How I Wonder What You Are by Al Bruno III

I’ll know the time is right when the howling begins. It will be after sundown of course, the Mothers and Fathers of Jebsen only scream after sundown, and only on the clearest of nights.
There is no town of Jebsen listed on any map, even in its heyday of the 1940’s it was too small to be worthy of notice. It’s nothing more than a collection of buildings at the end of a dead end road. On one side it is bordered by long untended corn fields, on the other the swampy remains of Lake Campbell. The most noticeable of the town’s buildings is a red brick edifice with a wide domed roof of fractured glass. The rest is just barns and single story homes. Along the border of the swamp is row after row of barbed wire and bear traps.
I’ll let them scream for an hour or so, let them become tired. Even now it amazes me how I had learned to pick out the individual voices in the cacophony. The Widow Toth tires easily but the Garrets will be at it until dawn.
And what will I be doing while every able-bodied adult is on the rooftops? I’ll be slipping these pages into this mason jar and sealing it lid in place with the wax from a melted crayon. The Children of Jebsen won’t miss just one, especially not purple.
Twenty-five years ago a calamity befell the town of Jebsen. The authorities blamed it all on the after effects of an experimental insecticide but the Old Book the town elders read from every Sunday said otherwise. It told the citizens of Jebsen that a curse was carried by those twinkling dots in the sky. A malevolence traveling at 186,000 miles per second that would twist their Children into nightmares should a glint of it ever touch their skin.
That is why they scream at the starlight; hating it, cursing it, raging at it.
You can’t see what their Children have become and not feel the same way. The changes are heartbreaking and horrifying all at once but after you spend time with them you feel differently. There is mockery in the mis-set eyes that peer from those mollified skulls.
They know secrets. On quiet, cloudy nights I would put my ear to one families’ basement door or another and hear them murmuring and giggling as they writhe in their basement styes.
I think of their weeping mouths and soft teeth and remember that day half a decade ago the ill-advised shortcut and along the neglected county route 99. I remember approaching the train bridge and seriously considering turning around, it looked decades out of repair and I half suspected it would collapse as I passed under it.
But I didn’t turn back, my ego wouldn’t let me. I was right and the road was wrong so I drove under the train bridge, momentarily marveling at the strange and elaborate graffiti that covered it.
I was just past the structure when a small, bent figure ran out from the long grass.
The sounds are what I really remember; the squeal of the brakes, the thud of the body on the hood of my car, the thick crack of laminated glass.
I would later learn the name of the child I had hit was Julius McCarty but all I knew then was that there was an emaciated, bloodied shape lying halfway through my windshield.
Human instinct made me reach out, to see if the little boy was alive. When my fingers brushed his skin he twisted around to face me. His mouth lashed out proboscis-like and nuzzled into the flesh of my arm.
Pain bristled out from where the boy had latched on to me. I screamed, thrashed. I shoved the car door open and tumbled out onto the asphalt. The boy coughed once and died.
At first the wound held all my attention. How could it not? I had expected to see torn flesh and blood but instead the boy’s distended mouth had left behind a cluster of thick, festering ulcerations.
But then I became aware of the men making their way out of the tall grass. These were the Fathers of Jebsen understood immediately what had happened.
They had brought everything they might need to bring one of their Children back home to its basement; rope, bandages and cudgels. It was also everything they needed to make a captive of me.
They, dragged me away from the accident site, through the tall grass and over the collapsed remains of a chain link fence to leave me in the care of the Mothers of Jebsen. Those gaunt women had cudgels of their own and I was a mass of bruises and welts by the time the hole in the Earth had been made to their standards.
The menfolk returned carrying the child wrapped in a linen shroud. They dropped it roughly into the ground. There were no ceremonies, tears or headstone. It was well after dark by the time I had filled the grave back in.
Now here it is years later and I’ve had to dig a dozen more graves, one by one the Mothers and Fathers are dying out, it’s always a surprise when it happens. Every mother and father of Jensen is withered and white haired but every year a few more die in their sleep, or at work in the fields or at prayer in their red brick observatory.
The Children are dying too, not a one has ever lived past seventeen. One by one they waste away, except of course for the occasional accident like the one that trapped me here.
Despite these curse that has befallen them the people of Jebsen continue to reproduce, each mother convinced that this time she will give birth to the Great Redeemer as was foretold in the Old Book. Each time they fail and each time the result is locked away in it’s family’s basement.
You can’t imagine those basements, the smell of rotten meat, the ankle deep fecal matter and the perfectly clean toys. They draw equations on the walls, gold and silver crayons are their preferred color. Every Tuesday I have to visit each of those cellars and scrub the theorems and postulations away.
The youngest of the Children is a newborn, still angry from the womb, the oldest is seventeen and nearly rotted away. No matter the age they all taunt me as I work, sometimes with bites, sometimes with maledictions. Both have left unimaginable scars.
So many scars now, I’m marked, I could never walk among the people I’d known before. They’d refuse to recognize me and insist I was a stranger
The Widow Thoth says this is my penance for the death of Julius McCarty, she even went so far as to cite chapter and verse on the subject from Old Book itself. The Mothers and Fathers of Jebsen, base every aspect of their lives on that thick volume of prophecies and homilies.
I wonder if anyone will notice me as leaving. I doubt it, even when they’re not screaming their heads off a long dead suns they barely notice my comings and goings.
As I said before, the Mothers and Father’s of Jebsen have become so sure of me. Some families think I’ve become a true believer, the rest think the cinder block chained to my ankle is enough to keep me in my place.
I don’t know who you are or when you’ll find this message. My only hope is that you will believe me. If you do, please bring this document to the proper authorities. Don’t let my death be for nothing.
I go to the bottom of the swamp with two regrets. One is that I won’t be there when the town of Jebsen is discovered and burned to the ground.
The other is that six months ago I accepted Father Garett’s invitation to join in their celebrations. I went willingly with them to the old brick observatory. I prayed with them. I danced with them. I partook in all of their debasements.
And for a little while, perhaps an hour, I was happy.
They even asked me to give reading from the Old Book. I eagerly stopped up to the podium and began flipping through the thick volume.
Everyone waited for me to choose a passage and speak but all I did was shake and weep at what I beheld. My knees buckled. My mind shut down. I had to be carried out and put to bed.
You see, the Old Book was blank from cover to cover. You’re even holding some of those pages in your hands now.
I used them to write my story.

I just beat the game I absolutely loved it! The platforming was super creative, the combat was challenging, everything about the game really fell into place. I thought it would be fun to rank all the areas - this will mostly be asking which are better and less which are worse cause the game is pretty consistently great.

1. The Depths - This area has some great design, with all the toxic waste, deadly traps, and sewage creatures, but it mainly loses some points both due to the dark sections being unnecessary, and due to the downright anxiety-inducing section where you have no map, the 1 part of the game I seriously didn’t like.
   
2. Lower City - This place is pretty vanilla, but In a good way, with a lot of the architecture, machines, and poles, and the soldiers to fight, serving as a great introduction to the game. The Jahandar was also a great introduction to boss fights. Very well-designed area, only low due to being simpler than the rest.
   
3. Upper City - The high-up feel is nailed here, with the chandelier climbing and all the enemies sniping you, the clock puzzle using the vorpal blade, and fighting Varham here was also pretty cool, especially the second time. It’s just not quite as excellent as the rest.
   
4. Sunken Harbour - loved this one - the spiky towers, booby traps everywhere, bandits and pirate ships all turned it into an unforgettable location. The platforming here was among the game’s best, but it was a bit disappointing that it lacked a boss.
   
5. Hircanian Forest - the climbable vines and emerging flowers all felt super snappy, while the forest’s critters and warriors complemented it all well. Using the bow to snipe targets always feels awesome. Kiana’s battle was a genuine highlight of the game too. No complaints here.
   
6. Tower of Silence - the grand scale of this area is unmatched, and perfectly combines with the use of the satisfying grappling string to make for an absolutely awesome ascent, up a mountain full of avalanches, icy spirits, and platforms that destroy you from under your feet made for a perfect pre-climax, even moreso thanks to the fantastic fight against King Darius.
   
7. Raging Sea - this level was short and the fight against Orod, while good, wasn’t one of my favorites - but I simply couldn’t help but adore it for the idea alone. A sea full of pirate ships, frozen in time - massive waves, burning walls, strikes of lightning, pirates doing battle, it was a magnificent setpiece, with the unfreezing by the end making it hit even harder, and it’s not just for show, as all of it was very fun and creative to play too.
   
8. Pit of Eternal Sands - alongside the sand snakes and ruins, the level really shines due to how satisfying weaving around the sand is, going through crystal walls and caterpillars, this place contains some of the most fun platforming challenges in the whole game, with the Azdaha battle being the icing on the cake.
   
9. Sacred Archives - I could never pick any other winner. The twisting bookcases, shifting walls, prison wardens, ghosts, mad mechanisms, traps, this place was creative to the max, and was made even more fun with the brilliant uses of both the clairvoyance and shadow teleportation, which while niche, when used right, manage to make the best sections of the game. And it all caps off, not with a boss, but with a segment that made my jaw drop, a set of puzzles using the shadow teleportation and time loops to make something like nothing I’ve seen before. This was a true highlight.
   

Anyway, I’m done gushing. Absolutely a brilliant game, enjoyed it greatly. What do you all think?

[First] [Previous] [Next]
I was at a disadvantage before, looking around in unknown territory, but here? This is my house. My country. My library! I have walked around these halls so many times that I have a pretty good mental map of where everything is. Considering the most requested academic tomes are under the protection of the Librarian, I go investigate the shelves on the first floor, where you find mostly reference books.

All this confidence I managed to build up disappears the instant I notice there’s a group of students in the lodges to the side of the hall, just minding their own business. My throat dries up, my knees shake a little bit.

Saints damn it, why aren’t you all on vacation!?

And they are sitting right on my way, between me and the shelves. I am sure the symbol has to be on the shelves…

“Time to turn tail and run, like always.”

“You can do it. Take a deep breath, look straight onwards and walk!”

Taking her advice, I do my best to not look at ANYTHING and just go straight as an ant to the shelves.

“Wait. What if any of them say hi? Oh no. Uhm. Take a quick look! But make it super, super quick!”

Damn it.

My eyes slowly turn to the left as I am walking. Are they looking at me? Did they look at me? WILL they look at me? They don’t seem to even notice me. Should I call for their attention? Should I say hi? I don’t even know them, that would be weird. But what if I do know them and I just don’t remember? There’s lots of law students around, maybe they are law students? I can’t see their books from this distance, maybe I need glasses. Would glasses make me look unassuming? I wish people didn’t look at me…

Eventually I reach the shelves without exchanging a single word with these people. I really, really hope I didn’t look like a nervous wreck while walking by, but I guess there isn’t much I can do about that now, can I? Ugh, I can barely focus as I start looking on the shelf itself, trying to find anything out of the ordinary…

“You’re nervous when there’s a lot of people, and you’re nervous when there’s few people. What will it take for you to be happy about something, huh!? Tiresome bitch…”

I sigh loudly. I left my S.O.S. at home, so I can’t really get rid of these voices tonight… I’ll have to brave them.

“It will be a hard time… but you can do it.”

Taking a deep breath, I continue trying to focus on finding that damn ‘golden symbol’ around the shelves, even taking out a few suspiciously out of place books, just to check if the symbol could be carved on the back of the shelf or something…

Nothing.

I spend a good long hour checking each shelf on the first floor as methodically as my body allows… before I know it, I have given up on everything and am sitting on a bean couch at the main hall, letting my eyes close slowly…

… When I open them again, I practically jump out of my chair.

Did I just fall asleep!?

“Oh boy.”

I pick up my phone to check… It's 2 in the morning.

“Oh boy! Who could have guessed things would go wrong, huh?”

I can still feel the sleepiness in my limbs, my eyelids feel so heavy. Saints, help your poor servant!

The lights feel so vibrant here, so annoying and white. I can practically hear them buzz… but then, I notice something else. The smell of decent coffee, recently brewed. I look around, quickly finding the librarian at her desk, serving cups of coffee to the group I saw… I think of going over and taking one but that would probably imply conversation. And I am not ready for conversation! I—

“Oi! You finally woke up!” The librarian catches me instantly with a knowing smirk. “Want a cuppa?”

I freeze. For a moment I think: ‘hey, let’s pretend I didn’t hear her!’, but I don’t have my headphones on and I made eye contact. I am trapped, TRAPPED.

“M-Mhm.” I manage to whimper, nodding my head quickly.

“Then come over, don’t be shy. We’re all night owls here.”

There is a sense of community there that’s quite alluring, but the curious looks of that group of students really feel like cold daggers on my chest. Still, I gather all my courage and robotically walk over to the group, taking a styrofoam cup, and then watching the woman fill it up slowly with coffee as black as my soul. Just like I like it… just with a hint of sugar, though.

“So you finally came around again. I was wondering what happened to you.” The old lady looked at me, knowingly.

“You… you recognize me?” I can’t help but feel a mixture of happiness and abject horror mounting on my back.

“My child, I recognize every single person who comes to my library! I know them all, believe it or not! Including these rascals over here.”

The others laughed. I just looked at my coffee while mixing a teaspoon of sugar in it. She’s probably joking, right? I mean… there’s no way she actually memorizes every visitor, right?

“Maybe she’s a witch.”

Knowing what I know now? I wouldn’t be surprised. I just take a sip of my coffee.

“You’re not here to study for the special tests, are you?” The lady again read me like a saints’ damned book. “You’re looking for something special.”

“It’s nothing that ominous.” I quickly cover. “I am just looking for a particular book, but I am not sure where I could find it in the library.”

“Why not ask for help? I am right here, precisely for that!” The Librarian puffed up her chest. “If I don’t get anything to do, I get bored.”

“Ah, well, you see…” I start getting nervous again. I can’t just tell her the truth! What if I slip and this woman turns out to be a cloak testing me? Or worse, a sleeper! I am quite sure the whole ‘Secret of magic’ is a very serious matter! I could get her and myself in a big pickle!

The woman seems to notice my distress… and instead of trying to reassure me, the damn crone just goes and says:

“Is it poooorn you’re after, boy?~”

Saints help me.

The others are laughing and looking at me all smiley, why!? Why must this lady put me in a situation like this!?

“T-There’s the internet for stuff like that!” I blurt without thinking. “I mean! Ah! Damn it!”

More laughs. At this point my face must be lighting up red and radiating hotter than active uranium.

“I. Can’t. It’s a symbol!”

“A symbol?” One of the other students tilted his head with curiosity. “What kind of symbol? Are we talking chemical or arcane?”

“Nerd spotted. You’re among comrades here, breathe easy.”

It’s hard to breathe easy when people are actively laughing at me, saints damn it!

“It… symbolizes gold.” I finally relented. “I am not sure which one of the many, many interpretations it could be. I thought of the alchemical symbol for gold, or a Sun, who knows…”

“That’s a little vague.” The student said, frowning a little bit and rubbing the back of his neck. “The symbol is in the book? Like, on the cover?”

What am I even supposed to answer to that!?

“I. Think?”

“Well.” The Librarian recovers the reigns of the conversation with a grin. “If that thing you are looking for isn’t here? It may be a literature tome. You know, on the second floor.”

“Y-Yeah…” I sigh. This whole conversation has just been so stressful.

“Well! It could be the Golden Ratio!” One of the girls says. “You know the Golden Ratio?”

“Isn’t that the whole shell inside a rectangle thing?” I blink.

“Yeah! They use the helenian letter ‘phi’ to represent it.”

The girl is nice enough to draw it for me…

Phi
I stare at the symbol on the paper for a moment. That’s… actually useful. And it does make sense! It could be this! Suddenly inspired, I stand right up and finish what’s left from my coffee in one gulp, not even caring that it burns my damn throat as I do so.

“Okay, this works. Thank you!” Without even feeling the anxiety attack me again, I bow my head and turn around to go right for the stairs!


When Tav had turned around and moved out, the Leader of the Coven looked at her young apprentice with a frown, shaking her finger slowly at the girl.

“You shouldn’t be so obvious with your hints, young girl.” The woman shook her head softly. “We could have had fun with her for at least another hour!”

“I didn’t feel like being cruel today.” The apprentice said with a sleepy grin, while some of the others ruffled her hair and called her a ‘softie’. “The Bastard needs a way to learn! And it would be sad to see the Overseer waiting for another night…”


I rush past the empty reception desk on the second floor, joging without even caring about the ‘No Running’ rule as I go head first into the wooden shelves of the literature section. And it doesn’t even take me that many attempts to finally see something: a symbol carved on the wooden side of one of the shelves.

Phi. Lower case. Small enough to not be disruptive, but big enough to be noticeable.

My eyes widen, and I immediately approach the symbol with awe invading my body. I don’t even dare to touch it at first, that’s how big my excitement is! Whatever does this mean!? Is this whole building the Elysium? Or just the second floor? Isn’t this place way too public for what they mean to do?

