Prologue: On the 6th of October 2023 Grand regiment Drake the leader of the OVO nation allied himself with Duke J. Cole of The Dreamville Union for the celebration known as “First person Shooter”. During the celebration Cole asked the question: “Love when they argue the hardest MC, is it K-Dot? Is it Aubrey? Or me? We the big three like we started a league, but right now, I feel like Muhammad Ali” This simple question would be the start of a war to end all wars as one small man would not take kindly to this question.
Chapter 1, The invasion: On the 22nd of March 2024 High Priest Metro Boomin of the Boominati Religion and President Future the commander of the Freebandz state would unite to, seemingly out of know where, invade the OVO Nation. The invasion was called “We don’t trust you”. During this invasion a weapon was made to take down the OVO Nation. The weapon in question was known as “Like That” where they joined forces with King Kendrick Lamar the sworn protector of the pgLang county. While using the weapon King Kendrick would say such lines as:“Fuck sneak dissin', first-person shooter, I hope they came with three switches” (a direct reference to Drake and J. Cole’s celebration), “Motherfuck the big three,***, it's just big me” (a spin on the line Cole said on FPS) & “fore all your dogs gettin' buried That's a K with all these nines, he gon' see Pet Sematary”. From this invasion on the OVO Nation The Dreamville union were also drawn into this conflict. With the lines being drawn and sides beginning to form, this was just the beginning.
Chapter 2, A strike back and a subsequent set back: On the 5th of April 2024 The Duke J. Cole of the Dreamville Union would launch an attack back but solely aimed at The county of pgLang where King Kendrick Lamar resided this attack was known as “7 minute drill”. On this attack Cole would send shots such as “Your first shit was classic, your last shit was tragic Your second shit put ****** to sleep, but they gassed it Your third shit was massive and that was your prime” & “Four albums in twelve years, nigga, I can divide Shit” However 2 days after on April the 7th Duke J. Cole would retreat his forces and apologise to King Kendrick and cancel his attack altogether, withdrawing himself from the conflict completely.
Chapter 3, More forces join the fight: On April 12th 2024 High Priest Metro Boomin and President Future would launch another follow up attack on the OVO Nation with their second assault “We Still Don’t Trust You”. On this second attack more allies of theirs joined the fight such as Captain The Weeknd of the XO navy, Commander A$AP Rocky chief of the A$AP mob and seeming a peace treaty was formed as Duke J. Cole appeared in the Boominati cathedral clearly proving he wanted no part of this war anymore. Both Weeknd and Rocky would launch small assaults landing on the OVO Nation joining the Forces of Boominati, Freebandz and pgLang With all these attacks coming in the world eagerly awaited for a response from Grand Regiment Drake.
Chapter 4, The Grand Regiment Defends: On the 13th of April the Grand Regiment himself, Drake would launch his first attack back known as “Push Ups”. On this Defence The Grand Regiment would launch massive attacks back at The Boominati religion, Freebandz state and pgLang county, with small jabs back at the XO navy for good measure. The most damming strike was aimed directly at High Priest Metro Boomin with the strike know as: “Metro, shut your ho-ass up and make some drums" this strike proved fatal and the High Priest was seemingly destroyed in the barrage and his forces retreated. More big strikes were aimed at King Kendrick Lamar such as “How the fuck you big stepping with a size 7 men’s on”. The Grand Regiment also changed the big three by claiming that “You ain't in no big three” (in reference to Kendrick) “SZA got you wiped down, Travis got you wiped down, Savage got you wiped down” Later that same day Duchess SZA would respond by asking why she was brought into this conflict. With a solid defence and subsequent attack under The Grand Regiments belt the world once again waited to see what would happend next.
Chapter 5, The Empire Strikes Back: On April 15th 2024 Emperor Rick Ross of Carol City, Florida would launch his own attack on the OVO nation, known as “Champagne moments” this would see The Emperors forces join the conflict. During this the Emperor would personally attack Grand Regiment Drake claiming that his chiseled battle worn body was fake with strikes such as: “Yeah, you had that surgery, that six-pack gone That's why you wearin' that funny shit at your show" And blows at The Grand Regiments nose:“That's why you had a operation to make your nose smaller than your father nose” A very person attack on the OVO Nation from the Emperor, Seeming siding with the pgLang forces. The Emperor would continue to launch attacks at the OVO nation and the Grand Regiment himself through Instagram stories strikes.
Chapter 6, Ghosts and A.I: On April 19th 2024 Grand Regiment Drake would launch another attack but not aimed at Emperor Ross, this attack was solely aimed at King Kendrick Lamar’s forces. Known as “Taylor Made Freestyle” this attack was a tactical move from The Grand Regiment as it was a much more scaled back, however it was meant to Draw the King out so he would rush his next move hopefully giving The Grand Regiment the upper hand. This is shown on assaults such as: “The next one is really 'bout to bring out the coward in you” On this forward attack The Grand Regiment would also use advanced technology to summon the spirt of St. 2 PAC to further attack The pgLang county. He would also use this technology to replicate Freedom fighter Snoop Dogg of the Trees movement to also attack the county. Later on the freedom fighter would be ultimately baffled as to how and why he had been replicated. What was about to happend next was unclear but what did happen next was strange.
Chapter 7, A Unlikely Ally Appears: On the 20th of April 2024 another attack was launched on the OVO nation but not by any of the pre existing forces a new force had joined the war. The controversial Führer, Ye, Dictator of The Inter Milan ultras, would launch his own small assault with help from Chairman Ty dolla $ign and President Future. This attack was known as “like that remix” and was a very similar attack to “like that” only without King Kendrick forces joining him, however the Führer would side with the King proclaiming: “Yo Dot, I got you”. The attacks were quite weak with the only slightly significant strike being: “I can't even think of a Drake line, play J. Cole, get the p*ssy dry" with the main attack being on the Duke J. Cole, a man long since retired from this war. After this small attack the Führer would withdraw himself and his forces and not be heard from again during the war.
Chapter 8, All Out War: On April 30th 2024 King Kendrick Lamar would launch his first sole assault on the OVO nation pushing back the forces of Grand Regiment Drake and invading the OVO nation with the attack known as “Euphoria”. During this barrage King Kendrick would launch many strikes such as: "You not a rap artist, you a scam artist with the hopes of being accepted" & "Yeah, my first one like my last one, it's a classic, you don't have one Let your core audience stomach that Didn't tell 'em where you get your abs from”. Seeming attacking the Grand Regiments body again just like Emperor Ross did on his attack “Champagne moments”. The king would also state his absolute distain for the Grand Regimental proclaiming: “It's always been about love and hate, now let me say I'm the biggest hater I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk I hate the way that you dress I hate the way you sneak diss, if I catch flight, it's gon' be direct”. Others would also be caught in the crossfire of this conflict such as Prime Minister Gunna “Wunna” of the now disbanded YSL company with strikes such as: “I know some shit about n***** that make Gunna Wunna look like a saint”. This would mark a turning point in the conflict as the two main army’s would become the pgLang county and the OVO Nation with at the time pgLang seemingly having the upper hand.
Chapter 9, The siege of OVO continues: On May 3rd of 2024 just after his huge attack on the OVO Nation King Kendrick would launch another smaller assault at the OVO Nation with the attack known as “6:16 in LA”. On this assault The King would claim that a rat existed inside the OVO Nation and was feeding the King intel on The Grand Regiments next moves he also sent many shots to The Grand Regimental on how he was loosing this war. With the pgLang forces closing on the Embassy (the headquarters of Grand Regiment Drake) The Grand Regiment had to act fast and hit hard to stop this barrage on his Nation.
Chapter 10, The Grand Regiment makes it personal: On the same day as the attack know as “6:16 in LA” At night Grand Regiment Drake would launch is own huge attack back at the pgLang county pushing King Kendrick’s forces out of the OVO Nation this attack would be known as “Family Matters”. During this defensive manoeuvre The Grand Regiment would strike back with strikes aimed at The King like: “Good kid, m.A.A.d city van, we'll pop the latch and let the door slide” & “Kendrick just opened his mouth, someone go hand him a Grammy right now”. The Grand Regiment would also launch a series of attacks aimed at the family of King Kendrick and even claimed that one of The Kings children was not actually his. The Grand Regiment would also send assaults back at The XO Navy, A$AP Mob, The Ross Empire and The Freebanz State driving their forces away from the OVO Nation and making them drop out of the conflict leaving only pgLangs forces remaining. What happened next was something that nobody could have seen coming and an event that would change the course of history as we know it .
Chapter 11, The Red button is pressed: Near hours after the huge attack known as “Family Matters” King Kendrick would launch the biggest Attack the world had ever seen, know as “Meet the Grahams”. In this attack The King would send his forces after The Grand Regiments Son, High Regiment Adonis, with strikes such as: “Dear Adonis, I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive I look at him and wish your grandpa woulda wore a condom”. The King would also launch multiple barrages at the Family of Grand Regiment Drake such as his Mother and his Father. The King would also accuse The Grand Regiment of crimes that he had committed in the OVO Nation and across the world with targeted strikes such as: “Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think (fellas) like him should die Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life” The King further claimed that the Grand Regiment had a secret child he was hiding by stating: “Dear babygirl I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world” & “Should be teachin' you time tables or watchin' Frozen with you Or at your eleventh birthday, singin' poems with you”. Due to how quick this counter was it’s been speculated that Grand Regiment Drake indeed did have a rat in the OVO Nation feeding King Kendrick information. This colossal attack would push the pgLang forces further towards the Embassy and take back the districts they had lost only a few hours ago. Grand Regiment Drake was once again on the back foot and loosing heavily, with even his most loyal followers beginning to see defeat.
Chapter 12, The final days: Only a day after on the 5th of May 2024 King Kendrick would launch another consecutive colossal attack on the OVO Nation, this attack know as “Not like us” is what many would argue to be the final nail in the coffin for the Grand Regiment. During this attack The King would send in all his remaining forces and missiles at the OVO Nation, with strikes such as: “Say Drake, I hear you like 'em young”, "Certified lover boy, certified pedophile" & “Tryna strike a cord and it's probably A-Minor" seemingly doubling down on the claims of the crimes The Grand Regiment had committed. The Kings forces had now taken the OVO Nation with only the Embassy where The Grand Regiment resided with his most loyal followers remaining. The Grand Regiment had to act and hit harder than he’d ever hit or his once great nation would be abolished. Like many parts of this war what came next was unexpected but would further the downfall of The OVO Nation.
Chapter 13, Overkill: A few hours after the forces of pgLang had seized the OVO Nation a force seemingly back from the dead would join alongside King Kendrick in the assault of the Embassy. High Priest Metro Boomin of the Boominati Religion would join the fight once more with the Assault known as “BBL Drizzy”. The High Priest would use dark magic to conjure great warriors from around the world enticing them with a catchy beat to further the assault on The Embassy. With the Embassy surrounded it was now or never Grand Regiment Drake had to act in order to save his Nation.
Chapter 14, The end of OVO: On May 6th 2024 Grand Regiment Drake made a final stand to stop the forces of pgLang and the Boominati from invading the Embassy. This final stand would be known as “The heart part 6”, However this attack proved to be futile and if anything quickened the time of The Grand Regiments inevitable downfall as it was a big swing and a miss. At this point even some of The Grand Regiments most loyal followers fled as they knew that they too would be damned in this final stand. As the forces of pgLang and The Boominati stormed the embassy Grand Regiment Drake, of the now fallen OVO Nation, prepared to make his final, solo, stand. TBC…..

“Brah, I’m glad that shift was over. ‘Tang ina can’t believe we gotta head back in 12 hours. Can’t take anymore night shifts. It’s killing me.”
“Migs brah, relax. It’s hardly the night shift.”
“ ‘pre, it’s midnight.”
“Yo, be glad we get to go home. Marcy, Ting, Lim, those poor fucks just clocked in.” Anthony glanced over at the whiteboard with a handwritten menu:
Meal A
Bisteak and Rice
Meal B
Pansit Canton with hot dogs
Meal C
Menudo Rice + 1 Lumpia
Special
Beef Pares (Beef Stew)
“Yo, so what you having, my turn to buy.”
“Yah, it’s always your turn to buy when we end up at a cheap diner like this.”
“Ok, you get your own..”
“Joke lang ‘pre, relax. I’ll have the Special. Sorry, been a long shift.”
“Manong, dalawang Special ho.” two specials please.
The old man behind the carinderia finished ringing up the customer that was ahead of Miguel and Anthony. Another shift worker, a woman in scrubs heading home from a long shift at the hospital.
The old man walked over to the back wall, grabbed two plates two bowls and began filling in the order for two specials which consisted of a plate of white rice and a bowl of oily pares (beef stew, street vendor style).
Miguel and Anthony frequented Robinson’s almost every night shift. It was a bare bones type of carinderia with green tile walls andSan Miguel Beer poster ads. One wall had a large corner to corner mirror that made the place look bigger than what it actually was. The tables were cheap foldable picnic tables draped with thick see-through plastic. The front windows were ceiling to floor like most of the restaurants on the strip except for some reason, they were tinted. Food was also cheap but portions were big.
Taste was another story. To the pair of them, the food tasted alright. There were definitely other options in the vicinity. A lot of restaurants and diners in the area stayed open late to feed the influx of commuting shift workers in the neighborhood. Some even stayed open 24 hours to capitalize on the breakfast crowd coming in from a graveyard shift.
Miguel and Anthony certainly weren’t lacking in options, but something about the food kept them coming back. There was a certain flavour to the ulam which oddly enough, energized them a little bit. They had the feeling of life returning to their tired over worked bodies. Over the months, both of them had certainly tried checking out the other carinderias, but they never had the sense of satiety that they would get from Robinson’s. Satiety was the word they could best describe their end of meal feeling. It wasn’t a satisfying meal, but it did leave a particular taste at the end. The kind that makes you want more regardless of how full up you felt.
They couldn’t quite put their finger on what that flavour in the food was; that strange but tasty flavour. Some of the dishes that Manong served tasted plain, even bland but with a hint of that… something. It was strongest whenever Manong had a special for the day. His specials were random and there was no way of knowing when he’d have a special dish prepared. You just had to be there at the right time.
For tired shift workers like Miguel and Anthony, they never really put too much thought into why they liked the food. They just did, but at the same time they didn’t. And like most people in their situation, they just decided to brush it off as routine, habit, perhaps a familiarity of the homeland.
Manong, who served them was not Robinson. No one knew who Robinson was. Just like every other store on the strip named Aleng Rosa, Marites Bakery, Tita Lidia’s Panderia. Rosa, Marites, Lidia, Robinson, all could have just been names pulled out of a hat and whoever worked at the establishments didn’t think too much of the history of the store names or who they were. To everyone on the strip, work was work, and a business was a business.
Manong was just Manong. He was an old sinewy man with a lazy eye and white oily hair. Old as he looked he, moved like someone half his age. He would float between the front carinderia and the back kitchen like a silent wraith, often times carrying refills of food trays with ease.
“Brah, so did you hear about Marcia’s aunt. Tita Neng?” Miguel asked as they sat down at their table, positioned across from the television that played local Filipino news.
“Yah, dude, that’s rough,” Anthony replied as he drizzled spicy vinegar over his beef stew.
“Thank god their insured right?”
“Dude what’s wrong with you? That shit was fucked up! In broad daylight too. Like great they can afford the hospital, but she didn’t have to be in that situation you know? It’s not like she got hit by a car or nothing. Dude went savage on her, for no reason!”
“Yah…” Anthony reflected. “That was fucked up.”
“Things are getting bad. I mean used to be hard just getting around at night. Who know’s who you’ll run into. But tang ina man, these fuckers attacking us during the day now. And for what fucking reason?” Miguel began to chomp down on his food a little bit faster now.
“They hated us from before pare. But back then they ignored us. Shit talk here, shit talk there, but that’s all it was, shit talk. They left us alone. We kept to our side of the line. But now they full on hate us! They blaming us for takin jobs, bringing the fucking virus. Dude doesn’t matter if you’re Chinese, Viet, Filipino. We all look the same to them. Fuck this world bro.” Anthony felt himself getting worked up. He realized if he kept going like this, it would be hard for him to sleep later.
He decided to steer the conversation back to Tita Neng and Marcia. No point in getting worked up so late. “So how’s Marcia anyway? She ok?”
“Yah, she’s with Tita Neng. She’ll be there a while till Neng’s out. Probably be a few days to a week, seeing how that asshole got her.”
“Wow, a week, how’d she score a whole week off?”
“I dunno brah, but company told her take as much time as she needed to take care of her aunt. I never asked though if it was paid. Who knows. You know if this shit never made the news, they probably wouldn’t have given any time off at all you know. These fuckers won’t give a damn until all of the sudden there’s a camera on them.”
Anthony choked a little bit. “Fuck that’s true. They only care if people got eyes on them. Imagine, if this news didn’t go public, they probably would’ve wiped their hands and said not their problem.”
Miguel grabbed the vinegar from Anthony’s side of the table and started adding more to his broth. He was getting a little heated up as well but wasn’t sure if it was the topic of conversation or the food giving him a second wind.
“Brah, the pares is good today,” he mumbled.
Anthony nodded in agreement, “mmhmm.”
“There’s a donation going on if you wanna contribute. Again we don’t know if Marcia’s getting time off with pay, but everyone’s just assuming she isn’t. Hard to ask with her being in her state, taking care of Neng at the hospital. So we just gonna collect some stuff, food, cash, you know. Help with the rent and all.”
Anthony nodded as he looked up at the television. It was a repeat news story of Tita Neng’s encounter.
“…Melinda Torres, a 58 year old, Filipino shift worker who was assaulted while walking home in the morning is now recovering at St. Joseph’s hospital. Police have surveilled CCTV footage of the incident Police Investigators have identified the attacker as Anthony King, 42, who is now facing charges of a hate crime on top of assault and battery. Anthony King is still at large and police are urging anyone with information of his whereabouts to contact them or CRIMESTOPPERS…”
“Fucked up,” Miguel says as he turned over to yell at Manong, “be careful when you go out. You never know what these fucks will do these days. They’re just hating on all of us, but what’s worse is they hitting the old ones like you, and Tita Neng over there.”
Manong just stared at the tv, with the same blank look he had every night, and all day for all they knew. He stood there silently, stoically with his one lazy eye unblinking, unphased by either the news report or Miguel’s sudden attempt at conversing with him.
Miguel meanwhile, stared at him for a few seconds, then slowly turned back to his food. Anthony replied, “you’d think he’d be a bit concerned for himself eh. I mean, even though he’s got kababayan (countrymen)all around here, who knows who’s walking down these streets these days.”
“Brah, I don’t think he leaves this place,” Miguel chuckled.
“Yah I guess you’re right.”
“Ingatan mo ang saril nyo”. (watch out for yourelves)The both of them suddenly heard from behind the counter. The both of them turned to look back, but Manong just stood there in the same position as always. Sometimes he was watching TV, sometimes he was just sitting down staring at the wall, and sometimes, he was at the back, disappeared behind the kitchen, doing what the both of them thought people did behind the kitchen. Cook, chop, clean, or maybe in Manong’s case, just a whole lot more staring into nowhere.
“You know, I don’t think I ever heard him talk,” Anthony said.
“Nah, don’t think so brah.”
After a few seconds, he turned back around over to their food and began eating again.
“Yo Ton,” Miguel whispered, “we’ve been coming here for months now, I haven’t seen anyone else work here except old Manong over there.”
“Yah same, I think he run’s this place all on his own”.
“You mean he does the cooking, cleaning, cash, everything? Nah he’s gotta have some help.”
Anthony thought back and tried to recall how the other businesses in the area operated. There were typically two people at least at every store. Even if on a certain hour you’d see one person at cash, or one person at a desk, there would always be another one out back, or out somewhere doing errands. Running a business, no matter how small on the strip was never a solo operation.
It was possible Anthony thought but moving inventory, getting supplies, cleaning the shops, all required some help. And as tight knit as the community was, there was only ever so much favors one could pull from the neighbors before they start declining.
He thought back to when he came to Robinson’s during the day and tried to remember if there was anyone else running the shop or if there was help. Him and Miguel usually just came there after their night shifts, but he recalled swinging by a few days on the weekends on his own when he didn’t feel like cooking, or he felt he needed something quick and cheap to eat. He couldn’t remember at all if old Manong had a helper.
Miguel broke his chain of thought, “You know I heard he was an ex merc from the Marcos era. Body guard or some shit.”
“Where’d you hear that?” Anthony snickered. “You believe all the tsismis huh?”
“Nah man, well, yah sure, tsismis is tsismis, but you know how rumors go? If it’s the same story, it’s gotta be true. And everyone sayin’, Manong over there is an ex merc.
Anthony chuckled as he spooned the last bits of sabaw (sauce)over his rice, “Dude, your logic”
“Yo just look at him. Stiff as a board, always looking silent and deadly. You see the dude ever slouch or anything? My titos and shit were all in the army, and you know, posture, it stays with you.”
“Even an ex soldier can’t do things alone man, specially at his age.”
“Huh what?” Miguel retorted with a puzzled look. “Oh shit yah, ok hear me out. He’s probably like super strong and shit. Ex merc you know, probably seen stuff. Specially back in those days you know. Fucked up shit. Figures why he’d do things on his own. Probably can’t trust no body. Look at that lazy eye of his too. Probably got stabbed or shot. Tang ina’s astig (badass)bro.”
“Dude, you even know what you’re talking about? Like Marcos era? You know how long ago that was? Manong over there’s probably gotta be over a 100 years old to survive the Marcos era.”
“Well”, Miguel shouted, but suddenly remembered where he was and who he was talking about, and where that person was, “Well,” he hushed down “he probably is a 100. Look at him.”
“Migs, I am looking at him, and there’s no way. No way pare. I mean yah, he looks old, but dude moves like he’s 20. He can’t be that old.”
The door of Robinson’s suddenly opened and the two of them stopped their conversation to have a glance. Normally there’s always the quick glance and stare when someone walks through, especially at that time of the night. It would be a mix of curiosity and hopefulness. Curious to see who would be walking in so late at night, and hopeful to see if it was someone they knew so they could start a late night gossip session. But at this particular moment, the stares gave way to a rapid hint of caution which triggered the two of them to immediately look away and back down on their food.
He was a tall, hefty man with big arms, thick thighs, and a big thick belly. He was wide and just plain big. Not the slow and soft kind of big, but the sort of big that can do damage, like a truck or a wild boar. He even grunted a bit as he surveyed the restaurant, eyes meandering Robinson’s with a cynical gaze.
“I thought I smelled something off,” the stranger snorted as he slowly walked, more like staggered, to the counter of Robinson’s. It wasn’t the drunk or high kind of staggering but more so of a bravado step with an air of arrogance behind the walk leaving behind a strange cloud of hate.
“Wha d’you gotta eat in this kinda place pops? I smell fish heads, you fryin’ fish back there?”
Anthony and Miguel gave each other a cautionary glance. They both knew Manong never served seafood, and they both knew what the stranger meant when he referred to the smell of fish heads.
Manong glanced at the customer, with his usual look; unchanging, stoic, emotionless. He took both of his hands and fanned them outward towards the counter of food laid out: the beef stew, fried noodles, and beef steaks.
“God damn old man. Food inspector come by and check your place out yet? What is this shit? You leave this out in the open like this? Probably not even warm?”
He stared at Manong as he mouthed the word warm, and while doing so he took his index finger and dipped it into the pan of beef stew, stirred it around for
1…2…3… seconds, lifted it off and stuck his finger in his mouth.
“It’s warm I’ll give you that much, but it’s fuckin disgusting. What the hell is this pig slop” He spat out onto the floor. Manong just continued to stare.
Miguel turned around when he heard the stranger spit on the floor. Something started to boil up inside of him. Anthony sensed this and grabbed him by the forearm, “psst, huy, relax lang pare”
Miguel turned slowly back to his place, torn and feeling helpless. He knew the stranger with the arrogant walk was up to no good. Miguel just kept getting flashbacks in his head about the news report and his conversations with Marcia about Tita Neng in the hospital. What panicked him most among all the ideas and scenarios running through his head was, this was not Anthony King, the suspect that had attacked Tita Neng in the streets. This was someone else completely. The feeling of being trapped and helpless choked him.
In a hushed tone, as if he could read his thoughts, Anthony whispered, “I know brah, but let’s wait. Relax lang. Maybe he’ll leave. Maybe he’s just all talk. Relax, chill”
The stranger sensed movement behind him, looked back with a smirk, then turned his gaze back at Manong. With the same finger that he just licked the stew from, he went and poked at the fried noodles, and began to stir just like he did with the beef stew.
Anthony was still holding on to Miguel’s forearm and as he watched the stranger stir at the noodles, his grip got harder, and sweat started to pour down his forehead.
“Y’all come here, serve this shit,” the stranger talked as he continued to stir the noodles with his finger. “And don’t even have the decency to greet your customers. Where’s the service old man?” His finger pushed deeper into the pan of fried noodles, submerging his knuckles, his palms, then his whole fist.
“You just gonna stare at me old guy? Or you gonna serve me? Or do I gotta serve myself?”
Manong broke his stare, calmly turned around, and grabbed a plate from the back counter, hardly un-phased by the stranger’s words and actions. He turned back around with the plate, grabbed a serving spoon and began to spoon the plate with fried noodles.
The stranger laughed, the arrogance and the cloud of hate that trailed behind began to rise, and fill the room with it’s invisible aura. He looked left, right, looked back at Miguel and Anthony sitting at the table. At this point Miguel had turned around to watch the stranger again so the two of them were now transfixed at the scene.
The stranger smile turned sharply into a grimace. He spun back to face Manong, lifted his hand out of the plate of noodles, and flicked them at Manong’s face. “FUCK. You can’t get the hint can you? I don’t know how you got into this country. But you know what old man?”
The stranger turns around to face Anthony and Miguel, “And this goes for you two pricks as well”
The stranger turns back to face Manong, “stop serving this slop and go back to your fucking country, you mother, fuckin…”.
And with that last word the stranger grabbed hold of another fist full of noodles and smeared them over Manong’s face. 1 second…. 2 second… 3 seconds… 4… seconds… he continued to smear. He pulled back his hand, turned around gave a grim smile to Anthony and Miguel, who were now standing up. Faces full of shock, anger, fear, desperation, anxiety, sadness, a mixture of emotions that kept them frozen in place. Fight or flight, both actions were being cancelled out with too many thoughts, too many countering emotions, too many what if scenarios floating in their heads.
The stranger glared at Anthony and Miguel, “This is what we do to your kind. You’re not welcome here no more,”
The stranger turns around and begins to punch Manong in the face with the same noodle smeared hands.
That was all Miguel could handle. Anthony stood there still in shock, but Miguel rushed over to the stranger and tried to wrestle his punching arm back to stop the barrage of fists landing on Manong’s face.
“Get the fuck off him you prick. Why you gotta go and hit an old man for you fucking piece of shit!”
The stranger had size over Miguel, though Miguel was able to hold back his punches, his other arm was free and strong enough to elbow Miguel hard in the ribs which made Miguel immediately let go.
“You all are everywhere, like god damn roaches”, he spat at Miguel.
Miguel furious took a deep breath and launched himself at the stranger. With no real experience in fighting, all he could do was grab hold of the stranger with a bear hug to the waist, which was unfortunate for Miguel as with the stranger’s reach, he was able to pummel him with both arms. Elbows to the back. Punches to the ribs.
Miguel held on tighter, frustrated, in pain, tears rolling down his face while the stranger continued his barrage of elbows, punches, and insults. Anthony stood frozen mouth gaped, shock and fear rooting him in place.
“You fucking pieces of shit, take every god damn street and store in our country, take every fuckin’ business, and all you do is ruin things for everyone.” The stranger continued to beat down, Miguel’s strength fading, his grip on the stranger loosening as he took multiple punches to the ribs and back.
“You come here with your shit food, your shit way of life, ruining MY country. First you bring drugs, then you bring the fucking virus, then you take all our fuckin money living off our welfare system. I should call immigration on the lot of you. You got papers boy?”
Miguel dropped to his knees. Hurt both physically from barrage of punches and elbows and hurt emotionally from the insults and the slurs that were flung with every hit.
“If you won’t go back to where you came from, I’ll kick you out myself” the stranger smiled. Be balled his hand into one giant fist and raised it high over his head, while his other hand grabbed hold of Miguel’s hair, holding him steady for the final blow.
Both Miguel and Anthony saw the fist raised. They both knew what was coming, but neither could stop it. Miguel was too weak from the beating and Anthony was still too frozen with fear to move. They both thought of Tita Neng in the hospital. Miguel was next. He’ll be in the hospital at St. Josephs with her, that is if he survives the final blow.
At this point, Miguel began to experience what most would describe as the slow motion of the last moments of life. Or at least what he thought would be his last moments. They were filled with dread and fear. He could feel the hatred pouring out of the stranger. How could anyone have so much anger and hatred towards anybody?
The aura of hate filled the room and engulfed him entirely. He felt as if his entire being was becoming smothered and about to be wiped out. He could feel all that hateful energy wrap him like a thick heavy net and the anger collecting into a single point in the stranger’s fist. All that hate bottled up in one fist would be crashing down on him soon. Miguel passed out from exhaustion. Anthony fainted from shock.
And then a darker energy entered the room. Originally it was just the stranger and his anger filling up the space. But then, something else emerged. It was darker than black. It was primal. It was old. And It, was hungry.
…
Miguel and Anthony woke up both groggy un aware of what was going on. It took a few seconds for them to regain their senses. They both assumed they had blacked out, but how?
They sit back. Miguel’s ribs and body ached. Luckily the stranger had only been hitting him in the back and ribs, and not the face.
Wait a minute he thought. The stranger must have hit him in the head, otherwise why would he have blacked out?
But then it occurred to him that his head wasn’t hurting. He did have a headache, but not from a punch to the head. More of a groggy, hung over feeling headache, the type one gets from sleeping in a strange position and getting a stiff neck.
Anthony opens his eyes, how did I black out he thought? Did the stranger go after me after finishing off Miguel? He felt no pain in his body, nothing hurt but his head, but it was the same groggy stiff necked pain that Miguel was experiencing.
“Bro, what the fuck happend” Miguel asked
“Pare I don’t know, pare. Fuck. My head hurts.”
“All I remember was I thought I was done for. I remember thinking that I was either going to see Tita Neng in the hospital or see my dad up in heaven.”
“Bro, I’m sorry I couldn’t step in, I tried, I mean, I wanted to, fuck I dont know I’m so sorry bro”
“It’s alright pare. Ok lang, we’re both ok, somewhat. I dunno. Dude where are we?”
They both looked around. There were green tiled walls with posters of San Miguel Beer, one wall with corner to corner mirror to make the place look bigger, foldable picnic tables draped with thick clear plastic, a TV playing local community news, this time playing the morning weather and traffic report. Hazy sunlight was shining through the tinted glass windows of the front of the restaurant. They were at Robinson’s.
Manong was in front of the kitchen counter with a mop and bucket cleaning the floor. His face, blank, stoic, emotionless. He swished the mop with strong, wide strokes, and when he rung the mop into the bucket, his sinewy arms tightened into coils of hard leather. For an old man, he moved like a teenager, albeit slow and methodical.
“Manong,” Miguel asked
“Ok lang kayo? Anong nangyari ka gabe? Where did that asshole go”
Silence.
Manong did one last swish of the mop into the bucket and wheeled them both back behind the counter and into the kitchen. Miguel and Anthony just looked at each other, confused, baffled, and stiff.
“Dude” Anthony grimaced “Like what the hell happened last night?”
“I don’t know, but I feel like shit right now. Do you think we should go to the police?”
Anthony sat in silence not knowing what to say or do. As he became more and more awake, the memories of the night before became more and more clear, but the gap between now and the moment the stranger was about to hit Miguel in the face was a huge black hole.
“Dude, what time is it?” Miguel asked.
Anthony looked at his phone, “6am”
“Alright, ok so we got 6 hours before clocking in to figure out what we’re going to do”
“Or figure out what happened last night bro”
The kitchen door swung open and Manong walked out with a big tray of food for the carinderia counter. Face emotionless as ever, not even showing signs of strain as he lifted the tray into the heating spot of the counter. After placing the tray in it’s slot, he turned around to the white board menu above the kitchen counter and began wiping the old menu out and replacing it with the days and evenings options.
Meal A
Bisteak and rice + 1 lumpia
Meal B
Pansit canton with beef slices
Meal C
Pork adobo and rice
Special
Lechon Kawali
Glossary of terms:
‘tang ina: short for putang ina. Mother Fucker.
‘pre: short for Pare. Colloquial term for Bro.
Brah: another term for Bro. Evolved from the word Brad.(Br-AH-d) or Brother.
Manong: A term reserved for an older male person. Typically males, family or strangers would be referred to as uncle or Tito. Manong is an older Tito.

