Short time cellulitis goal

Hi everybody. First, let me say that I'm (52f),My s/o(Jeff-52m)of 12 yrs. and my mom(75f) lead good lives, worked hard in our careers and we get along great. I became disabled from working after a 28 year career placing me on a fixed income in 2017. In mid 2019, Jeff received a great job offer doing body work on semi-trucks. By the end of 2019, the motor in Jeff's truck went out so we were contemplating buying a new truck (take out a loan) or replacing his motor because the truck body was in excellent shape. My mother, excited about Jeff's new opportunity, offered to use her 0% credit card for the $7,800 motor. We discussed us paying it back over time and she was on board to balance transfer as needed to continue the 0% offers. When Covid first hit the US in early 2020, Jeff was a mandatory worker and then eventually in 2021 was laid off due to parts shortages. While Jeff was collecting unemployment in late 2021, we received a shock. He came down with a terminal cancer diagnosis giving him 5 years to live. Jeff has gone through his esophagus being removed and chemotherapy. The cancer receded for a short time, but reared it's ugly head again 2 months ago. Jeff was never able to work again after they took his esophagus. He has approx. a year left with us. We have learned a lesson in losing everything. It's quite humbling and scary. I have worked hard to care for Jeff and maintain a roof over our heads. I am still making pymts. on mom's card, 100% on time pymts, but she is getting frustrated and is pushing me to sell the truck or beg another family member to pay it off. She brought it up to me 3 months ago and I offered to borrow against my life insurance policy but she refuses. I have every intention of selling the truck later and paying the loan off; I don't understand why she's pushing me so hard NOW when we're so vulnerable. My heart will not bring me to sell that truck while Jeff is still with us. I have never asked my mother for financial help before. I have always paid my way with my mom even though she's a millionaire. I know it's not her responsibility to help us. I'm angry because I need her patience now more than ever. I am asking all of you...Do I sell my vehicle to pay the remainder of Jeff's truck loan, do I stand up to my Mom to give me more time, or do I sell his truck and pay her off for good? Thank you all, in advance.....

I had met my ex some time ago, about 4 years ago already, and soon we got along well and started to escalate things, consequently, we started dating. We dated for almost two years, I think it was just a little over 4 months short of completing two years... two years being faithful to the same person. But even though I loved her very much, I couldn't continue with the relationship. She lived far away and it was taking a toll on me. I felt really bad on the day I told her everything... Honestly, she was the person I loved the most, and I still look for people who remind me of her, even unconsciously. The curly hair and the small lips along with that beautiful body... When I remember her and realize that we didn't work out, it makes me really sad because I wanted someone like her, someone who understood me, was affectionate, a little crazy like she was, haha. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about it, and I confess that I end up imagining a more favorable reality for us. I can live without her now, but I confess that it feels like a part of me stayed with her. Since we stopped talking, I became much more withdrawn, although I'm better now. I feel a sense of emptiness when I remember that we didn't work out, and also sadness knowing that she has had sexual relationships with someone else and has dated someone else. She was my first in everything, and foolishly, I thought we were really meant to be forever, even though I'm quite grounded.

My wife and I have long had a goal to retire from full time by 45 and switch to “fun” part time jobs such as working at the local ballpark part of the year.
Between us we make 250k a year, have 100k in stocks, 100k in other investments (mostly in my company as a was given chance to buy in but will be pulling my money soon and friend’s real estate biz), 150k total in 401k savings. I have a side hustle with friends (YouTube channel) that is growing so there is promise there but nets me about 5k a year for little work filming about things I enjoy anyways.
We’re currently saving 20% a year between 401k and investing. But anytime we run the numbers we know we aren’t going to be where we want by 45.
Our expenses between one car (one paid) and a house, plus all other items is $4000 plus a few thousand a year in vacations. We know we’ll need another car in a few years.
Yes I know easy answer is cut back on vacations but I’d rather live life now to a degree.
What can we do to accelerate? Is it shifting more to investments vs 401k? I see so many posts about million+ by 40 and even with our relatively high paying jobs I just don’t see how we could even come close to hitting that. Did you get a second job? More side hustles? Invest in things other than the market? I’ll have 60k im pulling from my company soon that I could invest elsewhere.
Hoping the YouTube thing goes from fun money each year to serious money but feels like we need to do something different to hit the big dollars in terms of savings.

