Lately bug-at kaayo akong pamati kay gabuwag mis akong uyab. Kanang buwag nga di unta ko ganahan pero kinahanglan para sa akong wellbeing. He really wasn’t treating me right. Kinahanglan na gyud tu iend. Wala kibaw akong friends sa mga gibuhat sa akong ex kay honestly, mauwaw ko sa fact nga I let someone treat me so badly. So wala jud koy naka sturya about everything jud.
A few days ago nagkita mi sa akong guy classmate to make a report. Di kaayo mi close pero naa siyay vibe nga kana bitawng guy friend nga masaligan. Bug-at na gyud kaayu tu kay nakabantay siya nga lawm na gyud akong mga sighs. So naka pahungaw ko gamay, naka chika2. Taas2 man pud among report. Hapon mi ga sugod until naabtan ug gabii until naabtan ug kadlawn. Nalingaw pud mi sige ug tabi jud.
Wa ko kibaw if sort of confession tu iyaha or just to make me feel better. Hayag2 na tu gamay pag take nako ug break sa pag himo sa report para mag charge sa laptop and ga duwa ug ML sa akong phone. While ga duwa ko ug ML, ni ingon siya nga naa daw time before nga crush ko niya. Dili ra pa gyud because of physical attributes. Naa daw koy substance, etc. Wala kaayo ko ka remember sa iya exact words. Murag ning katawa ra pud ko ato. Mas nag focus nalang ko sa ML. Kinsa man pud maka react ug tarong ana uy kung naay mu confess nimo while ga duwa kag ML? Pildihunon pa jud hahahaha. And again, ambot lang if he meant it kay wala gud mi tulog and kadlawn na tu. Okay ra pud kaayo nako if he didn’t mean it hahaha.
Na buntagan jud mi ug himo sa report. And ana ko niya nga ayaw lang sah ug uli kay mo drive pa siya nya walay tulog. Makuyawan pud ta simbako ug basin ma unsa. So ni offer ko niya nga mu nap sah sa ako unit. And so he did. I slept on the bed and he slept on the floor. After naka nap siya ni uli ra pud siya sa ila.
Ever since ato, wala na koy na feel nga bug-at nga pamati.
With my ex, I was always seeking for his validation and approval. He was the first person to make me feel insecure and ugly. Pero having my classmate listen to everything I’ve been through and tell me nga I deserve way better than that really made me feel better. With my ex I tried so hard to be enough for him. Pero sa uban taw nga wala ra ko ga effort to be something more than myself, more than enough na diay ko.
My classmate really made me realize nga I myself am enough. Kana nga butang kay usual ra kaayu nato madungog ug mabasa - nga we are enough. Pero lisod gyud diay iapply sa imong self if for so long kay you were stuck in a toxic relationship. Sometimes kinahanglan gyud diay ug help from someone else to tell you that you are enough. Hinuon, wala man pud koy share2 sa akong friends kay ma uwaw lagi ko. But for sure, mao pud ilaha iingon nako. Naka share ra gyud ko sa ako classmate ato nga time kay kahilakon na kos ka bug-at.
Na bilib pud ko niya kay wala gyud siya ning try to do anything with me. Natulog ra gyud siya sa floor. Naka mata pa gani kos iyang hagok. Kung akong ex pa to, for sure he would have tried to do something even if it’s with someone nga di niya uyab. I would know.
Anyway, di man nako siya type. Wala pud ko plano mu enter into any relationship or char2 kay unfair sa tanan involved. I believe nga before entering into another relationship, iheal sah gyud nimo imohang self first. Otherwise, ang unresolved pain ma dala ra nimo sa next relationship. No one deserves to be a rebound pud. I made that clear to him pud. Nag take siya ug pic namo to document it, ana siya di lang niya ipost para walay sungog2 from others. So IF (i dont want to assume) he was trying to make a move, I’m sure that it was clear to him that it’s a no from me.
Deep inside, I know i still love my ex. Despite everything he did, love gihapon nako siya. Pero di na ko makig balik kay bugo na jud kaayu ko kung balikan pa nako. Although still, unloving someone is not an easy task. One step at a time lang gyud sa pag heal. I know that I will fully heal eventually.
Na touch lang gyud ko sa kindness sa akong classmate. Dako kaayog tabang sa pag balik sa akong self confidence and sa akong healing in general ang kato nga time. I don’t want to tell him this pud kay mag assume unya siya nga ganahan ko niya. Medyo feelingon baya tu. Di pud ko ganahan mu share sa ako friends kay ma abot unya niya kay gamay ra baya among circle. So ipahungaw nalang diri.
Salamat, again! (Ug kung maabot man gani ni nimo, ayaw nalang pud ug talk nako about ani pls hahaha)

Pertama-tama, i wanna say that i am grateful that i have a loving parents. Ya, orang tua gua gak sempurna sama seperti manusia pada umumnya, banyak kok salahnya, tapi gw termasuk orang yg mikir klo orang tua udah melakukan yg terbaik yg mereka bisa, anggap produk terbaik bagi generasi mereka. Gua bisa liat dari cerita² mereka dan sepengamatan gua sendiri sih dibanding adek kakaknya dan generasi sebelumnya/orang tua mereka, merekalah yg gw liat paling baik atau at least termasuk yg paling baik. Tahun ini mereka 50 tahun. Banyak mungkin yg nganggep 50 tahun ga begitu tua, dan iya sih dulu pun pas gw masuk kelas 1 SMP bahkan ada yg orang tuanya udh 50an. Tapi ngeliat fisik mereka, it hurts. Mereka juga kayak ga seriang dan energik kayak let's say 7 tahun lalu. Gua ngeliat foto-foto nyokap gua di FB dari 7-10+ tahun lalu kayak damn, keliatan banget banyak perubahan fisiknya khususnya di muka, dan banyak juga foto² mereka keliatan genuinely happy (well, same as me, i was much happier back then too).
Idk gua tau manusia itu makhluk fana yg ga akan selamanya ada di dunia ini, tapi inget tahun 2020-2021an pada saat kakek dan uwa (abangnya ayah) meninggal dan anaknya ini seumuran sama gua, gw sekarang jadi semakin inget bahwa orang tua kita bisa meninggal kapan aja, kita gak tau. It doesn't help that tahun 2022-2023 ada berita di grup kelas kayak 3-4 anak, orang tuanya meninggal, it hits me more.
2 tahun terakhir hingga sekarang, bokap gw udah ada masalah di prostatnya, rabu kemaren klo ga salah beliau berobat ke rumah sakit saat gw baru berangkat ke kos yg udah di provinsi lain. I know my father, he's a crazy hardworking man, sama kayak nyokap gua juga, keduanya gua perhatiin suka kurang tidur karena kerjaan mereka. Belum lagi dua sisi keluarga punya riwayat penyakit jantung. I just can't imagine living without them in this world.

Halo komodos, gw dari dulu pernah kepikiran kek buat cerita dikit gt disini, gw 20 (M), tapi takut kalo cerita gada hasil apa apa. Gw sangat memandang diri gw rendah dibanding semua org bahkan adek sendiri. Gw ada masalah personal dengan diri gw dan gw ngerasa gw hipokrit karena gw bisa treat others fine or even better but not myself. I see myself as a tool, just give me a bit of maintenance (a bit of attention or being included), and i'll do everything to you.
A little background, gw dibesarin dengan didik kasar sama bokap and it works, tapi entah kenapa belakangan ini gw merasa kalau yg diucapkan oleh ortu gw itu kadang ada yg personal ada yg emotional dump, dan kadang gw merasa sakit hati kalo di ucapin yang memang tidak seharusnya diucapin gt. Bokap gw sih yang biasanya gitu, cuma gw gapapa lah ga mempermasalahkannya, mungkin beliau lagi capek or somewhat lagi ada masalah. Gw ama bokap ga terlalu deket as a result (gw takut sampe skrg ama beliau, tapi masih bisa kalo sekedar komunikasi but not heart to heart, just man to man). Gw dipaksa terus buat ngomong ama bokap kek ngomong apa aja, yang dimana gw gabisa karena gw emg ada luka batin dari kecil buat selalu nerima rant nya dia unconditionally or even get a bit of physical abuse, which im fine cause what could i do. Selalu aja bokap itu ngomongin tentang hubungan emosional but at the same time beliau ngomong kalo anak itu yang ngerti orang tua, bukan sebaliknya. Bokap gw emang egonya besar kalo udah ranah personal, jadi anggep aja ngerawat gw itu out of responsibility, but there is almost no love carried, which is different compared to my sister. Gw gapernah dengki sama siapa siapa di rumah walau udah di perlakukan se kocak itu, soalnya gw emang dikasi tau sama nyokap kandung gw sebelum meninggal buat tetep jadi orang baik, jangan besar egonya, sama tetep inget sama semua kebaikan orang. Gw sendiri emg tipikalnya yang pasrah dan ngalah terus karena yaaa dari kecil emg disuruh ngalah terus mau aku bener ato salah wkwkw. Itulah kenapa gw merasa kalo gw ini gada valuenya samsek, dipandang rendah, dan gapernah dianggap "ingin jadi dewasa", karena bokap gw selalu ngomongin itu ke gw apalagi kalo beliau ada rasa jengkel gatau kenapa tb tb gw targetnya, ya intinya gw jadi target kalo mau di kasarin apa aja bentuknya, dan ntar abis biasa lagi gada maafan gt kek yodah langsung aja ngomong ke gw kek gada perasaan bersalah wkwkw.
Jadi, ceritanya adalah dari akhir januari (2 hari terakhir januari) rumah tangga bokap gw mulai kacau, bener bener yg pertama kali bikin gw ketakutan buat kerumah, singkat cerita nyokap tiri mulai kek orang kesetanan, dan gw yang jadi target marahannya selain ke bokap gw, entah deh gw ada salah apa sama beliau tapi gw gapernah yang namanya ngerugiin orang dari segi apapun, yah mungkin nyokap tiri lagi cape ato gimana tapi ini berlangsuung sampe skrg boi wkwkw, gw disini juga posisi sahabat gw keknya nge cut off gw gatau kenapa (dari 20 jan), dan gw bener bener merasa messed up yang baru yang sama sekali belom pernah gw rasain, kek beneran jatuh yang sukar banget bangkitnya, dan gw sempet ngerasa kalo ini bom waktu sampe gw kelar kuliah terus dpet kerjaan baru di kick gw dari rumah wkwk. Inti dari permasalahan di keluarga gw itu sebenernya gw gatau karena nyokap tiri gw emang gajelas marah" nya, tapi dari apa yg gw dapat karena itu semua rant isinya repetitif semua, itu karena adanya ketidakadilan dalam keluarga gw.... which is actually nonexistent because my father did alot for our family??? Nah terus ini ada yg lucu lagi, kan nyokap tiri gw marah marah lagi gatau lah kenapa, tiba tiba nyuruh bokap gw (bokap gw 20 taun lebih tua btw, so age gap nya gede wkwk) buat kumpulin sekeluarga di meja makan, gw lgsg telp adek kandung gw yg lagi nugas di luar kali ini darurat besar, nah akhirnya sampe rumah, taunya pas sampe rumah dikasi tau kalo gw ama adek gw tuh anak adopsi, tapi pas ngucapinnya ke gw, gw itu anak pungut diambil dari jembatan, terus ngaata ngatain lah nyokap asli gw mandul ato gmn, dan gw kaget lah kek kok bisa ngomong kek gt wkwk, ya gw sih emang dari 6 taun pernah mikir gw ini anak pungut ato bukan ya soalnya gw kek di treat beda sama adek gw cuma yodahlah bomat (iya gw belajar buat bomat dari kecil krn gapernah dibanggakan samsek wkwkw). Nah disitu gw kabur dari rumah sehari aja ketemuan ama temen gw yg kebetulan emang lucu keluarganya, ya saran yg gw dapet abis 4 jam curhat nonstop cuma suruh bodoamat, itu dosa mereka bukan dosa gw, gw gatau ya ges soalnya gw emang baru baru ini kembali beribadah, ya alasan awalnya karena permasalahan di keluarga + di cut off ama sahabat gw. Intinya atmosfir di rumah suram, gw di kos temen gw yg ala kadarnya bisa tidur pulas dibanding di rumah bokap yang beda jauh kondisinya sama kos kos an, yaa di rumah gw bisa tidur tp ga istirahat gt deh wkwkw.
Kalau tentang sahabat gw (21 F), gw udah sahabatan ama dia selama 5 tahun lamanya dari sma, yah baru tahun kemarin si kami jadi deket lagi karena gw curhat tentang kuliah gw yg kacau balau nilainya krn keberatan kuliah waktu itu, dan sempet suicidal, tapi abis semua percakapan panjang itu dia setuju untuk bantu gw dan yap nilai gw selama kuliah bener bener melejit, gw bener bener bisa ber ekspresi se bebas itu, bener bener ga takut sama yang namanya orang asing, dan yaaaa bisa jadi makhluk sosial yg fungsional wkwk. Kita deket, gw confess ke dia, tapi gw ga nembak dia, karena gw dari awal gada intensi buat dapetin dia, ya confess kan ga selalu tentang suka ato cinta gt kan ya wkwk, gw confess aja ke dia sebetapa nyaman dan bahagianya gw berada disampingnya etc., yang dimana awalnya dia yg confess kalo dia menggantungkan kebahagian dia di gw, and the story goes on untill december last year dimana dia mulai capek ama kerjaan dia di organisasi and yeah she decided to be bitter towards everyone, dan dia ilfeel sama gw as a result, tapi gw ga masalahin sih, pas ketemu dia abis event apa gt, gw tanyain kenapa, ada apa, dll in simple terms, dia takut ama gw, tapi gtw kenapa, tepat di ujuung desember dia cerita kalo dia bersalah banyak ama gw karena ya katanya gw menganggap ini kek hal yang wajar, memberi dia waktu dan ruang yang cukup besar menurut dia, dan rela jadi punching bag dia dengan cara di diemin selama hampir 2 bulan wkwkw. Gw ga ngerasa kek itu beban sih awalnya, soalnya ya bro kita udah besar santai aja kali. Memasuki januari kita nongki kan, disitu gw nangis di dia karena gw capek ama kondisi rumah gw waktu itu. Yah diperjalanan pulang dia ngomong kalo gw orangnya tulus, gw yang gapernah nganggep gw sendiri orang baik, tulus, ato apalah itu, kaget lah, intinya ya gw makasih banyak sama sahabat gw satu ini karena bener bener bisa bantu gw nge revive diri gw yang sengaja gw tinggal. Namun semenjak dirinya magang, di minggu terakhir dia magang gw curhat lah ke doi soal masalah dirumah, ga semuanya sih tapi intinya gt, dan dia minta maaf karena gada buat gw kan, gw gapapa karena emang fokusin magang aja biar hasilnya bagus, dan beberapa hari setelahnya gw curhat lagi, but idk i think this time she's mad or something like that to me, she never replied to my text ever from last month. And no, i dont bother her like in the way i need her to help me, i just told her that my day went this and that and yeah, something you could either reply or not and no effect would grow on it. Gw merasa kek gw salah apa yak yang bikin dia pengen cut off gw, soalnya terkahir kali dia silent treatment ke gw, gw merasa salah, taunya dia yg maaf karena bukan gw yg salah gt, yah you guys got the glimpse lah. Gw merasa kek ini downfall of our friendship, and i feel like i ruined everything again for the idk howmany times. To be honest gw ngerasa kalo gw tersakiti sama ekspektasi gw, bukan karena dianya. Yaaa sejak kemaren februari pertengahan dia gapernah ngabarin, sok cerita, ato apalah, well idk if it's because of me or something, but i do hope that she would return one day, with a whole new story.
Nah, gw sekarang itu merasa capek ama semua, pengen curhat dan didengerin, yang dimana biasanya sahabat gw ada buat gw curhat dan sebaliknya. Gw bener bener ngerasa sendiri, walau gw udah doa tiap abis sholat, well intinya gw kesepian dan gw rasanya itu pengeeen banget cerita dan disambung dengan ceritanya lawan bicara, yaa saling cerewet dengan interest masing masing gt lah like how i used to do with my buddy, but now am all alone like idk man, it just feels alone.
Gw gapernah punya kesempatan untuk ngeluh sebesarnya dan diterima, marah sebesarnya dan diterima, serta berbeda pendapat dan diterima. Gw selama idup selalu dibebani sama perasaan bersalah, kurang dan tidak pede, cuma pas gw bersama sahabat gw dimanapun, gw ngerasa gw bisa jadi diri gw sepenuh potensial gw (contoh kecil nilai 2 semester kemarin meningkat pesat sampe gw heran). Gapernah gw mandang gw itu apalah walau beberapa temen gw muji gw karena hard skill ama soft skill gw, yang dimana gw gapernah mandang itu kek sesuatu yang pantas untuk di puji wkwk.
Gitu doang sih ges a little rant of me and my life, if you guys have any suggestion for me or any advice, im all ears. Maaf ya kalo cerita gw ga jelas ato gimana, you could ask for details :D

While I was gone, they set the world on fire. It wasn't war anymore; it was a remaking. Some losses are inevitable. Some...unthinkable. Now they've built a new world. Armies of steel and thunder. They're rewriting history.
But they forgot about me.

