I'm 17 and was diagnosed with Endo recently. I need advice on what to do next or if there is anything to do. When I was 15 I got my period and it was excruciating, I started experiencing severe joint pain also. We mentioned it to my doctor and he check me for arthritis and Lyme's disease and obviously nothing came of it. Fast forward a few months, my periods have gotten to the point where I can't move and my whole body feels numb the first few days. For a straight month I was crumpled over in pain because I felt like I was having cramps while I wasn't on my period. I couldn't walk or go to school so my mom took me to the ER, they gave me steroids and sent me home. We got in contact with my physician and he told us to go to Akron Children's so we did. They scheduled me an ultrasound (finally) but by the time I went I was feeling better. They said my lining was thick and I had a cyst rupture, woodie Doo. They explained I could have endometriosis and that they can't diagnose me without surgery so they just started treating me for it without a diagnosis. They put me on depo and it seemed to help at first but then I started bleeding non stop, so they gave me and IUD. Same thing, bleeding non stop. They gave me oral birth control ontop of the IUD and it was HELL, I started bleeding more and was having mood swings. I stopped taking the pill and now my doctor says there isn't anything else they can do besides taking the IUD out or waiting. I don't want to take the IUD out because it has helped so much with the pain, instead of bleeding tremendously for 7+ days I bleed some all the time and it hurts less. But at this point I've been bleeding for a year an a half and I'm tired of it. I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry I wrote so much!

When I was growing up, my mother told me I ruined her life, and she would tell me to kill myself. She gave me a thick skin to verbal abuse from others. Bullies saw this as a game, because nothing they said got much of a rise out of me, since nobody hurt me verbally worse than my mother. It was a competition for these bullies to see who could do it. I would always verbally spar back to bullies, turn up the heat, and roast them or their mother. However, sometimes it would escalate to real violence from them, and I would never physically fight back. I will always be grateful my mom didn't put her hands on me without my consent like my bullies did. My mom made my eyes water, but my bullies made my teeth red and my skin purple

Hey howdy hey :) I’m a single mom from South Carolina living in the mountains in Colorado. I have a 2.5 year old boy who is my entire galaxy. My boss says I’m like Wednesday Addams who grew up. I’m into anything outdoors, reading, records, sewing, doing fun things with my kid, and snowboarding. I’m OBSESSED with GoT and HotD, and have the tattoo to prove it. I’m short, thick, and my hair color changes, but right now I’m green eyed and red haired.
I’m looking for someone to talk to and go from there. I work full time and have my son 90% of the time, so it’s hard to meet people. I’d like to have mutual attraction with someone who’s funny, kind, can put up with my sass, and has goals. My type ranges from Matty Healy to The Mountain, so I’m not super picky. I just want someone to make me smile and see what happens.

If anyone cares to read my story and offer input I would so appreciate it!!!
My symptoms started in December 2018 around my birthday. I went out to my favorite restaurant for dinner and after a glass of sparkling wine I completely lost my appetite, my nose started running, teeth chattering, and I suddenly had IBS symptoms out of nowhere. I felt this immense dread for no reason. I was so confused as it was a low key bday dinner that I had been looking forward to…
These same exact symptoms continued and everyone thought it was anxiety related. I do have anxiety but it’s not something where my body just starts having these weird symptoms seemingly out of nowhere. I went to a naturopath and she diagnosed me with histamine intolerance. I was pretty strict with the diet and alcohol was completely off limits for about the next year and a half. I was also majorly triggered by exercise. I used to go HARD at the gym, especially cardio, and it became apparent that exercising vigorously would make me feel exhausted and nauseous for the rest of the day. So I stopped the HIIT workouts too.
By September of 2021 I was starting to feel better and started playing tennis, which became my passion. I felt completely cured of the histamine intolerance. I was drinking red wine again, eating gluten and dairy, playing lots of tennis multiple times per week, and was just feeling better than I had in years.
Fast forward to January 2024. I hyper extended my shoulder which led to frozen shoulder, which I am still in the thick of. I started getting patches of psoriasis on my torso, which was brand new. Then while on a trip in late March, I started feeling that awful feeling again. I was freezing cold even though it wasn’t cold out, my nose started running like crazy, and I completely lost my appetite. I felt that all consuming sense of dread. It’s never a panic attack, but like a horrible prolonged feeling where all I can do is crawl into bed and remain in the fetal position. It feels like my nervous system is broken.
So now I’m back to being afraid to exercise too much, to eat almost anything, and to stray too far from my home in case I start feeling “sick”, for lack of a better word.
Other issues: Migraines with aura TMJ issues that can make my entire face tighten up and hurt
I just want to live my life. I’m a mom who wants to work outside the home. I feel like I don’t know how to help myself anymore…I will be going to a new naturopath this month but just wanted to know if my story resonates with anyone here, or if anyone has any tips. Also, I am leaving out other personal sources of life trauma and stress that have likely contributed to my issues.
And by the way, does all of this even sound like histamine intolerance??
Thank you again for reading.

