Hello everyone. I got out of an abusive relationship years ago, but lately I’ve been trying to write it all down so anyone who asks can read about it. I also can’t shake the feeling that someday I’ll be talking to Lester Holt about him.
So here’s something that I can’t make sense of. I’ve been told I need to ‘check my privilege’ when I get too insistent about it. My abuser seemed to use his poverty growing up as an excuse for some things. But I don’t see how some of the problems he had were the consequences of poverty. I also don’t see how poverty prevented them from troubleshooting their problems. I’ll give a few examples.

1. He was an honors student in high school. But he was threatened with suspension because he stunk. When I asked why he went to school stinking he blamed his poverty. He explained how there wasn’t enough hot water in the morning for everyone to get a shower. The cat peed on the laundry. For a long time he didn’t have deodorant and when he FINALLY managed to get a three pack from the dollar store before he had a chance to use it his stepbrothers used it. (One application for each boy ONCE.)

True to form he’d throw a tantrum if I asked questions like “so if the deodorant was a three pack what happened to the rest of it after your stepbrothers used it ONCE?” “Why don’t you take a shower in the evening if you’re running out of hot water every morning?” “Why don’t you just cold shower, or boil water and wash your smelly parts?“ “Why didn’t you get in the habit of putting the laundry away as soon as it’s clean BEFORE the cat had a chance to pee on it?” (They were certainly astute enough to keep the cat out of the bedrooms because of his peeing.) “How often did the cat pee on the laundry?” “Why didn’t you rehome the cat if his peeing was such a problem?”
Also his high school is in an economically repressed area. So the majority of his classmates were in the same socioeconomic status he was. Their teachers understood this. But he was the only one who had this problem.

1. He whined that his family had to blow the bank on drying their clothes at a laundromat. They had a washer and dryer at home, but the dryer was missing a coupling that connected to the dryer duct making it unusable.

The coupling in question would have cost $12 at Home Depot and taken 30 minutes to install. They couldn’t do this fix because they were ‘poor.’ HOWEVER they had money to go to the movies and go to SciFi conventions and stuff like that. ONCE I suggested that his parents should miss A sci-fi convention and buy the coupling. He threw such a tantrum calling me an ‘elitist.’

1. His sister got married in a dining hall under their church. But the dining hall was FILTHY. Garbage and dirt EVERYWHERE. When I asked why the answer was “we can’t afford a nice venue.” He of course accused me of being an elitist when I pointed out that it doesn’t cost money to put garbage in a bag and take it to the dumpster. And the church certainly had custodial supplies. The floor could have been mopped.

I’m not completely ignorant when it comes to being poor. I was laid off from my job within a short amount of time from when my husband went blind. So my pin money job became our only income. I’m no stranger to lack of utilities. We went three New England winters with no heat or hot water and we never left the house stinking. We sure as hell did not have the money to even go to the movies, let alone a sci-fi convention. Let alone SEVERAL per year.
Am I missing something? Do I need to check my privilege?

Proof read, edited, and formatted to hopefully be easy for The Trip Keeper to read on YouTube.
A lil about me: I have a family history of schizophrenia with two people in my family being diagnosed. I think that's why psychedelics hit me like a train. I know I'm one of the folks they say shouldn't tripping but I've already done it and I am not stopping anytime soon. I'm quite the spiritual hippie type. I live for the esoteric, bizarre, and werid side of tripping. I'm also quite experienced with psychedelics and drugs in general having tried alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, kava, Kratom, weed, oxycodone, hydrocodone, percocet, Hospital Morphine, Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, Conserta, Nitrous, Acid, Shrooms, n-BOMEs, Synthetic shrooms, random Acid non n-BOME RCs, Hydroxyzine (only snorted while drunk), Phenibut, Promethazine w/o codeine, blue lotus, and a bunch of random herbs and nootropics.
A little context to story, I had got some liquid Acid dropped on Bottle Caps Candy from a family member we'll call R. R had called me up informing me he had liquid LSD and to bring a chalky candy when I came to pick it up. He dosed the candy in another room when I picked them up. When he brought them back there was a thick layer of liquid struggling to absorb into each hit so we smooshed another piece on top of each one, 3 tabs altogether. He told me each one was an equivalent of 2 to 3 hits of high quality LSD. I also hadn't tripped in 6 months at this point but that's a story for another sub. Though the reason why didn't have much to do with tripping itself nor anything fun like psychosis.
A couple days later I found myself with my bills caught up, a slow night on Doordash so no work, extra money, weed, some cigarettes, and my roommate was out visiting Family. I had showered and ate some Chinese before taking a short nap. When I woke up it was around 9pm, obviously already dark outside. I was in a good mood, had nothing to do, and didn't want to go back to sleep so I slapped an LSD bottle cap on my tongue and went for a walk.
One of the pieces dissolved really quickly, like less than a minute quick, while the other piece took atleast 15 to 20 minutes fully dissolve. I was slightly nervous about tripping the days prior and was even a lil scared before placing it on my tongue; but, that fear was completely annihilated when 5 to 7 minutes in I felt this electric tingle that started in the back of my head go down my spine. I started smiling, feeling super happy, and chilled out when the tingle reached the base of my spine. I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe I was scared to trip again, I feel amazing right now!!" I lit a cigarette and enjoyed my walk for awhile until I started coming to the end of a col-de-sac, the street I was on was on a downward slope I think this affected things but the end of the col-de-sac and the houses started stretching super tall and became super thin kind of like a fun house mirror. I was completely mesmerized by it till I was interrupted by this electric beeping that made my skeleton nearly jump out of my skin. I had looked over and saw this gray box with 2 pink lights on it sticking out of the ground and assumed that's where the beeping came from. I then straight sprinted home cause I wasn't sure if it was hallucination or not. I did go back a few days later and couldn't find the box.
After opening my front door the night is hard to remember linearly but I will try my best. I don't have the texts anymore from this night since I got a new phone. Once I got back home, I had to use the bathroom so I went did my business but while washing my hands I looked in the mirror and noticed my pupils are starting to look a lot like bowling balls. It was then, I noticed the reflection of the SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick on ketamine meme my roommate printed out and pinned on the wall. Their eyes were dilating more than normal and they were all swaying back and forth. I texted R to tell him I finally tried the acid and it's strong. It's roughly 10:40p.m. by this point, even though it had been 1 hour 40 minutes since dropping it had only felt like 30 or 40 minutes ago at the most. I was about to sit down and do a dab but I got a almost telepathic sense I was about to throw up rather than a physical feeling I was about to. After throwing up I texted R freaking out questioning if it was acid since it's not supposed to make you nauseous. He just told me "too much too fast" "calm down put your phone down and be safe". I didn't put my phone down.
I started finally doing some dabs after 2 or 3 big rips I looked over and saw 2 shadow people. One was a little girl with blonde hair, a yellow sun dress, no face, instead was an empty void. It was as if her head was an empty shell and her face was the hole. The other one was a middle aged man with short blackish gray balding hair dressed in overalls, no shirt, work boots, also no face. The second shadow person looked a lot like one of my deceased uncles. They didn't feel menacing or demonic nor even holy as one would expect an encounter of this type. I got up and walked to my kitchen probably to get water but I got distracted by a third shadow person who was a woman but I didn't get too good of a look before being distracted by my thoughts. I started stretching and thinking to myself, "well atleast the dark isn't so scary anymore compared to being schizophrenic" at the time it did feel very profound aswell as I am now genuinely less scared of the dark. There's also cardboard cut outs of the Elysian Full Haze and Full Contact IPA cans hung up in my kitchen. People were walking in and out of the giant head on the Full Haze poster, I thought they were sacrificing themselves to the massive head. Thought the dude on the Full Contact poster was holding my brain aswell.
I remember it was around this time the body load and vasoconstriction was getting so intense that my arms and legs felt lankier than normal and my jaw felt like it was wired shut. I drank some water and brought a glass back to my room. When I came back the ocean thunderstorm tapestry above bed had the clouds and ocean actually moving with the lightning striking. I have string lights behind that tapestry that wrap around to the conjoining wall. The string lights looked like technicolor rainbow stars forming beautiful constellations. Normally, they are only blue, yellow, green, red and twinkle but during the trip some were changing colors to pink, purple, violet, orange, and more colors that don't exist. While the tapestry was animated, it had no sound. There's a framed painting of a deer in a forest during the sunrise on the same wall. The light in the painting was actually coming through the painting as if it was a window with sunlight shining through. The deer even had his head down grazing when normally he has his head turned towards the viewer of the painting. I layed down and decided to throw on some music. I couldn't decide on a song, I hit skip on Spotify at least 30 times before settling on Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, cliche I know, but they're one of my favorite bands and usually seem to find me when things start getting intense on psychedelics. I couldn't actually read anymore so I only knew it was Comfortably Numb by the hook and album art.
As I layed in bed I started stretching out and looking around the room. I finally started to relax a lil and calm down from thinking these were possibly nBOMes. I started to really lose myself in the trip. The slight movement of my air mattress made feel like I was floating on the ocean sea, which gave way to a euphoric sense of oneness and that I am an ocean of pure consciousness. The string lights above my bed were twinkling and reflecting slightly off the ceiling. The reflections were blending with the moving geometry on the ceiling. Next, I looked up at my Pokémon 20th anniversary poster. It was a bunch of black and white silhouettes of starter Pokémon from the first five or six gens with the ones in the middle being colored and shaped like Pikachu's head. Every silhouette was pulsating and almost bubbling.
At one point, I watched this abstract splatter colored tapestry for what felt like two hours, in reality it was probably only 30 or 40 minutes at the most. There were rotating hexagonal and octagonal pillars shooting out of the tapestry between the pillars it appeared to boil, the bursting bubbles had sparks flying off of them.
I can't remember exactly when this happened in the night so might as well stick it here. While hanging out in my bedroom, I got up to do what else but smoke more dabs. I did multiple in a row where I would do the whole ritual and forgot I had done so and follow it up with another. While sitting there, I light a cigarette to pass time and to just smoke more while conserving a lil on the wax. On my second or third cigarette in a row I started thinking to myself out loud that, "Ya know, Family Guy is right!! Vaping does look pretty fucking goofy. My twin flame out there probably thinks vaping looks goofy as fuck!! And smoking might look cool to some bitches but they give you cancer and shorten your life. It's less money for weed and psychedelics. I think after tonight I'm done smoking forever." I chain smoked a few cigarettes.
I think this is when I started hearing voices in my head. I was hearing random YouTubers, friends, celebrities, family members, and other random voices saying random words over over again. I truly thought I was hearing my sleeping neighbors' thoughts. I genuinely believed I had Telepathy. The only words I could make out vividly; however, was The Trip Keeper saying, "Gassid" over over like it was a soundbyte looping. At the time I took this as a sign to do Nitrous with Acid and that there was something spiritual I needed to see/experience from it. I was right, however this wasn't the night I did that combo as I had no nitrous at the time and it's an equally crazy experience but shorter story. I'm planning on posting that experience soon, also DO NOT huff nitrous it actually KILLS your brain cells.
Thoroughly freaking out again about hearing voices. I start frantically texting R, however I can't remember what for though. I even vividly remember asking R what would happen if I took more phrasing it "will things get more colorful or last longer?" He never responded. Since I couldn't read I was using speech to text to text R. I also had got up to pace through the house. Ordinarly, I would've left to go on another walk but I had convinced myself if that I had left again one of my cats would get out of the house and somehow I'd get arrested. I look up from my phone to notice a swirling florescent neon colored vortex of geomtry in the middle of my living room. The vortex started swirling towards me and started to suck the words out of my mouth. I saw the phrase ,"The only words that make sense are the ones I say out loud" get sucked out of my mouth by the vortex in bubble letters that distorted and mixed with geometry. As the bubble letters got closer to center of the vortex they would distort super cartoonishly, individual patterns and a mix of colors appeared over each letter. The vortex itself had a wigwag shape to it. At the time I thought in my head, "Damn this is what Jerry Garcia probably ment by "Steal your face right off your head"". I actually attempted to draw this out later on. See the drawing here if I can get imgur to work. I don't really remember turning the lights on all through my house but I vividly remember all the lights being off when the vortex stole my words. I don't remember how the vortex incident ended just that next all I know is all the lights are on suddenly and I'm walking out of my bedroom. It's probably 3 or 4am at this point cause I started hearing my neighbor cough and going in and out for cigarettes the rest of the night. I had laid my recliner, the voices had stopped but that was replaced with an intense loud buzzing inside of my head. I had my head on one of armrests, legs hanging off the other armrest, chair reclined, facing the wall. I was watching the logo on my clawhammer wall flag drip like white blood. My cats, of which I had 10 at the time, 5 being kittens still nursing, were running back and forth and playing with each other. Below the wall flag is a table with a wooden CD tower, my cats Cinderella and Oreo had jumped on the table at the same time. Completely in sync and as one fluid motion they stood up, turned to look at me, arched their backs, and sat down. Their coats were flowing and Cinderella had extra golden stripes in her fur. They stared deep into my eyes for a long time and were trying to ask me telepathically if I was doing okay. I more or less alternated between laying on the floor and my recliner for the next couple hours.
Every now and then I'd hear my neighbor out front coughing. I was debating whether or not to go talk him and wait for the sun to come up. Normally, I would've put on a show from myself at various points through the night but I had no internet at the time.
As the sun was starting to really come up and I was starting to really come down, I went outside and talked with my neighbor for awhile. Told him about my night, he's actually a little bit of a hippie too. I walked to the gas station to get some food. I felt like a zombie the whole way there and back. The light made my eyes sizzle like bacon on the Texas pavement in the middle of July. It felt like my brain was a steaming bowl of scrambled eggs. My jaw felt like I got my shit rocked by Mike Tyson. I came home, ate my powdered donuts despite only being able to taste it's texture which was low-key wigging me out, and watched either Space Ghost Coast to Coast or The Trip Keeper on my phone till I passed out.
The next morning (afternoon), my dad picked me up and we hung the whole day while I recovered and slowly returned to feeling human again. I bummed a cigarette off my dad and decided while smoking it that it was my last cigarette. I actually quit all nicotine for a month and half after this night. I started back up purely because of a bad (tested real) Acid/Nitrous Trip.
I do wanna add while not using nicotine I had vivid dreams about smoking cigarettes and vaping. Keep posted for the follow up stories about my bad Acid/Nitrous Trip, Smoking Dreams, and Snorting Hydroxyzine with Alcohol cause I bet The Trip Keeper wants to hear that last one.

