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Yankees (28-15) @ Twins (24-17)

First Pitch: 7:40 PM at Target Field

Team	Starter	TV	Radio
Yankees	Marcus Stroman (2-2, 3.80 ERA)	AmazonPV	WFAN, WADO (ES)
Twins	Pablo López (4-2, 3.89 ERA)	BSNO	TIBN

MLB	Fangraphs	Reddit Stream	IRC Chat
Gameday	Game Graph	Live Comments	Libera: ##baseball

Line Score - First and second, 2 Outs, Top of the 2nd

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E	LOB
NYY	1	1								2	5	0	1
MIN	0									0	0	0	-

Box Score

MIN		AB	R	H	RBI	BB	SO	BA
2B	Julien	1	0	0	0	0	0	.227
DH	Larnach	1	0	0	0	0	0	.323
C	Jeffers	1	0	0	0	0	0	.288
RF	Kepler	0	0	0	0	0	0	.321
SS	Correa	0	0	0	0	0	0	.274
CF	Castro, W	0	0	0	0	0	0	.271
1B	Santana	0	0	0	0	0	0	.213
LF	Kirilloff	0	0	0	0	0	0	.211
3B	Miranda	0	0	0	0	0	0	.267

MIN	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	P-S	ERA
López, P	1.2	5	2	2	0	1	31-25	4.14

NYY		AB	R	H	RBI	BB	SO	BA
SS	Volpe	1	0	0	1	0	0	.268
RF	Soto, J	1	0	0	0	0	1	.311
CF	Judge	1	1	1	1	0	0	.241
LF	Verdugo	1	0	1	0	0	0	.248
DH	Stanton	1	0	0	0	0	0	.234
1B	Rizzo	1	0	0	0	0	0	.261
2B	Torres	1	1	1	0	0	0	.219
C	Trevino	1	0	1	0	0	0	.303
3B	Cabrera, O	1	0	1	0	0	0	.268

NYY	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	P-S	ERA
Stroman	1.0	0	0	0	0	0	9-7	3.71

Scoring Plays

Inning	Event	Score
T1	Aaron Judge homers (11) on a fly ball to left field.	0-1
T2	Anthony Volpe out on a sacrifice fly to center fielder Willi Castro. Gleyber Torres scores.	0-2

Highlights

Description	Length
Pablo López against the Yankees	0:07
Marcus Stroman against the Twins	0:07
Bullpen availability for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees	0:07
Bullpen availability for New York, May 15 vs Twins	0:07
Bench availability for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees	0:07
Fielding alignment for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees	0:11
Bench availability for New York, May 15 vs Twins	0:07
Fielding alignment for New York, May 15 vs Twins	0:11
Starting lineups for Yankees at Twins - May 15, 2024	0:09
Aaron Judge: Home Run Statcast Analysis	0:13
A deep dive into Aaron Judge's home run	0:11
Aaron Judge's solo home run (11)	0:31

Attendance	Weather	Wind
	71°F, Cloudy	11 mph, R To L

HP	1B	2B	3B
Jansen Visconti	Paul Clemons	Andy Fletcher	Mike Muchlinski

Updated at 8:00 PM.
Remember to sort by new to keep up!

Yankees (28-15) @ Twins (24-17)

First Pitch: 6:40 PM at Target Field

Team	Starter	TV	Radio
Yankees	Marcus Stroman (2-2, 3.80 ERA)	AmazonPV	WFAN, WADO (ES)
Twins	Pablo López (4-2, 3.89 ERA)	BSNO	TIBN

MLB	Fangraphs	Baseball Savant	Reddit Stream	IRC Chat
Gameday	Game Graph	Strikezone Map	Live Comments	Libera: ##baseball

Line Score - First and second, 2 Outs, Top of the 2nd

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E	LOB
NYY	1	1								2	5	0	1
MIN	0									0	0	0	-

Box Score

MIN		AB	R	H	RBI	BB	SO	BA
2B	Julien	1	0	0	0	0	0	.227
DH	Larnach	1	0	0	0	0	0	.323
C	Jeffers	1	0	0	0	0	0	.288
RF	Kepler	0	0	0	0	0	0	.321
SS	Correa	0	0	0	0	0	0	.274
CF	Castro, W	0	0	0	0	0	0	.271
1B	Santana	0	0	0	0	0	0	.213
LF	Kirilloff	0	0	0	0	0	0	.211
3B	Miranda	0	0	0	0	0	0	.267

MIN	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	P-S	ERA
López, P	1.2	5	2	2	0	1	31-25	4.14

NYY		AB	R	H	RBI	BB	SO	BA
SS	Volpe	1	0	0	1	0	0	.268
RF	Soto, J	1	0	0	0	0	1	.311
CF	Judge	1	1	1	1	0	0	.241
LF	Verdugo	1	0	1	0	0	0	.248
DH	Stanton	1	0	0	0	0	0	.234
1B	Rizzo	1	0	0	0	0	0	.261
2B	Torres	1	1	1	0	0	0	.219
C	Trevino	1	0	1	0	0	0	.303
3B	Cabrera, O	1	0	1	0	0	0	.268

NYY	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	P-S	ERA
Stroman	1.0	0	0	0	0	0	9-7	3.71

Scoring Plays

Inning	Event	Score
T1	Aaron Judge homers (11) on a fly ball to left field.	0-1
T2	Anthony Volpe out on a sacrifice fly to center fielder Willi Castro. Gleyber Torres scores.	0-2

