Hi everyone,
I’m struggling so much with guilt and anxiety that hang over me like a Damocles sword, ready to fall at any moment. Despite my efforts to move forward, my past mistakes weigh heavily on me, like something put in my chest that cant get out.
It feels like one wrong move from me will lead to a million consequences, and I’m tired of constantly living in fear of making another misstep. While I’ve tried to learn from my past and make amends, the burden of my actions is overwhelming, and I struggle to see a way out.
I have overthinked about the why/how I made these mistakes and how I will never go back to it, I know I changed too. (I didnt hurt no one, I just wronged myself in this situation)
I feel like I ruined my life, that now I can't have anything good. I had so much things ahead but these mistakes blurred out my future, I got no more motivation or even will to continue pursing my dreams because I feel like my mistakes will come back and be known to the world no matter what. I also feel like I'm fake because people think I'm a good person but they don't know my mistakes and this makes my guilt even worst.
I dont know what to do anymore, after two therapy sessions I still didnt find anything to deal with myself.

Okay story time...
I love my mom to death she always is talking about how open-minded she is she's not racist she's not against anybody with anything right I love her she's my mom. But there's something about her that I just can't stand and she's an ally to most people it doesn't matter what your gender what this what that doesn't care about your sexuality doesn't care about your religion blah blah blah. But like I said there's one thing about her that really really bothers me and she used to work at DQ and she worked with a trans person he he was transmasc. She accepted him she thought he looked like a really cute little boy you know cuz like cute is in like oh that's a cute dog you know not like yeah.
On to the thing that bothers me... I don't remember exactly when it was where it occurred but we I want to say it was a restaurant. We were at a restaurant I think and it was a bathroom and the line out the door for the women's room as usual cuz it was a very popular place there were only three stalls and we were (me, my mom, and my little sister) were next in line for using the bathrooms. No big deal normal day blah blah blah but the next person that walked in was a rather tall slender looking woman with a very prominent Adam's apple and she was wearing a dress and carrying a purse. I didn't think anything of it because wasn't my business she's just here to use the bathroom. We get in we do our business we get out wash our hands blah blah blah. Then my mom turns to me as soon as we're out of earshot of the bathroom and says I think the person that walked in after us was a man.
I didn't think anything of it because it's not my business what's between a person's legs if they're presenting as a female that's their business if they're just using the bathroom that's their business. She looked at me like it was the worst thing in the world and said something that made me cringe so damn hard. She turned around and she looked me in the face and said what if he had done something and and yeah basically insinuating that what if he had decided to turn around and rape somebody and I'm sitting here going excuse me? The only reason that that woman, I'm saying woman because that's what she was presenting as that's what I'm going to call her and she entered the woman's bathroom, was to use the bathroom. What diabolical thought entered your head that would make you think that a male to female transitioned person would want anything to do with doing that? That was the first thought that went through my head I didn't say that out loud because I didn't want the woman to overhear me accidentally if she happened to be coming out of the bathroom it would have been rude.
It's amazing to me that my mother claims to be this open-minded person when she talks about all I'm not racist oh I'm not against gender so I'm not against sexuality blah blah blah blah and then big deal you worked with a trans person.. but you turn around and you treat this woman like she was going to what jump into the stall with your young daughter and do something to her? The only reason she was in there was to use the bathroom let people use the bathroom. I just I can't fathom or understand the whole conversation I don't even remember the whole conversation because I just it was so long ago and it still bothers me to this day because like she talks about it too she talking about how like oh I'm not going to call somebody by another pronoun...you know and I'm sitting here going... but you did the same thing when you worked with someone who changed their gender and their pronouns what... what is your problem that you can't just respect people as people?
I honestly can't fathom any reason why you wouldn't just respect someone for being who they are, I just I just I don't understand. It's honestly very very confusing and very very upsetting because I am one of the most tolerant people of like anyone I don't judge based on anything I judge you based on your actions if you treat me like shit I'm going to treat you like shit if you treat me nice I'm going to treat you nice I don't care what your religion your sexuality your your political views because politics suck your who you're with in bed that's not my business. The only thing that is my business is how you treat me if you treat me nice I'll treat you nice you treat me like shit I'm going to treat you like shit. And the Very fact that the woman who raised me is acting like being trans is something all brand new and shit and like what you think this is new? Cuz last I checked I mean didn't being trans go Way Way Back? I just this woman raised me to be tolerant of everyone and she turns around and she's acting intolerant of people who are trans it boggles my mind and I almost really really hate the fact that she raised me to be so tolerant and yet she's being so intolerant of the select group of people just because she can't change someone's pronouns? I don't understand why she is acting this way and I'm a straight girl I like guys I don't like girls I don't like anything else I get along with just about everybody I just it doesn't make any sense and I want to understand her but at the same time I also wish you would just deal and not judge people so much because that's not the point. Their gender identity doesn't affect their sexuality or their desire to have sex at all in fact it doesn't matter to them it shouldn't matter to you either. I just I seriously wonder what's goes through her head when she says these things because it's really concerning she just she says she's very tolerant of people and such and so forth but like then she turns around and she's hating on trans people and why? I don't understand why my mother who raised me to be such a tolerant person can act like this it's disturbing it upsets me. I just want her to understand that not everyone is the same I want her to understand that being who they are isn't affecting her at all and she needs to just let them live their lives and not worry about it. Cuz like the way trans people are doesn't affect her at all they're just a different gender ooh whoop-dee-doo a guy wanted to be a girl because that's how she feels on the inside and she wants to present that on the outside and that's how she acts. It's like not everyone's out to act like a rapist mom just I know you don't understand everything that's going on in the world but that doesn't mean you get to be a jerk off about it.
Like am I wrong for wanting to change my mother's mind or for finding her behavior unacceptable? Because the way that she talked to me about this woman that walked in after we did made me really concerned I just it really really bugs me that she did that. I just want to understand but at the same time I want her to understand more that it's none of her business what's between someone's legs because the only reason they're in the bathroom is to use the bathroom especially considering how fucking cramped it was like it's a tiny bathroom with three stalls and two sinks no one's in there that's going to do anything bad okay not everyone's out to get you or your daughters Jesus Christ.
And like I said I'm a straight girl I'm an ally to everybody that I meet because I don't care. Your gender your religion your sexuality your everything about you is who you are and that's cool doesn't matter not to me. What matters is how you treat people and if you treat me nice I'll treat you nice you treat me like shit I'll treat you like shit that's how it works. It's very complicated and I want her to learn and grow and be a better person for it but she doesn't want to listen when I talk about it. And even if I was to talk about it I don't think she would listen, because she is set in her ways and I don't get it.

Hey everyone! This is my 2nd post about my affair with Dustin, a 26 year old, married, captain on staff while I was a newly arrived 18 year old private at my first duty station.
I hope you enjoy Part 2, and as always, I'm welcome to receive any constructive feedback you may have about my writing or if you just want to talk! If you're just here to bash me for having an affair with someone, save your breath, I'll just block you. Without further ado, Part 2 of my affair with Dustin! <3 Hannah
First, a little about me. I'm 5'5ish, 135ish depending on the day, and have dark brown hair that falls part way down my back with brown eyes. My mom is a Crow (Native American) and my dad is Italian so the olive complexion genes are active in my family. I've got a fairly petite/athletic build with a 32B chest and a toned butt. My nipples are dark brown, on the smaller side, and I shave everywhere. I'm a fan of tattoos and have a feather on my foot, flower pieces on my right hip into my lower ribs, left shoulder, and lower back, a small script piece in my left side bra line, a green carebear in my left bikini line and a large dream catcher down my left ribs. If there's a detail I've left out, feel free to ask ;)
I sat alone in my barracks room the morning after my first in person experience with Dustin, the officer I'd met on Bumble who turned out to have a wife going to school out of state. I'd ignored any thought of walking away from this potentially messy situation and now found myself waking up alone in my room, the morning after letting a married officer cum all over my face and chest while i fingered myself to orgasm kneeling in front of him. I admitted two simple truths to myself: it had been the biggest rush of my life, and i absolutely needed more.
I checked my phone and saw 4 new messages from Dustin, all expounding on the fact he wished we didn't have to go to work today and how he wished I was there with him. As I got dressed for the daily workday routine of morning physical training, I snapped him a pic in just my maroon sports bra and black athletic thong and sent it to him, telling Dustin how I wished I could do PT in his home gym in just this. The buldge pic I got in return told me he liked the sound of that as I slipped back to reality, put on my PT uniform and joined my platoon for the usual Monday run. This was the rush. The dual life I craved and what drew me to Dustin. One minute I was sending sexy snaps to a man I shouldn't be with, living in the world of secret meetups and fun and the next, I was out joining my platoon for a normal daily routine workout. The world of the rush was addicting and I'd only just dipped my toes (mouth) in.
My day to day world of learning about fuel tankers, learning to drive them under NVGs, how to test fuel quality to ensure adequate grade for the type of unit I was supporting and all manner of tactical skills that would help me integrate into a complex military operation was genuinely rewarding and occupied my attention fairly easily. But then I'd find myself longing for a breakout. Longing for the rush of excitement I'd only just tasted. Each message from Dustin became a small dose of "you shouldn't but you will" and I wanted more.
Dustin had a busy schedule at the staff he worked on, but always took a moment to ask "how's my beautiful Private doing? Need anything from the Exchange?" We had had one intimate in person encounter and already this was taking on more than just a hookup from a dating app. We both recognized that actively developing a relationship behind the back of one partner's spouse automatically made this more than "just sex"....which we hadn't even had yet.
Between his work schedule and mine, we found it difficult to meet up the week following our evening of watching football with a side of a blowjob. Didn't stop me from letting him know I wanted more. I dropped all the hints. I sent him pics of choices of underwear for the day, letting him choose from a few options I was comfortable working in and then sending him quick snaps from the bathroom at work, proving his Private really wore what he'd asked her to. I also introduced him to a pink, 6 inch, anatomically correct dildo I typically used in the evening when I craved him desperately. I showed him that just like with his similarly sized shaft, I could force my lips to reach its base as the tip slid into the back of my throat. I also laid it on top of the underwear he had chosen for me one day, a simple pair of boyshorts that looked incredible with a pink phallis on top, illustrating just how far into my petite frame it/he would go if I would just slip them to the side and insert it/him.
I kept him wanting more. You can see my underwear, but only laid out on my bed, or on me, not tossed to the side showing you underneath. You can see my small collection of sex toys in my drawer or in my mouth, but the camera stops before they get to where they're the most fun. By Thursday, Dustin was desperate for the week to end so we could be together. He sent me a video of him teasing himself with pictures of me on his laptop and I thought it was the hottest thing ever to watch a man who definitively out ranked me choosing "his beautiful Private" over his wife. By Saturday we were going to go wild if we didn't take the next step.
There's different types of duty in the military, from a barracks desk to an installation watch office and every echelon in between. Saturday Dustin had duty for his brigade, which normally meant not a lot of time sitting at a desk, but a lot of time going around inspecting important places in his unit and making reports of what he found. I couldn't wait any longer and neither could he. I told him he should just add me to his list of inspections and quickly have his way with me during his rounds. Not the fairy tale special first time but the raw, I need you now and I'm tired of waiting, that two deprived lovers seek.
He agreed and said he would have time to "run home for dinner" if I would be ready and waiting for him. Ready and waiting in your bed. Quicky to satisfy this urge and let me plan something more while I wait. Yes. Dustin agreed to leave his side door unlocked so I could let myself in while he was at work. Apparently despite our lack of intimacy, our constant stream of communication built a trust that I wouldn't rob him blind lol seriously though, I respected his trust and didn't take an opportunity to go through all his stuff or leave a letter for his wife or anything crazy in between.
Instead, I drove over in late afternoon in a pair of black Nike soccer shorts with a built-in liner, so I went sans underwear, and continued the trend with a pink tshirt and matching hoodie without a bra, letting my small, 32B chest bounce a little as I let myself in, walked past the couch I'd kneeled in front of to receive a facial at the previous weekend and made my way towards Dustin's bedroom upstairs. I found aa spacious king bed that occupied the majority of the fairly small room in military housing, leaving a small walk way on either side, wide enough for matching his and hers nightstands on either side of the bed and space at the end of the bed where the room flowed into the master bathroom sweat complete with walk in closet, linen closet and 2 sink bathroom with a nice deep tub.
I set my purse down on what was clearly his wife's nightstand and quickly stopped out of my comfy clothes I'd worn to my visit. I plopped down naked in his bed, with a condom and lube laid out on her nightstand next to my purse. I sent Dustin a nude selfie of me on his wife's side of the bed, with a caption letting him know I was ready for our quicky. A quick reply let me know I had 15 minutes. I was immediately slick with anticipation. I set a pillow in the center of the bed and scooted my butt towards the edge of the bed as I spread my legs wide and began to tease light circles around my clit as I began to tease myself in preparation for the quick coupling that was minutes away. As my breath quickened and my heart raced, I dabbed a small glob of lube onto two of my fingers and I slowly stretched myself, my inner walls relaxing to recieve one, two, three fingers as I continued to rub my clit, my body as desperate to be with Dustin as my heart was.
