Birthday kindergarten

This is the first time I have written something of this length, and is more of an exercise in self-therapy than anything else. Disclaimer: This story contains conversations about child abuse. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it.
Nathan’s number appeared on my phone screen. I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while, and while we did keep in touch sporadically, it was usually because of important family issues. I didn’t know of anything happening with mom or dad, nor with Talia or Rio, so I let it go to voicemail. I could always call him back later. I placed the phone back in my pocket, and returned to cleaning my camera. The phone buzzed again. A text message came through. I read the preview line from the home screen. “The city declared eminent domain on the house” I unlocked my phone, read the full text message, and dialed my brother.
I wasn't able to get any closer to the house than a few blocks. Most of the area was blocked off with chain link fencing and construction equipment in preparation for the demolition that was supposed to take place within the coming days. The barriers didn’t prevent people from walking in to the neighborhood, but it hindered scrappers from coming in and stripping the houses of copper wiring and plumbing.
I grabbed my camera bag out of the trunk of my car along with my tripod. I shouldered it and hooked the tripod to my bag. I pulled my water bottle out of the center console and shut the door. I stood next to my car surveying the neighborhood. 12 city blocks of old single family homes comprised the neighborhood where I grew up. Some of the houses had been empty for months, others for years. There was an eerie silence that permeated the still air. I could not hear the familiar sounds of people, pets, or cars. I locked the car and put my keys in my pocket. I patted my jacket down to ensure I had what I needed. After a quick check, I started my walk.
The sidewalk of the old neighborhood streets still bore the familiar cracks and grind marks from years of buckling and remedy. Leaves dropped by the trees still lay scattered all along the pathways and sidewalk. Korina’s house was the first house I encountered as I made my way through a gap in the fence. The yard was overgrown with tall grass and thistle. I could see the faded blue paint of the old house contrasting the green and browns of the lawn. The chain link fence that marked off the corner property was nearly invisible through the thick brush. As I continued walking west towards 110th, I started to feel something was off. The streets seemed wider than I remembered. It took me longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I realized what was different. There were no cars.
The streets here typically had cars lined bumper to bumper in any spot available, and were visible from block to block. The absence of all these vehicles made me realize just how deserted the neighborhood really was. House after house, yard after yard, the telltale signs of desertion reinforced what I could see from the moment I passed the construction fence: This was no longer my neighborhood. There were no signs of life, and no one I could expect to find still here. Abandonment was the new normal here. I continued on, glancing at houses and recalling memories of summer bike rides, and daily walks with dogs I used to have. I remembered walks home from school, and chasing after ice cream trucks when they passed our houses. I smiled a bit as I remembered more and more of my years spent here. I don’t quite know just why I was smiling. There were plenty of bad memories here too. Fights, yelling, being beat up, being robbed. I could remember failed friendships, lost loves, and bitter feelings of failures too.
Still, I felt a certain amount of nostalgia despite the weight of these negative feelings. I almost wanted to experience everything again, although I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way. Concrete, asphalt, billboards and liquor stores were the normal vistas of everyday life. Occasionally, after a good rainstorm, the grey haze of smog would lift, and the mountains would be visible to the north. At least, they would be visible until mid-morning when the exhaust from a million cars covered them behind a veil of pollution.
It wasn’t until the first time I travelled out of the city that I realized there was more to see. Traveling up the coast north along the Pacific Coast Highway introduced me to scenes of deep blue ocean water spanning the width of my vision. Driving up Highway 3 introduced me to the permeating scent of Pine and Fir trees. The two-lane stretch of highway from Portland to Tillamook introduced me to lush green forests that I had only ever read about. When I came home to the same old dirty, dusty concrete and boiling summer asphalt, I had made up my mind. I would do everything it took to leave this place. I would not spend another day longer than was necessary living in cramped quarters and fighting for parking space.
I arrived to the house, and paused at the gate. The house sat in contrast of what the rest of the neighborhood looked like. Instead of overgrown grass and tall weeds all over the place, the landscaping showed signs of relatively recent work. The guava tree in the front lawn still had some fruit ready to be picked, and the avocado tree on the other side of the pathway was still weighed down by its own fruit. Flowers still bloomed in the raised bed in front of the house. My brother had clearly tried to keep up on things until the last possible moment. The house, too, looked better than what I expected after walking up 4 blocks and seeing nothing but dilapidated houses and unkempt yards. I opened the gate and walked up to the small porch. The metal gate that enclosed it was gone having been removed by my brother when he took over the property. It looked nice to see it open instead of the cage it once felt like.
I turned the knob on the door, but it didn't give. Ever a creature of habit, my brother had locked the door when he left. Of course, he did. I sighed and prepared to find another way in when I remembered my parents hiding a spare key. I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but after running my hands along the back side of the gutter downspout, I was rewarded for my efforts. I unlocked the front door and stepped into the front living room, the sounds of my footsteps and the closing door echoing in the empty space. The room felt both larger and smaller than I remembered it. I suppose it was lack of furniture that made it feel larger, but it still felt smaller than I remember. The result of growing taller throughout the years I suppose. I slowly walked along the slate tile floor towards the central hallway that connected the front of the house to the back bedrooms. I wasn't entirely sure that just because the front door was locked, that there wasn't some squatter looking for a little temporary shelter within the back rooms. I carefully and silently crept step by step towards what used to be the bedroom shared by my sister and me. I stuck my head in and gave the room a cursory glance. It was empty, thankfully. I moved back into the hallway and peered into the bedroom across the hall. This is where both of my brothers had shared a room. It too, was empty save for a few boxes holding hardware and doorknobs from the closet doors of the bedroom. I walked back towards the back of the house where my parent's bedroom was. The walls in the hallway bore the dusty signs where picture once hung. The bedroom door was open. I stepped inside, and looked around. The old avocado paint that my mom had picked out years ago still adorned the walls. Walking further towards the addition that was the small room my grandma and grandpa lived in showed that there was no one here. I breathed a sigh of relief as I set my bag down and set up my tripod. I reached into my bag a pulled out an envelope of old photos. These were old snapshots that we had all taken at some point in time in the house. There were pictures of all of us sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Monopoly. There was a picture of my brother and sister sitting on a couch in the front living room. There was a picture of me hanging on the bars of the front porch. I looked through them all and held them in place in front of me as if I were holding a window to the past.
Each picture made the lump in my throat grow as I started to struggle to control my emotions. There was history here, and soon it would all be gone. This is the place where my parents had raised four kids. They had taken care of my grandparents in their twilight years here. My Aunt and my grandmother had both died in this house. Birthdays, graduation parties, and anniversaries had been celebrated here. The echoes of life had reverberated within the walls of this place. Now, the house sat silent. It would never again know happy screams of kids having a water-balloon war out in the front yard, nor would it hear the cries of anguish as the matriarch of the family passed away surrounded by her family. What once was a home full of life was now just an empty house made of drywall and paint. I sat there for a moment contemplating just how much family history was actually made here. As I thought hard about my siblings and my parents, I felt pained at the thought of our strained relationships. We had all scattered once we had the opportunity to be free of each other. My oldest brother had married and moved away as soon as possible. My sister now lived in northern California. My parents too had moved away. I was now living in Utah. Only my older brother had remained behind. The lump grew larger in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. I held back sobs of anger and pain. Why was I hurting? Hadn’t I dealt with these issues already? I walked back to my old bedroom and sat down under the window. I pulled my head down into my knees and cried. I could hear yelling and screaming in my head. Shouting matches between siblings and parents, brothers and sister, rattled inside my brain, making the pain grow. I sat there and cried. I hadn’t cried like this in a long time. Eventually I ran out of tears and tired gasps of sorrow and regret washed over me as a blanket of drowsiness enveloped me. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps. It took me a moment to realize what I was hearing and hurriedly stood up. Had someone followed me? I knew the police were patrolling the area sporadically. Had they seen me enter the house? I knew there would be a possibility of getting a trespassing citation, but I figured I could either talk my way out of it seeing as to how I was a former resident, or I could probably fight the citation in court if the judge knew why I was there in the first place. Ultimately, passing through the gate had been a calculated risk that I was willing to take for the sake of my art. I got up from my corner of the room and moved towards the door. If there was someone in the house, I needed to know. I didn’t want my gear to stolen, and if there was a cop in the house, I wanted to ensure I didn’t get shot.
I was greeted by the sight of a startled chubby boy standing on the other side of the door. His round cherubic face was crowned by a head of short curly hair. His hazel green eyes stared widely back at me. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be here in the house. His body recoiled in fear as he cowered back towards the hallway. “Wait, what are you doing here?” I asked as non-threateningly as I could. The boy muttered something that I couldn’t quite make out. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” I replied. “Are you here to rob us?” he timidly responded. “Rob you? What are you talking about?” I asked as confusion set in. “What are you doing here?” It was his turn to be confused. “Uh…I….live here?” he replied. “What do you mean you live here? No one lives-“I stopped midsentence. I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock but the room wasn’t the same. A familiar blue couch caught the corner of my eye. In front of that was an old console TV with a partially broken antenna hanging on the wall behind it. I walked further in to the living room to notice wood paneling on the walls. A large mirror hung on the wall to my left. Familiar yellow lamps sat on round drop-leaf tables on either side of the couch. A large hutch sat in one corner, a collection of letters and bills, mail advertisements, and a phone book covered scattered over it. “What just happened?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. I was thoroughly mystified by what my eyes were seeing. I had walked into the house from the front door and had stepped into an empty white room with slate floor tiles, but somehow now found myself in a furnished room with brown carpet that was all so familiar to me, yet was nothing but a distant faded memory. I turned to look at the boy still startled by the intrusion of a strange man looking wildly around the room in total shock.
“You can take what you want, just please let me go. I don’t want problems.” He stated his voice still shrill with anxiety. I blinked a few times as I tried to process just what the heck was going on. I gathered my thoughts as best I could and tried to reassure him. “Kid, I’m not here to rob anyone. I was just-“I shook my head “Where the hell am I? Am I having a dream?” I asked myself. “I must be dreaming. I’m just tired and still sleeping. This is all a dream. Yeah, that’s it.” I needed to sit down. Being back in the old house must have overtaxed my senses, I told myself. I’d having a dream about an old memory. I walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat down. I sunk into it and rested my head back towards the wall.
The boy kept his distance, but sensed I wasn’t there to hurt him. He looked me over with anxious curiosity. He stood at the far end of the couch, examining me while he played out scenarios in his head in preparation for a quick exit. “Why are you in my house?” he asked me. “Dude, this is all just a dream I’m having. I’m not really here.” He reached over to the couch and picked up a pillow. He reared his arm and threw it at me. It landed in my lap. “I don’t know, man. You sure seem to be here.” He said to me. I opened my eyes, startled. I looked down at the pillow he tossed and examined it. I ran my hand over the fabric and felt its texture. I remember this pillow. This was the pillow I would roll under my head as I lay on the couch and watched TV as a kid. A sudden realization hit me as I looked around the room with fresh eyes. No longer was I blinded by the fog of confusion. I knew exactly where I was.
I was home.
I looked at the boy still standing at the edge of the couch. I looked him over and realized who he actually was. I stared in disbelief as I smiled and tried to put him at ease. “It’s ok Johnny. I’m not here to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. Please, sit down” I told him. I motioned to his end of the couch. “Who are you, and why are you here?” he asked me.
“This will be hard to believe, but I’m you” I said with an incredulous tone, “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I’m here.” He looked at me as I had grown a second head. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be me? Did we invent time travel? Oh! Are we secret government agents with the CIA?”
I chuckled. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m you at 38 years old. You’re…what, 11… 12 years old? It makes sense. I fell asleep under the window in my- our old bedroom. I didn’t come here on purpose or in a machine. And no, I’m not a government agent.” His face contorted to display understanding, disappointment and finally suspicion. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in towards me. “How do I know you’re really me?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. How could I prove to him that I was who I said I was? A few seconds of silence settled between us. I stroked my chin, thinking of a solution.
“I have a better idea. Ask me questions that only you know the answers to.” “Okay” he responded. He glanced around the room trying to come up with something. His eyes fixated on the Nintendo sitting under the TV cabinet. “What game do me and Nathan have a map of?” I looked over at the NES. I hadn’t thought about this for years, but I knew instantly what he was asking. “YOU don’t have anything. Nathan is the one that made the map for Section Z” His jaw dropped. He tried to trick me, but his plan failed. He knew well and good that Nathan never let him play. It was always ‘I’ll let you play when I die’ or, ‘you can play when I’m done’. The problem was that he never followed through. Usually by the time Nathan was done, the NES was overheated, and the game would no longer load until it cooled down. By that point, it was time for bed.
“How do you know that?” he asked in astonishment. “I know these things because I’m you. Just like I know that you wear t-shirts to the pool because you’re embarrassed by what others will think of your body. I know that you used to think that people that die off in movies were prisoners that were set to be executed from death row, so they used them for making movies. I know all about you because I’m you”
Johnny sat on the end of the couch in bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape. He had never told anyone any of this. He didn’t have any close friends to talk to about such things, and those friends he did have were more acquaintances than friends. There was only one way he could possibly know these things. He was talking to his future self.
I could see Johnny’s mind completely explode. There lay endless possibility and the answers to a million questions he could ask about his own future. He started to ask a question, only to stop, close his mouth, and try asking another. I knew if he kept this up he would have a stroke or something. “Dude, calm yourself. Let’s talk this out rationally, otherwise you’ll end up stroking out or something.” I told him. He took a deep breath and I could hear him muttering quietly. I knew he was trying to form a coherent sentence before he actually spoke it. I did it all the time. “Ok, first of all, are we rich?” he asked with tempered expectation. I chuckled and grinned back at him. “No, not at all. If I was rich, would I be dressed like this?” I replied as I motioned to my beat up brown Vans and worn out jeans and T-shirt. “We-, I – make enough to get by. I’m not poor, but I earn enough to pay the bills.” His face grew a smirk as he commented “Yeah, I figured. What do I do for work? I mean, what do you do for work?” I thought about it for a second. I wondered how much information I should divulge to a younger me. I still didn’t think this whole situation was really happening, but if it was, I probably should proceed with caution. “Well, it’s complicated. I do a little bit of everything. You know how you’re constantly taking things apart? Let’s just say that it’s good to put them back together in order to keep them working. Take good notes on paper if you need to, and make sure you have a clean work area so you can keep track of all the parts.” He gave me a sheepish look. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had spent countless hours sneaking dad’s tools to my room so I could figure out how something was built and try to figure out how it worked. I had gotten myself into some pretty bad trouble with dad over a drill, his timing light, and other stuff I had taken from his room. His belt had become quite familiar with my butt cheeks.
I gave him a knowing smile. “What else do you want to know?” He thought about it for a second. “Do we have a girlfriend?” I laughed, probably a little more than I should have because his face contorted into a sour frown. “You don’t need to be a jerk about it” he scowled. I continued to chuckle. “Yeah we have a girlfriend. We have more than a girlfriend” I could tell he was irritated with my vague indirect answers. I knew what he was asking. I remember the crush I had on my neighbor across the street. We had been friends since kindergarten, and had been classmates for 1st, 2nd, and 4th grades. We got along really well, and I knew from around 12 or 13 that I wanted to be her boyfriend. Unfortunately, things never progressed beyond the ‘just friends’ stage of things. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part. We had just grown up together most of our lives that she didn’t see me as anything more than a brother and friend. “Dude, look. You just started to go through changes and you are starting to notice girls, but that doesn’t mean that you need to love every girl that shows you a little kindness or subtle interest. You need to slow down and let things happen naturally. You can’t force a relationship with someone.” Johnny pondered these words for a moment. I sat back and put my feet up on the coffee table. I looked around the room some more while I waited for another question. There was so much I had forgotten, but being back here had unlocked more and more memories that continued to wash over me. I was trying to hold on to my cool as not all those churned up recollections were pleasant. I stood up and walked over to the front door to peer outside the small central window embedded into the center of it. I could see the old neighborhood as I remembered it all those years ago. The lot across the street that served as a parking area for those that worked at the wheel works at the end of the block was empty of cars. I furrowed my brow as I thought for a moment. An empty lot meant it was afterhours or the weekend.
The gears in my own head started turning. “Wait, where is everyone?” I asked Johnny. Johnny turned to look at me still processing my last response. “Uh..oh, Mom and dad are out of town. They took a trip east this time. I think Rio said they are in Arizona right now. Rio and Nathan went out to get some food and to rent some movies from Video Showcase. Knowing them they’ll eat out first. Talia is staying over at Tia Rosie’s place today with her friends.” I grunted at his response. My mind was wandering as he mentioned Talia and Tia Rosie.
A sudden sharp pain pieced my heart. The pain of a thousand memories now unsealed spilled out from the box I had locked them away in. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as I turned back to look at Johnny. He felt it too. He stared at the floor with an intensity that made me think it would burst into flames at any moment. I walked back over to him and sat next to him. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he threw himself into me. I could feel the tears dripping onto me as he sobbed intensely. “Hey man, its ok. It’s going to be ok.” I said as my own tears started to flow uncontrollably. I pulled him close and draped my other arm around him.
I knew the pain he was feeling. It was such a heavy burden, and I knew there was no one he felt he could talk to. I remembered it all so vividly. We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. When we finally stopped sobbing, and our noses ran dry, we tried to breathe our way through to calmness. I got up and knelt in front of him. “Johnny, listen to me and remember what it is that I’m about to say to you. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you believe. NO ONE should ever have to go through this. Just because it happened to Talia, doesn’t mean you have to put up with it any longer. I know you didn’t think it was wrong, but I’m telling you that what she is doing to you is wrong. Talking to mom and dad isn’t going to make them hate you. You are not doing this to her, she is doing it to you. I’m not making excuses for her, but she is also more damaged than anyone realizes, and she is also dealing with the same level of pain you are. Remember that we do unto others what has been done to us. That doesn’t mean we need to continue the cycle of abuse” The lump in my throat grew immense at my own statement. I swallowed it as best I could and continued “You are going to deal with this pain a little bit at a time, and you’ll slowly get over this. It’s like a broken bone. When it happens, you don’t realize how bad the pain is until the adrenaline wears off, but then the immense pain is there. Just remember that this will pass. Just like a broken bone, you will heal over time, and one day, you will realize that the pain is gone and the bone is no longer broken. You’ll remember the pain, but it won’t hurt anymore.”
Johnny sat there in stunned silence. I knew he didn’t have anyone to help him through this. He couldn’t talk to Rio or Nathan about what was going on. Mom and Dad were constantly working to keep the family fed and sheltered and while they provided materially for their kids, emotional help was less available. Perhaps it was due to their energies being divided into 4 kids, a mortgage and multiple jobs, or perhaps it was also the culture of not talking about problems. Either way, they needed to know what was happening. They wouldn’t be able to fix it otherwise. “They’re going to be mad at me” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “No they won’t be. They love us all. I know you’re not used to hearing it, but they do love you. Everything they do is because of their love for us. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Telling them isn’t going to cause them to be angry.” I thought for a moment to find a good analogy. “You love Odie and Lady, right?” He nodded in agreement. “Ok, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted was coming to the house and beating up our dogs when we weren’t around?” He thought about it for a second before his face changed to anger. “I’d want to kill them!” “Yes, but would you also feel sad that you weren’t there to try to protect them?” I reasoned. His face changed again. He understood what I was saying. Mom and Dad would be angry, but not necessarily at him. They would also feel a great sadness knowing that someone was hurting their child.
I smiled at him. He understood. I nodded. “Dude…You’re going to come to understand that life is not what you think it will be. Life is messy and can change in an instant. The plans you make today may not make it to next week. A lifelong goal can be derailed because of something out of your control. Mom and dad have spent their life protecting us with the goal of keeping us safe, but circumstances out of their control have affected their kids, and now we- you all have to deal with the fallout. Just remember that you are not the culprit. Yes, mom and dad will be hurt and angry, but not at you. Trust them. They don’t do things to hurt us” Johnny hugged me. I- He didn’t have many people he could trust and open up to. He liked to talk a lot about everything going on in his life, no matter how trivial. Everything, except this. This was a shameful topic, and he didn’t feel like anyone would understand why he didn’t go to an adult sooner. The problem was simple. He simply didn’t understand that it was wrong. Now that he had an adult that he could talk to, himself no less, he wanted to lift this burden off his shoulders. He was happy to have found someone and he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just at tightly. It wasn’t every day that I could meet my younger self and help to comfort them. “Thank you” he said to me.
The world darkened, and everything faded to black.
I lifted my head out of my knees and looked around. I was sitting under the window in my old bedroom again. Had I fallen asleep? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. I was emotionally drained and incredibly tired. I hadn’t had sleep like that in years. I got to my feet and looked around the room briefly before walking out to mom and dad’s old room. I grabbed my camera and slowly walked the house, snapping picture after picture. The only sound to be heard was the sound of the camera shutter and my soft footsteps. I thought about my dream as I took pictures.
Upon entering my room, a random memory hit me.
The stash.
I was pretty sure I had taken the hidden box when I moved out all those years ago, but since I was here, I should double check. Heading into the closet, I pushed the panel that led to the attic space out of the way and peered in. I couldn’t see anything, so I reached up there to feel around. The box was indeed gone. I felt around for a few more seconds and was surprised to feel what felt like a thick envelope. I didn’t remember leaving anything up there, but after pulling it down and giving it a cursory glance, I figured it was an old envelope of lost love letters. It wasn’t until I blew off the thick layer of dust that I realized what I was holding. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was addressed to me.
Under the now semi-cleared layer of dust were the words “To be opened by future me”. I looked at it for a few moments before opening it. I couldn’t remember making this at all, much less storing it up in my secret hiding spot. If ever I hid something, it was in the stash box. My hands shook a bit as I started to open the envelope and pulled out the yellowed pages inside. I started reading.
"Dear Future John. I have spent the last few years remembering a dream I had when I was younger. Life was…difficult at that time, and I spent a lot of time escaping my reality by reading a lot of books and watching a lot of TV. On the off-chance that what I think is a dream really happened. I wanted to write some things down in an effort to give you my thanks. I merely consider myself a conveyer of thanks, although I will pile on my own thanks to you for your words of encouragement. I remember finding a stranger in the house one day while I was home alone. I was afraid he was there to hurt me at first, but after a few moments, I came to realize I was meeting myself. Well, I was meeting me, but from the future. I think he said he was in his 40’s, but I couldn’t tell you with any certainty. Either way, we talked. We talked about life, and what the future held in store for us…
Mostly though, we talked about the abuse. Well, Talked is being generous. We cried, and then we talked. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, but I remember how he made me feel. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could trust him. Trust myself. In the end, he gave me the courage to stand up for myself both at home and at school. He also gave me the courage to talk to mom and dad about what was going on between me and Talia. I do remember being afraid that I would be punished, but he reassured me that they wouldn’t, and that they loved me.
It was a difficult and awkward conversation, but in the end, arrangements were made for me to share a room with Rio and Nathan. I didn’t have much of a relationship with Talia for a long while, but after some years, we managed to patch things up. She apologized to me, and I came to understand the abuse she herself was subjected to by so-called family friends. She didn’t tell me this in an effort to excuse it, but to merely help give me closure to a difficult time from my own childhood. Mom and dad promised to be more attentive to us and we sort of established what I guess you would call an open door policy. We talk more about stuff that’s happening in our lives. Mom is much easier to talk to now. Dad is a little more patient with us too. I apologized to them for not coming to them sooner, and dad gave me a “nugget of wisdom” that I think I’ll live by: We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken. I’ve tried to make sure I talk to them when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to implement that in my life so I don’t have problems with other people.
I’m trying to grow up to be a good guy. I want to have good relationships with people. Nathan says I’m turning into a people pleaser, but I don’t necessarily see that as a terrible thing. I know when to say no to someone. Well, either way, I wanted to make sure I thank you for the help you gave us. I probably won’t remember writing this, but I hope I do find it again someday. Here’s hoping I turn into the man I feel you are. -John Age 16."
I stared at the letter, the words blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away as I quietly spoke to no one in particular. “Thanks guys. I hope I live up to your expectations” I folded the letter, placed it in my pocket, and walked out of the room. After picking up my backpack and tripod, I silently walked towards the front door, my footsteps echoing in the empty house. I turned to look back at the empty living room one last time, and after a moment, I walked out.

