On hands activities for context clues
crafts and hands-on activities for the kiddies
2011.08.18 21:51 Skykittens69 crafts and hands-on activities for the kiddies
2008.01.25 18:37 design
Design
2012.03.19 02:33 draebor Where was this photo taken?
Got an old photo and want to know where it was taken? Don't feel like taking the time to pore over pages and pages of image searches looking for recognizable features? Why not crowd-source the job... New Community Rules for Posts: Context is now REQUIRED for all posts. Provide as much detail as possible about what the photo depicts, and any hints or clues as to where it might be. For recent photos with no apparent personal connection, you'll also need to explain what your interest in it is.
2024.05.16 21:10 Mono_Amarillo Infatuation / Limerence (Only) With Unhealthy Individuals
TL;DR: I keep falling for toxic women, particularly ENFJs, and I'm not as attracted to healthier, more balanced women. Seeking insights into why this happens and advice on avoiding limerence towards the wrong people. Have you experienced this with ENFJs? What psychological causes might underlie this behavior? Any techniques, habits, or books to recommend?
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"), These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.
submitted by Mono_Amarillo to INTP [link] [comments]
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"), These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.
- Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.
- Have you ever experienced this before (more specifically with ENFJs) and in a recurrent manner
- What do you think are the underlying ultimate psychological causes of this kind of unhealthy behaviour?
- Which techniques, methods, habits have worked for you to avoid becoming limerent towards the wrong person?
- Any books you think are worth recommending (preferably something practical and prescriptive, I already read Love and Limerence, but it was eminently descriptive)?
Conditions to Fall in Love
I've identified these characteristics in all the women I've considered as potential soulmates.- Attraction towards Fe-proficient individuals. I'm not sure if this is the case for all INTPs. I don't remember having such a liking for xNFJs when I was younger; it seems to have begun after I started treating Extraverted Feeling as an area I really need to improve. I like when people show (an exaggerated) interest in my pastimes and ideas or when they put my needs first (e.g. pouring water in your glass first during a dinner). And I guess it makes sense. In Projection and Personality we can read that we can "idealize the opposite attitude, especially in the opposite sex, making partnerships in order that the partner will play a complementary role for us. Jung commented that this was fairly frequent in marriage and even necessary, but such idealizing biases are just as deluded as the negative biases. Each “attitude-type” projects attributes onto the other that are not rightly his or hers", and that the use of the inferior function can lead one to become "addicted to or infatuated by activities or individuals associated with the function." Personality Cafe's user Entropic wrote an interesting comment about this as well.
- Attraction towards Ni-Se Axis Users. Despite what Socionics proposes, I've never found our duals (ESFJs) attractive at all. Notwithstanding their command of Fe, they appear to me as shallow, uninteresting, and simple-minded (no offense intended, I'm just stating what I perceive). The same for ISFJs; in the last weeks I ran into a very beautiful ISFJ girl a few times, and despite finding her very physically appealing, no infatuation could take place there because her conversation was one-sided, superficial, and ultimately, unfulfilling. On top of that, they (and people in the Si-Ne Axis in general) tend to lack a fondness for touching, which I personally find very interesting in a romantic partner.
- Importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuation does not happen with every INFJ and ENFJ I encounter. I also need to feel the urge to mix my genes together with those of the other person. I know a slightly older ENFJ girl who is a good friend of an ENTP girl friend of mine Although she displays a lot of behaviours I know I would consider attractive under different conditions, I don't find her hot enough, so the spell does not work out, and I am able to impartially see how unhinged she is.
Why Limerence Keeps Coming Back
- Immature Fi. This is a bit speculative, but I believe if I still feel limerent every so and so despite being 28 it is because of an incapacity to control and structure my own strong emotions, which is the territory of Introverted Feeling (recently, I read a biography of Madame Curie and found super relatable her affair with Paul Langevin, during which she behaved in a complete irrational manner in spite of being over her 40s). There could, of course, be non-personality-type-related reasons (which is what I'm actually trying to find out), but Fi-doms don't seem to experience this state of anxiety that frequently. I discussed this with my ISFP mother, and she admitted feeling "butterflies in her belly" only once in her lifetime, when she was in high school. Never again felt that way, not even with my ENTJ father, but that doesn't prevent her from loving him. I also discussed it with an INFP colleague, and he also said that maybe he felt this way when he was a teenager but has never felt it in his adult relationships. To me that could point to an ability present in Fi-doms to quickly and intuitively learn how to self-adjust in certain situations that caused internal distress in the past. What makes me believe this could be true is that I know that, for example, ENFJs can also fall in love hard and can get depressed after a breakup. Another ENFJ friend of my ENTP girl friend broke up recently with a long-term partner and she seems to have been suffering from melancholy and a sentiment of meaninglessness and loss of direction. She said she has always believed that you need to feel infatuated to love someone, and I believe ENFJs also have Fi in a critical spot.
The Women I Have Fallen in Love With
I want to describe four women I've gotten to know well and who ended up being quite crazy despite having initially awaken very strong feelings in me. I hope to show with that that I'm not the problem and that there is a grounded pattern that involves different types of women that only share their psychological type. I also got infatuated with 2 other ENFJ women, but that was temporarily (after sleeping with one, and after seeing the other in a few social gatherings) and couldn't know them on a deeper level. And I pursued an ENFP an ESFP as well (which, in their way, are also quite proficient with Fe). I'm not including them because the ENFP, although she is very toxic, I met her first online and couldn't see the whole picture, and the ESFP is in fact a decent human being, and we are still friends.- My ENFJ supervisor (+40). She looked quite well despite her age, and I found interesting the fact that she was independent and presumably hard-working. Thought intensely about her for a month. Then I knew she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with one of my best friends, and then lied to the boyfriend to make him believe it was my friend who was obsessed with her, and manipulated my friend to support her version. Then, when the boyfriend knew the truth, she accused him of being responsible for the situation. She also dated a guy from a LatAm country when she was younger, made him accompany her to her home country in Europe, and asked him to leave because she was bored of him after a month.
- The INFJ who texted me through Instagram (28). She saw me on Tinder, but she is 2 years older, so she didn't appear to me because of the age filter. Then replied to one of my stories. First, she told me she didn't like me because I was too young (she knew that from the beginning). Then, after making out, she didn't want to have a relationship because she said the chances of me leaving the country were too high, and in the end, she would leave the country herself a few months later to pursue a degree that has nothing to do with her original studies.
- The sociopathic ENFJ colleague (31). Met her in a bar and talked for 2 hours; everything fine. A few weeks later, we go to a dinner with other people. After I suggest that all Ethiopian dishes taste the same and after saying that if someone is Hispanic and has a Chinese surname, it is very likely that they are Peruvian, she exhorts me to keep my biases at home, accuses me of breaking social harmony and basically implies in an incredibly aggressive manner that I say racist things. I had to take a 10-minute walk to calm down after that. We were supposed to talk privately so I could explain her why I didn't like that moment, but then she decides a week later to expel me from a work-related group chat without giving any explanation. Never talked again after that.
- The ENFJ without clear ideas (24). Met her a few times through mutual friends and she seemed interested, but then I was told she was in a long-distance relationship. I decided not to pursue her because of that, but even though I knew the fact that she had not mentioned her boyfriend for 6 months was a HUGE red flag, I found her super interesting. Confessed my feelings to her and asked her to tell me if I had 0 chances so I could move on; her reply: "you should act as if you had 0 chances." Went on 2 more dates, but then she got incredibly emotional because of a discussion we had on nature vs. nurture stuff (it had been quite amusing for me, only realized she was triggered when her hands started literally shaking), sent me the longest text message I ever received in my life describing me as a soulless monster, and asked me for "time, space and boundaries" before we could meet again. Didn't hear about her in almost 2 months, then she apologized and proposed to meet again, but that never materialized.
2024.05.16 21:08 Southern-Ad-9105_4 The name of Christ is Joy.
Jesus was confused with Satan by some cultures and even worshipped as such – despite the fact that he was considered a "good" Satan and a "positive" Devil that sided with the weak and vulnerable and betrayed the "powerful ones" in order to dedicate himself and his life completely to the poor. (Such notion is not alien at all even to the texts – because Jesus is expressly called the Morning Star in 2 Peter 1:19 and in Revelation 2:28).
This is apparent in the fact that the Hebrews for example did not recognize Christ as the Messiah and they even called him "evil" and applied to him the title "Satan" (from the Hebrew: "śāṭān" meaning: "adversary, enemy"). The definition of "evil" here is relative – because since Jesus went against the teachings that the Hebrews held as sacred and he also went against the teachings that the Muslims for example also regarded as sacred (and he went against many other cultures as well for that matter; because the figure of Jesus was pagan and it actually belonged worldwide to all cultures of the world and he was claimed to have opposed all of them trying to reform them) – he was thus called "evil" in relative terms by some of these cultures; meaning an "enemy" or "adversary" of those doctrines. Originally not even the Christians considered Christ as a positive figure; because Christ professed a lot of ideals that were inconceivable and impossible to apply according to the mentality of the powerful castes that rule society – like the priesthood for example; because Jesus claimed many times that the wealthy ones must renounce everything they have, they must give their money to the poor and then and only then – will they be allowed to follow Christ.
But the Church completely ignored and bypassed this teaching of Christ because they knew that if they had started preaching this to their believers; they would lose all believers in one second since no one wants to give up their house, their wealth and their life to follow the Church. So even the Church had to rearrange and modify a lot of the teachings of Christ while straight up censoring and ignoring others; in order to create a religion out of it. The only difference is that the Christian Church decided that it was worth investing their time and money in turning Jesus into the symbol of their faith and into a figure that would appeal to the masses (basically deifying him and using his name and memory to attract people into the religion) – while the other two religions (Judaism and Islam) completely disregarded Jesus altogether and considered him a madman instead and even went as far as to call him "evil" and a "Devil" precisely because he had preached such revolutionary notions that were just impossible to accept for the rich and wealthy. (Another reason for this is also because Judaism had a different idea of the Messiah altogether and they followed a different Messiah – and this other idea of the Messiah along with the other Messiah – were also very different from the "Jesus Christ" concept altogether – but that’s besides the point).
The symbology of the spring refers to the blood of Christ which gives life and makes vegetation grow on the earth much like the water of a spring; but it also holds literal meaning because the pagan figures who correspond to "Jesus" were all claimed to have met their demise or to have had a life-changing experience happen near a spring or near a water-source more generally speaking. Such is the case for Hermaphroditus who was rendered female by his union with Salmacis near a spring; or also the castration of one of the gods called "Uranus" – because according to Cicero in his "De Natura Deorum" there were multiple Uranuses and one of them was the "younger" one – and he’s the same who was said to have been castrated near a spring by Phoenician mythology. (The fact that Hermaphroditus was joined to Salmacis thus becoming definitively feminine near the waters of a spring – refers to the confusion that happened in the myth due to the nature of the two characters taken into analysis; because Hermaphroditus and Salmacis were actually brother and sister in other iterations of the story and they were claimed to have been conjoined thus essentially making up a single being who was a "man-woman" united. But then after their birth they were separated and their bodies were not conjoined anymore; although the male – in this case Hermaphroditus – was claimed to have been castrated in further iterations of the story so it looked as though he had returned to being a female and was thus "rejoined" to his female nature which is why the Greek myth confused it and claimed that Hermaphroditus lost his manhood but he lost it by being rejoined to his twin-sister Salmacis. In reality he was castrated near the waters of that spring – the "conjoined" part referring instead to the myth of their birth, but the two accounts were later confused and amalgamated into a single story for the Hermaphroditus myth; thus confusing also the timeline on when exactly was it that the two siblings were conjoined – whether it was at the beginning of their lives or at the end of it as in the case of Hermaphroditus and Salmacis).
The god Attar of the planet Venus was worshipped as "Atarsamain" (Attar of heaven) by the Arabs and equated with Allat i.e. Athena. He was furthermore equated with the goddess Anat in the form of "Ninurta" – because the Mesopotamian warrior-god Ninurta being equivalent to Attar (and Atarsamain) himself – he was directly equated with the Canaanite goddess "Anat" and the name of Anat was also written as "NIN.URTA" in cuneiform. There is an epithet of Anat which calls the deity: "the strength of life" and this particular epithet is applied to Ninurta continuously throughout Sumerian mythology because he’s consistently called the "strength of Enlil" – the "one with superior strength" – the "son in whose strength the father rejoices" – the one with the "strength of a lion" and Ninurta was also in charge of ditches and canals being the one who created the canal-system in Sumer and who was claimed to have brought to everyone the waters of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers as a result. The epithet of Anat – in this case referring to the male Anat who was though still worshipped as female regardless because the god possessed androgynous qualities (and not coincidentally the term "Nin" which comprises the name "Nin-urta" is actually more often than not utilized for female goddesses in Sumerian culture; for example "Ninhursag", "Ninisina", "Ninlil" etc. as it usually means "lady" – but in this case the word assumes a neutral meaning and its connotation is given by the context; so since the god is male it’s translated as "lord" – but the androgynous aspect of this deity is still kept intact nonetheless by using "Nin" instead of "En" ("En" being more traditionally used in Sumerian to mean "lord") – and the title thus refers for the concept of "the strength of life" to the strength of life as a life-giver; because Ninurta being associated with water and with the fertilizing effects of water having been the one who brought canals and ditches to Sumer; the meaning of the term thus acquired such connotation.
This deity is also always associated with physical beauty; for example in the case of Dumuzi (the Mesopotamian god of vegetation) who was called "the one with the beautiful eyes" and even in the form of "Ishtaran" (a form of Dumuzi worshipped as the "heavenly serpent") – where there are several references to his "beautiful face". This notion of beauty is once again reinforced and repeated for all other versions of this pagan god as he was called by many different names throughout cultures – for example also in the form of "Joseph" the biblical son of Jacob; who was claimed to be so beautiful that while a slave in Egypt the women could not resist him – or even in the form of Japheth the third son of Noah (who corresponds still to the same character) – where the word "Japheth" is connected to the root meaning "to be beautiful".
Thus the ideals of "strength and beauty" refer to him. (The pagan imagery of this god depicts him joyous and free as he dances through the flower-fields and while bringing the springing of vegetation to the seasons – often times represented with ears of corn or garlands adorning his head; as in the case of his Slavic counterpart "Potrimpo" for example).
Christ furthermore corresponds also to the pagan god Dionysus as mentioned in other posts; and Dionysus had a particular epithet in Rome which later ended up becoming his main name (or one of his many names alongside the more renown "Bacchus") and this particular title was that of "Liber" i.e. "the free one", one who embodies "freedom".
In form of "Ishtaran" Dumuzi was worshipped as "Anu" as well – since they called Ishtaran with the epithet "AN.GAL" i.e. "great Anu"; thus meaning that Dumuzi was so beloved and his cult had risen to such prominence at some point – that some local traditions (smaller ones) worshiped him as God the Creator himself and substituted him in place of Anu or at the very least differentiated him from the main "Anu" by calling him "AN.GAL" – "the great Anu" or "greater Anu". This is why Hermaphroditus/Jesus corresponds also in Phoenician mythology to the one "Uranus" who was said to have been castrated near a fountain-spring – Uranus being the Greek equivalent of the Sumerian "Anu" and this is why he was addressed with the name "Uranus" and worshipped as one of the "Uranuses" (the younger Uranus, because the older Uranus is instead the father of Cronus/Saturn and he’s a much older Uranus).
Given how Dumuzi was worshipped as the male Ishtar and as Attar in Canaanite lands (from whom the name "Ishtar" came from because the name of the goddess "Ishtar" is actually in the masculine gender and the goddess inherited that name from the male god who was called "Attar", "Ashtar" and "Ishtar" himself); one has to take into account that the male god was worshipped as androgynous though – which is why he was later equated with the female goddess Inanna in Mesopotamia and became indistinguishable from her to the point that she also came to be called Ishtar herself. The rosette is the symbol of Venus and of this male god of Venus who corresponds to Christ himself.
But at the same time the rosette is also the symbol of the female Venus as well and of the goddess Inanna (the female form of Ishtar) so the rosette refers to both Ishtars; the male and female one referring to the planet Venus in general.
Now, seeing as to how the figure of the "son of god" was worshipped as "the creator" himself by some more local cultures who idolized him to such degree that they ended up seeing him as the superior god over others – this explains one of the symbologies present on the modern representation of the apparent "pagan god" of the Templars; where he’s depicted with the head of a goat and the five pointed star facing downward. The five pointed star being a symbol of the divine – it represents through the symbology present on the idol the fact that the god in question is not the one who resides in the sky (in which case the five pointed star would have to be pointing upwards instead); but they worshipped on the other hand a creator who was "the creator on earth" thus being "the one below" – so their god was represented by the pointed star facing downwards. (This is for the representations that depict the idol with the star facing down; otherwise in other cases the star is absent altogether).