I need to get this "off my chest". Obligatory "I can't include literally everything that builds up the situation or otherwise we'd end up with a War and Peace thick post.
Me, 35M; Wife: 35F; Sperm Donor 75 M; Mom 72; Aunt 72F; Aunt 2 70s F,
I used to think my childhood and home life was idyllic and great, but as I've aged I've realised how very, very effed up it actually was. It wasn't so much that it was idyllic, it was that I'm AUDHD and was perfectly content to be alone and do my own thing. Some of these realisations have coloured how I view my parents and family and I have stopped thinking of the man who's DNA I share as "dad" and more "Sperm donor" or "his name".
I fully admit that I have a lot of "daddy issues". All I've really ever wanted was a dad to do dad things with; learning how to do things like fix cars, going fishing, learning to drive, etc. Typical sappy 'Merican "Andy Griffith Show" type crap. I know that's not reality for most people, but it's kind of a sore point for me. Because of this, I've kind of spend most of my youth chasing after older males in my life like a lost puppy hoping someone will pick me out of the box left on the side of the road. I'm lucky to have found at least one person in my life who fulfills that role for me. He's only a few years older chronologically but decades older in experience and maturity.
I've learned a lot over the last few years about how things actually were as opposed to how I saw them. Examples being:
1) My sperm donor is a "what's mine is mine and what's your's in mine too"
2) My sperm donor inflated what he actually did as a "provider" and the reality was quite different. The home we lived in was paid for out of my mother's pocket, my immediate needs (clothes, medication, snacks, activities, school needs) were paid for out of my mother's pocket, and money that had been gifted from family for me to go into a college fund "disappeared" right around the time my dad decided to buy a vintage British racing car.
3) My sperm donor has his side of the family convinced he's father and husband of the year.
4) My sperm donor is stubborn. Not in a cute way, but in a way that's resulted in thousands of dollars of home damage, refusal to repair things for decades because he refuses to call in a professional, and literally refusing to allow his spouse to undergo medical treatment for two years past when it was deemed medically necessary.
The first 10 years of my life were ok, but in my early teens my mom got "sick". To lend some context, her mother also "got sick" when she was in her mid forties. There was never a diagnosis and an autopsy of mother's mother showed only a minor stomach ulcer. Both sets of grandparents are long since dead, any family on her side is gone, and I have no one who was around during that time to give me any input or tell me what was going on at that time other than my parents who have opposing views. Mom says her mother was just a very sickly lady but would also tell me stories about how Grandma would do things like steal motorcycles, get into fights, and do all these crazy things as a younger person. SD's version of events is that Grandma always "got sick" whenever someone in their family or friend circle had an event that might not make Grandma the centre of attention. My understanding is that my mom was expected to act as a live in nurse up until she met and married SD. At which point Grandma and Grandpa dropped dead in quick succession. I am also told that Grandpa took and controlled all my mother's wages from her career up until she met my SD.
Mom "got sick" in my early teens and it was on me to be the one to look after her. I was the one who had to help her when she threw up. I was the one to have to remind her to shower, change her clothes, get her meds refilled, etc. I'd go to doctor's appts with her and try to help explain what was happening and what symptoms she was having because unfortunately, a lot of the doctors were male and dismissed her out of hand. She did end up with a fibromyalgia diagnosis, a condition I also share and understand. The majority of her symptoms are stomach issues; ie nausea, vomiting, not wanting to eat etc. When I say she's had the entire gamut of gut health testing done, I mean it's all been done. At least three times. At one point the Gastro she saw told her that he'd exhausted everything and that there is no physical reason for her symptoms and that if she did not at least try to eat, he'd send her for psychiatric evaluation and have her fitted with a feeding tube.
I need to clarify that I too have always had gastrointestinal issues and not too long ago discovered I have coeliac disease. Adhering to that diet has eliminated the majority of my issues. Despite the fact they eliminated this disease as a potential cause in my mom, I suggested trying this and an elimination diet to see if it helped, but she refused. Her diet for years has consisted of white bread and jam, grits, coca cola, and tea exclusively. Occasionally she would get sushi. This is not an exaggeration. That's all she has eaten for years.
Throughout all of this, my SD rolled his eyes and sat on his ass continuing to eat dinner or watch tv while she'd go running to the kitchen to vomit, me chasing after her to try and help. (Mom would at least appear to get faint during these vomiting instances) so I would be there to make sure she didn't pass out as she vomited in the sink, then clean out the sink after her, then help her back to the couch and bring her something to drink.
It's been 20 years of this now. My wife and I have been living in our own home for about 4 years and I am no longer there to be the one to try and clean up the messes and fill in the cracks, as it were. My family has visited us three times, even though we live maybe 45 minutes away. I have returned to my parents house probably about 15-20 times to do repairs to the home. Right now, all "repairs" have stalled out because apparently having things like a functional and safe bathroom aren't nearly as important to SD as buying military collectibles, guns, and gourmet cheeses.
This January Mom landed herself in the hospital with a bloodclot due to falling and hitting her head. My SD didn't take her to the hospital until a full week after she'd fallen and no one called me for a full 24 hours after she'd been admitted. She went back and forth amongst the ER, rehab, and hospital for about two months and the result of all that was that they discovered she has throat dysphagia but no other underlying disorders. She's now home with a G-tube, oxygen, bedside commode, and an in home nurse that visit occasionally.
Right now, what's weighing on me most strongly is that my parents now have my SD's sister living with them and she is constantly singing his praises and talking about what a wonderful and attentive husband he is. I'm honestly enraged about it, especially now that more of the extended family, who frankly couldn't be arsed to return phone calls, emails, or snail mail over the last 30 years, suddenly have opinions and are lauding him for how great he's been.
I feel like I have this Monty Python 10 tonne weight over my head, because I know that when my parents shuffle off this mortal coil there is going to be a veritable dungheap left for me to deal with in their decrepit home. I'm mad and sad and tired and I honestly just don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't stop feeling irritated that my mom has basically just given up on trying to do.... anything. And had done way before there was an "excuse". Holidays are a nightmare for me because there's nothing this woman wants or like or gets excited about. She doesn't have hobbies anymore, doesn't like doing anything, isn't interested in collecting things, doing crafts, etc, even talking. The times I've been around her for any length of time and attempted to talk to her, she just looks at me with this kind of watery eyed and vaguely befuddled expression or answers with one or two syllables. She is NOT suffering any dementia or similar issues and has been tested for such. It's like she just... doesn't care.
I've spent so long trying to make her comfortable, happy, etc. Tried to get her things she liked or get her into things that would make her happy. My wife's mother is only a few years younger and is active in her community, teaches classes, does art, goes on trip with my FIL, and visits and talks to people regularly. As do most of my peers' parents. This is really hard and I feel very sad and lonely about it. My poor wife has heard it all over and over again and I hate bothering my already stressed close friends with my rants....

