I've put together a write up on CBOX below, let me know what you guys think!
~Thesis Summary~
CBOX is an owner-operator, positive cash flowing business with a significant growth run way that could see it double its revenues within the next 4 to 5 years. Recent events (website security breaches, accounting irregularities and a high inflationary environment) have led to a depressed stock price, however, the company has proactively rectified these issues, maintained a healthy balance sheet, and continued to execute its growth plan. At time of writing the share price is £1.70, in my opinion, a conservative valuation estimates the fair price to be between £3.31 to £3.91 provides a 64% to 79% margin of safety.

~Company Overview~
CBOX is a franchisor of small unit stores that sell egg free celebration cakes. It was founded in 2008 by Sukh Chamdel in London before franchising its first store in 2009. CBOX caters to a core niche market of people with religious dietary requirements (such as Hindus and Sikhs) which prohibits the consumption of eggs. However, their quality of cakes also appeal to the wider population too. At IPO in 2018 CBOX had 100 stores and have now grown to over 215 as of 2023. The management have set a target of reaching 400 stores across the UK (no specific timeframe has been provided), therefore, there is a significant opportunity for further growth.

~Business Model~
From small store units that are often based outside of city centres, CBOX provide customers with eggless fresh cream cakes. Customers can purchase in store, online or have the cakes delivered to their home. The cakes are reasonably priced and offer a personalised message as part of the purchase price. I do not claim to be a cake connoisseur, however, after trying their cakes myself, they tasted fresh, light, and those in my company also thoroughly enjoyed them. The process of purchasing in store with a personalised message was also extremely quick and simple.

There are three revenue streams – the initial franchisee setup fee (approximately £160k per store), margins on products which are purchased through the CBOX website and their largest source which is the franchisee’s purchasing of raw product.

Supplies (sponges, fresh cream, etc) are delivered to the franchisees across the UK via three warehouse and distribution centres based in London, Coventry, and Bradford. Each individual store is deemed ‘mature’ after operating for 12 months or longer. On average each store makes £6700 per week (£350k yearly turnover) and takes approximately 18 to 24 months for the franchisee to pay off their initial franchise fee. Management talks of a 70/30 split between franchisee and franchisor and emphasises the point of caring for their franchisees. Culminating all revenue streams, historically around 46% of revenue from franchisees made its way through to CBOX.

The barriers to entry into the cake industry are low and it is a highly competitive market. Competitors include small independent stores, large supermarkets, internet-based bakeries, cafes, and a CBOX imitator named Eggless Cake Shop. In my opinion, there is no lollapalooza moat demonstrated by CBOX, however, there are several smaller advantages that they execute well. They differentiate themselves with a niche offering of eggfree cakes and offer customers a personalised message. This sets them apart from the likes of the supermarkets who do not offer the personalisation nor eggfree selection. There are also several tailwinds in the sector that could assist CBOX. In the UK the Asian population has seen the greatest rise out of any minority group in the last decade (a 27% increase according to the 2021 census) which is continuing to grow. In addition, over the last decade there has been a shift towards plant-based diets. Although egg free cakes are not vegan (due to the fresh cream and butter), they may provide an alternative to those that have allergies or are more conscious of their consumption of animal products. CBOX has also recently brought out a vegan selection which is another growing market they be able to capitalise on. According to the European Good Food Institute, the plant based market is a £1 billion market and growing rapidly. Time will tell if they are successful here.

~Financial Health~
The business is asset light, carries a low amount of debt of £10 mil (which could easily be offset with their £7 mil of cash or paid off within three years using their free cash flow (not including dividends)) and have been cash flow positive since IPO. Revenues (from 2017 to 2023) have grown at a compounded annual growth rate of 30% with owners’ earnings during the same period compounding at 25%. ROE and ROIC have remained steadily above 20% since IPO which suggests that management is deploying capital effectively. The company has also demonstrated its durability as it grew during the great recession, the COVID-19 pandemic and most recently during the high interest rate environment.

~Management~
The CEO and co-founder Sukh Chamdel has significant skin in the game and owns 25.41% of the company. As demonstrated in the ROE and ROIC above, to date, Mr Chamdel has allocated capital well. Both ROE and ROIC dipped in 2023 which was attributed to inflationary pressures, labour shortages and the Ukraine war which seem like plausible reasons. He has also grown the company’s book value from 0.06 (per share) in 2017 to 0.44 in 2023. In 2021 Mr Chamdel sold shares at the peak of the market to diversify his wealth. Since IPO no additional shares have been issued and Mr Chamdel has commented that he has no intentions of raising equity which could dilute current shareholders.

Since 2019 the company has paid a dividend to investors. Last year (2023) £3 million was paid out in dividends which was 75% of owners’ earnings. This is a significant dividend and in some ways is positive that they are repaying shareholders. However, in my opinion, I would prefer to see this capital deployed in areas, such as, marketing (to increase brand awareness which is still limited within the UK), and potentially share repurchases (this may become more attractive as the company matures). In FY23 CBOX spent £308k on advertising which they have not done previously. This suggests that management is beginning to explore this option.

In 2021 financial irregularities were identified within the annual report. It is important to note that this did not result in criminal proceedings. The company responded by replacing the CFO (who was the co-founder) and employed other experienced individuals, such as, Michael Botha who held senior roles with Dominos. In my opinion, this was a good appointment as he is a qualified accountant (the previous CFO was not) which may help to reduce further irregularities and arrives with experience from a successful franchise business. This incident was a concern and should not be dismissed, however, it appears to be the result of a young growing company adapting to the public market as opposed to something more sinister. However, this should continue to be monitored.

~Risks~
As mentioned previously the baking/cake industry is highly competitive which could impact on CBOX’s market share and ability to grow. This could come in the form of a supermarket providing an eggless range. At present there is no evidence of this (although supermarkets have been expanding their “free from” ranges). If this was to occur, CBOX could still differentiate themselves with the personalisation element. It is noted that Waitrose (a large higher end UK supermarket) does offer personalised messages to their cakes, however, from their website they require eight days’ notice for this service, CBOX can do this in store or on the same day. CBOX’s size and ‘nimbleness’ to change and adapt may also be an advantage here against larger supermarkets. There are other examples in the baked food industries where smaller stores (by square ft of floor space), such as Greggs, have lived side by side with supermarkets which offer similar products (pastries and other baked goods) which suggests CBOX could do the same.

An emerging competitor could also enter the market and steal market share from CBOX. At present CBOX is the dominant player nationally in the egg free cake market, they are executing well, providing customers with value and continuing to grow their store count. In my opinion, it would be challenging for a startup to compete with CBOX directly due to their size, infrastructure, and relationship with vendors. The closest example to this at present is Eggless Cake Shop who according to their website have 26 stores which are largely based in the Midlands. CBOX have over 200 stores and so arguably could use their size to negotiate favourable terms with suppliers. Although smaller competitors are a threat and should be monitored, it is also encouraging that there are imitators which is further evidence of the market growing and CBOX’s successful and attractive business model. In my opinion a greater threat to CBOX would be a larger competitor, such as, a supermarket or Gregg’s with greater resources moving into eggless cakes.

If CBOX suffered further accounting inconsistencies this would be a concern and suggest there may be something more sinister at work or that they had failed to fully rectify the previous issues which would indicate incompetence at management level. As mentioned previously, it appears that management have been proactive in resolving these difficulties and there has been no further evidence of this since.

Utilising the franchise business model has advantages such as minimal capital requirements for further growth, however, a drawback is that they have less control over their franchisees. This can lead to poor quality franchisees damaging the reputation of the company if they perform badly. To date there is limited evidence of this, however, as the store count grows management will need to be proactive with quality control and maintaining ties with franchisees. From review of Mr Chamdel’s presentations and interviews, he consistently talks about developing the franchisor – franchisee relationships and references issues that Dominos had when they failed to maintain ties. This gives me confidence that management has insight into the importance of this. Nonetheless it remains a risk that needs to be managed in the future.

~Future Outlook~
As mentioned previously, CBOX currently have 205 stores and are targeting a total of 400 across the UK. This suggests that the company still has a significant run way for growth domestically, particularly, across northern England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland (some of these territories have very little (if any) penetration; see table 2 below for details). Management have not indicated an approximate timeline to reach their 400-store target and refer to it as a “longer term target”. Over the last 5 years the company on average has opened 24 stores per year (the CEO has a bonus incentive to open at least 24 per year). If the company were to continue opening 24 stores per year, they would reach their 400-store target in around 8 years. It is acknowledged that as the company matures, and the market begins to saturate that the store growth count may slow.

In addition to the growth in store count, CBOX have made investments in other areas of the business that could add value. Over the lockdown period in the UK they invested heavily in their website which has saw an increase in online sales. Online sales which grew 4.1% in FY23 (to £13.8 million, which previously grew 41% due to COVID restrictions) have continued to grow and will help to optimise the stores. Management have also experimented with selling their produce through kiosks within supermarkets (currently 18 as of 2023). As the kiosks are a new concept, they have not detailed how profitable they have been.
The vegan market and international expansion are also other avenues for growth. Mr Chamdel expressed that he is focusing on the UK market (which in my opinion is sensible) and nowhere in the annual reports is international expansion mentioned. However, during an interview for a podcast Mr Chamdel noted that New York and Toronto would be appealing destinations due to the high population of Sikhs. This appears to be a longer-term growth plan following the saturation of the UK market.

~Valuation~
Below I provide two means of company valuation. Firstly using a DCF: in FY23 CBOX reported operating income of £5.8 mil (which was significantly lower than the previous year due to higher interest rates and inflationary pressures). In my opinion this is likely to improve as revenues continue to grow, and these pressures alleviate. CAPEX is generally between £1 to £2 mil, erring on the side of caution this leaves us with £3.8 mil of free cash flow. The table below (table 3) displays the cash flow projections over the next 5 years discounted back at a 15% required rate of return and a 2.5% terminal value. Since IPO, free cash flow has grown on average at 24% compared to 15% over the previous 3 years, EPS on the other hand has grown at 20% and 11% respectively. Therefore a conservative growth rate of between 10% and 15% seems reasonable. With these assumptions (and after subtracting total net debt of 2.8 mil) CBOX’s fair value is estimated to be between £9.72 and £11.85. There are a number of assumptions to make with DCFs which can significantly impact on the outcomes, therefore, my preference is for the valuation method below.
An alternative and more simplistic means of valuation is to look at the numbers after they achieve their goal of 400 mature stores (a similar valuation is presented here). Four hundred mature stores would produce around £66 mil in revenue for CBOX which is just under double what they reported in FY23. If we assume that in this final phase CBOX returns to their average of 18% net margin we can expect a profit of £11.8 mil. This translates to an earnings per share of £0.3. For a company with limited growth prospects, in my opinion, a reasonable multiple to pay would be between 8 to 10 times earnings which works out at £2.4 to £3 per share. Adding back what they do not pay out as dividends over the next 5 years which is estimated at 0.91 per share which results in a price range of £3.31 to £3.91 per share. At the current stocks price (£1.70) this provides roughly a 64% to 79% margin of safety. It is also important to note the 5% dividend yield that CBOX is also paying.

Another useful CBOX write-up can be found on Value Investors Club here.

Instead of viewing gangstalking solely through the lens of "evil people doing random bad stuff because they're evil," it's crucial to consider the standardized contractual nature of it.
Here's a breakdown of what I've learned:
Contractual Basis: Targets often end up on a list for various reasons, such as speaking out against companies or organizations like Freemasonry. Once on the list, a private local security contract is initiated. This contract is between an alphabet agency and an undisclosed private company bound by a non-disclosure agreement (NDA). The private security company then hires individuals, often referred to as gangstalkers, to carry out the terms of the contract.
Contractual Terms: These contracts follow a standard template. They involve daily small payouts for basic actions like crossing paths with the target, as well as major payouts for more significant events, including incarceration, involuntary commitment to mental health treatment, and even the suicide of the target.
Limitations on Perpetrator Behavior: Perpetrators are bound by specific rules outlined in the contract. For example, they may not be photographed well more than three times within a certain period, and they must not directly insult the target or commit visible crimes such as trespassing or assault. They operate as classic NPCs, limited in their actions and movements.
Localized Operations: Stalking contracts are typically very local, with a specific crew assigned to each case. If the target moves, they'll likely encounter a new set of stalkers.
Legal Strategies: To disrupt major payouts, targets must be well-versed in local laws. For instance, in Georgia, involuntary commitment can occur through various avenues, (1) including affidavits from strangers claiming you acted strange within 48 hours, (2) police intervention after a small misdemeanor is committed, where the police recommend psychiatric evaluation , or (3) recommendations from social workers. However, targets can protect themselves by understanding their rights and avoiding confrontations that could lead to legal complications. For instance, in Georgia, if you simply don't answer your door and leave your jurisdiction for 48 hours after a confrontation with a stalker, chances are they can't put you away even if they try! Moreover, if a target drafts a Psychiatrict Advanced Directive, they likely can prevent a judge from involuntarily committing them to a horrible mental hospital due to exaggerated medical sensitivities.
Other Strategies:
To disrupt minor payouts, targets can employ various strategies. They can either ignore the stalking altogether, making it difficult for perps to prove their actions, or aggressively document every encounter.
Targets must grasp how perpetrators demonstrate their consistent stalking of a target to secure a payout under their contract. If perpetrators are required to cross the target's path daily, they must provide evidence. This evidence typically takes the form of "money shots" captured by hidden cameras at designated "static surveillance sites." In these shots, the target must visibly acknowledge being stalked by a perpetrator. Essentially, if there's no picture, the event didn't happen – akin to the proverbial tree falling in an empty forest.
To counter this, targets can employ strategic ignorance. By simply ignoring the stalking, they prevent perpetrators from obtaining the necessary evidence. Over time, as targets fail to recognize the stalking, the contract loses its effectiveness.
Another tactic involves aggressive documentation by the target. Stalking contracts prohibit perpetrators from repeatedly being photographed while continuing their surveillance. The quality of the target’s pictures is crucial for validity. A blurry photo doesn’t count! Perpetrators employ various strategies to evade effective photography, such as positioning themselves opposite the target's car dash mount, leaping out from bushes at the last moment, hiding their faces when in direct view of the camera, or utilizing lookalikes to confuse identification.
To combat these tactics, targets can utilize advanced techniques. Using a handheld iPhone for video documentation, altering the method of holding the phone, or swiftly lowering the camera when perpetrators attempt to photograph can be effective. Continuous video recording while driving can capture perpetrators hiding and attempting to ambush at stop signs. By maintaining vigilance and adapting filming methods, targets can successfully counteract perpetrator tactics and protect themselves from unwarranted surveillance.
Ultimately, reframing gangstalking as a contractual operation rather than random acts of evil allows targets to adopt proactive strategies to protect themselves. By understanding the rules of engagement, targets can navigate the situation more effectively and potentially thwart the intentions of those behind the operation.
Let's keep the discussion going and share any additional insights or experiences you may have. Knowledge is power in combating these tactics

Just some fun with applying static perfect hashing - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfect_hash_function and reflection with run-time performance in mind.

