So firstly I take this on faith, I know him to be the Truth for reasons that are beyond material explanation but for the doubters show me how this is not evidence. I'm just posting this on my profile due to most subs being controlled, so all you that watch my profile I invite you to give a good explanation to this.
Isaiah 53 1 Who will believe our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?
2 But he shall grow up before him as a branch, and as a root out of a dry ground; he hath neither form nor beauty: when we shall see him, there shall be no form that we should desire him.
3 He is despised and rejected of men: he is a man full of sorrows, and hath experience of infirmities: we hid as it were our faces from him: he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely, he hath born our infirmities, and carried our sorrows, yet we did judge him as plagued and smitten of God, and humbled.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions: he was broken for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes are we healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray: we have turned every one to his own way, and the Lord hath laid upon him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet did he not open his mouth: he is brought as a sheep to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearer is dumb, so he opened not his mouth.
8 He was taken out from prison, and from judgment: and who shall declare his age? for he was cut out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he plagued.
9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no wickedness, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10 Yet the Lord would break him and make him subject to infirmities: when he shall make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed and shall prolong his days, and the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied; by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many: for he shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore will I give him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong, because he hath poured out his soul unto death; and he was counted with the transgressors, and he bare the sin of many, and prayed for the trespassers.

• I assume anyone who reads this has a decent enough knowledge of the Gospels but if not then read them and you will see this is prophecy of Jesus Christ. This is estimated to be written between 740 and 700 BCE and the earliest surviving manuscript was found in the dead sea scrolls written between 140 and 100 BCE. So it is definitely over 100 years before the birth of Christ. Now look at Tacitus' account of who he referred to as Christus.

"But all human efforts, all the lavish gifts of the emperor, and the propitiations of the gods, did not banish the sinister belief that the conflagration was the result of an order. Consequently, to get rid of the report, Nero fastened the guilt and inflicted the most exquisite tortures on a class hated for their abominations, called Christians by the populace. Christus, from whom the name had its origin, suffered the extreme penalty during the reign of Tiberius at the hands of one of our procurators, Pontius Pilatus, and a most mischievous superstition, thus checked for the moment, again broke out not only in Judæa, the first source of the evil, but even in Rome, where all things hideous and shameful from every part of the world find their centre and become popular. Accordingly, an arrest was first made of all who pleaded guilty; then, upon their information, an immense multitude was convicted, not so much of the crime of firing the city, as of hatred against mankind."
"Scholars such as Bruce Chilton, Craig Evans, Paul Eddy and Gregory Boyd agree with John Meier's statement that "Despite some feeble attempts to show that this text is a Christian interpolation in Tacitus, the passage is obviously genuine"."
Show me any evidence this strong for the other 2 so called Abrahamic Religions. You can't and never will yet Christianity receives the most doubt. Why? Because it is not religion, it is the written Truth and the events described in Revelations will occur.

"What is it with bad guys and being completely full of themselves? Montague's plan might possibly screw over Helios Island if his attack on Mount Olympus was something to go off of. And it appears he's getting as much help as he can. Staging a mutiny within the pantheon, conspiring to retake control of Helios Island... What else does Montague know that Willow and I don't? Well... I guess we'll find out soon enough, and it all starts from what the Greek Mythology would call a storied hero." Within Reckless Railways, at a local restaurant, Ableton Rinzler, Willow, Splode, and Deimos are all sitting at a table with both Aphrodite and Poseidon. Splode looks at Ableton and Willow and questions them. "So... Care to explain what's going on here? I'm kinda confused about everything that's happening right now, aside from those crazy armored guys attacking our home earlier." Ableton turns to Splode and answers him. "From what I can understand, Zeus is casting unfair judgement upon the people of Helios Island. Aphrodite and Poseidon first tried to appease Zeus by restoring the constellations to the Statue of Atlas in Mount Olympus, which didn't work. Alongside that, Montague is also planning who knows what with this whole Greek ordeal. He's begun recruiting various gods to try and take the pantheon down. Whatever he's planning, it doesn't seem good." Poseidon looks at everyone and speaks. "Alright. So everything seems kinda bad now, with that mortal recruiting gods against the pantheon. But there still is one bigger mystery. That being Pandora's Box. After it opened, and the troubles and woes were cast onto Helios Island, it suddenly went dormant. If the mortal's plan to defeat Zeus fails, he could turn to Pandora's Box as a last resort. After all, he has Medusa with him, and she's very familiar with the magic behind Pandora's Box." Aphrodite looks at Poseidon with fear and responds. "Then that means that the mortal might bring something worse onto the island. Something that might challenge Zeus on a cosmic level. Something ancient... and evil..." Ableton looks at Aphrodite and responds to her. "I got someone who can help out with our little problem with Montague." The group then leaves the restaurant, as they begin venturing towards the edges of Helios Island. From the rooftops of Reckless Railways, Montague and Medusa are overseeing the group's plan. "So those two think they can stop me? They will certainly be halted in their tracks." Medusa turns to Montague and speaks to him. "I've always loathed Zeus... But his time grows short. Together, we will make it shorter. Over the years he's surrounded himself with powerful items. A gauche show of his absolute rule. Fortunately for us, they're not his items. Most of them were made by me. Stolen from me. I think it's about time we reclaim my property, don't you?" Montague chuckles, as he holds the Shadebox in his hands. "We hold the key to starting a Greek Tragedy! Once Zeus and his pantheon are dealt with, I will soon be able to rebuild The Society and rule over Helios Island once more!" As Montague and Medusa slowly advance towards Mount Olympus, Medusa speaks to Montague. "Perseus will deal with those troubling mortals you desperately despise." Over near the edge of Helios Island, past Snooty Steppes, the group arrives at an unmarked house. Willow looks at Ableton and speaks. "This is the place, right?" Rinzler faces Willow and answers her. "It should be. Silas did say he and his Rogues ransacked a house near the edge of the island. This has to be the place he was talking about." Splode looks at Ableton and responds to him. "Alright! Let's get the party started!" Splode walks up to the door and knocks hard. Katt's voice is heard, as she speaks up. "Who's there? We're currently closed at the moment." Ableton walks towards the door and responds. "It's Ableton Rinzler. We're here to see Silas Hesk, if he's around." The door opens, as Katt walks out. "Silas is a little busy, but I'll see if he's open for anything." Everyone enters the house, as it is filled with crates, all of which are filled with weapons and ammunition. Katt knocks on a door, marked with an ouroboros, as she speaks. "Silas! Your two favorite clients are here!" The door opens, as Silas speaks up. "I can tell by the look on your faces that something's up." Ableton looks at Silas and speaks. "There's currently some conflict going on among the Greek Gods that currently inhabit Helios Island. A large chunk of which was caused because of Montague. You wouldn't happen to know how to stop a god... or several of them." Silas looks at Ableton and answers him. "I have done many bounties within my criminal career, but not one against a god." Aphrodite looks at Silas and responds. "But we're not trying to kill my father, but to quell his judgement." Poseidon then backs up Aphrodite, as he walks forward. "Zeus is casting unfair judgement upon the mortals of this island, and this crazed mortal seeks to take advantage of this. He's taken steps necessary to supposedly start a tragedy among the pantheon." Silas facepalms and responds. "Of course Montague would go to such lengths. He's probably pissed about The Society losing control of Helios Island that he's resorting to such measures. I'll lend my services to your cause." Silas then turns to Lana Llane and speaks. "Lana! We got a job to do." Lana grabs her Striker AR and assists the group in their plan. Once they exit the house, Aphrodite is quick to notice the glowing blue eyes on the statue over at Mount Olympus. She turns to everyone and speaks. "Something's happening at Mount Olympus, and it doesn't look good." Deimos looks at Aphrodite and responds. "Great... Just another problem to deal with..." A faint DMR shot is heard, as Poseidon reacts. "Everyone! Watch out! Someone must've followed us!" Over near one of The Society's forecast towers, Perseus scopes in with his Huntress DMR, as he aims for Aphrodite. "Let's see Zeus mourn the death of his beloved daughter. Medusa and the mortal cannot be stopped." Perseus fires another shot, as Poseidon puts his hand in front of Aphrodite's face. The bullet gets stuck in Poseidon's hand, as he quickly pulls it out. "Distant combat... This must be the work of Perseus, the Storied Hero." Aphrodite looks at Poseidon and questions him. "Why would he ally himself with Medusa and the mortal?" Ableton faces Aphrodite and answers her question. "Because Montague and Medusa likely promised him something if they succeeded in ending Zeus' rule." Poseidon notices a structure right near Pleasant Piazza, as he yells out. "To that structure! We can try to see what the scrying pool foretells over there." Everyone begins running towards the structure, as Perseus continues firing shots at the group and missing. They eventually reach the scrying pool, as Silas and Lana begin fending off Perseus' attack. Aphrodite yells out to the scrying pool in a worried tone. "What is going on at Mount Olympus? Why is the statue brimming with Zeus' power?" The scrying pool bubbles up, as it then shows an apparition of Zeus' Stormforged Hourglass. Ableton looks at the apparition and responds. "An hourglass? What could this mean?" Poseidon responds with fear. "Zeus' Stormforged Hourglass! It brims with Zeus' energy. If Perseus is here, then the other gods working with the mortal are likely commencing an assault on Mount Olympus." Aphrodite looks at the scrying poll and yells again. "Where is Hades and Cerberus?!" The scrying pool then projects Helios Island within the water, as both Hades and Cerberus appear to be marching through Reckless Railways on their way to Mount Olympus. Aphrodite looks at Ableton and Willow and yells. "We need to get to Mount Olympus! If the mortal is over there, he will doom us all if he gets Zeus' Stormforged Hourglass." The group then makes their way to Mount Olympus, while under heavy pursuit by Perseus. Over at Mount Olympus, hell has broken loose. Several of Zeus' minions attempt to protect the main palace, but are quickly shot down by Ares. Artemis and Apollo try to hold back Medusa, while Montague opens the Shadebox and unleashes the souls within, contaminating all the water within Mount Olympus. The souls from the Shadebox begin tampering with the water, almost matching the same composition as the River Styx. Medusa knocks down both Artemis and Apollo, as both Hades and Cerberus arrive at the battle. Montague points at the main palace and yells. "Time to dethrone Zeus and claim my rightful power!" Everyone then runs towards the palace, as they collectively confront Zeus. Montague holds up the Challenger's Staff and opposes Zeus. "Your reign over Helios Island will end, blunder god!" The group then begins their attack on Zeus, as he begins holding everyone back with several bolts of lightning. Ableton and the group arrive at Mount Olympus, as Aphrodite quickly spots both Artemis and Apollo, who are wounded from Montague's attack on Mount Olympus. Aphrodite runs towards the two and speaks. "What happened to you two?" Artemis shrivels her response to Aphrodite, as she points to the main palace. "The mortal has recruited gods to threaten Zeus' rule. Your father can't hold him back for long." A stray lightning bolt flies out of the palace, as Poseidon reacts. "We gotta get to the palace!" Everyone rushes towards the palace, as they witness Montague using the Challenger's Staff to weaken Zeus. Aphrodite yells in fear, as both Silas and Lana begin firing at Montague. Medusa and Ares protect Montague, while he tries to collect the Stormforged Hourglass from Zeus. Splode tosses some Cluster Clingers at the opposing group, until Hades shoots them out of the air with his Harbinger SMG. Cerberus fires his Gatekeeper Shotgun into the group, as Montague yells out to Ableton and Willow. "You've toiled my affairs for the last time." Montague kicks the now weakened Zeus towards Aphrodite, as he pulls out the Stormforged Hourglass. "Now! Terminal power is mine to wield! Watch as I use my newfound power to take back Helios Island and rebuild my Society!" Montague's hands now brim with lightning, as he holds the Stormforged Hourglass in the air. Lightning spews from his hand, as storm clouds form above Montague. Medusa nods at Montague, as he begins manipulating the lightning to strike near Restored Reels. The storm clouds clear, as Willow looks at Montague. "What did you do?" Montague looks at Willow without answering her, as Ableton yells. "What the hell did you do?!" Montague points to the door, as both groups head outside. Over at Restored Reels, Pandora's Box has been heavily damaged by the lightning Montague charged up. Ableton looks behind him and yells. "Montague, you little..." Both Montague and Medusa get away, as Aphrodite speaks. "What did the mortal do?" Hades faces Aphrodite and responds. "He and Medusa tricked us. He wanted power, but not just to defeat Zeus. He seeks to awaken the Titan." Deimos looks at Hades and reacts. "The what?" Poseidon helps Zeus up, as he answers Deimos. "The Titan resides within Pandora's Box. A partial piece of him escaped when the mortal first opened Pandora's Box. Now that it's damaged, he and Medusa now have a chance to unleash true ancient evil. And with Zeus' Stormforged Hourglass, the mortal now has a means to an end." Cerberus faces Aphrodite, Ableton, and Willow and speaks. "If the mortal isn't stopped, he will awaken the Titan and doom the island and Zeus' pantheon. All this to establish what he would call his perfect Society." Aphrodite and Poseidon face the group with urgency and yells. "To Restored Reels! We gotta stop that mortal from awakening the Titan!" Splode faces Aphrodite and speaks. "But can we make a stop first? I kinda need Ableton and Willow to drop me off for my afternoon TV binging." Ableton facepalms and responds to Splode. "Fine, we'll take you back and grab Stratus for this. We just gotta stop Montague before he dooms us all... again." Everyone all runs out of Mount Olympus, as the skies slowly turn black. True godlike power wasn't just normally stolen, it was elaborately stolen with destructive intent. Montague, now having powers of a god, will do anything it takes for him to rebuild The Society. Even potentially putting the entirety of Helios Island at risk, again. Oh well. Just another problem for Willow and I to solve. The secrets of Pandora's Box seeks to break free. To awaken true ancient evil.

Hey there, welcome to my little post that probably won't be so little past this point, but thank you for reading as much as you do. I'm known amongst my friends as the over-explainer, so I apologize for the forthcoming novel. If you want to skip most of it, just read the first bit of each bullet point, that should do it.
Age wise, I'm looking for someone between 27 and 34, preferably. Also, I tend to be a night owl, so I sleep during a good portion of the day, and am up at night, so responses may be slow at times.
To begin, some things about myself:

• I'm here to make a friend or two, that maybe grows into something more. I don't care where you are from, though I am a sucker for an accent that isn't from the US. Realistically, at this point in my life, I'm old and tired, and know that it just doesn't magically happen for some people. I don't expect to fall in love immediately, I just want someone to enjoy my hobbies with together, and theirs in turn. It's 2024, the world is going to shit and back, and I just want to find someone I can click with.
  
• I'm friendly with pretty much anyone of any ethnicity, creed, chosen identification of gender or the inbretween and so on, unless they give me a reason not to be. That usually happens when they decide to be an ass to anyone I care about or myself, try to shove their ideals down my throat, or are clearly just not a good person (this is subjective, but sometimes you just.. you know, get the feeling someone might skin you and turn you into a lamp).
  
• I'm non-religious and pretty apolitical. I wasn't raised religious and will never be, but am perfectly fine with people believing in anything they want, as long as those ideals or beliefs aren't enforced on myself. Politics wise, I kind of agree with some things on either side, but mostly just don't care. In my experience, politics ruin relationships, friendships, and so much more, just because people as a whole are stubborn.
  
• I do NOT have my entire life together, plain and blunt. I was in a relationship for a long time that ended very dramatically and poorly, and all of the plans I had to move and so on were crushed, so I'm still getting my actual life together. I'm over the relationship and have moved on mentally and such, just haven't gotten everything else entirely in line. I can explain more if asked, I won't hide anything at all, as that isn't how things work. This doesn't mean I don't have a job and freeload, it just means I'm not a rich dude who owns his own home and will buy you everything you need. It's 2024, most people are struggling.
  
• My hobbies are varied, but mostly encompass gaming (PC, no mobile or console anymore), reading novels, listening to audiobooks at work, binging movies/shows/animes, and roleplaying, be it Discord, in a game (I'm an old WoW RP nerd), or D&D. I'm a huge sci-fi and fantasy nerd. I just love writing and telling a story with someone that can match and challenge my own ability to write. I also probably know too much backstory for the smallest of things in many fandoms and universes, and if it's something I don't know, I tend to absorb it quickly if it interests me.
  
• I'm pretty healthy for the most part. I don't smoke, cigarettes or weed, and while I don't care if people do, I'd prefer if it wasn't your entire lifestyle. Vaping also doesn't bother me as much, but I'd prefer if you just didn't really feel the need to murder your lungs, you know? You need them to keep hanging out with me! I do drink a bit here and there, but I'm far from an achoholic. I grew up with a few bartendresses in my close family, and so I just grew to enjoy a couple cold ones, or a wild and weird mixed drink.
  
• I'm not the most physically fit person right now. I'm not bound to a scooter and spend all day laboring for each breath, but the last few years have been a bit rough on me with depression and other things. That said, I am in the process of starting to work out again, because I've grown tired of not doing that sort of thing anymore.
  

That was probably more than I should have typed, and if you made it this far, thank you. I know it's a lot, but I'd rather show the kind of person I am and explain a bit (a lot) about myself, than put two sentences and pretend that's enough to satisfy me. Most people won't read this fadon't care about a wall of text, but those of you that manage to are the kind of people that would probably put up with me.
If you are interested at all, feel free to send me a chat request, or a message on here. I have Reddit on mobile, and will respond as soon as I can!

First time reader of Wolfe and I'm having an amazing time working my way through shadow and claw. I had to read this chapter a couple times to try and grasp it; it's extremely dense. I'm still finishing Claw of the Concilliator so my thoughts may change. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
The Tale of the Student and His Son Analysis
“Once, upon the margin of the unpastured sea, there stood a city of pale towers.”

• The unpastured sea evokes Hamlet “the undiscovered country” death and the unconscious. Pale refers obviously to a light color but also feebleness. However, a tower symbolizes wisdom and stability and the balance of forces (light and dark, fire and water, order and chaos). Wolfe is already painting this city in contradiction.

“In it dwelt the wise. Now that city had both law and curse.”

• Another symbol of duality: loss and gain. The wise give the law but simultaneously curse the city.

“The law was this: That for all who dwelt there, life held but two paths: they might rise among the wise and walk clad with hoods of myriad colors, or they must leave the city and go into the friendless world.”

• Here’s another contradiction: the wise wear myriad colors symbolizing their acceptance of all, but their law is built on exclusion, a brotherhood without.

“Now one there was who had studied long all the magic known in the city, which was most of the magic known in the world”

• The magicians study pan (all). They are comparative mythologists, occultists, Jungians, etc. (This, ironically, is Wolfe). Pan in Greek mythology is a cloven foot and horned god that plays the “pan flute”, and is associated with nature and sex. He is often accompanied by nymphs.

“And he grew near the time at which he must choose a path. In high summer, when flowers with yellow and careless heads thrust even from the dark walls overlooking the sea.”

• High summer is a reference to the “dog days” of summer. In ancient Greece, this was the hottest and most uncomfortable part of summer. It’s called the “dog days” because it coincides with the heliacal rising of Sirius in the constellation Canis Major. Furthermore, the Greeks believed the luminous Sirius (from seiros: scorching) caused the extra hot days. I mention this because it relates to the alzabo which in the Lexicon Urthus is from the archaic Arabic “al-dhi’b” which refers to a wolf, a jackal, or a star in Canis Major.

“How may I - even I who know nothing - have a place among the wise of the city? For I wish to study spells that are not sacred all my days, and not go into the friendless world to dig and carry for bread”

• Another paradoxical and ironic statement: he’s been studying all his life, but knows nothing. A Socratic kind of wisdom but also represents spiraling madness. Critically, he wants to study non-sacred spells; he turns away from the divine.

“ Do you recall how, when you were hardly more than a boy, I taught you the art by which we flesh sons from dream stuff? How skillful you were in these days, surpassing all the others! Go now, and flesh such a son, and I will show it to the hooded ones, and you will be as we.”

• Groomer! And if Wolfe is trying to evoke ancient Greece with this story, it’s well-founded that older Athenian men would often indulge their passion for youth. This would explain the use of the carnal word “flesh” to describe the creative process. Sex magic is a common occult practice and is certainly non-sacred. The passing of seasons represents the cyclical nature of trauma and abuse.
• Wolfe uses very unsettling language: “And the old man who had taught him thought of the beauty of the trees that had for so many years delighted his eyes like the white limbs of women.”

“Winter came stalking into the land from his frozen capital, where the sun rolls along the edge of the world like a trumpery gilded ball and the fires that flow between the stars and Urth kindle the sky. His touch turned the waves to steel, and the city of the magicians welcomed him, hanging banners of ice from its balconies and heaping its roofs with glaces of snow.”

• Perhaps a reference to Saturnalia but does not follow the ancient Greece theme. Saturnalia occurred near the winter solstice because the sun enters Capricorn, the astrological house of Saturn, at that time. Capricorn fits in with the Pan imagery as it too is a goat-like being.
• Saturn represents the cyclical course of time and season (Greek equivalent Chronos). Saturn would regularly devour his own children; this fits into the aforementioned cycle of trauma.
• Saturn is often represented with a sickle: a symbol of mankind’s partial control over the natural world.

“In spring, the most beautiful maidens of the city, the daughters of the magicians, were clothed in green; and while the soft winds of spring teased their golden hair, they walked unshod through the portal of the city, and down the narrow path that led to the quay, and boarded the black-sailed ship that waited them. And because of their golden hair, and their gowns of green faille, and because it seemed to the magicians that they were reaped like grain, they were called Corn Maidens.”

• Here the sickle imagery is introduced directly. The Corn Maidens are human sacrifices, but are compared to grain and corn; sent into the “unpastured sea.”

