I originally planned to write a comment in u/Mindless-Base8597’s current thread about our thoughts on the Cyberpunk 2077 sequel, just a handful of bullet points, but I am legitimately insane and I could not stop. And I have a major league passion for this IP, so I figured I would dump all my thoughts in here on the off-chance that some of you solid choombattas would give it a skim and share your opinions. There’s probably going to be overlap with a lot of thoughts others have introduced, but maybe there will be some ideas that challenge them too. There's also going to be alot of tabletoppish stuff as well, which I hope resonates with some people but I know it's not for everyone. I also understand that alot of these ideas may not even be plausible considering the work it'd take to implement them, however this game is going to be baking in the oven of development for several years and technology is advancing faster and faster day by day, so who knows. Anyhow, thanks for taking the time to click on my big ol wall of text and I hope my ideas can provoke some thought-bounceage, simultaneous dreaming or at least some mild entertainment.
THINGS I THINK THE SEQUEL MUST HAVE:
Crew building: The tabletop Cyberpunk is designed for a group of players that work together to do stuff, therefore the player should be involved in these kinds of team-oriented jobs in which they carry out their role. The concept of crews is well-established in the lore and game world, and would be a very welcome addition as a gameplay mechanic, especially given the focus on the crew in Edgerunners. It can be managed with slots via a “Crew” tab in the menu and your Street Cred could be the metric by which it expands. In 2077, Street Cred was bound to unlocking gear for some reason, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, because which Night City vendor is going to turn away eddies just because they think the customer doesn’t have enough street cred? Pretty asinine when you think about it. Maybe you start off with just one friend in your crew and as you gain Street Cred, you unlock more slots until you can have 5 or 6 other chooms you can be tight with and carry out jobs together. They could be fleshed out characters you can get attached to, and/or disposable replaceable gonks given how easy it is to die for nothing in Night City. A crew hangout or hideout where you get together and plan operations would also be fuckin nova.
Character networking: We see V making friends and contacts in 2077, and in Phantom Liberty we see V contacting them for help. It would be very cool to see more of this implemented in a broader scope. If we've got a job to do from a fixer or a task we have to accomplish in the story, but we're not equipped to storm in and handle it ourselves, maybe we call some buddies or hire someone from.. I don't know, Afterlife (you know, the mercenary bar full of mercenaries that are looking for work). We need some recon done, call up your crew’s netrunner and pay them for a quick rundown. We need information, we call up the fixer in whatever district we need the info for, and they have us do a task for them, pay them, or direct us to someone else to get the info. Networking can obviously also factor into crew building as well.
Player agency: I’ve only played a little handful of Phantom Liberty so far, but wow, they’re firing on all cylinders with this. Three moments stick out to me so far where I had the option to talk it out and make decisions, but was still allowed to bring my weapon up, and was able to just waste the threat on the spot mid-sentence. Now that’s what I call agency. I don’t think this simply just a want or an idea, I think it’s a given that more of this approach will be taken in the sequel if the way they handled it in Phantom Liberty tells us anything. More ways for us to really decide what we do.
A humanity system: Another cue from Edgerunners, where humanity was a big deal. If we're not playing as V, we don't have the Relic in our head, and that's something that has to be considered. They kinda put it in 2077 in part with the rage state mechanic but that's all the way at the top of a skill tree, and doesn't put you on MaxTac's radar or have any consequences. If modders can implement it into 2077 in their free time, CDPR can do it too.
Cosmetic and visual cybernetics: Come on choom, speaks for itself. Needs to happen. The Arasaka Cyberarms mod shouldn’t have to exist in a world where there’s droves of cyberarms just hanging around and laying in boxes. Give us subdermal LEDs (which are just junk for some reason). Neck/throat cyberware, ear cyberware, chest cyberware, lip cyberware, we want all of that. Such a standard thing for this world and adheres firmly to the rule of cool. Also when we chrome up, whether it’s functional or cosmetic, what cyberware we choose should appear on our person when appropriate. I wanna see that sandevistan protruding from my back. I wanna see that frontal cortex implant that gets me mad crit chance on my temples. And so on and so forth.
Separate tattoo locations: What if I just want one tattoo on my only 'ganic bicep? What if I like one part of a face tattoo but don't like the other stuff it comes with? Shouldn't have to use a mod for that. A tattoo artist isn't ever going to tell you "yeah, I can do that one on your arm, but I also have to put a snake on your whole torso" no matter how gonked off of secondhand drugs he is.
Regarding the story: We at least need a player character that isn't bound by the ludonarrative dissonance of impending death on a timer. If we've got a chip in our head that's gonna kill us in an urgent time frame, we shouldn't want to be hustling around the city buying luxury cars, participating in boxing matches and doing work for the police. Other than that, I don't care. CDPR are master storytellers, they'll make it and I'll like it. No good endings though, not in Night City.
Common sense fixers: Why on earth would a fixer hire a loud merc to do a quiet job? If you haven't spent any points in stealth skills, if you don’t have silencers in your stash, if you don’t have optical camo, etc., then fixers should not obligate you to carry out solo infiltration jobs where discretion is key. It just sets the player up to be chastised and paid less. They should simply not consider you for the job, but instead give you a different way you can contribute to the job. More on this later.
More functional optics cyberware: There’s no reason our Kiroshi optics shouldn’t be able to flick into thermal infrared or night vision mode if we buy a model with that feature. Why we weren’t available to buy optics with these features in 2077 is beyond me. A corp like Kiroshi has definitely entered this market.
Weapon customization: This is another no-brainer. Your weapons are an extension of yourself. You should get a say in what they look like. If I use Fenrir in 2077, why do I have to have that god awful Maelstrom logo on it when spraypaint clearly exists? At the very least, they should be fully cosmetically customizable. If you’re a techie, you should have the ability to tinker on them and fine tune them how you like, too. If you’re not a techie, there's good incentive to go make friends with one or have one in your crew. Might have a think about having your character just choose one or two weapons in the beginning and then you have to stick with them for the whole game as a component of your character, and those will be your special guns and your special guns alone. We pretty much do this anyway if we make a character build in 2077. Just like any characters we meet that carry and use their own iconic weapons, your one or two weapons will be YOUR special iconics and you can modify/have them modified to your tastes with progressively better stats, custom tuning, appearance customization and weapon effects of your choice. Jackie had two pistols and a machete that were definitively HIS hallmark weapons and components of HIS character and personality. Obviously you can use other iconics too, but they will never be YOURS. Yeah it does kind of cripple the freedom, but in a sensible way because it forces you stick to your role, make your character truly important and unique like they should be in an RPG. Plus it's kind of gonk for a corpo counterintel character to be using a sniper rifle all game and then decide they want to start using a katana without having spec'd into reflexes. What would you even do with a katana if your job has always been quickhacking and shooting from a city block away? An illusory freedom that wouldn't be missed for long, imo.
Meaningful vendors: I can play a whole character start to finish in 2077 without buying anything from a point of sale except for the odd trip into a clothing store. Even then, there’s clothes laying around for free all over the place. All of these gun shops, eateries, netrunner supply jams, junk shops, are pretty much useless. Find a way to involve them in the gameplay. Maybe some biz owners have work for you and unlock the real preem shit after you’ve increased your rep with them? Maybe you did a job that inadvertently allowed a proprietor to get a hold of some unique cyberware in their stock. Maybe you buy enough junk from a guy and he decides to sign an exclusive deal with you where he regularly sends junk shipments to your techie, who is in turn able to craft more things for you. Set up a gun dealer with a line on cost-effective components, I reckon they might be elated with the profit that they're gonna turn and maybe they've got something special for you in the back. I also noticed a vendor in Dogtown that asked if we're shopping for a Christmas present or to equip a small army. A merchant like that would be pretty valuable for someone who runs a crew that needs equipment.
Attention to economy balance: 2077 gets to a point really fast where eddies don’t mean a thing. One, because there’s not much to buy after you chrome up to whatever build you’re going for and you have all the cars and apartments you want. Furthermore, you can make more money in 10 minutes of murdering unmarked gangbangers on the map and selling their guns than you do in an actual gig. Make the Eurodollar important. Make it scarce. Think about introducing a technological macguffin that locks weapons to their owners like MGS4, not preventing you from taking them for disassembly but preventing you from selling them for easy money. You’re in a bleak, gnarly trash-ridden, sex-crazed psychotic neon dystopia where humans kidnap other humans to chop them up for XBD sales and cyberware/organ harvesting, people are enslaved in broad daylight and resigned to truly fucking heinous existences as sex and torture objects, and lives are routinely brutally ended over paltry sums of eddies. Only corpos live that high life, and even then, they're never truly safe. Make the eurodollar live up to the lore.
Trauma Team: Kind of speaks for itself but if we're neck deep in eddies, we aughta be able to invest in a Trauma Team coverage package. Instead of a game over screen and a reload from a checkpoint, why don't we implement this chef kiss worldbuilding into the actual gameplay? Don't let it go to waste.
THINGS I THINK WOULD BE INTERESTING:
Meaningful lifepaths/tabletop roles and gameplay implications: In 2077, we get the choice between three lifepaths: Nomad, Streetkid or Corpo. The tabletop roles include Rocker, Solo, Media, Nomad, Netrunner, Techie (can be combined with MedTech), and Corpo (I excluded Fixer and Lawman excluded for gameplay and narrative reasons). Gigs should be predominantly focused around these roles, allowing for some extreme diversity. The gigs that fixers give you should be the same for every character, but what you are doing in them will be different depending on your role. For instance, you're a rocker (rocker could mean rappeDJ/whatever too at this point), your role in the gig might be running interference or causing a diversion so the solos can make a hit. You're a netrunner, you're disabling security systems and providing recon for the rest of the crew. You're a media, you've gotta interrogate the miniboss at the end or slide your friend a story to air that will get the opposing faction's attention. You’re a nomad, you’re cutting off enemy reinforcements with your cool vehicle before they get to the gig site. Bang, now you've got ridiculous degrees of replayability, and not only do you have gigs that are far deeper than sneaking in/killing everyone and taking something after a quick one-sided phone call, your lifepath is meaningful and you don’t even have to live out a short intro for it. Maybe this is an implausible pipe dream because it might mean CDPR has to design every gig like 9 times though. But I'm sure many players would agree, less gigs is a totally acceptable tradeoff for higher quality. There are 81 gigs in Cyberpunk 2077 (I think). I would easily agree to chop that number down to 20 or 25 if they could implement this degree of depth, and encourage replayability so you get to experience these gigs from multiple angles.
In any case, this is going to limit players severely in what they can and can't do as far as their abilities go, but in a good way. It's going to up the RPG factor big time and make the player commit to the role they've chosen. Sure, now you can't do everything, you have a skill set limited to your chosen expertise, and it might be narrow, but.. good thing you'll have a crew that makes up for it! Need to craft stuff but you're not a techie? Get one in your crew. You a netrunner that can't handle the heat of firefights? You need a solo or two. Are you an ugly dirty nomad who hasn't had a hot shower for a few months and nobody wants to get near you? Get a hot, cool rocker to handle your social situations for you. So on and so forth.
Thoughts on tabletop attributes: I think they did a preem job adapting Cyberpunk 2020's tabletop attributes to 2077. It doesn’t need to be changed, really, but there are little ways they could make it evolve a bit so it’s not the exact same. The tabletop attributes are Intelligence, Reflexes, Tech, Cool, Attractiveness, Luck, Body and Empathy (excluded Movement Ability for obvious reasons). CDPR could think about how to implement the attributes they didn’t in 2077. Like Cool or Attractiveness functioning like Charisma in other RPGs, or being somehow related to your clothing. Hard to think about because clothing is so subjective, but it's the rule in Cyberpunk that you have to look as cool as possible and even if you fuck up, you have to make it look like you meant to fuck up. Empathy could be a stat that determines how well your can read people, tell if they're lying to you or not. Maybe the player can have one of those clothing store workers or a Mox contact appraise their Attractiveness and have them assign some kind of tasks to increase it? It's good the way it is now but just something to think about.
Vehicle customization: It’d be cool to have access to this via a garage or chain of garage businesses to trick out our vehicles cosmetically and functionally. Better yet, if you have a nomad in your crew/are a nomad, that you’d have access to exclusive modifications that will be available to utilize for gigs or just for aesthetics.
Gig preparation: Gotta intercept a convoy? Good idea to hit up your nomad choom first if you have one, and get him to install a custom EMP switcheroo in your offroad rig, or pay his buddies to set up spike strips lest you have to figure out a way to bring it to a halt the hard way. Pulling off a gig where you know there will be a big NCPD response? Best get equipped with an advanced area radio scrambler. This can kind of tie into your role-specific gig executions too. For instance, a rocker might have to go acquire some glitter and figure out a way to distribute it to the enemies on the site before the job so they’re all twacked out when the rest of the crew comes. This should also tie into the networking, more of utilizing your friends and acquaintances. Friends with the codefreak watching the Maelstrom warehouse? Give em a call, pay them/trick them/otherwise convince them to take the day off.
Role-specific activities: Just simple radiant quest-ish things that pertain to your lifepath that don't infringe on the story. Jobs that don't need to be facilitated by a fixer, jobs you get via phone or a job site on the Net. Solos could have radiants where they pick up a quick huscle job to provide overwatch for a deal, or go repo something. Rockers need to slap up gig posters and get secure lines on designer drugs for the clubs they play. Medias need to get requested footage or conduct a short interview. Netrunners doing security audits or subnet infiltrations. Stuff like that. In addition to eddies, players would also be gaining XP for their role that unlocks lifepath-specific bonuses that make you better at your role in gigs. Maybe an experienced team member can have access to different approaches in them, or get better rewards.
Tabletop skills: In the final version of 2077, we’ve got skills such as Headhunter, Shinobi, Netrunner, Solo, Engineer. The tabletop skills relevant to gameplay could be Authority, Awareness (or Perception), Athletics, General Knowledge, Interrogation or Streetwise. Perhaps some of these could be implemented, as Netrunner, Solo and Tech are already roles. Roles could give accelerated XP gain to these if they pertain. For instance, a corpo is going to eventually be really good with Authority, a solo is going to be really streetwise, etc.
Tabletop motivations: This might be a VA budget nightmare depending on how they'd run it, but when you create a character in the tabletop, there's criteria such as the thing your character values the most (money, honor, power, etc), your personality traits, how you feel about people, your upbringing, etc. CDPR is smart. If anyone can find a way to cleverly implement even light aspects of this, it would be them. You could be given small drip feed rewards for adhering to your character’s standards. Maybe your character is “stable and serious” which allows you to start with a bonus to Cool. Maybe they’re “friendly and outgoing” which would open speech checks with likeminded NPCs as a way to possibly advance in a mission or establish a contact. Maybe they’re “rebellious, antisocial, violent” so they get a slight damage bonus.
Gang/Corp relations: Doing a lot of work for a specific gang or corp? They should like you better and show it because it’s in their best interest that you are succeeding. Maybe they send some money shards or weapons from time to time, maybe they give you specific rewards, maybe they lend you someone you can add to your crew, maybe you can call some of them for backup in a fight or a deal or a gig. But if they don’t like you, you might want to rethink passing through their territory, have a plan or expect them to send someone to take you out. Or if you’re cool with them, maybe you can call on them to offload stolen goods you "found". Also note that all of the gangs in Night City in 2077 are completely fucking abhorrent except for one. Maybe they can create some new gangs or resurrect some left out gangs from prior lore. Incorporate some gangs that aren’t inherently nefarious, it'd be a good way to pick up some work for a new merc with no rep.
Neighborhood notoriety: If you're running around helping people all day in an community, guarantee they're all talking to eachother about it. Same if you're running around killing people all day. You could be respected as a protector of the district, or feared as a specter that will flatline whoever for being in the way. Westbrook vendors might give you discounts for breaking them free from Tyger Claw protection. Watson clubs might refuse to let you in if you zeroed some of their talent, or they might call the cops on you in SanDom just because they saw you wipe 6th Street party and they're scared. Maybe you'll get free synth noodles from a certain stand simply because the owner is scared to charge you anything. Maybe people should notice what you do and act accordingly, if your character's goals are anything like V's and every other aspiring merc in Night City. Maybe try to put your gun away before you talk to someone, lest they see a gun in their face and consider disliking you.
Think about stashing your money: If I'm a criminal in Night City where the cops don't do shit and I just watched you dump 30 legendary weapons into an automated sale box in Northside at night and it spit out a quarter million eddies, I'm going to flatline you instantly when you're not looking and electric slide over to the nearest dollhouse and live there for the next year. If I'm a netrunner and I scan you sitting in a booth at a club and see how loaded you are, I'm going to tell my crew and they're going to show up behind you next time you have to take a piss. If I watch you give Garry the Prophet 40 thousand eds, I'm following you down the stairs to Vik's but you're not gonna make it there. Maybe don't run around with millions of eddies on your cred chip. Keep your scratch safe at a safe in your crew's hangout and they can use it when they need it to upgrade their gear, acquire intel, hire huscle, upgrade your digs, whatever. It's Cyberpunk 2077, there's a whole ass net and you can buy your neon windbreakers and tight leather pants online from the safety of wherever is safe for you.
THINGS I THINK WE COULD DO WITHOUT:
NCPD scanner nonsense: Bounties for higher profile criminals would be fine, as the NCPD is generally really down bad on their budget and manpower, and can hardly control anything as it is. They could be accessed via the net. But just running around taking care of all of their business for them? No, choom, don’t be doing their job for them when they’d just as soon lock you up, zero you, or get you entangled in some corruption fiasco where you’re a loose end. No way. Don’t work for the badges unless it's in a gig facilitated by a fixer, it’s never worth it. Wipe these encounters entirely and put that energy and labor into something else.
Carry weight issues: Alright if we're chromed to the gills it makes sense that we can carry alot, but even so, who carries around 20 guns and 8 melee weapons on their person when you can only have 3 equipped? I think it should be toned down, and that would also benefit the economic immersion aspect of the sequel. If we run into a Tyger Claws hangout and massacre everyone, how about we call our crew to come pick through the shit off the ground instead of picking it all up ourselves and lugging it to a sale box? Also..
Effortless disassembly anywhere: If we're a techie, we're likely breaking things down into components all the time if we don't need them, putting them into the crew's pool. But why are we doing that in the middle of a Tyger Claws basketball court that we just slaughtered in broad daylight? At least take them to the trunk of your car, or better yet, your workbench back at HQ. If we're not a techie, well what are we doing trying to tinker with stuff? Go bring it to your hangout so your techie or nomad can take a look at it. Makes your lifepath and your crew choice matter more.
Regarding acting talent budget: Keanu and Idris knocked it out of the park, they are incredibly good at what they do, but CDPR should consider reallocating that Hollywood budget into other things. If they have to get celebrities, they don’t have to go all the way to Hollywood. There's a giant pool of very charismatic entertainers they could pick up, but the IP is ubiquitous enough at this point that they simply don't need the marketing boost from Hollywood star power. There are plenty of huge, well-known well-loved faces out there in the world of entertainment (music, youtube, comedy, athletics, journalism) that are avid gamers themselves would likely be thrilled to participate in the game that wouldn’t require a Hollywood paycheck. I could write more all day on tons of excellent looks for these roles, but I’ll save it for another time.
Regarding romance options: Might get heat for this one because romance options are nigh required in open-world RPGs, but I want a setting or at least a dialogue option to friendzone romance options right off the bat without losing story outcomes. Romance IS a possible factor in tabletop character creation but some people just aren't into it. Some people just want to be friends, too, and that's also very valid. Nudity and mature content is a given, obviously Cyberpunk is not a family friendly world and there's a modern understanding that games with adult content and gratuitous violence are going to be graphic. All I'm saying is it's fucking weird when I'm playing this game and my wife walks by and sees POV footage of my character splacking with moaning and gyrating tits. Makes me uncomfortable. Maybe just a problem for me, whatever. Simple options about it would be nice, something better than just slapping underwear on the models. Fade to black is such an easy solution.
Flying cars: Probably going to catch more heat for this too, because this is something everyone raves over, but I don’t find it necessary at all. Most AVs are generally autopiloted anyway and most Night City airspace is reserved for corporations, and introducing manual flying vehicles would a) totally undermine the existence of ground vehicles and b) result in a colossal psychocyberlibertarian airborne clusterfuck without an entire extensively supported NCPD air traffic control division, and from a lore standpoint, they just don’t have that kind of juice. And there’d have to be landing pads and AV parking all over the place, unless for some reason we are the only person in Night City that has a flying car; in which case, that just makes no sense. We'd be on the radar of every other freak that wants a flying car and they'd be itching to kill us and take it. Not to mention how many gangs and psychopaths would shoot it out of the sky for fun. Might as well just fast travel at that point, chooms. I’ll say it’d be a good idea for your crew to somehow acquire an AV for use in jobs, but just to fly around in a car? And do what? Look at shit from far away? Unnecessary.
Consumables: We don’t really need to be carrying around 47 cans of NiCola, 91 burritos, 20 containers of RAM Jolt, 75 slices of locust pizza, etc. in our pockets/invisible backpack/up our asses. Eliminate them entirely, instead replacing the whole concept with food stalls and eateries where you can order and immediately take a seat to consume an appropriate selection of a menu item that grants you a temp buff depending on what you order. Vending machines are strewn about all over the place and most players buy something once just to see what happens. Give those places a reason to exist.
Map marked collectibles: Collectibles are great but when you just scatter them on the map with map markers like the tarot graffiti, it just feels like a chore. It's the first thing I do after Konpeki, just driving around getting all the tarot spots just to get them out of the way. Consider erasing those map markers and making hidden collectibles much more valuable. Night City is an amazing world space, incentivize it's exploration.
Multiplayer: There should be no multiplayer BS involved if it’s going to take away from the singleplayer experience in any way, especially if CDPR has to piss swaths of their budget away for it. At the very most, make some kind of PvE jam accessed as side content. There are many players in the world with subpar internet connections, including myself, and they should not have to deal with connection issues for a singleplayer game. Having players roving the map at the same time as yourself is just going to turn it into GTA5 with griefing and other such bullshit, and make it so the game is unable to be paused, and I do not want to be bogged down dealing with other people’s children or hackers (players, not in-world adversaries) dicking with my shit. Also consider that an anti-cheat would have to be utilized and I don’t want CDPR to have to redirect any budget to be maintaining it to defend the game from people who just want to fuck it up. Lastly, keep singleplayer gaming alive. Look at all this fucking shit I wrote. Do you think I have friends? Not all of us have or even want a gang of friends/online strangers to be involved when we game. Play multiplayer games if you like multiplayer games, no need to make this singleplayer masterpiece into an online fuckfest when there's a hundred other popular online fuckfests going on.
IN CONCLUSION Thanks so much for reading or even skimming through this mess, chooms. Whether you like my ideas or hate them, I live in a world where not alot of people listen to me when I talk, so it actually does mean alot to me that you bothered to even click on this, for what it's worth. Even if you see something in that clusterfuck that made you go "no way, get real." Anyway, hope you’re having an awesome day, and if you’re not, I hope it gets better posthaste because you are, in fact, important. Also if anyone from CDPR sees this, feel free to steal all of my ideas for free.

