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My (29F) husband (40M) wants to sell our family home. What do I do?
Hi Reddit,
I'm in need of some advice regarding my current marital situation and the potential sale of our home. To give you the full picture, I'll start from the beginning. Apologies for the length, but I feel all the details are necessary to understand the context.
I (29F) met my husband (40M) on Tinder four years ago. We dated for about eight months when my family had an opportunity to purchase a property. My then-boyfriend was also looking to be involved in a business deal of that sort, and he was interested in having his name on the property as well. My father supported this, seeing as how my boyfriend was a physician with a good income, and saw this as a way to bring him closer to our family. The opportunity came quickly, and we all signed the contract to purchase the house.
Trouble began shortly after this. My boyfriend requested that only he and I be on the title of the house, removing the rest of my family, as he saw a future with us and envisioned it as our potential family home. My father was very pleased to hear this and supported it, so we obliged. During this time, the property had increased in value, and I requested the other family members be paid off so we could buy out their shares. My boyfriend declined, feeling it was unfair.
To skim over some details, here are the highlights of the construction: My boyfriend paid more for the down payment than we initially realized would be required. Because of this, he paid no further construction costs. The construction proceeded with debt from my family until the construction loans came through. My family paid for the construction, and my father built the house for us without charging for his management services. My father was displeased with my boyfriend’s behavior and required him to pay more money for the construction due to inflation and the COVID shutdown. My boyfriend declined, and my mother and I secretly took out a line of credit to front the construction costs to my father, pretending it was from my boyfriend. Eventually, as we got the construction loans on a rolling basis after meeting construction milestones, my mother’s line of credit was paid off.
During this time, my family and I wondered why my boyfriend had not proposed. I decided that if he hadn't proposed by a certain time, I would leave him. Fortunately, he did propose on Valentine’s Day 2022. By spring of 2022, construction was coming to an end, and it was time for us to settle into the house. My fiancé felt uncomfortable with how much money he had put into the house and was worried I could leave him and make a profit. I promised him I wouldn’t leave him, but it wasn’t enough. He said he would believe me if I had a child with him, otherwise women would leave men if there were no ties. I told him I would have a child with him right when we got married. He suggested I come off birth control, as it takes months for a woman’s cycle to normalize after being on birth control for many years. I promised him I would come off birth control.
Coming off birth control was more stressful than I realized. I was very hormonal, breaking out, and felt unlike myself. This contributed to my fiancé and I fighting more than usual. In one particularly heated fight, I told him I would go back on birth control and even purchased the pills, but he told me he would break up with me if I did because he wanted to get to know the real me. I conceded, and then something switched in me and I became excited at the possibility of having a baby. I started tracking my cycle and figuring out my ovulation days. I shared this with my fiancé, and on one of those days, we got pregnant. I didn’t find out until the end of summer 2022. When I did find out, I told my fiancé and suggested we should probably get married.
My fiancé's first response was that we should wait to see if the baby sticks, and if it does, then we can plan a marriage but he wanted to wait until February 2023. I was very disappointed and angry and yelled at him. I felt alone and overwhelmed by the thought of having an illegitimate child. After discussing potentially getting an abortion, potentially breaking up, and potentially selling the house, I talked my fiancé into keeping the baby and getting married. He also wanted to keep the baby but was afraid of our situation. After many fights about when to have the wedding, we finally decided on December 2022. At that point, I was four months pregnant. During this time, my fiancé and I had major arguments that therapy couldn’t even remedy. We would yell at each other, slam doors, I would cry, and he would hold himself up in a room for hours. We had nice moments too, but they were heavily clouded over by the bad.
Finally, we got married, and things were good for a while. But then we faced some marital problems. My husband kept separate accounts and managed the finances himself. We had a joint credit card where I could pay for expenses without being questioned. He made all of the major investment decisions and major purchases. If I tried to disagree or speak up, he would get upset because this was not the submissive wife I had promised him I would be. I made significantly less money than him but lived a good lifestyle, buying almost anything I wanted within reason. Coming from a traditional family, I was upset that finances were kept separate. And so it continued that my husband would invest tens of thousands of dollars into our house so that his family from out of town would visit. We live in Vancouver, Canada, but his family is from Ottawa. In hopes of luring his youngest sister (of four) to Vancouver, my husband would make any modification to the house that his youngest sister showed the slightest interest in. This included a hot tub on the rooftop, a media system in the basement, a movie projector, and much more. After said sister got married, she made it clear that she would not move to Vancouver. Then a switch happened in my husband, and he suddenly wanted to sell the house.
Meanwhile, during all this time, I had my baby, and my husband and I were still fighting more than ever. I felt no support from him, and he felt drained by his work, our fights, and being away from his family. Recently, for the past three months, he has been consistently pushing for the sale of our house. This is where my dilemma lies. I am afraid to sell this house because my husband has kept finances separate, and the mortgage on this house has been serving as a way for me to feel secure. My husband contributes a monthly amount on a regular basis. He could have forced a sale in the past but didn’t, instead paying into the monthly mortgage on top of other bills. Now, he is considering forcing the sale of our house, but I am upset that he is citing financing as the issue when I have been begging him to save money instead of spending (his response is that $200,000 does not affect a $2M mortgage, and that he now feels burnt out and wants to retire sooner and live passively). If I agree to sell, I feel unstable about moving from our home given that my husband and I fight so frequently, and I am left alone to take care of the child. It is also worth noting that my parents live right across the street and come over frequently to help with the child, or I would go over to seek their help. My husband says that he feels abandoned and uncomfortable frequently because of our proximity to my parents, but I feel it’s only been helpful because there have been times when I felt truly alone, and my parents were my only solace and support. My husband would ignore me for days, especially when I was postpartum and vulnerable. My parents now see my husband as someone who doesn’t put his wife and child first. My husband says that the massive mortgage we have is too stressful for him, and he can’t take that burden. I am sad that my husband will not consider keeping this house for another three years so that I can get comfortable with the idea of selling the house and that potentially I and my family can all move to Ottawa so that we can allow my husband to be closer to his family. My husband says that he’s tired of the mortgage and feeling forced to work and missing out on spending time with our daughter (his job is very high stress).
I don’t know what to do at this point, Reddit. I’m currently on extended maternity leave, but it ends in six months. My husband and I will have to come to an agreement about the house, otherwise, it is likely that he will force the sale of the house even if I’m not ready to move. I’ve consistently felt rushed and overlooked in this relationship. I am tired of being the small voice that does not impact decision-making. My husband is now being nice to me and trying to show me a good time, but I see it as him turning on his charming mode so that I can say yes to the sale of this house. I’m not sure what to do. Our fights and disagreements are so bad and the marriage feels like doom sometimes (never any physical violence). I sometimes questions even staying with him, but I worry for my daughter. I’m afraid of her being an only child of divorce; I imagine it’ll be lonely and emotionally traumatizing. He is a good father to her, even though he is cold (but civil) with me.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR:
I need advice. I met my husband four years ago, and we bought a house together with my family's help. Financial disputes caused issues. Despite getting married and having a baby, we fight often. My husband handles our finances separately, spent a lot on the house, but now wants to sell it. I feel insecure about selling because the mortgage is like an investment to me, and also I rely on my parents, who live nearby, for help with our child. My husband feels stressed by the mortgage and feels homesick for his family 3000km away. I feel overlooked in decision-making and am unsure whether to agree to the sale, or to stand my ground and not sell. Sometimes I question staying in the marriage for my daughter’s sake, or is it better give up on this unhappy marriage.

