Rude words bingo calls

I don’t wanna make this long but I think it’s better if I rant. I need help. My girlfriend was raped a long time ago, but she has never been the same. We kinda have a long distance relationship, if you could call it that, but we only live around 2 hours apart. I won’t explain how it all happened but I can explain that she has never been the same. She trusts me to an extent, to a really healthy extent. She trusted me with the information regarding her past and how it all went down. I love her so much, I really do. She is so beautiful and so pretty. She is so god damn sweet and all I’ve ever wanted was someone like her. I’ve never felt true love until I found her. She is the only person who makes me feel cared about. I had an ex before but she never cared about me, she cheated on me and treated me like garbage. She made me feel like I was garbage. On top of all that I never really received real love whether it was from my neighborhood, which I live in a pretty ghetto neighborhood, and I never received love from my family. Whatever I got from my abusive family, was the polar opposite of love. Abuse, trust issues, mental scars, physical scars, all of that stuff. So now you guys know why I never really knew what love was, until I found her. But this rant isn’t about me, it’s about my perfect, precious, gorgeous, and lovely girlfriend. The thing is, sometimes she feels so down about herself all the time. She feels like she doesn’t do enough for me sometimes. I tell her, she does, because she truly does. She doesn’t understand how much her love truly means to me. I would do anything, and I mean anything to get her love. Her love means so god damn much to me. But she always feels all over the place. Sometimes she feels so depressed that she lets everyone down. Sometimes she doesn’t wanna call, because she is either nervous, or doesn’t know why she can’t call. I tell her it’s always alright. I just want her to feel important and that everything she says, is always valid, and that whatever she does, I’ll always support it. Before I talk about all of her problems and issues that she has, I need to explain briefly about her past. Not only was she sexually assaulted, the thing about it, was that it was her close childhood family friend who did that to her, in fact he was a bit older and he was one of her brothers friends as well. I won’t go in too much depth of it, but she felt so nervous and shaken up. He made her act like everything was normal and she would break down every time she was alone. My poor baby had to go through so much. Prior to all of that, her father had died few years back. She was always constantly depressed. She felt like she let her father down when she was assaulted. I know she still feels like that. After all of that, she always felt so depressed and suicidal, I’ve seen the scars she brought up onto herself and the scars that her assaulter gave her. He was always yelling at her and was pretty abusive. So ever since that happened she felt so useless. She had tried many times to burn herself with a lighter and tried slitting herself with a knife. Even after all that she is still standing. My baby is so strong, and I just want her to know that. She says she trusts me more than she trusts any man alive. I love her so much. Sometimes she feels so sad and she feels like she can’t do nothing for me, when she doesn’t know that she has done more than what I could’ve ever asked for. I love her and I need her to know that she is perfect and that her past doesn’t define her. I just love her so god damn much. I want her to feel important and that she deserves the universe, because she really does. I want her to be comfortable around me and trust me. I want her to feel safe and secure around me. I want her to always rant to me about every single little thing. I want her to come to me whenever she feels down. I just want her and only her. I want all of her love. Her love is so precious. If anyone saw her I swear everyone would swoon over her. She is so gorgeous and so pretty and so cute, I can’t ever imagine why someone would abuse her prettiness and her love and her trust. I need her to be the best of herself, I’d love to see her like that. I know it takes time, all good things take time and I truly understand what she has gone through and how she can be helped. I just really wanna help her and fix her. We have so many plans for the future. She wants to get married and I do too. I can’t wait till I see her beauty walking in her beautiful dress down the aisle. I love her so much and I’m so obsessed, addicted, and mesmerized by her. She wants to have a family and have kids. She loves and cares about me so much which shows how much she trusts me. I love her and she got rid of my problems, so I really wanna truly do the same for her. She deserves the best and only the best. If only she knew how much her worth is in my eyes. I love her. I know all women always have problem, I’m not trying to be sexist or rude. But I know how the world works. I just want her to feel better around me, if anything. I love everything about her. I love her eyes, I love her body, every detail about her body is so sexy. I love her personality. I love how she cares so much about me. I love her touch and how she always makes me feel loved whenever I’m in her arms. I love the feelings she makes me feel. I love her and I just want the best for her. The best, and only the best. I wish I could explain and express my love for her, but I can’t because it’s indescribable. I Need all the help I can get so I can help her get better and feel better about herself. I’ll take any advice. I love her so much. Baby, if you ever find this, just know, I mean every single thing, and I love you so much. So so so much. And I’ll always be here for you and I’ll always pick you up when you’re down. I’ll always respect u and ur body. I’ll always love and care for you. I’ll always treat u the best and do the most for you. I love you baby. Don’t be sad and don’t feel bad. I’ll always love you.
ill take any help from anyone. Please I need help. I know we are just maturing as a couple, and I’ll always be patient with her. I promise her a lot. I promised her everything. I love her
Mods please don’t take this post down, please, I really really need help. I hope everyone can understand.

WARNING THESE STORIES ARE TRUE. SHOULD THEY TRIGGER A RESPONSE THEN PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME.
So from my perspective this all started when I was around 8-9. I was raised by my very religious Grandparents, whom I call Mom and Dad. We were never really well off always in smaller houses/trailers, or on the outside of the city limit of most towns by a few miles.
Anyway when I was younger we lived in a place with a basent, a on an Indian Rez, on a Christian school campus, My dad was the computer admin at the time and my mom worked as an aide.
This house was okay, however there would be a day in which I'd wake up early, hear what sounded like a collar from our dog, I would then reach over the side of my bed I thought it was coming from calling out our dogs name, but felt nothing, but hear what sounded like the collar and steps on my toys I'd left out the day before.
I looked down and saw nothing there, a little creeped I checked around the bed too and under and found nothing. Another morning I would wake up with our families cat on the bed.
Usually laid on top of me in the middle of the night, It was an old alley cat my parents had saved and it only slept on me like that, later had to put it down due to cancer, and my parents didn't have the money for a surgery that had low odds of working. Always remember him.
Anyway I woke up one morning to the cat laying on me, I froze, felt it dig it's claws into me making bread, then we both heard it, a clicking noise, coming from my dad's office, so I got up, put our cat to the side gently, he was old, went into my dad's office thinking he was up already.
The way my dad's office was set up, he had 3 computers, His butts up against the wall so I couldn't see him unless I was in the room. When I got in there he wasn't in there, it was completely empty, but I could have sworn I heard the sound of someone going at it on the keys, hunt and peck kind of like, I heard it again, but behind me, where mine and moms computers were at, I spun around, saw one of my keys off my keyboard go up and down, and I booked it out of there.
We had moved twice before activity happened again, we were living in an old farmhouse out of town. My parents have always rented. The only time they tried to buy the banks made them file for bankruptcy to handle the loan and I know it deviated my dad. Anyway we were living in an old house, the owner was kind of a dickwad, but whatever.
I was in 10-11th grade when I was with my Ex in the middle of the winter. She was over and we were watching movies. At one point I had to go take a leek. I told her so. Then made it across the hall from my room to the restroom and I wasn't gone longer than 30 seconds. came back and she was terrified, I asked what happened? She everything in your closet just went crazy, as a joke I said "well a sensitive friend of mine told me I've got a ghost following me around" she said "it must not like me then" I laughed but she seemed serious, so I dropped the attitude.
I looked inside of my closet and sure enough all of my things were on the floor. All the shelves had their stuff pushed off. And I'm looking a little bewildered, but not too surprised.
Next we go fill my mother in and being the God fearing woman she was chalked it up to the house settling. Sure mom sounds totally plausible, weather below zero, frozen ground, but enough chaos in my closet that the whole house would to have felt it as well. I never pushed it any further than that. But from then on I kept my radar up and kept getting this feeling like something was watching me but I couldn't tell who.
Next was in a place I moved into with another EX, it was a studio cabin off the lake, at the time we had two kids and some things had happened and I just felt a presence in the place. I was going to a job at the time that really tapped me physically, mentally, and spiritually, and id be coming home exhausted and would have no energy for anything, and at one point in the middle of the night I happened across a video that reminded me of my situation.
Felt something watching me so I got up and walked around the little place. I found the area that I felt it was coming from, dark spot near the top of the cabin kind of like a ledge. I stared back, spoke the words, "I know you're here bitch now do something." Staring intensely at the spot.
Now in hindsight I know that was the wrong thing to do. I even knew what I was doing to a degree in the moment, but I got tired of feeling like I was going crazy. Nothing happened, I felt foolish, just shook my head, stared back at my phone mentally chastising myself. What a fool ghosts aren't real and I'm not special. Yada yada yada.
Eventually I went outside for a smoke. And in that 5 min when I walked back inside the house, I nearly walked right over my lunch box, which had previously been on top of our fridge, please note this fridge was taller than my girl and our kids and I frequently reached up there to pull stuff off all the time for her, so it couldn't have been them, it was sent nearly 30+ ft, all of them were asleep and it didn't set off the dogs at all.
Later we moved into the City where we currently living in a small upstairs apartment. Got small living room, kitchen, dining, bath, and bed. Now we've been here not even 3 months, but the activity has skyrocketed.
First thing when it's just me and the kids or just me and my daughter the youngest, I'll usually put something on for her while she's up and keeps her content, but lately I've been walking in to either the TV goes to the main menu without the kids doing it. There was one point that I thought it was just our son. then I started taking the remote to the living room just to be sure, but sure enough it kept happening now I just take the batteries out.
I brought up to my Ex that I thought she should take the kids and get out for a few days while I handled it, but she reminded me she had nowhere and work, I agreed, but still felt off.
I made a post on tic toc, but nothing came of it other than a day or so later my ex told me she came home one morning and all of us were asleep but the extension cord to the stuff in the bedroom was unplugged and everything on it was unplugged including the TV and she asked did it was me but it really wasn't.
That's the end of the tale for now if you've got any questions be free to ask. I'm being very vague about all of this but I do want help, yeah I'm aware of sage, but it seems linked to knowing about it and just haless pranks right now.. idk.. any advice?

PLEASE don’t call this a bad trip, I am experienced tripper with acid and have never felt this way in my life, I’ve had bad trips but never this in my whole life, this felt like fake acid even though it was pure real so imagine it like that. Enjoy reading!
Was this a psychotic break? I had sleep deprivation never slept 3 nights, smoked weed during all of those days, which weed did not make me feel this way at all, coming up to night I take LSD, (Lowest dose in my life to)
First it feels good I’m an experienced user and know exactly how it feels, it feels the best trip of my life for 30 min, then out of no where in a millasecond, my headspace I feel so dissociated out of my head to the point I barley can see shit everything felt so zoomed out and in, this felt nothing like acid anymore at all, I went fully catatonic state I could barley talk or form thoughts, I felt dead inside.
At this point i had convinced myself I’ve gone crazy, I never even knew what I was experiencing till after, also if I was in that state I would not be able to right anything, it’s like my mind went back to a baby even a baby is smarter then me, and all while I was aware this truly did not feel like LSD anymore at all, I was so scared and more out of my mind then I ever been in my life, the shit I saw and heard dident feel like acid, it felt as it got so intense my brain dident know how to handle it.
My vision changing in an instant was the scariest part it felt everything was so zoomed out and in that I’m gona stay that way forever and be mentally disabled and people will have to take care of me, that delusion was so fucking strong, all my dreams shattered I could barley think but knew the bigger picture the fact I just fucked my life and will have to live eternity this way, I cried for a bit I’ve never ever barley cry and this was so traumatic cuz I thought I fucked up.
I made someone take me to the hospital even that could tell I’ve acted a way never before, on acid you can usually talk normal to some extent, me I was fully disabled in that moment I was ill I felt ill mentally, I could not form thoughts even if I wanted to my brain went fully blank for the first time and that stayed till the trip ended, I could barley talk at all 1 word answers at the most, my voice and others felt so deepened it felt as I just consumed some type of fake acid even though it was pure tested LSD,
The hospital people after a while of waiting wore it off, but during that while of waiting everything just kept falling more and more apart it never seemed to stop building and building, I could barley tell the nurses what happen the person next to me did, I was so out of my mind they asked me to piss in a cup in the bathroom, this was the first time the piss overflowed and my brain realized 10 seconds later that there’s piss in my hands now, I’ve never been this dumb in my life I was so scared cuz I could not even control anything at all, this is nothing like a generic bad LSD or edible trip, I’ve had bad trips this was the worst thing ever, eventually the nurses wore it down, during the time they did I couldent believe that I could come down from this, it’s like something took over my acid trip it hit me so fast in a second that it made me believe this will never come down and I’m always this way for life, I’ve never even ever had a fear of never coming down from a drug till this time.
It was the scared I’ve ever been in my life, I consider it trauma this is my first traumatic event that is worst then a psychical one in my eyes, I get vivid memory or flashbacks of some of the moments, and another thing the second that psychotic state came on, because it came on so fast I knew there was something really wrong and that I’ve never felt this way in my life, i started thinking the no sleep and acid is making me crazy now, thank god the hospital people wore it down otherwise if I was just at home I wouldn’t think I could come down from it.

