Should I reach out and apologize? Please help, any insights would really help me.
Hi, everyone. I'm 20F and my ex 22M has recently broken up, 2 days ago specifically. He broke up with me and told me that is he is tired and that our relationship is going nowhere. The reason is that we've been having arguments for I think 2 weeks before he decided to end it.
Now, to be honest, I realized that I picked a lot of fights because I felt insecure and I feared that he's going to abandon me. For context, I was passive aggressive with my tone and that made him defensive. I opened up about my feelings with him liking this celebrity girl on TikTok and I felt like he is more attracted to her than me because I've been posting a lot of pictures and he didn't complemented me and I just felt like I am unattractive and that maybe he don't want me anymore. (Looking back, I honestly think that I am immature with this one and I recognize that I relied on him for validation and assurance that I was still attractive for him.)
To continue, he said that okay he'll stop liking to make me comfortable and yada yada. After that 2 days later, he started reposting again this girl on tiktok and started sharing her pics, now this made me panic, I know, ridiculous. He started going off on me about how I am so immature and he just want someone who doesn't control her. I was hurt by what he said.
From this argument, we started to have another argument and another and another and it just keeps piling up. So, I decided to communicate with him. I know I did my best to keep my composure while communicating this on chat since we're LDR. I didn't become passive aggressive, I wasn't rude with him, No cussing or whatever, I talked with gentleness as much as possible as I don't want to make anything worse.
I told him that we need to communicate, I was sorry for being so insecure and I'll just support him if he wants to be a fanboy over that girl, that I was just feeling insecure at that time and needed compliment from him. Basically, I was sending paragraphs to him to really address the issues that we're having during the past few weeks and also to really apologize. He essentially told me to "shut my mouth" and he just wants a relationship that has peace, he said that can I just please stop talking and such and this made me feel extremely unheard and invalidated cuz I know all I want is communication and reassurance from him that we're gonna be okay even after all the fights.
After he said that, he was cold to me during the following days, I was being distant too since I was hurt and since I didnt wanna make things more complicated by opening up again my feelings, I didn't really talk that much. Fast forward he said that we should meet, we ate food and he was saying "sorry" and he said that he thought we will talk and I was nonchalant during our meet. I was really hurt and this was not to punish him, but the things that was running through my head is that he didn't really listen to me and invalidated me during the times that I wanted to really talk and what difference it would make if we will talk in person if he doesn't understand where i'm coming from.
So we didn't had that much talk. After that night, he decided to unfriend me on facebook w/o communicating so I asked what's the problem and he said he felt disrespected by our last meet since I didn't really talk. And then I apologized and said that I did that cuz he basically told me prior to meeting up to shut up and that's what I'm trying to give him. (Not to be rude or whatever) I was just trying to really give him what I thought he wants.
After that he broke up with me and I can't help thinking that maybe I was really the problem and maybe I should apologize to him. I don't know if I want him back, I am just questioning myself right now. Please help. :(

My partner (F18) and I (M19) are in a relationship for 4 months now. I know her since 2022 but finally decided to go in a relationship January this year. I don't know how to start but I have jealousy issues and I'm really insecure about myself. One thing that bothers me a lot is my jealousy.
She is a huge kdrama (Korean Drama) fan, and I'm jealous about those actors. I know it's very silly but I really can't help it.
One of her interest is Kdrama, which is basically a "Female Gaze" thingy, that's why there is so many good looking actors, and the role they play is so unrealistic, and purely fictional, and I fear that she will start having crush on them. I on the other hand, have a huge interest in Sports, such as Formula 1, Football etc. And, obviously there are no women. And I also feel bad about that her interest revolves around kdrama, which has "men" that are there to feed into delusions, and obviously good looking, meanwhile, my interest does not have any "women" at all. I used to follow random female influencers and celebrities before going into the relationship, because either they were beautiful or they were just cool. But she told me to remove them, as she got jealous about that after going on a relationship with me. Those influencers are what clicked my male gaze. Now I don't have any interest that revolves around any women. I used to watch porn and she told me to stop watching it. There's literally no way she can understand what I'm feeling because all I watch is sports, while she watches those very good looking men doing romantic things, which bothers me. I told her about it, and she said "I can give you assurance that i dont find them attractive at all, if i find them attractive, I will stop watching that drama" which was alright untill she said "If i find them attractive" - and those words kind of hurt. She also told me that she can never stop watching kdramas as she's been watching it since childhood and because she's so connected with it, which is fair because I also wouldn't be able to quit watching sports if someone told me to.
*TL;DR; : What do I need to do now? Be mature about it and accept she can find other men beautiful? If so, how to not be jealous about it? Need some advices as I have jealousy issues and I struggle with that a lot. If she finds those actors attractive somehow, shouldn't I also have the right to re-follow the influencers I used to follow? Shouldn't I have the right to watch porn too? What do I actually need to do? Be mature about it and try to suppress my jealousy? or... what? Are my feelings valid or am I just being too much? *

Trying to decide if my husband and I should reach out to the players in his ex wife's love triangle. Our daughter was panicking because she could not get a hold of her mother who is an on again off again drug addict/alcoholic/bipolapossible sex addict. Bio mom is in a relationship with a married man who lives out of state, he comes here regularly and pays for her entire life. (rent, bills, etc)Bio mom is now having an affair on him with a woman from her work and has been for over a year. She has been found out by the married boyfriend at least once before but they never broke up. Our daughter reached out to married boyfriend looking for bio mom last night and told him where she was - unknowingly revealing that mom was with the woman again. Our daughter has no idea about any of the details or that the affair with the woman has taken place, but was obviously on the verge of finding out. We have been advised to keep the kids at our home, and away from hers for fear of married boyfriend retaliating. I suspect this will be a repeat of the many other times she's gotten away with affairs and bad choices and that nothing will change and the kids will still be in harms way of these unhealthy choices and relationships and their consequences. Aside from being blunt with bio mom about keeping them with us for above reasons, we wonder if it's time to call married boyfriend's wife. I hate the idea of getting involved, an am also scared of what he's capable of as far as hurting his wife, his children, bio mom or our children.... thoughts?

I relapsed today, I know Im weak, but my faith will not falter.. I will win.
Romans 6:1 :- Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not!, How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?
And: There is now no more condemnation for those Who are IN CHRIST. Meaning we cannot continue with the attitude of "I can sin all I want, but Im still saved"
When we submit to CHRIST and follow His ways, be are baptized into His death, we crucify our flesh, that it may burn, and we are resurrected with JESUS, not of flesh, but of Spirit, that continually does the will of GOD.
So then why do we sin? Because we are cowards, we are weak, we are wimps.. We are scared to stand up and do what is required, in the face of adversity, in the face of temptation, in the face of the devil, we fail, because we are weak, and cowardly.. We're afraid to die, too afraid to burn the flesh on the alter as a sacrifice, too afraid and weak to crucify our flesh and desires. Jesus was not weak, he had the strength, and the courage to face temptation and reject evil, to do what was right, to haul that Cross to Calvary's mountain and to die for you..
The flesh says: "Let us drink and be merry! Let us waste our lives in lust and gluttony, pride and wrath are our principles!. Why waste our lives keeping ourselves chaste? we're all going to die anyway!" And hearing this, you might be enticed to just forget about God, His values, His teachings, His principles.
But you KNOW and your Spirit KNOWS: "The DAY is coming, the judgement is coming with Him. When Jesus will come back, sitting on the right hand of Power. He is coming at a time you do not expect"
People taught me *cough* u/fredtheuser *cough* that I cannot rely on emotions or feeling. And I must rely on what I KNOW, and have HEARD, and the truth is what I have heard, which is the WORD OF GOD.
So if we feed into every whim and whine of the flesh, it means we are weak, and we're too scared to face it. We're too afraid to give up our sins, we want to hold it close, and comfy, we don't want to leave our comfort zone because we think it'll hurt, it will cause pain... Jesus is giving you eternal life but we still choose sin. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.. The spirit needs to be stronger than the flesh, to find pleasure in servitude of the LORD and not of the devil..
My friends, pray for strength, pray for courage, pray for Love, pray that the LORD has mercy on our souls.. And do not boast, for if the LORD has cut of the branch of the olive tree to graft you in, He can just as easily cut you off, to graft another branch.. So be fearful, and repent.. I too need to learn this, otherwise, I'd just be a hypocrite, and God would hate me for that. Amen

Hello everybody, this is the first time I post here so I don’t even know how this will go…
I find myself in sort of a pickle… I got so attached to one of my best friends and it even extended beyond friendship in my eyes… I am so deeply afraid of losing that person but recently they’ve been pushing me away, for the first time ever in our friendship. I can’t help but feel like it is something I did… here’s the thing about me, I might be neurodivergent and so I tend to sometimes be loud without reading the room and that has been a cause of my bullying back in school. Nowadays, I put constant effort in order to make sure I read people’s reactions to my words and actions. This effort requires constant energy being spent and so one day I was just so tired that I forgot to mask… this annoyed my friend and we had a conversation where I spiraled and took things personally. I realized after that that my response and my apology was not correct as I was apologizing for myself only. After that everything felt fine and we even talked it out maturely but then two incidents happened. The first one was a few days after where my friend started acting very harsh towards me for a reason that I still don’t understand as they didn’t tell me and then I got an apology later on because in spite of everything I was giving them affection which they liked. The second incident was a week and a bit later,,, out of nowhere I get a text about them being uncomfortable to talk that day and wanting space. It’s day 2 now and that means the time for wanting space has finished according to the way they communicated the duration and now I just find myself blaming myself… I cannot think of a reason of why a person who is so close to me would distance themselves like this again with no explaination. I feel like I’m owed an explanation… I deserve one … I was always doing my everything for them and this just triggers my traumas and fear of abandonment… I don’t wanna lose them and I’m so afraid that they hate me… I was reasonable and i just reassured them that I’ll be there, that I love them, and that I’ll wait for them. But deep inside me I feel like my heart is being attacked by many many knives… I don’t know what to do… I keep crying every few minutes and overall I feel very hurt… idk what to do….
I just want advice on how to deal with this situation internally because externally I’ve done everything I could by the book and put my feelings aside to not bother them. I tend to be a people pleaser sometimes but I also tend to be very obsessive and selfish… I just want help and to feel better