My father has undoubtedly fucked me up to such an extent that it will take a long time to finally come to terms with all I've seen him do. Violence and anger are all I can see with him but also he has supported my dreams and has lifted me up with food, money, clothes, and shelter that I all very much appreciate. It's his way of seeking forgiveness, but it's not enough. I have forgiven my mother for the neglect, verbal abuse, and coldness that I still have to recover from as it ran my childhood. I understand why she did the things she did and why she acted the way she did. Being beaten, cheated on, trapped, and belittled everyday by the man you love and have children with, I can't imagine the pain of it all, I could only witness it and comfort her through it. She's self aware about it now, she recognizes the damage she's caused to my siblings and I and seeks forgiveness for it, and I have started the process of healing with her. I'm happy with her, it's made me a better person. I've let go of my fear of her, but not my dad. Somehow, someway, she's forgiven my father, she tells me that we need a long conversation that will span years to resolve our hurt. I know my relationships will never be normal because of it but I will always try to do better.
My father is a case that I don't know what to do with. We recently went to an RHCP concert, the music we listened to all my childhood and I can remember having fond memories of us listening to them, it's what got me into being a musician. I went to heal with him. I saw how he screamed the lyrics and danced to the music. I thought about his childhood and how horrible it was and how sad it makes me. I want to forgive him so bad, I want to heal with him, but I just can't, not yet. I know what he can be if he tried to do better and admit his wrongs, he can be the sweetest most humanitarian person I've ever seen, he's the hardest working person I've ever met. I see people as kaleidoscopic, Everyone has 100 different sides to them and can empathize and understand the sides that are the best of them. I forgive and let go, I'm big on forgiveness. But this wall is going to be much tougher to climb than I imagined, it's something that's going to take a long time and I don't know where to really start. My therapist said, for right now focus on you, when you feel ready, you'll be ready. But I feel like I could also go on without it. I'm so confused, it breaks my heart. Maybe one day, but not right now. I want what he's never given me and that's to hold me tight and say sorry.
If anyone wants to share a similar story or share their feelings you are more than welcome to do so, thanks for reading :)

Disclaimer: Not financial advice. None of this is backed by financial analysis, math or all the other shit my brain can't do.
FFIE and the concept of a group of retail investors buying shorts in order to force a squeeze on a company that could potentially go belly up due to the HF d-bags short selling is gold. As a Gen-X ape, I love it. It's almost on par with Heath Ledger's Joker burning that huge stack of cash. It's not about the money, it's about fucking the status quo that the so-called rich and powerful have established. It's V for Vendetta on an economic scale rather than a blowing up Britain.
Anywhore, I have a few uncultured, unrefined and dumb-ape thoughts about what we as a collective are doing:

1. The squeeze takes much longer than you think it should. Patience is the key.
   
2. Don't invest if you can't afford to invest. In my mind, if I have to forego putting food on the table, a roof over my head, or clothes to wear, I'm not investing. This should be obvious.
   
