Cheerleaders in the shower

I, (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (19M) a couple of months after I turned 18, and my parents were furious and hurt. There’s a lot to unpack with this one, so bear with me.
My parents (40F and 42M) are very religious and were somewhat strict while I was growing up. I have two younger brothers, one 17 and one 8 (this will be important later). For context, my father is a pastor at a local church and my parent’s religious beliefs are the reasoning behind most if not all of their actions. Growing up, I was never a stereotypical girl. I didn’t have many female friends and was usually not accepted in groups with guys as I was a girl and we were kids. I was extroverted as a child but due to being repeatedly rejected by kids my age, I became more introverted. I was a major nerd who loved superheroes and I wanted to play sports. Again, for context, the town I grew up in was very conservative and my parents are very conservative themselves. Girls liked girl things- even if they claimed that’s not how they felt, it’s how they acted. However, as a kid, I did not realize this. I played soccer and basketball growing up, regardless of how “weird” it made me because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I was probably around 9 or 10 at this point. It was around this time my parents started having issues with my hobbies. I remember my parents trying to convince me to be a cheerleader because I would “like it more,” but I insisted on playing basketball. (This basketball/cheer program was through our church by the way). Because I was still young, they let it slide, but to this day I remember them being annoyed with it. This is also around the time dieting was introduced to me as well as calorie counting. I have always struggled with my weight and so has my mother, so they were very adamant on making sure I was being “healthy.” I didn’t understand it, but as a child, the only thing I was worried about was making my parents happy. A lot of discipline I received revolved around emotion. What I was doing was right or wrong and if I did something wrong, I felt terrible and awful and would often come crying to my parents about the mistakes I made, fearful of their disappointment and anger if they found things out themselves. They also made everything a moral dilemma- everything was about God and religion and as a kid, it really messed with my head. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong, seeing it as God’s punishment for my behavior. When I was 9, I went so far as to blame my grandmother’s death on myself because I was hanging out with boys instead of girls. This made me to be more of an introvert and my now anxiety disorder is much much worse.
About a year later, my parents sat down with me and my brother and told us they wanted to adopt. At first, I was very excited. I loved the idea of having another brother or sister. And I wouldn’t trade my 8 year old brother (let’s call him Scott) for anything, but adopting kids is part of what triggered a huge change in my parent’s behavior. Also- I had started getting older. I loved playing video games, watching cartoons and writing. However, these weren’t the things they wanted me to like I guess, because I started to feel their judgment become more clear and apparent as I got older. Now, I assume this is because as a kid, I just did what I was told, or my oddities were assumed to fade over time, but that is not the case anymore. Anyways, entering middle school, our family fostered a little girl, let’s call her Ally. A young woman in our church had told us that Ally’s family was out of the picture, and as her aunt, she couldn’t take her in as she was already a single mom and planned on adopting her brother, but couldn’t handle all three alone. So my family stepped in- however, we had come to find that her father was still in the picture and was actively fighting for custody. And Ally was a bit of a handful. My parents have admitted that they expected to swoop in, save a child from a hard life and be the heroes, and when things were harder than that they were very upset. Ally was about three- she remembered her mom (who was in jail i believe), her sisters, her grandma and grandpa, as well as her dad. She didn’t want our family, she wanted hers. She didn’t listen to my parents and rejected their parenting. This is what started to make my parents snap. I understand it was hard for them, but now that I’m older, I get it. She was a little girl who wanted her family. But they took her rejection very seriously and were constantly unhappy with her and made sure she knew it. Children not listening immediately was newer to them as my brother and I both did pretty much whatever they asked, and they did not take well to being told “no” by a child. 8 months after living with Ally, she was taken in by her grandparents to live with them and her sisters. The next day, my parents took my brother and I on a small trip. I’m not sure if it was to cheer us up or to celebrate. I was quite sad though- I had started to really care about Ally and had convinced myself that “God would take care of things” and I would have a sister. But I was angry- God took someone away from me and I was doing everything right. Why was he punishing me? Nothing made sense. Yet, only a year later, my parents were considering taking in another child. I wanted nothing to do with it- God had already taken one sibling away from me. I couldn’t do it again. In the end, I agreed and soon became attached to this little boy, who was two when we met him. This was Scott. I immediately became attached- and I love this kid more than I can describe- he’s my little brother and I would do anything for him.
This is where things start to go further downhill. Scott has a lot of trauma and mental issues, one of those issues being oppositional defiant disorder. That basically means that listening to any form of authority is near impossible for him, and causes him to lash out and act younger than he is. This is probably due to a number of reasons, as he was severely neglected and abused as an infant and his birth mother was on several different substances while pregnant with him, to the point where he was born high on several illegal drugs. He was left in a car seat for most of his infant life, so the back of his head is slightly flattened due to this. My parents are very obedient/disciplined-based parents, so his behavior rocked their world. In my opinion, the way they handled things with Scott was borderline abusive. There were several occasions where he would say he hated them (as young children do when they're mad) and they would flip. Telling him that if he didn’t want them that was fine. They didn’t need him. He could run back to his other parents, but his mom was in jail and his dad didn’t want him, so good luck with that. If we were in the car when this happened, they would threaten to leave him on the side of the road and good luck finding his way home. Once my mother literally pulled to the side of the road, placed him outside the car and started driving so he would “think they would leave him if his actions didn’t change,” but she turned around to get him. Because they would “never actually abandon or hurt him,” their actions were justified and perfectly fine. They would tell him he was acting like a baby when he started to cry and scream. “Little baby Scott, do you need a diaper?” Is how they would tease him when he became older, which just made his tantrums worse. They would tell him how disappointed they were with him and that he should be ashamed of himself and the way he acted because they gave him everything. They would call him, to his face, “an ungrateful manipulative piece of shit.” Because according to my parents, he could control his actions 100% and was choosing to act out to make their lives difficult. While I understand that this was hard for them, in my opinion, this in no way excuses their behavior. One time, Scott was crying and was upset (who knows why, but the kid had a lot of trauma and mental issues so it didn’t bother me too much), and my mother picked him up and put him in his room. She told him that every time he tried to leave his room, she would take away one of his stuffed animals. (He had several that he loved very much). Because this sounded so terrible to him, he ran after her trying to say it wasn’t fair. So she went into his room and took a stuffed animal. This cycle continued while he cried and begged for her to stop, because he just didn’t get it that she was going to keep doing this over and over and his trying to convince her was making it worse. Eventually, there were none left, and she told him if he didn’t stop crying she was going to throw them all away. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I do know that several of them were thrown away, if not at that time than others. There are many other instances of things like this and worse occurring, but we’d be here for a while if I tried to recount them all. Moving forwards to closer when I was moving out-
Now, several years later, when I turned sixteen, I had come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. This went against everything my family was for, and I knew exactly how they viewed queer people. So, I started learning about different branches of Christianity and felt like I knew a God who loved me as I was and was happy in my decision to switch denominations. (My parents were baptists, and I wanted to be non-denominational). A few months after this, I decided to tell my parents the truth. I had done my best to give them hints, but I wanted to be honest with them because I trusted that they would love me and be there for me no matter what. When I told them I wanted to talk to them about something, they pushed and pressed and I had been trying to wait to talk to them until the next day. I had been seeing my high school counselor, and she suggested giving them a heads-up before springing that conversation up on them. However, after telling them to wait, they went through my phone and saw that I had researched different denominations and read different sermons on queer-accepting faith. They were livid. To be clear- I had a friend over while this was happening. We were watching a movie and joking about how I lost my phone and couldn’t show them this picture I wanted to. Then, I was called upstairs. I had apparently betrayed my parents and, “how could I do this to them, when I had someone over?” My father demanded I send my friend home, but my mother convinced him for one more hour. I was told not to tell my friend anything they had said and to act like things were fine, but I couldn’t. I went back downstairs where we were hanging out and started sobbing. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Everything was over- and the people I thought would love me no matter what made me so afraid and sad, I was completely broken. My friend did their best to comfort me and even felt weary to leave me alone with my family but I told them I’d be okay, and asked that they update our friends about the situation. That night was hellish. So many conversations, them trying to understand what I felt, but not taking me particularly seriously either. That night turned into weeks of books, slideshows, conversations, and prayers. It felt like at-home conversion therapy. Eventually, I was given a choice “put my convictional flag in the ground or loose their trust.” As the petrified 16 year old, I chose to lie. I put my “flag” in the ground and did my best to, “earn back their trust” and repair their reputation that I had tarnished. The next couple months were a blur. I felt so terrible about myself. I didn’t know what I thought or believed and I became extremely hyper anxious and depressed. I had lost all sense of privacy and I did trust my parents further than I could toss them. My 17 year old brother (he was 14 at the time, let’s call him James) was 100% on board with my parents. My life felt like a living nightmare. My parents had it so that all my texts sent or received from my phone would go directly to theirs, so I couldn’t even confide in my friends without getting into trouble (which had happened and was how I found out that they did that because I deleted the texts immediately after sending/receiving things).. Everything felt like it was about me and how I needed to earn back their trust and how I was a terrible betrayer who they were not proud of in the slightest. I had gone to get a pixie cut (with their approval) and after they told me I was disgusting and repulsive and would never find a man to love me. I was heartbroken and felt so alone and unloved in my house, while I had to watch my younger brother be treated the way he was by my parents.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and our school counselor who had been there for me through everything. They showered me with support and love and made sure I had a safe space to exist and truthfully I think they’re the only reason I didn’t do anything drastic and am still here today. It was hard though because James went to the same school as me and would tell my parents if I was with anyone he knew was queer or queer accepting. This caused me to be very very paranoid about who I was with, when, where, etc. Constantly covering my tracks, having an excuse set up and ready to bolt if I saw anyone I knew. What made things equally hard is that the church my father works at is quite big in our area. So if someone from our church or someone who knew my family saw me with anyone they labeled as “queer” or “gay,” they would tell my family as well. For the most part, I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was constantly alert and on guard, even when I was asleep as my parents had woken me up before to confront me about someone I was friends with at school.
Fortunately for me, despite everything being such a mess, I am quite academically smart. I got a job the second I turned sixteen as I had heard the horror stories of queer kids being kicked out and wanted to be prepared. I had been saving money, taking college classes (we have a state program that pays for the classes while you’re in high school), and putting on a show for my family for quite some time. After saving some money, I paid my parents for an older car that they had paid off ten or so years ago. After my brother turned 16, he claimed it was too hard to share a car with me, so while I was away visiting a friend they bought him a car and told us that they expected each of us to pay them one thousand dollars before we graduated high school and that when we did so, they would sign over our respective cars to us. To be clear, I contributed to insurance and paid for my own gas, as well as contributing to my phone bill and money for food. Meanwhile, my brother had no job, and was constantly asking my parents for money to go out with friends. He had also taken up golfing, which as most people know is extremely expensive, and my parents funded everything. James had actually admitted to asking for more money than he needed and save the leftovers for whatever he wanted. I was also expected to chauffeur him to golf events and to get togethers with his friends, and my parents would in return give me some gas money. Another thing to note is that the only reason I was contributing to our phone bill is because James wanted unlimited data and my father said it was unreasonable unless we both contributed financially. I refused as I was trying to save money (as I would have with the car situation), however things per normal went James’s way. However, because he did not have a job, he was not expected to pay anything and would not be charged for the months and years that he did not contribute to. I did my best not to let these things get to me and to keep a level head. I paid my parents for the car because I already had over two thousand dollars saved as a seventeen year old high school student due to my hard work.
I focused on my classes and joined theater to help fill the hours in between school and work. I was much more active my sophomore year but when James also decided to join theater I retreated a bit as my once safe space to freely exist was no longer safe. I joined the stage crew but honestly that was also very enjoyable and lethargic for me and I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways, I was mostly a straight A student besides the stray Bs and one or two Cs (psychology and AP government screwed me over) and was working 15 or so hours a week. This is on top of my commitments to the church which were most of my Sundays and my Wednesday evenings. The funny thing is though- James missed more church than I ever did yet because my absence was because of work and not golf, I was the one consistently reprimanded for my lack of attendance and socialization whilst I was there. Yet because James could never do anything wrong and was a very extroverted person his lack of attendance wasn’t as serious as my own. I had one close friend through our church, let’s call her Grace (now 18F) and she actually knew about everything and was very supportive of me. I also had some other friends who really only showed up to church so I didn’t have to go through the torture alone which I don’t know if I could ever repay them for. Besides the people I was comfortable with though, I was pretty much a loner there and this heavily displeased my parents as it made them look bad and messed with their reputation. I never realized how much appearances meant to them until all of the shit that happened took place. As I mentioned before, our church is very conservative and traditional, and many sermons and lessons revolved around gender roles and the sinfulness of the world in terms fo the LGBTQ community. I consistently felt targeted because of my looks and my personality and stopped feeling comfortable there a very long time ago.
Now that more context is in place, fast forward to the end of my junior year. I had at this point finished all my high school requirements for graduation and was given an incredible opportunity to go to our local college full time for my senior year. I was very excited and happy because not only did it give me more freedom but it also meant I would get more than a year of my college education paid for by the state.
It was also around this time when I met my now boyfriend, let’s call him Dean. We were coworkers and had begun to get to know each other. We had a lot in common and while were different people personality wise, we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. By some miracle, I convinced my parents to allow me to hang out with him outside of work by claiming he was just a friend and saying that he was a Christian (which is by no means true). They were extremely skeptical but allowed us to hang out. We had an incredible time- and by the end of our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend which I happily accepted. I was so happy, but when I got home, things spiraled out of control. I told my parents about our time, and they were extremely unhappy as they felt fooled (which they were to be fair) and told me I was not allowed to see him ever again. I was devastated and they said a lot of very uncalled for things and but I understand why they were angry. To be clear, they knew I had a romantic interest in Dean and that this hangout was to see if we would be compatible partners and get to know each other better. They did not call it a date though because they weren’t comfortable with it, even if it was a date and they kinda knew it. So while they were on some level “fooled,” I feel that their anger and harshness wasn’t called for as they knew the intentions of our hanging out. The next morning my father demanded to see my phone. This is when I started to panic. You see, they had stop tracking my texts and I had openly flirted with Dean over text. Nothing that explicit and no photos of any kind. But the flirting would be enough for them to tear my world apart and I knew it. They had gone through my personal conversations before and made me feel terrible because of it and I refused to let them do it again. So I deleted everything. The entire conversation chain, I removed it from my phone 100%. My parents absolutely lost their shit. They had been manipulating and gaslighting me for years, doing anything and everything to keep their control and with my actions I showed them they couldn’t control me forever and things went very downhill. I lost all my privacy and was once again told how I had betrayed them and I was terrible and couldn’t be trusted. Again- I partially understand their anger here because I had directly disobeyed a command. But at the same time, I feel as a young woman I should be allowed some sense of privacy and the ability to talk to people without being constantly monitored. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and would happily do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be where I am today. Regardless of this, my life became a living hell once again, and my parents compared this to when I came out, “which was maybe the worst night of their lives.” They stripped me of all my privileges even if I didn’t have many to begin with. They made me feel absolutely miserable and awful about myself and I was monitored like never before. I would be working and receive texts upon texts of how I was so terrible and how could I do this to them because they had done everything for me and I’m a terrible daughter who should be ashamed of myself for the deceit and malicious nature of my actions. Again- this was because they could not read the messages between me and my now boyfriend. I understand them being mad but they took it to a completely inappropriate level. I shared everything happening with my friends and counselor and they supported me and assured me I did nothing wrong and they would be there for me which helped but as my home was now a living hellscape it was hard to hear it. I found a way to tell Dean about things and at first he felt guilty but I assured him that their actions were not his fault but theirs. He then asked me if I wanted to pause our relationship but I told him honestly that they had taken so many things I cared about over the years and I refused to let them take this. I did tell him however I understood if he didn’t want to put up with all the complicatedness of my family but he told me he cared for me and would be there so long as I was okay with it. He also told me if things ever got really bad at home, regardless of the fact we had just started dating, he had spoken to his family and they offered me a place to stay if I needed/wanted it. This really touched me, but I reassured him that it was not his job to offer that, but I appreciated the offer.
This begins our relationship and we were very happy. We had found a way to communicate over email, and we were able to hide our relationship with my family. Luckily for me, over the years I had made a habit of hanging out at the park by myself so it was not strange for me to head to the park for a couple of hours. There, I would leave my car and phone (my phone had a tracker on it) and Dean and I would hangout multiple times a week and it was heaven. At this point, we’ve only been dating for a year but I can admit without any doubt that I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. During the school year, it became easier for us to hang out in between classes as we both went to the same college (I am older for my year in school and he is younger, so he was a sophomore in college while I was a senior in high school. However, we are barely a year apart in age for anyone who is concerned). However, in order for us to communicate and hang out, I had to be extremely diligent and was consistently covering my tracks while “once again, earning my parents trust and repairing our relationship.” Because of course their actions were completely justified and I was the one in the wrong, per normal. Anyways, every day, I was editing search histories, erasing messages, and looking over my shoulder. Our church had a program on campus where Dean and I went to school, so being together in public was risky as my father’s friends and coworkers were always on campus and I knew I would be screwed if we were caught together. We had a couple of close calls over the months but it was all worth it because I hadn’t been that happy in years.
Now, to the day I left and why. You see, my parents' behavior towards Scott was becoming more aggressive and worse over time. They also had, in my opinion, a drinking problem. Considering they didn’t deny it when I called them out, they may agree. They would behave more hostile after several drinks and it was happening so consistently I was constantly walking on eggshells. Between the way they treated Scott, the way they treated me and the constant stress I was under trying to balance my life in fear of the repercussions, things became too much. When things weren’t going to shit, I was consistently expected to either babysit my brother and do chores while being a full time college student and working a part time job WHILE attending church multiple times a week and keeping up with my responsibilities as a senior. This is on top of the stress my parents' behavior caused, meanwhile James was expected to do almost nothing in comparison. Don’t get me wrong- he didn’t do anything, but he had almost no responsibilities outside of school and his extracurriculars which were exclusively funded by my parents. Yes he helped with dishes during the week and would keep his space tidy. But as my schedule became much more flexible due to my school schedule, my expectations around the house became much higher than his. Even though I paid 200 a month on gas, 50 a month for insurance and 50 a month for the phone bill, and he paid nothing for his car, insurance, phone, gas, nothing. So you would think he would be expected to help in the house more but no. Also, James’s behavior towards Scott mimicked my parents and so all babysitting responsibilities fell on me as they couldn’t be trusted alone together. I was rarely if ever paid for my cleaning or babysitting services as it was my responsibility as their eldest child. They would also consistently judge me for my weight, cloths, hair, hobbies, etc. Why did I think it was a good idea to get fast food? I clearly didn’t need it. They would “outfit check me” to make sure the outfits I wore were feminine enough because the way I look effected their reputation and I couldn’t be trusted. I was not allowed to cut my hair after their tantrum over it. As for my hobbies, I stopped playing sports in middle school as I am very short (currently 5 foot even) and was unable to keep up with my peers. However my interest in video games and cartoons wasn’t feminine enough and they proceeded to compare me to my best friend Grace because she was skinnier and liked more feminine things than I did which hurt a lot. Another thing for context, I have PCOS. It’s an endocrine disorder that heavily effects your metabolism and hormones, which in turn severely effected my weight, however my parents never acknowledged it and again made everything my fault. So from what I wore, what I ate, who I hung out with and what I enjoyed doing was constantly criticized, scrutinized and eventually controlled by my family for years. On top of everything else, I was done. I was 18, I had resaved the thousand I paid my family and knew I was at a place where I didn’t need them and was tired of being treated like shit. So I left.
The night I moved out was a total shit show. I had rallied Dean and my other friend, let’s call them Rita (18NB), and they helped me form a plan. When I returned home, Dean and Rita would be on their way. I would pack everything that belonged to me or I felt they would let me take, and prep the bags outside. After Rita arrived I went to try and explain to my parents that I would be leaving and explain calmly why. In a perfect world, we would have had a long deep talk, and things would have ended alright. That is far, far from what happened. They immediately starting screaming, and took my phone and car keys as both belonged to them, which I calmly handed over. Rita was there for emotional support, and put themselves between me and my parents as they got more angry and seemed to be turning aggressive. After that, my father called the police and claimed that there was an intruder in their home trying to take their child. Yeah. Complete bullshit- which to this day I’m surprised they were never charged with falsifying a 911 call. They screamed at Rita to get out of their home and was screaming that I was throwing away everything and I needed to reconsider. I ignored them and attempted to calmly walk out, and my parents attempted to barricade the doors while harassing Rita to leave. Because Rita is incredible and one of my closest friends now, they refused to leave without me which was very calming. While my parents were distracted yelling at them, I slipped out through the garage. My mother saw this and then grabbed me, attempting to drag me inside by my arm. Rita saw this and assisted me in getting her off me, and after doing so we continued to walk towards Dean’s car where he was waiting for us. He figured it would be best if my family didn’t see him for the time being as they would definitely lose their minds at seeing his face. My parents continued screaming and then the cops arrived. They were quite confused at first because they had been sent to deal with a potential kidnapping, only to see two grown adults throwing a tantrum because their adult child didn’t want to live with them anymore. That night was honestly so insane I could write three more pages about everything they said and did. The most notable events were first when my mother tried to explain to the police that because I was her child, she was allowed to put her hands on me, which they humorously informed her was not the case. The next was when James came home from theater rehearsal, to which my parents told them that I was abandoning our family. He was an emotional wreck through all of it, and to this day has told me that until I “fix” things with our parents he is not okay with having any form of relationship with me. Throughout all of this Scott was in his room, and I was allowed to give him one last hug before leaving. The final and most notable thing, was as the cops allowed my boyfriend, Rita and I to leave, my father threatened violence towards my boyfriend and accused him of "taking advantage of his underage daughter," which is just ridiculous as we are practically the same age, and anything we had done together was consensual and reserved for after I turned 18. Another thing my parents did was go through each bag I had packed and took everything they felt belonged to them, including the laptop provided to me by my high school, which they hilariously were made to give back to me several days later as it was not theirs and they had no right to take it. They tried claiming they were giving it to me out of the kindness of their hearts, but that bullshit meant nothing as after I informed the school of their behavior, the school assured me they would be made to give it back. Another thing they threatened to do as I left was pull me out of high school, which I was assured by the police they were not capable of doing as I was 18. The police were for the most part annoyed with my parents, tired of their bs and told me I seemed to be a capable young woman and wished me the best of luck. My parents had tried to ask the police to say I was mentally unstable for the time being so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave, as their “she’s still in high school” excuse didn’t do anything. You see, as my father is an influential church figure and had friends in the police force, he thought they would be on his side but was sorely mistaken as the chief told him they wouldn’t be doing him any favors. And with that, I was free.
My boyfriend's family has been nothing but unconditionally kind and supportive and have accepted me as part of their family which has been a huge blessing in all of this. I am in contact with my father’s sister and his father, my aunt and grandpa, and as I have expressed my unhappiness at home, they are supportive of me as well. However, as my aunt lives further away and my grandpa is not in the best place to have me live with him, I have been with my boyfriend's family since I left home in October. I have a lot more I could say but I already feel like there are way too many parts here and so for now I’ll leave it at this. So yeah, AITA for moving out after I was treated like shit for years while witnessing the mistreatment of my sibling?

Note any and all names mentioned have been changed in hopes to keep anonymity. If you’re one of my friends IRL and figure it out - mind your business because you know all this lol
This is just a highlight of stories of my FMIL. Not serious in comparison to most stories, but this is also the continuing story of a man realizing who his mother is. It’s 4am, I’m supposed to be asleep. There are more serious ones, but I can’t remember them. Well, I choose not to because 4am Rage is not useful.
Background: my hubs to be and I haven’t been together that long. We knew going into our relationship that we were dating with a purpose - and at nearly 30 (at the time) we were done with the games. Talked about marriage almost from day 1 and expectations. He complained about his mom being a bitch and it held the “she can drive me nuts but I love her” vibes and his grandmother kept her in check (🚩). Telling her when she was being unfair to him - sadly we lost Grams a little over a year ago. With her passing, he lost his greatest advocate in the family.
So. Story times:

1. At my bridal shower she walked up to another guest (L) - I introduced them, and she goes “Oh! You’re the Better Greg’s wife” L covered her shock quickly, laughs it off as she’s his gf and then we have an eyeball conversation. L and I are involved with men who are besties and share a first name. She texts her Greg. Tells him. He texts my Greg “Your mom even knows who the better Greg is” (this is in line with their relationship as friends and is not an actual sentiment because he was in fact mad at her.) Now, my Honey is on the phone with his mom as she is on her way home. Confronts her about her statement “I would never say something like that” “Mom, my friends wouldn’t make that up.”
   