Hello, before starting I want to excuse me for my bad English as English is not my first language. I nursed my baby (17 months) since she was born and I’m planning to do so till she’s 24 months. At the beginning I nursed her on both sides, but when she was 6 months she got a vaccination and got really sick as a single mom this was a very tiring period of time and I nursed only on one side because it was more comfortable to hold her on the right side. After a while I realized I had to nurse her on the left side also before my milk would decrease but then she refused the left side. Since then I tried many times and even bought a breast pump. After my midwife told me it was not going to work anymore I gave up as there was no milk coming and my baby only wanted the right side. Since she was 11 month I didn’t try anymore as I knew there was no milk. Last evening I was nursing my baby as I felt that my shirt was wet and I looked and Saw milk leaking from my left breast that looked Like colostrum, very yellow, thick and sticky. As I pushed on my breast there was more coming out. Is there someone who experienced something similar and can explain to me how this is happening. It kept me thinking and can’t find any answers on sites. (Ps. Im 100% sure I’m not pregnant).

Last night, someone on here made a post asking us what Dropouts opinion are we would defend 1M vs. one. My answer was that no matter how great the podcast is now, nothing will top the dynamic of the original trio. That discussion gave me an idea.
For some who may be new to Dropouts, I figured I would take a dive into “the lore” (as the kids say these days) to help explain some nostalgic pieces of the podcast you may or may not been here for. The best way to do that is talk about original running gags. Some of these are more known than others, some you may have forgot about, and some you may not remember.
But as someone who has watched from the very beginning, here are my top 6 Dropouts running gags of all time.
#6 - Indiana’s “fake” accent
This gag was fueled by social media comments that always wondered about the inconsistency of Indiana’s Australian accent. But it eventually became one of the more iconic jokes of the podcast. It seems stupid but for whatever reason, we always thought it was pretty funny when Indiana was called out her accent dropping out or coming back. With Zach constantly mimicking her sometimes-thick Australian accent whenever there’s a noticeable difference in annunciation. It was quite simple but genius. Turning a common misconception into a deadpan gag that still leaves people wondering to this day. Is Indiana from Australia? Yes. Does her accent come and go making it very confusing for a majority of viewers? Also, yes.
#5 - Swag-daddies
Who remembers this VERY old one? This gag was part of what each of the trio would call their individual teams/fanbases. Swag-daddies was the original name for team Zach in the very beginning. No one really knew what it meant, why it worked, or where it came from. But it stuck for a while and somehow perfectly displayed the embodiment of Zach’s presence. Memeable, out of pocket, and backhandedly crass. If I had to guess, I would say it’s kind of an ironic-undertone to mock the “TikTok fuckboy” population that was pretty relevant at the time. Although Zach’s online persona can be very polarizing on the internet, the OG fans would jokingly justify his antics as “just being a swag-daddy.” A much simpler time when Zach’s verbal antics were publicly seen as satire and nothing else.
#4 - Team Whole Milk
Swag-daddies was Team Zach, but this team name was by far the best. Team Whole Milk was the original name for team Jared in the beginning. In early episodes, Jared would open up about struggles with his weight as a kid. Which Jared would refer to this chapter of his life as ‘F.J.’ or ‘Fat Jared’. He shortly after revealed that as a kid that he would drink multiple glasses of whole milk every single day, believing it was healthy. For those who don’t know, it’s exact opposite. Either way, team Whole Milk was born. Representing Jared fairly well. The happy-go-lucky underdog with a wholesome and positive energy.
#3 - The Ketchup Bottle
This one is a bit controversial because of the behind-the-camera details we know now, but it’s still an iconic part of the podcast that needs to be mentioned. For the new fans of the podcast, next time you’re watching, make sure to look for the Ketchup and Mustard bottles that are now catty-cornered in between Zach and Tara these days. The history of those two inanimate objects is a lot deeper than you might think. For those of you that don’t know about the first recording set, it was originally supposed be for a show called “Zach’s Diner”. Where Zach would have guests on in a Nickelodeon-metaverse feel of Zach Galifianakis’ “Between Two Ferns”. In original diner set, between to the shiny red booths, were subway-style themed Ketchup and Mustard bottles, that would eventually be part of the Dropouts set. And still are to this day. The originated gag went like this. Whenever Zach pissed off Indiana, she would pick up the Ketchup bottle, and throw it at Zach as hard as she could. Missing him 99.9% of the time. This bit/gag was harmlessly funny at the beginning until we found out there was more darker story to it. I’m just glad Indiana has grown so much since then and really took the time to learn from her actions. It sucks that this iconic gag was a falling out example of the original trio. But it’s still huge part of the Dropouts Podcast lore. And it shouldn’t be forgotten.
#2 - The Beach
What happened at the beach? I’m asking because we still… really… don’t know. In an early episode of Dropouts, the trio had a psychic on as a guest to give them all readings. Whether you believe in it or not, the psychic went on to ask Zach and Indiana: “what’s the deal with the beach?” Prompting Indiana and Jared to freak out and run off the set. The comments blew up after this and the speculation of what this was about caught fire. In the following episode, the trio took notice of the fans reactions. Then challenged them to give the video version of the episode 20K likes and they’ll tell the story of what happened at the beach. To this day, this episode only has around 11K likes on YouTube and the story has still not been told. Even though hints were dropped over later episodes, sidetrack jokes were made, no one on the internet ACTUALLY knows what happened at the beach. And with this episode being 4+ years old, we most likely will never know. As far as we’re concerned, it will be locked away in the Dropouts vault forever.
#1 - The Snickers wrapper story
I’m pretty sure everyone who watches the podcast now or started watching from the beginning knows this one. The Snickers wrapper story is not only the most bizarre story told on the podcast but also a running gag that will probably contest the will of time. The origin of this story goes like this. In an early Valentine’s themed episode, Indiana asks Zach and Jared what was the weirdest thing they ever used as a condom. After Zach’s quick-witted answer of “prayer” (which is btw one of Zach’s funniest jokes on the podcast to this day), Jared revealed that he once used a king sized Snickers wrapper as a condom. It’s pretty safe to say that Jared regrets telling this story as the references to it are still made 200+ episodes later. Just know that as funny or as bizarre this story is, it goes back multiple years of episodes. And I don’t think it will ever get old. Making it an easy decision for the #1 Dropouts running gag of all time.
Now of course, every list has to have some honorable mentions:
HM1 - What’s up B-Words HM2 - Zach hitting on Indiana’s mom HM3 - Jared’s two moms/CB270 HM4 - Zach’s estranged father HM5 - Only Indiana gets censored HM6 - Sad-boy mic
I’d be also happy to explain any of the honorable mentions to anyone who wants the backstory on those as well.
Let me know what you guys think of this top 6. Thanks for reading if you made it this far lol.