3. The key to creating the squeeze is numbers of people who are willing to hodl the stock for an extended period of time. How many people can be added to the collective who can afford to invest in the shorted shares.
   
4. HF d-bags hate losing, which is why this is so painful for them. They have made their life on making themselves incredibly wealthy. Win at all costs, even if you have to cheat the system or do illegal things. They have collected the "power" and wealth and centered it among themselves... the so-called elite few. And even when they get caught, the punishments never seem to fit the crimes and then they write a book about it and make a movie out of it (Greed, The Wolf of Wall Street, etc.)
   
5. As a collective, we can be more powerful than they are because we aren't afraid to lose. Sometimes a stock won't squeeze. This will result in us losing. However, because of our numbers and how we invest, whether it's one share or 1-million shares, if we are following rule number two, then we have not lost anything we couldn't afford to lose. The HF d-bags can't afford to lose. They are playing with money that isn't theirs, they will lose their jobs, their lifestyle and they will be demoralized, at least temporarily until they find something else to criminalize and make profit from.
   
6. Creating a squeeze in this manner is not manipulation of the markets. It's TRANSPARENCY... we are TELLING them what we're going to do. And for now, they're not really sure how to handle it. They cry manipulation because they don't like having their asses handed to them in a game they've rigged in their favor.
   
7. We should, at the very least, try to be forward looking at the potential consequences of our actions. The goal is a better future for ourselves and our loved ones and future generations. However, we have to be concerned about rule changes that will negate what we're trying to do or consequences that could potentially crash world markets.
   
8. What I like most about this is that the HF d-bags shorting these companies are doing it for fast ROI and to put companies out of business in order to allow themselves and others within their tight circles and to steal the intellectual property, patents and other items of value from the companies they destroy when the inevitable fire sales occur.
   

Again, none of this is financial advice. These are simply my observations and opinions. My qualifications are nil within the financial sector. The only thing of note I've done (semi-humble brag) is start at $0 15 years ago with my retirement account and build it up to about half-a-million dollars. The only thing I know is patience and investing for the long-term.
I welcome any and all opinions on the above, and I will continue to hodl my FFIE with diamond hands. May the odds be ever in our favor.

I F(23) and my bf M(29) live together. When he and I drink together we usually have a blast. Deep, beautiful conversations, and plain old fun.
However there are times when he asks me, "are you cheating on me" "you better not be talking to anyone" or variations of this. I have never done this, I have never even messaged or done anything with guy friends, and I really don't have any at this point in my life.
He has messaged pornstars and is an active PA. Which I'm trying to help him with because I love him. Now I say this because it makes me so frustrated that he's worried I will cheat when l've given zero reason for him to think so. (I get he has past trauma I'm always very sweet every time I can see he's asking out of worry) now I have an actual reason to be worried. That's also what I'll say when he asks me if I'm cheating on him. That I have given him no reason to think that. Then I reassure him l'll never do that. I offer my phone, I have a car camera I say go take a look at that. Then I say (not every time be l've learned not to) that I have more of a reason to worry than he does. That's when he goes "you're still bringing that shit up" "well you can just pack your shit up and leave then" I did not like that one bit. I told him if you say that again I will leave. He said it many times after that.
Other times he'll say it is when I ask him rightful questions, like, "why are you still looking up your old states arrest records everyday to see if you ex has been arrested" tell him love and hate is a thin line. He "hates" his ex to his core and wants to see her arrested which I highly doubt will happen.
He had a "middle school friend" who only posted pole dancing videos. Meanwhile he told me she was a ballerina. Literally made me laugh out loud. I didn't feel comfortable with him following her(he had many exes/old sex partners who were strippers/posted sexual things that he was still liking/following as well that I wasn't comfortable with) when I told him I wasn't comfortable with it, he just goes "great l'm losing another friend” which he has many female friends who I think are cool, and have zero problem with him talking to/following. But not the ones you're only looking at their sexual content and used to fuck. AlTA??
Anyways after I bring that up, or how I don't like that he watches so much porn to the point he can't touch me, he tells me to pack my shit and leave if I have such a problem with it. Then will apologize the next day, tell me I'm right and he removes them.
Well he said it again one night and that was it. I started packing my shit. I grabbed garbage bags and was packing my clothes. He came back to the room and told me to stop. I said nope. I told you if you say it again I'm done. It's hurtful and it means you're okay to throw away our relationship just because you can't have an adult conversation. He then started yelling at me. He grabbed me and threw me on the bed and yelled so loudly, "fucking stop!!" was obviously shocked and stopped. Hes never grabbed me like that.
He's said it so many times after and then will apologize in the morning, saying he didn't mean it and he just wants to have some kind of "ammo". Now it's gotten to the point where l'm waiting for it. I will pack my shit and leave. Even if it is the next morning.
Also believe it or not, this is the only time we EVER argue. That's why him telling me to "just leave" catches me so off guard and hurts. We have so much fun together sober, and not sober. It's only when he or I bring a concern up.
Even when he's not drunk, just a beer or two, he still says it. Then apologizes the next day.
My question is, is this normal, is this okay? Does this mean he doesn't truly love me? Would you leave?
What do I do. l've talked to him about this so many times after he apologizes or on a random sober day telling him he cannot say that to me, he'll agree. Then it happens again.
RL;DL What do I do with a bf who tells me to just leave if I have a problem with him, then apologizes the next day and says l'm right?

I F(23) and my bf M(29) live together. When he and I drink together we usually have a blast. Deep, beautiful conversations, and plain old fun.
However there are times when he asks me, "are you cheating on me" "you better not be talking to anyone" or variations of this. I have never done this, I have never even messaged or done anything with guy friends, and I really don't have any at this point in my life.
He has messaged pornstars and is an active PA. Which I'm trying to help him with because I love him. Now I say this because it makes me so frustrated that he's worried I will cheat when l've given zero reason for him to think so. (I get he has past trauma I'm always very sweet every time I can see he's asking out of worry) now I have an actual reason to be worried. That's also what I'll say when he asks me if I'm cheating on him. That I have given him no reason to think that. Then I reassure him l'll never do that. I offer my phone, I have a car camera I say go take a look at that. Then I say (not every time be l've learned not to) that I have more of a reason to worry than he does. That's when he goes "you're still bringing that shit up" "well you can just pack your shit up and leave then" I did not like that one bit. I told him if you say that again I will leave. He said it many times after that.
Other times he'll say it is when I ask him rightful questions, like, "why are you still looking up your old states arrest records everyday to see if you ex has been arrested" tell him love and hate is a thin line. He "hates" his ex to his core and wants to see her arrested which I highly doubt will happen.
He had a "middle school friend" who only posted pole dancing videos. Meanwhile he told me she was a ballerina. Literally made me laugh out loud. I didn't feel comfortable with him following her(he had many exes/old sex partners who were strippers/posted sexual things that he was still liking/following as well that I wasn't comfortable with) when I told him I wasn't comfortable with it, he just goes "great l'm losing another friend” which he has many female friends who I think are cool, and have zero problem with him talking to/following. But not the ones you're only looking at their sexual content and used to fuck. AlTA??
Anyways after I bring that up, or how I don't like that he watches so much porn to the point he can't touch me, he tells me to pack my shit and leave if I have such a problem with it. Then will apologize the next day, tell me I'm right and he removes them.
Well he said it again one night and that was it. I started packing my shit. I grabbed garbage bags and was packing my clothes. He came back to the room and told me to stop. I said nope. I told you if you say it again I'm done. It's hurtful and it means you're okay to throw away our relationship just because you can't have an adult conversation. He then started yelling at me. He grabbed me and threw me on the bed and yelled so loudly, "fucking stop!!" was obviously shocked and stopped. Hes never grabbed me like that.
He's said it so many times after and then will apologize in the morning, saying he didn't mean it and he just wants to have some kind of "ammo". Now it's gotten to the point where l'm waiting for it. I will pack my shit and leave. Even if it is the next morning.
Also believe it or not, this is the only time we EVER argue. That's why him telling me to "just leave" catches me so off guard and hurts. We have so much fun together sober, and not sober. It's only when he or I bring a concern up.
Even when he's not drunk, just a beer or two, he still says it. Then apologizes the next day.
My question is, is this normal, is this okay? Does this mean he doesn't truly love me? Would you leave?
What do I do. l've talked to him about this so many times after he apologizes or on a random sober day telling him he cannot say that to me, he'll agree. Then it happens again.
RL;DL What do I do with a bf who tells me to just leave if I have a problem with him, then apologizes the next day and says l'm right?

Hi,
I'm currently indecisive about what size duffel bag I want to purchase. I'm considering a Large (95L), or a Medium (71L) at this point. Presently I have an 85L Under Armor Undeniable 4.0 duffel that I keep my gym climbing gear in - 2-3 pairs of shoes (climbing and workout trainers), 1-2 harness, 1-2 harness chalk bags, 1 chalk bucket, and usually a change of clothing. (sometimes I even bring an additional set of of indoor kit for a child or my partner). I find these items don't usually fill all the space in the bag (unless I have that extra person's stuff), and the bag itself is quite flimsy, made of poorer quality material with little reinforcement. I feel like the Medium BC duffel bag would be more appropriate and provide a better fit for the items I'm regularly packing, but then I wonder if Id be cheating myself by not just getting the Large 95L version. I frequently use my UA duffel for travelling as well and have often filled it to capacity when necessary. Having an additional 10L of space over my UA bag would be of a benefit, but I don't want the bag to feel loose and flimsy with my regular everyday carries for gym use.
Does anyone know if the Base Camp duffel has sturdy construction?

