Hey all. (I hope I type this within the rules) I (26f) am planning on trying for a baby soon and it got me thinking about my father.
For slightly long context, he and my mother were barely together. My mother was told she couldn't have children so no birth control was used. When my mother left him and returned to our hometown to be with my Dad (the man who raised me), she had unknowingly gotten pregnant.
Fast-forward to 2010, my Dad died and family drama led to it being revealed that he wasn't my bio dad barely a month afterwards. I spoke to my Father five months after my Dad's passing. At first everything was fine. Great even. But this first contact led to 11 years of pain and manipulation.
My Father has a very troubled past and even a troubled present that I can't get into or his identity will be found pretty easily. Anyways, because of his troubles and my own (along with my need to have a father again), we trauma bonded. Unfortunately this turned me into his therapist at a very young age. I didn't see anything wrong with it because at the time I had appointed myself as the fixer of anyone and everyone.
Things started to go downhill when he met his ex. I won't go into their whole thing since it's too much and kinda irrelevant. When things were going good for them and for him in general, he barely talked to me nor did he return my calls when he said he would. When things were going bad, he suddenly needed me. The world was terrible. She was terrible. The government was bad. All that jazz. He was suddenly my dad again and I was the only one he could trust in such a horrible world. I ate it up because I finally got his attention. I finally had my dad back.
Sadly this whole dynamic would continue for the entirety of my teenage years up until 2021. The severity of things got worse as well. He would talk about his shortcomings and depression but as soon as I tried to open up about my mental issues and life, he would wave me off and bring it back to him. He made me feel like his problems were more important than mine especially since I empathized with how bad his life was. We would be partners in crime during this whole time. I would send him money when he asked.
Then things would be good again and I supposably had no say in what was happening because I was a kid and my life experiences didn't mean anything. I went back to being irrelevant to his life except when he needed money.
Before I go on, I would like to say that yes he has a mental illness, schizophrenia specifically. He refused and still refuses to take medication, this also leading to the downfall of our relationship.
When I visited him the first time, I wasn't medicated and going through a really really rough time in my life. The second visit, he said I wasn't the same and that medication is a lie and bad for me. The third visit, he convinced me to go off of my meds. The thing is, I had been telling him how bad my head was before I started taking them and tried to tell him they made me feel better. I wanted his approval so I made the mistake of going off of them. My mother tried to tell him that this was bad but he tried to tell her the same things he told me.
As I was spiraling into the nightmare that was my mind and our relationship, I tried to tell him multiple times over and over again about how he made me feel. Every time he promised to be better while also gaslighting me into thinking that most of his behavior was all in my head.
In 2020, he and his wife divorced but he wasn't taking it well at all. He showed up at her job and broke the restraining order she had against him. She had spoken to me and told me her reasoning for the breakup. She told me that she knows that he's told me only his side of the story and she understands if I still hated her but felt that I should know so I could at least prevent him from being homeless. The whole ordeal was pretty much the climax of all of the ugliness that I had been drowning in. I was massively depressed, losing sleep, having migraines, having break downs, and just was on the brink of ending it all because I just wanted all of the noise to end.
At the end of 2020 my Father had been arrested and was trying to get money for bail. At the time, I had lost my car and lost my job so I was no longer able to supply him with money. This time he went off on me. He told me he hated me. That he could no longer trust me because I "refused" to give him money to get out. That I didn't really love him and I was no longer his daughter. My mother and sister were just about ready to hunt him down because of how much that broke me. I sent him more money while he was in jail up until January of 2021.
He had gotten out and I sent him a final message about how I no longer wanted him in my life. How he wasted so many years of my life that I just wanted to get that time back by going no contact for the same amount of time. I told him I would still let him know if I had kids and have my half sister send him the pictures. He downplayed it and kept saying he didn't agree with my decision. I went off on him and told him that if he was actually sorry for his actions and understood where I was coming from, he would agree but I didn't need him to agree. Just understand. My mother and sister reminded me that he was trying to drag me down again so I decided to cut him out of my life forever.
I am in a much better place now and on medication for a decent number of mental issues, one of them also being schizophrenia. I try not to think about my father. It's been three years since I cut contact. And I feel so much happier. Yet, I still find myself thinking about what I possibly did for him to hurt me for all these years. Why he doesn't love me. Why he wasn't the father I needed. And now, with my plans of having children soon coming into fruition, I wonder, just a little bit, if I should talk to him. Let him back in just so he can know his grandkid. I know the obvious answer is a hard stop bold NO but..... Despite all of the hell he put me through, I still remember the good times and just want them back.
I wish I didn't feel like this. I really wish I can hate him. I want to hate him. I haven't told my mom my thoughts yet because I know she'll support me no matter what I do.

I went in to the GI doctor and we discussed the removal of anal skin tags. He pretty much didn’t explain much other than banding ligation the bigger one and using liquid nitrogen. Appointment day comes and he sprays 5% lidocaine (the kind you can buy at CVS) and starts blasting liquid nitrogen then proceeds to put on 3 rubber bands using a tool. This hurt SO bad and i was to the point where i felt like i had to pass out. After, they told me the skin tag will just die and fall off. I researched this procedure after because i wanted to know if it hurt anyone else this badly, and it doesn’t seem like this is a standard practice to remove external anal skin tags, I’ve only seen the banding for internal hemorrhoids (bc the pain is less). Now after 3-4 days of pain the rubber bands have fallen off and I’m still left with the skin tag.