Highlights

Description	Length
Pablo López against the Yankees	0:07
Marcus Stroman against the Twins	0:07
Bullpen availability for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees	0:07
Bullpen availability for New York, May 15 vs Twins	0:07
Bench availability for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees	0:07
Fielding alignment for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees	0:11
Bench availability for New York, May 15 vs Twins	0:07
Fielding alignment for New York, May 15 vs Twins	0:11
Starting lineups for Yankees at Twins - May 15, 2024	0:09
Aaron Judge: Home Run Statcast Analysis	0:13
A deep dive into Aaron Judge's home run	0:11
Aaron Judge's solo home run (11)	0:31

Updated at 7:02 PM.
Remember to sort by new to keep up!

Yankees @ Twins - Wed, May 15

Game Status: In Progress - Score: 2-0 Yankees

Middle of the 2nd with Max Kepler, Carlos Correa, and Willi Castro due up for the Twins

Links & Info

• Current conditions at Target Field: 71°F - Cloudy - Wind 11 mph, R To L
• TV: Yankees: Amazon Prime Video, Twins: Bally Sports North
• Radio: Yankees: WADO 1280 (es), WFAN 660/101.9 FM, Twins: Audacy, The Wolf 102.9 FM, WCCO 830, TIBN
• MLB Gameday
• Game Graphs
• Savant Gamefeed

	Yankees Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Volpe - SS	1	0	0	1	0	0	0	.268	.347	.417
2	Soto, J - RF	2	0	0	0	0	1	2	.309	.409	.527
3	Judge - CF	1	1	1	1	0	0	0	.241	.373	.513
4	Verdugo - LF	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.248	.335	.411
5	Stanton - DH	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	.234	.285	.468
6	Rizzo - 1B	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	.261	.331	.422
7	Torres - 2B	1	1	1	0	0	0	0	.219	.296	.281
8	Trevino - C	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.303	.349	.461
9	Cabrera, O - 3B	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	.268	.307	.402
	Totals	10	2	5	2	0	1	3

Yankees
BATTING: 2B: Verdugo (8, López, P). HR: Judge (11, 1st inning off López, P, 0 on, 2 out). TB: Cabrera, O; Judge 4; Torres; Trevino; Verdugo 2. RBI: Judge (28); Volpe (22). 2-out RBI: Judge. Runners left in scoring position, 2 out: Stanton; Soto, J. SF: Volpe. Team RISP: 1-for-3. Team LOB: 3.

	Twins Batters	AB	R	H	RBI	BB	K	LOB	AVG	OBP	SLG
1	Julien - 2B	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	.227	.340	.430
2	Larnach - DH	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	.323	.366	.492
3	Jeffers - C	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	.288	.366	.624
4	Kepler - RF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.321	.376	.536
5	Correa - SS	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.274	.374	.417
6	Castro, W - CF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.271	.331	.450
7	Santana - 1B	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.213	.287	.404
8	Kirilloff - LF	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.211	.267	.376
9	Miranda - 3B	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.267	.308	.419
	Totals	3	0	0	0	0	0	0

Yankees Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
Stroman	1.0	0	0	0	0	0	0	9-7	3.71
Totals	1.0	0	0	0	0	0	0

Twins Pitchers	IP	H	R	ER	BB	K	HR	P-S	ERA
López, P	2.0	5	2	2	0	1	1	33-27	4.11
Totals	2.0	5	2	2	0	1	1

Inning	Scoring Play	Score
Top 1	Aaron Judge homers (11) on a fly ball to left field.	1-0 NYY
Top 2	Anthony Volpe out on a sacrifice fly to center fielder Willi Castro. Gleyber Torres scores.	2-0 NYY

Team	Highlight
MIN	Bullpen availability for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees (00:00:07)
NYY	Bullpen availability for New York, May 15 vs Twins (00:00:07)
	Bench availability for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees (00:00:07)
MIN	Fielding alignment for Minnesota, May 15 vs Yankees (00:00:11)
	Bench availability for New York, May 15 vs Twins (00:00:07)
NYY	Fielding alignment for New York, May 15 vs Twins (00:00:11)
MIN	Starting lineups for Yankees at Twins - May 15, 2024 (00:00:09)
NYY	A deep dive into Aaron Judge's home run (00:00:11)
NYY	Aaron Judge's solo home run (11) (00:00:31)

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E	LOB
Yankees	1	1									2	5	0	3
Twins	0										0	0	0	0

Division Scoreboard

TOR 2 @ BAL 3 - Final
TB 0 @ BOS 1 - Top 4, 1 Out
^{Last Updated: 05/15/2024 08:03:11 PM EDT}