Born in the summer of 1911 in Mesquite, Texas, William J. Blazkowicz was raised by a racist father and a Polish, Jewish mother. From both of his parents, BJ learned to despise intolerance in all of its forms and immediately joined the US military to fight the Nazis when he came of age. Braving the horrors of the Nazi X-Labs and a siege on Castle Wolfenstein itself, he'd climb to the rank of Captain by 1946. During a last-ditch siege on the German nerve center, the Deathshead compound, BJ takes a piece of shrapnel to the head, barely surviving and falling into a coma. The Second World War ends. The Nazis establish their rule across the globe.
Fourteen years later, BJ wakes up in a new world led by the fascists, where everything he's bled for has been for nothing. Not content to live in this world, he takes up arms against the Nazis once more, starting with the sadistic general who killed his platoon, Wilhelm Strasse. Following his second siege of the Deathshead compound, BJ leads the offensive front of the American revolution, becoming a hero to the free people of the world and a feared terrorist to the Fourth Reich. Nothing seems to stop BJ's crusade of liberation, not the undead or mechanical abominations. Not even evisceration or decapitation can keep the freedom fighter down for long.
Blazko isn't exactly what you'd call a planner. He leaves things like strategy, reconnaissance and intelligence gathering to his antifascist allies in the Kreisau Circle. BJ sticks to what he's good at; violently ending Nazi lives in large numbers.
Key
Wolfenstein: The New Order- TNO
Wolfenstein: The Old Blood- TOB
Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus- TNC
Wolfenstein: Youngblood- YB
Wolfenstein: The Deep (Titan Comics)- Titan
Notes
After his execution by decapitation, BJ's severed head was collected by his allies and sustained with oxygen and preserving chemicals. The scientist Set Roth was able to attach BJ's head to a synthetic body, allowing BJ to continue his fight. While the synthetic body has more or less the same shape his natural one, physical feats will be marked with [SB] to separate them from his flesh and blood body.
The events of Wolfenstein: The Deep are from a retelling of a story where the speaker gets some details incorrect. Comic feats should be taken with a grain of salt.

Physicals

Strength
Striking

• Can smash wooden crates with melee weapons
• Can topple weak stone walls with melee weapons
• He can smash undead skulls with a melee weapon
• Breaks a coffee machine with a punch
• Punches a control panel open
• [SB] Smashes crates with a hatchet
• [SB] KOs a man in one blow
• [SB] Kicks a robot off the side of a helicopter
• [SB, Limit] Loses at drunken boxing with Max Hass
• [SB] Can kill Adolf Hitler with one kick to the head

Other

• He breaks metal wrist restraints that were keeping him in a torture chair
• Tears a truck door off
• Drags one ton of plastic explosive on a chain for a hundred miles
• Snaps a mutated Nazi’s neck
• Uses a prybar to move an I-beam
• Holds back a large robot’s arm cannon, pushing it above his head
• He grabs onto a long rope and swings, maintaining his grip on the rope after clipping a concrete wall
• After downing the mech, BJ tears the front of Deathshead’s cockpit off
• [SB] Drags two humanoid robots by the legs

Durability
Blunt Force

• He’s kicked backwards into a hole, falling for several feet before landing on stone
• Takes a fall through a wooden plank bridge and into the water below
• A drone fires a rocket at the tram car BJ’s on, causing him and the car to fall many stories into water. He’s able to swim out of the wreckage unharmed.
• Stays conscious after taking a surprise shovel blow to the back of the head
• A plane crashes into the plane turret that BJ was using, knocking him out of the turret alcove and rendering him unconscious
• A plane crashes into the side of the plane BJ is on, which floors him
• He’s in a plane crash that ejects every passenger into the ocean
• A Panzerhund grabs BJ and throws him some feet onto the ground, then rams him through an airplane window
• BJ takes a fall and a large chunk of concrete lands on his face. He’s knocked out but wakes up minutes later no worse for wear.
• He drives a car up a ramp and through a window, overturning it
• Takes a short fall into a sewer
• Takes a punch from a super soldier and remains conscious
• He’s in a lunar base escape vessel when it falls to Earth from orbit
• He grabs onto a long rope and swings through a window, striking a man into a wall and killing him. BJ, however, is not harmed by the collision.
• BJ’s in the passenger seat when an ally drives off a bridge and falls a story, landing on a Nazi bumper first
• Gets up after being punched by the massive Prototype robot

Piercing

• Gets into a stabbing contest with a Nazi, taking a few stabs before killing the man
• While restrained, he’s stabbed in the thigh with a length of pipe. After breaking his restraints, he pulls the metal out of his leg and uses it on his captor.
• He’s stabbed through the hand, but he’s able to pull out the knife. While he misses his shots immediately after, his shooting is not impacted by the wound for the rest of the game.
• A Panzerhund tackles BJ over and bites his leg briefly
• A Nazi repeatedly stabs BJ in the chest with a screwdriver, but BJ is able to punch out the Nazi before taking any serious damage
• He’s captured and tortured by a Nazi guard, who slashes BJ’s torso before stabbing him and leaving him to burn in an incinerator. BJ wakes up before he’s burned and pulls the knife out to use against the Nazis in the room.

Other

• Rudi interrogates BJ while torturing the American with electrocution. BJ does not break and cracks some jokes while being tortured.
• Castle Wolfenstein is leveled with plastic explosive and is knocked out in the ensuing destruction. He manages to wake up and dig himself from the rubble mostly unharmed.
• A large robot charges electricity in one arm, then punches BJ across a room
• A Nazi injects BJ with a massive dose of synthetic tetanospasmin, a neurotoxin designed to shut down motor functions, enough to “paralyze an elephant”. As the Nazi tortures him with a knife, BJ bites into his neck, stands and executes him with the knife.

Limits

• He gets grabbed and knocked out in one punch by a super soldier
• The roof collapses and a piece of wood falls on BJ, knocking him out
• A rock falls from a cave ceiling and hits his face, knocking him out
• He leaps from a window, but an explosion puts a shard of metal shrapnel into his skull. BJ falls the height into water, but he’s rendered unconscious and he slips into a coma and is submitted to an asylum. The day that the Nazis come to execute the asylum’s residents and owners, BJ wakes up and starts killing Nazis again.
  • The coma lasted for fourteen years
• He’s shocked by a detronic battery, which knocks him out
• Deathshead pulls a suicide play and detonates a grenade in BJ’s face, grievously wounding the American
  • The blast shredded his torso and left him with internal damage. Four months later, BJ is scarred and weak from the injury, requiring a wheelchair to move around.

Agility

• Rudi Jager causes his power armor to self destruct, but BJ is able to run and dive into a basement to escape the explosion
• Runs to a nearby cottage for cover from minigun fire
• Dives away from a grenade belt explosion, escaping the cottage he’s in and only suffering surface damage
• Leaps from his plane to a larger plane’s wing
• Rolls to evade a large robot’s stomp
• [SB] Dives through a set of closing blast doors to escape a nuke’s shockwave

Skills

Combat

• Knife-based takedowns see BJ stab Nazis in the throat, chest or face, or smash the blunt handle into their heads
• Whether it’s in two pieces or connected together as one, longer piece, BJ uses the lead pipe to bludgeon and stab armored Nazis, including the large super soldiers
• Slashes a Nazi’s throat, then knees another in the face, then uses that one as a human shield, then commandeers his shield’s gun to blast four Nazis
• When carrying two knives, BJ is able to carve up Nazi throats and backs, puncture their body armor and parry melee strikes
• He’s pounced on by a genetically-altered Kampfhund, but he manages to stab it to death
• Kills Rudi Jager by stabbing him in the temple, then the top of the skull, with the sharp piece of pipe
• Dispatches a super soldier by jamming a pipe into the mechanics in it’s back
• A Nazi jumps onto the hood of the car BJ’s driving, so BJ grabs the man’s gun, pulls him into the back seat, then jumps back to stab him in the throat
• Disarms a tire iron-wielding Nazi, then punches him out in one blow
• He sneaks up behind a pissing Nazi, give him a swirly in the toilet, then stabs him in the skull
• When carrying multiple knives, BJ can throw one to kill at a distance
• Can throw hatchets to silently kill at a distance
• Kills his father
• Kills General Engel
• With hatchets, BJ has multiple options for takedowns:
  • Drop takedowns
  • Wheelchair takedowns
  • Stealth takedowns
  • Combat takedowns
  • ÜberSoldaten takedowns
  • When sneaking up on larger robots, like the zerstörer, zitadelle or panzerhunds, BJ can cut a fuel line with his hatchet. He can then shoot the leaking fuel to cause the robot to explode.
• [SB, Limit] Disarmed and floored by his two power suit-wearing daughters

Infiltration

• He’s able to bypass Rudi Jager and infiltrate Castle Wolfenstein by appealing to the German sense of humor
• Frau Engel instantly trusts BJ because of his “Aryan features”
• To infiltrate the Nazi base on planet Venus, BJ joins the casting call for a Terror Billy propaganda biopic. He poses as actor Jules Redfield and auditions for the role of himself. Despite his total lack of acting ability, the film’s producer is enamored by BJ’s capacity for violence and casts him as Terror Billy on the spot.

Piloting/Mechanical Operation

• Pilots the bipedal Laderoboter mech
• Uses a plane’s machine gun turret on an Allied plane
• Uses one of the Nazis’ mounted cannons to shoot down a colossal mech
• Pilots a chaingun and rocket launcher-equipped mech, nicknamed Herr Faust
• Pilots a tunnel glider, a miniature submarine for one
• Rides a monowheel-motorcycle
• Rides a rewired Nazi Panzerhund

Hammerspace?

• He puts all of his carried guns into a chest. Keep in mind that BJ went through most of this game with no shirt and just a pair of prison jumpsuit pants.
• The Prototype robot punches BJ, knocking all six weapons out of his inventory

Other

• He zip-lines down a cable and smashes through a window, dispatching a Nazi that he slides into
• Uses a grapnel gun to scale a massive wall
• Speaks rough Polish
• Hotwires a mechanical, wire-based lock
• Can pick manual locks with a set of lockpicks
• While sliding under concrete rubble, BJ pulls a load-bearing chunk of metal, causing the rubble to fall and crush a pursuing Panzerhund.
• His gunplay isn’t too impaired when BJ is confined to a wheelchair after waking from a four-month coma
• Detects a rattlesnake sneaking up on his daughter and catches it by the neck mid-pounce
• Detects a group of Nazis approaching him from further down a cave
• While dual-wielding shotguns, BJ and his daughters decimate a hallway full of Nazis

Weaponry

Lot of things you can do with a hatchet. And a Nazi.

The Old Blood
Firearms

• Handgun 1946 with Suppressor attachment Dual-wielding
• Assault Rifle 1946-T Dual-wielding
• Bombenschuss with Scope attachment
• Schockhammer Dual-wielding
• Sawed-off Shotgun
• Kampfpistole
• MG-46 minigun

Pipe

• Lets him climb craggy stone by repeatedly stabbing the pipes into the walls to use as handholds
• Uses them to stab into a zombie and climb up its back
• Can open certain doors
• Used to reach distant devices
• Used as a means of opening vent covers on the ceiling
• Used as a crowbar
• Used to pry off a super soldier’s bullet-resistant armor
• Breaks a chain restraint around his feet
• Used as a jack to prop open shutter doors

Other

• Knife
• Stiel-Handgranate 46

The New Order
1946

• Knife
• Handgun 1946 Dual-wielding with Silencer attachment
• Submachine gun
• Assault rifle Dual-wielding
• MG-46
• Grenade

1960

• Knife
• Handgun 1960 with Silencer attachment Dual-wielding
• Assault Rifle 1960 Rocket Launcher alt fire Dual-wielding
• AR Marksman Plasma alt fire Dual-wielding Dual-wielding Plasma modes
• Double-Barrelled Shotgun
• Automatic Shotgun with Shrapnel alt fire Dual-wielding
• MG-60
• Tesla Grenades- Used to temporarily disable robots, drones or other mechanical enemies

1960 Laser Weapons

• Laser Cutter Projectile alt fire
  • Used to cut chains
  • It works underwater
• Laserkraftwerk Cutting Tool alt fire Upgrades
  • The cutting tool works underwater
  • It’s modified by Set Roth to electrically interface with ancient Da’at Yichud magnets
  • The Reflect upgrade causes the beams to bounce off of surfaces, although reflected beams do less damage

The New Colossus
Weapons
In The New Colossus, BJ can dual-wield any two firearms aside from the two-handed heavy weapons.

• Handgun 1960 Upgrades
• Maschinenpistole Upgrades
• Sturmgewehr Upgrades
• Schockhammer X Upgrades
• Kampfpistole Upgrades
• Laserkraftwerk Upgrades
  • Can disintegrate human enemies with direct hits
  • Its battery can be used to recharge electric-fueled helicopters
• Dieselkraftwerk Upgrades
• Handgranate Variations

Heavy Weapons
Two-handed big guns that don’t fit in BJ’s inventory. He can use these guns after killing the enemy holding them or finding them in his environment.

• Lasergewehr
• Dieselgewehr
• Hammergewehr
• Ubergewehr

Da'at Yichud Power Armor

An exoskeleton of ancient design with a neural interface that allows for grievously injured or paralyzed people to fight. Caroline Becker used the suit until her death when BJ used it. Despite his torso being ravaged by Deathshead's grenade, the power armor allowed BJ to operate at superhuman capacities.
Physicals

• Caroline leaps and kicks a large robot, then grabs onto and punches another, dispatching them both. She then leaps up into a low-flying helicopter.
• The suit is extremely bulletproof, however, enough blunt force damage can knock out the wearer, like a super soldier swinging a pipe into Caroline’s head
• Can perform a midair stomp move to pound grate doors off
• Takes a tumble down a curved, metal wall
• Gets his leg bit by a sewer gator
• He’s in the front carriage during a subway train crash and gets thrown out the front window
• Grabs a man by the collar and holds him over a ledge, one-armed
• [Limit] A crane lifts BJ’s childhood home into the air. When he destroys the crane hook, the house falls and BJ is knocked out by a falling support beam. A group of Nazis then pry the power armor off of his unconscious body.