2. She got mad at him because he’s choosing to spend the night with his groomsmen instead of in a hotel with her and his dad. “Because it’s his last night being theirs.” Pardon? Is he dying? He told his dad this story and he goes “that’s how she views it, but in my mind I’m gaining a daughter not losing my son.” (Thanks FIL. There’s a reason you’re the favorite)
   
3. She constantly uses Chemo-Brain as an excuse for the things she says, so much that it’s her son’s excuse for her now. To which I remind him that her therapy ended five years ago and medical journals suggest that it diminishes over time. She uses it as a reason for why she’s a bitch.
   
4. As Grams is dying of ALS, she says “it would mean a lot to Grams if she could see you two get married.” Grams would never have said that because until the week she died, she was not one to burden people. To top it off, Grams would openly have said that to us. She didn’t hide her opinions or wishes from her grandson. They were best friends. MIL just wanted to have her mom see the first of her grandchildren get married. Do we wish that Grams was here? Every day. We talked in length about if this was something that we wanted to do as a couple. We chose not to and we have no regrets.
   
5. She is a LPC and constantly offers that if “he would just let [her] treat him then [she] could fix him.”
   

Holy Conflicts of Interest, Batman. That is expressly forbidden in our state’s rules for licensed professional counselors. It should also just be innately clear.
Second. He’s not broken. He does have some issues, but it is his choice on how he works through it. And it’s my responsibility to help him to the best of my abilities, but I can’t force him to.

1. Constantly asks Hubs what his life plan is. He was going to be a career military man but due to an injury he’s out. It’s been extremely difficult to help him find a career path because he’s not meant to be an office guy. He likes Blue Collar work. He liked the oil field, but that’s not a consistent field. Right now, he has a job. That’s honestly all I need from him. Have job, pay bills, be my partner, and help with the house.

That is not enough. He needs a career with clear steps of advancing. An ultimate goal. Damn it, Susan. Can we just appreciate stability in this economy?

1. All conversations about Greg have the feeling of “I love him, but” she cannot say a nice thing about him without a caveat. Yet, I can do almost no wrong. (Didn’t expect that curve ball did you?) I helped Grams when she was sick, because in my family people who are important to my partner are important to me. I was raised by a nurse, and acts of service and care are second nature to me. Plus, Grams was utterly amazing and I quickly grew to love her. Since then, if they were Catholic - she’d canonize me in a heartbeat.
   
2. The worst part of this: He is now seeing how unsupportive his mom is, because of how supportive I am and my family is. We support him with love and respect, and will make suggestions, not demands. It’s never “I love you, but…” It is “I love you.” No caveats, no rules. He realized his biggest cheerleader is dead. He knows he has my family, but he wants his own mom to do this too.
   
3. She constantly says “you can still back out of this marriage” to me. It sounds like a joking tone, but she’s waiting for Greg to “mess this up.” With an implied “like he usually does.” Ma’am, I will not be backing out. I have paid too much money and love this ding dong. I’m keeping him.
   

I have told him for a while now that after we say “I do.” I will not be holding my tongue as tightly as I have been. Right now, I peace keep because it’s easier for him. He watched me fume when we’re on the phone with her and she starts on him. Once we’re married, we are legally family. I already claim him as family. I am protective of what is mine.
As I say frequently: I wake up and choose not to be a super villain every day. I could manipulate and be awful. However, I don’t like the consequences of being a super villain. So I don’t.
But if you hurt what is mine, gloves come off.

EPISODE 1: THE HELLBOUND HEART
"Dimidere meum amatum." used by Sabrina to release Nick trapped in a rock.
"Claudere portas mortis." used by Sabrina to close the gates of hell.
"Sigils vicissim, sigils apertas." used by Sabrina to open the gates of hell.
"Oh, Unholy Dark Lord, take my soul and do with it as thou wilt, as I will do with my flesh on Earth. Praise Satan." prayer to the Dark Lord.
"Through me, pass into the unholy kingdom. Through me, pass into the city of fear. I am the gate for the lost and forsaken. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." used by Sabrina to open a portal to hell.
"Qui affecto protego, mixtisque iubas serpentibus et posteris meis stirpique." used by Sabrina to protect uncle Jesse from being attacked by crows in hell.
"Salt of earth and salt of ocean, I call on you to stop his motion. Iron seize and joints grasp, mortis in a rusting grasp." used by Sabrina to stop the woodsman in hell.
"Here I sit, a humble beseecher, rid us of this infernal teacher." used by Sabrina to escape principal Hawthorne in hell.
"Hail Lilith, full of disgrace, cursed are you amongst women. And cursed is the fruit of thy womb. Demons, you fled the garden, where the weak ones dwelled and did not live in shame. Unholy Lilith, mother of night, pray for us sinners now and at the witching hour of our death. Praise Madam Satan." prayer to Lilith.
"Ibi locum non sicut domum. Ibi locum non sicut domum. Ibi locum non sicut domum." used by Sabrina, Harvey, Theo and Roz to return to earth from hell.
EPISODE 2: DRAG ME TO HELL
"I call upon the watery guardians of the west. Place of endings, of the coming darkness. I cast out the Devouring Worm, meal of the Deep One. And offer unto thee a fresh feast of witches' blood, if you rise. Rise, Deep One, and feed!" used by Blackwood to summon the old one.
"Audi vocem meu. Audi vocem meu. Audi vocem meu." used by Sabrina to contact with Lucy through one of her pinwheel.
"Lanuae magicae." used by Sabrina and the other witches to teleport
"Ball of fire, ball of flame, gather for me bright and plain." used by Sabrina try to generate flame.
EPISODE 3: HEAVY IS THE CROWN
"L'khu Leeshohn Akhshav." used by Herod to put Ambrose to sleep.
"Angustos in via!" used by Sabrina to close the door of the Tunnel of Love.
"Ad quos eieci te ad infernum daemonium." used by Nick to stop Herod.
"Explodere Centena Millia." used by Ambrose to explode Herod.
"Siuil linn a duine uaine. Gods of old. Néallta fola. Siuil linn aduine uaine. Let this blood bring us bounty Let the green one be reborn. Gods of old. Let his blood bring us bounty. Let the green one be reborn." the Pagans' prayespell to rebirth the Green Man.
EPISODE 4: THE HARE MOON
"Metamorfóste, sto ónoma tis Aráchnis." used by Circe to transform Hilda into spider.
"Mystic forces we invite, fill the skies with clouds of night. Be ye far or be ye near, we summon rain to appear. Sky above, gone the sun, melodies just begun. Sky above, come undone, shower rain on everyone." used by Spellmans to summon rain to Try to Make the Pagans Leave but Failed.
"Coven sisters, brothers, as you know, tonight we honor the Hare Moon, for the Hare Moon is special. It's the nexus point of all the magical calendars where witches celebrate renewal. And tonight, tonight, your Hare Moon is full once again. And its light shines on you, and you drink it in and claim your power and feel it. Feel it on your skin. Mother moon, in the fullest of your form, we ask that you bless us with your gifts, your energies. As you ripen like a babe in the belly, make us whole again, make our magicks multiply in the spirit of the hare. We offer you our bodies, anointed in celestial essence, that we may become vessels of your energies." Hilda's prayer to the Hare Moon.
"Hail, Selene, attend now our tune. Darken your daughter, our night lamp, the moon. Piece by piece, and slice by slice. As they go down, let the moon be consumed." used by the Pagans to Eat the moon to Get rid of The Hare Moon
EPISODE 5: THE DEVIL WITHIN
"Bestow your gaze upon this land of prophecy. Back to the time of Anno Domini." used by Sabrina to go back in time to the ancient Judaea.
"Ibi locum non sicut domum." used by Sabrina to return to the modern days.
"Stones of old, hear our incantation, deliver thus our invitation. We call forth the covenless witches of the forests, the banished, the exiled, the disenfranchised witches who dwell in caves. All are called upon. All are summoned. Hear us and answer our call. Lungere nobis covina." used by the coven to summon the hedge witches To Help them With the Pagans.
EPISODE 6: ALL OF THEM WITCHES
"Aphrodite, fair and mighty, take this form of fixed stone, and turn her back to flesh and bone. As below, so above I yield to you my truest love." used by Harvey to turn Roz back to flesh the Pygmalion's spell.
"Sororibus, audire vocationem nostram. Sororibus, audire vocationem nostram. Sororibus, audire vocationem nostram." used by hedge witches to transfer their powers to Sabrina For Them to Capture Circe
"These bodies petrified in stone, return them please to flesh and bone." used by Circe to turn Roz and Dorcas back to flesh.
EPISODE 7: THE JUDAS KISS
"Goddess Terpsichore, Mother of Dance. We offer you muses, enchant them with trance. Let body and movement and spirit romance. Your powers to our coven, dark magicks enhance." used by the coven to transfer powers from the cheerleaders.
"With these words, I seek Vlad the immortal. Open to me this hidden portal." used by Sabrina to teleport to the Vlad's tomb To Obtain The Third Unholy Regalia. Judas Iscariot's 30 Peices of Silver.
"Nostra versa loca." used by Caliban to switch and trap Sabrina in the rock.
EPISODE 8: SABRINA IS LEGEND
"Et aperi oculos tuos." used by Sabrina to wake up Sabrina
"Secret window, secret door, open wide, and show me more." used by Sabrina to open the locker containing the unholy regalia.
"Claudat ostia." used by Sabrina to close the door.
"Aperti ianuam." used by Sabrina to open the door.
"Dei tempus, sit nobis reddere, iter recipere, ut heri." Used by Sabrina to Go back in Time to Save Everyone
"We call you, Hecate. We call on you now, maiden, in your unbounded potential. We call on you, mother, in all your divine power. We call on you, crone, in your arcane wisdom. We are descended of all maidens, mothers, and crones. And so, when we call on the three-in-one, we call on all witches stretching back from the beginning of time to the end of days. We call on ourselves, the powers that have been denied us. Imbue us with them, Hecate, and we shall pray to you morning, noon, and night. And we shall live to honor thy three faces, thy three forms. Dark mother, keeper of the key to the door between worlds, we summon thee. Return our sister Hilda to the realm of the living, and we will never forget you again!" Zelda's Ressurection Prayer to Hecate.
"Néallta fola. Siuil linn aduine uaine. This virgin's blood is your bounty. Néallta fola. Her virgin's flesh for your seed. Arise, green one. Néallta fola. Siuil linn aduine uaine. Arise and take back the Earth!" used by pagans to resurrect the Green Man.
"Clear your mind, clear your heart, let these painful thoughts depart." used by Sabrina to clear Mary's mind For her to Forget The Spellmans Were Ever Witches.
. . . . . . . . .
Thank you For Reading this Soon I'll Make a Season 4 or Season 1 and 2

I posted this once in here already but I think I was being too vague with the details out of fear I’ll be exposed and it corrupt my family even more. I don’t care if it does at this point. I’m tired of this ghost haunting me. Please allow me to retell my situation.
For this I will be refraining from using any real names. My step mother - Karen. Her brother — Judd. My mother’s best friend — Annalise. My mom and dad will just be called mom and dad.
My parents aren’t together. They really never were.. Young when they had me. I lived with my mom until I was 14 years old. I had every other weekend and one weekday visitation with my dad. He lived with my grandparents and his siblings. He worked a lot so I usually spent my time with them. I didn’t mind, though. I love them with my entire heart. They are who raised me with the most kindness and who I felt most loved by. I was always closest to them growing up.
My dad married my step mom, Karen, when I was 12 years old. They had been together since I was 8 years old. They had a house together and I went to his house for visitation instead of my grandparents. I silently cried the first time we passed by their house and didn’t stop. I didnt want my dad to think I didn’t want to spend time with him. I did. My routine had just changed after many years and I missed my grandparents.
Karen never liked me. She used to bad mouth me when I was 8 years old to her co-workers just because my dad would want to spend a day with me a week instead of her. I later found out because I worked at her old job when I was 16 and people who worked with her and were friends with her told me. She always made me feel like I was just a kid she had to put up with in order to date my dad.
Karen and my dad are 5 years apart, my dad being older. When I was 8 she was 20. She didn’t have any kids of her own but was married before and divorced. I was a good kid for the most part growing up. I had a single mother raising me and a dad I seen once a week. I had my troubles here and there, but for the most part I was good.
I primarily lived with my mom until 14 years old. I moved in with my dad, Karen, Judd, and 2 siblings at the time (the youngest was born 2 years later). I looked at Judd as my older brother. He is 4 or 5 years older than me. I really don’t remember his birth year and don’t care to remember. Judd lived with my dad and Karen because Karen and Judds parents both passed away young. So my dad and Karen raised him basically since they got together. So we all grew up together as a family. Karen was always a control freak and Judd got in my nerves as big brothers do. For example, Karen would make us towel dry the shower when we finished. I don’t understand why but we had to.
Because my dad was so busy with his job I had to step up to be a parent for my younger siblings. I helped bathe, feed, put them to sleep, everything. I missed out on a childhood for the most part because I had to step up. Even my sophomore year of high school I couldn’t stay with my cheerleading squad at an overnight event because I needed to be home early to take care of the kids. It was exhausting.
Judd moved out and got a house the next street over. We had a semi-close relationship. I went t and helped him paint and move his stuff. We hung out together. He was the big brother I always wanted. Karen and I grew closer since we spent a lot of time together and I even wanted her to adopt me one year for Christmas.
When I was 17 and he was 21 or 22 (I don’t remember but he was old enough to buy alcohol) he asked if I wanted to drink with him at my house cause no one else would. I said yes as any other 17 year old who has to raise kids and work 2 jobs would. We’ve drank together before. I was allowed to at home as long as I didn’t leave. We drank a little and he got another 6 pack of beer and we drank a little more. He asked me to drive him home since I wasn’t as drunk as him and it was right around the corner. I did. I won’t go into any further detail about this night but that’s when/where I got SA’d was after driving him to his house. I had texted my best friend and deleted all evidence it happened because my dad had access to my social medias and phone at any given time. Which I regretted.
Judd texted me the next morning and said “did we uh-“ and responded “yes and I told you no.” And he responded “way to make me out to be the bad guy. Don’t tell anyone about this” and I don’t think I responded. I was scared our family would fall apart if I did. Karen was babysitting his child and that was her only income since she was a stay at home mom. My dad looked at him like a son and I didn’t want to ruin our family. So I held on to that burden.
It happened in July. I was struggling that week with it and I was under so much pressure from Karen (who had no idea I was fighting these demons) with other things in life that I attempted suicide. My dad made me go out of state with him for his business and I was technically grounded but it was the best punishment I could’ve ever received. I loved my dad’s business and getting that one on one with him even if I was “grounded”. I decided to continue keeping it to myself because it had been a couple weeks and I thought; who’s going to believe me now?
Judd was active in our daily lives. I just went into my room when he was over or asked to go to a friends house. I barely talked to him. My dad and Karen never noticed for months. One day I woke up from a nap on the couch and he was sitting next to me since there were no other spots open. I woke up and ran to my room basically. I had it. I didn’t feel safe and I was tired of hiding my pain. In October I confessed to my step mom before school one day. She told me she could set me up with counseling but otherwise nothing she could do since that was her brother and she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ll never forget her saying that. I didn’t want to confess because my thoughts of “who would believe me?” became facts and reality. I held off for a couple weeks until he was at our house when I came home from work and I freaked out. I turned my car around and was going to run away but instead came home and basically yelled at her for continuing to allow him in the home everyday since I told her. My dad was confused and I didn’t fill him in. Instead I ran into my room and locked it. He tried to talk to me but I wasn’t talking. I regret that now. Things could’ve gone so differently had I talked to my dad. He left me alone and went back to Karen. He told her I said it was okay to tell him, which I never did. Now, I have no idea what she said to him. I do know he was convinced I cried wolf. He was convinced Judd and I had a relationship and that Judd cut me off so I cried wolf. I couldn’t believe it.
I had my car taken from me since it used to be Judds. I spent the next week at school and I would walk to another city for work since I had no vehicle. I spent every second I could away from home. I picked up as many extra shifts as I could and was struggling. On a Thursday my dad asked me to mow the lawn since that’s the day I was assigned to do it every week. When I finished my dad was mad I unfriended them on Facebook because they were ignoring me but sharing and tagging Judd in things. He screamed at me in the front yard calling me a liar and I ran in the house packed what I could carry and ran away to my moms.
I told my mom and step dad (we can call him Larry) what happened. Larry actually worked with Judd at the time and he was irate. He didn’t want to even go to work. My mom was a mess crying with me. The cops showed up as I was a runaway and they took me to the local police station. I refused to go back with my dad. They said I’d have to sit in a juvenile center for up to 30 days to wait for a judge and my dad was all for it until they said he’d have to pay $100 a day I was there. I was able to leave with my mom and I cut off all contact after that. I had to file a report of the SA and get an OP. I did and no charges were ever filed because the cops said my stories weren’t the same when I told them. I had evidence on my text messages but they said they didn’t want to go back months and look for his confession. I’ve hated the police since.
When I went no contact it basically included the rest of the family. They were neutral. They didn’t say they didn’t believe me but they also allowed him at holidays and didn’t want to upset my dad. I went very low contact with them for my sake. I didn’t attend any holidays for 5 years and never seen them. They were my entire life. That family was my rock. And now I didn’t have them. I was a devastated 17 year old. My mom and I didn’t get along the best when we lived together and I moved out at 18 with my best friend. She died in a car accident 2 months after we lived together. My best friend has witnessed everything in my life. She was there for it all. She even went on family vacations with us when I lived with my dad. I loved her. She was my platonic soulmate. I was again broken. I turned to drugs and alcohol. I was a good 115 pounds when wet. I wasn’t okay. I started dating my now husband a few months after her death and we ended up living in his parents house shortly after.
In February of 2018 my great grandmother passed away. My grandma contacted me to ask me to drop the restraining order so Judd can be a paul bearer like my great grandma wished him to be. I don’t know if she knew everything that happened. I thought on it and decided to drop it out of the same as it was her dying wish. That was the first time I seen them in 2 years. Not much was said at all between us the entire time. After the funeral, I went on with my life as it was before with out them.
Fast forward to 2020 and my boyfriend (now husband — we can call him Trent) broke up and I moved to another state. I was there and it wasn’t working out for me. After 9 months I asked my grandma if I could move in with her since I had no where else to go. She happily said yes and they brought me home. All I asked was that Judd was not to be in the house at any time or ever while I lived there for safety of myself. She agreed and there wasn’t an issue. Karen was so angry with my family that they didn’t ask her permission and went low contact for a long time.
Shortly after my dad and Karen separated. My dad was moving in with us. We talked for the first time and cried and apologized how everything went down. He did say he didn’t believe nor disbelieved what happened. I was just happy to have my dad back I didn’t care. We had a great summer together and rekindled our relationship although nothing was ever the same. He ended up getting back with Karen on Thanksgiving. I cried and threw a fit and asked my family to just give me one holiday with just them since this was the first one in 5 years I got to spend with them. They all agreed and when I left they invited Karen for the remainder of Thanksgiving. After that I stayed kind to Karen. I never come shouldered her when holidays came and I tried my best to keep peace. I had the guilt of already ruining many holidays I wanted everyone including myself happy.
I moved out of my grandmas and back in with Trent end of November 2022. My dad and Karen separated again January of 2023. They finalized their divorce in June of that year. She was viscous. She tried to ruin the relationship between my siblings and I as well as between my siblings and our dad. She did a good job with my oldest younger singling. He hated our dad for a while. I found out their marriage was struggling prior but when Trent and I got engaged in November of 2022 that was the straw that broke the camels back on their marriage. I had invited a woman Karen despised to our engagement party on Facebook. She seen and never discussed the situation with me or how it made her feel. I had forgotten almost everything about Karen. I couldn’t keep up with who she liked or disliked. She mainly hated everyone. She would talk really badly about my family and turn around happy to take whatever they gave or did for her. She was isolated and didn’t have many friends. She brought that upon herself. Now I invited Annalise and she was one of my mom’s best friends and watched me grow up. I loved her and wanted her apart of it. We only had to many seats for our wedding so everyone was invited to the engagement party to celebrate with us because we again couldn’t afford all the people we wanted there. Karen told my dad he needed to tell me she can’t be invited to the wedding (which Annalise wasn’t) or she wouldn’t go. He said he wasn’t going to tell me who can/cant be at my own wedding. She didn’t like that and said she wasn’t going and if he did she would divorce him. He chose divorce.
Again, none of this was ever brought to my attention before they split up. I would’ve happily arranged times for everyone to be at the party so everyone including myself could be happy. I mean I dropped a whole restraining order against her brother for heavens sake at 19 years old, facing my assaulter and she couldn’t just talk to me? She blamed me for their divorce which is why she was so viscous towards me.
Things happened in Trent and I’d relationship and we postponed our wedding.
At my brothers 8th grade graduation she made a scene because I was there stating I didn’t need to even be there. She wouldn’t even let my sister turn around to wave at me during. I raised those children before I ran away. I loved them with my entire heart. Nothing will change that. I will always show up. I showed up to my sisters basketball and cheerleading games. i always showed up when I could. She hated it. She went as far as convincing them I was on drugs. They didn’t believe it. I was always transparent with them. Everything besides why I left. They were too young to be told and still are. I never bad mouthed their mom the entire time. That’s their mother and nothing will change it.
One day she even told my siblings she was going to get an OP against me, including them, because I picked my youngest brother up next door from their house to go to the movies for his birthday. She wasn’t even home and that’s where they get off the bus after school. I didn’t even touch any of their property and my dad was in a car behind me to get my other siblings.
She’s just very… viscous.
Everything was going good for the most part. I got to see my dad multiple times a week and my siblings at least once a week when they came for their visitation days.
2 days before Easter 2024 I was called to my grandmothers house and she told me my dad and Karen are living together. It came out of the blue. I cried. I hate her. I hate everything she has said and did to not only me but my dad and my siblings. I didn’t know what to do. I expressed how I won’t be attending holidays if she’s there. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t stay peaceful when I wish she would just disappear with out it hurting my siblings. I haven’t really talked to my dad besides a couple of exchanged texts. He didn’t even show up for Easter because he had to work.
Now with that being said Trent and I decided to elope. I didn’t want her involved in anything as well as I didn’t want to ruin their relationship again. We didn’t tell anyone not even our parents and got married on the best day. The only time I seen my father since he got back with Karen happened to be the day after Trent and I got married and it was by chance. I was at my grandmothers telling them about it and I told him too. He was happy for us. I invited him to our wedding party in July and he’s not able to attend because he’s taking Karen and the kids somewhere else and have had it planned. I don’t mind that much besides I wish my dad and siblings to be there but it’s an open invitation and Annalise has already stated she’ll be there.
I guess after all this guilt and trying to keep the peace I’m unsure what to do. I thought about low contact with my dad. It’s basically what it is now. My siblings still come visit my grandmother once a week and I’m able to see them. But if I disrupt Karen in any way shape or form I know she’ll withhold them from being able to go to my grandmothers with out her there or even not letting them at all and cutting her off. I don’t want that for my siblings or for my grandma as she is aging. I just don’t know what to do at this point… so… I guess I need some advice and confirmation whether or not I’m the AH in this situation…

TW- talks of self harm, family death, violence.
(Please ignore any typos / grammar mistakes)
I’m sitting here in bed eating a Hershey pie I got from burger king, I sign my first of hopefully many Navy contracts on Wednesday. 5 days away. I’m about to start a new chapter in my life but I’ve been struggling to close the last chapter. I realize no one knows my story, my closest friends and family have no idea what all happened, and I suppose that’s partly my fault for not telling anyone. Either way, Im done hiding it, this is my story.
(If while reading this you ever see “side story” these are little moments that I felt the need to share but forgot about them, so I’m slowly adding them in but not too sure how to include them)
(All names are different from their real names)

 October 8th, 2005. I was born in Florida, I didn’t stay there long though, as a baby my family moved from Florida to Pennsylvania a hand full of times. Both of my parents were only 17. When I was 4 years old we lived in one of my grandfathers (dads side) houses, he owns 3 houses to this day, all right beside each other on the same piece of land. We were on our way home one day when my dad got pulled over, if I had a map I could pinpoint the exact location, we were less then 5 minutes from home. For context, my parents were both very big drug addicts, they did everything they could get their hands on. Cops around already knew that but couldn’t charge them with anything I guess. Anyway, we get pulled over, I don’t remember what all happened, I’ve been told that it was because the car’s registration wasn’t renewed. I remember standing a couple feet from the car, I had shorts and sneakers on, the gravel kept hitting my ankles, it stung. I was young so I didn’t fully process what was going on, my mom was on her knees right behind me, head on my back, hands on my shoulders, balling her eyes out, screaming, begging. I remember 2 cops putting my dad in handcuffs and pushing him into the back of the car. I can still picture the one cops face, I still know him. He’s retired now. My dad pushed back up to say I love you guys. I don’t remember what happened after, all I know is my dad was home either the next night or a couple nights after. All was well. I lived with both of my parents in my grandfathers spare house until I was 6 years old, the house had a really old wooden back and front porch, it was red brick, one story, 2 bed 1 bath, my room was pink and princess themed. my bed was placed in the middle of the room with like bed curtains that go up the ceiling. I remember I was scared of a witch standing behind me while I was sleeping. I had a big closet full of toys, I had a guitar that played “all girls just wanna have fun” my mom and I loved that song. we used to jump around and dance to it all the time. but the porch gave me big splinters, and my dad sold my toys. and my mom got a boyfriend, picked me up and we moved in with him. From ages 7-9 (maybe half a year longer) I lived with my mom, her boyfriend (his nickname is spanky) spanky’s mom (her nickname is gammy) and his niece (her name is bella) I went to my favorite school of all time when I lived here, everyone knew me, all my teachers loved me, and I had so many friends. 

