In January of 2023 my wife, I’ll call her S, left me. A bit of backstory because this is mostly my fault. Me and her moved from Florida to Washington 6 years ago for me to find better work. Her dad, brother and I were all best friends for a while and her dad was my boss that’s how I met her. We started dating in 2016 when I lived in Jacksonville and was attending welding school. When I moved back to my hometown I couldn’t find work and eventually went back to work with the company her dad worked at, I ran my own shop. I hated it I was so depressed I wanted to weld but she didn’t want me to because she’d be alone while I was on the road so I stayed. Her mom is a meth addict and is very violent and her dad is laid back as it gets but an alcoholic non the less. I was living with my parents at the time and one day her mom freaked out and tried to hit her, I stood up and defended her and her mom kicked her out of there house. Me and her lived with my parents ever since. Now that she lived at my parents house I had to basically force her to get a job because all she did was play sims and complain. Especially about me watching game of thrones because of the nudity. when I got home and I thought she needed some purpose. I only bring these thing up to put into perspective the things that I had to forgive and give up to be with her. One day my mom asks us if we’d like to move to Washington in hopes of a better life and she could attend college here. I was thrilled at the idea and she was at that moment too. As the date grew closer and I had already put my two weeks notice in she started getting cold feet. I explained to her that I was miserable at my job and had already given up welding and I was not passing up another opportunity whether she came or not. That ended in a fight but she said she wanted to come in the end. My mom emptied her retirement so we could rent a truck, drive up and have an apartment when we got there (my mom was already here) When got here we both immediately got jobs as a construction labor, making quite good money and her at a drugstore. This is where the problems really began. She started to become very withdrawn. She was not interested in anything sexual, and it began to wear on my confidence. I eventually got a job as an electrician making less money as an apprentice, but more overall when I turned out. Then Covid hit. I got fat and depressed, I got a lot from unemployment. So naturally, I began to drink more. Then I started dabbling in cocaine. Over time this became a problem, I began hiding it doing it on the weekends being out all night sometimes for multiple days. She caught me and I lied. My mental health was deteriorating quickly. I had already suffered with depression before, but this was something different. Her dad got diagnosed with stage bone cancer during this too. It was a rough time for both of us. At one point she told me she didn’t know if she wanted to get a divorce because she wanted to go back home to be with her dad if he died. Even though I understood this crushed me even more. During 2022 I was still somehow I was still somehow still managing to keep it together even with my addiction. She started attending college and work and college at the same time with stressing her out to the point where she was crying so I told her to quit her job and do college full-time. I paid for all of it. Financial burdens began to increase. My mental health dropped even lower. I became increasingly suicidal I thought about death every day. I talked about it every day. She would tell me she’s not a psychiatrist or therapist and that she couldn’t help me. She started hanging out with one of her friends from work and they started hanging out a lot towards the end of 2022. This part is extremely important. I started noticing things on her phone that pointed to her being interested in women like things in her algorithm for TikTok and YouTube. Stuff to do with being lesbian and coming out or bi. I asked her one day if that was something that was going on with her if she was interested in women. She told me no. A month later, she came to me and told me that she thought about it and it was something that she had been thinking about. I told her that it was OK and that it was something that I was willing to let her explore as long as we communicated. Then out of the blue one day again she tells me she didn’t mind if I slept with other women. Looking back this was a red flag at the time. I thought it was OK with it for being with someone else. It turns out I was not. Being a cocaine addict and an alcoholic pretty much plus the thought of her being with someone else started to grind my self-conscious. I became increasingly paranoid that she would leave me. One night fueled on cocaine. I got on her laptop and looked through all of her history all of it back years. And I saw she had to stop obsessing over a guy. Is it OK to have a crush on a guy at the gym while married. I confronted her with this information. And it turned into a huge she said I invaded her privacy which I did and still feel terrible for. And she said it was only a crush and nothing else. Our sex life had all the ground, and I was so hurt that she was attracted to someone else and couldn’t even begin to be attracted to me. One night at the beginning of January, maybe the first week or two I was trying to quit drinking and doing cocaine. I had maybe been a week in. It was the weekend and I didn’t want to be alone. I begged her to stay with me, but she went out with her friend. In retaliation, I suppose I went out with someone a friend of mine and got fucked up. We ended up going back to his place with some girls. There was no sex just making out and such. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I freaked out and got taken home in a cop car. She was at her friends at this point I decided to commit suicide. I overdosed on muscle relaxers with my uncle to tell him bye. My uncle got it out of him that I had overdosed. He called my wife and her and the woman that she was hanging out with came to my house and I was taken to the hospital. I spent a whole week in the hospital. The whole time I was there she just seemed annoyed. She wanted to go back to her friends house and do homework for school. I got out and went back to work. I had to make up some school and the day I was there. I talked to another woman about how I could win her back because she said that she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore. The girls suggested I take her out on a date and tell her how I was feeling and I did. That night while we were eating dinner, she told me that she had been sleeping with that girl the night I tried to commit suicide and other nights. She didn’t tell me she was afraid I would divorce. At first, I remain calm. But as the past, I started to become angry. at home I told her I was leaving to go stay at a friends house because we need to take a break. I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other terrible things. I went completely off the rails she left with that girl to stay at her house. I bought a bunch of cocaine Adderall and alcohol and was determined to just do drugs until I died. I started self harming. I tried to commit suicide through carbon monoxide, overdose, and hanging. I ruined the house. I broke so many things kicked down doors shattered pictures. You should’ve seen it. It was disgusting. She came by to check on me because she was worried. I was going to kill myself. I can’t remember everything that I said to her, but I know I freaked out. I started throwing things and just being an absolute ass. it culminated her calling my parents. She told him everything. I should also note that during this time I was confused as well with everything going on in my head and thought maybe I would be by and gave a guy a blow job he also gave me one as well. It didn’t last long I wasn’t into it, but I told her the very next day. Had about three months before all this happened. She left again and my mom flew back from Florida. As I sobered up, I began to realize how I had acted. I went to work and immediately told my foreman that I needed to go to rehab. I went to rehab and started to feel better about two months after she had told me and I went to rehab and started to feel better. About two months since the split, we met up at a Starbucks to talk about us. She said that she didn’t think she could be with me anymore. After the way I had acted and all the lying with my addiction. I wanted her back so badly. I told her I’m sorry I was never worth it in a bunch of other stuff that was childish. She said I had acted like her mom and that she couldn’t deal with it. I totally did the yelling throwing things saying horrible things to her to put her down. Anyway, I went no contact with her the whole time she was still living with that girl. I relapsed after about four months. I got laid off from my job. In a few Coke, fueled rages on separate occasions, I would call her and beg her back and then yell at her when she didn’t want to. I called her with cancer and told him that she had cheated on me with a girl. They are very conservative and that was a horrible thing for me to do. So now the end of the tale. I’ve been in and out of sobriety now for this year and a half more in sobriety than out. I’m sober now I’m in AA and NA and feeling much better. Her dad died of cancer. She never told me I heard through a friend of a friend which really hurt me because me and him used to be best friends. Although I understand why she would not reach out to me. Neither me or her have filed the paperwork for the divorce. We just never talk. She has me blocked on Facebook and I don’t know her phone number and honestly right now. I don’t even know if I want to go through with the divorce or just keep working on healing. I’m so confused because I still love her but also I don’t want to be with her but I do. I think about her all the time. I don’t want to break no contact with her. We haven’t spoken in over nine months. I don’t want to open up the wounds for her. If anyone has read this far thank you. I’m typing on my phone so if everything seems rushed and a little sporadic, sorry. I would just like some advice on how maybe I could move forward stay sober and heal from all of this.

