How to get pretty handwriting

I did a photoshoot with a friend today. I tried to do something normal.
After seeing the photos my mood increasingly got worse but my friend was having fun so we continued. She has great bone structure and literally looked like a top model. She’s so photogenic. I always thought I was prettier than her but after that I felt so worthless.
I can’t think about anything other than plastic surgery. There’s no way I can live myself as I am. I feel uncomfortable and on edge. I hate my body. I hate looking at pics of me from when I was a teenager and 20 pounds lighter and so much prettier. I feel totally disgusting. I workout all the time and eat healthier and I just keep getting uglier.
I actually feel like I need to starve myself at this point. Nothing is working. I hate every part of my face. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I want to cry. I feel like none of my friends will ever get me. This illness is so isolating. I’ve been looking at photos of myself and researching surgery for the past three hours and I can’t stop. If I can’t get surgery and lose weight and be gorgeous I think I’d rather die.
I can’t live like this much longer. Everyone says I’m cute and pretty and those are cruel words that reminder me ill never be special or truly beautiful. I feel like the gum on the bottom of peoples shoes. If anyone really knew how ugly I could get, they’d never talk to me again. I feel like monster. I hate living in this body. When I talk to people I always show my best side and do everything in my power to look better. Me at a resting state, head on, is probably the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. I’d rather be deformed than look so averagely boringly ugly.

(Idk why I’m posting this tbh, maybe I’m just looking for solace but idek) I will hang myself in the following week/month and sadly this time it truly feels like I’ve crossed the point of no return, originally I was going to use helium since I was pretty scared of dying. But after these years I think it’s safe to say that I’ve lost all motivation and my fear of dying went away with the little happiness I had left.
Everyday I struggle to be a better person for myself yet I just cannot feel okay, no matter how positive I stay it feels like I’m constantly on the brink of insanity, it feels as if my entire life I have waited for things to “get better”. I seem to hate myself even more recently thanks to my indifference towards how my family would feel, of course it will hurt the people I love. I just don’t have the energy to care anymore (it’s selfish I know).
Maybe this is what I was meant to be, maybe my choices were made way before I existed.
I guess some people are just meant to fail, maybe I’m meant to make the winners look better.
Sorry if I wrote like shit, but my head is everywhere. My mind is constantly screaming.
I drown every day, I wake up to water filling my lungs, the tide never stops rising. My feet last felt the sand many years ago, I tried to swim. I truly did. but the tide never stops rising.
I hope she can forgive me. I promised I’d wait for her. But the tide never stopped rising.
I’ll try and make the sky prettier for you all.

Im pretty new to svc, ive seen people getting better results with useing a pre-trained model to train their own model, so i assume theyr for boosting quality. I have only ever used Google colabs, and im not sure how to use w pre-trained to train my model within the colab. Thanks for help in advance.

I have been going as Bee for almost 20 years now & want to legally change it so I don't get the cringe every time I have to use my legal name. I've decided I might as well go ahead and change other parts of my name that don't vibe with me while I'm at it.
First name: Was given a very "pretty" first name at birth by my grandma whose birthday I was born on. It was a popular 80s feminine name, starting with B. Grandma often called me B Lynn as a child. When trying to find a name I liked in my 20s, a friend suggested Bee & I love it.
Middle name: As indicated above, my given middle name is Lynn. I don't mind it; it means 'lake' or 'pool below a waterfall' from Welsh (I'm part Welsh), and I think it pairs well with Bee, but I'm considering changing it to the original Welsh spelling, which is Llyn. In Welsh, this would be pronounced with a forced air sound on the ll, almost sounding like a th sound, but I would just continue pronouncing it like Lynn.
Surname: This is the one I am really struggling with atm. I have a patronymic surname (masc name + son), and I would like to find something to fit the nature theme of the rest of my name. I am also part Irish, so leaning towards an Irish Gaelic nature word as a surname. Kinda considering Móinéar, which means 'meadow', but I think I would prefer not to use a word with accents over the letters. Also, I'm more drawn to forests and wilderness than grasslands and cultivated spaces. Am leaning more toward Fiadh (pronounced FEE-ah) which means 'wild/wilderness' but also has references to 'deer'🦌 and 'respect'.
So, how does Bee Llyn Fiadh sound/look?
Open to suggestions for the middle (& perhaps a second middle name) & last names, but the Bee stays :)
TIA for any input

My husband (24m) and I (24f) have been together for 4 years and married for 1.5 and we have a three month old daughter. We got married as soon as he graduated university and started his first ever full-time job. I didn’t go to university and worked as a nail tech at a salon. When we got married, our combined salary was just enough to pay our rent and other expenses in a small apartment. I found out I was pregnant a few months after our wedding and when I told my husband we were going to be parents, he fundamentally changed overnight.
He started doing more certifications, more learning, and more networking and was able to land a job that paid more than double his first job despite only working full-time for six months. He also started a side business that is doing very well. Pretty soon, we were able to get a mortgage and buy a much better home for us and our coming baby. He also started taking his fitness and health very seriously. In just over a year of working out consistently, he has lost all the belly fat he had when we were dating and packed on a lot of muscle. I appreciate and love my husband very much for everything he did to provide our family a safer and higher quality home and for getting himself in excellent shape. However, the pregnancy was quite turbulent and I had to leave my job. My husband was my rock and just an absolute blessing during this time. Since we were still in a really good financial situation even without my salary, I chose to be a SAHM for at least a few years and try to start my own nails business from our home.
Now, the issue is how insecure I feel despite all his compliments and reassurances to me. The main cause of my insecurity is ever since he got in shape, other women openly flirt with him. Some instances include his ex who works at the same company inviting him to the girls washroom at a company event, a colleague sending him nudes, and even some of my friends have tried flirting with him (we are no longer friends). He shuts these attempts down immediately and always lets me know but I feel that being as attractive and successful as he is at this young age, he could easily find someone to cheat on me with or leave me and our daughter for if he wanted to. He treats me wonderfully and is very involved in taking care of our baby daughter. I trust him fully but even the idea of him leaving me scares me.
How do I deal with these insecurities? Should I even bring this up to my husband?