“Brah, I’m glad that shift was over. ‘Tang ina can’t believe we gotta head back in 12 hours. Can’t take anymore night shifts. It’s killing me.”
“Migs brah, relax. It’s hardly the night shift.”
“ ‘pre, it’s midnight.”
“Yo, be glad we get to go home. Marcy, Ting, Lim, those poor fucks just clocked in.” Anthony glanced over at the whiteboard with a handwritten menu:
Meal A
Bisteak and Rice
Meal B
Pansit Canton with hot dogs
Meal C
Menudo Rice + 1 Lumpia
Special
Beef Pares (Beef Stew)
“Yo, so what you having, my turn to buy.”
“Yah, it’s always your turn to buy when we end up at a cheap diner like this.”
“Ok, you get your own..”
“Joke lang ‘pre, relax. I’ll have the Special. Sorry, been a long shift.”
“Manong, dalawang Special ho.” two specials please.
The old man behind the carinderia finished ringing up the customer that was ahead of Miguel and Anthony. Another shift worker, a woman in scrubs heading home from a long shift at the hospital.
The old man walked over to the back wall, grabbed two plates two bowls and began filling in the order for two specials which consisted of a plate of white rice and a bowl of oily pares (beef stew, street vendor style).
Miguel and Anthony frequented Robinson’s almost every night shift. It was a bare bones type of carinderia with green tile walls andSan Miguel Beer poster ads. One wall had a large corner to corner mirror that made the place look bigger than what it actually was. The tables were cheap foldable picnic tables draped with thick see-through plastic. The front windows were ceiling to floor like most of the restaurants on the strip except for some reason, they were tinted. Food was also cheap but portions were big.
Taste was another story. To the pair of them, the food tasted alright. There were definitely other options in the vicinity. A lot of restaurants and diners in the area stayed open late to feed the influx of commuting shift workers in the neighborhood. Some even stayed open 24 hours to capitalize on the breakfast crowd coming in from a graveyard shift.
Miguel and Anthony certainly weren’t lacking in options, but something about the food kept them coming back. There was a certain flavour to the ulam which oddly enough, energized them a little bit. They had the feeling of life returning to their tired over worked bodies. Over the months, both of them had certainly tried checking out the other carinderias, but they never had the sense of satiety that they would get from Robinson’s. Satiety was the word they could best describe their end of meal feeling. It wasn’t a satisfying meal, but it did leave a particular taste at the end. The kind that makes you want more regardless of how full up you felt.
They couldn’t quite put their finger on what that flavour in the food was; that strange but tasty flavour. Some of the dishes that Manong served tasted plain, even bland but with a hint of that… something. It was strongest whenever Manong had a special for the day. His specials were random and there was no way of knowing when he’d have a special dish prepared. You just had to be there at the right time.
For tired shift workers like Miguel and Anthony, they never really put too much thought into why they liked the food. They just did, but at the same time they didn’t. And like most people in their situation, they just decided to brush it off as routine, habit, perhaps a familiarity of the homeland.
Manong, who served them was not Robinson. No one knew who Robinson was. Just like every other store on the strip named Aleng Rosa, Marites Bakery, Tita Lidia’s Panderia. Rosa, Marites, Lidia, Robinson, all could have just been names pulled out of a hat and whoever worked at the establishments didn’t think too much of the history of the store names or who they were. To everyone on the strip, work was work, and a business was a business.
Manong was just Manong. He was an old sinewy man with a lazy eye and white oily hair. Old as he looked he, moved like someone half his age. He would float between the front carinderia and the back kitchen like a silent wraith, often times carrying refills of food trays with ease.
“Brah, so did you hear about Marcia’s aunt. Tita Neng?” Miguel asked as they sat down at their table, positioned across from the television that played local Filipino news.
“Yah, dude, that’s rough,” Anthony replied as he drizzled spicy vinegar over his beef stew.
“Thank god their insured right?”
“Dude what’s wrong with you? That shit was fucked up! In broad daylight too. Like great they can afford the hospital, but she didn’t have to be in that situation you know? It’s not like she got hit by a car or nothing. Dude went savage on her, for no reason!”
“Yah…” Anthony reflected. “That was fucked up.”
“Things are getting bad. I mean used to be hard just getting around at night. Who know’s who you’ll run into. But tang ina man, these fuckers attacking us during the day now. And for what fucking reason?” Miguel began to chomp down on his food a little bit faster now.
“They hated us from before pare. But back then they ignored us. Shit talk here, shit talk there, but that’s all it was, shit talk. They left us alone. We kept to our side of the line. But now they full on hate us! They blaming us for takin jobs, bringing the fucking virus. Dude doesn’t matter if you’re Chinese, Viet, Filipino. We all look the same to them. Fuck this world bro.” Anthony felt himself getting worked up. He realized if he kept going like this, it would be hard for him to sleep later.
He decided to steer the conversation back to Tita Neng and Marcia. No point in getting worked up so late. “So how’s Marcia anyway? She ok?”
“Yah, she’s with Tita Neng. She’ll be there a while till Neng’s out. Probably be a few days to a week, seeing how that asshole got her.”
“Wow, a week, how’d she score a whole week off?”
“I dunno brah, but company told her take as much time as she needed to take care of her aunt. I never asked though if it was paid. Who knows. You know if this shit never made the news, they probably wouldn’t have given any time off at all you know. These fuckers won’t give a damn until all of the sudden there’s a camera on them.”
Anthony choked a little bit. “Fuck that’s true. They only care if people got eyes on them. Imagine, if this news didn’t go public, they probably would’ve wiped their hands and said not their problem.”
Miguel grabbed the vinegar from Anthony’s side of the table and started adding more to his broth. He was getting a little heated up as well but wasn’t sure if it was the topic of conversation or the food giving him a second wind.
“Brah, the pares is good today,” he mumbled.
Anthony nodded in agreement, “mmhmm.”
“There’s a donation going on if you wanna contribute. Again we don’t know if Marcia’s getting time off with pay, but everyone’s just assuming she isn’t. Hard to ask with her being in her state, taking care of Neng at the hospital. So we just gonna collect some stuff, food, cash, you know. Help with the rent and all.”
Anthony nodded as he looked up at the television. It was a repeat news story of Tita Neng’s encounter.
“…Melinda Torres, a 58 year old, Filipino shift worker who was assaulted while walking home in the morning is now recovering at St. Joseph’s hospital. Police have surveilled CCTV footage of the incident Police Investigators have identified the attacker as Anthony King, 42, who is now facing charges of a hate crime on top of assault and battery. Anthony King is still at large and police are urging anyone with information of his whereabouts to contact them or CRIMESTOPPERS…”
“Fucked up,” Miguel says as he turned over to yell at Manong, “be careful when you go out. You never know what these fucks will do these days. They’re just hating on all of us, but what’s worse is they hitting the old ones like you, and Tita Neng over there.”
Manong just stared at the tv, with the same blank look he had every night, and all day for all they knew. He stood there silently, stoically with his one lazy eye unblinking, unphased by either the news report or Miguel’s sudden attempt at conversing with him.
Miguel meanwhile, stared at him for a few seconds, then slowly turned back to his food. Anthony replied, “you’d think he’d be a bit concerned for himself eh. I mean, even though he’s got kababayan (countrymen)all around here, who knows who’s walking down these streets these days.”
“Brah, I don’t think he leaves this place,” Miguel chuckled.
“Yah I guess you’re right.”
“Ingatan mo ang saril nyo”. (watch out for yourelves)The both of them suddenly heard from behind the counter. The both of them turned to look back, but Manong just stood there in the same position as always. Sometimes he was watching TV, sometimes he was just sitting down staring at the wall, and sometimes, he was at the back, disappeared behind the kitchen, doing what the both of them thought people did behind the kitchen. Cook, chop, clean, or maybe in Manong’s case, just a whole lot more staring into nowhere.
“You know, I don’t think I ever heard him talk,” Anthony said.
“Nah, don’t think so brah.”
After a few seconds, he turned back around over to their food and began eating again.
“Yo Ton,” Miguel whispered, “we’ve been coming here for months now, I haven’t seen anyone else work here except old Manong over there.”
“Yah same, I think he run’s this place all on his own”.
“You mean he does the cooking, cleaning, cash, everything? Nah he’s gotta have some help.”
Anthony thought back and tried to recall how the other businesses in the area operated. There were typically two people at least at every store. Even if on a certain hour you’d see one person at cash, or one person at a desk, there would always be another one out back, or out somewhere doing errands. Running a business, no matter how small on the strip was never a solo operation.
It was possible Anthony thought but moving inventory, getting supplies, cleaning the shops, all required some help. And as tight knit as the community was, there was only ever so much favors one could pull from the neighbors before they start declining.
He thought back to when he came to Robinson’s during the day and tried to remember if there was anyone else running the shop or if there was help. Him and Miguel usually just came there after their night shifts, but he recalled swinging by a few days on the weekends on his own when he didn’t feel like cooking, or he felt he needed something quick and cheap to eat. He couldn’t remember at all if old Manong had a helper.
Miguel broke his chain of thought, “You know I heard he was an ex merc from the Marcos era. Body guard or some shit.”
“Where’d you hear that?” Anthony snickered. “You believe all the tsismis huh?”
“Nah man, well, yah sure, tsismis is tsismis, but you know how rumors go? If it’s the same story, it’s gotta be true. And everyone sayin’, Manong over there is an ex merc.
Anthony chuckled as he spooned the last bits of sabaw (sauce)over his rice, “Dude, your logic”
“Yo just look at him. Stiff as a board, always looking silent and deadly. You see the dude ever slouch or anything? My titos and shit were all in the army, and you know, posture, it stays with you.”
“Even an ex soldier can’t do things alone man, specially at his age.”
“Huh what?” Miguel retorted with a puzzled look. “Oh shit yah, ok hear me out. He’s probably like super strong and shit. Ex merc you know, probably seen stuff. Specially back in those days you know. Fucked up shit. Figures why he’d do things on his own. Probably can’t trust no body. Look at that lazy eye of his too. Probably got stabbed or shot. Tang ina’s astig (badass)bro.”
“Dude, you even know what you’re talking about? Like Marcos era? You know how long ago that was? Manong over there’s probably gotta be over a 100 years old to survive the Marcos era.”
“Well”, Miguel shouted, but suddenly remembered where he was and who he was talking about, and where that person was, “Well,” he hushed down “he probably is a 100. Look at him.”
“Migs, I am looking at him, and there’s no way. No way pare. I mean yah, he looks old, but dude moves like he’s 20. He can’t be that old.”
The door of Robinson’s suddenly opened and the two of them stopped their conversation to have a glance. Normally there’s always the quick glance and stare when someone walks through, especially at that time of the night. It would be a mix of curiosity and hopefulness. Curious to see who would be walking in so late at night, and hopeful to see if it was someone they knew so they could start a late night gossip session. But at this particular moment, the stares gave way to a rapid hint of caution which triggered the two of them to immediately look away and back down on their food.
He was a tall, hefty man with big arms, thick thighs, and a big thick belly. He was wide and just plain big. Not the slow and soft kind of big, but the sort of big that can do damage, like a truck or a wild boar. He even grunted a bit as he surveyed the restaurant, eyes meandering Robinson’s with a cynical gaze.
“I thought I smelled something off,” the stranger snorted as he slowly walked, more like staggered, to the counter of Robinson’s. It wasn’t the drunk or high kind of staggering but more so of a bravado step with an air of arrogance behind the walk leaving behind a strange cloud of hate.
“Wha d’you gotta eat in this kinda place pops? I smell fish heads, you fryin’ fish back there?”
Anthony and Miguel gave each other a cautionary glance. They both knew Manong never served seafood, and they both knew what the stranger meant when he referred to the smell of fish heads.
Manong glanced at the customer, with his usual look; unchanging, stoic, emotionless. He took both of his hands and fanned them outward towards the counter of food laid out: the beef stew, fried noodles, and beef steaks.
“God damn old man. Food inspector come by and check your place out yet? What is this shit? You leave this out in the open like this? Probably not even warm?”
He stared at Manong as he mouthed the word warm, and while doing so he took his index finger and dipped it into the pan of beef stew, stirred it around for
1…2…3… seconds, lifted it off and stuck his finger in his mouth.
“It’s warm I’ll give you that much, but it’s fuckin disgusting. What the hell is this pig slop” He spat out onto the floor. Manong just continued to stare.
Miguel turned around when he heard the stranger spit on the floor. Something started to boil up inside of him. Anthony sensed this and grabbed him by the forearm, “psst, huy, relax lang pare”
Miguel turned slowly back to his place, torn and feeling helpless. He knew the stranger with the arrogant walk was up to no good. Miguel just kept getting flashbacks in his head about the news report and his conversations with Marcia about Tita Neng in the hospital. What panicked him most among all the ideas and scenarios running through his head was, this was not Anthony King, the suspect that had attacked Tita Neng in the streets. This was someone else completely. The feeling of being trapped and helpless choked him.
In a hushed tone, as if he could read his thoughts, Anthony whispered, “I know brah, but let’s wait. Relax lang. Maybe he’ll leave. Maybe he’s just all talk. Relax, chill”
The stranger sensed movement behind him, looked back with a smirk, then turned his gaze back at Manong. With the same finger that he just licked the stew from, he went and poked at the fried noodles, and began to stir just like he did with the beef stew.
Anthony was still holding on to Miguel’s forearm and as he watched the stranger stir at the noodles, his grip got harder, and sweat started to pour down his forehead.
“Y’all come here, serve this shit,” the stranger talked as he continued to stir the noodles with his finger. “And don’t even have the decency to greet your customers. Where’s the service old man?” His finger pushed deeper into the pan of fried noodles, submerging his knuckles, his palms, then his whole fist.
“You just gonna stare at me old guy? Or you gonna serve me? Or do I gotta serve myself?”
Manong broke his stare, calmly turned around, and grabbed a plate from the back counter, hardly un-phased by the stranger’s words and actions. He turned back around with the plate, grabbed a serving spoon and began to spoon the plate with fried noodles.
The stranger laughed, the arrogance and the cloud of hate that trailed behind began to rise, and fill the room with it’s invisible aura. He looked left, right, looked back at Miguel and Anthony sitting at the table. At this point Miguel had turned around to watch the stranger again so the two of them were now transfixed at the scene.
The stranger smile turned sharply into a grimace. He spun back to face Manong, lifted his hand out of the plate of noodles, and flicked them at Manong’s face. “FUCK. You can’t get the hint can you? I don’t know how you got into this country. But you know what old man?”
The stranger turns around to face Anthony and Miguel, “And this goes for you two pricks as well”
The stranger turns back to face Manong, “stop serving this slop and go back to your fucking country, you mother, fuckin…”.
And with that last word the stranger grabbed hold of another fist full of noodles and smeared them over Manong’s face. 1 second…. 2 second… 3 seconds… 4… seconds… he continued to smear. He pulled back his hand, turned around gave a grim smile to Anthony and Miguel, who were now standing up. Faces full of shock, anger, fear, desperation, anxiety, sadness, a mixture of emotions that kept them frozen in place. Fight or flight, both actions were being cancelled out with too many thoughts, too many countering emotions, too many what if scenarios floating in their heads.
The stranger glared at Anthony and Miguel, “This is what we do to your kind. You’re not welcome here no more,”
The stranger turns around and begins to punch Manong in the face with the same noodle smeared hands.
That was all Miguel could handle. Anthony stood there still in shock, but Miguel rushed over to the stranger and tried to wrestle his punching arm back to stop the barrage of fists landing on Manong’s face.
“Get the fuck off him you prick. Why you gotta go and hit an old man for you fucking piece of shit!”
The stranger had size over Miguel, though Miguel was able to hold back his punches, his other arm was free and strong enough to elbow Miguel hard in the ribs which made Miguel immediately let go.
“You all are everywhere, like god damn roaches”, he spat at Miguel.
Miguel furious took a deep breath and launched himself at the stranger. With no real experience in fighting, all he could do was grab hold of the stranger with a bear hug to the waist, which was unfortunate for Miguel as with the stranger’s reach, he was able to pummel him with both arms. Elbows to the back. Punches to the ribs.
Miguel held on tighter, frustrated, in pain, tears rolling down his face while the stranger continued his barrage of elbows, punches, and insults. Anthony stood frozen mouth gaped, shock and fear rooting him in place.
“You fucking pieces of shit, take every god damn street and store in our country, take every fuckin’ business, and all you do is ruin things for everyone.” The stranger continued to beat down, Miguel’s strength fading, his grip on the stranger loosening as he took multiple punches to the ribs and back.
“You come here with your shit food, your shit way of life, ruining MY country. First you bring drugs, then you bring the fucking virus, then you take all our fuckin money living off our welfare system. I should call immigration on the lot of you. You got papers boy?”
Miguel dropped to his knees. Hurt both physically from barrage of punches and elbows and hurt emotionally from the insults and the slurs that were flung with every hit.
“If you won’t go back to where you came from, I’ll kick you out myself” the stranger smiled. Be balled his hand into one giant fist and raised it high over his head, while his other hand grabbed hold of Miguel’s hair, holding him steady for the final blow.
Both Miguel and Anthony saw the fist raised. They both knew what was coming, but neither could stop it. Miguel was too weak from the beating and Anthony was still too frozen with fear to move. They both thought of Tita Neng in the hospital. Miguel was next. He’ll be in the hospital at St. Josephs with her, that is if he survives the final blow.
At this point, Miguel began to experience what most would describe as the slow motion of the last moments of life. Or at least what he thought would be his last moments. They were filled with dread and fear. He could feel the hatred pouring out of the stranger. How could anyone have so much anger and hatred towards anybody?
The aura of hate filled the room and engulfed him entirely. He felt as if his entire being was becoming smothered and about to be wiped out. He could feel all that hateful energy wrap him like a thick heavy net and the anger collecting into a single point in the stranger’s fist. All that hate bottled up in one fist would be crashing down on him soon. Miguel passed out from exhaustion. Anthony fainted from shock.
And then a darker energy entered the room. Originally it was just the stranger and his anger filling up the space. But then, something else emerged. It was darker than black. It was primal. It was old. And It, was hungry.
…
Miguel and Anthony woke up both groggy un aware of what was going on. It took a few seconds for them to regain their senses. They both assumed they had blacked out, but how?
They sit back. Miguel’s ribs and body ached. Luckily the stranger had only been hitting him in the back and ribs, and not the face.
Wait a minute he thought. The stranger must have hit him in the head, otherwise why would he have blacked out?
But then it occurred to him that his head wasn’t hurting. He did have a headache, but not from a punch to the head. More of a groggy, hung over feeling headache, the type one gets from sleeping in a strange position and getting a stiff neck.
Anthony opens his eyes, how did I black out he thought? Did the stranger go after me after finishing off Miguel? He felt no pain in his body, nothing hurt but his head, but it was the same groggy stiff necked pain that Miguel was experiencing.
“Bro, what the fuck happend” Miguel asked
“Pare I don’t know, pare. Fuck. My head hurts.”
“All I remember was I thought I was done for. I remember thinking that I was either going to see Tita Neng in the hospital or see my dad up in heaven.”
“Bro, I’m sorry I couldn’t step in, I tried, I mean, I wanted to, fuck I dont know I’m so sorry bro”
“It’s alright pare. Ok lang, we’re both ok, somewhat. I dunno. Dude where are we?”
They both looked around. There were green tiled walls with posters of San Miguel Beer, one wall with corner to corner mirror to make the place look bigger, foldable picnic tables draped with thick clear plastic, a TV playing local community news, this time playing the morning weather and traffic report. Hazy sunlight was shining through the tinted glass windows of the front of the restaurant. They were at Robinson’s.
Manong was in front of the kitchen counter with a mop and bucket cleaning the floor. His face, blank, stoic, emotionless. He swished the mop with strong, wide strokes, and when he rung the mop into the bucket, his sinewy arms tightened into coils of hard leather. For an old man, he moved like a teenager, albeit slow and methodical.
“Manong,” Miguel asked
“Ok lang kayo? Anong nangyari ka gabe? Where did that asshole go”
Silence.
Manong did one last swish of the mop into the bucket and wheeled them both back behind the counter and into the kitchen. Miguel and Anthony just looked at each other, confused, baffled, and stiff.
“Dude” Anthony grimaced “Like what the hell happened last night?”
“I don’t know, but I feel like shit right now. Do you think we should go to the police?”
Anthony sat in silence not knowing what to say or do. As he became more and more awake, the memories of the night before became more and more clear, but the gap between now and the moment the stranger was about to hit Miguel in the face was a huge black hole.
“Dude, what time is it?” Miguel asked.
Anthony looked at his phone, “6am”
“Alright, ok so we got 6 hours before clocking in to figure out what we’re going to do”
“Or figure out what happened last night bro”
The kitchen door swung open and Manong walked out with a big tray of food for the carinderia counter. Face emotionless as ever, not even showing signs of strain as he lifted the tray into the heating spot of the counter. After placing the tray in it’s slot, he turned around to the white board menu above the kitchen counter and began wiping the old menu out and replacing it with the days and evenings options.
Meal A
Bisteak and rice + 1 lumpia
Meal B
Pansit canton with beef slices
Meal C
Pork adobo and rice
Special
Lechon Kawali
Glossary of terms:
‘tang ina: short for putang ina. Mother Fucker.
‘pre: short for Pare. Colloquial term for Bro.
Brah: another term for Bro. Evolved from the word Brad.(Br-AH-d) or Brother.
Manong: A term reserved for an older male person. Typically males, family or strangers would be referred to as uncle or Tito. Manong is an older Tito.