US Citizen (with VA disability income 70%...I can use as retirement visa income) Married to a Cambodian woman with 2 Cambidian children (9 and 12) I want to come closer to the US and US timezone because of my children and my work. Plan to be in the next location 2-3 years while I finish a degree and we get Visa to bring entire family to the US
Ease of entry and getting long term visa is important. I must have a resident visa for her otherwise we will have to return to Cambodia for VISA interviews etc. We would like to avoid that.
I need outdoor life, parks, something. I am a country boy. Right now in Phnom Penh I am very unhappy. there are no parks, and you have to travel quite a way to get to hiking or beaches. They dont even just have parks to go walk around to speak of. Its just a concrete jungle. I really love the Caribbeans type green and blue clear water. BUT. I am not a drinker and do not need the party scene. I do not have to live ON the beach....anywhere within a couple of hours would be perfect.
We live pretty simple. we currenlty eat very little "western food". We almost never eat out. Lots of mat, fruit and veggies we buy from roadside or markets, and probably less than 10% of what we eat comes from a supermarket. I DO need at least one room with AC or live at elevation we dont need AC. and I also need a hot water shower. Also need internet. Other than that, I do NOT need a resort living, or gated community or luxury etc.
Ecuador was first choice, but 2 more mayors executed recently...the distance to get from Cuenca to the beach is more than an easy weekend trip...coastal areas are much less safe....power issues...are making me rethink this
Dominican Republic is my 2nd choice, but the Visa process is very cumbersome and time consuming. Still might be the answer, but looking to see if I am missing something easiebetter.
Colombia is out because they do not recognize my step children as my dependents for a visa. Need to qualify the whole family with my VA income.
Mexico is out because although you can live cheap there....the income for the resident visa is crazy high (like 6k to qualify per month)
Belize....my main worry is how limited the expat safe areas are...I dont know how hard to get visa
Costa Rica.....is cost of living getting too far out of hand?
Panama....Bocas is the only real "Carribean" area to live. and last time I was there just had way to much party vibe. I dont know about the Pacific coastal or highland areas.
El Salvador and Nicaragua both seem to be way to expensive vs the quality of life elsewhere. Am I wrong about this? Some places show El Salvador cost closing in on Costa Rica without the benefits Costa Rica has
Roatan maybe,,,,,I feel like it might have similar party vibe as Bocas in Panama. Can you really raise a family there anymore? is it still affordable?
Puerto Rico....again...I feel like its getting SOOO expensive (that is just from youtube though)
Where else should I be looking? What am I missing? OR do I just need to go to the DR even if that means 6-10 more months here first?
I am just curious what you guys think
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• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
Uhm, I’m a 14yo female, I’m a pretty typical teen I guess. Got the weird mental health thing going on and I’m pretty angsty but I suppose it’s pretty standard for a teen?
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Not a medical diagnosis but I’m suspected to have mild depression
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I grew up in a religious household but it wasn’t too bad, I left when I was 11 and my parents couldn’t care less. I do have a more conservative dad and a more liberal mom but that’s whatever. I am bisexual though which my dad probably won’t appreciate as he doesn’t like gay people, I haven’t come out to my family though so that’s pretty fun. My parents are loving but my mom is sometimes emotionally distant, whereas my dad is SUPER loving. But I don’t really reciprocate that love, I was never lovey dovey with my family, I don’t have a particularly strong emotional connection/bond with them for some reason. Whenever I show my love physically it’s more of a “damn I have to do this cause it looks like I don’t love them.” Which is completely my fault, not my parents. I mean I do love my parents but it’s more of a “they’re my parents and they do things for me so i have to love them.” my parents are completely chill and not strict at all so this isn’t a family issue. Sometimes my friends tell me how they buy stuff for their parents or plan special vacations for them and I think “wow, I’m a shit child.” So I do feel guilty at times because my parents are my world but I don’t have a close bond with them.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I don’t have a job atm seeing as I am 14, but I’m starting my art commissions soon! I like doing art and I want to make more money, hence the art commissions. But I do believe in the belief that hobbies shouldn’t be your job as it blurs the line between past times where you do things for the fun of it whereas doing it for your job takes the fun out of it since it’s mandatory and you’re not working for yourself, you’re working for others. But art commissions allow me to pay back for what my parents do for me and to have some extra spending money.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Before, I probably would’ve felt amazing for the first day but lonely on the second. I’m a huge peoples person and an extrovert so I need my human bonding time. It’s a way for me to project my feelings and thoughts onto others but it’s also an ego thing for me. I need to hang out with others to show that I’m not lonely and I do in fact have friends because there was a time in my life where all I would do was rot at home all day, which I didn’t have a problem with but it was very lonely at times. Sometimes I force myself to hang out with others because I don’t want to go back to that stage where I was a shell of who I used to be. If I was alone for a whole weekend I would immerse myself into books, anime, manga, and my hobbies to forget about my existence because if I was ever left alone with my actual thoughts I would probably die because I’m a super self aware person. I’m so self aware sometimes I literally have to find philosophy videos so that I can think about other things and not lead myself down the rabbithole of self pity and guilt. But being self aware doesn’t mean that I change myself for the better. I know my weaknesses and I know my toxic traits but I won’t do anything to actually change unless I have the motivation to do so. Nowadays I like being alone and I would probably feel refreshed to just spend two days alone because the other 5 I am constantly with others. Being alone is a way for me to disassociate and I love it.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I LOVE “self” activities where I do stuff myself, such as drawing, reading, writing, etc.. But I also love activities with other people such as debating, being in bands etc.. I play badminton for fun, I’m not particularly good at it but it’s exhilarating for me. I am definitely not good at sports lol, but I am good at lifting weights! 10/10 for that self improvement, lol. I really love to debate, to discuss about things and see them through different perspectives. But unfortunately I don’t do it often because my friends aren’t the ones to debate. I seriously love to debate and to argue about worldly topics that are slightly political to more philosophical and moral topics. It allows me to be more open minded about the world because I’m being challenged about my beliefs, everything I know, etc.. But I also do it for the pure fun of it, I love destroying people in debates (corny, I know).
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I’m not a very curious person I suppose. But I have a lot of ideas in my head that are only up to the drawing board but never the execution phase, sadly. I’m not naturally curious, I just love learning new things (is that a contradiction?) haha. I wouldn’t say that curious is the right word, but I am curious about life itself and other moral things. Like why are we so big on morality, why do we think that the human species is special, it’s hard to put my thoughts into words. How are we sure if we even have a consciousness, if we have free will, free choice. Why we think that hard work is important when most of our successes are stemmed from pure luck. Everything we do, we think, our behaviours and mannerisms all stem from our environment, our DNA, our ancestry, etc.. People who grew up poor and became successful, they had the willpower, the motivation, the mindset and personality for it. Those things are based off of environment, DNA, etc.. Did you know that your unconsciousness makes your choices before you consciously make those choices? I’m going off track, I sound edgy. Anyways, most of my ideas aren’t the ideas that you can really execute. They’re mostly to challenge what we know now. Before, back in the 1600s, people thought that the world was flat, and that there was a thing called the great chain of being. Nowadays we know better than that, but how do we know that what we know now is actually real? Or is it concepts that we give ourselves to understand the world better when they don’t actually have any real answer? We understand gravity and the laws of gravity but why are there laws of gravity (stupid question, i know)? Everything has an origin but what origin do those origins have? It’s like that story where the fish doesn’t even know what water is because it’s so painfully obvious and there that it becomes something that they can’t comprehend/don’t understand. Everything I said sounds like I’m trying to be deep but I’m actually being corny, I’m sorry I can’t explain my ideas any better than this 😔
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I’m not the best leader if I’m forced into it or if I’m conscious of the role of leader. I often turn into a stumbling mess of weird ideas that I can’t explain well. But I am a leader in terms of giving ideas to others and helping them execute it out? Like we don’t have a said leader follower system but in terms of the ideas and guiding it’s me who often does that. I just don’t like the physical role of leader I guess. If I were the leader I would give ideas and suggestions but I would encourage others for their ideas and based off of that we can make a hybird of our ideas and stuff, I’m terrible at ordering others around though, makes me feel like an asshole.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Definitely not coordinated in the slightest. My hands aren’t good at acting out what my brain tells it to do. Which is why I’m terrible at bass guitars, my bass teacher has amazing patience to not yell at me lol. The only coordinated thing I’m good at is drawing but I wouldn’t even call that coordinated, I just scribble with my hands and I make it look aesthetically pleasing. But that’s what I’m going for because I love messy, not cleanliness.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
Haha, I’m very artistic. I love drawing, art has no rules so I can do whatever I want as long as it looks good to me. I can experiment with different things to see what goes best with my art. My art is very messy, very textured, very colourful, etc.. My sketch is my lineart because I say so and I use random colours to make my art pop out. Random scribbles turns into eyes, ears, noses, etc.. Everything has a meaning in my art. I love drawing perspective art because it challenges how I draw typically, it’s interesting and expressive and it’s out of the ordinary. Art tells stories in the way typical stories don’t. It lets you interpret a lot of things rather than having a set and objective story, because it’s purely up to the interpreter. The story is how you interpret it to be, it isn’t written in stone. It’s open ended and it doesn’t tell you how to interpret it as so, thats why I love open interpretation books!
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