So I went ahead and had full removal of my big toenail to help clear a fungal infection on Monday. I'm allergic to a lot of things including antifungals, so it was determined that removal/topical antifungal treatment was the safest route. The procedure wasn't awful, the lidocaine shots were tolerable and I felt some burning at the end and started bleeding out of my bandage when I walked out, so had to go back in and have more wrapping added. Then I threw up and nearly passed out which has NEVER happened to me before. That was probably the most traumatic part to be honest.
The aftermath is honestly worse than I expected and I am having a lot a lot of pain that even tylenol isn't helping (and I never take pain meds). Last night I was actually crying and I really cannot put any pressure on it so I'm sort of walking on the edge of my foot. It even hurts at rest and I'm having a lot of random sharp pains through my foot. Everyone I talked to (podiatrists, doctors) said I should be ok to return to normal activities around the house the next day and I very much am NOT there.
I did my first betadine soak/dressing change this morning and have to do that twice a day for a week with the thick gauze/wrap. Then I believe it's the same soaking procedure, but with a bandaid during the day and nothing overnight. It looks pretty gross and bloody/raw - but I was sort of prepared for that.
Have any of you experienced more severe pain after? I really wanted to believe I would have an easier recovery than this. I am a mom and I really cannot be off my feet for an extended period of time, so I am feeling really worried.

My mom is beautiful. All my moms sisters are beautiful. They all look the same as each other just with differing weights. When I was young I was so happy that I’d get to look like them when I grew up.
But I look like my dad straight up. I get comments on it from everyone. Nurses, family members, friends. When we sit next to each other people smile and look at how similar we are.
But that is not a compliment for a young woman lmao. ☺️i got my dads awful curly hair and his big nose and thick eyebrows. Shit even his heart issues. And I have no idea where my strong jawline is from because neither of my parents have it but it makes me look more like a man. i wish i looked like my mom. Shes so soft looks so young and beautiful. I hate this

My (47M) wife (48F) was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. We live in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath condo in NYC.
Yesterday I made the executive decision to let my wife have the master bedroom with an en suite bathroom while I moved my belongings to the smaller guest bedroom. Our daughter, who is 19, and only is supposed to stay with us during parts of her summer break, was previously using the guest bathroom as her personal bathroom, but again, this place that we moved in right before she graduated high school is supposed to be more of a hotel for her.
She was not even supposed to be here now, but came because her mother always sounded distressed or under the influence on the phone due to the cancer drugs she has been on. Since her diagnosis, our relationship has gone downhill quickly. It started when I found out a caregiver implied to my wife that women with cancer need to have a backup support system besides their husbands.
I ended up firing that caregiver because she was trying to poison my wife's thoughts. My wife screamed and cried, saying this was the only caregiver she had who didn't seem to be speaking off a robotic script.
My wife's hair has always been something others complimented her on. Our daughter grew up saying she wanted her mom's shiny and thick hair. When my wife stressed about whether her hair always being the same was boring, I was the one who told her hair was beautiful and to not change it. After her diagnosis, my wife and I argued because she wanted to cut her hair before chemo because " it makes things easier." I told her she needed to keep her spirits up and not have this defeatist attitude where she goes chopping off all her beautiful hair at once.
She looked into wigs but wanted a short one for convenience but I really asked her why she didn't want to look like herself and she said it was more lightweight/ less emotional for her that way. I told her to not think like that, and felt she was punishing me by refusing to bring up wigs around me.
Now she's into her chemotherapy and every time I enter our bathroom I see her crying as she brushes her hair and more and more keeps collecting on her brush, in the sink. She then gets upset when I walk away from that situation after she says we are both powerless against cancer.
Then things boil over when she says she should have just cut her hair and then she accused ME of being the reason she didn't, saying she was afraid of my disappointment and hoped if her hair didn't suddenly disappear overnight, I'd get used to the situation.
This is pure projection and I was furious and told her I cannot help her hair loss that she's now putting on me. I felt that if I'm the cause of tears I might as well move into the guest room. I needed my own space and to engage in aspects of normalcy to not go crazy. My daughter has taken over my sink in her mom's room and said she's backing out from an internship and getting a job here for the summer. AITA for exiting an uncomfortable situation full of projection?