I have never posted on reddit before and got the idea while googling last night and thought it was a good idea to process it myself.
First of all, English is not my native languague so I apologize for the spelling and poor grammar. And that this will be a very long post and all over the place with several questions and maybe much unnecessary details and segways, and if nobody see this and it get no responses it is fine. I will save this text and probably go through it many times for myself. (after writing this I feel like I ofcourse would appreciate someone to read this, but not necessary) And im telling this from my point of view and which may be a bit off in what reality was like or I could be completly wrong. Anyways this is what I have been going over in my head constantly since the worst day of my life happend. And i´m not an expert in human behaivour and im not saying that im mostly right or mostly wrong. Many things in this text might sound silly and that its only human to have such attatchment to different small gestures or memories when its personal.
Some backstory first:
So a week and a half ago my family had to go through one of the worst things a family can go through, that is the suicide of a loving, carrying and supporting father.. This came very sudden and even though I had contact with him daily, and to me I never picked up any signs at all prior to the last days, weeks, months or before. And have talked to the other closest to him and they have said the exact same thing. (my mother said tho that he has been complaining that he is old and that it is very hard for him to not be like he has been before, energy wise and that he now is retired, he died just after he turned 69. But I can not tell if that is something she is just saying to give us a reason and sooth our doubts of why)... We, siblings who are really close to our parents would not have guessed it in a million years that it would happen to our family, these things doesn´t happen to us... is how we all have felt.
I don´t know how big part i have in his decision. And i´m only a member of this family, and I know that it possible it didnt revolve around me entirely, but its hard not to blame oneself right now.
First some very basic information about my fathers character, as a tribute. Its imposible to sum up someones character in a post but this is what pops up in my head first when I think of him.
First, some good things I thought of my father, and I don´t mean to make this sound like bragging but this is the way I saw him. You could see hi´s emotions but if you asked how he was you would always get a "it´s fine" always even when you had doubts. He was a very handy man who always had something going for him, he was litteraly the definition of stoic. and I have heard countless and countless of people say the same thing about him all my life. He was successful in his trade, he was a very handy engineer who was BRILLIANT at solving handy-man problems. Had an almost superhuman level of discipline, always projects going on for him (not things that was for himself but for family members and friends who needed help). He was a very successful boxer in hi´s youth and kept training and coaching AND was outworking the majority of 40 year old younger cocky guys with high testosterone levels, even tho he was in his late 60s.
(I would train with him and would sometimes have a bad day, feeling lazy during the boxing session and think, to myself: "FUCK THIS i´m going to do this half-assed today"). I NEVER saw him having that mentality, and we are talking for many years, he always had an attitude to go hard TODAY, every day and to not give up or slack.... He had that reputation in our boxing club and I was so proud to tell the ones who didnt know that he was my dad.
It was baffling how helpful he was to everyone around him, even when there were situations regarding me for example and had nothing to do with him. When I thought it was an unfair situation I would complain to him and say: "fuck this, this is unfair! Im not doing this, they cant expect me to do this work, I will not even get an ounce of appreciation from them, nor would they do this for me, they are taking me for granted!" to him. He would just say: "it might be unfair but, come on, lets do it anyways I will help you" and he never made a big deal about such stuff. And something I often will think about and appreciate is that I have always had an fascination for snakes and other reptiles while my father was TERRFIED of them. At the age of 6 he build an enclosure and bought me a corn snake.
I could go on and on and say so much more great stuff about him and the countless of good memories ive had with him... endurance and hard work was just a tiny bit of his warm personality... but that was how he showed his love mainly, to be needed and help out ALL the time when he could was expected but it was never for granted, never... I praised him with love and helped him no matter what (if he wasent to stubborn to try all by himself first)... he was really my inspiration and my hero in that sense.
But as every human, he had hi´s shortcomings, mainly emotional. He would misinterpret things, would yell often to solve conflicts get very emotional without showing any deep real emotions and in my opinion. He would take things personal and often get involved if anyone around him would argue with each other and if someone would raise their voice he would go off. Even if the argument had nothing to do with him and was not severe at all.
So from a very young age I would process it very weirdly and negativly and had a hard time to understand why he was reacting the way he did. I have some very early memories from my childhood of him yelling and me being very confused. In my adulthood I just accepted that you would not get deeper with him even if you tried and try to make him see it from a different point of view. A fun thing is that in some weird situations I feelt that I was hi´s dad, im much bigger than him so I would kiss him on the head and talk to him like he was a child not mockingly but he understood the humour in it.. And I was so happy that he didnt think it was weird. I know that he appreciated every gesture of gratitude that I showed him, that is one thing im sure. .. But I was mainly sad for him that he could not resolve things in other ways that I for example think is easy and obvious... but did not pity him that he handled his emotions the way he did, I accepted it.. And he was still the best father anyone could ask for. So hi´s flaws were minimal to me and I never had the thought in my life of having another father than him.
Boy this is going to be a long text..
Now some things about me, this is going to be harder to write:
Short about my childhood and how I see myself as a person:
I have always had a very weird self image of myself. Even sinse I was a child ive felt different. Many people might do, but for me I have always had a hard time accepting and often doubting who i´m as a person. I had for a pretty high age the need to be close to my parents, I could very rarely stay at anyones house for a sleep over and for a very long time I would find it very hard not to have my parents sleeping in the same room. I was not afraid of the dark or afraid in that sense, I just wanted to feel that they were present and secure. In a way i´m the complete opposite of how my father was. I have no problems talking about feelings, I might not be good at it or see things in the right or positive way all the time, but for me, opening up is not hard nor something I shy away from. I have lived a very ordinary Swedish, middle class life, no REAL challenges at all.. Except for the ones I have up in my head. I have not accomplished anything special in my youth except for being average. I have no childhood trauma, been average in school with average grades and have had a decent amout of good friends. So I have never been tested, until now.
Adult life:
In my family "everyone have bad days and everyone have good days", that has been the moto. But I started getting deeper depressions which were severe but dissapeard and came back from time to time. I waited until I was around 20 to seek help and talk to a doctor. He and I had a long talk and in the end he asked me if I ever been tested for bipolar disorder. I knew nearly nothing about it but agreed to do an evaluation. The doctors I met came to the conclusion that I probably have bipolar disorder type 2. For many years it went up and down with accepting that i´m bipolar and denying it. The same thing with medication, on and off constantly. And the same with my self image and what I can acomplish in with my life. The fact is and this I can not deny is simply the truth. (and not me hating on myself is... That I have been a spoiled man-child a very big part of my adult life and a slacker).
My parents have had hopes for so long that I would succeed and stand on my own two legs and they have made it as easy as can possibly be for someone to make it! After I graduated from upper secondary school (age 18-19 in Sweden) I had the possibility to move and work in another country, ofcourse I quit and gave up 2 months later and moved back.
After that my parents tried and tried to motivate me to get a job, I did not put any real efforts at all. They paid for me to take a truckers license (around 2-3k euro here in Sweden). I did that, and after that my father hired me to work at his company... I had the constant thoughts from time to time that I was hired only because I was the son of the boss and that I was not qualified on top of other dark thoughts. Other times I was proud of myself and thought that I did an excellent job and that I could do almost anything I put my mind to. And I did not want to make my parents dissapointed so I hung in for 4 years, driving a truck and milling asphalt. It was a job that paid very good money so I could do stuff like buy a very nice apartment with extremly affordable rent. gadgets and furniture and most of all, to pay my bills every month.. which is something to be very grateful for and I have been. I quit the job after 4 years and I don´t even remember my reasoning anymore but I think at the time I had told myself that I could achievie something greater than driving a truck.
After that job I was not longer occupied by work (age 25 now). My CV started to get huge gaps after this and my behaviour and madness started to amplifie. And this has basically being my last 6 years:
I started to more frequently focus on the wrong things and was battling with the thoughts of not being good enough to even exist in between of that greatness was soon to come. I have a very hard time prioritizing the right things in the right order or doing it in a healthy or balanced way... Because when I get interested in something I almost always go manic and obsessed by it until the motivation dies out. I then quit and later the process starts over again, like Sisyphus. For example, that my poor self image has alot to do with my looks and how I see myself. I have gained and lost close or more than 400 pounds the last 10 years and I have never been severly obese so it has not been a one time loss. It has been a several times almost alwayys 20-50 pounds up and down at a time. (funny thing ive heard several times from people I havent met in a while is, that they wonder which version of me is going to show up)
So basically when I get depressed I eat myself up to a weight where I hate myself and when I´m manic or just having a positive perspective on life I prioritizing on losing it and go extreme until the cycle repeats itself. Other unhealthy behaviour has been, steroid use and tattooing almost my whole body (with money that I have leeched from my parents mostly). Last but the most painful bad habit I have had that is is that I have been unfaitful countless of times on women that has shown me nothing but love to me and been with me and supported me while I have been depressed... but as soon as I get out of it, get in shape and start seeing myself as good enough I seek validation from several women at the time... And the sad part is that I don´t have any guilt for it when it happens, i have emencly guilt after its done. I make it justifiable in my head that i´m either not worth the emotions of lovers so it doesn´t matter or tell myself that they are probably doing the same thing against me.
During these periods of time I have had several low income jobs that I have taken just to sooth my parents anxiousness and worry about me. But ofcourse after a while I make up something very silly and minor which i decide on in a second in my head and quit. Maybe blame my bipolar or that i´m very soon is going for something better, which never happens.
And during my unemployment I have had my parents pay my bills, feed me and survive, like a leech.. I have justified it and trully believed that change is coming.. And something so sad that I trully know is that they have believied in me to pull it together and finally do it. (It has not feelt like many years but the economic support has been very serious and large.) That is the one thing I have been convinced... They have told me countless and countless of times that "things are going to get better now, we are going to do allright and that the money is the least of our worries and that they never even think about it." Which I go back and forth with doubt and belief.
Now, to the day my father died, on the 26th of april. I had recently completed a 15 week speed course (wow 15 whole weeks of dedication and showing up every day, impressive) to apply for a specific job as a industry worker (which i never really wanted to work with but if someone asked: I was stooked about it). The hiring proccess with all honestly had been delayed a bit but I was convinced that I was going to start work as soon as any day now. And I was actually going to give it a honest shot and fight this time to make it work I had told myself... I don´t know if my parents thought I was lying and that I was just stalling in order to tell them eventually that I was not getting the job, I have no idea...
So unemployed me was just slacking at home on a work day as usual.
Bad timing, a couple of days before: (Just so to happen was that I had been having a stomach issue which had been really bothering me for a long time, I had been been delaying to check up on it but was finally convinced to go to the emergency room as it had gotten much worse. I was not at all worried myself, sure I had been feeling like shit but I thought it would be nothing serious... And I was annoyed that I had to go... Ofcourse I asked my father for a ride and he drove me there, he had this strange worrying look that is not like him. I didn´t ask if he was worried about me or so but I got a weird feeling and I feelt happy to get the confirmation that he cares about me and didnt think I was exaggerating it. He told me to call him when I was free to leave the hospital. The doctor believied that I had stomach ulcer, and possible something else that needs further testing. he wanted me to see an expert and I got an IV and that was that. Quick proccess and nothing too serious. Ofcourse my father picked me up and drove me home again, like always would do if you asked him. We had an ordinary ride home just talking casually.) Later that night I told them that I was exhausted from this and barely could get any sleep..
They offered to bring some grosseriess to my apartment and visit me friday, a couple of days later and help me out a bit to tidy the apartment up and so on... We agreed that they they could arrive at 11 in the morning and I had slept horribly the night before. So I called them long in advance and told them that it was not necessary for them to come and visit. I don´t think I explained that I was just exhausted and I felt irritated when they innsisted to come visit me anyways. I had been sick for a while, but not for so long that my apartment was in the state it was, in my eyes and standards it was not bad but I knew that in my mothers eyes I was almost living in a hoarders home with filth all around me. My mother is very pedantic and takes it very seriously that it looks presenteble. I had this scenario happen to me many times before and when its been much worse. When they come and check on me randomly and that my mother feels like SHE can´t leave until it looks good, for me I have always thought its been hilarious that SHE takes such offense even when it doesnt look that bad. But this time I was angry and irritated just the thought of her precence.
I thought like many times before "that i´m a 30 year old man and will have a fight with one grown adult over a messy apartment and when I get angry over how serious such a silly thing is going to escalate to for then the other one to jump in and get angry and involved because im upset and raising my voice or saying something unneccesary, which he will do as well and will not be able to even comprehend that he is angry and yelling aswell at me now". I could have done some cleaning easily I had plenty of time, I could have changed my mindset and avoided everything. It was not in the state of a hoarders house but for my mother it was almost. But I chose to embrace the in my mind pointless drama that was to come and I was already in a bad mood.
And was preparing lines in my head like "do you live here or do i?" and ridicul her for her taking it so seriously... Even tho I know that she is doing me a favour and helping me out, its a act of kindness. But in my mind she is making me so small making me feel like she is having her disabled fully adult grown son with the cleaning who cant do anything right.
They arrived, she discovered a half decaying piece of chicken and some other nasty stuff in my fridge, some unwashed dishes and that the floors hadent been vaccumed in a good while. Everything would have been done in 25mins max if I just helped. But I chose to tell her that she can take the kitchen but dont enter the bathroom nor the bedroom... It was irritation from both parties from the begining, I told them that I know how it looks, please lets not argue, she went to the fridge and that small thing as a sigh had me over react, she had pulled out a piece of chicken gone bad and showed it to me like it was the worst thing she have seen in 60 years (atleast that was how i saw it). I just grabbed it with my hands while I searched for a garbage bag. My father reacted to that directly and a bit angerly and was so chocked that I grabbed a piece of rotten chicken with my bare hands. Then I let her do her thing and I went to my bedroom and closed the door. Something that I reacted to very strongly is that my mother ordered my father to vaccum my living room floors. I feelt so bad about that I feelt shame, but I didnt tell him that I could do it I just wanted them to leave as soon as possible. I think he really feelt that I didnt want him to do this and for him I dont think the messy apartment was a big deal at all. He discovered that the vaccum cleaning bag had been broken and I was out of them. I was glad because I knew that he would offer to go to a store and buy new ones, which he did. I wanted him to get away
I was the one who started to fight more intensly and when my mother entered my bedroom and started to re-arrange and sort out my computer desk, I overreacted (there is a trend of that) and told her to leave, it escalated more and more and we brought up other stuff that didnt have to do with this silly situation and just in time my father came back and he joined in and we started yelling and arguing... I dont even remember much what I said or he said, but I pointed out that my father had yelled at their little 4 pounds lapdog that they had brought with them how stupid it was to yell to a dog to stop shivvering and moaning (she was afraid of the situation and is very easily scared when in unfimiliar places) and he got embarassed. and other things to try to hurt his feelings like our relationship about me and him, and our bond. When the argument gets to the worst it can get I usually would say things like "how much of a failure im to him and how dissapointed he is in me, and that I can feel it and see it in his eyes." I have never said anything about him that HE is as a bad parent or that I would not love him or respect him as a father ever in my life. While he would say the same thing that "he is the worst parent and that he is worthless and a failure". So we both would attack each other with the same things because it hurts the most I think. After that they would not leave yet so I just randomly got the idea that I had a bottle of wine in my fridge, which i took and was "going to drink in my loneliness". I have not had a drop of alcohol in 2024 and I would not do such a stupid thing to upset my ill stomach. It was a random thought I had in the moment and expected them to call my bluff or dont care at all. But I got a reaction from my father that I did not expect, he got so so mad and upset and he grabbed me and I could see the rage in his eyes while he screamed "are you a fucking alcholic now aswell?" and tried to take the bottle away from me. I did not care about that bottle but I resisted just because. we got very physical, I was sitting in my computer chair while he was grabbing and trying to get that bottle like it was the most important thing ever, that was how upset he was, and I was aswell. The strange thing is that my parents really should know that I dont drink alcohol anymore because I have been taking my fitness goals very seriously the whole year. I did not even care about the bottle, I would most certainly poured it out myself when they left if this wouldnt happen. He got ahold of it at last, stormed out of my bedroom without saying a word, i shut the door and I could hear how he poured it out in the sink and they left, both of us without saying anything else.
I was convinced and was 100% sure, no doubt in my mind at all that both of them was thinking just like me, how laughibly silly that was... Because instantly after that they left, I could even have ran out and stopped them before they drove away from my apartment and say how sorry I was, but I thought that lets cool down a bit its no rush... and would never think in a million year even think how it would turn out... I was feeling ashame and guilt instantly over how unneccessary it was and how immature I was, and how they were aswell. I was not upset or blaming my parents at all for it I just thought it was typical us.. I didnt think of the arguement I feelt most shame that my mother just wanted to help me out a bit and I had to escalate it as often happen..
when we have had fights we always made sure to talk about it nothing deep or how to maturely take up conflicts next time but say sorry and really mean it.. this was a tiny, tiny little arguement that I have had much much worse with my parents for 30 years.. And it was usually my father who had the humour to joke about it how it is some fucked up gene that runs in our family and that it most be from my mothers side.. and how lucky other families are that are normal and never fight and doenst have severe problems as we have...
I waited less than 2 hours before i sent this text to my mother exact words, it was just random I could have just aswell called my father or my mother it was just the timing this time:
I wrote:
I feel so really really bad about my behaviour today....
She responded:
Don´t even think about it anymore. We will always want the best for you, and you know it deep inside that it is true.
After that, I had no thought about the chaotic morning, just that I got the idea and would call them the next day and invite them back again and joke that "they will just have to buy me some stuff on the way before they come to get invited". And then I would probably take it even further and actually send them a list with nonsensical items and pretend to yell on them when they actually arrive without them.
But that did not happen, a police woman called me at 9 o clock at night and told me that my father was dead. And I could not comprehend it, even more when my mother told me that he had hung himself. Before this I had only lost my grandfather to old age and he had been smoking sinse he was 10 and he assured me that he was in peace so I feelt no real sorrow on that funeral. So now I know the unbearable feeling of losing someone that you loved and I wish nobody this feeling ever, but sadly it happens. He did not leave a note and I never got to say good-bye or know why he did it.
My mother has processed this unbeliavble well, atleast she shows that she is strong to us kids, even my sisters are strong even tho we all grief. But I have not shown strength, I have had been rushed to the pshyciatric emergency clinic 3 times in hope of a bit or relief but I feel better when i´m alone, and I know that my sisters are taking care of my mother and that I don´t have to worry about her safety.
It´s a very weird feeling because now it feels like nothing can ever bother me again, every little problem and anxiety or worry feels like it will not even make a dent. I hope so for the future atleast.
I have taken this very badly and seek temporarly numbness, the psychatric wards are refusing to prescribe stronger pills due to my history as bipolar, or that is not the whole reason they say but they offer me anti anxious non addictive weak pills that I have been taken for a decade now and even in the past it havent helped me enough or very very little. I told them that it was like throwing a cup of water at a massive burning building. The ironic thing is that we argued about alcohol the last thing we did, which I did not drink, and now because I want to numb myself even for the small temporary moments it helps so I have been drinking every day and night sinse it happend. And I had money to pay for my rent and such, and my mother knows it.. So it´s funny how I have and will blow all my money on alcohol now... but! I will refuse to take a single dollar from her from now. But better times will come, in honour of my father.

Hey fellow leaf owners, I wondered if anyone has had a similar issue to one I've been having lately.
It started last september with a flat 12V battery - it was the original battery so I was not surprised when it died - just annoying to have it happen when parked away from home.
The battery was replaced by AA mobile service and all went well until about a month ago. At that point the car dropped into neutral as i was driving through a busy intersection and i managed to pull up on the other side with hazards on and no drive power. The dash was obviously lit up like a christmas tree with a message sometimes flashing on other times not that said it was a T/M malfunction. Cool. AA callout again, they checked the 12V immediately, removed a terminal counted to 10 and then replaced it. Car reset and was totally fine.
We got the 12V checked out and by AA and they said maybe a faulty cell, but get your service peeps to do a diag on it. Service peeps said nah its fine. ok then, drive on.
This week, we can no longer drive the car without the same issue occurring once or twice a drive. Stuck on the motorway in neutral, stuck on a city street in neutral, etc etc... you get the point.
We just got the battery replaced today by our service centre after the old (only 6 months old) was showing massive signs of degradation. Sweet, i thought, its done! Fixed and off we go. 2km up the road - Neutral, christmas tree, ding dings going off. aAaaaargh
I popped the bonnet in traffic and pulled the negative terminal connector off our shiny new battery, counted to 10 and popped it back on. Success and drove it back to the service which is where it sits at this time.
What the hell is going on? Is the collective NZ EV brain able to dig up any past experiences to give us a steer on this issue at all?
NB - The drive battery seems totally unaffected by this, and keeps its charge. Main battery is anywhere between 30 and 85% SOC each time this has happend, the car is sitting on roughly 79% SOH, and is the 24kW G model.
​

Chapter 1113 nailed it for me. tl;dr: I think that Bonney got an (aritficial/extract) devil fruit trying to replicate the Nika fruit. And as a wild extra (very far fetched) it might be that artificial devil fruits/powers are also based on Nika's power.

First the facts

It's said she has the age age fruit. The thing is that looking at it precisely, it is assumed she ate the age age fruit:
https://preview.redd.it/nfr4sx55rzwc1.png?width=485&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9a0aac8d7e32369eabe0d58600f91f46682444d
The fruit itself has never been shown nor seen. I she puts her mind together and believes that she can grow older (or younger altering her age), she can do it. This is very important. This ability, btw isn't unqiue. There is another person we know who at least can turn older and back to his usual self:
https://preview.redd.it/ynneij7s20xc1.png?width=129&format=png&auto=webp&s=48446d729587c2358927f5391ea1b34214b94619
It's Luffy's Nika (comic/will) power. If he is tired or hungry or thinks he is - he turns old. Back then with other gears it made it shrink we know by now that Luffys power is tied to his imagination and believe and if he thinks it works like that it will work like that.
But that alone hasn't been enough to made me think there is something strange going on with Bonney.

Why there is something off with Bonneys power

The first time I thought something is really off here was this scene (maybe one before):
https://preview.redd.it/5yx345ji30xc1.png?width=849&format=png&auto=webp&s=55c9c42d1f7dbbb0b262c7cff665f81e8c8183f2
Bonney suddenly using Nika powers. I was like. Eh? Distorted future? What the hell Oda? Ok if she believes in a future where she has Nikas powers she can use that and grow into that... eh. Ok that's quited farfetched from "age age" being able to alter ones own or peoples age. I didn't put too much attention to this panel back on release:
https://preview.redd.it/x64hyt1w30xc1.png?width=486&format=png&auto=webp&s=e335e6cd4cff231f83e6875e7a7652b887e6bdb0
Obviously, still thinking she has the age age fruit, this was read, digested and accepted. Ok fine. But thinking about it that's very similar to how Luffy's power works. As long as she believes in something, she can do it. That's what he means with "more you know of reality". He talks about future possibilites like if Bonney thinks that she might get Nikas power in the future she can have it or if there is the reality at least. Which also means that if that future isn't available then it's not possible. Then she learned about Luffy having that power.
https://preview.redd.it/n87b24tq40xc1.png?width=962&format=png&auto=webp&s=0d91b686929d7270b8861a2f30e67bcae92b6974
Now she knows reality. Luffy has that power. Luffy even shows it to her.
https://preview.redd.it/7o2t35tx40xc1.png?width=1411&format=png&auto=webp&s=1abb7ed7c7c9a2a1adcca8b73059cec813c36efa
So here we are. Now Bonney knows of reality and according to Saturn this possiblity is now gone. But to be honest didn't think about that when I read this part first. The last thing which was finally too much for me was this scene, Bonney turning into a giant.
https://preview.redd.it/prtz7q9i50xc1.png?width=925&format=png&auto=webp&s=d52f82f6f2fade2e935fea2137bdbc775d4116af
Giant-ish future? Age age fruit as if. Now that's too much. No matter what happens if she grows older or younger by no means she can just turn into a giant by again. That's exactly the same stuff Luffy does. She belives she can turn into a giant? She freakin does. These are Nika powers!