I (43M) and my wife (38F) are both very healthy individuals, we used to exercise everyday and rarely eat anything with excessive sugar or fats. Growing up my father had contracted lung cancer and I was told that cancer was a very common thing within our family so I was warned if I was to have kids that it was gonna be a possibility. I didn't want kids but my wife was someone who grew up in a very small family and wanted to have children, she gave the ultimatum that either we have a family or she leaves. I love my wife and never wanted to be separated from her so I caved in and we started trying for children.
8 years ago we gave birth to my son Elliot (not his real name) and during the pregnancy there had been absolutely no signs that he was anything but normal. However when he was born, he was quickly taken away from my wife and I with the nurses panicking, an hour later being told that our son had cerebral palsy. Apparently according to my wife, it had been genetic in her family but that she didn't think it was worth it to tell me. When Elliot was three, he was diagnosed with leukemia and was told he was only going to have a small handful of years to live despite taking chemo.
Because of this, I asked my wife if we could have another child to replace Elliot when he passes away, my wife got annoyed with this and said that our son wasn't going to die and that he would make it. But the more I looked at Elliot growing up, the more I saw just a vegetable that sits in his room all day. He's bald, can't even talk, drools everywhere and needs my wife to change him every 4 hours. I feel like I've had less of child and more of a infant. Now this is the part where I'll admit that I did something wrong but I ended up hiding my wife's birth control and "accidentally" didn't pull out when we were intimate for the first time in like three years since Elliot had been alive.
Thankfully my wife did end up getting pregnant however the 9 months that she was pregnant, were the most miserable 9 months of my life. When I get home from work I want comfort and affection from the woman that I love but whenever I would get home, I would hear my wife snoring on the couch and have to clean up Elliot and his drool and mess. I felt like I never got a break and we couldn't even get him a spot at daycare because my wife didn't approve of any of them well enough to take care of Elliot's needs.
Thankfully after the 9 months of hell, my other son was born after 72 hours of labor and a C section. My wife let me name him and I chose the name Dante (not his real name), and this child was completely normal and gave me an actual sense of what being a father was. I was almost never separated from Dante and whenever I got home, he was the first face I wanted to see. My wife started working again after my mother in law flew down when Elliot was four to come take care of our sons.
5 years later, Elliot is 8 and Dante is 5. Elliot has not even gone to a real school yet and all he does is sit in his room where my wife has now put a tv to let him watch his favorite show and he still can't talk and constantly needs to be in the same room as a my wife or he will cry. I feel as though this has put a lot of stress on Dante who has been heavily neglected by my wife in favor of Elliot all because Elliot requires a little more attention. But if you were to meet Dante, you would see how special and smart he is, in kindergarten he is already reading chapter books and can speak almost perfectly compared to Elliot who can't even say his own name.
Whenever we go out in public, I unconsciously try to step away from Elliot to not be seen with him, I'm an embarrassment to my family who says I have a dumbass for a son and I've been alienated from all my brothers who used to laugh at Elliot but my wife told me to tell them to stop so I just decided to avoid them. Just this year for Dante's birthday I ended up taking him to the amusement park which was only an hour away from our home and didn't take my wife or Elliot.
My wife only ended up finding out because Dante couldn't shut his mouth about it and told my wife how happy and excited he was to have the most amazing dad for his birthday. After this happened, my wife and I got in a huge argument which left her taking Elliot and moving into to her parents' house leaving me alone at home with Dante.
Currently I'm sitting at the kitchen table while Dante is at school and this has been bugging me for almost my entire father life. I need to know if I'm in the wrong for just wanting a son that I can talk to and spend time with, I can't do any of that with Elliot and I thought having Dante would fix my marriage and my mental. Please tell me what to do, I don't hate Elliot, he's my son and I love him and I also love my wife and don't wanna lose her too.