I’m not sure where to start, but ever since 2016 my life has been derailing. I’m 25F, but in 2016 my parents went thru a very bad divorce (prior to that we had a normal happy home) and my mother 50F cheated on my dad 48M and then abandoned me after getting a restraining order on him, thereby leaving me alone for weeks. That was until my dad came back home and we moved together out of the state. Following that disaster, we moved and my dad was depressed and suicidal for a while. Our roles switched and I took on a parental role for my dad. I cooked for him, worked and gave him all my money, etc. In a short time span, he began dating a woman who at first seemed very compassionate. However, she very quickly moved in with us and completely took control of everything. She would yell at my dad anytime he spent money on me for school and she once called me a b***ch to my face which I thought was wildly inappropriate. So that’s the backstory. Today, several years later I have moved out and am currently living with my ex boyfriend; however his family is unbelievably wealthy and my family is dirt poor. I could write a novel of how narcissistic and unkind they have been towards me, but long story short I broke up with my boyfriend because of his family. The breaking point was when I gave his sister a graduation present and she literally refused it. “Maybe you can open it when you get home.” “I don’t want it” and his step mom laughed as she watched this interaction. Following that incident, his family has turned him against me and convinced him that I am a gold digger when I’ve been working since 2015. At this point, my dad and his gf have had a child together and my dad has completely cut contact with me. On my birthday this year he did not call but instead texted me a picture of him and my half sister…I get the impression that my dad subconsciously associates me with my mother and the divorce, but I feel like sending me photos of my sister (who due to the GF I am not even allowed to have any meaningful relationship with) is plain cruel. My life sucks and I am beyond depressed. It’s so bad that I even reached out to my mother and sobbed about how my dad wants nothing to do with me and she yelled at me and told me to forgive him because “you’re taking it way too hard he probably barely even thinks about you” I have no money, an abusive ex bf and a family that I hate. I do also have an older sister but unfortunately she was in college during my parents whole divorce and she has always taken the side of my mother so I don’t feel any support from her. Recently I’ve been in contact with this really sweet guy who I like a lot. He’s genuinely the only reason I haven’t killed myself. The problem is I truly have no way to afford to live alone and if I go to live with my mom that’ll be in a state very far away. My question is how do I improve my situation/heal?
TL:DR: My Mother abandoned me. My father started a new family. On my birthday, he rubbed his new family in my face and did not wish me a happy birthday. I live with my ex boyfriend 25M, but I want to leave. I am struggling mentally and financially. What should I do?

I have a friend who has a history of only dating men but has never fallen in love with one. I met her a little over a year ago and approached her because she was cute. She was having a bad day and needed advice on something and anyway we ended up exchanging phone numbers.
She showered me with compliments and giggled and blushed in my presence but after inviting me to go somewhere she wanted to talk about her boyfriend problems. Then she told me it's great to have a new friend. I spent less time with her because I didn't want me heart broken.
She got interested in a guy and exactly at that time stopped inviting me out. When she dumped him she started wanting to spend time with me again. She has taken me to the movies and held the door for me, ordered me an under and touched me on the shoulder, invited me over during the holidays and we had a long silence where she was blushing and giggled, but she hasn't mentioned even being attracted to women... Only that she has lesbian friends.
When she mentioned those friends, I mentioned I like girls. She just asked me out to the movies again. She grew up in the Bible belt and has a very conservative background. I sense that she's closeted and a male gay friend of mine thinks so too. Even my Mom sensed that she liked me when she met her once. She also started sending me pictures of her lying down but always made it about her dog so it was hard to know her intention.
I'm a baby gay and younger than her so any advice would be appreciated. I meabtioned to her that I'm gay again tonight. I called her and we talked for an hour. She asked if we're "still on" for the movies and told me there somewhere else she wants to "take me." She always wants to see the sunset with me. But she also mentions wanting to have kids and struggling to find a guy she likes.
What do you guys think?
Should I make a move? Specifically: putting my leg against hers at the movies, touching her arm during a funny or scary scene, acting chivalrous, telling her she looks very nice?
I've never had this vibe with a straight friend before, but I would love feedback if her actions seem like she likes me or if it's just me reading into it because I want her to like me ...
Thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻

For my (21NB) entire life, I’ve always been made to feel like my body is the only thing that has value to people. The “why” is a series of long stories that I don’t particularly feel like getting into. But point blank, I’ve been through a lot of sexual trauma with people I thought were friends. The result? For YEARS I felt like I had to let my friends do sexual things to me for them to want to keep me around.
I have this one friend (22M).. I’ve known him for almost 7 years, and honestly, he’s my best friend in this world… but when I was 14, and he was 15, whenever we’d hang out, he used to touch my boobs. I let him. I never said no. Or.. almost never. There was one time that I tried to, but he said something along the lines of “oh come on, it’s tradition now!” And when he said that, I felt so guilty about saying no, and so scared to lose him from my life, that I just let him. But I felt absolutely disgusting about it… after a while, I got into a relationship and it stopped. We never talked about it.
Eventually, That relationship ended, and it never happened again. I stayed friends with him, and over the years, he’s become a MUCH better friend.. like at this point, and for the past 6 years, I can tell that he REALLY values me as a person, and not for anything else. He’s always there when I need him. When my ex and I were going through a rough patch, he came over with lasagna and 🍃 🚬 💨. I went through a bad breakup, he came to my house at 3 in the morning and took me to a park, and we walked around until he got me to laugh. Every year on my birthday, he always gets me the best gifts. They aren’t the most expensive or flashy, but they’re always the most thoughtful. They’re always VERY specifically tailored to my style, even down to the way he wraps them. When my current partner and I were moving (from my old city back to my hometown, which was four hours away) and we had some complications (that’s it’s own story but for context purposes, here’s the short version: we got back to the new place SUPER late, from no fault of our own, and NEEDED to get the Uhaul unpacked ASAP before we had to return it). He was the only person that was there. He came over in the middle of the night and pulled a full all nighter with us to help us move. And on top of all of that, when my little brother went through his first heartbreak recently and needed some “dude to dude” advice, he was there. These are just a few examples of the type of friend he has been to me over the years. I have so many more, but you get the picture.
But sometimes I look at him… and I just remember how the friendship started. How his behavior in the beginning contributed to the way I felt about myself… how.. he saw me.. like THAT… and it just makes me feel sick. It makes me feel gross. Dirty.
There are times when he talks to me… goes on about how he doesn’t deserve me in his life, and how I’m truly the best friend he’s ever had, and the way he says it… I can FEEL his guilt. It’s not even WHAT he says. It’s HOW he says it, and the way he looks at me when he does. We’re so close. I KNOW him. I’ve known him for so many years.. I can read his expressions, tone, mannerisms, etc like a book.