• Static reflection - https://wg21.link/P2996
• Static perfect hashing library - https://github.com/boost-ext/mph

Example

enum class fib { F0 = 0, F1 = 1, F2 = 1, F3 = 2, F4 = 3, F5 = 5, F6 = 8, F7 = 13, F8 = 21, F9 = 34, F10 = 55, F11 = 89, F12 = 144, F13 = 233, F14 = 377, F15 = 610, F16 = 987, }; 

enum_to_string

template requires std::is_enum_v inline constexpr auto enumerators = [](std::index_sequence) { return std::array{ std::pair{ [:std::meta::enumerators_of(^E)[Ns]:], std::meta::name_of(std::meta::enumerators_of(^E)[Ns]).data() // null terminated }... }; }(std::make_index_sequence{}); template requires std::is_enum_v [[nodiscard]] constexpr auto enum_to_string(const E value) { return mph::lookup>(value); } template requires std::is_scoped_enum_v [[nodiscard]] constexpr auto unsafe$enum_to_string(const E value) { return mph::lookup>.template operator()(value); } 

enum_to_string(fib): movl %edi, %ecx andl $1023, %ecx shll $4, %ecx leaq mph::v3_0_0::lookup, 1u, 0u>(%rip), %rdx xorl %eax, %eax cmpl %edi, (%rcx,%rdx) cmoveq 8(%rcx,%rdx), %rax retq unsafe$enum_to_string(fib): andl $1023, %edi shll $4, %edi leaq mph::v3_0_0::lookup, 1u, 0u>(%rip), %rax movq 8(%rdi,%rax), %rax retq mph::v3_0_0::lookup, 1u, 0u>: ... (size = 2^popcount(mask)) 

Full example: https://godbolt.org/z/oxdY7K8nd

string_to_enum

template requires std::is_enum_v inline constexpr auto enumerators = [](std::index_sequence) { return std::array{ std::pair{ std::meta::name_of(std::meta::enumerators_of(^E)[Ns]), [:std::meta::enumerators_of(^E)[Ns]:], }... }; }(std::make_index_sequence{}); template requires std::is_enum_v [[nodiscard]] constexpr auto string_to_enum(std::string_view str) { return mph::lookup>(str); } template requires std::is_scoped_enum_v [[nodiscard]] constexpr auto unsafe$string_to_enum(std::string_view str) { return mph::lookup>.template operator()(str); } 

string_to_enum(std::string_view): shll $3, %esi bzhil %esi, (%rdi), %ecx movl $1511168, %eax pextl %eax, %ecx, %edx leaq mph::v3_0_0::lookup, 1u, 0u>(%rip), %rsi xorl %eax, %eax cmpl (%rsi,%rdx,8), %ecx cmovel 4(%rsi,%rdx,8), %eax retq unsafe$string_to_enum(std::string_view): shll $3, %esi bzhil %esi, (%rdi), %eax # using SWAR - might be unsafe without MPH_PAGE_SIZE movl $1511168, %ecx pextl %ecx, %eax, %eax leaq mph::v3_0_0::lookup, 1u, 0u>(%rip), %rcx movl 4(%rcx,%rax,8), %eax retq mph::v3_0_0::lookup, 1u, 0u>: ... (size = 2^popcount(mask)) 

Full example: https://godbolt.org/z/4KcxEW9qP

Notes

• unsafe$... - assumes only valid inputs - meaning that given input can be found in the predefined set - therefore unsafe as it may cause a collision.
• examples are compiled with -mbmi2 enabled - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X86_Bit_manipulation_instruction_set (for pext/bzhi) but mph works without them too, actually clang sometimes switch from pext to and/shl when finds it beneficial (gcc keeps pext always on x864), similar on arm64

Alternatives

• SIMD (if available) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_instruction,_multiple_data (SWAR plus N comparisons at once)
• https://www.gnu.org/software/gperf (only string to enum)
• https://github.com/serge-sans-paille/frozen
• https://cmph.sourceforge.net/ (and other hashing solutions - see Acknowledgements/Similar Projects in https://github.com/boost-ext/mph for more)
• ...

Updates - https://x.com/krisjusiak/status/1795433288271552557, https://x.com/krisjusiak/status/1795430660049617219

My evaluation is up next week - I only need one more item to stay in Gold, but at this point it all seems pointless, moot. I can't keep sending stuff to my sister in law's small apartment in London in the hope that she can bring stuff over in her suitcase. This means that, on the off chance something good or large appears in my RFY, I have to let it go, hitting refresh sadly until it vanishes forever. In my frustration, as a last resort, I turned to man's greatest enemy - the machines. If humanity can't help me - who else can?
I first asked GPT if it was aware of Vine and if Vine was available in the UK. Of course it was, and naturally responded in the affirmative in both cases. I then asked if Vine was available in Northern Ireland, to which it responded:
'Yes, Amazon Vine is available in Northern Ireland. Since Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom, the Amazon Vine program extends to this region. Vine Voices in Northern Ireland can participate in the program under the same terms and conditions as those in the rest of the UK'
All very clear so far. I then informed it of the fact that Amazon is actively blocking Vine deliveries to NI, to which is offered some sage wisdom (which some of us have already surmised):
'It appears that Amazon Vine members in Northern Ireland are currently experiencing issues with the delivery of Vine items. This situation may be due to logistical challenges, regulatory changes, or other operational issues that affect shipping to Northern Ireland. Here are some potential reasons for the situation:

1. Brexit and Trade Regulations: Since Brexit, there have been changes in trade regulations and customs procedures between Great Britain and Northern Ireland. This has led to complications in shipping certain items.
2. Logistical Challenges: Shipping to Northern Ireland might face specific logistical hurdles that impact the delivery of certain products, including those from the Vine program.
3. Vendor Restrictions: Some vendors participating in the Vine program may have restrictions on shipping their products to Northern Ireland due to various reasons, including additional costs or regulatory requirements.

As expected, although Amazon have yet to state these are the reasons, or even acknowledge it is happening. I was advised to contact Amazon Customer Support, but when I explained that I had done this several times, with zero response, they encouraged me to take things up a notch:

Escalate the Issue

• Email Amazon Executive Customer Relations: You can escalate your issue by emailing Amazon's executive customer relations team. The email address for this team in the UK is often [jeff@amazon.co.uk]() (this is directed to a team that handles escalated customer service issues).
• Include Detailed Information: In your email, provide detailed information about your problem, including dates and times of your previous contacts with support, your Vine membership details, and specific examples of items that couldn't be delivered.

2. Use Social Media

• Tweet about your issue and tag u/AmazonUK and u/AmazonHelp. Public posts on social media can sometimes prompt a quicker response.
• Facebook: Post on Amazon UK's official Facebook page or send a direct message explaining your situation.

3. Amazon Forums and Community

• Amazon Vine Community: If there is an internal forum or community for Vine members, post about your issue there. Other members or moderators may have insights or solutions.
• Amazon Customer Discussions: Post in Amazon's customer discussion forums where other users or Amazon staff might provide assistance.

4. Alternative Contact Methods

• Amazon Live Chat: Use the live chat feature on the Amazon website for immediate interaction with a support agent. Sometimes live chat agents can provide faster responses.
• Phone Support: Request a callback through the Amazon Help section if the chat option isn't resolving the issue.

5. Consumer Rights Organizations

• Contact Consumer Rights Organizations: If you believe your issue relates to consumer rights, you could contact organizations such as Citizens Advice in the UK, which can provide guidance and potentially intervene on your behalf.

6. Persistence

• Follow Up: If you do not receive a response within a reasonable timeframe after escalating, follow up persistently. Keep records of all communications.

I had considered using Jeff@Amazon before, but to be honest I didn't realize it was an entire customer support team. I know some people who have been booted from Vine have used that to be re-instated. I tweeted at them recently - but no reply. Amazon Forums? That's you guys. Live chat and phone support - I don't think anyone will help or be familiar with Vine. Citizens Advice? I'd feel like I'm moaning too much about no longer getting my free stuff. Persistence? This has been ongoing on and off for about two years now, with Amazon squeezing the process and blocking workarounds, while at the the same time inviting more and more new members, allowing one word/one sentence copy paste reviews, and letting bots run free. What has been an excellent service for over a decade, and a bright light for many people, is increasingly in tatters.
Finally, they offered a template email to use - I know a similar one has been posted in another NI related Vine post. I've used that one, I've used my own, I've opened bugs against the feedback utility - but nothing has worked yet. So I'll try the Jeff route now. Here's the template:
Subject: Urgent: Amazon Vine Delivery Issues in Northern Ireland
Dear Amazon Executive Customer Relations Team,
I am writing to escalate an ongoing issue regarding the Amazon Vine program in Northern Ireland. Despite multiple attempts to resolve this through standard customer support channels, I have not received any response.
As an Amazon Vine member based in Northern Ireland, I am currently unable to receive any Vine items. This issue has persisted for [duration], and it is significantly affecting my ability to fulfill my responsibilities as a Vine reviewer.
Details: - Vine Member since: [Date] - Items affected: [List of items or general statement] - Previous support contacts: [List dates/times or case numbers]
I understand that there may be logistical or regulatory challenges involved, but I am seeking clarity and a potential resolution to this issue. Your assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your attention to this urgent matter. I look forward to your prompt response.
Best regards, [Your Full Name] [Your Amazon Account Email] [Your Phone Number]
Apologies for the long post, and feel free to ignore everyone who has the luxury of living in England, Scotland, Wales. And to anyone who voted for Brexit - [REDACTED].

Hi all, I'm currently conducting a literature review for my work. I have done several before, one being part of my minor thesis, however, I still feel a little confused about some of the explicit 'rules' when conducting the search part.
My current dilemna is, using the following terms for example sake, I am searching for the term 'success' in the categories/topics specifically relating to "business" and "management ". Which is yielding me 200 results. Can I go through a pick the papers from here that are relevant, or is it better form to now search for "success" and "improve", which yields 75 results, and then go through and pick them out, because 75 is still too many for the scope of my work I think. SO finally, would it be the most appropriate to search for "success", "improve" and "plan", which yields 30, giving me a reasonable amount of papers to review. This also means that for future reference, my approach will be more repeatable.
If anyone also has any good resources or excel templates on how they review their literature, I would love to see. I'm currently using a spreadsheet I;ve made that has colums for: Author, Year, Article Type, Study Design, Aim, Findiings, Comments/Quality Appraisals/limitations.
I feel like it would be a good idea to add a column to highlight what themes the article mentions.
Tl:DR: Should my literature output search strategy result in the exact number of papers that I will be reviewing (i.e. 30 papers for example)?

Hi I’m an Australian living on Aboriginal land.
I was taught that the best way to acknowledge country was to avoid the online templates and make it extremely personal. To thank the traditional elders for the surrounding landmarks that I appreciate most - the beaches in the surrounding suburb, etc. If the event was held near a known body of water - to thank the elders for protecting it.
Is this way off?

DISCLAIMER: I have not been active in the community since 2021 but if my flair is any proof, I was here from the start when we fled from the other sub. I'm just a XX holder, but a holder nonetheless.

So us American apes have been entertained by Parsnip making our daily German Market update, and particularly so today while Wall Street is closed for Memorial Day.
As we saw on Friday, the market reaction after hours on Friday was very bullish (seemingly just on fundamentals that GameStop now has $2B cash on hand, since AH should be unaffected by expiries, options, etc.) And that made for some great momentum. BUT that came right before a three-day weekend that has us all impatiently waiting for Tuesday's opening bell.
Well, we might have a clue of what's going to happen when we wake up tomorrow. I've started looking at what happened two weeks ago when GME had a little sneeze opening at $64.83 (pre-split $280 equivalent.).

On May 13 before their $26.34 open, the Germans traded at $20.92 on 189k volume in two hours leading into pre-market. Wall Street closed at $30.45 on 187M volume that Monday.
On May 14 before their $38.46 open, the Germans traded at $40.94 on 363k volume in two hours leading into pre-market. Wall Street closed at $48.75 on 207M volume that Tuesday.
Today, Germans had 322k volume within two hours. Looking at the closing price won't be as comparable to the other days since the trade is unaffected by Wall Street today. But the price movement is much more drastic than the last run-up (I'd assume it's because of fundamentals in the business after the cash that was raised).
8 hours into the trade today, the German market went up to $25.91. From the open at $21.21, that's +22%.
On May 13, the U.S. market opened at $26.34 for a +25% change from the German open.
On May 14, the U.S. market opened at $64.83 for a +58% change from the German open.