Link to earlier post.
Before getting into the meat of this post, it needs to be remembered that the ex-Scientologists named here are actual victims of the Church of Scientology. Nothing in this post is meant to deny that fact.
However, let's remember too, those being attacked by Aaron Smith-Levin and their new brand of Scientology-style attacks, are also victims of Scientology.
The cruelty directed at Mike Rinder, Claire Headley, Tony Ortega, Chris Shelton, Leah Remini, Stefani Hutchinson, the Aftermath Foundation and those who speak out against SPTV's excesses are not justified. There has been a strain of "both sides" about this. Defending oneself against slander is not the same thing as initiating slander, which is how this all started. Telling the truth in response to SPTV creator attacks is not the same thing as a Fair Game campaign against them.
It doesn't bring me any joy to write these posts, but these things need to be known because the number of distortions and fabrications coming out of the SPTV creators is reaching a fever pitch and it needs to stop.
My earlier two posts focused mainly on Chrissie Bixler, Jane Doe 1 (from the Masterson trials) and Aaron Smith-Levin, all of whom have been working together in a tight, hidden conspiracy to attack anyone who could expose them or their agendas, and/or anyone who opposes their slanderous and vicious attacks. They are in fact acting as Scientology does, following L. Ron's directions to hunt those people down and attempt to ruin them.
Unfortunately, the SPTV cabal is not just these three mentioned above. There are others who have also jumped on this bandwagon of Scientology-like attacks. From the outside, none of these people's "content" is any different from what the Church of Scientology produces through its STAND League and other OSA-front group social media accounts. If OSA had a video channel, it would look almost exactly like SPTV.
So let's take a look at Serge Del Mar, formerly known as Serge Gil. If you Google "Serge Gil" you will find photos of him hanging around with the Mastersons and other VIP Scientologists as recently as November of 2014 at an art exhibit Serge participated in. This was while he was still in the cult, of course, but it sure is odd that he never mentions this.
Funny too that this group of "innocents" all have taken to going after whistle blowers who are out, and not admitting to anything they did while they were Scientologists and Sea Organisation members. Serge becomes visibly and loudly unhinged over the idea that Mike Rinder was once the head of OSA and therefore "must know" every single secret and crime ever perpetrated in Scientology. Yet he claims perfect innocence when it comes to his Scientology history. But how is that possible when he perpetuated Scientology's abuse on children in a much more direct and forceful way than Mike Rinder ever could: Serge audited children and was apparently paid handsomely for it. Auditing is, of course, Scientology's warped and twisted idea of counselling.
In this article from Tony Ortega, it reads: "In his Facebook post, Serge talked about the horror of having men admit to having sex with children, and being instructed to get even more information from such confessors, who were then simply charged even more [money] to 'handle' their paedophilia.
"We were made to sit in that Fort Harrison hotel day in and day out interrogating people to see what they had done. Our interviews were always closely watched [and] monitored by several ‘terminals.’ All the CSes [case supervisors] and tech ‘executives’ became willing in colluding and becoming 100 percent complicit with this sexually inappropriate environment for any one under the age of 18."
"Self-confessed paedophiles could just magically ‘address’ this behavior with auditing — all the while you were looking at ways to monetize at every opportunity' he says, accusing Scientology executives of looking for ways to turn confessions into more auditing and more money."
So who were these paedophiles and why aren't they being reported to the police? Why is Serge not talking about them? Why is he instead negating what he did and laughing about it in live streams with Nora, where they forgive and forget easily when it comes to their own bad behaviour in the cult. How come they get a free pass but no one else outside of SPTV does?
Serge engages in hypocrisy at a level that would put politicians and cult leaders to shame.
Recently, Serge added Leah Remini's name to his hit list by claiming Remini told him that she wanted nothing to do with helping children of the Sea Organisation. He actually said that about the woman who produced an the documentary series which gave Serge and the other "Scientology children" a voice on an international stage, something none of them were able to accomplish on their own.
Some facts from the past need to be brought forward.
First, it was Leah Remini who was trying to help all of the ex-Scientology "kids" to help find legal representation. This was the group Serge Del MaSerge Gil proclaimed he was the leader of, saying he was the "voice of many." He claimed he would be bringing the clients and the documentation to Kent's law firm.
Remini was introduced to Brian Kent by A&E. Right after the end of the Aftermath's finale, Kent's law firm was the only one willing to take on this massive case. Is A&E now going to be attacked by this group? Where are the tweets directed at A&E? Not that I am suggesting that. It is just to prove the facts here are consistently twisted to suit this group’s goal and it has nothing to do with exposing the crimes committed by Scientologists and Scientology.
This is about getting anyone who isn’t them.
Second and more importantly, it was Serge who then ran with this and gathered claimants for this case, and it was Serge that then introduced them all to Kent's firm. Christi Gordon was also working on this case. It was a noble effort. Leah, Serge and Christi did not do anything wrong,but somehow now Leah is a bad person for having tried to help.
Obviously, no one was aware at that time of what the future would hold for Jane Doe and Kent. No one still knows what happened with these cases - because Serge Del Mar was the ringleader. No mention of this from Alex the silly Wabbit. No mention of this from anyone. And obviously once Kent's law firm was hired, Leah and Mike would not have been privy to any privileged information about the cases.
Then Aaron and crew claim they uncovered this alleged crime committed by Kent? Kent isn’t being accused of crimes of child molestation, or of rape. He is being accused of unethical behaviour with an adult victim - and yes, that is bad enough. But it was Jane Doe in this case that had to summon the courage to file a confidential complaint. Aaron and his gang didn’t uncover and report anything. What they did do was compromise a bar investigation; they took credit for something they had nothing to do with. This is simply despicable behaviour. How this group has completely fabricated the facts of the investigation is beyond me.
They didn't even talk to the person who filed the complaint against Brian Kent. They were too busy stabbing her in the back, compromising her identity and forwarding a confidential document. Aaron conveniently didn’t mention this was a confidential investigation and document when he read it out to his audience. That's how Aaron makes a living.
Anyone continuing this story and celebrating these people are only doing so for other reasons that have nothing to do with the Jane Doe in this case. It is not only unfortunate that Jane Doe in this case had been harmed by Kent, but now these SPTV creators are harming her and her investigation too.
As a Scientology "activist," every action Serge claims he has taken against Scientology has been a major failure. If you step back and look at his track record, Serge has not accomplished a single thing against his former “church” of any significance, unless you count minutes of time shouting into a microphone at highest-ever decibels as 'activism.' It's not. It's just shouting into a microphone. He constantly claims that he has receipts, lawsuits are imminent, but with nothing forthcoming it sure seems as though Serge Del MaSerge Gil is nothing more than a con man looking for clicks for which he can profit.
Even more strangely, Serge's first attempt at fame was spending many years attacking former high-ranking Sea Organisation member Debbie Cook. Remember her? She was the one who got more people out of Scientology with her blistering 2011 New Year email than any former member before her. Debbie Cook was a whistle blower. And Serge seems to be going after those who did/do the work and are OUT of Scientology - excluding himself of course. Why not expose the crimes they covered up while they were in the cult? Aaron tearfully admitted to committing his own heinous crimes once, but somehow he is instantly forgiven.
Serge's criminal complaint against Scientology in Florida went nowhere and the investigation was dropped due to a lack of evidence. In fact, Serge told lies in his police filing, such as claiming that there are tunnels underneath The Fort Harrison Hotel (Scientology’s Clearwater Florida location) which are used to traffic Scientology children.
These days he goes on and on about "the hotels" where supposedly children are kept as sex slaves, a claim so preposterous even ex-Scientologists are fed up with hearing it.
Serge Del MaSerge Gil has promised to bring lawsuits against Scientology and continues to disseminate that he "has receipts" but again, not once has he ever been able to produce a shred of evidence or anything real. His incompetence and ineffectiveness are obvious, which is why the only way he can remain in the spotlight is to attack inwardly against the people who are getting the real work done.
For Serge (and the rest), it's the spotlight that is important, not the actual work.
Serge, Aaron, Chrissie Bixler, Jane Doe 1, Mike Brown, Miriam Francis, Nora Aames and the following are on a campaign to destroy their own credibility in the real world. One can only wonder if they are also getting a kick-back from Scientology.
Liz Gale has seemingly banished herself after being exposed and has all but disappeared, which of course is being blamed on RindeRemini/Hutchinson.
Christie Gordon too has disappeared from the SPTV Foundation board. Why hasn't she spoken up? Isn't she part of the crew demanding others own what they did? Why hasn't she done so when it comes to her own group's activities?
Joey Chait who was on board for the SPTV fake foundation, is now off too and no one knows why.
What has the Aftermath done? Helped people to get out of Scientology. That is the work.
What has SPTV Inc. done to help victims of Scientology? How about showing it? I have previously asked for evidence of any effective work and have yet to receive a response.
It's time for Serge (and the rest) to put up or shut up. If he or anyone in this group has real evidence of Scientology crimes, he has a solicitor and he can file a lawsuit in civil court or he can go back to the Clearwater Police and show them evidence of the crimes committed against him.
I'm not saying that crimes were not committed against Serge by others when he was in the Sea Org. But screaming into a microphone for hours isn't how to bring Scientology to justice. Screaming at law enforcement who have no idea what he is talking about with Flag and children is not helping anyone, nor is stalking and harassing Scientology's attorneys while Leah Remini's hearings are going on.
It looks an awful lot like the SPTV crew are trapped in some kind of victim complex and are high-conflict personalities.
So instead of more name calling, if Serge (or anyone in this group), "has receipts" that show that Mike Rinder is a criminal who is knowingly covering up his crimes in Scientology, produce them or shut up already. Rinder handed over his OSA documents. Aaron, by the way, took those documents under false pretenses, promised not to forward them and then did with the intent to harm Rinder and others. So instead of attacking Mike Rinder (the whistleblower here), where are the questions to the FBI for not acting on them? Where is the outrage for the documents that are authored by OSA personnel that are still in Scientology?
Personally, I'm sick of watching this crazy train go on and on without end just so some former Scientologists can try to appear altruist and inflate their egos for profit. Aren’t you all sick of the noise?
More to come.

