[Let me know if a chapter a week is okay; I'm thinking it might be a bit too often. Run Zero: https://redd.it/1csb71x Run One: https://redd.it/1cwxbsg]
The mining foreman refused to go to sleep, and watched intently as Tightniks finally reached over and set it home with one hand. Its last nervous little sigh was the only thing he remembered-
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...
32s: First trap.
He built it big this time, and there are six trimps in there. They look familiar somehow, the light one with dark hair and an unusually short and broad tail compared to the rest, a big-eared green one, a grey one, a yellow one, and a red one with big paws and "XIII" on its rump, and a brown one with pink ears that takes the lead and cheers, "Kakka!" Once he lets them out, they all follow him intently around like just-hatched birds do their mother. He shows them the busted off cockpit and forward cabin of the ship he just crashed and they get inside and start da- ...nope, sticking with "dancing". He busies himself looking for the survival pad.
Until he hears the squeak of a baby trimp. They're feeding it- ...rocks. Carefully selected, aluminate rocks. What the heck are they doing? Whatever, I've got to get some conventional food for- What's that? He's got the survival pad already, but this was outside the ship, it must have materialized when he descended through that glowing grey mist getting out. He gets it flipped over and turned on.
"Manual portal activation 2 successful:" it displays, "rare shield equipped 54%Stg 14%Atk MT 0 Nu loaded / 399 He loaded / Metal challenge active / Total portal activation 956"
Metal challenge? The human selects it.
"You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to bring you to an alternate reality, where the concept of Miners does not exist, to force yourself to become frugal with equipment crafting strategies. If you complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling the challenge, miners will re-unlock."
He's so confused, What the Loy is a Dimension of Anger? I think I have a headache from this high gravity. Sits down for a moment.
Notices that one of the trimps is sleeping in a small deep hole just at the edge of the garden, apparently to have a nap in standing upright.
I don't believe you, "portal". I'm training that one first chance I get!
56s: Pop full.
There are ten of them already?? I'm still working this derpy little potato patch to get enough food to bulk up just ONE of the- He looks at the portal pad and blurts out loud, "Fifty-six SECONDS??" He postulates that he's in a time-dilated environment, and that the portal is measuring time somewhere "out there", this "map frame" environment. It's like those Star Trek episodes he can't remember "Wink of an Eye" and "Blink of an Eye" that he can't quite remember. [One of them is Star Trek TOS, and one of them is Star Trek: Voyager and I forget which one came from where.]
1m57s: Arable in Z1c13.
The human walks along and one of the trimps viciously fights the various hostiles that try to come at him, staying ahead. Just behind, he finds that hole-digger busted into a cave big enough for 9 of them, and they start raising babies to fill it up.
3m37s: Miners in Z1c30.
It's broken! he notices of the data card he just picked up. It's one of the ones that flew out of the ship when he undogged the ship's side hatch, but it didn't survive. What was on it? He's got a vague memory of a big tanuki-tailed trimp, much bigger than the- Wait! This memory is of hole-digger all grown up. So this is- he looks at the smashed data card in his hand, ...this is the Miners card. At least there's some lying about so we're not totally deprived of metal.
That's odd. I'm sure I spent longer training this little guy than "one second map frame." The human looks at the black trimp with the grey head fur and silvery eyes, "So, can you say something yet?"
"Shijou." [Takane and Takanya are not black, it is their favorite clothing color.]
"Okay, can you say something else?"
9m12s: Zone 1, 40 pop, 3.5s RC with Z0/1, 13m19s turkimp. 12m55s: First scientist.
"Tai," his first scientist waves at him.
"Hmm," the human tries to think of a better test, "What color is the sky?"
"Shijou." The exasperated human is about to sigh in despair when he notices a card in its hands, with one word on it, "Blue."
"What?" he takes it, "You can't speak but you can write, huh?"
"Shijou," it twirls its paw off the end of the card in his hand. The human turns it over, and in small writing, it has "Technically, the sky isn't blue, it's a foible of Rayleigh scattering in an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere. And you have 'TIGHTNIKS' embroidered on the left side of your uniform."
A look of astonishment sweeps over the human. I never taught it about Rayleigh scattering. Apparently, the scientist training has unlocked its brain to access the collected knowledge of a previous life! Then he looks at his uniform and groans, spanking his eyebrows in realization. The trimp had apparently noticed him wandering around the camp wracking his brain and talking to himself trying to remember his own name, and it's right there the whole time! He spanks his eyebrows again.
The very well fed grey-headed trimp starts doing experiments, leaving him to take the turkimp back to his farmers. Too bad it's only a quarter as fast at it as he is.
32m25s: Zone 3, 79 pop, 4.5s RC with Z1/2; c16, 79 pop, 6.8s RC with Z2/3.
"Nano! Nano, nano, nano." The D&B (that's dodge and block) foreman has an impressive yellow mane, light face, green body, and brown hind limbs, and moves like a blur when it decides to. When asleep, it's as unarousable as an exhumed fossil, except with the food article Yellow the scientist calls an "owny geary". [Puchim@s Afuu]
Helping it out is a brown-maned white trenching expert Tightniks finds oddly familiar. It has no problem mining, but couldn't start a fire if its life depended on it, so smelting is out of the question.
I guess that's how the Metal challenge really works. Too bad I suck at it. Tightniks is spending all his smelting time smacking out nails and joist hangers for the houses, and has nothing left for fighting gear.
1h53m25s: Zone 9, 306 pop, 7.9s RC with Z8/15, no turkimp.
The white trimp with the brown head fur- ...whichever one it is because it, or one that looks just like it, sometimes (apparently) burns itself up or blows itself up trying to build a metallurgical furnace. This one is digging a hole right now, into the concrete of some ruined building's foundation. It hits some strapping and rebar, makes a happy sound, follows it along and gets it sorta clear of the concrete bonded to it, and rips it out of the ground to throw on the metal pile. It now seems content to do that instead of trying to smelt ores.
"Red?" Tightniks glances at one of his scientists, "Do you think we could take it to- What's that place you said you visited five hundred years after some misty fight or-"
"Cloudy strife," it says, "Yeah, Midgimp is like that, we could probably map a route through there. Lots of metal. Especially the part that had an avalanche happen and fell down. Broke all that stuff out of the ground already." [Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children cinematic and Sector 7 collapse.]
"Okay," Tightniks says, "Let's do that."
5h32m02s: Zone 21, 2042 pop, 14.9s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from-" he gasps, "Waitamint!" He starts searching for the portal pad.
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
The human has his portal pad up and reads aloud, "You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to- yada yada yada. Tiss tiss t- complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling- miners will re-unlock."
\BOOM\** They turn to see (another of) the white brown-haired trimp'/s' attempts at a metallurgical furnace explode, and it seems both very frustrated and has really hurt its toe.
He snaps his fingers, "That's gotta be it. Although, does it mean 'miners' or 'furnaces'?" He re-reads the portal pad while the scientists shrug.
"Shijou," the grey one has just finished tracing the route map the gem was showing.
"Are we going any faster than on previous cycles, you think?" he asks Red.
"What's a cycle?" Red asks.
"We're stuck in time loop, you realize?" the human says.
"Well," the yellow one jumps off a little rock spire it was using to see farther ahead, directly into a seated position on the ground with an impressive thump the human can both hear with his ears and feel through the ground of the more-than-Earth gravity planet, "that explains a few things." The little scientist trimp seems quite morose at the news.
"This thing says the fastest we've ever got this 'anger' map done is ten hours, thirty-five, but the clock right now is at five hours, thirty-four." Tightniks tilts his head, frowns one eyebrow, and taps, "Getting it done faster increases attack damage somehow, and oh-"
"What now?" the yellow one asks, still seated beside the spire.
"It says we already got a 2.5%-er for having a million traps," the human says, "I don't remember doing that. Maybe..." he sighs, "Maybe that's a good thing, 'cus I'd probably go insane building them all. Still though, it says we're going faster, but it doesn't feel like it."
"How'd you know how it feels," Red asks, "if you don't remember it?"
"'Day jaw voo' I think is the term," the human says, "or something. The sense that all this has happened before, but I'm not quite remembering and there's no physical evidence of it."
"Shijooooooooooo..." the grey one moans, waving a card at him. On it:
"In order, but we don't know if that means chronological order or frequency/proportion of memories:
"- The ship crashes (pretty sure that happens every time) "- The human builds huts "- The human teaches some trimps to speak and do science "- The human builds houses "- The human makes maps "- The human builds mansions "- The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp "- The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels "- The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp "- The human only recently/rarely mapped the Dimension of Anger"
Tightniks sits down and offers it back.
"Tai," it flatly refuses to take it back, paws up and eyes closed.
"It's kind of a relief," Tightniks rubs his temples, then looks at it again, "knowing it ain't just me."
6h17m43s: Portal PB, 1% AP for sub-8h, 45 He, 7.149 He/hr, 2209 pop, 13.6s RC.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' dagger points goes into it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Yellow, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Dagger V, Mark 2 with both hands-
Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, the pilot turns on the radar for the final approach and takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and primary flight display...
He crouches, sets the dagger down gently, then starts clearing the debris from the box's grab iron. He tries to lift it- Damn, this is heavy! As he gets it turned over, gravity finishes the job, and it shakes the ground with an impressive thud as it falls right side up.