Other

• The power armor takes the form of boots. When BJ puts them on, it forms over his body and allows him to walk again, moving his body despite the grievous wounds he sustained at Deathshead's Compound.
• The armor offers complete protection from radiation, allowing BJ to enter New York, which was atom-bombed by the Nazis
• The armor can form a helmet which BJ can turn on consciously, used when he’s held at gunpoint

Synthetic Body Contraptions

Three mechanical enhancements compatible with his synthetic body offer BJ some esoteric abilities.
Constrictor Harness

• Lets BJ compress his torso, allowing him to crawl through narrow spaces or under large objects
• Can climb through drain pipes like a snake
• When still inside narrow spaces, BJ can perform constrictor-harness takedowns
• Constrictor Harness upgrades let BJ move silently, stun enemies that spot him in fear, and stay in narrow spaces for longer periods of time

Ram Shackles

• Lets BJ generate crushing force when sprinting. Used to ram through metal grates or weak concrete walls.
• Can smash metal crates
• Can knock enemies over or destroy their bodies
• Ram Shackle upgrades let BJ stay standing when near explosions or strikes that would normally floor him, throw grenades and hatchets with greater force, and slowly regenerate his armor

Battle Walker

• Stilts connected to BJ’s legs can extend at will, giving him a height advantage
• After gaining height with the stilts, BJ can retract quickly them and drop to the ground with a stomping move
• When standing near a high ledge with the stilts, BJ can perform ledge-based takedowns
• Battle Walker upgrades let BJ slow his perception of time when drawing weapons, heal when killing enemies, and keep his overcharged health until he takes damage

Perks

Gameplay modifiers that alter how effective BJ's weapons or abilities are.

• All perks available in The Old Blood. Standout perks include a quick 180 turn that lets BJ auto-aim at the nearest enemy, reduced damage from melee attacks, and the ability to heal after performing stealth kills.
• The Stealth tree in TNO allows BJ to throw knives, identify Nazi commanders on the map screen, increase damage with silenced weapons, gain health after performing stealth takedowns, and move quietly when sprinting
• The Tactical tree in TNO effects weapon damage and magazine size, the speed at which BJ reloads and draws his weapons, and the rate at which he regenerates health
• The Assault tree in TNO effects ammo carried, ammo looted from bodies, the damage of dual-wielded weapons, the speed at which BJ moves while dual-wielding, and armor bonuses for consecutive kills
• The Demolition tree in TNO effects how many grenades BJ carries, makes grenades explode on contact with enemies, makes them more damaging to enemies and protects BJ from enemy's own grenades
• The Stealth tree in TNC effects BJ’s speed while sneaking, his damage with suppressed weapons, causes enemies to call for backup slower and lets him collect ammo when stealthily destroying robotic enemies
• The Mayhem tree in TNC effects the clip size for heavy weapons, lets him regenerate health quicker, lets him salvage more armor from enemy drops and lets him carry more grenades
• The Tactical tree in TNC reduces damage taken from lasers, explosives or flames, makes enemy grenades take longer to detonate and lets him salvage more ammo from enemy drops

Miscellaneous

• He often wears a headset for communicating with allies via radio
  • The headset communicator works just fine when BJ’s on the moon and his allies are back in Berlin
• Wears a rebreather when on an underwater mission
• When going undercover in Castle Wolfenstein, BJ was so huge that they needed a tailor to make a custom Nazi uniform to fit his body
• When infiltrating a Nazi labor camp, he has an identification number tattooed on his forearm. Later on, he carves the tattoo off his arm with a scalpel.
• BJ has become infamously terrifying to the Nazis. He’s referred to as “Terror Billy” and is believed to have killed thousands of Nazi foot soldiers.

You take freedom away from the American people, you're playing with fire, and I intend to pour some gasoline! People gotta know they don't have to take this shit no more, and if nothing else, that's what I'm gonna do. Before I go.

Great Mazinger and Tetsuya Tsurugi

♫ Ore wa Great Mazinger ♫ ~ ♫ Yuusha wa Mazinger ♫

"I won't die. Until I destroy everyone in the Mycenaean Empire, I will not die"

Kenzo Kabuto is the son of famous scientist Juzo Kabuto. While working on a project harnessing Photon Energy, Kenzo and his wife were caught in a horrible explosion and presumed dead. In reality, Kenzo alone survived, brought back from the brink of death by his father, who turned Kenzo into a cyborg. Kenzo discovered that the project had been sabotaged by the Mycenae Empire, an ancient civilization that once dominated the planet but was forced underground centuries ago. Kenzo, realizing that the world needed defense against the Mycenae's attempt to conquer Earth, retreated into secrecy, allowing the world to believe he too had died in the accident, even his own sons Koji and Shiro.
Enter Tetsuya Tsurugi.
An orphan adopted by Kenzo Kabuto, Tetsuya was trained from a young age to pilot Kenzo's ultimate weapon, the Great Mazinger, a robot based on Juzo Kabuto's Mazinger Z. Tetsuya trained to the peak of human performance, becoming renowned as a combat ace. Stalwart and highly capable, Tstsuya's self-confidence often borders on arrogance. When the Mycenae Empire began their conquest in earnest, Tetsuya and Great Mazinger revealed themselves after Koji Kabuto and Mazinger Z were taken out of commission. With the help of Kenzo, Jun Hono, another orphan pilot trained by Kenzo, Shiro Kabuto, and the staff of the Science Fortress Laboratory, Tetsuya fights back against the Emperor of Darkness and his armies.

Source Key:
Mazinger Z (1972) Episode # = Z#
Great Mazinger (1974) Episode # = G#
Mazinger Z: Infinity (2017) = I
Glossary of characters:
Mechanical Beasts (MB): Giant robots revived and created by Dr. Hell using designs left over from the Mycenae Empire. These robots are made of "Super Steel" and no sell conventional military weaponry, requiring Mazinger Z to defeat them.
Battle Beasts (BB): Giant cyborg weapons of the Mycenae Empire. Being partially organic, Battle Beasts have greater reflexes, adaptability, and intelligence compared to Mechanical Beasts, while their superior machinery grants greater power and durability, enabling them to make short work of Mazinger Z before it was re-outfitted with Super Alloy New Z. Battle Beasts have single names (i.e. Ralgos, Gratonios, Mugalissa, etc.) with some exceptions (Gold Phoenix, General Juliceasar, etc.)

Great Mazinger

General

• Great Mazinger is made of Super Alloy New Z,^Z92 an alloy created from an element discovered by Juzo Kabuto called Japanium. Super Alloy New Z is an improvement on the Super Alloy Z that Mazinger Z was originally constructed with
• Tetsuya can exit through the foot^G36

Weaponry

Scrander

Great Mazinger has a retractable Scrander built into it

• Cuts off Mugalissa's head with a wing^G4
• Slices a giant lizard in half^G15
• Slices through a floor of the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G31
• Activating the Scrander breaks the chains he was wrapped in^G10
• Activates the Scrander to escape the hold of Pharobos^G24
• Flies with Boss Borot hanging onto his feet^G24

Atomic Punch

Great Mazinger can fire his fists as a projectile with the hands spinning to increase the power, then the hands return

• Rocks the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G1
  • Mikelos is much bigger than a cargo ship^G3
• Knocks Gratonios through the air into Pilanias, sending both into a wall hard enough to damage it^Z92
• Punches off Ralgos' head^G5
• Overpowers Bruton's wind to break its fan, which blew back Venus A hard enough to smash buildings^G10
• Knocks back Drimun underwater hard enough to smash a large pipe^G34
• Grabs Marigela's tendril and holds it back^G50

Drill Pressure Punch

An upgraded version of the Atomic Punch, where Great Mazinger's forearms sprout drill-like blades that increase the power and speed of the attack

• The scientist that designed the Drill Pressure Punch says that it is many hundreds of times stronger than Mazinger Z's Iron Cutter^G8
• Punches straight through a hatch that an Atomic Punch bounced off of^G28
• Punches through several Mechanical Beasts, causing them to explode^I
• Destroys Ginrai^G11
• Destroys Dandalus^G22
• Punches through Guillonian and breaks its arm^G13
• Destroys Diacus' arm^G8
• Punches through Hercules^G14
• Destroys Birgel's nose spike and punches through its chest^G23
• Punches through Tarantas^G26
• Punches through Melectes^G41
• Punches through Minister Argos^G54
• Punches through Gold Phoenix's face^G55
• Destroys Glosser's weapon then its arm^G43
• Destroys Gunsar's arms^G49
• Destroys Goldova's blade underwater^G19

Navel Missile

Great Mazinger shoots a missile out of his stomach

• Blows up a cliffside to bury Zugar in rubble^G3
• Destroys Bravius^G17
• Destroys Gracis^G32
• Destroys Mummires^G40
• Destroys long-distance missile launchers^G25
• Shoots right through Eunigaros^G21
• Blows off Dormas' arm^G38
• Destroys Tolcain's shield^G47
• Combined with Mazinger Z's Missile Punch, flips the new fortress Demonica over the side of a cliff^G54

Great Boomerang

Great Mazinger removes the heat sink from his chest and throws it like a boomerang

• Cuts off Great Mazinger's arm after being redirected^G17
• Deflects Garada's blade then slices through several Mechanical Beasts on the return^I
• Cuts all-purpose fortress Mikelos' face^G1
• Slices a Mycenae submarine in half^G14
• Cuts Iscarios in half^G25
• Slices Isachron apart^G29
• Cuts off Gratonios' head^Z92
• Cuts off Goberius' head^G8
• Cuts off Tarantas' head^G26
• Cuts a dragon head off of Psychoveia^G6
• Slices off Kirinia's wings^G17
• Destroys several missiles then cuts off Gilaginga's wing^G29
• Cuts off Melectes' arms^G41
• Cuts off the barrel of Battlers' cannon^G45
• Cuts off Gracis' tail^G32
• Cuts off Grenius' wing^G36
• Cuts off Dormas' arm^G38
• Cuts off Gullasus' leg^G51
• Cuts off Senzan's feet underwater^G5
• Cuts off Girai's horn underwater^G11
• Cuts apart Goldova's tentacles underwater^G19
• Cuts off Banigan's hand^G31
• Cuts off Boss Borot's arm^G45
• Stabs Mummires in the back^G40
• Matches Babull's axe which sliced off Great Mazinger's arm^G42
• Returns to its place on his chest when an enemy throws it at him^G24
• Uses it like a sword to cut apart Pharobos after it had been slightly melted^G24

Great Typhoon

Great Mazinger releases a powerful gust of wind from his mouth

• Destroys dozens of Mechanical Beasts in a single attack^I
• Breaks the windows of the all-purpose fortress Mikelos and causes it to crash^G11
• Lifts Birgel up into the air, where it explodes^G23
• Lifts Glosser into the air then drops it, making it explode^G44
• Slams Battlers to the ground^G45
  • Again with Giram^G53
• Lifts Cleo into the air^G9
• Shatters Alexeus' arm^G27
• Destroys missile launchers^G54
• Pushes back Iguanas' fire breath^G18
• Pushes back Eunigaros' fire breath^G21
• Pushes back Gracis' fire^G32
• Uproots trees^G45
• Blows away Mycenae soldiers^G41

Knee Impulse Kick

Great Mazinger throws his enemy into the air, and as they fall down, brings his knee up and releases a retractable spike to stab them

• Stabs Grenius, making it explode^G36
• Stabs Battlers repeatedly, making it explode^G45
• Destroys a Mechanical Beast^I
• Stabs through Dorados^G39
• Stabs Drimun^G34
• Stabs Helena^G37
• Stabs Lubamba^G43

Backspin Kick

Great Mazinger releases a retractable blade on his leg and slices his opponent with it

• Slices through several Mechanical Beasts^I
• Cuts off Drimun's head^G34
• Cuts off Grenius' leg^G36
• Cuts off Battlers' arm^G45
• Slices Helena, making it explode^G37
• Slices Dorados, making it explode^G39

Mazinger Blade

Great Mazinger stores two blades in his legs that he can release to use

• Cuts off Obelius' wing then stabs Barubari^G1
• Cuts Psychoveia in half^G6
• Slices Gidonius in half^G19
• Bisects Gilaginga^G29
• Cuts Danzania in half^G31
• Slices Goriki in half^G35
• Slices a Mechanical Beast in half^I
• Slices out Grecios' midsection^G7
• Cuts off Iguanas' head^G18
• Slices through Senzan's head^G5
• Cuts off Marvalus' wing^G20
• Cuts off Gilaginga's wing^G29
• Cuts Gabara's head in half^G22
• Cuts off Duran's tail then stabs it in the head^G31
• Slices through Glosser's sword then cuts off its arm^G43
• Throws the blade through Pilanias, making it explode^Z92
• Throws the blade into Zugar's forehead, cutting apart its tongue along the way, causing it to explode^G3
• Throws the blade through Mugalissa's forehead^G4
• Throws the blade through Gracis' head^G32
• Throws the blade through Dagora^G21
• Throws the blade through Banigan^G31
• Throws the blade to cut off Kelvinius' wing^G16
• Throws the blade through a tree^G37
• Locks blades with Garalia who sliced through buildings^G2
• Clashes blades with Dandalus who sliced Boss Borot in half^G22
• Clashes blades with Giram who cut off Venus A's arm^G53
• Cuts Mugalissa's silk strings^G4
• Cuts the chain of Goriki's flail^G35
  • And Dorados' chain^G39
• Chips away the adhesive substance Cleo sprayed him with^G9
• Blocks acid from Mugalissa that melted Boss Borot's legs^G4
• Blocks Kirinia's fire which matched Bravius' stone-busting energy beam^G17
• Shoots out of its sheath hard enough to impale Alexeus^G27

Breast Burn

Great Mazinger releases a blast of intense heat from the heat sink on his chest

• Destroys dozens of Mechanical Beasts in a single attack and leaves a massive wall of fire^I
• Melts Mugalissa's body^G4
• Destros Ralgos^G5
• Destroys Bisonia^G12
• Destroys Guillonian^G13
• Destroys Hercules^G14
• Destroys Kirinia^G17
• Destroys Iguanas^G18
• Destroys Gravalus^G20
• Destroys Eunigaros^G21
• Destroys Tarantas^G26
• Destroys Dormas^G38
• Destroys Melectes^G41
• Destroys Lubamba^G44
• Destroys Dokaider^G53
• Destroys Gold Phoenix^G55
• Destroys half of Dollark^G48
• Melts Kelvinus' shield and trident^G16
• Melts Birgel's wing^G23
• Partially melts Alexeus^G27
• Uses a full-power Breast Burn on Pharos at point blank range to melt it^G24
• Destroys a large rock^G27
• Melts stone^G33
  • Again^G45
• Destroys missile launchers^G44
• After being trapped under a frozen lake by Melectes' ice beam, burns a hole through the ice and then overpowers the beam](https://imgur.com/weHYchF)^G41
• Intercepts a beam from the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G8
• Widens the beam to melt Mikelos' rotors^G4
• Melts the ice encasing Venus A^G15
• Burns webbing off of Venus A^G26
• Reverse the Breast Burn somehow and freezes lava solid^G51
• Combines with Mazinger Z's Breast Fire to melt the hull of the new fortress Demonica, which was unaffected by their other individual attacks^G53
• Combines with Great Mazinger's Breast Burn, Venus A's Photon Beam, and Diana A's Aurora Beam to destroy the Demonica^G56

Thunder Break

Great Mazinger can release energy into the atmosphere to stimulate lightning, then channels that lightning through his body to direct it at foes

Regular

• Destroys dozens of Mechanical Beasts in a single attack^I
• Destroys Gomodora, creating a large explosion^G15
• Destroys Gratonios^Z92
• Destroys Bruton^G10
• Destroys Goldova^G19
• Destroys Dagora^G21
• Destroys Banigan^G31
• Destroys Gunsar^G49
• Destroys Theodorus^G52
• Destroys Vulcania^G55
• Destroys Grecios' upper half^G7
• Blows off Mugalissa's leg^G4
• Destroys Bisonia's wings^G12
• Destroys stone^G17
• Destroys a large rock and missile launchers^G28
• Electrifies the all-purpose fortress Mikelos, shocking the passengers^G4
• Disables Mikelos with repeated blasts^G5
  • Damages Mikelos, causing it to crash^G13
    • Again^G34
  • Destroys one of Mikelos' heads^G31
• Kills Archduke Gorgon^G22
• Blasts a hole through the thinnest part of an island covering the underwater trench he was trapped in after Venus A dropped a bomb on it^G42
• Burns the cloak off of Lubamba^G44