So in January, my SO brought up to me that he was unhappy in our relationship because we were arguing too much, and I wasn't making time for him. We have a son with adhd, he takes up my patience and time, I'm a full time student, and an office manager. Still no excuse to make someone feel neglected, so I apologized and prioritized my time, talked to my therapist for aid in stress relief (I knew I was in a bad mood often), and cut back on hours. I told him to keep me up to date in his feelings, and if there is something else I can do to work on my end.
Everything has been going so much better and I asked him if he's happy with me a couple times, to which he responded he was never unhappy with me but with how our relationship was. Making the changes I did and being more present has felt amazing for me and I realized like wow, I have my person and I don't feel as stressed anymore maybe I bit off more than I can chew and this just feels good. I excitedly planned our 10 year anniversary, and we're both beyond excited.
Brings me to my issue, I can't shake this feeling off since January when he told me he was unhappy. I overthink and I know that but I can't get out of my head. I worry I'm not doing enough, looking good enough, having enough sex, etc... so we make jokes about our sex life taking a hit when becoming parents, and I make jokes about myself gaining weight, my stomach being different, etc. But he made a couple jokes a week ago and it hurt. It doesn't feel the way it used to because in my head he's not happy and I wish I could change it all and be someone he's proud to have (I gained 40 lbs since my son and have pcos so losing it has been a nightmare).
Fast forward to last week, I got his phone to look up his cousin (to buy a minisplit from them) on Facebook. I see multiple searches for women on it and it made my heart drop. I trust him, I don't think he'd cheat but it caught me off guard because one them is a spitting image of his dream girl. I put his phone down and just let it be. Before I get scolded on here, I know I shouldn't have looked again as it's an invasion of privacy (even though he has told me years ago, I could look through his phone) I never felt the need to and this was just coincidence. But I did, two more times. The old searches for her were deleted. But he forgot to delete the search from yesterday. Now my thing is why search them so often? And why delete it? And apparently, they went to high school together (says on the fb).
My brother is his best friend since 8th grade (how we met) and I was kinda just made apart of the friend group and they have talked about old crushes/flings in the past and the name of the girl he's been consistently searching up has never came up in these conversations so I'm kind of like who is she? Where did she come from?
I guess another thing that is just so bothersome to me about the whole thing is how I've been trying hard, putting in work to this and he's just doing whatever. But told me when I asked how happy he is now and happy about the changes.
Anyway, any advice would be great. And I guess bottom line is, should I be worried about his consistent searches? Should I ask him about it or let it be? Am I too in my head? I don't know.
TLDR; F28, M31 my SO of 10 years is consistently searching someone up on Facebook after telling me he was unhappy in January but now says he's so happy and loves all that has changed so I'm unsure if to bring it up to him or I'm overreacting and in my head.

I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.

There is great benefit, these days, in having a name unlike any other: you float to the top of Google searches. Bolerium Books, in San Francisco, knows this well, although it wasn’t a consideration when it first opened, in 1981. Bolerium’s co-owner, John Durham, runs through any number of explanations for the name, depending on whose leg he wants to pull and how hard. “It was an ancient road in Roman times,” he intoned recently, “large, funny, and sluggish,” while another co-owner, Alexander Akin, roundly mouthed, “Not true.” (The word is a Roman one for Land’s End, in Cornwall, England. The bookstore was once a bit closer to the ocean.) Fittingly, there is no other place like Bolerium, not on the Internet nor in the province of the real. Similes come steadily, none of which really seem to fit. Perhaps Durham’s is best. “We’re like a platypus,” he told me recently, “ugly as fuck and all sorts of parts.”.
This moment of serious American protest against Trump has led to one of Bolerium Books’ best sales years ever.Photograph by Thor Swift / NYT / Redux.
At last count, the store contained 67,385 single titles in stock. Estimates of the time that has elapsed since the last deep cleaning ranged from a jokey “twenty years ago” to a hemming “define ‘clean.’ ” “Nature abhors a vacuum,” Durham quickly noted. A store map gestures at the sheer amount of stuff, with sections labelled as “Reef of Flotsam” or “Onset of Confusion” (right by the entrance), or, in one cramped corner, “Hell.”
The semi-barbed humor protects something serious and deeply essential. Few people walk in (“the door is locked to keep out the unworthy,” Durham wrote in response to a negative Yelp review, though he made sure to mention the password, “swordfish”). Those who do manage to enter find, three floors above one of the Mission District’s busiest intersections, a vast and quiet space populated by seven staff members, thousands of books about and from social movements, densely packed rows of pamphlets and ephemera, and, in the adjacent storage room, great snowbanks of paper. These snowbanks, or “midden heaps,” as Durham calls them, are from attics, basements, personal archives, and libraries across the country. They have all been sold or donated to Bolerium. In them, evidence of the past is to be found, possibly reckoned with, and then, hopefully, sold.
From Bolerium’s snowbanks have come copies of On Our Backs (a lesbian erotic magazine put out in response to the anti-pornography publication Off Our Backs), century-old postcards of pacifist Doukhobors protesting in the nude, intricate Black Panther posters and handbills, an issue of Lumberjack (“with appendix on musical saw”), and the famous inter-commune Kaliflower newsletters from early-nineteen-seventies San Francisco. But with a staff so expert that they can translate a Mongolian treatise on traditional Oirat law using a handmade cheat sheet, classifications like “famous” and “obscure” begin to blur. So do “past” and “present.” Rather than a platypus, maybe the store is more like an estuary: the disparate holdings mingle, rolling in and out according to murky tides. (If you visit the Web site and browse the digital catalog by date, the tides begin to feel more explicable; one week, for example, carries a huge wave of Alan Watts-related material. The next week brings a crush of gay romance novels.) At Bolerium, for better and worse, you can wade around in what Durham calls “the primary source material for history.”
Here is an 1838 publication by the American Anti-Slavery Society and a brochure arguing for the Equal Rights Amendment. A pamphlet from a 1928 speech by Marcus Garvey sits not far from a publication on “incidents in the Life of Eugene V. Debs” written by his brother, Theodore (once, before an important speech, a piece of barbed wire tore “a great rent in [Debs’s] trousers . . . the flap of which hung down like the ear of a Missouri houn’ pup”). Among many other small, sheeny pins is a button from the 1990 AIDS Walk in San Francisco. Here are fliers that passed from hand to hand at protests, meant to convince, assuage, and inflame, and here’s a lump of coal from a miners’ strike in Alabama with tiny chicken-scratch wording: “never forget.” Notably, this year of serious American protest has been the store’s best sales year ever.
Not marked on the map is that other part of American history that has, this year and every other, raged—a section that Durham loosely calls “the White Problem” and keeps behind the locked door of a different room altogether. Accessible to scholars and those who know to ask, the spindly bookcases contain titles like “Gun Control Means People Control” and “Fluoridation & Truth Decay,” as well as several publications by the John Birch Society. “You can’t understand American history without understanding the far right,” Durham told me. “What it’s done, its justifications, its tropes and idiocies.”
It was to the deepest corner of the storeroom that the archivist Lisbet Tellefsen was drawn one afternoon. (Tellefsen visits Bolerium as a “treasure hunter,” and has amassed the largest collection of Angela Davis-related material in the world.) One time, she idly tugged out an issue of The Bayviewer, a magazine that once served the historic black neighborhood that James Baldwin characterized as “the San Francisco America pretends does not exist.”
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The magazine fell open to a page bearing the face of Tellefsen’s father, whom she had not seen since she was two, in an advertisement for his Oldsmobile dealership. That led to an ongoing saga of tracking down half-siblings and cousins found on Ancestry.com. “There is so much history there,” Tellefsen told me. She visits Bolerium once a month, wary of buying back her own consigned material. “It’s so rich with connections. We have an understanding of history, but places like that hold so much.” Bolerium’s official motto, “Fighting Commodity Fetishism with Commodity Fetishism since 1981,” does not quite distill the feeling of holding some of these discoveries between your fingers, or explain the way that ephemera can work to vivify history, very often through its ordinariness. A bit of light browsing recently unearthed a flier from a class reunion of Florida’s first accredited African-American high school, as well as an Electrolux manual from 1933 listing Pope Pius XI as a famous customer.
But history is ongoing, and the present moment needs its collectors. During the Occupy Movement, the store paid a dollar for each flyer or poster that people brought in, then put together a sweeping collection for the British Library. Holdings from contemporary social movements are fairly small, since so much planning, discussing, and arguing takes place on Facebook and Twitter. “Occupy was the last one to have lots of leaflets,” Akin told me, somewhat sadly. Currently, he is collecting material from what he calls the “shock-and-disbelief period” following the 2016 Presidential election. Only from “marinating in the sauce of time” do these things begin to accrue both value and interest.
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Recently, in one snowbank, Akin found a sketch done in creamy pastel of a basalt mountain and drifting clouds. Tiny guard towers dotted the background. It was a drawing of the view from Tule Lake Segregation Center, the largest of the incarceration camps that held Japanese-Americans during the Second World War, and the one which held those people deemed by the government to be “disloyal.” The artist was a man named Tomokazu, surname unknown, who resided for over thirty-five years in Plumas County, California, before being imprisoned at Tule Lake. The piece of paper sat among countless others all bearing dispatches of one kind or another from the past, which is not a foreign country, really, but a place hovering just under our present, and made of paper and ink, buttons, and voices.
https://xenagoguevicene.wordpress.com/2020/08/12/bolerium-books-the-san-francisco-bookstore-where-the-revolution-ends-up-by-lucy-schiller-the-new-yorker-20-sept-2018/