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I Posted Here Before
I Love A Woman F22 - Sent Her Marriage Proposal 2 Years Ago Which Her Parents Accepted
She's from a Broken Family - Both Parents Are Narcissist Fight Each Other Every Day - Her Brother Tried to Sexually Assault Her
She Left Her Home & Start Living With Her Sister Who Live in My City - I Did Not Let Her Job Because She Had No Qualification
I Financially Provided for her 1 Year ( Apartment Rent - Food - Bills - Shopping - Etc )
I Love Her A Lot - Therefore I Did the Best I Can
Fast Forward After 1 Year - Her Elder Sister Who Don't Like Me Out of Jealousy Because of What I Did for My Girlfriend Manipulated Her Behind My Back And Destroyed Our Relationship
I had 1 Rough Month Where I Failed to Provide for My GF - Her Sister Gave Her Number of Some Other Guy And Make Her Talk to Him And She End Up Liking Him
She's Very Immature And Trust/Love Her Sister More Than Anything - But I As 3rd Person Can Clearly See Her Sister Don't Like Us Together Because of Her Own Insecurity ( Her Sister is 35 Year Old Single Mother - Her Husband Left Her After 1 Year Because of Her Trash Personality )
We Had 2 Year Relationship ( 1 Year Long Distance - 1 Year in My City - Know Her Since Childhood Because She's Daughter of Father Friend ) - She Were Never Like That But Her Sister Bad Influence Completely Changed Her
After I Leave Her - She Had to Face the Consequences of Her Action By Working In Restaurant As A Waittress On Minimum Wage for 12Hour+ Shift Because She Have No Qualification
No Man Provided for Her ( I'm the only fool who did it )
I Cut Contact With Her for 8 Months - She Return Back Last Year December And Begged Me to Take Her Back
I Rejected Her But She Keep Doing it for 2 Months Straight - At Last I Gave Her Final Chance
We Had 3 Great Months Together But One Day She Fight Me On Some Dumb Thing And Broke Up
Its Been 1 Month Since - After Breaking Up With Me She Again Started Talking to That Guy Whose Number Her Sister Gave to Her , He's A Married Man With Children
I Met Her Few Days Ago - She Told Me She Broke Up Because I'm Not Setting the Marriage Date ( We Were Going to Marry After My Graduation in This Winter )
So Basically She Emotionally Manipulating Again Which 100% Adviced By Her Sister
But I Don't Want Her Now - I Disgusted By Her
She Betrayed Me Last Time - I Gave Her Last Chance to See if She Changed or Not - I Was Going to Marry her if I Saw Changes Till Winter
I Don't Want Her Now - I Just Want to Move On - I Don't Trust Her
But its Hard to Move On - I Invested 3 Years of My Life , Emotions , 2000$ Financially - All of This Making it Very Hard to Move On
Any One Who Had Some Similar Experience & Move On ???

9 months ago, on a Saturday evening, I finally left my toxic family home. I had just come home from uni (masters) and I was 1 hour late from my curfew which was usually at 17h30. I am 30 years old, I have a decent job. I left home because of my mother, she is an outstanding other, a great mother if I may, but she never let me have autonomy, she never let me live life as if it was my own. down to the clothes, shoes, hairstyle, everything she had to approve first. she hated all my friends, she never let me date, she always got mad whenever i would receive a call while at home and she would be maaaaad if I stepped away from the call. I felt suffocated and had no choice but to leave. she is an overprotective parent who never allowed me to make my own decisions, down to what I studied and majored in in Uni. whenever she get upset she speaks really harsh words and she would beat me up so bad, strangle me, spit in my face, insult me sexually insults against father. And do not get me wrong, i have fallen short many many times i have been the best daughter, i am human and never claimed to be perfect, however, one's past mistakes should never be a life sentence. She has had a tough life in her marriage, father has been a horrible husband, his family was horrible towards her, i feel for her, however, it is so much emotional baggage for me to carry and be her punching and yelling bag whenever she gets riled up. i am going through resentment and grief emotions. i know i am portrayed as an ungrateful and stone cold daughter, but I promise you I haven't felt any better since leaving, my anxiety is healed, i no longer have severe stutter it's gradually healing. i'd like to know if there are any other african adult children (living in africa) who went no contact with family members.

