Hi! MS4 and incoming intern posting about my experiences with a unique situation. I'm making this post because there wasn't a lot of information out there about my situation which made me really anxious when I was applying to residency programs, so I hope my experience can help anyone else who ends up in the same situation I did.
In short, I received a very bad evaluation from my surgery rotation during MS3. The resident evaluating me described me as unprofessional with patients, disinterested in the rotation, and inappropriately dressed. Not that it really matters at this point, but this evaluation was completely false. My other evaluations from the very same team praised my excellent bedside manner with patients, and noted that I frequently stayed late to participate in procedures and learn surgical skills. The only thing that could be true was the last part, since I did make the rookie mistake of showing up in scrubs instead of business wear on the first day of the rotation. All I can say is that I think that resident truly had it out for me for some reason and disliked me from the very first day of the rotation, and nothing I did made them warm up to me.
Nearly every post I saw about similar situations online said to get the eval struck off your MSPE, and that most schools do some editing of the MSPE anyway to help out students in this situation. Well, unfortunately, my medical school is one of the few schools that refuses to do any editing of evaluation comments whatsoever. I escalated it to every possible level, from the clerkship director to the school deans. They all refused to remove/edit the comment despite the fact that 1) the evaluation was directly contradicted by the multiple other evaluations I had received from the same team and rotation, and 2) the resident had not mentioned these concerns at all during our formative midclerkship feedback sessions and instead chose to blindside me at the end of the rotation.
So going into my ERAS application cycle, I was pretty terrified. I was fearful that all my years of hard work would be overshadowed by this one unrepresentative evaluation from some resident who had a vendetta against me. All the people posting online had ultimately managed to get their bad eval scrubbed from their MSPE, so I had no idea going into the application cycle how my less-than-clean MSPE was going to be interpreted by residency programs.
Good news! Turns out, I really shouldn't have worried. I matched at my #2 choice in my top specialty (psych), which is an academic psych program. I received interviews from some excellent places, so I also don't think my MSPE harmed my prospects. The MSPE comment never once even came up in any interviews, even with interviewers who mentioned other specific comments in my MSPE.
What I believe the mitigating factors were:

• The resident's evaluation was directly contradicted by other evaluations from the same rotation, making them appear to be a single disgruntled voice
  
• The resident's concerns were not repeated in any of my other evaluations from any other rotation
  
• The evaluations and LORs from my psych rotation were very strong
  
• Psychiatry is very, very different from surgery, so I think psych programs were willing to take a chance on me even if I did appear to do poorly in a surgical setting
  
• Psych is getting more competitive but still isn't one of the uber-competitive specialties, so you can afford to not be perfect
  

Anyway, just posting my story so that anyone in a similar situation can find this later and get some peace of mind. A single bad evaluation on your MSPE, even if it's VERY bad, does not have to be an application killer. As long as the other parts of your application are strong, your hard work will pay off.
Best wishes to all, TheRealVelociraptor

I 16F was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend 18M, when we first started dating it was my freshman year and his junior year, me not knowing what I was gonna get myself into, I said yes to him asking me out not even 2 weeks into school. Things started off rocky at first, not knowing he was in a relationship with not one but two girls, I continued to date him for 3 months before I found out, but my dumb 14 at the time self decided to give him another chance and would try to fix him. Shortly after that he began to be really touchy/clingy not wanting to snuggle or hold hands, but for se*ual activities. I let it happen for about a month just staying silent anytime he wanted it, but after I began to use the word no, he became different, less texting, less “I love you” etc. But in September of last year, I texted him basically telling him that this whole relationship has been rocky ever since I began to use the word “no” and that I’ve given him so many warnings about touching me in that way without consent. He basically said OK and that I had too many boundaries and I could text him when I wanted to. I haven’t spoken to him since that, but I have heard that he has gotten suspended for engaging in disgusting activity with a minor. So AITA?

I don’t know if I’m crazy or things are escalating. I know I have undiagnosed Depression and ADHD because I deal with a lot of things especially dysregulated emotions & I’ve just been dealing with my depression since middle school. (I’ve been looking for a good therapist but they are extremely scarce in my area good ones anyway). My family (mainly extended family aunt uncles etc my immediate family also but not as extreme as the others (I live at home) are so disrespectful they don’t knock they just open the door unless it’s locked if it’s locked they will come to the WINDOWS to see if I’m home so now every time I hear a knock i immediately run to make sure all curtains are closed & even bought black out curtains. Like I feel like I have to go into lockdown in my own home. When they come over they will sit and insult my entire existence especially since I don’t follow the life they want for me. I am so tired of being around them & sometimes I get forced to go to family gatherings and I will admit I get drunk before going (I’m a happy drunk until provoked then I’ll cuss out the provoker then back to a good time) because it’s unbearable it’s like they didn’t want me there but would have a issue if i didn’t come. If I’m sober & dressed up I still get insulted like they will just find ANYTHING to insult me with & im running out of patience. The other day my aunt came over to me wanting to talk smack about someone & I just didn’t want to hear it & screamed at her “I DONT GIVE A DAMN! So sorry but I don’t wanna hear that shit” she gave me a mean look & walked off i have to deal with uncles & cousins putting their hands on me (like literally the other day soon as i walked up to the family get together my cousin smacked me hard in the face & nobody said anything like it’s ok) as well i try my best to defend myself & show them at least, them provoking me doesn’t get to me it does deep down. Im not in a good financial space to move away & figuring out a plan. My fear is I’ll one day have a violent outburst I can’t come back from & I hate when it takes me out of my character but I’m just genuinely so tired of fighting & feel I just don’t have the emotional capacity to deal anymore & not proud I’m using drinking to cope but every moment sober is just pure hell, me crying all day even random bursts of crying that come out of nowhere & thoughts of suicide I’ve tried but journaling, regular exercise, good eating habits, getting 20 minutes of sun daily & all that gets me but so far because I feel nothing is being solved at the end of the day. So sorry for the long post but I’ve begged for help from everyone I could in my life for so long & still trying to get it & just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I’ve dealt with these all my life.
TLDR: 20 yr old F. dealing with abusive family trying to plan to move out & trying to find therapist. Undiagnosed depression & adhd using drinking to cope with the stress & environment. Need tips to help cope at least till I can find proper help. Please be kind☹️

I (29f) took my boyfriend, (26m) to the hospital yesterday morning at 4:30am via ambulance. He came into the room saying he just had a weird moment where he was sitting at his desk and he felt like he got trapped in his brain. He couldn’t move or speak, and it was like he knew how, he just couldn’t make his brain do it. I said that was alarming and he needed to see a dr about it. He went and had a shower and then told me he had another incident like that. And then by the time he got to the bed, he completely went blank which then progressed into jerking movements alongside the inability to speak. I thought he was having a seizure, something he’s never done before. Called the ambulance and then for 3 hours, he continued to have the same episodes. Some where he was absent and others where his body was taught and his legs or arms were jerking.
The drs gave him a strong muscle relaxant and he stopped having these episodes for around 6 hours. And then he was given an anti seizure pill and discharged. Halfway home, he started having these episodes again, so much to his displeasure I took him back to the hospital. He was given an anti seizure medication via IV, but he still continued to have these episodes. At its worst it was a constant in an out with no reprieve in the middle for upwards of 30 minutes. Often times since, when he gets an episode, it won’t be an isolated event. He’ll be in and out for maybe 10-30 minutes and have some time in between. Meaning he doesn’t just have one, and then has a break.
He’s had an MRI, CT, countless blood and urine tests and will be having an EEG as soon as he can. Essentially it all came back as not being consistent with a seizure. His brain is fine.
So the dr mentioned he believed it might be FND. I’ve been doing what research I can on it. And alarmingly, it doesn’t appear like there’s a medication that can help him, and he instead has to unlearn his brain from what I’ve gathered.
It hasn’t been 100% diagnosed as FND, and it won’t be until we do the EGG, but the shorted amount of time we have to wait for that is a month. So it could mean a month of these events where I can’t help him and he keeps getting stuck inside of his mind.
I want to know if any of you have similar episodes, if this sounds familiar to you, and if you’ve done anything that can help bring you out of these events.