We met about 3 months ago, and started dating almost immedietly. We have no mutual friends, I have basically zero friends outside of online stuff and she is the same way. We have moved kind of quickly. Said I love you within the first few weeks, but haven't had sex yet. I'm a virgin and she isn't.
She invited me into a discord server with all her friends and all of them are weirdos. Spouting racial slurs, being edgelords, and one of them is like 22 years old.
I later learned that she and him met 5 years ago. She was 13 and he was 16. They fucking dated at one point. At one point he was 17 and she was 13. I could never imagine myself dating anyone even a year younger than me. Her best friend is a racist horrible person who's flirted with people when they were dating. She constantly says the n word despite being white as fuck and once said "I wonder how tight a newborn is". She has zero redeeming qualities and promotes cheating, dating people only for looks, and talks nonstop about dick size. My girlfriend is best friends with this scumbag???
About relationships, I've never been in a serious one. She's been in several. This is the first time she's ever actually loved someone she said.
I found out she was insanely sexual with her ex. Like, several times a day. I'm nervous to even do it once, and it's been months. She says she doesn't care and it's not that important but if it isn't why was it so important previously?
Now onto the other stuff. We don't really have anything in common. She only watches horror, I think the genre sucks ass. The only thing is dumb comedies with Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan and that's it. The only thing we like in common basically. She got bored when we tried to watch Star Wars, doesn't like any of the things I do like games or ANYTHING. I don't even know what we talk about. Basically nothing. I just try my hardest to be "entertaining" and we goof around and spend the rest of the time cuddling and stuff. I don't see us doing dumb fun stuff I would love to do, hanging out and doing stupid shit and talking about stuff like that. I know this all sounds very juvenile lol but having similar interests is important and I'm now realizing that.
She hates talking about her problems. She has eating issues and refuses to eat and I constantly stress about it. She just won't. I try to get her to and she won't. Some nights she'll be in a terrible mood and I can tell, but she just says she's fine. But I start to overthink it and assume the worst. She's always lying, I find out afterward. And I feel like shit she lied. And she just won't even try to talk about it. I don't blame her but it just doesn't work. Neither of us end up happy all night long.
And as for life? We both JUST graduated. She needs to move out of her parents house because of her horrible father and she's trying to figure out how to do that. We thought maybe she could move in with me, as I will be getting my own place (paid for by my grandparents) for college. It's not normal, but she has to get out asap and I think that can make an exception. After that? I don't know what I want to do in life. She wants to be an actress. She wants to move to another state and make a big name for herself. I just want to make ends meet and come home to someone I love.
I just don't see a future with her. Where we work. Where I'm happy. I've stopped talking to all of my friends to give her like all of my attention and it kind of sucks. I find myself enjoying talking to my friends more. We don't even call or text because we have nothing to talk about. I feel wrong saying I love you now. Feel wrong even typing it. It's not honest. We talked about it tonight and her responses only make me feel worse about it. She loves me a lot, she said I'm the love of her life, she said she kind of needs me and she has a history of self harm and suicide attempts. And I don't want her to do something. And I feel wrong leaving her. It feels so bad and wrong, all of it. I don't know what I should do.
hi dear reader, if you could please spare me a shilling of advice as for what to do
I don't know how to summarize this. You can't give an opinion with just a summary. I need some advice, maybe help from a third perspective please. I'll summarize it anyway so my post isn't deleted.
tl;dr: my girlfriend and I have nothing in common, her friends suck, we have different life goals, get into conflicts a lot recently, and now I need to make a decision before it's too late because we both graduated

I've been working at this little restaurant in a small municipal airport for a year or so and I just don't know if I should stay or not.
The people who work there, other than me(19M) are all 2 or 3 times my age, from 40 all the way to 60's and in between. We are understaffed and all work 6 days a week, and there are usually only 5 or 6 (if that)people working at once and it gets stressful having to do multiple peoples' jobs.
We're next to a park(that was built 7 years on from the inception of the restaurant) and the lady who works the register always complains to the "good customers" about the "bad customers", who she represents as "entitled parents who let their kids run wild in the dining room and trash it, then leave bad reviews". I always get praised for kindness and my attitude in said reviews but I always see the lady in the front being called out for being rude.
I get paid $13/hr for what I do, though I wanna move out of my parents' house and I just don't know if it's feasible nor even worth it mentally to work at this place anymore when. Though I work 6 days a week, it's usually only 5 hour shifts MAX.
I asked to be put on nights(they're only open for nights two days a week lmao) so I could get more hours and this happened for like a week or two and then they started hiring new people and I asked "why am I being taken off night" and the manager said "We're training new people right now" and that was the end of it.
The amount of drama in this place is pretty bad, like every restaurant I suppose, but there's so much infighting and it feels like the whole "We're a family and we love each other through thick and thin" charade they put up is just null and void. Everybody is talking about quitting
What do reddit, I love working here because of the customers and the uniqueness of the location but I'm unsure of what to do

Hello,
To give some pretext, I live in a very, very liberal state. And the majority of those in the suburbs I live and in my school are either Asian or white. I’ve visited forums on Quora, Reddit, etc, along with talking to many of Chinese pen-pals to ask whether it was appropriate for a white person to wear a qipao. The resounding answer I got was “yes”- that their culture stole it from someone else’s in the first place, and that they didn’t care as long as I was being respectful. And I’ve worn two other Chinese-inspired dresses multiple times before this experience, and received no strange stares or comments (besides compliments).
This most recent dress I bought was from a popular Chinese lolita brand- it’s a mini dress with a mandarin collar, short puff sleeves, and has a pink bunny and strawberry print. It’s made out of a very light fabric, and so I thought it would be good to wear it school as I don’t have many summer clothes (and it suddenly got very hot this past week), and because it’s pretty cute. I got some compliments about it (including from my Chinese-American and Korean-American friends, but a separate friend pointed out that my Chinese-American friends aren’t super connected with their culture and that I should go and ask other people; que as to why I’m here). But in one of my classes, a Chinese-American girl (V) condescendingly told me - in front of everyone, may I add - that I was heavily disrespecting and sexualizing her culture. That it wasn’t okay for me to wear something like that for everyday clothing, and that if I were to wear Chinese dresses at all (which I shouldn’t) it should be a traditional ankle-length one. V said… a lot of other things as well which I’m not going to add here (V was being incredibly rude all together, pretty much calling me an ignorant racist at the end, and got even more upset when my friend came to back me up when she’s Korean and not Chinese).
This got me thinking, that while I don’t agree with how she came about it, I’ve mainly been asking mainland Chinese individuals what they think, instead of those who were born in America- as they’re going to have different experiences (which V threw in there at one point). So am I being disrespectful or racist, as she stated?
Thank you,
MildShowerThoughts

I have been getting SPAMMED called by some guy who has it out for me apparently. He found my information from my business card and has been harassing me and my girlfriend nonstop. Typically, I wouldn’t care much and I would let it be but yesterday he left a voicemail from a “no caller id”. He read off my girlfriend’s address and claimed he’d pay her a visit soon. He proceeded to call me the n word repeatedly and then spam called me from no caller id for two hours.
He made the mistake of calling from his personal number one time, so I feel like I have some bit of leverage but I’m not sure what to do. I’ve reached out to my local law enforcement, no help. I reached out to the FBI but I feel that it won’t be pursued. I’m worried that my girlfriend is in possible danger of being attacked or swatted.
What do I do?

Hello!
I have worked as a stone assistant (NOT AN APPRENTICE) for 3 years in a kitchen company. I would cut, polish, install and got trained to use cnc machinery and waterjet by them. For actually building, the stonemason would do it and I would assist. But I would never "create" by myself. My boss always said I could be a good stonemason but back then i didn't know if I would love it.
The boss (and the industry) is in dire needs of workers and he contacted me 4 months after my departure asking to sponsor me. Since I do eventually want to become a stonemason specializing in benchtops, i thought it would be a great idea. Most workers there were not stonemasons as well so I guess you didn't need to be one to do the job i was doing.
When i looked at the visa, we both thought i could apply under occupational training to improve skills since:
My job was related to one in the eligible skilled list
Had a year of experience in the last 2 years.
But then we looked at the step by step guide and saw that I might need to provide relevant registrations (which I don't have, since it didn't require any). I called home affairs and they said that they "might" not necessarely "need" depending on the job i planned on doing.
He then said i could apply for occupation training required for registration. The thing is when I called the TRA to get a letter saying the job was required to get certification (which is true, TAFE for example offers stonemason courses including benchtop handling etc...), they said they only do that for the 405 and 408 visa. Furthemore, they had no idea about the 407 training visa and said to call home affairs to get the body of authority. I tried to explain them that it's like basically an internship but even then they couldn't write a letter. When I looped back to home affairs I spoke to this lady who was so CONFUSED she muttered some words and quickly said sorry I can't help you and directed me to a regisered migration office.
Where I live stonemasonry is a cute name for bricklaying and the courses do not include kitchen benchtops, bathroom, sinks etc.... It's chimney, gravestone, BRICKS.
So I'd like to ask which one should i go for? I feel now occupation to improve skills would be good but I don't want to have any surprises if they ask me for papers (which i don't have yet). It does say RELATED to the elligible occupation, which is a grey area for me since it doesn't need registration. On the other hand, the other one could be good for my professional developments but no bodies exist in australia to give me that letter.

I’m a new paramedic. 2 years of experience as an EMT as a mix of 911 and IFT. I started working as a paramedic about 3 months ago. Even as an EMT and during paramedic school I never really got flustered when things went sideways. Tonight I got truly flustered for the first time and it just felt like everything was going wrong.
We went for an old lady who probably was getting septic: fever, lethargic, elevated HR, elevated RR. first thing that went wrong was my IV wasn’t great, it was super positional which sucked cause she had PIPES, I just didn’t have the vein taught enough and it rolled slightly so I went in at an angle. I had good blood return and it flushed though. Decided to give her fluid challenge of 250mL NS. I forgot to move the BP cuff from the IV arm to the other arm, and that made blood back up into the extension which looks really freaky to patients, and then the fluids wouldn’t flow cause the IV was positional. And then I was trying to fix the excessive fluid in the drip chamber from the BP cuff cause pressure back up, and ended up with a bunch of air got in the line. At this point we were pulling into the ED bay cause it was literally a 4 minute transport and all I could do was disconnect the fluids, pull out the air that had gotten into the saline lock, and then flush it again and lock it. The whole situation just made me feel incompetent even though nothing that happened was really that big of a deal and I handled it all how I was supposed to.
I’ve never been flustered on critical calls before where things went weird so I don’t know why I did in this situation. Just feeling bad about myself and would appreciate words of encouragement!
Edit: I will say I kept my cool pretty well and hid that I was freaking out (I think at least) but felt really shitty afterwards

I am a 16 year old girl and my brother is 27 years old. Growing up, it was mainly just me and my brother. My dad left shortly after I was born and my mom wasn’t around much. I know that my brother took all of the work to make sure that I was healthy and happy, and I can’t thank him enough for what he has done for me. He got a job at 15 to provide for us both while my mom was off doing God knows what. I was around 9 years old when my brother left for college at the age of 20. I remember he promised me that he would always come every weekend to check up on me and give me groceries for the week. For the first two years he kept true to his word. He would come by with food and hang out with me. I was lonely and sad without him, but I managed as best as I could for a child. It wasn’t until he met his girlfriend (now wife) that he changed. He stopped coming over as often, leaving me going hungry. I would text him, asking when he’d be back, and he would give me vague answers. I remember for two weeks I could only eat plan turkey sandwiches because that’s all I had to eat. Those vague answers soon turned into no answers. He would also make promises to me that he wouldn’t keep (e.g. buying me more food, clothes, money, etc.) I think I was around 12 or 13 when he stopped coming by entirely. He would no longer answer my texts and I would get no information about his life. He even had a kid when I was 14 that I didn’t even know about until a few days ago when he messaged me. I had honestly given up in ever contacting him again because it had been years since we last talked. He says that he wants to make up for lost time and that he misses me. I honestly felt so mad in that moment that I wanted to block him, but I didn’t. I instead agreed to meet with him. We met a few days later at the park we grew up nearby. He was there with his wife and son. When he saw me he got teary eyed and tried to hug me, but I pushed him away and told him I don’t like hugs anymore. He seemed hurt and that made me just the slightest bit happy. He started talking about what life was like in and after college and what he’s doing now. He said that now that I’m older he wants to be able to do more stuff with me that he missed out on. To put it bluntly, I went crazy on him. Here is a gist of what I said: “I’ve missed you a lot. I remember always turning on my phone to see if you had even responded to even one of my countless messages. For years I heard not one word out of you. I went hungry and dirty because you were no longer around. I get that you had to live your own life, but I didn’t know it included kicking me out of it. I was basically an orphan because Mom was never around. I was 13 when my period started and I didn’t have any money to buy what I needed. And why do you think that my texts randomly stopped one day? It’s because I have up on you. I gave up on you ever being able to care about me like you used to. Because of you I can’t trust people and what they promise me because I’m afraid they will leave me like you did. So I don’t care if you want to make up for lost time, and I don’t think you can because it’s your fault.” By the end of my rant he was crying and his wife was giving me the death stare. He started apologizing and saying that he didn’t know that was how I felt. I called BS because there is no way he never saw any of those texts I sent. After that I left and sobbed when I got home. I love my brother, I really do, but I don’t think it’s fair for him to try and come back like nothing happened.

