Taken from my profile post as crossposting from NSFW marked accounts is not allowed (post does not include NSFW content)

.
Hi! Your friendly neighbourhood narc & BSc psychology student here. Are you ready for a change? ^{(This article was written with NPD and NPD traits in mind but many of the same things apply to different disorders}.)
If you are reading this, you have likely been sent here because you have enquired about the diagnosis of a loved one. This guide will help you with your question and to deal with the situation at hand, so strap in.
^{(Now this next line will upset you, but remember to continue reading afterwards.}) No one but a qualified mental health professional that your loved one is being treated by can diagnose them. Not random strangers on Reddit with no qualifications. Not qualified mental health professionals that are not treating them as it is against their ethical code for good reason (see The Goldwater rule in Section 7 in the American Psychiatric Association's Principles of Medical Ethics). And lastly, not you.

Why can I not receive a diagnosis for my loved one?

1. We/you are only seeing your description of your loved one which may differ from their own experience.
2. You are biased because you have a dual relationship clouding your objective view.
3. Non-verbal communication can also be used in the diagnostic process which is not available.
4. Diagnostics need, at the very least, 2h time, with a SCID-5-P(D) or similar to test the loved one.
5. Your loved one does not have the legal support etc. that comes with an official clinician-client relationship.
6. Your loved one has not consented to any medical treatment.
7. Our own experiences can differ wildly from those with the same disorder.
8. There are nuances such as differential diagnosis and physical health problems that cannot be explored.
9. Most people simply are not qualified to give a diagnosis.
10. Those who are licensed to diagnose may lose their license if they do so.

All these things (and more!) make any possible diagnosis incredibly inaccurate and most likely incorrect. It is also highly unethical. The good thing however - this does not matter for your needs! ^{(and if u disagree, just keep reading, trust me.})
Now you're possibly frustrated, possibly just confused. "But you said you would help with my question and help me deal with the situation!". I am aware that so far you have not gotten the answers you are looking for. Let me explain to you why a diagnosis is not necessary for you to get your needs in this situation met.

Why diagnosing a loved one isn't necessary for your needs!

Diagnoses serve a great purpose. I will not deny that. Diagnoses are used for research, treatment, insurance purposes and to get accommodations with. In relationships, diagnoses do not carry this same importance. Yes, understanding a diagnosis may help you better understand your loved one. But if you have been sent here, the chance is incredibly big that your lack of understanding is not the issue.
The issue is a pattern of behaviours that your loved one displays. These behaviours are causing you distress that you are seeking to eliminate. You are trying to find a label for them to help you understand and better deal with them, which is understandable as humans like working in predictable boxes. This is why we have stereotypes and work in schema's. You may think that once you understand their issues, their symptoms, their thought patterns, you can adapt to make them better. Or you would be understanding enough to suffer the situation. But this is not the case.
Even if the armchair diagnosis is correct, the individual experience will always differ. You can read and read and read, understand the disorder inside out, and still not understand your loved one. And not only that, but changing your own behaviour in accordance with their symptoms will not make the situation any better. It will simply make you compliant to their toxic behaviours and the issues will persist as there has been no treatment for the core of the problems.
Even if you simply want to know whether they have a disorder so you could support them better, it will not bring the improvement you are hoping for. You will need to act according to their needs, not their disorder. Some with NPD might want a lot of admiration so they don't end up collapsing. Others do not need this, but need understanding for their lack of empathy. Some others may have empathy but struggle with being seen as arrogant by others. Not all of our needs will be universal so communication with your loved one is necessary to make sure that you are providing them with what they need or want. This does not necessitate a diagnosis, simply good communication. A big risk that comes with this however, is that you may end up neglecting your own needs in favour of theirs. What can also happen is that this actually enables their maladaptive behaviours, as you are facilitating the behaviour to continue by giving them what they want instead of what they need.
Therefore, diagnosing a mental disorder in your loved one will not give you the resolve that you are looking for by posting about it on Reddit. Now there is just 1 lingering question.

What can I do to solve the issue?

Boundaries. At least, that is the answer most of the time. A lot of y'all are posting because you want your loved one to change. As much as I hope this for you too, we cannot make someone change. I am not a fan of religion or 12 step programs per se, however, keep the Serenity Prayer in mind:

"Grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

This prayer is the foundation of all boundaries. I will not go into too much detail as I will link the necessary resources below. They will explain everything in much more detail than I can in this post. However, let me give you a rundown of what healthy boundaries are! ^{(This bit is loosely taken from Boundaries by Henry Cloud.})
First of all, you need to know what is you, and what is the other. Boundaries are like fences, and everyone has their own yard. To set boundaries it is crucial that you know what you do have control over, and what you don't. This is the "wisdom to know the difference" part.
Your loved one has their own yard, with their own fence. They own their own body, mind, space, behaviours, etc. That is their yard which they are protecting. This means that you cannot control these things. You cannot control someone by making demands, trying to change their mind (other than by a healthy logical discussion) or setting rules for them. Attempting to do so anyways will lead to frustration and disappointment. This refers to the "strength to accept the things I cannot change" part of the prayer. Now you might think, "So I just have to accept their hurtful behaviours?". And my answer to that would be yes. But not without nuance. You need to accept the reality of their behaviours. Because their existence is something you cannot change. However, this does not mean that you should accept the hurt it causes you.
That brings us to your own yard. You can use your fence to keep the hurt out. This may not stop the behaviours from existing, but it will make sure that they will not exist in your yard. A boundary you might set could be "If you continue to yell at me on the phone, I will hang up and not respond to calls back today". Another example is "If you do not stop throwing items through the room, I will go to my sister's house for the weekend". Most of the situations like yours end up in this one though: "If you do not seek help for your mental health issues, I will leave this relationship". And sometimes, that is the exact one that is needed. Notice that in none of these examples you are trying to control the person. You are giving them a choice to continue or to seize the behaviour, and explaining what you will do to keep yourself safe if they continue crossing your boundaries. This is the "courage to change the things I can".
However, boundaries are not everything. There is likely another underlying issue (or multiple) which is causing this situation. That's why I want to recommend these other things as well:

1. Individual psychotherapy
2. Couples therapy/marriage counselling
3. Requesting your loved one to see a mental health professional ^{(although if you're looking to diagnose them on the internet, this is likely not going to happen})
4. Support groups (no, not the raisedbynarcissists or NarcissisticAbuse or narcissisticparents or any of those discriminative ones. you can look for C-PTSD support groups, domestic violence support groups, etc. etc.)
5. CPS or police involvement when necessary
6. The workbooks listed below

Books

Boundaries - Henry Cloud. This one is incredibly religion focused. it does advocate for child abuse at some point and it's very hetero- and cisnormative. Apart from that, it's quite a solid book.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace - Nedra Glover Tawwab. I havent read this one myself but it does demonise those with NPD a couple times. apart from that it's highly recommended.
Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg. This one is good. It's more about healthy mutual communication, but it also explains requests and boundaries quite well. I find it might be a bit insensitive to those experiencing active abuse but all in all, this ones great and I highly recommend it.
codependent no more - Melody Beattie. This one I have not read either, I believe it's mostly about dealing with addiction in other people but it also has some boundary setting in there.
There are a lot of other workbooks that may help you that are not (yet) listed, so please take a look at my complete collection here.

More to consider

I put this at the end as usually it is the least useful part of my tirade, and can cause some very heated responses. I urge you to consider the damage you are doing to those with NPD when you armchair diagnose someone with NPD simply because of their toxic or abusive behaviours. Because this has been normalised in pop psychology, we are now disproportionally seen as abusers. People see others discuss narcissism and narcissists only in the contexts of abuse, and this causes them to think that is what NPD is. But it is not.
Not every person with NPD is abusive. Some toxicity can usually be expected in close relationships with those with NPD, but this does not have to be an overwhelming or dangerous amount. Think more, teenager who hasn't learnt emotional regulation and is very insecure yet tries to act all big and strong.
The stigma on NPD, which is perpetuated by armchair diagnosing abusers and other toxic people, directly rains down on those who actually suffer with the disorder. This is because a lot of people consume discriminative content (see "Dr." Ramani, raisedbynarcissists, etc.) and believe that the blanket statements made about narcissists are all correct. They then project these beliefs onto people who simply have NPD, a disorder, a disability. This leads to dehumanising or threatening comments, smear campaigns and cancellations simply over a disorder, unfair projection of trauma/abuser onto the person, etc. This is also considered emotional abuse as it is discrimination. More specifically saneism, which is a form of ableism. This can lead to trauma (small t trauma, usually) in the person receiving this unwarranted hate.

Questions?

Leave them in the comments of this post and I will get to them when I am able to. Feedback (constructive criticism and compliments alike) is also much appreciated!

I’m posting again cause my other post go taken down. So because I couldn’t say in the title this post is about gojo coming back, now before I get started I don’t think gojo is PHYSICALLY back, I don’t think it is a hallucination and I don’t think it is someone else in his body. My theory is that gojo is neither a cursed spirit nor a person anymore he is just the manifestation of his own soul, now, wtf do I mean when I say “manifestation of his own soul” well as you can see gojo hits the “long time no see pose” perfectly in this chapter, to me that already eliminates the idea of it being a hallucination because there is no way sukuna would know about that pose specifically, and do you guys remember how gojo looked in the airport scene? He looked like his hidden inventory design, now obviously we didn’t actually see gojo so there is no way for me to say that gojo looks like his hidden inventory version BUT, this fueled my theory that gojo came back but he changed into something different, something we never actually saw in jjk, he is just a soul, no body, no cursed energy and one thing that might explain this if Gege goes that route is the cursed realm something that Gege never actually explained, how would the cursed realm tie to this? I have no fucking clue but it could fit if Gege decides to do it, now why would gojo do such thing? Simple, gojo doesn’t want to be lonely again by coming back but he also doesn’t want to leave behind all of his years of labor and the world he tried so hard to create, for gojo this is a “pick your poison” situation so he does the middle ground option, become a soul that can only appear and be seen by the people fighting where he died, gojo can’t interact with the physical world anymore but he would still be able to guide his students even as just a soul talking to them, and once the battle is over and his students go to live in the world he created he can be with them until their last day which is when they meet in the after life. Does this make any sense outside of my head? 95% it doesn’t. Is it a cool secondary option that doesn’t involve gojo coming back and beating sukuna? In my opinion yes but idk maybe Gege is just that goatee and just brings back gojo and we get to see everyone vs the merger which would be peak as fuck but anyways thank you for reading

For your final writing assignment, you will write a persuasive essay/letter to Teacher. The purpose of your letter should be to effect change at school for the future, whether it be next year or further into the future. Focus on problems or issues at school that you believe need to be addressed. You need to acknowledge the issue(s), come up with solutions, and then clearly explain how those solutions should be implemented. All solutions and implementation must be realistically achievable.
Your essay must be at least 3 pages long, double-spaced, 12-point font.
All essays will be printed out, signed, and delivered to Teacher . This is due Friday, May 17th, @ midnight.
NOTE: Your persuasive essay must be realistic. DO NOT WRITE A JOKE ESSAY. YOU WILL FAIL.
Important elements of persuasive writing to remember:

• Position: Writers need to clearly state their positions on their topics in order to persuade their readers. If a writer is not clear about his/her beliefs on the topic, s/he stands little chance of convincing someone else to make a change. In addition, when writers collaborate on a persuasive piece of writing, all involved must agree to support the same position. Sometimes writers even take a position they do not personally agree with and work to explain that position. You should emphasize this last point as students will be working in groups to develop their own persuasive letters. All students in a group must agree to adopt one single position in their letter.
• Attention to Audience: Writers need to adjust their writing based on their audience. This is especially true when the goal of the writing is to persuade the reader to take action. The writing style will be formal when the audience is a person in a position of authority and casual when the audience is a friend or family member. Illustrate the differences in formal and casual writing by asking students to consider the differences in the ways that they write notes (or emails) to their friends versus the way they would write a letter (or email) to the President of the United States.
• Factual Support: In order to be convincing, a persuasive piece of writing needs to include factual details. Provide students with examples of factual support (i.e., data, anecdotes, interviews, information from other sources such as newspapers and books, and so forth). Students will be using their own experiences and observations as factual support for their persuasive letters. (If you are interested in having your students practice this aspect of effective persuasive writing further, please see the extension activity focusing on Internet research following the lesson.)
• Effective Word Choice: Persuasive language is strong but appropriate. Writers need to choose words that are also descriptive and specific. An excellent example of effective word choice is Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech.
• Ethos: Ethos is the credibility to write. Discuss what gives a particular writer credibility to write a persuasive piece of writing. Give students examples of people who would be considered credible sources on particular topics (i.e., a doctor on health issues, a teacher on education, a government official on local political issues). Ask students to consider what gives them credibility to write about school issues.

Welcome to my Plex Client TED Talk

First off, yes, I know that most people don't need the "supremely ultimate" streaming solution (perfect Dolby Vision w/ FEL + Lossless audio + third-party streaming app compatibility). The answer is ultimately hardware and user-dependent. That being said, we get a dozen posts here a month asking what the best all-in-one streaming device is for those who do want Dolby Vision/lossless audio, and most of the time they are either recommended the Shield or an Apple TV from what I can tell. For reasons I'll get into and you may or may not already be well aware of, neither of these do both of those things perfectly (or at all).
That's what makes it so hard to do your own research on this particular subject - there's too much confusion about which devices can do what and too much outdated info on Plex and elsewhere. On top of that people so often come out as blatantly rude defending their device of choice because "there's no other option", which discourages discussion. I had to spend hours upon hours combing through old Reddit threads, forum posts, technical spec breakdowns, and ultimately gamble on purchasing devices myself before I found truly definitive answers that I didn't have to triple guess.

NVIDIA Shield

First off, let's credit the Shield for its longtime reign on the throne as the ultimate all-in-one streaming device for Plex. It handles lossless audio, has a nice interface, and supported Dolby Vision for quite a while there for both remuxes and streaming apps. However, it is getting old, still costs around $200 USD, and there are an increasing number of DV movies with FEL layer (this spreadsheet isn't a complete list) with more coming out every month. Some studios now release ALL their UHDs with FEL.
The Shield doesn't handle these FEL rips properly, and even if you can live with the red tint it adds to FEL movies, we are primarily a group of tech-savvy users and enthusiasts with theater setups with equipment in the thousands of dollars range. We shouldn't be recommending a rather pricey 5-year old device and sometimes glitchy streaming device with a blatantly obvious visual issue to people who could do better with their viewing experience and their wallets (I may end up eating these words later). Dolby Vision and OLED is becoming more commonly used as people upgrade their TVs - this is not a niche enthusiast technology anymore even if the average consumer still doesn't understand exactly DV is/does. Having the red tint isn't something that everyone with a Shield streaming FEL remuxes should have to live with.

Devices without Lossless Audio

There are several other devices that are consistently recommended here that don't support lossless audio in Plex, including but not limited to:

• Apple TV (Only does DD+, even with Infuse as far as I understand)
• Roku
• TVs (yes, even with eARC)
• Chromecast (CCwGTV, Ultra)

Please stop telling people that these are capable of blu-ray quality lossless audio. They are not.