A rattling of keys in the front door let me know my time was up as I removed the 3 fingers currently satiating the desperate urges of my core. Racing footsteps up the stairs found Dustin at the door in seconds, with his beautiful Private spread eagle on the edge of the bed waiting for him. I looked up at him in his uniform, totally unashamed of my nude and vulnerable position and told him his Private was ready for his inspection.
In a flash his camo jacket was tossed aside, the brown undershirt following behind and he rushed to undo his belt and soon had his pants and briefs around his ankles. In a moment he was leaning down on top of me, hungrily kissing my lips as his firm shaft pressed against my core as I pulled him into a tight embrace between my wide spread legs. As we passionately kissed, our tongues breathlessly intertwined, I paused and asked him if he wanted the condom off his wife's nightstand. I reminded him I was on the shot for BC, but it was his choice either way.
He pulled away to look over at her nightstand and instead of grabbing the condom, took the lube and generously applied a coat to his entire six or seven inch length. I needed him now. Standing between my legs, which I held wide open for him with my butt to the edge of the bed, Dustin teased the tip of his firm shaft between the lips of my freshly shaved vagina. He ran the tip between my spread lower lips, from my clit to my soaking wet and lubed entrance. With only a moments pause with his tip aligned with my eager hole, Dustin firmly pushed his entire length into me as he moaned my name and my soft inner walls welcomed him deep inside me as I gasped at the feeling of sudden fullness and a desperate need for more.
Buried to the base of his shaft inside me, Dustin leaned down to kiss me passionately. I wrapped my legs behind his butt, pulling him deep inside me as he began to thrust in a steady deep rhythm that drove me to the edge. I breathless begged for him to fuck me as I scratched lines down his back with my nails as I desperately held my man between my legs, his thrusts stimulating every inch of my inner walls and the friction of our bodies urging my clit to find release. Dustin broke our embrace and soon I found myself with two strong hands holding my legs open wide nearly in the splits on the edge of the bed as he thrust into me deeper than I'd ever felt before. I was breathless, calling out for more. Please don't stop Dustin. Please don't stop as his pace quickened and I could feel his balls slapping against nearly my butthole as he pounded into me, using my vagina for his release. I took one hand and found my clit, matching my rhythm to his and I soon found the waves of release that had building to the edge as Dustin gave me more, more, more. My inner walls clenched tight as the dam broke and my orgasm shook through my body in a release of ecstasy. Dustin continued to fuck me through my own release, my body desperate for him to find his own release.
I looked up at the passion and hunger in his eyes as I became keenly aware of the bouncing of my small breasts as I laid there riding the wave of my massive orgasm moaning in pleasure as the stimulation deepend, quickened and in a moment, I could feel Dustin swell and find his release deep inside me, ropes of cum filling me as my body clinched around him, holding him inside me as a second wave of pleasure pulsed through my core. We laid there for a long moment, a tight sweaty embrace with my handsome man on top of me, showering my neck and lips in kisses as we both breathlessly came down from our collective orgasms.
Dustin stood up, his softening length sliding out of me along with a mix of his cum and lube and my own release. I stood up and followed him to the bathroom, me completely naked, with his uniform pants pulled half way back up. I took hot washcloths and cleaned both of us between our legs, getting him ready to go back to work and for me to clean the mix of cum and lubed that was now running down my inner thigh. I asked him if I'd passed his inspection and he laughed, smiling and kissing me saying that indeed I had. He told me I could spend the night here if I wanted, he had to get back to duty but his place was a little more awesome than my barracks room.
I agreed and put back on my Nike shorts and tshift with it fairly obvious that I wasn't wearing a bra, which admittedly wasn't really an issue for Dustin at all. I followed him downstairs and kissed him goodnight as he headed back to work. I made myself at home and made a simple dinner and fell asleep watching tv under a blanket in his living room, which is where he found me when he came home at the end of his shift in the morning. I followed him to bed and we spent most of the day napping in eachothers arms before it really was time for me to go home and get ready for the next work week. I continued to tease him on snap and told him that we had sooooo much more still to do and his response made it readily apparent that he agreed.
Thank you for reading this chapter of my affair with Dustin! If you liked it or have something in my writing you'd like to see improved, feel free to let me know! My writing only gets better if you tell me what you'd like to see! Thanks for for sticking with me, I truly hope you've enjoyed! <3 Hannah

Tell me the weirdest part about you. Lets just jump right into the parts other people find unloveable. I usually appreciate those things the most.
A little about me, im looking for friendship to blossom into more than that. Please dont send me dick pics, but lets definitely discuss how echidnas have 4 headed penises (they only use 2 at a time). I am a HUGE nature freak, I love learning about plants and animals. I collect bones and I have a mummy cat. I love hiking and sometimes i draw. Ask me about my pun art 😎.
I am unvaccinated and expect someone who will eventually share body fluid with me to be unvaccinated as well. Mom of 2, but im more of a dad.... i have a vagina just to be clear but i dont care about purses or nails or dresses or makeup. I like to work on inner beauty (but i have natural beauty and am certainly not ugly) I work on my own car and im a hell of a good shot. Dreadlocks and a septum. Some tattoos. I raise my kids naturally (they arent feral, but they have emotional intelligence and can fold their clothes and cook) no. I do NOT want to have more. I would consider adoption but i will NEVER be pregnant again. How can I survive the end of the world waddling around or carrying a screaming infant??
Hmu, can't wait to hear about your weird. Im very open minded. ✌️

DRAG RACE!
Chronologica struts the runway wearing a bird bird style yellow feathered coat, her eyeshadow and lips painted the same yellow, along with a bright yellow wig to match.
Hello world!
Welcome to Season 6! Woah!
Chronologica claps excitedly.
Nymphe, you’re here for our two part premiere! Are you ready?
“Are THEY ready?” Nymphe smirks.
Rachelle Mirage, how does it feel to be back?
“No more prison, PLEASE!” Rachelle begs.
Floss, are you excited for prison?
“Don’t you dare.” Floss stares at Chronologica.
Chronologica looks spooked.
“I’m joking, baby!” Floss chuckles.
Chronologica exhales.
For this season’s first challenge, our racers proved their worth in a talent show extravaganza. And on the runway, they’ll be giving local–wearing looks representing their hometowns.
It’s TIME!
~
Category is… Hometown GLORY!
Ethan Angel-Eye arrives giving ski town realness with a ragged, cropped denim winter jacket with structured shoulders over an oversized white tank top, plus low-ride super-baggy camo cargo-ski pants. He wears a branded Patagonia denim balaclava, carefully covering his nose and mouth, and clunky orange Schnee’s boots, and counts cash coolly in one hand.
“So he was the one going to prison all along.” Nymphe says.
Chronologica giggles.
Lady Gag enters the stage in a sleek blue-cyan Gaga style wig, along with a startlingly familiar face paint. Wearing a silver bikini covered in glass bits, and a tight bikini bottom. In a pair of gladiator sandals, Lady Gag holds a towel that is embossed with her own name ‘LADY GAG’ on it.
“A bikini?” Rahcelle raises her eyebrows, whispering to Chronologica.
Molly Moppit arrives in a massive fur coat, spray painted blue. Her hair is long, flowing and red, covered in many, many, many STRIKINGLY similar blue hair clips, as Molly stomps through the main stage. As she makes her way to the end of the stage, Molly whips off her coat to reveal a mini-dress in the shape of the statue of liberty in green.
“Category is… Blue?” Floss chuckles.
Niagara Halls arrives in a blue ball gown, with her hair a windswept water blue. Structured like a waterfall itself, flowing into the deep waters at the bottom of her dress, Niagara’s the epitome of beauty and grace in her Niagara Falls inspired dress.
Blue it!
A big blue phone booth slowly slides onto the runway. There are two knocks, before the door bursts open and Loki steps out, wearing slacks, a tweed coat, and a black bowtie over a white dress shirt. Their brown wig is slicked back, making it obvious that they are cosplaying the Doctor. After they strut the runway with an inquisitive look on their face, they return to the tardis and shuffle away.
“The tardis is blue.” Nymphe jokes, before looking into the camera. “Please no more blue.”
Shiseido Red enters the stage in a massive red apple- literally, as the judges chuckle as she enters the stage. Suddenly, the big apple opens, Chronologica gasping as the apple becomes a high fashion structured piece, like a moving art piece come to life- massive shoulder pads, a skirt-pant combo and massive platform heels, all in her quintessential red.
Everyone exhales, looking at Shiseido’s serve, as Chronologica claps excitedly.
~
Hi Racers.
This week, no one is safe. You’ll each receive critiques–and who knows if you ever will again, so take this feedback seriously.
First up: Molly Moppit.
“Like the clips?” Molly flicks back her hair.
“Wait a minute.” Niagara whispers to herself.
Hi, Molly.
Molly grins.
“What I loved about your performance was the jokes.” Rachelle laughs. “Your sense of humor really showed through here and elevated the performance which…let’s be honest, you’re not a dancer. That was obvious!”
“I’m more of a dance with the devil kind of girl.” Molly winks.
“The jokes kept coming, and to be able to come up with that much material about your fellow contestants, despite just having met them, was really, really impressive. You went IN!” Rachelle smiles.
Shiseido rolls her eyes.
“I didn’t like it. I feel as if I didn’t get to know you personally at all. The whole performance was about everyone else, when this was your chance to introduce yourself?” Nymphe raises an eyebrow.
Molly looks nervous.
I don’t agree, Nymphe.
“Okay.” Nymphe looks expressionless.
I feel we learned that Molly here is a sneaky shady bitch.
Molly smiles and winks. “You’ve got that right.”
I loved it. Really fun work.
Next up, Niagara Halls. Hello and welcome.
“SO pleased to be here.” Niagara waves bombastically with both hands.
Niagara…can you walk us through why you decided to yodel tonight?
“YES, of course! I thought it would be really camp and surprising and fun to do something out-of-the-box for me.” Niagara smiles widely. “I had a great time with it.”
“I didn’t.” Nymphe fixes her hair, looking absentmindedly at a handheld mirror. “This was the worst performance of the night.”
Niagara’s jaw drops.
I really admire that you tried something outside your comfort zone, here, Niagara.
“Oh, thank you!” Niagara nods.
However…we don’t know what box you normally sit in yet, so this “out of the box” idea didn’t end up really helping us learn about you very well.
Niagara swallows anxiously and rubs her hands together. “Oh, okay.”
The decidedly devilish Ethan Angel-Eye. We’re so glad you’re here.
Ethan nods politely. “Thanks for having me.”
“Your performance was interesting.” Nymphe says dryly. “The audience seemed afraid of you. If that’s your thing, it worked.”
“I think that’s kinda his thing.” Rachelle gestures at Ethan’s ski town runway look. “You’re not showing us your face, just like in your entrance look. Tell us about that.”
“You’ll note that what you can see of my face is painted.” Ethan says, clarifying and gesturing to his eyes. “My drag is criminal. If you can see everything I’m up to, it gives away the mystery.”
“Mystery is right.” Rachelle notes.
Your talent show was pretty undeniable, though. You expressed yourself in the performance–a lot of rage, a lot of pent-up frustration. The way you were yelling out as you made your attacks reminded me of martial arts.
Ethan nods. “The violence is an art, in a way. The accuracy, the intention. I’m glad you could see that.”
“I loved it.”
Lady Gag, the girl without the A. Good news is, you’re on Drag Race! Bad news, this week, we weren’t gagging on your eleganza.
Lady Gag looks at Chronologica with surprise.
“I-”
Honestly, I didn’t think your talent show was amazingly bad- it was fine.
“Okay.” Lady Gag purses her lips.
“The stand-up was fine. I didn’t laugh, but I don’t usually laugh. Other people were laughing sometimes.” Nymphe adjusts her bracelets.
“I laughed!” Floss says, smiling.
I actually want to know your idea behind your LOOK.
“I’m a Miami Beach girl. I’ve got the body, I’ve got the work done, and Miami is the place to show it off. So…” Lady Gag flicks her hair.
I don’t think it was enough. I just saw Gaga- and I get that you do that, but I am going to need you to do more.
“Okay.” Gag looks unimpressed.
Lokii or High-Key? Yes, bitch, you might be. Thanks so much for being here.
“I didn’t get it.” Nymphe shakes her head. “There’s a reason there are so many Star Wars movies. The plot doesn’t fit into a 2-minute talent show. So it just wasn’t funny. Also, your brand is Marvel or Norse God. Why are you serving Star Wars?”