Misc

• Uses Thunder Break to cause lightning to strike Solgos directly from the clouds continuously until it explodes^G46
• Electrifies his Mazinger Blade, then throws it at Garalia, causing it to explode^G2
• Passes off the Thunder Break to Venus A when he can't direct it himself^G28
• Uses Thunder Break to burn off the webbing covering him^G26
• Fires off a Thunder Break despite being trapped in a sealed underwater trench^G42
• Snaps Boss' gang out of a hypnotic trance^G51

Great Booster

The Great Booster is an external support aircraft capable of docking on Great Mazinger's back to boost his flight speed and provide additional weaponry

• Allows Great Mazinger to fly at Mach 4^G47
• Stuns Tolcain with energy beams and rams straight through it^G47
• Flies through the new fortress Demonica^G47
• Slices apart Dollark with the wings^G48
• Cuts Marigela in half with the wings^G50
• Drills through the ground to reach magma^G51
• Takes a blast from Giran then splits it in half^G53
  • Giran destroyed buildings with blasts^G53
• Can be remotely piloted from the Science Fortress Institute^G56

Mazin Power

By temporarily shutting down the power distribution of the Photon Power Engine, Photon Power gradually accumulates inside Great Mazinger, which can then be unleashed all at once for an explosive boost in instant output

• Removes the adhesive material Girai sprayed on him^G11
• Breaks Marigela's tendril then kicks its head off^G50

Physicals

Strength

Striking

• Sends Zugar flying with a punch^G3
• Launches Dandalus with a punch^G22
• Punches through several thick walls inside the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G14
• Destroys Mycenae submarines with punches^G14
• Shatters the tops of towers with punches^G42
• Breaks the barrel of Battlers' cannon with a divekick^G45

Lifting/Throwing

• Carries and throws a giant bomb^G39
• Throws Diacus into the air^G8
• Swings and throws Lubamba by its flail^G43
• Throws Bruton's blade back at it to cut off its antennae and embed in a cave wall^G10
• Carries Venus A and Boss Borot^G11
• Lifts and throws a boulder underwater^G11
• Lifts Gracis' tank body^G32
• With assistance from Venus A and Boss Borot, lifts the Science Fortress Institute back to its rightful spot^G14

Other

• Flies straight through the center of the all-purpose fortress Mikelos, destroying its core^G30
  • Flies through walls in the Mikelos^G26
• Flies straight through stalactites^G10
• Swings around Duran underwater hard enough to shatter a large rock^G31
• After Zugar wraps up his arm with its tongue, pulls Zugar through the air towards him then tears the tongue apart^G3
• Bursts out of the rubble he was buried in up to his neck^G44

Durability

Blunt

• Hit by his own Atomic Punch redirected back at him^G10
• Bumped by the Mikelos which destroyed buildings by bumping them and smashed through large amounts of stone^G11
  • Rammed by Mikelos again^G39
• Punched by Barubari who lifted the giant head of the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G1
• Hit by Sanzan's spin attack which broke a large rock outcrop underwater^G5
• Hit by Girai underwater, knocking him back hard enough to smash stone^G11
• Charged by Gidonius who destroyed buildings by walking through them^G19
• Gets flung about by Gunsar who smashed buildings^G49
• Punched into a building by Marigela hard enough to destroy it^G50
• Kicked by Zugar^G3
• Hercules jumps on him underwater, causing the rock outcrop they were on to break^G14
• Flung into stone hard enough to break it by Goldova underwater^G19
• Smacked by Duran several times who damaged the support of the Science Fortress Institute^G31
• Hit by Goriki's flail which smashed part of a building^G35

Piercing

• Uncut by Garalia's blade which sliced through buildings^G2
• Uncut by Bruton's blade which slices through stone^G10
• Hit by Guillonian's blade which slices into the street^G13
• Grenius' blades bounce off which cut off Venus A's leg^G36
• Isachron's spikes bounce off which pinned Boss Borot to a cliff^G29
  • Borot no sold a tank shot^Z66
• Psychoveia's blades bounce off^G6

Energy

• Unaffected by Gratonios' beam which destroyed Mazinger Z's arm^Z92
• Blasted by Cleo who broke the edge of a cliff and matched a Breast Burn^G9
• Blasted by Dagora who destroyed a ship^G21
• Blasted by Battlers' energy cannon which destroyed several buildings^G45
• Blasted by Dokaider, who blew up a building^G53
• Blasted by Isachron who damaged a cliff^G29

Heat

• Blasted by Solgos' fire, which overpowered his own Breast Burn^G46
  • Withstands sustained fire, though Tetsuya faints^G46
• Blasted by Achilles' fire which instantly melted Venus A's missiles^G28
• Blasted by Battlers' 10,000° plasma cutter^G45
• Blasted by Kirinia's fire which matched Bravius' stone-busting energy beam^G17
• Blasted with fire by Obelius^G1
• Blasted with fire by Psychoveia^G6
• Withstands being submerged in lava^G28

Explosives

• Hit by his own Navel Missile thrown back at him^G35
• Unharmed after being caught in the explosion of a tank loaded with bombs^G32

Other

• No sells blasts from several Mechanical Beasts^I
• Hit by his own Thunder Break reflected back at him^G11
• Unaffected by Pilanias' acid scales which ate through Mazinger Z^Z92
• Blasted by Gracis' soundwaves and missiles which reduced buildings to dust and blew up large rock outcrops^G32

Speed/Agility

Reaction/Dodging

• Dodges Battlers' electromagnetic wave^G45
• Dodges Vulcania's solar beam^G55
• Dodges beams from the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G1
  • Again underwater^G26
• Dodges Garalia's beams^G2
• Dodges Zugar's beams^G3
• Dodges Grecios' beams^G7
• Dodges Dandalus' beams in mid-air^G22
• Dodges Harpy's missiles and energy beam^G33
• Slices missiles out of the air^I
• Dodges long-range missiles^G28
• Dodges Melectes' missiles^G41
• Deflects Isachron's missiles^G29
• Dodges Obelius' missiles^G1
• Dodges Gravalus' missiles^G20
• Dodges Dagora's missiles^G21
• Dodges missiles from the new fortress Demonica^G40
  • Again^G51
• Dodges and swats a flurry of torpedoes underwater^G14
• Destroys Hercules' missiles mid-flight with a Breast Burn^G14
  • Again with Grenius^G36
• Shoots Gargania's missile out of the air with his Navel Missile^G27
• Intercepts Isachron's missiles with Atomic Punches^G29
• Dodges Achilles' fire and energy beams which were fast enough to shoot Venus A's missiles out of the air^G28
• Dodges Psychoveia's flamethrower^G6
• Catches Kelvinius' thrown trident in mid-air^G16
• Dodges Obelius' divebomb from behind, causing it to ram into Barubari and explode^G1
• Dodges Gomodora's divebomb^G15
• Dodges repeated charges from Bisonia^G12
• Dodges Birgel's flail^G23
• Catches his sword after the explosion from Thunder Break sent it flying^G31
• Catches Goriki's thrown axe^G35

Movement/Agility

• Lands attacks on Banigan, who was fast enough to block Venus A's Photon Beam^G31
• Grabs two speeding race cars right off of the track^G33
• Evades Bruton's reflecting beam that bounces off the floor and walls to fill up a cave^G10
• Jumps over Mikelos as it charges^G11

Skill/Misc

Strategy/Quick Thinking

• Blinds Obelius with Great Boomerang, forcing it to attack Barubari^G1
• Blinds Kirinia by gouging its eyes, leaving it open to follow up attacks^G17
• While Guillonian is trying to pull his Mazinger Blade out of his hand, lets go of the sword, causing Guillonian to fall over^G13
• While Goldova is grappling him with tentacles, uses his Navel Missile to blast it off^G19
• Throws his Great Boomerang to retrieve his Mazinger Blade in mid-air^G29
• Quickly stops underwater and holds out his blade behind him so the pursuing Battle Beast runs into it, leaving it open for a finishing attack^G29
• After identifying the pattern of Mummires' teleporting, predicts its next move to land a blow on it^G40
• Figures out how to defeat Solgos by exploiting the artificial sun in its head^G46

Other

• Defeats the Great General of Darkness in a duel^G31
• Throws Bruton's blade such that it curves back to cut off its antennae^G10
• Sticks his Mazinger Blade in the ground then suplexes Bisonia onto it headfirst^G12
• Escapes Boss Borot's attempt to grapple him^G33
• Throws his Great Boomerang such that it spins off of Thoedorus' weapon to cut off its shield from the other side^G52

Tetsuya Tsurugi

Brain Condor

An aircraft created by Kenzo Kabuto that serves as the cockpit for Great Mazinger

General

• Like Mazinger Z's Hover Pilder, the Brain Condor docks into the head of Great Mazinger to allow Tetsuya to pilot it^Z92
  • Docks into Great Mazinger while falling upside down^G38

Speed/Maneuverability

• Dodges beams from the all-purpose fortress Mikelos^G4
• Dodges Battlers' energy cannon^G45
• Dodges Garalia's beams^G2
• Dodges anti-air missiles^G44
• Dodges Bisonia's missiles^G12
• Dodges Dandoll's missiles^G33
• Dodges fire from Gravalus^G20
• Does a roll to avoid Goriki at the last second^G35

Durability

• Hit by Goriki's flail which smashed part of a building^G35
• Blasted by Marquis Janus who caused a rockslide by blasting a cliff^G37
• Stabbed several times by Garalia^G2
• Withstands being submerged in lava^G28
• Flies straight through a pile of rubble left behind by a tunnel collapsing^G20

Weapons

• Shoots cobalt missiles and beams to blow holes in the Mikelos^G38
• Blows up a car with missiles^G3
• Destroys the eyes of one of Mikelos' faces with missiles^G4
• Blows off Babull's hands with missiles^G42
• Knocks over Dandoll with missiles^G33
• Blasts back Lubamba and Glosser with missiles^G44
• Destroys aircraft with missiles^G38
• Destroys Catloups, human-sized Battle Beasts, with missiles^G37
• Destroys Battlers' thruster with beams and missiles^G45
• Destroys the end of Gomodora's tail with an energy beam^G15
• Destroys missile launchers and towers with energy beams^G38
• Shoots Dormas' missiles out of the air with energy beams^G38

Gear

• Tetsuya's motorcycle has retractable wings that allow it to jump high into the air^G1
  • Has mini Rocket Punches, one of which knocks over Barubari^G1
  • Punched by Grecios^G7
  • Shoots an energy beam at Archduke Gorgon^G15
  • Takes out Mycenae soldiers^G20
  • Takes out several Catloups^G35
• A knife^G7

Physicals

Strength

• Kicks through a tree^G34
• Throws Jun across a dojo while sparring^G4
• KOs a doctor with a kick during a reflex test^G4

Durability

• His vitals are normal after a 50,000 m nose dive in Great Mazinger, with Kenzo pointing out that his remarkable constitution is what allows him to pilot the mech^G1
• Part of his training is sitting in a centrifuge spinning at Mach 3^G32
• Withstands the heat from blasting Pharobos with a full power Breast Burn at point blank^G24
• Withstands the heat of the Brain Condor being submerged in lava^G28
• Hit by Bisonia who shattered a large boulder^G12
• Buried by a rockslide and is fine^G12
• Slapped several times by the Catloup Corps' tails^G35
  • The Catloups used their tails to chop through tree branches^G40
• Falls out of a radio tower^G20
• Crashes the go-kart he's driving into a wall^G49

Speed/Agility

• Dodges gunfire^G16
• Evades Grecios' beams on his motorcycle^G7
• Evades missiles on his motorcycle^G35
• Jumps over Bisonia's charge^G12
• Easily evades Boss^G1
• Pulls up a Catloup to block harpoons shot from a gun while underwater^G48
• Leaps a fair distance^Z92
• Climbs onto Grecios to stab its head, avoiding its attempts to grab him^G7
• Jumps onto Jun's motorcycle as she drives away from him^G34
• As a child, trained by dodging swings of a training sword while wearing a blindfold^G16
• Works out on the uneven bars and the pommel horse^G24

Skill

• Takes out some Mycenae soldiers^G20
• Dominates a kid in a boxing match^G46
• Shoots training dummies while dodging their gunfire^G16
• [NSFW: Buttcheeks] Says that he's been training in marksmanship since he was in elementary school^G16
• As a child, trained by dodging swings of a training sword while wearing a blindfold^G16
• Pilots a motorboat to avoid the all-purpose fortress Mikelos's attempts to sink him^G16

