So recently I sorta came out as trans to five friend's of mine through one looking through my Pinterest together. And they started to make a few jokes that a was fine with, but it then started to to farther then that. (Friends: Ava, Sarah, James, Rachel, and Laura. fake names) We're all the people that knew which was fine I thought because they were all part of the LGBTQ+ community. But the jokes are getting out of hand now.
I recently left on a trip gone and therefore missed a day, apparently they made a bunch jokes about me getting transition surgery. It's been things like that have upsetting me but I'm scared to say everything. The one named Sarah was trying about to say something about my hair and I just lost and ask why she's such an asshole. Which was wrong but I was so done. The all push me around (literally and figuratively). "Sarah" being the worst with stealing things then saying that "seeing people mad is funny". "Laura" talking about way to much to a weird amount, claimed that she was a ch@$er for me and being oddly flirty aswell (I don't know if the ch@$er comment was joke or not).
Amma (also fake name) has been my only friend through it, but I haven't told her I'm pretty sure I am trans. Also have class with Laura, Sarah and Rachel. I also have to sit by Sarah. And at the end of day I tried to talk to Ava (we've been friends for three years {summer school specifically}) and she said nothing.
I honestly need help here, I love them but I can't deal with this, I have also considered leaving the group at the beginning of high school.[we also said nothing about me calling her that at lunch]

On another Korean subreddit:

• Parent Accusing Me of Sexual Misconduct
• School is asking me to hide from the parents and come to work in private

If you have your blackbelt in Hagwon Ju Jitsu, the first thing (and this is what I DM'd the user) is to be highly suspicious of the take-down move going for the legs of "A parent / student said" maneuver. In search bar: Hagwon: Phantom Complaints. How to Fight Back
My clairvoyant comment 4 years ago:

If they need to get you out in a hurry, expect the scare tactic, "You molested a kid! Quick! Run to the airport and leave us all your money before we call the police!" -Hmmm, funny the PARENTS didn't call the police instead of the money-grubbing Hagwon owner.

The first 🚩 red flag 🚩 is, most places on earth would not have the staff contact you about a serious misdeed. The first time you heard about it would be a knock on your door from the police, and be told not to return to work until the situation has been resolved. This is because you are a flight risk and informing you of a crime would be the stupidest thing they could do. A Hagwonite mulling over whether to have the police involved is a clear sign it's made up. If an accusation is serious enough to be made by anyone, then there would be an official complaint made to the authorities and they would take it from there, and they would act quickly and no one would tip you off the wheels are in motion.

Also, I was told to move out of my apartment to make way for a new teacher, I am constantly being micromanaged, surveilled, and pulled into arguments, and now I'm receiving messages that a parent is accusing me of sexual misconduct.

🚩 Red flag #2 is that the relationship has been increasingly threatening, abusive, hostile etc. The foreigner hasn't taken the hint that they are not wanted and should pack up and head out, Midnight Run it. The Achilles heel of Hagwonites is to push the shame on to the target. They QUIT, couldn't handle it, were failures, left us high & dry without notice, broke the contract! They don't want to fire people except as a last resort due to labor laws and looking like they abused a person that didn't do anything wrong. Search bar: Resign, or I will harass you until you do!

First, it was all the arguments, one of which included the director screaming at me and almost crying on the phone at 8 pm while driving because I taught the students to spell "Cabbage" instead of "Lettuce".

--Never underestimate the depths a Hagwonite will stoop, to make a mountain out of a molehill. They are not very smart to begin with, so they find the smallest traffic violation and turn it into a 1st degree felony. That's happened to me, and I simply responded, "Yeah, so what?" I didn't allow them to drag me in to apologizing, groveling, get into the weeds about literally nothing, or any of that, the argument for the next 10 minutes was whether it was important or not, and if the subject was befitting someone in a management position who should be able to discern things that need attention and things that can be ignored. The intent is to harass and they won't leave until they have exhausted all of their energy and are happy with the victim's response to it. I concluded by saying it was not important and I'm not changing anything. They can teach the class themselves if they think they can go the entire day without making a single error.
🚩 Red flag #3, ridiculous reasons and excuses, -no evidence.

I eventually received a call from the director telling that one of the parents believes that her daughter saw my private area in the bathroom (I am a male teacher and this accusation or anything close to it never occurred)

1. Oh yeah? Which parent? What's the student's name, which classroom of mine is she in, what time did this occur, and why would she be in the men's bathroom? Let me see the CCTV footage?
   
2. It's so weak, it's obviously made up. The foreigner would certainly have seen a student of the opposite gender in his bathroom and told them to leave and would not have unzipped anything if that happened.
   
3. What is a student doing entering or peeping into the men's rest room in the first place? That sounds like student misconduct to me. Why isn't the parent being told to correct their child's behavior and none of this would be an issue?
   
4. It's not illegal to pull your junk out in the rest room and try to relieve yourself, that's what it's for, it's not the hallway or classroom.
   

In the follow-up: School is asking me to hide from the parents and come to work in private
is by-the-numbers attempt to continue to harass, but the director doesn't know what to do after a lawyer was called. So first it was a "major" problem of exposing himself to a student, then when a lawyer contact the school, that was an even bigger error by the employee. Wow, no one can ever do anything right in that place.

Fast forward, the attorney contacted the school, the school says no police were coming to talk to me, but instead, the school talked to the police already on my behalf and I will not be talking to police, so I shouldn't worry.

--NONE OF THIS HAPPENED! Ask the attorney to call the precinct and ask for a copy of the POLICE REPORT. They have to fill out any interaction with the public so it's not all from memory, even if no action is taken. The next officer that fields a call about it, can pull up the report and get a summary of events, dates, names etc.

AND IT JUST GETS STUPIDER

Now, my school is asking me to no longer come to work at 9 am and greet the parents, but instead, come to work 30 minutes earlier, hide from the parents, not teach kindergarten anymore, and sit behind a computer on a different floor, alone, doing random administrative tasks.

--A blackbelt would NEVER come in to work 30 minutes earlier without pay. They would absolutely make their presence known to the parents and children so that the lies they were told, would visually be false. They are trying to hide the employee until they quit or get fired, or may have already told everyone a lie that they ran off w/o notice, because that's what they were expecting from the false sexual exposure claim.
Why cooperate? Come down from 2nd floor, walk around, enter the classroom, say hi to everyone when they show and leave.
Why would the other 4 foreigners cooperate? This is a serious accusation, they should all refuse work until the director is made to apologize and reinstate the teacher.
They are apparently bleeding student numbers, are in way over their heads, barely a year old, are over-staffed now, and need to shed labor costs. A foreigner strike would be the nail in the coffin. They would have to reverse themselves, or face foreclosure in about a week after parents yank their kids not having a NET teaching them.
A golden opportunity to bring them to their knees will undoubtedly be totally wasted. It's like the entire defense fell down, and the person with the ball is not sure whether they should go for a lay-up or not.....ridiculous.