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE UP" There's a square cutout in the middle of one side of it, with a sliding cover at the bottom of it.
"Get the pad!" he screams, seeing that his scientists are almost done rolling up the megablimp.
The grey one already has the survival data pad and offers it to him.
"The big one," Tightniks clarifies, "The big one." he picks up wide flat rainbow cable and its edge socket in one hand, "It goes here," he points at it with the other. "It must have come with me-" He had taken the small survival data pad and notices something, "Oh?" He starts looking around, "Hey!"
The white trimp with the brown hair is napping in a hole next to the smouldering remains of its latest attempt at a smelting furnace.
"Hey, mining buddy!" he whistles at it, "Mining buddy!"
It wakes with a start and rushes over, but doesn't seem to be in a good mood. But as soon as Tightnik shows it the survival pad, with all of the mining data installed just as if all those broken data cards and scorched scrolls were intact when he found them, fireworks goes off in the little trimp's eyes and it rushes off with the pad. Within minutes, the first furnace that works is chugging away at some ore and it returns to give the survival data pad back to Tightniks.
7h24m49s: Fresh turkimp; 7h25m30s: Labor reallocated.
The big-eared green lumber foreman's mood fell much further than the mining foreman's mood was before Tightniks packed up the turkimp roaster and moved just about everyone over to the smeltery.
The brown-haired, big-tailed white mining foreman was surprised at the change, and very happy. It had climbed up onto the helium compressor cart to check something on the pad a couple cells into the zone.
"Are you upset with me?" the red one asks the human.
"No, not at all," Tightniks says, "Are you getting the feeling that we had an upset at this point last cycle?"
"How would you know it was only the last?" Yellow asks, "Your memory's no better than ours."
"Right," the human sews another patch into his uniform, "However, I've only actually hit the switch on the portal twice, the first one on a challenge called Discipline, and the second on a challenge called Metal, which we just finished. It's easy to sort out from the statistics. I'm nervous it'll get harder to sort out when we're up to, oh," done fixing his uniform, he pops a bit of turkimp into his mouth and chews a couple times, "a few dozen or hundred manual cycles."
"Friggin' solve this faster than that, please," Red grumbles, "I know the emergency counter got to nearly a thousand, but..." he kinda trails off. Finally, he says, "I think we're remembering more cycle to cycle as we get more helium into it. I mean, I'm glad that isn't the only mechanic."
"Can't miss the supernova if it is," the human ponders.
"What?" Yellow chuckles.
"I'm remembering something from before all this, I think it was called a video game, where you'd go forward real-world in the simulation of a time loop, and your real-life head remembering what you did on previous cycles was the only mechanic," the human takes another bite, then dons his uniform shirt while chewing it. After his head pops out of the not-so-crisp-and-fresh uniform neck hole, buttons still done up, he finishes, "one of them had a supernova." [That would be Outer Wilds among the bunch of games with this mechanic, er, Minnit (I know it's spelled differently than "minute"), 12 Minutes, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and- ...I'm sure there are more.]
11h19m28s: Starting void 1 (L30).
With the thermal gloves on, Tightniks gets the void map into the portal device slot. It dematerializes and his fingers close where it used to be in his hands, then he yelps, stands up and starts dancing, "Oh crap, it's cold!" He quickly starts looking for stuff to bundle up. Once not too uncomfortable, he notices something, "You're having trouble, too?"
"No," Yellow and Red look at each other, "Well, not with the cold; this route has a poisonous atmosphere, slows down our young assimilating aluminum at the proper rate."
"Manning the traps will work at full speed, right?" Tightniks says.
"Should if your fingers can handle it," Red confirms.
11h33m57s: Void 1c100.
"You are one ugly muthaf[garble]!" he says when he sees the void boss, "Stay here, I'll be back." Runs some traps, grabs a couple helmets for the fresh volunteers, "Put these on."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the red one, really rather perplexed.
"I agree, that's not his usual accent," Red tilts his head, "Tightniks, what has gotten in to you?"
"Stop cheering me up," the human grumbles, "You think this is the real Quaid?"
"I think the cold is affecting him more than he realizes," Yellow offers.
"Phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range," but what the dizzy pilot actually throws at the zone boss is a Mace V-4, "and then I was thinking of breaking your neck."
[Felt like some- "Arnie? Well, the union is pulling out all the big guns today, huh?" (Tom Hanks as Sully) ...no, brain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, not Arnie Gentile (it was really funny to background Sully and listen to that line instead of "That's definitely you" in Terminator 2 while he's posing with the Minigun.) Arnie lines from Predator, Terminator 2, True Lies, Total Recall and The Terminator.]
"Tweak the portal," reads Tightniks from the portal controller aloud, but quietly, "to bring you to an alternate reality, where Trimps are bigger and stronger, to force yourself to figure out a way to build larger housing. Your Trimps will gather 50% more resources, but your housing will fit 50% fewer Trimps. If you complete The Dimension of Anger without disabling the challenge, your stats will return to normal."
"You will also open a new memory coolant unit," Yellow reads, "You think that'll cause a housing bonus?"
"Shijou," the grey one hands him a card saying "We have enough for another gateway."
"Oh, good," Tightniks hands it back after signing it, "Yes, build it."
"We're doing that next?" Yellow asks.
Tightniks sees the little fellow sitting on top of a mound that the human thought was a bowel movement pile from Draglimp, but it must be something more geological if trimps can climb it, let alone want to. "Yeah, I guess," the human answers, "It kinda scares me, I mean I'm going back, but what happens to you guys?"
"We have too much day javo or whatever you called it," Red says. He's usually on all fours, shakes his left hind leg as though something got stuck to his foot, "This isn't incrementing, I'm sure. 13 is less than 956."
"According to this, you'll be twice as big," Tightniks sets down the portal controller pad and stands up from the cart, "It's hard to imagine, especially for Shijou and Diggy. We'll clear thirty-six, that's it."
14h04m37s: Z33c95, IC.
"Are you sure we can make Zone 37 start?" the red one asks.
The yellow one is standing on Red's shoulders.
"It said we did last time," Tightniks taps on the crude leather bag strapped to his back, the portal pad inside it, "though maybe..." he tilts his head, rolls whatever he was sucking on in his mouth for a moment, "it just happened while I was building those traps. No, I'm sticking with that plan."
"If it's going to take that long," Red grinds its jaws sideways for a moment and lets its eyelids get lazy, frustration clear in its tone, "why do it again?"
"Because I've got a bad feeling about this 'Size' thing," Tightniks says, "it drops our resourcing by 75% assuming we build the same amount of housing as before, which we won't because of the reduced resourcing. We needed 65 capacity in the cabin and huts before we could do run the gypsum/paper wall machine we found. I have a funny feeling that never changes."
"We don't need 65 trimps to run it," Yellow says, "just three."
"Yeah," Tightniks says, "but a particular three that know what they're doing, and my day javoo is telling me the last of those is always the sixty-fifth."
"Shijou," the grey one moans from the other side of Tightniks. Didn't have a note this time, just kicking a little rock along as it walks.
"It thinks you're right," the red one growls forlornly, "Hating to say it, but I do too."
14h16m06s: Skel in c1, 50 bones purchased whipimp.
There's a thump at the cart, and then some commotion around it that's noticable enough for Tightniks to come over and take a look. The bone box is empty, all forty-nine titanium bones in it are gone. Tightiks brings his right hand up in front of him, and it's just a balled fist, the bone he was holding a moment ago is gone. As he starts looking for where he must have dropped it, he realizes maybe it's all related. Looking in the bottom of the empty bone box, he finds a note.
"I got you the whipimp. This new Bad Guy will begin spawning in your next zone at an average of 3 spawns per 100 enemies. I hope it helps, but I can't tell yet."
The note is in Tightniks' own handwriting, although lazy but with more consistent kerning. Is this from an older version of myself? Friggin' time travel.
14h18m48s: This L34 moun 160/27/79 calls itself "Magical Mountain" - I can't remember whether the Disney trademark is that or "Magic Mountain" ...I've seen a "Black Mesa" before, that's a Half-Life thing, and somebody on Reddit made pretend that "Dank Hill" was a King of the Hill thing (which is actually *Hank Hill, I think - it's hard to remember, it wasn't very good and I haven't watched it since the 1990s.)
19h32m00s: Doom/AT, 12816 pop, 80N, 37.7s RC with Z34/5298.
"Okay, we got that friggin' thing chocked," Yellow wipes its brow and almost bonks itself with the Mace VI-2 that it's holding, puts it down and makes sure the wedges are secure.
Grey, Red, and Green are packing more stuff around the huge boulder that chased them down a tunnel to make sure it doesn't do that again.
"Getting any day javoo?" Tightniks pants, hands on his knees, but apparently uninjured, or nearly so.
"Not at all," Yellow vehemently responds, slashing the air with its paw, "You?"
"Oh," Tightniks gets his breathing under control, "I think it was a human movie."
"Like a video on that pad?" it gestures at the human's pocket with the small one.
"No, a bigger screen," the human says.
"Fifty-five inches?" the trimp scientist chuckles.
"More like fifty-five feet," the human rubs the sweat out of his eyes, "Lots of people watching. It was called a sin."
"Ah," the trimp ponders, "Like a crime, vice, psychopathy or bad habit?"
"Er..." the human taps his forehead trying to remember, "Sorry, a cinema."
[The whole thing is obviously an homage to something I remember only slightly better than Tightniks, I think it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. As I'm posting this, I sadly realize that Nick Rekieta's arrest was between when I wrote this and now.]
19h58m55s: Zone 37, 473 He, 23.67 He/hr, 13088 pop, 81N, 32.1s RC with Z34/5298, 2806 pop short, no turkimp.
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