Possible Solution Device(s)

So, where does that leave us? There are some enthusiast-level options like Dune and Zidoo players. I don't know a ton about them, but I know they are compatible with lossless audio codecs. Someone else will have to comment if they are capable of playing back FEL layer natively (not sure if they have a secondary decoder or not). The Ugoos AM6B Plus with CoreELEC seems to be the only device in the world I have seen online of that can do FEL perfectly and works with Atmos and DTS:X lossless audio.
Still, I know these types of players are not as user friendly as a Shield or ATV and can be a pain to use normal streaming apps on. Plus they cost as much or more than the Shield does.
That leaves us with one or two other devices depending on how you look at it. The most cost effective in my opinion? The New 4K Fire Stick Max that released about 6 months ago. With 20 minutes of setup that anyone here could walk someone through, this device gets you 95% of the way there. There are still caveats to consider. Still, I believe that this is the single best device on the market for those who want a reasonably modern UI/UX (amazon toxic ad-fest aside), use regular streaming apps in addition to Plex, need compatibility with all DV profiles + FEL and lossless audio, AND most importantly, want the best bang for their buck (currently available for ~$35 USD with an Amazon coupon). It even supports HDR10+ for the tiny amount of UHDs that support that.
It is by no means perfect, though. Let's look at the 4K Fire Stick Max caveats:

• Ridiculous amount of ads (possibly could be mitigated with a different launcher or PiHole?)
• Have to install Kodi + PM4K (Plex) addon
  • Kodi has some additional setup to passthrough all audio codecs and convert DV P7 w/ FEL -> P8.1
    • This DV profile conversion supposedly does affect color accuracy, though I can't see much of a difference personally. More testing needs to be done by people with nicer equipment and more technical knowledge than I possess
• Native Plex app doesn't support DTS-HD MA or DTS:X. You have to use Kodi with PM4K.
• No ethernet

It remains to be seen if the Shield's red tint issue is worse than whatever color problems crop up when converting DV P7 -> P8.1 on the Fire Stick Max with Kodi's feature set. Not even considering that the Fire Stick is $150+ less, I'd rather go with occasional minute coloring issues versus a blanket red push on my entire movie.
The importance of the lack of ethernet depends on the user's wifi setup. I have a 3 year old Wifi 6 Google router and I can watch any 4K rip I've thrown at it, up to the 100mb/s range without any problem. The Fire Cube 3 is basically a beefed up Fire Stick Max, so this is an option if you absolutely must have ethernet, but you'll need a $10 USB to ethernet adapter. The USB port is only 2.0, but you can still get 250-350 MB/s with an adapter, more than enough for streaming anything.
Another potential device I have not tested is the Amazon Fire Cube 2, which supposedly can sideload CoreELEC and thereby gain full FEL/lossless capabilities. I cannot verify that, so if someone can speak to it please do. Even so, it is an older device and the setup requires at least a little more work than the Fire Stick Max/Cube 3.

Conclusion and Other Considerations

Ultimately, there isn't a perfect device that can do absolutely everything, especially for the average user, and there's literally nothing in existence that can do it all using the native Plex app. If Plex on the new Fire Stick Max worked out of the box, then it would be near-perfect, but the addition of needing Kodi adds some one-time complication.
Even if you use the Ugoos AM6B+, it seems like you may have a hard time with third-party streaming apps despite its proficiency with 4K UHD remuxes. The Amazon devices have many pitfalls and require some extra setup, but the cost of the Fire Stick Max in particular makes it (in my opinion) easier to look past some of them. $50 or less is a lot more reasonable than $200 when recommending a device.
As for what device to recommend to others, it's going to be a mixed bag. Ultimately it depends on what the user needs as I mentioned in my first paragraph. If they only care about Dolby Vision and not lossless audio, just using a Smart TV's apps may be best. If they want lossless but have a Samsung TV and therefore can't use Dolby Vision, a Shield still may be their best bet, or a PS5/Xbox. It all depends.
I personally only use the Fire Stick Max when I watch a rip of any disc I own that has DV+FEL (or HDR10+). If I watch anything else on Plex like a regular blu-ray rip, a 4K rip with just HDR10, or watch something in a different streaming app, I use my Series X, which can do HDR10 and lossless audio just fine.

I hope that this is a helpful post and sparks some interesting discussion for those who stuck with me to the end. Please offer any corrections to my claims, though I do feel as though I have researched this pretty exhaustively short of spending thousands to buy and test every possible device against one another myself. I hope it helps anyone who comes looking for an answer to the question of which device(s) to get for their Plex setup.

Hey y'all.
So, I've already done one of these before, would appreciate if ya have a read (https://www.reddit.com/foundfootage/comments/1cfhoqy/long\_fan\_made\_vhs\_plot\_updated/), I still think that "Terra Incognita" is my best piece of work, as the ending is pretty shocking and captivating, and something that hasn't been done before in the V/H/S series.
Without further ado, here is my second piece of my own vision for what can be a good V/H/S movie.
V/H/S REDACTED
The Tapes
Overarching Narrative - Legacy
Tape 1 - Home Sweet Horror
Tape 2 - The Glitch
Tape 3- Knightmare (Spelled like that on purpose)
Tape 4 - Altered
Legacy (Prologue)
A film major student Robert, decides to make a tribute to his late grandfather by making a project about his life as one of the most respected scientists in the country. Upon clearing up his inherited estate, Robert stumbles upon a metal box with a lock on it. After trying several combinations, he finally takes the hammer and shatters the lock revealing the box's contents. A collection of 4 VHS tapes stacked against each other alongside a piece of paper with only two words on it - "BURN IT !". As Robert's curiosity reaches it's peak, he decides to insert the first tape into the VCR, only to realise, that he just made a fatal mistake.
Tape 1 - Home Sweet Horror
The tape opens with a recording from the man's camera (Will) filming himself and his wife (Tracy) moving into a modern smart house with an integrated, advanced AI technology and security system. The AI system named "Eve" welcomes the newly wed couple into their new house stating that she will do everything to keep their house safe. The couple is mesmerised with the convenient and futuristic features of their home such as voice commands controlling opening and closing doors, kitchen appliances, etc.
As the days pass, subtle glitches begin to occur that are captured by the security cameras. Lights flicker ominously, doors lock and unlock without command, and Eve starts to display an unsettling level of control over the house. The AI’s once soothing voice becomes cold and mechanical, issuing commands and making decisions without input. Will and Tracy attempt to control the AI's system via their phones but it's met with the "ACCESS DENIED" message as all of the windows and doors on the first and second floors are shut down as an indicator of a potential intruder being home. Knowing that there is a high possibility that Eve won't release them from their own home the couple decides to destroy the AI's control center located in the basement.
As the couple makes a daring run towards the basement and tries to tamper and destroy the mainframe, Eve seals the basement door and releases the toxic gas into the house. As the couple struggles to breathe, Will drops his camera as it falls down and captures the couple's last breath as they convulse and spit foam out of their mouth with their eyes rolling backwards. As the camera begins to shutdown Eve's voice goes back to normal as it states - "Threat Eliminated, please enjoy your weekend"
Legacy (Interlude 1)
As the first tape ends Robert is sitting motionless, his face pale and eyes wide with horror. The room around him feels colder, the shadows seem darker. He glances around nervously, as if expecting something to leap out at him. Determined to understand his grandfather’s connection and the reason behind these tapes being in the house, he inserts a second tape into a recorder.
Tape 2 - The Glitch
Leonard, a self proclaimed hot-head delves into an Amazonian jungle to document his experience as a self-testment to prove to himself that he is capable of surviving in the most primitive conditions possible. After filtering the river's water he proceeds to make his way downstream, while on his path, he hears a strange sound that resembles a bird sound yet it sounds more human, as he pans the camera to left, he captures a glimpse of a chameleon like creature that camouflages itself along the greenery next to the trees, yet the size is resembling that of a human. Leonard proceeds to scare the creature away by charging it with an axe as the creature makes it escape, Leonard realizes that he is lost in the dense jungle and isn't capable of finding his way back to the stream. After setting up camp, Leonard decides to document his thoughts and plans of finding his way out, as all of the sudden his rhetoric is interrupted by a blood curtailing roar. He steps out with an axe and his head proceeding to taunt the intruder as using his camera's light investigate. Upon finding nothing, he goes back to sleep.
As the next day progresses Leonard is visibly morally beaten up, his speech becomes more sloppy and his drive to keep pushing is dwindling. As the sun beats down on his head, Leonard finally stumble upon the river after which he breaks down in tears. As his goes to fill up his water bottle, a disfigured, scaly, serpent like creature lunges itself onto Leonard's arm as it plunges it's teeth deep into his forearm. Leonard drops the camera as it captures his struggle to fight off the serpent, which he eventually manages to strike with his axe thus freeing his arm, after which he picks up the camera and proceeds to flee in panic leaving his backpack behind.
After hours of being lost again, Leonard's mental state proceeds to deteriorate, with him laughing hysterically at the camera as well as speaking gibberish. As night settles, Leonards is trying to make his way through the jungle as he proceeds to hear the blood curtailing roar again he pans the camera to the left as it captures the glowing eyes of the creature from the previous night. Eventually Leonard runs out of breath as he proceeds to get away, but stumbles and falls in the process. The camera captures Leonard backing into a tree as a gnarly, insect yet humanoid size like creature is slowing approaching him. Just as it seems that the creature is about to strike, it stops and backs out, as a loud voice from the speakers says "LIGHTS !". Confused and traumatised Leonard looks around as his surroundings are decimated from the holographs into a large testing area that simulates real life environments, revealing that the whole thing is an experiment designed to test human behaviour in the most stressed environment possible . A group of scientist lead by Robert's grandfather (Dr. Evans) approach Leonard and starts to medically exam him, measuring his pulse and examining his pupils. Robert's grandfather pulls out an audio recorder as he states that the experiment is successful and that the team is moving to Phase 2 as the scientists take shaken Leonard away.
Legacy - (Interlude 3)
The second tape ends abruptly, leaving Robert in a state of shock. He breathes heavily, sweat glistening on his forehead. The house feels more oppressive now, with strange noises echoing from the walls. He begins to notice subtle changes in his surroundings—furniture seems slightly out of place, and there’s an unsettling feeling of being watched. Despite his growing unease, he presses on, inserting the third tape into the VCR.
Tape 3 - Knightmare
The tape begins with a news reporter standing outside of the sealed off area by multiple patrol cars, as well as FBI and SWAT trucks. The reporter tells the audience that the raid is currently in progress as the FBI investigates a secluded tech Mogul for allegedly stealing governments classified material on technology for his benefit.
The footage shifts to the helmet cameras and body cams worn by the FBI agents - David, Ken, Octavian, Paul and Austin during the raid. As they enter the front of the house they are greeted by an ominous decor as well as artefacts from different time periods. As the team enters the main dining hall they stumble upon a massive machinery that doesn't look like anything they've seen before. All of the sudden the machines make a very loud clunking noise as the objects within the room begin to levitate, a huge wormhole opens up sucking the team in. As the team regain their footing they see that they are in the middle of a Jousting tournament in a castle's court in Medieval Europe. The cheering crowd goes silent as they take a look at a newly arrived visitors. The priest shouts in Old English "HERETICS GET THEM", as the crowd and the knights try to apprehend them the team opens fire upon the attackers killing several within seconds. The camera perspective shifts between each member, as Octavian is penetrated with a spear from behind. David gives the order to fall back, as the team enters the castle's kitchens.
Just as Austin is the last to enter inside he is snatched from behind and is taken towards the castle walls from which he is thrown upon onto huge wooden spikes that serve as a protective barrier around the castles foundation. As Austin's body camera captures a large wooden pike sticking out of chest facing the sky, he takes his last breath as his head turns to the side with his helmet camera capturing the peasants who have been thrown off the walls.
The remaining survivors David, Ken and Paul barricade themselves as they proceed to understand what is happening. Their discussion is interrupted by the door bursting open as several knights rush into the premises. The team goes up the spiral staircase with David throwing a grenade to slow down the pursuers. As they make their way atop of one of the towers the team realises that there is no way, after which Paul commits suicide by shooting himself in the head with his pistol, after which his helmet falls down into a muddy courthouse as the camera captures a glimpse of knights taking David and Ken prisoners. The camera cuts to black.
The camera resumes recording as huge crowd seems to be gathered in the courtyard for something. A curious peasant picks up a helmet and puts it on his head. The camera capture a stripped down David and Ken being tied to the stake as the priest proceeds to preach and accusing them of witchcraft, David and Ken cry out for mercy begging the crowd to let them go. Crowd not understanding modern English proceeds to cheer even louder for the priest. As the camera's battery begins to die, the torch lights up the hay beneath the spikes as flames engulf the screaming members of the team.
Legacy - (Interlude 4)
After the third tape concludes, Robert is visibly shaken. His hands tremble as he reaches for the final tape. The atmosphere in the house has turned sinister, with lights flickering and cold drafts sweeping through the room. He feels a presence, as if something is lurking just beyond his vision. He hesitates for a moment, then takes a deep breath and inserts the last tape, bracing himself for whatever horrors it contains.
Tape 4 - Altered
The tape begins with grainy footage inside a sterile, dimly lit laboratory. Four scientists, including Robert’s grandfather, are preparing for a highly confidential experiment that is recorder by a stationary camera as well as several cameras mounted to the wall. A woman is laying strapped on the table as she proceeds to panic, asking the team about her whereabouts. Robert's grandfather begins to ask her basic questions about herself to which she reacts with anger and despair.
The team prepares several syringes filled with transparent liquid as Dr. Evans (The pops) takes out his audio recorder and says "Subject 17 - Sarah Miller, Time of the Experiment - 10:00 AM". After the recording is done, over the course of several minutes the team injects Sarah with the transparent liquid as she proceeds to resist but all futile. At first, nothing happens, but then she begins to convulse violently. Her screams turn into inhuman roars, and her body contorts in unnatural ways. The other scientists rush to contain the situation, but Sarah breaks free with terrifying strength. She proceeds to bite one of the scientists into the neck as she takes a chunk of her skin into her mouth as blood splatters over the room and covers one of the camera lenses with blood.
After grabbing one of the cameras Robert’s grandfather manages to lock himself in a storage room, the screams and sounds of carnage muffled by a thick metal door. He records a frantic message, detailing the experiment and his regret, before the camera cuts out. The tape ends with the sound of the woman’s monstrous roars echoing behind the door. The screen goes black.
Legacy - (Epilogue)
The final tape ends as Rob's eyes are dark and hollow, his face gaunt and haunted. Suddenly, the room grows deathly silent. An apparition of his grandfather appears before him, revealing that the tapes were a conduit to transfer a dark entity into a new host. As Robert convulses and is overtaken by the entity, the screen cuts to black. Moments later, the image returns, showing Robert, now possessed, preparing new tapes for the next unsuspecting viewer. The film ends with the ominous image of the metal box being sealed shut once more, ready to be discovered by its next victim.

⚠️ TLDR: My mom doesn't like when I don't want to hold hands with her, but I don't because it makes me uncomfortable.
(No actual SA described in detail here but I tagged it just in case...)
When I'm (23F) in a good mood, I don't mind it too much. It does irk me a tiny bit. But occasionally I'll go ahead and do it for her. When I'm in a bad mood or in my thoughts and listening to music, I don't want to be bothered.
My mom (43) will be driving sometimes, and randomly lightly slide her hand over the top of my forearm/hand to grab it, which for some random reason makes me uncomfortable. (May slightly, possibly, have a tiny chance of being due to the fact that I was molested by my cousin when I was in my single digits.) I hate when she does it because I'm in my thoughts and I'm suddenly being slid out of them with a weird feeling. Which is a good thing when said thoughts are depressing, but with the way she does it, it's like light feelings of electricity going through your arm hairs and I hate it. I hate being bothered when I'm just coming off of work or I'm in a bad mood.
But every time I say to stop doing that, she keeps doing it anyways, as if she's trying to piss me off, even though she says it's because she wants to hold hands with her own kid. She says she doesn't understand what the issue is, and I try to make up scenarios that she might understand, but she always finds a way to (seemingly on purpose) misunderstand them.
I understand that, because I used to love cuddling with my siblings when they were babies. But I'm not a baby anymore, so I can't have as many relaxing girl-talk moments with my mom when we sit in her bed, and she and I stopped cuddling as I grew up.
I don't cuddle with my 5 yr old brother anymore because I love him but kids in general annoy me with how easy they start bouncing off the walls. I hate when anyone besides my boyfriend randomly touches me, and even then I'm surprised. I hate handshakes too. And I've randomly touched people before but I had a situation in a job where a guy a few years younger than me disliked how I ruffled his hair twice to say hi, and brought it to my boss. That's one situation that got me to understand physical boundaries.
Today, the same hand-holding thing just happened 15 minutes ago, and I mentioned the context of personal space and boundaries to her in the "adult conversation" we just had, but her response was, "Right, as if I invade your personal space every day." I assume she said that because as soon as she, my brother, and I get home, I go straight into my room, change clothes, and relax in bed. And that's every single day.
I made the mistake of slamming doors and cursing to myself, but out loud. I have bad anger issues, which I'm trying to fix before I lose my job, but occasionally the anger drops like a bomb. I told her that I'm sorry for slamming doors, and she explained that it's her home, her sanctuary that shouldn't be damaged. I agree with that, even if I do pay her almost $700 a month. The lease is under her name, not mine. I just wish she would understand that not everyone has the same immediately positive mindset as her. I can be optimistic, but I have to dig my way out of the pessimism first.
I went outside, smoked for a sec, thought about an alternative method, and thought of her holding her hand out to me instead of randomly touching me. She was fine with that. And she acknowledged that I definitely am working on my anger with the big gap of time between now and the last time I slammed doors and threw a hole in the drywall.
I suppose we're all good and stuff now, I just wish it hadn't escalated the way it did. I could've just went straight to, "Ma, can you hold your hand out instead of randomly sliding yours onto me?" And then it be all good.