**I am NOT OP. u/ThrowRAexnocustody is the OP of this story.**
Trigger Warnings: Physical abuse, emotional abuse, drug use
AITA for telling my daughter's biological mother that she doesn't deserve to call herself a mom?, Posted October 14th, 2023
I (26F) am engaged to my fiance (33M) Brandon and have grown close with his daughter Lucy (4F). Lucy's biological mother Natalie (30F) has lost all physical and legal rights to her daughter due to neglecting her severely when Lucy was an infant, not to get into great detail but Natalie is addicted to opioids and Lucy had a withdrawal period.
Lucy and I have gotten close as I have dated my fiance for almost 4 years, Lucy was born 9 months before I came into Brandon's life, we met at the hospital as Lucy had some major health issues in her infancy due to Natalie and I have a chronic illness that pushes me into pancreatitis. She now calls me Mama even though neither I nor my fiance asked her to do so. I read her bedtime stories and I'm helping her learn to add and subtract.
During a get-together for Brandon's birthday I hosted at his house, Natalie showed up with her new boyfriend neither were invited. She tried to give Lucy a hug but Lucy didn't know her. She came to Brandon and me instead and told us a stranger had come. She then asked me to make up her plate because Natalie began to throw a tantrum in the middle of the party shouting about how she was going to take Brandon to court and because she's the mom she'll win full custody because she deserves to be in her daughter's life. During this time Brandon took Lucy inside because she had started crying because she was scared.
I admit I snapped. I told her she has no right to call herself a mother because she abandoned Lucy to go get high and sleep around. She hurt my baby so bad that she's 4 and needs to go to therapy and has physical health issues because of her. That she refuses to put her baby first and at best she's an egg donor. I told her to get the fuck out of my house and never come back. She wailed all the way back to her boyfriend's car.
I admit I think I went too far. I know that drug addiction is a disease and people who suffer from substance abuse disorder need help, I think I went too far saying she was at best an egg donor. Brandon said I did nothing wrong. AITA?
Final Verdict: NTA
Relavent Comments:
NTA
MARRY then ADOPT Miss Lucy

As soon as we finalize our marriage!

NTA but prepare for worst:
It's concerning she got into your birthday celebration. Who told her about the time and place? Who opened the doors? Talk with a lawyer about all the possibities.
Ex-mom is delusional and selfish. There are two most probable outcomes: your extreme and emotional reaction knocked some sense into her that she has zero chance to make it work. Or, worse, she will retaliate and fight for custody just to prove to herself you were not right and she is not a bad mother.

I think my STBMIL told Natalie's mom. As Lucy has a relationship with her bio grandma.

Sounds like it's time for a talk. This may have been a slip up or you may have a leak.

It was a slip up. She posted about the "Last BBQ of the year" And "Happy Birthday!" on Facebook.

YNTA. This person showed up uninvited at your fiance's birthday party and became unhinged? If it happens again, call the police so it is documented. I know she is an addict but she has no right just showing up. Have her parental rights been terminated? It sounds like she has lost her rights but there is thing called a TPR. Also if Brandon had an attorney he should let them know this happened. Let Lucy's therapist know too. You are in effect the mother and I hope you get married right away.

Yes they have been terminated.

OP, in your post you mentioned that Natalie has left the family to sleep around. Do you and your partner know for sure he is the bio father? I have no idea where you live and how family law works under these circumstances, but maybe just make sure you are on the safe side? All the best for you and your little family.

Yes, to get full custody, Lucy and Brandon had to get a DNA test, he's the dad.

Why did he get an addict pregnant in the first place?

He did not know she was an addict at the time and she poked holes in their BC.

Super off topic but right?! And in 9 months he found someone else to essentially become a mom to her. Oof.

We were friends almost a year before we started dating, my room was the one next to the picu, and he'd pop in for a chat every so often when we were there at the same time. He is a walking green flag who takes responsibility for his actions.

So instead of him being concerned for his kid... he comes and flirts with you. You were only 22 at the time and he was almost 30. Why are you fighting his battles for him? He should have been speaking with BM not you. Plus he had a new chick to raise his kid for him. You see green flags while I see red.

He walked into a quiet room while Lucy was getting a babygram... he looked exhausted so I let him play Assassin's Creed II on my console and we got talking. I told him I wasn't perma but was having an extended stay so if he wanted to talk to an adult about anything but babies my room was between the PICU and the Mat ward.

ESH. She shouldn't have shown up causing a scene unannounced. But she's not your baby. This was not your fight to have, it was your partners. You overstepped. You did go too far.
And I don't believe she has anything to do with a four year old being in therapy for something that you claim all happened when she was an infant.

She is in physical therapy for a hip dysplasia that she struggles with due to Natalie dropping her when she was an infant, she also has significant trauma from the severe neglect.

I'm not doubting the physical issue. I'm doubting the therapy. You said she lost custody for neglect when she was an infant were you hyperbolizing or was she actually under a year old?

No she has major emotional trauma from the extreme neglect. She has night terrors and she doesn't know how to explain them. It's play therapy for now, but will transition to talk later on.

NTA
You have been this child's mom. You.
Bio-mom cant just come rushing back into the child's life on a whim. She lost her rights (im assuming) by court decree. That means If she wants her rights back, she has to go through the courts and prove that she has changed. Obviously that hasnt happned yet.
You do have the right to react like you did, but since Lucy is in the dark as to who this other woman is, you would have better served her by just telling the woman to get out of your house. These comments may be used against you later with relatives and the courts, although who knows to what effect. Its still going to be a headache for you.
The judgmental comments (while I agree with them) are something you dont technically have the right to make yet. Once you are married and better established as a family unit, you will have a better leg to stand on. While I hope bio-mom gets her head out of her arse and gets her life together, I dont have much faith in that.
If you eventually are allowed to adopt, please do so, as that child needs you. Keep up with being the good mom that you are though.

Lucy is aware that she came from another mommy's tummy and that I'm an adult who loves her, and whom she considers her mom. She is aware that she has a biological mother and that I am not her bio-mom. She doesn't know her bio-mom was Natalie. If she got clean, Brendan and I would want Natalie to meet Lucy.

OK, thats fair. When this woman gets clean...
Well, you stepped up to be a mom when you didnt have to. Once you get married, that will solidify your right to claim being Lucy's mom. Time will build on that.
While I doubt that bio-mom will get clean in time to have any real relationship with the child, while she is still a child, I also worry how this woman will behave once she actually does get clean. Ive personally seen too many recovering addicts that have some bizarre notion that now that they are clean, all will be right with the world, they will get custody, and everything will go their way.
I hate being a pessimist.
Like I said though, keep being the good mom that you are to that girl. That is the positive, good, and right thing to focus on.

She is currently not attempting to get clean. - her mother told me this.

Not enough info. So where was the father when the mother was neglecting their child? And how has it come so that the father’s been dating you 9 month after a birth of his child?

He was in Kuwait. He's a veteran. My hospital room was right between the mat ward and the picu. So I was an adult who was alone surrounded by kids and I had my grandpa drop off my consoles at the hospital due to an extended stay, Lucy was suffering with health issues of her own. We met while I was playing Assassin's Creed II in one of the quiet rooms.

Ok. I saw your update where you had written about Lucy’s mother is no more than an egg donor. No, she is more than that. She gave birth. And by your logic you are no more than a caregiver. Lucy deserves to know who her mother is. And the best thing everyone around can do is to help her mother to stay in Lucy’s life. Her father decided to abandon his wife and mother of his child. When did her problems with drugs start? Before or after she gave birth? Like he had no idea what was going on? He did nothing about it. He decided it’s better to go bang another chick and have “a fresh start”. ESH.

She was never his wife. Her problems with drugs started before his deployment. And well before Lucy's birth. He did not know because she hid it from him. When he found out he had her rights severed.

Well I want to apologize. It's a triggering theme for me and now I understand why. You're going through a rough period, I wish you to stay strong. Taking a kid to a safer place is a good decision. Accepting a kid who is not blood related to you is not something everyone might do, and you're a good person. Calling a woman who gave birth an «egg donor» is awful, but people say even worse things being under emotions, your reaction is totally justifiable. I can imagine the Lucy's mother is suffering, but if she can't help herself, she doesn't deserve to be around indeed. You are not the asshole. I am.

You're not an asshole for a trauma response :) Happy Healing!

INFO: have you or the dad done anything to help this victim of the opioid epidemic or have you only demonised them and nothing else? Has the bio mother been given a chance to change and improve their life? How did they get addicted?
Just to clarify both Natalie and Lucy are victims of the opioid epidemic here. Being a victim doesn’t necessarily make the mother in anyway blameless, but how those around her acted and supported her is very important context here.