I exercise about 3-4x a week but before this I was completely sedentary. I do weighted machines and the elliptical, collectively for an hour or so. I’m 25, 5’3” and weigh 127 but I have a small frame and mostly body fat due to being sedentary for years. I’m eating around 1,200 calories but go over by 100-300 about 15-20% of the time. I’ve gained about 4 pounds since beginning to work out, I really just started last month and it hasn’t been as consistent as I’d like but hopefully I’ve somehow managed to gain muscle already instead of 4 pounds of fat and water. Long story short, based on this; how much should I be eating to recomp? Is it possible in a calorie deficit, if so is mine okay or too low to gain muscle? Thanks so much for reading.

I’m sorry for this being long winded and coming off as a bit of a vent but I really need some opinions on this. There is a TLDR below though.
To cut a long story short, my brother somehow caught TB and was told to inform anyone who he had been in contact with. This included my mum as he had visited her a few days ago. I was at work when I got the call but I googled TB, the uk.gov website came up, which said as much as I expected, call your GP or 111. There were numbers to call but this was for PROFESSIONAL use only.
I told my mum to call the GP as that seemed like the most sensible option, plus she had been feeling hot and tired these past few days which line up the symptoms listed, to the point she even made an appointment prior (the day after my brother visited no less). They thought it was due to her pessary ring not being the right size as it was causing her discomfort (also it has been a bit hot these past few days so not ruling that out entirely ether).
She calls them and they say it’s nothing to do with them (???) and it’s to do with public health and that PH will get into contact with her (they didn’t explain how). But, to be fair to the receptionist and GP, they admitted this isn’t something they’ve dealt with before and did tell her to call 111 for an inquiry as this in an infectious disease which does correlate to what gov.uk said.
She proceeds to call 111 and told the respondent that she may have caught TB and was told by her GP to call 111. This respondent had the nerve to ask my mother “why are you wasting my time with this call, this isn’t an emergency” and basically scolded her on the phone and hung up. Now I would understand if this was 999 and my mum had called because that’s a line you call it if it’s a dire situation but its 111, the line your suppose to inquire about a serious issue, like TB. My mum phoned me in near tears because she embarrassed and was made to feel that she wasted valuable time.
I was fuming and I ended up ringing the GP myself and explained what had happened and made it clear what the policy is. Within 20 minutes she got an appointment for 2 weeks. Funnily enough she has a doctor’s appointment this week (the pessary ring change) and had asked in the first call maybe she could do a TB test then. They said no (understandable, it’s gyno appointment, not the doctors area of expertise) however when she mentioned it in the 2nd call (the one where they arranged an appointment with her) they told her that she should reschedule that appointment. This tells me that they didn’t take it seriously the first time round. What further compounds it is when my mum inquired to get it done sooner or if there was a private option, they hand waved her away, saying it’s “too convoluted and not worth the time.”
Now, I get the chances are very slim and that my mum, despite having symptoms that line up with TB, probably doesn’t have it. But the fact is that if it wasn’t for me wasting 20 minutes waiting in a phone queue to then have a short 5 minute call, she would have never gotten that appointment. I don’t like thinking about people who don’t have someone in their corner fighting for them. This isn’t even touching on how the 111 responder was not only in the wrong in terms of the guidelines but just the sheer unprofessionalism (a simple, “this is the wrong line” would have been more than acceptable even if incorrect). I completely understand why people don’t bother going to the doctors anymore if this is how they are treated, especially when you are trying to do the right thing and catch things early. It seems like acting in prudence when it comes to serious illnesses gets you punished rather than rewarded most times.
I am more than happy to accept if I’m in the wrong here, I’m almost hoping I am because if not, I’ll be seriously looking into private healthcare quite frankly.
TLDR: Should I complain about negligence/incompetence because my mum was refused a TB test until I phoned them and pointed out the guidelines and got an appointment almost immediately?

Hello! I am currently a third-year lifeguard at my local outdoor county pool/ aquatics facility during the summer and just recently got a job at the YMCA for the winter months.
Unfortunately, periods don't stop for work. For the past few years, I've just been wearing a pad when I work, and pray and hope to God that I don't have to jump in after anyone that day (I've had to 🥲), or that we don't do conditioning for in-service 😭 It gets very obnoxious, and I have to wear shorts all day to cover my pad. I would just suffer through the weeks that I do have my period with a pad, but now that I'm working year-round and full-time, it's just not sustainable anymore.
Unfortunately, AGAIN, I cannot wear tampons. Little TMI, but my cherry hasn't popped yet, and my body quite literally rejects the tampon and pushes it out when I try. It also hurts like HELL. I've never used a cup but sounds like I'll likely have the same results.
Now I've heard and tried doing some research on period swimwear, but I've never known anyone who's actually tried it. Does anyone here tried it and have any recommendations? Or in the same boat as me and have any alternatives/ suggestions? Or am I just gonna have to suck it up and learn how to use tampons/ see a doctor?
Thanks for reading this, and any words of advice are appreciated :)