I guess I’m just here venting my feelings because life has been pretty hard lately and I don’t really have anywhere else to go with these thoughts at the moment. Feel free to stay if you can relate to my struggles, or don’t, the choice is yours. 99.9% of the time, it feels like I’m always wishing I could’ve been born into someone else, because I can’t stand how difficult my life has been made to be, and it just feels like too much of a burden to take on. I’m not sure if many other people here can relate to this feeling, but it feels as if I was born to just have a really insufferable and miserable life.
I was born gay, black (technically mixed but by a quarter), and not very good looking if I’m being honest. I grew up in the western US, and ever since I was about twelve, I was bullied for everything someone could be bullied for. The way that I looked, the way i spoke, being black, not being black enough, being occasionally (presumed) gay, etc. I just quite simply never fit anywhere and I was constantly reminded that I’m never good enough. I hated what I saw in the mirror so much to the point where I’d avoid every mirror possible and I would begin to feel resentment towards my family for birthing me into being at the absolute bottom of the social ladder. I know it’s not their fault that the world is the way it is and I do truly love them, but I just couldn’t stand the fact that my life was made incredibly difficult because I was born to them and not a more privileged family that could’ve provided me an easier life. Instead, I was given the burden of being born different in a society that just doesn’t like me for multiple reasons, and it’s now my job to completely change myself so that I can have a chance at a better life.
I spent a lot of time alone as a kid since I always felt insecure about myself, and I would work tirelessly to be more attractive, charming, and endearing so that others would treat me with kindness and respect. Instead of going outside and playing with others in the summer, I spent my summers doing what people now call “looksmaxxing”. I would stay out of the sun because I’d get picked on if I was “too dark”, spend everyday working out, grow my curly hair out to take attention away from my nose which I hated, practicing to hide my “gay voice”, and finding the coolest clothes to wear so people would be impressed with me by the next school year. I would never hang out with my school friends and never go out and just be a kid having fun like others did. I hated myself too much to do anything else because it felt like everyone else hated me or looked down on me for just existing. I just wanted to be someone that could have more in life, but it felt like I’d have to run myself into the ground trying to change enough to actually have a shot.
The sad thing is that this actually would work. With each year that went by in school I became closer to my goals. I hung out with the popular crowd beginning in freshman year of hs and started to feel better about myself because I started to gain recognition. All of this however took a turn when, long story short, I fell in love with my best friend since middle school and he turned on me in sophomore year due to him being closeted. He shut me out, and my other friends didn’t talk to me anymore because he was basically the leader of the popular kids. I switched schools in junior year and fell into a really deep depression that honestly I never fully healed from. I’m 22 now, and I’m honestly pretty messed up because I’ve had such a horrible childhood. I guess you could say I glew up dramatically in the years after hs, but only because I was bullied into basically becoming a different person, and I still feel the need to constantly change things about myself and obsess over my appearance. I don’t know how to get over the things I’ve been through and my life is still shitty today because of trauma and unfavorable circumstances I find myself in.
I see other people who are my same age or (even worse) younger, and I get extremely angry because they have lives that seem so much better than my own; Friendships, relationships, happiness that they didn’t have to slave away for. I envy the ease that life has provided them and the freedom they must feel, while I always feel caged and confined to a life of hardship because I’m me… and they’re them. I want my life to be different, but it feels like the life they have was never meant for someone like me, and I have to spend years of my life trying to be where they were born. It’s so frustrating, and it all just feels like too much to bare. I don’t really know what the point of me writing all of this was, maybe just me letting off steam or reaching out into the void, but If you’re still reading this thanks for sticking around till the end lol. If anyone has any words of encouragement, I could definitely use it right about now because I’m really struggling 😂

Mostly a post just for myself.
I've been reading articles from the Backrooms Wiki (specifically this one) for a couple years now. It mostly started as something just to read when I didn't want to pay attention in school, like with the SCP Foundation, but I did become connected with the site. Today, I read the rewrite for Object 100, AKA Super Almond Water, and when I was done, I went into the discussion page only to find its author, CutTheBirch, is leaving the site, same with scutoid studios. It made me realize how long I've actually been reading from there, and to how much things have really changed. I wasn't there from the start, but I did see the shift from short, quick, creepypasta esque levels to more indepth things. I also couldn't help but realize how few articles have been posted as of late. They were never that frequent, but you'd usually get 15+ per month. This month, there have only been 7. In April, only 4, which is right after the conclusion of the Canonicon 2024 contest. That might just be because authors have to focus on finals and such, and we're sure to see an uptick in posts with the arrival of summer, but it's something to note nonetheless.
But it also kind of put my own life into perspective. It is a bit odd that this is what made me realize that, but it is what it is. The Backrooms Wiki made me realize how much things have changed in the 16 years I've been around.
Sorry if this makes no sense or seems like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I've never done a post like this and probably never will again, but I just felt the need to share this information. Have a good night.

