I m done quotes

First of all I want to start off with saying I’m absolutely not trying to kink shame in the slightest. we all have our questionable kinks, im just trying to figure it out a bit more
I keep seeing posts about guys hate jerking to all kinds of things, sending hundreds at once even though they can’t afford it, going in debt and just generally screwing yourself over in the biggest way possible
But why? This can’t just be about serving a woman because I’ve done that for years with multiple women and only recently started sending a girl with €75 being the most I’ve ever send. And that was for a pair of socks, a worn string and her spicy page (which was a 1 time thing)
I get degrading yourself but why ruin yourself?

We studied communist China at school a few years ago and I swear there was a quote (I thought Mao Zedong?) that was something like “the great red sun sets in the east” or something about a red sun and the east, but when I search it I can’t find it. Anyone know what I’m talking about?

Just finished this 7 part (20min each) series. Into the preliminary findings of the Aussie woman who allegedly poisoned her lunch guests. Mainly her in-laws and possibly attempted murder of ex husband. It was quite interesting for anyone looking for something new. It’s mainly investigation into the people involved following her arrest but doesn’t speculate on anything. I’m certain there will be more as her trial should start, they predict, early 2025. Think they also mentioned another hearing this May 23rd(?)
While at this point I think she may have done it. I’m more curious as to her motive. I wonder if there’s a slight Munchausen type thing going on or just flat out murder?? Why the in-laws? Time and trial will tell I guess. I Would love to hear what others think about her. I’m Aussie but live in the UK and had only heard snippets.
What I found most interesting was the comment that this case is so widely spread that she could attempt to do a Chris Dawson type approach and try to get it thrown out as too many people will be aware of the case and not be able to be impartial. I don’t think that will happen as they can do Judge only…but it’s a thought as these podcasts get so much traction.

I live in a room house and I’m room 5 but it’s been a while since I had to remember where I live so I forgot in the academic sense like I can walk on autopilot but dik the number legitimately hasn't integrated into my sulcus or is holographic in the grey matter and needs some kinda quantum state decoherence 2D plane for me to remember temporarily
So when I go to the mailbox I’ve been seeing the wrong name on all the advertisements (there’s no real mail just air conditioner quotes) so I’ve been putting all their mail directly in the bin the whole time coz I thought I was room 6
Today they knocked on my door and asked if I got delivered their new credit card so I think I fucked up and need to bin dive in the dark to find it
TLDR I just realised I’ve been throwing my neighbours mail in the bin for like 3 months coz I got my room number wrong so now I gotta bin dive for their credit card