Sometimes, when I can tell he’s feeling guilty, and when I’m feeling gross… it’s just this weird unspoken thing… and God… even after all of these years, I still have no fucking idea how to address it… or if I even should. A part of me feels like it’s been so long that bringing it up now would just bring unnecessary tension and awkwardness into a friendship that I cherish SO much. It just doesn’t feel worth it to risk losing him by talking about my feelings over something that happened so many years ago. But sometimes… It really gets to me… and I just want to tell him how I felt… how I still feel sometimes… i want to tell him that I forgive him… that it wasn’t his fault (not entirely, anyway)… and that I don’t want him to feel guilty.. but I don’t know how. Or if I even should.
I guess I’m here because I want to know.. is it worth it to bring it up now? Should I talk to him? Or should I just… let it go? And if I do talk to him, how the hell do I go about bringing this up?

For my (21NB) entire life, I’ve always been made to feel like my body is the only thing that has value to people. The “why” is a series of long stories that I don’t particularly feel like getting into. But point blank, I’ve been through a lot of sexual trauma with people I thought were friends. The result? For YEARS I felt like I had to let my friends do sexual things to me for them to want to keep me around.
I have this one friend (22M).. I’ve known him for almost 7 years, and honestly, he’s my best friend in this world… but when I was 14, and he was 15, whenever we’d hang out, he used to touch my boobs. I let him. I never said no. Or.. almost never. There was one time that I tried to, but he said something along the lines of “oh come on, it’s tradition now!” And when he said that, I felt so guilty about saying no, and so scared to lose him from my life, that I just let him. But I felt absolutely disgusting about it… after a while, I got into a relationship and it stopped. We never talked about it.
Eventually, That relationship ended, and it never happened again. I stayed friends with him, and over the years, he’s become a MUCH better friend.. like at this point, and for the past 6 years, I can tell that he REALLY values me as a person, and not for anything else. He’s always there when I need him. When my ex and I were going through a rough patch, he came over with lasagna and 🍃 🚬 💨. I went through a bad breakup, he came to my house at 3 in the morning and took me to a park, and we walked around until he got me to laugh. Every year on my birthday, he always gets me the best gifts. They aren’t the most expensive or flashy, but they’re always the most thoughtful. They’re always VERY specifically tailored to my style, even down to the way he wraps them. When my current partner and I were moving (from my old city back to my hometown, which was four hours away) and we had some complications (that’s it’s own story but for context purposes, here’s the short version: we got back to the new place SUPER late, from no fault of our own, and NEEDED to get the Uhaul unpacked ASAP before we had to return it). He was the only person that was there. He came over in the middle of the night and pulled a full all nighter with us to help us move. And on top of all of that, when my little brother went through his first heartbreak recently and needed some “dude to dude” advice, he was there. These are just a few examples of the type of friend he has been to me over the years. I have so many more, but you get the picture.
But sometimes I look at him… and I just remember how the friendship started. How his behavior in the beginning contributed to the way I felt about myself… how.. he saw me.. like THAT… and it just makes me feel sick. It makes me feel gross. Dirty.
There are times when he talks to me… goes on about how he doesn’t deserve me in his life, and how I’m truly the best friend he’s ever had, and the way he says it… I can FEEL his guilt. It’s not even WHAT he says. It’s HOW he says it, and the way he looks at me when he does. We’re so close. I KNOW him. I’ve known him for so many years.. I can read his expressions, tone, mannerisms, etc like a book.
Sometimes, when I can tell he’s feeling guilty, and when I’m feeling gross… it’s just this weird unspoken thing… and God… even after all of these years, I still have no fucking idea how to address it… or if I even should. A part of me feels like it’s been so long that bringing it up now would just bring unnecessary tension and awkwardness into a friendship that I cherish SO much. It just doesn’t feel worth it to risk losing him by talking about my feelings over something that happened so many years ago. But sometimes… It really gets to me… and I just want to tell him how I felt… how I still feel sometimes… i want to tell him that I forgive him… that it wasn’t his fault (not entirely, anyway)… and that I don’t want him to feel guilty.. but I don’t know how. Or if I even should.
I guess I’m here because I want to know.. is it worth it to bring it up now? Should I talk to him? Or should I just… let it go? And if I do talk to him, how the hell do I go about bringing this up?

Hii, so I made a few posts on this but I'm saying this here because I know somebody could maybe relate.
Basically in March 31st, I think I caught a piece of candy at the back side of my mouth which caused me to start having a gagging fit.
And ever since then I been to scared to eat. In case it would happen again.
And on April 18-19 I was biting my nails. ( bad habit ) and suddenly when I swallowed I felt something in my throat. Like something was stuck there. So I was thinking "it's gonna happen again. It's gonna happen again."
And the next day I still felt something there. I felt like something was at the back of my mouth. And I also felt something in my throat. And I was getting hot / warm flashes on my back. And my heart was pounding. And I though I was gonna have another gagging fit again. Or even worse throw up. But I did gag because of it.
And I still feel something there. In my throat AND the back of my mouth. But everytime I took pictures at the back of my throat. I saw nothing. And even my mum checked the back of my mouth and she saw nothing.
but I can't check down my throat because I would gag. but nothing is in my mouth or at the back of my mouth.
And everything I swallowed I felt something in my throat. And no matter how much I drank or ate it was still there. And it felt like it was moving. Or switching places. Like for a second it could be at the right side of my throat. And the next it would be at the left side of my throat.
But every time I didn't pay any attention to it. I wouldn't feel it when I swallowed. But when I pay attention to my swallowing and to my throat. I would feel it again. ( BUT I don't know if that will still happen because I been paying so much attention to it. )
I'm wondering if this is goblus sensation?? Because it's scary and confusing because I don't know what caused it. It just came out of nowhere. And I'm to scared to eat. In case it would happen again. I've had no troubles with my breathing. Or drinking
But my mum has told me that IF it was food it would of went straight down due to me drinking. and she said that i would know if ii did have food stuck in my throat. but I can't help but be worried in case if it is food, or if something is stuck.
But I'm just scared to eat. and I think I've been having heart palpations because of it. and I think it's probably due to stress or something because I can't stop thinking about it.
I can breathe fine. and my throat isn't in any pain whatsoever. I can drink fine. ( having a bit of a hard time with swallowing foods because I'm scared it will happen again. ) but yeah.
I will admit that I have been googling a lot about it. ( which I know googling is a MASSIVE NO. but I couldn't help it. )

Am I the A-hole for getting angry at Booking?