[Let me know if a chapter a week is okay; I'm thinking it might be a bit too often. Run Zero: https://redd.it/1csb71x Run One: https://redd.it/1cwxbsg]
The mining foreman refused to go to sleep, and watched intently as Tightniks finally reached over and set it home with one hand. Its last nervous little sigh was the only thing he remembered-
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...
32s: First trap.
He built it big this time, and there are six trimps in there. They look familiar somehow, the light one with dark hair and an unusually short and broad tail compared to the rest, a big-eared green one, a grey one, a yellow one, and a red one with big paws and "XIII" on its rump, and a brown one with pink ears that takes the lead and cheers, "Kakka!" Once he lets them out, they all follow him intently around like just-hatched birds do their mother. He shows them the busted off cockpit and forward cabin of the ship he just crashed and they get inside and start da- ...nope, sticking with "dancing". He busies himself looking for the survival pad.
Until he hears the squeak of a baby trimp. They're feeding it- ...rocks. Carefully selected, aluminate rocks. What the heck are they doing? Whatever, I've got to get some conventional food for- What's that? He's got the survival pad already, but this was outside the ship, it must have materialized when he descended through that glowing grey mist getting out. He gets it flipped over and turned on.
"Manual portal activation 2 successful:" it displays, "rare shield equipped 54%Stg 14%Atk MT 0 Nu loaded / 399 He loaded / Metal challenge active / Total portal activation 956"
Metal challenge? The human selects it.
"You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to bring you to an alternate reality, where the concept of Miners does not exist, to force yourself to become frugal with equipment crafting strategies. If you complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling the challenge, miners will re-unlock."
He's so confused, What the Loy is a Dimension of Anger? I think I have a headache from this high gravity. Sits down for a moment.
Notices that one of the trimps is sleeping in a small deep hole just at the edge of the garden, apparently to have a nap in standing upright.
I don't believe you, "portal". I'm training that one first chance I get!
56s: Pop full.
There are ten of them already?? I'm still working this derpy little potato patch to get enough food to bulk up just ONE of the- He looks at the portal pad and blurts out loud, "Fifty-six SECONDS??" He postulates that he's in a time-dilated environment, and that the portal is measuring time somewhere "out there", this "map frame" environment. It's like those Star Trek episodes he can't remember "Wink of an Eye" and "Blink of an Eye" that he can't quite remember. [One of them is Star Trek TOS, and one of them is Star Trek: Voyager and I forget which one came from where.]
1m57s: Arable in Z1c13.
The human walks along and one of the trimps viciously fights the various hostiles that try to come at him, staying ahead. Just behind, he finds that hole-digger busted into a cave big enough for 9 of them, and they start raising babies to fill it up.
3m37s: Miners in Z1c30.
It's broken! he notices of the data card he just picked up. It's one of the ones that flew out of the ship when he undogged the ship's side hatch, but it didn't survive. What was on it? He's got a vague memory of a big tanuki-tailed trimp, much bigger than the- Wait! This memory is of hole-digger all grown up. So this is- he looks at the smashed data card in his hand, ...this is the Miners card. At least there's some lying about so we're not totally deprived of metal.
That's odd. I'm sure I spent longer training this little guy than "one second map frame." The human looks at the black trimp with the grey head fur and silvery eyes, "So, can you say something yet?"
"Shijou." [Takane and Takanya are not black, it is their favorite clothing color.]
"Okay, can you say something else?"
9m12s: Zone 1, 40 pop, 3.5s RC with Z0/1, 13m19s turkimp. 12m55s: First scientist.
"Tai," his first scientist waves at him.
"Hmm," the human tries to think of a better test, "What color is the sky?"
"Shijou." The exasperated human is about to sigh in despair when he notices a card in its hands, with one word on it, "Blue."
"What?" he takes it, "You can't speak but you can write, huh?"
"Shijou," it twirls its paw off the end of the card in his hand. The human turns it over, and in small writing, it has "Technically, the sky isn't blue, it's a foible of Rayleigh scattering in an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere. And you have 'TIGHTNIKS' embroidered on the left side of your uniform."
A look of astonishment sweeps over the human. I never taught it about Rayleigh scattering. Apparently, the scientist training has unlocked its brain to access the collected knowledge of a previous life! Then he looks at his uniform and groans, spanking his eyebrows in realization. The trimp had apparently noticed him wandering around the camp wracking his brain and talking to himself trying to remember his own name, and it's right there the whole time! He spanks his eyebrows again.
The very well fed grey-headed trimp starts doing experiments, leaving him to take the turkimp back to his farmers. Too bad it's only a quarter as fast at it as he is.
32m25s: Zone 3, 79 pop, 4.5s RC with Z1/2; c16, 79 pop, 6.8s RC with Z2/3.
"Nano! Nano, nano, nano." The D&B (that's dodge and block) foreman has an impressive yellow mane, light face, green body, and brown hind limbs, and moves like a blur when it decides to. When asleep, it's as unarousable as an exhumed fossil, except with the food article Yellow the scientist calls an "owny geary". [Puchim@s Afuu]
Helping it out is a brown-maned white trenching expert Tightniks finds oddly familiar. It has no problem mining, but couldn't start a fire if its life depended on it, so smelting is out of the question.
I guess that's how the Metal challenge really works. Too bad I suck at it. Tightniks is spending all his smelting time smacking out nails and joist hangers for the houses, and has nothing left for fighting gear.
1h53m25s: Zone 9, 306 pop, 7.9s RC with Z8/15, no turkimp.
The white trimp with the brown head fur- ...whichever one it is because it, or one that looks just like it, sometimes (apparently) burns itself up or blows itself up trying to build a metallurgical furnace. This one is digging a hole right now, into the concrete of some ruined building's foundation. It hits some strapping and rebar, makes a happy sound, follows it along and gets it sorta clear of the concrete bonded to it, and rips it out of the ground to throw on the metal pile. It now seems content to do that instead of trying to smelt ores.
"Red?" Tightniks glances at one of his scientists, "Do you think we could take it to- What's that place you said you visited five hundred years after some misty fight or-"
"Cloudy strife," it says, "Yeah, Midgimp is like that, we could probably map a route through there. Lots of metal. Especially the part that had an avalanche happen and fell down. Broke all that stuff out of the ground already." [Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children cinematic and Sector 7 collapse.]
"Okay," Tightniks says, "Let's do that."
5h32m02s: Zone 21, 2042 pop, 14.9s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from-" he gasps, "Waitamint!" He starts searching for the portal pad.
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
The human has his portal pad up and reads aloud, "You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to- yada yada yada. Tiss tiss t- complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling- miners will re-unlock."
\BOOM\** They turn to see (another of) the white brown-haired trimp'/s' attempts at a metallurgical furnace explode, and it seems both very frustrated and has really hurt its toe.
He snaps his fingers, "That's gotta be it. Although, does it mean 'miners' or 'furnaces'?" He re-reads the portal pad while the scientists shrug.
"Shijou," the grey one has just finished tracing the route map the gem was showing.
"Are we going any faster than on previous cycles, you think?" he asks Red.
"What's a cycle?" Red asks.
"We're stuck in time loop, you realize?" the human says.
"Well," the yellow one jumps off a little rock spire it was using to see farther ahead, directly into a seated position on the ground with an impressive thump the human can both hear with his ears and feel through the ground of the more-than-Earth gravity planet, "that explains a few things." The little scientist trimp seems quite morose at the news.
"This thing says the fastest we've ever got this 'anger' map done is ten hours, thirty-five, but the clock right now is at five hours, thirty-four." Tightniks tilts his head, frowns one eyebrow, and taps, "Getting it done faster increases attack damage somehow, and oh-"
"What now?" the yellow one asks, still seated beside the spire.
"It says we already got a 2.5%-er for having a million traps," the human says, "I don't remember doing that. Maybe..." he sighs, "Maybe that's a good thing, 'cus I'd probably go insane building them all. Still though, it says we're going faster, but it doesn't feel like it."
"How'd you know how it feels," Red asks, "if you don't remember it?"
"'Day jaw voo' I think is the term," the human says, "or something. The sense that all this has happened before, but I'm not quite remembering and there's no physical evidence of it."
"Shijooooooooooo..." the grey one moans, waving a card at him. On it:
"In order, but we don't know if that means chronological order or frequency/proportion of memories:
"- The ship crashes (pretty sure that happens every time) "- The human builds huts "- The human teaches some trimps to speak and do science "- The human builds houses "- The human makes maps "- The human builds mansions "- The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp "- The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels "- The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp "- The human only recently/rarely mapped the Dimension of Anger"
Tightniks sits down and offers it back.
"Tai," it flatly refuses to take it back, paws up and eyes closed.
"It's kind of a relief," Tightniks rubs his temples, then looks at it again, "knowing it ain't just me."
6h17m43s: Portal PB, 1% AP for sub-8h, 45 He, 7.149 He/hr, 2209 pop, 13.6s RC.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' dagger points goes into it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Yellow, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Dagger V, Mark 2 with both hands-
Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, the pilot turns on the radar for the final approach and takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and primary flight display...
He crouches, sets the dagger down gently, then starts clearing the debris from the box's grab iron. He tries to lift it- Damn, this is heavy! As he gets it turned over, gravity finishes the job, and it shakes the ground with an impressive thud as it falls right side up.
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE UP" There's a square cutout in the middle of one side of it, with a sliding cover at the bottom of it.
"Get the pad!" he screams, seeing that his scientists are almost done rolling up the megablimp.
The grey one already has the survival data pad and offers it to him.
"The big one," Tightniks clarifies, "The big one." he picks up wide flat rainbow cable and its edge socket in one hand, "It goes here," he points at it with the other. "It must have come with me-" He had taken the small survival data pad and notices something, "Oh?" He starts looking around, "Hey!"
The white trimp with the brown hair is napping in a hole next to the smouldering remains of its latest attempt at a smelting furnace.
"Hey, mining buddy!" he whistles at it, "Mining buddy!"
It wakes with a start and rushes over, but doesn't seem to be in a good mood. But as soon as Tightnik shows it the survival pad, with all of the mining data installed just as if all those broken data cards and scorched scrolls were intact when he found them, fireworks goes off in the little trimp's eyes and it rushes off with the pad. Within minutes, the first furnace that works is chugging away at some ore and it returns to give the survival data pad back to Tightniks.
7h24m49s: Fresh turkimp; 7h25m30s: Labor reallocated.
The big-eared green lumber foreman's mood fell much further than the mining foreman's mood was before Tightniks packed up the turkimp roaster and moved just about everyone over to the smeltery.
The brown-haired, big-tailed white mining foreman was surprised at the change, and very happy. It had climbed up onto the helium compressor cart to check something on the pad a couple cells into the zone.
"Are you upset with me?" the red one asks the human.
"No, not at all," Tightniks says, "Are you getting the feeling that we had an upset at this point last cycle?"
"How would you know it was only the last?" Yellow asks, "Your memory's no better than ours."
"Right," the human sews another patch into his uniform, "However, I've only actually hit the switch on the portal twice, the first one on a challenge called Discipline, and the second on a challenge called Metal, which we just finished. It's easy to sort out from the statistics. I'm nervous it'll get harder to sort out when we're up to, oh," done fixing his uniform, he pops a bit of turkimp into his mouth and chews a couple times, "a few dozen or hundred manual cycles."
"Friggin' solve this faster than that, please," Red grumbles, "I know the emergency counter got to nearly a thousand, but..." he kinda trails off. Finally, he says, "I think we're remembering more cycle to cycle as we get more helium into it. I mean, I'm glad that isn't the only mechanic."
"Can't miss the supernova if it is," the human ponders.
"What?" Yellow chuckles.
"I'm remembering something from before all this, I think it was called a video game, where you'd go forward real-world in the simulation of a time loop, and your real-life head remembering what you did on previous cycles was the only mechanic," the human takes another bite, then dons his uniform shirt while chewing it. After his head pops out of the not-so-crisp-and-fresh uniform neck hole, buttons still done up, he finishes, "one of them had a supernova." [That would be Outer Wilds among the bunch of games with this mechanic, er, Minnit (I know it's spelled differently than "minute"), 12 Minutes, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and- ...I'm sure there are more.]
11h19m28s: Starting void 1 (L30).
With the thermal gloves on, Tightniks gets the void map into the portal device slot. It dematerializes and his fingers close where it used to be in his hands, then he yelps, stands up and starts dancing, "Oh crap, it's cold!" He quickly starts looking for stuff to bundle up. Once not too uncomfortable, he notices something, "You're having trouble, too?"
"No," Yellow and Red look at each other, "Well, not with the cold; this route has a poisonous atmosphere, slows down our young assimilating aluminum at the proper rate."
"Manning the traps will work at full speed, right?" Tightniks says.
"Should if your fingers can handle it," Red confirms.
11h33m57s: Void 1c100.
"You are one ugly muthaf[garble]!" he says when he sees the void boss, "Stay here, I'll be back." Runs some traps, grabs a couple helmets for the fresh volunteers, "Put these on."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the red one, really rather perplexed.
"I agree, that's not his usual accent," Red tilts his head, "Tightniks, what has gotten in to you?"
"Stop cheering me up," the human grumbles, "You think this is the real Quaid?"
"I think the cold is affecting him more than he realizes," Yellow offers.
"Phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range," but what the dizzy pilot actually throws at the zone boss is a Mace V-4, "and then I was thinking of breaking your neck."
[Felt like some- "Arnie? Well, the union is pulling out all the big guns today, huh?" (Tom Hanks as Sully) ...no, brain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, not Arnie Gentile (it was really funny to background Sully and listen to that line instead of "That's definitely you" in Terminator 2 while he's posing with the Minigun.) Arnie lines from Predator, Terminator 2, True Lies, Total Recall and The Terminator.]
"Tweak the portal," reads Tightniks from the portal controller aloud, but quietly, "to bring you to an alternate reality, where Trimps are bigger and stronger, to force yourself to figure out a way to build larger housing. Your Trimps will gather 50% more resources, but your housing will fit 50% fewer Trimps. If you complete The Dimension of Anger without disabling the challenge, your stats will return to normal."
"You will also open a new memory coolant unit," Yellow reads, "You think that'll cause a housing bonus?"
"Shijou," the grey one hands him a card saying "We have enough for another gateway."
"Oh, good," Tightniks hands it back after signing it, "Yes, build it."
"We're doing that next?" Yellow asks.
Tightniks sees the little fellow sitting on top of a mound that the human thought was a bowel movement pile from Draglimp, but it must be something more geological if trimps can climb it, let alone want to. "Yeah, I guess," the human answers, "It kinda scares me, I mean I'm going back, but what happens to you guys?"
"We have too much day javo or whatever you called it," Red says. He's usually on all fours, shakes his left hind leg as though something got stuck to his foot, "This isn't incrementing, I'm sure. 13 is less than 956."
"According to this, you'll be twice as big," Tightniks sets down the portal controller pad and stands up from the cart, "It's hard to imagine, especially for Shijou and Diggy. We'll clear thirty-six, that's it."
14h04m37s: Z33c95, IC.
"Are you sure we can make Zone 37 start?" the red one asks.
The yellow one is standing on Red's shoulders.
"It said we did last time," Tightniks taps on the crude leather bag strapped to his back, the portal pad inside it, "though maybe..." he tilts his head, rolls whatever he was sucking on in his mouth for a moment, "it just happened while I was building those traps. No, I'm sticking with that plan."
"If it's going to take that long," Red grinds its jaws sideways for a moment and lets its eyelids get lazy, frustration clear in its tone, "why do it again?"
"Because I've got a bad feeling about this 'Size' thing," Tightniks says, "it drops our resourcing by 75% assuming we build the same amount of housing as before, which we won't because of the reduced resourcing. We needed 65 capacity in the cabin and huts before we could do run the gypsum/paper wall machine we found. I have a funny feeling that never changes."
"We don't need 65 trimps to run it," Yellow says, "just three."
"Yeah," Tightniks says, "but a particular three that know what they're doing, and my day javoo is telling me the last of those is always the sixty-fifth."
"Shijou," the grey one moans from the other side of Tightniks. Didn't have a note this time, just kicking a little rock along as it walks.
"It thinks you're right," the red one growls forlornly, "Hating to say it, but I do too."
14h16m06s: Skel in c1, 50 bones purchased whipimp.
There's a thump at the cart, and then some commotion around it that's noticable enough for Tightniks to come over and take a look. The bone box is empty, all forty-nine titanium bones in it are gone. Tightiks brings his right hand up in front of him, and it's just a balled fist, the bone he was holding a moment ago is gone. As he starts looking for where he must have dropped it, he realizes maybe it's all related. Looking in the bottom of the empty bone box, he finds a note.
"I got you the whipimp. This new Bad Guy will begin spawning in your next zone at an average of 3 spawns per 100 enemies. I hope it helps, but I can't tell yet."
The note is in Tightniks' own handwriting, although lazy but with more consistent kerning. Is this from an older version of myself? Friggin' time travel.
14h18m48s: This L34 moun 160/27/79 calls itself "Magical Mountain" - I can't remember whether the Disney trademark is that or "Magic Mountain" ...I've seen a "Black Mesa" before, that's a Half-Life thing, and somebody on Reddit made pretend that "Dank Hill" was a King of the Hill thing (which is actually *Hank Hill, I think - it's hard to remember, it wasn't very good and I haven't watched it since the 1990s.)
19h32m00s: Doom/AT, 12816 pop, 80N, 37.7s RC with Z34/5298.
"Okay, we got that friggin' thing chocked," Yellow wipes its brow and almost bonks itself with the Mace VI-2 that it's holding, puts it down and makes sure the wedges are secure.
Grey, Red, and Green are packing more stuff around the huge boulder that chased them down a tunnel to make sure it doesn't do that again.
"Getting any day javoo?" Tightniks pants, hands on his knees, but apparently uninjured, or nearly so.
"Not at all," Yellow vehemently responds, slashing the air with its paw, "You?"
"Oh," Tightniks gets his breathing under control, "I think it was a human movie."
"Like a video on that pad?" it gestures at the human's pocket with the small one.
"No, a bigger screen," the human says.
"Fifty-five inches?" the trimp scientist chuckles.
"More like fifty-five feet," the human rubs the sweat out of his eyes, "Lots of people watching. It was called a sin."
"Ah," the trimp ponders, "Like a crime, vice, psychopathy or bad habit?"
"Er..." the human taps his forehead trying to remember, "Sorry, a cinema."
[The whole thing is obviously an homage to something I remember only slightly better than Tightniks, I think it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. As I'm posting this, I sadly realize that Nick Rekieta's arrest was between when I wrote this and now.]
19h58m55s: Zone 37, 473 He, 23.67 He/hr, 13088 pop, 81N, 32.1s RC with Z34/5298, 2806 pop short, no turkimp.
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...

