Sarah had mentioned Paradiso before and it sounded nice enough. When she said she wanted Aja to officiate our ceremony...well, we had some time while the Cabinet got ready to quiz us about what happened on Tau Ceti II. I set a course for the Porrima system by way of Volii and off we went.
I wise man once said, "you'll get distracted by bullshit every time." Well, we barely arrived when we got a strange request for assistance from resort security. There was also an unknown ship in orbit that didn't match anything in the database. Sarah and I shared a look. "After the wedding...and the honeymoon," she said. Yeah, there was a reason I was marrying her.
Arriving at Paradiso
It turns out the welcome robot at the spaceport will take your picture (for a "reasonable" service fee, natch). We got there just before dawn, which was perfect timing for what we had planned. Sarah wasn't thrilled with what was open at that hour for food, though.
\"Gourmet\" Chunks...right
Sarah's mentor, Aja, and her mom were waiting for us on the beach when we got there. Aja was everything Sarah described. Her mother was actually...well, I expected her to be nice. She wasn't as abrasive as Sarah implied. In fact, she seemed to share a lot of personality with Sarah, which might have been where some of the friction came from. The ceremony at dawn, at least, was lovely.
Vows at dawn
The resort rooms were luxurious. They also cost enough that Sarah and I could have gone to Enhance! and swapped bodies. (She just read that and smacked the back of my head.)
Getting comfortable in the room
A hell of a view...and the scenery was nice, too
The amenities of the resort were almost worth the price.
Rooftop dining with a view
Chlling at the beach
That was good for a day or so...but there was no way we were going to just lounge around at the resort, no matter how comfortable. Sarah once told me she loves to explore for fun and that's one of the things we have in common. The staff let us know that most of the wildlife on Porrima II was docile and non-threatening. Sigh...that should have been a warning sign.
We headed out in the evening, since the night was bright under the stars and we were still adapting from ship-time. We followed a path outside the resort and discovered where the staff live.
Staff quarters aren't to the same level as the guest rooms
A little further, and we were able to wind our way into the jungle and start exploring the area. There were some interesting things visible on the orbital survey map and the wildlife was interesting.
This guy was the biggest local lifeform and was pretty inoffensive
The pods on this tree were filled with spicey seeds that were a little like cardamon
Things started to get...more typical of our experiences...when we discovered a large crystalline cavern.
Crystals big enough to climb
Sarah's eyes lit up when we wandered inside and discovered this massive crystalline cathedral. The insides of the crystal opened passages that were mazelike and gave us plenty of places to explore. Of course, we weren't the first people to find it...
Crimson Fleet pirate met a gruesome end
Of course, the body had a slate filled with final words. More people would probably live longer if they focused more on trying to heal their wounds instead of preserving their last thoughts for posterity. The unfortunate looter was gored by something that sounded a hell of a lot more dangerous than any of the local wildlife. We hadn't seen anything more dangerous than a small flying raptor-like bat in our explorations so far.
The telltale roar let us know exactly what we were facing and gave us flashbacks to Tau Ceti II. Luckily, Sarah and I came loaded for terrormorph, despite the assurances of the staff. We prevailed, but my wife came dangerously close to being eviscerated.
Terror in paradise
I would have been fine heading back to the resort, but Sarah wanted to continue our exploration. "We've dealt with the most dangerous thing for kilometers around already, love. Let's not spoil things by leaving before we've finished our survey."
Trekking through the wilderness, we came across some mercenaries fighting a SECOND terrormorph. It was easy enough to snipe the beast while he was fighting them. Then we had to snipe the mercs when they started shooting at us. Why does Ecliptic seem to only hire assholes?
A natural arch surrounded by predators
It was when we found the THIRD 'morph attacking wildlife near a natural stone arch that Sarah finally sighed and agreed to return back to the hotel. Three burrowing, mind-reading, chameleon-skinned super-predators was enough for a single honeymoon. In fact, the universe seemed to be telling us that we needed to head off to meet up with Hadrian before terrormorphs started showing up and asking for immigration visas in New Atlantis.
Of course, we had to stop by the resort security office on the way out...but that is a story for another time...
These guys definitely need some natural sunlight.

"Good evening, tributes, and welcome back to the stories of Panem. Before we begin, I would like to thank Christian Blanco, the original writer of "Tales of the Hunger Games," and Lauren from "Panem Reborn." Now, since I don't have too much else to say, let's go!
Game 114 (150):
District 1: Jacqueline and Facet
District 2: Malona and Crane
District 3: Darlene and Colt
District 4: Brook and Harbor
District 5: Unknown girl and Darian
District 6: Fifi and Atlas
District 7: Bloom and Amarylio
District 8: Scarlet and Carter
District 9: Zest and Mazin
District 10: Zulu and Mateo
District 11: Unknown girl and Lee
District 12: Dorothy and Hargree
District 14: Both unknown
A plethora of excitement crossed the capital over the past year, especially their beloved commentator Camilia Ravenstil's pregnancy, which resulted in her giving birth to twins named Amelia and Cyrus, to honor the past two Game Makers. Even Winnow's victory was still in high popularity.
As the reapings rolled around on July 4th, many of the capital citizens flew to their TVs and viewing parties. Winnow made her journey from district to district with her mother and entourage from the capital. When she landed in District 4 on the late morning of the third day of the reapings, she was greeted by Mayor Chigwell. After a rather long tour of the district's harbors and jewelry stores, they stopped at a nearby seaside diner for a brief lunch. Viewers in Snow Square laughed at Winnow's face of pure boredom as Mayor Chigwell ranted about the latest trends in the district's fashion. Winnow's face soon turned to relief as the mayor brought her back to the district's reaping square.
After a little bit of time, the light blue-catered youths were walked into the square by rather impatient Peacekeepers. Mayor Chigwell finished up his speech before welcoming Winnow to the stage. She gave out a rather tired smile at the district's population before talking about the joys of being a victor. She then asked if any of the girls wanted to volunteer. After hearing no response, she then took out the name of 17-year-old Brook Branachok.
Brook was found in the back of the 17-year-old section. Her platinum blonde hair made her quite noticeable to viewers in Snow Square. She sighed dramatically before flipping her blonde hair back in a dramatic manner as her piercing blue eyes even made some of her nearby peers shudder in fear as Brook arrived at the stage and shook Winnow's hand. "She was later described as a 'rich high school bully' by commentators. The girls in a mood," Winnow laughed before shaking Brook’s hand before walking to the male reaping bowl. After a brief silence, she thrusted her hand elbow-deep before taking out the name of 17-year-old Harbor Zanders. A brief pause soon followed by a discussion as a boy with dark brown curly hair with a smattering of light brown freckles on his face gave a guilt-ridden smile before walking up to the stage. However, as a group of teens his age giggled, Harbor turned back and glared at the giggling boys as they suddenly grew quiet. Harbor soon took out a flask of wine. Capital citizens laughed as Harbor found one of his friends and tossed it to him before walking back up to the stage. Back in the capital, both Camilia and Silca and even most of the audience had been surprised at the pair's striking attitudes.
Harbor then shook Brook and Winnow’s hand before they were announced as this year's tributes for District 4 before moderate applause followed. Winnow soon brought the two tributes to the drawing room before she made her journey to District 3 with her entourage.
Brook was visited by her mother, father, and four younger sisters clinging dearly onto their sister. After successfully removing her sobbing siblings, Brook’s mother calmed her daughter down as her father, Coral, gave the best advice he could offer. Peacekeepers soon came in to bring Brook to the waiting dock. She waved and said she’d "At least try to win."
As for Harbor, he was visited by his mother, father, and his younger and older brothers. As his siblings were saddened as well as his parents, Harbor embraced them all in a tight hug. Before he was needed at the dock, his girlfriend Melanie even joined in this hug causing Harbor to show some emotion.
After a few more minutes, peacekeepers soon brought Harbor out of the room to join Brook at the dock as the pair boarded the jet boat to the capital.
"Man, you've been through the ringer, haven't you?"
"Same goes to you, girl. Haven't seen you in a year."
The pair soon chatted with each other about their experiences at the academy and gossiping about old friends. Brook, in particular, laughed hysterically when Harbor mentioned how his ex-girlfriend got karma returned to her when she crashed a birthday party at Harbor’s dad's bar, resulting in the peacekeepers putting her in the district's jail for a month.
However, as the pair tried to dine upon the food provided, the boat hit a bump resulting in Brook, Harbor, four avoxes, the dining table, and nine peacekeepers to go flying up into the sky. Thankfully, no harm came between the fifteen as the peacekeepers then helped the two back up as a new lunch buffet was arrived. And so did their mentor, Sienna Shoreville, victor of the 105th Hunger Games, arrived in.
"I don't want you two to ally with the 2s, maybe the 1s, depends on how they are."
Brook looked curiously at Sienna before saying, "Didn't Anamaria get her neck snapped by the girl a year prior?"
Sienna groaned in annoyance at remembering this cringeworthy death before walking to the bar carriage before inviting the two to join. As Sienna asked the pair about their lives, she laughed while listening to Harbor telling some stories of working at his dad's bar and the customers who would frequent the place. However, when Sienna asked Brook about her life and possible skills, Brook sighed before saying, "I guess looking pretty’s a skill."
Sienna laughed before replying, "For getting sponsors, yes, but not when you're in a fight to the death."
As this reality check wiped the smile from Brook’s face, she and Harbor finished up their meals before listening more to Sienna’s lecture about the games. And as an act to see if her tributes were actually paying attention, she quizzed them on the dos and don'ts in the capital. As Harbor passed this quiz, Sienna laughed before allowing him some "Capital Goodies." However, as Brook blatantly failed the quiz, she laughed and called Harbor a "suck-up" before walking to her room.
Sienna looked at Harbor for a second before saying, "I guess she’s either related to the mayor or is a spoiled rotten brat."
"She usually brags about her rich family members, always thinks she's better than everyone."
"And trust me, the girl ain't pretty."
Sienna and Snow Square laughed as she then patted him on the back before""telling him to get a 'nap' in before they were to arrive in the capital."
He nodded before Brook returned. It is unknown what the two girls talked about for the remainder of the trip, but our historians have noted that Brook’s scowl from before had dissolved for the time being. As evening rolled around, the pair from District 4's boat landed at Mcaine dock as an excited crowd of capital citizens swarmed the pair from 4 and their very popular mentor, who had been giving out her new jewelry to some of her lucky fans.
Brook and Harbor performed rather well, with the capital citizens enjoying their "feisty sailor attitudes." Even some reporters from Golden 24 put up a most popular tribute poll with Harbor and Brook being in the top 3, narrowly beating Fifi from District 6.
Sienna then thanked the capital for their time before taking her tributes to the limousine. Once it arrived at the accommodation tower, they arrived at the 4th floor. After arriving, Sienna called their stylist, Orivile Cartwright.
Orivile embraced Sienna before showing his tributes his pre-made outfits, which were Sailor themed, which made Brook and Harbor smile. Due to them having a fair amount of time left, Sienna displayed the post-reaping commentaries before turning on the commentary for District 1 as Orivile worked away at the pairs' outfits.
Mayor Cassino greeted a very exhausted Winnow Fraiser. Also accompanying the mayor was Realm Jones, victor of the 101st Hunger Games, and Quintin Mahoney, victor of the 108th Hunger Games, joined Winnow on the initial tour. Winnow appeared to be star-struck sitting between both iconic victors. She even turned around to Quintin saying, "I can't believe I get to meet a legend like you."
Quintin laughed before giving Winnow some comic relief during the tour, telling her about his games and even asking a few questions about her own games. At the conclusion of the tour, Realm's eyes lit up in delight as he saw his own capital mentor, Narcissa Valentions, warmly embracing her mentee.
"So what're you doing here?"
"I had some time off. I figured I'd come by and see how you've been doing. Business at my shop has been bustling as ever, so I figured I’d take a break to see my first victor."
As Realm and Narcissa soon walked over to the talent demonstrations together, Quintin laughed as Mayor Cassino welcomed the scarlet youths. Winnow was then brought up to the stage. She asked if any of the youths wanted to volunteer, becoming surprised when 10 ladies and 8 gentlemen volunteered for the role of tribute for District 1. Silca joked with Camilia, saying, "It's normal for them, isn't it?"
With the ladies' many remarkable weapon displays and archery displays, 18-year-old Jacqueline Faywether had been announced as the final volunteer to try her luck. She smiled at many nearby cameras as even one enthralled boy in the audience fainted seeing the rather extractive career girl.
She shot 10 arrows blindfolded and threw 8 knives in the letter J form, causing even more ripples of laughter sounded in the square. The mayor announced the two passing tributes. As for the two tributes, Jacqueline’s only remaining opponent, Jewel, had almost won the title of female tribute but had a stroke leading to Jacqueline to win the title of female tributes.
As for the guys, 18-year-old Facet Elixithorn had made himself a crowd and capital favorite by his spear-throwing display and to ending in a handstand with wild applause following. Three guys made it to the debate round with Realm this time asking the questions. With poise and dignity, Lance’s strong mind and less nerves had won him the title of male tribute for District 1.
After the pair were bathed and stylized, they were then brought out to the square as they then shook Winnow’s hand before she announced Jacqueline and Facet were announced as the tributes for District 1.
And after a brief meeting with their families and friends with not too much emotion, Jacqueline and Facet were then brought to the train as the train began their journey to the capital.
Narcissa, Realm, and Quintin then greeted their tributes with Jacqueline and Facet being surprised seeing their district's first victor’s mentor. Quintin soon brought the four to the table having a brief dinner with Narcissa asking the two if they had any skills besides their ‘weapons of choice.’ Quintin was pleased to hear of Jacqueline's diverse skills of weaponry before bragging to her district partner about her achievements at the Kobayashi self-defense center. However, instead of being jealous, Facet asked his district partner about her accomplishments.
Realm and Quintin were pleased with their tributes getting along with each other before showing the past reapings in the districts. Facet and Jacqueline laughed hysterically at the District 2 reaping games even Narcissa let out a smile. Quintin then asked the pair if there had been “Other commendable allies besides the non-dazzling loonies from 2 besides Jade and Hermina, they are dazzling.” Realm also chimed in adding that they should “Look for others.”
However, as Jacqueline was going to ask why Realm shushed her and said, “The career pack has their on and off years.” Jacqueline nodded before Quintin continued talking to the pair about the past reapings. Facet and Jacqueline even suggested the girl from 3 and the pair from 4 as potential allies. Realm appeared to consider this before Quintin added in that “He would see what he could do.”
As the pair nodded, the pair from 1’s train arrived in the outskirts of the capital. Narcissa soon styled the pair up, quietly complaining to Realm of how Jacqueline's red hair and Facet's long blonde curls were impossible to tame. The train then arrived in the capital with the usual excited capital crowd marveling scarlet couture. Jacqueline and Facet were both outstanding hits with the capital citizens maintaining proper etiquette. However, two capital lights had to be removed from the audience after heckling Facet about his district partner. Narcissa then wished Jacqueline and Facet luck before kissing Realm and Quintin on the cheek. Realm and Quintin then thanked the capital citizens for their time before bringing the pair from 1 to the limousine as it brought them to their accommodation tower.
Once they arrived at their accommodation tower apartment, they were greeted by their stylist, Aurelia Heavensbee. She smiled at the four of them before whisking them to the dining table showing them her designs for the parade. Jacqueline in particular was marveling at her long ruby dress as Facet jokingly told Jacqueline that they looked like a “walking jewel.” However, Aurelia frowned as Realm glared at Facet as the smile was wiped from his face. The pair then groaned in annoyance at their stylist's bland outfits.
Before the pair were then brought to the parade moments later, Facet and Jacqueline were immediately approached by Malona and Crane, both from 2 introducing themselves. However, Facet cut the pair off from further words, saying, “the career pack is gonna be different this year.” As Malona protested, Jacqueline said, ‘thanks but no thanks.” Both Jade Heath and Herminia Gold looked at the District 1 mentors in bewilderment as they also reciprocated. However, the pair from 1 then came over to the pair from 4 chatting with their mentor.
“Darling, you look stunning.”
“Oh, thank you, you dazzling ruby.”
Brook and Jacqueline seemed to obtain an instant connection. As Facet complemented Harbor’s outfit. Harbor smiled good-naturedly back before chatting away with him about lives in their districts. Facet soon asked the pair if they would be interested in an alliance in the arena; however, Sienna leaned in this conversation asking “Where are the 2s?”
Jacqueline then replied that they were “trying something new this year” before pointing at the pair making fun of Mateo from 10’s cow-themed parade outfit. Sienna shrugged as Brook and Harbor warmly accepted the offer as Facet and Jacqueline smiled saying “splendid see you soon.” When the pair from 1 got back, Realm popped up asking “You with the 4s this year.” As the pair nodded, Realm smiled and nodded with Quintin and Aurelia doing their touch-ups to their tributes' outfits. Sienna commended the pair for “making friends already,” she still urged caution before re-adding in “The 2 mentors there are my ride or dies but still keep your eyes on them if needed.”
The pair then nodded as the parade then began. Regal applause and cheers sounded for the pair from 1, but Nico Anderson lead editor of Anderson Fashion applauded for their strong impression but said the dress was “So Basic.” The pair from 4 were given a large amount of applause as Harbor and Brook waved at the audience even performing an old dance known as a “Jig”. The pair were also given a boatload of flowers and chocolate resulting in both Brook and Harbor sneezing uncontrollably at the end of the parade during President Mcaine's speech. Best dressed was ultimately awarded to the pair from 4 with their sailor-themed couture.
When the pair from 1 arrived back in their district apartment, they were glaring daggers from afar at Aurelia,
“How did it go.”
“How did it feel getting harshly criticized on live TV.”
Quintin shot Jacqueline a disapproving look as Realm asked if there other worthy allies. Both mentors were pleased hearing their success with the pair from 4 before Realm reassured them that they still looked “dazzling” before sending his tributes to bed. However, with the pair from 4, Sienna warmly embraced the two of her tributes on a best-dressed win. As Orville also joined in the group hug has the 4 of them partied till around 11:30 pm until Sienna sent her tributes to bed as she and Orville stayed up a while longer.
Bright and early the following morning, the mentors ushered their tributes to the training center with a very frustrated Apollo Price. Unfortunately, during his speech about the rules of the training center, he tasered Mateo from 10 after he tried to make a break for the door after Price’s speech concluded. Mateo’s mentor Bianca Jr Ramon rolled her eyes before dropping her mentee at the knife station.
The newly made career alliance between the District 1 and 4 tributes conquered most of the training stations with Facet and Harbor bonding over dropping and throwing large weights causing Fifi from 6 to wet herself earning a smirk from the boys. When Mateo awoke from his unconscious slumber, he immediately ran to Mateo asking him to spare. Since Mateo was no older than 14 and he was the youngest tribute the careers laughed before Facet told him to “Buzz off”. However, as Mateo continued to pester the career boys, Harbor gave Facet a knowing look before accepting Mateo’s sparing request.
A short crowd of tributes went to the jousting stations as Mateo and Harbor were briefed on the rules before being allowed to go at it. It was no surprise that Harbor won all 4 rounds.
“Easy”.
Harbor smiled warmly before being tackled to the ground by the 14-year-old boy from 10.
“You think you're better than me HA you rotten career boy.”
As Price Facet Brook and even Sienna tried to step in Harbor held his hand up to stay back. Harbor then threw the boy off him before pinching the nerve on Mateo’s neck knocking him clean out. As training master Price and Sienna looked at him in bewilderment before Price smiled saying
“Good job kid”.
Harbor smiled before Facet and he returned to the weight station and survival, knife and axe stations even giving advice to Amarylio from 7 with starting fires.
As for the girls they mainly gossiped to themselves and having “Girl talk” at the aquatic station sword station and archery stations. When any tribute tried to use the archery station both Jacqueline and Brook would melodicaly but fiercely slam there weapons into the targtes.
At the end of the traing head master price brought the tributes to the asscors room. Due to the request of the new head game maker the tributes assesment scores were kept strictly confidential. However tabloid reporters manage to scoop out that Jacqueline Facet Harbor and Malona from to managed to score at the top of the pack with a 11. Brook and Amarylio scored a 9 and at the bottom of the pack was Mateo and Hargree from 12 scoring a 3 each.
Both Sienna Quintin and Realm were beyond impressed with there tributes scores before they’re stylist sketched up potential outfits with there mentors soon quizing the pairs on interview educate.
Camilia Ravenstil welcomed the excited capital audience modeling a rather gothic dress that made her look like a ghost tree by the audience. The audience even laughed good naturedly as Camilia shook for a second as leaves fell of her costume as if wind had hit her. She then exictedly welcomed Jacqueline from 1. She was adorned in a stunning pink and red dress with her hair put up in braids. The two had some gossip before reavling to the audience that she was a decdent of Emarld Rivelta victor of the 34th hunher games. Camilia slapped her knee and laughed saying “Thats who you resmbl I guessed right I knew it!”
As the girls chatted the audience loved her regal responses to Camilas questions as even mentoning the carrer alliance brought the crowd into rapsous cheers,even when she talked about her allies from 4 openly. She then kissed Camilia on the hand before bowing which caused even more cheers before she was dismissed back stage. Facet was welcomed in next marveling a sleeveless pink suit with ruby jeans making many of the capital audience to swoon over his physeigue. Even Camilia was taken aback by his charm and confidence as he spoke about his training experience and the strength of his alliance with Jacqueline. His witty remarks and easygoing demeanor captivated the audience, earning him loud applause and admiration.
Later on into the night brook was welcomed in next with wild cheers and wolf whistles sounding. With her hair being dyed a pure yellow with a light brown dress resembling sand following her. She proceeded to have the same amount of banter with Camilia as Jacqueline did however Camilia cut her off as she was finshing up talking about her dads money saying “Honey this is the hunger games.”
“Yeah and Ill live how I like before the games.”
As a few jeers sounded the rest of her interview was rather dull the only light being Camilia shooing the “Regina George” of the stage. As Camila then called Harbor loud cheers sounded again as Harbor walked on to the stage with his curly black hair and brown eyes making him quite attrauctive to many even his pirate themed coustume became an over night sensation with many fashion designers stating that they wanted this fashionable suit.
As Camilia asked Harbor about the games becoming pleased with his short but sweet responses. Even cracking some good jokes about the other competitors mainly about Bloom from 7 and Mateo from 10 . To conclude Harbor’s inteviwed he tossed his waist coat to teh crowd as an excited gagle of captial ladies clammered for this waist coat. As his interview ended on a high. Finaly after the interview of the boy from 14 the new head game maker Natellia Swan was welcomed to the stage. Head game maker swan was adorned in a regal black gown also sporting garish make up making her resmble more of ghost then human. After introducing herself to the excited capital audience Camila smiled before shaking her hand saying that “Game maker swan has alot to accept from.” She laughed before giving hint out to teh audience by pointing to both of the laides dresses. Curious osund sof inteirgue soon followed as game maker swan smiled and bowed as she then left the stage as Camilia then ended the interviews there. The next morning tributes were given a breif breakefst before being brought to the arena’s holding room.
This years outfits consisted of black coats with black jeans and snakers with there distristicts nymbers stickered on the back of there coats. Realm visited Facet before reminding him to stick with Jacqueline and Harbor and Brook. However before Realm finished Facet replied “That girl Brook might be problem.” Realm nodded and agreed before reminding him to keep an eye on her before shaking his hand as he went into his tube. Jacqueline was visited by Quintin the pair had a similar conversation as Realm did with Facet before Jacqueline embraced Quintin and thanked him joking “District 1 needs more ladys.” Quintin laughed before hugging her back before walking Jacqueline to her tube. As for Brook she was not visited by Sienna nor Orvilve a fact that suprised her the most but shrugged before patiently puting her hair up in a bun and waiting for the tribute call to sound. As for Harbor Sienna visted him. She embacred Harbor before reminding him to “ Keep an eye on all of them.”
Harbor smiled before thanking Sienna for her mentor ship before Sienna walked Harbor to his tube his tube and at mid day the podiums then arose into the arena.
Arena Ghosty lake Game 114