Finally giving up on trying to be cautious, I just touch the symbol. For a moment nothing happens, and I feel the panic starting to take over again.

“Trust the process, maybe it takes a moment!”

I keep my finger pressed on the carved symbol for a moment, taking slow, deep breaths as I try to keep myself from going into a saints damned anxiety attack. But then, something does happen. Octarine, that strange colour, starts filtering from my very veins and into the symbol, filling in the carving before flowing on the air like a river of vibrant purple-green. It advances in front of my eyes, dancing and spiraling before flowing deeper into the library.

“What…?”

“What are you waiting for!?”

“Follow it!”

I don’t have to tell myself twice! My legs don’t have the energy to keep running, but the colour is not flowing super fast, so I can just walk behind it until it reaches an empty wall on the deepest side of the second floor. I put my hand against it and push slightly, this time trying to cause the flow myself! My excitement knows no bounds when the colours flow from my forearm to my palm, and then spread on the wall like vines growing in all directions.

“Idiot! What if someone can see you!?”

Biting my lower lip, I quickly turn around. No one followed me, good! I can focus again on the wall, or in this case the lack of it: where there was a wall now there’s an entrance, a black hole just waiting for me to jump in. With a sigh, I decide to ignore my anxieties and just go into the darkness, being quickly surrounded by it as the wall quickly appears again behind me.

It takes a moment for my eyes to get used to the room, but when they do the way is clear: a spiral stairway going up.

“More stairs… why do people here love their stairs!?”

With a frustrated grumble, I take a step on the stairs, only for them to start moving on their own. Huh. Now that’s convenient! I just let them take me higher and higher, without even questioning how they move without mechanisms or electricity. Magic is just Like That™.

It doesn’t take long until the light hits me: a faint, gentle blue light, like a beautiful night sky. My observation proves right on the money, for what I find on top of the stairway is a tremendous planetarium: a dome of darkness with distant white lights showing the spectacle of the stars right above us.

There are some tables and chairs around, some bookshelves too… and sitting on one of them, was the specter of someone I know. The figure of a certain book vendor.

Miss Pelafina gently brushed some of her dyed black hair behind her ear to look at me with a mocking grin.

“Took you long enough, didn’t it? Kid.”

Alice Munro, winner of the 2012 Nobel Prize in Literature and one of the all-time greatest writers of short fiction, recently passed away. She's been my favourite author since I first discovered her work, so while I go through my own re-reading of her bibliography, I'll be posting semi-regularly here to talk about aspects of her work that I find absolutely brilliant.
Of everything she's written, I think that "Tell Me Yes or No," featured in Munro's 1974 collection Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You represents a perfect introduction to her writing style, the feminism of her early stories, and the way in which she uses narrative construction to explore the subjectivity of her characters. It's also has possibly the best hook for a story she's ever written, as it begins:

I persistently imagine you dead.
You told me that you loved me years ago. Years ago. And I said that I too, I was in love with you in those days. An exaggeration.

Alice Munro regularly uses second-person perspectives in her writing, but never like this. Her stories are often epistolary, with letters featuring crucially into the plots of a couple dozen I can think of off the top of my head (Friend of My Youth and Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage are among the most effective, if you're curious). But rarely is a story directly addressed to someone by a protagonist, in the way that it is here. This story has a venom which drips from off the page.
After the narrative hook, the narratoprotagonist brusquely allows us into understanding the source of her contempt. We quickly learn how they met: she was a young mother and a University student, living with her husband in a dormitory of other married couples called The Huts; he lived there as well, as a graduate student, with a wife and child of his own. The student culture she describes is conservative and somewhat repressed: the wives/mothers of The Huts are "creatures of daily use" (87) who rise every night to insert diaphragms or to take other contraceptives, and sex has "shrunk" from an apocalyptic undertaking to another chore. Though there was "no infidelity in The Huts," and "flashes of lust" were uncommon, it is through this man that our narrator "got a glimpse of something [...] that we had not been thinking about — had put aside in your case, or not yet discovered, in mine."
And for a moment, a glimpse is all that Munro gives, as through prolepsis, the story advances to a later year and a remembered conversation, which is presumably also the time when this man told the narrator that he had been in love with her then. It's through this reminiscence that the story moves into the first moments of their emotional affair, : "We never said anything of importance. We never touched each other. [...] Next day, or the day after, when I was reading as usual on the couch, I felt myself drop a lovely distance, thinking of you, and that was the beginning, I suppose, the realization of what more there still could be." (88) Despite only a short walk across campus together during which nothing was said and no one was touched, both parties recall this moment as the significant one in their relationship. For the narrator, it has a transformative effect on her life: "This kind of tension was new to me then. I could not gauge and manipulate, as later with other men." (88) That she brings up manipulation, here, is interesting; we'll find out why, later, but I do want to highlight how Munro will sprinkle things like this into a character's narration which reveal so much of their interiority. Why is she, with this man, so concerned about being able to gauge and manipulate? And why, in the narration, does she go from kind reminiscence to immediately asking the question:

Would you like to know how I was informed of your death?

Mind, now, that it was never established until here that the person she is writing to actually is dead. In the opening, it's only an imagining, "I persistently imagine you dead." For the rest of the story it will seem as if this all is true, and that he has died; but the brilliance of the opening line, beyond its value to draw in a reader, is that now the entire narrative shifts to unstable ground. From now on every action that the narrator takes in the present could be a fantasy, or could be real. It's presented at face value: "I go into the faculty kitchen, to make myself a cup of coffee before my 10 o'clock class. Dodie Charles who is always baking something has brought a cherry pound cake. [...] It is wrapped in wax paper and then in a newspaper. [...] As I wait for my water to boil I see the small item, the modest headline, VETERAN JOURNALIST DIES. [...] Only then do I realize. Your name. The city where you lived and died. A heart attack, that will do" (88-89).
While detailing this narrative of hers, though, the narrator can't help pointing towards the invention of it all: "(The thing we old pros know about, in these fantasies, is the importance of detail, solidity; yes, a cherry pound cake)" (88). When she concludes by saying, "A heart attack, that will do," it isn't pithy, it's another aside, emphasizing the arbitrary construction of her fantasy. All right. So he's not dead. What follows, then, if not a real description of the narrator's subsequent actions, shows that a tremendous amount of thought has gone into building this fantasy. In my version of the text, the story runs from page 86-101, 15 pages; everything said so far has been to frame whatever else follows.
I'll not spend so much time close-reading from here, but briefly: the narrator mentions her habit of carrying the last letter she's received from this man in her purse; upon hearing of his death, the fact that she's not received a letter in a while suddenly resolves itself, and it's a weight off her shoulders. She confides in a coworker, a man named Gus Marks, who suggests she talk to a psychiatrist. She laughs at this, "For I am absorbed in another plan. As soon as the term ends [...] I mean to go visit you, to visit the city where you died." (90) Analepsis: the fantasy/narrative breaks for a moment once again to recall their meeting two years before, where the two confessed that they had loved each other; she learns about his wife's bookstore, he learns about her divorce; he drives her to the airport and she, "was not unhappy at the thought of never seeing you again" (91); instead of the airport, though, they arrive at a hotel together. She muses, "I loved you for linking me with my past [...] If I could kindle love then and take it now there was less waste than I had thought. [...] My life did not altogether fall away in separate pieces, lost." (92)
In the present (fantasy) she gets on the flight across the country, to city where he died. She's only been there once before (it's where they met and rekindled their romance), but now can't help searching the streets for memories of him. She recalls his character, how she saw him, and how he saw himself: "I would say that you are uncompromising [...] that there is something chivalric about you" (94); "You, on the other hand, would describe yourself as genial, corrupt, ordinarily selfish and pleasure-loving." This might be a good time to remember how the story starts, with the narrator describing her past love for him as "an exaggeration." If she was exaggerating then, she must have truly been in love with him here; which is what makes it so devastating when suddenly that love is taken away from her, with nothing to show for it but scraps of letters. "From the beginning, of course, I knew that this was a dangerous way to live," she says, and when the letters stop arriving begins seeking answers in the usual places, reading "case histories" of mistresses in women's journals, and confiding in a friend (a woman) who advises presence and living in the moment. "I have tried this, I will try anything, but I don't understand how it works." (95) So what does work for her?

I have bought a map. I have found your street, the block where your house is. [...] I don't go there yet. [...] That is a house you never meant me to see. [...] Now I can see it if I want to. [...] I go to your wife's store. That is what I can do. (95-96)

She loiters around important areas of this man's life, particularly his home and his wife's store, places that bear incredible significance to the person that she loved, but which he could never welcome her into. She mentions in an aside how these places are opposite to the ones they got to share: temporary spaces that wait for his arrival to come alive. Now she sees the wife, newly widowed in this fantasy, going about her day-to-day life. She recognizes her voice from their time together back in The Huts, and prays that she isn't recognized in turn. After a few days of loitering around the shop, though, she is confronted: "'I think I know who you are' [...] 'We've all noticed you hanging around here. At first I thought you were a shoplifter. I told everyone to keep an eye on you. But you're not a shoplifter, are you?'" (97). The woman gives her a paper bag full of letters, and smugly announces, as if we didn't know, that her husband is dead. In the bag is the record of their correspondence together, which ended when he died at his desk of that heart attack: "But then I notice that the writing is not mine. I start to read. These letters are not mine, they were not written by me." (98)
This, to me, is the true brilliance of the story. Because even if you accept that this is all a fantasy, the fact that something like this exists within that fantasy is so illuminating towards the narrator of this story. In her fantasy, she flies across the country to flaneur around the memory of the man she had an affair with. Alright. She loiters in the vision of her paramour's widow long enough to be recognized, caught, and admonished. And then she finds out that this wasn't even true: the letters aren't her own; he was having another affair with a woman named Patricia. Then, finally, she returns to the bookstore and returns the letters: "'I didn't write these letters' 'Aren't you her?' 'No. I don't know who she is. I don't know.' 'Why did you take them?' 'I didn't understand. I didn't know what you were talking about. I've had a grief lately and sometimes — I'm not paying attention.'" (99)
Her and the widow talk briefly, but they don't ultimately become friends. She walks away from the store, and, "In this city of my imagination," (100), she thinks about the other woman he was writing to: long uncombed black hair, sitting in the dark, "She confides in a woman, goes to bed with a man [...] She suffers according to rules we all know, which are meaningless and absolute." (100) This calls to mind the earlier description of nightly routines back in The Huts, of sex as an apocalypse-made-chore, and of the women who became "creatures of daily use" (87). When I talk about Alice Munro's feminism, it isn't that her characters suffer great tragedies on account of their sex. Instead they're trapped inside of metanarratives that leave them yearning for an alternative to such "meaningless and absolute" rules. Not only that, the narrator in this case tries to have a fraction of the power over this man that he's exerted, possibly without meaning to, over her:

When I think of her I see all this sort of love as you must have seen, or see it, as something going on at a distance; a strange, not even pitiable expenditure; unintelligible ceremony in an unknown faith. Am I right, am I getting close to you, is that true? (100)

She's now shifted herself into the place of the widow from earlier. She's understood him before as a lover; now she's trying to understand him as an adulterer, as someone who never took her that seriously, who possibly never loved her ("an exaggeration") as much as she knows that she loved him. More than that, she wants to get close to him, in an even more intimate way than she's ever been able to, before quickly realizing what a fool's errand that would be. Did he actually love her? He is the one who said it first. "How are we to understand you?" she asks, before withdrawing the question entirely:

Never mind. I invented her. I invented you, as far as my purposes go. I invented loving you and I invented your death. I have my tricks and my trap doors too. I don't understand their workings at the present moment, but I have to be careful, I won't speak against them. (101)

One thing I love about this story is how playful it is, despite the tone never shifting too far away from the contemptuous frustration of the opening passage. The more I read it (and I've probably read this more than any other Munro story), the more details I find to pick out in its construction, of how Alice Munro layered in all these details both to sell the fantasy of her character, and also the character herself. Talking to a man within the fantasy about how she really ought to speak to a psychiatrist reads to me now like Munro having fun with her protagonist's obsession. But I also love that this story is never presented as a woman losing control of herself, even though that would be so easy to do. By allowing the fantasy narrative to be as real as the "true" memories presented alongside of it, she never comes off as irrational or manic, or even jilted until the very end of it, even though to construct such a narrative, with such attention-to-detail and so many layers of fantasy does betray a person who is not coping with loss as well as she claims to be.
It's a strikingly real portrait of a strikingly plausible woman, who married young and therefore never experienced her idea of a romance until years later, rekindling with a man she briefly knew, only for him to disappear from her life again just as quickly. Twice, now, her life had been upended because he showed her something else from the life she had been living; but at the same time, he never truly fit into the narrative of her own life.
Along those lines, there are also a lot of details conspicuously missing from this story about the narrator's life apart from this man: her divorce is briefly mentioned, and experiences with other men; but we never know how much this affair factored into any of those relationships besides a guess at what may have been awakened. We see very little of her as a mother, except that she was pushing a stroller home from the drug store when they first met, and that their romance starts shortly after both her children are away at college themselves for the first time. It's not that any of these details are particularly relevant; I think it's actually interesting how irrelevant they are. One thing that the narrator is trying to do throughout the story is contextualize her feelings for this man within some idea of a life-story. Instead, what we're given is a fractured narrative, with only brief glimpses of real shared moments together, held together by a fantasy in which she portrays both the spurned lover and the homewrecker. The only way she can continue on with her life, therefore, is to persistently imagine him dead.
What Alice Munro does with narrative, in such a short-form as her stories take, is absolutely brilliant. I can't recommend enough picking up a collection of hers, opening to any story she's written, and see how effortlessly she manipulates time, memory and fantasy to suit the needs of the characters she's trying to create. This story ends with the admission that this man who the narrator's addressing is, for her own purposes, basically fictional. She will never understand him. Any love that she had for him couldn't possibly be real under such conditions. And yet, she did love him, despite being an invention, despite her own fantasy.
Because how else could you love a person, or even begin understanding a person, unless they were a little bit fictional to you, existing just a little bit within your imagination?

Are you losing out on potential patients because when people look for medical services in your region on Google Maps, your hospital or clinic isn't listed?
Google My Business is here to assist you, so don't worry.
Ensuring that your clinic or hospital is among the top listings for local healthcare services can be achieved by claiming and improving your Google My Business listing. This will increase your internet presence, reputation within the community, and visibility. Keep potential patients from being drawn away by your rivals. Take control of your Google My Business listing right now to stay competitive!
Google My Business is an effective tool that can greatly improve your reputation and internet visibility. It provides many features designed especially to help medical practitioners. This blog post will discuss the significance of Google My Business for healthcare providers and offer helpful advice on how to maximize your online visibility.
Making the Most of Visibility and Reach
Healthcare providers can benefit from the Google My Business (GMB) program, which helps them show up in local map listings and Google search results. You can boost your chances of drawing in prospective patients in your neighborhood by making your profile as good as it can be.
Google shows a map with local listings at the top of the search results page when someone searches for healthcare services. Your practice's exposure and reach can be greatly increased by being visible in this important location. It makes sure that when prospective patients search for services in your area, they find your medical practice first. Make sure to include correct and current information about your practice, such as your address, phone number, and website link, to improve your discoverability.
For the purpose of drawing in new patients and retaining existing ones, having comprehensive practice details is crucial. You can facilitate prospective patients' finding and communication with your office by making sure all of your information is current and accurate. Make sure your data are correct now to avoid missing out on the chance to expand your practice!
Developing Credibility and Trust
Trust is crucial in the healthcare industry, and GMB offers a number of features to support you in building and preserving trust with your patients. GMB has an integrated review management system, which is one of its strongest characteristics.
Reviews and ratings regarding their interactions with your medical practice can be left by patients. Good evaluations have the power to greatly improve your reputation and credibility. Negative reviews, on the other hand, provide you the chance to speak with the reviewers directly and rectify any problems.
Consistently keeping an eye on reviews and answering them demonstrates to your patients your appreciation for their input and dedication to deliver top-notch service. By interacting with patients on this platform, you can also show prospective patients how committed you are to their care, which will increase their trust in selecting your clinic.
Features Particular to Healthcare Providers
Google My Business offers tailored functionality to healthcare providers based on their individual requirements. You may provide prospective patients with all the information they need to book an appointment or find out more about your practice by emphasizing your precise operating hours, contact details, and services provided.
Furthermore, patients may easily make appointments from your profile if you have an appointment scheduling system integrated with Google My Business. This tool improves the entire patient experience by saving time for both your staff and the patients.
It is essential to highlight any telehealth choices or COVID-19 safety precautions you have put in place, especially given the present political atmosphere. You are comforting patients by making this information readily visible on your Google My Business profile.
Healthcare: Local Search Engine Optimization (SEO)
For healthcare providers, Google My Business is a vital component of local search engine optimization (SEO). You can improve your chances of coming up in pertinent local searches by optimizing your business profile. Make sure you choose the categories that best represent your healthcare practice when setting up your profile. This makes it easier for Google to identify your area of expertise and direct training to people who are looking for local healthcare services.
Adding pertinent keywords to other sections, such as your business description, will help you rank higher in local searches. Think about utilizing terms that prospective clients would use to find local healthcare providers. You can learn more about your visibility by routinely examining your Google My Business Insights.
Many elements that Google My Business provides can help increase patient conversions and persuade prospective patients to choose your business. Use the "Request a Quote" and "Message" options to make it simple for prospective clients to contact you with inquiries or to learn more about your services. By answering questions right away, you increase the chance of conversion by demonstrating to prospective patients that you are aware of their needs and receptive.
Patient conversions can also be impacted by including evaluations and ratings from Google My Business into your website. Positive patient testimonials displayed prominently on your website can increase prospective patients' confidence and trust in you, increasing the likelihood that they will select your office over others.
You can get useful information for improving your marketing strategy by using Google My Business Insights to analyze patterns in patient behavior. It is possible to better target your future efforts to draw in and convert more patients by knowing what kind of material appeals to your audience and what keywords generate interest and traffic.
In summary
Having a strong online presence and effectively engaging with patients are crucial for healthcare providers. For your medical practice, Google My Business has the potential to be revolutionary. You may promote your skills, increase your credibility and visibility, and draw in new patients by employing this effective tool to the fullest. It will help your practice expand like never before.
You may improve your profile, incorporate methods for scheduling appointments, and present your services in a way that appeals to customers to get the most out of Google My Business. To enhance your marketing strategies and maintain a competitive edge, you can also monitor patient reviews and leverage audience data.
Utilizing Google My Business's capabilities can help your healthcare business grow to new heights in the modern digital era. So why hold off? Take use of this platform right now to start seeing results! Do give us a call if you need assistance.