Please discuss and if you would like rate out of 10.
The Boho Dance by Joni Mitchell
LYRICS
Down in the cellar in the Boho zone I went looking for some sweet inspiration, oh well Just another hard time band With Negro affectations I was a hopeful in rooms like this When I was working cheap It's an old romance the Boho dance It hasn't gone to sleep
But even on the scuffle The cleaner's press was in my jeans And any eye for detail Caught a little lace along the seams
And you were in the parking lot Subterranean by your own design The virtue of your style inscribed On your contempt for mine Jesus was a beggar, he was rich in grace And Solomon kept his head in all his glory It's just that some steps outside the Boho dance * Have a fascination for me
A camera pans the cocktail hour Behind a blind of potted palms And finds a lady in a Paris dress With runs in her nylons
You read those books where luxury Comes as a guest to take a slave Books where artists in noble poverty Go like virgins to the grave Don't you get sensitive on me 'Cause I know you're just too proud You couldn't step outside the Boho dance now Even if good fortune allowed
Like a priest with a pornographic watch Looking and longing on the sly Sure it's stricken from your uniform But you can't get it out of your eyes
Nothing is capsulized in me On either side of town The streets were never really mine Not mine these glamour gowns
FOOTNOTES
Boho Dance" [submitted by Debra Shea] Joni's Boho Dance is a personal story (it does seem to me she's talking to a particular person as well as thinking about where she fits in) and goes beyond Tom Wolfe's discussion of the art world, but it does start with it. The Painted Word was published in June 1975, the same year as HOSL, so the subject may have been talked about in Larry Poons's NY loft, along with Don't Interrupt the Sorrow (since LP is mentioned in the book, he probably knew about it before it was published).
And it's not so much about artists and critics, as about the relationship between artists and the people buying their art (with critics often(?) determining what those people are buying and the buyers purchasing not only art but the feeling that they, because of their relationship with the artist, are also bohemians -- at least briefly). It's Wolfe's premise that the visual arts are the only art form in which relatively few wealthy people decide what everyone else will see.
Not that knowing any of this is important to appreciating Joni's work, but I do like placing Joni in context, as opposed to her seeming to create in a vacuum. So now when rereading The Painted Word with Joni's Boho Dance in mind, some quotes jump out at me:
"...the [art mating] ritual has two phases: (1) The Boho Dance, in which the artist shows his stuff within the circles, coteries, movements, isms, of the home neighborhood, bohemia itself, as if he doesn't care about anything else; as if, in fact, he has a knife in his teeth against the fashionable world uptown.
(2) The Consummation, in which culterati from that very same world, le monde, scout the various new movements and new artists of bohemia, select those who seem the most exciting, original, important, by whatever standards -- and shower them with all the rewards of celebrity."
Wolfe then describes Picasso as an artist who excelled at this art mating ritual, compared to Picasso's friend Georges Braque, who is really the one who came up with Cubism:
"...here we have the classic demonstration of the artist who knows how to double-track his way from the Boho Dance to the Consummation as opposed to the artist who gets stuck forever in the Boho Dance. This is an ever-present hazard of the art mating ritual. Truly successful double-tracking requires the artist to be a sincere and committed performer in both roles.
Many artists become so dedicated to bohemian values, internalize their antibourgeois feelings so profoundly, that they are unable to cut loose, let go ... and submit gracefully to good fortune; the sort of artist, and his name is Legion, who always comes to the black-tie openings at the Museum of Modern Art wearing a dinner jacket and paint-spattered Levis's . . . I'm still a virgin!"
One verse especially seems to come from this paragraph, although Joni's words are so much richer. Joni's conclusion is that she's not involved in this art mating ritual at all: "The streets were never really mine. Not mine these glamour gowns." Is that because she was making music, instead of showing her artwork? At first I thought this song went beyond the art world and was about anyone getting stuck in a certain lifestyle, even if it's hurtful. But maybe she WAS just talking about the visual arts.
Most of the song is criticizing someone else. It does seem like she's aloof and separate from the Boho Dance, not that she's learned how to do it comfortably herself. Hmmm, is this actually a song about Joni's relationship to the art world?

Part 16: The awakening of the heart
.
.
As the Mysterious Stranger and the Seeker leave the old castle behind, they continue on the snow-covered path. A path appears on the right side, following parallel to their own. The two paths merge into one, which leads towards a volcano. As they progress, another parallel path from the left side merges as well with the current one.
.
In the distance, the Seeker spots a building, where the path tilts uphill. A sign points at a crossroad. An intersection, between realms. The crossroads, where all timelines meet up: Where the westward and the eastward paths meets the northern road.
Where the paths meet, stands a tavern. The lights are on. The chimney is smoking. A sign shows its name:
'The Red Ditch Inn'
.
.
“Wanna get something to drink,” asks the Stranger the Seeker.
“Sure, why not,” accepts the Seeker.
.
.
Before he opens the door knob, the Stranger hesitates and speaks to the Seeker:
“This is the bar, where the timelines of our souls meet up. This is the crossing of our life-paths, the intersection of fate. Be prepared, for what happens next.”
The Seeker and the Stranger walk into the building. As they open the door, they are started by the loud conversations. The inn is full. Many tables with different animals of all species.
.
.
The table in the center of the bar, has a label saying: 'Spirituality'
Around that table sit all kinds of different birds and animals. Pigeons, squirrels, Reptiles, cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, crows, mice, sloths. They are mostly talking about crystals and past lives.
.
.
There was a table, which said: 'astralprojection'. There sat an old bear, who carries many scars, wounded by countless battles, teaching young bear cups, who attentively listen to their elders. Some are making notes.
.
.
Next to it, is a table with a label saying: 'Enlightenment'
There sit some parrots all repeating the same mantra in unison:
“BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER, AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER.”
.
.
There is another table, called: 'Awakened'
There sit a caterpillar, a spider, a scorpion and an eagle.
“You have an Ego,” shouts the caterpillar at the spider, pointing his finger.
“No, you have an Ego,” shouts the spider back at the caterpillar.
“You both have an Ego,” accuses the scorpion both the caterpillar and the spider.
“Hey,” shouts the bird. “I am the eagle here!”
.
.
Next to it, is the table of 'nonduality'. The chairs are completely empty. There is no one here.
.
.
On the other side there is another table with many different birds and mammals, some more exotic animals from all around the world. The label says 'Soulnexus'. There is someone constantly screaming at the top of their lungs:
“I AM A PROFFESIONAL PSYCHIC READER WITH 14 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE!”
.
.
One table next to it is called 'starseeds'. The people sitting there do not look like animals, but like strange aliens. Some small and green beings, others big and gray, some with fur, some with scales, some humanoid. They were mostly talking about the past, exchanging some old memories. Among them is a chicken, who wears an alien costume.
.
As one of the Grey beings stands up to go to the toilet, the chicken whispers to the others:
“Psst guys, I think Fred may not be an actual Starseed.”
The other beings around the table start mumbling.
.
.
There is one more table called 'psychonauts'. The Stranger walks towards their table.
“Jo, wazzup Shawty,” greets the Stranger an old friend at the psychonaut-table, with a fist bump. “Long time no see.”
.
“Whoa, it's YOU,” responds the Tiger at the table, with red eyes, smoking his bong. “Last time I've seen you, I was like in DMT realm.”
.
“Is Burt anywhere around?” asks the Stranger.
.
.
“He is sitting there in the corner,” responds Shawty. The tiger points at a traumatized racoon sitting in the dark corner.
“I have seen too much,” mumbles the Burt the Racoon with eyes wide open, like a scratched record.
“I have traveled too far... I have seen, what lies within the emptiness. Never again... I will never do shrooms again...”
.
.
Suddenly the waiter taps the racoons shoulder, ripping him out of his thought loop.
“Sir... Do you wanna order anything?”
.
“Do you have McKennaii?”
“Yes,” responds the waiter.
“Then I'll have 7 grams,” orders the racoon.
.
.
The Seeker has a sudden thought and looks at the Stranger.
“What does the ' slash' on the tables, stand for?”
.
“I don't know...,” shrugs the Stranger. “ It's probably to reserve the table at this inn.”
.
.
.
The Stranger looks at all the tables, they are all talking and talking. Some are playing poker, others are playing dart, some drunks fight each other. Others talk about their identity or their favorite dogma. Some are showing off, how enlightened they are.
As they stand at the crossroads, they can either go Westwards, Eastwards and Northwards. Many have taken the western route, many have went eastwards, but they always ended back at the 'Red Ditch Inn' again.
The newbies, were unsure, whether to go west or east. The experienced ones, knew it doesn't make a difference, they would end up at the bar again anyway. Some were stuck in the bar since many decades, they had given up hope to ever find a way out. But few of them ever dared to walk northwards.
The Stranger sighs, as he looks around. His eyes flame up, he inhales deeply and climbs on a chair. With a raised voice he speaks:
.
.
.
.
“When did we lose our heart?
We lost our heart collectively.
Did we lose it, when we were still cavemen? When we had to survive the cold winters of the ice age? When we hunted down the last Homo Neanderthalensis? Or later on, when the first tribes waged war against each other? Did we lose our heart, when we enslaved each other? Did we lose our hearts, when we dropped atom bombs, or when we caused our first mass extinctions...The crimes, that Humans do in wars... All of us carry the sins of our forefathers on our shoulders.
.
.
We lost our hearts individually.
For the person it starts pretty early in their childhood. We lose our trust, when we are lied to. Almost everyone tastes the pain of Betrayal at least once in life. We are deeply wounded from childhood on. We learn early on, that humans hurt us and thus we become suspicious of humans. We learn not to trust each other. Because we are afraid of being hurt again. And so we close off our heart to protect it.
.
.
What is the heart?
I am not talking about the physical organ. I talk about this part in your 'soul', if I may call it that. It's like the core of our 'soul', of our 'astral body'. The centre of our 'energy' or chakras. We are afraid to open it, because it's very vulnerable. That's why we protect it. We are afraid to open it, because we don't trust each other.
But unless your heart is open, you can never experience unconditional love. Its flame must be activated.
The heart is your connection to everything. The heart is what connects you to 'source', if that's the word, you'd like to use. The heart is from where our love flows.
We have cut off the connection and became separated from the ALL. We made love conditional. We split hating from loving, dislike from like and created duality. We became attached. We let ourselves be corrupted by the Ego.
Now that we have closed the heart, what have we done to the world?
.
.
We turned the world into a place, that almost no one likes. We created a society, that keeps us in narrow boxes. We made the world a lonely place, for everyone to be in. Even in groups, we often feel lonely. We allowed money to rule over us. We allowed ideologies to split us and dogmas to control us.
We have so many different issues, that we just can't seem to overcome. Climate change. Wars. Corrupt politicians. Poverty. Starvation. Meaninglessness. Nihilism.
Where should we start with all that mess?
.
.
With ourselves. That is the place, where the transformation needs to start. We need to evolve. One person at a time. Only then, can the collective transform as well.
We need to open the mind and the heart. To see and to feel. To be aware and to love. We need to find harmony within ourselves. End the inner conflict and find peace within.
Find your own truest path.
Let go of any limiting beliefs. Let go of any attachments. Forgive whoever needs forgiveness and apologize to clear your regrets. Find Love.
Find your light within. See your light in all people. Love your enemies.
Recognize the Ego, be aware of what makes it grow. Become aware of any negative thought patterns. Be disciplined.
Clear your own shadows. Face your Trauma. Heal your inner child.
Get free from all bodily addictions. Be free of fear. Be free of suffering.
See the beauty of all things. Find joy in every moment.
Surrender yourself. Follow the heart. Be proud and courageous. Accept your life and your story. Embrace your story, without being attached to it.
Find your purpose. End the Seeking.
Be your authentic Self. Express Love through your character.
Become Love.
.
.
.
This is a possible path. And I just gave you the map. It can be walked. It was walked before. But it is a path into unknown territory. Only the bravest of you can walk this path. It's not for the faintest of heart.
You see, you all either follow the path of the left and go westwards or you follow the path on the right and go eastwards... But no matter how far you go, you'll always end up at the crossroads again. You never make any real progress.
What if there is another path? What if there's another way? What if I say, 'let us go north?!'”
.
.
.
Some of the crowd are in shock. Some are laughing. Others are mumbling.
“You can't walk north,” says a crow from the projectors. “It's impossible.”
“Everyone knows, that the northern road is a dead-end,” says an awakened Caterpillar. “It's a waste of time going up there. You can't go further, than the volcano.”
A psychonaut horse laughs. “That will be fun. Can't wait to see their disappointed faces, when they walk all the way back down.”
.
.
.
.
.
The Stranger continues undeterred:
.
“Why are you walking the spiritual path?
You felt called to do it, didn't you? You felt something within you. Something made click. You understood, that there is a deeper truth, that you must find. There was this deep longing within you. So you started walking.
What were the first things, that you were seeking?
You were seeking answers.
What were your first questions? You were asking, 'What is my purpose?' You were asking 'Why am I here'?
And you have searched in so many places. But no matter which answer you got, you were never fully satisfied. Because it wasn't your answer. Because it was someone else's answer.
So you stopped seeking. Either you were content with some unfulfilling answers or you just simply gave up. When did you stop finding your own answers?
Dogma or tradition give us easy answers. When we are attached to them, when we build an identity around them, we become unable to find our own answers. But you can't end Seeking with someone elses answers. Only when you have claimed the answer for yourself, can the Seeker transform into something different. Into something new.
Just ending the Seeker, like cutting off a limb, won't do it. The Seeker needs to find their answer to the question 'What is my purpose?' Not one, they read from textbooks. Not an answer, that someone else can give them. When ONE has found their own unique purpose in life, then instead of 'seeking', there is only 'expressing'.”
.
.
.
“I see that you are advanced,” speaks an enlightened owl. “However you are blinded by idealism. When you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you.”
.
“My friend,” says the Stranger. “I have not only stared into the abyss, I went to hell and back again to find my answer.”
.
.
.
Everyone falls silent, the Stranger continues:
“It was always here on earth. Heaven. It was always within us. Take a look around you. There is beauty in all things. If you search for it, you can find joy in every moment. Look for love in the world and you shall find love everywhere. Meet Life with gratitude and wonder. Face your experience, like an adventurer faces his challenge. Express unconditional love through your very being. Because this is how we heal Humanities greatest wound: The scar of nihilism.
It has all become so meaningless to us, hasn't it?
Memorizing knowledge at school or college, that you'll never need in real life. This feeling of being stuck in life. Day to day, going to a dead-end job for minimum wage. Living an unfulfilled life. The shattering of broken dreams. The tears of our suffering.
You know, why everything has become so meaningless?
We let our hearts get cold. After falling, we stopped getting back up again. We stopped facing our challenges.
You see, after every defeat, Humanity always got back up again. No matter how tough the challenge may seemed, Humanity never gave up.
We have forgotten, who we are.
All of us are Humanity. You, Me, everyone. We are all humanity. You, the individual human are HUMANITY. You are the Rest of mankind. Because we are all the same in our essence. When you open your heart, then this is your name: 'HUMANITY'
Because you see yourself in every other human. This is the name of the divine spark that sits within all of us. It is the fire, that burns in our eyes. This is Humanity: An archetype of victory and an idea of unity.
Let me ask you a very direct question. If we all came together to do our part, do you think that we could actually clean up the mess we have created? Do you think we have a chance of not only to survive but even to evolve as a species? And perhaps write even greater stories, than ever before?”
.
.
.
.
.
The entire crowd is silent. Most of them avoid eye contact. People start mumbling.
Then the crowd slowly gets louder again and the conversations on each table, continue as if nothing ever happened.
As the Stranger steps down from the chair, a monkey gets up from one of the tables, points his finger and screams:
“Look guys, this dude has ketchup on his outfit.”
.
.
While the crowd laughs at him, the Stranger goes to the bar and orders two beer. While he waits, he rubs off the ketchup stain from his clothes with his fingernails.
People are looking at him and the Seeker. The Seeker can't bear standing next to the Stranger and leaves the tavern. The Stranger pays for two beers. 140 Pesos. He then follows the Seeker outside.
.
.
“Wanna go already?” asks the Stranger while sipping from his beer.
“Those guys hate you now,” sighs the Seeker.
“Who cares?” shrugs the Stranger, while gulping down the beer in a single go.
.
.
.
A couple of animals exit the bar. All the animals, that had no place to fit in. All the animals that didn't belong. A rabbit, a cat, a goldfish, a squirrel, a bear, a fox, a goat, a pigeon, an eagle, a chicken in an alien costume and a dog.
.
“I will also follow my destiny,” speaks the eagle with determination. His heart is also activated.
.
.
“Alright,” says a bear with burning eyes. “Let's try going north... Perhaps this is how we'll finally get to Axis Mundi.”
.
“Going north... that sounds fun,” says the smiling fox. “Let's see how far, we'll come.”
.
“We are all gonna die anyway,” sighs the pessimistic goat.
.
“I never tried going north before,” contemplates the curious pigeon.
.
“10 bucks, that I am first at the top of the volcano,” bets the black cat, while looking at her claws.
.
“Deal,” agrees the dog, while hunting his own tail.
.
The rabbit thinks about the taste of carrots. She is hungry.
.
The squirrel is simply happy and excited for the new adventure. She can't stop dancing.
.
The goldfish has no idea, what he's actually doing. He just rolls around in a plastic bag.
“I... I will also walk my path,” speaks up the brave chicken in an alien costume. For the first time, the chickens eyes start burning.
.
.
.
Together, the new group of friends are traveling the northern road. Towards the volcano. As the sunset illuminates their backs, the animals start singing a new song. A song of excitement, of wonder and of bravery. A song, that goes something like: “We have found a way.”
.
.
.
TO BE CONTINUED
.
.
.
^{for more content visit:} We_Are_Humanity
^{Find previous part Here}
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cg7yqg/what_it_means_to_walk_togethe
^{Find next part Here:}
.
.
START JOURNEY HERE: https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/17zwf78/the_seeker_and_the_mysterious_stranger_part_1_of_7/
.
Checkpoint 4
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cbhoml/turning_shit_into_gold/
.
Special Bonus Chapters:
THE ONE TRUE SEEKER AND THE QUESTION OF FREE WILL
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cnaanw/special_bonus_chapter_the_one_true_seeker_and_the/