“Looking from his window saw the maidens filing by, he set aside all his books and began to draw such figures as no man had ever seen, and to write in many languages, as his master had taught him aforetime.”

• Is this not what Wolfe does in his writing? He constantly appropriates ancient words from forgotten languages to do his “magic.”

“ At first it seemed to him that all the skill his master had taught him of old had deserted him, for from the first light to the moonlight he was alone in his chambers save for the moth that fluttered sometimes to show the insignia of Death at his undaunted candle flame.

• More meta stuff: writer's block
• A moth showing the insignia of death is an interesting comparison. This moth could be interpreted as the final stage of metamorphosis before death. It could also refer to the Bombyx Mori, the silk moth. Mori in this sense means mulberry, but mori can also mean death (as in memento mori). The silkworm has a similar symbology to the scythe in that it represents man’s control of nature. This is the domesticated version of the silkworm that relies completely on humans for its survival and is genetically modified to promote silk production. This reflects the city’s practice of human farming and sacrifice.

“Then there crept into his dreams another; and he, knowing who that other was, welcomed him, though the dreams were fleeting and soon forgotten.”

• The Irony here is that although he works tirelessly practicing his magic, he only summons the being when he is not working, asleep and unconscious. He welcomes this being into his mind. “He heard the step, always in another room” He’s unable to pinpoint this being’s being; he can only pinpoint its secondary effects. As he continues his magic, the aftereffects become increasingly pronounced until finally the illusory becomes real. Milton describes hell as “darkness visible.” I think Wolfe is going for a similar effect here.

“Then the student dared turn himself where he sat, and he saw standing before him a youth haughty of port, wide of shoulder, and mighty of thew. Command was in his firm mouth, knowing wit in his bright eyes, and courage in all his face. Upon his brow sat that crown that is invisible to every eye, but can be seen even by the blind; the crown beyond price that draws brave men to a paladin, and makes weak men brave.

• The student’s creation terrifies him, but he doesn’t want to show his fear.
• “Haughty of port” meaning prideful with an air of superiority. Going back to Milton: “round he (Satan) throws his baleful eyes, that witnessed huge affliction and dismay, mixed with obdurate pride and steadfast hate.” Classic Luciferian pride.
• Contrary to popular depictions of Satan, he is one of God’s highest creations: “Whoever he is, the “Devil” is among the very first and best creatures of God. He is, so to speak, perfect enough, wise enough, powerful enough, one can almost say divine enough, to know God and not to surrender to him - to know him and yet opt against him, to desire freedom from him. But since this freedom is impossible in the love and light which always lead to God and to a free surrender to him, it must of necessity be fulfilled in negation, hatred, and rebellion.” (Alexander Schmemann). Satan is God’s highest creation but he is the most base, he is wise yet chooses irrationality, in Wolfe’s description he wears the invisible crown that all see. Satan is an ironic, paradoxical, and tragic figure.
• Milton also describes Satan as a commander

“Often I have seen, like a green serpent called by the notes of a pipe, a column of green slip down the cliff below our city to the quay.”

• Again Wolfe uses Miltonian imagery: “Thus they Breathing united force with fixed thought moved on in silence to soft pipes that charmed Their painful steps O’er the burnt soil.” Both descriptions suggest a snake charmer playing his pipes.
• This connects Satan and Pan: pan pipes as well as ostensible concern for his nymphs

“At this the young man’s eye flashed, and he demanded: ‘Who is this ogre, and what form has he, and where does he dwell?’”

• The ogre is the beast and the minotaur that lives in the west. The West is another symbol of death and the unconscious.

“His name no man knows, for no man can approach near enough…His harbor is an isle to the west, where a channel with many a twist and bend, dividing and redividing, reaches far inland. It is on the isle, so my lore teaches me, that the Corn Maidens are made to dwell; and there he rides at anchor in the midst of them, turning his eye ever to left and right to watch them in their despair.”

• Does no man know its name because no one has discovered it or because it doesn’t exist? Or are both the same?
• Eye of Sauron reference. Masonic all-seeing eye which masons say represents the omnipresence and omniscience of God, but, in reality, represents an all-powerful control system that constrains mankind. When Severian first goes against his guild he says of his fellow torturers: “ I saw them as powerful, the active principle of an inimical and nearly perfect machine.” Severian first realizes that Nessus is a vast control mechanism; the torturers are a gear in the infernal machine.
  
• The beast lies in the labyrinth. The twisting and bending channels describe a labyrinthine structure without directly calling it a labyrinth. When Domnina first observes Father Inire’s mirrors: “She ran to the curtains hoping to find another door behind them, but as soon as she pulled one aside, one of the eight walls painted with labyrinths opened and Father Inire stepped out. Behind him she saw what she called a bottomless hole filled with light.” Wolfe is trying to show that the beast, the control mechanism, is tied to these mirrors.
  
• The young man fleshed from dreams relates to the fish fleshed from reflected light in Father Inire’s mirrors. They are both paradoxical creations; how can one create reality from the virtual (dream stuff and mere reflections)? The fish is clearly a reference to Christ and the ichthys; Domnina even references Pascha. But this Christ is a virtual Christ, an antichrist. In Revelation, the Antichrist is depicted as the ape of Christ, but ultimately the Antichrist is a mere illusionist: “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie” (Thessalonians 2:11).
  

“For I am Noctua, the daughter of Night, and the daughter too of him whom you have come to slay…For though he did not know why, being of the stuff of dreams he was drawn to her; and she, who eyes held starlight, to him…At this the princess took pity on him, for all who have the stuff of dreams about them seem fair in some degree at least to the daughters of the night, and he fairest of all.

• Noctua means owl from Latin nox meaning night (and she is quite literally from her mother Nox). Nox is an important aspect of Thelema or the occult practices of Aleister Crowley. Nox is the formula of the night of pan, the “crossing of the abyss” and the union with “our lady of abominations” Babalon (from Revelations the whore of Babylon). In Nox, the adept experiences unification with the All through ecstatic destruction of the ego-self, dissolving duality into one or, in other words, nonsense. Ego death is a core element of mind control (MK Ultra and Project Monarch** remember the silkworm symbol).
• It’s clear from this passage and later passages that many others have been sent on this mission in the past. However, Noctua feels a particular affection for this commander.

“At length Night came, and they saw her striding from islet to islet with her bats about her shoulders and her dire wolves dogging her steps. No more than an easy carronade shot from their anchorage she seemed, yet they all observed that she passed not before Hesperus or even Sirius; but they before her. For a moment only she turned her face toward them, and none could be certain what her look conveyed. But all of them wondered if indeed the ogre had taken her without her will as her daughter had said; and if so, if she had not lost the resentment she might be imagined to have felt.”

• Hesperus represents Venus the morning star in Latin Lucifer or light bringer. As Russell puts it, the evening star is the morning star; it represents the drama of a hero striving for the highest seat of heaven but being cast out of heaven (matches the movement of Venus in the sky). Another connection to Sirius.
• Another suggestion that perhaps this quest is not as it seems.

“In ancient times, so it is said, a tattered child, the daughter of a fisherman, found on the sand a stoppered flask, and by breaking the seal and drawing forth the cork became queen from ice to ice. Just so it seemed, an elemental being, strong with the strength of the forging of creation, debouched from the tall smokestacks of their ship, tumbling over himself in dark joy and growing with a rush, as the wind comes.”

• This could be a Pandora’s box reference, critically Pandora. Another dualistic notion, that what saves the day also causes doom. Or perhaps Odysseus’ bag of winds; the aid turns into the curse. Fits into the overall narrative of the story that Severian is both a torturer and a hero. He is “severed” and “severs” into two. Dorcas: “All of you are torturers, one way or another.”

“Then he strode to the rail and looked down; but with such an expression that no one, not even the most brave, dared to look at him. When he lifted his eyes at last, his face was set and grim and with no word to any man he took himself to his cabin and barred the door.”

• Obviously despondent. Either about the evil he released into the world or that his great battle was with a phantasm or that the whole quest was a lie.

“But on the morning of the third day, the young man fleshed from dreams came out of his cabin and began to walk up and down the deck as he was wont to do”

• Allusion to the resurrection of Jesus on the third day. His cabin serves as his “tomb.”

“At this he looked up into the very vault of the firmament. And some thought he prayed, and some that he sought to restrain the anger he felt against them, and some only that he hoped to gain inspiration there. But so long did he stare that they waxed afraid, even as they had when he had peered into the water, and one or two began to creep away. Then he said to them: “Behold! Do you not see the sea birds? From every corner of the sky they stream. Follow them.”

• He’s come back from the dead but is filled with anger.

“None of them ever forgot that night”

• Nothing like an orgy after a long day of work.

“Certain of the Corn Maidens wed those princes who, having spent years so long enchanted that they are loath to leave that life (and have in that time learned much of gramary), build palaces on lily pads and are seldom seen by men.”

• They go out to become demonic forces in the world. Lily pads are a call back to Chapter 2 of shadow: “When I think of my own death, or of the death of someone who has been kind to me, or even of the death of the sun, the image that comes to my mind is that of the nenuphar, with its glossy, pale leaves and azure flower.” The nenuphar exists above and below the water; they exist in two worlds just as their journey took them from the east to the west.

“And when he beheld their dark sails, smutted by the burning tar that had blinded their enemy, he believed them blackened in mourning for the young man, and he threw himself down, and so perished. For no man lives long when his dreams are dead.”

• Absurd ending to the story. You can't help but laugh at the ending. Jonas even suggests that the end of the story has been edited.
• IMO, he kills himself because the “hero’s” journey was never meant to be a success. The hooded ones need the ogre to have the utopia.

TW: brief mentions of depression, suicidal ideation, and attempted suicide
When I (28F) was growing up, I was the golden child of the family. I didn't know it back then. Up until I was in high school I had a younger sister and an older half sister I only saw a few times a year. It wasn't like I never got in trouble or got yelled at, in fact I have a very vivid and hurtful memory where I was called a liar by my parents when I was being 100% truthful (they just didn't want to hear it and wanted someone to be mad at I guess), and then I was told to just "suck it up and get over it". But compared to my younger sister, who was compared to me in every way, I always had the perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect behavior, etc. Our parents, especially our mother, who was the main parent taking care of us during the week, pretty much pitted us against each other constantly. My little sister was being told she needed to be more like me, and I was told my sister was a bad kid. I would try to help her stay out of trouble as a kid and would get mad when she didn't listen to me because i didnt understand she was just being herself and didn't need to be exactly like me. Up until college, I didn't understand that my sister didn't need to change, she needed her parents to love her as she was and help her instead of trying to mold her into some ideal of perfection. We were picked apart constantly about every little thing we did, and I was expected to always somehow know everything even if I'd never learned it before. My house was full of constant yelling due to the extremely high expectations and my mother's terrible temper, and it became a very stressful place to be starting when i was around 10. We went through a lot of financial hardships as well since I was very young, so I dont want to dismiss how hard things were for my parents and how much they went through. But I have always been hyper aware of how much it costs for me to exist as my mom stressed so many times over the years that she couldn't afford to buy even a new shirt because she had to buy stuff for us, as if that was at all our fault.
When i was in high school, my baby brother was born. He pretty much instantly became the new golden child, not only because he was the youngest and the only boy, but because it became clear at a very young age how intelligent he is. I was a straight A honors kid and he was blowing me out of the water since he learned to read. I didn't mind at all because 1) I was going to be going to college in a couple years, and 2) with our age difference, he was as much my son as my brother, and I took on a very loving parental role with him of my own volition. I also saw the promise in him and I wanted him to live a happy life. My little sister and him are very close to this day, at least to my knowledge. During this time they were still coming down really hard on my little sister, treating her as well as they always had - meaning they still yelled at her constantly and were overly critical of her and everything she even thought about doing. They talked about sending her to military school more than once, and pretty much resigned themselves to the idea my sister would never be able to live on her own before she even got to high school, let alone graduated.
Flash forward to when I was in college, I started coming home and noticing things about how my parents treated my sister, and for the first time I saw it for how terrible it was for her. The distance and time I spent away from the house helped my little sister and I completely change our relationship by my second or third year. What really solidified it was a series of events that happened my junior and senior years of college.
My sister moved to our town with her husband with their 2 very young boys, and we soon found out she was pregnant with twins. That is kind of where it all began to fall apart. Time showed not only that her husband is a massive pos, but also potentially abusive, although we never got concrete proof. As my sister's pregnancy progressed and they struggled to get on their feet, my parents started watching my nephews for hours at a time, sometimes the whole day. And if my parents had to babysit out of nowhere and put their lives on hold, me and my younger siblings were expected to do the same. No toys, no books, no games - nothing. Essentially, the entire house was expected to babysit in a way that i have been told wasn't normal. Even my little brother was expected to take on this role in caring for kids who were only a couple years younger than him. I spent my entire childhood taking care of my little sister and then my baby brother, and I hated seeing how they were doing the same to him when me and my little sister were at the age where it shouldve been left up to us. I started really butting heads with my parents as the situation progressed because they started yelling at my baby brother when the boys would even bump their heads even though it wasnt his fault. He never mistreated them, hit them, pushed them , or anything, so my parents justified it by saying he wasn't being a "good uncle" by "letting them" bump their heads on the tv stand, for example. He was expected to let them play with all of his toys, and my mom tried letting the boys use things that were very important to my brother, which would've ended up with the boys taking those things home. Saying it that way makes it sound a lot more mild that it was, but I'm trying to save time and not give out too many personal details. I guess you could say in short, my parents began expecting my elementary school age brother to give up his time, his space, his toys, his gifts - anything that meant anything to him, to help care for children when he was still a child not much older than them. I ended up giving my baby brother my room to not only keep his stuff in, but to sleep in.
In the end, my sister had the twins and then moved back to her home state about 6 months later. We think her no good husband lied to her about us and she cut contact with all of us, and we haven't heard from her since. In our house, the damage was done. I had long conversations with my little sister when our parents weren't around about how she needed to get out because of how they were treating her, and how I would eventually graduate and move to a city where I could find a job. But neither of us wanted to leave our little brother in that house because we were worried how they would treat him when we both left. Our parents had already proven they would throw any of us to the side at any second, even their golden child baby boy, and blame even him for anything that went wrong. Our parents have a history of spilling all our business at any holiday meal and badmouthing any little mistake. They would talk shit about us in front of us and shame us in front of family our entire lives, and if my sister and i weren't there to take the brunt of it, how long until they turned on my baby brother. Would they even wait until he wasn't "perfect" anymore?
Throughout all of this, I was struggling a lot in college, and starting around junior year i became very depressed and suicidal, which resulted in a major attempt in my 5th year of college, which to this day i don't like talking about. Before that, however, I went to my mom about feeling depressed and told her i thought i needed to talk to someone. She brushed me off. I was dumb enough to think that maybe she thought i was exaggerating, so i tried a second time to ask her for help about a year later, and she brushed me off again. Part of me blames her almost entirely for my attempts, because i came to her before any of them because i knew thats where it was headed if i didnt get help. All she had to do was make a couple phone calls to find me someone to talk to and she couldn't even do that for me. I was a scared girl who needed her mom's help because i didnt know who to turn to, and she turned her back on me. After my final attempt, I pulled myself up and got help, but my financial aid ran out and I was unable to return to school and finish my degree, so I went back to my parents house and was absolutely miserable for the next 6 months. I felt like a failure, like I wasn't "perfect" like i was supposed to be. I felt suffocated every single day and like the only ones who wanted me there were my siblings. One day I tried a little experiment and sat in the living room with my mom for the entire day and she didn't say one single word to me, didnt even acknowledge my existence. Ever since the stuff with my nephews happened, I had doubled my efforts to protect my siblings and take the brunt of my mom's anger, so I pushed back a lot when they tried to get onto my siblings for ridiculous things. I ended up ghosting my friends for 3 months because I was so depressed, and it really scared them. It was then I knew i had to get out of that house or it would kill me, so I moved into my grandparents' house a town over.
Things at my grandparents' house started okay, and i was even able to confide in them what had been going on at my parents' house, which in the end turned out to be a big mistake. I got a job working overnight at a retail store and met the guy who is now my boyfriend of 3 years. Unfortunately, the longer i spent at my grandparents' house the more i saw where my mom got it from, and they ended up treating me just as bad as what was going on at my parents' house. The only difference was that my sister wasn't there so i was taking the brunt of all of it. When things started getting tough for them after my grandpa retired, instead of sitting down with me like an adult and asking if it would contribute financially, my grandpa cornered me in the car when he was driving me back from work and guilted money out of me with a sob story. And guilted me at the dinner table the second time when they needed more money. One time i walked in the house after work and before i had even taken my shoes off or put my purse down to get my wallet out, he blocked the door to my room with his hand out like a loan shark to give him the money. I payed for all my own expenses, took short showers and kept as many lights off as i could, and told them not to buy me anything, even food. And in the end, even though they guilted me for money, then more money, and promised they wouldnt kick me out, they sold the house out from under me when they knew i was still trying to save for an apartment with what little money i had left a month. I ended up having to live with my best friend and her husband or i wouldve been homeless. I still helped them move even when they f-ed me over. And even after all that, I still went to holidays and visited my parents from time to time.
The last time i saw my grandparents they ran into me and my best friend in a store. My grandpa saw me first (he and my grandma were in different parts of the store), and starting yelling at me for pretty much cutting them off since i hadn't been to see them for months, and then when he started realizing he looked like the bad guy tried to make the reason i stopped talking to them about politics (i live in a conservative area) as if that would justify it. When my friend and i were trying to grab one last thing before we left because i was humiliated and trying not to cry, my grandma cornered me at the deli counter, had me pinned between the counter and a cart so i couldn't leave, and started yelling at me too. I was so broken back then, but i tried to tell both of them i would talk to them but not in the store. They just wanted to scream so we left. I haven't spoken to them since and have no plans to.
Eventually i moved 2 hours away back to the city i had went to college in. During that time, my grandparents drove the 3 hours to try to find where i lived, and then called trying to get me to come downstairs. I was asleep for work at the time but it made me feel so uncomfortable that they would do that. And after living there a year and my bf and i commuting to visit each other every other week, it came to the point where if i wanted our relationship to continue i had to move back. This is not something he ever brought up to me, this was a decision I came to on my own. So two years ago I moved back to the area I grew up in. We live an hour away from my hometown and 30 minutes away from the town i met my boyfriend in. And although he has family in both areas that we visit, I haven't seen or really talked to my parents or siblings since i initially moved out of the area.
A year ago, after a year of silence from me and from my parents, I dropped a box off at my parents' house when they weren't home with souvenirs i got them on vacation when i first moved back, short letters to each of them about the gifts, and a long video letter on a flash drive explaining everything I felt because i knew i couldn't go on without being honest and i knew if i tried to have a conversation in person, they wouldn't listen to me. I told them i wanted to keep them in my life but i couldn't ignore everything that had happened and the ways they treated me and my younger siblings. I told them i had no interest in continuing a relationship with my grandparents and that anything they have told them probably wasnt true. I sent them scans of my diaries as "proof" that i wasn't lying because that's the kind of house i grew up in - if you couldnt prove it, it didnt happen. I laid myself completely bare so that i could heal, knowing the whole time they may never want to speak to me again. I gave them pictures of me and my boyfriend and my new phone number anyway. The only thing i didn't give them was my address because we live on his family's land and his family, knowing a bit about my family and also about my grandparents essentially stalking me, don't want anyone from my family nosing around on the property. I don't want that either so i agreed not to give it out. The people in my life who knew about the box and the letter turned video letter were supportive of the idea given all i had been through, and I thought dropping it off would be the end of things.
Since then, I have healed from everything that has happened. I'm still angry and sad and i feel like I'm grieving every day, but I'm not the spineless, scared girl i used to be. My boyfriend has helped me become a better person in so many ways. But i still miss my family, especially my dad. I feel like he didnt deserve what i've done for reasons i cant go into, because the reality is he depends a lot on what my mom tells him because he works, and he trusts her deeply. I feel like in some regards he depended too much on her word, although he isnt completely innocent. There's obviously a lot more to my story that what I have here or else I'd be writing an autobiography, but just know if this all sounds like it isn't a big deal, I have so many stories and so much more detail that isn't safe to give out here.
The reality is my parents and i pushed each other away until we all became strangers long before everything blew up. I felt like a stranger from the time i left for college. I was made to feel like if i wasn't at home, i was a second thought, and a lot of very serious issues happened while i was away that i didnt find out about until i came home. My last year of college i was physically starving and could only afford to eat one meal a day if that. When i had left for school at the beginning of that school year my mother made it clear i had to figure it all out myself because they had no money to give me, but then i came home for Christmas and everyone but me had all new electronics. I cried asking for money to buy my uniform to start my campus job but they bought all new computers and tablets. And that stung.
Last Christmas, my parents and siblings messaged me. It was the first time I had heard from them since before i dropped off the box. It was just a Merry Christmas, but it absolutely shocked me. And then they all messaged again on my birthday. Same thing, just little pleasantries, but it makes me feel like maybe that door isn't closed. However, I have absolutely no idea if we can move forward, if they want to, or even if its a good idea to try. I have struggled a lot since college about whether or not all of this and everything I wasn't able to share here is or is not a big deal. I've had people close to me listen to my whole story and call it emotional neglect and abuse, but I just don't know. I feel crazy most of the time, and I'm afraid I'm exaggerating or making it up for attention or something, which also doesn't make sense. I struggle a lot in my day to day. I am ruled by the emotions of those around me and i cower like a kicked puppy when people around me are upset, even if its not my fault. I get ashamed when i make a mistake or i'm not "perfect", and if my feelings are valid I have no idea if it would be a good idea to get back in touch. But i think about if/when my boyfriend and i get married, and how i have no family to sit on my side. It sometimes feels like it's my fault because i wasn't strong enough to just shut up and deal with it anymore. At this point I dont know what is the right answer, what's going to finally give me peace. For now, I just keep moving forward trying to build a better life with my boyfriend and hope all the pieces will fall into place later.