She started taking opioids at parties, not due to injury. I know because that was a piece of evidence that led to her rights being taken away.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my daughter's biological mother that she doesn't deserve to call herself a mom?, Posted October 20th, 2023
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AmItheAsshole/comments/1773wj4/aita_for_telling_my_daughters_biological_mothe
Hello everyone! It's been a very interesting few days and I have an update. So a few days after she crashed the party Natalie got arrested and arraigned for possession with intent to sell an illicit substance. From what her family says, the substance was cocaine, not opioids.
Lucy is doing fine and is loving her first year of kindergarten. My Fiance asked her if she wanted me to become her mama on paper. She said yes and now we're planning on doing family vows at our wedding. We are getting married on the 15th of December, as that is a very significant day for us (The day Brandon and I officially started dating.)
We have spoken to a lawyer and he has told us that even if Natalie got clean she would never get her rights to Lucy back, so we don't need to worry. I hope she gets clean in prison.
I want to add that even though I am not Lucy's biological mother, she will always be my daughter. And Brandon and I are not going to have children together so she'll be our only kid. Thank you so much for your support and your criticism!
**Reminder - I am not OP**

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

Credit to MultiverSusie on Twitter for pointing this cross-promo out initially!
On May 28th and 29th, Boomerang will be airing specific programming for the launch of MultiVersus. Breaking down the Adventure Time episodes alone clued me into the fact that these episodes seem HIGHLY relevant for future speculation. Let's call this "Boomerang Theory."
The Rules for Boomerang Theory
Even though clues may be present for properties like Looney Tunes, Popeye, and Scooby-Doo, I personally consider it to be unlikely to come to any informed speculation regarding shows that air on Boomerang daily. There are some exceptions,, but for right now I am only focusing in on the shows specifically coming to Boomerang for the event.
Shows #1-2: Taz-Mania and Duck Dodgers

• These shows are part of Boomerang's regular rotation... BUT they air rather infrequently. To specifically air them on MVS Day makes sense for Taz, but Duck Dodgers is one I want to call MAJOR attention to. I don't want to jump the gun but this may be soft confirmation of Daffy. Taz could maybe get something?

Movie #1: Aloha, Scooby-Doo!

• Daphne is a MAJOR player in this one.

Movie #2: Scooby-Doo! & Batman: The Brave and the Bold

• I honestly don't think we can point out specific characters in this one- probably just a convenient crossover. Maybe Scooby will have a skin from this film? Maybe a Brave and the Bold skin for Bats/Joker?

Show #3: Teen Titans Go!

• Anything Titans is an immediate flag, as no members of the team are currently in the game. My bets are on Raven, since she's been heavily rumored for quite a while. Plus we already have Tara Strong as Harley and (presumably) now Bubbles.
  • However: this is also the closest thing to a Batman show currently airing on CN. If they took the brand synergy route, this might just be a stand-in for DC itself. I'd even see TTG being used as the base for any and all Warner Bros crossovers, so I'm not taking it super seriously atm.
• "Warner Bros. 100th Anniversary" (S8E24) is apt for this game, as it features the Titans meeting several WB icons from TONS of different Hanna-Barbera, Cartoon Network, and WB Animation properties, plus The Wizard of Oz, Elf, and Gremlins.
• "The Cruel Giggling Ghoul" (S3E23) is pretty easy. It's a Scooby-Doo parody starring the Teen Titans, featuring LeBron.
• "TV Knight" (S4E5) is the first in a long-running subplot where we tune into the Titans' television to see what's on. I honestly think this is being aired in reference to Rick and Morty's similar bit, "Interdimensional Cable," but it's worth mentioning that Batman watching TV is the framing device, plus Robin's segment specifically revolves around his relationship with Batman.
  • Another point in favor of Raven: Trigon makes an appearance. Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire also have their own segments, but only Raven's has to do with her actual lore.
• "Jam" (S7E23) is intriguing to me. Not only is it the first time Harley appears as a speaking role in the show, but Poison Ivy and Catwoman are with her. Ivy is another one of those heavily rumored characters, and Catwoman makes a lot of sense for a slot. Additionally, their plot revolves around recruiting Raven and Starfire. I could see any/all of this being relevant info.
• "DC" (S7E24) is, much like the first two, an easy target. The Titans get invited to DC HQ to celebrate Wonder Woman's birthday, it's filled with DC cameos, and off-topic but it ends with a giant robot battle between DC Comics and Marvel Comics which is super fun.

Show #4: Adventure Time - SPOILERS!

• "Jake the Dog" (S5E2) heavily features Farmworld Finn. We could see him showing up as a skin, we could see a Farmworld map, I could even link this episode to the fact that a grown-up Farmworld Finn later appears in Fionna and Cake. Lots to go off of here, but definitely the least specific of the four.
• "Simon and Marcy" (S5E14) is a FASCINATING one. Marceline has been heavily rumored for quite a long time, is one of the most requested characters for the game, and this episode is her origin story. ADDITIONALLY, because this game focuses heavily on duos, I could easily see Ice King showing up as well- after all, this episode and "I Remember You" are the finale of his origin story as well.
  • A possible deviation would be for the post-Mushroom War wasteland to become a stage? Maybe both?
• "Escape from the Citadel" (S6E2) is the episode where Finn loses his arm. If the NHL promos were any indication, Finn should reflect this change in-game, or at least have it as a skin.
• "The Hall of Egress" (S7E24) has a very specific Finn look that might make sense as a skin.

Show #5: Steven Universe - SPOILERS!

• I very honestly think the following episodes are all supposed to focus in on Garnet's arc: the mystery of her character, her reveal as a Fusion, the horrific experimentation of Fusion by the Kindergarten, and Garnet's origin story. However, I will still break them down here.
  • Another easy choice, "Garnet's Universe" (S1E33) is simply an episode where Steven recounts a made-up narrative where he tries to guess what Garnet does with her day. Steven and Garnet, easy.
  • "Jail Break" (S1E52) holds quite a bit of significance:
    • This is another big episode for Garnet, featuring her song "Stronger Than You" as well as her two halves, Ruby and Sapphire.
    • Lapis, Peridot, and Jasper are also here- this is actually the episode where Lapis betrays Jasper while in their combined Malachite form, as well as the episode where Peridot makes her way to Earth via escape pod.
    • Another big candidate for inclusion: the final shot of this episode is an incoming call from Connie.
  • "Keeping It Together" (S2E8) is ANOTHER big episode for Garnet, specifically centered on the practice of Gem Fusion, but ALSO takes place in the Kindergarten, which is Amethyst's origin.
    • Another argument for Peridot, as this episode revolves around the gems searching for her in the Kindergarten.
  • "The Answer" (S2E22) is ANOTHER GARNET EPISODE but some minor notes:
    • This is a direct follow-up to the events of "Jail Break"
    • The Cloud Arena makes an appearance
    • As this is a flashback, the only Gems present on the team prior to Garnet are Pearl and Rose. Might as well mention them? But they haven't been a huge part of these episodes thus far.

These are guides who are very new to Montessori, so I’m looking for perspective from seasoned guides.
The lead guides have been trained through CGMS, and just finished this past September 2023, so they are very new to this. They had both been in public schools for 5+ years prior to Montessori. They have two assistants, both are new this year, neither of them are trained in Montessori. They’re mainly there for crowd control.
It’s a classroom of 32 kids, and a few of the children are special needs. One is specifically disruptive to the classroom everyday. Their classroom is always loud, and the guides are often stressed. One of the assistants has even left multiple times throughout the year due to panic attacks because of the chaos.
They conferenced with us in November and said that she is progressing, but slowly because she prefers to observe rather than pull her own works. They were adamant that this was age appropriate behavior, but that they would like to see her working more. We discussed it with her, and she did start working a little more and mastering more things.
Shortly after the November meeting, I asked one of the guides if they ever redirect the kids to the works they’re supposed to do instead of letting them wander, and she said they don’t, because they want them to make their own decision.
Last week the conference took me a bit by surprise when they opened it by asking if we would be open to gifting her another year in PK4 instead of moving her on to Kindergarten.
According to them, this is mainly based on her prefering to follow friends around during the work cycle, and observe instead of pulling out her own works. They said the behavior is more aligned with a PK3.
If it helps any, my child started their class as PK3. She is a young 4, as her birthday is at the end of August.

Last weekend my wife and I had a discussion regarding our son, "L" and whether or not he should be held back a year before starting kindergarten. For context, L is turning 4 on June 7th. He currently spends 3 days a week at a daycare facility and 2 days with an in-home babysitter. We are looking into enrolling him into a montessori school in the fall. My wife is a teacher and will be home with him and his older brother for the summer.
L was slow to start talking, and our babysitter (who has a background in early childhood speech therapy) discussed the possibility that he had apraxia. Our firstborn was talking at an early age, so we felt kind of lost at where L was supposed to be at in terms of speech development and thought processing. After meeting with a couple specialists, we started working with a professional speech pathologist over the last year. She was not traditional in the sense that she wanted to diagnose L's condition outright however she pointed to indicators of neurodivergence and apraxia that she observed with him. Over the last 6-8 months, L's speech and pattern development has made significant progress, with many milestones being met. His pathologist has pointed all of this out, and noted that he is "nearing or at" developmental benchmarks of other kids his age.
A couple months ago we took a tour of the montessori school my wife wanted to transition L into this coming fall. Afterwards she explained that she had envisioned sending L there part time again, and then going full time the following year, holding him back from kindergarten until he was 6. I wasn't opposed to the idea, but thought it was a little early to decide that yet. Recently, the subject was brought up again and we seem to not be on the same page. My wife has pretty much made up her mind that this is the course of action she wants to pursue. I on the other hand would prefer to send L to montessori full time next year, and make a decision towards the end of the school year about whether or not he's ready for kindergarten.
Does anyone have some insight on this? I've read several articles about holding kids back, but they all seem to focus on the late-summer birthdays, where they're right on the cusp of the age cut-off. I've also read about a study that seemed to show that any advantage to holding them back a year was all but negated by the end of 1st grade.
Just to be clear, I'm not interested in any opinions about which one of us is "right." I just want to know if anyone has gone through a similar experience, how it went, and what you may have done differently. TIA

As the title reads- Our 5 1/2 y/o won’t participate in any structured group or adult-led activity. He has been this way since the age of 2 but we just brushed it off as a wild boy and likes to do his own thing.
Kids obstacle course at the gym, soccer, Gymnastics, singing at school, birthday party activities, etc. anything “structured” he refuses to participate in. I don’t mind the extracurriculars as that will come with time but lately he refuses to participate in his kindergarten graduation. He won’t practice the song with his class, wear the robe for pictures, or have anything to do with it. I know this is more for the parents but it just makes me sad he wants nothing to do it with it and we want to celebrate his accomplishments.
Additionally, this mindset is starting to rub off on his younger sister (4). She is usually miss independent and always the first one to try something new but recently has been refusing her own extracurriculars (dance, tap, group activities, etc.) because she sees big brother not participating either. We end up leaving events because neither of my kids want to join in when you see all the other kids playing and having fun.
How do we handle this? Just let him refuse to do things until he is ready? I feel like there is a fine line between forcing kids in an uncomfortable situation vs. challenging them. I want to be able to expose my child to different things and to experience pressure so he can learn how to navigate it. This is where hard work ethic comes from. My biggest fear is that he will become lazy/unmotivated and think he can say “no” to everything. I dread having a middle/high schooler that doesn’t challenge themselves.
Side note: He shows signs of ADHD and could possibly be on the spectrum but we haven’t gotten him tested yet so until then we need to figure out how to navigate these situations.