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome he thought she was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.

I get frustrated with genius annotations, especially re: Vampire Weekend's discography. While I was reading through some of the lyrics last night, it struck me how surface level many of the associations are on the lyric page for "Ice Cream Piano," which is a shame for such a thematically rich song.
That said, I decided to take a stab at dissecting the song as a whole, while tying some of the more obscure references with themes in the larger project.

Verse 1

"Fuck the world," /you/ said it quiet No one could hear you, no one but /me/ "Cynical, you can't deny it" 

Ezra seems to be describing a conversation between "himself" and "his partner" reacting to an unspecified issue. "She" reacted to something, and "he" criticizes that reaction. However, there is some ambiguity regarding who exactly is saying the last line; is it the singer himself, or is he quoting her as he did the opening line?
This ambiguity is a carried theme throughout the rest of the song, and as the lyrics continue, which side is throwing out accusations becomes less relevant. The implied goal of these first lines is to frame the rest of the song as an argument between two individuals, and to show the sneaky ways in which their conflicting viewpoints mirror each other.
I think it's important to mention here that, ahead of "Father of the Bride," Ezra spoke about wanting to move away from the more impressionistic style present in earlier Vampire Weekend records and experiment in writing lyrics where the general theme of the song can be understood in the first few lines. Furthermore, during the Zane Low release interview for "Only God Was Above Us," Ezra dove deep into the track listing process, stating he knew early on that "Ice Cream Piano" needed to be the opening track.
Knowing these two facts, these deceptively unassuming lines in fact carry a significant weight. Where the high-level reading describes a conflict between two individuals, the deeper understanding is that they each represent a conflicting philosophy or idea -- a conflict that will serve as the central thematic core for the album as a whole.

"You don't want to win this war 'cause you don't want the peace Armistice, /we/ never tried it *You're* the soldier, *I'm* police Listen, baby, we can't deny it You don't want to win this war 'cause you don't want the peace" 

As this section of the song is accompanied by a second vocal track, we can assume these lines as sung to each other, implying that their only point of agreement is the recognition of the other's uncompromising nature.
Armistice, simply stopping conflict, is so beyond an option because they're hypocrites -- criticizing the other based on one's subjective position. In her eyes, he's the soldier; in his, police. In this metaphor, one serves as the agitator and the other as defender.

Verse 2

The word was weaponized as soon as it had passed your lips 

The "word" here seems to be either war or peace. But with either it's a loaded offer because, as implied earlier, they're not engaging with the other's viewpoint in good faith and, as such, their criticisms are unfounded. His distaste towards cynicism and her more myopically aligned viewpoint sit diametrically opposed. Their definition of peace is incompatible. As the music builds, it seems to come in conflict with Ezra's vocals; he's nearly shouting as they climb and create a barrage of competing sounds.

I am a gentleman, I refuse to show my gentleness Fuck around and find out, the angry child recites this every day The universe will pry out, the truth which is you've got nothin' to say 

What's interesting about this verse is that, on first reading, the beginning of each statement seems to support the last -- as if said by the same person. However, on closer inspection it seems as though the following mocks the prior; "I am a gentleman, I refuse to show my gentleness" is clearly self contradictory -- as are the other two when read as single statements.
When split at their conflicting point as "I am a gentleman," and separately, "I refuse to show my gentleness," it continues to follow the theme set in Verse 1 of a conversation between two individuals. So, the verse can be read as:

I am a gentleman, I refuse to show my gentleness Fuck around and find out, the angry child recites this every day The universe will pry out, the truth which is you've got nothin' to say 

When one side says something, the other interrupts and mocks that statement. This pattern can be observed in the following two lines. However, by choosing to frame both the initial statement and its contradiction in the first person, Ezra is able to explore the narcissism present in the respective ideologies of the two individuals. They cannot see past their own egos to agree with the other, because the criticisms levied by one are exactly those which the other is accusing them of. As the verse continues, this rising tension and anger becomes more pointed and prevents either side from finishing a complete statement, the screams of one silence the other; and as they are both screaming, neither is able to say anything of import.

Fuck around and find out, the angry child recites this every day 

Following this, the second line is a slightly more direct accusation, presumably in the third person.

The universe will pry out, the truth which is you've got nothin' to say 

The final line is a direct accusation, and the only of the three in second person.
It becomes clear here that Ezra seems to be less interested in the specific opposing ideas and more in the conflict between the two, and the dissonance between that conflict and each of the participant's apparent similarities. The words each one says are weaponized before they are even uttered, demolishing any chance for good faith discussion.

Chorus

In dreams, I scream piano, I softly reach the high note The world don't recognize a singer who won't sing 

There are a couple bits of wordplay happening here, outside of the dream imagery.
The first, and most obvious, is the phrasing of "Ice Cream Piano" in the title and "I Scream Piano" in the verse; pointing back to the song's overarching metaphor, "Ice Cream Piano" and "I Scream Piano" are simple homophones, which is to say they are two different phrases spoken the same way -- here, two ideas saying the same thing.
The second bit of wordplay is the actual usage of "I scream piano." Ezra is purposefully employing the Italian-rooted musical usage of "piano" which, when present in a composition, means to play that section quietly. The second half of the line turns yet another self-contradictory observation into a double-entendre; the "screaming" piano is softened by the instruction of "piano."
The first line of the chorus, when coupled with the second, paints a picture of someone who desperately wants to express their beliefs but, whether it be because the screams are quiet or because screams themselves are not songs, the "singer" and their "song" are rejected by the world at large.
Framing this whole verse as a dream connects these ideas to the larger themes of the song, as being unable to run or scream in a dream is a fairly common experience for people, it seems as though Ezra is using the chorus here to highlight the end of the second verse, "the truth which is you've got nothing to say."
Another equally valid analysis is to literalize the quiet screaming; the anger and animosity between the couple motivates them only to scream, and never to sing. Their unending fighting reduces any opportunity for growth through debate to rubble; at this point, they just don't fucking like each other.

Verse 3

You talk of Serbians, whisper Kosovar Albanians The boy's Romanian, third generation Transylvanian I see the vampires walkin', don't be gripped by fear, you aren't next We're all the sons and daughters of vampires who drained the old world's necks 

Russian iconography is further mentioned throughout "Only God Was Above Us," and serves as one of the more important throughlines of the album -- connecting Ezra's familial history in Eastern Europe, their ties with Russia, and its relationship to modern issues. This, as the first reference in the album to Russia at large, works as a bit of place setting.
Here, the specific namedrops highlight the same conflict described earlier in the song; the Serbians and Kosovo were once a united country as Yugoslavia, but were split by civil war as a result of fundamental ideological differences at the end of the last millennium. Moreover, the usage of "talk" versus "whisper" implies open discussion about the first (Serbia) and the need to sweep the more complicated history of the second (The Kosovar Albanians, the Kosovo War) under the rug.
The conflict between Romania, Kosovo, and Serbia is a deeply complicated and delicate situation that spans generations of ideological and political conflict. The mention of the Romanian's history surrounded by the context of Serbia and Kosovo, and the subsequent criticism of that observation, again highlights the nature of the conflict between the two individuals in the song: where one recognizes the material legacy of these terrible "vampires," the other points out that the new generation is not the old, and are not necessarily beholden to their crimes or traditions.

Chorus 2

In dreams, I scream piano, I softly reach the high note The world don't recognize a singer who won't sing 

Outro / Chorus 3

In dreams, I scream piano, I softly reach the high note The world don't recognize a singer who won't sing 

The repetition of the choruses at the end of the song, combined with the strong call-and-response of the instrumentation between and after the chorus and outro sections, points towards an unending conflict. By the end of the song's narrative, neither side has arrived at a compromise. In reference to the album, "Ice Cream Piano" serves as a massive "YOU ARE HERE" marker on a larger map of western and American political culture. There's a pretty clear line to draw from the struggle between the two characters described in this song and the ouroboric nature of modern-day political discourse, as we witness two parties cannibalize each other in an attempt to garner support from a majority of peoples. But to say that's the entire message of the song feels reductive to the incredible songwriting here. Even that conclusion lends to the broader observation of two ideas that exist only to oppose the other.
Fuckin Ezra, man

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome she thought HE was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.

I'm back at it again with another hypothetical chapter. I know that the D&D chapter was just announced, but I was only halfway done with this by Tuesday. I was just a little late ;-;. Just like the previous post, any and all numbers, or lackthereof, are purely hypothetical general ideas.

Map: The Underdark

For the map, all that's needed is just simple ideas, and for this, I would like to see a chunk of the Underdark as a map, a large cavernous underground region full of dark energy and darker denizens. A section of the map, similar to Vecna's map, could be the Mind Flayer's lair.

The Psychic

The Psychic would be a D&D Mind Flayer, a telepathic monster with a squid-like face, and a taste for the intelligent. Power: Mental Dominion

The Psychic can use their vast well of psychic energy as a weapon or to bring forth allies. When your gauge is full, press and hold the Active Ability button to begin charging. When fully charged, press the Attack button to fire a mind blast, or press the Secondary Ability button to conjure forth an Intellect Devourer.

Special Attack: Mind Blast

Fire a short ranged blast of psychic energy, overloading your target, even through obstacles. Hitting a survivor will injure or down them, unless the blast went through an obstacle, triggering Killer Instinct for a short duration instead. (I imagine this working similar to Executioner's ranged attack, but without the injury possibility since it'd be less predictable.)

Special Ability: Intellect Devourers

A conjured Intellect Devourer will wander the map for a long duration and is able to vault over windows and pallets. It wanders at random, but is attracted to scratch marks, generators that are being actively repaired, and loud sound notifications. The Intellect Devourer will instantly detect any survivor that is not hiding in a small radius and begin pursuing them. During this time, it notifies the killer and its aura becomes yellow. It will continue to follow a survivor until it loses them, its timer runs out, or it becomes blinded or stunned. Additionally, survivors can grab and dispel the Intellect Devourer after channeling for a short duration, though this reveals their aura during and afterwards for a length of time. (The key part of the Intellect Devourers is that they don't deal damage and only give intel. As a survivor, do you risk the constant information feed of it following you, or do you dispel it, giving the killer stronger information. For non-D&D fans, Intellect Devourers are medium dog sized monsters that look like brains on legs.)

Perk 1: Unfinished Business

Your simpleminded foes can’t understand the satisfaction in completing one task at a time. Whenever a survivor stops repairing a generator without it being completed or blocked, their aura is revealed for a few seconds. After this perk activates, it goes on cooldown for 60/45/30 seconds. "The mind’s greatest weakness is distraction." — Unknown Scholar

**Perk 2: Unraveled Strategy

With each capture, their plan crumbles. Each time you hook a survivor, the auras of all generators that have progress are revealed to you for a few seconds. If a generator is completed during this time, all other generators become blocked for some time. "Disruption is the first step to domination."

Perk 3: Failure Cascade

Your menacing mind games cause mistakes to multiply. Each time a survivor fails a skill check, Failure Cascade gains a token. For each token, all survivors have a slightly increased chance of triggering a skill check, up to a maximum. Each time a survivor achieves a great success on a skill check, Failure Cascade loses a token. One mistake begets another…

Notes: I imagine the Psychic being a great M1 killer with a lot of information options. I know BHVR hates gen-control perks, but I feel that they provide ways to add control without just regressing.

Elias Greymantle

I know we all absolutely love Aestri, so please be gentle judging this survivor OC. For D&D buffs, he's a human cleric, though I feel that the perks make it pretty obvious. Bio:

“Elias Greymantle was a revered cleric, known for his unwavering faith and dedication to protecting the innocent. His life took a tragic turn when his adventuring party was ambushed by Mind Flayers, leaving him the sole survivor. Driven by grief and a vow to eradicate the abominations, he relentlessly pursued his quarry, always one step behind. During one such hunt, in the heat of battle against his foe, Elias was ensnared by the Entity and brought into its nightmarish realm. Stripped of his past and thrust into perpetual trials, Elias now fights to bring hope and protection to other survivors, using his divine gifts to combat the darkness and seek an end to the Entity's reign.”

Perk 1: Divine Protection

Divine energy shines down upon you and your allies when it is most needed. When unhooking or being unhooked, the survivor doing the unhooking also gains Endurance and Haste for a short time. Then this perk goes on cooldown for 150/120/90 seconds. Completing an altruistic action reduces the cooldown by 10 seconds. "In the light of the divine, we find our strength."

Perk 2: Retribution

You’re determined to fight back, even through insurmountable odds. After getting unhooked, Retribution activates. While active, stunning or blinding the killer will slow them by 10/20/30% and grant you 10/20/30% increased speed for 5 seconds. During this time, your aura and the killer’s aura are revealed to all survivors. Then Retribution deactivates.

Perk 3: Inspiration

Just your presence on the battlefield inspires others to strive for victory. When you are completing a cooperative action, you shroud your allies in protective energy. If you or other survivors also completing the action fail a skill check, no noise is made, but you lose an additional 6/4/2% of progress. Additionally, when either you or the other survivors stop the cooperative action, you each receive 2/4/6% Haste for 5 seconds. "With each task completed, we draw closer to salvation."

Notes: I imagine Elias as a strong support that has a number of ways to adapt to a situation. I have to be fair, and typing this a second time for the reddit post has made me realize just how uninspired his perks are, since 1 is just BT for the savior, and 3 is just a better Technician. Not to mention the accidental matching name with the real D&D reveal on Tuesday. (To be fair, I made this perk before Tuesday's reveal)

Conclusion

I appreciate everyone's time reading this and hope that the killer, power, and perks are compelling and creative. Please comment what you think so we can have open discussion. Thank you!