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be dead in the next 24 hours.
Whether that's the Costella family, or whatever this is, I'm not sure.
The police are taking forever, and part of me knows they're either refusing to believe me, or RC got them too.
I'm holed up on our school bus, so I've got nothing better to do.
I want to tell you about my team.
We met in our sophomore year.
Strangers standing outside the club room.
Levi was the freckled brunette who wouldn't stop talking about Game of Thrones.
Sunny, a pretty redhead, told him to shut up.
Tom, a sandy blonde, nodding his head to music corked in his ears.
I just wanted to be part of a club, and get away from my overbearing mother.
I won't say it was a perfect start. Our school was lacking in funding, so anyone could join, which made us more of a Quiz Club. I had some serious anxiety, so I stayed on the sidelines for a while, watching, rather than taking part.
It's not like we actually talked to each other initially. The first few weeks, we played Jeopardy, and attempted to find more members to cement us as an official Academic Decathlon club.
Unfortunately, though, it was just the four of us.
Which made it extremely hard for us to be taken seriously.
According to Google, Academic Decathlon teams were made up of nine members, placed by their GPA.
Our principal laughed at us, but he did let us become official.
Which was out of pity, I assumed.
The club was assembled, and we started meeting up after school.
Sort of.
Sunny barely showed up, and Levi didn't take anything seriously, preferring to spend the time telling us about his weird family turf-war.
Our principal dumped us in a tiny classroom with a resident rat living under the floorboards.
There was barely enough room to move, and the four of us crammed together for three hours was less than appealing.
Still, though, I wanted to be part of a club.
I had grown up with parents who were obsessed with board games, so I was pretty good at general knowledge questions. Our club room was too small for anything else but three desks (Sunny and I shared one) and a whiteboard we had to shove through the door.
But, again, we didn't start as an Academic club.
It was more akin to Story Time Club.
Arriving late on my third day, armed with quiz cards from home, I found Tom and Sunny completely mesmerised by Levi’s storytelling skills, drowned in shadow.
They didn't even turn the lights on.
I strictly remember squeezing next to Sunny, and hearing the words, “But there was so much blood all over the floor, and my Mom told me to go upstairs and hide under the bed…”
Sitting in front of them was Levi, perched on a desk, his legs swinging, a whiteboard marker between his teeth.
Sometimes he'd get up, and illustrate parts of his story.
It sucked that his drawings were all stick people.
I won't go into full details of his life, but Levi grew up as part of a family who had… interesting methods of making a living. I had seen the guy’s father multiple times when we hung out at his place, and, yeah, my friend’s family definitely had Soprano vibes.
Levi’s Draw My Life was nothing to do with the club, but it did bring us closer.
Even if, at that point, I was considering leaving.
But it's not like it was easy to walk away from these guys. It's like finding your soulmates. Levi wasn't the only one with an interesting life. Sunny Lang was an ex kpop trainee, who was kicked out for being too fat, which led her to develop a severe eating disorder, and a hatred for her own body.
Sunny explained her family were originally from Boston, her mother growing up in Korea.
She signed up for an idol agency focusing on creating a new girl group, and had gotten all the way to the final stages, before being kicked for her weight. Sunny told us her story with a smile, though there was a hollowness in her eyes I couldn't ignore. The other girls were judgemental bullies, and the idol diet and brutal regime almost killed her.
Sunny lived in a tiny apartment with 9 girls, who would tear each other apart for a chance to debut. Sunny said all the other girls debuted, and when we (not so patiently) asked for names, she shrugged, admitting she signed an NDA that prevented her spilling the beans.
What she did say, was the K-pop idol is a product, not a person– and are made and moulded into a product.
She had zero interest in throwing her humanity away to become a manufactured doll.
So, one of us was the son of an underground family, and the other was an ex idol.
Tom was an aspiring horror writer with a famous older step-brother.
His story times were usually, That one time I went to the Met Gala.
When it was my turn to reveal my story, I told them the only interesting thing about me.
I could smell when something bad was going to happen.
They laughed, but I was being serious.
When I was a kid, I smelled my mother’s brain tumor.
I remember it smelled like curdled milk.
I asked Mom why her head smelled of mouldy milk, and Mom laughed and said it was her shampoo.
It was actually a grade two tumor growing inside her brain.
Thankfully, the tumour was found quickly and removed.
Growing older, I became sensitive to smell. The little girl choking on the bus smelled of singed wood, and the old man crossing the road stunk of gasoline.
In the fourth grade, my classmate Alex Castor smelled of lemons all morning.
I sat behind him, choking on the stink all the way through class.
Ever since I met him, Alex had always smelled… off.
It was a distinct smell I could never understand, and as the days and months and years went by, that smell morphed into a subtle orangey musk that was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose. Then, he smelled like lemons.
During Recess, I watched Alex fall off of the jungle gym, straight onto his head.
Alex Castor was dead before the paramedics arrived, my panicked teacher attempting CPR when his brains were leaking out of his ears.
The school claimed it was an accident, but Alex would have been fine if the jungle gym wasn't built on solid concrete.
I told my team members this, and Levi was sceptical.
“You can smell bad things?” He said, his lips curved around his milkshake straw. In the early days, we hung out in the local bar. It's not like we were allowed inside, but Levi could get us in anywhere.
I was squeezed between Tom and Sunny, while Levi took the seat opposite us. I couldn't help noticing our waitress was insisting on free milkshake refills, her frantic eyes glued to Levi.
I had zero idea why. Levi Costella was about as intimidating as a fruit fly.
Wearing a white shirt with a popped collar, a leather jacket thrown over the top, Levi was giving rebellious Harvard student, rather than son of a crime family.
Leaning forward, he raised a brow, clearly not believing me.
“So, you're like a stink psychic?”
I shrugged, sipping my own shake.
“Sure.”
I wasn't planning on telling him the club room smelled off on our first day.
Once we actually started the club, Levi surprised us as the smartest member, and getting to know him further, I came to the realization his family were infamous in our town.
However, his parents hid it well. Lucy and Michael Costella were the owners of a popular ramen store in our town, hiding under the facade of two successful business owners. The Costella’s were an attractive family.
Lucy was a sophisticated brunette with a lipstick smile, Michael, a handsome fluffy haired man who looked like he modelled glasses.
The two were fiercely protective over their youngest son, not so casually reminding us behind grinning smiles, that if anything happened to Levi, we would automatically be involved in the family.
I mean, they did laugh and say, “We’re joking! Look at your little faces!” when Sunny went deathly pale. But there was definitely truth behind their words.
Being Levi’s friend was… challenging at first.
Tom and I were in his room studying for finals, and an alarm went off, flooding Levi’s room in red light.
I had zero idea where it was coming from, but it locked all the doors and windows, forcing the Costella residence into temporary lockdown. Levi didn't seem fazed, casually mentioning his parents were taking care of it.
He had a whiteboard set up in his room, and was standing in front of it, cramming all of our textbook notes into one easily digestible drawing.
Levi wasn't just smart.
He was Ivy League smart, so we had struck gold with him.
His family were questionable, and yes, sometimes I did fear for my life, but as the more time we spent at his house, the Costella household became a second home. We got used to the alarms.
I just brought along ear plugs.
I wish I was writing this post about Levi’s family, and sure, they are a factor in what is going on right now, but I want to preface this by saying the events below involve the 2024 scholastic decathlon final in our town with the school’s listed:
Starbrook High School.
Ratcliffe High School.
Please note, the incident that took place last night was immediately covered up, and all phone footage was destroyed. Our town is mostly out of the way, and does not show up on Google searches.
We also have our own version of the academic decathlon, which is a more town-level competition, due to lacking funds. The four of us were desperate to start competing with our schools.
So, we started taking things a little more seriously.
We got a coach.
Mr Hanes, who was hesitant at first.
In his words, “You will hate me as your coach.”
He started by recruiting more members, announcing, “If you want to be taken seriously as an actual club, then I'll be taking the reins from now on.”
He did, and with our teachers guidance (and sometimes brutal honesty), we reached a level where we could start competing with other school’s in town. Now, none of us knew this, but Mr Hanes was obsessed with winning.
So, club meetings were twisted into two hour study sessions with no talking, followed by Mr Hanes Jeaprody, which was Jeaprody, without the actual fun.
We were quizzed multiple times, answer cards and practise questions quite literally thrown directly in our faces.
I hate to admit this (I really hate to admit this) but Mr Hanes’s tactics worked. Sure, we had been mildly brainwashed by our slightly unhinged coach, but with Levi Costella, we destroyed our competitors. Like I said, our town held their own version of the academic scholastic decathlon, but it was pretty much the same, with some changes.
Ten subjects. Language and Literature, Math, Social Science, Economics, Art, Music, Interview, Speech, and Essay.
Unlike the official Decathlon, ours was more like a game show, with the ability to be knocked out if a team member answers a question wrong. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins. Team meet ups were either tests, study sessions, or quizzing each other.
Which leads me to last night.
The finals were held in the reigning champions, Ratcliffe High School’s, auditorium.
And we were about to win our town’s Scholastic Decathlon 2024 Championships.
Well…I was knocked out in the music section. Standing next to my coach who I was sure was going to asphyxiate from excitement, I could smell the sudden potent stink of lemon. I tried to ignore it at first, but the more questions my team were answering correctly, the smell got worse, suffocating my senses.
This wasn't just lemon. The stink was like a burning, singing smell trickling into my nose and the back of my throat.
It was stronger than what Alex smelled like.
This was suffocating, drowning my thoughts.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Mr Hanes nudged me when a Ratcliffe girl was struggling to answer a question, only for Sunny to jump in with the answer. “You look quite pale.”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
My gaze was on the Ratcliffe coach, a scary looking blonde woman, whispering in one of her student’s ears.
The Ratcliffe kid freaked me out. He was way too tall, dark blonde hair, and bulging eyes I swear were not blinking.
His gaze was glued to Levi, who wore a smug grin.
There was a smaller girl next to the Ratcliffe kid, a Macbook balanced on her knee. Every so often, he leaned into her, the two of them in deep conversation.
“I'm just nervous.”
I jumped when Ratcliffe scored a point, their side erupting into cheers.
During the break, we had a mini team meeting.
Sunny rushed to the bathroom to freshen up, and I noticed a Ratcliffe girl with a bouncing ponytail following her.
Ignoring our coach’s speech, I joined the two girls in the corridor, that lemony scent hanging thick in the air.
I caught them in an awkward position.
The Ratcliffe girl had her fingers pinched between the material of Sunny’s dark blue shirt bearing our school’s name.
Sunny looked confused, her lips parted like she was going to yell.
Ponytail dropped her hand, suddenly, with a nervous laugh. “Oh! I'm so, so, sorry,” she gushed. “You had, like, the biggest spider crawling on your back.”
Sunny caught my eye, shooting me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” She made sure to keep her distance. “Uh, where's your bathroom?”
The Ratcliffe girl nodded down the hallway. “It's just down there. I'm going there too if you want me to show you?”
Sunny motioned for me to go back to the auditorium. “Uh, sure! That'd be great!”
I did try to follow them, only for Sunny to cough loudly.
I took the hint, reluctantly heading back into the auditorium.
My team was hyping each other up, Levi in the centre, sweating through his team shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I can't do this,” He groaned. “Ratcliffe High is known to play dirty, man. They're unbeatable.”
“In what way do they play dirty?” I asked, joining them.
Levi gulped down water, shrugging.
“I dunno! They're already trying to distract me with the stink eye.” The boy narrowed his eyes at a grinning Ratcliffe kid who, after noticing our stares, jumped to his feet, waving at us.
“Hey guys!”
“That's Harry Cartwright, the son of the Cartwright family who tried to kill my parents in the third grade.” Levi mockingly waved back. “As you can see, their kid is a fucking sociopath.”
Huh. I wasn't expecting the smiley kid to be the mobster’s son.
Harry Cartwright was not what I expected.
Unlike his team members, he was the only one in casual clothing, a short sleeved white shirt and jeans, a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.
Tom went pale.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “He’s one of you? Then those bastards will have a reason to play dirty, right?”
Levi shrugged, averting his gaze. It was the first time I saw his eyes darken, like he was subtly telling the boy to back off.
“The Cartwright’s have been trying to buy our land for a while,” he muttered. “I wouldn't put it past them to use the Decathlon as a way to attack.”
“Attack?!” April, another member of our team, hissed. “Like, attack attack?”
Mr Hanes grabbed the boy, resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “Ignore them,” he said. “Hey. Look at me.”
Levi did, raising a brow.
“You're losing that spark in your eye, young man.”
“Spark?”
Our coach nodded. “Look at me, kid.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I am looking at you, Mr Hanes.”
The man was shaking. I was guessing his whole career (or coaching career) was on the line.
“They know they're losing, Mr Costella.”
Hanes shook the boy, squeezing his shoulders. “You are being positive and Ratcliffe doesn't like that. They want you to be nervous. They want to make you second guess yourself and lose confidence. Don't let them get into your head.” he smiled, giving the boy a playful shove. “Kick their asses.”
“Exactly!”
I didn't realize Sunny was back from the bathroom.
The faint smell of lemons had followed her. I noticed a wet patch on her shirt collar, though she was quick to smile at me, admitting she'd spilled water down herself. Sunny wrapped her arms around Levi, squeezing him into a hug.
She hung on for a little too long, Tom dragging her away with a laugh. “Good luck, all right?” she backed away, ruffling his hair. “We’ve got this!”
When I hugged Levi good luck too, I had to resist covering my nose.
The smell of lemon was unbearable, just like fourth grade Alex.
But it wasn't as potent as earlier.
I vaguely remembered the smell starting to fade once Alex’s body was being carted away on a stretcher.
Following my captain through the crowd, I was right. The smell was less suffocating. Before he went back to the stage, I grabbed the back of his shirt.
The material was soaking wet.
“How are you so wet?” I said, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you remember what I told you in sophomore year?”
Levi settled me with a confident, but nervous smile. “Thaaaat you're scared of clowns?”
“No. I mean the boy who smelled of lemons.” I gritted out.
Levi surprised me with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
Levi did know what I was talking about. He brought up my stink sense a day earlier in front of his parents, and I had to cover his mouth to shut him up.
Leaning close, I whispered in his ear. “You stink of rotten lemons.”
He nodded slowly, pulling away. “Uh… thanks?”
I bit back a hiss of frustration. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying–”
“Starbrooke High School,” The host announced. “Can all members please return to the stage.”
Levi held up his hand for a high five.
“Can we do this later?” He winked. “I'm kinda busy carrying this spelling-bee on my back right now.”
I nodded shakily, high fiving him, and letting him jump back onto the stage.
Before his words hit like a tidal wave, ice cold water slammed into me.
Spelling Bee?
Slowly making my way back to the stands, Levi’s mistake was circling around my head. He did win a spelling bee, but that was in middle school.
Thankfully, the smell of lemons was gone when I returned to my seat.
Mr Hanes handed me a soda. “Chill out, Cassandera, it's just a game.”
He could talk. The guy was on his fifth coffee.
Mr Hanes was not chilled out in the slightest.
Surprisingly, the event went well. I was half expecting my team to be crushed by the rafters, or caught in a blaze started in the crowd. But we were doing well. No, we were winning.
Reaching the climaxing round, Sunny choked against a smug Ratcliffe boy, joining me on the sidelines.
Levi answered the next question with a confident smile.
We were winning, but Ratcliffe could still catch up with a miracle.
The second to last question was to Ratcliffe, and it was general knowledge.
”Where on the human body would one find the *orbit?*
I knew the answer, and so did Levi, his lips breaking out into a smile when the Ratcliffe boy was hesitating, eyes wide.
Our school’s buzzer went off, Levi slamming his hand down.
Bzzz!
The host turned to our team. “Starbrooke, can I have your answer?”
Levi nodded, shooting our team a victory grin.
“It's…!“ He opened his mouth to answer, his jaw slackening suddenly.
The boy’s shoulders slumped.
“Uh… “
“Um…”
“Huhhhhh…”
Levi inclined his head, blinking, his eyes glazing over. There was a sudden, hollow vacancy that sent chills down my spine. It was like someone had reached into his skull, and yanked out his brain, leaving a shell in his place.
To my confusion, our team captain frowned at his buzzer like he'd never seen one before. He pressed it, exploding into child-like giggles.
Bzzz!
The audience laughed along nervously.
Tom nudged me. “What the fuck is he doing?”
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Levi’s entire body was slumped, his hand slamming down on the buzzer.
I caught something pooling down his chin.
“Is he… drooling?” I whispered.
Mr Hanes looked mildly horrified. “Has he been drinking?
“Levi?” Tom spluttered. “Drinking?!"
Whatever we were watching, however, was definitely influenced by… something.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz!
“Young man, that is not a toy!”
The host wasn't amused. “Starbrooke High School, I need an answer from you,” He nodded to Levi, who was pressing the buzzer, his smile growing.
“Once again,” The host backed away, like Levi was contagious. “Where on the human body would one find the Orbit?”
Levi cocked his head, lips parted.
His gaze found the overhead lights, and he winced, his lips curling into a frown.
“Starbrooke High School!”
Levi jumped, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry. “Palm tree?”
The audience laughed, and I started feeling nauseous.
Across from us, I could see the twist of a smirk on the Ratcliffe coach’s lips.
Bzzz! Levi slammed the buzzer again giggling.
“Starbrooke High School, if your team member continues to act like this, I will be forced to disqualify all members.”
Our captain stopped, gaze glued to the host, his hand creeping towards the buzzer, like it was a big red button.
The audience loved it, laughing like they were watching a sitcom.
“He wouldn't.” Tom whisper-shrieked.
The auditorium was silent for a moment, awaiting Starbrooke’s response.
Levi stuck out his tongue, slamming his hand down.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz–
When Tom dragged Levi away from his podium, a Ratcliffe girl hit her buzzer.
“Starbrooke High School, you are disqualified,” the host announced. “Ratcliffe High School, do you have an answer?”
It was Ponytail who nodded with a grin.
“The answer is the eye socket! The Orbit is part of the eye socket!”
“That is the correct answer.” The host was distracted, his eyes glued to Levi.
“Ratcliffe High School wins.”
Levi jumped when the Ratcliffe wide erupted into cheers.
His eyes were wide, clinging onto the buzzer for comfort.
Next to me, our coach looked like he was going to faint.
I barely noticed Ratcliffe’s victory, too busy watching our team captain, who was Harvard bound, tipping his head back and smiling at the ceiling like a new-born baby. Tom dragged the stumbling boy over to me, his mouth twisted.
“This was Ratcliffe, right?” He hissed, shaking our captain, who was struggling, squirming in his grip.
“Did they put something in his drink?!” He prodded Levi. “Hey! What did they do to you?!”
Still, though, drugging his drink didn't make sense.
Levi never left the auditorium, and kept his water bottle with him the whole time.
How did they even manage to slip something into his drink in the first place?
Did I smell our competitors drugging him?
Sure, intentionally inebriating my teammate was morally wrong and illegal, but why could I smell lemon?
“I doubt it was Ratcliffe.” Sunny squeezed next to me. “I've been watching them. They're harmless.”
“Then how the fuck do we explain this to his parents?!” Tom whispered, grappling with Levi, who was fighting to get back to the buzzer.
When Tom let go of him, he dropped onto the floor, crawling over to his podium. It was like watching a child.
Who was determined to piss off the adults.
Levi jumped back to instead feet, his gaze was glued to the host, a smile curved on his lips, when he slammed the buzzer again.
Bzzz!
“Someone, please remove the Starbrooke boy from the stage!”
I was embarrassed, our whole team ducking our heads as our captain was forcibly removed from the podium.
Mr Hanes grabbed Levi, pulling him off of the stage.
I expected our coach to be mad at him, but I think the teacher was more worried, a phone pressed to his ear while he forced the boy into a sitting position.
No, I don't think it's influence from alcohol, I could hear his conversation.
Levi kept trying to get up, mesmerised by the buzzer. The teacher was firm but gentle. “Hey. Sit down, all right? Keep still.” He went back to his phone call, gently prying Levi’s eyes open.
From what I can see, there's nothing wrong. He's just kind of…
Mr Hanes swiped his own hands on his jeans. ... wet?
Team Ratcliffe came over to rub it in our faces, though I was still tuned into our coach’s hissed whispering.
Water? No, I don't think it's water. It smells… no, I haven't told his parents…
“You guys did awesome!” Ponytail's voice was sugary sweet. Too sugary.
She held the 2024 trophy, bearing a satisfied smile. I noticed the Ratcliffe members were surrounding Harry, like guards.
“Better luck next time, okay?” She held out her hand, her eyes twinkling.
“No hard feelings?”
“Control your dog.” Harry said, amused eyes flicking to Levi, who was once again sprinting back to the fucking buzzer. His eyes had visibly darkened, lips curled into a triumphant smile.
Harry Cartwright was watching Mr Hanes chase our team captain like it was his own personal entertainment.
I had to look away before I died of second hand embarrassment.
“What did you put in his drink?” Tom demanded. “Weed? Edibles?” the boy attempted to shove Harry, only to be pushed back. “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Harry’s smile didn't waver. “Like I said. Control your mut.”
When the Ratcliffe team walked away, our red faced coach struggling with Levi, who was behaving progressively more erratically, informed us we were longer welcome inside the school.
Tom suggested calling an ambulance, but our coach was hesitant.
We all knew who Levi’s family were.
On the way out, Tom matched my stride. He was frowning at our team captain struggling to walk.
The way he was acting was already eyebrow raising.
But walking at an angle and being unable to stand up straight was worrying.
“I don't think they drugged his drink.” Tom muttered.
We pushed through the doors out of the school, and I revelled in the cool night air grazing my cheek. “If they did, he would be acting out of it, right? So, what's the deal with him acting like–”
“A child.” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” Tom leaned closer. “Do you think this has something to do with their turf war?”
I slapped at a bug creeping across my cheek.
Levi fell over again, this time bursting into giggles.
“Almost definitely.”
Levi was right about Ratcliffe playing dirty. I didn't realize how dirty until we were on the losers bus home. Levi was in the seat next to me, and the kid hadn't moved since we left Ratcliffe, his eyes wide, lips pulled into a dazed grin.
Bzzz!
The noise startled me from slumber. I was drooling, my head pressed against the window. Outside, the sky was pitch dark, and squinting through the glass, I couldn't get a bearing on where we were. I thought I was hearing things, but when I sat up, I heard it again.
Bzzz!
It was close.
Leaning over the boy, I glimpsed a smear of scarlet on his headrest.
I choked on my next words.
“Tom.”
Tom was in front of me, listening to music.
He didn't reply, his head of dark blonde curls nodding to the beat.
“Levi.” I managed to get out. I prodded him, and his head lolled into his shoulder. “Hey. Can you… sit up?”
Bzzz! Bzzz!
When the boy didn't move, I gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward myself, something contracting in my stomach.
I don't know how long it takes for your mind to fully register something, but my body was already reacting.
Levi’s seat was infested with bugs, eating their way through the upholstery. I was aware of my body moving back. I threw up, instantly, screaming into my hand.
The back of my best friend's skull resembled a deflated soccer ball, what was left of his brain leaking from his skull where a swarm of skittering bugs chewed their way through brain tissue, metallic legs scratching the curved, pearly white of the base if his skull.
Levi’s head hung, his body flopping into mine.
But his eyes were still open, lips still stretched into a smile.
Blood ran in thick rivulets from his nose and ears.
Bzzz!
I could see them, black writhing dots alive in his eyes, wriggling movement under his skin.
“Tom!”
I jumped up, stumbling into the aisle, my stomach heaving.
And it was only when I was on my knees, swiping bile from my lips, when I realized the others weren't reacting.
Tom wasn't moving.
I pulled an Airpod out of his ear, a long, slithering string of pink attached to the end.
There was a stray bug skittering across his hand, his face starting to twitch and writhe.
Moving back, I checked myself over, my hands shaking.
Head.
Shoulders.
Hair.
Clawing through it, my breath was stuck in my throat.
Arms.
Legs.
Feet.
Mr Hanes was slumped against the window, a reddish froth bubbling from his mouth.
Sunny.
I started towards the back of the bus, but all I had to see was her bowed head, half of her skull chewed through.
Sunny was in a far more deteriorated state, her face had been ripped through, a skeletal smile glinting in the dim.
The thick black smear on the window next to her was moving.
When I screamed for the driver to stop the bus, he ignored me.
If anything, he stamped on the gas.
I moved forward to shake him, before glimpsing a bug creeping down his face.
Calling 911, the operator laughed at me.
“Bugs are eating your friends.” He said. “Do you know the penalty for calling with bullshit pranks?”
The bus didn't stop, so I stayed at the front, while the bugs took over the back, eating through my teammates.
After four hours, I risked leaning over the seat next to Tom to check on Levi.
They were eating him.
Chewing all the way through skin, muscle and bone.
I tried to stop the bus, but the driver’s hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel.
Another hour, and blood was seeping down the aisle, crawling with bugs.
Levi was gone, and in his place, a buzzing skittering pile of bugs, that I thought were going to move to a second victim, maybe burrowing into the seats.
But, no.
These things began to tremble, replicating.
Building.
Slowly, nothing became static, and static became muscle.
Then bone.
Then flesh.
When a body began to slowly form, moulded from the dead boy, I stumbled back.
These things weren't eating Levi Costella.
They were rewriting him.
…
Edit: I'm still on the bus. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm infected with whatever this thing is. I can't stop fucking itching.
I keep picking them off me but they won't stop. This bus isn't going to stop until I'm like the others.
…
Edit 2:
I can feel them chewing into my skull. They're in my ears. I keep spitting them out. Please, someone get them off of me. Help me. I don't want to die at 17.
Edit 3:
Still alive. Still breathing. Maybe they're leaving me alone????? I think I'm okay. There is a pile of bugs at my feet, but they're crawling off of me.
Edit 4:
Levi really wants to go home. Like, he just told me he REALLY wants to go home. He's got a gift for his parents.
~~Edit 5 :) ~~
Levi is next to me right now, an odd smile on his face.
The bugs are not finished building him yet, but he'll be ready soon.
We will be ready soon.
Your son says hello! He is a wonderful boy, is he not?
Mr and Mrs Costella, I cannot wait for you to meet him.
He is our greatest achievement, and rest assured, you will give us what we want.
Warm regards.
The Cartwright's.