15 ish years ago I was engaged to be married to who I thought was the love of my life. I simply worshipped her. Although my feelings for her have faded, and I have a family and a wonderful life, what she did at the break up just keeps hurting. My fiancé at the time, Youle, and I were looking at venues for our marriage and we had decided on one. The signed contract for the place was due on a Friday. I had signed mine and faxed it to the venue she needed to sign hers. I called to remind her and she said she sent it on the due date. Over that weekend she went to an arts festival, I had started a new job and I could not come. That weekend she essentially ghosted me, I got angry, I only wanted a “hey i’m okay” nothing major. Well we had a fight about the fact I had no idea if she was okay and she said “everything with us has changed” I still to this day don’t understand what she meant (I mean I still can’t see a sign in my memory that “things had changed between us”, there was no warning signs or red flags). So on monday (after the venue contract was due which was non cancelable and we would owe a deposit of 1k) She asks if she can use a check I had given her for emergencies because she could not pay rent. She cashed it for $300. All that week, she claimed to have a stomach Ache and wouldn’t talk to me for very long. Then on thursday, while I was driving to work she said she didn’t want to get married. I nearly crashed my car. She said we should talk, but she wanted to talk to her brother first. She made our break up official friday. She gave my money back, so she’s not a complete monster…Anyway, the next week I needed to cancel the venue and they informed me that she had never sent the signed contract and they had called her to phone and left a message the prior week. Anyway, the fact that she didn’t sign that contract 3 days prior to cashing my check haunts me to this day. A million questions run through my head, was she just hoping to stay with me until I forgot about the $300 the whole while she didn’t sign the venue? What was her plan? I think about this question every couple of months, and each time I do I get so angry… After some pleading the venue said because both parties did not sign they would not hold me liable for the deposit, but I still can’t let it go.

Hello Reddit community,
I'm a 26-year-old woman who has been dating my partner for a year now, and we've reached a point where discussions about marriage are on the table. However, we've hit a roadblock regarding our views on finances. While I envision having both personal and joint accounts after marriage, my partner is adamant about having only joint accounts. This has raised concerns for me about our compatibility in the long run.
Furthermore, my partner has been open about his past, revealing that he's dated 6-7 girls before me but wasn't serious about most of them, considering it a phase (This is my 2nd relationship). Initially, I didn't think much of it, valuing the present and his honesty. However, lately, I've been grappling with insecurities, wondering if I'll be any different or if our differing views and his past experiences will pose challenges in our relationship.
I'm emotionally invested in our relationship and want to marry him, but these doubts and fears are weighing heavily on me. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice on navigating these concerns? Any insights or perspectives would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Might sound a bit cliche but this thing is killing me right now and I need help. This is how the story goes. I dated a beautiful girl and life was perfect. We never fought and went along great. We decided to get married, involve our parents and all went well. But my constraint was that I had recently lost my dad and had to take control of our family business and our properties, which are situated in a small town. The girl offered to marry on the condition that I shift to a city nearby and manage everything remotely or by commuting. Which is understandable because she also had her career plans etc. We agreed to part ways then even this broke both of our hearts. Just after that, my family arranged for a match with another girl and I reluctantly agreed to get married. This girl is a beautiful and very down-to-earth person and I made myself believe that I'd be happy with her only because she was fine with staying in the village and keeping up with family responsibilities etc. And honestly, she is doing great and she loves me a lot. I couldn't wish for anything better than her. But the issue is that I'm not happy with her. There is no emotional connection, I can't hold deep conversations with her. And this is affecting both of us very deeply. The worst part is that it's not her fault and I'm going to break her heart by telling her all this. I miss my girlfriend so much now and keep regretting the mistake I made and how easily I let go of her. Had I fought just a bit harder how much happier I could have been now. I know what's done is done, but this is what is going on in my mind the whole day. I know I made the mistake of not thinking things through and making a decision in haste. Due to this I lost my real love and got stuck in an unhappy marriage. What should I do now?

Divorce problem solution in india The concept of marriage is often romanticized, with many of us envisioning a lifelong partnership filled with love, laughter, and happiness. However, for many individuals, marriage can be a complex and challenging journey, often fraught with difficulties and obstacles that can lead to divorce. In India, where the institution of marriage is deeply rooted in culture and tradition, the stigma surrounding divorce can be overwhelming, making it difficult for individuals to seek help and support. Despite the challenges, divorce can be a transformative opportunity for personal growth and renewal. In this comprehensive guide, we will delve into the complex issues surrounding divorce in India, exploring the reasons behind the soaring divorce rates, the laws and regulations surrounding divorce, and most importantly, the solutions and strategies for navigating the divorce process with ease and dignity. Whether you are considering divorce or have already gone through the process, this guide will provide you with the knowledge and support you need to emerge stronger and wiser, ready to take on the next chapter of your life.

1. Understanding the concept of divorce in India

In the vast and complex landscape of Indian society, the concept of divorce is a delicate and often misunderstood topic. Despite the country’s rich cultural heritage and strong family values, the institution of marriage is not immune to challenges and conflicts. As a result, divorce has become a reality that many couples in India face, often leaving them feeling lost, confused, and uncertain about the future. Divorce problem solution in india
In India, the concept of divorce is rooted in the Hindu Marriage Act, the Indian Divorce Act, and the Special Marriage Act, which govern the procedures and grounds for divorce. While the laws governing divorce in India are complex and varied, they share a common goal of providing a framework for couples to navigate the process of separation and move forward.
In recent years, the Indian society has undergone significant changes, and the traditional notion of marriage as a lifelong commitment is no longer the only reality. The increasing number of working women, changing social norms, and the growing awareness of individual rights and freedoms have all contributed to a shift in the way people view marriage and divorce.
As a result, couples in India are seeking more flexible and practical solutions to their marital problem, often seeking to dissolve their marriage through a quick and amicable divorce. In this guide, we will delve into the complexities of divorce in India, exploring the various laws, procedures, and solutions available to couples seeking to end their marriage.

1. The reasons behind the rise in divorce rates in India

In recent years, India has witnessed a significant surge in divorce rates, leaving many to ponder the underlying causes behind this phenomenon. According to the latest statistics, the divorce rate in India has increased by a staggering 40% over the past decade, with approximately 1.5 million divorces registered annually. This trend is not only reflective of the changing societal values and norms but also a manifestation of the pressing issues that couples in India are facing.
One of the primary reasons behind the rise in divorce rates is the increasing awareness of women’s rights and the growing willingness to stand up for their entitlements. As a result, women are now more empowered to seek divorce and assert their independence, rather than meekly accepting a miserable marriage. The rise of the feminist movement has also played a significant role in this shift, as women are now more confident in their ability to navigate the complexities of divorce and build a better life for themselves. Divorce problem solution in india
Another significant factor contributing to the rise in divorce rates is the increasing acceptance of divorce as a viable solution. Gone are the days when divorce was stigmatized and viewed as a taboo subject. Today, couples are more willing to acknowledge that marriage is not always a lifelong commitment, and that sometimes, it is necessary to take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship. Furthermore, the ease of obtaining a divorce through the courts, coupled with the growing availability of counseling services, has made it easier for couples to seek help and navigate the divorce process.
Lastly, the changing nature of work and family dynamics has also contributed to the rise in divorce rates. With both partners working outside the home and the increasing pressure to balance work and family responsibilities, the traditional nuclear family structure is no longer the norm. This has led to increased stress and tension, making it more challenging for couples to maintain a harmonious relationship.
In conclusion, the rise in divorce rates in India is a complex issue with multiple underlying causes. While it is essential to acknowledge the challenges faced by couples, it is also vital to recognize the growing empowerment of women and the increasing acceptance of divorce as a viable solution. By understanding the root causes of this trend, we can work towards creating a more supportive and accepting environment for couples to navigate the challenges of marriage and build stronger, more resilient relationships.