More facts pointing to Bonney actually having a part of Nika's power

And there is more which can't be explained by aging. Ok she can change the age of other people around here. And tbh, Luffy could probably do this to because he can do even more ridiculous thing to people or the environment like popping their eyes out or even jumping out out their eyes or streching things and people. Guess what. Bonney can also do that.
https://preview.redd.it/31otf4ba60xc1.png?width=890&format=png&auto=webp&s=d66a7c5cbee4e38d2397aef75a036523a08d3965
She can punch&strech persons and make things pop out. Well where do we have seen this before?
https://preview.redd.it/d5fjp2vk60xc1.png?width=825&format=png&auto=webp&s=d08c72f20858e8b66c9220bdf9315f72d09c9705
Yep.
Also let's think about how Bonney got her powers. Let's look at this scene again:
https://preview.redd.it/e8a300ds60xc1.png?width=910&format=png&auto=webp&s=ad4ac8738a9490f0c697be6c39521f343ff54fd9
Saturn be like: Nika?!
And the exact next panel afterwards.
https://preview.redd.it/54f05p9x60xc1.png?width=360&format=png&auto=webp&s=60d97b2a1c5c81a1b0e75cac9a8e93f2b32de2bf
The moment he saw Nika's power Saturn realized that Bonney is "his daugther". He realized that not because of her changing her age but using Nika's power! That's huge. What else does he say:
https://preview.redd.it/l8dtr9h870xc1.png?width=245&format=png&auto=webp&s=04787eb66c5e447606cd6ba48e49372bf255c6d7
He has given that power to Bonney as an experiment! That's what he realized the moment he saw Nika's power being used. The power to turn imagination into reality. To confirm that:
https://preview.redd.it/81pj687i70xc1.png?width=869&format=png&auto=webp&s=54802c25f21009607092da6059b43e343e350ac9
Oda couldn't have been more obvious to be honest. Also very interesting is that he mentions "such a shame". His experiment was a failure.
https://preview.redd.it/h2n37rvq70xc1.png?width=641&format=png&auto=webp&s=ad3f81f192d33c3facafd5c228e3467b3db0d397
The failure was that the fruit itself hasn't worked like he wanted to.
Btw there are 2 known cases of Sapphire Scales disease. It's non contagious, unknown origin. We know that the Smile Fruits can have a bad side effect (more on this later, that's really wild). It could be that the Sapphire Scales are the side effect of Saturns experiments to create artificial devil fruits, especially the Nika fruit. Why would he want that? The same reason pacifista exist. To create a powerful army to control the world.
It just makes sense that Ginny was one of his experiments and completely failed developing no power at all but just scales and dies. And the only person known to cure that disease is the most knowledgeable person about Devil Fruits known to be able to almost perfectly recreate powers.
I am 100% conviced now that Bonney doesn't have the age age fruit but something with Nika's power as a result of an experiment from Saturn maybe (known or unknown) with the help of Vegapunk.

Now something even more wild

More I noticed but that's more far fetched but actually fits very well.
https://preview.redd.it/3gqo0qtaa0xc1.png?width=834&format=png&auto=webp&s=eae4ef68cd94a37f4f9ed58c5e6a9d464c9019d4
"It's a good thing the weapon she grabbed happend to be a failure oh speaking of which" and then he asks about Momo, the other devil fruit he tried to replicate which he also labels as failure because he is pink. The obvious weapon in that panel is the light beam Bonney used but isn't it strange. That weapon worked. It just didn't kill. Maybe with weapon she grabbed he referred to Bonney having an artificial DF which is a failure and thus the reason Saturn didn't turn her into a human weapon but just tossed her away.
Also something more, that's the real wild stuff. We know that the other attempt to re-create powers are the smile fruits.
https://preview.redd.it/ugtxw8bhb0xc1.png?width=875&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b46a4249dbaaa9eacac708fc4f4d70375e08cca
https://preview.redd.it/3h7bp0sib0xc1.png?width=488&format=png&auto=webp&s=34e0e4a2a7bb7579e57c284bb37a2eabac2c33f8
https://preview.redd.it/agvat5qkb0xc1.png?width=406&format=png&auto=webp&s=4301eaae57aae8bd0e21d7df214ee7f79b405fcd
https://preview.redd.it/hz4n3kcmb0xc1.png?width=434&format=png&auto=webp&s=0234d727d891f07fd3d286fa5e0eaaa2178e2ea0
When talking about Smiles and Aritifical DFs the Nika fruit is shown and Vegapunk says that only Zoans can be artifically made. Only Zoans. But his creations have paramecia powers!
He also says Caesar's Smiles are ridiculous just like... a certain ridiculous power. On top of that the side effect of smile fruits is that if the people can't manifest a power they can only laugh. Laugh like the side effect of the Nika fruit. Maybe the creation process for powers is based on Nika's power being able to manifest whatever power as long as the user believes in it. Wild theory but I think it makes sense and thus would explain how he re-created paramecia powers for Pacifista. They got some partly Nika power and then were programmed in a way to believe/use whatever power he wants them to have. Crazy stuff.
It totally makes sense that some kind of artifical df (or gene therapy) trying to give Nika's power to people makes them laughing as side effect. And for me it also seems connected that some other way to manifest that power or suppress that laughing leads to people getting Sapphire Scales which gives them a problem with the sun the thing Sun God Nika is named after. I believe in Oda that this is not something random but actually connected.
It might even be that Imu/Saturn keep the giant frozen straw hat because it has some DNA of the first joyboy and they use that as a base for their DNA experiments with artificial devil fruit powers.
https://preview.redd.it/1ygcux5mc0xc1.png?width=1427&format=png&auto=webp&s=34710afa40fd00c0ef71eaf89aadfb29d1b0f637

Decided recently to start posting here as I have so many stories worth telling about my father's crazy antics and I decided to stsrt with this one. This happend back during one of the last decent hurricanes cant remember which one but was a few years ago
Get ready cause it's a long one.
So We had a leak in the roof of our house for most the summer this particular year and my father as usual decided to put it off until it starts to rain more (cause light water damage is nothing right lol) wake up the morning of to him hollering about a storm and that I needed to come hold the ladder for him. Confused and half asleep I got up and went outside to help him. He explained to me that a big storm was coming and we needed to deal with the leak cause that much rain is not gonna be good getting inside. So He explains the plan as to how we're gonna do that. We are going to take a little 8x10 tarp and use some old penny nails to nail it to the roof that way the water will hit the tarp and roll off.
I try to explain to him how that's not gonna work unless the tarp is sealed around the edges, that water is just gonna roll from higher up the roof inbetween it and your also putting a bunch of holes into an already leaking roof b4 biggest storm of the year.
Mannnn we weren't doing it any other way!! He was so positive it'd work that at the very minimum it'd atleast help mitigate some of the water if it wasnt a complete success. After about 15 minutes of trying to change his mind I gave up and spent the next hour holding a rickety ladder while he put about 40 nails into the roof tarp. After he was satisfied with his work almost on cue storm hits and its raining out the a*s!! I mean it was raining hard, so we rush inside leave the ladder standing up n everything get dried off and he decides its time to go into the attic to see his handiwork and how great it worked
This man was so proud expecting it to all be exactly how he said it'd be. Sure enough as I said it'd be tho there was a stream of water pouring outta every single nail hole he put in that roof. It looked like somthing straight outta looney tunes like a sprinkler!! His brain completely short circuited he just stood there in a daze next thing u know mama is yelling from downstairs there's water coming through the walls directly below us!! (Not suprised really) knowing he's now made it even worse He then finnaly snaps back immediately driving uptown without saying a word in a storm to the dollar store and buys 6 giant aluminum turkey pans to use as drip pans. Gets back inside and tells ME "Your gonna have to sit up tonight with these and keep emptying them out as they fill up (to put it into perspective I had to dump all six of them every 10 minutes) I said hell no and he can if he wants to and his response is "I can't I have to work tomorrow" yea so do I!? Why am I being put to the task when I said this would happen to begin with?? But as usual he wouldn't budge so I spent a good 2 hours watching pan's fill and dumping em in the toilet..
Until I had an idea!
I remembered the flex seal commercials with dude always saying it works even when wet. What if I filled the nail holes with flex seal!! then I think where tf am I gonna get flex seal during a hurricane... The dollar store, the mfing dollar store!! I rush downstairs don't even try explaining my plan to my father as he'd just say it was dumb I'm sure n not help so I said "I'll only keep doing this for you if you go back up town and get me some flex seal for my fish tank hobby" doesn't know what it is but if that's all it takes yea that's fair, I didn't even know if they sold it but it was the best idea I had and he clearly aint scared of riding in the storm. He brings home a can of flex seal rubber and when I say thru some kinda miracle and about 30 minutes of filling holes I had done it, I had managed to fix every single leak. I went downstairs to let them know and not only did they flat out not beleive me they were actually mad at me for not telling them I was gonna try to fix it. I told mama to go look at the wall that wasn't leaking water anymore and told pops to come upstairs and showed him how I had did it. He started laughing at how crudely (yet effectively) I had fixed it and was happy it was fixed regardless.
BUT!! As you would expect from a boomer
No Good Job!, no nice work!, No thank you!
Nothing!! except him telling me better ways I could have done it and that how it wouldn't be fixed at all had he not drove up there to get the Flux Rubber
So not only cause the problem but take credit for the fix someone else came up with. It's some of the most bonkers sh*t I've ever experienced in a 4hr period iml. Phil Swift really came in clutch for me that day and I cant thank him enough. As more memories of my fathers insane antics come back to me I'll try and post them here. Until then hope yall got a good read outta a crazy day dealing with a crazy boomer!!
Fyi I love my Father to death but the man is just too damn stubborn for his own good, when pride comes before logic and common sense you have some serious issues you need to deal with.

Honestly I had hope when hearing about this recently had happend and I've returned to game , I'm a 100% controller player even on any pc game so this news was great as it's mainly why I stopped playing back then.
Two options they've made have serious issues I could made a better layout in 5minutes than what these have done in years or how ever long games been out now if they think console players will like either these two options they got a very bad day coming to them if or when it releases on console
Default: this layout no matter how many times u stand there trying to press the 3rd weapon ability which is L1&R1 it won't activate it if either the first or 2nd skill is available still it only works when both skills are on cd.. I've stood there ages spamming it at perfect time on my ps5 pad and it's infuriating especially in OPR. Which leads to the most annoying decision they've made which unfortunately is on both two options . Square button not only is your E which does everything like open chests etc etc but for some reason is your interact with players and when your in a huge group trying to click on chest on a farm run and all you keep getting is player option to direct message etc pop up it's so annoying
Melee: for some unknown bozo brain they thought using R1 key down and pressing either square triangle and circle would feel great in combat it don't why on earth if you was going to do that pattern wouldn't you just allow R2 to be held down and press either them buttons . You can't light or heavy whilst doing any three skills for weapon anyway .. how bad can you be to think these are good or comfy you've obviously not tested them properly
It's pretty simple. L1 hold down plus other keys does the trivia stuff , R1 hold down plus keys does other stuff but combat needs feel smooth
D pad = all 4 consumables
Left thumb sick click = crouch
Right thumbstick = dodgeroll
Square= weapon slot 1
Triangle = weapon slot 2
Circle = weapon. Slot 3
X = jump
L1 tap = switch weapon
R1 tap = heartrune primed
Everything that is silly and related to music or too emotes etc etc can be on wheels by holding down L1 or R1 ..
It ain't rocket science and you better get an actually controller player involved on doing the right layout for console or itl die fast

Hey guys, can I ask your opinion as to wether my ex's is now regretting leaving me or if she's bat shit crazy!
TLDR: wife decided to delete my existence from her life and is now clinging on to things now I'm clearly moving on.
I've been apart from who I thought I was spending the rest of my life with since Feb 27th of this year now.
This all started November of 2022, we had been together for a year and half at this point, and living together for a year of that. Basically our tenancy agreement was due to expire and without talking to me about whether or not to renew she contacted the letting agent and agreed to end it after the year.
Me being me when I found out a week later spoke to her about it but going along with her as I kinda agreed on her reasoning why (I had proposed in Oct and moving out to my parents rent free would make saving for wedding alot easier) and to avoid the grief I just wanted to be where ever she was. This I knew was a bad idea tho which I did stress to her as I don't get along with my father and had moved out of my home town to get away from myself (left town because I am an addict and after rehab didn't want to be around temptation) We moved out end of the same month and for first month everything was fine but as she fell back into working extra shifts at the local pub I would end up meeting her their and we both started drinking to much. Fast forward to June 2023 and we get married and are both beaming with happiness looking forward to the rest of our lives. The next 2 months however we're a struggle. July I didn't get paid and had to get by on just her wages and August any spare money was used paying back anything I had borrowed the previous month. September I had to get a second job as we found a new flat to move into and need extra wages to get deposit and first months rent together. We ended up spending less time together as by time I finished both jobs she'd be in bed. This became the norm over next couple of months, By the time Christmas rolled around I booked us a weekend away as we had yet to even have a honeymoon. It was a lovely weekend until we came to leave we couldn't find one of her earrings and it resulted in an argument both lashing out at each other. We didn't really speak properly for the next week but then found ourselves resolving this and things fell back to the same boring routine. Come Feb 27th when all this madness began properly, we had been for a meal the night before and had decided to go cinema the next day instead. The film I can't even remember what it was but basically I fell asleep as tired from working so much. Wen she woke me as the credits started I asked what happend at the end as I did see the majority of the film. With this she shouted in a special person voice "if you hadn't fallen asleep you'd know". This annoyed me as she knows I've been working my arse off to provide everything for us. Instead of escalating things I walked away, admittedly was probably more of a storm off but the better option. I get out side of the cinema and start to walk home (we only live 5 mins away by foot) it is absolutely pissing it down and with in 30 secs I was soaked. I put my hands in my pockets to realise I don't have my keys and would need to wait for my wife and make sure she is coming home. I turn around and can see her slowly exiting the cinema filming a snap ranting about me I shouted hurry up it's pissing, she looked up at me didn't respond and carried on talking to her phone. I walked towards her shouting come on and if not coming to give me keys so I can get in the house. The response I got was ill be home when I'm ready and that she weren't giving me "her" key. By now I was stood next to her stating that wasn't fair as I can't get in otherwise again was stated it was not her problem. What happened next I hold my hands up to being in the wrong but is main reason all this happened. At this point in the altercation I was drenched and just wanted to go home, I tried to put my hand in the pocket of her jacket I knew the keys were in and she shoved me into the road nearly falling down the kerb. I then grabbed the shoulder of her jacket and shout fucking come on I just wanna come home. She then screams at the top of her voice Help and and member of the public screamed let her go and ran towards us. I did and my shouted at me to fuck off and walked off with the bloke. I went home and sat on the doorstep as by this point my phone was also dead. Couple of hours later a police car pulled up and I got arrested for common assault and taken to cells. Next morning interviewed and released with bail restrictions of not being allowed home or on my road and not to contact my wife directly or indirectly. To which I complied with week later get an email stating she had cancelled tenancy on our flat. Cancelled our joint accounts blocked me on every social media site etc, changed her name back to maiden and status online to single. Come April 10 th I walked down the road next to mine and saw her for the first time in 6 weeks and stupidly shouted I love you and carried on walking. The next day I got a call from my friend who works in local hotel saying police were looking for me as I had stayed their a few time since being made homeless. I went to the police station to find out why as assumed I'd done nothing wrong, unfortunately I got arrested for stalking on the spot and taken to cells again. That evening I got interviewed about the stalking which was found NFA as not true and no evidence, but she also told them I shouted I love you at her which was breach of bail. I was then remanded over night at put Infront of court to face the common assault charge. Please guilty and got released on bail again. Since then I've sorted myself a flat, got into shape and stopped wallowing in sorrow of heartbreak. I had no choice in being abandoned by the love of my life, the one who said in sickness in health for better or worse but clearly didn't mean a word of it. My life was basically ripped out from underneath me. Last 2 weeks I've wanted to get on with life so have been trying to get my stuff back through a mediator and police but everything I've suggested or tried she's not interested holding all my valuable stuff to ransom. I have proof of purchase but she's not willing to listen. Everything she's done, posted or said to ppl has been to try and make me bite and retaliate but that would do me no favour. Been clean lying about what happened made out I beat shit out of her, she's been threatening me directly and through others. If she genuinely wanted to leave me and has moved on why won't she just give me my stuff and I'll give her hers and go out separate ways. Literally everyday a post of a shitty quote aimed me pops up on FB or insta.
Like seriously I was wrong I know this and held my hands up but why the fuck say I do and not mean it, then cut me off entirely like I don't exist it's been 2 n bit months since I spoke to her and I don't think she wants to move on. I just need to understand where I stand and wtf is going on. I've had no closesure or anything I did want to talk to her and find out wtf but now I just want her to fuck off.
Opinions/advice?

Hello everybody,
Thanks for reading this. This is about me (M34) and my GF (F32), both born and raised in Germany. With your help, I'm trying to find out if my GF (F32) is a pathological liar or if I am paranoid. I will give you a bit of background information and the stories that have been told by her. This is going to be a long post, and it took a lot of effort to get it out. Thanks for taking the time.
A bit of background information:
(F32) Single mom with a daughter of 9 years, finally got her diploma in 2021, got a well-paid job now, no alcohol or drugs, got a car, got her sh*t together, wants family life.
Me (M34) Let's just say I'm not a catch: no car, Broke 365, weed habit, shitty education, minimum wage jobs with periods of unemployment, earning a bit extra by doing some freelance jobs on the side, and trying to get a better job by doing so. Frustrated a lot and getting worse since the lockdown times.
Me (M34) and GF (F32) have first been meeting a few times since September 2020.
October 18 and 19/2020, she (F32) stayed over at my (M34) place, few days later she said kinda feels weird and about 2 weeks later she had done two pregnancy tests that both came out positive.
Nov. 10/2020 she (F32) went to the doctor and doctor said it's going to be twins. The night of Nov. 12 she had lost blood, went to the doctor again in the morning and doctor said the twins are probably not gonna be born. Nov. 16/2020 she been there again and doctor confirmed she had lost them. She said she was with nobody else before that and I can only be me.
I said I'd be there for you, but I kind of regret what I had done, to be honest. Still, I understood the situation and was there for her. I didn't leave her alone with that. She said she wouldn't get an abortion but then lost them in the first 3 weeks. She said it's quite normal for that to happen with twins; there is a big chance of losing them.
That kind of bonded us into getting serious, and I never doubted that she had not been pregnant, since we've been going to her doctor and I've been waiting outside etc.
Actual proof, like on paper, I never saw, though she sent me a picture of the pregnancy test, which was enough for me, and one night she said she just lost them after going to the toilet.
After that, we got more serious, and we were together almost daily.
Still I have been having growing trust issues about her other stories that she has told me about since 2020. Especially about her past but also recent ones. (Listed down below) She is a shy character, but sometimes I feel she switches from introvert to extrovert and starts busting out sotries to make herself more important (imo), and I will give you examples down below:
Scenario #1: The Drug Past
(F32) The first time she brought it up was before we got serious. We were texting for some time and getting to know each other, and over time I kept asking more in detail, but I will stitch it together here for better reading.
We were talking about our childhood and youth:
Me:.... growing up, they made everyone from my grandma's neighborhood go to special education school; therefore, my dad, uncles, and older cousins couldn't read or write. I went to a normal school (right next to it). In my Grandmas Neighbourhood, which was a housing project there were some sketchy characters ex drug addicts, drunks, my uncle still living there was smoking lots of hash and my dad was drunk gettin in fights.
Her: Ok, I have been hanging around a bad crowd of people in my youth.
Me: What kind of people? What did you do?
Her: Well, you probably know my town is a big drug-trafficking area in Germany because it's connected to many big cities.
Me: Really that small town with 20,000 people? I didn't know that.
Her: Yes, it's known. I had been with some bad older youths, and I tried to fit in.
Me: I thought you grew up in a small village?
Her: Yes but the town was only a few kilometers away.
Me: Ok, and how did you end up in that?
Her: My older cousin at the time brought me to the youth center, and there I met some older people who were doing drugs and alcohol.
Me: Ok, how old were you and your cousin?
Her: I was 9, and my cousin was older; he was 14.
Me: Okay, and then you were hanging around with older people doing what?
Her: They were just way older and doing drugs and alcohol, and one time I found heroin in my backpack.
Me: What? Heroin? Why was it in your backpack?
Her: They recruited kids from the neighborhood who were under 14 because they didn't have to fear legal consequences. They were threatening me, so it happened to many of them and is still happening.
Me: So they were making you do this?
At first, I didn't know; I tried to fit in and enjoyed being with them, but soon they were saying they would hurt my family if I didn't comply.
Me: Did they give you anything for it?
Her: They offered gifts like watches and jewelry, but I never took them.
Me: How far were the distances?
Her: Sometimes I had to take the train for about 40 minutes.
Me: You had a train ticket?
Her: No, if they caught me, I would just get out.
Me: Didn't you want to stop doing this?
Her: At first, I didn't know because I enjoyed being in the group, but when I someday found the heroin in my backpack while staying at a friend's house, I wanted out. But they were threatening that they would hurt my parents and everyone around me, and I got scared.
Me: Were you ever in danger during any of this?
Her: There were other youths who knew I had the drugs in my backpack and were trying to take my backpack from me. I got attacked frequently.
The following part was asked after I saw the scar on her body. (Located under the right breast, where the soft skin part is.)
Me: Where did you get that scar from?
Her: I got stabbed. Someone came from behind, reached around, and stabbed me there.
Me: Didn't you go to the hospital or tell your parents?
Her: No, I just covered it and left it untreated.
INFO: (F32) She really has a scar under her right breast, but her mom once talked about how she got that thing removed from under her breast when she was younger. Apparently, there is a medical term for this. But she claims the thing appeared because of the untreated wound.
She also has a small clean looking scar on her right hand and she said that she stopped a knife from somebody attacking her directly.
Also, I don't really know the details about the age since she always told it so vaguely, and when asked a lot, she says she has left that part of her life behind her and doesn't really know all the details because she was trying really hard for a long time to forget. She is telling all this kind of emotionless rather than living through it again. When bringing it up in 2024, she just responds pissed and acts like I am an idiot. But she said she got out by 14, so this all must have happened in the years prior.
Me: Did you ever have to defend yourself?
Her: Yes, they even gave us guns.
Me: Guns? You mean like BB guns or CO2 guns?
Her: No, I'm sure it was real guns.
Me: Have you ever killed anyone?
Her: I had to defend myself because it looked like he was reaching for his gun, so I was shooting at him, and I don't know if he died or not.
Me: Yeah, right, you shot someone? Do you feel bad about it?
Her: Yes, but I had no choice; it was either me or him.
Me: So there were many youths doing this? Who was behind all of this?
Her: It was Turkish and, I think, Russian rival gangs who were recruiting kids.
Me: Did you ever try drugs yourself?
Her: I tried most of them, but only once.
Me: Do you smoke weed, alcohol, or worse?
Her: I tried weed, but I didn't do anything, then had no interest again but drank lots of alcohol.
Me: Did you try cocaine?
Her: Yes, pretty sure, but only once.
Me: Did you try heroin?
Her: Yes, once, they pressured me into doing it, and I wanted to fit in.
Me: Yeah, sure, how old were you?
Her: I was 10 or 11, I think.
Me: Yeah, right. Every kid is afraid of needles.
Her: I didn't care because I thought it was the cool thing to do and wanted to fit in.
Me: How did you take it?
Her: They prepared everything and held my arm down while injecting the needle.
Me: Do you remember any of it?
Her: Just that I got really hot and uncomfortable, but nothing much else.
Me: And you only did it once?
Her: Yes, only once, because I didn't like it.
Me: So you were drinking alcohol and partying too?
Her: I drank lots of vodka and had my stomach pumped twice.
Me: And your parents never knew any of this?
Her: No, my mom was really busy with work and out of town during the week, and my dad was really lazy and didn't care.
Me: Not even at the hospital?
Her: I just didnt tell them my name, and they had to let me go.
Me: Ok, and you didn't tell anyone?
Her: The only one I had was one friend who was also in there, and later I told a social worker who helped me out of this.
Me: And the police hadn't done anything?
Her: No, as far as I know, the police are corrupt in our city. One time I heard that those bad guys broke a judge's leg.
Me: So you had been doing this for a few years until you found the heroin in your backpack before you knew it?
Her: Yes, exactly.
Me: Did you ever get caught by the police with the drugs?
Her: Yes, but they just had to let me go after a few hours because I never told them my name.
Me: So there were Turkish and Russian gangs; which ones recruited you?
Her: It was the Turkish ones; there were two people at the head of all this that I helped bring to jail.
Me: Do you remember any of the other kids doing drugs?
Her: I just remember there being all kinds of drugs on the table, like pills, etc., and kids jumping and dancing.
Me: Where was all of this going down?
Her: They had an old building at the town center.
Me: Did they ever touch you or anything?
Her: No, nobody ever thouched me.
Me: So you were drinking alcohol heavily and going to parties?
Her: Yes, I got to know older people, and then I was at parties and snuck out at night.
Me: You still managed to go to school and everything?
Her: Yes, but I wasn't very popular in school and had only a few friends there.
Me: How did you get out while being in the same city and not telling your parents?
Her: I had police protection for a while, and a social worker helped. She was the only one who believed me. That social worker helped to bring those guys behind bars.
Me: Why did you never tell your mom, even now to this day?
Her: I don't want my mom to know because that was my decision. I won't tell her, and you, please don't either. It wouldn't do any good, and she would just worry too much about what has already happened. I'm here now, and I'm good, and that's what counts.
Me: Have you ever had therapy for this?
Her: Yes, at my university, there was a psychologist I could talk to, and she helped me to forget and conquer the weakness of always trying to fit in with people.
Me: But that was years later, right? Didn't you go to therapy right after?
Her: No, I was just happy that it was over and wanted to move on.
So thats basically her story that she (F32) told really vaguely over time, and I always had to pull the answers from her like a freakin interview. One thing to note is that before she told me all of this in detail, she kind of bragged about certain scenarios from her past, like going to parties and having sex, unlike her classmates, who seemed childish to her when she was 12.
There were certain moments where she would bring it up in some weird way where one wouldn't assume that she been pressured into doing all this and living with this fear for her life for 5 years. It feels like there is no real emotional connection to all of this when she says it. She says that's because she left all of that behind her and had therapy.
I have been trying to find out the truth by spending loads of hours on Google trying to find proof. And I even went through her phone because I was confused and lost. How can her parents not know any of this?
The only Link I have would be her Ex Boyfriend who is also the father of her child they been together for well over 10 years, she claims he would know of the heroin in the backpack and her fear in that time and helped her through it the time after. It's weird to talk to him since he lives far away and I are far from being in contact I should just ask the guy straight up. Also her cousin she said who brought her into this didn't know of any of this happening afterwards.
I found out by going through her phone, that the story she told me about her past; she also told two other guys.
Back to July 2020, before we had been together and ever met, she texted me and said she needed someone to talk to and if she could come over. We had never met before; this would be the first time. She said she needs someone to talk to and feels alone and scared at home. I was like, What is this? Is she needy? I didn't really want to meet, as I wanted to go to sleep soon, but I asked what was wrong, and she said that:
Someone close to her who helped her a lot in her life had died in a car accident, but she thinks there is more behind it, and it wasn't an accident. She was scared and had no one else to talk to, and since we have been texting for a while, she trusts me.
Well, a year into our relationship, End of 2021 I was fed up with guessing and was going through her phone, I found out that she had been approaching some guy she had been dating before (Alex M36) about the same thing. I guess it was the same night; I don't remember the date correctly.
This actually assured me that she might not be lying about her past regarding the drug thing, but then again, that night of the car accident, I thought I was the only one to know—only to find out later that that was not true. Maybe it's something she made up about her past to seem interesting to other guys?
I also found out that she also told him the same thing, when drugs came up in the conversation: that she had been in drug trafficking and tried most of the drugs once, but he didn't get into it with her as I did, so that conversation ended quickly.
She told me later that the person in that car accident, was the social worker who had helped her, and she thinks that social worker had been killed by Turkish gang people as revenge for locking them up all these years ago.
**By the way, she also told this Alex (M36) in January 2021 about our pregnancy and that she is now taking the pill after losing them, and she was complaining about me not making a move towards a relationship with her. He was like, "Great, then we can have sex without a condom," and she said, "You'll be the first to know." I saw this and got pissed, thinking again that this woman is a complete liar. Since she already told me about him prior to us getting serious and mentioned visiting him and his dogs, she made him look like a friend. Only later, after asking, she told me that they had been intimate once, after he told her that he was in a relationship. After that, they had only been friends, she said. So I was extra confused that they were somehow sexting and her joining in instead of drawing a line. Why not talk to me first? especially after I had been there for her during the pregnancy, and I thought I had shown that I'm serious with her and that I would never leave her hanging in that situation. Also, we just had spend New Year's Eve 2020 together.
After being approached about that and being honest about going through her phone, she said that she was mad and that I wasn't responding to her texts for weeks. Which is kind of true I needed some time after the pregnancy thing, and conversation got less for about 2 weeks. But she wasn't texting either for a while.
She also told a Lukas guy in 2017 (guessing M35) who was one of her best friends at the university. But also, he didn't really seem to care much for the details. Similar pattern of saying that she had been into drug trafficking and tried almost all of the drugs once.
I talked to her about it and even said it's completely fine if it's something she made up, but she keeps insisting it's the truth and says that I'm just sabotaging the relationship and says I need help because of depression, childhood, etc. Every once in a while, we fight about it because I bring it up even when we fight about other stuff. Because it's so deeply connected to trust and respect for this person. But it always reflects back to me, and I'm the crazy one for even questioning this. But my closest friends also don't believe the stories.
I've had friends who are pathological liars and make up the weirdest shit to boast themselves, but this time it's different. This is the woman who wants to build a family with me; she has her shit together with a household, a single mom, and is very structured, while I'm a mess. Also, she is highly intelligent (148 IQ or something).
Sometimes later, she would bring it up in some weird cry-for-attention way. For example, in 2022, I met a friend at the supermarket who was a heavy speed user, and he looked clean. I was happy for him and told her about him after he was gone, and she was only saying, "Well, I have all of this behind me." It feels like she wanted to bring this up even though I knew the whole story already; maybe she wanted attention. kinda weird. There are more moments like that, and that's why I even assume that she might be a pathological liar.
SCENARIO 2: Sport Events, Counter Strike Tournament, Working for Microsoft all before 14 Years old
Basically, she (F32) is saying that while doing the drug thing, she looked for other things to get away from that. Since her parents didn't care, she sometimes would sneak out for as long as a week, participating in sports events like surfing, downhill mountain biking, and even participating in a counterstrike tournament and winning second place with her clan at 12 years old, where she had won a gaming mouse by Razor (she is pretty sure it was Razor) formed after her hand imprint that she had made by placing her hand on clay.
Unfortunately, she had lost that mouse. While the Counterstrike tournament would be in Köln in 2004, a few hundred kilometers away from her home, she claims that she met some people who were into Counterstrike in Köln, while staying there with her mom. Those people got her into the Tournament in Köln and since she looked older nobody noticed and nobody asked for ID.
Info: Her mother was working in Köln and staying there in an apartment in Köln. She used to visit there and stay there for a couple of days when there was no school. This I know from talking to her mother. Her birth home is far away from Cologne, about 300 km. I spent hours on Google and found that tournament by Giga Games in around 2003/2004, but I highly doubt she entered there with all the pros and being only 12 Years old. Maybe she saw it on TV? Giga Games was a huge Gaming TV Channel in germany at that time that she watched and loved.
Working for Microsoft
She claims that she had been helping in the development of windows during some sort of program by Windows, that she got in, when she was around 12 years old. She claims that she got to see some code and that she saw something deeply embedded in the Windows code enabling them to track people via electricity; you don't even need the internet. I remember her saying that so vividly because this was one of the first times I was at her home. She was kind of spooking me, saying that they might still be checking on her.
SCENARIO 3: The News Years Eve Payback
On New Year's Eve 2020, I was waiting at my apartment with my best friend (M34), whom she had never met before. We were waiting for her to arrive. Its around 21:00; shes texting saying she will be there soon; she just ruined some assholes day. I was like, what? Whats up? She said she would explain once she got there. Then she got here and said that she was bored at home in the afternoon and met with a friend who she knew from her side job in event technology, where she was sometimes helping to build stages, etc. At his place there was a girl who she also knew from work; her name is Lucy (F32), and Lucy had an ex-boyfriend who took nudes of her and put them online. Since my GF was savy with computers, she drove over there, and she says she did the following:
The first time she told me, it was like that:

• Driving within reach of WiFi,
• Finding the Standard Password for a Router by its Name appearing on the WiFi Network
• finding a list online with standard passwords and getting access that way to his router
• Now she was able to access Google Photos, delete all the pictures, and send the nudes she had found to his friends and family over the WhatsApp app.

The second time I kept digging, about 2 years later, she told it like this:

• Drove within reach of wifi,
• Lucy provided the wifi password.
• Now that she was on the same wifi network and had access to his hard drive files,
• She was copying the Google Chrome files for the saved passwords, and that's how she was able to enter Google Photos, delete all of his photos, and send the pictures over the Whatsapp web.

-She wrote a program and executed it so his monitor would turn to black for a couple or hours.
I kept digging, asking questions like, How would this be possible without him knowing or needing to agree to someone entering his computer like that? I know this might be possible for a hacker, but not the way she explains it. She makes it seem easy to enter anyone's computer. Just having the wifi password and being on the same network is probably a security risk, but how would you copy files without any permission from the other computer? I know there are public folders, but program files are not one of them. How could she even enter Google Photos, which would make her need remote access to actually control the computer like any desk?
She responds that she only copied the program files from google chrome and opened them on her laptop. She is not that much of a hacker, but she makes it seem so easy, even saying just Google it's totally easy.
This whole thing is the reason for me to go through her phone because she is big on Google and they collect ALL her data. So I was trying to find out if she had been at that place on December 31, 2020, but there was no data on that day. I saw a Lucy contact on her phone; it was the childhood friend called Lucy living in her home town ( which her mom also knows and talked about in my presence ) Maybe she never intended for me to know about this Lucy, but she claims there is another Lucy, but there is no history of her talking to Lucy since we've been together.
I asked her to call this Lucy person up, whoever she is, and make her proof of the story, but she says that it would be embarrassing for Lucy. Meanwhile, I'm dying of confusion and trust issues about this woman, but yeah, let's worry about some person you haven't talked to in 2 years. She always says that I either believe her or I let it go because she won't go down that road with me. Making me seem paranoid. She is telling weird Stories and won't really proof them, and I just don't understand why.
SCENARIO 4: Demonstration Escalation
I was watching a live stream of a demonstrations in Germany 2021 and they talked about the police being kind of brutal there to the friendly people, and she (F32) said that she had been on a demonstration in a sticky situation where the police were closing down, not letting anyone leave the circle, and people panicked, so they attacked the cops. She managed with her 164cm to take away the baton from the cop and hit him with it, breaking his face shield and remembering seeing blood while she fled away.
I wonder so much about this because she would never get away after that—even when the cops were closing in and she couldn't leave before, all of a sudden she could leave? It's hard to get details from her sometimes; she just says that she got away. But I guess there is no other way to proof it than her words. But come on you dont go there alone you must have been with some friend. She always makes it this hard. But then again asking someone to proof a story like that and call people... of course its weird but the story is also very weird.
SCENARIO 5: Im not lying
All in all, we have had great times together, and her kid sees me (M34) as second pops, and she really loves and I love her. We want to build a family, but I can see that sometimes, but other times I don't. I know there are challenges and I am not the perfect fit to build a family yet, and then I come up with the shit from her past when she is only worried about getting through the busy week with work, school, etc.
I get that. But still, I can't really think about a family when I have trust issues like that, and they only get worse...
In March 2023, we had a big fight, and she (F32) threw me (M34) out, and I stayed at my place. One night, about week later, around 22:00, I saw her online on WhatsApp, missing her, and thinking about texting. I thought it was curious that she was online and offline every minute, sometimes staying online for 5–10 minutes, so I made a screen recording of her WhatsApp screen and went to a friend. Later, I saw the recording, and for like 2 hours, she had been on WhatsApp, texting like crazy.
A day later, she asked me if this was it with us now.
Then we got to talking again and met again more frequently at my place. In those weeks, I have been asking her if she has been talking to anybody or is with anybody else. She said no, of course not.
I specifically asked about the night where she was constantly online and offline, and she said it was some discussion with the school board where she is a member.
Then in June, we went to a concert, and I slept at her place. Next morning, I just couldn't help myself. I went through her phone again, and sure enough, I found that she had been texting with some guy (M40+) who was trying to fuck her. He openly said so and thanked her for two orgasms in the past. She didn't say yes to these offerings but also didn't say no and kept talking with him for a month about day-to-day stuff, while we were meeting here and there and getting back together.
I felt the blood boiling. I thought she had been cheating on me for a while with a coworker or something; it all came crashing down, and I insulted her and stormed out. You could see the shock on her face as she tried to explain herself, saying that it wasn't like that. This actually really hurt me because she thought it was all good and was a wonderful morning. Here this asshole (M34) comes up with some shit after going through her phone. But you have to understand I'm going fking crazy with confusion about here, then you read this shit??
Now the funny part: The guy (M40+) sits on the school board, so she actually wasn't lying! But they weren't discussing the cafeteria schedule! This guy was openly talking about sexual stuff and offering a sex date in order to forget about ME! She had told him about us!—a stranger who just wants to fuck her, who faked being sensitive in order to get in her pants. Who is talking about his sexual addiction? Who is also on the school board using his contacts from school to hit on women? Me not being the real dad in this scenario with school, etc., it's already hard enough to feel respected and needed. Now I feel digusted about how I am viewed by strangers from that school. Why would she put our business out there and why even talk to this person.
Now about the two orgasms he thanked her for, she later explained that he just masturbated all of a sudden when they talked on the phone and he made notice of it by thanking her for this great orgasm. This happend before we were a couple and she cut the contact with him when we got serious. She had known him since kindergarten, since he also has a child there. And he was complaining about his marriage when he was just starting to jerk off on the phone. This obviously didn't spook her; she had an understanding attitude towards him and said in her mind they were just friends.
Her reasoning for talking to him again was that he saw her crying on the school yard and she told him about our fight. He later cracked some jokes in the school board group and then they got to talking over whats app. She is saying it was all friendly and she can't control what the other person is saying, and I get mad over nothing.
I feel like she should have drawn a line there and actually demanded some respect from that guy. But no, she kind of left it open and actually gave him some hope by saying she won't get into anything right now, but she wants to keep in contact. Also, she kept talking with him for like a month daily. While I sat there celebrating my birthday alone, And she said she wasn't lying? She was never lying to me, are her exact words. She could have told me about the guy after asking, but went with saying she talked to the school board about some important stuff.
Final thoughts:
Of course, this got me thinking again about our future together, is she even honest with me? Trust issues flare up again, and while I see something in our future together, as some sort of patchwork family, stuff like this makes me question everything.
To what extent is she (F32) able to lie...Would she cheat on me (M34) and lie like no problem..
Do you think she (F32) is a pathological liar or am I (M34) paranoid?
THANKS BIG TIME for taking the time and can't wait for your answers. Written by me (M34)
Cheers and have a great day!

Just wanted to share a sighting of Big Foot that several locals in my town have had. First I would like to set the background. This happend in the Eastern Ky/Southern West Va area. This community is made up of a very no nonsense, hardworking group of people. The only things we have to do here is work and spend time outside. That would be hunting, hiking, fishing, four-wheeling etc. From the time I was a toddler we were turned loose to entertain ourselves. Homes are built on the hillsides of deep hollows (hollers). We have seen every bird, critter, reptile, mammal you can think of that is native to our region. Yes I've even seen a mountain lion, heard them as well. Clear difference between a bob cat and mountain lion. Anyway, I say this just to explain that these people know the difference between a bear and Big Foot. My dad has killed a bear that stood and walked toward him while protecting its young. My uncle killed one and stuffed it in his living room, cousins etc. We can be an ignorant community on some things (politics, world affairs etc) but what we are not ignorant on is mountain terrain and local wildlife. So my sister was a guard for the entrance of a surface mine. All during the week she would log in coal trucks and supervisors who were coming and going. This guardshack was at the very end of a holler. A mile from the nearest house and at the base of a large mountain.
The roads would curve and wind from the guard shack she worked at, all the way to the top of this Appalachian Mountain that was being stripped from the top down to remove the coal. On the weekends, she would work and just turn away people who tried to go up there and ride their four-wheelers. There was no traffic coming and going on the weekends. She would sit in the guard shack and read books to pass time. There was no tv, internet etc. She did have a cell phone that would barely get any cell service but if she played her hand right, she would get bar or two of signal. This was a remote area in an already remote community. One afternoon, on the weekend, she was sitting and reading and she says that she felt a weird change in the air. She was not sure what it was but she says it's like the feeling when someone is watching you, or when your gut warns you that you are in a dangerous situation. She looked up from her book and out of the side window of the guard shack, nothing. She looked forward out of the smallest window and she sees, what at first, she thinks is a bear. This "animal" walked on its hind legs from one side of a creek, down a steep drop off, through the creek and stepped up on the other side of the steep drop off, up onto the road. This creek was about 4ft deep but it never faltered its stance on its two legs. She said it just walked across the mining road and into a field. She said it did not look around, it just walked unbothered. The field it stepped into was extremely overgrown.
The "grass, brush etc" 6 ft tall was at least. She could see it move through the weeds with its head above the weeds. She could still see its body, but not very well. When it was crossing the road she described its hair as black, very thick. It had a very broad build. She couldn't distinguish much else of its appearance but that the hair on its body was full. It had a steady and easy glide. It walked through the field and she lost sight of it just before the field turns into wooded mountain terrain. Several minutes after it left her eyesight she called my dad. When he answered the phone he asked her if she was having car trouble or if she needed something. She never really called him otherwise. He said she was hysterically crying, begging him to come help her. She told him what she saw. He asked her if she was joking, if someone could have been playing a prank on her, if she saw a bear, questioned why she didn't get a picture. She told him that she was paralyzed with fear. She was not able to move, she held her breath and wouldn't even breathe. She was so scared it would hear her. My dad did go and drive her home because she couldn't. He checked the height of the grass, looked around for anything to find. He said he could only see that the grass had been waded through by something but that's all. She swore all of us to never tell anyone from fear of being ridiculed. Well the following year, one of my dads coworkers (they are both coal truck drivers) told him that he saw Bigfoot walk across an atv trail while he was out hunting. He had covered himself in scent blocker and fell asleep at the base of a tree. He woke up and was just laying there looking up at the sky and from his peripheral he described seeing movement. After a moment of comprehension he said it was Bigfoot. He admits to contemplating taking a shot at it but quickly decided the gun he had couldn't kill it. All he would do was piss it off. He did slowly go for his phone as to not alert the creature but by the time he took the picture, through shaking hands and fear... the picture is blurry. When my dad asked where he was hunting..... it was on the other side of the mountain that my sister saw it walking toward. My dad did tell his friend what my sister saw. She is still mad at him to this day for telling anyone. Well fast forward to last month.
My renter is now working at that same guardshack. Mind you this is a very small town (we have nothing in this town other than a Dollar General, a mom and pop grocery store, and some gas stations. No stop lights, no fast food etc). Employment is scarce and primarily only at the mine. So, the coincidence that my sister and renter have the same job is not that strange. My sisters incident was 10 years ago also. My renter tells my dad that she saw Bigfoot while working in the guard shack. She asked him because she is a younger female, my dad is her neighbor, and she wanted to buy a gun for protection. My dad and his girlfriend help her by mowing her grass, helping her take out her trash etc because she is young and with them being neighbors my dad wants to help her while also making sure his house doesn't have an eye sore as a neighbor. Anyway she trusted him enough to ask him if he had a gun for sale and that was her reason why. She could not have known that my sister saw Bigfoot. She would not have known my dads friend seen the thing either, that man passed away years before she moved to our community. Now my dads friend spent his whole life after his sighting having people pick fun at him and call him crazy for it. He told everyone he met. With that being said, everyone in my community knows that it's possible for Bigfoot to thrive there. There's no point in us making a big deal about seeing Big Foot either, we try to report that we have had an active mountain lion population for decades and we are dismissed as crazy. The mountains in this region are largely undiscovered by anyone but us locals. In a county of only 3,000 people, there aren't a lot of people in the mountains at all times to run into a Bigfoot. We are talking about millions of acres of very rugged mountain ranges, also open fields, thousands of caves and creeks. Abundance of animals, vegetation etc for a large creature like that to thrive. I also wanted to share that this very community is where Expedition Bigfoot came and found "Unknown Ape DNA". Now this story will not make a believer out of anyone per say but it did make me a believer in Bigfoot. I know my sister, I know she didn't lie, she couldn't have faked that level of fear if she tried. She knows what bears look like walking as well so...... just wanted to share. Thanks for entertaining this story and reading!