Beginnings. Illustrious. Vivacious. Monstrous. Scintillating. Star-Studded. Nautical. Creeping. Vainglorious. Luminous. Villainous. Venerable. Exuberant. Esteemed. Legendary…. Epic. Wonderful, Briliant, Victorious, Foundational, Iconic!!! Champions. Sixteen of them. One prize. One Ultimate Champion. Who will beat all other winners and become the ultimate winner themselves? As we get ready to close the curtain one last time on Bunny’s Big Brother, let’s find out who is the Shining Star of our champion cast in Bunny’s Pokémon Big Brother CHAMPION ROYALE!
Season Finale: CHAMPION ROYALE!!!
Meet the Cast:
Season 1 – Lance the Escavalier
Season 2 – Carlos the Pangoro
Season 3 – Nickels the Nickit
Season 4 – Xio the Meowscarada
Season 5 – Selene the Lampent
Season 6 – Candy the Wigglytuff
Season 7 – Splaatz the Stunfisk
Season 8 – Dirk the Kricketune
Season 9 – Echo the Arctibax
Season 10 – Mobee the Bewear
Season 11 – Professor Bane the Crobat
Season 12 – Lisette the Solrock
Season 13 – Maeva the Chimeco
Season 14 – Dayley-Jane the Dewgong
Season 15 – DJ Volt Switch the Emolga
Season 16 – Benedict the Chespin
Intro: We are reporting live at the site of Bunny’s Pokémon Big Brother Finale House! The crowd is thick and loud as fans from all over are excited to watch the sixteen champions enter the house LIVE! We stand in Poketopia, home of the Battle Revolution! The Shining Neon Colloseum, in a penthouse suite in the grand city is where the final bout will begin! Here come the Legendary Sixteen right now!!!! Lance the original winner is so stunning in his armor! Carlos has evolved and looks much tougher. Nickels is strutting in conifdent as ever next to Xio, who looks completely unphased by all of the winners around her! Selene fits right in with the bright lights. Looks like Candy is evolved as well and—OH—she tripped over Splaatz. That’s embarrassing and you can tell she isn’t happy even if she’s putting on a smile. Dirk and Echo are next, both eyeing up the competition already. Echo being evolved now already ups his threat level. Mobee gets an uproarious cheer from the crowd! And WOW the Professor gracefully glides over the crowd! He really did escape capture back in Mazda’s Season. Lisette seems to be meditating and Maeva is pumping herself up. She looks a bit snooty now that we know how she really is but we are eager to see how she plays. Dayley-Jane gets another huge cheer from the crowd. She really is a lovable gal ain’t she? DJ clicks a track on the DJ booth to keep one last song playing but then hops out to join the entourage. She’s still keeping up her day job too, so inspiring! Finally, Benedict walks up. Unlike the others, he looks somber. Wonder what his deal is? Oh well, let’s watch them all compete in the bright stadium for the first HOH!
First HOH: In this bright lights HOH, the houseguests all race to complete a task, with the first to complete it knocking someone out of the running. In the first heat, Maeva clears first and knocks out Bane because he came in second and is a huge comp threat. In the next round, Echo wins and takes out Maeva, who just won. Splaatz wins round three by accident and takes out Day, who was big on his original season. Candy wins next and takes out Nickels. Xio takes out DJ, followed by Benedict winning and immediately knocking Xio out. Candy wins again and takes out Dirk. Echo then wins again to take out Candy before she gets too much momentum. Carlos wins and takes out Lance, Mobee then wins and takes out Carlos, Benedict then wins and takes out Mobee! Splaatz wins again and takes out Selene as she is hiding in the background. Lisette wins the next round to take out Benedict. In the final three, Echo wins again and takes out Lisette, as she did a good job hiding til then. In Splaatz versus Echo, the fish surprisingly keeps up with the dragon and at the last second, takes over?!?!?! Splaatz is the first HOH!
Week 1: Splaatz is very confused how he won that last round but Echo comes up and congratulates him. The two get along well and Splaatz works up the courage to ask to be in an alliance, which the dragon happily agrees. Bane goes to Candy to tell her that the villains need to stick together, she agrees and they grab Maeva. She is initially reluctant, not trusting Bane, but she agrees eventually. Mobee goes to monitor the living room like before and DJ flies up to him. They end up chatting and realize they enjoy each other. At the nomination ceremony, Splaatz has decided to put up DJ and Dirk, saying how he doesn’t want to make too much waves and this seems to be the way to do it best. Dirk is unamused and DJ is frightened. Echo gets suspicious of Bane and shares his thoughts with Nickels, they pull in Carlos to form an anti-villain alliance. Benedict eavesdrops and plans his next move. He goes up to Nickels and makes up how Dirk must be playing the villain this time, because he is acting weird. Nickels considers his approach but ultimately decides to trust him as an alliance member. At the veto, Carlos, Echo, and Mobee all play but it comes down to Carlos and Splaatz. Splaatz ends up winning again but while actually trying and is exuberant! DJ pleads with him but he ultimately keeps his noms the same.
After the veto ceremony, Benedict tells DJ to do as he says and trust him, as Gigi did. She agrees and starts buttering up to the villains. She gets Candy to be even nicer to the house and apologize to Splaatz. She also helps Bane create a new game. Meanwhile, Benedict starts prodding Dirk and Day, causing them to be at odds with each other. Dirk eventually snaps and lashes out at Day, shocking everyone. Maeva can tell something fishy is happening but rolls with it since it is week one. At the eviction ceremony in the glittering colosseum, the two nominees tell why they should stay. Dirk is more bitter while DJ stays heartfelt, convincing everyone but a suspicious Maeva. In the end, by a vote of 12 to 1… Dirk, you have been evicted.
Week 2: The next HOH is a high flying roulette-themed obstacle course, based off of the Neon Colosseum’s roulette rules. DJ and Mobee work together to get to the end but Nickels keeps up with them. In the final stretch, Mobee sees Nickels catching up and throws DJ, giving her just enough of an edge to win the HOH! Nickels and Maeva both approach DJ to tell her their suspicions on Benedict’s behavior. At first, they fight, but realizing they have the same goal causes them to cut it out long enough to tell her. DJ is reluctant but Maeva reminds her how he betrayed Gigi and she is firm. Benedict and Carlos become the nominees. Day, Echo, and Maeva play in the veto and Echo actually manages to come out on top over Day. Echo talks with Nickels about saving Carlos but she is hesitant, telling him that Carlos makes a good pawn next to benedict because everyone likes Carlos. He ends up not using it. During the week, Benedict begins making breakfast early, irritating his roommate Carlos and causing him to be grumpier. Xio confronts Benedict for this, telling him he is purposefully making Carlos mad and it’s brutal. He tells her he doesn’t understand the problem if Carlos doesn’t like breakfast. She sneers but doesn’t have a comeback. The next day, Benedict holds a house meeting. He apologizes if he’s been rubbing people the wrong way but he is just trying to fit in since he is newer. Lisette says that everyone should give him a chance, which the villains, Selene, and Mobee agree with. Echo, Carlos, Nickels, and Maeva are all hesitant. At the eviction ceremony, Carlos is grumpy and bitter and doesn’t do much to defend himself. Benedict, again apologizes. In a 9 to 3 vote… Carlos is evicted.
Week 3: Several house membets are completely shocked by Carlos going home, including HOH DJ and his two allies, Nickels and Echo. Also surprised is Xio. The next HOH is an endurance comp called the floor is lava based off of the Lava Colosseum! Mobee, Splaatz, and Xio are the last three remaining. Knowing she was on the outs of the last vote, Xio fights hard to survive, fighting her pain. Splaatz eventually drops and Mobee remains with Xio. Eventually, Mobee drops and Xio wins! Xio already knows her noms. She puts up Benedict next to Selene, as she was one of the people vouching for him last round. Benedict chooses to stay back and not make too much of a scene this round, lest he blow up his cover. Meanwhile, DJ and Mobee plan how to move forward. Maeva is listening in to this convo and realizes how close they are. At the veto, a mental comp, Selene ends up winning by a landslide, saving herself. Maeva rushes to Xio about the DJ and Mobee situation, and points out how Mobee is a comp threat as well. Xio decides Mobee is a good replacement, as he is likeable and a good pawn next to Benedict. Mobee holds a house meeting and cries during it, thinking he was doing so much better at being friendly this time. Maeva calls him out for his crocodile tears and argues that he is putting on an act. Lisette calls out Maeva for being so harsh and chastises her for being such a villain. Maeva asks her if she is planning on voting for him to stay and she is silent, but says that shouldn’t matter. Maeva retorts and says it’s not jury so jury management doesn’t exist yet. At the eviction, Mobee is shaking next to a smug Benedict. Benedict’s speech touches on how Mobee doesn’t seem ready for the big leagues. The bear gets up angrily and almost picks up Benedict, shocking everyone. He stops himself and realizes what he did. The vote comes in and by a vote of 8 to 3, Mobee, you have been evicted.
Week 4: The next HOH begins as they houseguests must ascend a glimmering rock wall, themed after the Crystal colosseum. Day and Maeva take an early lead but are caught up by falling rocks. Lisette closes the gap and eventually surpasses Maeva. Day and Lisette race for the end and… Lisette win! Lisette in her HOH room ponders about who to put up and ally with. She turns to Xio, Day, and Selene as her allies. The Witch’s Coven, as they call themselves, wants to shift the focus, as Benedict is doing too well at not going home. Instead, Lisette targets Maeva, who is playing sneaky, as well as Benedict’s ally, Echo. Bane laughs at Maeva being on the block and she is enraged with him. He says “it doesn’t matter since it’s not jury yet.” Having her own words turned on her, Maeva storms out and swears she will get revenge on him and Candy. At the POV, the witches’ coven is playing with three members and Xio ends up winning! She chooses to keep the nominations the same. Splaatz goes to Lance to tell him how much it means to be there with one of his heros, but Lance mishears him and calls him out for calling him a rude name. The two get in a petty argument where Lance’s bad hearing keeps making things worse. Meanwhile, Maeva tries to get the vote off of her by spreading anti-Benedict propaganda around the house. Day has a change of heart about this and wants to vote out Echo, even while her alliance is targeting Maeva. Benedict, aware his name is still out there, pleads to DJ not to vote out his ally. At the eviction, Maeva thinks she has done enough work but the vote comes out and is a 5 to 5. The Coven is shocked, one of their own must have flipped. But Lisette gets to break the tie, and is all too happy to evict her target, Maeva.
Week 5: The next HOH is themed after the Sunset colosseum, and sees the houseguests racing to stack piles of rubble. Echo, DJ, and Xio make the highest stack but DJ’s crumbles before the time limit. Both wanting to take control, Echo and Xio try really hard to build the highest. The timer buzzes aaaand Echo is the winner! Benedict instinctively high fives Echo and celebrates with him. Later, Nickels is peeved that Echo is so publicly working with Benedict. Echo tells her she had the opportunity to have a good ally but she chose to burn that bridge and that’s her fault. Offended, she tells him to make that alliance with Benedict work out but she won’t be part of it. Echo is saddened, but doesn’t want to put Nickels up. Instead, he shifts the target to former villains, with Bane being the target and Selene going up next to him. Xio cheers that Selene could be going home, making the Lamp angry at her, since they were supposed to be working together. Benedict goes on to win the veto and vows to Echo not to use it. However, at the veto ceremony, he uses it to save Selene, shocking everyone as he winks at Xio. Echo then solidifies this by putting Xio up. Selene goes to her to tell her she is sorry for their misunderstanding but they work together. Candy turns to Lisette and tells her she is tired of working with Bane and if she helps her get the Professor out this week, she will work with her. Lisette agrees, knowing everyone wants Bane out anyways. At the eviction, Xio seemingly patches things up with everyone. The vote comes in, by a unanimous vote… Bane, you are evicted.
Double Eviction: Surprise! The Jury starts tonight and the next HOH is beginning right now with one more person leaving! A quiz colosseum is held in the Sunset colloseum, with one miss causing someone to be out of the running. It comes down to DJ, Nickels, and Lisette. But Lisette gets the last question right and the other two miss, with Lisette winning her second HOH. Lisette puts up Nickels and Day. Nickels because she is playing a lowkey game but making waves in the Benedict situation. Day because she wavered on her vote for Benedict. She doesn’t put down Benedict as he is good for drama and polarizing the house, which is good for her game. Nickels wins the veto and takes herself off. Lisette decides to put up Splaatz, because she is worried he will fumble his way to the end. Most people seem to share this idea except for Echo, who wants to wotk with Splaatz. The vote comes in. By a vote of 7 to 1… Splaatz, you have been evicted and will be moving into the jury house.
Week 6: The Next HOH begins as a race through the mysterious mansion in the courtyard colosseum. No one can tell where anyone is but Candy comes out first and wins! As HOH, Candy calls in Benedict. She tells him he has been playing a sloppy and obvious villain game and he is gonna get evicted too soon if he doesn’t simmer down and get some real allies. He is shocked and admits he just wants to win. She says they all do and the least they can do is help each other. She says she will help him if he keeps causing more chaos and also gets DJ on their side. He agrees and talks to DJ. The squirrel is hesitant but decides it would be a great way of getting revenge on Benedict if she gets the chance. Candy puts up Lance as the pawn next to her target, Xio, who has been against Benedict’s chaos this whole game. DJ goes on to win the veto and chooses to not give Candy any suspicion by not using it. Meanwhile, the witches coven fractures, with Day not agreeing with Lisette and Xio feeling not supported on the block by Selene. DJ infiltrates this meeting after storms out, telling them about Xio being the real target but she has a plan to keep her without drawing suspicion if they can get Day to play nice. Xio borrows an item from Lisette and breaks it. Lisette then goes to “rant” to Day, who is being nice with her, thinking they both will vote Xio. Echo, meanwhile, confirms his alliance with Benedict, and feels like he is finally gaining more traction. But the house takes this the wrong way. At the eviction, the vote comes in, and by a vote of 4 to 3… Lance, you have been evicted.
Week 7: The next HOH begins, a waterfall diving competition, based off of the Waterfall Colosseum. Whoever makes the biggest splash wins! With her natural watery prowess, Day dives in and wins the HOH! Day is approached in the HOH by Candy and Benedict, who ask her to work with them. DJ sees whats happening and goes back to Lisette and Selene. The two talk and realize that they can’t beat Benedict’s control of the house by just going against him, but they have to work with him. So the three of DJ, Lisette, and Selene enter the HOH “accidentally” and propose the six will control the house. They say they want Echo to go on the block, as he is getting too good at the comps. Benedict is hesitant but Candy nudges him, as secretly this will be great for her game. He agrees and tells Day he won’t be mad if this happens. Echo goes up next to Nickels. The two former allies face off in the veto, both bitterly making jabs at the other for turning on them. It comes down to just the two nominees and… Echo edges her out, winning the veto. Echo saves himself and puts the power in Day’s hands to put up a replacement. Her choice is the person not in her alliance who has made affronts to her, Xio. Lisette has the whole house do tarot readings to ease the tension which goes down well. Lisette gets the Sun, a symbol of positivity and creativity. Benedict draws the Moon, symbolizing Illusion and inner conflict. He shudders when the white moon of the card turns red in his hands. Echo draws the Fool, a card of new beginnings but also endings. Selene draws death, the card of change in the game. Nickels draws the Hermit, a card of isolation and reflection. Candy draws the Lovers, with the card representing connections and pairs, symbolizing her manipulation of Benedict. Day draws Strength, a card of inner strength and Willpower. Xio draws the Tower, representing sudden downfall and incredible sudden changes. She shudders and uses the moment to apologize to everyone, saying she wants to be a beacon of hope but got lost. The house receives this well. Benedict considers flipping to Xio because of her show of faith being bad but Candy reminds him that Xio is on the bottom of the pecking order on that side, likely meaning they don’t even have to take her out. He relents and the eviction goes through. The vote comes in and by a vote of 5 to 1, Nickels you have been evicted.
Week 8: The Next HOH begins in the Sunny Park colosseum, with contestants having to hunt for pellets and use them to knock out targets. DJ and Echo prove the most adept but in a last second victory, Echo wins. Benedict goes to Echo in the HOH but Echo has realized too late that Benedict is working with everybody, even causing him to turn on Nickels. Benedict doesn’t try to hide his smug smirk as he agrees and walks out, daring him to put him on the block. He feels this must be hiding something and starts asking around the house for their opinions. Xio reveals the existence of the Witches Coven, and how they have been together for weeks, including saving her last week. Knowing of this alliance, Echo saves Xio and puts up Selene and Day. At the veto, Selene wins. Selene approaches Echo, telling him she knows of someone playing both sides, revealing DJ trying to play double agent. After she pulls herself off the block, DJ goes up as the replacement. Candy works on ingratiating herself with the outsiders in Xio and Echo, trying to forge paths ahead. But is unsuccessful at breaking Echo. Echo is accosted by DJ for putting her up over Benedict. He asks her to say why she was double crossing and she says its because she was trying to sabotage Benedict. If anything, Day, Selene, and Lisette should be the real double agents. Echo goes to rage to Selene for how she tricked him but she swears it was the truth completely, and he chose to believe it in a negative light, not her. Day joins the fight and lashes out at Xio and Selene for being the reason she is on the block. Lisette stays out of it, knowing the time to jump ship is coming up. At the eviction, Dj and DayJay give their pleas, but the votes are tallied. By a unanimous vote… Dayley-Jane, you have been evicted.
Double Eviction!!: Second double eviction because you know we gotta! The HOH starts with a lightning round of dodgeball on wooden poles. Selene is knocked out first. Then DJ gets knocked out by Candy. Lisette falls off on her own. Xio goes after Benedict but is taken out by Candy. Then Candy expertly dodges and takes out Benedict, winning the HOH. She nominates the two people who are on the bottom of the pecking order, Echo and Xio. The veto plays out with Benedict winning. Echo pleads for Benedict to help him out, as they were friends. Benedict doesn’t even look him in the eye as he chooses to not play the veto. Echo pleads to the voters to let him keep playing and he will take out Benedict, but Lisette and Selene have basically already jumped ship and moved on. The vote comes in, and by a vote of 4 to 0… Echo, you have been evicted.
Week 9: With Six houseguests remaining, they are taken to the Gateway colosseum to have mock Pokemon battles. In the first round, Xio beats Lisette and Selene beats DJ, with Benedict drawing a spot in the top 3. In a first to win two times in a row scenario, Selene beats both and comes out victorious. Selene and Lisette decide that they have to cut ties and work with the more devious players to have a better shot at the end. Selene puts up DJ and Xio, with DJ being the target. Benedict is alone in his room when he hallucinates more blood on his paws. He shouts and Xio comes in to see whats up. She helps him calm down and he realizes he is down a bad path. She helps him calm down and he thanks her, even with him harassing her all game she still helped him. Candy witnesses the two help each other out and is beyond irritated, she goes to Selene, who is still iffy on Xio, to warn her. At the veto, Candy wins it. She takes off DJ and Selene spitefully puts up Benedict, who trembles going to the block. Lisette confronts Selene for making such a rushed decision, as the goal was to keep Benedict and his threat around longer. At the eviction, Benedict argues that he has realizes how the game has changed him and he wants to prove how he changed. Lisette doesn’t believe him but DJ seems to be enamored. The vote comes in, and by a vote of 2 to 1… Xio you have been evicted.
Week 10: Five stars remain and there are five points in the Stars of the Main Street colosseum, where the houseguests go to do a full BPBB quiz! Lisette misses one question and gets behind as the other get ahead. It comes down to a tie-breaker between Dj and Benedict and the winner is… DJ! Benedict goes to apologize to DJ for real and she forgives him, happy to see his true self back again. She feels played by Selene and Candy so they go on the block. Lisette is still suspicious of Benedict and starts watching him for suspicious activity, noticing him look at his paws a lot. She decides to talk to him with the ruse of working together. At the veto, DJ wins again and claims her game, choosing not to use the veto. Realizing the danger they are in, Selene and Candy go to their respective closest allies, Benedict and Lisette. The two touch base with Benedict telling Lisette he is fine voting Candy with her, as he doesn’t want to force DJ to have to break a tie. At the eviction, the votes are read and by a vote of 2 to 0… Selene, you have been evicted. Benedict looks over at Lisette with a shocked look, realizing she caught on to him.
Week 10: As the final HOH starts, the houseguest are in the Stargazer colosseum for an epic triathlon of quizzes, endurance, and races. In the first part, Benedict pulls ahead, with Lisette on his tail. He falls behind in part two, giving Lisette and Candy a chance to catch him. The three are neck and neck in part three but Lisette comes out on top! Benedict goes to Lisette on her HOH to grovel but she stops him, saying she misheard the vote last week and though the vote was for Selene anyways so its good he didn’t make poor DJ break the tie. He feels reassured and goes back out. Lisette puts up DJ and Candy as the nominees. Lisette reassures DJ about how Benedict likes her and she wouldn’t go home. Benedict touches base with Lisette, claiming that he knows DJ has too much social traction and needs to go next because of this. On his way out, Candy enters the room and chats with Lisette. She says that the noms should stay the same so DJ can be evicted for sure this week. Lisette doesn’t trust her and tells her to her face she is no better than Benedict, but is powerless without him. The two stare each other down. At the veto, Lisette wins it, and Benedict sighs a sigh of relief. But Lisette shocks everyone by saving Candy and puts up Benedict. Lisette calls him out for faking his turnaround to play with everyone’s emotions. He breaks down, claiming his intense want, no, NEED to win the game. He can’t get it out of his head and it burdens him with the thoughts of betrayal, including the allies he betrayed this season, with Nickels, Echo, and even Xio who showed him so much kindness leaving because of him. DJ is in tears and even Candy can’t watch. Afterwards, Benedict goes to his only real ally, Candy. He begs her for advice on how to get out of this, as she helped him so much. She looks him in the eye as she tells him that he did this to himself. At the eviction, Candy gets the sole vote to evict and casts it to evict, Benedict.
The Reunion: Folks we are live again right outside the Neon Colosseum for the Finale of Bunny’s Pokémon Big Brother Champion Royale! Our Sixteen winners have been whittled down to three and it is not what we expected at all! In a house where everyone wants to be the biggest truck on the highway, we have three mid-sized sedans who have slipped through the gaps and swept their way to the end. DJ VOLT SWITCH, Elesa’s iconic Emolga who created the jams we are listening to even right now! She plays up her social game very well with honesty and loyalty, but is no slouch in the competitions. Though she has been left out of some secrets in the game, she was well=liked in the house and leveraged her position between alliances to get information! Sweet Candy the Wigglytuff who played Sickly Sweet last but downright Sick this time. She got in close with all of the villains but managed to be the cherry flavored licorice that was easier to manage. She avoided detection aligning with big villain Benedict and hiding behind the scenes of his chaos, even almost controlling his moves at points. The Sunstone herself, LISETTE the Solrock, who foresaw victory once, but is this a double reading? Lisette bided her time throughout the game, getting whatever information she could and waiting to play it until the time was right. She was at the center of multiple alliances but always stayed just far enough away from the drama that no one was even targeting her. The Sun? No Lisette is after The World!
Joining us on stage now are the 9 jurors! Starting with Splaatz—Ope watch your step, you gotta be careful or else you’ll trip. Here comes Lance the OG! Though he is old he is still our knight in shining armor. Nickels struts up so casually ooh lala. Here comes Echo, kind of sheepishly, don’t be shy buddy! Day gracefully swims up on stage, still to audience cheering. Wait, the cheering is getting louder? Oh it’s Xio! She is surprisingly well-received. Selene keeps the applause growing. She seems to be goading the audience on with her behavior, not wanting to stay out of the spotlight hmm. And then—oh wow I can’t hear anything with the thunder of the crowd for… Benedict? Interesting outcome here that our little villain has become a real crowd pleaser. Even as he walks to his seat with his head held low.
The jurors speak with our lovely reporter. Lance speaks about how great it was to come back and how this game is way changed from when he won season 1. Xio and Nickels agree, but they still worked hard to adapt to the changes. Selene scoffs a bit, another early winner, she notes that herself and Candy were very well integrated, they just needed to change their approach. Xio says it was much harder playing from the bottom rather than the top and it was a fight, but she had a ton of fun doing so. Day mentions she felt the same way. A house full of winners is not to be underestimated for a second, as they all could be planning many different things behind each other’s backs. Splaatz is—oh he’s asleep… moving on. Nickels asks Echo about how he changed his game this time, and why he turned on her. He apologizes, saying he was blinded by seeing opportunities with Benedict because he didn’t fight with him, only told him what he wanted to hear. And he realized too late that that was a ruse. She accepts his apologies and all eyes turn to Benedict. He looks up, seemingly just noticing eyes are on him. He looks down at his paws. “All I’ve seen since last season is blood on my paws. The need to win never left me. I had to do it at all cost. I lost myself in that game and resorted to every trick in the book to make the winners trust me. And it worked… but I fell deeper and deeper down the hole. And now, I don’t feel like I deserved to win at all.” Xio jumps up and makes him look up. “You deserved your win as much as we all deserved ours. It’s a game, it doesn’t have to define you. You define you, so get up and prove it.” Benedict is in disbelief that Xio is still defending him. “You hear that crowd? They were entertained, we entertained them! Your devioushness entertained them! You gave them a show by tricking a bunch of winners, so own up to it and be the entertainer we know you are.” He gives off a small, barely noticeable,but definitely real this time, smile. Xio turns to the crowd “ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR OUR FINAL THREE???” The crowd erupts in excitement!! “THEN GET READY BECAUSE HERE THEY ARE!!”
Final HOH Part 1: The HOH opens on top of the rotating Roulette wheel in the Neon Colosseum, with the audience now filled and the three houseguests circling in the middle, holding on for dear life. At the same time, they are throwing dodgeballs at each other. Candy is targeting Lisette out of spite, putting on a performance for the audience about how Lisette is a traitor to their alliance. DJ is caught in the crossfire but expertly dodges. She manages to catch a ball that Candy threw and chucks it back, knocking her out. Lisette smiles at DJ but DJ knows she still has to win. She tells Lisette she is sorry but she is done working with people and has to take her game into her own hands, not relying on others to fail but herself to succeed. Lisette agrees, but she wants to be the one to succeed. Lisette lobs a ball at Dj and knocks her out, winning Part 1.
Final HOH Part 2: Part begins with Candy and DJ on the Rotating Roulette platform again, racing around to land the colored balls in order of the competitions and the winners of each one. DJ takes an early lead, having been very aware of the game the whole beginning. Candy struggles at first but when she catches up to leaving the villains alliance and joining Benedict, she takes off, knowing how well she played Benedict as her own puppet that she controlled votes for that she easily crushes the midgame part. Her lead takes her ahead on time going into the endgame. DJ misses a key vote and has to go back, but Candy remembers who saved Benedict countless times, and gets it right, winning part 2.
Final HOH Part 3: The crowd is in uproars as Candy and Lisette reach the stage for final quiz, again on our roulette platform (we paid a lot of money for that). Each juror question goes by, with Lisette and Candy answering in tandem, Both get question after question correct, eventually reaching the last question about Benedict. The crowd is shocked as they both answer together again and… get it wrong. Well, that’s anticlimactic. Benedict sighs, no one knew his true self. But the tie-breaker is revealed, how many rotations has the rotating platform made? With both answering two numbers away from each other, Candy goes just over, eliminating her, and crowning Lisette the final HOH. Lisette has both DJ and Candy in front of her. She doesn’t say much but looks at them. She says that DJ played an impeccable social game and is incredibly loved by the fans and the house. Candy, meanwhile, played a strategic game and almost fooled her a couple times. She turns to Candy “I made a gamble with bringing a social threat to the end before with Amni, but not this time. Candy, let’s give em a show.” And casts her vote to evict DJ.
The Jury Questioning: DJ isn’t shocked, she did a lot this time around and knew she made herself a bigger threat. She exits the house and gets cheers from the audience! She hops to the DJ booth and begins playing the final epic track for the showdown between Candy and Lisette. Both have been in this position before in the final 2 and both have won, but now, only one can become a two-time winner and be crowned the ultimate Champion! Lisette opens with her speech first. She pitches her game strong, how she gravitated towards groups in the early game without committing too strongly, so she didn’t go down with the ship. She still managed to control so many votes in the house by having reach with her Witches Coven and eventually jumping ship and siding with Benedict, as she knew he was under Candy’s thumb and she could infiltrate that alliance to get to the end and destroy it. The jury is impressed by her showing and all eyes turn to Candy. Candy starts saying how she knew her game was already known going into the house and she had to play different. Her main strategy was to fall into the background and connect with the players playing sloppier than her so she could be the puppetmaster and sneak to the end. And for her, that was found in Benedict, who she found it very easy to manipulate. She is the villain they all knew she was but she wasn’t targeted because of her great strategy. She saved Benedict’s game and carried him to the end so that she could have a guaranteed extra life in the endgame with him. Murmurs arise from the jury, Benedict looks incredibly hurt. Xio asks Candy what her biggest move was outside of controlling Benedict. Candy says that she made sure that the villains she worked with got cut before she could get too powerful, even working with Lisette to get out Bane and Maeva. DJ gets up from the booth and asks Lisette why she went to the end with Candy instead of her if she thought Candy was going to be tougher. Lisette clarifies that she thought Candy would be good at explaining her game, but she knows not to rely on other’s failing but on herself to succeed, and DJ has a great story and was well-loved and if she wanted to win, she had to cut DJ and masterfully explain her game to the jury. Benedict finally speaks up to ask Candy if he meant anything to her at all throughout the game. She hesitates, caught off guard, before replying in all honesty that, she wanted to mentor him to be a better player. He says he did well enough for making it to the end twice and didn’t need her to do all that. In their final speeches, Candy says that she used other people as her pawns and navigated a really good game to make it to the end hidden amongst the other players. Lisette says that she played a perfect game, not even touching the block and noting that she has not received a vote against her in either of her games, this one being perfect. She finishes by saying how she played more up front and aggressive to counter the sneakier players of the season and did not back down from the threats that all the winners possessed. The jury is impressed and goes to cast their votes.
Jury Voting: Splaatz says he had a fun time playing again and wants to vote for someone who played really good, even showing him more how to play. Lance says that while some people are old school, some people are REALLY old school, but can still play with the best of the best and be even better. Nickels says she is honored to be in the winners season but one winner played like how she thinks a winner should. Day says she worked with both finalists, but she always felt the house pulling towards one player, as the sun has a lot of gravity and control over the tides. Echo says point blank that he felt the manipulation from both sides, but one felt malicious, and another felt like game, and he knows which he respects more. Xio says that some lines shouldn’t be crossed. Selene says that she was honored to be so thoroughly outplayed, turning from the Queen to the Pawn who was merely a stepping stone in someone elses game, it was thrilling. Benedict silently casts his vote. DJ cues the final tune before hopping down with her vote, saying that it should be obvious. The votes come in… by a vote of 9 to 0… the winner is…
Winner: Lisette!
Runner-Up: Candy!
Confetti cannons and flamethrowers start lighting up the sky with neon streams shining bright all over the sky! Though it is the dead of night, it is as bright as the sun, and Lisette is feeling absolutely radiant. Candy sits in shock, in disbelief. Lisette throws her the Lovers card again. “You misread it the first time so maybe you can learn before you try to tell the fortune teller what her fortune is.” Candy throws the card on the ground in anger and pouts. The jurors go and cheer for Lisette, the ultimate champion and two time winner, STILL having never received a single vote to evict in two entire seasons. The fan favorite vote comes in and… IT’S A TIE???
Fan Favorites: Benedict and Xio!!!
Benedict goes up to Candy, still fuming, and looks her in the eyes. “You know what, you really did teach me something. You taught me that some people never change, but I don’t have to be one of them.” Xio comes up and takes Benedict back to the celebration, sticking her tongue out at Candy as she leaves. The party goes through the night. The sun eventually rises, as Lisette has risen to the top of the competition, as this era of Bunny’s Pokemon Big Brother has come to an end.
My Thoughts: I enjoyed this season a lot. It kept me on the edge as the winners played their games again, some way better than others. Gameplay-wise, I think I preferred last season but I think it’s more so because of the subtle moves made in the dark as no one wanted to be too big of a target. The villains ended up flopping early, which kind of was to be expected, given that everyone else is a relaly smart player to have won. Candy surprised me this time, sneaking in to take over Benedict, being a key player in his storyline, even a bigger villain than he tried to be. It really helped me tie up the storyline really well and I like how it happened. She also played a stellar game again, controlling things from the chaos in the shadows. The other side of the house was not slouching though. Lisette, Selene, Xio, and Day all played smart games, not committing too much to each other but still working well enough to not crumble. Lisette as a winner for this season is great! She put in work to keep her position, as it was in danger of falling apart so much. She leveraged every ally she had and every competition she had to get forward every week. And it worked as she got to the end without hitting the block AGAIN and played a PERFECT game, not receiving a single vote to evict and getting every vote to win. She did that in a winner season too, ultimate winner for sure!
So whats next? Well... that's the end. I knew since the beginning that Season 17 would be the end but it coming up still feels so weird. I am about to start a busy summer and don't have as much time for all of my hobbies but I still feel sad finishing this series. I think I am going to make a series epilogue soon so stay tuned for that but... otherwise that's it. I thank you all again so much for sticking with me the whole time, it's been a wonderful journey!