I started cheerleading in this house, I was a flyer. I was never able to go flips and stuff though, I’m not very flexible but my coaches didn’t mind. gammy hated my mom, she didn’t think my mom was good enough for her son. which is valid, my mom was a addict, her son was a guy just trying to live a decent life. My mom used to cry in my arms about it. then hide in her room and smoke. I put myself to bed those nights. but this is the house I found my gaming addiction in, xbox360 days. minecraft was my everything. playing split screen with bella was always fun (and always a argument) but these are times I wouldn’t trade for the world. I would do anything to walk back into that small house, sit on the sofa with bella and play a survival world again like old times. I most definitely owe bella a lot of diamonds and chocolate bars from over the years. but then again, I was not their family. when I was 9 I spent the summer in Florida, I decided soon after that I wanted to live there, with my dad, and his side of the family. Side story- on my 8th birthday I had a small piece of cake, no presents. while I wasn’t upset over that, I was upset because bella had her friend over for a sleepover that night. they are 2/3 years older then me, of course the big kids didn’t wanna play with me. so I played by myself. I realize I might sound like a spoiled brat for saying that but it hurt me. I think about it still, 10 years later. Side context. My dad went to jail for a drug charge while I wasn’t living with him, I didn’t know about this until I was way older, but apparently my mother was with him at the time, and he took all the charges so that she could stay home with me. I moved to Florida at 9 years old, I moved in with my dad, his girlfriend (kimber) my aunt (Tracie) her boyfriend (chris) and their kid (mack) I shared a room with mack, she was 3/4 years younger then me. I’m the older one but I’ve always been so jealous of her. She has everything I’ve ever wanted. A mom, a dad. She even got my fathers attention more then I did. There’s photos and memories of them fighting in our dinning room, laughing, having fun, making memories. I don’t have anything like that with my father. My fathers always seemed to love and be there for other peoples kids more then his own. Kimber was, interesting. She tried so hard to be a mom to me, but in a bad way. she’s said so many cruel things to me (Ex- “if I was honest with you, you’d probably stop eating”) she was the only one to ever punish me, her punishments were always taking something away. she took my phone my grandmother (moms side) bought me, she wouldn’t let me go outside, no tv , no friends, school, homework, dinner, shower, bed. Every night. she once didn’t let me go to the last day of school because I’d “have too much fun” she used to threaten to take everything out of my room except for my bed and clothes. I hated reading, fun fact, reading really hurts my head, the words dance on the page and it gives me a headache, but she raised such a bored kid I used to hide flashlights and books under my blanket when I should of been sleeping. I used to get kids at my school to steal candy and stuff from Walmart for me. she would buy me paper and notebooks, I fell in love with writing , and she would read all of it while I was at school. she didn’t raise a good kid, she raised a sneaky, anger filled child with nothing to lose. Side story- when I was 11-12 I was walking around the house throwing up, could barely move, I felt like I was dying, they sent me to school. I looked so bad my teacher sent me to the nurses office twice, each time no one picked me up. my teachers let me sleep at my desk all day. my dad and kimber ended up taking me to a medexpress to “prove I’m lying” I had surgery that night. short time after my aunt and her family moved out, leaving just the 3 of us in the house. Kimber and my dad got married, got pregnant at the same time. And then my mom died. I think I was 12. We just came home from doing something we don’t usually do, we just got done with dinner, I was about to shower, when they said they needed to tell me something. I asked what it was, they didn’t say anything, but it was that look. As soon as they confirmed what I thought, not a second later, I put my dish in the sink and went to shower. I didn’t shower, I stood there. I thought a lot about what happened the last time I talked to my mom, I drilled her on the fact that she was a liar, that she hurt me, that she had to get off her ass and get her life together. I hope she knows I loved her. I love you mom. I would share my thoughts and story of her funeral, but those are mine, and I’d rather not share them at this moment. Kimber and my dad bought a house sometime after. my little sister was born. I had my own room, I remember the bathroom I used was full of cockroaches and I was extremely scared , I hated it. my bedframe was never built in this house, my father never wanted to do it. it’s almost like they knew I wouldn’t stay there long. There was a bed in the corner on the floor, a dresser on the wall, a small closet full of nothing useful, a small side stand by the bed with books and a camera. kimber watched everything I did. I wasn’t allowed to close the door either. I sat there and read the hunger games books over and over and over again. Ive read them more times then I can count. I didn’t go to school while I lived there. I was supposed to do online school but I refused. I wanted to GO to school. I prayed to go to school. but kimber said I would have “ too much fun “ one day. I was giving kimber bad attitude, and she threatened to take my books away from me. my books are all I had. she told me to go take a shower and to not bring my books with me. I didn’t listen, I refused to let her take them. when I was done with my nightly routine and got into bed to read my book some more. I don’t remember why but I was upset she yelled at me for taking my book so I shut my door. she came and opened my door, I shut I again, she opened it, I shut it again. she punched through the door and ripped it down. we were yelling at each other I don’t remember what about. she came in my room. my book was in my arms, I was holding onto it as tight as I could. she was on top of me trying to pull it from my arms. the book was giving me paper cuts on my arms but I didn’t care, I wasn’t gonna let her win this time. so I moved as much as I could , kicked, pushed, tried everything in my power to get her off of me. until she straddled around me. and slapped me across the face. we both stopped. she got up and left me alone after that. I didn’t cry. it’s almost like I expected it to happen. my dad came home about a hour or two after. kimber immediately told him that I had to go, that I couldn’t live there anymore, that it was her or me. My dad picked kimber. he called my grandma (mom’s side) and she bought me the soonest ticket to go live with her back in Pennsylvania. Side story 1- this is the house my self harm started in. I used to hide box cutters, and knives under my bed and I’d cut myself while everyone was asleep. kimber saw everything on the camera but chose to ignore this. so it continued. Side story 2- my aunt (Tracie) also has a twin sister, she didn’t live in Florida until around this time though. apparently they both called child protective services about this situation. So I moved in with my grandmother, I started 7th grade. I had a phone for the first time. and she bought me a nice laptop to do school work and play minecraft on. life was good. life was not good, I had horrible ptsd and I continued to cut myself. TikTok was coming to attention, I thought I was gay (I’m definitely bisexual) I thought I was trans, nonbinary. it was a mess, and I was a kid. my grandmother used to say cruel things to me about it. but she was old and I understand now. living with her wasn’t bad. she was just, old school, and I was young. I wanted to go out and have friends and have sleepovers, she didn’t let me do any of that. so my love for gaming developed, I got a gaming pc, Covid started, and I spent 10+ hours a day online. I got groomed, cat called, yelled at, but I never let any of it get to me, I understood it was online. In this house my cutting addiction got worse, I started cutting my wrists too, cutting in obvious places that I can’t hide. I stopped caring if people saw my scars. when I was 15 my grandmother fell and hurt her hip , she could barely walk. so my older cousin (Melissa, I believe she’s 23-25) started helping around the house etc. Melissa and her husband had a 3? year old son. They soon realized that it wasn’t healthy for a teenage girl to stay with a woman who couldn’t even walk, they believed I needed parental figures and offered to have me move in with them. So I did. I started high school, got suspended because of a few fights and I got bullied a lot. my cutting continued, my gaming continued. and I got my first job. I had plenty of bad mental health night, tried to off myself a couple times, and ended up in a mental hospital. but I met this guy online, fell in love, and wanted to do better for him, so I bounced back and did better. I had a good job for my age, bought a car, a stopped cutting. I loved this boy, (his name was Lev) I was 17, he was 20. he gave me attention. no one else did. but he was in college in texas. so he convinced me to tell my family that i got accepted into his college and was going. so I did, i packed up my stuff and drove off. before I left, Melissa and her husband accused me of stealing $800+ from them. I didn’t. I had proof I didn’t but they didn’t wanna believe it. it destroyed my relationship with them forever. I miss them. I hope they are doing well. I hope they know I love them. I got to texas. I lived with lev. I was only 17 and for the first time I was fully alone, no one was around to help me. he convinced me to get rid of my car because we “don’t need 2 cars” he convinced me to be a stay at home girlfriend because he could “support me” it was great for a little bit. I thought I was in love. until we had a disagreement, and he slapped me, and suddenly I was 12 again. he got me addicted to weed, I went months being high every single day. smoking multiple times a day. and then winter came around. and he went out of the country with his family for Christmas. this was my chance, I texted and called my grandmother (dads side) and my aunt Tracie. I wanted them. I missed them, I felt they were the only people who would truly understand what I was going through. The abuse, the addiction, all of it. but they didn’t want me. for years I thought of Florida as my home. and they told me it wasn’t. I was heart broken. they told me if I moved to Florida I wouldn’t do anything right and I’d just do whatever I wanted and nothing in my life would change. they hurt me. but I don’t blame them, I love them. so I got high, and hoped on my computer, just tried to distract myself, I thought I was gonna be stuck in texas forever, stuck under a man. And then I met Haley. by some chance I got into a game with a nice girl who lived in Pennsylvania, we talked and talked and I told her about my situation, she offered me a place in her family. and I accepted, a week later I packed up my bags and moved in with her. I was 18. Finally an adult and I felt safe again. and here I am. I’ve been living with Haley and her family for 4 months. I’m 4 months sober, 2 months clean from self harm. Haley and her family have done wonders for me and I’ll never be able to repay them. I love them deeply, and they love me. Her mom calls me her daughter. and her sisters call me big sis. I feel at home. they let me grow and heal. and now here I am, getting ready to sign my first of hopefully many Navy contracts on Wednesday. I’m scared, but hopeful for the future. i miss my mom and my dad everyday of my life. I miss florida. I miss my family. but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to be the outside of the family. it’s okay to live far away. and it’s okay to be different.
I’m starting a new chapter, and I’m extremely proud of myself and where I am today.
If you took the time to fully read this and hear my story, I appreciate you, and I love you. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
with love, Katrina <3

So a little backstory this cousin has been extremely rude to me since we were kids. Her mom and my mom are really close and then my grandma and her grandma are also really close, so I think they were all kind of expecting we be close. We were somewhat friends when we were little, but then as we aged it was obvious that she hated me for some unapparent reason. I never found out what she has against me because I’ve never been anything but nice to her and talked highly of her. My mom always said it was because I was “popular” and a cheerleader. We also went to the same school. Come middle school age, she would give me dirty looks, ignore me, talk about me to other people. By high school, she blocked me on Instagram and wouldn’t even make eye contact me at family events. I have been cornered by my aunt (her grandma), my grandma, and my mom on multiple occasions throughout my life saying that I need to make the first move to talk to her because she’s “jealous” of me. I even tried and nothing came out of it.
Fast forward to now, she’s getting married this coming October. I’ve told my mom casually that I may have another wedding that weekend (even though I don’t) in hopes to let her down easy about not going. She is persistent about me going to her wedding, shower, all of it! I’ve told her before that I wasn’t going because of how she’s treated me, but she brushed it off as the wedding was far away. As it is getting closer, I’m struggling with how to tell her without feeling like the worst daughter in the world. Am I wrong to be upset with my mom that’s she’s pushing me into a situation that I’m uncomfortable with (being an unwanted guest at a bride’s wedding) and not taking my side or seeing things the way I am? I don’t want to start any family drama and personally I don’t think it’s that deep, but everyone is making it seem to be and I need some advice on what I should do. I don’t live at home and it’s not like my mom can “ground” me, but I’m the oldest daughter and grandchild in my family and I feel a lot of pressure to make family related decisions.

Hey BFFs! Feeling the friendship love and want to make your bestie bond even stronger? Buckle up, because this advice corner is packed with cute tips to keep your BFF connection sparkling like glitter.
Communication is Key (and Cute!):

• Leave little love notes: Hide a sweet note in their lunchbox, write a funny message on their bathroom mirror, or send a surprise "thinking of you" text.
• Master the art of the compliment shower: Tell your BFF what you love about them, from their infectious laugh to their killer karaoke skills.
• Active listening is your superpower: Pay attention when they talk, ask thoughtful questions, and be their biggest cheerleader.

Friendship Adventures, Big and Small:

• Plan a themed movie marathon night: Cozy up in PJs, stock up on popcorn, and have a blast with a movie marathon based on a shared genre you both love.
• DIY date night! Get creative and have a spa night at home, complete with face masks, mani-pedis, and silly music.
• Become tourists in your own town: Explore a local museum, try a new restaurant, or have a picnic in a park. You might discover hidden gems you never knew existed! ️

Celebrate the Little Things:

• Turn errands into adventures: Grocery shopping can be a blast with a partner in crime! Make a playlist, sing along in the car, and turn it into a fun outing.
• Master the art of the "just because" gift: It doesn't have to be expensive. A cute mug, a funny card, or their favorite candy bar shows you care.
• Celebrate inside jokes and milestones: Remember that hilarious thing that happened years ago? Recreate it for a laugh or celebrate your BFF's achievements, big or small.

Remember, friendship is a two-way street! Be there for your bestie through thick and thin, celebrate their wins, and offer a shoulder to cry on during tough times.
With a little effort and these cute tips, your BFF bond will be the envy of the friend-iverse!
Do you have any other cute BFF tips to share? Share them in the comments below!

Radicalization is dangerous for anyone--look at all the friends and relatives posting on QAnonCasualties--but fame and fortune take it to another level. For one, JKR has a virtually unlimited cash flow. She could lay in bed all day and still be a multi-millionaire. No need to leave the house, get a job and interact with people outside the cult.
This also leaves her with way too much time on her hands. Instead of an eight-hour shift at a store or office, she has hours to scroll through Twitter, fight with strangers, call her lawyers, isolate herself, hang out with fellow cult members and go further down the rabbit hole.
Likewise, politicians, authors and other gender critical "celebrities" aren't going to befriend Twitter strangers with 20 followers, but when one of the world's most famous people jumps on board, they fawn all over her, boosting her ego and giving her increased political and cultural influence.
Most TERFs earn a following, even if it's just a few hundred people, but JKR has an incomprehensible number of admirers, bots, trolls and newbie GCs who worship the ground she walks on. Maybe it's tens of thousands, maybe it's even hundreds of thousands. Even the occasional celebrity, such as Macy Gray, joins in.
Having a huge following doesn't mean you're right (look at Trump, for example), but she's not just another online radical. She's the Queen Mother High Priestess of TERFdom, and that probably gives her a galaxy-sized ego. Good luck leaving a cult when THAT many people keep saying that you're not only right, but you'll go down in history as one of the greatest warriors that ever lived.
And she can't just delete her Twitter account and disappear, either. The second she changed her mind, you know they'd harass her, dox her, smear her in the media and call her a traitor. This includes a group that she considers close personal friends. I'm sure she tells herself otherwise, but on some level, she probably knows that they wouldn't say, "Aww, that's okay Jo, we can disagree on gender and still be friends! 💝✨ How's the new Strike novel going? 😊"
She had a decade of near-hero worship from 1997 to 2007. The "Dumbledore isn't gay in the books" controversy was the first time she received backlash from people she couldn't dismiss as religious nuts. For the next decade, people grew more critical as she had controversy after controversy, plus failed projects, such as Pottermore and the derided Fantastic Beasts series.
I honestly think she reached a point where she was desperate to make everyone love her again. And suddenly, she stumbled on this cult that showers members with praise, calls them goddesses and woman warriors, offers supposedly tight-knit friendships and poses as an anti-misogyny social movement. Finally, a way to become the beloved hero again. She probably anticipated backlash, but the slobbery adoration was worth it.
Of course, we've all seen how she spiraled out of control, so I don't need to rehash it. But she's still rich and well-connected, has the British media in her pocket, can sue anyone that falls under libel laws, has plenty of free time for radicalization and clings to famous GC figureheads and organizations that tell her she's a beautiful saint, an angel and the greatest lady who ever lived. She also actively builds influence by tweeting to millions of followers and donating huge sums to transphobic initiatives.
Your average Tumblr TERF has some level of influence, but here's what they DON'T have: gigantic royalty checks, no need to work, 14 million Twitter followers, political connections and praise from major news organizations. All these factors helped turn a friendly author into a monster.
I have no sympathy for her, but does she have ONE person looking out for her? Her increasingly deranged Twitter meltdowns suggest that she's on the verge of a full-on mental break, but her buddies just keep cheering her on. She's likely alienated anyone who would tell her to log off. Does her doctor husband ever say, "Hey, I think all this stress is bad for you," or is he just another cheerleader?
Whatever the case, I wouldn't be shocked if she ends up in the hospital for "exhaustion" with her GC pals sneaking in her phone and telling her, "No, keep tweeting! Ignore the haters! Ignore Warner Bros.! They're all working against you! You're going down in history as JK Rowling, the Royal Goddess and Ministress of Magic Who Saved Us All!"

Toilet Trouble Now this is just one of many stories I have where I have unintentionally been a bit of a comedian. This story, however, made its mark (literally, I kid you not). Now, allow me to tell you the tale of how I (humorously) fell off the toilet. When I tell People I fell off the toilet, inevitably I get a chuckle, and then an asked, "How did you fall off the toilet?", to which I reply, "It's not what you think. Let me explain." Well, here goes nothing. I was seven at the time, and had just gotten home from a cheerleading (allstar might I add) sponsorship thing at Chick-fil-A, and I had to use the bathroom. I did my business and was about to flush when I suddenly remembered something I had seen on TV. I decided to re-enact what I had seen which led to the fall of my dignity. I climbed onto the tank of the toilet and attempted to flush it with my foot. I succeeded, but my success was outlived by what happened next. I tried to get down, but lost my balance. So, without thinking, I grabbed onto the shower curtain. The shower curtain fell in the bathtub, taking me with it, but on my way down, I cut my eye on the faucet; which led to a trip to the hospital, resulting in six stitches on my brow bone. I was seven. I am now seventeen. But that does not mean I'm not still clumsy and stupid. Cause I am.

I need help finding a fanfiction that is slowly driving me crazy with all the tag combos I've been using to try and find it. At this point I'm starting to think the author might have deleted it or their whole Ao3
It was a fanfiction on Ao3
I feel like it was a motherfluffer story, but I went through their works (and i think they have a rule against straight-up deleting their fanfictions) so maybe I just missed it
I'm just gonna write what I can remember of the fanfic plot/chapters. so this might be a jumbled mess, I'm sorry. it was popular at the time if I remember correctly but that was back around 2020. I don't think it was a complete fic back then or even now.
So, the most I significant thing I remember is that denki and Izuku are friends like they met in middle school, but outside of it, since they went to different school i believe. I also remember a major plot point is that Izuku is the oldest son of Inko and All Might, and He is quirkless in the story.
Basically, as izuku was growing up, he was led to believe he was being hidden from the public for his own safety, but really he is just being neglected by inko and Toshinori, especially when inko gives birth to his younger brother, who develops a quirk (at birth?). and they also left him home alone when inko when into labor and when izuku wakes up during the night and see the news about the birth. izuku is watching inko and all might showing the baby off to the news. I think he calls aizawa or naomasa tsukauchi (can't remember which one) and they come to get him since he was still really young during this chapter(s)
I think he ends up staying or visiting with Aziawa a lot who is housing a befriended and not villain dabi who dyes, pierces, and tattoos Izuku. he help izuku with his identity
Dabi also becomes a vigilante if I remember.
I think Shoto was hostile towards Izuku at first, but once he meets Dabi he cries or something, I just remember their meeting was a good chapter, I just can't remember what happened in it. I think Shoto got pierced by Dabi in this chapter.
Izuku has like bright colored hair, I think it had pink highlights at one point for most of the story. During the sports festival, Izuku joins the girls in a cheerleading outfit. Which was meant to anger all might and inko. who is described as being lgbtphobic. They never outright say it, but the author had written it in as subtext since they get into a fight with Izuku and how he is acting up until this point because the sports festival was like in the middle of the fic.
Dabi comes to the sports festival as Aizawa's apprentice, and he has a confrontation with endeavor, who is angry to see Dabi alive.
I also remember denki(? think) invites his grandparents from Inko's side, to the sports festival so they can meet izuku again after so long and they shower him with affection because Inko and all might have been purposely trying to stop them from supporting Izuku when he was young
Please tell me if this is an actual fic or if I've mushed multiple fanfics together.