I’m not sure how to properly word the title of this so apologizes if it may sound confusing.
Anyways, I’m in the early stages of writing and I have pretty much the outline for the entire story. Woman from 21st century time travels to the Wild West is the basics of it.
The only thing I am completely stuck on is HOW does she time travel to begin with. I want it to be unintentional and supernatural/fantasy but every time I think of something it just doesn’t work or sounds too simple.
Sorry if this post is in the wrong thread and/or my post is confusing. Would just really like some help so I can get the story going haha. Thank you.

Hey all, I made a new account just to keep myself anonymous but my girlfriend (23yrs old) of 3 years has been taking phentermine and she’s always been super playful and everything but I’ve notice a severe turn in her behavior lately ever since she upped her dose of phentermine. She is taking 30mg I’m not sure if that could be the cause of it but I figured it was worth a try asking. Yes we do live in Minnesota and the cold does get to people but we both grew up here so you’d think we’d both be used to it. These past 3 years everything has been pretty smooth like all relationships we’ve had our ups and downs but recently she’s been taking phentermine and to be honest in all regards she has diagnosed autism and she thinks she is on “my 600 pound life” she’s about 5’5 and weighs about 125 pounds. She does not need to be on this medication but she got it somehow and does not listen to me when I tell her she doesn’t need it because she’s not fat at all. Anyways, the real question is why is she getting so mad so fast. Like we were watching tv together all cuddly and I made a comment about her mom’s birthday coming up and I asked her very jokingly “did you forget your mom’s birthday?” She then looked as if I spit in her face and said “Did you forget to leave flowers on your mom’s grave?”
Even for her she has never ever in all the 3 years we’ve been together said something like that. My mother passed away last month and I couldn’t believe she had said that and I was shocked and couldn’t speak. She just pushed me away and kept her distance and didn’t speak to me anymore for about an hour or so.
Then she got to doing the dishes and I was helping gather all the dishes from the kid’s rooms and whatnot and I placed them in the sink and began cleaning them along side her just trying to be a good boyfriend and she asked me “can you get the green thing to clean them right?”
I said “sure” and started looking for the dish soap under the sink and she mumbled something but I didn’t hear because my head was in the cabinet looking for the soap.
I ask her “what did you say babe? I didn’t hear you”
She looks and me and rolls her eyes telling me “you’re f*cking useless”
I’ve never heard her act like this before and up until she started taking this medication and we’ve had no problems in our relationship at all we’ve actually been pretty happy and she’s told me how happy she is and how much she loves me and how lucky she is to have me, but she’s done like a complete 180 and become a phent roid rager if that makes sense.
I feel like I’m not talking to the woman I began dating those 3 years ago. She gets so mad at the smallest little thing. It’s taking a toll on me especially because I’m working 2 jobs one full time and one part time while also going to college to get a degree. I’m a busy person and all I want to do is come home to my lovely girlfriend again.
I feel like I’m losing her to this medication. Please help me understand. Thank you.

Hey there, just wanted to share that years ago when I found this space, I was desperate, so alone, and sobbing after a particularly nasty fight with AM (for the 1000th time, nothing new). I didn't think there would be a life where I could be emotionally stable and at peace. Now, I've moved across the country and don't have contact with APs and am thankful that I did not give up on me, and so, I know how unimaginable and unbearable it is at times, but I encourage everyone to continue to move forward towards the life you want. You are worthy. Always.
Also, I don't think I will ever be truly "over" the emotional trauma and volatility that APs inflicted upon me, buttttt, it's kind of been my super power. I have been to therapy and have a good chosen-family support system now, but I decided to dive into acting this year and am hyper-aware of putting myself into healthy environments. Unfortunately, I think I have to take a few improv classes from a famous and infamous studio known for their verbal abuse because it's "industry standard," but I have been through hell and I know I can endure and get what I need while knowing I've got me. And interestingly, I know I've always been a sensitive soul, but because of AP emotional volatility and immaturity, I became "too sensitive" and very attuned to all shifts in emotions. But guess what? I'm so attuned to emotions in general that I am able to quickly embody and be truthful in my acting right off the bat.
It's all pretty dark and humorous in a nonsensical, tragic way, but using my story to create my brighter future is how I've been able to get myself to where I am now and where I will continue to go. Anyways, I'm sending you love, warm thoughts, and encouragement!

Okay, not made a lengthy but useless post in a while to chill off, and nows the perfect time since I am very exhausted.
So, title basically. I am going to try and see how manh cases Phoenix actually got paid for in the trilogy, and if it's a toss between pro bono and paid, I'll go with the latter since... It makes more sense I think.
Anyways, the First Turnabout. It's pro bono, do I have to explain?
Second, Turnabout Sisters. Again, pro bono, at first I thought it was because Maya is broke and a literal child but then again she probably tried to pay him with Mia's money given that she's probably the heir to Mia, but yeah, even still Phoenix would no doubt decline because the case is regarding his mentor's death and the client is her sister he practically adopts post this case so yeah.
Turnabout Samurai is fucking bank for Phoenix. I don't think he'd really feel guilty taking money from my main man Powers and I am pretty sure Powers being the sweetheart he is probably gave him a crazy amount as fee (way more than the average sum for an already high profile case) seeing that he's so rich. It might just be the highest paying case Phoenix worked on in the series actually, even after the trilogy, and the case that made him a public legend figure as displayed in DD (it still doesn't make sense, but.. that's the best we can make of it)
After thinking about it, Turnabout Goodbyes is probably bank too, in fact I am pretty sure Phoenix got payed a lot by Miles, not to say Phoenix wouldn't decline, but I doubt Miles would have that and likely paid him a generous amount, which again, is probably higher than the standard fee.
Rise from the Ashes is kind of a coin toss, but I am genuinely leaning on bank. Again, Phoenix obviously wouldn't accept payment from Ema since again, she's a fucking child, but Lana like Miles likely insisted and paid him nonetheless for saying her sister, not to mention a somewhat cheap government reward maybe for bringing down a high ranking government official.
Reunion and Turnabout is pro bono. Maya and Phoenix are close enough now that they don't Maya doesn't have to even try to pay him because she knows he wouldn't accept it.
Lost Turnabout is pro bono at worst and a very cheap voluntarily fee at worst. Phoenix likely didn't expect nor wanted any actual money from it, seeing as the detectives are so underpaid, yes, that includes Maggey, and since Phoenix is doing a favour for Gumshoe.
Turnabout Big Top is the second third case and it's again, by far the highest paying case in the game. It's not very hard to see why, Max like Will is also a celebrity even if to a lesser extent, and Max is probably thankful to Phoenix for resolving the shitstorm that is the circus, but then again who knows what that loser thinks. Still, bank.
Farewell, My Turnabout, by far my favourite case in the series and nothing even comes close, but for Phoenix? One would assume it was "pro bono" given the whole blackmail thing and the fact that Matt got convicted by the end of it, but then I remembered that's now how lawyers work, you pay them in advance and live with it even if they fuck up. So I am guessing Matt's manager probably transferred Phoenix a large sum when he took on the case, comparable to Turnabout Samurai even. I know what you are saying, Matt is too evil to do that, but I am pretty sure he doesn't mind paying the lawyer man, he's rich enough that it likely doesn't matter, and the blackmail only really started when Phoenix figured everything out.
Stolen Turnabout is the first case where Phoenix probably got payed the average fee lol. Mind you the average fee is also quite expensive but it's not an extreme, and I doubt Phoenix even felt any need to decline payment since he's clients are literal criminals, and they probably have a lot of money in the trunk considering they don't get convicted due to double jeopardy (which is fucking idiotic, being 'mask demasque' isn't a charge).
Recipe for Turnabout is a low voluntary fee, given it's Maggey again.
Bridge to the Turnabout is back to the basics, going full pro bono, which is funny since this case is likely the single most strenuous one Phoenix has to handle until now lol.
So yeah, surprisingly, when I looked at it, Phoenix got paid a lot 6 cases, one of which was the average fee (which is still quite high for a murder trial in which Pheonix literally overturns the entire findings of the cops), and 7 cases where he went either pro bono or received a very low fee for the effort. It actually makes somewhat sense to me, at first I thought it was stupid how Phoenix could sustain himself and Maya but when you look at it he likely got paid a lot when he did, now of course he takes massive gaps between cases, but they show him being stingy so I don't think it's a stretch to think he survives if he lives like an upper lower class man.