What do I take away from that?
Volume - The 322k volume is a bit lighter than the 363k on May 14, but it's the highest mark since then. With the AH news about the ATM sale, I think we'll see a big surge in volume on Tuesday of at least 150 million.
Price Action - I'm not going to stake my name to any price. Just up. Or down. Or sideways. Who knows what fuckery will happen. But if you believe that the short thesis is murdered and that Wall Street has to acknowledge the company's potential with such cash on hand (like the Germans apparently have) there's every reason to believe a fuse has been lit.
Does that mean I'm calling for MOASS to start tomorrow? No. But I think we'll see some positive movement.
May 13 saw the German market perk up 7% within two hours leading into pre-market up 26% into the U.S. open. May 14 saw the German market perk up 6% within two hours leading into pre-market up 58% into the U.S. open.
Now, it's important to note that the May 14 close sat at $48.75 (a 25% decrease from the opening bell) so it's not as if momentum is constant.
We still have another couple of hours left in the May 28 German market that can carry some more momentum. I see no reason why that won't carry any further momentum around 5% like the two dates I just mentioned.
So I think we'll start Tuesday's pre-market around $27.50 considering its current price.
We don't have a lot of data points to look at further price action, so the 16% and 58% changes that I previously mentioned are all I have at the moment, and those were not influenced by fundamentals like I assume we're seeing right now. Those jumps seemed entirely different since there was NO NEWS.
That said, I wouldn't be surprised to see a minimum jump of 20% at tomorrow's open (around $33.) But if you want to get crazy and assume a jump closer to May 14's spike, I don't think that's too crazy (around $42.).
Closing Thoughts
The one thing I was really hoping to do here, is look at the market leading into that January 2021 sneeze. What was the German market doing that day? But I don't have any data on what was happening before that. January 25, 2021 had insane numbers (using post-split numbers): Open (Monday): $24.18 High: $120.75 Low: $15.28 Close: $81.25 Volume: 2.24 billion
Jan 22 (Friday): GME closed at $16.25.
So with Friday AH + Monday's German/pre-market action, the price swung 48% at the Open. And then that insane volume carried it to surge another 500% at the peak before the immense fuckery happened.
Where does that leave us? These breadcrumbs are certainly intriguing, if not hopeful. I think we're still waiting for a true catalyst like a merger or acquisition in order for MOASS to happen.
But it certainly appears Shorts are in for some trouble this week. I think we should see another flood of volume. If America takes Germany's lead, that will be at least 200 million on Tuesday.
I'd love to know what Germany's volume was on Jan 25 that led to over 2.2 billion in volume on the Street, but since it was it was trading at over 1 billion daily since Jan 1, I think it's safe to assume Germany's volume also dwarfs what we're seeing right now.
If you go by volume alone, a week in the 200 million territory would put us between Nov-Dec 2020.
So I think a fuse needs to be lit to get that back up. Did that happen on Friday? I'm certainly not bold enough to say that's the case. But I also wouldn't be surprised.

Hey everyone. This week's 343 Plz thread has arrived.

343 Plz List

Feedback Item	Date Added	Game
Improve theater functionality	January 25, 2023	Halo Infinite
Add matchmaking rejoin	January 3, 2023	Halo Infinite
Add an option to limit menu FPS	October 10, 2022	Halo Infinite
Finish the work on Campaign split-screen support and introduce it	September 5th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Fix or remove overactive text chat censorship	July 11th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Prioritise and fix desync	June 27th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Rework or remove rarity on items	June 27th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Add Multi-Team	June 5th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Allow all items in the in-game store to be purchased at all times	June 5th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Add Assassinations	May 28th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Introduce the Match Composer, similar to MCC	May 28th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Bring back old emblems and allow for better customisation over them.	May 28th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Revert changes to slide momentum jumps made in Season 2	May 15th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Introduce more social features and support	May 10th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Enable player collision for friendlies	May 9th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Bring back pre- and post-game lobbies	May 3rd, 2022	Halo Infinite
Add remaining Halo Online maps to Halo 3 in MCC	May 3rd, 2022	Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Introduce more body type options, including more "feminine" options similar to previous games	May 3rd, 2022	Halo Infinite
Enable color on armor attachments outside of certain kits	May 2nd, 2022	Halo Infinite
Allow for more control over color customization	May 2nd, 2022	Halo Infinite
Improve/Address aiming and aim assist issues on Xbox and PC	May 2nd, 2022	Halo Infinite

343 Plz List Implemented/Changed

Feedback Item	Date Added	Date Changed	Game
Add Mark IV armor for MP	October 23, 2023	Operation: Spirit of Fire	Halo Infinite
Implement Cross-Core Customization	May 2nd, 2022	Operation: Spirit of Fire	Halo Infinite
Improve custom games stability and drastically increase the custom game options available	May 16th, 2022	December 5th, 2023	Halo Infinite
Bundle duplicate/repeating items (e.g. shoulders) in passes	November 7th, 2022	Season 5	Halo Infinite
Add a Mark VI Gen 3 (Chief's armor in the campaign) core or set for MP	May 19th, 2022	Season 5	Halo Infinite
Add Firefight or a PvE mode	May 9th, 2022	Season 5	Halo Infinite
Redesign the User Interface	May 9th, 2022	Season 5	Halo Infinite
Make Squad Battle a permanent playlist	July 17, 2023	August 9, 2023	Halo Infinite
Fix asymmetrical vehicle spawns in Big Team Battle	January 3, 2023	August 9, 2023	Halo Infinite
Add the 'Infection' game mode	June 13th, 2022	June 20, 2023	Halo Infinite
Separate Event Challenges into their own deck	May 15th, 2022	March 21, 2023	Halo Infinite
Add an option to disable enemy shield outlines	February 20, 2023	Season 3	Halo Infinite
Reduce kill effects or let players adjust/toggle them	July 11th, 2022	December 6, 2022	Halo Infinite
Improve the KBM experience by addressing balance issues and pursuing other QOL refinements	May 10th, 2022	December 6, 2022	Halo Infinite
Enable 'red reticle' on the PC version	May 3rd, 2022	December 6, 2022	Halo Infinite
Rebalance the VK78 Commando	May 2nd, 2022	Winter Update	Halo Infinite
Rework or replace the Challenge system	May 7th, 2022	Winter Update	Halo Infinite
Team Slayer" challenges should be able to progressed in all Team Slayer modes, not just the Team Slayer playlist	May 2nd, 2022	Winter Update	Halo Infinite
Implement ray tracing	November 1st, 2022	Season 3	Halo Infinite
Accommodate lower population regions better	July 18th, 2022	Winter Update	Halo Infinite
Add Region/Server selection, similar to MCC's implementation	May 7th, 2022	Winter Update	Halo Infinite
Rework MMR / Global Rating	May 23rd, 2022	Winter Update	Halo Infinite
Keep MCC free of microtransactions	July 18, 2022	September 14th, 2022	Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Allow us to access the unreleased Halo: Reach armor from Season 1	May 28th, 2022	December 2022	Halo Infinite
Reduce effect of or remove scope glint entirely	May 3rd, 2022	August 25, 2022	Halo Infinite
Add more loading screen images	May 4th, 2022	June 14th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Fix different UI elements stuck in indefinite or very long loading wheels	May 2nd, 2022	June 14th, 2022	Halo Infinite
Improve Scorpion Tank Controls	May 2nd, 2022	June 14th, 2022	Halo Infinite

• Most recently added items are in bold
• You can find the full list along with thread examples for these topics and if/how 343 has acknowledged them on the 343 Plz wiki page

A reminder on how 343 Plz works:

• 343 Plz is a comprehensive list of wildly popular suggestions/feedback relating to Halo games. This will be a list that is generated by the community and will be visible to everyone. Users can submit a request to include an item on 343 Plz and, provided it meets the criteria, it will be added the following week alongside the weekly thread.
• The 343 Plz list will be on both our wiki as well as the weekly sticky thread. The sticky thread will provide a prominent place on halo to routinely list and discuss these items, as well as suggest new ones.
• Once a topic has been added to 343 Plz, it will be 'retired' from the subreddit until there is either significant news relating to the topic, or if the actual topic is added/changed to the game.

You can find the 343 Plz wiki page here: https://www.reddit.com/halo/wiki/343plz
You can also check out the 343 Plz announcement thread here: https://www.reddit.com/halo/comments/ud70v9/introducing_343_plz_a_list_made_from_your_feedback/

How do I submit to 343 Plz?

• Find at least three threads submitted on Halo over the past few months with 300+ upvotes; threads/comments from other communities will not be considered
• Submit your idea and the required threads either in this sticky or via this Mod Mail template
• If your idea does not have the required threads, it won't be added; instead, you are encouraged to make a standalone post about your topic

What is the point of this weekly thread?

The point of this weekly thread is to organize and sticky popular community feedback for 343, allow discussion of these 'retired' items, and suggest new ideas for 343 Plz.

Hello! Haha offmychest lang kasi nakakairita talaga hahaha.
(For context: a. Our evaluations include a calibration process. Parang thesis defense yung pag promote mo. So you’ll present your promotee to the leaders within your Team, then within yout business group, then within the whole company b. Initially, WFH then started on a hybrid set-up late 2023, 1x a week. Wala kaming own table, like sit where ever you want)
So in our company, katatapos lang ng evaluations and assessments namin. I’m running for an assistant managerial role. On my part, I did everything I could para mapromote and my direct Manager and the Managers on our Sub-team agree naman with my performance kaya recommended ako for promotion. During the meeting with my direct manager na she’ll discuss my performance + results of the calibrations, una sobrang happy kasi acknowledged efforts ko and everything, and I deserve the promotion. Pero moving forward, may isang PFI na na-raise na need ko raw i-work on, and it was raised daw during the calibrations within the business group, na bakit same group of people (friends ko w/in the team ko) lang daw katabi ko tuwing nag ooffice kami. HAHAHA I was taken aback kasi, huh? Ganyan ka-petty yung gusto nyong i-call out sa akin? Not even performance issues or like communication or leadership issues? I mean don’t get me wrong, kahit na same people group katabi ko, lagi naman ako dumadaan sa ibang team members namin, and other business group members. And approachable and accommodating naman ako whenever other members of our team needs help. Like ang weird kasi yung direct Manager ko and the Managers within my team, di big deal to sa kanila, but these managers (na alam ko naman ever since mainit ako sa mata nila HAHA) from the business group gagawing big deal. Hahahaha like as in mema PFI lang.
So ayun lang, nakakairita lang yung thought na hahanapan ka ng petty thing HAHA kaso sorry sila tapos nako sa people pleasing era ko. As long as I give quality outputs on time, lead my sub-team properly, and work with my direct managers, and I’ll sit where the hell I want to. Hahahahahahaha
Ps, idk if what I felt was valid din pala, na nairita ako. (Personal irita lang, di ko sinabi during our meeting) Or should I be open sa pfi na tumabi sa iba? Pero kasi ang suggestion nila, kunyari finance (specifically tax ganon) ka, tumabi ka sa marketing or ibang finance (like AP or revenue). Para makilala din daw sila. Iniisip ko, bakit? Kaya nga katabi ko is team mates ko para mas mabilis flow ng information or like pag may questions, mas madali itanong and idiscuss since sila teammates mo. Kung tatabi ako sa ibang group, edi need ko pa tumayo or ichat yung teammates ko for questions? Then we have quarterly and annual social gatherings within other teams to get to know them.

Hi all, I know I would be getting "ask your advisors/professors" or "don't trust strangers on the internet" type of answers, but I would really appreciate your honest thoughts and advice. So I am going to be applying to statistics PhD programs in the upcoming fall, and I feel like I am not competitive enough for the top programs due to my GPA. Here is my profile:
Undergrad: T20 Math, GPA 3.87
Math and stats courses: single and multivariable calculus (A, A), linear algebra 1 and 2 (A-, A), diff eq (A), numerical analysis (A), high dimensional numerical linear algebra (A), real analysis (A), abstract algebra (A), measure theory (B, I did not take the final exam and got zero on it due to family emergency), statistical computing (A), probability theory (A), mathematical statistics (A), measure-theoretic probability (A)
Other courses: econometrics (A), advanced microeconometrics (A), advanced econometric theory (covering asymptotic theory–LLN/CLT/Empirical Processes, A), time series econometrics (A), intermediate microeconomics and macroeconomics (A, A), three intro CS courses (A, A, A)
Research experience:
(1) Two empirical RAships for four months each at a finance department (empirical IO) and private think tank (data cleaning and other tedious data wrangling), but I am not getting letters from the advisors there. Finance paper that I RAed for got accepted at the top field journal recently and they mention my name in the acknowledgement.
(2) Summer REU in computational math where I developed an iterative algorithm for numerical optimization, found probabilistic bounds for the errors and proved convergence under the bounds, and did empirical testing of the algorithm via simulations. Submitted to top journal and is under review.
(3) Research with an econometrics professor at my school in high-dimensional econometrics. I proposed a potential topic, did 80% of lit search and review, did 80% of proof and simulations, and solo-implemented the algorithm. We are aiming to submit the paper to a peer-reviewed statistics or econometrics journal over the summer ideally, before October at the latest, and I will be the first author.
(4) Writing an honors thesis in nonparametric statistics, permutation-based nonparametric independence tests with SOTA implementation of developed algorithms.
Research interest: Econometrics–causal ML, high-dimensional estimation, nonparametric inference.
Letter of Recommendation: Math professor whom I did research with, statistics professor whom I did research with, and an econometrician. All are advisors to the research projects mentioned above.
I know PhD admissions are very noisy especially these days, and since econometrics applications are always unpredictable, I am getting nervous as the application season approaches. Do you think I have a shot at top (~T10) economics phd programs? How wide should I cast a net and what can I do to improve my profile (does a predoc even make sense for an econometrician? do I really need a predoc for T10 in the first place?)? Thank you so much for your time in advance!