Me: Wouldn't it be fun to wait to post this in the summer so you can say happy Christmas in July for once? Also me: that's a terrible joke. Just publish the thing.
Apologies for publishing in 2 parts. I'm not trying to drag it out I'm just aware this is the length of 2 episodes, reddit will only allow me 20 pics per post, and there's just too much going on for our beloved idiot in this one, so. I'm pacing myself.
It's not Christmas in July, it's Christmas 1919 at Downton and I spent an embarrassing amount of time wondering if Mr Fellowes really wants me to believe that the Crawleys decorated the Goliath of Christmas trees themselves (they didn't, but I like that Mary was sipping her tea and offering her view on things. Queen👑 ).
Plus, the setup for this episode intro had an actual checklist:
Tree? Check
Family arriving? Check
Violet judging this year's Christmas cards and looking for the contenders for worst cards of the year (they judge them on both content, and actual card)? Check
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Anna gets a gold heart brooch from Mary and Mrs Hughes is as excited about it as she is. Also, I can see the inspo for the entire Anna/Mary tag on AO3 right here. And Mrs Hughes ships it.
Just kidding, Bates is in prison, and we're all very sad.
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Carlisle is wondering why the Crawleys are being kind to their servants by letting them have some time off at lunchtime on Christmas Day, and I'm wondering if anyone (namely, us, the viewers) is supposed to be surprised by his behaviour.
I mean, blackmailing Lavinia just because? Blackmailing Mary into an engagement with him? Trying to manipulate Anna and Carson? Being physically abusive to Mary, and trying to control her life and behaviour? Bringing Lavinia back to "sacrifice" her to a lifetime as Matthew's nurse, so Mary won't spend that much time with Matthew (not because there was something off about that, just that Carlisle didn't want her to)?
He is an asshole. He was an asshole. He will always be an asshole. Glad we're finally all on the same page.
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Matthew and Mary are exchanging presents behind Robert's head in one scene and I'm very upset by it. Please, if anyone has any ideas, submit what you think they got each other for Christmas.
If you need any inspiration, here's what people would buy each other as presents in the 1920s according to the British Newspaper Archives:
Lots of cigarette paraphernalia Cocktails Banjos PENCILS Dance Frocks Shaving Kits Vacuum Cleaners
Keep that list in mind if you're disappointed with your presents next year.
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Matthew got a telephone call telling him that Mr Swire is very ill, and he will got to London to visit him. Mary gives him some condolences and he says "I'm sorry if I'm casting a gloom". I have a feeling the poor man had been pretty depressed for quite long, probably perked up a bit for Christmas and thought he was bringing the mood down again, but Mary responds with compassion. Oh Matthew.
Carlisle saw Mary go after Matthew in the hall, to ask about Mr Swire, and literally took his newspaper with him and followed her out there because that's completely normal behaviour. Just picture the ridiculousness of it: Mary and Matthew talking about Mr Swire and Bates' trial, romantic themes that they are, and Carlisle is so annoyed by it he's standing there in the background. Reading a newspaper, just to make sure they know he's still around (who could forget, mate).
Also, Mary saying she'll attend Bates' trial to support Anna, and Matthew immediately going "Would you like me to go with you?". Because of course he wants to support Mary in all things.
And this is Matthew's first villainous act for the episode: He asks Carlisle "or will YOU do that?" as in, since you're here, will you be supporting Mary in this endeavour.
Of course he isn't. Carlisle could never understand the concept of being there as emotional support for a Servant. He can't even understand why one would give a servant a few hours off on Christmas Day.
And just like that, Matthew scores one point in showcasing that Carlisle is a waste of space.
Matthew's Villainy points so far: 1
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Btw, Matthew has a few sets of looks reserved for Carlisle: Derision, derision, and more derision.
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They're playing charades (aka The Game), Mary is mimicking falling down, Matthew has a front row seat to it, and they're not playing on the same team so she can't rely on him to guess. Which means he can sit back and have the time of his life.
Carlisle complains about not liking the game and I'm left to wonder why he wanted that life so much since he could find nothing to enjoy in it.
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Mary IS still trying with him, however. He complains again on New Years Eve about the servants having some time off, and she reasons that it only happens twice a year, and he complains again that she doesn't understand because she didn't have to work for what she has.
Fellowes finally does the work on these two. I was having a conversation with another user recently, who was wondering why Mary picked Carlisle when she could have picked someone like Evelyn Napier.
Let's forget the Pamuk Scandal for a moment. Mary clearly wanted something more other than a traditional marriage. When we meet her, she's 21. She already has a husband in her pocket, if all she wanted was a position in society and a title, she'd have already been married to Patrick in 1912. But clearly, she wanted more out of life than to be someone's wife.
She wanted love, and she wanted to have something to do, whatever that was. She would have found both in Matthew, if things hadn't gone to complete shit, so why not consider Carlisle (back when he seemed normal)?
He was a working, self-made man, so he was interesting to her. He wasn't the run-of-the-mill rich boy she'd been exposed to her entire life, and if she married him she'd have a job in establishing him in London society and helping him build his empire. She'd Work, in short. She'd be allowed to use her brain.
But they don't match. At all. He offered her a marriage of convenience, and then was upset that she loved someone else, when Carlisle never offered her love in the first place. She wanted to be able to go about her life, he wanted her under his thumb to do his bidding. She was raised to have a certain respect for other people (e.g. the servants in the house), he thought that because he had money he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.
In short, they don't work together. Not even taking into account he was blackmailing her with a scandal, and Matthew was off stage left being Villainous (according to Carlisle. Villain, Perseus, it's all a matter of perspective.)
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I love how they contrast Carlisle's ruthlessness with Matthew's compassion (and look how she looks up to him). Because Matthew is also a working man, but he's kind. And even though he didn't have any connection to mr Swire anymore, he stood by him in his hour of need, to the bitter end.
Speaking of contrasting Carlisle's assholery to Matthew:
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Rosamund's WhatsHisFace of a suitor points out there's only three women following the shoot, and they should divide their time between the men taking part in said shoot (God forbid women are not around to entertain these assholes gents). Carlisle immediately rebuffs him before Mary can get a word in, saying "Lady Mary will stand by ME". Mary is about to, very politely, put him in his place, when Matthew comes in for his second act of Villainy so far, saying "I thought you said you'd stand by me for the first shoot, isn't that what you said?"
He doesn't push her to go with him, he's just giving her an exit plan. So that Mary doesn't have to bring herself in an awkward position in front of all those people, to defend her right to an opinion. And Mary takes it. Of course she does. She can show Carlisle he doesn't get to dictate what she does, and do so in a way that doesn't create gossip.
Matthew's Villainy points so far: 2
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Look how he looks at her. He's so happy she took him up on it. Whatever else happened beyond this, they were friends. He cared for her, and she cared for him. And he has her back here, and she accepted it, so easily. And that made him happy (and so, so smug. A true Villain).
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She loves how un-selfconscious he is. She's always loved it, all those years ago at the flower show when he'd mock himself for her benefit, to make her laugh. He does it here still but now she's not surprised by it, just endlessly fond. Dozens of men spent years showing off their (probably mediocre) skills, to win her favour, and of course she'd fall for the guy who was just being honest. Mary likes honesty, she never got much of it. Her world is a show of mirrors where nothing is what it seems, and it must have been so refreshing to be with someone who was exactly what he showed the world. It's only sad that it took her so long to realise that just as she loved him for who he was, he'd do the same. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
"He does rather beg to be teased" - this asshole has been deliberately messing with Carlisle for ages, hasn't he. I've only counted 2 Villainy points, but I bet he earned himself dozens before. Whenever he'd get pissed off at something Carlisle said he'd just whisk Mary away, just to show him that he could, even if Carlisle was the fiance, Matthew was still an important person in her life, and he'd always be, and he made sure Carlisle knew that (and took great, great enjoyment in it).
Mary: The awful truth is, he’s starting to get on my nerves. Still, you’re not the person to burden with that.
Matthew: You’re still going to marry him, though.
Mary: Of course. Why wouldn’t I.
Matthew is not happy about this. He appears to not understand it, and I wish I could give him a a nice shake. Regardless of the information he doesn't have, Matthew, mate, it's not like she hasn't met other men. Like it or not, most of your lot back in the day belonged in the bin.
And Mary, as a high-society woman, didn't have a lot of options. She had to get married. And at least Carlisle wanted to buy Haxby, she'd be near her family, spend time in London. Before she'd have hoped to actually get some work done, within the capacity her marriage would allow her, but with things being as they are with Carlisle I think she's now hoping he'd be busy with his work and she could get on with her days and maybe not see much of him, as most couples of their class did. And that's not taking into account the actual reason why Mary thinks she absolutely Must marry Carlisle.
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Also, Matthew, let's not pretend you'd like any man she brought home. So either take a deep breath and confess some things, or get on with it.
Carlisle asks Mary why she and Matthew were laughing together. He asks "Am I never to be free of him?" and her answer is, of course not. Because, of course not. First of all, sorry to say Richard, but, they're a package deal.
I can't see either one of them giving up the other willingly, not after all this. But of course, the main thing is the aristocracy thing. He's the head of the family, you'll see A Lot of Matthew, if you and Mary get married. And Matthew has spent almost every minute of the episode so far making sure Richard knows this. One would say, he's trying to push him out (like a villain), through his sheer presence in Mary's life.
"I might understand if you let me think for a solitary minute that you preferred my company to his."
Here's another problem: He should know, this wasn't part of their terms. Of course, he's not an aristocrat, so he's not aware of how loveless marriages of convenience work, but since it WAS a loveless marriage of convenience he was offering, I wonder why THE FUCK, he demands her attention now.
Mary would perform her duty to him. She'd be the best hostess London ever saw. She'd be the pretty wife on his arm, and she'd charm his contacts, and she'd be the stepping stone for him to be accepted in aristocratic circles, and she'd give him children and hold his house. And yes, she'd love spending time with her family, and that included Matthew.
Richard is just being a petty, controlling, fuck. Because he wants more than she's willing to offer, and he wants more than what he'd originally asked. So he, can shove it.
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Richard: I’ve done everything I can to please you.
Mary: Do you mean you bought a large and rather vulgar house?
Richard: You cannot talk to me like that! What have I done to deserve it? What?!
Would you like a list of your crimes, Richard? I've posted it a bit further above.
Also, Mary. She was hoping he'd offer her an interesting life (before he turned out to be an asshole). But all he's offered so far is the same old bullshit she's been offered all her life: A big empty (emotionless) house.
A demanding husband. A life full of constraints and limitations, set to her by a husband who expects to dictate everything she does.
It's at this point that Matthew, clearly the villain of the story, shows up because he hears Richard yelling at Mary and that just won't do.
My beloved idiot covers for Richard here. And she does it because of something she said to Matthew before "He's starting to get on my nerves, but you're not the person to burden with that."
She doesn't want Matthew to feel like he has to come to her rescue. She heard him, when he told her they can't be together (many times) in the previous episodes. And she loves him, so she's let him be. She knows he's got his own troubles, that he's been through a lot, and that shows with how she watches him walk away with a fair bit of worry in her eyes. Plus, she doesn't want him to do anything for her out of obligation. She just wants them to be friends, and friends don't solve your marital (or, in this case, pre-marital) problems. They can provide comedic relief, and support, but that's about it.
And as we said, Matthew is clearly the villain of this story.
Speaking of which, Matthew interrupted Richard's yelling at Mary so, I guess that means - Matthew's Villainy points so far: 3
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Speaking of friends: Matthew will be there, for Mary (and Anna) at Bates' trial, and Mary asks to be there when he brings back Mr Swire's ashes, since the man wanted to be buried next to his daughter (who had to be buried at Downton, and not near her home in London, for maximum guilt-trip points I guess).
I love how those two care, and support each other in difficult times. It IS what friends do. Of course, Carlisle is not happy about that either. And listen, if he was in love with Mary, I'd be very understanding. I'd be telling him to cut his losses and run. I'd be empathising. But I'm like, you've been an absolute tool for years now mate, how am I supposed to see your POV, when you're basically worrying that if those two, at some point, get their heads out of their asses and realise they make a great couple, you'll lose your trophy wife you've trapped in a marriage, through sheer luck (on your end).
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Carlisle, after that entire day of watching Mary and Matthew having a nice time out with the family, pressures Mary to set a wedding date. Mary wants to wait, I guess she hopes for some godly intervention because she definitely doesn't see any other way out of her current situation, and he goes so far as to literally grab her, and in front of her family too.
I'm finally not the only one who wants to shoot him dead. Of course, Robert won't do anything about it because when has Robert ever done anything for Mary (so far), but Matthew looks tempted.
(I had to cut out poor Carson because there's too many people on this frame as it is, but shout out to him for also worriedly watching in the background).
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Matthew: Mary. Can I help?
Mary: After today, I won’t insult you by asking what you mean.
Matthew: You don’t have to marry him, you know. You don’t have to marry anyone. You’ll always have a home here as long as I’m alive.
First of all, I LOVE, that his reaction was to ignore Carlisle, run after Mary, and ask her if he can help. He's not offering to be a saviour. Mary doesn't need one of those (she does need to find that steel in her spine though). But he's offering to support her, and he says it in a way that implies he'd do pretty much anything she asked (Do you want to poison him? I'll help carry him to the pigs pen).
Second of all, Matthew, you absolute Idiot.
Mary supporting you in your grief, you supporting her with Bates' trial, that's normal friend behaviour.
You telling her she can LIVE with you forever, and so she doesn't have to Marry Any Man, is so, so dumb.
What is she going to live with you as, Matthew? Your cousin again? Where is the cousinl-y behaviour line drawn? Private dinners? Maybe with some candles and soft music? Holidays in Europe together?
Also, where is that imaginary limit you've put to your happiness with her for the sake of Lavinia's (very real, according to canon) ghost, mate?
You clearly seem happy enough to spend time with Mary, support her, laugh with her. Is it just the romance that's killing your mood?
Is it that that's the harshest punishment Matthew could imagine, spending his life next to Mary without actually spending his life WITH her, or is it that in spite of how much he wanted to suffer for his mistake, he just couldn't bring himself to cut ties entirely? Or is it that her happiness was more important than his self-imposed martyrdom, so he couldn't keep himself away and let her throw away her life for God knows what (her own mistake, is the answer, because they both like making themselves suffer for past sins. They've got A LOT in common).
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Mary: Didn’t the war teach you never to make promises? And anyway, you’re wrong. I do have to marry him.
Matthew: But why? Not to prove you’ve broken with me, surely? We know where we stand. We’ve no need for...gestures.
Mary: If I told you the reason, you’d despise me, and that I really couldn’t bear.
She makes me so sad. She's so certain she'll be ruined and kicked out of her house if the scandal ever came out.
And I get it. It was how she'd been raised. And all she's heard so far is how she's "a slut" and "damaged goods" and Mary's self-image is in tatters. She doesn't view herself as anyone worth fighting for, she doesn't want anyone else to fight for her, and she won't even fight for herself, and to me that's the saddest part of all.
She's entirely defeated, has been for a long time. This entire season. She's taken every blow and hasn't dodged them at all. Welcoming Lavinia, accepting Matthew as a friend and nothing more. Being by his side when he got injured, taking care of him and accepting his rejection without a peep. Listening to him announce his wedding and helping Lavinia plan it. Baring herself to Carlisle, giving him "the tools to destroy her", willingly, to salvage the family name, and to help Bates. And later letting Matthew call her, and himself "cursed", and walking away from it, somehow. Probably because she believes it.
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She told Carson, after Pamuk died, that "she knows what it means to be happy, but she knows she herself will never be happy" and she has proved to have embraced that sentiment, fully. Her despair back then is reflected here. Mary is not looking for happiness. She's just looking for cover. Some place where she can be sure she won't be hurt anymore.
She didn't believe that would be in a marriage with Matthew, and Matthew's strict morals so far, and his own self-hatred, have only further proven to her that she had been correct. She thinks that if Matthew can't excuse himself a kiss with a woman he loved, he won't ever excuse her having sex with a man she didn't love. And for all the unhappiness, all the cold comfort she sees in her future, she at least has his friendship. And how could she ever risk losing that? What would she be left with? Who else is there in the world, that supports her like he has? Her mother, who brought back Lavinia to push her away from Matthew? Her father? Who values the family above all else? Nothing. And no one. Just Matthew.
So she can bear Carlisle's cruelty, his moods and his demands. And she can bear the thought of living life on his arm to be paraded around London society for his benefit. But she can't bear the thought of Matthew thinking ill of her. Can't bear having him look at her the way her mother, or her sister did. And she's so honest here in her pain. She hasn't shown any of it, of the backloads of it, to anyone other than Anna, all season. But she can't keep it in now, after all that, in front of Matthew.
My poor broken child 💔
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She hears Cora yell her name and there's despair in her eyes. Even now she has family obligations to fulfil, so whatever emotional breakthrough she could have made, gets interrupted because heaven forbid she's not there for the Crawleys to play card games with.
Before I forget, Matthew goes after Mary, hoping to help her in her hour of need therefore, Matthew's Villainy points so far: 4
Matthew directs that accusatory look to Cora and I'm so proud of him for that. Cora's involvement in Mary's life has been nothing short of catastrophic. With her only saving grace being the fact that she wasn't actually willing to throw her daughter out of her house. I don't know how she gets to be so worried about the situation now, considering it's, largely, of her own making.
This whole season has been about pain and loss, in its various forms. And Mary's has been largely contained, because that's who she is, she keeps everything close to her heart, especially the things that hurt her. But it's all spilling out in this episode. There's so many things she can't contain, like Carlisle's jealousy, her own grief, at this point, after so many years. And for all those who look, it's the most obvious thing in the world, that Mary is suffering.
Well. Almost all.
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Robert calls Carlisle grabbing Mary in front of her family "an awkward moment", and calls Mary "tired" of Carlisle.
Yes, Robert. Of all the things Mary is feeling at the moment, tiredness is one of them. Not sure if it's the most obvious one, but with you I've learned to bring a small basket.
He also, unlike Matthew, doesn't respect Mary enough to go up to her and ask her if she needs anything from, idk, her father. Some help, some advice. He asks his wife to tell him if he's overlooked anything, and how is the answer to that not "Pretty much everything that's ever happened in this house".
And at this point, I will leave you, because we're half way through and I've already hit both my word, and my image limit. The first one is self-imposed, for the second one, send your grievances @ reddit.