(I’m pretty pissed rn so i’m just blabbering and not sure if it will make sense). I (20f) met my friend group that consists of 5. I’ll be giving fake names, Danny, Ivan, Ivory and Daisy. I met them in my second semester of university. This particular “friend” Daisy specifically in the friend group stood out the most since she was the first one I became friends with and got along right away. We started hanging out more with the rest of the group 3rd semester (2nd year fall semester). At that time I was dating my boyfriend (still am) who is abroad right now, so I haven’t seen him for a while. They were aware about him and at that time I was already dealing with a sh*tty roommate, so I was hanging out their dorm constantly. But once 3rd semester came around then we started spending Fridays and Saturdays at Daisy’s dorm. Keep in mind my dorm was a 25 min walk and near a forest and I would get home usually around 12am. Those days we chose to hang out we got high together and it became our norm. Somewhere in late September and Early October I started having really serious issues with my boyfriend and he honestly wasn’t treating me well at that time and I told my friends, because he brought up the plan of marriage and I was hesitant when the group asked me if I really wanted to marry him. Late October I was telling Daisy about it and she told me its best to break things off with him and how she did the same with her ex boyfriend because he was bad for her, and I’m pretty sure she says she misses him (but yeah I kinda forgot). I really didn’t want to breakup with him but I knew I needed to cut him off, so I got home at midnight and called him and broke up with him and instantly regret it. I was already dealing with so much other shit and I almost una****d my self after. But plans didn’t work so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ll get to the point I promise.) Late December I got news that a contract i signed over a year ago with a friend whose father owned a business offered me a job meaning I was going to move to another country. ( I ended up changing the contact for a later year) I would be super close to my boyfriend and I was pretty hesitant since so much had changed and I called my boyfriend who was my ex at that time and told him everything and we talked for a while. Long story short we missed each other a lot and we acknowledged that we both did terrible stuff but in the end if we worked it out together then our relationship could work. We set boundaries and rules for us to follow and we are currently together and I’m really happy right now. I didn’t tell my friends about me getting back with him because I knew they would be upset which I understand. I told Ivory first in late March and I asked for her to be understanding that he changed and she was upset but told me that she’ll always support me and be there for me which I needed to hear. Daisy didn’t find out until 2 weeks before my birthday and Daisy was super pissed at me and ever since she was cold and rude, ending all the convos with the gc that replied to me with periods. Since January I’ve noticed that Daisy would be pretty rude and only think about herself mainly and not the rest of us. There would be some days where I would ask if we can hang out at my place instead and I would always hear the same thing how my place was too far and that it’ll be late when they leave which did annoy me a lot since that was exactly how I went home. I walked back home a lot at midnight, ALONE and high. The 2 times they had came over they all left as a group since Daisy, Ivan and Danny lived in the same building and they would drop off Ivory on the way, while I was the only one who lived the furthest. When we would hang out at Daisy’s place she would ask what we wanted to watch we give ideas and would usually 85% of the time say no to our suggestions and pick the movies she wanted to watch instead. None of us have cars so we rented zipcars and I noticed a while after that when it was only convenient for her and when she was the one who needed groceries then she would text us like the day before or the day and sometimes an hour or so before of whenever she needed to run errands and when we weren’t able too then she would get mad. But when it came to us asking if we can go then she didn’t want too or was low on money which that one i understand. She would get pissed or annoyed a lot at Ivory for being herself sometimes, which honestly imo it pissed me off so much for the way how Daisy was with her. I slowly started distancing myself from the group for a while since I had my own shit going on and I was getting overwhelmed with it. My breaking point was when 2 weeks before my birthday Daisy found out about my boyfriend and went radio silent with me and was ignoring me in the gc and I remember her reposting posts on insta that were targeting me. I sound selfish but I was really looking forward to my birthday, but a week before my birthday I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and I was 12 hours away from her and I was an emotional wreck because I was just hearing she was dying. I didn’t tell my friends about it. I was FaceTiming my boyfriend and crying to him because I felt so alone and needed someone, but I figured celebrating with my friends would kind of help distract me. Since a lot of uni students were doing “peacefully protests”, my campus was shut down and there were many cops on campus and we werent allowed back on campus or else we would get arrested or idk. But the day before my birthday Ivory texted me saying (copied and pasted) “Daisy and Netty would have to walk across campus for it and I asked if there was a way to cancel it still and Dulce said yeah and I was like I don’t want yall to get arrested and then Dulce is being weird and was like “then we’ll cancel it problem solved” and long story short the car has been cancelled”. The plan was that we were going to rent a zipcar and get jack in the box and dutch and then head over to Daisy’s dorm (which i didn’t want and asked if we can maybe do it at my place) and just hang out. But I really didn’t feel like walking 30 minutes back to my dorm (since I couldn’t walk through campus and had to go around). But I’m not sure it just got confusing and in the end everything was canceled and being sad was an understatement. I was really sad about it because it would be my first birthday party with a group of friends who I thought were my actual friends. The day of my birthday and got myself a tiny cake and celebrated by myself in my dorm. Ever since my “amazing” birthday I was just depressed and figured it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. ( I had other problems with my life besides them.) Right before school ended i texted the gc that I was leaving and never coming back and I miss Ivory because she was a really good friend and I miss her a lot.. can’t say much about Daisy because today I posted an instagram story note saying “(uni name) is is greedy and mean just like em. glad im gone” i got sent a letter saying how the school was asking me to pay the remaining medical bill which was like 144$ and idk it just reminded me of the many rude people i came across on my campus. I wasn’t directing it at her until she posted her own insta note and it said “ that’s so crazy, not my fault your delusional” which i know was directed at me. I want to text her and call her out for her the stuff she had done and tell her to grow up. But I’m not sure if I should just block her and move on. I kind of need closure and advice on how to handle the situation.