Sorry Charlotte about my spelling, I am Icelandic but I promise I will do my best with the help of trusted Google translate. And sorry about how long this is. Love you!
I have to tell you about a trip I took with a friend of mine last March. We both live in Sweden and we needed to go to Stockholm for a few meetings. We booked a really nice place and we were so looking forward to our trip. We decided to get there early so we made the trip around 10.30 am so we would be in Stockholm around 3 pm.
We got to our destination around 2.30 pm and I wanted to see if we could check in early. I rang the doorbell and a man answered (it was like a door cam) and when I told him I had a booking there and was wondering if we could check in early he said surprised: The property has been sold, it is not on booking anymore.
I was shocked and told him that not only did I have a booking confirmation I had also already paid for the stay.
The man told me he was about ten minutes away and he would come and help us out. He was amazing.
When he arrived we talked a little and he called booking.com to tell them the situation. It was going back and forth and we decided to change phone numbers so we wouldn't have to wait in the car.
We went to a coffee shop and when we got there I got a message from booking that they had received a phone call about everything and it would be solved within 30 minutes, this was around 3.30. I was so relieved because I was tired after driving all day and we had a dinner meeting so I just wanted to get to where we would be staying and freshen up and change our clothes.
We waited and waited. Around 5 pm, an hour before we were supposed to be at the restaurant I called booking. I had to wait around 40 minutes until I was connected to customer service. On the other end was a lady. She was not very polite and made me feel like this mess was somehow all my fault, because I should have known that the property was sold, sorry but I do not have psychic powers. After a while she asked if she could call me in a few minutes and I told her IF it would only be a few minutes it would be ok. At this time I had already canceled our dinner plans cos we were late and not prepared.
After waiting for an hour I called customer service again. I did not have to wait as long as before and a gentleman came to the phone. I have to say that he was polite unlike his colleague (she was not rude though but she made me feel like I was wasting her time) ANYWHO! The man that I was talking to told me that I had been sent a message from the lady I had talked to before. I told him that I had received no email and no message on booking.com. He told me yes you did it’s on booking and I answered NO I am looking at my booking and there is no message here. Magically it appeared right then and there and it was another place but it was more expensive. I was told that after we would check out I would be paid the difference. I was tired and hungry and I just wanted to take a shower and go to bed so we drove to the new place. I had tried the link that booking sent me but it said that I could not book this place for some reason. I thought ohhh maybe it’s because booking has done that for me. Wrong!
The couple that owned the home were surprised when we knocked on their door and told us that they had not received anything from booking but we could stay. They were very nice and helpful and told us not to worry, we would just talk to booking tomorrow. It was almost 9 pm now and I was exhausted. But before I did anything else I sent booking a question about what to do next because I could not book through the link. After that I fell asleep.
The next morning, we woke up early cos we had a meeting with the Icelandic embassy. I checked if I had gotten an answer from booking and the answer was: you have to book through the link we sent you. Again I told them I can’t do that, I have tried.
I talked to the couple and told them that it was still a problem and I couldn’t call customer service cos I had a very important meeting that I had to go to. They told me not to worry they would be in contact with booking. The solution was that I would pay the couple directly, get a receipt and send a picture of it to booking.
Easy? NO
I did exactly what they wanted. There reply was. The receipt is 1790 KR. It needs to be 1790 SEK (Swedish crowns) . This was on the day we had checked out and we were on our way home.
I contacted the homeowners and they made a new receipt for 1790 SEK and I sent that again. The answer was, we need proof that this has been paid. I went into my bank account and took a screenshot of the payment. Again the answer was, we can not use this, we need a receipt that says 1790 SEK and that it is paid in full. I contacted the couple again and they were amazed how difficult this all was. Couldn’t they just have said all of that in the first message.
I sent the receipt hoping this would be the last of it. But of course no.
After a long wait I got money sent into my wallet on Booking to use on my next trip. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. At that time I turned into a Karen and asked to speak to the manager and I was told sorry we can’t let you do that, we don’t have one but you can send an email to this address and tell us what you are unhappy with.
I sent a good letter, telling them that this was the first time I have had a bad experience with their service and I was very unhappy. I had been traveling with a person that has autism and because of that everything was 10 times harder. My friend only wanted to go home and I wasn’t able to get to the meetings that I had except the embassy cos I had to go there and that took blood, sweat and tears to get my wonderful autistic friend to make that appointment. Because of this I will have to travel back to Stockholm to do all the things that I wasn’t able to on this trip. I also told them that I would want the payment paid to my credit card or paypal asap.
Surprisingly I did not receive an answer. I sent another email and asked if someone was going to answer me and I got an answer on booking telling me that I could go into my wallet on booking and get it paid into my credit card. So I did that and received an email that my payment was on the way. That was a month ago. I still haven't received any money. I went into booking and no surprise they have deleted all the conversations but unlucky for them I took a screenshot of everything. I decided to send them another email that I had not received any payment and they would have until the end of the week to pay me back or I will have to report this cos to me this is stealing.
So am I the ahole for being angry and am I the a-hole for thinking that booking should apologize and not in the way that they were sorry for the way I felt. And am I the a-hole Karen for expecting to maybe get an extra discount on my next trip to Stockholm since I have to go back?

I have just turned 18, and the question of “marriage” had started to enter almost every conversation I have with my family members— especially my mother. She kept asking when will I have a boyfriend, and when can they expect marriage to happen. At first, it sounded like a joke and I laughed it off, as I am not interested in the idea of marriage at all— let alone marrying young! But as time goes by, I’m beginning to think that she is serious and even almost everyone of my family members have started to chime into the idea of me marrying young (I’m the firstborn child in an Asian family— so all eyes are on me). Naturally, I started letting them know that marriage isn’t even something I want in the future, and everyone blew up on me saying that it’s bad luck to say that and I will eventually regret saying that.
The thing is, Im not really attracted to men, and that’s why I can’t picture myself being married to one. Of course, no one knows that fact, as it is taboo and sinful (in my culture and religion). So I will just bury that and live the rest of my life like I’m supposed to. I know that I will eventually have to succumb to marriage, as it is expected of me and I truly must do it, but it’s been bothering me as of late because I feel stuck and forced to live a life I don’t want to.