Intro:
Today I am reviewing what I believe to be the most disappointing Dhar Mann video of all time. It had potential, I was invested... then Dhar Mann just completely fumbled it. Expect me to get more scathing and frustrated as this review goes on.
This is also a weird twilight zone moment because Azeem, who famously salvages bad Dhar Mann videos, is one of the main contributors to what made this video awful (His character I mean, not Azeem himself).
Review:
Our story begins in the school theatre. Auditions are happening, and our titular dorky girl, Julie (Cecily Dowd), nails it. She does so well, in fact, that the heads of the drama club close up all remaining auditions for that role. That's pretty fucking mean if you ask me. Next up is our titular hot guy, Chase, a jock who hates being a jock. His audition sucks, and the coaches tell him that he's not getting the role.
What the fuck is going on here? Cutting off an audition early is one thing, but outright telling somebody they're not getting the part??? This is like the inverse problem with the tryouts for Bookside's Football team I covered last week. Between this and dismissing all people who haven't auditioned for Julie's role yet, this is super unprofessional.
Disheartened, Chase goes to the back of the theatre to sit with his unnamed narc friends (Azeem Vecchio and Nathan Ing. Knowing that it's these two good actors in this role makes this video just...). We learn that Chase knows he sucks, but he needs to get a role, otherwise his dad will make him play baseball again. We get a namedrop of Chase's bitch of a girlfriend, who blew him off to go shopping. Julie comes by and gives her condolences to Chase. Once she walks away, the narc friends make fun of her, and Chase gets a call from Bitch bitching about shopping or some bullshit. She verbally abuses him and also insists that he sticks to baseball.
Wow, a sympathetic protagonist! This is rare in Dhar Mann. Chase is a good guy, but he's manipulated by an abusive dad and a controlling girlfriend. It doesn't help that his friends suck too.
We cut to lunchtime at school the next day, and typical Dhar Mann plot contrivances occur. The male lead (the role Chase tried out for) turned down the part because he got cast on Broadway... you didn't have to go that far for an excuse Dhar Mann lmao. Oh but the contrivance gets even worse, because apparently the directors are giving Julie full power over who the male lead will be... Excuse me?
Why are the directors letting some random student decide this? This is especially contrived considering we saw how unprofessional and absolutist they were earlier... what the fuck. Anyway, narc friends pressure Chase into doing yet another bad thing: manipulating Julie into casting him by pretending to be romantically interested. This is made even worse by the fact that Julie has had a crush on Chase since they were little. That's fucked up, narc friends. They at least made Chase sympathetic enough to understand why he went along with this.
I have to give it to Chase here, because he doesn't outright ask Julie for the role or even pressure her to give it to him. He approaches her asking to help him get better. He's sincere in his compliments to her about how great her singing and acting is. He gets her number, and they arrange to hangout and practice together. So far, Chase isn't in the wrong yet.
We cut to the next day, in the theatre, where Chase is auditioning by reading a scene with Julie. Once again, I have to give a Dhar Mann video credit on something. It's annoying how his videos always repeat the message of the video word for word, but here, the message is stated in a fictional play that these are reciting. That's a bit more clever if you ask me, and MUCH more tolerable. Nevertheless, the directors are not impressed with Chase. They ask to speak with Julie in private... why? They've already been so mean to Chase right to his face, why hold back now lmao. In any case, the directors really don't like Chase, and Julie, at least for a moment, begrudgingly resolves to tell him he's not getting the part.
Julie tries to let Chase down lightly, and this is where Chase finally enters "in the wrong" territory. In a last ditch effort to keep his shot at landing this role, he lies to Julie by telling her that he likes her. Leaning on somebody who likes you to improve at something? Sure. Having them help you audition with their endorsement? Fine. Lying to them to manipulate them into nepotism? That's wrong and messed up. He even lies to Julie and tells her that him and Bitch broke up. Unfortunately, Julie falls for all of this, and overrides the director's decision.
We cut to Chase hanging out with Bitch at some salon. She never shuts the fuck up until Chase mentions Julie in passing. Chase... buddy... you fuck up here... He tells Bitch about his master plan to manipulate Julie. Why do characters in Dhar Mann snitch on themselves so fucking much?!
Julie and Chase are reading lines that mimic their situation a little too closely. That in itself is fine, I just reaaaally hope that they don't break the 4th wall (and insult our intelligence) by acknowledging this. Chase and Julie start genuinely bonding and it's actually an immersive romance for once. They find out they have so much in common and we see a spark form. Even having watched this before, I genuinely forgot about Chase's plan. For the first time, ever, Chase is realizing that Bitch doesn't even remotely care about him the same way that Julie does.
For once, I actually enjoy a montage. The music actually fits, and we see a lot of cute romantic moments. It's so heartwarming, in a way that Dhar Mann videos fail to tug at my heartstrings. Like I said, I was sooooo invested in this video and it had so much potential.
We cut to the day of the show, and Chase's narc friends... oh, right, these clowns still exist... they sneak backstage and support Chase... sort of. They don't congratulate him on a job well done, they congratulate him on manipulating Julie and talk mad shit about her... like why don't you guys just fuck off and get a life already? They leave, and Julie walks, with a massive glowup! Literally every other Dhar Mann character glowup sucks except for this one. Not only are 99% of the now "hot" people at the very median of the bell-curve, but even IF they actually were that attractive, NOBODY reacts irl with the hyperbolic drooling that Dhar Mann characters do. This glow up works because they don't put Julie on a pedestal, nobody ogles her, and nobody suddenly acts really nice to her. It's a much more realistic, Chase tells her she's beautiful, and that's it.
Chase and Julie absolutely knock it out of the park on stage, and the crowd goes wild! This is the only time I recall getting shivers from a video in a Dhar Mann video. The chemistry is so real, for one and one time only in Dhar Mann! Backstage again, Chase and Julie share a romantic moment, but they're still in intermission, so Julie leaves momentarily.
We are at 17 minutes of this 22 minute video. It was good for 17 minutes. These last 5 minutes are all completely fucking downhill... Dhar Mann absolutely FUMBLED this video in the remaining time!!!!
I genuinely stopped writing and watching for a minute to brace myself for how enraged I am going to get from this point out...
Narc friends sneak back stage again and... how does this keep happening?! And sure they tell him he's awesome and all, which is new, but other than that, they give the EXACT FUCKING SAME exposition that they did before the play started. Even in the context of this story, why? Why do this again? Oh, and they don't just loudly announce Chase's plan quietly among themseleves, they fucking declare this shit so loud that the entire world can hear. Including Julie...
Julie is obviously devastated, but what's even worse is that the narc friends just fucking skedaddle. Some fucking friends, right? They seriously left Chase alone to endure Julie's wrath. Even IF they don't know that Chase developed genuine feelings for Julie, isn't it still in their best interest to help Chase so he doesn't have to play baseball again?! At the very very very very least, the friends should say something like "dont blame Chase! He's a good guy, this was all our idea and we put him up to it!" but no. They just take off. No retribution. No consequences. Nothing. Chase gets the entirety of the rage and the blame.
The whole "I was using you at first but grew to actually like you" trope is something common in Dhar Mann. Dhar has made complete assholes get off scot-free and have a happy ending. Here you have a genuine guy who made a mistake and knows it, and he gets the absolute worst of it.
Oh, it gets even worse though... because in another extreme coincidence, this is THE ONE AND ONLY TIME that Bitch decides to care about Chase's life, and show up backstage (HOW ARE SO MANY AUDIENCE MEMBERS GOING BACK DURING INTERMISSION???) to give PDA right in front of Julie. Bitch literally says right in front of Julie "Why is she crying? Did she find out you were just pretending to like her?" Like holy fuck this is overkill! You don't need to narc on Chase this goddamn much!
Despite everything I just said post the 17 minute mark... This video had one more chance for redemption. Dhar Mann could have, and came soooooo close to redeeming this mess... I have to brace myself once again.
In the second half of the show, Julie's tone is much more scathing, while Chase's is completely timid. Usually I hate when, in fiction, people resolve their conflicts on stage by "being themselves", but here... it works. Chase breaks character and gives a sincere, honest apology and plea for forgiveness. I know I've used this phrase a lot, but it is such a heartfelt moment. If any character in Dhar Mann ever deserved forgiveness and a second chance for being genuinely repentant, it is Chase. Hell, even the entire damn audience is rooting for Chase and wants Julie to forgive and embrace him!
20 minute mark. 2 minutes remain, and we just had another peak moment after a valley, so surely this video can't fuck it up... right?
Julie runs off stage and the director calls an impromptu intermission. But then we cut to the next day at school... What? No! You can't just not tell us what happened the rest of the night and what became of the show!
Chase goes up to Julie at her locker with a gift of their favorite food. Chase tells Julie that he broke up with Madison, much to Julie's indifference. Chase is wearing a "so you see..." backpack by the way... Dhar Mann was INTENT on ruining this video holy shit.
Julie tells Chase that she talked to the director and they have decided to recast Chase's rol- HUH?! What??? What the fuck do you mean recast his role?? They JUST HAD the show!!! What do you mean for the rest of the run? That's not how school plays work. And no, there's no bullshit about it just going on a few more days of this weekend, because Julie specifically says that she can't bring herself to dance with Chase EVERY weekend!
I started banging my head into my desk once Julie said "Did you not learn anything from the show? Like my character says: The truth doesn't cost you-" AHHHH fuck off. The one and only time you had a somewhat clever way of veiling the message of the video, you had to fuck it up Dhar Mann by having her just outright point to the intended message... Julie takes the food and walks away. The end.
Outro:
...yes... that's actually how they decided to end this. What the fucking fuck? This is so incredibly anticlimactic and absolutely nothing is resolved. Chase is still under the abuse of his dad, his narc friends are off scot free, and Julie is still crushed. Dhar Mann has redeemed absolutely irredeemable scumbags and given happy endings to sociopaths, but Chase of all characters ends up with an EVEN SHITTIER life than how the video started?! This is even worse with the next suggested video being Anna from "Nerds Get Revenge on Cool Teens", an absolute fucking cunt of character who gets off scot-free and suffers no penalties for the shitty things she does INCLUDING USING SOMEBODY ROMANTICALLY, which she neither regrets nor suffers repercussions for. Just get the fuck out of my face already. Fuck this video, fuck the suggested video, and fuck Dhar Mann for ruining one of the only potentially good videos he ever made.
Sorry for how heated I got in this review. I can assure you that no other video even comes close to disappointing me on this level. It just... you know what, nevermind, I've said everything I need to say.
See you all next week for another review! Leave any recommendations below!

Okay, we've all seen the Palestine protest by now. We've all argued whether they should have the right to do this, how disruptive they should be allowed to be, how they need to be disruptive to raise awareness, how they want their demands heard. Well mission accomplished, I'm aware, I'm paying attention to their demands. And their demands are kinda fucked up.
But let these people speak for themselves and tell you what they want. Here's a video of a protest they had today
It starts off harmless. But listen. around 0:25, they start chanting "Settlers, Settlers, go back home". Followed immediately by "Palestine is ours alone". Take this with a grain of salt, because I didn't get it on camera. But later on, they started chanting "We don't want a two-state".
I don't want to get too deep in the weeds of history. Really, I don't want to let thousand year blood feuds inform policy today.
What really matters is this. There is a region of land known by some as Israel, and people are living there right now. Call them settlers if you want, but if these protestors want Israeli's to "go home" because they "don't want a two-state" and "Palestine is [theirs] alone", they'd have to launch a military assault to take control of the region called Israel. We have a word for that. War.
And after they've taken control of that region? What then? Not everyone will be just pack up and go, so the ones who don't behave will need to be "dealt with". We have a word for that too. Genocide.
Look, I get it. Netanyahu is cretin who deserves to rot. The actions he and the Israel Defense Force (IDF) are taking are evil. I used to think that they were sincerely interested in just rooting out Hamas, but after seeing how determined they are to drive civilians out of their homes, and hearing what upper folks in the IDF are saying, it's clear; this is a genocide, or at least an attempt at one.
If you're supporting these protests because you're against the actions of the IDF, I get it. But the people you are camping with aren't good people. They are folks who, in Israel's position, would be doing exactly what Israel is, just to a different set of people. I believe you when you say that you're against war and genocide. So please, stop lending your support to people who want that exact thing.
And if you already know all this, but don't care...
If you can say "settlers go home" "Palestine is ours alone" and "we don't want a two-state" fully knowledgeable about what that entails...
Well, first of all, fuck you. But hey, it's free country. You're allowed to be a genocidal freak. Just be honest about it. Stop pretending you want peace or a ceasefire; you don't. You're not pro-ceasefire, you're pro-genocide. The only reason you're upset is because you want group A to be the victims of a genocide, instead of group B.

I've done multiple Google searches and nothing has even a whiff of familiarity. I remember in my long ago days of reading graphic novels uploaded to 4chan one in particular (and these are my time worn memories in broad strokes, so please forgive me) featured a man living a normal life until one day he gets up in the middle of the night to grab a snack and experiences a psychotic break. Like, a full "vision from God" kind of episode with overtones of Hieronymus Bosch and word salad. He essentially abandons his life (leaving his family behind, if I recall, very sad) and the rest of the story is his life on the streets trying to survive while wrestling with a mental illness he cannot understand or express. I recall him performing "rituals" to keep the visions at bay (doing illicit drugs, calling alcohol "potions, elixirs" etc) and just generally the pov switching between his own fractured psyche and the real world around him essentially treating him as if he didn't exist, which only drives him deeper into his own fantasy world. The one other detail I can clearly recall (and that Google cannot pull a result for, confound it all) is one of the issues covers being him (the protagonist) cowering in front of his open refrigerator while the rest of the frame is crowded with all sorts of hellish, bizarre creatures swarming around him urgently, one in particular being, of all things, the floating head of Abraham Lincoln with a fishes' body beneath it, and lights glowing from his eyes and mouth. You'd think enough key words would bring this picture up, but no dice. If this scratches at all of something you remember, I would be ever so grateful to you for sharing! Cheers.