View Poll

I DID IT! I GOT HRT!
After years of not knowing whether I could due to my congenital heart defects, I got prescribed Estradiol patches! And lemme tell ya, the results so far have been fucking incredible!!!
It’s legit only been fifteen days, so nothing super major physically is happening outside of my booty jiggling a lil more than I’m used to (fuck yeah!), and maybe I’m tweaking a bit but my chest just kinda feels more pronounced. But the better part is how I’m doing mentally, like holy shit. Granted, I restarted taking my anti-depressant about a week before Estradiol, but this is so much more than simply not hating myself.
I’ve been able to look in the mirror and see why others have called me pretty for years when I still believed myself to be dogwater. I’ve had the confidence to compliment people in public. I’ve been in my apartment for three years, and I just put fairy lights up on my ceiling, hung a mirror, and finally started breaking down the boxes strewn about and putting stuff away in storage (under my bed lol). Heck, I’ve started using LOL in my texting, I never used to do that when I was younger! I’m planning and getting invited to girls night excursions with my girlie friends, I’m getting hit on by my single guy friends (I’m pretty gay but I like being appreciated at least), even just the energy I carry around with me now has gotten fewer people to clock me out loud in public!
Granted, it’s not all sunshine and daises yet, there’s still some dysphoria to be battled in the years to come. I’m hoping my job gives me a raise so I can afford some laser appointments in the summefall, and even though my parents are accepting of me, I still have yet to tell them I’ve started HRT, so any advice on that would be much appreciated 😅 But for now, the start of this journey has filled me with so much confidence in what I can achieve. The only reason I’m not crying while typing this is because I’m not on a T-blocker yet 😂
I hope you all have a wonderful day, week, weekend, month, year, life, history, herstory, all of it!!! And for all the folks out there wondering or waiting to get on hormones, I sincerely hope you can, this stuff is the like the nectar of the gods OMJizzle!!!

https://archive.is/kfMhG
While there are no contested races in Monday’s town election, voters will weigh in on a ballot question authorizing a Proposition 2½ debt exclusion to fund the purchase of a new fire engine.
Polls will be open at Town Hall from noon to 8 p.m.
The ballot question comes following a May 6 Annual Town Meeting in which residents authorized the transfer of $200,000 from the stabilization fund and the borrowing of $480,000 to purchase a new fire engine.
Approval is needed at both Town Meeting and the ballot box. Fire Chief Joe Larson previously explained the new fire engine will replace one that is 35 years old.
The following candidates are on the ballot:
■Selectboard, three-year term — Alan Genovese, incumbent.
■Assessor, three-year term — Keith Ross, incumbent.
■Board of Health, three-year term — Ann Kendall, incumbent.
■Constable, three-year term — Bruce Kilhart, incumbent.
■Library trustee, two-year term — Jesse Lopes.
■Library trustees, two seats with three-year terms — Andrea Woods and Cheri Robartes, incumbents.
■Moderator, one-year — Jim McRae, incumbent.
■Tree warden, three-year term — Sharon Matthews, incumbent.
■Transfer Station commissioner, three-year term — Mike Mankowsky, incumbent.
■Highway commissioner, three-year term — Vern Bass, incumbent.
■Cemetery commissioner, two-year term — Coco King.
■School Committee member, one-year term — Janice Starmer, incumbent.
■School Committee member, two-year term — Miranda Kingfisher, incumbent.
■School Committee member, three-year term — Alan Genovese, incumbent.