First time Reddit user here🖐
I (F20) have a crush on one of my guy friends (M22)
Hindi ko alam kung pano nagstart or bakit pero nagka-crush ako sa kanya. Grade 8 kami unang nagkakilala and magkaklase kami nun. Describe ko nalang din sya since baka may hint kung bakit ako nagka-crush sa kanya at baka importante.
Matangkad sya, pogi (at least for me), mabait, tahimik, naka-salamin, gentleman (ksi lagi nya kaming pinapauna pag naglalakad), and introvert.
Nalaman ko rin na nilalaro nya rin ung game na nilalaro ko which is Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, and for me, ang rare makakita nun. Ksi nga naman, matagal na ung game na un.
Anyways, I think nagstart ako magka-crush sa kanya nung grade 9. Hindi naman agad agad pero during grade 9. And may signs narin pero I think I was in denial at that time. And some of my friends even told me na baka nga crush ko na raw/nga sya. And I always tell them na hindi or wala akong crush sa kanya.
So, the first sign is tuwing flag ceremony, lagi sya ung unang hinahanap ko sa pila. Hindi na ksi kami magkaklase kaya ayun. Then another sign is that nung one time, may bagyo nun and lahat ng mga friends ko, absent. And I was feeling down ksi nga wala ung best friend ko (which is also my classmate), then nung nakita ko sya, parang naging kumpleto ung araw ko. Ung tipong ok lang na wala ung iba kong friends as long as nandito sya, that kind of feeling.
Also, lagi kaming shiniship ng mga friends namin and we always get annoyed. One time, sabi ng ex-best friend ko sa kanya "magkacrush ka sa kanya" referring to me. And boy, was she right, except ako ata ung unang nagkacrush, LOL. I always thought na never akong magkaka-crush, since I never had one during my elem days. Maybe because I was too young to know that or it's just not my priority in life but...here we are.
So back to the story, there's also this one time na absent sya and required kami na atleast 80 books with passed quiz sa scholastic. And onti pa lang ung nagagawa nya so I willingly helped him with that. Which I've never done before and especially not to a guy, ni hindi ko nga ginawa un sa best friend ko (which to be fair, ginagawa nya naman ksi ung sa kanya and so as my other friends so...yah😅)
After kong mag-take ng quiz for him, umuwi na ko at chinat ko sya para ipaalam sa kanya. Sabi ko pa nga na kung walang tutulong sa kanya then sino? Fast forward, it was our prom (still in 9th grade) and during the prom, naglipatan ng upuan ung mga tao, including us and katabi ko sya. I was honestly expecting him to ask me to dance but he never did. Which is also another sign that I ignored. But I had fun anyways ksi may pinapakita sya dun sa phone nya sa FB na mga sentence, and sabay namin binasa. Tawa nga kami nang tawa eh, so it's not all bad. Plus nag-picture kaming dalawa at nagpicture din kami ng iba kong friends, at classmates.
Time skipped, naging school mate ko sya until 10th grade and nung last day na namin nung bandang March, un na ung huli ko syang nakita. Ksi nagka-pandemic nun. So during my senior high years, hindi ko sure kung kailan ako napaisip sa kanya pero at some point, naiisip ko na sya. We stay in contact at nakakapag-chat pa naman kami kahit onti. And whenever it's his birthday, I always greet him or whenever there's a special day like Christmas or new year. Sadly, he never greeted me on my birthday, not even once. Probably because hindi nya alam, nakalimutan, or whatever. But it wasn't a big deal since as far as I know, he's not chatty or doesn't talk much when it comes to chat. Everytime ksi na mag-chat chat kami, ang ikli lang ng reply nya while kay haba haba ng akin (yah, he's that type of person)
Which led me to today. Sabi ko sa sarili ko na baka hindi sya worth it maging crush. Ksi kung sa simpleng chat pa lang nakaka walang gana na, what more kung maging mag-jowa kami, right? I mean I get na hindi sya mahilig mag-chat or whatever, pero nakaka walang gana ksi pag ganun ung kausap mo, imagine mo nalang kung in person mo kausap tapos ganun mag-salita ung tao, diba? But anyways, sanay naman ako na ma-ignore or hindi replyan agad pero syempre nakakapagod din pag ganun. Anyways, ung crush ko sa kanya, parang hindi totoo. Ksi lagi kong iniimagine ung mga traits na gusto ko na meron sya tapos mamaya, wala pla, oh diba?
So infatuation lang tong nararamdaman ko sa kanya (or at least that's what I thought). I'm the type of person who has wild imaginations but can't illustrate them. I'm also an overthinker so when that two combines, it may become bad. Especially, if the results are negative or can result into negative things. So after a few years of thinking about it, I asked my college friends if may crush ba talaga ako sa kanya and they confirmed that I indeed have a crush on him. And dun ko lang nalaman na in denial ako all this time. Madalas ko ksi syang naiisip everytime na nakakakita ako ng black or red. And pag manonood ako ng anime, sya laging nasa isip ko.
And I also told myself na hindi ako inlove sa kanya ksi hindi ko naman sya namimiss. Or I do not crave for his presence. Tsaka isa pa, baka ung memories lang ung namimiss ko at hindi ung mismong tao. Another thing pla is may duda din ako ngayon kung crush ko ba talaga sya as a person or crush ko lang sya dahil sa mga fake scenarios na naiimbento ko sa isip ko? And yes, he does know that I have a crush on him, umamin ako sa kanya kaso through chat lang. Which sucks because he's my first ever crush and I want it to be special and memorable. Gusto ko sana na umamin in person pero since matagal na kami hindi nagkikita, I just decided to confess through chat.
I was honestly expecting to get rejected, like ready na ko na ma-reject but to my surprise, crush nya rin daw ako. Like...WTF?! Na-crushback ako, wow! But anyways, I wasn't really expecting anything since gusto ko lang umamin ksi baka pag-sisihan ko sa future pag di ko ginawa. Pero ayoko magka-jowa kaya wala akong ineexpect sa kanya. Pero at some point, parang gusto ko rin maranasan kung ano feeling ng may jowa. But because of today's generation, naging kontento nalang ako sa paggawa ng mga fake stories in order to cope up with my feelings.
Sa mga stories na un, inapply ko ung mga bagay na gusto ko sa isang relationship. Kaya I decided na maging single nalang forever and kalimutan ung crush ko sa kanya kaso, mahirap eh. Ksi pag nakikinig ako ng love songs, sya agad una kong naiisip (and ung ibang bagay na minention ko kanina na naaalala ko sa kanya). Like please, gusto ko lang naman mawala ung crush ko sa kanya. And just stay friends with him nalang.
So to my fellow single people out there na nakakaranas din ng ganito or sa mga taong naka-move on sa crush nila, please give me advice on how to forget my crush or lose this kind of interest in him.
And sorry sa sobrang haba na paragraph, I just wanted to share how I feel and I want to know na hindi ako nag-iisa. And if you need clarifications or you have questions regarding my story, just let me know. Thank you for your time💜

For context, I have a history of OCD, starting around 10 years old (starting off strong with the co-morbidities rate) and quiet BPD starting around age 20. (Estimation on both of those.) I grew up with parents who also had trauma and are entirely emotionally immature, causing emotional/psychological/financial abuse and emotional neglect.
My working theories are that my father possibly has ADHD and narcissistic traits, as he explains being exactly like a family member of ours who seems to exhibit ADHD traits, as a child, and therefore they family member is perfectly normal. The ADHD would explain his self-proclaimed constant energy and the pile of projects he begins and abandons. This could also be a reason feeding his episodes of spontaneous rage. (or maybe he’s ~just~ abusive.)
My mother (who had some extra spicy trauma including drug use during pregnancy from her mother) which seems to have led to learning disabilities such as dyslexia and dyscalculia. She is easily fooled, consistently does not understand/feels defensive about coming off as rude when “not trying to be” as she says, some sensory issues, and frankly some borderline tendencies to blow up and then tell you how much she loves you. (I unfortunately know these feelings all too well.) She also says that she feels she deals with hyper empathy. (Ironic, but go off sis, maybe she does.) She has a hard time with idioms when they aren’t the common everyday ones and even those she seems to ~slightly~ be off on.
My family has several autistic children on my father’s side and mother’s side. Until now, I would absolutely not had expected anyone in my family to be autistic.
Here are my traits that I find a little fishy to all co-exist.
My mother reports this about my early childhood:

• I did not like people or being around people & I hid that anxiety well. (Still do.)
• I spoke earlier than my siblings, and in general.
• I was an advanced reader, and was reading before kindergarten. (Stopped reading as much around 12 because I lost all attention span/ability to focus on it. Most an audiobook type of person now.)
• When I started school I seemed more anxious and stimming behaviors, such as leg bouncing seemed to occur.
• She reports no difficulty with transitions. (However, as an adult I feel I do need extra time to move from task to task.)
• Uncomfortable with hugging and touching other people. (Yep)
• I was “mature for my age.” “An old woman in a child’s body.” (Sigh)
• I would seem to be off in my own little world.
• I would try to control play with friends and become upset if they didn’t play how I wanted to. (I remember as a child feeling as if I was “hosting” my friend like an adult with a guest and after a few hours I felt tired of doing so.)
• I would constantly call to get picked up from the sleepover and was most comfortable being home.
• I would enjoy a friends company but after a few hours I was happy to say goodbye to my gist. I seemed relieved when they were gone.
• I was stuck to my mother’s side.
• I couldn’t really tolerate the heat or loud noises (I would/do cover my ears.)
• I was possessive of my things.
• I would cry when I was angry. (Included because she fails to remember any “meltdowns” only this and possibly shutdowns.)
• I was very clumsy.
• I couldn’t tolerate tight clothing.
• I did have an interest in running water in the bath and sinks. (I asked her this because I heard it’s a thing. lol)
• I seemed to dislike the sensation of brushing my teeth.
• I’d have my name called multiple times and would not respond.
• I would focus intensely on activities.
• I would talk non-stop or I would be very quiet.
• I would want the same baby doll from the store every single time. I had 20+ of the exact same baby doll, and for a lot of them I would give them names and write it on the back of their heads. 😭😭
• I seemed to internalize/shut down instead of externalize or throw fits.
• I generally only kept one friend at a time.
• I was very shy.
• I also stayed around adults.
• I tended to follow my sister around, (and I often do still, at all family social events, even to the bathroom.)
• My interests dominated the conversation. For me, this was the high school musical to twilight pipeline. I had everything themes twilight that I possibly could. Blankets, popcorn buckets, candy boxes (gifts from teachers who saw me as the child who was obsessed with twilight)(my classmates also saw me that way), etc and etc. I made scrapbooks and saved stickers and tattoos and even knew where they were filming the next movies. (rio.)
• I asked a lot of questions

When I did the CAST assessment with her about myself as a young child, I scored a 19 out of 31, “indicating possibly AS or related social-communication difficulties.”
My AQ score is 117.
Compensation subtotal:33 Masking subtotal:43 Assimilation subtotal:41
And my RAADS-R score is 114.
Language subtotal: 6 Social relatedness subtotal: 56 Sensory/motor subtotal: 27 Circumscribed interests subtotal: 25
I have heard that people with trauma can score as high. My CAT-Q score is
My Aspie quiz score was 133 of 200. (98% probability of being atypical/nd)
The reasons I find myself gravitating towards the possibility of autism/adhd are:

• several undiagnosed autistic presenting friends and romantic partners (that’s suspicious)
• constant movement (stim-like, but socially accepted behaviors) such as constantly moving my feet (especially when more stimulated) or swaying in place while I stand, or twirling/playing with my hair.
• a lifetime of hyper sensitivity/hyper empathy. Ex: Not being able to watch a show without mentally preparing for its contents to affect my emotions in a way that seems not to happen to NT people.
• Constantly feeling misunderstood, seeking not to offend people yet somehow always saying the wrong thing or coming off the wrong way when speaking on sensitive subjects.
  
  • I can read social cues, frankly, too well. This seems to conflict with ASD. Yet, I find myself feeling as if everyone else knows what to do and say while I don’t. I constantly ask questions to confirm what I believe is being asked of me or to confirm how a person is feeling. It’s like, I know, but I do have to double-check. I generally tend to read off someone’s vibe as not being interested in what I’m saying, but then they say they are, so I keep talking.
• Life long intensity. I may come off as too excited to be new friends with someone. Usually I end friendships prematurely by asking to trauma dump right away (because I genuinely find it interesting to talk about trauma) and even checking in throughout the conversation, yet then find that person never speaking to me again <3
  
• Special interests. I feel intensely about psychology. I could talk about mental illness for hours. Even going on this several day binge so far of Autism/ADHD/Trauma content trying to get to the bottom of it all, it’s like there’s this excited energy in my chest. Even when I’ve seemed to drive myself almost insane by the amount of information I’m taking in and the amount of time I’m spending on it, I still like doing it. Even if I start to focus on something else, my mind comes right back. I just got out of my stardew valley fixation after weeks of playing every single day all day and finishing the entire game, eating up all the lore, and getting the achievements.
  
• Monopolizing/oversharing/hyperverbal. Again, I can’t help but tell practical strangers (as long as they have a good vibe) everything about me and my trauma. My issue is that, again, I find trauma interesting. I also just… find it most natural to be an open book. When people say “it’s okay to keep your own secrets” I just… don’t… want to…? Which causes some issues I think when it comes to people liking me or not or thinking I’m weird or not. I also would prefer to never shut up. I love talking. I conceptualize my feelings better verbally, even speaking to myself when I’m super conflicted about something or I’m overwhelmed and trying to identify my feelings. I consciously have to tell myself to give my conversation partners a turn, especially when I’m feeling particularly chatty.
  
• A life long curiosity. Why? Why do people do what they do? Why do they react the ways they do? Why do they handle situations the way they do? I remember being a small child and mentioning the concept of (morbid topic for my age) and why people dealt with it the way they did. I always find myself looking for the reason why, even to questions that may not have one, I cannot accept there is no answer. (This whole post being an example.)
  
• I consistently use metaphors to describe the way I’m feeling to other people. Sometimes they don’t really get why - but it’s what feels most meaningful and accurate to me.
  
• Feeling like I’m not inherently feminine enough, which feels like it’s goes into the territory of gendeautism. I know that I do identify with being a woman, but… it’s like I’m just a blob or a I’m a ying-yang of feminine and masculine, and it upsets me that the masculine is in there because it discredits what little femininity I do feel.
  
• Decision making paralysis.
  
• Huge issues with executive dysfunction
  
• Collecting traits and sayings and ways of speaking not to be “normal” but because I just wanted that trait to use for myself. Like, I’m a collection of little things I see other people do that I like or think are interesting.
  
• The feeling of masking. Always feeling like I’m pretending to be normal. Having the running inner monologue of “I’m just like you, I swear! I also know how to live a human, productive and healthy life!” (Now picture me rocking back and forth in a corner)
  
• Having a job means not having a life. I cannot both have a job and do household chores and take care of myself. I cannot fully explain this, but it’s like every bit of my energy is sucked into having a job and ~being a person who has a job.~ By the time I’m home or I have a day off, I have absolutely no physical energy to spare and barely any mental energy.
  
• I take almost any take on anything at face value. If you seem sure, I believe you. The only things I can’t be shook on are moral values. But, every time else, while I both have this distrust and learned skepticism, my natural reaction is to fully take in the opinion as fact. While I both fear and distrust people from my experiences, I also just am naturally trusting and gullible in nature. Being gullible was a huge issue for me as a child, before I learned skepticism.
  
• A feeling of energy in my body often that I feel like I just need to quietly scream out or shake out. Like my mind is on vibrate
  
• Not having routine makes me wanna 💀 but the concept of having too much makes me feel suffocated.
  
• Perfectionism, ex: feeling like I have to do it JUST right, like cleaning fully or not at all, which leads to a lot of not at all. -when a boundary is not said in direct cut language I have a tendency to not understand where they start and end or cross them without intending to. This caused a lot of issues with my last romantic relationship. -also have a very hard time conceptualizing setting my own boundaries but that could be trauma yknow. -lifelong anxiety, intense emotions, losing everything, procrastination that’s frankly unhealthy, etc
  

I’m too tired to continue this list at the moment, but… does any of this come off as more than trauma/bpd/ocd?? Am I just… insane? Are all of these disorders combined enough to make someone feel insane? I am so very genuinely asking this because I am at my wits end and I need answers. I don’t… feel autistic that way I knew I was borderline.
I always identified autistic traits in my friends but not myself until now that I’m really searching for an answer.

For context, I have a history of OCD, starting around 10 years old (starting off strong with the co-morbidities rate) and quiet BPD starting around age 20. (Estimation on both of those.) I grew up with parents who also had trauma and are entirely emotionally immature, causing emotional/psychological/financial abuse and emotional neglect. My working theories are that my father possibly has ADHD and narcissistic traits, as he explains being exactly like a family member of ours who seems to exhibit ADHD traits, as a child, and therefore they family member is perfectly normal. The ADHD would explain his self-proclaimed constant energy and the pile of projects he begins and abandons. This could also be a reason feeding his episodes of spontaneous rage. (or maybe he’s ~just~ abusive.) My mother (who had some extra spicy trauma including drug use during pregnancy from her mother) which seems to have led to learning disabilities such as dyslexia and dyscalculia. She is easily fooled, consistently does not understand/feels defensive about coming off as rude when “not trying to be” as she says, some sensory issues, and frankly some borderline tendencies to blow up and then tell you how much she loves you. (I unfortunately know these feelings all too well.) She also says that she feels she deals with hyper empathy. (Ironic, but go off sis, maybe she does.) She has a hard time with idioms when they aren’t the common everyday ones and even those she seems to ~slightly~ be off on. My family has several autistic children on my father’s side and mother’s side. Until now, I would absolutely not had expected anyone in my family to be autistic. Here are my traits that I find a little fishy to all co-exist. My mother reports this about my early childhood: I did not like people or being around people & I hid that anxiety well. (Still do.) I spoke earlier than my siblings, and in general. I was an advanced reader, and was reading before kindergarten. (Stopped reading as much around 12 because I lost all attention span/ability to focus on it. Most an audiobook type of person now.) When I started school I seemed more anxious and stimming behaviors, such as leg bouncing seemed to occur. She reports no difficulty with transitions. (However, as an adult I feel I do need extra time to move from task to task.) Uncomfortable with hugging and touching other people. (Yep) I was “mature for my age.” “An old woman in a child’s body.” (Sigh) I would seem to be off in my own little world. I would try to control play with friends and become upset if they didn’t play how I wanted to. (I remember as a child feeling as if I was “hosting” my friend like an adult with a guest and after a few hours I felt tired of doing so.) I would constantly call to get picked up from the sleepover and was most comfortable being home. I would enjoy a friends company but after a few hours I was happy to say goodbye to my gist. I seemed relieved when they were gone. I was stuck to my mother’s side. I couldn’t really tolerate the heat or loud noises (I would/do cover my ears.) I was possessive of my things. I would cry when I was angry. (Included because she fails to remember any “meltdowns” only this and possibly shutdowns.) I was very clumsy. I couldn’t tolerate tight clothing. I did have an interest in running water in the bath and sinks. (I asked her this because I heard it’s a thing. lol) I seemed to dislike the sensation of brushing my teeth. I’d have my name called multiple times and would not respond. I would focus intensely on activities. I would talk non-stop or I would be very quiet. I would want the same baby doll from the store every single time. I had 20+ of the exact same baby doll, and for a lot of them I would give them names and write it on the back of their heads. 😭😭 I seemed to internalize/shut down instead of externalize or throw fits. I generally only kept one friend at a time. I was very shy. I also stayed around adults. I tended to follow my sister around, (and I often do still, at all family social events, even to the bathroom.) My interests dominated the conversation. For me, this was the high school musical to twilight pipeline. I had everything themes twilight that I possibly could. Blankets, popcorn buckets, candy boxes (gifts from teachers who saw me as the child who was obsessed with twilight)(my classmates also saw me that way), etc and etc. I made scrapbooks and saved stickers and tattoos and even knew where they were filming the next movies. (rio.) I asked a lot of questions When I did the CAST assessment with her about myself as a young child, I scored a 19 out of 31, “indicating possibly AS or related social-communication difficulties.” My AQ score is 117. Compensation subtotal:33 Masking subtotal:43 Assimilation subtotal:41 And my RAADS-R score is 114. Language subtotal: 6 Social relatedness subtotal: 56 Sensory/motor subtotal: 27 Circumscribed interests subtotal: 25 I have heard that people with trauma can score as high. My CAT-Q score is My Aspie quiz score was 133 of 200. (98% probability of being atypical/nd) The reasons I find myself gravitating towards the possibility of autism/adhd are: several undiagnosed autistic presenting friends and romantic partners (that’s suspicious) constant movement (stim-like, but socially accepted behaviors) such as constantly moving my feet (especially when more stimulated) or swaying in place while I stand, or twirling/playing with my hair. a lifetime of hyper sensitivity/hyper empathy. Ex: Not being able to watch a show without mentally preparing for its contents to affect my emotions in a way that seems not to happen to NT people. Constantly feeling misunderstood, seeking not to offend people yet somehow always saying the wrong thing or coming off the wrong way when speaking on sensitive subjects. I can read social cues, frankly, too well. This seems to conflict with ASD. Yet, I find myself feeling as if everyone else knows what to do and say while I don’t. I constantly ask questions to confirm what I believe is being asked of me or to confirm how a person is feeling. It’s like, I know, but I do have to double-check. I generally tend to read off someone’s vibe as not being interested in what I’m saying, but then they say they are, so I keep talking. Life long intensity. I may come off as too excited to be new friends with someone. Usually I end friendships prematurely by asking to trauma dump right away (because I genuinely find it interesting to talk about trauma) and even checking in throughout the conversation, yet then find that person never speaking to me again <3 Special interests. I feel intensely about psychology. I could talk about mental illness for hours. Even going on this several day binge so far of Autism/ADHD/Trauma content trying to get to the bottom of it all, it’s like there’s this excited energy in my chest. Even when I’ve seemed to drive myself almost insane by the amount of information I’m taking in and the amount of time I’m spending on it, I still like doing it. Even if I start to focus on something else, my mind comes right back. I just got out of my stardew valley fixation after weeks of playing every single day all day and finishing the entire game, eating up all the lore, and getting the achievements. Monopolizing/oversharing/hyperverbal. Again, I can’t help but tell practical strangers (as long as they have a good vibe) everything about me and my trauma. My issue is that, again, I find trauma interesting. I also just… find it most natural to be an open book. When people say “it’s okay to keep your own secrets” I just… don’t… want to…? Which causes some issues I think when it comes to people liking me or not or thinking I’m weird or not. I also would prefer to never shut up. I love talking. I conceptualize my feelings better verbally, even speaking to myself when I’m super conflicted about something or I’m overwhelmed and trying to identify my feelings. I consciously have to tell myself to give my conversation partners a turn, especially when I’m feeling particularly chatty. A life long curiosity. Why? Why do people do what they do? Why do they react the ways they do? Why do they handle situations the way they do? I remember being a small child and mentioning the concept of (morbid topic for my age) and why people dealt with it the way they did. I always find myself looking for the reason why, even to questions that may not have one, I cannot accept there is no answer. (This whole post being an example.) I consistently use metaphors to describe the way I’m feeling to other people. Sometimes they don’t really get why - but it’s what feels most meaningful and accurate to me. Feeling like I’m not inherently feminine enough, which feels like it’s goes into the territory of gendeautism. I know that I do identify with being a woman, but… it’s like I’m just a blob or a I’m a ying-yang of feminine and masculine, and it upsets me that the masculine is in there because it discredits what little femininity I do feel. Decision making paralysis. Huge issues with executive dysfunction Collecting traits and sayings and ways of speaking not to be “normal” but because I just wanted that trait to use for myself. Like, I’m a collection of little things I see other people do that I like or think are interesting. The feeling of masking. Always feeling like I’m pretending to be normal. Having the running inner monologue of “I’m just like you, I swear! I also know how to live a human, productive and healthy life!” (Now picture me rocking back and forth in a corner) Having a job means not having a life. I cannot both have a job and do household chores and take care of myself. I cannot fully explain this, but it’s like every bit of my energy is sucked into having a job and ~being a person who has a job.~ By the time I’m home or I have a day off, I have absolutely no physical energy to spare and barely any mental energy. I take almost any take on anything at face value. If you seem sure, I believe you. The only things I can’t be shook on are moral values. But, every time else, while I both have this distrust and learned skepticism, my natural reaction is to fully take in the opinion as fact. While I both fear and distrust people from my experiences, I also just am naturally trusting and gullible in nature. Being gullible was a huge issue for me as a child, before I learned skepticism. A feeling of energy in my body often that I feel like I just need to quietly scream out or shake out. Like my mind is on vibrate Not having routine makes me wanna 💀 but the concept of having too much makes me feel suffocated. Perfectionism, ex: feeling like I have to do it JUST right, like cleaning fully or not at all, which leads to a lot of not at all. -when a boundary is not said in direct cut language I have a tendency to not understand where they start and end or cross them without intending to. This caused a lot of issues with my last romantic relationship. -also have a very hard time conceptualizing setting my own boundaries but that could be trauma yknow. -lifelong anxiety, intense emotions, losing everything, procrastination that’s frankly unhealthy, etc I’m too tired to continue this list at the moment, but… does any of this come off as more than trauma/bpd/ocd?? Am I just… insane? Are all of these disorders combined enough to make someone feel insane? I am so very genuinely asking this because I am at my wits end and I need answers. I don’t… feel autistic that way I knew I was borderline. I always identified autistic traits in my friends but not myself until now that I’m really searching for an answer.