I was a dead kid since birth/
Only screamed around mad at/
The world and mama had an alcohol problem/
So she couldn’t bother and it turned/
The house was a wreck, clouds bove’ my head/
Were I slept, everything burned, but my mama/
Told: Life goes harder, but it’s my urge,/
that you have no problems/
My father had a coma, cuz of attempted suicide/
He was rejected, so did I/
My mama gave me to adoption, cuz I was too stressful/
To keep me was not an option, what a fucking asshole/
Elected and selected, childhood was like an electric chai
Then got rejected, why should I fucking care?/
Well I found a family, that didn’t gave me to the adoption cente
They were in Tennessee, a crossing,/
it was the only damn option for me to have a/
A nice life, I’m a menace see?/
So I didn’t know what agony, would set this free/
Every day punched in the ugly belly/
Fucked up, for things I couldn’t handle, he?/
Not cocked just wanna go away, from these menaces, deem/
To kill myself, chill down I tell/
A crown just fell, deep inside the clouds/
Ma mama and ma father shouts/
It charges harder, but just don’t bothe
Be loud, the problems make ya stronge
But then it all fades away/
I just destruct myself, think of killing myself/
Filling coke, I just tell, how disturbed I felt, man/
And feel now, deep clouds coming out/
Shady, like I was back then/
Called out crazy, then end them/
Lazy, cuz I didn’t drugged myself daily/
Well I fucked myself daily/
That’s the reason, why no lady wanna help me/
I was mad at them, cuz they couldn’t save me/
Ran at an club with a knife, fucked for my life/
Went shortly out, it was so corny like I/
Was drunk and high and a dumb line of coke was involved/
She stuttered and cried, cuz I toke 9 lines, felt better than/
Life, stabbed her twice, like in a damn freak show/
She screamed loud, I punched (Shut your damn mouth!)
In this moment, it seemed out, like, fuck it’s all round/
Motherfucker’s around, I’m an Idiot/
No release like I slammed her at a bridge/
Now I stand there like this/
Damn I am pissed/
Theres no excuse mo for this, pitch/
Now the clouds are finally gone/
The Godfather, move like this Tom Sawyer, don’t bother too tight, a haunt for ya/
Gun shots right to his shoulder, a dumb farmer, cops wanna/
That I go outa my car, go mama, should a dude like me/
Who choose Ideas with no drama, should be sued by police/
See trough these seats, being tortured by low waterboarding/
Go trough his D.N.A, see him day by day/
Take way to much MDA and MDMA/
Next see me pay for coke and ecstasy/
Hennessy, it’s destiny fucking majesty/
Actually it’s the same we’re okay/
See today, I lost myself/
It’s only the damn Y.M.C.A/
Burn Churches, earn murderous curses, but you know it’s all worthless/
Wanna see me turn shirtless, go to a jerk circle or hear a god damn verse case/
Everything will turn grey and it deems, that you see me on the streets, hey/
You notice that you take cocaine and went sent raped to a slaughte
You’ve been tortured on every corner, there’s a door o
A corridor plus add a fucked up drug addict/
Fuck habits, you need to follow the white rabbit/
It seems underneath, there’s a rubbed, blood-infused carpet/
The corridor’s full of crap, rats and traps, it’s rushed/
With thug magic, clocks banging, the slaughter comes/
His shot gun and his Glocks hanging/
„You don’t need to do that!“ „But I can it“/
His daughter packs your head with a god damn canon/
His father shaves you dead, you see black, red and a violet carpet/
But you ain’t dead instead, you see them laughing at your cracked/
Abandoned scattered body parts/
Mix cyanide with white, with no license, I rewind timeless/
Classics, tired why? Ya’ll get an ass kick to the Matrix/
I remind, that I was full of panic, cuz of this madness/
By the second time, I went schizophrenic, it’s epic/
At the third time, I try a bite of magic mushrooms (fuck damn it)/
I arrive to higher minds, so I can die alright, an addict banging/
Whores, till they drive insane to dryer life, rambling through pleasuring/
Liar grounds, till they lie around and are dying out, a habit of letting/
Violence try around with kids, so it can press the average menace/
Into madness, I allow myself to introduce you to the real world/
Call me god or you all fall three blocks, I mean it seriously/
All these cops try to poorly upset me off into prison/
Listen, while I’m in the Park hanging with hot women/
You pissing cock is just jacking off to your own sibling/
While I’m bars rapping, you just shut up, that’s my god damn wisdom/
Or it goes with a lot of shots from this Winston, like this Hannibal or is it this/
Charles Manson, are you safe up in Prison with that fucked up cannibalistic Prick?/
Cars, Action, drifting in a large mansion is this Gods answer or is this/
A jaw cracking incident, motherfuckers listening/
All passion into this crime, not innocent, so why should I give a cent/
To these cop slashing niggas then, I don’t give a damn track bout them/
It’s unsetting, dip that in, try and not mention it, is it that hard?/
One shot, time stops, he’s bleeding, crawling, paranoid, android/
Call him Steven Hawking, peeling on his head, throw it at the carpet/
Now you never see him walking ever again, this wanna be Steven Hawking
This was just a little corny story, in the middle morning I gon’ tell more, don’t worry/
It was a little boring introduction to my world, ooh, why you’re screaming, my fist is bluffing/
Didn’t heard? Do I need to kick buckets or are you fucking turned? See It’s my urge that you have fun/
Rum with Tablets, it isn’t madness, motherfucking Faggots do it everywhere, I also had it/
Now you’re only a rumbling, tumbling doll of flesh, wrap, dead rape her, till her fucking breast/
Is plumping down her legs, man, I’m glad back, throw her dead visage in the packed garage/
Damn I’m dark, run over her with ma car, not sober, it’s not over, oh my god/
God’s dead, I shot in his head, with a shotgun instead of an Colt or an AK, no revenge, mam, thanks, man/
I go barehanded, fuck knife like stars of the YNC/
Thug life, I’m a masterclass rhyme MC, with a dark memory/
Death isn’t the penalty, then when, I would definitely be laying back on the street/
Put me in a mental hospital, I’m so gentle confident, back from release/
Don’t text me or speak, I preach my own peace, a piece of bones, see?/
That’s the only note I reveal, so shut off or you go packed in my lunchbox/
With overdosed hoes, this is not, where the fun stops, this is where the cum comes/
At the cocked crotch from central cee, between my mental health it’ s so empty see?/
Doin’ ecstasy, radically, LSD, Hennessy, easily it’s my penalty, later me’s sleeping/
On all the corpses I killed, on all the forces I build, on all the distortions I could break/
Doin’ my job as a taxi driver, on these messy tires, I see daily many liars/
Who try to don’t be petty bitters, but cash just blinds us, I see/
Nasty minors, who sell their body for some penny’s I’da try/
And don’t be a pessimistic writer, but this is the reality, let’s rewind us/
To the time up, I was a mindfucked, social worke
Put a potion Valium worth a million to mild children/
Then they move like stop motion, further with no distortion, building/
Them to machines, with no emotions, a sea and an ocean/
Couldn’t clean these evil distortions, easily worse abortion/
At home my mom’s there, she can’t live alone, cuz of more chromosomes/
Seeing TV, she sees me, asks: „How was it?“/
Out of it, I try to explain, she remains silent asks: „Why you complain?“/
Mom, don’t blame, day by day I’m feeling ashamed, see these people grey/
I say: „Bye, mom!“, then it all fades away, now I’m here/
In L.A, with a Taxi day by day, see these maniacs day by day/
Thinking what could it be, when I stayed the same day by day/
Put a gun onto your forehead, blow it go back, dope at/
Jennifer Lopez, a predator, but before bed, I had sex with your corpse back/
Then choke at the janitor, who stole crack, go packed with gold round my neck/
At the door, show’s back, you can’t kill me I was born dead, throw tec, so mad/
Shoot at hoes and editors, they’re so ass small like Lanniste
They’re only competitors for the smoke and predator, even the pope recognize me/
Cuz I chocked, cracked and wrapped him and then fed the poor, with bread full of wet cement/
Even the president remembers me, cuz I was attacking him daily, throw twenty babies/
Scream „Allah Akbar“ at the party, motherfucker, pop a pill then kill the police/
Then the whole NYPD in one release, fill till I bomb the whole city, (shit did it)/
Then I take the chain saw, give Hannibal Lecter a cannibal lecture, then brains fall/
All over the screen, you can scream, but it’s too kafkaesk, fuck the rest of this ass/
Sado Maso Rap, they just suck at best, what do you think, I’ve a fucked relapse?/
Yes, I had, mad, not your special guest, peer pressure down your ass/
The cloud’s dead over those, call it Heath Ledger, I beat rappers alphabetical, it’s a mean hange
It never ever seems better, but he’s at the top, screaming with real measure/
11.06 per line
Kick a bat, then choke down the slick cigarette/
Then spit it back, to you quitter ass and your Pinterest friends/
Don’t give a cent, my silhouette is picking them/
Is shitting them, is mixing Molly and/
Sips a bag crack and when they scream: „Shit, what’s that?“
Just say did I ask, kick your quitter ass back to the middle west/
Pick a guest, then I go to your nipple flesh, tickle that/
Slick a bread, then the cigarette falls to the pick up left/
Mister Bad kicks tha TEC, with a snap/
Never relapse or better be back, with bigger cash, come with me!/
Kiss ma ass, I’ma blow up like ken park, that sicko’s back/
I don’t show up, my friend calls, he’s really mad/
You greedy ass, didn’t need to kill the family/
Oh majesty, I’m a nice being man, but I can go really anxious/
Back then the TV went crazy, after the daily mass shooting in the cathedral/
But a needle fix’s it, pop the praline, what can I say, I’m just a ghost in a shell/
Between hoax and truth, there’s nowhere to tell, I’m only a small beetle/
But I can be a Star prior, my hair is on fire, Lennon, Cartney, can’t wait to retire/
Explosive Jihadist, a bit retarded, but fuck it, I’m with passion/
Fuck gravity, it’s only the inception, never give up,(Rick Astley)/
Better think of killing yourself (be big as they) in the spotlight, one mic, chilling in hotel/
From dusk till dawn, the guns are drawn, fuck the law, I got the claw/
Shot and saw, how he stutters, moans, then bust it all, over floo
A nightmare in halloween, right there’s the gasoline, burn MC’s/
Turn a sea into a blood realm, like kill bill/
Fight till we are gonna be enemies, no fantasy/
I’m the devil, nasty ecstasy, got me through it radically/
Better leave, or me’s gonna ram heavy metal/
Through your shattered knees, my system’s down/
I’d miss him now, but my fist is out, it is out/
First victim, was a pissing clown, I turned him in/
To a whipping hound, everything else was burned liquid/
With around second victim was just dripping down/
I couldn’t slit him down, what shall I do with him now, bitten out/
His wistful pounds of eyes, let’s kick a round (why?)/
Then his wrist and roundhead, do I bore you now, how?/
It’s around, a bit so loud, then I kicked him out/
Barking, starving, now you know what’s gonna happen with you now/
(Shoutout to EM), I’m to real, to pay and take a bit of tha vaccine/
But I’d keep scream for lean like rage against tha machine/
Ritalin, take the rest I’m a fiend, cold demon/
For no reason, I keep screaming, but nobody’s hearing/
Nose piercing, clean earring, a fiend fearing/
The police, but no panic, I’m Batman, with Magic Mush and Xanax/
Rapid, I slash them, choke with mo plastic than Kim Kardashian/
Tragic, like Manson, but I’m still mo bombastic, than an Afghan/
A package of crack in the back van, schizophrenic and desperate/
What’s my message at man, the message, don’t do crack, man/
An addict, slash an, panic bringer like tha clan then/
Climatic, banned and classic, like tha fuckin’ west then/
My eyes are blurred out, got that beetlebum/
Fight for my parklife, burned out, onto being busted away/
I try to write, but it turns out, after Song 2, I’m feeling numb/
Reading off the script, beat a cop, need a coffee and a TV/
They type bite, to earn loud our respect, wannabe Gotti, hehe/
Write, write, there purged sound is like mine, perplexed/
But still why, try, mock me and my CD, let’s see/
Who sells three times easily more copies after release/
Cocky, my knees bleed, but I’m taking this/
For forty of these fucked up braindead kids, who think they’re life is just a safe less miss/
Due to my wife, who is missed, this angel shit hits, locked off, dude do a mayhem, bitch/
It ain’t a risk, dude, try, got off, make a diss, then piss on this god/
Who thinks a thug can’t safe a chick, highlight this/
Boom take that risk, dawg, ask why I’d pick this shit miserable life/
Ooh, I just like this braindead shit, cuz I’m breaking this/
And everyone, anyone, so I’m taking this/
Break tha barrier, then marry a lady, ahh, don’t think I’m crazie
Go think fo yo Area 51,bury a body, in ma territorial/
I’d come, go soon to his burial with cult leaders and coke dealers/
Make, take gold Midas, Judas, go through as pope/
Toke coke then I do Jonestown, sold out, no mind reade
But a sight see ah and a Volkswagen, yo I’d go Bin Laden/
Those bros both been nodding for a week, borders release/
Keep these G’s or we make yo daughter fall asleep/
Deep cuts in my guts, need time off, bite off the Adams apple/
But God sucks, got that canon to handle, bust off/
Us nuts, fuck off, no interruption/
Destruction is the option, ends with concussion/
Busting, bend and popping, cocking again to Theseus/
We need us, thus we’d grow alone like these fetus/
Blow, no release, book the holy/
So we’d see us Mesias/
Parties, rave again on my Harley Davidson, sometimes AIDS a friend/
May call me cray again, horny, rape again, In my flight, basement again/
Inner piece, gainst’ my sinner enemies a.k.a whack MCs/
Where there best release’s a dead EP, got COPD/
Dealt, throw these weed blunts, it keeps fun, craving fo crystal/
Wes Craven nightmare, right there’s the pistol/
Baking, taking, I’m paired with missiles/
My tight mission is to befrei women with terrorism/
Parking with the BMW, see banned Gs starving in distance/
Wishing for their fantasy fiction, now in the packed alley with em/
Robbing, bombing my new edition, right blew the prisons kitchen/
Don’t be bitching, I keep reality with em/
Gunnin’ yo quarters to yo bum head, summon monsters like Lovecraft/
Come in it doesn’t cost ya, be real partners, ask god man right? Let’s spot man/
With small cottages, confident rebellion/
Call cops again, prepare gun/
I’m back from coffin, with TEC and complete London/
Snipe, pack pockets, beat strangers, caretakers/
Gotta beat these white boys, right choice like Tom MacDonald/
Dears, hear’s my voice, I choose, Zeus, Bruce, bump a vortex up/
My godlike fortress, you’re dead, nor cap, neck in the noose/
Whose the best gainst’ the soviets, get got it/
Mass monstrous, badass ain’t gains conscience/
Take, rape, no colon, go all in, fight like Parkinson, gun, come/
Dot com, none comma, bomb another summe
Brother I gotta, don’t cry momma, gon’ buy nother’/
Call me Columbine shot, ya, Osama shut up, bruh or me’s/
Choke, bite off ya neck, no respect, yo/
Don’t go yo perplexed, yo, that’s rap, yo/
Relax, go breath fresh air, so we won’t beef, that’s fair?/
Everyone hates me, stigmatize every little line/
Don’t take me serious, won’t sympathize, cuz of the bitch I’m like/
That I serve no purpose, I disturb the church and turn for the worthless/
It’s like a jerk circle, yo won’t come out, so yo won’t gon’ shout/
Your urge for the servants, blow, even if they won’t allow/
Burst their surface, beat em, go so loud, murdering, kill, till they surrende
Go stack ya, furthering, your letter to America/
They say, my music is horrific shit, what can I say, I got that politic, Tic/
It ain’t newish that this is for these false bitching kids/
Who would blew this all for pimping bitches or sniffing coke with no interest/
Thanks to bitch ass parents, who destroy the thing that, they love/
Say may sound way off topic, but what if something you enjoy/
And keeps you alive gets raid off your hands, yeah that’s bad/
Next day you can’t sleep, can’t get outta bed, think about suicide, the room is tight/
That’s fact, you release evil, even if the rules deny, lay relapse/
That’s fucked up, so I won’t shut up, till yo bastards, get the answers/
9 to 5, you won’t age, don’t be to late, I got the aggression of these motherfucking two dogs caged/
I am lined in this game, say my name, my impression is that you won’t change/
Buy and bite this chain, you don’t got too much to pay, only the pain of dudes depression, you got days/
They may be crashing, remained brains, why you fail, to leave the mansion, bro you got ways/
Get your fat ass out of this rap shit, it is not to late, it gets drastic, bro you got ways/
You ain’t god, this is not Beyonce, this is basically the worst shit, since the world trade/
Now the question is:
I raid the page from your petty rapers/
20 days later, the blood infects/
My eyes get black, plenty ways of destruction/
My stuff’s like a concussion, it keeps you quite down, my hound/
Mofucka’s dying, cuz of the street or overdose/
I’m lying, cuz these gods see me as over those/
I did Tupac, and trade, Biggie, and AIDS/
New thugs say, damn is he cray/
Fucker, Cop shooter, got numerous super stars/
In my basement, that’s that statement, you are/
Crashed in that car, where’s your face men/
Take that with humor, dawg/
Nuke a city, is it pretty, I’m patient/
I like agony, panicky screaming/
At that top of my alive lungs/
I need a shot gun, right Pun/
See these run, I clutch, my crotch/
CD’s, blunts, bleeding locked/
Please leave me, I’m done/
And than the bomb explodes/
Life goal
And I got bombs in my palms, right, broad/
I might got to crash the trade, when I fucking escalate/
Second day high school, ejaculate and I was high, ooh/
Escalade, that’s my life choose, why you try to/
Get me off, ooh, you blind you/
Ask the god, he’s just like you/
Now his head hanged off, so rewind to/
The day I wanted to be Manson, is your mind blew/
I dream of fashion and compassion, scream for a big ass mansion/
But I can’t comprehend that, there are plenty corpses under my bed/
Can’t force them to get back, I actually got no problems I’m just sad/
But everything awesome, I just need a needle and a glass/
(What’s your life goal) To become the biggest psycho/
You can’t end it, why so, get the next menace on yours wife phone/
I don’t think of hope, I’m an misanthrope/
Just shut up, when I fucking slit yo throat, oh/
(What’s with your family) Fucked travesty/
Actually fuck fame, the redroom is shinning, there’s another life here/
I just grew in time in with a father that didn’t like me/
I’m not suicidal, I just don’t got an Idea/
To what to do, me’s crying with my pills, I mean/
Drugs fucked up, kills my will to get a life, see/
But likely, it’s my psyche, think that I just unalive myself with cyanide, see?/
That’s my life goal/
Hey, remember me, I relapsed from these motherfucking Sedatives/
But back with a brand new EP, three weeks passed from the last release/
And I’m sober like a Tool track, who’s back/
Slap Winona Ryder, with a broom and/
She screams like a Duet or Duvet, (boah) I’m a wild cobra bite
Sniff air, while Coka piper, I’m no more nicer, to crack-bitches/
Had have no interest, smoke dope with imaginary friends then/
For instance with Lincoln in the cemetery, it’s back/
Cops want the pisstest, but I’d shot zig zag, cuz I’m not in that/
Instead shock Amis fussy, what do you want from me/
Money aka the devils lunch meal, the channels love me/
For the terrorists son breed, funny?/
Yeah, coming out loud like Pompeji, blow up like Chris Cornell/
In this hotel, it goes well, now down town, I’m drowned, walker it’s okay/
I take these blunts, my engaging gun to shake G’s on/
I rape for fun, I’m like K Dot, but/
I got my influence from Nine Inch Nails and Naked Lunch/
My wife is baked next to the angel dust/
I’m half awake and this bitch hurts to much like paper cuts/
I’m shaking thus, I ain’t stop, till I get bigger than the mayor got/
Yeah, the player God, make ya suck cock for a stupid spot/
The musics off, cuz drug abuse and cops are fools/
Boom it knocks with shots from the thug for the youth/
Nor the truth, I still gon’ refuse your number like a jew/
Thunder I knew, ignore the Zeus, he still needs to pay his dues, hey/
Bomber jacket, fuck the planet, that’s the new wave/
Don’t got an motherfucking plan and, just Xanax and Kool Aid/
It’s too late, Doomsday, my suit, hey, is still holy like an Afghan/
Here’s the Trash can for today/
So, first things first, I write my verse on Autopilot/
Then Burst a church, like the white clan, I got the license/
Murder purge with a tight motorcycle/
Chase Barbara Streisand, I promise, I kill ya’ll with kindness/
All remind this, I’m the best MC, you can’t get this/
The next release’s coming, it gets massive/
My tracks like Leprosy, you can’t stand, bitch/
I’m passive, right my penalty would be that I can’t rap shit/
The DEA sees me with haze, taking MDA or MDMA/
He, he, hey, while I slam beat damn fakes/
Fucker, Anthony’s over, I just smoke petty smokers/
Like Marijuana on a stoner, at the time relatively sobe
And the big three is relatively over, cuz it’s only me Big BIG/
I have PTSD and Drake has AIDS and HIV, ahh/
Remember Ex/Pornstar and I can tell X Pornstar that you ass called, ahh/
Now your son’s a sad mourner, cuz you had no prevention, but a blue pill, ahh/
Who kills your Jackson 5 hype, cuz like everyone was better at your prime, ahh/
Overshadowed by a clone of a clone, ahh/
Eyo and yes it is correct, I am a criminal
Perhaps, no cap my van is full off chemicals
But my fans are like a drop dead overdose, quite minimal
God, I guess I am back like Tom MacDonald on the subliminal
Mimic filled with circumorbital rings, because of Morphin and Gin
And I’m like Jack Kevorkians twin as you see me with often absinthe
Good Morning I’m in, moaning cuz it’s
To boring to think, how to solve my problems with binge drinking
I move demonic within the chronic Porsche like Clint Eastwood
My logic is this, I hope my life becomes a comic with this brief cook
I’m iconic, this is no feel good nor beat hook, I just wanna deal coke and beat hoes
I move Schizo due to these blows, my eyes are only beer, shows
Completely detox, me’s free blocks with three Glocks
He shots, then he’s off from beating these cops, free money shots
Mollys drop, call me god, he’s on the knock out
He drops loud, bombs blaow, he’s gone now
My eyes on the long south, pistols like Raekwon
Like I shot out missiles with Napalm, try slice permissions with fake songs
My lines gon’ pow like I go smoke crystal and haze on, fucker
Bullet proof vest, Pull it who’s back, Full sniff, do crack
Pitbulls with rabies, bitches and daisy nugget
Fuck it like Hailie and MGK, I’m dead, crazy, got it
My pockets wide with shady profit, bitch make me fuck it
I’m off kicked like bits from a daily gun click

TLDR: A vantablack swan event.
Religions are all true, mythology is true, esoteric woo is true, it just has to be interpreted correctly.
Humans never evolved under the conditions we were made to believe, its all a lie. Up until the fall of man 6kyr ago we were a globally united, eusocial super organism.
And until 12kyr ago humanity settled the tree concentric rings of atlantis, but then something happend, maybe it was -redacted-, or a combination of that, but we flew too close to the sun, it set the atmosphere of our world on fire (younger dryas event), lichtenberged the grand canyon, melted the yellowstone lava chambers, sterilized mars and, uhm, „created“ the astroid belt.
it didnt destroy society though, that happend 6kyears ago, when a human conflict led to the fall of man. since then TPTB kept the knowlede secret and controlled humanity from the shadows.
what will happen now is humanity is returning to exist as a eusocial superorganism, we unite the universe into a technological singularity. heal the world and all live happily ever after.
all traumas or peronality disorders are just a symptom of a not fully developed mind and thanks to the black hat efforts we will know all about trauma and how it affects people.
the key to utopia is that we will will still have to compete for attention, thats what its all about, money status power is just a place holder.
Humans are the chosen people of our universe, we are the master race, the builder gods that created this universe. We undertook the heros journey to now raise from the ashes. And i was the guy that was smart enough to pull the sword from the stone, to lift the hammer. Im david slinging the giant. (my family name is also held which is german for hero)
The global elites are all preparing for the big event, they think it will be them that take charge of the universe. In reality they are just autistic wordcels that lack higher cognitive functions, they were tricked by the sumerian gods to become the scape goats and take all the blame with them. (NHIs tried to send them jesus to help cus they could see whats going on, but they wouldnt listen!)
my mental model knows whats going on, but putting it into words is the problem, im doing my best. its a unorganized mess and copy pasted from tens of differnt docuemnts, started over hundreds of time, reformulated etc. but every other day something new popped into my head.
so i just said fuck it, there isnt much sense in trying to put it into a specific order, just go with it.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
So ive been all into the microtubuls lately, and had some ideas.
In the OG paper from penrose and hameroff, they had the idea that the benzen rings form dipoles and those interactions is where the „bing“ of consciousness happens.
But its obvious to not just me, that there is so much more going on: delocalized pi electrons and tautomeric protons, i think that is where the magic happens, the warm wetness isnt a problem, its a feature. think of it as a semiconductor, the decoherence is what frees up virtual particles to do computing. aromatic carbon compounds are the doped silicon of organic quantum computing.
skim those pics first pls, so you can see others had simmilar ideas, might make it a bit less shizo...
https://imgur.com/a/dwbtOt0
it all starts as a simple mechanical force, the benzene ring being more stable because of shared electrons is the first step, which favors the formation complex aromatic compounds, amino acids, proteins, redditors, etc. at some point “proto life” will have enough delocalized electrons and tautomeric protons for virtual structures to evolve that can react to external stimuli → natural selection for virtual structures that influence matter → abiogenesis.
The complexity can get arbitrarily high because those virtual structures are creating spaces for higher modal vibrations to exist, a way for wetware to interfere all the way to the planck scale. (think of the rising complexity, string/sound → plane/cymatics → space/???) and the vibration, resonance, frequency etc, analogy only describes the macroscopic effect of a spring-mass system. But quantum is much more complicated. We cant understand it intuitively, we dont have analogies for such complex systems. My mental analogy is that: a structure made from non spacetime based particles that follow laws just like regular matter, we just dont know those rules yet (pilot wave theory).
DNA: quantum woo medium optimized for storage, shielded from the outside. (benzene rings stacked on top create tight and highly focused, lineanon local pi electron/proton cloud, shielded by pi ring currents and phosphate backbone (high frequency dampening resonator), twisted pair, telomere termination, chromatin crc suite.
microtubuls: quantum woo medium optimized for computation: be influenced by other neuronal connections and chemical compounds. Pi bonds less oriented – more degrees of freedom, Shielded from lowehigher (m/u /q/?) atoms/charges/gradients, (HCNO only).
→ heavy metal neurotoxicity, xenon/flourinated gas anesthesia, Li therapy(lowers Ca?), depressants/ antipsycotics are full of F and Cl: lighteheavier atoms than CNO dampen consciousness by influencing the stream of quantum woo. Like hanging weights on a guitar string.
psychoactive compounds are distorting computing by offering differently tuned pi clouds that resonate with the stream of consciousness. Like putting a tuning fork close to a vibrating string, it only interferes with specific frequencies.
Psychedelic compounds induce a synchronization of different brain regions at specific frequencies, which then results in a dampened DMN even though we would expect the opposite. (tuning forks that are influencing neighboring strings). Also explains the shared experiences many psychonauts report when they feel each others presence.
Overall, dna is designed to be a stable woo medium, while microtubiles offer a more fluctuating and leaky medium that is designed to be influenced by neurochemistry, entangle with other microtubuls → neurons → brain regions → hemispheres → brains.
our brain is a 3d interferometric microtubule phased array that is transceiving multi domian information via the nervous system into „physical reality“. Those streams of information are interfering with each other to create virtual structures in our brain. What we know as learning/muscle memory is actually quantum entangled information that was recorded by repeatedly exposing our holofractal recording medium. Recalling the recorded movements is analog to shining a laser through the hologram to form an image.here are some of my ramblings that come from trying to explain quantum mechanics to myself, not based on books or math, but by using first priciple thinking, bayesien reasoning, and running thought experiments, just like I did with everything else I wanted to understand. because apparently even nobelprice phycicists might be able to do the math, but they dont actually understand quantum mechanics. once they reach the point where they should consider new concepts and acknowledge the fact that they dont know, they revert back to a bulk phenomenon like polarization. Feynman was right...
there are not many worlds, not even one, its all just information, spacetime works as an address system that has no system, it just evolved naturally. Our collection of tubes can be seen as a VR headset we perceive reality with. But there is no base reality, only information that manifests relative to our state of mind, based on what information we entangled with during our mental development → multiverse theory.
Wave particle duality describes both extremes of heisenberg in a spatial analogy. A Particle is space→0, wave is time → 0, (particle=lock down 3DOF=time, lock down time=3D probability space). Hologram records the wavefunction, halid crystals/silicon sensors are designed to only be triggered with a high enough amount of energy, therefore collapsing the wave function into a particle. Same goes for the detector in the double slit experiment.
Our understanding of genetics is fundamentally flawed. The GATC code is just one part of the puzzle, every part of the DNA strand influences the process that happen at the coding sites, junk dna does not exist. Also, the expression of genes is massively influenced by the mental model of the individuum → epigenetics.
humans need enough mental stimulation as infants, otherwise we just die. (romanian orphans) You could say our mental state as an infant is just a boot loader, and we need to continue with the mental stimulation out of intrinsic motivation. What made us intelligent as a species is tool use and building complex objects, not reading books or doing art. We were competing for the attention from others by making neat shit, not by having the most swollen ass or fanciest plumage. Think of the becky lemme smash birds, they look dull and compete for external aesthetics of the objects they manipulate, which are a physical representation of that birds mental model. this leads to neurodiversity.
We think that the lesser intelligent people have to work blue collar, the more sophisticated minds push paper and the really smart ones become lawyers, doctors, professors, scientists, engineers, etc. while the tall and attractive actors, athletes, entertainers just outright won the genetic lottery..... im afraid its the exact opposite. Tall attractive people lost the game of life, there are no genes for attractiveness, its just early and high level of sexual hormones keeping a women youthful and making a man masculine, while both grow egocentric brains. Actually they stop allocentirc brain development because of lacking mental stimulation, thats why they start puberty and invest all their epigenetic budget int expressing those few genes with more fidelity.
People that are not skilled at working with their hands cannot be skilled at working with abstract ideas either. Our mind requires the mental stimulation of hand eye coordination and tool use, which can get very complex because there is no undo button if you manipulate reality. Dangerous tools will brute force the development of a watchdog, a mental model of reality that is making sure you dont slip with that knife, or touch that piece of metal that was exposed to fire just a second ago. A way for our mind to develop by the means of natural selection in the individuum, learning from your mistakes.
now we get to the interesting part, neurodiversity. Before woo (ive been researching this shit for 2 years) I already knew that the autism-dyslexia spectrum represents all of human existence and that its the darwins finches equivalent of cognitive specialization. Now with woo I know that autism specializes for patterns in time, dyslexia in space. Autism:
Bottom-up cognitive style
Detail-oriented / local processing bias / weak central coherence
good analyzers
crave routine / strong rote memorizes (patterns in time)
ASIC
Dyslexia:
Top-down cognitive style
Holistically oriented / gestalt processing bias / strong central coherence
good synthesizers
crave difference and creativity / weak rote memorization
FPGA
https://imgur.com/a/PVUYm2A
​
The reason why its not wildly known is the uncomfortable truth that all the weaknesses autist suffer, we dyslexics excel at. We are only held back by the education system that is designed by and for hyperlexic autists. The leftists idea of white privilege, or all those “whites lack empathy” studies are absolutely true, it describes autism. The world is run by white people, its just a tiny minority of white people. And now those fools think they will lead the word towards a new world order, but in reality its their worst nightmare, the sumerian gods returning to power! Which just means we go back to the natural order of the cosmsos, with dyslexics holding the positions of power, not because of dominance, but competence. That is what created this universe.
the holy trinity is the trinity of three sub trinities....