I am seeking someone with whom I can engage in deep conversations, exchanging thoughts on how we live our lives, our perspectives, and what we make of existence as we await our inevitable demise. I am looking for someone whose outlook on life aligns with mine, with whom we can collectively find the best way to live out our allotted time. Together, we will share our plans and goals, discussing our understanding of various matters.
I would be delighted if you, upon deciding to write to me, could explain why you chose to do so and share a bit about yourself, to streamline our initial conversations.
Some of my reflections and views on life: - I've come to realize that happiness for me won't come from having a big house, an expensive car, or even a family. Happiness, for me, lies in improving people's lives. Eventually, I'll die (like everyone else), and if I only live for myself, it would be meaningless—everything will go with me to the grave. But if I create something that improves people's lives, something that remains even after I'm gone, it gives meaning to my own life and brings me hope and happiness. I'm willing to dedicate my life to this, to improving the lives of others. - I'm interested in philosophy not just as a hobby, but as a necessity for determining the direction of life and how to approach it, understanding what to do in this life. - I often ponder the meaning of life in the face of inevitable death (because what comes after death greatly influences what to do with life). - I'm interested in what to do in life and how to spend it. The typical scenario of finding a job with good pay, buying a house, starting a family, retiring, and dying doesn't appeal to me (but I don't have anything against it). If you resonate with these sentiments, I eagerly await your response.