Let me preface this by saying I love the ISE major here. It's far preferable to the CSE major in terms of difficulty and subject matter, at least for my purposes (respect to those who not only got into CSE but managed to stick it out to the end tho.) That being said, there are some select classes that were just awful this time around, and I happened to take all of them at the same time this semester. Now that it's over, I just want to whine and cope about it.
CSE/ISE 337 - Abid Malik

Boring, unengaging lecturer. Not the worst thing since that's most professors here, but still.
Inconsistent Homework - We had five homework assignments this semester, and each assignment was made up of 2-5 coding problems. The TAs came up with the problems, then wrote instructions for them that were often vague, inconsistent, and unrealistic. In CSE 214 with Ahmad Esmaili, he wrote his homework assignments and spent a lot of time outlining every detail, what classes he wanted you to create, what they should be named, what methods they'd need to include, what function they needed to serve, and what the output should look like. The TAs in this class basically said "Here's a challenge I pulled from CodeWars. Just kinda figure it out I guess." (Which, by the way, is super weird for a class centered around learning different scripting languages. This isn't a software programming class, and the purpose wasn't to invent and engineer new creative ways to solve coding problems. The point is to learn the syntax and rules of the language.) Students didn't even know if they were supposed to submit a class, method, or just raw code that solved whatever nebulous problem was assigned, because the TAs often didn't bother to specify that. We had no way of knowing how they wanted us to go about these problems. When this issue was raised with Malik during his office hours, he kinda just laughed and seemed exasperated, then changed the subject.
Inconsistent Grading Criteria - This one was really bad for a lot of students. In the beginning of the semester, the grading criteria gave the two midterms 15% weight each, making a total of 30% for them, then 35% weight for the final. Then, halfway through the semester and after the first midterm (like February 5th), Malik abruptly decided to change the weighting so that midterms were now 20% each, a total of 40%, and the final would be 25%. This seriously screwed over a lot of students, because a few days later we had our second midterm, which many failed. I still don't know why he did this, it basically destroyed any chances of students having a comeback for the final if they did well on the homeworks and not as well on the midterms. Very weird.
Disconnect with TAs - This connects back to the homework issue before, but it deserves a section of its own. Malik clearly didn't regulate the homework problems his TAs wrote, and worse than that, he can't even get them to remember the most basic of instructions when he does decide to get involved. There was a student who he'd approved to submit an assignment late without a penalty, and he claimed to have told the TA grading them not to take off points. Well, the TA still took them off, and that had to be remedied, but you know what the worst part is? When that student got their grade updated from the penalized one, they did the math and found out the TA took off roughly 30 fucking points. 30 points off for being late, and I don't even think they were a full day late at that. We also heard that another student submitted his assignment 10 minutes late, but because he hadn't been pre-approved by the professor, he got a 0. I shit you not. Malik looked this man in the eyes, shrugged his shoulders and destroyed his whole career. Homeworks are 30% of the grade (unless Malik changed it to like 50% while my back was turned writing this.) That man is cooked.
Piazza - Hoooly shit the Piazza showed Malik's most negligent and careless sides. For our upcoming final in a couple days, a student recently asked, "Can we get practice questions for Part 1.b everything’s after midterm 2?" Malik responded "yes". A day passed, and another person followed up on the post with "Are they posted?" and Malik deadass said "Practice the questions from the lecture slides. There are lots of short questions. Part 1.b will be from these questions." He's referring to the lecture slides we went over several weeks ago. Y'know, when someone asks "Can we get practice questions?" and you answer "Yes," typically that implies that there will be new questions you are providing to them. This wouldn't even be that bad if he had originally responded with "No practice questions needed, just reference the ones from the slides," but instead he let this student think that he was going to post new material to practice with. This isn't even that bad, just really comical. Another student said, "It seems like an impossibly large amount of information we need to remember. Are there going to be practice problems so we can get a sense of how much to study for each topic?" and Malik responded with the good old reliable, "practice the problems in the lecture slides." Another student even called him out on his misleading statement earlier, saying, "So practice problems for the midterm review won't be posted? I thought in [post number] you mentioned you would be posting short question practice for the new material." Malik kinda just shrugged his shoulders again here and went, "short questions + coding questions will be from lecture slides+jupyter files examples. Practice them" Again, not even that bad, but would it kill him to be upfront to begin with? Pretty much all the posts in the Piazza go this way. A student asks for a practice test, some questions, anything, and Malik tells them to fuck off back to the slides (there are almost 600 lecture slides, so this is pretty time consuming and inefficient.)
Overall: Weirdly brutal TAs that can't communicate their expectations, inconsistent grading criteria, and shitty professor that doesn't care. Plus a shit ton of students failed both midterms, so very stressful for an elective. Probably skip this class.

ISE/POL 369 - Robert Kelly and Shawn Kim

Brother is genuinely named R Kelly
Anyway, this class suffered the most from a lack of organization and communication. Kelly especially seemed confused, as was his TA.
Late Homework Grades: There were only 2 homework assignments, and to this day neither of them have been graded, despite them having been weeks apart (and the more recent one being due a couple weeks ago now.) They weren't very difficult at all, and they seem like they'd be very easy to grade, and there's only fucking two of them. Without homework grading, it's really hard to gauge how you're doing in this class before quizzes and exams hit.
Sporadic Quizzes: We had quizzes every other week or so in the class. I say "or so" because you never actually knew when you'd have a quiz-- they weren't pop quizzes, it's just that Kelly never bothered to put together a quiz schedule even when asked for one. His excuse was that he didn't know when quizzes would be since they depended on how fast we got through certain units. That would be a valid reason if his quizzes actually aligned with the units we were in at the time, but more than once the quizzes would be on something from over a week ago after we just got finished studying the most recent lectures, so it's kinda bullshit. Students basically found out about upcoming quizzes through word of mouth and if the professors decided to warn us in class with some vague statement like, "Well I don't know when the next quiz will be.... No sooner than Thursday maybe?"
Confused TAs: I only know of one TA in the class, and my first time hearing about him was when the other professor, Kim, was telling us, "Yeah, I know quiz grades aren't posted yet but you SHOULD get them back in class today... if the TA shows up..." The TA didn't show up. I am convinced Kelly hates that TA by the way, because more than once he would appear exasperated with him, accuse him of being on his phone, and appear annoyed that he hadn't submitted grades. They seem to be perfectly matched in their confusion and incompetence. That TA still needs to grade my fucking homework dude.
Lack of Midterm Info: We never got any practice tests/problems, study guides or even a basic bullet point list of topics for the midterm. At least on the Piazza, he said the final exam would be cumulative with a focus on topics after the midterm (bare minimum for the win!)
Professor Kim: Cool dude. He was doing his best in this mess of a class.
Overall: None of the topics were difficult, and the actual lecture slide contents were interesting, so this could've been a fun easy-A elective. Kelly's inability to hold his TA(s?) accountable or have any organization made this class more of an annoyance than anything else.

ISE/CSE 300

Please grade my assignments Marciano please please please please please please I still have shit from January that hasn't been returned please please please please please
Random group project for no reason
Overall: I just want my grades back. please

ISE/CSE 312

Random group project for no reason

BUS 340

This one technically doesn't count since it just filled a requirement for the ISE major (which they're also changing after this semester) but I just wanted to say
Random group project for no reason
PLUS 2 midterms and a final exam in addition to the group project?? I was expecting a coloring book for our final assignment, I was ready to color within the lines and everything

With all of that said, none of these classes would be that bad on their own (except 337. Holy shit dude how do you fuck it up that bad,) but the fact that I had all of them together this semester meant that every day was a tedious slog through various poorly-managed classes that I had to physically attend the lectures for due to their various attendance-taking methods (also applied inconsistently, like everything else) and it fried my brain. There isn't a single class I took this semester that I enjoyed. However, the semester before had a lot of enjoyable ISE classes, and I'm still looking forward to the coming semester. I just really enjoy making lists and being a hater so I needed to write this all out.

The pair from nine were instantly laughed at by the carrers and the pairs from 4 and 7 causing Keith and particularly Winnow to embarrassingly walk further on. Keith embarked upon the chariot first before Winnow find Mayfair and Julia both from 12 chatting away with there mentor Harley Davidson victor of the 107th hunger games. WInnow soon befriended julia with the 2 bonding over there ridiculous outfits. Mayfair in particular found there conversation quite amusing before joining in. Harley seemed a little annoyed at his tributes lack of attention to what he was trying to tell his tributes but soon smiled before giving a knowing nod to junnius. However Keith remained rooted to the carriage apparently having his “Tough guy persona” wiped from his face as Silca put it. Junnius smirked before asking Keith if he “wanted to listen now?”
As Keith nodded Winnow soon returned as Frida did some final touch ups with the pair’s outfits. Pluto and Ariana were approached by London and Wyoming both from 6 marveling at the pairs outfits. Wyoming even gigled to herself before London complemented Pluto’s and Ariana’s outfits. He smiled before signing ‘thanks”
The boys soon signed to each other about there lives in there own districts London then asked the pair if they would be interested in a potential alliance, After Pluto looked back at Regina she nodded as Ariana and PLuto accepted this. London smiled before returning his loopy district partner back to there own horse carriage as Pluto and Ariana hopped back on there own carriage as the parade then begun.
After the usual fanfare for the carrers and the total contrast of outfits for the pair from 4 viewres seemed entranced with the pair from 5s garud themed outfits with Nico Anderson commentated that “A for effort at the title.” Pluto regaly waved to many audience members as they signed his name. Ariana looked at him before grinning signing “Sorry for the attuide I didnt mean the way I acted.’ Pluto smiled and nodded before taking her hand as they waved to the audience. Further down the parade line up the pairwere very embarrassed at there outfits with there faces of disgust being posted over future “captiol memes” on Golden 24. Still they did there best efforts in making a second impression as few captial citzens through roses and chocolates at the pair out of pure pity. As the parade came to an end president mcaine did his usual speech about the importance of panem before welcoming nico Anderson to the stage. He congratulated the stylists on a good job before crowning district 2 the title of Anderson fashions best dressed with there stunning stonemason inspired outfits.
The next day without to much fanfare from the night prior all mentors and brought there tributes to the training hall at percisly 10 am per usual. Head master Price gave his usual stern greeting before ‘reminding the tributes” about the consequences of tongfouleraly by turning on his taser as the training staff followed before dismissing the tributes to there own stations.
As per there argeement Ariana Pluto Wyoming and London practiced together mainly staying at the camouflage station for most of the first and second day until being ordered to practice at a different station. However when Ariana refused to a training staff member tasered her in the back before being removed from training for a day. Pluto turned to London before signing “She’s gonna get us killed before we even get into the arena.” London laughed before taking him to the toxilogical station as Wyoming somehow remained hidden in the camfolouage station until the end of the second day. When Apollo was shooing the tributes to the accesors room Wyoming jumped out at him causing Apollo to shreik before peacekeepers soon escorted Wyoming to the asscors room alone as most of the other tributes lauhjed.
As for Keith and Winnow Keith mainly practiced with Sailor from 4 at the trident station. However training staff had to break up a fight after Sailor after he angrily accused Keith of purposley distracting him after he coughed rather loudly after sailor missed his trident has it nearly projectiled back at him. Meanwhile Winow mainly stayed with Mayfair and Julia at the medic station watching Mayfair and Julia explain the basics of sowing a wound and cpr. At the end of the 2 days a rather angry training master price then escorted price to the training hall.
After the strong displays of the carrers and the mediocre displays of the outliers Pluto was welcomed in. As he was permitted an interpreter he signed that ‘he'd show his camouflage skills.” The game makers soon groaned before he also signed he’d “Like the lights off”. Curious sounds of intreigue went through out teh accors box as game maker monty allowed this as the assors room went dark. As his interpreter moved close to him as he begun his “camfoluage experties”. After 5 minutes the lights were turned on many of the assorcs were quiet suprised where the only spots that were seen was his white eyes. He then waved as the assecors appluaded. Ariana was welcomed in next unforeanutly for her knife display went poor as the game makers soon dismissed her,
Later on the line up Keith performed a rather decent sword display with poor accuracy. Winnow on the other hand bored the asscors with the typical toxical quiz.
As evening soon falled in the results were displayed on capital tv. WIth the usual good scores of the carrers Keith scored a 8 Pluto scored a 7 . London a 6 and Slip from 8 also scoring a 6 Winnow and Wyoming from 6 both scoring a 4 and at the bottom of the pack Ariana and Ignatia from 3 scoring a 3.
Regina was somewhat pleased with Pluto score but saractsicaly reminded Ariana that “Better scores more sponsors.” Ariana snarled back saying “Bite me im going to be dead in a few days anyway.” Regina grumbled to herself beofre Francis approached the pair with there uniforms for the interviews.
As Junnius he was pleased with both of his tributes scores awarding them with some captial cake before Frida quickly made her tributes interview outfits for her tributes as Junnius soon quizzed the 2 on “Propper interview edicate.”
Silca MOnty welcomed the excited capital audience regally waving and modeling her tropical dress consisting of real palm tree leaves and the top consisting of a light beige and to top it off Silca hair was dyed a light green making her a real life palm tree. After some comedic banterring session with the front audience members she welcomed in the carrers. After there successful interviews and the rather boring interviews from the pairs from3 and 4 Ariana was welcomed in. She walked dimly into the studious fashiong a silver gown with newly dyed silver hair. Even though this was Silca’s one of few years commentating she had to put on a strong face as she was unable to get any word to her as she was shouting obscenities at the capital and Silca in particular nearly tackled Ariana to the ground after she was shouting obscenities about the Monty family. After peace keepers escorted Ariana out Pluto was welcomed to the stage.
He was adorned in a silver suit with a light brown bountier and his reddish brown hair with her hair also dyed a crisp white. He was also allowed an interpreter she was adorned in a similar dress to Silca to commenterate the games. Pluto’s interview went rather dully at first but he soon “came out his shell’ before signing about how his district partner acted like a “Rotten brat’’ and how he’d “want to get the short holiday” done and over with as soon as possible. The audience was in a mix between jeers and cheers as Silca was pleased with the rather quick interview she then shooed the boy off the stage before continuing on. After the interview of Slip from 8 Winnow was welcomed to the stage. Winnow was adorned with a beige gown with corn themed embleshents littering her hair which had been put up into a bun.
Winnow gracefully chatted with Silca about every topic besides the games a fact that “Greatly surprised” many members of the audience. Even Silca tried her best to get a word in about the games Winnow would only talk louder completely erasing her graceful entrance. Soon the interview host shooed the girl of the stage before Keith was also welcomed in sporting the same scowl as Ariana had shown. He mainly insulted Silca through out his interview leading she and the audience to jeer Keith of the stage. After the easy interviews of the pairs from 10 11 12 and the and the popular interviews from the pair from 14 she happily welcomed her husband to the stage. As rapid cheers followed he kissed his wife before she rather “Akwardly” asked her husband for a hint on the arena. Game maker monty sniggered before surprisingly offering a small hint up. ‘An old game character from the time before spent most of his time on this beach trying to save a damsel in distress.’
Curious sounds of intrigue and shouts of “OOOOOOO” sounded as both husband and wife bowed as the audience cheered on. Back at the apartments both mentors seemed rather furious with there tributes Regina in particular became defeated after stopping an argument Ariana started with pluto.
The next day the tributes were given a breif breakfest before being flown to this years arena. This years arena’s outfits featured a light yellow tank top with a short sleeved over coat and shorts. Regina ultmaitley did not want to vist both of her tributes however Francis opted to vist Ariana which made Regina smile. Beofre Pluto got into his tube Regina smiled before signing “Stay out of trouble”. Pluto laughed before nodding as the pair had shock her hand Regina soon stooped him before saying “Love is the worse enemy of them all.” Pluto had become rather confused before he soon walked into his tube. As for Ariana she made on final attempt to escaping the games but Francis imedtlay swooped in and particularly yanked Ariana in her tube before he ordered peacekeepers to garud her tubes as ariana angrily bashed against her tube.
Unforeanutly for the pair from 9 Junnius did not vist them as Keith and Winnow nodded at each other the pair got dressed in there uniforms before being rose into the humid beachy arena.
This years games took place in Delfino Plaza
To many in the excited members in snow square this years arena was a reference to a very popular game from the time before known as “Super Mario Sunshine”. The corncopuia was below the shine sprite tower featuring mini knives swords and blow guns,. With a handful of foods in the heart of the corncopuia however tributes did not know this but these food items were highly vemnous. Outside the cornocpuia small boats were known to slowly go out to the islands that were connected to the arena. The first island featured a large mansion that featured many non venomous foods however every hour a large electric manta ray would regularly swim through the arena which would cause a near fatal electric shock if a tribute were to touch it. On the second island featured a bustling amusement park with rides that would cause a “Quick death” or “Nausea’ if these rides werent handled with care, Many yellow snapping turtles with green shells were also notted to freguent teh arena which these shells were called as “Koppas’ by SIlca.
Back in the main island featured many palm trees and buildings that also had many market places with more poisonous foods. Finally on top of the arena featured a large volcano that would reagulry pour only small amount of lava and “Unwanted Pests”. Such as many long raccoons with sharp teeth and walking bombs
Day 1
As the tributes rose into this years arena winnow imedtlay flagged down Julia from 12. She smiled dimmly pointed at the pair from 2 Marcus and Hera flagging the pair from 1 and surprisingly the pair from 4 as well. Keith was also flagged down by Mayfair from 12. Apparently realizing that the pairs district partners were friends Keith smirked before pointing at Slip from 8 walling loudly. However with the pair from 5 they were put next to each other as Ariana scowled as Pluto became relived seeing London and Wyoming from 6 giving them a careful nod, And as the gong trialed down to the final 10 seconds ariana begun shouting more verbal taunts resulting in many of the audience members to shout “Shut up”.
As the gong sounded the games finally begun. Surprisingly all 24 tributes barrled into the corncopuia building. Ariana darted in first with Wyoming soon following as London signed at Pluto to run in. He did this before pushing aside Slip from 8 as he was stabbed by Brock from 3 in the heart. Pluto soon grabbed a sword before being crashed into by the boy from 1 holding a dager to his throat. London shoutted out before unforenautly becoming the girl from ones target the 2 fighting very vicosuly . Thankfully for Pluto the boy from 1 was soon bashed into the wall by Arogrio from 11. He then got up before running away with Wyoming soon following him rapidly shouting “Come back there still in the hell bath.” Wyoming soon dashed after before being hit with a sword in the back by Hera from 2. Ariana soon grinned at seeing many of the knives before pocketing nearly every one of them resulting in Silca calling her “Selfish.” London gave a grim stare at Wyoming before grabbing Ariana’s hand running toward PLuto but in a diffrent direction nearly being hit with a knife by the furious girl from 1 who had been unable to save her district partner from Agorio. Keith then was the 14th tribute to dash in alongside Mayfair unforeanutly as the remaing tributes started to scatter Both Sailor and AnaMaria from 4 soon through there knives simtaneisouly into there backs as Julia and Winnow grimly looked on. However to avoid being the carrers next targets they only grabbed 2 knives before running away to the near by gondola as it brought them to island 2.
As the blood bath soon dyed out the 5 blood bath cannons sounded signfing the deaths of the boy from 1 Wyoming from 6 Slip from 8 Keith from 9 and Mayfair from 12. Pluto frantically ran into a near by market grabbing many fruits before running further away to the near by buildings climbing to the top of one curling up into a ball and looking concerningly out. However as Ariana and London soon came toward the building they soon yelped seeing PLuto standing toward the edge griping on for dear life. With a heavy effort London soon gripped onto Pluto’s body however as London successfully yanked Pluto down the 3 sat down in a disorganized heep. Ariana soon laughed before signing Pluto should “Not be such a wimp.”
Pluto snarrled back before tossing some fruit to Ariana. As she walked over and looked like she was about to eat some of it many viewers in snow square laughed hysterically with Silca recounting “She must be dnese.”
Before Ariana was about to eat the mango fruit a knife came whistling into Ariana’s shoulder. She winced as she saw Gerogio and Frida both from 10 hurling many near by koopas at the pair. However this idea soon back fired as the koopa Gerogio was holding chomped his hand he ket out a large yelp as Pluto soon barrled into Ariana removing the knife from her shoukder and throwing it into Frida’s heart, Her cannon soon sounded follwoing by his district partner. Ariana soon shouted “are you crazy!”. Pluto rolled his eyes before smiling as London fist bumped him.
The 3 of them soon surveyed the area nearly being found by the carrers however as London had grew hungry he grabbed a near by pineapple fruit. Beofre slicing it cleanly open. He soon was about to drink the liquids of this pinapple however Pluto angrily slapped London in the face. However as London soon was about to sign why he had just slapped him he brought a rather angry Ariana before dumping the liquid on her hand. As Ariana;s hand soon sweled PLuto signed “Put it in water youll be fine”. Ariana scowled as London laughed before signing back “Thanks.”
Pluto smiled before grinning as 2 sponsor gifts then flew down. Pluto smiled before opening his gift a blow gun with a hand ful of darts with a note attached saying “Keep that brat at an arms length” from R. He smiled dimmly before his eyes turned to a shade of suprise seeing Londons sponsor gift some morphine and an assorment of foods.
Pluto turned to London signing “You do this stuff?”
London nodded dully before saying “I have and still kinda do.”
Pluto dully looked forward before London asked “Something wrong.”
The boys did not say much for the next 10 minutes before Pluto signed “I knew someone who did those in the past.” Londons face whitened before pouring most of the context out as he smiled and nodded “ Pluto smiled however Viewers could see London’s face turned a grim shade of grey as he poured the remaining liquid into a near capsule before muttering to hismelf. Pluto soon tapped him on the shoulderi as the boys giggled seeing Ariana angrily fighting with some of the none violet koopas.
The boys soon helped Arianaout before cleaning her wound on her shoulder. Ariana gruffly walked in the other direction sleeping behind a near by palm tree. As Evening fell on the arena the boys soon rejoined there sleeping ally. With Pluto keeping watch for the night. As for Winnow and Julia they succesfuly ran aout the corncopuia fray hoping on the gondola. As the island arrived at the island they heard a sharp scream as Brock and Ignatia both from 3 went screaming in the opposite direction. As both of the girls looked on in horror as teh pair from 2 went running after them with knives at the ready. As Julia encouraged Winnow to hurry up before both girls screamed as the pair from 4 wet chassing after them.
Winnow soon hoped up toward the ferris wheel ride which had suprsingly been going slow. As she successfully boarded one of them Winnow soon shouted for Julia to hurry up. Foretanutly for the girl from 12 she successfully grabbed on to Winnows hand as the girls soon panted in exhaustion both the pair from 4 soon swore as the pair 2 and the girl from 1 angrily yelled at the pair for letting the outliars get away. However as Sailor shoutted at Marcus in particular for chassing down “The geeky brats” Marcus sighed before snapping Salior’s neck. As his cannon sounded Ana maria shoutted out in horror before she to had her neck snapped cleanly by the girl from 1. As 2 cannons sounded Winnow and Julia clinged on to each other for dear life as the carrers continued to search for them.
As the carrers soon gave up some viewers in snow square cheered as a sponsor gift soon flew in for the pair. Winnow and Julia smiled at the small feast that they were provided as they ate and talked about there own home lives with Winnow in particular being quiet surprised hearing about the recent changes that have happened in districts 12 that theyre mentor Harley Davidson had implemented.
As the girls fell asleep on the feris wheel horn of plently played featuring the 9 fallen tributes leaving 17 remaing.
Day 2
As the early morning sunrise entered the arena game maker monty made a live announcement to the arena. He congratulated the 17 remaining tributes on making it too the second day of the games before announcing that the tributes had 5 minutes to arrive at island 1 or 2 before the volcano woulf eurpt killing anyone in its way. As game maker monty signed off the remaining tributes stampeded to the near by gongdelas. Monica from 8 had been the first casuality to the event as the pair from3 enegerneered the walking bombs as Monica picked one up it exploded leaving nothing left.
Ariana Pluto and London soon darted out of there hiding spot as they imedtlay hopped on the gondola to island 1. However as the 3 painted in exhaustion Ashley and the boy from 7 hoped out at the pair with knives at the ready. Ariana soon shoved Pluto out of the way as she through her kife as it landed in the boy from 7s heart. As his cannon sounded Ashley caught London unspectedly off garud as she then threw her kinfe toward London’s head. Luckily fr London the knife only hit him in the lower adomen. Ariana soon charged into Ashley the 2 girls soon begun a viscous fist fight however as the volcano soon euerpted Ariana then got the upper hand pushing Ashley out of the gondola. As her cannon sounded Pluto imedtlay ran over to Lodon before taking out the knife from his adomen,
As London screamed out Pluto signed to him to “SHH”. However as another cannon sounded the three hid behind one of the walls for the time being. Silca explained to the captial audience that this was Daisy from 11 after she had a run in with the pair from 14 as they chased Daisy up into the volcano area as Hanah soon pushed the girl into the lava. As for the aliance of Winnow and Julia both girls stayed hidden on the ferris wheel as the reaming 3 carrers stayed below watching the ferris wheel intently.
As a suspenseful quiet soon crossed the arena and in snow square Julia gently climbed to the top of the box. As she quietly hoped out Winnow noticed before saying “The death pits down there and were 25ft in the air.”
Julia smiled before saying to “trust her”.
Winnow sighed before grabbing Julia’s hand. However unforeanytly for the girls the ferris wheel creaked rather loudly waking Hera. As she rubbed her eyes in a tired heep she alerted her other carrer allys as they begun hurling many of there weapons at the pair.
Winnow then looked back at Julia before pointing at Arogio from 11 who had about to attack Marcus. The girl from 1 soon noticed Arogio and shoutted in a rather horse tone that “he’d pay for killing her district partner.”