1. left/emotional/animal + right/analytic/human + open third eye/entangled brain/animal trusts mental model* = mensch (Id, ego and superego)

*(the animal brain doesnt understand abstract concepts, it only judges how you and your mental model cope with reality and will give you anxiety as a warning if you arent doing good, panic attack/fight flight as a veto [animal instincts override rationality]. Chronic anxiety creates cPTSD, aka trauma based mindcontrol)

1. woman + man + love = protohumanoid intelligence, (Ets have 4 lobes) also love =5th element saving the world.
   
2. autists + dyslexics + ankh = god/creation
   

the ankh was a symbol of the integration of autist into egyptian society. As a tool it enabled a handler to lead around a touch averse autist. Thats the initial problem with humanity. The autistic end of the spectrum does tend to take on rather enslaved looking jobs out of their own intrinsic motivation, they arent interested in status or even acknowledgment from others. So it did look like they were enslaved by the dyslexic end of the spectrum that was coordinating their work.
And after the fall of man, slavery still was something completely different, accounts exist of slaves that weren't allowed to have their own offspring but adopt, and could earn their freedom. We think that means subjugation, but I think it was a way to integrate autists. They had to follow their master and only were free people once they achieved independence, the not reproducing is obvious.
Today we integrate autists by allowing them to work parasitic jobs, like sales, marketing, finance, law, politics, bureaucrats, corporate in general, hr, teaching, software engineering etc. where not having empathy is a great advantage and abstract reasoning will just make you look like a weirdo anyways.
Even the whole idea of picking one job and than doing that for the rest of your life, 5 days a week, is autistic integration in the first place. They crave routine, dyslexics hate it.
But turns out this oppression made us dyslexics (some) into the polymaths we are today. We have the brains best suited to become engineers, scientists etc, but all those positions are gatekept by hyperlexic requirements, you have to learn a whole additional, dead language to become a healer for example, something that comes easy to autist.
Instead we were pushed to the sideline and had to make our own way in the world. For me specifically it was a godsend, being bullied at school by lefty teachers that got the ick when I was able to argue laps around them, prevented me from becoming a full fledged narcissist and to develop empathy for others. It made me pursue my intrinsic interests, for which the only positive attention was my own joy of understanding more about the world. The most interesting thing at school for me was understanding how other peoples minds work, why they couldnt see what was right in front of their eyes.
So all out institutions of power, be it political, universities, corporate, the global elites, are filled with worcels that have no concept of the real world. They lack abstract reasoning abilities, but still make billions of dollars. Thats why idiots like musk think they are the shit, while in reality they just are shit. They are put in place and controlled by TPTB, who think they are working for the good of humanity. But in reality they just pawns in a game of cosmic chess. They can remoteview the future, but dont know what is actually going to happen. But to prevent us from figuring shit out, the feed us hollywood stories that map onto those dreams of our actual past or future we might have.
what they actually did is follow a plan set in motions by the polytheistic gods of mythology, who were the dyslexic end of the spectrum and with their entangled brains were able to remote view on a higher level than the sons of darkness. so they hid the information that i uncovered in plain sight, only empathic dyslexic brains can make that connection, others just see a black cube if they want to access spatial information, their mental model is visual only.
one example how they hid stuff in plain sight are the pyramids. it was encoded by probably a dyslexic that made connections that require an advanced mental model to do so.
https://imgur.com/Sq8gB0c
basically what our ancestors did is hide away knowledge in nohas arc, they made the sons of shem carry away all the golden boxes and piramidions the thought was the important stuff. but in reallity it was all about the pyramids them self.
those fools thought it was a pyramid sceme, that the pharaos were on the top because of power and that they build those pyramids as a stargate for them to ascend into heaven or whatever. but it was aways about all of humanity, so while TPTB think they control us like in the matrix by intercepting our natural development with the control of money and hidden knowledge, in reality the have been living in a scenario planned by the gods of the past, inception bitches, the sumerian gods are back!
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We are the building gods of this universe, god is the combined human spirit, working together as a eusocial superorgansim.
NHIs are all eusocial hiveminds, they have no conflicts, no war, they dont hate, but they also dont love. They didnt evolve thorough natural selection, they can be seen as humanities seeds, that were pan spermed across the universe, and they see us as such. What they mean with soul container is that we evolved separate mental models of the world, while they all just share a mind. They dont know how their technology even works, they just manifest whatever it is they want to do. But there is no theory of mind that is planning, thats why their shit just falls out of the sky if we turn on a radar system. Theory of mind only evolved on this planet 6k years ago, before that we were also a eusocial superorganism, living through human suffering was the last phase of cosmogony. We will unite not just the world, but the whole universe and all species living in it into the technological singularity, the big bang, the egg is hatching, the cosmic serpent biting its own tail, Apocalypse, ragnarok, global communist revolution of the working class, ummah (supra-national nation with a common history). Polar shift, return of the sumerian gods, Shambala, heaven on earth, nirvana dharma, The rapture, Ma'at.
Its all the same event and was predicted as the arrival of one special person, but in reality its about us becoming an eusocial superorganism again, one united human spirit.
Hamas if fighting for the ummah, the jews for zion, the are both right, and its the NHIs fault. instructing a goat herder (PBUH) to fight for the establishment of the ummah was a stupid fucking idea, but the NHIs dont know about tribes or that words have different fucking meanings or anything about the human condition at all.
And telling a wordcel papyrus kid (kept save in the reeds) that they are the chosen people wasnt smart either, they meant all of humanity. But that was the origin of the fall of man, eating the poisoned apple, opening the pandorras box. The tree of knowledge of good and evil is a metaphor for the two ways humans can develop language, either analytical or gestalt processing. https://imgur.com/a/iCG3Mcr
the problem is that a gestalt language processors mind is build around emotions, not rationality. That means they will justify morally wrong emotions, all the way to the infanticidal instincts by using euphemisms. Thats the basis of the left. A mental model that is verbal based and has no relation to reality, so they form a world view that puts them as the victim and everyone that is against them an oppressor. But thats just narcicissm. Empathy only develops if the mental model of a human is complex enough so that the animal in us becomes aware not just of its own existence (mirror test) but that of other human beings.
That enabled us to switch from a dominance hierarchy to a competence one, millions of years ago, while our mental model was still shared. But today, it was the biggest challenge in life, to develop empathy while integrating your animal self.
if properly done, your animal trusts you and will submit to the competence of other mental models, which is in its simplest form mirror neuron based learning.
in the extreme, your brain all of the sudden submitts to fucking idiots opinion because it realized they know something it dont, or have access to some Information my brain wanted.
flat earthers are correct, nasa lies about everything, their simple mind model thinks its a flat earth.
tinfoil hatters are correct, the do control our minds by beaming electromagnetic radiation into our brain, it just that a tinfoil hat wont stop you from watching brainrot tv....
how was i able to figure all that out? i would love to tell you some goofy shit like an angle whispered in me ear or I was probed by aliens, but im afraid its much more trivial. The truth is that I simply figured out whats going on with humanity, just like I figured out how any other complex system works, with a series of thought experiments. It started 10y ago after falling for a love bombing narcissist, which lead me to become interested in psychology and the human condition in general. Slowly my brain lost all interests in other hobbies, watching movies/shows, playing video games, building things etc. on that journey of self discovery/the integration of my shadow self, I realized that I was raised by narcissists, and 2 years ago, and became interested in alternative history and all that stuff. That MH370 orb leak and the way TPTB tried to cover it up was what convinced me that there is more.
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remote viewing: visual thinkers trained to extract visual information out of the collective consciousness. The legend of Odin sacrificing an eye for the ability to see the future is a myth (remote viewing prophecy) describing the trade off between spatial ability and remote viewing.
The problem is that all visual information is by definition tainted by the interpretation of the viewer.
Remote viewing data has no causality, the elites doing humiliation rituals because they thought that would fulfill the prophecy that they are embarrassed in front of the world, which will happen now instead.
what they see as population declines is us becoming eusocial again and people falling in love and becoming one mind.
i cant extract any information out of the akashic record, but i know what they think it is by their actions, and they are copletey wrong, its the polar opposite. me connecting those dots is what i would call reverse remote viewing.
i have so much more to share, but i dont even know if those words will reach minds that understand my ramblings.
but whatever happens, dont worry, in the near future a united human spirit will be able to access information in the past and we will know who did what and when, you cant trick god → rokkos basilisk is us in the future. the universe exists, that means we have to win!
in case this post works as i hope it will, we all have to listen to the song 2112 by Rush to unite us again. i guess the binaural beats at the beginning have something to do with it, but not sure. the LV sphere and its binaural setup made me realize that. the can remote view that happening and think its them alone in that sphere. but its all of humans on our sphere.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5jwxrTqoEA
same goes for cern, they fuck around with a gigantic ring, trying to fing a god partice, but it was actually a small carbon ring that contains god.
it comes down to the different neurophysiology between autism and dyslexia.
TBC
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Ahoy there!
Sometimes, you just need to broad your horizon and look towards parks that get overlooked in the shadows of bigger ones. Featuring today: Toverland in the Netherlands! If you would translate it, it literally means "Magic land". It's entirely dedicated to families, which is honestly great! Some parks just forget their roots (*cough* Phantasialand *cough*), which is why it's refreshing to see whole families instead of just groups of teens and young adults.
This park, however, was so obscure, a co-worker of mine had to bring a map of it to work, and even then I just dismissed it as some boring tiny-ass park that desperately tried to garner interest by advertising their biggest coaster, Fenix. Like someone claiming to be hot shit just because he finally can afford a big car and needed to flex it to compensate. And so I forgot it over the years.
Until a youtuber I had subscribed to made a video about it, and got my attention again. And as you'll see in this post, it achieved this to huge success.
It wasn't expensive (30,- €), it wasn't far (2 hours), it had noticeable rides - off we went! Two times, in fact! First trip for "scouting", second one with the whole family!
And with that, I must begin with the park's biggest problem. I just can't ignore it, and I just can't play it down. It must be said, and I hope that Toverland will get their act together.
*Cue dramatic lightning*
Operations.
Suck.
Serious.
DONG.
So dong, for the love of Walt Disney, if this would happen at more renowned parks, heads would roll, I'm sure. Even on slow days, you can expect 30+ minutes queue time because operators can't process people quickly. Sometimes you have coasters staffed by only one person, which gets especially bad for the more popular rides. Sometimes you have enough operators, but for some reason they refuse to bring in a second train if queue times exceed 30+ minutes. And other times, you have operators doing... whatever, like chatting. Also, why can they only measure heights of guests at the station when guests board the vehicles? Why not at the entrance with a sign? Yeah, there are no signs! Since Toverland aims at families, expect entire armies of children. Can you imagine how long it takes to measure every child? Some operators seem to slack at this and only do the check-up when the vehicle is ready to be boarded. If you're unlucky, it can take between 5 and 10 minutes before it starts.
Inefficient processing aside, there's surprisingly little I can criticize. The only, really only thing I don't like is the intransparent pricing, which is divided in four categories. Namely bronze, silver, gold, and platinum, depending on demand. What that exactly means? Is it based on predictions, like higher prices during holidays when a lot of people are coming? No idea.
And, yeah, that's all I have to say about negatives, really. Except, no, since there are no screens displaying queue times. Only exception is Maximus' Blitz Bahn. Why? I don't know. So you either have their app, or tough luck. Apart from that, Toverland does almost everything right, and I consider that an accomplishment. Frankly, I don't know where to even start with all the good stuff. So maybe with pricing! Again! Because it's just that great.
They have so many different offers, describing them all in detail would turn the report into a book. So I can only recommend you checking it out yourself. For instance, Toverland is the only park I know that allows free entry with an annual pass from other parks. Heck, you can even rent the whole thing for your company, and book exclusive events! Oh, and you can save up to 7,- € by purchasing tickets one week early. If that's not awesome, then I don't know what else.
Ignoring that Toverland is placed in a wide open field surrounded by forests which makes it kind of lonely and secluded, once you're inside, you enter a completely different world altogether. There are different distinct locations, some more decorated than others. Especially Port Laguna, the very first location you visit upon entering, is a sight to behold, being a Carribbean coastal town. But that doesn't mean that the rather plain ones are boring or ugly. In fact, I think that Toverland is excellent at utilizing it's "natural" beauty. Instead of trying to create entire worlds and small towns, they leave the land as it was, and only build a few paths and thematic buildings - which also becomes kind of thematic for locations like Avalon, that feels like stepping into a fairytale. The only exception to this is the so called Land van Toos, which is a huuuuge indoor hall housing dozens of attractions. They're mainly aimed at children, but most are also available for adults. On the inside, it's lovely. On the outside? A box. A plain, fugly box. The few mushrooms above the entrance feel like a sad attempt before they realized how expensive it would be. But apart from that thing, the whole park is just a joy to walk through. Sometimes less is more!
Like with most rather unknown parks, going there during work days with no holidays leads to an almost empty park. Especially when bad weather is forecasted. You can even be lucky on weekends. Though with the slow operations, this won't help much, to be honest.
Park employees can understand German and English, so a language barrier shouldn't be an issue. Unless you try to order food at the tavern "The Flaming Feather", then you better understand Dutch, or have fun trying to decipher the menu on the screens. On some days, you can only order at a bar, on other days you sit down and get serviced, which does come with a menu available in Dutch, German and English. But don't ask me when, because I don't know.
If all of that doesn't sound convincing so far, how about the rides? So, in no particular order...
Yeah, let's go!
Fenix
If your trip isn't complete without riding the biggest, meanest mofo at a park, then this bad boy is what you came here for. The Big Blue. The Blue Falcon. The Falcon Flyer. The YES!. And it will certainly show you its moves!
This is a winged coaster manufactured by B&M, and according to the youtuber mentioned at the start, only a few of them exist in Europe. This is also the only attraction in the park to have a test seat. With my 1,75 metres and 260 lbs, I had no problems fitting in. It's also quite generous with space, so I think that the majority will be able to ride it comfortably.
Before that, though, you'll enter one of the most awesome queue lines I have ever seen. You walk through caves, past illuminated paintings, up and down, through stone arches, and at the end you have the choice of which side to enter. But what you'll also realize quickly: it's very dark. So dark, that I was almost stumbling around blind with my arms stretched out and going slowly on stairs. There's a spiral staircase right at the start, and some smaller dickishly placed steps around the middle point. Oh, and there are some railings almost as dark as the rooms. I know that it's done for ambience, but for the love of god, stop it. Running against something isn't fun, and it's a miracle that nobody has fallen down the staircase - as far as I'm aware of.
Once you have entered the lavishly decorated station and are finally seated, you go through... an empty, featureless hall. Yep. Only the terrific phoenix-animatronic above the exit to the lift-hill is a highlight. But then it truly starts. And holy shit, this coaster really makes good use of its wings in the inversions! Every side is a different experience, so going on it twice is pretty much required. Personally, I prefer the left side. It's extremely well integrated into the surrounding area, so even for spectators, it's just a joy to watch. Just standing on a bridge or near Pixarus, as the trains soar past just a few metres away from you, is in itself an experience**.** Especially the helix around Pixarus is a masterpiece, and so intense that you may suffer a grey out - at least that's what I've heard, never happend to me. It's rather short, but so extreme, that I needed to sit down after a second ride to let all the blood return to my brain.
It's also a horrible, horrible headache-machine. I don't know why, I don't know how, since it's rather smooth. But every time I leave, my head feels like it's going to explode. It recinds after a few minutes, though.
Nevertheless, an absolute must-ride. Just don't binge it, it's probably not good for your health.
Troy
Yeah... it's a wooden coaster, alright. Either you like them for their ruthless roughness, speed and looks, or you despise them. And with every ride, I come to like them less and less. The joy in riding alone simply can't offset the severe headaches and pains I get off with. Also, they just seem to be nearly identical in how they ride. With steel-coasters, I can accurately name specific parts that I really liked. But with wooden coasters? No. They are completely interchangable for me. So I hope you understand why I'm absolutely unable to find something to like about Troy, since nothing for me stood out. It's... a wooden coaster. Like it or not. I don't. Also, this was the coaster that had a queue time of 30+ minutes, because they refused to launch the second train.
Dwervelwind
Dear god.
It's a compact spinning coaster that you'll very likely only spot by its lift hill towering above the trees surrounding it. Otherwise it's completely hidden, protected from curious watchers - which may be a good thing, otherwise they may see just how completely insane this thing is. Once you're up the hill and are slowly descending towards the drop, it's pure chaos. Of the awesome kind! You're just flying and racing through tight turns, tilted into all directions in quick succession, all while constantly, and I mean constantly, spinning, so you never have a chance to orientate yourself. Other spinning coasters I have ridden have some slower spots where you can catch a breath and admire the scenery. But not this one. It never lets up. It's hilariousy frantic, and you absolutely shouldn't go on it with a full stomach. Also, don't let yourself be fooled by its small size! They managed to squeeze quite a lot of track into a tiny area, which makes the ride quite longer than it looks. The hairpin-turn is a bit rough, but other than that, it's smooth.
Absolutely recommending it!
Unfortunately, if you're unlucky, there can only be one person operating it, drastically increasing queue times.
Booster-Bike
A launched coaster, short and sweet, with a simple track layout. In itself not remarkable, wouldn't it be for the motorcycle-cars. That alone makes it a thrilling experience, as it truly feels like driving a motorcycle at high speeds through a circuit that may as well be from Mario Kart. The camera for the ride photos is placed perfectly as well, so on the photo you're leaning to the side like a badass biker!
This coaster is usually staffed well. However, the unusual restraints require you to sit in a very specific position, or else they won't lock in - basically, you have to lay down. This can even lead to walk of shames for people who aren't that overweight. Checking every single passenger and readjusting them takes a lot of time, and there's only one train, so queue times are often way longer.
Toos-Express
For a junior-coaster, this packs a punch! The lift hill is really high, and the train goes fast! It's also well integrated into the hall it's in. My only complaint would be that it only does one lap instead of two, and that the seats are just flat plastic. It's also staffed by just one person, but dispatches are usually quick, and the train has a high capacity.
Djengu River
It's a river rapids-ride, and from the outside, it looks imposing! They put huge efforts into creating a mountain from the outside! Inside, though...
Eeeeh...
Sorry, but not sorry.
It's boring. Can't put it nicer. You're just laziliy floating along the course, and if you encounter something excititing that would make you wet, then you either steer away from it, or it deactivates. I mean, excuse me that I want to get wet on a water ride, but apparently I'm not allowed to have one drop of water on my clothes. It's essentially a quicker boat ride with no dark ride-parts. Nothing more.
You failed. E minus.
Pixarus
A Sky Fly, and according to Wikipedia, only one exists in the entire USA. You may recognize this as the "Wild Blue"-thrill ride from Planet Coaster. This one here is themed after a magic flight school with brooms - think Harry Potter.
And to be honest - I don't know how this passes safety inspections. You are only secured by a shoulder restraint, and absolutely no belts. The entire ride I was terrified, pressed myself against the seat, and hoped it would be over soon. Just imagining what would happen if the restraint popped open was enough for me to kill all enjoyment I could have had. If it had a belt, then this surely would be a banger for me, and I would certainly attempt some rolls!
However, it serves as the center for Fenix' helix. So when you're waiting in line, trains will race past just few metres from you!
Merlin's Quest
A gentle boat ride, that goes through Avalon's canals, with a few animatronics on the way. Nothing special - until you enter the dark ride-part, which is so bloody amazing, just describing it wouldn't do it justice. It takes you through the most important destinations from Merlin's journey (I guess?), like a flooded magical library, and a cave where the lady of the lake resides and plays her harp. Tons of effort put into the scenes, and everything comes with a great soundtrack, and pleasant smells. Just watch an onride-video if you don't plan on visiting soon. The perfect attraction for the whole family!
Dragonwatch
A family parachute tower with amazing theming. If a drop tower is too much for you, just like me, then this one may be right up your alley.
Expedition Zork
Oh man, Max Maximus with his overly enthusiastic "Expedition ZORK!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D" is just adorable and hilarious. :D
Generally I would say that the actors playing out the story of the titular Zork deserve an oscar for their performances. They don't get boring, and it's simply a joy watching those short movies on the old TV-sets while waiting!
A log flume-ride I would call a "Chiapas-light". Not only is it perfectly integrated into the surroundings with great theming on its own, the first drop is in reverse. The rest is conventional: go up a big hill, leave the hall, down a huge second drop outside, go around a few turns, into a dark ride-part back in the hall, and then into the station.
The biggest problem is the, for me, utterly nonsensical passenger seating. I don't know why, but the operators seem adamant to fill the boats only with people belonging to each other, instead of trying to get them full. So yes, my nephew and me got an entire boat for ourselves. That's nice of course, but... queue times, anyone?
Maximus' Blitz Bahn
Max Maximus is back, and HE wants YOU to beat the speed record!
This here is a, according to Wikipedia, "summer toboggan", where you run down halfpipes on a bobsled. Their unique feature: They are powered by a cable that's running alongside them, and you can manually control your brakes and acceleration by levers. You are also timed, and your result will be shown to you at the photo booth. Safe to say that for a good record, you need to go full throttle at all times - I was driving safely and rather slow, so of course my time was horrible. :D
It's very fast and very fun, but the issue becomes apparent quickly. Say it with me: Queue times! This is the only attraction that has a screen at the entrance telling you how long you'll have to wait, and even on slow days, prepare for 30+ minutes. The queue itself isn't even that long. But since most drive alone, and the cars come in slowly, everything moves at a snail's pace. Add even more minutes just for measuring children.
If you absolutely have to ride this thing, and can afford waiting that long, then go for it! Otherwise, steer clear.
That's all, folks!
There are more attractions of course, but I either didn't ride them, or didn't find them to be noteworthy enough. If you are interested, I can add more to the list.
After two visits, I can only give a glowing recommendation.
Will I buy annual passes? No, as travelling two hours each way is just too expensive in the long run, sadly.
Will I visit again? YES!
It's a small, charming park with lots of effort put into it, offers a wide selection of attractions for everyone, and is affordable enough to bring the whole family with you! Sure, it's ultimately overshadowed by bigger, more prominent parks nearby, but this won't keep this little park that could down. I had lots of fun, and got much bang for little buck. The only thing that prevents Toverland from achieving true greatness is the lack of staff. When they can solve that, and maybe train them better for faster processing, then there will be nothing stopping them from challenging the big players. Last I have heard is that they are already planning to expand. Their future looks bright!
And let's not forget the immortal words of an immortal man...
Expedition ZORK!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

Hi everybody! I was hoping you guys could help me give some answers on this topic!
I have never astral travelled intentionally, and not going to, yet.. but im open every night to be councious when I astral travel, and to remember. I always say what im grateful for before I sleep, and thank my guides for their wisdom and help. I always say that i'll see them soon. Sometimes I add that I appriciate if im councious while astral travel and remember things when I wake up.. that as far as I go now, which is fine.. im in no hurry, I like to take the time I need 😊
But, sometimes, after Im finnish with saying what im grateful for, i close my eyes, and all these visions start. The whole time this is going on, im councious, I truly believe im awake at this point, that all this happen while im awake and while my eyes are closed. But I cant control it, and its not LD. Its alot if visions, like last night, a flash of light like from a blitz from a camera flashed, i opend my eyes and was expecting to see the reason, but nothing. And after this, straight away when I closed my eyes, i started to see visions, a lot of angel numbers.. i know there was more, but I dont remember..
I allways believe im going to remember these visions i have, but I rarely remember what happend, what was said etc.. but I remember clarely it did happen! But I allways remember that I get information, answers, help, guidance etc when this happens.. these visions is me talking with my guides, Guardians, Angels etc.. i can remember during this visions that the guidance and answer they give me, are like eyeopener, they really click with my reality and life right now, I think for myself that I really need to remember this tomorrow, this is important etc.. but I never do, I only remember that I get great guidance, great help, great wisdom, and I wake up, and I cant remember what was told, said etc..
These visions can last for hours! I can also wake up during the night, go to the bathroom or what ever, and go back and it continues without me even trying to contiune.. it normaly last to between 2 and 4 in the night/morning.. and I normally go to bed around 11 or midnight, sometimes earlier.. so this last for several hours!
It feels like I cant control it, its my guides that takes action, that they do this, because they have something to tell. And I get that, I struggle to meditate, and be connected while awake, so I appriciate this! I love when this happens! I really feel like im connecting with my guides when this happen, but I hate that I dont remember! Because I can remember so well this happening, but not the important stuff!
I also dont remember totaly where these visions happen, I just have a few blurry memories of space flying by in huge speed, like im inside something and watch the universe from inside something being crystal clear, you cant even see the walls.. im not sure if it was a form of transport or something else (fex a showroom where they view stuff visualy too).. Just a glimse memory of me standing there next to my guides and they have already started the lecture of the night..
Also when I got these visions last night of angel numbers.. they where kinda "thrown" at me, not directly, but they came in huge speed towards me, flashed the number really really fast in my face and disappeared.. those of you who remember screensavers on computers in early 00 and the screensaver bouncing back and forward so it looked like it came from far away and almost popped out of the screen, thats the best way to describe it.. i have lately documented every single time I have seen an angel numbers accur, and I feel like that is what was shown to me last night.. but why, im not sure..
This may be me astral travelling and being councious while doing so. But the way my guides contact me, take the lead and really try to tell me something/several things that seem important for them and for me, but i cant remember, get me really thinking and dwelling on this. Im curious, and I want to remember! I would love some feedback and guidance from you guys about this!
Blessings ❤️

