I went nc with my sister years ago for a multitude of reasons. One of the reasons being that she had mental health issues and claimed she was getting help but no one (including her then husband) was allowed to know what she was diagnosed with, what the treatment was, etc. No one was allowed to know what her physical medical diagnoses were and what meds they were being treated with. It started with random things like she was on a medication that requires her to take (per her…there is no proof she was willing to show proving what she said) 6 pills at once. She claims she asked her then teenage daughter to give her six of these pills while she was driving. (It was for a fever blister supposedly.) But her daughter gave her the wrong pills and she didn’t notice bc she was driving. I could understand a mix up (we do have SALAD drugs. Sound alike look alike drugs) but that wasn’t the case. Think of the meds being named something completely like shrimp vs chicken. The pills didn’t even look similar or have similar sizes. She ended up in ICU bc she overdosed since apparently her daughter gave her the wrong drug. BUT no one was allowed to ask said daughter bc (per sister) she was devastated and felt guilty. Once the initial shock wore off…my husband and I realized things didn’t add up. Then a few months later she randomly took FMLA from her job and left the state to do a 6 week in house mental health clinic. they wanted her to stay for 12 weeks but she would only agree to 8 weeks. After she came back she would only talk about movies (she tried to equate movies to every situation in life and it was exhausting), religion which was strange bc I never could tell if she would be 110% pro religion or thinking it was all an elaborate scheme, politics where she was in the far far far left (people should have a right to demolish anything if it made them uncomfortable. At one point I told her the sheer size of her house made me uncomfortable so I should have a right to demolish it…totally never would. I don’t think I have that kind of rights. To which she fought back that was her home and I had no right. I just looked at her and said…so people don’t have a right to demolish something bc it makes them uncomfortable or is it only your things that rule applies to), and jobs (at my then 3yo’s birthday she kept bringing the convo back to a client of hers who had been SA and how she had to teach the client what that meant and what intercourse was and what that situation was bad. People kept redirecting the convo but she kept going back to it). At that party I finally reached my breaking point and sent the kids outside to play and yelled. I yelled a lot, kicked her out of the house, and went nc. I did apologize to the other adults for losing my temper. She sent me a long crazy message about how I needed help bc I was mentally unstable.
Recently I read a post on Reddit and it made me curious…I looked her court records up online. I expected maybe another cc that went into the system bc it was 15k plus that she stopped paying on. (Not the first time or even second that would have happened.) Boy was I wrong. She had traffic violations for 15-24 over the speed limit. She had failure to yield tickets. She had a couple tickets for no tags. A warrant out for one of the vehicle tickets. And…a violation for a trashed yard due to excessive rubbish which also had a warrant out on her.
I don’t know if she has custody of her kids at this point. They are all older. One is a legal adult. I know she convinced my parents after all was said and done that I went to court and testified against her. I’m still left confused over that one bc…my parents were at court with her for the divorce. They were in the court room with her. I was never there. I didn’t even know when the court date was. I asked my mom if she remembered seeing me on the stand but she would never answer. Golden child can’t be questioned when holes appear!!! Must defend golden child!!! (We are no contact with my parents now for a multitude of reasons.) my parents defend her so much and all I can think is…you’re enabling her to be a total and utter mess.
Part of me wants to contact her to see if she’s ok. I feel the need to make sure she’s not on the verge of doing something bad. Just know she’s ok on some level. I won’t bc I’m not going down that sewer pipe. I just feel so bad for her. I want to wrap her up in a warm blanket and give her hot chocolate telling her it will be ok. I hoped the court records would have been empty. I hope and pray she’s moving on in her life and thriving. Instead it just feels like she’s getting worse. I feel horrible for my nibblings who are experiencing all of that and in all honesty I don’t even know if they have contact with her now. Ex BIL may have stepped in for the health and safety of the kids. I don’t know.
But yeah I feel total guilt. I remember when I told my BIL about the birthday party event (in case the kids said something to him I didn’t want to be the crazy person and he deserved the right to know what was going on) he told me I needed to find a way to fix the relationship with my sister bc she needed me now more than she realized. He was more right than anyone could have imagined. She has/had two best friends. Best friends for 25ish years. All lived in the same town. Neither were willing to show up and testify in her defense. One agreed to but then gave a bs answer to back out at the last minute. The other couldn’t bc she couldn’t get off work rofl. She didn’t even write a character reference letter to the judge. Who would have thought they would have abandoned her.
I know it’s safer for me and my kids (mentally, physically and emotionally) to stay away from all of them but I still feel guilty. What’s the best way to handle the guilt?

She wanted to go out to a restaurant this weekend and I explained to her that I didn’t want to because it’s expensive eating out and I don’t want to consistently be paying for a restaurant as two meals plus a tip isn’t cheap. For reference I always pay for both our meals and recently bought her something for her birthday plus was planning to take her out for a birthday dinner. As an alternative I offered to cook her something at my place and even offered to let her help thinking it would be a fun activity. She understood what I was saying but declined my offer and said she would go out to dinner alone. I offered another activity the following day but she that because I said no to the restaurant she wasn’t sure but would see. I find it’s weird she would rather eat alone than hang out with me

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Total_Cap_8129. She posted in AmItheAsshole
I added paragraph breaks for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Mood Spoiler: sad but with good boundaries
Original Post: May 21, 2024
This is my first reddit post, throwaway. Also Englisch is not my first language.
My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewellery from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing. They always knew this and were close to their gradma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewellery to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Marke and Kate Middleton as examples.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politly declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t t want to antoganoize my brother and my sister-in law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet. If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money. I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, they feel it’s not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewellery“ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me the would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but It’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITA?
Relevant Comments (OOP had over 100, so this is very narrowed down):
Commenter: OP, she doesn't want to feel closer to her new family, she wants to know that she can push your brother to get her what she wants, even at the expense of his relationship with all of you. It's a game she is playing now, before they get married, so she knows exactly how far she can push you all and what she can get her greedy hands on with a temper tantrum and some threats to exclude you all.
Tell your brother the legacy he received is two watercolor paintings his ex wife has, and he's welcome to chase her down for that if he feels so strongly about it. But your jewelry was a gift your grandmother gave to you, and it is staying with you until you give it to your daughters.
Friend, if you cave to your brother and SIL on this, you'll be handing shit over as long as their marriage lasts. NTA.

OOP: Wow.. thanks for the clarity and direct words. I am starting to feel I was in denial about how bad this really is.
It’s worth mentioning that my brother obviously received his own inheritance as well.
(to another commenter): Also he got a sizable inheritance back then and his wife got two original artworks.. those jewelry pieces are worth approximately $1000 each while my mother’s original artworks are valued $1000-$3000 (she was an illustrator) so the issue is really not me sitting on a $50,000 diamond ring while they received two worthless sketches.

Commenter: Your dad presumably still had items from his wife? He can give one of his treasures to her. You and your sister and your three daughters got one item each. Not up for renegotiation.

OOP: We already offered but she claims it must be jewelry so she can wear it on her wedding day.

Commenter: Since the brother and fiancee seem to want to make the decision, ask them which granddaughter they feel deserves to be deprived of her grandmother's memento, AND how they intend to compensate said daughter for her exclusion from grandmotherly keepsakes. Tell them you cannot in good conscience hand anything over to the fiancee unless they can give a reasonable answer to these questions.

OOP: My husband actually asked them that and their answer was they believe that the twins should share.. which is obviously not going to happen as long as I am here to prevent it.

Commenter: How does the SIL even know about the jewelry?

OOP: I planned to give it to my girls at a family dinner commemorating our mother’s birthday next month and gave everyone a heads up. That’s how she got to know.