Now, according to the Atbash ciphering interpretation done on the name "Baphomet" which becomes: "Sophia" – if the interpretation is indeed correct (that Baphomet=Sophia) it would make total sense given how the name of Christ himself was actually "Sophia" and the why that is was explained in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/P3ZkDJvXdM – where essentially there was talk on the Christ’s physical appearance and the fact that he was born with androgynous traits. This for example made it so that the character in question also displayed overly-sized pectorals that were rather exposed when compared to the rest of his body and were also rounded and protruding; sometimes even resembling female breasts (and that’s where the symbology of the rooster sticking its chest out and of Christ "with breasts" came from: – the rooster in the act of sticking its chest out: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/81/a6/a5/81a6a5da3c527f3ce0fe1648a7650001.jpg – and the depiction of Christ "with breasts" on the Notre-Dame church: https://gcm.rmnet.be/clients/rmnet/content/medias/christus_750.jpg). This (physical) androgynous nature of the "son of god" was then explained through metaphors and in spiritual terms by Christianity and Gnosticism with the fact that when Sophia incarnated she incarnated as "Jesus Christ".
But – there was also a female-incarnated Sophia; which incarnated as a woman and the figure in question is sometimes identified with the "Thetokos" i.e. "mother of god" Mary – or alternatively substituted by Mary Magdalene the consort of Jesus (being called the "Bride of Christ"). The fact that the Templars were claimed to have worshipped the prophetic head of a female refers to the cult of the pagan goddess who corresponded to the Magdalene – where; she was claimed in pagan mythology to have been decapitated or to have been "half-decapitated" (her throat cut significantly to the point of almost detaching her head from her neck) and the goddess in question possessed oracular as well as prophetic gifts. The notion of Magdalene who corresponds to this pagan goddess was addressed in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/iHlaRrZnzL.
So essentially the Templars were worshipping both Christ and Magdalene through pagan imagery (Christ being "Sophia" himself and Magdalene being the "female Sophia" who’s the counterpart of the Messiah); something which was not acceptable to the Church – and also because they were worshipping Christ in his real nature as opposed to the heavily filtered and altered version that Christianity gave of him – thus opposing the "official" canon established by the Church altogether.
submitted by Southern-Ad-9105_4 to EsotericOccult [link] [comments]
This is apparent in the fact that the Hebrews for example did not recognize Christ as the Messiah and they even called him "evil" and applied to him the title "Satan" (from the Hebrew: "śāṭān" meaning: "adversary, enemy"). The definition of "evil" here is relative – because since Jesus went against the teachings that the Hebrews held as sacred and he also went against the teachings that the Muslims for example also regarded as sacred (and he went against many other cultures as well for that matter; because the figure of Jesus was pagan and it actually belonged worldwide to all cultures of the world and he was claimed to have opposed all of them trying to reform them) – he was thus called "evil" in relative terms by some of these cultures; meaning an "enemy" or "adversary" of those doctrines. Originally not even the Christians considered Christ as a positive figure; because Christ professed a lot of ideals that were inconceivable and impossible to apply according to the mentality of the powerful castes that rule society – like the priesthood for example; because Jesus claimed many times that the wealthy ones must renounce everything they have, they must give their money to the poor and then and only then – will they be allowed to follow Christ.
But the Church completely ignored and bypassed this teaching of Christ because they knew that if they had started preaching this to their believers; they would lose all believers in one second since no one wants to give up their house, their wealth and their life to follow the Church. So even the Church had to rearrange and modify a lot of the teachings of Christ while straight up censoring and ignoring others; in order to create a religion out of it. The only difference is that the Christian Church decided that it was worth investing their time and money in turning Jesus into the symbol of their faith and into a figure that would appeal to the masses (basically deifying him and using his name and memory to attract people into the religion) – while the other two religions (Judaism and Islam) completely disregarded Jesus altogether and considered him a madman instead and even went as far as to call him "evil" and a "Devil" precisely because he had preached such revolutionary notions that were just impossible to accept for the rich and wealthy. (Another reason for this is also because Judaism had a different idea of the Messiah altogether and they followed a different Messiah – and this other idea of the Messiah along with the other Messiah – were also very different from the "Jesus Christ" concept altogether – but that’s besides the point).
The symbology of the spring refers to the blood of Christ which gives life and makes vegetation grow on the earth much like the water of a spring; but it also holds literal meaning because the pagan figures who correspond to "Jesus" were all claimed to have met their demise or to have had a life-changing experience happen near a spring or near a water-source more generally speaking. Such is the case for Hermaphroditus who was rendered female by his union with Salmacis near a spring; or also the castration of one of the gods called "Uranus" – because according to Cicero in his "De Natura Deorum" there were multiple Uranuses and one of them was the "younger" one – and he’s the same who was said to have been castrated near a spring by Phoenician mythology. (The fact that Hermaphroditus was joined to Salmacis thus becoming definitively feminine near the waters of a spring – refers to the confusion that happened in the myth due to the nature of the two characters taken into analysis; because Hermaphroditus and Salmacis were actually brother and sister in other iterations of the story and they were claimed to have been conjoined thus essentially making up a single being who was a "man-woman" united. But then after their birth they were separated and their bodies were not conjoined anymore; although the male – in this case Hermaphroditus – was claimed to have been castrated in further iterations of the story so it looked as though he had returned to being a female and was thus "rejoined" to his female nature which is why the Greek myth confused it and claimed that Hermaphroditus lost his manhood but he lost it by being rejoined to his twin-sister Salmacis. In reality he was castrated near the waters of that spring – the "conjoined" part referring instead to the myth of their birth, but the two accounts were later confused and amalgamated into a single story for the Hermaphroditus myth; thus confusing also the timeline on when exactly was it that the two siblings were conjoined – whether it was at the beginning of their lives or at the end of it as in the case of Hermaphroditus and Salmacis).
The god Attar of the planet Venus was worshipped as "Atarsamain" (Attar of heaven) by the Arabs and equated with Allat i.e. Athena. He was furthermore equated with the goddess Anat in the form of "Ninurta" – because the Mesopotamian warrior-god Ninurta being equivalent to Attar (and Atarsamain) himself – he was directly equated with the Canaanite goddess "Anat" and the name of Anat was also written as "NIN.URTA" in cuneiform. There is an epithet of Anat which calls the deity: "the strength of life" and this particular epithet is applied to Ninurta continuously throughout Sumerian mythology because he’s consistently called the "strength of Enlil" – the "one with superior strength" – the "son in whose strength the father rejoices" – the one with the "strength of a lion" and Ninurta was also in charge of ditches and canals being the one who created the canal-system in Sumer and who was claimed to have brought to everyone the waters of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers as a result. The epithet of Anat – in this case referring to the male Anat who was though still worshipped as female regardless because the god possessed androgynous qualities (and not coincidentally the term "Nin" which comprises the name "Nin-urta" is actually more often than not utilized for female goddesses in Sumerian culture; for example "Ninhursag", "Ninisina", "Ninlil" etc. as it usually means "lady" – but in this case the word assumes a neutral meaning and its connotation is given by the context; so since the god is male it’s translated as "lord" – but the androgynous aspect of this deity is still kept intact nonetheless by using "Nin" instead of "En" ("En" being more traditionally used in Sumerian to mean "lord") – and the title thus refers for the concept of "the strength of life" to the strength of life as a life-giver; because Ninurta being associated with water and with the fertilizing effects of water having been the one who brought canals and ditches to Sumer; the meaning of the term thus acquired such connotation.
This deity is also always associated with physical beauty; for example in the case of Dumuzi (the Mesopotamian god of vegetation) who was called "the one with the beautiful eyes" and even in the form of "Ishtaran" (a form of Dumuzi worshipped as the "heavenly serpent") – where there are several references to his "beautiful face". This notion of beauty is once again reinforced and repeated for all other versions of this pagan god as he was called by many different names throughout cultures – for example also in the form of "Joseph" the biblical son of Jacob; who was claimed to be so beautiful that while a slave in Egypt the women could not resist him – or even in the form of Japheth the third son of Noah (who corresponds still to the same character) – where the word "Japheth" is connected to the root meaning "to be beautiful".
Thus the ideals of "strength and beauty" refer to him. (The pagan imagery of this god depicts him joyous and free as he dances through the flower-fields and while bringing the springing of vegetation to the seasons – often times represented with ears of corn or garlands adorning his head; as in the case of his Slavic counterpart "Potrimpo" for example).
Christ furthermore corresponds also to the pagan god Dionysus as mentioned in other posts; and Dionysus had a particular epithet in Rome which later ended up becoming his main name (or one of his many names alongside the more renown "Bacchus") and this particular title was that of "Liber" i.e. "the free one", one who embodies "freedom".
In form of "Ishtaran" Dumuzi was worshipped as "Anu" as well – since they called Ishtaran with the epithet "AN.GAL" i.e. "great Anu"; thus meaning that Dumuzi was so beloved and his cult had risen to such prominence at some point – that some local traditions (smaller ones) worshiped him as God the Creator himself and substituted him in place of Anu or at the very least differentiated him from the main "Anu" by calling him "AN.GAL" – "the great Anu" or "greater Anu". This is why Hermaphroditus/Jesus corresponds also in Phoenician mythology to the one "Uranus" who was said to have been castrated near a fountain-spring – Uranus being the Greek equivalent of the Sumerian "Anu" and this is why he was addressed with the name "Uranus" and worshipped as one of the "Uranuses" (the younger Uranus, because the older Uranus is instead the father of Cronus/Saturn and he’s a much older Uranus).
Given how Dumuzi was worshipped as the male Ishtar and as Attar in Canaanite lands (from whom the name "Ishtar" came from because the name of the goddess "Ishtar" is actually in the masculine gender and the goddess inherited that name from the male god who was called "Attar", "Ashtar" and "Ishtar" himself); one has to take into account that the male god was worshipped as androgynous though – which is why he was later equated with the female goddess Inanna in Mesopotamia and became indistinguishable from her to the point that she also came to be called Ishtar herself. The rosette is the symbol of Venus and of this male god of Venus who corresponds to Christ himself.
But at the same time the rosette is also the symbol of the female Venus as well and of the goddess Inanna (the female form of Ishtar) so the rosette refers to both Ishtars; the male and female one referring to the planet Venus in general.
Now, seeing as to how the figure of the "son of god" was worshipped as "the creator" himself by some more local cultures who idolized him to such degree that they ended up seeing him as the superior god over others – this explains one of the symbologies present on the modern representation of the apparent "pagan god" of the Templars; where he’s depicted with the head of a goat and the five pointed star facing downward. The five pointed star being a symbol of the divine – it represents through the symbology present on the idol the fact that the god in question is not the one who resides in the sky (in which case the five pointed star would have to be pointing upwards instead); but they worshipped on the other hand a creator who was "the creator on earth" thus being "the one below" – so their god was represented by the pointed star facing downwards. (This is for the representations that depict the idol with the star facing down; otherwise in other cases the star is absent altogether).
Now, according to the Atbash ciphering interpretation done on the name "Baphomet" which becomes: "Sophia" – if the interpretation is indeed correct (that Baphomet=Sophia) it would make total sense given how the name of Christ himself was actually "Sophia" and the why that is was explained in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/P3ZkDJvXdM – where essentially there was talk on the Christ’s physical appearance and the fact that he was born with androgynous traits. This for example made it so that the character in question also displayed overly-sized pectorals that were rather exposed when compared to the rest of his body and were also rounded and protruding; sometimes even resembling female breasts (and that’s where the symbology of the rooster sticking its chest out and of Christ "with breasts" came from: – the rooster in the act of sticking its chest out: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/81/a6/a5/81a6a5da3c527f3ce0fe1648a7650001.jpg – and the depiction of Christ "with breasts" on the Notre-Dame church: https://gcm.rmnet.be/clients/rmnet/content/medias/christus_750.jpg). This (physical) androgynous nature of the "son of god" was then explained through metaphors and in spiritual terms by Christianity and Gnosticism with the fact that when Sophia incarnated she incarnated as "Jesus Christ".
But – there was also a female-incarnated Sophia; which incarnated as a woman and the figure in question is sometimes identified with the "Thetokos" i.e. "mother of god" Mary – or alternatively substituted by Mary Magdalene the consort of Jesus (being called the "Bride of Christ"). The fact that the Templars were claimed to have worshipped the prophetic head of a female refers to the cult of the pagan goddess who corresponded to the Magdalene – where; she was claimed in pagan mythology to have been decapitated or to have been "half-decapitated" (her throat cut significantly to the point of almost detaching her head from her neck) and the goddess in question possessed oracular as well as prophetic gifts. The notion of Magdalene who corresponds to this pagan goddess was addressed in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/iHlaRrZnzL.
So essentially the Templars were worshipping both Christ and Magdalene through pagan imagery (Christ being "Sophia" himself and Magdalene being the "female Sophia" who’s the counterpart of the Messiah); something which was not acceptable to the Church – and also because they were worshipping Christ in his real nature as opposed to the heavily filtered and altered version that Christianity gave of him – thus opposing the "official" canon established by the Church altogether.
2024.05.16 21:04 Mono_Amarillo Infatuation / Limerence (Only) With Unhealthy Individuals
TL;DR: I keep falling for toxic women, particularly ENFJs, and I'm not as attracted to healthier, more balanced women. Seeking insights into why this happens and advice on avoiding limerence towards the wrong people. Have you experienced this with ENFJs? What psychological causes might underlie this behavior? Any techniques, habits, or books to recommend?
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"). These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.
Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.
submitted by Mono_Amarillo to mbti [link] [comments]
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"). These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.
Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.
- Have you ever experienced this before (more specifically with ENFJs) and in a recurrent manner
- What do you think are the underlying ultimate psychological causes of this kind of unhealthy behaviour?
- Which techniques, methods, habits have worked for you to avoid becoming limerent towards the wrong person?
- Any books you think are worth recommending (preferably something practical and prescriptive, I already read Love and Limerence, but it was eminently descriptive)?
Conditions to Fall in Love
I've identified these characteristics in all the women I've considered as potential soulmates.- Attraction towards Fe-proficient individuals. I'm not sure if this is the case for all INTPs. I don't remember having such a liking for xNFJs when I was younger; it seems to have begun after I started treating Extraverted Feeling as an area I really need to improve. I like when people show (an exaggerated) interest in my pastimes and ideas or when they put my needs first (e.g. pouring water in your glass first during a dinner). And I guess it makes sense. In Projection and Personality we can read that we can "idealize the opposite attitude, especially in the opposite sex, making partnerships in order that the partner will play a complementary role for us. Jung commented that this was fairly frequent in marriage and even necessary, but such idealizing biases are just as deluded as the negative biases. Each “attitude-type” projects attributes onto the other that are not rightly his or hers", and that the use of the inferior function can lead one to become "addicted to or infatuated by activities or individuals associated with the function." Personality Cafe's user Entropic wrote an interesting comment about this as well.
- Attraction towards Ni-Se Axis Users. Despite what Socionics proposes, I've never found our duals (ESFJs) attractive at all. Notwithstanding their command of Fe, they appear to me as shallow, uninteresting, and simple-minded (no offense intended, I'm just stating what I perceive). The same for ISFJs; in the last weeks I ran into a very beautiful ISFJ girl a few times, and despite finding her very physically appealing, no infatuation could take place there because her conversation was one-sided, superficial, and ultimately, unfulfilling. On top of that, they (and people in the Si-Ne Axis in general) tend to lack a fondness for touching, which I personally find very interesting in a romantic partner.
- Importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuation does not happen with every INFJ and ENFJ I encounter. I also need to feel the urge to mix my genes together with those of the other person. I know a slightly older ENFJ girl who is a good friend of an ENTP girl friend of mine Although she displays a lot of behaviours I know I would consider attractive under different conditions, I don't find her hot enough, so the spell does not work out, and I am able to impartially see how unhinged she is.
Why Limerence Keeps Coming Back
- Immature Fi. This is a bit speculative, but I believe if I still feel limerent every so and so despite being 28 it is because of an incapacity to control and structure my own strong emotions, which is the territory of Introverted Feeling (recently, I read a biography of Madame Curie and found super relatable her affair with Paul Langevin, during which she behaved in a complete irrational manner in spite of being over her 40s). There could, of course, be non-personality-type-related reasons (which is what I'm actually trying to find out), but Fi-doms don't seem to experience this state of anxiety that frequently. I discussed this with my ISFP mother, and she admitted feeling "butterflies in her belly" only once in her lifetime, when she was in high school. Never again felt that way, not even with my ENTJ father, but that doesn't prevent her from loving him. I also discussed it with an INFP colleague, and he also said that maybe he felt this way when he was a teenager but has never felt it in his adult relationships. To me that could point to an ability present in Fi-doms to quickly and intuitively learn how to self-adjust in certain situations that caused internal distress in the past. What makes me believe this could be true is that I know that, for example, ENFJs can also fall in love hard and can get depressed after a breakup. Another ENFJ friend of my ENTP girl friend broke up recently with a long-term partner and she seems to have been suffering from melancholy and a sentiment of meaninglessness and loss of direction. She said she has always believed that you need to feel infatuated to love someone, and I believe ENFJs also have Fi in a critical spot.