Okay, so I've been married to my husband (35M) for 5 years, but we've been together for 9. We have three kids, two girls and a boy. The boy is from my previous relationship, and my husband has always been uneasy about me talking to my son's father. At first, I found it somewhat endearing, like he was just being protective, but now I see things differently.
I've cut off communication with my son's father to respect my husband's wishes, but it's becoming increasingly challenging because my husband isn't the best stepfather to my son. He could definitely make more effort to bond with him. A few months ago, I reached out to my son's father because my son was acting out, and we decided to improve our communication for our son's sake.
Recently, my husband went through my Apple watch and found texts where I mentioned talking to my son's dad and asked my son to look at old family photos on Facebook. He got upset, particularly about me saying "we love you very much" to my son, interpreting it as if we're still a family. He accused me of hiding things from him and questioned why I deleted my son's father's number from my call log.
Now, our tax lady informed us that we can't claim my son on our taxes because someone else already did – his father. This is the first time in 13 years, and I agreed to let him claim him and do it every other year. He gave the entire refund to my father for things my son needs. My husband is furious, not about the money but about what he sees as ethical issues, accusing me of cheating and using the situation to leave him.
I'm at a loss here. I feel like my husband is overreacting and jumping to conclusions. He caught me twice, but it's not like I'm having secret love affairs with my ex. I suggested he call my son's father to clear things up, but he refuses. I don't know how to resolve this situation. Any advice?

Okay, so I've been married to my husband (35M) for 5 years, but we've been together for 9. We have three kids, two girls and a boy. The boy is from my previous relationship, and my husband has always been uneasy about me talking to my son's father. At first, I found it somewhat endearing, like he was just being protective, but now I see things differently.
I've cut off communication with my son's father to respect my husband's wishes, but it's becoming increasingly challenging because my husband isn't the best stepfather to my son. He could definitely make more effort to bond with him. A few months ago, I reached out to my son's father because my son was acting out, and we decided to improve our communication for our son's sake.
Recently, my husband went through my Apple watch and found texts where I mentioned talking to my son's dad and asked my son to look at old family photos on Facebook. He got upset, particularly about me saying "we love you very much" to my son, interpreting it as if we're still a family. He accused me of hiding things from him and questioned why I deleted my son's father's number from my call log.
Now, our tax lady informed us that we can't claim my son on our taxes because someone else already did – his father. This is the first time in 13 years, and I agreed to let him claim him and do it every other year. He gave the entire refund to my father for things my son needs. My husband is furious, not about the money but about what he sees as ethical issues, accusing me of cheating and using the situation to leave him.
I'm at a loss here. I feel like my husband is overreacting and jumping to conclusions. He caught me twice, but it's not like I'm having secret love affairs with my ex. I suggested he call my son's father to clear things up, but he refuses. I don't know how to resolve this situation.

So, I dated this girl about 3 years ago, and I was in love. Still haven’t been in love like that since. So, three years ago she went away for a weekend, and when she got back in town she didn’t talk to me for over 24 hours. When she did talk to me, she was cold and distant, and I knew a break up was impending. She broke up with me saying that she needed to work on herself and she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and what not. A few weeks later my friends are sending me screenshots from a Facebook page of a friend of my exes. Who was on that weekend with her. Long story short, she had cheated. I asked her if that’s what happened and she denied it, and I haven’t talked to her since. So, I recently learn that she is to get married to this guy, in the same place their relationship started, where my ex went on her weekend away. Where she cheated on me, with this guy.
And it’s just hitting really hard. I’ve been crying over this like as if the break up just happened and I was learning the truth of her lies and cheating all over again. The worst part is, I am seeing someone right now and now I’m worried that maybe I wasn’t ready to move on after her. But it’s been 3 years … Anyone else been in a position like this?