City center apartments are frequently considered the greatest buy-to-lets, City center apartments are frequently considered the greatest buy-to-lets, but are they still a wise investment? Here, we’ll examine the benefits and drawbacks of this specific property type.

Why City Center Apartments (Can’t) Make Great Investments

Here are the primary factors that have contributed to new city center flats making excellent buy-to-let investments over time:
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• City center apartments are frequently affordable. Apartments in metropolitan areas are frequently less expensive per square foot than comparable homes in suburban areas.
  
• Apartments in the city center frequently have high letting yields. Even though city apartments frequently have higher rentals than suburban homes, the yields can still be higher.
  
• Those that prefer to live in urban areas and have easy access to public transportation, as opposed to commuting, frequently have a high demand for city-center apartments. People frequently rent rather than buy in city centers since they may want to stay there for a while.
  
• In city centers, there are many different renting options. Apartments in the city center can be rented to professionals, roommates, and students. They can also be used as short-term rentals or serviced lodging.
  
• Renting in the city center is a simple buy-to-let venture to own and manage. These may qualify as “hands-free” investments. A managing agent is responsible for the building’s upkeep, common areas, and grounds. (There are typically service fees to pay.)
  
• Investing in a city-center apartment development offers a variety of options. Compared to houses on the resale market, new flats are much simpler to find and purchase. Another scalable investment possibility is new construction. You can purchase one, a few, or several brand-new apartments.
  
• Newly constructed flats in city centers are frequently seen in areas undergoing regeneration and renovation. These neighborhoods frequently receive investments, which can raise property values as the area develops.
  
• More space to build new structures in some city centers, such as old ones. The potential for price growth is good, and any newly available properties may be in high demand. As implied by the name, new-build apartments are brand-new. They are frequently highly well-liked by tenants because they contain the newest amenities and cutting-edge designs. Also, new homes require little to no care in the future, saving investors money on ongoing expenses.
  
• The most energy-efficient properties are typically newly constructed. They are also well-liked by renters due to their cheap operating expenses. The minimal energy efficiency standards for buy-to-let properties should be readily met by investors purchasing brand-new apartments, both now and in the future.
  

Residing Outside of Burbs and Small Towns

Many people who have always wanted to live in a big city eventually give in to its pull and discover themselves in a much more populated and concentrated location than they did in the suburbs.
Although many people prefer to relocate to a city, only some are suited to city living. It goes considerably quicker and significantly differs from life in a small town or the suburbs. Before leaving the suburbs for the big city lights, you must weigh the benefits and drawbacks of living in a major metropolis, as with any place.
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benefits of residing in a city
Although city life has drawbacks, it makes up for them with all it offers. Large cities are important cultural hubs with thriving music and art scenes, a vast range of cuisine, additional attractions like museums, sporting events like ball games and concerts, and a diverse population sharing the urban lifestyle.

The Benefits of Living in a City

1. Meeting New Faces. Everywhere you go, you will meet new people. Nevertheless, in a metropolis, where a variety of people come from all over the world, the experience is different. A city also has a larger population. Thus you will frequently run into new people. It can be energizing and enlightening to meet and converse with new people who have had very diverse life experiences from your own.
2. Activities/ Night Life. You probably know your town very well and have done about everything there is to do if you have lived there for ten or more years. Even if you live in a major city for ten years, you won’t be able to take advantage of everything it has to offer. In a big city, there is always something to do to keep individuals from growing bored with their diverse interests. Most cities provide exciting nightlife, various cuisines to sample, shows of all kinds, museums, landmarks, parks, festivals, sporting events, and more. There are many options in big cities to join the scene if you are a musician, visual artist, or performer.
3. Public Transportation. The public transportation system is a decent alternative to driving your own vehicle and navigating big cities’ traffic and parking issues. You can go where you need to go using trains, subways, buses, taxis, and ride-sharing vehicles in cities. You can avoid the hassle of driving by using one of the many relatively reasonable public transit options, such as the bus or train. In most big cities, it’s possible to live without a car.
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4. Big Events. Major cities host the largest events, including sporting competitions, concerts, festivals, and art openings. You don’t need to make the long commutes to and from the suburbs to attend a concert or a baseball game.
5. Share Experience. The fact that everyone in a large metropolis with millions of residents comes from varied backgrounds and experiences city life similarly can be incredibly reassuring. Large cities are friendlier than most people think, and if you frequent the same spots and engage in the same pursuits, you’ll rapidly meet new individuals who share your interests and likely move there for similar reasons to yours.
7. Free Activities. There are numerous free things to do when planned effectively, even if many activities are normally more expensive due to the greater overhead costs. You can spend the entire day keeping occupied for free by going to the park, window shopping, touring museums on free days, and taking in the sights downtown. Even though you won’t be spending any money, you will undoubtedly spend time at these breathtaking locations and maximize your urban experience.
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8. Higher Salary. Employers are typically prepared to pay extra despite the high cost of living in the city. This is why many suburban residents commute into the city for a better wage while still taking advantage of the low cost of living.
9. More Jobs Available. Companies dominate city towers, so going without a job is difficult. However, locating one that pays your high rent could be challenging. But a city with many businesses also has many job prospects. You’re likely to find one you adore. According to statistics, those who live in major cities have access to more job prospects than those who live in the suburbs or smaller towns.
10. Close to Restaurants. In cities, there is always a need for fine dining. Within a mile or two, you can find a cuisine you appreciate, from fast food franchises to fine dining restos.
Although the city’s dining cost is typically greater due to increased rent, many restaurants offer lunch and supper deals and have food vendors available. You’ll need to research to take advantage of the best bargains.

The Disadvantages of Living in a City

Those who frequently travel to or work in a big city are aware of how troublesome they may be. Large cities might be more challenging to navigate because of the increased population, traffic, and neighborhood density. The biggest drawbacks of living in a big metropolis are as follows:
1. High Cost of Living. When people consider moving to a city, the increased cost of living is usually the first drawback they consider. Ordinary living costs like rent and utilities tend to be higher in big cities, and you can have additional costs like parking permits and laundry that you wouldn’t have in the suburbs. Major cities also have higher prices for gasoline, alcohol, food, and tobacco items.
2. Noise. Major cities typically have higher noise levels than the suburbs. Cities produce greater noise due to increased traffic, more people, trains, and neighboring airports with noisy jets flying in and out. A neighborhood may become noisier and more crowded due to special events like concerts and sporting events.
3. Limited Space. Downsizing your living area is nearly always required when moving from the suburbs to the city. Most people reside in flats in big cities; in some places, the apartments might be smaller. Having an outdoor area like a patio or yard is also uncommon. Homes with decent-sized yards are available in big cities but are significantly more expensive than homes in the suburbs. If you want to live in a city, you must be okay with your neighbors being on the other side of your walls in an apartment complex.
4. Limited Parking Space. Parking in a big city is an enormous nuisance compared to the suburbs. In the suburbs, parking is permitted in driveways and on residential streets, and most companies offer parking lots for patrons to utilize. Parking is only sometimes guaranteed in large cities. Streets with free parking quickly fill up because certain residential streets only allow permit parking, which requires you to purchase a permit. Some apartments have a designated parking place, albeit they are uncommon. Also, it is uncommon for businesses to have parking lots, so you will probably have to pay to park somewhere on the street, possibly even a few streets from where you need to go.
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5. Higher Auto-Vehicle Insurance Premiums. Congested city life will increase your chance of accidents if you must have a car and live in a city. As a result, city residents will pay a greater insurance premium than those who live in the suburbs.
6. Increasing Crime Rates. You can bet on urban locations to be riskier than smaller communities, even if some cities have higher crime rates than others. Crime increases with population.

The Current Situation of City Center Apartments

The majority of people concur that the real estate market has altered recently. Thus, it’s crucial to take into account a few factors when determining if new city center flats are still wise investments:

1. The real estate sector, notably the market for apartments in cities, has been impacted by Covid. People’s preferences for where to live (and rent) and what kinds of properties have been impacted. Nowadays, more people are working remotely. Some workers no longer require access to an office. Hence, renting or buying a home in the city center or living there is no longer necessary.
   
2. Some business offices in the city center have scaled back on their floor space. Less demand for city center flats may result from fewer individuals working in urban areas. The practice of hybrid working, where people work partially from home and partially from the office, is becoming more widespread. The same goes for flexible working, which allows employees to choose how much time they spend in the office each week. Often, newly constructed flats in city centers are small and need more space for working from home. In the so-called “race for space,” some city dwellers emigrated to the suburbs and the countryside to find more space.
   

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1. People became aware of the value of outdoor space for health and well-being because of Covid. Outdoor space is uncommon in newly constructed residences in city centers. Many people need easy access to public parks and other outdoor areas.
   
2. Currently, some things could be improved regarding the direction of the economy. There may be less demand for housing in city centers if businesses that employ people there cut their workforces. In certain cities, proposals exist to develop thousands of additional brand-new apartments in the city center. Apartments in these places may be harder to lease due to high levels of new supply and low projected demand. It could imply that their worth has not increased as much as it would have (or they might even fall in value).
   
3. Due to economic worries, apartment developers in the city center might opt to cut back their plans. Supplies could decrease. Future shortages of this kind of real estate may occur.
   
4. Renters and builders compete. In some cities, build-to-rent, or BTR, is growing in acceptance. Large developers and financial entities fund and construct flats to be rented out rather than sold. Build-to-rent apartment buildings give private landlords in the city center additional competition in the rental market.
   
5. Co-living projects, where investors construct towers of studio apartments with shared facilities, are starting to pop up in several city centers. They may increase the level of competition for apartment rentals.
   
6. but are they still a wise investment? Here, we’ll examine the benefits and drawbacks of this specific property type.
   

Why City Center Apartments (Can’t) Make Great Investments

Here are the primary factors that have contributed to new city center flats making excellent buy-to-let investments over time:

IIRC right after rocket planes were nerfed (by being given a pre-launch delay) destroyer popularity surged massively. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say I can count the times I've been in matches with less than four destroyers per side on two hands (EU server, don't know how it is in the other regions) since that specific CV nerf.
With submarines being popular too, this has become oppressive. There can be as many as SIX (4 DD + 2 sub) small buggers with low concealment per team running around the map, and there's no middle ground here - the side with the better destroyers wins the match most of the time, simply because those destroyers can keep the enemy ships spotted and allow teammates to push them around and farm them.
Adding to the above an aircraft carrier, and life for battleships and especially cruisers becomes hell as many (especially the latter) rely a lot on concealment to find good positions from which to apply pressure to the enemy team (be it via DPM or through radar).
Personally I'd request a tweak to the matchmaker to give a maximum of four slots in each team to be shared between destroyers and submarines, even if this makes queues for those classes slightly longer (can't imagine they'd be as bad as War Thunder queues where it can take 2-3 minutes to start a match). Unnerfing rocket planes is IMHO out of the question, since those were way too good at shutting down destroyers.
Also, there's the recent planned changes to aircraft carriers which may or may not go live. While I agree plane spotting is also oppressive, I hope those changes will be scrapped because if they go live I expect destroyers to become THE most dominant class in the game, no ifs or buts about it (an unchecked DD can freely control his side of the map right now by the way, though currently one has to be a bit lucky to get such a scenario).
I touched a sensitive topic and I expect backlash, however I wish for there to be meaningful debate. Please discuss, thanks.

Hey there, welcome to my little post that probably won't be so little past this point, but thank you for reading as much as you do. I'm known amongst my friends as the over-explainer, so I apologize for the forthcoming novel. If you want to skip most of it, just read the first bit of each bullet point, that should do it.
Age wise, I'm looking for someone between 27 and 34, preferably. Also, I tend to be a night owl, so I sleep during a good portion of the day, and am up at night, so responses may be slow at times.
To begin, some things about myself:

• I'm here to make a friend or two, that maybe grows into something more. I don't care where you are from, though I am a sucker for an accent that isn't from the US. Realistically, at this point in my life, I'm old and tired, and know that it just doesn't magically happen for some people. I don't expect to fall in love immediately, I just want someone to enjoy my hobbies with together, and theirs in turn. It's 2024, the world is going to shit and back, and I just want to find someone I can click with.
• I'm friendly with pretty much anyone of any ethnicity, creed, chosen identification of gender or the inbretween and so on, unless they give me a reason not to be. That usually happens when they decide to be an ass to anyone I care about or myself, try to shove their ideals down my throat, or are clearly just not a good person (this is subjective, but sometimes you just.. you know, get the feeling someone might skin you and turn you into a lamp).
• I'm non-religious and pretty apolitical. I wasn't raised religious and will never be, but am perfectly fine with people believing in anything they want, as long as those ideals or beliefs aren't enforced on myself. Politics wise, I kind of agree with some things on either side, but mostly just don't care. In my experience, politics ruin relationships, friendships, and so much more, just because people as a whole are stubborn.
• I do NOT have my entire life together, plain and blunt. I was in a relationship for a long time that ended very dramatically and poorly, and all of the plans I had to move and so on were crushed, so I'm still getting my actual life together. I'm over the relationship and have moved on mentally and such, just haven't gotten everything else entirely in line. I can explain more if asked, I won't hide anything at all, as that isn't how things work. This doesn't mean I don't have a job and freeload, it just means I'm not a rich dude who owns his own home and will buy you everything you need. It's 2024, most people are struggling.
• My hobbies are varied, but mostly encompass gaming (PC, no mobile or console anymore), reading novels, listening to audiobooks at work, binging movies/shows/animes, and roleplaying, be it Discord, in a game (I'm an old WoW RP nerd), or D&D. I'm a huge sci-fi and fantasy nerd. I just love writing and telling a story with someone that can match and challenge my own ability to write. I also probably know too much backstory for the smallest of things in many fandoms and universes, and if it's something I don't know, I tend to absorb it quickly if it interests me.
• I'm pretty healthy for the most part. I don't smoke, cigarettes or weed, and while I don't care if people do, I'd prefer if it wasn't your entire lifestyle. Vaping also doesn't bother me as much, but I'd prefer if you just didn't really feel the need to murder your lungs, you know? You need them to keep hanging out with me! I do drink a bit here and there, but I'm far from an achoholic. I grew up with a few bartendresses in my close family, and so I just grew to enjoy a couple cold ones, or a wild and weird mixed drink.
• I'm not the most physically fit person right now. I'm not bound to a scooter and spend all day laboring for each breath, but the last few years have been a bit rough on me with depression and other things. That said, I am in the process of starting to work out again, because I've grown tired of not doing that sort of thing anymore.

That was probably more than I should have typed, and if you made it this far, thank you. I know it's a lot, but I'd rather show the kind of person I am and explain a bit (a lot) about myself, than put two sentences and pretend that's enough to satisfy me. Most people won't read this fadon't care about a wall of text, but those of you that manage to are the kind of people that would probably put up with me.
If you are interested at all, feel free to send me a chat request, or a message on here. I have Reddit on mobile, and will respond as soon as I can!

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but life kept getting in the way.
There is a bunch of new (well, new to me) stuff I've discovered over the last few weeks, and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Let's start with the "prequel" (although never canonically confirmed) to the Marathon series was a game called Pathways to Darkness. The backstory for this game is:

Sixty-four million years ago, a large extra-terrestrial object struck the Earth in what would later be called the Yucatan Peninsula, in south eastern Mexico. The dust and rock thrown up by the resulting explosion caused enormous climactic changes in the ensuing years, and many of the Earth's species became extinct during the long winter that followed.
The object itself was buried thousands of feet below ground, its nearly two kilometer length remarkably intact. It remained there, motionless, for thousands of years before it finally began to stir-- and to dream.

Hmm. Buried below ground. Finally beginning to stir and dream. Who does that sound like?
Let's keep going.

The heat of impact liquefied the rock around it, which later cooled and encased the dead god's huge body far below ground. As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment.. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality.
Like Fingerrats? Or like Spider-wolves?

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

Caverns and landscapes. I want to expand this point here for a bit because it's also mirrored across Alagaesia.
Let's start with Helgrind.
For any FV enjoyers, I've previously speculated that Helgrind is a reliquary, or a previously living being that was transformed (a la Ctein).
But the curious thing here is the timeline of Helgrind and it's tunnel system, taken with the above context.

Q: Assuming it wasn't built by the Ra'zac themselves, was the lair inside Helgrind purpose-built for the Ra'zac and Lethrblaka, or did they appropriate it some time after it was built? If it wasn't built for them, what was its original purpose?
A: Partially natural formations (linked to tunnels elsewhere in Alagaësia), partly expanded by the priests of Helgrind and Galbatorix himself.

But... The Ra'Zac didn't inhabit Helgrind until at least after the Humans came over. So these tunnels underneath Helgrind existed before the Ra'Zac, or Galbatorix ever set foot on Alagaesia. Which, I don't know about you, but a massive network of tunnels does not smell entirely natural to me.
So.. where else are there "natural" formations that link to other tunnels elsewhere in Alagaesia?
We've seen these "natural" formations in Vroengard:

Q: The deeps under Vroengard, were they created by the riders or was it a previous system of caverns that they repurposed?
A: Previous system. I mean, there's been work done on them, but... 'It looks similar, parts of it feel similar to the caverns that we encountered in this book. They both have that hole in the cave which goes deeper, with something in the hole that's not clearly defined.' Yeah.

And we've seen similar depictions in the Beors, and Nal Gorgoth. So from the Beors to Vroengard, "natural" tunnels exist underground. I don't buy that they are entirely natural.
Given the context of the Marathon game above:

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I think these tunnels came from Azlagur.
Let's switch gears here, I want to talk about another archaeological mystery in the world of Eragon - El-Harim.
I believe El-Harim was heavily influenced by the (not canon confirmed, but implied) prequel to the Marathon games, the Pathways into Darkness

Pathways casts the player as a member of a US Army Special Forces team sent on a mission to the Yucatán Peninsula. On May 5, 1994, a diplomat from the alien race known as the Jjaro appeared to the President of the United States and informed him that on May 13, an ancient godlike being sleeping beneath a pyramid would awaken and destroy the Earth. The only way to prevent this catastrophe is to prevent the god from awakening. The eight-man Special Forces team carries a nuclear weapon, with the goal of entering the ancient pyramid, descending to the bottom level where the god sleeps, and activating the bomb to stun the god and bury it under tons of rock.

Getting into a bit more of the backstory:

Only during the last few centuries has the god begun to effect changes on the surface of the Earth. Grotesque creatures have been sighted deep in the trackless forest of the Yucatan, and strange rumors of an ancient pyramid-- which is neither Aztec nor Mayan-- in the same area have been circulating in the archaeological community since the early 1930's.

Pyramid, eh? There are two different options here I can think of that equate.
The extended FWW Map
First, in the extended map from FWW, we can see a Pyramid-esque shape - Different color, different slope, etc.
Or, second (and probably more likely), it could be El-Harim:

It is a very bad place. It’s a place where some bad things happened at one point and it’s not a good place to go walking around. I don’t want to get into it too much more because again, it’s a good possibility for another story and I want to keep thinking about it a bit more. It is in Alagaesia and we’ve actually been close to the location.

Many speculate that the below vision from Eragon in Brisingr, which was never explained in the main cycle, is of El-Harim:

And he rested, and visions beset him of a circular stone city that stood in the center of an endless plain and of a small girl who wandered among the narrow, winding alleys within and who sang a haunting melody (A Feast with Friends, Brisingr).

If this vision IS El-Harim , it's super significant because of these two descriptors:

circular stone city
narrow, winding alleys

Fractals. The city itself is a fractal, like Nidus for any FV enjoyers.
The narrow winding alleys are significant because of the descriptors of the Vanished/Grey folk:

The spaces between the structures were narrower than the humans preferred; the proportions were taller, thinner, which matched the images she had seed of the Vanished...
The ancient outline of the city was - as she suspected - a fractal, and the shape of it contained meaning.... At the nexus of the apttern, where it coiled in on itslef like a nautilus shell" (Shards, TSIASOS).

Narrow. Circular (Nautilus shell). Winding. Fractal.
Whatever this city is, El-Harim or otherwise, it is/was a grey folk/vanished city.
And given the quotes from above - "Its a place where some bad things happened at one point", and "dangerous, creeping, ancient, evil thing" - My guess is that the event that caused the Grey Folk to bind the AL to magic happened here, in El-Harim.
Alright, moving along.
Let's talk about the Az and the God. There are a few parallels I've talked around, but the BIG link between the two are Dreams. This is especially important because of the release of the world map recently.

We are the devotees of Azlagur, the Devourer. Azlagur the Firstborn. Azlagur the Dreamer. He who sleeps and whose sleeping mind weaves the warp and weft of the waking world. But the sleep grows restless" (Obliteration, Murtagh).

Versus

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I could write a whole post about the parallels between the two and their linkage to dreams, but I'll cut it short here for now to save room to dig in to other areas. Specifically, the Dreams connection is especially important because of the relase of the world map recently - I have another post here that gets into more detail, but the translations from the World Map in the middle translate to:

where dreams and dragons dwell

Dreams (!) and Dragons.
Combine that with the Etymology of the words:

Alagaësia ala = land gaësia = rich/fertile
Alalëa ala = land lëa = a beautiful dream
Elëa = the dream itself

So the planet, named Elea, translates to "The Dream Itself". Very interesting.
This is even more significant when you take into account this tweet chain from Chris, a bit earlier in March

Darn it. Just invented a name in the ancient language. Googled it to make sure no one else had used it ... only to discover that I had used it in an earlier book. Lol.
Can we ask what name?
Edurna

I believe the name was a potential candidate for the name of the planet of Alagaesia, which is important because of the etymology of THAT name (All credit to Zora for digging this one up).