(24F) From winning academic competitions in high school, to ranking 11th in a class of 1000 without trying (felt like a sham), to scoring a 1510 on my SAT with a vague idea of what would be on it prior to sitting, to graduating magna cum laude with a B.S. in mathematics, minors in French and economics, and research and leadership roles under my belt (while balancing a bad 🍃 habit), etc., I can confidently say that academic success came with ease. I’ve been working to save up for grad school. Thus far, I’m doing well in my job. I’m taking on new projects, all of which lie outside of my immediate job description. I’m taking over the roles of my superiors when they’re out. Good stuff.
But OH MY GOD. Off paper, I’m a mess. Typing this out, I see 7 fast food bags from the past couple of months sitting in my immediate vicinity. Grocery bags litter the floor. There’s a month + old tortilla chip bag right in front of me. I’m not sure when I last showered. I have months of unopened mail piling up on my table. Dirty dishes get reused throughout the week. I don’t eat nearly enough. The only things I’m good about doing habitually are brushing my teeth, flossing, and doing laundry. I have been struggling to study for exam FM (sitting in august) because I don’t find it interesting. I am supposed to be studying in the small amount of free time I have before and after work (or cleaning, quite frankly), but I’ve been writing a blog about the American tendency toward political extremism in recent years.
I was diagnosed at 21, and recently resumed medication (took me 1.5 years to see a doctor). With medication, studying has become easier, and I can SEE all of my immediate issues with cleanliness. But I can’t force myself to DO anything about it. I was told I’d be a lawyer, engineer, doctor, etc., but I’m living like a guy who spends all of his time on 4chan and pisses in Mountain Dew bottles.
Please tell me I’m not alone.

At the town meeting tonight Middleton voted 160-101 against building our required affordable housing development. The debate I think showed a lot about this argument even though it was a bitch fight. Middleton isnt serviced by transit for MBTA but they essentially rejected funding for all future works including a new roof for our school. Middleton just dropped a bomb on the other towns we share a high school with. Ps. If you watch the meeting Im the kid in the flannel who told everyone they hate poor people.

Mother’s Day was terrible. I don’t know why I’m updating this. Maybe it’s for the few people can sympathize.
A lot of the prior comments made untrue, horrible accusations about my wife.
My wife was never abusive or even mean, not in any state. It makes it so much harder to understand why our daughter would be so cold to her own mother.
My wife’s mental state before the accident had regressed into childlike behavior, which is concerning but not the cause of my daughter’s coldness. My wife would spit food out back into her plate, bluntly say it tasted bad and the wipe her nose with her sleeve like a child. I made the error of thinking she was having a midlife crisis because she bought an expensive dress because it was soft. She would forget to do things, her responsibilities.
Mother and daughter clashed because she would tell stories with no beginning and end, just rambling. She would ask the same questions over and over. She would promise to pick her up or bring something and forget. Things that would annoy a teenage girl.
The tumor were concentrated in the back of the head. When she got into the car accident, it made everything worse. She needed to relearn everything. She is still disabled.
We had high expectations for our daughter but she set them higher for herself. She had a dream school, where she wanted to go since she was 12. It meant that I had to chauffeur to so many activities throughout high school and sacrifice a lot to make sure she got the opportunities she wanted.
It meant leaving my disabled wife in a longer term care facility to hopefully recover. It was Covid so there were long stretches where we didn’t visit her.
When she came home, my wife was still largely nonverbal and wheelchair bound. She needed help with everything from eating to going to the bathroom. I earned a little as a caregiver on top of my regular job.
My daughter was so cruel and cold to her mother at that time. She would hate if her mother came outside with her and would later blame it on the wheelchair, saying it was bulky and attracted attention. She would ignore her mother and moved away to distance herself physically. I ended up getting a call from the school because a classmate had overheard what she said about her mother and reported it as ableism. I don’t know what she said. All I know is that she was very cruel to her mother.
I had her in individual therapy and we did therapy as father and daughter. It was her choice to stop.
My daughter ended up getting into her dream college. They had an accepted students weekend and she demanded that her mother stay home even though parents were invited. By that time my wife had made leaps and bounds in progress and was disappointed to stay home. I went and tried to be a proud father. At least she let her mother go to graduation.
My daughter came home a few days ago. Her exams were earlier. She informed us that she earned a research position with a professor for the summer. My wife was overjoyed, writing a card all on her own about how proud she was and she wished she saw her daughter grow into accomplished young woman. How proud she was to share this moment. My daughter looked sick with guilt. I know what that looks like.
On Mother’s Day, I made a comment that she couldn’t ignore her mother today. She told me to stop saying that. I made another comment about how proud her mother was of her and how much she loved her. I was doing it on purpose. It ended up with her saying she regretted what she did. I always had my suspicions. I interrogated her until she tearfully admitted she hated what her mother had turned into and she hit her mother once and she was ashamed to be around her because of what people thought. We got into a shouting match and she yelled at me that I was so focused on everyone else’s behavior because I regretted my own.
It’s true in a lot of ways. Because of Covid, there were limited visiting hours. But I still didn’t visit as much as I should have. I left my wife in a facility to focus on our daughter but also so that it would be easier for me. There are no siblings, no grandparents to help. I didn’t visit as much because I hated how much my wife would sob when I had to leave.
I started feeling guiltier when I read a news article about a nurse being sentenced for assaulting a woman in a coma. I thought about my wife. She was nonverbal, had limited short term memory, and wheelchair bound. I wouldn’t know what would happen. I tried to convince myself that it was fine but all I did was find more and more news articles about abuse at care facilities. I would have nightmares.
I pulled my wife out. I took months of work. I finally got her home. She was taken care of but not like I would have. There were a few knots in her hair, bruising, sores.
I won’t lie, the care was brutal. Now I had to juggle taking care of my wife and making sure my daughter was supported and able to reach her dreams. And it was hard seeing my wife like that. She was accomplished and intelligent and now couldn’t do a puzzle or eat on her own or go to the bathroom by herself. There was a huge learning curve and they assigned a nurse to come see my wife every few days.
My wife is so sweet. I attend a caregivers support group and I feel guilty because my wife doesn’t have the fits of temper or the rage or the depression that others did. I felt guilty for being tired. Some had it a lot harder than I did.
She got better and over time it was like she was almost back to her old self. And she never lost love for either of us. it hurts that she blames herself for how our daughter treated her. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my daughter focus on prestige and appearance so much, maybe I should’ve realized the signs early on and exposed her to others.
My daughter and aren’t speaking. My wife just wanted a happy family. I’m looking for therapy for us as a family.