Other than that, I’m also scared because I feel like I’m too young to think about marriage (I mean, I JUST turned 18!). I have never been in a relationship with a man, and I don’t think I want to— that is if I’m not pressured to be with one anyways. I know that everyone want the best for me, but I can’t help but feel pressured.
I don’t know what to do, no one really knows the truth and they can never know this. Im not planning to tell the world publicly anyways, but I’m just a little sad that I have to pretend for the rest of my life. I would probably delete this post after a while, but I just want to let it out because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.

Hello, you lovely people!
This post is going to be a lengthy one as I want to be crystal clear about my needs, who am I looking for and what I have to offer so we don't waste each other's time and increase chance of clicking well! I am tired of getting played and want to create a meaningful bond with someone so reading my entire post is your first task! T . T
So who/what am I looking for? Definitely not a group of friends and/or people, even if it's a smaller circle, sorry! I am also not looking for a short-term fun. Due to chain of bad events that started in 2023 and continued till the march, I pretty much became a loner. I have two online buddies I sometimes hangout with and one irl buddy I meet up with like twice a month. People broke me to the point where after creating similar post some time ago, I chickened out after two hours and deleted it and now I've been hesitating to create this one for like 2-3 weeks now T . T
For two months now, I've been putting myself first and kind of went back to my roots which definitely helped me mentally. With that being said, I'd love to be someone's priority. I don't want to be your plan C or D if that makes sense. That's why I am leaning towards people that are on the lonely side, who aren't surrounded by dozens of people, friends, s/o, etc. Don't get me wrong, you can have friends and important people in your life, it is absolutely vital and healthy! I just don't want to get left behind on a whim for someone else as that happened before on a larger scale and hurt a lot.
All in all, I am looking for a kindred spirit. I love clingy/obssessive/possessive energy (as long as it's not going TOO deep into yandere territory, I can handle light yandere haha) and lots of random spam! Be it random messages, thoughts, memes, pet pictures, tiktoks - I will gladly receive them all and react! Even if I am away, offline or sleeping, having spam to get back to is always a nice feeling :3
Obviously, I can offer you the same and even more. I know how sad and lonely it can get. It's a dark place. I have a lot of attention to give out. If you need that and a lot of reassurance - I got you! As a fellow overthinker, I won't get tired of doing so!
Important notice, though. I do understand life gets busy, but don't message me if it's too busy for you. I don't want to wait two hours everyday for a response. I am definitely "If he wanted to, he would" person. I feel like in most cases there is no excuse to response decently if someone's important to you, but obviously I don't expect you to lose your mind over it and response when you're actually busy or need a bit of space! The same kind of goes for games, I'd love to actually play together on a regular basis, not once in a blue moon :c
A bit about me! I am a patient and accepting person with high mental health awareness so you can feel safe and not judged no matter what's going on in your life! I am a good listener and can be just that if you need to vent or offer advice or reality check on top of that. I'd like to think I am fun to be around? In a way that I am quick witted with my words and definitely on a silly side, especially in games! I also like all kind of jokes, dark humour included so we might have an issue if you're too sensitive. However, if you're not comfortable with some topics, I always ask people if they're okay with XYZ jokes before I make them! I enjoy both silly talks and stories about nothing and deep, meaningful conversations. I love talking about controversial topics as well! As for my interests, I like to say that I am kind of Jack of all trades. There are definitely topics I know/enjoy more, but the curious person I am, I simply love to explore and learn about everything so feel free to tell me about your passion if you have one! I've always been interested in everything concerning dreams and lucid dreaming as well as our subconscious. Other stuff I enjoy would definitely be languages, japanese/korean culture, creative process such as photo editing or video montage and as of lately - gym related topics!
As for activities, if I am not expanding on my interests, I mainly play video games; watch anime, korean dramas & variety shows; read books/ero-manhwas (yes, I am a fellow degen! T . T) and workout! I am down for doing any of those activities together. I've never had anyone I could talk about dramas with, let alone watch them together. Same goes for anime lately. As for k-dramas, I am finishing Doctor Slump right now. As for anime, I am watching these titles this season: Kaijuu 8, Konosuba S3, Maou Gakuin S2, Mushoku Tensei S2P2 and Spice and Wolf! My latest obsession is definitely Frieren, though, such a masterpiece! If you haven't seen it, what are you waiting for? Go do it! I can even do it with you, don't mind watching it again ><
Music is another vital part of my life. It's simply so much more for me! There's not a single genre I don't like and I love to explore new ones along with new artists and albums. Feel free to spam me with songs as much as you'd like! I obviously have favorites so some stuff I listen the most would be: Rock & Metal, K-Pop, J-Pop/Rock, House, Nu Disco, Jazz Hip-Hop, R&B, Indie & Alternative. Some of my favorite singers/bands are: Dreamcatcher, Le Sserafim, G-Idle, Arctic Monkeys, Gorrilaz, Queen Bee, Babymetal, Vanilla, Palaye Royale, Madison Beer.
My schedule is rather simple. I work only morning shifts monday-friday and usually am back home around 3 pm (GMT+2). I am basically available as soon as I finish lunch. Sometimes I do work remotely so it's even better then! I go to the gym on tuesday, thursday and saturday so I might be available a bit later on those days! Moreover, there's going to be holiday in my country this week so I won't work starting thursday :3
Time for main topic, though! Video games. I've been playing video games for like 20 years now, started back when I was too little to even properly use gamepad haha. I would sit down with dictionary and translate stuff on screen as I didn't know any english back then. They are big part of my life and I do play them everyday, that's why I am posting it here since I won't part my ways with them! I enjoy all kind of playstyles. I play competetive modes in online games, but mostly because that feel of progression is just nice? Makes you feel like you have some kind of goal, but that doesn't mean I take it dead serious and winning is the only thing that matters. Fun, laughs and silly situations are all I live for! Winning is nice, but you can be the worst player in the world and I won't even be toxic or blame you. I love to turn lose into laughs and enjoy silly moments! At the same time, I feel like games can be such a nice background activity for discussion, I really enjoy that aspect especially in more laid-back games! My favorite franchises are Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Persona/SMT series, Kingdom Hearts and Metal Gear Solid!