Ok... sorry for the novel, but I really wanted some opinions.
I have enlarged tonsils since I am a little girl. I remember my pediatrician telling my mom something like: "Hmmm in a normal case I would remove them, but this poor girl is always at hospital so let's give her a break if it doesn't cause her problems. Just put a humidifier in her bedroom."
I never really thought my tonsils were bugging me, cause I never made a link til recently between my tonsils and frequent throat infection, soar throats, etc. I only had one real tonsillity in my life.
In December 2022, I caught a cold that never wanted to go away. I got antibiotics near Christmas and they made me bleed like crazy. Sorry for the details, but I was literally spitting some chunks of blood, could play with them like Playdoh. I felt like I was spitting some parts of my body. It lasted like 2 days. I seriously thought I'd have to go to hospital but didn't cause it stopped.
Since then, I didn't stop having problems. I went to em so many times and our ems are just so stupid in Quebec. They were watching me 30 seconds (no joke), saying I had asthma, sinusity, bronchitty, or nothing at all... never the same diagnostic, no scan or real test, and prescribe me antibiotics, pumps and sprays that never worked. And I always followed the treatment correctly like they told me, like a good little soldier. I had a constant headache and couldn't breathe properly.
After almost a year of not feeling good, being depressed and very persistant suicidal thoughts (I even wrote a suidide letter to my kids and boyfriend), I finally decided to go to a private clinic. I had a scan and the lady told me I had a maxillary chronic sunisity. For the first time, I felt like someone was listening to me and wow, that was good. I had a septoplasty, which did help a lot my breathing but didn't solve the entire thing.
Now, the problem seems to really be more in my throat and I really begin to wonder if my tonsils could be the issue... I feel like my tonsils became bigger with all the antibiotics I took in 2022-2023. I still can swallow, but it is not as fluid as before. I really feel like an animal is stuck between my nose and my throat. I can spit some little pieces but the feeling of having somebody living in my throat never disappear. lol Constant post nasal drip, pressure all over the face with variant intensity during the day, throat aches with variant intensity. I really feel like I want to spit something big and thick, but it is too far between my nose and throat to get out. Like a part of me that wasn't there before. Also, it makes me sound more nasal, which I absolutely hate. I am totally blind so my voice is like a reflection in a mirror and now I feel like a part of my face is burnt, if you know what I mean...
I don't think I have real tonsils stones since I heard tonsils stones were hard. But every morning, I spit chunks of thick mucus. I feel like I cannot spit everything cause it is too thicnk and too far from my nose or throat to be spittable!!! I snore a lot when I sleep too.
The funny thing is that some doctors told me my tonsils were realllllllly big and some others just told me: oh they are just a little bigger than normal, nothing to worry about... I know they are also cryptic.
I mean, maybe the problem is not my tonsils... I just want to find what I have exactly.
I know you are not experts, but what do you think of all this? Do some people with tonsils problems experimented the same symptoms?
Thank you to the 2 people who will read all this!!! :)

Hi, I am 32(m) moved in UK to study CS and been working in my field since 2022 after I graduated. I have a sister 29 (f) and my mom is 55 (f). When my dad passed away we inherited the family business. My mother has been running it but in my dad’s will it was to be split between me and my sister.
My mum decided to open her own new business and rented the family one to a third individual. Since I moved to UK, I have been working to support myself through uni and landed a starting job in a decent company after my graduation. Rent in UK is quite expensive especially near metropolitan areas.
Since am not interested in returning to my home country unless it’s for a holiday. I have been trying to discuss with my family to sell the my share of the family business and use half of it as deposit for a house and save the rest for retirement. This is important cause more than 50% of my monthly salary is bills and rent and with the raising in costs of living I have been living pay-check to pay-check. I am single and not really interested in marriage or family. So buying a house would actually cut my expenses in more than half and will allow me both to pursue a better job because i will be able to afford a car which now i can’t.
My mom and my sister kick off and dismiss any discussions, saying that they don’t want to sell, and that i should wait for my sister to buy me out. That they don’t like to sell, that if I want a house I should buy it myself and dismissing any facts I present on how much better it would be in the long term to own a property in the UK.
Everytime i try to give them my POV i am met with negativity, shouting, and irony. Am writting this because I don’t know how to make my family see my point of view. I love both of them and we have been united through thick and thin . I don’t wanna fight them over money but I also want to progress with my life and build an environment am safe and happy in the country am living.
Please help.