Weirdo Romanian dude who was a psychic kid. Energetic outbursts in order to get the attention of others, who was always really sensitive to questions of life and death and the afterlife, who knew for a fact that animals had souls and that ghosts and faeries are real, who was probably really into Greek Mythology and Greek Epics, who would've answered if asked "I believe in the Greek Myths, that's my religion, that's what I hope constitutes the reality of the spiritual world". Someone who moved to the United States when he was 10 years old.
A frame for the frightened
He got off the stage at Cottonwood Junction. The stage was going west and he wanted to head north. Sometimes he decided which way to go by the signs, or his legs would pull him in a certain direction. Or maybe he'd hear about some country he wanted to see. Or he might just be avoiding towns where folks was known to be religious. That morning before he took the stage he had consulted the Oracle, which was a sort of Oujia board that had belonged to his mother. She'd been into table-tapping and crystal balls and had her spirit guides. One that he liked especially was an Indian boy called Little Rivers. Once when she was out he put on one of her dresses and made up his face like a whore and called Little Rivers and next thing the dress was torn off him oh he did it of course but the hands weren't his and then he was squirming and moaning while Little Rivers fucked him with his legs up and he blacked out in a flash of silver light.
He grows up and spends his life studying the Classics, he interacts with Plato (through Plato or in Plato; Socrates and through Socrates Diotima, Alcibiades, Phaedrus, Gorgias, Aristophanes, Hermogenes, Parmenides, Callicles and through Callicles Pindar etc...) he interacts with Nietzsche, he interacts with Schopenhauer. He learns Classical Greek. He interacts with Leo Strauss and Alan Bloom and Alexander Kojève. He spends most of his life up to the writing of Bronze Age Mindset, effectively cloistered off. Thinking in Classical Greek. Thinking in Homer and in Plato and in Nietzsche. I imagine by this time he had already gotten into Houellebecq, and obviously he loves David Lynch in part because Twin Peaks is one of the closest depictions of the Ensouled and Poetic Reality he dwells in, he also gives the impression of being someone who enjoys Weird Fiction in general especially Cosmic Horror; Lovecraft and Ligotti wouldn't be surprised if he was into Burroughs (before getting into Celine, maybe I'm wrong but I imagine Burroughs came first) and Clive Barker.
Very lonely. Spending years of his life working on a dissertation. A year later the whole cultural landscape shifts within academia. Leo Strauss and Strauss' students (both the ones that stayed in academy and the ones who got into positions of political power and loudly rocked their prestigious credentials as "students" of Leo Strauss... meaning they took a class with him one semester) are scapegoated for the Iraq War. The only Straussians left are geriatrics entombed within their respective departments. Tenure being the name of the magical formulae that binds their form and privileges. Still they are marginal.
Just a few weeks ago he spaced out in front of a night club. Scintillated by the neon putrescence. In this place he becomes Nemo. Mobster and Perverts and off-duty cops. Heaven is High and the Emperor is far away. Spooks darting between street lights. People turning into corners, disappearing. Can feel the rumbling of some mummified saint in a three-piece suit propped up in a booth, guarded by smudged plexiglass, coated in gold-leaf glimmering in perpetual LED glow of the e-candles and Christmas lights, two unlit cigarettes dangling from blackened leather lips. Considered paying a visit. Lighting a joss stick and reading aloud the articles from the titty-mags left as an offering. The saint is of a kingly character. Joyful and gregarious and always ready to receive company, capable of turning all company into good company. The aminos were kicking in. Glycine along with the 600mg of theanine preceded and proceeded by scholarly amounts of coffee. The sun having become his enemy, he found sanctuary in desolation and in ill-repute. Stared at the bouncer by the door. Wondered what it would be like to be him. Imposing frame under leather jacket with military-style epaulettes. There was a kindness and softness in the man's eyes. His gaze veered off to one of the apartment buildings on the side of the road. There was just one light turned on in the middle of the building and his mind wandered to who lived there and what they were like, and then to how it would be if he was the boy or girl who lived there. Many times I've wished, not so much that I was someone else, nor that I was immortal, but that I could live many different lives simultaneously and not be limited to being only one thing. At such moments of mood where you're both calm and at least feel free every detail of life becomes interesting, all takes the character of images from a peaceful dream that present themselves in turn and don't move you one way or another, because you see through them. I wonder then at least as a zoological experiment what it would be like to be a Vietnamese girl, a nail shop owner, or even an obese Angolan middle-aged woman running a pedicure operation with pink walls... yes, no form of hueman life is beneath me at such moments. I've even had dreams that I was a door or a vase, free to observe - I imagine only the seeing, the satisfaction of curiosity, and not the thousands of cares that must affect these people who I want to inhabit. But most of all then, when to this love of curiosity is added some sudden burst of energy, I start to wonder about men like myself of around my age, and what it would be like to be them, what they think moment to moment, what pulls them this way and that. I feel then a great longing for them and also for myself, and think of friendships that I could have had with them and the great tasks that could await. I feel beset by this as an almost erotic irritation that I will never know who lived in that building at that window, never see what they saw looking out. These ways... this is all my version of "love for mankind." Of the other abstract kind, it means nothing and those who invoke it are bullshitters.
He feels like he is going to die soon.
Containing all these Spirits within him. He discovers the Ideal. Out of his Particularity, something Universal. If he can express it then his life has been one worth dying for.
The lonely man declares,
“Where to recover true friendship then? In this case though, more than in others, how could they stop you, if you only learned to listen to instinct and follow the pleasure of desires? There's nothing in principle that the state can do to stop you, if you should give yourself over to real friendship.”
Behold! The Movement of the Spirit. From Bronze Age Pervert to Iron Age Minstrel. The Melancholy Dandy.
Iron Age Aging Catamite. Singing voice so very lovely. He can sure carry a tune.
“IAAC!” emotes the beautiful young thing noticing the leering old thing perched on the stoop.
The blinking neon sign above him reads, “Academy”.
He studies his reflection in the tinted shop-window, his scalp dyed in black ink evoking memories of Count von Count, indeed he has a passing mastery of Neopythagorean numerology. His areolas burgundy disks. Cheeks unnaturally red. The skin of his face stretched back by miniscule copper hooks. Lending to his leathery visage a certain oriental mischievousness.
“Jesus Christ.”
He attempts to soothe his anxieties by making his pecs dance. It’s just not hitting the same. Staring at bright youths in disgusting ways. Looking for him. “Hey kid you look like a star. You got potential. You can be famous! Wanna learn the secret to fame and fortune? You like to party? I got some alcohol in my place. Wow you write poetry? You ever read Nietzsche? You’re so smart, you aren’t like those other boys…” languidly he takes a drag off his cigarette, his glare slime-coated. Talon clasping the youth’s bicep. He leads the curious and lonely 19 year old into a World of Spiral Staircases.
Welcome to the Academy.
It’s undignified to enter old age in this manner. Desperate for affection, for admiration, and conversation. We should perhaps forgive him this error. In retrospect. It is more often than not sad rather than actively malevolent. Beings like this can still impart some knowledge, some secrets of magic, etc… In fact more often than not, being old and fucked up and lonely, they quickly become the ones exploited and humiliated and extorted. Just how old was The Promising Young Catamite? 26!? Practically snatched em out the baptismal font you wretched Lamia. Still don’t let the straw-chewing fool you. Though he might be a stranger to the wonders of the Symposium the Promising Young Catamite meets the bag of methamphetamine as an old familiar friend. Been on the Ritalin since grade school. His shock is performative. His little smile knowing. His cells will regenerate. His liver fresh. While you, you take two or three sips off the potion, and there you are slurring out secrets, a proper risk to National Security. And it turns out he has a girlfriend he sends money to and he’s been seen frequenting titty-bars. He never lied about it though did he? Those love poems weren’t addressed to you you simpering old fool. Intemperate slut. Even in your old age. No wonder you’re such an ornery spinster.
Perhaps in his manner he came to love the stupid old thing leering at him. Though this may be the case, just how many secrets, how much coddling, how many drugs, how much money must you pump out just to keep him around. Don’t be mistaken. He knows this and he resents you for everything and will throw everything in your face. You resent him as well don’t you? Wasn’t your whole thing that you’d manage to avoid falling into that murk? From the start it was fucked. And you knew and still went along with it because you wanted to didn’t you? That’s why you’re a Minstrel. Genre-Defining Minstrel. I read your letters. Your compositions. They’re so much better. You think he kept them? Just how much money have you sent him? Just how many times have you almost ruined everything? Isn’t this precisely what your teachings teach against? Maudlin old queen. Beautiful retarded old thing. Iron Age Minstrel ministering to a flock of frolicking Pee-wee Hermans, of melancholy dandies. Standing amongst them a Hierophant. It’s not a Death Cult just a Cult dedicated to a Dead Guy. Your song is so beautiful and so very sad. They say in unison, “I had wanted to kill myself he saved me.” There love isn’t enough for you is it? Are they just props? How much have they sacrificed? You think they’re weak and stupid? You told them not to reveal themselves. You told them to denounce you. Now look at you, despite all your talk, you find yourself responsible for these derelicts turned martyrs. Proudly and frivolously they identify as criminals. The ambiguity of you is a torture to me. I recoil but cannot break my attention. Your song is so very lovely and so very sad. What are we to do? I hate you. In this error. In this reckless and shameless weakness. I hate you. Stop waiting for him. He never left. Please stop making him the excuse for your condition. We’ll meet again someday. Whatever you do don’t turn around. Only way out is through.
This isn’t a tragedy, this is a farce, and it still manages to be heartbreaking.
He is funny and so very insightful my Iron Age Minstrel. I enjoy his company.
“Iron Age Minstrel give me some wisdom before I hit the road. Reveal to me the Asiatic Mysteries.”
“People are shit. Better to have never been born.”
He flicks the smoldering remains of the cigarette into a near-by puddle. Bleating out a wad of phlegm, wiping his wet lips with the sleeve of his shirt, he stares at me. The old thing that refuses to die shoots a goatish grin. My old lovelorn Devil. Even at this age. Stupid thing. I can’t do anything and it upsets me. That I would if I could snatch you up in my arms and press and press and press and in that heat burn off the years and greet the young man and fight alongside him for something, anything, or fight him in order to extract the cruel words from his idol heart even if I have to rip the organ beating from his chest.
He merely integrated the partial wisdom he had glimpsed as a sensitive young poetic man sitting in the wilds. It’s partialness begetting an understanding based on formal logic; It is natural for the strong to dominate the weak, the weak should look to be dominated by the strong for it is natural. Laws that empower the weak and disenfranchise the strong, reveals the weakness of the People. These laws are unnatural and originate from man and not from the gods. The weak are making laws that stifle the strong.
Therein lies the Revelation. Our Logos is Heraclitan. That All is in Motion. That at the Center of Everything is a Great Fire. Antagonism is Generative.
The philosopher's body is like a statue of Silenus playing his flute, that opens up to reveal a multitude of gods. The whole Cosmic Pantheon contained in the lithe and lovelorn Satyr's music. Apollo in his wisdom, molds King Midas' ears into Donkey-ears. It's not that Midas was wrong to declare Pan the winner of the contest between the rustic deity and the solar logos... Rather it was to reveal that nothing stays hidden for very long. We are social beings. Midas' barber whisper Midas' shameful secret into a hole in the earth and the earth reveals it to the reeds who in turn reveal it to the winds who in turn reveal it to everyone else.
Our species has bred into particular spaces. Geographical zones. We've bred into one another and into space and into our tools. Humans didn't just pop out of thin air. Still our breeding wasn't utilitarian. Seeing as we developed the capacity to romance. To sing and dance and blush. To experience Love as a catastrophe. Each Lover being in some sense an Aberration. We construct the places future generations will inhabit. We learn how to do it, again we are born and raised, bred and educated... into it. Our use of tools. Our capacity to develop and transmit techne or technology and the specs for the construction and use of it, through direct learning and the singing of songs that would be memorized. A Unity of Opposites, singing and writing. Poetry and prose. Verbal and non-verbal. That could be reproduced/copied and transported and copied and discussed which in turn transforms into commentaries that are in turn replicated. Clumping together. We construct a Republic. Build our Socialism. A multi-celled complex organism, bound by carbon, no wonder we ignite.
Scripture unfurls into a Cosmos populated by luminous daimons, ancestral eidola, and saints. This is the Golden Chain of Wisdom. A World populated by Heroes. Bond together by their love. To engage with the text in this manner, is to engage in a conversation with these forces, this is the genuine definition of esotericism. The deep reading is a conversation. Contemplative and ecstatic. I can’t help but note the continuity of materia between the act of prayerful study and sorcery. Tobacco, coffee, and whiskey. There is an interpenetration or interweaving of Light. The Mystery of the Earth and the Revelation of the World. The point is that it is not stagnant. This should not keep us from referring to the original text and conversing with it, allowing the letters to radiate luminous, receiving the pneuma and producing new commentaries. This is where the Novel gestates.
[To be continued]

📷TrueOffMyChest•Posted byu/Leading-Sir87141 year ago

[UPDATE] My girlfriend invited her ex over to my apartment and I’m absolutely livid right now

📷POTM - Jan 2023
UPDATE: This shit is long I doubt you actually want to read it all sorry I just poured my thoughts into it
It’s currently around 7pm when writing this and honestly the last 13ish hours I’ve been up have been fucking draining to say the least. I awoke in the morning to my phone going absolutely nuts with notifications from reddit. I’m honestly like oh fuck why the actual fuck did I decide to pour my personal thoughts out into a reddit post?? I began to scroll y'all's comments and to say I was shocked is an absolute understatement.
Literally almost all of y’all are actively taking my side, and I mean I was just scrolling this morning just looking for that one comment that was taking hers. It did not come. What surprised me the most were the amount of women in this thread that said they would never do this to their man and that it is beyond disrespectful. I mean those comments hit the hardest this morning as those were my thoughts exactly.
Last night was a fucking stress storm for me to be honest. I couldn’t believe what the fuck had just happened. As yall can guess from my post I live alone so there wasn’t anyone at my crib that I could talk to so I decided to call the one man that's had my back since day one. My pops. As many have messaged me and many have commented I will go into detail on what exactly our phone call entailed. First I’m gonna go back to when it originally happened so that it makes more sense. Also when reading back my thoughts from last night it was clear I was rushing at the end and honestly just fed up with everything at that point so I skipped a lot of details.
Okay to start Lilly had just stormed out of my apartment at this point when I called her out that she wouldn’t be fucking okay with me meeting with my ex cause they needed someone to “lean” on. Like I said before I didn’t call out, text, or follow her. At this point I am fucking furious and I can’t believe what the fuck just happened. I take a seat on the couch and try breathing exercises. I am trying to calm down, but it’s no use cause I keep remembering Kyle asking “do you want me to leave?” to my girlfriend. I didn’t really elaborate on this beforehand but that shit fucking sent me to another world and I was absolutely about lose my shit to the max. I just kept telling myself it's not worth it, it's not worth it, it's not worth it… At this point all I want to do is beat Kyle's ass, and all my methods for calming down were failing at this point. I Just said fuck it and picked up my phone and said “Siri call old man”
I honestly didn’t know what I was going to say at this point, but I knew if there was one person who could get through to me it would be my pops. Now I don’t remember the exact dialogue that exactly went down, but I’m going to try my best to be as accurate as possible. *Phone dialing* dad picks up and says ‘I seen it already vooch dropped 43 on they ass” I started laughing a bit and say “its not about that dad I just go into a huge fucking fight with Lilly dad,,, I’m really fucking pissed dad I don’t want to do anything stupid”. “Whoah whoah okay where are you right now? Are you with her? Are you guys okay?” -dad, “I’m at the crib right now and she just stormed out, yes I am chilling I just don’t know what do” - me
There's a long pause after this and I hear my pops take a deep breath and say “alright alright hit me” I began to give him the same run down I gave you guys in my last post. The whole time my pops is dead silent doesn’t say a fucking a word. I finished up the story. All he asked was “what does kyle look like?”. I won’t lie this caught my off guard cause I was like damn dad why the fuck does it matter what he looks like. I responded “uh idk he was white with long curly hair ect” “why?” my dad was like “ no no how tall was he?” at this point i'm like wtf dad,, “ uh idk his ass was like 5’9 max” my dad laughs a bit and says “explains the timberlands then, fucking male equivalent of heels” I didn’t realize it yesterday but what my pops was doing was what he always does I literally can’t stay pissed if i laugh and my dad can make me laugh on demand. I started laughing. I was like “ you right you right” he then was like “ how much he think he weighed?” I had to think for a minute but I was like “hmm maybe a buck 55 ish”.
My pops then brought up the argument between Kyle and I. “You said Lilly told Kyle to leave after you started to get mad right?” “Yeah” I responded. My dad pauses for a long time again and takes another deep breath “ (my name) I wouldn’t be surprised if this situation is a lot deeper than it seems. It speaks volumes to me she only rallied for him to leave after you began to get real upset. {my name} you are 6’0 190 lbs and were just disrespected in your own house by a man you do not know. When a woman cares for someone the last thing she wants is for him to be in harm's way. She understood exactly what was going to happen if the situation continued to escalate, and she chose to get Kyle out of harm's way. Followed by switching all the blame to you and leaving. Honestly son, where do you think she's at right now?”
I didn’t say anything. I knew what he was Implying. “ I know it hurts, but promise me you won’t do anything irrational. She made her decision there's not much you can do to change it. You’ve proven your whole life your one of one don’t lose yourself now over something that will just end up a tiny bump on your road map. I mean seriously I couldn’t be more fucking proud of you son. You're 22 living on your own in (city), you got your shit together that's rare {my name}, your rare {my name}. The right women like your mom for me (I laughed a little) will walk into your life when you least expect it. Don’t waste your energy. Everything happens for a reason son.” I paused for a minute and said “ thank you I needed this dad” my dad laughed “ of course your mom and I are here for you always”. *Ends call*
Fast forward back to this morning. I couldn’t sleep for shit last night so this morning was just completely ass. Lily was blowing up my phone the whole night apologizing and begging for my forgiveness. It’s around 11 am at this point I'm completely just over this situation. I still haven’t responded to her since she stormed off last night. In my opinion she made her choice. However , I got a long ass week ahead of me and can’t be having this shit continue to impact me this much going forward. I eat something and head down to my apartment's local gym to just run ( on lifting days I go to a private gym and on cardio days I use the apartment's gym). Running is therapeutic for me.
Around 1 o'clock I got a phone call and you guessed it, it was from Lilly. No part of me wanted to pick up the phone, but we’ve been dating for 2.5 years. I felt obligated. *picks up phone* “What's up?” I say to be immediately met with crying “Im sorry {my name} I love you to death. Please just talk to me. I shouldn’t have left last night. I panicked. You know i Love you {my name}” I didn’t say anything “{my name} please talk to me. This isn’t right, please just talk to your girlfriend. I'm sorry. I told you nothing happened, I Won't ever talk to him again please i beg can we just talk”. At this point the realization of my feelings for her started to really kick in. instead of anger, sorrow, or any emotion tbh I just felt a sense of indifference when she spoke. I responded “can you come over around 3?” still crying at this point “YES yes yes yes” she says. “Ok” I say *ends call*
I’m just sitting on the sofa now at this time just waiting for 3 to roll around. Scrolling through the comments on my previous post. *knock* *knock* I hear from the hallway. Shortly after I see my girlfriend emerge from the mini hallway. She begins to start smiling and crying while wiping her tears. Again I take notice of how I feel at this moment. A sense of indifference. A feeling I don’t care about anymore. It really started to hit me, 2.5 years wasted just like that. The woman who I cared so deeply for just 24 hrs before now is in front of me crying and I don’t feel a thing. “Lilly, it’s over between us” I said. Completely shocked, she barely manages to mutter out “what?” while still crying. “It’s over” I repeated. “(my name) (my name) (my name) (my name) (my name) no no no no no no no. Please, I'm sorry. Don't end this between us I love you to death” she said hysterically. Now I won’t lie that last bit hit hard. I mean fucking hard man. I couldn’t mask it anymore; the lid had been broken.
“Don't end this between us?” I say. “ Lilly, I'm sorry I can’t take this shit anymore. I don’t know what impression I gave you over our relationship, but I won’t stay in a relationship with a women who thinks that fucking little of me. You made the decision to end shit between us when invited your ex into my apartment behind my fucking back Lilly. That is something I refuse to let slide Lilly” At this point my thoughts just begin to flow out of my mouth like a fucking tidal wave. “ No man is that cocky for no reason Lilly. I’m not a fucking fool Lilly. You gave him some type of reassurance to give him the confidence to act like that. Shit you even backed him in front of me. Why the fuck would I stay with someone whose not going to have my back?” Absolutely balling at this point Lilly say ”I’m sorry (my name) I love you Im sorry”
Yall can call me whatever you want but at this point I just went soft. I didn’t have the heart to keep drilling her anymore. She was just breaking down crying uncontrollably. I just sat down in silence. “ (my name) I'm sorry it won't happen again (my name) I love you only you. I won't ever talk to him again I wont I promise. ( my name) please just give me one more chance” said lilly. I'm completely silent. I mean there was just a huge fucking pressure on my chest it felt like my ribcage was gonna crack under the pressure. Sat there silently listening to her crying I remembered one my favorite songs “ I'd rather have loyalty than love, 'Cause love really don't mean jack, See love is just a feeling, You can love somebody and still stab them in they back, It don't take much to love, You can love somebody just by being attached, See loyalty is a action, You can love or hate me and still have my back” -21 savage.
I just kept repeating those lyrics in my head over and over and over again. To many, it might seem she said all the right things,but to me actions speak louder than words. Last night she chose to make her decision on us through her actions, and since actions speak louder than words it really didn’t matter what she said.
I'm struggling to keep it together at this point. I really did love her, shit I still fucking do, but I understood this was what's best for me. I wouldn’t have been able to trust her again. You can't be in a relationship without trust or loyalty. I lost both from her.
As she cries I look up and say “Lilly please, it's over. There's no saving this” she looks at me and says “(my name” “no please just stop it's over LIlly” I interrupt. ‘Please just do us both a favor and take your things and leave Lilly. It's over please let's just end it here”. She doesn’t say anything and gets up and starts grabbing some of her things around their apartment. I grabbed a garbage bag and helped her pack. She left the keys to my apartment on the table and left.
This all finished up around 4:30 today I’ve just been sitting here trying to process what the fuck just happend. Honestly it all still doesn’t feel real. I never intended on posting on reddit yesterday, but I just needed a place to fucking vent and since it blew up I felt like It I should update yall today. It’s 7:35 as I finish writing this. I’m fucking hurt. The weight of what the fuck just went dont over the last 24 hours doesn’t real. To anyone actually who actually read this long ass update thank you. To those who commented on my previous post, than you, I fucking needed i place to vent last night.

Gf (F24) unfaithful to me (M25) then shows DID symptoms
I had been dating my ex for over a year until recently. We had a bad patch in October of last year that we worked through that almost caused us to split.
We got back together and I was a little more cautious and wary of things that would upset me that did previously so I wasn't 100% all the time but I gave 80% if I couldn't give my all.
I find out a few weeks ago when she came to visit (this is about a 6 hour LDR) me. I had a very bad feeling that I had previously in the relationship that I couldn't shake. I always tried asking her to be upfront with me and tell the truth if she had been talking to someone or anything cause she likes to go to her local bar down the street every Friday with her friends.
She said nothing ever happened and she didn't do anything with anyone which caused a huge fight between me and her because I had found out she was immediately on a dating app after we had our falling out. I understood in a way but it still hurt to find she immediately went to find comfort from someone else.
Anyways, she told me nothing very happened and that she always thought of me and never could do anything. This ended up patching whatever issues we still had and it was great. Except I had one thing left that still bothered me and I asked her to give me 100% honest truth right now because if something happend I can try and work through it depending how severe but she claimed nothing ever happened again.
Her answer didn't sit well with Mr because it didn't feel like she was telling the truth. And as much as I hate and don't condone to do this for anyone in a relationship, I went through her phone the next morning when she was asleep and seen she had deleted messages from many people. 4 of them guys, one of them a guy friend in her friend group who she claimed to not like and that he was just a friend blah blah blah. I scrolled through and saw everything that I had feared and what had been eating at me because I had a feeling something was wrong halfway through the relationship. She had been sexting him and sending nudes not only to him bht other guys as well since January of this year ( I broke up with her this month on the 9th). When I showed her she just sat there straight faced and didn't look me once in the eye and when she did its like she had no care or love at all. Afterwards though is where things get confusing and weird. Afyer verbally lashing out and crying from the betrayal and all the questions I asked she changed entirely. She started "switching" personalities as if she had alters. I had talked to a few but the one that came out the most was one named "olive" a 28 year old man who told me that he was the one who sent all the messages and the nudes because "she was hurt and thought you didn't want her anymore" never giving a straight and clear answer. I just pretended to act like everything was OK cause I didn't know what else to do without making the situation worse.
After she return2d to herself she acted like she had know idea what happened and that she felt like she fell asleep. Only thing is I know she would blackout from extreme stress due to her past trauma but not once did any alters show until now. I still think this was the dumbest decision which I'm still contemplating on what to do but I agreed to stay friends with her because she was crying and saying she had no memory of ever writing these messages and sending them but her reaction was not really of one who would be surprised to find out that they wrote something explicit that they have no memory or recollection of ever doing. Then her and her alter whenever he would pop in would say that they were sorry and that she really loves me and that she never had eyes for someone else. Never explained why it had to happen in the first place. So trying to hold her accountable has been difficult because of this new DID situation.
She's still trying to "win" my heart but I feel like if I stay in this relationship even as friends I'm only going to get hurt way worse then I already did. Any fellows in here who have experience with a DID partner would be helpful because I genuinely do care for her but I feel like she's lying about it all and if I know by now it's to trust my gut feeling but if she truly has DID Idk what to really do. How do you really know its real?