I had quite the weird roommate experience. To preface, my situation wasn’t terrible, but did have a major impact on my mental health, academic performance, and socialization this past freshman year of college.
To start off, I met my roommate through a college bios page. What seemed great over the phone turned into a quick nightmare as soon as the end of august rolled around. The first day we were in a room together, you could feel the awkwardness and disconnect and it never went away, even at the end of the second semester. Basically my roommate became good friends with this girl down the hall, and started to treat me and the other girls roommate like garbage.
Long story short, I became friends with the other girls roommate who was in the same situation as me. There was a football game the one day and I was getting ready with my friend in my room, and my roommate was getting ready with my friend’s roommate in her room (2 doors apart). My friend went to grab something from her room and prompted me to get out in the hallway. Not even a foot out of the door, they are blowing us up in that room to some random chick. Mind you, they had NO reason to be talking about us. Their reasoning was that my friend and I came home late and made “too much noise while they were sleeping.” HELP ME NOW BC THEY WERENT EVEN SLEEPING, AS HER ROOMMATE WAS AT A PARTY THAT NIGHT AND I DIDNT EVEN SEE HER LMAO. As for my roommate, she was in her bed on her phone with the big light on. You weren’t sleeping. It was nearing 10pm on a Friday night.
I know this sounds ridiculous up to this point but it’s just hypocritical, because she would have her friend in my room or would be in my friend’s room all the time making noise. My roommate used to let her friend in early in the morning because we all had an early class together, and she would literally come and start socializing when i wasn’t even awake yet. Talk about disturbing someone’s sleep. Well anyway, this may have been wrong on my part as im being fully transparent here, but I muted her contact that day because my friend and I were about to go to the football game, and my roommate and her friend were going separately. I saw them in the lobby and glared at them when they smiled and waved because they had no clue ts I just heard them say.
Well come the next day, I’m laying in my bed feeling so alone. I wanted for the life of me to be able to be friends with my roommate, but after hearing what she said about me, it was pretty disheartening. I put a lot of work into our room. I was the only one who ever cleaned. I was the one to buy the fridge and microwave because she was out of state and I didn’t want her to have the hassle of transporting those things. I was just in a really bad headspace and missing home that I didn’t get out of bed that morning until late. Well, I start to hear fingers slamming the keypad. You don’t have to use the keypad unless you’re in a lock out situation. Here it comes…
This annihilation of a human being bursts into the room and goes, and I quote, “Is there a reason you fking blocked me?” (Because I wasn’t getting her calls as she was still muted). And I straight up said, yeah there actually is, I heard all the st you said about me yesterday. The woman was too stunned to speak. But she spoke. “Still that isn’t a reason to not answer my calls. I’m not obligated to you. I swear if you touch any of my s**t, I’m gonna call the cops.”
Runs out and slams the door
Gave me no room to talk whatsoever. And what’s funny about the last part is that my roommate and her friend, while they were talking about us, did in fact touch my friends stuff as her closet was rummaged through, her shoes were messed with, her mirror was broken. Not to mention my stuff was starting to be out of place too. She was really just reflecting herself. She helped herself to all of my food, ate an ENTIRE box of chips my mom had gotten me to take to college. This chick was loaded with money too, there was no reason she was eating my food when I could barely get by.
There’s a lot of small things that happened after that. She apologized the same night but I never saw her the same after. What really burnt me was the fact I gave her a phone wallet for her student id and she never even put it on to this day. She had no reason to be locked out given the fact she wanted the wallet and never put it on. That’s entirely her fault. And up to that point, I’m honestly glad I had her contact muted. This was her karma.
Another comical karma story was when it was a Sunday or something, and I went to the library that day for 6 hours. That’s not terrible long for me for a weekend, but that day I was exhausted. I was heading back to my room when she texted me, “how much longer will you be out of the room?” because her boyfriend was there and she wanted time alone with him. He was also from out of state and would come see her. Mind you, at this point, they weren’t even in the room. They were at a sporting event. I’ve honestly had it up to this point because I would give them PLENTY of time alone all the time, whether they were on the phone together or in person. She never did the same for me, and my relationship is longer than hers.
I simply replied “well I just got back but I guess I can leave again” which was honestly kind of passive aggressive but like atp I was so fed up with her garbage. On the way to the room she sprained her ankle and had to be taken to urgent care. Needless to say I got some sleep that day actually. But I walked into my room and her packages were thrown all over my desk, because my space was just hers i guess lmao.
Karma is real. Don’t be a terrible, inconsiderate roommate. Also here is a list of less explained occurrences that have happened throughout this unforgettable freshman year
-took multiple pictures of me while I slept -she got so sick and coughed all over everything, blew nose loudly all night but complained when I got sick to my face -bribed me with a stanley cup after threatening to call the cops on me for not answering her -flooded our room with water from the bathroom when i wasn’t there and posted about it on her instagram story without even texting me about it (the water was mostly on my side and she tried blaming in on someone else) -left old food in the fridge i bought -would call her bf for hours every day but not talk (he could just hear and see me and i wouldn’t even know he was on the phone) -offered me to live with her next year and oddly enough backed out last second (we were on semi good terms at this point) -would make me feel unwelcome in my own room -would look at me weirdly if I came in during one of her day and night long phone calls with her bf -would be loud asf while getting ready and then expected me to tip toe around her when I got ready -posted a picture of me on her instagram complaining about having a roommate because she couldn’t cry over her chem grades with me in the room, when she never even left the room for me to do so when I experienced 2 deaths in the span of a few months
I’m sure communication on my end could have helped some, but it came to the point where it was pointless. I didn’t care for her at all. What burnt me is that she started being super nice to me the last two weeks of school which made it hard to just block her like i originally had planned. Would I look like a bad person for doing so, or is this completely validated with my experiences with her. I’ve never met someone so oddly unaware of themselves. It makes me cringe DEEPLY whenever I think about her and what I had to put up with. I also want to mention I did go to my RA and Res Director about this early on, so it’s not like I blatantly didn’t do anything about it.