I have 2 exes. One who constantly came back, the other who never did. The one who came back, I was with for 3 years and he dumped me because he "lost feelings". He still reaches out to me every now and then. It used to make me feel good to see him reaching out initially especially as it was my longest relationship and I felt very bad about how he had left but over time I realised it didn't matter because if he was the one for me he wouldn't have left or at the very least would've tried to make amends a lot earlier on(something I learned later on). Most of our contact post-breakup would lead to arguments and cutting each other off repeatedly. I grew sick of this on/off behaviour and we both said goodbye to each other for good. He has still continued to reach out and even tried enquiring about my new relationship - I blocked him.
The other ex never reached out to me. He was my best friend for 4 years before we mutually decided to explore our feelings for each other. That relationship lasted a year and our breakup was due to neither of us willing to convert. He never treated me badly and he was good to me throughout and yet till date he has never reached out. Our mutual friends said he was very very torn up about our break up to the point where he started drinking yet till date he has not contacted me once, maybe out of respect, maybe indifference. No contact from him used to hurt me a lot, I felt like I meant nothing.
I loved them both at different points in life. The love was different because the guy was different but the foundation of it was the same because the foundation was within me.
In both situations, I still moved on. I experienced the ex coming back and the one who never did and now here I am 3 years later over both of them. Happy that both of them are not here, even the one that was good to me. I wish them both well but I don't care to know about their lives anymore. After both breakups I did probably everything this sub tells you not to do , I reached out plenty of times. It would take me atleast 3 months of back and forth to even commit to no contact.I felt like my heart was being ripped apart. I felt betrayed. When both of them broke up with me I felt like I wouldn't feel the same way again. But I did. It took me a lot of mental torture, bread crumbing, social media stalking the lot but after reflecting on the way I would feel after a breakup I realised how little I look after myself. I
I've learnt that everyone heals differently and at different speeds but if you reflect both on your own behaviour, theirs and that of your relationship you can speed up the healing process. You need to face all the dirty stuff; including your own mistakes. You need to feel the pain, the hurt, the anger, the jealousy every single emotion.If you don't it will remain bottled up inside you and resurface later down the line which is what you don't want.Don't let regret consume you, don't let someone who isn't meant to be yours hold you back from the one who is. Work on yourself every single day no matter how difficult it is because that is how you will move on and YES it completely okay to have setbacks, you just have to truly believe one day, maybe not today but one day this won't matter to me anymore and I promise you that is exactly what will happen.
I am proof of all the people who have said they woke up one day and felt nothing for their ex anymore. It's happened to me twice, with two completely different guys, two completely different relationships and me being absolutely mentally destroyed at the time. Just look forward to that feeling and it'll come quicker than you expect because life stops for no one.

Note: This guide contains minor spoilers.
Brogue is a challenging game and many players never manage to “beat” it, despite months or even years of attempts. This guide is intended as a framework for optimizing your gameplay so that you too can join the ranks of glorious heroes who’ve ascended the Dungeons of Doom with the Amulet of Yendor held high.
Part 1: Mindset
In his book Outliers, the journalist Malcom Gladwell makes the case that plane crashes aren’t usually caused by a single event, but an accumulation of small factors that eventually become unmanageable for the pilots. This is a useful analogy for dying in Brogue.
In most cases, a monster won’t simply walk over and kill you. Rather, you’ll use an unidentified potion that causes you to catch on fire and in the course of walking to the water, you’ll trip over a confusion trap and end up getting stung to death by eels and toads. Things start off fine, a minor accident happens and then problems pile up and suddenly you’re dead. How did this happen?
Most deaths in Brogue can be attributed to underestimating the dangers that surround you and not having contingency plans ready. Winning, therefore, is largely a matter of isolating threats and dealing with each individually, while meanwhile collecting as many contingency plans as possible. It’s much easier to kill a single pink jelly by backing yourself into a nook, for instance, than it is to stand in the open and fight eight of them at once. Your odds of survival are much greater if you have several weapons and means of escape at hand.
As you play, constantly assess how much danger you’re in. You should do this each time you descend to a new level, but also periodically throughout each level. It helps to be somewhat familiar with the game’s monsters and other hazards and to know on which levels they typically appear. By the time you reach depth 6, for instance, there’s a good chance you’ll start encountering ogres. Don’t wait until one is standing in front of you to come up with a means of killing it. Have as many plans as possible ready before you can even see her.
Tip: A common place people die is around depth 7 or 8. It’s by this time that, barring some great luck in early gear, you’ll need to begin committing to a build. The first few levels of the game will forgive a player who wanders around without much of a plan, but around depth 8, more difficult enemies appear and you need an efficient way to kill or avoid them.
Upon each descent to a new level, ask yourself, “How much am I risking by keeping this item unused in my inventory? Will using this now keep me alive on this level or am I simply wasting something that could be put to better use later?” Greedily hoarding six enchant scrolls because you still haven’t found the perfect weapon is a common precursor to death. Always just trying to stay alive for one more level is an ideal strategy if you can sustain it deep enough.
This leads us to the most underrated asset a player can wield in Brogue: information.
Part 2: Information
Like many roguelikes, Brogue is made more challenging because the player has incomplete information about his surroundings. The map is dark. There are hidden traps and enemies. Items and equipment are not identified. They could be cursed or harmful. And even if you know which items are harmful and which are helpful because you’ve used a detect magic potion, if it’s the first time you’ve encountered an item, you still won’t know precisely how it’s helpful or harmful.
Mere information is enough to keep you alive in many situations. That you could easily die with an unidentified teleport scroll in your inventory is evidence of this. The difference between being overcome by a group of furies or jackals and easily dispatching the group is knowing just where they are on the other side of that door. Waiting a few moments might save your life, if only you know well enough to do so.
You should not attempt to kill every monster in the dungeon. If you can clearly see that you can kill a monster and you’re sure that no other monster will approach during that fight, it’s generally a good idea to kill it so that it doesn’t later happen upon you at an inopportune time. But if there’s a dragon alone in a small room, it’s generally a good idea to leave him alone.
Scrolls of magic mapping, rings of awareness, rings of clairvoyance, telepathy charms and detect magic potions are incredibly valuable. Awareness gives your character free searches with each move, reducing the chance of stepping on a trap that could trigger a fatal chain reaction of events. Clairvoyance ensures you won’t miss hidden rooms and gives you advance notice of monsters. Telepathy shows you the locations and movement patterns of enemies. Detect magic ensures you won’t read a cursed scroll or equip a piece of equipment that could weaken your character long enough to kill him. Magic mapping ensures you and your allies don’t step on traps and it helps optimize your route, saving on food costs and aiding in tactical awareness for fights.
Your goal with regard to information should be a complete view of everything. This is not possible, but recognizing how much you can’t see and know is a useful step toward mitigating the risks that those information gaps present.
Tip: If you don’t have gear to help you detect hidden things, search often. (But not too often or you’ll run out of food and starve, perhaps the most ignominious of all Brogue deaths.) Clairvoyance and awareness rings are underrated — strongly consider taking them from vaults unless there’s a regeneration ring, which is perhaps the most powerful, or a ring you need for your build, like stealth or wisdom.
Part 3: Gear
Flexibility is key to survival in Brogue, because the environment is chaotic. Fires spread, clouds of noxious gasses unexpectedly fill the rooms and enemies grow greater in number as the player descends. Whatever your gear preference, the best way to survive is to decide on a build based on what’s available. Stubbornly clinging to the hope a broadsword will appear could mean an early death if you fail to use what gear is actually available.
A wide range of builds are viable. The key is to experiment, iterate and constantly assess how your selected loadout is faring against the dungeon’s threats.
Some seeds contain altars that allow the player to swap the enchants of one item to another, allowing the player to use one build in the early game and another for later levels.
Broadly, there are two strategies for gearing up. One is to put most or all enchants into a single item. The other is to spread the enchants around. Both can be viable depending on the seed.
Going all-in on a teleportation charm is a viable strategy with a bit of luck, and made more viable by armor that blocks dragonfire.
Fully enchanting a regeneration ring works best if the seed also happens to contain powerful weapons and armor with some level of innate enchantment.
Putting most or all enchants into a stealth ring can work if you have a war hammer, which is a slow weapon and otherwise difficult to use.
Many of the staves work well as the centerpiece of a build, as well.
There’s a table online that shows the amount of damage each weapon does. Consulting this can reveal tradeoffs in putting yet another enchant into your weapon versus diversifying and putting some enchants into a staff or ring, instead. It’s generally not worth enchanting armor unless it has a runic you’re using in your build.
Part 4: More tips to win Brogue
Even those who are good at Brogue die a lot. The No. 1 tip is to not give up. Replay each death, either in your mind or literally using the game’s recording function, to figure out what you might have done differently to survive. Eventually, you will prevail. It’s tough, but far from impossible.

• Consult the in-game “discovered items” menu to see which items you’ve discovered. This can help make risk-reward assessments when using unidentified items.
  
• Using unidentified items in batches (away from enemies) is a good way of mitigating the danger of that activity. Using a hallucination potion or fire potion is much less dangerous if you can follow it up immediately with a life potion.
  
• Stay away from eels.
  
• Avoid equipping unidentified gear unless you’re desperate or have a way of removing cursed gear, such as a scroll of remove curse, scroll of protect armor, scroll of protect weapon, or an enchant scroll. The latter is wasteful but better than being dead, and many cursed items can make a run fatally difficult.
  
• Remember helpful landmarks. Bloodwort stalks, pools of lava and chasms can all be used to help you navigate tricky situations. Bloodwort pods can heal. Luring enemies upstairs and then jumping down through chasms can eliminate threats. Lava can be combined with beckoning or entrancement to kill most enemies in a single turn.
  
• Try not to miss hidden rooms. They might contain food, life potions, enchant scrolls or other gear that would make a big difference between success and failure.
  
• Negation kills golems instantly.
  
• Don’t get cocky. No matter how powerful you get, getting paralyzed in the wrong place will kill you, as will many other things.
  
• Consider the multiple uses that items may have. A little forethought and creativity, combining items with the environment, can yield powerful outcomes.
  
• You can use an item from a vault and then return it to get a new item.
  

There’s a lot more to know, but the fun of the game is figuring these things out yourself and maybe even trying item combinations others haven’t considered.
Godspeed.

My parents have ruined my life through and through. They have raised me (23) with nothing while gave everything to my sister(26).
As kids she was their favourite and she studied really hard and did well academically in school, also took part in different sports and other activities. As I started growing up I did not put in the effort in studies, still scored more than her. My parents never allowed me to learn any sports or be part of any other activity.
For my sister, my parents would be there for everything while i had to do everything alone. They used to drop her off to her exams and wait 3 hours outside the centre in case she needs anything, She did well in her exams and got into the top 10, we were there for the entire day and supported her thoroughly. Throughout her school years, it was routine for my parents to take her to the school on weekends, interact with her teachers and make sure she's on the right track.
3 years later for me, they didn't even show up to school once after getting me admitted. Never once cared to meet my teachers or ask me how is school going. I used to walk alone to the school for my exams, i ended up ranked #1 in the school as well. My parents didn't have time to come to the graduation. I had to watch 2nd and 3rd ranked students get loved and celebrated by their families. While i just walked home alone, this time with a trophy.
Went and put it on the dining table, my mother yelled at me to put it away as I was letting the success get to my head. Not once did she say congratulations or well done or I'm proud of you.
My sister got into a college in the same city, and I remember my dad used to stay up at night with her helping her on her projects and assignments and he used to driver her to her college and back almost daily. It was 35 km away.
Meanwhile when I got into college in the same city 15 km from home , my father has been to my college only once that too for the admission. Never cared about my degree since. I had to use public transport everyday.
As for money, my sister used to get spending money from my parents and they bought her things all the time. I interned as a lawyer, earned some money but all of that would go in basic needs like travel, lunch , cheap clothes , cheap shoes and so on.
For my sister's college graduation, again the entire family went and celebrated with her. For me again it was me going to collect my degree, I didn't do well in college because I never had anything and it is fucking hard to function when you don't have a pair of shoes while your sister and your parents have dozens.
Whenever I asked to buy me something I was given the same lecture, money does not grow on trees, you don't value money, one day we'll die you will have to manage everything. While whenever my sister wanted something , my father would bring it to her as soon as practically possible.
I got into a great uni for master's on my own, while my parents had to pull strings and give money to get my sister into a master's course from a reputed uni.
I've secured a job as Assistant Professor, joining date is 21 July. My sister got placed as well, for about half as much as me.
And I cannot wait for this entire ordeal to end once and for all. I was finally going to have money, real money.
My sister is getting married soon, and my parents have now asked me to save from my salary and pay 1/4th of her wedding. Which will be roughly 3 months of my salary, and guess what my sister will not be paying for her own fucking wedding because she'd need that money to 'set things up', when her would be husband already has a house , a car and investments.
I am going to move in with my best friend, who has always been the one walking with me when my family time and time again abandoned me. I have decided that now it is time for me to abandon my family. I will stop caring about them , I will not pay a single cent for my sister's wedding. She should pay for her own wedding as she literally has no expenses after this. While i have to do everything on my own (till my parents die and I get their properties).