My Top 133 Favourite Musicians & Bands of All-Time
Yes, 133. I could have done a straight 100 with this list but I couldn’t sacrifice any of them. Enjoy my subjective pointless opinions lol :)

1. Nirvana-I could write essays on why this band changed my life and why I believe they are the best band of all time. Kurt Cobain, Krist Novaselic, Dave Grohl, Pat Smear, Chad Channing, thank you, thank you Nirvana (Favourite Song-Drain You)
   
2. Hozier-My favourite solo musician ever. The most beautiful voice I have ever heard and some of the most poetic, most romantic lyrics I have ever heard. I saw him in December in concert and lord, I was crying for most of it (Favourite Song-From Eden)
   
3. Tyler, The Creator-My favourite rapper ever. His evolution and ability and his words are a monument to hip hop and CMIYGL just so happens to be my favourite hip hop album ever (Favourite Song-SMUCKERS)
   
4. Jack Stauber-I miss this man a lot. I wish he would come back and release more songs but for now, his work is great and helped me branch to so much more music. Love you Jack (Favourite Song-Dinner Is Not Over)
   
5. Mom Jeans.-In my opinion, the kings of the Midwest-Emo sound. Seeing these guys live last year cemented them as an all-timer for me (Favourite Song-You Can’t Eat Cats Kevin)
   
6. Red Hot Chilli Peppers-A nostalgic band for me. One of the first bands I ever got into and what can I say besides they are just fucking cool (Favourite Song-Mellowship Slinky in B Major)
   
7. The Mars Volta-Insanely unique and progressive production and instrumentals with beautiful vocals from Omar, The Mars Volta’s discography is near flawless for me (Favourite Song-Ilyena)
   
8. 100 Gecs-This duo never fails to get me hyped in any situation, thank you to Laura & Dylan for introducing me to hyper pop (Favourite Song-mememe)
   
9. tricot-Saw these guys just under 2 years ago now. These girls are masters of their craft and are my favourite math rock group (Favourite Song-potage)
   
10. Pixies-Pioneers of rock, even without realising, I think most bands take from the music of Pixies and why wouldn’t they? They are amazing! (Favourite Song-Debaser)
    
11. The Smiths-Poetic & relatable lyrics and charming melodies, The Smiths will always be in my rotations (Favourite Song-This Charming Man)
    
12. TV Girl-One of my favourite indie pop outfits, every song sounds unique and sounds different but still captures a sound that they represent (Favourite Song-Summers Over)
    
13. Have A Nice Life-The most underrated experimental rock outfit ever, each album gives something deep and powerful to behold (Favourite Song-Deep, Deep)
    
14. MF DOOM-Metal Fingers, Viktor Vaughn, King Geedorah, Metal Face, Your favourite rappers favourite rapper, rest in peace (Favourite Song-All Caps)
    
15. Amy Winehouse-One of my sisters and my mum’s favourite musicians. I remember listening to her a lot as a kid. I miss her (Favourite Song-Hey Little Rich Girl)
    
16. System of a Down-NuMetals greatest act, Serj and the gang produced some of the best, most heaviest music of the 2000s which will be remembered for decades (Favourite Song-Toxicity)
    
17. Weezer-Found them through memes, stayed for the music, the blue album and Pinkerton are classics forever (Favourite Song-I Just Through Out The Love Of My Dreams)
    
18. JPEGMAFIA-Found him in a time wanting to look for something different in hip-hop and like he says, Peggy the GOAT (Favourite Song-HAZARD DUTY PAY)
    
19. Jeff Buckley-What this man was able to achieve in such a short time is nothing short of musical genius. I want this man to sing me lullabies (Favourite Song-Lover, You Should Have Come Over)
    
20. Foo Fighters-All I am gonna say is Dave Grohl is probably my favourite musician ever overall and Foo Fighters will always have a place in my heart (Favourite Song-Everlong)
    
21. 2Pac-Discovered Pac during lockdown wanting to discover 90s hip-hop, one of the best to ever speak into the mic (Favourite Song-Heaven Ain’t Hard 2 Find)
    
22. Queens Of The Stone Age-An important band for rock today. One of the best groups I have had the pleasure to listen and jam to (Favourite Song-I Appear Missing)
    
23. Peach Pit-These well dressed boys from Vancouver are one of my favourite indie bands ever and have a really underrated guitarist (Favourite Song-Private Presley)
    
24. The Doors-Jim Morrison is one of the most charismatic artists I have ever listened to and the entire bands instrumental performances are brilliant (Favourite Song-Love Her Madly)
    
25. Hamilton: The Musical Ensemble-I’m a basic bitch but it’s my favourite musical and the entire ensemble produced a great track list that I will always go back to (Favourite Song-Helpless)
    
26. St. Vincent-One of the most underrated female artists in the game today, am so hyped for her next album this year (Favourite Song-Pay Your Way In Pain)
    
27. Lana Del Rey-She serves c*nt, what else is there to say, she oozes coolness and produces great art pop (Favourite Song-Lolita)
    
28. Ariana Grande-Surprisingly for me, Ariana is one of the best mainstream pop artists. Her voice alone just makes what would be something generic into something so much greater. Loved her as a kid, love her now (Favourite Song-Into You)
    
29. Arctic Monkeys-As a Brit, it would feel insane for these guys not to be in this huge list but deservedly so, one of my favourite rock bands ever (Favourite Song-R U MINE)
    
30. Cheerleader Roadkill-I raised these boys. They are still new but they are getting more and more popular and they deserve it. I was there when they had 100 monthly listeners on Spotify. If you like classic punk which sounds modern, listen to them (Favourite Song-Get Up)
    
31. Bo Burnham-An internet icon, his music is both hilarious and real and the INSIDE album will always be talked about (Favourite Song-Left Brain, Right Brain)
    
32. Deftones-I’m so glad this band is finally getting its flowers, everything they make is just so hard and meaningful (Favourite Song-My Own Summer (Shove It)
    
33. Cocteau Twins-I still can’t decipher their lyrics but that doesn’t matter, glittery riffs and powerful production. They are brilliant (Favourite Song-Heaven or Las Vegas)
    
34. Prince-Soulful and funky, a pop icon and the artist Prince Rogers is forever a pop-culture icon (Favourite Song-Cream)
    
35. Elliott Smith-A true craftsman of the folk and lofi genre, rest easy Elliott (Favourite Song-Wouldn’t Mama Be Proud)
    
36. Nai Palm-Although I do love the band Hiyatus Coyote, for me, the lead singer is where my admiration is held, Needle Paw is one of the best neo-soul albums ever. A psychedelic Amy Winehouse (Favourite Song-Mobius)
    
37. And So I Watch From Afar-Gods of the guitar hailing from Northern Ireland, I never knew a guitar could sound that beautiful (Favourite Song-Mullally)
    
38. Dino Gala-Discovered this band randomly from a Spotify recommendation and man, this band is so good. The perfect mix of indie, rock and pop. My favourite song of theirs was my number 1 from my Spotify Wrapped 2023 (Favourite Song-British)
    
39. Neutral Milk Hotel-In The Aeroplane Over The Sea will go down as an all timer album for indie and folk rock (Favourite Song-Holland, 1945)
    
40. Elvis Presley-In a weird way which is a long story, I wouldn’t be the person I am now without Elvis. A nostalgic artist for many and me (Favourite Song-Can’t Help Falling In Love)
    
41. The Beatles-I’d be surprised if this band wasn’t on someone’s top 100 lol. The influential band of all time and deservedly (Favourite Song-Strawberry Fields Forever)
    
42. Pearl Jam-A pillar of the Seattle sound, one of mine and my dads favourite bands (Favourite Song-Superblood Wolfmoon)
    
43. Japanese Breakfast-After listening to Jubilee for the first time, I had to go and listen to the rest of their discography and wow, please listen if you love Dream-Pop (Favourite Song-Kokomo, IN)
    
44. Descendants-An important band in punk history, this band inspired so many great bands and rightfully so, they put teenage angst and put into music with sharp melodies and infectious lyrics (Favourite Song-Hope)
    
45. Yung Heazy-He seemed to have vanished but his run of bedroom pop bangers really solidified him for me (Favourite Song-FML)
    
46. Paramore-One of the best bands born from the pop-punk book, this band as well as many of my friends will always be special to us (Favourite Song-Brick By Boring Brick)
    
47. Danny Brown-A hilarious personality with an incredible ability with his production and rapping (Favourite Song-Pac Blood)
    
48. Childish Gambino-Donald Glover is such a special and talented person and Childish Gambino is one of my favourite rappers ever (Favourite Song-Freaks & Geeks)
    
49. Miracle Musical-The entire Hawaii Part II album is one of the best albums of all time, please listen! (Favourite Song-Dream Sweet in Sea Major)
    
50. Dua Lipa-As someone who isn’t a fan of the mainstream pop sound, Dua Lipa is an outlier in the best way possible. Fun, catchy, pop music done right (Favourite Song-Levitating)
    
51. Indigo De Souza-Brings something really unique to indie music. A great voice and beautiful sounds and instrumentals (Favourite Song-Kill Me)
    
52. Ichiko Aoba-Soft, Melodic, Real. Aoba captures such a beautiful simple sound with her music which I wish to see live 100% (Favourite Song-Mars 2027)
    
53. Jimi Hendrix-A god of the guitar and a pioneer of the psychedelic rock genre, Electric Ladyland is one of the greatest albums of all time (Favourite Song-All Along The Watchtower)
    
54. Psychedelic Porn Crumpets-Brilliant band name, even more brilliant band with brilliant melodies (Favourite Song-Cubensis Lenses)
    
55. Green Day-One of my first all time favourites lol. Listened to them a lot as a kid and they truly are great, big up Billy Joe Armstrong (Favourite Song-Holiday)
    
56. Gorillaz-Damon Albarn created one of the best music projects of all time and 2D, Murdoc, Noodle & Russel will be remembered forever (Favourite Song-DARE)
    
57. Death Grips-Loud, angry, completely unique hip-hop and breakcore. The Money Store is an all-timer (Favourite Song-Get Got)
    
58. Mac DeMarco-An indie godfather of bedroom pop, just a soothing musician who really grabs your attention (Favourite Song-My Kind of Woman)
    
59. Deerhoof-They just keep getting better, they manage to still sound new to me and just sound fun (Favourite Song-Your Dystopic Creation Does Not Fear You)
    
60. Yeat-My favourite trap artist, bro is straight up brilliant with one of the best stage presences (Favourite Song-Flawless)
    
61. Penelope Scott-Captures the sound of Generation Z and the indie-pop sound which catches us, a really great artist (Favourite Song-Cigarettes Ahegao)
    
62. Westside Gunn-One of the best in the game right now creating east coast hip hop which still sounds different (Favourite Song-Danhausen)
    
63. Joey Valance & Brae-Called the modern day Beastie Boys, for me, they have cemented themselves into their own and they are brilliant (Favourite Song-Tanaka)
    
64. Tennis-God, these two are adorable together and it makes their music sound so much more real. One of my favourites (Favourite Song-Runner)
    
65. Tanukichan-A great shoegaze musician which leaves you sitting and dreaming into another world (Favourite Song-Hunned Bandz)
    
66. Iron Maiden-When trying to get into the metal scene of the 60s-80s, there was only one that caught me. That was Iron Maiden. Absolutely incredible (Favourite Song-Hallowed Be Thy Name)
    
67. Oliver Tree-Some find him annoying and that the persona is overdone. Oliver for me will always hold is special place for me branching out my music taste though (Favourite Song-Cash Machine)
    
68. Big Pun-How he came up and delivered his bars will always astonish me, RIP (Favourite Song-The Dream Shatterer)
    
69. Rage Against The Machine-A band with a message and they do it so well combining so much into great music (Favourite Song-Killing In The Same)
    
70. The Notorious B.I.G.-Big Poppa, Biggie Smalls, a godfather of east coast hip hop, rest easy (Favourite Song-Juicy)
    
71. Mac Miller-RIP always to this man, a huge musical inspiration to my sister and me, along with his warm personality, his music will always be special to me in the hip-hop genre (Favourite Song-Knock Knock)
    
72. my bloody valentine-One of, if not the best shoegaze band of all time, their second album will be studied for decades (Favourite Song-only shallow)
    
73. Michael Jackson-The King of Pop, that is all (Favourite Song-Beat It)
    
74. Radiohead-Trailblazers and legends of rock music with every album brining something different and meaningful (Favourite Song-Exit Music For A Film)
    
75. Chat Pile-Heavy and sounds like sludge in the best way possible, if you are a fan of metal, please give these guys a listen (Favourite Song-Slaughterhouse)
    
76. Little Simz-Probably my favourite female rapper today. Truly sounds unique and has a great talent (Favourite Song-Gorilla)
    
77. My Chemical Romance-The godfathers of Emo and Pop-Punk. Inspired whole subcultures and their influence will live forever (Favourite Song-I’m Not Okay)
    
78. The Offspring-A true punk and skater band who can be serious but also kinda funny and do both great (Favourite Song-Pretty Fly For A White Guy)
    
79. Kill Bill: The Rapper-I love rappers who genuinely sound authentic and sound like they are having fun when they perform and Kill Bill is perfect for this! (Favourite Song-False Swipe)
    
80. HYUKOH-A soulful, feel good indie boy band from South Korea, probably my favourite act from the country (Favourite Song-TOMBOY)
    
81. Heathers: The Musical-Another musical but I just love the soundtrack to death (Favourite Song-Candy Store)
    
82. Mannequin Pussy-One of the best punk bands going today, I really enjoyed their last album they released last month, deffo give it a listen (Favourite Song-Romantic)
    
83. ATTARASHI GAKKO!-One of the best acts currently in Japan, this group makes such great pop music combining elements of prog rock and jazz, a really brilliant group (Favourite Somg-koi geba)
    
84. The Last Dinner Party-Industry plants? Yes. Genuinely brilliant, also yes. Saw these girls live at a Hozier concert and I was swooning lol (Favourite Song-My Lady of Mercy)
    
85. Black Country, New Road-One of the best new groups of the last few years and even with a high note like their last album, I know they have not peaked yet (Favourite Song-Basketball Shoes)
    
86. Billy Cobb-Although known for his covers, his solo work has really impressed me with some brilliant original work (Favourite Song-Dumb Song For Virgins To Cry To)
    
87. Kittie-Metal scream queens, a really underrated act from the Nu-Metal era (Favourite Song-Do You Think I’m A Wh*re)
    
88. SE SO NEON-A South Korean rock troop, their unique sound sold me as soon as I found them randomly on YouTube lol (Favourite Song-The Wave)
    
89. Mitski-One of the best songwriters today and with her last album this year, I think the sky is truly the limit for her (Favourite Song-My Love Is Mine)
    
90. Alice In Chains-A pillar of grunge and metal, these guys are heavy in the best way possible, love them (Favourite Song-Nothin’ Song)
    
91. IDLES-The best hardcore band today in the UK, I want to mosh to these guys live one day! (Favourite Song-Never Fight A Man With A Perm)
    
92. Lil Nas X-A hilarious personality who makes really good and catchy pop and hip-hop music, the sky is the limit for him (Favourite Song-Industry Baby)
    
93. Playboi Carti-Whole Lotta Red is one of my favourite albums to listen to when I need to get some energy (Favourite Song-On That Time)
    
94. Father John Misty-I love this man’s style, his aura and his authentic sounding folk pop which deserves to be on your rotation (Favourite Song-I Love You, Honeybear)
    
95. Erykah Badu-A muse of the R&B and Soul genres, she is truly a legend (Favourite Song-Didn’t Cha Know?)
    
96. TUYU-A Japanese pop group creating catchy tunes with sick instrumentals (Favourite Song-It’s Raining After All)
    
97. Ocean Grove-This generations Limp Bizkit but doing what they did 100x better, these Aussies deserve to be in your listening rotations (Favourite Song-SUPERSTAR)
    
98. Smashing Pumpkins-One of the great bands of the 90s, today, I still adore listening to them with Melancholy being one of my all time favourite albums (Favourite Song-1979)
    
99. Run The Jewels-Killer Mike & El-P will go down as one of the greatest duos in hip-hop history. Passionate lyrics accompanied by nasty beats (Favourite Song-Close Your Eyes & Count To Fuck)
    
100. clipping.-Daveed Diggs is a musical mastermind with him and the trio creating such unique sounding hip hop with insane time signatures (Favourite Song-Story 2)
     
101. Freddie Gibbs-Big Boss Rabbit, Freddie Gibbs always feels new to me with his take on Gangsta Rap, great artist (Favourite Song-High)
     
102. The Cranberries-My mums favourite band actually, such a monumental group and one of the best from Ireland (Favourite Song-Forever Yellow Skies)
     
103. Lingua Ignota-Kristin Hayter, whether it be her own work or her most recent work as Reverend Kristin Michael Hayter, her experiences have shaped a haunting musical experience which leaves you speechless (Favourite Song-I WHO BEND THE TALL GRASSES)
     
104. Soundgarden-Chris Cornell is one of the best musicians of all time and Soundgarden is one of his best accomplishments (Favourite Song-Spoonman)
     
105. The Callous Daoboys-These guys kept popping up in my Spotify Discover Weekly and honestly, they impressed me each time, please give these guys love, they deserve it. If you like unique, quirky metal music, give them a listen (Favourite Song-Star Baby)
     
106. The Sugarcubes-Although I am still exploring Bjorks music, her band The Sugarcubes are a delight that I will always love listening to (Favourite Song-Birthday)
     
107. The Front Bottoms-Folk icons creating great music with Midwest-Emo twist (Favourite Song-Lonely Eyes)
     
108. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard-Have produced several amazing psychedelic rock albums, truly amazing (Favourite Song-Flying Microtonal Banana)
     
109. Freddie Dread-My intro to Phonk and it goes hard (Favourite Song-Wrath)
     
110. Big Joanie-Black Feminist British Rock Icons (Favourite Song-Fall Asleep)
     
111. The Cardigans-A brilliant pop band, their music makes you want to dance and sing loud in the shower, infectiously fun (Favourite Song-Lovefool)
     
112. Sinéad O’ Connor-A voice the world will never forget and one of the best artists to come from Ireland (Favourite Song-Mandinka)
     
113. Poppy-I was skeptical when I first heard of Poppy’s music but man, I was delighted after sitting down to listen to her first albums, one of the best in the electronic metal genre (Favourite Song-Her)
     
114. Machine Girl-My intro to breakcore and still my favourite breakcore group (Favourite Song-Ghost)
     
115. Plumtree-Discovered them looking for the Scott Pilgrim movie album but found something great. A brilliant 90s girl rock band (Favourite Song-Scott Pilgrim)
     
116. Florence + The Machine-Florence Welsh is one of the UKs greatest and one of the most underrated musical exports, a musical wonder (Favourite Song-All This & Heaven Too)
     
117. MEMI-With a short discography, this girl from Korea really impressed me and her songs have all been on repeat in my room (Favourite Song-I don’t give a damn)
     
118. Violent Soho-From Down Under, Violent Soho are one of the best alt-rock bands on the 2010s (Favourite Song-Jesus Stole My Girlfriend)
     
119. Greentea Peng-One of the best musicians to come out of London today, she is a soulful, soft and smooth sounding musician who deserves more praise (Favourite Song-Nah, It Ain’t The Same)
     
120. Catfish & The Bottlemen-It took me a while to get in to them but their last few albums really sold me. These Welsh boys are great! (Favourite Song-Fluctuate)
     
121. Jelani Aryeh-The way better, underrated version of Frank Ocean, that’s all I’ll say (Favourite Song-Earl Grey)
     
122. Drop Nineteens-An underrated shoegaze band from the 90s, definitely one to look back on and enjoy! (Favourite Song-Winona)
     
123. CZARFACE-Originating from the Wu-Tang, this man is still making brilliant music that goes so hard (Favourite Song-Lumberjack Match)
     
124. beabadoobee-Indie pop idol beabadoobee is one of my favourite up and comers of our generation (Favourite Song-Talk)
     
125. Logic-People hate on Logic way too much in my opinion. I think he has made some great hits and some fun albums so for that, he is on this list (Favourite Song-1-800-273-8255)
     
126. Tiny Moving Parts-Combining Midwest Emo with Math Rock creating an authentic sound that all emo fans would love (Favourite Song-Caution)
     
127. Neck Deep-Pop Punk icons, a great band with a great discography (Favourite Song-In Bloom)
     
128. Hospital Bracelet-Despite a small discography, I find this bands sound and emotional lyrics really beautiful, give em a listen (Favourite Song-Happy Birthday)
     
129. 9mm Parabellum Bullet-A Punk and Metal band hailing from Japan, this band makes some of the best rock music in Japan, deffo listen! (Favourite Song-ハートに火をつけて (Album Ver.)
     
130. Surf Curse-Combining surfer rock with a classic indie sound, these guys helped me a lot weirdly during my parents divorce lol (Favourite Song-Freaks ft. Travis Barker)
     
131. Rain On Fridays-A small indie band I really enjoy and deserve more love. Go give them a listen! (Favourite Song-Lincoln’s Licorice)
     
132. Fantastic Negrito-One of my favourite blues artists. Probably my favourite! Deffo listen if you want to explore some modern blues music (Favourite Song-Chocolate Samurai)
     
133. Tropical Fuck Storm-Aussie Acid Rock, these guys will get your mind racing in the best way possible (Favourite Song-Who’s My Eugene?)
     

So I’ve been a huge fan of Porter Robinson for quite some time now (since his collaboration with League of Legends) and I was hoping to listen to Cheerleader while scrubbing myself down in the shower. But as I undressed to bathe the thought occurred to me that if I wanted to really internalize Mr. Robinson's songwriting, the obvious choice is to do this anally. So next thing I know I’ve got two AirPod Pros lodged in my butt, blasting Cheerleader at full volume (almost accidentally played Lionhearted lol :P ). But then I realized that maybe AirPods shouldn’t be used while in the shower. So, I’m wondering, does anyone know if I can do this? Will my AirPods be ok? I just popped them in my ears and they sound a little funny.
Regards,

Previously: https://www.reddit.com/MasakoX/s/jq1CEBjMeK
Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/MasakoX/s/rXE1Ia6b73
Given that the ships this time around are both based on the Saiyan ships, but there isn't a need to rush to Namek, I'll strike a happy medium and say it takes two weeks for the heroes to get to Namek. It's a relatively uneventful trip, but there's some nice character interactions going on. Yamcha and Chaozu form a bittersweet bromance where they seem tight, but can't shake that they're just projecting Krillin and Chaozu onto each other. Bulma pretends to be annoyed with Yamcha and Chaozu's training on the grounds of "men", but finds a freshly showered post-training Yamcha covered only by a towel hot every time. Goku and Chi-Chi talk about Chi-Chi's aversion to training being based on what she read in magazines about wives growing up, but she'll make an exception for her "Goku-sa" this time.
Since power levels are important to you guys, I'll briefly go over them.
Ch-Chi has had a power level of 130 since the 23rd Tenkaichi Budokai, and she had to start by acclimating to 10x Earth's gravity before she and Goku could really go at it. But she still mastered 100x Earth's gravity and was still training with Goku, so I'll be nice and say she's at about 4000 once they reach Namek.
Chaozu and Yamcha are both sitting in the neighborhood of 19000-20000.
And Goku leapfrogs them all to roughly 97000.
Initially, they encounter nobody upon landing, but some cautious Namekian warriors drop down to greet them and asks them to state their business. When they realize the Dragon Team know about and want the Dragon Balls, they go on the attack, but Yamcha and Chaozu effortlessly defeat two of them. The third grabs Bulma and Chi-Chi and threatens their lives if the others don't leave, but Chi-Chi lets her power spike and beats the Namekian effortlessly. This prompts even more Namekian warriors in the area to sense the sudden dropping of their comrades and fly over, surrounding the Dragon Team. Thankfully, however, any further fighting is stopped by the appearance of Elder Moori.
Moori apologizes for the actions of the warriors, and explains that they don't get many visitors, let alone visitors that know about the Dragon Balls. He then turns around and scolds the defeated warriors for assuming the worst of strangers, citing that he cannot sense any evil in their hearts. Moori then invites them back to the village, with Bulma happily breaking out a capsule car to expedite the trip. During the trip, the gang explains their knowledge of the Dragon Balls and reason for needing them to Moori, which he sympathizes with. He seems almost personally saddened by the news of Kami and Piccolo dying, as he recalls the Grand Elder mentioning a child being sent to Earth during the calamity.
Despite this, Elder Moori cannot simply hand them over his Dragon Ball. In contrast to the Dragon Balls of Earth, the Dragon Balls of Namek are sacred, originally made to celebrate the warriors of Namek and only to be used in times of crisis. As such, any outsider who wants to use them must pass seven trials, each trial overseen by a Namekian elder, and each testing qualities such as strength or wisdom. If the group fails even a single trial, they will be barred from using the Dragon Balls, and their quest will be doomed to fail.
Bulma and Chi-Chi find this unfair, but the three martial artists are excited. When Moori asks who will take the first trial, Yamcha volunteers. Moori leads the group to the center of village, and with a glint in his eyes, Moori declares the Trial of Teamwork having begun. A bright light flashes, Yamcha shields his eyes as Goku calls out his name. When Yamcha can see again, Goku is still calling his name, but everything is different. Yamcha is on Earth, in his baseball uniform and in his locker room. As are Goku, Bulma, Chi-Chi, and Chaozu. Joining them in uniform are a somehow still alive Krillin, Piccolo, and Tenshinhan, as well as Yajirobe, with Roshi dressed as a coach.
Once the shock wears off, Yamcha seems to accept this, and says they need to get out there and win. Yamcha leads the team out onto the diamond, where cheerleaders led by Puar and Oolong chant his name. Yamcha takes the pitcher's mount and throws the first pitch of the game... Only for the other team's batter to be Vegeta, who immediately gets a grand slam home run. The top of the first, the West City Taitans have 0 and the Planet Vegeta conquerors already have 1...
Next time: https://www.reddit.com/MasakoX/s/16KB1uEkCc