Now, some important notes about games. My games' library is pretty big and there's dozens of games I enjoy playing. With that being said, I found my little peace in my schedule and what I play, so I'd love to meet someone who shares that as I wouldn't want to stray away too far from it.
My pemanent game I am always subbed to is Final Fantasy XIV. I am on Light, Phoenix. I am somewhat experienced player, but still have such a huge amount of content to take care of it's crazy! Currently finishing post-endwalker quests. I play the game everyday - sometimes more, sometimes less. I always login to take care of my crafting, gathering and marketboard in order to become a millionaire! Usually, I also do at least some roulettes, sometimes I do all of them. I enjoy all kind of content to be fair! Maps, collecting glamour, just hanging out or working on that gpose, extremes, PVP, savage raids - I actually want to learn some for glamour. I also just won house plot in limsa next to the sea! So it doesn't matter if you're experienced, returning, new or were thinking about starting the game, but was looking for a reason to do so - I can show you the ropes so let's have fun together!
My other main game I play a lot daily is Overwatch 2. I am fairly new player with less than 100 hours combined. I used to play it a bit when it was still OW1 and am enjoying it now. I play all roles, it really depends on what I feel like haha, but right now I am high silver on healer and low gold on DPS!
As I stated before, I'd like to focus on those two games, but at the same time I wouldn't want to deny great connection with someone awesome simply because they don't play those games. There are some other games I still enjoy playing quite a lot and would be down to play them, such as Dead by Daylight, Fortnite ZB, CS2 or Valorant. There are, however, games I'd always be down to play: Don't Starve Together, Baldur's Gate 3 (first playthrough), Sea of thieves (never played), Stardew Valley, Terraria and Minecraft!
Oh, I also enjoy gamba, so gacha games! I Play star rail, genshin and Brown Dust 2!
I also just want to mention that it's still about creating bonds so if you for instance don't play FFXIV but we click well, we can still hangout in voice chat and enjoy our own activities if we have some other stuff in common. I can do my stuff in ff and then we can play something else together and vice versa! Streaming stuff to each other included in the bundle if you like that!
Phew, that sure was a long one.. if you made it through - sorry and thank you! Please, only message me if you read everything and feel like you're the person I am looking for and my post is resonating with you! Keep in mind, it's okay if we try and don't click, not everyone does even if there are similarities and it's okay! I am an honest person so I will definitely inform you if it feels off. At the same time, I do not expect a lot of DMs to such a detailed post, but in case I am wrong, I might not reach out to everyone asap and am sorry in advance! As you can guess, I prefer quality 1 on 1 over quantity. If you're still interested, send me a DM, introduce yourself and share your reason for adding me! I won't reply to comments here or people recruiting me to groups.
Have an awesome day!

Sorry for the long wait! Life’s been busy lately. Part three, Maggie is now a famous singer. 🙄 for context: “Louise” in the play is Arthur’s first wife, cold Mary. Enjoy! I hope I posted this under the right flair— I can’t help but think how betrayed someone as private as Marilyn would feel to see this. I’m glad she didn’t. For anyone new: I’ve been posting Marilyn parts of Arthur Millers 1964 controversial play After the Fall. Miller denied Maggie was Marilyn but you can judge for yourself
. . .
MAGGIE, suddenly sitting up on her bed, addressing an empty space at the foot: But could I read them?
QUENTIN, spinning about in quick surprise: Huh!
MAGGIE: I mean what kind of books? 'Cause, see—I never really graduated high school. Although I always liked poetry.
QUENTIN-breaks his stare at her and quickly comes down to the Listener: It's that I can't find myself in this vanity any more.
MAGGIE, enthralled, on bed: I can't hardly believe you came! Can you stay five minutes? I'm a singer now, see? In fact —With a laugh at herself-I'm in the top three. And for a long time I been wanting to tell you that... none of it would have happened to me if I hadn't met you that day.
QUENTIN: Why do you speak of love? All I can see now is the power she offered me. All right. Turns to her in conflict, and un-willingly. I'll try. He approaches her.
MAGGIE: I'm sorry if I sounded frightened on the phone but I didn't think you'd be in the office after midnight. Laughs at herself nervously. See, I only pretended to call you. Can you stay like five minutes?
QuENTIN, backing into the chair: Sure. Don't rush.
MAGGIE: That's what I mean, you know I'm rushing! Would you like a drink? Or a steak? They have two freezers here. My agent went to Jamaica so I'm just staying here this week till I go to London Friday. It's the Palladium, like a big vaudeville house, and it's kind of an honor but I'm a little scared to go.
QuENTIN: Why? I've heard you; you're mar-velous. Especially... He can't remember a title.
MAGGIE: No, I'm just flapping my wings yet. But did you read what that News fellow wrote? He keeps my records in the 'frigerator, case they melt!
QuENTIn-laughs with her, then recalls: "Little Girl Blue"! It's very moving, the way you do that.
MAGGIE: Really? 'Cause, see, it's not I say to myself, "I'm going to sound sexy," I just try to come through-like in love or ... Laughs. I really can't believe you're here!
QueNTIN: Why? I'm glad you called; I've often thought about you the last couple of years. All the great things happening to you gave me a secret satisfaction for some reason.
MAGGIE: Maybe 'cause you did it.
QuENTIN: Why do you say that?
MAGGIE: I don't know, just the way you looked at me. I didn't even have the nerve to go see an agent before that day.
QuENTIN: How did I look at you?
MAGGie, squinching up her shoulders, a mystery: Like ... out of your self. Most people, they ... just look at you. I can't explain it. And the way you talked to me...
Louise, who has been sitting right, playing solitaire: You think reading your brief is talking to me?
MAGGIE: What did you mean—it gave you a secret satisfaction?
QUENTIN: Just that—like in the office, I'd hear people laughing that Maggie had the world at her feet—
MAGGIe, hurt, mystified: They laughed!
QUENTIN: In a way.
MAGGIE, in pain: That's what I mean; I'm a joke to most people.
QUENTIN: No, it's that you say what you mean, Maggie. You don't seem to be upholding anything, you're not-ashamed of what you are.
MAGGIE: W-what do you mean, of what I am?
Louise looks up. She is playing solitaire.
