The time has come once again: The sixth New York Growers Cup Flower Pop-Up is upon us!
We're bringing together a distinguished crew of guests: Long Island's own Bluntgrown -- a wildly-talented grower who placed in a whopping four categories across two years of the Cup -- and two Cup cofounders in Sensei Cultivation and The Kolektor! The homies at Full Melt NYC will also be in the house with their latest batch of rosin flavors! That's in addition to the latest drops from Cup winners like Buds 'n' Such, ODee Trees, KGB, CandyLand Farms, and Galaxy Grown, as well as the latest drops from KF Craft Organics, and The Legacy Exclusive. And what NYGC event would be complete without the optionally-infused iced tea station care of the one and only So Lah Tea, alongside expertly served dabs. Tickets to the NYGC Flower Pop-Up always include a free plus one, so please feel free to bring a friend, roll up, and enjoy yourselves. See you on the 18th in the LES!
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Hi, everyone, new to the sub. I've done some searching for discipline-related posts, and it seems like plenty of them are of the form "my two year-old does not care even a little bit about what I tell them to do, please help?" Which I get, because I was there three years ago, and I still don't know that I have a good answer.
My kids are 8, 5, and 3, and the middle kid is autistic. He was diagnosed with medium support needs, but he blends pretty well at school, to the point that the school decided he doesn't need an IEP anymore. At home it's a bit of a different story. He doesn't seem to have an internal desire to please or to follow the rules, and this comes out most prominently in an extremely aggressive sweet tooth. Almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day, we'll find him hiding in the bathroom or closet with an entire bag/box/container of something sugary: candy, cookies, ice cream, nutella, semisweet baking chocolate, etc. He will usually also lie when we ask what he's doing.
Where my wife and I are struggling is trying to find an appropriate way to correct this behavior, and to discipline him more generally. The advice we've found on other autism parenting resources tend to fall into one of two categories:

1. Don't punish at all, try to understand the reasons he's acting this way and address the root. I. . . don't really see a way forward on this one. The root is that sugar tastes delicious and he has no impulse control. We can talk to him about food as fuel and growing big and strong and all that, but he still doesn't have impulse control. We can (and have, and continue to) try to restrict access to help manage that impulse control, but he's really good at finding things. We've put sweets behind a locked door, he's broken the lock. We've put them on top of high cabinets, he's constructed precarious towers to climb to get them. We've tried keeping all candy out of the house, but he gets into baking supplies. I have literally spent days camped out in the kitchen. But then I have to leave to change the baby's diaper, or give him a bath, or something else, and there he goes.
   
2. Just use natural consequences. I don't see much way forward here either. The obvious natural consequences are a stomachache, but he will eat himself to sickness, mope around the house for two hours, and then binge eat sugar again. The stomachache is not a motivator. The other natural consequence is "if he eats it, we just don't have it anymore." But this one runs into problems with baking/cooking supplies, and also in that he'll raid his siblings' bedrooms and steal their candy, so it becomes a punishment for them.
   

So with both the common answers feeling like dead ends, we've tried a couple other classic disciplinary techniques, and so far they've also been dead-ends:
3. Short/medium-term deprivation (aka "you're grounded"). As a consequence for sneaking candy, and/or lying about it, we've tried telling him he can't have any candy or screen time for next day. This was pretty motivating for about a week, and then he realized that he can just keep sneaking sweets or screen time while he's grounded, and all we'll do is ground him longer, and it makes no difference to him if he's grounded for a month if he can keep sneaking sweets every day anyways. We've tried adding in "we also won't take you to fun playgrounds or activities while you're grounded," but the allure of going to a special play area tomorrow just doesn't seem as strong as the allure of eating candy today (this also seems like a punishment for his siblings, who end up not getting to go fun places because their brother is grounded).
4. Short-term, parent-imposed punishment (aka "go to your room" or "write 'I will not sneak treats' five times"). These just become endless power struggles, which make life miserable for all involved. He hates them, he makes us hate them because he just fights us until we give up. I don't feel like the power struggle is helping our relationship with our kid, and I don't think it's really an effective deterrent for the bad actions anyways.
So yeah, sorry for the long post. We've tried many things! None of them work! My wife and I were both very "want to make parents happy" sort of kids, and our oldest (not autistic) also has some of that internal motivation and is also receptive to punishment. So this is all new with kid #2, and we've been fighting this battle since he was a toddler, and now that he's in kindergarten, he's beginning to understand cause and effect in such a way that I think it's appropriate to discipline in a way that's different than how you'd handle a toddler, I just. . . haven't found anything that's effective. The gentle stuff doesn't seem to make any difference, the natural consequences don't seem to make much difference, the stuff our parents did with us don't seem to make much difference, and I'm at a loss. We're still trying to more aggressively keep sweets behind locks, but it's an uphill battle, and I honestly think finding disciplinary strategies that are meaningful to our kid is something useful for general purposes, even if the sweets are the most common battleground right now. Ideas welcome.

Edit: DO NOT message me a simple hi or hello, with no information about you, Put some effort in to your message like i have, come on. Day+Attempt#187
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷‍♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)

So I 26F have always known my parents weren’t really big into sharing our accomplishments on Facebook. My mom used to anxiously ask if we knew that they were proud of us because she’d see my friends’ parents always post about their kids in high school, but my mom felt weird “bragging about us.”
Well, as I’ve become an adult, I’ve realized my dad actually posts about my brother and sister fairly often and me not at all. Both got married in the last 4 years, so I know they’ve had bigger accomplishments and big life events mean big congratulations and that’s post worthy, but it’s kind of getting painful. Im the only one that lives in the same town as my parents, and he posts pictures from traveling down to see my little brother and sister in law all the time. I actually think he’s probably spent more time with them in the last year than he’s spent with me and it’s just embarrassing. I recently got accepted into a nursing program in university. I was really excited and telling people because I was proud of myself for refocusing on my goal. When I went to visit my brother and told him about school, he started kind of grilling me on the program and what it meant, then told me five different ways that I wasn’t really in nursing school, don’t get so ahead of myself, don’t tell people that. I was baffled and didn’t understand why he was being so negative or why he cared so much. Then two days later my dad posted a celebration dinner picture with my brother with a caption about how proud he was of his son for getting accepted into nursing school…
I kind of mentally broke and went through both of my parents Facebook and realized neither of them have posted about me or mentioned me or anything I was doing in over 4 years. My dad even forgot to post for my birthday but remembered my brothers wife. He also made sure to hit her with “I’m proud to have you as my daughter in law.” And I just feel kind of choked because I don’t think I can remember the last time I heard anyone say they were proud of me. I tried to call my sister to talk to her about everything but she was busy and couldn’t talk. I just kind of went cold. Deleted my Facebook, sent my mom a happy Mother’s Day text but spent the day home alone. Before I went to work. It just occurred to me that might be a less embarrassing explanation for why. “No no, they’re super proud of me! I just don’t have a facebook, so it’s my fault you never see me on there.”
The most embarrassing thing to me that they actually won’t notice because they won’t be tagging my name in anything anyways. I feel like I can’t talk to them about it because how does that conversation even look? I remember when we were kids, my dad once gave me shit for always keeping score, and noticing when someone else got more than me. And ever since he pointed that out I never forgot it and have hated that about myself. I hate that I notice and I hate that it hurts my feelings. I’ve tried to not notice, but every time he takes my brother or sister and their spouses skiing, or out to dinner, or shopping as a special occasion because he’s in town again, I just don’t feel good. And I don’t know how to say it without him hearing me as a spoiled little baby who noticed that someone else got an extra piece of candy and had to bitch about it.
Any advice would be appreciated. Should I talk to my mom about this? It’s been hurting me and I don’t know what to do