I launched my Steam page 5 months ago and since then it has done fairly well so I thought other people might get something out of me writing about it.
I approached things as I took a slightly different approach to most people in that I 'soft' launched with no trailer and no promotion. My reasoning behind this was that I had no following online, no experience marketing, and I wanted to get an idea of these things as well as really nail my game hook before I started promoting.
I'll start by saying that I know my wishlists aren't as high as some peoples crazy numbers but I think it has done ok for a first time launch by someone with zero experience.
This is my game on Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/2752020/Lair_Of_The_Leviathan/
Heres my wishlist graph. I'm currently just under 12k wishlists.
https://imgur.com/a/7zsxd3m
Warning, this might be a long post but I tried to break it down into sections.
The first spike is from the steam traffic at launch. The little bumps throughout were just posting either pixelart, on dev forums, Twitter etc. Just basic posts or art. Then the big spike at the end is the proper promotion with the trailer.
I thought I'd go through a few areas and methods I used to slowly build up an audience. When I first started posting it was more about practicing. Identifying a core message and seeing what works and getting comfortable with things.
At first I started with mainly reddit, Facebook groups and Twitter. I thought since no one knows about my game and I'm really uncomfortable posting about jt I just want to put it out there a bit and see what people think. I figured that these are easy platforms to post on and I could slowly build up my twitter following. After I started to promote a bit and had a trailer I started targetting specific subreddits related to my genre.
Reddit -
Reddit is great for getting quick steam visits. But it's a one and done type of thing. Traffic drops off in less than a day usually and it's difficult to find places to post promotional stuff.
If your art is pixel art, pixelart is ok but people there generally aren't interested in games, or at least my type of RPG. A post with around 1000 upvotes would get me about 50-100 wishlists.
Dev subreddits can get you some traffic but I found it much more useful to get people's reaction and to see what worked, what doesn't work. Subs like indiedev are great for just posting things and not worrying about a negative reaction as generally people are great!
If you have a specific type of game, I found that targetting that specific audience! For me the most effective was rpggamers. You might thinking smaller subreddits aren't worth it but you will get a higher percentage of people interested. I had way more views and upvotes on my pixelart posts but my rpggamers post gave me a much higher ratio of visits and wishlists.
Also one thing I didn't know and a kind soul pointed out was games. They have over 3 million subscribers. They don't allow promotion but they have an indie Sunday where you can post once a month. Use that once your page looks good.
The biggest take away I had from reddit in general was don't just go in dumping your 'ad' on people. No one wants to read that. Just be genuine, say here, this is my game, this is my hook, this is why I'm making it and why you might like it. I see a lot of developers not identifying why people should be interested in their game, what makes it different, people would want to play it?
Twitter -
What is often said about Twitter is true. It's a lot of devs following devs. Even if you get a viral post it won't give you mega traffic for your page. I had one post with almost a million views and it contributed maybe 5000 visits with a much lower conversion rate too.
However, I think people are looking at Twitter wrong. It's good for posting quick updates, seeing what interests people, testing out your game 'hook' and messaging and seeing what people respond to. It's also just great for practicing how to post and getting desensitised if you are worried about posting in public. I'm an introvert so I loved posting on Twitter to my 0 followers and not having to worry!
It can also lead to publications picking up and posting about your game. These do result in actual steam visits. I had a couple of sites write about my game which resulted in a few 1000 visits each time.
The more followers you get the more things are amplified when you post too. You can have quite a far reach with ‘normal’ people but again, so far I haven't found it leads to as much traffic as reddit although I only have a couple of thousand followers
Facebook groups-
This is one that I think people underestimate, especially at the beginner level. Facebook posts I found have a way longer tail too. Reddit traffic just disappears in a day but on Facebook it's a steady stream over a week.
It's also a good place to get feedback, practice your messaging and identify your hook that sets your game apart. There are very specific groups for certain genres. I had a lot of success with the indie games dev group (IGD) and when you are first starting out, even a few hundred visits is a huge deal. A lot of the groups are small but they appreciate you posting and you will get high visit rates. Plus I found people there are really friendly..
At a certain point it's not worth it but when you're starting out it's great to practice and also get visits coming in. A few people in the industry also read the posts on Facebook so you can make some connections really easily.
TikTok -
I don't think my game is TikTok friendly (or I suck at it) I have a grand total of 7 views on all my videos combined.
If anyone has success on TikTok with a pixelart game I’d love to hear it.
Other take aways - -
I think the big take away for me was that when you first launch your page, you will suck, at least as a first time developer (at least I did). My page was worse, my art wasn’t very good, even just the set up and descriptions. I think trying to market with that would have been a disaster.
I think taking that extra few months to build up confidence, adjust my page, get my messaging right, these were really key. I get Steam gives you a little push the first day but a push with a shitty looking page and no idea of your hook or how to promote your game will get you nothing anyway.
I think. 'soft' launching like I did really helped me learn how things work and most importantly than anything get down 'ok, this is my hook, this is how it's different to others'. I had no idea about that at launch. Some people say once your game is out it’s out but realistically, no one cares or knows about your game until you start telling them about it. That's really liberating in a way. You can play around, changes things do what you want and literally no one cares
Sorry for that huge wall of text. Waiting for the 'im not reading that' comments but I hope at least some people find it helpful.
Again I'm no expert, I'm sure I could do things better but I think it worked out pretty well. I just wanted to give some tips in case people are either at a loss about whether they should launch their page or not or even why they can’t get traction.
I’m happy answering any questions or you can message me on TwitteX @nostalgicrealms