QUENTIN, suddenly aware he has touched a nerve: Well... that you love life, and... It's hard to define, I...
Louise: The word is "tart." But what did it matter as long as she praised you?
QUENTIN, to Listener, standing, and moving within Maggie's area: There's truth in it— I hadn't had a woman's praise, even a girl I'd laughed at with the others—
MAGGIE: But you didn't, did you?
He turns to her in agony.
Laugh at me?
QuENTIN: No. He suddenly stands and cries out to Listener. Fraud! From the first five minutes!.. Because! I should have agreed she was a joke, a beautiful piece, trying to take herself seriously! Why did I lie to her, play this cheap benefactor, this— Listens, and now unwillingly he turns back to her.
MAGGIE: Like when you told me to fix where my dress was torn? You wanted me to be-proud of myself. Didn't you?
QUENTIN, surprised: I guess I did, yes. To Listener: By God I did!
MAGGIE, feeling she has budged him: Would you like a drink?
QuentIN, relaxing: I wouldn't mind. Glancing around: What's all the flowers?
MAGGIE, pouring: Oh, that's that dopey prince or a king or whatever he is. He keeps sending me a contract-whereas I get a hundred thousand dollars if we ever divorce. I'd be like a queen or something, but I only met him in El Morocco once!
She laughs, handing him his drink. I'm supposed to be his girl friend too! I don't know why they print those things.
QUENTIN: Well, I guess everybody wants to touch you now.
MAGGIE: Cheers! They drink; she makes a face. I hate the taste but I love the effect! Would you like to take off your shoes? I mean just to rest.
QuENTIN: I'm okay. I thought you sounded on the phone like something frightened you.
MAGGIE: Do you have to go home right away?
QUENTIN: Are you all alone here?
MAGGIE: It's okay. Oh hey! I cut your picture out of the paper last month. When you were defending that Reverend Harley Barnes in Washington? Taking a small framed photo from under her pillow: See? I framed it!
QUENTIN: Is something frightening you, Maggie?
MAGGIE: No, it's just you're here! It's odd how I found this—I went up to see my father
QUENTIN: He must be very proud of you now.
MAGGIE, laughing: Oh, no-he left when I was eighteen months, see—'cause he said I wasn't from him, although my mother always said I was. And they keep interviewing me now and I never know what to answer, when they ask where you were born, and all. So I thought if he would just see me, and you know, just—look at me... I can't explain it.
QuenTIn: Maybe so you'll know who you are.
MAGGIE: Yes! But he wouldn't even talk to me on the phone-just said, "See my lawyer," and hung up. But on the train back there was your picture, right on the seat looking up at me. And I said, "I know who I am! I'm Quentin's friend!" But don't worry about it—I mean you could just be somebody's friend, couldn't you?
QUENTIN, after a slight pause: Yes, Maggie, I can be somebody's friend. It's just that you're so beautiful-and I don't only mean your body and your face.
MAGGIE: You wouldn't even have to see me again. I would do anything for you, Quen-tin—you're like a god!
QuenTIn: But anybody would have told you to mend your dress.
MAGGIE: No, they'd have laughed or tried for a quick one. You know.
QUENTIN, to Listener: Yes! It's all so clear —the honor! The first honor was that I hadn't tried to go to bed with her! She took it for a tribute to her "value," and I was only afraid! God, the hypocrisy! ... But why do you speak of love?
MAGGIE: Oh hey! You know what I did because of you? He turns back to her. I was christening a submarine in the Groton shipyard; 'cause I was voted the favorite of all the workers! And I made them bring about ten workers up on the platform, whereas they're the ones built it, right? And you know what the admiral said? I better watch out or I'll be a Communist. And suddenly I thought of you and I said, "I don't know what's so terrible; they're for the poor people." Isn't that what you believe?
QuENTIN: I did, but it's a lot more complicated, honey.
MAGGIE: Oh! I wish I knew something.
QuENTIN: You know how to see it all with your own eyes, Maggie, that's more important than all the books.
MAGGIE: But you know if it's true. What you see. QUENTIN, puzzled: You frightened now?... You are, aren't you? Maggie stares at him in tension; a long moment passes. What is it, dear? You afraid to be alone here? Pause. Why don't you call somebody to stay with you?
MAGGIE: I don't know anybody ... like that.
QUENTIN, after a slight pause: Can I do any-thing? ... Don't be afraid to ask me.
MAGGie, in a struggle, finally: Would you... open that closet door?
QUENTIN-looks off, then back to her: Just open it?
MAGGIE: Yes.
He walks into the dark periphery; she sits up warily, watching. He opens a "door." He returns. And she lies back.
QUENTIN: Do you want to tell me some-thing? I'm not going to laugh. Sits. What is it?
MAGGIE, with great difficulty: When I start to go to sleep before. And suddenly I saw smoke coming out of that closet under the door. Kept coming and coming. It start to fill the whole room! She breaks off, near weeping. He reaches and takes her hand.
QUENTIN: Oh, kid-you've often dreamed such things, haven't you?
MAGGIE: But I was awake!
QUENTIN: Well it was a waking dream. It just couldn't stay down till you went to sleep. These things can be explained if you trace them back.
MAGGIE: I know. I go to an analyst.
QUENTIN: Then tell him about it, you'll figure it out.
MAGGIE: It's when I start to call you before. She is now absorbed in her own connections. See, my mother-she used to get dressed in the closet. She was very-like moral, you know? But sometimes she'd smoke in there. And she'd come out—you know? with a whole cloud of smoke around her.
QUENTIN: Well-possibly you felt she didn't want you to call me.
MAGGIE, astounded: How'd you know that? QUENTIN: You said she was so moral. And here you're calling a married man.
MAGGIE: Yes! She tried to kill me once with a pillow on my face 'cause I would turn out bad because of-like her sin. And I have her hair, and the same back. She turns half to him, showing a naked back. 'Cause I have a good back, see? Every masseur says.
QuENTIN: Yes, it is. It's beautiful. But it's no sin to call me.
MAGGIE, shaking her head like a child with a relieved laugh at herself: Doesn't make me bad. Right?
QuENTIN: You're a very moral girl, Maggie.
MAGGie, delicately and afraid: W-what's moral?