In case you missed it, here are my reactions to the previous episodes:
https://www.reddit.com/umineko/s/W3975jzCUM (Episode 1)
https://www.reddit.com/umineko/s/KNSuiUpGTD (Episode 2)
https://www.reddit.com/umineko/s/YD15EZQjJH (Episode 3)
https://www.reddit.com/umineko/s/nVsP81nhAx (Episode 4)
https://www.reddit.com/umineko/s/z5X7WIJbFW (Episode 5)
https://www.reddit.com/umineko/s/rb1AMenQtv (Episode 6)
Impeccable Intuition: Holy shit!!! I have learned something new about myself: I should trust myself. However, I shouldn’t trust my mind, only my heart. My logic told me Battler was the culprit, but my intuition signaled out Shannon, Rudolf, Kyrie, and especially Rudolf as being the most suspicious. The Shannon theory was supplemented by logic, but it still came mostly from intuition. I was onto Rudolf and Kyrie ever since episode fucking one!!! And I was especially onto them during episode two.
Note: All this is based on whether the truth Bernkastel showed us is legitimate or not.
I just knew that there was something fucked up about Rudolf (and Kyrie). Something felt off about this from the very beginning. Now, of course, this might end up not being actually legitimate, but leave me alone right now, I’m currently dancing on cloud nine. I’ve gotta shout it to the sky: I’m not crazy! Maybe a little bit with my Battler theories, but my heart was in the right place.
Godddd, I feel so unbelievably validated right now. Y’all really kept your mouths zipped tightly shut every time I mentioned them, didn’t you? Kudos, most communities would’ve spoiled that kind of twist. I’m honestly feeling incredibly appreciative of this wonderful community right now. Y’all are awesome. Thanks for letting me experience things and not letting the urge to reveal things win over.
Return of the Bestcest: Ahahahahaha. On that note, y’all also suck! One of the things I had heard coming into the series was that there was some sort of incest plotline. But y’all really told me, “Oh? Where’d you hear that?” There’s a term for this: gaslighting. Y’all gaslit me into thinking that I had heard wrong. Evil little buggers, that’s what y’all are. XD.
But Goddamn! There was a lot of incest in this episode. Freaking Kinzo with his own daughter, creating Beatrice (Shannon/Kanon) who then gets with Battler (and George + Jessica). Yeesh. I had been expecting it coming in, but I hadn’t imagined there would be quite that much incest. If Battler and Beatrice/Shannon had a child together, I’m pretty sure its inbreeding coefficient would be 28%, that’s more than the famous Habsburgs who were at only 25%. They’d still lose to the Ptolemies, though; the infamous Cleopatra VII could have had an inbreeding coefficient as high as 45%. And that’s not even the extent of it, Cleopatra was married to her sibling/s, if they had had children together, the resulting child would have had an inbreeding coefficient of about 90%.
And it’s not only incest, it’s incest with his relative who is herself a child of incest. And not only that, but it’s essentially a coterie of cousins trying to figure out which one of them can bang their cousin-aunt the fastest. Are we sure I didn’t get lost and accidentally end up on the crusader kings subreddit?
Smidgen of Beatrice/Metaverse: This is one thing that has really been hurting the story in my opinion. There’s so little Beatrice in it, particularly Beatrice and Battler interacting with one another. I’m still not sure what the relationship of the reborn Beatrice is to the old Beatrice. Did she inherit her memories? If she did, it was never explicit, which is unfortunate, because I would have liked to see it.
Beyond that... c’mon, what’s with her funeral? All that kinda came out of left field. Is this a separate Beatrice, created by Bernkastel to show Featherine the answers. Does that mean that the Battler who appears in this episode is also a piece created by Bernkastel?
Additionally, all of this begs the question: what exactly is the nature of the metaverse? Is it something that has actuality? Or is it something that only exists within the mind (Ange and Featherine’s?), or is the story going to leave this vague and undefined to hone in its thematic messages?
Regardless, the point is that I desire more Beatrice and Battler interactions. I hope that this funeral of hers isn’t the last we see of her. Battler and Beatrice were wed, but I still feel like something’s missing, it hasn’t yet come full circle, not until it is explained what drove Beatrice to the extremity of her cruelty in the first few episodes. That wasn’t simply a hurting heart, it was sadism.
Lion Ushiromiya: So, if I’m understanding it correctly, this is what Shannon/Kanon/Beatrice could have been had Natsuhi not yeeted her off the cliff. Also, does this mean Jessica is lesbian? Lmao. Unless my Kanon = Shannon theory is wrong, that is, then ignore all of this. I’m pretty sure that this is the correct conclusion, though. This comment is my justification of it: https://www.reddit.com/umineko/comments/1co28vs/comment/l3bu6ho/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Additionally, it is hella suspicious that when Willard tells Shannon to fetch Kanon so they can talk about it together, Shannon says quite forcefully that she is unable to do so. And the fact that Beatrice told Shannon she would create a friend for her using magic, which is usually key in her language for “I’m about to make some shit up.”
It’s an interesting character, the booty pinching is a nice touch. I don’t have much to say on this subject, it’ll be interesting to see where the character goes in the final episode. Hopefully she (he doesn’t feel right) makes things come full circle in relation to the culprit.
Beatrice Castiglioni: The backstory of Kinzo and the true predecessor Beatrice was fascinating. It certainly makes everything fit together, although it is an outlandish tale that no one would have ever been able to guess. I also guessed that the Beatrice that Rosa met was the daughter of the original Beatrice, but I never imagined that she was Kinzo’s daughter, and I certainly never guessed that Kinzo would force himself upon her in the name of banal batshit love. Or that the Beatrice that Maria meets with was both Kinzo’s daughter and granddaughter.
Clair Vaux Bernardus: I am currently working on the assumption that Claire is simply the veiled version of the culprit, Shannon. Meaning that Yasu = Sayo = Shannon = Beatrice = Kanon = Baby Battler. Hence the title she refers to herself with, “one, yet many.” Or, in layman's terms: batshit crazy. She definitely has dissociative identity disorder. I guessed Shannon may have been the culprit in my previous post, but I think the moment it really nailed home is when I realized that Shannon couldn’t be Yasu’s senior servant. She would’ve been far too old.
Besotted Beatrice: Shannon’s story really is depressing, though. I’m sure most of us have felt the pangs of love. Many of us have probably felt it even worse than Shannon, so we should be able to empathize with what she went through. That all being said, it is not Battler’s fault by any stretch of the imagination. They were kids, it was stupid of him to make a promise like that, but such is life, kids are stupid. What is even more ridiculous, though, is holding onto a spur of the moment childhood promise even after growing up. And no matter how much it might hurt to find out that the one you love doesn’t even remember, it doesn’t justify murder, nor does it wipe away the deserving contempt in the face of such an act.
Next Episode?: I’ve been saying this for a few episodes now, but I do really want to see a big magical showdown happen between Battler’s team and the Bernkastel/Lambdadelta’s team. I was also cheering for Battler to come and rescue Lion and Willard when Bernkastel attacked them. I’m still holding out hope for them to get Gamemaster Battler involved. I trust Battler to sort things out, he hasn’t let me down yet. Long live Meta Battler.
Also, sidenote, but I noticed that in the version of the story that Lion and Ange were shown together, they showed the death of every character except for Battler and Eva. That means that Battler might very well have survived the Rokkenjima massacre in the “real” version of events, assuming that we can trust that classification given by Bernkastel. Which I am going to assume for simplicity’s sake.
Also, what happened to Ange? She got shredded again. Is she dead? Is she dead in the “real world”? Or alive? Or what? It’ll be interesting to see. Regardless, now I’m just happy I can now say without reserve: FUCK DOLFMAN. I’m a simple man, this is all I need to be happy, the knowledge that Rudolf was, in fact, a piece of shit just like my intuition was telling me since episode one. I’ve still got it.

