Things to do when your bf is angry

Hello women of Reddit,
I'm going through a very rough time emotionally and spiritually and have always found peace when I express my thoughts by writing them out so I figured I would find a Subreddit to express myself and see what strangers who are impartial to my situation will say. There's always two sides to a story, so I'll be mindful to not sit here like a narcissist trying to paint a holy picture of myself and an unholy one of her. I pledge to be completely honest, even if I am burned at the stake in the comments for any wrongdoings of mine. Please note there's a limit to how many characters I can type in here, so 20 years of history for important context will need to be summarized as much as possible. I'll do my best to keep it relevant and share the parts that matter.
In my first year of high school at age 13, a friend of mine was dating a girl from a different high school that he would bring around to hang out with us. She seemed like a nice girl as far as I could tell, but I couldn't help but notice how literally everyone who had something to say about her would always highlight and emphasize that she was a slut and they would tell stories about stuff she has done when she was drunk. I didn't think much of it at the time because why would I? It had nothing to do with me. Soon after, I moved to a different high school and cut ties with that friend.
A few years went by, and one day out of nowhere to my surprise, she called my house to say hi, and to see if I wanted to hang out. I decided to hang out with her because I learned from her that she was no longer dating the guy I met her through, and we were somewhat acquainted already so it felt ok. We started to hang out a lot and I started feeling those fuzzy feelings in my stomach where I knew I was beginning to develop feelings for her, and so much that I was finding myself "borrowing" my dads' car when I didn't yet have my license just to be able to go see her. People around me who knew her started to notice that her and I were getting close, and I started getting warnings from literally dozens of people to not bother with her because she's a slut, and she's just going to hurt me in the end. Despite all these warnings, the feelings I had inside of me for her at that time were too strong to ignore, so I ended up ignoring the warnings people were giving me and wanted to judge her from my experience with her rather than other people's words.
During the time I was hanging out with her, I soon learned that she was apparently seeing or casually dating someone new, which of course bothered me because I liked her and I could feel from her that she liked me too. I started noticing that certain times in evenings she would not answer her phone at all and because I was increasingly growing so in love with her, I literally would begin to sit outside her place down the street in a car just to see what the hell she was doing certain evenings that she wouldn't answer my calls. Of course, it soon became obvious to me that she was going to see this guy she was "seeing" because she would always jump in a taxi very late night and get dropped off at the same house. I'm ashamed when I look back and realize that I was somewhat stalking her and being creepy, but the intentions weren't bad but rather just a little too curious, and it was also killing me inside to see her casually seeing this older guy who I felt was probably just exploiting her for sex. I say that because it was weird to me that she never hung out with him during the day as friends like her and I did but only went to see him late at night, so my mind started messing with me a lot and all the rumours about her started coming in as intrusive thoughts. I'm already a person who has a very deep depth of conscious thoughts so I can sometimes get very deep into my imagination and that's not really a good thing when the mind goes into dark and negative places.
One day during an afternoon I dropped by her house unannounced and I knocked on her house door but no one answered even though I was sure she was home. I went to the side of the house and climbed up on a utility box below her bedroom window that she would always sneak out of, so I can look through the window and maybe get her attention, and I instantly couldn't believe my eyes. There she was butt naked having sex with her ex-boyfriend, the guy I was friends with in early high school. I felt sick to my stomach that I walked right into that so I quickly left to my car and immediately drove off. It was so disturbing to see this and also to realize she was fucking an older guy and also liked me, all three at the same time. I never brought that up to her during that time because it was just too foul to mention. One night, she called me and asked me if I can pick her up from a friend's house because she had too much to drink and couldn't get home safe, so I said okay. When we got to her house, she asked me to help her inside, and so I did and next thing you know when we are sitting on the couch her hands are in my pants, she pulled me into her bedroom, and we had sex for the first time. This was when I lost my virginity.
After this point her and I began to start sleeping with each other regularly and of course it made me love her more and more. I couldn't deal with the circumstance the way it was and so I got very serious with her and let her know I was not cool with what she's doing and that she would need to stop this madness. We got into a lot of arguments and fights about what she was doing and we fought and fought, until one day she suddenly out of nowhere came to me and said she "broke up" with the older guy. She told me she wanted to be official and be a real exclusive couple together with me. I felt this sigh of relief go through me, but also somehow it didn't feel as good as it could've or should've had I not known all these past issues about her.
Here we are suddenly an official couple, and I started realizing that I had this deep insecurity anytime she would say she wanted to go hang out with her girlfriends and "guy friends" to party. I wasn't into drinking and partying at that age and so I would always tell her no, especially if other guys are around, but she didn't care what I had to say and would do what she wanted anyway. When I would try to stop her, she would fight me and tell people that I was being controlling. I felt like I had no power and didn't know what to do because I always thought she will get drunk and do somethign with other guys and that scared the shit out of me.
Soon after I randomly met a girl at a friends house who took interest in me. One day just like that I decided to hang out with her and I ended up cheating on my GF with her. I regret that I did that but looking back on it, I feel like I did it because I was so insecure and upset deep inside at everything I was going through with my GF and her going out partying and drinking with other guys around that I just didn't care anymore and went with it. She eventually found out that I cheated, and demanded I end contact with that girl and I did. I saw that it actually hurt her and I apologized for it and luckily for me she forgave me despite showing serious displeasure. I explained to her that I messed up and I did it because I thought she was likely cheating on me anyways and I had a hard time getting over her past. We both agreed to move on from that. That was when I was 19 and it was the only time I ever cheated on her. I learned from that one mistake I made.
A few more years went by, and still she was giving me a very hard time when it came to going out drinking with her friends. I was working very long 16-hour days at that time, and it never sat well with me for her to go out and get drunk when I'm not present. We continued to fight and argue over this, and she simply never understood me on why I didn't want her to do this. I would do this because I knew that when she drinks, she's not herself at all. She becomes very flirty and inappropriate, and I didn't want that to happen if I'm not around to look after her and stop her from doing dumb shit. Either way, she would do it and ignore what I say. I got fed up with this and ended up breaking up with her. During this time of being broken up, I started trying to see other girls and despite meeting other women in platonic terms, my heart kept wanting her back. So after six months of being broken up, I went back to her and tried to talk to her to see if she wanted to get back together and try to have a fresh start. She immediately showed interest, but she said she had to let me know during the time broken up that she started seeing and having sex with someone else. Despite not offically being a couple at that time, it shattered me. Why? Because I couldn't believe that after everything we went through, she would just go and fuck another dude who was clearly exploiting her for sex. I know that because she dropped him in the snap of a finger to come back to me, so obviously there was nothing of substance there other than her avoiding being alone. I cried about it and ultimately accepted being together again.
Many years went by again and new problems came up, now she is comparing me and us to her friends and their boyfriends. Giving me a hard time that I don't buy her designer bags and spend money on expensive items for her. I would argue with her over this a lot because to me, it was just stupid to be buying junk like this when you don't have too much money to spare, especially at our age, but she didn't care. Every day was arguing and fighting and her putting me down simply for not buying her designer bags. This is when I began to notice that I was starting to get verbally abusive towards her with name calling, belittling and shaming for stuff she's done wrong. There were also many times where I would get physical with her too by grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her out of frustration during arguments because she would drive me insane with her words. I didn't know how else to express my anger so it always translated mostly into insults about her promiscuity and history. Anyway, eventually I got so fed up with her that I ended up telling her to take a hike and that I don't want to be with her if this is the type of person she's going to be by disturbing the peace in our household with constant comparisons to others. I didn't actually literally mean it when I told her to take a hike and leave and this is something I would often say when we would fight because when I'm angry I feel like I mean it but whenever I would calm down I knew I didn't want her to actually leave. She of course eventually took it literally, and when she did leave this time she immediately started seeing another guy. How did I know? I used 'find my phone' on her iPhone at that time to track her very strange movements and pulled up on her one day while she was with another man. The man shit himself when he seen me, kicked her to the curb and drove off while texting her to forget him. Her reason for doing this was, "you kicked me out, we are not together, and I don't want to be with you". All that just because I didn't buy her chanel and louis vuitton designer bags that her friends boyfriends were buying for them. Me being the low self-esteem insecure loser, I ended up trying to once again work things out with her and reconcile our relationship because I was afraid to lose her and be alone. It's embarassing to admit this but that's the truth.
Again more years went by and I had noticed that a depression and anxiety struggle I had over the years was starting to get pretty bad. Luckily in 2018 I was able to cure my depression in the Amazon Jungle of Peru by participating in several Ayahuasca ceremonies but unfortunately it didn't do anything to help my crippling anxiety. After that trip when I came home from Peru and she was again beginning to show signs of discontent by comparing me to other peoples boyfriends and was giving me a hard time every single day about stupid shit. She was telling me I don't do anything for her, despite over the years sending her on so many vacations with her friends and giving her thousands of dollars of spending money, bankrolling her business she started and so much more. I was taking so much of this from her on a daily basis that it was driving me insane to where I told her once again during the heat of an argument to take a hike if she thinks I'm so bad and of course she did just that. She never stopped to think of all the things that I have done for her but only seemed to focus on what I wasn't doing for her.
After she moved out we still talked regularly and I started noticing she was acting a bit weird. One night I asked her to go out for dinner and drinks and when we got back to the house she passed out drunk and so I went through her phone. I immediately went to her texts and found out she was seeing someone and the texts indicated it was potentially and most likely physical and so of course I lost my shit. I woke her up and confronted her about the texts and I will never forget the smirk she had on her face. I couldn't believe that once again she would do this and especially after fighting over dumb shit like comparing me to others. Everything I learned about this guy she was now seeing indicated she got with him because he appeared to have money. I felt this because she ridiculously and shamelessly stated she liked his Mercedes G-Wagon and all the comparisons to other people and the bad influences she had around her was obvious to me. Sadly, I again let myself down and begged her like a little bitch to stop talking to him and she was not wanting to this time. I was so fucking pathetic that I paid her a very very large six figure sum of cash to come back to me and to leave this guy. Before the cash offer she wasn't showing interest to come back but once I mentioned the money and bought her some jewellery, she suddenly was warming up to wanting to come back to me. I did, however, throw some contingencies in there that she had to come with me to Peru to participate in Ayahausca ceremonies because I felt like she had some serious internal issues and traumas that she also needed to sort out to change for the better. I felt like the reason she was always behaving so reckless and so concerned with other peoples lives and all these comparisons was because of some deep rooted traumas. I say this because she grew up without a father and without money so this is something I always considered about her and kept in mind. Participating in Ayahuasca circles really opened my eyes to trauma and behavior issues we humans have from stuff in our childhood so I knew all these messed up things she's doing stems from a root cause of something in her early life experience. It was certainly the reason why I needed healing because I had my own traumas from my childhood that was affecting my life and behavioir as well. Anyway, she hesitantly agreed and we went to Peru together. When we were in the jungle I felt her energy during one particular Ayahuasca ceremony and she seemed very scared and showing a side of her that I didn't see before. I knew right then and there that she is suffering from something in her soul that that she wasn't even aware of. I always did notice and pickup on her very serious lack of self awareness that she still seems to struggle with to this very day.
We got back home and everything seemed alright. I started noticing she was different in a way I hadn't witnessed before. Different in terms of her energy and her aura. One day she suddenly out of no where told me "after ayahuasca, looking back on myself, I feel like I was possessed by something very dark considering how I used to behave" .. She was referrng to her reckless beahvior and essentially saying she can't even believe her own past behavior and feels like she wasnt herself and now she is waking up and snapping out of it. I swear to god I cried tears of relief when she said this to me and I felt like maybe, just maybe we can have a normal life now. She also at this same time made a promise to me that she would never ever repeat those same behaviors again and that even if we were fighting one day and separated temporarily on a break for whatever reason, that she would give me the respect of letting me know before she talks to or dates any other men. Sounded very good to me of course.
Well, unfortunately Ayahuasca isn't a one trick pony and often times it requires many many ceremonies to fully heal deep rooted subconscious traumas and if you don't go back and finish what you started, you can slip back into old habits especially if you don't put in the work to change from the lessons you learn. I can only speak for myself and can say that I was still not doing too well with my anxiety and I wanted to go back to Peru again to do more work on myself. This time I left to Peru in 2021 and when I came back she was again suddenly being so nasty and mean to me when I was in an energetically sensitive state. Once again every single day back to comparing me to other men who shower their women with money and saying I never do anything for her like the entire past 17 years of everything I did for her, giving her cash, jewellery, vacations and cars all was nothing. The past didnt matter, it only mattered what I was doing for her in the moment. She drove me so insane for six months straight that one day I blew up and told her to either stop or get out. She decided to pack up and move out on her own. I tried to stop her but she didn't and she went anwyay. Some months went by and we would talk on the phone and she would tell me she realizes she has a lot of work to do on herself and that she is trying to heal herself. I told her great, I'm happy to hear that and I really did feel like maybe she might need this time alone to heal and it could possibly be what she needs. Well, unfortunately for me, she once again revealed to me a little over a month ago that she is talking to another man AGAIN and despite promising me she wouldn't do so without talking to me first, she did anyway. Her reason for breaking her promise is "were not together and I owe you nothing". She went as far as showing me text messages between her and this man from the USA and I asked her why she would rub that in my face and she said "I showed you that text so you can see that there are real men out there who wont just give bread crumbs to their woman". According to her, all I ever gave her was bread crumbs despite spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of my own money on her over the years, I am now being measured up with random men she met on dating apps. Here's the kicker, we dont live in the USA and she's been talking about wanting to move there for the last couple of years. Interesting how she now suddenly is speaking to a man online from there. You can draw your own conclusion on the motive for that.
The sad part of this all is that despite the resentment, I still love her......
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Well, there you have it. That's the story of my pathetic life. I imagine I will be shamed and told how much of a loser I am and I probably deserve it. Either way, I want to hear what some of you think.