Background: around late 2018 or early 2019 I lived in a place where it's quite common for university and college students to cheat by paying someone to write papers for them. This ranges from standard essays and assignments all the way to Doctoral theses. Being prone to researching and writing - I made some extra money by working freelance for a company that provided those services (in case you were wondering - while shady and immoral af it's completely legal for the writers, while students who get caught could face a disciplinary hearing which could end in being banned from any higher education institute for up to five years).
Crime: around 18 months afterwards (Covid in full cry) I came across a familiar name online (facebook) spreading anti-vax fake news, harrassing parents vaccinating their kids, the works. Now, I must admit, I hate anti-vaxxers with a burning passion, they're nothing short of bio-terrorists and their selfish, entitled narcissistic stupidity cost people their lives. So like I said, the name looked familiar, and it was. Turns out it was a former "client" who graduated from university thanks to the "professional assistance" I provided through my line of work at the time.
Punishment: went back in my inbox, and there it was. All of it. Her full name, her social security equivalent number, the university on which she was enrolled, the course name, the class serial number, the professor's name - everything. So I started making some phonecalls from an old payphone in a nearby convenience store, followed by sending some documents from an internet Cafe, and what do you know? About a week later I see her posting about her degree being revoked, her place of work thinking of firing her (as she no longer has the necessary qualifications for her internship) and how she's simply miserable all around. And the cherry on top? I don't think they told her how they found out, as she is yet to reach out to the company I worked for at the time and complain.
Tl;dr - reported an anti-vaxxer to her university's management for purchasing written assignments, got her degree revoked.

Hello. I have some friends in another state that became a couple 2 years ago. Then a few months ago my female friend discovered my male friend was cheating on her. He said it was because of her mom. Which is controlling. But I stayed natural and didn't choose sides and told them they are both my friends and I was here for them both and was here if they needed to vent. But I wouldn't talk bad about either of them because I care about both of them. Before this started we would face time and play video games with each other a lot and even message in a group chat. Because we live so far away now. So not long after the break up the female friend deleted me on everything and blocked me. On Facebook, snap chat Playstation ect ect.. I was upset at first but then I thought about it and thought she's upset and hurting right now so she probably just needs space and time to herself and what not. That I wouldn't block her that I would be here for her when she was ready. And about a month later she messaged me on Facebook messenger. And slowly started to comeback around and at first just messaged some. Then called on messenger but no camera. Then face timed then added me back and unblocked me on everything except on Facebook. She didn't add me back but I didn't say anything. So she has called me everyday since for a few hours at night. And would get upset if I couldn't answer right away or if I got tired and wanted to go to bed. She gets upset and says I'm ditching her or running away. So I remind here I'm not running away that I'm always here for her. And she says I know its just I don't want to lose you too. So she's called every night for the last 2 months. So the night before last I sent her a Facebook friend request. And she didn't mention it or accept it. So I thought well I guess she declined it for some reason. Then about 30 minutes ago she suddenly messaged me that she can't be friends with me on Facebook sorry. And it didn't bother me except for 1 thing. She added me back on every single thing and had her kids add me back on Playstation as well. And has been messaging and face timing me every day for almost 3 months and gets upset when I can't get on a call right away or because it gets so late I start falling asleep and go to bed. But she says she can't be friends with me on Facebook????. Does anyone else think that's strange or weird? And anyone have any idea what the reason could be? I mean I know she doesn't have to accept the friend request and that its her choice. But it just seems odd that she would add me on everything and tell her kids to add me back. When I didn't ask her to add me back on the others she sent requests for me to add her back. So I'm just confused by the Facebook request being the only one that can't be accepted 🤔. I asked and she just ignored the question. So I respected her choice and dropped it. But does anyone else see the logic or what the reasoning could be? Or any advice would be appreciated. Because I'm totally confused

I had 4 friends. Close friends. And one husband. Of the four friends, one used my name to create a fake non-profit, one used my name to create an alternate identity for herself to go meet men without her husband finding out that it was her dildos and not mine that were coming to her house, one used me as an aliby to cheat on her husband so she could say she was with me, and one used my social profiles to talk to me with money and wives so she didn't get caught cheating on her husband or labeled a home wrecker by the respectable well-to-do wives. Facts. How do I know? Because you used my Skype to get a number so you could cheat. Because you got messages from the men who were chatting with you. Because you did!!! One of you at least chatted with my husband and knowing how much you like to be famous, you probably did a whole lot more than flirt. One of you still logs into my iCloud account with the watch. And one of you lied about me having relationships with younger people. All of you can kiss my ass and get on down the road with the bullshit. One of you has a whole lot of angry black women thinking I am the white bitch talking to their man. One of you has a whole lot of wealthy socialites thinking I have daddy issues. And one of you has the medication mafia thinking I am fucking with their money and benefits matrix. Throw in the ex-husband who can't stay his ass off Facebook Marketplace and dating sites to stalk people and knows good and well his ass is a cheater who thinks as long as he doesn't have all his clothes in the same place I live he can excuse his whores by using the we were on a break defense. All of you can go to hell. Accountants, loan officers, teachers, and state employees....Fuck you all. He is not good in bed anymore. In fact, it is flat out terrible. It is too much work to get it up and no fun when it finally does decide to wake up, but then he's asleep and it's too much like fucking a crash test dummy. Just not worth the effort or dealing with his bullshit. So no thank you again. I'm sorry I knew any of you. And bestie at the bank, darling, you do know that video from the group home is still on YouTube, which means you are the one who exposed the entire community online since the names of my students were in my Google Classroom, which you hid the camera and videoed. I let you take a nap using my lap for a pillow and stroked your hair because you had such a damn bad migraine and you let people say I was bisexual and messing with younger kids. Your ass was not anywhere close to being a minor and I certainly didn't hit on you. I was being a good friend. I actually loved you like a sister. But you are a whore. I was not chatting with your brother in law, Josh, Alan, or your son's father. So get the shit straight. And you really should delete the cash app for Blake's girl before your boss's wife sees that one and knows you been fucking two of her men.