I consider what he has done cheating despite it not being physical and he hasn’t been with anyone else. He has kept a secret our whole relationship, lied to me, disrespected me, deceived me and been unfaithful.
Both me and my boyfriend are in our 20s, we’ve been together for 6 years since we were 18 and now 25.
He recently told me, 6 years into what I thought was a really happy, amazing and healthy relationship that he has a porn addiction. We never argue, we’re really great together and I’ve never been so connected to anyone before. We are like one person, we do everything together, we’re together 24/7, never go to sleep on bad terms, we’re connected physically, spiritually, emotionally. I’m not controlling or mean.
I am heartbroken. It’s all I can think about. He told me that throughout our relationship he’s constantly been watching porn, searching for leaked nudes and videos, looking through girls instagrams, looking at girls irl, fantasising about other people.
I asked him if he’s ever purchased a girls onlyfans the first time he told me. He told me that night, to my face, that no he would never do that. Then a few days later told me that he actually has done that and that he set up a one time use debit card to buy the subscription (which I didn’t even know you could do) so that it doesn’t show up on your bank or anything and used a fake email for the account ect.
Technically he’s been watching onlyfans girls for years. He said he subscribed to this one person because he couldn’t find her leaked videos. But for years he was using leaked websites, Reddit ect to find particular girls videos and pictures. He said he’s used reverse image search for find out girls names ect so he could find video and pictures of them. He said even girls I’ve sent him just as reels on Instagram or when we’ve watched TV shows together, if he finds out they have onlyfans he’s secretly gone and found leaked content of them.
He said he doesn’t always pleasure himself when watching porn ect he often just watches it or looks at images without touching himself.
He has watched it in nearly every job he’s had, including a job where we worked in the same factory, in the same area together. He said he would often have headphones in and listen to ‘amsr moaning’ and he would go to the toilet to watch porn or sometimes in the car when driving. He told me when he was a delivery driver that he would watch it a lot in the van and listen to moaning sounds/ porn amsr while driving. He went and brought a rubber glove and then pleasured himself in the back of the work van watching porn. And probably pleasured himself multiple times in work in multiple jobs. He has also pleasured himself and watched porn in the gym that we go to together. He watched it all the time- driving, in work, when I was making us food or in the shower, if I was gone for 5 mins ect, in the bath, in the gym.
Something that hurt me a lot is that he told me he looks at girls in the gym and out and about, he said he’s often fascinated what it would like to be inside them. Looking at their bodies/ bum ect. And he actually pleasured himself over one girl that was in the gym that we went to together. He also told me that there was a girl he found really attractive who worked in a local shop we go to together and that he would want to fuck her. He said he would like the idea of a threesome with me and her. Which makes me feel so sick that he thinks that way. I have never looked or thought about another man in that way and I don’t find any one else attractive. Meanwhile he said he looks at girls all the time and thinks about them, he said he was looking at girls everywhere, in the gym, on holiday when they’re in bikinis ect. I said what if the situation was the other way round, would you let me sleep with someone else? He said not a chance, he wouldn’t want another guy to do stuff to me but he would want another girl?
Looking is one thing but fantasising about other girls and thinking about them in a sexual way and saying you wish you could sleep with other girls. Searching for leaked nudes and watching specific people.
He said he doesn’t really look at me the same way he does other girls he doesn’t think of me in that way. He said sometimes he wishes he had more ‘experience’ before he got with me because he’s only slept with one person one time before we got together and he feels like he’s getting old as hasn’t experienced other people or things, we both only know each other. Which is more than enough for me I’m extremely satisfied.
But he says there nothing wrong with me or our sex life. We have a lot of great passionate sex, we feel really connected, we both say it’s the best thing ever. I never say no to anything, I do whatever he pleases. I’ve always given him blowjobs, where ever and whenever- in the car, in the woods, in the gym, on the beach ect I always do and at home I make sure to make him feel so good I’ll go for hours he says it’s best thing ever and that I’m amazing. I say he can record videos of us/ me for him to look at but I don’t think he ever looks at videos/ pictures of me or thinks of me when pleasing himself.
He’s always said he prefers my body when we first got together but I was only 17 at the time and I feel like I’ve developed more now but he said he liked my smaller boobs and smaller body, I was probably about 10 stone then. I have gained weight but In a relationship that’s normal and I feel like this is my adult body now weighing around 12 stone 6, but when we got together I was still growing. I gained a lot of weight in 2020 before I knew about my thyroid that caused me gain weight and I got to nearly 16 stone in 2021, I wasn’t looking after my body. and I know he didn’t like that and probably didn’t like how I looked/ didn’t find me attractive but then we started the gym together and I’ve lost over 3 stone since then and he’s made a lot of progress too, he went from really skinny to now a healthy weight and muscles, he likes heavy lifting and going the gym it’s been good for him. I think maybe it’s boosted his ego a lot but I think he looks incredible and I find him super attractive. But going the gym together now, I’ve started lifting weights with him instead of just cardio but I often get sad when I see other girls or girls with big bums ect as I know he’s probably looking and it puts me down.
I was really debating whether to stay with him because of the lies and everything, it’s really hurt me and affected me. He says he can’t see himself with anyone else and he only wants me and that he does love me and I really genuinely don’t want to be with anyone else but at the same time I don’t know anything else. Even how much he hurt me I was still crying in his arms and getting comfort from him, he’s the only person I have and makes me feel safe and happy. I don’t have anyone else and I’d be alone, I don’t have any friends and I’m not super close to my family. I only want to do life with him, we’re extremely close and tell each other everything (or so I thought). He said he won’t watch anymore videos and so far 3 months later he hasn’t, he said he’s had slip ups of looking at girls instagrams or looking at girls irl but he said he will tell me everything from now on and he hasn’t even had any thoughts about watching it. He said he thinks it’s an unhealthy habit he developed and didn’t tell me because he knew I wouldn’t like it or would think of him differently. But I do think of him differently now I feel like I never truly knew him even though I thought I did and that a of our memories in my head I’m thinking did he do anything like that on that day. Sometimes we’d even watch porn together or id give him a blowjob while he watched it but I never knew what he was doing. I just feel so lied to and betrayed. Ive never felt so insecure, I feel like I’m trying to do things to impress him even though it won’t make a difference and I feel like I need to change so that he will like me.
I always felt like we’re were still basically in the honey moon phase despite being together for 6 years because i still get excited over him and butterflies ect and I think he’s so attractive and would do anything for him and he makes me feel so good but I don’t ever think it was the same for him he never looked at me nor loved me the way I did him. I guess I’ve just always been there he’s just used to me I don’t know, i don’t think I’m that attractive or feminine or have an amazing body im just like average I guess but I think I’m a good and nice girlfriend. He never gets excited when I send him pictures like nudes ect, I can be completely naked around him and he doesn’t show any interest but I thought that’s just how he was. He’s told me a few times that I’m more needy when it come to sex, I’m always in the mood and he’s the one that normally makes excuses or says no but I never say no and also I like to be eaten out and he never does it, he’s barely done it to me because he says he doesn’t like it, he had a bad experience with someone else but also says he doesn’t like it even though I’m constantly shaved and clean, I shave my entire body all the time and down there is always clean shaven and super soft but I’ve always just accepted that he doesn’t like doing it. But when I asked if he would do it to another girl he said he would probably.
I feel like I can’t be the same, I feel jealous and insecure, constantly overthinking. I feel like it’s ruined my brain and how I think now as I’ve literally never thought that he was that type of person. I’ve always loved him because he was different and wasn’t like every other guy and I’ve honestly never seen or noticed him looking at other girls. I feel so blind and stupid.
I want to stay with him and help him overcome his addiction, a porn addiction is a real problem and can have affects like any other addiction and it’s probably why he’s had some intimacy issues ect but I feel like 6 years and everything we’ve done together is a long time to hide, keep secrets, lie to me. But it’s not just porn, you can stop looking at porn but looking at other girls is much harder because they are present in real life, they’re everywhere. Girls with good bodies and big bums in the gym and all over social media, girls in the gym wearing tight clothing I’m sure it’s hard not to look especially when I look nothing like that. Social media like instagram full of onlyfans girls and thirst traps even just normal girls profiles I know he looks at. I don’t think he would ever physically cheat or message someone but I just want to be the only one, I want to feel special and feel like how I was when I didn’t know anything, like I was the only girl for him. I want him to look at me the way he does other people.

Hey Reddit users I’m gonna make this question as quick as I can. Sorry for bad grammar ;).
Should I leave my girlfriend? I’m 18M she’s 18F we are both young we met when I was 16 and she was 15. We dated in our past but broke up just cause I lost interest but she was still in love with me. The day we broke up I made out with this girl at a party and she found out. Well from then till like Aug of 2023 we never talked. I lived my life while she hooked up with some of the ppl I thought were my friends and others. In Aug of 2023 we started talking again I didint talk to her cause i like or missed her I simply got dumbed by my ex gf and needed quick companionship she added me on snap when she found out I was single and we just started talking. She deeply loves me. Long story short we ended up dating again. I liked her but not as much as I needed to I still missed my ex mostly. She was so happy to be dating me again she felt bad about hooking up with my friends and she told me that’s how I found out . Later in nov i ended up hooking up with my ex and she found out dumbed me I convinced her to get back with me and she did but never forgets sboyt it Here’s were the real story starts
Now ever since then our relationship has been a shit show we argue over the most stupid things that cause use to block and unblock each other we barely have the same romantic energy it’s more arguing than love. We don’t see each other as much cause I moved now but when we do see each other it’s chill we sometimes have good days. But now she won’t let me do stuff with friends without her being there. Our relationship isn’t the same since I cheated we have arguments at 7am then have another at 4pm and another at 11pm (this is all over the phone ) then sometimes we will when a good day. One time I was driving and she was in the passenger and we were in an argument and she started hitting me while driving ( I live in a rural area so I wasn’t around any traffic. She punched scraped me and all while I was driving and trying to pull over on the side the road. And we jsut had a whole big fight. She threw a closed knife and hit me in the head which hurts still to this day .
You may be thinking yeah definitely end the realtionship but I know she truly loves me she has done so much like pay for our date meals when I had completely no money and she never complained ( she did multiple times) she bought me clothes I liked when we went shopping she would take care of me if I feel sick or mad she will send me money to get food it’s been times one time I got super drunk and chocked her out and she forgave me and there is a lot more
I don’t wanna leave her cause im attached to her but there is so many more cons than pros and one is i simply hardly find her attractive i just like her personality and her being her. Its just the fights and arguments are unreasonable for a 18 year old relationship please give me advice