So I ordered some shorts about a week ago. They took some time to ship (about a week) and came in two shipments (both UPS Next Day Air). So I got them and I didn’t think about it again. But I came home today to one package that had all the shorts I had ordered… my card wasn’t charged twice but now I have double the items. What is the procedure now???

There's a really cool math professor coming to Fairfax for a talk this weekend. Definitely check it out!
Saturday, May 18, 10:00 AM - Great Falls, VA
Carnegie Mellon math professor Po-Shen Loh talks about the next step to take as parents and educators (mainly in K-12) to prepare our kids for the AI era.
Prof. Loh travels over 100 cities in the US every summer to give talks in communities and schools about the current topics in education and technology. His tour and talks have been featured in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, and many more. In this talk, he will share his latest recommendations on how to lean into what makes us human, how to navigate the future landscape of education (including college), and how to learn how to solve unfamiliar problems. His goal is to unite parents and kids in education and promote a supportive and collaborative mindset.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/future-proofing-our-children-great-falls-va-1000-am-may-18-2024-tickets-885107800257?aff=ebdsoporgprofile&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1eh8xuaMNmFOdXxPv-itX-OWNsrf-RmsUrDtGMyIVsTqu_zqUh7UwMm0M_aem_AShiazLL4GWbejPDp_K1xdpuMLr04zDLFQpLrvfVB5a0awzdd5H31JFTTK3JJa48FiBgLfVBwsE8rjQ7BzdVMqvl

This post is mainly a response to the many posts I saw about debunking the pleasure part, which is also one of the things I found most difficult. I also talk about the habit formation with pmo, since I think it is important to consider this and it should not be overlooked. Hope this helps and apologies for the large (and messy) body of text but else the post would feel incomplete. As I also say at the end, I would like to stress that this is not a blue print/quick fix for solving this problem. It is just the information which helped me work my way out of this. It's of course possible that it doesn't work for you but I thought why not share what helped me :)
POST:
A part of this immense pleasure is obtained by you choosing to engage in this activity, whether it feels like that or not, there is a point in time where you (however quickly) make the decision to enter this magical fantasy realm where pmo is the most greatest thing. Once you become aware of this fact that you are actively doing this, you will see that it is a choice every single time. (I know that you already understand this, but still felt the need to say it since it is essential) For me, this was the most important step, since from here I could ask myself, why am I doing this.
Don’t underestimate the role which habits play with this behaviour. They can make it feel like it just happens automatically, but it just happens very fast. I am not only talking about the habit of initiating the pmo/firing up a website but about the dozens of other habits that come into play, habits of thought primarily. These habits of thought also correspond to certain thoughts you might already have debunked. That is, for example, I might have debunked the idea that pmo provides stress relieve, but what is still possible, and what has happened to me, is that the habit of thinking that pmo does this is still there. I think that this habitual part of the behaviour is what many people write off as the ‘addiction’ since it is something which feels almost automatically. But again, IT IS NOT!!! It is a (pattern of) habit(s) which have been constructed by your past behaviour, which makes total sense. To tackle this and exercise your free will in getting rid of these habits and solving this problem, being mindful is your friend.
Before continuing on this mindfulness, I think it’s important to add that seeing pleasure in pmo is also one of the habits developed through these actions (pmo). Again, this doesn’t mean you’re forced to see it as pleasurable, it’s just that it has been made easier and more efficient to do so. It honestly feels as the start of a weird and abstract infinite sequence of habits but when thinking about it, isn’t it true that attributing value to this pleasure (which is constructed by choice/habits) is also a habit? To me it seems like it is, since this is again something most of us have been doing for a long time and whether we like it or not, something that we have seen great benefit in doing (even though we might not feel this way).
To continue on being mindful, it is indeed true that through changing your preferences and debunking certain aspects of pmo, solving this problem becomes infinitely easier than with the willpower method. But this doesn’t mean, at least for me it didn’t, that there is no effort/discomfort involved in solving it. After all, you seek a change in your behaviouhabits, a behaviour which you have been doing for a certain (long) amount of time. Being mindful is key here to notice what you are doing and which course your day/ your life can and is taking and how you can influence this. (I highly recommend meditating for this!) Dealing with these habits is something I like to see as bringing these in your conscious realm so you can consciously change it.
When you want to change something in your life, sometimes a certain amount of courage is needed. This part is the one which I struggled with the most. Choosing to pmo and choosing to experience pleasure from it can give the sensation of an easily accessible sort of warm blanket if you will. But I knew that it was time to move on, which anyone can!!!, and knew that it was necessary for me to step out of this comfort zone ( I know I sound as one of those mindset guru’s, which I don’t like, but bear with me). This is where you might feel scared or a similar sensation of anxiety, since you’re encountering unknown territory, and that’s exactly where the courage is needed. To take a leap of faith and try new things.