Lifetime - Staked: 769.4u, Profit/Loss: +43.36u, ROI: 5.64%, Parlay Suggestions: 153-51 Dog of the Week: 11-10
2024 - Staked: 122.3u, Profit/Loss: 10u, ROI: 8.18%
I’ve had lots of people DM’ing me and engaging with the content recently, which is amazing and really rewarding. It’s so easy to enjoy this stuff when events like UFC 299 are the talking point, but sometimes it’s god awful Apex cards, and sometimes I need a bit more motivation. If you’d like to keep me motivated, or you wanted to say thank you for any help I may have given in cashing a bet, you can Buy Me a Coffee here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/SideswipeMMA
As always, scroll down for UFC Vegas 88 Breakdowns. The following is just a recap of last event’s results.
UFC 299 (PREVIOUS CARD)
Staked: 18u
Profit/Loss: +7.07u
ROI: 39.28%
Parlay Suggestions: 2-1
Dog of the Week: Michal Oleksiejczuk ❌ (annoying, as I picked Blaydes originally but then it went -110)
I got some really sexy CLV on the UFC 299 card. Did my damn job this week! And the fighters I bet certainly did their damn jobs too! Nice to get back to winning ways after a disastrous week on the Gaziev event. Really appreciated all those messages of support after a poor result, I’m glad I managed to get back in the win column and pay back all the belief you guys seem to have in me. Also happened to pay it back by giving out a couple of winning parlays in my DMs haha. Only point of frustration for me was that I was going to do a Trixie of Wood Decision/JDM KO/Phillips Decision but didn’t have time. That would have been some nice added money. Oh well.
Here’s some live thoughts on each bet:
✅ 3u Sean O’Malley to Win at -188 (won +1.59u)
Haven’t watched the fight yet but I hear it was a masterclass by O’Malley. Like I said, the devil is in the details and his evasiveness is elite. Chito can’t finish what he can’t hit.
❌ 3u Benoit St. Denis to Win at -137
Disappointed about this one, given the number I got was so good. I think I broke the fight down relatively well, as BSD did win 90% of the fight, and I think he still was the side to be on at -135. Dustin’s obsession with suicide guillotines was a narrative I referred to and that played directly into BSD's hands, as expected. Hell of a KO though by Dustin, I was surprised he caught him with the one punch KO. I knew Dustin would have his moments on the feet for sure, but trusted BSD's to take those kind of shots. Oh well, it was fun to get involved in such a divisive fight. Congrats to those who backed Dustin.
✅ 4u Mateusz Gamrot to Win at -225 (won +1.76u) ✅ 2u Mateusz Gamrot & Vitor Petrino to Win at -105 (won +1.9u)
Gamrot doing what Gamrot does best. Did get a bit worried after the early damage, and actually expected him to have more top control success than he did…but a win is a win and I waited three months for that one to cash.
✅ 2u Curtis Blaydes to Win at +100 (won +2u)
Haha, loved watching this one land. It was a weird finish, for sure, but I was really happy with the way Curtis was defending the grappling of Almeida to set that moment up for himself, so I think it was a good bet overall.
✅ 2u Kyler Phillips to Win by Decision at +100 (won +2u)
God damn Kyler looked great there. That opening round was one of the best five-minute performances I think I’ve ever seen. He really was in The Matrix. I also said in my breakdown that Munhoz has one of the best chins in MMA history, and he showed it there. Nice bet, really glad I went two units with it as usually I'm a bit gunshy with props.
❌ 1u Michal Oleksiejczuk to Win at +130
Hella power from Michel Pereira. That was always the danger and he hit that path to victory perfectly. This was a terrible bet, but really happy I got the money management right here to negate the loss from being too disasterous.
✅ 1u Joanne Wood – Decision Only at +200 (won +2u)
Love seeing JoJo ride off into the sunset with a win. Love cashing on her in her last fight. The Sideswipe WMMA party continues. Anyone who bet Moroz at that price, give your head a wobble.
​
UFC Vegas 88
More UFC Apex, more fat heavyweights. I just can’t wait. I’ve ranted about this one before, no point going through it again.
Let’s just get this over with.
​
Tai Tuivasa v Marcin Tybura
Binary fight. Tuivasa wants to bang, Tybura wants to grapple. Both men are equally weak to their opponents’ strength that this one is a very obvious 50/50 kind of thing. You could argue that Tuivasa’s path is much easier to hit, given that all fights start standing and all he needs is one punch, but Tybura has been in that kind of spot many times and has found a way to make it work in a lot of them.
There’s not much more to say, the betting line is rightly close. There’s no point thinking anymore about this one, leave it alone and look elsewhere on the card. It’s not a fight where you can get a big enough edge for there to be value.
How I line this fight: Tai Tuivasa -110 (52%), Marcin Tybura +110 (48%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None
​
Kennedy Nzechukwu v Ovince St Preux
I’m currently writing this whilst watching the Gaziev v Rozenstruik card in the background, so the -900 Javid Basharat loss is still very fresh in my memory. I initially had a 3u bet on both Javid and Kennedy’s moneylines (I bet that when Javid was -400), because I simply thought the -350 price tag here is a joke. I remember when I saw it as the opening number like a month ago and I laughed because I expected to see -600 by the time it hit the UK…but at the time of writing that -350 is still available.
Kennedy Nzechukwu isn’t going to be champion, but he’s firmly established himself as a legitimate UFC level fighter that can comfortably compete amongst the 7-15 ranked fighters in the division. He’s massive, has good takedown defence, hits hard, and has decent enough minute winning ability.
He faces Ovince St Preux, who I think should have retired about five years ago. He’s 40 years old (facing a 31-year-old, I know some of you love the age discrepancy statistics), and has been knocked out in three of his last four losses. The only exception was a split decision win against Shogun Rua, a guy that was also well overdue retirement at the time.
In his last fight, OSP got flatlined by Philipe Lins in under 50 seconds. Lins hadn’t won a fight ITD before that since 2018 when he was juiced up in the PFL. He isn’t known as a hard hitter at all, he’s a decision winning wrestler.
Obviously OSP is most dangerous as a grappler, but considering Kennedy Nzechukwu has recently gotten the better of Devin Clark and Ion Cutelaba, I think it’s safe to say he’s up for the challenge of dispatching someone who wants to land takedowns on him.
I’ve got 3u on Kennedy Nzechukwu. It was originally supposed to be in a parlay with Billy Q, but his fight has been cancelled so now it's a single.
How I line this fight: Kennedy Nzechukwu -900 (90%), Ovince St Preux +900 (10%)
Bet or pass: 3u Kennedy Nzechukwu to Win (-350), 2u Nzechukwu & Charalampos to Win (-110)
Prop leans: Kennedy ITD, but I fear price will be long gone by the time props come out
​
Mike Davis v Natan Levy
Mike Davis is lowkey one of the most disappointing stories in recent years. I think the guy had all the talent to be a top 15 fighter, but for some reason he just didn’t want to commit to his MMA career, and seems to be way more focused on other ventures outside of the cage than his career in it (dude is always on Instagram hyping up his twitch stream, but seldom posting about being in the gym). Perhaps all those months off dried up his funds, and he’s in need of a pay check?
He faces Natan Levy, who is kind of the opposite of Davis. Someone I have never really rated or expected good things from, but a guy who is respectfully plying his trade, staying active, and improving inside the Octagon.
This feels like the kind of situation you saw back in school, where there was that one kid that tried hard but only ever managed to get mid grades, vs another kid that coasted and never took it seriously but managed to pull good grades out of their ass seemingly every time.
But in terms of a serious breakdown, I think the version of Davis we have seen in the Octagon in recent years is a better striker and grappler than Levy, so should just coast to a win. The Israeli isn’t particularly powerful or show-stopping with his striking, he usually plays the evasive point scoring game (which very likely won’t work against Davis). He does his best work on the mat, but Beast Boy’s wrestling and grappling have always seemed to be at a decent enough level that I can’t really see that being the story of the fight either.
So this one should probably play out as a mild kind of fight, with Davis establishing himself as superior but Levy not getting embarrassed. However, the key word in that sentence is SHOULD, because Davis hasn’t performed since 2022 and I don’t think he’s trustworthy.
To assume that the Davis we get in this fight is the exact same guy from the tape would be foolish, so as much as it pains to pass up on what could be a pretty decent price, I’m not betting on Davis here. Don’t blame you if you choose to roll the dice though, but you should know by now that I’m quite risk averse and won’t force it where I don’t have to.
How I line this fight: Mike Davis -200 (67%), Natan Levy +200 (33%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None
​
Pannie Kianzad v Macy Chiasson
You know the matchmakers are struggling when they have to rebook the finale of TUF!
Pannie Kianzad is alright. She’s got pretty good hands for WMMA, but it’s still not good enough to separate herself from the rest of the unranked names. She can look great against the lower level, but eventually it turns into a step up and she struggles. Ketlen Vieira and Raquel Pennington are her most recent losses, to prove my point.
She also has a loss to Macy Chiasson on her record already, albeit from 2018. Chiasson was just 2-0 in her professional career back then, whilst Pannie was 10-3. It’s pretty shocking to say, but eight fights later and Kianzad is still arguably Chiasson’s best win, aside from Norma Dumont.
As Chiasson has evolved, she’s relied more on her grappling ability, landing 2.17 takedowns per 15 minutes. That ties in nicely against Kianzad, as that’s where she’s historically struggled (71% takedown defence is a bit of a skewed stat, it was still being exploited heavily by Vieira and Eubanks). It’s enough of a gap in skill that isn’t really present anywhere else in the contest, in my opinion.
So I expect this one to be a very competitive affair, and the potential grappling upside for Chiasson is pretty much the only thing I think that separates the two of them. Furthermore, Chiasson loses most of her fights via a finish, and Kianzad is a pretty unthreatening fighter, which makes this one seem a bit more comfortable for Macy compared to some of her previous opponents.
I think the -163 betting line I can currently see on Macy seems pretty accurate, as the advantages are there, but it’s nothing major that a win for Pannie would really surprise anyone. I’ve not really got any hot takes here, I’ve kind of just spent all these words explaining the matchmakers’ reasoning and saying I agree with it.
How I line this fight: Pannie Kianzad +163 (38%), Macy Chiasson -163 (62%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None, can’t even trust the trusty WMMA FGTD here.
​
Josh Culibao v Danny Silva
Josh Culibao ain’t that good. He’s committed and he’s tough, but you need a lot more than that to be a good fighter in MMA. Those tools can be good enough to beat a certain calibre at the bottom of the division, but you’ll come unstuck eventually.
I don’t know anything about Danny Silva. He’s got an 8-1 record and hasn’t fought a single person of note. So I have no idea where he sits in the UFC divisional pecking order.
Not sure how anyone can be confident in this one, this fight is an opportunity to find out more about Danny Silva, not one to lose money on.
How I line this fight: I didn’t do tape
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None
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Thiago Moises v Mitch Ramirez
Late notice replacement for Thiago Moises, who goes from preparing to fight Brad Riddell, to fighting Mitch Ramirez. This one should simply be a squash match, where the well-rounded Moises gets to show off his great grappling and decent enough striking – whatever he fancies really. Moises had finally started showing some fight IQ and actually leaning on his high level grappling, instead of being a decision based fighter, which I was really enjoying seeing. The performance against Melq Costa specifically was refreshing to see. The most recent performance against BSD was obviously super disappointing, as I didn’t think we’d ever see someone steamroll Moises on the mat like that (even Dariush got shut down to basic closed guard striking for the most part). But to me that’s a testament to how good BSD really is. It’s probably his best performance to date (I wrote that sentence before the Poirier fight).
Ramirez on the other hand has fought bums, and all but two of his wins have come in under three minutes. Plenty of very obvious red flags on his side, in regards to competition and his ability to fight consistently across 15 minutes.
At the time of writing this, I haven’t seen a betting line, but I’m fully expecting Moises to be -600 at least. It would be justified, and if the books don’t go aggressive enough, I’ll probably bet a short price on Moises before the public forces it to that -600. I’m not afraid to pay a short price if the price has value.
How I line this fight: Thiago Moises -600 (86%), Mitch Ramirez +600 (14%)
Bet or pass: 5u Thiago Moises to Win (-400 or better)
Prop leans: Moises ITD also interesting
​
Ode Osbourne v Jafel Filho
Filho’s a good example of the UFC’s current matchmaking model – you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. He came in to be sacrificed to Mokaev (gave a very good account of himself I thought), so they rewarded him with Juancamilo Ronderos, who is atrocious. That guy pulled out, so they dipped into the bargain bin and pulled out a regional fella. Filho hits the R1 submission and O.M.G we have a prospect…Sarcasm but that’s what the matchmakers will be trying to peddle.
It's easy to have a short memory as a UFC fan though, so if you’re considering putting Filho in your parlays I encourage you to watch that Barez fight back on Fight Pass, it’s only three minutes. What you’ll see is that his striking needs real work. He’s jittery and doesn’t really plant his feet properly, there’s definitely some technique issues visible, and he relies on his chin way too much. He got tagged pretty damn hard and dropped twice with body shots, and if Barez hadn’t have gassed getting excited and blowing his load too early, I think Filho definitely loses that one. Obviously the grappling is where he really shines, but I don’t think we’ll see him cut through every opponent that quick. It was because the Spaniard was gassed, Barez actually won more minutes than Filho. He’s on the fade list.
Personally I don’t understand how you can have Ode Osbourne as the underdog here, purely on skill alone. Ode’s clearly had his chance to put wins together and actually show himself to be a force, but he keeps dropping the ball and now the UFC are trying to cash out. He did it against Kelleher in his debut, did it against Tyson Nam…his record has too much wear and tear to be put on display, basically. That’s probably by they were so happy to let him take the Almabaev fight most recently.
I will say, Ode is a strange one though. He’s athletic, he’s got power, he’s got submissions…he’s not actually got a significant weakness in any area but cardio, so he’s one of those guys that I actually struggle to clearly see losing, despite the record looking shit. Kind of like a Charles Johnson.
If I was lining this fight purely on skill I’d say Ode gets slight favouritism at -125. However, the unreliability as well as the bad cardio are key red flags here, especially considering Ode thrives better as a finisher and less as a technical fighter, and Filo looks like a tough motherfucker.
So this one is complicated. I see a bit of value on Osbourne but he’s not the kind of guy I’d be comfortable risking it on, so I’m opting to pass instead. If you want to bet on this fight, I’d recommend taking the underdog…but I’m comfortable passing.
How I line this fight: Ode Osbourne +100 (50%), Jafel Filho +100 (50%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None
​
Christian Rodriguez v Isaac Dulgarian
The matchmakers absolutely hate C Rod, don’t they!? How can you go from Raul Rosas Jr, to Cameron Saaiman, to Isaac Dulgarian. These four names could well be in the top 5ers in a matter of years, and Rodriguez has had to run the gauntlet against them all. He’s 2-0 so far, and if he makes it three for three I think it’s time we started talking about him as a serious, serious prospect.
Isaac Dulgarian is one of those rare fighters whose reputation proceeds him. He’s 6-0 and already in the UFC, and aside from the debut win over Francis Marshall, his opponents’ combined record has been 12-8. Nothing at all to write home about, yet this guy’s seemingly really well known to a lot of hardcore MMA fans, and the fact that he’s currently a favourite against a man with the scalps of Raul Rosas Jr and Cameron Saaiman to his name shows how serious people are taking him.
Reason being, he comes from an extensive college wrestling background. We saw him use it to dominate Marshall, pinning him down and going to work with some great ground strikes until he forced his opponent to quit in the opening round. Dominant display, especially as a +150 underdog. Kudos to whoever was on that line, that’s one hell of a bet.
I went and re-read my breakdown for that fight, and I actually attempted to fade Dulgarian’s frantic R1 pace, thinking he might slow down and gas out after the crazy energy he brings to the opening round. He got the job done in the way that he needed to, so I lost my bet, but there are positive signs that the fade could still be on with that narrative, as Isaac still came hot out the gates there also.
I’m betting Christian Rodriguez here. I can’t necessarily justify it stylistically like I can with most bets, but I’ve got good vibes from backing Rodriguez as an underdog. At some point, the analysis has to go out the window and you have to acknowledge the experience and the unknowns. C-Rod has proven that he very well could be the next big thing at Flyweight…and we are getting the opportunity to bet him at + money against a 6-0 guy who hasn’t gotten out of round one.
There are so many “what ifs” for this fight, and they all conclude on doubt towards Isaac Dulgarian. What if he’s biting off way more than he can chew? What if he doesn’t have 15 minutes of cardio? What if he gets extended to R2 for the first time? What if he can’t land takedowns? These are all valid questions.
So I’m going to ask all those questions with my money. 2u on Christian Rodriguez to Win at +114, but I’m going to watch the line like a hawk and cash out if it trends the other way.
I bet C-Rod as a +200 dog against Raul Rosas, I’m a believer that he’s hella talented. So it’s up to Dulgarian to prove me wrong. If he does, colour me impressed…but I think long term it’s a good idea to be putting your money in spots like this. You could have done it with Jack Hermansson, you could have done it with Jairzinho Rozenstruik…perhaps you could do it with C-Rod.
How I line this fight: Honestly impossible to cap given how many unknowns there are with Dulgarian, but I don’t think you can conclude that C-Rod should be the dog
Bet or pass: 2u Christian Rodriguez to Win +115 or better)
Prop leans: None
​
Bryan Battle v Ange Loosa
EDIT on Tuesday: I've had a change of heart with this one since listening to some other opinions and rewatching more tape. I've edited the breakdown accordingly.
I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about Ange Loosa, I think. Looked phenomenal in the first half of the AJ Fletcher fight, but suddenly gets cracked and he’s out there doing all sorts of stanky leg. He’s really physical for the division and, despite not knowing where he was, he was still stuffing AJ Fletcher’s takedowns with ease (and AJ ain’t a bad grappler).
Loosa just seems like a C+ level everything, and it really doesn’t surprise me that he’s had his fair share of losses. However, that’s not always a bad thing, because it allows him to lean on certain attributes that he can use against opponents with weaknesses. In the case of AJ Fletcher, it was athleticism, takedown defence and cardio. In the case of Rhys McKee, it was everything. Despite him clearly being the better and more well-rounded MMA fighter on both occasions, he got himself hurt and almost dropped the ball from cruise control on both occasions, showing great toughness to fight through both. He also got absolutely destroyed on the feet by JDM, but we can't really blame hm/
Bryan Battle’s a guy I’ve always liked – he’s got a great frame for the division, has finishing ability via KO or submission, and offensively he’s just very well-rounded. My only issues with him are his patient striking approach, and his seemingly sub par takedown defence. Sometimes Battle looks like a lanky Derrick Lewis with the way he stands still with his hands up, shifting weight from one foot to the other and just staring square at his opponent…but just like Lewis he’s shown immense one punch KO ability, so I can’t really knock it too much.
They have a common opponent in AJ Fletcher, who demonstrated in the opening five minutes against Battle that he can be beaten on the feet, by closing the distance, not respecting his power, and having the superior volume. These are all things I think Ange Loosa could achieve, given the way he fought against Rhys McKee. However, the difference there is that Rhys doesn't really have too much in terms of one punch KO power, which allowed Loosa the confidence to come forward so aggressively.
I worry that Loosa is at a disadvantage in terms of finishing ability and general reliability here, as his cardio is also clearly inferior to Battle. Given the significance of damage and knockdowns in scoring these days, I think Ange will struggle to win fights against a certain level of UFC ability, simply because he is so prone to getting hurt. Sometimes the lack of finishes a guy suffers can lead us to falsely credit their chin (Robocop comes to mind), but there is solid proof that Loosa is a liability on the feet...and I think Battle can be trusted to make the difference with his power.
So whilst I initially thought this was a pick'em, I've since decided Battle has a massive gamechanger in terms of power, and that Loosa is stylistically in a tricky fight where he will struggle to find a place to be comfortable in. Yes Battle's got bad takedown defence, but I see him as the better grappler of the two and trust him to get back to his feet. A gameplan like that likely gasses Loosa out, and opting to trade with the harder hitter likely sees him come unstuck also.
Therefore, I think Battle should be a steeper favourite than he currently is here, around -200. I bet him for 2u at -150 as a result.
How I line this fight: Bryan Battle +100 (50%), Ange Loosa +100 (50%)
Bet or pass: 2u Bryan Battle to Win (-150)
Prop leans: None
​
Cory McKenna v Jaqueline Amorim
Jackie 1 round is back! Always find it interesting when she competes, given the fact she’s got this reputation for being a terrifying buzzsaw in the first five minutes, then completely falling apart. We actually saw her first successful venture outside of R1 in her last fight, but it was against Montserrat Ruiz who is atrocious and a literal warm body. The cardio narrative only works if you’re made to work hard, and Amorim definitely wasn’t. She styled on the Mexican for 14 whole minutes, even pulling guard and hitting a lovely sweep straight into full mount. Slick stuff.
She faces Cory McKenna, who is somewhat of a grappler in her own right. The little Welsh lady hasn’t fought in over a year, but we were starting to get a sense that she could well be a decent wrestler with the skills to confidently shut out a lot of the lower ranked women at Strawweight.
This will feel a bit like a familiar test for McKenna, who has already beaten the likes of Vanessa Demopoulos and Kay Hansen, who are two of the higher regarded BJJ players we’ve seen in WMMA in recent years. You can instantly see that Amorim is a cut above those two, obviously, but BJJ is a very limited skillset if your opponent is capable of dealing with it. We even saw that in the third round of Amorim’s win over Montserrat Ruiz. She pulled guard and lost most of the round, before hitting that sweep and Ruiz quit on herself.
If McKenna finds herself with top control (which I think it’s likely she does with her own wrestling ability and Amorim’s enthusiasm to pull guard) then I expect her to be able to shut down quite a few of the tricks that Amorim showed recently. Once those are off the table, Amorim’s going to look a bit feeble.
It’s still going to be a hairy first round for McKenna though, because a fresh Amorim is a very dangerous one, but I think this is one of the harder unranked matchups that Amorim could have been given to hit her already limited path to victory.
I saw the opportunity to bet McKenna at +100 here, and I took it for 2u. I know the dangers with Amorim and could even potentially try to hedge with her R1 prop, but I think McKenna can be trusted to fend off a pure BJJ threat, and the fight swings significantly in her favour if she makes it to the stool
How I line this fight: Cory McKenna -150 (60%), Jaqueline Amorim +150 (40%)
Bet or pass: 2u Cory McKenna to Win (+100)
Prop leans: Probably McKenna by Decision, but I’m not betting specifics when I can + on the ML
Live Betting Leans: Definitely look to live bet Cory if they get to the stool, especially if she’s been working Amorim hard. You’ll get a nice number for it.
​
Chad Anheliger v Charalampos Grigoriou
Always been very keen to fade Chad Anheliger. He’s rubbish, massively undersized for the weight class, has bad grappling, and has a serious case of T-Rex arms. If he can’t get into boxing range and throw heat, he’s not got much upside at all. I didn’t expect his UFC career to amount to anything when he got signed originally, but he’s now on a two fight losing streak and he’s 37 years old.
Charalampos Grigoriou makes his UFC debut. He’s 8-3 which isn’t impressive, and the calibre of opponents is probably even less of a good look. He was a +160 underdog to Cameron Smotherman on the Contender Series. We saw his power, but that finish came so quick that there’s not much else you can take from it.
Usually I’d draw the line there, but the -200 price to fade Anheliger was too tempting so I dug a bit deeper. I liked what I saw from his grappling and top control against Crisostomo (who obviously is awful), which adds another wrinkle to his game, but I did also really like what I saw from his striking. He throws with decent volume, using good combinations and different angles that clearly are tricky to deal with for his opponents.
Unfortunately he’s not got a massive size advantage over Chad here, which is the most comfortable angle I would want to see when trying to fade him…but I think Charalampos is deserving of his -200 price tag here.
I don’t however think there’s enough meat on the bone to force a big bet here though, as much as I want to go hard fading Anheliger one last time. Grigoriou has only fought cans in his MMA career really, so you have to pump the breaks on any good footage you see. He is unproven at this level outside of a very quick finish on DWCS, so it’s not enough for me to trust him to swing the hammer. However, I do like what I see so far, so I will be playing him for 2u at -175.
And since writing all that, I've decided to put another 2u on him in a parlay with Nzechukwu at -110, so maybe it is a big play after all.
How I line this fight: Chad Anheliger +250 (29%), Charalampos Grigoriou -250 (71%)
Bet or pass: 2u Charalampos Grigoriou to Win (-175 or better), 1u Grigoriou & Nzechukwu Both to Win (-110)
Prop leans: None
​
Gerald Meerschaert v Bryan Barberena
Pretty easy fight to write up here, all without doing tape. Gerald is incredibly flawed and is awful on the feet, but he’s awkward and a real threat in the grappling department so it leads a lot of guys to shit their pants and not fight him properly. They either dial down their output massively, or they swing for the fences with no set up (looking at you, Andre Petroski).
Bryan Barberena can throw hands and obviously hits pretty hard, but he’s frail in the twilight of his career and cannot defend a grappling threat to save his life.
Pick your poison, right? Does Barberena keep it standing and starch Gerald, or does GM3 show his crafty veteran savvy for the hundredth time against an opponent that should give him a path to victory on a platter.
Kind of a hard one to call but I think you should slightly lean towards Meerschaert. He’s still showing signs of being able to cope on the feet against some guys, whereas Bryan is completely incapable of grappling defence since his motorbike accident a few years ago (he used to have pretty admirable takedown defence like five years ago, you know!).
But, having said that, the idea of betting on a fighter as flawed and clunky as GM3 at a minus number is enough to make me want to register at a mental asylum, so I obviously won’t be doing it at all. You shouldn’t either.
Since writing that, GM3 has moved from -150 to -200, which I think is insane. That’s serious juice on Gerald. But I still am not that keen on playing Barberena. I'll keep it small and go 0.75u on the Moneyline at +230, as well as 0.25u on Barberena to Win & Under 2.5 Rounds at +500
How I line this fight: Gerald Meerschaert -125 (56%), Bryan Barberena +125 (44%)
Bet or pass: 0.75u Bryan Barberena to Win (+230), 0.25u Baberena to Win & Under 2.5 Rounds (+500)
Prop leans: Either GM3 SUB or Barberena KO, obviously
​
Josiane Nunes v Chelsea Chandler
Nice to see Chelsea Chandler back. I’ve still got fond memories of betting 4u on Norma Dumont at -120 against her last time. Watching her run across the entire cage when she realised she had no hands was hilarious.
I said it then and I’ll say it again, she’s not good at anything. Her striking is poor, and her wrestling relies solely on physicality to bully her opponent. It worked against armbar-or-bust Julija Stoliarenko, but that’s not really saying much is it. She’s 33 years old too, and seems to have gone quiet on all social medias since she lost that Dumont fight.
So how does Josiane Nunes stack up against her? Well firstly she’s one of the more dangerous strikers in WMMA at the moment. She’s got power in her hands and has 7 KOs from 10 wins, which is insane for WMMA standards. She even landed two knockdowns in one of those decisions. Also, like Jessica Andrade, the queen of WMMA KOs…she’s massively undersized for the division.
She’s 5’2, whilst Chandler is 5’8. It’s not always a big issue, but Nunes has shown grappling deficiencies in her brief UFC career so far, against the very low level but physically superior Ramona Pascual. Ramona couldn’t stop herself from getting pieced up on the feet, but she did find three takedowns against Nunes, where we saw the Brazilian be a bit too keen to play guard. Something you never like to see unless you’re super good at BJJ. Nunes doesn’t even have a submission win.
So whilst I clown Chandler for not being very good, her grappling game compliments the size advantage she has, and could well be good enough to get her the win here. Of course, on the feet she’s going to be at a big disadvantage.
Overall I agree with this one being lined quite close, but I’d have expected Nunes to be a shorter favourite here, given the consistent demonstrations of power and the way fights are scored these days. Personally I’d have her about -175, as I can see the path to victory for Chandler. Given that I’m currently seeing -137, that’s only a 5% gap and only on the cusp of being considered value. As much as I love WMMA, I’m going to opt to pass on this occasion. I don’t mind a bet on Nunes though, if you’re happier for a bit more risk.
How I line this fight: Josiane Nunes -175 (64%), Chelsea Chandler +175 (36%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None
​
Bets
2u Tai Tuivasa to Win & Under 2.5 Rounds (+180)
3u Kennedy Nzechukwu to Win (-400)
2u Bryan Battle to Win (-150)
0.5u Bryan Battle to Win ITD (+240)
5u Thiago Moises to Win (-350)
2u Christian Rodriguez to Win (+163)
0.75u Bryan Barberena to Win (+230)
0.25u Bryan Baberena ITD (+500)
2u Charalampos Grigoriou to Win (-160)
2u Kennedy Nzechukwu & Charalampos Grigoriou both to Win (-110)
2u Cory McKenna to Win (+100)
0.5u Parlay Pieces (+483)
Parlay Pieces: Bryan Battle, Kennedy Nzechukwu, Mike Davis, Charalampos Grigoriou, Thiago Moises
Dog of the Week: Christian Rodriguez
​
FUTURE BETS
5u Billy Quarantillo to Win (-137) (changed the stake size. Not 10u anymore lol)
2u Rose Namajunas to Win (-163)
1u Cameron Saaiman to Win (+100) (I'll be adding 1u more but unsure what the line does)
4u Alex Pereira to Win (-137)