I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]
The best revenge is a happy life... and having your cheating ex pay you child support.
Originally posted to ProRevenge
Original Post Apr 5, 2021
Grab a cup of coffee or tea because this is a long story (I apologize but hope its worth your time to read).
My revenge began with discovering my wife's infidelity (let's call her "Keri"). After fourteen years of marriage and three kids, I saw a text appear on her "work phone" for just a few seconds that would forever change my life. It was a message that was sexually graphic and had no business being on anyone's "work phone". It was on the lock screen and the sender's name was visible (let's call him "Perry").
Background: I married Keri when I was 25 and she was 22. I was teaching high school at the time and she was a RN. After having our first child, Keri became a stay at home mom. Money was tight, so I took on an admin roll in my department and coached two sports for the stipends. We made it and after a few annual pay raises, I stopping coaching and took advantage of a program to earn an administrative credential.
Once I made the jump to administration, our last child was ready for preschool and Keri decided she wanted to go back to work. Nursing jobs are always available, but they're not always the best positions. Keri pretty much had to start back at the bottom, working alongside nurses that were a lot younger than she was and could work back-to-back double shifts that took at toll on Keri. When she asked her supervisor about other positions, she was told that without a BSN, she wasn't going to move up (at the time, Keri had only the 2-year ADN). I told her that between preschool, afterschool rec, and my retired mother (who was always willing to pick up the kids from school and watch them), I'd support her getting her BSN.
It took her three years, but eventually she had her BSN and was promoted to a better position at the hospital. Things were good for a while. We had plenty of money, so finally moved into our own "McMansion", bought new cars, etc. I'd moved from school admin to the district admin, so I had more time to spend with Keri and the kids. She was working a more predictable schedule and even with my often-long hours at work, this change allowed us to finally take vacations to all the places we'd put on a list during our Honeymoon (she kept that list in our wedding album).
At some point years later, I noticed she's carrying two phones with her. When I asked her about it, she said that it was a phone provided by the hospital. I didn't question her explanation because my district had also given me the option of a phone or a phone stipend (which I took instead). Again, months went by and I thought we were a happy "perfect" family.
I charged my phone in our den while she charged her phones in our guest bedroom that doubled as a computer room so we could keep tabs on the kids while they surfed the web. I was updating software on the computer when I saw a light around her work phone. She had a habit of always turning her phones face down when charging them. Out of curiosity, I reached over to the phone and flipped it over. A message had popped up on the lock screen asking her when she'd like to be "orally pleased again' but in much more graphic language. I also saw that "Perry" sent it.
The world stopped around me. I just froze. My first thoughts where "What the hell was that about? Its her work phone! That kind of message gets people fired!" Then it hit me... was Keri having an affair?
It's amazing how the brain works. I suddenly started remembering a lot of things Keri had done that seemed "odd" but I'd either dismissed them myself or immediately accepted her explanation. She was always walking out of the room to answer a call or return a text and claimed that it would violate HIPAA if I overheard her talking about a patient. I accepted this because education has similar privacy laws regarding students. She would sometimes come home with the faint smell of cologne on her clothes and claimed it was from helping to move male patients. Again I accepted this at face value, but it always struck me as odd how it seemed to be same scent of cologne.
Once the proverbial barn door was open, I started seeing a lot of things that I'd missed before. Our love life in the bedroom had cooled off considerably which wasn't helped by her having to leave the house at odd hours to "fill in for other nurses that called in sick". I also recalled where I'd seen the name "Perry" before and a call to the hospital confirmed he was a doctor there.
For the next week or so, I was walking around in daze trying to put all of the pieces together. One of our kids had left a book in Keri's car, so it was an excuse to visit the hospital (Keri had told me personal visits were frowned upon). My kid went up to get Keri's car key (I'd "forgotten" my key to her car at home), I talked to a nurse in the lobby and "joked" about how "work phones" seem like a blessing but all they do is put you on call 24 hours a day. This led to her eventually telling me that the hospital was too "cheap" to give cell phone to nurses, so only high level executives got them (which didn't include Keri).
With pretty much everything confirmed, I took some personal time off the next day to talk to a divorce lawyer. The news she gave me was horrible. We lived in a community property state with no fault divorce. I made more money than Keri, she'd been the primary caretake of the kids, and we'd been married for more than ten years. Basically, if I filed for divorce, I'd be screwed. Lose the house, pay alimony, she'd get a huge chunk of my retirement, and I'd pay child support for the next decade unless I was lucky enough to be awarded joint custody. The worst thing she told me was that it didn't matter that she cheated.
It. Didn't. Matter. I was crushed.
There was only one person I could trust with this kind of information. She was a fellow teacher that had also made the jump to administration (but was "stuck" at a school site). Let's call her "Anne". Anne had been married at 19, but her marriage was annulled when he got some other woman pregnant. Since then, she'd focused on her career and we'd found we were kindred spirits in a lot of ways regarding K-12 education.
I talked to Anne. She said something to me that changed my whole mindset: If you don't like the hand you're dealt, change the deck. I realized I had two problems: I made more money than Keri and she had more time than me to be the primary caretake of the kids.
The second issue was actually kind of easy. At every district office, there are jobs that are "fast tracks" to higher positions and there are jobs that administrators suffer through (like Mess or KP duty in the military). One of these dead-end regulatory positions was open again (ambitious administrators leave after a couple of years when a better position opens up). I sat down with our district superintendent and asked about being transferred to that position. At first he was shocked but I told him that it was "my time to take one for the team" and it would fill a "hole" in my admin experience. He agreed.
It was really just crunching numbers with no personnel or student interaction so I could set my schedule, even take a laptop home and work there. With my new free time, I began taking the kids to school, picking them up from school (not leaving them in afterschool rec or having my mother watch them), and taking them home. I'd help them with their homework, make dinner, etc. While the end goal was to become their primary caretaker, I can't explain how much I really, really enjoyed taking a more active roll in their day to day lives.
My salary hadn't been reduced, so I needed to find a way for Keri to make a lot more money than she was in current nursing position. I remembered Keri being mad after she'd earned her BSN and a supervisor told her "in the future, bachelor degrees will be worthless and everyone will need at least a masters degree". Keri had worked hard to get her BSN and that supervisor's comment pissed all over her hard work. I talked her into starting a MSN program. I told her that since I had a much more flexible work schedule, I would keep taking care of the kids. She was reluctant at first, then I said, "You could have every evening free to study or go to class, whatever you want to do." I saw her eyes immediately light up, probably thinking that she could spend more time with Perry.
To make sure she was actually completing her MSN courses, I paid her tuition and fees directly to her university. It was going to take her between two and three years to finish.
Those years were rough at times. I could tell every time she was rushing off or coming back from seeing Perry. There was an excitement or sense of satisfaction in her eyes that just wasn't there when she was doing her coursework. I had to either smile or pretend I didn't notice. My temper got short at times and I found myself in arguments over petty nonsense. A couple of times I almost blew the whole charade having to bite my tongue and apologize rather than scream insults at her that she deserved.
Anne remained my confidant through all of this. I'd recommended her for my previous "fast-track" position and she joined me at the district office. Anne was qualified, hardworking, ambitious and only needed her foot in the door to impress the higher ups. I even got a few pats on the back for recommending her after she impressed everyone.
Anne and I started our own affair. It wasn't some hot-blooded, passionate romance, but two friends giving each other what they need. Without Anne, I wouldn't have been able to maintain the charade of being the oblivious cuckold. But when Keri would come home smiling after spending time with Perry, I was able to bear it, smiling back because I had my own lover.
After three and a half years, Keri completed her MSN and was promoted at her hospital. Her salary went up substantially and was now higher than mine. When the kids and I made her a "congratulations dinner", I made a joke about her being the "breadwinner" for the family and she laughed, joking back I should be a stay at home dad now.
A month later, I went back to the lawyer (who didn't remember me at first) and told her the financial situation had drastically changed. With these new facts, she drafted the petition and filed it. When the kids were with my mother, I had Keri served. The deputy knocked on our front door and I let him in, pointing at my wife. He asked her name and then handed her a copy of the divorce petition. With the deputy standing there, I told Keri I knew all about her affair with Perry (but I didn't tell her how long I'd known). I told her to go be happy with her doctor lover. She screamed at me, tried to lie, and then made the mistake of rushing toward me.
The deputy stopped her and warned her that women go to jail for domestic violence, too, "now". He suggested she pack a bag to stay somewhere else. Keri left after I promised not to tell the kids about her affair. I didn't tell the kids. But I told my mother, who told my sister, who told her kids, who told their cousins (my kids). It took a few days, but eventually the kids knew that dad was divorcing mom because "she had a boyfriend".
In the end, the court granted the divorce, giving me primary custody of our kids (because I was already their primary caretaker), I kept the house with the promise I'd refinance to buy out Keri's half, she was ordered to pay child support, and I used that fact to negotiate with her to give up any rights to my retirement if I bought her out.
I was able to refinance "my" home (it was the era when banks threw money at everyone to buy or refinance a mortgage) and with a little money borrowed from my parents, I bought our Keri's community property interest in the home and in my retirement. The day she signed all the paperwork with my lawyer finally ending any possible financial obligations to her was the happiest I'd been. I felt like I could finally breathe. I celebrated with Anne who'd been my rock through all of it. I'm not ashamed to say that through the years I'd cried many times in her arms. Anne and I would eventually marry. She got promoted to a higher position and I was "convinced" to take back my previous position at the district when my youngest child reached high school.
Keri and I got along well after the divorce. We took the kids to family therapy and worked out this co-parenting thing. For the few few months, she took a beating from the kids about "why she needed a boyfriend when daddy was there all along?" Between the kids and the therapist raking her over the coals, I didn't have to say anything at all. Keri missed a lot of time with the kids because of her now legitimately busy work schedule and I actually felt bad that my kids were missing time with their mother, so encouraged them to talk to her on the phone instead.
When Keri found out that I'd proposed to Anne, she congratulated me. I told her its okay for her to marry Perry, too. She got sad. She told me that Perry had started seeing another woman, a younger nurse at the hospital, because with her new position, she didn't have time for him and when they did get together, she wasn't "fun" anymore. My ex-wife, the woman who'd cheated on me and destroyed our marriage, was looking to me for sympathy. I had none to give.
What I had was years of anger and frustration. Years of knowing some other man was sleeping with my wife. I'd lost weight from not being able to eat, I'd suffered hypertension and had to confide in my doctor why it wasn't the stress of my job. I had to listen to my dentist complain about how I was grinding and listening to him tell me I'd need dental implants if it kept up. There were times when I had to be intimate with Keri to keep up the charade (fortunately infrequently), only to lie that I wanted to use condoms to "remind us how we used to have sex when we were dating" or "because I might have a bladder infection", then go take a STD test anyway and wait for the results before seeing Anne again.
But in the end, it was all worth it. Sure, Keri got a big payout when I bought her out of the house and my retirement, which she was trickling back to me through child support, but she lost everything else. Her kids only saw her every other weekend and spent a couple of holidays with her. Perry dumped her and he was no great catch anyway, since he was twice divorced with five kids and paying alimony and child support through the nose. I kept my kept my kids, my house, my income, my retirement, I got Anne, and I am genuinely happy -- all in a community property state with no fault divorce.
If that's not "pro revenge", then I don't know what is.
TL;DR: Wife cheated and instead of divorcing her right away, I spent years putting her through additional schooling and taking over caring for our kids so that when I did divorce her in our community property, no fault state, she'd be paying me.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST

Hey guys this is my first time posting anything on Reddit but I’ve decided to go ahead and share because I need some support and it’s been comforting just reading everyone’s posts about their own experiences.
My ex and I broke up this past April. He was the dumper and it happened in the moment I needed someone the most and it felt essentially a repeat of when we broke up last year.
Our history is a bit of a long story I really don’t want to get into so I’ll try to sum it up. We were together for 4 years and in 2021 we moved in together. (Gay relationship between 2 males btw). I didn’t heal from baggage I came with (neither did he) and unfortunately we hurt one another along the way but we both decided to stay and work through things. I found out last May (the day I decorated the venue for his family for their cousins sweet 16) that he was cheating on me with someone and it’s been going on for months. Long story short it ended up being a nasty breakup. When I found out I reached out to the guy he was involved with and let him know what was going on and that my ex has been in a relationship with me and living with me while seeing him and the guy screenshot everything and sent it to my ex. Not even 2 minutes later my ex calls me livid, cursing me out with me on speaker on front of his sister. He tells me to not go to the sweet 16 I decorated for his family (using my flower wall, lights, canopy tent, everything) and my ex was so angry he came with his sister the day after the sweet 16 packed his clothes and left. (We just renewed our lease that month I had a pregnant cat it was a mess) and he blocked me on IG and him and the guy remained following each other and seeing each other the entire summer.
I cried for weeks. He made his family block and unfollow me, his mother couldnt even look or speak to me when I went to get my car from their house it looked like I betrayed him. He told me he was embarrassed in a way he will never forget etc. He texted me that he was going to only pay for 2 months of rent and then that’s it. As June approached I packed everything and the little stuff he left in the apartment (drawers filled with clothes, his mirror, couch, sneakers etc) and I moved out and left his things neatly packed in the middle of the living room. I painted the apartment back to white with tears in my eyes and the entire time he was out partying and posting it online and his friends and everyone were posting him. I was devastated.
When he found out I moved he cursed me out and demanded I send him the rent for June and then said I ruined his life. After I sent him the money (like an idiot) I blocked him and his entire family and was in no contact for about 5 months. He Completely gas lit me. 2 days later I found out he rented an airbnb upstate with the guy he cheated on me with and they spent the entire weekend alone in a cabin having sex. I was devastated. Cried the entire summer. He trashed talked me on TikTok, on IG and on threads and the entire time I was silent. I was afraid to fall asleep because the dreams would haunt me.
2 months later his mother emails me to my work email asking for a time me and him can meet so he can get a sweater and a broken photography light from my storage. This is a grown 6’2, 28 year old man who is bald and weighs 230lbs who wasn’t man enough to email me or confront his problem, he had mommy email me to my work email.
Fast forward to September he comes back and texts me for closure then hits me with a corny messaging saying “he’ll be at a museum at 6pm at the Egypt exhibit waiting for me because he needs to know what is and isn’t for him. If I don’t show up he will understand etc.”
We eventually met somewhere in October and spoke and decided to try again. As time progressed it was clear he didn’t do any of the work he was just distracting himself from reality and I did so much work on myself, I went to therapy and really dug deep within myself to heal past and current traumas.
January of this year I lost my job and he assured me if for whatever reason I don’t land a job in 2-3 months he will help support me. January turned to April I didn’t land a job (at this point I’m now living on my own and he is still with mommy and daddy) and me being unemployed at that point for 4 months was hard on me I got sad and depressed at times I couldn’t do much but stay locked in the house. I applied to so many jobs and it was a funky time for me. He would hang with his friends every weekend and invite me but I wasn’t comfortable because of how we turned everyone against me last year and it was just something I was still recovering from. So was intentional on building my own community and tapping into my own friends because the entire relationship I was with him and his family and friends all the time and never with mine. I moved from NYC to Jersey and I was essentially on his turf and as he saw the dynamic of our relationship was now different because of how it ended I was no longer comfortable around his people I don’t think he liked that.
April he hits me with “he doesn’t think I need a bf right now what I need is family and friends, let’s take a break and come back to this without the pressures of healing and etc. that he believes so much in the relationship which is why he is doing this.” At this point I had no money for rent, he was going to help me with Mays rent, he knew this, the night before I was going to meet my friend Nicole (who I met at a bar and she so happened to be a therapist) to speak to her about some of my worries and fears that this time I’m back in Jersey, no job, living on my own and things are rocky again with my ex. He didn’t like that and told me I was acting frantic for meeting with a friend and threw in my face “maybe she can help me with next months rent.”
Overall we had an amicable breakup he just said that he had a lot going on, didn’t want to stretch himself thin or compromise himself while trying to help me. He said “this will not be like last year, let’s stay in constant communication and come back stronger.” After that we went from texting and talking everyday to him now responding to me once a day and his responses to me were just very… different. It felt like breadcrumbing so I respectfully told him after he mentioned “it doesn’t seem like you want to speak now” I told him “ I don’t really wish to speak atm I’m just focusing on studying rn, on myself, and making sure I remain good without any added confusions or distractions. My priority rn is what’s best for me.” He told me “that contradicts everything we spoke of”
I was in protective mode at this point because this felt too similar to last year. I’m about to lose another apartment, he broke up with me, he’s backing off knowing my situation and he doesn’t want to get involved and he even told me “I don’t want to be affected by anything you have going on”
So the best thing I could do was go no contact but without blocking, or doing anything to alter or change the future we said we would come back to. I kept him on social media I didn’t check up on him, I didn’t block him I just let him know that I I didn’t want to speak in the moment and had to focus on me and make sure I was good. We didn’t end on bad terms. 2 and a half weeks later of no contact he blocks me on Instagram. A week and a half after that he unblocks me. I took a trip to Mexico for my birthday, he didn’t wish me a happy birthday and blocked me again on IG. I’m saddened and disappointed because we didn’t end on bad terms and it’s triggering and scary to me because I can’t unsee now everything he is capable of, it feels mean and vindictive like how we was last year and he’s doing everything wrong and not according to what the breakup agreement was. This time around I’m stronger but very triggered and disappointed that he’s showing me just how unhealed and very vindictive he can be. Simply because I decided to be transparent and chose me as he ultimately chose himself again so I can get through this better to revisit the relationship. Any thoughts? Sorry this was a lot. I wish I could provide screenshots but my screenshots were posted on the “ExNoContact” community and “HeartBreak”’community