A few days ago, I came home from work and my son came to chat with my wife and me. He says “Did you hear about John Doe (I will not use the person’s real name). He won $50,000 at ISEF. His project was totally fake.”
I was floored. But why? The thought in my head was “Oh my god, after so many years, was a student finally busted for piggybacking off of work done by professors, graduate students, or other scientists/engineers that work in some type of research labs?!?!”
I then Googled Doe’s name online and realized that what he did was different (or was it?). He used a falsified image to make a major claim in his paper. He stole a graph used to make a major claim and made it seem like it came from his data. He also stole an image from an article to make a false claim that he built a complicated device. There were many other issues with his paper as well.
Since my son told me about Doe, I have read some articles and other Reddit threads on this scandal. In my view, they have not addressed two major related issues:

• While there is an anonymous person or group of people who dissected his paper to a level such that this major fraud could be uncovered, have other submissions to ISEF and other major science fairs over the years been examined with the same level of scrutiny? Can we be confident that all of the submissions over the years that have been accepted were actually legitimate?
• It is well known that most of the top projects at fairs such as ISEF and publications in major research journals by high schoolers are results of students riding the coattails of professors, graduate students, and or industry research scientists/engineers. Yet many of these students are awarded five to six figure amounts in scholarship money and the results of these fairs are valued higher by college admissions committee than accomplishments that truly demonstrate outstanding academic capabilities. How can and when will this be stopped?!?!

Through my own observations and informal conversations with different people over the years, I have been well aware of this issue with science fairs. Some events occurred in late ’22 and ’23 that got me thinking very deeply about it. But due to my private nature, I sought out conversations with only two people to discuss it. One was a person with a STEM Masters degree that works for a high technology company. The other was a retired STEM professor. Both of them were in agreement that this issue exists.
Afterwards, over the course of a few months, I had some additional conversations with close friends during which this issue was unexpectedly broached. One father of a student who won many research awards acknowledged that the first ‘project’ for which he won a major award and was a stepping stone for all of his others could have been completed by many students. His son was fortunate to get the connections and ‘mentorship’ needed to complete this project and there was no extraordinary academic capability needed. I had another conversation with a close friend who has a STEM PhD from a very prestigious university. He had spent time with a student that over the last few years had won extensive scholarship money and awards at research fairs. My friend had concluded that this student was practically a fraud for reasons mentioned in my second bullet above.
The 2024 Regeneron ISEF took place a few months after these conversations. I heard about some major awards that were won by students my friends and I knew. Honestly, I would just roll my eyes for the above reasons. There is no question that some of these winners are extremely bright and talented. But it isn’t because of these projects.
After my son told me about Doe, I went online and found some Reddit threads dealing with Doe and this issue with science fairs in general. At the end of this post are some of the statements I found which support my assertion.
Now I understand that this post by itself is not enough to make the claim that these major science fairs have an extensive amount of fraud irrefutable. But to convince ~me~ otherwise, I would like someone who is qualified and unbiased to say to me something along the lines of:
“I know that many of the projects at ISEF and similar competitions and events appear to be at the academic level of professors, graduate students, and experienced industry research scientists. I also know that there is a pervasive perception that students are riding the coattails of such people to achieve these results and complete these projects. But I can attest to the fact that virtually all of these projects were completed by the students themselves with no help from adult subject matter experts. The students have put in hundreds of hours to do research, run experiments, and put together all the work needed for these projects themselves and if you scrutinize the work, you will find a miniscule amount of, if any, plagiarism or fraud of any kind. In doing so, these students have demonstrated tremendous academic capability that you will find in extremely few, if any, students their age. These students are 100% deserving of the scholarship money, awards, recognition they get and it genuinely demonstrates the abilities that should be needed to gain admission to a top university.”
This is what I would like to see happen:

• Scrutinize all submissions over the years to ISEF and other similar events the same way that Doe’s submission was scrutinized. Look not only for examples of similar fraud but also examine what work to achieve the results of the project was done by the students themselves versus what was done by other experts. Also look to see if exceptional academic capability was truly demonstrated by the student in the project. Start with the ISEF submission referred to in the dossier on Doe’s submission. Then go to all the other submissions this year and go backwards in time. Publish the finding in ways similar to the dossier on Doe’s submission. I know this would take a lot of time and effort from many people, but anybody who commits fraud to the level that Doe did deserves to have it exposed.
• Reform these science fairs:

o Encourage competitions in which students are given STEM case studies with problems to solve. Give students a limited amount of time to architect solutions which detail how these problems could be solved and also demonstrate exceptional academic capability. Judge the students on the quality of their solutions.
o Establish ‘checkpoints’ for submissions to major events like ISEF that are NOT district, regional, or state level science fairs. These checkpoints should be when the projects are at different levels, e.g. concept phase/baseline, 20%, 40%, 60%, 80%, 100% complete. At each checkpoint, minimum criteria should be established that need to be met to advance to the next level and only top projects should advance. Judges should scrutinize the projects the same way Doe’s project was scrutinized and they should make sure that it is the student doing 100% of the work with no help from other subject matter experts.
I will conclude by saying that I truly appreciate how “through a global network of local, regional and national science fairs, millions of students are encouraged to explore their passion for scientific inquiry” as stated in the Regeneron press release announcing this year’s awards. I also think that all the students, including Doe, who have projects at fairs like ISEF are extremely bright and talented. But because there is so much to gain from doing well at these competitions, students, parents, and others have resorted to unethical tactics to produce great results. If the Society for Science doesn’t reform the fairs in the ways above, I would very much like to see them do so in ways that brings the highest levels of scientific integrity back into these events.
Statements from Reddit threads regarding fraud in science fairs:

• My question is ‘how are high schoolers still allowed to do this (submitting frauded work) every year? How do they get away with it? And why do they still win prizes?
• Do you really believe any “high school” student can do highly technical assay like immunofluorescence and get beautiful results deserving of a PhD thesis?
• Same competition that gave a prize to that kid who found a way to “detect pancreatic cancer.” I’m sure this type of thing (submitting frauded work) is very common in it.
• Most that I’ve encountered had parents in STEM fields that could give them connections to labs and mentorship. It’s almost impossible to enter these fairs without some sort of mentor who is willing to dedicate their time to some high school kid.
• Most ISEF finalists (and award winners) have at least one parent working in college/industrial research-parents who have pointed their kids towards science fair projects and research internships with connections to famous labs and amazing opportunities that the rest of high school students don’t have access to.
• A lot of ISEF attendees were basically getting carried by their professors and post-docs in labs just piggy-backing off of each other’s research in order to have a better shot at applying to colleges.
• It’s difficult to be a high school student creating projects on the level of projects which have been lowkey pirated from experienced mentors/researchers, and I’m pretty sure that the majority of award winners had major (like MAJOR) outside help.
• I also went to ISEF my sophomore year, and the majority of the projects there were just students latching onto other professors’ projects.
• I work on my engineering projects tirelessly at home……….., only to get overshadowed by lab-built mentor-produced projects that I simply can’t beat…….
• Many times I personally feel it just fosters an atmosphere of cheating, plagiarism, and is not indicative of passion or hard work, rather just someone else helping you do a lot of work and you putting your name on it.
• There was a group of people at my school who moved onto the state ISEF competition only because they piggybacked on a professor’s brain research…………..
• I also was just at Intel ISEF and 10000% agree (these projects are not the work of the students themselves).
• I asked my math professor at Columbia for some research opportunities in applied math and PDEs and he said something along the lines of “you are nowhere near useful for research until graduate school (10 second silence) you may see a lot of people in high school doing research but 90% of those projects are fabricated and are not theirs.
  
• I continue to lament the fact that there are many projects that won ISEF trips (among other awards) because the kids piggybacked off of mentors’ research.
  

My MS ended in the worst way I could have imagined. And honestly it’s not even over.
My advisors have been hands off since the start, which took me a while to figure out how to efficiently work.
Honestly, I did well most of the time. I’m a self motivated individual, and I liked the freedom I was given. We met every other week for the last two years. Definitely had some frustrating meetings, but at no point did I think I was ever headed in the wrong direction.
My “main” advisor wanted me to try a new way to defend, where I do the public presentation early, and then write my thesis and have the closed door later, so it’s not this massively long day. I’m a MS student, I’ve never written a thesis. I’ve never defended. I thought it sounded like a good idea. And honestly, I do like the idea of doing the public presentation early. I think it went well.
My public presentation went very well. I had great feedback from the public and the department. But I wasn’t really given any guidance on writing my thesis. I wrote my thesis in two weeks without any help from my advisors. Just was sent off to write and then send them a draft.
I sent the draft, and they were just.. pissed. They said I didn’t do what my thesis was supposed to be about. It was heartbreaking. Mostly because I spoke to my advisors about staying on for a PhD, like 6 months before my defense semester. They told me they loved working with me and that I’m a great student. They never gave me an offer and I was never operating with the thought it was a definite. But I had a really good reason to think I could stay and continue working on this project that I loved.
I guess my first draft wasn’t the “academic product” they wanted. It wasn’t PhD ready. They did a complete 180 on me and it tore me apart. I thought I fixed my edits in the 4 days I was given, sent my thesis to my committee, and then had my closed door.
My closed door was a nightmare. It was two hours of my advisors berating me for not doing what I was supposed to do. My committee member just was silent. I think my “main” advisor was ready to fail me. And it’s hard because we’ve grown close, and he acknowledged that he cared about me and it was a really hard discussion.
They passed me with a conditional pass with major revisions. They want to have another unofficial closed door. As far as the grad school is concerned, I defended. Which is good… but this was the worst way I could have imagined it all ending. I’m heartbroken that I failed , and I’m frustrated that it got this far.
I know that at that point it reflects worse on them as advisors, and I think that’s why they passed me. For their own sake. I’m not the first grad student of theirs who has had a similar ending.
I just submitted my new thesis yesterday, which I once again was given 2.5 weeks to write. I’m frustrated and I’m heartbroken. I loved working with them, and I had a good experience right until the end. I never wanted to disappoint them, and I wanted them to see my abilities, and instead they saw the worst of me in their eyes.
How did it get this far? How did they let me publically defend if I wasn’t ready? Sure I went too far into my own rabbit holes and lost focus, I won’t disagree. But why was I not told this back in like, February? I didn’t know I was heading in the wrong directions.
I’m relieved the big stressor, rewriting my thesis, is done. But I’m fucking terrified it’s still not good enough. I’m heartbroken that it ended the way it did. This was never the outcome I could have expected. My self confidence is gone. I feel like I don’t even know how to process anything that’s happened to me in the last year.