Part 16: The awakening of the heart
.
.
As the Mysterious Stranger and the Seeker leave the old castle behind, they continue on the snow-covered path. A path appears on the right side, following parallel to their own. The two paths merge into one, which leads towards a volcano. As they progress, another parallel path from the left side merges as well with the current one.
.
In the distance, the Seeker spots a building, where the path tilts uphill. A sign points at a crossroad. An intersection, between realms. The crossroads, where all timelines meet up: Where the westward and the eastward paths meets the northern road.
Where the paths meet, stands a tavern. The lights are on. The chimney is smoking. A sign shows its name:
'The Red Ditch Inn'
.
.
“Wanna get something to drink,” asks the Stranger the Seeker.
“Sure, why not,” accepts the Seeker.
.
.
Before he opens the door knob, the Stranger hesitates and speaks to the Seeker:
“This is the bar, where the timelines of our souls meet up. This is the crossing of our life-paths, the intersection of fate. Be prepared, for what happens next.”
The Seeker and the Stranger walk into the building. As they open the door, they are started by the loud conversations. The inn is full. Many tables with different animals of all species.
.
.
The table in the center of the bar, has a label saying: 'Spirituality'
Around that table sit all kinds of different birds and animals. Pigeons, squirrels, Reptiles, cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, crows, mice, sloths. They are mostly talking about crystals and past lives.
.
.
There was a table, which said: 'astralprojection'. There sat an old bear, who carries many scars, wounded by countless battles, teaching young bear cups, who attentively listen to their elders. Some are making notes.
.
.
Next to it, is a table with a label saying: 'Enlightenment'
There sit some parrots all repeating the same mantra in unison:
“BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER, AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER.”
.
.
There is another table, called: 'Awakened'
There sit a caterpillar, a spider, a scorpion and an eagle.
“You have an Ego,” shouts the caterpillar at the spider, pointing his finger.
“No, you have an Ego,” shouts the spider back at the caterpillar.
“You both have an Ego,” accuses the scorpion both the caterpillar and the spider.
“Hey,” shouts the bird. “I am the eagle here!”
.
.
Next to it, is the table of 'nonduality'. The chairs are completely empty. There is no one here.
.
.
On the other side there is another table with many different birds and mammals, some more exotic animals from all around the world. The label says 'Soulnexus'. There is someone constantly screaming at the top of their lungs:
“I AM A PROFFESIONAL PSYCHIC READER WITH 14 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE!”
.
.
One table next to it is called 'starseeds'. The people sitting there do not look like animals, but like strange aliens. Some small and green beings, others big and gray, some with fur, some with scales, some humanoid. They were mostly talking about the past, exchanging some old memories. Among them is a chicken, who wears an alien costume.
.
As one of the Grey beings stands up to go to the toilet, the chicken whispers to the others:
“Psst guys, I think Fred may not be an actual Starseed.”
The other beings around the table start mumbling.
.
.
There is one more table called 'psychonauts'. The Stranger walks towards their table.
“Jo, wazzup Shawty,” greets the Stranger an old friend at the psychonaut-table, with a fist bump. “Long time no see.”
.
“Whoa, it's YOU,” responds the Tiger at the table, with red eyes, smoking his bong. “Last time I've seen you, I was like in DMT realm.”
.
“Is Burt anywhere around?” asks the Stranger.
.
.
“He is sitting there in the corner,” responds Shawty. The tiger points at a traumatized racoon sitting in the dark corner.
“I have seen too much,” mumbles the Burt the Racoon with eyes wide open, like a scratched record.
“I have traveled too far... I have seen, what lies within the emptiness. Never again... I will never do shrooms again...”
.
.
Suddenly the waiter taps the racoons shoulder, ripping him out of his thought loop.
“Sir... Do you wanna order anything?”
.
“Do you have McKennaii?”
“Yes,” responds the waiter.
“Then I'll have 7 grams,” orders the racoon.
.
.
The Seeker has a sudden thought and looks at the Stranger.
“What does the ' slash' on the tables, stand for?”
.
“I don't know...,” shrugs the Stranger. “ It's probably to reserve the table at this inn.”
.
.
.
The Stranger looks at all the tables, they are all talking and talking. Some are playing poker, others are playing dart, some drunks fight each other. Others talk about their identity or their favorite dogma. Some are showing off, how enlightened they are.
As they stand at the crossroads, they can either go Westwards, Eastwards and Northwards. Many have taken the western route, many have went eastwards, but they always ended back at the 'Red Ditch Inn' again.
The newbies, were unsure, whether to go west or east. The experienced ones, knew it doesn't make a difference, they would end up at the bar again anyway. Some were stuck in the bar since many decades, they had given up hope to ever find a way out. But few of them ever dared to walk northwards.
The Stranger sighs, as he looks around. His eyes flame up, he inhales deeply and climbs on a chair. With a raised voice he speaks:
.
.
.
.
“When did we lose our heart?
We lost our heart collectively.
Did we lose it, when we were still cavemen? When we had to survive the cold winters of the ice age? When we hunted down the last Homo Neanderthalensis? Or later on, when the first tribes waged war against each other? Did we lose our heart, when we enslaved each other? Did we lose our hearts, when we dropped atom bombs, or when we caused our first mass extinctions...The crimes, that Humans do in wars... All of us carry the sins of our forefathers on our shoulders.
.
.
We lost our hearts individually.
For the person it starts pretty early in their childhood. We lose our trust, when we are lied to. Almost everyone tastes the pain of Betrayal at least once in life. We are deeply wounded from childhood on. We learn early on, that humans hurt us and thus we become suspicious of humans. We learn not to trust each other. Because we are afraid of being hurt again. And so we close off our heart to protect it.
.
.
What is the heart?
I am not talking about the physical organ. I talk about this part in your 'soul', if I may call it that. It's like the core of our 'soul', of our 'astral body'. The centre of our 'energy' or chakras. We are afraid to open it, because it's very vulnerable. That's why we protect it. We are afraid to open it, because we don't trust each other.
But unless your heart is open, you can never experience unconditional love. Its flame must be activated.
The heart is your connection to everything. The heart is what connects you to 'source', if that's the word, you'd like to use. The heart is from where our love flows.
We have cut off the connection and became separated from the ALL. We made love conditional. We split hating from loving, dislike from like and created duality. We became attached. We let ourselves be corrupted by the Ego.
Now that we have closed the heart, what have we done to the world?
.
.
We turned the world into a place, that almost no one likes. We created a society, that keeps us in narrow boxes. We made the world a lonely place, for everyone to be in. Even in groups, we often feel lonely. We allowed money to rule over us. We allowed ideologies to split us and dogmas to control us.
We have so many different issues, that we just can't seem to overcome. Climate change. Wars. Corrupt politicians. Poverty. Starvation. Meaninglessness. Nihilism.
Where should we start with all that mess?
.
.
With ourselves. That is the place, where the transformation needs to start. We need to evolve. One person at a time. Only then, can the collective transform as well.
We need to open the mind and the heart. To see and to feel. To be aware and to love. We need to find harmony within ourselves. End the inner conflict and find peace within.
Find your own truest path.
Let go of any limiting beliefs. Let go of any attachments. Forgive whoever needs forgiveness and apologize to clear your regrets. Find Love.
Find your light within. See your light in all people. Love your enemies.
Recognize the Ego, be aware of what makes it grow. Become aware of any negative thought patterns. Be disciplined.
Clear your own shadows. Face your Trauma. Heal your inner child.
Get free from all bodily addictions. Be free of fear. Be free of suffering.
See the beauty of all things. Find joy in every moment.
Surrender yourself. Follow the heart. Be proud and courageous. Accept your life and your story. Embrace your story, without being attached to it.
Find your purpose. End the Seeking.
Be your authentic Self. Express Love through your character.
Become Love.
.
.
.
This is a possible path. And I just gave you the map. It can be walked. It was walked before. But it is a path into unknown territory. Only the bravest of you can walk this path. It's not for the faintest of heart.
You see, you all either follow the path of the left and go westwards or you follow the path on the right and go eastwards... But no matter how far you go, you'll always end up at the crossroads again. You never make any real progress.
What if there is another path? What if there's another way? What if I say, 'let us go north?!'”
.
.
.
Some of the crowd are in shock. Some are laughing. Others are mumbling.
“You can't walk north,” says a crow from the projectors. “It's impossible.”
“Everyone knows, that the northern road is a dead-end,” says an awakened Caterpillar. “It's a waste of time going up there. You can't go further, than the volcano.”
A psychonaut horse laughs. “That will be fun. Can't wait to see their disappointed faces, when they walk all the way back down.”
.
.
.
.
.
The Stranger continues undeterred:
.
“Why are you walking the spiritual path?
You felt called to do it, didn't you? You felt something within you. Something made click. You understood, that there is a deeper truth, that you must find. There was this deep longing within you. So you started walking.
What were the first things, that you were seeking?
You were seeking answers.
What were your first questions? You were asking, 'What is my purpose?' You were asking 'Why am I here'?
And you have searched in so many places. But no matter which answer you got, you were never fully satisfied. Because it wasn't your answer. Because it was someone else's answer.
So you stopped seeking. Either you were content with some unfulfilling answers or you just simply gave up. When did you stop finding your own answers?
Dogma or tradition give us easy answers. When we are attached to them, when we build an identity around them, we become unable to find our own answers. But you can't end Seeking with someone elses answers. Only when you have claimed the answer for yourself, can the Seeker transform into something different. Into something new.
Just ending the Seeker, like cutting off a limb, won't do it. The Seeker needs to find their answer to the question 'What is my purpose?' Not one, they read from textbooks. Not an answer, that someone else can give them. When ONE has found their own unique purpose in life, then instead of 'seeking', there is only 'expressing'.”
.
.
.
“I see that you are advanced,” speaks an enlightened owl. “However you are blinded by idealism. When you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you.”
.
“My friend,” says the Stranger. “I have not only stared into the abyss, I went to hell and back again to find my answer.”
.
.
.
Everyone falls silent, the Stranger continues:
“It was always here on earth. Heaven. It was always within us. Take a look around you. There is beauty in all things. If you search for it, you can find joy in every moment. Look for love in the world and you shall find love everywhere. Meet Life with gratitude and wonder. Face your experience, like an adventurer faces his challenge. Express unconditional love through your very being. Because this is how we heal Humanities greatest wound: The scar of nihilism.
It has all become so meaningless to us, hasn't it?
Memorizing knowledge at school or college, that you'll never need in real life. This feeling of being stuck in life. Day to day, going to a dead-end job for minimum wage. Living an unfulfilled life. The shattering of broken dreams. The tears of our suffering.
You know, why everything has become so meaningless?
We let our hearts get cold. After falling, we stopped getting back up again. We stopped facing our challenges.
You see, after every defeat, Humanity always got back up again. No matter how tough the challenge may seemed, Humanity never gave up.
We have forgotten, who we are.
All of us are Humanity. You, Me, everyone. We are all humanity. You, the individual human are HUMANITY. You are the Rest of mankind. Because we are all the same in our essence. When you open your heart, then this is your name: 'HUMANITY'
Because you see yourself in every other human. This is the name of the divine spark that sits within all of us. It is the fire, that burns in our eyes. This is Humanity: An archetype of victory and an idea of unity.
Let me ask you a very direct question. If we all came together to do our part, do you think that we could actually clean up the mess we have created? Do you think we have a chance of not only to survive but even to evolve as a species? And perhaps write even greater stories, than ever before?”
.
.
.
.
.
The entire crowd is silent. Most of them avoid eye contact. People start mumbling.
Then the crowd slowly gets louder again and the conversations on each table, continue as if nothing ever happened.
As the Stranger steps down from the chair, a monkey gets up from one of the tables, points his finger and screams:
“Look guys, this dude has ketchup on his outfit.”
.
.
While the crowd laughs at him, the Stranger goes to the bar and orders two beer. While he waits, he rubs off the ketchup stain from his clothes with his fingernails.
People are looking at him and the Seeker. The Seeker can't bear standing next to the Stranger and leaves the tavern. The Stranger pays for two beers. 140 Pesos. He then follows the Seeker outside.
.
.
“Wanna go already?” asks the Stranger while sipping from his beer.
“Those guys hate you now,” sighs the Seeker.
“Who cares?” shrugs the Stranger, while gulping down the beer in a single go.
.
.
.
A couple of animals exit the bar. All the animals, that had no place to fit in. All the animals that didn't belong. A rabbit, a cat, a goldfish, a squirrel, a bear, a fox, a goat, a pigeon, an eagle, a chicken in an alien costume and a dog.
.
“I will also follow my destiny,” speaks the eagle with determination. His heart is also activated.
.
.
“Alright,” says a bear with burning eyes. “Let's try going north... Perhaps this is how we'll finally get to Axis Mundi.”
.
“Going north... that sounds fun,” says the smiling fox. “Let's see how far, we'll come.”
.
“We are all gonna die anyway,” sighs the pessimistic goat.
.
“I never tried going north before,” contemplates the curious pigeon.
.
“10 bucks, that I am first at the top of the volcano,” bets the black cat, while looking at her claws.
.
“Deal,” agrees the dog, while hunting his own tail.
.
The rabbit thinks about the taste of carrots. She is hungry.
.
The squirrel is simply happy and excited for the new adventure. She can't stop dancing.
.
The goldfish has no idea, what he's actually doing. He just rolls around in a plastic bag.
“I... I will also walk my path,” speaks up the brave chicken in an alien costume. For the first time, the chickens eyes start burning.
.
.
.
Together, the new group of friends are traveling the northern road. Towards the volcano. As the sunset illuminates their backs, the animals start singing a new song. A song of excitement, of wonder and of bravery. A song, that goes something like: “We have found a way.”
.
.
.
TO BE CONTINUED
.
.
.
^{for more content visit:} We_Are_Humanity
^{Find previous part Here}
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cg7yqg/what_it_means_to_walk_togethe
^{Find next part Here:}
.
.
START JOURNEY HERE: https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/17zwf78/the_seeker_and_the_mysterious_stranger_part_1_of_7/
.
Checkpoint 4
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cbhoml/turning_shit_into_gold/
.
Special Bonus Chapters:
THE ONE TRUE SEEKER AND THE QUESTION OF FREE WILL
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cnaanw/special_bonus_chapter_the_one_true_seeker_and_the/