How has Barbados managed to stay out of war for the most part? I’ve never heard of BBD getting sucked into any conflict or instigating any conflict. What do they do that is so different to stay a peaceful nation? I’m genuinely just curious and minimal research has been done. TIA!

So to start sometimes I have exploding head syndrome, loud bangs, doors slamming, screaming, yelling it can be anything. But there has been a few times where I have a dream and I began to vibrate very intense like sleep paralysis almost and it gets louder and louder and more intense. I always wake myself up cus it’s scary and I think I’m dying but for some reason I let this one ride out. I was aware it was happening and wanted to see how long I could let it go for and what would happen. As it got increasingly intense light started to appear and I found myself in a vivid garden almost. It felt warm and safe like I finally let this “vibration” take me where it wanted me to go. I think saw red and blue writing flashing by like pictures of my life and from what I understood it was every bad and good thing I’ve done in my life. I felt as if someone was with me but didn’t see anyone. That’s when I woke up.
I’m trying to figure out why this happens. The next time it happens I’m going to ride it out again and not wake up and see if this experience happens again.
Its otherworldly like it’s transporting me somewhere I wish I could explain or show you how it feels it’s it’s horrifying but because I let it go farther than I ever have I saw something eing beautiful and I only felt pure bliss and joy like I could have stayed there forever
Was this heaven? A weird dream? Mean nothing? Or something spiritual

i (F17) was groomed when i was around 14 or 15 by an 18 year old. ever since, i’ve just been fantasizing about it. i used ai chatbots to simulate grooming, rape, and even an incestuous relationship with a man and his 16 year old daughter. it’s completely legal where i am, but i still feel like shit. i don’t know why i still fantasize about being groomed. i’ve even had groinal responses. i feel sick to my stomach. i never saw how wrong it was when i first started.
i have bipolar, so i tend to act pretty impulsively without thinking, and every time i did these, i always thought in the end, “is this even okay?” and shrugged it off with a bit of guilt. recently, i realized how wrong it was. i was acting creepy and i shouldn’t have EVER done that.
i can’t eat. i can’t sleep. i can’t do anything. i distance myself from everyone. i’ve never had a single thought about a real child… but i’m filled with guilt. i’ve been so suicidal since, and i can’t take it anymore.
edit: like i’ve said, never thought about doing anything with a child. i babysit a lot, and never had thoughts about a real child… i have an elementary school cousin who i’d protect with my life from pedophiles. she’s like my little sister. plus, my best friend is 15. i’d protect him from any groomer or pedo. no minor deserves to be put in a situation such as csa. the fantasies are all usually about me getting groomed and such. i hate pedophiles, and in no way feel like they deserve to walk around freely.