My boyfriend (24M) and I (26F) have been dating for almost three months now. Recently, there’s been some tension and I’m not sure how to handle this situation. I think it’s a mixture of misunderstandings, honestly a mistake on my part, that led to one thought to another that I led to him thinking I was being secretive and untruthful.
Since the beginning of our relationship, everything felt good and perfect. We had amazing conversations, our values aligned, and it felt like we had the same goals. We are both aware on how much we are against adultery, and how much it will hurt us. I’ve been cheating on before, so I know how heartbreaking that experience is.
I’m not entirely sure what his dating history is like, but it feels like I have more than him. There’s a warmth in him that I feel like I’ve lost over the past years due to painful memories. To be honest, I was worried that I was “too dead inside” to be with someone as loving and warm as him. But regardless, I tried my best. There’s a certain quiet confidence and love in him that I admire. I wanted to learn to be like that too. And I’d like us to continue our relationship in a loving trustful way again.
There are four main incidences that led to this moment:

1. KOREA TRIP: Recently, I travelled to Korea for a month, and there’s been a lot of growing tension. To start, he believes that men and women can’t be friends (it’s a common view in Korean culture). His friend group feels the same. However, I grew up (in western culture) that women and men can be friends, and have a healthy platonic friendship. And my friend group feels the same as me. It’s a disagreement, most likely due to different environments and culture, but we still respected each other on that matter.

In Korea, I was planning to meet two of my guy friends and one girl friend (all separate hangouts) while my visit there. I noticed that he didn’t seem too pleased that I was meeting one-on-one with guys. I told him who I’m meeting (a guy from volunteering, a guy from my undergrad program, and a girl who used to be a visa student and live with me). He told me it was okay for me to meet guy friends, but to let him know if I’m drinking.
He sighed over the phone, so I assumed it was due to jealousy. I told him everything was fine, and that they’re just friends. But I was slightly bothered by the sigh, because it felt like he didn’t trust me. Either way, I thought I did as he asked. I told him where, when, and who I was meeting, and what my friendship is like with them. Before he went to bed (we were in opposite timezones), he asked me to let him know what I was up to that day. But after my hangouts he reached out to me telling me that he’s upset, because he thought I would update during my hangouts. It turns out that he hoped that I would send him updates like “I’m leaving now”, “I’m with my friend now”, “this is a photo of what we’re eating”, “I’m heading home now”, and “I’m home” when he woke up. But I didn’t send him anything.
For me, in my past relationships my partners were never really curious about my interactions with people. If I told them “I’m meeting a friend today”, their response was typically “okay have fun”, and that was it. So it didn’t register in my head that I should update him during the actual hangout. Nor was it a top priority in my head because of that. In addition, I tend to not look at my phone when I’m with someone, especially one-on-one. And because he said to let him know on how my day went, I was planning to tell him over the phone anyway and send everything at once while he’s awake, rather than send while he’s asleep in case I wake him up. After some conversation he said that he wasn’t worried that I was going to cheat, but that he didn’t trust guys because biologically they are prone to fall into their desires. And that typically when guys are friends with girls, there’s a purpose. As well as that he was worried something might happen to me because I was in a different country. I apologized, but I think it made him also worry that I was trying to hide from him.
I acknowledge that this was a misunderstanding on my part, because I didn’t think ahead that although my previous partners weren’t curious or invested in my social life, my current boyfriend is. So I could’ve thought to update him like he wanted to, but I didn’t. So I acknowledge it was my mistake.

1. INSTAGRAM: The second incident involves Instagram. I have two accounts on Instagram, a regular account and fitness account. I created the fitness account when I started getting interested in the gym. I loved seeing my progress, connecting with other gym rats, and learning from them. Although I got inappropriate dm’s here and there, almost 97% of the messages I get are “Hey! I loved your page and I’m a gym-goer myself. Let’s connect and cheer each other on!”. It was almost a copy paste for these messages, I think it was a way for people to get followers (follow for follow).

I never mentioned anything about people messaging me on my fitness to him before. I didn’t feel like necessary information, because it was just a “hey let’s follow each other!” tactic for new fitness Instagram users. However, he started to question how often I receive messages, how often I keep in touch with them. And honestly, it’s just once in a while, and maybe there might be a few messages back and forth if someone posts something cool on their story like a post workout photo (not sexual or anything, just fully clothed, sometimes with a group of friends), and someone might reply “good work!” That’s it. Nothing special. But he wasn’t sure how much is “sometimes” or “a few”. Even with my guy friends on my regular Instagram. I have friends from church, volunteering, networking events, school, etc that we send reels to each other time to time. He wasn’t sure what time to time meant so I said “maybe once a week? Or once a month? Depends on the person”. I think my vague answers made him believe I was being vague on purpose, to hide. But I was being 100% truthful. I got frustrated, because it felt like my Instagram was creating trouble for my relationship. So I temporarily deactivated both general and fitness accounts. Not out of spite to him, but rather a break from Instagram and the misunderstandings that came with it.

1. THIRD INCIDENT: GEORGE / Instagram.

My boyfriend and I got to know each other through my fitness account before we started dating. He messaged me saying “hey I also live in the same city as you and I go to the gym! Let’s be friends!” And that’s kind of how our relationship started. He was the kindest most sweetest down to earth person I’ve seen in a while. At the same time, I felt insecure. Because there was so much purity in his heart that I feel like I lost over the past years. Either way, I think there was some pressure inside of me that I wanted to be on my best behaviour. He inspired me to be more kind to myself, in my heart to others, and more.
But recently, there was a guy who sent him a follow request (let’s call him George 22M). I actually got a message from George first before my boyfriend on my Instagram, and they said that they were moving to my city soon as a visa student, and wanted some recommendations on the best gyms and protein powder.
So I messaged back, we hung out once (I was showing him the city), and ordered protein powder for him.
To be honest, I have a soft spot for people who are younger than me. I feel like I wasn’t really cared for as the youngest child. And I was always part of volunteering and leadership programs for visa students and new students. So I helped him out in that mindset, to be his first friend. I was eager to help him out. And because I have a soft spot for younger people, I tend to be overly friendly. Enthusiastic, lots of laughter, friendly, and cute emojis. It’s almost a habit, because it was a way for me to lower the pressure of “talking to a senior” (in Korean culture, people are sometimes intimidated by older people due to “superiority”), and I always wanted to eliminate that. Even in volunteering and mentorship / leadership programs. So being goofy, bubbly, and friendly always seemed to help. Either way, I did not think of him anything more than a younger friend to help out and chat with time to time.
However, George sent my boyfriend a follow request. I think George sends follow requests to anyone who has mutuals (his account was also new). My boyfriend saw that they had mutual, including me. I never mentioned about George to my boyfriend before. Because I thought it wasn’t necessary information. George and I met twice, which was before my boyfriend and I started dating. And I’ve never met him once more.
And my boyfriend asked “have you met George before” and I said yes. And then he asked “how often do you message each other” and I said “about a few every two weeks(?)”.
My boyfriend felt heartbroken. He said that on our first meeting, I said that I’ve never met anyone through Instagram before. To be honest, I don’t recall saying that. But even if I did say that, it’s odd because I have no reason to hide that information. Perhaps I did say no, but I also don’t remember. But my boyfriend felt heartbroken because he thinks I lied.
He also felt heartbroken because the more he asked me questions about what kind of messages I get, who I talk to, what happens etc, the more information he learned about me. And he was upset because I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell him because I thought it was unnecessary information. Why would I tell him about a random person who asked follow for follow? It just doesn’t feel important because it’s so normal in the Korean fitness Instagram community. And I was confident that it was no issue.

1. MY MESSAGES WITH GEORGE Then fourthly, today, we had a conversation about this again and he said that he doesn’t know what to believe because it feels like everything I say doesn’t make sense. And that the information doesn’t align. He said that I was the person he trusted the most, but it feels like I broke that trust. He said that he wanted to see my messages with George, to see that I’m not lying to him. Initially I told him I don’t feel comfortable, because it felt like do I really need to show my messages for him to trust me? But I showed him anyways. He read the messages, and he started crying because I promised George that we could visit Niagara one day, and that I told him the same information about my day as I did to my boyfriend (ex. “I killed a cockroach for the first time today 🥹🥹🥹🥹”).