Do we really have a present? Right now may be the present but every ticking second after is the past. The present is just the past but more recent, something we made up. The future is what we delude ourselves into thinking, how do we know there is a future if it is not set into stone? How do we know that we will wake up tomorrow and the day after? How do we know that we will live in the next ten minutes? We are basing everything off of the future, why we work for retirement, why we study to graduate, why we live for the future, but the future isn’t set in stone. Everything is based off of pure chance that we are still alive. It’s so standard to just think that you automatically have a future, but there’s no definite proof that we will have one, so why do we keep working our asses off for a future that may not even exist? Why work for retirement when you aren’t even sure if you’ll live til then, and if you do, why are you so sure that you will be in the right mind to enjoy that retirement? Many people live in retirement homes after retirement with mental illnesses like dementia, Alzheimers, or they live with physical illnesses like cancer or whatnot. They spent their prime years working for something that they overestimated, and now they can’t even enjoy their hard-work because they simply don’t have the capacity for that.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
Of course I’ll help them! I’m a kindhearted being by nature, but it honestly depends if it’s in my skillset/power to help them. I help them because there’s a chance in the future that when I ask for help, they’ll help me back. Everybody can’t just function on their own, we are social mammals for a reason. We got so far in life due to the sacrifices of other human beings, so why not give back? If it doesn’t harm us to help then why not?
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Interesting question. Logic may be something we came up to help us understand the world better and to help us function, so everybody does need a bit of logical consistency in their lives. But for me personally, I couldn’t care less. Society is built on a system of theories and concepts to help us explain things and to keep us functioning with rules and shit. But sometimes we forget that there are things out of our understanding that can’t be explained by that system, and that’s just life! Not everything has to have a logical explanation or whatnot, that’s just the fun of it.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Productivity is important, efficiency? Sort of I guess. Currently in this time period, I’m not a very productive person, thinking about all the things I need to do stresses me out and gives me anxiety because I can be so unproductive it damages my mental health. Efficiency is nice if you’re rushing to do things but I like to take my time.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don’t control others in the sense that I order them around, but I control their view of me I guess? From the outside I seem like a very outgoing, happy go lucky person who is like an open book, but unfortunately I am not that person. I’m a reserved person at heart, I have a lot of friends but I only trust one. But I make it seem like I trust all of them? Hard to explain, I know. Sometimes when I’m stuck in rough situations I spin lies to make it seem like I’m the good person, I guess that’s called controlling and manipulation? Ultimately, I think about myself the most so everything I do is for my self preservation. So you can say that I’m controlling others in the sense that I can save myself? I know that’s not good and I’m trying to change my ways though.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Reading, writing, playing bass guitar, drawing, reading manga/watching anime. All of them have a thing in common which is that I get to disassociate myself from my reality and immerse myself into a different world where I get to pretend that I’m living a different life where everything is tailored to my standards, where I have no responsibility, etc.. I used to have this daydreaming thing where I would daydream for hours while walking around in circles, dreaming about my perfect world. I don’t do that as often but I definitely use other outlets for that. I get to be a different person, play a different role, live a different life when I practice my hobbies.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I like a learning environment where everything is subjective, open ended, where they give us space for open interpretation and our own ideas instead of a set system with an objective way of thinking patterns. Which is what I struggle with the most, just a set system of what to think where I can’t debate/challenge it. When I learn, I need an explanation, a reason, etc.. I want different opinions, different perspectives instead of just one opinion and one perspective and no explanation as to why. How will we grow as beings if we don’t have any critical thinking skills? If we just learn to think one way, and to never challenge our beliefs? Nowadays people just believe everything they see (I am a victim of this LMAO) but they don’t have the critical thinking skills to think “is there any proof? is there a demonstration of this? any explanation?” Because we are so used to others doing the thinking for us. I also hate memorisation because it’s essentially “Here, I’ll give you a bunch of things to memorise but with no reason as to why we should and how this helps us learn and will be useless in the future because all we know is what to do but not why we do it.” You’re just parroting the information but not actually evaluating it in your head!
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I am not a strategist, I’m a “go with the flow” type of person, I just wing stuff and improvise as I go because it helps with thinking and helps me better improve my explaining/arguing skills. I don’t plan off a script where I edit everything until it looks perfect, these are my raw thoughts and feelings that I’m putting out into this world. But then again I’m too fucking lazy to actually write a script and shit so LMAO. But then again random ideas are the best ideas because they tend to be unbiased and come from the creative side of your brain.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
I find that most of my aspirations in life are set by what society tells me to do, like I have to work a good paying job and have a stable life where I settle down and have a family. And maybe that’s what I want to do but honestly I just want to travel the world, typical, I know. I want to make a bunch of friends wherever I go and backpack across the world or something. I don’t need to make a lot of money because it doesn’t matter how much you make, having a 6k figure salary only means a two bedroom apartment with barely enough to scrap by after living expenses where i live, and it’ll only continue to get more expensive after i graduate so. but sometimes in the back of my mind, i just want to live in solitude surrounded by my favourite things without having any responsibilities, where i am forgotten by the world.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I don’t really have any set fears? I can’t really think of anything other than roaches going up my ears, or any insect for that matter. Maybe dying a really painful death but that’s better than torture, or existing but not living. like having a body but no mind. I read a few stories about the elderly being trapped in their body, basically like living zombies forced to live until they die. i’m just uncomfortable with the idea that you can’t “exit” life even after your soul has withered away and your existence serves no purpose to anything until your body breaks down. it’s like you’re numb to everything and you can’t comprehend anything but you have only that one window of consciousness that you can’t even exercise because you aren’t in control of your body. you know nothing, you don’t know who you are, who your loved ones are, etc.. You are basically reduced to the empty shell of your former self. Scary, huh?
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
Healthy balance of a social life, actually being social without forcing yourself to be. having a healthy relationship with yourself, with your loved ones. not having debilitating thoughts wherever you go.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
being numb to everything, having debilitating thoughts where you despise everyone in your life, think the worst of everyone in your life, self sabotaging relationships, distancing from relationships. being high-functioning because you look so happy outside but you actually haven’t showered in two weeks, haven’t brushed your hair in a month nor brushed your teeth in a week, and locked yourself inside your room til you can’t anymore. sleeping all the time because that’s the closest thing to not existing, immersing yourself into anime and manga because you can forget shit going on in your life. feeling like shit but not actually having a reason for that. I SOUND SO EDGY????
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I like to detach a lot, whenever I have free time I listen to music whenever I can to distract myself from reality. I daydream everyday because sometimes I’m so stressed out by the future that I want to leave. But day dreaming has always been a habit of mines, I started daydreaming around 7yrs old and I would daydream for hours about my perfect life and stuff and building alternate realities and intricate plots because that’s so much fun. I never pay attention to the things around me, I don’t think I even pay attention to anyone but myself. I’m not the type to pay attention to my surroundings so I’m not aware of what others think of me or how they act around me. When I daydream I often stare at the ground or zone out so I’m not aware of my surroundings LOL.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I daydream while walking around in circles, often about fandoms that I’m in. I also talk to myself a lot like I’m my own narrator. I like to think a lot about the universe itself because I don’t need to think about my life. I never actually have a set pattern of thoughts, they tend to jump around from thought to thought. So I’ll think a bit about the universe then it jumps to my fantasy land until it jumps to my past experiences and it jumps to myself, etc.. I’ll also think about things that I need to do, like finishing that one piece of artwork or practicing that new bass line I learnt.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I can be very impulsive at times but I already have a set answer to everything because I just am that person. I know what I want and it doesn’t take a lot for me to figure it out because like I said, I’m a very self aware person. I tend to be very indecisive when it comes to unimportant decisions though because they’re things that I can enjoy in the moment so I like to take my time deciding. Sometimes after making an important decision I might change it, but it’s usually because the situation has changed or another factor has changed or I gained a new perspective. But I am most often not unmoving after setting my decision.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Depends on how extreme my emotions are. When my grandma died, it took me a whole month to process that I was grieving, I was basically numb/shocked until I went to her funeral and that was the first time I ever cried about her passing. Grief is a weird thing. Emotions are important but I don’t really care about them. I’m basically a “as long as it doesn’t harm anyone then whatever” type of person.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Very often, actually, and I fucking hate it. Because whenever they say anything negative about something with no basis or explanation and I have to explain with them my perspective and the explanation of why that thing happens and they get pissy about me for it and think that I’m arguing. No, I’m not arguing, no, I’m not offended. I’m just trying to explain about why something they’re mad at is like that. They don’t like it when I give them logical arguments and questions because it breaks everything they know. So I usually keep quiet and rage silently while they go through their stupid mindfucks. I’m not about to risk my life explaining logic to someone who couldn’t give a shit. Like no Jennifer, you indoctrinate gay people, not the other way around. we literally get the death penalty in multiple countries for being gay and you’re saying that we’re trying to indoctrinate little timmy cause two girls were kissing each other?
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don’t break rules often unless they’re rules I deem stupid. Some rules are only kept in place to control others into thinking or acting a certain way. Authority should definitely be challenged to deem if they are fit enough to order us around. If we give them free reign of what to do then it won’t take long until a tyrant is ruling around. We are what gives them power, not the other way around. I break rules sometimes because I see no reason why I should follow those rules. If it doesn’t affect anyone then why should I care?