Arogio laughed and taunted the girl to try as the carrers soon changed there target to the boy from 11 allowing bith girls to make a mad dash to gongdela 1 with out the carrers noticing. Silca later recounted that “This year may be the werdist year in history.”
As Arogio’s cannon sounded the 2 outliar girls soon jumped off the ferris wheel only having a scraped knee between the both of them. After a short gomgdela ride they had arrived at the island. Due to it being noon and the captial being pleased with the amount of bloodshed teh tributes were allowed to have a rest “For now.”
Julia in particular was rather exhausted for the mormings events so the girls rested in the mansions first floor. The girls kept each other from boredoom by playing a popular childrens game called “Eye spy.” With most of there objects they wanted the other to look for being rather impoosible to find leaving both the girls laughing. However this laughter turned to horror as the manta ray soon mad her hourly appearnce as one cannon sounded.
After the run in the aliance of Ariana Pluto and London with the pair from 7 they imedtlay ran into the mansion and hid hwoever they triggered the next arena event.
As teh 3 went screaming they fell down into a casino room. However the three of them did not what was happening a ghostly voice soon eerily said. “Score 7777 and you’ll be free failure to do so one of you will be dead.”
As many casino machines popped up. PLuto imedtlay grabbed onto his blow gun and darts as London weakly rested on the ground as Ariana went to the near by cassino machine. As London begun to bleed out more Pluto screamed before trying to apply pressure on his friends wound however as London weakly grabbed onto Pluto before screamingas Ariana stabbed London in throat. Pluto screamed out before grabbing his blow gun and huffing 2 darts out. She soon signed and shouted that London would of been “Dead anyway.”
However Pluto then huffed into his blow gun as a dart when whistling into Ariana’s arm. She sighed before getting the 7777 number on the near by machine. As the ghost like figure nodded Ariana grinned before rather vindectively signing “You’’ll be London soon”. As the pair from 5 begun battling many citzens in the captial were shoutting at Pluto to win this “Fight” but unfroeanutly for him Ariana manged to steal the blow gun before pointing it over Pluto’s neck.
As Ariana held the blow gun to Pluto's neck, the tension in the room escalated. The citizens in the Capitol watched intently, their excitement palpable. Pluto's eyes darted around, searching for any possible escape route, but he found himself cornered with nowhere to go.
Suddenly, a loud alarm blared through the casino room, signaling the end of the event. The ghostly voice echoed once again, announcing that time was up and the game was over. Ariana hesitated for a moment, torn between her desire to eliminate Pluto and getting hell out of the casino.
Ariana then sighed in angry huff before helping PLuto up signing “Stop for now.”
However Pluto did not listen and continued teh fight as he held his knife to Ariana’s throat. Hwoever Ariana got the upper hand again as she then huffed into blow gun behind her as an dart flew into Plutos nose. He screamed out in pain before Ariana then blew another dart as it landed in Pluto’s heart.
His cannon sounded as many jeers sounded in snow square with Silca rolling her eyes saying “the girl will never change.”
The ghost soon pushered her back into the manison as Ariana returned to the dock of the island resting in a tired heep.
She then noticed Julia and Winnow making there way back to the main island. Another cannon sounded un the late evening signfing the death of Victente from 14 after he was betrayed by his own ally Hannah.
Julia kept watch as Winnow slept with Horn of plenty playing at midnight featuring the fallen tributes. Pluto from 5 London from 6 the pair from 7 monica from 8 the pair from 11 and Vicente from 14 leaving 8 tributes remaing.
Day 3
Ariana and Winnow awoke rather early making them the first 2 tributes to awake. Ariana in particular spent most of her time traversing the mansion becoming bored as she then tried to re enter the gambling room but she soon given blast area as she tried to open the shut door. She stood around in huff before quietly before rather suprisngly falling bacj to sleep in plain sight. As for the girls Julia smirked as Winnow had appeard to be talking in her sleep.
As she gently placed her hand through WInnow hair she woke up. Julia appokigezed before Winnow saying to “not worry.” As Julia’s face turned bright red Winnow laugehd As a some sponor gifts flew down for the pair they soon fell onto each other in amusment as 3 cannons osunded. This was proven to be the pair from 3. They were ambushed by teh carrers with Ignatia being able to throw a near by raccon at the girl from1 however. As the girls cannon sound the pair from 3 were then taken down by the pair from 2.
The girls soon opted to not move from there location as they rested in each others arms for the remainder of the day, Ariana on the other hand awoke from round 2 of her slumber before notcing one of the near by Koppas wandering near by. She then killed it as she then found a near bomb. After succesfuly diffused it she heard another cannon sound.
This was Marcus from 2 after Hera from 2 betrayed him on the second island while they were running as one of the near by rides when whistling into pair. Hera got to higher ground as she then pushed Marcus off the ride they were on resulting in a rather painful death for the boy from 2.
As Ariana returned to the corncopuia silca sighed in sacrastic manner saying she’d did not want to know what was going through the girls mind.
At midnight the fallen were shown dispkaying the portaits of the girl from 1 Marcus from 2 and both of the tributes from 3 leaving 4 tributes remaing. Hera from 2 Ariana from 5 Winnow from 9 and Julia from 12 remaing.
Day 4
In the early morning one cannon sounded. This was shown to the captial audience to be Hera from 2 after she fell into the shell trap set by Ariana from 5.
Game maker monty congratulated the final 3 tributes on making it to the finally before telling them they had 5 minutes to return to the coroncoupia towere before having there tracker denoated. As Julia and WInnow made there journey to the tower Winnow looked into Julia’s eyes as the gongdela arrived at the main island both of the girls took caution as they saw the sprite shine very brightly. Soon a voice was heard saying “Come closer.” Julia made the rather stupid desscion as she steeped on one of teh many shells that were put up in the corncopuia. Many of her supporters in snow square shoutted at her to walk back it was to late as she soon blasted into the air before landing rather on her back. Ariana laughed before huffing into her blow gun as an arrow flew into the barley conocius Julia’s throat. Her cannon sounded as WInnow looked on in horor.
She grinned saying “You look like you havent been (Alive enough).” Ariana barked out in laughter saying that “this was the time where she could be free from the pure horror room.”
WInnow imedtlay grabbed onto her remaing knife before dogding ,any of the darts ariana was blowing at her. However Ariana soon tackled Winnow to ground before a brutal fust fight took place. Many viewrs in snow square were shoutting at Winnow to get up. Rather surprisingly Ariana suddenly stopped. She looked up at Ariana before laughing horsely before throwing the turtle’s at Winnow.
Winnow sighed and then screamed “Stop throwing your toys at me there explodable.”
Ariana laughed before soon catching her breath in exhaustion shouting at her to come out.
As Winnow was no where to be found viewers in the captial sighed disparingly as many thought she had been exploded. But rather suprsingly Winnow had been right been Ariana before saying “Suprise”.
Ariana yelped as Winnow then hurled her knife into Ariana’s brain. Her cannon sounded imedtlay as Winnow smiled saying “Seeya physco.” As respectable appluse soundded game make rmonty crowned Winnow Fraiser of District 9 to be the victor of the 113th hunger games Winnow smiled before taking the peacekeepers hands as she was escorted out of the arena.
Winnow was delcared to have no major injuries in the arena before being brought to her victors interview with Silca Monty. Silca was adorned in a formal gown which resmbled a chinesse princess. A land that would be captured by the captial. Please see story 138 true history’s begings.
Winnow was also welcomed on with respctable appluse fashioning a heige gown with golden spirtes resmebling the corcnoupia littering the dress. Unforeanutly Winnow had been rather quiet during her victors interview leaving a rather uncomfortable silence within the studios however. Silca managed to gear the interview to a less depressing point by talking about Winnow’s time in the arena.
After going over her time in the arena Silca reavled her victors nickname to be teh sunshine shadow.
Winnow smilled saying she’d “take it.”

She then waved as the audience cheered respectively as Silca welcomed her husband Cyrus to the stage.
Many cheers soon sounded as game maker monty regarly waved at the audience before kissing his wife. She then turned on a complamtion of his past 5 years of game making. Even showing a video of Quintin Mahoney Herminia Gold Ezra Montario Amanda mils Belle Figoura and even Winnow congratulating him on a succesful 6 years of game making. Cyrus smiled before bowing as the capital crowd cheered on as Silca ended the interview there.
Winnow returned home to district 9 the follwoing day, She alledly refused to stay for even party many genrous captial lights had offered to her. However she would return once year to the captial for her suty as an mentor. However she was adorned as hero throught district 9 as she moved into the victors village with her mother and grandmother.
When she became an adult she married a baker named Donmic Tanzi as the pair married and had two kids unforeanutly one of them would be chosen for a later games. She was known to be not to much of an helpful mentor but liked when her tributes “Actually shown the strength she approved of” Leading to have some what of an better track record in the games.
And that is the end of story 113 I hope you all enjoyed . This was one of my longer tales but one of my favorites to write. But yep after 114th games the european chrocnicle files will be out. As this shows what happens with Panems eueropean allies;. So i hope you all have a wonderful morning noon or night or what ever time it is for you and as we always say. Panem today panem tomrow panem forever.

I have finished the first palace and the first level of mementos, gathering a few hours in the taiwanese version of the game, since I am a chinese speaker. Here is my experience in the game so far:
opening scene: 8/10 (WARNING MILD SPOILERS)
This is the opening scene as described below. For those not wanting to spoil their first experience, I suggest skipping to the next segment. The scene starts exactly the same in P5, even the characters. Yes, Joker stealing a breifcase from the casino, "mysterious" voices speaking over communications, guards attacking and joker defeating them with Arsene. Throughout the scene, glitches can be observed from the screen, indicating something is wrong. After the shadows are defeated, futana remarks something is wrong and joker gets attacked by a mysterious figure in a hoodie and a white mask. Halfway through the fight, Joker slices the mask off to reveal the man being...Wonder, the protagonist of this game. Wonder wakes up on his bed, revealing what he just saw to be a dream. The opening scene was definitely surprising and captivated me to want to learn more about the game.
Music: 10/10
While reusing music such as last surprise and beneath the mask from persona 5, P5X adds their own original works, which are honestly bangers. Shadow Loop and Wake Up Your Hero, the new battle themes with normal shadows, and the first boss theme Last Strike are really great tracks and live up to the hype of Persona music.
Characters: 7/10
I don't have to say much for the character designs, as some characters really fall flat and just seem like cheap copies of other persona characters. HOWEVER, each character has a unique backstory, that shadows and reflects one or more persona 5 character. Even if they are reflections, Black Wings Studios really managed to keep each characters storyand developement interesting and still somewhat different. Also, some eocial links from P5 are back in P5X such as Takemi and Iwai, with Iwai serving as the weapon banner of the game.
Story: 5/10 I'm making a declaration. The first palace holder's "sin" is really like a mini boss shadow in Persona 5, like one you would find in mementos through a request in the phantom theives fan site at first. But, after learning more about him through his backstory, it felt more meaningful for him to have his own palace, but otherwise he really seemed a little plain. This however seems to be improving quite a bit with the second palace holder, wo hose story I'm still going through. There's also some really interesting theories, such as how Wonder's starting persona, Janosik, although a historical character, in game through daily lesson quizes, has been referred to as the true identity of Robin Hood. Seeing how Janosik is a gunslinger persona who deals bless damage, like how robin hood was an archer persona dealing bless damage, there definitely can be some...interesting parallels between a cwrtain persona 5 character and Wonder.
Gameplay: 5/10 P5X scratches the persona itch to some extent, but not...fully. Exploration of palaces and mementos are still about the same and combat as well, but negotiations were removed, and instead is more like P3/4 where you just get new personas afyer every battle. Follow up attacks and baton passes were also changed to be linked to a specific persona skill, you don't even get to choose the target the characters do baton pass attacks on. so nattles require much more planning ahead to know the exact sequence you want to set off. Depending on people this is a plus or a minus. Persona awakenings feels less cool, characters don't rip the mask off anymore as, well, censorship (hopefully that changes for global release) instead the madk just burns off in a blue flame. Wonder's running animations are...honestly really bad, and as of right now im the metaverse, there is no transition animstions so characters snap from walking to running very unnaturally. However, social links are back and work the same, and the new animation when getting a new social link or upgrading one is really really satisfying. Wonder is a wild card, and personas can be earned through battles or gacha, as 2/3 star pulls. Velvet room works exactly the same as well, but fusion and execution animations are way less cool.
Now, about the gacha, its just as every other gacha game. They are more generous with pulls but its 80 pulls to a guarantee five star (but you jeed to win 50/50 of course).The first limited character was Joker, and standard characters now are Ann, Morgana, and Ryuji. After 50 pulls on the begginers banner, you get to choose between one standard 5 star. I know gacha games are controversial, but remember playing them is alright, and honestly the game doesnt really try or at least hasnt convinced me to spend anytjing to get a specific weapon or character. Also, weapon banner pulls are less expensive in terms of in game currency than charzcter banner pulls.
Overall, the game is worth checking out in my opinion, as someone who plays a ton of triple a games and only 1 or 2 gachas i don't spend on at all. But again its just my opinion, and its going to get judged heavily on the internet :D
I'm open to any questions about the game, if y'all have any

Hello there,
Apologies in advance for a long winded question. We're moving to Ontario this year from the US. Our son is currently in 8th grade (doing 9th grade honors for all subjects and AP Precalculus for math). He is interested in Waterloo's CS engineering or Software Engineering. Here he does International academic competitions and Quiz bowls and such for extra curricular right now. We saw on Waterloos website about Euclid, CSMC, CIMC etc as options for academic competitions. What other ECs do you all recommend? Also, does Software Engineering come with a co-op option? Thank you for your help!

A friend of mine is very depressed because of two major things: school and the fact that she has just three real friends, me and to others. We are all very smart and kinda nerdy so it is really hard for her to find new friends. At the end of lower secondary she changed school to a boarding school with a lot of biology, which is her favourite topic/subject. Unfortunately she underestimated how little time she would have with her old friends i.e. me. Also the teachers were very strange so her stress showed in sickness. She was so sick that she couldn't go to school for almost the whole first semester. Even though I was ready to study with her and explain different topics to her she always blocked. She is very perfectionistic and actually cried when she had a three...that would be like a C in America I think. She missed all her exams and it was clear that she would have to do them on e she was back in school. She was very lucky since she did not fail any of them but a D or C were very common grades. It was foreseeable but she was still very dissapointed and, what I couldn't quize understood, surprised. So she changed back to my school in February and because all that "bad" grades she got in her report card and exams, which were all positive, she missed also this school until middle of April. Now she can not finish the schoolyear if she has one "not graded" or two classes she failed. A "not graded" is, whem the teacher has to few things she (or he) could grate. For example because the student was missing so much. I am very interested in education so I suggested different learning Techniches and Methods wich don't need a lot of time but are very effective. I am also ready to study with her and the only time she said yes was one time for Latin in which exam she received a three. Whenever she says a negative thought I try to rephrase it or put it in a more realisitc context. The thing is she would need like 110 percent ofy energy. And I can not give that amount of inner energy to her. My own home is toxic, which she does not know. She only knows myemtal health is not perfect either - that were her words. I suffer from perfectionism, pressure and toxic parents. My siblings have all moved out and live partially in a foreign country. Now it is not like necessary that she notices how bad it is fore either but I just can't go on rephrase energy and say own thoughts, the one I trained myself to respond to the bad thoughts by thinking or saying the common sense thought, and hear her planting duobt and being negative all the time. I know that that is basically what beimg depressed means. Now the fact that I don't say these things out loud around her gives me the feeling that I can not be open with her. I can not give her feedback without making the whole thing worse and I can not tell her my opinion of her behaviour. Depression is the reason but not an excuse. She does go to therapy but kind of expect that that is enough. That she does not need to do anything by herself in order to get better. That because she did not do anything to get her depression it will go away just because she takes antidepressiva. Is that right? What should I do in my position. I can not give her as much energy as I gave her in the past and I will always do things that help myself, even if they are not the things she would want me to do. I thing that she is actually hurting my confidence and self-awareness. Still I love her since we have been best friends for almost four years now. I honestly don't now what to do. What can I do in order to not destroy myself, but still helping her?

Hello, I had a hard time finding reviews for these UCSD extended studies courses (Analytical Chemistry, Biochemistry, Medical Microbiology), so i figured I'd post here in case anyone is also looking for feedback.

Analytical Chemistry (CHEM-40004) Jacob Strain

• Graded material included: 4 Quizzes, midterm writing assignment, and Final
  • ungraded weekly discussions
  • Quizzes: open book/note, not timed, can open quiz questions and complete within a week. Don't have to complete quiz in 1 session
  • Midterm Writing Assignment: Based on a discussion post, Design an assay for something of your choice.
    • what analyte(s) have been chosen
    • the sample matrix (or matrices)
    • background information that conveys the importance of measuring this analyte(s) and states the application of testing (for example: clinical, environmental, etc.).
    • state what analytical technique you have selected to measure the analyte(s).
    • Determine if your test will be qualitative or quantitative.
    • cite literature sources
    • minimum word count of 300 words and maximum page length of two pages.
  • Final: multiple choice, true/false questions, fill in the black, interpretation of graphs, etc
• Final Course Grade: A-
• Format: Online asynchronous, recorded lectures & downloadable powerpoint slides
• Would take again: Yes
• Textbook: Yes
  • I used it for material that I didn't understand, but internet search would do
  • He asked questions from the text, but not many
  • Free book available: https://chem.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Analytical_Chemistry/Book%3A_Analytical_Chemistry_2.1_(Harvey)//)

Medical Microbiology (BIOL - 40367) Wilson, Jesse

• Graded material included: Weekly discussions, weekly quizzes, final, optional extra credit writing assignment
  • Weekly discussions: 1 post on lecture material, 1 response to a peer's post
    • 250 words, Journal references needed
  • weekly quizzes:
    • Multiple choice, true/false, diagnose symptomatic patient
    • 60 minute timed
    • open note/book, Unproctored
  • Final
    • similar to quizzes except on all material covered in course
  • Extra credit writing assignment
    • 1 page paper on topic of your choice
    • must be approved by instructor prior to writing
    • need journal sources
• Final Grade: B+
• Format: Online asynchronous, recorded lectures & downloadable powerpoint slides
• Would take again: Yes
  • very interesting course
  • alot of material covered
• Textbook: Yes
  • Did not use it, I used internet search
  • Microbiology with Diseases by Taxonomy 6th Edition by Robert Bauman ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0134832302; ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0134832302

Biochemistry (BIOL-40357) Dr. Anila Venable Madiraju

• Graded material included: Weekly discussions, weekly quizzes, final, optional extra credit writing assignments
  • Weekly discussions: 1 post on lecture material, 1 response to a peer's post
    • 250 words, Journal references needed
    • Pretty stern on grading these
  • weekly quizzes: Multiple choice, true/false, interpretation of graphs
    • Timed 60-min , unproctored
    • open book/note
  • Final: Have not taken yet
  • optional extra credit writing assignment
    • write one report on a topic related to biochemistry, topic must be approved by instructor
    • other extra credit opportunities available
• Final Grade: In process
  • B+ so far
  • Does not grade discussions right away, hard to tell how well I'm doing, I'm 5 weeks in and only 2 discussions have been graded
• Format: Online asynchronous, recorded lectures & downloadable powerpoint slides
• Would take again: not sure, I don't like that I don't know where I stand in the class right now due to the discussions (which is busy work, in my opinion)
• Textbook: Yes
  • Biochemistry: A Short Course, 4th Edition, by Tymoczko, Berg, Gatto, Stryer, ISBN 9781319114633
  • Have not used it so far, I use the internet

For background: I had already completed my B.S in Biology and was missing 5 prerequisites prior to applying for a CLS program. I took 1 class at a time as I work full-time, am in a relationship, and wanted to have a life outside of work and school. As of today, I have not applied to a program and am planning on taking Clinical Hematology & Immunology at UCSD, if you have any professor recommendations/information please feel free to share.

I (15M) have two brothers: Rufus (14M) and Dirk (11M). I’m not close to either of my brothers as we all have very different personalities and interests.
A few months ago, one of Dirk’s best friends died in a car accident. Dirk played basketball with this boy and I’d always see him when Dirk had friends over.
This boy was Chinese-American, as were his parents obviously. Dirk and his other friends would go to the boy’s house and the parents would make traditional Chinese dishes and his friend embraced his heritage.
My parents love to get antiques and thrift and about twice a month (sometimes more), we will go out to the stores with them.
Ever since his friend died, our parents have bought Dirk has bought anything Chinese he saw. I’m not talking about stuff just made in China but actually Chinese vases, fans, chairs, ect. This has been away for Dirk to cope with his loss, however he’s also in therapy.
Dirk’s wall space is pretty full and when in an antique store last week, he saw a piece that would be too big for any spot in his room. Our parents said they’d put it in the living room. Our living room has stuff I and Rufus like, Rufus has some Star Wars and robotics stuff in the living room that can’t fit in our rooms.
The issue was how Rufus reacted. Rufus wasn’t with us this weekend as he had quiz bowl practice. By the time he had got home, our parents already put up this piece in the living room.
I was in the living room with my boyfriend (15M) when Rufus started to make some bigoted remarks, he asked me why we had that “c***k shit” in our living room and said Dirk’s coping mechanisms have gone too far and if our parents would force us to “eat dog for dinner”, my boyfriend started to whisper in my ear asking why I wasn’t doing anything. Dirk and our parents were out at some basketball thing for Dirk, they had picked Rufus and he came in the house alone. I told my boyfriend to relax, but once Rufus called Dirk a “c***k lover” he got up and started to tell Rufus to shut up. They had a screaming match before Rufus went in his room.
I told him that he knows Rufus says bigoted stuff, like using the n word on his video games. Our parents have tried therapy and inclusivity training and taking his phone but nothing has worked, this has been an issue since he was 8-9. I told him I’ve given up on Rufus but he said I should still try, and he asked how I would feel if someone attacked me for being gay. I told him Rufus has used the f slur before and he asked me why I’ve hidden that from him.
Since then, my boyfriend says he only wants to meet at his house and not my house anymore and he’s saying I need to “grow a backbone”. He said I need to learn to “stick up for Dirk” in the future and how Dirk would be a great BIL but Rufus would be a terrible one. I told him it’s not that simple but he just rolls his eyes at me. AITA?