Commenter: You have 3 daughters. Your mother left you 3 items. It's pretty self-explanatory. Your mother didn't have to spell it it out for you. She just left them with you for safekeeping. If that wasn't her intention, she would have given them to your dad. Plus your daughters had a personal relationship with your mom (THEIR grandmother).
You got the watch. Your sis got the bracelet. Your daughters get the other 3.

OOP: Thanks.. I feel exactly the same way. I can’t for the life of me see where my brother claims we should have involved him in any discussion concerning who gets what because in my view it’s absolutely clear who gets what. And since she left those things to me, it’s up to me to make the decision. She could’ve left them to anybody else, but she didn’t. What else am I going to do with three pieces when I have three daughters?

Commenter: Tell your brother to stick it. These are for your daughters / her bloodline. This is so entitled and ridiculous.

OOP: I actually don’t care so much about the bloodline thing. If my father were to die tomorrow and each of this children would get some beloved sentimental items I would be really pissed if my husband who is very close to him would not get anything. Plus, I really understand why she wants to have something to feel more connected to her new family, especially since she is estranged to her parents and won’t get anything from them to wear on her wedding day. The problem lies solely in the fact that I don’t have anything to give her without hurting other people. I will not prioritise her feelings above my daughters.

Commenter: Bet you the reason she is estranged from her parents is an eye opener if you ever find it out. Whatever she told you it was is BS.

OOP: I don’t know the reason, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The fact that she is willing to blatantly ignore her nieces’ feelings and that wearing a piece of heirloom jewellery on her wedding day is more important to her than the girls’ connection to their beloved grandmother is a bit concerning to me.

Commenter: If she's trying to feel closer to your family, is there any jewelry that is yours or your sister's that could be given or loaned to her for her wedding day that isn't inherited from your mother?
Your sister and your daughters who actually knew and loved your mother should, of course, take precedence over someone who has only heard about her! NTA and your brother is being absurdly pushy.

OOP: We have now decided to pitch in together to buy something new for her to wear on her wedding day and have as a gift from the family. I hope she will accept this. I could also give her something from me as a loan but I feel buying something specifically for her would probably be better. It’s not that I feel she shouldn’t have anything and I would honestly offer to give her a piece if I had any spare pieces to give.

Commenter: NTA. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry. You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence. They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrites.

OOP: I can actually see why she would like to have something, we were all very close with mom and keep her memory alive and it’s tricky to enter into such a dynamic years later. I would give her something especially to wear on her wedding day (she is estranged from her parents) if I had anything to give but I can’t take away from my daughters to help her feel better.

Commenter: NTA - the items were left to you. No matter what happens in the future, your daughter's will be your daughter's. The same can't be said for your brothers fiance. That relationship could end, and then the jewelry wouldn't be part of the family anymore. If they were married when your mother passed, maybe I'd consider it, but they haven't tied the knot, so don't give her anything.

OOP: This has been brought up a lot but I feel I can’t in good conscience bring up the fact that their marriage might fail as an argument.

Commenter: NTA if your mom specifically left them to you. Y W B T A if you and your sister decided between yourselves to take all of the nice jewelry without giving any to brother. What about if/when he has daughters?

OOP: He was childless back than with no intention of starting a family and his first wife got an inheritance of her own and so did he. He was completely fine with us deciding what to do with the jewelry as neither him nor his ex wife were interested. The issue only came up with his fiancée recently. Had he voiced his objections ten years ago I would not have spent the last ten years preparing my daughters and the situation would be different. Also legally all items belong to me and I am under no obligation to share or discuss with anyone. I discussed with my sister because it seemed fitting.. again.. he was not interested.

Ask the first wife for paintings?
Asking first wife for her paintings might be an even harder no than the jewelry question honestly.. she received those paintings because she loved our mother and her art and she was a family member in her own right after replacing my mother as my disabled father’s full-time caretaker after my mother fell ill. I am not close to her anymore but I respect her and my mother‘s wishes enough to not hunt her down after seven years for what is legally and rightfully hers.
Update (Same Post): May 22, 2024 (Next Day)
Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, I would never have expected to get so valuable support and inside from strangers on the Internet. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart!
We came together with my brother and his fiancée after I had many of your replies to my husband and my sister. I stated clearly that I will support her in any way possible and that it’s very important for me to welcome home to the family properly but the jewelry is off the table because I believe I am fulfilling my mother’s wishes and I cannot hurt my daughters. I added that I believe that this is not the right way to join a family and that we should strive to resolve this conflict before it creates more tension between my daughters and their uncle and future aunt and also amongst us siblings.
At first, I thought my brother really saw my point and he seemed happy that we offered to pitch together to buy something for his fiancée. Unfortunately she is not willing to accept this. as some of you pointed out, she seems to believe that she ranks right beside my sister and me when it comes to our late mother and supersedes my daughters.. well.
She talked about her rightful place in the family and how she went no contact with her family because they denied her the respect that she deserves and that she will not hesitate to do the same with us. She also talked a lot about the pain of not being able to have any heirloom jewelry for her wedding. And honestly, I believe only a few days ago I would’ve given in presented with her tears but thanks to your kind words I was able to see through her emotional manipulation and really now that I am aware of what she’s doing it is so obvious..
I must say my brother looked very uncomfortable. She then stated that it would be a waste to give the pieces to my daughters since they would just sell them for the money to buy make-up wich is absurd. I ended the conversation at this point stating that I hold firm to my boundary and that they are free to do whatever they feel is the right thing for them.
I am heartbroken and I hope my brother will change his mind. So.. no happy ending but thanks again.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Thats great youve seen her for what shes really doing! Good luck to your brother because the fiancé sure sounds like a peach! Well done for looking out for your baby girls (I know they’re 18 but they’ll always be your babies!)!

OOP: They are capable and wise but they should not bear the consequences of the quarrels of others that they have no part in. And although I am heartbroken by all of this I can firmly feel my mother’s support in this as she put me in charge to protect what belongs to her granddaughters and daughters. Thank you for your support!

In response to a longer comment:

Thanks again.. I appreciate your encouragement. I hope their next move will be one of love and understanding but it’s hard to tell what they will do. While I don’t believe they are considering to physically steal the pieces from me, I have now given the two pieces meant for the younger girls to my mother-in-law for safekeeping at her house until the dust settles. She is obviously livid at the treatment of her granddaughters. The girls felt a lot of pressure from their uncle which is so heartbreaking.. my eldest on the other hand calls her future aunt a grifter and says she will not accept any change of plan to accommodate her so she will receive her piece as planned. She has also been looking forward to wearing it for a long time. I have no words really at this point.. hoping for the best.