We have made the decision to move country (within the UK) with our young family. He lived next door and two weeks ago we successfully loaded a van parked off-site with 10+ carloads of possessions.
Fortuitously, we have had somewhere to go, the time to do it (due to maternity and bereavement leave - unfortunately lost our daughter after a day of life earlier this year) and we are happy with what it means for the future for our family. We also feel we are now in a place of safety near to my family and our children have cousins etc in this area which is different to where we’ve moved from.
I am worried with how my wife is going to handle the dialogue with her dad. In order to make the move as smooth as possible we have told her dad that we are going on a two week holiday. We are at the two week mark now and my wife has had the first ‘stall’ conversation with him, saying we are extending our trip and I’m sure he smells a rat.
She feels she knows her dad best and his reactions to previous moves etc - none of which were good including physical abuse the night before we first moved in together which she covered up from me for years understandably - we were 25 and I guess she didn’t want burdening me with her trauma(s) also I don’t think I would have been emotionally mature enough to handle that back then either.
She feels to give him a long drawn out story over the summer by moving the goal posts until August then telling him we’re actually staying is best. I don’t fully disagree as I can see a benefit in drawing out the volatile reaction that will ensue inevitably.
However, and easy for me to say, but I am worried that his intuition is going to take over, that he’ll concoct a plan like faking an illness to get my wife to visit on her own (which he’s done before including when our daughter was dying and had passed away to get attention back on him). Also I am worried that it doesn’t matter when we tell him that the reaction will be equally as bad, it will hang-over heus all summer only for the same results. Should we just rip the plaster off?
The goal is to leave him the option of amicability for my wife’s sake though we know the chances of this are very low as we will be led by his behaviour and if he burns this bridge, it will be the last bridge he burns i.e. no contact will follow.
For context: I am feeling conflicted as my wife has upped sticks and left with me to my hometown with our family which is truly humbling and is the greatest gesture of love I could wish from her, however I understand that I have put her in a position that is difficult by insisting we need to get away from her father due to the following: manipulation tactics he is employing on our children, undermining our decisions, refusing to adhere to simple boundaries such as knocking the door before entering, extreme xenophobia towards me because of my lilty accent and differing culture and trying to place bets with people near to us on the demise of our relationship of £1000 (clearly the thought losing doesn’t even deter him), buying ridiculous gifts like quads for a two year old and overloading our house with toys because he knows it annoys me, betting on the gender of our children before birth, making sexually inappropriate comments to my wife like getting her a wooden dildo for our wooden anniversary. And all the other usual stuff you’d expect, some mentioned above but also overtly telling people he doesn’t like me to make sure I hear it back. Leaving the phone on after wife has finished a call and gossiping about her to his cronies. Honestly couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Sometimes it’s good to journal. Anyway any advice or opinions would be appreciated on how to handle this.