I am a recent high school graduate who is looking into naval aviation post university. Here are my current stats-

• Graduated HS top 8% of class with a 3.85 GPA (UW)
• Graduate from community college with AA Summa Cum Laude
• Healthy and relatively athletic, so health should not be an issue
• Headed to Uni in Fall

Questions: -What is the best possible bachelors degree I can get to increase my likelihood of success and aptitude? -What would the best step to take post college be? (No ROTC option) - What can I be doing now to prepare myself in general, outside of physical activity and school-studies?
Thanks ahead of time!

I was looking at the comments and the Girls Never Die music video on youtube and was really interested reading the english translations from all of the Korean comments. Many were recounting how the song gave them strength amidst depression.
Others were contrasting how New Jeans portrays adolescence in Ditto vs tripleS in Girls Never Cry. I feel like they see Ditto capturing a nostalgic and playful view of youth, full of carefree moments with friends. Whereas, "Girls Never Die" dives into the more complex and often harsh realities of growing up, portraying themes of struggle, resilience, and the determination to keep going despite hardships.
Not trying to start a fanwar but just an interesting topic. It is interesting because even though most of the Ditto music video involved friends dancing with each other, the ending is definitely darker.
Overall, I'm glad tripleS is being appreciated for their artistry and it's incredible that the lyrics are resonating so strongly with Koreans.
Some of the comments:

• "누군가의 10대는 화려했겠지만, 또 누군가는 암울한 과거였을 것이다. 트리플에스는 저마다 가지고 있는 어두운 시절을 이 노래로 위로해준다."
  • "Someone's teenage years might have been glamorous, but for others, it was a dark past. TripleS comforts each person's dark times with this song."
• "뉴진스는 화목한 가정에서 자란 10대 느낌이라면 트리플에스는 가정환경 불행한 10대아이들이 서로 의지하면서 살아가는느낌,,, 둘다 좋음ㅠㅠㅠㅠ"
  • "NewJeans gives the feeling of teenagers growing up in a harmonious family, while TripleS feels like teenagers with unhappy family environments who rely on each other to live... Both are goodㅠㅠㅠㅠ"
• "그래 모두의 학창시절이 디토는 아니잖아 다시해보자"
  • "That's right, not everyone's school days are like 'Ditto'. Let's try again." (Lyric from the song)
• "우울증 진단은 6년 전 약 먹기 시작한건 4년 전인 06인데 온갖거 다했어요 살고싶지 않다가 아니라 자살이 너무 하고싶었는데 사람들 다 힘든데 제 시신 치울 사람들 생각하니까 갑자기 죽을 정도의 사고가 나기를 계속 바랬어요. '다시 해볼까' 라는 말에 공감은 되지 않지만 뮤비랑 음원을 계속 보고 듣게 돼요. 아직 살 힘이 남았나봐요 감사합니다 불완전한 청춘을 눈으로 볼 수 있게 해주셔서."
  • "I was diagnosed with depression 6 years ago and started medication 4 years ago in '06. I've tried everything. It wasn't that I didn't want to live, but I really wanted to commit suicide. But thinking about people who would have to deal with my body made me constantly hope for an accident that would kill me. The words 'Shall we try again' don’t resonate with me, but I keep watching the music video and listening to the song. I guess I still have some strength left to live. Thank you for showing the imperfect youth."
• "아무리 나이를 먹어도 상처받았던 10대 소녀가 그대로 어딘가에 잠들어 있는 사람도 많겠죠? 제가 그런 사람이예요 오래전 좌절했던 소녀였던 저는 다 극복해내지 못한채 겉만 어른이 된지가 소녀였던 시절보다 더 길어졌네요 그시절의 저를 위로해줘서 고마워요"
  • "No matter how old we get, there are many people who still have the hurt teenage girl inside them somewhere, right? I am one of those people. I was a girl who was frustrated a long time ago, and I haven't overcome it all, so I've been an adult on the outside longer than I was a girl. Thank you for comforting that girl from those days."
• "이제 곧 30대인데 왜 뮤비보면서 울고있냐 얼마전 우울증 판정받고 많은 위로를 받았어요 감사합니다"
  • "I'm almost in my 30s, so why am I crying while watching this music video? I was recently diagnosed with depression and received a lot of comfort. Thank you."
• "아..진짜 댓글이 뮤비를 완성하네 눈물 나온다 '다시 해볼까' '끝까지 가볼래 포기는 안할래'... 맘먹은거 어케 알고 이시기에 딱 나왔는지.. 청춘 드라마 뉴진스 감성 보면 내가 아는 현실과는 너무 달라서 이질감?이 들었는데 이 노래, 뮤비는 왜이리 좋은건지.. 과거는 잊고 다시 해봐야지 진짜 꼭 쓰러져도 일어나..."
  • "The comments really complete the music video, bringing tears to my eyes. 'Shall we try again', 'I’ll go to the end, I won’t give up'... How did they know what I was feeling and release this at the right time... When I watch youth dramas or NewJeans's vibes, it feels so different from the reality I know, almost alien? But why do I love this song and music video so much... I must forget the past and try again, really, even if I fall down, get back up."
• "제네리이션때부터 느꼈던 뉴진스랑 반대의 10대 감성... 맞아 10대시절이 항상 밝고 힘차지만은 않아 오히려 가장 고민많고 별거아닌거에 상처받고 할 나이였지 누군가의 어린시절은 뉴진스였겠지만 나 포함 누군가는 트리플에스야 정말 땅에 쳐박히는듯이 괴롭고 몸부림치다가도 그래도 다시해보자 하고 버텼으니 지금 이 노래를 듣는거고... 끝까지 가볼래 포기는 안 할래 난."
  • "From Generation to now, the opposite of NewJeans's teenage emotions... That's right, teenage years aren't always bright and energetic. It's actually the time when you worry the most and get hurt over trivial things. Someone's childhood might have been like NewJeans, but for me and some others, it's TripleS. Really struggling and suffering as if being pushed to the ground, but still deciding to try again and enduring, so I'm listening to this song now... I'll go to the end, I won't give up."
• "타돌들이 팔려는 여자 아이돌의 10대 20대는 제작자의 시선으로 물들어져 있음. 싱그러움, 10대의 장난기, 귀여움, 청순함 때로는 로리타. 근데 트리플에스는 데뷔때부터 늘 10대, 20대의 여성의 시선에서 그렇게 마냥 싱그럽고 귀엽지만은 않은 위태로움, 불안함과 그럼에도 불구하고 어떻게든 살아보려는 그 청춘의 현실감을 보여줌. 그렇게 주소비층의 공감을 이끌어내면서도 노래 퀄이랑 뮤비 퀄 컨셉 퀄 다 챙김. 얘넨 진짜 그냥 그런 다인원 그룹이 아님. 프로듀싱이 미쳤고 진짜 잘됐으면 좋겠다."
  • "The teenage and twenties female idols that other groups try to sell are tinted with the producer's perspective: freshness, teenage mischief, cuteness, purity, sometimes Lolita. But TripleS, from their debut, has always shown the precariousness, anxiety, and yet the reality of youth trying to live somehow from the perspective of teenage and twenties women. They draw empathy from their main audience while maintaining high quality in their music, music videos, and concepts. They're really not just another large group. The producing is crazy good, and I really hope they succeed."