I kinda was- a bit confused.
“Oh, okay.” Lokii nods.
The idea was good, but ultimately- it kinda just was a lot going on, and ultimately had me going… hmm. I like this look though!
Lokii smiles. “Thank you.”
“I liked the chaos of it, actually!” Floss responds. “It was super unique, and obviously a really different perspective from most of our racers tonight, I thought it was cute baby..”
“Oh!” Lokii nods. “I appreciate it.”
Blue, Yellow? It’s Shiseido Red. Welcome to the show.
“You can’t dance anymore. You’re too old.” Nymphe gives Shiseido a pointed look. “You should have just done the design part of your performance, because the outfit you painted was basic but cute. Don’t dance.”
“It’s tough, but What Nymphe said about your look is totally true.” Floss smiles apologetically. “It was very cool to see you make that in such a short amount of time, with all of the choreo that was happening and everything.”
This look you’ve showcased- has been, far and beyond, incredible. THIS is the drag I want to see on the runway. Well done.
Shiseido bows.
Thank you, racers. Whilst we deliberate, you may untuck backstage in the Fae Lounge.
“Mine.” Nymphe smiles.
Sponsored by Princess Papaya Glitter Blueberry Drinks.
~
The racers enter the Fae Lounge.
“Well, I’m safe.” Shiseido nods, picking up her drink, and handing one to Ethan, who shakes his head.
“I’ll not be drinking.” Ethan snips back.
Shiseido Red: “I have some thoughts, and I’m going to express them.” Shiseido smiles.
Everyone sits down, as Molly swirls her drink, grabbing a pillow. “I-”
“Ms Theft, I have a question for you.” Shiseido looks up with a smirk.
Niagara looks at Lady Gag with a smile.
“Shoot.” Molly smiles.
“Do you have any actual talent, or do you just try and go with the lowest- literally, the lowest common denominator with the insult humor, because you lack any level of education and class in this artform of drag?” Shiseido takes a sip.
Ethan raises an eyebrow, which you can’t tell in bis balaclava, but because it’s written format, there you go.
Molly Moppit: “ What the fuck?”
“Your sentence actually was really poorly worded, Shiseido, so perhaps we can start there?” Molly says, clearly annoyed.
Lokii slinks down into her seat awkwardly.
“Wow, the insult humor!” Shiseido slow claps. “Again, again… you’re so talented.”
“No, because you actually pissed me off, grandma.” Molly stands up. “I take what I do very seriously-”
“I don’t see it.” Shiseido snips back.
“Girl.” Niagara whispers to Lady Gag, who smiles.
“When you can make a move, when you can entertain any level of talent beyond 1997, THEN get back to me, musty!” Molly says, her voice raised.
“MUSTY?!” Shiseido clutches her pearls.
“Boring. Outdated. Your drag has failed to evolve since the 90s, and no one likes you in New York City. Do you know that? You’re not LIKED, because you need CHARISMA, to get gigs! That’s why the only place you work in you’ve been at since 1992.” Molly snaps her fingers.
“I am a superstar. I am a legend, and I don’t need you antagonizing me. Not from a two-bit thief.” Shiseido scoffs.
“YOU started the fight!” Molly says.
“And now, I’m ending it.” Shiseido puts two pillows to the side of her.
Molly looks pissed off. “Just know I’ll be taking this crown, and you’ll be placing last.”
Shiseido laughs. “Try it.”
“If I need to do it myself, I will. Don’t disrespect me again.” Molly growls.
Molly Moppit: “I performed well this week. I can banter, but do not disrespect or state I don’t do drag well. Because I may be a lot of things but bad at drag is definitely more Lady Gag's thing. .”
“Well, that was fun.” Niagara says, before bursting into tears.
Everyone looks confused.
“Oh-” Lokii looks at Niagara. “Are you-”
“I JUST THOUGHT!” Niagara yells. “I just-”
“So loud.” Ethan mutters.
Lokii awkwardly hands Niagara a tissue as she snorts into it.
“I really, really do enjoy my drag. I know I can do a lot- I am a talented Queen, I am a proud artist and- I know I can do BETTER THAN THIS!” Niagara continues to cry.
Lady Gag rolls her eyes, and then shrugs.
Lady Gag: “Actually, I might be in the bottom, for my runway, ridiculously enough. So I think- keep crying, girl, i’m going to beat you in the lip sync.”
“It’s really hard to be here, but we try our best, we perform and survive.” Lokii smiles.
“I just think it should be you in the bottom, with your dumb puppets.” Niagara sniffs into her tissue.
Lokii: “Ouch.”
“Okay.” Lokii nods, moving away to another seat and taking away the tissue box.
“All of you are annoying.” Ethan utters, eyeing everyone.
~
Welcome back, racers.
I’ve made some decisions.
Lokii… do a little more, next time, please. We’re wanting you to deliver.
You’re safe.
Lokii nods.
Shiseido, this week, you served.
You’re safe.
“Many thanks.” Shiseido bows.
Niagara.
Lady Gag.
…
…
…
You’re safe.
Everyone looks surprised.
“I promise, mama, I'll be doing more.” Niagara wipes a tear.
Lady Gag: “I mean, I was surviving regardless.” Lady Gag shrugs.
Molly Moppit.
Ethan Angel-Eye.
I’m sorry my dears…
Molly Moppit: “WHAT THE FUCCCCCCK?!”
Ethan Angel-Eye: “This is strange. This is… not something I’ve expected.”
You are the TOP TWO of the week.
The two look excitedly.
But that’s not all.
“Huh?” Niagara stares, confused.
This week, you will not only lip sync for the win- but an IMMUNITY POTION that you can use this season… to save yourself… or another from elimination.
“Oh my god.” Lokii gasps.
Molly Moppit: “I’m stealing that potion.”’
Lady Gag: “This changes a lot. This potion- it’s incredible power…”
The time has come… for you to lip sync FOR THE WIN!
**Whip It by Nicki Minaj starts to play**
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fddz7vN9wA
Good luck… and don’t fuck it up!
Molly Moppit: “I am so excited for this. I like to perform. I like whips. And I WANT THIS POTION!”
Ethan Angel-Eye: “I’m here to assassinate this competition. And Molly? You’ve just become my first target.”
~
Next Time!
7 New Racers enter the competition!
“Leave it all to ME!” Carly Shay Jepsen winks.
Francesca La Fataliá: “Why is she crying?”
Nakomis Lotus sobs.
IMMUNITY POTION!
Shayla Moon: “This is my Sailor Moon Crystal, and I WILL have it.” Shayla cracks her knuckles.
~
Stats
Voting
Spreadsheet

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcript Subject: Vili, Venlil Citizen
Date [standardized human time]: December 1st, 2136
The absent adults were due to arrive any time by now. I navigated the crowd of children who milled about the field, taking a head count to ensure everyone was in sight.
Those who had family attending the excursion were bubbling with excitement to see their relatives while a couple others trailed behind me, asking me yet more banal questions about venlil society and how it feels to have fur and a tail.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” I had told April once. “It’s really, really… itchy. Have you ever had a bug crawling on you? Feels just like that. All the time.”
Chihiro didn’t approve as much of me saying that but Mercy seemed to enjoy the reaction I managed to get from the other kids. While I felt bad for exploiting the apparent human fear of insects, they were quick to forgive me, citing they “couldn't stay mad at a face like mine.”
Truthfully, I too began to enjoy seeing the children react to the things I'd tell them; the genuine nature in everything they did was more than I'd have expected from humans when I first arrived. Some of them would watch me with curiosity and wonder as we spoke, reminding me that this was a species who had only just been introduced onto the galactic stage and still had cause to gawk at the aliens.
Well, most of them.
Toward the edge of the gaggle of children was Lukas, moping away while trying to hide the black eye Amber had given him. A part of me was - flattered - disappointed that she'd risk herself to enact retaliation on my behalf, but I knew she wouldn't understand me were I to even tell her off about it.
Over the last few weeks, I'd gotten to know many of the children, though Lukas remained as distant as ever. In a way, I felt pity to see him so small even after witnessing the pleasure he got from putting others down and how infuriating I found his antics. He was full of anger and clearly had it misdirected at all non-humans for the actions of those who participated in the extermination fleet - at least he has reason.
I brushed at my ear to ward off the tingling sensation and let out an irritated growl. My hackles raised when I heard a sympathetic growl come from behind.
Turning about, I found that the source was Amber, also swiping at her ear in a mimicry of my action. I was far less bothered by her giddy snarl after having her do it every time she approached me, though it didn't make the itch at my back from almost jumping in fear go away.
“You do that a lot,” Amber giggled. “Is your ear itchy? Wait, don't answer that because I won't understand it.”
My ears whirled about and I tilted my head slightly to look directly at the strange little girl who'd been so eager to make friends with me from the very beginning. I'd accepted that, at least in her eyes, I was “Luka” and that I existed for her to talk to endlessly about her favorite hobbies despite her knowing she wouldn't understand anything I said in response.
Even then, I was still rather worried that I'd been so frequent with admonishing the more - sensible - pushy one that Amber had taken note. How many others could have noticed? I wasn't even sure how humans viewed me, but it wouldn't matter so much now that I was getting ready to return home to Luka.
I took a seat on the grass and found myself surrounded by a small following of kids that did the same. Amber, too, took a seat, but directly on my lap instead. I grunted as the surprisingly heavy child settled and I brought her head upon my scruff, allowing her to play with my paw.
“You only have three fingers and a thumb. That's pretty weird.”
“And you only have hair on the top of your head, that’s pretty weird too.”
“I’ll assume you were giving me a compliment…”
The other of the kids understood me and giggled at the back and forth as Amber raked a nail under my claws. While I was certain they were clean, Amber's scrutinizing stare felt as if I was being judged by my mother again.
“Your nails feel like a dog's. Maybe not as sharp.”
My translator interpreted that word as a “domesticated Terran predator” and I flicked my tail in indignation. I'd tried to shut out those who claimed I had traits akin to Earth fauna, though the accusations kept coming regardless.
From what I'd gathered, they believed my fur resembled that of a “sheep”, my tail and paws resembled a “cat”, and my ears were that of a “bunny”; now, I could add claws of a “dog” to that list. I had to keep reminding myself these humans didn't grow up knowing any other metric than that of the creatures from their home planet.
I knew the Terran Richard would return in the group that was due to arrive - Ma had made a point to inform me of such. The mention of the human's name spoiled my mood each time he was mentioned, and yet the Blackfox women continued to speak of him as though he was the most harmless thing.
I was not over the way he seemed to look down on my brother as an obedient servant, laying hands on him as though he were a dumb animal rather than a person. Luka had been the pillar that held me up since we were barely able to walk and talk, and it burned me up inside to see him crave the validation of predators when I knew he didn’t need it.
Amber, seemingly bored with one paw, grabbed the other as I let my arm remain limp. At first, I felt only the tickle as she played at the knuckles on this one as well, but there was a pause as she turned it over to face the palm outwards.
“Where'd you get this?”
I looked at my own palm and felt my heart skip a beat as Amber's claw pointed directly at the cut in my paw. I'd thought she had noticed it before, but the fact she'd call attention to it now when I was surrounded by the other children made a chill run up my back. I was still uncertain if bloodlust was a learned trait, and so being surrounded by juvenile predators at a moment like this did not sit well with me.
Trying to retract my paw, a lump raised in my throat as the human child’s grip hardened on my wrist. The other children watched with curiosity and neither of my assistants nor Martha were around to call for advice. I was to settle this on my own.
I asked with a shaky tone, “Amber?”
She rolled her head back until the tip of my snout brushed against her forehead. I got to look into the depths of her arboreal eyes, letting me see every red-blooded vein, every muscle twitch, every flash as they glistened in the red sun's light while the predator gave me her full, undivided attention. She even offered me her usual flash of the teeth. “Yeah?”
“Pah… Per… Pwers?”
I wiggled my arm in an attempt to indicate what I was asking to have released.
“Hold on, I'll let go in a sec.”
She understood me this time, but I sighed as she promptly ignored my request. She once again played with my claws, twisting them back and forth gently as she hummed to herself.
“Looks like it was made by your claws,” she concluded while continuing to toy with them. “This is why my momma always had us trim Butterscotch's claws, because she kept scratching me up when we played.”
The name once again tripped up my translator, describing it as a candy made from melted sugar and congealed milk fat. I tried to suppress the bile that built in my throat as I considered that worse than the item's description was the fact that she'd named an animal which had a reputation for scratching her after it.
Please, please don't throw away everything we'd built in this one moment.
“I miss Butterscotch,” she muttered. “But now I have new friends! Alien-friends!”
She rolled her head back again and looked back up at me.
“Like you! We're friends, right Luka?”