I (22m) am turning 23 this Wednesday, and I have yet to be asked what I want for my birthday.
Throughout the past week I’ve been excited, but it’s been a looming thought that no one in my direct family has even approached me about it. The only people who’ve acknowledged my birthday are my biological father (who I have a touch and go relationship with) and my paternal grandparents (whom I have the same relationship with).
It just hurts the only people who have done anything in regard to my upcoming birthday are the folks I talk to maybe 3times a year!
Yesterday I did try calling my mom and mentioned my birthday, but it was like it went right over her head and she just focused on a trip she’s taking to my state in a couple of months!
When she finally asked as to what I want for my birthday, I… blanked out. I stammered out maybe a new belt and maybe money, but my mom then offered some kind of instapot pressure cooker.
A fucking pressure cooker.
At the time I muttered something in regard to no, but today (after processing the whole thing) I am both sad and angry!
My birthday is less than a week away and I have to personally inquire to my family about my own birthday!
Am I a-hole to feel this way? Feeling like I’m forgotten? Would I be one if I confront them on this mere days from my birthday?
If not, how would I talk to them?
I have to admit that I’m scared of my parents, as they mostly ruled the household via fear and pressure. When me and my brother did confront them on how they messed us up, they reacted by canceling our phone plan and car insurance; in which we now have to cover those ourselves.
The final thing they hold over us/me is their amazing medical insurance and their offer to pay for my associates degree. If I do this, I’m afraid they might retract these; all because I’m upset my parents are forgetting my birthday.