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Previous Post: here
So it has been too much emotional torture for her, so much that she couldn’t bear it anymore.
Her family didn’t reject the AM guy that was there before she told them about me. The only problem was her drunkard father who used to beat her mom every single day and that made her to give up our 5 year+ old relationship
She is blaming herself that she has ruined my life, she knew that her parents won’t agree still she decided to be with me.
She is the purest soul i have ever met, still she has to suffer. She had to say yes to that guy, the guy along with his family are coming to see her today. She said that she will get married by December.
I am so devastated that I can’t do shit for this, never felt so helpless. How do I move on now? I have tried to ask her to reject that guy but she says there will be so many consequences that she can’t deal with if we get married, she is worried about her mother that her father will ruin her life everyday beat her and she can’t be with me due to that
Her mother had asked her to basically elope with me and she will deal with all the stuff but she couldn’t leave her mother in that condition, additionally her masi log put pressure on her and I don’t even know how the fuck did i end up here
Did nothing wrong, always cared for her, was always available for her through thick and thin still we can’t spend rest of our lives together.
How do I deal with this? Has anyone been through this? I’m afraid that i won’t find anyone compatible. I don’t know how life is going to unfold i basically don’t want to face any of this.
Tldr: GF of 5 years said yes to AM guy due to parental pressure

Slutty Sister Has Her Brother Locked For Life (non-con, forced chastity, bondage, punishment)
Part 1
The keyholder nurse gave me instructions and explained everything after it was all over. My family had told me that I was a sex pervert and I was "being dealt with". I knew I was in trouble, but I was a young man, only 18 and I didn't understand what was going on. No one had told me anything after the hearing.
Mom drove me to an odd building, led me to a secure room and left. A young nurse told me to undress. I was totally naked. An older woman in scrubs and a man entered. They strapped my arms and legs down to a cold steel table. The nurse offered the woman a syringe, but she declined and said "No, I want this creep to feel it".
It all started a month ago. I lived with my mom and sister, dad was gone. My sister was 19, with a tight body and medium sized, perky tits. Mom was thick, curvy, with giant tits. Both recently got their naval's pierced with matching studs. Neither had boyfriends, but they were very promiscuous. We lived in a mobile home with thin walls, so I could hear them getting fucked often.
I made some mistakes. First, my sister caught me peeping on her in the shower and told mom. Then, two of her "friends" came over for sex. They took turns on her. She got very loud. After they left, I went in her room. She covered herself, but I saw her pussy and stomach first. There were small puddles of cum around her pantyline, and some more of it leaking out of her. I told her I was still a virgin and asked if I could "go next" on her. She yelled "get out" and told mom when she got home from work.
The third incident was more serious they said. Mom would sometimes drink and pass out. I'd never felt tits before and hers were so enticing. She had some drinks and went to bed. I snuck in. She was asleep, uncovered, wearing a gown. I grabbed her heaving boobs. Then I took one of my hands off her chest and pulled the gown above her waist, exposing her. I slid my hand between her legs and rubbed her pussy. She woke up and caught me. She was pissed. The next day my sister told me they had turned me in and there would be a hearing.
So I knew why I was on the metal table, but I didn't know what was next. I couldn't see, there was a drape at my waist. It started with gloves and cold metal on my genitals, then clamping, pinching, pulling, and eventually a sharp puncturing pain near my balls. I begged them to stop, but they did it 2 more times, once on my cock. Finally a metal device was brought out. I could feel it being slid on, clamped down, tightened, then locked. "All done" they said and left. The young nurse stayed behind.
She removed the drape and released the straps. I inspected the "device". My cock and balls had been fed through a steel ring that tightly encircled them at the base. It was secured to a piercing just above my taint and another at the top. My penis was locked in a tight steel "cage" with a hole at the end for pissing. The head had been pierced and a metal bar went through me as extra security. It wasn't going anywhere. The whole thing was super tight.
"What is this?" I asked.
She explained. "It's your chastity device. Your genitals have been locked up. At the hearing, your mother and sister requested that you be put in chastity. The safety council asked them how long they thought would be appropriate and both wanted you locked forever. Since the incidents involved incest, the council agreed. Your penis is locked for life. I'm your keyholder nurse. I will help with adjustments, cleanings, draining your balls, and anything else needed for chastity".
"When do I get to take off?" I said.
She answered, "You're locked forever. So you wont get to take it off. They have to keep you locked so your sister is safe and to punish you for what you did to your mom. You wont be able to have sex or force anyone. Since you can't masturbate, your balls might swell, so you will see me every other month to drain them, do a deep cleaning, and tighten your cage, if necessary.
--------------------------------XXX--------------------------------