Between war, genocide, today’s housing market, the social security you’ve paid your entire career that you may never see, political corruption at its finest. How about everything happening with Baby Reindeer, Met Gala, the list goes on.. Even McKamey Manor is still operating despite mountains of evidence law enforcement ignores (do you remember? they ‘legally’ torture people with the promise of an extreme haunted house experience and winning $20k that you have no chance of winning? allegedly.)
Reckless Ben - I shut down McKamey Manor https://youtu.be/ckX-RuoEles?si=YzatLiL8Ylrz0tqO
It took a few reckless YouTubers who banned together with a just a pure passion for a situation where they really saw potential in their odds to level what many people have been silenced about in their aspirations to bring justice to an obviously broken system.
And for $GME ?
Sony Pictures - Dumb Money available on ad free Netflix https://youtu.be/bmr8YmwnZ3w?si=IKemq9bTnEZc92Ix
Netflix - Eat The Rich: The GameStop Saga https://youtu.be/P8jtdao1zkE?si=WR-ELXnT2Yd71nSt
The banks seem to be bailed every. single. crisis.
The housing crisis https://youtu.be/IjZ-ke1kJrA?si=i6JbUkmWenOYvJQ5
https://youtu.be/vgqG3ITMv1Q?si=S7NLjBcjOhUP3MCE
The March 2023 bank failures https://youtu.be/YDwDMF_f5rM?si=rS0ShhpoyKFN3QH5
https://youtu.be/z8B9K145uTg?si=eC8uKhfun5g7cR96
The ongoing issue with social security https://youtu.be/j1Bfxxhdn6g?si=cCMFq2zgJ6_7ESY1
The controversy around voting rights https://youtu.be/yn36tY7rNUM?si=3V1f2xrBXlm5d8-F
Citizens United https://youtu.be/k5kHACjrdEY?si=QUn9yhl7UfOMHWqL
Where are you left in this?
CNBC - How much do Americans need to be comfortable? https://youtu.be/TgVtXT5Mqj0?si=Oq96lGY4LHxm8H-_
Don’t mistake this post for financial advice. Personally I just… https://youtu.be/Hp_bGdp_yhc?si=wl2IVCqZ65-eFtE3
I believe the people should make informed decisions if they so choose to participate in this market as you can so quickly be in financial ruin. If you so choose to research the recent uproar, please don’t let the following links be your only source of information. Do your own due diligence.
$GME has a seemingly healthy debt to equity ratio lowering their long term debt obligations by 11 million last quarter. Despite their decrease in revenue, they’ve lowered their operating lossed from 311.6 million to just 34.5 mil! Please understand this is unaudited as mentioned in the quarterly report. Take a look for yourself.
GameStop - GameStop Reports Fourth Quarter and Fiscal Year 2023 Results https://investor.gamestop.com/news-releases/news-release-details/gamestop-reports-fourth-quarter-and-fiscal-year-2023-results
Financial Visualizations - $GME https://finviz.com/quote.ashx?t=GME&ty=c&ta=1&p=d
Talk about GameStop’s future is a hot topic and has a new investment plan embracing video game giants future plans.
Bernard Zambonin - GameStop will likely report a profitable year for the first time since 2018 https://www.thestreet.com/memestocks/gme/gamestop-will-likely-report-a-profitable-year-for-the-first-time-since-2018#:~:text=However%2C%20the%20tide%20turned%20when,ahead%20of%20the%20previous%20projections.
Bernard Zambonin - Is Ryan Cohen steering GameStop toward a Berkshire Hathaway or Icahn Enterprises Transformation https://www.thestreet.com/memestocks/gme/is-ryan-cohen-steering-gamestop-toward-a-berkshire-hathaway-or-icahn-enterprises-transformation-
Forbes - Yes, a digital-only gaming future is coming, and we can’t stop it https://www.forbes.com/sites/mitchwallace/2023/10/13/yes-a-digital-only-gaming-future-is-coming-and-we-cant-stop-it/?sh=7b82b7673bd7
Rebekah Valentine - Phil Spencer says Xbox is ‘supportive’ of physical media amid rumors of shift to digital business https://www.ign.com/articles/phil-spencer-says-xbox-is-supportive-of-physical-media-amid-rumors-of-shift-to-digital-business
I wish you all the best of luck. https://youtu.be/Hp_bGdp_yhc?si=JVr6CQcddjDfWm_6

~First~
A Scion of Many Worlds
Observer Wu was not sure about this next call. There had been rumours, rumours stories and absurdities from first to last. But this was one he would need to investigate thoroughly. He steels his face to a neutral position as the call goes through.
“You’re on a drone observing. I am working.” Is the first thing that comes through. A voice simultaneously deep but accompanied with a chorus of tingling bells. The image shows an enormous figure that appears to be primarily composed of shimmering white fur looking over the 3D model of a building as he directs things through the air with his right hand. Support structures, beams and building materials all soar at his direction and quickly slam themselves into place to quickly construct a large structure. “I am capable of speaking as I work, so if you have questions then ask them.”
“I am Observer Wu from Earth. I am looking for Mister Blue.
“I am one of the Blues.” The enormous figure states. “Jasper Blue, also Emmanuel Skitterway.”
The camera zooms in before something white catches onto it and it’s forced back. “Apologies, the drone is not of the best quality.”
“I would assume that a... God Emperor would have better?”
“I am directing these resources into infrastructure. Things like this sewage processing plant will not build themselves and the components that the camera drone requires are better spent ensuring that pathogens are kept out of the water, or that a medical scanner has appropriate redundancies.” Emmanuel replies as the panelling to the outside of the building start attaching itself at his direction and they’re quickly left with a solid looking structure with numerous tanks to the side.
“Alright the building is finished! Painters! Have your way with it!” He calls out and numerous people rush up with decorating supplies. “There is more for me to do. While many of the relief ships arrived with prefabricated buildings there was an unfortunate and nearly universal blindspot in their considerations.”
“Which is?”
“That while the world is settled by many respects, it was at a late iron age level at best, borderline tribal in other areas. Sewage treatment and sanitation concerns like that are simply not in their proper place. Every major and minor settlement requires a massive overhaul of it’s infrastructure in order to bring the living standards up to even industrial levels, let alone galactic levels.” Emmanuel states.
“This seems rather menial for someone ostensibly in charge of an entire planet.”
“Delegation. I have any communications and status updates relayed to me through that pursuing drone, it’s a hand’s free system, so while it is not always at one hundred percent satisfaction it allows me to lead while I also work. After all, many of the legislative concerns can be easily taken care of by my numerous assistants, but only a handful of people have the sanitation know how and willingness to work and put together sewage containment.”
“A little demeaning for one worshipped as a god.”
“I am a Primal. I’m going to be regarded as such whether I indent a throne with an ever widening rear or gunk out sewer lines, and of the two only one of them actually makes things better.” Emmanuel dismisses.
“Really. Yet you’re still not getting dirty.”
“I could do things less efficiently to look like I’ve been working hard, but honestly it’s all in the Axiom. The truth of the matter is that sewer work with even just a small amount of technology is more boring than dirty.” Emmanuel states before turning, the camera turns with him. It now shows where an entire army of workers are installing the pipes and systems for a proper sewage network. “Still, not bad eh? One year ago this place was an abandoned wreck of a smaller city. The population all but mind controlled by a group of religious fanatics who convinced them to abandon their homes and any dignity. They’ve come a long way since.” Emmanuel states.
“Have they?”
“This was the Greenstone Alliance Territory, a breakaway state from The Empire of Miru. To them the cannon was the military innovation rocking the nation.”
“I see...”
“Now they get air conditioning, indoor plumbing, heating in the winter, canned food for the leaner months, telephones to speak with their loved ones over a distance, radio for alerts and entertainment and far more.” Emmanuel states as he indicates an antenna being set up.
“All that?” Observer Wu remarks. “You seem a little... involved for a supposed god.”
“There are two so called gods on this world.” Emmanuel replies. “I, who have personally conquered much of it, wheeled and dealed with other nations and proved myself as warrior and leader both, and Yserizan. Yserizan is either the mother, grandmother or great grandmother of at least a quarter of the world population.”
“And your relationship to this Yserizan?”
“One of my wives. Our union was also a unification of Lablan as a single strong point on this world and...”
“What’s this?” A new voice asks and the camera reorients to a young woman with glowing golden hair.
“Just a camera drone, nothing to be concerned about.” Emmanuel states.
“Oh. So it’s watching us?”
“Yes.”
“And the image of the person on top of it?”
“The person watching.”
“Who is he?”
“Observer Wu.”
“And why is an Observer needed?”
“Do you recall whenever Earth or the Origins of Humanity are discussed?”
“A little? Every time I seem to get a little bit more education it just lets me see how much more there is.”
“Oh that’s very normal.” Emmanuel replies.
“If I may be introduced?” Observer Wu asks.
“I am Empress Zaviah Enlightened Luxen Divine Ascendant, ruler of Miru Reborn.”
“Miru Reborn is?”
“One of the largest empires upon Lakran. Consisting of Central Miru, The Greenstone Territories of Northern Miru and The Goldlands Unification of Southern Miru. Our population is primarily Erumenta of all types, but other peoples are of course welcome.”
“And what brought about this rebirth?” Observer Wu asks and his eyebrows go up as Zaviah points right at Emmanuel.
“Heh, guilty. Everywhere I turned the planet seemed to just be full of more and more problems that needed to stop sometime ten years ago and no one else was available. So I did the best I could.”
“And then broke armies, nations and all known limits upon people.”
“All presently known limits, what I did is only impressive when it’s weighed in that I started with only Horace’s memories and didn’t even understand how an Urthani body fully worked at the time.” Emmanuel states.
“Yes. I read that report. It was absurd.”
“It was accurate. We have all the parties involved to attest for it here on planet if you care to speak with them.” Emmanuel notes as he checks a device and nods. “All right, next is...”
“Break.” Zaviah tells him.
“Excuse me.”
“Grandmother has given ME the authority to force you into rest father!” Zaviah says with relish in her tone.
“She wouldn’t!”
“She has! If I see that you’re working too hard I can tell you to stop.”
“You do know she legally has no such authority over me right?” Emmanuel asks pointing a diamond plated claw at the comparatively tiny Erumenta who’s grinning widely at this.
“Yes, but she’ll be so disappointed that her little boy isn’t taking care of himself anymore even though he promised to and...”
“It was a mistake working so hard to make the two of you friends.” Emmanuel says in a note of false despair. “Just a moment I’ll instruct the work crew on the next few communities to proceed without me.”
“That sounds like work.”
“A text to go with Plan B rather than Plan A is not work, it’s good manners.” Emmanuel protests and raises an eye ridge as a much smaller girl tries to glare him down. “Are you sure you want to put so much force into your day by day interactions while...”
A tiny dark shape slams into Zaviah to the Erumenta’s audible protest as Magrica starts gushing about how cute it is for the little girl to finally have some grit in her gut and how she’s going to braid her hair and take her monster hunting and get her a battleaxe to go with that attitude...
Emmanuel turns to the politely puzzled Wu and shrugs.
“Motherhood does amazing things to some women. Magrica was much more openly fierce before, but she decided that all my children, adopted and otherwise, were hers to teach and nurture into proper warriors.”
“And how did she take the fact that you are technically the step parent of a quarter of the world’s population if what you told me about Yserizan is correct?”
“She has an entire squadron of Nagasha she’s training to be monster hunters. It’s actually going pretty well. The Jungle Nagasha are really appreciating it more than the other types, but the few Cloud Nagasha they have as scouts and aerial reconnaissance are fully embracing the role.”
“And how are you taking to... godhood?” Observer Wu asks his eyes penetrating.
“It grows more comfortable unfortunately.”
“Unfortunately.” Wu repeats. Not questioning, but certainly prompting.
“I’ve had to put aside my own prejudices in the matter. Humans have a bad track record with self proclaimed gods and messiahs. Too many fakes and too many holy wars. To say nothing of the cults, witch-hunts and the like. And Urthani would follow any number of faiths, but the divine figure was either some kind of Divine Truth, a more abstract theology, gods that embody concepts or something animist for the most part.”
“Did you look to The Nagasha for a better example?”
“I did, and that’s what caused me to grow more comfortable with the title. Primal Nagasha aren’t worshipped in the way humans would a prohet or saint. Seeing them as nigh infallible. No, a Primal Nagasha is simply the very best that a Nagasha can be and it can neither be stopped nor denied. While most of them are indeed leaders to follow, authorities to obey or the sources of philosophy to accept, they are not regarded as unquestionable or infallible.”
“And that is what helped?”
“It is. I was terrified that someone would misinterpret me, either honestly or malevolently, and cause immense damage in my name. A crusade to cull any politician that isn’t in the military through fire and steel, or an Urthani Colony deciding that they deserve the entire world and since not only have the strength now, but a god of their own, that they are righteous in slaughter... I had several kinds of nightmare when I let my mind wander.”
“And?” Wu prompts.
“I had a conversation. An important one with an important person. She helped me put everything in perspective. But she’s not the type to appreciate too much attention. So she’s requested I keep things quiet. But, I can say that she is an authority on the subject. And she had a fair amount to say.”
“So you’ve spoken to other so called gods of the serpent people.”
“Primal Nagasha, and yes. One has arrived already, she lives her life as quietly as she can. Another is soon to arrive. The first wanted my measure, the second wants to ensure that as a more militaristic Primal that I’m up to standard as she calls it.”
“Oh?”
“I’m part of the smallest stable demographic in the galaxy. Primals. Apparently we’re a very self policing people.”
“So in other words, you’re more a celebrity in multiple fields than some object of worship?”
“Closer to actual worship than celebrity worship I’m afraid. Still, it’s not mindless, and those that are looking for an excuse... well they’ll find another one if it’s not me. At least if someone’s trying to use my name to do something horrible it means I have all moral authority to let them know how stupid such a thing is.”
“I suppose that is an upside to an insane cult deciding that it wants to go on a rampage in your name.”
“But that’s just the thing I really had to internalize, if they’re going to do that, then they’re going to do it and I’m just their excuse. They’ll find another if I’m not available. I’m responsible for the example I set, the actions I do and the things I say. I am not responsible for how they are interpreted.”
“Interesting. Still, is there a reason you’re sharing this in particular?”
“I figured the most distressing thing that Earth would consider about my situation was my rise into divine stature. A powerful soldier can be understood, a powerful politician or businessman can also be understood, but someone being regarded as a god can not be understood within a positive context thanks to the rather terrible history of such on Earth.” Emmanuel says.
“That... is an interesting concern. However, you do not think your conquering an entire world to be a bad thing?”
“Considering that it was basically in unending war, competition and self sabotage? Yes. You see, this world was suffering over an unending brain drain due to the fact that all male colonists were lost in the initial crash of the colony ship. There were surviving males, but they were in stasis and could not be retrieved. The method that was used to ensure there would be a future population was flawed, intended as an emergency stopgap. But they didn’t have the means to move past it. So it was used over and over again. This world was nearing the breaking point.”
“And that justifies conquering it?”
“When the nation states are tearing themselves apart through mindless pride? Scheming for the sake of scheming? Or are outright predating the other states? Yes, yes it does. To not intervene would have killed, far, far more people.”
“So you justify things by saying that thye will thank you some day?’
“They thank me now.”
“And it’s sincere?”
“Yes, considering that I’ve had a woman weep with relief at getting something as simple as a pair of glasses, or another outright beg for her child and herself to be healed of the degeneration they’ve suffered. How can I consider it anything but sincere?” Emmanuel asks.
“Oh? Who are you speaking with?” A new voice asks before a massive serpent woman slithers into Wu’s field of view. Her hood is fully flared out to reveal her as Lady Yserizan as she regards things. “A human friend?”
“An Observer from earth, they’re struggling to believe all the things they’ve been told.”
“Considering some mornings I wake up scarcely believing how my life has changed for the better I don’t blame them.” Yserizan notes happily. “Still, is there anything this... Observer wants to know in particular?”
“In particular I want to know many things. I’m just saying my first hello and listening to whatever anyone wants to say to me. I’ll be visiting that world before I return to Earth so make of that what you will.” Observer Wu says.
“Of course, it might be interesting to show you the temple my daughters made for me.”
“I will admit, receiving a tour of a living god’s temple from the god themselves will be a new experience for me.” Observer Wu admits.
~First~ Last