I (22m) am turning 23 this Wednesday, and I have yet to be asked what I want for my birthday.
Throughout the past week I’ve been excited, but it’s been a looming thought that no one in my direct family has even approached me about it. The only people who’ve acknowledged my birthday are my biological father (who I have a touch and go relationship with) and my paternal grandparents (whom I have the same relationship with).
It just hurts the only people who have done anything in regard to my upcoming birthday are the folks I talk to maybe 3times a year!
Yesterday I did try calling my mom and mentioned my birthday, but it was like it went right over her head and she just focused on a trip she’s taking to my state in a couple of months!
When she finally asked as to what I want for my birthday, I… blanked out. I stammered out maybe a new belt and maybe money, but my mom then offered some kind of instapot pressure cooker.
A fucking pressure cooker.
At the time I muttered something in regard to no, but today (after processing the whole thing) I am both sad and angry!
My birthday is less than a week away and I have to personally inquire to my family about my own birthday!
Am I asshole to feel this way? Feeling like I’m forgotten? Would I be one if I confront them on this mere days from my birthday?
If not, how would I talk to them?
I have to admit that I’m scared of my parents, as they mostly ruled the household via fear and pressure. When me and my brother did confront them on how they messed us up, they reacted by canceling our phone plan and car insurance; in which we now have to cover those ourselves.
The final thing they hold over us/me is their amazing medical insurance and their offer to pay for my associates degree. If I do this, I’m afraid they might retract these; all because I’m upset my parents are forgetting my birthday.

Chapter 3:
Jason hated traveling through The Void; that unknowable space between worlds, the infinite cracks in the fabric of reality, through which divinity traveled the multiverse; the bloody place was hell on his senses. No matter how many times he was sent through it, it always felt like he was somehow falling in three different directions, and a few different dimensions, all at once. The experience had left him puking his guts out on the shoes of more than one noble lord or lady, once he finally materialized onto whatever backwater planet his current mission sent him to. It had gotten better, or at least he had gotten better at holding down his lunch, after the eighth summoning... or was it the tenth? He couldn’t quite remember at the moment.

The lack of direction was hardly the only ‘selling point’ for why The Void was such a pain to deal with. As the name implied, the space between worlds was devoid of anything and everything. He could still vaguely remember the first time he was shunted through the place; he had thought he was blind. The complete lack of light in the place made it basically impossible to tell if you had your eyes open or closed at any given moment. Hell, he still wasn’t 100% if he even HAD eyes while in this place. Heck it was not beyond possibility that the more delicate organs simply didn’t exist while transitioning, only reappearing once the traveler was spat out into the new world.

Worst of all though, had to be the utter lack of ‘stuff’ within The Void. There was something... unsettling, about “falling” through space without the feeling of air, water, dust, ANYTHING touching your skin. Ok well maybe he was being a bit hyperbolic saying “anything”, he could feel the clothes on his body. He had thought maybe it was just his imagination, his mind desperately trying to force some semblance of order onto this strange and order-less place. That thought, however, had been dispelled after... was it the fourth or fifth trip? He wasn’t sure why it took him so long to finally try it, but he had finally gotten around to trying to touch something. To no one's surprise, there was nothing to touch within this place; well, nothing other than himself. His skin, his clothes, his hair; all of it was real, the only real things in this bizarre place.

He claimed that the lack of stimuli was the biggest issue with The Void, but the more he thought about it, the less sure he was that that was really the case. Without stimuli it became increasingly difficult to measure time. Each trip was somehow an eternity that passed in an instant, while also being a moment that stretched out for what felt like an epoch. Part of him assumed it had to be a fairly short period of time spent in this place, the human mind was not exactly known to do well in utter sensory deprivation. But another part of him concluded that he must spend ungodly amounts of time stuck in this perfect darkness. Why else would he always materialize with eyes dilated and skin so pale it was like he hadn’t seen a lick of sunlight for decades?

With an unnatural suddenness, Jason’s attention snapped back to the present. He could suddenly feel air rushing against the back of his head, his clothes flapped and snapped in this abrupt hurricane force gale. Even with his eyelids tightly shut, his eyes sent wave after wave of pain crashing into his brain. Light streamed through his squinted lids. He wasn’t 100%, but experience told him that he was either smack dab in front of a raging inferno... or he had just materialized in such a way as to be staring directly at this world’s star.

...Stars?

After the initial shock of materialization wore off, Jason realized quite quickly that he was in fact falling. A hiccup, made into a proper problem by the fact that he never had gotten around to trying skydiving back on Earth, so he was not really sure how to go about righting himself. He tried spreading out his limbs, having some ambient knowledge that more surface area meant more wind resistance, which meant a (albeit small) decrease in his velocity towards the ground. It had been little more than luck, but his right arm spasmed for a moment and remained locked to his side. The sudden rise of air resistance on only half of his body, caused him to flip over, finally sparing his precious eyes from the harsh sunlight.

Cracking his eyes just the tiniest bit open, the world around him was a smudgy mess. Even with his eyes having managed to adjust to some small degree, it still hurt to have them open. An experience made all the worse by the wind buffeting his face and threatening to dry them out. He closed his eyes and blinked a few times. Fighting through the discomfort, he tried opening his eyes a little more. This time as his eyes opened, the world came into crisp view.

The sky was mostly clear, allowing him to marvel at its breathtaking orange color. A few puffy green clouds dotted the otherwise unmarred horizon. He could make out the faint outline of two small moons, barely visible in the midday light. The third moon was slightly harder to miss; he had seen his fair share of supermoons back on Earth, but they paled in comparison. This Ubermoon as he decided to call it, was clear as can be and took up a good fourth of the sky.

A stray curiosity flickered through his mind about how this world’s oceans must be affected by three moons, and what kind of effects the close proximity of the Ubermoon, would have on the tides. He decided to shelve that particular thought for now, figuring that once he was safely back on Terra Firma he could spend all the time he wished admiring the sky and moons. The ground seemed particularly enamored with him, apparently wanting to get a nice face-to-face greeting, as it rushed to meet him at what he guessed was probably about 200-300 MPH.

A part of Jason had to chuckle at how calm he was. If he had to guess, he had been falling for a good two minutes now. His previous record was a measly two to three seconds before his courage had run dry and he had cast a Slow Fall spell. As the wind continued to whip at his face, Jason decided that he had had his fun. He closed his eyes, he breathed deeply, and extended his senses outwards searching for the telltale signs of magic in this world. Immediately he could feel it in the air, he could sense it spiderwebbed across the planet in great magical Leylines. Magic was heavy upon this world, heavier than he had ever felt before. He mused that with this density of Aether, even the common folk were like as not to be proficient mages. It wouldn’t surprise him if a common farmer in this world had more aptitude for magic than a few of the high mages he’d run into during previous incarnations.

So intoxicated by the power of this world, Jason decided to try casting a spell that had evaded him in many of his past lives. Pulling the raw power into himself he spoke the word, Fly. For the briefest of moments, he felt his descent slow; felt the magical power wash over his body as it tried to fight the forces of gravity. Then he felt the searing agony as this world’s mana flowed through his body. The sudden burst of pain broke his concentration on the spell. As quickly as it started, the feeling passed, his body once more becoming as buoyant as a flesh filled lead balloon. A nearly imperceptible *ding* went off as the spell failed; sadly, Jason could not hear it over the wind screaming past his ears.

He pondered why the spell had started to work, only for him to be consumed with immense pain. Stranger still was that apparently the pain did not translate to actual damage taken. It had felt like his hands were about to burn away, but according to the logs he had taken a whooping 0 damage, fire or otherwise. “Another thing to explore once I’m safely on the ground”, he thought to himself.

Seeing as how the spell had started to work, Jason deduced that he must have just used the wrong word of power. This was not entirely surprising; he was still using the language settings from his last mission... maybe this world used different terms? He thought he remembered something similar to this happening to him way back when, if he remembered right, he thought it was referred to as ‘mana burn’. Given the limited amount of time he had for trial and error, he decided to simply cut out the middleman and use Primal. Sure, saying anything, much less casting anything, using the elder tongue took far longer, but it did have the appeal of being a universal language... Real shame the Gods hoarded the knowledge of the language's existence.

Hells he had only learned about it by sheer luck. Having caught the tail end of a conversation between two Divines, after he had mysteriously dropped dead during one of his missions. Then he had had to game the system for several incarnations to squirrel away enough credits, to buy the upgrade that let him translate and speak the blasted thing.

“Grg’Thun dilock aragos nevadool IMPERITOS. Eloom daruso igora myrousnar barumbarae“, he chanted. Again, his body felt lighter than air, and again just as fast as it started his body was racked with a searing pain. Another almost silent chirp, this one just ever so slightly louder, sounded as the spell fizzled out. Once more Jason failed to notice the background noise over the gale force howling in his ears.

Gritting his teeth through the pain, he tried to understand what was happening. He noticed that his hands were covered in blisters as if he had just grabbed a red-hot coal directly out of a firepit. He checked his stats and found everything in proper order. He still had the Divine Protections, and his life bar didn’t show a single point of fire damage, so what the hell was going on?

The spell had been perfect, but for whatever reason Jason knew that it simply hadn't had enough power to activate properly. A sickening thought flashed through his head. Yes, it was possible... the world was flush with mana, but that mana was crude; unrefined. Was it possible that since this world was so rich in crude ambient Aether, that casters had to actively purify and distill their mana before it could be used? The first hints of fear started to creep into the corners of Jason’s mind. He snuck a peak at the ground, and immediately wished he hadn’t. He could already make out the rough outlines of some kind of merchant caravan traveling between the massive trees. He knew that he didn’t have time to distill the necessary mana to try and cast the Fly spell again.

Thinking quickly, he decided that the only safe option was to use a simple Slow Fall spell. It wasn’t glorious, and the abrupt change in descent speed would feel like shit, and make him look worse upon landing, but at least there didn’t look to be too many witnesses around to see him land like a goober. Taking another deep breath, he pulled in as much ambient mana as he could from his surroundings. Working as fast as his body could, he purified and distilled the mana down. He could feel the immense power of it, as bolts of magic coursed across his skin.

He could feel that mana straining against him, singeding off the hair along his arms. He tried to ignore the pain, he just needed to last a little longer, but the process BURNED. According to every system based data point he had access to, Jason was 10,000% fine. According to what his body was telling him, his blood had been replaced with magma.

Once more he spoke the word of power. He channeled every ounce of the pure mana into the spell, willing the arcane words into existence with all his might. Mana flew from his skin, infusing the script with more power than it had any right to be able to handle. Pale blue lights began to swirl around his body, he could feel the effects of the magic taking hold. He could feel his body becoming lighter and lighter. As joy flooded his heart, he heard it. A high-pitched whine, that was getting louder and louder.

Then with a sickening *snap* he saw his spell shatter apart. The excess mana, having finally strained the arcane construct to its breaking point. As if in some twisted mockery, the spell folded back in on itself. The surge of magic rewriting and reforging the spell into something new. He felt his body return back to its normal weight, then increase. Heavier and heavier he became, his weight increasing quintuple fold. In addition to the added weight came added speed, he rocketed towards the ground, faster and faster. He didn’t even have time to curse his luck, before he hit the ground, headfirst.