We did it, guys. After 84 years, we're finally here. I dreaded this part because there's so much to say about it. And it's all so gorgeously said on screen, I highly doubt I have enough time, or words, or writing skills, to honestly say how well said this love story was, for all their lack of communication skills. But it doesn't matter because they did get to the finish line.
Thank you so much to all who came along with me on this, enjoy the long, long post ahead xo
Quick recap: Robert knows a secret for once, Mary's emotional repression has reached max capacity and she's close to getting back to 0 fucks given (I miss my bitchy Mary, please come back to me). Carlisle's losing control of the wheel and he hates it, Matthew has a lot of questions for Mary but he takes his sweet time putting them in order because he's decided to take a page out of her book and choose repression and endless rumination before reaching a decision.
Oh, and Bates' trial has started, Mary is right there next to Anna for moral support, and the empathy is so strong they look like they share the emotional turmoil between them (in that scene, it's mainly derision at the face of O'Brien's existence).
https://preview.redd.it/lxwfkl050m2d1.jpg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8ca0ba52571ac9a756c5e107424ae06d8f3b675
Btw, Matthew's right by Mary's side (if slightly cut off, thanks Fellowes). Because if Mary is putting herself through witnessing a murder trial for Anna's sake, he'll be there with her.
I beg you all not to ask me to expand on the specifics of the trial. Most of it was so dumb.
Like sure, Bates was stupid enough to tell the police about his conversation with Robert, but the fact that the barristers representing him did not counter the witness testimonies is bonkers. Or the fact that the prosecution would have THAT many details of private conversations to make the allusions to his guilt in the first place.
Anyway. I'm really sad for Anna, this was too devastating to imagine. And it's a double hit, because we couldn't properly enjoy the fact that Lady Mary Josephine Crawley Visited A Pub.
And Matthew was right there to witness it.
Did he order a pint for her just to see her reaction? Was it a Guinness? The mood was far too sombre for him to challenge her to actually drink said pint. Never mind laughing at her pinched expression with every single sip. And she wouldn't be able to mock him over his chance to nerd out over legal proceedings.
In short, Matthew and Mary's single visit to a pub together was absolutely, daytime robbery. Thanks very much Mr Fellowes, deeply appreciated (not).
Excuse the comedic interval - Bates has been found guilty, they're waiting to see if Murray will manage to get the verdict dropped from death to life imprisonment and Mary's just been told the story she's been hiding from her father for *years*, by Robert himself.
https://preview.redd.it/2iouk3ve0m2d1.jpg?width=586&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50fbdc7acd650d65783bf1e58db436a03686f341
Robert is watching how much Mary is empathising with Anna. He's also watching how broken up Anna is, and how lives can be so very easily ended, and he reaches an obvious decision on what he must do for his daughter.
Robert: Can I ask you something? Mary: Of course. Robert: Do you stay with Carlisle because he’s threatened to expose the story of Mr Pamuk dying in your bed? Mary: When did you find out? Robert: Your mother told me when I asked why you were still with Carlisle when you look so tired of him. Mary: How very disappointed you must be.
He is direct, but not judgemental, and explains that the only reason why he knows was out of interest for her happiness, and having guessed, correctly, that her remaining attached to Carlisle was NOT out of choice really.
Mary is shocked but her reaction is very telling of who she is. She doesn't try to excuse herself. Mary has accepted her lot of responsibility on this. She has accepted the impact it has had on her life. So all she says is "How very disappointed you must be."
Because that's what she expects. That's what she's received so far, from her family, and from society as a whole. But for all the love she has for her father, she believes he doesn't have much use for her, or much faith in her, so what's left there for her to lose, if he despises her for this?
She just says what she expects to hear, but doesn't beg for mercy or forgiveness. She doesn't expect she'll have it, and she has no need for it either. Robert's rejected her long before this, in her mind at least, so what does it matter, really? She still won't really look at him as she says it, because for all that she's accepted her father's rejection of her, so far, she still spent most of her life trying to please him. Even if he did ignore her in favour of his adopted sons, both times, so far.
https://preview.redd.it/pit23h1l0m2d1.jpg?width=586&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5e121c88fe166cc5b8d8ea3a3aa210c80f16354
Mary: To answer your question, it is partly true, though not entirely. In Mama’s phrase, I am "damaged goods" now. Richard is, after all, prepared to marry me in spite of it, to give me a position, to give me a life.
I love her response. For its honesty, even if it is shockingly depressing.
She uses Cora's phrase from all those years ago, and that just shows how deeply it has scarred her. We know she's been telling herself this, she believes this to be true, even if her strength of character hasn't allowed her to externalise her self-hatred. An Edith would be cowering in a corner in the face of so much judgement, but Mary is made of stronger stuff than that. She wears her scars inside herself, and has a strong enough armour to not let them show, not unless she chooses to.
She also admits that she has some respect for Carlisle, even if it's misplaced, because "he will have her, is prepared to marry her" to give her a life, in spite of her state as "damaged goods". To her, it's ok that he's a controlling asshole. Because she doesn't deserve much better, cannot expect to ever get much better than that, not in her current state of being.
That's how internalised misogyny works, really. We hate ourselves enough to think that abuse is what we deserve, for being despicable creatures. That's what abusers use, that's why gaslighting works, because we end up choosing a life of misery because we can't accept we deserve better.
Mary, honey, you deserve better 🧡
And for all the faults I've laid on Robert's shoulders, and I know it's a lot, he rises to the occasion here.
Robert: And that’s worth it? Even though he already sets your teeth on edge? What about Matthew? How does he view the late Mr Pamuk? Mary: He doesn’t know.
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Her fear at the thought of Matthew finding out, even now. Her eyes after almost pleading with her father to not tell Matthew any of it.
God, Mary 😭
Again, while she wasn't afraid of her father's reaction because, in the long run, it wouldn't make much of a difference to her, she was a disappointment to him from the moment she was born, MATTHEW's bad opinion is something she just can't take.
She knows he cares for her, loves her, really, even if it seems like that love is not enough to outweigh his guilt. And Mary can respect this, because she's always known that love is not enough to make a good marriage.
But the idea of having him look at her in the same way her mother's looked at her, her sister, Carlisle, she can't take it.
Robert: So that is not what split you apart; I thought it might have been. Mary: Oh, no. Th—there are other reasons for that... to do with Lavinia. Robert: I see. And those reasons are final? Mary: They are final for Matthew. So, yes, they are.
If Matthew is certain, there's no more discussion on the matter to be had, as far as Mary is concerned. Mary knows what it's like to be pressured to marry someone, anyone. It's been done to her all her life, and she refuses to do it to Matthew.
She wants to be chosen, to be wanted, not to be someone he ended up with. And it was the thing that made her separate from Lavinia previously. Because Mary offered herself, opened herself up to rejection and when it came, she accepted it even if it broke her. Lavinia came back and took that choice away from Matthew. Wouldn't take "No" for an answer.
And if you think about it, Matthew had found himself trapped in the situation he had rejected all those years back in 1.2 when he told Isobel:
"I will choose my own wife."
Yet, in his second engagement to Lavinia, he hadn't chosen her. She had been chosen FOR him, by Cora, and Carlisle. And the woman he DID want, he let go of, for the sake of his honour.
To be fair to him, Mary hadn't offered to be his wife back then. She was still bound to Carlisle because of the scandal, but you get my meaning. Matthew still learned she loved him back, and he was still about to ignore the future happiness of all people involved for the sake of his honour and his pride.
And he would do that after he berated Mary for "not loving him enough to marry him" back when he had proposed. He now knows that love is not the only reason that might keep someone from marrying the right person.
Also, how could Mary ever believe he'd accept her perceived lack of honour after THAT kind of behaviour from him? She thought Matthew's code of conduct too rigid, for someone like him to ever manage to accept someone like her.
Mary: He’ll keep my secret if I marry him.
Robert: Once I might have thought that a good thing. But I’ve been through a war and a murder trial since then, to say nothing of your sister’s choice of husband. I don’t want my daughter to be married to a man who threatens her with ruin. I want a good man for you, a brave man. Find a cowboy in the Middle West and bring him back to shake us up a bit.
She gave him the out she thought he'd take. That yes, it was a difficult situation but she had a way to protect everyone from scandal. And Robert, while acknowledging that he would have, once upon a time, expected her to make such a sacrifice for the sake of the family, he doesn't any more.
The moment when Robert acknowledges Mary's happiness is more important than the family name. Her face breaks, and she hugs her father, and-
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She'll be devoted to him for the rest of her days. Because finally, there's value in her, in her father's eyes. And he acknowledges his respect for her "I don't want my daughter to be married to a man who threatens her with ruin. I want a good man for you. A brave man." because that's what Mary deserves. And that's certainly not Carlisle, and if it's not Matthew either, well dear, you'll just have to broaden your horizons.
Because she deserves better.
I have no shame, I cried in my tea.
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Matthew: You got my note. I’m so glad you’re here. And I feel somehow we were, all of us, part of each other’s story for a while, and...
Mate. Please. You know she's not there because you're "part of each other's stories". She's there because she loves you, and you're going through a difficult thing, and just like you were there to support her with Anna, because you love her, she's here for you now.
Mary looks at him like she has so many choice words in her head, but she loves him too much to voice them.
Hilariously, so does Isobel. But she's just keeping those words for later.
Mary: And now that story is at an end. Isobel: In what way? Mary: Well, Matthew doesn’t want to live here, and I’m moving away soon. Matthew: You’re moving to Haxby? Mary: Wherever I go, the time we shared is over, and Lavinia was a part of that.
Matthew wanting to leave Downton and go back to Manchester (because if it was bad enough before when Mary wouldn't marry him, presumably, God knows no sentient being would want to sit around and watch her be married to Carlisle, least of all Matthew), and then immediately freaking out when she say's she'll be going away soon. WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MARY.
"Wherever I go" My beloved asshole is back, partially. The bitch in her would not give him the satisfaction of a clear answer.
Good. He's being an idiot.
Poor Isobel is watching this drama unfold with absolute disbelief. I empathise. They're both stupid.
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She calls him out on it the moment Mary leaves.
I love how he takes the time to slowly and, with a lot of conviction, say "I deserve to be unhappy" because he really, truly believes it for himself. But then he rushes through "and so does Mary" so fast it's barely legible.
Because even if he believes she shares some blame in what happened with Lavinia, he loves her too much to wish for her to be unhappy. Or to truly believe Mary should be punished for loving him.
And this is A BIG reason why they fought over Swire's fortune in season 3 btw. Obviously, Mary wanted to save her father and Downton (look above at life long devotion to being her father's favourite daughter now worthy of his respect) but she must have also been pretty mad at Matthew's lingering guilt over Lavinia, worried that their marriage itself might be causing him similar feelings of guilt.
It's not accidental that Matthew kept saying how much he loved her every time they fought over that. But we'll talk about this, extensively, when I start working on season 3 (yes, I've been convinced, I'll do these for season 3 as well).
Matthew pretends not to be affected by Isobel's words, but he is. After all, he DOES know Mary loves him. And apparently, her words from a few days ago "you would despise me if you knew" are eating at him. And now with the fear that she's leaving for, somewhere, he just has to know. He has to get some clarity.
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She's still so certain she's about to be crucified by him. Yet she'll tell him, with the absolute face of "oh well, what have I got to lose".
Literally nothing at this point.
Matthew's still convinced they shouldn't be together (and I bet the resentment over being presumably thrown over due to lack of a social position is lingering, I'm sure that's why he thinks she wants to marry Carlisle).
So he's set to go back to Manchester. Regardless of whether she stays with Carlisle or goes to America he's pretty much lost to her. And if she will never see much of him again, why not cut it at the root. She'll never have him, and she won't be seeing rejection in his face every day of her life. Maybe if he hates her it will be easier for her to let him go.
Drama queen.
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The face you make when you realise your whole life has been a lie.
All the things going through his head (and the images things he'd desperately trying NOT to think of).
He's still processing, but he'll get there. That they'd both have been spared years of pain if only she had been a bit less of a coward. That if he'd shown SOME understanding and been slightly less self-righteous he might have given her some space to think he would not be so very unforgiving of her mistake.
She's so certain, even now, that he'll wash his hands off of her. And how can she not be when he is ever Oh SO Self-Righteous he thinks he caused Lavinia a case of the Spanish Flu.
"I'm just trying to understand- did you love him? Because if it was love-" if it was love I could excuse SOME of the shit we put ourselves through over this.
His FACE when she says "it was LUST Matthew, or a need for excitement-"
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Computer says no. He's like, I'm trying NOT to think about the specifics Mary thank you very much.
Imagine if he knew it wasn't even lust really, that it was more like a case of self-preservation.
Mary: I’m Tess of the d'Urbervilles to your Angel Claire. I have fallen. I am impure. Matthew: Don’t joke. Don’t make it little, not when I’m trying to understand.
Of course this nerd is bringing up a book analogy. I bet she hates Tess of the d'Urbervilles. And Thomas Hardy in general, far too lyrical and melodramatic for this cynic idiot.
I bet she read his book and then scoffed and chucked it out a window. Mary would have loooved the writers of the 50s and the 60s. Modern Mary has written a thesis on Camus and spent her gap year in Paris, hot on Simone de Beauvoir's trail.
By the way, Tess, in that book? Is *raped* by Alec. Later kills him in retaliation, and is executed for it.
I bet pragmatist Mary doesn't care about those details. Which is why she says "It was lust Matthew, or a need for excitement or something I saw in him oh what difference does it make"
Sex, rape, coercion, same results. In Mary's mind at the time. Girl, you need Simone. You were born too early on this Earth.
"Don't joke, don't try to make it little, not when I'm trying to understand" this boy knows her too well. She's told him about her hatred of that book and its stance on women and their "virtue". He's heard that feminist rant.
What he doesn't know is that what she minimises is what the act meant for her, not for him and for the world at large. See above: Tess dies in the end of the book.
By the way, I *love* his face here, when she talks about Tess he's dissociating, hard. He doesn't want to think that and Mary in the same sentence.
"The fact remains, that I'm made different by it. Things have change between us." finally, she openly admits the source of years of self-hatred. Growth.
Note: Matthew does not agree with her on this, already showing that he doesn't have the same picture of Mary in his mind that Mary has.
Matthew: Even so, you must not marry him.
The instant urge to get Carlisle out of the picture - mate, same.
"You're strong. A storm braver if ever I saw one." He knows. He gets her so well.
I can't describe how amazing it felt to watch him say this, now that he knows the truth. He finally understands what she put herself through.
That in order not to lie to him she broke her own heart and didn't accept his proposal, even though she loved him, clearly, even back then. That she supported him entirely, and Lavinia too, that she stood by him through everything when he was sick, and let Lavinia take all the praise even though it was *Mary* who was there for him 100%, supported him in everything and stood up for him when he wouldn't stand up for himself, and meanwhile her own life was crumbling in the background.
"I wonder. Sybil is the strong one. She really doesn't care what other people think but I'm afraid I do." That was literally maybe the one massive difference between Mary and Sybil. They were quite similar people at their core otherwise. It made all the difference that night with Pamuk, and it made all the difference in her not telling Matthew the truth back then. She was too afraid of what he'd think, of what the world would think. But she's still being unfair to herself. She was a coward, yes, but she IS strong, she went through a massive storm with hardly a peep, or support from anyone.
Matthew earns more villainy points here (about a dozen, all together) by continuing on dunking on Carlisle. Because he's happy to lose Mary to a man worthy of her (like an American Millionaire, even though they both say it in jest, as if Mary would ever marry a man who couldn't love her for herself), he could never accept her getting trapped in a marriage with a man who cannot appreciate her properly (also, that's only one person in Matthew's head and it's himself and please Matthew get your head out of your ass it's been long enough).
And while they make those stupid jokes they're both so sad and tortured. Mary doesn't want to go to America. Matthew doesn't want Mary to go to America. Why do you do this to yourselves? Oh, sorry, I forgot, you're idiots.
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"I never would- I never could despise you "
HER FACE
Matthew is only a mortal man and not an angel from above (Angel Clare style) and his love for her is only human, as imperfect as he is. And it's acceptant of her in all her imperfections. She hasn't brought him down from his holy path for loving him. They're two broken people who love each other fully, in the best way they can. And their best is some really high-quality devotion, acceptance, and self-sacrifice.
He sees her for who she is, and loves her for who she is, and that is a level of acceptance she's never found before, or after, this. A level of acceptance no other character ever found on this show. Everyone else had secrets. Not Mary and Matthew. They knew each other like they knew themselves.
I'm DYING 😭😭
Can anyone else *see* why any other suitor after Mary for her beauty/money/charisma/whatever was a lesser man after this moron????
Mary is so humbled by it she looks down and can't even reply. I'll die with this ship I swear-
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I *love* the parallel between Anna and Mary, and the way both of them think they're about to lose the love of their lives, in different ways, but lose them all the same.
Anna has to leave Downton to run away from the judgement of the world if Bates is hanged. Mary has to leave Downton to run away from the judgement of the world if Carlisle spreads the secret. Both of them would also be losing the men they love, in very different ways. And to both of them, a life in America could give a fresh start.
And Mary's so happy she'll have Anna with her, even as she tells her not to give up hope. Because Mary puts other before her own happiness all the time, and she'd never begrudge Anna hers, even if it meant she'd lose her.
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Mary dumps Carlisle both because Robert (head of the family) told her to, so she no longer has the burden of letting down the family AND, because Matthew told her he could never despise her.
And if Matthew doesn't despise her she's not as horrible as she thought, so she should try for a better life than tying herself to a horrible man BECAUSE SHE DESERVES BETTER.
She's STILL being good to him though. She says "you MUST see, we're not well-suited" and she's right. They don't work together. We spoke of this in the previous part. Carlisle needs a compliant wife, one that will just bow to his will, and that could never be Mary.
The sad thing is, he cannot dispute that. All he can do is try to regain power over her. To tell her he'll ruin her and her family. He doesn't know of course that that doesn't hold the weight it did before, in Mary's mind. That he CANNOT use it against her, not anymore.
And to be honest, from discussions that have been had on this sub about Carlisle lately, I doubt he ever held that kind of power over her to begin with. Not from the moment they got engaged.
All aristocrats had secrets. Most families had one skeleton or another in their closets. And if he ever wanted to make another engagement, if he ever wanted to not have doors shut in his face, either from families who would stand by the Crawleys, or by families who simply don't want a vengeful, jilted suitor in their midst, he'd keep her secret to himself. He knew he'd never publish, but he knew it was the only thing keeping Mary tethered to him, so he bluffed, but he would have never published her secret, it would earn him no favours. And he never did.
Also, the fact that he HOLDS her family's name over her and is now more than happy to drag the Crawleys through the mud - "And you wonder why we wouldn't make each other happy!" - he has no sense of loyalty, Mary was raised on loyalty, she cannot fathom this.
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"Oh here he is! The man who can smile, and smile, and be a villain!"
Finally, someone acknowledges Matthew's villainy! And with misquoted Shakespeare too.
Sorry Carlisle, you're a piece of shit and your Hamlet quote is unwarranted. Hamlet said this to his uncle, Claudius, who murdered Hamlet's father for the throne and pretended he didn't.
First of all, Carlisle himself was the one who ruined his relationship with Mary, Matthew just made it obvious.
Second of all, Mary is not an object, a throne, to be conquered and held by one of two men. So fuck off mate.
Also, Mary didn't really need help once she decide to rid herself of some deadweight suitor, and Matthew rushing to reassure her that he didn't think she needed his help (I heard shouting). But he was still protective. MATTHEW 😭
You don't understand how much I love that the thing that sent Matthew over the edge was Carlisle hitting him *right* where he knew it would hurt the most - the thought that his and Mary's love for each other was what killed Lavinia. And that it did it slowly, because they had been oh so obvious about it. For Years.
A bastard, but an insightful one.
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"You two were locked together in the corner of the room" and they both look away - someone bring out the SHAME bell.
Listen, they had to hear it at some point. Their stupidity caused a lot of people a lot of pain. It could have been avoided if only they talked to each other. I'm not saying I don't understand how and why, of course I do, and while I have no pity for Carlisle, poor Lavinia hadn't deserved that, even if she had ignored the signs.
Also, I don't believe Carlisle here. I don't think Lavinia would have spoken so openly to him about it. I DO believe she noticed Matthew's attention to Mary before the dance, we've talked about this.
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Cannot believe this girl. She apologises to him. She feels guilty over it, even towards Carlisle of all people. I don't think she's being fair to herself however. In a marriage of convenience there's an acceptance of the terms from both sides. He was the one who couldn't honour his end of the deal. And I don't believe for a moment that Carlisle's interest in her had anything to do with love, even if he says "I loved you, you know".
No dear, love is not supposed to put a chokehold on the other person. Love is not about ones own interest, as Mary and Matthew have shown us many times so far.
Anyway, I suppose he is entitled to his opinion, and of course never let anyone stop Mary from saying she's sorry. And I suppose she is sorry, if anything for how she and Matthew let the mess between the two of them spread so far out that it messed up the lives of so many people.
Any chance Carlisle had an inkling about Matthew's confession over Lavinia's grave, and drove in the guilt to make sure if he and Mary were to break it off, Matthew wouldn't let himself swoop in and replace him? Probably. Glad he failed spectacularly.
Robert DID help Matthew get rid of some of the guilt. "You're not responsible for feelings beyond your control" - ain't that the truth. He and Mary didn't kiss because he didn't respect Lavinia, or didn't care for him, they just couldn't hide their feelings for each other any more.
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How she watches on, absolutely miserable that she'll leave her whole world behind and go to America with nothing but regrets and memories, but puts on a fake smile THE MOMENT she realises he is watching her and might see how sad she is.
He wouldn't have her when she was asking him to let her be his nurse, he certainly won't have her now, when he knows the truth, even if he doesn't despise her it would still bring a scandal to his door. So what could it possibly give either of them to let him see her pain. FFS dramatic asshat.
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Note: they're actually dancing here, and not just pretend-dancing just to hold each other like they did in the previous episode. AND he actually asks her to a dance instead of just open his arms and expect her to step into them.
It's time, they're getting all their issues out of the way:
Issue 1: Would you stay? If I asked you to?
Mary thinks she must go because there's no future for her in England. She won't marry someone under false pretences, and if Carlisle publishes she'll be ruined anyway.
She'd asked him, at the end of season 1 "Would you have stayed, if I had accepted you?" and of course he would have. So now, he asks her the same question.
And of course she will.
Issue 2: And what about Mr Pamuk?
Mary doesn't want that guilt to hang over her head forever. She wants to be accepted, and wanted, and she wants him to be sure. That he won't regret it, down the line, when they argue, or when/if the scandal becomes public.
"I haven't forgiven you because...I don't believe you need my forgiveness. You've lived your life and I've lived mine. And now it's time we lived them together."
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MATTHEW
Love and acceptance on a whole other level. They broke the scale.
She makes him do it properly because I bet all my savings he blurted out "Will you marry me?" the moment they stopped making out in that dinning room in his first proposal, and that just won't do.
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Thank the Lord. I can go out for drinks.