I am a 21-year-old male in college. I am set to graduate soon. As the title says, I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I have rapid and constant mood swings from decent feelings to the lowest-of-lows, almost to the point where I just want everything to be over. I have little to no recollection of a time in my life where I was genuinely happy. Maybe when I was a small child. But I'm almost certain that most children are happy go lucky simply due to the fact that they are so young and unaware of life, with so much to learn.
I had a good childhood. I have two college educated parents that held steady jobs all throughout my time living under their roof. We never had to worry about money or necessities. We went on vacations every year. I went to a good public school and had one good friend that I was very close with. Our priorities changed however, and we slowly began to go our separate ways before high school. Other than that close friend- I had no one. Mostly due to the fact that I had no social skills.
My largest fault and what ultimately led to this downfall is what I believe to be my extreme lack of social awareness and social skillsets. I had been an overweight kid my entire life. I did not care what I put into my body. I had to quit sports because I got so big (I physically could not compete). I was so unconfident talking to any and everyone - especially girls. I got to the point where I was so unmotivated to create meaningful relationships that I just stopped trying altogether. On top of this, as a teenage boy typically does, I began masturbating. My lack of discipline led me to begin masturbating at least 5 times a day. I remember a time where I took a 1-day break from masturbating, and it was all I could think about. I masturbated every single day, 365 days a year for probably 10 years. This addiction led to even more self consciousness and destroyed any last chance I had at being normal.
My weight and addiction had me trapped in a vice of self consciousness and constant spiral of downfalls. And I could not escape it.
The weight lasted up until the end of high school when I developed an eating disorder. I lost about 100 pounds in a year. I managed to keep this from my parents and everyone I know. No one knows about it except me to this day. They are still under the impression that I managed it by eating well and exercising. These are things that I was doing while they were present, but they were unaware of the things I was doing behind closed doors.
Fast forward to present day, I most definitely still have a slew of undiagnosed mental disorders. I am still extremely self conscious. When you lose a ton of weight, you have fat in places that will never go away. Mine is in my chest and belly. I come from an extremely traditional and conservative family, yet I question my sexuality every day. I have never been intimate with anyone yet, so it is very difficult to tell.
However, I am slowly getting better and improving. I've always had goals and aspirations but constantly struggled to maintain the proper discipline to actually work towards them. But, as of recently, I have been gaining some traction. I've been in the gym for about a year and am seeing good progress. I still struggle with consistency when it comes to clean eating and exercise. I spend days just wishing that things will get better for me rather than taking action and working towards a better way of life. My eating disorder isn't as apparent as it was, but I still struggle with it. My mood swings are horrible. I have 2-3 day 'streaks' where I eat clean, exercise, and avoid any bad habits previously mentioned here. I then quickly burnout, losing the discipline and motivation. The lows are LOW. I would never intentionally harm myself, but I sure do think about it when I find myself in this place.
It's far from a happy ending. I have a lot of work to do when it comes to my mental state, discipline, school... etc. I will prevail in the end because I know what I'm capable of. Recently I've been reminding myself of how lucky I am to wake up each and every day. Not everyone gets to experience that.
TLDR.. This was a small rant discussing my life and how I have been struggling with long time depression, my eating disorder, and mood swings. I am 21 years old, have no friends, and have never even touched a girl.

i’ll tell you guys mine. i went to high school with this girl, and she got pregnant after we graduated, after she had the baby i went and looked at her instagram and she made a post about her placenta. in the post she wrote this whole long caption about how important placenta’s are and yada yada. i thought okay… why would someone post this? scrolls to the next image thats of the organ laying in a dirt ditch HUH?? so after reading the caption, she decided to freeze the organ in her kitchen freezer for like idk how long but it was months i think. and then she decided to basically hold a memorial/funeral for it to “return it to the earth”
i mean i’d rather see that than her eating it like i know some people do.
so id like to ask you all, whats the weirdest thing you’ve seen or heard of a mother doing?

Hi all - realllyyyyy struggling on a work trip at the moment. My anxiety makes me clam up and not want to contribute to conversations. I literally don’t know what to say most of the time and I feel like I’m just the quiet one sitting in the corner looking like an idiot.
If someone asks me a basic question I get too nervous to answer. This seems to happen with people I’m unfamiliar with and just getting to know. I was literally just asked if I’ve been to Florida before (yes) when I was asked which part I blanked and stumbled on getting to the answer. If someone asked me my favorite band or movies - I wouldn’t know how to answer on the spot.
I literally feel dumb. Someone just guessed that I was between the ages of 19-25, assumingely because my social capabilities are so inept.
I’ve always had social anxiety to some degree but feel like the pandemic has almost completely ruined me - I work from home in isolation most of the time so sober interactions in quiet intimate settings are so foreign to me. I also HATE giving presentations. My voice gets extremely shakey, as do my hands, and I wouldn’t trust a word that came from my frantic voice. In high school and college I would rarely raise my hand to contribute to class discussion for fear of sounding like an idiot.
Basically I rarely feel confident. How the HELL will this get better for me at 30 years old? Is anti anxiety medicine a solution? I hate feeling like I have the social capacity of a high schooler.

My ex (20F), who we’ll call E, and I (20F) have been broken up since we were juniors in high school. A quick rundown for context—I’m lucky enough to have an accepting mother who clocked me at a young age so I’ve always been out, E came from a conservative family and was not ready to be out when we were still together. This fact alone never bothered me, but we did break up because she stood me up to go to Jr prom with a date that her parents arranged for her with her now-fiancé.
We’re still friends. At the end of last year I got an invitation to her wedding that’s going to happen this winter. Around the same time, she started sending me texts late at night saying things like, “do you remember my sixteenth birthday?” or other vague references to times we spent together when we were dating. I made a joke about it in a comment section on a tiktok that used the Chappel Roan song “Good Luck Babe!” and hundreds of responses have come flooding through telling me to help her out of her engagement. I thought this was strange so I told my other friends about it but most of them agreed that I should at least talk to her and find out if she even wants to marry him or if she’s having second thoughts.
Here’s where I might be the asshole. I laughed when my friends told me that, and I told them no way in hell was i getting involved in her shit show again. I haven’t forgotten how I waited up for her for hours after cooking us a meal and decorating my backyard for a private party with my mom’s help because she didn’t want to go to prom together in front of everyone. I know it was 3 years ago now, but I also know she still would never choose anything over her father’s pride, least of all her own comfort and happiness. I know if I tried to help her out of this semi arranged marriage, in the end she would still go back if it meant making her father happy.
I’ve started ignoring E when she sends those texts, only responding when she attempts real conversation. My friends think i’m being cruel because i’m not asking her if she’s okay, but i feel like it’s not my responsibility to try and fix her life. So AITAH?