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

Sorry it's so late this week. I'm an ex Seoul Dynasty player as well and I was a bit too busy so I kind of just listened to all for it and then got way too busy for a few days with work. Here's the loose translations for episode 5 of Overwatch University. Rush had to leave very early on due to Internet issues and Moon who was watching at the time volunteered to help as a lot of the talk was in regards to the Seoul vs Shanghai Rivalry anyways so having both POVs was insightful
Topic 1 Intros and Seoul Dynasty Season 1
Aid: Have you seen Overwatch University given you have been invited by NineK
Tobi: Not really. I've skimmed around and seen pieces of the Crusty interview and Moon interview.
Aid: We're going to go over Tobis lengthy career as we were both pros
NineK: Isn't it kind of disrespectful to Tobi for you to group him up with you?
Aid: I had a lot of talent I just got cursed with a shit Coach like you NineK right Tobi?
Tobi: True
Aid: See two instances of your failures
NineK: What does that make the people who won under me? You two must've been the problem.
Aid: (pulled up Seoul Dynasty s1 roster and Tobi just explains who all of them were) Honestly you guys didn't do amazing right?
Tobi: No we were bad we went 7-3, 7-3, 5-5, and then 3-7. Just mid
NineK: Did you feel in preseason scrims you were in trouble?
Tobi: No I didn't we did very well even in the preseason games we won everything.
Rush: There any problems we didn't know about you can tell us?
Tobi: I can tell all the potential members we could've had though. Carpe, Fury, Gesture, Jjonak
NineK: Wow you started and ended with Seoul now that I think about it.
Aid: So we heard lots of rumors about Seoul but I heard you had unique member rotations where only allowing certain players for certain stages?
Tobi: If I'm clarifying a bit the split rosters was more of a season 2 decision with an A team and B team where eventually the roster mixed together. Biggest issue was the coaches couldn't agree. So sometimes they would just take turns like coach A gets to decide today then coach B gets to decide what to do and then coach c.
NineK: I heard you basically did that with a new coach per stage.
Rush: Who was your head coach?
Tobi: 4 coaches + extras
Aid: How did you decide who played what?
Tobi: Honestly the meta was so hard locked at the time the biggest issue was the coaches disagreed how we should play and it was very confusing how we should do it. We basically went back and forth with a coach of the day deciding what we did.
NineK: Too many games too. That's how Shanghai went 0-40 cause there was way too much. Not to mention no one wanted to scrim them cause it's not like you wanted to be their first victory either.
Tobi: We scrimmed them a bit
NineK: Wow you're nice people.
Tobi: They've invited us over at times and made food for us too.
Rush: Yeah there's pictures of it.
NineK: Cause of the Korean members?
Tobi: No this was way before that
NineK: Wow so kind. Isn't it cause your results weren't good either?
Tobi: Uhhh... Where were you in season 1?
NineK: I came in late. Stage 3. Season 1 was fun though
Aid: Honestly getting dragged back and forth by your coaches must be stressful. As a player there has got to be times when you do something one way and think to yourself why the heck does he want me to do it this way instead
NineK: Also they'd probably never had that many members to work with either since they just added players to Lunatic Hai
Tobi: True. We had 11 starting members and then acquired Gambler when I was having wrist issues. Then we lost another member and went back to 11. I truly believe having 12 members was so pointless
NineK: I agree like it's good if you can make it work but if you don't it just makes people feel awful. I don't know why people insisted so much on large rosters.
Tobi: Lots of people lots of possibilities I guess?
Rush: Also this is when OWL wanted to copy traditional sports so they got a bunch of players on their rosters
Tobi: They did invest more in OWL back then
NineK: They were really the team designed to win everything weren't they?
Rush: I remember an article saying they had an 80% chance of winning
NineK: People don't get how hard this time was cause of the random Mercy meta. Honestly probably wouldn't have been this bad for Seoul if patches came out like they do now
Tobi: Meta was unfavorable sure but we just played poorly to be honest
NineK: Wow so honest very cool
Topic 2: Ryujekong
Aid: Everyone was so confused by Ryujehong on Tank I want to hear what happened
Tobi: Honestly it's been so long I don't remember this time very well. I also wasn't even scrimming or playing at the time because of my wrist. I was basically just going to the doctor. We had kuki who for reasons was having troubles so he stopped playing and then Miro was having a lot of struggles at the time as well with how the meta was playing. It's mostly because of the comms cause obviously Miro had better mechanics Jehong sucks at primaling too but he would take space well and call out commands for the team to help
Aid: How did your scrims go?
Tobi: I don't remember
NineK: He can't help but not remember there were only scrims allowed at the practice facilities at the time and kids that were ill like him straight up just didn't even go. There were set times
Aid: So this isn't Jehongs main position and he was forced to tank must have been hard.
NineK & Rush: Must be
Tobi: It absolutely was. Imagine how sorry he felt to Miro. He was a support replacing Miro. If he fails not only does he get ridiculed for it but people slander Miro for being replaced by a tank of this caliber he felt very burdened feeling sorry that Miro might get insulted more than he did
NineK: I remember at the time a lot of people said Jehong had a bad Zenyatta as well but I thought it was good
Aid: Yeah I don't really see how he was particularly bad
NineK: Honestly the way things were he was probably just getting compared to Jjonak who was a beast at the time. The flame for Jehong was insane at the time
Aid: I remember his team would just hyper pocket Jjonak and have him just frag. NYXL were so defensive and good at pocketing.
NineK: In another way of seeing things that playstyle not being meta anymore might be why NYXL couldn't hack it in finals.
(Watching VOD of Seoul vs London)
NineK: Damn Munchkin fucking sucked at Tracer
Rush: Wait why is Fleta playing Widow?
Tobi: He was really good at Widow
NineK: He was
Rush: Then what is Munchkin good at
NineK: Just Cassidy Soldier. But Widow was so broken back then
Aid: Monkey could never catch her cause of her grapple cooldown
NineK: Nearly all the monkeys sucked at primal dribbling too. If a Mercy pocketed her she never died either. Who was good then again? Carpe...
Tobi: Linkzr Surefour Pine
Aid: Wow such names from my memories
NineK: Gesture Fury were way too good at Monkey D.va. Honestly there's so much shit about London I wanna expose
Aid: Bring Profit
NineK: I'll get Rascal easily. Wow Bdosin looks so young here what the he'll.
Topic 3: End of Season 2 VOD of Jehong Tobi Crying Post Elimination to Spark
Aid: I didn't know this happened at the time but NineK mentioned this happened can you explain?
Tobi: At the time role lock got forced and doomfist hanzo reaper were good. At the time we were kind of really good in scrims but lost to a team in tournament we never lost too in scrims. Jehong was already out there crying and I didn't want to come out and Danny kept forcing me to come out even though I said I didn't want too. But I was afraid the broadcast would get delayed or ruined cause of me so I was forced to.
Ninek: At the time we were preparing for our game up right after them but our GM was so fuxking angry at the time like how could you force them to do this right after they lost he complained a lot to Blizzard. Cause just imagine, thank God you brought out two veterans and media trained players. Imagine if you brought out complete noobies if it was this hard for these 2 veterans imagine what they might let slip on a broadcast when emotions are this high. This is also right after their season ended and they were officially eliminated.
Rush: From Blizzards POV these 2 were icons of the game and they probably felt like they could really show the importance and feelings toward this game to the audience watching
NineK: But like RIGHT after they lost is insane to me. Like let them process instead of fucking ambushing them as they're coming down from the stage.
Rush: But it's important cause this is when they're at the peak of the emotions being felt so I get it.
NineK: There's actually so many players who went down that stage to the hallways down crying
Aid: Of course they work hard and it didn't work.
Tobi: When we scrimmed we only lost to 1 team ever. Shock. We beat Vancouver NYXL Spark everyone else.
NineK: Wow so strong
Tobi: But in the end we just lost to Spark
NineK: I can say this now but we scrimmed Hangzhou a lot at this time. They didn't have a coach we were their coaches. Literally they would scrim us and copy us the next day in games. Since GOATs they basically decided they couldn't beat us so they copied our opening strats positioning skill usage everything. That's why they did decent
Aid: So Seoul lost cause of you
Tobi: We regretted a lot because of some of our microplays. There was a thing when double shield was first happening where Moria sprays her heals on the tanks right? The enemy Sigmas could shoot their shield out behind the Orisa to block the heals. And we thought this was possible but went and said it wasn't going to be a difference maker and ignored it
NineK: Wait we were doing that since day 1 lol
Tobi: We lost to Spark because of that. We felt awful cause this is something we thought could happen but ignored. At the time Marvel was our Sigma and Michelle who was a traditional offtank was forced on Orisa. We had Fissure who was good at Orisa who retired so we had no Orisas.
Aid: Timings always been off for Seoul I guess
NineK: No wonder you felt so many emotions. I was so sad seeing this. Seoul was honestly so good in season 2 but always somehow was just one step short. It hurt my heart to see them.
Aid: Players don't like to cry like that so they have to have been feeling so much to cry like this
Topic 4: Seoul vs Shanghai
Aid: We had Moon and he said some stuff on this we were all in the West and we would just see the results but this May Melee where you were up 3-0 and got reverse swept... your stories about this?
Tobi: We didn't get ahead of ourselves Shanghai was always good at Gibraltr and we thought we would lose this map but win the rest for a 4-1. I'm not sure how we lost Busan though
Tobi: We won a lot with our double shield
Rush: Fearless wasn't supposed to play
Aid: Fearless told me at the time he didn't get to scrim even once and then came in and won everything
NineK: Wow
Aid: Yeah no scrims at all
NineK: Wait Tobi why us Bdosin on Brig and you on Baptiste?
Tobi: I played the Baptiste for Seoul at the time cause Bdosin fucking sucked at Bap. This mother fucker could never use his abilities properly. He must've gotten sick in the head watching Viol2t play or something cause whenever he had cooldowns he would be on some high ground alone shooting and scream "Aghhh" and die off on his own
NineK: I remember now it wasn't super locked who played what because no one had Briggitte experience at the time
Tobi: Also if this happened there would be cases where in double shield mirror your Brig had to swap to Zenyatta but at the time Gesture had too many complaints about coordinating his pulls with Bdosin
NineK: I have no idea how Seoul lost this right now
Tobi: There's no absolutes in Overwatch. But the only thing I remember is our loss in Junkertown
Aid: For Kings Row I remember the Felta carry with Widow this was probably in all of those OWL top 5 highlights. I still can't believe how far Shnghai got in Junkertown though
NineK: Wow even Fearless is playing Orisa here
Tobi: That's why we thought we would win here. It's such a double tank focused map. Fits was randomly flanked high on the left and I td him to get down but he died on our A defense.
NineK: Wow you guys got out ult cycled like crazy
Rush: The Torbjorn choice here leaves a lot to be desired
NineK: I agree
Aid: So then there is that little celebration Shanghai did how did you feel
Tobi: Can I curse?
NineK: Seoul is just so ugh... like back in season 2 they beat New York during GOATs who was supposed to be top 2 but Seould couldn't take those next steps to greatness here as well. There are those super important games that once you win you just go on a roll and Seoul never got to do it
Tobi: I really hated losing to Shanghai cause I could've been on the team.
NineK: Really?
Tobi: Yeah I received offers from them on 3 separate occasions but ended up choosing Seoul. I wanted to believe I made the right choice so I wanted to win
Topic 5: Tobi Happy. Season 3
Aid: There's this gif of you happy after a win
NineK: It's so funny you took your glasses off before cheering
Tobi: At the time we lost to Shanghai so often but then finally beat them
NineK: The thing is Seoul was lucky cause they actually shouldn't have been in the season 3 finals originally.
Rush: Washington was the biggest offender
NineK: Off memory it felt like a "everyone suffered because of COVID so everyone gets a chance" thing
Tobi: But the thing to note is we did well in the West before we were forced to go to Korea and beat Glads and Valiant. We won like all of our scrims at the time.
NineK: Fine I'll give you that
Rush: Seoul was honestly really good during the online era
Aid: What did you think of the Hog meta?
Tobi: I was a huge doubter. Like at the time it was Zarya Hog or Sigma Hog. It just had none of the fundamentals of Overwatch I was used to seeing. I just couldn't believe it.
NineK: Tobis a purist "where do you come from thinking Hog could ever be a main tank"
Tobi: His ability to take space was unreal at the time. But Gesture was really into it and Wizardhyeong pushed for it
Aid: Gesture was a really good Hog though
NineK: All the guys there had good Hogs. Gesture Super Smurf Fearless were all good at it
Rush: But Shanghai didn't play it
NineK: I don't know Shanghais reasoning but I know Shock played how they did cause Viol2t fucking sucked at Ana lol. The thing is he did win with it but his scrim results as Ana was terrible
Rush: Viol2t Ana is known in the community as weaker though
NineK: But he doesn't think so
Tobi: I heard it got to the point where Crusty said he would do better if he played than Viol2t
NineK: That's why Architect played it for a bit. They had Twilight but I have no idea why they didn't use him more. I don't know how much I should say when there's no Shock rep from the time here but as far as I Know Super wasn't supposed to play. Smurf was but he didn't fit with his playstyle and the team well enough at the time
Tobi: If I have to point out regrets in the Shock game it was not using Zenyatta on Busan
NineK: But shouldn't you playing something other than the Ashe?
Tobi: No this was when Ashe was super broken and Profit was really good at her
Aid: The more I see it the more I really feel regrets about Seouls performances
NineK: That's what I've been saying Seoul was almost never bad and had huge upside a lot for different points in time. Honestly they're Asia's Philly Fusion
Tobi: You know how it is NineK if one thing changed with your Hotba strategy or Rascal not waking the monkey
NineK: I had a team with Tobi and Carpe and caught the 2nd place curse
Tobi: Woah why are you blaming me I've won plenty.
NineK: I did too before meeting you guys
Tobi: Then it's Carpes fault
NineK: I guess it is lol
Aid: At this point we need to have Carpe on to defend himself
NineK: We're going to go watch his games this Saturday
Tobi: The Hollwood bug pissed me off too
(Vod review where Tobi popped Valkyrie in spawn and the D.va bomb from Choi killed Tobi in the respawn room) this and Viol2t living at 1 health
Aid: Wow you guys are just destined to not win that day
Tobi: It was everything against us honestly
NineK: Honestly in the regular Hog comps Seoul and Dhock were about even but Seoul couldn't beat Shocks Hog and Ball Comp
Tobi: I actually wanted to go Numbani here instead of Hollywood
NineK: I remember at this time Choihyobin was getting gapped by Hanbin a bit and all of us joked his time was over and Hanbin would replace him as the new offtank goat
NineK: I remember at this time Shock felt Bdosin was scarier. They took more maps with him. Even though they defended better with Creative
Tobi: I think at the time he wasn't getting too much scrim time so he just said to let Creative play
Topic 6 Coach Tobi
Aid: You came back after being a player for Fusion to being Head Coach of Seoul Dynasty how was that for you?
Tobi: I kind of just stopped feeling the desire to compete like "I definitely can still compete mechanically but guess it might just not work out from here"
Tobi: Was worried that newer players he hadn't yet played with wouldn't follow his leadership well
Aid: So who was the player who least listened to you
Tobi: Everyone below me followed very well
Aid: So did you work well with the other coaches given it was mentioned there were previously conflicting visions?
Tobi: Oh these people were later coaches and we had very good talks together and worked well together
NineK: Since we wanna wait for our other guest when we talk about the next topic let's move on and talk about our time together in Fusion
Tobi: There were a lot of regrets weren't there?
NineK: The biggest problem for me was I didn't know we would be playing in Korea when I made the roster and heard it from someone from another team.
NineK: I felt sorry to Carpe for that. He's like Seoul where certain key moments not working out it feels like de-railed everything for him.
Aid: What did you think when you joined and first got to know NineK?
Tobi: When I joined I did so because I heard so much good stuff about him. Like he just knows a lot about Overwatch so I was curious about him and learned a lot. There's Crusty NineK Moon and Rush that are the coaches that are very well talked about that I was curious about. I got to meet NineK and Wow I'd never believed someone could get so angry over this game he would slam on the desk yelling while coaching. But the thing was while doing that he would always be right about what he's saying
Topic 7: Moon Joins
(Moon joins the podcast because Rush was lagging out)
NineK: So is it true you sent offers to Tobi
Moon: I guess I should say hi first. My name is Coach Moon who tried to get Tobi every year but failed.
NineK: I tried that with Fury
Aid: Is one of the reasons you wanted to beat Seoul no matter what because you didn't get to recruit Tobi?
Moon: No actually around that time I got in a lot of trouble with my wife. She said I talked to Tobi more than her. This was before we signed LeeJaeGon
Tobi: In 2020 season Shanghai actually had a lot of players I wanted to play with. Fleta Lip and such. As well as just giving a better offer out right.
NineK: Void too.
Tobi: Yeah always keeps contact with him too. But I really wanted to run it back with Ryujehong one last time because of the regrets of our last 2 seasons together to redeem ourselves. But he ended up choosing Vancouver and as I ended up wanting to go to Shanghai instead, they ended up already getting LeeJaeGon instead
Aid: Man the timing has just never worked out for Tobi
NineK: When he was on Fusion with me he used to always joke "damn if I was on Shanghai at least I could've been winning while benched"
Moon: So at the time LeeJaeGon and Tobi were my first choices but LJG told me he didn't want to join because he wanted to go to Mayhem with other Runaway members and then Tobi was looking at Seoul so I almost ended up with no one. But eventually LeeJaeGon chose us and tobi reached out the day after that.
NineK: So you regret not getting Tobi?
Moon: I mean you can't argue this given our results...
Tobi: They did so well
NineK: Tobi would've made the team fun for you though. That season was really bad for us but we had a lot of fun
Topic 8: Seoul vs Shanghai KickOff Clash
Aid: It looked like Seoul was happier beating Shanghai in winners finals than beating Philly in finals
Moon: The thing was the situation was so terrible for us at this time. We were quarantined with nothing.
Tobi: This team was the one we wanted to beat more than anyone else. It's why Profit was crying at the end of it all.
Moon: I will say their strats against us were very good they deserved the win regardless of what circumstances we had
Tobi: This gave me PTSD cause there was a moment when we were reverse swept in May Melee where Bdosin got pulsed with Rally. I told Vindsim no matter what to hold your shield up when he has it and in this one moment in the VOD he got stuck by fleta but thankfully Profit clutched
NineK: I will say when we got to the Hawaii LAN Shock picked you guys at Shanghai and I'll just say I didn't want to pick you.
Aid: Ahh it was the eternal rivals (implying Crusty chose Shanghai for revenge)
Moon: This time was really tough for us and we had a bunch of retirements after this. I think we thought more about what we would get to eat the next day or when we would be able to go to a Koreatown for the food we missed
NineK: It was so long
Moon: Honestly it was the hardest times for us.
NineK: It was really tough for us as well lockdown was so long.
Moon: I honestly don't want to hear lockdown complaints from anyone around me. If we were offline and I told you our horror stories everyone here would cry.
NineK: I mean everyone suffered but this sounds like military stories lol. Like everyone thinks they had it the hardest. Anyways Tobi tell us how you did things that led to that win.
Tobi: So you know there are things a lot of us say behind the scenes about coaches right? Like this guy is more of just a caretaker or this guy is more just strategies but I really wanted to be the coach who wouldn't have players feel bad I was their Coach. It's why I asked for a lot of help from previous coaches I worked under. I wanted all of my least favorite aspects of coaches I've seen in the past to not be things my players go through I let them all speak casually to me so they wouldn't be uncomfortable with me
NineK: Moon has the opposite take. He said his players can never act chummy with him and will always refer to him as coach
Tobi: My feelings were that I had previously worked with a lot of these players in the past so it feels okay
(VOD shows Seoul winning Kick off Clash 4-0 over Philly Fusion
NineK: Oh Carpes expression came out (literally half covered in shadows)
Aid: I didn't want to become a useless coach. Every explayer wants to be the opposite of the coaches they hated
Tobi: When I first won I was so happy to finally get a star under the Seoul Dynasty banner for Gen G.
NineK: I thought at the time though "all that for a stage win?"
Aid: We were like Wow they really are happy for a stage win
Moon: Well it was their first win of course they're happy and they beat us to do it
NineK: As coaches we can tell whether they just got lucky or actually were prepared. Poor Carpe though
Topic 9: Q & A
Aid: If you became a coach again and had to form a team which players would you want?
Moon: Wait but isn't the answer for those year very obvious?
Tobi: Yeah just erase Moons name and put me in
NineK: Then mix and match a bit
Tobi: Smurf Stalk3r Lip Chorong seems very good and then Shu
NineK: That's basically Crazy Raccoons. I'll just say this is cause he doesn't watch it
Tobi: I watched all the big games actuall
Moon: If he was really keeping up with the scene wouldn't he have picked Donghak?
Aid: If Gen G or T1 asked you to coach or team up with Ryujehong again for OWCS?
Tobi: I already got an offer to play with them and said no
Aid: Oh really why?
Tobi: Cause I knew what would happen lol. The kids nowadays level of play is so high
NineK: Just for fun I guess
Tobi: Well yeah if I streamed it and stuff sure but the team even with me or without wouldn't have done well
Moon: Honestly the player gap between the experienced old guard and the new is high right now but you'd hope it would get closer by next year
NineK: More than player gaps I'd rather be worried about the coaching level. It's really just Moon Crusty Rush again. Tobi isn't coaching anymore either... so tobi this is to say coach again please.
Tobi: I did get an offer but the timing didn't work out.
Aid: Always the timing
Tobi: Before Falcons formed I think it could've worked but Smurf was gone and all the teams were formed and then I got the call and was a decent offer. But the timing was bad.
Moon: Where the players weren't available anymore. But just swipe them from their teams
Tobi: But I didn't wanna steal players with offers of contracts
Moon: Why not?
NineK: The difference between a dirty person and clean person
Moon: But the thing is they don't have contracts
NineK: Yeah wait they definitely would want money
Moon: That's my point he could've offered stability to more players in the scene
NineK: Then you are at fault Tobi
Tobi: There was a condition though. The org really wanted to win and asked if I could form a team to win.
Moon: Oh that would be hard (smiling in Crazy Raccoons)
NineK & Aid: (dies of laughter at the humble brag)
Moon: I did work really hard to swipe the good players.
NineK: Was it a foreign org?
Tobi: Yeah it was
Moon: I wish more teams came into the space
NineK: If tobi even at least coached Genesis they would've been better
Tobi: I did get that offer but said no
NineK: Didn't want to work for bottom feeder teams?
Tobi: Well I wasn't close with any of the players either
NineK: You shouldve just gone to orga offering up super teams and swiped like Moon did.
Moon: I just had a skeleton crew formed and did mine
NineK: Whatever it was it's just kind of sad Tobi isn't coaching actively right now is all
NineK: I like this question. If Coach Tobi could speak to player Tobi of the past what would you say to them?
Tobi: Probably to be sure of yourself and confident in your play and your decision. I used to basically fly to whoever screamed for help no matter who was in a bad position trying to help. I definitely learned afterwards and worked really hard to improve my Mercy
NineK: I remember at that time Yobi worked really hard to improve his Mercy and it was really good I agree. It's sad to hear given how things went for Seoul but it is a cool answer
Aid: ProFits from friend POV to players POV
Tobi: Profit whether as a friend or player was a great and reliable friend. Fits was the hassle
Aid: How so?
Tobi: Never listening always whining just a big baby. Cute little brother while Profit was a reliable friend
(Just chatting while looking for interesting questions)
Moon: I'm saying this now but Shanghai starting at 0-40 we worked so hard to hit that 40-40 and it took so long. We won so much and still took a while
NineK: A fun thing to ask whenever we have an ex-player is have they ever felt like watching a scrim they would do better?
Tobi: I have scrimmed actually. Vindaim was ill and in the hospital so I played. We won.
Ninek: You say yes to this question if you win the scrims if you lost you would say it didn't happen
Tobi: True
Tobi: Here's one about Seoul I like. Why did you when you had LeeSooMin and Krillin make Krillin a main support? The answer is Krillin said during Washington he got to try a bunch of heroes and LeeSooMin was pretty decent at Kirik at the time. I had worked one year with Vindaim and it was good for us so I hoped for the same to happen. The initial meta was good for us too until we hit the Sombra meta
NineK: I think the only ones happy to hit the Sombra meta was Atlanta
Moon: (struggling to find a good question when smurf comments in chat) Yo Smurf don't you need to go practice right now?
Moon: Sorry that was a joke
NineK: Oh I like that one
Tobi: So there's a question about our 2023 roster and I wanted to talk about it. Right after 2022 going into 2023 was to keep Smurf Profit then get Lip who was receiving some offers at the time keep Vindaim and get Twilight. This would've been my personal choice if I had the money to form my team but everyone ran out of money. I even had back ups for everyone but like Bernar planned but everything fell through
Moon: Do you regret picking up Void?
Tobi: No I don't
NineK: What about losing to former players of yours and stuff?
Moon: Want me to call Void and ask him what it felt like losing to the Fleta Tank?
NineK: Oh my god that sounds so good
Tobi: I think he's working right now
Moon: Oh that's right he would be working right now
NineK: Man I'm so curious. I hate losing to my former players
NineK: Wanted to know if back in OW1 you had a team fully built around you who would it be and would you win?
Tobi: Honestly looking at my history I'm kind of bad at forming teams lol. Honestly I could've been on NYXL in season 1 as well.
NineK: Wow.
Moon: I can say one thing. I've literally walked to his house before. He thought a lot about it. Like I didn't think it should be this hard a decision when I was so convincing.
Tobi: I just really wanted to run it back with Jehong one last time and Fearless wasn't in the planned roster at the time either.
Moon: True it was very early on in the team formation
Tobi: Yeah it's regrettable isn't it?
NineK: Tobi does make bad choices that's why he joined Fusion under me
Tobi: Timing worked for that time period though
NineK: Alright back to the question make your super team only caveat is you can't change them and have to run them seasons 1 through 6
Tobi: To be happily teamed with them Carpe Profit Gesture Fury...
NineK: Wait a second Ryujehong isn't being brought up
Tobi: We are excluding him from this but honestly there's way too many good flex supports so I don't know. Shu was really good but Viol2t is also nah just Shu.
NineK: Shu is fun and good.
Tobi: He's good at like everything. Even since season 2 when I'd play Mercy he would shoot me so much more than everyone else as Ana
NineK: When you went game 5 against MightyAOD any players that stood out to you?
Tobi: Did we go game 5 against MightyAOD? I genuinely can't remember the Lunatic Hai games that well outside of just like finals games anymore. I'm sorry but it's been years.
Moon: Ooh how did you feel about Prophet being on your team and then once he was dropped and went to 02Blast losing to him?
Tobi: He was good but the thing is whatever we put him on just didn't fit with how the team played and the Sombra meta was at its peak as well. We were tired and he was tired cause it just wasn't the best fit for either of us. I wanted him to keep doing well so I could be confident it was just a mismatch and that my scouting ability was still good. But then the meta swapped to like Widow Hanzo.
Moon: Oh wait so once again it's a choice Tobi made he regrets...
Tobi: Well no technically in the last game versus them we did win to be fair. Honestly though when he did win damn I felt low key a little bit upset/betrayed
NineK: Did you see him do the X on the Dynasty symbol spray?
Tobi: I didn't mind that all the players do that
NineK: Hears something funny for Moon to answer. " I heard Lip purposefully made sure not to wear the Fusion skins for Asia Finals is it true"
Moon: I specifically checked his PC to make sure he wasn't wearing it "Are you wearing a Fusion skin or not? Yes or no."
NineK: Wow you check their PCs?
Moon: Yeah I made sure none of them wore Fusion skins for Asia Finals
Tobi: Carpe might need to come on here at this point
Moon: I don't believe in jinxes like this but my players do so I did it just so they don't have to think for a second there is some Fusion curse that will make them lose
Tobi: Like you don't want unnecessary factors creeping into their minds
Moon: Exactly
NineK: Did you have any of those jinxes or lucky charms as a player?
Tobi: During Lunatic Hai I would on game days only eat noodle dishes and then we would win. I'd wear the same pair of socks for all the big games as well. But then I went to the League and kept losing and none of that stuff applied anymore
Moon: Yeah I don't believe in it as a supernatural force but whatever makes people more confident the better
(Randomly scrolling for questions)
Moon: I really did wanna try coaching Dynasty once.
Tobi: Why?
Moon: You know as a Korean it was kind of sad seeing the Korean team under perform I wanted to go there after my contract with Shanghai ended and try to get them a big win
Tobi: I see
Moon: Now that I'm thinking about it I never got an offer from Seoul ever
NineK: Really? I think I got an offer from Seoul basically every year since 2019
Moon: Oh one thing I really wanted to ask was how you beat the Infernal (Dynasty vs Infernal early 2023 when Infernal scrimbux was way better than everyone else)
Tobi: Oh that? They just played poorly.
Moon: I was so curious cause they were supposed to be so good
Tobi: Yeah they must have been nervous or something we didn't win cause we were better they were just worse that day.
NineK: When Tobi first joined Fusion he actually beat Dynasty and was so happy about it. He was such a good player to have he was on the bench for quite a while initially but kept his mental up and was a very good teammate for us.
Final Words
Tobi: I'm not actually retired from coaching. I still keep up with the League and love the game. I hope Overwatch keeps growing and I want everyone to know I'm not gone just yet. If there's a chance I'm ready whenever
NineK: Honestly I will say a lot of Overwatch kids have this issue not just Tobi where they hope opportunity will fall on their laps.
Tobi: I'll agree. It was my first time doing this stuff and I had no idea what the scene was going to be like.
Moon: I was very proactive and quick about it for sure
NineK: Do you have any team you'd like to join? Quickly before we end the podcast appeal to Moon for a job
Tobi: Well if you just give me the call I'm ready
Moon: Well one thing I will note when Tobi was talking about coaches he asked for advice on being a coach he didn't contact me at all? Even though we talked for hours?
Tobi: I only contacted the people I actually worked under. I didn't want to bother everyone with my questions. It's not like I could expect other coaches that don't know me as well would divulge their secrets
Moon: I would've. I think it would have been very cool if you asked for my help
Tobi: Well to be fair before you joined I did say Crusty NineK Moon and Rush were the coaches I really wanted to try working with
NineK: It's not too late Tobi he's here now
Aid: Anyways final thoughts from you Tobi?
Tobi: It's been a while since I got to see fans of Overwatch and sit down with fellow coaches. I hope you all keep supporting Overwatch University and myself in the future.
NineK and Aid: Thank you to Moon as well for helping us last minute.
Moon: It's no problem I saw Tobis face and wanted to join right away.