*DISCLAIMER* I AM A NEWBIE
Imagine me as a newbie astronaut, stepping into the world of reps for the very first time. I’m untrained, like a fresh recruit, and everything is new and exciting, like exploring an alien planet. This is my first reps purchase; my maiden voyage into the galaxy of fashion. I’m over the moon with my purchase! It’s like finding a hidden treasure in the vast cosmos. But hey, I’m still learning to navigate this starry expanse, so please be gentle with me, like the soft glow of the moon in the night sky.

Disclosure - No incentives were offered, but Leo did ask if I could pen down a review if I was satisfied. And guess what? I’m super satisfied!

Seller - Leo. I discovered him after diving deep into the sea of reviews, he was also on a trusted sellers list. I contacted a bunch of sellers, comparing prices, shipping, factories, you name it. I read review after review, like a detective on a mission. But honestly, I am super happy I took the leap of faith
Contact Info - WhatsApp :+86 19120637469 and WeChat: LEO_7868

Price – 173 usd for the Mini Jodie, 154 usd for the pouch

Shipping - 50 USD (This cost covers the shipping of 2 bags without boxes, but with dustbags, all very carefully packed). The parcel arrived at my location via DHL

Timeline -
April 24th - I reached out to Leo, on Whatsapp. “Hello, do you have these two bags?” I asked. He responded with the price, and like Indiana Jones, I took the leap of faith mentioned above and sent the funds for my order through PP Friends & Family.
April 25th - PSP pictures received. I gave the GL to the Jodie, but the color of the pouch was not the right one. Fear not, Leo contacted the factory and returned on April 27th with the right pouch. I gave the GL to the pouch too.
April 27th - Leo,sends me a picture of the box.
May 7th - The tracking number arrived, like a secret code in a spy movie. Leo reassured me he would choose a safe route for my package to avoid any customs shenanigans, like a skilled navigator avoiding stormy seas. The journey of my package began, setting sail from Germany.
May 13th - The items arrived, like long-awaited gifts on Christmas morning. To be honest, I hoped that my package would arrive earlier, but we had holidays where I live due to Orthodox Easter. Everything moves at a snail’s pace during holidays over here, like a sloth on a lazy Sunday!

Pictures
· [Factory photos]: I don’t have them, I never browsed his album for these; I Was on a mission to buy these two)
· [PSPs]( https://imgur.com/a/QXt82lC )
· [Your Photos]( https://imgur.com/a/r5VFvE4 )

Quality - These bags are hitting a high note with a 9,5/10! They’re like a symphony in leather, every stitch hitting the right beat, no off-key notes here. The leather is woven to perfection, just like the intricate lattice on the top of a freshly baked apple pie. But please bear in mind; my eye is not trained, as already stated! :-D The zipper on the Jodie? It’s smoother than a jazz solo. Logos are stamped with the precision of a master craftsman, like a sculptor chiseling a masterpiece. The leather on both? It’s as soft and deep as a soulful ballad. Delicious and SOFT! There’s a tiny hint of fufu, but hey, it’s like a catchy chorus that fades out (no points deducted for this, it’s it’s like a temporary tattoo, it’ll go away).
Accuracy – Since love is the scale, I give them both a solid 5. They’re like well-trained show horses. These are bags born and bred in captivity and they’re mirror images of the authentics, measurements matching the Bottega website like a well-tailored suit.
Rep Satisfaction Rating - 10/10, I’m so smitten I’d probably get another color in both these bags, like a kid in a candy store.
Seller Satisfaction Rating - 10/10. This was my first rodeo with any seller, and all of you made it feel like a magic carpet ride. Leo was a saint, handling my questions and my customs phobia like a seasoned therapist. The service was as prompt as a waiter in a five-star restaurant, and the prices were a steal. I even got a Bottega keychain as a gift, just because, which was the cherry on top of a perfect sundae.
CPR [Cost Performance Ratio] - It’s looking like a perfect 10/10. I didn’t have to rob a bank for two bags that are going to be my go-to party pals.
The Wrap Up -
I’ll be strutting these bags around town without a second thought, like a rockstar on a world tour. 🎸

Hello everyone hope you all are doing well and pulling arcanas from the candy shop.
Few days I posted about me begein in Bane's ultimate for more than 7 years and yesterday I got calibrated in my new dota 2 account.
I think I misjudged the new ranked system, back in 2017 last time I played I was around 4850-5450 MMR even I was matched with some pros sometime because of the little amount of people in that level.
Yesterday before going to sleep I played a game with TA and got calibrated in 1700 MMR, I now I'm still adapting to all the changes that happens across this 7 years but I think I haven't changed my game anything at all, maybe it's because I played some games for fun with some friends that are around 800-1200 MMR and lost like 75% of the game I played with them?
Man I'm super sad, even one of my friends said "maybe you aren't playing like the old days" but I just have 27 years I don't feel like that's the reason.
It's the new system different or should I get better?

Yes a chocolate turd. When my brother and I were growing up, he wasn't so bad. We had at least four different families live in the house next door since it was a rental. Well the family that lived there around the time I was 12 were just awful people. And they intentionally trained their dog to poop in other people's yards. My dad hashed it out with them many times. And even threatened to call the cops.
The kids of these people were also brats. They were two boys like us, and of similar ages. They stole our bikes for a joyride since they'd broken theirs. My dad had to make the parents return our bikes. And then we got called snitches. Fortunately both of these boys were just as hated at school. So they eventually stopped talking to us.
After months living next door to these people, their dog was still pooping in our yard. They were forced to clean up the poop several times, and another neighbor did call the cops on them about their dog. One day we find out their landlord was not renewing their lease, and they were to be gone in a month.
My brother the schemer he is, took some chocolate candy bars and carefully melted and shaped them to look like turds. They were fairly convincing looking as dog poop from a distance. My brother set up the fake poo in our front yard, and then waited for the family to get home. Then yelled at them that their dog did it again. Then proceeded to eat the fake poo right in front of them. One of them threw up. And then they all threw up. And my brother milked it by talking about how tasty it was in detail. We didn't find any poop from their dog in our yard for the next couple of weeks before they moved out.