He also said that the way I talked to George was too friendly and sweet, like a couple. We have said good morning and goodnight sometimes, and our messages are expressive like hehehhehehe hahahaha oooooo wow!!!! Great!!! Amazing~~~! Good luck with your test youll do great!! ☺️😊 That sort of way.
But I talk like that with a lot of people. And again, I have a soft spot for younger folks, especially those who are on their own in a new city. I’ve always been surrounded by very generous people willing to share their time, and accompany them on certain things. But for my boyfriend, he said “why are you so sweet to him? Why are you planning a trip to Niagara with him? You said you message once every two weeks, but you guys message almost everyday. Why would you lie and hide about that?”
I’ll be honest, I miscalculated. As dumb as it might sound, my brain just didn’t think that deeply into it. During my Korea trip (which ended a few days ago) I didn’t reply to George that much. And there are times I don’t message for like a whole week or two. So in my head, I thought it was every few weeks. I genuinely thought that. I wasn’t hiding it at all, but that’s just how I remembered it, because that was how it was most recently. Why would I tell my boyfriend how often I used to message and how it changed and how it is now? It felt like unnecessary information. And it changes every time, so I just gave the most recent most remembered thing. Everything else felt like extra information.
He was very very very heartbroken and it breaks my heart that he’s so hurt because of my actions. People think I’m smart, but I can be totally dumb sometimes. Like truly. My brain just doesn’t process certain things well enough.
I think these series of unfortunate misunderstandings led to him thinking I was being unfaithful. He said that if we broke up, guaranteed I would date George.
No way. At all. Ever. No offence to George, but I truly truly wouldn’t.
Perhaps I could’ve been more communicative and open about people I talk to. But what is the balance of sharing because I can, versus sharing because I feel like I have to? And how much information is too much information? I’m the type to share what I personally think is important. Everything else feels extra. No one was ever curious about these things in my life before, so I always thought other things were unimportant to share.
I also didn’t mean to hide anything at all. My brain is just dumb and doesn’t remember things well. And doesn’t calculate well either.
As well, as much as I enjoy helping people and volunteering / mentoring visa students, this was not such a setting and I shouldn’t have been so friendly with George like that, especially while dating. I acknowledge that and it truly is my mistake. I was shortsighted, and although my intentions were good I didn’t think ahead on how this could affect my relationship. Or how it could cause misunderstandings.
I want to talk to my boyfriend about this, but I also feel like he won’t believe me, or that they’re excuses. Or that, nothing still makes sense. Like “how can you do this / say this without actually knowing?” Or “You say George isn’t important to you and yet you messaged almost daily”. And he was so so heartbroken and cried like someone punctured his heart. I feel really bad, but I also feel like I want to clarify.
I honestly have no excuse. I was just purely dumb. Mind blank, just say what was first in mind. That’s it. I wasn’t trying to hide. And I only see my boyfriend.
I really don’t know what to do to fix this situation.
TLDR: I didn’t share more detailed information to my boyfriend (because I thought they were unimportant) and he believes I hid it on purpose, and that I was being unfaithful.

me (24F) and my bf (24M) had a mutual friend (24M) who we’ve both known since high school. he was closer to my bf (not yet my bf) during high school. one thing to note is they share a subgroup within our circle but they don’t open up to each other about serious stuff, according to both of them.
to avoid confusion, let’s call my bf Jay and my friend Lee. another important note is that Jay and i only got together between our 2nd-3rd year in college.
so back when college started, Jay and Lee stayed in the same uni at our hometown, while i moved to another city. i dormed with 2 friends (both F) from the same circle. for those years, Lee kept contact with me up to the point that he spent some nights in our dorm with our other friends from hometown.
in 2020, due to the pandemic and other traumatic events, i had to move back home. Lee and i became closer, he even taught me how to bake desserts. he always found a way to visit me at home. while at the same time, Jay and i were developing feelings for each other but we were mostly talking only over chat. sometimes Jay would ask Lee if he could come whenever Lee would visit me.
in that same year, i confided to Lee about my feelings for Jay. at first, he was unsupportive of it but over time i guess he just started to join in whenever our other friends teased me and Jay. at some point, Jay told me that he liked me back in high school and that his feelings came rushing back. obviously we eventually got together and since then, there have been countless times that we hung out with our same circle with Lee.
hate to admit that i realized it kind of late but Lee has been quite controlling of me. he comments about how i look, he tells me to put more clothes on, he constantly judges my decisions and is always vocal about it and he often gives me unsolicited advice. one worse one was when he told me that it wasn’t the right time to have Jay and i’s first kiss yet because we “weren’t at that stage of our relationship yet”. (note: we didn’t tell, he SAW but to be fair, all of us were drunk) the WORST one was when Lee suddenly asked out of the blue, who would get our friend group WHEN Jay and i broke up? and he was so serious about it that i got upset and cried.
our other friends chalked it up as “Lee’s just a father figure of a friend, y’know? and he’s a guy so he’s just kinda frank” at first i agreed until one day when Lee and i were hanging out with another friend, they were laughing about how many of our friends in our circle had a crush on me in high school. honestly some of them did pretty crazy stuff. one guy broke up with his gf at that time just so he could ask me out and then got back together with her when i refused. it got to a point that i was telling Lee and this friend that “at least you both weren’t in that list,” implying that i was thankful for them. Lee mumbled something in the likes of, “you can’t be TOO sure about that.”
maybe he thought i didn’t hear but that’s when it all CLICKED. i went home and did some remembering and stalking. on one of the games we play, Lee’s IGN is my name. but after careful reflection mostly fueled by self doubt, i decided not to tell anyone—not even that friend we hung out with that day who was the one who actually didn’t hear.
fast forward to a few months, Jay and i were having relationship troubles as you do. when i started to lose too much weight, i tried opening up to just a few of the girls in our circle. the main problem was: Jay didn’t expect the relationship to have so many lows as we were seniors in college who have different paths, coupled with the fact that he finds it hard to open up to anyone else, and best of all, that he was dorming with people who “jokingly” told him countless times to cheat. i also confided to Lee about the last two. i trusted him because despite his frankness, he always played fair and acted mature.
i trusted that our friends and even Lee understood. so i advised Jay that if he could open up to me, he could open up to anyone in our friend group. he said he’ll try.
one night during a big fight, (AND TO NOTE: just after i was physically abused and chased out of the house by a parent) Jay disappeared to chat with Lee. at first i was kinda relieved that he’s seeking help UNTIL i caught wind that Lee was advising Jay to break up with me. to be fair, Jay and i were also considering to cool off. but i didn’t think it was ALL fair. for one, Jay could’ve told me first. second, Lee could’ve advised to talk in person before making any rash decisions. i admit i got too emotional especially since i was already in a bad place at that time so i sent Lee a message telling him how i found him too controlling and insensitive at times and he usually didn’t help. he replied saying that i was ungrateful.
i told Jay we could break up. i was letting him leave. in the end, he didn’t. he apologized and told me that everything he said was only out of anger. he told me it was hard for him to express his emotions in a healthy way because he was used to repressing them. he said he didn’t mean any of it and apologized over and over. i took him back after a few days of thinking.
Lee never replied to my last message explainining my feelings about his behavior and how he triggered some of my traumas. i held out hope that maybe he’d apologize, considering that he showed the most concern for all the bruises and wounds i just received that same week. i even tried talk to a mutual friend so Lee and i could talk in person but to no avail. many months after, i saw that he’s blocked me.

me (24F) and my bf (24M) had a mutual friend (24M) who we’ve both known since high school. he was closer to my bf (not yet my bf) during high school. one thing to note is they share a subgroup within our circle but they don’t open up to each other about serious stuff, according to both of them.
to avoid confusion, let’s call my bf Jay and my friend Lee. another important note is that Jay and i only got together between our 2nd-3rd year in college.
so back when college started, Jay and Lee stayed in the same uni at our hometown, while i moved to another city. i dormed with 2 friends (both F) from the same circle. for those years, Lee kept contact with me up to the point that he spent some nights in our dorm with our other friends from hometown.
in 2020, due to the pandemic and other traumatic events, i had to move back home. Lee and i became closer, he even taught me how to bake desserts. he always found a way to visit me at home. while at the same time, Jay and i were developing feelings for each other but we were mostly talking only over chat. sometimes Jay would ask Lee if he could come whenever Lee would visit me.
in that same year, i confided to Lee about my feelings for Jay. at first, he was unsupportive of it but over time i guess he just started to join in whenever our other friends teased me and Jay. at some point, Jay told me that he liked me back in high school and that his feelings came rushing back. obviously we eventually got together and since then, there have been countless times that we hung out with our same circle with Lee.
hate to admit that i realized it kind of late but Lee has been quite controlling of me. he comments about how i look, he tells me to put more clothes on, he constantly judges my decisions and is always vocal about it and he often gives me unsolicited advice. one worse one was when he told me that it wasn’t the right time to have Jay and i’s first kiss yet because we “weren’t at that stage of our relationship yet”. (note: we didn’t tell, he SAW but to be fair, all of us were drunk) the WORST one was when Lee suddenly asked out of the blue, who would get our friend group WHEN Jay and i broke up? and he was so serious about it that i got upset and cried.
our other friends chalked it up as “Lee’s just a father figure of a friend, y’know? and he’s a guy so he’s just kinda frank” at first i agreed until one day when Lee and i were hanging out with another friend (24M), they were laughing about how many of our friends in our circle had a crush on me in high school. honestly some of them did pretty crazy stuff. one guy broke up with his gf at that time just so he could ask me out and then got back together with her when i refused. it got to a point that i was telling Lee and this friend that “at least you both weren’t in that list,” implying that i was thankful for them. Lee mumbled something in the likes of, “you can’t be TOO sure about that.”
maybe he thought i didn’t hear but that’s when it all CLICKED. i went home and did some remembering and stalking. on one of the games we play, Lee’s IGN is my name. but after careful reflection mostly fueled by self doubt, i decided not to tell anyone—not even that friend we hung out with that day who was the one who actually didn’t hear.
fast forward to a few months, Jay and i were having relationship troubles as you do. when i started to lose too much weight, i tried opening up to just a few of the girls in our circle. the main problem was: Jay didn’t expect the relationship to have so many lows as we were seniors in college who have different paths, coupled with the fact that he finds it hard to open up to anyone else, and best of all, that he was dorming with people who “jokingly” told him countless times to cheat. i also confided to Lee about the last two. i trusted him because despite his frankness, he always played fair and acted mature.
i trusted that our friends and even Lee understood. so i advised Jay that if he could open up to me, he could open up to anyone in our friend group. he said he’ll try.
one night during a big fight, (AND TO NOTE: just after i was physically abused and chased out of the house by a parent) Jay disappeared to chat with Lee. at first i was kinda relieved that he’s seeking help UNTIL i caught wind that Lee was advising Jay to break up with me. to be fair, Jay and i were also considering to cool off. but i didn’t think it was ALL fair. for one, Jay could’ve told me first. second, Lee could’ve advised to talk in person before making any rash decisions. i admit i got too emotional especially since i was already in a bad place at that time so i sent Lee a message telling him how i found him too controlling and insensitive at times and he usually didn’t help. he replied saying that i was ungrateful.
i told Jay we could break up. i was letting him leave. but in the end, he didn’t. he apologized and told me that everything he said was only out of anger. he told me it was hard for him to express his emotions in a healthy way because he was used to repressing them. he said he didn’t mean any of it and apologized over and over. i took him back after a few days of thinking.
Lee never replied to my last message explainining my feelings about his behavior and how he triggered some of my traumas. i held out hope that maybe he’d apologize, considering that he showed the most concern for all the bruises and wounds i just received that same week. i even tried talk to a mutual friend so Lee and i could talk in person but to no avail. many months after, i saw that he’s blocked me. am i the asshole for deciding to cut him off too?

I 29M and my wife 29F have been married 3 months and together 7 years. Ive always had a werid gut feeling she was either talking to guys or possibly seeing them. But she was my first serious girlfriend and is really pretty so I feel like maybe I ignored some red flags. To start off our relationship 2 weeks before we started dating we were at a party and I found her locked in a room with another guy. We were pretty serious and committed at this point had sex, many dates exclusive atleast in the eyes of our friend group. After a huge fight and me putting her stuff outside her house she admitted they just kissed. They weren't inthe room long and again I was infatuated with her and figured she was being honest. That still bothers me to this day.
During our 7 years together I've never found anything weird pop up on her phone. She dosnt guard it and I know her passwords. However 90% of the time when we would go out drinking she would always flirt with someone or continue looking at them for attention and we'd fight. I get blamed and say nothing happened and that I need to stop being insecure. That happend several times but nothing I could proof.
Recently about 6 months ago before our wedding I started to get suspicious again. I swore she was closing apps quickly as I'd walk in and she said that's just how she uses her phone and even seen her do that other times with no suspicions. I didn't mention anything but kept thinking about it. Then she told me she wants to try modeling for White Fox, I said if that's what you want to do sure try it out. She said they never got back to her. Didn't think that was anything until recently.
We just moved to Florida after got married and I saw an email she sent to a bathing suit company regarding modeling saying it would be a dream of hers to them. This one she didn't tell me about and when I brought it up she just said yes she reached out but then decided not to go threw with it because the bathing suits were to skimpy. I told her if that's what she wants to do please tell me and I'd even help take the pictures lol. This is what lead me to dig deeper and I went through everything on her iPhone. Looked up all the tricks and hidden apps. The only thing I found was maybe 10 selfies that were never set to me and 2 of the really cute ones were when I was out of town. She said she just does that for herself she enjoys pictures and feels confident when I'm not home.
While arguing with her about this I did accuse her of modeling or having hidden social media accounts since I couldn't find anything and she went completely nuts tried to flip the blame on me for my insecurities and treating her like a child. This argument came up the last 5 days and she'd hoover around me until I'd give her some indication I believe her even though I didn't and the next day it repeats.
Yesterday I said what happened at the beginning of our relationship when you were locked in a room with a guy is part of the reason I have lack of trust and she said she didn't even kiss him. I said you told me you kissed him and that was all which is it. Did you or didn't you kiss him lol? She likes idk I feel like I definitely wouldn't have done that and I just told you I did 7 Years ago so you'd stop fighting with me. I asked her multiple times how she dosnt remember that but knows every other detail that night. And again she said she thinks they just kissed. After that I feel like it confirmed everything I've been thinking. If you can't remember or get honest about something from before we were dating she probably won't be honest now either. Besides that it was that way she responded when I accused her of talking to guys or having separate accounts. Yesterday she was slamming doors and broke a picture to peices. I did antagonise her a bit but this was out of character.
I'd really appreciate a 3rd party perspective on this. I don't want to trash a marriage if I really am being paranoid but I have this feeling there's more to it and my intuition rarely steers me wrong. I probably should have waited to confront her but here we are. Lastly her high-school friend group were attention seeking sluts but she seemed like prude shy one but figured I'd mention that.
Thanks for reading. Sorry if something dosnt make sense this is my first post. If be happy to answer questions.
Edit: I wanted to add that she's recently since working at home been watching influcencers that live a lifestyle I want nothing to do with and didn't think she liked either. She watches Alix Earle call her daddy podcast which I heard promotes cheating in some ways, she watches another chick that does OF and another couple that does drugs and travels the country. She was also purchasing ALOT of clothing and bathing suits even in the winter before we moved south which seems odd to me. Probably will see if she's open to counseling to start. Thanks for all the replies!
TLDR- Suspect wife is either talking to guys or posting on a secret social media account without my knowledge. Recently married and still found out she reached out to a swim suit company to model but didn't follow through.