Little backstory literally the day after Mother’s Day I accidentally stumbled upon my husband looking at OnlyFan models try on haul videos. I use his computer to stream on twitch and wanted to play music but forgot that it was his YouTube logged in. Our sex life is good but not spontaneous like it use to. He even joked saying that I should cosplay and in which I replied okay then pick out what you want me to wear? Out of all the content he watches I’m surprised he hasn’t. Should I:
A) Just talk to him about it? I don’t mind porn hub or nude mods but OnlyFans seems like it can get too personal in my opinion.
B) Start looking at male OnlyFans models because fuck double standards and see if he catches on?
C) create an OnlyFans myself! 🤣
D) be a huge slutty tease but no touch. I’m talking wearing booty short while cleaning and tits out while cooking!
He’s totally against onlyfan models which I find ironic because he has no problem watching them. I did see he created an account but no activity or subscriptions. I haven’t dug that deep to see if he’s made any transactions. Seems to me he’s just being a typical guy and was just browsing. He recently was checking out those ai girlfriends as well. I’m just like hello I’m right here!

I come back to dash and top dasher is gone lol. It’s on a daily tip. No more top dasher for the month it’s straight booty meat . The silver and platinum status bs is crazy. How are you guys holding up with that change of having to keep over 70% indefinitely in order to dash now or early schedule as opposed to staying up until they post the new hrs for the next day.

I have a TCG card that can give me in game loot. Can I still redeem this in Booty Bay on Sargeas realm?
Sorry it’s been awhile and just returning!

Curious to see what names you associate with certain personality types based off your personal experiences!
For me:
I’ve never met someone named Steven who wasn’t a genuinely nice person.
I’ve never met an Emma who wasn’t hardworking and organized (also every Emma I know wears glasses)
I’ve never met a Madison who wasn’t a legitimate mean girl with an intense superiority complex.
Every Brooke I’ve ever met has been a brunette with a very put together sense of style.
I’ve never met an Autumn who wasn’t tattooed and into alternative music/movies/books.
I’ve never met a Melissa who wasn’t a mid 40’s woman screaming at a service worker. ESPECIALLY if they go by Missy.
I’ve never met a Josh who wasn’t incredibly selfish and inconsiderate of others.
I’ve never met a Matthew or Matt who wasn’t friendly with a witty sense of humor.
And finally…I’ve never met a Nick who wasn’t a huge player in high school.
EDITED TO ADD:
HANNAH- every Hannah I know is a babe. They aren’t just pretty, they’re hot. They know the most flattering haircut for their face, always in the gym and have killer abs and big booties, great fashion sense. Never met a Hannah that didn’t make me question my sexuality
CHLOE- outdoorsy, 4H girl, religious but parties behind closed doors.
AMELIA- Tall, always has longer hair, great eyebrows
KELSEY- The chill girl. Kelsey is not involved in drama and she wants everyone to have a good time.
DYLLAN NO MATTER HOW YOU SPELL IT- rich white boy, judges everyone, looks way younger than they are and not in a good way

I’m so exhausted. My husband and I just hosted both our mothers for a full week and I’m about ready to crumble. Having my mom here was lovely but my MIL is almost intolerable. I just need to list out the insanity because it feels like it’s swirling in my head.

• We all went on a hike on Saturday to a pretty busy and family friendly trail. She - out of absolutely fucking nowhere - put her hands on her thighs, starting twerking, and yelling “slap that booty”. There were several small children behind her.
  
• She has the mouth of a sailor. I say that as a person a swears quite a bit. But she will curse LOUDLY and viciously without any consideration for where we are, who is nearby, or if it’s at all appropriate in that moment.
  
• She drank an entire 750ml bottle of espresso martini to herself and I had to help her to bed because she was so fucked up.
  
• The first night she met my mom, she was telling a story about how her ex (my husband’s father) had moved on with a new woman and how much she hated her. She went on a tirade about how she’s better than her, that the new woman is after his money, and how they deserve each other because he was controlling and terrible anyway. All of this was IN FRONT of my husband. He looked so sad to hear his mom say such terrible things about his father.
  
• We went to a Spanish tapas spot and she yelled about how she didn’t know anything on the menu and she’s not “fancy” like we are (???). She told our waiter “I usually go to Applebees or hooters because I like the big boobies”.
  

I don’t know dude. I’m tired of even listing her antics out. She has no shame whatsoever and the most severe Main Character Syndrome I’ve ever seen. There were ZERO moments of silence and peace in the week she was here because she had to fill every void with some inappropriate bullshit. I’m distraught that I need to go back to work today after taking so much PTO and I don’t feel an ounce of relaxation.
Thanks for listening, peeps.