There is great benefit, these days, in having a name unlike any other: you float to the top of Google searches. Bolerium Books, in San Francisco, knows this well, although it wasn’t a consideration when it first opened, in 1981. Bolerium’s co-owner, John Durham, runs through any number of explanations for the name, depending on whose leg he wants to pull and how hard. “It was an ancient road in Roman times,” he intoned recently, “large, funny, and sluggish,” while another co-owner, Alexander Akin, roundly mouthed, “Not true.” (The word is a Roman one for Land’s End, in Cornwall, England. The bookstore was once a bit closer to the ocean.) Fittingly, there is no other place like Bolerium, not on the Internet nor in the province of the real. Similes come steadily, none of which really seem to fit. Perhaps Durham’s is best. “We’re like a platypus,” he told me recently, “ugly as fuck and all sorts of parts.”.
This moment of serious American protest against Trump has led to one of Bolerium Books’ best sales years ever.Photograph by Thor Swift / NYT / Redux.
At last count, the store contained 67,385 single titles in stock. Estimates of the time that has elapsed since the last deep cleaning ranged from a jokey “twenty years ago” to a hemming “define ‘clean.’ ” “Nature abhors a vacuum,” Durham quickly noted. A store map gestures at the sheer amount of stuff, with sections labelled as “Reef of Flotsam” or “Onset of Confusion” (right by the entrance), or, in one cramped corner, “Hell.”
The semi-barbed humor protects something serious and deeply essential. Few people walk in (“the door is locked to keep out the unworthy,” Durham wrote in response to a negative Yelp review, though he made sure to mention the password, “swordfish”). Those who do manage to enter find, three floors above one of the Mission District’s busiest intersections, a vast and quiet space populated by seven staff members, thousands of books about and from social movements, densely packed rows of pamphlets and ephemera, and, in the adjacent storage room, great snowbanks of paper. These snowbanks, or “midden heaps,” as Durham calls them, are from attics, basements, personal archives, and libraries across the country. They have all been sold or donated to Bolerium. In them, evidence of the past is to be found, possibly reckoned with, and then, hopefully, sold.
From Bolerium’s snowbanks have come copies of On Our Backs (a lesbian erotic magazine put out in response to the anti-pornography publication Off Our Backs), century-old postcards of pacifist Doukhobors protesting in the nude, intricate Black Panther posters and handbills, an issue of Lumberjack (“with appendix on musical saw”), and the famous inter-commune Kaliflower newsletters from early-nineteen-seventies San Francisco. But with a staff so expert that they can translate a Mongolian treatise on traditional Oirat law using a handmade cheat sheet, classifications like “famous” and “obscure” begin to blur. So do “past” and “present.” Rather than a platypus, maybe the store is more like an estuary: the disparate holdings mingle, rolling in and out according to murky tides. (If you visit the Web site and browse the digital catalog by date, the tides begin to feel more explicable; one week, for example, carries a huge wave of Alan Watts-related material. The next week brings a crush of gay romance novels.) At Bolerium, for better and worse, you can wade around in what Durham calls “the primary source material for history.”
Here is an 1838 publication by the American Anti-Slavery Society and a brochure arguing for the Equal Rights Amendment. A pamphlet from a 1928 speech by Marcus Garvey sits not far from a publication on “incidents in the Life of Eugene V. Debs” written by his brother, Theodore (once, before an important speech, a piece of barbed wire tore “a great rent in [Debs’s] trousers . . . the flap of which hung down like the ear of a Missouri houn’ pup”). Among many other small, sheeny pins is a button from the 1990 AIDS Walk in San Francisco. Here are fliers that passed from hand to hand at protests, meant to convince, assuage, and inflame, and here’s a lump of coal from a miners’ strike in Alabama with tiny chicken-scratch wording: “never forget.” Notably, this year of serious American protest has been the store’s best sales year ever.
Not marked on the map is that other part of American history that has, this year and every other, raged—a section that Durham loosely calls “the White Problem” and keeps behind the locked door of a different room altogether. Accessible to scholars and those who know to ask, the spindly bookcases contain titles like “Gun Control Means People Control” and “Fluoridation & Truth Decay,” as well as several publications by the John Birch Society. “You can’t understand American history without understanding the far right,” Durham told me. “What it’s done, its justifications, its tropes and idiocies.”
It was to the deepest corner of the storeroom that the archivist Lisbet Tellefsen was drawn one afternoon. (Tellefsen visits Bolerium as a “treasure hunter,” and has amassed the largest collection of Angela Davis-related material in the world.) One time, she idly tugged out an issue of The Bayviewer, a magazine that once served the historic black neighborhood that James Baldwin characterized as “the San Francisco America pretends does not exist.”
.
The magazine fell open to a page bearing the face of Tellefsen’s father, whom she had not seen since she was two, in an advertisement for his Oldsmobile dealership. That led to an ongoing saga of tracking down half-siblings and cousins found on Ancestry.com. “There is so much history there,” Tellefsen told me. She visits Bolerium once a month, wary of buying back her own consigned material. “It’s so rich with connections. We have an understanding of history, but places like that hold so much.” Bolerium’s official motto, “Fighting Commodity Fetishism with Commodity Fetishism since 1981,” does not quite distill the feeling of holding some of these discoveries between your fingers, or explain the way that ephemera can work to vivify history, very often through its ordinariness. A bit of light browsing recently unearthed a flier from a class reunion of Florida’s first accredited African-American high school, as well as an Electrolux manual from 1933 listing Pope Pius XI as a famous customer.
But history is ongoing, and the present moment needs its collectors. During the Occupy Movement, the store paid a dollar for each flyer or poster that people brought in, then put together a sweeping collection for the British Library. Holdings from contemporary social movements are fairly small, since so much planning, discussing, and arguing takes place on Facebook and Twitter. “Occupy was the last one to have lots of leaflets,” Akin told me, somewhat sadly. Currently, he is collecting material from what he calls the “shock-and-disbelief period” following the 2016 Presidential election. Only from “marinating in the sauce of time” do these things begin to accrue both value and interest.
.
Recently, in one snowbank, Akin found a sketch done in creamy pastel of a basalt mountain and drifting clouds. Tiny guard towers dotted the background. It was a drawing of the view from Tule Lake Segregation Center, the largest of the incarceration camps that held Japanese-Americans during the Second World War, and the one which held those people deemed by the government to be “disloyal.” The artist was a man named Tomokazu, surname unknown, who resided for over thirty-five years in Plumas County, California, before being imprisoned at Tule Lake. The piece of paper sat among countless others all bearing dispatches of one kind or another from the past, which is not a foreign country, really, but a place hovering just under our present, and made of paper and ink, buttons, and voices.
https://xenagoguevicene.wordpress.com/2020/08/12/bolerium-books-the-san-francisco-bookstore-where-the-revolution-ends-up-by-lucy-schiller-the-new-yorker-20-sept-2018/

I'm a very, VERY beginner map maker and I've only started working on my first map today. It's going okay but I can't work out how to break up the countries visually. Drawing a line looks stupid and I could put text but there's no clear border you can see. Any ideas?

This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.

Character Information

• Actor: Tom Baker
• Tenure (as a regular character): S12E01-S18E28 (178 total episodes, 42 total stories)
• Companions: Sarah Jane (Elizabeth Sladen, S12E01-S14E08), Harry (Ian Marter, S12E01-S13E04, S13E16), Leela (Louise Jameson, S14E13-S15E26), K-9 (V/As: John Leeson, Roy Skelton, David Brierley, S15E06-S18E20), Romana I (Mary Tamm, S16), Romana II (Lalla Ward, S17E01-S18E20), Adric (Matthew Waterhouse, S18E09-28), Nyssa (Sarah Sutton, S18E21-28), Tegan (Janet Fielding, S18E25-28)
• UNIT: The Brigadier (Nicholas Courtney, S12E01-04, S13E01-04), Benton (John Levene, S12E01-04, S13E01-04, S13E16)
• Other Notable Characters: The Decayed Master (Peter Pratt – S14E09-12, Geoffrey Beevers – S18E21-24), Borusa (Angus MacKay – S14E09-12, John Arnatt – S15E21-26), The White Guardian (Cyril Luckham, S16E01), The Black Guardian (Valentine Dyall, S16E26), The Tremas Master (Anthony Ainley, S18E24-28)

Retrospective

Seven seasons.
Seven season Tom Baker stuck around to play the Doctor. Seven seasons of one man having the lions' share of dialogue, screen time, and press coverage on Doctor Who. Seven seasons of the same face (well, more or less) in the opening titles. That's a lot to try and cover coherently. And because of how I write these posts after watching through the show in order, it makes it a bit difficult to think all the way back to where we began.
But I may as well make the effort so…where to begin? Well, starting back when Barry Letts was originally conceiving of the 4th Doctor, the first word that was written to describe the personality of the new Doctor was "eccentric". That's a word with a pretty broad definition, but with some specific connotations. When you think of "an eccentric", you're imagining a specific type of man, which Tom Baker immediately inhabits from the moment he steps in as the Doctor in Robot.
And it serves him well. From a plot sense, the 4th Doctor tends to come at problems from a rather unusual angle. Again, you can go back to Robot and see how he fights the titular robot, compared to the head-on way his predecessor would have done. And really, the whole concept of the Doctor as, not just a brilliant strategic thinker, or even a subtle manipulator like the 2nd Doctor could be, but as an unconventional thinker really originates with number four.
Similarly you can see a lot of the 4th Doctor's humor popping up in future incarnations. Tom Baker had a way of delivering sardonic lines like they were an inside joke between himself and the audience. While I don't think anyone else quite captures that, I still see a lot more of the 4th Doctor's kind of humor than earlier incarnations' popping up later on. But, at least early on, the humor always had an edge to it. Like the Doctor wasn't so much making jokes as he was making cynical observations in a jokey tone.
But the big innovation of the 4th Doctor era, as relates to the character of the lead, was the willingness of the writers to let the Doctor make mistakes. The most obvious example comes towards the end of the Hinchcliffe era, when we find out the Doctor accidentally gave a computer schizophrenia earlier in that incarnation, causing the events of The Face of Evil. But the Doctor occasionally slipping up, making sensible, but ultimately incorrect deductions or just choosing a poor tactic was all over the Hinchcliffe era. The earliest obvious example is probably choosing not to blow up the Dalek incubation chamber in Genesis of the Daleks, letting his desire to not make that choice override his more logical brain and trick him into believing that Gharman has Davros beat.
While it's not like the first three Doctors were never wrong. They were all, in their own way, quite frequently insensitive, but the show generally liked it's protagonist to be in the right, especially when it came to his deductions or strategies. After roughly the midpoint of Season 1, the Doctor had almost always never made a serious blunder. But by making the Doctor more fallible, the 4th Doctor era creates more tension. One of the reasons that building a horror era under Hinchcliffe works (despite my own personal tastes clashing with it) is that there is a greater sense of tension because the Doctor is allowed to make mistakes.
But not everything about the 4th Doctor is new. In particular in the early years he seems to have inherited the 3rd Doctor's general distaste for dealing with humans in authority. It's not as universal as the 3rd Doctor's general grumpiness towards anyone with a title, but it does stick out. At a few points, such as in The Seeds of Doom, the Doctor becomes some frustrated with the people he's working with he has to have Sarah Jane speak for him.
That only serves to accentuate a performance that feels decidedly inhuman, and in a good way. During the Hinchcliffe era, Tom Baker typically kept his performance energetic, yet understated. It kept him feeling unpredictable and more than a little unreliable. In Pyramids of Mars, Sarah Jane loses patience with the Doctor for a moment due to his seemingly callous behavior. It's of course then revealed that the Doctor does care, he's just focused on other things and bad at showing it. These ideas have been somewhat present in the Doctor's characterization for a while, but with the fourth Doctor they're taken up another level.
And it's worth pointing out that a lot of the time the "eccentric" characterization felt more like a mask than the real Doctor. Sometimes his frustrations would come out (for instance Planet of Evil) or his empathy would shine through in spite of himself (eg Pyramids of Mars) and it reveals that he's not quite as completely unlike us as he might like us to believe. The bravado, and the offhand remarks and the strange grins, they seem to all be there to mask fear, or affection or anger.
And then, everything changes. Not immediately of course, but during the Graham Williams era Tom Baker's performance becomes more…indulgent. It's not bad, but a lot of the subtlety of his earlier performances is lost in favor of going bigger and more over the top in many ways. Tom Baker's deep voice, already a notable feature of his performance from the beginning, starts being really emphasized. Again, we're not dealing with a performance that gets bad, just one that loses some its subtlety and edge. And in fairness, with the Williams era at the very least trying to play things a bit lighter, it makes sense that Baker's performance would get a bit broader.
But the result is that the performance also gets a bit lazier. I think at some point around Season 16, Tom Baker realized he didn't have to work hard to do a compelling performance as the Doctor. He was kind of already naturally doing it. This left Tom Baker time to focus on other things…but we'll get to that. During Season 17, there's a bit less slacking off, because he had less distractions. But then in his final season, Tom Baker is once again putting in less effort. And there's good reasons for that. His relationship with Lalla Ward was getting very messy. He was dealing with an illness during the filming of the E-Space trilogy. And he didn't like new co-star Matthew Waterhouse. Still Season 18 is where you get the sense that Baker's been in the role too long, although I do wonder if, without all the behind the scenes drama and the illness, that might not have been the case.
Of course it's not like Tom Baker was blameless for behind the scenes drama. In fact it's probably fair to say he caused a lot of it. Tom Baker was, from very early on, an incredibly difficult presence behind the scenes at on set. The first time I saw reference to it was during Terror of the Zygons, where Nicholas Courtney felt that Baker was abrasive and not taking criticism well. From that point on, Baker's attitude issues seemed to increase. Directors in particular often got the wrong end of the stick, first seen in Pyramids of Mars when Paddy Russell (herself the kind of creative person who always liked to get her own way) and Tom Baker clashed over the filming of a few scenes. And then there's what happened to Louise Jameson, who played Leela, where Baker just treated her very badly during their first season together. Eventually, Jameson stood up for herself and the two developed a functional working relationship during Season 15, but when Jameson still felt the need to warn her successor, Mary Tamm, about Baker.
But on the same note I do think it's important to acknowledge a few things. First of all, Tom Baker went from being a virtual unknown to being the star of a very popular science fiction series. That would have a tremendous effect on anybody. To hear Baker himself tell it, Doctor Who essentially became the central feature of his life while he was working on the show. A lot (in fact, I think all) of the stories of Baker being difficult revolve around his desire for more control over the show, and seen through that lens, it kind of makes sense why. For another thing, it's not like every single director or co-star had a difficult relationship with Baker. Elizabeth Sladen and Ian Marter got along with Baker perfectly well. Mary Tamm did stand up for herself from the beginning and never had any major issues with Baker. And of course there are several directors who managed to work with Baker without issue. Tom Baker was difficult to work with, yes, but far from impossible and anyone at the time would have told you that what he gave to the show was worth the trouble.
In the past for these posts I've always spent at least a little time talking about the Doctor's relationships with his companions. For the 4th Doctor, so this doesn't turn into a six paragraph section on companions, I'll just make a general observation here: the 4th Doctor frequently ended up in the role of tutor or mentor. It starts, of course, with Leela, and while the idea of the Doctor teaching Leela to be a more intellectual version of herself never played out to the extent some might have hoped, it's still a pretty consistent part of their relationship. And then the dynamic is flipped with Romana, who the Doctor has to teach to be more instinctive and intuitive. Actually the Romana and Leela comparison tells us a lot about the Doctor: he doesn't actually value one form of knowledge above the other. Leela needs to learn science and civilization because those are the gaps in her knowledge. Romana needs to learn intuition and practical abilities because those are the gaps in her knowledge, and the Doctor largely treats the job of teaching his companions these things the same way.
Towards the end of his tenure, the Doctor picks up one more student: Adric. What Adric needs to be taught is a bit different than the others. He's already an intellectual powerhouse – he's got a badge for mathematical excellence and everything. And he's not short of practical experience. What he lacks is a kind of empathy. Now Adric isn't entirely unempathetic, but he's a sullen teenager a lot of the time. Sometimes he just doesn't care very much for others. You can see the Doctor trying to get Adric to consider more clearly the consequences of his actions, or realize that, as intelligent as he is, there are just things he won't know.
Of course none of this applies to Sarah Jane or Harry (or K-9, but there's not much to talk about there). The Doctor's relationship with Harry was mostly just Harry ending up as the butt of the Doctor's jokes and Harry being confused. As for Sarah Jane, well that's another story. Honestly, I don't think this was necessarily explored as much as it could have been. The two seemed to have a weird relationship where they'd antagonize each other, only to come back together. At the end of Hand of Fear Sarah Jane makes a big scene of wanting to leave the TARDIS, only to protest when the Doctor actually throws her off, and it reads like, up to that point, that had just been part of their friendship. That Sarah Jane would blow off the steam from her adventures (like being mind controlled for the 17 millionth time) by complaining at the Doctor and declaring she'd leave, only to stick around in the end.
Which is, I guess, what you do when your traveling companion is as unpredictable and eccentric as the 4th Doctor. Tom Baker's iteration of the Doctor isn't my favorite, but it's undeniable he redefined the part, to the point that the 4th Doctor is this clear dividing point in how the character is written. As one final example, before the 4th Doctor era, a defining part of the Doctor's character was that he was a capital "S" Scientist. But in the 4th Doctor era, that fades. He's still a scientific genius, but the characterization shifts from Scientist to enthusiastic amateur who happens to know more than the professionals. And that idea of the Doctor, as a traveling dilettante who somehow is smarter than everything around him, while it's been there from very early on, really takes shape in this era.
Tom Baker's performance is entirely unique, his very particular voice, his odd, often out of place facial expressions that seem to indicate the opposite of what they should, and occasional outbursts that reveal the real Doctor, I don't think you can point at anyone else that's ever done it remotely like him. And I don't think anyone could. There were a lot of factors that led to 4th Doctor becoming the most popular and beloved Doctor of the classic era, possibly even of the show itself. The timing was right as the show expanded into new markets. The fact that the beginning of his time on the show coincided with a run of very popular stories can't have hurt. But Tom Baker was always the main reason the 4th Doctor worked.