How was the As exam y’all. It was easy all the questions cane from the notes and suggest questions were acceptable but guys I don’t feel safe alot saying it’s PRETTY easy n the curve is gonna humble us all like some dudes in my group said to get high A p2 grade boundary will be higher than 45 ( my assistant said that 45 is the average high A)

As the title says I'm a rank 33 with no money and pretty bad at the game expect for the easy things like hunting animals and doing bounties for money how do I rank up to a higher level and get better?

Episodic horror where all episodes are within the same launcher and unconnected to each other. Similar to how Fears to Fathom or Unsorted Horror's episodes work.
I'm pretty sure there were four episodes. I don't remember the other two.
In one of them you control a little ball shaped camera that's navigating through a space station, I think you're trying to get someone out alive?
Another one has you sitting in front of a computer terminal in a cabin playing an old text-based game and the story slowly starts to come to life around you. The terminal describes what is in a room and you type back a response, such as "look at the painting". At one point you open a d/oor in the terminal and the one behind you opens.
At the time it was played by most of the big gaming youtubers, think Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, etc.

To start things, we had a thing for a year, kinda a relationship but not really, we were both happy though for roughly 6 months, but right around that time mark i started to notice really weird actions like taking pictures of our chats (it could have been the stupidest thing said) and she would still just need to take a picture of it, most the time shed try to do it without me knowing but i would since shed go on her computer. Anyways, the point is, she had 720 pictures and 4 screen recordings (I remember that number exactly) over. A years worth of conversations. Ontop of that, she also would check my live snap location many times a day, and would bash me if i was active for 1 minute before responding to her. I was naive, i thought she had just really liked me, and in turn, i unfortunately fell in love with her. Things went on, getting sour, i noticed she had been backing away but how could she? After saying everything she had said? (Like in a loving way) It was so confusing and so hurtful and she needed a break and then i found out she was with one of my friends and “getting touchy” (no sex) and then came back day after. Now i know its stupid as fuck to take someone back afrer they leave you for someone let alone talk to them but i thought she was genuine, she didnt have much experience and was confused, and it was a grade a opportunity, i mean my friends dad litterally coaches a professional sports team. After i had got back together with her, she had lied about how she felt, it is obvious now but, she wanted another break out of nowhere and now were friends. Sorry, “friends” because i havent responded to her in a while. Thats basically the story in short, but the things that lead onto the “manipulation” (i put that in quotes since i need help determining whether or not this is actually a case of this) every single time ive ever talked to any other women its been BATSHIT. absolute batshit. She would talk about fate and meant to be and how everything is crumbling, like lady… every time ive tried to leave her life, blocking her, unadding her, telling her goodbye i wish you the best, she always finds a way to slither back into my life and im not even sure if i can do anythint wbout it anymore. Im friends with her brother, her best friends, parents, and were going to the same college come fall. Im not sure what to do here, i feel as though i have been manipulated since she has litterally been leading me on and off for a year, feeding me with shit i wanted to hear. And the worst part is im pretty well off the in the female department, meaning i had opportunities to get with other people during our thing! But nope, i sacrificed everything for someone who will remove me from their life but when i try and remove them, its war. Hell i even tried ending our streak a couple days ago, and i got hit with a “ph youre trying to leave again huh” 🫣 wdym by that lady, and before any “block her” reccomendations, i kinda cant, but know that im like 70% moved on already, and ive also already accepted the fact that shes probably with another fude rn. Help. Lol.

My husband and I just got married 6 months ago and I got pregnant right away just as we both wished. We have been together for 4 years, lived together for 2 of those so it was an easy adjustment after our wedding day. About a month later my husband wanted me to quit my job and be a housewife so that he could focus on his career while I took care of our home and baby to be. He told me that he would work a typical 40 hour week with 2 days off. I was never concerned about our income because we made more than enough to support us both including our baby otw so I agreed to this arrangement. I enjoy cooking, cleaning the house, doing the yard work and running all the errands. It has never been an issue for me (still isn’t) but I can’t help but want to give up on all the responsibility and say fu*k it because my husband has completely neglected all my emotional and physical needs during this pregnancy. Around the time I was 8 weeks pregnant my husband decided to get a second job behind my back. He now works 70 hour weeks with NO DAYS OFF! When he does have time off he spends it with friends or says he’s too tired to be with me. The first thing that came to mind when I found out was “Are we not financially stable?” See, my husband and I share a bank account and talk through all the bills together as a team and we both have our own set allowance of how much we can spend on ourselves per month. HE DOESN’T NEED THE SECOND JOB! We have had many conversations over the past few months of how alone I feel, that I need time with him and that I need someone to help support me during this pregnancy. He always replies with “I am here for you” or he just actively falls asleep and/or ignores me when I communicate to him how I’m feeling. During these conversations I tend to cry because of all the hormones and emotions running through my body at once and almost everytime he looks at me with the coldest face or falls asleep on me while tears run down my face. I never get even a little hug or any reassurance. This was not the person I fell in love with and it doesn’t seem like him at all. I miss him a lot and more than anything I want him to be involved in the pregnancy. When I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum in the first trimester it would cause me to vomit 12 times a day. If my husband happened to be in the room while I was sick he would say “you’ll be okay, do you want some eggs.” He had a tendency to always bring up food in the middle of me throwing up and when I would tell him to stop he’d either continue to bring up different foods or leave the room and not check on me again. Then later when I was struggling with vitamin deficiency in this pregnancy he would never check to see how I was feeling nor would he educate himself on what i struggling with at the time. He bought himself a $400 Lego a couple days ago and when I told him I needed to get some maternity clothes he said that I shouldn’t be purchasing stupid stuff like that and that I should only purchase needs not wants. I found it pretty amusing that a $400 Lego was considered a need and maternity clothes are just my wants, but that’s besides the point. I have asked him on several occasions if I have done anything to cause him to be this way and he always tells me nothing has changed and that I do everything the way he wants it. Soooo, someone please give me some advice on what to do about this. He has turned into an emotionless human being that I have never met before. I don’t know what to do! I am pregnant for the first time in my life and have no one to love or support me. I don’t want to resent him, but also don’t want to be miserable.