Her eyes shone with bright innocence and juvenile glee, making my fears melt away.
“Ie-e… I’ezz, frn'dz,” I confirmed. Apparently, my vocals didn't lend themselves to speaking Amber's tongue any better than hers did mine. Every word I spoke felt as though I needed to clear my throat after.
“Cool!”
With that conclusion, the dark-haired girl snapped back to my arm and pressed her lips to the back of my paw. I went slack as she did so and it felt as though all of my muscles had lost their function at once as I sat motionless and silent. I could see and hear the world around me and yet it didn't register that anything existed.
I felt her face lift from my flesh and Amber proclaimed proudly, “Momma did that every time I got bruised up and told me it helped with healing! So maybe you'll get better too!”
“Ah-hah,” was the only response I could manage, made on impulse as the rest of my brain felt a million light years away.
“Alright, everyone,” a voice called from behind us. “They're here, so clear out so they have somewhere to park!”
There was a commotion as the children all scrambled to their feet, including Amber, and they rushed with zealous squeals back toward the body of the camp. But not me.
My jaw remained slack as I stared at the back of my paw, focusing on the wet spot imprinted in my fur. It was a bite of sorts, described exactly as Tac had told me, and yet not a mark was left on my flesh save for the tingling of nerves as I seized up.
My back hit the grass and I let my tail curl around my leg as I held my paw to the sky. “Wuh…”
Something approached and kicked up the grass as I laid still and glared at my decidedly unharmed paw. My eyes traveled up to find Mercy standing over me with the corners of her mouth turned downwards.
“You good?”
“Why did you bite Tac?”
“Lord help us all,” she mumbled while rolling her eyes. “C'mon, let's get you outta here before you’re turned into ven-paté under some truck.”
“Uh huh.”
The elder teen’s grip helped me to my feet as I regained faculties, though I still felt weak. “It was a legitimate question, though,” I told her.
“It's just a sign of affection, I guess. I never really considered it so much before, y’know? It's not like you really think about why everything is when it's so normal, right?”
Speak for yourself, I wanted to tell her, though I held my tongue.
As I took a seat, the thrumming of engines could be heard coming from over the brow of the hill. Apparating as though it were a giant, segmented insect were the adult humans in their ramshackle vehicles, rattling down the hill with each occupied by at least five or six bodies in each of the dozen autos.
The children and elders alike rushed to greet their family as they parked and disembarked from the chain of gas guzzlers. Parents lifted their children in the air and hugged them while the elders chatted with them. But among the troupe of humans that had arrived, I knew something felt off.
“They’re one vehicle short,” I noted to Mercy.
“Hm?”
“I counted them when they left. They’re one short.”
Her piercing gaze scanned the fleet herself before she nodded. “Mike’s missing.”
Michael was the driver that Richard had departed with and so that helped explain the deadpan Terran’s absence. Luka and Hileen both recounted the same human by name when talking of their experiences with them, with both drawing the conclusion that he had to be the worst driver on Venlil Prime.
“Psst,” came a voice hissing from behind. “Mercy.”
Mercy turned to give attention to Tac as he sulked away from the crowd as usual, though I remained with my back turned to him while watching the humans interact.
The tip of my tail tickled at the grass watching children get smothered in affection by their parents, and they in turn received hugs from their elders as others chattered. I itched at the back of my palm where Amber's mouth had been as Johnny's parents each planted a similar bite on his cheek and forehead. Chihiro carried her brother on her shoulders as she chatted with her own parents with brimming snarls.
“Looks like Mike had a bit too much fun and ran his truck off the road,” Mercy told me as she came back from talking with Tac. “They're on their way.”
“I can do without seeing Crow.”
“Yeah, well, I could do with a place to practice rock climbing, but we can't always get what we want.”
“You humans really are strange for wanting to climb stuff.”
“It's in our nature, no matter how deeply buried.”
She playfully bumped me on the shoulder and I returned with a gentle lashing of my tail against her ankle to which she welcomed with hissing laughter. The teenager wandered off in the direction of her family's tent.
The crowd that had gathered to greet the returning humans was slowly beginning to disperse as the vehicles were unloaded of a variety of equipment. I was relieved to find that there were no signs of blood or death to be seen, assuaging the deep-seated worry that I had of the humans being on the hunt. As little trust as I had for Crow, there'd be no redeeming one so sordid as himself were he to be everything he was as well as a murderer.
I looked forward to seeing Luka again, even if the only thing he had to tell me was stories of his human coworkers. Perhaps now I had stories of my own experiences with humans to tell him and maybe I'd get to see that glimmer in his eye once again that had so long ago been tarnished.
Amber's delighted shrieks were heard over the commotion and I could spot her being held in the air above her father's head as her toothy snarl became somehow wider. Her legs kicked while she wriggled in the hefty human’s embrace and turned attention to her mother as she was lowered into her grasp.
Even here amongst predators, thoughts of home still hounded me. The closest I could recall mom or dad ever coming to that was when they brought me along to one of their outings for dinner where I was allowed to pick the venue. I was still not permitted to talk to other people even then, but I didn't mind at the time.
The gurgle of another gas-powered engine roared over the brow of the hill, prompting a few others and I to turn our attention upwards.
Breaching the horizon came the last truck, though I was curious to note that it appeared to be driving backwards. Tilting my head didn't give me any more of a vantage to figure out why the truck backed up down the hill, nor did it help decipher the mindless chanting that ramped up as the vehicle closed the distance.
“John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
Are they plastic, are they steel-a”
A claw tapping me on the shoulder spooked me, though I had grown to suppress the instinct to jump and make a fuss. “Momma would like to talk before we send you off,” Mercy told me. “She's in our tent.”
I obeyed the summons, almost forgetting how to navigate the maze of rickety shacks and tents to find the Blackfoxes’ residence. It was a simple task, though, once I remembered that the elder sibling had given it a “groovy” paint job.
Approaching the government-issued yurt that had been painted with vivid flowers, I found it odd for it to not have a horde of humans gathered around. They'd typically mill about Martha's tent while she spoke with each of them about their concerns, though what became of their talks was beyond my knowledge.
I ducked inside without notifying Martha, finding her seated at the squat table that was situated in the middle of the tent. The matriarch turned her eyes up to face me and she happily set her insulated cup down.
“There's not really any room for more chairs,” she told me. “But feel free to take a seat anywhere.”
My ears gently brushed against the top of the tent before I sat down just to the right of where she rested. In this claustrophobic environment, I'd have assumed I was being lured into a trap before. At the very least, I still kept my ears on a swivel for signs of trouble, but now confidence outweighed caution.
We sat for a moment without saying anything as Ma adjusted her seat to look at me directly, leaning an elbow against the table as she reclined.
She asked, “Enjoy your stay?”
I scratched the scruff on my neck as I wondered that myself.
“No. Not at first.”
“But now you can say you did?”
“Everything here is a new experience. For me, and possibly every other person who'd have grown up under the Federation.”
“You pulled through, despite being surrounded by predators. That's more than can be said for the lady who stabbed a guy in panic on the first day of the Exchange Program.”
My ear waggled in entertainment to think someone had set the bar so low. What fool would brazenly assault a predator to begin with?
“There were a few times where I thought I'd need to run for the hills,” I explained. “The children you raise are an unadulterated look into what life was like back on Earth, if nothing else.”
Martha chuckled and covered her snarl with a palm as she spoke, “I will choose to believe that's a compliment, given your opinion on us before.”
“I'd say it's a stellar review in the face of almost drowning while under your employment.”
Her face fell a bit and she rubbed the back of her neck while averting her eyes. “Yeah…”
“That is to say!” I blurted out hastily. “Th-that everything else has made it worth my time.”
My desperation to clarify myself felt embarrassing and my ears turned warm as they went flush. Martha sat still for a moment before she spoke again.
“When Richard hired you, he told me you wanted to up your price. 1200 credits?”
“It's a big ask in hindsight, I know. I didn't realize how tight your budget was at the time and I'm grateful that you've offered me—”
She waved a hand with a shushing hiss.
“We don't need to worry so much about that now. Where I was going with that was, that you agreed to our terms yourself, and accepted with only a reasonable upcharge. No other local would've been so quick to take on this job for even quadruple the price!”
“Brashness is a quality of mine I'm becoming more familiar with,” I joked.
“Must be something in the water. But payment is why I summoned you here, actually. We have only a few members who were on board with having an ‘alien’ presiding over the children, and fewer still who contributed any funds.”
“So what you're offering is out of the pocket of only a couple of contributors. I see.”
“I hope it doesn't lessen your opinion of us to tell you that.”
I scratched my snout and exhaled, shaking free the impulse to inquire any further with a flick of my ear.
“So I suppose all there is left to do is arrange payment, and I'll be on my way?”
“It would seem so.”
Heavy footsteps shuffled across the grass outside though conversation from the crowd remained distant. They stopped right outside of the entrance and the canvas foyer rattled as knuckles rapped against the cloth.
“Martha, it's me,” growled a familiar voice. “Everyone decent?”
“You’re clear, come on in.”
The flap shot open and my paw balled into a fist as Richard froze upon spotting me. The predator’s blank gaze didn’t hide their confusion when I could clearly spot their eyes flicking between Martha and I.
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Crow asked.
“We were just finishing up,” I responded, making no effort to hide my contempt for the interloper's presence.
Martha waved a hand to one of the chairs. “Have a seat, and I'll be right with you.”
Richard seemed almost deflated as he sulked over to the table. I resisted the opportunity to trip him with my tail in front of Martha to humiliate him, instead glowering at him as he afforded me a quick glance. I turned my attention back to the leader figure that was present while he took a seat.
“So 1100 credits was the agreed upon price, yes?”
“It was, though if there's anything else you desire outside the monetary value, you need only ask. We can't offer much, but I'm sure I have the ear of someone who can.”
“Hopefully you don't mean that literally,” I jested, putting on a facade of worry.
I could spot Crow watching Martha chuckle at my quip. His miserable expression was almost unreadable, save for the furrowing of the pelts on his brow.
Let him watch me charm his kind as easily as he thinks he can mine.
I raised my tail behind my head while I leaned against the table and curled the end loosely to convey appreciation. It was a sign that was rarely used outside of close bonding - that is to say, it'd been a while since I had been able to use it.
Recognition didn't light up in Martha's expression but I was content with projecting affection in any way I could. Understanding wasn't as important as the gesture itself.
“So might I at least know the names of those who did contribute? I'd like to express my thanks to them.”
Richard was the one who responded, “I wouldn't ask questions I wouldn't want the answers—”
“What he means,” Martha interjected. “Is that most contributors wouldn't like being mentioned by name. Aliens are still a polarizing subject and can crop up arguments that others may be obligated to avoid.”
My ears and tail sagged a bit. “Did my presence bring up that much of a problem?”
“More like it's one of a million other things these people can't agree about. But of those who I think would enjoy a bit of gratitude, you may already know some of them.”
“Oh? Tell me!”
I made eye contact with Crow who remained quiet as he cradled his chin in his palm against the table. His bored demeanor irked me in ways I couldn't describe.
“The Ito family, of whom you're already familiar with their daughter Chihiro, were the first to pledge. They're good folk and will happily accept your thanks. Next was myself, though I didn't give much. One of our cooks, Raksh, also contributed a bit, though that may have been more out of courtesy than anything else. And lastly…”
She lazily extended a claw toward Richard.
“... is Mister Crow here, your biggest donor who paid damn near half of your wage!”
Slowly, I felt myself deflate as enthusiasm made way for disappointment. I gritted my teeth to keep any brash words from escaping my lips.
“Closer to a third, actually,” he corrected her. “And with me already having the contact details of your brother, that means I can help set up the rest of the transaction.”
Even when I think I'm winning, he finds a way to one-up me.
“Would you mind giving us a moment, Vili? I think Mister Crow came here to say something and I’d hate to keep you from saying your goodbyes.”
Obliging her request, Martha and Richard waited patiently as I shuffled out of the tent. I hadn't realized how tightly my paw was clenched before reaching the outside where I felt my joints creak with relief as the fist unballed.
In the short time I'd been away, I secretly began to crave interaction from any of the humans I'd become acquainted with. My mind drifted to the slop that Big Joe always served, and how he always laughed every time I tried to inquire as to his full name. It wasn't quite dinner time, though, and so I then considered if any of the kids were still roaming about for me to tell stories to.
Whispers came from the tent before I could set a destination and my ears immediately perked up. I'd found that the humans’ ears were not nearly as effective as mine and so I found it easy to go unnoticed around them. I assumed they thought I was out of earshot by now.
I crouched on one knee and raised an ear to listen, though it was garbled hisses from this far. Curiosity got the better of me and I shuffled on my knees toward the tent, hiding in the shadow cast by an adjacent tent to mask my presence.