Air. Water. Earth. Fire. My house's maester used to tell me stories about the old days, about the Dawn Age, the Age of Heroes, the Coming of the Andals, the Age of Valyria and about The Seven Divided Kingdoms, a time of war when the Starks Kings of the North, the Arryn Kings of the Vale and the Mountain, the Hoares Kings of the Islands and the Rivers, the Lannisters Kings of the Rock, the Gardeners Kings of the Reach, and the Nymeros-Martells of Dorne fought each other for lands and pride. But that all changed when House Targaryen attacked. Only Aegon the Conqueror with his sister-wives unified Westeros under one banner. Only they, and their dragons could stop the ruthless wars. But when the world was finally at peace, their descendents have gone mad. Three hundred years have passed and the most powerful Dinastía of Westeros no longer exists. Eighteen years ago, Lord Robert Baratheon and the Houses of Stark, Arryn and Tully rose in rebellion against Aerys II the Mad King, ending the kingship of House Targaryen over the Seven Kingdoms. Some people believe that the blood of the dragon run dried when the rubies from Prince Rhaegar's chestplate fell into the Trident after the mighty crush of Lord Robert's warhammer, and that their bloodline was over. But I haven't lost hope. I still believe that somehow, the House of the Dragon will return from the ashes of dragonfire, but until then, this is the story of the last sons of Valyria.
So, this is a fanfic about the History of Westeros if they had the bending system of Avatar: The Last Airbender, but I'm struggling with Dorne and I need some help.
Northerners, Riverlanders and Ironborns are Waterbenders, the North being more like the Southern Water Tribe, with less resources, the Riverlands being the Northern Water Tribe and the Iron Islands being more like the "Fifth Nation".
The Valesmen and Stormlanders are Airbenders, also Robert moving his warhammer as nimble as Aang using his staff would be great.
The Reachmen and the Westerlanders are Earthbenders, Tywin may not sh¡t gold, but it would be amazing to watching him bend gold.
The problem is Dorne, after the marriage with the Targaryen House Martell will become firebenders, but before? And the commonfolk? That is the problem... Dorne have more influence of the Roynars, and would make sense for them to be waterbender rather than just firebenders, but letting them be Earthbenders would be great, because of the sandbender and their guerrilla warfare, and I also wanted to keep firebending for only House Targaryen.
For the crownlands I was divided, after all, they were both part of the Stormlands and Riverlands, perhaps I should do them Airbenders to equal the elements, the upper left of Westeros would be Waterbenders (North, Riverlands and Iron Islands), the right middle would be Aribenders (Vale, Crownlands and Stormlands), letting the remaining kingdoms as Earthbenders (Westerlands, Reach and Dorne), but considering I'm struggling with Dorne I'm not sure, and perhaps I should stay with an Aribending Crownlands, after all, they were part of the Stormlands before Harren the Black took land away from Argilac.
This is the fanfic that served of inspiration, it is short, but I love it, you should try it: - Title: Water, Earth, Fire, Air - Author: Rolling Mist 13 - Rating: M - Language: English - Length: +13k words / 5 chapters - Status: Unfinished, Last Updated on Nov 8, 2020 - Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13504217/1/Water-Earth-Fire-Air