When they start pulling away that’s a huge sign the discard is imminent. It doesn’t matter what reason they give for it, look at their actions. You can’t trust their words only their actions.
In my relationship experience with my gf, we were on and off for five years and cycled back over a dozen times. I’ve been hit with blind sided discards throughout the years. Usually the discards happened when I thought things were at their best in the relationship and we were having our most closest and intimate times together. I loved her but my heart had hardened over the years and it morphed into a challenge and experiment for me as I am very interested in human psychology. The last three break ups were all initiated by me after I saw set boundaries bulldozed through by her.
In the past, I would have lingered and waited for the axe to fall not believing she would or could actually leave. Now armed with all this hard learned experience, I prepared and waited for her next hoover. Sure enough she came back each time. Sometimes after much more added betrayal. Sometimes she would monkey branch, she would never admit to it but I would usually find out months or years after the fact. She was great at keeping secrets and sneaking around and telling lies. This last time was more of an experiment for me. Her trigger after the love bombing stage and first discard was sexual intimacy which invoked emotional intimacy. Usually right after an intimate encounter she would either start a nonsensical fight and use my reaction as a reason to leave or would just disappear and ghost.
I’ve struggled with does she only have an avoidant attachment style or is there a cluster B disorder also at play. I really think it is BPD with covert NPD traits combined with an avoidant attachment style forming a mental trifecta; a relationship disaster. I knew this last time wouldn’t work. A zebra can’t change its stripes.
She contacted me again to get back together again. I played hard to get trying to decide if I really wanted this or not. I demanded numerous boundaries be agreed to before I would agree trying again. I pushed her so far away, I thought she might just say never mind but when I saw her reaching her limit, I relented and accepted her back with many boundaries in place. I told myself if these were broke I was done and I would leave. One important boundary was being blocked on social media. She would always keep me blocked on FB and other platforms while we were in a relationship. I felt it was to shield her harem from knowing about me and me knowing about them and what she was doing. She kept other ex’s as friends on FB and actually went back to him after we broke up on two occasions.
I often wondered if we put off having sex could we build a stronger foundation and have a longer lasting relationship. I also didn’t want physical intimacy to cloud my judgement and give me false feelings of love. So we both decided to not be intimate right away and just date and put an emphasis on building a friendship and getting close with out sex. Things were great in the beginning. She was trying hard. She opened up in ways I had always wanted. Some of those were because of boundaries I set in the beginning. I got to meet her family and friends. I saw a lot of the same cluster B behaviors in others close to her and her family members from suicide to serial cheating, multiple and short lived relationships etc…
Slowly I could see the mental fatigue on her face. She began struggling about two months in. We decided to plan a weekend getaway and be intimate. I put down deposits on an Airbnb and made plans. She started an argument the week of the trip. Her issue was that I offered to bring her to my gym as a guest so we could do something healthy together and bond. She just thought that was the worst idea ever. During the argument she also told me she could be talking to someone else instead. She then kicked me out of her house. I thought that was the end of the experiment. In the past any conflict no matter how mild would have been reason enough for her to break up.
Low in behold, I was truly surprised, I woke up to a good morning text from her apologizing saying she was not running away and I was her person and she loved me. She stated she still didn’t feel comfortable going on the trip. I lost deposits. I later questioned her about who she was referring to she could be talking to instead. She said she never could have said that as it would have been mean to say.
Fast forward approximately two months later the old argument about the gym was brought up again by her. It didn’t get to the same level of being kicked out of her house. I kept my cool and just gray rocked her and didn’t react. I just affirmed her and said ok. It seemed to give her some relief and not escalate things. We decided to plan a weekend at a casino where we would spend the night. This went off without a hitch. We had a great time and we were very intimate and had great sex. Afterwards laying in bed enjoying the afterglow, she commented this was never our problem. I asked what was our problem, she said it was her running away. She promised to never do that again. The next day we went her parents house for Sunday dinner. Things were great, she seemed so in love with me. I was elated. We were walking into her parents side entrance when I noticed how happy she was and I commented someone looks like they are in love. She turned around and looked at me with the strangest face. Almost like fear. I was taken aback but didn’t say anything as we were walking into her parents house and then greeted everyone. It was like a switch had just flipped. She became distant and quiet. I didn’t see her again until the following sunday. She gave excuses about having to work a night shift that was at first going to alternate every other day to nightly. At the end of the week she invited back to her parents house for dinner. She still texted but I didn’t receive any phone calls and the texts contained less affectionate terms and only offered up I loves you’s only after I did first.
While at her parents house her mother asked if I was going to her birthday party the next night at a restaurant. I said I would love to but I didn’t know anything about it. She gave her mom a wtf look and then said let’s see how he acts first. Me and her mother both looked at each other and laughed. The next night I show up at her house to pick her and her teenage daughter up who had been committed for attempting suicide in the past for the purpose of going to her mother’s bday party.
Two days in the future was Valentine’s Day, I asked what restaurant would she like to go too. She was like I don’t won’t to go out and gave a reason as the restaurants would be to busy but after my persistent questioning she offered possibly a lunch instead and said she would let me know. I dropped it as she was getting visibly angered. This was totally out of character because she always liked going out to busy places where live music and beer was had. I said ok and we continued on to the party. We were at a restaurant and normally she sits right beside me thigh to thigh and she would keep a hand on my leg. That night she sat atleast a foot apart from me and never touched me the whole night. We barely even spoke. Every time I tried she was dismissive.
After dinner we went back to her house and she sat me down to tell me that she felt pressured to see me after work as she missed going to stores and felt rushed to get home to see me. I didn’t react and just offered a compromise and said I understood how about we schedule a date night then. She never responded and just dropped it. She then brought up the gym argument again. I didn’t respond to it. I told her I was her safe place and to just relax. My head was swimming with thoughts of here we go again. I leave soon after her telling me she was tired and I got my peck on the cheek and left early. I did not receive a good night text or ask if I made it home safely. I sent a good night message and fell asleep.
The next morning I wake to no messages which was very abnormal. I normally get good morning messages from her and I love you’s every day. I sent my normal messages and she responds back saying she needed that. But nothing more additional. I go through my day and get nothing else from her. Normally she sends texts all day long. Towards 4 pm I send a text from a gym and a selfie saying hi , I love you. She hearted the photo and said then said she was going to her mom’s house and sent me a selfie of her. She was all dressed up and didn’t look like she was just going to her moms. I was hoping to get an invite to come over. Nothing more came from her. I asked about her daughter as she had was dealing with possible Covid symptoms and I got nothing in response. I didn’t feel like going home so I went to the movies by myself. Sitting there I was thinking why am I putting up with this. I’m really not happy. I feel so alone.
I go to bed and send my normal good night texts. I wake up in the morning and I did not receive any texts. I decided to try calling her and all my calls were forwarded. I then check her Facebook and now see that I am blocked.
I remembered the boundaries I set and the purpose of the boundaries. The purpose was to respect myself and not be used by her again. I did not want to be hurt and abused by her again. With so many discards done in the past by her, I felt the discard was in full swing. I felt she was possibly cheating and the push back was her trying to create space to water a new infatuation. She had recently transferred to a new department within her company and was promoted and allowed to select people she wanted for her office. My gut was telling me she was talking to someone at work which would explain the recent late night hours.
I decided I needed to end the relationship. I sent her a break up text as she always ended it with me that way. Before that happened to me so many times, I never would have chosen to break up over text. But it did allow me to spell out everything I saw and what I felt. It contained my closure and reasoning in an attempt to make my own closure for myself because I knew she would not give any closure and also to hold her accountable. I ended the break up text with an open door and said if I’m wrong please explain. I will listen. Her response was “Wow you said enough.” “I’m done.” I replied “yep, I know”.
Her mother reached out and apologized and expressed regret. I told her everything. I felt vindicated. She said her and her husband thought so highly of me and hoped it would have worked. She did not know if her daughter was seeing anyone else. We have since stopped communicating but we remain friends on FB.
I credit the lack of sexual intimacy as the reason I was able to look at the relationship with sober eyes and step away when I saw the signs. The signs were abuse. They truly were. If you love a person you would never ask for space and give such a silly reason. Sex would have produced false feelings of love. I was able to look at the relationship objectively and I was actually not happy. My needs weren’t being met. I felt so drained and unseen. I didn’t feel loved. She loved the way I loved her but it wasn’t reciprocated.
I felt the need perhaps due to the trauma bond and the perceived betrayal to learn if in fact she had monkey branched in order to help me move away from her permanently.
I reached out to another family member and the ex she monkey branched to in the past. I explained the above information and I ended up not receiving any new information. Both told her I had reached out and her ex blocked me. My ex then sent me an email demanding I stop contacting her family and friends and further more she would be filing a protection order. I never received the order. My only regrets was reaching out to her family and her ex. It just gave her a reason to smear me and to tell everyone I’m nutty person.
I cant say I’m 100% hoover proof at the moment but I have started dating again. I don’t think she will come back again because I believe she feels I can’t be used anymore and furthermore I’m willing to reveal her bad deeds to her family and friends. I think she will choose to move on to a fresh target who does not know her and what she is capable of doing.