“... playing games with the lives of children,” came the low growl of Crow.
“Miss Ito and my own daughter are both very capable of defending themselves and the children from a venlil, Richard. You need to have faith that things can turn out alright.”
“Faith! She wanted to—”
There was a pause before I heard heavy stomping through the canvas. The mesh flaps that acted as windows were quickly torn shut one by one. I feared Crow would spot me, but he seemed too focused on hiding whatever it was he was talking about.
“She told me that she would've used my brains to add character development to a fucking snowglobe. Faith wouldn't have saved me if she carried through.”
“The fact that she informed you of her plot should be some small comfort that there's a piece of her that trusts you.”
“We don't know how many pieces there are! Should we wait for her to try to gore me on the street a second time? Perhaps you’ll get some insight if she sticks a claw through my eye?”
“I'd never let it come to that. I do wonder why it is that you're so worried about her. Did you not tell me you knew someone in her position?”
I heard a huff leave Richard before he spoke, “That was while she was getting help from professionals! What, do you hope to get her the therapy she needs from some squalid nowhere shantytown when we're eating out of the aliens’ trough ourselves?”
“It's a preferable alternative to leaving her at the mercy of the Federation's methods of ‘healing’. At least this way, she's getting help that matters.”
By this point, their voices had lowered into hissing whispers that even I strained to hear.
“I expect that you'll be more open with the others about your motives in the future, Martha. Maybe I have no rock to stand on when I say this, but your actions could very well draw the UN's eye, and the last thing I want is to have the Blues down here.”
“Is it related to your incarceration? Perhaps you were on parole before the bombing and fear the UN will be after you?”
I listened to rustling coming from my left and the conversation grew quiet. I turned to see Tac trotting along, surprisingly unaccompanied by Mercy as he shoveled a bowl of stew into his maw. He stopped mid-bite to look at me hunched over next to the Blackfoxes’ tent and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
Shove off, I signaled to him. Come back later.
Weird, he replied before trotting off without fuss, thankfully.
There was something of a release from within the tent as I heard Crow and Blackfox alike exhale.
“I assure you, Richard,” Martha started again. “Whatever fears you have, you're protected by venlil laws of asylum as well as having the backing of myself-”
“We can do therapy later,” Crow butted in. “I'll take Vili home. I hope you're prepared to explain to your son that this mission we've embarked on wasn't the quest for glory he thought it'd be.”
“I've tried my best to tamp his expectations down, but I was hoping that Kanek would be open to publishing our actions. The bus that is taking the ones you rescued into town should be arriving shortly, and Kanek will be here soon after she's shushed them.”
I scampered off when I heard Crow trudge out of the tent, using my paws to crawl as quietly as I could manage out of sight. Blowing dirt off of the scab on my punctured paw, I walked off to find people I wanted to say goodbye to.

Most of the kids were already spending time with their families, but the few who still milled about and played were happy to give one last goodbye. Riley broke down in tears while we embraced and I now had a stain on the fur of my belly where her tears had soaked through.
I tried shifting by a group of the adults that were celebrating their return around a campfire. The looks I got as I did so were unnerving now that I understood the discourse that my presence had caused.
Approaching Crow, I pretended I didn’t know why he was slinking between groups and milling wanderers with a leering eye. He turned about to the sounds of my paws shuffling across the grass and threw his head backwards in a lazy greeting similar to how Mercy would.
“Are you ready to head back home?”
“I'm sure Luka has held the place down on his own… but yes.”
“Good, I'll bring the truck around for you and we'll be on our way.”
“Richa-a-a-a-ard!”
My ears perked up and I snapped my head about to meet the approaching Amber with her arms outstretched. Her voice bounced with each step as she rushed toward the towering Terran. Crow let out a grunt as she forced her arms around his waist and jumped about with glee.
“Mama said you were a party pooper! You told me you'd stay cool!”
“Aw, I'm sure you can forgive me for keeping to myself, Amber. Did you enjoy your time alone?”
Amber turned the corners of her mouth down in a pouty expression. “No, I didn't have anyone to help me with my homework!”
Richard patted the young girl on the back and began trying to pry her arms from him.
“I'm sure you managed just fine, you're smarter than the average second grader. And how did Vili treat you?”
I folded my ears back when Crow's eyes turned back to me.
“Vili? That's Luka!”
Amber finally unlatched herself from Crow and rushed over to my side, jabbing a claw toward me.
“See? The ear is the same color! And she knows when I say her name! Mercy told me venlil don't have boobies like human girls do but she's a girl! You were wrong!”
A couple of the voices closest to us erupted in the familiar, grating laughter that accompanied humans everywhere. I tilted my head while trying to grasp what it was Amber said that had earned such a response. Human and venlil physiology was different for sure, but I'd never considered it so entertaining.
Perhaps it's some in-joke that I'm not knowledgeable on, I thought, humans seem to like those.
Crow lowered his eyes to the ground and pursed his lips before squatting down and beckoning Amber toward him. She obeyed and the taller Terran cupped a hand over her ear, whispering quietly.
Amber's eyes lit up as Crow continued and her mouth hung agape. “Lu- ah, er…you're a twin?!”
In a rush, Amber grasped the fur around my ribs and began shaking me back and forth. “You were hiding it from me-e-e!”
Given this small child was still two-thirds my weight, I wobbled like a sapling in the wind as I tried to grab for the scolding child's wrists.
“Please. Stop. Gonna hurl.”
The little girl groaned and buried her face in my stomach. “You must think I'm pretty stupid too, huh?”
Mustering as much of my understanding of English, I belched out, “No.”
Amber buried her face deeper into my pelt while exhaling.
“l'ou… no donb.”
She raised her head to look me head-on, something which I couldn't return in full for the placement of my eyes.
“I'ou's… Zm’rd. Kappy. Ngai'z.”
“You stink at English,” Amber giggled while shooting me one last face-splitting snarl. I mashed her cheeks between my paws and she relented her grasp.
“I neeb go, fr'nd! O’gee?”
“Okay! I promise I'll try to know how to say ‘hi’ next time! And more.”
Richard butted in, “I'm sure she'll hold you to that promise, but I think it's time we got going.”
As soon as he had suggested as much, I caught sight of a human who was only covered in pelts from the waist down stagger into view. The glassy eyed stare and uncoordinated movement were all too familiar to me even without knowing where they were before.
They growled, “Fucks the alien still doing here?”
“Just about to get going, Paul,” Richard shot back. “Don't concern yourself with her.”
“It has been here long enough! Move along, little lambchop!”
“Man, lay off,” another human intervened. “She's as welcome here as any other guest.”
“Nah, Paul has a point. How do we know she ain't some Baby Burner spy or some shit? Get the xeno outta here!”
The humans quickly began bickering amongst themselves and I felt the firm grasp of Crow on my shoulder tug me away from the commotion. Amber trailed behind, watching the debates unfold behind us while we made our way along.
Crow opened the door in a raggedy truck in even worse condition than the others, standing aside for me to enter. While I didn't want to test the predator's patience in light of the tension behind us, I whirled about to give Amber one last goodbye hug. Her grasp around my neck was like iron though the wet streams on her face were all I needed to know that I should let her have this.
“You're gonna come back, right? You and your brother are gonna come and say hi?”
I saw no point in trying to cobble together an articulate sentence in her own language that'd fall flat as soon as I spoke. I considered my words carefully while I clasped her hands in my paws.
“I want to, but I have class that I need to catch up with, as well as I'm in need of a stable job once I'm through with this one. I don't know when I'll be back, but I want you to know that you've made this the best two weeks I've had in a long time, Amber. I don't know how much of my language you understand, but your enthusiasm has surpassed all barriers.”
She stared back up at me with her lips locked in an “oh” pose before turning to Richard who still watched with a lazy gaze.
“She said ‘maybe’.”
That seemed to suffice for Amber as she broke free and ran off squealing with her arms in the air as she always did when she was excited. I'd gotten used to the ear-splitting shrieks of the kids, and my ears didn't even fold back on reflex anymore.
“That's not what I said,” I grumbled to Crow.
He clicked his tongue as he held the door open for me. “Less is more. She's a kid, so she may not fully grasp your struggles anyway.”
With a huff, I crawled into the truck and kicked my feet up onto the dashboard while Crow ducked in behind the wheel. He twisted the key and the vehicle gurgled to life.
Strangely enough, I found that instead of the truck lurching forward, Crow put the vehicle into reverse, using the mirror to navigate up the hill. The truck seemed to make sure we felt every rock and bump that it struck, and I eventually decided to straighten out my posture so that I didn't get folded in half by a particularly bad bump.
Richard seemed unfazed by the sickness-inducing commotion, guiding the truck up the hill with a steady gaze. Stopping at the top, he whipped out his holopad and tapped away while quietly mumbling to himself.
“... hundred-fifty year-old country shit, sure why not.”
He tapped once more and the truck's audio system whirred with the melodic twang of a stringed instrument accompanied by simple percussion. A human's strange croon came over the speaker in a curious tune.
“You held me up, held me down
Made me crazy, then turned me around…”
Richard twisted the knob to bring the volume down to a more agreeable level and I caught a glimpse down at the camp. A group of humans were now gathered where I'd been talking with Amber just moments before.
Now, I could spot the human Paul bumping chests with a human much larger than he, noses almost touching in a clear display of aggression as they howled at each other. Humans pointed claws at one another and argued while yet more flocked to the scene of the commotion. Whether their motives were to disperse or exacerbate was yet to be seen.
“You were my shelter and my storm
Made me cold, then you made me warm…”
Crow finally put the truck in gear and we rolled backwards yet again, leaving the only sight before me the peaks of the Belimal retreating beneath the grassy brow.
As I let the truck shuttle me back to my brother, I yearned for the comfort of my own bed and blankets, for the soft hum of my own air conditioning unit, and for the obnoxious snoring and sleep-talking of my own flesh and blood.
From here, one might even be able to see the highest of the foothills from which my roots would lay betwixt, a reminder that the pangs of home weren't just knots in my stomach. Luka and I had a long way to go to get away from home, and even longer to be rid of it.
“One step forward and two steps back, nobody gets too far like that
One step forward and two steps back, this kind of dance can never last.”
[ First / Previous ]

Previous
Writer's Note: Meant to post this last week, but work got busy. Probably gonna be another chapter later this week.
As for the story, well, even old dudes have back stories.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joey did what he could to stay as calm as he could as he and Nesvee walked through the streets of the city.
For the first time since coming to this world he actually LOOKED like a mage. Well... minus a few fun dressup sessions when James had taken him shopping for clothes. He couldn't help but try on some robes and things at the time. But both James and the tailors had assured him that most mages didn't actually dress like that. Most dressed like either craftsmen, like Miss Veliry, or else simply dressed like nobles since their endeavors usually earned them good pay. Ekron fell into the latter group.
But Joey looked more like a D&D version of a mage or wizard.
Maybe a blade singer or something? He mused as his thoughts lingered on the rapier in his belt.
The outfit wasn't bad. He wore a long cloak of dark blue, with bits of dark green and light blue embroidery. It had a built in veil that went over his face. The whole thing was enchanted to conceal his magical nature even more intensely than the neck and wrist restraints had, and he was wearing those too. The veil and hood were both enchanted to conceal his antlers and obscure his face.
He looked like a technicolor wraith of some kind.
Even Nesvee had been unnerved by his appearance when he'd left his room wearing it.
That discomfort had quickly been dispelled when they'd gone more than twenty minutes without anyone giving him more than a passing glance.
"So the old man has a list of stuff he needs and where to get them." Nesvee said as she looked at the little notebook he'd given her. "As well as one person to seek out for a bit of assistance?" She said, questioning the last bit.
He looked at her curiously, forgetting that she couldn't see his face behind the veil.
"Some... Garthan... person." She said as she looked at the notes. "At a place called the... um... Tinnetha's Rest.... Says it's east of the lab by about six miles. Near the bar district." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Why does that name sound familiar?"
"What else?" Joey asked, eager to simply get the day's tasks over with.
"Mostly just bits and pieces here and there." She replied. "Things he thinks will help with figuring out how to help you."
Joey nodded, making sure to exaggerate it a bit as he did so she would notice, then the two of them set off into the city.
Now that he had managed to calm down, and also wasn't being given any more attention than the occasional passing glance, Joey was able to take in the city of Ospiele with a more critical eye.
Initially he'd thought the city was in shambles. Their journey through the city over the course of the day did nothing to dispel that fact. But he did begin to notice things that gave him reason to think that there was a method to the madness.