Welcome back to a little more MARRIED Mary Mania before I wrap things up with The Abridged Goblinization. I decided that this bit deserved its own chapter. Some of you seem to be entertained by Mary (or at least entertained by your own loathing of her), so I hope this will prove amusing. In my life, I've encountered an inordinate number of low-key lolcows (probably because I was far too patient and far too passive for far too long), so I might as well throw just enough distortion on the page to protect the good guys and the genuinely reformed beards. But I'm also gonna shine a bright, unflattering spotlight on the lolcows, creeps, weirdos, pervs, and BEARDS, both neck and leg.
And I'll very, very cautiously tiptoe over the bit where I do a bunch of mental gymnastics, squint my eyes, tilt my head, and convince myself that dating Whisky might be a welcome change of pace. I have no delusions when I look back on it. This was a dumb move in retrospect, but all the mental gymnastics in the world can't bring me to a reasonable scenario where I was psychic and thus able to predict what he'd become once he stopped pretending to be a gentleman. Nor can the most elite, Olympic-level mental gymnastics execute a double salto layout with a half-twist perfectly enough to force me to concede the "logical point" that I should have spotted warning signs that I'd never freakin' seen before. Okay, that's enough saltiness for today. Don't worry. This chapter mostly focuses on Mary's mania. Whisky's just kind of... there.
So there I was... dating a guy who called when he said he would, remained constant in his affections, never asked for weird stuff in the sack (in fact, we weren't even intimate at that point), and claimed to be a secular humanist who practiced elements of Hinduism (as opposed to conveniently becoming born-again whenever it suited his needs to wallow in shame). And we seemed to have similar enough tastes in media, which made for pleasant movie nights and enjoyable conversations about nerdy stuff. It felt like a step up. It felt safe. At that point in time, I was content.
But here's a shameful admission for ya. My original intention was to make Whisky the "for now guy." I knew I could do better. I was formally educated, I was in shape, I was normatively attractive, and I tended to be successful in both my theatrical and academic endeavors. Plus, I was super friendly and good with people. Whisky was kind of a bump on a log. Sure, he seemed nice. He was sometimes able to make interesting conversation. But my overall sentiment regarding the relationship was, to quote Whisky's favorite catch phrase, "Meh."
I knew he was mooching off his mysterious "big bro," and he wasn't doing this with the intention of saving up and eventually becoming self-sufficient. He just kicked up a fuss whenever he wanted something, and... it usually appeared. I still thought he was physically unattractive, too. I hate nasty-ass beards, I have a strong preference for shorter guys (they don't need to be as short as Dennis, but I don't exactly love being towered over), and Whisky had whatever the dude version of resting bitch face is. I admonished myself for being shallow and decided to soldier on. Date after date. And I did kind of get used to all the shallow things I objected to.
But, really... Dating Whisky at all was a dick move on my part. Then again, how many Nice Guy (TM)s want girls to do exactly what I did? Not attracted? Think he's kind of a bum? Find him a bit boring? Just give him a chance!!! Go on a crap-ton of dates with him until you like the familiarity enough to settle for him. That's the key to a healthy relationship!!! It never works. You could flip this around and apply it to Nice Girls who want pity dates, too.
Anyway. Lucy knew I was dating Whisky, and she thought it was great. She was honestly just happy to see that I was no longer pining over Dennis and that Whisky was no longer getting relentlessly stalked by Mary. Speaking of Mary... She'd had an imaginary dramatic breakup with Scumbanger not long after she crashed Lucy's brunch. Murky aside... The following summer, I'd do another show with the pervy pest and I'd find out that Mary had given the former Rum Tum Tugger a tug in the parking lot of The Imp and had let him motorboat her. When dozens of lewd messaged filled his inbox the following day, the most indiscriminate playboy I'd ever met in my freakin' life blocked that clingy legbeard's number and never had any further contact with her. But seeing as neither of them are especially reliable sources, my best guess is that the truth is somewhere in between.
After the dramatic "breakup" with Scumbanger, Mary immediately became obsessed with the new tech guy (and his wife). They allegedly had something of a throuple situation going on, but no one ever witnessed any hard evidence of this. And then Mary and Tech Guy's wife allegedly had a catfight in the middle of the fancy restaurant where the three spent their date nights. Mary did have a shiner and a scraped knee for a few weeks, and she intimated to me that Chuckie was actually the one responsible for her looking a little rough...
I believed her because there was something very different about her demeanor when she told me this. When she was in larger groups, she just screeched about how she thought the catfight was foreplay until Tech Guy ghosted her. Yet again, we'll never know the truth. But I err on the side of belief when someone tells me that DV is going on in their home, even if I generally regard that person as a delusional pathological liar. Plus, Mary had never badmouthed Chuckie before and she never made excuses for her philandering. She just felt entitled to any ding-dong she desired. Bottom line, I think there was an unfortunate incident, and I urged her to report it. She didn't; but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.
And, yes. I think we're allowed to show compassion for Mary if Chuckie did indeed do what she was accusing him of. She absolutely deserved to get dumped in a spectacular fashion. No one deserves violence, though. But I think we're also allowed to laugh at Mary when she's acting like a crank-crazed maniac.
Moving on to lighter topics! Mary claimed to be having a hot, steamy affair with the artistic director of The Imp. At first, this seemed outlandish. But he had been the one to hire her. And he repeatedly refused to replace her when she consistently failed to learned her lines, ran around naked, and contributed little more than mukbangs to the comedy (again, I personally found it funny when she did that, but I was in the minority).
Some skullduggery was definitely afoot. Was it "sexy time," as Mary enthusiastically claimed? Who knows. Chuckie might have been paying the dude to give Mary a hobby. But not long after Mary started boasting about boning the artistic director, he suddenly began calling her out on her unprofessional behavior. They "broke up," but Mary managed to avoid getting kicked out of the improv troupe, bragging that she could sue the director for sexual harassment if he fired her.
And then... there was the pièce de résistance of Mary's misadventures in mating. She met a biker dude at Filthy McNasty's. This guys was disgusting. Most of her previous dudes had been questionable, weird, or possibly imaginary. But we all saw this one. He was as fat as a Hutt, he smelled like a grease trap, motor oil, B.O., and a very specific type of cheese... The few teeth that he had were black and green, his fingernails were yellowed and a few of them oozed pus. Finally, the volume and crackly, bubbly properties of his frequent farts indicated to George Gay that he, "definitely had a virgin booty." Mary's lard-ass loverboy called himself "Hogg," which was probably a reference to the two-wheeled vehicle that he was very obviously too large to actually ride. Or it might have just been an obvious nickname for a filthy fat fuck.