Guys...I just realized that I am Divy.
I wanna preface this with two things:
1.) I am not a Divy hater. I don't meant to be offensive with anything I say in this...I am just being honest. 2.) I'm high asf
I've been so fascinated by Divy since I first found her on tiktok years ago. Honestly, I see so much of myself in her. My older brother is a super successful doctor who holds multiple ivy league degrees. He's married to an amazing woman who is just as accomplished (doctor as well) and are both just the most empathetic and kind and humble people in the world. My parents settled in an affordable small town, and did well for themselves while I was growing up, so I never had to worry financially.
I am the Divy in my family. I feel like our stories align so closely - I had a tough college experience and almost didn't graduate. I feel like I'm a series of "wasted potential" stories from kindergarten till now. I moved in with my parents after graduation because my first job was commutable from their house. I was the grown adult on their Greece trip lmfao. I was making questionable lasagna out of their groceries. Divy and I are the same age (we literally have the same birthday) and my dad literally refilled my tank of gas this morning.
If any of you watched that Black Mirror episode, Joan is Awful - I just had the stoned realization that when I watch her tiktoks, I feel like I'm watching a caricature of myself, just like Joan in that episode. I feel like I see a lot of my own qualities exaggerated in her. I feel so terrible for putting this out there...but it's more of a condemnation of myself, than of her.
I've been working on being a better version of myself. But I still have a bad habit of giving in to temptation and being exceptionally lazy.
I guess there isn't a point to this. Other than you all may be the only people in the world who even understand this weird realization I've had 😅

Hi, I just need some insight on if I’m in the wrong for being upset over this situation. I’m fully prepared to accept defeat if I am.
It’s not too complicated but my daughters teacher (kindergarten) asked for everyone to send in a family recipe months ago. And on Friday, to my surprise her teacher and made all the moms a recipe book with all of the kids in my daughters class and all of their family recipes. It was the sweetest gift ever. It also featured all of the kids dressed up in little chef outfits on their recipe page. I loved it so much.
Well after school on Friday I was stopped by my mothers house because she’s on the way home and we typically stop by. My daughter wanted to show her grandma the recipe book, not a problem there. In fact I was excited to show my mom as well since the recipe I sent in the as a recipe that she had taught me when I was younger.
My daughter shows my mom the recipe book and of course she loves it and is even teary eyed when she sees the recipe because her mom had taught it to her so she was touched. My mom asked if she could keep it for the day to show my dad when he got home from work. I didn’t even think anything if it and said yes.
Fast-forward to Saturday night the night before Mother’s Day. My mom texts and asks if she could give the recipe book to my grandma. I text back rather politely and say I would rather not since I absolutely love my gift and maybe we could think of something else to get for my grandma. I don’t receive a reply.
On Sunday the kids and I go over to her house for Mother’s Day as previously planned. Almost immediately she tells me how she gave the recipe book to her mom that morning before we arrived and how much she loved it. Honestly I was shocked but still I asked if she hadn’t received my reply to her text from the night before. And she looks back at me like she’s offended I’m even asking. And says how she didn’t think it would be a big deal and how she wasn’t even going to ask because she had just assumed it would have been okay to do.
It honestly hurt my brain to think of her logic, and I didn’t want to make a thing out of it because I didn’t want to ruin Mother’s Day by causing a fight. Well she ended up pitching a fit anyways because I just plainly told her that my heart hurt that she did that. And it does.
My grandma and multiple older family members have called or mentioned to me how they love the gift I got for my grandma and how sweet it was. I haven’t said anything to my grandma about it and my mom hasn’t talked to me since we left yesterday. I don’t know what to say to any of them on the situation and I just want some feedback on AITA?
ETA: she gave it back today unprompted. We went by to get birthday gifts for my oldest from out of town family members. After we were done opening them she had stuck it in a gift bag with his already opened gifts. She didn’t say anything and I didn’t bring it back up. But I do have it back and I think I’m going to copy my daughters page and gift it back to my grandma, maybe framed or something

So I am ‘19F’ and my boyfriend is ‘18M’ and we have been dating for 2 years now. I wouldn’t usually come to Reddit for relationship advice I would first talk to him but I honestly don’t know how to talk to him because uase I feel like I already am insecure a lot in our relationship and I don’t wanna keep asking him question or brining things up because I don’t want him to get upset. My boyfriend is best friends with these girls and he is the only guy in chat he keeps it on mute but recently I saw it and they talked in it more then I know. There is this one girl who he has been friends with since kindergarten and he talks with her a lot which I wouldn’t mind but he and her hide things from me. She has blocked me from seeing her instagram stories before, her and my boyfriend and one of there friends have gone out to lunch and he never told me, he had a birthday parties and invited her but then I had to ask if I could go, I once saw a snap he sent telling her she looked good with no makeup on and when I confronted him about it he was like it was just a joke I didn’t mean it which I found weird and he would get kinda upset with me when asked him about it, he likes all her instagram posts and her spam posts, I saw one time when he told her that he wasn’t into white girls anymore (I am white and the friend is black) and she was like your gf is white and he was like yeah but if I get into another relationship she probably won’t be white, she showed up to his house with a gift for him, had a birthday gift shipped to his house, he has a nickname for her that he call her when they text. He also gets frustrated every time I bring her up because thinks I am overreacting but idk. I would feel better if maybe she made more of an effort to be friends with me but she doesn’t. He is also in a group chat with her and two other of there friends and he keeps it muted from me but they talk a lot in it. There is this one girl who they are all friends with and when me and my boyfriend broke up he immediately got with her and that also bothers me even though we have worked it out after we got back together I am always scared that they are going to convince him to get back with this girl. As a girl I feel like I can tell when girls have bad intentions and I’ve tried to tell my boyfriend that but he just thinks I am being controlling. I’ve told him before that when he likes her selfies he posts on instagram it makes me uncomfortable mftable especially since he told her she looks pretty with no makeup but he got kinda upset and told me that the likes meant nothing and basically that he isn’t ’t going to stop. I wanna trust him but I know he has hide stuff from me before and so I am always scared that he still his. He said that he doesn’t tell me things because ase he thinks I’ll get upset at him. I told him that I want him to tell me everything I just get mad when he lies and then I find out but I am only mad because he lied. Some of these things happened before we left for college and since being at school our relationship has grown a lot but some of these insecurities are still there, I don’t know what to do about the situation?

My son is in a kindergarten that has a very “strict” privacy policy, that is, if a birthday is celebrated, it is not allowed to send invitations to the rest of his classmates because there are children of people involved in politics*, however, it is possible. send a cake to the kindergarten and they take photos of it and send them to you.
There are 2 moms who managed to break those kindergarten rules and have organized birthday parties for their children, inviting 95% of the classmates, except for my son.
My son has autism and a language delay, but he is not a violent or aggressive child. On the contrary, he is a very loving child and it breaks my heart to see how he is excluded from such a young age (he is 3 years old).
1 of those moms is half an influencer (she has 10k followers), I have thought about writing to her but I don't know if it is a good idea, I have also thought about telling the kindergarten but in the end I know that they will not do anything because they will say that they have no control over it In the end I know that the most prudent thing is to just let it go and do nothing, which makes me feel so helpless, I didn't think something like that would hurt as much. I’m heartbroken.

My son is in a kindergarten that has a very “strict” privacy policy, that is, if a birthday is celebrated, it is not allowed to send invitations to the rest of his classmates because there are children of people involved in politics, however, it is possible. send a cake to the kindergarten and they take photos of it and send them to you.
There are 2 moms who managed to break those kindergarten rules and have organized birthday parties for their children, inviting 95% of the classmates, except for my son.
My son has autism and a language delay, but he is not a violent or aggressive child. On the contrary, he is a very loving child and it breaks my heart to see how he is excluded from such a young age (he is 3 years old).
1 of those moms is half an influencer (she has 10k followers), I have thought about writing to her but I don't know if it is a good idea, I have also thought about telling the kindergarten but in the end I know that they will not do anything because they will say that they have no control over it.
In the end I know that the most prudent thing is to just let it go and do nothing, which makes me feel so helpless, I didn't think something like that while being a mom would hurt so much. I’m heartbroken.

Should I give my best friend a Chance?
I've read tons of these types of posts and even heard some of them on tik-tok but this is my first time I've ever made a post like this. I figured I'd give this a chance. I 20F have been best friends with the same person 20M (Lets call him Charlie) since kindergarten. Charlie used to be the boy who would follow me around the school yard like a lost puppy or in class pull my red hair out of their pigtails right up until 6th grade when we went to different middle schools he was my friend though. We were both crushed but when we both went to the same high-school by chance once again we were inseparable. We graduated together and have spent every day hanging out since then. His parents call me daughter as my mom calls him son. Here comes the problem. A couple weekends ago there was a birthday party for one of his younger cousins I was asked to come along so I decided to. His older cousin Let's call her Ana cornered me and said "girl talk" she pointed out that Charlie has had a crush on me for the longest time and did make good points by using her own marriage by saying shemarried her best friend. How he's saved her from countless problems and messy relationships. How her husband has protected her and she him no matter what. Charlie has saved me from tons of sticky situations and has my back whenever I need him. He's helped me deal with the men who have harmed me and taken a stand for me when I couldn't. However I see him as a brother. His cousin said despite that I could always take a chance and give him a shot. He's my oldest and closest friend. I don't want to destroy this friendship that's lasted half a lifetime but I need more advice. Please tell me what you think honestly

I've read tons of these types of posts and even heard some of them on tik-tok but this is my first time I've ever made a post like this. I figured I'd give this a chance. I 20F have been best friends with the same person 20M (Lets call him Charlie) since kindergarten. Charlie used to be the boy who would follow me around the school yard like a lost puppy or in class pull my red hair out of their pigtails right up until 6th grade when we went to different middle schools he was my friend though. We were both crushed but when we both went to the same high-school by chance once again we were inseparable. We graduated together and have spent every day hanging out since then. His parents call me daughter as my mom calls him son. Here comes the problem. A couple weekends ago there was a birthday party for one of his younger cousins I was asked to come along so I decided to. His older cousin Let's call her Ana cornered me and said "girl talk" she pointed out that Charlie has had a crush on me for the longest time and did make good points by using her own marriage by saying shemarried her best friend. How he's saved her from countless problems and messy relationships. How her husband has protected her and she him no matter what. Charlie has saved me from tons of sticky situations and has my back whenever I need him. He's helped me deal with the men who have harmed me and taken a stand for me when I couldn't. However I see him as a brother. His cousin said despite that I could always take a chance and give him a shot. He's my oldest and closest friend. I don't want to destroy this friendship that's lasted half a lifetime but I need more advice. Please tell me what you think

My (34F) daughter turned 3 last March, until then, everything was ok, she had tantrums occasionally (I remember two or three that involved screaming and she having to be dragged home) but we survived the "terrible" 2s thinking they weren't that bad.
Oh how the mighty have fallen
My daughter is in the worst damn mood she's ever been, since a week after her birthday she started crying in kindergarten, she doesn't want to wait for her turn, doesn't wanna go, and sometimes gets just sad or anxious before doing a task. At home, she's constantly whining, saying "MoooOOOm!" repeatedly, even more stubborn as before (and she's really bossy since always so that's saying a lot lol), her mood shifts like a light switch, she could be having a blast but then she's angry and kicking and screaming her lungs out in the floor, even in the middle of the park when she used to just have fun. Cries for the most insignificant stuff, and most of the time doesn't explain what is happening to her, she just enters melt down mode.
We even took her to a kid psychologist because this is so out of character for her, but I don't know if it's the right fit (we had a parent session first, and then she went for the second session and just played the whole time). The therapist had us fill a lot of tests (to rule out sensory issues, which I don't think she has), but besides that, there hasn't been any input from her.
I'm in the middle of my own diagnosis process (my therapist thinks I'm autistic, and I do believe it myself, for me this is just a formality) so I really struggle with all this non logic stuff, I cannot give her what she wants cos she wants one thing and then cries cos she didn't want it... we used to be able to reason or negotiate with our daughter, now it's all day waking on egg shells cos she really ruins everyone's moods with this behavior and everything we try just doesn't work.
When does this end? Is this normal 3yo behavior?
I'm so tired lol I hope my rambling is understandable because English is not my native language (also, I'm not on the states so keep that in mind).