I, 35 female, had been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, 45 male, for the last 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of how we met and what went on for the last 3 years of our relationship, I'm just going to get to the point.
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.

Hello!
Roughly two years ago, I got out of a very bad situation - and developed these anger issues after finally feeling safe :/. I tried therapy, but unfortunately I also have amnesia and therapy with regards to anger issues tends to target why you're angry, where it's coming from and processing that hurt - which isn't really possible in my case.
I was put on an antipsychotic for 6 months after I nearly kicked my dog, but it changed my personality entirely and I didn't even feel human again until I was off it. Now I'm on a mood stabilizer, which is great for reducing my overall bitchiness and it stops me from getting enraged over every small thing.
But I still have moments where I react disproportionately to something irritating, like today when I was walking my dog, she went off barking at something, and I tugged way too hard on her leash and sent her sprawling. She's okay, but :/
I'd like to have kids someday, and I know that if I don't work on this, I'll do the same to my kids. I see the general resources available on the subreddits about page, but I was wondering if anyone has other resources too for someone starting out? I've done plenty of DBT and CBT and it wasn't particularly helpful, so I'm not starting completely from scratch, but I'd really like to know if there are any other materials you suggest.
Thank you.

SO, for clarification, I don't post this here because I want to use ADHD as my excuse or excuse my emotional outburts at all,
But I am feeling so stressed because of how emotional I have been which is just making me more emotional which is just causing me to have more outburts which is causing stress-
You get the idea. I don't have emotional outbursts nearly as much in public but it does happen. Still, I just feel SO MUCH. Little things make me want to cry, when I get angry it happens all of a sudden without warning so it's hard to prepare for, and I just keep saying stupid things that esculate an already tense situation. I feel like my feelings must be valid, but they lose all credibility when I blow my top like I do...
If anyone here struggles with strong emotions, what strategies do you guys use to keep from damaging your relationships?
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(I have been through 4 different counselors, but I haven't found the right one, and my current procrastination since the last one five months ago is causing some tension between me and my partner as well)

I am friends with a girl called Grace. Grace was in a 3-year long relationship with a guy in middle school which ended up with her getting pregnant at 15 and giving birth to her son Jack (2M) when she was 16. He's great and a bit cheeky. Grace's relationship ended when it turns out her bf was incredibly toxic. There wasn't abuse but it definitely was not okay how they were treated. After that, she said she wasn't looking for anything. I asked her out at one point and she said "you're too good a friend" which I don't get but I took the rejection on the chin and thankfully nothing was awkward between us. I have very bad luck in the romance department, landing either a rejection or an abusive/toxic partner. My sex life is dead as well, always has been. I guess its made me bitter because the moment her new boyfriend, Rupert (20M) came on the scene, I instantly disliked him. We clashed a lot over our overprotectiveness of Grace. We've been through a lot together and I know how badly her last breakup hurt her. Eventually we let bygones be bygones but I still hate him. I asked Grace why she got with him despite not looking for anything, she said the opportunity just fell into her lap. I was angry at this but I hid it because I didn't wanna upset her.
Fast forward a month and I get the news that Rupert proposed to Grace, who said yes immediately. After one month. This both shocked and infuriated me. I know I'm just being bitter but I can't understand how she can have a kid and now a fiancé at 18 when I'm stuck with barely any friends, no love or sex life and even my closest friends, including Grace, barely reply to me once a week if I'm lucky. I'm happy for her but her entire reasoning was "when you know, you know" and I am convinced its gonna go horribly. Maybe I'm seeing red flags where there aren't any but something is just off about him and I'm scared of her being hurt again because they rushed into it. Today, Grace mentioned that she got a ring from Rupert (there wasn't one initially which surprised me) and its all bubbled to the surface and I can't sleep because of it, so here I am venting to strangers. I wanna tell her that its way too soon and its just being so lovestruck that she's not given herself enough time to gauge whether it'll work long-term with him.
Jack is also a big reason why I'm concerned. I don't want him losing a father figure so early in his life. He wasn't old enough to remember his bio father but he'll be old enough to remember Rupert potentially and I don't know what damage it'll do. Even if he doesn't remember, I'm nervous on how the negative effects on Grace will affect Jack. I'm not trying to get her to call the engagement off but I feel like I need to get off my chest that I think that getting engaged this soon, even if they're not getting married for years (according to Grace they're waiting), is a dumb idea as well as make sure she's thinking straight about this. WIBTA for telling her?

Please bare with me as this will be a long one, it's my first ever post on reddit.
TW of child loss.
I (32f) my FH (35m) are getting married august this year. We live in Australia in a different state to both sides of our family. As we thought instead of picking between the two states we are from, we will have it where we are now.
History as I know all you lot love the background stories. We met in 2019, through tinder(in the state we currently both are atm). It was love at first sight for me. I already had a son who in 2019 was 8yo. My son adorned my partner, he would talk about future siblings and us getting married. Which led my partner n I picking wedding songs and talking about marriage. In 2021 my partner n I were a bit rocky. But my world came crashing apart when I got a phone call my son passed in a car crash. I flew back to my home state and well as you can imagine I was a mess. My family which I hadn't spoken to in 4 years due to being accused for something I did not do. They found out I didn't. But long story short I was in the head space to nit pick. My sons funeral happened and well I just got left by all my siblings to do the clean up my self while they went to the after do. I missed it. I'm only one person and I got blamed and made to feel like crap for it. And a lot other shit. In other words three of my siblings are arseholes. If they dont get their way. My sister we'll call her Petal(24), brothers Steve (31) n Bob (27).
My partner n I always stayed in contact but we spilt as he was still in the state we met. His boss wouldn't let him take time off etc. In the beginning 2023 I came back to the state to organise my sons stuff. Realising this man kept everything of his and mine in the same spot. He still looked after my cat n dog after all that time also. We rekindled and both realised the flame was always still there for each other. So by September last year we were ready to move forward with life as short as it is announce to our family's save the dates. Via Txt as we both have huge families, we would save the money this way.
A few weeks go by. I get a phone call from Steve. (Whom I havent spoken to since before coming up here as I had enough of always being cancelled on or never picking up my calls or barely responding to my texts) So I was like why am I getting a call. Turns out I just got questions after questions... well statements 'you never asked me to move' 'mum will be staying with me not you on your wedding' 'im not babysitting joey' youngest brother 12yo we I stated he would be other brother Dale (second youngest 21- they are all my siblings from my mother's side) as they are always together when Dale visits. I just focused on the positive. I knew he was wanting me to bite. Then when I was explaining joey would be walking behind my nieces with my sons photo Steve interrupted when are you getting married and laughed. He then said no, His daughter wasn't going to be wearing a dress she'll be wearing the same as her dad... and laughed. at the beginning of his save the date I put 'Aunty would love niece to be a flower girl if she would like' Remember no contact since this phone call at all. So I thought he was joking as he laughed. He then started repeating she was wearing the same as him. He also asked why would joey be following them and as I was explaining what I was thinking as my son would've wanted his cousins up there with him. I got cut off. I just planned all this and I said no I asked and you never responded. You never said no even when I spoke about the dresses. Apparently I just don't know what no sounds like and I've not changed and she is HIS flower girl for when him and his partner get married. I understand wanting your child to be apart of your wedding.... hence why I was trying to do what I know damn sure my boy would have done - to the point if they weren't in the party he would walk up to them n get them to help throw petal down the isle. I was upset. He rambled on and yelled shit at me and hung up when I said well if you didn't want her being a flower girl you could've just said it straight out.
I am still upset but I'm only upset due to he only brought it up when I was talking about what my son would want. If he had a problem with it why didn't he say it before hand. Later mum(51) found out him n his partner were upset I was getting married before them ( they have been engaged since 2021 and no mention of a wedding date) and they didn't want their daughter being someone else's flower girl before hand. Which again I understand so why not say that instead of starting the shit?
The next day Bob decided to tell me he couldn't come to the wedding as he doesn't know what his life would bring him to be doing then 🤦🏼‍♀️
Anyway I start to move forward with wedding planning . I let a friend know, as i was going to ask her to be a Bm. After saying getting married she bloody laughed so hard like i told the most funniest joke ever.... her daughter came in she is still laughing n said ' can you believe they are getting married' while wiping away tears from her eyes she laughed so hard. So I decided not to mention the bm part. She later started telling me what I should do for colours, who the bms should be, that the best man wears something different to the groomsmen. Etc. It was getting out of hand and everytime I mentioned we had decided what we are doing already is was wrong .... until she decided to make a competition with my unaware mother 'she better wear a dress or ill look better then her. Maybe even you' so I cut her out of my social group, my partner still thinks she was just helping. He needs the fog to clear.
I ask my best friend who I have known since 2017 and who was still there for me through the hard time of my son passing and still is to this day. Kel(43f) to be my MOH. My two sisters Petal n Kay(28f on father's side) as bridesmaids. As iTs tHe rIgHt tHiNg to do 🤦🏼‍♀️ at first I thought petal would flake first. If it's not her way she'll make some sort of version (even if it's LIES) that you did her wrong. I picked the dresses they were more then happy to pay for them. $160 ish each(aus). Well Kay went Mia for a few weeks. Then in January this year asked me if the place accepted afterpay. I said I know they accept Kalana or what ever its called. N then she was busting her arse for me to check.... she had the website I asked if she had her flights and accommodation prebooked. Nothing. As I was going to offer to pay for the dress if she was struggling. So I offered for her to come as a guest. 2 weeks NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not answering my calls or texts that wasn't even about the wedding. Its now Feb. I ask my cousin to be a back BM she was more then happy n as I was on the phone to her Kay said ' im getting a job so it'll be all sorted' now Kay is a sister who will take advantage for other people's hand outs. Where we are the closer to august you leave it your looking at 1600 n back minimum. N the week we are getting married not only with it be tourist session but race day also ( we forgot about race day 😅) After explaining this to her she decided with many more weeks in between she'll not come to the wedding at all.
So then it was my BF, petal and cousin.
Two weeks ago I got asked by my fathers (he is a dead beat) sister if he was invited. Long story short, I'm the child he never wanted. He never met my son at all while he was alive and loves to cause drama when it's not about him. He was a junkie when I first met him. So I politely said sorry no he is not and sorry for putting you in this position.
Just up until last week petal flaked. Family drama was happening and I pulled her up on her lies she had put in a group chat. She hadn't spoken to me since May. She would read the wedding chat but not respond. And I found out she had me on mute. Laste week I messaged her on the group chat, our private chat and text her can you aleast let me know whats going on. She came back with ' im not coming nor will I be in your wedding' I thanked her for letting me know. Went in the group chat for the wedding n she had already removed herself. N I blocked her shortly after my mum called. Mum had asked if I had heard from Petal. I told her what happened. Well, mum Being a mum was like 'ill get to the bottom of this' She asked why are you not part of the wedding anymore. My sister turned n said its not of your business. N then said I blocked her from the chat a while ago and I have not once messaged her n I'm mean. Mum caught her out n said she seen her lil picture keep up with the messaged just today etc. N she just banged on how no one understands her. So I blocked her.
I have now asked for my partners Sister to be a bm and she's more then happy to and I paid for her dress straight away so it should arrive to her before she is due to come up.
I found out in April my son will finally be a older brother like he always wanted. This is a miracle baby as I've had a few health problems with my uterus. To the point doctors said I might not even be able to do IVF. My partner n I are over the moon. I am in a a place where I'm happy and upset because my son is not here to witness what he always wanted. We have only told those that have been supportive, mu mum Dale and joey and my Sil.
All the stress of just my family has taken its toll. We have already paid majority of the wedding off and can't elope. I've lost all happiness for our day. I'm scared my father will rock up (he is spiteful like that) n im just deflated. With the add stress of being now 12weeks pregnant and still worried I could lose it at any point.
I have gotten all their jewellery, personalised pjs since Kay was involved. Personalised gifts and im paying for their hair and make up.
Kel my Moh is ready to go on a witch hunt. She's pissed that I have let it all go on for so long. So I'm trying to see if I am in the right or if I am in the wrong.
Am I being the Arsehole ? Bridezilla? Just feels no matter what happens in my life it's not good enough. If anything needs clearing up please let me know. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou in advance And if anyone has any advice ? Thankyou