As his body, gear, items.... basically, everything that was even tangentially “Jason” and/or “Jason” adjacent, were turned to a fine mist. Two separate, yet equally important things happened nearly simultaneously. First, a single, otherwise unassuming, gold coin pulsed a vibrant cerulean before shattering into countless shards. As the energy rippled outwards, time seemed to slow to a nearly imperceptible stop. This first effect was both heavily fortunate and deeply problematic for Jason. As time slowed, the core of what made Jason, Jason, was able to activate a single automated ability, [Ignore Pain]. The ability did its best to bank the entirety of the damage influx, turning the sudden burst of damage into a much more manageable damage over time effect. Sadly, as would be a running theme for Jason in the immediate future, the sheer level of incoming damage tore through the ability's limiters like a cannonball through wet tissue paper.
< l l Next>

I haven't been here in a while. I haven't been trying to avoid this place, but somehow it just doesn't feel as important as it used to. My old interests are coming back. I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm not sure if it's these new meds working or if it's just placebo.
You might have seen the stories I've written these past few days, or maybe you haven't. When the creativity hits, it still hits. I just don't have that all-consuming need to share it with you anymore. They're there if you want to read them. Just look.
I've met someone new. It started off as just an online friendship, but these past few days she's been coming onto me pretty strong. It feels nice, being wanted for a change. Of course it would never work out, we live on opposite ends of the country and I refuse to do long distance. Ironic how the universe can change our positions like that in just an instant, isn't it? But still, it's nice.
This is not to say I don't care about you. I still do. But there is something I need to say, and I need you to listen and understand, without judgment. I neglected myself when I was waiting for you. I held off on experiencing the things I wanted to experience in life because I only wanted to experience them with you by my side. Now that I know that is not an option, I can't hold myself back anymore. I would only be hurting myself.
I forgot who I was because I dedicated myself to becoming someone you would accept and appreciate. I became someone else, because you never showed any interest in me. I thought I had to be perfect in order to get your attention. I won't make that mistake again.
It wasn't your fault. I did these things because I was so desperate to be with you that I was willing to pay any price, even if it destroyed me, and I'm sorry for that. But that wasn't love. That was obsession, desperation and fear. Having gone through all of this, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I feel now for you truly is love. I just want both of us to be happy, with or without each other.
I'm not sure when I'll be here again. A friend of mine is in a bad place, and I'm not sure how I can help him, but I have to find a way. If you need me, you know how to reach me. I'll send updates when I can. I miss you, and I'm here for you too.

Without context this sounds even more rambled. I just want a space to share my hurt and pain. And how intense the feelings of someone leaving a person with BPD can be. How my brain is not wired correctly enough to handle when fear of abandonment is triggered.
—————-
I hope you’re okay I hope your family is okay.
I realize I did the best for myself and you did the best thing for yourself. You felt every feeling I felt, I did my best to control my emotions and I think I did well. Despite your criticism about me and what I needed to do or how I needed to be, I just did my best with my feelings. And me opening up to you about my most deepest darkest secret, my inner torture was selfish. I wanted you to care about me on another level that you were not equipped for and not ready for.
I’m glad I got angry at you, I glad I pushed back and said what you are offering isn’t enough for me. It was hard. It was so hard to say “no, I’m not going to accept that even if that means losing you completely”
When you said that one line to me all I heard was “I don’t want you but here is an easier way for me to say it.” And that was me understanding what you were really saying that you couldn’t say. That you didn’t feel brave enough saying yet. So I took that control. That responsibility off your shoulders.
I scared you that morning. I know I did. I was trying to take control of the situation. I was trying to burn it down so I can say that it was me that didn’t want this. I always intended to give you your things back, but I enjoyed that last little bit of power I had over you.
Did it feel good to tell someone you didn’t want them the way you’d been told? Did it make you feel powerful again?
To see you get so angry at me for hearing your truth. Hearing you without your mask.
I wanted to make you feel as uncomfortable as I did when I stared at you. How broken and in pain I was.
I wanted to reconnect so I asked for intimacy. You seemed repulsed by me. It ruined me to understand you didn’t want me anymore.
Please forgive me. This was my second time dealing with a massive trigger. I’m so blind in these. It’s like my feelings are on broil, and my insides are on fire. I’m opening windows and extinguishing it out using twisted words and fits of rage. Please accept me for me even when I’m at my worst.
I had therapy yesterday. I reached out to all my friends who patiently listened to me cry as I told them I had lost someone I thought would be here for a long time. I went to yoga, and stretched out the ache of this weekend. And as I wrung out my soul over the mat, I let my tears fall freely. What else could I do?
I want to make you a monster. A digestible version of you that makes me understand why I hurt all over.
I felt silly for disturbing her peace. But I just had to know if the person I saw that day was who you were or who I made up in my head through my tinted glasses.
I sent you that song. I just wanted you to know I would remember all the good and that’s all I’d be able to have.
I couldn’t go back home. I wasn’t punishing you. I didn’t go back home, I went to my best friend’s house and I explained how I felt. I said all the words I couldn’t say to you because I needed to process things. I feel like if you had gotten the version I told her, you would’ve understood. You wouldn’t have been angry, scared or overwhelmed. You would’ve comforted me. Have you ever wanted to be held by the person who was breaking you?
I won’t drink anymore. I’m too disgusted with myself.
I saw Jeremy Allen White and Ayo Debriri today. I wanted to call you sooo bad but I couldn’t. I don’t have you to call anymore. I got home and instead of crying alone, I called my best friend and let her hear me cry again. She was patient, supportive. I do have a community to escape to whenever I’m broken. Will it be enough for the edges of my mind?
I keep wondering what version of this story are you going to tell people? That you met a girl that turned out to be crazy and you were glad you dipped out? Or will you tell them about a girl you tried really hard to like through your own pain. How she grasped on to your attempts to be this person for her. How you had to tell her that you weren’t there yet nor would you ever be. How she lashed out because it’s the only way she knows how to deal with such an intensity of emotions. How you were overwhelmed at how unstable she could be. How you had to hear her talk about you being a apart of her finality. How she laid down her soul in attempts for you to save it. How you had to tell her she had to save herself.
It hurt me so much for you to tell me you thought I was going to hurt you. Like the version in front of you had erased the person I showed you I was all these months. I thought you knew I hated myself more than I hated you, even as you unintentionally hurt me to save yourself. I could never hurt you. I just wanted you to see me raw and broken. I wanted you to see me and want me anyway.
If a simple trip to a new city was too soon for us. Why would you seeing the worst part of me make you want to stay?
I wish you knew how much restraint had during this episode. How I would usually say things to people to take them apart from the inside, how I would picked at your greatest insecurities, I would take the secrets you’d given me and torture you with them. I didn’t do any of that. And you might not see how much I’ve grown from where I was.
It makes me sad when you say you wished you handled things differently. Because I think you’re saying that you wished you never knew me at all. I can’t let myself think in such black and white terms. I can’t make you into a monster to make you digestible for my pain. I have to believe you’re grey. You’re human.
The shirt hurt me. It made things so finite. It was you saying, “I don’t ever want to see you again and I don’t want any semblance of you around me”. It was like a gunshot wound but this time there was no exit point. It lingered deep inside of me and shredded my vital organs. It was you reminding me you were abandoning me.
You did really good. You handled me so well. You did your best. You were delicate with me. Thank you.
I’m worried that you think who I was that day is who I am. I hope you know I put a mask on that day and I didn’t take one off.
I woke up today and everything still hurt.

i had an interesting revelation today. i’ve had some time to focus on healing recently, so i’ve been doing a lot of work. before today i’ve come to many very helpful truths, which all fall under the category of “being honest about what happened to me, and being honest about the unhealthy relationships in my life” and then like, how to navigate all that so i can be more free and happy. very helpful!
it’s clear to me that certain people and events hurt me, but so once i’ve understood that and adjusted or terminated those relationships what am i left with? it’s just me that remains.
my revelation today seems like a platitude. the words i have to use to describe it make it sound really dumb or even unhelpful. sorry if it sounds that way, i hope this makes some small amount of sense to someone.
given the concept that we form mental and emotional habits that are sometimes unhealthy, i understood that maybe i developed low self esteem as a kind of comfort. i can’t explain it, but feeling sorry for myself is easy and it even feels good in a way. growing up in an environment that offered so little that feeling bad felt good, i guess that makes some amount of sense.
i started referring to that as “feeding the despair hole”, which began to explain many things, including my ADHD tenancies (if not the entire diagnosis, but i’m not an expert). if i am consumed with always feeling sorry for myself, i have no energy for anything else. i engage with many activities that feed or pacify the despair hole, which all seems very much like depression.
i would never have guessed that i’ve just been feeling sorry for myself for 40 years, because that sounds like, “ok, so just feel better, get some fresh air, cheer up”. this is where it’s kinda hard to explain, because it’s not that simple, but also, it is that simple? needless to say, “cheer up” is borderline offensive to me, as someone who struggles with mental health. like, don’t brush away trauma like it’s a rainy day.
and yet the truth seems to be that i’ve been wasting my time and energy on something that made sense a long time ago. for some reason that ONLY makes sense to me now. i could have heard this 1,000 times and i would have said, “no, i’m depressed because i’m a failure of a human being”, but now, with everything in perspective, it’s like, “ah, well i was keeping the despair hole open for business because there were so many good uses for it; there was plenty of despair!”
maybe that’s it. with the junk cleaned up, without the fear and the confusion, maybe the despair hole can hopefully finally become obsolete. or at least less influential.
it’s a process, but i think this is a good step.