I’m currently 15 and heading to be 16 in a little over a week obviously this doesn’t matter, I’m a JW (PIMO) and have never celebrated my birthday or any other holiday
And just bringing up the idea of that to my parents would probably get me kicked out the house My story starts in 2008 when I was born My parents were both baptized in 2007 And my brother was 5 years old and had already had about 3 years of indoctrination My story from here is like a bunch of other JWS and Ex-JWs alike Born in the religion, as a little kid you’re fascinated with all these stories in the Bible and the promises of eternal life and resurrection I loved it and just for a brief part of my life I think I was all in for this religion
2012 would be an important year as this was the year I would start pre-K as well as the year my dad got named Ministerial Servant (MS) however unlike many JWs my questioning started a bit too early In kindergarten I’ll admit I said no to cupcakes, I would even cover my ears when they sang happy birthday And everyone knew I didn’t have any fun However once first grade rolled around my life took a slight change
I started talking to kids and actually making friends I realized I was gonna have to be a different person in front of my parents than the person I was in school I wasn’t necessarily doing anything bad All I was doing was trying to make friends But in Watchtower land even that’s enough to put a 6 year old on edge then it happened
One of the friends I made had a birthday and his mom came to the class with cupcakes and chips and goodie bags I knew this was strongly against my “beliefs” but as a 6 year old I kinda didn’t care And in my eyes I was just hungry and wanted something to eat However this officially started my double life at 6 years old
From here on I would still consider myself a good child I was definitely 2 faced and was absolutely a different person in the Kingdom Hall than School However I got away with it, and I have gotten away with it at-least until now Everyone in the Hall still saw me as that sweet kid that was definitely gonna grow up to me an elder or whatever I still commented (and still do) and whenever we needed those assignments where you ask litro kids questions
I would always be the first choice Around fourth grade I think I started changing Although I still was technically living a double life Making friends and celebrating birthdays at school is still not really much I still had to decline every invitation for out of school events (and still do) I started swearing (only in school obviously) which I know isn’t really a big deal but once again In watchtower land, anything can put a 10 year old on edge
At the beggining of 5th grade I’ll say I started becoming not necessarily a “model kid” in the hall and for my parents I was still the same Angel but even outside of school I started realizing I was becoming a bit of a troublemaker I was placed in advanced classes every year from first grade until modern day And while I did my work from grades 1-4 Grade 5 and 6 I definitely slacked off alot And didn’t take education seriously and if I’m being honest I don’t think I ever have from that point on (we’ll get there in a bit)
grades 5 and 6 were also where I had “different” urges, I started developing crushes and even had my first “girlfriend” although it didn’t really count we were like 11 Also I got a crippling porn addiction around this time which still has its grasps on me Covid ended 6th grade early and I got out of elementary and also became a publisher around this time (My dad was still a MS and my brother had just gotten baptized at 17)
Middle school started and this is definitely where my life changed the most Not 7th grade tho All of it was as online and I got dog shit grades as I was never even logged in half the time and just jacked off and played Clash Royale every day 8th grade was where the good stuff happened I was now 13 so now the congregation no longer looked at me as a sweet little kid Now they saw me as a Youngster
Obviously they still saw me as spiritual and somewhat exemplary although this faded later as almost every kid in my age group would get baptized at this time except for me And my baptism date wouldn’t come for another 2 years (9/10/23) In school 8th grade was basically where I was forced to grow up I had my first kiss Lost virginity Did weed for the first time (told myself never again cause it was 550 MG of edibles and I got sent to space) Basically every thing that watchtower wants teens to avoid I did pretty much everything in 8th grade Beginning of freshman year I thought I was unstoppable
I had gotten away with this double life for so long that I genuinely thought I was untouchable And I was right cause we’re still going strong
But freshman year wasn’t really much different from 8th grade that promise I made myself wean’t out the window cause the girl I was dating was a pretty huge stoner so I kinda got into that aswell but I did promise myself not to do anything stronger than weed Freshman year however was different than every other year in the sense that my untouchable double life could’ve ended
by this point I was the only Gen Z in the congregation that wasn’t baptized And I was 14 at this point so I got some looks And although my dad never said it I knew that the only thing keeping him from going from MS to elder was me not being baptized this was also around the time I got curious and started watching alot of ex Jw content on YouTube (mostly TellTale and JW Panda)
So by this point I was a full blown PIMO And living an entire double life you see I didn’t just act different in school I also looked different I’m Hispanic and my congregation is a Spanish congregation and made up of mostly Hispanics Living in South LA where it’s mostly Hispanic You’ll often see the legendary “Edgar Cut” Here It’s basically just a textured bowl cut and while a bit goofy this was the hair style I rocked in school While for meetings I took all my hair and slicked it back
I also wore my glasses for meetings while I don’t for school As well as my way of dressing fitting more with the style and trends around here Well this was brought up in a shepherding visit we had around the end of freshman year And while my clothing wasn’t mentioned my hair was however this was my fault I already knew that my hair wasn’t really “Appropriate” but I still didn’t bother to slick it back when this elder asked my family to dinner So that one was on me
All it did was feed deeper into my double life And now I made sure to keep my hair slicked back around any brother Every day I thank whatever greater power there is out there And I’m thankful that my parents aren’t that strict While they’re still JW parents and controlling I strongly believe they’ll be amazing if we weren’t part this cult even after an elder basically telling me my hair was to messy My dad still didn’t force me To cut it off (something even my non JW friends go through) And while my mom would definitely do it if she could she can’t so we’re good Now we’re in the last year of my life and this year has definitely been something I got baptized 9/10/23 I knew it was the worst decision possible and knew that if I made one little mess up now it was over But the pressure definitely got to me Keep in mind I have JW friends in the congregation too, and even tho I know the day is coming where I no longer go to meetings and I’ll No longer see them these are still my friends that I was friends with from before I even started the double life And the pressure from them and the entire Hall and my family built up and I did it Only a few meetings after my baptism my dad was announced Elder
But now this is where the fun begins because shortly after I got the microphone privilege And although I broke up with stoner girl The habit stuck So I’ll say 70% of my shifts on microphones have been on a little bit of the za which makes it so much funnier when the elders tell me they’re proud of all my work Only a few weeks ago my brother got named MS Which basically solidifies that if I decide to keep going I can end up as a PIMO MS But I’ll probably leave as soon as I can sustain myself But that’s gonna take a while (LA rent prices are diabolical) In my 15 years of life nobody has truly seen 100% of me everybody at school has no idea about me being a JW
And in those 15 years everyone in the hall has no idea about the life I live outside the hall I’ve declined probably hundreds of invites to parties (not all of them B-day parties but Watchtower doesn’t allow them) I’m not proud of my life I know I’ve failed I’ve failed a lot of people Ive been failing my parents for over a decade and they don’t even know it I’ve failed my teachers for years now aswell I’ve failed all my school friends that I’ve had to decline invites by making up random half assed excused which has caused people To think I just don’t want to go I’ve failed every brother in the congregation by doing what I do
And I even failed myself Doing weed even after promising I wouldn’t I post this here because nobody in my life has ever known me inside-out Known both of my faces And I guess I’ll give that privilege to Reddit To see me for who I am
edit(just broke it up Into paragraphs so it’s easier to read)

I know the title seems outta pocket but hear me out. This happened about 2 years ago, in the middle of my grade 11 year. But it still eats away at me because maybe I was the problem all along. This may be long.
Me F(16) at the time, my best friend at the time, let’s call her Sally F(16), her boyfriend/my crush at the time, Tony M(18), Kali F(15) Sally’s good family friend, and my best friend Kayla F(16). Lots of people but bear with me.
It was in the beginning of February of 2022, I told my best friend Sally about my crush on Tony, her cousin. She seemed happy for me and everything and encouraged me to make a move, even though I’m not good with flirting. The two of us would hang out with him, he’d give me such nice hugs and he was super protective of me, he did the same for Sally as well but I didn’t think much of it, as they were close. My birthday was the 7th, turning 17. We celebrated and I sat on Tony’s lap and just cuddled up and kissed a bit, nothing too crazy, and rambled on. Sally and some other friends were around too but they almost seemed… out of place… it was odd. But I didn’t think much of it. Maybe it was just an awkward situation for them to see me like that.
During the span of the next week everything seemed okay, I felt closer with Tony and was planning on making my move on Valentine’s Day. I figured I’d have finally have a chance to not get rejected. However he did, but wouldn’t really tell me why. Plus my friend Sally seemed, annoyed? I didn’t want to push for an answer and I asked if everything was okay with her, she said yes. The next day, February 15th all the girls in my friend group decided to go out for a “girls date not date”, there were 7 of us. Me, Sally who I’d be been friends with since kindergarten, my best friend Kayla who I’d met in grade 8, and a couple others who aren’t as important.
Kayla was kind enough to get me a sub as I had no money, as we got our food and sat down with the rest of the group we noticed they all seemed to be engaged in a conversation, as soon as I asked them what they were talking about EVERYONE gave me a side eye and shut up. Sally just shrugged and said “oh nothing, doesn’t concern you.” Which I thought was weird because everyone else got to engage in it but me. I knew they were keeping something from me but decided not to push it. The last thing I wanted was to create some kind of drama when it was supposed to be a nice evening out with everyone. Plus hey maybe I was overthinking things. When we were done we decided to go down the street and get drinks (Starbucks type of drinks), I tried to talk to a lot of the girls but they seemed distant, which wasn’t usual for them as we all got along quite nicely. I began to think that maybe I said something wrong. But anytime I asked, nobody would tell me. That night I felt left out, everyone wanted to go back to Diana’s place. But nobody seemed to notice that I was lagging behind and went in without me. So I called a ride and just tried to give them space thinking that’s what they needed.
About 3 days later we were back at school, and I asked Tony for a kiss, he happily obliged and then I walked to class. My friend Sally came in looking absolutely pissed. I asked if she was okay and she ignored me, I began to panic thinking I might’ve screwed up?? I had no idea because nobody would tell me anything! Next class came and I got a message from one of my ex’s spare accounts since I had blocked him on everything. He asked if I had been flirting with Tony lately, I didn’t have to answer him but I was curious as to why he was bringing him up. So I said yea, and why it mattered.
Turns out February 6th Sally asked out Tony, and he accepted. They decided to keep it hush hush, because they didn’t want to make me upset about the fact that I was the “second choice” again. I decided to meet up with Kali and ask if he was telling the truth (my ex is a known liar and manipulative prick so I wasn’t too sure), kali seemed surprised that I didn’t know. Sally became so annoyed that I wouldn’t “take the hint that something was up between them” and began throwing my name in the dirt. Saying that I’m a whore, and that she would never trust me in a room with Tony and another person besides her alone because I would totally “spread my legs”. And apparently I knew all along that they were in fact together. But I literally had NO idea! They never kissed in front of me! Plus they’re cousins! Not sure how I was supposed to predict that would happen?? (We ain’t in Alabama btw) and Tony was also STILL ACTIVELY flirting back! Giving me hugs, cuddling and kissing me! If he stopped suddenly I’m sure I would’ve had a better chance of understanding what was going on?? But no. Zero communication between anyone. I asked Kali for more information, the reason everyone was so distant from me was because they thought I had known but ignored the fact Sally and Tony were together and just wanted to destroy their relationship for my own benefit.
I decided to confront them all. I sent a message instead as I would’ve done things so much more differently in person. I messaged them and asked if it was true and why Sally and Tony both decided not to tell me and continued to lead me on. Sally let Tony and Diana take over and speak for her instead. I was extremely hurt and didn’t understand what I did to deserve such treatment. I tried to tell them that if I had known of their relationship I would’ve backed off, probably would’ve kept my distance for awhile to get over my feelings, but I wouldn’t dare destroy anyone’s relationship. I can admit I had done so in the past without thinking as a 14 year old. But by 17 I was already in a more mature thought process. I was upset that Sally didn’t want to tell me herself. She actually tried to get my friend Kayla to tell me but she felt it was wrong, it wasn’t her business. Which I understand but it also kinda hurt that she too knew. Everyone but me. I decided to skip school to go out to the city one day to just, get away from it all. When I was gone I got a message from my other ex (decided to stay friends) he messaged and asked if I was okay, and how I felt. My dumbass told him everything, about how I felt so betrayed and hurt, and how I didn’t like how they all handled the situation, it was immature and selfish. I also might’ve insulted Sally and Diana a bit but I was just so hurt. Kali was around and told me about how Danny (my ex) was at Sally’s place, with Diana, Tony and her all crowded around. He read out my entire rant to them. Which apparently made everyone there hate me. Even Sally’s parents. Kali was horrified and tried to reason with Danny not to spill more, because I had trusted him enough to rant. But they called me a “stupid bitch” and said I deserve it.
For 3 weeks… I was tormented by her close friends. I had up to 10 friends from that group, now in 2024 I have 3 of those people and the rest cut out. I tried to reason with them again. But Diana decided to send a huge paragraph to me, saying I was just looking for attention and that I’m a filthy whore for trying to ruin Sally’s happiness, and other horrible things. I broke down in the middle of class, ran to the bathroom and sobbed. I carefully typed out a response basically saying that what they did and how they did it all was so wrong. I explained that I wasn’t that person, and never planned on it IF they had told me from the start. I also told her that the issue should’ve only been between the three of us, not her and everyone else. Aka Sally, Tony and I only. I also told her that I felt like whatever I tried to do to keep the peace between everyone was and never would be good enough. And before she could send a message I blocked her.
What sucks even more however is it seems like all of them have such a happy life, still in a year long relationship, having fun, not really dealing with problems. Whereas with me there’s so many things happening that I feel like I’m getting all the karma… they also act like I just left for no reason, yet they forced that upon themselves.
But so many people still think I’m the asshole even though I was kept in the dark the entire time. Even though it’s been 2 years since then. I’d just like other opinions. Was there something I could’ve done differently?