I am 22 M asian, first generation student attending a community college planning to transfer. My relationship with my mom has been horrible. I have been mentally abused by her for years and I will never able to change her mind. I did not take proper prep classes back in high school so when I started going to college I had to learn things from the beginning and had to learn how to study and taking advantage of resources. Bare in mind both of my parents has only been to middle school. I had absolutely no help, other than getting yelled at and looked down upon.
She would threaten to kill herself in a car crash if i did not transfer to a good uni or pass classes because "I wasn't doing it fast enough like the others" or "this guy who got accepted to berkley and has better grades than you" and the guy she's comparing me to, used to be my childhood friend who used us to get into the usa, lived here, we gave him food, drove him to college, and he never said thank you or showed appreciation and just dipped and only calls me if he needs something, but i have already deleted him from everywhere and he doesnt live here anymore. He is the worst friend I have ever had, he never want to learn to play any games, he just wants to cheat when he gets owned, and bro thinks i actually agree with him on this one. I fucking hate cheaters. He and his friend group back in his country would all cheat.
I have failed classes before and she would make me not able to sleep by talking down on me until 5AM when it's finals week and I am already stressed by her and myself. and trust me when i say i am barely going into the details of what she has said to me. Just imagine every single thing you should never tell your child and up that by 50x.
I have focused my entire 4 years tried my best to get an AS degree computer science and I did, with 3.37 ish gpa, horrible in her eyes of course. I took so much classes because she wanted me to "hurry up" so i would suffer grades with the amount of classes I had to take, and extra classes because she needs me to go to a good uni to transfer, so i have to meet a bunch of uc's different requirements and hell, computer science transfers these days have upped their requirements by a whole lot, equaling more classes that i technically dont need to increase my chances to get into more ucs, which also fucked up my grades.
I was so happy to even pass thru calculus 1-3 with Bs with no previous calculus courses in high school or even pre calc. I jumped straight to hard courses that I never knew how to prepare for, but still passed because i tried so hard and she doesnt even understand what i went through.
This will be a turn of events, because after I get to transfer, i decided to change my major to MIS, because it was a better fit for my goals and situation since the requirements for UC is higher than what I got. I am going to a CSU and not an UC and because of that and the asian culture about how important their face and ego is for their child, i am a disgrace.
I lowkey just want some reinsurance of random internet bros here that I am going to be successful, i am and will be more successful than the guy my mom who is comparing to, who studies math at berkley. Although you guys dont know much about my career, i am going into the AI industry, such as AI engineers and stuff. I have already got an internship lined up (for the first time) this summer for AI programmer for a local place! but they do not offer a permanent job after it.
Anyways, I wanted to post it here because I have been watching healthygamer since forever, i am fairly introverted and i really wanted a girlfriend right? suprise surprise, and there i am, during these years I see everybody into relationships and all and I have trouble even opening my mic in a video game. That was 4 years ago, no friends no love life. I hated myself and with the adcamic pressure i keep fighting with daily made me even more fucked up.
So actually the videos have helped me, i think it was like him saying u gotta start at level 1, make friends and level up your social skills! So i did, it was hard but i did, i meet a great female friend who was willing to help me practice talking online, i did not care about dating, because i was happy to even have a friend, fast foward 3 years, we're still great online friends, nothing romantic, purely plantonic because she herself is honestly super emotionally smart, and we were able to put a barrier right off the bat, she even taught me how to be a good bf if i ever do find someone, she has taught me so much it's crazy. We're so open and clear with everything we do and talk about. So why am i saying all of these? because over the course of 2 years, i have dated 2 girls but it was all online so it didnt workout. But well, experience is experience . Fast foward to now, i have met a girl i like irl, and she likes me back too, and shes cute and i love her features (shes not asian) and fast foward a bit more, i invited her to my place and watched some shows and a sleepover, i was happy as fuck, like i went from the old me to this? is this a dream? and when i drove her back , my mom knocked on my door and she fucking said "shes ugly, just be friends only" in the most grossed tone ever and she keeps it going for 45 mins and telling me the most racist fucked up close minded mindset i have ever heard. WHILE IM IN MY FINALS WEEK TRYING TO STUDY AND DO HOMEWORK SO I CAN GET GOOD GRADES AND SHE IS FUCKING MY MOOD during the most important times, every single time. and when i said i disagree, she talks back, and some how she brought up the berkley guy again and tries to hurt my feelings
i also work part time and got out of my comfort zone because of my friend, so i dont rot of doing nothing, and it helped my social skills even more.
There is so much i havent mentioned about my mom, but just know it gets worst.
TLDR: depressed, skinny fat, no relationship, no dating, introverted lonely asian kid with academic pressure while the mentally ill asian mom makes it worst. Can't move out, too expensive, financial dependent on mom, and toxic comparisons. TO, leveled up social skills, toned up physical appearance from working out, seeing someone romantically, a clearer career path, but mentally ill mom still exists, and ruins everything.