1. The legal framework for divorce in India

The legal framework for divorce in India is a complex and multifaceted entity, shaped by the country’s rich cultural heritage and the principles of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955. As the second most populous country in the world, India has a unique legal system that is influenced by Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and Parsi laws, making it essential to understand the nuances of divorce laws in each community. In India, divorce is governed by the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, the Indian Divorce Act, 1869, and the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act, 1936, among others. Divorce problem solution in india
The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, is the most widely applicable law, and it provides for the dissolution of a marriage on grounds such as adultery, cruelty, desertion, and conversion to another religion. However, the Act also requires that the couple has been living separately for at least two years or that the couple has been unable to live together due to differences, making it a lengthy and often contentious process. Similarly, the Indian Divorce Act, 1869, applies to Christians and provides for divorce on grounds such as adultery, desertion, and conversion to another religion.
In addition to these Acts, the Indian legal system also recognizes the concept of judicial separation, which is a temporary separation granted by the court, allowing the couple to live separately while still being married. This can be a vital step in the divorce process, as it provides an opportunity for the couple to re-evaluate their relationship and work towards reconciliation.
The legal framework for divorce in India is complex and varied, and understanding the nuances of each community’s laws is crucial for navigating the divorce process successfully. As a result, it is essential to consult with a qualified lawyer who is well-versed in Indian divorce laws and can guide individuals through the legal process, ensuring that their rights are protected and their interests are represented. Divorce problem solution in india

1. Types of divorce: contested vs. uncontested

When it comes to the process of divorce, one of the most crucial decisions that couples must make is whether to opt for a contested or uncontested divorce. In India, the law provides for two primary types of divorce, each with its own set of benefits and drawbacks. A contested divorce, also known as a litigated divorce, is a process where the couple involved in the divorce dispute over various aspects of the divorce, such as property division, alimony, and child custody. This type of divorce can be a lengthy and emotionally draining process, involving multiple court appearances and mediation sessions.
On the other hand, an uncontested divorce is a more streamlined and efficient process, where the couple agrees to all the terms of the divorce, including the division of assets and liabilities, and the arrangement for child custody and support. This type of divorce is often referred to as a “mutual consent divorce” or “divorce by mutual consent.” In India, couples can opt for an uncontested divorce under Section 13-B of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, or Section 28 of the Special Marriage Act, 1954. An uncontested divorce is generally faster and less costly than a contested divorce, as it eliminates the need for lengthy court battles and mediation sessions.
In recent years, the Indian government has taken steps to simplify the divorce process and make it more accessible to couples. For instance, the Indian government has introduced the concept of “no-fault divorce,” which allows couples to divorce without having to prove any grounds or fault. This has made it easier for couples to end their marriage amicably and move on with their lives. In this comprehensive guide, we will delve deeper into the types of divorce available in India, the process of divorce, and the legal and practical implications of each type of divorce.

1. The divorce process in India: a step-by-step guide

The divorce process in India can be a complex and daunting journey, especially for those who are navigating it for the first time. As a country with a rich cultural heritage, India’s divorce laws are deeply rooted in its ancient traditions and customs. However, in recent years, the country has undergone significant changes in its laws and regulations, making the process more accessible and less restrictive. Divorce problem solution in india
In this section, we will take you through the divorce process in India, step by step, to help you understand what to expect and how to navigate the system. From the initial filing of the petition to the final decree, we will cover every crucial aspect of the divorce process, including the different types of divorce, the role of the courts, and the various legal and procedural requirements.
With the help of expert lawyers and legal professionals, we will demystify the divorce process and provide you with a comprehensive guide to help you make informed decisions about your future. From understanding the grounds for divorce to the process of obtaining a divorce certificate, we will cover every important detail that will help you navigate the divorce process with confidence.
By the end of this section, you will have a clear understanding of the divorce process in India, including the necessary steps to take, the required documents, and the timeline for the process. With this knowledge, you will be better equipped to make decisions that are right for you and your future.
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My husband and I have been actively TTC for over a year now and started fertility testing last month. We’ve been married for over 5 years so all I’ve heard our whole marriage from family and friends is ‘when are you going to have kids?’ It’s annoying atp.
After being backed into a corner, I told my aunt in the fall we were trying. For MONTHS she’s been texting me constantly ‘I’m praying for you to get pregnant today.’ ‘Do you have news for us this thanksgiving?’ ‘I had a dream about grandma, your baby is coming soon’ etc…I always respond no news yet I will let you know when there’s something to share. And still, she texts constantly.
I get a text from her that she sent me a Mother’s Day gift…inappropriate, but I figured it would be a onesie or a baby book and I’d just open it (prayerfully next Mother’s Day…since I am not a mother in any way rn). She texts me that it’s lingerie to ‘help’ me and my husband get pregnant. 🤯 I very firmly said do not send anymore gifts or texts and trust that I will share any news with her when the time comes.
I really came here not bc I’m terribly upset at her behavior, but I don’t really have anyone to vent to. My mom and husband already blamed me for sharing, given I know how notoriously difficult and lacking in boundaries my aunt is. And all my close friends are single and crying to me about dates and work…I just don’t have any peers to talk to about this stuff or listen to me.
Appreciate any shared thoughts or similar experiences. (FYI I plan on donating the lingerie…I am NOT wearing that smh)
TL;DR As title says, pushy aunt sent me lingerie for Mother’s Day. I am NOT a mother and TTC. My mom and husband blame me for telling her we are TTC. I have no peers to relate to bc they are all single. Just here to vent and hear stories from others.