I've got a small (960 sq. ft.) home (2 bedroom, 1 bath) with a 20-year old water heater. The kitchen sink and dishwasher, the washing machine, and the shower have pex down to the crawlspace where they join the original galvanized plumbing, which along with all the plumbing in the crawlspace is also still supplying the bathroom toilet, bathroom sink, and hot water heater. Pretty sure the supply line from the city is original too.
Unsurprisingly, we get some rust coming through the pipes (hot water side only), especially if we've been away for a week or so. The home is in Seattle, WA so we don't have a hard water situation, and we've got no leaks or other issues. I've received bids to replace the remaining galvanized pipes and put in a new water heater, with a separate line item to replace the supply line from the city main. I've also recently drained and flushed the hot water heater -- and I know now I should have been doing that every year, and will keep up with that in the future.
My questions:

• If I can't afford to everything at once, in what order should I get the work done (of replacing hot water heater, pipes in home, and supply line)? One plumber said to do the supply line first; the others didn't seem to have a recommendation. Alternatively, I could wait while I save up enough to get it all done at once, recognizing the hot water heater might go out or some other problem could crop up.
  
• One person bidding told me I could save a bunch of money by supplying my own hot water heater. He specifically said there's no longer any real difference in quality between what he could get from a plumbing supply house and what I could get at a big box store, that the brands are all the same. Is this the case?
  

Thanks.

Deja vu is the closest thing I can relate it to but it’s not actually Deja vu it’s something else, I’ve experienced Deja vu but this feeling is weirder and almost sinister?? Idk
It’s like a feeling of instant fight or flight except I don’t do either n I’m kind of stuck and my head feels abit dizzy and I feel sick but not physically sick just like I get a really weird taste in my mouth all of a sudden and I feel like I’m kind of in danger but also I’m not at all idk but something just feels off😭it mainly happens ,for some reason, when I’m around running water like a shower or a tap but it can happen anywhere. I’ve experienced it since I was about 4 years old, it used to happen when i saw an object that was the “wrong size” like if a pencil was made into a giant statue or it was like a minuscule/Miniature version of something (I still sometimes get it from things like that but not as often)I also used to hallucinate giant spiders and swirl patterns when I was ill and that still happens I have no idea why.
I know this post is all over the place but I’ve asked so many people and tried to describe it so many times and no one has any idea what I’m on about and look at me like I’m insane. If anyone has any idea what this is please help me 🤣appreciated

I'm currently dealing with unexpected drain pipe issues in my house, resulting in needing to run as little water as possible for now. Which means speed showers. No telling yet how long this issue with the house will last before we can get it fixed, but definitely longer than I can get by with skipping hair washing and/or dry shampoo. I still need to wash my hair in the shower sometimes, but I need to do it faster, so that I run less water.
I have natural brown hair, with the ends lightened then dyed purple. 2B/2C waves. I've always done well with preserving my color by using color safe shampoos & conditioners, but it always takes a long time to get them rinsed out, no matter how little I use of either. My drain pipes won't let me take that kind of time right now. Conditioner-only washing has never worked for me. Neither has shampoo-only, and skipping conditioner entirely or using a leave-in. If I could find a 2-in-1 that's color safe, that could significantly cut down my shower time.
Are there any 2-in-1 shampoo+conditioner combos that are safe for fantasy colors? Bonus points if they rinse out easily!

Deja vu is the closest thing I can relate it to but it’s not actually Deja vu it’s something else, I’ve experienced Deja vu but this feeling is weirder and almost sinister?? Idk
It’s like a feeling of instant fight or flight except I don’t do either n I’m kind of stuck and my head feels abit dizzy and I can’t really think straight and I feel sick but not physically sick just like I get a really weird taste in my mouth all of a sudden and I feel like I’m kind of in danger but also I’m not at all idk but something just feels off😭it mainly happens ,for some reason, when I’m around running water like a shower or a tap but it can happen anywhere and usually lasts anywhere between 30 seconds to about 3 minutes.
I’ve experienced it since I was about 4 years old, it used to happen when i saw an object that was the “wrong size” like if a pencil was made into a giant statue or it was like a minuscule/Miniature version of something (I still sometimes get it from things like that but not as often)I also used to hallucinate giant spiders and swirl patterns when I was ill and that still happens I have no idea why
I know this post is all over the place but I’ve asked so many people and tried to describe it so many times and no one has any idea what I’m on about and look at me like I’m insane. If anyone has any idea what this is please help me 🤣appreciated

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Hey I will preface this with I am trans and on testosterone which can make you more sensitive/prone to issues. I also have recurring atrophy but I manage that with an estrogen cream (which I have heard can also cause yeast infections somehow, idk if that's true). I'm also on birth control (nexplanon).
Basically, lately it's just pretty burny and ouchy down there. When i had sex it kinda felt like i had papercuts by the entrance (inside didn't feel as bad). It's a tad itchy but mostly only when I'm wiping it down (i like to clean with a wet wipe every time i go to the bathroom). I also noticed there's more gunk on the outside (like in the folds) than usual, but it's not an insane amount or anything.
I don't have nasty discharge like most people say happens. I get white discharge that's a bit thick but I've been getting that for quite some time now (i figure it's from atrophy, it improves with E cream). I did notice though that it smells kinda weird, like metallic? But I don't know if that's new or not honestly. It's not super strong. The other day it looked sorta yellow but idk if that was pee staining it, hasn't happened again.
I shower daily (at most i skip 1 or 2 days) and i clean the outside thoroughly with soap and water, once before shaving and once after shaving.
I have condomless sex with my bf and he isn't as strict about hygiene as i am (he isn't disgusting and he showers daily, he just has sensory issues with soap so tend to wash with water only or minimal soap). Recently he said he felt itchy down there too so I was like....Hmmmm....
Does this sound like a yeast infection or could this be something else? The discharge makes me think atrophy symptoms, but the burning/itching/pain is something I've never experienced before.
I've been using clotrimazole on the outside for now and i think it's helping a bit with the discomfort, but I'm not sure.
(Also does anybody know if anything like monistat aka miconazole even exists in australia??? i can legit only find athletes foot cream....nothing for actual yeast infections. I'm not from here so idk where to find anything...i don't want to wait until I'm home to do something about it lol)

Hi, I don’t exactly know how to start this so I guess I’ll just get to the point. My hair is 2B/2C and low porosity. My hair always seems to get frizzy no matter what I do. My daily routine is: Rinse hair in warm water, shampoo with Bumble Bumble moisturizing shampoo, wash it out in cold water, condition with Bumble Bumble 3-in-1 conditioner, let it sit for about 5-10 minutes and then wash it out with cold water. I then dry my hair with a microfiber towel, put in As I Am leave-in conditioner, Oaui Curl Cream, and Miss Jessies Jelly Soft Curls. Then I let it airdry. My hair always ends up frizzy. Prior to even putting any of the after-shower products in, my hair is already frizzy. Could someone let me know where I’m going wrong? I’ve read that low-porosity hair is prone to protein buildup so I was planning to buy a clarifying shampoo, but I don’t know which one. Recommendations would be greatly appreciated! Additionally, my hair is especially prone to frizz when it’s super windy or cold, is there any way to fix that? Thank you all, in advance!