10 Key Stories

10 key stories for the character, listed in chronological order
Robot: Tom Baker's first story as the Doctor does a remarkably good job setting up how the 4th Doctor is going to operate going forwards. Though perhaps lacking in the subtleties that the 4th Doctor would develop through the rest of the Huinchcliffe era, Baker's oddly captivating performance is there right from the word go. He's a bit goofy from the regeneration, but nonetheless finds himself having a quiet moment at the end of the story with Sarah Jane.
Genesis of the Daleks: The Doctor is sent back in time to avert the creation of the Daleks and he…just…can't…do it. That scene of the Doctor holding two wires next to each other, unable to touch them together and just win is probably Tom Baker's first genuinely great performance as the Doctor. His relief at seemingly being relieved of that responsibility as palpable. And his final scene as he Harry and Sarah Jane travel back to the Nerva with the Time Ring, offering up one last bit of hope in spite of how badly things seem to have gone firmly establishes the optimistic nature of the character first introduced earlier in Ark in Space.
Pyramids of Mars: The Doctor's sometimes seemingly callous nature is revealed to be more of a mask than the reality of the character. He's got more serious things on his mind than the death of one man…but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for the death of that man.
The Deadly Assassin: The Doctor is on his own for the first time in this incarnation, and finds himself battling against his old enemy the Master. Caught up in Gallifreyan politics the Doctor suddenly feels small on the backdrop of greater schemes. Though he does still manage to sort of get himself elected as president which I'm sure will have no effect in the future…
The Face of Evil: The Doctor is forced to confront a serious error he made a long time ago. What he did to Xoannon, a computer developing sentience, and the way that that mistake ended up hurting the people of the planet he's landed has far reaching consequences which he's forced to help undo. He also makes a new friend…sort of accidentally.
Horror of Fang Rock: And things were going so well with Leela. While the primary confrontation with a Rutan is engaging, for my purposes here, what I'm interested in is the relationship between Leela and the Doctor. It starts out well, with the two working as a great team. And then Leela takes things too far, drawing the ire of the Doctor in a way that we hadn't necessarily seen before. It doesn't ultimately go anywhere, but it's very telling as moment all the same.
The Invasion of Time: The Doctor decides he'd like to be president. It's a ruse, or course, because the Doctor would never actually want to be president, but seeing him play the villain for a few episodes is quite intriguing. The story has some major issues, but seeing the Doctor play a bit more of the strategist and playing a bit more of a long game in this story is still fun.
The Ribos Operation: After Leela's departure, the Doctor finds himself with a new and completely different kind of companion to take under his wing. Having to show Romana that she can't always trust someone because they have an "honest face", beginning to show her to think more practically, this all shows a different kind of teachestudent relationship from the one we saw with Leela. Also the respectful yet frustrated way he deals with the White Guardian is fun.
Shada: Kind of odd to to include a story that was never actually completed as a "key" story here, but I think this has the best representation of the Doctor during this era. More relaxed, and largely just out having fun with his best friend Romana, the Doctor during this story still shows his sense of duty when Chronotis has messed up. His odd musing at the end of the story about what future people might think of him is a nice capstone to the era.
Logopolis: So much is going on in this one. This story has the perfect blend of all of the various ways in which the 4th Doctor has been characterized throughout his tenure. Teaching Adric about new kinds of science and responsibility, taking aboard Tegan and Nyssa in spite of difficulties, but still having a go at all three of them at one point. And then there's his alliance with the Master at the end, which proves his downfall. There's even a bit of that fallibility coming through when he mistakes the Master's initial goals.

Rankings

1. City of Death (10/10)
2. The Brain of Morbius (10/10)
3. Horror of Fang Rock (9/10)
4. Genesis of the Daleks (9/10)
5. The Face of Evil (8/10)
6. State of Decay (8/10)
7. The Robots of Death (8/10)
8. The Ribos Operation (8/10)
9. Warriors' Gate (8/10)
10. The Pirate Planet (8/10)
11. Terror of the Zygons (7/10)
12. The Leisure Hive
13. The Stones of Blood (7/10)
14. The Ark in Space (7/10)
15. Shada (7/10)
16. Image of the Fendahl (7/10)
17. Underworld (7/10)
18. The Keeper of Traken (7/10)
19. Logopolis (7/10)
20. The Seeds of Doom (7/10)
21. Full Circle (7/10)
22. The Talons of Weng-Chiang (6/10)
23. The Hand of Fear (6/10)
24. The Sontaran Experiment (6/10)
25. The Sun Makers (6/10)
26. Destiny of the Daleks (6/10)
27. The Androids of Tara (6/10)
28. The Deadly Assassin (5/10)
29. Pyramids of Mars (5/10)
30. Robot (5/10)
31. The Sun Makers (5/10)
32. Nightmare of Eden (5/10)
33. The Masque of Mandragora (4/10)
34. Planet of Evil (4/10)
35. The Creature from the Pit (4/10)
36. The Armageddon Factor (3/10)
37. The Power of Kroll (3/10)
38. Revenge of the Cybermen (3/10)
39. The Android Invasion (3/10)
40. The Invisible Enemy (2/10)
41. The Horns of Nimon (2/10)
42. Meglos (1/10)

Forty-two stories is a lot. I'm not even sure how I feel about this ranking. Of course, as is well documented by this point I'm not a horror guy so a lot of Hinchcliffe-era horror stuff ranks a lot lower than you might have expected if you aren't following along with this review series. Beyond that though, there's just a lot of variety of stories. The ranking naturally has a lot of uncertainty to it. Am I really confident that Shada the unfinished story belongs exactly one slot below The Ark in Space from all the way back in Season 12, which I haven't watched since I reviewed it? Obviously not. And there's a ton of other stuff like that. But this is probably as accurate to my preferences a ranking as will ever exist.
Doctor Era Rankings
These are based on weighted averages that take into account the length of each story. Take this ranking with a grain of salt however. No average can properly reflect a full era's quality and nuance, and the scores for each story are, ultimately, highly subjective and a bit arbitrary.

1. 3rd Doctor Era (6.8/10)
2. 2nd Doctor Era (6.5/10)
3. 4th Doctor Era (6.0/10)
4. 1st Doctor Era (6.0/10)

A lot of you may be surprised at the relatively low rating that the 4th Doctor era gets. First of all, it's worth noting that a 6/10 is by no means a bad rating. Any individual story I rate a 6/10 is a story that, while noticeably flawed, I still enjoyed. As an average for an entire era, especially one that lasts 7 seasons through three (technically four) different producers, that's not bad. But of course what's dragging the rating down is that the Hinchcliffe era just isn't to my taste and the Williams era, while more to my liking in theory, in practice never lives up to its potential.
Next Time: Well there's a new Doctor in town and he's feeling out of sorts. Let's bring him to a nice medieval castle where the rooms keep repeating. That should make him feel better.

The Terran Union Heavy Cruiser, Roanoke, had spent the last 6 months raiding Naalx supply lines in the Flores sector.
They were finally returning to Terran Space for some much-needed refit and some R&R. But first, they were stopping at the Bateri space station orbiting Emsar IV.
She would be meeting a Terran Union squadron to escort her prizes back to the Couster system. 4 freighters, a massive ore hauler, and a damaged Naalx corvette that answered a distress call sooner than expected.
The Roanoke was one of the new Grenville class heavy cruisers, faster and more heavily armed than the other heavy cruiser classes operating as part of a Terran Union fleet.
They were designed as solo raiders able to operate deep in enemy space, raiding enemy supply lines and facilities.
Their design included several newly developed systems, including a new style of radiator for dumping excess heat.
At 500 m long and painted black as night, she was very intimidating to see on visual screens and even more so at close range. Her CrCoNi (chromium, cobalt, and nickel) hull was covered in 12” of ablative armor covered in a black laser-resistant material able to reduce the effectiveness of enemy sensors and target locks.
The experimental Baxter radiators efficiently released excess heat into space but still left them exposed to radiation detection sensors.
Captain Josef Král had been hand-picked to command the Roanoke when she came into service 18 months ago. He was a popular officer with 20 years of combat experience on just about every ship in the Terran Union’s navy.

He’d also provided technical assistance during its design phase so his familiarity with the ship made him the best choice for putting the ship through her paces. This would be the very first voyage behind enemy lines as a raider.
And it’d been a rousing success, hitting targets deep in Naalx space as reprisal for Naalxian raids on Terran border colonies. The First Naalx-Terran war had devastated both species and left them vulnerable to outside forces. The war wasn’t won so much as winding down to a series of raids and counter-raiding. A gentleman’s agreement to prevent raids and border skirmishes from turning into another full-scale war and the earlier consequences.
And Captain Král was very good at approaching that line in the sand without going over it. Several centuries earlier he’d have been a Privateer sailing the oceans on Earth.
This even led to the revival of the old pirate movies of the 20th century but Captain Král preferred likening it to the submarine warfare of the first half of the 20th century. That didn’t stop his crew from giving him a robot parrot.
He claims to hate it but everyone knows he’s been teaching it his extensive vocabulary of curse words, in dozens of languages, that he loved it.
And if you call him out on him walking around with it on his shoulder, he’ll claim he was just humoring the crew.
Captain Král was relieved to see the Terran squadron had arrived before him and ordered his little fleet to dock. It would be good to be able to get off the ship and move around without weapons.
As Captain Král exited the ship, he was surprised to see Commodore Allen waiting for him. It’d been several years since he last saw his friend and previous XO. Taking his prerogative as a Captain, he skipped the formalities, shook hands, and gave Commodore Allen a friendly slap on the back.
“Mike? What the hell are you doing here? This is escort job is for a Lt. to do” He asked
“I was in the neighborhood and volunteered. I wanted to see this new ship of yours and it’s been too long since we got a drink together.” Mike replied
Captain Král took a glance back to his ship and wasn’t surprised to see his current XO, Lt. Commander Nana Ricci had the resupply well in hand.
With a big grin, Captain Král said, “Let me see to my guests and we can see if we can scandalize the ratings like we used to.”
Captain Král approached the waiting station manager. The Bateri bowed in the formal greeting of her people. Not having the tentacles needed to return the bow, he just saluted her.
“Greetings Captain Král of the Terrans, how may we be of service?” The Bateri asked.
“Greetings Ananu of the Bateri. We request the use of your services,” he replied, finishing the ritual greeting.
“I see you returned successful in your raiding,” Ananu said, “How many bunks will you need?”
Unsurprised that the Bateri knew his mission, he replied “ 72 bunks with 3 more for your med bay, if you have the room.”
One of the most important functions provided by the Bateri was allowing for the return of captives taken in raids. This helped to keep things calmer by freely releasing captives to limit the amount of bad blood created during the raids and conflicts.
Crates of supplies, ammo, missiles, and the various other things needed to keep the ship functioning were being transferred from the smaller Terran ships. With her weapon complement being only slightly smaller than a battleship, she could go through a lot of ammunition. Even without being in serious combat, he liked to run frequent gunnery drills. Some Captains would just let their tactical computers handle operating the weapon systems and just have the gunnery crews handle reloads. But some hard lessons taught him that having the gunnery crews able to take direct control, as needed, was essential. He preferred to use up as much ammunition as needed during training to save lives later in combat.
Seeing everything in hand, he walked back to join his friend for a drink. They caught up on the doings of old friends and Mike’s family, toasts to fallen comrades, and eventually to the Roanoke.
‘How did she operate on her first long-range mission?” Mike asked
Taking a moment to organize his thoughts, Captain Král took a sip of his drink. “She handled better than expected. The new engine behaved itself, surprising for being just off the drawing board, the Baxters were damn efficient.”
Taking another sip before continuing, “ We didn’t use the torpedoes or the turreted railguns in combat but the rest performed as expected. That Corvette didn’t stand a chance so we didn’t get a full test of all the combat systems.”
“Going by the number of munitions I brought with me, you’d think I was resupplying a battleship” Mike joked
“Just about,” Captain Král chuckled. “During the design phase, I had to argue for such an increase of armament.” “It seemed to take forever for them to get it through their thick skulls that we’d be out there all alone and couldn’t call for reinforcements.” “So I convinced them to put the 2 particle beam systems in the bow of the ship and give me the 4 torpedo tubes. They had no problem with the pair at the bow but they couldn’t figure out why I wanted a pair aft. I swear I thought about launching them out of a tube.”

“At least they were starting to get it when I up-gunned the turrets to carry two large railguns. They did get upset at wanting to put on a turret in the middle of the ventral side but were relieved I left the other turret on the dorsal side ahead of the command structures”
Commodore Allen asked,” From the glimpse I got as you docked, it looked like you doubled the usual weapon systems?”
“She still has them 10 secondary batteries but I went with dual medium railguns for them” Captain Král replied, “ I put 4 of the quad-mounted autocannons on each side of the ship.”
“ It should let us save wear and tear on the railguns when we catch unarmed ships or against incoming fighters.”
“ I understand and it also saves on missiles, which with 4 heavy and 8 medium is a lot of missiles to carry.” Commodore Allen replied.
“I’ve also heard you were running tests on a more powerful deflector array to do more than just protect against radiation and small debris. Like maybe actual shields that would work on anything smaller than a battleship?”
“Yeah but not with any success,” Captain Král answered, “Anytime we tried to go past the standard low-power output, it played hell with our sensors.”
It was at that moment when Captain Král’s wrist communicator beeped for his attention.
“Just a second Mike,” he said as he keyed the communicator. “ Král, go ahead”
The sound of Lt. Commander Ricci’s voice came through the speaker, “ Priority message from the bridge Captain.”
“ What is the message?” Captain Král asked, not liking the way Ricci’s voice sounded worried
“ Sensor buoy reports large Naalx fleet dropping out of FTL, 2 million km out,” Ricci reported
Commodore Allen gave Captain Král the same concerned look that he was sure was on his face. “How many?” The captain asked
Ricci hesitated for a moment before answering “37 ships with more arriving every couple of minutes.”
Commodore Allen swore
Captain Král looked at his friend, “How long until you get your crews and get out of here?”
Commodore Allen thought for a moment, “ Maybe 20 minutes at the minimum.”
Captain Král muttered to himself, “They’ll be here before that.”
Both men got up, signaled to any of their personnel in the bar, and started out the door. “I’ll buy you the time but I’ll need to undock as soon as I get aboard my ship, maybe I can catch them off-guard. “ Captain Král
Commodore Allen replied, “That’s a suicide mission, there are too many for one ship to handle”
“Yeah, I know, old friend but if I don’t then we all die.” Captain Král explained, “ Do me a favor, I’m going to send you my non-essential personnel, take them and those still on the station with you. Get them home.”
Reaching the hatch to the docking bay, both men stopped to shake hands. “Of course, Josef.” Commodore Allen replied, “But if anyone can find a way out of it, it’s you, my friend.”
After a final salute, both men parted ways to reach their ship. As Captain Král jogged down the docking bay, he sent orders for Ricci to send all non-essential personnel to Commodore Allen and asked if they had sufficient hands to man all combat stations.
Ricci’s reply reassured him, “ Aye Sir, most of the crew on the station are from the 2nd watch, and the few people from the first watch are non-essential.”
“Be ready to launch as soon as I get aboard.” He ordered.
He passed several members of his crew, en route to join Commodore Allen. He stopped to return their salute. At the disappointed look in their eyes, he told them. “I know you don’t want to leave the ship but the Commodore needs some real sailors to get out on time. You know how those logistic guys are. They’ll get lost trying to find their own bridge”
That look reassured them and after a final salute, they headed down the dock to join Commodore Allen
Captain Král reached the cargo ramp and started up it, calling Ricci and telling her to shove off and he’d be on the bridge shortly.
He sprinted down the corridor, leaping over the lower lips of the vacuum-tight doors.
“Captain on the Bridge!” rang out from one of the bridge techs. Aside from the guards and his XO, the rest of the bridge crew kept working. Nodding his approval at their knowing when to discard ceremony for action. He walked over toward his console before speaking.
“What do we have, Lt. Commander?”
Turning to face him, Captain Král could see just how worried she was. “Current count is 48 ships.” Touching the console’s keys to bring up a list of ships before continuing, “ 18 capital ships and a mix of sub-caps, still trying to ID them.”
“They’re just maintaining position for now.” Ricci finished, her voice slightly puzzled.
“They’re waiting for something or someone,” Captain Král answered the unasked question.
“How many crew did we leave behind?”
“641, Sir” the XO replied
“ Helm, are we clear of the station's shielding?”
“Almost Sir,” The helmsman answered.
“Thank you.” Captain Král returned.
Turning to another tech, he said, “Sound Battlestations”