Waves.
Sometimes things propagate as waves.
She found this moth(rat?)-eaten manual fromma time not ours that mentioned this. That was before the invaders came. It may as well be centuries ago. There were stores that sold candies then. Wrapped in cellophanes of every color of the rainbow. What I'd give for something sweet now...
The sky is grey. Its always a shade of grey now. Sometimes lighter, during the day, I guess, orran ashen smeared easel offan irrational pantheon of uncaring gods and goddesses. We've been walking in what we assume is the same direction for at least two weeks. Following the river, keeping it to our left. At least we know we're not walking in circles. There's always an unnatural sound, like a sweeping broom across the tiled entranceway to Hell, that is present over the rushing water. Maybe that's why we stay close to the flowing - it almost blocks out the new world we have found ourselves in. Some semblance offa documentary on nature we might have seen when young and entertainment and learning were possibilities. There aren't many animals anymore. The ones that catch our peripherals are as ashen as the sky. Funny. I don't recall seeing foxes before; not in person. How long have we really been picking our way along this rocky terrain?
Laura is ahead of me, carrying a long bamboo walking stick. Sometimes when I lie and smile I tell her that's sposta help one walk. She lies and smiles back that of course its helping her walk - if I keep it horizontal it functions assif I'm onna tightrope - look, I'm inching between downtown skyscrapers!
An explosion in the distance, probably building sized. Sounds don't travel as far as they used to. All the greyness that came with Them is heavy, a wet blanket on the Earth, makes breathing a chore if one pays attention. The last buildings we saw were three-quarters immersed in the river. What is this body of water called? How does one forget what the local river is named? The same way one forgets what one's first car was, or where one's first kiss took place. Drive-in? Couch? Under bleachers? The explosion must be far enough to not be an immediate concern. No underfoot rumblings. We barely look up, in fact. We decided that attempting to track our progress in terms of direction was boring and pointless. Its not assif there issa goal we're reaching, a dot onna map that hassa printed name next tooit. In fact, the farther away we stay from those former dots on maps the better. Out here in the Great Big Fucking State Park of Wherever The Fuck We Are its peaceful enough. No former right angles to remind us that there are no straight lines in nature. Can't remember the last time I waited forra red light.
I'm catching up to Laura, she's crouching, long stick still horizontal, picking at something on or in the ground with her sawtoothed machete. There's no movement in the treeline except the branches and leaves themselves. Birds are almost non-existent now. I swear I don't ever recall seeing a fox in the flesh before, now they're the most common animal besides us. As I reach the limestone platform she spins, triumphant, see-I-told-you-the-stick-works, and holds out a bottle of Jamaican Red Stripe, looking new and shiny. Her excavation has unearthed a blue and white Igloo cooler chest from between boulders. Its full of formerly imported beers, a couple of red wax-encased wheels of cheese and luckily unopened large packets of bison jerky.
Back when people milled like ants, endlessly constructing ventilation tunnels and waste depositories, they believed things. They had up to the minute holy documents crisscrossed with squiggly imaginary lines, like all holy documents. Wherever one found oneself in relation to the imaginary lines denoted certain realities. Foxes are more common than people now. Somewhere Walt Disney is not feeling irony. Sometimes those holy imaginary lines were rivers. People's most common trait was laziness. I remember viewing a satellite picture of Earth, and it seemed the only blue water left was that being fed the indigo stain for denim inna polluted tributary adjacent in what was China. So much holiness. When the need arose for things bigger than us to assist, those holy worshipped things, they remained as invisible and ineffectual as ever. The larger than our imaginations entities that did show themselves remained indifferent to our collective sigils and crossed hearts. These giants brought with them a new Art, a new way to draw lines on maps, and new definitions of what maps were. Blue is still the least common color of water, brown and red being much more favored. Faces old and young stare accusingly from just beneath the surface tensions now, no matter what the hue of the liquid. The Earth is somehow a quieter marble now, explosions less frequent. If one were being charitable one could say the new, gigantic forms had brought peace, finally, at last. The answers to so many prayers.
Light pollution is now an antiquated term. Sagan's billions and billions twinkle sparkle flash and swoosh above our heads now if our relative elevation to the sea is great enough. I am no eidetic astrologer, but Laura agrees that Orion's belt and Betelgeuse are no longer where they were. Or maybe obscured by clarity. Perhaps eventually we'll draw new imaginary lines in the night grey and link humanistic tragedies to them. That one's Boffo, the legendary fox masturbator, see his right hand has six fingers? And there's Yourmom, still popular as ever. Some of the stellar regions make audible strings of intermittent noises, attempting to ask our obsolete fax machines tooa matinee. At least they're not selling us used cars yet. I wonder, would that make us scramble nowhere faster or drag our feet? The dead do not walk the globe. Hooded skeletons do not ride pale horses in search of wheat fields. It is possible something with many arms dances to an idiot piper. We smoke 'em if we got 'em, and we usually do. Drugs were big business, and are more commonly laying around than cans of cranberry sauce. They brought peace on Earth with Them, and an end to poverty, however one measures it. And they didn't even demand praise.
We haven't seen any other people in at least two weeks. Not alive, anyway. Most of the corpses are floating in pieces unidentifiable down past us. Any former homes by the waterfront have been abandoned. Proximity to the new vast creatures does something to the thought processes. Makes the electrons jump track and wind up in the wrong brain receptors. They're not eating us. They're not even interacting with humanity unless we en masse attack them. Nukes were used. That was the last Laura and I heard. The largest groups of people we've seen were four, across the river. They made no sign of recognition, no waves or yells. A mutual noticing. They were headed the way we came, on the other side.
We've stopped at a two story home with a boatless dock. A fire has turned the former garage into ash, but the adjacent kitchen and walk-in pantry is still full of groceries. Sandwich creme cookies with evaporated milk on the master bedroom deck. Sheets still smell like scented detergent and the water still gurgles from the faucets when they're turned. No electricity. Those electrons don't do the same things either. The long drive leading up to the structure is buried under massive fallen pines. Debris clogs the river itself, using a boat seemed useless, as if there was a destination to speed away to. Laura calls it " Fort mumbleblarrg " , exhaustedly burying her head in a couch cushion laid out on the deck. I stuff more cookies between my teeth. The view provided of the terrain from the deck looks like an angry child shook the ant farm, and bored, tossed it away inna drainage ditch outside a seafood buffet inna resort town. My skin imagines it has been coated in egg and floured batter several times. Shaking the sludge off my head I collapse on the unmade bed by the sliding glass, very seriously stained doors.
[ they severed the hands that's what the Spaniards did. Halberded piles palms up
fires not cauterizing, smudging
glints of spittled grin thick lenses calloused fingers zipping up weatherbeaten
blood, from not yet a teenager
cotton briars, green bitterness
whens
please not again]
Fort Mumbleblarrg seems as good as any place to experience intense hallucinations and/or time slips and/or simultaneous dimensional realities. It has cookies. After dragging all the usable foodstuffage up to the master bedroom suite atop the remnants of the wooded structure and making use of the handily, almost obscenely organized tools to actually um, fortify the narrow stairwell, we immediately crash near comatose for days, ingesting sugars and fats like there were supermarkets with humming freezer sections on every city intersection. This place even has a wine cellar, a real one, not a glass doored cabinet. I am almost disappointed there is no cask of Amontillado.
On the fourth day another explosion, still far enough to not feel blasted heat or earthquaking floorboards, but it trails along with it a visible atmospheric channel that spins off like the arm offa hurricane. For hours all the colors in the spectrum become grimy, unctuous, the view from the bottom of a fast food fryer overdue for straining. Nausea sets in during and afterward. All offa sudden being onna carpet is the same as lying face down inna two-inch-deep tray of cultivated maggots, complete with crawling movements up the walls and greenish-grey waves lighting up the flatscreen of the now-defunct television across from the bed. Huddled in the center, trying desperately not to touch or even look at the floor while convulsively emptying our bowels and stomachs, the moldering lightshow starts to produce three dimensional effects, coming closer then sinking in far past the wall its mounted on.
Blankness. Grey. Millipedes. Water still runs, still looks clear. All of the carpet gets torn out and heaved over the deck's railing, along with the sodden mattress. Mumbleblarrg wassa perfect title, man. From the deck a three-foot-wide stripe is clearly visible across the landscape. Straight from our perspective, disappearing into the horizon, a charred, still smoking narrow strip of burnt. Trees that formerly stood in its path are simply gone, not piles of twisted branch stubs and ash. Gouges in the limestone, an actual scraping it seems. Smell of overripe, rotting fruit, something exotic like ugli or dragon with an artificial sweetener aftertaste in the nostrils; acrid, bulbous decay accelerated by molecular science students proud of their work. Evidence of this is visible in the river itself - a darkened stripe underneath the waterflow which now eddies at the banks. Added to the evidence of former civilization already present in the water are the carcasses of fish, or fish-like creatures, at least. It is difficult to discern what the original shapes of the savagely torn chunks of flesh might have been. The entire column of moving water is black and brown and maroon and bright fire truck red. There issa small fire burning on the opposite shore. Impossible to tell what exactly, just a blur of burning. For the moment there is a wind, steady, away from us. Blessedly, away from us.
Laura usedta tell stories about being born onna side offa river I was not. I was born on an Air Force base in Texas. This is not that river. It doesn't look familiar to either of us. We don't know what its called, or was called. I had lived in Texas for all but four of forty-three years. I have never seen a fox except on screens, maybe a billboard. Now they're like neighborhood dogs. The trees, the grasses, they're familiar, but not intimately so. What are all these foxes eating? What stopped eating all the foxes and let their population burgeon? Laura says since that last wave she has a scar missing. It was to the side of a bone in her wrist, she got it while working inna field with her mother assa child. I don't remember for sure - its not my wrist, but I believe her. Neither of us can relate to the other how we got here, and when we attempt it again the story breaks down at maybe a different point. The last memory we have that stays the same is that we were both inna friend's car driving up to the convenience store a mile from my parents' old trailer. Then... Even when telling our own stories over again they change. At least that's what the other person claims.
There is plenty of packaged, indestructible food left. Some of the vintages are over sixty years old. We start on those just because. I stick a sewing needle through one of the corks and float it inna bowl of water. It doesn't seem to do anything in particular, which means I've probably forgotten a step in compass making. Best as I can tell we're headed vaguely north. Absolutely nothing I have observed points definitively to that conclusion. For now this is as good a place as any.
Contrary to most horror movie logic there are several battery powered devices fully charged, more or less, and picking up all kinds of stations. Allot of them are preprogrammed and safeguarded against any possibility that silence could happen, lest our listeners disappear. There are no live voices, though even the public station is replaying an interview with a United Nations ambassador intermittently with blocks of humming where the local station breaks would be. Neither of us recognize any of the station call letters or frequencies. Even the fifty thousand watt WOAI transmission is absent. Quickly we settle on the classical public broadcast, coming in surprisingly clear. It is the only one playing music without lyrics exclusively. It helps make all the alien noises more tolerable. When stars are visible focussing one's attention on a certain grouping will now cause them to actually respond - both with sounds and visual effects. Its not just our poor human senses - recordings on our phones document the phenomena in even greater detail. Clear enough skies to see past the grey are rare, but at least two infinite directions yield beautiful results. I name them after Greek sirens in my head, not wanting to be outwardly anymore pessimistic than the situation demands. Most stars are silent and stationary enough. For now. There is still one sun in the sky that seems to do the same thing it used to, even though its greyed out usually. Maybe tomorrow it will offer two scoops of raisins.
And. Aspirin in the aftermath of wine. We've been here four or five days and just now notice that there are no identifying traces at all of who once lived here. No photos framed. No mail magnetted to the refrigerator door. No kids' homework, or children's toys at all. There are true crime and mystery novels. No religious items. There are also no clothes hanging in closets or folded in drawers. Like we interrupted the crew dressing the set.
The audio stream changes from madrigals to Gregorian chants. Its still less memory invoking than pop songs of love gained and lost and sex. We've noshed through most of the sugars and salts and fats and have begun opening cans of vegetables and beans. Laura reminds me she's a Mormon and I pick up the old argument that no, she is not. My father attended a seminary in Michigan to become a priest before he joined the Air Force assa chaplin and married a paranoid schizophrenic, what the Roman Catholic church labels a possession case officially. I like to get drunk and talk about religion and politics. When I carried a wallet it contained separate business cards for ghost and demon removal services. My reasoning being that demons are way more dangerous than the cranky old fartbag of Aunt Mabel bitching about your choice of cat food for Mr. Snuggles, and should be priced accordingly. My first official girlfriend assa teenager working at Wendy's wassa Mornon, so I have slightly more than a cursory familiarity of the doctrine. Worst girlfriend ever, by the way. Never kiss a girl who doesn't smoke. Its okay if she doesn't smoke anymore, but this advice, I contend, will not let one down if heeded. As the topic of baptizing ancestors breaches again the sky visible past the open sliding glass door abruptly shifts from grey to palish green. Notta seafoam orra seasick orra pea, but a shade reserved for floors of state mental hospitals, disinfectant ready and climbing the edges of the walls. There is something else that is different. Laura and I exchange searching looks, interrupted in our comfort food conversation. We sit staring at each other forra solid minute before knitting our eyebrows and proceeding out on the deck. The atmosphere is physically thicker past the doorframe. Not more humid - the air is cool and moist, but no more so than before. Heavier. Gravity is still a theory. Although we confidently launch rockets and probes and parasail we assa species are still uncertain as to whether gravity issa push orra pull. Gravity now feels like its the ocean, waves jostling in all directions. A propagating wave packet, my head insists. I can't hear the rushing sound of the river. At all. Nor the wind visibly moving the branches strung above. The radio is unaffected. I am not. The last thing I remember when I awake is opening my mouth, partially full of cooked peppered yellow squash, and screaming. Silently.
[ thousand segmented legs crawling
the monsters took her under cover of sunlight and treason I can't remember what she was wearing
rough hewn metals jagged under nails into nerve-riddled flesh, rusted dirt filled channels
you were there to nurture but instead you consumed until bloated and gaseous
unstable at this temperature NO!
claimed divinity with hives and fever, royal pink and chartreuse
steaming exhalations horses breath
they spasmed fits and palsy
perspiration to the soil
which grew poisoned flowers from their tears
the limb twisted before the hinged joint borne unto the Firmament unmade
flutes whistling graveyard breezes
sounds are vibrations
sinusoidal dips and troughs and peaks and valleys
how many decimalled hurts?]
There issan aching in the back of my skull. No cartoon birds and stars halo. Rising from my face-up prone position on the freshly painted deck, Laura is first in my field of vision, back solidly pressed against the railing, her eyes wide and staring. Settling next to her while rubbing my nape, I dig in my pocket and fish out Ann's antique silver cigarette case. Taking two Camels out I offer one widdershins, quickly accepted. The black and gold lazer etched Zippo fails to click when struck but lights both. Baroque woodwinds and harpsichord is quarteting through the filthy sliding glass doors. It is the only sound. I dreamt of my daughter Kallisti. I have no idea where she is or if she is. Burnt ash drops without crackles, being shaken off by my trembling lips. Hot tears are streaming down, blurring the soundless vista with eloquent soundtrack. I haven't seen Kallisti since she was eight. She would be ten now. Her mother abandoned us when she was two anda half, chasing heroin and cocaine with prostitution and psychopathic apathy. I don't remember dropping the finished butt or crawling to the pallet on the floor underneath the speakers. Batteries still holding out. Harpsichord and oboes give way to four cellos, dirge. Its suiting of the moment. Red wine has not helped the aching of my head. Laura's face is turned from my view, surveying silent scenery fit forra hotel wall painting. This is where you could be instead of MotorLodge #164. There is no chocolate mint on your pillow. Do not use blacklights in the vicinity of your bedspread, please and thank you. End of song, end of consciousness.
Floor shakes hard enough to propel me to my feet. Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries is blasting through the speakers, but its too loud, absurdly loud, there's no way cones that size could make that much air move. Fuck this. Quick steps and noiseless slamming of the glass door. Thankfully the music diminishes in volume somewhat with this action. Its nighttime now. Laura is standing at the railing, one hand gripping the wood with enough force to turn her knuckles white, the other solidly around the ornate neck offa wine bottle labelled in Portuguese. She turns her head, frowning, only slightly, acknowledging my presence, then returns her sentry's position to the heavens. Half of the grey is parted centrally, revealing the new map of burning stars. Tens or thousands of minutes later Wagner dissolves into what would have been a station break, now the amplified buzzing offan ultraviolet bug zapper with two dragonflies struck frying in the mesh. This allows the only other sounds audible through to our senses: sirens calling from beyond Earth, skyward. A sort of synthetic chime set, microtuned at random and played by feasting vultures onna weighted keyboard. There is something new this time - a long, lilting, occasionally harmonized chorus of voices drifting in and out from a different point of night than the chimes, almost sideways from the horizon. If it is a language it is none I recognize, though there are definitely parts repeating verse-chorus-verse. Many vowels, few consonants. Hours pass. The buzzing from the radio fades to nothingness leaving us with the calling of the stars. The chimes span about two octaves. The voices, if that's what they are, full spectrum. There are most certainly repeating themes, though mismashed between competing chorales. All of the voices are distinctly female, the epitome offan archtype of warrior class. A third distinct group sounds angrier than the first two, threatening. No, bitch, our dance moves slay your tired, weak-ass trots. Its beautiful, as much as it can be, but my ears are accustomed to atonality. Also very directional. The voices are coming from horizontal sources, maybe on the planet, while the chimes are beaming from a gyrating cluster of suns directly above our heads. I find that I don't care how my dehydrated body feels about this decision: I am getting as drunk as I can before a red graped woman's hand closes the staring eyes of my corpse.
" There is nothing new under the sun " somebody said once. Probably a guy. That's the kind of smug bullshit men get quoted saying. Fuck that guy. I'm glad he's dead. I hope it hurt the whole time. By all means, quote me on that.
The darkness of night is lasting longer than it should. When I climb in the upstairs shower the water again thankfully runs clear. Its cold and wakes me up, though I'm still staggering drunk. Drinking in stomachfulls of water I emerge humming a companion piece to the concert around us. At least, I'm vibrating my throat and chest. It feels like what making sounds used to do. We've laid out couch cushions covering most of the deck and are observing. Writing onna legal pad witha pen screenprinted Al's plumbing, Laura says it feels like noon. We've been dosing off in turns. She suggests Father Alien instead of Mother Nature. Our three local groups of singers have played through at least two albums of repeating hits. I turned off the radio, though it didn't respond immediately, stubbornly buzzing at least an hour after the off command was issued. My vintage is 1973, something in French. Saltine crackers, spray cheese inna can. I keep thinking about Mitch Hedberg's joke about it glowing in the dark, every bite. The chimes have almost completely faded, along with the brightness and location of its point of emanation. Glee club is picking up the tempo, but seemingly content with their distant concert halls. When I heavily plop down the notepad is passed over. Two words: Foxes. Below. Laura is strategically stationed under the thick fringed vinyl umbrella that formerly stood in the center offa round glass table next tooa propane cookstove. On its side its functioning assa lean-to tent. Hanging my head over the railing, my eyes are greeted with twenty to thirty smaller shiny pairs staring back. Ashen grey and brownish-red foxes are doing much the same as we are, minus alcohol. Laura hands me a bag of marshmallows and we toss them down one by one. They look cute, smiling almost. I shiver. Laura tugs at my jacket and I join her on the other side of the lean-to. We stuff marshmallows in our ears, hoping we don't wake to find ants crawling, searching through our brains.
Something is tickling my face and smells like bubblegum. Opening my sleepshut eyes I discover an orange fox on my chest, staring directly at me. It licks my nose several times and is instantly gone when a peal of gravelly smoker's laughter erupts from beside me. Some giant, probably taloned hand has turned the volume knob of the world back to the right again. Trees, river, that sweeping, scratching noise, all back. I haven't seen Laura happy, even briefly, like this since we found ourselves wandering. The little furry scamp ate the marshmallows out of her ears too, she says. For minutes it is easier to breathe, even with the obligatory cigarette smoke. Happiness is rare now, has been for years. Just a little reminds my body what its like to be alive. Lighter grey, occluded sky. Something like morning has arrived, however late. The same clawed huge fingers changed the world's gear ratio back to where it was. We're spinning...I see a flash of memory instead of what my eyes report. My autistic daughter spinning herself dizzy holding a ribbon, a glittery one, inches thick, sparkles fluttering. Quickly I pretend to cough and turn away, holding my closed fist in front of my face. There is no need to spoil whatever semblance of humanity is left in us by sharing this thought. " I'll make breakfast! Something hot! " She knocks the umbrella over leaping up like a clumsy feline. Burying my face in the rough cushions, I bite down on the material covering the foam, thankfull to be out of view.
Breakfast is handmade tortillas, generic, mechanically separated beef fromma squat can, diced tomatoes, black beans, corn. Blue rings of flames perform the chemistry on command. All the exciting little kid junk food has been torn through, leaving stacks of stolid, adult canned rations. There is plenty of wine. At first discovery I advised Laura not to quaff the ones that read " Port ". A friend's favorite author was Jack Kerouac. He mentioned more than thrice getting drunk on port wine. Turns out that's code for alcoholic cherry snow cone syrup. Which did provide me with the line " Man, I ain't shit my pants since I was twenty-seven! " For the record, my favorite author is HP Lovecraft. My takeaway was never, ever swim or float on, in, near, or near a painting of the ocean. Better include lakes to be sure. And iffit doesn't have fins reconsider your menu choice.
Considering the condition of the world around us we had immediately abandoned our lifelong commitment to living green and recycling. Throwing our refuse over the wooden railing wasn't an issue that required debate or reconsidering. Fort Mumbleblarrg, upon our commandeering, quickly became unfit to impress visiting colonels. Both of us passed out underneath the tilted umbrella, she under a thin blanket and I sporting a hideous shower curtain that was most certainly someone's stolen memento offa naughty liaison, the grey above us got brighter and dimmed. My eyebrows knitted upon being disturbed. Is today Wednesday? Forgot to set the cans out on the curb. Shitgoddamnmotherbitch the old couple two doors down are alcoholics. They're green container is full of-
Slowly raising my head and torso from the seat cushions I have the conscious thought that I really don't want to know what is making that waste management noise underneath my feet. I am tired of acquiring knowledge. My head is full, thank you. Try again next year. Mayhap by then I'll have finally succeeded in getting rid of those terrible '80s pop country lyrics that my parents thought would be useful to carry around with me for the rest of my life. Or that list of all the adverbs in the English language my frizzy-headed bitch offan AEGT teacher shoved in without permission. Then I'll have space for more data storage, but not now. Something is snorting and something is loudly crinkling. Maybe the social security office sent the wrinkly winos some of the CIA's cocaine stash covertly disguised as Sun Chips. They're humping furiously in the drainage ditch and feeling like teenagers again. That's sweet. Let 'em throw bottles and challenge life with a shaking skyward fist. She wassa cheerleader and he built an entire car from junkyard parts in Auto Shop. Their kid got dismembered five ways bya landmine, but that was at least six years ago. What-
Decking underneath vibrates as whatever is below us thuds against one of the support beams. A misty exhalation of partially digesting organic matter sprays into view on the other side of the railing. I still haven't sprung to my feet. Blood pressure hasn't come close to spiking. We all have our fetishes. Who am I to tell them what do after the evening news onna weekday? Can't believe you're poking me in the ribs to relate this story. Bullshit. You'll smile and wave when we drive by like always. A low, three second rumbling causes the deck to vibrate atta different wavelength. Fucking waves, man. No, I don't wanna go to the beach. They eat lots of cabbage and partake in excited conversations at mealtimes. They're passionate people. I am not getting out bed. That's what the largest sites on the internet are for. To see things like this whenever you wake up.
I. Am. Sleeping.
Go. Away.
Fuck. This.
Brown bears are smaller than black bears, which are in turn smaller than grizzlies. This one is grey. Its back sports the left arm and face offa human melted into it, off-center towards the animal's right flank. Impossible to tell if the face belongs tooa man or woman. Just the first two inches are showing, matted with the bear's greyed fur. The eyes are lidless and staring with tiny dots for pupils, pale brown eyes seeming to fade to grey with their surroundings. The left arm is active, flailing and grasping at anything that touches the palm momentarily. Mouth is slack, open, no tongue. I don't know how to judge how large the bear is. I think its bigger than a standard brown one, and I have no geographic clues. Fort Mumbleblarrg's newcomer is not okay with its tenants selfish policy of not sharing foodstuffs with the local wildlife, except insects. And its demanding toobe heard. I have been close tooa few brown bears before, seen pictures of the other ones, and I don't remember them having teeth this long and sharp. Jagged, like shark's teeth. At least they're not in rows. Huh. Whata strange thought.
An explosion, this one close enough to send flaming fist sized chunks of burning matter hailing down upon us and everything in sight. A searing blast of oven barrels directly sideways, transmuting the visible spectrum to the final day offa carnival, full of cheap plastic bottled whiskey, burnt sugar, understated menace, and malice overt. Both of us are thrown against the far railing. Almost losing consciousness, we scramble to toss several erupting couch cushions over the side before the rest of the upholstery ignites. The entire deck vibrates violently as the nightmare bear is thrown against the mooring posts, its jaws snapping several times like a shark's. A shriek far too reminiscent of human speech bellows from below. Laura is on her feet first, brandishing her sawtoothed machete but backing towards the sliding glass doors, one of which has cracked deeply but maintained its integrity. I follow her wide-eyed gaze to spy the offending creature coming into view as it woundedly staggers towards the riverbank. A two foot section of its rear flank is actively on fire, on the side opposite its unfortunate human addition. The human handed arm is flailing, fingers blurring. It becomes apparent that the unsettling sounds its making are also coming from the face enmeshed in the fur on its back. Unbelievably I find myself fascinated, unable to take in any other stimuli. Trailing an stench part burning hair and part Texas BBQ, it tumbles headfirst over a rocky ledge and is swept splashing fetid mudwater with the current. I lose my stomach contents over the railing, tannin-rich and sharply red. Behind me, a clang resounds as the machete hits now bare wood slats and a sound much more disheartening than any our mutant visitor had uttered bursts from Laura's lungs.
[ charred glass and copper, poly-fill and stuffed animals' eyes, once alive with children's imagination now splattered with phlegm and dirt
carousel uneven creaks flashing ticking bulbs in the humid summer air
the disappointment in her eyes
parasites replacing fish tongues
many eyed the reproach
ifs, not whens
dovecote abandoned
sharp stab upon kneeling]

Cheerleader has been out for like a week now. It’s so damn catchy. It’s a well written and produced song all around.
Separating the art from the artist, I’ve been a huge fan of his music since Spitfire, including Virtual Self. I didn’t really care to learn about who he is as a person for much of this obsession—since his instrumental music has historically done a lot of the talking. Going against the traditional bounds of EDM, I love his unique emphasis on atmosphere, Japanese-influenced aesthetic, and meticulous approach to production/composition on Worlds. During the pandemic, Nurture was a great, refreshing comeback record given the state of the world and his own struggles. Connecting over a general fascination for video games, nature, movies, TV shows and the creative process—these were all showcased through his instrumentals and stage visuals on both album cycles. After watching him perform live on his Nurture tour, I cannot think of another artist that blends their own songs in such a mellifluous way while still incorporating live instruments and making it feel like a concert instead of a dynamic-less rave.
But something I’ve picked up on throughout his interviews and how he presents himself through his music after the release of Nurture—this man is clearly full of himself. It seems like he wants to be a pop star so badly. The fact that him and his team used a clickbaity video just to announce that he finished his album is laughable. Like dude, just use the countdown to drop the first single and announce an upcoming album like normal bands/artists. As music lovers, we all know how many bands/artists love to tell media outlets that their music is “finished” well before it hits streaming services.
Regarding Cheerleader’s lyrics: ok, we get it dude, poor you for having a successful music career with obsessive parasocial fans. This whole “but I need her [the fanbase]” line is pretty cringey IMO. Like man, you have a seemingly very healthy relationship with your wife and family. You likely now have enough money to last you for the rest of your life. You’ve been showered with validation since you were a teenager. I am sure you are more than strong enough to have your own personal identity and happiness within your inner circle outside of your music career.
I think the video complements the song well, clearly taking influence from 2000s pop-punk/emo vibes. But, we get it Porter, you can play guitar now. It’s okay the show some love for the synths/keys— you know, the thing you mastered long ago that’s responsible for the catchy melody that makes the tune shine. At least play an actual acoustic guitar during the acoustic part for the love of god. There’s a clear shift from his persona compared to the Nurture videos—the make-up, boisterous hairstyle, direct eye contact with the camera—the man has low-key developed a new obsession over his appearance.
In his interview with Anthony Fantano, he quickly shifts from mentioning lyrical themes of mindfulness to unfullfilment from praise as an artist before landing with the statement “I hate the fact at any given moment I can look on Twitter and someone’s saying something about me.” How can he detest the praise yet continue to bathe in it over the last album cycle and in the new song? It's contradictory.
You're not The Beatles. At the end of the day you are your own person and you should make music for yourself. Any musicians out there reading this, please don’t base your identity around the loud minorities of the Internet and learn to not care so much about what others think. Stay humble out there.
TLDR: I'm autistic and got my dick stuck in the ceiling fan after listening to Cheerleader. I hate when DJs talk during their sets.