Hello, Sorry in advance for the following long text.
I (M27) am married to my wife (W25) since last year ( civil marriage). And since 2018 (religious)
We have been together since 11 years. And I can't imagine a life without her. For you to understand I have to start at the beginning of our journey.
I met her when she was 16 and I was 18. First contact was through Facebook and we met shortly after for the first time. Before we met we called each other on a daily basis for hours and hours. We were in love without seeing each other.
At our first RL date we had a really good time and our love grew stronger.
Context for religion (it'll be important later)
I was raised as a "Christ" (My parents aren't religious at all) She was raised Muslim.
It happend that I had rough times in my teens, divorced parents lost grandparents etc.
I discovered Islam for me and it helped me In my situation. That was before I met my wife.
At that time I didn't had the courage to tell my mother and go to a Mosque.
Through my wife I got the courage and converted to Islam "officially". That was really awesome and I love my wife for the strength she gave me at the time.
At our first date, i was curious that she lied to her mother about me. And soon I would understand why.
Everything was alright and we had a long distance relationship a couple months (it takes 4 hours to get to her by train). Occasionally we met etc. But one day she called my crying and her voice was full of fear. Her (divorced) parents and her extended family found out that we were dating and there were fourious. That day I learnd about her family and the fact that thei were religious hardliners.
My wife told me that she was locked up in a room because they found out about me. And was threatened with death. Because they thought we had sex before marriage and that would be a sin etc. They told her stuff about honor killing. And she will soon die. She managed to get out there and begged me for help. I was devastated and I had no car nor the time to travel that far.
She wanted to flee from that town and her family. She had no money to buzz train tickets. I bought her tickets from my town. And send them over to her via Whatsapp.
It worked and she was on her way to me. And away from the bad people. We didn't call the police because nobody of us could think at the moment. At the same evening police knocked on my door ( I lived by my parents at the time) I was reported to the police because child kidnapping she was 16 and I was 18.
After that the times got harder she had to go to a safehouse etc. I received death threats and stuff via Whatsapp and calls from her mother. They would kill me, skin me, or rape me sister.
MZ biggest fear was for my wife. She was alone in that safehouse thing and I couldn't comfort her. For her the times had to be much harder then for me. And now I still feel guilty for what happened to her. On some days I wish didn't met her so that she could have a normal life :(
We went through that time year after year. It was a hard time, especially for her. Until we moved together. 2 years after that incident.
My family to was upset about that whole situation and I had to brake with them. They made things difficult because they had no empathy towards my wife or her situation.
4 years after the incident with her family she reunited with her mother and her sisters ( she wanted that and I can't speak against her, it is her decision and I am here to help her?)
Sure I wasn't happy but I accepted it because my wife wanted to, and that is what she needed to be happy, okay. Her mother stayed a week. She didn't apologize and came only for the reason make a religious wedding. So that " her daughter wouldnt live in sin".
Occasionally she phoned with her mom.
Fast forward a couple months.
She wants to visit her mother and her Grandma. Her Grandma is very important to her. But I wouldn't let her go alone and she didn't want to go alone so I went with her.
Her mom talked to people there and it should be safe for my wife. But not for me. I had to hide in the trunk of pure car so that no one sees me. She could roam freely and could visit her grandmother and other relatives.
I had to stay in the house of her mother. I didn't feel good in that environment but she was happy to see some people and this was worth it.
Years after that and more visits in her hometown later my wife was upset that I had to hide Everytime. (Only her mother knew about me,still being her husband)
Then her mother and my wife told everyone (extender relatives) that I am from Albany and she met at her University or something.
We made a bigger wedding in Turkey for with a video and other stuff to show of to her family. It was a wedding purely for them. They talked my wife down and I wanted to say something but my wife told me to keep my thoughts for my self.
After the wedding we visited her family more often and I have to say that some of her uncles are good people. But I can't feel accepted because I live a lie when I am there. They don't like me because of who I am, the "like" me because of the person they think I am.
That she visits her mother more frequently is not as good as I hoped because every dam time they shout at each other, her Mom gives her the fault on everything that happened. Her sisters too. That can't be good for any person, especially my wife. And was furios how they treat her after everything what went wrong I flipped and shouted at them. Only for my wife to angry towards me because I don't respect her family. One day it escalated between my wife and her younger sister (F18) and they began to punch each other. I held them back and shouted. My whole life I wasn't this angry. I immediately grabbed our suitcase and left this hellhole town.
This time my wife wasn't angry at me for shouting and everything was "normal". But after one week everything was alright between her and her sister.
My wife is treated like shit from her family every time she visits them, she is obviously very sad about this but she can't want to talk about it. She only says it is her family it is okay.
But nothing is okay, my wife is in bad condition emotionally and i can't stand it anymore. It breaks my heart everyday I see her so sad. And I can't do anything about it because she doesnt let me.
The last two years we can't live one week without a big fight. Fight over simple stuff like open toothpaste or "there is one spoon in the sink". And Everytime it breaks my heart. I know about her trauma and want to considerate it but sometimes when she gets too offensive or hits me (not with her fist, with her flat hand) I get aggressiv too and shout something back. Then she's sad and I feel guilty. Points she makes in big arguments are my

• Religion (I am only a Muslim because of her, wich is wrong)
  
• I don't like her family ( because I don't like to visit them)
  