Part 2

The room was cold. My keyholder nurse was a cute twenty-something. A name tag with "Beverly" was pinned above her perky boobs. Her scrub top was tight around her chest. I could see the shape of her breasts and her hard nipples pressing againt the fabric. I stared and my cage got tighter. She noticed and grinned slightly.
I got back to business, "Can I appeal or get parole or something? What happens next?"
She answered, "Sorry, no appeals for chastity. There is parole, but not for incest cases. What you did is considered extremely disgusting, so they deemed you a "most extreme pervert". Incest offenders get more severe penalties and no parole. I'm not supposed to be judgemental, but you're my first incest case and it sounded really awful at your hearing. It's hard to believe creeps as bad as you even exist, who rubs their own mom's pussy? This case is really bad, so I'm gonna go harder on you than my other guys. I hope it was worth it. So here's what's next...your mother and sister are entitled to a final inspection of your genitals, then you'll go directly to prison to be processed and locked up in the chastity unit."
I was confused and responded with frustration, "I can't believe this is happening to me. I just got too horny seeing the girls dressed like sluts and listening to them getting fucked all the time. After seeing my sisters cum-filled pussy, I lost control and slipped up. If she just gave me sloppy seconds, I wouldn't have done all that to mom....What do you mean prison?!?!"
She responded, bursting with excitement, "Dont worry, you'll learn your lesson! OH! I see they didn't tell you about prison yet, since you were a rush case. Chastity is just an add-on to your prison sentence as an extra penalty and to keep everyone safe. Let me look at your file to see how much time you'll serve."
Looking at her tablet, she smiled big and replied, "I've never gotten to do this before! Most guys hear about their sentence before they get to me...Ok, so they actually got you taken care of pretty good here. It got split up into multiple counts, so fortunately, they were able to put you away for a long time."
She continued, "Your sister had you convicted on two charges, one for the shower incident and one for the bedroom incident. You got two more for mom, one for groping her tits and another for going between her legs. I'll read them off...
Count 1, Incestual peeping, sentence: 1 year special confinement
Count 2, Incestual peeping with propositioning, sentence: 1.5 years special confinement
Count 3, 2nd Degree Incestual Sexual Battery, 2 years special confinement
Ok and here's the big one! For touching mom's pussy...
Count 4, 1st Dregee Incestual Sexual Battery, 4.5 years RIGOROUS confinement in the SCU-I, (Special Chastity Unit, Incest wing), with intensive perversion correction."
So you'll do nine years total, with the first four-and-a-half in the incest wing."
I was completely shocked, "Nine years!? Are you serious? What's special confinement? Am I going to regular prison or what?
Beverely explained, "Special confinement means you'll be put in the chastity unit. It's a separate level for inmates that have their genitals locked, like rapists and other perverts. It's a little different. The cells are super small, you don't get any privileges like TV, and you stay locked in your cell for 23 hours a day. But don't worry. Most of my guys are in the chastity unit. They all want out really bad, but they're fine. Some eventually leave for regular population if their sentence allows, but you'll actually just be finishing up in the main chasity unit after you're done with rigororous confinement for the first four-and-a-half. You'll start off in the incest wing".
"What is all that? I asked
Beverly explained further, "It's a big deal. That's why I got so excited when I read your sentence on count 4. It wasn't just the amount of time you got, but what'll be happening to you that makes it a heavy one. I've heard it's very extreme. Since you're my first incest case, I'm not as familiar with it, but I've heard you're basically caged up 24/7 and pretty much treated like an animal. I'm not sure if you even get a toilet or a bed. You only leave your cage once every two weeks for perversion correction, which I might get to assist with, and you'll get another device I've heard about, called the "silver bullet". I think it's an anal device? You'll learn more about that when you get there. Oh! Looks like it's time to get you ready for inspection."
The door opened as she left and two female guards entered. One had a tazer. They led me to another table. This one had wheels. I sat on the edge. One grabbed my ankles and another tried to push me on my back. I resisted, trying to spin off the table. I was immediately tazed, then sedated, imobilizing me. "This will be easier for if you just comply" she said. I was on my back again. My ankles were lifted toward my head, folding my legs over me. Thick zip ties were placed around my ankles and calfs. My hands and forearms were looped through both, then "zzzzzzzztttt", it was all cinched down tight, securing my arms to my legs. A bar was secured between my knees, keeping me exposed. Beverly came back in. One of the guards said "He's all yours hon" as they left.
"Let's get you cleaned up" Beverly said. "Your mom and sister are on their way and they're excited to see your private parts all locked up for good.
She put gloves on, then approached the table, placing one hand over my nose. I opened my mouth and she shoved a gag in and secured it around my head. "This is just a temporary gag. Your sister didn't want you talking during inspection. I believe you'll get more securely gagged and muzzled when you get to processing. I've heard the guys don't get solid food in the incest wing, you get fed a liquid diet, like that soylent stuff, that you'll take through a drinking tube in your gag. It's really amazing how good they have you incest perverts locked up over there. I can't wait to see you like that.
She started the cleaning by soaping and lathering around my crotch, exposed parts were shaved. She walked away, coming back with a tube and a bag full of fluid that she hung from a pole. The label read "Enema". Beverly explained, "Gotta clean you inside and out. First I'll get you lubed up". She grabbed a metal syring, inserted the tip in my ass, and injected me with lube. At the end of enema tube, there was a detachable nozzle with two inflatable bulbs. One was forced in my ass and both were inflated, locking it in place. I could see the tube going from the bag to inside me. I felt like I was being treated like an animal already. She turned a valve, the fluid began flowing and filled me up. She set a timer for 35 minutes, and sat on her stool, reading cosmo. After an agonizing wait, she removed the nozzle plug, allowing me to release. Finally, thank goodness. I was soaped up again and rinsed. She cleaned up the enema nozzle plug, added more lube, and shoved it back1 inside me. "Putting this back in so we dont have any potential leaks" she said, as she inflated it. She disconnected the outside end of the inflatable nozzle where it attached to the longer enema tube, clamped it off, and let go of it. I felt it bounce around as it settled. "You're all set" she exclaimed.
I was wheeled on the cart-like table through a long, busy hallway to a different room for inspection. I could feel the protruding nozzle plug in my ass flop around as the cart moved. The other employees stared as I went by, a few smiled with satisfaction. How humiliating I thought. I heard murmuring. "Bitchtied pervert getting what he deserves!" one girl said angrily.
Finally in the inspection room, I waited. The door opened, Beverly entered with two blondes behind her, my mom and my sister. The two gorgeous sluts were dressed similar. My mom was wearing tight, denim, high waisted shorts that displayed her ass and curvy hips, they were pulled-up high in a way that you could see the denim tight against her twat. My sister came dressed in super short spandex yoga shorts, tight ones that lifted her already firm butt into perfection. Both wore crop tops with their stomachs and matching naval piercings exposed. Images of my sister's sloppy pussy flashed in my head, my cock and balls both swelled. I stared at their bodies and let out a loud, desperate moan as my cage grew excruciatingly tight.
Part 3 to follow...