“Sir,” one of his sensor techs spoke up, “We have 2 more ships arriving.”
“ Thank you, Ensign.” Captain Král returned
“What class are they?” Lt Commander Ricci asked
After looking at her monitor again the tech replied, “1 heavy cruiser and something much bigger, waiting for the computer to ID it.”
Captain Král moved to look over the tech’s shoulder before standing up and facing his XO.
“Fleet Command Ship” he informed the tech and his XO.
Lt. Commander Ricci replied, “What the hell is one doing out here?”
“Good Question.” he answered, “And now that the players are on the field, the game can begin.”
Bringing up the sensor information to his console, Captain Král pointed at the enemy fleet. “They haven’t begun to deploy into battle formation yet.”
“That could be our chance.” Raising his head to look at his XO. “If we jump now we can land close and surprise them. After we land, we drive into the center of their formation and head for that big bastard.” He explained
“But Sir, We haven’t fully tested the jump drive!” the XO exclaimed
“No time like the present, “ Captain Král joked

“We’ll let the railguns and autocannon crews pick targets of opportunity, while we engage the command ship with our particle cannons, heavy railguns, and torpedoes,” he stated
“What about its point defense system, won’t it pick off the torps?” the XO asked
“We’re going to launch all the Hammerheads at it. It should overwhelm the system and let the torps through.” He answered before continuing, “I’m going to save the heavy missiles for now.”
“You’ll need to calculate the launch time of the Hammerheads to hit the point defense system as close to the time for the torpedoes to sneak through.” he ordered, “ But not so far they take out the Hammerheads too soon and let them hit the torps but not so close they set them off either.”
Looking at his XO, “You better get down to tactical Nana, this is going to get ugly, and it’s best we split up.” Captain Král commanded
Exchanging salutes, Ricci simply replied “Aye Sir.” and started for the hatch. Just before stepping through, she turned and said, “Good Luck, Sir.
“What’s the status of the Commodore’s squad?” Captain Král asked
One of his communication techs spoke up, “ They need 10 more minutes”
“Let me know the minute they are clear.” Captain Král ordered
Captain Král turned to comms tech and ordered, “Intraship comms if you please ensign”
“Aye sir” the tech replied before turning to his console and speaking into the mic,” Now hear this, Now hear this. Message from the Captain.”
“ Well folks, this isn’t the fight I wanted but this is the fight we got” Captain Král started
“ I’m sure you’ve heard scuttlebutt about the situation but here it is. We are facing a superior force numbering 49 ships. And we need to give the Commodore’s squadron time to go to FTL and get the hell out of here.” he paused before continuing, “ The plan is to mix it up with the enemy at close range. They aren’t in battle formation yet so we can hurt them.”
“Good luck and let’s make them regret fucking with the Roanoke.”
The sounds of cheers came back over the speakers.
“Helm, are we clear of the station shielding?” the Captain asked
At the affirmative given by the helmsmen, he just nodded
Touching a button on his console, he asked, “Are you in place XO?”
“Aye Sir.” the Lt. Commander replied
“ As soon as we land, be ready to open up with the dual and quad mounts.” He ordered
The XO replied with an affirmative.
“Helm, at my command, jump between 25-50 km to the starboard of the fleet.”
“As soon as we land, hard to port and get us in the middle of them. Be ready for rapid maneuvers, maybe we can throw off their laser battery tracking systems. Might let us survive a little longer” Captain Král ordered. “Aye Sir” the helmsman replied
Taking a quick look around to make sure his crew was ready, he turned back to wait for the signal the jump drive was ready.
At the signal, he ordered “Jump”
He felt the ship lurch forward and shudder. It took less than 5 seconds to jump from the station to within the targeted range, but it felt like forever.
And then they were less than 5 km from an enemy battleship.
“Oh shit!” exclaimed the helmsman and steered to avoid it. Captain Král hid a moment of panic with a joke, “ Someone make note that the jump drive targeting system needs work.”
His joke brought a chuckle from his crew and got them back to focus on the taste.
Stabbing a button on his console, he ordered “XO, fire secondary batteries,”
There was nothing to see or hear from the massive volleys of the secondary batteries coming to life. But he knew the gun crews were already raining devastation on enemy warships. “Helm, Hard to Port!” he ordered, not tearing his view away from the main viewscreen.
Captain Král looked at his console at the images sent to the bridge from the various gun cameras.
He could see the flashes of light from projectiles hitting their shields. He watched as other high-velocity projectiles punched through their hulls. He could just make out the impact of the explosive-tipped slugs fired by the autocannons.
Captain Král turned back to the main viewscreen. “Hard to starboard!”
“Head for that big son of a bitch!” he ordered
The Naalx were slow to respond but they began to return fire with some trying to gain some distance to clear the line of fire of other ships. The helmsman’s evasive maneuvers were also giving the enemy’s gunners fits from repeated misses.
But the damage sensors on the armor told of an increasing number of hits as the Naalx began to respond in an organized manner. The resistance coating reduced the damage from the Naalx laser batteries but didn’t completely nullify it. “Helm, get me a clear shot at the command ship.” the Captain ordered
A bright flash to starboard marked the death of an enemy cruiser. Status reports listed 2 sub-capitals holed and venting atmosphere. Dead or damaged, they were out of the fight.
One capital ship was dead in space with another missing its bow.
5 down too damn many to go The captain muttered
He watched and waited, ignoring damage alarms and the occasional shudder as shots began to get through the armor and explosively decompress a compartment when they penetrated the hull.
He finally saw what he wanted, an unobstructed line of fire to the command ship.
His finger smashed down on the console button. “ XO, Launch Torpedoes. Take the gloves off the main batteries. Drop the hammer!”
He watched the glitter of the particle beams as they bridged the gap between the Roanoke and the Naalx ship. In a moment, he caught sight of the torpedoes' thrusters as they left the tubes and picked up momentum. Holes and brief explosions marked the impact of his weapons. But the sheer volume of Naalxian fire was beginning to take its toll. The armor was failing or had failed in over a dozen spots. 3 autocannon and 1 railgun mount were out of commission.
2 minutes after they launched the torpedoes, the sight of more than 100 Hammerhead missiles was marked by the flare of their drives. Another volley of Hammerheads was launched the moment new missiles were lifted into the racks.
Captain Král called down to tactical, “XO, hold off on another volley for hammerheads.”
Checking his console, “Launch Shrikes at targets of opportunity with no shields, rear tubes target enemy capital ships and hope those torpedoes get through.” he ordered.
Multiple small explosions let him know the point defense systems were taking on the Hammerheads. And a moment later, a pair of massive explosions told him the nuclear-tipped torpedoes had hit their target.
“Captain, The Commodore’s squadron has escaped.” one of his techs announced.
“Thank you,” he answered
“Distance to command ship?” he asked
“ 250 km Sir” was the reply
“Helm, continue advancing on the command ship and pass her on our port side. We’ll give her a broadside and go to FTL after we clear.”
A tech from the damage control position spoke up, “Captain! FTL is down and jump drive is destroyed”
“Ahh hell’ cried the Captain.
“Damage report!” he ordered
“ Ventral turret destroyed, railgun mounts 2 and 5 destroyed, mount 9 damaged but functional. Autocannon mounts 11,13, 23 and 25 destroyed. Hammerhead launchers 3 and 8 destroyed.” The tech checked the screen before continuing, “ Explosive decompressions on decks 3 and 5. Explosive decompression in Med Bay. Ablative armor badly damaged and penetrated in around 20 spots. Engine #3 is down. Power unstable in many areas of the ship”
“FTL down, engineering needs an hour to fix. The jump drive is destroyed. Long-range comms are down” The tech finished.
“Casualty reports!” Captain Král ordered
A different tech replied, “249 dead, roughly 800 wounded with 327 too injured to fight.”
“Thank you.” he returned. Doing the math in his head he had just over 1300 combat effective and 482 of those were his Marines, the other 18 were left behind.
After thinking a moment, “Helm, same course as before but since we can’t go to FTL, circle to the aft of the command ship and lessen the incoming fire for the moment”
Looking over to the comms tech, “ Get me the chief engineer on the horn.”
Tapping the switch on the console, he called down to tactical. “ XO, I’m taking us around to the aft of the command ship and play peek-a-boo.”
“We’ll pass on her port side and I want a broadside from all batteries that can hit it and launch half the Shrikes we have left at it.”
“After we get to their rear, target enemy aft batteries, I want them all hunks of twisted metal.” Captain Král ordered
“Aye Sir.” Lt. Commander Ricci replied. “Ammo count update Sir.”
“Go ahead,” he replied
“Only the two forward tubes are loaded, aft tubes empty, railgun and autocannon are down to 30%. Dorsal turret is at 10% but they are working on transferring surviving ammo from the Ventral turret.
We can launch 4 more full racks of Shrikes and 5+ Hammerheads.” She finished
“Understood. Thank you” Captain Král replied
“Captain, Chief Engineer on the line” a tech relayed
“Route it to my console,” he ordered
“ I need you to place charges on the computer core, all the experimental equipment, engines, and fire suppression control. If we go down, I don’t want them getting a damn thing but blood and pain.”
“Aye Sir.” The Chief replied.

Captain Král turned back to watch as the Roanoke passed the command ship to port. He watched as massive explosions rippled across the enemy flank and dorsal surface. They were too close for the point defense to pick off the majority of the Shrikes.
As the Roanoke got behind and slightly below the enemy command ship, she slowed and allowed her surviving batteries to silence the command ship's aft batteries.
Captain Král called down to tactical, “XO, fire half our remaining hammerheads into her engines.”
“Affirmative,” replied the XO
Captain Král watched as the hammerheads impacted the command ship’s engines and saw the thrust nozzles dim as the engines went offline. The enemy batteries stopped firing and she began to drift.
“Helm, get us 500 km from the command ship and line up to fire our last 2 avalanche torpedoes.” Captain Král ordered
“Aye Sir, 500km bow towards the enemy” the helmsman repeated
The Captain called down to tactical ” Nana, We’re positioning the ship to line up the front tubes and we’re going to kill that bastard. Stay on the line and fire on my order.”
“Aye Sir, we’re ready.” The XO answered
“Helm?” Captain Král asked
“ 3 seconds Captain.” the helmsman replied
Captain Král watched and as soon as he got the angle he wanted, “Fire Torpedoes!” he commanded
The whole bridge crew watched and waited for the impact. Both torpedoes struck amidships and tore massive holes in the hull. As they watched, lines of explosions traveled across the hull and began to rip the ship in half. The bridge crew let out a yell and the rest of the ship after the Captain had the information broadcast over the intercom.

“ Helm, get us the hell out of here. Maybe we can outrun the bigger ships and buy time to fix the FTL.” Captain Král ordered
But before the helmsman could act, there was a massive jolt.
“What the hell?” he yelled
A tech answered, “ We were rammed by a Naalx cruiser and several smaller ships are closing in.“
But instead of ramming the Roanoke, they launched breeching pods.
His finger stabbed down to open the intercom. “ All hands, Prepare to Repel Boarders! Security teams, tactical will relay their access position. “ He ordered
He pulled out his sidearm and checked that it was ready. Several other techs did the same, while his security detachment moved to defensive positions to watch the hatch.
“Target those pods!” Captain Král ordered but he didn’t need to say it, his gunnery crews were on it. Here and there a brief flash of light marked the destruction of a pod.

“XO, fire all remaining missiles. Pick your targets,” he commanded “All batteries, open fire.”
He left the tac net open to track the status of the enemy boarding parties.
He listened to the cacophony of noises coming over the tac net.
“Security team alpha to section 7, level 3. Bravo team section 2 level 1, Charlie team section 12, level 5” Lt. Commander Ricci ordered.
“There’s too many, fall back to position 2…” an unidentified voice ordered
Another voice firmly stated, “Hold your ground, nothing gets past us.”
“Theta team down, a handful of Naalx heading for engineering!” a panicked voice exclaimed
And dozens of others just like it, always with the sound of combat in the background.
“Captain, more breaching pods en route!” a tech exclaimed
“Get me the Chief Engineer!” the Captain ordered
At the Chief Engineer’s response, he ordered “Detonate all sabotage charges except the main computer. Set that one on a manual trigger at my console with a 20-minute timer as a backup. And then set the reactors to overload, we’re not going to hold the ship much longer. And set a charge to breach the hull and decompress Engineering as soon as you are clear”
“Affirmative, Captain. She was a good ship” the Chief replied
Turning to his bridge crew, “Give the order to abandon ship. Have all the pods head for the station.”
The Captain called tactical, “Lt. Commander Ricci, all hands abandon ship. Get as many of them home as you can.”
“ I understand, Sir.” She answered, “I’ll see you at the station.” she said hopefully
“I'm afraid not, Nana. I’m the Captain and I’m going down with my ship.” he stated, “And someone needs to make sure they can’t shut down the overload.”
“Transfer all fire controls to my station and get the hell out of here.”
“Aye Sir, It’s been an honor” the XO replied
“The honor is all mine. You are going to make an excellent Captain. Goodbye my friend” Captain Král finished.
His bridge crew tried to convince him to go with them but he declined and ordered security to get them into the escape pods.
Then he sat and watched as his consoles began reporting each pod as it launched. He also kept an eye on his sensors and concentrated fire on any Naalx ship that was moving to intercept the pods. They knew better than to fire on them but nothing said they couldn’t capture them.
He also prepared a probe with all the ship logs and combat data and fired it toward human-held territory. It would run silently until it exited the system and then begin broadcasting a coded signal for pickup.
He was dismayed at how few pods had left the ship and regretted so many young lives had been cut short.
As he saw the last pod clear the battlefield, he sat back for a moment and then triggered the charge on the main computer.
A hard pounding came from the other side of the hatchway. But there wasn’t enough power to open it. He guessed the pinging on the door was them firing their lasers and trying to blast it open.
He wondered if it would work but a huge rumble, a bright flash, interrupted, and the long career of Captain Král was finally over.
News of the Roanoke’s final battle flashed across news channels on hundreds of worlds. Her courageous and foolhardy charge at a superior force. The damage she did to the Naalx fleet before her destruction. How, of the 1859 members of the crew that went into the battle, only 108 survived.
The videos taken from both sides during the battle played over and over again.
How the Naalx picked up all the escape pods and released them on the station immediately.
And even recovered the bodies of any human they found while gathering their dead.
Naalx losses were the command ship, 2 capital ships, 9 sub-capitals destroyed, and a dozen other vessels damaged in one form or another. Naalx casualties were over 50,000 dead
Only the Naalx’s immense respect for courage, audacity, and bravery in the face of danger kept the skirmish from blowing up into a war.
The Naalx rendered full military honors as they turned the Human dead over to Lt. Commander Ricci.
The Captain Král, A Grenville-class cruiser, was launched 2 years later. Captain Nana Ricci in command.
Authors note- I hope you enjoyed this story. It's based on a historical event. Which according to an idiot on youtube is plagiarism.
If you feel like leaving a tip https://ko-fi.com/tomcarey