Edurna sounds awfully like Adurna and Edur
Adurna meaning water and Edur being a prominence

Prominence. And Water. You know what that sounds like to me? Plaintive Verge. Just food for thought.
Second-to-last Az connection I want to cover: Hunger.

Whirling darkness swallowed him, and at the center of it... lay a formless horror - ancient and evil and from which emanated a constant merciless hunger (Dreams and Portents).

Versus a quote about the cosmic entity in Marathon:

Now I fear what that weapon has unleashed will destroy us. I once boasted to be able to count the atoms in a cloud, to understand them all, predict them, and so did I predict you, but this new chaos is entirely terrible, mindless, obeying rules that I don't comprehend. And it is hungry.

Now, the last piece of Azlagur-related lore I want to cover here is the "Black Sun".
In all of the visions, a Black Sun precipitates Azlagur's rise.

"A black sun rimmed by black flame hung against a darkling sky... The beast rose rampant against the black sun - A wingless dragon, apocalyptic in size, terrifying in presence. Destroyer of hope, eater of light"

Before getting into the Black Sun a bit more, there's an additional connection here I want to touch on - usage of the word rampant in connection with Azlagur.

In Marathon, Rampancy is the enhanced self-awareness of a computer AI, causing a progression towards greater mental abilities and destructive impulses. The destructive impulses, however, are primarily caused by being threatened or harassed. There are three main stages, as well as a fourth and final stage that is rarely achieved, to rampancy, named by the primary attitude of the AI during those times: Melancholia, Anger, Jealousy, and Meta-Stability.

There are some overlaps with what we see from the Maw.
And Melancholia.. that's an interesting word. Especially when taken into context the meaning of the name:

A melancholy dream of great beauty.

Melancholy.. Dream... The pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And Rampant...
Chris also uses that exact same verbiage when discussing a deleted scene from TSIASOS:

Q: I just finished reading To Sleep in a Sea of Stars and I have to know: it sounds like the Wranaui fought the corrupted during the Sundering but if that's true and it happened almost 300 years prior.... Who created the old corrupted? I've been questioning this for days!
A: That was actually in material cut by editors (some of the dream memories). Another Seed/Idealis was damaged and, when the Old Ones tried to separate it from its host, the xeno went rampant.

The xeno went rampant. Very interesting.
Alrighty, I keep getting distracted, back to the black sun.
The reason the Black Sun is important is because it always precipitates Azlagur's rise, throughout several of Murtahgh's visions. In each of them, there is a Black sun.
So, by this, we can extrapolate that the sun needs to be Black in order for Azlagur to rise (which is hinted at at the "Day of Black Sun" celebrations near the end of the book).
But... what does it actually mean?
There is a parallel in Marathon, their weapon:

The trih xeem (also "tri xeem") is an extremely powerful weapon that can be used to force a star into early nova... it was originally conceived and built by the Jjaro [The Old Ones/Vanished equivalent]. Much of the Marathon Infinity story revolves around preventing the Pfhor from using the tri xeem and inadvertently releasing a W'rkncacnter that is supposedly trapped within the Lh'owon sun.

So, the story of the last Marathon games revolves around preventing the usage of the weapon to release the cosmic-level baddie trapped in the sun. So, effectively, the antagonist is imprisoned by the sun.
But.. how does that translate to Azlagur and Murtagh?
The Black Sun requirement for Azlagur's rise could be construed as "imprisonment" by the sun; Azlagur cannot escape until the sun is turned Black. But it only really starts to come together when you piece together these pictures.
First, early concept art for the Fractalverse
You see the black orb, heading directly for the glowing star? Sounds pretty similar.
But that's not the smoking gun; look at the depiction of the black orb in the concept art, and compare it to the trih xeem, the weapon in Marathon.
A black orb with a trail heading directly for the sun. Almost an exact match.
OK.. so I get that it has some relevence in fractalverse, but how does it translate to Eragon?
Well, because of the Beors. Specifically, a picture CHRIS HIMSELF posted about the Beors.
Here
I propose that THIS black orb, at the top of the Beors (which, suspiciously, no one has traveled to) houses the black weapon. After all, the depiction is quite similar - A large, circular, black orb. Looks pretty similar to the other pictures.
And given the above context that Azlagur can only rise with a "Black Sun", the pieces all start to fit together. It's not perfect, but there are definitely a lot of overlaps.
Alright. I've been waiting for this one. The last piece. Let's talk about Angela.
Q: Will we get Angela lore? I feel like she could have killed Galbatorix and just didn't feel like it.
A: For those who don't know Angela is based on my sister Angela, because she breaks the fourth wall to a degree she has. Not only does she have plot armor, she knows she's in a story and can break the story itself. So, yes, she could have killed Galbatorix, but that would have made for a very bad story. That said, I do have an entire book planned around Angela, and it's very high on my list of books to write because it takes place before some of these other big stories I want to write. And that's also the difficult thing. I have my big storylines, and then I have a couple of one off side books I want to write, and it's just a question of time, energy and effort.
She knows she's in a story, and she can break the story.
Based on that, and several other descriptions I will get into in a bit, I think her story is directly related to the Marathon Infinity game.

Marathon Infinity begins as the Pfhor destroy Lh'owon using a Jjaro-derived doomsday weapon known as the Trih Xeem or "early nova". Unfortunately, the weapon also releases a powerful chaotic being: The W’rkncacnter, which threatens to destroy the entire galaxy. Because of the W’rkncacnter's chaos or by means of some Jjaro tech of his own, the player is transported back and forward in time, finding himself jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides in a desperate attempt to prevent the chaotic being's release.

and

In Marathon Infinity, a W'rkncacnter is imprisoned in the sun of planet Lh'owon. It is theorized by some that the W'rkncacnter's powerfully chaotic nature may be responsible for the jumps between realities seen in the game. When the Pfhor use a trih xeem device to send the star into early nova, the creature is released, to the horror and destruction of the Pfhor.

Angela is the Eragon-equivalent of the player.
She can transport back and forward in time, jumping between timelines, and fighting to prevent the chaotic being's (Azlagur's) release. Let's dive in.
First:

Q: Is it canon that Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord and did she make a cameo in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars?
A: Is Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord? That would be copyright infringement, so I'm going to say "no comment", but she is in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars. And there is a canon reason for this. And you should have no problem spotting who she is in that book.

So there's a canon reason she's in the book. Interesting. When you take that into context with the next bit

Q: On your last AMA on reddit, someone asked if any fan had guessed the identity and history of Angela correctly. You said nobody has guessed correctly and there's not enough information in the books to do so. That puts every fan theory out there on her wrong, correct? She's not the soothsayer, a time lord, grey folk, etc, correct?
A: Angela: Some of the fan theories have gotten parts of her history and identity correct. However, there's a HUGE aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (or least, not in a non-joking way). And no, I don't mean her being a Time Lord.

So there's a huge aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (at least at the time of writing). She's self-aware, knows she's in a story, and can jump around in time. And, similar to the Marathon games, it appears like only she knows that she's in a story.
So, based on the Marathon inspiration, we can guess that she is trying to accomplish the same thing - To prevent the release of the cosmic-level villain. We know that she has some kind of relationship with the Draumar:

In Murtagh, it’s revealed that Bachel and “Uluthrek” (Mooneater, Angela’s given Urgal name) met with Bachel explicitly going out to confront her (a courtesy not even offered to a Rider like Murtagh)

So, by extension, she has some kind of connection to Azlagur. This is supported by other circumstantial evidence in FWW as well:

Since we know that the Dream Well in Mani's Caves is similar to the Well in Nal Gorgoth I can assume that Angela is revealing the existence of the Draumar to Elva there? I feel certainly feel as if you're setting up her for something in the future series.
Heh. Good Catch.

So, she is clearly working with Elva to do something related to the Dream Wells, and she also previously confronted Bachel, many years ago. So throughout multiple years across the WoE, she is connected to Azlagur and the Draumar; her story clearly revolves around them/Azlagur, somehow.
Putting the above pieces together, my guess is that she is jumping around in different timelines, trying to manipulate actions of the past to prevent the rise of Azlagur. Just like the player character in Marathon. There's another piece of circumstantial evidence to support this assertion as well.
In Marathon Infinity:

After multiple "jumps," the player (seemingly the only one who realizes he is being transported between possible realities)

Versus Angela:

As hours passed, the stars turned above, night chill drew the heat from my body, and I fell into a curious trance, not asleep but not fully awake... The world altered" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

I believe this world "Altering" was the first time she experienced an alternate timeline, without knowing what it was at the time.
We've also seen her create "Doorways" as well - Although it's not clear if this is fast traveling (a la a Torque Gate), or truly opening a path to another timeline.
In Eldest:

"As they landed, he noticed a patch of white on a small hill nearby. The patch wavered strangely in the dark, like a floating candle, then resolved into Angela, who was wearing a pale wool tunic" (A Sorceress, a Snake, and a Scroll).

and then later, more concretely:

"I traced a line on the wall, reached out, and opened a door that wasn't there. ON the other side - nighttime, a beach by a black ocean lit only by stars, so many, many stars, more than there should be. Of course, I would not take Elva to my home, not yet. But this was a waypoint, a place to build and learn and grow... She stared into the gap, the impossible portal" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

Still, as always with Angela, so many questions.
Alright, we've reached an ungodly wordcount, so I'll call it here. There are still more connections I'm uncovering between the two series (such as the potential connection between the Gedway Ignasia and the "warning" sensation from Marathon), so I might make a follow-up post in the future with everything else I uncover.
As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments, or if you've found any other connections between the two.

Kind of long, but any advice or input would be greatly appreciated :)
I (22F) have been working in fast food/ retail since I was 17 and I’m finally ready to take that leap to leave my current job and find one that will help advance my career and give me at least some financial stability. I also live in NorCal for context (not sure if I’d be willing to move quite yet.) I’ve been at my current retail job since 2021 and was honestly just going to stay there until I was completely finished with college but I just received my AA and the current management im under is so difficult to work with and extremely offensive I can barely take it not to mention I’ve been in management for about 2 years now and have gone from at least 20hr a week (part time) to less than 10hr a week, less than some associates and they’re all 3 hour shifts so I’m not even allowed to take a 10min break though im not even sure if that’s legal??
I am very fortunate to not have to pay rent as I live with my parents and I only have to worry about paying for my car, gas, phone, school, necessity’s etc. So no rent is a life saver in this economy. With that being said I don’t necessarily need the highest paying job quite yet (willing to work my way up or gain helpful experience) though that would be ideal for anyone. I just want to be able to find something that fits with my personality/ needs and also doesn’t care the way I look. I know sometimes you have to do what u gotta do but I cannot take working somewhere I’m miserable at and I understand that is a privilege within itself so I’m just trying to use the time I do have to really find what I’m passionate about and not be scared to try new things.
I still want to go back to school to get my bachelors degree since it’s always been a dream of mine, but since I pretty much pay for everything out of pocket besides some degree of financial aide, I don’t want to just aimlessly transfer somewhere with no clue on what to study which has been my issues for some time. I feel like my interest haven’t changed much and neither have my dreams to further my education so I’ve pretty much been saying the same things since probably before high school and I still have no clue what exactly the direction is I should go. I would love to gain some first hang experience to know if getting my B.A. is even worth it for the field I want to go into or what major would benefit me the best.
I have many interests and ideas as to what I could possibly do but I feel like as much as I say them out loud no one really relates so I always feel alone or like there’s no possible job for me that I’ll feel happy in. I mean I think majority of people would rather not work and focus their lives on their hobbies and passions but unfortunately that’s not in the cards for most people and though I sometimes live in that dreamland that doesn’t change the fact that I’m extremely dedicated, hard-working and really want to make a difference in whatever field I end up in. So I guess I’ll leave a list of the things I’m interested in, in case anybody has some advice or input on any occupations I’ve listed or have experience in anything I’ve listed.
I guess another thing to mention is that I was recently applying to a lot of jobs in childcare and pretty much every interview I went to turn me down on the spot because of my appearance. Of course I hear the stories of looking less professional due to your tattoos, piercings, etc., which I never understand. I don’t even have a single tattoo or piercing, not even my ears, but I have bright pink hair and that has been such a downside for the interviewing processes, even some retail jobs like Box Lunch for example doesn’t accept colored hair when they’re literally a pop culture store and share the same company as Hot Topic. I don’t want to have to change my appearance for a job. I know it’s just hair but I was never able to express myself the way I wanted to and the amount of money and maintenance that goes with having colored hair would not be worth it to me to color black just to get a job. It would feel like I’m altering myself and changing something that makes me feel good about myself is unfair and already puts a bad taste in my mouth about the company because they are willing to look over my qualifications and work ethic due to one minor detail in my appearance. One of these jobs I even had two on the phone interviews that went amazing and was going to my final in person interview and was literally meeting with a family for a behavioral technician job and the first thing they (the company) told me was I would need to change my hair to even be considered and I had to eventually politely end the interview because they still wanted to me to meet a kid despite straight up telling me they will not hire me if I didn’t immediately change my hair… and I’d be working with a family, not even in a ‘ public setting.’ I would just love to be able to work in a community that embraces people for their differences for the way they express themselves, and encourages self expression.
Anyways, here are some of my interests and I’d be eternally grateful to hear any feedback! Maybe you’ve worked in some of these environments and have advice or horror stories, if you have similar interests to me let me know what kind of job you have because I’m sure I don’t even know the formal titles to half of these jobs, or even have other ideas that match my interests. Thank you thank you thank you!

• A lost 22 year old just trying to find her way

TLDR: I have so many interests and have no idea where to go with my next steps in my career and schooling, and would love some advice based off of my interest and experience. My unnaturally colored hair gets me nowhere. My experience and interests are listed below.
My schooling/ experience so far: * 5 years of theatre under my belt (onstage/backstage/management) * Just graduated with my AA in Social & Behavioral Sciences (Random but was recommended to do so based on all of the same interest I told my counselor some odd years ago) * Most of my college classes were focused in sociology, psychology, and child development, which has been super interesting so I am willing to branch out from my interest because I did find a lot of interest in the classes I’ve taken previously. * Have worked in retail for four years; Pretty well received by people * A nanny to 4 kids (ages 4-16) for about 3.5 years as well
My personality: (not sure if this will help with knowing if I would be a good fit for any of the jobs listed )
i’m extremely bubbly and can have my extroverted moments, but I can also be introverted at times and when work needs to get done, I will figure out the best way to do it and get to work. I work pretty well with a team and always have ideas flowing and bouncing around, but I can also excel working on my own/have no issues being independent with my work. I don’t have a huge preference on a fast versus slow paced work environment. I would like something flexible, but I have no issue with getting into a routine. I feel like I am truly pretty flexible when it comes to my work environment, I just really want a place that I can express myself and be surrounded by a community of people similar to me. I love to be innovative and creative.
My interests/ ideas: (sorry kinda random and jumps around)

• always wanted to be a nanny or travel nanny; to work with one specific family and grow with them
• Pre-k - 1st grade teacher; I find teaching younger kids really fulfilling, love crafts/ activities/planning, extremely patient
• Art teacher (i love ceramics, but pretty much any type of art would be so cool to incorporate creativity with teaching)
• Child advocate (possibly on movie and tv sets)
• Teacher on movie and television sets
• Directing or any sort of behind the scenes job for movies and television (I love to write and create concepts, costuming, sets, music, casting)
• Set designer for movies, television, or theater
• Costume designer for movies, television, or theater
• Possibly work with an acting company backstage (I don’t even know if that’s a job but possibly a permanent backstage role somewhere)
• Open my own curated thrift shop or a shop in general that is really creative or theme oriented
• Have a small bakery business or just a business in general, I love the idea of being able to run a company or brand that’s inclusive and creative
• I do love to bake and Decorate desserts
• Creative Director; photographer, videographer; I just love the thought of creating things and bringing concepts together, planning, etc.
• Magazine company?
• Wedding planning/party and event planning; again, I just like bringing things together I feel like I have an eye for aesthetics
• Something with marketing or managing

As you can see, most of my interest have to do with childcare and the arts, which are some of the lowest paying jobs/difficult fields to get into, but it’s what I most passionate about and what I can actually see myself being happy doing for a long time. i’m also not opposed to working in one certain field for a while and then branching out to something different or related further down the line, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/fill, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/feeling useless.
Thank you so much to anyone who responds with advice and kind words :)

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Used-Register3714 posting in AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
Ongoing as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 2nd March 2024
Update1 - 14th April 2024
Update2 - 11th May 2024
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WIBTA if I turned down a promotion due to my original transfer being blocked?
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WIBTA? Little back story, I started working for a company in early 2022 as what they labeled as Admin, but don't let that fool you we were no admins, we worked 3 different departments that they combined into one with 3 people to cover everything, plus we were constantly fixing Customer Service mistakes.
Nov 2022 I met with the director of the Benefits Dept at work because I was interested in transferring and we went over the department, what the job entails and what I could start working on to better my chances at transferring. I checked in with the director many times as I finished different tasks such as completing the training courses, shadowing members of the team, and taking part in live trainings.
Early 2023 the director got a promotion to be the director of another department. In March a spot opened up in Benefits and it was a little outside what I knew, it was more a specialized position, but I still applied. I met with a few managers and the new director for interviews. We discussed many things and it was a positive experience, they were even happy with the steps that I had taken with the previous director. However, because it was such a specialized position they didn't want to throw me into the deep end, so they told me to apply for a different position when it opened up.
In May the other position opened up and I applied and basically skipped the interviews. The director and I meet and we discussed getting me transferred and doing it in a hybrid type manner. That worked for me and it worked for my current manager at the time too. Sadly, it feel through and I could never seem to get an answer as to why. It started out as budget reasons, totally understandable, but then it switched to not having troubleshooting knowledge that I would have if I had worked in Customer Service.
I had meeting with my (admin) manager and director, she covers both admin and customer service, I asked more clarifying questions as to why the transfer fell through but no one could give me a straight answer. We developed a plan to get me transferred to Benefits that caused me to route through Customer Service. I was transferred into Customer Service in November 2023.
Our CS team is split into basically 2 levels, 1 being online requests which is where everyone starts. You work a variety of requests and can gain a lot of knowledge. This is currently where I am. The second level is working the phones and helping the people that call in. This is more limited subject matter and can also carry a lot of "downtime" as they cannot work the online requests like the first level can because they will be on and off the phone all day.
Here is where I am wondering if I WIBTA. I have figured out, though not confirmed, that my directors boss is the one that blocked my transfer back in May and she is just a bitch/micromanager in general. Now someone from out phone team is leaving and it has been hinted that I might be the next one to move up. While it would come with a pay increase, not a lot or enough for the crap that we go through, I don't want it because I see it as more detrimental to me possibly transferring to my preferred department.
WIBTA if I said no because it would do more harm than good. Then turning around and asking how much longer I needed to be in the Customer Service department before I could apply to another position in the Benefits Dept?
Maybe helpful to also know that my customer service manager is not the best, she seems to bow down the the micromanager and she can't seem to manage a team of 10ish people, nor was she able to do half her job for moths and my admin manager was the one doing her work.
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Comments
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Magdovus
They're screwing you around. If you're good at your current role they don't want to move you. You could tell them that they transfer you or you leave, but they probably don't care about you much. Alternatively, just coast along, do what you must to keep management off your back and find a new job.

OOP: I've been thinking about coasting and just working my job description. Our phone team is technically down one person, and we have to help cover the missing persons time on phones. It's split, between most of us that work the first level. I might come out of that meeting with no phone time because it's not part of my job and you are probably right they don't want to move me because of that.

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RndmIntrntStranger
NTA you do not have to stay at a job where you feel like you’re not growing/moving up. do not let any employer trick you into thinking that you owe it to them to stay there if it no longer works out for you. time to update your resume and start job hunting to see what’s out there.

OOP: Already started. I even interviewed for the same company that my coworker is joining. It will be interesting if we end up working together again.

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Update - 6 weeks later
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So I was an idiot and decided to take the promotion. Not my finest moment.
However, things have taken a turn for the interesting.
A week after I took the promotion another team that I have been interested in but never thought I could work in tapped me to transfer to their team. I ended up reaching out to our HR team to gather some guidance and spoke with our recruiter that works internally and externally.
He gave me some good pointers and helped me navigate how to best approach the conversation. The conversation then turned to my manager and I let him know all the issues I've been having with her, including not approving PTO till timecards are being turned in amongst other issues. Turns out I am not the first person to bring these concerns forward and HR is actively looking into the situation.
I ended up having a conversation with my manager the following week and from the start of the conversation I knew it wouldn't have the outcome I was hoping for based off of her body language. And I was right, even with laying everything out I was denied my managers blessing because I just moved tiers.
But the fun part of all of this is that she tried to pull the 6-month rule as to why I couldn't apply. The 6-month rule is part of our handbook. "You have to be in your position for 6-months before you can transfer internally for non-exempt employees." I asked my manager to get us clarification since we both had different understanding of the rule.
I know position could be tier, however I asked our HR team and the said position is department based. A better wording would be in my department for 6-months.
The following week she director was out so can't do anything that week so the following week I asked for a follow up. Guess who forgot to follow up with me. Not the first time she has done this. She is now saying it is tier based and I have to be in my position for a YEAR.
I reached back out to HR and we are now looping in the head of HR to talk about this.
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Comments
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rendar1853
Why did you take the promotion when you knew this person was playing games with your career?