I've never been the type of musician to play in multiple bands/projects if they have overlapping/similar sounds. For example, I play in a band (we'll say Band A (mostly covers and some originals. More classic rock/80s/90s)) and have a solo project (all original material, very experimental industrial rock-leaning). I like to keep separate things separate.
I'm also the primary songwriter for Band A (i write drastically different material for both the band and my solo stuff), and we're working on our second album. I've been really pushing this year to get into new venues, expand our reach, etc...
Here's where it gets tricky. The three other members i play with in Band A, also play in another band (Band B). Most of the music Band A plays overlaps with Band B (aside from originals, obviously), we're just a little more high-energy and play a little more varied stuff, and Band B plays quite a bit of country added in). Also, the rest of Band B is compromised of coworkers and colleagues (mostly lawyers from local firms), and they typically only play like 2 shows a year (for their corporate stuff). That's never bothered me, because I know that Band B is not actively working on any goals outside of that.
So my dilemma is, they recently played at some fundraiser (which they don't usually do), and apparently one of the members of Band B got them booked for a gig downtown during one of the "downtown summer festivals", which is typically a really good showcase for music acts around here. That dude is really good friends with the promoter for the festival (who also happened to be in charge of the fundraiser) so he pretty much was just offered the gig. He accepted and told the rest of Band B about it after the fact. (This gig is typically fully booked like 8 months in advance, and it's pretty difficult (for various reasons) to get on the bill)
I know I shouldn't be upset that that Band B got the gig, but for the rest of the members that play in Band A, I figured they would've been more along the lines of us playing it instead.... since we're the ones that are actively working on getting bigger and already have a dozen gigs lined up for the summer. I mean, as far as growth, Band B doesn't need or want it (I mean hell, they change their name almost every year).
Band A needs this. And part of me fears that if Band B uses that as a spring board (unintentionally or not), it would possibly take away more opportunities from Band A.
I guess I'm also hurt because Band A as a whole has talked about getting booked for that summer downtown festival for the past couple of years and we've all wanted to do it. The rest of Band A is excited because they get to be a part of it this year, except they're playing with Band B, and I feel let down, because they're supposed to be "just a business band that plays the company Christmas party and once during their yearly Award ceremony".
Am I overreacting? Should I just let it slide, and shoot for next year? This has never been an issue before and most of us have played together for almost 7 years

Hey, I know, did something I shouldn't have. I caught feelings for you. And perhaps worst of all, I let you know how I felt. Unfortunately for me at least, you saw me not that way or at least you weren't ready according to you. And that's fine.
But then came the distance. I see you slowly back off. Something I feared would happen even before asking you to a date. The destruction of our friendship and ultimately the loss of another friend. I hate this and honestly I never wanted to have a crush on you. It just happened. And you're incredible, so who wouldn't.
I don't know what to do or honestly how else to approach this pain except just letting you go instead of trying to make you stay in my life like I tried to do once. I mean I already tried talking to you about the distance you're putting up and you assured me that we were okay. Even now it hurts and sometimes I do feel anger brewing within me for that lie of us being okay when we actually aren't. If you want me out of your life, say it to me and I'll leave in 5. Yeah it'll hurt but at least I won't feel phased out.
What scares me is letting other people in. Would I ever let myself be vulnerable again? I truly don't know. But I hope I have enough strength and I really do hope you have a great life ahead. You're an incredible person and I'll always see you that way.
I hope you're okay, Everlight.

Walking the Path together (Part 16)

https://preview.redd.it/xkks1c25dt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16a8c2bf518cff73d42e5f3c1d27b6b1b8a60f1f
Part 16: The awakening of the heart
.
.
As the Mysterious Stranger and the Seeker leave the old castle behind, they continue on the snow-covered path. A path appears on the right side, following parallel to their own. The two paths merge into one, which leads towards a volcano. As they progress, another parallel path from the left side merges as well with the current one.
.
In the distance, the Seeker spots a building, where the path tilts uphill. A sign points at a crossroad. An intersection, between realms. The crossroads, where all timelines meet up: Where the westward and the eastward paths meets the northern road.
https://preview.redd.it/oqc06uf6dt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbaf67402c9e8a329d687c02cf702e80e04efecf
Where the paths meet, stands a tavern. The lights are on. The chimney is smoking. A sign shows its name:
'The Red Ditch Inn'
https://preview.redd.it/6whs3tj7dt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=820ac22a874776c86e754d0382bde5f5735ccaec
.
.
“Wanna get something to drink,” asks the Stranger the Seeker.
“Sure, why not,” accepts the Seeker.
.
.
Before he opens the door knob, the Stranger hesitates and speaks to the Seeker:
“This is the bar, where the timelines of our souls meet up. This is the crossing of our life-paths, the intersection of fate. Be prepared, for what happens next.”
The Seeker and the Stranger walk into the building. As they open the door, they are started by the loud conversations. The inn is full. Many tables with different animals of all species.
.
.
The table in the center of the bar, has a label saying: ''
Around that table sit all kinds of different birds and animals. Pigeons, squirrels, Reptiles, cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, crows, mice, sloths. They are mostly talking about crystals and past lives.
https://preview.redd.it/1gczavj8dt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a043fd5f0a8e19b6741d4142e627a9ff04c61a40
.
.
There was a table, which said: ''. There sat an old bear, who carries many scars, wounded by countless battles, teaching young bear cups, who attentively listen to their elders. Some are making notes.
https://preview.redd.it/cs1bnyw9dt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0dc23c517d3228eb12105a714957e7e640ecdb5
.
.
Next to it, is a table with a label saying: ''
There sit some parrots all repeating the same mantra in unison:
“BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER, AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER.”
https://preview.redd.it/gpm5171cdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51e94aa82f38d74ca688e52ac6b6353a9bf0a20f
.
.
There is another table, called: ''
There sit a caterpillar, a spider, a scorpion and an eagle.
“You have an Ego,” shouts the caterpillar at the spider, pointing his finger.
“No, you have an Ego,” shouts the spider back at the caterpillar.
“You both have an Ego,” accuses the scorpion both the caterpillar and the spider.
“Hey,” shouts the bird. “I am the eagle here!”
https://preview.redd.it/t6ih4otddt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f43ad75ac85304530493f99c0040fcfca8e4e828
.
.
Next to it, is the table of ''. The chairs are completely empty. There is no one here.
https://preview.redd.it/02lskmefdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7bb62a9d0282b31fac7592ed1f5318a75a59b05a
.
.
On the other side there is another table with many different birds and mammals, some more exotic animals from all around the world. The label says ''. There is someone constantly screaming at the top of their lungs:
“I AM A PROFFESIONAL PSYCHIC READER WITH 14 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE!”
https://preview.redd.it/yeejn1zgdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bf306e303a289eef68cdcd5c89a14d65dbe7124f
.
.
One table next to it is called ''. The people sitting there do not look like animals, but like strange aliens. Some small and green beings, others big and gray, some with fur, some with scales, some humanoid. They were mostly talking about the past, exchanging some old memories. Among them is a chicken, who wears an alien costume.
.
As one of the Grey beings stands up to go to the toilet, the chicken whispers to the others:
“Psst guys, I think Fred may not be an actual Starseed.”
https://preview.redd.it/plzy2mdidt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=23a73f0d3635320c724975ff37a2dd717b219902
The other beings around the table start mumbling.
https://preview.redd.it/h74bdlxjdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31c40fdefcabe13b0196d4be804aa33f2d75403f
.
.
There is one more table called ''. The Stranger walks towards their table.
“Jo, wazzup Shawty,” greets the Stranger an old friend at the psychonaut-table, with a fist bump. “Long time no see.”
.
“Whoa, it's YOU,” responds the Tiger at the table, with red eyes, smoking his bong. “Last time I've seen you, I was like in DMT realm.”
.
“Is Burt anywhere around?” asks the Stranger.
.
.
“He is sitting there in the corner,” responds Shawty. The tiger points at a traumatized racoon sitting in the dark corner.
“I have seen too much,” mumbles the Burt the Racoon with eyes wide open, like a scratched record.
“I have traveled too far... I have seen, what lies within the emptiness. Never again... I will never do shrooms again...”
.
.
Suddenly the waiter taps the racoons shoulder, ripping him out of his thought loop.
“Sir... Do you wanna order anything?”
.
“Do you have McKennaii?”
“Yes,” responds the waiter.
“Then I'll have 7 grams,” orders the racoon.
https://preview.redd.it/7kb6gugmdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3133e498511f679e6c66914a1e53c925fdd2b8e4
.
.
The Seeker has a sudden thought and looks at the Stranger.
“What does the ' slash' on the tables, stand for?”
.
“I don't know...,” shrugs the Stranger. “ It's probably to reserve the table at this inn.”
.
.
.
The Stranger looks at all the tables, they are all talking and talking. Some are playing poker, others are playing dart, some drunks fight each other. Others talk about their identity or their favorite dogma. Some are showing off, how enlightened they are.
As they stand at the crossroads, they can either go Westwards, Eastwards and Northwards. Many have taken the western route, many have went eastwards, but they always ended back at the 'Red Ditch Inn' again.
The newbies, were unsure, whether to go west or east. The experienced ones, knew it doesn't make a difference, they would end up at the bar again anyway. Some were stuck in the bar since many decades, they had given up hope to ever find a way out. But few of them ever dared to walk northwards.
https://preview.redd.it/yci1amwndt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3fefe9cb65d9069f01463512c3bc70d42fd4ff66
The Stranger sighs, as he looks around. His eyes flame up, he inhales deeply and climbs on a chair. With a raised voice he speaks:
.
.
.
.
“When did we lose our heart?
We lost our heart collectively.
Did we lose it, when we were still cavemen? When we had to survive the cold winters of the ice age? When we hunted down the last Homo Neanderthalensis? Or later on, when the first tribes waged war against each other? Did we lose our heart, when we enslaved each other? Did we lose our hearts, when we dropped atom bombs, or when we caused our first mass extinctions...The crimes, that Humans do in wars... All of us carry the sins of our forefathers on our shoulders.
.
.
We lost our hearts individually.
For the person it starts pretty early in their childhood. We lose our trust, when we are lied to. Almost everyone tastes the pain of Betrayal at least once in life. We are deeply wounded from childhood on. We learn early on, that humans hurt us and thus we become suspicious of humans. We learn not to trust each other. Because we are afraid of being hurt again. And so we close off our heart to protect it.
.
.
What is the heart?
I am not talking about the physical organ. I talk about this part in your 'soul', if I may call it that. It's like the core of our 'soul', of our 'astral body'. The centre of our 'energy' or chakras. We are afraid to open it, because it's very vulnerable. That's why we protect it. We are afraid to open it, because we don't trust each other.
But unless your heart is open, you can never experience unconditional love. Its flame must be activated.
The heart is your connection to everything. The heart is what connects you to 'source', if that's the word, you'd like to use. The heart is from where our love flows.
We have cut off the connection and became separated from the ALL. We made love conditional. We split hating from loving, dislike from like and created duality. We became attached. We let ourselves be corrupted by the Ego.
Now that we have closed the heart, what have we done to the world?
.
.
We turned the world into a place, that almost no one likes. We created a society, that keeps us in narrow boxes. We made the world a lonely place, for everyone to be in. Even in groups, we often feel lonely. We allowed money to rule over us. We allowed ideologies to split us and dogmas to control us.
We have so many different issues, that we just can't seem to overcome. Climate change. Wars. Corrupt politicians. Poverty. Starvation. Meaninglessness. Nihilism.
Where should we start with all that mess?
.
.
With ourselves. That is the place, where the transformation needs to start. We need to evolve. One person at a time. Only then, can the collective transform as well.
We need to open the mind and the heart. To see and to feel. To be aware and to love. We need to find harmony within ourselves. End the inner conflict and find peace within.
Find your own truest path.
Let go of any limiting beliefs. Let go of any attachments. Forgive whoever needs forgiveness and apologize to clear your regrets. Find Love.
Find your light within. See your light in all people. Love your enemies.
Recognize the Ego, be aware of what makes it grow. Become aware of any negative thought patterns. Be disciplined.
Clear your own shadows. Face your Trauma. Heal your inner child.
Get free from all bodily addictions. Be free of fear. Be free of suffering.
See the beauty of all things. Find joy in every moment.
Surrender yourself. Follow the heart. Be proud and courageous. Accept your life and your story. Embrace your story, without being attached to it.
Find your purpose. End the Seeking.
Be your authentic Self. Express Love through your character.
Become Love.
.
.
.
This is a possible path. And I just gave you the map. It can be walked. It was walked before. But it is a path into unknown territory. Only the bravest of you can walk this path. It's not for the faintest of heart.
You see, you all either follow the path of the left and go westwards or you follow the path on the right and go eastwards... But no matter how far you go, you'll always end up at the crossroads again. You never make any real progress.
What if there is another path? What if there's another way? What if I say, 'let us go north?!'”
.
.
.
Some of the crowd are in shock. Some are laughing. Others are mumbling.
“You can't walk north,” says a crow from the projectors. “It's impossible.”
“Everyone knows, that the northern road is a dead-end,” says an awakened Caterpillar. “It's a waste of time going up there. You can't go further, than the volcano.”
https://preview.redd.it/qxebl22qdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af079c143695042c772c4b0e11f8b191a921805d
A psychonaut horse laughs. “That will be fun. Can't wait to see their disappointed faces, when they walk all the way back down.”
.
.
.
.
.
The Stranger continues undeterred:
.
“Why are you walking the spiritual path?
You felt called to do it, didn't you? You felt something within you. Something made click. You understood, that there is a deeper truth, that you must find. There was this deep longing within you. So you started walking.
What were the first things, that you were seeking?
You were seeking answers.
What were your first questions? You were asking, 'What is my purpose?' You were asking 'Why am I here'?
And you have searched in so many places. But no matter which answer you got, you were never fully satisfied. Because it wasn't your answer. Because it was someone else's answer.
So you stopped seeking. Either you were content with some unfulfilling answers or you just simply gave up. When did you stop finding your own answers?
Dogma or tradition give us easy answers. When we are attached to them, when we build an identity around them, we become unable to find our own answers. But you can't end Seeking with someone elses answers. Only when you have claimed the answer for yourself, can the Seeker transform into something different. Into something new.
Just ending the Seeker, like cutting off a limb, won't do it. The Seeker needs to find their answer to the question 'What is my purpose?' Not one, they read from textbooks. Not an answer, that someone else can give them. When ONE has found their own unique purpose in life, then instead of 'seeking', there is only 'expressing'.”
.
.
.
“I see that you are advanced,” speaks an enlightened owl. “However you are blinded by idealism. When you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you.”
https://preview.redd.it/6p2spbhrdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7eb32e311ddb89ca6cdf07c1b2dd9f0bc30a466
“My friend,” says the Stranger. “I have not only stared into the abyss, I went to hell and back again to find my answer.”
.
.
.
Everyone falls silent, the Stranger continues:
“It was always here on earth. Heaven. It was always within us. Take a look around you. There is beauty in all things. If you search for it, you can find joy in every moment. Look for love in the world and you shall find love everywhere. Meet Life with gratitude and wonder. Face your experience, like an adventurer faces his challenge. Express unconditional love through your very being. Because this is how we heal Humanities greatest wound: The scar of nihilism.
It has all become so meaningless to us, hasn't it?
Memorizing knowledge at school or college, that you'll never need in real life. This feeling of being stuck in life. Day to day, going to a dead-end job for minimum wage. Living an unfulfilled life. The shattering of broken dreams. The tears of our suffering.
You know, why everything has become so meaningless?
We let our hearts get cold. After falling, we stopped getting back up again. We stopped facing our challenges.
You see, after every defeat, Humanity always got back up again. No matter how tough the challenge may seemed, Humanity never gave up.
We have forgotten, who we are.
All of us are Humanity. You, Me, everyone. We are all humanity. You, the individual human are HUMANITY. You are the Rest of mankind. Because we are all the same in our essence. When you open your heart, then this is your name: 'HUMANITY'
Because you see yourself in every other human. This is the name of the divine spark that sits within all of us. It is the fire, that burns in our eyes. This is Humanity: An archetype of victory and an idea of unity.
Let me ask you a very direct question. If we all came together to do our part, do you think that we could actually clean up the mess we have created? Do you think we have a chance of not only to survive but even to evolve as a species? And perhaps write even greater stories, than ever before?”
.
.
.
.
.
The entire crowd is silent. Most of them avoid eye contact. People start mumbling.
Then the crowd slowly gets louder again and the conversations on each table, continue as if nothing ever happened.
As the Stranger steps down from the chair, a monkey gets up from one of the tables, points his finger and screams:
“Look guys, this dude has ketchup on his outfit.”
.
.
While the crowd laughs at him, the Stranger goes to the bar and orders two beer. While he waits, he rubs off the ketchup stain from his clothes with his fingernails.
People are looking at him and the Seeker. The Seeker can't bear standing next to the Stranger and leaves the tavern. The Stranger pays for two beers. 140 Pesos. He then follows the Seeker outside.
https://preview.redd.it/dnbnlkbtdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7fec72a92d808274036204143603af3c8ade16eb
“Wanna go already?” asks the Stranger while sipping from his beer.
“Those guys hate you now,” sighs the Seeker.
“Who cares?” shrugs the Stranger, while gulping down the beer in a single go.
.
.
.
A couple of animals exit the bar. All the animals, that had no place to fit in. All the animals that didn't belong. A rabbit, a cat, a goldfish, a squirrel, a bear, a fox, a goat, a pigeon, an eagle, a chicken in an alien costume and a dog.
.
“I will also follow my destiny,” speaks the eagle with determination. His heart is also activated.
.
https://preview.redd.it/nd50axqudt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da24a566897e8e118e53ee4609db53cc3efa5cdb
.
“Alright,” says a bear with burning eyes. “Let's try going north... Perhaps this is how we'll finally get to Axis Mundi.”
.
“Going north... that sounds fun,” says the smiling fox. “Let's see how far, we'll come.”
https://preview.redd.it/le9j6pbwdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=068cf7b88e3dd326f4225dfa75436adb6d904d01
.
“We are all gonna die anyway,” sighs the pessimistic goat.
.
“I never tried going north before,” contemplates the curious pigeon.
.
“10 bucks, that I am first at the top of the volcano,” bets the black cat, while looking at her claws.
.
“Deal,” agrees the dog, while hunting his own tail.
.
The rabbit thinks about the taste of carrots. She is hungry.
.
The squirrel is simply happy and excited for the new adventure. She can't stop dancing.
.
The goldfish has no idea, what he's actually doing. He just rolls around in a plastic bag.
https://preview.redd.it/kfe69coxdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=21ad2e953dac510efa9a38e287616b6c4ee4bb57
“I... I will also walk my path,” speaks up the brave chicken in an alien costume. For the first time, the chickens eyes start burning.
.
.
.
Together, the new group of friends are traveling the northern road. Towards the volcano. As the sunset illuminates their backs, the animals start singing a new song. A song of excitement, of wonder and of bravery. A song, that goes something like: “We have found a way.”
https://preview.redd.it/htgexyhzdt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6f8e7e4b2b91d523553ec1c57390fd935710e5ff
.
.
.
TO BE CONTINUED
.
.
.
^{for more content visit:} We_Are_Humanity
^{Find previous part Here}
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cg7yqg/what_it_means_to_walk_togethe
^{Find next part Here:}
.
.
START JOURNEY HERE: https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/17zwf78/the_seeker_and_the_mysterious_stranger_part_1_of_7/
.
Checkpoint 4
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cbhoml/turning_shit_into_gold/
.
Special Bonus Chapters:
THE ONE TRUE SEEKER AND THE QUESTION OF FREE WILL
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cnaanw/special_bonus_chapter_the_one_true_seeker_and_the/