But Hogg, like Tech Guy a few loverboys ago, had a wife. And she made frequent appearances at Filthy's as well. Hogg's wife was shockingly... kind of pretty. A little rough around the edges. Didn't smell the greatest. But she stood in stark contrast to her repugnant hubby, even with her fried hair, her sloppily inked tats, and her imprecisely applied eye makeup. Her teeth were free of obvious rot. She had a beautiful figure. And she had a carefree attitude that was probably attractive to a number of people. She'd fart right along with Hogg, she didn't shave her legs, and the profane compound nouns she came up with always cracked me up (lard-tard, smegma-booger, felch-belcher).
And Mary was once again claiming to be in a throuple with The Hoggs. But this time, there was hard evidence. They'd get busy in some corner of the establishment, and even got booted from the dive bar a few times for lewd behavior, offensive odors, and illegal drug use. On one particular night, Mrs. Hogg lit one of her hubby's gargantuan ass-rippers while Mary was doing her thing, completely shrouded by his big belly. The blue flame ignited some spilt booze on the dingy floor, and a small fire erupted. The staff were able to stomp it out, but the nasty throuple was unceremoniously banished.
Alas, management allowed Mary to re-enter the bar because she apparently had some sort of sway with one of the bartenders. Instead of meeting her...uh... "partners" for some more boom-boom, Mary decided to come back inside and gush about Hogg's majestic rooster to all of us. She smelled like D cheese, ammonia, and burnt farts as she plopped down at our table, already screeching about how much bigger her "new boo" was, compared to that vile turd of an artistic director.
George Gay: Fuck me, Mary!!! You reek. Go wash the uncircumcised methhead off your hands and then you can sit with us.
Mary started to protest. Lucy cut her off. "Your whole body is probably a veritable Petri dish from fooling around with those nasty-ass people." She handed Mary some Purell. "Was the junkie junk off, keep the bottle, and don't you fucking touch me when you come back!"
Mary's bottom lip began to quiver and she looked pleadingly at me. "Just wash up," I told her. "You're too pretty to go around smelling like that.”
Off she went to the dingy bathroom. Maybe I wasn't harsh enough, but flattery got results in this instance. And when she returned, she had managed to dilute the stench enough so that we could stand to sit at the same table with her.
Mary took a deep breath in preparation to gush about something that would have undoubtedly been disgusting, but George cut her off this time. "Mare. How do you even BANG someone with a belly like that?"
Mary (speaking a bit more quickly than usual): Oh, it just takes some creative positioning. We get him to lie down. If Mrs. Hogg is taking in the rod, I hold his bowl of jelly up with both arms and stick my cooter in his face. He eats it like his mommy made it! And when it's my turn to get blasted, the missus uses a bunch of yoga straps to hold it up. I have to take it from behind because my own little tiny bit of va-jiggle-jaggle bumps up against his bowl of jelly if why try to smash like vanilla people. It's so much fun, though!!! And then he props his bowl of jelly up on the coffee table and plays with himself while he watches his honey strap on a dil...
George: I so regret asking.
Mary: They're sooo fun to fool around with! I think they might be my forever partners! (Her hands were too shaky to slide down her body in unbridled ecstasy, so she clasped them together and hid them underneath her itty bitty little gunt.)
Lucy: So when are you gonna dump Chuck?
Mary: Well... Hogg and the missus don't have much scratch. And what they do have, they spend on smokeables. When I meet a real sugar daddy, I'll get rid of Chuckle. He pretended to be a baller before we got married. But he's just middle management and he's content to stay there. Pffffftt. No ambition.
Mary launched into another long, unnecessarily graphic gushing about her garbage partners and their nasty-ass boom-boom. So I decided this would be a good time to clear my conscience about dating Whisky. Mary hadn't so much as mentioned him in months. She was inexplicably smitten with The Hoggs. And her ultimate dream man was obviously some filthy rich dude (perhaps a literally filthy dude who was also rich), which took Whisky out of the running. I still think it would have been amusing if Mary had tried to date Mori...
I waited for her adult film star gasp to wind down before I finally interjected, "Wow. Sounds like you've got a fantastic sex life right now!"
Mary: I do! You need to get over that born-again weirdo and find a real man so that you and I can have good girl talk!
Me: Well... I'm not banging anybody, but I am dating somebody. Sort of. It's not really that big of a deal. I'm not even sure that I'm completely into him. But he's been super sweet to me...
Lucy put her arm around me, almost as if she knew I was about to need protection.
Mary: TELL ME!
I hesitated. "Well... It's Whiskers."
In an instant, George jumped up and grabbed Mary by the shoulders, lest she lunge at me.
But Mary got very quiet. Silent tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She gasped and buried her face in her hands, now emitting one seemingly endless, impossibly high-pitched whine.
George loosened his grip and began to pat her on the back. Lucy's grip tightened on me and she whispered, "Here we go. Overreaction sequence has commenced."
Mary lifted her red, tear-stained face and glared at me. "HOW COULD YOU???"
Me: Mary, I swear. I thought you hated his guts. I haven't heard you talk about him in ages. When he asked, I thought it would be good for me to give him a chance since he's always been really sweet to me.
Mary: But what about the way he treated ME??? He was such an asshole!
Lucy: Was he? Mary, you stalked the guy. If he was rude, it was only because you weren't taking NO for an answer.
Mary: He never told me he wanted to end things. He just kept ghosting me. But whenever I showed up at his house and jumped on him, we always wound up smashing. Eventually.
I didn't have the gumption at that point in my life to suggest to Mary that it's wrong on every imaginable level to coerce someone into intimate activity, regardless of gender. And even knowing what Whiskers would eventually become, he didn't deserve THAT. I should have called her out. Instead I tried to steer the conversation back to her current bedroom bliss and try to get her to resume thinking the disgusting thoughts that delighted her so much.
Me: Who cares what he's doing now?! Aren't you insanely happy with your fun new lovers???
Mary: NO! THEY STINK! HE'S FAT. I want my sexy Whisky-Boo Whiskers back!!! Give him back, Valley! Puh-leeee-eeee-eeeee-eeeease.
Me: I don't "have" him. I'm just seeing him. If he hurt you this much, why don't you try to sit down and have a real conversation with him? It might be good for both of you to clear the air.
Mary: He blocked me on everythi-iiiiiii-iiiii-iiiiiing. Waaaaaaaaaah!
Me: Well, I guess that's your answer. You probably overwhelmed him. He seems like a bit of a softy. Personally, I need a softy right now. But I think you need a manly man.
Mary rose. She gave me an icy stare. And then she cooed in an unnervingly sweet tone. "I love you, Valley-Boo. I know you didn't mean to break my heart."
Me: Thank you, Mary. Really, I wouldn't have even considered his initial invitation if you hadn't been calling him "Satan," and telling us all that you hated him, and dating all these new guys. I didn't do it to spite you, I swear. It just happened.
Mary (still creepily, icily sweet): Yes. We're so alike, you and I. It's perfectly understandable that the same guy would go for both of us. But you owe me. You owe me big.
Me: I'm gonna disagree with that. If you think I slighted you, just tell me to fuck off. If you really do understand that these things happen, then you'll accept that there was no malice on anyone's part.
Mary: Mmmm-hmmmm. We'll see about that.
She jiggled her Jupiters, tossed her hair, and stalked out of the dive bar...