I (24f) started working as an official thesis advisor at my university this year. I had experience as a freelance advisor and made APA and style corrections. I have never written an entire thesis for another student.
Before getting the job, I had sent a student an APA template. He seemingly used the very same document to write his work, so the metadata showed me as the author. My ex-teacher found out about it. Now, also consider that her assistant is a former classmate of mine. That guy explained the whole situation and gave her proof. Still, that teacher started practically screaming at him, saying that I'm a coward, that I should've told her about it, that I'm incapable of confronting her, and that she had talked me into stopping doing "corrections" and being a thesis advisor because she knew I was "usurping" responsibilities of other students as I told them what to think and what to analyze. She and her assistant started saying that I wrote the work and that they knew I do that kind of job. All of that is false.
Now, my former teacher and I used to be "friends". We started hanging out in my last year of college. I always saw her as my teacher, but I stopped visiting her because of certain attitudes. I discussed those situations with my gf and a therapist, and they agreed she was acting weird, and maybe she was trying to "groom" me as she has a history of... let's say, being "too intimate" with her students. I got the job a few months after I stopped hanging out with her.
I got called into the Head of Department office, and he told me I wouldn't be hired the following semester due to a budget shortfall. The student she accused of cheating is retiring from this semester because she continues to harass him (he also has a condition and needs constant therapy, which was the reason he asked to change classes, but she denied him that). I found out about all of this the day before I was called into the office, and I'd like to think this "preventive announcement" is just a coincidence.
She also spoke with the heads of the investigation department. I don't know if she told them about me, but they asked her to present a report if she was so sure of what she was saying. Now, the only proof she has about her ideations is the metadata of the document, which shows that it was indeed created by me. However, it only has a time edition of three minutes (just enough time for him to copy and paste his work into the template).
To end this up, I'm scared of her. In our "relationship", there always was a power imbalance, and with the apparent "grooming", you'll notice that I was also vulnerable. I don't know what to do, and this situation makes me anxious as hell. I'd gladly take some advice.
I must also add that I stopped all my services after being hired.
Sorry if there are any mistakes. English is not my first language. Thank you for reading.

Hi, everyone! I am currently an adjunct but I am interviewing for a full time position in a few weeks. It would be a life changing opportunity offering healthcare at a campus I already love so I really don’t want to mess it up!
I have been tasked with the giving the hiring committee a 25-30 minute mini lesson and I’m wondering if anyone has any advice for doing mock teaching presentations.
For those of you who have been on either end of this scenario, do you have any tips? Should I expect the committee to actually do the work, or should I just pause and say “this when students would do x,y,z” and then move on? Is it better to acknowledge the slightly awkward nature of the experience or be straight faced?
I teach English 101-level classes (basic rhetoric, comp, research, writing, etc.). Does anyone have any advice on how to choose a topic or what has worked well for them in the past? A few of the topics I’ve been mulling over doing are a thesis statement workshop or a citation exercise. I’m so nervous!
Thank you for any thoughts or tips!

Undergrad GPA (Chemistry): 3.93 MPH GPA: 4.0 MCAT: 508 1st try (126,131,123,128) 520 2nd try (129,130,129,132) PREview Scheduled for June
Clinical Hours: Close to 3000 hrs with underserved populations (working in state-funded nursing home and then with opioid withdrawal patients)
Non-Clinical Employment: around 350 hrs at a gym
Shadowing: 46 hours, 4 specialties (radiology, EM, family med, pain management)
Research: 2015 hrs, no pubs, 1 acknowledgment in Nature (should I even include this?), 1 poster presentation, MPH thesis being submitted to journals in June
Leadership: exec member of a civic engagement org on campus, was in a pre-health frat for 2 years but dropped it so don't think I'll add that to my app
Volunteering: 130 hours -- I think this is my biggest red flag :/ but I worked literally all through university
Awards: Outstanding Global Health award within my MPH program (mostly bc of my thesis essay)
LORs: Fantastic LORs, from a very interesting and diverse group.
Very new Utah resident, but VA/Washington DC resident my entire life previously. My partner is likely going to UC Davis for grad school, so that's why I have so many CA schools despite low OOS chances. Please let me know if you have any additional advice for my school list:
MD:

• Albany Medical College
• Eastern Virginia Medical School
• Quinnipiac University
• George Washington
• Georgetown
• Kaiser Permanente
• Medical University of South Carolina
• University of Vermont
• University of Utah
• Brown
• UC San Diego
• University of Colorado
• University of Iowa
• University of Maryland
• University of Minnesota (my parents live here)
• University of Rochester (more family here)
• University of Virginia
• Virginia Tech

MD/PhD:

• UC San Francisco (dream program)
• UC Davis
• Oregon Health Science University
• University of Washington

Specifically applying MD/PhD for these due to phenomenal medical anthro or global health programs.

It's not hard. Send a fucking email. You want them to win? Well bitching about it on Reddit won't fucking do anything. Even if your MP is some Liberal century initiative shill still email them or write a letter. Literally if you are afraid of being called a racist and won't go counter protest then this is the bare minimum you can do. CBC and all the other mainstream Liberal media is on a fucking WAR PATH to make these fraudsters out to be saints who are being trampled. Now is the time for YOU to speak up. Or just continue let the narrative pushed and a bunch of unskilled uneducated idiots continue to flood this country. King is holding strong but will give up if he doesn't have any support
Heres a template. USE IT
[Your Name] [Your Address] [City, Province, Postal Code] [Email Address] [Phone Number] [Date]
[PremieMP Name] [Address of the Premier's Office or MP's Office] [City, Province, Postal Code]
Dear [PremieMP Name],
My name is [Your Name], and I am a resident of Prince Edward Island, living at [Your Address]. I am writing to express my full support for the recent changes to the P.E.I. Provincial Nominee Program (PNP) draws and the process for granting permanent residency.
I believe these changes are crucial for ensuring the safety and well-being of our citizens and for fostering the sustainable growth of P.E.I. As Canada's smallest but most beautiful province, it is imperative that we maintain a balance between welcoming new residents and preserving the interests of our existing communities.
I kindly request that my support be acknowledged and recorded, as it is crucial for our government to understand that its citizens support these changes, especially in light of the current protests by foreign nationals. We need these changes to ensure the safety and well-being of our citizens and the continued sustainable growth of Prince Edward Island.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Denis Kings office email premier@gov.pe.ca