I'm going to add every ounce of context here that I can, and please, please don't comment at me being harsh or anything about my decision making here.
Previous Context:
I was in a 3 month relationship with a woman and we were both 25 at the time. During this relationship, she was horribly domestically violent. She broke my nose while I was driving, cheated on me, she would send nudes to other guys when she was mad at me, manipulated me and a bunch of other things I don't want to get into at this time. Needless to say, it was bad, dude. I walked into that relationship happy as a clam and walked out so different my parents (who I have never been overly close to) noted a massive change in my demeanour.
Shortly after breaking up, we discovered she was pregnant. For the first month or so, I was completely disassociated, and I couldn't talk to her without getting super super angry at her. I was so panicked by the news of being tethered to her for 18 years. But I eventually got it together, I provided support where I could while she was pregnant, got the nursery furniture, got a good job and worked hard and did all the dad things I was supposed to do.
Around December that year, It was revealed that the person she cheated on me with was a candidate for father as well, which wasn't great to learn, but shortly after the birth, he was ruled out through a paternity test. Which I did not get. So at this point in time, I am still the assumed father.
I didn't meet my son until 12 weeks old, when he was in the hospital for malnutrition and she couldn't stop me from seeing him. That's when child protective services got involved. And were involved for some time. But eventually, deemed that my son was safe and left it alone.
The first 2 years of his life, my ex was volatile. She would bounce between being really nice and hostile. And admittedly, I'd bite back, especially when it was about my son's safety. She was on different drugs and stuff, while I was clean and sober but eventually has stopped that behaviour since and is being a pretty good mum now. I think it must've taken some time for her to adjust, I guess... This whole time though, I haven't been on my son's birth certificate, and she has always held the typical "You're never gonna see him again!" over my head whenever she didn't get her own way. Until she got a restraining order against me for what the police even said are "Dogshit reasons" and then continued to threaten me with the restraining order until she eventually had me arrested, I was able to prove my innocence, thankfully. But she constantly made it difficult to see my son, it was always like I had to pay to see him, she had to benefit from it.
Fast forward to the end of 2022:
Towards the end of 2022, She was barely letting me see him, before I ended up moving back to my home town due to the housing crisis, I had only seen him once in a month. I would call and text, I would email and she would not budge. I didn't see him for 2 months and then got some time with him for Christmas, then again didn't see him for 3 months.
2023:
2023 was a crazy year, I was in a very bad relationship and I was doing my best to have a relationship with my son. I was engaging in mediation and we came to a great agreement. However, shortly after, I was able to visit my son and after that visit, she became very hostile and kept trying to argue with me over trivial things. (Like I wanted to do my own Christmas photos with my son, rather than send her $150 towards hers) I mentioned wanting to do a paternity test on him, for peace of mind and the birth certificate documentation and she said "I'll put you on his birth certificate but I'm not doing all that other bullshit" One August morning, she rung me 76 times in 2 hours over child support (I pay $200 a fortnight privately) and stressed me out and made me panic so much I called the police to make a note of it for any potential family court. The police filed for basic restraining order against her, she could still contact me. AND THEN NOTHING
8 months of nothing. No contact, no replies to emails, nothing.
In that time, I was emailing my intentions to launch family court and everything, and she wouldn't reply. So I did it. I initiated Family Court. And then after the first court date, she rung me, she didn't want to go through family court. She asked for mediation. She let me see my son. It was such a quick change. I didn't back down, I said "This is where we're at, family court" She blames me for the stress she's under cause of Family Court, like I didn't spend months telling her how bad it would be.
For a month, she told me I should move back to the city to spend more time with my son, and I agree'd. But I moved back 2 weeks ago and she rung me on Day 1. and Said she was filing for me to see him 1 day a fortnight or not at all. My dad and my friends have said "Walk away, you can't live in a storm all your life" and want me to move back to my home town. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. Reddit, any advice?
tdlr; My son's mother just keeps making things difficult with my son.

I just want confirmation my parents are narcissist.
So... my mom has never really been loving. My dad had/had PTSD. It is his way or the highway. My mom will straight up tell people "I learned to ignore him", "I never wanted another kid, I should've got my tubes tied after the first one, his dad is the only reason I didn't get an abortion". She will buy me things, and then when i'm telling her she is acting horribly yelling at me for something minimal (not writing a note in the cashapp for example) and then say "I wasn't treating you horribly when I bought you this thing earlier!!"
I don't remember the last time I got a hug from either one of my parents.
My parents never actually helped me get my license, they claim they "Tried to teach me!!" but got about 20 driving hours for me, refused to fill out the time sheets, and would yell and freak out at every mistake I made on the road. They bought me a barely driveable $900 grandam @ 18 after I was told i'd get a new car when I graduated (I am 22 and graduated in 2020) I was expecting like a decent condition 2007-2008 car that would reliably get me from point a to point b but was bought a 2002 wrecked grandam with hood latches due to deer wreck damage and struts so bad that the back end would slide out from under it on minimal potholes and tires that I had the fill back up daily to keep it off the ground. $900 car that required $2000 worth of repairs. I had to eventually buy my own car (they never helped me fix it depaite my dad being a literal jet mechanic) and drive it back and forth from work illegally until I got good enough at driving to get my license, because it was apparently easier for my mom to continue driving me to work on her lunch break and picking me up from work at 7 then to spend a few weekends and hours after work some days with me preparing for a drivers test. They then sold the car randomly and were planning on pocketing the money until I told them hell no that was my 18th birthday gift and that was my money.
Both my mother and my dad would get physically aggressive and spank pretty excessively but not to the point where I was like "this is abuse". As I grew older and grew to be a bigger teenager it turned into them moreso actually trying to physically fight me, me running as to avoid a fight as they yelled things like "I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR F***ING HEAD OFF" and locking myself in my room or running around outside until they were no longer violently angry.
One time I got a full blown blender thrown at my shoulder as a kid because I didn't help my dad find his shoes when he was late to meet some of his work friends, he also in that instance chased me a quarter way down our street (thankfully I was like 16 5'10 and fast) before going home and cooling down.
One time he also threw a tape measure at my shin and I still have a mark in my shin bone from that.
Lots of promises that were never kept and were forgot about. "If you help me with this massive months long hard process I will buy you shing expensive thing" helps and never gets said thing but gets yelled at the whole time for not doing things "the right way"
My mom also called me ugly as a kid, told people in front of me (and I quote) "Yeah I was pissed when he came out with red hair, i don't like red heads!"
She would tell people I was a little bastard and would tell them the amount of adhd medication I was on and how it was enough for like 2 adults (i already started questioning why the hell I was on that amount of adhd medication in the first place, i was basically m37hed out on adderall and vyvanse and concerts as a 7-14 year okd kid)
One time she bought me a pokeball as a kid at walmart, and our way home I did something she didn't like and she grabbed the pokeball and chucked it out the window and bragged to people about it
One year my brother got a laptop and an ipod and some other stuff and ya boy got some action figures
My mom thrrows a fit that I don't "contribute in the house" or clean when I stick to my area of the house, don't use the kitchen or dishes (i have my own dishes I use and I eat out mainly so i don't have to deal with them) and don't created that messes that need to be cleaned up and I keep my areas of the house clean. I could probably go count 7 wrappers and 6 pop cans and 3 plates down on our kitchen bar right now and I do not spend any time in the kitchen but I am apparently supposed to clean that stuff up as well as do the dishes that I don't use.
My dad will say "Here i'll tell you what you need to do" and if I do anything other than agree with him he will say "well then you're f***int stupid"
My dad would get violently angry at you if there was a tiny piece of lettuce in his taco or anything but meat and cheese on his burger and if you laugh at him for how ridiculous he is reacting he redirects that anger and amplifies it towards you
My parents and brother would kinda gang up and do things that would "trigger" me and laugh and yell at me when I reacted badly.
I just want confirmation that this is narccisism. I've been looking for what to call my experience with my parents for a while and I think this is it.