How long is the whole counselling process? I have to give BITSAT and comedk is my back-up option & since the counselling process has already started I want to know when do they release round 1/2/3 seat allotment results. Suppose I get a seat allotted in comedk and get a good score in BITSAT so will I not be able to drop it(seat)?
Also, the total fee under reject & upgrade is very confusing, am I supposed to pay the total fee both the college (accepted & rejected)??
https://preview.redd.it/qkvjwbz0ia3d1.png?width=1202&format=png&auto=webp&s=25bf039b42115bb9bbd2ec9c1b59d651f39f8f8f

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

Must be an intermittent bug. It is fixed now after a couple of refresh.
Hi, I am currently in contact with my Professors to check whether they have received an email from csc.edu.cn.
Long story short, to anticipate if CSC are trying to verify the reference letter authenticity, since I got an info from my university that the 1st nomination is done and now we are at 2nd nomination, so I was wondering why my CSC application is still In Progress.
So, I checked on my CSC application. My intention was to download the reference letter submitted to cross check the contact information written on the email.
However, the Supporting Documents keeps showing empty list. I have tried to use VPN in Singapore. The result is the same.
Does anyone here on the same boat?

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

So what happens if the judge says no?
I relocated back to home state for child to establish relationship with coparent.
I can't find a job here, why I left initially. Back to square one.
Our state requires mediation before modification I guess, so attempted discussion and signature to agree to go, refused. Attempting to serve now, but the timeline is starting to make me nervous.
I have a signed offer letter with start date and house paid for in another state in 45 days (literally the length of the intent to relocate here, but I had to wait for the offer letter to file and the house was just luck to find so fast). Coparent openly admits that every part of this will be made difficult for me, so I anticipate not having a response in a timely manner. The timeline would effectively make it impossible to follow current parenting plan, thus the filings of mediation.
How do people relocate for work and have children?! I thought that was a totally appropriate amount of time to be given to relocate on the employers behalf, but it seems like I may need more time now and worry about losing the job.
My initial proposed plan was to give coparent majority of parenting time as child would like to stay at current school and near family (continuing to establish this relationship), which likely will be taken into account at this age, but also because our first time with this took years in court, I don't have that in me this time. Giving myself summers and school breaks but keeping joint-legal as close to as possible as I'm not trying to exit my childs life.
So if the judge says no, or I have to move before coparent responds/any of this even gets anywhere, what happens?
I read that the judge can enter basically the plan I am already proposing.

Last week, when I was on a very rare vacation from saving guys from lives of loneliness, someone posted a question asking if AFA is a scam.
I am just going to answer it here, because my answer is long and detailed.
Romance Is HARD!
First, the dating industry is simply impossible, because it is trying to help people, often deeply flawed people, find love. This is the most personal, most private, and most deeply emotional journey in someone's life and it is a challenging journey for everyone. Most first dates don't lead to second dates and most second dates don't lead to people becoming a couple, and most couples do not get married, and over 40% of American couples are not married ten years later.
But if at any point in this chain an AFA client ends up angry and disappointed - including decades later - he very well might rage that AFA is a scam.
And the Romance Industry Is HARDER Than Regular Romance!
AFA is not just an electronic introduction app like Tinder or other dating apps. They actually introduces thousands of men and women in person every single year.
They employee dozens of matchmakers and have scores of affiliated dating agencies in Ukraine, Thailand, Colombia, and roughly a dozen other countries. That is complicated. They have something like 30k women in the database. That is a huge logistical challenge.
In fact, if you really think about it is amazing how successful they have been.
But lets look closer at the overwhelming proof they are not a scam:
AFA Has Been In Business Almost Thirty Years.
If they were a scam they would have been sued out of existence long ago. They are based in Phoenix. They are not some mysterious site with an office in Malta. They can be sued or even prosecuted under US law.
AFA Is Almost The Only American International Matchmaker Left In Business
IMBRA has a whole slew of requirements, including inspections by the US State Department, and most other matchmakers either collapsed under the pressure or moved off-shore. AFA didn't. That alone speaks volumes for their integrity.
AFA Has Introduced Tens of Thousands of Happy Couples.
Take a look at the testimonials. They have hundreds of testimonials and on this sub they have numerous defenders who actually have used their service.
AFA Has Been Relentlessly Investigated By the Media Over and Over
Reporters love breaking big stories of crime, corruption and scandal. Most of the journalists who have looked at AFA over the last thirty years have thought they were going to break a big story because of the urban legends about international dating. But take a look at their media page. It is almost universally positive, and if its really a scam all of these people have to be in on it too.
AFA Has Been Studied By Academics In More Detail Than Any Dating Company
But my favorite source on AFA are the numerous academics who have studied them - often for years on end - over the years. These scholars were often certain they were going to uncover a worldwide criminal conspiracy. Instead, most of them become openly supportive.
You can read an entire article about academic research on international dating,but here is the conclusion of Dr. Julia Meszaros after studying the company for several years, attending numerous socials, and interviewing scores of participants. She wrote: “…AFA is a completely legal, legitimate marriage introduction agency....”
Are they all in on the scam? Well, I can assure you if they had discovered it was a worldwide criminal conspiracy they would have gotten tenure faster and sold more books.
Joking aside, the academics are in the best position to determine what AFA's operations and motives are, because they are intelligent, driven, and often spend years studying the company.
AFA Is NOT Perfect
AFA has problems. Their letter system is loaded with issues, but it also allows men to contact women they could never meet otherwise. I have discussed these issues in scores of posts.
And, unlike any of the large dating apps, AFA does vet its women. That is incredibly rare, because most dating apps are loaded with fake profiles and bots.
A few years ago Ashley Madison's female profiles were over 99% fake, and most studies find at least 10% of profiles on the big domestic apps are fake. The owner of one small app, Findmate, who spends a lot of time vetting profiles claims about 75-80% of profiles he receives from the main international dating countries are from sophisticated scammer gangs.
So, AFA does try to vet everyone, but it cannot see into a woman's heart. Yes, she could just lie to them throughout the process about her intentions, and guess what? Even the CIA and MI-5 have failed to catch every bad apple and they really vet their applicants. Some liars get through. That's life.
Evaluate The Evidence Yourself
I purposely leave up posts, because Reddit is FULL of power crazy mods who delete everyone who disagrees with them and bans many users regularly. I have been banned many times and I find it incredibly annoying, so I almost never ban anyone and rarely remove comments.
I am trying to encourage guys to do their own research and decide for themselves what is best. So, take a look at the evidence and decide for yourself what you believe is the best approach.
Best Wishes!

I know you're not going to text me back and I don't blame you. It took me years to process how we ended and how I fucked up. Writing a letter to you, which admittedly is an apology, was one of the hardest things I've done. I never even wanted to send it in the first place because I didn't want to disrupt your life or trigger you in any way. But someone on Reddit commented that this is the apology that many others would have wanted but never got, so how can I not?
While I am relieved that I finally reached out, I know that I can't expect anything in return. But a part of me still wants to hear from you -- How are you doing? How's your family? How's your heart? I have no intentions of trying to get back with you or work my way back to your life. I just want to know that you're okay. I just want to see you win. I just want to see you thrive. I just want to see you bloom.
This probably won't mean anything to you (at least anymore), but you were a big part of my character development. The worst mistake I made was hurting you but please know that I've worked on my mind and I've worked on my heart. I owe this to you and I owe this to myself. I will always wish you the best, I'm sending love your way, and I'll forever be grateful for you.

I just found out I'm ineligible for financial aid next year because I didn't complete a certain percentage of my attempted credits. I dropped around 4 classes with a W and I retook one with a grade of X. I don't have any excuses, and I was too reckless in scheduling classes. I'm currently writing my appeal letter, and was wondering if taking a summer class at IU could increase my completed credit percentage from a 65% to above a 67%. If the appeal decision is cancelled, I'm planning on taking some math and gen-ed courses at Ivy Tech.

TL;DR: is “My Tears Ricochet” a letter from Taylor AND the Gaylors to Taylor™️?
I am a baby Gaylor (but all in and full fledged) and this is my first genuine post to this community. Please forgive me if this has been done before!
Throughout the rollout and processing of TTPD, I was inclined to go back through Folkmore. As a pansexual who was in a closet surrounded by fundamentalists on all sides for much of life, I CANNOT believe these albums are just “fictional stories”. There are a lot of songs on both albums that seem to back this theory up (IMO), but the lyrics that I really wanted to focus on are those of “My Tears Ricochet.”
“We gather here, we line up weeping in a sunlit room” - This is, at face value, the obvious imagery of a funeral. I believe this is the funeral of real Taylor being laid to rest by Taylor™️ after the failed coming out of 2019.
“And if I’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too”

 - Real Taylor is telling Taylor™️ that, even she stays in the closet forever, it will always affect Taylor™️ since they’re always going to be interwoven together by the very nature of humanity. 

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe All the hell you gave me Because I loved you, I swear I loved you Until my dying day”
“I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”

 - To me, this really sounds like real Taylor admitting that she’s allowed herself to be seen minimally and couldn’t be completely silenced because that is her TRUE self. She can’t “gracefully” keep her true, queer self completely quiet. 

“And you’re the hero flying around saving face”

 - I think the ‘hero’ is Taylor™️ (and possibly a layered reference to Tree) and all the PR damage control after all the various scandals (Kissgate, all the bearding/PR relationships that were ultra flimsy, etcetera) to keep the public eye from speculating TOO MUCH (except for Gaylors, of course lol) 

“And if I’m dead to you why are you at the wake?”

 - Real Taylor here is referring to the 2019 failed coming out as her “death” and Taylor™️ still being at the funeral for real Taylor could symbolize all the queer flagging she continues to ramp up for us to see, even after the failed coming out. 

“Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, look at how my tears ricochet”

 - I think this is real Taylor expressing regret and disappointment that she didn’t go through with coming out in 2019 anyway, despite the masters fiasco. The decision to use the word “ricochet” seems very intentional to me, as we know our girlie likes to be meticulous. The actual definition is that of a projectile object striking a surface and bouncing off of it to land on a different surface (paraphrasing). I think she’s referring to the pain of not being able to come out being shared and felt by all the Gaylors/fans that were let down by the failed event of 2019. She’s acknowledging that other people beside her were hurt by it and making sure Taylor™️ and the team know that. 

“We gather stones, never knowing what they’ll mean; some to throw, some to make a diamond ring”

 - I think the stones represent all of her Easter eggs. The “stones to throw” would be all of the red herrings and the stones to “make a diamond ring” would represent all of her flagging for those she knows understand them. 