i like Warhammer 40k, but 40k doesnt afford you the abilty to let you play your own custom character or faction if it isnt up to certain specs in tournaments(lore strict rules). and running an army battle in dungeons and dragons is overly complicated unless you ignore a bunch of rolls and rules.
i propose a blend of both. who's cannon takes place in the cosmos of perspective.
(you make your own faction cannon. )
each unit type has user generated has one data sheet, each named character you have would have their own data sheet.
the models can be 3-D printed or kitbashed, but they must be at 1/36 scale. essentially one infantry= one of those cheap plastic army men standing at 5 cm tall.
from here, this was typed up before today, by a few months. there is no campaign.
but i would imagine a new fandom in table top roleplay would be born regardless
___________________________________________________________________________________________
WELCOME TO BATTLEPOSTINGS T.T.R.P.G.
A tabletop rpg for diy, model painting, kit bashing, 3-DPrinting, and plastic army battling enthusiasts.
all parts of this game are user generated, with the exception of the rules. Though u/Khorde__the__Husk sent this to a bunch of redditors for help in balancing the game and setting up basic play structure.
Things to note:
· You must have one “advisor” per two warlords in the session. Advisors, act as the game master to make sure no one is cheating. If there is confusion on what kind of weapon a unit has in their hands or equipped to their armor, the Advisor has final say. The advisor is supposed to keep the game fair.
· In theory you could have as many players as you want, but no more than four is recommended because turns consist of multiple phases that are meant to organize the battle strategy for each player.
· Players are encouraged to kit bash, 3-D print, or purchase traditional plastic army men. For the sake of scaling, follow the scaling of the image below. But you must have your own general. It is recommended that your general be unique, make it yours. Have fun.
· Players can make their own campaigns and lore. Such attempts are encouraged. For the purposes of release, you can follow the campaign I have written.
· For any session, you will need a handwritten or typed general’s reference stats Dossier, 1D20, tape measure, and an army of which you will fight with. (painted)
· When rolling on a check, higher is always better. 20 is always a success
· Your armies stats are fixed and defined in this document. Your general’s stats are dictated by the roll of a 1d20. These stats are:
o morale
o Movement speed
o Accuracy
o Health points
o Punch
· Turns are split into phases.
o bombardment
o Movement
o Attack/counter attack
· The different types of units are:
o Infantry
o Armor
o Airborne
o B.A.M.(BIG ASS MACHINES)

· We play at a 1/36 scale. All models are at that scale.

• TERRAIN AND COVER

make your own terrain and cover. kitbashing, 3-D printing encouraged. terrain is the battleground, the floor the pieces and obstacles stand on. obsticles can be anything. debris, nature, etc. obstacles are cover. if an attacking piece can see the defending piece in its entirety, the defending piece is in the open. if the defending piece is partially seen by the attacking
· Ability checks logic below:
20=crit hit/sucsess
1=jam(gun)/woopsie(melee)/crit fail
To succeed , a unit must roll their combined ability score. This is their base ability +general ability. Debuffs such as kickback only are applied to whatever you rolled when you roll for an ability check.
Regardless, the fundamental rules of this game will apply to your creations. these are an assortment of rules designed to keep the game fair and guard against unfair players(referred to as God-Emperors or God-empresses) and hopefully combat power creep.
Now lets expand upon these ideas so you can have fun kit-bashing and army smashing quicker.
GENERAL’S (named character) STAT DOSSIER
Your army’s stats are based on your general’s stat Dossier. The leader of a nation is oft a good indication of how high of a quality their army’s going to be.
The first thing you should write is your general’s name, then write their bio. Their bio includes their background, their homeland, what politics are involved (if any). It is not recommended that you write a novel, you have a game to play. What are the weapons that your general will have on their person? What are their character traits? How will those traits affect how the game is played?
The next thing to do is to make a picture of your General that resembles the piece you kit-bashed for your general to be. It can be menacing, wholesome, serious or whacky. As long as the design choices resemble what your army has for their design and your general’s character traits. It doesn’t have to be hand drawn. A photo of your piece will suffice. no general may have a skill number higher than 16.
ARMY STAT DOSSIER:
what good is a king without a kingdom?
terrible.
each type of unit gets one ARMY STAT DOSSIER. you can have as many scout infantry you want, but you need a dossier on how they are deployed, what weapons they use, and most importantly, THEIR STATS. make sure your unit type description is comprehensive including what styles of combat they are trained for. this could influence your decisions on how you play. give them lore for shits and giggles. no unit may have a skill number higher than 15.
WEAPON STAT DOSSIER
this is the list of weapon types and their ability modifiers.
when attacking bare handed, you go by your unmodified stats.
STATS EXPLAINED AND BORING SHIT
Now comes the part with the dice. You only need 1d20. This is to reduce the confusion.
· Morale
Rolled by 1d20, checked by 1d20 per unit.
Morale is basically moral law. How far will your troops go to follow your orders? If your morale over a given unit is 1, the unit in question is shell shocked for one whole turn, to be marked with a yellow slip. If your unit is shell shocked, it is traumatized to where it cant follow any orders on the next turn. If for some reason the morale hits 0, that unit defects and must be marked with a red token. Units that defect are now under control of your enemy. If defected units hit 0 authority again, it simply dies. Suicide. Cowards way out.
The Morale that your general has over friendly units is base unit morale +the general’s modifier. Your general’s base Morale is the number you rolled the 1d20 for. If for any reason your general’s morale score goes below 0, the general must rally all nearby troops (within 30cm) to protect the general for one turn on the next turn. If your general’s morale hits zero, you get shell shocked, and your general cannot take action for one turn and if your general was within line of sight of any other allied unit, the observing unit cannot take action either.
· Movement Speed
Rolled by 1d20, measured by cm on a measuring tape or meter stick because inches suck.
Movement speed is how much ground a given unit can cover. Unless your object has a punch score higher than the hp of an obstacle, or can fly, you will have to go around the obstacle. There are exceptions. If the obstacle is below the knee of an infantry unit, the infantry or whatever can climb over at the cost of the individual unit climbing modifier.
The base movement speed of your general influences the movement speed of your troops. To find a troops total movement speed:
Your unit’s base movement speed + your general’s base movement speed = total troop movement speed. See army stat dossier or named character stat dossier.

· Accuracy
Rolled by a 1d20, checked by 1d20 per unit
Accuracy must be rolled every time a unit attacks an enemy unit.
Accuracy is basically the chance of your selected troop hitting their targets. Different weapons and vehicles have different accuracy modifiers(aka kickback or x-range), and different types of troops have different base accuracies. Accuracy can affect enemy/friendly Health points or morale. If a shot hits near enough to a troop, or makes a kill close enough to another troop, the troops affected must undergo a morale check with the exception to nearby friendlies of any troop who gets an enemy kill.
Explosives and artillery have an area of effect. any troop within the inner blast radius (with the exception of troops behind sufficient cover) is dead. Any in sufficient cover, or within the outer blast radius must make a morale check. Sufficient cover is a piece of the environment which has an assigned hp that is higher than the punch of an explosion.