If there's one thing I know about the Dota community, it's that people love Tinker. Ever since the last few patches, Tinker has nearly disappeared from our pubs. Around the world, Dota players are crying out for the return of Tinker, and luckily for you all I'm here to propose the buffs that this hero needs!
I think most people would agree that Tinker has 3 boring spells and rearm (free BoT counts as part of the ult). And while the intro paragraph is obviously a joke, for those of us that do enjoy the hero, the entire fun aspect of it is how rearm allows Tinker to interact with items in a way that no other hero can. A different approach to one of the major progression systems in the game makes the hero very unique and enjoyable to play.
Neutral items have been in the game for a while now, and yet still none of them interact with rearm like normal items do. When they were first introduced I figured Valve didn't want to have to deal with rearm when balancing them, but years down the line it's time to address the interaction. To give a glance at how this would actually change the hero, I've gone through the list of current neutral items with active abilities and rated the impact of each item (and chosen some that would need to be banned from working with rearm a la BKB).
Tier 1
Arcane Ring: Starting off with a bang! making +75 mana a rearmable effect would be a significant buff for a hero with heavy mana issues. Given Tinker's current state I don't necessarily think it would be broken, but it would be by far the best t1 neutral for him and would introduce huge variance into Tinker games based on whether or not he gets a free mini soul ring at min 7. Verdict: not rearmable
Royal Jelly: It needs to build charges over time anyways, so rearming the active ability basically does nothing. Verdict: allowed
Seeds of Serenity: +10 hp regen is nice but not that crazy. I don't actually know if the regen from multiple seeds stacks but I doubt it. Assuming the regen from multiple casts doesn't stack. Verdict: allowed
Trusty Shovel: Is sitting in fountain rearming to dig for bounty runes worth it? I very much doubt it, but I do know that if it's an option I'm going to have "support" Tinkers on my team doing it. Verdict: not rearmable
Pig Pole: Why chain hex enemies when you can chain hex yourself? Funny, but obviously not useful. Verdict: allowed
Safety bubble: Based on the wording I don't think rearm would cause the shield to instantly replenish.
Tier 2
Bullwhip: A small slow / speed buff being rearmable isn't a big deal. Verdict: allowed
Light collector: Not very useful unless you're trying to impress a Timbersaw player. Verdict: allowed
Tier 3
Craggy Coat: Permanent +12 armor could actually be pretty strong considering that Tinker doesn't care about movespeed. Unfortunately Tinker also really doesn't want to be in the middle of things to make good use of it. Solid ability but not OP. Verdict: allowed
Defiant Shell: Tinker obviously doesn't get a lot of value from free right clicks, so not very useful. Verdict: allowed
Dandelion Amulet: Rearming a 300 magic dmg barrier on top of defense matrix is very strong. Add that to the item giving 300 mana and this would be a powerful option. I'm on the fence, but I think this one might be a little too OP for a tier 3 item. Verdict: not rearmable
Doubloon: I didn't even remember this thing had a cooldown without looking it up. Useless. Verdict: allowed
Ogre Seal Totem: Basically a force staff, which is nice to have but usually not bought on Tinker due to slot restrictions. This feels roughly equivalent to Dandelion Amulet to me. I think it's a little bit overtuned as a rearmable t3 item. Verdict: not rearmable
Tier 4
Martyr's Plate: Just in case the enemy team is doing a poor job focusing you, you can do it for them! Obviously awful. Verdict: allowed
Ninja Gear: Permanent smoke is really nice for finding safe farm on the map in the lategame. The stats are useless for Tinker, which I think prevents this from pushing into OP territory. Roughly the level of utility to expect out of neutral items at this stage. Verdict: allowed
Stormcrafter: The cooldown is already so low that rearming isn't a very big DPS increase, and it requires you to be close anyways. Verdict: allowed
Ascetic's Cap: The status resist stacked with defense matrix is quite strong. However, this is most important for when you first get jumped, which doesn't require rearm. Being able to reapply the bonus status resist during a fight is certainly nice, but I don't think it's OP. Verdict: allowed
Havoc Hammer: A 0 mana AoE nuke is really strong with rearm. On the other hand, it scales on str and has very small range. It's a great farming item, but by this point Tinker will have lvl 18 and shiva's already, so doesn't have issues clearing waves. The nuke is actually a good chunk of damage, even with Tinker's subpar strength values. The short range definitely brings it down since you will be close enough for enemies to stop your rearm, but I think the added damage is just too much. Verdict: not rearmable
Mind Breaker: Tinker doesn't right click. If you really want to perma-silence someone orchid (or just hex, obviously) works better. Verdict: allowed
Trickster's Cloak: Some nice utility given that it doesn't take up a slot, but rearmable invis is already in the game and not very strong. Verdict: allowed
Tier 5
Book of Shadows: Pseudo perma-disable for an enemy or permanent invuln for an ally. Chaining this on an ally just makes Tinker the target instead, and enemies can BKB or go invis between applications. Casting it on an enemy makes them untargetable, so you can't truly perma-disable someone with it since you can't recast until after the effect ends. Also worth noting that you can't go perma-invuln yourself since it silences, and the cooldown is already super short. Obviously strong but not crazy for a t5 item. Verdict: allowed
Force boots: Rearmable force staff was OP for a t3 item, but by t5 it's fine. Verdict: allowed
Magic lamp: no lol. Verdict: not rearmable
Pirate Hat: By 60+ minutes sitting in fountain rearming dig might actually be a good, safe way to farm when the map is dark. Good or not, sitting in fountain is boring and shouldn't be promoted. Verdict: not rearmable
Arcanist's Armor: I have to confess that in all my 60+ minute games I've never gotten a good feel for exactly how much this item is doing. On paper the active sounds insane with 100% uptime so I would say it's probably OP, but idk. Verdict: not rearmable
Book of the Dead: What's a level 3 Necronomicon? The units get replaced on recast, so you can't build an army of them. I honestly don't think this ability is too crazy, though back when necrobook existed it didn't work with rearm. The stats are good on Tinker too which makes is stronger, but I still don't think it's out of line. Verdict: allowed
Mirror Shield: This would make Tinker nearly untouchable against a lot of lineups. It's already one of his favorite endgame items without rearm. Verdict: not rearmable
Seer Stone: Maphacks time! The ability is super strong with rearm, obviously. The stats on this are also amazing for Tinker, which I think pushes it past acceptable strength. Verdict: not rearmable
Thanks for coming to my TED talk if you made it this far. Anyways, this is mostly a QoL change since most neutral items either don't have cooldowns or give abilities that don't interact well with rearm. Meaningful buffs would happen at the t4 and t5 items, but Tinker is not a great user of most of those to begin with.

Chapter 1

Concept art for Sybil
Of Men and Ghost Ships, Book 1: Chapter 18
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the news of more arrivals and what that implied, Carter turned around and looked at the girl. "How long until they get here?"
The girl seemed to be expecting that question. "We've got considerably more notice this time, but that's only because of the size of the distortion. Unfortunately, that same distortion makes it harder to be sure, but our best guess is they seem to be arriving in waves, with the vanguard arriving in maybe thirty minutes, give or take a ten-minute window. We'll be able to more accurately estimate as the time draws near."
Carter nodded. "How long will it take to decouple the ship you're cannibalizing?"
The girl took a moment to consider this. "Well, in order to recall all drones safely, the whole process would take close to five minutes, though obviously, that'll depend on what parts they are currently involved in removing."
Carter nodded. "Alright, take what you can get, but be ready to drop what you're doing with plenty of time to spare so we can cut and run. I'm not looking to commit suicide today!"
Erik, who seemed pretty calm despite the news, looked up with interest. "What about our crew mates drifting out in their escape pods?"
Carter looked at the larger alien and tried to figure out what was going on in his head. Would he get violent if Carter said he was just gonna leave them to their fates? Not that he wanted to just leave them out here to be butchered, but taking an entire crew onboard this ship was just asking for a hostile takeover. On the other hand, was he so monstrous he'd just leave people to the same fate he'd come so close to experiencing not so long ago?
Carter started to open his mouth to say he was sorry, but the girl cut him off. "Captain. You might want to speak with the rest of the crew before making a decision like that."
Right, despite how they were behaving in front of their "guests," he didn't have unilateral control. He looked over toward the viking alien. "I'll ask you to remain in the dining hall for a bit. I need to head to the bridge for now, and I'll decide after speaking with the crew."
For once, Erik wasn't grinning, but he didn't argue either, and he nodded to Carter. "Fair enough, I suppose. Just don't take too long and leave us out to dry while you make up your mind."
Carter simply nodded and took his leave.
As he walked onto the bridge, the vixen and the pirate were already there, and the girl walked up behind him. With everyone present, Carter dove right in. "Alright, so you all know what's happening and what's at stake. What are we going to do with the people in the escape pods?"
Predictably, the vixen didn't seem overly sympathetic. "We weren't the ones who put them in those pods. We have no responsibility to stretch out our necks to save them."
Also, predictably, the pirate seemed to be on the other side of that equation. "These lads fought the good fight and deserve another chance to fight again! I say we take them on as additional crew!"
With that, it came down to the one Carter had been wondering about. The girl hesitated a moment as if giving this careful thought. "...There is some risk with taking so many people onboard...and I'm not big on the idea of letting so many people see the inner workings of the Sybil at one time...but I can't bring myself to leave these people out here to die, either... I vote we take them in."
That put Carter in an odd position. He'd all but decided these people were too much of a risk to take on, and with his tie-breaker authority, he could say they were just going to cut and run, and the others would go with it. However, he found himself hesitating, if only because he questioned any decision that would leave him siding only with the vixen regarding how they were going to treat other people. After a little bit of consideration, he shook his head. "Alright, fine. We'll take on anyone who can make it in time, but we'll have to take some precautions, such as limiting their access to the ship, etc. We can work out the details after we're clear. It's not like they're in any position to argue..."
-
The captain nodded. "That seems more than fair. I will relay your offer...thank you."
Carter couldn't help but notice that he seemed somewhat subdued. However, that was easily explained by his being in one of the furthest groups of escape pods, unlikely to make it in time. It was difficult to look a man in the eye and know that he could likely measure his remaining time in minutes rather than years. All Carter could offer was a half-hearted "Good luck, Captain." before ending the transmission.
Carter looked over at the three Sybils. "How much will we be able to get from the pirate ship before getting out of here?"
The girl appeared to be looking through various charts. "Well, not all of it will be immediately available, as it'll need to be processed and installed, but we should get enough to restore the Sybil to roughly seventy-three percent of operational capacity."
Carter nodded. "And how much will be immediately available?"
The pirate seemed to see where he was going with this and grinned as he answered. "Enough to give some pirates a serious black eye and bloody lip, boyo!"
Carter's grin mirrored the pirate's. At least he could do this much before running away. "Then what say we do just that?"
-
Elias scowled. He was in charge of leading the vanguard to "restore his lost honor." What good was honor if your ship was dead in the void? He knew the real reason he was leading the vanguard. In a three-on-one fight, he'd lost an entire ship in less than a minute. His competency was being questioned, and he needed to either prove himself here or lose his position as a strike team leader. Hell, he might even be demoted out of his captaincy. Not that anyone could typically remove a captain from his position on a pirate vessel without some bloodshed, but this was a new era, and the old rules no longer applied.
Not that it mattered. Elias wouldn't give his opponent the opportunity to perform the same stunt as before. Every ship was under orders to immediately raise shields and take evasive action upon reentering realspace. He would win the fight methodically this time rather than using brute force. If they were stupid enough to hang around, that is.
As soon as they appeared in real space again, Thomas immediately gave the same warning as last time. "Captain, we have incoming!"
Elias couldn't believe his luck. Not only were they still here, but they were stupid enough to try the same trick twice! He turned to the helm calmly. "Evasive maneuvers." Then, turning to communications, he added, "Tell the other ships to begin firing as soon as they have a clear shot of the main vessel!"
However, Thomas didn't seem like he was done. "Captain, they're adjusting course! It's the Sybil, not a dead vessel!"
The Sybil? Were they trying to actually ram his ship? Elias turned to the helm with more urgency. "It's too big to match our maneuverability! Just take us out of their turning radius!"
The helmsman seemed rather focused. "Trying to captain!"
Elias could only stare in horror as the large vessel loomed closer and closer despite his helmsman's best attempts to turn away. However, it started to look like they'd squeak past by the skin of their teeth, and the other ships were pouring on fire even though it seemed they were unable to break through the Sybil's shields. Still, once the immediate danger of being rammed was passed, they could easily stay out of the larger ship's reach and add in their own munitions, forcing the larger ship to fight a four-on-one battle with reinforcements approaching or retreat.
As the two ships passed within spitting distance, alarms started blaring. Looking at his console, Elias could see the two ships had passed close enough that their shields were overlapping, sending powerful feedback into each other's systems, creating dead spots where shields should have been. It was an insane maneuver spoken about by the occasional seasoned captain that took such a degree of precision maneuvering and a lack of self-preservation that it hadn't seen use since the AI war half a century ago!
Realizing what was about to happen, Elias shouted, "Rotate the ship now!" but it was too late as the Sybil open-fired on the unshielded portions of the ship.
All Elias could do was ride out the storm. It seemed every alarm aboard the ship was screaming, and his ship felt as if it was being shaken to pieces as the Sybil poured an ungodly amount of ordinance onto the exposed side of his ship. A part of him wanted to run for the nearest escape pod, but doing so would only ensure his loss of command.
Then, almost as soon as it had started, it was over. The shaking finally stopped as the Sybil flew past. Elias turned to one of the few officers still seated at their station. "Status?"
The officer's hands flew across the screen. "Sir, floors two and three on the port side are in ruins. Total losses. Floor one is evacuating personnel to vent the atmosphere to try and control several fires. We're more or less dead in space."
Elias's eyes narrowed. "And what of the Sybil? Are they coming around for another pass?"
The officer shook their head. "No, they seem to be headed for an escape jump. I think we're clear."
Elias settled into his seat as the remaining officers retook their positions. At least this wasn't a total loss; however, this wasn't exactly going to "restore his honor" either. As he watched the Sybil reach a safe distance and jump out of real space, he cursed the supposed ghost ship silently.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmmm, that's a thing that happened! Now what?
My Wiki has all my chapters and stories, including the short series and stories that I write for an occasional change of pace or style!
If you like my work and want to support it, I do have a Patron! I also post short stories early there from time to time, so keep an eye out for those!

Putting this here bc I don't want to wade into the main Overwatch sub but I think it's pertinent here too bc I see it a lot as a support/Mercy main.
I think the "____ diff" comments are getting out of hand and my biggest annoyance is that it completely overlooks the fact that in order for one team to win, one team has to lose. It's just how it works. There can be so many factors that affect a win, whether it's synergy, communication, play style, comp match ups, aim, timing, awareness, or plain dumb luck. Furthermore, Overwatch has set up their games to make it very hard to draw, which means during a game, one team has to lose.
Getting into match chat and choosing a player or character or role who did "worse" and writing "Mercy diff" or "DPS diff" or "tank sold" is usually such a cop out, and I'm kind of tired of seeing it. Yes, a Doom who goes 8-10 and refuses to swap against a brawl comp IS the problem, or the DPS who can't clean up kills and let's people get away with 10 HP can be the issue, but more often than not running to chat and saying "Tank diff" doesn't solve a problem and is usually shifting the blame. Very rarely is a game won or lost on the back of a single person.
And don't get me started on teams who win and run to chat to gloat. "Mercy diff hehe" but your Sombra kept targeting me and your Ana peeled for you every time you got dove? Let us not be silly. Team diff, sure, but individual Mercy diff? I think not. "Your Genji sold" dude, we already took the L, no need to be nasty.
I just feel like I see it a LOT in situations where it's not warranted, especially as someone who plays support and has to pay attention to both our team performance and enemy team performance during the match for shot calling and such. No, the enemy supports did not outheal or outmaneuver, we have mirror stats, it was just they were a better team at the end of the day. DPS did not sell, their Widow was cracked. And after all, it's just a game.
ETA: I included my irritation at enemy trash talk but mostly I was talking about teammates saying "Supp diff" when they're across the map flanking badly and dying, or "gg tank sold" when we lose one team fight. I am not saying trash talk is bad, I have been known to write "L Mercy zzz" in chat from time to time. I just think the shift towards individual blame erases that fact that its a team game and someone has to lose.