I'm not really sure how to start this post so I'll start with giving you the main people involved in this story. Just note that names will be changed for privacy reasons. The people are:

• Me (24)
• Mum (49)
• Dad (53)
• My younger brother Owen (21)
• And our youngest brother James (16)

So early at the start of the year, our Nana (our Mum's mum) passed away in the hospital. Her funeral was held at the end of January and everyone attended. Unfortunately, that also meant my Dad thought he should attend. Now something you should know is that my parents split up not long after James was born and Dad is a dickhead.
I don't like talking bad about someone behind their back (if you've got a problem with someone grow a backbone and just tell them) but when he was with Mum he was a violent drunk who abused Mum, Owen, and James since he was a little baby.
He would hit and verbally abuse Mum almost every day. I think the first time I realized it was either after my 7th birthday party or Christmas (they're very close together) and she pulled me aside and told me that she was pregnant and I was not to tell anyone. This was in December and he was born in May so I think she was around 4 months by then. Now, even as a 7-year-old who knew nothing about sex I still knew that you needed a Mum and a Dad to make a baby so when my Mum said tell no one I didn't even think that she meant Dad so when he got home that night I excitedly told him I was going to be a big sister again and how much a really wanted a little sister this time. I don't remember exactly what was said but I do remember my Dad suddenly getting super angry and started shouting at Mum before she got mad at me and sent Owen and me upstairs.
Things only got worse from there.
Again it wasn't like it was every day so either I'm not remembering some things right or my parents did a good job at hiding most of the abuse from me. Throughout most of her pregnancy, Dad would smack, insult, push, poke, and basically demean Mum any way he could. It didn't just stop at Mum though.
He soon started on Owen as well.
At this time he didn't hit Owen but he started to neglect him. He wouldn't play, talk, or even acknowledge Owen's existence at times. Owen has always loved our Dad, even now, and he craves Dad's attention so you can imagine what this rejection did to him at such a young age. Our rooms were next to each other and I could hear him crying some nights.
You would think that I suffered similar neglect and I did, but not from Dad.
Around the same time Dad started neglecting Owen, he seemed to fixate on me. He would always want to play with me, want to know what was happening with me and my friends, and would always offer to buy whatever I wanted whether it be sweets or toys. I was a daddy's girl back then but all this attention from him made me a little uncomfortable. At the time I chalked it up to the recent, relentless bullying I was suffering around the same time and Dad was just trying to show how much I was loved but it still didn't feel right to me.
When she saw how much Dad was neglecting Owen, Mum decided to focus all her attention on him and in turn she started to ignore me. I think in her mind since Dad was already giving me all his attention I could go on without her's but that wasn't true. Much like Owen idolised our Dad I was the same with Mum and her suddenly ignoring me hurt deeply.
One of the clearest memories I have around this time was when Owen and I had just gotten home from school. That day my brother's favorite football team visited the school and at the end of the day they were giving out footballs to the kids who wanted them and my brother got one. Dad greeted us both and Owen showed him the football he got and asked Dad if they could play a match together in the backyard. Dad, being the absolute asshole that he is, pushed Owen out of the way like he wasn't even there, walked over to me and lifted me up into a big hug. He then said:
Dad: Hello insert first and middle name here, how's my baby girl doing today? (kisses my cheek) Do you wanna watch a movie?
As Dad was talking to me I looked over his shoulder and my heart broke when I saw Owen just standing there with tears rolling down his cheeks and hugging the football close to his chest and he tried not to cry. Recalling it now is bringing tears to my eyes. Instead of answering my Dad I lied and said that the football team came to visit and now I wanted to play cheerleader so he and Owen would play football and I would pretend to be a cheerleader on the sidelines. He agreed and got excited when he heard about the team and wanted more details but I told him to ask Owen as I wasn't that interested (never got into football or most sports). You should have seen Owen's face light up when he and Dad played football and they talked.
For a while this solution seemed to work.
Dad would ask me what I wanted to do for the day and I would work it to be something my brother wanted to do and get them to hang out.
Sadly it couldn't last forever.
Dad lost his job and his drinking got worse and his abuse of Mum got worse too. He wasn't hitting her as much anymore, not that it mattered, but he now he was throwing things around and scaring all of us. It was things like if the dishes weren't cleaned he would smash them against the wall or if mine and Owen's toys weren't in the toybox by the end of the day he would break any toys left out in front of us.
I wish I could say that I was trying to help Mum out during this time but you would be very disappointed. Where Mum was concerned I would go out of my way to be as difficult as possible. I've gone over the reason why I was like that over and over again but in truth I have none and I'm so ashamed of how I acted. My Dad's constant abuse, my acting out, and the pregnancy all led to Mum having some kind of mental breakdown. One day she barged into mine and Owen's rooms and ordered us to pack a bag. Unsure at what to do we did as we were told and as soon as the bags were packed she forced us into the car and sped away from the house. If this was a movie you would think that Mum had finally come to her senses and was leaving Dad (he was out of the house at the time, probably at the pub) but this isn't a movie.
We drove for what felt like hours in the middle of the night and the pouring rain scared out of our minds and Mum was staying quiet. Eventually she stopped the car and dragged us out. She pushed us away (Owen slipped and fell in a muddy puddle), threw our bags at us and pointed up towards the large house we had stopped in front of.
Mum: Go knock on the door and tell them your parents don't want you anymore!
After she said that she got back into the car and began to drive off, leaving us behind. Owen started sobbing loudly and all I could do was stand there in shock and stare at the car as it left. Suddenly, just before she made the turn at the end of the road she stopped and began to reverse. As soon as she pulled up next to us and rolled down the window and shouted at us to get in. My memory is kinda of fuzzy after that and the next thing I know Owen and I are sitting on Nana and Granddad's sofa, soaking wet and shivering from the cold, and listening to Mum sobbing to her parents about what had happened and saying how her 'motherly instincts' had kicked in at the last second.
This incident all but destroyed my relationship with Mum but the details of that is another story for a different subreddit.
After James was born Mum almost immediately had to go back to work with even more hours to support her family. This meant that we were left with Dad for hours and it led to disaster. I wish I could say that my Dad was not so horrible to abuse a newborn baby but that wasn't the case. When he was left alone with James he would ignore him like he would with Owen. He would leave James to cry for hours on end and that would piss Owen off because he had to share a room with him. The worse happened when I caught Dad hitting James. The baby was crying again and Dad lashed out and smacked his leg, leaving a large, ugly red mark on his leg. Dad also refused to change his nappies or even feed James as according to him that was a woman's job. I don't know when I decided this, but for some reason I found myself looking after James AND Owen when Mum wasn't around. I didn't do a good job at first such as not putting the nappy on right so he would make a mess in his pants and I didn't realize that babies needed either breast milk or formula so I gave him milk from the fridge, making him sick.
Don't worry though, I realized my mistake quickly and began watching how Mum cared for James closely until I figured it out and started doing it right.
Something I forgot to mention was that we lived in a three-bedroom house and besides our parents, I had the biggest room whereas Owen had the smallest. When it was revealed Mum was having another boy it was decided that Owen and I would switch rooms so the boys could share.
One of the scariest and angriest memories I have was a month after James was born and Dad was left babysitting us again and he had been drinking. It was late and I was up in my room playing with my Littlest Pet Shop toys when James started crying again. He wasn't hungry or needed a change and I hadn't known about wind yet so I couldn't do anything to stop the crying. As I'm trying to figure out what was going on with James, I heard Dad yelling up from downstairs:
Dad: SHUT THAT FUCKING BRAT UP OR I'LL TOSS HIM OUT THE WINDOW!
I just ignore him at this point and focus on the baby. A few minutes later I heard Owen's voice talking to Dad but before I could figure out what was being said Dad suddenly started shouting and Owen started screaming. I rushed out to the landing and saw Dad dragging Owen up the stairs and into my new room. I could do nothing but watch as Dad lifted Owen up and threw him onto my bed. I can still hear the crack of Owen's head when it hit the wall against my bed. Without thinking I grabbed my Dad's arm and dragged him from my room. He was drunk and stumbling about so it made it easier to pull him around. As soon as he was out of my room I grabbed the baby and barricaded all three of us in my room, even putting my toybox up as some kind of block though looking back it wouldn't have done much. I propped James up against my giant pink horse plushie and went to check on Owen for any signs of a concussion. Mum and I used to watch Casualty religiously before all this so I knew to check to make sure his eyes were equal and reactive, which I did using a torch, and making sure his head wasn't bleeding. As I was checking him over, Owen suddenly asked me for a drink so I went to get him some milk. As I headed down to the kitchen Dad was nowhere to be found but at that moment I didn't give a damn. I poured him a glass of milk and soaked a small towel with cold water to make some kind of ice pack. I took them back upstairs but as I reached the top of the stairs I saw Dad standing in my bedroom doorway with his back towards me.
Have you ever heard the phrase "flew into a blind rage"? That's the only way I can think of to describe what happened next.
The second I registered that Dad was about to enter my room I dropped the glass and towel and charged at him. I kicked him in the back of his legs and he fell. As soon as he was within reach I proceeded to jump on him and started rotating between pulling his hair, scratching at his eyes, and punching his nose. Being a grown man, Dad managed to throw me off him but I was seeing red and got back up and charged at him again. He tried to get away but because he was so drunk he ended up running into the doorframe and fell down the stairs. I either didn't notice this or didn't care and was still chasing and kicking him as he fell down the stairs. As soon as he reached the bottom I jumped on him and started stomping on his chest and hitting him in the face again.
Owen's cries were the only thing that stopped me.
I heard him shouting for me and I looked up to see him standing at the top of the stairs in tears. I forgot all about Dad and left him there and went to check on my brothers. I moved them back into their room because it had James' crib and I refused to sleep that night. I stayed up and kept watch until morning and Mum came home.
Things get a little fuzzy again after that so I can't remember exactly what happened but a few days after that Dad was out of the house and Mum refused to take him back. I think he was arrested because I remember Mum taking us to the police station and she left us in the lobby while she went to talk to someone (still don't know who and we never went to court). No one bothered to tell us what happened or where he'd gone. He just wasn't there anymore and we were expected to accept it. A few years later I asked Nana about it and she only told me about the injures he sustained from my beatdown and congratulated me (miss you so much Nana).
I wish I could say things improved from there but it didn't.
Owen has always had rose-tinted one when it comes to Dad even after everything he's done so you can only imagine what he was thinking when Dad suddenly disappeared and no one was telling him anything. When he finally realized that Dad wasn't coming home he blamed everyone for "chasing Dad away" and the main people he blamed were Mum, me, and James. I'm not sure why he blamed Mum but he blamed me because me kicking that shit out of Dad drove him out of the house and he blamed James because, in his young mind, all our problems started as soon as Mum got pregnant with our baby brother. Sadly no one corrected him and this anger grew and grew. For almost 17 years Owen has become an angry, cold person who pushes people away. When he was a teenager he would get so violent that Mum had to call the police one time. For most of James' childhood, Owen would say horrible things like how much he hated him and how it was his fault that Dad left us until we put a stop to it. He has mellowed out somewhat now, but he's still extremely cold and distant and I only really see him when he leaves his room to grab food from the kitchen and when he uses the bathroom.
Unfortunately, Dad didn't stay out of our lives and would pop up every Christmas and birthday to give us money but we never knew where he was living because he would constantly move around to avoid paying child support. When it comes to our relationship with our Dad it's complicated.
As mentioned before Owen still adores our Dad and those few times a year he visits Owen practically rolls out the red carpet and treats that waste of space like he's a fucking king. Even though it's clear his oldest son loves him Dad doesn't even have the decency to act like he feels the same way and constantly dismisses and brushes Owen off.
Despite me beating the shit out of him and treating him like he treats Owen and telling him to piss off multiple times, Dad still treats me like his little princess and acts like we're practically BFFs. 🤢🤮😡
James and Dad probably have the best relationship out of all of us; that being they DON'T have one at all. Whenever Dad does show up he almost doesn't acknowledge his youngest's presence at all aside from a quick hello. Dad even tried to avoid paying child support for him by saying that James wasn't his and that Mum cheated on him. Everyone knew that was total BS however as James and I look identical to him whereas Owen takes more after Mum.
Now onto the incident that led to me writing this post.
It was my Nana's funeral not too long ago and my Dad was there. He had showed up at my work to ask me where the wake was being held, not the service itself. He must have thought there would be free alcohol served at the bar (there wasn't) so he attended the service just so he could follow us to the wake. It was a lovely service and the wake was nice too. A few hours in, however, I was talking to two of my aunts when James suddenly walked over to me and out of the blue asked:
"What happened between Owen and Dad?"
I glanced over to where Owen was sitting and was shocked by what I saw. Owen was sitting at a table looking dejected and sitting across from him were our parents. Mum and Dad were obviously drunk and Mum was tearing into Dad. I couldn't hear what was being said but I could see that she was pissed. I asked James what was going on and he shrugged, saying that Owen was trying to talk to Dad about something but Dad said something nasty to him and Mum just lost it.
James then repeated his question but I told him no and walked away, suddenly feeling like I couldn't breathe. One of my aunts followed me and we went into the ladies' room to talk. I confessed everything to her. I told her about the abuse, the neglect, my attack against him, and how it's affected Owen AND James.
My aunt was so furious and wanted to kill my Dad but I stopped her. Don't get me wrong, he deserves it but this day was about my Nana, not him. She relented but said need to talk to James, but I can't do that. I know that James is under no illusions that Dad is a good guy like Owen is and James knows Dad is a drunk but he doesn't know all the gruesome details and I intend to keep it that way. I have to live with those memories, he doesn't.
I know that if I told him everything then he might finally understand why his brother seemed to hate him but every time I think of telling him I suddenly feel like I can't breathe.
I'm his big sister. It is my job to keep them safe.
I already failed Owen, I can't let James down too. He doesn't need those images in his head, he doesn't need to hear Mum and Owen's screams or feel their pained stares as Dad showers me with affection while they're covered with bruises. He doesn't need to feel the judgemental looks from our family as if you're the only reason that bastard keeps coming back.
But maybe my aunt is right and James has a right to know. I feel like I'm going nuts and I just need someone to set me straight and let me know if I'm in the wrong or not.
AITAH?

The evening did finally end, of course, but not until quite late and not until I had experienced still more humiliating moments. Brooke and I discussed it the next morning at the kitchen table after Luke left for football practice in anticipation of a home game the following Sunday.
“What am I going to do?”
“Why are you so worried? It wasn’t that bad.”
“Wasn’t that bad?! One of my best friends, who also happens to be my colleague, now knows that I’m a submissive cuckold who is kept in chastity and punished by his wife’s ex-husband. Not to mention your friend, Laura. How much worse could it be?!” When I was upset, my voice was annoyingly (even to me) high pitched.
“With Luke? A hell of a lot worse. I thought he was remarkably restrained, if anything.”
She was probably right, but that was little consolation. “I can’t believe this.” I cupped my forehead with my hand in despair.
“Calm down. You can trust Neil, can’t you? He’s not going to tell anyone if you ask him not to, I’m sure.“
“I hope you’re right. I’m going to talk to him on Monday. But how can I ever look him in the eye again? We’re peers. How can he ever respect me again?“
“Neil is an intellectual. He respects you for your mind. Like I do. And he’ll continue to respect you.”
“You really respect me for my mind?“
“Not when you ask me stupid questions like that, I don’t.”
“Great.”
“Look, Walter, we’ve been over this a hundred times. I love your mind. I love you. But, physically, it’s a different story. When it comes to the physical, the sexual side of things — even your ability to stand up for yourself — you’re a complete beta. But Neil isn’t going to care about that. As far as Laura is concerned, I’ll make her promise not to tell anybody. And even if she does, it’s not like she travels in the same social circles as you. I don’t think she has any other connections to the college besides me.”
“I sure hope you’re right, Brooke,” I repeated. “Otherwise, I’m completely screwed.”
I silently cherished her phrase “I love you,” believing it and yet thinking how complex a thing love is. There are supposedly eight different types of love. I believed then (and still do today) that I hold the central place in Brooke’s heart when it comes to Philia (deep friendship), Ludus (playful love), Pragma (longstanding love) and even Storge (family love). Unfortunately, it is Luke who owns her heart with respect to perhaps the two most uncontrollable types of love, Eros (sexual passion) and Mania (obsessive love). It seems to me that those two, arguably lust more than love, go hand in hand, usually.
“You need to chill out. Everything will be fine. I can tell you one thing, though. I think my matchmaking experiment might’ve been a resounding success. Laura really likes Neil, and I think he feels the same way. In fact, he’s already asked her out on a date.”
“Well, that’s good, at least,” I replied. Even though I wasn’t sure it was good at all, to be honest (“Where did you two meet each other?” “Oh, we met at the dinner party where I learned that my good friend is a submissive cuckold. He waited on us all night like a servant.” “Wow, that’s interesting. Who’s your friend?”…).
On Monday morning, I ran into Neil in the hallway of the English department. He had just finished his lecture class on the Bloomsbury Group novelists as I was walking to my Male Masochism in Medieval Romances class.
“Hi, Walter. Saturday was a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Neil, I need to talk to you for a few minutes.”
“Sure. Why don’t you come by my office around 3:30?”
“Thanks, I’ll see you then.”
“Great. Would you mind bringing me a large coffee from Corner Cafe?” Corner Cafe was our on-campus coffee shop, about a ten minute walk from our building.
“Uh, okay…how do you take your coffee?”
“Just a little milk and one package of sugar. It’s just that I’m going to be coming directly from class and I always need a pick-me-up around that time of day. I won’t have time to stop by the coffee shop myself. You understand, right?”
“Yes, sir. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that. Yes, Neil, no problem. I’ll see you at 3:30.”
Neil smiled at me and said, “We all make Freudian slips once in awhile, don’t worry about it. I’ll see you in a bit.”
As I was standing in line at Corner Cafe to get him his coffee, I wondered to myself if, after my servile performance on Saturday evening, Neil now viewed me as his gofer? Could I blame him if I did? I then told myself I was being foolish and should simply accept his explanation at face value that he didn’t have time to go to the coffee shop himself. He was doing me a favor by meeting, after all.
Neil and I started teaching at the college the same year, and are about the same age (he’s about 9 months older than me). We’ve always had a friendly rivalry, but have been professionally supportive of one another. Neil hadn’t made tenure yet when we had this awkward conversation in his office (I had good-naturedly teased him about me getting tenure first), but did receive it less than a year later. As I explained early in my story, neither Brooke or I had many close friends, but in Ohio at least, Neil was my closest. As I now look back on the surreal two years that have elapsed since that conversation, I’m pleased to say that he remains a good friend. That’s not to say he hasn’t partaken in my humiliation. He has, as you shall see.
“Here’s your coffee,” I said, handing him the cup as I entered his office and closed the door behind me that afternoon.
“What, no ‘sir’?” My face must’ve dropped because he immediately said, “Come on, Walter, I’m only kidding. Sit down.”
“I’m sorry, my sense of humor is not so good these days. I wanted to talk to you about Saturday, obviously. I’m so humiliated. I want to ask you – no, beg you — to please not tell anyone else. Especially not Benkins.” Andrew Benkins was our Department Chair.
“Don’t be silly. Of course, I won’t. I’ll admit that the whole situation is strange to me, but I have to admire the lengths you’re willing to go to do research on your book.”
“Thank you. But that’s not the real reason.”
“I didn’t think so.”
“Look, I really do want to better understand the psychology of submission and masochism in cuckolding relationships. I really do believe there are fascinating parallels between these relationships and the love triangles in medieval courtly love. Maybe Luke is helping me understand the dynamics of this kind of relationship better. I’m certain he is, in fact. There’s a big difference between the fantasy of it and the reality of it.”
“There is with most things.”
“Yes. And Luke is also helping me with my diet and fitness, I suppose.”
“That’s super important! You know how I’ve been on you for years about taking better care of yourself.”
“I know. But none of those are the real reason. The real reason that I’m…submitting myself to this…humiliation…the real reason is that I don’t want to lose Brooke. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love her.”
“Brooke is awesome. So, she wants this?”
“Yes. She doesn’t want to be married to Luke again. She wants to be married to me. She doesn’t have much in common with him intellectually. But physically, she is addicted to him. To his…you know.” I stared down at the floor.
“His cock, you mean.”
“Yes. He’s hung like a walrus.”
“I see.”
“But it’s not just his cock. It’s his dominance. The way he dominates her, and…the way he dominates me. It turns her on like nothing else. And not just sexually. It turns her on mentally. Brooke thinks of it all as a game, in some ways.”
“And you? Does it turn you on, too? Do you also see it as a game?”
“I don’t know. Yes, and no. I’m terribly conflicted, to be honest. It turns me on that it turns her on. The fact that it turns me on, turns her on even more. It’s sort of a vicious cycle. There are many aspects to it that do feel like a game, but a very serious one, with high stakes. And the game is exciting sometimes. It’s also incredibly humiliating, not to mention painful, much of the time. But sometimes that makes it more exciting. This is probably not making any sense to you. You probably have to be true masochist to really understand. I guess that’s what I am.”
“Look, I can’t say I personally understand what you’re talking about, but I’ve read Krafft-Ebing and Albert Moll, and Wilhelm Stekel. I have a general idea of what you’re getting at. I don’t judge you for it, Walter. Either of you.”
“Thank you, Neil. I truly appreciate your keeping it quiet.”
“Don’t mention it. You don’t need to worry about me.” Then, almost as if reading my mind, he added, “How about that Laura? She’s a lot of fun. I’m taking her to a movie and dinner next Thursday.”
“Good luck with her. She’s very pretty.”
As I started to leave his office, Neil said, “You probably could do a lot worse than Luke as your dominant bull, you know.”
“You really think so? To me, he’s an arrogant, anti-intellectual, autocrat-loving, grievance-filled, misogynistic brute. Not to mention a dumb jock, the kind I used to hate in high school.”
“To me, he seems like a pretty nice guy. He’s also very successful, so it sounds to me like you’re underestimating his intelligence. Maybe he has a bit of a point about your elitism, Walter.”
“Maybe you’re right. But you don’t really know him like I do. You’ve only spent a few hours him, one evening. Believe me, Luke is a textbook asshole. Anyhow, thanks again. I really mean it.”
“I know you do. See you later.”
So, overall, I felt somewhat better about things after that conversation. Still, I also had a feeling of unease—one no doubt exacerbated by Neil’s unbelievable remark that Luke seemed like a nice guy.
The following Sunday, Brooke and I attended Luke’s team’s second home game. Brooke dressed in her skimpy cheerleading uniform, much to the delight of Luke’s teammates (as well as their opponents, no doubt). I’m sure Brooke was humiliated, but seeing her erect nipples pushing out the top of her uniform, she was clearly aroused as well. Observing her with Luke these past several months, I had concluded that Brooke must be a switch of sorts — so in control with me, so acquiescent with him.
In public, I was spared from having to wear my matching pink uniform that I wore at home to send off and greet Luke before and after his away games. Instead, I wore a male cheerleader’s uniform Brooke and Luke ordered for me from some on-line retailer that made customized uniforms. It was in the colors of Luke’s team (white, blue and gold) with the name of his team emblazoned across the chest. The pants and shirt were long but tight, a clingy, synthetic, uncomfortable fabric. The shirt exposed about an inch of midriff (more when I jumped or stretched, in mid cheer) and the gold was glittery (unlike the players’ uniforms). It was about as emasculating as it could possibly be for a nominally male uniform, especially on an overweight, 38 year old wearing a chastity cage. This effect, of course, was made much worse by the fact that, with Brooke, I was required to wave pom poms in the team’s colors during several of the routines we had rehearsed. The field was only about a half hour’s drive from campus, so I was constantly in dread of being seen by one of my current or former students, or someone else who knew me through the college.
Because it was a brisk, windy fall afternoon, we both wore jackets when not cheering; Brooke’s completely bare, taut midriff was especially vulnerable. Luke expected us to cheer at the start of the game, anytime his team scored, and especially anytime he made an open field tackle, or some other notable play. And also, of course, if they won — which they did decisively (24-6) that afternoon. Luke had three quarterback sacks and 8 open field tackles, so Brooke and I cheered our asses off. We moved so much that we didn’t need to wear our jackets for most of the game despite the temperature; in fact, we were both quite sweaty by its conclusion.
With the exception of twin 10-year-old girls, the daughters of the team’s place kicker, Brooke and I were the only cheerleaders in attendance. Luke’s teammates thought it was hilarious that he had his ex-wife and her new husband cheering him on, in such humiliating attire. The two girls were also highly amused. When not cheering, I did double duty as the team’s towel boy— though I was probably at least a decade older than all of them except possibly for the kicker—bringing Luke and his teammates towels and liquid refreshments throughout the game. I also had to pick up their sweaty towels and stuff them into an enormous duffel bag at the conclusion of the game, following which Luke generously volunteered my services of washing everyone’s towels back at our home. Why not their dirty uniforms, socks and underwear, too, I wondered bitterly to myself. As it turned out, the following season and thereafter, after the city’s new field was completed with adjacent locker rooms and shower stalls, I did indeed become responsible for collecting all of their sweaty clothes to take home to wash and dry. That’s still the case today. It takes five or six loads each time, and multiple hours.
While Luke was on the field playing defense in the fourth quarter, his team’s running back, a light skinned black man, probably only in his mid 20s, said to me (in front of Brooke and two offensive linemen), “Damn man. You’re married to Luke’s ex, and you’re wearing that ridiculous uniform and cheering him on and shit? Bringing him towels and shit? With your wife dressed that way, jumpin around with her tits bouncing up and down. That’s fucked up.”
Before I had a chance to respond— not having any clue what I would say to him (and basically agreeing with everything he had said to me)— one of the offensive lineman (a huge white guy, probably 300 pounds) bailed me out.
“Leave him alone, Buckner. Luke’s just up to his usual shit.”
The third player (also huge) added, “Yeah, come on, Buckner, you know Hanover. He’s got trophy cucks the way some guys have trophy wives.”
“Yeah, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen him with a trophy EX-wife,” said the first lineman. All three of them laughed.
Just then Luke had his third and final sack of the day. The larger of the two massive lineman said to Brooke, “Your man just got another sack, sugar tits. Time to look alive. You too, cuck.” I could take being called cuck, but I deeply resented this gigantic oaf referring to Brooke in that demeaning manner. I wanted to punch him in the face. Still, I had no wish to be hospitalized, so I grabbed my pom poms and followed Brooke out onto the sidelines.
And, so, we launched into our cheer celebrating Luke specifically (“Stronger than steel…”). I executed my moves with enthusiasm, still recalling the pain of the spanking Luke had administered with his bare hands in our living room following his team’s victory in its home opener three weeks earlier, after finding my cheerleading efforts to be lackluster.
At the conclusion of today’s game, after being named MVP by his teammates, Luke sat on the top step of the bleachers surrounded by them, sipping a large bottle of Gatorade I had brought him. Brooke and I sat on the bottom step, catching our breath after our post game cheer.
“Man, my feet are killing me,” he announced. Looking at Brooke and me, he simply said, “Massage,” nodding at his feet.
Brooke and I quickly ascended the steps, kneeling on the one two below where his feet were resting. We each removed one of his shoes and socks, and began kneading his soles in unison. Luke looked around with an entitled, self-satisfied expression.
His teammates were not shy about commenting on this unusual spectacle.
“Must be good to be Hanover.”
“Must suck to be the cuck.” General laughter.
“The way you were running around there today, Hanover, your feet must stink to high heaven.”
The running back was the first to leave, while Brooke and I were still working on Luke’s feet. As he walked down the steps past me, he looked down and caught my eye momentarily, saying, “Fucking pathetic. Have some dignity, man.” He was like a one man Greek chorus in the sordid, surreal little drama in which I found myself. Would it end in tragedy, I wondered?
Luke and Brooke couldn’t even wait until they got home. He took her from behind in the backseat of his truck, after instructing me to drive to an empty corner of the field parking lot. I sat in shame in the driver’s seat, glancing several times in the rear view mirror, usually following some particularly loud moan or yelp emanating from Brooke or loud smacking of flesh against flesh. Afterwards, I drove them home (nervous driving such a huge vehicle for the first time, a very different experience than driving my 2011 Prius), thereby adding chauffeur to cheerleader, towel boy and foot masseur on my ever expanding list of servile responsibilities. And all of those on that one day alone.
Fucking pathetic, indeed.