AND THEN SHE BANGED DENNIS.

Last night, I was bored and scrolling through Netflix. In my country, Mother of the Bride is currently number one and since I have a thing for Netflix movies, rom-coms (good or bad) and like Miranda Cosgrove, I went for it. As soon as they brought up the fact that the bride’s mother and groom’s dad used to date, I thought "Okay, so they're obviously not getting together if their kids are marrying each other" since that wouldn't be right.
Once they started to get more friendly and Brooke Shields was falling for Chad Michael Murray, I was kinda bored but thankful that it seemed to be going in a different direction. But then the scene where Brooke and Benjamin Bratt are stranded came on, and I immediately noticed the romantic foreshadowing (it was definitely more than a platonic conversation). Then she seems to blow off Chad (or I assume) and I could immediately tell that they were going to put the parents together while their children still marry. As in Miranda Cosgrove and her husband will technically be step-siblings. Right then and there, I turned the TV off.
I went to see if I was correct and not only that, but the parents get engaged at the wedding reception of their daughter and son?! Who greenlit this movie because out of all of Netflix's screwups, this was the most icky to me IMO. I really hope the cast were in this just for paychecks. On the other hand, Rachael Harris' character was hilarious, though 😂 I would watch a whole movie on her.
I hope I'm not alone in seeing this and other people think this too. Comment down below.

This was the meanest thing anyone said on the entire show in my opinion. And from Charlotte of all people! Diminishing Samantha’s relationship and viciously slut-shaming her in the same statement. Not to mention she considered herself a friend to the lesbian community, and as Miranda once put it, she’d had a decent amount of bone in her too. I understand expressing surprise, but dayum girl.

I have hated Carrie for the past two seasons… I just got to the episode where she tells Aidan that Miranda is pregnant and it’s Steve’s. I absolutely detest Carrie. She’s the worst.

when victor requested jade to play, he sat on top of his mother’s car (green station wagon). afterwards, victor directed jade to christopher’s car, which was a very faded red (s2 e5). oddly enough in s2 e8, the drawings by victor and eloise were stashed away in the trunk of christopher’s car. these 2 cars closely match those depicted in one of victor’s drawings (see above). this would mean that victor was in fact involved in the crash, as was christopher. it would also confirm the parallels shared by several characters (victor+ethan were both kids “chosen” by boy in white, miranda+tabitha both saw children and figured out saving the children and finding the exit, jade and christopher were both present in opposite vehicle and ended up seeing the symbol). if you look at the drawing, a pair of hands can be seen in front of the orange car. the hands have dark skin, which maybe means christopher also came with someone? kind of like how jade came with tobey? pay close attention to the car graveyard scene in s2 e5, the car victor sits on top of, and the one he points out as christopher’s. they look like the ones in this drawing