For starters the sector of the city that they'd entered, and where Ekron's lab/home were located, seemed to be the only area devoted to dedicated mage laboratories. These buildings ranged from druidic (he assumed) forest groves that frequently spilled into their neighbors' lots, to almost Earth-like office-looking buildings. They also seemed to have been color coded based on their owner's magical proclivities. More than a few times magical outbursts would occur, causing passersby to rush out of the way of anything happening. For red buildings this was usually bursts of flame. For blue buildings it was usually sprays of water or ice. And for one incredibly dirty brown building the outburst actually took the form of half of the building rising several feet unexpectedly, breaking away from the other half with quite a bit of damage. The hastily nailed down boards and tiles spoke to this being a common occurrence.
One building had Cobalt Legion guards stationed outside of it, and people walking past made a point of walking in the street instead of walking on the path in front of it.
That building had been painted black, with subtle bits of red and green in some places.
At his questioning Nesvee explained that she'd noticed the same trend, and that upon questioning it Ekron had explained it was intentional. The Lord of the city, whom they'd met the day before, had required that the labs have their owner's specialties and focuses be easily identified by the city guard. This was so that they could know how to respond, and who to blame, if something went wrong that they needed to respond to.
This made the quiet grey and white coloration of Ekron's lab curious to Joey. He wondered if it was because the elder mage primarily focused on enchanting, and as such worked with more than one magic style.
When they got roughly three miles from the lab they encountered a check point of sorts. The guards there, more of the so-called Cobalt Legion, asked a few questions. Nesvee showed them a letter that explained they worked for Ekron and were simply going for supplies. Then they were allowed through.
On the other side of the check point the city almost looked normal. In fact if it weren't for the difference in architecture, which favored stone construction over lumber, Joey could've been convinced he was back in the Petravian capital.
Well, the architecture and the overabundance of magic users and enchanted items being used in every building they passed. Even in his current magical condition Joey could sense the overwhelming flow of magic. And almost everything that was being used seemed more advanced than in Petravus.
They passed a bakery where the goods were placed on a tray that was then placed on a conveyor belt. The belt then passed them between too sheets of metal that would slowly grow brighter and brighter red until the pastries and breads emerged from the other side. At that point the pan they were on would glow blue while vibrating noisily, cooling itself and also un-sticking the the foods cooked onto it before they could solidify. Then the tray would fall off the conveyor belt and slide into a display case where an employee was ready to take orders.
Don't remember anything that fancy even in the King's castle. Joey thought as they moved past.
"Hungry?" Nesvee asked. "Just wait until you see the shops up ahead." She added. "There's this place selling these new sandwiches from your neck of the woods in Petravus. They called them Hand Bulgers. The dwarf running it has a machine that mixes the meat and then another that shapes it into disks before he throws them on a grill."
"You mean hamburgers?" Joey asked, surprised to even hear of burgers this far from Petravus. Though he knew that the restaurant James had introduced them too in the capital had become insanely popular.
Nesvee shook her head. "No they're definitely hand bulgers."
She couldn't see it but Joey's face scrunched at that.
"Round shaped meat disk between round bread buns?" He asked. "Veggies and cheese and stuff in it too?" She nodded. "That's definitely a cheeseburger." He corrected her.
"Noooot according to the guy running the place." She countered.
"Well he's wrong." Joey assured her. "I would know. I'm FROM Petravus where they came from."
"Well you can tell him that yourself if you're willing to wait an hour to get through the line." She replied.
"I... think I'll pass." He said, still annoyed.
They passed a tavern, at which a few of the Cobalt Legion were resting. They had their helmets off and were enjoying beers and wine, along with something that looked suspiciously like bowls of ramen, or maybe udon.
Can't give James credit for THAT recipe.
He was surprised to learn that the people underneath the helmets looked both incredibly young, AND incredibly aged.
If he had to guess, he would've estimated the oldest of them as being no more than twenty five or so. And yet their eyes had bags under them, and haunted looks IN them. The men bore dark beard shadows and ALL of them had their hair cut incredibly short, including the few women.
In short, they reminded him of how a bunch of James's soldier friends looked when he'd met them a few times. Young, yet prematurely old.
He couldn't imagine what being both a soldieguard AND an anti-mage specialist in a city full of mages did to a person. But the faces he saw as they passed the tavern spoke to the weariness that duty put them through.
One of the guards looked at him curiously as he saw Joey's veiled and hooded head studying them. The guard was reaching for their helmet when the tavern server arrived and put a new round of drinks on their table.
Joey quickly looked away.
"I think that's the first stop." Nesvee said as she nudged his shoulder, breaking him out of his thoughts. She was pointing at a sign with a drawing of some gemstones and a monocle on it. She held up the notepad and looked at it again. "Yeah. There's a few crystal types on here." She confirmed. "Plus a few things that I think MIGHT... be crystals. I don't know what Mordian ice is. But I figure that jeweler should know."
Joey nodded and followed her. Though he was fairly certain that Mordian Ice was a type of liquid. He wasn't 100% certain, but he thought he'd seen a jar with that name on it in Veliry's lab in Petravus.
And just like that, the two of them were shopping in earnest.
They didn't notice a somewhat pudgy looking man walking about twenty yards behind them. He occasionally stopped to inspect something from the shops they passed, and even bought a cheese filled pastry from the bakery Joey had noticed.
But he always kept the two shoppers in his sight, even if only out of the corner of his eye.
Ekron waved his hand, causing his front door to swing open smoothly and silently.
"Good afternoon Ravyn." He said as he poured a cup of tea and set it in front of the chair to his left. "Timely as always."
The large half orc woman walked in calmly as he put two scoops of sugar in the tea for her. Just like she preferred.
"I still need the enchantment that keeps your door from slamming when it does that." She said as she presented her hand to him. He kissed it lightly, as he always did when he saw his old coworker. She looekd back and smiled as the door also closed itself just as silently. "Mine always makes such a racket." She said as she sat in the indicated chair and sipped the tea. "Mmmmm. Still remember my preference eh?" She asked as she swept her silver hair back over her shoulder and behind her ear.
"Vatrian crimson. Two scoops." He said as she made herself comfortable. "How have you been dear?" He asked.
"Quite well." She replied. "Pan gave birth to my third grand daughter last month."
Ekron smiled curtly. "Congratulations." He said. "I remember her when she was still just a toddler on your hip."
"Those were the days weren't they." She said with a raise of her glass and a similar smile. "Now tell me. What are these rumors I hear of you walking in the company of a messenger?" She asked. "I assume that IS... why you requested me to come here."
Ekron nodded. "It is." He admitted. "Though they AREN'T a messenger."
Her eyebrow rose, and she was about to ask how he knew that. But she was interrupted.
BANG!
The front door slammed open, causing Ekron to chew on his upper lip in annoyance.
"Ekkie!!!"Morris Kestin exclaimed as he swaggered into the building with his arms up as if he was some kind of performer walking on stage. Then he made a point of looking around in an exaggerated manner. "Where's our little messenger friend?"
Ekron did NOT pour a cup of tea for his former teammate.
"I've told you SO many times now, NOT to call me that." Ekron said. "And by the gods, its a door not your ass in a bar where you owe money. There's no need to kick it that hard." He said as he waved it shut again.
"And apparently he ISN'T a messenger." Ravyn said slyly. "Good afternoon Morris."
"Ravyn dear." Kestin said as he gestured for her to hug him. She stood briefly and obliged him. Unlike Ekron she'd never had an issue with Kestin's overly friendly nature. "You let him drag you into this too?"
"The whole city is on edge with news of a messenger." She replied as she settled again. "You know full well why I can't just stay away from something like that. Especially when our friend here is right at the middle of it."
Kestin waggled a finger at her. "In your tea again?" He asked as he plopped down in the chair on the opposite side of the table they were sat at.
Ekron cringed as Ravyn's face soured. To the extent that she ever let it.
She held her cup of tea up as she rolled with the joke, which had been made at her expense.
"Not for a few more sips." She said. It was no secret that soothsayers like her had been struggling for the past decade or so as contact with the gods had faded out, and then essentially dropped off entirely.
"So." Kestin said as he reached across the table and helped himself to the tea. "Is HE... coming? I mean. You called me and Ravyn. Belga is... well... not here anymore. HE's the only one left yeah?"
Ekron nodded uncomfortably.
"He's about to knock on my door as we speak." Ekron said before taking a long sip of his own tea.
^{"No I'm not."} A muted voice said from outside. ^{"Just open the damned thing."}
Ekron took a deep breath. Then waved his hand.
When he did, the Commander of the Cobalt Legion stepped into his home and stood awkwardly in the doorway to the meeting/dining room they were seated at. Like the others from before, his armor sparked and flared as it interacted with the magic of the building.
Even under the dark blue helmet it was obvious that they were staring at Ekron. And he stared right back.
Then after an uncomfortably long silence, the armored knight removed his helmet.
Ekron's clean-shaven doppelganger stared back at him as he beheld the face of his twin brother for the first time in over a decade.
"Good evening Lady Hardfate." He said, breaking the silence as he showed deference to one of the most powerful fortune tellers in the land. Then he rolled his eyes as he looked at Kestin. "Kestin." He said simply.
"Good afternoon Commander." Ravyn said with a soft smile.
The Commander of the Cobalt Legion didn't take the chair so clearly intended for him, opting to stand instead.
"If this is about your NOT-messenger test subject you could have saved me a trip little brother." The knight said with obvious annoyance. "I likely know more about him than you do at this point."
"Oooh." Kestin said, drawing a look of even more annoyance. "Sounds like Lord Tobin has his spies looking into him."
"That's Lord Mattis to you." The commander corrected.
Ekron rubbed at the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
"He's a reincarnation... or... or a regeneration of some kind." He cut in.
The rest of them froze mid conversation to look at him in surprise.
"I suspect that whatever happened five and a half years ago in Petravus. Between the Hero and the vanishing blight." He continued. "I believe that whatever occurred... he died as a result. And now, by the grace of the gods, he's back."
"Impossible." Ravyn replied, surprising him. He'd expected that kind of reaction from his brother or Kestin, not her. "The gods are gone."
At that Kestin DID react.
"They're what?" The vagabond swordsman/mage asked.
She waved him away dismissively.
Ekron watched his brother's face intensely.
More specifically he watched how little that information surprised the stalwart man.
The two of them stared at each other as Ravyn and Kestin began to argue lightly with one another.
"Vann?" Ekron asked of his elder sibling. "I'm trying to help him. And prevent him from accidentally causing an international incident. Or a crisis of the faiths."
The other two silenced as they heard the quiet request.
"I've asked you three here to help me with that." Ekron continued. "Please tell me what you know."
Vann considered the not of pleading in his brother's voice as he looked at the others.
These were his closest friends. Or had been once upon a time. The remnants of their old dueling team, which had also doubled as an adventurer's party before he'd been accepted into the legion and started rising through the ranks.
He gritted his teeth a bit. He'd already been given explicit instructions by Lord Mattis.
"I can't tell you much." He said as he finally sat down. "But the Lord's people have come to... similar... conclusions." He admitted. "They're attempting to confirm that as we speak."
Ekron nodded, knowing that that was all he was getting.
"I need..." He said as he leaned forward in his seat. "I believe I'll need your help protecting him until we can figure out the truth about him. And whether or not his return is a good or bad sign from the gods."
Kestin pursed his lips. "You mean you're not dissecting him?" He asked. Ekron looked at him with annoyance. But that didn't make him feel as judged as Ravyn's expression did. "Fine." He said with his hands raised in mock surrender. "But you can tell your little bodyguard our deal's off."
Then they all turned as Vann spoke again.
"You know why I can't make that promise." He said simply. "If he IS who we suspect he is. Than he's a matter of National importance. And if it turns out that he IS... some kind of messenger or something. Then it becomes a religious matter." He tapped his finger on his helmet where it rested in front of him. "I have my duty Ek."
"And all I'm asking is that, until that duty requires otherwise, you and yours help protect him." Ekron countered.
Vann considered the request. But Ravyn spoke first.
"Why are you so invested in this one?" She asked.
"Because." Ekron replied, pointing at Kestin. "It's funny you mentioned Belga earlier." He said, causing all of them to look at him curiously. "He reminds me of her." He rolled his eyes as they all suddenly became uncomfortable. "Oh not like THAT." He reprimanded them. "But his mannerisms. His... I don't know. His temperament. I think that if she were still alive they would be kindred souls."
Vann looked down and away. They all knew the drama that had occurred between the two brothers on THAT matter. Hell, it was part of why he'd joined the legion.
Ravyn placed a hand on his arm before turning back to Ekron.
"If you think he's worth protecting." She said softly. "Then I'll help." She nodded a bit. "Besides, if the gods are affecting the world again then I need to know."
"If Ravyn's in, and if I can save some gold," Kestin weighed in. "then I'm in."
Ekron looked at his brother expectantly.
But Vann's face was as stern and unchanging as ever.

Previous / First
Writer's Note: Meant to post this last week, but work got busy. Probably gonna be another chapter later this week.