Myth,
I miss sleeping in your room, even though mine was right across the hall. It was the only time I’d actually get sleep, because I just wanted to spend time with you so I’d actually put my phone on dnd and put it face down so it wouldn’t light up. I never did that in my own room, and I sure as hell don’t do it now in this tiny, lonely studio. In fact, I stay up doom scrolling all night because I can’t sleep anyways. You’re in my mind when I’m awake and in my dreams when I’m asleep, so at least when I’m awake I can kind of control the thoughts.
I know we’ll come back together eventually because we’re soulmates. I also know that there’s a lot of work to be done first. I have to earn your trust back and show you that I am the same girl you fell in love with, but I can’t do that until you break no contact, because if I do, I know I’d be crossing a huge boundary for you and I want to show you I respect your boundaries.
I miss so many things about us. I miss the way you’d drift off into a quiet slumber on my chest even though you’d always say you can’t fall asleep that way. I miss the way we’d sing along to music in the car, and you’d always sing the lower parts and I’d sing (badly) the higher parts. I miss laying my head on your shoulder while we watch one of the shows we’re showing the other. I miss washing your hair for you in the shower, and making you feel loved and comfortable and happy as I did so. I miss the way you’d show up to my work unexpectedly and find me down a random aisle, and somehow you always knew when I needed it most. I miss hearing about your job, and what the kiddos did this time. I miss the way you’d save every selfie I took and sent to you on Snapchat. I miss the way you’d look at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I miss telling you that you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. I miss the late nights full of passion and love, and the way we’d look into each others eyes. I miss stealing your stuffy and hiding it in the blanket and pretending I didn’t even though we both knew I was lying because I couldn’t stop giggling. I miss you putting up with my swiftieness and the way you’d listen to even the most out there theories that I’d tell you. I miss you sending me songs, and me sending you them too. I miss playing Pokémon Go. I miss the way we’d hold each other when we cried, the way neither of us had ever been comforted the way we comforted each other. I miss you telling me I was doing better. I miss you being my biggest cheerleader when it comes to school. There’s so many things I want to tell you about from my history class, because I know you love history. I miss hearing camp stories, and the way you’d burst into camp songs randomly. I’d always pretend I hated it jokingly, but you knew I loved it. I miss our late night trips to the grocery store down the road or the donut shop a mile away, just because we wanted a snack. I miss the way you always had a spot in your bed for me, even though we had our own bedrooms. I miss us talking all of the time. I miss your smile. I miss your big brown eyes and the way they looked at me. I miss your soft skin. I miss yours hands holding mine. I miss being cuddled up next to you. I miss every piece of you. I miss being close to you, so I still cuddle the stuffed dog you won me at the fair a year and a half ago. I haven’t slept without him since then, basically.
I know I have so much work to do on myself. I know you have to find yourself. I know I hurt you, something I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for. But I said it once and I’ll say it again: we’re not just a single book. We’re a series, and this series is still being written.
I know you don’t use reddit anymore and I’m pretty positive you would have never been on this subreddit anyways. I can’t imagine any of your friends being in here either. So I’ll post this letter here, knowing it’ll never feel the warmth of your eyes reading it.
I’ll always love you, and I know that even if you don’t want to accept it right now because of everything… you’ll always love me too. I’m the most impatient person you know, but I’ll wait forever for you.
I hope you know that.
Forever and always, Your Kala.

SORRY I'M LATE! this was such a slog, y'all, it was hard to even find the jokes that weren't already making themselves, so, i turn it all over to you, with love 💚

• greeting stans, etc.
• we're in the kitchen with a special light and everything, but she doesn't know what we're gonna do today, other than knowing that she needs to make some more shampoo.
• she'd like to know if we hear any high pitched noises ( i do not ) and is having herself a little tangent about how all of her forest footage was ruined yesterday by the pixel phone, and that's why we're streaming on the iphone today! woot!
• "what's even the point of even having my pixel if i can't use it to freaking film?! UGH!"
• more stan greetings.
• more phone complaining: she "really loves the pixel" but it's caused "a lot of issues", etc. she keeps making the frustrated "UGH" sound through gritted teeth, quite the sensory experience.
• time to hack up a lung! lodane suggests she's been "smokin' that dank before stream," and cynthia denies it bc "too paranoid" 🙄
• uh oh! we're getting dangerously low on rosemary! we're also low on sage and lavender. i'm sure that's not a hint, tho.
• "tornado?! we had a tornado warning the other day but nothin' ever came," and we're right back to talking about her and her lovely, magical, wonderful day hiking in the north woods like nbd, y'all.
• looks like 5 ppl here + me
• ooo, she's using her emotional support meat grinder box that's never been opened for a tripod.🎶 memories / light the corners of my mind / misty watercolor memories / of the way we were 🎶
• cheap, steel sauce pan on the scale, 1/2 oz of rosemary ( good for hair growth), 1/4 oz lavender, 1/4 oz of sage ( both good for brunette hair ), 2 cups spring water.
• she's knows her latest vlogs have been "light hearted", but don't worry! she's got "some heavy sh*t" to drop on us in the next vlog. oh, goodie.
• it's not tea, tho. it's just therapy and recovery stuff. stuff that she's been goin' through, personally. is there ever any other sort of stuff, cynthia?
• the dickus' beer is still in her fridge but it's cool, guys. she hasn't gotten rid of it bc she figures, eventually, someone will come over and drink it.
• "it feels wrong to throw away away beer! that's not how i was raised!"
• pot on stove, heat on medium, herb saturation commences.
• she's not prepared, and now it's time to drag us through the apartment to search for a funnel.
• desktop PC is still broken, which is why no sims streams, but she's excited to share the little "command center" ( cyber altar? ) she's got sprawled out on her dining table. 2 desks just are not enough to contain her flow.
• "i trust in my ability to navigate through life's changes and uncertainties." - positive affirmation on the herb cabinet. "and i really do! i believe my positive affirmations now... I THINK I AM AN AWESOME PERSON AND I LOVE MYSELF!" mother earth have mercy.
• time to complain about how much doing everything on the laptop sucks -- she says lodane is gonna help her fix the desktop.
• she's been feeling very happy over the past couple of weeks, y'all. she has so many projects planned even tho she regularly overwhelms herself by planning so many projects lol the absurdity.
• she's filming a new vlog tomorrow which will include stuff she's been dealing with, stuff she's been going through, and some of the realizations she's had about herself + a house cleansing / blessing.
• babbling at chat -- she just cindy'splained post-it notes 😂 someone aced a job interview and cynthia had exactly 1, "that's awesome!" for them before going right back to talking about herself.
• like about her new state of being: "i'm just letting everything flow in and out of my life as it will, i'm just here, i'm just riding the wave, you know what i mean? where ever it goes, where ever it takes me," she says, red-faced and laughing. huh.
• cynthia is giving everyone a short history lesson about the hot springs, arkansas world's shortest st patrick's day parade and seems salty that this years z-list guest of honor was a dallas cowboys cheerleader.
• she insists that she went by herself, you naughty lil snarkers, and is describing how she met some people and how great she is about pushing herself outside of her comfort zone. her face is bright red, she can't stop playing with her hair and smirking, tho.
• nervously detailing her schedule -- vlog yesterday, therapy on monday, lots of babbling about how wonderful EMDR has been for her, even tho she's only been doing it for a few weeks lol and they do other stuff, too, y'know. cynthia gets resources. like "the 4 agreements" by don miguel ruiz.
• apparently, if you live your life by these 4 agreements, your whole life will be better. this sounds right up cynthia's alley.
• 1. be impeccable with your word. speak with integrity, say only what you mean, avoid using the word to speak against yourself? or to gossip about others. use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. lol uh oh 2. don't take anything personally. nothing others do is bc of you. what others say and do is a projection of their own dream. when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. predictably, she really likes this one. peak smug. 3. don't make assumptions. find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. with just this one agreement, you could completely transform your life. she thinks this one is great, especially for her, for all of the reasons you presume lol "i'll just go along with stuff that i don't really want to go along with and then i'll end up resenting the person that i'm going along with." huh. you don't say. 4. always do your best. your best is going to change from moment to moment. it will be different when you're healthy as opposed to sick. under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret. hooo boy, this is all pure gold for a severely disordered, cluster B youtuber. she can't even pick the one she likes the best.
• everyone is very impressed with her newly acquired, superhuman ability to simply push any negative thoughts she has right out of her pretty little head bc they simply aren't true and cynthia's not here to live her life based on lies.
• lots of self-congratulatory, self-help prattling goin' on. 99% cured. happier and happier!
• she doesn't really mind being alone anymore. when she remembers having somebody else there in her space, she thinks that it sounds "so annoying" now.
• she's asking us about the weather lol dogs are doing well.
• lodane expresses great gratitude for living alone and cynthia concurs. she's only had 1 roommate for about a year between 1st and 2nd husband, and it wasn't too bad. she had one end of the trailer and he had the other. he wasn't too hard to live with until his girlfriend moved in el oh el oh el oh el
• she doesn't want to live with anyone unless she's "bangin' them", and even then...
• time is finally up on her over-boiled and fully steeped herb mixture -- time to strain it directly into the bottle!
• add however much castile soap you feel like to your rosemary-lavender-sage tea, add however much rosemary essential oil you have left, alert the audience for the 10th time how low you're running on everything, add 5 or 6 drops of lavender essential oil, add 1 dropper full of geogard ECT preservative so it doesn't get all "moldy and funky" in your shower, keep talking about how many supplies you need replenished, shake, and voila! shampoo! it looks like literal swamp water 🤭 but smells amazing.
• she's moved the dark mystery pilea "shadow work" plant ( it's a him now for anyone keeping track ) from the plant shelf to the coffee table and if it's important enough for cynthia to document, it's important enough to mention.
• rent in hot springs is "insane" and she's feeling lucky that she got the deal that she did. she's loving apartment life as a single lady bc she can just call maintenance and not have to be worried or be bothered with all of that. she's no longer even interested in buying a house any time soon bc she's not going to do it alone, btw.
• she's been out of coke zeroes for 2 whole days and she hasn't bought any, but mostly bc she doesn't want to go to the store lol still, a win is a win is a win when you're cindy. "i'm gettin' healthy by bein' lazy."
• oopsie daisy! the PO box auto-renewed for 6 months after she ignored the letter they sent her about it.
• we're at the part of the stream where stans just ask inane questions, so, it's about to get random, y'all.
• she likes to burn incense in the kitchen bc her entire apartment reeks when she burns the bacon, she hates silicone ice trays and prefers the $0.50 hard plastic "cracky boys", but loves the silicone trays for making wax melts, and other crafts she doesn't do, nothing in the apartment needs fixing atm, she keeps empty soda boxes and plastic folgers coffee containers in her "empty, sad, and dirty" fridge, thinks she'll need to take an entire day to wipe her fridge out, cletus' condiments ( weird mustards, horseradish, peanut butter, etc. ) are all still in there bc she'd never, ever eat any of that stuff.
• someone suggests a "clean your fridge livestream", which she could be doing right now rather than bore me to death about why she keeps coffee in there when the internet tells her not to or why she keeps the pepto in it, she doesn't drink beer, she says it's disgusting and tastes like carbonated piss in case anyone cares to remember oktoberfest 2023, she used to keep her coffee in the cabinet when someone was there and the fridge was always full of food, the apt complex sends an exterminator to spray for bugs every 3 mos, there are spiders outside in the summer ( ?? wtf, y'all 😂 ), and cynthia's terrified of spiders. one time, cletus opened a door and a spider fell on him. riveting.
• 3 biggest fears are buried alive, heights, and spiders, she experiences the call of the void and cannot trust herself anywhere high up, "big ass, hairy tarantulas" used to come out at one of her old places in hot springs, someone made a saw joke and she didn't get it, her sister was once stung by a scorpion while their parents weren't home, cynthia would never bungee jump, skydive, or scuba dive bc she's also afraid of the ocean, she once went down a reddit rabbit hole about cave diving and decided that those people are all stupid, needs to go to the grocery store after the stream to get food and coke zero, has to feed and walk the dogs, make a hair rinse, work on her website, and do some meditation and "some spiritual stuff" ( with jazz hands ), and watch self-help youtube videos,
• she's stopped listening to all true crime bc it was just putting her on "a bad vibration" and although she finds it fascinating, she needs that out of her life bc she's "cleaning up her mental space", she's stopped listening to "certain music" ( as yet, unnamed ) bc it was bringing her down, she's only listening to things that are uplifting and positive, she's disappointed with the stan who mentions old fashioned coca cola recipes without mentioning "THE COCAINE!", she didn't tell her therapist ( singular ) that she's into true crime but she's sure the therapist would tell her not to listen to it, but she just decided that all on her own bc she could tell how it makes her feel and omg, please F'ing kill me now, and she's really trying to stay in tune with her inner self and how she feels about things and keep things out of her life that are "toxic".
• she wants no negativity, only positivity, blah blah blah.
• she likes diet coke but prefers coke zero, she's really trying to stick to "spring water", trying to get healthier in all aspects of her life, mostly focused on her mental health but also on her physical health, she's still working out, has been unsuccessful at avoiding fast food, she spent all of her teenage years in downtown hot springs "causin' trouble", cynthia wishes she could grow opium poppies, she wants to grow roses on her covered balcony, she wants to come up with more projects to do for streams instead of her just ranting about pOsItIvItY aNd sH*t, cynthia wants and wants and wants, she's thinking of doing "extended versions" of her vlogs in streams.
• time to wrap it up! F*CKING FINALLY! more vlogs to come, maybe sims streams if lodane can help with her computer, no sims streams if they can't, we all saw how sad her fridge was, we all know she needs to go to the grocery store, and she'll try to resist the coke zero / diet coke. lucky us. BYEEE!

Hi!
So, between volume 17 finally returning to cover pairs and the lastest chapter leak, it all got me thinking about cover pairs in general, so I decided to do my usual full reread of the manga, this time focusing on cover pair interaction and I listed them all to see who has the most moments together.
Down here is a recap of them, with the number of the chapter it happens and a quick explanation of what happens, duo focus chapters are treated as a whole since explaining them in detail would take too much, if a moment is directly followed by one another in the same 'normal' chapter they're counted together, but if there's enough space between them they're counted as separate. Skip to the end if you only want to see the results. I may have missed something that happened in the background but I did my best.
I tried to avoid moments when a girlfriend outside the pair is part of the interaction/moment, but I added the most 'obvious ones' still.
Mind you this is only Cover Pairs, so pairs that interact a lot but aren't a duo in a cover (say Nano/Mimimi, Ahko/Karane, Ahko/Suu, Yaku/Naddy, Hakari/Yamame, Hahari/Kishika are excluded) I could've included those as an extra, but the moment I thought of that idea I was already half-way through, so meh, maybe next time. This also excludes Kusuri since she is her own cover pair.
Anyway, here goes:
(Damn it, Reddit kept changing the first numbers
Hakari/Karane:
Chapter 1. Full chapter.
Chapter 2. Full chapter.
Chapter 3. Hakari and Karane argue over a book.
Chapter 3. Hakari and Karane are talking about animal nuggets while Rentarou is with Shizuka.
Chapter 3. Karane gets worried that Hakari is crying when Rentarou introduces Shizuka to them.

1. Hakari teases Karane about kissing Rentarou.
   
2. Hakarane Catapult and first solo kiss.
   
3. The two are embarrassed about the kiss and agree to act like they don't remember it happened.
   
4. Karane saves Hakari from the Gorilla Alliance and Hakari is enthralled by how cool she looks
   

14.5. Karane recognizes Hakari's boobs just by touching them.

1. Karane traps Hahari in a choke hold so Rentarou can go save Hakari and tells her to 'Don't look down on the live between friends'.
   
2. Karane slaps Hakari and the two cry together after Rentarou barely managed to save her.
   
3. Another kiss while hugging and sleeping.
   
4. Hakari translates Karane's tsunderism.
   
5. Baby Karane fights baby Kurumi over sucking Hakari's boobs.
   
6. Hakari gets jealous of Karane almost kissing Hahari.
   
7. Hakari teases Karane about her small chest.
   
8. Karane calls Hakari out for striking a sexy pose after being eliminated.
   
9. The two have a talk about... Baby-making... With one another.
   
10. Hakari teases Karane about getting complimented.
    
11. Hakari and Karane join forces to stop Hahari from stripping.
    
12. Hakari teases Karane about the way she hugs Rentarou.
    
13. Another kiss.
    
14. After Hakari is trapped by the hair, Karane refuses to leave her 'even if it kills her'.
    
15. Hakari teases Karane about her small chest and then Karane teases her back about Meme's chest being even bigger.
    
16. The two hide together which leads to a 69.
    
17. Hakari teases Karane about her strength.
    
18. Hakari is happy that shy Karane likes her boobs.
    
19. Full chapter.
    
20. Hakari teases Karane about her liking her own merch.
    
21. Hakari and Karane make a double lariat on Hahari.
    
22. Another kiss.
    
23. Hakari teases Karane about her outfit.
    
24. Hakari and Karane hug.
    
25. Hakari imitates Karane's pose and speech.
    
26. The two have a 'face reality' talk regarding Karane's chest.
    
27. Karane calls Hakari 'heavy' which she gets upset about, and afterwards, Hakari calls Karane 'a contrarian' which she gets upset about.
    
28. Another kiss, this time with baby Hakari.
    
29. Another kiss.
    
30. Hakari teases Karane to make her use her full strength.
    
31. The two dance together at the festival.
    
32. Breast baton pass.
    
33. Hakari and Karane tease each other after getting first place.
    
34. Both Hakari and Karane awaken certain urges after watching the 'adult bit' of a certain movie.
    
35. Karane calls Hakari a Kalbi (a meat dish full of fat) and Hakari answers by calling her a Loin (a meat dish with no fat)
    
36. Hakari and Karane have a word-for-word identical reaction to the same cabbage dish.
    
37. Either two kisses or a quite long one seeing as they're different scenes.
    

113.5. Indirect kiss by kissing Rentarou. (They're the only pair specifically called out for this along with Hahari/Kurumi)
113.5. Acting like they don't know they kissed each other in chapter 110.

1. Hakari teasing Zombie nurse Karane.
   
2. Zombie nurse neck BITE from Karane.
   

122.5. The teasing from chapter 116 continues.

1. Hakari and Karane get paired together to look for Rentarou and Hakari starts teasing her about being scared while using Karane as a human shield. Then Hakari has stop Karane when she gets mad at a Yokai for calling her flat.
   