“You know I didn’t want to have to haunt you but what a ghostly scene”

 - Real Taylor musing that she wouldn’t be still dropping all the clues and eggs from Taylor™️ for her supportive Gaylors if she had been able to come out in 2019. 

“You wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me”

 - I think the jewels represent all of the new fans and exposure that Taylor™️ received during her public allyship through the rollout of Lover leading up the failed coming out. Taylor™️ has been able to keep most, if not all, of those things - even after the failed coming out. 

“I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace because when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave And if I am dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet”
“And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home”

 - Real Taylor is alive and well in the hearts and minds of the Gaylors and she knows that, but “home” could represent the merging of her true identity with the brand, bringing congruency to her existence. In this case, it’s the one thing that hasn’t been able to happen. 

“And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones”

 - No matter how much Taylor™️ has tried to shut out real Taylor, real Taylor cannot be completely silenced because it is her true identity. 

“And I still talk to you, when I’m screaming at the sky And when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies”

 - To me, this seems like a direct reference to the stolen masters. The phrase “stolen lullabies” feels so specific and that event is what is largely speculated to be what derailed her coming out. 

“I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace So the battleships will sink beneath the waves”

 - This is not the only time that Taylor refers to “ships beneath waves”. I can specifically reference the intro to “Gold Rush” where she mentions “hearts are sinking ships”. I would love it if someone else had some references from other lyrics or if there’s any other lore out there already regarding “ships” that I’m missing, but it stood out to me for sure. 

“You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same”

 - Even though Taylor™️ determined it was better for the brand to cancel the coming out, this could still be the pain of loss that Taylor feels for the missed out trajectory that WOULD have been Taylor™️ following Karma and the coming out. 

“Cursing my name, wishing I’d stayed You turned into your worst fears”

 - Taylor regretting that she stayed in the closet, likely realizing she compromised on something so precious to her. 

“And you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years”

 - This is a pretty good reach here (🤡) but I can’t get out of my head that this could even reference the long-suspected drunken liking-spree she went on after Kissgate, was either forced to undo all of that the next day (or came to her closeted senses 😫) and felt like she was “crossing out the good years” that she could be enjoying the full freedom of being her full self in the open during the prime of her life. 

“Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet”
Phew…. That was a doozy. Thanks for hanging in there! 🤡

TLDR:
Turkish Airlines dicked me around for four years to get a $390 refund from a cancelled flight, and has finally closed that door, telling me the voucher has expired. Can I do anything, or should I just give up?
Turkish Airlines cancelled my Lahore - Berlin flight in April 2020 because of the pandemic, and offered a refund. I immediately tried to fill out the online paperwork to get the refund, but received the message that refunds were on hold for a few months. When I tried again a few months later, I was told that since my credit card had expired in the process, I'd need a letter from my bank stating that this was indeed my account, and stating my new account information.
At this point, I was overwhelmed and low key traumatized (I'd gotten stuck in Lahore, had to take a $3000 evacuation flight and move back to Canada where I have citizenship, rather than returning to Berlin where I was living). I tried to produce this letter but it was absurd because obviously my Canadian bank is not going to print a document stating my full credit card number alongside my name. Finally Turkish Airlines told me that I needed to go to an in person office. I tried, but everything seemed closed, or they didn't answer their phone, and I didn't have access to a car. Fast forward to 2022, I finally tracked down an open office when passing through Berlin airport, and brought all the documentation. They tell me they can't help me. After numerous emails, Turkish Airlines issues me an EMD voucher, valid for 2 years up till April 20th 2024. I try to get it refunded but each query through their online feedback form takes months. I no longer have a EUR account, and they finally tell me that yes I can use my USD account. I've moved between 4 countries during this period, so it takes me a while to deal with the asinine customer service and figure out what I need to give them to get a refund (this has included multiple long phone conversations with customer service). It takes me so long that now we are at December 2023. Finally I submit all the documentation. But no, turns out I need to have a wet signature on my form. I am travelling for work and am not able to submit this information until March 2024. One month later, I receive a cookie cutter response, again telling me everything I need to do (which I've already submitted). I write an email half in capslock, extremely angry, but ALSO RE-ATTACH ALL THE PAPERWORK (because I notice one form I had previously submitted, I had forgotten in my most recent submission). One month later I get a response saying that since I didn't reply, they have closed the case (I have proof in my email that I replied with all the forms they asked for). I repeat the entire submission process again, and call the call center multiple times. I receive a response one month later saying my voucher has expired (it expired during the time they took to respond, not when I filed the claim), too bad, no refund for me.
I feel really stupid after all of this... feels like the joke was on me? How did I spend this much time trying to get this refund when maybe they never intended to refund me? Do I have any recourse, since the cancelled flight was 4 years ago?

Schengen Country: The Netherlands Applied from: VFS New York City, USA Nationality: Indian Visa Result: Received a 1-Year Short-Stay Mulitiple Entry Visa Bio: 26 M (Single/Unmarried)
Hi All, I thought I should share my experience and profile as it might be helpful for people applying to The Netherlands in USA.
Some more background (For OPT/STEM OPT Students): I am an Indian National on F1 Visa, and I am currently under OPT working for an employer in NYC, with a pending STEM OPT Application. My current OPT work auth expires in the first week of July and my travel date is from 17th July - 28th July. While submitting the application my STEM Work Auth was not approved and was pending.
Planned Trips: I have two trips planned this year. The first being the Tomorrowland Music festival, where I would visit Belgium and The Netherlands from 17th July - 28th July as mentioned above. Second trip would be in December to Norway for approx a week.
Main Destination: After going through this sub, I figured that I should show Netherlands as my main destination as they are the only country that has been handing out 1-year multi entry visa. This would cover both my trips and I would not need to apply again for my second trip. I even called the consulate and told them about both my trip and they said that they would consider to provide me 1-year visa as long as I have my second trip listed on my cover letter.
Application Documents: I prepared all the documets that were listed on the VFS Website.

• The Application form was filled on the Netherlands website and it generated the complete application form.
• Passport: I took photocopy of all pages of my current passport, even though it is completely empty (I got it renewed last month). Apart from that I took photocopy of all Visas and entry exit stamps, on all of my previously expired passports (I have 3 expired passports)
• I took my I-20 and F1 Visa as evidence of legal status. Here I did not attach my EAD Card as it was expiring before my travel date. I did not want them to think that I am going to EU because my current work auth is expiring. They might not be aware of the STEM OPT extension rules, so I did not want them to get confused and took a little risk here, by not providing the EAD at all. It paid off!!
• I took photographs as per schengen requirements, but the VFS did take those. In fact, they clicked a picture there itself while taking my finger-print and used it for the visa (It was free and its mandatory).
• Proof of Travel: This is where things get interesting. Even though my plan is from 17-28, I provided an itinerary for 17-31st July. I booked fully refundable flight tickets, hotel tickets, train tickets (to and from belgium). A very very detailed itinerary (as in what I am doing each day to the last detail). I even booked all my flights, hotels, activities for my Trip to Norway along with a detailed itinerary for the same. I did my best to make sure that they know that i am going only for tourism and I have put in the extra extra extra effort as to do my research and plan my itinerary for both trips.
• Finance: I showed my bank account statement for last four months. I also, showed my robinhood investments, Fidelity investments and my 401k investment. (As far as I know they only care about liquid cash in your account, but I still wanted to show my commitment to USA by showing my investments especially 401k)
• Employer: I took a letter from my employer confirming my employement and travel dates. I also attached paystubs for last three months.
• Health Insurance: AXA Travel Insurance (Cost be approx 40 euros)

Cover Letter: This is a very very crucial part of my application. I listed my travel plans, my previous travel history (I have been to 6 countries), intention of coming back and strong finances. The consulate told me to mention both trips in the cover letter and I did that. kept everything in under a page.
Yes I know I have showed way more than what is needed and required. its usually very easy to get a visa from USA, but here are the two reason why I went the extra mile:

• I wanted a 1-year mult entry visa, so I wanted to show both my trips to the last detail. Flights, hotel, trains, internal flights. Each and every things was booked and fully refundable. This showcased my genuine intent for turism and showed me as someone who is less likly to overstay. I just wanted to avoid going through the hassel of applying for a seperate visa for Norway.
• My work auth was expiring in the first week of July, with a pending application with USCIS to extend my employemnt till 2026. I did not want them to think that I am going to overstay and provided as many details and finances as I could to not get flagged.

VFS Process and Timeline: VFS is a fucking horrible. Just wanted to put it out here. Finding a slot was a little messed up. The VFS website goes down almost every eveing and you don't see any slots at all, even though they have slots available. I booked a slot for May 10th in the last week of April. They had plenty of slots, so finding one based on your preference was not an issue.