Small arms fire requires line of sight for targeting. The path of bullets is a straight line, keep this in mind when deciding collateral damage. Friendly fire is a thing and it is a war-crime. If you want to play nightmare mode, your general gets summoned to a military court tribunal and executed if three friendly troops or more die as a result of friendly fire that occurred by your command.

Melee combat can only be conducted during movement phases. If its melee vs gun there is the variable of line of sight. If the melee unit is within line of sight, the gun unit has advantage. If the melee unit is outside of line of sight of the gun unit, the melee unit has advantage.
To find your troop’s accuracy:
general’s base accuracy+ troop base accuracy- kickback. The higher the accuracy the better.

· Punch
Punch is how much damage a unit causes to another unit or object should they pass their accuracy check. Different weapons pack a different punch. Remember to add their bonus to the punch check roll.
When attacking an obstacle or object, units must roll against the hp of the object. If the roll lands on a number that meets or beats the hp, the object or obstacle is destroyed.(marked with red sticky note and can be traversed as if the object was destroyed. Bullets pass thru within reasonable trajectories, no ricochet)
When attacking units, whatever is rolled is subtracted from the victim’s hp. The victim can only move at half of their normal movement speed afterward.(treaded, wheeled, and airborne vehicles excluded from the debuff even if they are hit. They are treated as obstacles with the addition of the passed accuracy check requirement.)
· Health points(hp)
Health points are what determines how close your units or general is to kicking the bucket. In any game mode, If your general kicks the bucket, you lose. If you have no units other than your general, you lose and your general must go into hiding. each unit and general may have no more than 10hp. powercreep is bad
UNIT CLASSES
Unit Classes are determined by how big the individual unit is, and how it traverses the battlefield. The smallest and most common all the way to the biggest and most intimidating of units are all fit into several categories by what they look like. To solve disagreements on what class your unit is, the advisor has final say. Disagreements should be easy to avoid if you design your units properly. It would be useful to stick to a theme. Candy punk, steampunk, horror, medieval, sci-fi, and historical designs are all fine, you could even come up with your own. A theme will be better for discerning friendlies from you enemies. At the same time, make your units discernable enough that players and especially advisors can easily determine what classes your units are.
· Your general/warlord, whatchacallit
Your general is the most valuable unit because it is what you have to control your forces. Without a wise and strategic leader, your forces will fall into disarray and you will lose the war. You can only have one general, and you made it yours. Kitbashing and 3D printing would likely be your most common means of gaining a general. They must take resemblance of the general on your general stat dossier they can swim in water terrain for two turns before they drown.
· Infantry
The easiest to acquire and kit bash. This allows for vast hordes of infantry, or small fireteams, or something in between. Find your play style. Your infantry should be as tall as the plastic green army men in the image below. These men and women are the bravest of them all.
they can swim in water terrain for two turns before they drown.
· Armor
Mainly made up of vehicles and smaller mechanical suits, must be land based. Expect tanks, jeeps ,Humvees, calvary mounted animals etc. here is an image I ripped for scale as to the largest example of armor you can have. Not my drawing. Its basically the largest tank ever built replace the man in the image with one infantry and you have your scale. Or 0.283333333 m* 0.283333333 m *0.5m
these machines will break down in water terrain.
· Airborne
Airborne units can only fly. They can drop bombs, airdrop armotroops, and attack up to one target per gun that the aircraft is equipped with(within range) as they move. Their biggest weakness is anti-aircraft weaponry and enemy aircraft weapons. How big can an aircraft be?
2.44 meters. X 2.44 meters by 0.60 meters is your maximum for all airborne units.
any airborne that fly like a plane have a +4 to their movement stat but can only bomb ground units 15 cm in front and attack any unit that is in front of it
anything that flies like a helicopter does not have this buff or debuff, they can shoot at any target, but can only use missiles for up to 15 cm on ground units.
NAVAL VEHICLES
Naval vehicles can be big or small, but they can only operate in the designated water terrain area. they can carry troops, they can fire artillery, depth charges, missiles, torpedoes, and submarines can hide below water for three turns before air runs out. but they can be spotted by sonar. if a submerged vessel is within 10 cm of an enemy surface or submarine vessel, the enemy vessel can act as if they know where the submerged vessel is even if the submerged vessel is still submerged.
· B.A.M. ‘s
Big Ass Machines are basically giant robots and massive land ships. These can be Game breaking depending on how you build them and how big you build them. They can fire upon one target per weapon. how big Can these be? They cannot be more than 1.5 meters tall or take up a ground area larger than 4 meters. Players are not allowed to use functioning motor vehicles including, but not limited to cars, trucks, busses, etc. rule of thumb, if you can ride it, you can’t play it. It might as well be just fan art. The maximum distance these can move at any time is 2000cm. to move these, they must make a special movement check. War machines of that size can get stuck easily, so subtract your general’s movement speed from your final roll on each check. If they are larger than the specified limits, you’ve built a giant immobilized obstacle for one turn.
Mobile terrain essentially is a whole battlefield or obstacle of its own. The biggest difference is that anything other than B.A.M. compatible units that are attached to the B.A.M'S can’t be removed from the B.A.M.'S. Artillery such as main guns can’t move, only rotate. same with S.A.M.S. , C.R.A.M.S., and anti aircraft weaponry.

EQUIPMENT AND ARMAMENT
Guns and RE’S(ranged explosives)Require a reload period(one full turn) every so often. Dual wield is an ability that is only applicable to infantry equipment . dual wield only applies when two identical weapons are in both hands of a single unit. Range is how far a weapon can fire before a debuff is added to your accuracy roll. For every 10 cm beyond the stated range, an x-range debuff of -1 is added.
Overheat can only occur on weapons that are labeled with overheat. Every time a gun with overheat is about to fire , a coin must be tossed. If the coin lands on heads, the gun overheats. Overheating will cause the unit to explode. The explosion will deal 1d20 damage to anyone/anything within a 6 cm radius. You only need to roll once.
Cone is a special debuff. Weapons with cone Can only fire at sequential targets within 25 degrees of original target.
im having trouble with deciding the individual weapon stats. so ive decided that i am going to leave those up to you. (the moment i hear people are getting into fights IRL, i will be putting in an elaboration which will settle all disputes regarding equipment and artillery... and i wont be happy about it.)
players are encouraged to record their battles in battle reports and post it online in their relevant subreddits. if they win/lose, then the player is encouraged to come up with a lore reason for any change in tactics, named characters(generals), or stats.
an army is considered overpowered if they can take out all opponents in as little as 10 turns. they must be nerfed if this happens. dont forget to add a lore reason for this occurrence in the battle report.
unlike overpowered, underpowered armies can be taken out in 10 turns. they must be buffed if this happens. dont forget to add a lore reason for this occurrence in the battle report.
this is sci-fantasy/high fantasy, battles are supposed to be epic and economically exaggerated.
write the name of the weapon, the type of weapon.(melee or gun) and its accuracy and punch modifiers.(bare hands is melee and equal to. magic is gun)
spells must be vetted in good faith by advisors prior to the game to prevent game breakage. spells may not kill units or generals in one blow. spells effects can only last one turn unless its a healing spell. healing spells cannot heal more than 5 health points at a time per unit. write out the spells you have for your units and have them vetted by an advisor, advisor will determine gamebreakability of the spell. if spell is determined to be game breaking, mid game, the advisor will have the offending spell removed and the turn undone. at wich point the offending player effectively must alter their strategy in the spirit of good sportsmanship.) There are three approved arcane focuses, wands, staves, and hand casting, (one must not make them look like the caster is going to punch something, have them hold an orb or something.)
(the moment i hear that people get into IRL fights over spells, i will make a list of approved spells and a LONG LIST of forbidden spells. and no one will be happy. )
THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE
Dont be a dick, be a good sport, and have fun.breaking thegame intentionally is a dick move. advisors are encouraged to post their reports of game breaking spells so it may help me in the event Khorde__the__Husk has to revise the rules.