​

My (28M) wife (27F) and I have been married for six years, and we have a 5-year-old son. I work as the CFOat my father's company, earning a substantial income, well into the eight figures. My job requires long hours and a high level of commitment. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, a decision we both agreed upon when our son was born.
Lately, my work has been more demanding because of a big project with a tight deadline. For the past three weeks, I've been working late nights and weekends. I know it’s been hard on my wife, but I thought we were managing okay.
Last week, after another late night at the office, I came home to find my wife visibly upset. She told me she feels like a single parent and that our son misses me a lot. She said she’s tired of having dinner alone with him and putting him to bed by herself every night. I tried to explain that this project is temporary and that things will get better soon, but she was too upset to listen.
The next day, she asked if I could reduce my hours or work from home more often. I said I’d see what I could do, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Despite my high income, we have significant expenses and a lifestyle that relies on my current salary, and I can’t afford to risk my job right now.
Last night, things came to a head. My wife had planned a small family dinner for my birthday, but I got caught up in a last-minute meeting and came home late. When I walked in, she was fuming. She accused me of caring more about my job than about my family. We got into a big fight, with her yelling that she feels like a single parent and me trying to explain that I’m working hard for them and for our future. She didn’t want to hear it and went to bed angry.
The next morning, I woke up to find that she had packed some bags and taken our son to stay with her parents. She left me a note, saying she needed some space and time to think about our relationship. She said she loves me but can’t continue feeling like a single parent while I’m constantly at work. Adding to the strain, my wife is seven months pregnant with our daughter.
This situation is really weighing on me. I love my wife and son more than anything, and it hurts to see them unhappy. I try to make up for lost time by spending quality moments with them whenever I can, but I know it’s not enough. My wife feels like she’s raising our son alone, and I can see how exhausted she is. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to our son, who misses having his dad around.
However, my wife also loves the luxury lifestyle my job provides. We live in a beautiful home, drive luxury cars, and enjoy vacations that many people can only dream of. She’s always told me how much she appreciates these things and doesn’t want that to change.
I’ve thought about ways to find a better balance, like delegating more tasks at work or setting stricter boundaries for myself. I feel caught between my commitment to my job and my commitment to my family.
Honestly, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made to support my family financially. I believe the sacrifices I’m making are necessary to maintain our lifestyle and secure our future. My wife’s current dissatisfaction feels like a temporary hurdle, and I’m confident we can work through it without drastically changing the way we live.
With the recent tension and her leaving, I’ve started to wonder if our values are too different and if this might lead to divorce. It’s a tough thought, especially with our second child on the way, but I’m beginning to think it might be the only way to find some peace and balance in our lives.
AITA for working too much and causing my pregnant wife and son to stay with her parents?

Will preface this by saying I’m not and never have been a thief and I don’t condone stealing and have made this situation right so my conscience is clear.
I went to Kmart last week to get a few things for a party I’m hosting this week as well as a gift for my nieces birthday. Get to the self checkouts and start scanning through my stuff. The second to last item was a sheet of stick on earrings and the scale wouldn’t pick up the weight (obviously they weigh basically nothing) and the machine kept saying “please place item on the scale” or whatever the words are. There’s no way to continue my purchase without the Kmart supervisoemployee clearing it.
The Kmart worker was busy at the returns counter with someone else so I stood around for close to 5 mins (which feels a lot longer than it sounds) and other people’s machine were starting to do similar things with a chorus of Siri voices going off. My last item/s to scan was 2 plastic lolly scoops. In the end I didn’t want to wait any longer (I’m not naturally a very patient person) and I put one of the scoops on the scale, still nothing. I put down the other scoop and it finally registered the weight. I clicked checkout and paid and left without ever scanning or paying for the scoops (yes they checked my docket on the way out).
At first I didn’t feel guilty because this happens all the time with lightweight items not being picked up on the scale, including at the supermarket and I was just annoyed that they haven’t found a way to avoid it yet.
But of course it’s not in me to steal so I kept the barcode on the scoops and went back today with them in my handbag. Sneakily took them out and popped them in my trolley feeling like a little rebel and paid for them along with the other stuff I brought. Sure enough the scoops wouldn’t weigh so I had to wave down the employee and have him clear both scoops separately.
Anyone else get annoyed with this?

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions causes us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

For some backstory, I(25f) haven't always had the closest bond with my step-dad growing up. I always felt intimidated by him because of the fact that I found him rude and neglectful of my siblings and I. He preferred his biological children more. He never really made an effort to bond with me, causing a strain in our relationship and me feeling heavily negative about him. He has done many things from: saying "i would date someone like you if i was in highschool" and being creepy one time and dangerously close in my face while he was drunk. This caused my mother and I to get into a fight, and then them ignoring me for three days including my birthday (which has left me a lot of trauma since then). Let's just say, I do not feel kind things towards him, but still remain respectful towards him for the sake of my mom and because I live in his house for the next 1 1/2 months until I can move out.
My boyfriend is in a tough spot right now financially, so he is also staying with his parents. However, it is a very cramped space they live in since its his parents, brother, and sister. The worst part of it all is how horribly hoarded it is to the point where it's hard to navigate the apartment. It's so bad to the point where there is expired food still in the fridge, mold in various areas such as the shower and such, and is extremely dirty to the point where giant roaches are found. He is working 2 jobs back-to-back to try to help pay off his debt, but the conditions he is in is unsafe and mentally draining.
This has also put a strain on our relationship as we struggle with money and are trying to fix our credit. The distance from each other is super far and our jobs are opposite schedules with different days off. Mentally, I have felt extremely down as well. It's so bad to the point where my bf broke down crying because of his horrible living situation and that his parents and brother pestering him for money for rent despite the conditions they live in.
I know my situation isn't as horrible as his, but I feel extremely uncomfortable living under the same roof as him and found it super odd that he has been so strict with me ever since I moved back in. I have always followed the rules to the 'A' and never argued back with him because I did not want to disrespect him. One of his rules specifically was not having my boyfriend stay the night, which I understand completely.
I felt desperate, because I love my bf so much and care about him and there's nothing in the world that i wouldn't do for him. I texted my father first, given it wouldn't hurt to ask if my bf could move in with us temporarily for the next 1 1/2 months until we both move out. However, my father declined without even asking me about why my boyfriend needs another place to move into temporarily. Straight up declined, which has left me confused and hurt because I have done nothing but respect my step-dad despite the fact that he's a creep. I felt hurt, asking him why that was his choice, but then backtracked saying that I was no longer interested in hearing his excuse and would sort out living in a motel with my bf in july for the time being. I have felt like I have shown him respect always and have never received any in return. Most of my life I felt he has always treated me unfairly because im not his blood. This was a favor I feel like I am not asking much of given the short amount of time it would be. What do you guys think? Am I wrong?
TLDR; my step-father has said no to my boyfriend (who lives in a horrible hoarding situation that is mentally affecting him) moving in with us for the next 1 1/2 months until we move out because he is a creepy a-hole who has always been controlling and not respectful towards me

Today I had to do the most awful thing and take my old girl cat to be put to sleep. I was never a cat person before she showed up but she converted me quick, she was nothing but sweet and friendly, even though she was already old and on her way out. I probably kept her around for longer than I should've because of how great of a pet she was. But she quit eating and drinking and didn't want to move, so I knew it was time. She was the sweetest thing to the vet, to everyone all the way to the end. I wish I had met her years ago. Whoever left her out there old and alone had to have been so heartless.
A few weeks ago, another cat showed up on my property, a little fluffy one with boogers all over his face. I took him in and they gave me antibiotics for him, but they didn't work. I called and they said it was just "cat flu" and to wait, but he can barely breathe. I took him back and they tried to blow me off about it, until a big bump showed up on his nose and blood started coming out. Finally they agreed to do a culture to see what was going on. Today they called and said one of the results had come back as a certain bacteria and they gave me different antibiotics to try to treat it. They are still waiting on the other results if there's anything else going on.
I'm so scared I'm going to lose him, too! He is so adorable and funny. I already say he's my son, I have two human daughters and they have no problem with it haha, they don't like that I have named their brother Booger though. My canine daughter is cool with him too. So I'm hoping to hear some stories of your kittens who were sick like this and got better. If that's allowed. I am already actively seeking medical treatment so I'm not looking for diagnosis, just some stories to make me feel less anxious after today! Thanks!