To start with i am f20 and my older sister is f24. We have younger siblings which is f16 and f13.
My sister and i have grew apart within the years. As i got more mature i realised my sister never a sister to me.
Recently we start living together in our parents house again because she quit her job and i am a fresh drop out college student. After years not living together, it feels weird.
She and i have different ideas, different lifestyle. I don't like hers and she don't like mine. We have arguments and fights for that. But i have two major fights with her that deeply hurt me.
The first one.
On that day, my family are currently having dinner. My younger sister is telling me about her day at school. She look proud telling about how her peers and teachers loved her. I keep listening quietly and didn't say anything as i wait for her to tell all the story.
My older sister on the other hand, did not do that. She keeps butting in and saying "that doesn't happen" or "that's not really cool" to her. My younger sister instantly got quiet after that and i noticed her changes in her expression.
I start thinking to myself that i would hate if that happens to me so i start defending my little sister. My older sister start to get angry and saying i am putting negative thoughts into her head and trying to make little sis hate her.
I reply by saying she should be considerate for other people. She got angrier and start yelling for me to be quiet. She said I'm not as good as i think i am.
I know. I never said i was good person. But at least i try to be better.
When she yelled at me, i got angry. I start yelling too. I said I'm defending little sis. That quickly turns into screaming match. Now i am a person that cries easily. So i started crying and telling that she never act like an older sister to me. She never treat me like a little sis. The least she could do is try to watch out for other's feelings.
She didn't listen and run back inside her room. She and i didn't speak for quite some time. And after we speak again, she just act like nothing happened while i remember every single thing.
I hate it when she would make little comments about everything i do. She would go absolutely apeshit if i gave her the same energy.
I love cooking and i would always try to learn and cook new recipes because i wanna eat them. Whenever i cook, her first reaction is insults my cooking saying it doesn't look good and horrible. Second is she would ask for my food. She would always, ALWAYS ask for my food.
Fast forward to today, during this time we had small arguments here and there but never big. Today my mother ask me to cook because she is tired. So i start preparing the ingredients and start cooking.
My older sis and younger sis comes to the kitchen that time. I start to feel a little annoyed because i know she will ask for it. It's not i don't want her to eat, i hate it when i would spend hours cooking alone and she would comes out her room, eat the food and return back to her room.
Our arguments started when my older sis and younger sis are talking about something. I didn't join the conversation until my older sis start to ask me something. So while cooking, i to them. Then, my sister brings up something that i use to do YEARS ago. Mind you that it was extremely sensitive topic for me.
So my mood start to changes. I told my mother to continue my cooking because i don't want to do it anymore. Then my older sis start to get a little mad. She said i shouldn't get offended because she was only joking and that i can't take a joke.
I reply back by saying i don't want to cook for lazy people. That's when she got angry. She said she don't even want my cooking because it's horrible. Everything i cook is horrible.
Who doesn't get angry at that? So i asked her if my cooking is that horrible, why she always ask me for my food? She answer that she just want to have taste test. She said she would never ask for me anything again.
I reply by saying i don't believe her because this isn't the first time she said that. I bring up the fact that she literally borrow my money and asked for my food two days ago.
Then she start telling me to be quiet and get mad at me. She ask why i want to start arguing. I was absolutely baffled because she's the one that starts this. So i asked her why she suddenly said that my cooking is horrible.
She keep telling me to be quiet and i keep asking her. I wanna know what gives her this audacity to be a brat. But she doesn't answer and quickly went back to her room
I started crying after she left and she said i was being dramatic. Because she don't want to listen to me, i texted her. Here's what i said:
"You should joke around stuff like that and expect people not be offended. You shouldn't joke like that because you would go wild if people jokes about your sensitive stuff. You never treated me like a little sister. I want you to know what you're not my sister anymore and hadn't been for a long time. I have friends that would act more of a sister to me than you'll ever be."
After that i blocked her contact.
So, am i the asshole for this?

Excuse if this is a little messy. I hardly use reddit, and this entire situation is stressing me out to the point of shakiness and illness. On that not, onto the story.
So, for a bit of context, I am a very, very new adult. I just graduated high school, and I've never had the best relationship with my family besides my mom and brother. I was still very distant from my mom because of some slight neglect in the past. I don't blame her for it because she's a single mom and was working a very hard job.
Extra context, my mom had also been planning a California trip. She had changed the plans every other day. Me and my fiance couldn't keep up with it, especially because he had a work venture there.
The past few months, I had been going out with my boyfriend, now fiance ( we'll call Ax ). My mom had been pretty hard on me because of this. Saying how, "I'm not home enough," and, "I need to help with (this this and this)." So, I was already getting a little fed up. I just wanted an escape from the house which is honestly not a very healthy living space due to my fairly slobbish family. Everytime I would go home she would bombard me with stuff, which I never had to do before, so it made me want out more.
I'm just going to summarize the build up by saying, there were quite a few arguments and she never seemed to listen to me. I also have a super hard time communicating my feelings and confrontation so participating in an argument is a big deal.
Now we get to the big night. The last thing we "talked" about was the California trip and how Ax's parents won't let him go if we stay at her friend's house. She got upset and stormed off. Me and Ax were upset so we went to his birth mom's ( we'll call her Cat ) house to take a break. It didn't really help. I had gotten fed up with all of the arguing and bitterness from my mom. All of the snide comments to Ax. I texted her that I was moving out and wasn't going on the California trip. ( I was moving into Cat's house. )
Now should I have texted her? Probably not, but texting helps me form my thoughts into words. I express more clearly through text, and shut down on the phone and especially in person.
She calls and I freak out and hand the phone to Ax. Mistake number 2. A bit about Ax, he is very very protective of me, especially with some of the stuff I've told him about my family and my dad. He doesn't want me to go through the same thing again. He's also a big jokester but is autistic so he doesn't really get when not to do some of his joking tones and words. They also come off as very disrespectful sometimes and he was kind of tired of her. So my mom is angry.
She tells me to come home within 5 minutes. I very shaky get in the car and we head there. We get there and she takes the keys to the car and my phone. Tells me to come inside and talk alone. Now, I get where she's coming from, but I HATE feeling cornered. I need someone else there by my side or I just shut down. It socks and makes things a lot harder with this kind of stuff. Now the rest is a but of a blur but she gets aggressive. No physical violence, but she does get in my face. I back up and she starts acussing me of telling people I'm violent though I haven't. It blurs again and suddenly I'm packing my things and leaving. My brother (15) by my side sad to see me leave this way.
The night goes by and I hear nothing from her. The next day she texts. I don't remember many of the texts, but I do remember being stressed out and not replying to things often. I tell her I need some time.
Few days go by with few texts I answer and a couple calls I don't. Then we get to church just a few days after the big night and an argument over text starts. She acusses Ax of lying, stealing, and vandalizing her car. The "lying" was a joke he made about his origins that I took seriously at first, I am a very slow person, that he had not realized I took seriously until very very later on. On the stealing, he had not stolen from some of the places acussed, but we did have a separate incident that was true. However, he's done his best to make it up and has not done anything like it since. He got punished by me and his parents. She still thinks he should've gotten worse. He's especially tried to make it up to my mom because he had lost her full trust and she was very obvious about it and still hasn't forgiven him to this day. The vandalizing was him working on the car, but not fixing it fully, because, we'll, she took the car before he could.
I talked about getting my legal documents, the entire point I was texting her in the first place, she brought up Ax herself. I misunderstood her and thought she was wanting to keep them from me so threatened legal action. I won't go deep into this because I'm not a lawyer, but ultimately it was more a threat to get my stuff. She said that I could get my stuff from the garage. Remember when I told you that my family was slobish? Yeah, I have no clue where these documents are and the garage is stacked to the sealing so it's going to take me a bit. I don't want to, but it's the only way to get my documents.
I completely give up at this point. I already said I needed a bit of time, but she continued to text. When I didn't answer email me a mental health line. The only times I would talk to her was to get my stuff. She started making facebook posts warning about toxic relationships, and how losing loved ones without making peace is terrible. This continues for a bit then stopped a couple days ago. The last thing I got, just a few hours ago, was an email. I will be quoting it word for word but changing names blah blah, you know how privacy works.
"Hi, [deadname]! I hope everything is going well for you.
I just wanted to take some time to explain some things. I wanted to tell you these things in person because it really does matter. Reading something is far different from hearing how someone says it. Arguments and misunderstandings should always be fixed in person.
First and foremost, I love you. I would do anything within my power for you. I have always been there for you and I want to continue being there. It breaks my heart that you don't want anything to do with me. I've tried to make you feel loved and supported. I've been active in your interests and activities. I even played Minecraft for you... (Haha)
I wanted to talk to you privately because we will never be able to fix things between us if someone else is involved. And honestly, it's no one else's business. I've never physically or intentionally hurt you so there is no reason to be scared to spend time with me.
What I have tried to tell you through text, is that I did not blow up because you wanted to move out. My response was that we would talk when you got home. That was not blowing up and this is why it is important to communicate in person rather than via text. I wanted to know your plans and see if I could help or add some suggestions that might help. I blew up because of the disrespect. I was being treated like I was nothing and like I've done nothing for you. I tried to explain that I wasn't mad about you wanting to move out. I'm not sure why you thought I would be since we've been talking about it for 6 months.
I apologize to you for how I handled my thoughts and feelings about [Ax]. It shouldn't have been handled that way. I'm not mad that either of you made mistakes. I was mad at the lack of taking ownership of said mistakes. I was mad that I was lied to again when I called out those mistakes.
I just want us to work through this. I love you. I will always love you. I want to help you if and when I can. I always want to be a part of your life. I am hurt that you can so easily throw away our relationship because of one argument. I am hurt that you're acting like I've done something for you to be afraid of me.
My door is always open and I'm always just a phone call away.
Love, Mom"
It makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm actually unsure if I'm being to harsh on her. AITH?
TLDR; I move in with my fiancé. Arguments with mom as she acusses us of things we didn't do besides one thing. Im tired and stressed so go almost no contact. I get an email from her making me rethink my position on the matter.
Edit 1 and 2: Updates to layout of the post.

So, there's this girl, I'll call her Kacy.
Kacy, she's incredibly aggravating and I'm torn between giving in and just being aggravated or defending her to myself and force myself to like her.
She is sweet, and she is smart, but holy shit. It's just everything with her. She's incredibly sensitive, constantly trama dumps, gets herself into preventable awful situations, and is generally just a buzz kill.
She has autism, and she uses that as an excuse for everything. Her autism isn't the issue, almost all of my friends either have autism or ADHD, including myself, but it's like she is using it as an excuse to not learn. She keeps saying how difficult it is to be the oldest in the friend group [she isn't in our friend group] whenever any of us make any jokes about literally anything [we're all 17, she's like a month older than the next person] but then in the same breath will say "I can't help it, my autism gives me the brain of a 12 year old." Like, make up your mind, are you too mature for us or are you just a baby?
Currently, she's engaged to a guy she just met. Her parents are angry, understandably, they've never met him. She keeps saying how she's so scared and how she's gonna get kicked out and how her parents are furious, but when we told her to just break up with him until she's stable enough to support herself, she refuses. She says she can't hide it for however long that is.
Now, me and my friend, who are both Actually hiding stuff from our parents that could get us kicked out or worse, tried explaining to her that this relationship isn't worth her life. I think it's the first one she's ever been in. She refuses to listen. She's engaged but she acts violently repulsed if anything even hinting at being promiscuous mentioned.
She keeps asking us if we think she has a "dark side" or what the craziest thing we think she's done is. Like, Kacy, honey, you can't drive, you act like anything that would make my Catholic grandmother blush is a sin against humanity, you can't hide shit from your parents, and your guilty conscience is too much to bear. The most you've ever done was poorly try to hide this new fling you've got.
And she Never Fails to talk about how horrible her childhood was, completely ruining the mood. Shit about foster care, shit about her parents being strict, just venting 24/7. I get needing to talk to someone, but there's a time and a place.
I try to be tolerable, but I find myself dismissing everything she says. I'm sorry, I really am, but she's exhausting to be around. She can't relate to anything any of us talk about, the most current show she's seen was I Love Lucy, and I think if I ever hear her speak again I'm going to reach up my nasal cavity and yank my brain through the hole.
I'll admit, she's been through a lot, and she's been very sheltered her whole life, but damn girl. There's only so much I can take. I've tried my best to be loving and understanding to as many people as I can, but it's like she drains my ability to do so.