Nepal rushes headfirst into this whole democracy gig without really thinking it through. They slap together a constitution like it's some kind of last-minute homework assignment and expect everything to magically fall into place. Well, surprise, surprise, it doesn't work like that! You can't just declare yourself a democratic republic and expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows.
And then there's the whole identity crisis. Nepal can't seem to make up its mind whether it wants to be secular or Hindu. It's like watching a kid trying to choose between two flavors of ice cream and ending up with a melted mess. Make up your mind already! And don't even get me started on the monarchy nonsense. Yeah, let's bring back the kings and queens because that worked out so well in the past, right?
But wait, it gets even better. China swoops in like some smooth-talking charmer, waving around its Belt and Road Initiative like it's the answer to all of Nepal's problems. And Nepal? Well, they're eating it up like candy on Halloween. Meanwhile, India's standing on the sidelines, twiddling its thumbs and watching its neighbor slip further and further away.
And speaking of India, what's deal? We are playing it cool like we are too good to get involved in Nepal's mess. Newsflash, We can't just sit back and watch while our neighbour gets cozy with the competition.

All right. Before anything, as is looks, many confessions are not so joyfull. Mine is more funny.
You know the cranking vending machines with like instant tattoos, condoms, aspirin and whatnots...
Well in third grade, primary school, like 10 years old, there was at school one of those machines in the women bathrooms.
From outside the bathroom I could barely see the front of the thing but I could see the label "25¢" and so I tough, like other vending machines at 25¢, that it was candies... In the women bathrooms only.
I was jalous and so naive because all I thought was "why the girls have candy vending machines and not the boys".
I swear for a whole year I carried everyday with me a 25¢ in my pocket thinking "all right today is the day I sneak in the girls bathroom for 25¢ worth of candies" like it was the most important mission.
Black in time (and still today) I never have been tempted much by anything "against the rules".
That beeing said, everyday I was trying to build up the courage to go get those "candies" in the girl bathroom. Also, since it felt "illegal" it never crossed my mind to talk this through with my parents...
Well, life is made great because I never got the courage to reach the vending machine in the girls bathroom.
And today, knowing basics about women, I'm glad I never got to a point where I could have been caught by à trancher, buying a tampon for 25¢, at 10 years old, as a boy.

This is a scheduled post, I will update the end time and type schedule tomorrow if needed

This event lasts until May 20th, 20:59 JST. (countdown timer here)
In Cinderella Caravan, you are to grind any songs in hopes of getting Event Drops. In the Recollection version of this event, you will have two options: allow any event SR to drop as a live reward or select 2 past event cards as your 2 SRs that will have a chance of dropping for the event. You may change your 2 selected cards up to 3 times for the duration of the event. Event Drops consist of your two selected event idols, random R idols, and/or Medals.
There are four ways to increase your drop rate.

• Have a centre with high Star Ranks
• Play a high difficulty song
• Get a high Score Rank
• Play a certain type of songs

Subscribing to Premium Pass will yield a guaranteed Event Drop, on top of the original chances.
Going to the event page will yield a Stamina Drink 50 everyday, and it expires daily.
You can also receive Medals from playing Live Party as well as finishing event-only Business.

Type Schedule (JST):

• May 14th - Cool
• May 15th - Passion
• May 16th - Cute
• May 17th - Cool
• May 18th - Passion
• May 19th - Cute
• May 20th - Every Song

Missions:

Missions	Reward	Duration
Collect 150 Caravan Medals	25 Jewels + 1 Candy	Resets Daily

Exchange List:

Rewards	1st Time Cost	Medal Cost	Max	Premium Pass Cost	Premium Pass Max
Suisei Gacha Ticket		300	5
50 Star Jewels	100	200	20	100	8
S.T. Master Trainer		2400	1
My Card Star Trainer		1000	1
Magic Timer		1000	1
Cute Tiara	500	1000	2
Cool Tiara	500	1000	2
Passion Tiara	500	1000	2
Memory Key	100	200	5
Magic Fabric	60	120	6
Magic Dress	60	120	3
Master+ Ticket		30	20
Cute Candy		30	5
Cool Candy		30	5
Passion Candy		30	5
Stamina Drink 10	20	40	10
10 000 Money		1000	∞
1 000 Money		100	∞
100 Money		10	∞
10 Money		1	∞
Past Event Selection Ticket		1000	10	500	2

Useful Links:

• Basic Japanese Translations for Deresute by SnowGames
• Deadline Countdown
• Japanese Wiki Event Page

Credits:

• DoctorNeko for creating the initial caravan skeleton

About a month ago my husband physically assaulted me. We've been together for almost five years and just got married in February. I'm in my late twenties and he's in his early 40s. He was laid off a month prior to the assault and couldn't keep himself together, but things had been particularly rough for a few months before that as well. He has serious anger issues, is a bit (or a lot) of a narcissist, and drinks heavily most nights. I've learned how to deal with the mental abuse over the years (I've gotten pretty numb to it), but obviously it hasn't all been bad with him. On the night of the assault he provoked a fight with me and we argued (he was angry with my father over something that happened between them, I defended my father), but it escalated to him grabbing me from behind, slamming me into the ground, grinding my face into the carpet, and dumping his drink on me. He left bruises on my back and the side of my face. After I collected myself, I tried to confront him about what had happened that same night and he accused me of faking it, hitting myself to create the bruises, and he videotaped my crying while mocking me and telling me he was going to post it on the internet. He was drunk, but it was still such a surreal and ugly experience.
There have been a few occasions where he got physical during our relationship but never to this level. He's also done his fair share of punching and throwing things, but never actually directed any of that at me until a few months prior to this. He was angry and yelling and threw a roll of Haribo gummy's at my head. I dodged it and he missed, but I was stunned by the escalation. He mocked me and tried to convince me he didn't throw them at me, and said even if he did, it was just candy. It seemed like a dumb thing for me to be so freaked out by, but it stayed with me. It was something I thought about again after the assault, like I should have seen all of this coming.
I left the next morning after and have been staying with my dad. I've still spoken to my husband frequently and we did see each other once. For the first week or two he was incredibly apologetic and said all the right things to make me believe it wouldn't happen again. He almost convinced me that he was serious about change and I was starting to think that I should just go back to our apartment and move on. I've missed him a lot and I've felt completely alone without him. But then he started going back to his old ways. Shifting the blame to me, digging through the last five years of our relationship to find things to get angry at me for, and trying to draw comparisons to past (verbal) fighting with the physical assault he committed that night. He has expressed remorse and said that it won't happen again, but I don't know if he means it and I don't know if he even cares. I think he's too much of a narcissist to even try to examine how he could be at fault in this situation. It's frustrating and sad because I feel like in the back of his head he honestly believes that I'm overreacting and he's reached his "limit" on being apologetic. Anytime he's ever been wrong or has done something wrong, he lashes out to protect his own ego.
Our last few phone calls have been terrible. He even tried to say that I assaulted him and it was no different than what he did, referring to a night a couple years ago when I was trying to push his chest to get him out of my apartment during a big fight when he was refusing to leave. He has over 100lbs on me so I didn't have much of an impact. But in his mind, that's the same as what he did. Or at least that's what he told me while he was drunk and yelling at me on the phone. Lately he's gone back to insulting me, gaslighting me, and calling me crazy, and even with all of that, I'm STILL considering going back to him. I don't know if I'm just brainwashed at this point, but I keep making excuses for him and I keep doubting myself and my own accounting of things. He's always told me that I have a terrible memory and I'm "crazy" and whatever else he can say to twist the narrative in his favor, especially after he's blown up at me, and I guess it actually had an impact on me. I'm doubting all of my own feelings and all of the fear and anxiety I feel when I think about him. At times I try to blame myself for the things he's done. I feel disgusted by it.
Just for a laugh I should add that I'm a Canadian citizen and we were in the middle of filing a green card application on my behalf. I talked to my immigration lawyer and she gave me some good advice, but it's making this whole situation even more stressful and difficult. I would be lying if I said it wouldn't be easier to just go back to him instead of having to pack my whole life up and leave the country, which is really my only other option now. I honestly (and shamefully) do really miss him, but going back feels like I'm almost guaranteeing that the same abuse will start back up again. Maybe not physical abuse, but definitely all the mental abuse. It's already started and I'm not even back with him yet.
If anyone actually made it this far, thank you for reading. I really needed to vent and I've read a lot of posts on here that I can relate to.

I've been hesitant of Eiyuden as I started to trend my way through quests. Questioning it's mechanics, story, runes, and castle building among others.

• Eiyuden felt so slow, navigating larger areas with less colors such as in Eltisweiss. Getting Aire resolves this problem, and now I enjoy roaming around. Teleportation is a big plus as well.
  
• Rune system seems a costly way to do damage with additional animation, recruiting more characters opens variety of runes and leveling up enlarges the mp pool which equates to more rune usage.
  
• Castle is bland, large, and separated in inside and outside. I have my expectations tempered by the overall layout, but my lvl 3 upgrade made the inside of the castle an eye candy. There's a lot to upgrade as well, which adds a lot to look forward to.
  

For those reasons, I'm upping my rating for this game a bit!

I've been playing with my sample spreadsheet and was reminded that I literally relegated Sucreabeille to its own tab away from everyone else because I felt so negatively! They were my intro to indies, when I didn't know how to research scents or houses yet. I was hesitant to purchase because their marketing vibe didn't mesh with me, but I was convinced by the fawning reviews on almost every scent (on their website). At the time, I also didn't realize how expensive Suc is compared to many other brands!
I figured I could post these as a counterpoint to the mostly positive reviews that showed up when I searched for Suc scents. I'm sure the house works really well for some, but it REALLY didn't for me. Their pure gourmands worked better, but I haven't worn my top rated scent from this batch since I tried it out. I rested all of these for two weeks before testing, and I haven't revisited them since I got through all of them a few weeks after that.
My tastes: I really like rich resins and non-nag incense, as well as a spectrum of flormands and gourmands. I don't love fruits, green/aquatic scents or many dirt/dead leaf scents. Top houses: Olympic Orchids, Mythpunk Olfactive, Solstice Scents. Mid houses: Nui Cobalt, Cocoa Pink. Low hit rates: Suc, Alkemia, Possets, Haus of Gloi, BPAL GC
With that, I hope you enjoy my record of bewilderment.
BELSNICKEL Hot espresso with juniper berries and brown sugar.

• In the jar, tutti fruitti jelly beans, maaaybe coffee jelly bean if I smell hard enough to get a headache. On skin, very sweet, easier to see the brown sugar now and it's THICK. Syrupy. There's a little bitter note that could be juniper, sure, but it's toying with soapiness. After 15 min, already almost gone. The sweetness plus green now smells like a bathroom air freshener, plus the bathroom; not good. By an hour: gone! Weirdly getting more wafts of it around 4 hrs, and it's back to tutti fruitti? MAYBE brown sugar but god, just cloying. Erratic and synthetic, big disappointment. 1/10

CHAOS WITCH Freshly cut magnolias and moonflowers play with nutmeg cream.

• Very sweet pale floral with a cool spice, not identifiable as nutmeg. No clear magnolia. I didn't pay close enough attention to review this one well, but I was very disappointed by the complete lack of magnolia (a scent I love) and the vaguely unpleasant Suc DNA 3/10

DO NO HARM, TAKE NO SHIT Plums, nectarines, apricots, and blackberries sparkle on a bed of sage and fallen leaves deep in the autumnal forest.

• In jar: Fairly pleasant candy fruit smell (plum, berries) with a little cool herbaceous back to it. On skin: Fruits disappear to general sweetness over a damp earth and burnt rubber scent, maybe burnt leaves? Confusing. At 15 min, sort of a fruity sweetness? Over a sour off-note that could be the rotten leaves, but it comes off as sort of... poopy? I actually washed this off before leaving for work (less than an hour) bc I didn't want to smell like it - scrubbing didn't totally work, so I can say it's vaguely sweet with a dirty-herby soap base that I don't care for but isn't making me yak 1/10

AFTERGLOW Dark chocolate, amber, honey.

• Definitely get dark chocolate and honey in the jar! Not creamy but still rich and warm. On skin it loses power and sweetness very fast, it's a very faint borderline-musty borderline-burnt rubber smell with a baby powder. After a few minutes, thank god it's back to the bottle smell! Not as chocolatey which is too bad, but a pleasant sweet amber with a hint of chocolate. Something of the wet scent is still sneaking around? But then it turned into a cocoa butter lotion smell. Stays similar over the next 4 or 5 hrs, growing fainter. I think I like this? Maybe a bit synthetic though, but then again I don't always love the sharpness of honey 6/10

CREAM TEA A warm mug of creamy, frothy, caffeine-injected tea. A blend of chai tea, burnt sugar, white musk, warm milk, and hot scones slathered with raspberry jam and honey.