Hi everyone! I am currently studying in my final year of high school and I would really appreciate your help in completing my survey for my final project. It investigates the relationship that watching movies has on productivity.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScEyMxSovIj_jstvv45bc8_b9JpDsSNVDyYIvb-NyFqMOCVIQ/viewform?usp=sf_link
All answers remain anonymous, and your honesty would be greatly valued 😊

Hello. I'm Zach, and I'd love to share a bit of my world with you in the hope of finding someone who resonates with me. I do want to firstly say I am looking for a long term relationship, someone I might want to settle down with. Physical attraction is part of the equation, so let’s be open from the start. If you’re comfortable, a photo would be great. Here are a few from me. Most Recent. 2. 3. If I still have your attention then I would love to tell you more about me.

• 5ft 11in, a burly 230lbs. Working on being active at the gym, I would love it if you could help keep me motivated.
• I work full-time as a rural mailman, climbing mountains of Amazon and swapping tires like its F1. Hours are long but I make a comfortable middle class living. 6 figures.
• I'm a huge PC gamer. As far back as I can remember I've had a SNES controller in my hands. I love looking for co-op games and would love to see your face light up every time I share one because you know that every co-op game is a confession that I want to spend more time with you.
• I love to read and write. I'm working on a book that will never see the light of day, because it's never good enough kinda vibes. I'm big into Sci-fi and Fantasy and always have my head stuck in a world that is not our own.
• I DM for D&D, have been for almost 10 years now. D&D is not just a game for me; it's a canvas for creativity and a forge for friendships. If you're also an enthusiast, we'll have endless tales to share.
• I change my bed sheets once a week.

I hope this snippet into who I am catches your eye, its only a small piece of me and I don't want this post to get too long. We didn't even talk about cooking!
Who are you? My only preferences are someone who is roughly 24-33 in age, a few years outside of that would be okay if we really connected. Someone who might be okay with distance but wants to eventually meet. Someone who is patient, kind and humble. Someone who always tries to see things in a perspective other than their own, but holds their own morals highly. Someone who doesn't mind me texting them at like 3am to go look at the stars cause then we'd both be doing it and looking at the same stars together even if were apart. Someone who lives life with enthusiasm and passion.
If you're passionate about something I really want to be a part of it in some way, If it's listening to you ramble for hours about that obscure album you just found or the new succulent you just bought or this wild spice blend you've been trying out. Whatever makes you smile, I want to understand it.
Hopefully I've created a spark and we can find warmth. I look forward to hearing from you.

Im 19, sophomore at a small university and interested in buying a car. I currently have a 09 car that can be used as a trade in. I have 22k saved up, over the years of high school and am looking in a car that is a 2017 Chevolret Trax with 40,000 miles on it. I like this car because it of the gas mileage, and the reliable-ness of the vehicle. I was thinking I would put 4,000 down and pay monthly on the rest. Should I put more money down than 4 thousand with the savings? I need advice on how to move forward, I also have a steady job throughout summer and college so saving income is not very hard for me.

Hello. I'm Zach, and I'd love to share a bit of my world with you in the hope of finding someone who resonates with me. I do want to firstly say I am looking for a long term relationship, someone I might want to settle down with. Physical attraction is part of the equation, so let’s be open from the start. If you’re comfortable, a photo would be great. Here are a few from me. Most Recent. 2. 3. If I still have your attention then I would love to tell you more about me.

• 5ft 11in, a burly 230lbs. Working on being active at the gym, I would love it if you could help keep me motivated.
• I live in a small rural town in TX, considering I lean blue and the voting block here is 97% red, it makes it hard to form lasting connections. I'm open to relocating if we click.
• I work full-time as a rural mailman, climbing mountains of Amazon and swapping tires like its F1. Hours are long but I make a comfortable middle class living. 6 figures.
• I'm a huge PC gamer. As far back as I can remember I've had a SNES controller in my hands. I love looking for co-op games and would love to see your face light up every time I share one because you know that every co-op game is a confession that I want to spend more time with you.
• I love to read and write. I'm working on a book that will never see the light of day, because it's never good enough kinda vibes. I'm big into Sci-fi and Fantasy and always have my head stuck in a world that is not our own.
• I DM for D&D, have been for almost 10 years now. D&D is not just a game for me; it's a canvas for creativity and a forge for friendships. If you're also an enthusiast, we'll have endless tales to share.
• I change my bed sheets once a week.

I hope this snippet into who I am catches your eye, its only a small piece of me and I don't want this post to get too long. We didn't even talk about cooking!
Who are you? My only preferences are someone who is roughly 24-33 in age, a few years outside of that would be okay if we really connected. Someone who might be okay with distance but wants to eventually meet. Someone who is patient, kind and humble. Someone who always tries to see things in a perspective other than their own, but holds their own morals highly. Someone who doesn't mind me texting them at like 3am to go look at the stars cause then we'd both be doing it and looking at the same stars together even if were apart. Someone who lives life with enthusiasm and passion.
If you're passionate about something I really want to be a part of it in some way, If it's listening to you ramble for hours about that obscure album you just found or the new succulent you just bought or this wild spice blend you've been trying out. Whatever makes you smile, I want to understand it.
Hopefully I've created a spark and we can find warmth. I look forward to hearing from you.

AI music is oft regarded as being soulless as everything is highly automated. But if you asked me what my level of interest in song writing was prior to joining Udio, I would have said none. A mere week later, I’m drilling Chatgpt for boiler plate stanzas, tweaking them to be less generic with more evocative wording, consistent meter, better rhymes, and starting to delve into song plans- the arcs of story that add dynamics. That’s not click the button and get a song, that’s old school lyric craft. Not so mindless after all.
Is your experience similar?

I received an A from UBC and I'm on the high waitlist at Western. I will accept Western's offer if I receive it. Does accepting UBC's offer remove me from Western's waitlist? I know it does for Ontario schools but I was wondering if it's different for schools outside Ontario.
Thank you!