From childhood to college to working years and unto death, women are increasingly favored over men for at least the past few decades in America. And not enough people realize this will come with significant costs and downsides to America as we age.
1.)
Teachers give higher grades to girls than to boys with the same academic ability. And the bias is evident across different types of schools and for different teacher characteristics, suggesting teachers are hard-wired to give girls higher marks. The size of the gap is considerable and could have significant long-term consequences, both on college admission and employment prospects:
Researchers compared the results of standardized anonymous tests taken by almost 40,000 15 and 16-year-olds in language and math with the grades the same students were awarded in classroom tests. While the results of the anonymous tests followed the expected pattern, with girls outperforming boys in languages and boys doing better in math, in the non-anonymous classroom tests the girls scored higher in both subjects.
And the disparity could mean the difference between boys getting a pass and a fail in some subjects.
The average grade for girls in language was 6.6 out of 10, compared with 6.2 for boys, and in math it was 6.3 for girls and 5.9 for boys, just under the pass mark of 6.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01425692.2022.2122942
https://www.forbes.com/sites/nickmorrison/2022/10/17/teachers-are-hard-wired-to-give-girls-better-grades-study-says/?sh=7f95fbef70a6
2.)
For the class of 2022, women comprised 58.6% of all bachelor degrees.
For the class of 2022, women comprised 57% of doctorate and professional degrees. As we know, people who have degrees tend to make more money, widening the growing pay gap between men and women.
https://educationdata.org/number-of-college-graduates
3.)
Working women already earn more than men on average, per hour:
The New York, Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles metropolitan areas are among the cities where young women are earning the most relative to young men. In both the New York and Washington metro areas, young women earn 102% of what young men earn when examining median annual earnings among full-time, year-round workers…
However, even among full-time, year-round workers, men and women devote DIFFERENT amounts of time to work. Men under 30 usually work 44 hours per week, on average, compared with 42 hours among young women.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/03/28/young-women-are-out-earning-young-men-in-several-u-s-cities/
In healthcare, at least 53.7% of the next generation of doctors are all women. One medical school even BOASTED about the fact that OVER 65% of its student doctors were female.
Please also keep in mind: 22% of women doctors choose to work part time, and 9% of male doctors choose part time. This only exacerbates the doctor shortage in America, as the field continues to grow in favor of a female ratio.
Other healthcare jobs with good pay are dominated by women:
87% of all registered nurses are women.
88.8% of nurse practitioners and 78% of physician assistant students are women (average 130K salary).
https://www.ama-assn.org/education/medical-school-diversity/women-medical-schools-dig-latest-record-breaking-numbers
4.)
Women are living longer and longer than men.
As life expectancy at birth in the US decreased for the second consecutive year, from 78.8 years (2019) to 77.0 years (2020) and 76.1 years (2021), the gap between women and men widened to 5.8 years, its LARGEST since 1996 and an INCREASE from a low of 4.8 years in 2010.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2811338#:~:text=As%20life%20expectancy%20at%20birth,of%204.8%20years%20in%202010.
5.)
Healthcare funding is heavily slanted towards women. Example:
The NIH spending for prostate cancer in 2015 was US$288 million, which is LESS THAN HALF that for breast cancer…The difference between public funding and disease burden is even more striking in the case of COPD: NIH invested a mere US$97 million, almost SEVEN TIMES LESS than for breast cancer, although COPD killed 292,000 Americans, SIX TIMES MORE than breast cancer.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2811338#:~:text=As%20life%20expectancy%20at%20birth,of%204.8%20years%20in%202010.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5836059/#:~:text=The%20NIH%20spending%20for%20prostate,43%2C000%20people%20died%20from%20it.

I've known this guy since kindergarten, and everyone used to say we'd make such a great couple. We lost contact in middle school (he started homeschooling), until this year when we reconnected through a mutual friend. Now that we're both 18 and finished with high school, we've had a lot of time to hang out. We have a lot of similar interests and ideas, and he's cute, too, so I easily developed a little crush on him. A little while ago I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said yes!!
Now we're actually trying to figure out how our first date should go. I've googled first date ideas and a lot of them seem good but most of them seem directed to couples who are either getting to know each other or are pretty far into romance. We know each other well, but I don't think we're ready for like, cuddling or anything?I'm a huge sap for cheesy romance stories, so I really want to take this slow. Besides, how often do you get the chance to go out with a childhood friend like this? I don't know if he feels the same in that respect, but he's probably fine not rushing into this. He's kind of traditional in that way, but I like that about him.
I need an activity that isn't completely reliant on chatting with each other. I don't think something like bowling or mini golf is good for a first date? Maybe later. I don't know if a movie would be good. We both kind of have the same view on the declining quality of cinema, but whatever.
Advice, ideas, and personal anecdotes are appreciated!