• More like an iced chai, not a warm scent in the jar. There's a sharp zingy berry in the background which might be what's cooling it down. On skin, the cool note is more dry loose leaf black tea, with a big sweet raspberry jam in front - not the most natural but nice. As it starts to dry, the closer I get to my skin the more it smells like a scented lotion. I don't get milk or pastry, or any of the chai spice at this point. At an hour, a sweet, creamy raspberry; still reminds me of a scented lotion, a bit bath-producty for me. At 4 hrs, a very faint sweet raspberry. Creamy in the sense that it's not sharp at all. Barely there but very pleasant. 6/10

YOUR SKELETON IS ALWAYS WET Pistachio and almond with exotic spices.

• In jar: Nutty! Close to what I hoped for, definitely pistachio/almond extract with a little hint of spice. Wet on skin, like huffing an extract bottle ach! That's a plus for me haha. Dries down to be very faint, mostly spices. This reminds me more of some chai blends I've had than Cream Tea does. At an hour, mostly dry spices, like a spice cabinet for only sweet bakes. I think the nuts are presenting as bottles of extract in that same cabinet, but definitely not the stars. 4 hrs: very faint, more of the nuts now but it's a generic non-spice sweetness, only vaguely nutty and kind of black peppery 5/10

COVEN A cauldron of herbs float in black, golden, and white ambers. Fir needles, cedarwood, and autumn leaves against a backdrop of pumpkin spice and sassafras.

• Definitely get a dark green foresty scent with a soft herbal element; a vague sweetness that is nondescript light spice, maybe the sassafras. Started promisingly dark-wet-forest but then turns into a barely-there high end/sexy soap, maybe that's ambecedar. Maybe good for soapy folk, not for me! 4/10

AMAZONIA Pear, fig, blueberry, ylang ylang.

• So so sweet, almost like one of those shark or frog gummy candies, gummy life savers, chewy gummy bears. No specific fruits identifiable. On skin, there's something musty to the fruitiness, maybe like a plasticky scent. I could almost pretend to smell pear, but it's not good 1/10

SMOKE AND DECAY Warm snickerdoodle cookies dipped in buttercream frosting, campfire wood smoke, crisp red apple, Indian sandalwood, a freshly poured oatmeal stout, orange spiced chai tea.

• Yummm sweet baking spices, definitely like a dark molasses spice cake in the jar (but the carrier smell is bleh). Wet on skin it's immediately a more realistic foody spice, but with a warm wood. After a minute the spice blooms off and there's something almost floral about it? Definitely get a bit of the orange, maybe cookie dough. 8/10

VENOM Oud wood, smoked patchouli, coal, freshly paved tar, cedarwood.

• WOW!! Smells like a sweet burning tire?? Maybe in a good way?? I want to smell it on a boy. Hmm but not good after all. Disappears almost entirely, fades to a hard to detect sun-sweet fresh asphalt. So hard to pick up though. 1/10

HOCUS POCUS Wormwood, bitter almond, figs, violets, nicotina, sparkling aldehyde.

• The wormwood is giving thin and clean-sweet like a not-quite almond extract. However, once this dries it's straight up Dove soap. It's so spot on idk what else to say! Another one for the soap lovers. 3/10