Not sure what I hope to gain from this but maybe there will be some clarity to gain from an objective opinion. That being said I will prob delete this later- but while I’m here I will try to be as detailed and neutral to the facts as I can be, but there is a lot of history in a 15 year relationship so get ready to read a small book. I M33, grew up in an abusive and poverty stricken home, naturally I escaped that situation as soon as I could (after high school in 2008) my parents would explode over the littlest thing- like the first time I recall thinking I could not rely on my dad was after witnessing him beat my sister to a pulp, and then threaten me about telling (I never did) over her bedroom being filthy. Now, between high school and meeting my now wife F34 I was in a committed long distance relationship. Not to dwell here as it has little to do with the story, that relationship ended Dec 1 2009, I made my way to a small college town and found a place to stay with a few friends I knew from high school. This could only be described as a party house that a few poor and brave folks lived. The rent was cheap and the people were good. Not to mention, it was easy to drowned my feeling with drugs and alcohol here and not be judged. This was right after the 2008 financial crisis and I had found employment delivering for a local restaurant, and was not interested in starting a new relationship. Well mid way through December one roommate decided he was moving out, which left a room open for rent. This is where I met who, at least at one point was the love of my life. Jen F34 was a recent college graduate, who comes from, what I would consider a well off family. Jen was part of some drama with her old roommates and decided she would move in. She had been accepted into a work training program that would send her to a new state 15 hours away, so she was also not interested in a serious relationship. Jen was seeing someone we will call Mark. Mark and Jen we in a non-serious sexual relationship. The moment I saw Jen something inside me said i want to be with her, but I was still fighting demons from my failed relationship. So I hung around her and was content just being a friend..well this goes on for about a month..before it happened. One drunk night and I am waking up, naked next to her..she was still seeing Mark at that point, and I had no idea what I had done. She broke it off with mark a few days later and I took his spot. As a non-serious sexual partner, well the months flew by then all of a sudden we both had caught feelings. We had finally agreed we would only see each other. Well one day I come home from work and she is cuddled up next to a guy we will call Adam. I was devastated. I confronted her and she played it off as nothing. Just passed out and woke up and he was next to her, I had my doubts but in the end believed her and forgot about it. As things got more and more serious the dread of her moving day was inching closer. We both were bothered by this. She wanted to stay, I said no. I eventually agreed I’d move to her after her training program. (She had to stay on a company campus for 3 months for training) during this time we were long distance- I worked my ass off to get ready for a cross country move and she was getting a place ready for us to live. During this time she went out with “friends” and said she would call me after. 2 am nothing, 3 nothing 4 I’m worried sick and finally fell asleep around 4:15am. My phone goes off at 5am. She calls me incoherent and making 0 sense. I thought again she may have cheated on me but again no evidence- said she got a bit to drunk and stayed out too late. I again believed her. I was able to forgive and get over it- I’m not the type to stress over anything that’s not life changing so moving day arrives. I get all my stuff in order jump on the greyhound and start my journey. Dying inside to finally see my women again, well 22 hours later I arrived. She was supposed to be there to pick me up but she was no where to be found. I text and called, she finally answered and was very short with me, and pulled up a short while later. As soon as I got in the car she was mad. Telling me I should not have come, it was a mistake etc. we get to the apartment and I’m feeling like a sucker for being there, we have some food and she apologized for her actions in the car and we moved forward. Well the next almost two years of our relationship was amazing- epic sex life, passionate about each other the whole 9. Some minor drunk arguments here and there but nothing crazy. I consider this the best time of my life. Around 3 years in our relationship we got pregnant. Over those 9 months we were closer than ever. Excited to bring a beautiful baby into to this world, scared beyond words but happy. Then one day she was in pain and pretty sure she was in labor. We get to the hospital and thus starts one of the most traumatizing experiences for her. Extended labor time, breach baby, intense pain and anxiety followed by a c-section, and a multi-night stay in the hospital. Then a long recovery process. Needless to say being young, broke, new parents is probably the hardest thing I have ever experienced and can admit that experience must have been even worse for her and while life as new parents took hold she grew into a nurturing mother while I regressed. I was over worked, underpaid, stressed out and took what was a minor drinking habit to an excessive drinking habit. This was the start of a long line of huge fights, financial problems, and ultimately leads us to know. chewing on the idea of divorce. But before I get to now, let’s do a quick life recap. My wife and I are living together with our newborn, isolated from friends and family, I’m quickly drinking more and more. I worked an over night labor job, and Jen was still working for the same company. But more of an 8 - 5 we only saw each other in passing most days. Our blessing was colic and cried constantly. We both began to feel like we needed to be close to friends so we packed up and move back after her contacted ended a year later. Back to the small sleepy college town we met. We moved back, our kiddo was 1, things were looking up, I had gotten a day job- our kiddo was finally sleeping better, really it seemed good. But since her c-section a year prior, we had only managed to have sex a few times. I thought this would be the change we could to finally revive our bedroom life. But it hardly changed, add a few more times to the few mentioned before. We went from daily to basically none, not to mention we would constantly fight about things that need to be done, money, etc. I’ll admit I did not do my part of house work. So things are starting to fall apart- I’m still drinking heavily, our bedroom was on life support and I fucked up and started watching porn, browsing sites akin to tinder. I have to say I never actually hooked up with anyone but I did get some photos sent to me. Not my proudest moment. Well I arrived home from work and Jen had found said communications and browsing history and was rightfully mad. After a week or so staying with a friend and she allows me to apologize , I assured her it was nothing more than digital and explained how I felt about our sex life, or lack of one specifically. Things kind of improved for a bit, I stopped drinking, we were being intimate, we got married, she quit working and went for a graduate degree, I had found more gainful employment. until one day Jen noticed something new on my body.. a wart to be specific. At some point I contacted HPV. Which then made me look like a liar. (I since found out it was a girl i had a one night stand with shortly before my prior relationship. (Common friend told me years later))but I had no explanation or evidence to prove my infidelity was not physical. Well after this happened things got bad, really bad. I started drinking heavily again, right into financial ruin. We were broke, rent due, hungry baby, relationship just about dead. 0 bedroom life. I never said I was the good guy here. Just trying to be honest about our past. So we need cash quick so we don’t fall behind on bills, it is eventually decided she will strip for cash until we can get out of the hole I dug us. I’m pretty insecure but we had no other choice. I was handling it pretty well, until I noticed something in her attitude. She would get home and try to initiate sex with me. It was welcome but odd- till this point we had a half dead bedroom for years. I pried it out of her that stripping turned her on and instantly felt disgust. I lost it on her, how could she- come home and fuck me smelling like alcohol and bathroom cologne. Can’t fuck them at the club easily so come home and pretend I’m someone that turns you on. Had we not had issues overall in the bedroom I would not have felt this way but this made me feel gross, betrayed, guilty, angry. She obviously is mad at me since it’s my fault she was there. We had a fight and somewhat made up. Bedroom life was slow, life went on, things are pretty crappy and one night she goes out with a friend and shows up back at our place, hammered, with a guy from the bar. Our child was asleep in the room and that man is lucky I did not shoot him. She claims he was her friends stray but she let a stranger come to OUR HOUSE. Well at this point, i was mad but eventually just got over it. Life moved on we came out of the financial hole moved to a nicer place and began work towards saving for a home. She was still stripping on and off to help save. Well then she actually cheated on me, with another girl I front of a group of guys for money. I’m died inside at this point. I fell back to drinking heavily, again sexually all but dead. I basically repressed it and allowed her to get off easy (when she found my digital infidelity years prior I had to stay with a friend for a week) over this time, things are quite- status quo- saving for our first home. After some time like this I got a new job- and we could finally purchase. So we did- just before the pandemic. Our bedroom was basically dead- only initiated by me, was pretty one sided and seemed like she was just doing it to appease me. Constantly fighting of little things like chores (if I did not do them exactly the way or time she wanted it done WW3 would break out) but we managed. The the pandemic happened. We decided we would move closer to her family so we could have some support and hopefully work on us. We were able to live with her family for the next 1.5ish years. I only recall having sex twice during this time. (Could have been more but like I said I’m still drinking at this point) we bicker constantly during this time. Mind you all I am slowly at this dying on the inside this whole time. We had a major blow up in front of everyone a few days prior to closing. Stemming from myself feeling generally put out. Stick in a sexless marriage and the fact that I had a work thing in Vegas for a week. We sign - I leave for Vegas- she organizes the movers and get everything in. We have our own space again. Now we are almost to the present day. I again found new employment and have a high stress, high 6 figure salary career we have had many of fights due to chores, and household duties etc. she was convinced it was due to alcohol so I finally quit drinking for good. The goal was to hopefully fix this relationship, have a more intimate bedroom. In fact this was agreed upon when I quit. Some of the other things that have been said in these arguments was that she is working and trying to find better work so she can financially afford to leave me. She currently works on a “less than part time” contract work type stuff but is basically is a SAHM. I pay 100% of everything. This is now 6 months after I stopped drinking and there has been no change in our bedroom life. 3.5 weeks ago: I calm Loy state that I thought we agreed on the spicing up the bedroom with more frequently maybe some lingerie. I am getting a bit frustrated with this. Her: I just started my period but I hear you. A week goes by period done still nothing. 2 weeks ago Friday: we are sitting on the couch. I am feeling very much frustrated sexually. We are watching tv together, and I make a comment about one of the people. Here is what happened : Person on TV while crying “I recently found out my body produces excess estrogen” me: must be why you’re so emotional. Her: you’re a sexist pig, a misogynist, thats a misnomer and actually testosterone does that and so many other things I forget them all but that was the gist. Just offended. I apologized and said it was just a dumb comment. Somewhat calmed down but the energy was thick. Then I made my second mistake: a morbidly obese person came on screen wearing a sold color onesie. I muttered : dude looks like a bowling ball. And that was it- I’m a disgusting pig and she is going to bed. I sleep on the couch that night seething that again no sex, again random attacks against my character, again using something like a comment about a person on screen to go to bed. Saturday: my kiddo sees me on the couch, asks “dad can you make me an omelet.” Me still upset with how the night ended with my wife- complained about not wanting to make it- and eventually agreed. While cooking breakfast - wife comes downstairs and immediately starts in on me, ignoring my advances for a hug, telling me i need to walk the dog because she doesn’t have time. I also needed to run an errand before the kiddos sports ball game. I told her kind of angrily I had shit to do as well and what is preventing her from doing it. Well she does, things are quiet, we get to the game and we are sitting there. She brings up the comments of the night before and started this whole thing in public. Trying to get me to lose my temper in public. I was able to ignore it and just finish the game. Pushed all that down and was ready to move on. We get home from the day’s activities and she does what she always does says good night to the kiddo and gets ready for bed. Again I sleep on the couch. Sunday: she wakes up and starts cleaning, I try to be nice again- making advances to hug her, kiss her etc. I walked the doggo, not asked to do so- kiddo asks me to cook some food again so I do. No complaint, but while I’m cooking she makes another comment about my character. And brings up Friday again. I lost it: I was screaming at her like I never have before. Told her I wanted a divorce, that she clearly doesn’t want this it’s why she can’t even pretend to want me sexually and that I am nothing more than an ATM for her at this point. The rest of Sunday and Monday was silent. This is when I started this novel of a post. Finally she apologized and admitted to being cold to me, promised to work on this. Tuesday, best sex we have had in a decade, Wednesday, repeat action, Thursday a 3rd time. This past Friday- I was spent this was more sex than I had in a row in years. I was happy. Saturday, family members bday and another sports game. All day gone- everything good. We get home late- she is tired no problems. Sunday Mothers Day. We had plans with her family to do some hiking the first part of the day then have lunch and play a game. Everything is going fine. It starts to get around 3:00 pm and I tell her I am ready to go home. She said we have not played the game and that she wanted to. So I agree- we play a few rounds and during the game she could see that I was getting annoyed that we had to play another round I was not being rude but just not enthusiastic about ti. She looked at me and said I need to check myself. The way she said it, the fact she said it at the table so everyone could hear. I felt disrespected, we left and argued a little but I ended up saying sorry because ok I get it my fault. So we get home and she comes into my office space (which was dirty) glasses, and tons of boxes /other recycling that had not be taken care of. She told me to do it I agreed it was gross and started picking up. She kept on about how I’m disgusting for leaving it in the first place- etc I calmly asked her to just leave it alone and drop it, I’d take care of it but she didnt after 10 mins of her spewing on me I finally lost it and told her to get the fuck out of my office if she doesn’t like it. That I’m tired of the hostility and it’s clear she didn’t actually want to fix this. She kept asking me to lower my volume while telling me why she is right, brining up everything from the prior week. I did not lower my volume I got louder and more upset till she goes to bed and I sleep on the couch again. Monday: we argue more. The general mood is “how could I blow up on her on Mother’s Day.” That she is done etc. as soon as she can financially leave she will. I said why wait and asked her to stay with her mother for a few days- she refused to, so I left to a hotel room. Today was more of the same: not accepting that she had a part in the argument. That I just freaked out over her asking me to clean up. We have eventually agreed to give therapy a shot but here I sit, in my hotel room. Contemplating life I can’t help but feel we gave it our best but we were doomed to fail. I really don’t want to lose my family. but neither of us can take the current state anymore. What does the world of Reddit think?