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

Throwaway because my girlfriend knows my main. So as it states in the title, I (A 27-year-old man) have a girlfriend (a 27-year-old woman) of 3 years. We met through a mutual friend who had been insistent on introducing the two of us because we would, and I quote “automatically fall in love”
Well he was right, that son of a bitch. The moment I met her I knew I would never meet anyone else like her. I stand firm on my belief that she is too pure for this world, she is an eternally kind and loving person. She is the kind of person to give you the food on her plate even it means she starves. I assume that's a trait that comes from growing up as the oldest daughter in a house of 6 brothers. But nevertheless, she's the best person I know and I love her to death.
Now, here is where my problem comes into play. My girlfriend is a songwriter, she writes songs and sells them, and works with different artists on different projects. Recently, she has been working on an album with this guy, Alex. I was first introduced to him about two months ago when she brought him and his band over for dinner, me and my girlfriend cooked it together and even taught one of the bandmates how to make bread from scratch. It was a wonderful night and I was thankful to be able to be a part of my girlfriend's job like that. As for Alex, he seemed like a decent guy, very much a jokester as he had most of us laughing the entire time. Just seems like a very good guy.
My problem started around week two of knowing him. My girlfriend came home practically jumping for joy as she told me she was going to be singing on one of the songs. Alex had apparently asked her to do a duet with him. I was over the moon excited for her, she has a beautiful singing voice, and its one of the things I love about her. She told me that they were going to be recording the next day and she would love it if I stopped by. I didn't think twice before agreeing and when I went the next day I was in awe of her. I stood outside of the booth, next to this couch where the other bandmates were. Alex and her were both in the recording booth. I remember just listening to my girlfriend and all of a sudden I caught a glance of the look on Alex’s face and to say he was completely entranced would be an understatement. He was looking at her with this look that I can't even begin to explain but it was just like he was completely captivated by her. I brushed it off after that because knowing my girlfriend it's hard not to be just in awe of her. I didn't think too much about it for about another week.
Until I got a call from a buddy of mine, he called me and told me to check Alex’s Instagram story. I did and the first thing I see is a picture of my girlfriend in the studio with the words “If I'm dreaming, never wake me up” and a pink heart emoji. My friend is practically fuming saying things like “That's so rude, why would he do that, he knows she is dating you, etc.” I immediately tell my friend to calm down, because it's not the most damaging post ever and in hindsight, it could be a joke. I brought it up to my girlfriend later and she told me that he verbally said that to his friends and everyone laughed so she knows it was a joke that he put it as the caption. I just accepted that answer and moved on.
Then a couple of days after that, we all went out for drinks as a little celebration of my girlfriend and Alex finishing the song. My girlfriend and I excused ourselves to get more drinks, we got them and she told me she was going to the restroom so I should go back to the table. I was walking to the table when I overheard them talking. It was dark and there was a good crowd so I don't think they saw me walking up. But I overheard this exchange;
Guy 1: “She literally brought him, what don’t you get?”
Alex: “It's not like they're married. Plus she hardly talks about him, maybe she's bored.”
Guy 1: “That doesn't mean she wants you.”
Alex: “It's worth a shot.”
I kind of slowed my steps, not really processing what I was hearing. My immediate thought was the optimistic “Maybe they're talking about someone else?” But when I later got home I realized the obvious, my girlfriend was the only girl there. Who else could they be talking about? Again, I tried to brush it off. I didn't want to be the guy who didn’t trust his girlfriend.
Then the second shoe finally came down. About two days ago, I was on a call with this guy, I'll call him Tim. Tim is the assistant manager for the band, and has been the only one I seriously became friends with out of these band guys. I was on the phone with him yesterday and we were chatting about miscellaneous things and it was casual. Until I brought up my girlfriend. I told him how excited she was about this album. Tim got quiet and his voice started to get a bit guilty. I asked him what was wrong and that's when the dam broke. He told me about how Alex had been telling people he is in love with my girlfriend a long time. How almost all the love songs on the album, which Alex has said to my face were about an ex of his, were really about my girlfriend. Tim told me that he constantly talks about getting her away from me, and how he could give her a better life. With fancier things and luxurious vacations. I was sick to my stomach.
I'm a pretty normal guy, I think I'm decently attractive, I take good care of myself, and work out a good amount. I try to give my girlfriend the best things but I'm a junior associate at my law firm, so I make at best 50,000 a year. I give her everything I can even when she doesn't ask for it and the thought that it might not be enough just kills me. Tim was extremely apologetic for not telling me sooner, and I forgave him, I can understand the situation. After the call, I couldn't shake this nagging anxiety. I love my girlfriend, she has never given me a reason not to trust her. I believe that she would never in a million years cheat on me, or even consider it. So it's not her I am particularly worried about. I don't even want to be worried in general, I trust her, and I love her. But there's this nagging feeling of just anxiety I get at all times of the day. I feel helpless to do anything because I don't want to tell her this and ruin one of the best music opportunities she's ever had. Something which she is so excited about. I just can't stand this worthless feeling, this feeling like I'm not enough for her or that I need to do more. Call me insecure, I probably am. I just can't stand to lose her. It would probably kill me. So what should I do? I'll take any advice at this point.
TL;DR: My girlfriend's coworker is in love with her and actively is trying to win her over. I love and trust my grilfriend but I am still feeling poorly about this. What should I do?

I (30f) have a 3 year old daughter with my husband of 5 years (32m). I love her so much, obviously, but she's in a phase and it's driving me mad. My husband says I'm being terrible and overreacting but I don't see that.
I work from home two days a week, on Fridays and Mondays. It's in an effort to be home with my family, even though I would rather be at the office most days. My husband is a stay at home dad and it's his job to keep our daughter entertained while I'm working.
On Friday he decided to take a shower in the middle of the day, leaving her to do her own thing. She ran straight for me with a few of her dolls and begun demanding I play with her. She whined and cried and wouldn't shut up no matter how many times I told her I was busy. She told me I was being mean, and that's when I took her out of the room and locked the door.
She cried outside the door for ten minutes until my husband came back. I didn't hear what he said to her and he didn't say anything to me until after she had gone to bed. He cornered me in the kitchen when we were supposed to be making popcorn for movie night. He asked me why our daughter was so upset today, and I told him that she was trying to manipulate me into stopping my work to play with her. He got immediately angry and said that was "insane" and ranted about how she's "just a baby" and "can't manipulate you".
I argued that she was trying to sabotage the deal I was working on by crying during my Zoom meetings. He told me that she "doesn't even know what a deal is" and therefore couldn't be manipulating me, but I know she's smarter than he thinks. She's my daughter, of course she's ahead of the curve. He was so upset when I wouldn't agree with him that we didn't get to have our movie night.
We went to my parent's house for memorial day weekend, and he gave me the cold shoulder pretty much the whole time. He barely even let me be with my daughter because he was holding her all weekend. I don't know why he can't see what she's doing, I thought he was a smart man and now she's manipulating him too. AITA?

Here's the story: It's my parents' big anniversary bash, and like a good daughter, I posted a picture of the happy couple celebrating. All's well until my brother, fresh off a breakup, decides it's the perfect platform to air out some dirty laundry about his ex.
His comment was a wild ride, filled with colorful language and enough personal drama to fuel a soap opera for years. I mean, this guy didn't hold back, calling her out for everything from burning his lasagna to ruining his life. I'm watching the comments section blow up like the Fourth of July, and all I can think is, "Good God, Mom's gonna disown us."
So, I did what any semi-responsible sibling would do: I deleted the whole thing. Gone. Poof. Like it never happened.
Now, my brother's mad. Says I "sabotaged his truth" or some nonsense. But let’s be real, would I have been the hero if I let our parents' anniversary post turn into a battleground of broken hearts and burnt pasta?
Reddit, hit me with it. AITA?

I don’t know how many follow or have read the books in this sub, but this is one of the most interesting things I’ve found after reading Rhaenyra being called “Maegor with tits” by the Green opposition.
This is all from the Internet. A click away from any phone.