As for the story, well, even old dudes have back stories.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joey did what he could to stay as calm as he could as he and Nesvee walked through the streets of the city.
For the first time since coming to this world he actually LOOKED like a mage. Well... minus a few fun dressup sessions when James had taken him shopping for clothes. He couldn't help but try on some robes and things at the time. But both James and the tailors had assured him that most mages didn't actually dress like that. Most dressed like either craftsmen, like Miss Veliry, or else simply dressed like nobles since their endeavors usually earned them good pay. Ekron fell into the latter group.
But Joey looked more like a D&D version of a mage or wizard.
Maybe a blade singer or something? He mused as his thoughts lingered on the rapier in his belt.
The outfit wasn't bad. He wore a long cloak of dark blue, with bits of dark green and light blue embroidery. It had a built in veil that went over his face. The whole thing was enchanted to conceal his magical nature even more intensely than the neck and wrist restraints had, and he was wearing those too. The veil and hood were both enchanted to conceal his antlers and obscure his face.
He looked like a technicolor wraith of some kind.
Even Nesvee had been unnerved by his appearance when he'd left his room wearing it.
That discomfort had quickly been dispelled when they'd gone more than twenty minutes without anyone giving him more than a passing glance.
"So the old man has a list of stuff he needs and where to get them." Nesvee said as she looked at the little notebook he'd given her. "As well as one person to seek out for a bit of assistance?" She said, questioning the last bit.
He looked at her curiously, forgetting that she couldn't see his face behind the veil.
"Some... Garthan... person." She said as she looked at the notes. "At a place called the... um... Tinnetha's Rest.... Says it's east of the lab by about six miles. Near the bar district." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Why does that name sound familiar?"
"What else?" Joey asked, eager to simply get the day's tasks over with.
"Mostly just bits and pieces here and there." She replied. "Things he thinks will help with figuring out how to help you."
Joey nodded, making sure to exaggerate it a bit as he did so she would notice, then the two of them set off into the city.
Now that he had managed to calm down, and also wasn't being given any more attention than the occasional passing glance, Joey was able to take in the city of Ospiele with a more critical eye.
Initially he'd thought the city was in shambles. Their journey through the city over the course of the day did nothing to dispel that fact. But he did begin to notice things that gave him reason to think that there was a method to the madness.
For starters the sector of the city that they'd entered, and where Ekron's lab/home were located, seemed to be the only area devoted to dedicated mage laboratories. These buildings ranged from druidic (he assumed) forest groves that frequently spilled into their neighbors' lots, to almost Earth-like office-looking buildings. They also seemed to have been color coded based on their owner's magical proclivities. More than a few times magical outbursts would occur, causing passersby to rush out of the way of anything happening. For red buildings this was usually bursts of flame. For blue buildings it was usually sprays of water or ice. And for one incredibly dirty brown building the outburst actually took the form of half of the building rising several feet unexpectedly, breaking away from the other half with quite a bit of damage. The hastily nailed down boards and tiles spoke to this being a common occurrence.
One building had Cobalt Legion guards stationed outside of it, and people walking past made a point of walking in the street instead of walking on the path in front of it.
That building had been painted black, with subtle bits of red and green in some places.
At his questioning Nesvee explained that she'd noticed the same trend, and that upon questioning it Ekron had explained it was intentional. The Lord of the city, whom they'd met the day before, had required that the labs have their owner's specialties and focuses be easily identified by the city guard. This was so that they could know how to respond, and who to blame, if something went wrong that they needed to respond to.
This made the quiet grey and white coloration of Ekron's lab curious to Joey. He wondered if it was because the elder mage primarily focused on enchanting, and as such worked with more than one magic style.
When they got roughly three miles from the lab they encountered a check point of sorts. The guards there, more of the so-called Cobalt Legion, asked a few questions. Nesvee showed them a letter that explained they worked for Ekron and were simply going for supplies. Then they were allowed through.
On the other side of the check point the city almost looked normal. In fact if it weren't for the difference in architecture, which favored stone construction over lumber, Joey could've been convinced he was back in the Petravian capital.
Well, the architecture and the overabundance of magic users and enchanted items being used in every building they passed. Even in his current magical condition Joey could sense the overwhelming flow of magic. And almost everything that was being used seemed more advanced than in Petravus.
They passed a bakery where the goods were placed on a tray that was then placed on a conveyor belt. The belt then passed them between too sheets of metal that would slowly grow brighter and brighter red until the pastries and breads emerged from the other side. At that point the pan they were on would glow blue while vibrating noisily, cooling itself and also un-sticking the the foods cooked onto it before they could solidify. Then the tray would fall off the conveyor belt and slide into a display case where an employee was ready to take orders.
Don't remember anything that fancy even in the King's castle. Joey thought as they moved past.
"Hungry?" Nesvee asked. "Just wait until you see the shops up ahead." She added. "There's this place selling these new sandwiches from your neck of the woods in Petravus. They called them Hand Bulgers. The dwarf running it has a machine that mixes the meat and then another that shapes it into disks before he throws them on a grill."
"You mean hamburgers?" Joey asked, surprised to even hear of burgers this far from Petravus. Though he knew that the restaurant James had introduced them too in the capital had become insanely popular.
Nesvee shook her head. "No they're definitely hand bulgers."
She couldn't see it but Joey's face scrunched at that.
"Round shaped meat disk between round bread buns?" He asked. "Veggies and cheese and stuff in it too?" She nodded. "That's definitely a cheeseburger." He corrected her.
"Noooot according to the guy running the place." She countered.
"Well he's wrong." Joey assured her. "I would know. I'm FROM Petravus where they came from."
"Well you can tell him that yourself if you're willing to wait an hour to get through the line." She replied.
"I... think I'll pass." He said, still annoyed.
They passed a tavern, at which a few of the Cobalt Legion were resting. They had their helmets off and were enjoying beers and wine, along with something that looked suspiciously like bowls of ramen, or maybe udon.
Can't give James credit for THAT recipe.
He was surprised to learn that the people underneath the helmets looked both incredibly young, AND incredibly aged.
If he had to guess, he would've estimated the oldest of them as being no more than twenty five or so. And yet their eyes had bags under them, and haunted looks IN them. The men bore dark beard shadows and ALL of them had their hair cut incredibly short, including the few women.
In short, they reminded him of how a bunch of James's soldier friends looked when he'd met them a few times. Young, yet prematurely old.
He couldn't imagine what being both a soldieguard AND an anti-mage specialist in a city full of mages did to a person. But the faces he saw as they passed the tavern spoke to the weariness that duty put them through.
One of the guards looked at him curiously as he saw Joey's veiled and hooded head studying them. The guard was reaching for their helmet when the tavern server arrived and put a new round of drinks on their table.
Joey quickly looked away.
"I think that's the first stop." Nesvee said as she nudged his shoulder, breaking him out of his thoughts. She was pointing at a sign with a drawing of some gemstones and a monocle on it. She held up the notepad and looked at it again. "Yeah. There's a few crystal types on here." She confirmed. "Plus a few things that I think MIGHT... be crystals. I don't know what Mordian ice is. But I figure that jeweler should know."
Joey nodded and followed her. Though he was fairly certain that Mordian Ice was a type of liquid. He wasn't 100% certain, but he thought he'd seen a jar with that name on it in Veliry's lab in Petravus.
And just like that, the two of them were shopping in earnest.
They didn't notice a somewhat pudgy looking man walking about twenty yards behind them. He occasionally stopped to inspect something from the shops they passed, and even bought a cheese filled pastry from the bakery Joey had noticed.
But he always kept the two shoppers in his sight, even if only out of the corner of his eye.
Ekron waved his hand, causing his front door to swing open smoothly and silently.
"Good afternoon Ravyn." He said as he poured a cup of tea and set it in front of the chair to his left. "Timely as always."
The large half orc woman walked in calmly as he put two scoops of sugar in the tea for her. Just like she preferred.
"I still need the enchantment that keeps your door from slamming when it does that." She said as she presented her hand to him. He kissed it lightly, as he always did when he saw his old coworker. She looekd back and smiled as the door also closed itself just as silently. "Mine always makes such a racket." She said as she sat in the indicated chair and sipped the tea. "Mmmmm. Still remember my preference eh?" She asked as she swept her silver hair back over her shoulder and behind her ear.
"Vatrian crimson. Two scoops." He said as she made herself comfortable. "How have you been dear?" He asked.
"Quite well." She replied. "Pan gave birth to my third grand daughter last month."
Ekron smiled curtly. "Congratulations." He said. "I remember her when she was still just a toddler on your hip."
"Those were the days weren't they." She said with a raise of her glass and a similar smile. "Now tell me. What are these rumors I hear of you walking in the company of a messenger?" She asked. "I assume that IS... why you requested me to come here."
Ekron nodded. "It is." He admitted. "Though they AREN'T a messenger."
Her eyebrow rose, and she was about to ask how he knew that. But she was interrupted.
BANG!
The front door slammed open, causing Ekron to chew on his upper lip in annoyance.
"Ekkie!!!"Morris Kestin exclaimed as he swaggered into the building with his arms up as if he was some kind of performer walking on stage. Then he made a point of looking around in an exaggerated manner. "Where's our little messenger friend?"
Ekron did NOT pour a cup of tea for his former teammate.
"I've told you SO many times now, NOT to call me that." Ekron said. "And by the gods, its a door not your ass in a bar where you owe money. There's no need to kick it that hard." He said as he waved it shut again.
"And apparently he ISN'T a messenger." Ravyn said slyly. "Good afternoon Morris."
"Ravyn dear." Kestin said as he gestured for her to hug him. She stood briefly and obliged him. Unlike Ekron she'd never had an issue with Kestin's overly friendly nature. "You let him drag you into this too?"
"The whole city is on edge with news of a messenger." She replied as she settled again. "You know full well why I can't just stay away from something like that. Especially when our friend here is right at the middle of it."
Kestin waggled a finger at her. "In your tea again?" He asked as he plopped down in the chair on the opposite side of the table they were sat at.
Ekron cringed as Ravyn's face soured. To the extent that she ever let it.
She held her cup of tea up as she rolled with the joke, which had been made at her expense.
"Not for a few more sips." She said. It was no secret that soothsayers like her had been struggling for the past decade or so as contact with the gods had faded out, and then essentially dropped off entirely.
"So." Kestin said as he reached across the table and helped himself to the tea. "Is HE... coming? I mean. You called me and Ravyn. Belga is... well... not here anymore. HE's the only one left yeah?"
Ekron nodded uncomfortably.
"He's about to knock on my door as we speak." Ekron said before taking a long sip of his own tea.
^{"No I'm not."} A muted voice said from outside. ^{"Just open the damned thing."}
Ekron took a deep breath. Then waved his hand.
When he did, the Commander of the Cobalt Legion stepped into his home and stood awkwardly in the doorway to the meeting/dining room they were seated at. Like the others from before, his armor sparked and flared as it interacted with the magic of the building.
Even under the dark blue helmet it was obvious that they were staring at Ekron. And he stared right back.
Then after an uncomfortably long silence, the armored knight removed his helmet.
Ekron's clean-shaven doppelganger stared back at him as he beheld the face of his twin brother for the first time in over a decade.
"Good evening Lady Hardfate." He said, breaking the silence as he showed deference to one of the most powerful fortune tellers in the land. Then he rolled his eyes as he looked at Kestin. "Kestin." He said simply.
"Good afternoon Commander." Ravyn said with a soft smile.
The Commander of the Cobalt Legion didn't take the chair so clearly intended for him, opting to stand instead.
"If this is about your NOT-messenger test subject you could have saved me a trip little brother." The knight said with obvious annoyance. "I likely know more about him than you do at this point."
"Oooh." Kestin said, drawing a look of even more annoyance. "Sounds like Lord Tobin has his spies looking into him."
"That's Lord Mattis to you." The commander corrected.
Ekron rubbed at the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
"He's a reincarnation... or... or a regeneration of some kind." He cut in.
The rest of them froze mid conversation to look at him in surprise.
"I suspect that whatever happened five and a half years ago in Petravus. Between the Hero and the vanishing blight." He continued. "I believe that whatever occurred... he died as a result. And now, by the grace of the gods, he's back."
"Impossible." Ravyn replied, surprising him. He'd expected that kind of reaction from his brother or Kestin, not her. "The gods are gone."
At that Kestin DID react.
"They're what?" The vagabond swordsman/mage asked.
She waved him away dismissively.
Ekron watched his brother's face intensely.
More specifically he watched how little that information surprised the stalwart man.
The two of them stared at each other as Ravyn and Kestin began to argue lightly with one another.
"Vann?" Ekron asked of his elder sibling. "I'm trying to help him. And prevent him from accidentally causing an international incident. Or a crisis of the faiths."