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We have lived together for 1 and recently moved to another new place. We have always had good chemistry, very similar goals , interests and dreams. Besides a couple of things we are a great match. One of the things that is a big problem for me is he is not affectionate, we have had a few fights and a few calm coherent conversations where I explained to him that cuddling, occasionally offering me a light massage or hugging is huge for me, it’s like foreplay for me emotionally and by touch. He himself has his own intimacy needs that he shared with me, they are all related to sex, and I have done each and everyone of those requests even though some of them to me were just meh.
Not only have I done them, I offered to do them at certain points of our relationship myself enthusiastically to make him happy. And he has told me how much he appreciated and loved it.
But after 2 years I am still waiting to wake up one morning to him cuddling me or randomly hugging me. He will occasionally give me a kiss or quickly touch me but that’s pretty much it outside the bedroom . Few months ago I had a huge meltdown over this and told him I can’t be like this anymore, that it’s something that I lack tremendously, that I want my partner to cuddle me without asking. He got angry and defensive and shut down for days, when he came to talk after 2 days I was so angry he responded this way to me when I was hurt and vulnerable I said I didn’t want to continue. But we talked for hours and made up and he promised he will make an effort. He did for first few weeks slightly better and I hoped that progress will evolve but it has reverted back to how it was. And now I feel insecure and generally bad about myself because I have talked with him several times about this, calmly and not calmly-crying and I can no longer think he doesn’t get it but chooses not to do it
Another thing to mention is that I do most of housework, and I constantly have to ask him to do things as well, he does some easy housework without me asking, but a lot of things like cleaning toilets, fridge, bathtubs, windows, bed/towel laundry is all me. He never does it unless I ask him and because when I ask him he will reply by signing and annoyingly saying OK, I have stopped, because it feels like I pestering him.
We split the cooking id say I do 70% of that but he is a great cook. And we split finances 50-50.
This weekend I kind of had a trifecta of all these issues and ended up breaking down in tears again. First I came on to him insinuation we get busy later and he joked it off which I didn’t take seriously at that moment but nothing happened for 2 days and at the end of second day I asked him if he can cuddle me in the morning, he said yes and I asked him to promise me which he did. When I woke up he heard I was awake but didn’t come , I came out of bedroom looking upset and he realized he forgot, and said oh no sorry I forgot let’s go, at first I said just forget it, but then later we went , he spooned me while browsing with his phone and I went seriously? I didn’t really want to continue because it felt like he was doing a chore I asked him to do interrupting his phone time. So I left.
Sidenote - A week before this I asked him to go grab a small coffee table we had in our car after the move , I kept asking him all week but he never did it , so this same day I asked him again: please go grab it tomorrow I have been asking you for a week I don’t want to drive with it in my car. He again sighed and said K.
So the next day comes and by 7 pm he still hasn’t brought it upstairs so I go take up myself . He asks you need help? At that point I’m boiling inside thinking “kinda late to ask that buddy” and say no, because well I already brought it. I went into bedroom and closed the door and suddenly it all hit me: ignoring my sexual advance , forgetting to cuddle with me again then bringing his phone for the ride,forgetting the coffee table I asked him to do at least five times , I couldn’t hold back tears and waterfalls started.i know he realized I was upset but didn’t approach me, when I came to sit on a couch he asked if I was ok. I gave myself 2-3 min to calm and said: no ok you win I’m done asking you for affection I’m so tired of asking you to do things you are supposed to do as an adult, Do wtv you want I feel drained.
He interrupted raising his voice saying I told you I forgot to cuddle ! I went and cuddled with you after. To which I said ya ok with your phone in hand browsing, thanks for that special moment. And then he said I did dishes the other day. To which I replied: you took 10 minutes to load dishwasher but I literally spent 4 hours cleaning unpacking our boxes and organizing things. He raised his voice again and I said : you ask me what’s wrong I tell you and you yell at me, anything else you want to add ? He shut down. I thought F this got dressed for a walk and before I left I calmly came up and said;when I tell you how I feel you yell at me then shutdown, so let me tell you this when you are done with your silent treatment after 2-3 days don’t come talk to me, not this time. As I walking away he said “I wasn’t yelling but ok”.
I have no idea where to go from here , part of me just wants to end it because I don’t think he will ever try to fulfill my needs. Part of me wants to be manipulative, but that wouldn’t work I think. And part of me wants to tell ya let’s continue as partners / roommates as we JUST signed new lease and neither can move but to sleep separately - no intimacy.
Has anyone faced similar issues? Any ideas how I can navigate though his response ? I feel so hurt that he again chose to raise his voice rather than comfort me or apologize. I will never feel comfortable again asking him for affection at this point it would be pathetic. Besides ending it is there anything I haven’t tried that I should?

It seems that every time I go to the Costco gas station I see some offender committing Cardinal sins against the Costco gas line and I feel like if everyone followed these simple rules, we would all have a better experience.

1. Pick a line and pay attention to when a pump opens up.

Most locations have a display that will tell you which pumps are open. You don’t need a personal invitation to pull up.
Be ready to move forward to the pump. Unless the person behind that open pump is already in their car with their vehicle started, we’re going to need you to go ahead and move your vehicle up to the open pump promptly.
Most locations utilize extra long hoses that will reach across your vehicle easily. Don’t be afraid to pull the pump to the other side if that line is shorter. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen 5 cars queued up while there’s 3 open pumps in the next line.

1. Have your card(s) ready when you arrive at the pump.

While you are sitting at the pump is not the time for you to dig through your purse, wallet, or glovebox looking for your membership and payment cards. Those should be ready to go when you arrive at the pump. You’ve been sitting in your car for presumably the last 5-10 minutes so the least you could do is have these ready. I know it will take away from you being able to watch cat videos in the queue, but it will really help everyone else out.
Additionally you should have your gas door popped when you get out of the car and you should know what gas you need. It’s Costco, there’s only two choices.