Socrates was a Greek philosopher from Athens who is credited as the founder of Western philosophy and among the first moral philosophers of the ethical tradition of thought.
An enigmatic figure, Socrates authored no texts and is known mainly through the posthumous accounts of classical writers, particularly his students Plato and Xenophon. These accounts are written as dialogues, in which Socrates and his interlocutors examine a subject in the style of question and answer; they gave rise to the Socratic dialogue literary genre.
Contradictory accounts of Socrates make a reconstruction of his philosophy nearly impossible, a situation known as the Socratic problem. Socrates was a polarizing figure in Athenian society. In 399 BC, he was accused of impiety and corrupting the youth. After a trial that lasted a day, he was sentenced to death. He spent his last day in prison, refusing offers to help him escape.
There were four charges that were brought against Socrates. They were that he argued the weaker claim over the stronger claim, that he argue the physical over the metaphysical, that he was against the gods and that he was corrupting the youth.
Socrates was found guilty by a jury of 501 Athenians and was sentenced to drink a deadly poison, named hemlock. Many scholars have argued that the charges against Socrates were politically motivated and have understood his trial and conviction as an attack upon freedom of speech and an indictment of democracy.

The Last Moments of Maegor’s Reign, losing against a misogynistic society led by petty and ambitious nobles and against the Faith of the Seven, a religion that enforces gender roles and inequality between men and women.

By 48 AC Maegor's tyranny could no longer be borne by the realm. At Storm's End Aenys I's last surviving son, Prince Jaehaerys, put forth his claim to the throne, supported by Lord Rogar Baratheon, who was named Protector of the Realm and Hand of the King by the prince. Jaehaerys had two dragons on his side, his own mount Vermithor and his sister's mount Silverwing, against Maegor's Balerion. Grand Maester Benifer secretly escaped on a ship to Pentos. Ser Olyver Bracken and Ser Raymund Mallery, two of Maegor's Kingsguard, also deserted him. Lord Daemon Velaryon, the admiral of the royal fleet, and brother of Alyssa Velaryon was the first of the great lords to forsake Maegor, taking the royal fleet with him, and many other lords followed his example. The great houses of Lannister, Tyrell, and Arryn came out against Maegor and in the riverlands House Tully gave support to Septon Moon and Ser Joffrey Doggett, the leaders of the Poor Fellows.
Maegor called his banners in response, but few answered, giving Maegor an army of barely four thousand soldiers. Despite this, Maegor refused to surrender. At the end of the war council, Maegor remained behind alone in the throne room to brood. He was found dead the next morning by Queen Elinor, seated on the Iron Throne with his robes covered in blood and his wrists slashed. A spike from one of the swords on the throne behind him was impaled through the back of his neck. How Maegor died was never discovered. Some say he had been killed by Queen Elinor, others that he had been killed by a knight of his own Kingsguard. Yet others say he had been killed by a builder who escaped the slaughter three years earlier and desired revenge, and many believe that Maegor had been killed by the throne itself. Others believe that Maegor killed himself by opening his wrists on the blades of the Iron Throne.

The fate of Maegor’s loyal supporters.

Owen Bush was a knight of the Kingsguard during the reign of King Maegor I Targaryen. When Maegor suspected Queen Tyanna of the Tower of betrayal, he had Owen and his sworn brother, Ser Maladon Moore, bring her to the dungeons, where she confessed.
Maegor the Cruel gradually lost political support, resulting in a rival threat in his nephew, Prince Jaehaerys Targaryen. Two of his Kingsguard defected to Jaehaerys, and Maegor lost a third guard when Owen was found dead outside a brothel in 48 AC, his member cut off and stuffed in his mouth.
Maladon Moore was a knight from House Moore and a member of the Kingsguard during the reign of King Maegor I Targaryen. When the king suspected Queen Tyanna of the Tower of treason, Maladon and Owen were dispatched to seize the queen and deliver her to the dungeons, where Maegor was said to have slain her while Maladon was present.
After Maegor died in 48 AC and his nephew King Jaehaerys I Targaryen took the Iron Throne, Maladon was accused of being involved in the death of Queen Ceryse, allegedly restraining her when Ser Owen accidentally killed her. Maladon denied these charges, insisting she died of "shrewishness". While the charges were never proven, Maladon lost his head for his involvement in Queen Tyanna's death, of which he was guilty.
When Queen Tyanna of the Tower admitted to poisoning Queen Alys Harroway during her pregnancy, Tyanna promised the same would happen to Elinor. Tyanna was proven correct when Elinor gave birth to a stillborn abomination said to have been born eyeless and with small wings. Elinor was one of the two wives who survived the king, the other being Queen Rhaena Targaryen.
After King Maegor's death, Lord Daemon Velaryon proposed that King Jaehaerys I Targaryen marry Queen Elinor to reconcile with Maegor's supporters when a bride was being considered for the king, but nothing came of the proposal. After Jaehaerys's ascent, Elinor departed King's Landing dressed in the robes of a penitent. She visited her two elder sons at the Eyrie and Highgarden before retiring to her father's seat at the Three Towers with her youngest son.
Later, King Jaehaerys commanded Elinor to go forth and spread his Doctrine of Exceptionalism to the peoples of the Seven Kingdoms, as well as the goodness of Jaehaerys and Alysanne, becoming one of the Seven Speakers. Her queenly raiment became shabbier and more threadbare each day, and she eventually gave up all claims to nobility, becoming Mother Elinor at the great motherhouse in Lannisport.
House Rosby was one of the first houses to yield peacefully to House Targaryen during Aegon's Conquest, surrendering to Rhaenys Targaryen and Meraxes. The Rosby lands became part of the crownlands surrounding King's Landing. Lord Jon Rosby was named Warden of the Sands by King Aegon I Targaryen during the First Dornish War, but Jon was killed in the Defenestration of Sunspear.
Ser Rayford Rosby defended King Maegor I Targaryen during his trial of seven, but Rayford was slain during the fighting. Lord Rosby remained loyal to the king even as his downfall became certain, and was one of the last to see the king alive. In the chaos that followed the discovery of Maegor's body, Lord Rosby drank a cup of hemlock to join his king in death. His young son received forgiveness from King Jaehaerys I Targaryen at Dragonstone.
In 47 AC, King Maegor was dealing with the issue of his lack of heirs, despite having already married three women. Lord Daemon Velaryon, Rhaena's uncle and a member of Maegor's small council, advised Maegor to wed Rhaena, to unite their claims and prevent new rebellions, and to gain her as a hostage against any potential schemes of Dowager Queen Alyssa. Later that year, Maegor summoned Rhaena to King's Landing, and she did not defy him. At the Red Keep, Maegor married Rhaena in a triple ceremony, together with Elinor Costayne and Jeyne Westerling. As the three women were all widows of men Maegor had killed, they became known as the "Black Brides". Immediately following the wedding, Maegor declared Rhaena's elder daughter Aerea as his heir until he had sons of his own, while disinheriting Rhaena's youngest brother Jaehaerys in the same decree.
After Maegor’s death, discussion arose as to who had the better claim to the Iron Throne. There were some who suggested that Rhaena's claim, as the firstborn child of King Aenys I Targaryen and Queen Alyssa Velaryon, was the strongest. Her gender argued against her, however, and Rhaena herself had come to loathe King's Landing and its court. The claims of her daughters were argued for as well. If Maegor was to be considered a usurper, the true king would have been Rhaena's first husband, Aegon, who had claimed the throne before Jaehaerys had. As such, some suggested the throne should pass to one of his daughters by Rhaena, Aerea or Rhaella.
As time passed, Rhaena began to resent the fact that her claim to the throne, and that of her daughters, had been dismissed in favor of Jaehaerys, to whom she began to refer as "my baby brother". In addition, Rhaena begrudged her mother for promoting Jaehaerys's claim over her own.
Ser Walton Towers was granted Harrenhal by King Maegor I Targaryen in 44 AC after winning a melee in Lord Harroway's Town, but Walton died soon after from his wounds. Harrenhal thus passed to his eldest son. Lord Jordan remained loyal to Maegor during the king's wars, and Lord Rosby were the last to see the king alive before Maegor's death on the Iron Throne. Along with Lords Darklyn and Staunton, Jordan yielded the Red Keep to Prince Jaehaerys, Princess Rhaena, and Princess Alysanne Targaryen. The three lords were sent to the black cells, but were eventually pardoned by King Jaehaerys I after surrendering some of their land.
Jordan eventually died of a chest congestion. Harrenhal passed to Jordan's last surviving son, Maegor Towers, as Jordan's older sons had all died fighting for King Maegor.
Maegor's father, Lord Jordan Towers, was one of the last lords of the Seven Kingdoms who remained loyal to King Maegor I Targaryen. All of Jordan's sons died fighting in the king's wars, with the exception of young Maegor.
Maegor became Lord Towers after the death of his father due to a chest congestion. When King Jaehaerys I Targaryen began a royal progress in 53 AC to celebrate the new year, his first stop was to see the new Lord of Harrenhal, then only nine years of age.
Maegor was an impoverished lord who resided in the Tower of Dread with only a cook and three men-at-arms. Since the rest of Harrenhal was empty, King Jaehaerys settled his widowed sister, Rhaena Targaryen, in the Widow's Tower in 56 AC. Maegor and Rhaena eventually became friends, and she cared for his servants after Maegor passed away in 61 AC. Harrenhal was granted to House Strong after Rhaena passed away in 73 AC.
Maegor was sickly and poor.
Socrates speaks his last words to Crito: "Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius. Please, don't forget to pay the debt". Asclepius was the Greek god for curing illness, and it is likely that Socrates' last words were implied to mean that death is the cure, and freedom of the soul from the body.
Asclepius, Greco-Roman god of medicine, son of Apollo (god of healing, truth, and prophecy) and the mortal princess Coronis. The Centaur Chiron taught him the art of healing. At length Zeus (the king of the gods), afraid that Asclepius might render all men immortal, slew him with a thunderbolt.
Zeus saw Asclepius & his medical skills as a threat to the eternal division between humanity & the gods. Asclepius met a tragic end when he was killed by a thunderbolt thrown by Zeus.
Socrates ultimately does not fear death because of his innocence, he believes that death is not to be feared because it may be one of the greatest blessings of the soul.
The reasons for Socrates not escaping when he had the chance the night prior; are made explicit before the Laws make their speech. Because escape defies the will of the Athenians, it requires stealth and bribery, shameful practices that are unjustified in the current situation.
Socrates Feared Democracies Would Elect Demagogues. The term arose in Greece in the fifth century BCE, right around Socrates's time, and is often used negatively. Socrates himself was extremely worried that the democratic format would give rise to a demagoguery.
Demagogues are political leaders who seek support by appealing to the desires and prejudices of ordinary people rather than by using rational argument.
Modern demagogues include Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Huey Long, Father Coughlin, and Joseph McCarthy, all of whom built mass followings the same way that Cleon did: by exciting the passions of the masses against customs and norms of the aristocratic elites of their times.