I want us to be able to live in peace. If this world won't allow that, then I've got no choice but to crush it... with my fist.

Mash Burnedead was born as a "lackmagic" into wizard society, which is a big no-no. Without the facial birthmark all wizards possess and the inability to conjure, transform, alchemize or cast a single spark, his adopted father feared he would be put to death, and raised him outside the bounds of society. So, how did Mash spend his adolescence if he couldn't practice magic?
Pumping iron. Leg day. Size is the prize.
One day, Mash's secret is discovered, and he's blackmailed into joining Easton Academy for magecraft. Who knows what monsters, magicians, and malevolent forces he'll fight on his way to his goals: become the next Divine Visionary, and a world-renowned pâtissier.

Key

Feats that have ^U on the end take place when Mash is in "Unlimited Physical Mode". It requires him to take off his Rock Lee bracelets. He further increases his strength when he learns it's okay to not hold back while training with Ochoa. Creatine is able to bring out his strength even further, which will be labeled with a ^C. His final powerup happens when he trains for a year's time in the mindscape with God.
More impressive feats have been bolded to distinguish them.
Hover over a link to see the chapter of occurrence.

Strength

Core

• Keeps Abyss' sword trapped by flexing his abs
• Shows up to a friendly outing with an ab wheel
• Holds himself completely straight at an angle by planting his feet in the ground
• Walks up a wall by smashing his feet in for footholds

Grip

Whole Hand
Objective

• Smashed the coins he was holding accidentally, but don't worry, he fixes them
• Snaps Lucci's wand
• Sculpts a pot into a mouse
  • Crushes the sculpture into a ball
• Squeezes water in his hands' pressure to counter Domina's water spears, with one squirt almost nailing Domina in the head
• Rips off a bomb collar
• Broke his dad's shoulders accidentally whilst giving a massage
• Cranks Doom's sword into a V shape

Scaling

• Catches Abyss' sword
• Catches Cell's carbon spikes
• Snaps Macaron's wand
• Broke off a piece of Domina's trident
• Breaks Innocent Zero's backstory privileges

Fingers
Mash's Wand

• Sculpts his wand into a tennis racket
• Sculpts his wand into a pool stick
• Sculpts his wand into a baseball glove
• Sculpted his wand to make a bucket

Other

• Tears a policeman's shirt off
• Pinches Rayne's giant sword
• Pries apart 5cm-thick steel
• Broke all the impacts of 90% Doom's blows with a breakfall technique, his fingers digging into stone to lessen the blows
• Catches 90% Doom's Caladbolg with one hand^C

Other

• Puts Dot in a flying armbar
• KO's Cell in under a second while his skin is made of diamond
• Chokes out a monster in a triangle hold
• Catches 90% Doom's Caladbolg in his eyelids^C
• Breaks pillars from their base by squeezing them between his legs
• Pries open the non-physical door God tries to lock him inside

Lifting

Named Attacks

• Erector Spinae Magic: Big Three Dragon Dead Lift - Hefts an enormous chunk of a ballroom's floor^C
• Full Body Magic: Galaxy Crash - Suplexes Innocent Zero

Full Body

• Power-clings a big barbell
• As a believer in gender equality, suplexes a woman, breaking the ground with their landing
• Escapes from burial to the neck easily
• Wore bracelets for the entire series so far that weigh multiple tons, judging by the splash that erupts when Mash takes them off
• When a room's increased gravity is too much for him, taking off his bracelets allows him to move freely^U
  • However, it till grows to a point that it's too much

Arms

• Holds a boulder up using only his thumb, which is jammed inside the rock
• Tears a root out of the ground to destroy Lance's footing
• Picks up a wand that's so heavy, nobody in a millennium who has tried can do the same, and it holds back a pressurized fount
• Flips up a portion of an arena's floor to back Macaron into a corner
• Flings a gigantic monster into the sky after surpassing it in tug of war
• Lifts a prison container and chucks it on top of the person who created it

Legs

• Quickly does reps under a huge barbell
• Does a jig while carrying the same barbell
• After previously falling victim to Lance's Graviole spell, keeps himself upright
• Jumps up while is feet are planted in stone; the result is pulling up a chunk of stone from the ground
• Holds a castle pillar between his legs and uses it to bludgeon Innocent Zero

Mouth

Breathing

• Spits a button hard enough to knock a thrown coin out of the air, then takes the coin back by vacuuming it with his lungs
• Sucks a monster towards him with a lung vacuum
• Spits a jet of water at Domina
• Dispels a dragon's firebreath with an air projectile

Other

• Tore a button off a large jester puppet
• Almost bit his tongue off
• Tied a magic parasite into a balloon animal using his tongue

Pushing/Pulling

Pulling

• Rips a door off its hinges
  • Running gag lol
• Rips open a lock
• Pulls tires in his sleep
• Yanks Macaron into the earth up to his neck
• Evenly matched with a gigantic monster in tug of war
• Likely has a lateral pull max of 440kg

Pushing
Named Attacks

• Brachio-Radialis Magic: Barbarian Shot - Aces a game of billiards on the enemy team using giant bugs as balls
• The Continental Kickboard - Swims with such power that he is able to move a tectonic landmass out of the way of Innocent Zero's last gambit, a moon-sized ball of destruction

Objective

• Smashes a door pressing it horizontally against a doorframe
• Scrubs a floor to perfection
• Drives Cavill's head into the ground
• Embeds Luo-Yang's head in a wall
• Pokes a doorway in a 15cm-thick prison cell
• Shoves every Doom copy in the room hard enough that they fall through the floor and out of Innocent Zero's flying castle
• Creates a pathway to Innocent Zero from rocks in midair

Scaling

• Bunts all of Rayne's Ten Percent Partisans
• Evenly matches 30% Doom in a struggle to push the other back, with Mash taking the eventual L
• His hands are "like sandpaper" when rubbing against a djinn's lamp

Striking

Arms
Fingers

• Finger Extensors Magic: Gaia Burst - Performs a flick that would make Deku proud, nullifying Innocent Zero's Darkness Disaster
• Flicks toward the ground to escape Innocent Zero's bombardment
• Explodes Innocent Zero's chest with a flick^U