Recently found out my boyfriend started paying cam girls for one on one sessions to satisy his very specific kink.
I am feeling like paying for one on one sessions is cheating, you’re having “sex” with someone even if it is online. He said he does not see it as cheating and wouldn’t mind if I did it.
Again - with a grain of salt and hearing me out that I know this is entirely emotional immature and ridiculous of me to even say - but in my anger I just want to be like ok well I think you cheated so let me go do something that you think is cheating (he said me messaging guys IRL on Facebook would be,or meet ups IRL) and let’s see how you feel about it.
Ugh, I’m just annoyed. For context I do this specific kink with him all the time. We used to have sex every day, multiple times a day and do this together. Now he says he’s bored and needs more. Makes me feel insecure and inadequate. It makes me want to do it with him less… even though I love doing it. Just feels like it’s hard to be open and vulnerable now.
Thoughts? Lay in to me if you need to I’m totally open to new perspectives.
*edit: I am NOT actually going to cheat or anything of that nature I know that wouldn’t help or change anything. Just expressing angry and stupid thoughts to get it out

I recently was looking at facebook marketplace place for some used tools. Im not a mechanic nor an expert when it comes to cars, but i like to perform oil changes and work on my cars from time to time.
With that being said i was looking for some tools in the market place, when i came across with an ad of a lady selling a box full with tools. The pics were not clear so i decided to go where she lives and inspect the tools and box personally, since she was only a few miles away. Once i got there I noticed the tool box was made by snap on, and all the tools inside were also made by snap on, everything or almost everything was from snap on drills, wrenches, sockets and pliers. If you have some knowledge about tools, you might know snap on is very expensive. Anyway just the snap on tool box was around 5k not to mention all the tools on the box. My estimate is that the box with tools is worth around 15k all together.
Apparently she was selling it bc she caught the boyfriend-husband cheating and she was getting rid off his things. She was going thru a divorce. So she sold me the box full of tools for only $500 bucks. That was about 3 weeks ago, just yesterday she contacted me and requested, if i could sell her the tools and box back, because the husband went to pick up his things and got extremely mad when he find put she sold the tools. Even the police was called when he find out she sold the tools. Apparently she got into a huge fight with him,
Now my question is should I return the box and tools that i purchased from her or just ignore her and keep it. At this point i haven’t reply to her just yet. Being thinking about it. I am the ****** if i decide to keep them tools and box ? Or should I return them ? What would you guys do !!

I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. Until half a year ago I was engaged and had everything I never thought I would have until she decided she was no longer happy. It's been more than a few years since I was in the dating market, but things have drastically changed for me due to a horrible incident that occurred a while back. A bit of backstory, and I'll included a TlDr at the end.
Several years back there was a hobby group I used to regularly attend, and one day this woman who had only started showing up recently took an interest in me. I'd just gotten out of a pretty bad relationship a few months before that, so when she made a move on me, I took her up on it to see where things would go. I wasn't use to a woman actually making the first move, so I took it as a good sign. We saw each other for the next few weeks and in that time we had gotten physical a few times, with her making the first move on that as well. Fast forward to the end of our time together when I found out she had a boyfriend the entire time and was cheating on him with me. I broke it off with her because I didn't want to be "the other guy" to some poor sap, and she wasn't pleased with me for finding out. Her boyfriend had nearly caught her cheating, so what did she do? She threw me under the bus and told him I was "just some creep who wouldn't leave her alone". Hilarious, because I had chat logs that showed nothing but positive interactions between us and call logs showing we would spend several hours a week on the phone together. I block her on everything and move on with my life.
Fast forward several years later, I'm engaged and in a happy relationship, and a gal pal of mine DM's me to tell me she saw a post about me in a group on FB. She sent me live updates on the post as well. I guess these groups called "Are We Dating The Same Guy" popped up seemingly everywhere, and our local group had nearly 50,000 local women in it at that time. Considering I live in what's generally called a "small city", this was extremely concerning. The poster was the woman from the hobby shop, and she uploaded my full name and multiple photos of me. In the post she said that I "violently rxped" her, was a "woman beater", and called me a "dangerous predator". I felt sick to my stomach. Worse than that, at least 15 different women were commenting on the post verifying it was "all true". Only 1 woman tried to defend me, a woman I used to work with, and within minutes her comments were deleted and she was banned from the group. As for all the other women commenting, half of them were women I hadn't seen since literally high school and never spoke to because I was a quiet nerdy kid who stuck to his friends. One of them even said she had "first hand experience", but I had never even spoken one word to her in my life. The other women commenting, I didn't recognize their names or faces at all and was certain I'd never met or spoken to any of them. Comments ranged from saying things like I "stalked them home", "assaulted them at a club" (I don't drink or go to bars), and one even said that I "forcefully penetrated her" in her own home, despite not even knowing who she is.
I spent that entire day having a panic attack and was on the phone with the mental health crisis line for a good while. When I went to work the next day, female co-workers who were normally friendly and cheerful towards me looked at me with disgust or walked in the other direction when they saw me coming. I went home early that day after taking another panic attack in the bathroom. Later that night I had a missed phone call from our local police. Called back, hoping it was just a prank call, but it wasn't. An officer actually wanted to speak with me about some grave accusations that were brought to him. It turns out the hobby shop woman and other she knew collectively called in "anonymous tips" about me, but in those tips I wasn't a "violent rxpist". Instead, these tips included where I worked and told the police I was "dangerous to children". I remember nearly passing out on the phone from panicking again. Turns out the officer I was spoking to already suspected it was BS, because these groups were generating hundreds of "anonymous tips" a day for them. The investigation was closed and branded as "malicious gossip" and I never heard from the police again.
Despite that, my reputation was ruined forever. My partner at the time actually had my back and was a huge pillar of support, but I was still a wreck. I became a recluse and started going to therapy every couple of weeks. In our local group, old posts of guys are "bumped" all the time whenever a guy is found on a dating site or women remember he exists. The group has nearly doubled in size since then too. Posts aren't even about dangerous people, but I'll see posts all the time like "This guy just matched with me and hasn't messaged me yet, any tea??" and even random creep shots of guys at the gym saying things like "This guy is super cute, any tea or red flags??" I see nothing to do with "safety" and actual dangerous dudes I've known over the years haven't appeared there at all. Old classmate kidnapped and nearly beat his partner to death? No post. Dude admits to mxlesting his partners toddler? No post. Guy doesn't buy a gal a gift after a date? He's a monster and must be posted about. It was easy enough to get in there with a dummy account to make sure I wasn't caught off guard again.
---Fast forward to today. I unfortunately find myself single when I never thought I would be again. I'm still somewhat of a recluse, don't keep any photos of my name on social media, nor do I use my real name. I've disappeared as much as possible. I'm still terrified that someone there will remember I exist and post about me again, as I see happen to other men daily. Dating websites are just asking for trouble, as most posts in this group are screenshots of guys profiles. If I dare take a photo of myself and put it in a dating website, odds are very good I'd be posted and would have to suffer through the same ordeal yet again. I can't afford (nor could I back then) the several thousands of dollars to take someone to court for slandelibel, and Facebook says these posts aren't against their "community standards". Even then, that's like cutting a single head off of a hydra knowing that more will take it's place. Meeting people IRL just doesn't happen anymore and it's frowned upon to try to meet women in public settings as opposed to online dating where they can screen everyone beforehand. Online dating is no longer safe for me. How am I to ever be with someone again if OLD is off the table and I have a destroyed reputation?
**TlDr: Woman cheated on boyfriend with me several years ago and didn't like me finding out. Woman in question decides to publicly slander me to nearly 50,000 local women several years later. Slander works and my reputation has been destroyed and people think I'm some kind of monster. I delete all presence of my name and face online that I can, but now that I'm single again, I have no idea how to ever date again with OLD being off the table and having a tarnished reputation.**