In the Era of Fear I Comfort them with Great Love
Anita Moorjani was cured from cancer not because of a certain medicine, vaccine or chemotherapy. She was cured because of this Great Love. Anita Moorjani is a forty years old woman who is simple and honest. She was born in India, grew up in Singapore and was English educated. Later she went to Hong Kong. She knows Tamil, English and Cantonese. In 2002 the doctor said that she was down with cancer lymphoma or the blood cell tumor. After four years, in 2006 seventy percent of her body is covered with the cancerous cells. She stayed in the hospital, suffering terribly because of this illness. Later the doctor pronounced her death. After three days she woke up and was cured miraculously. This is truly inconceivable when she woke up from her death. In her mind she was very sure she was cured already. No treatment was needed. But she was very weak. She could not even talk. The doctor was surprised of her condition and again they carried out a checking on her body and found that she was free from all symptoms of cancer. In her mind she knew she was already cured. In her mind there was a great transformation that she personally experienced. And all the cells on her body were transformed into healthy cells. Later she wrote a book entitles: After dying once I finally learn to love’ By looking at this title, it coincides with Master Shan Dao’s teaching on the one with deep faith in the dharma. He said, ‘Standing here is waiting to die. Going forward is also death. Turning back, I too cannot escape from death.’ This can be found in the ‘Analogy of two rivers and one white lane’ the three sure deaths. If we have died once, we will truly give ourselves up. This is the same as the Pure Land teaching that we have to admit we are the sinful mundane man. We lose all hope as we have no ways to leave the triple realm. In cultivation we need to really undergo a total death in order to really practise the path. The zen cultivator says this is known as undergoing great death and great living. Otherwise, no real cultivation can be expected because most of us are very arrogant, very self-centred, without much changes in our stubborn mindset. That is why she said after dying once only she managed to learn how to love. In the Pure Land door this is known as having deep faith. Such a man will surely have faith in Amitabha’s 48 vows to gather in living beings without any doubts and suspicion. By relying on the strength of the Buddha’s Vows we will surely attain a rebirth. This is living in the great love of Namo Amitabha Buddha. We receive the love of Amitabha Buddha. Only then we can have the genuine love and we are able to learn to love. If we do not feel the love of Amitabha Buddha, we will not know how to love. Our love will be frightening as it is an attachment, a desire to control, to possess others. Such a love is impure, it is a threat to us. If we are not careful it might turn into hatred. Such is a frightful kind of love. If we learn from Amitabha Buddha, the love is pure, without condition and transparent. This is truly loving a person. It is not easy to learn this. We look at the couples around us. So many got married and end up in divorce. How about those who do not get a divorce? Yes, they spend the whole life fighting！The truly loving couples are as few as the stars in the broad day light. So, learning to love is our homework for the whole life. It is not easy. Today I would like to discuss this passage with you. After reading her writing I feel most shameful as what the author has said is very true in accord with her experience. Even though I have left home for more than twenty years, receiving the teaching of the Buddha, the guidance of the patriarch, the exhortation of my Master, the help of my lotus friends and all, I still feel I am lacking in genuine practice and virtues. On the contrary this lady has not met with the Buddha Dharma. She has such an awakening after dying once, it is truly a gain for her. She said, ‘After my body stopped functioning, I entered into another world.’ She was so seriously ill that her heart, her liver and everything stopped functioning. This is to show there is a world after death. She said, ‘I saw myself as a very wonderful person. This is because I was not terrorised until I had a change in shape.’ ‘I felt there was this vibrant energy around me and I was able to enter it. I realise if a man can see his wonderful existence, he must be the happiest man.’ Most of us like to complain about our imperfect existence. We often think thus, ‘I do not have enough money. I am not healthy. I am not pretty. I do not have enough clothing ….’ Here we must learn to see the good points in us, to appreciate the value of our existence. A woman who can say like this is truly very calm in mind. A man who always complains about himself will not be able to live happily each day. So, without knowing the love of Amitabha for us, we will be a great complainer. We complain about no money, we complain about our look, our wrinkles and so on and so forth. What kind of life will this be with so many complaints? She said, ‘I found that there was this power surrounding me.’ When we pass away, we will no longer be using our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind to observe. Instead, we will be awakened to our innate Buddha. She felt she is surrounded by this vibrant field of energy and she is also this energy. What kind of power is this? It is a kind of energy. It is always in the universe or the dharma realm in the Buddhist terms. In fact, this is Amitabha Buddha. This is the strength of the Buddha Nature. She uses her Buddha Nature to experience the Buddha Nature. It exists forever. It is neither born nor become extinct. If the Buddha enters the world or does not enter the world, it is always there without changing. Of course, she does not use these Buddhist terms. She said, ‘When I give up the attachment to the mundane world, I enter another world effortlessly. It is unnecessary to pray, to recite a sutra or to give a dharma talk. It is unnecessary to seek forgiveness, repentance or other methods.’ ‘Death gives me the feeling that I do not need to do anything. It is just as though I am telling someone I am coming to the end. I cannot do anything anymore. I give up. Whatever you want to do I will just accept.’ I feel that this passage is very near in meaning to the Pure Land’s view. It means when we die, we have just to let go as nothing can be done anymore. Most people die in torment as there are many attachments in this world. They are worried about their children, money and work. Some people find it difficult to die. So, from here we must learn to let go when it is our turn to leave the world. Moreover, we have the promise from Amitabha Buddha who will come to receive us in accord with the strength of his vows. It is much easier for us. This lady just let go and she entered another world. Her state should be quite high too. I will explain below. I feel that she had arrived at the border of the Pure Land. Her state of an awakened mind showed that she was not in the heaven. She seemed to be enlightened to the Buddha nature and non -existence of a self. She experienced the light of enlightenment and returned to life, to lead a life of love. So, in our practice we are told to let go of all attachment and to wish for a rebirth in the Pure Land relying on Amitabha’s strength of vows. So from here we can see it is very easy to be born in the World of Ultimate Bliss. She said it is unnecessary to recite a sutra, a dharma or seeking for forgiveness. She enters the other world naturally when she simply gives up herself. I remember once I went with my Master to console a dying man. I was very touched by my Master’s words. He said kindly to the man who is on the verge of death, ‘So and so, now we will recite Namo Amitabha Buddha. If you can recite, then recite together. If you can’t, just lay down and relax. It is ok if you just listen to our recitation.’ Are not these words very comforting? The dying man will feel very safe and relax. But if you were to say, ‘So and so, this is the last chance. Bring out all your strength to face death. If you can recite then recite together. If you cannot recite, you must try also!’ On listening to this threat, the sick man is stressed out. He will die instantly as he has no strength to join in recitation. The Master who with his great love understands the rescue of Amitabha Buddha is a natural process that he is able to say in such a comforting way. No condition is needed. There is no threat nor fright in his words. A man who threatens people is not calm as he must be frightened too in his mind. That is why what he says will frighten people, giving stress to others. If we are loving in our mind, our words will only bring love, peace and calm to others. People will feel our love for them. So, this lady says it is unnecessary to read or recite any prayer or seeking forgiveness. This is because the wavelength of her mind is on a par with the great love of the universe. She naturally enters it. Namo Amitabha Buddha is a dharma that requires no seeking or pleading. It is a dharma of rescue without condition. When we recite Namo Amitabha Buddha, the wavelength of our mind is the same as Amitabha Buddha. So, we will attain a rebirth naturally. Many of us who do not understand the kindness of Amitabha Buddha will seek a rebirth by pleading to the Buddha every day. His mind is unsettled and frightened that he might be left out. This is because he does not understand when he recites the Buddha’s name, the wavelength of his mind is in the same frequency with Amitabha Buddha’s mind and vows. Then people will ask, ‘Do we still go to recite the Buddha’s Name for the dying man?’ ‘Yes, of course.’ This is because the dying man has yet to understand this point. When we recite for him, he will be safe in the shine of Namo Amitabha Buddha. This is a method which is bestowed upon us to save us with this Name in accord with the strength of the Buddha’s vows. When she says to somebody, this refers to Amitabha Buddha. She says she cannot do anything anymore and she gives up. She gives herself up to the Buddha. So, when we die do not try to fight with death and refuse to die. We must just admit we are the offender and we need the help of Amitabha Buddha to take us, to rescue us. Namo is to admit we take refuge in the Buddha, we surrender ourselves. When we cultivate this door, we must not add in our ideas. We must just let Amitabha Buddha to decide for us. This is because Amitabha has the power of great vow, the extensive great strength of the Buddha Nature, the strength of immeasurable light, the strength of immeasurable lifespan. We just have to give up all planning. He will plan for us. So, when we recite the Name of the Buddha, just recite without thinking of doing this or that trying so hard to reach a certain acceptable standard. These are all unnecessary. This type of thinking is the habit of the sagely path cultivators. When we sit on the plane, just sit there. The plane will bring you to your destiny. It is unnecessary for you to help the plane to fly. Amitabha Buddha the pilot does not need you to fly the plane. If he needs your help then he is not known as Amitabha Buddha. Anita said, ‘In the other world, I found that my mind is very clear and bright. I realise by myself that I will only die out of the fear and terror in my mind.’ These words are very true. Clarity of mind means her mind is pure. In this world our mind is turbid, dark and deluded. That is why are enveloped in all kinds of worries and terror. But once we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally be pure and bright. This is because the land is pure and is enveloped in bright illumination. She said she naturally know she will be cured. This knowing ability is possessed by us originally. No learning is needed because our Buddha nature is originally pure and bright. In the Saha world our ability is being covered up by afflictions. But when we arrive at the World of Ultimate Bliss, we will naturally possess this ability. This ability reappears relying on the strength of Vows of Amitabha Buddha. When we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally possess the ability to make offerings to the Buddha. On hearing one sentence we are enlightened to the millions. Our mind is opened up to the thousands of million Dharanis. Everyone of us have this innate ability. And Amitabha Buddha’s strength of Vows enhances its opening. In this Saha World our innate nature is all covered up and cannot function. In the world of ultimate bliss, by relying on Amitabha Buddha’s strength of great vows, our innate ability is open up. So they are not contradicting. ‘I naturally know the source of the thought that I will die. The source is I was frightened. If there is no fear, there is no death.’ In actuality there is no death. It is only our fear of death that this illusion comes froth. In Buddha dharma we should know death itself is an illusion. Time is also an illusion. That is why the Buddha speaks all the Sutra in this manner, ‘Thus have I heard, at one time the Buddha was…..’ No specific time is stated. Now the physics has proven its illusory. As time is an illusion, it does not exist. Let me give you an example of what is meant by death. It is as if we are driving a car into a tunnel. The shape of the tunnel resembles that of a tomb. And we keep on driving into it. We say we are entering the tomb, that we are going to die soon. We are threatened as the entrance represents death. We continue on our journey in the tunnel and later leave the tunnel, again travelling on our way to another destiny. The entrance of the tunnel, the funeral wreath looks like the tomb. For us, death is a terrible idea that we are fearful of it. We do not know life is a continuity and there is no death. It is our wrong concept that there is this section of birth and death. No one can do anything about it until they personally realise it. ‘I am unable to live out my real self as I have too much worried.’ Most of us live in this world wearing a mask. If everyone of us is free to show our real self this is the most beautiful side of a self. Why cannot we live the way we should live? It is because we are always burdened with worries. We are worried we are not good enough. We are worried that our parents will scold us. We are worried our teacher will get angry and criticize us. We are worried about losing face. We only live for others. We lose our life away trying to accord to others’ expectation. We lose the light of a happy life. Our life is controlled by all these worrisome thoughts. But if we truly recite the Buddha’s Name, our mind will be at ease. Amitabha Buddha takes away our worries by replacing them with Namo Amitabha Buddha. We will realise all these worries and views are not important and we will gradually pay no attention to them. Our true life is Buddha recitation. That is our real identity. Our mind will be at ease as we will pay no attention to those unreal things, words and ideas. Our worries only arise when we care too much about the mundane matters. The author has not learnt about Buddhism. This is her experience in death. What she has written is very personal, true experience, not something that we learn from a book. Her experience gives her an awakening to the reality of life and she lives out her life in this awakening. I saw her video and I feel she is an enlightened person. An enlightened person may not be replete with spiritual penetration. But she will reveal her love in her daily living. She is calm at ease and without any sense of fear in her mind. She leads her life in a genuine way. She said, ‘I know that cancer is not a punishment neither is it a retribution. Cancer is my energy capacity which reveals itself on my body. Because of my fear I am unable to reveal the beautiful self in me. And this is the job which should be carried out by me. I know that cancer is not a punishment which is forced on me. It is not an external force of retribution.’ This is what we often do when certain things happen, we will try to find an excuse or put the blame on reward or retribution. We treat the misfortune with anger and hatred. We often have this tendency to catogorise every happening in accord with the cause or reason. In Buddhism we talk about cause and effect. As she is not a Buddhist she says, ‘Cancer appears as a result of a change in my energy capacity. This energy shows itself in the form of cancer.’ This is because she lives in fear and worries. She does not live out her real happy self. So if we the Buddha recitation cultivators are able to reveal the bright side of life, to live without worries, there will be no more cancer for us. This is her understanding about life. That is why I have often said, ‘Lead a life of a mundane man and recite the Buddha’s Name sincerely.’ We should lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Our life will be full of light and blessings. And we will become more loving. Finally we will lead a comfortable life and people around us will be comfortable also. This itself is the propagation of the dharma of love. Otherwise, if we cannot live a loving life, there is no point talking about anything as they will be useless. Anita said, ‘In that state which is vast and limitless, I found that I am too strict with myself. I keep on whipping myself.’ Can we feel the existence of being vast and limitless? No. We are often limited by our surrounding. As she had entered the limitless vastness, she is able to know her whole life. She knows her fault is being too strict with herself. In fact, most of us are very strict with ourselves, demanding ourselves to be like this or that. She said, ‘No one is punishing me. The person whom I cannot forgive is I myself. I have abandoned myself. I do not love myself. This matter is none of others’ business.’ No one from outside comes to punish us. It is we who punish ourselves. We cannot forgive our selves. We add on a lot of unnecessary locks and chains on ourselves. What is more for us the Buddha reciters? If we recite the Buddha’s name and on the other hand, we add on ourselves lots of locks and chains whence Amitabha Buddha is trying to unlock us, isn’t this a most pitiful situation?’ She said that she had abandoned herself. It means we throw ourselves away and become a lone ranger, an isolated person living a life of sadness, a live without love. Look at a baby. Her eyes are clear as the baby is a simple being, just like a simple puppies or baby cat. The baby can play with chickens, puppis as she does not give rise to diffentiation. Not everyone of us is like Anita. But every one of us can recite the Buddha’s name. When we recite the Buddha’s name, we will be calm. Amitabha Buddha said, ‘In the world of fear I comfort them with great love.’ It is because all the worries are gone when we accomplish Buddhahood at the Pure Land. We will not be so worried about our poverty, health problem, ugliness, stupidity, inability to recite a sutra, a mantra. All these are unimportant as finally I will become a Buddha in the Buddha Land. We will be more humorous. For example, if we are ugly we will use it as a joke. It does not matter at all. Because all the external states are not you. The real self, our real life is the Buddha’s Name. It is our true identity. It will bring ease to our mind. A baby is pure. But as it grows up, it starts to abandon himself. A baby resembles a glass of pure water. When he grows up, his greed starts to accumulate when he wants a toy, a book, good results, money, benefits, fame women and so on. All these are placed in the glass of water. Everything is a piece of mud that we put in out glass. The more we put into the glass, the more the water will flow out. This water is the genuine self. We abandon the true self, chase it out with our greed. We fill ourselves with all the rubbish. The genuine blessings and bliss are chased away. We lead an opaque life without transparency. Our life become a glass of muddy water and we live in great torment. The more we obtain, the more we lose ourselves. That is why the Buddha is truly kind. He and his disciples lead a life of a beggar. When you have nothing, you will be happy and relax. The mind retains its purity. Human beings are deluded as they think to possess a wife, children, a house, a car are called blessings. A man who truly loves himself does not love money, sex, fame, food, sleep. These five desires are the knives that will cut us into pieces and bring on great sufferings. Anita said, ‘I realise I am the child of the beautiful universe. As long as I exist, I will obtain this unconditional love.’ This is very good. I would like to make the following changes, ‘I realize that I am the son of the adorned Amitabha Buddha.’ In Buddhism we use adorned to replace the word beautiful. The universe is this Amitabha Buddha. In the Sutra we are told Amitabha Buddha is the Treasury Body of the Dharma Realm. Amitabha Buddha exists in the whole of the Dharma Realm. Of course, there are also the reward body and transformation bodies beside the dharma body. Amitabha Buddha is the immeasurable wisdom and lifespan. Anita says that the universal energy is abundant and inexhaustible, vast and without limits. This is the existence of the Buddha Nature. She says as long as she exists, she will surely obtain the unconditional love. I often also say, ‘No conditions are required for us to receive the love and rescue of Amitabha Buddha.’ Let us take the analogy of a tree. As long as it exists, it will receive the sunlight. No other condition is needed. So it is the same for the house and everything on earth. Amitabha Buddha’s Name is also known as the Light that Far-surpassing the Sun and Moon. Amitabha Buddha’s light pervasively illumines all the living beings and things in the world. As long as we exist, we will receive the light of the Buddha, the protection of his loving kindness and rescue. It is unnecessary for us to become somebody so as to receive the unconditional rescue of Amitabha Buddha. Our Master Hui Jing also wrote a book on the ‘Unconditional Rescue of the Buddha.’ Some people cannot believe. He says, ‘If this is the case everyone will commit evils.’ Such a thinking is negative and full of fear as his mind is dwelling in darkness. He is afraid that the world will go upside down. He cannot understand that as long as there is the existence, may they be a cat, a dog, a hell being, they will be taken care of by Amitabha Buddha. The only condition is they exist. This reminds me of the words of Great Master Tan Luan, ‘The future scholars who hear about the rescue of the Buddha, the rescue that relies on other’s strength, he should give rise to faith. Do not refuse such a chance. It is being stupid.’ Do not think that you should do this and that to obtain the rescue? Amitabha Buddha did not ask you to do anything. He says, ‘Living beings in the ten directions who have faith in me.’ It means they exist and the Buddha will be there to save them. Buddha recitation is not a condition. It is just a method of saving. Anita says, ‘I do not have to do anything to obtain this love.’ Just like a blade of grass in the water. Does it need to do anything to obtain water? It is unnecessary. As long as it exists, it is surrounded by the water. As long as we exist, we are surrounded by the love of Amitabha Buddha. We do not need to do anything to obtain this love and care. Once we know this, we will be fearless and calm at ease. This is the same as the sunlight which shine on the mountain and also the valley. In our life no matter what level we are we will receive the illumination of Amitabha Buddha. Anita says, ‘No prayer, no seeking is needed.’ Amitabha’s rescue is there always. As long as we recite, we will be saved by him. Amitabha Buddha says, ‘All living beings in the ten directions who call on me will be saved by me. You only have to say out my name.’ You say you are dumb and cannot call the name. Such a man who understands the rescue of Buddha will also be saved even if he cannot pronounce the Name. But if you are unwilling, you are creating an obstacle for yourself. That is why our dharma door is known as the ‘The Dharma is taught without being asked.’, the ‘Befriend us without being asked’. As long as we trust him, he will come personally to take us to his Pure Land. On hearing that nothing is needed to be done, some will be confused. They want to do something, to clean the altar, to change the water, to offer some fruits and incense, to sit in meditation and so on. They think this will help them to attain a rebirth. They have to do something. They do not realise what they need to do is to reveal the beautiful self, to lead the adorned life and let themselves become the love. As long as we sit there and lead a loving life we are in accord with the love of the Buddha Amitabha. When the sun is shining, you say, ‘It is good. A shiny day.’ When it is raining, you say, ‘Very good. It is raining now.’ When it snows, you say, ‘Good, I love snow.’ This way of living is to add the positive loving energy to this universe. You are spreading the pure and harmony energy to the universe. In the Buddha Dharma it is known as the lights shine on one another. The whole universe will receive the positive energy of your loving and harmonious mind. So, what you need to do is to recite Namo Amitabha Budda loudly, softly, silently. All will be ok. If we live this way, Amitabha Buddha will be most happy to see us. It is just like a child who is sleeping in the cradle. Doing nothing. What do you think? Will the mother be happy to see him like that? Yes, of course. She will be very glad with him just sleeping there. Nothing has to be done. A child in the arms of his mother is the revelation of total trust. And this is the same for us to be in the arms of Amitabha Buddha. We just relax and trust him. We will lead a happy life. And this is the genuine way of living in accord with the love of oneself. More often than not we lead a life with worries, fear, twisted emotions and trying to cover up our faults. Our adorned life cannot be revealed. Everyday, we live in fear and worries. This is adding chains and locks to ourselves. Anita says, ‘I have never truly loved myself before. I have never valued my existence. I have never seen the adorned soul in me.’ She uses soul to describe herself. In the Buddha Dharma this refers to the beauty and adorned Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I am so beautiful yet I have never realised it. It is replaced with the hard facts of mundane existence. I decay because I do not understand my beautiful soul.’ In the Buddha Dharma it is described as all living beings are originally the Buddha. Yet we do not live, in accord with our Buddha Nature. We are often controlled by our mundane existence, the salary, the examination results and such like. We forget of our Buddha Nature. We lead a life of decay, a life of erosion. This is the General path of Buddhism. From the angle of Buddha Recitation, the rescue of Amitabha is always with us, only that we do not realise it. We try all kinds of methods hoping for the Buddha to rescue us. We do not know that we just have to admit we are the mundane men who are covered with offences. There is no other way to save ourselves if we do not rely on Amitabha Buddha. Then we let go and recite the Buddha’s Name wholeheartedly. This is the way to be saved by the Buddha. But most people cannot understand this. They want to do something good, to be pretentious and make out something good of himself, to scold people for their lacking in virtues and such like. This is against the practise of this pure land door. Why cannot the people in the world see their pretention? It is because they are also not living a true life. Their eyes are not clear enough to see through this pretention. A fake man sees something fake and he will treat it as genuine. A clear -headed man will surely be able to see through all these false masks. If we were to wear a false mask for too long it will be difficult to remove it. It has grown on to our skin. It will be painful if we want to remove this fake mask. So it takes time for us to loosen this false mask as we have been wearing them for too long. Anita says, ‘This understanding makes me realise that I do not have to be frightened anymore.’ There is no more fear in her mind. It is a mind of calm and bliss. It is a mind which is full of hope. It is a comforting mind that can soothe others. With this calm and happy mind it is already a contribution to all around us. It is already a protection and mindfulness to all around us. We do not have to do anything at all. Most of us live in fear. We pay for insurance because we are afraid when we get old, we have no money, no money to pay the medical fees. We get married out of fear that we will be lonely. Why do we give birth to children? We are afraid no one will take care of us at old age. Why do we go to school? It is because we are afraid of our mother’s anger. Why must we study hard? We are afraid of our teacher. Why do we go to university? We are afraid people will look down on us. Can we live without fear? We cannot. Even our mother who loves us so much say we will suffer if we do not study hard. From our young age we receive the education of fear. We are threatened by our beloved parents, our responsible teachers. We do not receive the education of love. So, if we love our children, do not add fear to them. We must give only love and courage so that they can face life with their original positive energy, positive strength. This is because the world is full of twisted people, fake people, suffering people. There are very few upright men, genuine men, happy and hopeful men around. I only hope all of you my lotus friends will bring up a future generation who is upright, genuine, happy and hopeful with the strength of Amitabha Buddha. So, we must lead a life based on the right values taught by Amitabha Buddha. If we teach our child to fight for self -benefit, to contend with others, we are making them blind so that they do not see the truth of life. This is harming them. If we are enlightened to this, we will only rely on Amitabha Buddha. We are not afraid to be lonely. We will be at ease. Those who see the light, the warmth of the Buddha will no longer be frightened. Anita says, ‘I realise this is a state that can be reached by myself and everyone.’ In Zen sect it is said all living beings are Buddha. In the Buddha recitation door, everyone can recite the Name, everyone can attain a rebirth and everyone can accomplish Buddhahood. This is the bestowment by Amitabha Buddha. All the things that we fight for may not be beneficial to us. Everything that benefits us are often free. For example, the air we take in every instant is free. We do not pay to stand on the earth. We do not pay to look at the sky above. Whatever we fight and earn to get are valueless. Everything that is valuable is free. In the general practice it is said, ‘No cultivation is the cultivation. Nothing is obtainable. This is the state of a bodhisattva. The original face of all dharma often dwells in the mark of still extinction. Our Buddha Nature is replete with all merits and virtues. We cannot cultivate anything to enhance it. This is because all the things that we can do are only dreams, illusion, bubbles and shadow. Whatever that we do, that we create are not in accord with our Buddha Nature. The Buddha Nature is always there, original and shining out naturally. And in our Pure Land Dharma, whatever we have offered, whatever we have done are not the causes for our attainment of a rebirth. Attaining a rebirth is the state of nothing doing. It stays apart from creation or doing. It is a natural state. Reciting Namo Amitabha Buddha helps us to return to this state. Anita said, ‘So I decided to return to the mundane world.’ She has enlightened to the opportunity of life and she decided to come back to tell us about life. Just like many Pure Land cultivators who say that they will not come back any more to sufferings. Yet when they arrive at the Pure Land and brings forth the Bodhi mind, they will come back by themselves to help other beings. Anita said, ‘When I was on the verge of death, I realised the universe comes forth from unconditional love. I am one of the revelations of this love in my present form.’ For the scientists they will say the universe is made from electron, protons, neutrons and so on. This is talking only at the surface level, the materials. But as she talked from her true experienc,e she can see all the things, all the people are the expression of this universal love. When she comes back from death, she deeply penetrates the genuine love the mother universe and her wavelength is in accord with the universal love. She comes back as a healthy woman. So once there is a change in our mind set, the body, the people and the surroundings will also change. In the eyes of Buddha and Bodhisattva there is no differentiation of filth and purity. Everything is pure and adorned in its own expression. Every one of us is the art piece of this unconditional love or in the Buddha’s words, the Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I cannot change into another form as it is my original expression, original nature of this unconditional love.’ Everything that exists is the expression of the Buddha Nature. Even something which is defiled or unwholesome is also part of the expression of this unconditional everlasting love. That is why the Buddha says, ‘All the Dharma from the original state dwells constantly in still extinction.’ Still extinction refers to Nirvana the state of the Buddha. So, when we recite the Buddha’s Name we will enter the Buddha’s dwelling. ‘The energy capacity of the strength of life forms derives from love. And I am made from the universal energy capacity. On knowing this, I realise I do not need to become somebody else. And my true value will not be depreciated too.’ Anita said, So, it is unnecessary for us to become another man. A business man does not need to become Jack Ma. Why is this so? It is because you are equal to him. He is not higher than you. He has the Buddha Nature and you also have the Buddha Nature. Every one is equal. So we do not need to measure in terms of money especially if we truly know the benefits of Buddha recitation. In the eyes of the Buddha every one of us is a shining star. We do not need to chase after another star. Just imagine the havoc it will be when the stars do not dwell in its orbit and try to chase after another star. What a chaos the universe will become. Everyone of our existence is in perfect conditions in the eyes of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘This is the I that I have always wanted to be.’ she said. We must learn to appreciate ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. This ‘I’ is invaluable under the unconditional love of the Rescue of Amitabha Buddha. We are his precious sons, the pearls on his hand. If we are accepted by the Buddha, we will be so happy as we will have no complaint about ourselves. We are often surrounded by people who keep on complaining about us. The first one is our mother who says that we are not clever, we have low marks. We are not filial. We earn too little. See how our mother teaches us not to appreciate ourselves. Then we are blamed by our teacher, our classmates, our girl -friend and so on. Then comes Amitabha Buddha who studies us and says, ‘Put aside all the complaints. You are qualified to attain Buddhahood. No problem at all. I give you 100 percent.’ That is why we Buddha Recitation Practitioners are always at ease under the shine of Amitabha Buddha who give us the confirmation. This is the greatest benefits the Buddha bestows upon us. Buddhism brings hope and bliss to the world, the universe. So, in this life’s time we must try our best to lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Do not be swayed by the mundane values, mundane eyes, mundane perspective. We rely only on the outlook of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘Once we know that we are this love, it is unnecessary to purposely go forth to shower love on others. As long as we are faithful to our original nature, we will automatically become the tools of love, touching the hearts of everyone who have affinity with us.’ This part of her speech is very good. If we are already the lamp, there is no need for us to go out purposely to shine on others. The lamp just stands at its place and it manages to brighten up the place. So, when we are the LOVE, we will naturally touch those around us with our love. Take a look at our Master Hui Jing. He sits there quietly and yet every one of us are calm and happy naturally. So when we become the love, wherever we are, all will feel calm at ease, without any fear. Anita said, ‘The most important thing I have learnt is I am the Love itself. All my fears are gone. This is the reason I come into life again.’ Amitabha Buddha said, ‘I will transform all the fear into great calmness, great serenity’ When We recite His Name we are charged with his love. We also become the love. We will leave behind all fear. ‘My dear, you will always be loved. You do not need to harbour any fear. There is no way for you to commit any errors.’ Always think about these three sentences. There is the light of truth in it. This is spoken by a non -Buddhist who was on the verge of her death and who lives again. How about us the Buddha Recitation Practitioners? Can we deny the love of Amitabha Buddha, His unconditional love of rescue? From this story we know the unconditional love of rescue of the Buddha pervasively surrounds us. We must have faith in this and lead a life of joy with no more fear. Nowadays, everyone lives in fear. We must learn to replete ourselves with love and bring this shine to others, to lead them out of fear. Love yourself and love others. Namo Amitabha Buddha. A dharma talk by Dharma Master Shi Jing Zong, the Abbot of the Hong Yuan Monastery in Anhui, China entitled: Dying Once to Learn to Love