putting a tw for: body shaming at a young age, negative food talk, emotional neglect/abuse possibly, bad negative self talk, derealisation, body dysphoria issues, suicidal talk/depression, weight loss talk. plz be advised when reading or don’t if its too heavy.
also this is long, im just hoping someone would take the time to read and provide what they can. no one is obligated to read, thanks.
im genuinely starting to get upset and its killing me inside, when i look for support or any help anywhere there is none. all the content on instagram is targeted towards those who’ve made it past that age and survived having to cover up or not dress how they want. no one ever seems to care about the teen and tween girls who currently deal with this kind of stuff cause it seems to them it doesn’t exist anymore. its disappointing to see and shows i dont belong in any community so i’ve come here
im currently 17 and for the past multiple years ever since i started being heavier around the end of 5th grade it feels like my father has been more ashamed of his daughters body and has tried to cover me up and tell me what i should wear. im also dealing with covering up my severe depression and trauma so theres more thats kinda related to this but i dont want to stray off topic
when i was four my dad put me in the child acting industry based in la/weho. that wasn’t that traumatic for me honestly and didn’t take away from being a child but during that time my dad would sometimes get angry when i wanted a snack such as chips or a cookie, he would threaten me and be like “youre gonna grow as big as a house” or “of course you want the cookies”. keep in mind i was only in early elementary school around this time. and in fifth grade he signed me up for this shoot where it was some sort of tv pilot pitch where it was described as the biggest loser for kids and they had other slimmer kids on set that wore fat suits basically and i was the biggest one there. i belived i had to have a fitness routine at 11 in the fifth grade and started working out for two days
into middle school i started getting known for being a bigger girl but i remember around 7th-8th grade my dad kept saying how the clothes i had were too small when i was just trying to dress trendy or like similar styles like any middle school girl. if not that then it was stuff that was too “childish” or fit snug on me. this is when i started to feel totally repulsed about my body and dreaming about wearing what i wanted. and even to this day he periodically will get upset and disappointed in me being dressed down with my hair up just to do something mundane or for my therapy appointment. i was wearing hoodies or shirts with leggings. i remember when we were at six flags for my birthday and i was wearing a cute tank top that slightly showed a bit of tummy and he forcibly pulled the shirt down.
and getting into high school and up into this point he periodically, gets mad and upset when im wearing a certain outfit to go somewhere simple or drags me into the plus sized women’s section of kohls to look for clothes i don’t need and want. i remember when he took me to get my blood drawn i was on my period and wore pants that i typically do cause im uncomfy naturally on it and he got mad and i went into my room trying to calm down and not argue because its pointless with him, and i already knew he was gonna come in and go in my closet and tell me to change into a different pair of pants i don’t wear or what he liked. i always have to please what he likes or i should be wearing in my size.
up until recently he’s telling me i need to get a new wardrobe, that all my clothes are small when they just fit snug or my tummy shows through, (i go thrifting with my mom alot), and convincing me to shop in the plus sized women’s section of jcpenny and kohls. mind you he’s in his early 60s so i dont wanna hear “who still shops there” cause thats not making me feel better about myself at all. i remember he took me to see the women’s shorts and pants, all straight fitting long shorts that were two sizes too big on me. him sending me pictures of mens shirts that are oversized on me because i have some mens pants that i wear as jeans. when he took me shopping recently for athletic wear and told me i NEEDED new shorts and pants because the ones my mom gets are “too tight” when they fit me comfortably and the shorts i have to try on are long and big on me, i literally put them on and feel disgusting like im dressing for pe class, i dont say anything other than they just look plain in which he tells me im not supposed to look stylish at the gym and be comfortable. but when i wear them to the gym they keep falling down on me past half my ass no matter how much i have the draw string tied and im constantly pulling them up. when i have to struggle to not tell him i dont like any of the stuff he chooses for me or think fits since he gets mad and angry about it but also gets upset when i dont wear any of the things he gets me. and for the past two years i start to realize why he’s getting me to wear oversized or bigger clothes for me, because anything my size is too tight basically.
he’s told me my first cosplay i put together myself at fifteen looks raggedy and made me look like a street urchin, he didn’t let me get thin framed glasses i liked that were in our budget because my head was too wide for them and they just looked ugly to him, when he got a dress i needed for a cosplay in my size he made my mom try it on before i did and told me it was tight on her, said that the brand name suggested it was too small, kept telling i needed a bigger size, then when i tried it on and it fit perfectly he kept wondering if it was too tight. i dont even want to do any cosplay or get better cause of him and i cant even dress or put effort in outfits like i did in middle school. now i just feel like a burden cause of my body, something that needs to be hidden away, like everything is my fault because im bigger.
i feel repulsed and never take pictures, only when i feel like i should. my dad doesn’t take pictures of me anymore or puts up any photos of me in middle school or high school like he did my brother, only those photos of me as a young child. now im dealing with binge eating habits that affect me, weighing more than my parents, having shame about eating in public, feeling guilt when i eat, and not feeling like a person. even if friends take fun pictures of me i feel freaked out. im not living, and i dont know how im supposed to be accepted by this community when im forced to hate myself in real life and get jealous over those who’ve already made it past the shame in hiding themselves or appealing to society’s standards. and this is on top of processing me hiding my autism and severe depression and trauma. i dont want to keep dealing with thinner people who dont understand. and dont even ask if my mother is better, she just tells me that my dad would hate certain clothes and constantly nags me about having to shop at torrid. and im hoping to move out into a dorm around next year but this is something that’s killing me besides other things and i dont have any support because im the biggest person i know personally.

Hello everyone, I am a lurker of Naturalhair and I really need some advice. :( Scroll down for the TDLR, also sorry for the bad formatting and grammar, English is not my first language and I’m also typing this on phone.
I’ve been transitioning to natural since March 2020 (quarantine). Before, I’ve been using relaxers on my hair. I stopped using relaxers because I hated how much it burned my scalp and during January-February 2020, I felt a curl in the root my scalp and I liked the feeling of it 😭.
So, boom, March 2020 comes, before everything shut down, I told my mother that I wanted to do natural and I asked her if I can buy shampoo and conditioner. She agrees and I brought Shea Moisturizer Coconut and Hibiscus line. I washed my hair and I noticed my hair was half straight and half curly (transition stage). I was so eager to see the curls forming, and thought this was going to be a new chapter for my hair journey.
I started to wash my hair every Sunday because why not? One day, when I was getting ready to wash my hair, my mother stopped me and said “You don’t need to wash your hair every single week or every two weeks, you know?” I was kinda confused and said “I don’t?” Mind you, I was new at this and I was also watching youtube videos on how to do and style natural hair. She said “When you do natural, you braid hair to make it longer.” She offered to braid my hair since it was during the pandemic and everything was closed down.
So she braided my hair and I left the braids for about 2 months. (March-May). Then I left my natural hair out, let it breathe for a week, washed and blow dry, got braids again. (late May-early August). I got my first sew in during late August for back-to-school and kept it in for October. Okay so you get the gist. I’ve been putting weaves/braids/wigs in my hair and have not been able to fully let my natural hair out to breathe, just letting it sit for one week and put a protective style. This fucking pattern went on from March 2020 up to late 2023.
So it’s late 2023, I had enough of this. I wanted to know how to fully take care of my natural hair. I won’t lie, protective styles did help my hair a bit, but I wanted to fully take care of my hair. At this time, I shampoo and conditioned my hair every two weeks.
One day, as I was finish washing my hair my mother look at me and said, “Your hair looks like a mess. All your hair will fall out!” I brushed it off because I’m used to her saying stuff like this ever since I started my natural hair journey. Every time when she comb my hair, she would roughly comb out my hair and say “See, look! Your hair is falling out.” I’m also very tender-headed so when she say stuff like this it hurts my feelings and my scalp. Literally when my hair is in the transitioning stage she said she hasn’t seen anything progress and wanted me to do a relaxer.
In March or April 2024, I was flat ironing my hair, my aunt came in, saw me, and said “Why don’t you put a wig!?!? You’re a grow up woman now! You don’t need to do natural hair!” She then roughly grabbed the back of my hair. I wasn’t sure if she trying to pull it or anything. Then my mother jumped in and said “I keep telling her that and she don’t listen!” So not only my mother disliked my natural hair, but my aunt did too. My heart shattered hearing those comments but I eventually got over it.
Last week, I did mini braids on myself, and I went to go see my mother, and she looked at my hair “Don’t you see that you look ugly without no hair?” I just walked away from her. Few days ago, I went out with my auntie and she asked me what was I going to do with my hair now. I told her that I’m just going to take care of it and she said I shouldn’t leave my hair like that. I just changed the subject.
Now a few hours ago, I went downstairs and my mother yelled at me about my hair once again, but this time she said “Just cut all your hair off if you can’t do natural hair. Can you even afford to do natural hair?? Do something with your hair or cut them!” I ran up to my room and literally cried. I am crying while typing this post. I know I shouldn’t but I’m very sensitive T-T
TDLR: I’ve been trying to take care of my natural hair for years now, my mother and auntie criticizes my natural hair and rather me put protective styles such as wigs and braids to not show my natural hair I guess.
Things I wanted to add to the story since the post is pretty long.
• I was fully natural by early-mid 2021.
• When I washed my hair during my back to back protective style stage, I did have a lot of breakage while washing my hair :(
• I’m NOT hating on protective styles by the way, I LOVE putting on braids/wigs/weave. I just didn’t want to put it on the time, you know.
• On October 2022, I blow dry + flat iron my natural hair for my cousin sweet 16. I played a role in her birthday party court. There was seven girls including myself, and 4 of them were wigs and 3 of them plus myself included were natural. My mother told my cousin that she didn’t like the way my hair looked and wanted me to purchase a wig but obviously it was too late.
• Lately, I’ve noticed my mother has been giving me weird looks when I have my hair out. When I wear wigs she always see my face first, but when my hair out she look at my hair, then becomes angry.
• Outside of my home, a lot of people in my workplace like when I have my natural hair. When I did a high puff, one of my professor said I had “nice hair” I do two puffs in my hair for work and people usually find them cute. Someone said I look like Minnie Mouse hehe :) I hope that’s a compliment. Also someone that worked in a different department of my workplace looked at me and said “I love your hair, please keep doing natural” I was kinda surprised to hear that too.