OOP: Believe me I am pissed at myself for taking it. I have been a people pleaser for so long and it's something I've been improving on and I was caught in a weak moment. I did have some hope that the agreement that was in place before this person became my manager would be honored but I was naive to think so.
I can always back out of the new position if need be, which I have been think about.

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Magdovus
Ask HR if you can apply for jobs in the other department as an external candidate instead of an internal one. When they ask why tell them that quitting and reapplying seems to be the only way to avoid your current department managers trying to ruin your career.

OOP: This is a thought that I have. Going to wait and see what happens with my next meeting with HR. They seem supportive of my transfer so they may be able to pull some strings to make it happen, but this is on my radar.

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Update - 1 month later
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So it has been a month of back and forth, and we still don’t technically have a resolution but I thought I might give a quick update.
After our director was back I reached out to my manager to ask if they had received clarification and they said: “if you move tiers your clock restarts and I have to be in my department for a year”. That still didn’t sit right with me, I had previously contacted HR as a minor inquiry if the clock was tier or department and they had said department.
I reached back out to the head of our HR team and set up a meeting so that we could discuss this. In that meeting, HR agreed with me and said that they would speak with the director to get clarification on what was going on and she would get back to me by the end of the week. She did and told me straight up that I met the tenure requirements to be able to apply for a transfer. Now I was supposed to get an update but it was postponed due to people being out of the office and things like that. But I finally got the update last week. They are saying no for two reasons now, I don’t meet the requirements of the job, such as a degree, and performance. But my performance has never been addressed. When I have made mistakes, I informed and the mistakes never happened again.
As for the degree thing, that can be worked around, and that is something that the manager or that team is working on for me.
But now they are saying that it is a big concern of theirs. My question at this point is if it was such a big concern why was that not brought up from the beginning? Why were we only discussing my tenure as the reason that I couldn’t apply?
Honestly, I almost quit in that meeting right there. The only reason that I am even thinking of staying is that the team that I would be transferring to is amazing and I already know how they operate and I already work closely with them.
I should be having another meeting next week with the manager and director and I am going to likely loop in HR as well.
I have decided that if I am blocked from applying I will be leaving and I will be citing that as well as many other reasons as to why I am leaving. The least of which is the fact that I now know that the director has gone and bad-mouthed an employee to another manager that someone was hoping to transfer over to.
Edit to add: I just spoke with a coworker who left a few weeks ago. They pulled the same things with him. He wanted to go to another department but they had a meeting with him saying that they saw him on a different path, one that kept him in the department. He said they did that to our other coworker who left just before him too.
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Comments
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No-Dig7828
Update resume and GTFO now.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Kind of long, but any advice or input would be greatly appreciated :)
I (22F) have been working in fast food/ retail since I was 17 and I’m finally ready to take that leap to leave my current job and find one that will help advance my career and give me at least some financial stability. I also live in NorCal for context (not sure if I’d be willing to move quite yet.) I’ve been at my current retail job since 2021 and was honestly just going to stay there until I was completely finished with college but I just received my AA and the current management im under is so difficult to work with and extremely offensive I can barely take it not to mention I’ve been in management for about 2 years now and have gone from at least 20hr a week (part time) to less than 10hr a week, less than some associates and they’re all 3 hour shifts so I’m not even allowed to take a 10min break though im not even sure if that’s legal??
I am very fortunate to not have to pay rent as I live with my parents and I only have to worry about paying for my car, gas, phone, school, necessity’s etc. So no rent is a life saver in this economy. With that being said I don’t necessarily need the highest paying job quite yet (willing to work my way up or gain helpful experience) though that would be ideal for anyone. I just want to be able to find something that fits with my personality/ needs and also doesn’t care the way I look. I know sometimes you have to do what u gotta do but I cannot take working somewhere I’m miserable at and I understand that is a privilege within itself so I’m just trying to use the time I do have to really find what I’m passionate about and not be scared to try new things.
I still want to go back to school to get my bachelors degree since it’s always been a dream of mine, but since I pretty much pay for everything out of pocket besides some degree of financial aide, I don’t want to just aimlessly transfer somewhere with no clue on what to study which has been my issues for some time. I feel like my interest haven’t changed much and neither have my dreams to further my education so I’ve pretty much been saying the same things since probably before high school and I still have no clue what exactly the direction is I should go. I would love to gain some first hang experience to know if getting my B.A. is even worth it for the field I want to go into or what major would benefit me the best.
I have many interests and ideas as to what I could possibly do but I feel like as much as I say them out loud no one really relates so I always feel alone or like there’s no possible job for me that I’ll feel happy in. I mean I think majority of people would rather not work and focus their lives on their hobbies and passions but unfortunately that’s not in the cards for most people and though I sometimes live in that dreamland that doesn’t change the fact that I’m extremely dedicated, hard-working and really want to make a difference in whatever field I end up in. So I guess I’ll leave a list of the things I’m interested in, in case anybody has some advice or input on any occupations I’ve listed or have experience in anything I’ve listed.
I guess another thing to mention is that I was recently applying to a lot of jobs in childcare and pretty much every interview I went to turn me down on the spot because of my appearance. Of course I hear the stories of looking less professional due to your tattoos, piercings, etc., which I never understand. I don’t even have a single tattoo or piercing, not even my ears, but I have bright pink hair and that has been such a downside for the interviewing processes, even some retail jobs like Box Lunch for example doesn’t accept colored hair when they’re literally a pop culture store and share the same company as Hot Topic. I don’t want to have to change my appearance for a job. I know it’s just hair but I was never able to express myself the way I wanted to and the amount of money and maintenance that goes with having colored hair would not be worth it to me to color black just to get a job. It would feel like I’m altering myself and changing something that makes me feel good about myself is unfair and already puts a bad taste in my mouth about the company because they are willing to look over my qualifications and work ethic due to one minor detail in my appearance. One of these jobs I even had two on the phone interviews that went amazing and was going to my final in person interview and was literally meeting with a family for a behavioral technician job and the first thing they (the company) told me was I would need to change my hair to even be considered and I had to eventually politely end the interview because they still wanted to me to meet a kid despite straight up telling me they will not hire me if I didn’t immediately change my hair… and I’d be working with a family, not even in a ‘ public setting.’ I would just love to be able to work in a community that embraces people for their differences for the way they express themselves, and encourages self expression.
Anyways, here are some of my interests and I’d be eternally grateful to hear any feedback! Maybe you’ve worked in some of these environments and have advice or horror stories, if you have similar interests to me let me know what kind of job you have because I’m sure I don’t even know the formal titles to half of these jobs, or even have other ideas that match my interests. Thank you thank you thank you!

• A lost 22 year old just trying to find her way

TLDR: I have so many interests and have no idea where to go with my next steps in my career and schooling, and would love some advice based off of my interest and experience. My unnaturally colored hair gets me nowhere. My experience and interests are listed below.
My schooling/ experience so far: * 5 years of theatre under my belt (onstage/backstage/management) * Just graduated with my AA in Social & Behavioral Sciences (Random but was recommended to do so based on all of the same interest I told my counselor some odd years ago) * Most of my college classes were focused in sociology, psychology, and child development, which has been super interesting so I am willing to branch out from my interest because I did find a lot of interest in the classes I’ve taken previously. * Have worked in retail for four years; Pretty well received by people * A nanny to 4 kids (ages 4-16) for about 3.5 years as well
My personality: (not sure if this will help with knowing if I would be a good fit for any of the jobs listed )
i’m extremely bubbly and can have my extroverted moments, but I can also be introverted at times and when work needs to get done, I will figure out the best way to do it and get to work. I work pretty well with a team and always have ideas flowing and bouncing around, but I can also excel working on my own/have no issues being independent with my work. I don’t have a huge preference on a fast versus slow paced work environment. I would like something flexible, but I have no issue with getting into a routine. I feel like I am truly pretty flexible when it comes to my work environment, I just really want a place that I can express myself and be surrounded by a community of people similar to me. I love to be innovative and creative.
My interests/ ideas: (sorry kinda random and jumps around)

• always wanted to be a nanny or travel nanny; to work with one specific family and grow with them
• Pre-k - 1st grade teacher; I find teaching younger kids really fulfilling, love crafts/ activities/planning, extremely patient
• Art teacher (i love ceramics, but pretty much any type of art would be so cool to incorporate creativity with teaching)
• Child advocate (possibly on movie and tv sets)
• Teacher on movie and television sets
• Directing or any sort of behind the scenes job for movies and television (I love to write and create concepts, costuming, sets, music, casting)
• Set designer for movies, television, or theater
• Costume designer for movies, television, or theater
• Possibly work with an acting company backstage (I don’t even know if that’s a job but possibly a permanent backstage role somewhere)
• Open my own curated thrift shop or a shop in general that is really creative or theme oriented
• Have a small bakery business or just a business in general, I love the idea of being able to run a company or brand that’s inclusive and creative
• I do love to bake and Decorate desserts
• Creative Director; photographer, videographer; I just love the thought of creating things and bringing concepts together, planning, etc.
• Magazine company?
• Wedding planning/party and event planning; again, I just like bringing things together I feel like I have an eye for aesthetics
• Something with marketing or managing

As you can see, most of my interest have to do with childcare and the arts, which are some of the lowest paying jobs/difficult fields to get into, but it’s what I most passionate about and what I can actually see myself being happy doing for a long time. i’m also not opposed to working in one certain field for a while and then branching out to something different or related further down the line, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/fill, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/feeling useless.
Thank you so much to anyone who responds with advice and kind words :)

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

So my father used to own a cabin. In fact he used to own a lot of different properties. Which I suppose is just a roundabout way of saying that we grew up with money. Where things get a bit complicated is how he actually made that money.
The line that he constantly fed us was that he was an accountant running his own firm in an office in the city. Long hours, lots of business trips. We never saw him much. And whenever we did, he always seemed tired, his eyes perpetually bloodshot, as if he were always trying to force them to stay open.
He was sent off to prison right after I’d finished my first year of college.
The sentence? Fifteen years, for washing hundreds of millions of dollars for numerous cartels. Two weeks after he’d been booked, my mother committed suicide. As it turns out, she’d been helping him out through the entire thing and was facing some time herself. I guess she didn’t want to deal with all that and took the drastic way out.
A few months later, the government had seized pretty much all his property.
All of it, except for that cabin in the woods.
It took a long time for me to feel normal again. But eventually I managed it. Went back to school and graduated with a good enough GPA which allowed me to snag some shitty office job a few months later. But it was enough to pay the bills.
Fast forward about another year and I’ve basically scrubbed that entire sequence of events out of my brain. It took a little bit of therapy, a lot of psychedelics, but I finally did it, to the point where I was comfortable enough to go back to that cabin, the one place where I’d see my father for more than a few weeks at a time during our summer trips.
I decided to take along three of my friends from Uni - Jack, Pedro, Randy.
We drove down there at the beginning of May. The road leading to the cabin hadn’t been maintained at all and as a result, it had become borderline undrivable. I decided to save my vehicle the stress and parked in a nearby lot, leaving us about a one-and-a-half-mile trek through the woods, which really wasn’t so bad.
Our time in the cabin was pretty much spent getting drunk and stoned, and by the third night we had completely run out of food.
We decided to take the thirty minute walk over to the nearest rest stop, where I knew that there was a 24/7 diner. So we go there, eat our meals, and on the way back we notice a burning smell in the woods, as if there was a bonfire raging about nearby.
Of course that was a bit strange given that it was around 2AM. But we didn’t think too much of it at the time and we kept walking.
It was only when the smell continued to grow stronger as we got closer to the cabin that we understood something was very wrong. Soon it had become suffocating, and we could see the night sky tinged with orange in the near distance.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach and immediately I was sprinting, my worst fear realized as I reached the clearing where the cabin was located.
Completely up in flames, plumes of dark smoke blending in with the night.
It was a mix of different emotions that hit me all at once, the combination of them creating a sense of dread so deep I hadn’t thought it possible.
After reeling myself in, I called 9-1-1, with the operator telling me that the fire department would be on their way but wouldn’t be able to reach us for at least thirty minutes. The four of us walked away from the cabin in silence, getting far enough so that the smoke was no longer scratching at our throats.
Around ten minutes later, we noticed that the orange tinge in the sky had suddenly disappeared. And I mean suddenly. Like, gone in a single blink. I thought I might’ve been hallucinating, but it was clear from their expressions that my friends were seeing something similar.
Cautiously, we started making our way back towards the cabin, noticing that the smoke was no longer heavy in the air, having cleared up considerably. Once we reached the clearing, it had disappeared altogether.
I looked ahead, my brain working overtime to comprehend the sight before me. The cabin was no longer on fire. Burnt to a crisp, sure. But the raging, overwhelming flames that had been consuming it just minutes prior had somehow completely fizzled out.
The four of us looked between each other, as if to confirm we were all still seeing the same thing.
Using the flashlight on my phone to survey the damage, I found pretty much what I’d expected. Complete destruction. Absolutely zero hope of recovering anything.
I started taking some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down when I heard Pedro yelling out from the other side.
“Guys… where the fuck did this thing come from?”
We all walked over to him. Nestled in the debris was the corpse of… something. A monstrosity.
It was about the size of a bear, with the sections of its body that weren’t burnt showing pale, clammy skin with deep cuts etched throughout it, in what looked to be some kind of crude pattern. Its head had been smashed in, leaving nothing but an abnormally wide bottom jaw which was still baring long, black teeth. It had an uncountable number of long, thick arms that it was using to hold something that resembled a human infant, one that appeared to be completely unscathed, devoid of any burn marks. The longer I stared at it, the more that I was convinced I could see it breathing.
It was a bizarre enough sight to put us into a near-trance. What eventually snapped us out of it was the chanting.
It was barely noticeable at first, slowly escalating in pitch until it was clear that there were several human voices shouting in unison. Their tones were animalistic, their words strung together with just the bare beginnings of a rhythm. It sounded like they were speaking English, though I could hardly make out anything they were saying.
The strangest part though, was how quickly it was getting closer to us. Definitely not a walking pace. It was more like a sprint.
The four of us shared a quick glance between each other and immediately there was an understanding.
We ran like bats out of hell, tripping over branches, our own feet.
But eventually we reached my car, all of us scrambling to pile into it. As I was fumbling for my keys, the chanting had become deafening, to a point that hardly made sense. It sounded as if there were speakers lined up in a circle around us, all blasting that horrible noise.
And the second that I had put the keys into the ignition, things went silent. I found myself holding my breath as I looked up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness until what I was seeing was unmistakable. Several figures standing completely still at the edge of the woods. All human-shaped but far too large to be people.
All the air being held in my lungs flooded out with one big exhale and I slammed the vehicle into drive and took a sharp turn before speeding the hell out of there, refusing to look in the rearview until we had made it into the highway.
I drove until I had reached the rest stop, which was now hosting an absurd number of police cars. I parked, got out, and approached one of the cops, asking if they were here because of the fire.
The cop shook his head. “Fire? No. Has there been a fire?”
I explained the situation with the cabin to him, deciding to leave out the creature and the chanting for the time being.
The cop nodded slowly, his expression remaining largely the same throughout.
“Alright,” he said. “We’ll look into it. And then give you an update in the morning. For tonight, just get a hotel or something.”
We exchanged numbers and I thanked him. As I began to walk away, he called out to me.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
I turned back around.
“Yeah,” I said. “Sure.”
“Do you happen to be (my dad’s name)’s son?”
For a while I just stared at him. Eventually I nodded.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought I recognized you.”
“I don’t understand,” I told him. “I’ve never seen you before.”
The cop took a deep breath before taking a quick look around. “Come here,” he said. “Come close.”
Tentatively, I did so.
“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even know everything. But I think you should have the right to know the truth about your father. All of the stuff that’s happened here tonight, all of the shit that you’ve seen… it has something to do with him.
He took another look around before continuing. “Cartels, right? Was that the story they told you? It’s not so creative. But I guess it doesn’t have to be creative to be believable. Cause the shit that he was actually mixed up in… you would not believe unless you’ve seen it for yourself.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.
“Look, I have your number. I’ll be in touch tomorrow morning. This is something I’m curious about as well. Maybe you can give me some answers, point me in the right directions. But not here. So get out of here before people start noticing you. And stay safe.”
I didn’t feel like staying in a hotel that night, so I drove back into the city, dropping everybody off before arriving back at my own apartment.
Of course I couldn’t sleep that night, my eyes wired open into the morning as I waited for the officer to call. He still hadn’t by the time that noon rolled around and so I tried calling him instead.
No answer.
Eventually I did receive a call from the police, telling me that my father’s cabin had burned down and that it was due to a forest fire.
I told them that wasn’t possible because there had been no forest fire and that I suspected foul play and wanted it to be investigated.
“It’s already been investigated,” are the exact words that the officer told me. “Don’t worry about it. Just get in touch with insurance. Go over your options.”
And before I could say anything else, he had hung up on me.
It was a mixture of anger and curiosity that compelled me to drive back down there. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for the road leading towards the rest stop to be blocked altogether. There were two cop cars guarding the barrier, with a single officer signalling any vehicles approaching to turn around.
I pulled over to the side of the road and after some careful deliberation, I decided to get out and approach him and ask what was going on. Just to see what he might say.
When I finished the question, he stared at me for a long time. Uncomfortably long.
“Emergency construction,” is what he eventually told me.
After that encounter, I pretty much dropped trying to figure things out.
Some weird things have started happening to me since. Every night, I swear I can hear a baby crying in the apartment across from mine. The apartment that I thought had been occupied by a pair of college kids who definitely do not have children.
That cop that was supposed to call me finally did, a few nights ago. When I answered, I was met with dead silence on the other end. Nearly thirty seconds of it until the line clicked dead.
There’s an abandoned house sitting across the street from my apartment building, one that’s supposedly been there for years because the development of the store meant to take its place keeps getting delayed.
Somebody has started staring at me through its second-floor window. Whenever I catch them doing it, they’re quick to close the blinds, so I can never catch any details. But I know that the moment I turn away from it, their eyes are back on me.
I can’t confirm that any of these things are related. Whether it has anything to do with my father.
I just know that I don’t want to deal with it and that I want it to end.

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.
How do I mend this relationship between my wife and my mother?

Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.

Sorry for the long read, skip to last paragraph if TLTR. I guess this is more a rhetorical rant, but could just use someone to listen and breakup advice.
My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) just broke up after 6 years. We have been best friends since day 1 and have been proud that our relationship has been based off of a very strong bond built on support, patience, the same humor with an uncountable amount of inside jokes, and at the risk of sounding cringingly corny… pure love and respect. When I met him, I just knew he was it. He was kind, funny, dorky, and gave me butterflies long after the honeymoon phase. When we first moved in together people said “careful, moving can put stress on a relationship.” Not a single fight. We crushed it in one day. He had to move a heavy couch in knee deep snow and didn’t complain once. Our first roadtrip people said “careful, roadtrips can cause tension.” Again, not a single hiccup. Best 2 weeks of our life that we planned to a T and not a single negative thing happened - except too much sun causing some uncomfortable burns and some snippiness that didn’t escalate. Gentle aloe massages and a nap in the AC’d hotel room fixed it. We met early 20s so did a lot of growing together, even a little bit where we grew apart, but pushed through the other side stronger… or so I thought. This past year I started working at a new job and going to school for Nursing. Then his mom died very unexpectedly and honestly horribly. We stayed supportive of each other, went to individual therapy, we kept working. I knew he was holding it together too well and I told him “you’ll be fine until you won’t be.” After she died he barely got any time off work and I could see it wearing on him, but I still feel like everything I was doing for him and taking care of stuff at home and focusing on my own stuff just wasn’t enough. We were fine for the 2 months after his mom passed. Then 2 weeks ago we had a small argument that blew the fuck up. I don’t snap when I’m mad, I shut down until I can calm down, process what I’m feeling and properly articulate it. He said so much stuff he couldn’t take back. He told me that I needed therapy when I’ve been consistently going (he went to 2 sessions then quit), I’m properly medicated, I eat properly, I exercise, I’ve made an effort with friends, I’m working towards my goals… and he hasn’t made any effort with anything which I never blamed him for because HIS MOTHER DIED. Point being I’ve done what I could to better myself. And I knew he was struggling so I did what I could to let him grieve on his own time. But he just decided to treat me like his door mat. He told me he hasn’t been happy with me for a year (first time hearing about this even though I’d try and ask him what I could do to better support him or do to better our relationship or be a better partner for him and he’d always say nothing I’m good). He said he loves me but isn’t IN love with me anymore. He has done this in the past where I feel like we are good then suddenly he hates me or isn’t happy with me and what not. But I just can’t do this anymore. If he doesn’t want to communicate or work through it after 6 years together, then there is nothing I can do.
What is wrong with me though? I don’t know what I could have done any differently. Why am I not good enough? Why wasn’t the 6 wonderful years together not deemed enough to work through stuff, to be open and tell me “hey it bugs when you do this”. To communicate. I’m at a loss. I’m crushed. And I just want to be alone. But I can already tell this is going to suck for a long time and probably affect how I’ll be in future relationships. How the fuck do I get over this? I genuinely thought he was the one.
Thanks if you actually took the time to read all of that. Even more if you reply.