Hello 27yo F here! I was previously on lisinopril 5mg for 5-6 months, but recently switched to losartan 25mg due to the dry cough. On Lisinopril my readings were ranging from 110s-125/80-92. I just started my 5th week on losartan and I get that it should take a while to feel the full effects, but I feel like my numbers are only getting higher. My numbers are ranging from 119-139/88-98. The past few days have been the highest at almost 140/99 or 130/100. I do leave on a big international trip in 2 days, so possibly due to the stress & anxiety? I had messaged my provider a week ago regarding the numbers, but the highest was 128/95 and she said to give a few more weeks. At this point my anxiety is pretty high and I’m stressing about flying while my numbers are high & being in a new country without being able to monitor my blood pressure.
How much longer should I give the current dose or medication? Should I just go back to the 5mg Lisinopril for my trip as I still have a bottle?
Thanks for any thoughts/advice :)

So, I’m binging the show and obviously am a little late to the game atp lol. I wanna do some deep reflection on Katie’s character and how she treats her kids.
What I’ve noticed throughout the first, second and now third seasons, is Katie’s inconsistency with the kids. She hates how Oliver has always been money obsessed and scheming for riches; she hated Taylor’s friends, the rich bfs, tried controlling everything and knocking her down a peg at every opportunity she had, but with Anna-Kat - it’s pretty much the opposite! She’s obsessed with helping her be apart of the “in crowd”, she tried to eliminate Franklin and get her close with those twins, then she obsessed over throwing the perfect get together for the “popular girls”, and is constantly trying to make play dates that expand her social circle and improve her popularity. I know Anna-Kat has been implied that she has OCD and is in special education, perhaps implications of being on the spectrum, but Katie just absolutely obsessed over the idea of her becoming popular and basically buying friendship from the popular kids. Meanwhile constantly shaming and judging the rich moms in her town because she’s projecting her fear of not belonging. It’s weird to me that she’s sooo controlling with her kids friends and dating life, not allowing them to be a part of the “rich” culture, but wants it for her youngest child. Am I overthinking this all? Is anyone else picking up on this? Does she hate the rich “culture” or does she cover it? Why pull two kids away whirled trying to encourage one kid to lean into it?
It makes me think of some negative parenting stereotypes: 1. Boy mom- no one is good enough for her baby boy. He will always be a baby in her eyes. Allowing him to mature, make money, have goals, etc. would mean he would eventually leave home and no longer need his mom. 2. Jealousy towards the oldest daughter. Katie is constantly reminding her how “popular she was” as a teen. Alluding to how active her s3x life was but judging her daughter for small things like minor PDA, Halloween costumes, etc . Demanding she dye her hair back when she dyed it blonde in the early season and basically saying she OWNED Taylor’s haibody. “Hating” every bf she ever had (worth mentioning how Katie was also seen doting over teen boys she claimed were attractive 🤢) and trying to run them all off or play mind games. Always meddling with her friendships in very intrusive ways. I could go on tbh. Lastly, 3. The Golden child. Anna-Kat. Despite causing trouble at school, being sneaky, manipulative, etc. she’s Katie’s “favorite child”. She always says how she is “just like her”. But is this really a good thing if she is constantly trying to get Taylor to be the complete opposite of who she was as a teen? Wouldn’t that mean she doesn’t like who she was or is? Could her treatment towards Taylor be fueled by jealousy from Taylor being who katie never really was? Was Katie actually “the coolest popular kid”? Or is this just a facade she’s portraying to justify her projecting, due to her internalized self-hatred?
I know, it’s just a TV show lol. None of it really matters in the grand scheme of things. But this is the stuff that keeps me up at night 😂 I’m constantly comparing my real life, my psychological knowledge and past experiences with the dynamics of TV show families. I can’t help but try to evaluate what’s realistic and what normal truly is or should be. 🤣🤣 and I guess that’s on growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive environment.

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but life kept getting in the way.
There is a bunch of new (well, new to me) stuff I've discovered over the last few weeks, and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Let's start with the "prequel" (although never canonically confirmed) to the Marathon series was a game called Pathways to Darkness. The backstory for this game is:

Sixty-four million years ago, a large extra-terrestrial object struck the Earth in what would later be called the Yucatan Peninsula, in south eastern Mexico. The dust and rock thrown up by the resulting explosion caused enormous climactic changes in the ensuing years, and many of the Earth's species became extinct during the long winter that followed.
The object itself was buried thousands of feet below ground, its nearly two kilometer length remarkably intact. It remained there, motionless, for thousands of years before it finally began to stir-- and to dream.

Hmm. Buried below ground. Finally beginning to stir and dream. Who does that sound like?
Let's keep going.

The heat of impact liquefied the rock around it, which later cooled and encased the dead god's huge body far below ground. As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment.. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality.
Like Fingerrats? Or like Spider-wolves?

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

Caverns and landscapes. I want to expand this point here for a bit because it's also mirrored across Alagaesia.
Let's start with Helgrind.
For any FV enjoyers, I've previously speculated that Helgrind is a reliquary, or a previously living being that was transformed (a la Ctein).
But the curious thing here is the timeline of Helgrind and it's tunnel system, taken with the above context.

Q: Assuming it wasn't built by the Ra'zac themselves, was the lair inside Helgrind purpose-built for the Ra'zac and Lethrblaka, or did they appropriate it some time after it was built? If it wasn't built for them, what was its original purpose?
A: Partially natural formations (linked to tunnels elsewhere in Alagaësia), partly expanded by the priests of Helgrind and Galbatorix himself.