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

[I wrote this article about Macbeth for my college's newspaper, and I thought this subreddit might enjoy reading it!]
I have joked before that Shakespeare’s two favorite subjects–surpassing love, murder, madness, and crossdressing–are botany and birds. If you’ve been to New York City you might be aware of the “Shakespeare Garden” in Central Park, whose theoretical aim (though it proves nigh-impossible in practice) is to house specimens of all the plants which Shakespeare mentions in his plays. As it turns out, Bard quotes make for quite a diverse garden: there are roses which assuredly would smell as sweet by any other name; there are daffodils, that come before the swallow dares, and take the winds of March with beauty; there’s holly, heigh-ho; there’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance, there’s pansies, that’s for thoughts, there’s fennel for you, and columbines–no word on whether or not they could find any violets, though. I suppose there’s no objection to be made against those who complain that Shakespeare’s language is “flowery”; even as vicious a villain as Iago deigns to express his philosophy on life by way of botanical metaphor: “Our bodies are our gardens, to the which our wills are gardeners.” And, of course, the plot of A Midsummer Night’s Dream revolves around a magical flower which makes people fall in love.
I doubt anyone will object to my claiming of birds as Shakespeare’s other poetical fixation: I suspect that the majority of falconry knowledge which most non-falconers have today comes from reading footnotes in their copies of Shakespeare plays, explaining exactly what Richard II means by “How high a pitch his resolution soars,” or why Hamlet says “Hillo, ho, ho” to Marcellus. But while plants are so common in Shakespeare that I don’t know of one play which we might say is especially densely forested with references to them, there is one play that stands out as particularly full of birds in comparison with the rest of the Shakespearean canon. That play is Macbeth.
This is the sort of thing that one only notices after having read a play so many times that the actual events of the plot become akin to the meter of a poem–beats which must be hit, and which start to feel so natural that one hardly notices them–and one’s attention drifts away from the big, important speeches and toward the more utilitarian words and odd little moments that bridge them. I am not the first to point it out, but it is, all the same, a delightful quirk of the play, and could be a good way for Sophomores to throw their classmates for a loop in seminar [Note: Students at our college study Macbeth during their Sophomore year.]: why are there so many birds in Macbeth?
KING. Dismay’d not this/Our captains, Macbeth and Banquo? SERG. Yes,/As sparrows eagles… -Act I, Scene II
LADY. …The raven himself is hoarse/That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan… -Act I, Scene V
BAN. This guest of summer,/The temple-haunting martlet, does approve/By his loved mansionry, that the heaven’s breath/Smells wooingly here: no jutty, frieze/Buttress, nor coign of vantage, but this bird/Hath made his pendent bed and procreant cradle… -Act I, Scene VI
LADY. Hark! Peace! It was the owl that shriek’d, the fatal bellman… -Act II, Scene II
LADY. I heard the owl scream and the crickets cry. -Act II, Scene II
PORTER. …come in, tailor; here you may roast your goose… -Act II, Scene III
PORTER. ‘Faith, sir, we were carousing till the second cock… -Act II, Scene III
LENNOX. New hatch’d to the woeful time: the obscure bird/Clamour’d the livelong night… -Act II, Scene III
OLD MAN. …On Tuesday last,/A falcon, towering in her pride of place,/Was by a mousing owl hawk’d at and kill’d. -Act II, Scene IV
MACBETH. …Light thickens; and the crow/Makes wing to the rooky wood… -Act III, Scene II
MACBETH. If charnel-houses and our graves must send/Those that we bury back, our monuments/Shall be the maws of kites. -Act III, Scene IV
MACBETH. Augurs and understood relations have/By magot pies and choughs and rooks brought forth/The secret’st man of blood. -Act III, Scene IV
LADY MACDUFF. …the poor wren,/the most diminutive of birds, will fight,/Her young ones in her nest, against the owl. -Act IV, Scene II
LADY MACDUFF. How will you live? SON. As birds do, mother. LADY MACDUFF. What, with worms and flies? SON. With what I get, I mean; and so do they. LADY MACDUFF. Poor bird! Thou’ldst never fear the net nor lime,/The pitfall nor the gin? SON. Why should I, mother? Poor birds they are not set for. -Act IV, Scene II
FIRST MURDERER. What, you egg! -Act IV, Scene II
MACDUFF. …there cannot be/That vulture in you… -Act IV, Scene III
MACDUFF. …O hell-kite! All?/What, all my pretty chickens and their dam/At one fell swoop? -Act IV, Scene III
MACBETH. The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon!/Where got’st thou that goose look? SERVANT. There is ten thousand– MACBETH. Geese, villain? -Act V, Scene III
Above I have listed every ornithological reference that I’ve found in the Scottish Play; as we peruse them, we certainly cannot conclude that every individual reference is of the same kind, or carries the same import. I will not pretend, for example, that, just because geese and ravens are both birds, the Porter’s invitation for the imagined English tailor to cook his goose in Hell merits as much attention as Lady Macbeth’s ominous declaration that “the raven himself is hoarse”. Nor do I think that any individual reference particularly demands explication; by itself, any one of these bird-invocations seems perfectly natural. Shakespeare’s talent is such that he can repeat a motif in such a way that on the macro level it is obvious yet on the micro level it hardly feels present. But that macro level is what interests me here: what impression is created, on the whole, by the presence of so many birds in this play? I have a theory, which, though it may seem far-fetched, I think merits at least some consideration, and which, at the very least, I have not seen stated elsewhere, and so may make a novel contribution to the conversation.
Macbeth is both Shakespeare’s most supernatural tragedy and his most Sophoclean; these two superlatives are inextricably related. The appellative Weird given to the opening scene’s three Sisters–derived from the Old English wyrd, meaning destiny, and famously given its more familiar connotation by Shakespeare himself in this very play–is, among the Bard’s works, unique to Macbeth; and just as that word appears nowhere else in Shakespeare, so is the concept it represents absent in all tragedies but this one. Though Hamlet may cry out against outrageous fortune, and though Othello may rhetoricize about how no man can control his fate, it is only in Macbeth that we truly feel that the events we see play out before us are fated, predestined, inevitable. [See Note 1.] The ghost in Hamlet commands his son to revenge his foul and most unnatural murder, but does not tell him it is certain that he will succeed; indeed, would not the drama be sapped of its intrigue if that level of certainty were present? Meanwhile, the supernatural interlopers in Macbeth offer the Scottish thane not a mission, but a prophecy: All hail, Macbeth! that shalt be king hereafter! From its mystical opening word–When, not If–the Scottish play makes us aware of the certainty of all that is to befall our tragic antihero. Macbeth is thus a different sort of tragedy than Shakespeare’s others, and it works by an inverted mechanism. While the tragedy of, for example, Desdemona’s death is that it may have been prevented, the tragedy of Macbeth’s destruction is that it represents the fulfilment of fate; and this is the very same mechanism by which Oedipus Rex operates, complete with its own “Weird” character in the form of the seer Tiresias. Though Calvin managed to accept that some men are destined for greatness and others for ruin, this idea is, to Shakespeare and Sophocles, nothing short of agonizing–the stuff of tragedy.
Now: what does all of this have to do with birds? Consider these words from Antigone, spoken by Tiresias to Creon:
You shall learn, when you hear the indications of my art! As I took my place on my ancient seat for observing birds, where I can mark every bird of omen I heard a strange sound among them, since they were screeching with dire, incoherent frenzy and I knew that they were tearing each other with bloody claws, for there was a whirring of wings that made it clear… (Lloyd-Jones translation)
Consider next these words from Oedipus Tyrannus, spoken defensively by Oedipus to Tiresias:
Why, come, tell me, how can you be a true prophet? Why when the versifying hound was here did not you speak some word that could release the citizens? Indeed, her riddle was not one for the first comer to explain! It required prophetic skill, and you were exposed as having no knowledge from the birds or from the gods. No, it was I that came, Oedipus who knew nothing, and put a stop to her; I hit the mark by native wit, not by what I learned from birds. (Lloyd-Jones translation)
The practice of divining the future from birds–be it from their behaviors, their cries, or their innards–was, to Sophocles and his contemporaries, not superstitious hokum, but a practical science at which one could be skilled or unskilled, and it bodes ill for Oedipus that he is so quick to disregard it in favor of his own native wit. [See Note 2] By Shakespeare’s day, the practice had long been relegated to the realm of outdated hocus-pocus, but the Bard still saw some truth in it; in Macbeth, there is a recurring sense that, when the world is sick with some great wrong, its first symptoms manifest in the behavior of birds. When the “fatal bellman” the owl shrieks in the night, Lady Macbeth takes it as a sign that her husband is about his bloody business. The day after the murder of Duncan, as Ross converses with an Old Man about the strange things they’ve seen the previous night, “unnatural/Even as the deed that’s done”, the killing of a falcon by a mousing-owl–an omen straight out of Sophocles–is mentioned before the madness and cannibalism of Duncan’s horses, even though the latter would surely be more immediately noticeable and ghastly than the former.
These are the most obvious examples of birds as ill omens in Macbeth; yet even the more innocuous invocations of birds throughout the rest of the play continually turn our thoughts back to the ancient Greek understanding of fate and prophecy, and thereby remind us that, however savagely he may fight at Dunsinane, Macbeth’s fate is as fixed as that of Oedipus. The birds have already foretold all.
Note 1: The closest thing there is to this kind of fatalness in another Shakespearean tragedy is the several superstitious occurrences in Julius Caesar–both the soothsayer’s message of “Beware the ides of March” and the bestial portents such as the lack of a heart in an offering and the whelping of a lioness in the streets. Still, I will insist that these omens do not convey a sense of fatedness to the audience as strongly as the Weird Sisters in Macbeth by virtue of their being told to Caesar himself, not to Brutus, the play’s true protagonist, and by the fact that Shakespeare elsewhere uses dialogue to throw some doubt upon the idea of predestination: "Men at some times are masters of their fates:/The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,/But in ourselves, that we are underlings." -I.ii
Note 2: The Liddell-Scott Greek Lexicon identifies at least two separate verbs referring to bird-based divination, both of which are present in the quoted passages: Tiresias uses ορνϊθοσκοπέομαι, observe birds, interpret their flight and cries, while Oedipus uses οιωνίζομαι, take omens from the flight and cries of birds. The latter term comes from οιωνος, a large bird, bird of prey, such as a vulture or eagle, and so distinguished from a common bird, while the former comes from ορνις, which more generally refers to a bird, including birds of prey and domestic fowls. Birds of both kinds are present in Macbeth; there are οιωναι, such as the “falcon, towering in her pride of place”, as well as ορνες, like the Porter’s goose and cock. I therefore see little value in interrogating the kinds of birds invoked by Shakespeare, the specific cultural associations and significance of the owl, the raven, or the wren; rather, if we reduce them down to their barest existence as birds, animals of the class Aves, and consider them in an ancient Greek light, then things become a bit clearer.