The Women I Have Fallen in Love With
I want to describe four women I've gotten to know well and who ended up being quite crazy despite having initially awaken very strong feelings in me. I hope to show with that that I'm not the problem and that there is a grounded pattern that involves different types of women that only share their psychological type. I also got infatuated with 2 other ENFJ women, but that was temporarily (after sleeping with one, and after seeing the other in a few social gatherings) and couldn't know them on a deeper level. And I pursued an ENFP an ESFP as well (which, in their way, are also quite proficient with Fe). I'm not including them because the ENFP, although she is very toxic, I met her first online and couldn't see the whole picture, and the ESFP is in fact a decent human being, and we are still friends.- My ENFJ supervisor (+40). She looked quite well despite her age, and I found interesting the fact that she was independent and presumably hard-working. Thought intensely about her for a month. Then I knew she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with one of my best friends, and then lied to the boyfriend to make him believe it was my friend who was obsessed with her, and manipulated my friend to support her version. Then, when the boyfriend knew the truth, she accused him of being responsible for the situation. She also dated a guy from a LatAm country when she was younger, made him accompany her to her home country in Europe, and asked him to leave because she was bored of him after a month.
- The INFJ who texted me through Instagram (28). She saw me on Tinder, but she is 2 years older, so she didn't appear to me because of the age filter. Then replied to one of my stories. First, she told me she didn't like me because I was too young (she knew that from the beginning). Then, after making out, she didn't want to have a relationship because she said the chances of me leaving the country were too high, and in the end, she would leave the country herself a few months later to pursue a degree that has nothing to do with her original studies.
- The sociopathic ENFJ colleague (31). Met her in a bar and talked for 2 hours; everything fine. A few weeks later, we go to a dinner with other people. After I suggest that all Ethiopian dishes taste the same and after saying that if someone is Hispanic and has a Chinese surname, it is very likely that they are Peruvian, she exhorts me to keep my biases at home, accuses me of breaking social harmony and basically implies in an incredibly aggressive manner that I say racist things. I had to take a 10-minute walk to calm down after that. We were supposed to talk privately so I could explain her why I didn't like that moment, but then she decides a week later to expel me from a work-related group chat without giving any explanation. Never talked again after that.
- The ENFJ without clear ideas (24). Met her a few times through mutual friends and she seemed interested, but then I was told she was in a long-distance relationship. I decided not to pursue her because of that, but even though I knew the fact that she had not mentioned her boyfriend for 6 months was a HUGE red flag, I found her super interesting. Confessed my feelings to her and asked her to tell me if I had 0 chances so I could move on; her reply: "you should act as if you had 0 chances." Went on 2 more dates, but then she got incredibly emotional because of a discussion we had on nature vs. nurture stuff (it had been quite amusing for me, only realized she was triggered when her hands started literally shaking), sent me the longest text message I ever received in my life describing me as a soulless monster, and asked me for "time, space and boundaries" before we could meet again. Didn't hear about her in almost 2 months, then she apologized and proposed to meet again, but that never materialized.
2024.05.16 21:04 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
2024.05.16 21:03 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to AvoidantBreakUps [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
2024.05.16 21:02 Accomplished-Map5007 I'm at my wit's end with my destructive kitty
I am at my wit's end with one of my cats. We have an almost 4 year old named Teddy and a 2 year old named Nala. For context, we got Teddy about 2+ years ago from a coworker of my gf's who was about to get in trouble with her apartment for having 6 pets when the max there is 2. He's a sweetheart but can be fairly destructive. After about 8-9 months, we decided to adopt Nala from a shelter, because we observed him becoming increasingly social and thought he might be lonely when he's at our apartment by himself for hours at a time. They love each other and get along great, apart from when one of them plays a bit rougher than the other would like to. Fast forward to recently, about 3 months ago my parents asked me if I would like their couches as they were moving out of the house I grew up in and downsizing.
I gladly accepted as the couches we owned were their last scruffy old hand-me-downs, and these couches held significant sentimental value to me. They are significantly nicer, faux-leather, pet-friendly, nice, heavy couches. Well when we got junkers into our apartment to take away the old ratty couch, we found out that Teddy had slashed a huge hole in the bottom fabric of the couch and was using it like a damn bird's nest. For obvious reasons, this greatly concerned me. When we received the new couches, I went out and bought a brand new vertical scratching pole, put it beside the new couch, and we littered our apartment floor with the horizontal scratcher pads so the kitties would have plenty of alternatives besides our brand new (to us) couches. We even gave them treats every time they utilized the vertical scratcher to further incentivize its use. This worked wonders for about 2-3 months. My goal was to eventually have the free time/bandwidth/funds to take him to a professional in order to get his little claws capped so it would be impossible to eviscerate my more precious belongings.
Well joke's on me, today I turned the new couch over and found the biggest hole he has already torn out of the bottom in order to hide inside the structure. To say I'm exhausted and over it is such an understatement. In my mind, I did every single conceivable thing I could to deter him from giving my nice couch the same treatment the last ratty one received. I accomplished nothing. I need help, I need advice. I don't have the free time nor the bandwidth to play Under-The-Couch Cop with this 4 year-old cat, and tbch, I shouldn't have to. Nala has never had this problem and she would never. I spent real money on the alternatives, real money on the treats to incentivize them to use them. In Nala's case, it was a huge success. In Teddy's, almost as bad a failure as if I did nothing at all to mitigate this risk. At this point, even though I love him dearly, I'm starting to consider getting rid of Teddy. I hate the idea of not being able to own anything I don't want to get torn to pieces for the next 10 years, and there being nothing I can do about it as this cat has made it clear none of my considerable efforts to appease him in other ways besides eviscerating my expensive couch were/are enough for him. I don't know what to do, and my patience is gone.
submitted by Accomplished-Map5007 to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
I gladly accepted as the couches we owned were their last scruffy old hand-me-downs, and these couches held significant sentimental value to me. They are significantly nicer, faux-leather, pet-friendly, nice, heavy couches. Well when we got junkers into our apartment to take away the old ratty couch, we found out that Teddy had slashed a huge hole in the bottom fabric of the couch and was using it like a damn bird's nest. For obvious reasons, this greatly concerned me. When we received the new couches, I went out and bought a brand new vertical scratching pole, put it beside the new couch, and we littered our apartment floor with the horizontal scratcher pads so the kitties would have plenty of alternatives besides our brand new (to us) couches. We even gave them treats every time they utilized the vertical scratcher to further incentivize its use. This worked wonders for about 2-3 months. My goal was to eventually have the free time/bandwidth/funds to take him to a professional in order to get his little claws capped so it would be impossible to eviscerate my more precious belongings.
Well joke's on me, today I turned the new couch over and found the biggest hole he has already torn out of the bottom in order to hide inside the structure. To say I'm exhausted and over it is such an understatement. In my mind, I did every single conceivable thing I could to deter him from giving my nice couch the same treatment the last ratty one received. I accomplished nothing. I need help, I need advice. I don't have the free time nor the bandwidth to play Under-The-Couch Cop with this 4 year-old cat, and tbch, I shouldn't have to. Nala has never had this problem and she would never. I spent real money on the alternatives, real money on the treats to incentivize them to use them. In Nala's case, it was a huge success. In Teddy's, almost as bad a failure as if I did nothing at all to mitigate this risk. At this point, even though I love him dearly, I'm starting to consider getting rid of Teddy. I hate the idea of not being able to own anything I don't want to get torn to pieces for the next 10 years, and there being nothing I can do about it as this cat has made it clear none of my considerable efforts to appease him in other ways besides eviscerating my expensive couch were/are enough for him. I don't know what to do, and my patience is gone.
2024.05.16 21:02 ArtistsResist Gen AI in Music: Insights from a Year of Pro-Artist Advocacy
This is in response to a couple of posts from the past week regarding generative AI but long and late enough I figured a separate post makes sense.
I'm a songwritemusic producer who has been pretty deeply involved in these conversations for the past year. Below are insights I've gleaned. You can also join me at artistsresist.org where you will find my more or less monthly articles on generative AI and techsploitation. You can subscribe for free or (if you’re able to and want to support this work) support Artists Resisting Exploitation (ARE) at various tiers.
That said, we don’t actually need a single leader. The scope and reach of Big Tech is so great that no single person can seriously take this issue on and win. Moreover, elected officials like Senator Chuck Schumer have too much of a vested interest in our failure (including too many personal ties to Big Tech). Therefore, despite the fact that most people think stealing from artists to train generative AI on copyrighted work is wrong, the government continues to delay real regulation and to cater to Silicon Valley and Wall Street (fintech).
What’s working, nonetheless, are the efforts of and solidarity between many artists, including visual artists affiliated with the Concept Art Association and Create Don’t Scrape, writers with the Authors Guild, well-known musicians with the Artists Right Alliance, the Recording Academy, the Human Artistry Campaign, and (I like to think) the very grassroots work of Artists Resisting Exploitation (ARE). All of these groups fight for artists’ copyrights.
Note that there are groups like Fight for the Future (which is affiliated with Union of Musicians and Allied Workers (UMAW)), which are actively anti-copyrights but not always upfront about this. (Creative Commons and Electronic Frontier Foundation are also anti-copyrights and have aligned with Big Tech corporations’ “fair use” defense of scraping copyrighted work to train generative AI models.) However, for self-serving reasons, these anti-copyrights organizations are the groups academia (full of pro-scraping, Big Tech-funded researchers), the government, and tech policy groups and think tanks often turn to for “artists’ perspectives.”
In general, I suggest avoiding AI bros and focusing on uniting with likeminded artists. I think this is a better use of time and has more of an impact than attempting to convince those who put profits over people, including those who are paid to promote generative AI, invested in generative AI stocks, or employed by exploitative gen AI companies, to do what is right.
I firmly believe that if the vast majority of artists, who tend to care about protecting copyrights, band together, we can and will get through this. Popular generative AI models could not exist without us. In essence, these corporations and their users are dependent on us. But oppressors have historically (and possibly as a defense mechanism) long disrespected and despised those they’ve exploited. This is no different. Still, they only win if we give them our power by being complacent. I personally love art and artists too much to stand by while something that is so precious to my existence and to that of humanity is grossly devalued. No art form that can be digitized, however unique or innovative, is safe. Groundbreaking work that an artist has devoted years to creating can be pilfered, increasingly, in a matter of minutes.
We need solidarity between artists of all disciplines. For musicians, this means not using AI models that were created by exploiting visual artists (for example, for album art), writers, voice actors, etc. Fairly Trained has ethically created alternatives, and we should use those if we use gen AI at all. We also need to consider ways we, like visual artists, can poison models by supporting the development of tools similar to Glaze and Nightshade.
In the short term, we must speak up on social media, leave comments on articles and videos, and (most importantly) contact elected officials. In-person advocacy is especially effective. You can find your state arts advocacy group and get involved by meeting with or, if that’s not possible, calling or emailing your local and state elected officials. For Californians, these would be Californians for the Arts and its lobbying arm California Arts Advocates. In April, ARE joined other arts groups in meeting with the offices of seven elected officials in Sacramento. Remember, elected officials want to be re-elected.
Californians for the Arts’ and California Art Advocates’ rallying cry this year is #ArtWorkIsRealWork. Spread the word and post this everywhere, please. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make a living from work that you love and that you have devoted years to studying. Moreover, the fact that AI companies need and profit from your work is evidence of its value. There is something wrong with seeking to profit from another human being’s nonconsensual, unpaid, and (therefore) coerced labor.
Again, although there are advocacy groups, this is an all-hands-on-deck moment. Fighting Big Tech corporations that have seemingly unlimited wealth to throw at corrupt government officials all over the world—much of it, ironically, gleaned through exploiting artists—is exhausting extra work nobody asked for. They hope we will tire of it and give up. Those at the forefront of this struggle need to know that there are others who can take the baton when we need a break. I think I can safely say nearly all artists doing advocacy work on this issue would rather be making art. But we see a world in which that will be, increasingly, difficult as our works are stolen to line the pockets of the wealthy and then used against us to force us out of creative industries. So, if you love your art and art, in general, please do your part.
submitted by ArtistsResist to musicians [link] [comments]
I'm a songwritemusic producer who has been pretty deeply involved in these conversations for the past year. Below are insights I've gleaned. You can also join me at artistsresist.org where you will find my more or less monthly articles on generative AI and techsploitation. You can subscribe for free or (if you’re able to and want to support this work) support Artists Resisting Exploitation (ARE) at various tiers.
That said, we don’t actually need a single leader. The scope and reach of Big Tech is so great that no single person can seriously take this issue on and win. Moreover, elected officials like Senator Chuck Schumer have too much of a vested interest in our failure (including too many personal ties to Big Tech). Therefore, despite the fact that most people think stealing from artists to train generative AI on copyrighted work is wrong, the government continues to delay real regulation and to cater to Silicon Valley and Wall Street (fintech).
What’s working, nonetheless, are the efforts of and solidarity between many artists, including visual artists affiliated with the Concept Art Association and Create Don’t Scrape, writers with the Authors Guild, well-known musicians with the Artists Right Alliance, the Recording Academy, the Human Artistry Campaign, and (I like to think) the very grassroots work of Artists Resisting Exploitation (ARE). All of these groups fight for artists’ copyrights.
Note that there are groups like Fight for the Future (which is affiliated with Union of Musicians and Allied Workers (UMAW)), which are actively anti-copyrights but not always upfront about this. (Creative Commons and Electronic Frontier Foundation are also anti-copyrights and have aligned with Big Tech corporations’ “fair use” defense of scraping copyrighted work to train generative AI models.) However, for self-serving reasons, these anti-copyrights organizations are the groups academia (full of pro-scraping, Big Tech-funded researchers), the government, and tech policy groups and think tanks often turn to for “artists’ perspectives.”
In general, I suggest avoiding AI bros and focusing on uniting with likeminded artists. I think this is a better use of time and has more of an impact than attempting to convince those who put profits over people, including those who are paid to promote generative AI, invested in generative AI stocks, or employed by exploitative gen AI companies, to do what is right.
I firmly believe that if the vast majority of artists, who tend to care about protecting copyrights, band together, we can and will get through this. Popular generative AI models could not exist without us. In essence, these corporations and their users are dependent on us. But oppressors have historically (and possibly as a defense mechanism) long disrespected and despised those they’ve exploited. This is no different. Still, they only win if we give them our power by being complacent. I personally love art and artists too much to stand by while something that is so precious to my existence and to that of humanity is grossly devalued. No art form that can be digitized, however unique or innovative, is safe. Groundbreaking work that an artist has devoted years to creating can be pilfered, increasingly, in a matter of minutes.
We need solidarity between artists of all disciplines. For musicians, this means not using AI models that were created by exploiting visual artists (for example, for album art), writers, voice actors, etc. Fairly Trained has ethically created alternatives, and we should use those if we use gen AI at all. We also need to consider ways we, like visual artists, can poison models by supporting the development of tools similar to Glaze and Nightshade.
In the short term, we must speak up on social media, leave comments on articles and videos, and (most importantly) contact elected officials. In-person advocacy is especially effective. You can find your state arts advocacy group and get involved by meeting with or, if that’s not possible, calling or emailing your local and state elected officials. For Californians, these would be Californians for the Arts and its lobbying arm California Arts Advocates. In April, ARE joined other arts groups in meeting with the offices of seven elected officials in Sacramento. Remember, elected officials want to be re-elected.
Californians for the Arts’ and California Art Advocates’ rallying cry this year is #ArtWorkIsRealWork. Spread the word and post this everywhere, please. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make a living from work that you love and that you have devoted years to studying. Moreover, the fact that AI companies need and profit from your work is evidence of its value. There is something wrong with seeking to profit from another human being’s nonconsensual, unpaid, and (therefore) coerced labor.
Again, although there are advocacy groups, this is an all-hands-on-deck moment. Fighting Big Tech corporations that have seemingly unlimited wealth to throw at corrupt government officials all over the world—much of it, ironically, gleaned through exploiting artists—is exhausting extra work nobody asked for. They hope we will tire of it and give up. Those at the forefront of this struggle need to know that there are others who can take the baton when we need a break. I think I can safely say nearly all artists doing advocacy work on this issue would rather be making art. But we see a world in which that will be, increasingly, difficult as our works are stolen to line the pockets of the wealthy and then used against us to force us out of creative industries. So, if you love your art and art, in general, please do your part.
2024.05.16 21:01 JoelCanon [JB CM SEPT ß-4/10] Septenary 'Fundamentals Extended 1.2'
[JB CM SEPT ß-1/10] Septenary REDDIT
[JB CM SEPT ß-2/10] Septenary 'Fundamentals’ REDDIT
[JB CM SEPT ß-3/10] Septenary 'Fundamentals Extended 1.1’ REDDIT
CM Septenary DRIVE
Hello and good day to all the fine people of worldbuilding. This is day 4 post 4 of my 10 part series of the release of ‘Septenary’, a creative tool from the project ‘Canon Mode.’ I’m not in a great mood right now because I’m begrudgingly writing this again after a couple days ago when after spending an hour writing this post it got lost in the ether when I tried posting it. F!@# my life. Well whatever doesn’t kill you makes you brighter no one says. So if this post is a little lackluster that’s the excuse I’m using.
And actually on that note, how is everyone actually doing, actually? I’m asking because I haven’t had any feedback on any of these posts yet. I’ve been getting upvotes, which means that at least some of you are liking the posts but that’s all I got. So if anyone’s got the time I’d be really interested in hearing what you guys have to say. I’m not just talking positive feedback or constructive criticism I literally want to know anything you think about it. Basically everything I work on has a reason it was chosen to be made that way, so even something as simple as “the term you used in that one your groups sounds weird” might have a bigger impact than you think because those are the types of things I ultimately take account of.