I see many ideas to clean hard water stains off glass. That is what i thought was causing my droplet stains even if i squeegeed after every shower. As it turns out, we do not have hard water or calcium water, but high amounts of silica in the water. While a filtering system has stopped new problems including clogging ice filters and coffee pots, I still can’t get the droplet stains off my shower glass. I have even tried a soft steel wool. Any other ideas?

30M Separated 18 months, together 6 years, married 1.5 years. I bought the house prior to getting married. (her credit was shit) No kids. I am hoping this will be a quick and easy process with no lawyers involved. I came home from a work trip one day, she starts an argument with me and calls the police. I spend the night in jail. I sign a 1 year DVPO and the charges are dropped. I'm going to assume she cheated, or thought I was cheating and cheated, I really don't care. My 'faith' in the justice system, and the institution of marriage was shattered in the span of 3 hours. At this point I do not care about the marriage ending, but the loss of agency involved with being handcuffed and walked out of your house into a police car when you have done nothing to deserve it still angers me. Actually, it frightens me. I always feel as though Swat will be kicking my door down any second.
I went on to spend a month in the VA hospital because all I wanted to do after that was delete myself. About 80% of the guys in there were in for the same thing. I think this did more harm than good though because after I got out I isolated myself further from friends and family. I wonder if I had started to become institutionalized. I essentially fell out of society for 6-8 months lol. I was that guy sleeping in his car and showering at the gym. Not because I didn't have anywhere else to go, I just couldn't stay in an empty house.
I don't know what it was but around month 9 I felt a strong sense of mental and spiritual clarity about the direction I wanted to take my life, and it wasn't living in my fucking car. Like one day I woke up in the freezing cold like 'what the fuck am I doing lmao'. There was no need to continue to punish myself and shiver away while the world continues on. At that point I begin taking the advice given in this sub to heart (Go to the gym, eat healthy, focus on goals etc) and this caused me to want to be more social. I reached out to friends who were glad I was still alive. I starting dating again and this is where I realized that women can be an amazing addition to life, but absolutely never the entire point. Men are told to put their girlfriends/wives on a pedestal "happy wife happy life" and not only is it demeaning and sexist, it doesn't work lol. You need to put your life's purpose on a pedestal, whatever that is. And you need a solid support system. Yes it is a need. If you are married and your wife activity tries to shut down platonic connections you have made (like mine did) I don't know what to tell you but to run. Because if/when she leaves you will be left with zero social support which is as important to a human as food and water.
All this is to say, 18 months out, and I am just ready to move on. Not 'recovering from divorce' or 'working through things', but divorced and free from all of this nonsense and worry about 'what is going to happen'. Life is too short and there are too many places to travel, food to eat, tail to chase etc. I just hope she wants to make this as easy as I do. Thanks.
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Sicily, the largest island in the Mediterranean Sea, is renowned for its stunning coastline, crystal-clear waters, and warm Mediterranean climate. As May ushers in the promise of summer, many travelers flock to this Italian gem, eager to dip their toes into the inviting waters. But the question arises: Is May a suitable time for swimming in Sicily? Let's dive into the details.
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May marks the transition from spring to summer in Sicily. The weather begins to warm up, with average temperatures ranging from 18°C to 25°C (64°F to 77°F), making outdoor activities, including swimming, enticing for visitors. However, it's essential to consider various factors before planning your aquatic adventures.
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One of the primary considerations is water temperature. In May, the sea around Sicily starts to warm up, but it may still be a bit chilly for some swimmers, particularly early in the month. The average sea temperature in May ranges from 17°C to 20°C (63°F to 68°F). While some may find this temperature refreshing, others may prefer warmer waters.
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Another aspect to keep in mind is weather conditions. May in Sicily typically sees mild and pleasant weather, with plenty of sunshine and minimal rainfall. However, occasional showers or windy days are not uncommon, especially earlier in the month. Checking the weather forecast before heading to the beach can help you plan your swimming excursions accordingly.
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The choice of beaches also plays a role in determining the suitability for swimming in May. Sicily boasts a diverse array of coastal landscapes, from sandy shores to rocky coves. Some beaches, particularly those on the southern and western coasts, tend to warm up faster due to their exposure to the sun. Popular destinations like San Vito Lo Capo, Mondello, and Cefalù often offer favorable swimming conditions in May.
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Furthermore, the presence of facilities and amenities can enhance the swimming experience. Many beaches in Sicily are equipped with services such as lifeguards, restrooms, and beach bars, ensuring comfort and safety for visitors. However, it's essential to note that these amenities may be less available or crowded, especially in the earlier part of the season.
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Beyond the practical considerations, swimming in Sicily in May offers unique advantages. With fewer tourists compared to the peak summer months, you can enjoy more serene and uncrowded beaches, allowing for a more relaxed and intimate experience with nature. Additionally, the surrounding landscapes, including rugged cliffs, picturesque villages, and azure waters, create a breathtaking backdrop for your aquatic adventures.
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For those who enjoy water sports, May can be an excellent time to indulge in activities such as snorkeling, diving, or windsurfing. The clear visibility underwater and moderate sea conditions make it ideal for exploring Sicily's vibrant marine life and underwater landscapes.
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while May may not offer the warmest water temperatures, swimming in Sicily during this month is indeed possible and enjoyable for many travelers. By considering factors such as water temperature, weather conditions, choice of beaches, and available amenities, you can make the most of your aquatic escapades in this captivating island paradise. So pack your swimsuit, sunscreen, and sense of adventure, and dive into the splendors of Sicily's coastal wonders.

I have just stopped washing my hair every day. I know it’s bad, my hair just gets so oily even after skipping one wash. I’m starting with washing every other day at first. Then I’ll work my way up to more days between washes.
Are you supposed to still rinse your hair on non wash days? I’ve been doing this and my hair seems to break more easily when I don’t have any product in it and it’s just water.
Any tips on what to do on non wash days to prevent oil? And any tips on how to work up to washing less. I also really like hot showers but I know that’s bad for your hair and skin.