This will be quite a lengthy read because I'm laying out everything to get honest opinions with all the context. There's a TLDR at the end for those who'd rather skip the backstory. I know that most people go incognito with a throwaway account for this kind of post. But I wanted this to be authentic, using my real account. I didn't want anyone to think this was disingenuous. If we know each other in real life or you find me on my other socials, let's keep our chats here or in PMs. I don't want anyone harassing anybody, and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been spared this drama so far.
I tied the knot shortly after high school, and let's just say, if my marriage were a collegiate course, it would be "F*** Up - 101." It was a masterclass in what not to do, featuring every red flag in the book. I was fresh-faced and barely off on my life journey, thinking I'd hit the jackpot. I'd assumed I'd accomplished what my parents did, that being the poster couple for marital bliss. I was so naive, always giving the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, my then-wife, fresh from escaping her parental fortress of solitude, went bat s*** crazy, deciding that 'living life to the fullest' didn't include me in the picture.
Before I knew it, I was Mr. Mom with our toddler while she was trapped underneath a few individuals, making up for lost time. After finally catching her in the act, I filed for a divorce and braced for the impact. Divorcing in '97 in the heart of the bible belt was not favorable towards the husband back then. What followed was straight out of a horror movie. I paid my attorney five thousand dollars to watch her take everything from my guitars and video games. She even claimed keepsakes from a departed relative, and the judge seemed happy to grant her every wish. Not only did I bid farewell to everything I owned, but my time with my son got slashed to a mere Wednesday afternoon and alternating weekends.
My faith in women was broken. I went on a few dates here and there but mostly kept it to casual encounters and dinners. I never let anyone get too close. But, in early 1999, at a friend's birthday party, I met a woman whose marriage had crashed harder than mine. She'd had a stillbirth six months into her pregnancy, and her husband dared to bring his girlfriend to the funeral. She was heartbroken, to say the least, to learn about her husband's affair and the end of her marriage on the day they laid her daughter to rest. We sat on a couch that night, swapping tales of romantic ruin. She was clever, and to me, that is an instant connection. It's rare for me to find someone who makes me laugh instead of vice versa. As I headed home, I couldn't shake her from my thoughts, kicking myself for not asking for her number.
The next, my phone rang, and it was her! She'd gotten my phone number from someone we both knew and asked: "Would you like to get food sometime?" I said, "Now sounds great!" So, I drove to her grandmother's house, and off we went on what turned out to be what I still consider the perfect date. Now, I get it; we were both lonely and had our hearts broken, but trust me, this was no spark; it was an inferno. And believe it or not, we've been inseparable since that day. We have not spent a night apart. That was twenty-five years ago, with us marrying a year after our meeting. Go ahead and facepalm, I know how it sounds, but it's hard to put the connection between us into words. Even I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.
Our families adored the two of us together. I was certain I had found my soulmate, if you believe in that, and I was certain she felt the same. We enjoyed each other's company, and our lives meshed perfectly. As with life, however, it finds those moments of bliss to take a giant s*** on you. In 2006, I began feeling ill; eating resulted in violent illness, which I initially thought was a virus. But after a week with no improvement, it was clear this was something else. I was admitted to the local hospital and underwent numerous tests. When I was first admitted, I weighed 222 pounds at a height of 6'2". Within a year, I had dropped to 146 pounds, and my condition dumbfounded the doctors. My health was deteriorating rapidly. Throughout the ordeal, she never left my side, her hand in mine, begging me not to leave her.
In late 2007, a last-ditch effort sent me to the Cleveland Clinic, where a young doctor rushed me into surgery. When I awoke three hours later, she was there, hand in mine, with a smile. It was a success; I was cured. While I'll spare you the details, it involved my colon. Finally, I could eat and move without agony. My life resumed, and we were happy again. The following year, she received a lucrative job offer in her field, earning more than I did. That didn't bother me at all; she worked hard, and she'd earned it.
After her miscarriage, my wife was unable to conceive. We had been trying since 2000 and eventually came to terms with the fact that it might not happen. In 2010, we got a call from the state of Minnesota about a two-year-old girl who had been taken from her mother due to drug-related charges. They asked if we would consider adopting her because the mother had requested she be placed with family members before her parental rights were terminated. My wife and I drove for 30 hours to meet her, and after a few months, we adopted her and welcomed her into our home.
Our daughter faced social challenges and had endured abuse, leading the two of us to decide one of us needed to be at home with her. As mentioned, my wife earned significantly more, so it made sense for me to be the one to step into the role. I dedicated each day to supporting our daughter's mental health. While I played a part, I can't claim all the credit for this; her preschool, kindergarten, and therapist were instrumental in her learning to socialize and trust again. Eventually, I took up freelance journalism, so I was home when our little one finished her school day.
Our evenings were family time, and we took small trips on weekends. It was in 2017 that my wife returned from work one evening, deeply shaken by what she told me was a workplace argument. Despite my attempts to console her, she remained incorrigible. She was declaring her intent to find a new job. She'd never had any issues before, so I was stunned. For days, she was a mess and withdrawn. When I pressed for details, she'd say, "It would only upset you. Let me deal with it."
True to her word, she left for a new company within a week, accepting a 15 percent reduction in pay. I should have questioned it then, but she never gave me cause for concern. Once she began her new role, life returned to normal, and our family happily moved forward. In 2022, I published my first novel with an independent publisher, fulfilling a lifelong dream. I could sense the pride emanating from both my wife and daughter. I had achieved this milestone before my fiftieth birthday, and I couldn't wait to start on my second one.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is where my world breaks. In 2023, as I was finishing up my new novel, my twenty-seven-year-old son from my first marriage died suddenly of a heart attack. He had an underlying condition that none of us knew about. I want everyone to understand that when you say, "I couldn't imagine my child dying," you truly can't. There is no pain quite like it. My wife and daughter, who also felt his loss deeply, did their best to support me. But there is no way to deal with such a tragedy. In the months following his death, I immersed myself in my work, striving to complete my second book for him.
On the day I finished it in January, my father passed away after a long battle. Dad had been ill for a long time. You think you can prepare yourself for that, but that's a lie you tell yourself. The loss was hard, and my daughter was instrumental in getting me back on my feet. My second book was released in February, and I tried to smile as I had my release party. At the beginning of April, I started feeling better, writing outlines for my third novel and doing the same things I'd always done with my wife and daughter.
My wife and I have a Wednesday tradition where she picks a random recipe she finds online, and we cook it together. On April 3rd, while making crockpot chicken tacos, I thanked her for everything. She asked why, and I thanked her for everything she'd done to get me through the tough times. I shared a lot of pent-up emotions, telling her I couldn't have managed without her. She started crying, then weeping, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to comfort her with a hug, but she pushed me away. I apologized, not realizing my words would stir such a reaction.
Suddenly, she confesses her infidelity. I laughed, mistaking it for a joke. She grabs my shoulders and then details how, back in 2017, a 28-year-old at her former job started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. She believed it was innocent, yet it persisted. My wife has always feared growing old. Her birthdays were days she dreaded every year. She admitted that the attention from a younger man was exhilarating. She told me that turning 40 had sent her into a tailspin and that she couldn't talk to me about it because I would have just shrugged it off.
He invited her to leave work early and come to his place one day. She couldn't understand why she chose to; maybe it was the thrill. She said she didn't know, but she went and ended up sleeping with him. Afterward, she felt terrible, glaring at her keychain in his driveway because it had a photo of me holding our daughter. She drove home, and that's when she lied about having a workplace argument. She never wanted to return there. It's why she suddenly went somewhere else. She then told me she wanted to tell me but didn't have the fortitude to do it.
I remained silent, just wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She apologized, saying she couldn't live with it any longer. I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. She offered to leave if that's what I wanted, to attend counseling, or even to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, I picked up my AirPods and phone and walked out. I wandered from six in the evening until almost eleven that night. When I returned, she was on the loveseat, asking if I was ready to talk. I shook my head again, went to my office, where I had a couch, and slept there.
The next day, after our daughter left for school, she asked if I had anything to say. I said yes. I questioned why she brought this up after the worst year of my life. Why couldn't she have kept it to herself until I could somewhat deal with something of this magnitude? She just looked away. I scoffed and told her to go to work and to try not to f*** anyone during her lunch break. That would have been April 4th; those were the last words I said to her until last night.
She had attempted to talk to me several times, but I would just walk past her into my office, trying to focus on my upcoming science fiction comedy book. Writing something funny is challenging when the thought of your spouse rolling around with another man stuck in her consumes your thoughts. A week ago, my daughter asked in the car if everything was okay, and I lied to her, which made me feel sick. Then, last night, my wife came to the office door and asked, "Are we getting a divorce?" I looked at her and replied, "Looks like it." She started crying and closed the door.
I haven't consulted an attorney, and the thought of divorce hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it. That's why I wrote this essay. Where do I go from here? How do I start to untangle this mess? I have no desire for therapy. I don't even want to step outside. I'm broken at this moment. The burden of everything has been overwhelming. There's been so much to bear this past year. What do you say to someone who has been by your side through it all, only to tear your heart apart?
Thank you for reading to the end. And for those who are part of the TLDR crowd, my wife decided to go home with a younger man, felt guilty about it, and quit her job. She waited eight years to tell me about it.