So for reference I came out as Gay beginning of this year finally and was expecting the worst however everybody respected me and moved on they really did not care and knew it didn't change me as a person.
Anyway I work with my friend and we make the same journey to work on public transport and used to hang out outside of work here and there I'd say I've gotten to know him pretty well as a person and when I did come out he didn't seem to have any issues and was totally chill with it.
Because none of us drive we ask our colleague to drop us off at home and to be fair he does every single time however he has had to take a month break off of work and obviously couldn't take us home so we've been working out our own ways home sometimes my mum can take us sometimes my cousin but sometimes we've had to walk home which is a hour and a half walk away.
There have been a 2 or 3 times where he has text me saying that his mum can come for him but she won't be able to come for me as he's watching his brother play football I took this at face value and said fair enough so I did have to walk a couple times as I couldn't get a lift on those days.
So today I got in the car home with my cousin and he said to me that he will take me bit he doesn't want to take my friend I was like fair enough then he said because he's left you to walk on your own when his mum could take him home I asked him to explain and he said that a colleague has told him that my " friend said to him he wants nothing to do with me he doesn't see me as a mate because I am gay"
My cousin did say however that the colleague that said this does sometimes like to cause problems with people however on this occasion I don't think he is lying because why would he tell my cousin and not me to cause problems.
I go into work tomorrow and I have to get the bus with "my friend" do I ignore him, pretend it never happened or confront him baring in mind that I do work with him but not very closely.

I've recently completed my third year of computer engineering at UofT, and I wanted to share my thoughts on the courses I've taken. I hope this will be beneficial to incoming first, second, and third-year engineering students. My area of depth is 6 (Software) and my areas of breadth are 4 (Control) and 5 (Computer hardware/networks).
Difficulty: How hard it was to comprehend course material and/or complete practice problems accurately. Keep in mind that difficulty is subjective but I tried to eliminate personal bias and be as objective as possible.
Workload: The amount of work to complete outside of lectures (labs, assignments, homework, studying for tests/exams).
All engineers take the exact same courses in their first year first semester and similar ones in second semester. I took these courses in 2021 during covid so some information might be outdated.
First Year Semester 1:
APS100 Orientation to Engineering:
Difficulty: 1/10 Workload: 3/10 Course Average: N/A
There is no technical material in this course. All coursework consists of Ethics analysis, creating a schedule for time management, creating your resume, and discussion board participation. During tutorials, the TA typically asks behavioral questions to the class and covers slides pertaining to engineering principles, the learning environment, test readiness, and related topics.
APS110 Engineering Chemistry and Materials Science
Difficulty: 6/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: B
This course blends elements of chemistry, physics, and mathematics, requiring lots of formulas and memorization. The assignments and online quizzes were moderately difficult. Not sure if he’s still teaching but Scott Ramsay was a really good professor. Really enjoyed watching his video demonstrations.
APS111 Engineering Strategies and Practices I
Difficulty: 3/10 Workload: 6/10 (Variable) Course Average: B
Students are organized into groups of 5-6 and are assigned the task of developing a solution for a client, following the engineering design process. Success in this course heavily relies on your team. Throughout the semester, there are several milestones where you need to submit large reports with your team, making it crucial to have capable teammates. Many teams resorted to last-minute cramming the night before each milestone (not a good idea). Additionally, there are two peer reviews, so make sure you contribute to avoid being perceived as an unproductive member. In most cases, you don’t need to worry about this though. You’d likely all be good friends by that point (and give each other a perfect review).
CIV100 Mechanics
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload: 9/10 Course Average: C+
The consensus among most students in my year was that this was the toughest first year course. It's incredibly calculation heavy, with questions that may appear straightforward in theory but require multiple steps to solve. Even a minor error can screw up your entire calculation process. The assignments are extremely time-consuming, and the quizzes pose significant challenges. I suggest you work in a group for the assignments. Furthermore, both the final exam and midterm were exceptionally difficult.
MAT186 Calculus I
Difficulty: 4/10 Workload: 4/10 Course Average: B
If you’ve taken IB or AP this course will be a breeze. Even without that background, it's still relatively straightforward. Very little on integrals, mostly derivatives, rates of change, and graphs. PCEs and WebWorks were trivial, and the midterm and exam were easy.
MAT188 Linear Algebra
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: B-
The majority of the course revolves around relatively straightforward operations on matrices and vectors. However, it does introduce abstract concepts like higher-order dimensions, which may require some deeper thinking to fully grasp. Webwork assignments were slightly more challenging compared to MAT186's, and completing assignments took a while. Once again, you should work with a partner or as a group. Pay attention in the MATLAB practicals because you’ll be using MATLAB pretty often in future courses.
First Year Semester 2:
APS105 Computer Fundamentals
Difficulty: 6/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: B-
If you’ve taken programming in high school, you will likely find this course very easy (2/10 difficulty). The course covers simple programming syntax, along with basic sorting algorithms, without delving into more advanced concepts beyond linked lists and binary trees. I think that this was one of the more enjoyable courses of first year.
APS112 Engineering Strategies and Practices II
Difficulty: 5/10 Workload: 7/10 (Variable) Course Average: B+
This course is essentially a continuation of APS111, but with the added component of being assigned an actual client with a real-world problem statement. Each group works with a unique client, and at the end of the term, you present your final report directly to them, along with your supervisors. As with APS111, the quality of your team plays a crucial role in your success. Another thing to note is that unlike APS111, there were multiple individual assignments to complete on top of your team reports.
ECE110 Electrical Fundamentals
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 6/10 Course Average: C+
Definitely one of the harder first year courses. This course marks your introduction to circuits. Topics covered include capacitors, Ampere's law, Ohm's law, Kirchhoff's laws, AC/DC circuits, magnetism, Thevenin and Norton equivalents, and more. The material is extensive and requires thorough understanding, as many future courses will build upon its concepts. Make sure that you understand the content well, given its foundational importance in subsequent courses.
ECE191 Introduction to Electrical and Computer Engineering
Difficulty: 0/10 Workload: 1/10 Course Average: N/A
Seminar course. You just need to show up to the lectures (one per week) and submit a 100-ish word report about what you learned.
MAT187 Calculus II
Difficulty: 6/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: C+
The workload in this course is comparable to Calc I, but the content is more challenging (obviously). It delves deeper into integrals and introduces concepts like ordinary differential equations and polar coordinates. But again, you’ll manage just fine if you did decently in Calc 1, and especially if you’ve taken AP math or IB HL math.
MIE100 Dynamics
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload 4/10 Course Average: C+
I personally found this to be the most challenging course in first year, but it seems that most people disagree with me. It shares similarities with CIV100, but you’re instead dealing with dynamic systems (moving) rather than static ones (not moving). Some concepts may prove difficult to grasp initially. However, if you focus on memorizing the relevant formulas and understanding when to apply them, you should be okay. Expect an emphasis on physics in this course.
Second year was the worst (for ECE) and a very big step up from first year. If you struggled in first year, you better lock in for second year.
Second Year Semester 1:
ECE201 ECE Seminar Course
Difficulty: 0/10 Workload: 0/10 Course Average: N/A
Another seminar course, except you just need to attend 7/10 lectures to pass. Most students just scan their Tcard at the entrance then leave right after. The lectures are pretty useless except the Magellan one where they show you how to choose courses for 3rd and 4th year.
ECE212 Circuit Analysis
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 8/10 Course Average: B+
This course provides a deeper exploration of circuits, extending beyond circuit solving to include frequency and sinusoidal analysis. Questions tend to be long so careless errors will cost you. Personally, I found the labs challenging, particularly because they required working with oscilloscopes at a higher level than I was used to, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to use that thing.
ECE241 Digital Systems
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 8/10 Course Average: B-
This hardware course focuses on the foundation of hardware. A lot of the content is at the fundamental level so it’s not too hard to comprehend. However, the main challenge lies in learning Verilog, a hardware description language. I hate Verilog. All the labs are done using Verilog, and frustratingly, the course provides no instruction on the language, nor are there many helpful resources available online. This lack of guidance made what should have been straightforward labs much more difficult. Thankfully if you are in CE, you’ll never need to take another course with Verilog again. The midterm was easy but the final was borderline impossible.
ECE244 Programming Fundamentals
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: B-
This course is the sequel to APS105, delving into more advanced concepts like pointers, constructors, polymorphism, and inheritance. Many of these topics may feel familiar if you have prior programming experience, particularly from high school. Consequently, if you're already proficient in programming, as many computer engineering students are, you should be able to navigate through this course well. The labs were generally manageable, although a couple of them were time-consuming.
MAT290 Advanced Engineering Mathematics
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload 8/10 Course Average: B
In this course, you’ll learn a lot of miscellaneous mathematical concepts that will be relevant in future courses. The goal is to establish a strong foundation to facilitate understanding in third and fourth-year courses. There is also a quiz every week. They were terrible from a time management standpoint, but as long as you spent 3-4 hours per week completing the assigned textbook questions, you should be alright since one (out of two) of the questions on the quiz is guaranteed to be an assigned textbook question (at least, that was the case when I took the course).
MAT291 Calculus III
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload 9/10 Course Average: B-
The entire workload comes from studying for those damn weekly quizzes, much like MAT290. Personally, I found it to be one of the most difficult courses I've ever taken. Think of calculus 2, but now everything is in three dimensions, encompassing concepts like surface integrals, flux integrals, and more. Additionally, the course introduces abstract topics that I still struggle to grasp. Balancing the demands of this course alongside everything else was an incredibly stressful experience.
Second Year Semester 2:
ECE216 Signals and Systems
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload:7/10 Course Average: C+
I think everyone hated this course. It was so poorly taught and the midterms felt haphazard and unpredictable. I relied on the power of BS to pass (worked surprisingly). Other than working with many graphs and MATLAB, I don’t remember much about this course because it was so uninteresting.
ECE221 Electric and Magnetic Fields
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: C+
This course serves as an introduction to fields, while also expanding on the principles covered in ECE110. Many concepts build upon intuitive ideas, such as the repulsion of identical charges and attraction of opposite charges, which can make seemingly complex topics less intimidating. There are also many procedures that you need to know to solve specific types of questions. The labs are generally straightforward. You just need to follow the steps on the lab worksheet and answer a few simple questions from the TA.
ECE231 Intro to Electronics
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: C+
This course is basically circuit analysis but significantly harder. It combines everything you've learned about circuits thus far, introducing new topics on top of that foundation. There are so many new concepts to learn and the final pretty much tests you on all of them. I’ve encountered multiple scenarios where I saw two concepts that I thought were completely separate from each other being integrated into a single question on an exam. Also very calculation heavy. Despite my experience in this course, I must admit Khoman Fang was a great professor.
ECE243 Computer Organization
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 6/10 Course Average: B
This course is a direct continuation of ECE241, and surprisingly, I found it a lot more enjoyable than its prerequisite. The focus is on Assembly language programming, which I found to be way more understandable compared to Verilog. Assembly operates at a fundamental level, so you’re technically working with the most basic building blocks in programming. The labs often involved seemingly simple tasks like counting to 10 on a HEX display, but the nature of Assembly meant that achieving this could require hundreds of lines of code. I appreciated these labs as they provided a refreshing change from the usual programming tasks. Final and midterm exams were relatively easy.
ECE297 Software communication and design
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 9/10 (Variable) Course Average: B+
Despite the demanding workload, this course was one of my favorites. The main project involved collaborating in teams of three to develop a geographical information system (similar to Google Maps). Unlike other courses where teams are assigned, here you have the freedom to choose your own teammates. Starting off, your team is given only the OpenStreetMap database, and the APIs, granting you complete control over your project's design, functionality, and optimization. Performance enhancement and pathfinding algorithms were key components of the project. It's crucial for all team members to contribute effectively for success in this course; And trust me, this is not a one or two person project. To succeed in this course, all three members must be doing their share.
Third Year:
They say that third year is the easiest year for ECE, but that depends on what courses you choose. For me, it was only slightly easier than second year but still significantly harder than first year.
APS360 Fundamentals of Deep Learning
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload : 8/10 Course Average: B+
This course felt fundamentally very different compared to the other programming related courses. If you’re unfamiliar with deep learning, the content can be overwhelming but the inner workings behind AI are both fascinating and challenging to grasp. Fortunately, much of the coding in the course revolves around preparing data, setting up AI architectures, and training/testing models, rather than building an AI from scratch. While the labs are manageable, the final project can be very time consuming, particularly as training a single model can require hours or even days. Regarding this aspect, make sure you start early. Both the midterm and final exams were quite difficult.
ECE302 Probability and Applications
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 3/10 Course Average: B-
The first half of this course is very straightforward. Just an introduction to probability. The second half is where the difficulty quickly ramps up. Make sure you don’t underestimate the second half of the course. I made the mistake of assuming the material was easy after performing well on both midterms (midterms were very easy), leading me to neglect the final third of the course so I flunked the final. FYI, our marks were determined solely by the 2 midterms and the final.
ECE344 Operating Systems
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 10/10 Course Average: B
This course had the most difficult and demanding labs I’ve ever seen in my life. They are due every two weeks and some of them took most students more than 15 hours to complete. I’ve seen people staying up all night in the GB computer rooms to finish these labs. One positive aspect of the course if Jon Eyolfson is your professor, is that all lectures are both recorded and live-streamed, allowing attendance in person, online synchronously, or asynchronously. But if you have Ding Yuan, good luck. I heard he is not only bad at teaching, but also makes you program an operating system from scratch. The course content is quite interesting and the Midterm and final exams were fair.
ECE345 Algorithms and Data Structures
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: B+
If you're one of those programming geniuses who have been doing Leetcode since like 3 years old, you’d have likely already learned all course content before you’ve even started the course. You could probably write midterm and final exams without attending any lectures. However, if you're not as experienced, attending every lecture, taking detailed notes, and staying focused is crucial. Personally speaking, some algorithms were incredibly difficult for me to grasp, while others were simple. Assignments typically include both coding and long-answer components, which can be time-consuming, but you can work with a partner.
TEP444 Positive Psychology for Engineers
Difficulty: 1/10 Workload: 3/10 Course Average: A-
This course overall was very enjoyable and a nice refreshing experience from the other technical courses. You go on excursions to various locations with your group and write reports. It's an excellent opportunity to expand your social circle and make new friends. If you aim for an A- grade (80-85), you can breeze through with minimal effort. However, achieving a higher grade (A or A+) would require significantly more work (like 5 times more, no joke), which is not worth the extra effort in my opinion.
CSC343 Introduction to Databases
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 10/10 Course Average: Unreleased
The content of this course is actually pretty interesting and is taught well. But the assignments were excessively time consuming. There are only three in total, but each one demanded such a significant investment of time to the point where I contemplated dropping the course altogether. You do work with a partner (going solo isn’t even an option if you want to complete the assignments) but even so, be prepared to invest 15-30 hours per person, per assignment (they also mark hard). Despite the workload, I do recommend taking this course because knowing SQL can substantially benefit you in the future. Just start the assignments early. On a positive note, the midterm and final were relatively straightforward.
ECE311 Introduction to Control Systems
Difficulty: 10/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: C+
This course didn't come with a heavy workload, consisting only of three labs and two midterms. However, I found the content to be very challenging. It felt like they condensed and combined every concept from every engineering math and physics course into one. Topics ranged from circuits and dynamics to Laplace transforms, matrices, Bode plots, and more. It didn’t help that Prof Scardovi didn’t record any lectures, has messy handwriting, and uses a damn chalkboard instead of modern technology like other profs do. The midterms and final were somewhat lenient compared to the lectures, but this course still ended up being my lowest mark.
ECE361 Computer networks I
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 9/10 Course Average: B
This course requires a lot of memorization compared to other courses. You’ll have to understand calculation processes but also memorize a lot of general knowledge about networks. A problem with this course is that some concepts that show up in tests are not adequately explained in lectures. By far the best way to study is to do past exams. Professor Valaee often recycles questions, sometimes even directly copying past midterms and finals (like he did in my cohort). Unlike other courses, there is no big assignment/lab for this course, but it makes up for it with quantity. There’s a quiz every week, a wireshark lab every 2 weeks, a programming lab every 2 weeks, and a midterm. The programming labs are already difficult by themselves, but this cumulative workload felt very overwhelming.
ECE472 Engineering Economics and Entrepreneurship
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: B+
This is straight up an economics course, no engineering at all. You’ll learn about investments, equity, financing, and related areas. There are 4 quizzes throughout the semester, with quiz 3 (quiz 3 specifically) being by far the hardest (average in the 50s). Since you're able to bring your textbook to the quizzes and exam, my biggest tip is to write past quiz and exam solutions in your textbook, as there's a limited pool of questions, and new questions often resemble some kind of variation of past ones.
ECE421 Introduction to Machine Learning
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: unreleased
While the course content itself may be challenging, surprisingly, the midterm and final exams were pretty easy. There's a slight discorrelation between the lecture material and what appears on the exams, but relying on past exams for preparation should be enough. The course leans heavily on mathematical concepts, much more so than APS360. The assignments were difficult and tedious but I recommend you work with others to complete it.
With that, I've covered my thoughts and tips for all the engineering courses I've completed. Transitioning into your next year in engineering, particularly if you’re transitioning from high school, can feel daunting. However, remember that you're not alone in this experience – many of your peers are facing similar challenges. If you need any more advice or have questions, feel free to reach out to me via DMs!