I don’t know where else to say this. No one believes me, no one that hasn’t seen it already. But I have to say something so here it is and the world can decide.
I was a good worker. I showed up for my shifts and did what my written job description said, never missed a day or a chance for a day off. My goal was to be average, to not be good enough to noticed and given more responsibilities, but also not be bad enough to be noticed and put on watch. It’s what I’ve done all my life. Fly under the radar, be easily missed during inspections and blend into the crowd. I got B’s in school, had no intention of going to college or university, not like I’d ever be able to afford it, just wanted a secure job to let me afford my underachieving lifestyle. Took me almost ten years to find something like that, drifitng from one job to another, leaving when too many people started to notice I was much better at the job than I let on.
And eventually I found the perfect fit for myself. I was an overnight security operator, don’t get excited it’s a fancy title for spending all night watching security monitors, for a commuter train. I can’t say which one or where for the safety of others and myself. The job was simple, watch the camera feeds of my designated train and write a report for anything unusual. On a rare occasion make a statement to the police, and I mean rare occasion. In my five years doing that job I spoke to the police maybe twice before the incident.
I think that’s enough background so onto the point. It was a regular Thursday night, shift started at 10pm, working with Larry, Bob, and Sue (not their real names for their safety and more importantly, mine) watching the cameras. Made some notes, forgotten umbrella (wasn’t raining), camera glitch, group of 4 drunk men, person in hoodie doing the drug addict lean (you know the one). The camera glitch was expected, an extension to the rail line was recently completed which included a very long tunnel through a hill side, which about the middle of it was so deep that the cameras would cut out for about 2-3 seconds. It was actually pretty amazing that we got any signal from the trains in the tunnel at all. The wonders of signal boosters. But something about that night caught my attention. I didn’t know what it was at first, just felt something was off. I ignored it that night because at 3 am, everything feels weird. At the end of the shift, about 930am I made my report for the night, handed the desk over to Bill (again, not their real name) and went home on the same train system I monitored.
But the feeling was still in my head. Something happened on the train that night that I wasn’t consciously aware of. I ignored it still, drank my favorite cheap whiskey and went to bed. The feeling stayed with me the next few days. That damned feeling that you know something isn’t right but you can’t figure out. It’s like when you accidently put your phone in a different pocket than normal. So finally on Monday night (you have no idea how busy security monitors get on weekends) when my trains were in the depot getting cleaned I brought up the Thursday night footage and scrolled through it. Same things I made note of were there but the feeling was still there. So I went through it again. And again. The fifth time through I finally found it.
On the third wagon, almost in the blindspot between the cameras, at 2:58am was a regular person just playing a game on their phone. The camera glitched for 2 seconds, and they were gone. I though maybe they just moved completely into the blindspot but no, they were gone. Didn’t get off the train, didn’t reappear. I checked the entire recording of the night. I had no idea what to do. I should have told someone, or made a report, or anything. Instead, I told myself that was really weird and kept doing my thing. Flying under the radar, trying to be mostly invisible.
Two weeks later on Monday night, I saw it again. The camera glitch, and someone disappearing. I scrolled back the footage to make sure. Again, I did nothing. This time telling myself it was just shadows on the lense or the plastic bubble around the camera was dirty. But you know what they say; once is odd, twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. The third time I did something. I made a report. Yeah, real brave i know. Making a comment about “shadows on the lense after tunnel glitch” on my daily report. But that night I started looking into missing people cases. Larry asked what I was doing, I said reading the news while my train was getting cleaned. Better than Bob, who was usually watching youtube and/or playing games on his phone while his train was still making rounds.
Anyways, I found some leads. 3 missing people, last seen heading to the public commuter train before disappearing. But there were more, so many more. Dozens over the past several years, all last seen heading into the area above the new tunnel. Unsurprisingly, they had all been alone at the time.
I won’t go into detail about how this troubled me for nearly a year. Just know that eventually curiosity got its way. On a night off I got my jacket and went out to a train station. Late spring night, a bit colder than prefered, 2am train. The last circuit before this train would make for the depot for maintenance. And I was on it. It would take nearly an hour to reach the tunnel and I was scared but I had to know. Like all those times you watch or read some horror and the character starts reaching for the obviously dangerous thing, you mock them endlessly but I understood now. Fear of the unknown is strong and just seeing what is obviously evil will help you put it out of your mind. But I knew the rules. Be ready to run, have two exits planned, don’t look back.
I sat near the door because I didn’t want to stand the whole time. And when the train finally barreled into the tunnel I started to regret my choice. It was nearly a mile long and just enough room for the train and a very brave worker on each side. I watched my watch 2:59am and ticking closer to 3am. Tick, tick, tick. Who knew a twenty year old analog watch could be so ominous? But then my watch stopped. I looked out the windows and the train had stopped. Not rolled to a stop like trains need to do, just complete dead stop and I didn’t notice. But the lights on the walls were stretched out, the effect that you can only see when you’re moving past them really fast in the dark. My first thought, being a sci-fi fan was that time stopped, yet I moved.
Then I heard a scream and footsteps at the end of the train behind me. I thought about the rules of survival I made and then thought about time being stopped, would the doors open? WOuld I be safe jumping from the train? I’ve seen what happens when someone gets clipped by a train (one of the reasons I had to speak to police) and it’s messy. I heard another scream, desperate and afraid, then the sound of someone tumbling to the floor and something scratching over the floor. A phone bounced off my foot and spun to a stop in front of me. I looked down at it as the screams behind mean grew more horrified and pained. I dared a look at the window to see the reflection of what was happening. And the best I can say is smoke pouring over someone but it was completely shredding the person like a blender but not making a noise and vacuuming up the shreds. Some mental fortitude I didn’t know about kept me from puking and stock still. The screams eventually came to a wet gurgling end and in the reflection I saw a pair of lights flick on in the smoke. Looking back they were eyes but in the moment they were two neon blue lights looking at the window, then making eye contact with me in the reflection. I held my breath.
The smoke soundlessly glided up the aisle and I kept still, not moving at all, keeping my eyes exactly were they were focused before. It drifted closer and closer to me and by god I wanted to cry. It hovered there letting me catch a scent and I want to say it smelled like something burning, or like rot and death, or anything bad. But it was worse, so much worse. It smelled like cooked pork, lightly burnt. It hovered for what felt like hours beside me, I was desperate for air, my eyes were burning from not blinking and those neon lights were staring into my soul. Then the train wobbled as it passed a bend. I have no idea when the thing disappeared or when time resumed, felt like I blacked out for a moment but I know that's not what it was.
I sat there in my seat blinking and breathing deeply to recover. And then I looked down. The phone was still on the floor near my feet. I left it there but I kept staring at it, like when you notice broken glass on the ground and focus on it so you can avoid stepping in it. At the next station i got off the train and went to an always open fast food place. I got a coffee and started writing this. It would be two hours until a train back towards my apartment, one that takes the old long route around the tunnel.
I didn't sleep that day. How could I after watching someone get shredded and devoured? So I sat at my PC and wandered through my games library all day. Think I fell asleep a couple times for maybe an hour. Next night I went to work like normal, focused on my usual behavior. But after two hours I was called into my supervisor's office.
It was relatively normal, they check in with night shift people every few months to make sure we're doing okay. See if we want to change to day shift for mental health. Was all normal until he put his clipboard down and off to the side. He took a deep breath and looked at me, like really looked. That deep penetrating look when someone can see through your lies.
“You saw it.” He said. Three simple words that felt like he was telling me I had a fatal incurable illness. I just nodded. “You have two choices now. Like all of us that know. Either you leave and find a new job and never speak of the incident because you will be a suspect in the disappearance; or you keep doing your job as you always have but with a raise to ignore the camera glitches.” I sat for a while assuming I had to make a choice then and there.
That conversation has been burned into my brain. I still remember it verbatim. And I wish I could say I made the morally correct choice. But I'm an underachieving coward always looking to take the easy path. So I still watch the cameras through the night, but with some extra money to ignore the occasional camera glitch on the extension. I found out accidentally that Larry and Sue also knew about the incidents and made the same choice I did. And we all knew the same amount of nothing and we prefer it that way.
So that's why I'm putting this out there. Maybe someday someone better than me can figure this out.
I still can't eat pork.

Disclaimer: this is an extremely long post with a lot of background information. If you wish to skip, please proceed to paragraph 7 lol
I was convicted in October of ‘23 for pandering. I spent 5 months in my county’s CBCF as a result of the charge and have been placed on probation for 2 years but could be let off sooner. However, the 22 videos and 44 images that I dreadfully downloaded happened back in October of ‘21.
To make another extremely long story short, this happened due to the end of my 2 year marriage that resulted in infidelity on both ends (I was 20 and she was 18 when we got married) and I decided to cope in the worst ways possible. Alcohol binges, dating apps, porn, hook ups and steroids. I believe the steroids that I took were a huge contributing factor in terms of escalating the type of porn I was watching which inevitably led me down a rabbit hole over a 3 year span. However the illegal stuff was a very isolated time frame, less than a month, before realizing what I was doing was extremely wrong.
Not trying to make excuses, but during that time I was dating my soon to be baby mom and our relationship was extremely toxic and unhealthy. She ended up finding non illegal images of younger girls in my dropbox account in my files on my computer (I was completely unaware my phone was being backed up.) She obviously freaked, and I was very open and honest about things. It took a while for her to come around and understand, but we agreed that I were to get help. I did and it was very useful. As time went on, she would accuse me of looking at images still (I wasn’t) and would get mad if I watched porn at all (even though she did all the time) I was the only one who worked and I had to provide for her and her son. It was very difficult and I was constantly ridiculed. Every day I was in that relationship it was like walking on eggshells due to her threatening to expose me. I was trapped. Eventually I lost my job and while I was unemployed for a month is when I said “fuck it, if I’m going to get accused all the time I may as well escape from this hellhole somehow” and that’s when the illegal stuff happened.
I felt ashamed of myself and deleted everything I had off my phone (or so I thought). Months go by, we have our daughter, everything is fine until one night she goes through my phone while I was asleep because she thought I was cheating on her. I worked at a popular bar with lots of attractive girls. And honestly, I did cheat on her once and the evidence was there. But while she went through my phone, she found a couple deleted non illegal images that I deleted from my camera roll recently and a zip file in my “files” app on my phone that had a female name on it. I thought I deleted everything from my past but I forgot one thing. She then turns my phone in to the police while I was asleep and the investigation was underway.
I decide to contact a lawyer and move home with my parents. A couple days later, she stops by the house and we have a conversation and I tell her the truth about what I downloaded in the past. She regretted things immediately and wanted to move home with me and genuinely make things work. Well, since you’re reading this post, obviously things didn’t work out. We separated again after 3 months because of a fictional cultivated scenario of DV in my car where I ended up with more bruises on my face than her fake makeup bruise she painted on the day later. But because I was the drunk, big male passenger, I was charged and sent to jail. We didn’t speak to one another for 6 months then tried to make things work again when I took a plea deal for Assault because she threatened I wouldn’t see my daughter if I took things to trial. We dated for another 6 months, getting hotels and spending time as a family up until I was sentenced to CBCF. Mind you, this whole time her family and her friends and everyone on her social media didn’t know we were together since she plastered my case and me all over Facebook and Instagram, exaggerating everything. Saying I had hundreds of thousands of images and that I beat her up, all of which simply wasn’t true.
While I was in CBCF, we had phone calls and video visits for a month before finding out that she was already dating and living with another guy. I was heartbroken and it made my time in there difficult but eventually, I learned to let go and focus on healing myself. I took many classes in which I took very seriously and received great mental health treatment. I felt the happiest I had been in 7 years. I get out, I see my daughter and have breakfast with baby mom, and then things go south again. My case is plastered all over social media from people I went to high school with, containing all these outrageous claims and then my baby mom chimes in and puts out more false info.
So finally what I’m getting at, is how can I even think about trying to make new friends or even try to have a relationship with anyone? The people I thought were my friends stopped talking to me except for one. He’s my best friend and I’m very grateful for him. I’ve told him my story and he never judged once, he actually understood. I’m trying my best to restart my life, but I have so much anxiety doing so because of all the misinformation plastered everywhere on social media.
For instance, I met a couple girls a few weeks ago that bartend and I thought would be great recruits for my buddy’s restaurant that I’m helping open. We all become friends and last week I finally let one of the girls know I was interested in her since the other one told me that she thought I was hot. We agreed that it wasn’t going to be anything serious and just enjoy the summer with each other since she just got out of a relationship and wanted to focus on herself. Well, I’m assuming she somehow caught wind of things about me because today she asked “what’s your last name” I told her, despite nervously knowing where it was headed. I sent another text stating “I’m assuming I know why you’re asking, and to be honest I have no problem telling you the truth about things if you’re actually interested in knowing. If not, I totally understand”
No response. I check insta, she unfollowed me. Check snap, she deleted me.
I understand people’s decisions and have no problem with them. I can’t take things personally and can accept things for what they are. However, at night I really start to think about things and make myself upset because why won’t anyone let me tell them my side of the story? Not my “friends,” and not someone who I genuinely felt like I had a great connection with. I don’t plan on hiding who I am, but I at least want the person to know that I am a good human being who is working on themselves diligently before ever bringing up my past.
How would any of my fellow offenders tackle this, and how would you female supporters react to my situation? I’m trying my best to rebuild my life but the anxiety of it all can be crippling. Now I have to start over to square one, with my confidence reset back to 0 now that I’ve been ghosted.
I would consider myself to be an attractive man, solid 7.5-8. 5’11, 210lbs and very into fitness. I bust my ass at work, drive a nice vehicle, I’m compassionate, empathetic and emotionally mature thankfully because of therapy. I’m not trying to blow my own horn, but I would consider myself to be a high quality man. However, this conviction is a major blow to everything else I have going on for me. Any advice on how anyone believes I should go about my life would be greatly appreciated. This is all new to me, and it’s very frustrating to say the least.
Thank you all for your time in advance