For context, my boyfriend and I were in school together 6th grade-11th grade. We had all of our classes together 6th-8th grade and shared none in high school. I decided to go online during senior year when given the option during COVID due to 2 reasons: sexual assault and mental health.
We have been together for a little less than a year now. He used to hate my guts in school. We never actually held a conversation with each other. I always feel I was never given a real chance but also know I am a very difficult person to force to open up. I was known for not speaking. He hated my guts because I liked him and everyone knew it. It wasn't a secret. I feel like I embarrassed him and he was ashamed of me. He always looked like it was hell even having to sit in the same room as me. He had this friend, lets name her Sam, who was a lesbian. They were in marching band together. Sam is now transgender and a he. They stopped being friends after high school. We both agree Sam was a cunt and we hate her-now-him. According to my sister, in the 8th grade Sam approached her asking for advice on me as she (at the time) knows that I am straight and wanted me for herself. My sister was in a particularly bad mood that day and brushed Sam off saying something along the lines of "well, like you said shes not like that so you're just going to have to move on and get over it" and walked away. Sam was always particularly cruel to me after that.
Everyone hated and despised my (now) boyfriend for his promiscuity in 8th-12th grade. He has a history and is a recovering porn addict. He had lower self esteem than I ever knew and felt like he had to manipulate girls in the grades below us into sleeping with him. He has gone through therapy and is now much better and has become the person he wants to be. I did not know at the time that he is also diagnosed Bipolar 2 disorder and was on a medication that made him numb and indifferent and kind of an asshole who was unable to cry, according to him. He has gone to therapy and is a completely different person than he was in school. He has always been outstandingly mature compared to everyone else. He has been extremely patient and healthy towards me. He is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. The healthiest person I have ever met. He makes me very very happy.
But.....I was on their side. I hated him the same way he hated me. Which he has apologised for and says Im the coolest and nicest person he has ever met and he doesn't know why he didn't give us a chance sooner. The reason I was so so angry with him, and still get frustrated with him when he mentions exes even if its to tell a funny story, is because everyone, particularly Sam, liked to rub his promiscuity in my face. It makes sense. His friends thought he hated me. Everyone else knew I liked him and spread rumors about him. Somewhere along the line with being abused at home and raped by my ex and never quite knowing how to talk to people or about how I feel, and developing the inability to make any objective statement about myself without feeling like a liar, or being tormented at school hearing how the boy I love is with yet another girl and did this or did that, and all of the back and forth between hating his guts and wishing him the best, I developed high functioning internalizing borderline personality disorder. An excruciating mental illness to have. It creeps up on you. I feel....nothing....numb or perfectly fine most of the time. I now find myself drunk crying typing this. I am the shut down type. This messes with my boyfriends anxiety. He starts crying realizing he may have said something he shouldn't have and his face always turns purple when he cries and he tries to sit me down to talk about things. The most I've been able to physically get out is the bare minimum: I don't like anything related to exes. And that was bad wording on my part. I feel he is now under the impression that I am just the "jealous type" or suffering simple retroactive jealousy rather than having been bullied by a friend who couldn't have me, or overly informed by his haters.
I do not know how to tell him how his every move impacted me so badly. He seems completely oblivious and unaware. Im so sick of being labeled as crazy when this was done to me. I was born normal. I could have been normal. So many things happened to me that shouldn't have. I feel especially guilty for still being f****ed up over this because he is so wonderful and living up to his potential. He is so loving towards me. I sometime feels like I've been murdered though. Like I was killed before we could start.
I just want to know if there is anyone out there who has experienced anything similar to this or how one could go about communicating this experience to a loved one.