But... The Ra'Zac didn't inhabit Helgrind until at least after the Humans came over. So these tunnels underneath Helgrind existed before the Ra'Zac, or Galbatorix ever set foot on Alagaesia. Which, I don't know about you, but a massive network of tunnels does not smell entirely natural to me.
So.. where else are there "natural" formations that link to other tunnels elsewhere in Alagaesia?
We've seen these "natural" formations in Vroengard:

Q: The deeps under Vroengard, were they created by the riders or was it a previous system of caverns that they repurposed?
A: Previous system. I mean, there's been work done on them, but... 'It looks similar, parts of it feel similar to the caverns that we encountered in this book. They both have that hole in the cave which goes deeper, with something in the hole that's not clearly defined.' Yeah.

And we've seen similar depictions in the Beors, and Nal Gorgoth. So from the Beors to Vroengard, "natural" tunnels exist underground. I don't buy that they are entirely natural.
Given the context of the Marathon game above:

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I think these tunnels came from Azlagur.
Let's switch gears here, I want to talk about another archaeological mystery in the world of Eragon - El-Harim.
I believe El-Harim was heavily influenced by the (not canon confirmed, but implied) prequel to the Marathon games, the Pathways into Darkness

Pathways casts the player as a member of a US Army Special Forces team sent on a mission to the Yucatán Peninsula. On May 5, 1994, a diplomat from the alien race known as the Jjaro appeared to the President of the United States and informed him that on May 13, an ancient godlike being sleeping beneath a pyramid would awaken and destroy the Earth. The only way to prevent this catastrophe is to prevent the god from awakening. The eight-man Special Forces team carries a nuclear weapon, with the goal of entering the ancient pyramid, descending to the bottom level where the god sleeps, and activating the bomb to stun the god and bury it under tons of rock.

Getting into a bit more of the backstory:

Only during the last few centuries has the god begun to effect changes on the surface of the Earth. Grotesque creatures have been sighted deep in the trackless forest of the Yucatan, and strange rumors of an ancient pyramid-- which is neither Aztec nor Mayan-- in the same area have been circulating in the archaeological community since the early 1930's.

Pyramid, eh? There are two different options here I can think of that equate.
The extended FWW Map
First, in the extended map from FWW, we can see a Pyramid-esque shape - Different color, different slope, etc.
Or, second (and probably more likely), it could be El-Harim:

It is a very bad place. It’s a place where some bad things happened at one point and it’s not a good place to go walking around. I don’t want to get into it too much more because again, it’s a good possibility for another story and I want to keep thinking about it a bit more. It is in Alagaesia and we’ve actually been close to the location.

Many speculate that the below vision from Eragon in Brisingr, which was never explained in the main cycle, is of El-Harim:

And he rested, and visions beset him of a circular stone city that stood in the center of an endless plain and of a small girl who wandered among the narrow, winding alleys within and who sang a haunting melody (A Feast with Friends, Brisingr).

If this vision IS El-Harim , it's super significant because of these two descriptors:

circular stone city
narrow, winding alleys

Fractals. The city itself is a fractal, like Nidus for any FV enjoyers.
The narrow winding alleys are significant because of the descriptors of the Vanished/Grey folk:

The spaces between the structures were narrower than the humans preferred; the proportions were taller, thinner, which matched the images she had seed of the Vanished...
The ancient outline of the city was - as she suspected - a fractal, and the shape of it contained meaning.... At the nexus of the apttern, where it coiled in on itslef like a nautilus shell" (Shards, TSIASOS).

Narrow. Circular (Nautilus shell). Winding. Fractal.
Whatever this city is, El-Harim or otherwise, it is/was a grey folk/vanished city.
And given the quotes from above - "Its a place where some bad things happened at one point", and "dangerous, creeping, ancient, evil thing" - My guess is that the event that caused the Grey Folk to bind the AL to magic happened here, in El-Harim.
Alright, moving along.
Let's talk about the Az and the God. There are a few parallels I've talked around, but the BIG link between the two are Dreams. This is especially important because of the release of the world map recently.

We are the devotees of Azlagur, the Devourer. Azlagur the Firstborn. Azlagur the Dreamer. He who sleeps and whose sleeping mind weaves the warp and weft of the waking world. But the sleep grows restless" (Obliteration, Murtagh).

Versus

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I could write a whole post about the parallels between the two and their linkage to dreams, but I'll cut it short here for now to save room to dig in to other areas. Specifically, the Dreams connection is especially important because of the relase of the world map recently - I have another post here that gets into more detail, but the translations from the World Map in the middle translate to:

where dreams and dragons dwell

Dreams (!) and Dragons.
Combine that with the Etymology of the words:

Alagaësia ala = land gaësia = rich/fertile
Alalëa ala = land lëa = a beautiful dream
Elëa = the dream itself

So the planet, named Elea, translates to "The Dream Itself". Very interesting.
This is even more significant when you take into account this tweet chain from Chris, a bit earlier in March

Darn it. Just invented a name in the ancient language. Googled it to make sure no one else had used it ... only to discover that I had used it in an earlier book. Lol.
Can we ask what name?
Edurna

I believe the name was a potential candidate for the name of the planet of Alagaesia, which is important because of the etymology of THAT name (All credit to Zora for digging this one up).

Edurna sounds awfully like Adurna and Edur
Adurna meaning water and Edur being a prominence

Prominence. And Water. You know what that sounds like to me? Plaintive Verge. Just food for thought.
Second-to-last Az connection I want to cover: Hunger.

Whirling darkness swallowed him, and at the center of it... lay a formless horror - ancient and evil and from which emanated a constant merciless hunger (Dreams and Portents).

Versus a quote about the cosmic entity in Marathon:

Now I fear what that weapon has unleashed will destroy us. I once boasted to be able to count the atoms in a cloud, to understand them all, predict them, and so did I predict you, but this new chaos is entirely terrible, mindless, obeying rules that I don't comprehend. And it is hungry.

Now, the last piece of Azlagur-related lore I want to cover here is the "Black Sun".
In all of the visions, a Black Sun precipitates Azlagur's rise.

"A black sun rimmed by black flame hung against a darkling sky... The beast rose rampant against the black sun - A wingless dragon, apocalyptic in size, terrifying in presence. Destroyer of hope, eater of light"

Before getting into the Black Sun a bit more, there's an additional connection here I want to touch on - usage of the word rampant in connection with Azlagur.