To continue on the pleasure part, there is nothing wrong with seeking pleasure/magic in one’s life. In fact, this is something which can bring much happiness. But, as you might have experienced, too much of it is also possible and not necessarily better than a lesser amount. My point is that pleasure is, by the very fact that you are on this subreddit, not your ultimate goal in life. Because if it was, your pmo behaviour wouldn’t be a problem and you would probably turn it up a notch!
For me, seeing pleasure (by pmo, or any pleasure if you will, although different discussion) as something that can add value to something but most definitely not as equal to the value caused pmo and its pleasure to be taken off this pedestral on which it has been put on, which is also why nofap fails for most since it only endorses this pedestral.
Thus the debunking of the pleasure came down for me as truly seeing it as a choice and then asking myself (multiple times): “Does this attributing of pleasure/magic to pmo give me something that is worth doing in my life, i.e. is it part of something that I want in life. “
In other words, the key was not debunking the pleasure itself, but rather the value which I attribute to this pleasure!!!
Again this debunking takes time, since, as mentioned above, many habits are involved in this and it takes some courage to change this behaviour and move forward in your life. Also, some think that they should completely debunk pmo and the pleasure to the point of absolutely hating it. This is, in my opinion, making it harder for yourself than it actually is and most of the time leads to then moping over still seeing pleasure in it and then succumbing to this apparently inherent pleasure. So please don’t chase this.
To conclude, when someone says: ‘but there is oh so much pleasure in it’ or rather ‘Why wouldn’t I choose to see so much pleasure in it?’. Notice that then, at that moment, this person is (indirectly) saying this type of pleasure is, at that moment, your ultimate goal in life, since it stands above everything else at that moment. This is why finding meaning in other things in life is effective for many, since it gives different options to fulfill your life. I know that I’m going philosophical with this, but for me it helped tremendously to think about and find out what I want to do with my life and how pmo is gonna attribute to that. Short-term-pmo-type-Pleasure is not the ultimate goal in my life is what I found out. Just like many others, I have been exposed to pmo from a very young age, which caused me to grow up with it. My whole puberty and my first years in my twenties have been with pmo. Because of this, I had a certain lack of knowing what I was missing, I could only dream about it. For me, this made it more difficult to find other things in life to value as I valued pmo. This is again where the courage was needed, so for the last time as a message to you, find the courage and find that you are the master of your own life.
I mainly talked about the pleasure aspect and habit forming concerning pmo but there are of course many other factors to consider when making decisions about this. One final thing I would like to add is that this is not a blueprint or whatsoever to quit pmo or to change your life. This is simply information, mostly derived from the freedom model and self insight, which helped me debunk the benefits and solve this pmo-problem. I can only hope that it can aid you aswell.
Let me know if you have questions/remarks, i’m always open for conversation!