(Swifties, this is your first and final warning. You will not enjoy reading what I've written. Please remind yourselves that you've had since 2006 to crop-dust all creation with your unchecked Taylor-related dickriding. Meanwhile, it's taken me a year and a half to lose enough of my fucks in the crowd to venture the following opinions. Deal with it, or git)
TL;DR: the Taylor Swift social experiment, like all cults of personality, scares the living shit out of me. Relatability should not be an arbiter of artistic merit; everything can be criticized; no-one should have this much money/ in-your-face ubiquity/ power over the media; she needs to stop trying to be a musical one-stop shop and let other artists breathe.
I’m going to use my opening statement to assure the masses that I mean neither Taylor Swift nor her fandom any harm. I don’t know any of you; I only know the brand and the brand ideals, of which a character named Taylor Swift, represented by a person named Taylor Swift, is the central figure. This is a rant, these are my feelings; I merely ask that you extend me the same grace you would your favourite singer-songwriter. And though I can’t promise that all of my points will be made in good faith, because many of them were prompted by genuine psychological triggers, I will do my best to keep the character and the person separate, along with the platforms and the users within the fandom, even if they are guilty of the same misdeeds. No matter how butthurt and snarky I get while organizing these vagrant thoughts - because this exercise is intended to permanently close down my internal TS thoughtschool - all said and done, I just want everyone to be good people and live good lives.
Cool? Cool.
For the sake of full disclosure: her music is fine. I mean…it’s fine. I’ve yet to hear anything that made me want to manually arrest the earth’s orbit, but that comes down to my own personal taste.
And I’ve been obsessed with music for a good goddamn 43 years; I remember trampolining on the furniture to Queen, Prince, and Blondie when I was barely out of diapers, getting my first period at a New Kids on the Block concert (for real), and clawing the shredded fishnets of every early-90s riot grrrl while my 9th grade social capital continued its neverending nosedive. As someone stuck right slap-ass in the Bible Belt - where my love for the INXS song “Devil Inside” was publicly demonized due to the metaphorical conceit - music is the closest I’ve ever come to religious rapture.
But I just can’t seem to acquire a taste for the holy Taylor Swift host.
Once in a while, drifting through her sea of beige melodies and hand me down instrumentals, she will hork up a half-decent turn of phrase (the bridge of “Marjorie” really is a knockout). But I don’t think her specific command of the English language deserves this level of perpetual global veneration. And even when I’m impressed by the way she clicks words together, I don’t feel moved to take them apart and examine them for hidden depths or synesthetic value. To me, her writing is only marginally better than the Star Wars/ Mortal Kombat/ Jem & the Holograms fanfics I used to write while procrastinating between shifts at Starbucks. (Not me ending a letter to Stormer from Kimber with, “I miss you like January misses Christmas.”) To paraphrase the MechaStreisand episode of South Park: “Ya ain’t Fiona Apple. And if ya ain’t Fiona Apple, I don’t give a rat’s ass.”
But it goes beyond me staying stubbornly put as the approximate rest of the world is shaken to the core by her musical LiveJournal. I’m not here to yuck anybody’s yum. If Taylor Swift is to you what Stephen King (an inconsistent but effective storyteller who unknowingly taught me how to express my own macabre thoughts) is to me, that’s fabulous. Everyone deserves to feel that way about something; everyone deserves to experience a piece of art or media that makes them sit more comfortably amongst the serrated edges of the world.
The difference is, when someone tells me that Stephen King sucks all ass, my reaction tends to be, “Fair enough. Let’s talk about the writers you LIKE.” Not, “How absolute DARE?! You must be a Yankees fan if you don’t like Stephen King! I mean, it’s right there in the name! In this thesis I will…”
So let’s break it down, shall we?
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FIG 1. ENSHRINING MEDIOCRITY
Taylor Swift has a way with words. Sometimes. More often than the average American dickhead who gave up on the Cliff’s Notes to Animal Farm. But a good 9 times out of 10, reading her lyrics - especially since Folkmore went to her head - feels less like a peerless, cathartic demonstration of wordplay and more like an Intro to Creative Writing student spraying and praying with one hand on a thesaurus. (“I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care…” Miss Ma’am. Put the fountain pen on the floor and kick it over to me.)
Sure, everybody loves a good literary reference. “In Liverpool”, where Suzanne Vega alludes to Victor Hugo’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame while pondering unrequited (and possibly gay) love, is my Roman Empire. But Swift doesn’t explore or utilize literary devices. She drops them, like boldfaced names on TMZ. She feels so Gatsby tonight. Her good-for-nothing boyfriend = Peter Pan. Wordsworth was an English Romantic poet who liked to bum around the Lake District, so let’s shoehorn him into “The Lakes” as a ramshackle pun about HER writing prowess (thank fuck she left Beatrix Potter alone). She knows these works exist, but she’s TELLING us she does, rather than SHOWING us.
Her lyricism is inconsistent, her references are anti-dimensional, her instrumentals sound like AI versions of previous artists, her “genre-hops” are formulaic, her singing is meh, and she dances like a preschooler clomping around in mommy’s heels. But at least she plays piano and guitar at a low-intermediate level. This is the only person holding 4 Album of the Year Grammys? Out of every other band and artist living, dead, or undead? Fuck that for a laugh.
(Short break to remind myself that Can’t Slow Down beat Purple Rain, Born in the USA, She’s So Unusual, and Private Dancer in 1985. Same as it ever was, really.)
My intention is not to discredit who she is or “what she’s been through” [dismissive wanking gesture]. I just don’t consider “...you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon…” a simile that necessitates a whole-ass branded tunic on Christ the Redeemer. Hell, I wouldn’t even project a salute to the aforementioned Suzanne Vega on a national landmark, and I think her lyricism absolutely BODIES Ms. Swift’s.
To more modern, mainstream effect, there's something so sharp and satisfying about Olivia Rodrigo's music. While not compulsively polysyllabic, her lyrics captivate me with their seething wit and disheveled beauty. Her emotions are dysfunctional without giving you narcissistic whiplash; they create an almost kintsugi effect within the thru-line of the songs, fusing the tragedy, setbacks, and self-deprecation whole with golden veins. I love laughing my ass off to “get him back!’, sprinting through a sunsoaked Appalachian meadow in my head to ‘Can’t Catch Me Now’, and reliving the outset of my romance with my husband to “so American”. Her 90s pop-punk sonic homage is a breath of fresh air, too.
I've yet to hear a Taylor Swift song where she isn't WHINING about something, and I’ve choked down a LOT of her songs just to be informed. Her entire discography reminds me of the final scene from Interview With the Vampire 1994. “Still WHINING, Louis! Have you heard enough? I've had to listen to that for centuries.”
On and on the pity party drones until eventually, no matter how many ornate literary devices she springs on us, Swift outs herself as no deeper than a damp floor. If she learned to economize the bells and whistles and reach beyond her own experience, she might be onto something. There’s a reason Toni Morrison is a legend and VC Andrews is a hack.
This doesn’t mean TS shouldn’t have a successful music career. Or that glitter gel-pen media with a predominantly female audience deserves to be dragged through the cesspool where society once stood. (Ask me how many times I listen to Debbie Gibson’s first two albums inside a calendar year - hint, more than zero.) But I swear to fuck, if I see the word ‘relatable’ used as quality control ONE MORE TIME, I will vomit the entire Nicholas Sparks bibliography. Are we so collectively insecure and empathetically bankrupt nowadays that we can’t engage with an artist unless we want to wear their skin? Does every performer or character need to function as an all-purpose self-insert? Does the winning formula absolutely have to be ‘Literally Me”? This has to be why Black excellence keeps falling by the wayside so the human Barbie doll - complete with interchangeable identities she dons and sheds like fashion plates - can placate her ego with another trophy. Yeah, I’m still sore about SOS and TPAB losing AOTY. (If you don’t recognise those acronyms, ask Google.) The connective tissue between ‘I’d rather have a beer with Donald Trump than Hillary Clinton’ and ‘Taylor Swift is a better mirrorball than Janelle Monae’ is thicker than the volumes of literature TS skimmed while ditching Tom Hiddleston to snoop around Joe Alwyn’s flat.
Don’t get it twisted; I’m all for sisterhood in song, finding parallels of my own experience in a woman’s work. But MUST my inner voice belong to Taylor Swift? Can’t I prefer Tori Amos or TLC or even Olivia Rodrigo? Because I’m not a skinny Aryan poster girl whose rich parents Veruca Salted (the character, not the band) and Tonya Hardinged my way out of every first-world problem and into a stupidly successful career where my only setbacks are breakups and one-sided beefs.
Also, what’s with this theory that lyrics and the ability to write your own are the end-all-be-all of music? Are compositions a joke to you? When you get a moment, listen to my all-time favourite symphony, The Planets by Gustav Holst. Bitchin, huh? Don’t mention it.
Hot take, but as a public figure, Swift has a lot more in common with her archnemesis Kim Kardashian than her idol Lana Del Rey, and I suspect that’s chief among reasons she keeps disturbing the Kimye grave.
(Oh, hey, if you’re that dweeb I’ve seen on YouTube spamming every other comment with your essay on why Taylor Swift is the best singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist due to the units she’s sold and the records she holds…I wish a motherfucker would.)
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FIG 2. WE DON’T NEED NO GENTRIFIED FEMINISM
Okay. I have a complexion like a fresh stick of chalk, resulting from a family tree full of Scottish libertines and southern Appalachian hill trash. Therefore, I don’t want to get too deep in the weeds of a topic that concerns the experiences of marginalized people. So instead of running my mouth on the meaning of ‘white feminism’ and its insidious cause/ effect process, I’ll urge you to seek out books and essays by more qualified people.
“Hood Feminism” by Mikki Kendall is a great place to start. See also “White Tears/ Brown Scars” by Ruby Hamad, and “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race” by Reni Eddo-Lodge.
One of the most frustrating things about the inescapable Taylor Swift phenomenon is how her brand and her disciples have perverted feminism. It's now a whitewashed, focus-grouped shadow of itself, used only to shield Swift, and Swift alone, from criticism and her own mediocrity.
Swift really is the perfect symbol of white supremacy, whether or not she wishes to be. Her virtues are blown way out of proportion, and her wrongdoings are swept under the rug with a litany of excuses. Coddled and deified by the same entities that condemn and demonize her Black peers for the same shit. I’m reminded of how, in my home country (USA), a white gunman is a product of a broken home or untreated mental illness, while a Black or brown one represents the corruption of a whole community. Concurrently, when a white woman plays by the patriarchy’s rules and wins, or donates pocket change from her net worth to a few non-partisan causes like staff bonuses or soup kitchens, she’s held up as a paragon of righteousness. But when her stan club harasses one of her presumed nemeses to the brink of a nervous breakdown, or when a concertgoer at one of her Latin American shows dies of dehydration (RIP Ana Clara Benevides), everyone runs to console and absolve HER. It wasn't her fault, she had no power, how could she have known?
“Profoundly unsympathetic underdog”, as I read somewhere, is probably the best way to put it. Has she suffered from the slings and arrows of misogyny? Well, duh. She’s a woman at the top of an industry right slap-ass in the middle of a capitalist hellscape that, to this day, is still dominated by men. Men with a lot more dough and behind-the-scenes influence than she could ever dream of. But she doesn’t want to dismantle the system. She wants to bend it to her will and win it - even if that means cheating. Which is all well and good for her, but at the end of the day, she’s another fuckass oligarch. She’s a dragon in woman form like a reject from Earthsea, gorging on numbers to fill the empty howling void in her soul, tossing crumbs and scraps down to the masses.
She’s not a feminist so much as a Swiftist.
Ironically, Swift’s “feminism” revolves around men, because it’s feminism as interpreted by men. Powerful women using the patriarchy against itself, rather than bulldozing it for the good of humanity.
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FIG 3. PROFESSIONAL CHARACTER ASSASSIN
Do I consider Taylor Swift an actual Batman villain of a person? Nah. I'm sure she's perfectly nice if you don't look too closely or set off any tripwires. In general, she’s probably not half the psychological sadist her father is or her disciples can be. She's got a long way to go before catching up to the likes of Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch, or Andrew Tate. But that's just it - everyone outside the fold recognises the minions of that dark triad as pathetic at best and actively dangerous at worst.
The systemic coddling and infantilization of white women refuses to acknowledge the harm they can cause by gathering a mob with a common assigned enemy. And, having stuffed her cult’s heads full of subliminal tabloid fodder, Taylor has ensured that every time she performs an Invasion of the Bodysnatchers point-and-screech in a rival’s direction, that person’s about to have a bad week. Doesn’t matter if the vitriol is one-sided.
When I consider the full front to back of Taylor’s “lore”, what forms in my mind is the story of a victim, or self-proclaimed victim, who considers a villain arc aspirational. You know, a surly ninth-grader’s idea of justice. Enabled by her fans, who’ve declared Swift’s lyrics gospel, her easter eggs a call to arms against anyone who’s earned so much as a side-eye from her.
And does she call them off? Does she fuck.
Joe Alwyn’s reputation went to hell on an inside track for (checks notes) possibly mismanaging his depression? (Also, everyone involved in the mass unfollowing stunt is tacky and I hate them. That includes you, Ryan Reynolds. You're closer to 50 than 25, with four kids at home, acting like a second string shortstop trying to impress the head cheerleader. Knock it off.)
Katy Perry found herself soaked with pig blood in a public square for either rehiring a couple of dancers after they quit Taylor's tour, or briefly dating John Mayer. Depending on who you ask.
Jake Gyllenhaal was the target of a harassment campaign perpetuated by Swifties, fellow celebrities, and even goddamn CONSUMER BRANDS for, I dunno, acting kinda like a fuckboy eleven years prior? Realizing, perhaps too late, that he and Taylor were incompatible as romantic partners? Either way, I'm more freaked out by the gratuitous shots fired at his sister, girlfriend, godmother, and teenage niece. Let's put a pin in that for now, though.
Antonia Gentry, a biracial actress known for her role in Netflix’s Ginny and Georgia, took a heaping helping of abuse, garnished with a generous dollop of racial slurs. All because Swift got bent out of shape over a throwaway line delivered by Gentry’s character because it painted Swift’s dating habits in a bad light. It must needs be said that Gentry did not write or improvise this line of dialogue, she merely read it. We'll put a pin in that, too.
Scooter Braun can kick rocks in glass socks, but he was right about one thing. Taylor should have faced him down her damn self, instead of siccing her stan club on him…and his family. Put a pin in it.
Kim Kardashian - well, shit. The last thing I ever thought I’d do is defend a Jennerdashian, and my stance on Snakegate has been ESH from jump street. But after all Taylor’s posturing about her nemeses defeating themselves before she can take a swing, she didn’t hesitate to directly name and shame Kim in a recent song. Or use Kim’s daughter as an insult to her lyrical injury. Put a pin in it.
Look, no-one enjoys a failed or toxic relationship. Or waking up with a target on their back. I spent nearly a decade with an authentic psychopath who at one point (I kid you not) accused me of cheating on him WITH A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. So fuck his dreams, but even with the worst of what he did to me in play - and rest assured, it was some Ari Aster shit - I wouldn't want to see him at the bottom of a John Mayer dogpile. Mostly because he has loved ones who shouldn't end up as collateral damage.
Back in 1988, the late Oscar-winning SFX titan Stan Winston (Terminator, Jurassic Park) made his directorial debut with a cult classic supernatural folk-horror called Pumpkinhead. The plot centres around a father named Ed Harley (B-movie legend Lance Henriksen) summoning a demon to avenge his son against a group of “cityfolk”.
Why bring up that old VHS throwback? Well. Revenge films have been a staple since the medium began, but Pumpkinhead is one of the few that shows the dark side of vigilante justice. People love a settled score. But most stories only show the boomerang effect from the offender to the avenger. Pumpkinhead broadens that viewfinder to show the pyrrhic nature of revenge, especially revenge served scalding hot, using familiar genre devices to demonstrate the victim’s torment, the cyclical trap of it all, and - most importantly - the innocent bystanders catching strays. You think you’re wishing on a star, when you’re really wishing on a monkey’s paw.
That’s why I said to put a pin in that list of Taylor’s Undesirables. It’s never just the person who (sometimes debatably) did her dirty. There’s plenty of ‘female rage’ for their associates, too - sometimes with those associates, ex. Antonia Gentry, taking the force of the blow. But unlike poor Ed Harley, Taylor has accumulated too much money and power to face any real consequences.
It’s much easier to contain a narrative in art than it is in real life.
(PS: That sidelong smirk she does gives me the willies. Just me? Possibly. BEC? Totally.)
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FIG 4. FUNDAMENTALIST SWIFTISM (THIS ONE’S PERSONAL)
I was born in southern Appalachia, in one of North Carolina’s most objectively beautiful cities. Unfortunately, I grew up in a rural, redneck town of just over 1,000, where the locals shared two cinema screens and maybe seven surnames.
And though mine was a mostly secular (Methodist) household full of Jimmy Carter Democrats, I couldn’t go a day without someone on the outside telling me that something I loved was a sin. I was the unwilling congregation for cautionary sermons about everything from Stephen King to Dirty Dancing to a fucking side ponytail in my hair (apparently it evoked Madonna, and that was a Bad Thing). Politically, it was standing water trash. My social studies education consisted mostly of Confederate-apologist kitsch and Red Scare Sovietcore. One of my fifth grade teachers spewed anti-choice rhetoric in class, and two years later, another one literally said, ‘Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’.
For context, like I said: raised by liberals, if not full-tilt leftists. My maternal grandfather was a hometown civil rights activist who ran an integrated workplace and campaigned for JFK. My mother’s friend confided to her (and only her), at the peak of HIV stigma, that her son was dying of AIDS. I remember asking Mom when I was 5 why movies only showed ladies kissing men and not men kissing men or ladies kissing ladies. Her answer: “I don’t know, baby, because it happens all the time in real life.” One of my paternal uncles was a drag performer in his 20s (which would have been between 1966-1976), and once my cycle kicked in, I was lectured THOROUGHLY about birth control and reproductive rights. I was lucky - at home. Outside, it was an ideological wasteland, fire to the left of me, brimstone to the right of me, God, guns, and “guts” waiting to nudge anyone who strayed from the formula back in line. So traumatized for merely wanting to wear fun makeup and clothes, watch A Nightmare on Elm Street, listen to Prince, and walk among neon lights with an urban skyline looming overhead like an enchanted forest, I became rebellious as fuck in my adolescence. I had a witch phase, a zen phase, and a militant agnostic phase. I’d overhear myself saying controversial shit (controversial by local standards) in a neverending campaign to push the born-against as far away from me as possible. Please don’t pray for me, I’d silently plead. Please think I’m a lost cause.
But it’s cool. I moved back to my birthplace in 1999, and clear across the Atlantic in 2016. (Plus the 9 years I spent in New England, but we don’t talk about that.) And I’m seeing a therapist about my psychological dysfunction - PTSD, depression, severe social anxiety, the usual.
Thanks to nearly two decades in this Gilead-coded environment, though, I have a near-phobic aversion to groupthink. I especially despise blind hero worship (due, I suspect, to the evangelical code of honouring God with every choice), and when matters of opinion are presented as fact. It pisses me off when Trumpnecks uproot the goalposts and plant them right in their eye sockets at their messiah's every misstep, and it pissed me off when the BernieBros tried to wreck my shit for backing a different Democrat (no shade to Bernie - he's probably one of the best social navigators America could ask for).
Taylor’s press is sounding less like journalism, even popcorn tabloid “journalism” in inverted commas, and more like nationalist propaganda. She stimulates economies (all sold-out stadium events do)! She’s broken another record (by rigging a broken system)! She eats ranch dressing (bitch, my BFF wrote a SONNET about ranch dressing when we were in junior high - that ain’t special)! She’s single-handedly carrying the music industry on her back (by toying with her fans and weaponizing FOMO)! ALL HAIL! It’s giving Straight Out of North Korea.
But as soon as you dare mention that some of this doesn’t sit right in your soul…chaos. You’re just looking for shit to be mad about because you hate “fun music” and “successful women”. Prison. Solitary confinement. Electric chair.
I have experienced no-shit panic attacks thinking about all the cults of personality that have cropped up over the past decade, okay? Whether Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Elon Musk, or Taylor Swift…they are all symptoms of a terrifying social disorder. Once we were drowning in information while thirsting for knowledge; now combine that with a riptide of tinfoil milliners and hyperpartisan news outlets. Communities have deteriorated, so we create them online using public figures and their open-ended manifestos, our capacity for independent and nuanced thought shriveling into a MAGA-hat shaped echo chamber screaming into a billionaire-branded, corporate-sponsored void.
Is this what Beatlemania was like? I can’t say for sure; I wasn’t there. But much as I appreciate The Beatles (while acknowledging the shady shit still stinking up certain corners of their empire), I can absolutely sympathize with people who maybe didn’t want the music crammed down their throats and the lore shoved up their asses.
“Let people enjoy things.” Let them be skeptical about things, too, and you’ve got a deal.
What frustrates me isn't that I don't like her, or that others do, but that so many of them won't allow anyone to dislike her in peace.
That's how I ended up here, at this desktop, downloading backlogged grievances to a Google.doc file.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.
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FIG 5. ELEVENTH HOUR TRAILBLAZER (WITH A SIZE 500 CARBON FOOTPRINT)
Let's get serious. Most of our faves are problematic. I love HP Lovecraft's literary universe; he's a racist wad of dick. I love the way Margaret Atwood dissects her characters and serves them up on a silver platter with a parsley garnish; she's a bleach-white feminist and probably a goddamn TERF. I'd probably loathe Frank Zappa if he were alive today, even though I know passages from his autobiography by heart.
You don't have to steamroll your TS merch on Main to accept the fact that as an activist, she has all the conviction of Boy George checking the resale value of a contradiction before the Karma Chameleon gets home.
And that's fine, or it would be, if her aforementioned propaganda team hadn't successfully executed a Jedi mind trick to make the media go, “Taylor Swift - Joan Baez literally wishes.”
Anyone can tweet “Black Lives Matter” a few times, and I'm pretty sure my Boomer mother posted “Why be mad, when you can be GLAAD?” on Facebook circa June 2013. The only appreciable difference between Taylor Swift’s low-effort, low-stakes activism and some rando in Eugene, Oregon tweeting (I refuse to call it X) a picture of their brand new rainbow Stanley cup is the whole world keeps waiting for Tay Tay and her money to talk over the stamping onstage power-walk of her bullshit. And if she's got nothing to say, then by god we'll put the words in her mouth. Because with her unthreatening good looks and Disney princess energy, she makes a perfect false idol for neoliberals and a perfect boogeyman for the unhinged right.
So it goes. Over and over again. Once you win capitalism, you can make people believe whatever you want them to. Championing LGBTQ+ rights in the glossiest, most favourable environment possible makes TS a hero right up there with Captain America, but her manic zigzags across the planet in her private jet(s) are NBD.
Dolly Parton gets away with being politically milquetoast because (I’m inclined to think) she genuinely wants to provide a seat at the table for everyone. Not so the whole world will spend a weekend in Pigeon Forge - though I'm sure that's a strong incentive - but because she was raised with that as a guiding principle. Taylor's only principle seems to be waving her distended bank account under our faces and barking, ‘Fill ‘er up!” Also if you talk shit about her, you're not a girl's girl. Girl's girls push their successors down the stairs while buying and selling the rights to female rage. Because as a wise YouTuber one said, “My problems, my problems, my problems, MY PAIN!”
Sometimes I get the impression that Taylor Swift doesn’t want to BE an activist so much as she wants us to THINK she’s an activist. The public perception of HER matters more than urging that public to help her leave the world a better place than when she found it.
Not everyone is, or wants to be, an activist. Not everyone has that fire in their belly. I can dig it. But activism should not be a cosplay you wear to WokeCon for a single album cycle; it's a bit to which you need to commit.
Especially if you have no problem bringing a ruckus to protect your sanctified public image.
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FIG 6. SHE DRINKS YOUR MILKSHAKE
“Billboard gamer
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Fu-fu-fu-fuck off, fu-fu-fuck off…”
But for real, some of y'all need to stop approaching music stats like the NBA playoffs. Because I'm telling you straight up and down, if Taylor Swift were on the NY Liberty, she'd be what's known as a ball hog.
“She is the music industry” is not a flex. It's an indictment and manifesto of our own cynical capitalist dystopia. It's the mission statement of an ‘artist’ who can't seem to create without the intent of destruction. It's a slap in the face to musicians who match Swift's work ethic and far exceed her talent, but lack her bloodthirsty cult and cutthroat PR machine. It’s the language of monopoly - doesn’t matter if Swift dominates 90% of the musical market, charts, and records, so long as that wayward 10 is still out there.
Every time Taylor Swift copies another artist’s homework and makes their reality impossible to disentangle from her image, I feel the same sense of weary dread as when Disney buys up another movie studio. Except worse, because a lot of those studios are multinational corporations in their own right, probably direct beneficiaries of Citizens United living off the crops planted by Reaganomics. It’s easy to be facetious and say they had it coming.
But given everything she’s come to symbolize in the public eye, it’s hard to unsee TS as a huge multinational corporation gobbling up rising artists and their chosen niches like a deranged Ms. Pac-Man who keeps doubling back in the maze when she should go forward.
It's almost as if she's trying to create an environment where there's no need to listen to any other artist, because she can do it all. Even be “The Man™”! (Though she mostly targets younger women.) And if you don’t like the current era, where are you going? Pay no attention to that small indie artist - just wait for her to jack their style! Sad Girl Synth/ Witch in the Woodscore/ Bell Jar Chic coming right up!