Open Palm (Chops/Slaps)

• Knocks out a cop with repeated slaps
• Slaps a mandragora and knocks it out
• Slaps Dot
• Rallies in tennis with Luo-Yang's nurse statue, hitting the exact same spot with the ball every time, ultimately breaking the statue
• Chops Luo-Yang's head with his iron racket, KOing the boy
• Chops every spike off an iron ball, neutering it
• Downs a volley of arrows fired at him
• Cancels out a tsunami with the air force created from swinging Innocent Zero's staff

Balled Fist (Overheads/Punches)
Named Attacks

• Triceps Magic: Ballista Knuckle - Punches through a spire of Silva's iron, then decks him in the face
• Full Muscles Magic: Hurricane Rush - Obliterates Abyss Razer
  • Punches Abyss through his Force Field and into the ceiling
  • Forearms, Quadriceps, Pectorals, Iliopsoas all keep pummeling him
• Deltoid Magic: Barbarian Punch - Delivers an impact on Domina that quakes the entire chamber they're fighting in, though Domina is able to keep fighting afterwards
• Unlimited Hammer - An overhead strike that craters Domina^U
• Unlimited Biceps Magic: Punch Squared - Attacks Domina with exponentially increasing amounts of punches, 2<4<16<256<65,536^U
• Biomechanics Cannon - Launches 90% Doom through multiple walls of Innocent Zero's castle
• Punch Squared - Stalemates Doom's Collidescope onslaught^C

Objective

• Smashes through a door and palm-strikes a cop, KO'ing him
• Pulverizes Silva's iron, then gut-punches him
• Folds the floor he and Abyss are fighting on
• Knocks the door to Abel's chamber off, warping it
• Breaks Cell's carbon spikes
• Dispels a great amount of sand before it hits him
• Punches chunks out of Cell's tower until they're on even ground
• Likely punches with 2-5 tons of force
• Pummels Orter's sandblasts
• Smashes a magnetic sheet Levis used to protect himself
• Destroyed a huge chunk of an automaton
• Punched a gargantuan hole into the side of a castle
• Knocks the doors to Doom's battlefield off their hinges
• Lays into Innocent Zero's face, plowing him through Easton Academy where he comes to rest falling apart in a crater

Scaling

• One-shots a Sphinx
• Punches Abel's big jester puppets back at him
• Breaks Abel's Harm Puppet, then shatters it
• Punches Cell in the face and breaks his epidermis
• Winds a Deadervant with a punch
• A punch-rush on Luo-Yang is able to surpass his damage reflection's limit and pulverize him
• Punches Macaron in the face
• Uppercuts Levis a little way back
• In a blow-for-blow, outperforms Levis' Adamas armor and smashes it with two punches and a headbutt
• Breaks Domina's sword
• Launches 20% Doom
• Cracked Caladbolg
• Knocks the wind out of 80% Doom with an uppercut
• Sends Doom rolling with a left hook to the jaw
• Punches Doom's sword into Innocent Zero's face to bypass the time magic coating the latter
• Hits Innocent Zero so hard that everyone thinks he's dead
• No matter when Innocent Zero rewinds time to, at all points, he loses to Mash

Other

• Forces Doom to take a beating from repeated elbow strikes^C

Legs
Named Attacks

• Full Muscles Magic: Hurricane Rush - Obliterates Abyss Razer
  • Glutes - Knees him back through the Force Field, which he enters and exits, and into the ceiling again
• Quadriceps Magic: Guillotine Kick - Introduces his boot to Macaron's face, kicking him out of the ground and a fair ways away

Upward Force (Knees)

• Knees Cregos in the face
• Knees Innocent Zero in the face
• Throttles Innocent Zero in negated time^U

Downward Force (Jumps/Stomps)

• Stomps the ground, the impact making his broom lift off the ground and into his hand
• Breaks the ground leaping onto his broom
• Splits the ground jumping into the air
• Leverages a door open, the door flying off its hinges and through multiple floors of the academy, into the night sky
• Craters the ground with a stomp
• Plants his legs in a monolith

Outward Force (Kicks)

• Kicks Abyss, sending him skidding across the floor
• Breaks Cell's spell-reflecting mirror by kicking it (and Cell in the face)
• Breaks the small piece of stone his chain is attached to
• Smacked Ochoa in the face through the iron maiden he's inside
• High-kicks Doom from Weakness Mode, meaning his muscles contract from nothing into perfect form to deliver maximum force
• Knocks the wand from Innocent Zero's hand
• One-shots a dragon

Head

• Headbutts Abyss' mask, shattering it
• Smashes a slaughtermelon on the ground with a headbutt
• In a blow-for-blow, outperforms Levis' Adamas armor and smashes it with two punches and a headbutt

Full Body
Named Attacks

• Full Muscles Magic: Hurricane Rush - Obliterates Abyss Razer
  • Erector Spinae - Suplexes Abyss through the Force Field, shattering it and cratering the floor as well as defeating Abyss
• Erector Spinae Magic: Hell Fall - Puts Abel in a piledriver
• Spine Magic: Hell Fall - Leaves a small crater after Macaron softened the impact
• Hamstring Magic: Big Bang Dash - Darts through Poseidon's chest

Charges

• Unflinching, walks through the walls of a maze to reach the end
• KO's Olore in his super seashark form (they are in water while this happens)
• Breaks Abel's fingers as they try to maintain their marionette control over Mash and halt his advance
• Charges through rock
• Used as a battering ram to smash through the walls of Grief Manor
• Rejects God and breaks through his tendrils that demand he sacrifice something to return to life
  • When God tries harder, Mash marches with enough force that the door tips over

Exertion

• Snaps Lemon's magic cuffs, supposedly no human can break
• Broke the stone floor of a hallway and excavated the dirt beneath it
• Via breakdancing, creates a wind funnel that fills a large balloon and pops it
• Overcomes Domina's water surge by breaststroking through it
• Performs a Blue Destiny on 100% Doom
• [Limit] If all four of his limbs are immobilized, he usually can't do anything

Other

• This is a striking feat, but not your usual kind of strike
• Bats every railgun projectile that Levis fires at him, the final one going directly back down the railgun barrel and destroying it
  • Here's some scaling for that projectile
  • This is not a striking feat, because he doesn't miss any swings

Throwing

Named Attacks

• Shoulder Magic: Missile Throw - Spikes a spike-ball with enough spin that it breaks free of magnetic forces and crashes through a wall meant to repel it

Power

• Chucks his dad's wand hard enough to draw blood on a cop's cheek and embed in a wood wall
• Throws his broom at a speed that surpasses the world record of broom flight speed
• Creates a sonic boom throwing the Duelo ball into the goal
• Flings a gigantic scorpion through the forest canopy and out of the story
• Sneezes and catapults a tray of cream puffs onto Cell
• Punts a stone into Cell's face
• Hammer-tosses his shoe into the ceiling, crumbling it on impact
• Hurls pillars with his legs

Skill

• Creates a sonic boom throwing the Duelo ball into the goal, which has enough spin on it that it flies directly back into his hand
• Puts spin on his gold coin as he flicks it, so it returns to him after cutting the strings puppeting Finn
• Skips a stone up and down Domina's water shield until it jumps into Domina's face
• Boomerangs Doom's sword underground to pop up right in front of his fist
• Kicks his shoe into Innocent Zero's mouth to silence him

Durability

Blunt
Biological

• Takes a flurry of his own punches while he's puppeted by Abel
• Takes the redirected damage of his own attack on Luo-Yang
• Beat up by Macaron
• Takes a Servant Beast's punch without resisting
• Takes a series of hits from Adamas-armor Levis
• Because of his usage of a breakfall technique, 90% Doom's attacks do no lasting damage

Magical

• Slaps down all of Coleman's spells, including one that was supposedly able to blow away a forest
• Punches aside Gehenna's energy chakrams
• Macaron's ball of magic forces Mash backwards with enough power that his feet tear up the arena
• Uses his body as a shield to defend people from Innocent Zero's darkness detonation
• Hit with numerous darkness lasers, they take a toll^U

Material
Objective

• Unflinching, walks through the walls of a maze to reach the end
• Cratered by Lance's Graviole
  • Graviole flattens a forest
  • He's able to resist it the second time
• Bludgeoned by a pillar of iron Silva sends his way
  • Takes more hits from Silva
• Thrown into a stone column by a large puppet and recovers
• If Lemon tried to run into him, it would be like running into a rock wall
• Slams into a giant spike-ball when magnetized to it
  • I'm pretty sure he never hits a spike, hence why this is in blunt and not piercing
• Blasted into a rafter by Domina's torrent

Scaling

• Blocks puppet Finn's mace
• Takes hits from Orter's sand spears
• 80% Doom slams the hilt of his sword into Mash's head and while blood is drawn, Mash fights on
• Thrown across a ballroom by 90% Doom and hops back up, a little scuffed^C
• While in Weakness Mode, takes a direct hit from 100% Doom and rolls with it^C

Endurance

• Wall-sits without a wall
• Fights Cell for nearly 30 minutes
• Fights someone even as all damage is reflected back at Mash
• Plays BS for 15 hours
• Rebuilt everything Domina's infantile fits destroyed as a toddler
• Took out ten sequentially-harder opponents in four days, something his trainer expected to take a month
  • Defeated ninety more in ten days, something his trainer expected to take a year
• His training regimen with Meliadoul knocks him out from exhaustion, and it will take two days to heal him
• Loses his heart to Innocent Zero but still can fight for a little longer
  • He's still breathing, even
• Plays by a griffon's rules until it passes out from exhaustion trying to beat Mash
• [Limit] If he spends too much time with his bracelets off, his muscles get sore

Esoteric
Elemental

• Unaffected by the Evil Eye's magic-sealing gaze
• While his exterior is commanded by Abel's puppet magic, a reflexive action taking place when Abel steals him cream puff allows him to break Abel's spell
• Electrocuted by Levis
• Takes the full force of Poseidon's Angus Roar unibeam and while slightly charred, just decides to go all-out

Mental

• Immune to a woman's charm because "he doesn't really get it"
• A unicorn trying to read his mind to see his characteristics can only see him sitting in a mound of cream puffs
• As a 5-month-old, is completely fine in pressure that makes adults pass out
• Weak to puns

Other

• Macaron's music attacks make his eardrums bleed, but he doesn't seem super concerned
• Hit with internal damage from Macaron's Fa
• Tanks Lemon's cookies
• Aged by Innocent Zero's magic, which withers his hand

Piercing
Cut

• Cuts his hand on Wahlberg's drill
• Slashed by Abyss
  • More slashes
  • Stabbed through the stomach and tanks it
  • Now a flurry of slashes
• Puppet Finn's axe breaks before meaningfully wounding Mash even though he doesn't try to defend from the hits at all
• Cell's rain of carbon spikes bust him up but he's still able to defend Abel
• Slashed on the back by 100% Doom^C

Impaled

• Takes the redirected damage of Luo-Yang stabbing his leg
• Tanks Domina's Trident Rain
• Run through with Domina's trident without lasting effect
• Shot by an invisible arrow
• Speared by Innocent Zero's clock hand projectiles
  • Despite his seeming death here, he is still alive

Other

• Weakness Mode - Can't be cut by Doom due to his muscles having no tension in them; he takes the hits as blunt impacts^C

Speed

Agility
Orthodox

• Avoids Silva's earth protrusion
• Puppet Silva's charge ends up with his head slammed into the ground pinched between Mash's feet
• Avoids the syringe barrage from Luo-Yang's goddess statue
• Jumps between Cell's diamond-tipped chakrams as they circle around trying to cut him
• Escapes Innocent Zero's range at the last second after trying to attack him
• Weaves around a Servant Beast's punches until leaping away
• Untouched by mind-controlled Abyss' sword in close range
• Weaves around Domina's thrusts and laser barrage, though he's unable to finish the fight^U
• Bobs around to evade Doom's Caladbolg
• 30% Doom, according to Domina, is matching Mash's speed
• Avoids Innocent Zero's snake summons

Unorthodox

• Did backflips as a baby
• Drifted while crawling to easily evade Domina's magic attacks
• Avoids Gehenna's slashes all while not looking any direction other than down
• Buried himself by drilling into the ground
• Performs a V-sit to escape decapitation by Doom's thrown sword, then follows it up with a perfect handstand, then double leg swing, and finally a flare, all of which score perfect 10s with the judges
• Breakdances atop 100% Doom's Caladbolg
• Despite having his personal time slowed down, he is able to bend backwards at the perfect time to dodge Innocent Zero's blast
  • Dodges numerous clock hands while in the same situation
• Avoids a griffon's attacks while not breaking eye contact

Movement
Named Attacks

• Punch Squared - Stalemates Doom's Collidescope onslaught^C

Full Body

• Covers Cregos' mouth so he can't finish his spell, then plants him in a freshly dug hole
• Increases his speed when he resists Lance's Graviole spell, though Lance is still able to dodge his punch
• Makes a chair out of Rayne's partisans
• Dug at supersonic speed
  • Despite Finn narrating this, Mash has a lot of trouble trying to interact with Macaron, who moves at sonic speed
• Eats breakfast and gets dressed in one minute combined
• Instantaneously disrobes himself, his clothes holding their shape, and moves to the pillar behind Orter without the man realizing
• Effortlessly faster than Domina^U
• He's about 2x faster with his bracelets removed, at least in this scene^U

Arms

• Scores the maximum number of points in Duelo just before the game finishes
• Knocks down all of Rayne's Ten Percent Partisans
• Destroys the strings affecting his left side with his right arm, then does the same reversed after
• Blocks all the rocks being thrown at Lemon by a mob
• Dodges and catches all of the Magnet Ping-Pong balls
• Bats every railgun projectile that Levis fires at him, his timing improving with each swing
  • Here's some scaling for that projectile
• After missing 20% Doom a few times, punches him
• Flaps his arms however fast one needs to to lift himself and the enormous rock he's carrying

Hands

• Rubs a wand hard enough to light a candle with the friction
• Warms up his hands by pinwheeling them
• Feints Macaron, then snags the tip of her robe with his pinky
• Flicked in 0.1 seconds to puncture Innocent Zero's sternum before he could freeze time^U

Legs

• Hovers by kicking his legs fast enough to deny gravity
• Jumps away from Orter's sand spear

Reaction
Pure Reaction

• Jumps back at the last second to avoid Silva's spire
• After realizing that one of Abel's dolls is full of acid, leaps out of the splash zone
• Reacts to Orter's wand moving to his face
• Barely able to dodge a slash from a mind-controlled Abyss
• Limbos under 30% Doom's slash
• Realizes Innocent Zero's body is surrounded by aging magic and stops his backhand before it lands

Countering
Projectiles

• Catches a giant projectile sword centimeters away from his face
• Bends backwards to escape Gehenna's energy attack while also not failing the game of You Look, You Lose
• Attempts to punch Macaron's music magic
• Swings his shoe around to catch Levis' lightning magnets
• Reacts in 0.003 seconds to a railgun projectile
• Smacks arrows out of the air, even from a distance that an arrowhead will pierce Mash's eye immediately following

Non-Projectiles

• Turns falling water into a protein shake, without having any of the shake equipment in the previous panel
• After Macaron moves at sonic speed, he manages to anticipate the attack by feeling the vibrations travel through the ground and wall behind him, so he can dodge Macaron where he previously couldn't
• Easily dodges 30% Doom's slashes with side jumps^U
• 50% Doom didn't realize that Mash may have attempted to counter his attack until he sees a chip in Caladbolg^U
• Moves to catch 90% Doom's Caladbolg, but fails to react in time when Doom switches the side he's attacking on
• 90% Doom uses Mirage to mirror his sword, forcing Mash to think quickly in order to parry; Mash catches one blade in his hand and the other, he plans to bite but is forced to stop it using his eyelids after Doom makes a last-instant switch^C

Travel
Named Techniques

• Hamstring Magic: Big Bang Dash - Sprints off a cliff to catch a vial that Lance dropped, affected with Graviole magic, and then returns to the starting position without Lance realizing

Aerial/Nautical

• Jumps onto the broom that he threw while it's in flight
• Swims faster than 10kph
• Tackles Wahlberg out of the path of Innocent Zero's spatial erasure

Pure Running

• Runs on water
• Runs on Cell's carbon spikes
• Circled Easton academy while outrunning Cell's chakrams
• Revolves around a magnetized object fast enough to cancel out the magnetic force acting on him
• Makes a 90-degree turn without losing speed
• Moves behind Innocent Zero in the middle of his monologue
• Seems to teleport right in front of Innocent Zero despite being affected by 100x slowed time
• He is literally so fast that being in 100x slowed time, he is still fast enough to make up for the difference

Multitasking/Other

• Backdashes to escape a ring-out against Macaron
• Speed-crawls
• Forms a one-man bucket brigade to dry out Domina's Poseidon, making over ten thousand trips in seconds, with Domina only realizing what's happening after noticing the Mash he can see is an afterimage^U
  • He even scoops up Domina until Domina can't phase through attacks anymore
• Too fast for a room filled with clones of 100% Doom to see even as he speeds around picking them off^C
• Travels on his shoulders

Other

Skill

• Intimidates a magic test
• Reads a person's intentions via their posture
• Has an immense non-magical aura
• Magic that he's previously seen is less effective
• Skilled in carpentry (as a toddler)
• Leg-sweeps Sadako and shuts her back in her well
• Figures out which Doom is the real one when faced with mirage ones based on which one weighs the heaviest on the floor he deadlifted^C

Other

• Named his muscles
  • They talk to him and can warn him of danger
• Somehow makes a cream puff despite following a recipe to the letter and having someone shadow him
• Eats almost only cream puffs
• He's not the sharpest tool in the shed
• Knows the exact nutritional value of Lemon's cookies
• Eradicated racism

It doesn't matter whether my life has some deeper purpose or not. I'm still unstoppable. So gimme your best.