Hello I’m student of high school in second grade :) My school is aimed at robotics and we have project from my IT teacher that I need someone to do it for me. He gave us a big article that included more specific demands of project (I will put it down here) everyone in my class should choose some project and then they should programme it and present it in front of the whole class. Problem is that I’m now on vacation and I don’t have my computer here and the deadline of the project is the exact day that that I’m coming back home. I’ve chose theme and the how the project should look and this is what I came with:
Basic Description: Runner In my final project, I would like to try creating a simple game called Runner. In the game Runner, the user will play as a character who jumps over skyscraper rooftops. Gaps will move towards the player, so the player will constantly be running. Their task will be to jump over as many gaps as possible and survive as long as they can.
Description of User Controls: The user will have very simple controls. They will have the option to jump, which will be used to leap over the gaps between skyscrapers. I would probably choose the space bar for jumping, as it is commonly used for jumping in most games. Additionally, they will have access to the "L" key, which stands for "leave" and will end the game and show the user their statistics to see how they performed. The results of the game will always be displayed in the console after a loss or when the game is exited.
-And here’s the article with requirements from my teacher:
Create a program in the C programming language, demonstrating what you've learned. The program must include 75% of the topics listed below and they must be meaningfully utilized: - Bit operations - Structures - File handling - Dynamic memory allocation, pointers
Each student will have their own project assignment, which you will design yourself. The assignment is subject to approval by the instructor. A maximum of 2 identical assignments are allowed per class. If more students want the same assignment, priority will be given to those with lower IT grades. If a student cannot find a suitable assignment on their own, one will be assigned by the instructor. The assignment text must be submitted by the week of April 15th. The project can be a game, an educational program, a quiz, calculations of electrical quantities in circuits, etc.
You will work on the project individually. Every week, you will submit what you have worked on, which can include working on the project, documentation, or a presentation. After the final submission, you will receive 4 grades—2 for the project, 1 for documentation, and 1 for the presentation.
Minimum project requirements: - In addition to the main function, the project must include at least one more function in separate files. - The project must use arrays or structures somewhere. - The project must include file operations—reading and writing. - The project should be "foolproof," i.e., it should not freeze or crash when incorrect inputs are given.
The project should reflect at least 15 hours of student work by the end of the second year. The program should have about 550 lines. The length of one file must not exceed 250 lines. You can count the lines using the cloc program, available for download here.
In the project, adhere to naming conventions for variables, functions, etc. Use one language throughout the project—either English or Czech. Exceptions for the use of Czech are predefined names like main, math.h, etc.
You will submit: - A. The assignment by April 21st, including: - a project title - a description of the program's purpose - a description of user interaction - a plan for how the project will be programmed, including functions, processes, etc. - B. Weekly submissions of your work—source codes, documentation, presentations. - C. By June 3rd, if applicable: - a complete, commented project compressed using ZIP - documentation in WORD or a similar text editor: - a description of operation and use - function samples—not screenshots - a description of functions and their interconnections, including an UML diagram of at least one extensive function, usually main. - an evaluation of whether the assignment was met and suggestions for improvements or descriptions of additional features if the assignment was exceeded. - a presentation (in PowerPoint or a similar program) intended for projection, including: - an advertising section (at least 6 slides) - an expert section (at least 4 slides), showing interesting code snippets with descriptions.
-I just need the project in c and the basically everything that is programming, word and etc. will do myself

Once again, I'm leaving some thoughts on how first year comp sci is on TMU, something I hope somebody out there may find useful cause I sure as hell was stressed out when I was about to start uni this year.
I barely showed up to any lectures this sem, partially cause I was binge watching AOT, but also because I had 2 days off in the middle of the week, and classes at 8am every day I did have school. Once again, if you do have the discipline to be able to wake up and get to class at 8am, you can get out early, or have 1or 2 days, and it's great, but I fucked up my sleep schedule early into the sem and my attendance tanked because of it.

CPS209 - Tim McInerney

Eh, Java is definitely a harder language to learn than python, but you should be alright, especially if you covered it in high school. I showed up a total of 2 lectures, didn't pay attention in either, and ended up with a 4.33. As long as you do the lab homework and assignments you should be fine, you however I will admit this review's biased as I wrote and scored a level 4 on the AP ICS exam, so I had a lot of experience beforehand, but a lot of my friends who didn't, were able to pick up Java without too much difficulty either. There's tons of resources out there if you want more practice outside of school, Codecademy is what I used to start learning how to code, and Codingbat is a good to practice the basics.
Don't pick an 8am Friday lab like me, they force you to show up for attendance even if the quiz takes 5 minutes to do. Even the TA's didn't wanna do it, but some guy was talking a little too much in the CS discord so they ended up having to.

CPS310 - Maryam Davoudpour

I'm sure there is some useful information to learn from this course but it sure as hell didn't feel like it. CPS213 was a lot more interesting working with logic gates and having an environment to build circuits in, but CPS310 is literally just a boring assembly class. You learn how computers can read bits and turn it into commands to be executed and yeah I thought that was interesting. But 3/4 labs was essentially just about hand writing code, which was easy, but so tedious I didn't wanna look at another 1 or 0.
Professor Davoudpour's a terrible lecturer as well, I stopped showing up after the first few weeks as she'd just read off of her slides in a monotone voice.I genuinely think she doesn't understand what she's teaching at times.
The content leading up to the midterm was pretty easy, lots of people scored around 80+% and walked out early. I didn't touch the class at all until a day before the midterm and did pretty decent, however the content after the midterm was a little more rough, and I indeed could not cram the entirety of the course into 1 day.

CPS412 - Preeti Raman

In the nicest way possible, a lot of majors will have boring and core courses they'll have to take, related to communications, codes, ethics, etc. but I genuinely think this class is the most brain dead course out there. You just talk about ethics and whatever garbage Prof Raman could think about to bundle together and make this class run, such as deepfakes, philosophy, privacy, etc. I get that it's essential to learn about codes and guidelines you have to follow when you are in your career, but I never fully paid attention to a single lecture, although I dragged myself against my will to showed up to many... You have to attend because there's in-class participation marks that account for 8% of your final grade! The group project was a bitch too, it was done in 3 phases for a total of 30% of your final grade, pretty easy stuff as long as you wrote a bunch of garbage and made it look nice, it was a bird course but you had to write a bunch of tedious discussions and essays.
Overall Professor Raman was nice, and I could tell she would try to get us engaged with the topics we covered through activities. There were a lot of guest speakers that came in from different companies and fields in the tech industry too, and even someone from TMU's co-op department to teach us how to make a resume.
Both the midterm and final exam were MCQ's from this question bank they give you. 70% of the questions are common sense, and the other 30 is just pure bullshit. Granted, it was my fault I didn't study for the midterm, but I was livid when I'd get a question such as "Who invented the pencil" or "What year was the rat trap invented", I just don't think trivial questions like those have any place in a university, where it can impact your chances of getting into co-op or keeping your scholarship. I was also cheesed when on the final, I wrote "morality" instead of "morals" and the Prof said I could't get any marks for it.

MTH207 - Dzung Ha

Be surprised if you ever see this man send an email with a body instead of just writing it in the subject. Pretty funny guy, he missed like 5 classes, one of which was because he didn't know we started this semester on a Friday. The class was pretty hard, but in a good challenging way. He'll teach you the concepts, but throws hard critical thinking questions on the final. Go to your labs, I forgot all of my algebra and stopped going to lectures pretty early on and got cooked in this course, genuinely didn't think I'd pass, but he was really generous giving everyone a 10% bonus as long as you did all of the assessments, and an additional bonus if you did better on the final compared to your midterm.
If you actually attend the lectures, go to the labs, and do the homework then you'll be fine, I have a terrible habit of not showing up to lectures and cramming every course the day before the final, and this is the one course you CANNOT cram. Ha's handwriting is pretty shit so good luck understanding it sometimes LMAO.

CPHL214 - Thomas Hart

So I decided to take my liberal online through Chang this sem to save a bit of money and time on commuting. It's not a bad move considering the shitty weather in winter, however the course selection may be smaller.
This course was async, and mostly common sense. Every week you'd write a discussion post, and do an assignment that'd take like 15-20 mins, with most of the content being google-able and easy to understand. There was an essay, 2 quizzes, then the final exam, all of which were online. To my surprise there was a lot of overlap in this course with comp sci first year, we covered truth tables and logic similar to discrete maths (p implies q, not q implies not p, etc).
The downside to this course, (maybe it's just a Philosophy thing) is that you don't really get any of your grades back at all, with no feedback. By the 50% refund drop date I got back 1 quiz and half of the assignment marks (you're guaranteed 100% if you submit them). I didn't get back any other grades until the very end of the course, with no feedback at all, so it can feel a bit discouraging when you don't know how you're doing in the course, or how to improve for the next assessment. You can also feel a bit lonely doing a course online, people don't really speak too much on the discussion boards, and you'll never make any friends in person.

Summary

Overall, if you stop showing up to school and trying in your classes I think it can get pretty depressing. You have to really go out of your way to make friends in TMU, especially comp sci cause I'm assuming most of us are introverted, so I'd recommend joining a club or a team if you can. Hell most of the friends I made this year are because of extra curriculars.
The curriculum isn't that hard first year, at least compared to second year so I'd recommend getting ahead and taking CMN300 or MTH380 in the Spring/Summer through Chang if possible, and WORK ON SIDE PROJECTS. It doesn't even have to be anything crazy, as long as you start somewhere, and learn on your own you'll beat everyone who doesn't have any projects outside of school when finding internships.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be dead in the next 24 hours.
Whether that's the Costella family, or whatever this is, I'm not sure.
The police are taking forever, and part of me knows they're either refusing to believe me, or RC got them too.
I'm holed up on our school bus, so I've got nothing better to do.
I want to tell you about my team.
We met in our sophomore year.
Strangers standing outside the club room.
Levi was the freckled brunette who wouldn't stop talking about Game of Thrones.
Sunny, a pretty redhead, told him to shut up.
Tom, a sandy blonde, nodding his head to music corked in his ears.
I just wanted to be part of a club, and get away from my overbearing mother.
I won't say it was a perfect start. Our school was lacking in funding, so anyone could join, which made us more of a Quiz Club. I had some serious anxiety, so I stayed on the sidelines for a while, watching, rather than taking part.
It's not like we actually talked to each other initially. The first few weeks, we played Jeopardy, and attempted to find more members to cement us as an official Academic Decathlon club.
Unfortunately, though, it was just the four of us.
Which made it extremely hard for us to be taken seriously.
According to Google, Academic Decathlon teams were made up of nine members, placed by their GPA.
Our principal laughed at us, but he did let us become official.
Which was out of pity, I assumed.
The club was assembled, and we started meeting up after school.
Sort of.
Sunny barely showed up, and Levi didn't take anything seriously, preferring to spend the time telling us about his weird family turf-war.
Our principal dumped us in a tiny classroom with a resident rat living under the floorboards.
There was barely enough room to move, and the four of us crammed together for three hours was less than appealing.
Still, though, I wanted to be part of a club.
I had grown up with parents who were obsessed with board games, so I was pretty good at general knowledge questions. Our club room was too small for anything else but three desks (Sunny and I shared one) and a whiteboard we had to shove through the door.
But, again, we didn't start as an Academic club.
It was more akin to Story Time Club.
Arriving late on my third day, armed with quiz cards from home, I found Tom and Sunny completely mesmerised by Levi’s storytelling skills, drowned in shadow.
They didn't even turn the lights on.
I strictly remember squeezing next to Sunny, and hearing the words, “But there was so much blood all over the floor, and my Mom told me to go upstairs and hide under the bed…”
Sitting in front of them was Levi, perched on a desk, his legs swinging, a whiteboard marker between his teeth.
Sometimes he'd get up, and illustrate parts of his story.
It sucked that his drawings were all stick people.
I won't go into full details of his life, but Levi grew up as part of a family who had… interesting methods of making a living. I had seen the guy’s father multiple times when we hung out at his place, and, yeah, my friend’s family definitely had Soprano vibes.
Levi’s Draw My Life was nothing to do with the club, but it did bring us closer.
Even if, at that point, I was considering leaving.
But it's not like it was easy to walk away from these guys. It's like finding your soulmates. Levi wasn't the only one with an interesting life. Sunny Lang was an ex kpop trainee, who was kicked out for being too fat, which led her to develop a severe eating disorder, and a hatred for her own body.
Sunny explained her family were originally from Boston, her mother growing up in Korea.
She signed up for an idol agency focusing on creating a new girl group, and had gotten all the way to the final stages, before being kicked for her weight. Sunny told us her story with a smile, though there was a hollowness in her eyes I couldn't ignore. The other girls were judgemental bullies, and the idol diet and brutal regime almost killed her.
Sunny lived in a tiny apartment with 9 girls, who would tear each other apart for a chance to debut. Sunny said all the other girls debuted, and when we (not so patiently) asked for names, she shrugged, admitting she signed an NDA that prevented her spilling the beans.
What she did say, was the K-pop idol is a product, not a person– and are made and moulded into a product.
She had zero interest in throwing her humanity away to become a manufactured doll.
So, one of us was the son of an underground family, and the other was an ex idol.
Tom was an aspiring horror writer with a famous older step-brother.
His story times were usually, That one time I went to the Met Gala.
When it was my turn to reveal my story, I told them the only interesting thing about me.
I could smell when something bad was going to happen.
They laughed, but I was being serious.
When I was a kid, I smelled my mother’s brain tumor.
I remember it smelled like curdled milk.
I asked Mom why her head smelled of mouldy milk, and Mom laughed and said it was her shampoo.
It was actually a grade two tumor growing inside her brain.
Thankfully, the tumour was found quickly and removed.
Growing older, I became sensitive to smell. The little girl choking on the bus smelled of singed wood, and the old man crossing the road stunk of gasoline.
In the fourth grade, my classmate Alex Castor smelled of lemons all morning.
I sat behind him, choking on the stink all the way through class.
Ever since I met him, Alex had always smelled… off.
It was a distinct smell I could never understand, and as the days and months and years went by, that smell morphed into a subtle orangey musk that was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose. Then, he smelled like lemons.
During Recess, I watched Alex fall off of the jungle gym, straight onto his head.
Alex Castor was dead before the paramedics arrived, my panicked teacher attempting CPR when his brains were leaking out of his ears.
The school claimed it was an accident, but Alex would have been fine if the jungle gym wasn't built on solid concrete.
I told my team members this, and Levi was sceptical.
“You can smell bad things?” He said, his lips curved around his milkshake straw. In the early days, we hung out in the local bar. It's not like we were allowed inside, but Levi could get us in anywhere.
I was squeezed between Tom and Sunny, while Levi took the seat opposite us. I couldn't help noticing our waitress was insisting on free milkshake refills, her frantic eyes glued to Levi.
I had zero idea why. Levi Costella was about as intimidating as a fruit fly.
Wearing a white shirt with a popped collar, a leather jacket thrown over the top, Levi was giving rebellious Harvard student, rather than son of a crime family.
Leaning forward, he raised a brow, clearly not believing me.
“So, you're like a stink psychic?”
I shrugged, sipping my own shake.
“Sure.”
I wasn't planning on telling him the club room smelled off on our first day.
Once we actually started the club, Levi surprised us as the smartest member, and getting to know him further, I came to the realization his family were infamous in our town.
However, his parents hid it well. Lucy and Michael Costella were the owners of a popular ramen store in our town, hiding under the facade of two successful business owners. The Costella’s were an attractive family.
Lucy was a sophisticated brunette with a lipstick smile, Michael, a handsome fluffy haired man who looked like he modelled glasses.
The two were fiercely protective over their youngest son, not so casually reminding us behind grinning smiles, that if anything happened to Levi, we would automatically be involved in the family.
I mean, they did laugh and say, “We’re joking! Look at your little faces!” when Sunny went deathly pale. But there was definitely truth behind their words.
Being Levi’s friend was… challenging at first.
Tom and I were in his room studying for finals, and an alarm went off, flooding Levi’s room in red light.
I had zero idea where it was coming from, but it locked all the doors and windows, forcing the Costella residence into temporary lockdown. Levi didn't seem fazed, casually mentioning his parents were taking care of it.
He had a whiteboard set up in his room, and was standing in front of it, cramming all of our textbook notes into one easily digestible drawing.
Levi wasn't just smart.
He was Ivy League smart, so we had struck gold with him.
His family were questionable, and yes, sometimes I did fear for my life, but as the more time we spent at his house, the Costella household became a second home. We got used to the alarms.
I just brought along ear plugs.
I wish I was writing this post about Levi’s family, and sure, they are a factor in what is going on right now, but I want to preface this by saying the events below involve the 2024 scholastic decathlon final in our town with the school’s listed:
Starbrook High School.
Ratcliffe High School.
Please note, the incident that took place last night was immediately covered up, and all phone footage was destroyed. Our town is mostly out of the way, and does not show up on Google searches.
We also have our own version of the academic decathlon, which is a more town-level competition, due to lacking funds. The four of us were desperate to start competing with our schools.
So, we started taking things a little more seriously.
We got a coach.
Mr Hanes, who was hesitant at first.
In his words, “You will hate me as your coach.”
He started by recruiting more members, announcing, “If you want to be taken seriously as an actual club, then I'll be taking the reins from now on.”
He did, and with our teachers guidance (and sometimes brutal honesty), we reached a level where we could start competing with other school’s in town. Now, none of us knew this, but Mr Hanes was obsessed with winning.
So, club meetings were twisted into two hour study sessions with no talking, followed by Mr Hanes Jeaprody, which was Jeaprody, without the actual fun.
We were quizzed multiple times, answer cards and practise questions quite literally thrown directly in our faces.
I hate to admit this (I really hate to admit this) but Mr Hanes’s tactics worked. Sure, we had been mildly brainwashed by our slightly unhinged coach, but with Levi Costella, we destroyed our competitors. Like I said, our town held their own version of the academic scholastic decathlon, but it was pretty much the same, with some changes.
Ten subjects. Language and Literature, Math, Social Science, Economics, Art, Music, Interview, Speech, and Essay.
Unlike the official Decathlon, ours was more like a game show, with the ability to be knocked out if a team member answers a question wrong. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins. Team meet ups were either tests, study sessions, or quizzing each other.
Which leads me to last night.
The finals were held in the reigning champions, Ratcliffe High School’s, auditorium.
And we were about to win our town’s Scholastic Decathlon 2024 Championships.
Well…I was knocked out in the music section. Standing next to my coach who I was sure was going to asphyxiate from excitement, I could smell the sudden potent stink of lemon. I tried to ignore it at first, but the more questions my team were answering correctly, the smell got worse, suffocating my senses.
This wasn't just lemon. The stink was like a burning, singing smell trickling into my nose and the back of my throat.
It was stronger than what Alex smelled like.
This was suffocating, drowning my thoughts.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Mr Hanes nudged me when a Ratcliffe girl was struggling to answer a question, only for Sunny to jump in with the answer. “You look quite pale.”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
My gaze was on the Ratcliffe coach, a scary looking blonde woman, whispering in one of her student’s ears.
The Ratcliffe kid freaked me out. He was way too tall, dark blonde hair, and bulging eyes I swear were not blinking.
His gaze was glued to Levi, who wore a smug grin.
There was a smaller girl next to the Ratcliffe kid, a Macbook balanced on her knee. Every so often, he leaned into her, the two of them in deep conversation.
“I'm just nervous.”
I jumped when Ratcliffe scored a point, their side erupting into cheers.
During the break, we had a mini team meeting.
Sunny rushed to the bathroom to freshen up, and I noticed a Ratcliffe girl with a bouncing ponytail following her.
Ignoring our coach’s speech, I joined the two girls in the corridor, that lemony scent hanging thick in the air.
I caught them in an awkward position.
The Ratcliffe girl had her fingers pinched between the material of Sunny’s dark blue shirt bearing our school’s name.
Sunny looked confused, her lips parted like she was going to yell.
Ponytail dropped her hand, suddenly, with a nervous laugh. “Oh! I'm so, so, sorry,” she gushed. “You had, like, the biggest spider crawling on your back.”
Sunny caught my eye, shooting me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” She made sure to keep her distance. “Uh, where's your bathroom?”
The Ratcliffe girl nodded down the hallway. “It's just down there. I'm going there too if you want me to show you?”
Sunny motioned for me to go back to the auditorium. “Uh, sure! That'd be great!”
I did try to follow them, only for Sunny to cough loudly.
I took the hint, reluctantly heading back into the auditorium.
My team was hyping each other up, Levi in the centre, sweating through his team shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I can't do this,” He groaned. “Ratcliffe High is known to play dirty, man. They're unbeatable.”
“In what way do they play dirty?” I asked, joining them.
Levi gulped down water, shrugging.
“I dunno! They're already trying to distract me with the stink eye.” The boy narrowed his eyes at a grinning Ratcliffe kid who, after noticing our stares, jumped to his feet, waving at us.
“Hey guys!”
“That's Harry Cartwright, the son of the Cartwright family who tried to kill my parents in the third grade.” Levi mockingly waved back. “As you can see, their kid is a fucking sociopath.”
Huh. I wasn't expecting the smiley kid to be the mobster’s son.
Harry Cartwright was not what I expected.
Unlike his team members, he was the only one in casual clothing, a short sleeved white shirt and jeans, a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.
Tom went pale.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “He’s one of you? Then those bastards will have a reason to play dirty, right?”
Levi shrugged, averting his gaze. It was the first time I saw his eyes darken, like he was subtly telling the boy to back off.
“The Cartwright’s have been trying to buy our land for a while,” he muttered. “I wouldn't put it past them to use the Decathlon as a way to attack.”
“Attack?!” April, another member of our team, hissed. “Like, attack attack?”
Mr Hanes grabbed the boy, resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “Ignore them,” he said. “Hey. Look at me.”
Levi did, raising a brow.
“You're losing that spark in your eye, young man.”
“Spark?”
Our coach nodded. “Look at me, kid.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I am looking at you, Mr Hanes.”
The man was shaking. I was guessing his whole career (or coaching career) was on the line.
“They know they're losing, Mr Costella.”
Hanes shook the boy, squeezing his shoulders. “You are being positive and Ratcliffe doesn't like that. They want you to be nervous. They want to make you second guess yourself and lose confidence. Don't let them get into your head.” he smiled, giving the boy a playful shove. “Kick their asses.”
“Exactly!”
I didn't realize Sunny was back from the bathroom.
The faint smell of lemons had followed her. I noticed a wet patch on her shirt collar, though she was quick to smile at me, admitting she'd spilled water down herself. Sunny wrapped her arms around Levi, squeezing him into a hug.
She hung on for a little too long, Tom dragging her away with a laugh. “Good luck, all right?” she backed away, ruffling his hair. “We’ve got this!”
When I hugged Levi good luck too, I had to resist covering my nose.
The smell of lemon was unbearable, just like fourth grade Alex.
But it wasn't as potent as earlier.
I vaguely remembered the smell starting to fade once Alex’s body was being carted away on a stretcher.
Following my captain through the crowd, I was right. The smell was less suffocating. Before he went back to the stage, I grabbed the back of his shirt.
The material was soaking wet.
“How are you so wet?” I said, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you remember what I told you in sophomore year?”
Levi settled me with a confident, but nervous smile. “Thaaaat you're scared of clowns?”
“No. I mean the boy who smelled of lemons.” I gritted out.
Levi surprised me with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
Levi did know what I was talking about. He brought up my stink sense a day earlier in front of his parents, and I had to cover his mouth to shut him up.
Leaning close, I whispered in his ear. “You stink of rotten lemons.”
He nodded slowly, pulling away. “Uh… thanks?”
I bit back a hiss of frustration. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying–”
“Starbrooke High School,” The host announced. “Can all members please return to the stage.”
Levi held up his hand for a high five.
“Can we do this later?” He winked. “I'm kinda busy carrying this spelling-bee on my back right now.”
I nodded shakily, high fiving him, and letting him jump back onto the stage.
Before his words hit like a tidal wave, ice cold water slammed into me.
Spelling Bee?
Slowly making my way back to the stands, Levi’s mistake was circling around my head. He did win a spelling bee, but that was in middle school.
Thankfully, the smell of lemons was gone when I returned to my seat.
Mr Hanes handed me a soda. “Chill out, Cassandera, it's just a game.”
He could talk. The guy was on his fifth coffee.
Mr Hanes was not chilled out in the slightest.
Surprisingly, the event went well. I was half expecting my team to be crushed by the rafters, or caught in a blaze started in the crowd. But we were doing well. No, we were winning.
Reaching the climaxing round, Sunny choked against a smug Ratcliffe boy, joining me on the sidelines.
Levi answered the next question with a confident smile.
We were winning, but Ratcliffe could still catch up with a miracle.
The second to last question was to Ratcliffe, and it was general knowledge.
”Where on the human body would one find the *orbit?*
I knew the answer, and so did Levi, his lips breaking out into a smile when the Ratcliffe boy was hesitating, eyes wide.
Our school’s buzzer went off, Levi slamming his hand down.
Bzzz!
The host turned to our team. “Starbrooke, can I have your answer?”
Levi nodded, shooting our team a victory grin.
“It's…!“ He opened his mouth to answer, his jaw slackening suddenly.
The boy’s shoulders slumped.
“Uh… “
“Um…”
“Huhhhhh…”
Levi inclined his head, blinking, his eyes glazing over. There was a sudden, hollow vacancy that sent chills down my spine. It was like someone had reached into his skull, and yanked out his brain, leaving a shell in his place.
To my confusion, our team captain frowned at his buzzer like he'd never seen one before. He pressed it, exploding into child-like giggles.
Bzzz!
The audience laughed along nervously.
Tom nudged me. “What the fuck is he doing?”
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Levi’s entire body was slumped, his hand slamming down on the buzzer.
I caught something pooling down his chin.
“Is he… drooling?” I whispered.
Mr Hanes looked mildly horrified. “Has he been drinking?
“Levi?” Tom spluttered. “Drinking?!"
Whatever we were watching, however, was definitely influenced by… something.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz!
“Young man, that is not a toy!”
The host wasn't amused. “Starbrooke High School, I need an answer from you,” He nodded to Levi, who was pressing the buzzer, his smile growing.
“Once again,” The host backed away, like Levi was contagious. “Where on the human body would one find the Orbit?”
Levi cocked his head, lips parted.
His gaze found the overhead lights, and he winced, his lips curling into a frown.
“Starbrooke High School!”
Levi jumped, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry. “Palm tree?”
The audience laughed, and I started feeling nauseous.
Across from us, I could see the twist of a smirk on the Ratcliffe coach’s lips.
Bzzz! Levi slammed the buzzer again giggling.
“Starbrooke High School, if your team member continues to act like this, I will be forced to disqualify all members.”
Our captain stopped, gaze glued to the host, his hand creeping towards the buzzer, like it was a big red button.
The audience loved it, laughing like they were watching a sitcom.
“He wouldn't.” Tom whisper-shrieked.
The auditorium was silent for a moment, awaiting Starbrooke’s response.
Levi stuck out his tongue, slamming his hand down.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz–
When Tom dragged Levi away from his podium, a Ratcliffe girl hit her buzzer.
“Starbrooke High School, you are disqualified,” the host announced. “Ratcliffe High School, do you have an answer?”
It was Ponytail who nodded with a grin.
“The answer is the eye socket! The Orbit is part of the eye socket!”
“That is the correct answer.” The host was distracted, his eyes glued to Levi.
“Ratcliffe High School wins.”
Levi jumped when the Ratcliffe wide erupted into cheers.
His eyes were wide, clinging onto the buzzer for comfort.
Next to me, our coach looked like he was going to faint.
I barely noticed Ratcliffe’s victory, too busy watching our team captain, who was Harvard bound, tipping his head back and smiling at the ceiling like a new-born baby. Tom dragged the stumbling boy over to me, his mouth twisted.
“This was Ratcliffe, right?” He hissed, shaking our captain, who was struggling, squirming in his grip.
“Did they put something in his drink?!” He prodded Levi. “Hey! What did they do to you?!”
Still, though, drugging his drink didn't make sense.
Levi never left the auditorium, and kept his water bottle with him the whole time.
How did they even manage to slip something into his drink in the first place?
Did I smell our competitors drugging him?
Sure, intentionally inebriating my teammate was morally wrong and illegal, but why could I smell lemon?
“I doubt it was Ratcliffe.” Sunny squeezed next to me. “I've been watching them. They're harmless.”
“Then how the fuck do we explain this to his parents?!” Tom whispered, grappling with Levi, who was fighting to get back to the buzzer.
When Tom let go of him, he dropped onto the floor, crawling over to his podium. It was like watching a child.
Who was determined to piss off the adults.
Levi jumped back to instead feet, his gaze was glued to the host, a smile curved on his lips, when he slammed the buzzer again.
Bzzz!
“Someone, please remove the Starbrooke boy from the stage!”
I was embarrassed, our whole team ducking our heads as our captain was forcibly removed from the podium.
Mr Hanes grabbed Levi, pulling him off of the stage.
I expected our coach to be mad at him, but I think the teacher was more worried, a phone pressed to his ear while he forced the boy into a sitting position.
No, I don't think it's influence from alcohol, I could hear his conversation.
Levi kept trying to get up, mesmerised by the buzzer. The teacher was firm but gentle. “Hey. Sit down, all right? Keep still.” He went back to his phone call, gently prying Levi’s eyes open.
From what I can see, there's nothing wrong. He's just kind of…
Mr Hanes swiped his own hands on his jeans. ... wet?
Team Ratcliffe came over to rub it in our faces, though I was still tuned into our coach’s hissed whispering.
Water? No, I don't think it's water. It smells… no, I haven't told his parents…
“You guys did awesome!” Ponytail's voice was sugary sweet. Too sugary.
She held the 2024 trophy, bearing a satisfied smile. I noticed the Ratcliffe members were surrounding Harry, like guards.
“Better luck next time, okay?” She held out her hand, her eyes twinkling.
“No hard feelings?”
“Control your dog.” Harry said, amused eyes flicking to Levi, who was once again sprinting back to the fucking buzzer. His eyes had visibly darkened, lips curled into a triumphant smile.
Harry Cartwright was watching Mr Hanes chase our team captain like it was his own personal entertainment.
I had to look away before I died of second hand embarrassment.
“What did you put in his drink?” Tom demanded. “Weed? Edibles?” the boy attempted to shove Harry, only to be pushed back. “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Harry’s smile didn't waver. “Like I said. Control your mut.”
When the Ratcliffe team walked away, our red faced coach struggling with Levi, who was behaving progressively more erratically, informed us we were longer welcome inside the school.
Tom suggested calling an ambulance, but our coach was hesitant.
We all knew who Levi’s family were.
On the way out, Tom matched my stride. He was frowning at our team captain struggling to walk.
The way he was acting was already eyebrow raising.
But walking at an angle and being unable to stand up straight was worrying.
“I don't think they drugged his drink.” Tom muttered.
We pushed through the doors out of the school, and I revelled in the cool night air grazing my cheek. “If they did, he would be acting out of it, right? So, what's the deal with him acting like–”
“A child.” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” Tom leaned closer. “Do you think this has something to do with their turf war?”
I slapped at a bug creeping across my cheek.
Levi fell over again, this time bursting into giggles.
“Almost definitely.”
Levi was right about Ratcliffe playing dirty. I didn't realize how dirty until we were on the losers bus home. Levi was in the seat next to me, and the kid hadn't moved since we left Ratcliffe, his eyes wide, lips pulled into a dazed grin.
Bzzz!
The noise startled me from slumber. I was drooling, my head pressed against the window. Outside, the sky was pitch dark, and squinting through the glass, I couldn't get a bearing on where we were. I thought I was hearing things, but when I sat up, I heard it again.
Bzzz!
It was close.
Leaning over the boy, I glimpsed a smear of scarlet on his headrest.
I choked on my next words.
“Tom.”
Tom was in front of me, listening to music.
He didn't reply, his head of dark blonde curls nodding to the beat.
“Levi.” I managed to get out. I prodded him, and his head lolled into his shoulder. “Hey. Can you… sit up?”
Bzzz! Bzzz!
When the boy didn't move, I gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward myself, something contracting in my stomach.
I don't know how long it takes for your mind to fully register something, but my body was already reacting.
Levi’s seat was infested with bugs, eating their way through the upholstery. I was aware of my body moving back. I threw up, instantly, screaming into my hand.
The back of my best friend's skull resembled a deflated soccer ball, what was left of his brain leaking from his skull where a swarm of skittering bugs chewed their way through brain tissue, metallic legs scratching the curved, pearly white of the base if his skull.
Levi’s head hung, his body flopping into mine.
But his eyes were still open, lips still stretched into a smile.
Blood ran in thick rivulets from his nose and ears.
Bzzz!
I could see them, black writhing dots alive in his eyes, wriggling movement under his skin.
“Tom!”
I jumped up, stumbling into the aisle, my stomach heaving.
And it was only when I was on my knees, swiping bile from my lips, when I realized the others weren't reacting.
Tom wasn't moving.
I pulled an Airpod out of his ear, a long, slithering string of pink attached to the end.
There was a stray bug skittering across his hand, his face starting to twitch and writhe.
Moving back, I checked myself over, my hands shaking.
Head.
Shoulders.
Hair.
Clawing through it, my breath was stuck in my throat.
Arms.
Legs.
Feet.
Mr Hanes was slumped against the window, a reddish froth bubbling from his mouth.
Sunny.
I started towards the back of the bus, but all I had to see was her bowed head, half of her skull chewed through.
Sunny was in a far more deteriorated state, her face had been ripped through, a skeletal smile glinting in the dim.
The thick black smear on the window next to her was moving.
When I screamed for the driver to stop the bus, he ignored me.
If anything, he stamped on the gas.
I moved forward to shake him, before glimpsing a bug creeping down his face.
Calling 911, the operator laughed at me.
“Bugs are eating your friends.” He said. “Do you know the penalty for calling with bullshit pranks?”
The bus didn't stop, so I stayed at the front, while the bugs took over the back, eating through my teammates.
After four hours, I risked leaning over the seat next to Tom to check on Levi.
They were eating him.
Chewing all the way through skin, muscle and bone.
I tried to stop the bus, but the driver’s hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel.
Another hour, and blood was seeping down the aisle, crawling with bugs.
Levi was gone, and in his place, a buzzing skittering pile of bugs, that I thought were going to move to a second victim, maybe burrowing into the seats.
But, no.
These things began to tremble, replicating.
Building.
Slowly, nothing became static, and static became muscle.
Then bone.
Then flesh.
When a body began to slowly form, moulded from the dead boy, I stumbled back.
These things weren't eating Levi Costella.
They were rewriting him.
…
Edit: I'm still on the bus. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm infected with whatever this thing is. I can't stop fucking itching.
I keep picking them off me but they won't stop. This bus isn't going to stop until I'm like the others.
…
Edit 2:
I can feel them chewing into my skull. They're in my ears. I keep spitting them out. Please, someone get them off of me. Help me. I don't want to die at 17.
Edit 3:
Still alive. Still breathing. Maybe they're leaving me alone????? I think I'm okay. There is a pile of bugs at my feet, but they're crawling off of me.
Edit 4:
Levi really wants to go home. Like, he just told me he REALLY wants to go home. He's got a gift for his parents.
I have a feeling I know what it is.