CM SEPT 2 Fundamentals Extended 1.2 SHEET COLOR
CM SEPT 2 Fundamentals Extended 1.2 SHEET GRAYSCALE
Today we’ll be looking at the ‘Attributes’ group of the ‘Fundamentals’ septenary. This group was originally created with the intent of aiding with character design. The issue when trying to create such a group was that it’s impossible to create a list of all the different types of species and beings that exist. So instead of trying to make a giant list it was instead easier to create a more basic list of things that can then go on to further define the features of something else.
(ATTRIBUTES)
The term ‘Attributes’ was chosen specifically when making this group because the advantage of focusing on just the attributes of certain things means that this entire group is not just applicable to character creation but as well anything else that might have defining features of some sort. To start customizing and giving attributes to things it’s first needed to have something one is wanting to customize. A character, a house, a car, an outfit, a smartphone, or anything else really that’s either tangible or physical can be given any of these attributes.
{MYSTICAL}
The mystical subgroup describes things related to God, spirituality, or the supernatural. Things like halos and wings, horns and pointed tails, clouds and heavenliness, fire and brimstone, religious figures and symbols are all things that might be considered mystical in nature. If one were to take into account ‘Biblically accurate angels’ then we might see giant floating dismembered body parts as mystical attributes as well. Generally speaking though anything that could be considered magical might be something that could be described as having mystical attributes.
{EXTRATERRESTRIAL}
The word ‘extraterrestrial’ was chosen over the word ‘alien’ specifically because of the implication of each word. Extraterrestrial describes things whose origin exists outside of Earth or whatever planet is being discussed. Alien on the other hand only implies that something is foreign to whatever is being described. The difference being is that something that’s extraterrestrial has a completely different origin than something that’s from Earth or a particular planet. The term alien on the other hand doesn’t necessarily describe this, as something that is alien could be foreign but still be of the same origin. That is to say something alien can still be related to the thing being described while something extraterrestrial has no relation to what’s being described.
{MYTHICAL}
The word ‘Mechanical’ was also chosen over the words ‘cyborg’ or ‘robot’ because they were too limiting otherwise. Cyborg and robot are terms which only describe mechanical beings, not necessarily anything else that might be mechanical. You could have a mechanical bird, or maybe mechanical food, or even a mechanical tree. Anything could be mechanical really if one has enough motivation, inspiration and determination.
{MYTHICAL}
When first creating the ‘Mythical’ subgroup it was in an attempt to create a complete list of every mythical being. The problem? That’s impossible, because there are an infinite amount of beings that are already either well established or could be created otherwise. Some of the common ones might be elves, fairies, werewolves, undead, giants, warlocks/wizards/witches, ghosts/spirits, orcs/trolls, dwarves/gnomes, and many many more.
{NATURALISTIC}
The word ‘naturalistic’ was chosen for this subgroup specifically so it could include both forest people and furry people. Walking, talking plants, trees, and animals were the inspiration for this subgroup, basically anything that’s found in a forest could apply. There are a lot of other things that could also be considered naturalistic too though. Rocks, water features, dirt/sand, or anything else really that relates to nature.
{OBJECTIFIED}
Unlike most of the subgroups in the Attributes group, ‘Objectified’ is not a well established idea such as the others. The idea with the objectified subgroup was for it to describe in particular living inanimate beings. Features of objectified things might include blank or missing features, ultra rounded or sharply edged parts, ridged or impossible statures, or exaggerated and unreal characteristics. Really anything that looks like an object could be considered as part of the ‘Objectified’ subgroup.
{SPECTRAL}
This last group is a bit more tricky because the typical defining feature of spectres is that they’re transparent or invisible. That doesn’t leave much room to work with. Other ideas for spectral attributes might include auras, glowingness, dull flat colors and shading, soft edges, broken or damaged parts, wisps, and in general anything ethereal or spirit-like in nature. While not always possible, another feature of spectral things is that they float. They are also typically intangible, meaning they can pass through physical things. The unfortunate difficulty when describing something spectral is that many of the things that could be described this way depend on context and might be situational.
Generally speaking though it could be said that things that are spectral exist on a spectrum. This is because the definition of spectral is ‘of a spectrum.’ It’s not exactly clear what that actually means, but it could be seen as a starting point or inspiration
{Conclusion}
Usually I try to end with something insightful or profound but for this post I just don’t have it. I’m not necessarily upset over the time I spent and lost over the prior version of this post that I was working on as much as it is very upsetting that I lost the specific work I wrote. While I’m pretty sure I still covered the important ideas for this installment there still were a few very specific things that I wrote that I’ll never remember. I think the worst part about rewriting this post wasn’t that I necessarily couldn’t remember everything I wanted to say, it’s just that the inspiration to write it was gone. The quality of this post as a result really plummeted because of the fact that I was already aware of everything I wrote and no longer had that initial inspiration.
I think if I were to end on any note this time I’d say I think it’s interesting the progression from when I first came up with this idea to how it turned out. It started with me trying to list literally every type of entity or being someone might want to make into a character. Then it turned into trying to make a group of base characteristics which could then go on to define an already existent being. And it was only later that I came to the conclusion that it was possible to make the group more general by calling it attributes which opens it up to it being able to describe pretty much anything that has defining features of some sort. I think being aware of that progression has been a very valuable learning experience for me because it explores further these sort of all-encompassing ideas.
That’s all for this post. Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful day!
submitted by JoelCanon to worldbuilding [link] [comments]
[JB CM SEPT ß-2/10] Septenary 'Fundamentals’ REDDIT
[JB CM SEPT ß-3/10] Septenary 'Fundamentals Extended 1.1’ REDDIT
CM Septenary DRIVE
Hello and good day to all the fine people of worldbuilding. This is day 4 post 4 of my 10 part series of the release of ‘Septenary’, a creative tool from the project ‘Canon Mode.’ I’m not in a great mood right now because I’m begrudgingly writing this again after a couple days ago when after spending an hour writing this post it got lost in the ether when I tried posting it. F!@# my life. Well whatever doesn’t kill you makes you brighter no one says. So if this post is a little lackluster that’s the excuse I’m using.
And actually on that note, how is everyone actually doing, actually? I’m asking because I haven’t had any feedback on any of these posts yet. I’ve been getting upvotes, which means that at least some of you are liking the posts but that’s all I got. So if anyone’s got the time I’d be really interested in hearing what you guys have to say. I’m not just talking positive feedback or constructive criticism I literally want to know anything you think about it. Basically everything I work on has a reason it was chosen to be made that way, so even something as simple as “the term you used in that one your groups sounds weird” might have a bigger impact than you think because those are the types of things I ultimately take account of.
CM SEPT 2 Fundamentals Extended 1.2 SHEET COLOR
CM SEPT 2 Fundamentals Extended 1.2 SHEET GRAYSCALE
Today we’ll be looking at the ‘Attributes’ group of the ‘Fundamentals’ septenary. This group was originally created with the intent of aiding with character design. The issue when trying to create such a group was that it’s impossible to create a list of all the different types of species and beings that exist. So instead of trying to make a giant list it was instead easier to create a more basic list of things that can then go on to further define the features of something else.
(ATTRIBUTES)
The term ‘Attributes’ was chosen specifically when making this group because the advantage of focusing on just the attributes of certain things means that this entire group is not just applicable to character creation but as well anything else that might have defining features of some sort. To start customizing and giving attributes to things it’s first needed to have something one is wanting to customize. A character, a house, a car, an outfit, a smartphone, or anything else really that’s either tangible or physical can be given any of these attributes.
{MYSTICAL}
The mystical subgroup describes things related to God, spirituality, or the supernatural. Things like halos and wings, horns and pointed tails, clouds and heavenliness, fire and brimstone, religious figures and symbols are all things that might be considered mystical in nature. If one were to take into account ‘Biblically accurate angels’ then we might see giant floating dismembered body parts as mystical attributes as well. Generally speaking though anything that could be considered magical might be something that could be described as having mystical attributes.
{EXTRATERRESTRIAL}
The word ‘extraterrestrial’ was chosen over the word ‘alien’ specifically because of the implication of each word. Extraterrestrial describes things whose origin exists outside of Earth or whatever planet is being discussed. Alien on the other hand only implies that something is foreign to whatever is being described. The difference being is that something that’s extraterrestrial has a completely different origin than something that’s from Earth or a particular planet. The term alien on the other hand doesn’t necessarily describe this, as something that is alien could be foreign but still be of the same origin. That is to say something alien can still be related to the thing being described while something extraterrestrial has no relation to what’s being described.
{MYTHICAL}
The word ‘Mechanical’ was also chosen over the words ‘cyborg’ or ‘robot’ because they were too limiting otherwise. Cyborg and robot are terms which only describe mechanical beings, not necessarily anything else that might be mechanical. You could have a mechanical bird, or maybe mechanical food, or even a mechanical tree. Anything could be mechanical really if one has enough motivation, inspiration and determination.
{MYTHICAL}
When first creating the ‘Mythical’ subgroup it was in an attempt to create a complete list of every mythical being. The problem? That’s impossible, because there are an infinite amount of beings that are already either well established or could be created otherwise. Some of the common ones might be elves, fairies, werewolves, undead, giants, warlocks/wizards/witches, ghosts/spirits, orcs/trolls, dwarves/gnomes, and many many more.
{NATURALISTIC}
The word ‘naturalistic’ was chosen for this subgroup specifically so it could include both forest people and furry people. Walking, talking plants, trees, and animals were the inspiration for this subgroup, basically anything that’s found in a forest could apply. There are a lot of other things that could also be considered naturalistic too though. Rocks, water features, dirt/sand, or anything else really that relates to nature.
{OBJECTIFIED}
Unlike most of the subgroups in the Attributes group, ‘Objectified’ is not a well established idea such as the others. The idea with the objectified subgroup was for it to describe in particular living inanimate beings. Features of objectified things might include blank or missing features, ultra rounded or sharply edged parts, ridged or impossible statures, or exaggerated and unreal characteristics. Really anything that looks like an object could be considered as part of the ‘Objectified’ subgroup.
{SPECTRAL}
This last group is a bit more tricky because the typical defining feature of spectres is that they’re transparent or invisible. That doesn’t leave much room to work with. Other ideas for spectral attributes might include auras, glowingness, dull flat colors and shading, soft edges, broken or damaged parts, wisps, and in general anything ethereal or spirit-like in nature. While not always possible, another feature of spectral things is that they float. They are also typically intangible, meaning they can pass through physical things. The unfortunate difficulty when describing something spectral is that many of the things that could be described this way depend on context and might be situational.
Generally speaking though it could be said that things that are spectral exist on a spectrum. This is because the definition of spectral is ‘of a spectrum.’ It’s not exactly clear what that actually means, but it could be seen as a starting point or inspiration
{Conclusion}
Usually I try to end with something insightful or profound but for this post I just don’t have it. I’m not necessarily upset over the time I spent and lost over the prior version of this post that I was working on as much as it is very upsetting that I lost the specific work I wrote. While I’m pretty sure I still covered the important ideas for this installment there still were a few very specific things that I wrote that I’ll never remember. I think the worst part about rewriting this post wasn’t that I necessarily couldn’t remember everything I wanted to say, it’s just that the inspiration to write it was gone. The quality of this post as a result really plummeted because of the fact that I was already aware of everything I wrote and no longer had that initial inspiration.
I think if I were to end on any note this time I’d say I think it’s interesting the progression from when I first came up with this idea to how it turned out. It started with me trying to list literally every type of entity or being someone might want to make into a character. Then it turned into trying to make a group of base characteristics which could then go on to define an already existent being. And it was only later that I came to the conclusion that it was possible to make the group more general by calling it attributes which opens it up to it being able to describe pretty much anything that has defining features of some sort. I think being aware of that progression has been a very valuable learning experience for me because it explores further these sort of all-encompassing ideas.
That’s all for this post. Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful day!
2024.05.16 21:00 TheDeepestCloset First Panic Attack.
I (25m) have never really done anything meaningful with my life so a few months ago I decided to sign up with my local volunteer fire department and will be starting Fire 1 in a few months. In the mean time I’ve just been riding with the ambulance to do lift assists (lifting obese and elderly patients) and running hoses during structure fires. Last week I had my first chance to wear my SCBA (the respiratogas mask) during a training scenario where they filled a house with smoke and heat fans and had us crawl around in teams to locate and extract a dummy.
For whatever reason they had me take point and I couldn’t bring myself to say no so the stress started to set in before we even went inside. Once inside, crawling on my hands and knees in 40 lbs of equipment, sweating like I’d just run a marathon, beating the ground with a Halligan tool and pulling a loaded hose, I was completely gassed within 10 minutes. I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying and then dropped the hose line. I got spun around immediately, couldn’t find the hose line, and couldn’t even see my hand on my mask. Couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, and then I started to hyperventilate (which I’ve never experienced before) and no one could find me. I was convinced I couldn’t breathe and completely flipped out.
Eventually someone on the radio called out that they lost me and I just sprint crawled out of house and threw off all my gear (how I got out, I had no clue). It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life and I’m still really hung up on it. No one was pissed at me or anything and the chiefs were pretty supportive but I can’t shake the feeling that I might be too much of a coward to actually do this.
I want to do this more than anything but the doubt has really been eating at me. Any advice or coping mechanisms would be greatly appreciated.
EDIT; I work a full time job with mandatory overtime and volunteering so I just don’t have any time in my schedule to do CBT, even though I think it could be greatly beneficial
submitted by TheDeepestCloset to Stress [link] [comments]
For whatever reason they had me take point and I couldn’t bring myself to say no so the stress started to set in before we even went inside. Once inside, crawling on my hands and knees in 40 lbs of equipment, sweating like I’d just run a marathon, beating the ground with a Halligan tool and pulling a loaded hose, I was completely gassed within 10 minutes. I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying and then dropped the hose line. I got spun around immediately, couldn’t find the hose line, and couldn’t even see my hand on my mask. Couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, and then I started to hyperventilate (which I’ve never experienced before) and no one could find me. I was convinced I couldn’t breathe and completely flipped out.
Eventually someone on the radio called out that they lost me and I just sprint crawled out of house and threw off all my gear (how I got out, I had no clue). It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life and I’m still really hung up on it. No one was pissed at me or anything and the chiefs were pretty supportive but I can’t shake the feeling that I might be too much of a coward to actually do this.
I want to do this more than anything but the doubt has really been eating at me. Any advice or coping mechanisms would be greatly appreciated.
EDIT; I work a full time job with mandatory overtime and volunteering so I just don’t have any time in my schedule to do CBT, even though I think it could be greatly beneficial
2024.05.16 21:00 Synixe [A3][Recruiting][EU/NA/SA][Semi-milsim][18+]- Synixe Contractors - PMC - Persistent Gear - Manage your own kit
![[A3][Recruiting][EU/NA/SA][Semi-milsim][18+]- Synixe Contractors - PMC - Persistent Gear - Manage your own kit](https://external-preview.redd.it/G369Bsb-v5YiwNvKUIc_pJDYWjB01gPN-dHXsFJovJg.jpg?width=320&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=b54ef8e7ce0e56a4b1bc88f0c71e18634f9100ae "[A3][Recruiting][EU/NA/SA][Semi-milsim][18+]- Synixe Contractors - PMC - Persistent Gear - Manage your own kit") | Join Our Discord submitted by Synixe to FindAUnit [link] [comments] Read More & Apply on our Website Contractors tend to a wounded member while holding security Who are we? Synixe Contractors is a PMC unit composed of mature mil-sim operators who pride themselves in the execution of operations on the ground. All our contracts are handmade, and during missions we stay on point, crack some jokes, have fun and get the job done. Outside of them we are a laidback and friendly group to be around, we hang out in our Discord and even participate in other games as a group and in general just enjoy chatting with each other. Contractors brief for a contract What sets us apart:
What we ask of you:
Contract times: We have several players that mainly attend only one of the two times.
If you have any questions: Join Our Discord Read More & Apply on our Website We hope to see you in-game soon! |
2024.05.16 21:00 dani26795 [FIFA 07] World Wide League 07 Week 3 Day 3 (15th-13th Divisions)
Following the previous post here’s a recap of the 3rd day from the 3rd week of the "World Wide League 07" project (full playlist of it can be found here).
Some notes:
You can find descriptions of each division as well as the teams participating in them on the Week 1 posts previously submitted in this subreddit.
Every time you see a team with their name in bold, it's a team of which every match will be recorded.
For ordering the leaderboard table, I simply use whatever the game displays (when there are full ties, it simply orders the teams at random) and then do some correlation since once the week of matches is done, the first match of the next week happens automatically offscreen.
WEEK 3 DAY 3
15th Division (Morning)
The results of the 12 matches from this division’s 3rd week were the following:
Now for a short description of the 8 recorded matches and their facts (stats and events):
Match 2: Rot-Weiss Essen vs AIK Solna
Home team created more chances but none of them were good enough to get a goal. Their opponents on the other hand made a much better use of theirs.