In the Era of Fear I Comfort them with Great Love
Anita Moorjani was cured from cancer not because of a certain medicine, vaccine or chemotherapy. She was cured because of this Great Love. Anita Moorjani is a forty years old woman who is simple and honest. She was born in India, grew up in Singapore and was English educated. Later she went to Hong Kong. She knows Tamil, English and Cantonese. In 2002 the doctor said that she was down with cancer lymphoma or the blood cell tumor. After four years, in 2006 seventy percent of her body is covered with the cancerous cells. She stayed in the hospital, suffering terribly because of this illness. Later the doctor pronounced her death. After three days she woke up and was cured miraculously. This is truly inconceivable when she woke up from her death. In her mind she was very sure she was cured already. No treatment was needed. But she was very weak. She could not even talk. The doctor was surprised of her condition and again they carried out a checking on her body and found that she was free from all symptoms of cancer. In her mind she knew she was already cured. In her mind there was a great transformation that she personally experienced. And all the cells on her body were transformed into healthy cells. Later she wrote a book entitles: After dying once I finally learn to love’ By looking at this title, it coincides with Master Shan Dao’s teaching on the one with deep faith in the dharma. He said, ‘Standing here is waiting to die. Going forward is also death. Turning back, I too cannot escape from death.’ This can be found in the ‘Analogy of two rivers and one white lane’ the three sure deaths. If we have died once, we will truly give ourselves up. This is the same as the Pure Land teaching that we have to admit we are the sinful mundane man. We lose all hope as we have no ways to leave the triple realm. In cultivation we need to really undergo a total death in order to really practise the path. The zen cultivator says this is known as undergoing great death and great living. Otherwise, no real cultivation can be expected because most of us are very arrogant, very self-centred, without much changes in our stubborn mindset. That is why she said after dying once only she managed to learn how to love. In the Pure Land door this is known as having deep faith. Such a man will surely have faith in Amitabha’s 48 vows to gather in living beings without any doubts and suspicion. By relying on the strength of the Buddha’s Vows we will surely attain a rebirth. This is living in the great love of Namo Amitabha Buddha. We receive the love of Amitabha Buddha. Only then we can have the genuine love and we are able to learn to love. If we do not feel the love of Amitabha Buddha, we will not know how to love. Our love will be frightening as it is an attachment, a desire to control, to possess others. Such a love is impure, it is a threat to us. If we are not careful it might turn into hatred. Such is a frightful kind of love. If we learn from Amitabha Buddha, the love is pure, without condition and transparent. This is truly loving a person. It is not easy to learn this. We look at the couples around us. So many got married and end up in divorce. How about those who do not get a divorce? Yes, they spend the whole life fighting！The truly loving couples are as few as the stars in the broad day light. So, learning to love is our homework for the whole life. It is not easy. Today I would like to discuss this passage with you. After reading her writing I feel most shameful as what the author has said is very true in accord with her experience. Even though I have left home for more than twenty years, receiving the teaching of the Buddha, the guidance of the patriarch, the exhortation of my Master, the help of my lotus friends and all, I still feel I am lacking in genuine practice and virtues. On the contrary this lady has not met with the Buddha Dharma. She has such an awakening after dying once, it is truly a gain for her. She said, ‘After my body stopped functioning, I entered into another world.’ She was so seriously ill that her heart, her liver and everything stopped functioning. This is to show there is a world after death. She said, ‘I saw myself as a very wonderful person. This is because I was not terrorised until I had a change in shape.’ ‘I felt there was this vibrant energy around me and I was able to enter it. I realise if a man can see his wonderful existence, he must be the happiest man.’ Most of us like to complain about our imperfect existence. We often think thus, ‘I do not have enough money. I am not healthy. I am not pretty. I do not have enough clothing ….’ Here we must learn to see the good points in us, to appreciate the value of our existence. A woman who can say like this is truly very calm in mind. A man who always complains about himself will not be able to live happily each day. So, without knowing the love of Amitabha for us, we will be a great complainer. We complain about no money, we complain about our look, our wrinkles and so on and so forth. What kind of life will this be with so many complaints? She said, ‘I found that there was this power surrounding me.’ When we pass away, we will no longer be using our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind to observe. Instead, we will be awakened to our innate Buddha. She felt she is surrounded by this vibrant field of energy and she is also this energy. What kind of power is this? It is a kind of energy. It is always in the universe or the dharma realm in the Buddhist terms. In fact, this is Amitabha Buddha. This is the strength of the Buddha Nature. She uses her Buddha Nature to experience the Buddha Nature. It exists forever. It is neither born nor become extinct. If the Buddha enters the world or does not enter the world, it is always there without changing. Of course, she does not use these Buddhist terms. She said, ‘When I give up the attachment to the mundane world, I enter another world effortlessly. It is unnecessary to pray, to recite a sutra or to give a dharma talk. It is unnecessary to seek forgiveness, repentance or other methods.’ ‘Death gives me the feeling that I do not need to do anything. It is just as though I am telling someone I am coming to the end. I cannot do anything anymore. I give up. Whatever you want to do I will just accept.’ I feel that this passage is very near in meaning to the Pure Land’s view. It means when we die, we have just to let go as nothing can be done anymore. Most people die in torment as there are many attachments in this world. They are worried about their children, money and work. Some people find it difficult to die. So, from here we must learn to let go when it is our turn to leave the world. Moreover, we have the promise from Amitabha Buddha who will come to receive us in accord with the strength of his vows. It is much easier for us. This lady just let go and she entered another world. Her state should be quite high too. I will explain below. I feel that she had arrived at the border of the Pure Land. Her state of an awakened mind showed that she was not in the heaven. She seemed to be enlightened to the Buddha nature and non -existence of a self. She experienced the light of enlightenment and returned to life, to lead a life of love. So, in our practice we are told to let go of all attachment and to wish for a rebirth in the Pure Land relying on Amitabha’s strength of vows. So from here we can see it is very easy to be born in the World of Ultimate Bliss. She said it is unnecessary to recite a sutra, a dharma or seeking for forgiveness. She enters the other world naturally when she simply gives up herself. I remember once I went with my Master to console a dying man. I was very touched by my Master’s words. He said kindly to the man who is on the verge of death, ‘So and so, now we will recite Namo Amitabha Buddha. If you can recite, then recite together. If you can’t, just lay down and relax. It is ok if you just listen to our recitation.’ Are not these words very comforting? The dying man will feel very safe and relax. But if you were to say, ‘So and so, this is the last chance. Bring out all your strength to face death. If you can recite then recite together. If you cannot recite, you must try also!’ On listening to this threat, the sick man is stressed out. He will die instantly as he has no strength to join in recitation. The Master who with his great love understands the rescue of Amitabha Buddha is a natural process that he is able to say in such a comforting way. No condition is needed. There is no threat nor fright in his words. A man who threatens people is not calm as he must be frightened too in his mind. That is why what he says will frighten people, giving stress to others. If we are loving in our mind, our words will only bring love, peace and calm to others. People will feel our love for them. So, this lady says it is unnecessary to read or recite any prayer or seeking forgiveness. This is because the wavelength of her mind is on a par with the great love of the universe. She naturally enters it. Namo Amitabha Buddha is a dharma that requires no seeking or pleading. It is a dharma of rescue without condition. When we recite Namo Amitabha Buddha, the wavelength of our mind is the same as Amitabha Buddha. So, we will attain a rebirth naturally. Many of us who do not understand the kindness of Amitabha Buddha will seek a rebirth by pleading to the Buddha every day. His mind is unsettled and frightened that he might be left out. This is because he does not understand when he recites the Buddha’s name, the wavelength of his mind is in the same frequency with Amitabha Buddha’s mind and vows. Then people will ask, ‘Do we still go to recite the Buddha’s Name for the dying man?’ ‘Yes, of course.’ This is because the dying man has yet to understand this point. When we recite for him, he will be safe in the shine of Namo Amitabha Buddha. This is a method which is bestowed upon us to save us with this Name in accord with the strength of the Buddha’s vows. When she says to somebody, this refers to Amitabha Buddha. She says she cannot do anything anymore and she gives up. She gives herself up to the Buddha. So, when we die do not try to fight with death and refuse to die. We must just admit we are the offender and we need the help of Amitabha Buddha to take us, to rescue us. Namo is to admit we take refuge in the Buddha, we surrender ourselves. When we cultivate this door, we must not add in our ideas. We must just let Amitabha Buddha to decide for us. This is because Amitabha has the power of great vow, the extensive great strength of the Buddha Nature, the strength of immeasurable light, the strength of immeasurable lifespan. We just have to give up all planning. He will plan for us. So, when we recite the Name of the Buddha, just recite without thinking of doing this or that trying so hard to reach a certain acceptable standard. These are all unnecessary. This type of thinking is the habit of the sagely path cultivators. When we sit on the plane, just sit there. The plane will bring you to your destiny. It is unnecessary for you to help the plane to fly. Amitabha Buddha the pilot does not need you to fly the plane. If he needs your help then he is not known as Amitabha Buddha. Anita said, ‘In the other world, I found that my mind is very clear and bright. I realise by myself that I will only die out of the fear and terror in my mind.’ These words are very true. Clarity of mind means her mind is pure. In this world our mind is turbid, dark and deluded. That is why are enveloped in all kinds of worries and terror. But once we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally be pure and bright. This is because the land is pure and is enveloped in bright illumination. She said she naturally know she will be cured. This knowing ability is possessed by us originally. No learning is needed because our Buddha nature is originally pure and bright. In the Saha world our ability is being covered up by afflictions. But when we arrive at the World of Ultimate Bliss, we will naturally possess this ability. This ability reappears relying on the strength of Vows of Amitabha Buddha. When we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally possess the ability to make offerings to the Buddha. On hearing one sentence we are enlightened to the millions. Our mind is opened up to the thousands of million Dharanis. Everyone of us have this innate ability. And Amitabha Buddha’s strength of Vows enhances its opening. In this Saha World our innate nature is all covered up and cannot function. In the world of ultimate bliss, by relying on Amitabha Buddha’s strength of great vows, our innate ability is open up. So they are not contradicting. ‘I naturally know the source of the thought that I will die. The source is I was frightened. If there is no fear, there is no death.’ In actuality there is no death. It is only our fear of death that this illusion comes froth. In Buddha dharma we should know death itself is an illusion. Time is also an illusion. That is why the Buddha speaks all the Sutra in this manner, ‘Thus have I heard, at one time the Buddha was…..’ No specific time is stated. Now the physics has proven its illusory. As time is an illusion, it does not exist. Let me give you an example of what is meant by death. It is as if we are driving a car into a tunnel. The shape of the tunnel resembles that of a tomb. And we keep on driving into it. We say we are entering the tomb, that we are going to die soon. We are threatened as the entrance represents death. We continue on our journey in the tunnel and later leave the tunnel, again travelling on our way to another destiny. The entrance of the tunnel, the funeral wreath looks like the tomb. For us, death is a terrible idea that we are fearful of it. We do not know life is a continuity and there is no death. It is our wrong concept that there is this section of birth and death. No one can do anything about it until they personally realise it. ‘I am unable to live out my real self as I have too much worried.’ Most of us live in this world wearing a mask. If everyone of us is free to show our real self this is the most beautiful side of a self. Why cannot we live the way we should live? It is because we are always burdened with worries. We are worried we are not good enough. We are worried that our parents will scold us. We are worried our teacher will get angry and criticize us. We are worried about losing face. We only live for others. We lose our life away trying to accord to others’ expectation. We lose the light of a happy life. Our life is controlled by all these worrisome thoughts. But if we truly recite the Buddha’s Name, our mind will be at ease. Amitabha Buddha takes away our worries by replacing them with Namo Amitabha Buddha. We will realise all these worries and views are not important and we will gradually pay no attention to them. Our true life is Buddha recitation. That is our real identity. Our mind will be at ease as we will pay no attention to those unreal things, words and ideas. Our worries only arise when we care too much about the mundane matters. The author has not learnt about Buddhism. This is her experience in death. What she has written is very personal, true experience, not something that we learn from a book. Her experience gives her an awakening to the reality of life and she lives out her life in this awakening. I saw her video and I feel she is an enlightened person. An enlightened person may not be replete with spiritual penetration. But she will reveal her love in her daily living. She is calm at ease and without any sense of fear in her mind. She leads her life in a genuine way. She said, ‘I know that cancer is not a punishment neither is it a retribution. Cancer is my energy capacity which reveals itself on my body. Because of my fear I am unable to reveal the beautiful self in me. And this is the job which should be carried out by me. I know that cancer is not a punishment which is forced on me. It is not an external force of retribution.’ This is what we often do when certain things happen, we will try to find an excuse or put the blame on reward or retribution. We treat the misfortune with anger and hatred. We often have this tendency to catogorise every happening in accord with the cause or reason. In Buddhism we talk about cause and effect. As she is not a Buddhist she says, ‘Cancer appears as a result of a change in my energy capacity. This energy shows itself in the form of cancer.’ This is because she lives in fear and worries. She does not live out her real happy self. So if we the Buddha recitation cultivators are able to reveal the bright side of life, to live without worries, there will be no more cancer for us. This is her understanding about life. That is why I have often said, ‘Lead a life of a mundane man and recite the Buddha’s Name sincerely.’ We should lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Our life will be full of light and blessings. And we will become more loving. Finally we will lead a comfortable life and people around us will be comfortable also. This itself is the propagation of the dharma of love. Otherwise, if we cannot live a loving life, there is no point talking about anything as they will be useless. Anita said, ‘In that state which is vast and limitless, I found that I am too strict with myself. I keep on whipping myself.’ Can we feel the existence of being vast and limitless? No. We are often limited by our surrounding. As she had entered the limitless vastness, she is able to know her whole life. She knows her fault is being too strict with herself. In fact, most of us are very strict with ourselves, demanding ourselves to be like this or that. She said, ‘No one is punishing me. The person whom I cannot forgive is I myself. I have abandoned myself. I do not love myself. This matter is none of others’ business.’ No one from outside comes to punish us. It is we who punish ourselves. We cannot forgive our selves. We add on a lot of unnecessary locks and chains on ourselves. What is more for us the Buddha reciters? If we recite the Buddha’s name and on the other hand, we add on ourselves lots of locks and chains whence Amitabha Buddha is trying to unlock us, isn’t this a most pitiful situation?’ She said that she had abandoned herself. It means we throw ourselves away and become a lone ranger, an isolated person living a life of sadness, a live without love. Look at a baby. Her eyes are clear as the baby is a simple being, just like a simple puppies or baby cat. The baby can play with chickens, puppis as she does not give rise to diffentiation. Not everyone of us is like Anita. But every one of us can recite the Buddha’s name. When we recite the Buddha’s name, we will be calm. Amitabha Buddha said, ‘In the world of fear I comfort them with great love.’ It is because all the worries are gone when we accomplish Buddhahood at the Pure Land. We will not be so worried about our poverty, health problem, ugliness, stupidity, inability to recite a sutra, a mantra. All these are unimportant as finally I will become a Buddha in the Buddha Land. We will be more humorous. For example, if we are ugly we will use it as a joke. It does not matter at all. Because all the external states are not you. The real self, our real life is the Buddha’s Name. It is our true identity. It will bring ease to our mind. A baby is pure. But as it grows up, it starts to abandon himself. A baby resembles a glass of pure water. When he grows up, his greed starts to accumulate when he wants a toy, a book, good results, money, benefits, fame women and so on. All these are placed in the glass of water. Everything is a piece of mud that we put in out glass. The more we put into the glass, the more the water will flow out. This water is the genuine self. We abandon the true self, chase it out with our greed. We fill ourselves with all the rubbish. The genuine blessings and bliss are chased away. We lead an opaque life without transparency. Our life become a glass of muddy water and we live in great torment. The more we obtain, the more we lose ourselves. That is why the Buddha is truly kind. He and his disciples lead a life of a beggar. When you have nothing, you will be happy and relax. The mind retains its purity. Human beings are deluded as they think to possess a wife, children, a house, a car are called blessings. A man who truly loves himself does not love money, sex, fame, food, sleep. These five desires are the knives that will cut us into pieces and bring on great sufferings. Anita said, ‘I realise I am the child of the beautiful universe. As long as I exist, I will obtain this unconditional love.’ This is very good. I would like to make the following changes, ‘I realize that I am the son of the adorned Amitabha Buddha.’ In Buddhism we use adorned to replace the word beautiful. The universe is this Amitabha Buddha. In the Sutra we are told Amitabha Buddha is the Treasury Body of the Dharma Realm. Amitabha Buddha exists in the whole of the Dharma Realm. Of course, there are also the reward body and transformation bodies beside the dharma body. Amitabha Buddha is the immeasurable wisdom and lifespan. Anita says that the universal energy is abundant and inexhaustible, vast and without limits. This is the existence of the Buddha Nature. She says as long as she exists, she will surely obtain the unconditional love. I often also say, ‘No conditions are required for us to receive the love and rescue of Amitabha Buddha.’ Let us take the analogy of a tree. As long as it exists, it will receive the sunlight. No other condition is needed. So it is the same for the house and everything on earth. Amitabha Buddha’s Name is also known as the Light that Far-surpassing the Sun and Moon. Amitabha Buddha’s light pervasively illumines all the living beings and things in the world. As long as we exist, we will receive the light of the Buddha, the protection of his loving kindness and rescue. It is unnecessary for us to become somebody so as to receive the unconditional rescue of Amitabha Buddha. Our Master Hui Jing also wrote a book on the ‘Unconditional Rescue of the Buddha.’ Some people cannot believe. He says, ‘If this is the case everyone will commit evils.’ Such a thinking is negative and full of fear as his mind is dwelling in darkness. He is afraid that the world will go upside down. He cannot understand that as long as there is the existence, may they be a cat, a dog, a hell being, they will be taken care of by Amitabha Buddha. The only condition is they exist. This reminds me of the words of Great Master Tan Luan, ‘The future scholars who hear about the rescue of the Buddha, the rescue that relies on other’s strength, he should give rise to faith. Do not refuse such a chance. It is being stupid.’ Do not think that you should do this and that to obtain the rescue? Amitabha Buddha did not ask you to do anything. He says, ‘Living beings in the ten directions who have faith in me.’ It means they exist and the Buddha will be there to save them. Buddha recitation is not a condition. It is just a method of saving. Anita says, ‘I do not have to do anything to obtain this love.’ Just like a blade of grass in the water. Does it need to do anything to obtain water? It is unnecessary. As long as it exists, it is surrounded by the water. As long as we exist, we are surrounded by the love of Amitabha Buddha. We do not need to do anything to obtain this love and care. Once we know this, we will be fearless and calm at ease. This is the same as the sunlight which shine on the mountain and also the valley. In our life no matter what level we are we will receive the illumination of Amitabha Buddha. Anita says, ‘No prayer, no seeking is needed.’ Amitabha’s rescue is there always. As long as we recite, we will be saved by him. Amitabha Buddha says, ‘All living beings in the ten directions who call on me will be saved by me. You only have to say out my name.’ You say you are dumb and cannot call the name. Such a man who understands the rescue of Buddha will also be saved even if he cannot pronounce the Name. But if you are unwilling, you are creating an obstacle for yourself. That is why our dharma door is known as the ‘The Dharma is taught without being asked.’, the ‘Befriend us without being asked’. As long as we trust him, he will come personally to take us to his Pure Land. On hearing that nothing is needed to be done, some will be confused. They want to do something, to clean the altar, to change the water, to offer some fruits and incense, to sit in meditation and so on. They think this will help them to attain a rebirth. They have to do something. They do not realise what they need to do is to reveal the beautiful self, to lead the adorned life and let themselves become the love. As long as we sit there and lead a loving life we are in accord with the love of the Buddha Amitabha. When the sun is shining, you say, ‘It is good. A shiny day.’ When it is raining, you say, ‘Very good. It is raining now.’ When it snows, you say, ‘Good, I love snow.’ This way of living is to add the positive loving energy to this universe. You are spreading the pure and harmony energy to the universe. In the Buddha Dharma it is known as the lights shine on one another. The whole universe will receive the positive energy of your loving and harmonious mind. So, what you need to do is to recite Namo Amitabha Budda loudly, softly, silently. All will be ok. If we live this way, Amitabha Buddha will be most happy to see us. It is just like a child who is sleeping in the cradle. Doing nothing. What do you think? Will the mother be happy to see him like that? Yes, of course. She will be very glad with him just sleeping there. Nothing has to be done. A child in the arms of his mother is the revelation of total trust. And this is the same for us to be in the arms of Amitabha Buddha. We just relax and trust him. We will lead a happy life. And this is the genuine way of living in accord with the love of oneself. More often than not we lead a life with worries, fear, twisted emotions and trying to cover up our faults. Our adorned life cannot be revealed. Everyday, we live in fear and worries. This is adding chains and locks to ourselves. Anita says, ‘I have never truly loved myself before. I have never valued my existence. I have never seen the adorned soul in me.’ She uses soul to describe herself. In the Buddha Dharma this refers to the beauty and adorned Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I am so beautiful yet I have never realised it. It is replaced with the hard facts of mundane existence. I decay because I do not understand my beautiful soul.’ In the Buddha Dharma it is described as all living beings are originally the Buddha. Yet we do not live, in accord with our Buddha Nature. We are often controlled by our mundane existence, the salary, the examination results and such like. We forget of our Buddha Nature. We lead a life of decay, a life of erosion. This is the General path of Buddhism. From the angle of Buddha Recitation, the rescue of Amitabha is always with us, only that we do not realise it. We try all kinds of methods hoping for the Buddha to rescue us. We do not know that we just have to admit we are the mundane men who are covered with offences. There is no other way to save ourselves if we do not rely on Amitabha Buddha. Then we let go and recite the Buddha’s Name wholeheartedly. This is the way to be saved by the Buddha. But most people cannot understand this. They want to do something good, to be pretentious and make out something good of himself, to scold people for their lacking in virtues and such like. This is against the practise of this pure land door. Why cannot the people in the world see their pretention? It is because they are also not living a true life. Their eyes are not clear enough to see through this pretention. A fake man sees something fake and he will treat it as genuine. A clear -headed man will surely be able to see through all these false masks. If we were to wear a false mask for too long it will be difficult to remove it. It has grown on to our skin. It will be painful if we want to remove this fake mask. So it takes time for us to loosen this false mask as we have been wearing them for too long. Anita says, ‘This understanding makes me realise that I do not have to be frightened anymore.’ There is no more fear in her mind. It is a mind of calm and bliss. It is a mind which is full of hope. It is a comforting mind that can soothe others. With this calm and happy mind it is already a contribution to all around us. It is already a protection and mindfulness to all around us. We do not have to do anything at all. Most of us live in fear. We pay for insurance because we are afraid when we get old, we have no money, no money to pay the medical fees. We get married out of fear that we will be lonely. Why do we give birth to children? We are afraid no one will take care of us at old age. Why do we go to school? It is because we are afraid of our mother’s anger. Why must we study hard? We are afraid of our teacher. Why do we go to university? We are afraid people will look down on us. Can we live without fear? We cannot. Even our mother who loves us so much say we will suffer if we do not study hard. From our young age we receive the education of fear. We are threatened by our beloved parents, our responsible teachers. We do not receive the education of love. So, if we love our children, do not add fear to them. We must give only love and courage so that they can face life with their original positive energy, positive strength. This is because the world is full of twisted people, fake people, suffering people. There are very few upright men, genuine men, happy and hopeful men around. I only hope all of you my lotus friends will bring up a future generation who is upright, genuine, happy and hopeful with the strength of Amitabha Buddha. So, we must lead a life based on the right values taught by Amitabha Buddha. If we teach our child to fight for self -benefit, to contend with others, we are making them blind so that they do not see the truth of life. This is harming them. If we are enlightened to this, we will only rely on Amitabha Buddha. We are not afraid to be lonely. We will be at ease. Those who see the light, the warmth of the Buddha will no longer be frightened. Anita says, ‘I realise this is a state that can be reached by myself and everyone.’ In Zen sect it is said all living beings are Buddha. In the Buddha recitation door, everyone can recite the Name, everyone can attain a rebirth and everyone can accomplish Buddhahood. This is the bestowment by Amitabha Buddha. All the things that we fight for may not be beneficial to us. Everything that benefits us are often free. For example, the air we take in every instant is free. We do not pay to stand on the earth. We do not pay to look at the sky above. Whatever we fight and earn to get are valueless. Everything that is valuable is free. In the general practice it is said, ‘No cultivation is the cultivation. Nothing is obtainable. This is the state of a bodhisattva. The original face of all dharma often dwells in the mark of still extinction. Our Buddha Nature is replete with all merits and virtues. We cannot cultivate anything to enhance it. This is because all the things that we can do are only dreams, illusion, bubbles and shadow. Whatever that we do, that we create are not in accord with our Buddha Nature. The Buddha Nature is always there, original and shining out naturally. And in our Pure Land Dharma, whatever we have offered, whatever we have done are not the causes for our attainment of a rebirth. Attaining a rebirth is the state of nothing doing. It stays apart from creation or doing. It is a natural state. Reciting Namo Amitabha Buddha helps us to return to this state. Anita said, ‘So I decided to return to the mundane world.’ She has enlightened to the opportunity of life and she decided to come back to tell us about life. Just like many Pure Land cultivators who say that they will not come back any more to sufferings. Yet when they arrive at the Pure Land and brings forth the Bodhi mind, they will come back by themselves to help other beings. Anita said, ‘When I was on the verge of death, I realised the universe comes forth from unconditional love. I am one of the revelations of this love in my present form.’ For the scientists they will say the universe is made from electron, protons, neutrons and so on. This is talking only at the surface level, the materials. But as she talked from her true experienc,e she can see all the things, all the people are the expression of this universal love. When she comes back from death, she deeply penetrates the genuine love the mother universe and her wavelength is in accord with the universal love. She comes back as a healthy woman. So once there is a change in our mind set, the body, the people and the surroundings will also change. In the eyes of Buddha and Bodhisattva there is no differentiation of filth and purity. Everything is pure and adorned in its own expression. Every one of us is the art piece of this unconditional love or in the Buddha’s words, the Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I cannot change into another form as it is my original expression, original nature of this unconditional love.’ Everything that exists is the expression of the Buddha Nature. Even something which is defiled or unwholesome is also part of the expression of this unconditional everlasting love. That is why the Buddha says, ‘All the Dharma from the original state dwells constantly in still extinction.’ Still extinction refers to Nirvana the state of the Buddha. So, when we recite the Buddha’s Name we will enter the Buddha’s dwelling. ‘The energy capacity of the strength of life forms derives from love. And I am made from the universal energy capacity. On knowing this, I realise I do not need to become somebody else. And my true value will not be depreciated too.’ Anita said, So, it is unnecessary for us to become another man. A business man does not need to become Jack Ma. Why is this so? It is because you are equal to him. He is not higher than you. He has the Buddha Nature and you also have the Buddha Nature. Every one is equal. So we do not need to measure in terms of money especially if we truly know the benefits of Buddha recitation. In the eyes of the Buddha every one of us is a shining star. We do not need to chase after another star. Just imagine the havoc it will be when the stars do not dwell in its orbit and try to chase after another star. What a chaos the universe will become. Everyone of our existence is in perfect conditions in the eyes of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘This is the I that I have always wanted to be.’ she said. We must learn to appreciate ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. This ‘I’ is invaluable under the unconditional love of the Rescue of Amitabha Buddha. We are his precious sons, the pearls on his hand. If we are accepted by the Buddha, we will be so happy as we will have no complaint about ourselves. We are often surrounded by people who keep on complaining about us. The first one is our mother who says that we are not clever, we have low marks. We are not filial. We earn too little. See how our mother teaches us not to appreciate ourselves. Then we are blamed by our teacher, our classmates, our girl -friend and so on. Then comes Amitabha Buddha who studies us and says, ‘Put aside all the complaints. You are qualified to attain Buddhahood. No problem at all. I give you 100 percent.’ That is why we Buddha Recitation Practitioners are always at ease under the shine of Amitabha Buddha who give us the confirmation. This is the greatest benefits the Buddha bestows upon us. Buddhism brings hope and bliss to the world, the universe. So, in this life’s time we must try our best to lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Do not be swayed by the mundane values, mundane eyes, mundane perspective. We rely only on the outlook of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘Once we know that we are this love, it is unnecessary to purposely go forth to shower love on others. As long as we are faithful to our original nature, we will automatically become the tools of love, touching the hearts of everyone who have affinity with us.’ This part of her speech is very good. If we are already the lamp, there is no need for us to go out purposely to shine on others. The lamp just stands at its place and it manages to brighten up the place. So, when we are the LOVE, we will naturally touch those around us with our love. Take a look at our Master Hui Jing. He sits there quietly and yet every one of us are calm and happy naturally. So when we become the love, wherever we are, all will feel calm at ease, without any fear. Anita said, ‘The most important thing I have learnt is I am the Love itself. All my fears are gone. This is the reason I come into life again.’ Amitabha Buddha said, ‘I will transform all the fear into great calmness, great serenity’ When We recite His Name we are charged with his love. We also become the love. We will leave behind all fear. ‘My dear, you will always be loved. You do not need to harbour any fear. There is no way for you to commit any errors.’ Always think about these three sentences. There is the light of truth in it. This is spoken by a non -Buddhist who was on the verge of her death and who lives again. How about us the Buddha Recitation Practitioners? Can we deny the love of Amitabha Buddha, His unconditional love of rescue? From this story we know the unconditional love of rescue of the Buddha pervasively surrounds us. We must have faith in this and lead a life of joy with no more fear. Nowadays, everyone lives in fear. We must learn to replete ourselves with love and bring this shine to others, to lead them out of fear. Love yourself and love others. Namo Amitabha Buddha. A dharma talk by Dharma Master Shi Jing Zong, the Abbot of the Hong Yuan Monastery in Anhui, China entitled: Dying Once to Learn to Love