In Marathon, Rampancy is the enhanced self-awareness of a computer AI, causing a progression towards greater mental abilities and destructive impulses. The destructive impulses, however, are primarily caused by being threatened or harassed. There are three main stages, as well as a fourth and final stage that is rarely achieved, to rampancy, named by the primary attitude of the AI during those times: Melancholia, Anger, Jealousy, and Meta-Stability.

There are some overlaps with what we see from the Maw.
And Melancholia.. that's an interesting word. Especially when taken into context the meaning of the name:

A melancholy dream of great beauty.

Melancholy.. Dream... The pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And Rampant...
Chris also uses that exact same verbiage when discussing a deleted scene from TSIASOS:

Q: I just finished reading To Sleep in a Sea of Stars and I have to know: it sounds like the Wranaui fought the corrupted during the Sundering but if that's true and it happened almost 300 years prior.... Who created the old corrupted? I've been questioning this for days!
A: That was actually in material cut by editors (some of the dream memories). Another Seed/Idealis was damaged and, when the Old Ones tried to separate it from its host, the xeno went rampant.

The xeno went rampant. Very interesting.
Alrighty, I keep getting distracted, back to the black sun.
The reason the Black Sun is important is because it always precipitates Azlagur's rise, throughout several of Murtahgh's visions. In each of them, there is a Black sun.
So, by this, we can extrapolate that the sun needs to be Black in order for Azlagur to rise (which is hinted at at the "Day of Black Sun" celebrations near the end of the book).
But... what does it actually mean?
There is a parallel in Marathon, their weapon:

The trih xeem (also "tri xeem") is an extremely powerful weapon that can be used to force a star into early nova... it was originally conceived and built by the Jjaro [The Old Ones/Vanished equivalent]. Much of the Marathon Infinity story revolves around preventing the Pfhor from using the tri xeem and inadvertently releasing a W'rkncacnter that is supposedly trapped within the Lh'owon sun.

So, the story of the last Marathon games revolves around preventing the usage of the weapon to release the cosmic-level baddie trapped in the sun. So, effectively, the antagonist is imprisoned by the sun.
But.. how does that translate to Azlagur and Murtagh?
The Black Sun requirement for Azlagur's rise could be construed as "imprisonment" by the sun; Azlagur cannot escape until the sun is turned Black. But it only really starts to come together when you piece together these pictures.
First, early concept art for the Fractalverse
You see the black orb, heading directly for the glowing star? Sounds pretty similar.
But that's not the smoking gun; look at the depiction of the black orb in the concept art, and compare it to the trih xeem, the weapon in Marathon.
A black orb with a trail heading directly for the sun. Almost an exact match.
OK.. so I get that it has some relevence in fractalverse, but how does it translate to Eragon?
Well, because of the Beors. Specifically, a picture CHRIS HIMSELF posted about the Beors.
Here
I propose that THIS black orb, at the top of the Beors (which, suspiciously, no one has traveled to) houses the black weapon. After all, the depiction is quite similar - A large, circular, black orb. Looks pretty similar to the other pictures.
And given the above context that Azlagur can only rise with a "Black Sun", the pieces all start to fit together. It's not perfect, but there are definitely a lot of overlaps.
Alright. I've been waiting for this one. The last piece. Let's talk about Angela.
Q: Will we get Angela lore? I feel like she could have killed Galbatorix and just didn't feel like it.
A: For those who don't know Angela is based on my sister Angela, because she breaks the fourth wall to a degree she has. Not only does she have plot armor, she knows she's in a story and can break the story itself. So, yes, she could have killed Galbatorix, but that would have made for a very bad story. That said, I do have an entire book planned around Angela, and it's very high on my list of books to write because it takes place before some of these other big stories I want to write. And that's also the difficult thing. I have my big storylines, and then I have a couple of one off side books I want to write, and it's just a question of time, energy and effort.
She knows she's in a story, and she can break the story.
Based on that, and several other descriptions I will get into in a bit, I think her story is directly related to the Marathon Infinity game.

Marathon Infinity begins as the Pfhor destroy Lh'owon using a Jjaro-derived doomsday weapon known as the Trih Xeem or "early nova". Unfortunately, the weapon also releases a powerful chaotic being: The W’rkncacnter, which threatens to destroy the entire galaxy. Because of the W’rkncacnter's chaos or by means of some Jjaro tech of his own, the player is transported back and forward in time, finding himself jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides in a desperate attempt to prevent the chaotic being's release.

and

In Marathon Infinity, a W'rkncacnter is imprisoned in the sun of planet Lh'owon. It is theorized by some that the W'rkncacnter's powerfully chaotic nature may be responsible for the jumps between realities seen in the game. When the Pfhor use a trih xeem device to send the star into early nova, the creature is released, to the horror and destruction of the Pfhor.

Angela is the Eragon-equivalent of the player.
She can transport back and forward in time, jumping between timelines, and fighting to prevent the chaotic being's (Azlagur's) release. Let's dive in.
First:

Q: Is it canon that Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord and did she make a cameo in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars?
A: Is Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord? That would be copyright infringement, so I'm going to say "no comment", but she is in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars. And there is a canon reason for this. And you should have no problem spotting who she is in that book.

So there's a canon reason she's in the book. Interesting. When you take that into context with the next bit

Q: On your last AMA on reddit, someone asked if any fan had guessed the identity and history of Angela correctly. You said nobody has guessed correctly and there's not enough information in the books to do so. That puts every fan theory out there on her wrong, correct? She's not the soothsayer, a time lord, grey folk, etc, correct?
A: Angela: Some of the fan theories have gotten parts of her history and identity correct. However, there's a HUGE aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (or least, not in a non-joking way). And no, I don't mean her being a Time Lord.

So there's a huge aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (at least at the time of writing). She's self-aware, knows she's in a story, and can jump around in time. And, similar to the Marathon games, it appears like only she knows that she's in a story.
So, based on the Marathon inspiration, we can guess that she is trying to accomplish the same thing - To prevent the release of the cosmic-level villain. We know that she has some kind of relationship with the Draumar:

In Murtagh, it’s revealed that Bachel and “Uluthrek” (Mooneater, Angela’s given Urgal name) met with Bachel explicitly going out to confront her (a courtesy not even offered to a Rider like Murtagh)

So, by extension, she has some kind of connection to Azlagur. This is supported by other circumstantial evidence in FWW as well:

Since we know that the Dream Well in Mani's Caves is similar to the Well in Nal Gorgoth I can assume that Angela is revealing the existence of the Draumar to Elva there? I feel certainly feel as if you're setting up her for something in the future series.
Heh. Good Catch.