This is why Maegor and Socrates died. They challenged authority and lost. They were silenced by the powerful lords and by the elected council of Athens whom were given power by the common people.
They were “heroes”.
“My own heroes are the dreamers, those men and women who tried to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in small ways or great ones. Some succeeded, some failed, most had mixed results... but it is the effort that's heroic, as I see it. Win or lose, I admire those who fight the good fight.
George R.R. Martin.
King Maegor had married all his brides and gave them Queenly status.

Jeyne was married to Lord Alyn Tarbeck. She was widowed when Alyn died during the Battle Beneath the Gods Eye in 43 AC. Jeyne was pregnant when her husband died, and gave him a posthumous son a few months later.

In 47 AC, Jeyne was being courted by a younger son of Lyman Lannister, the Lord of Casterly Rock, when King Maegor I Targaryen sent for her to be wed to him. She married Maegor in a ceremony at King's Landing, along with Lady Elinor Costayne and Princess Rhaena Targaryen. As all three women had been widowed due to Maegor, they became known as the "Black Brides". The stories told of the wedding night claim that Jeyne was given a fertility potion by Queen Tyanna of the Tower, and either drank it, or threw it in Tyanna's face. After the wedding, Queen Jeyne's son was confirmed as Lord of Tarbeck Hall, and sent to Casterly Rock to be raised as a ward of Lyman Lannister.

Lord Edwell Celtigar, the Hand of the King, announced half a year after the wedding that Queen Jeyne was pregnant, and Queen Elinor's pregnancy was announced shortly afterwards. Maegor, joyful, showered both his wives with gifts and honors, and granted new lands and offices to their fathers, brothers, and uncles. Unfortunately, Jeyne's labor began three months early, and she gave birth to a stillborn child, monstrous, lacking arms and legs but possessing both male and female genitalia. Jeyne herself died soon after.

In 48 AC, Tyanna of the Tower confessed to having poisoned Jeyne's child in the womb.
This is all on the awoiaf wiki.
George is a better writer than we’ve given him credit for.
Please feel free to discuss and ask questions.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/WanderingWifie
I'm a gaming widow
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Marriage
TRIGGER WARNING: addiction, physical violence
Original Post Apr 20, 2024
How is it not me? Help me understand as a gaming widow
My(38f) husband(34m) spent $1800 in 3 months on a mobile game. He recently started purchasing google play cards behind my back so it's not apparent on the bank statement. I caught him because I found it in our truck under the seat. Now he asks for google play cards...except I'm too scared to say no..he's so mean and cold and the walls have holes from it.
I started going to therapy because he's forced us into living almost below paycheck to paycheck. Ofc we've had multiple convos and he knows he may lose me.
I asked my therapist, "How is it not my fault when the kids and me are his life he's trying to escape?" . My therapist kept repeating, "I promise it's not, this is something within him".
I hate her answer.
Can you help me see it from his view? I feel like he doesn't want to be a father to our kids (2m, 7f). Maybe he doesn't want a life with me and can't admit it? Is therapist trying to coddle me? Like is she worried if she says, "WanderingWifie, you are a shit mom. You are a shit partner. You are a shit person. This is your fault because you're a SAHM and he hates living with you in the life you've created together!" That I'll never come back or hurt myself?
He tells me, "at least I'm here. I could be doing (xyz event away from home)after work". At this point I might as well consider him a "cardboard cutout that's glued to the chair". No, really. Our 2yr son got all the way out the door when I was in the backyard letting the dogs out.
I miss my husband so fucking much. We don't go to bed together anymore. He goes to bed at around 130am. I'm never his focus after the kids go to bed. He thinks he's "present" but I doubt he could tell you the plot of any movie or show we've watched lately. He's glued to it for all but maybe 1-2 waking hours...that's me being generous and counting all total points he briefly engages with us. He gets angry when I ask for help putting the kids to bed because it's in the middle of one of his battle raids.
Please please be brutally honest. I don't want to fight for someone to stay in a life they hate.
My MIL is trying to save me from her own son Apr 21, 2024
It just hit me this morning as I sat processing my most recent appointment. It was at her insistence that I saw a therapist that worked closely with women's health. My MIL is the one that briefed the therapist on the situation with her son and his addiction.
My therapist asked, "Does your MIL know how bad the situation at home can get?".
For a moment I didn't answer and the pieces slowly came together as I spoke, "I didn't need to. She saw the holes in the wall and now the shattered glass in the cabinet. I didn't even have a conversation about the cabinet. She texted me after that she was booking me with you and that a wife should never fear her husband. But I never said I was afraid. She knew.."
I cannot imagine how hard this must have been for my MIL; accepting her son is capable of evil and knowing the therapist would guide me into seeing the addiction and abuse wasn't normal, knowing it would leave to me putting plans in place to leave him. She did this knowing the divorce will be nasty and I will have main custody of the kids.
This woman stood up for other woman over her son and I don't know how to begin to thank her.
Edit: info: FIL & MIL grew up in physically abusive households they are not abusive.
My husband is verbally abusive. The concern is it transferring from holes in the walls/smashed glass to my face being met with his fist. For those that don't see holes in walls as warnings....you are blind the way I was...it can turn on a dime, it's a question of when. I had become so used to it preaddiction that it no longer phased me as "not normal". The addiction has ramped his anger issues up. I do not feel safe saying no when he asks to spend money on it.
Edit 2: I promise to continue to update and make posts. It's hard for me to not delete because this addiction...and what it's done...not only is it not talked about (on the rise according to my therapist and WHO has classified it as a disorder similar to gambling) but people that "don't get it" are like "WHAT A LOSER". Please understand this is a 13 year relationship (married for 9 of them) and he was not always like this. I loved the man I married. I do not love this man that has replaced him.
He said something really mean but it's true Apr 27, 2024
"At least I haven't wasted 30K on an education that resulted in nothing".
We've been fighting a lot...mostly about the mobile game addiction. I don't want to get into it here but it's a lot of money and time. My post history talks more about it.
I started crying on the spot when he said it. It was a low blow for many reasons.