I like to think Spike was always around but swooped in to help or comfort her.
We seen it many times, like when Joyce came home from the hospital and that alien thing was in the house and Spike helped fight it off.
He was always "lurking about" lol
Some may call it stalkerish or obsessive but I always thought of it as being protective and watching out for her.
Besides stealing her underwear, that's a bit obsessive LoL
He always has the right words for her to help soothe her. Surprisly Buffy is always accepting of it as well as responsive. She seems more calm/relaxed after he comforts her.
Stuff like this, makes me think she definitely has affection for him.

I(16m) call her aunt but she’s actually my mom’s college friend and not biologically related to us. Recently my dad cheated and left for another woman. My mom and her two friends hung out at our place and at first it was fine. Then they started drinking. Got drunk.
One of my mom’s friends, the aunt in question, said(slightly paraphrased) ‘But you know, he wouldn’t have left if you took it up the ass.’ You could imagine how my mom reacted to that statement. Made her leave. She had to call Uber.
Today she called me, asking if my mom’s home. Mom has been ignoring her calls and mouthed the words ‘I’m not here.’ So I told her “No, mom’s not home.’ And I hung up. I didn’t want her to question me or ask questions about where my mom is and stuff.
My sister(15) said I could have at least talked to her a little before hanging up like that and that it was rude. My mom also said I should still be respectful to her regardless of what she said.