Yea that’s right, I’m feelin like the shit right now, somehow, with low experience and one year in college(transferring to a top 10 with my associates) I somehow managed to secure my first software interview, they liked my initiative and brought me in for a second interview
Now not going to lie I was not qualified at all I was merely trying to hold my own as I was the only black guy in that office and in that room were 3 white middle aged fully fledged out men that had been working with software for 15-30 years, 15 years ago I was 7. I fought for my life like a valiant warrior, attempting to claim my spot. Did I get it, maybe, but I am hype that they took this chance on me they like people who show drive and initiative, and people who can learn how to do things(ChatGPT and google)
I felt blessed because he said the role he wanted to assign me to was working with data and that’s like a dream come true for me and in the future I’ll be working on IOS apps, ngl I’ve been pretty down bad broke, I did music and 3d animations for 2 years and while I’m really good at both and continue to do them, I realized that if I’m going to really make money I need to learn software, luckily I took IB compsci in high school and have been using tech since I was 4, so I had a large knowledge base to go off of
I’m currently developing an app on my own, and I really want to save up to 20k so I can start investing in things and hiring low cost devs, this job will give me that opportunity, I will have to learn and survive on the job
My friend picked me up and I was a nervous wreck bro, I thought that since it was raining and 4:30 pm these guys were going to be a tiny bit off their game, sleepy or something, but no they sat down and gave me that white devil stare(just a joke) and they were on point like it was 6:30 in the morning, I was sincerely fighting for my life.
I will update if I got it

Usually when I'm just casually talking I sound extremely monotone and always (unless I find something funny) my face never changes expression. And at most my canthal tilt changes when I'm sad.
I haven't found something I truly enjoy since anything I do I begin to become bored of it fast and/or realize I'm "not good at it" when really it's just that there are others who have worked really hard at the thing and have dedicated half their life to the thing while I just started liking the thing in high school and trying to teach myself or take classes (which I often do terribly in cuz of the workload, even if it's light).
I often have a tendency to not be tired at night but constantly show signs of fatigue such as slow movements, nearly falling asleep while lying down, and yawning during the day but denying I'm tired.
Often times when something is not going my way, I fail at something, or I become aware of how terrible my life is, I often fall into a slump where all I can do is watch comforting youtube videos (horror), sit in the dark, not feel motivated to leave the house, eat unhealthy food, only listen to depressing sounding music and even finding comfort in it, skipping out on real meals, and thinking about how the world would be better without me, who has no talent or gift.
But then when I do something good and people like it, I become overly conceited and egotistical, thinking I'm better than everyone else because I'm more creative and I think that just doing something that everyone else does is not creative and stupid.
I've also recently discovered I have a tendency towards forgetfulness and self sabotage and due to staying in my room almost all the time with the drapes closed, my eyes are sensitive to sunlight (unrelated to the depression)
I have a theory that I might also either be bipolar or schizophrenic because oftentimes when I have these moodswings, the next day when I'm back to my regular self I completely forget anything I said in my depression.