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Editor's Note: Please do NOT send me DMs or Chats. This is a reminder that I am NOT OOP. Remember the no brigading - Rule #7. Do not comment on the linked posts or contact OOP. Doing so will result into a permanent ban from the sub
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I (14F) was asked by my parents what I wanted for my (15th) birthday. I listed off a few general suggestions like a book by an author I like, jazz shoes for dance... and a scale. For context, I am very overweight (I think) and I desperately need to lose weight for both my own personal health and for my new dance team. Anyways, I've tried to lose weight without any success (usually the opposite affect) quite a few times, but I've found that the only thing that's helped hold me somewhat accountable is weight checks.
My family isn't very supportive of my weight loss attempts, they don't let me cook my own meals, nor do they eat healthy as a whole family, and I am often forced to get seconds or even thirds when I say I don't want more. Calorie counting, while a great tool for some, made me feel powerless since I am not allowed to dictate my own diet, and it was mainly counterproductive for me. Every morning since January, I've made a daily trek down to my parents room in order to step on their scale and weigh myself. By about late February, my parents caught on to what I was doing and no longer allow me in there in the morning (I used to bring them coffee, sit in bed with my mom and talk, and occasionally have her help do my crazy thick wavy hair). This really caused me to regress in my weight loss attempts and I gained a whopping 10 pounds in the past few months. As my birthday is soon, I've been thinking long and hard about what I want for my birthday. Unfortunately, the only thing that has come to mind is a scale (and a pair of sunglasses, but I just got a freebie pair at a sporting event). As stupid as it sounds, a scale of my own is something I have been wanting for months, even more then traditional teenage items like bluetooth headphones or expensive makeup.
However, when I told my parents this, they freaked out. They said that I have an unhealthy relationship with food and that it's irresponsible of me to want a scale. It would send my younger sisters a bad message (they don't even share a bathroom with me) against body positivity and that they did not raise me to be a girl who is obsessed with her weight. After a long while of arguing, I snapped and said " I shouldn't have to be overweight just because everyone else in the house is"
Anyways, AITA for asking for a scale for my birthday?

How do you know when enough is enough?
My grandpa is in hospice care. I grew up with an alcoholic father who was mostly absent, while remaining married to my mom.
My grandpa is the best male role model I have in my life. He showed up time and time again for me. He supported my mom and my grandma and my aunts through thick and thin.
He’s dying.
My husband and I got married in December, and today is our four year anniversary of dating. I spent the afternoon with my grandpa and then came home and sobbed on the couch.
We ordered dinner and my husband made a comment about how low-key this anniversary is. I said “Well sorry, my grandpa is dying”
He replied “Just a little faster than before”
I don’t know if I can move past this. My grandpa means the world to me, and he just said that so coldly.
I said “Um what?” And he said “Well, we’re all dying”
This is one of the hardest periods of my life, and he has to make a stupid comment. How do you know when something is truly not forgivable? When is enough enough?
Tl;dr My husband made an insensitive comment about my grandpa while he’s in hospice care and I’m wondering when it’s bad enough to call it quits

I'm still young, a teenager..I go to an all girls school with Alot of girls who are slim thick or just thick in general.. I have a hourglass figure but but much meat on my thighs or chest..And it's embarrassing when I want to wear anything that shows a little skin ...so I usually sag my pants and wear large hoodies, I bought a jacket for the summer to cover my body, my mom makes alot of comments like "You're like a twig" and "You only have that because you're insecure about your body" And it pisses me off.. I''m unbelievably insecure about my chest and thighs...I see all the girls at my school AND WHAT THE HELL, its so unfair and then they say the same things my mom says, I hate hearing guys my age talk about "All I want is a girl with nice huge tits" like what the what?! Shut up bro. I started stuffing my bras and they don't work, no matter what I do, when girls who look skinny still have huge boobs. I don't even understand what I did to deserve this ugly ass body, my mom personally, she's thick.. So why am I not? And why can't she shut up about how "skinny" and "pale" and how useless I Am?! I just want to cut my breasts off and sit in a corner to cry about it. No matter how much I eat how much I massage, moisturize my damn tits THEY STAY SMALL dude, younger girls then me and older, like 12-15 have way bigger fucking tits. I hate seeing posts, hearing songs and conversations about girls with huge tits, huge ass, big thighs, that all they fucking want, a girl built like a sex doll, I literally look like a damn door. Why can't I catch a break about how I look 'anorexic' because I don't have DOUBLE D'S, WITH A SLIM WAIST, A HUGE BOOTY THAT CAN'T EVEN FIT ON A SWING AND THIGHS SO BIG IF I WALK THEY WILL EXPLODE, I know I'm exaggerating but goddamn.

so i was told by a hairdresser that i have a curl pattern . i would say my hair normally looks about 2a . my mom has thick 2b-2c hair . so i went and bought some products . i tried this routine : washed my hair , applied leave in conditioner , curl cream , mousse , and then scrunched with gel . when my hair is wet it gets wavy and i can see the wave pattern . however , i always air dry and by the time my hair dries its always straight again back to 2a . am i doing something wrong ? do i not actually have a wave pattern ?