• May 10th: Visa Appointment at 8:30 AM. I was let in at 9:30 AM. Fucking joke of an org. They were just letting France and UK people in, even tough most of them had a later appontment. FYI: All schengen visa are processed at the same place. They dont have seperate offices for each consulate. Its a single office that sends application to each consulate based on where you are applying. I was also forced to use their courrier service to get my passport delivered, even though I was told on phone that I could pick up my passport! At the center I was told that "Especially for Netherlands, we do not allow passport pickup"
• May 10th: In the evening I got this email "Your application has been submitted to the Embassy and is currently under process.Please continue to track the status online for further updates."
• Radio silence after that.
• Also to those who are curious, The consulate/embassy (I am not sure who processes the visa), send the passport to VFS and then they send it to you. It doesn't come directly from the Consulate/Embassy. (I got to know this when I called VFS about my application status).
• May 27th: I received a message from FedEx, stating that a package would be delivered to me on May 28th, along with the tracking details. Based on shipment date and location, it was obviously my passport coming from VFS. The amazing part is that, there was no email/SMS update from VFS that my application was processed. Infact even after getting my passport their website tracking shows, application under process at embassy.
• May 28th: Received my passport with a stamped 1-year multiple entry Schengen Visa from the Netherlands.

Anyone has any question, feel free to ask me anything! I hope everyone applying gets their visa!! All the best!

hello! gusto ko lang magask, if there are/were any college transferees here kung ano yung laman ng letter of intent to transfer niyo? do i need to put in recommendation forms from professors or other documents? or is it just a letter of intent literal? thank you in advance!

TLDR: Doran has a different father to Elia and Oberyn. Both fathers were Free City nobles. Doran's father died in the 251 RHPR. Elia and Oberyn's father died in the 260 WOTNK. This would explain why no one has mentioned them yet and the Martell's interest in the Free Cities.
Quick Note: My headcanon name for their mother is Neria. Just saves me typing "Doran's predecessor", "Oberyn's mother", "former princess of Dorne", etc.
The strongest and most sensible assumptions I've made about this subject are:

1. The fathes died before 273, the year Tyrion was born, during which Oberyn went on his betrothal journey with "my mother, her consort, and my sister Elia" (ASOS Tyrion V). It makes no sense for Oberyn to refer to his own father or Elia's as a consort.
2. Doran and Oberyn never mentioning their fathes points to a lack of sentiment in regards to them, which in turn points to them dying before the brothers were old enough to remember them much, and given their ~10-year age gap, they must've had different fathers for this to be true. Conversely, Elia and Oberyn have about a year between them, so they likely shared a father.
3. Both fathers were openly married to Neria, since there is no in-text speculation about the three siblings' legitimacy or paternity, and the likes of Joanna and Aerys II would never have considered marrying their heirs to anyone of questionable birth. You can't be pulling the Mormont "my children were fathered by bears lol" schtick when you're trying to betroth your daughter to the crown prince.
4. Both fathers were from prestigious enough backgrounds to marry the heiruler of Dorne but on individual levels were so unremarkable that even their own sons don't namedrop them from time to time.
5. Excluding the Martells, all the great houses and Dornish houses can be ruled out. Quentyn, Arianne and the Sand Snakes never mention any living cousins besides each other, and if either of their paternal grandfathers had been a non-Martell Dornish nobleman, Arianne would've mentioned his house when thinking of who she could trust to help her while imprisoned. I think it's also safe to write off the houses Elia and Oberyn visited on their betrothal voyage (Daynes, Redwynes, Hightowers, Chesters, Grimms, Hewetts, Serrys and Crakehalls).

With all that in mind, let's move onto some candidates:

Martell Man/Men

Consanguinity is common enough in Westeros: Tywin and Joanna were first cousins, and Cregan, Edric, and Rickard Stark show it's not taboo in the North, so unless the Rhoynar had an aversion to it that was carried pver into Dornish culture, there's no reason to think the Martells would be against it.
From the reign of Daeron II to that of Aerys II (i.e. 99 years), the Martells had close ties to the Targaryens. Though the deaths of Baelor Breakspear and his children put an end to the main Targ line having Martell ancestry, the "several heirs" (TWOIAF - The Targaryen Kings: Daeron II) Daenerys had borne for Maron were half-Targ. Though highly unlikely that they began to practice sibling incest, it's likely that in order to keep their Targ blood (and in turn the possibility of marrying back into the royal line) strong, some of Daenerys' grandchildren and great-grandchildren were married to each other. Neria might have been subject to this tradition, and therefore either her first husband, second husband or both could have been a descendant of Daenerys. This would help explain why the current Martells seem to be so small in number, as well as why Elia was chosen to be Rhaegar's wife over every other noble lady with Targ ancestry (really hard to imagine that all descendants of Saera, Baela, Rhaena, Elaena, Daella and Rhae at the time were either male, married, menopausal or less Targy).
However, Doran and his children point to this not being the case. If this tradition existed, then why was Doran not subject to it? If second-degree incest (is that what you're supposed to call it? I don't know, you get what I mean) was the Martell deal now, then why did Arianne feel so "uneasy" and ashamed when internally recalling her childhood crush on her uncle (AFFC The Queenmaker)? Furthermore, if Quentyn was the product of such intentional inbreeding, not only would it have been really stupid for him to not tell Dany this, he likely wouldn't have been burnt. If my calculations about Ben Plumm are correct, then he could be as little as 1/16th Targ, which is evidently enough dragonlord ancestry for dragons to take to a person (ASOS Danerys V). Rhaegal did not take to Quentyn, which means he must have less Targ ancestry than Ben (or perhaps there's a big difference between a dragon being cool with sitting on your shoulder and a dragon being cool with you screaming at it while cracking a whip). This is also why I don't believe that Doran is Aerys' bastard (along with there only being a four-year age gap between them), but what of Elia and Oberyn?

Aerys II

I don't think Elia and/or Oberyn are Aerys' bastards, though I understand why some might come to that conclusion. "Joanna Lannister was not the first lady to be dismissed abruptly from Her Grace's service, nor was she the last" (TWOIAF - The Targaryen Kings: Aerys II), Neria was one of Rhaella's ladies, and it would explain why Elia, out of all the noble women in Westeros and the Free Cities, was chosen to be Rhaegar's wife. However, Aerys would've had to have been 12-14 when they were conceived, it is unlikely he was interested in a woman old enough to be his mother when he was known to be "exceedingly fond of young women", and given that Aerys lost interest in his lovers quickly and both he and Neria seemed to have fertility issues, it's very improbable that they produced a child together, let alone two. The risk of trying to pass off your unborn child as legitimate only to be forced to admit you had a fling with the teenage crown prince after it pops out Valyrian would be such an insane one to take even once, and it's hard to imagine the mother and mentor of Doran doing such a thing.

Brynden Tully

This theory was mostly just me slamming two big questions together - who was Neria's husband/s and why did Brynden never marry - in hopes of forming an answer to both. For a short time I was gripped by the idea that Elia and Oberyn's father was a veteran of the War of the Ninepenny Kings and IIRC my thought process went something like this:
"Didn't the Blackfish fight during the WOTNK? GASP That's why he never married: he was already married to Neria! That's why he left Riverrun: he felt guilty for fighting for the side that ended up killing his daughter! That's (partially) why Doran refused Hoster's invitation for Arianne to visit Riverrun! Black fish, red viper, "colour" "animal" moniker, THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE!"
As much as I'd love it to be true because the idea of Catelyn and Oberyn being first cousins is hilarious to me, it can't be. Among many other reasons, we only know him to be near Dorne in 260, 3-4 years after Elia and Oberyn were born. Now I think their father did not survive the war, just as Doran's father was killed in the 251 rebellion of the Rat, the Hawk, and the Pig, which took place when he was around three. Their fathers dying while they were still toddlers would explain why they haven't been mentioned yet.

Free City Noblemen

I think this is the strongest theory. It explains why we haven't heard anything about them; Westerosi nobles don't seem to care much about Free City politics, and the few examples of FC nobles marrying into Westerosi houses don't seem to elicit much intrigue outside of xenophobic villainisation and scapegoating (Larra Rogare and Serala of Myr come to mind).
It is possible that Aliandra Martell's marriage to Drazenko Rogare started a trend of Dornish nobles marrying and/or making paramours of FC people, particularly those of Lys. I believe Ellaria Sand's mother is Lyseni, since she is described as "exotic" (which is never used to describe the Dornish), worships a Lysene goddess and the names of her two youngest daughters, Dorea and Loreza, sound Lyseni (Dorea is one letter off of Doreah, the name of Dany's Lysene handmaid).
I don't think either Doran's or Elia and Oberyn's father were Lyseni, though it is one of the better options. The Free Cities I've written off as options are:

1. Lorath. It's too insignificant to marry into, not to mention far away.
   
2. Norvos. Would've been mentioned by now since Doran married a Norvoshi noble. Also Norvos is probably the poorest Free City after Lorath, so not a great match for a Dornish princess.
   