Over the course of the past few months I have been working on compiling a list of my 500 favorite songs. It was sort of challenge that I gave myself and I'm super pumped with how it turned out. There were a few rules (only 5 songs per artist being the big rule, among a few others), and here's the list I came up with. Thought it was fun, so wanted to share here and see if it might spark any discussion about song placement, lack of songs/artists, or see if anyone had any similar lists. All thoughts are welcome! (and if you don't care to comb through all 500 songs for your favorite song or artist I'm more than happy to help you track 'em down)

1. Trash Panda - Aging out of the 20th Century
   
2. Djo - Roddy
   
3. The Beatles - Don't Let Me Down
   
4. Snail Mail - Heat Wave
   
5. Phoebe Bridgers - Savior Complex
   
6. Joji - SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK
   
7. The Shins - The Fear
   
8. Talking Heads - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)
   
9. The Cranberries - Linger
   
10. Post Animal - Ralphie
    
11. Hop Along - Not Abel
    
12. The Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains
    
13. Electric Light Orchestra - Livin' Thing
    
14. The Monkees - As We Go Along
    
15. Blondie - Heart Of Glass
    
16. The Strokes - Oblivius
    
17. Chet Baker - It's Always You
    
18. The Beatles - Rain
    
19. Electric Light Orchestra - Telephone Line
    
20. Husbands - Must Be a Cop
    
21. Faces - Ooh La La
    
22. The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??
    
23. Frank Ocean - Nights
    
24. Harry James - It's Been a Long, Long Time
    
25. The Turtles - Happy Together
    
26. Etta James - At Last
    
27. The Zombies - The Way I Feel Inside
    
28. The Beatles - Here, There And Everywhere
    
29. The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
    
30. Kanye West - Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1
    
31. Briston Maroney - Sinkin'
    
32. John Lennon - Oh My Love
    
33. Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass - Ladyfingers
    
34. Squirrel Flower - Headlights
    
35. The Backseat Lovers - Maple Syrup
    
36. The B-52's - Rock Lobster
    
37. George Harrison - All Things Must Pass
    
38. Snail Mail - Ben Franklin
    
39. Laura Elliott - Grass Stains
    
40. Djo - Chateau (Feel Alright)
    
41. Tame Impala - Eventually
    
42. The Backseat Lovers - Snowbank Blues
    
43. Claude Debussy - Clair de Lune
    
44. The Weeknd - Save Your Tears
    
45. Talking Heads - Thank You for Sending Me an Angel
    
46. The Zombies - Time of the Season
    
47. The War On Drugs - Nothing to Find
    
48. Queen - Brighton Rock
    
49. The Dream Academy - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
    
50. The B-52's - Strobe Light
    
51. The Cranberries - Dreams
    
52. Fugees - Killing Me Softly With His Song
    
53. Molchat Doma - Тоска
    
54. Tyler, The Creator - ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?
    
55. The Mamas & The Papas - Dream A Little Dream Of Me
    
56. The Chords - Sh-Boom
    
57. The Beatles - The Abbey Road Medley
    
58. The Ronettes - Be My Baby
    
59. The Who - Baba O'Riley
    
60. Dr. Dog - Where'd All the Time Go?
    
61. M83 - My Tears Are Becoming A Sea
    
62. Billie Eilish - everything i wanted
    
63. Outkast - Hey Ya!
    
64. Nat King Cole - Orange Colored Sky
    
65. The Notorious B.I.G. - Hypnotize
    
66. Four Tops - Reach Out I'll Be There
    
67. Foreign Air - Shut Up and Show Me
    
68. Leonard Cohen - So Long, Marianne
    
69. dodie - If I'm Being Honest
    
70. Briston Maroney - June
    
71. Post Malone - Sunflower
    
72. John Lennon - Isolation
    
73. Buddy Holly & The Crickets - Not Fade Away
    
74. Phoebe Bridgers - I Know The End
    
75. Kanye West - All Falls Down
    
76. Alvvays - Adult Diversion
    
77. John Lennon - Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)
    
78. Clairo - Amoeba
    
79. The Beach Boys - I Know There's An Answer
    
80. Paul McCartney - Let Me Roll It
    
81. Frank Ocean - Ivy
    
82. Radiohead - Motion Picture Soundtrack
    
83. Djo - Mutual Future (Repeat)
    
84. Phoebe Bridgers - Scott Street
    
85. Childish Gambino - Me and Your Mama
    
86. Pink Floyd - Astronomy Domine
    
87. The Pied Pipers - Dream
    
88. The Beach Boys - All I Wanna Do
    
89. Djo - Change
    
90. Второй этаж поражает - Крайности
    
91. Little Richard - Lucille
    
92. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Shanghai
    
93. Chet Baker - Deep In A Dream
    
94. The Beatles - It's All Too Much
    
95. Post Animal - Dirtpicker
    
96. The B-52's - Love Shack
    
97. EDEN - foreve/over
    
98. Kanye West - Ultralight Beam
    
99. The Zombies - Going Out Of My Head
    
100. Talking Heads - Found a Job
     
101. Snail Mail - Pristine
     
102. Tom Tom Club - Genius of Love
     
103. Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World
     
104. WILLIS - I Think I Like When It Rains
     
105. Chet Baker - But Not For Me
     
106. Naked Eyes - Always Something There to Remind Me
     
107. Tyler, The Creator - GONE, GONE / THANK YOU
     
108. Djo - Half Life
     
109. Trash Panda - Check Please
     
110. Briston Maroney - Deep Sea Diver
     
111. Beach Fossils - This Year
     
112. Momma - Medicine
     
113. Hop Along - Prior Things
     
114. Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere
     
115. Electric Light Orchestra - Turn to Stone
     
116. Briston Maroney - It's Not My Fault
     
117. Tyler, The Creator - NEW MAGIC WAND
     
118. Snail Mail - Headlock
     
119. Phil Collins - Take Me Home
     
120. Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know
     
121. The Beach Boys - Do It Again
     
122. Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper
     
123. Ella Fitzgerald - Misty
     
124. Phoebe Bridgers - Waiting Room
     
125. Kanye West - Runaway
     
126. Daft Punk - Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers)
     
127. Dire Straits - Money for Nothing
     
128. Kendrick Lamar - Alright
     
129. Black Country, New Road - Concorde
     
130. George Harrison - If Not for You
     
131. Harry Styles - Cherry
     
132. Ms. Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing)
     
133. Paul McCartney - Junk
     
134. Wings - Maybe I'm Amazed [Live]
     
135. Talking Heads - Houses in Motion
     
136. Del Water Gap - Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat
     
137. Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
     
138. Queen - Seven Seas Of Rhye
     
139. Paul McCartney - Jet
     
140. Sufjan Stevens - Death with Dignity
     
141. A Flock Of Seagulls - I Ran (So Far Away)
     
142. Tame Impala - Let It Happen
     
143. Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love
     
144. Clairo - Management
     
145. Tommy James & The Shondells - I Think We're Alone Now
     
146. Fergie - Clumsy
     
147. Childish Gambino - This Is America
     
148. Prefab Sprout - The King of Rock 'N' Roll
     
149. Joy Again - Looking Out for You
     
150. Beach House - Space Song
     
151. John Lennon - Mind Games
     
152. The Weeknd - Gasoline
     
153. Weezer - Buddy Holly
     
154. Phoebe Bridgers - Sidelines
     
155. Tame Impala - New Person, Same Old Mistakes
     
156. Lana Del Rey - A&W
     
157. The Dillards - I've Just Seen a Face
     
158. The Doors - Break on Through (To the Other Side)
     
159. Julie London - I'm Glad There Is You
     
160. 2Pac - California Love
     
161. Dean Martin - Everybody Loves Somebody
     
162. Snail Mail - Anytime
     
163. The Strokes - The Adults Are Talking
     
164. Jordana, TV Girl - Better in the Dark
     
165. Juice WRLD - Hide (feat. Seezyn)
     
166. The Wild Reeds - Get Better
     
167. Finom - Mine
     
168. Hop Along - One That Suits Me
     
169. The Killers - Mr. Brightside
     
170. Michael Cera - Clay Pigeons
     
171. Clairo - Bags
     
172. Prince - Let's Go Crazy
     
173. The Zombies - She's Not There
     
174. Blackstreet - No Diggity
     
175. Frank Sinatra - I've Got You Under My Skin
     
176. John Denver - Take Me Home, Country Roads
     
177. Harry James - I'm Beginning to See The Light
     
178. The Clash - London Calling
     
179. Charles Bradley - Changes
     
180. Buddy Holly - (Ummmm, Oh Yeah) Dearest
     
181. Eagles - Seven Bridges Road [Live]
     
182. Moxie - Honey
     
183. Faces - Stay with Me
     
184. Post Animal - How Do You Feel
     
185. New Order - Age of Consent
     
186. Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
     
187. Lana Del Rey - Doin' Time
     
188. Twin Peaks - Blue Coupe
     
189. Kanye West - Gold Digger
     
190. Fruit Bats - The Bottom of It
     
191. Frank Sinatra - Somethin' Stupid
     
192. Lorde - Perfect Places
     
193. Martha Tilton - Exactly Like You
     
194. King Crimson - 21st Century Schizoid Man
     
195. Glen Campbell - Southern Nights
     
196. Claire Rosinkranz - Frankenstein
     
197. Guillemots - Made-Up Lovesong #43
     
198. Fleetwood Mac - Say You Love Me
     
199. Frankie Valli - Can't Take My Eyes off You
     
200. The Crickets - Don't Ever Change
     
201. Paul Anka - Put Your Head On My Shoulder
     
202. George Harrison - Isn't It a Pity
     
203. Trash Panda - Off
     
204. Super Besse - Holod
     
205. Beyoncé - Hold Up
     
206. Charlie Burg - I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You
     
207. Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
     
208. Ella Fitzgerald - It's A Lovely Day Today
     
209. PERMSKY KRAY - Дорогой Человек
     
210. The Little Dippers - Forever
     
211. The B-52's - There's a Moon in the Sky (Called the Moon)
     
212. Patti Page - Old Cape Cod
     
213. Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
     
214. The Soggy Bottom Boys - I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow
     
215. Trash Panda - Things Will Never Change
     
216. Hop Along - Well-dressed
     
217. Sixpence None The Richer - Kiss Me
     
218. TV Girl - Daughter of a Cop
     
219. LAUNDRY DAY - Jane
     
220. Tyler, The Creator - EARFQUAKE
     
221. Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11
     
222. Joji - Gimme Love
     
223. The Backseat Lovers - Pool House
     
224. The Weeknd - Take My Breath
     
225. Mild High Club - Homage
     
226. Doc Watson - Am I Born to Die?
     
227. Daniel Caesar - Streetcar
     
228. The Kinks - Sunny Afternoon
     
229. John Lennon - #9 Dream
     
230. Tame Impala - Elephant
     
231. Chuck Berry - You Never Can Tell
     
232. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
     
233. KIDS SEE GHOSTS - 4th Dimension
     
234. Soft Cell - Tainted Love
     
235. The B-52's - Song for a Future Generation
     
236. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
     
237. Lana Del Rey - Blue Jeans
     
238. Billie Eilish - Halley's Comet
     
239. Glenn Miller - In the Mood
     
240. Kid Bloom - Control
     
241. The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home
     
242. Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grapevine
     
243. Brenda Lee - If You Love Me (Really Love Me)
     
244. TV Girl - Lovers Rock
     
245. Art Lown - Knew You Well
     
246. Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head
     
247. Miniature Tigers - Like or Like Like
     
248. Electric Light Orchestra - Sweet Talkin' Woman
     
249. The Hunts - Ages
     
250. The Cars - Good Times Roll
     
251. Bill Withers - Lovely Day
     
252. Drake - God's Plan
     
253. Kansas - Point of Know Return
     
254. The Neighbourhood - Stargazing
     
255. The Clash - Rock the Casbah
     
256. Hop Along - What the Writer Meant
     
257. Briston Maroney - Under My Skin
     
258. Jack Stauber - Buttercup
     
259. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Ya Love
     
260. Ginger Root - Loretta
     
261. Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now
     
262. Frank Ocean - Pyramids
     
263. Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)
     
264. Destroy Boys - I Threw Glass at My Friend's Eyes and Now I'm on Probation
     
265. Mild High Club - Dionysian State
     
266. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
     
267. Kevin Abstract - Empty
     
268. The Frights - Crust Bucket
     
269. Stealers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You
     
270. The Shins - Fighting in a Sack
     
271. fun. - We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monáe)
     
272. Lil Uzi Vert - Money Longer
     
273. Miniature Tigers - Cannibal Queen
     
274. The Doors - Touch Me
     
275. Jean Dawson - Clear Bones
     
276. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Catching Smoke
     
277. Molchat Doma - Люди Надоели
     
278. The Go-Go's - Our Lips Are Sealed
     
279. Billie Eilish - ocean eyes
     
280. BOYO - Crown
     
281. The 1975 - Somebody Else
     
282. Husbands - She's a Betty
     
283. Syd Barrett - If It's In You
     
284. Trash Panda - Atlanta Girls
     
285. Frank Ocean - Godspeed
     
286. Alice Phoebe Lou - Glow
     
287. Childish Gambino - Redbone
     
288. New Order - Blue Monday
     
289. Post Animal - Schedule
     
290. Harry Styles - Fine Line
     
291. Harry James - I'll Get By (As Long As I Have You)
     
292. Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again
     
293. Chet Baker - I Fall In Love Too Easily
     
294. The Cranberries - Put Me Down
     
295. John Mayer - Edge of Desire
     
296. George Harrison - All Those Years Ago
     
297. Electric Light Orchestra - The Diary of Horace Wimp
     
298. Alex Clare - Too Close
     
299. Eric B. & Rakim - Know The Ledge
     
300. Peter Frampton - Show Me The Way [Live]
     
301. Simon & Garfunkel - Mrs. Robinson
     
302. Black Eyes - Deformative
     
303. The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
     
304. Bonny Light Horseman - Deep In Love
     
305. The Walker Brothers - The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore
     
306. Cage The Elephant - Cigarette Daydreams
     
307. Hot Flash Heat Wave - Raindrop
     
308. Clairo - Sofia
     
309. Kendrick Lamar - PRIDE.
     
310. Camille Saint-Saëns - The Swan
     
311. Weezer - Say It Ain't So
     
312. C418 - Sweden
     
313. Lana Del Rey - Let The Light In (feat. Father John Misty)
     
314. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
     
315. Pickin' On Series - Those to Come
     
316. Lana Del Rey - Grandfather please stand on the shoulders of my father while he's deep-sea fishing (feat. RIOPY)
     
317. John Mayer - Moving On and Getting Over
     
318. Field Medic - POWERFUL LOVE
     
319. Cage The Elephant - Flow
     
320. Joji - Run
     
321. The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
     
322. Boston - Peace of Mind
     
323. Ben E. King - This Magic Moment
     
324. David Bowie - Starman
     
325. Beastie Boys - Sabotage
     
326. Harry Belafonte - Banana Boat (Day-O)
     
327. Gene Krupa & His Orchestra - Rhumboogie
     
328. The Cardigans - Lovefool
     
329. The Kinks - You Really Got Me
     
330. The Zombies - She's Coming Home
     
331. Michael Jackson - Thriller
     
332. Moxie - Blue Skies
     
333. The Mamas & The Papas - Straight Shooter
     
334. Peter, Paul and Mary - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
     
335. Green Day - Brain Stew
     
336. Dua Lipa - Levitating (feat. DaBaby)
     
337. The Police - Roxanne
     
338. Britney Spears - Toxic
     
339. Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels
     
340. Rex Orange County - Pluto Projector
     
341. The Strokes - Call It Fate, Call It Karma
     
342. Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still
     
343. The Black Crowes - Twice As Hard
     
344. Ted Nugent - Stranglehold
     
345. fun. - Some Nights
     
346. Wings - Silly Love Songs
     
347. Paramore - Still into You
     
348. Peter Frampton - Baby, I Love Your Way [Live]
     
349. The Monkees - Last Train to Clarksville
     
350. Royel Otis - Oysters In My Pocket
     
351. The Backseat Lovers - Growing/Dying
     
352. Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
     
353. Post Animal - Goggles
     
354. Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No. 1
     
355. Childish Gambino - IV. Sweatpants
     
356. Steely Dan - Dirty Work
     
357. ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me
     
358. Still Woozy - Goodie Bag
     
359. Arlo Parks - Black Dog
     
360. Goth Babe - Weekend Friend
     
361. George & the Handsomes - Sleepy Beats
     
362. boygenius - 20
     
363. The Mills Brothers - You Always Hurt The One You Love
     
364. Travis Scott - SICKO MODE
     
365. Pinegrove - Need 2
     
366. The Backseat Lovers - Sinking Ship
     
367. Franz Schubert - Ave Maria
     
368. Zac Brown Band - Knee Deep (feat. Jimmy Buffett)
     
369. Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
     
370. Simon & Garfunkel - Cecilia
     
371. The Cranberries - Zombie
     
372. Daniel Caesar - Japanese Denim
     
373. Billie Holiday - Easy Living
     
374. ISLAND - By Your Side
     
375. Phil Collins - Tomorrow Never Knows
     
376. Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin'
     
377. The Four Freshmen - Day By Day
     
378. Fleetwood Mac - The Chain
     
379. Billy Joel - Big Shot
     
380. Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever
     
381. Yot Club - down bad
     
382. Rihanna - Stay
     
383. Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
     
384. Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky - Swan Lake, Op. 20, Act 2: No. 10, Scene. Moderato
     
385. The White Stripes - Fell In Love With a Girl
     
386. Alvvays - Easy On Your Own?
     
387. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - If We Were Vampires
     
388. Blackway - What's Up Danger (with Black Caviar)
     
389. Albert Hammond - It Never Rains in Southern California
     
390. Matt Maltese - Jupiter
     
391. John Denver - Mother Nature's Son
     
392. Childish Gambino - Sober
     
393. Claire Rosinkranz - Pools and Palm Trees
     
394. The Cars - Just What I Needed
     
395. The Doors - Light My Fire
     
396. Blondie - Tomorrow Never Knows
     
397. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Hell's Itch
     
398. The Japanese House - Saw You In A Dream
     
399. Franz Schubert - String Quartet No. 13 in A Minor, Op. 29 No. 1, D. 804
     
400. The Drifters - White Christmas
     
401. The 1975 - Robbers
     
402. George Harrison - Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
     
403. The Frights - Tongues
     
404. Paramore - Ain't It Fun
     
405. Billy Joel - Pressure
     
406. Frank Sinatra - My Way
     
407. Art Lown - Going Back to Carolina
     
408. Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are
     
409. Under The Rug - Lonesome & Mad
     
410. The Mamas & The Papas - Dedicated To The One I Love
     
411. Foster The People - Sit Next to Me
     
412. Weezer - Undone - The Sweater Song
     
413. Michael Jackson - Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'
     
414. Tia Blake - Plastic Jesus
     
415. Los Bravos - Bring a Little Lovin'
     
416. Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
     
417. Minnie Riperton - Les Fleurs
     
418. Billy Idol - Dancing with Myself
     
419. Cody Fry - I Hear a Symphony
     
420. Gringo Sapiens - Driver's Licence
     
421. Vacations - Relax
     
422. Glitter Party - time waits
     
423. Steve Lacy - Bad Habit
     
424. The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me
     
425. The Pied Pipers - Mairzy Doats
     
426. Mitski - Bug Like an Angel
     
427. James Ray - I've Got My Mind Set On You
     
428. Clairo - Bubble Gum
     
429. Masayoshi Takanaka - SEXY DANCE
     
430. Nat King Cole - (I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons
     
431. Sleigh Bells - Crown On the Ground
     
432. Olivia Rodrigo - favorite crime
     
433. No Doubt - Just A Girl
     
434. Foreigner - Long, Long Way from Home
     
435. Heart - Crazy On You
     
436. The Hunts - Darlin'
     
437. David Bowie - Heroes
     
438. Alice Phoebe Lou - Hammer
     
439. Thee Oh Sees - Toe Cutter - Thumb Buster
     
440. Roar - I Can't Handle Change
     
441. TV Girl - Birds Dont Sing
     
442. Laufey - From The Start
     
443. Chas McDevitt Skiffle Group - Freight Train (feat. Nancy Whiskey)
     
444. Metro Boomin - Am I Dreaming
     
445. Liana Flores - rises the moon
     
446. POP ETC - Speak Up
     
447. Jean Knight - Mr. Big Stuff
     
448. The Platters - Twilight Time
     
449. Derek & The Dominos - Layla
     
450. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Homeless Man in Adidas
     
451. Charlie Burg - Lovesong (The Way)
     
452. Hot Flash Heat Wave - Gutter Girl
     
453. ABBA - Fernando
     
454. Mitski - My Love Mine All Mine
     
455. Savannah Conley - More Than Fine
     
456. Young the Giant - Mind Over Matter
     
457. Future Crib - Yer Movin'
     
458. Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone
     
459. benches - Violent
     
460. Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie
     
461. Olivia Rodrigo - vampire
     
462. Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone - City Of Stars
     
463. Maya Hawke - Thérèse
     
464. Current Joys - A Different Age
     
465. Wayne Newton - Danke Schoen
     
466. La Roux - Bulletproof
     
467. Jason Segel, Walter - Man Or Muppet
     
468. U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
     
469. The Raconteurs - Steady, As She Goes
     
470. The Ink Spots - Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall
     
471. Ace of Base - The Sign
     
472. Vulfpeck - 1612
     
473. Nordista Freeze - Hey GiGi
     
474. The Chainsmokers - New York City
     
475. Suki Waterhouse - Johanna
     
476. Pete Rodriguez - I Like It Like That
     
477. Calvin Harris - Summer
     
478. The Rare Occasions - Notion
     
479. a-ha - Take on Me
     
480. Rush - Working Man
     
481. Traffic - Dear Mr. Fantasy
     
482. Starbuck - Moonlight Feels Right
     
483. Van Halen - Drop Dead Legs
     
484. The Troggs - Wild Thing
     
485. Led Zeppelin - Good Times Bad Times
     
486. The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season)
     
487. Cream - Sunshine Of Your Love
     
488. Justin Timberlake - SexyBack (feat. Timbaland)
     
489. David Bowie - Suffragette City
     
490. Ludwig van Beethoven - Sonata No. 14 in C-Sharp Minor, Op. 27, No. 2 "Moonlight"
     
491. Avicii - Wake Me Up
     
492. The Who - La-La-La-Lies
     
493. The Spinners - The Rubberband Man
     
494. MGMT - Time to Pretend
     
495. Hootie & The Blowfish - Only Wanna Be With You
     
496. Sheck Wes - Mo Bamba
     
497. Claire Rosinkranz - 123
     
498. Ringo Starr - Photograph
     
499. The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
     
500. Duran Duran - Rio
     

Reddit Account: u/Chicken_Supreme01
Discord Tag: justchackensauce
Name and House: Aerys Belaerys
Age: 20
Cultural Group: Valyrian
Appearance: The blondish-white that marks him as Valyrian, Aerys is a youth in his early 20's and the bright eyes of a man with his whole life ahead of him.
Trait: Just
Skill(s): Vanguard (e), Cunning (e), Tactician
Talent(s): Board Games
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Knight of Aegon's Rest
Starting Location: With his family
Alternate Characters: N/A
---