Match 3: Gueugnon vs Germinal Beer.
Very entertaining match that had a bit of everything happening in it. While the away team had a strong 1st half, by the end of the match both teams couldn't be separated, despite several close calls.
Match 4: KVC Westerlo vs W. Burghausen
The away team took some good opportunities and built a 2 goal gap by the middle of the 2nd half. The home team scored in a set piece but couldn't do anything more, losing a player during a desperate moment afterwards.
Match 5: Ejido vs Excelsior (NL)
The home team took the lead early with a pretty funny goal and their keeper made sure that said lead stayed there. On the 2nd half they doubled it with another silly goal to sentence the match's result.
Match 6: Bristol City vs Colchester Utd
1 goal a-piece on the 1st half, but not much else happened for the remainder of the match.
Match 7: Chivas USA vs Wisła Płock
The away team dominated the match taking good care of their chances and having a keeper making many great saves. They could even afford to concede a silly goal and still keep a comfortable lead.
Match 8: Lorca Deportiva vs Eint.Braunchweig
It was pretty even for the 1st half, but later on 2 goals in immediate succession quickly sentenced the match.
Match 9: Heracles Almelo vs Incheon United
Very eventful match. The home team took the lead early on but then were subject to a complete blowout by their opponents, even after the latter lost a player. They did manage to score a second time, but it did little to change the fate of the match.
With all that in mind, the leaderboard after this division’s 3rd week of matches is as follows:
14th Division (Afternoon)
The results of the 12 matches from this division’s 3rd week were the following:
Now for a short description of the 8 recorded matches and their facts (stats and events):
Match 2: Zagłębie Lubin vs Bursaspor
1st half had a good save early on and a super silly goal just before half-time where the away keeper decided to go buy milk or something instead of defending his goal. The 2nd half was boring until the very last play of the match, where everything went from 0 to 1000 in an instant.
Match 3: Sturm Graz vs U.D. Vecindario
Home team was in control and created the better chances throughout the match, so it's not too surprising they won comfortably enough.
Match 4: Triestina vs Castellón
A match full of action throughout. The home team made their chances count and built a 3 goal lead by the early 2nd half, then the away team was constantly on the offensive but the home defenders did a superb job and no ball went in.
Match 5: Kielce vs Amiens SCF
It took a while, but eventually a goal was finally scored, and it proved to be crucial to the final score.
Match 6: Real Madrid B vs Treviso
The early goal was vital in the end, as every other good chance in the match was wasted.
Match 7: Inverness CT vs Ulsan Horang-I
After a goalless 1st half, the 2nd half was filled with activity, with several goals, saves and a heart-stopping final stretch.
Match 8: Motherwell vs Istres
Not much happened in the match, but the only goal in it was a very well hit header.
Match 9: Lech Poznań vs Austria Magna
2 bad defensive mistakes meant the match went level at 1-1 by half-time. No more goals were scored on the 2nd half despite several attempts from both teams.
With all that in mind, the leaderboard after this division’s 3rd week of matches is as follows:
13th Division (Night)
The results of the 12 matches from this division’s 3rd week were the following:
Now for a short description of the 8 recorded matches and their facts (stats and events):
Match 2: Viborg FF vs Houston Dynamo
A match with not many chances, but the home team made good use of a few of them, mainly thanks to the away keeper doing a poor job in those occasions.
Match 3: Mantova vs Naval
Neither team managed to create many good opportunities, and the keepers were there to stop the few that went on target.
Match 4: Estrela Amadora vs QPR
The strikers were very inaccurate but the keepers did a poor job when it mattered and 3 goals were scored during the 1st half. After half-time the bad shooting continued but no more good chances were created.
Match 5: Fortaleza vs Viking
Despite all the chances the home team created, it was a mistake from their defence that caused the only goal of the match.
Match 6: Greuther Fürth vs Belenenses
The match was a nightmare for the home team, with all their mistakes being punished and all their attempts being thwarted, and the gap just kept increasing.
Match 7: FC Lyn Oslo vs Deportivo Aves
Filled with midfield sluggishness and uninspired shooting, it was a very boring match apart from the one goal that the away team miraculously managed to score eventually.
Match 8: Stoke City vs Elfsborg IF
The home team scored an early goal but their opponents quickly pulled themselves together and turned the score around, then spent the 2nd half defending their lead.
Match 9: Chonbuk Motors vs New England
A match packed with goals, the home team started strong getting a 2 goal-lead, and after their opponents scored they went for a 3rd goal. It seemed like a safe gap but the away team didn't give up and overcame it just in the nick of time.
With all that in mind, the leaderboard after this division’s 3rd week of matches is as follows:
Last but not least, here’s a highlights video of Week 3 Day 3, a compilation of the best goals, saves and fails from the 24 matches that were recorded.
Next post will be a recap of Week 3 Day 4 on Friday 24th.
submitted by dani26795 to seriousfifacareers [link] [comments]
You can find descriptions of each division as well as the teams participating in them on the Week 1 posts previously submitted in this subreddit.
Every time you see a team with their name in bold, it's a team of which every match will be recorded.
For ordering the leaderboard table, I simply use whatever the game displays (when there are full ties, it simply orders the teams at random) and then do some correlation since once the week of matches is done, the first match of the next week happens automatically offscreen.
| HOME | RESULT | AWAY |
|---|---|---|
| P. de Ferreira | 0-2 | Beveren |
| Rot-Weiss Essen | 0-2 | AIK Solna |
| Gueugnon | 2-2 | Germinal Beer. |
| KVC Westerlo | 1-2 | W. Burghausen |
| Ejido | 2-0 | Excelsior (NL) |
| Bristol City | 1-1 | Colchester Utd |
| Chivas USA | 1-3 | Wisła Płock |
| Lorca Deportiva | 1-3 | Eint.Braunschweig |
| Heracles Almelo | 2-4 | Incheon United |
| Stade de Reims | 1-0 | Vicenza |
| Sp. Rotterdam | 2-1 | SC Beira-Mar |
| FC Wacker Tirol | 1-1 | Daegu FC |
Home team created more chances but none of them were good enough to get a goal. Their opponents on the other hand made a much better use of theirs.
| Rot-Weiss Essen | Stats | AIK Solna |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 1+1=2 |
| 6+11=17 | Shots | 4+6=10 |
| 3+5=8 | On Target | 3+3=6 |
| 11+11=22 | Tackles | 19+4=23 |
| 0+1=1 | Fouls | 0+3=3 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+1=1 |
| 3+2=5 | Corners | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 1+0=1 |
| 68%->68% | Passing | 60%->63% |
| 55%->55% | Possession | 45%->45% |
| 50%->47% | Accuracy | 75%->60% |
| Rot-Weiss Essen | Events | AIK Solna |
|---|---|---|
| '30 | Goal (Hulsker) | |
| '47 | Yellow (Sandberg) | |
| Sub (Wehlage->Paulo Sérgio) | '55 | |
| '58 | Sub (Figueiredo->Burgic) | |
| '85 | Goal (Hulsker) |
Very entertaining match that had a bit of everything happening in it. While the away team had a strong 1st half, by the end of the match both teams couldn't be separated, despite several close calls.
| Gueugnon | Stats | Germinal Beer. |
|---|---|---|
| 1+1=2 | Goals | 2+0=2 |
| 8+6=14 | Shots | 7+6=13 |
| 1+2=3 | On Target | 4+4=8 |
| 14+15=29 | Tackles | 10+18=28 |
| 2+1=3 | Fouls | 2+1=3 |
| 1+0=1 | Bookings | 1+0=1 |
| 0+1=1 | Corners | 0+2=2 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 75%->76% | Passing | 73%->74% |
| 52%->53% | Possession | 48%->47% |
| 12%->21% | Accuracy | 57%->61% |
| Gueugnon | Events | Germinal Beer. |
|---|---|---|
| '6 | Goal (Sterchele) | |
| Goal (Carlier) | '30 | |
| '40 | Goal (Cavens) | |
| Yellow (Correia) | '44 | |
| '45+1 | Yellow (Sterchele) | |
| Goal (Carlier) | '56 | Sub (Cruz->Milenkovic) |
| Sub (Tsoumou->Le Frapper) | '76 |
The away team took some good opportunities and built a 2 goal gap by the middle of the 2nd half. The home team scored in a set piece but couldn't do anything more, losing a player during a desperate moment afterwards.
| KVC Westerlo | Stats | W. Burghausen |
|---|---|---|
| 0+1=1 | Goals | 1+1=2 |
| 7+6=13 | Shots | 6+6=12 |
| 2+6=8 | On Target | 3+2=5 |
| 14+14=28 | Tackles | 11+9=20 |
| 1+1=2 | Fouls | 1+1=2 |
| 0+1=1 | Bookings | 0+1=1 |
| 3+1=4 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+1=1 |
| 67%->67% | Passing | 67%->71% |
| 48%->46% | Possession | 52%->54% |
| 28%->61% | Accuracy | 50%->41% |
| KVC Westerlo | Events | W. Burghausen |
|---|---|---|
| '29 | Goal (Krejči) | |
| '58 | Sub (Hertl->Rosin) | |
| '62 | Goal (Nicu) | |
| Sub (Delen->Dirar) | '63 | |
| '71 | Yellow (Wiesinger) | |
| Goal (Van Imschoot) | '72 | |
| Red (Wagemakers) | '78 |
The home team took the lead early with a pretty funny goal and their keeper made sure that said lead stayed there. On the 2nd half they doubled it with another silly goal to sentence the match's result.
| Ejido | Stats | Excelsior (NL) |
|---|---|---|
| 1+1=2 | Goals | 0+0=0 |
| 5+7=12 | Shots | 1+4=5 |
| 2+3=5 | On Target | 0+1=1 |
| 11+13=24 | Tackles | 19+17=36 |
| 0+1=1 | Fouls | 3+0=3 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+1=1 | Corners | 0+1=1 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 0+1=1 |
| 73%->71% | Passing | 62%->66% |
| 59%->55% | Possession | 41%->45% |
| 40%->41% | Accuracy | 0%->20% |
| Ejido | Events | Excelsior (NL) |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Toedtli) | '7 | |
| '69 | Sub (Guijo-Velasco->Hertog) | |
| Sub (Ortiz->Moreno) | '72 | |
| Goal (Toedtli) | '78 |
1 goal a-piece on the 1st half, but not much else happened for the remainder of the match.
| Bristol City | Stats | Colchester Utd |
|---|---|---|
| 1+0=1 | Goals | 1+0=1 |
| 7+8=15 | Shots | 5+5=10 |
| 3+3=6 | On Target | 1+0=1 |
| 15+17=32 | Tackles | 21+16=37 |
| 0+2=2 | Fouls | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 1+2=3 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 73%->72% | Passing | 70%->72% |
| 49%->54% | Possession | 51%->46% |
| 42%->40% | Accuracy | 20%->10% |
| Bristol City | Events | Colchester Utd |
|---|---|---|
| '12 | Goal (Iwelumo) | |
| Goal (Jevons) | '36 | |
| Sub (Orr->McCombe) | '59 | Sub (Cureton->Garcia) |
The away team dominated the match taking good care of their chances and having a keeper making many great saves. They could even afford to concede a silly goal and still keep a comfortable lead.
| Chivas USA | Stats | Wisła Płock |
|---|---|---|
| 0+1=1 | Goals | 2+1=3 |
| 8+6=14 | Shots | 9+3=12 |
| 6+4=10 | On Target | 4+2=6 |
| 12+27=39 | Tackles | 12+13=25 |
| 1+0=1 | Fouls | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 2+1=3 | Corners | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 69%->72% | Passing | 74%->74% |
| 49%->49% | Possession | 51%->51% |
| 75%->71% | Accuracy | 44%->50% |
| Chivas USA | Events | Wisła Płock |
|---|---|---|
| '13 | Goal (Sobczak) | |
| '19 | Goal (Dosek) | |
| '49 | Goal (Sobczak) | |
| Sub (García->O’Brien) | '59 | |
| Goal (Palencia) | '66 | Sub (Geworgian->Grizonic) |
It was pretty even for the 1st half, but later on 2 goals in immediate succession quickly sentenced the match.
| Lorca Deportiva | Stats | Eint.Braunchweig |
|---|---|---|
| 1+0=1 | Goals | 1+2=3 |
| 6+1=7 | Shots | 8+8=16 |
| 5+0=5 | On Target | 1+3=4 |
| 12+12=24 | Tackles | 18+16=34 |
| 3+2=5 | Fouls | 1+1=2 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+1=1 | Corners | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 70%->69% | Passing | 72%->70% |
| 50%->47% | Possession | 50%->53% |
| 83%->71% | Accuracy | 12%->25% |
| Lorca Deportiva | Events | Eint.Braunchweig |
|---|---|---|
| '17 | Goal (Rische) | |
| Goal (Chando) | '36 | |
| Sub (Ramos->Iker Begoña) | '63 | |
| '70 | Goal (Koejoe) | |
| '72 | Goal (Koejoe) | |
| '80 | Sub (Kastrati->Kuru) |
Very eventful match. The home team took the lead early on but then were subject to a complete blowout by their opponents, even after the latter lost a player. They did manage to score a second time, but it did little to change the fate of the match.
| Heracles Almelo | Stats | Incheon United |
|---|---|---|
| 1+1=2 | Goals | 3+1=4 |
| 5+9=14 | Shots | 8+8=16 |
| 1+4=5 | On Target | 4+4=8 |
| 12+10=22 | Tackles | 19+10=29 |
| 2+3=5 | Fouls | 2+2=4 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 1+1=2 |
| 1+4=5 | Corners | 0+2=2 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 1+0=1 |
| 67%->70% | Passing | 66%->67% |
| 52%->54% | Possession | 48%->46% |
| 20%->35% | Accuracy | 50%->50% |
| Heracles Almelo | Events | Incheon United |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Hirayama) | '11 | |
| '14 | Goal (D. Radoncic) | |
| '23 | Goal (Bang Seung Hwan) | |
| '41 | Goal (Bang Seung Hwan) | |
| '44 | Red (Kim Chi Woo) | |
| '49 | Goal (D. Radoncic) | |
| '62 | Sub (Kim Hak Cheol->Lang Kyung Jin) | |
| Sub (de Vries-> Schilder) | '71 | |
| Goal (Hirayama) | '74 | |
| '84 | Yellow (Lim Joong Yong) |
| POS | TEAM | P | W | D | L | GF | GA | GD | PTS |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1(↑2) | Wisła Płock | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 5 | 9 |
| 2(↑3) | AIK Solna | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 9 |
| 3(↑3) | Sp. Rotterdam | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 5 | 7 |
| 4(↓3) | Colchester Utd | 3 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 5 | 7 |
| 5(↑3) | Incheon United | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 8 | 5 | 3 | 7 |
| 6(↓2) | Daegu FC | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 7 |
| 7(↑4) | Ejido | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 6 |
| 8(↓6) | Chivas USA | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 5 | 1 | 6 |
| 9(↑7) | W. Burghausen | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 6 | -2 | 6 |
| 10(↑7) | Beveren | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 4 |
| 11(↓4) | Rot-Weiss Essen | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 4 |
| 12(=) | Bristol City | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 4 |
| 13(↓4) | Lorca Deportiva | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 4 |
| 14(=) | Germinal Beer. | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 4 |
| 15(↓5) | SC Beira-Mar | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 4 | 1 | 3 |
| 16(↑3) | Eint.Braunschweig | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 3 |
| 17(↑3) | Stade de Reims | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 3 |
| 18(↓5) | P. de Ferreira | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 5 | -3 | 3 |
| 19(↓4) | Vicenza | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 6 | -4 | 3 |
| 20(↑1) | Gueugnon | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | -2 | 1 |
| 21(↓3) | Heracles Almelo | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 7 | -4 | 1 |
| 22(↑2) | FC Wacker Tirol | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 6 | -4 | 1 |
| 23(↓1) | KVC Westerlo | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 4 | -3 | 0 |
| 24(↓1) | Excelsior (NL) | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 5 | -5 | 0 |
| HOME | RESULT | AWAY |
|---|---|---|
| Kalmar | 1-2 | St Mirren |
| Zagłębie Lubin | 1-0 | Bursaspor |
| Sturm Graz | 2-0 | U.D. Vecindario |
| Triestina | 3-0 | Castellón |
| Kielce | 0-1 | Amiens SCF |
| Real Madrid B | 0-1 | Treviso |
| Inverness CT | 2-2 | Ulsan Horang-I |
| Motherwell | 0-1 | Istres |
| Lech Poznań | 1-1 | Austria Magna |
| FC Superfund | 1-0 | RKC Waalwijk |
| KSV Roeselare | 0-3 | Hércules |
| Kickers Offenb. | 0-0 | Odense Boldklu |
1st half had a good save early on and a super silly goal just before half-time where the away keeper decided to go buy milk or something instead of defending his goal. The 2nd half was boring until the very last play of the match, where everything went from 0 to 1000 in an instant.