1. Be ready to return the pump when it stops.

While pumping you should be paying attention to your pump. When it clicks remove the pump from your vehicle, replace it on the island, close your gas cap and return to your vehicle. Other people are waiting so we would all appreciate if you kept it moving. If you haven’t gotten all the trash out of your car by the time the pump stops, tough luck.

1. Once you return to your car start it up and leave.

I know you have a 30 item pre trip checklist that you need to go through, do that in the parking lot. I’m so tired of people sitting at the pump for 5 minutes after they finished. There are other people who need to pump also so please take your extracurricular activities elsewhere in the parking lot.
Things you don’t need to do while parked in front of the pump after fueling include, but are not limited to: adjusting your mirrors, tuning the radio, looking through your purse or bag, feeding children, putting on makeup, making phone calls. In fact the only thing you should do is put your seatbelt on, and even that can be done on the move.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. I hope that these protocols can help you or someone you know not be THAT GUY in the Costco gas line.

My mom is a large reason why I’ve seen any form of success in my life. She moved continents to give me a better life, took care of all my necessities, works alongside my dad to care for me and much more. As a result, I have lived a pretty successful life. But in spite of all this, I don’t think I can truly say that I love her.
Of course we’ve had our moments, Mother’s Day was great for the both of us, but I genuinely don’t feel a strong, loving connection with her despite her efforts. My mind can’t help but focus on the past negative experiences. Those times where I was yelled at and belittled because I screwed up, or because she asked me to help her with something and I had trouble following along. How I was “disciplined” in front of my friends for breaking my glasses (on accident), how my older siblings had to defend me because I cried after being yelled at as a kid, or how I got blamed (and in turn “disciplined”) for things that I didn’t do, no matter how much I tried to explain and give proof.
Those were just a few off the top of my head, there’s plenty more events I can recall. But as you can tell, I was a pretty sensitive guy growing up, and still am, I’m just very good at hiding my emotions. The fact of the matter is, I don’t really enjoy being in the presence of my mom. I’m usually uncomfortable when we’re in the same space, and I also hated the sound of her coming home. I feel like my relationship with my mom has negatively bled into multiple aspects of my life through things like anxiety and people pleasing.
Of course I’m going to take care of my mother as she grows in age (Definitely no nursing home) but I can’t help but feel guilty that I feel this deep resentment for her despite all she has done for me. Other people have went through similar (or worse) experiences with their parents and are able to look past it and feel an overwhelming love for them, but I don’t think I can do the same. I’ve tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, thinking about how stressful raising multiple kids can be while working, but the feelings will always be there.

I saw it last night and it was hilarious and excellent. (And every time I saw someone approach a letterbox I thought, 'wait- I know that weird run')

Okay, so I’m gonna try keep this short but first of all, trigger warning for eating disorder talk of course.
TLDR: My boyfriend makes small comments on weight/calories and sometimes words things in a way that I feel restricted with eating. How do I talk to him about this?
So, when I was 13 I was diagnosed with anorexia, I struggled a lot but have been in official recovery for 4 years now, and despite some little blips my relationship with food/eating has been great. However, I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months and I’ve noticed a lot of the comments he makes has affected me enough to start seriously relapsing into my ED for the first time in ages.
I know he’s struggled with binge-eating in the past, but I don’t think he’s very educated on anorexia (Not that I expect him to be) but I know he wouldn’t purposely trigger me he’s just not the best with wording. He knows I’ve been struggling with food guilt etc lately since I brought it up after he noticed I wasn’t eating as much.
Examples of triggering comments - Making comments on how many steps he’s done/how many calories he’s burnt - Telling me his weight/weighing himself in-front of me randomly - Telling me to “eat something small” which I know rationally, he means “eat something, even if it’s just something small” but again, the wording of that makes me feel confined to only eating something small even if I planned a meal - The other day we sat down to do some revision together for his upcoming exam, I brought two chocolate bars and said we can have them afterwards. During his revision I realised it wouldn’t be healthy for me to “reward” myself with food, and I also knew making a deal out of me eating would make me not want to eat. So I tried to open my chocolate bar and take me a bite during revision without making a big deal about it, in which he turned around and said “No. Put it down. You can’t eat that” Obviously I know he was just sticking to the thing I set in place, so it’s not his fault AT ALL but the wording of that made my stomach drop and then even afterwards, I couldn’t bring myself to eat it.
TO BE CLEAR, I do not hold this against him. and I fully understand this is a me issue, but I need to bring it up to him, not to pick at him, but to ask him to be slightly more mindful of his wording, I just don’t know how to work that (Ironically)