2. Hakari teases Karane about her bread bun tasting sweet.
   

140.5. Hakari smiles at Karane thinking of using her bread buns in her bra.

1. Hakari calls out 'massive closet pervert' Karane for smiling after they say Rentarou can only marry one of them.
   
2. While swapped in Ahko and Uto's bodies, Hakari and Karane still argue about Hakari's usual pervert demeanor.
   
3. The arguing from 148 continues. This time about Karane being the perv.
   
4. Bodies swapped with each other near the end.
   
5. Hakari and Karane fight for the same headrests, which ends in Hakari teasing Karane about her small chest.
   
6. Hahari calls out Karane for saying Usage's infiltration wouldn't work even though it perfectly did.
   

Total: 61 moments + 3 chapters.
Shizuka/Nano:

1. Nano is seen helping Shizuka swim.
   
2. Nano gives Shizuka a flower crown.
   
3. Nano starts glitching by the level of absurdity of Kusuri's drugs and Shizuka tries to get her to snap back.
   
4. Shizuka drools while she takes several pictures of prince Nano.
   
5. Nano recognizes Shizuka in Karane's body and gives her her phone right away.
   
6. The two are reading books together.
   
7. Nano headpats Shizuka.
   
8. Nano feels guilty after making Shizuka cry when she fake-stabbed Mei.
   
9. Nano tries to eliminate Shizuka from the game, hesitating before the final shot, but one of Shizuka's blind shots hits her before she can fire and the two pose together afterwards.
   

32.5. Nano headpats Shizuka.

1. Nano and Shizuka go to the book store together.
   
2. Shizuka's cuteness causes Nano's brain to malfunction.
   
3. Nano catches Shizuka in her arms after she falls, causing her to throb.
   
4. Shizuka and Nano hide together.
   
5. Shizuka and Nano share their pins with each other.
   
6. Seeing Shizuka dressed as a princess makes Nano want to take her to Disneyland.
   
7. Shizuka and Nano hug.
   
8. Nano is fascinated by a frog dumpling that Shizuka brought to the hot pot.
   
9. Nano and Shizuka dress together as japanese cheerleaders.
   
10. Shizuka headpats Nano-Nano.
    
11. A stream of water from a jacuzzi raises Shizuka in the air, Nano then tries to help her but gets paralyzed by her fear of heights so Shizuka hugs her to help her calm down. They hold hands afterwards.
    
12. The two eat ramen together.
    
13. Nano's instincts kick in to protect Shizuka.
    

86.5. Shizuka's cuteness makes Nano mistake her for a baby.

1. The two run a book store together.
   
2. Shizuka's cuteness combined with Mimimi's smugness causes Nano to glitch out.
   
3. The two dance together at the festival.
   
4. Nano headpats Shizuka.
   
5. Shizuka managed to sneak up on Nano due to her instincts not perceiving her as a threat.
   
6. Nano saves Shizuka from drowning.
   
7. Nano headpats Shizuka.
   
8. Full chapter.
   
9. Nano tells Shizuka the most efficient way to use her mouth to express her feelings.
   
10. Nano and Shizuka get paired together to look for Rentarou, Shizuka's scared of the Yokais, Nano knows they're people in disguise but decides to avoid them for Shizuka's sake.
    

Total: 33 moments + 1 chapter.
Hahari/Kurumi:

1. Hahari drools at Kurumi when she is first introduced to the family.
   
2. The first time Hahari tells Kurumi to call her Mommy.
   
3. Hahari starts acting like Kurumi's Mom once the food festival starts.
   
4. Hahari uses an anpan to distract Kurumi during the soaking maid game and then gets distracted by her cuteness while eating.
   
5. Hahari pushes Kurumi to the girlfriend's weight loss training even though she doesn't need it.
   
6. In the cover page, Hahari is hugging Kurumi
   
7. The two are singing together.
   
8. Before the hairpocaplyse starts, Kurumi is the first target of Hahari's hair in her imagination and then she is the first one trapped when it actually happens.
   
9. Even Kurumi misses Hahari's usual self when she's depressed over the hairpocaplyse.
   
10. You all know this one.
    
11. The two hide together which leads to Kurumi sucking on Hahari's boobs.
    
12. Hahari tries to kiss Kurumi.
    
13. Hahari gropes Kurumi's butt.
    
14. Kurumi willingly sucks on Hahari's boobs.
    
15. Rentarou gives Kurumi some beef jerky which makes both Kurumi and Hahari remember chapter 44.
    

113.5. Indirect kiss by kissing Rentarou. (They're the only pair specifically called out for this along with Hakari/Karane).

1. Kurumi sacrificing herself for Hahari (so she wouldn't nibble on her.)
   
2. Hahari tricks Kurumi into sucking her boobs.
   
3. Nose kiss.
   

Total: 18 moments + 1 chapter.
Mei/Iku:

1. Mei comforts Iku after she got hurt.
   
2. Mei stops Iku from damaging her legs while kissing Rentarou and then treats her injuries.
   

41.5. First time Mei paddles Iku.

1. Iku and Mei hide together.
   
2. Baby Mei slaps Baby Iku's butt.
   
3. The two run a padding center together.
   
4. Full chapter.
   

95.5 The two remember chapter 89.

1. The two dance together at the festival.
   
2. Baton pass.
   
3. Iku gets jealous of the spanking power that Mei unleashes on Mai.
   

104.5. Mei was glad to show Iku said power afterwards.

1. Mei is seemingly jealous and happy of Iku's newfound relationship with Rin and then Iku tells her that she still likes Mei's sharp swing.
   
2. Iku invites Mei to jump with her from a diving tower and she gladly accepts.
   
3. Iku and Mei get paired together to look for Rentarou.
   

Total: 14 moments + 1 chapter.
Mimimi/Meme:

1. Full chapter.
   
2. Mimimi states Meme is extremely beautiful while she hides behind her.
   
3. Meme tells Mimimi to kiss her neck so she can disappear and they can escape a waterfall shower. They hold hands afterwards.
   
4. The two eat ramen together.
   
5. Baby Meme is enthralled by Baby Mimimi.
   
6. Mimimi accidentally touches Meme's boobs.
   
7. The two run a knitting-fashion store together which leads Meme to imagine Mimimi in underwear.
   
8. Meme states that she wouldn't be able to look at Mimimi's dazzling beauty without her bangs.
   
9. The two dance together at the festival.
   
10. The two praise each other's lettuce wrap and trade it with one another, making Meme disappear in embarrassment.
    
11. Meme disappears embarrassed by seeing Mimimini imitating her.
    

113.5. Meme calls Mimimi gorgeous.

1. Zombie nurse neck kiss from Mimimi.
   
2. Mimimi and Meme get paired together to look for Rentarou.
   
3. Bodies swapped with each other near the end.
   
4. Mimimi is happy to see Meme and Kiki getting along (she thinks they're talking about her beauty).
   
5. Meme gets embarrassed by seeing her 'cool and gracious' Mimimi-Senpai being treated as a junior by Eira.
   

Total: 16 moments + 1 chapter.
Chiyo/Naddy:

1. Full chapter.
   
2. The two eat ramen together.
   
3. The two dance together at the festival.
   
4. Naddy guided Chiyo with her voice so she could finish her part of the baton pass after losing her glasses.
   
5. Chiyo tries to cheer up Naddy after she becomes a shad drunk.
   
6. Chiyo is comforting Naddy with a hug while they're both asleep.
   
7. Chiyo recalls chapter 71 and gets Naddy to open up about her problem.
   
8. The two go to Mac's together and Naddy gets embarrassed when Chiyo wipes Ketchup from her cheek, which in response embarrasses Chiyo as well.
   
9. Nose kiss.
   
10. Naddy (and Kusuri) play as mothers to spend time with Chiyo in Mother's day.
    

Total: 9 moments + 1 chapter.
Yamame/Momiji:

1. The two equip together.

95.5. Momiji express her liking of Yamame's 'Fully ripe melons'.

1. Groping Yamame while they're both asleep.
   
2. Yamame uses Momiji as a projectile to catch the remaining players in the zombie nurse game.
   
3. Momiji gives Yamame massages and gets to grope her as a payment.
   
4. Momiji helps Yamame get her headdress (groping her on the way)
   

Total: 6 moments.
Yaku/Kishika:

1. Yaku headpats Kishika, turning her into baby mode and making Kusuri jealous.
   
2. Full chapter.
   
3. Playing menko together.
   
4. Yaku headpats Kishika, turning her into baby mode.
   

Total: 3 moments + 1 chapter.
Ahko/Uto:
95.4. Full mini-chapter.

1. Full chapter.

113.5. Ahko gives Uto a cheek kiss, making her break character.

1. Ahko give Uto a scare, making her break character, followed by a zombie nurse neck kiss.
   
2. Ahko and Uto have the same problem of 'sedentary quality' during the idol practice.
   
3. Practicing dance together.
   
4. Watching a movie together.
   

Total: 5 moments + 1 chapter + 1 mini-chapter.
Mai/Momoha:

1. Mai gets embarrassed by how Momoha wants to treat her as her younger sister AND older sister.
   
2. Mai is seen helping Momoha get back to her tent.
   
3. Nose kiss.
   
4. This chapter apparently shows that Mai is also responsible of checking up on Momoha in the mornings.
   
5. Momoha tries to aid Mai after she hits her forehead.
   
6. Full chapter
   

Total: 5 moments + 1 chapter.
Rin/Suu

1. Suu is talking about numbers and equations and Rin's mind translates it into body horror, so she asks Suu to tell her more about them.
   
2. Nose kiss.
   

Total: 2 moments.
Eira/Tama

1. Eira manages to touch Tama, giving a first step in overcoming her fear of cats among the things she can't kick.
   
2. Tama wants to teach Eira the way of cathood.
   

Total: 2 moments.
Kiki/Matsuri

1. Kiki ignores her haters in social media, but Matsuri gets angry and insults them.

Total: 1 moment.
Final numbers from least to most interactions:
13) Kiki/Matsuri = 1 moment.
12) Eira/Tama = 2 moments.
11) Rin/Suu = 2 moments.
10) Yamame/Momiji = 6 moments (placed behind others due to not having a duo chapter).
9) Yaku/Kishika = 3 moments + 1 chapter.
8) Mai/Momoha = 5 moments + 1 chapter.
7) Ahko/Uto = 5 moments + 1 chapter + 1 mini-chapter.
6) Chiyo/Naddy = 9 moments + 1 chapter.
5) Mei/Iku = 14 moments + 1 chapter.
4) Mimimi/Meme = 16 moments + 1 chapter.
3) Hahari/Kurumi = 18 moments + 1 chapter.
2) Shizuka/Nano = 33 moments + 1 chapter.
1) Hakari/Karane = 61 moments (8-10 of those are kisses depending of how we're counting) + 3 chapters.
And that's it, folks!
I knew Hakari and Karane would be winners, but I wanted to know by how much, and geez, they didn't disappoint.
They're such good friends.
Ok, bye!

https://www.foreignaffairs.com/united-states/revolution-american-foreign-policy-bernie-sanders
A Revolution in American Foreign Policy
Replacing Greed, Militarism, and Hypocrisy With Solidarity, Diplomacy, and Human Rights
By Bernie Sanders
March 18, 2024
A sad fact about the politics of Washington is that some of the most important issues facing the United States and the world are rarely debated in a serious manner. Nowhere is that more true than in the area of foreign policy. For many decades, there has been a “bipartisan consensus” on foreign affairs. Tragically, that consensus has almost always been wrong. Whether it has been the wars in Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, the overthrow of democratic governments throughout the world, or disastrous moves on trade, such as entering the North American Free Trade Agreement and establishing permanent normal trade relations with China, the results have often damaged the United States’ standing in the world, undermined the country’s professed values, and been disastrous for the American working class.
This pattern continues today. After spending billions of dollars to support the Israeli military, the United States, virtually alone in the world, is defending Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s right-wing extremist government, which is waging a campaign of total war and destruction against the Palestinian people, resulting in the deaths of tens of thousands—including thousands of children—and the starvation of hundreds of thousands more in the Gaza Strip. Meanwhile, in fear-mongering around the threat posed by China and in the continued growth of the military industrial complex, it’s easy to see that the rhetoric and decisions of leaders in both major parties are frequently guided not by respect for democracy or human rights but militarism, groupthink, and the greed and power of corporate interests. As a result, the United States is increasingly isolated not just from poorer countries in the developing world but from many of its long-standing allies in the industrialized world, as well.
Given these failures, it is long past time to fundamentally reorient American foreign policy. Doing so starts with acknowledging the failures of the post–World War II bipartisan consensus and charting a new vision that centers human rights, multilateralism, and global solidarity.
A SHAMEFUL TRACK RECORD
Dating back to the Cold War, politicians in both major parties have used fear and outright lies to entangle the United States in disastrous and unwinnable foreign military conflicts. Presidents Johnson and Nixon sent nearly three million Americans to Vietnam to prop up an anticommunist dictator in a Vietnamese civil war under the so-called domino theory—the idea that if one country fell to communism the surrounding countries would fall as well. The theory was wrong, and the war was an abject failure. Up to three million Vietnamese were killed, as were 58,000 American troops.
The destruction of Vietnam was not quite enough for Nixon and his Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. They expanded the war into Cambodia with an immense bombing campaign that killed hundreds of thousands more people and fueled the rise of the dictator Pol Pot, whose subsequent genocide killed up to two million Cambodians. In the end, despite suffering enormous casualties and spending huge amounts of money, the United States lost a war that never should have been fought. In the process, the country severely damaged its credibility abroad and at home.
Washington’s record in the rest of the world was not much better during this era. In the name of combating communism and the Soviet Union, the U.S. government supported military coups in Iran, Guatemala, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Dominican Republic, Brazil, Chile, and other countries. These interventions were often in support of authoritarian regimes that brutally repressed their own people and exacerbated corruption, violence, and poverty. Washington is still dealing with the fallout from such meddling today, confronting deep suspicion and hostility in many of these countries, which complicates U.S. foreign policy and undermines American interests.
A generation later, after the 9/11 terrorist attacks in 2001, Washington repeated many of these same mistakes. President George W. Bush committed nearly two million U.S. troops and over $8 trillion to a “global war on terror” and catastrophic wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. The Iraq war, much like Vietnam, was built on an outright lie. “We cannot wait for the final proof—the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud,” Bush infamously warned. But there was no mushroom cloud and there was no smoking gun, because the Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein didn’t have any weapons of mass destruction. The war was opposed by many U.S. allies, and the Bush administration’s unilateral, go-it-alone approach in the run-up to the war severely undermined American credibility and eroded trust in Washington around the world. Despite this, supermajorities in both chambers of Congress voted to authorize the 2003 invasion.
The Iraq war was not an aberration. In the name of the global war on terror, the United States carried out torture, illegal detention, and “extraordinary renditions,” snatching suspects around the world and holding them for long periods at the Guantánamo Bay prison in Cuba and CIA “black sites” around the world. The U.S. government implemented the Patriot Act, which resulted in mass surveillance domestically and internationally. The two decades of fighting in Afghanistan left thousands of U.S. troops dead or wounded and caused many hundreds of thousands of Afghan civilian casualties. Today, despite all that suffering and expenditure, the Taliban is back in power.
THE WAGES OF HYPOCRISY
I wish I could say that the foreign policy establishment in Washington learned its lesson after the failures of the Cold War and the global war on terror. But, with a few notable exceptions, it has not. Despite his promise of an “America first” foreign policy, President Donald Trump increased unrestricted drone warfare around the world, committed more troops to the Middle East and Afghanistan, ramped up tensions with China and North Korea, and nearly got into a disastrous war with Iran. He showered some of the most dangerous tyrants in the world—from the United Arab Emirates to Saudi Arabia—with weapons. Although Trump’s brand of self-dealing and corruption was new, it had its roots in decades of U.S. policy that prioritized short-term, unilateral interests over long-term efforts to build a world order based on international law.
And Trump’s militarism wasn’t new at all. In the past decade alone, the United States has been involved in military operations in Afghanistan, Cameroon, Egypt, Iraq, Kenya, Lebanon, Libya, Mali, Mauritania, Mozambique, Niger, Nigeria, Pakistan, Somalia, Syria, Tunisia, and Yemen. The U.S. military maintains around 750 military bases in 80 countries and is increasing its presence abroad as Washington ramps up tensions with Beijing. Meanwhile, the United States is supplying Netanyahu’s Israel with billions of dollars in military funding while he annihilates Gaza.
U.S. policy on China is another illustration of failed foreign policy groupthink, which frames the U.S.-Chinese relationship as a zero-sum struggle. For many in Washington, China is the new foreign policy bogeyman—an existential threat that justifies higher and higher Pentagon budgets. There is plenty to criticize in China’s record: its theft of technology, its suppression of workers’ rights and the press, its enormous expansion of coal power, its repression of Tibet and Hong Kong, its threatening behavior toward Taiwan, and its atrocious policies toward the Uyghur people. But there will be no solution to the existential threat of climate change without cooperation between China and the United States, the two largest carbon emitters in the world. There will also be no hope for seriously addressing the next pandemic without U.S.-Chinese cooperation. And instead of starting a trade war with China, Washington could create mutually beneficial trade agreements that benefit workers in both countries—not just multinational corporations.
The United States can and should hold China accountable for its human rights violations. But Washington’s concerns for human rights are rather selective. Saudi Arabia is an absolute monarchy controlled by a family worth over a trillion dollars. There is not even the pretense of democracy there; citizens have no right to dissent or elect their leaders. Women are treated as second-class citizens. Gay rights are virtually nonexistent. The immigrant population in Saudi Arabia is often forced into modern-day slavery, and recently there have been reports of mass killings of hundreds of Ethiopian migrants by Saudi forces. One of the country’s few prominent dissidents, Jamal Khashoggi, left a Saudi embassy in pieces in a suitcase after he was murdered by Saudi operatives in an attack that U.S. intelligence agencies concluded was ordered by Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, the de facto ruler of Saudi Arabia. Yet despite all of that, Washington continues to provide Saudi Arabia with weapons and support, as it does with Egypt, India, Israel, Pakistan, and the UAE—all countries that habitually trample on human rights.
It is not just U.S. military adventurism and hypocritical backing of tyrants that have proved counterproductive. So, too, have the international trade agreements that Washington has entered in recent decades. After ordinary Americans were told, year after year, how dangerous and terrible the communists of China and Vietnam were, and how the United States had to defeat them no matter the cost, it turns out that corporate America had a different perspective. Major U.S.-based multinationals came to love the idea of “free trade” with these authoritarian countries and embraced the opportunity to hire impoverished workers abroad at a fraction of the wages they were paying Americans. Hence, with bipartisan support and cheerleading from the corporate world and mainstream media, Washington forged free trade agreements with China and Vietnam.
The results have been disastrous. In the roughly two decades that followed these agreements, more than 40,000 factories in the U.S. shut down, around two million workers lost their jobs, and working-class Americans experienced wage stagnation—even while corporations made billions and investors were richly rewarded. Beyond the damage done at home, these agreements also contained few standards to protect workers or the environment, leading to disastrous impacts overseas. Resentment of these trade policies among working-class Americans helped fuel Trump’s initial rise and continues to benefit him today.
PEOPLE OVER PROFITS
Modern American foreign policy has not always been short-sighted and destructive. In the wake of World War II, despite the bloodiest war in history, Washington chose to learn the lessons of the punitive post–World War I agreements. Instead of humiliating defeated wartime enemies Germany and Japan, whose countries lay in ruin, the United States led a massive multibillion-dollar economic recovery program and helped convert totalitarian societies into prosperous democracies. Washington spearheaded the founding of the United Nations and the implementation of the Geneva Conventions to prevent the horrors of World War II from ever happening again and to ensure that all countries are held to the same standards on human rights. In the 1960s, President John F. Kennedy launched the Peace Corps to support education, public health, and entrepreneurship around the world, building human connections and advancing local development projects. In this century, Bush launched the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, known as PEPFAR, which has saved over 25 million lives, primarily in sub-Saharan Africa, and the President’s Malaria Initiative, which has prevented more than 1.5 billion cases of malaria.
If the goal of foreign policy is to help create a peaceful and prosperous world, the foreign policy establishment needs to fundamentally rethink its assumptions. Spending trillions of dollars on endless wars and defense contracts is not going to address the existential threat of climate change or the likelihood of future pandemics. It is not going to feed hungry children, reduce hatred, educate the illiterate, or cure diseases. It is not going to help create a shared global community and diminish the likelihood of war. In this pivotal moment in human history, the United States must lead a new global movement based on human solidarity and the needs of struggling people. This movement must have the courage to take on the greed of the international oligarchy, in which a few thousand billionaires exercise enormous economic and political power.
Economic policy is foreign policy. As long as wealthy corporations and billionaires have a stranglehold on our economic and political systems, foreign policy decisions will be guided by their material interests, not those of the vast majority of the world’s population. That is why the United States must address the moral and economic outrage of unprecedented income and wealth inequality, in which the richest one percent of the planet owns more wealth than the bottom 99 percent—an inequality that allows some people to own dozens of homes, private airplanes, and even entire islands, while millions of children go hungry or die of easily prevented diseases. Americans must lead the international community in eliminating the tax havens that enable billionaires and large corporations to hide trillions in wealth and avoid paying their fair share of taxes. That includes sanctioning countries that serve as tax shelters and using the United States’ significant economic leverage to cut off access to the U.S. financial system. An estimated $21 trillion to $32 trillion in financial assets are sitting offshore in tax havens today, according to the Tax Justice Network. This wealth does nothing to benefit societies. It’s not taxed and it’s not even spent—it simply ensures that the rich get richer.
Washington should develop fair trade agreements that benefit workers and the poor of all countries, not just Wall Street investors. This includes creating strong, binding labor and environmental provisions with clear enforcement mechanisms, as well as eliminating investor protections that make it easy to outsource jobs. These agreements must be negotiated with input from workers, the American people, and the U.S. Congress—rather than just lobbyists from large multinational corporations, who currently dominate the trade negotiation process.
The United States must also cut excess military spending and demand that other countries do the same. In the midst of enormous environmental, economic, and public health challenges, the major countries of this world cannot allow huge defense contractors to make record-breaking profits as they provide the world with weapons used to destroy one another. Even without supplemental spending, the United States plans to devote around $900 billion to the military this year, almost half of which will go to a small number of defense contractors that are already highly profitable.
Like a majority of Americans, I believe it is in the vital interest of the United States and the international community to fight off Russian President Vladimir Putin’s illegal invasion of Ukraine. But many defense contractors see the war primarily as a way to line their own pockets. The RTX Corporation, formerly Raytheon, has increased prices for its Stinger missiles sevenfold since 1991. Today, it costs the United States $400,000 to replace each Stinger sent to Ukraine—an outrageous price increase that cannot even remotely be explained by inflation, increased costs, or advances in quality. Such greed doesn’t just cost American taxpayers; it costs Ukrainian lives. When contractors pad their profits, fewer weapons reach Ukrainians on the frontlines. Congress must rein in this kind of war profiteering by more closely examining contracts, taking back payments that turn out to be excessive, and creating a tax on windfall profits.
Meanwhile, Washington should stop undermining international institutions when their actions don’t align with its short-term political interests. It is far better for the countries of the world to debate and discuss their differences than to drop bombs or engage in armed conflict. The United States must support the UN by paying its dues, engaging directly on UN reform, and supporting UN bodies such as the Human Rights Council. The United States should also finally join the International Criminal Court instead of attacking it when it delivers verdicts that Washington sees as inconvenient. President Joe Biden made the right choice in rejoining the World Health Organization. Now the United States must invest in the WHO, strengthen its ability to respond quickly to pandemics, and work with it to negotiate an international pandemic treaty that prioritizes the lives of poor and working people around the world—not Big Pharma’s profits.
SOLIDARITY NOW
The benefits of making this shift in foreign policy would far outweigh the costs. More consistent U.S. support for human rights would make it more likely that bad actors face justice—and less likely that they commit human rights abuses in the first place. Increased investments in economic development and civil society would lift millions out of poverty and strengthen democratic institutions. U.S. support for fair international labor standards would raise wages for millions of American workers and billions of people around the world. Making the rich pay their taxes and cracking down on offshore capital would unlock substantial financial resources that could be put to work addressing global needs and helping restore people’s faith that democracies can deliver.
Most of all, as the world’s oldest and most powerful democracy, the United States must recognize that our greatest strength as a nation comes not from our wealth or our military might but from our values of freedom and democracy. The biggest challenges of our times, from climate change to global pandemics, will require cooperation, solidarity, and collective action, not militarism.