This is going to be super long. I am so tired acting like my husband’s mother instead of his wife. I need a place to rant because he is making me feel like I am crazy. It started with little things and over the years it is just getting to be bigger and bigger issues.
At first it would be little things. Like he would be at work and I would be at home and I would notice we would be on our last roll of toilet paper and so I would ask him to get some on his way home from work.
Some context the place he would work was a thirty second walk to the grocery store(edit: I originally put minutes instead of seconds because I didn’t proof read). Like the parking lots are right next to each other, you can’t turn out of his work without looking at the grocery store. I didn’t have a car at that point. It would be a 45 to an hour walk one way for me to get to the grocery store. And Ubers weren’t in our budget.
He would come home without toilet paper and would say oops I forgot. Then the next time I would ask him to get something he would say remind me when I’m about to get off work. He worked at a restaurant so there’s not set times that he’s done, he finishes when everything is finished. So I would text him when I knew the restaurant is closed to get toilet paper.
Comes home. No toilet paper.
Over time it just got worse and worse. My thought is you literally have a phone and an Apple Watch. You can literally tell Siri, “hey siri, remind me at X:XX to go get toilet paper.”
Fast forward a couple years, he brings home a cat. His coworker caught a kitten outside of her apartment building but already had too many cats herself and couldn’t keep him. He lied and told me it’s we take him or he goes to the pound.
He knows im an animal lover and would never refuse to prevent a cat from going to the shelter. So I said okay we will foster him and try to find him a home. Well I fell in love with the cat and 4 years later, he is a permanent fixture in our family. But I made a point to say that this is OUR cat, not MY cat. I already own a rabbit, if I wanted a cat I would have got one.
Fast forward to now, we are living with my parents after a series of unfortunate events. Last Wednesday, our cat had emergency surgery because he swallowed a foreign object. We done have the money so my parents paid for it. He would have died without the surgery.
I haven’t been working because of an injury. My husband still works but he doesn’t pay all of our bills only his because he doesn’t make enough.
For the past few months I have been begging for my husband to take care of our cat instead of me doing everything for him. I’m the one who makes his vet appointments, pays for them, buys his food, his litter, cleans his boxes, plays with him, etc. my husband gives the cat a few minutes of attention when he gets home from work and then sits in the bathroom for several hours before he goes to sleep. He sleeps until he literally has to go to work and is normally late. I know my husband is depressed but he refuses to get help for it.
He told me he doesn’t remember to scoop the cats litter box unless he is looking at it and then tells me it doesn’t need to be scooped daily. He told me if I want the litter box scooped to tell him and he will do it, but like… I got my own problems. I don’t need to spend my day reminding him what to do. If I wanted that, I would have had a child.
Anyways back to the surgery, when our cat got neutered we tried putting him in a small bathroom but he kept jumping on everything. The vet said try a large dog crate. Well we tried that and the cat got too much anxiety and dumped his litter box upside down and in his water and spilled that too and it was a huge mess. Eventually we came up with the idea of a camping tent, that way it was more space, nothing to jump on and I could stay with him to reduce the cats separation anxiety.
For this surgery, they said movements restricted for 14 days so his intestine and abdominal sutures don’t tear and he doesn’t get sepsis. Back to the tent. My husband was asking the vet if he could just stay in our bedroom but I said he literally jumps all over the place in our bedroom, not just onto his cat tree because my husband thought it would be enough to just remove the cat tree. The vet tech said he recommends bringing the tent back out.
My husband said you went crazy in the tent last time. I said yes but if this is want we need to do to get our boy through then that’s what I got to do. My husband said we would take turns sleeping in the tent except for these first three days because he works Friday night, a double Saturday and then Sunday morning. Then after his shift Sunday is his little brothers birthday and so he has to go play golf with him. I said that’s fine but I still need help so I can take breaks and shower and stuff.
Everything with the cat was fine until Friday night. I’m super allergic to cats so I have been dosing low doses of benedryl throughout the day to lower my allergy symptoms but not enough to knock me out.
Well the cat starts having diarrhea and not when he goes to the litter box diarrhea, like just leaking out of his butt diarrhea. Both his primary and the emergency vet said if he starts having diarrhea call us immediately and they made it seem like it was really bad if that happens.
I just got diagnosed with autism at 28 years old. I had no clue and don’t have the tools to control meltdowns. I start freaking out. I took too much benedryl to drive and my father just got out of being hospitalized and my brother works night shifts so I don’t really have anyone to ask to drive me to the emergency vet. I was having a meltdown while trying to wipe all the diarrhea out of the cats fur. His is a medium hair and has extra long fur on his butt so you can see how it wasn’t going well wiping his butt.
I text my husband because I know the restaurant had been closed for 2 hours at this point. I told him I need him home now because I can’t do this alone. I also told him I need him to call the vet because at this point there was diarrhea all over the floor of the tent and I didn’t want the cat to lay on it and get it in his incisions.
My husband wasn’t answering so I woke my brother who woke my dad and my father started raising his voice at me which made the meltdown worse.
My husband eventually answered me and left work ten minutes after and called the vet. They said that as long as the diarrhea isn’t constant and he is still drinking water it is okay because the only thing they are worried about is dehydration. That calmed me down and my husband went to bed because he was supposed to work a double shift the next morning.
Well the cat had diarrhea all night and so we removed everything that wasn’t easily washable from the tent and between bouts of diarrhea I slept on the ground.
In the morning, I called his normal vet because it had been 10 hours of diarrhea at this point. They prescribed some food for him. He is all good now.
Well 9:30 am rolls around and my husband isn’t up yet. So I call him and he wakes up and says oh I’m not working this morning. This made me kind of mad because the only reason I was in the tent last night was because he was supposed to work a double. Also instead of maybe checking on me and the cat, he went back to sleep in our bed. At this point I had to ask him if he could come downstairs to the tent so I can shower and get some caffeine and he said right now? And I said yes, I’ve been wiping poop off of a cats butt all night. I would like to shower.
Onto today, the cats diarrhea is more controlled so I was able to make the tent more comfortable to sleep in but I’m in pain from sleeping on the floor for two nights and my allergies have me using more paper towels to blow my nose than it did to clean up 12 hours of poop.
Half way through my husband’s shift he texts me that his mom moved him and his brothers tee time for golf so it will be later in the day. I expressed my frustration because I was already having to wait until 7pm for him to get home so I can shower and have some time not in a tent.
I offered a compromise and said that’s fine go play golf still but once you hit the two hour mark say your done and he said he can’t do that because his relationship with his family is already not great and that they are going to think, “well she’s already sitting in the tent, why do you need to go home and sit in the tent?”
I don’t like his family. His step father abused him and his mother let it happen. They also treat their pets horribly and have had three pets die unnecessarily in the past 7 years and gave one away because they found him annoying because of the anxiety he got from treating the dog poorly.
My husband refuses to set boundaries with them and doesn’t think he was abused as a child. It’s not normal to be whipped with a belt ten times because you didn’t get the dishes done on time or your left a shirt on the floor of your bedroom.
Anyways, I typed out a long text message to him that I was going to send when he was done golfing. He was texting me updates while he was golfing about how it was super busy and it was taking them longer. At no point did he say he was going to cut it off at the two hour mark. I didn’t respond because I was angry and didn’t see the point to respond while emotional.
He eventually sends a text saying are you ignoring me? And I said I was going to wait to for you to finish before I say what I want to say. And he responds “what did I do?”
So I sent this text: (Crowley is our cat, I think I removed all the other names)
I’m feeling extremely frustrating. It feels like once again the cats entire care is falling on me to do and manage. We have had this conversation many times before but it feels like it falls on deaf ears and it feels like with the amount of times that I have told you, that you are actively choosing not to listen to me.
Friday night was supposed to be your night in the tent but we decided that I would sleep on the ground in a tent because you had a double. You ended up getting out of that shift. When you found out that you were no longer working, you did not tell me. Instead you went back to sleep while I slept on the ground in the tent.
I feel like the nice thing to do would have been immediately tell me that you were no longer working and offer to be in the tent the entire morning. I didn’t find out you were no longer working until I called to see if you were getting up for work. You didn’t offer to take a shift in the tent. I had to ask and even then it was only enough time for me to shower and make tea.
Friday morning when you took a shift so I could try and go to the allergist, the first thing that you said when I got back was “what have you been doing this whole time?” As if I was abusing your time and took too much time for myself.
I’m the one making crowleys charts, I’m the one giving him his medicine. I’m the one who spent 12 hours through the night wiping poop off of his butt instead of trying to sleep through the night.
My allergies are on fire and I’m dosing benedryl multiple times a day and taking double what I’m supposed to of the daily pill so I can take care of Crowley. Even through the extreme benedryl haze, I am waking up to make sure he gets food and medicine and everything else.
I woke up this morning to Crowley in my face with a giant piece of poop on his cone because he decided to use his cone to scoop his own litter.
My shoulder hurts from sleeping on the ground. My body hurts from sitting in the tent all day. I’m not even eating dinner with my family because Crowley freaks out when he is alone in the tent and I don’t want him to get hurt.
So can’t you see that it just really sucks that it feels like you aren’t stepping up and taking some responsibility for the cat you brought into our lives. While I love him dearly, you also have a responsibility to take care of him.
What does that say about your family that two hours of golf isn’t enough when YOU had a family emergency this week that isn’t resolved and still needs tending to. Just because they are your family, doesn’t mean you have to give in every single time. At some point you need to learn to set some boundaries with them, instead of just trying to please them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cat, it is still a responsibility and adults take care of their responsibilities. It just happens that this one is a living being. It doesn’t matter that your family doesn’t value animals like I do. All that should matter is that YOU value Crowley. It feels like you only value him when it is convenient for you. That’s not how pets work. You have to work around them.
I feel like my family right now is helping more than you. I’m not trying to guilt you into taking care of the cat. I just want you to reflect on your actions.
If my body suffering means that cat is okay then that’s a sacrifice I willingly make. But if my body is suffering so [husband’s name] can play unrestricted golf, that doesn’t really feel like a partnership or a team like a marriage is supposed to be. That is why I’m frustrated and hurt. Not because I’m taking care of Crowley, because the person who is supposed to be on my side isnt.
I didn’t tell you to not play golf on your brothers birthday. I didn’t tell you to get out of work yesterday morning either. I suggested that you put a cap on golf. when you said no I can’t do that because of my family, that communicates to be that you value your families opinion more than you value your responsibility to take care of our cat and you value their opinion more than me. That you can’t put a cap on a leisure activity to give your wife an unrestricted break. Because right now the only breaks I’ve gotten are when I’ve asked [my brother] for 20 minutes so I can piss and shove some food in my mouth.
It would be nice if I didn’t have to tell my husband I need a break. That is what I have been saying for months about mental load and feeling like your mother instead of your wife. I shouldn’t have to say, hey it’s time for you to sit for 20 minutes with you cat, you should do it without prompting.
You know I don’t like changes in schedules last minute. My gut reaction was freak out and instead I offered a compromise, which would have allowed you to still go golfing and would have had you home at around the same time and immediately you shit down the compromise with no compromise of your own. And as per usual, giving in to your families wants. You are now married, your new family should take priority over your mom [step father] and your siblings. Crowley is the closest thing you have to child right now and I wish you would treat him as such because he deserves it. You shouldn’t give Crowley attention just when you feel like it, you should met his needs on his terms too because that’s what taking care of a child means.
Before you come home and start an argument, I want you to read this a few times over and reflect on what I am saying, and how I feel, and what you have been doing since we got Crowley out of the hospital.
He comes home from golf and says do you need to use the bathroom or can I go shower? I had already told him at this point that he needs to shower before he enters the tent because I’m incredibly allergic to grass and my allergies with the cat are already terrible so I’m annoyed he’s asking. I told him to go shower.
He goes and spends 40 minutes showering and comes back. I take a shower and take my medicine and eat and come back to the tent because he has a double tomorrow. He angrily tells me I don’t need to be in the tent. I told him he has a double tomorrow and I don’t expect him to sleep in the tent. He tells me to go to the bedroom and I said fine, I’ll be back in an hour and a half. I come back and start to get in the tent and he again angrily says what are you doing? I said it’s been an hour and a half and he says that I don’t have to sleep in the tent. I ask if he has given the cat his pain medicine and of course the answer was no.
So I get the cat his medicine and all of my husbands responses are short and with a temper. So I said are you ignoring me and he said no and I said well you haven’t addressed anything I said and he said because you said not to start a fight. I responded that’s why I told you to read it a few time and think it over before you come home so we can talk. He said he didn’t do that.
We had an argument but the short story is he said you’re mad that you had to ask for help and I said a good partner doesn’t have to be asked, they offer help in the first place and he says he thinks that’s wrong and a good partner wouldn’t get mad because they have to ask. He said that I said I would spend the two weeks in the tent and I told him he responded to that that we would take turns, so I was under the impression that we would actually take turns.
And he said is this what this entire argument sums up to and I said no. It sums up that you are not a good enough pet owner to put cat. He went to bed in our bedroom and I’m sitting in a tent feeling fucking crazy.
We briefly tried couples therapy but cannot financially afford it anymore and he wouldn’t open up to the therapist. I know the cat is just the problem right now but this is a repeated thing where he ignores his responsibilities in life in general and also bends over backwards to please his parents.