3. Tyrosh. Could've easily been mentioned when Doran told Arianne about his plan to send her to the Archon of Tyrosh. Also it was the Blackfyre stronghold, so unlikely to be an attractive option to the Martells.
   

That leaves Braavos, Pentos, Qohor, Myr, Lys and Volantis. Myr was close to being the fourth written-off city because having ties to Myr after the Defiance of Duskendale would've likely put the Martells in grave danger of Aerys' paranoia. On top of that, along with Tyrosh and Lys, Myr is a historic rival of Dorne's for dominion over the Stepstones. However, Taena of Myr looks a lot like Arianne, and she could be one of Dorne's "friends at court" (ADWD The Watcher). Perhaps she is a cousin?
Out of the six, my preference is that Doran's father was Qohorik while Elia and Oberyn's father was Volantene.
Qohor is one of the most fascinating Free Cities and yet we know so little about it. We don't even know what type of government they have. It would fit Doran's character to partially hail from such a secretive city.
Elia and Oberyn's father being a Volantene noble would explain why Elia was chosen over every other highborn girl in Westeros and the Free Cities to be Rhaegar's wife (maybe they descend from Saera's son by a Triarch?), as well as how Oberyn got behind the Black Walls so quickly and got away with fathering a bastard by a woman "of the noblest blood of Old Volantis". One might wonder why no one has mentioned this, especially since their nephew Quentyn was in Volantis, but technically he's not related to Elia and Oberyn's father any more than he is Nym's mother, and if Oberyn left Volantis on bad terms, it'd probably have been best for Quentyn to not use his connection to him as leverage.
Together with Doran's marriage to Mellario, that would give the Martells connections to Norvos, Qohor and Volantis, the three Free Cities that are located along the Rhoyne, their ancestral home. Funny, that.

So I had my orientation today and I had all my documents ready except the residency proof. I was away at college in a different state during the required dates they requested so any bill I had at the time was not an nyc address. However I lived here my whole life and provided every sort of alternative proof I could like bank statements and proof of my living in the same house as my parents since I was born. I probably should’ve been more intent on including a specific date within them but I can’t worry about it now
The woman in the orientation room said this was a good indicator but it wasn’t going to be much without my name explicitly stated and that I reside within the 5 boroughs on the specified time period of June 2021-June 2022. If I just come back with that I can get my residency credit reinstated.
I got a letter for a retread date and I’m ready to go through it all over again if have to, but I obviously want to rectify this as fast as I can. Just curious if me sending in the proof they requested through an email or to the number of the HR departments they provided in the letter will be a wasted effort and is attending the retread date the only way to make it happen. Anyone with advice or experience with this is a help

PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview

Untying the Knots of the Twelve-Letter Alphabet
https://www.astrologyinstitute.com/articleprofile/articles/2016/untying-the-knots-of-the-twelve-letter-alphabet
12 Letter Alphabet Exposed
https://westernastrology.net/12-letter-alphabet-exposed-part-a/
https://westernastrology.net/12letter-alphabet-exposed-part-b/
Liberating Uranus and Aquarius – From Each Other
http://www.astrologyinstitute.com/articleprofile/articles/2016/liberating-uranus-and-aquarius-from-each-other
Probing Pluto and Scorpio, Clarifying Neptune and Pisces
http://www.astrologyinstitute.com/articleprofile/articles/2015/untangling-astrologys-symbols-part3
10 Astrology Habits to Break.
https://ambientastrology.com/articles/2016/3/25/10-astrology-habits-to-break
https://soulfriendastrology.com/category/learning-astrology/
12 Letter Alphabet Exposed
FIRST HOUSE
While the words; are a manner of speech there might be less confusion if they were replaced with "present": The first house shows how we present as an individual. This presentation includes attitude, physical health, demeanor and appearance, among other things.
The first house is much more than how we strike out as an individual. It can actually show a ‘wait and see attitude’. If a passive sign is on the ascendant or the ascendant ruler in a passive sign there will be less ‘striking out’ and more withdrawal or cautious approach to life.
With other factors such as the house location of its ruler and aspects to the ascendant, the first house shows temperament style and general attitude to life, which may be nothing akin to Mars or Aries.
The odds are only one in twelve that the sign on the ascendant will be Aries and the wide scope of other possible expressions cannot all be described as Arian or Martian.
Neither should we restrict the red planet to its daytime domicile of Aries. It is also the nocturnal ruler of Scorpio although this is rarely considered or understood.
Associating Mars with the first house also ignores the other two planets which have a connection to this house.
The first is Mercury, which has its joy in the first house. The joys of the planets is a worthwhile study of its own.
Mercury has a natural association with the brain and head and this correlates well with the association of the first house with the head.
Mercury is also associated with speech and communication.
Mars has no natural association with the head or brain, unless you are thinking of using your head as a battering ram!
In the system of planetary joys Mars is placed in the sixth house of injuries and sickness, a place where it is at home.
The first house straddles the boundary between day and night which is an apt fit for adaptable Mercury as the go-between.
Saturn also has a first house association because this is where the soul is entrapped within the body as it incarnates. Saturn is the natural ruler of doorways and the first house is the soul’s doorway into physical life. The eighth house of death is the exit doorway, also associated with Saturn.
SECOND HOUSE:
Yes Taurus is about stability and physical comforts and pleasure, but has little to do with money itself. Venus, the planet which rules Taurus, is about the comforts that money can buy, the adornments and beautiful things. But money itself is represented by Mercury, the natural ruler of exchange and financial dealings. Mercury does the buying and Venus does the enjoying. Venus does not represent money; that is Mercury’s domain.
Jupiter the planet of wealth and prosperity, has a natural association with the second house. In the Chaldean order of the planets Jupiter follows Saturn. Saturn is associated with the first house, Jupiter with the second house.
THIRD HOUSE:
It is understandable that, at first glance, the third house would seem to have an association with Gemini and Mercury.
However in previous generations it was clearly understood that the third house was the house of the "goddess", and the Moon had a special relationship with this house.
In horary astrology the Moon is frequently seen as conveying messages between other planets in its role as ‘the translator of light’. Among the seven classical planets it is the fastest moving body, linking planets as it aspects one and then to another. This sequential linking is very significant in questions about communication, linking people together, or the movement of goods. In this latter respect it also has an association with transport.
FOURTH HOUSE:
Historically the 4th house is associated with foundations and property, the land, deep roots, mines and wealth from under the ground.
Compare these fixed traits to that most fluid and movable of planets: the Moon. This is not a good fit. The changeable Moon is much better suited to the busy comings and goings of the 3rd house.
In the ancient model of the “4 Ages of Man” the IC is associated with the winter of our lives. Yet in the northern hemisphere where Western astrology arose the Sun passes through Cancer at the height of summer. Neither is the 4th house a good fit for Cancer.
Historically the 4th house is associated with the father, not the mother.
FIFTH HOUSE:
The Sun is the supreme ‘Commander-in-Chief’, the symbol of might and mastery, power, truth, light and enlightenment. The superior planets genuflect and step backwards in retrograde motion when they come face to face in opposition with the Sun, and all the planets disappear in his blinding light when in conjunction with the Sun.
The fifth house is the house of fun and frivolity, parties pleasure and entertainment. In a sense this is the most superficial of houses and is in no way deserving as the home of the Lord of the Heavens.
The Sun represents so much more than parties, children, pleasure and sporting games. The importance of these activities pales into insignificance when faced with the majesty of his presence. In many religions and spiritual systems the image of god or the force which guides the universe has a solar representation.
To suggest that the Sun is restricted to the rulership of the house of fun and creativity is to diminish his great power and demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of his role in the heavens and in astrological interpretation.
In the diagram above describing the joys of the planets we see that the Sun rejoices in the ninth house, the house of higher learning, spirituality, and the search for the ultimate meaning of life. The joys of the planets describe places where planets are most comfortable and ‘feel at home’. The Sun is much more comfortable than in the ninth house of spirituality than in the fifth house of frivolity.
Neither is Leo a good fit for the fifth house as it is regarded as a barren sign because of its dryness. The 5th has long been known as the house of sex procreation and children. In horary astrology in questions of fertility and in electional astrology when choosing a suitable time for conception Leo on the ascendant or on the fifth house cusp is generally avoided because of its association with infertility and sterility.
To link the sign associated with barrenness with the house associated with fertility and creativity shows a misunderstanding of basic astrological principles.
SIXTH HOUSE:
Confusions relating to the meaning of the sixth house are worthy of an article on its own.
The association with work in the sense of career or profession can be attributed to a misreading of Lilly where he refers to the 6th house as the house of service. He was actually referring to servitude and servants.
The modern equivalent are the working poor doing menial jobs, in the service of another. There has never been, at least until recent times, a sense that the 6th house is associated with anything resembling a career. Historically this is, among other meanings, the house of slaves. While perhaps there are few real slaves in the Western world, the unskilled worker going from job to job is a close equivalent. These workers are typically more lacking in skills, rather than being skilled.
Going back to the objection mentioned above that Virgo is focused I am not sure how focus is a noteworthy trait of the sixth house, or even that Virgo is especially focused. Virgo is after all a double-bodied sign. Scorpio Aries and Capricorn also have some claim to being focused.
It is more common for people to confuse the sixth house with Virgo because of Virgo’s association with health. However the sixth house is not the house of health; that honour belongs to the first house. The sixth house is the house of ill-health and also injuries, the opposite of health. The preoccupation with exercise and diet typically associated with Virgo is better explained by the combination of the dry earth qualities of Virgo when combined with its discerning ruler: Mercury.
It is the first house which is the house of life and health and vitality. Mercury rejoices in this house and is much more comfortable here than in the sixth house of sickness and injuries.
It is Mars which rejoices in the sixth house. It is of course the minor malefic and is well suited to the house where the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune beset us all from time to time. Incidentally in mundane astrology the sixth house is associated with the military which has an obvious connection with Mars.
SEVENTH HOUSE:
Yes the seventh house is about relationships of all types. As well as amorous relationships and contractual business type relationships, also included are adversarial relationships with open enemies and those involving a sporting or other type of contest.
Relationships involving open conflict can hardly be confused with the graciousness associated with Libra or the pleasantness associated with Venus. These relationships could better be described as Martian. As the enemy rides over hill towards you, rifle at the ready with bayonet attached, Venus is nowhere to be seen. These situations are better described by Mars. So should we associate Aries and Mars with the seventh house, as well as Libra and Venus? The logic is similar. It should not be ignored that the seventh house is as much about engagement with the enemy as it is with the lover or friend.
The seventh house is about ‘the other’ we engage with, for whatever reason, whether it be the terrorist or the lover, the violent bully or the loving spouse. The relationships associated with the seventh house can be associated with love or hate. The seventh house is primarily about the people we engage with, and the type of engagement cannot be restricted to just Venus or Libra. The planet which usually best describes the type of engagement is the one ruling the sign on the seventh house cusp or a planet conjoining the descendant.
EIGHTH HOUSE:
The confusion concerning the eighth house is connected both with the adoption of Pluto as Scorpio's modern ruler and the adoption of the '12 letter Alphabet'; system by some astrologers. In the 12 letter Alphabet, invented by Zip Dobyns, the meaning of the houses planets and signs are merged. For example the eighth house, Scorpio, and Pluto are seen to have a similar theme, referred to as an archetype. Pluto's association with transformation and regeneration and Scorpio's association with sex are both transferred to the eighth house.
However the eighth house is the house of death. While it's true that some astrologers have associated the eighth house with sex because sexual orgasm is sometimes called ‘the little death, the purpose of sex is to procreate, to bring life into the world, not death.
Previous to the modern era the eighth house was not associated with sex. This modern confusion is perpetrated by a misunderstanding of the primary functions of the houses. Sex is a fifth house matter. Death and bringing life into the world are opposite things. One should not be confused with the other.
I have often heard it said that death is only one form of transformation and somehow this justifies assigning transformation as a core meaning for the eighth house, which in turn validates Scorpio’s and Pluto’s association with the eighth house.
It is ironic that Pluto's mythical association with rape is rarely mentioned in conversations about eighth house sexual activity.
The tangled web of confusions associated with the interchange of Scorpio Pluto and the eighth house is mind boggling and really does take us a long way from the real meaning of the eighth house. Followers of the 12 Letter Alphabet system associate intimacy with the eighth house because of its new association connection with Pluto.
The core meanings of the eighth house have to do with death in the physical and real sense; fear and loss; the resources of those we engage with, and inheritance.
The eighth house is not a particular pleasant place no matter how much we might like to romanticize it or give it a positive spin. The sign on the cusp of the eighth house and the planet which rules that sign are what is relevant in any type of astrological interpretation of the 8th house.
NINTH HOUSE:
We tend to liken Jupiter to philosophy and religion and the attribution of Jupiter to the 9th House fits fairly well. (Jupiter is also the planet associated with the Ninth in the wheel of houses that begins with Saturn as the First.) The Ninth was the place of the “Sun God” in ancient astrology and was strongly associated with public religious practice; yet, like the Third, it was also associated with dreams, prophecy, and divination. The Ninth House being associated with higher education or long journeys is a later addition.
The planet in joy in the Ninth House is the Sun and, for a place that is cadent, the Ninth gets a lot of sunlight and the Sun can be happy here. It also fits well with the deification of the Sun’s power in many cosmologies and religions throughout history. It may also conform to the image of Sun as a planet of higher intellect, as the light of reason.
TENTH HOUSE:
Astrologers after my lifetime or yours will look at this affiliation with bewilderment. Archetypally mixing the House of career, reputation, and fame to Saturn and Capricorn is itself enough to throw out the entire Twelve Letter Alphabet system.
You might retort, “But it’s the place of one’s boss!” I answer that there are many kinds of bosses and they’re not all oppressive. The dimensions of leadership and mentorship – solar and not saturnine factors – are prominent Tenth House factors.
The 10th is the traditional place of one’s “action” – career, calling, fame and reputation. I include a larger sense of “vocation”, so that if you work retail by day but are a political activist or animal rights advocate otherwise, the latter would be included within your Tenth House. If a “lifestyle” includes neighborhood vigilantism, being a “survivalist”, or attending a lot of funerals, that person’s Tenth House would qualify as Saturnine.
Capricorn, as the cardinal earth sign, governed by a heavy nocturnal (feminine sign) Saturn, and the place and time of least light in the Northern Hemisphere, is completely out of place in the public and daylight-filled Tenth. Because the Tenth is place of authority, it is far closer in meaning to the Sun than the gray planet Saturn.
ELEVENTH HOUSE:
In ancient times the 11th, the “Place of the Good Spirit (or daimon)”, was a place of fortune and abundance. According to traditional sources Jupiter is in joy in the Eleventh, befitting a place that is considered so fortunate. (The Eleventh is the House opposite the 5th, the Place of Good Fortune and the joy of Venus, the other benefic.) The Eleventh House became the place of “hopes and wishes” and later the place of friendship and social groups; “hopes and wishes” is more in line with the original meaning of the Eleventh House.
Is this like the fixed air sign Aquarius? The “Water-Bearer” has a linear mental quality and a tendency to become conceptual that is not particularly like the Eleventh House in its original meanings. Aquarius is a sign of social responsibility and objective mind, and Aquarius relates well to a diurnal (masculine sign) Saturn that is a lighter Saturn than the one who governs Capricorn. However, if you confine the Eleventh House to friendships and social groups, the affiliation with the diurnal Saturn isn’t such a problem.
Things become much more confusing when astrologers mix up Aquarius with the outer planet Uranus, the planet of eccentricity, suddenness, and genius, and then try to bring in the Eleventh House. Uranus is quite different from the fixed mental “human” sign Aquarius. Uranus is rebellious, radically individualistic, and is deliberately outside convention. Aquarius, the sign opposite Leo, is humanitarian and oriented more toward groups and cultures than individuals. To bring this confusion to the Eleventh House only makes this problem worse; it obscures the original benevolent and protective quality of this house which is well demonstrated by Jupiter’s traditional association.
TWELTH HOUSE:
There are many difficulties here, and many are based on the distorted ways that the sign Pisces has been defined. But first let’s look at the Twelfth House by itself.
Like the Sixth and Eighth, the Twelfth is also disconnected to the Ascendant and is also a place about life’s difficulties. The Twelfth is a cadent house that in ancient astrology was the Place of the “Bad Spirit.” In the outer world the Twelfth is where we locate prisons, confinement in institutions, and dark hidden places. More internally, this is the place of being haunted – by previous karma, psychological “unfinished business,” and other manners of “self-doing” that come about because of what we cannot see. Psychological astrologers have looked to the Twelfth House for unacknowledged factors that may wreak havoc on one’s person and within one’s relationships. This is in keeping with the qualities of this house.
This all seems very different from the mutable watery sign Pisces that is flowing, changeable, and can develop different disguises for its personal and social roles. Pisces, as a quality of mind, has a strongly intuitive nonlinear bent. Unlike the planet Neptune, however, natives with prominent Pisces placements manage to maintain their identity even if that identity is not well-defined. Both the sign Pisces and its purported ruler Neptune are a far cry from the vice grip many of have experienced when in conditions of external or internal confinement.
Jupiter, the great benefic and the traditional ruler of Pisces, is even farther away from the significations of the Twelfth House. Jupiter – especially in the feminine sign Pisces – brings intuition of possibilities that is often called “faith” or “hope”. The Twelfth, however, is where cold reality comes at us from behind often with harmful intent; it is far closer to Saturn than Jupiter. And Saturn is, of course, the “joy” of the Twelfth House.