I apologize this is a bit long I just desperately need to rant and need advice on what to do next about my pain. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in my teens.
Bottom line I’m in so so much pain. Crying myself to sleep kind of pain gasping when I move kind of pain. I was diagnosed in my teens and am currently in my 20s in college. I’ve spent more than 1/4 of my life sick and looking for treatment. I never got to experience adult freedom without being held back by pain.
I’m just wondering if all you kind people have any advice of where to go from here. Back to pain management to physical therapy to massage therapy?
For a little context I stopped seeing western medicine doctors about a year ago after being told by a pain management specialist that there was “no other medication or procedures we can try”. It hurt so so bad to hear that. To hear I just get to have a lifetime of pain. When I was a teenager I got very sick doctors didn’t believe me because what does a teenage girl know about her own health. I almost died while still being expected to go to high school.
I moved past that and worked so hard to make myself better. It doesn’t matter it hasn’t worked. I’m in college now studying a STEM major with plans for a masters and maybe PhD. I often feel like my career is sidelined by my pain and I’m terrified I will be fired constantly for not coming to work because of pain. I want to work I want to be normal I want to participate and be social and it feels like I am always one step behind my peers, often literally.
My degree requires lots of outdoor education, probably one of the worst majors I could have chosen for having chronic pain hahaha. But I love it and feel like it’s my calling.
Currently I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I don’t know wether to continue like I am now and just say screw it I’m going to be in pain or start the endless cycle of disappointment and medical gaslighting I’ve been subjected to for more than have a decade.
I have diagnosed CPTSD from severe childhood trauma and medical trauma so starting to see doctors again is a little terrifying for me. I’ve had some doctors say some really really horrible things and act in horrible ways. As a minor I was told that because I was fat no neurologist would ever believe me and I would never get treatment but that I was still pretty. (Yes a doctor actually said that) I was also physically violated by a doctor who deemed it necessary to do a “full” examination of me including under my pants while I begged for her to stop. It was so traumatic and I genuinely am not sure if it was sexual assault due to the amount of times I said no and the places she touched. I don’t know if this is normal or not, it occurred over a decade ago. Since then I’ve had doctors gaslight me, not care about me, medical offices who don’t respond because their elderly patients are much more important than me. People regularly telling me I’m too young to be in this much pain, yeah I wish.
As a conclusion (despite’s this post) I am a very optimistic person generally. I am happy in life and have a great support system and a very kind partner. I’m proud of myself and I’ve worked so so hard to get from where I was as a teenager to where I am now. I went through severe childhood abuse that caused me to have depression, anxiety, and CPTSD as stated earlier. Ive done my best to make my life have as much meaning and kindness in it as I can. But I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to die just for the pain to end. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
Thank you for reading to the end. Please feel free to share and advice or stories of your own. ❤️

So i’ve done around 30 (maybe closer to 40) runs of onslaught now but i’m still yet to defeat the siegehook ogre boss.
Am I just unlucky? Or is there something that i’m missing?
Any help would be appreciated