So, she is clearly working with Elva to do something related to the Dream Wells, and she also previously confronted Bachel, many years ago. So throughout multiple years across the WoE, she is connected to Azlagur and the Draumar; her story clearly revolves around them/Azlagur, somehow.
Putting the above pieces together, my guess is that she is jumping around in different timelines, trying to manipulate actions of the past to prevent the rise of Azlagur. Just like the player character in Marathon. There's another piece of circumstantial evidence to support this assertion as well.
In Marathon Infinity:

After multiple "jumps," the player (seemingly the only one who realizes he is being transported between possible realities)

Versus Angela:

As hours passed, the stars turned above, night chill drew the heat from my body, and I fell into a curious trance, not asleep but not fully awake... The world altered" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

I believe this world "Altering" was the first time she experienced an alternate timeline, without knowing what it was at the time.
We've also seen her create "Doorways" as well - Although it's not clear if this is fast traveling (a la a Torque Gate), or truly opening a path to another timeline.
In Eldest:

"As they landed, he noticed a patch of white on a small hill nearby. The patch wavered strangely in the dark, like a floating candle, then resolved into Angela, who was wearing a pale wool tunic" (A Sorceress, a Snake, and a Scroll).

and then later, more concretely:

"I traced a line on the wall, reached out, and opened a door that wasn't there. ON the other side - nighttime, a beach by a black ocean lit only by stars, so many, many stars, more than there should be. Of course, I would not take Elva to my home, not yet. But this was a waypoint, a place to build and learn and grow... She stared into the gap, the impossible portal" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

Still, as always with Angela, so many questions.
Alright, we've reached an ungodly wordcount, so I'll call it here. There are still more connections I'm uncovering between the two series (such as the potential connection between the Gedway Ignasia and the "warning" sensation from Marathon), so I might make a follow-up post in the future with everything else I uncover.
As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments, or if you've found any other connections between the two.

I am an USIMG. So I'm in my internship of medical school and I just started preparing for step 1. Im pretty sure I don't know anything cuz I studied for my finals every year just for the sake of passing. My basics r really weak. My college is a new pvt medical college in India so they don't have sponser notes yet. We're expecting to get the sponser notes by the end of March or April 2025. As of now I've started preparing yesterday. I did a small part of heart embryology. But I feel lost and I feel like I have to relearn everything from the start. Can y'all help me out plij? Like right now I'm thinking of starting first aid (Amir mullik videos) and doing the entire thing in like 5 to 6 months and do pathoma simultaneously when I'm in college doing my internship (8 to 5). In first aid im planning to start of with cvs, cns then git and respi and then all the smaller systems and topics. While doing first aid I was also advised by my sister to do amboss questions simultaneously. Is this fine or do I need to watch other things and how do I memorise all these stuff and also how do I know what to read and what not to?? Plij help

I started developing ocd over a year and a half ago, whilst dating my ex boyfriend. Our relationship was incredibly insecure and felt threatened very frequently, because of that, I began my first steps, which consisted mainly of doing certain actions with my phone whilst texting and closing their messages, then I started doing it 1, 4 , 5 times. The numbers increased and developed their own meanings over time, and then, over time, I hadn't taken the compulsions as seriously. I didn't understand what they meant, I just knew, I had to lock my door 5 times, and touch the handle a certain way, or my ex boyfriend would leave me. If I saw any girl on social media, and I didn't click "not interested. " he would cheat on me with them.
It took over my life at the start.. But not nearly as much as now, by now, I have compulsions at least 1-7 times every 2 minutes. Every number has a meaning. From 1 to 10, they all mean something, they all represent destressors. These have evolved over time, from 2 meaning "I'll live if I use this number. " to it now meaning "my boyfriend will lose interest in me if I do this 2 times. " and I see these numbers everywhere. I feel so stressed and I count everything.
Every action is now a compulsion, I have to type a certain way, my brain has to decide on everything, " Will something bad happens if I do this? " and it looks in the future as if it's a fortune teller- as if we can actually see. I feel distressed all the time, my life is under it's control pretty much-- if I don't do said thing now, I must later, perfectly, in perfect order, perfectly so they don't stop loving me, perfectly so they don't get hurt, perfectly so my life doesn't crash down- but the sense of perfection isn't real.
Sometimes I don't even know that. Sometimes- a lot of the time, when my now boyfriend leaves to shop or work i'm convinced he's dead, experiencing a roberry, got hurt outside somewhere, stuck In a horrible place- whilst he really just isn't replying, because he's busy, I will suffocate for hours, crying and unintelligible, ties with reality cut, feeling like my downfall has been caused by my failure, or exposure attempts.
I have depersonalization-derealization disorder, which I feel like makes it all the more worse. I made the mistake of starting to categorize my disorder as a person or thing of it's own, in attempts to be calmer, but it did nothing but raise the stress and false feeling that someone is truly in my head shattering everything and holding me at gunpoint every second. I very rarely feel real and this disorder has somehow felt even more catastrophic than my severe dpdr, which I have had for around 5 1/2 years.
I spent the prior months convinced every night I'd be dead, I ruined my friendship because it started treating talking to my friend as a "no you can't do this or i'll ruin your life :D " compulsion, have no ties with family, worry myself to the bone each day regarding my relationship, ask every day if their feelings have changed - and they always say no.
I don't know how to make it stop- I know I feed it too much but the amount of compulsions are overwhelming, the anxiety always draws me back, clinging to it and begging to "make things okay again. "
Any advice would be really appreciated! I'm also not good with tone inside of text so I'm sorry if this sounds over intense or aggressive, I just feel super stressed atm, have been breaking down because my bfs actions don't seem to match his words- through absence. It seems to be a really big trigger when he leaves and doesn't text me for hours when out. I brought it up and it hasn't been fixed but that's okay. Just really tired. Wish my head could just be empty again for a second or a minute- the noise is horrible. It feels like being screamed at by 10 different people, all the time with horrible threats.
Can't tell if things will be okay rn. Usually when I do compulsions it at least tells me sometimes that things will be okay- the anxiety goes away a little- but I have a painful silence now, for the first time, getting this out. I feel very afraid