Reading all the stories here has been really inspiring, it's one of the few subreddits that you can actually feel the love, and support for one another. I looked around at a few different "sober" subreddits and this one seemed like the best place for me, so I'll just dive right in.
Part I
I'm a guy that's almost 42, who had their first drink from a friend's liquor cabinet when I was 13 or 14. In high school it was pretty much drinking every other weekend somewhere, sometimes at my own house with my parents home. They were the "If you and your friends drink, no one can leave" kind of parents, which I don't know if that's good or bad anymore. Out of school I was always a beer guy who had quite a tolerance for being tall and skinny. Drinking was the norm through my 20's & 30's, living in a big "brewery town" made it socially acceptable for everyone to have a common interest in drinking .
It was fine for the most part, I've never had an addictive personality and drinking was mainly a social thing, especially in my 30's. I rarely bought beer from the store to drink it at the house. Hard liquor was never really my thing because it too easily put me over the edge to where I black out, get sick, ruin the night, etc. So I was the type of drinker who just had a beer with the boys, or a couple after a bike ride at the pub, or a couple PBRs while washing the car on a hot day.
I've done sober October a couple of years in a row which wasn't a big deal for me and I have never felt like I had a problem, or that I couldn't quit if I wanted (this is not a brag, I know many struggle). I did it again last October and then just kept it going because why not? I didn't drink up until April, where I had a couple of drinks with dinner a few times when I was living overseas. I told myself before I left that I wasn't going to leave Italy without having a glass of red wine with a Florentine steak; which I did. All in, I probably had 10 drinks spread over 3 months.
Now I'm back in the states and just have no motivation to drink at all. It's bad for me, disrupts my sleep (which I hold dear these days!), it's bloody expensive, etc. Even the inklings of "Maybe for X occasion", or "Just one, it's with an old friend!". Nope, sparkling soda & lime for me with the knowledge that I won't feel fuzzy tomorrow or wake up in the middle of the night for no reason. Done.
Part II
My sister is a different story..
If I'm the introverted quiet one, she's the extroverted, larger than life, center of attention seeker with a fierce addictive personality. When she drinks, it's never 1 or 2, it's until she's drunk, her husband drags her to bed, or there's nothing left to drink. It's not an every day thing for her, but it's enough where I'm always concerned when I know there will be booze & people around.
She knows I'm not drinking and respects it, but I know she wishes I was because we did have fun together. Now though, I can't stand to be around her when she's had any. I see the somewhat glazed-over look, the subtle speech differences, things only her brother would notice from 25 years of drinking together. If I was annoyed at her volume going up 2x with every White Claw before, now it's so unbearable that I have to leave.
I guess my question to you all is, how do you deal with similar situations? Being the sober one around drunk siblings, parents, friends? I can really feel my tolerance for drunk people slipping big time. My sister and I have always had a great relationship, we were both put through a lot growing up and it made us really strong. I feel like this new path is going to present some real challenges for us in the future. Do you all just find sober friends / social circles or remove yourself completely? Is this one of the hardest parts of sobriety? Thanks for listening.
​

Me (30) and my bestfriend Mary (31) have been friends for 8 years, during this friendship, Mary was aware that cheating on a relationship is a big no-no for me (as all decent people should). Even when I find out celebrities, colleagues or even people I don't know break up because of cheating, I get this bitter taste in my mouth. It's all because, all my life, my dad is a serial cheater and even now even after 34 years - he still is. It started when Mary and I worked together on a cruise ship for the first time in our years of working on different contracts - we finally got the same ship and same contract dates. She is already engaged by this time and will be married in a few months, so almost all the preparations are done. And since we are on a cruise ship and far away from our country, Mary and her fiance Mark (36) are on a long distance relationship. I can only imagine planning a wedding apart from your partner. I know it's been hard on her. Over the course of our 6 month contract together, she developed a lot of guy friends within the crew (people who work onboard the ship) since there are more guys who hangout on crew bars at night after our shift. I on the other hand don't drink so I just sleep early since I work 11 hrs a day everyday. Oftentimes, she goes back to our cabin drunk or sometimes with her new friends in the middle of the night, sometimes it will wake me, sometimes not, which being a crew member for a few years living with different kinds of roommates, i am used to it.
But one night, I cannot fall asleep because my partner and I had a fight and I was waiting for him to reply, i heard someone open the door and I heard a man's voice snickering(obviously trying to not make a noise) and Mary's shushing noise followed him. For context we live on a cabin with a bunk bed and I'm top bunk and I have curtains for privacy. Obviously they won't be able to tell if i'm awake or not. I then heard kissing noises and felt movements soon after - they were doing the deed. My gut fell and I wanted to be a mean nosy bitch and go down and ask them what they think they are doing but I just stopped myself, telling myself it's none of my business and that I can deal with her tomorrow.
The next day came and I talked to her - to cut the story short, she's been feeling sad and she's having cold feet. She felt loved and seen by this "guy" and when they talk he just makes her feel everything she will be giving up when she gets married. For context again, Mark is her first boyfriend and they'd been together for 10 years. She just feels that she has been missing out being with him for so long and said she "wanted to try some new things". I argued with her, that if this was the case, she should break up with Mark instead of sleeping around and cheating. I told her that if she gets married with these thoughts in her head, she would end up hurting Mark (plus there's no divorce in our country, only an annulment and it's hell to pay - not that it's an excuse just a sidenote haha). She said she would think about it and wait for the right time, but apparently - her thinking about it means she'll still sleep around with this guy.
I hate every bit of it, but she asked me not to say anything and to not ruin anything I am not a part of. I've known this guy as much as I know her, Mark, my boyfriend and I bond on music and biking and he is practically like a big brother to me. But, I also want to respect Mary's life and her decisions. I continue to be there for her, on her mental breakdowns and her bad days when she feels really bad with the things she has been doing. I advise her to do the right thing and tell him. But ishe asked me to promise not to tell, inside I feel so bad, because this is not what my convictions are telling me. I know I have to be honest and I feel that I'm betraying Mark by not telling him. And in a weird way, i feel that the trauma I had growing up with a father that cheats, now with a bestfriend who does the same thing is taking a toll on me. I actually got so anxious with this situation that I often zone-out, had no appetite and I actually lost a lot of weight.
Our contracts pass and we're about to go home in a few weeks and she's still sleeping with the guy and some others, still "thinking about it", still not letting go of Mark and still going through with the wedding preps. And she still begs me not to say anything. I cannot tell you how many times I drafted a message on my notepad composing what I will tell Mark. There were also times Mark messaged me and asked me why Mary seems so distant lately. The urge to say the truth is really hard to supress but because I love Mary so much I try to be understanding and wanted her to tell it directly to him so as not to humiliate their 10 year relationship.
Fast forward, I came home a week before her. Being back to the Philippines and seeing my mom waiting for me in the airport - so beautiful and kind and yet knowing how much she feels unloved by my dad made me snap. On that day I came home I sent a whatsapp message to Mary, "I'm telling Mark" and turned off my phone. I met up with Mark that same night and told him everything. He was dumbfounded, he was crying and we spent 5 hours on that coffee shop talking and just him on a roller coaster of anger, sadness and just plain pity on himself really. He really does love her. So much. My boyfriend and I took him home. He was just staring into space on the car ride home and I feel so bad and i had this lingering feeling that I know i did the right thing but i also caused pain.
When I woke up and turned on my phone I had a hundred of texts, missed calls and even emails saying that i answer the phone, that i'm an ungrateful friend, a backstabber, i am stupid and that i just wanted to see her fall because I'm jealous of her. She said she was planning to go home and confess to him directly so that she can reason with him to continue with the wedding despite the circumstance. She said that she had never seen this evil side of me and she pity me because there's nothing interesting going on in my life that I had to cause drama in other people's lives.
I felt worse. I haven't replied to her and it has been 3 weeks from then to today as of writing. I deactivated all my socials because i heard from a friend that she has been posting cryptic status online. They called it off and informed everybody on the guest list. I still receive e-mails from her to this day saying 'I hope you are happy' and 'You're not a hero, you're a villain.' Mark had messaged me saying thanks but thats about it. I think he is also off the grid and not talking to anyone. I feel so so bad and the way she reacted to me made me feel that I'm an asshole for telling, so am i?
P.S Sorry for the long story, I'm just really writing the way I feel about it as it is still so fresh.
And if you were able to read this Charlotte, just wanted to let you know that you have a lot of fans from the Philippines. <3 Keep up being such a great youtuber you are such a great company specially at times like this.