If you ‘DAMN’ Pastor Quiboloy, you ‘DAMN’ Duterte, you ‘DAMN’ the country.
A few days ago, I came across this book, 'How to Destroy A Man Now (DAMN): A Handbook' by Angela Confidential. Just from its title, you can easily tell that this is a guide to ruining a man's reputation or life.Basically, this book gives practical tactics on how ‘Allegations,’ the ‘Media,’ and the ‘Authority’ work together to dethrone a man from influence and power.
I would like to use this perspective as we navigate the issues concerning Pastor Apollo.If you want to DAMN, start with making allegations. That is the first weapon. Merriam-Webster defines allegations as ‘an assertion unsupported and by implication regarded as unsupportable.’
This means anyone who makes an allegation against any man is free from the burden of facts. So, the devils made sure he crafted piles of serious allegations to ruin Pastor Apollo’s reputation on a global scale.
The following were made since 2018, roughly six years in the making:Allegations in the United States. The perpetrators here, according to the camp of Pastor Apollo, were in connivance with former workers who had supposedly committed grave crimes in the KOJC and fled to the U.S.
The allegations include conspiracy to engage in sex trafficking, sex trafficking of children, sex trafficking by force, fraud and coercion, conspiracy, and bulk cash smuggling.Until now none of these allegations have been proven true in court, yet the U.S. government agencies like the Federal Bureau of Investigation, put Pastor Apollo's name on the Most Wanted List. In the Philippines, it’s more complicated.
Cases of alleged sexual abuse of a minor and qualified human trafficking were filed against Pastor Apollo but were easily dismissed by Philippine courts. However, recently, the Justice Department overturned the decision and Pastor Apollo is once again facing scrutiny.
The legislature, tasked with making laws, targeted Pastor Apollo through hearings. In the Senate, Senator Risa Hontiveros launched a probe against Pastor Apollo for alleged human trafficking, labor violations, and sex-related offenses. In the lower house, headed by Speaker Martin Romualdez, who is the cousin of President Bongbong Marcos, they targeted the media arm of KOJC - the Sonshine Media Network International, alleging franchise violations and implicating Pastor Apollo as the owner, thus compelling his presence at the hearing.
Notably, the House Speaker generously gave the known CPP-NPA operatives France Castro, Arlene Brosas, and Raoul Manuel the floor to launch ad hominem attacks against Pastor Apollo. They have become one of the mouthpieces of the devils.
Moreover, the House also weaponized the National Telecommunications Commission (NTC) to impose an indefinite suspension on SMNI, as well as the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB) to suspend two programs, including former President Duterte’s 'Gikan sa Masa Para sa Masa' and 'Laban Kasama ang Bayan,' due to alleged franchise violations. This is clearly to silence SMNI. They want to disarm the people of truth, especially about the Dutertes and about the terrorist organization CPP-NPA-NDF.
With all the missiles and bombs of allegations against Pastor Apollo, the devils now need a 'Media' platform to proliferate. If the allegation is the bullet, then the media is the gun. This is the second weapon of the Devil.Use the Power of Media.
You’ve probably heard the philosophical question, “If a tree falls in the woods, and no one hears it, did it make a sound?” The more people who know about an allegation, the more powerful it becomes.
Admit it, we're drawn to the drama, especially Filipinos, which is why you'll notice more scandalous stories in the news and media these days—everyone loves a bit of gossip!"Sex sells,” they say. When it comes to allegations against a holy or religious figure like Pastor Apollo, especially those related to flesh, it can shatter their reputation and can be particularly devastating, regardless of the truth.In a court of law, a man is presumed innocent until proven guilty. But in the court of public opinion manipulated by the media, a man “serially accused” of a scandal is guilty until proven innocent.In this scenario, an allegation doesn't need evidence to DAMN someone because media manipulation turns it into its own proof.
Thousands, even millions, of people can unite against one man.Look at the mainstream media, even the alternative that wants to gain popularity, makes Pastor Apollo their headlines because they profit from it. However, they bear little responsibility for doing it. Apparently, as long as the media labels the scandal as an "allegation," they are somewhat protected from legal consequences.
Moreover, the media can claim they are merely reporting the allegation, not making it. However, the way they report it often contributes to shaping the allegation itself.But we're not only referring to traditional media. With the rise of social media, the realm of trolls and paid vloggers/bloggers, the spread of allegations has become faster and more potent.The "evidence" and public perception of guilt crafted by allegations and the media's collaboration can grow so significant and influential that the third weapon of the Devil, 'Authority,' is compelled to intervene.Authority. In the case of Pastor Apollo, the authority being used by the devils is the US-PH government and its instrumentalities. And their mission is to fully destroy him now.According to the handbook, “Ultimately, it’s authority that plays the final role in condemning a man.
As ‘Daddy Knight’ he takes pride in his role as guardian and savior, especially of the weak, mistreated, violated, and so on. He strives to be the hero who saves the damsel in distress. In other words, authority caters to victims, and nothing gets [Authority]’s attention more than a call to action to save victims.”“Also, keep in mind that with the media’s help, allegations against authorities can be used to motivate authority to take action. Just about any widespread allegation about an authority being remiss, ineffectual, or negligent in its “guardian and savior” role will suffice.”And this is so evident with what Hontiveros is doing as well as Castro, Brosas and Manuel are doing. Listen to their words. It’s almost the same! They want to play the savior role.
They want to pretend heroes but never really give justice to the supposed victims.They are lawmakers but they act as judges. And they want justice for the supposed victims, why don’t they bring it to the proper forum which is the court? Because they’re not after justice; they’re after destroying the person of Pastor Apollo.
Hontiveros, alongside leftist lawmakers and their enablers, have shown disrespect for the sanctity of the institutions they represent.I recently came across a statement from Hontiveros, where she said in Filipino, “I also call on Quiboloy not to resort to drama.” But who's the real drama queen here? Isn’t it Hontiveros?Her bogus witnesses, as members of KOJC call them, joined the drama in the hearing.
Obviously, the script was made. What's more fascinating is that one of the 'witnesses' claimed to have seen Pastor giving a bag of guns to former President Duterte and his daughter, VP Inday Sara Duterte.Both of them denied it. The former president called it ‘silly’ and Sara Duterte has never been to Glory Mountain. It was an error in the script of the devils that they didn’t see coming.Well, if Hontiveros really wanted to stop the drama, then the alleged crimes should be brought to court.
The Senate, especially her, has no power to serve justice; its role is to make laws.The hearing was supposed to aid legislation. So, what law is she trying to make? The Philippines has one of the most laws in the world to combat human trafficking and sexual abuse cases. Did Hontiveros do her research? Or is it just in-aid of re-election?And it’s no secret that leftist lawmakers have been unmasked many times on SMNI through its program Laban Kasama ang Bayan, where former cadres unmasked who they truly are.
These individuals are often referred to as 'wolves in sheep's clothing' by these former members.It's crucial to understand the atrocities committed by the communist-terrorist groups CPP-NPA-NDF over the past five decades of insurgency, resulting in the deaths of thousands of innocent lives, including promising youth leaders, indigenous peoples, women, farmers, and individuals from all sectors affected by their deceptions.
Their objective within the government? To undermine and destroy it.
Only SMNI, of which Pastor Apollo is an honorary chair, has the courage to undertake this task: defending the government and the nation by giving enlightenment to the people.Recently, Castro said that the warrant of arrest issued against Pastor Apollo is "an important step" in obtaining justice for his victims.
Poor Castro, she lost her moral ascendancy a long time ago. I hope Castro will remember that she was charged, together with Satur Ocampo and 16 others for kidnapping and human trafficking over the transport of 14 children from Talaingod town in Davao del NorteIt's not surprising, then, that they are so eager and willing to destroy Pastor Apollo in this manner, especially when the current administration has allowed them to become the attack dogs against the good pastor.
They thirst for vengeance for the near-demise of the CPP-NPA-NDF that suffered a major blow during the Duterte presidency.
They seek to recover under the Marcos regime. This is one of the most alarming issues now that the nation must address: the 'unholy alliance' between the terrorist organization and their friends, and the government.
For now, we will pause here. We’ve given you a glimpse of the people in ‘authority’ that are part of the Devil’s playbook against Pastor Apollo.
In the upcoming parts, we will delve into the alliance dubbed as the "Unholy Trinity" involving the collusion of the US, Marcos, and the CPP, aimed at dismantling Pastor Apollo and the Dutertes.
We will explore why this has now become a matter of national significance. And why the fight of Pastor Apollo is a fight for every Filipino.
Read Part 1https://www.facebook.com/prestrackeposts/1035462161478486

This was a while ago but came to mind. I was driving and listening to the radio. We have this program where everyone can call and share stories and ideas.
There was a caller who heavily criticized the romani living in our country and made nasty comments (sounded like a boomer as well) and after that our boomer called.
He made some very good points and polite arguments and then it got just awful. Probably the worst, most stereotypical stuff you'd imagine. It went something like: 'and most importantly they respect their elders unlike (our local) youngsters do. Every kid's suffering from all kinds of mental illnesses these days but that's because they don't listen and respect their parents. Back in my day we didn't have those issues.'
That btw is the stupidest, most obnoxious comment you can make here about our generation. Our country has been in a lot of war but boomers fought in none of those. They only passed on the trauma to their children and growing up in an abusive households where beatings and emotional abuse were a normalised way of discipline, many of us grew up experiencing depression/other illnesses which (thanks to millenials and especially gen x) are now more talked about and recognised.
Yeah he made a proper lecture about how we're basically disrespectful brats until the radio host managed to end the call without seeming rude. The host had the nerves of a saint.

Hi, 26F here and my husband is 26M. No kids. Trigger warning for details of verbal/threats of physical abuse. We've been married since we were 22. I'm posting partly because I feel like I need solidarity/confirmation that it's as bad as it feels.
I've been reading online about abuse and I see a lot of posts about frequent, repetitive instances of abuse. My situation isn't quite like that, but rather he has now had two instances of "blowing up" where he "gets pushed over the edge" (his words, definitely reversing the blame there) and will go on for hours where he's yelling at me, calling me names, and generally demeaning and insulting me personally. It's pretty traumatic and I basically just disassociate and wait for him to be done. I never name call or yell back.
The first time it happened, it was in response to something I did. Basically I shared some details about our relationship with a friend, and he found out. He had asked me before to keep our business between him and I, so he felt very disrespected. I did later apologize for this, I can understand that not everyone needs to know our details and I am okay with respecting this ask, I just slipped up. This disrespect sent him over the edge and he spent somewhere from 1-2 hours straight yelling at me, repeatedly calling me a stupid b*tch and c*nt, and he went through in detail all the things he hates about my personality- insulting my hobbies and interests and so on. Just all around attacks on me and my character. While it was happening I had it fixed in my mind to leave, because obviously he didn't like me very much anymore and also name-calling was something I had previously set as a hard boundary. However, after things calmed down of course it's hard to walk away. He eventually apologized, reflected on his behavior and said it wouldn't happen again.
The second time it happened it was about 6 months later. This time I didn't do anything wrong per se. I had a moment of jealousy: I thought he was getting a little too friendly/flirty with another girl at the bar, and I told him my feelings were hurt about it. He denied and denied and denied, and eventually left me at the bar. I was pissed at being abandoned, and I walked home alone, and when I got home I tried to explain to him why it was so hurtful to me. At some point again something in him snapped. He let himself call me a b*tch and from there it just spirals, calling me every name possible, he tells me to go f*ck somebody new, "leave me I don't even care," and worst of all he repeatedly threatened s*ic*de. It was horrible. Again this lasted for over an hour. Oh and also this time he punched a countertop, a door, and I had been packing for a trip and he threw my open suitcase across the room and threw my clothes across the room. At one point I also got in his way and he did make physical contact with me- I don't think he was trying to hit me but ya know does it really matter lol. Also we have pets and he had no regard for what happened to them in this moment. After he fell asleep I had the pets all packed up and everything to get the heck out of there, but the threats of harm and the fear of being alone and confronting the situation stopped me. I stayed.
A few hours after that he came to me and instead of apologizing he said "there's no justification for my actions but also I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't pushed to my very breaking point" right right
Then a few days later he finally texted me and said "there's no excuse or justification for my actions. can you help me find a therapist?" I want to believe he is serious about changing but there's just so much negative stuff that I feel myself just sort of checking out.
Outside of the outright abuse, the pattern in our relationship recently is that whenever I have an issue and try to bring it up, he denies, and then attacks me in some way by saying I'm too sensitive, and then will use that as a chance to go on long monologues about all the problems I cause in the relationship and the problems I have. I've voiced this to him but he keeps doing it. So I also feel like my issues don't matter and that I'm expected to just sit pretty and be happy.
It's sort of like, though, that I see the "abuse" version of him as somebody else, not his true self, and I just let myself forget it and keep going and hope it doesn't happen again. He was abused and has other issues, and I really do just feel bad for him. Because I can see him become embarrassed with the way he acts and I can't imagine feeling that level of shame/remorse. I don't want my guy to feel that way so I tell myself if I love him through it then he doesn't have to feel that way. IDK and when I think about leaving I can't help but think about pissing off his family. I'm SO scared of what people will think of me. Can I be happy in this situation again? Can he love me and also treat me like this? Does it matter that it's only happened 2 times? I know nobody can answer these questions for me but any insight is appreciated.