Bio

Aerys Belaerys was born on Dragonstone to Aemon and Alyssa Belaerys. His father was occupied trying to scrape together any amount of money for their family while his cousins marched to war with the Targaryens. He would be the eldest of their two children with his sister Maegelle being born a few years after and from a young age, Aerys had very little expectations placed upon him unlike others that bore the name Belaerys.
In the beginning he was set to follow one of two paths, that of a warrior or that of a copper counter akin to his father, either way he would be a man sworn to serve the Targaryens and the main branch of Belaerys on their family farm. His mother wished more for him to be told, but being the side branch to an already lowly Valyrian family did not open up many opportunities.
Much would change quickly however, Aerys would only live on Dragonstone for a short period of two years before his families luck would take a surprising turn. A short stint inside Aegonsfort before tragedy befell House Targaryen as the King was slain by a Tully assassin. Aerys was far too young to even remember these times however, with his first memories only ever being of the family's new home in what was once called the castle of Riverrun.
Life would be easy going for Aerys, all eyes were on his elder cousins and the main branch of House Belaerys. Such relaxed expectations would lead Aerys to try and find his own niche in the family, a position no other would be able to match him in. He dreamed ambitiously and so threw himself at everything he could hoping something would stick, and stick something did.
While his cousin Aelor grew to love the fine arts, Aerys would find himself enthralled with matters altogether more martial. Learning the history of the Westerosi was made ever more interesting thanks to the countless spats and wars that occurred throughout the continent. From the Andal invasions all the way back to the mystical wars between the First Men and Children of the Forest, Aerys soaked in knowledge of battles and strategies and begin dreaming of the day he would ride out at the head of his own army.
As the years passed and the boy grew into his teenage years, he had moved on from daydreaming his battles to creating mock scenarios out of game pieces, challenging all who he deemed might pose a worthy challenge. This would start out with a soldier here, or one of the maesters there, but soon enough none in the castle wished to play such a game, and so once more his thirst for advancement in his craft would evolve.
Aerys would begin setting up mock battles using Belaerys men-at-arms as the new pieces. This form of the game would give him further visual queues to look for during the battles, and would lead him to further honing his abilities on the field. The mixture of reading every piece of work and actively leading troops in the mock battles around Aegon's Rest, Aerys' abilities would eventually begin to plateau, there was only so much practice could do in place of actual real world experience.
Such experience was likely enough to come his way however, as before long an old and bitter rivalry that Aerys had only read about finally flared back up. Blackwoods and Brackens once more raised their banners and pointed their weapons at one another.
While much of the surrounding Houses began to fear that the spat would spill out into something all the more devastating, Aerys was overjoyed at the potential for real warfare experience. No other voice was louder then little Aerys Belaerys during the council meeting that Lord Baelor Belaerys called over the matter. While some voiced caution, and others voiced leaving the House out of it entirely, Aerys Belaerys urged his uncle to support a side and earn prestige and renown for their House.
Baelor would be swayed by his nephews pleas, and a raven would be sent to House Blackwood declaring that House Belaerys stood with them. The banners would be called, and while Aerys would not be given any sort of command due to his youth, it would not stop the excitement from rising in his chest. The only thing that did kill the excitement was the dragon that appeared on the horizon the day Belaerys was set to march to join the conflict. At first believing it to be one of the Queens, Aerys was beyond surprised to see none other then his cousin Aelor.
His cousin and the dragon would fly off almost as soon as they had landed. Aerys was not privy to the discussion that took place between father and son, but he knew deep down that if a dragon had joined the mix, it was highly unlikely that he would see any form of real battle this day.
This feeling would turn true as reports came back the very same day that both Blackwoods and Brackens agreed to return to their own lands instead of face a dragon, his heart sank at this news and his feelings became conflicted for but a moment. It was great for his House and cousin that Belaerys now wielded a monstrous beast like Veraxes, but it was that fact that also stole Aerys' first chance at live combat.
He wouldn't remain in a sour mood for long however, because once Aelor returned he would give Aerys the chance of a lifetime, and the pair of cousins would fly atop the back of Veraxes together. Aerys could remember tying the chain, his heart beating hard as the great dragons wings stretched out and prepared for flight. It would be a memory he would hold dear, as though in their childhoods they had never been able to forge a close bond, this one act would be the start of a strong fellowship between the two.
Life would once more fall into a simple cycle of monotony, Aelor flew off to explore what Westeros had to offer, and Aerys would continue his learning efforts. Eventually the entirety of Aegon's Rest library was exhausted. His father Aemon would urge him to see knowledge and experience outside the family's lands, more specifically to the Citadel like he had. Although he was wary of leaving at first, he would concede that in order to grow and gain more knowledge it would be needed.
In 20 AC, Aerys would leave Aegon's Rest for the first time in 18 years. He would travel through the West and Reach, meeting new people and experiencing new things along the way. Finally he would reach Oldtown, the high spire reaching far into the sky above him. He would spend the next five years working his way through several links of a chain, emerging in 25 AC with a more complete education and solid foundation in regards to warfare.
He would make his return journey to Aegon's Rest, only to learn of his family's impending journey to the festivities being held near King's Landing.
---

Timeline

5 AC - Born to Aemon and Alyssa Belaerys.
7 AC - Moved to Aegon's Rest after King Aegon's death.
14 AC - Begins his journey to find his own niche inside his family.
18 AC - Pushes his uncle to join the fight between Blackwood and Bracken, conflict is averted by his cousin Aelor arriving atop Veraxes.
20 AC - Exhausts most avenues of furthering his abilities within Aegon's Rest, journeys to the Citadel in Oldtown to further education.
25 AC - Returns to his family.
25 AC - Present.
---
Family Tree
---
Name and House: Aemon Belaerys
Age: 42
Cultural Group: Valyrian
Appearance: An older man, he has seen his fair share of life, Aemon is usually disheveled looking
Trait: Steward
Skill(s): Architect, Avaricious, Scrutinous
Talent(s): Coin Stacking
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Steward of Aegon's Rest
Starting Location: With his family
Alternate Characters: N/A
---

Bio

Born ten and seven years prior to the Conquest to Maekar Belaerys and Aerea Scales, Aemon had one sibling, a younger sister named Alyssa. He would spend his entire youth on Dragonstone until he'd grown to become a man-at-arms under House Targaryen.
During the Conquest, he'd land with his cousin Baelor and Aegon Targaryen at what is now known as King's Landing. Despite his best attempts, Aemon was never exceptionally skilled with a sword, he would quickly find ways to not be sent to the frontlines, managing to fake an injury to his ribs on the eve of the Field of Fire.
This fake injury would cause him to miss the battle, and thus miss the death of his cousin Monterys as he fell to the enemies arrows. He would miss the field turning red as the Targaryens dragons turned everything to fire and ash.
The loss of his cousin, a man he might have been able to protect had he been more brave, shook the last reserves of strength from Aemon. He would hang up his sword for the last time, vowing to never pretend to do something again, and only do that which he knew would actually be able to help his family.
While his cousin and their offspring proved valorous warriors, Aemon had always been drawn to that which truly made the world function, gold. From a young age his ability to keep track of funds and find the best deals had kept his burgeoning family fed as they tried to subsist on a meager farm on Dragonstone. Although he had a knack for this line of work, his education had been truly lackluster given his background, a few years after the war he would seek his Baelors permission to learn from the group of Maesters down at the Citadel.
After arriving at Oldtown he would immediately become consumed by the sheer amount of potential knowledge the Citadel had to offer, and the nightlife that Oldtown had to offer wasn't too bad in its own right. Despite his marriage to his sister-wife, Alyssa, Aemon had never felt a true closeness to her as a husband should, and so truly he dove into all the city had to offer.
Several years pass, several chain links forged, several seeds planted. Aemon would journey home with so many new experiences gained and knowledge secured under his belt, it was time to return to his family and do everything he could to make up for lost time.
In the time spent in the South, House Belaerys under Baelor had not been idle. Now the Lords of their own fief, it seemed like their House was on the rise. Although the first meeting between the two was awkward at first given the amount of time spent away from each other, Aemon would find his place in the family soon enough.
Raised to the position of Steward, he would quickly show that his time in Oldtown was not wasted. Repairs on the castle would be completed faster than originally anticipated, prices for equipment and resources were negotiated for better prices, and the flow of taxes from the surrounding lands was tweaked to allow for more gains per moon.
Life would pass by, and soon enough Aemon would witness his son growing into a young man of his own. Unlike him though, Aerys would be captivated by war and the commanding of soldiers. Sometimes it led Aemon to wonder how such a boy came from him, but still it made him smile to see his own excel at something they held dear.
One day the peaceful life that Aemon had grown accustomed to appeared to be slipping, as word rose from the east that the ancient rivalry between Blackwoods and Brackens was on the cusp of once again reigniting. Despite his pleas for Baelor to remain neutral from the conflict, it was his own sons words that resonated best with the Lord of Aegon's Rest.
To Aemons own horror, Aerys was pushing for their house to join the fray on the side of the Blackwoods and march to war. Once more the sinking feeling of fear and cowardice crept up on him, and he felt like this time, instead of his cousin dying, it would be his own son.
His fears would begin to reach the surface as the day to march off to battle arrived, no amount of arguing or fighting had dissuaded either Baelor or Aerys from the current course of action, and it seemed anything short of draconic intervention wouldn't be able to stop Belaerys from joining the fight.
Such thoughts would prove true however, as in the sky appeared the mighty form of that which could be mistaken for nothing else. A dragon flew above Aegon's Rest for the first time in a decade, except this time it brought a rider that did not bear the name Targaryen.
Aemon was just as shocked as everyone else as none other then Aelor Belaerys dropped off the back of the dragon. His fears washed away as he witnessed Aelor return to his dragon after speaking with Lord Baelor, surely the son had returned to save his House from sacrificing any lives.
After the conflict was averted by the actions of Aelor, life at Aegon's Rest would return to a sense of normality. Such life was perfect for him, but alas he soon saw the effects it had on his son. The boy seemed to grow restless and irate at the peace that reigned over their region of Westeros. Aemon knew the boy needed new experiences, and thanks to his time there, he knew exactly where such knowledge and experience could be gained.
He would direct his son to travel to the Citadel, engulf himself in the studies and histories the Maesters had collected there, and absorb all he could. Such things would surely teach the boy a thing or two, and also allow him to travel across Westeros and see some of the world outside the castles walls.
All was once more calm, Aemon would begin spending the time he wasn't dedicating to being Steward to fishing, reading, and even teaching his daughter the finer points on being a steward, so that one day she might be able to help out with his duties.
Time would fly by until, in 25 AC, Aerys would return home a moon before House Belaerys was set to travel to the festivities being held near King's Landing. House Belaerys flourished now, a thriving castle and an heir that wielded a deadly dragon.
What could possibly go wrong?
---

Timeline

17 BC - Born to Maekar Belaerys and Aerea Scales.
1 AC - Lands with Aegon and his family, fakes multiple injuries to dodge being sent to the front lines of major battles.
5 AC - Aerys Belaerys is born.
6 AC - Travels to the Citadel to learn economy and stewardship
12 AC - Returns home, Maegelle Belaerys is born on the last day of the last moon.
13 AC - Is named Steward of Aegon's Rest.
20 AC - Sends his son to study at the Citadel, like he once did.
25 AC - Present.
---
Quentyn Strong - Castellan
Weese - Bandit
​