I guess I’m just here venting my feelings because life has been pretty hard lately and I don’t really have anywhere else to go with these thoughts at the moment. Feel free to stay if you can relate to my struggles, or don’t, the choice is yours. 99.9% of the time, it feels like I’m always wishing I could’ve been born into someone else, because I can’t stand how difficult my life has been made to be, and it just feels like too much of a burden to take on. I’m not sure if many other people here can relate to this feeling, but it feels as if I was born to just have a really insufferable and miserable life.
I was born gay, black (technically mixed but by a quarter), and not very good looking if I’m being honest. I grew up in the western US, and ever since I was about twelve, I was bullied for everything someone could be bullied for. The way that I looked, the way i spoke, being black, not being black enough, being occasionally (presumed) gay, etc. I just quite simply never fit anywhere and I was constantly reminded that I’m never good enough. I hated what I saw in the mirror so much to the point where I’d avoid every mirror possible and I would begin to feel resentment towards my family for birthing me into being at the absolute bottom of the social ladder. I know it’s not their fault that the world is the way it is and I do truly love them, but I just couldn’t stand the fact that my life was made incredibly difficult because I was born to them and not a more privileged family that could’ve provided me an easier life. Instead, I was given the burden of being born different in a society that just doesn’t like me for multiple reasons, and it’s now my job to completely change myself so that I can have a chance at a better life.
I spent a lot of time alone as a kid since I always felt insecure about myself, and I would work tirelessly to be more attractive, charming, and endearing so that others would treat me with kindness and respect. Instead of going outside and playing with others in the summer, I spent my summers doing what people now call “looksmaxxing”. I would stay out of the sun because I’d get picked on if I was “too dark”, spend everyday working out, grow my curly hair out to take attention away from my nose which I hated, practicing to hide my “gay voice”, and finding the coolest clothes to wear so people would be impressed with me by the next school year. I would never hang out with my school friends and never go out and just be a kid having fun like others did. I hated myself too much to do anything else because it felt like everyone else hated me or looked down on me for just existing. I just wanted to be someone that could have more in life, but it felt like I’d have to run myself into the ground trying to change enough to actually have a shot.
The sad thing is that this actually would work. With each year that went by in school I became closer to my goals. I was now about as light as Zendaya and more handsome. I hung out with the popular crowd beginning in freshman year of hs and started to feel better about myself because I started to gain recognition. All of this however took a turn when, long story short, I fell in love with my best friend since middle school and he turned on me in sophomore year due to him being closeted. He shut me out, and my other friends didn’t talk to me anymore because he was basically the leader of the popular kids. I switched schools in junior year and fell into a really deep depression that honestly I never fully healed from. I’m 22 now, and I’m honestly pretty messed up because I’ve had such a horrible childhood. I guess you could say I glew up dramatically in the years after hs, but only because I was bullied into basically becoming a different person, and I still feel the need to constantly change things about myself and obsess over my appearance. I don’t know how to get over the things I’ve been through and my life is still shitty today because of trauma and unfavorable circumstances I find myself in.
I see other people who are my same age or (even worse) younger, and I get extremely angry because they have lives that seem so much better than my own; Friendships, relationships, happiness that they didn’t have to slave away for. I envy the ease that life has provided them and the freedom they must feel, while I always feel caged and confined to a life of hardship because I’m me… and they’re them. I want my life to be different, but it feels like the life they have was never meant for someone like me, and I have to spend years of my life trying to be where they were born. It’s so frustrating, and it all just feels like too much to bare. I don’t really know what the point of me writing all of this was, maybe just me letting off steam or reaching out into the void, but If you’re still reading this thanks for sticking around till the end lol. If anyone has any words of encouragement, I could definitely use it right about now because I’m really struggling 😂

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

this skank bitch I’ve known for 4 yrs now actively treats me like shit, isolating me from our fucking friend group when I’m closer w them than her, gaslighting that I’m overreacting but she’s literally spreading shit about me n shittalking me like she’s in middle school, literally wtf

Long story short, long term relationship, knew we'd get married for a while, but we're from somewhere that doesn't do proposals. We've talked rings before and I know what she likes, but it was a "pick em out together" thing with no surprise element. I've been thinking about it, and honestly, why not. I wanna do it, and I know it'd make her happy.
Thing is, we're in a weird spot, we're both just finishing up grad school, so finances are tight. I could wait, but there are a few reasons that make the timing perfect.
Would it be weird to get something temporary? Knowing her the sentimental value would make it valuable regardless. I'm not talking a 20 dollar ring off amazon lol, but not going into the thousands. Is that something people do? I know she'll appreciate it, but I'm feeling a bit self-conscious telling her "this is just temporary".
Any advice? I'd appreciate some input on this, even better if you can guide me towards some ideas on what materials to go for in this case, I'm thinking of going simple but good quality instead of something that pretends to be fancy but falls apart lol.
Thanks a bunch! Appreciate it.

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

1. It is me Violet Roze and Hake On the Side plus Christopher Bailey 1.1 Ukrainian civilians resisting arrest are called code violet and they are snuck up on with me and chris with some M11 sniper rifle with me and chris and there is a telephone call to the house and we kill the personell in the house from the radioactive grass and move on the AMS village which 5 building are in the AMS village and there are only 2 guards here and we kill both of the guards with I shot one guard in the left femoral and right heart and middle aorta and head and shot the other guard in the right hepatic and the left lung and the neck windpipe and head. 1.2 We are moving on the AMS Chapel and there is a guard outside the chapel and two people in the chapel and I kill the guard with my M11 with a shot transverse left right to the brain and take out my USP .45 service pistol and kill the two people in the church with quick three shot bursts. 1.3 We are at the shipping crates where they are smoking weed and I kill the guard with a shot to the head head on waiting for head on and kill the two people in the gurney maze with a deserter from here which tells the tale and kill one person sneaking up on him, after throwing a rock from chris other side I shoot him from behind 1.4 We camp at the hedgerow and this is a great battle site later the hedgerow of chernobyl and I am at the south house and a parade goes past here of many russian vehicles but does not detect us until Whiskey-3 and Bravo-1 is here and Bravo-2 is here and we engage each APV with a javelin or AT-4 and take it out and we move on pripyat which Bravo-1 and Bravo-2 and Whiskey-3 and the rest of the marines evacuate and we keep moving on pripyat 1.5 We go to the pripyat school and it is deserted and set up in the bombed upper there is our nest 1.6 We are on a cabela's task to kill a buck deer near the amusement park 1.7 There are some russian forces at the amusment park who we have many sniper in this area and take out every russian in this area 1.8 We shoot at the deer but it is not killed and schwinn takes the second shot at the buck from my secondary loading and it kills the buck and it is some Murdoch's chernobyl buck 1.8 We recover stash evidence of burns ceremony at the foot of chernobyl.

Here’s mine. When I was in middle school I was terrified of the night like I would refuse to like take out the trash at night and stuff like that. Like whenever it was nighttime I would get super nervous It got so bad that I couldn’t sleep in my own room by myself so I would sneak into my parents bedroom at like 2am and sleep on the floor there. One night when before I opened their door my dad came out and told me to put on a hoodie and to come with him and we went on a walk to a park that was near by once we got there we just sat on a bench. I was terrified but slowly it started to go away and by the time we walked back I wasn’t scared anymore and I kind of like how quiet it was. Now nighttime is my favorite time of day.
Sorry for yapping