QUENTIN: You tell the truth, even against yourself. You're not pretending to be— turns out to the Listener, with a dread joy —innocent! Yes, that suddenly there was someone who-could not club you to death with their innocence! And now it's all laughable!
QUENTIN: I hope you sleep.
MAGGiE: I will now! Lies back. Honestly! I feel... all clear!
QueNTIN, with a wave of his hand: Good luck in London.
MAGGIE: And-what's moral, again?
QUENTIN: To live the truth.
MAGGIE: That's you!
QUENTIN: Not yet, dear; but I intend to try. Don't be afraid to call me if you need any help. She is suddenly gone. Alone, he continues the thought. Any time-Dan appears in crew-necked sweater with his book—you need anything, you call, y'hear?

Hii, so I made a few posts on this but I'm saying this here because I know somebody could maybe relate.
Basically in March 31st, I think I caught a piece of candy at the back side of my mouth which caused me to start having a gagging fit.
And ever since then I been to scared to eat. In case it would happen again.
And on April 18-19 I was biting my nails. ( bad habit ) and suddenly when I swallowed I felt something in my throat. Like something was stuck there. So I was thinking "it's gonna happen again. It's gonna happen again."
And the next day I still felt something there. I felt like something was at the back of my mouth. And I also felt something in my throat. And I was getting hot / warm flashes on my back. And my heart was pounding. And I though I was gonna have another gagging fit again. Or even worse throw up. But I did gag because of it. And I still feel something there. In my throat AND the back of my mouth.
But everytime I took pictures at the back of my throat. I saw nothing. And even my mum checked the back of my mouth and she saw nothing.
but I can't check down my throat because I would gag. but nothing is in my mouth or at the back of my mouth.
And everything I swallowed I felt something in my throat. And no matter how much I drank or ate it was still there. And it felt like it was moving. Or switching places. Like for a second it could be at the right side of my throat. And the next it would be at the left side of my throat.
But every time I didn't pay any attention to it. I wouldn't feel it when I swallowed. But when I pay attention to my swallowing and to my throat. I would feel it again. ( BUT I don't know if that will still happen because I been paying so much attention to it. )
I'm wondering if this is goblus sensation?? Because it's scary and confusing because I don't know what caused it. It just came out of nowhere. And I'm to scared to eat. In case it would happen again. I've had no troubles with my breathing. Or drinking
But my mum has told me that IF it was food it would of went straight down due to me drinking. and she said that i would know if ii did have food stuck in my throat. but I can't help but be worried in case if it is food, or if something is stuck.
But I'm just scared to eat. and I think I've been having heart palpations because of it. and I think it's probably due to stress or something because I can't stop thinking about it.
I can breathe fine. and my throat isn't in any pain whatsoever. I can drink fine. ( having a bit of a hard time with swallowing foods because I'm scared it will happen again. ) but yeah.
I will admit that I have been googling a lot about it. ( which I know googling is a MASSIVE NO. but I couldn't help it. )

I know this might sound silly to most but for me this is probably one of the most stressful things l've ever experienced. This is my first boyfriend so bear with me. I started dating my boyfriend 5 months ago and at first it was really good. We had the whole puppy love, smitten as a kitten ordeal going on, but now 1 feel like things are going downhill.
The longer l've known him the more I see cracks. My boyfriend is very nonchalant lot and I've told him that it makes me nervous when he is so stone cold but he doesn't really make an effort to change. It's just little things like that that make me mad, like for example, I have really bad body dysmorphia and when I talk to him about it he's like "but you're hot and have a fat ass so why does it matter?" Like yeah? I guess? But that's not really what I'm looking for. And again, I tell him how this hurts my feelings and he promised to change but never does. I have a lot of baggage and try to not be too heavy cause he told me he gets uncomfortable when I talk about my feelings too much cause he doesn't know what to say but l've told him the general things that I want to hear from him so I feel like it's not a big ask? Maybe I'm being greedy but I just want him to be attentive to my feelings and comfort me.
And I don't wanna get too graphic but the sex deal isn't great. Like I try to give him the benefit of the doubt cause we're both new but I tell him what I like and don't like but he doesn't really take it to heart. I swear y'all i've given up, I could get an emmy for my acting. He's so rough with me and goes on so long that it's taking a serious toll on my body like I'm getting uti's constantly despite peeing after sex and stuff. Also my vag gets super swollen and painful but I don't know maybe it's cause I'm new to the whole sex thing. It's just getting kind of tiresome to put. with this despite saying how it's not a super good experience for me. Oh and I've told him about after care but ever time after sex he says he's too tired which I get I guess. But I have really bad sexual anxiety which he said he doesn't know how to handle so after I just sit in the bathtub and cry lol. I feel silly being upset about this cause it could be a lot worse, sorry if this sounds stupid.
He doesn't really care of my interests it feels like, but maybe that's his nonchalantness? Like I always make an effort to ask and get engaged with what he likes but majority of the time he forgets what I'm into or doesn't pay attention when I talk cause he "has a short attention span." He forgets things a lot actually but he always tells me that I knew this about him going into the relationship which he's right about so l can't really be too mad.
Despite all this, he's very kind to me and attentive when I really ask him. He doesn't ask me to hang out but when we do it's always lovely. I love spending time with him because he always tells me how much he loves me and he is a very funny person. He's sweet to me and that's very rare in my life so he's a treasure to have around. Like guys I swear when it's good it's really good.
Anyway, lately l've been having a hard time because I'm going off to college across the country and he wants to do long distance but l'm skeptical. We have so many things we need to work through and he always tells me I need to be patient with him but that's gonna be hard if I'm so far away. Also, my love language is physical touch and that's kind of hard to achieve 1500 miles away lol. I don't know i've been reflecting and he's definitely lovely and the sweetest man l've ever encountered in my life but I'm starting to question if it's worth it? I hear so many relationship horror stories I'm nervous about lea someone that loves me and treats me kindly in the long run.
My friends think I should break up with him because they've said they see a decline in my mental health but it's so hard. I'm here cause I'm so inexperienced and need help. I just turned 18 a few months ago so it's scary picturing the future and I'm so worried that l'll be throwing away something good. Am I throwing away someone who could be the one who got away?
Sorry if this is badly written, l'm on my phone and it's pretty late.