I'd just like to know that I'm not alone in this. Everytime someone says cravings go away after a few minutes I start wondering if I'm screwed with cursed genetics or something. Because that's absolutely not been my experience.
After maybe 8 hours (it varies) I get cravings that just slowly build up where I get more and more agitated. I'll find myself pacing around, catch myself muttering random crap, elevated heart rate, and being twitchy. My brain just won't shut about smoking and this continues to escalate until I'm not thinking straight anymore and cave in. Longest I've lasted like this is maybe 3 or 4 hours trying to distract myself.
I suspect its psychological but its not like I can just turn it off. I've tried just about everything to deal with this with no success walks, shower, working out, brushing teeth, video games, tv, alcohol, caffeine, water, etc.
Advice wouldn't hurt but I'd also just like to know I'm not the only person that gets cravings like that.

The home inspection for the property we are buying just came back and the home needs a lot of repairs. The home was listed saying that the price was adjusted for cosmetics and carpet. When we initially put the offer our realtor asked to not request for seller concessions because home would appraise for more, around 375k. My gut told me to ignored his advice and offer full price and ask for 10k in concessions. The offer got accepted. Go us! The appraisal and home inspection came back today. The home appraised for 360k. Ok it is what it is. But the home inspection revealed more than just cosmetic things. I will just mention the major ones that are a priority. But there were 64 blue items, 10 orange and 5 red.
1)The roof is missing some shingles, I think it’s called flashing, between the property and the garage. Water is getting in between and damaging the garage ceiling. There is moisture and water spots visible from inside the garage. (Garage open doesn’t work)
2) HVAC is rusted. It works and it will do the jobs but there’s visible rust. Picture rust, then triple it.
3) Theres a water line/hook up where fridge goes, this wall has moisture signs and the drywall is toasted, and there is a water leak somewhere in there. I think behind the drywall.
4)All faucets, I mean all faucets, kitchen, bathrooms, showers, outside gardening hose. Leak water. Like a lot.
5) Master standing shower is gone. It needs a full replacement. There is also moisture signs on the corner of the shower.
6) Carpet at the whole house needs to be replaced. The inspector was like the carpet needs to go. When I turned the heater on you could smelled the dog urine. All the carpet has stains and the dog used the house as toilet.
7) laundry room hookups leak water. There’s probably some water damage behind the drywall and possible mold.
8) Sprinkler system. Sprinkler heads? What is that? There’s not a single sprinkler head.
These are just a few of the repairs. We feel like our realtor is not taking care of us and we want to asked for a price reduction since there are so many urgent repairs and the so called discount for cosmetic and carpet is non existent when the house appraised at asking price. What do you think would be fair to ask for a price reduction? How do i convince my realtor that the repairs are no small thing and we need him to fight for us?

this is the story of my acute viral myocarditis 4 weeks in ICU when I was 17, deteriorating very fast and was already transferred to get ready for transplantation.
TLDR; I was very stoned and turned blind which made me catch it extremely early. It was a small dot only found on Ultrasound; MRI or radio etc. coundn’t catch it. Turned into a near heart failure and recovered suddenly in 3 days from peak to total recovery with 0 damage.
So like the title says, this why my first symptom. It’s like the white stars you see (atleast with me sometimes) when you lay down and suddently stand up. The blood rushes from your head but instead of a couple white starts, everything was plain white. So I was outside with a friend and we were sitting on a bench at night rolling a spliff. It was clean very strong weed. I started inhaling started seeing stars and feeling nauseous which I do get sometimes. So I kept spliffing and passing and with each puff I got more and more and it would stay. At one point I stopped and I opened my eyes and couldn’t see nothing. Like when I say nothing, literally I would widen my eyes and nothing would change, just pure bright whiteness.
me: bro i’m blind him: what me: i’m blind. i can’t see. him: you can’t see me: yeah, everything is white. i’m blind me: sitting there high out of my mind trying ti stay normal start laying on the bench him: bro let’s go somewhere else me: ok
he was kind of annoyed cause he was thinking i’m exaggerating but went along and led me to a different place. then I just said “bro i’m going home” him: are you sure? me: yeah i am going to continue. i can’t sit anywhere. i need to sleep this one out.
so i walk home 2km for like 20 minutes with a mental map. i could see a little bit only for a blink if rushed my head downwards and looked up and it only worked if you were straight up for at least a minute. if you stood up for 5 minutes, you could see for 5 seconds of you put your head down and looked up
so i stumbled in my room and immediately went to bed. during the night, i woke up multiple times from fast heartbeat which never happened to me. i noticed my breath was heavy as if i just did sport. it persisted which confirmed to me, my body was lacking oxygen and compensating. had to do something with heart or lung.
So went to the doctor and she said I have nothing and should come back when worse. This time I had added back pain and couldn’t sleep.
So the next day, she sent me in for testing and they did everything, even MRI and didn’t find anything. I didn’t tell them that I smoke weed but described the blindness the way I described and they were VERY concerned. Then finally after 9 hours constant investigating they discovered a very small white dot on my heart which meant heart attack or very early pericarditis. Luckily the layer was confirmed.
I caught it very early and haven’t been to the doctor for 2 years but “luckily” i smoked weed. I was put in ICU and started deteriorating pretty quickly, by week 1 the (viral) infection already sprung onto the muscle and became the most intensively cared patient in the hospital with 10 nurses around me 24/7 measuring every fkn thing.
I asked a lot of questions, I asked for MRI animations so that I can see what they see. My left side was double the size and not pumping and the right side was just holding on. All my organs were filling up with blood cause my circulation was failing, 200 ml water in my lungs and severe pain.
By week 2 I got transferred into an elite heart clinic for minors of which I was apparently the 10th patient in the last 2 years of which 2 got a new heart, one died. What helped me was asking questions and trusting the doctors to have peace of mind. Also understand what made the other cases fatal was that both were athletes who didn’t notice it for months and then collapsed on the field and were directly transported to the clinic. the heart would become larger and “like lether” when do sport and such, setting it up for failure. So ask these questions. Be curious. My chief doctor would take to the back rooms and treat me like an intern (even got an actual offer later).
At peak in week 4, I was told 33% chance of heart failure, 33% of heart damage and 33% recovery so literally anything could happen and then out of nowhere my immune system cracked the puzzle and my antibodies halved each day, the second day I left bed for the first time to take a shower, after three days I was out, fully healed with no damage.
Didn’t need therapie, nothing. I ran my heart up 220 bbm in conditioning tests, ran for a good 20 minutes and they said everything perfect.
I didn’t move 100% of the time so no cooking, no washing, had to pee in a bottle and sh*t in a bucket. i was kept really warm so I was sweating like crazy so I would request fresh clothes and try to wipe me clean.
be confident that nothing can happen no matter how bad it is. Protect your heart from your mental, let your immune system do the job. I fully accepted the situation and just trusted it cause there was nothing else i could do and the only influence i had, to be statistical outlier, was to not worry cause who the hell doesn’t worry? for me it was competition against those 10 past patients. I wanted to be the best most self-caring patient.
Look for ways to distract yourself, I picked up the nintendo and played Zelda. Have humour, no matter how cynical. I was vey kooky to attract the nurse almost in my age (19), very beautiful so I had someone to relate too. I was on beta blockers, not sure what else although the sleep was terrible i remember that shitty O2 reader clamped on my finger. light constant clamp over time would make your finger hurt like a mf