| Zagłębie Lubin | Stats | Bursaspor |
|---|---|---|
| 1+0=1 | Goals | 0+0=0 |
| 6+2=8 | Shots | 1+5=6 |
| 2+1=3 | On Target | 0+2=2 |
| 19+17=36 | Tackles | 14+17=31 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 0+2=2 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+1=1 |
| 3+1=4 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 1+0=1 |
| 67%->65% | Passing | 72%->73% |
| 43%->45% | Possession | 53%->55% |
| 33%->37% | Accuracy | 0%->33% |
| Zagłębie Lubin | Events | Bursaspor |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Chałbiński) | '43 | |
| '47 | Yellow (Bekiroğlu) | |
| Sub (Szczypkowski->Bartczak) | '57 | |
| '70 | Sub (Acar->Alemdar) |
Home team was in control and created the better chances throughout the match, so it's not too surprising they won comfortably enough.
| Sturm Graz | Stats | U.D. Vecindario |
|---|---|---|
| 1+1=2 | Goals | 0+0=0 |
| 3+5=8 | Shots | 4+4=8 |
| 2+3=5 | On Target | 1+1=2 |
| 17+18=35 | Tackles | 10+12=22 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 1+2=3 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Corners | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 72%->72% | Passing | 71%->73% |
| 43%->44% | Possession | 57%->56% |
| 66%->62% | Accuracy | 25%->25% |
| Sturm Graz | Events | U.D. Vecindario |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Salmutter) | '24 | |
| Goal (Salmutter) | '51 | |
| Sub (Tsimba->Krammer) | '56 |
A match full of action throughout. The home team made their chances count and built a 3 goal lead by the early 2nd half, then the away team was constantly on the offensive but the home defenders did a superb job and no ball went in.
| Triestina | Stats | Castellón |
|---|---|---|
| 2+1=3 | Goals | 0+0=0 |
| 10+7=17 | Shots | 7+6=13 |
| 3+5=8 | On Target | 2+2=4 |
| 14+25=39 | Tackles | 13+12=25 |
| 3+3=6 | Fouls | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Corners | 3+4=7 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 75%->68% | Passing | 74%->71% |
| 47%->46% | Possession | 53%->54% |
| 30%->47% | Accuracy | 28%->30% |
| Triestina | Events | Castellón |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Piovaccari) | '10 | |
| Goal (Eliakwu) | '38 | |
| Goal (Eliakwu) | '60 | |
| '61 | Sub (Héctor Bosque->Marqués) | |
| Sub (Marchini->Gorgone) | '64 |
It took a while, but eventually a goal was finally scored, and it proved to be crucial to the final score.
| Kielce | Stats | Amiens SCF |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 0+1=1 |
| 5+3=8 | Shots | 0+6=6 |
| 2+1=3 | On Target | 0+2=2 |
| 18+20=38 | Tackles | 24+16=40 |
| 0+2=2 | Fouls | 1+1=2 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Corners | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 80%->76% | Passing | 60%->67% |
| 58%->54% | Possession | 42%->46% |
| 40%->37% | Accuracy | 0%->33% |
| Kielce | Events | Amiens SCF |
|---|---|---|
| '63 | Goal (Raynier) |
The early goal was vital in the end, as every other good chance in the match was wasted.
| Real Madrid B | Stats | Treviso |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 1+0=1 |
| 3+6=9 | Shots | 6+1=7 |
| 2+2=4 | On Target | 5+1=6 |
| 6+19=25 | Tackles | 17+19=36 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 65%->67% | Passing | 73%->73% |
| 55%->53% | Possession | 45%->47% |
| 66%->44% | Accuracy | 83%->85% |
| Real Madrid B | Events | Treviso |
|---|---|---|
| '6 | Goal (Fava) | |
| Sub (Palencia->Santacruz) | '51 | |
| '76 | Sub (Vascak->Anderson) |
After a goalless 1st half, the 2nd half was filled with activity, with several goals, saves and a heart-stopping final stretch.
| Inverness CT | Stats | Ulsan Horang-I |
|---|---|---|
| 0+2=2 | Goals | 0+2=2 |
| 4+7=11 | Shots | 6+7=13 |
| 1+4=5 | On Target | 3+3=6 |
| 10+12=22 | Tackles | 21+11=32 |
| 1+2=3 | Fouls | 1+0=1 |
| 0+2=2 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 1+2=3 | Corners | 2+3=5 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 66%->65% | Passing | 67%->65% |
| 49%->47% | Possession | 51%->53% |
| 25%->45% | Accuracy | 50%->46% |
| Inverness CT | Events | Ulsan Horang-I |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Wyness) | '56 | Sub (Lee Jong Min->Hwang Sun Il) |
| '70 | Goal (Vinicius) | |
| Goal (Wyness) | '74 | |
| Sub (McBain->Morgan) | '74 | |
| Yellow (Dods) | '78 | |
| '80 | Goal (Jang Sang Won) | |
| Yellow (Golabek) | '85 |
Not much happened in the match, but the only goal in it was a very well hit header.
| Motherwell | Stats | Istres |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 1+0=1 |
| 5+7=12 | Shots | 5+3=8 |
| 2+4=6 | On Target | 3+1=4 |
| 24+18=42 | Tackles | 7+18=25 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 2+2=4 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 0+1=1 |
| 73%->75% | Passing | 76%->67% |
| 51%->55% | Possession | 49%->45% |
| 40%->50% | Accuracy | 60%->50% |
| Motherwell | Events | Istres |
|---|---|---|
| '40 | Goal (Viale) | |
| '55 | Sub (Maurel->Bru) | |
| Sub (Craigan->Quinn) | '67 |
2 bad defensive mistakes meant the match went level at 1-1 by half-time. No more goals were scored on the 2nd half despite several attempts from both teams.
| Lech Poznań | Stats | Austria Magna |
|---|---|---|
| 1+0=1 | Goals | 1+0=1 |
| 6+4=10 | Shots | 5+7=12 |
| 2+1=3 | On Target | 3+1=4 |
| 14+20=34 | Tackles | 13+18=31 |
| 1+1=2 | Fouls | 0+1=1 |
| 0+1=1 | Bookings | 0+1=1 |
| 1+0=1 | Corners | 1+2=3 |
| 0+1=1 | Offsides | 3+0=3 |
| 68%->67% | Passing | 74%->70% |
| 48%->52% | Possession | 52%->48% |
| 33%->30% | Accuracy | 60%->33% |
| Lech Poznań | Events | Austria Magna |
|---|---|---|
| '25 | Goal (Wallner) | |
| Goal (Scherfchen) | '38 | |
| '55 | Yellow (Troyansky) | |
| '55 | Sub (Schicker->Mila) | |
| Sub (Wachowicz->Wilk) | '62 | |
| Yellow (Scherfchen) | '65 |
| POS | TEAM | P | W | D | L | GF | GA | GD | PTS |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1(↑1) | Amiens SCF | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 9 | 5 | 4 | 7 |
| 2(↑3) | Hércules | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 7 | 3 | 4 | 7 |
| 3(↑4) | Triestina | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 7 |
| 4(↑4) | St Mirren | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 7 |
| 5(↑4) | Istres | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 7 |
| 6(↓5) | Kalmar | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 6 |
| 7(↑7) | Treviso | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 6 |
| 8(↑5) | FC Superfund | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 6 |
| 9(↓5) | Inverness CT | 3 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 5 |
| 10(=) | Bursaspor | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 4 |
| 11(↓8) | KSV Roeselare | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 4 |
| 12(↓6) | Castellón | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 5 | -2 | 4 |
| 13(↓2) | Kielce | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 3 |
| 14(↑2) | Lech Poznań | 3 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3 |
| 15(↓3) | Motherwell | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 5 | -1 | 3 |
| 16(↑7) | Sturm Graz | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 3 |
| 17(↑5) | Zagłębie Lubin | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 3 |
| 18(↓1) | Austria Magna | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 5 | -1 | 2 |
| 19(↓4) | Real Madrid B | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 2 |
| 20(↓1) | Kickers Offenb. | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 2 | -1 | 2 |
| 21(=) | Odense Boldklub | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 3 | -2 | 2 |
| 22(↓4) | RKC Waalwijk | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 4 | -2 | 1 |
| 23(↓3) | U.D. Vecindario | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 4 | -3 | 1 |
| 24(=) | Ulsan Horang-I | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 9 | -5 | 1 |
| HOME | RESULT | AWAY |
|---|---|---|
| FC Sion | 1-0 | Dundee United |
| Viborg FF | 2-0 | Houston Dynamo |
| Mantova | 0-0 | Naval |
| Estrela Amadora | 2-1 | QPR |
| Fortaleza | 0-1 | Viking |
| Greuther Fürth | 0-4 | Belenenses |
| FC Lyn Oslo | 0-1 | Deportivo Aves |
| Stoke City | 1-2 | Elfsborg IF |
| Chonbuk Motors | 3-4 | New England |
| Kansas City | 4-0 | Créteil |
| Plymouth Argyle | 1-1 | FC Augsburg |
| Modena | 0-3 | KSC Lokeren |
A match with not many chances, but the home team made good use of a few of them, mainly thanks to the away keeper doing a poor job in those occasions.
| Viborg FF | Stats | Houston Dynamo |
|---|---|---|
| 0+2=2 | Goals | 0+0=0 |
| 8+6=14 | Shots | 6+5=11 |
| 3+3=6 | On Target | 2+2=4 |
| 14+16=30 | Tackles | 13+10=23 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+2=2 | Corners | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | +0=0 |
| 71%->71% | Passing | 71%->73% |
| 51%->48% | Possession | 49%->52% |
| 37%->42% | Accuracy | 33%->36% |
| Viborg FF | Events | Houston Dynamo |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Mota) | '53 | |
| Sub (Rasmussen->Rask) | '53 | |
| '57 | Sub (Serioux->Goldthwaite) | |
| Goal (Højer) | '72 |
Neither team managed to create many good opportunities, and the keepers were there to stop the few that went on target.
| Mantova | Stats | Naval |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 0+0=0 |
| 3+4=7 | Shots | 4+4=8 |
| 2+2=4 | On Target | 1+2=3 |
| 22+17=39 | Tackles | 15+12=27 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Corners | 2+0=2 |
| 0+1=1 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 72%->72% | Passing | 70%->68% |
| 48%->50% | Possession | 52%->50% |
| 66%->57% | Accuracy | 25%->37% |
| Mantova | Events | Naval |
|---|---|---|
| Sub (Altinier->Rizzi) | '70 |
The strikers were very inaccurate but the keepers did a poor job when it mattered and 3 goals were scored during the 1st half. After half-time the bad shooting continued but no more good chances were created.
| Estrela Amadora | Stats | QPR |
|---|---|---|
| 2+0=2 | Goals | 1+0=1 |
| 6+5=11 | Shots | 6+7=13 |
| 2+1=3 | On Target | 1+1=2 |
| 17+9=26 | Tackles | 13+15=28 |
| 2+1=3 | Fouls | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 1+0=1 |
| 71%->70% | Passing | 74%->71% |
| 53%->51% | Possession | 47%->49% |
| 33%->27% | Accuracy | 16%->15% |
| Estrela Amadora | Events | QPR |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Cleiton) | '6 | |
| Goal (Cleiton) | '30 | |
| '38 | Goal (Blackstock) | |
| '60 | Sub (Gallen->Furlong) | |
| Sub (Marco Paulo->Rui Borges) | '62 |
Despite all the chances the home team created, it was a mistake from their defence that caused the only goal of the match.
| Fortaleza | Stats | Viking |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 1+0=1 |
| 7+7=14 | Shots | 4+3=7 |
| 2+6=8 | On Target | 2+0=2 |
| 13+14=27 | Tackles | 21+14=35 |
| 0+3=3 | Fouls | 0+2=2 |
| 0+1=1 | Bookings | 0+2=2 |
| 1+2=3 | Corners | 2+0=2 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 71%->72% | Passing | 64%->64% |
| 53%->50% | Possession | 47%->50% |
| 28%->57% | Accuracy | 50%->28% |
| Fortaleza | Events | Viking |
|---|---|---|
| '23 | Goal (Ijeh) | |
| '55 | Sub (Abelsson->Lundqvist) | |
| Yellow (Rinaldo) | '66 | |
| Sub (Michel->Lúcio) | '75 | Red (Nygaard) |
| '80 | Yellow (Stokholm) |
The match was a nightmare for the home team, with all their mistakes being punished and all their attempts being thwarted, and the gap just kept increasing.
| Greuther Fürth | Stats | Belenenses |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 2+2=4 |
| 10+7=17 | Shots | 9+6=15 |
| 2+6=8 | On Target | 3+4=7 |
| 13+18=31 | Tackles | 15+9=24 |
| 0+1=1 | Fouls | 1+2=3 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Corners | 1+2=3 |
| 2+0=2 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 73%->72% | Passing | 67%->68% |
| 54%->51% | Possession | 46%->49% |
| 20%->47% | Accuracy | 33%->46% |
| Greuther Fürth | Events | Belenenses |
|---|---|---|
| '17 | Goal (Kelhar [OG]) | |
| '24 | Goal (Zé Pedro) | |
| '59 | Sub (Mancuso->Pinheiro) | |
| '62 | Goal (Manoel) | |
| '80 | Goal (Rodrigo Alvim) |
Filled with midfield sluggishness and uninspired shooting, it was a very boring match apart from the one goal that the away team miraculously managed to score eventually.
| FC Lyn Oslo | Stats | Deportivo Aves |
|---|---|---|
| 0+0=0 | Goals | 0+1=1 |
| 3+1=4 | Shots | 1+5=6 |
| 1+0=1 | On Target | 0+3=3 |
| 20+14=34 | Tackles | 22+25=47 |
| 1+1=2 | Fouls | 1+0=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Corners | 0+0=0 |
| 1+0=1 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 72%->71% | Passing | 70%->68% |
| 53%->55% | Possession | 47%->45% |
| 33%->25% | Accuracy | 0%->50% |
| FC Lyn Oslo | Events | Deportivo Aves |
|---|---|---|
| Sub (Ortiz->Parr) | '61 | |
| '66 | Goal (Jocivalter) |
The home team scored an early goal but their opponents quickly pulled themselves together and turned the score around, then spent the 2nd half defending their lead.
| Stoke City | Stats | Elfsborg IF |
|---|---|---|
| 1+0=1 | Goals | 2+0=2 |
| 6+10=16 | Shots | 4+5=9 |
| 2+2=4 | On Target | 3+3=6 |
| 18+18=36 | Tackles | 27+14=41 |
| 0+0=0 | Fouls | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+1=1 | Corners | 0+2=2 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 0+0=0 |
| 73%->75% | Passing | 69%->72% |
| 52%->53% | Possession | 48%->47% |
| 33%->25% | Accuracy | 75%->66% |
| Stoke City | Events | Elfsborg IF |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Sidibe) | '3 | |
| '9 | Goal (Sjöhage) | |
| '31 | Goal (Svensson) | |
| '51 | Sub (Arvidsson->Augustsson) | |
| Sub (Chadwick->Harper) | '63 |
A match packed with goals, the home team started strong getting a 2 goal-lead, and after their opponents scored they went for a 3rd goal. It seemed like a safe gap but the away team didn't give up and overcame it just in the nick of time.
| Chonbuk Motors | Stats | New England |
|---|---|---|
| 2+1=3 | Goals | 1+3=4 |
| 4+3=7 | Shots | 8+7=15 |
| 3+2=5 | On Target | 4+5=9 |
| 9+15=24 | Tackles | 17+17=34 |
| 1+1=2 | Fouls | 0+1=1 |
| 0+1=1 | Bookings | 0+0=0 |
| 0+0=0 | Corners | 0+1=1 |
| 0+0=0 | Offsides | 1+0=1 |
| 74%->71% | Passing | 70%->70% |
| 50%->49% | Possession | 50%->51% |
| 75%->71% | Accuracy | 50%->60% |
| Chonbuk Motors | Events | New England |
|---|---|---|
| Goal (Choi Young Hoon) | '10 | |
| Goal (Jose Carlos) | '14 | |
| '43 | Goal (Twellman) | |
| Goal (Jose Carlos) | '55 | |
| '60 | Goal (Dempsey) | |
| '63 | Sub (Parkhurst->John) | |
| Sub (Kim Hyung Bum->Lee Hyun Seung) | '75 | |
| Yellow (Kim Jeong Gyeom) | '85 | |
| '86 | Goal (Dempsey) | |
| '90+1 | Goal (Dempsey) |
| POS | TEAM | P | W | D | L | GF | GA | GD | PTS |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1(↑1) | KSC Lokeren | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 9 |
| 2(↑2) | New England | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 4 | 3 | 9 |
| 3(↑3) | Viking | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 5 | 7 |
| 4(↑3) | Viborg FF | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 5 | 7 |
| 5(↓4) | Fortaleza | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 6 |
| 6(↓3) | Chonbuk Motors | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 7 | 1 | 6 |
| 7(↑5) | Elfsborg IF | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 6 |
| 8(↑2) | FC Sion | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 6 |
| 9(↑4) | Estrela Amadora | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 6 |
| 10(↓5) | Greuther Fürth | 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 4 | -2 | 6 |
| 11(↑5) | Kansas City | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 12(↓3) | FC Augsburg | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 4 |
| 13(↓5) | Houston Dynamo | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 4 |
| 14(↑10) | Belenenses | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 3 |
| 15(↓4) | Stoke City | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 3 |
| 16(↑7) | Deportivo Aves | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 2 | -1 | 3 |
| 17(↓3) | QPR | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 7 | -3 | 3 |
| 18(↓1) | Mantova | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 2 | -1 | 2 |
| 19(↑1) | Plymouth Argyle | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 5 | -2 | 2 |
| 20(↓1) | Naval | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 4 | -2 | 2 |
| 21(↓6) | Modena | 3 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 5 | -3 | 2 |
| 22(↓4) | Dundee United | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 2 | -2 | 1 |
| 23(↓1) | FC Lyn Oslo | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 3 | -3 | 0 |
| 24(↓3) | Créteil | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 7 | -6 | 0 |
Next post will be a recap of Week 3 Day 4 on Friday 24th.