This is the list of what bracelets I’m going to make. How many colored beads would I need approximately? I’m going to color code each album to its color.
Taylor Swift 1. Tim McGraw 2. Picture To Burn 3. Teardrops On My Guitar 4. A Place In This World 5. Cold As You 6. The Outside 7. Tied Together With A Smile 8. Stay Beautiful 9. Should’ve Said No 10. Mary’s Song 11. Our Song 12. I’m Only Me When I’m With You 13. Invisible 14. A Perfectly Good Heart
Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 15. Fearless 16. Fifteen 17. Love Story 18. Hey Stephen 19. White Horse 20. You Belong With Me 21. Breathe 22. Tell Me Why 23. You’re Not Sorry 24. The Way I Loved You 25. Forever & Always 26. Come In With The Rain 27. Superstar 28. The Other Side Of The Door 29. Today Was A Fairytale 30. You All Over Me 31. Mr Perfectly Fine 32. We Were Happy 33. That’s When 34. Don’t You 35. Bye Bye Baby 36. If This Was A Movie 37. Change
Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) 38. Mine 39. Sparks Fly 40. Back To December 41. Speak Now 42. Dear John 43. Mean 44. The Story Of Us 45. Never Grow Up 46. Enchanted 47. Better Than Revenge 48. Innocent 49. Haunted 50. Last Kiss 51. Long Live 52. Ours 53. Superman 54. Electric Touch 55. When Emma Falls In Love 56. I Can See You 57. Castles Crumbling 58. Foolish One 59. Timeless
Red (Taylor’s Version) 60. State Of Grace 61. Red 62. Treacherous 63. I Knew You Were Trouble 64. All Too Well 65. 22 66. I Almost Do 67. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together 68. Stay Stay Stay 69. The Last Time 70. Holy Beautiful 71. Sad Beautiful Tragic 72. The Lucky One 73. Everything Has Changed 74. Starlight 75. Begin Again 76. The Moment I Knew 77. Come Back…Be Here 78. Girl At Home 79. Ronan 80. Better Man 81. Nothing New 82. Babe 83. Message In A Bottle 84. I Bet You Think About Me 85. Forever Winter 86. Run 87. The Very First Night 88. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) 89. Eyes Open 90. Safe & Sound
1989 (Taylor’s Version) 91. Welcome To New York 92. Blank Space 93. Style 94. Out Of The Woods 95. All You Had To Do Was Stay 96. Shake It Off 97. I Wish You Would 98. Bad Blood 99. Wildest Dreams 100. How You Get The Girl 101. This Love 102. I Know Places 103. Clean 104. Wonderland 105. You Are In Love 106. New Romantics 107. Slut 108. Say Don’t Go 109. Now That We Don’t Talk 110. Suburban Legends 111. Is It Over Now
Reputation 112. Ready For It 113. Endgame 114. I Did Something Bad 115. Don’t Blame Me 116. Delicate 117. Look What You Made Me Do 118. So It Goes 119. Gorgeous 120. Getaway Car 121. King Of My Heart 122. Dancing With Our Hands Tied 123. Dress 124. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things 125. Call It What You Want 126. New Year’s Day
Lover 127. I Forgot That You Existed 128. Cruel Summer 129. Lover 130. The Man 131. The Archer 132. I Think He Knows 133. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince 134. Paper Rings 135. Cornelia Street 136. Death By A Thousand Cuts 137. London Boy 138. Soon You’ll Get Better 139. False God 140. You Need To Calm Down 141. Afterglow 142. Me 143. It’s Nice To Have A Friend 144. Daylight 145. All Of The Girls You Loved Before
Folklore 146. The 1 147. Cardigan 148. The Last Great American Dynasty 149. Exile 150. My Tears Ricochet 151. Mirrorball 152. Seven 153. August 154. This Is Me Trying 155. Illicit Affairs 156. Invisible String 157. Mad Woman 158. Epiphany 159. Betty 160. Peace 161. Hoax 162. The Lakes
Evermore 163. Willow 164. Champagne Problems 165. Gold Rush 166. Tis The Damn Season 167. Tolerate It 168. No Body No Crime 169. Happiness 170. Dorothea 171. Coney Island 172. Ivy 173. Cowboy Like Me 174. Long Story Short 175. Marjorie 176. Closure 177. Evermore 178. Right Where You Left Me 179. It’s Time To Go
Midnights 180. Lavender Haze 181. Maroon 182. Anti Hero 183. Snow On The Beach 184. You’re On Your Own Kid 185. Midnight Rain 186. Question 187. Vigilante Shit 188. Bejeweled 189. Labyrinth 190. Karma 191. Sweet Nothing 192. Mastermind 193. The Great War 194. Bigger Than The Whole Sky 195. Paris 196. High Infidelity 197. Glitch 198. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve 199. Dear Reader 200. Hits Different
The Tortured Poets Department 201. Fortnight 202. The Tortured Poets Department 203. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys 204. Down Bad 205. So Long London 206. But Daddy I Love Him 207. Fresh Out The Slammer 208. Florida 209. Guilty As Sin 210. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me 211. I Can Fix Him No Really I Can 212. LOML 213. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart 214. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived 215. The Alchemy 216. Clara Bow 217. The Black Dog 218. I’mGonnaGetYouBack 219. The Albatross 220. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus 221. How Did It End 222. So High School 223. I Hate It Here 224. Thank You Aimee 225. I Look In People’s Windows 226. The Prophecy 227. Cassandra 228. Peter 229. The Bolter 230. Robin 231. The Manuscript
Other 232. Taylor Swift 233. Debut 234. Fearless TV 235. Speak Now TV 236. Red TV 237. 1989 TV 238. Reputation 239. Folklore 240. Evermore 241. Midnights 242. TTPD 243. Eras Tour 244. 123 LGB 245. Fuck The Patriarchy 246. Ur Gay 247. Taylor’s Version 248. 13 249. Junior Jewels 250. You’ll Be The Prince 251. I’ll Be The Princess 252. Wonderstruck 253. Loving Him Was Red 254. Losing Him Was Blue 255. Missing Him Was Dark Grey 256. Sad Girl Autumn 257. Who’s Taylor Swift Anyway 258. ATWTMVFTVSGAVRALPS (All Too Well Ten Minute Version From The Vault Sad Girl Autumn Version Recorded At Long Pond Studios) 259. Ratatata 260. I ❤️ TS 261. Me Hee Hee 262. Karma Is The Guy On The Chiefs 263. Screaming Crying Throwing Up 264. Jan Ravnik 265. I’m Having A Menty B Hee Hee 266. Benjamin Button 267. Meredith Grey 268. Olivia Benson 269. Errors Tour 270. Died Dead 271. TSwizzle 272. YFYFBYNLIT (you forgive you grifter but you never let it go) 273. Take us to church 274. Swiftie 275. I’ll Be 87 You’ll Be 89 276. LVIII Super Bowl Champions 277. Tayvis 278. Folkmore 279. Everlore 280. It’s Been a Long Time Coming 281. What If I Told You I’m Back 282. It’s Fearless 283. Big Reputation 284. And They Said Speak Now 285. Into Folklore 286. My Name Is Taylor And I Was Born In 1989 287. Meet Me At Midnight 288. This Isn’t The One I Wanted 289. Ever Needy Ever Lovely Jewel 290. Alls Well It Ends Well 291. I Hate All Kanyes 292. El Travador 293. My Brain Is Alive 294. Who’s Taylor Swift Anyway 295. Not A Lot Going On At The Moment 296. A Lot Going On At The Moment 297. Blue Jays 298. Toronto N6 299. I’m The Problem 300. Welcome To The Eras Tour

I (F17) had this best friend (also F17) since 2021, and we were very close friends. We only had 1 subject together but we had hours of it a few days a week so we talked a lot and laughed during all of them. We made some great memories. But we never got to hang out outside of high school the whole time we were friends. We finished high school in the summer of of 2022, and after that we went to different colleges (UK college, not university). We stayed in touch obviously, but it was less than the HOURS we would stay up talking. Which was bound to happen. During high school, I think a couple times we reached the 4AM/5AM mark whilst texting. She made me feel like nobody else did, we never ever had stupid arguments and we understood each other. There was 1 time where we had a whole classroom to ourselves and we had a great time that day too, and during that day there was one point where I misheard her thinking she said "how bi do you think I am" and she laughed a lot more than I thought she would because I didn't even think it was that funny. We eventually hung out 1 time in December of 2022, but haven't seen each other since. Of course we slowly started drifting apart, weeks turned into months without talking, but we never missed special milestones (birthdays) and we'd check up on each other randomly after long periods of time. She doesn't follow that many people on Instagram, but she really loves LGBTQ TV shows. I know straight allies can love gay shows too but she follows Heartstopper cast members and Young Royals cast members too. I drew this weird character ages ago and she changed it to her profile picture on two platforms and she STILL hasn't changed it and I think that's so sweet. We've slowly started reaching out some more recently, as I wanted to make sure she's doing well before her A-Levels and she keeps talking about how much she misses me, and I really really want to see her. She started talking about how this small thing reminded her of me and I haven't stopped grinning for the past two hours. My heart is so excited that I haven't even replied yet just because the feeling is so strong. But I don't want to give myself false hope because she might just be incredibly sweet.
By the way, I had a crush on her for a good few months during our time in high school, but it was quite intense by the time we hung out in Dec. 2022. My feelings disappeared shortly after. But now I fear they're strongly returning. Summer is approaching and so is her birthday. I really want to see her, just see her and be in her presence. But I'm scared that I'll fall deeper and she's actually straight.

Very long story short, I’ve had a difficult time with my manager. He lies etc. We had a meeting with HR, him and his boss and he listed all these accusations. I responded to all of them, reminding him of texts, emails etc that proved other wise. I thought we were all on the same page. Couple weeks later I receive a “warning letter” docusign that was all of his points he had listed, nothing including what we discussed. I reached out to the HR representative via email to ask her for meetings minutes because of the discrepancies. She ignored me. I followed up again and she replied to my email, and then cc’ed my boss and his boss so that they could all see our entire email thread and basically said if I have any issues then to bring it up with them.
I feel like that’s so aggressive for her to do. She made an uncomfortable situation hostile. Does anyone have thoughts?
Thanks