Hi All,
Been here for over 5 months now.
Long story short. Wife (31F) of 5 years cheated on me (27M) with a co-worker in September - December 2023. We have 1 child together, and I have a stepson, which is her little boy from previous relationship. My daughter is 2, and her son is 7.
She cheated because she was lonely, she had shit going on and never bothered dealing with it, instead she stepped out and done something that made her feel better about herself.
We’ve both done IC, and she realised that if she was ever unhappy in a relationship, rather than voicing it, she stepped out as it was easier. She took the route of a coward, damaging me and the kids in the process.
I think she didn’t realise the consequences of her actions until the kids asked if me and her will be breaking up, which was like a stab to the heart for her.
I had a lot of TT throughout the discover, but she says it’s all out.
She cut contact immediately with AP when it came out. She quit her job immediately and now works in a woman only office, she’s been giving me her phone, all of it. She begs and cries for me not to leave her, and is showing true remorse for her actions.
The only thing that’s stopping me from fully committing to R is, do I know all the truth?, as I have this feeling that this isn’t the first time she had cheated on me. To give you some context:
While this was unraveling, somebody that she hasn’t spoke to in about 10 years apparently, sent her a message on Instagram saying “Hey, just wanted to reach out and apologise about how I treated you, I guess I’m just apologising before karma catches up”. She had shown me the message as soon as she received it, but said that it was weird as she hadn’t spoken to him in like 10 years. She wasn’t even friends with the guy on IG, and few hours later, he deleted the message along with the request and blocked her.
Then a few days ago, another of her Ex’s that used to be her old lover, from about 10 years ago again, reached out to her with a waving hand on Facebook. Again, last convo they had based on her fb messages was back in 2020, and it was just a memory she sent him of him with her cat when they were together.
When this was all happening, I’ve also seen that she spoke to another Ex back in 2021 via snap, as the chat was there, but again, she said that it was probably when she was replying to him on his story or something (then I find that all of his photos, she liked on socials in that timeframe).
We’ve been together for 5 years, and married for 1. I knew of these people as she used to tell me who her previous partners were as this was something I wanted to know when we got together.
She is so so so adamant that she didn’t cheat on me prior to this. She begs for me not to leave her, and that she’ll do anything to fix her fuckup, and that she won’t make it without me.
We have been through a lot together, we lost 2 babies, her dad was diagnosed with Cancer recently again.
I’ve been looking after myself, have put on weight, gained loads of muscle, started running, looking after my skincare, and actually started to get a lot of attention from women. I am successful, work in Cyber Security, and get paid really well.
I just can’t seem to move forward with R until I have heard every lie, but all I get told is - “you know everything, I have told you everything, there is literally nothing else for me to say”, how am I suppose to believe that? How am I suppose to believe that she didn’t cheat before?, I can’t!, too many people are popping up randomly, apologising, reaching out, why?
She says she doesn’t know why, and that she can’t control what other people do. I’m so lost, I do want to make it work with her, I really do, but I can’t without knowing that there’s nothing left to say and without knowing that I know everything.
We talked about polygraphs and stuff, but apparently they’re not reliable as apparently somebody can tell the truth and still fail and vice versa.
I don’t know what else I can tell her to reassure that whatever has happened in the past, I just need to know between us, so I can process and put it on the shelf, where it will stay, and then fully commit to making R work with her, as she’s really, really trying.
This sucks so much. I am only 27, and the things I’ve experienced in life, I wonder to myself, what did I do in my previous life to deserve all of this pain…