Fast forward to today.
Sadly her Grandma passed away and she was devastated. Me too because her grandma was the only person In her family that truly liked me and I liked her.
Her grandma was hospitalized two months ago and the last month we were 28 out of 30 days in her hometown to visit her grandma. I had to call in sick at work to make it work and support my wife.
And after her grandma passed away they organized her funeral in Beirut Lebanon (we live in Germany). I didn't want to go because there is a war going on in that part of the world. And the funeral there is a very personal thing where only the closest family members are allowed. My wife had to go. She told me that in advance. It wasn't easy to support her idea because i was afraid that something will happen to her.
But she said it's part of her journey and she has to go. Her heart wanted that.
The only thing I can do is, to provide emotional support. And I did that. She arrived safe at home after a week. But then the things got worse.
The times are very difficult because is it almost impossible to do the right thing. I want to be there for her, but I also want to give her space that she needs. But nothing seems to work. And I know that griefing is a very personal thing and it doesn't work like. "Uh I happy again now"
What I want to say with "nothing seems to work" is her outbursts get worse she always withdraws further and further. I tried everything, i actively try to talk with her, then I try to let her have space.
But it doesn't matter what I do, she always finds a reason to argue with me and threaten me with divorce. If I let her have space, "you don't care about me" If I actively want to talk " you talk too much, I need my space" Once I considerd a therapy because all of the emotional trauma and the result was the biggest fight I have in a long time.
I can't stand the outburst anymore. Last time she said it's my fault that she doesn't saw her grandma frequently. And that one left me devastated and heartbroken. All I wanted in my life was to make her happy and now she is more heartbroken then ever :(
Sometimes she can be very impatient. Like yesterday, it was late and we had a big fight, after everything was over I wanted to take a quick shower because I had to wake up at 5 o'clock and it was 0:30 She was in the bedroom and wanted a bottle of water, I said "just one minute, I have to take a shower and the Ill come upstairs and bring water" "but I want my water now! She shouted again. And I said " then come downstairs and get some water, I have to work tomorrow and I need a shower"
Then it escalated again and I brought her water. Then she said she'll go back to her family and will leave me divorce me, and I would keep her away from her family etc. This is not the first time she threatened with divorce. It happens really often and I don't know if she is serious or just angry.
I don't want her to be sad with me. If she doesn't feel well with me she has to go. It'll break me but she deserves a good and happy life. She had enough bad stuff in her life. I don't want to make her life bad.
I would like to have a therapy for both of us. But she don't want to. And if I say I would like to have Therapie, she is upset because she don't know why I would need therapy, and she is the one who lost a family member.
I don't know what I can do to make her feel better. I am afraid she leaves me, but at the same time I don't want to keep her away from the life she wants.
Thank you very much for reading, and sorry for the bad English it's not my native language.

Before I get things started, I’d like to say that I(22M) am from a rather conservative country, I am a virgin, and this is my first relationship.
It’s been around 6 months since I started dating my 22F girlfriend, we have a 1000km distance, but we’re both students and are not financially independent yet. I just needed some advice as I just feel like this keeps going around my head and I’d like to articulate it better for myself while receiving advice from the more experienced people on this subreddit.
To start things off, This isn’t my girlfriend’s first relationship and she’s been in relationships for a while now, she started dating somewhat young (for my country at least, or maybe I have been too closed off to realize) and she said she’s had sex from a year or two and has had a few ex-boyfriends she’s mentioned to me before whom she slept with and she’s also had a few friends with benefits (I found out about this later)..
I knew she wasn’t a virgin before we started dating and It does not matter to me if she wasn’t a virgin, because she’s dating me and choosing me and I do have some self-confidence and am a bit secure with who I am to let it bother me much.
I love her a lot and would love if this relationship lasted a long time and even hope to marry her and build a home with her someday.
Around 2 months back, she told me that she did not want to sleep with me till we got married and when I first heard this, I was quite taken aback, especially since I didn’t think she cared much about that due to her history and I don’t care much about it either (I’ve had my share of mental issues and felt that it wouldn’t be right to date anyone with those level of issues, so decided to not date anyone till I met her..).
This turned into a somewhat large argument and we were supposed to have a few days free and were planning on talking and video calling for those days, but we ended up arguing a bit, I was just feeling very mentally messed up and trying to process everything and I did get a bit cold and kind of withdrew into myself.
When I asked her for the reason, she said she didn’t know and then later said that she wanted a serious relationship with me and “I’m not like her playboy ex-boyfriends”and that she “doesn’t want to introduce me as a person she slept with to her parents” and wants to “respect them by not sleeping with me” while these ideas aren’t too uncommon amongst the younger generation of my country, I didn’t think she would have such thoughts because then why do it with a few others and then not with me? (I don’t think I am entitled to sleep with her, nor do I feel it’s my right or anything like that, I wouldn’t want her to do anything with me if she doesn’t wish to, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew I forced someone into having sex with me when they don’t want to.)
When we went further into this discussion, she asked me if sex was something so important to me and if I just wanted her for her body and not for who she is and that kind of things, which made little sense to me, as why would I be in a LDR if I just wanted sex?
Anyways, after a while, she kept apologizing and was like if you want to we can do it. (and that wasn’t the conclusion I wanted, I just wanted her to tell me some real reason why she doesn’t want to do anything with me, I forgot to mention, but she called our relationship an online one and that hurt me quite a bit (she later said that she didn’t mean it that way and meant it as a LDR).
After a day or two, I kind of decided to just not think about it, because she just kept apologizing and I felt like I was hurting her by continuing the topic.
A few weeks after she talks about the house of some guy she was “more than friends with” I didn’t know about this before and thought she only had sex in relationships (again, my country is quite conservative and maybe I am too closed off** to have had considered this before) and that kind of got to me, because whenever she said anything about people wanting her only for her body and that kind of stuff, I kind of felt like she was coerced into sleeping with her ex-boyfriends (I understand that I might have tried to rationalize what was going on and made up stories), and imo a friends with benefits is where you just have sex and it’s quite consensual, to say the least.
Now, a week back, I just wanted to bring this topic up again and I kind of messed up with the timing as we both were quite tired and I hadn’t slept properly in a while.. at the same time, I was feeling a bit guilty because I did fantasize about sleeping with her when we met even though I agreed to her boundary.
She told me she was confused and why I still thought about this topic and stuff like that and she asked me if I “didn’t like anything else about her apart from her body” and “what would I do if she had any physical deformities and she couldn’t have sex with me”( she said this when we first spoke on this too), she then said that she isn’t a touch person like I am and me thinking about such things out of the blue is quite strange to her.
All this has kind of led me to feel like I am ugly (which I don’t feel anymore, apart from the occasional intrusive thought) and whether she doesn’t want to sleep with me because she thinks I’m not the right person for her or maybe she thinks I am not good enough and so on...
She later said that she doesn’t want to have sex because she hates her body and how she looks and that she is carrying trauma from her past relationships because her ex-boyfriends slept with her and left her, I obviously understand this.. till a few days later she again said that we wouldn’t have sex till marriage. So I don’t know what’s really going on in her mind. Is she uncomfortable with me?
I understand that this might be a “Me” problem or something I am doing wrong or just overthinking and over analysing things and ending up with a wrong conclusion. I’m just confused I guess.
TLDR: My long-distance girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me even though she has had sex before (She later (after a month, when asked) said it is because she hates her body*). I felt hurt by this and it makes me feel very unwanted. I love her and I want to be with her, but I keep thinking about this and it’s making me lose my self-esteem and confidence as I feel like I am not good enough.
*I felt not including this in the TLDR would make it seem as though I am only telling my side of the story
**by closed off I mean I’m quite introverted and just stay home a lot and my parents are somewhat strict too (her parents are much stricter btw)..
I don’t know what I should do, I love her and I understand where she’s coming from, but this is kind of eating at me, whenever I feel low or am having a slightly bad mental health day my feelings of being not good enough or not the right person or that I am not wanted keeps creeping back up and starts shaving away at my self-esteem and the more I think about it the worse I feel.
Should I just stop thinking about this and pretend everything is okay with me? Am I not understanding enough? Do you think I can do something better? Should I talk about this topic again? (my girlfriend has exams for a few weeks now, so I would most likely hold off the topic until then, at the same time I might go to see her in June and I don’t know how that would work if we have such a conversation before this.)