[Full text below, but it's way better with lots of photos and images here - https://dirtsmith.com/the-seven-minutes-that-justify-my-existence ]
Seven minutes elapsed from the time I pulled over, to the moment I left the scene.
[I know, because I was calling 911 as I ran to the car, and the call log shows 7:43pm. The time stamp from the last shot (taken right before I drove off) was 7:50pm].
In California, Smoke Always Gets My Attention
It was a Sunday evening in the Spring of 2022. My girlfriend and I had both spent the week laid up in bed with our first rounds of Covid. I was driving home from the office. I had gone in on the weekend to grab my computer, so I could work from home the next week. The day was warm and I had no intention of interacting with anyone, so I was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of (ridiculously light and short) swim trunks that I only wear around the house.
It was just getting on towards dusk. Up ahead, where the road began to curve, a puff of smoke drifted from the trees on the right shoulder. At first I thought it must be a fire from a homeless encampment (not uncommon). This is California, and we had been suffering from terrible wildfires, so a fire in the trees would be bad.
There were few cars on the highway. It was easy to slow way down and get a good look as I was passing. I had my phone out with 911 punched in, ready to alert emergency response as soon as I knew what was happening.
As I drew abreast, I saw a vehicle up against a tree. Smoke filled the interior, drifting out from under the hood.
The driver side door was closed and there was no one outside the vehicle. I knew someone was trapped.
The Long Seven Minutes Begin
I had already slowed significantly and I immediately pulled off the shoulder, dialing 911 as I got out of my car. I grabbed my keys before I shut the door (which turned out to be fortuitous). Running to the crash, my 911 call failed; it sounded like a busy signal or something. I wondered if I was in a bad service area (totally possible on that stretch of road), so I pocketed my phone, cursing.
As I got to the crash I saw what looked like molten fire dripping from the bottom of the engine. And now smoke was pouring faster from under the hood. The car was slammed right up into a pine tree.
I ran to the driver side door and tried the handle, but it wouldn’t open. The interior of the vehicle was just FULL of smoke; it was basically opaque. I was yelling to anyone inside, but there was no response.
Moving around the car trying each door, I found they were all locked. At the passenger side, I could see NOTHING through the window. Flames now rose from the front left corner of the vehicle into the pine tree, the fire licking the branches.
Running back around the vehicle to the driver side, I saw that another guy had pulled over. He was out of his car and had his phone out. I figured I wouldn’t need to worry about calling 911 again.
Peering closely through the driver side window, I realized I could just make out an arm resting against the door! I began shouting more forcefully and banging on the window. But there was no response.
Then I remembered that I had my keys in my pocket. And that I had an aluminum spike on the ring that I was using for a key chain. It’s the sort of thing they sell as an emergency self-defense weapon and tool. I had always just assumed it was something you could use to break glass if you were ever trapped in a car.
The Wrong Tool For The Job
I grabbed the spike and swung it hard against the window. But it didn’t break! I hit it again, harder. And again, and again, and nothing happened. But the impacts were very sharp and very loud. Loud enough to awaken the driver, who began to move and call out. The voice was muffled, and I couldn’t understand the words. I was yelling “Open the door! Open the door! You have to get out!”
I could see and hear some activity as the driver attempted to get the door open, without success. More faint shouting, but I couldn’t make out the words. The smoke was beginning to make breathing difficult for me, and I couldn’t imagine what it must be like inside. And the driver had been breathing nothing but smoke since before I even arrived on scene.
Stepping back from the car to try and collect my wits, I saw the other fellow standing closer now with his phone to his ear and his lips moving. He had to be connected with police dispatch. Looking back at the car, the fire was concentrated on the driver side corner, but it was moving back towards the interior, through the tree branches, the underbrush, the engine compartment itself. I could feel the heat from the fire even from a distance, and my poolside outfit offered zero protection. Within moments I would be unable to work from beside the driver’s door.
I felt terrible anxiety. For a second I wondered if I would have to stand there and watch while someone burned to death in front of me. It was a horrific feeling. I wouldn’t be able to handle witnessing that in complete helplessness. Should I find myself in that position, convinced there was NOTHING I could do to help, I knew that I would simply run as far and as fast as I could.
Preparation
I was raised in a very stressful and physically grueling trade, with my high-intensity Type-A father (a.k.a. “Ironhorse”) for a boss. We’ve each left the field decades ago, but to this day we both have occasional PTSD dreams about it. It was the sort of environment that routinely forced you to take immediate action under stress to prevent a bad situation from rapidly deteriorating.
Oh yeah, and the pay was lousy.
My best friend worked with us a bit during the summertime, while we were both in high school. He went on to the army, and maintains that nothing in boot camp was as hard as what we dealt with regularly.
In short, it sucked.
But it did shape me, for better and for worse. It imparted a “Failure Is NOT An Option!” “Press On Regardless!” mindset. I believe that mindset has produced some life-damaging consequences, and I have worked to let it go.
But it is also a resource that’s proven its worth.
In that moment I was able to pause, take a deep breath, and collect myself. I could step back physically, emotionally, and mentally to reflect, for just a few seconds, on the situation and my environment.
“The Solution Is Always Right In Front Of You”
Ironhorse often remarks that he can always find the resources to fix a problem he is dealing with if he just looks around where he is standing. [I reply that he’s right, but only because we are slobs and leave all sorts of stuff strewn about our habitat].
But he IS right. An essential component of intelligence is tool improvisation. It’s an intelligence we are losing here in the “developed” world, but you can see it everywhere in less developed nations.
So I took stock of my surroundings. There were tools everywhere.
The car had crashed into a pine tree, but it was a loner in a grove of eucalyptus. Eucalyptus trees shed hardwood branches of all sizes and shapes continually, and these were everywhere. (Along with their bark, which was actually part of the problem; the stuff burns like matchbooks).
A promising spar lay nearby. It was long enough to provide high tangential speed, heavy and hard enough to shatter glass. So I grabbed it and started busting out the windows. I began with the rear hatch, then hit the two rear passenger windows. I didn’t smash the driver’s window. (The fire was too close to work there anyway, and I didn’t think showering the driver in broken glass while clubbing him in the head would help matters).
I had hoped that this would at least dissipate the smoke. That way the driver could breathe, and I could see what I was dealing with. While the smoke did begin to disperse, it was agonizingly slow. And whatever smoke did escape just added to what was produced by the blaze. I was already trying to catch air farther from the car, and breath as little as possible when I was close.
Plan C
I looked through the broken rear window but could see nothing. For a moment I contemplated crawling in through the back hatch and trying to extract the driver bodily. Then I thought of my daughter. Maybe it was just a justification for my flagging courage; I can’t say. But in any case, I ruled that option out.
The eucalyptus spar was still in my hand. It was six or seven feet long. I put one foot on the bumper, leaned in through the hatch, and began to prod and tap where the driver should be. “Grab the stick! You have to grab the stick!!! GRAB THE STICK!!!” I shouted.
I was fishing for the driver.
Fishers Of Men
Almost immediately I felt resistance and weight on the spar! I was elated! Now pulling, firmly but slowly, I was able to draw the stick back, maybe a yard.
Then suddenly it went slack.
I leaned in through the back of the hatch as far as I could. Through the clearing smoke I could barely make out a hand reaching towards me, the arm vanishing into smoke! It was just close enough to grab! I reached out and caught it by the wrist, and then pulled forcefully. The driver slid easily through the car towards the rear hatch! Now I could see a man’s head and shoulders, and I was able to grab him bodily and lift his torso out through the hatch.
It was a young man. His eyes were very wide, and vividly, brightly blue. He was in a daze.
As I struggled to pull him through the window, his jeans caught on broken glass. After a couple tugs I looked over to the man still on the phone with emergency services and barked angrily for him to give me a hand! He snapped out of his stupor and helped me unhook the driver. We pull him the rest of the way out and laid him on the ground, then dragged him away from the flames.
He lay on his back, eyes still wide and blazing blue, staring straight up at the sky. I was yelling, “Is there anyone else in the car!?” but he was completely unresponsive.
Help Arrives
I ran back around to the passenger side to see if the smoke had cleared enough to get a look inside. The fire wasn’t so bad there yet, so I could get pretty close. But as I ran to the door I heard someone shout, “Use the fire extinguisher!”
I stopped and glanced around. Again, “Use the fire extinguisher!”
I was looking about wildly. I couldn’t even tell where the voice was coming from, let alone where this fire extinguisher was supposed to be! The shout came again. I saw, through a thicket further away off the shoulder and close to some residences, a man standing, holding a fire extinguisher over a fence. I ran over and struggled through the thicket to him.
Grabbing the fire extinguisher, I made my way back to the car. But I was in complete exhaustion by this point.
Fortunately, a few other people had stopped and gathered at the scene. Someone was already running towards me to take the fire extinguisher from my hands. He grabbed it and darted towards the fire on the passenger side. I fell to my knees, completely out of breath.
Leave It to the Professionals
Just then, a voice over a loudspeaker ordered, “Step away from the vehicle!” I looked up to see a sheriff’s deputy exiting a squad car. I got up and began to slowly walk back towards my car.
I saw the young man who was second on the scene, who had called 911 and helped pull the driver out of the rear hatch, and we immediately embraced.
As I was leaving, I had the presence of mind to snap the photos you see here. More cars had pulled over, and a young couple was standing outside their vehicle. They gave me a bottle of water to drink as I tried to catch my breath.
Before I left, I spoke with another couple who had arrived to help just before the sheriff’s deputy. They were walking away from the scene, and I asked if there had been another passenger in the car. They assured me that there had not.
I snapped a couple more photos from a distance. Looking at them later I could see that the driver was well enough to move. One picture shows him sitting on the curb by the sheriff’s car, far from the fire, attended by another passerby.
By this point the fire was climbing up into the trees. I got in my car and drove off, hoping that the fire department could reach the scene before the whole grove began burning out of control.
Aftermath
I was fortunate to get out with only a couple, very minor scratches.
My biggest concern was that I immediately began to develop unpleasant respiratory distress. By the next day I felt like I was slipping into a full Covid relapse. Through my first week of illness, I had experienced no respiratory issues. Now I was coughing, and I had a dreadful taste in my mouth. I was afraid that the smoke combined with Covid might have messed up my lungs. I went to the doctor to get checked out, but the doctors told me not to worry, and sent me home.
Later on, I wondered why I had been unable to break the window with my keychain spike. Inspecting it, I discovered that the tip, originally sharp to a point, had been flattened by pounding against the glass!
Apparently, aluminum just isn’t hard enough for this purpose.
So – Don’t carry an aluminum spike if you are expecting to be able to break a window with it! It will not work!

• Dirtsmith

https://dirtsmith.com/the-seven-minutes-that-justify-my-existence