I have early onset COPD. I live in rural Nebraska, one of my triggers for my lungs is grain dust. I asked my wife to leave and she said no she wouldn't leave because she desires a life where ournkids grow up woth family ( S8, D7).
I learned about my COPD shortly after my son's birth and switched careers in part became of that (welder to teacher). WThe same doctor visit the doctor told me I should also look into living somewhere else due to accute allergies to grain dust and the nature of COPD. Each time I have a flair up my lungs get slightly more damaged, making the next flair up more often and more obstructive.
We lived in rural Kansas at the time. We finally moved to a different farm community in Kansas, despite my pleas to move somewhere good for me, in 21 due to her desire to go back to school. She failed out of school and we ended up having to leave our house we thought we were going to buy and ended up moving close to her sister in Nebraska. Again I asked to find somewhere else where it would be better for my lungs, but understood that we were in a dire situation and needed to find a home. We moved again in the same home and used the last of our savings to get out of our old lease and I to our new one beciae she didn't like our apartment and wanted to move into a duplex that opened up.
We are maxed out money wise, there is no hope of improvement here in that regards. She says the kids are happy because they have friends and she doesn't want to uproot them again. I am currently in the middle of a flair up... I feel like there are daggers in my chest and I asked her again if we could go and she said no... so I got angry and told her I was going wothout her . We separated, I got angry, she didn't want me and chose her familyover me. I started looking for distractions joined all kinds of Facebook pages and ended up liking a photo of another woman and commented on her eyes. My wife seen these and broke down. I went out to a bar with a friend because we never go on dates and I wanted to go out. My wife asked of I cheated, I did not. We argued back and forth, I cried for days. She doesn't think moving would help, she said she is scared we would end up homeless despite the relocation adding money to our pockets.
All of my family told me I'm being selfish, all of her family telling her I'm wrong. While I cry because all of thisnis happening because it hurts to breath and it's going to keep getting worse and now my choices are to lose my kids and try and find somewhere that isn't literally sucking the life from me or stay with a woman that I love but feel doesn't love me... or at least not enough to choose me. I asked to end the separation because I'm afraid I will end up killing myself if I have to live wothout them. Therapy hasn't helped, every argument and disagreement we have stems from this fear that she doesn't really love me that I'm just the safe choice. But I feel stuck because I will lose my whole world if I try to go for me. So I'm sitting here feeling depressed feeling like shit because my chest burns and she still gets everything she wants and I'm happy she is happy but idk how I could ever believe her when she tells me she loves me. Idk how I could ever believe her when she says I'm her world when I KNOW every chance she has had to shoot me over ANYONE else has always to make me the second option. But to leave is to leave everyone and everything and be a distance parent .

Using throwaway acoount for obvious reasons. Me(F21) am stalking my bf's(M27) ex. They dated in 2016-2019. I've been interested in her life for past 3 years. I know his ex personally. He was really close with her and they were even engaged. That ex made him do things he said he hates and never wanted to. Including cheating multiple times. I met my bf in 2018 november. Since we first met we had a spark but he was taken at the time. But still he flirted with me. So fast forward to 2021 and we actually started dating. So basically he has told me about her and i know its normal. He said he hates her and doesnt want her in any way. But for some reason i still want to be like her and stuff. I cant really tell this to anyone. Sometimes i even call myself her name. On Facebook he still has some old events tagged with her name. We all have same friendgroup. What should i do?

Me (F, 33) and husband (M, 33) have known each other for nearly 8 years, married for 4 years. We both share a son who is turning 2. Since the start of my pregnancy, we have slept on the same bed but not had sex, at all. We could count the times we had sex in one hand.
I once talked to him about it, and he told me that we either got too tired from work or he was terrified about the idea having sex while a baby was in my stomach.
Long story short, I realised recently that he often eye-balled at massage parlours with sexual services. One night, I went through his phone and realised that he even went to facebook search A parlour nearby our home. I confronted him about it and he told me that he did think of visiting one for reasons that he was very stressed out at work and couldn't find anyone to confide in. Also, he felt that I often disregarded his feelings. When I pushed further, he told me that he was checking these parlour out of curiosity.
Is he mind-fucking me? Did he already frequent them? Did he cheating on me? I am on the verge of initiating a divorce but am at a loss on what to do next. I don't want my son to live without his father at this age. What are the repercussions if we really went through a divorce?

My ex and I have dated for a year and 4 months before he cheated on me with a co-worker and we broke up. Prior to this we had Been living together.we moved in after 9 months together and I moved away to be closer to university.
I went to visit him about 2 months ago and that's when I found the chats. He apologized and said they never slept together but I proceeded to break up with him and took the rest of my stuff with me back to res. He reached out to me a couple of days later and we started talking again. I did not see us going back together but I had gotten Soo used to his calls and texts. Even though the conversations weren't as heartfelt or lengthy as before. It hurt a bit less knowing that he cared to checked up on me at least. I spoke to a friend about this and I told him I do not see a future between us. He encouraged me to cut all contact and focus on healing and moving forward if I don't want to get back with him.
The next morning the usual good morning text came from my ex and I didn't respond I just blocked him everywhere. He didn't try to reach out any other way. weeks have passed and now an email popped up and I saw it was to his email address it's from a funeral insurance company. (I know I shouldn't have went through his email) but the email talks about a claim. I don't know if they made a mistake but it read's along the lines of wanting a death certificate for him in order to proceed with a claim.. I don't know what to think.
Noone has reached out to me from his family, no posts on Facebook from his family or sister. It's been almost a 2 weeks since we last spoke. What should I do? I don't want to jump to conclusions.

So I was on this friendship app. And I met this guy who was 45 years old. I'm 23 and just move to this big city. My intention of using the app was to meet friends who could show me around the city, and that's what I put in my profile. I'm also struggling with my finances as this is the first time i've ever moved out and my parents aren't helping as much as I would like them too. So we start chatting. And he says that he is a single man who has a daughter and he is a realtor and so I look up his name and He is legit. He has been in business for over 20 years. So a few weeks go by And the conversation gets sexual. We are sending dirty pictures and dirty text messages. A few days ago before we met in person, I looked his name up on facebook and I found out that he was married with a new born baby. So I confront him asking him why he lied about it, and he said that he didn't think that I would have sex with him if I knew he was married. And I told him no, I'm not gonna have sex with you because you're married. He then goes to say that in his 15 years of marriage him and his wife had have have had sex a handful of times and that he has never cheated on his wife, but he's thinking about cheating on his wife because he just can't go without sex any longer. He says he will give me a large sum of money if I had sex with him. So I agreed. He takes me to one of the homes that he's showing and shows me around. And then we start doing the deed. About 20 minutes later I hear a door open as the door's opening, he let's out a loud moan. I hear someone say hello, "anybody in here". So we both scramble to get our clothes back on. And the lady(another realtor)comes into the room, as we're getting our clothes back on and then she leaves abruptly. As we are leaving the house, he gives me a kiss and gives me my money. I get in my car and I look up through the window and I see that the lady saw the exchange of money and the kiss. It's been a few days since that has happened and I as well as he are still shaken up about it. He says he doesn't think that the realtor that came in would say anything or do anything, but he doesn't know for sure. In essence, I'm not risking anything, but he is risking everything. Losing his 15 year marriage to a woman that he claims to love. If this gets out the worst that would happen to me is I would be exposed. But the worst that would happen to him is his entire life would essentially be ruined. He could potentially lose clients, never gain clients in the future, etc. He recently text me saying that he wants to meet again, but either at my house or a hotel. I'm not sure what I'm going to do because the money was great. It was enough to pay for my expensive rent and groceries for the next 2 weeks. He said he's willing to give me the same amount which would then go to pay for medical bills. His reasoning for giving me the money was because he knows that i'm struggling and that he's the only one really willing to help me. Well that's it... That's my confession. I guess leave in the comments what you think do you think. Do you guys think I should meet him again? Or should I just cut it off while I still can and while virtually, nobody knows....