1. I tried several different majors in my 20's but bad mental health got in my way and I failed.
   
2. I graduated last summer from a medical trade there are no jobs for.
   
3. I got fired in Jan (2 weeks from the 90 day probation) from my last job and it devastated me because I tried my hardest at it...I guess I'm just garbage at admin work.
   
4. I've been feeling very lost in life and wondering my purpose. Should I go back to my career I had before the kids? I was just a dog groomer...average at best..I tried to break away with a career change but that failed..as you can see.
   

He has tried to apologize but I'm too hurt. I don't feel like I have the right to be mad because what he said is true.
I was supposed to start volunteering at the animal shelter and groom strays for free as per my therapist's hope to "get me out there". Instead, I'm sitting with my daughter watching movies... not wanting to see the light of day.
Update: My MIL is trying to save me from her own son May 22, 2024
Well...It's been over a month... and a lot happened. He blew up my chance to volunteer at the animal shelter. He did not like it when I got strong and said, "I'm not nothing without you; I have rights, you will owe my alimony, half of the house for starters". So he went after the therapist who also mainly runs the shelter... whatever he said made her not respond to my emails or messages. I believe he accused her of purposely ruining a marriage and probably some legal threat from his response. I'm really sad and feel like I can't trust therapists after this...I worry that maybe I'm too damaged... mostly I wonder what was said. I feel freaking abandoned but I don't want to unpack that in this post tbh.
Last night all hell broke loose and I said the words out loud, "I want a seperation- I'm done". I was/am done with doing all the house chores; (laundry, dishes, all & any house cleaning, pet feeding/walking/poop clean up, all the emotional labor of helping 7f with school & teachers, taking on all the finances because he can't be trusted not to spend stupidly & selfishly). I was/am tired of doing all the potty training with 2m and 95% of diapers. I was/am tired of feeling embarassed to let people in the house because of the holes in walls.
I bet you can guess how well it went. New wall holes. Hooray. I went into the laundry room, locked it, and screamed, "No! You don't come in here! This is my safe space. I will fucking call the cops.".
I stayed there for two hours. He kept trying to get me to come out and talk. I said, "I do not feel like we can have a conversation without fighting. " each time. Then I went to bed and pretended to sleep as he got ready for work (omg I was so happy he got called in).
In the morning I texted my mil that it was over and I was leaving at the end of the month. I asked her to make sure he has support during this time...because...I still love him and don't want him to anything dumb. She responded with simply "We (meaning my fil as well) love you ". Omg I cried. I cried because, as a mother myself, I cannot imagine how painful this is for her.
Later on my husband called me. I listened to that canary sing like his life depended on it. He said he would delete the game or not spend anything on it. He said he would create a chore sch with me so I wouldn't be doing everything.
My heart so badly wanted to believe it. I knew I couldn't give in...he needed to feel the gravity of his fuck ups; the almost 3k he spent on a game in 4 months, preventing me from going to therapy, ruining my chance to restart my former career (dog groomer), and just everything.
So that's all for now...I'm sitting here..at midnight...nervous for when he comes home tomorrow (he's gone 12-48 hours at a time for his job).
Ps. My dad is doing his second round of chemo and so far-so good. They did find cancer in his lymph nodes after surgery..so yes it spread but not as bad as it could be. Thank-you to the redditor's that said such kind things.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP when asked why she is still talking to her husband and doesn't take the kids and leave

It's a funny thing. This is someone I've been with for 13 years. The major shift in everything happened 4 months ago when he found the game. It's not so easy when you've been a sahm for 7 years esp in this job market.
I used to say the same thing as you when I heard of people in abusive situations. All I can say is unless you've been in a situation similar you do not and cannot possibly understand.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Chemical-Scarcity964
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
RECAP
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
 
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!

OP: That's part of it. He wants us to fix & give him the vehicle. All of them need at least a few hundred in repairs. He has no interest in paying us for anything. He is just set on guilt tripping his son. My husband has told me everything from the start & said it's all up to me, my uncles, my vehicles, my decision.

SawwhetMA: So FIL set you up to lose out on a property if your SO passed away before FIL did? I'm glad to hear you bought him out and that's set now . If you find it in your heart to give him one of the vehicles then you may be a better person than I because I'm not sure if I could, given the history. What if (when probate is set and all) you offer to rent him one of the vehicles? Obviously that isn't what he wants, but you'd get some income but still own it to sell it when he was done with the vehicle?
Good luck!

OP: He would run it into the ground & I would end up having to go get it when he refused to pay. It's just frustrating because I like his wife & would consider doing it to help her, if he would just man up & ask. Instead, he tries to play the poor me card.

Dixieland_Insanity: INFO:
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?

OP: He knew my uncles fairly well since they were basically the last of my family. He doesn't really know what the full inheritance is, but the vehicles were the most obvious. He has told him no a couple of times. Everything FIL gets tight on funds he asks again.

Cdn_Giants_Fan: Not The A•H. But that said I would probably sell him one of the vehicles for its bluebook value and say pay 100 bucks a week. And if he says anything about it saybthat perhaps if you weren't such an asshat to me I would've just let you have it. Then if he starts being nice after it's partially paid off tell him hes good. He learns a lesson and you earn some money.

OP: I would never see a dime. He thinks that being "the father" means he is owed something from my husband and, by extension, me. Honestly, even if he offered me full value in cash, I would probably laugh at him & tell him to shove off.

VadersLoversLover: Gift it to your MIL with a lien on it so he can’t change to title.

OP: Due to a medical issue, she can't drive and had to surrender her license. That makes it impossible to register it in her name because she can't be insured as a driver.

 
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
 

----NEW UPDATE----

Final Update: May 22, 2024 (five months later)
A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues

OOP: Thank you. Its kinda sad that your kind words are enough to make me want to cry because it's expected that I am the strong one for everyone else. I don't really get to give myself time to be weak. And you are right. If it were not for my kids, I probably would have been completely broken.
My uncles had other health problems, no cancer at all that I know of & most of our family lived into their 70s and 80s. I am definitely working on getting my little health concerns checked out, though.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Join me in tagging luckjes112 to wish them a Happy Birthday! If you'd like to send a little somethin', you can see the [wishlist here](Can't use Amazon. Reddit Flair says enough, I think?)!