Plus, when she’s not coal-mining her peers for ‘aesthetics’ to add to her brand once it’s safe to do so, she’s barging in on their album releases with new variants, surprise releases, ANYTHING to prevent our attention from diverting from her for the length of ten or fifteen songs.
And it’s happened too often and with too much synchronicity to be a coincidence. Restoring her catalog to Spotify on the release date of Katy Perry’s Witness. Dropping new variants of Midnights to block SZA from the top spot. And now trying to open the same expired can of whoopass on Billie Eilish, an artist as renowned by her industry peers as Taylor is by the mouth-breathing masses.
Even her “supportive dancing” at awards shows…it’s cute at first, until you realize it’s blatant camera-pan bait to bring attention back to her.
This is not “good business”. It’s a hostile work environment.
Obviously, high-profile artists siphoning trends from more obscure ones has been how the music industry establishes hierarchy and ratfucks the vanguard for decades. You - rightfully - can’t bring up Elvis Presley nowadays without mentioning Big Mama Thornton (and you owe it to yourself to listen to her original version of “Hound Dog”, because whoa, nelly). But Taylor Swift is hiding her chicanery in plain sight, ripping her peers off and shutting them down brazen as anything, and it’s hard not to wonder how much time will transpire before we can call her on it without being branded heretics.
No-one really talks about it, but IMO, one of her most grimdark acts of sabotage was releasing “Cruel Summer”, a five-year old song that wasn’t even a re-record, on the same day Olivia Rodrigo dropped “Vampire”, the debut single for her sophomore album. “Cruel Summer”, in case you haven’t seen a Taylor Swift evidence board lately, is the reason Olivia is now stuck paying a substantial chunk of “deja vu”’s royalties to TS and her cronies. I’m not saying Taylor’s team chose that song on purpose, to intimidate a (former) fangirl literally 13 years her junior, but I put nothing past no-one.
Success is so much more rewarding when it's not a zero-sum game. Call me a musical Marxist, but I want to celebrate a motley crew of talented artists rising in and out of the top 10 like melodic fireworks, not one grifting normie shithead perched indefinitely at the summit, yanking up Jacob’s ladder rung by rung.
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FIG 7. IN THIS ECONOMY?
One album, one deluxe edition. That's a god's plenty, especially vis a vis physical media. If you release more than that, you're an asshole, and if you buy more than that, you're a sucker. I will not be taking questions at this time.
No, it isn't just a Taylor Swift problem - far from it. But she is currently the head of a rabid and venomous kaiju run amok across a mortally wounded planet.
And the merch, my esteemed chaotic neutrals, is just too ass to mention.
While we're at it, eat the rich. Most of them. At least leave the bones of billionaires on the lawns of multimillionaires as a warning.
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And where - apart from the hate campaigns - do her hapless paramours fit in all of this? Beats me. The truth is, I don’t give a single solitary fuck about celebrities in the wild, unless they do something incredibly wholesome (Pedro Pascal celebrating his trans sister) or remarkably stupid (Puff Daddy). And despite all the pictures I’ve seen against my will, I wouldn’t recognize Travis Kelce or Matty Healy if they walked right up to me. First of all, I despise the NFL; I’m a baseball/ basketball/ hockey fan. And The 1975’s music, to me, just sounds like yacht rock if the yacht were caked in cocaine and bodily fluids. I know that Matty Healy once mentioned shucking his corn to a certain racist sex-trafficking website. And whether or not he meant it as a joke, it was gross and WoC have every right to have a bone to pick with him - and with Taylor.
For real, though, I look at her body count and all I see is a succession of nondescript white dudes. The only one who stands out to me is Gyllenhaal, and that’s because I’ve been a fan of him and his sister as actors for 20+ years. So her dating history has never been a point of contention or even interest for me.
The long and the short of it is, I'd have no quarrel with Taylor Swift if she were just taking up space as a successful singer-songwriter processing her emotions through her music. We could peacefully co-exist if LITERALLY EVERYBODY were not expected to not only give a fuck about her, but forsake all others unto her and her sanctified narrative. Sorry, my sister in Christ, but I'm an atheist.
And yes, I'd say every syllable of this with my whole chest and my pussy facing the world if Blandie were A MAN. So don't even get on that tip.
Go forth and have the day you deserve, from the depths of my last nerve.