For some background, this was an ex that I was in a relationship with for 1.5 years as a college student and who I broke up with amidst massive struggles in our relationship, a mutual deteriorating of mental health, troubles with our friends, etc. In the time between then and now, I had been in an abusive relationship for about 3 years, starting 9 months or so after and ending a few months prior to now. I’ve wanted to apologize to her for years since the break up, but being in a new relationship and under the advice of a friend that breaking no contact with my ex would just fuck with her healing and be unfair of me, so I never did.
I’ve done a lot of growing, maturing, and coming to understand how people ought to be treated properly in relationships, and I’ve come to realize that I was the problem in our relationship. I was a stupid, immature, selfish, shallow, and subpar partner, and it was my first serious relationship. She is not fully exempt of blame for ways that she treated me poorly, but I do realize that much of the problems we faced would never have happened if I was the person I am now during the relationship. I do regret ending it, and I was misguided by friends who did not have my best interests in mind, but I needed to grow to realize what I had done wrong and to be a better person for myself and for others around me.
I carry a massive amount of guilt from what I did and how I carried myself as a person in that time, and I carry a massive amount of guilt for how it all ended. I became very distant and disconnected from the relationship towards the end and I reacted to her justifiable anger post-breakup unfairly - our last conversation haunts me, with the idea of the last time we ever spoke being so angry and hurtful on both sides never sitting right with me. So to say that this isn’t partially driven by my own guilt would be a lie, but I’m not looking for absolution or forgiveness, I’m looking to make things right by her and to maybe give her some closure or peace that she never got.
I don’t know where her head is at towards us and that’s what scares me. For all I know she may hate me until the day she dies and reaching out to apologize may just reopen old wounds and make things worse for her, which is the last thing I want. Maybe she’ll laugh at me and think I’m pathetic for apologizing this far out and not even respond. Maybe she’d be grateful to hear it. I don’t care. I’m not going to say that guilt isn’t a motivating factor, but I mainly just want to try and leave things a little more right between us. My biggest fear is just that an apology would actually help her, and she would never get it because of my own anxiety or fear over not knowing what the best course is here.
Am I doing this to get back with her? No. She moved to Chicago for grad school and I live in Detroit, and though it isn’t like I’m not frequently in Chicago seeing family anyways there’s a good chance that I’ll be leaving the country end of this year for work. But I do think that part of me continued to love her after our time together had ended, even until now. If reconnecting in some way, any way shape or form, were in the cards, I would welcome it happily. But I doubt it, and that is not why I’m seeking to apologize.
I just need to know if apologizing would
1) make a bigger ass of myself than is worth the anguish of trying it and 2) hurt her more than it may help her.
What would you do? Would you accept an apology from an ex from that long ago if the relationship happened and ended so poorly?

I'm so tired of being me.... I'm tired of the intrusive and self depreciating thoughts. I'm tired of the fear of abandonment, but pushing people away only to cry for them to please not go... I thought I was doing better. After 4.5 years in therapy and taking 2.5 years after my last relationship ended, I thought I was ready to try again. But I ended up falling for another emotionally abusive narcissist... and while I was able to break out of the cycle... it set me back on the next man I dated... he was kind and funny and make me feel comfortable... but I couldn't silence the Chatter in my own mind. "He doesn't want you"... "you're ugly".... "he's only using you the way they did"... so I pushed him away... and I pushed and I pushed until he gave up on me. And now I can't get over this empty feeling I have. I've tried to speak to him. I've tried to apologize and explain... but he blocked me. Which I can understand... but it still makes me feel shitty. I thought I worked my way through this self sabotaging behavior, but here we are. I can't stop crying... the depression is settling in again... I'm starting to fear that I'm never going to be able to break this cycle. That I'm never going to be better and find happiness in this life. I dont want to be alone. But I'm starting to think that the only way I can not hurt anyone or to keep myself from hurting is to stay alone and accept that that's my fate... I hate being me... I just don't want to be me anymore.