Credit to Blue for the wonderful cover art of Trilvri
Thank you to:
u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the Nature of Predators universe.
u/EdibleGojid, author of Dark Cuts, for proofreading.
EmClear, aspiring author, for proofreading
You, the reader, for your support. I love reading your comments.
Please consider reading the works of my proofreaders as they’re all authors of excellent stories and be sure to check the links below for more of my work and beautiful art from members of the community.
[First] [Previous] [Next] [Master List of Stories, Art, and More!]
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Memory transcription subject: Sawvek, Junior Extermination Officer
Date [standardised human time]: October 5th, 2136
Hard foam presses uncomfortably up against delicate pressure points situated across the length of my entire body, building up to an unbearable ache that makes me shift and turn against the thin mattress pad. I yank at the rough old blanket I’d taken out of storage and clutch it even tighter around my body, trying to keep out the chill. The best racks, the ones near the heating vents, had already been claimed long before I’d decided to move into the Guild House’s Barracks and it doesn’t seem likely that the current occupants will be giving up their spots any time soon.
My mind is still racing from the events of last paw, replaying the scene over and over again in my dreams and in my head. The way my brother had looked at me… That look on his face when he’d seen the real me…
My paw gives a sympathetic throb in memory, still aching from where it had met the wall, but at least I had been able to wrap it up a bit and stop the bleeding. I feel like I should take it as a small miracle that it isn't broken. More medical bills are the last thing I need right now.
I turn about in the bunk once more, rolling around in vain to try and find a comfortable position that doesn’t seem to exist. Through a conscious act of will I try to empty my mind and sleep, but the very act of trying not to think about things only brings them bubbling back up to the surface of my thoughts. My heartbeat echoes in my ears, a damnable drumming sound brought about by the exertion of my own restless tossing and turning. Out in the hallway I can hear the muffled shuffling of feet and murmurs of conversation. The Guild Hall never sleeps, and it seems that neither would I this paw.
Electing to abandon the attempt as hopeless, I cut my rest claw short and get up, venturing out into the hallway. If I can’t sleep anyway then I might as well start my waking claw early, maybe get in a little exercise. It’s not so bad when it’s self-directed, almost fun in a way. If our family had the money to support it then maybe I could have been an athlete of some variety growing up. I had always possessed something of a natural physicality.
“Stop wasting time with worthless questions about what could have been, Killer.” The voice interjects, early and active today by the sound of it. “You’ll never amount to anything more than a wild predator kept on a leash.”
There’s nothing to do but sigh and carry on. It was right after all. This is it. This is my life now.
Making my way down the hallway towards the gym I find myself walking past a row of private offices assigned to some of the more veteran officers on staff. Most are empty at this claw, their occupants either asleep or off doing other work. One room in particular catches my attention though, the one belonging to our newest PRED Team Commander.
The door leading inside is open and ajar, seemingly forgotten in the midst of more pressing business and granting me a look inside. The entire room is a mess, papers and binders strewn about everywhere with official looking documents littering the floor. A map of the city decorates the otherwise unadorned and impersonal space. On its face it hosts a variety of multicoloured pins, all connecting seemingly arbitrary locations as well as photographs of people and places from the records department. The face of the former PRED Team Commander, Vrienna, looks out at me once again with the same cruel eyes that decorate the memorial wall. Beside her photo are another pair of eyes, a pair I recognise, but not one I would have expected to see here.
Trilvri, my brother’s creepy coworker, the one who’d brought him home the night he’d drunk himself into a stupor, stares out at me from the wall. He was younger in this photo, barely of age, if even that, and dressed in a regulation space corps flight suit, but I could still recognise him. Trilvri’s eyes appear somehow more lively than when I had met him in person, though it does nothing to improve his overall disposition, looking, as they are, as if behind them resides only hatred and a feral desire to kill and rend. Come to think of it, he had mentioned he used to be in the corps hadn’t he? ‘Used to’ being the operative word. When I’d asked he hadn’t seemed particularly fond of his time in the service…
Situated as he is next to Vrienna like that, their pitch-black wool and evil-looking eyes bear a striking resemblance. It was the exact same sort of predatory expression that bore into your soul, the kind that made me feel weak and exposed, the same kind that was worn by-
“What do you think you’re doing in my office?” A voice asks from behind, nonplussed, but with a casual depth of power and authority behind it that makes me freeze on the spot.
“Commander Glagrig, Sir!” I turn about on the spot, fixed at attention in the doorway as I stare up at the man himself. “I’m sorry to intrude. I noticed someone had forgotten to close the door so I was just going to secure it.”
“I see.” Glagrig doesn’t seem to believe a word of it, but neither does he seem inclined to press the issue. “At ease. Tell me, do you recognise the man in the photo there? Have you ever seen him before?”
“No, Commander.” I lie reflexively as I shift to a parade rest, not fully knowing why, but knowing that whatever is going on I want no part of it, for me or my brother. It’s only after the fact that it occurs to me that lying might be worse than telling the truth.
“How… regrettable.” The prestige officer says plainly and I can’t tell whether he believes me or not. “If you do ever catch sight of this individual, then be sure to let me know immediately.”
“Y-Yes, Commander.” I subconsciously swallow with apprehension, hoping that he doesn’t notice. I want nothing more than to run away as quickly as I can, but I haven’t been dismissed yet.
“Junior Officer Sawvek, was it?” Glagrig carries on, looking me up and down, dissecting me with his eyes. “You have quite the interesting record on file and Officer Intalran is quite adamant about your potential. Your simulator results speak for themselves, even if they are just simulations.”
“Thank you, Commander.” I can feel myself growing dizzy as I answer with uncertainty.
“Don’t thank me,” the all-consuming void in front of me replies with no hint of warmth, “just remember that your performance is under evaluation. It’s in my interests to keep note of promising young aspirants who might someday join my team, and I would hate to see you squander your talents.”
“I-I understand, Commander.” I flick my tail in agreement, straining not to look away towards the floor.
“Dismissed.” Glagrig brushes past me as he enters his office, moving to shut the door behind himself.
“Um, Commander?” I ask just before the door shuts, feeling a beckoning call of curiosity that even the predatory prestige exterminator couldn’t crush. “If you don’t mind me asking… Why do you have all that stuff up on the wall there?”
The door opens again, just a crack, and I can feel my superiors' weighty presence bearing down on me, almost suffocating in its intensity. “It’s simply a personal matter. I have reason to believe that the prior investigation regarding the kelach incident was conducted according to… insufficient standards. The predator responsible was never found and I intend to remedy that deficiency.”
“How hard could it be to find a kelach?” I tilt my ears in confusion. “They're huge!”
“Despite initial reports,” he answers with an ominous, cold tone that sends a chill up my spine, “it may be possible that we're dealing with something far more dangerous than just a kelach.”
“T-Thank you, Commander.” I flick my tail in appreciation and the door closes.
I breathe a sigh of relief as the malevolent aura recedes. That was too close.
“And you’re a complete moron going back to ask him more questions afterwards, Killer.” The voice rises with amusement. “What? Do you want him to figure you out and turn you to cinders? Only a matter of time, Killer.”
“Ugh, shut up.” I mutter under my breath, quickly turning back around to make sure Commander Glagrig didn’t hear me, but when no reprisal comes I quickly depart. If I’m gonna be stupid I should at least try not to do so right in front of his office.
As the imminent threat of our in-house prestige exterminator dwindles so too does the energy driven by the adrenaline of the encounter. It figures that the moment I roll out of bed I want to take a nap again, but I know the moment I lie back down I’ll be back to full wakefulness in an instant. That’s just how that sort of thing works. With that in mind there’s really only one solution, a big, steaming hot cup of tea.
Making my way towards the tea machine I spot Jonsco, the feisty little primitive that mans our dispatch centre, smacking the top of the dispenser with a clenched paw while holding a mug underneath it.
“Is the tea machine fixed?” I ask as I pull out a mug from the cabinet myself.
Jonsco sighs heavily and shoots me a combative glare. “For the last time it’s not my brahking job to fix this damn tea machine! You got a problem with that then you can go pester someone else about it!”
I shrink back under the harsh rebuke. Jonsco may be small, but there was as much rage and fury condensed into that little package as anyone else in this department. Maybe more.
“I… I didn’t mean to imply…I just wanted to know if it was working again or not… Sorry.” I sputter out, feeling properly admonished as I look away towards the ground.
Jonsco looks at me quizzically, his hard glare softening somewhat as he seems to truly see me for the first time before returning to his usual scowl.
“Right…Whatever you say…” With one final smack the machine coughs and chokes, sputtering to life with a struggle, and a small trickle of freshly brewed tea begins to fill Jonsco’s cup. “The machine is on the fritz again as usual, but if you hit it just right, do a little percussive maintenance, then you can get it started again.”
“Thanks, Jonsco.” I lean back against the wall and watch as the mug slowly fills, impressed by the primitives know-how. “That's actually pretty smart of you.”
“For a ‘primitive’ right?” The words are barbed and spiteful, but lack his typical enthusiasm, more of a simple statement of fact than a real question. I couldn't exactly deny it, those had been my thoughts, and so the silence drags on awkwardly, marked only by the splash of tea falling into the steadily rising pool.
“What are you doing here at this claw anyway?” I eventually ask, dodging the question entirely. “We’ve still got at least another half-claw until our crew's shift is supposed to start.”
“I could ask you the same thing, you know?” The angry little dispatch operator retorts. “I'm here early working an overtime shift so I can afford to put food on my family's table. It's expensive feeding that many mouths. What's your excuse?”
“I had a fight with my brother…” I rub the back of my neck as I turn away abashedly, “moved out of the apartment and into the barracks full time… couldn't sleep…”
“Well then you should hurry up and work on patching things up with him.” Jonsco looks at me with an uncharacteristic hint of sympathy in his eyes. “Your family are the only ones who might actually care. This Gods-damned place is a slyther’s nest and no one here gives a speh about you or your problems. If you want my advice, you should do your best to spend as little time in this cesspool as possible.”
With his cup now full, Jobsco steps back from the machine and begins walking out towards the main hall.
“Thanks, Jonsco.” My words stop him in his tracks as he walks away from me. “I appreciate it.”
“... You're welcome.” He says after a short pause, glancing back to look at me one more time before leaving. “See you around, Sawvek.”
Taking advantage of the tea machine while it’s still mostly working, I fill up my own cup and drink deeply of the warm, fragrant beverage. The taste is bitter and unpleasant, just about the quality I would expect of this Guild Hall, but even at the first taste it’s evident that it’s been loaded with an extra strength dose of caffeine. I down the drink quickly and rinse out the cup before continuing on my journey towards the training hall. Fatigue begins to fall away as I walk, bit by bit as the drug makes its way into my bloodstream, blocking off sleep receptors and energising me. I know I’ll probably pay for it later, no amount of caffeine can actually replace sleep, but for now it feels good and I can see how some people can get addicted to the stuff.
A loud, metallic clanging emanates from the gym as I approach, something unexpected for this time of paw. No one's reserved space in the gym for this claw and not many people are industrious enough to sweat on their own initiative. Peeking my head inside the door I spy Bikim, the perfect, privileged, ‘holier than thou’ brahkass occupying the otherwise empty weight room. His irritatingly handsome face is taut with strain as he performs a series of weighted squats, his back and leg muscles straining underneath his short-cropped wool, and he pants heavily under the exertion.
I’m half tempted just to leave and go back to bed despite the fact that there’s no way I’d be getting any sleep with the tea running through my system. It’s too early in the paw to deal with Bikim’s speh. Before I can slip away unnoticed though, he spots me. I give a heavy sigh and continue my way inside. There's nothing to be done for it now. Trying to back out now would only make things worse later, a sign of weakness.
“What… Do you want… Predator?” Bikim asks between gulps of air as he reracks his weights, practically hanging off the bar to support himself on shaky legs.
“Good paw to you too, Bikim.” I say, forcing civility into my tone. “I’m here to use the equipment. Same as you. I'm allowed.”
“Whatever…” He eyes me with suspicion. “Just keep your distance… I don't want to catch any of your taint.”
“Believe me,” I flick my tail out in irritation, “I intend to.”
Looking around the room for available spots, I march my way over towards a cable machine on the opposite side of the room. Not nearly as far from Bikim as I would like, but the farthest I can get without leaving the weight area entirely. Bikim watches me all the while as I seat myself down and begin adjusting the machine. Eventually he grows tired of watching me fumble around with the machine and returns to his own exercises with a displeased flick of the tail, quite obviously judging me for my lack of experience with the equipment.
A tense sort of quiet settles over the room as we each go about our business, trying our best to ignore one another. Bikim slowly winds his way around the room, cycling from station to station to exercise all the different parts of his body in sequence before repeating it all again. He seems to bypass my corner of the room, glancing over at me with each repetition of his pattern. For myself, I stay put where I am, taking advantage of the varied exercises offered by the versatile machine to experiment with different muscle groups. Occasionally I slip up, dropping the weights with a loud clang that always draws Bikim’s ire. Every time he seems just a bit more disgruntled, a bit less patient. Eventually, the constant disruption reaches a tipping point and the pompous, self-entitled jerk walks over to confront me.
“Do you always do this?” He asks rhetorically. “If you keep slamming the weights like that you're gonna break it. Your form is speh so either fix it or lower the weight so you don't have to keep compensating. Better yet, just leave. You’ve been monopolising the cable machine for almost half a claw now. I don't know why you're even here in the first place.”
“Oh, look at Mr. Know-it-all thinking he can just go around telling us what to do, eh Killer?” The voice rises to the challenge. “Where does a guy like that who's been handed everything his whole life think he can get off with telling us how we should be doing anything?”
“Brahk off Bikim!” I don't even try to reign in the predator inside, feeling justified in letting it roam free for once. “I didn't ask for your advice and you don't get to kick me out of the weight room just because you can't wait your turn! I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go! Ever since Intalran dragged me into this stupid Guild this brahking job has taken over my entire life! I don't even have a home to go back to anymore!”
Bikim's body tenses at my tirade and his tail flicks out aggressively like a whip.
“That's your own damn fault, predator!” He shouts back, eager for the excuse to vent his own frustrations. “Maybe if you weren't just some blood-starved beast out roaming the streets then you wouldn't be here right now! I’ve read your file! You got a history of herdless behaviour and physical altercations! Someone should have institutionalised you a long time ago, but someone took pity on you and let you slip through the cracks because of your poor dying mommy! They should have known it would come back to bite them! A normal, functional member of the herd wouldn't even think to pick a flamer up off the ground and burn another person to death with it! But you? You did it instinctively! You revelled in it!”
“You think that was easy for me!” I get up and walk towards him as I yell incredulously. “You think I asked for that to happen! You think it was fun for me to get choked out and almost eaten! That thing I burned wasn't even a person anymore! It was a predator in the middle of a feeding frenzy! So yeah, I did what I did, and you know what? It's a good thing I did! If I wasn't a freak of nature then that thing would have kept on going and kept on killing! Last I checked, preventing that sorta thing was supposed to be your job, but I had to be the one to step up! Now I have to live with the consequences of my actions every paw, knowing that I’m a Protector-damned killer that doesn't belong anywhere! Maybe you, in your infinite wisdom, would've known the perfect thing to do in that situation, but I’m not you! I’ve had to work and struggle for every little thing I have! Not just had it handed to me on a silver platter!”
“Oh, so you got me all figured out do you?” Sarcasm drips from Bikim's mouth as he looks down on me. “You don't know me. You don't know my life or what I’ve been through, how hard I’ve worked to get where I am. You just see the end product from cycles of effort and assume that it's always been that way, that it's always been that easy. It hasn't.”
“Yes, I’m sure you had it so hard growing up Bikim.” Saying it aloud almost makes me laugh. “You’re such a child of privilege that it drips off of you with every move you make and every word you say. I hate people like you, thinking that you're better than everyone else just because you were lucky enough to be born into wealth and status. Try living like the other side for a change, scrounging for every credit just so you can afford to eat, and then try to tell me how hard you had it with a full belly and a warm home!”
“You’re right, predator,” Bikim says contemptuously, “I am a child of privilege. My family has a long and decorated military tradition, my father is a captain for the space corps, a brahking hero, and I’ve reaped the benefits of that. That privilege came at a cost though, and that’s called expectations. Second best is not good enough and I've had to put in ten times the effort as anyone else my whole life just to meet standards! At least you grew up with a father who was there for you and loved you without the condition that everything you do is perfect!”
“All that talk about reading my file and you didn't even get past the first page did you?” I snap at him with a snarl. “ I didn't grow up with a father at all! He's been dead since I was in elementary school! Killed in action! I barely even remember him anymore!”
That one seems to give Bikim pause, but I’m not done yet.
“If you and your whole family are such a bunch of brahking heroes then how come you're here, working as a common garrison exterminator in a run-down backwater city like this?” I taunt. “Shouldn't you be out gallantly fighting the Arxur with one of the fleets or on a colony pacification force rather than making my life here harder than it already is?”
“That's the price for failing to meet expectations,” Bikim quiets down, drawing away from the world and into himself, “the price for knocking up a beautiful, wonderful girl right after graduation and refusing to get rid of it afterwards. You get cut off. You lose that privilege, and you do whatever you have to in order to provide and try to be a good role model for your son.”
Now that one threw me for a loop. In the short time I’ve known Bikim I’ve had a lot of thoughts about him, few of them good, but never would I have expected him to be the type to take responsibility… For anything. Still, there is one thing about his story that doesn't line up…
“Oh really?” I take a step back as I watch for his reaction closely. “I seem to recall Jonsco mentioned just the other day that your wife had left you for a Human.”
“Don't you bring that brahking primitive into this!” Bikim's anger flares in an instant before returning to a subtle simmer of regret. “We’ve just been having a… a rough patch in our relationship. I’m not giving up on us. I’ll win her back. She's just… confused and being taken advantage of! It's all that damn predators fault!” Bikim sighs and sits down on a nearby bench. “You're not the only one whose had something taken from them because of this job. You're not the only one without a home to go back to.”
Looking at Bikim now, a sad, pathetic man moping on the bench with nothing better to do on his rest claw than to try to externalise his inner pain… I find it hard to stay angry at him. He's still a narcissistic brahk ass and a complete jerk, but it's hard to truly hate someone when you actually know them. I had made quite a few assumptions about him when we first met, and he certainly hadn't helped my impression of him since, but… perhaps I was wrong to judge him so harshly?
“Nah,” the voice chortles, “he’s a piece of speh that got what he brahking deserves for being an insufferable prick.”
Overhead the intercom crackles to life and I can hear Jonsco's voice reverberating over the airwaves.
“Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment. Repeat. Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment.”
“Sounds like it's time for your first field assignment, Kid.” Bikim says, staring up at the intercom. “At least it gets you out of my wool. Try not to brahk it up and make the rest of us look bad.”
“Hmph.” I turn to leave, muttering to myself. “Stupid brahkass.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N - Hello! Sorry this one took a while. Like I mentioned before I got delayed working on my Ficnapping chapter as well as a crossover One-shot that's still in progress (but hopefully will be done soon). In other news we have new art of Sawvek's life-changing encounter in the Builder's Lane Bloodbath as drawn by Miglove and you can still find that and everything else Nature of Family in the new Master Post linked up above.
If you like the story then please remember to upvote, comment, and use the “!Subscribeme” function to be alerted to all new posts. I post as often as I can but real life has a tendency of getting in the way and my job makes it almost impossible to keep to any kind of schedule. Your engagement and support go a long way towards helping to keep me on track and motivated, so thank you very much for reading and I hope you'll stay tuned for next chapter!