I am (F28)dating a guy (M29) from the past 7 months. Even though it's not been long enough, still we have a good bond going on. We love each other. He told me very early on in the relationship that his family and whole community is really strict in their ways and culture and there's no way his family would agree for an inter-caste marriage. I understood the situation, we talked about it for a while, and mutually agreed to continue seeing each other till we can, or till one of us gets married. Now, we have also tried to break it off but we end up with each other the next day. It's becoming really difficult for me now because I genuinely want to have a future with him and the idea of seeing him making a family with somebody else tear me into pieces. When i communicate this with him, he tells me to focus on what we have in the present and live it fully. After all the comfort he tries to provide, i still can't help the thought of it. He's not exactly the man I would want to marry anyway. He's a red flag ngl. But still I love him and accept him. The thought that I'm not wanted in his life gets to me. I can't make a decision if I should try to leave or just focus on the present and love him with all my devotion.

I’ve been dating my now Fiancé for 3 years. We were planning on getting married before the end of the year. Our relationship is absolutely perfect and we’re so excited to finally live together. We both come from very religious families, but she’s an agnostic and I’m an anti-theist. Our families don’t know about this of course, for our own safety. Her family completely reject me for not being catholic and a different ethnicity than them. We’ve agreed that we’d move forward with the marriage anyway since they’re emotionally abusive and are being unreasonable.
I spoke to my mom about the marriage, and she’s happy for me regardless of the differences. My dad on the other hand seemed to agree in the beginning and even called her parents unfair and stupid for rejecting me, but then proceeds to say that unless she gets baptized in our (orthodox) church, our life will not be blessed and he will never accept the marriage. He also said verbatim: “If you do this, you will carry my anger with you till the day I die”. He also said that we have to wait until I graduate from college, even though we could easily afford to live together right now, and it doesn’t make any sense for us to wait another couple of years to get married. We’re just crazy about each other and want to live together now, but apparently that’s too much to ask for.
Some of my dad’s greatest hits:
He’s done this whole “ I’ve fed you, clothed you, and took care you for all your life so you better do what I want for the rest mine” shtick multiple times and I just see it as emotional manipulation and abuse. He’s a raging racist, sexist, misogynist, bigot, transphobe, etc. He’s on record for randomly saying that he thinks all Palestinians deserve what’s happening to them, even the children…
I’m going forward with the marriage anyways, but I’m not sure whether I should completely cut my dad off from my life. I straight up asked him, what’s more important to him, me getting married and being happy, or me graduating? And he picks graduation without missing a beat. Since I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama in my sibling’s lives, I was planning on not telling him anything about my love life, and only keep him informed about my progress in college since that is what wants apparently. What do you guys think I should do here?

I hate myself and I feel like such a cliche. I (f)got married young (21) to my husband who is a couple years older. I think a few things led to me personally making this life choice. My parents had a messy divorce which left me estranged from my father and feeling forgotten about/replaced by my mother and I was Obsessed with starting my own family. I even thought I wanted to be a young mom at the time. So we got married young after 4 years of dating. I was also brought up religious and that combined with my mental illness made me cling to purity culture beyond a healthy amount even after I stopped being christian. My husband was my first kiss (at 18), first everything… you get it.
he’s known the whole time he’s been with me that it’s my life long dream to live in New York to pursue my dream career. he’s always been supportive and honestly he’s a great man. He’s honest and loving and so completely giving. Anyway, fast forward we’ve been married 2 years and living in New York for a year. my whole life and self has changed. Im realizing all the things I want to with my life, I’m making friends, I’m going places, on trips with my friends. My husband does nothing at all besides play video games with his friends that are back in our home town. It’s not even that he’s lazy because he’s really not. He does his part and more when it comes to chores he just isn’t taking care of HIMSELF. He never has to leave the couch because he works from home. So do I. So we are together at home all day. And I feel guilty building a life and living it. he hasnt tried making friends at all. Has no other hobbies. This man hasn’t left our tiny apartment for a year. I feel like his whole existence orbits around me and video games and it’s making me crazy. I’ve seen a difference in him from before we moved and he agreed with me he won’t stay happy long term. I’ve cried to him about this several times now but it’s just like he’s paralyzed or something. He’s not taking care of himself in any way. I feel like we’re holding each other back
i am trying to keep this short so I’m not going to go into every detail or other problems we have, like whether or not we’ll be compatible parents, but there’s one thing we all know changes and determines everything: sex. I’m just gonna give it to you straight. It’s not good. It took me forever to realize because I had nothing to compare it to. I used to think I was not a sexual person but it turns out I think he’s the one who isn’t. even today it’s been almost two weeks and he hasn’t even mentioned it. I have tried asking to try new things a couple times in the past but he’s not that receptive. I’ve been with him for 6 years total and I’ve never finished without … help. It gets to a point where when he finally does initiate I’ve already taken care of it myself or just don’t want to. And these days I just don’t feel attracted. The guilt is eating me alive. There’s nothing anyone can say that I don’t think worse of myself. Not even the most woman hating incel lol(boy would they love this story fml) I would never ever cheat but I feel like a teenager any Mild attraction I have towards anyone else spirals into endless fantasizing and it’s driving me literally crazy and again, makes me so guilty I want to die... I don’t know where to end this and its already pretty long so I guess I’ll leave it there for now. I feel Like the only person in the world with this problem. are these problems fixable? I’m left with a lot of moral questions which I guess aren’t allowed. What makes a marriage with big foundational problems salvageable? Am I being too selfish? I know certain things fade anyway but feeling like we’re already there in our early twenties is… so depressing.
tl;dr: got married young. same bs cliche problems you expect arose and I just found out youre supposed to actually really enjoy sex. And I want to. but I don’t. Not sure where to go from here