I (18F) recently went to the doctor with my mother a few days ago since my mother has been worried about my overall health (low interest in activities I enjoy, always tired, really bad headaches, etc...). My doctor asked a few questions about my general life, school, my relationships. But he then asked if I was happy, and I screwed up and answered "Well right not not really" and I think it sparked something since he asked if I had ever felt depressed and/or attempted self harm (I lied and told him no). He ended the consultation by prescribing a blood test to check my sugar, electrolytes, B12 (since I dont eat much) AND giving me a form to fill. Basically a "Are you depressed quiz" in which i check squares if in the past two weeks I felt a certain way.
I just dont know if I should answer that form truthfully, yes I know I have been depressed for 6 years now and I have learned to live with it. My suicidal tendencies have always stayed at ideation and I dont have the balls to take my own life. I also don't want my mother knowing that I am depressed and I am scared of taking a medication that will make me look like a zombie. My next consultation is in 2 weeks and I have to fill the form by then so he could take a look at it. I also do not live in the US and english is not my first language sorry if I sound like a toddler.

I (16f) haven’t self-diagnosed in the sense that I claim that I am autistic or anything, I just have strong suspicion that I may be or that I, at least, should seek more help. I cannot tell anymore if I should though, as whenever I speak about why I think I might be autistic, I automatically get shut down by everyone around me.
I am not very good at explaining why I think I have autism, for several reasons, one is that I simply cannot remember what exact events led me to believe so and another is that I have an extremely hard time being able to contextualize my thoughts. Though, I have always felt that I was a bit unusual compared to other people. Well, truly I did not see it until later in life though I have deep intense interests, one of them is understanding myself. I put a lot of energy into nitpicking why I do the things I do and the cause behind what I say and my actions. I think that is what first led me to research autism in the first place. I have put substantial effort into researching autism and I have found that I do line up with many of the traits autistic people have and I am aware that it is a spectrum as well. I started taking self-assessment tests, things like the RAADS-R, the Aspie quiz, the CAT-Q, the RBQ-A and some other ones. I have taken and retaken these tests over years and I’ve always found that I’ve gotten the same scores that seems to align with what other diagnosed autistic people have gotten as well. I am aware that none of these tests are conclusive, I know that, but I simply just thought that perhaps, the probability of me getting these scores as a neurotypical would be very low and knowing that I have lineage that’s autistic, I didn’t think it would be out of the line that I may be as well.
I had tried to speak to my friends about how I thought I may be autistic and they immediately shut me down after I tried to explain why I thought so. I am not very good at explaining why I think so, I still tried, I brought up my lineage and i was going to explain to them the tests I took but immediately after I said “and then I took some tests” they didn't even let me speak. Once online test came out of my mouth they all started loudly talking over me saying "oh that's not..." and saying “yea online tests aren't gonna be accurate" and "I'm good at essays that doesn't mean I'm autistic"( i don’t know what the is has to do with anything I never claimed to be good at essays, I didn’t speak anything about essays or being good at anything) I understood why they said the other things though, as online tests often aren’t accurate! But that didn’t upset me as much as the fact that they did not even try to hear out why I thought so, what upset me more was that they did not even let me try to give them my reasoning or listen to my full explanation and they assumed that I had only put in minimal research into it, that I had taken one random autism test online and deemed myself autistic when that is not true!
Though, after it all happened I thought maybe it is true that I am not autistic and that, perhaps, these tests mean nothing and I simply wanted to cling to something to explain my abnormalities.
A year ago, prior to this event, I had tried to speak to it to my father and ask that I wish to get a real diagnosis so I know if I am or not, that it greatly interests me and that I wish to know, but he asked me why and I had no answer I simply just wanted to know and then he said that even if I had it, knowing that I had it would bring me nothing but hinderance as it doesn’t seem to affect my school, and that I’d only box myself up into categories and he said some other things and then said that he does not think I’m autistic, so I never asked him again about it really I don’t think he would let me see a doctor about it.
I feel like maybe I am in the wrong for something, I guess, for suspecting I may have autism? It sounds dumb when I type it out but the negative reception I have been getting when I try to open up about it makes me feel that I’m just dumb and that I’m wrongly suspecting autism in myself. I need some advice, should I even try to reach out to a doctor anymore?

TW: Self-harm, suicide, mental illness (I wasn't sure whether or not to mark this as NSFW)
When I was a child (now 16M), my parents fought often. Physical fights, verbal fights, all of it. Like, my mother dropped a cup. It broke and they started beating each other up over that. When I was six, maybe seven (or around that. Or younger) she drank toilet cleaner to kill or hurt herself.
My father sent her to the hospital a few times. Head injuries happened too. I was beaten too (don't remember how often). My father once broke down crying while I was sleeping with him. He once yelled at me that it was all my fault. My mother thought he was cheating on her, he thought she wasn't a 'good woman' or whatever, and that was pretty much the basis of their fighting.
I tried my best to mediate the fights. Tried to get them to apologize, all that kid stuff.
I was a straight A student (no friends. Didn't want those. And socially awkward) and the fights kind of mellowed out after I turned eight. Just...fizzled out. However, there were still issues (just verbal stuff. I think. My memory's grown blurry). And after COVID came, I got bored of class and started doing stuff on my phone. One day I just found an article on Asian Parenting and some criticisms of it and that's when the first thought that what I was going through wasn't normal came up.
(This is important for later) They put me in the Cambridge Board in sixth grade.
My grades slipped during COVID by a ton (not depression or anything. Just boredom). This was seventh and eighth grade, I think. Again, memories are blurry for me these days.
I wasn't really the most sane child either. I was kind of spoiled and bratty (I pulled a knife on my mother after she interrupted a video game I was playing. Pushed her too). I think I might have a personality disorder (to those of you who want to lecture me about self-diagnosing, please, tell my parents to take me to a therapist. They'll whack you over the head and slam the door in your face. Then they'll lecture/scold me).
I got friends in eight grade though. Which was nice. Three girls, one of whom turned out to have a crush on me (that ended badly with me just trying to ignore her advances until she outright spelled it out, and then telling her I wasn't interested but wanted to stay friends. Then I accidentally offended her. She said she wanted a sibling, I told her to ask her parents -as a joke- and it turns out her mother had an operation on her fallopian tube. Awwwwwwwwkwaaaaaaard).
Come ninth and tenth, something happened. Well, first off, we shifted states. Second, my mother's father died. She went off the deep end after that. Started doing the same things she did when I was a kid. She would constantly badmouth my father and his family (she blamed him for her father's death). This led to several physical altercations. I tried to get my little brother (who I have also been horrible to. Not as in, terrible terrible. Asian parents level, I guess. I'm trying to be better) to not watch, but he insisted on trying to stop them.
He really is my brother, I suppose. As self-destructive as I am.
My two remaining friends stopped contacting me after I moved, despite them all promising to keep in touch. Well, one of them pretty much stopped contacting me months before. I'm not sure why (I might've mentioned wanting to talk to their sister again. I swear, I didn't have a crush or anything. I'd only spoken to their sister once and spent half the conversation laughing since she was funny so I just wanted to do it again. My social skills weren't great at this time. They still aren't. I also misgendered them a few times on accident, but I don't think that was the issue since I apologized and did get their gender right later on).
Yeah, so my grades were kind of weird during this time. The board wasn't easy nor was it difficult. But I could barely muster up the energy to actually study (habits from COVID. Also, maybe some fatigue from my parents). I didn't get terrible grades but they weren't picture-perfect either. But that's partially because (apparently) some of the science teachers took questions from 11th year past papers.
Ultimately, I am currently waiting for my Board results (they went fairly well if I say so myself. I'd say, at least a B for everything other than French. At least. Hopefully).
For ninth grade: I had a friend (female), but I never really talked about this stuff with her.
Physical fights at my house were common. My dad beat me up sometimes too (or at the very least, insulted me with hurtful comments. I don't think he understood how deep they really cut).
My father left the country mid-year, leaving me with my mother and brother. My mother continued her muttering, and sometimes she even broke furniture when she was having a bad day (and slapped my brother around when she was mad and he was being slightly annoying). She slammed a cabinet door so hard the glass broke. Then she broke another cabinet door.
However, during this time I think I might've suffered from some kind of disorder. Mild form of depression, maybe. I'd enter these 'episodes' (not sure how else to describe them) of constant negative and self-deprecating thinking. Suicide attempts (Usually consisted of me trying to smother myself with a pillow, strangle myself, or slit my wrists with a geometry compass) and self-harm (biting, sometimes banging my head on the wall, and stabbing myself with a pen -this wasn't hard enough to bleed).
The pain helped drown everything else out.
This was the year I discovered my bisexuality too. And tenth grade was the grade I fell in love. Hard. Like, 'Fire Meet Gasoline' by Sia (am I getting old? I feel like this is kind of reference someone from the nineties would make) kind of hard. And yes, I'm fairly certain this was love rather than a crush. So, this guy I knew from ninth grade (cold, used to joke he had this 'sociopath serial killer look', worked with him and that one friend I made in ninth for a school project) was there, and I just invited him to sit with me and my friend, and then stuff snowballed.
He was hilarious, charming (to some people, at least) and most of all: he was challenging. Not in a bad way, just very snarky and stuff.
He's aromantic and asexual. I insisted on touching him (hugs, hand-holding, sometimes even resting my head in his lap and touching his hair). He never said no to it, though I didn't think he liked it either. But personally, I think I was touch-starved and just really needed physical affection of some kind. Oh, and also, now that I think about it, he might've been the one person to hug me in years. I tutored him for math in ninth and he hugged me after getting a good grade. That friend I made before him wasn't really into physical affection much.
Alongside that, I often made comments about him. Not sexual stuff (though I did tell him he was handsome a few times. He has a habit of downgrading himself which I find both kind of weird and adorable, and I enjoy setting the record straight for him), more like 'I would set the world on fire for you' kind of simpy crap.
So, yeah. I'm pretty sure everyone knew about this in my class. I'm pretty sure half the class already might've thought we were dating (though I've heard rumors about me and that girl too, which just...no. We are friends. She is not my type). I caught some guys looking at us weirdly (not homophobic, I think. Just curious) and I think a part of me enjoyed the attention on the two of us (like "This is mine, you got that fucker? Stare all you want, but if you come an inch closer I'll rip your jaw off").
I got jealous when any guy came close to him. Even his cousin (look, Targaryens did it, why not this guy? Yes, I'm an idiot). He once jokingly asked if I was jealous of his mother too and I pondered whether or not saying the truth was worth it.
I confessed ages ago. He told me he wasn't interested in me that way. We're still best friends and I'm slowly getting over it (yes, I still want to kiss him, but it's less intense, I guess?). Oh, and he was the first person I told about my parents. Afterwards I told the girl I'm friends with as well, and I also somehow managed to make two more friends/ friendly acquaintances. So I guess that support system is nice.
The girl I'm friends with even asked her mother to bring me food since they are convinced I'm being starved. Which, honestly? They might have a point about (before this I always had hunger pangs till lunch since breakfast was usually small. And even after lunch, sometimes it wasn't enough. I just ignored it. I might've even preferred it since I was also more self-conscious about my looks and weight).
Oh, and I also fell for some other guy (this is way more schoolboy crush stuff). Some guy who I'm pretty sure has seen all of my most embarrassing moments (running away after he asked me a question, yelling 'WHERE' after the soccer team asked me to get their ball for them despite it literally being a metre or so away -I couldn't see it- and saying some pretty stupid things).
He invited me to a party (celebration for the end of 10th grade Boards) and I saw him dancing with another guy (It was a waltz. A fucking waltz. My black, hollow husk of a heart chipped off a few ashes after seeing it). And I was emotionally immature enough to slam my glass of lemonade down on the table (I don't think anyone noticed, but if he did, I want to apologize. It was his birthday and I might've ruined it).
He also politely rejected me when I suggested keeping in touch over the break (to be fair, we barely know each other and I think he might've realized I had a crush. My reasons for keeping in touch were just platonic, though I might've hoped something more would develop).
This was easier to get over than the first guy. That was also how I discovered my type was 'Hard/Impossible to get'. I've heard Scorpios like challenges, but I never really got that (wasn't interested in academic stuff, though I can be competitive in sports) until I realized that I fell for the standard 'popular boy who is super nice but also in a drastically different social circle' and the 'asexual, aromantic guy'.
Pretty much nobody knows about either of these except maybe the people involved.
Anyway, so, all of this shit happens. Break starts and my father comes back to the country. Some more fights happen, and it turns out he wants me to do freaking IIT. Now, just to explain something: I have been doing Cambridge for over four years. I am used to things being fairly easy for me because this Board came way more easily to me.
Also, I had no interest in IIT. I was willing to do Computer Science and STEM if that's what my parents wanted (though I in truth just wanted to get an economics degree), but while I did get that IIT was a great opportunity, I just didn't want to put in the extra effort when I was already doing well in my previous Board. And the effort is a lot. Like, people who study for this from sixth can't get a good ranking. I'm starting from eleventh.
IIT is based on the state board in my country and it is way harder. The foundational math they teach these students (the stuff they learn in eighth and ninth) is more difficult than any tenth grade stuff I was doing. And the teachers are absolute- ugh! They're bunny hopping from topic to topic like (hold on, let me think of a good, hilarious example)...like rabbits on steroids and caffeine!
The classes are boring as fuck. It doesn't help that I never wanted to do this either. My lack of choice (and my parents literally said I didn't have a choice when I asked, despite me laying down all the reasons this was a bad idea) was probably the main reason I'm struggling. I hate being forced into anything.
Self-study is impossible too because the books fucking suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I've also been self-harming a lot more recently. I have scars all over the bottom of my left wrist (my parents don't particularly care. Or they just haven't noticed, which I find kind of odd seeing as I don't go about making any extra effort to cover it up. I just figured I'd tell them a cat did it or something, but they never asked. Half of the scars are from times my father was home).
The only time my Mother noticed was when they were on my neck (remember I said I was trying to be a good brother? Emphasis on trying. I'm an abusive piece of shit one day and he was screaming and I was angry and he kept hitting me and swearing at me so I just lost it. He's eight). I stormed into my room after leaving him a sobbing mess on the floor and just started hacking at my arm with a geometry compass. Remember the personality disorder thing?
I moved on to my neck, dragging three long vertical lines (the cuts were shallow, thankfully). I contemplated plunging them into my eyes (this is something I've thought about often. After all, my parents can't force me to do anything if I'm blind, right?) but decided against it. I told my mother my brother scratched me (he does this often. She cut his nails afterward, which, makes me feel even worse for hating her because I think she genuinely does care. But at the same time, she's a paranoid, mentally ill person who picks fights with people often and was partially responsible for making my childhood and even my latter teenage years miserable thanks to constant physical and verbal fights with my father).
I told my friends it was a cat. The girl seemed to believe me, but the guy (the one I had a crush on) may not have brought it as easily. I've been way more honest about my self-harming and suicidal tendencies with him (though sometimes I feel like I'm just burdening him. Which, honestly? I probably am. But it feels good to have someone validate that this situation sucks and to actually show me care. My father tries, but it feels like everything's tainted with resentment toward him. I don't want to stop hating him, partially because I don't think he deserves it and because he still hasn't stopped being a complete dick. I mean, sure, he's better than before, but that's more due to him growing old and exhausted thanks to my mother than anything else).
The guy has his own problems (he thinks he suffers from ADHD. He mentioned that he knows some relatives who have the same and has attention issues to the point where he skips important information in an actual test. Like, outright stated information that would make the answers crystal clear). He's told me that I'm not burdening him since either way he'd still be suffering the same problems (he isn't the most empathetic person in the world, but that's more due to him not really showing his empathy. He's probably been my biggest supporter through all of this. Also, I got 16 on a quiz for empathy while he got around 48, so...)
Alongside that, another thing about me: I think I might be suffering from Apathy or Anhedonia. It's hard to find genuine pleasure in some activities (it's gotten better recently. Partially due to this guy -I should give him a fake name but I'm too lazy- but it still feels like I'm just going through the motions on most days).
Back to academics?
So yeah, I wasn't really surprised when I got 30% in the final exam (I'm doing IIT Coaching over the summer break). Which was a couple of days ago. My mother pretty much dropped that out of the blue (I didn't know the results had come out) with my father on call and he just slapped his forehead and started muttering. We were having a decent conversation till then (I've been trying my best to avoid him and his calls, but the few ones we've had recently have been fine. Not affectionate, at least not on my side. But calm. Maybe cold).
So yeah. I just, I think I might've kind of just dissociated there. Cut the call, blocked his number (my mother does this often with him too. Like, just cut the call regardless of whatever he's saying. She pretty much just despises him and his family), and then just ran to my room. I've been trying my best to avoid speaking to him too.
Which brings us to today. He called me again, asked me why I was avoiding him (I hate him. Also, some of these conversations genuinely mess with my head and I'd rather not have more negative thoughts about myself than I already do), reminded me that there are people on the streets who make it to the top, asked me if I was gonna be able to do IIT or not (this was where I was an idiot. I just shouted 'I told you I wasn't going to be able to do IIT!". And I did. I made it clear plenty of times. I don't want to work hard. At least, not to the level he wants me to work hard. And I struggle with motivation most of the time too. I don't know if it's a side-effect of my own crappy mental health or just laziness.)
He asked me why I wasn't more ambitious. I'm not. I'm really not. Sure, I have delusions of grandeur and talk a big game to my friends. But they and I all know it's just talk. My dreams are largely just domestic. A husband, two kids, stuff like that (sometimes I fantasize about being pregnant). Would I like a ton of money? Sure. But ultimately, what I want is a choice which he took from me.
I wish I was more ambitious. But half the time I just feel empty and bored. I only really come alive when I'm with my friends. Or when I'm singing, or reading. Otherwise, everything just feels like going through the motions.
He told me that he was a railway conductor's son who became an engineer and I'm an engineer's son who became nothing. I'm dragging his name through the mud, all that.
So yeah. He cut the call afterwards. I broke down crying in front of my mother telling her that I wasn't ambitious and that I just wanted to study and leave (I don't think I communicated myself clearly here. What I ultimately want is to study what I want to study and leave. Preferably with my father's financial support because there's no way I can get a scholarship, but I'd be willing to do without if I really, really had to).
I don't know why I got so emotional. I feel idiotic. I really don't want to face my mother. She tried to console me, but I don't think she even understood why I was upset. Just told me that her parents used to say far worse.
So yeah. This is a full ramble on everything that's happened in my life in the last few years. Everything I wish people knew about me so instead of just seeing me as an idiot (which I am), they'd just, I don't know, acknowledge that something happened to fuck me up like this. A combination of genetics (I don't know whether or not whatever my mother has is genetic, but I think so. Personally, I tend to phrase it as 'madness runs in my blood' because it sounds cooler and I'm a diehard House Targaryen fan, but the base idea is the same, I guess) and crappy circumstance.
And before anyone says this: I'm aware that I have it better than most people here. I get away with words and insults that most people wouldn't (though in my mother's case, that's largely because she just doesn't care much). This isn't a grief pageant, as your rules so plainly put it.
Am I doing this for attention? A part of me thinks so. But I just wanted to get this out.
Sorry if it's hard to read.
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