This is my first ever attempt at posting on reddit. Please be gentle, this interaction is still bothering me from earlier today and I really want to understand. I do listen to smosh, two hot takes, and Charlotte discussing these posts more then I should and I am hoping that will help. On to the story. For context I had a root canal on one of my canine teeth an I had just left this appointment with a numb upper lip and a terrible urge to pee. As I walked onto walmart, I quickly checked out the plants; I couldn't help myself and parked on that side of the store since it is always less busy.I quickly walked to grab the few items I had stopped for; checked out and went to the bathroom after paying for everything but not grabbing my receipt.tried to hit the text receipt button but I really didn't care and had to go. Normally I woul have went to the restroom first but was in a hurry and the bathroom was n the way out. As I tried to leave a greeter stopped me an asked For my receipt. I said I didn't have it and obliviously kept trying to exit lol He stopped me again more persistently and said he needed the receipt or had to go to customer service. I said I did not want to go to customer service. The line was like 7 deep and i asked why I would need to go to customer service when I had just purchased my items and I am trying to exit the store. I was getting louder so the lady looked at me from customer service and I explained again the situation, I knew even knew the total was $59. She said I was good because I had my items in bags? It took everythung in me not to say "thank you come again" because the man that stopped me resembled apoo from the simpsons. I have so many questions and am pretty offended, tbh. I was dressed in Business causal clothes because I had been working at the hospital I work at prior to all this. I can't understand who this guy thinks he is, and where is loss prevention if you think i am stealing? I am not a theif and I don't steal. I worked 2.5 hours for the contents in the 2 bags I had. I didn't set off any alarms and/or wasn't doing anything suspicious on purpose or that I can think of. I try to be respectful and not act like a Karen but I still had to pick up my daughter and had a long drive home. AITAH for getting frustrated with the walmart greeter today?

I know I know, why are we even wasting 5minutes on an ex? I’ve just always opted to take the high road and I just can’t decide here. Does sending a text imply you want to rekindle things? I really just want to send good vibes and then disappear again, but is it worth it then?
our breakup from 4yrs was savage. a text from him and then some kind of no contact. he was always the first to ever reach out, but casually and briefly. he did end up chasing a mutual after 2 months of “healing”. i mailed a birthday card with a gift card last year, even though we were already a few weeks split up. he thanked me for the gesture and for being me but, I think he mistook it bc he also mentioned we shouldn’t think to get back together—even though i didnt hint to it. I just knew how sad I felt readjusting, and wanted to still be kind on the last bday of his I thought I would acknowledge. unfortunately, when my birthday came around a few months later, he did not reach out… maybe at that time he was still riding the high of a rebound, and only now he’s actually starting to feel remorse and process the break up.
that leads me to today. part of me feels like I should match his energy and not greet, but I would feel guilty. I don’t want to start convo, but I don’t want it to be assumed unkind to ignore the day. maybe im not completely ready to bury it. he has since apologized at the end of last year and once more a month ago. I will attach his latest apology. he was definitely the villain in the end, but after seeing this second go round of apologies, although we’re kind of no contact still, I kind of want to greet him—in case he’s really changed and to the least deserving of acknowledgement.
pros and cons of texting? will I look silly or send mixed signals?
im not sure if his reaching out again was closure for him, or if passively putting the ball in my park.
the apology that made me question texting:

It’s not just today, it’s anytime I think of how I could’ve been better tbh. It’s when I notice what I’m doing now and I catch myself later on being sad and recognizing if only I could’ve been that way with you when you needed me to be.
I know I caused so much hurt and pain for so long you didn’t deserve that from me. It’s not guilt or apologizes that you bring by mentioning this it’s just the truth. What my heart feels and it’s because deep down inside through all of it all there’s love and will always be love for you. For who you were to me and the girl that I wanted to be with and was with. But I guess that’s life
no this is not some sad feel sorry for me but more you deserve to know that I know I messed up in a lot of things and I’ve recognized it.
I’m just honestly grateful that you do not hate me. Your love was pure and kind. The memories and times we had are real and I think that at the times were we had so many storms I just wasn’t strong enough or ready. And I’m sorry I hope you know that things always remind me of you of us and it’s hard. I do hope and always wish for the best for you and just hope that you are okay.
And I say that genuinely with a heavy heart that knows what I did to you and wishes that it could’ve been better for us. I took you for granted is the truth.

Do I text because maybe deep down I’m trying to also keep the memory alive? Or maybe he’d prefer I didn’t reach out, advice please!

Hey, I’m just so very sad. I have one daughter and another on the way. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter and the next one to come more than anything. But my spouse is so mean to me all of the time. No matter what I do she it getting angry at me. Like not a normal wife anger. It’s like so unreasonable every single day I just can’t handle life anymore. I try so hard to be positive and love my family but I’m just so down and depressed. The only thing that gets me through these days is weed which I also want to stop. I want to be a good father for my children but I don’t feel as if I can be myself due to my spouse being so mean and angry all of the time. Like today for example was my birthday, the morning went alright and then we went for lunch to a restaurant with my daughter and spouse. My spouse told me that we need to pick up glue and a small bic lighter. I asked why we needed the bic lighter and she said cause it’s smaller. Which I didn’t really understand so I inquired further why we needed the small bic lighter (cause I’m curious) she then started to get very angry why I’m asking this.(the reason was that she couldn’t grip the bigger one we had at home and needed a smaller one, which is more than 100% ok with me) but it got so intense that it ruined the entire day. She put headphones in when we were at lunch, and hasn’t apologized or anything. The rest of my birthday has been terrible as well, if it hadn’t been for my 3.5 year old daughter I would have broken down fully today. I know that fight seems like a wtf fight but it’s like this almost every single day. I’m constantly walking on eggshells and idk what to do. Any advice I’ve been given I have tried and it has failed. My marriage is so far gone idk if it can come back. I love my daughters so much and I fully understand what can happen if we split. I just don’t know how to handle her anymore. There is so much to my relationship that I don’t even know what to say, I’m just so fucking sad and hurt every single day. No matter what strategies I do it doesn’t work, she is so unreasonable and angry all of the time. The anger comes out very quickly and there is nothing I can do to remedy it when it happens. I know it’s abusive towards my daughter and I but I also strangely enough, love my wife. Idk what I’m asking for or anything, I’m just so sad and hurt right now idk what else to do.

sorry long post
today i took my daughter (4) to her swim class. there is a another little girl there my daughter talks to, and they have fun in the class together. for context i sit by the pool and watch her. my daughter was sitting next to this little girl during the lesson when the girls mom came from the viewing room and yelled at my daughter "don't put your hands on my daughter again. put your hands on her again and see what happens.", and stormed back to the viewing area.
i immediately saw my child was uneased. for context i do not yell at my child. i am a preschool teacher and as someone who was yelled at as a child i do not see it beneficial. i asked the teacher what happened the teacher did not know, my daughter was too scared to speak and the girl said my daughter just bumped her body into her. i went out to the viewing room to ask the mom what happened and she yelled at me stating "your kid put her hands on my child. i need to defend her. this is not the first time. see what happens if she does it again." i told her my child bumped her shoulder, to which she told me "this is all the time. it's not my fault you can't disapline your child. she doesn't listen and she is the reason this class is a mess." she then told me to have a nice day. our daughters have been in this class together since march, and she has never come up to me to say anything. our daughters have even talked to each other in the line to enter the pool and she never said a word.
i went back to the pool to check on my daughter, who was so upset she didn't want to swim anymore. she was suppose to do a test to go to the next level but she was to upset to. i decided to just take her and go home.
before leaving i told the front desk the woman the woman scared and threaten my child that she did not swim today because of it. i wanted to know if she could make it up a different day, and be moved to the next class up. they told me they would do this for me, as well as talk to the woman and tell her her daughter can not swim there anymore. they said they thought it was best for us to leave in case the lady became more irritated when they talked to her.
im going to go back in the morning to confirm she is gone, because my daughter is scared of her. she is very confused and when i asked her about it later on she said "her friends mom didn't like something".
u just want to make sure i handle this situation well and was a good example for my daughter. she loves swimming and i would hate for her to be scared in a place she loves. now that she has moved up she will be in a class with my boyfriends daughter so at least she will still feel like she has a friend in the class.
thanks for reading