I 24M, have been dating my NB22 boyfriend for a little over 1 year. We recently have both escaped abusive situations, and he is recovering from a particularly nasty break-up(we are poly, their bf dumped them on the street while they were struggling with unemployment and it REALLY messed him up), we currently live together.
Important information: I am DX AuHD, trying to get medicated for it, and I suspect I have some form of DID/OSDD. I struggle a lot with memory, it's just something I can't be consistent with. It's frustrating, and it makes remembering to do chores around the house agony. I've been trying to cope by asking for lists of things to do from my live-in bf, so I have a physical reminder of tasks to complete. I also ask for help from my headmates, and sometimes it works, but they are just as AUHD as I am and we're really sick and tired of it affecting people around us, which is why we're hoping getting medicated will help. The thing is, my bf doesn't always have the energy to write out lists for me and I don't want them to be carrying me, basically. I've asked for a permanent list that I can keep on my phone, so he doesn't have to keep reminding me, but he brushed me off.
When we first started dating, I wrote up a little manual for them, detailing how I learn and think and how my moods work and what to do in case of XYZ scenario. I know that my AUHD makes me a lot. I know it makes me a really bad and forgetful partner whos best doesn't meet the bar. I asked my bf if he could write a manual for themselves, so I can better navigate my relationship with them. They keep saying they don't have time or energy. I wanted to let them know what they were getting when they chose to date me, and they have told me that I've made it clear to them, but I don't know if they're saying that just to please me now. I don't expect them to be at 100% all the time, but I want to know that I can rely on them for the occasional reminder or push in the right direction when I lose track.
We've also been struggling with money a lot lately. I was able to finally land a part-time job, even though it's not nearly enough to cover everything. I'm looking for a second job while selling(or, trying to) my art on the side. Every month, my bf has a breakdown about not being able to cover rent. Naturally, I mirror his distress. He's told me I need to stop treating it like life or death, but they have panic attacks about the rent like clockwork every month. I don't know how else they expect me to react if they're always on the verge of a mental break every month, crying and shaking and repeating out loud "we're not going to make it. They're gonna evict us." I don't know what they expect me to say or do in that situation. I tried asking them about it and they didn't give me an answer that made sense. "Stop worrying" and "you need to be okay with me being okay eventually", which sounds like fucking nonsense.
In the past, they asked me to offer help more often. So I do, when I wake up I ask, "Anything I can help with today?" When they're distressed or upset I ask if there's anything I can do to change the environment or my actions so that they feel safer. I try cooking for them, something I enjoy doing, and I'll offer to cook for them and they'll say no.
After all this, they got angry with me because I'm sick and there was meat(that he took out) on the counter defrosting, he'd wanted me to put it away. I was sleeping and getting up to puke pure mucus, I never even knew he'd taken out the meat. He questioned me, asked if I was really that sick, and all I could do was nod. My voice is shot, my throat is sore and dry and sandpapery. I'm leaking snot by the bucketful and my eyes are puffy and gross from inflamation. They asked me why I hadn't been helping or cooking for them, and I told them. "Every time I offer, you say there's nothing I can do. I offered to cook for you these past few days and you rejected me. I'm trying to do what you asked of me, but you tell me no, so I listen to that no. What do you want from me?" And all they could say was "Sometimes I don't know."
I've never felt so fucking defeated. Six months of this, and I can't do anything right. I don't know if it's genuinely just me or if it's something with my bf. I'm questioning our compatability, I don't know what to do and I don't know how to correct things. I asked what I could do, and was told nothing, and now they're angry at me for doing nothing.
What the hell do I do? Sorry if this is long and rambly, I've stressed myself out to the point of a migraine, and I'm still sick. Any advice would be appreciated.
TLDR: My boyfriend asks me to do one thing, I do so, and he rebuffs me, then gets angry at me. What the hell do I do?

So... my mom has never really been loving. My dad had/had PTSD. It is his way or the highway. My mom will straight up tell people "I learned to ignore him", "I never wanted another kid, I should've got my tubes tied after the first one, his dad is the only reason I didn't get an abortion". She will buy me things, and then when i'm telling her she is acting horribly yelling at me for something minimal (not writing a note in the cashapp for example) and then say "I wasn't treating you horribly when I bought you this thing earlier!!"
I don't remember the last time I got a hug from either one of my parents.
My parents never actually helped me get my license, they claim they "Tried to teach me!!" but got about 20 driving hours for me, refused to fill out the time sheets, and would yell and freak out at every mistake I made on the road. They bought me a barely driveable $900 grandam @ 18 after I was told i'd get a new car when I graduated (I am 22 and graduated in 2020) I was expecting like a decent condition 2007-2008 car that would reliably get me from point a to point b but was bought a 2002 wrecked grandam with hood latches due to deer wreck damage and struts so bad that the back end would slide out from under it on minimal potholes and tires that I had the fill back up daily to keep it off the ground. I had to eventually buy my own car (they never helped me fix it depaite my dad being a literal jet mechanic) and drive it back and forth from work illegally until I got good enough at driving to get my license, because it was apparently easier for my mom to continue driving me to work on her lunch break and picking me up from work at 7 then to spend a few weekends and hours after work some days with me preparing for a drivers test.
Both my mother and my dad would get physically aggressive and spank pretty excessively but not to the point where I was like "this is abuse". As I grew older and grew to be a bigger teenager it turned into them moreso actually trying to physically fight me, me running as to avoid a fight as they yelled things like "I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR F***ING HEAD OFF" and locking myself in my room or running around outside until they were no longer violently angry.
One time I got a full blown blender thrown at my shoulder as a kid because I didn't help my dad find his shoes when he was late to meet some of his work friends, he also in that instance chased me a quarter way down our street (thankfully I was like 16 5'10 and fast) before going home and cooling down.
One time he also threw a tape measure at my shin and I still have a mark in my shin bone from that.
Lots of promises that were never kept and were forgot about. "If you help me with this massive months long hard process I will buy you shing expensive thing" helps and never gets said thing but gets yelled at the whole time for not doing things "the right way"
My mom also called me ugly as a kid, told people in front of me (and I quote) "Yeah I was pissed when he came out with red hair, i don't like red heads!"
She would tell people I was a little bastard and would tell them the amount of adhd medication I was on and how it was enough for like 2 adults (i already started questioning why the hell I was on that amount of adhd medication in the first place, i was basically m37hed out on adderall and vyvanse and concerts as a 7-14 year okd kid)
One time she bought me a pokeball as a kid at walmart, and our way home I did something she didn't like and she grabbed the pokeball and chucked it out the window and bragged to people about it
One year my brother got a laptop and an ipod and some other stuff and ya boy got some action figures
My mom thrrows a fit that I don't "contribute in the house" or clean when I stick to my area of the house, don't use the kitchen or dishes (i have my own dishes I use and I eat out mainly so i don't have to deal with them) and don't created that messes that need to be cleaned up and I keep my areas of the house clean. I could probably go count 7 wrappers and 6 pop cans and 3 plates down on our kitchen bar right now and I do not spend any time in the kitchen but I am apparently supposed to clean that stuff up as well as do the dishes that I don't use.
My dad will say "Here i'll tell you what you need to do" and if I do anything other than agree with him he will say "well then you're f***int stupid"
My dad would get violently angry at you if there was a tiny piece of lettuce in his taco or anything but meat and cheese on his burger and if you laugh at him for how ridiculous he is reacting he redirects that anger and amplifies it towards you
My parents and brother would kinda gang up and do things that would "trigger" me and laugh and yell at me when I reacted badly.
My mom just told me yesterday that i'm a violent asshole and does my girlfriend know that she's going to have to clean up after me and help with the kids and dogs (she's projecting) and that we wouldn't last
I just want confirmation that this is narccisism. I've been looking for what to call my experience with my parents for a while and I think this is it.

I need to just let it all out and I just feel like this is the safest place. I’m 19 (f) found out i was pregnant middle of may and with in a week of finding out I then had a miscarriage. I got off birth control a while back bc my body just was breaking out in hives from every kind of birth control. My bf 19 almost 20 (M) and I use the pull and pray method, i knew the risk and didn’t mind as we’re going onto 3 three years and just being careless. Well with that being said I missed my period in beginning of May and after not getting it for 13 days i went and bought tests. (my periods use to be very irregular so it wasn’t anything out of the blue). I went to work one day and that morning i had thrown up and had tons of gas in my stomach. I took 5 test all positive. I don’t have insurance at the moment and waiting to hear back and was just going to go the next week to a obgyn to confirm. When my bf 19 (M) found out he flipped out on me wanting an abortion and couldn’t believe i wouldn’t get one. I quote “i can’t believe you’re choosing this thing over me by not getting an abortion.” I couldn’t believe how he was acting and told him he had every right not to be in the baby’s life and can leave at or i can go somewhere else at any giving time, i knew the consequences and felt ready to be a mom after raising my siblings. He fought abt an abortion the entire rest of the week that I had found out and then by the next week something felt wrong. After i felt off the next morning i immediately went to planned parenthood to get checked out because i was absolutely covered in blood when i woke up. It made me so angry seeing so many woman getting abortions while i couldn’t stop crying over losing mine. I have always been pro choice in my beliefs but in that moment and still i just felt so much hate and jealousy because they’re killing their healthy babies (that’s me emotionally assuming). While i lose one that i wanted. They couldn’t confirm the miscarriage so I go tomorrow for an appt but i’m pretty sure i passed the fetus after looking at other photos. I haven’t stopped bleeding. It’s a constant reminder that my baby died. I love my bf to death but i can’t help but blame him and be mad at him about losing this baby. He fought so much with me abt an abortion could it have been the stress that caused me to lose the baby? He doesn’t even seem upset. The day after i went to doctors/woke up bleeding I cried in the bathroom for hours and he sat on videos games outside the open door. How do i stop feeling hate? When does everything stop reminding me that my baby died? When will i stop blaming myself and everything to one around me? Why didn’t anyone warn you how heart breaking it is to lose your baby.