My mom is very mean and toxic. I, 18F, just finished school. Last year, I was preparing for a test to get into my dream college. But on the test day, I got overwhelmed and panicked, and hence fucked up the exam. I couldn't qualify by 80 marks and I cried a lot. My dad (48 M) comforted me, said I could try again next year, and he'd be there for me with whatever decision I made. I have decided to study again for the test next year and hopefully not fuck up again.
During this time, my mom (42F) also gave me advice on how to manage my time better and study well. She showed a lot of support. I was really surprised but felt thankful to have such supportive parents.
But that's not the issue. We have a maid who works for us, and she sometimes talks back to my mom and insults her. My mom puts up with it for her own reasons. She has OCD and wants the house to be spotless all the time. The maid used to make sure of it, but lately, she got tired of my mom's overbearing nature. She decided to stand up for herself and started neglecting some of the work, (Which is fine because why do you need to dust off the cobwebs every single day when they hadn’t even formed yet?! Or clean the 2nd floor of our house daily which literally no one uses and remains closed and clean most of the time - cleaning once a week, heck even once a month should suffice.) But my mom wouldn't listen. She started insulting our maid in every possible way, calling her names, saying she's poor, unworthy, and uneducated. She even wished bad things upon her, saying awful things directly to her face. For example, if the maid suggested cleaning something another day, my mom would say, "I hope you suffer your entire lifetime for making me 'suffer,' and that not even your family will help you out in your times of need."
She's always been short-tempered and mean for as long as I can remember. When I was in kindergarten, I would get zeros on small tests because she wouldn't teach me, and my dad was working in another city. When I showed her my grades, she would hit me. Yes, she would hit me, a 5-year-old, for not doing well in something she didn't teach me. And back then, I didn't have the ability to study on my own. She wouldn't let me go to birthday parties, sleepovers, or hang out with my friends, saying they were bad influences on me. She constantly doubts me and enquires if I have a boyfriend, and that if I do, she says I should break up with him. (Actually, I don't have one, but I don't think it's any of her business now that I'm 18, and she still does this.)
While I was preparing for my entrance test, she would often ask me to help around the house much more than usual. And when I would tell her to let me study she would call me lazy and that I don't want to help her, even saying that all this studying will get me nowhere as I am dumb anyway, (maybe she is right.) This made it hard for me to study for long periods and broke my momentum, making me lose confidence and hence lead to the panic attack on the day of the test, I think. She would also say terrible things to me all day, calling me a horrible daughter and saying she regrets having me and wishes for me to die, or for her to die herself. She talks about running away and never looking back at us, or even wanting to poison and kill me. She says many more hurtful things that I don't want to repeat here. Then, a few hours later, she acts like nothing happened and goes back to talking to me as if everything is normal. I, relieved that everything seems back to normal, let her do that, only to realize that it was never normal, and her anger kept building up. She has never apologized to me for any of the beatings or hurtful words, and I have never asked for one either.
We've had some good mom-daughter moments in the past, but I don't understand where I went wrong to make her hate me so much. During my exam prep, she would constantly curse me, saying I wouldn't qualify and that I would fail my exam. Now she mocks me by saying that this is what happens when you mistreat your mother. But I've never mistreated her. Even after all those beatings and insults, I would stay quiet and only speak up when it was too much to bear, and even then, I was defensive, never offensive.
I have a younger sister too, and she treats her the same way. She still beats us both up, even though I'm 18, for the smallest things. Despite that, I still try to protect her as much as I can. When I was little, we used to live in our old home, and I don't but I had done some mischief, and she threw a knife at me, and it scratched my ankle, and began to bleed a little. I remember I had to ge an injection for that later, to prevent any infections. It was nothing major, but imagine doing that to a 3-year-old? When I was in Elementary School, I had done something which pissed her off, so she threw a water bottle at me which had sharp edges, it hit my forehead and I got a little gash there. I still have that scar. Growing up, I've been really scared of dropping things like liquids or food, or anything that could make a mess. I mean terrified, like my knees go weak and my brain stops working whenever I spill anything, even if it's just water. I end up crying because whenever I spilled anything, my mom would hit me with heavy and painful objects, scratch my face, pull my hair tightly, and then make me clean the mess. I thought it was okay because where I live, parents hitting their kids to discipline them is very common. But when I asked my friends if their parents hit them, they would say, "Yeah, sometimes, like a slap or something when I don't listen to them and misbehave." And that was shocking to me, but I would also agree with them.
Once, I went to my friend's house after begging my mom to let me go. There, while eating, I accidentally knocked over a glass on my table, and the water spilled. I started to panic, constantly apologizing with tears in my eyes. Then my friend calmed me down and said, "Chill, dude, it's just water. It'll dry up in no time. And even if it was something else like milk, we could clean it up. It's not a big deal. Things spill every day." And that's when it dawned on me that what she was saying actually made sense. It was stupid to cry over something so small when it could be fixed so easily. But I've grown up thinking the exact opposite, and it was always a huge deal for me, still is.
My dad lives in another city for his work and only comes once a week or once in a fortnight. During that time, my mother is a bit relaxed, and so is my sister and I. But she also ends up arguing with him, calling him bad names, and treating him the same way she treats us. But my dad loves her a lot and puts up with her. My sister and I haven't told our dad about how she treats us because whenever she even scolds us or hits us a little in front of my dad, he gets angry and starts arguing with her. Then she blames me for causing a fight between them, saying I don’t want anyone to be happy. That's why we never tell our dad about it because we don’t want to be the reason for a rift in their relationship.
Lately, she's been saying that she can’t tolerate me and hates me too much to live with me. She threatens to tell my dad to take me away with him to his work city and live there. She says even my dad will soon realize that I’m such a piece of shit and will abandon me as well. She says nobody in this world will love me or care for me because of how I am. Just because I am inexpressive with my emotions doesn’t mean her words don’t hurt me. It’s heartbreaking to think that my own mother thinks this way of me.
I want to make things right and make her see that I’m not as bad as she thinks, but our relationship is too far gone for that to happen now. I still love her, and last night I had a dream that she up and left our family and ran away somewhere. I woke up with a racing heart and started crying. I don’t want that to happen, but I also can’t stand to live with her anymore. However, I still love her and want her to love me too. I don’t know where I went wrong. :((
Update: Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for your supportive comments and suggestions. I read through each and every one of them and the most common advice was for me to move away from her for some time to allow both of us some space and time for reflection.
Addressing a few queries: Regarding the maid situation, I've repeatedly urged my mom to replace her, but she's reluctant due to past experiences of going through multiple maids and none working up to the mark, this maid is efficient in her work and she prioritises a clean house over the maid's behaviour.
Someone here said that distance between my mom and I might make the hearts grow fonder. My mom and I have spent time apart for like a month or 2 when she goes to my grandmother’s house but her behaviour still remains unchanged towards me so I don’t think she’ll shower me with love even with an extended time gap.
And yes, my mom has endured a very rough childhood. She tells me about it sometimes. Her parents had sent her off to live with her grandparents over the holidays when she was just 6 or something but they never really took her back in. She went to school and completed her education in her grandparents’ town. While her grandparents were very nice and kind and loved her a lot, her Uncle was very abusive and would often hit her when she made even a little mistake. She would come back to her parents’ house in holidays and stuff and she would then witness the partial treatment of her parents. She says that the only person who truly loved her was her grandmother.
My mom has 4 siblings and all of them lived with her parents (my grandparents) while she was left at her grandparents’ house. She says she always felt left out in her own home and that even her siblings treated her indifferently. Even now, her siblings make plans to hangout without even including my mom. They only approach her when they need to get some work done with the help of my dad.
I empathise with her and understand that she is still carrying trauma from her childhood which is why she behaves the way she does. But I can’t help feeling sad and miserable - both for her and myself. She probably doesn’t even realise what she’s doing as this started to come natural to her because of her past experiences. Sometimes, even I start to act like my mother and yell mean things at my sister, which I then later realise and apologise. I am working on it.
I guess it’s just that she has had a tough past and she was married off at a pretty young age too. It’s a good thing my dad is a good man and took care of her but I think the distance between them (due to my dad’s job) didn’t help much either. She must feel lonely and frustrated. My dad’s parents passed away soon after my sister was born and shouldering all the familial responsibilities has made her weary and frustrated over the years and she’s not even old yet. And the drama with the maid adds fuel to the fire, which leads to her directing her pent-up anger at me and my sister.
In the post I made earlier, I was angry and wasn’t thinking right, but now that I think about it with a cool mind I’m starting to see a broader perspective. I understand the root causes of her behaviour and actions. I intend to discuss it with my dad eventually and maybe ask him to get her the help she needs later. I hope she gets better and so does my relationship with her.
To those saying my post is too long and they can’t read all of this, you don’t have to.

So a bit of backstory, my husband's side of the family is notoriously not very kind to us. We get excluded from things, last minute invites when we are invited to something, and it is very clear that we are either not welcome or not really cared about. We have a daughter who just turned 5, and of course everybody loves her. She's a sweet little kid.
Husband and I celebrated daughter's birthday on Monday with a nuclear family dinner, just the 3 of us. We did not get to go to the restaurant I suggested, but we let daughter pick and she chose something else. No big deal, but is relevant to the story.
So SIL is getting remarried this month. She loves my daughter but treats my husband (her brother) like crap. Without asking us, SIL declared that daughter will be her flower girl. This isn't a big wedding, it is a small event in a nice park.
I just found out today that the "sleepover" MIL invited daughter to for tonight is actually her, SIL, BIL, their 3 kids, and FIL taking our daughter out to dinner to celebrate her birthday at the place I wanted to take her, without inviting me or my husband. Naturally I'm pissed because they made plans with my child and snuck it around us.
WIBTA if I pull daughter out of the wedding and do not attend? We won't give them a reason upfront, but the reason would be the lack of consideration of us and generally not involving daughter's parents in things they try to plan with her. If you want my minor child to attend an event, either communicate for real with me or invite her parents as well.
Edit to add a bit more info: MIL provides childcare for us, on her own request. she is happy to do it. she isn't generally the problem but isn't always considerate of us. SIL is the problem and everyone bends to her will, which is where MIL and FIL enable her. MIL offered to watch daughter overnight to give me and husband a date night since we don't really get time alone together, and we thanked her and accepted the opportunity. the family birthday dinner was planned behind our backs around that.
Daughter starts kindergarten in a few months and once she is in school we won't really have a need for her to be at grandma's house so often.

My mom is very mean and toxic. I, 18F, just finished school. Last year, I was preparing for a test to get into my dream college. But on the test day, I got overwhelmed and panicked, and hence fucked up the exam. I couldn't qualify by 80 marks and I cried a lot. My dad (48 M) comforted me, said I could try again next year, and he'd be there for me with whatever decision I made. I have decided to study again for the test next year and hopefully not fuck up again.
During this time, my mom (42F) also gave me advice on how to manage my time better and study well. She showed a lot of support. I was really surprised but felt thankful to have such supportive parents.
But that's not the main issue. We have a maid who works for us, and she sometimes talks back to my mom and insults her. My mom puts up with it for her own reasons. She has OCD and wants the house to be squeaky clean all the time. The maid used to make sure of it, but lately, she got tired of my mom's overbearing nature. She decided to stand up for herself and started neglecting some of the work, (Which is fine because why do you need to dust off the cobwebs every single day when they hadn’t even formed yet?! Or clean the 2nd floor of our house daily which literally no one uses and remains closed and clean most of the time - cleaning once a week, hence even once a month should suffice.) But my mom wouldn't listen. She started insulting our maid in every possible way, calling her names, saying she's poor, unworthy, and uneducated. She even wished bad things upon her, saying awful things directly to her face. For example, if the maid suggested cleaning something another day, my mom would say, "I hope you suffer your entire lifetime for making me 'suffer,' and that not even your family will help you out in your times of need."
She's always been short-tempered and mean for as long as I can remember. When I was in kindergarten, I would get zeros on small tests because she wouldn't teach me, and my dad was working in another city. When I showed her my grades, she would hit me. Yes, she would hit me, a 5-year-old, for not doing well in something she didn't teach me. And back then, I didn't have the ability to study on my own. She wouldn't let me go to birthday parties, sleepovers, or hang out with my friends, saying they were bad influences on me. She constantly doubts me and enquires if I have a boyfriend, and that if I do, she says I should break up with him. (Actually, I don't have one, but I don't think it's any of her business now that I'm 18, and she still does this.)
While I was preparing for my entrance test, she would often ask me to help around the house much more than usual. And when I would tell her to let me study she would call me lazy and that I don't want to help her, even saying that all this studying will get me nowhere as I am dumb anyway, (maybe she is right.) This made it hard for me to study for long periods and broke my momentum, making me lose confidence and hence lead to the panic attack on the day of the test, I think. She would also say terrible things to me all day, calling me a horrible daughter and saying she regrets having me and wishes for me to die, or for her to die herself. She talks about running away and never looking back at us, or even wanting to poison and kill me. She says many more hurtful things that I don't want to repeat here. Then, a few hours later, she acts like nothing happened and goes back to talking to me as if everything is normal. I, relieved that everything seems back to normal, let her do that, only to realize that it was never normal, and her anger kept building up. She has never apologized to me for any of the beatings or hurtful words, and I have never asked for one either.
We've had some good mom-daughter moments in the past, but I don't understand where I went wrong to make her hate me so much. During my exam prep, she would constantly curse me, saying I wouldn't qualify and that I would fail my exam. Now she mocks me by saying that this is what happens when you mistreat your mother. But I've never mistreated her. Even after all those beatings and insults, I would stay quiet and only speak up when it was too much to bear, and even then, I was defensive, never offensive.
I have a younger sister too, and she treats her the same way. She still beats us both up, even though I'm 18, for the smallest things. Despite that, I still try to protect her as much as I can. When I was , we used to live in our old home, and I don't but I had done some mischief, and she threw a knife at me, and it scratched my ankle, and began to bleed a little. I remember I had to ge an injection for that later, to prevent any infections. It was nothing major, but imagine doing that to a 3-year-old? When I was in Elementary School, I had done something which pissed her off, so she threw a water bottle at me which had sharp edges, it hit my forehead and I got a little gash there. I still have that scar. Growing up, I've been really scared of dropping things like liquids or food, or anything that could make a mess. I mean terrified, like my knees go weak and my brain stops working whenever I spill anything, even if it's just water. I end up crying because whenever I spilled anything, my mom would hit me with heavy and painful objects, scratch my face, pull my hair tightly, and then make me clean the mess. I thought it was okay because where I live, parents hitting their kids to discipline them is very common. But when I asked my friends if their parents hit them, they would say, "Yeah, sometimes, like a slap or something when I don't listen to them and misbehave." And that was shocking to me, but I would also agree with them.
Once, I went to my friend's house after begging my mom to let me go. There, while eating, I accidentally knocked over a glass on my table, and the water spilled. I started to panic, constantly apologizing with tears in my eyes. Then my friend calmed me down and said, "Chill, dude, it's just water. It'll dry up in no time. And even if it was something else like milk, we could clean it up. It's not a big deal. Things spill every day." And that's when it dawned on me that what she was saying actually made sense. It was stupid to cry over something so small when it could be fixed so easily. But I've grown up thinking the exact opposite, and it was always a huge deal for me, still is.
My dad lives in another city for his work and only comes once a week or once in a fortnight. During that time, my mother is a bit relaxed, and so is my sister and I. But she also ends up arguing with him, calling him bad names, and treating him the same way she treats us. But my dad loves her a lot and puts up with her. My sister and I haven't told our dad about how she treats us because whenever she even scolds us or hits us a little in front of my dad, he gets angry and starts arguing with her. Then she blames me for causing a fight between them, saying I don’t want anyone to be happy. That's why we never tell our dad about it because we don’t want to be the reason for a rift in their relationship.
Lately, she's been saying that she can’t tolerate me and hates me too much to live with me. She threatens to tell my dad to take me away with him to his work city and live there. She says even my dad will soon realize that I’m such a piece of shit and will abandon me as well. She says nobody in this world will love me or care for me because of how I am. Just because I am inexpressive with my emotions doesn’t mean her words don’t hurt me. It’s heartbreaking to think that my own mother thinks this way of me.
I want to make things right and make her see that I’m not as bad as she thinks, but our relationship is too far gone for that to happen now. I still love her, and last night I had a dream that she up and left our family and ran away somewhere. I woke up with a racing heart and started crying. I don’t want that to happen, but I also can’t stand to live with her anymore. However, I still love her and want her to love me too. I don’t know where I went wrong.