Who are we?: We are a new SMP in our first season focused entirely on building an online community consisting of YouTubers and streamers playing semi-vanilla Minecraft. We are not Hermitcraft, but we are very much inspired by Hermitcraft. We are not, however, concerned with your subscriber count but we are most interested in finding the 'right personality' that would fit into our community and is active while producing family-friendly and (at times) semi narrative-based content in a fun and positive way.
What are we trying to achieve?: We aim to provide a platform on which we can build our individual channels while entertaining our viewers with fun and engaging content. We focus solely on the endless fun and possibilities that Minecraft has to offer in a multiplayer environment. Whether it's building our own bases, collaborative projects, or fun shenanigans, we aspire to take our followers on a journey of positive and family-friendly fun.
How are we doing this?: Together! While there must be an admin, beyond that, it is our goal that we can build this community together through having open and transparent discussions in our meetings and member discord. For that reason we are looking for the right team-oriented people to be a part of our community.
Requirements to join:

• You are over 18yr old.We expect maturity and honesty.
• Must have an active YouTube account
• Must be able to participate in community meetings and be willing to collaboratein game via simple voice chat
• Must be able to produce family-friendly content on a weekly / bi-weekly basis.

A note for you who may feel unsure: We are not professionals, nor do we expect you to be. We are hobbyists and entertainers with goals and ambitions to improve ourselves as content creators. We learn along the way and through this, it gives a unique opportunity for viewers to venture on a journey with our members as we grow and improve. This is a fairly grass roots and authentic community tobe a part of as "the other guys" in the room for Minecraft content.
Server info:
Datapacks
AFK Display : Name goes grey if the player doesn't move for five minutes. Anti Endermen Grief : Stops endermen picking up blocks. Armor Statues : Customize armorstand positions. Customizable Armor Stands : Used to manipulate armor stands for building details. Custom Roleplay Data : Enables the use of custom textures on items. Double Shulker Shells : Shulkers always drop two shells. Multiplayer Sleep : Improves the sleep system. More Mob Heads : All mobs can drop their head on death No Trial Chambers : Enables 1.21 blocks without structures generating. Player Head Drops : If a player kills another, their head will drop on death! Silence Mobs : A feature to stop entities making sounds. Unlock Recipes : Unlock all crafting recipes. Wandering Trades : Adds lots of mini block trades to Wandering Traders.
Mods
Audio Player : Lets players add custom audio files into the world. Cloth Config : Required for other mods. fabric-carpet : Required for other mods. lithium : Performance optimizer. spark : Used to monitor & diagnose performance. status : Allows players to set a streaming or recording status. viewdistancefix : Uncouples server and client view distance. voicechat : Enables proximity voice communication in game.
Communications: We use discord for our community communications, organizing meetings and arranging collaborative projects and events. Anything related to the building and maintaining our community. All other communications are done with simple voice chat in game.

HOW TO APPLY!: To apply, please send me a DM for a link to the application

Note: We will follow up with you on discord for a discussion to determine any next steps. Please be prepared for this.

Questions & Answers When will the season start?: We have started on March 16th, 2024, so we're still in the beginning stages still but it's a good time to join as the season is long and 1.21 is just around the corner. Perfect time to get in still and get acquainted with the other artisans and get a good rhythm of videos going!
What version of Minecraft are you playing with? 1.20.4. We will upgrade to 1.21 when the main datapacks and mods support it
Are client side mods and plugins allowed? : There is a suggested list of client-side quality of life mods that is available on discord. Any mods that make it possible to cheat or give advantage to the player will not be allowed.
Is Dynmap or Bluemap used?: No. We want to enhance the experience of exploration by not having the world available outside of game to see. Client-side mods like Xaeros mini-map and world map can give more relevant views based on what was explored, rather than have everything open for viewing.
Story driven content was mentioned. Is this required?: No. The idea of story or narrative drive content was only mentioned for those that want to follow along a loose path. The idea was only proposed as a potential timeline to follow but can be veered off into different pathways along the way if so desired....or then not at all. Often times, it can be a challenge to come up with ideas to make multiplayer Minecraft fun and some sort of ideas 'can help' in coming up with ideas for videos. However, good, wholesome content can come just from hanging out and doing things together with no specific topic as well. The idea of potentially having some kind of narrative is only intended to help guide, if needed.
What about in game economy? These can wreck servers.: Yes, they can, but they don't have to...if they're discussed about and planned ahead of time, which is what we have been doing. We implemented a method to avoid problems related to shopping. Also, discussions and agreements made on discord make it much easier to avoid the craziness that can come from wild west shop competition.
What about world security?: We will be having backups throughout each day of the world to mitigate any potential damage. We hope to trust our community fully in ensuring mutual respect and honesty in how we play. As this is an SMP for making videos and streams by content creators, we want to ensure we have the best possible environment of honest people so that we can maximize the output on farms, without negatively affecting mob spawn rates coming from security plug-ins and mods.
Is the world seed known to the community?: No. This is season 1 and we are concentrating this season on establishing ourselves as a group and building a core group of friends and content creators. We won't rule this out for future seasons but for the integrity of season 1, our focus will be on foundations and enjoying the beauty of the wonder of exploration in Minecraft.
Is there a limited world border?: Yes, we have an starting world border for two reasons. 1. It encourages interaction with the other artisans and most importantly, 2) It allows us to expand the borders once the new 1.21 release is out, allowing us to enjoy all the new content that it brings beyond the borders.
How long will the season be? Ideally, we are aiming for approximately one year for a minimum season duration. However, we will be addressing this in our internal meetings to gauge where people are at with that idea, before and especially during the season, depending how it progresses.
Why are you doing a seasonal approach and resetting rather than keeping the map going? : We believe that as content creators, there is always something special about starting something new. Fresh seasons offer opportunities to implement new ideas with a new map and possibly new features in the game at that time. Seasons allow us to think in terms of projects where there is a definitive start and ending. This motivates us to continue our builds' completion to be ready in time for the next season. That gives us time to make the map available for download for our viewers, while addressing potential new recruitment of players. Seasons just work for this type of approach and while we respect those that continue with the same map, we won't be.
What if I can't keep up regularly with the weekly or bi-weekly schedule? : Since this is not (yet) a job for us, it's understandable that real life can cause delays for videos and streams. This needs flexibility. However, as this is an SMP focused on creating content for videos and streams, having the schedule stretch too far and too often with too many people will simply turn this into a regular Minecraft SMP, which is not the goal of this community. We create videos and streams and our aim is to be as regular as we can with providing them.
Can I join even though I don't make videos or stream? I mean, I even know a few people on there. Can I join?: This is extremely unlikely as the point of this server community is to make fun, engaging, and entertaining content for people to enjoy. There may be, however, in the future opportunities for random events where some outsiders can join in and play. Perhaps with other content creators as well. These are not yet planned and there's no timeline for this yet, but the idea could be fun.
If you should have any questions or need for clarification, just send me a PM.

Eto na nga. Today he finally took his clothes sa bahay na inuupahan namin. And the reason is...
Pinag dabugan ko sya at dahil dun hndi nya ako hinatid sa work na 2hr travel, last minute nya sinabi na hndi nya ako ihahatid so nalate ako at naulanan at pagod. Sobrang frustrated ko sa pagod at inis nag chat ako sakanya na maghiwalay na.
Context sa 15 yr relationship namin: ~ may 3 kids kami. ~ 4 years na kaming naka bukod, nakapag pundar na ng mga appliances ~ Madaming utang 🥲 ~ May cheating history sya last year na nagdulot sakin ng panoc attacks at depression. ~ this year nagpa badtised kami togther sa born again christian church. Birthday nya that time at nag propose sya sa harap ng mga church people at mga anak namin.
I feel mali na sa sobrang babaw ng dahilan lang kami matatapos pero deep inside parang nag hahanap nalang ako ng reason at eto na ung pagkakataon ko to end things. Hndi talaga ako naging masaya after his cheating kahit na pinatawad ko sya immediately after finding out. Its only been a year and dahil nag propose na sya akala ko healed na ko. Pero hindi. Parang pinaplastik ko nalang sarili ko. Nung araw na nag propose sya, hndi ako ganon kaesctatic. Hirap na hirap ako ipakita na masaya talaga ako. Hindi ko din magawang iflex sa social media for the same reason na alam kong mangyayari din to eventually, ang hiwalayan.
What I fear the most talaga ay ang mag simula ulit ng mag isa sa tatlong anak. Hands on tatay sya at lahat ng anak ko makatatay kasi hndi sya pabayang ama. Yun din dahilan kaya hndi ko sya maiwan iwan nong nag cheat sya.
Gusto ko na mag simula ulit sa sarili ko pero natatakot ako mag simula sa umpisa ng mag isa. Yung tatlong anak ko, mga utang namin, yung trabaho namin na alam lahat ng mag asawa kami, yung mga bayarin na pnag kakasya ko lang sa pinag sama naming sahod.
Ang hirap 🥲

All my life, I’ve had really vivid dreams. I dream every night. I have sleep paralysis some nights as well and have lucid dreamed. I can feel pain in my dreams. There are multiple locations, characters, and a huge overlying plot. If I wake up, I return back to the dream. They are almost always about a dystopian/post-apocalyptic society.. or I’m in some sort of school/training (to save the world lol). They have involved aliens, vampires, zombies, robots, bug-mutant creatures, FO4 Super mutants, blockbuster villains + henchman, Jason Vorhees, pirates, skeletons, etc as my enemies. The people in them are more like a cast but it can include celebrities, my parents, my man, my child, random ppl I created… sometimes there’s an underlying romance plot, sometimes a cheating plot, sometimes it’s about getting back to my family/reuniting everyone.
I’ve always been blown away by the sheer detail of my dreams. The scenery and locations are large and filled. Sometimes there’s even “background” people. There’s roads, cars, intricate layouts. We’re talking building architecture interior and exterior. Furniture, hallways, props. (One time I had found a red beetle-like car and drove it into a zombie-filled city but stopped at an abandoned restaurant on the way there to rescue some people… we got overrun… I was terrified and we ran into the kitchen. The back door was stuck and we just waited for the zombies to get us. Genuinely such an anxious, dreadful feeling. I felt one bite before waking up.) if there’s weapons, they are detailed. I got shot once in a shootout while sticking my hand out the windows it hurt. Clothes are even detailed.
I just think it’s so crazy my mind can make this shit up. I’m also a huge movie buff and love sci-fi and also very stressed lol