[OC Intro: The game is modded to increase basic jobs cost, seasonal events are disabled. Much of the crash details are based on NASA/SP-2008-565 Columbia Crew Survival Investigation Report recommendations especially Chapter 3 "Occupant Protection".]
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries. He has only a few minutes of APU power left, goes over the best clearing he can find, and radars it. It varies by only a few feet from the aerodynamic glideslope there. He spots it out on the cameras and circles to go after that spot. He's only at two hundred feet now. With one hand on the stick, he uses the other to open the pressure equalization valve on the side hatch, then at one hundred feet, gets it undogged. Depending on how much damage he's going to get, it's less likely to be stuck closed and trap him. The dynamic vacuum this pulls in the cockpit rips most of the survival pack data cards from that rack and scatters them across the landscape. Crap, I'm gonna need those! Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, he turns on the radar for the final approach, takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and PFD, he clicks his HANS and shoulder strap locks in; after that, he can barely move, but that now is better than dying in this crash with a broken neck. He's a decent pilot and brings up the flare gently. Bringing up the alpha on this delta-winged ship, he balloons a little, but keeps the nose going up and restores a zero aerodynamic sink rate just above the highest terrain indicated by the radar altimeter. The ship bumps a little in the ground effect, and he can see the radar altitude cycling irregularly up and down about five feet at a time. Rougher than it looked from higher up! The body flap protecting the dead engines hits first, and the nose comes rapidly down. It hits, the screens go blank, and Tightniks is surrounded by airbags, some lifting his feet from the rudder petals and his hand from the control stick. It's blinding, it's disorienting, it's noisy, and, to his relief, it's long! It takes several seconds before the crashing cockpit stops moving. How many times did he flip over? Did he go sideways and roll? Am I rightside up? Are we really stopped on the ground? The airbags deflate, and he can move his arms. He gets his restraints loose and inspects himself. "Uck!" he says out loud (without the 'f'). No broken bones. His pressure suit can take his blood pressure. 116/81, pulse 112, blood oxygen 99 reads off on his left arm, I'll friggin' take it!
The ship is amazingly intact from what he can tell. He can't get any readings. The systems test meter seems to be working, but can't find any voltages anywhere. The ship seems to be completely dead. Behind him, 10 passenger seats are all surrounded by airbags and the back of the cabin ends in some sort of dirt-and-gravel and there's a bit of daylight seeping in around the edges. He was the only one on board, though, so their deployment was mostly academic (they might have stiffened the structure a little during the crash, but that's probably trivial.) Tightniks gets out of his spacesuit. The air on this planet is actually breathable. He gets the hatch open, steps outside and-
"A green shimmer erupts then disappears, and you hit the ground."
The human emerges from the glowing green mist and hits the ground. Groans. Pushes against that ground, trying to get back up. Where am I? What's my name? I remember nothing. Aren't babies born naked? He's got a dark blue button-down shirt on. A uniform? A shoulder patch. Gets up, looks around. I feel really heavy. I'm not that fat, am I? He picks up a small stone from the ground, this also feels heavier than it should. He rises to his feet and holds it out somewhat (he's unable to fully extend his arm) and lets it go. The stone hits the ground near his feet quickly and with remarkable speed. It's the gravity, it's greater than it is on- ...where am I from? This is- ...not my home planet? "Oooh..."
"Ka?" it says.
What is that? It's cute, at least.
It is not tame. He has no hope of catching it on foot. The creature seems to like the berries. Maybe if I gather some of those into one place and set some kind of trap...
33s: First trap.
I got one! The human lumbers up to the trap and gets the catch open. Do you bite? It doesn't matter much to me; I'm so friggin' screwed.
It doesn't. It looks at the human with a sense of wonder, actually. A blink and tilt of the head. Seems almost to be asking, Is it you? My purpose? My savior? Once out of the trap, which is totally wrecked, he has to make a new one from scratch, it follows him around like a imprinted hatchling bird.
Wiry little fella, you are. You're going to need some bulking up to do anything useful. The- ...'trimp', I guess... The trimp seems just barely able to feed itself. The human lets him into the broken ship's intact cabin, and it curls up comfortably in a passenger seat for a nap.
1m03s: Second trap.
"Apparently the Trimps breed if they're not working. Doesn't look pleasant."
What are they doing?
The trimps appear to be androgynous, and these two have paired off in the back of the ship. They're holding something carefully within a few hours, feeding it berries, grass, and- ...corundum.
Corundum?? Whatever that is, it isn't a baby.
1m35s: Third trap.
Only it IS a baby! The third trimp he trapped immediately joined the other two in raising it. They have a strange diet of food the human has found compatible with his own body, but they also eat rocks! They're careful to crush and sort aluminate minerals from silcate ones and only eat aluminate. Actually, they don't eat aluminate, they're only feeding it to the baby.
2m06s: Fourth trap.
All four are raising the same child, who is just starting to toddle. It seems these fellas have alumina or maybe even aluminum bones. The human takes a nap and wakes to find the first child grown up and they're starting to raise a second child, all five of them.
2m46s: Huts.
The human found a working bit of electronics. He calls it a pad, but maybe it's more like a smartphone. It has plans for two residential structures. The first, the smaller one, he can build right away, but the second one needs something called "drywall", and he has to figure out how to make that before he can build it. Huts and houses, apparently.
3m13s: 10 pop, full, first farmer.
The trimp he trained to farm and make paper took an incredible 50 units of food to get bulked up to do the work, and now it's not participating in rearing the child. But less than an hour after the trimp started farming and pulping, the child was out on its own, and the trimps did not start another. The ten seats on the ship were all full. Well, eleven counting the one up front that the human sleeps in. The pilot starts exploring the area.
3m28s: Battle.
Wait, what are you do-
The hostile roars and charges at the human, but one of his trimps jumps in front of him with a stick and they fight. It started right when the human got far enough away from the ship that the hostile non-trimps away from the ship began to regard him as leaving his own territory. After the trimp defeats the first enemy, it continues after other hostiles.
3m53s: Shield I in Z1c5.
The human is easily able to recover the loot in the territory cleared by the fighting trimp. Then he sees something glinting in the- That can't be! What the heck is that? It's a data card that fits his pad. It quite clearly regards trimp combat. He gets it loaded into his pad and studies it. I can do this, it just takes some wood. He returns to the ship to discover that they had already started on a new child before the fighter had even expired in battle. The human concentrates on his research.
4m38s: Mskel in Z1c11 defeated.
The remains of this one seem rather white and shiny. It's titanium! This enemy had titanium bones! He'll store them away. They'll be useful someday, I'm sure.
5m52s: Dagger I in Z1c20.
Where are these data cards coming from? The human wonders as he loads this one into his pad, It's for a weapon it calls a dagger. He blinks. I don't know what a dagger is. I'll take your word for it, data card. Needs metal. He has gathered some, but ore is plentiful. He can just dig and smelt it whenever he wants. For now, I'll continue researching.
6m18s: Arable in Z1c21.
It's an old cave that trimps like to live in. Why weren't they able to live there before? How could these friendly critters be confined to only the exact spot where THAT thing, he looks back where he came from, not remembering that he piloted the wrecked ship to its current resting place, crashed? This is really strange. I'll let them fill up this cave before advancing further. Wait, what about defenses? The hostiles never try to reclaim territory that they've lost, so he stops worrying about that fairly quickly.
8m22s: First hut is 0.3% first ever AP.
The trimps seem fairly easy to please in terms of living quarters. Two move into his first hut and start raising a child. The human has his tent, uniform, and the heater pilfered from his space suit. Not much of a mud fan.
9m59s: Miners in Z1c30.
Oh, what's on this data card? Sl3niw? Oh, I'm holding the pad upside down. Miners. I can teach trimps how to mine ores and smelt met- 200 units of food? Each job is getting more expensive to train a trimp for. He puts his bee nickels to his eyes and spots another data card probably 10 enemies away. "Sc"? Does that means science? I can teach trimps to do science??
13m57s: Scientists in Z1c40.
Due to the expense of training trimps, the human couldn't afford to build them shields until now, he's got Sh1-3 made for the fighter to capture the science training data card. 14m02s: One head went into that turtlimp shell, that of his fighter, but two came out: his fighter still has his head on, and he managed to get the turtlimp's head off. It rushes off after the deadly penguimp in the next cell. The shields are not doing all that much good, actually, but they're better than nothing. The human picks up and loads the science data card and- Holy runny sugar-free fudge crap! 1000 food units, but it'll endow them with the ability to speak. Good. I'm getting bored with no one to talk to.
14m28s: Bloodlust purchased and AutoFight enabled (that delay after getting it is an effect of jacking up the job cost.)
As the human buries this expired little trimp warrior, he comes to the sobering realization that he has more trimp graves in his growing trimp colony than he does live trimps. And yet they seem more hopeful now than before I got to know any of them. They seem to think I'm the solution to all their problems or- Those two look east somberly, then notice that he's watching them and smile back and wave at him. ...one problem that is specific, but very, very huge for them. [The only reason I say 'east' is because that's right on a map, and the game advances right across a row, then up. I might say 'northeast' on occasion for that reason.]
20m47s: Z1c73, Miners taken.
Are you my new mining foreman? The trimp who took to the mining training has dark brown fur that lays flat on its head. It's unusual in not having any bits that stick out from its head, ahoge or whatever. This one is relatively quiet, and while it has assimilated the mining and smelting knowledge, it needs to bulk up to do any mining. Smelting is relatively easy, and getting a strong natural draft going in a furnace is almost trivial with the increased gravity. This trimp builds furnaces like nothing. And likes to nap in holes it digs right on the spot; it's weird that way. [Puchim@s Yukipo, and furnaces are not explicit in Trimps.]
21m58s: Farming in Z1c80.
The resourcing "books" are not data cards but paper scrolls, apparently lost to the trimps. It seems that they were civilized in the recent past and some calamity swept over the planet to reduce them to this. Did I have something to do with it? Amnesia sucks harder than a Dyson- ...what's a Dyson? Whatever, it sucks. This disaster happening just before I crash in the only spot with trimps still alive would be a seriously crazy coincidence! Something is really, really wrong about all this. [The author has not sought or received product placement permission or fee from Dyson Technology Ltd. or any resellers of their stuff, just they literally suck balls and made my favorite vacuum cleaner.]
23m50s: Builder in Z1c90.
They've rescued an, I dunno, gelding trimp? It just started to build a shed around the piled lumber I left to build one. It's really slow compared to me, and just banged its thumb, but it is super cute with that long reddish head fur. That particular trimp is also fascinated with pink ribbons and likes to decorate its head fur with them. Because of its inherent inability to participate in rearing children, it isn't counted in the population. [Puchim@s Io, builder on the basis of Iori seen building in 1x10.]
26m02s: Zone 2, 44 pop, 5.5s RC with Z0/1.
It's some sort of tactical manual - tactical coordination. Coordination! He's starting to sort out some trimpese on the research he has done so far. It needs a lot of metal, so they won't be able to implement it for some time. Hopefully, they're still good one at a time, but these enemies seem to be getting bigger as we go along. Uh oh!
27m33s: Gym in Z2c5.
It's some sort of training dojo or sporting arena. The human examines the ruins, I think I can back-engineer drawings for this, get one built, and see what happens.
29m02s: 1g, 47 pop, 10.8s RC with Z1/2.
The two fighting trimps now with their gym and coordination are dodging and blocking enthusiastically, and making much faster ground against the bad guys then a little while ago when it was just one trimp fighting at a time and unable to avoid the enemy hitting back.
40m46s: Fresh turkimp in Z2c74, 63 pop, 7.9s RC, Sh1-10, Da1-5, Bo1-3, Ma1-3, Hm1-3, 6g.
Oh, wow, the laborers seem really hot after this turkimp. He cooks it up and tries a slice. It's really awesome! I have to work alongside his laboring trimps to share it, but I'm getting used to the gravity now. That scroll we found back in Z2c10 really helped. Trimps' techniques and appliances for handicapped individuals, and I'm really handicapped in this higher gravity. He joins the woodcutters with the turkimp; they're the most numerous resource laborer right now, building more gyms, enough that the block/dodge ability of the fighting trimps is almost caught up to the enemy's ability to cause damage.
43m15s: Zone 3, 63 pop, 7.9s RC with Z1/2.
I'm neglecting my science and trimp scientists are really expensive. Curiously, that grey-haired one can't speak all that well, only says "Tai" and "Shijou", but it can write and draw like nobody's business. It's the only scientist so far. [Puchim@s Takanya: Online references probably still claim that she can utter the first two syllables of any word, but she can actually utter only the first two kana syllables of someone's name, most often the given name of basis human Takane Shijou, who also has that habit. (All the utterances of the puchidoru are based on the speech foibles of their basis humans except maybe Piyopiyo, where I haven't seen anything match up so far.)]
47m32s: Finally, we can make drywall and houses. 59m30s: Z3c77, 94 pop, 7.8s RC.
Oh, those poor things are really struggling up at the front. These trimps are enthusiastic and know no fear, but I still feel like telling them to stop for a while. I don't have the heart to keep them from trying while they're still doing some damage.
1h05m24s: Zone 4, 107 pop, 9.3s RC with Z3/4. 1h15m26s: Zone 5, 120 pop, 8.2s RC with Z3/4.
"What is that?" the human asks. He has three scientists. His first does all the writing, but the other two can actually speak. One of them hops up on a rock spire beside the human to reach his eye level.
At the next ridge line, over the lowest and most passable gap in the terrain, this really mean looking hovering sausage monster.
"I dunno," the scientist trimp shrugs, "But it's making me hungry. Looks like a perfectly cooked frankfurter from here." [John Morell's dubious dirigibles.]
"Oh, yeah," the human nods, "that's a blimp."
"A blimp?" the trimp tilts its head quizzically at the human, "How could you know?"
"I wish I could tell you, little buddy," the human extends his arm braces to descend the pass on the side of the zone boundary in the boss enemy's direction, then grunts, "Let's go kill it."
1h16m11s: Z1c9, 120 pop, 10.3s RC with Z4/5. 1h33m34s: Zone 6, 151 pop, 7.4s RC with Z4/5.
1h33m54s: TP in Z1c3.
"What's this?" the human asks, having picked up the little square document with the curling corners.
"Oh," the hungry scientist looks at it, "It's a garden path, follow me."
"You want to lead me down the garden path?" the human says.
"Yeah," the scientist says.
"Are you kidding?" the human asks.
"No," says the other scientist, "We don't get human humor. Listen, these fighters can't go, let them wear themselves out here, then we'll take the next group through this garden."
"Okay," the human nods, watching two more trimps join the fray as he issues the Z5 coordination orders, "they're doing pretty well after all that block training research we just wrapped up." [That's a common artifact, even in normal games, Z5 Traintacular combines with many gyms, enough population to add several trainers, affording Blockmaster, which is expensive on a run zero, plus a break on Tion Z5, a 40% all-stat increase. I don't think Zach designed it into the game on purpose, it just worked out this way.]
1h34m07s: 151 pop, 10.5s RC with Z5/7. 1h37m44s: Drop from Z6c39, TP for 3.
"Now we have these access map frags we can use to route through the old trimpopoli," the scientist explains, "Atlimpis for food, Morimpa for gems, Everimp for metal, and Impazon for wood."
"What about the garden?" the human asks.
"Well, we got lucky with Tricky Paradise," the scientist says, "but you can randomize the route and maybe get lucky. What's with that look?"
"Somehow, I'm remembering 'frag' as something that blew up with deadly pieces," the human says. [Different video games - ones with better graphics and worse gameplay Ｏ(>▽<)Ｏ]
1h39m59s: Blues back up to the top on series I...
"Tai, Tai!" the first ever trimp scientist stops the human just before he upgrades the mace and dagger to Mk.6 and Mk. 8 respectively. It has a note for him.
"Why do you keep calling me that?" the human asks, "Do you think that's my name?"
"Shijou, Shijou," it nods as though to indicate, I KNOW it is. Then it proffers its note again. The human takes it and reads, "Don't upgrade the first row equipment right now."
"Why not?" the human asks.
"Shijou," it points at the end of the mapped route, where there's a scroll sticking out of the thistles.
2h24m07s: Zone 8, 224 pop, 12.2s RC with Z7/12.
"Your settlement is getting crowded, there's Trimps in the streets, and you're taking heat. You feel a sudden strong desire to create a map, though you're not quite sure how that would help."
2h49m10s: Zone 9, 357 pop, 9.5s RC with Z8/15.
"You can't shake the feeling that you've been here before. Déjà-vu?"
The trimps really seem to like the new high capacity mansions, and the village has rapidly expanded since they started building them.
"There's something familiar about this," the human says.
"Tai," the grey one that writes clings to his arm and shows him a note that says, "Don't give up now."
"We must persist," says the yellow one has found a foothold it can grab onto and grabs the human's shoulder gently, "If you give up to early, we'll never solve this. You'll be stuck here forever."
The human puts his hand over the trimp's paw on his shoulders, then looks at him, "I can die, too."
"No, you can't," the trimp says quietly, "Please don't test that, tall one."
"Death is just another path..." he remembers.
"Gan," the grey one squeaks. [That's the first two kana syllables of "Gandalf"]
"...one that we all must take," the human continues, "The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it-"
"A green mist," the yellow trimp interrupts, "flash of fire, we're all gone and our progress forgotten. The wandering stars return to that day, and you again crash that ship- ...a little better every time."
"Wait," the human looks around, "have I been here before?"
"I-" the yellow trimp tries in futility to share what little it knows, "...or... somebody got just a little coolant into the-"
"Into the what?"
"This side up," the grey one's note says.
"Into the that," the yellow one points at the note, "It really helped. You- ...I don't think we've ever had mansions before."
Well, of course they didn't have mansions before. That was one of my ship's data cards. How did it get way out here? Will anything start to make sense?
3h02m13s: Zone 10, 387 pop, 8.7s RC with Z8/15; '28s: 11.1s RC with Z9/19. 3h16m41s: Tough snimp after food book, L10 rand dept from lo-hi-med 118/25/96, 4 Items.
"That's twice our frags led us to gem-rich Moria," the human says.
"Morimpa," the new red trimp scientist corrects, there now being 5 scientists. [There'd be more if there were more turkimp.]
"The question is how do we use all these gems?" the human looks at the village zoning plans again, "I like those mansions and all, but they use hardly any gems compared to, well-" he gestures at the pile of over two dozen thousand gems they've gathered, "-that! And still a lot of wood and lumber."
"I think there's something," the yellow one sighs, "I wish I knew more."
Quite some time later, after they're done looting that route for equipment plans, the trimps are again advancing through Zone 10, and he hears it.
"Tai?" the grey one wonders.
"Where are you going?" the yellow one asks.
"To the farm," the human answers.
"Whatever for?" the red one seems exasperated.
"Shijou?" the grey one sighs, then looks at the fighting front. It's been around long enough to remember, "Shijou!"
"You guys already get so much to eat this doesn't do you much good," the human explains.
3h32m33s: L11 112/35/78 rand sea, dropped from Z11c6 with disband, 4.
"What's wrong?" the red one asks.
The human comforts one of the wounded. Once trimps start into a zone fight, they have to finish before they bleed out. He's really bothered making them desert in front of that second turkimp. "They had a lot left in them," he sighs, rubbing his eyes, "but we can't keep that much dead turkimp at once, we have to leave it alive to use up all of this one."
"Shijou," the grey one presents a note, "We need this map right away, anyway. Don't worry about it, Tightniks."
"Tightniks?" he looks at the grey one, "Is that me? How do you know?"
"Tai," the grey one points at the top of the human's left breast pocket.
"Ah, crud," the yellow one curls its tail around in front of itself as trimps do when they're embarrassed, "Is that really a name tag?"
The human hadn't even noticed it since the green flash blew up his memory as he was stepping out of the ship.
4h04m22s: Block (sub-8h AP is only 0.3%), taking it, 504 pop, 9.8s RC with Z10/24.
It's a pretty thick book about using shields for block instead of hit points. The pad has the stats analysis. Sh3-1 is only giving us 9% of our hit points. Turning to his trimp scientists, he says, "It seems to me to be worth it."
"Let's," the yellow one nods.
"Shijou," it hands him a note, "It scales badly, but that won't matter for a long time. I think there's a way to undo it before it matters."
"Doing it." The human takes out his pad and starts scanning.
4h29m05s: L14 rand moun 137/26/80 is really good for a lo-hi-med. 4h30m52s: Hotels.
"Ah," the yellow one says, "I knew there was something. That must be it."
5h08m09s: L15 lo-hi-hi rand gard 129/28/82 (just got explorers). 5h09m32s: Picked up Wall.
"Dam," the human says.
"Damn?" the red one chuckles.
"No," the human says, "Earthen wall dam; it's a thing that makes artificial lakes by holding rivers back."
"Lakes?" the yellow one asks, "Rivers?"
"Oh yeah," the human says, "This planet doesn't have enough rain for those..."
5h48m21: Leaving Wall from about c70 to fetch Tion Z15.
"You can't resume the map from the same point if you start another," the human reads the grey one's note.
"We can go back to the same point on that route if we hold there and finish Zone 15, right?" Tightniks asks.
"Shijou!" it seems to be saying yes.
"Yes," the yellow one adds, "but we're out of Series III upgrades, and you need a fresh map route to start up Series IV."
"We should be okay," Tightniks says, "but if we have to start it over, I don't see that being a big deal." As they advance through the rest of Zone 15, Tightniks resumes his usual duties at the research desk instead building and running traps like he was before.
The trimps seem hopeful at this decision.
5h49m10s: Fresh turkimp. 5h50m16s: Zone 16, 1071 pop, 13.4s RC with Z15/75, 13m43s turkimp (skel in c1.)
"Z:16 Seriously? Another Blimp so soon?"
"So," Tightniks lowers his bee nickels and looks at the red one, "is it going to be boss fights at the end of every zone from now on?"
"Hmm," the red trimp looks up past the human at some random rock spire or cloud.
"Well?" the human persists.
"Yup," he says.
"Hmph," Tightniks grabs a Sw3-1 of the rack and advances towards the front, "Before then, we have another Mister Titanium."
"What does he like about skeletimps?" the red one asks the grey one as the human marches off.
"Shijou?" the grey one seems just as confused by that.
"He's not going back to the ship, and he's not getting himself killed," the yellow one smiles, "so I'll take it."
5h58m32s...
"Hey guys, go for the mortar!" the human suggests to his 75 fighting trimps in the Wall's boss fight.
"I can tell from your bedtime stories that you're used to the artillery in that other place," the yellow one gripes, "but fighting works differently here, there's no artillery."
And the human instantly collapses laughing, the scientists a little worried he might have injured himself in the planet's severe gravity. But he's okay, at least physically, "Mortar is the stuff between the bricks, fellas. That's is a brickimp, right?"
5h59m18s: Wall, 1076 pop, 13.3s RC, 1% AP for sub-8h finish, first L16 roll good 156/35/84 moun, 10 for the metal.
Beyond the Wall was a more edenic section of the trimpolis ruins, doubling the production of the lumberjacks. The trimps are actually really happy with the mode of all of the laborers moving between the three big jobs, along with the turkimp, except for the foremen specialized at leading the job. It isn't enough to boost their productivity, but the human goes to them with trays of sandwiches.
6h06m52s: 50 map run 0.3% AP...
6h19m13s: Zone 17, 1141 pop, 16.0s RC with Z16/94, no turkimp.
"Z:17 You climb a large cliff and look out over the new Zone. Red dirt, scorched ground, and devastation. Is that a Dragimp flying around out there?!"
"Hmm," the human surveys the new zone with his bee nickels, "Looks like crap. Any ideas?"
"You're the idea man," the yellow one groans.
"Set the map flag," he puts his bee nickels away, "We'll run a depth for practice and to load up on gems for more hotels."
"Righto," the red one gets to work.
6h44m34s: First DCP. (Draglimp Care Package; I refuse to call it a tribute.)
"Oh," the human says, "It's tame now, so it brings back gems in exchange for food?" He looks at his gaping scientists, "That's what it looks like, huh? Guys? Yo!"
"Tai..." the grey one sighs.
Draglimp, the dragimp imprinted on Tightniks, lands beside the human, drops some gems at his feet, and accepts some scratching behind its horns before diving into the food bowl.
"You tamed a dragimp???" Grey's note says.
"Well," the yellow one huffs, "I guess that happened."
8h18m53s: L20 depth of 154/27/79.
"Mapping up here?" the red one half closes one eye and tilts his head.
"Yeah," the human says while fitting together the depth map fragments, "With the coordination book not right at the end, we have an extra mark of coordination to take advantage of. Let's take our housing up to 2000 or so, shall we?"
"Okay," the yellow one says from a pile of logs, "What's all the wood for?" They had been collecting it for days now.
"The series upgrades follow a rather specific pattern," Tightniks explains, "Just on the other side of this blimp is Zone 21, where we should be able to find the Shield series V, right?"
"Shijou!" the grey one nods.
8h56m17s: 1% AP for 100 map runs, leaving it, 1751 pop, 24.8s RC with Z20/232. 8h56m54s: Zone 21...
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from that."
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
"Shijou," the grey one says hopefully, and has a map drawn within a few minutes. [Whether it looks like the one in Puchim@s 1x61 is anyone's guess. That one annoyed me as well as Chihya.]
9h02m37s: L21 moun first roll was a decent 160/26/84. 9h21m00s: Starting run 5 of that map...
Tightniks had taken his anger out on some food and wood to build about 8000 traps. Now he's leaning against a rock spire in his increasingly tattered uniform. A nap begins, perhaps unintentionally.
Wild trimps are examining the pile, finding it unwelcoming, and also finding no place in the town, just mill about. It looks like they want to help.
"Ku?" it's a blue trimp, probably a farmer waiting for stuff to grow, climbs up on the rock spire the human is leaning against, starts patting him on the head, "Ku. Ku ku." [Puchim@s Chihya.]
9h23m09s: Still working that lap...
Tightniks wakes up from that nap, and the grey one is standing there. "Shijou," it says with a note of concern, although not much of one. The note it holds says, "It wasn't me."
"Oh, what wasn't you, buddy?" He stretches out a bit, feeling somewhat refreshed. It feels like somebody washed his face and hair while he was sleeping.
The grey one is also holding a small mirror, apparently broken off from a larger mirror and with the sharp edges filed down to make the edges safe.
The human takes it from the grey trimp and holds it in front of his face to discover that somebody has bound up all his hair into about twenty little pigtails. He touches them with his other hand to confirm. "Eh, whatever." He hands the mirror back and goes back to sleep. [Puchim@s Koamimami.]
9h30m08s: The following run...
"He's not throwing stuff every which way yet," the yellow one whispers to the red one, watching the human snoozing with his pad on his knee.
"You remember that, too?" the red one asks.
"'Remember'?" the yellow one turns to face the red one, "I s'pose that's better than imagining it."
"I remember it, too," the grey one says via a playing card sized note.
"If we're stuck in a time loop," the yellow one sighs, "maybe this cycle will be different."
"Tai..." the grey one admires him for a moment. Then thumbs in the direction of the mountain, "Heh, Shijou!" it laughs.
9h35m58s: Run 8, c9 of that map.
The scientists nap and take notes, and meditate and take notes, and draw stuff. The grey one often storyboards for the other nine because it's the best at drawing stuff. They have come up with a list, and most probably "order" (they're debating whether their ranking means "order" (sequence of things happening over the various loops) or "frequency" (what proportion of previous loops they have happened in). But they've come up with this, from first (or perhaps most often) to most recent (or perhaps least often):
- The ship crashes (they're pretty sure that happens every loop) - The human builds huts - The human teaches some of his trimps to speak and do science - The human builds houses - The human makes maps - The human builds mansions - The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp - The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels - The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp - The human only recently/rarely maps the Dimension of Anger
They're all agreed that that they have never finished the Dimension of Anger. What they are not all agreed on is that they've never done this conference to figure out whether they're in a time loop or what that might mean. [See also Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Cause and Effect" ...which was sort of a time loop but they weren't going back in time. It's very interesting, but its meta makes no sense - no one ever went looking for the Bozeman in 80 years? No one who went looking for the Bozeman also got stuck? No one noticed the passage of time outside the little area of space where the not-quite-a-time-loop was happening? Errr... sci-fi writers, don't be half-assed about your time loops, lmao! Be like Harold Ramis- ...what am I saying?? (That would be Groundhog Day, which grafted a time loop into a romcom; there are no other sci-fi elements. But it was a full-blown time loop and not half-assed like "Cause and Effect".)]
9h54m06s: Dropped from Z21c95...
I think it would be a bad idea to bypass that green area, as much as I'd rather not face it. Both his domesticated trimps, which are breeding up a new group of fighters, and the wild trimps he has decided just now not to open the traps for, stare at him and point in that direction. He shoulders a huge Shield V-3 and grabs an Mace IV-2 as well and announces, "We're doing it." Thus equipped, he marches off into the Dimension of Anger.
10h27m53s: Taking Pi4-2; recently had taken Pa4-2...
The group at the front had expired, and the snimp in DoAc95 glares at the advancing colony of trimps, which had halted only because of it. It refuses to counterattack the vulnerable colony and its human, instead snorting and huffing, waiting for the next bunch of 232 fighting trimps to come in range.
Tightniks runs along the line of traps, releasing the recently tamed trimps, singing a song that he doesn't remember the meaning of, that he doesn't remember was crafted by an ethnically Chinese guy out of an African language, and later mastered by two caucasians over the internet before they ever met in person. "Baba yetu yetu uliye, mbinguni yetu yetu amina..." because it just happened to be stuck in his head. [Because the Doylian author decided on a whim to. Christopher Tin got it into Civilization IV and at the time (2010 July), I made the best video for it on YouTube, which got subsequently blown to shreds when Peter Hollens and Malukah re-recorded the song from scratch in their own voices and instruments in 2014, pity with no English translation, the purpose of my video.]
Noticing the last batch of metal he needs coming out of the furnace, he waves the waiting grey scientist to fire up the forge [to use the term properly and not as the game does], for it was time to wrap up the forging dies for the Spetum IV, Mark 2 pike heads.
"Shijou!" the grey one cheers, setting aside a snack that looks like maybe ramen, and starts jumping up and down on the bellows handle.
It takes a while for the human to chip out the tip in the two halves of the forging die, and then polish it, and then heat it up in the forge, and then quench it, inspect it, and put it into service crafting thousands of new pike heads for the fighting trimps.
But only one second passed on the map frame clock (10h27m54s) four cells behind that snimp, in the case being brooded over by this huge, and if it's honest, rather concerned megablimp.
10h35m45: Portal PB, 45 He, 4.247 He/hr, 1891 pop, 22.7s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' mace heads bounces of it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Red, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Mace IV, Mark 3 with both hands and gets it over his shoulder, its target obviously this object, anger at the realization he screams at the top of his lungs, "We are stuck in a mutha FAH-king time loop!!" His swing begins. [Tightniks almost never cusses, unlike Snugniks.]