I don't really want this to go viral or anything but sincerely just want to put all in one place all the things I know about the situation because I don't think it's with people I know irl....
TDLR: true off my chest, my mom is almost certainly emotionally cheating on my dad based on what he's told me and I know way too much about this situation.
My mom was the typical housewife when I was growing up, very young mom to another guy whose out of the picture entirely; I literally can't even remember the dude's face.
My real dad met her when she was still young, single mom and he still fell for her. He loves her so much. His devotion is really boundless for his family; he was a kind of typical dad when I was growing up, working long hours to move up the corporate ladder, make money to get the four of us out of an apartment and into a house. Us older kids, we were his kids, no doubt about it, even when they had two more kids.
He wasn't perfect. He got angry when he dealt with shitty clients all day and came home to a chaotic household. He would get mad/sulky if I didn't great him at the door. He spanked the boys. He broke the glass table once, when he was really angry.
At the time, obviously, my mom was the stay at house mom, cooked and cleaned.... With hindsight, I think her child rearing could've really used some work. We were left alone a lot, her still in the house, but working on finishing school. We were put into after school activities to keep us engaged, but she never really played with us or gave us activities like I feel a stay-at-home mom should. She let me tell her about her day, but she never really engaged with what I said to her, just listened. Maybe she didn't listen.
I remember one time she had a college class and I can't even remember how old I was.... maybe 4? But she left me outside the class as it got dark, because she knew I was a good kid and wouldn't go anywhere.
They were probably too young for this many kids, or maybe even kids at all. Us older kids definitely contributed to raising the other two, we'd babysit on date nights, etc. Not often. But enough.
But my parents eventually made their way to a couples therapist. things got a lot better, for a few years. My dad worked on his anger issues, mellowed out a lot, and they became all about the love languages and how to love each other and us well.
When I moved out for the first time, things seemed good. They seemed stable at least.
But now, 6 years later things have felt.... Weird. What I type below is a mix of things I saw and things my dad told me.
With hindsight, my mom definitely has taken up a lot more space for herself. She works a lot of hours and put the youngest two into a LOT of extracurriculars. The youngest, she said, should be well rounded with their extracurriculars.
Sports. Music. Scouts. She wanted to put him in an art or language class to be "well-rounded". I personally feel like she just doesn't want to raise the kid after school. They're left home alone A LOT. As in, I will call them in the afternoon and they're home alone because everyone else is at work, or the gym or whatever.
I worry for that one.
During last Thanksgiving, my dad said my mom is starting to "blossom". She's always been an introvert, never had many friends, has been a touch judgemental, and stayed off social media. But now she's making work friends, engaging with the community and totally leaving my dad and the kids behind to some degree. She never invites anyone, they have to ask.
But he wants her to grow. He wants her to have friends, so he encourages it.
He starts stepping up around the house; with the pandemic, he became able to work from home half the week, so he does, he drives the younger kids when they need it, manages the house, even learned to cook.
My mom makes a new friend. A guy.
And she's had guy friends before. But my dad says the majority of her texts are with him. She's now on social media.... Posting things for him.
When they go to family events and things, she text him pictures of the events and pictures of herself... Nothing sexy as far as I'm aware, but I can't think of a single guy friend she'd be texting photos of herself unless he's gay and she's looking for fashion advice (he's not gay). And she always seeks him out.
My dad told me this, basically crying. This is the moment I think she may be emotionally cheating.
How can you spend all your time thinking about someone your not with, talking with them almost 24/7 unless you're intensely emotionally invested?
I personally fuck with the LGBTQ+ community, I think my mom is demi and this is so very very close to cheating, as close as you can get without touching.
SHe meets this guy a lot without my dad.
So my dad begs her to go back to couples therapy with him, and she does.
She puts up the boundary that my dad is not allowed to interfere with her friends, that he's just being overly jealous. The therapist poses the thought to my dad "if she decides to cheat on you, there's nothing you can do". The boundary, she told me. The words, my dad told me.
Obviously that hurts.
My dad asks her if she's in love with him (my dad). And she says no.
Obviously my dad is so hurt by this, but their time is up and they have dinner plans with friends.
My dad does not want to go. He begs her not to go.
She makes him go.
She makes him go put on a happy face with their friends when she just probably broke his heart.
I was there that night, for the holidays at that point. I sat with my dad, put a shoulder to his. I didn't know the details of it all, but I saw my dad texting their therapist and saw when he came home and it wasn't good.
When we get home, my mom says "so what do we want to do, family movie? Game night?" I balk. What the fuck is she talking about? Why doesn't she give a shit about my dad, someone she's spent twenty years with who's never shown her anything but devotion?
I say no, and entertain my siblings while my parents go upstairs and talk? for literally 3 hours.
I get called in when I'm getting ready for bed, trying to ignore anything coming from their room.
My mom promises it's nothing crazy, they're not getting divorced.
What?
I just want to go to bed at that point.
The next day, my mom takes me out, explains some of her side of the story but never elaborates on how she hurt my dad so much , just saying he's not allowed to interfere with her friends. I don't ask about that guy.
She says "your dad asked a question that he didn't want the answer to. He got upset when I answered honestly, because you know I'm always honest"
She's a snob and judgemental of emotions so I just stop asking questions.
My dad is trying so hard to keep it together guys.
He has all these tools from dealing with his anger issues, hes's meditating, he's taking complete care of the youngest kids, as best as he can.... He once told me he was scared to lose my mom (like, her dying) because he'd have no idea how to take care of the kids. I kind of think that's what happened.
He's no longer himself. He's quiet. He's very thoughtful. He's so self-controlling.
All this, changing almost everything of himself and she says nothing. He asks her for acknowledgement, a thank you and she says "You should be changing for you, not for me"
I am almost scared for him.
On mother's day, he did everything to make it special for her. He encouraged the younger kids to make her breakfast, take her out for the day, she got to go to the spa with her lady friends.
She never thanked him. She never thanks him for his support.
He finally realized that it's a fight. someone has to give in, either her, just SEE him, or he's going to give up someday.
How do I feel about all this?
I might hate my mom. She's a shitty partner, and not a very good parent right now either. I think regardless of how she views it, she is putting this one guy on a pedestal over everything else in her life. I think she is just waiting for my dad to give up.
Part of me wants to tell him, that she's stubborn as al hell and she's not gonna give up. I think he knows it.
But he loves her so much, and I don't think I should know even half of any of this, but I've seen too much. I know too many things that I'm not allowed to tell anyone.
should I encourage him to tell her that even if she doesn't see this coming to a divorce, that's where it's heading? Should i encourage him to divorce her?
Should I explain to him what emotionally cheating is?
God, the youngest kids. They're the ones suffering the most of this and I don't even know if they know it.
I wish every conversation I had with anyone in that household doesn't have me standing there with the question on the tip of my tongue; "do you know this is going to end and painfully?"
I wish I could see my mom as a good mom again. I wish I could see my dad a whole person again.
Thanks for reading and while this is a true off my chest, god I'd probably take any advice.

I (17F) was raised in the United States my whole life. I live in a diverse city, so there were Islamic schools and a significant amount of Muslims at the elementary, middle, and high schools, as well as people of other religions and ethnicities.
I’ve always thought the stories that Islamic teachers and my parents (mainly my mom) taught me were mythical. I didn’t really believe them deep down in my heart, despite saying I was a Muslim and despite saying I believe in the Prophet being so perfect. I truly backed down when my teacher said, “Are you passionately living your life?” I wasn’t. I only said I was Muslim because I wanted to feel safer from my mom’s turbulent temper. I wanted to be respected more, that’s why I wore the hijab voluntarily at the beginning of high school.
When I was in my early teens, I argued back. My mom is the type to argue every other day about the smallest things, including my unacceptable behavior. I have argued and was involved in physical altercations with each of my family members. I’m no saint. But I only retaliate because they say how dumb, crazy, angry, and how much of a disappointment I am. Really, they start the arguments saying how I’m all of these things with baseless “evidence.” When I was younger, I cried a little too much and was quiet. I didn’t listen to directions right away and was too afraid to ask because I was shy. That was enough evidence to berate me about how much of a bad girl I was. Why wasn’t I social? Why wasn’t I trusting adults that took care of me? The devil made me shy, my mom said. I was scared. I argued back because no one else stood up for me, not even my dad or my sister. I looked up to them. Now I don’t. I should’ve been a good little quiet Muslim girl, not one that yells at the top of her lungs at the people who should’ve made her feel safe mentally and emotionally. But no, “I’m only saying what’s best for you. It’s the truth. You must be fixed.”
Fast forward to now, I wear my hair in a different style at school with a silk square scarf because even though I’m not Muslim, I don’t want the attention of the Muslims I know at school. I don’t know what they’ll say or do. My parents and siblings don’t know I do this.
I have a prom and graduation coming up and I don’t want to wear the hijab or my silk square scarf. My parents won’t approve of the latter anyway. I hinted at my dad that I don’t want to wear the hijab by asking what hairstyle I should wear at prom and graduation. He said, “I don’t know!” He has a degree in Islamic Studies. I’m surprised he didn’t react negatively. BUT, my mom and sister would tell me to wear the hijab, or else I’m collecting sins. My sister doesn’t wear the hijab. I literally don’t know what to do about this. I know this will lead to a huge argument. Yes, I can NOT go to prom, but I paid a lot of money for it. (No prom date, just going with friends).
My overall plan is to find a well-paying job and save enough money to move out and pay rent in another apartment. Even though I will carefully and discreetly move out, this would still lead to a fallout and a huge ultimatum to force me to stay in the same small apartment we lived in for several years.
I do have two interview offers. I’ll give you guys updates.
This is also important: I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1 over a year ago. They still don’t want to hear how this disorder affects me because I’m “normal” now. I just have to pray away the negative thoughts, my mom says. Don’t worry, I’m medicated. And take my pills on time.
I’m lucky that I live in a western country. I can methodically move out. But, I feel guilty because I know this action will make my family look bad in front of their friends and family in their home country and the US. I’m almost there, but the future is unclear. Being afraid is an understatement.

I’m visiting my friend for 2 weeks. We were roommates for 2 years in college. A few years later, she asked to move into my apartment in California and we lived together for 3 more years.
Since we were both low on vacation days, the plan was for us to still work on the weekdays (I work remotely) and hang out on the weekends. She warned me she didn’t have an extra desk but I asked if it was ok for me to use the dining room table. She said that would be fine.
The first weekend was fine. It was like we never lost time. After she went back to work, it was hell. She was so stressed out about work and was constantly complaining about her managers. She lets this anger seep into every aspect of her life, so I was walking on eggshells as I wasn’t sure if she was just mad at them or also me.
I knew she was particular about things (she describes herself as OCD) and even lost 2 friendships in college because they didn't get along as roommates, but we managed to get alone fine before. I think it’s worse now because instead of sharing a space, I’m entering her space.
Some examples of how I feel like a rude house guest:
1.) At first she was so apologetic about not having enough food in the house and concerned about me having enough to eat. She drove me to the grocery store so I could buy food. Now she’s annoyed when I’m reheating something in the microwave. The first time I used the microwave, I left the door open so the steam could air out. She was angry that I left the door open because I was wearing out the microwave's light bulb. The second time, I closed the door immediately, and she sounded annoyed while asking me to leave the door open so the steam could air out.
2.) Some pots need to be wiped down after washing and others left on the drying rack, and she didn’t explain which ones, but acts like I should just know.
3.) In general I think she has very specific ways of doing things. But when I ask clarifying questions, she snaps back and gets mad at my questions, as if it’s nonsensical to do it any way but hers. It’s almost like she’s offended that I’m asking.
4.) She was so mad at her job, that she rage quit her job mid-way through my stay. Now that she’s home all the time too, I think she’s getting annoyed that I’m also home all the time.
I'm trying my best to be a good house guest but there's always something I'm messing up. Am I being that egregious of a house guest?
My flight leaves on Sunday but it’s nonrefundable so I’m thinking of leaving for a hotel. I thought about telling her, “I’m feeling like I’m getting in your hair so I feel it’s best that I get a hotel so we can have our space.” However, I feel she will react badly to this. Is there a way to politely word why I'm leaving early?