(Mohon maaf jika cerita saya kepanjangan dan males dibaca)
Sy benci ayah saya, dr saya kecil beliau selingkuh berkali2 diblkg ibu saya, ibu saya yg nemenin beliau dr 0 sampe ekonominya diatas tp ibu saya ttp mencintai beliau gabisa meninggalkan beliau, ibu saya ini tipikal IRT bgt gasuka keluyuran cm ngurung dirumah aja nntn tv orgnya introvert, tiap hari masak, rajin ibadah tp jujur ibu saya itu galak bgt suka marah2 suka melampiaskan amarahnya ke saya, tp sy ttp sayang ibu. emg namanya tabiat selingkuh ya udah jadi tabiat aja. Ibu saya punya simpanan 800jt habis semua buat bayarin hutang usaha ayah saya. Uang 800jt itu ibu saya kumpulkan dari uang bulanan belanja yg ayah saya kasi dan ditabung belasan tahun, hilang sekejap. 2016, ibu saya merasa ayah saya selingkuh lg, ibu saya terus mendesak ayah saya tp ayah saya sampe sumpah2 demi allah, sampe sumpah2 saya ketabrak mobil kalo sampe ayah saya boong, tp namanya insting seorang istri tdk bs dibohongi. Long story short 2020 adalah titik terendah hidup saya, ibu saya mengidap gagal ginjal yg ud tahapnya parah dan breast cancer stad 4. Ayah saya bilang ke saya "tolong senangi ibu ya, jgn buat dia beban pikiran" dokter vonis ibu saya hanya bertahan kurang dr setahun. Saya dan nenek saya (dr ibu) temani ibu saya yg sedang sakit 24/7 hrs siaga kalo ibu tb2 membutuhkan saya, tetapi esokannya saya hrs pulang kerumah karna saya mau istirahat sebentar dan ayah saya menawarkan untuk rolling, akhirnya saya pulang istirahat dan ternyata ayah saya bawa selingkuhannya yg sedang hamil beserta anaknya yg masi kecil didepan nenek & ibu saya yg saturasi oksigennya sudah 70%. Ibu saya buat sadar dan berbicara aja sudah susah. Saya tau darimana? Ibu saya telfon saya nangis2. Akhirnya saya br istirahat sebentar lsg bergegas balik kerumah sakit. Disitu ibu saya ceritain semuanya sembari beliau antara ngawang sadar / tdk sadar. Disitu amarah sy bener2 memuncak. Ayah saya sendiri yang bilang jgn buat ibu sedih tp dia sndiri yg tega buat ibu saya sedih disaat ibu saya ud kesadarannya sdh mulai menurun. Sy marah sm ayah saya, saya tanya kenapa beliau berbuat seperti itu, ayah saya jawab " ayah gamau dihantui rasa bersalah sm ibumu " egois bukan? Disaat 2016 sampai 2020 ibu saya konfrontasi ayah saya, tp ayah saya malah g ngaku2 giliran ibu saya sudah sekarat beliau br mengaku. Apa sesulit itu biarin ibu saya meninggal dalam damai? Dokter vonis ibu saya meninggal kurang setahun tetapi nyatanya stlh ayah saya confess, ibu saya meninggal lusanya, saya benar2 seperti sebatangkara dan sy bnr2 seperti orang gila sampai pasca ibu saya ga ada saya hrs bolak balik psikiater. Saya selalu mengecap ayah saya pembunuh ibu saya. Smenjak ibu ga ada, ayah saya tgl dengan wanita itu dan anaknya dgn leluasa sdh tdk ad rasa was2 lg sedangkan saya karna enggan tgl bersama mreka, memutuskan untuk kos / apart saja, tetapi ibunya pacar saya menolak, beliau khawatir saya anak perempuan sndiri ngekos. Ortunya pacar akhirnya ajak saya untuk tinggal dirumahnya beserta kakak2 dr pacar saya. Ortu pacar saya sangat menyayangi saya, antara anak sndiri dgn saya tdk dibedakan. Usaha ayah saya semenjak ibu ga ada makin jeblok. Selama 2 tahun struggling 2020-2022 akhirnya saya berusaha mengikhlaskan apa yg sudah terjadi, mungkin Tuhan lbh sayang dgn ibu saya, saya juga berusaha berdamai dgn selingkuhan ayah saya yg sudah dinikahi scr siri dan saya skrg syg sm adik2 tiri saya. 2023 pacar saya memutuskan untuk melanjutkan usaha ayahnya di daerah lain dan saya pun ikut krn tdk bs ldr. Ayah saya karna tau saya sdh bs menghasilkan uang sndiri beliau slalu minta pinjaman ke saya krn uang saya tdk cukup untuk pinjaman beliau yg trlalu besar, pacar saya bersedia meminjamkan dananya ke beliau, janjinya bulan januari diganti tapi 5 bulan br dikembalikan, sedangkan pacar saya dan saya juga punya kehidupan dan kebutuhan sndiri. Ayah saya aktif skali meminjam uang kepada kami sampai titik di akhir 2023 kmrn ayah saya baca chat saya dgn istri sirinya, saya bilang ke istri sirinya tolong jgn ganggu pinjam uang ke saya dulu, saya stress sekali karna uangnya mau saya simpan untuk biaya sangjit krn kalo sangjit( proses adat chinese sblm menikah) itu kan dr pihak wanita, sedangkan ayah saya untuk sangjit dan menikah saja enggan untuk bayarin saya maunya full dr camer saya. Makanya saya berusaha keras menabung supaya martabat ayah saya tdk direndahkan oleh calon mertua saya, walaupun saya tau calon mertua saya tdk money oriented. Tapi ayah saya murka baca chat saya dengan istri siri ayah saya. Abis itu beliau g lama pulangin uang saya dan beliau sakit hati sama perkataan saya. Saya pun bingung dimana letak sakit hati beliau dgn perkataan saya di chat tsb?. Beliau pun gapernah nanyain kabar saya, keadaan saya gmana. Saya sakitpun urus sndiri sampe kmrn tb2 ayah mau minjam uang saya lagi tp yg chat saya bukan ayah saya melainkan istri nya beliau yg chat saya. Saya bener2 sakit hati bgt. Ayah saya yg mau pinjam uang kenapa harus lewat istrinya yg chat saya. Dia yg butuh bantuan saya tapi kenapa dia malah nyuruh orang buat pinjam uang ke saya. Beliau juga lagi susah tp bisa beli durian harga 400 ribu jeruk harga 100 ribu sekali keluar sm keluarganya habis 2juta sedangkan hutang beliau banyak dimana2. Saya kesel bgt ayah saya ngutang tapi gatau kondisi keluarganya gabisa mengatur keuangan, kl saya ga pinjami hubungan saya sama ayah saya makin renggang bs2 saya ga diakui anak sm beliau, sedangkan saya masi membutuhkan beliau untuk acara pernikahan saya. Saya aja hidup di daerah lain bekerja hidup hemat2 makan senemunya yg penting sy bs nabung untuk acara sangjit & pernikahan saya. Saya pgn bgt setelah menikah ganti nomor pindah rumah tanpa sepengetahuan ayah saya. Saya cape banget dichat cuma untuk pinjam uang doang tp dia gapernah peduli sama keadaan saya. Apakah saya durhaka jika saya membuang ayah saya setelah saya menikah? Tp jujur dulu waktu saya masi kecil ayah saya sangat memanjakan saya, apa yg saya mau selalu keturutan walaupun ekonomi beliau dibawah pas2an. Makanya byk pertimbangan saya. Mohon masukan dan sarannya.

Cerita sudu Stalin
Ok jadi tahun 1913 dan Stalin sangat sedih. Dia miskin dan marah kepada semua orang. Dia sangat jahat dan memutuskan untuk menyeksa kanak-kanak untuk keseronokan. Tidak sampai satu hari Stalin mendapat visi. Visi dari sudu itu. Sudu itu memberitahu Stalin "Bertemu dengan seseorang bernama Lenin yo". Stalin berkata ok dan menuju ke St.Petersburg dan bertemu Lenin. Lenin dan Stalin menjadi sahabat terbaik. Mereka memulakan revolusi beberapa tahun kemudian selepas mereka bertemu semua rakan funky mereka.
Jadi sekarang 1922. Kesatuan Soviet adalah satu perkara sekarang. Dan Lenin adalah lemah dan tua. Lenin adalah orang yang membina sudu itu pada mulanya dan memerlukan orang baharu untuk memilikinya. Dia memberikannya kepada Stalin, kerana Stalin adalah kawan baiknya, dan Trotsky adalah jalang. Trotsky tidak menyukai ini dan cuba mencuri keluli itu. Tetapi Stalin menyudu Trotsky ke Mexico. Stalin kemudian jatuh cinta dengan sudu itu.
Dalam beberapa tahun akan datang Stalin dan sudu itu menjadi pasangan #1 di Kesatuan Soviet. Stalin menganjurkan perkahwinan pada tahun 1930 dan menjemput semua orang kecuali fasis iaitu (Churchill, Hitler, Mussolini, dan Hirohito, dan beberapa orang lain). Stalin dan isteri baharunya melakukan perkara klasik yang dilakukan oleh suami isteri. Stalin memutuskan untuk menggunakan sudu besar yang lucu itu untuk membunuh 10000000000 orang Ukraine. Dan kemudian Stalin melakukan tarian kecil.
Stalin menggunakan sudu itu untuk mengindustrikan Kesatuan Soviet yang hebat tetapi apakah itu? Seseorang dari Jerman yang marah bernama Hitler mahukan sudu itu. Dia marah kerana tidak dijemput ke perkahwinan itu jadi dia memutuskan untuk bersatu dengan Mussolini dan Hirohito untuk mencuri keluli (Churchill terlalu sibuk membunuh orang India). Hitler melancarkan pencerobohan Kesatuan Soviet pada tahun 1941 tetapi dan Stalin menyedari bahawa dia mungkin bertemu jodohnya. Hanya bergurau Stalin menyudukan Hitler, menggantung Mussolini pada kipas siling, dan menyudu Manchuria. Semua orang di Kesatuan Soviet menyukai Stalin, dan selain itu, Kesatuan Soviet adalah kuasa besar dengan metrik yang hebat dalam segala-galanya.
Stalin menggunakan kuasa sudunya untuk menawan Jerman Timur, Korea Utara, dan seluruh Eropah Timur. Orang Amerika belajar tentang kuasa sudu itu dan sangat menginginkannya. Orang Amerika menyedari bahawa mereka boleh menggunakan sudu itu di Timur Tengah, orang asli, dan pada dasarnya semua orang yang bukan "demokrasi" kapitalis. Mao Zedong juga memenangi perang saudara China seperti chad dan bertemu Stalin dan sudu itu.
Amerika memutuskan untuk cuba membunuh Kesatuan Soviet supaya mereka boleh mendapatkan sudu itu tetapi Stalin sebagai seorang chad berkata tidak. Amerika kemudian melancarkan Perang Dingin untuk mendapatkan sudu itu. Sementara itu Stalin meninggal dunia dengan sedih dan orang baharu mendapatkan sudu itu, dan orang itu bernama Khruschev. Khruschev berkata sudu mesti dilindungi dalam semua kos. Orang Amerika cuba menyusup revolusi di Hungary di mana Khruschev menyudu mereka. Sementara itu di Cuba Fidel Castro tertentu mendapat visi daripada sudu itu. Sudu itu berkata "Bertemu dengan ayah Che yo". Fidel berkata ya seperti chad.
Fidel memulakan revolusi. Sementara itu Mao bertanya sama ada dia dan Khruschev boleh berkongsi sudu itu. Khruschev berkata tidak seperti batang dan akhirnya Mao mengatakan bahawa Khruschev bukan komunis kerana dia tidak ingin berkongsi. Fidel berjaya dalam revolusinya dan Amerika kena KENCING. Amerika mendapat tahu bahawa Khruschev meletakkan sudu itu di Cuba dan merancang untuk menyudu Amerika. Jadi Amerika mula bersiap sedia untuk memusnahkan semua orang.
Czechoslovakia juga mendapat sudu itu. Lama-kelamaan sudu itu diturunkan dari generasi ke generasi pemimpin Soviet. Sudu itu dipandang tinggi. Tetapi kemudian perkara yang sangat tidak dijangka berlaku. Batang mutlak bernama Gorbachev yang mula berkuasa. Dia menggunakan sudu itu untuk mengelap punggunnya dan semua orang membencinya kerana itu. Sebab Gorbachev juga bodoh, Kesatuan Soviet mati dan Amerika bersorak. Mereka sedar bahawa mereka boleh mendapatkan sudu itu.
Tetapi dengan Amerika tidak mengetahui kejahatan Kim Il Sung untuk mendapatkan sudu itu. Dia menggunakannya untuk membina bom nuklear. Amerika cuba memusnahkan Korea Utara tetapi Korea Utara mengancam untuk memusnahkan mereka. Jadi Amerika menyerang Iraq, Syria, Yugoslavia, Afghanistan, Panama, Libya, dll sebagai balasan. Tidak lama kemudian sudu itu diberikan kepada pemimpin Korea Utara masa kini, Kim Jong Un. Dia menggantungnya di atas katilnya dan menyebabkan semua kanak-kanak Korea Utara kelaparan dengan sudu besar itu.
Tetapi cerita itu belum berakhir komrad. Ketika Iraq semakin hancur, Hakim muda mendapat visi dari sudu itu. Sudu itu berkata "Jadilah komunis yo". Kemudian di Yugoslavia apabila ia juga semakin musnah, Yugopnik muda mendapat visi daripada sudu itu. Sudu itu berkata "Jadilah komunis yo". Dan kemudian JT cuma bersantai di Texas dan mendapat visi daripada sudu itu. Dan sudu itu berkata "Jadilah komunis yo". Semua pemuda ini kini menjadi sahabat dan rancangan mereka adalah untuk bertemu di Korea Utara suatu hari nanti dan mencari sudu itu. Di mana Kim Jong Un, Hakim, JT, dan Yugopnik akhirnya akan membawa komunisme global.
Dan tuan-tuan, puan-puan dan bukan binari, itulah kisah mengenai sudu. Dan itu akan membawa kepada revolusi besar.