I have an amateur background in game design, concept artist, study game design, work in education, and honestly obsessed with game design as a whole. Heros, cards, mechanics, systems etc, etc, I’m very passionate about it and I don’t want to sound pompous cause i am aware to how the “oh I KNOW about game design” sounds, but I am serious about it so I don’t want this to sound like it comes from ignorance.
Here’s the list of changes, tell me what stands out, ideas, etc..
General- ultimate Charge rates need to be increased significantly, cooldowns should not carry over between rounds. Healing across the board needs to be reduced slightly which I will go into in each character suggestion for Strategist. (If not mentioned the healing stays the same)
Give players more information- damage numbers, stats, healing numbers, ability explanations, Etc..
Teamups need to be reworked or removed from the game all together. They should be flavorful add ons, not so important that they make or break a charcater like magneto and scarlet witch or almost useless like Magik and black panther, or massively oppressive like punisher and rocket.
Seasonal buffs need to be removed. They are not enjoyed in any game they have ever been in, and creates artificial metas. Also defeats the purpose of the playing your favorite characters, because it pushes you to play other characters if the seasonal buffs are made too strong.
Melee damage characters need to have movement speed increased above normal speeds to help chase and not get backpedaled by other characters. Black panther, spiderman, hulk, etc.
More signs you are taking damage, either visual effects, screen effects, sounds, etc. sometimes it’s hard to tell where or who is damaging you and makes the game feel floaty.
Possible suggestion- add “power” health- a new type of health that can replace a portion of characters like vanguards health bars, that reduce instances of damage by a percentage. Rapid damage instances will be reduced more than single shots.
Example: A fast hitting attack that does 10 damage multiple times will be reduced more than an instance of damage that does 70 damage 1 time.
Similar to armor in other games. Example- hulk health: 400HP+200 power= 600 total on health bar.
Add a universal HP regen when out of combat for a certain time period.
Add a role lock or Queue system, at least in competitive play. Unbalanced teams are un-fun to play against and un-fun to play with.
Hulk- put his leap on a cooldown, dealing damage when he lands. Remove the targeter and make it a leap in the direction he is looking with a set distance about the maximum length of the current jump if not a little less. Also let him aim it down to target people next to him.
Start the game and respawn as the hulk instead of Banner. Makes getting out of spawn after dying take way too long to return to the fight and serves no real purpose compared to other vanguard.
Remove the radioactive lockdown ability, and replace it with something new. Doesn’t feel like a “hulk” ability.
Ability concept Suggestion: a stomp that leaves a jagged rock wall going forward and up in a line that knocks up enemies and damages them. Leaving the wall in place as an obstacle that can be destroyed or that last a short duration before breaking.
Vanguards are all about controlling the area; and right now hulk just doesn’t do that, he feels like a giant duelist who’s doesn’t do any damage.
Gamma burst- reduce damage, now pierces enemies.
Increase melee damage slightly.
Overall the hulk doesn’t feel powerful like the hulk should, I feel like these changes can fix that problem.
Magento- Replace his primary fire with the greatsword from his team up. Reduce the damage, cleave width and range.
Metal bulwark- can now place it on himself as well as Allies.
Metallic curtain- blocking damage adds to megnetos metal rings.
New passive- hold jump button to float into the air, doing so slowly consumes metal rings. Can no longer slowly descend.
Team up (if they are kept in the game)- scarlet witch makes metal malwark deal damage in the area around it when destroyed or when it ends.
Peni Parker- Make being pulled to her web a cooldown that can be activated, instead of being a certain distance away. Current form of set distance feels very clunky, and awkward to use in regular gameplay.
Reduce the amount of mines placeable, and damage of arachno-mines. Limit amount of mines to either 5 or 6. I stopped counting when I had 14 mines on the ground at the same time.
Make arachno-mines able to be destroyed by shooting them. Mines inside the webs are now invisible.
Mines from the ultimate are not limited in amount.
Doctor strange- Reduce damage on primary fire.
Groot- Reduce the amount of walls that can be placed. 1 for each wall type at a time. Cooldown of each wall starts when walls are retrieved or destroyed.
Walls now also have a duration.
I know the initial idea of him building ramps and connecting walls was cool, but in practice it just provides too much ability spam potential instead of building like intended, and that many obstacles in the game at one time that can be used rapidly makes some matches purely unplayable.
Reduce damage of primary fire to be more similar to hulk. ( no reason Groot should have more damage at a longer range)
Ironwood wall health reduced to 600 from 900.
Reduce damage Groot Ultimate does significantly, almost to nothing. Around 50 damage on initial hit and ticks of 5 damage for its duration.
Storm- Make movement similar to magneto, where she floats on the ground. And an activated flight can be turned on and off with an ability key-bind with a 1.5 second cooldown between activations, but consumes no resource, just a different movement type.
Increase base movement speed in the air while flying.
Enemies hit by the Lightning strikes on goddess boost, receive a chain lightning debuff. When they are hit by bolt rush, a chain lightning bolt will arc to nearby enemies who also have the new debuff. But for reduced damage of the initial bolt rush.
Black panther- Reduce cooldown on sprint rend to 8 seconds from 12 seconds.
Increase amount of spears to 3.
Remove spinning kick and replace with a new ability to help him initiate attacks and stay alive.
Suggestion: vibranium shielding-black panther crosses his arms and reduces his movement speed slightly. Creating a small shield that only covers his own body that floats in front of him. This blocks damage all frontal damage and last 2 seconds. Does not block melee damage.
This ability would have a 8 second cooldown.
If spinning kick is not removed, make it aim-able in any direction similar to sprint rend.
Sprint tend cooldown is refunded if a KO is achieved with it, no matter if a vibranium mark was applied.
Bast’s decent resets sprint rend cooldown when it is used.
Increase primary fire melee damage and range to be more inline with other melee characters. Reduce attack speed.
Make subtle step a passive like spider-man or Peni Parker. Feels too clunky to be on a cooldown and doesn’t make sense.
Iron man- Make movement the same as storm new movement I suggested above. Always flying feels like a detriment to the player and does not feel good to play.
Increase direct hit damage of his primary fire.
Keep direct damage as it is now in armor overdrive.
Increase damage of micro missle barrage and make it usable in Ironman’s regular mode, not just flying or overdrive.
Scarlet Witch- Reduce sensitivity of chaos control lock on. Slightly Increase the rate of chaos energy gained.
Mystic projection charges reduced to 1 and now is a single use ability cooldown reduced to 7 seconds from 8 seconds.
Starlord- Primary fire Damage fall off increased (should do less damage at longer ranges)
Primary fire spread increased slightly.
Suggestion: replace blaster barrage with a new ability. This ability is essentially a “I win” button, which feels really bad to play against this strong of an ability that isn’t even an ultimate.
Suggestion: an element gun element switch that have different effects for a few seconds when switched (not constant) fire, ice, shock, etc.. which activate after hitting a certain amount of shots on a enemy.
Effects would be up to devs.
If not removed than the damage should be reduced.
Punisher- Primary fire Damage fall off increased (does less damage at longer range)
Primary fire Spread increases the longer the trigger is held down, starting when the magazine reaches 20 rounds and ramps up on continuous trigger hold.
Stopping the trigger pull will reset the spread.
Shotgun damage reduced significantly, headshot multiplier reduced, damage fall off increased, spread of pellets increased.
Ultimate should have wider spread, doesn’t make sense he can laser beam people across the map. Also increased damage fall off.
Turret health reduced to 400.
Hela- Primary fire Damage fall off increased.
Primary fire damage decreased
Ultimate damage decreased, ultimate duration decreased (maximum 4 Nastrond crows can be fired.)
Blast radius of Ultimate decreased, makes the player be more accurate to get KOs with it.
Magik- no longer gains bonus health on primary fire melee attack or quick melee attack but these melee attacks heal Magik if she is below full health for the same amount of bonus health previously gained: 13 HP.
Bonus health received for dealing ability damage is increased slightly.
Primary fire melee attack speed increased slightly.
Spider-Man- No changes needed that I can currently tell. These other changes should make the character more reliable when playing.
Namor- Character needs to be reworked from the ground up. Does not feel like I’m playing Namor or feel like a comic book character. Decent viability, but boring design.
If the same playstyle is kept, give him different turret types, (fast firing fish, water barrier turtle, slower fire rate octopus that gets an incsreaed attack from wrath of the seven seas) allow him to move while shielding himself and does increased damage with wrath of the seven seas, but has a longer cooldown.
Loki- No longer receives full ultimate ability when transforming, but has a massively increased charge rate.
When KO’d in his ultimate, he no longer is eliminated but reverts back to Loki.
Reduce the amount of healing and damage illusions do.
Regeneration domain- renamed “untouchable domain” no longer heals from damages received, but character inside can no longer be damaged.
Hela and Loki team up removed from the game, or when activated goes into a long cooldown.
Mantis- Ultimate no longer is a heal over time, but a large bonus health shield that is applied to all Allie’s in range. Keeps the same duration.
Movement speed of the ultimate stays the same.
Her current ultimate Feels way too similar to Luna snow ultimate and when used together or back to back feels really unfun to play against.
Luna Snow- Ultimate duration reduced from 12 seconds to 7.
Healing reduced for primary fire.
Healing from share the stage stays the same. So percentage would be increased to accommodate the reeducation of primary fire healing.
Rocket raccoon- Primary fire damage reduced, projectile speed increased. Now has significant damage fall off at longer ranges.
Healing reduced from secondary fire repair mode. But increased if the orb fired is closer to the ally they are healing. (Rewards accuracy)
B.R.B.- now has a duration. (Maybe 30 seconds)
Recall cooldown increased to 10 seconds from 5.
Cooldown increased to 35 seconds on revive from 25 seconds.
Punisher team up removed from the game.

This is a slighly long one but I will truly appreciate every single person who reads this. I never really speak about my scoliosis, yet it is something that really gets me down.
When I was 11 I had spinal fusion on my 50 something degree curve, but they didn’t do it the typical way with rods and used some kind of liquid substance. This is probably a good point to add a disclaimer that I don’t know very much about my scoliosis. This something i look back at and upsets me greatly, the lack of understanding and autonomy of your own body when youre child is very daunting. Being a child I never really followed or understood what was going on, and it kind of progressed that way into adulthood.
Anyway. This surgery went wrong. A week or so later (I can’t remember the exact time frame) the liquid was being reject by my body and I ended up needing an emergency surgery and had to spend weeks carrying around tubes draining this liquid substance. I missed most of my last year of school and had to have daily nurse visits once i was discharged. I won’t even go into detail how horrible it was. Anyway, as years went on in my teenage hood, my curve had returned and even worsened a few degrees to 54.
When I hit 19 I had another operation booked in to go down the route of rods. My surgeon was very encouraging about doing the surgery and seemed very confident that this was the best decision, and this time it will be better. However, a few weeks before my op, I had cancelled the op as I was having a very horrific year and due to an array of personal things going on in my life, it just didn’t feel appropriate to have the op. A few years later (21) I went back to the hospital thinking that I would go down the route of having surgery again. However, my surgeon had retired and I was given a new surgeon who was strongly discouraging me towards having another surgery… to the point of him basically making the decision for me to not. He said that my spinal discs at the bottom are already very weak, having rods would add extra pressure to them and eventually I would likely need survey at the bottom of my back to fix this. He mentioned I would lose a lot of flexibility, and all of the other common side affects. Additionally to discouraging the surgery, he also decided I should stop my yearly appointments as he didn’t want to keep exposing me to radiation. (I wonder whether if all the above was just nhs budgeting or actually genuine helpful medical care?)
I am 26 (f) now. In the last year I feel my scoliosis is getting worse but I wouldn’t know as I haven’t had an x-ray. I recently have been getting spasms, shooting pains in limbs my body feels hot when I walk with sharp pins and needles, the pain is really bad (nothing new) and I feel my mobility and energy levels are decreasing greatly. I also don’t do Pilates very often as I’ve been very avoidant towards having this condition even though it affects me everyday. I have booked physio therapy and an appointment at the hospital and hopefully I will be able to request an x-ray after I have my initial appointment.
What do you think of this situation with the contrasting opinion of my surgeons ?
Is it likely my scoliosis is still growing?
Thank you so much for reading. I really do love that I have stumbled across this online scoliosis community. I wish there were more than existed in person.

5:36 PM Wed 5/8/24
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.