2024.05.16 20:59 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
2024.05.16 20:59 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
2024.05.16 20:58 summertrees72 I think I might hate myself.
I am honestly scared to post this on my main account, so I created a new one. I honestly think I might hate myself. Not for how I look, but how I feel.
For context, I haven't been in school or had any close distance friends since I was 14. I was home schooled due to mental health issues, which was a good option at first. I went to active therapy throughout the summer of 2023, until September. My therapist told me that "I do not want to get better," so she basically "gave up" on me. I am 16 now. I healed a lot with my mental health all alone, which is still doing better! I recognize my faults and take responsibility for it, I quit things I was addicted to, and now I am happier, and I let myself feel after some hard years, lol.
One thing that triggers me being envious, I guess? is when my best friend is doing slightly better than me. I love him with all my heart. He saved my life. But, I get upset when he is out with his friends, or he gets to experience things I have missed out on. I literally got upset about him dying his hair. I had people tell me it's normal to feel envious about things like this, but I don't feel that. I feel disgusted with myself for it. I have told my best friend about this. I told him I envy him and that I wish I could just be like him and just kick myself in the butt to do normal things, but I can't. He understands this. I'm glad I can talk to him about how I feel, but that pit in my stomach whenever I feel upset over stuff like these stays there. I could literally throw up writing this. I'm scared to even post this. I'm not a bad person. I changed a lot for the better as I said, but I could not push myself over this even after months. I hate it. I might delete my account and this post after a few days because I feel nauseous for turning to reddit about this. I just needed to let this out somewhere, and a journal did not help.
submitted by summertrees72 to offmychest [link] [comments]
For context, I haven't been in school or had any close distance friends since I was 14. I was home schooled due to mental health issues, which was a good option at first. I went to active therapy throughout the summer of 2023, until September. My therapist told me that "I do not want to get better," so she basically "gave up" on me. I am 16 now. I healed a lot with my mental health all alone, which is still doing better! I recognize my faults and take responsibility for it, I quit things I was addicted to, and now I am happier, and I let myself feel after some hard years, lol.
One thing that triggers me being envious, I guess? is when my best friend is doing slightly better than me. I love him with all my heart. He saved my life. But, I get upset when he is out with his friends, or he gets to experience things I have missed out on. I literally got upset about him dying his hair. I had people tell me it's normal to feel envious about things like this, but I don't feel that. I feel disgusted with myself for it. I have told my best friend about this. I told him I envy him and that I wish I could just be like him and just kick myself in the butt to do normal things, but I can't. He understands this. I'm glad I can talk to him about how I feel, but that pit in my stomach whenever I feel upset over stuff like these stays there. I could literally throw up writing this. I'm scared to even post this. I'm not a bad person. I changed a lot for the better as I said, but I could not push myself over this even after months. I hate it. I might delete my account and this post after a few days because I feel nauseous for turning to reddit about this. I just needed to let this out somewhere, and a journal did not help.
2024.05.16 20:58 SnooChipmunks4981 Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
submitted by SnooChipmunks4981 to u/SnooChipmunks4981 [link] [comments]
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now
2024.05.16 20:58 KnightsSoccer82 I would like to share my Project Lithium Battery report with the CT200h Facebook Groups - however one of the admins running these groups is trolling and insta-banning me for personal reasons. Can someone explain to me if there is additional history of this behavior? Context below.
Context, and apologies for it being long and bringing drama in here…but this is getting quite ridiculous.
I would prefer to not call people out explicitly, but I have received a few separate notifications to join the various CT200h Facebook groups by an admin who is also very active on this subreddit and CT200h forums.
For whatever reason, he invites me to these groups and immediately blocks me from the group right after. This has been going on for weeks, one by one. Mind you, I have never once posted in these groups after accepting the invite.
This user has vocalized in the past their dislike for me, due to thinking I was “gate keeping” a JDM part when I wasn’t, and from a disagreement over the tail light retrofit. And overall had been quite unfriendly. I understand my confrontational methods are not welcomed by all, but I believe I have provided a great deal of insight and technical breadth to many questions on this subreddit. I simply like to get to the point. If it’s too much for some, I apologize.
Anyways I find it quite disappointing that they are blocking me from all these groups, and using their administrative privileges to prevent me from sharing my report out to a broader audience, with no explanation as to why they are acting this way. This is not a great demonstration of power for one with admirations privileges, especially by one that seemingly is a admin for every single major ct200h group on Facebook.
I have put a lot of effort into this report, and would prefer to be active in the groups and channels that there will be discussions so I can explain in better detail the contents as well as answer any questions people may have.
Again, I would prefer to not call this person out, but with me continuing to be trolled and be invited to these groups only to be instantly banned with no details as to why, beyond that the person has publicly said they do not like me, is discouraging.
I would like to help the community with this report, but this behavior is quite concerning and would love to receive any additional insight into why this person is behaving like this.
Thanks, I hope to have this resolved so I can release the full document this weekend.
If I am wrong, and am not banned, then I would like proof of that from an admin. As every previous group I have looked up and been invited to by this admin is now missing for me, and I have been removed.
Thank you for reading.
submitted by KnightsSoccer82 to CT200h [link] [comments]
I would prefer to not call people out explicitly, but I have received a few separate notifications to join the various CT200h Facebook groups by an admin who is also very active on this subreddit and CT200h forums.
For whatever reason, he invites me to these groups and immediately blocks me from the group right after. This has been going on for weeks, one by one. Mind you, I have never once posted in these groups after accepting the invite.
This user has vocalized in the past their dislike for me, due to thinking I was “gate keeping” a JDM part when I wasn’t, and from a disagreement over the tail light retrofit. And overall had been quite unfriendly. I understand my confrontational methods are not welcomed by all, but I believe I have provided a great deal of insight and technical breadth to many questions on this subreddit. I simply like to get to the point. If it’s too much for some, I apologize.
Anyways I find it quite disappointing that they are blocking me from all these groups, and using their administrative privileges to prevent me from sharing my report out to a broader audience, with no explanation as to why they are acting this way. This is not a great demonstration of power for one with admirations privileges, especially by one that seemingly is a admin for every single major ct200h group on Facebook.
I have put a lot of effort into this report, and would prefer to be active in the groups and channels that there will be discussions so I can explain in better detail the contents as well as answer any questions people may have.
Again, I would prefer to not call this person out, but with me continuing to be trolled and be invited to these groups only to be instantly banned with no details as to why, beyond that the person has publicly said they do not like me, is discouraging.
I would like to help the community with this report, but this behavior is quite concerning and would love to receive any additional insight into why this person is behaving like this.
Thanks, I hope to have this resolved so I can release the full document this weekend.
If I am wrong, and am not banned, then I would like proof of that from an admin. As every previous group I have looked up and been invited to by this admin is now missing for me, and I have been removed.
Thank you for reading.
2024.05.16 20:57 DaAznBoiSwag My Experience with OXIO in Ontario
Posting this because at the time of purchasing my first home and choosing an internet service, I had absolutely zero clue about reviews in terms of OXIO and decided to bite the bullet because of the pricing, legit felt like every post I've seen about this service was a bot or something. It was either 5 stars bot-like/paid advert review, or the obvious 1 star (the only experience you ever read usually is bad experience since 5 stagood service people don't tend to review).
I paid for the 1000MBPs Down and 30 up connection for my area, @ 65CAD which brings it to 73.45 all in which is an insane price. Previously was with Teksavvy and was paying around 60 down 10 up for 82.43 (LMAO). Customer service also seemed pretty good, I got speedy responses from email, and got updates via text for install day and other reminders which was very nice.
I get the actual advertised speeds where I live, the erro router they gave is alright, good enough for the average person. Already had a AX1800 TPLINK (AX20) on hand and it provided better coverage and signal. Through wifi (which obv varies) I usually get 742MBPS/30MBPS on my router, the erro shot 100-150 below that consistently for some reason.
Do note straight through the wire on my Desktop, I get damn near the max advertised speed around 941mbps which honestly was already way more than I ever need lol. Gaming wise PING I was getting around 18ms-22ms on wifi (i never checked my wired ping) which is great too. I've only had this service for about a month but man do I like it alot and have zero complaints. Cogecco seems to be the ones supplying the lines spoken directly from OXIO in a previous customer chat.
I am not going to attach my referral code, if you really want mine just comment and I will DM you or something, I want to keep this as organic as possible in terms of a review.
submitted by DaAznBoiSwag to oxio_ca_internet [link] [comments]
I paid for the 1000MBPs Down and 30 up connection for my area, @ 65CAD which brings it to 73.45 all in which is an insane price. Previously was with Teksavvy and was paying around 60 down 10 up for 82.43 (LMAO). Customer service also seemed pretty good, I got speedy responses from email, and got updates via text for install day and other reminders which was very nice.
I get the actual advertised speeds where I live, the erro router they gave is alright, good enough for the average person. Already had a AX1800 TPLINK (AX20) on hand and it provided better coverage and signal. Through wifi (which obv varies) I usually get 742MBPS/30MBPS on my router, the erro shot 100-150 below that consistently for some reason.
Do note straight through the wire on my Desktop, I get damn near the max advertised speed around 941mbps which honestly was already way more than I ever need lol. Gaming wise PING I was getting around 18ms-22ms on wifi (i never checked my wired ping) which is great too. I've only had this service for about a month but man do I like it alot and have zero complaints. Cogecco seems to be the ones supplying the lines spoken directly from OXIO in a previous customer chat.
I am not going to attach my referral code, if you really want mine just comment and I will DM you or something, I want to keep this as organic as possible in terms of a review.
2024.05.16 20:52 Own_Table_5758 Pakistani courts often show leniency to clerics and other Islamic teachers accused of raping both boys and girls.
In Larkana, Sindh, the man was caught red-handed and videotaped while molesting a nine-year-old student.
On May 9, Pakistani media reported that police in Larkana, Sindh, Pakistan, had arrested a teacher at the city’s Khalid Bin Waleed Mosque called Naimat Yaseen, also known as Molvi Yaseen (Yasin) Chandio.
A FIR (First Information Report) had been filed by the police by one Baghan Chandio, who reported that his nine-year-old son, a student at the mosque, had been sexually molested by the teacher.
Baghan’s brother and cousin, who were at the mosque for the afternoon prayers, caught the teacher in the act, the boy’s father reported. Part of the assault was recorded in a video, which made its way to some social media but was (rightly) deleted or masked so that what it depicts is not clear. A clear copy was, however, supplied to the police. The teacher tried to escape but was finally caught and arrested.
Both the teacher and the boy’s family belong to the same Chandio tribe. The father reported that he had been submitted to pressures to solve the matter through mediation or arbitration, but refused, believing that only criminal courts can stop the abuse of children in Islamic schools.
The incident created widespread emotion, because it occurred only a few weeks after another father filed a FIR against a prominent Muslim cleric and madrassa teacher. Maulana Abubakar Muavia, after having caught him red-handed in the process of raping his 12-year-old son in Tandlianwala, Faisalabad.
In the case of Muavia, the father was persuaded to resort to arbitration and “forgive” the cleric, although these arbitrations are invalid in the case of crimes according to a 2019 decision by the Pakistani Supreme Court.
Of course, clerics of different religions, including Catholic priests, have been prosecuted and convicted for child sexual abuse. This is hardly an excuse, however, for the leniency Pakistani courts often show to clerics and other Islamic teachers accused of raping both boys and girls within the context of what is becoming a systemic problem in the country.
Pakistan, Another Mosque Teacher Arrested for Sexually Assaulting a Boy (bitterwinter.org)
submitted by Own_Table_5758 to AhmadiMuslims [link] [comments]
In Larkana, Sindh, the man was caught red-handed and videotaped while molesting a nine-year-old student.
On May 9, Pakistani media reported that police in Larkana, Sindh, Pakistan, had arrested a teacher at the city’s Khalid Bin Waleed Mosque called Naimat Yaseen, also known as Molvi Yaseen (Yasin) Chandio.
A FIR (First Information Report) had been filed by the police by one Baghan Chandio, who reported that his nine-year-old son, a student at the mosque, had been sexually molested by the teacher.
Baghan’s brother and cousin, who were at the mosque for the afternoon prayers, caught the teacher in the act, the boy’s father reported. Part of the assault was recorded in a video, which made its way to some social media but was (rightly) deleted or masked so that what it depicts is not clear. A clear copy was, however, supplied to the police. The teacher tried to escape but was finally caught and arrested.
Both the teacher and the boy’s family belong to the same Chandio tribe. The father reported that he had been submitted to pressures to solve the matter through mediation or arbitration, but refused, believing that only criminal courts can stop the abuse of children in Islamic schools.
The incident created widespread emotion, because it occurred only a few weeks after another father filed a FIR against a prominent Muslim cleric and madrassa teacher. Maulana Abubakar Muavia, after having caught him red-handed in the process of raping his 12-year-old son in Tandlianwala, Faisalabad.
In the case of Muavia, the father was persuaded to resort to arbitration and “forgive” the cleric, although these arbitrations are invalid in the case of crimes according to a 2019 decision by the Pakistani Supreme Court.
Of course, clerics of different religions, including Catholic priests, have been prosecuted and convicted for child sexual abuse. This is hardly an excuse, however, for the leniency Pakistani courts often show to clerics and other Islamic teachers accused of raping both boys and girls within the context of what is becoming a systemic problem in the country.
Pakistan, Another Mosque Teacher Arrested for Sexually Assaulting a Boy (bitterwinter.org)
2024.05.16 20:52 Full_Flamingo_2833 i think i know what i i'm but i'm not sure
How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
i'm a teenagers i prefer not to specify my age i'm female (i'm a introverted)
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
i may have ADD/ADHD but i'm still uncertain but i don't believe it has a big impact on my mental stability
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
i have a religious i don't agree with everything it says but i still pray i prevere not talking about my religious all i will say is i believe in the one and only above us all
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
i'm still at school and i don't like it nobody like it i study financiël i don't' really like it but the other options that where available weren't fun either so i choose the easiest for me
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
this will be sad only one weekend could't you give me more time either way they is plenty of stuff i can do on my own to enjoy i wouldn't feel lonely at al i will probably do a little exercices watch tv and most important of all i would sleep as much as possible
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like it, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
yes i like sport an moving my body is such a great feeling and it's really need to feel good i like doing stuff outdoors especially if i have the money i also like to relax indoor too
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
i'm very curious always asking questions about random thing that i'm interested in and seeking to understand them the only i have goals that i want to achieve later but it's so far ahead of me that i'm not really concerned about them thee only thing i want to execute is finishing my list of serie i wanna watch i probably won't cause it's too long about how certain things work about why stuff happen about why people thinks differently and what do certain stuff means deep down if they is a hidden meaning my ideas are more conceptual they can be about objects but most of time my environment is boring to me and i don't give it much attention and most of the time i'm detached from that
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
i hate leadership position but a believe a be a good leader as i strive to results but at the same time i understand it's not always easy i will make sure we get too the finale project without trying to overwork the people and giving them a lot of freedom i believe they can decide for their one so but overall i don't like giving people work i don't like blaming others when stuff don't go the right way or controlling people or simply interacting with people so i prefer to work on my own unless i know if i'm a leader i would like to know the strengths and weakness of all of people
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
i'm not that coordinated the way my body move is extremely random and purly impulsive and a bit aggressive too i don't try to control my movements that much but i'm practicing a sport who that make me more coordinated i like working with my hands as long as i'm not under pressure
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
i believe i'm very artistic especially with panthings as i have a eye to recognize good and less good painting i like to paint and my painting is abstract and very intuitive
i also appreciate fashion a lot
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
thinking about the past is a waste of time cause you can't change anything thinking about the future is a good thing but it's demanding in energy i prevere dealing with what her is in the present
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
i will see what i can do to help if i refuse it's probably cause i don't like the person or that i have no energy or that i don't see what i can do to help
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
i love logical consistency everything with logic in it make it easier to understand everything i don't understand cost me a lot of energy if i don't see any logic in a certain thing i will ignore it to not waste energy on it
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
i believe all my problems will be solve if i become more efficient and productivity is just for work in my case school and i'm still in a growing and learning how to become more of both of them
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
no i don't like controlling others it's not easy to manipulate people i don't try it that much and i don't think i should do it neither do i want to be manipulated to do things against my own will
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them? the sport i'm practicing cause it's fun + eating+sleeping+shopping with a lot off money +watching tv learning more about stuff i'm interesting in (example history ) why do i like them cause the are fun/relaxing / entertaining
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
i use different methods to lean i can not lean all those subject in the same way i have easier using logic on certain things i will need my class involvement probably what i use the most logic cause i'm still a student other i have the need for physical senses or sensation
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
i can probably strategize things well i'm not the best or the worst but what is harder is following the strategy when the moment come to do so a i'm more likely to improvise
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
i want to become estate agent have more social skills and be more focus on work
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
death pain school exams pressure arguing with my mom do i really need to say why a hate those ting it's pretty obvious to me why
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
having a good school report at the end of the year having a good sport competition
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
failing in my classes
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
89% of the time i daydream and no i'm not aware of my surrounding when i do that
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about it?