Every Summer for a couple years now, my parents are always like "get something to do, don't watch YouTube in your pajamas all day for the whole summer" well you know why I don't want to anything? Because you guys, my family, are absolutely fucking horrible. I'm suffering from CLEAR-CUT EMOTIONAL ABUSE (and maybe even c-ptsd) BECAUSE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS, I EVEN BROUGHT UP TO MY SCHOOL'S GUIDANCE COUNSELOR "I want to kill myself and I think have BPD, I did a bunch of research" [BUT LIED TO THEM THAT I DON'T HURT MY SELF, EVEN THOUGH I DO (via biting and hair pulling/ripping)] BUT THEN WHEN MY PARENTS TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT THEY'RE LIKE "oh you're just a kid, it's whatever" SO???? I'M IN MY LATE TEEN YEARS AND I STILL DON'T KNOW A SINGLE FUCKING THING ABOUT BASIC EMOTIONAL REGULATION AND LAST YEAR I HAD A FAIR FEW ANGRY OUTBURSTS AT CLASSMATES AND THE ONLY FUCKING THING YOU TELL ME WHEN I CRY ABOUT A MINOR INCONVENIENCE OR ACCIDENTALLY HURT MYSELF IS "stop being a crybaby, grow up!!!1!1!!" I DON'T KNOW HOOOOOOOOWW!!! (Rant over)

Unfortunately it seems likely that the non-Muslims who comment on the Gaza war don't understand Islam, and that the Muslim commentators don't admit that they have a bias, meanwhile Islam in fact plays a role in the Gaza war. A relevant summary:
Muhammad started his own religion when he was forty and immediately came into conflict with the other religious people of his community, mostly polytheists and Jews. Muhammad became a war general and spent the next ten years of his life trying to kill off the other religions around him. He succeeded.
During this time, every day he in essence gave war pep-talks to his troops. As most of their fighting was against Jews, most of the war pep-talks were against Jews. His followers wrote down everything he said every day, mostly in the form of scraps of paper containing short segments. When he died, his followers swept these scraps of paper together to make first the Quran, then the Hadith, as there were thousands of these scraps of paper.
The entirety of the Islamic literature reads, therefore, like a slow, hypnotic rant against Jews, and also against Christians, against polytheists, against other now obscure and defeated religions, and against all non-Muslim "disbelievers" in general.
Mostly though, it focuses on Jews. The first two main chapters of the Quran in fact are about Jews: chapter 2 "The Cow", criticizing the Jews for once worshipping a golden calf, and chapter 3 "The Family of Imran (Moses)", meaning all of the Jews. There's not much difference between any of the Quran or Hadith chapters though; they all continue along mostly in the same way as the first two and are titled variously by the scant amounts of other concepts sometimes explored in the chapters. Mostly it's all a slow, hypnotic rant against all Jews and other non-believers.
If you don't believe any of this, check it for a first time. You'll be shocked. Islam is an inherently discriminatory religion toward Jews, and that's really the basis of the aggression that comes out of Gaza and other places toward them.
Most revelatory of all in this regard is the fact (if you check your history books) that the Ottoman Empire participated in attacking Britain and the allies in World War 1, and Britain won over them, obtaining what is today the Gaza, Israel, and West Bank areas. There was never any Jewish theft. Britain wanted to let the Jews move into that land afterward, and it was their choice to do so, as it was the Brits' land.
The Jews were met with immediate violence from the Muslims, whose religion tells them to attack Jews. It got worse. Sick of the violence, the Jews declared independence for their territory and formed a state. This was fair and appropriate. Immediately, large groups of Muslims combined armies to try to massacre the Jews. They were repelled.
It never stopped. The Muslims tried to combine armies and massacre the Jews again, in '67. They were repelled that time too.
Then in 2007 Gaza started the Gaza War against the Jews, and have fought it every day since, including today. They've been rocketing Israel constantly since 2007; October 7th was just a sort of culmination.
By the way, declaring independence and forming a state was the pattern set for and by every other territorial area that was formed out of the Ottoman Empire- resulting in every Middle Eastern state you see today- Israel did nothing different, and did not need a reason to do it- Gaza and the West Bank have always had the same ability, but have torn themselves apart fighting each other instead, while the world continues to wait on them. Also, they need to not form a government that declares war against Israel as part of its foundation. That’s the other reason they haven’t formed any real states yet. No one would stop them from doing so if they did it without any war declarations. The concept that anyone else in the world would somehow be able to give them a state is bogus.
The real problem will be solved when the world has a conversation with Islam, telling them to give up the part about cursing non-believers: approximately half the content of the Islamic religion. Then the Gazans can live non-aggressively with Jews next to them. So as well with the West Bank, Jordan/Iraq/Syria/Libya/Yemen/Iran, the twenty-or-so other nations that don't accept Israeli passports, etcetera.
Before any moderators, members of this site, or non-members of this site, try to get me banned or give me -100 karma points, insisting that I’m biased or that I’ve made this up: I challenge you to read or watch any summary of the life of Muhammad and the first ten years of Islam, then to read the first hundred pages of any English translation of the Quran, then to read the sub-chapter “Fighting Jews” of the chapter “Jihad” of the Al-Bukhari hadith book, then to read Gaza’s government charter “The Hamas Covenant”. If you put in a few minutes a day it’ll take you about two weeks. Don’t complain about me asking you to do this much research; it’s not much and it’s a bare minimum I can think of for you to check my work. Then you’re going to ask the same question I asked, “Why haven’t I heard of this from anyone or any side reporting on the Gaza war?” I believe the answer is several-fold: one is that there is simply a shocking lack of bothering to do much research by even those most vocal about the conflict. Two is that those who know about this know that no outsider asked for support of Gaza would sympathize with them if they knew about this. Three is that this stuff is outrageous, and no one wants to be the deliverer of that outrage, or get accused themselves of making this up. Four (and you’ll have to read to understand this) is that the believers are told in general to not trust disbelievers, which would include not telling them the truth. If you believed someone else was going to Hell, but that they didn’t know about it, would you tell them? They’re not gonna like hearing it; why tell them? Count the number of times Muhammad says all Jews and disbelievers are going to Hell in the Quran. You’ll lose count by about page 25 and it just keeps going like that.
All the resources mentioned are easily available online for free in pdf form or otherwise; just do a search for each, and youtube has lots of good videos on Muhammad’s life. I also highly recommend you watch overhead-battle-analysis-style videos (like Kings & Generals channel & similar) to review every single early battle of Islam, in order. You may also want to watch some on the first few battles of Abu Bakr also, the guy who picked up Muhammad’s war banner after him and carried on the violent conquest of the entire Arabian Peninsula, eradicating one by one what used to be a diverse array of now-extinct local religions. You could check out a copy of the Quran translated or order one, which I also recommend. I have Pickthall’s translation as a hard copy and I recommend it; I also used three different online Qurans and three different online Al-Bukhari hadiths (I wanted to make sure I wasn’t making any mistake by reading some bad translation; turned out nope they all read like that).
And before anyone says, well, that kind of stuff is said in the Bible too… First of all, find it; second of all, if it says that kind of stuff even a handful of times in the Bible, that’s different from Islam’s thousand times saying it, over and over again- it’s really a different sort of book.
I want to say last that the Muslims aren’t “like this”; rather, they’re told to be like this, by a high-pressure, demanding religion. They’re also told I’m sure, as for Gaza, by their friends, parents, neighbors, grandparents, local TV stations, and government, what is truly an altered version of history, wherein the Jews “stole” Palestine. They’re taught to distrust anything that the West says against that, because they’re taught to distrust disbelievers- of course the disbelievers would lie about this stuff- “hasbara”. The Jews “stole” Palestine, so, they’re “occupiers”. They don’t want to sound racist because they know discrimination is not tolerated in the disbelievers’ world, so they say “Zionists”, in place of “Jews”. Underneath it, they’re not saying much to the outside world- just enough and in just the right ways to sound presumably appropriate and reasonable, legitimate. It’s like a big game to try to get what they want (Jews expelled or killed), or, as discussed above, it's that they unfortunately don't know any better cause they've been lied to themselves. To the extent that anyone knows this stuff though and hasn't mentioned it, I would feel that we’ve been lied to and played for fools, and it makes me want to say screw the Squad, Sanders, and the campus protests... all right here on American soil!!!! I trust the vast majority of Muslims are not like this. I think they are too afraid though to voice any opposition to any of the Muslims who are hardcore about this stuff, of which Gaza and the West Bank have become the best examples- I told you to read the Hamas Covenant so I’ll trust you’ll do it; meanwhile I’ll add that the guy who ran the West Bank, Abbas, wrote his own dissertation as a youth on his conspiracy theory that the Jews “did the Holocaust to themselves, to create false international sympathy and a pretext for stealing Israel”, and he has continued to educate the West Bank’s people with this line of reasoning, making “Nakba day” into a sort of mockery of anyone else’s Holocaust remembrances. Meanwhile Iran continues determined to one day lead the eradication.
If you care about caring, do the right thing- help educate others on what’s really going on in Gaza. It’s bigger than the past few months, it’s bigger than October 7^th, it’s even bigger than tens of thousands of casualties, and if we don’t do the right thing (demand and converse about how disbelievers have rights too), one day far in the future that total may be millions or billions. The time is now to resolve this between all of us, with words. Learn about and then be vocal about the unfairness of Islam. Demand rights. Have conversations.
To add to this goal, I offer the following:
I make this contract with Islam, whether they agree or not:
Disbelievers’ Bill of Rights:

1. The disbelievers have rights too.
2. The disbelievers have wonderful and diverse cultures of their own, that are not to be eradicated; Earth is good when its cultures are diverse and not homogenized.
3. The disbelievers are not going to Hell for disbelieving Islam.
4. The believers are not going to Paradise for eradicating the disbelievers.
5. There will be no “final day” where all the Jews are killed.
6. Jesus will not show up on the final day to personally kill all the Jews (Islamic eschatology).
7. Disbelievers have the right to not be discriminated against or degraded by the believers. Any disbelievers neighboring believers are not to have rocks thrown at them, suicide attacks launched at them, rockets launched at them, rifles or pistols fired at them, etcetera.
8. Disbelievers have the right to not tolerate any literature that discriminates against them or is derogatory or degrading toward them, or that advocates any sort of violence against them, or that proscribes any mistreatment of them.

Furthermore, I liberate all Muslims, with the following lines:
You don’t have to surrender to Islam, completely, if any of it seems wrong to you. For that matter, you can pick any religion, you can pick no religion, you can make up your own religion, you can institute your own renewal of Islam and start a new chapter on it; you can do anything you want on this planet, and no lightning bolt will strike you from anyone’s god. If the afterlife is real, then you’re going to it whether you believe in it or whether you disbelieve in it. If there’s Heaven and Hell, you’re going to Heaven for being a good person, Hell for being a bad person.
Also, Muhammad may have said that his teachings were “a Book”. However, Muhammad did not give any specifics instructions to make any book exactly in the fashion in which the Quran and Hadith and others (Kitube of Shia, Wahhabiism’s books, Salafist works etcetera) were made, and, I believe that Muhammad would have seen the error in making them in those exact ways- this would cause problems later- the format is too heavy on the disbelievers- it will someday make for a problematic relationship between different faiths- you should feel free to rearrange any and all verses, excluding as many as you like, reinterpreting any you like, to make any new Book that makes more sense for use as an every-day, all-time religious book: one that focuses on “the good stuff” and not the bad. Muhammad needed to rally an army every day. We don’t need that in our daily lives now that we’re all trying to put war away. This is the 21^st century. Nine nations use nukes, and two of them are Muslim (Pakistan, Kazakhstan). We need to right now make decisions that will put away all war inclinations between us forever. If you don’t like my way of doing it, come up with something better and suggest it. I say we can do it by having a conversation where disbelievers stick up for themselves and believers listen.
And, I suggest this interpretation: perhaps Allah wanted to include a sort of test, within Islam, to separate hypocrites from believers- Allah included a bunch of stuff telling you that disbelievers are bad and to attack them. Maybe it’s to see who rejects that, to send them to Paradise, and to see who decides to act on it, to send them to Hell.
There is plenty of evidence that this is true in Gaza right now. Why would Allah punish them unless they were bad? They have relentlessly attacked Israel for years. Maybe this is Allah’s punishment.
Also, you are free to associate with disbelievers, at any time and place, whatever they’re saying at the time. You can date and intermarry with disbelievers if you like. Try not calling them disbelievers and you’ll have luck.
I also state that I am a learned scholar (college degree earned, floor-to-ceiling stacks of nonfiction books read, research published) and I am authorized to make fatwa (judgments) and to issue tafsir (commentary/interpretations on holy works).
As a warning to angry-comment-posters: you may find that I can back up with references and examples every point I’ve made! Watch out!
That being said, am I wrong about anything? Please tell me if I have anything wrong; I can only do so much research and then sweep it all together off the top of my head. Let me know. I’ll apologize if I get something wrong and perhaps adjust my thesis.