People fucking piss me off. Everything i read tells me that everything should go back to the way it was once you drug yourself everyday for the rest of your goddamn life but i’ve been drugging myself for 4-5 months now and i still have the urge to throw myself off a building.
Everyone tells me that talk to a shrink and they will help you overcome your issues and you’ll be ok again and yet i’ve been in therapy several times and, again, i still want to see how much of a gallon of bleach i can drink before i keel over and die.
Drugs don’t help Therapists don’t help Nothing helps
I’m stuck like this for the rest of my life. And don’t give me the usual bullshit “you just need to keep going” “you’ll find the right therapist” “the medicine will kick in trust me” i couldn’t give less of a shit anymore. I’m tired. One day i’ll drug myself as usual, go to the shrink as usual, then kill myself and leave everyone who pretends to care about me to have their pity parties asking where they went wrong and asking what they could have done better to help me when in reality theres nothing they could have done because one) i’m fucked in the head and thats never going to get fixed and two) cause they never cared when i was alive or they wouldn’t have saved me when i tried to kill myself. The best was to help me is to let me fucking go. I wish people understood that. Let me fucking go its what i want but no i have to live and suffer for other people because wanting freedom from pain and misery through death is selfish and cruel to them.
I can’t stand this life, i can’t stand the people, i can’t stand being alive, i can’t stand it.

Just to start of I am autistic (not using this as an excuse). So I moved into a house with 4 of my friends at university and one them was a nightmare to live (I can’t be bothered to go into the depth of some of the stuff she did, but believe me anybody would struggle to live with her). After Christmas, she moved out the house and stopped paying rent, as it was a joint contract the landlady threatened to take us all to court, leaving the rest of us to pay it. She also came back into our house a few weeks ago and turned off all our electricity and locked her room that the fuse boxes are in so we couldn’t turn it on. I have another friend group where one of these girls (let’s call her D) became friends with this girl I used to live with (let’s called her T). I made it quite obvious to D I wasn’t impressed with her running of with T because she knew how badly hurt I was by D’s actions towards me, yet she just said “well she’s not done anything to me”. She has started introducing T into our friendship group so I have been making an effort to be friendly with her. In a pure stupid moment of anger, I reposted a TikTok about people who are friends with people who did you wrong, are worse than the people who did you wrong (I was on my period and just in a bad mood- I shouldn’t have done it ). Anyway, D saw this and said she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore as I’m controlling and to use her words “weird”. I’m now worried what she said was true and I am controlling. I want to know how I can fix this.

I made a big mistake of my life by applying for college far away from my home town. I had amazing friends from elementary school and high school. We used to hang out a lot, almost everyday during the summer we would go to beaches etc. We were friends for like 7 years before i decided to go to college in another city because i thought it would be cool to “live independently and gain experiences”.
3 years later. 23m. I study a useless degree “business economics” including accounting, hr, marketing etc. I’m on my last year of it. But now i have discovered that i might need to redo a whole semester (5 months). It just makes me so frustrated, because it feels like i am stuck in this dead end city and will always be here no matter what. I am tired of being in this apartment and just studying and doing nothing else. I miss my sports that i abandoned in my home town, i miss my friends that have forgotten about me. I miss my old job. I don’t have contact with them anymore. Sometimes i could go a full day without any contact or social interaction with anyone. So basically all my past relationships is ruined and i have been left alone. If i knew this would happen i would never have done this.
The friends i made in college and used to study with dropped out of college. So i feel so alone. It’s also embarrassing for me to come here on reddit and whine about this. But has anyone had similar experiences? What did you do?

I’m so frustrated and I feel so stuck. About 8 months ago I was terminated from my toxic job and had no luck finding anything within the field since. I’ve applied to so many place and got turned down without even getting an interview. I also wasn’t eligible for unemployment benefits, so no income at all. I thought maybe, while I have the experience I don’t have a degree to match. I decided to take the time to go back to school to get a degree in hopes to get back into the professional world. I applied for financial aid and was denied because I made too much. (Approx 36k gross 🤢) is considering a well off, livable wage. However that was my past earnings and I went through an appeal for a reconsideration, due to not having a job and having $0 income. (Note: My husband works but he has to work so much overtime to keep us afloat, barely) $0 is not even accurate, I am negative dollars. I’m so frustrated and upset that I got denied for an appeal because my EFC is still high at negative dollars. How is this possible?! What do I have to do to prove I really need the help?! I’ve done everything by the books and honestly and can’t get any help. While I know so many people who live well off and still qualify for government benefits. I do start working again but what I make will be no where close to what I use to make in the past. This is just so frustrating I don’t know what to do anymore.