i take my phone and put music till a get bored and then i start scream punch the wall think of a way out or i sleep
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
i take as long as i need to i'm not the kind person that will run out of time cause i'm not that indesisive i can make quick decisions but i can also take a long time when i feel it's needed if after that i don't change my mind in the 5 sc after my decision i probably won't change my mind
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
the needed time to feel good my emotions aren't that deep so i mostly don't need much time but when they get what deeper i will need more time
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
i find myself agreeing with others when i'm too tired to argue or when i'm talking to my mom
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
i beak rules when i know i'm not getting in trouble authority should be challenged they make dumb decisions but it's not me that should do that i'm too lazy , and i break rules cause they stupid
submitted by Full_Flamingo_2833 to MbtiTypeMe [link] [comments]
i'm a teenagers i prefer not to specify my age i'm female (i'm a introverted)
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
i may have ADD/ADHD but i'm still uncertain but i don't believe it has a big impact on my mental stability
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
i have a religious i don't agree with everything it says but i still pray i prevere not talking about my religious all i will say is i believe in the one and only above us all
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
i'm still at school and i don't like it nobody like it i study financiël i don't' really like it but the other options that where available weren't fun either so i choose the easiest for me
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
this will be sad only one weekend could't you give me more time either way they is plenty of stuff i can do on my own to enjoy i wouldn't feel lonely at al i will probably do a little exercices watch tv and most important of all i would sleep as much as possible
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like it, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
yes i like sport an moving my body is such a great feeling and it's really need to feel good i like doing stuff outdoors especially if i have the money i also like to relax indoor too
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
i'm very curious always asking questions about random thing that i'm interested in and seeking to understand them the only i have goals that i want to achieve later but it's so far ahead of me that i'm not really concerned about them thee only thing i want to execute is finishing my list of serie i wanna watch i probably won't cause it's too long about how certain things work about why stuff happen about why people thinks differently and what do certain stuff means deep down if they is a hidden meaning my ideas are more conceptual they can be about objects but most of time my environment is boring to me and i don't give it much attention and most of the time i'm detached from that
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
i hate leadership position but a believe a be a good leader as i strive to results but at the same time i understand it's not always easy i will make sure we get too the finale project without trying to overwork the people and giving them a lot of freedom i believe they can decide for their one so but overall i don't like giving people work i don't like blaming others when stuff don't go the right way or controlling people or simply interacting with people so i prefer to work on my own unless i know if i'm a leader i would like to know the strengths and weakness of all of people
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
i'm not that coordinated the way my body move is extremely random and purly impulsive and a bit aggressive too i don't try to control my movements that much but i'm practicing a sport who that make me more coordinated i like working with my hands as long as i'm not under pressure
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
i believe i'm very artistic especially with panthings as i have a eye to recognize good and less good painting i like to paint and my painting is abstract and very intuitive
i also appreciate fashion a lot
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
thinking about the past is a waste of time cause you can't change anything thinking about the future is a good thing but it's demanding in energy i prevere dealing with what her is in the present
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
i will see what i can do to help if i refuse it's probably cause i don't like the person or that i have no energy or that i don't see what i can do to help
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
i love logical consistency everything with logic in it make it easier to understand everything i don't understand cost me a lot of energy if i don't see any logic in a certain thing i will ignore it to not waste energy on it
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
i believe all my problems will be solve if i become more efficient and productivity is just for work in my case school and i'm still in a growing and learning how to become more of both of them
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
no i don't like controlling others it's not easy to manipulate people i don't try it that much and i don't think i should do it neither do i want to be manipulated to do things against my own will
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them? the sport i'm practicing cause it's fun + eating+sleeping+shopping with a lot off money +watching tv learning more about stuff i'm interesting in (example history ) why do i like them cause the are fun/relaxing / entertaining
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
i use different methods to lean i can not lean all those subject in the same way i have easier using logic on certain things i will need my class involvement probably what i use the most logic cause i'm still a student other i have the need for physical senses or sensation
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
i can probably strategize things well i'm not the best or the worst but what is harder is following the strategy when the moment come to do so a i'm more likely to improvise
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
i want to become estate agent have more social skills and be more focus on work
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
death pain school exams pressure arguing with my mom do i really need to say why a hate those ting it's pretty obvious to me why
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
having a good school report at the end of the year having a good sport competition
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
failing in my classes
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
89% of the time i daydream and no i'm not aware of my surrounding when i do that
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about it?
i take my phone and put music till a get bored and then i start scream punch the wall think of a way out or i sleep
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
i take as long as i need to i'm not the kind person that will run out of time cause i'm not that indesisive i can make quick decisions but i can also take a long time when i feel it's needed if after that i don't change my mind in the 5 sc after my decision i probably won't change my mind
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
the needed time to feel good my emotions aren't that deep so i mostly don't need much time but when they get what deeper i will need more time
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
i find myself agreeing with others when i'm too tired to argue or when i'm talking to my mom
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
i beak rules when i know i'm not getting in trouble authority should be challenged they make dumb decisions but it's not me that should do that i'm too lazy , and i break rules cause they stupid
2024.05.16 20:50 Topremech Introducing Bevel - The Next Evolution of Superset
 | Today, I'm excited to announce the next chapter of Superset. Before we discuss what's next, let's look at how Superset got here today. submitted by Topremech to supersethealth [link] [comments] How Superset was startedBack in September of 2023, Superset was just an idea.At the time, the fitness app space was already crowded with dozens, if not hundreds, of apps. There were a handful of great apps, but they all lacked the cohesive experience that other wearables offer. Personally, I didn't want to use five different apps to track my exercise, sleep, and stress. I felt that the Apple ecosystem lacked an app that could fully utilize Apple Health and match the level of engineering that was put into the hardware of the Apple Watch. So, I posted on AppleWatch (link here) to see if people would be interested in something like Superset, and to my surprise, hundreds of people instantly signed up for the waitlist. An early prototype of Superset Over the next two months, I was heads down turning Superset into a reality. At the end of November 2023, Superset was released into closed Beta. After iterating rapidly with the help of the first batch of beta users, we released Superset to the App Store in January 2024. Since then, Superset has grown rapidly, and we have released major features like Strength Builder, Journal, and Energy Bank. Thank you for reporting bugs and sharing suggestions on our feedback board. Without your help, Superset would not be where it is today. Vision & FocusWhile many of you have mentioned that Superset is the equivalent of Whoop or Garmin for the Apple ecosystem, our ultimate goal is not to build another fitness app.From day one, our vision has been to build a companion that can help you improve your health holistically, from sleep to exercise to nutrition. To understand the human body completely, you must look at the entire picture, not just the parts. Our health is made up of our genetics, habits, environment, and many other factors that change daily. With new advancements in hardware and software, it's finally possible to build a system that can understand the human body holistically and empower you to improve your healthspan. To reflect our long-term vision, we are changing our name from Superset to Bevel https://preview.redd.it/u16qm2da4u0d1.jpg?width=3200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f04afb3de9cd1c8f1986f61a059cf2677001411 We understand that this is a very ambitious goal, and stay committed to keeping the app simple and intuitive. It's something that's never been done before, so we need you to trust us and join us on this journey. What's next?We have an exciting summer roadmap ahead. We're working on features to unlock new areas of health, such as body measurements, biomarkers, training goals, and nutrition.At the same time, we'll revamp the activities view to include more metrics, redesign the Apple Watch app, upgrade Strength Builder V2, and add support for additional languages. With today's update, the app's name and icon have changed. You can also choose a different app icon under Settings → Appearance. Over the next few weeks, the app's visual design will evolve to match the new brand. You can check out the new website here. Lastly, we're looking for builders and creatives to come and help us build the future of Bevel. As always, if you have any suggestions or bug reports, please add them to the feedback board. Thanks again for your support. We're just getting started. 💪 |
2024.05.16 20:50 BigContract9835 8th EMG
Today was my 8th EMG. I showed the muscles where I had fascics and weakness. All was clean/normal. Also clinical. 10 neurologists cleared me of ALS already - clinically and then 8 emgs that were normal. I have still my doubts after reading about some cases, where especially young people have clean emgs for years and then turning dirty. I was tested in all possible muscles in the past 3 years but after every EMG I try to think what if in the other muscle or other side something would be shown. The neurologist that performed the EMG today just stick the needle in my muscle and immediately shrug his head and said no MND. No other neurologist did this. After that he was sticking the needle for a minute into the muscle and then I needed to flex with the muscle. But the whole EMg was like 15 minutes maybe.. what if he has performed it wrong? I see many here doing it for an hour or more. At the end he said it is just BFS and that I can be assured it is not als considering my age (24), duration of symptoms (2 years and a half), clinical exams and emg. I am still worried because I still have all my symptoms.. perceived weakness (like I can’t hold my phone for more than 10 minutes or sometimes even at eating my hand feels weak when using the fork or knife), bad cramping in the same spot (hurts a lot and feels like the muscle is getting tight), being sore and exhausted all the time like I have run a marathon, tremor in muscle activity, fascics (to mention that they were not even seen on my EMG, although I have them all the time?!). Besides that I have also trouble swallowing (saliva only, no food and liquids), feeling that my voice is nasal (although my parents and friends don’t seem to notice a difference), trouble getting air when speaking (like some words just can’t be pronounced well but the speech is not slurred.. just missing air when speaking and it makes it harder to speak then). So I thought even about a bulbar onset because actually no bulbar muscle was tested in my EMGS ever (I was told no clinical points towards it and that bulbar in my case would be absurdly to even consider) but I was also told that if it was bulbar and I had problems in my limbs (which I have), the EMG would show it anyway. What is now my thinking about everything is just the fact that I feel so alone in this. Nobody believes me anymore or how much I struggle. It is hard to accept to live like this forever and even the fear of a terminal disease being a possibility makes me unmotivated to do just anything in life anymore. What advice can you give me? And what are your thoughts on my situation? Thanks so much to the community for sticking together and sharing the stories. I hope and pray for the best of all of us.
submitted by BigContract9835 to BFS [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 20:48 Decoy167 Meet My Support Hero!
Unfortunately, I do not know how to draw (aching to learn at the moment), but I hope you find his abilities at least somewhat balanced. I've got some backstory if you're interested, otherwise, drop some adjustments I should make in the comments below. Please, enjoy.
Name: Hiver
Health: 175
Weapon: Trident
Primary Fire: Fires a projectile that, upon impact with an enemy, deals 60 damage and chains to all other enemies 3 meters behind the initial target, dealing 30 damage. Blocked by shields. When in contact with a teammate, the projectile heals for 30. Fires every 1.25 seconds. Has a range of 12 meters.
Passive: Perseverance
If Hiver is below 45 health or has overhealth from his hurl, his healing output doubles and he gains special abilities. Overhealth Perseverance will always take precedence. His healthbar will turn red if it is active. Hiver does not get the support or the global healing passive.
Ability 1: Healing Drone
Apply a healing drone to an ally within 20m. This includes Hiver. The healing drone has 50 health, heals for 35/s, and heals a maximum of 100 health. 6-second cooldown. 4 seconds added to the cooldown if the drone is destroyed before all the reserves are used. Cooldown starts after the drone is deployed. Drone’s maximum lifetime is 5 seconds. .5 second cast time, 1.5 second travel time at max range. The drone glows red if affected by Perseverance. Can be destroyed mid-air or if blocked by a shield or if Hiver is stunned midcast.
Ability 2: Hurl
Hiver throws his trident, dealing 150 damage. Does not ignore barriers. .75 second cast time. Has a 7-second cooldown. Returns immediately upon connecting with an enemy and gives 50 overhealth. Overhealth lasts for 8 seconds if not stripped away and stacks up to 100. If the trident connects with the enemy tank, overhealth lasts for 4 seconds instead but does not grant Perseverance. Returns in 2 seconds upon whiff. If the hurl earns a final blow, gain double the overhealth. Cooldown does not start until the trident is back in hand. Small hitbox on the trident (size of Ana’s sleep dart).
Ability 3: Biting Sacrifice
Hiver slams the bottom of his trident on the ground, dealing 50 damage to himself and 50 healing in a 10 meter radius. 8-second cooldown. Hiver cannot be healed for 2 seconds immediately after use. If Perseverance is procked from overhealth, he gains an option to sustain 75 damage, deal 100 healing, and give all teammates within 5 meters a 15% increase in damage for 2 seconds. If Perseverance is procked from low health, Hiver does not take the initial damage, deal 100 healing, and the trident pulses waves every second 6 meters wide and in front of Hiver, dealing 50 healing, for 2 seconds. Health cannot go any lower than 10 when using this ability. Cooldown is increased to 11 seconds if used during Perseverance.
Ultimate: Battle Orb
Hiver throws an orb on an ally, cleansing all debuffs. For every debuff cleansed, the ally gains 25% more damage and 10% damage resistance. The number of debuffs cleansed will appear above the affected target. All allies within 10m of the orb gain a flat rate of 20% increase in damage. This is lowered to 6m if attached to the tank. The orb lasts 6 seconds. This ultimate does not make the ally invincible at any point. Can be thrown on the ground. Enemies can catch the orb if the targeted ally dies or they intercept the throw. If intercepted, the orb’s counter carries over but remains fixed. The orb cleanses the targeted ally one more time and adds to the counter if Perseverance is procked only from low health. Ultimate costs 2600 points.
submitted by Decoy167 to SupportMainsOverwatch [link] [comments]
Name: Hiver
Health: 175
Weapon: Trident
Primary Fire: Fires a projectile that, upon impact with an enemy, deals 60 damage and chains to all other enemies 3 meters behind the initial target, dealing 30 damage. Blocked by shields. When in contact with a teammate, the projectile heals for 30. Fires every 1.25 seconds. Has a range of 12 meters.
Passive: Perseverance
If Hiver is below 45 health or has overhealth from his hurl, his healing output doubles and he gains special abilities. Overhealth Perseverance will always take precedence. His healthbar will turn red if it is active. Hiver does not get the support or the global healing passive.
Ability 1: Healing Drone
Apply a healing drone to an ally within 20m. This includes Hiver. The healing drone has 50 health, heals for 35/s, and heals a maximum of 100 health. 6-second cooldown. 4 seconds added to the cooldown if the drone is destroyed before all the reserves are used. Cooldown starts after the drone is deployed. Drone’s maximum lifetime is 5 seconds. .5 second cast time, 1.5 second travel time at max range. The drone glows red if affected by Perseverance. Can be destroyed mid-air or if blocked by a shield or if Hiver is stunned midcast.
Ability 2: Hurl
Hiver throws his trident, dealing 150 damage. Does not ignore barriers. .75 second cast time. Has a 7-second cooldown. Returns immediately upon connecting with an enemy and gives 50 overhealth. Overhealth lasts for 8 seconds if not stripped away and stacks up to 100. If the trident connects with the enemy tank, overhealth lasts for 4 seconds instead but does not grant Perseverance. Returns in 2 seconds upon whiff. If the hurl earns a final blow, gain double the overhealth. Cooldown does not start until the trident is back in hand. Small hitbox on the trident (size of Ana’s sleep dart).
Ability 3: Biting Sacrifice
Hiver slams the bottom of his trident on the ground, dealing 50 damage to himself and 50 healing in a 10 meter radius. 8-second cooldown. Hiver cannot be healed for 2 seconds immediately after use. If Perseverance is procked from overhealth, he gains an option to sustain 75 damage, deal 100 healing, and give all teammates within 5 meters a 15% increase in damage for 2 seconds. If Perseverance is procked from low health, Hiver does not take the initial damage, deal 100 healing, and the trident pulses waves every second 6 meters wide and in front of Hiver, dealing 50 healing, for 2 seconds. Health cannot go any lower than 10 when using this ability. Cooldown is increased to 11 seconds if used during Perseverance.
Ultimate: Battle Orb
Hiver throws an orb on an ally, cleansing all debuffs. For every debuff cleansed, the ally gains 25% more damage and 10% damage resistance. The number of debuffs cleansed will appear above the affected target. All allies within 10m of the orb gain a flat rate of 20% increase in damage. This is lowered to 6m if attached to the tank. The orb lasts 6 seconds. This ultimate does not make the ally invincible at any point. Can be thrown on the ground. Enemies can catch the orb if the targeted ally dies or they intercept the throw. If intercepted, the orb’s counter carries over but remains fixed. The orb cleanses the targeted ally one more time and adds to the counter if Perseverance is procked only from low health. Ultimate costs 2600 points.