I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you to be fully submissive to me. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
Age gap is not mandatory. Don't be put off contacting me if you are closer to my age.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to be a virgin.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings, or have undergone any kind of surgery that affects your reproductive organs (reassignment, colpocleisis, FGM, tubal ligation, etc). I am not a doctor, so I don't know every situation that could require surgery. If you've had to undergo surgery or medication because of circumstances beyond your control, please let me know; I'm willing to hear your side of things.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to defer to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

Hello everyone, I(26M) and my Gf(25F) are in relationship from past 6 years, she is the perfect companion for me, we never had any issues and we both love each other a lot. She is Jain and I am Hindu, last year March she spoke About us to her parents and they completely denied for this relationship, They just wanted her to cutoff everything with me and just didn’t wanted to even meet me or my parents, i am a working professional and earning a good income, i am a vegetarian and teetotaller, My family is very happy to accept her, but her parents have put her in too much trauma, she is in a joint family and they have cried in front of her every day since last 1.3 years and pushed her for marriage in their own religion, because of this my gf has got mentally exhausted, and now she wants us to break up. She loves me and there is nothing wrong with the relationship we both have been struggling but i am still staying strong for her what should i do to make her gain strength to stand for both of us, because now our relationship can only last if she stays strong and takes a stand for both of us, but in the conversation i am having with her she has completely given up. I am not sure what I should be doing

tl;dr
i F20 have been dating my boyfriend M24 for 2 years. it honestly still blows my mind that he is my boyfriend since he's an incredibly outstanding person career wise, and he helped me a lot on my career too. im insanely grateful for him, he makes me happy, but he doesn't connect with me on an emotional level. he is quite emotionless and used to blame me for being sad (not now). but i still rarely talk to him about my emotional problems, since i know he wouldnt react well and that would jusy make me more upset. he is also quite immature, still relies a lot on his parents, as he is focusing A LOT on his career which i am proud of. but ive always worried when he will start to get independent. but thats for the future. him and i are doing long distance now and i will move to his country to get my master's.
i also have this friend M21 who I have known for 3 years, but we weren't that close until 5 months ago when he asked me for some advice. we have been chatting a lot about life and the more i get to know him, the more i notice that he is an amazing person, and our viewpoints in life are exactly the same (no sex before marriage, we both want 2 kids, family before career etc.) i could talk to him about my emotional problems, and he would make me feel better in no time. he has so much attention to detail, which i never really got from my boyfriend, and hanging out with this friend made me realize how important attention to detail is, even the smallest things touched my heart: walking me to my bus stop, listening to me talk about the most random things and actually try to engage in my conversation....
no i don't think i am developing feelings for my friend and i still love my boyfriend a lot. but last night i just started spiraling into the question, would my life be a lot better if i dated my friend? i feel like an asshole for feeling like this too. don't know if anyone has the same experience.
p.s: i'm moving to my boyfriend's country to get my master's degree in 3 months, and i will be living with him and his parents in his house. if everything goes well i would like to stay in his country too.
What should I do with all these emotions?

I (15m) and my gf (15f) have been dating for three months and everything is going perfect. I've always known that I wanted to get married and start a family but I'm not sure if trying to find this at such a young age is what I should be doing. I'm still learning how to be in a good relationship as this is my first one. So, should I be dating for marriage?

I started seeing a teacher when I moved to a new city for a new job (met on Hinge). I was working long hours at the hospital during COVID but got to see her a few times a week. She was a single mother with a 6 month old which I did not mind but as I got to know her I discovered the following things. After 11 months of knowing her she gave me an ultimatum to get a ring and be engaged within the next 3-4 months. Looking back, I ignored and dismissed a lot of things. Here are the things I learned and want to know what you would think if the person you are dating had this history and they were asking for a lifetime commitment:
• She had cheated on her ex-husband with a man at a party. When I asked her what the issues were in the marriage, she said he was a nice man but just neglectful of her in the marriage.
• She spent the next 5 years with the man she cheated with on her ex-husband. She left that man because “he wasn’t going to move on up in the world and make something of himself.” In other words, he wasn’t going to make more money or climb the social status ladder per her. I asked if he was good to her. She said - yes! He was an amazing partner otherwise.
• Then she found a man who is wealthy and educated and a lecturer, who has a good family and generational wealth including properties. He told her that he was polyamorous. She chased him and tried to convince him the entirety of their relationship to convert to monogamy for her. I spoke with him directly because he is the father of her child. He said that she moved fast and was talking about marriage within 3 months of knowing him. He was unwilling to really change his lifestyle and even took her to orgies and shared books on poly lifestyle with her to see if she would be okay with being his main person while he does poly. After 11 months or more of dating and eventually living together, she finds out she is pregnant with his child. She tells everyone that she missed the pill for a day or two and got pregnant. (When she told me this I was very surprised because my understanding is that it’s quite rare to get pregnant with just missing one day). She found out she was pregnant and decides to keep the baby. All the while trying to convince the baby’s father to marry her. He eventually told her that he didn’t want the child or a family. While she is figuring this out with him, she began sleeping with a dentist during pregnancy. I asked her about this choice and why not stay with this dentist. She said that he was burning out and was looking to leave dentistry. Once she knew that the baby’s biological dad would not marry her at any cost, she calls up the ex-boyfriend and starts sleeping with him once the baby is born.
• I discovered recently that during our relationship, she has been scanning for other men and keeping her options open. I am so disappointed and upset with myself for ignoring the red flags.
Tell me if you knew this history about a person, what conclusions you would draw and if you would get into a long-term relationship with them? Thanks for the input.