The other two silenced as they heard the quiet request.
"I've asked you three here to help me with that." Ekron continued. "Please tell me what you know."
Vann considered the not of pleading in his brother's voice as he looked at the others.
These were his closest friends. Or had been once upon a time. The remnants of their old dueling team, which had also doubled as an adventurer's party before he'd been accepted into the legion and started rising through the ranks.
He gritted his teeth a bit. He'd already been given explicit instructions by Lord Mattis.
"I can't tell you much." He said as he finally sat down. "But the Lord's people have come to... similar... conclusions." He admitted. "They're attempting to confirm that as we speak."
Ekron nodded, knowing that that was all he was getting.
"I need..." He said as he leaned forward in his seat. "I believe I'll need your help protecting him until we can figure out the truth about him. And whether or not his return is a good or bad sign from the gods."
Kestin pursed his lips. "You mean you're not dissecting him?" He asked. Ekron looked at him with annoyance. But that didn't make him feel as judged as Ravyn's expression did. "Fine." He said with his hands raised in mock surrender. "But you can tell your little bodyguard our deal's off."
Then they all turned as Vann spoke again.
"You know why I can't make that promise." He said simply. "If he IS who we suspect he is. Than he's a matter of National importance. And if it turns out that he IS... some kind of messenger or something. Then it becomes a religious matter." He tapped his finger on his helmet where it rested in front of him. "I have my duty Ek."
"And all I'm asking is that, until that duty requires otherwise, you and yours help protect him." Ekron countered.
Vann considered the request. But Ravyn spoke first.
"Why are you so invested in this one?" She asked.
"Because." Ekron replied, pointing at Kestin. "It's funny you mentioned Belga earlier." He said, causing all of them to look at him curiously. "He reminds me of her." He rolled his eyes as they all suddenly became uncomfortable. "Oh not like THAT." He reprimanded them. "But his mannerisms. His... I don't know. His temperament. I think that if she were still alive they would be kindred souls."
Vann looked down and away. They all knew the drama that had occurred between the two brothers on THAT matter. Hell, it was part of why he'd joined the legion.
Ravyn placed a hand on his arm before turning back to Ekron.
"If you think he's worth protecting." She said softly. "Then I'll help." She nodded a bit. "Besides, if the gods are affecting the world again then I need to know."
"If Ravyn's in, and if I can save some gold," Kestin weighed in. "then I'm in."
Ekron looked at his brother expectantly.
But Vann's face was as stern and unchanging as ever.

This is my first and possibly only post, but I wanted to share my story. I have a handful of mental health issues that in high school I didn’t know how to cope with. One day, my friends caught me with a binder spine that I had ripped out and bent to the point it snapped in half. I used the sharp edges to cut myself. It wasn’t very deep given the tool I was using, but it was self harm nonetheless. I had a history of self harm since middle school so this wasn’t new for me.
When my friends saw what I was doing, they all but dragged me to the school counselor. I didn’t want to, but I told the woman, let’s call her Ms. Smith, that I was cutting myself and pulled the broken binder spine from my purse to show her what I was using. I didn’t want her to take it away since it was my (very unhealthy) comfort. Deep down though I wanted help. I knew what I was doing was bad and I needed to stop. To my shock and horror, she didn’t care. She just talked to me and asked why I did it. I gave a basic answer: I wanted to.
The reality I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with this stranger was that I needed the release. Seeing the blood coming out of me when I cut myself with anything felt like all the emotions I couldn’t get out was released. I didn’t think it would make sense to anyone so I never told them. Thinking back on it, I’m glad I never told Ms. Smith.
After talking for a few minutes, in which I also told her I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts, she asked me if I was ready to go back to class. It felt like a punch to the gut. She didn’t care that I was hurting myself. She didn’t try to take away the tool I was using. She just wanted me to focus on school and leave her alone. This made me loose so much faith in people who were supposed to be there to help. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone to help me. I didn’t want to stop, but I also really did if that makes sense.
I told Ms. Smith that no, I wasn’t ready. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to die. Why didn’t she care? Did no one care about me? But all I told her was no. She called my parents, but only my dad was available to pick me up. She gave dad the run down of what we talked about before we went home. Dad wanted to stay there and talk to me about it all, but I was hurting too much from how Ms. Smith handled it all to really open up to dad. Instead, I just got angry with him and my mom and at the world. I was angry with my friends for making me go there.
Eventually dad took me home. He told mom about it all and she practically shut down. I later learned she had called her therapist and asked what the heck she should do. Her therapist told her to keep an eye on me and if I brought up suicide again to take me to the hospital. Instead of comforting me and trying to help, my parents made me do manual labor. They said if I was going to skip school I was going to work instead. At the time, they were hurting so much that their daughter was in such a dark place that they handled it all in a way they shouldn’t have and I know now how much they regret that.
I was forced to dig a fire pit in the back yard and I hated every second of that. We were already going to have one there and it became my job to dig it when I was feeling suicidal. After school got out, my then boyfriend called to ask where I had gone. He was a crap boyfriend. While I was on the phone with him, I had also moved on to helping mom sort out the costumes in the basement. I was ignoring mom but talking loudly enough for her to hear. I told my then boyfriend all about how my parents didn’t care and that they just wanted me to do work when I was feeling suicidal. That almost broke mom. She and dad were doing the best they knew how and lo and behold I mentioned suicide again. Mom told dad to get ready, they were taking me to the hospital. My then boyfriend told me to lock myself in the bathroom so they couldn’t take me. I did for a bit but eventually came out. I had given up. We all got in the car and dad told mom to sit in the back seat with me so I couldn’t try to hurt him. It’s been years since then and that memory still breaks my heart. I was angry with them but I would never hurt my parents.
That day was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. He isn’t a very emotional person, so seeing that hurt worse than everything else I was feeling.
We drove to the ER and they checked me in. Eventually I was taken back to a room where a nurse asked me all sorts of questions about what was going on. I wish I had lied. I wish I had told the nurse I was fine. But no, I made the stupid mistake of being honest. He told my parents I needed to go to a “behavioral institution” which let’s be real, is a mental hospital. The only one with available beds was three hours away. Mom looked the place up to see what it was like and voiced her concerns on how terrible the reviews were. Years later when we talked about it she told me she wished she had put her foot down and told them no. Their daughter wasn’t going to go there.
The hospital staff brought me paper scrubs to change into. Paper. Freaking. Scrubs. All I could keep on was my underwear. No bra, just underwear and paper scrubs. It was humiliating on top of everything else. I had to be driven to the mental hospital in the back of a police car with my parents following behind.
The officer was as nice as can be, asking what I wanted to listen to on the radio and if the temperature was okay. I told him all of it was fine and spent the whole three hours silently sobbing. When we finally arrived at the nut house it was late at night. All the other crazy people were asleep. A nurse offered me a sad ham sandwich and a diet ginger ale for dinner. To this day I cannot drink that because of the association with that place.
My parents gave me a tearful goodbye and told me they love me. I couldn’t say it back. I couldn’t speak at all. I was taken to a room with another girl already asleep, and told we would all be woken up at 6am to have our vitals checked. I’m not a morning person at all. More like a perpetually exhausted chicken. That news was just another thing on top of everything else that made the day the worst of my life.
I could barely sleep that night. There was a security camera in the room watching me and my roommate. I still have a fear of security cameras due to that red cyclops eye always monitoring me. There was a small bathroom in the room with a thin sheet for “privacy.” The camera was aimed in a way they could see our silhouette as we showered and used the toilet. I understand the need for keeping an eye on all of us since we were all there for mental issues, but it was still awful to suffer through.
This mental hospital had a thing called “drop anchor.” That meant the residents did something to get in trouble, and the punishment was everyone had to stay in their rooms unless it was time to eat or have group therapy. It was both torture and a blessing. When I arrived, they were a few days into drop anchor, so I stayed in my room like the rest. A nurse told me since I wasn’t in trouble I didn’t have to do that, but it was better than being alone in the mentally messed up adolescence wing lobby.
I made it a few days without having to interact with more than my roommate before drop anchor was lifted. We were forced to go to the gym and participate in sports and meditation, group therapy, and meeting with a doctor. None of us were allowed to sit too close to each other or, Heaven forbid, touch. No hugs or even a pat on the shoulder. We couldn’t even have our legs up while sitting in a chair. There were so many rules that it was a prison more than a place to help people who were in such a dark place we needed to escape from the world to get help.
We even had scheduled bathroom breaks there. I couldn’t make it to the bathroom break one day and begged the nurse to unlock my door so I could go but was told to wait. It got to the point where it was painful to hold it in. I was sweating and almost in tears trying to hold it in. Finally, twenty minutes before the bathroom break, they gave up trying to keep me from peeing and let me go to my room. I didn’t make it and peed just a foot away from the bathroom. The security camera saw it all and whoever was monitoring the footage did too. Humiliation stacked on to misery. I had to change and clean myself off as best I could with toilet paper since our shower supplies was locked away. When I came out, the nurses acted like I should be beyond thankful they let me go early. I could have strangled them.
We were given visitors day and my parents came to see me. I was still angry with them for sending me there. They both looked so relieved to see me and heartbroken that I was at a mental hospital. I remember shouting at them that they locked me in there and storming away. That’s a regret I still haven’t forgiven myself for, though I am trying.
I lied my way out. Each day we were told to fill out a sheet of how we were feeling mentally and if we had any thoughts of hurting ourselves or others. No, of course I don’t want to hurt myself. I’m perfectly fine. All cured. A week locked away made my mental issues so much better. If I had been honest I would have been kept there longer, so I lied my butt off to be free.
There was a very small library there. I borrowed a book about Hellen Keller that I remembered reading in middle school. That book kept me sane. I read it as often as I could, escaping into the story. One day, a nurse came to the lobby to tell us something or other, and told me to put my book away. I kept it open but set it down to keep my place. She yelled at me and told me they would take it away if I didn’t put it away fully. That book was my comfort, and this woman wanted to take it away from me. I saw red. I wanted to scream and shout and throw the book at her. But I knew I had to escape, so I did what she said.
It may sound dramatic, saying I wanted to escape. If you had been there you would understand. That place was terrible for everyone. It was a place to lock kids up instead of trying to help us heal. It was Hell.
Mom told the whole family that I was in there and the letters poured in. There was so much love and support that I was overwhelmed. I kept every single thing they wrote me. Even extended family that I wasn’t very close to wrote to me. When I’m in a dark place I go back and read those letters and it reminds me of the good in my life.
The whole experience, from the moment I was dragged to the guidance counselor to the moment I was checked out of the nut house, was awful. For years I couldn’t even talk about it. I couldn’t say the name of the place without having a severe anxiety attack. It took a lot of therapy to finally talk about it. When I passed police officers on the road anxiety set in, even though the officer who drove me there was kind. Security cameras still freak me out. So much of my life was affected because of that week.
When I finally came home I felt like a stranger. One week away in a mental hospital and I was the family outcast. Everything was different and so hard. I should have been thrilled to be home, but it was almost as bad as the nut house.
I’ve forgiven my parents for taking me there, though. I know they were doing the best they knew how to do, and they’ve sincerely apologized for it all. They felt awful for it too. It took a while for all of us to heal, but we eventually did. At least I can look back on that time when I’m in a dark place and remember that if I could survive that I can survive anything.

Heartfelt thanks to Vlada for her wonderful characters and for her willingness to share insanely interesting answers with her readers.
___
Dario
Q: Dario, what was your favorite fairy tale as a child and why? And perhaps you still do?
A: Fairy tales have too much chaos for my taste. But I've always loved instructive tales. In seminary, I even wrote an essay on “King Thrushbeard” by the Brothers Grimm.
Q: What admonition do you most often give to those who come to you for confession?
A: The secret of confession doesn't allow me to talk about it, and besides, everything is very individualized. *Grins faintly* But if you are eager to know the answer, come to the temple, and I will be glad to listen to you.
Q: Which of the seven deadly sins do you consider the most serious and why?
A: Sin is a sin that is equally afflicting to the immortal soul. This is what any priest will answer you. As for my personal opinion, pride is the queen of sins. For those who consider themselves superior to others, although by the will of the Primordial One we are all equal, are going against His plan.
Q: How do you manage to look so luxurious at 45 years old?
A: *Laughs quietly* Thank you for the compliment.
Q: Did you become a priest because of sincere faith or because of ambition and a thirst for power?
A: I became a priest because I had no other choice. Everything turned out well, because I have never regretted my calling. *Looks away* And I hope I don’t regret it.
___
Richard
Q: Tell us about your hobby. What do you like to do in your spare time?
A: I don't have much free time. But, if such moments arise, I prefer to spend them in my office with a book and wine.
Q: Do you have any other favorite authors besides Thomas Hardy? Perhaps there are certain preferences specifically in English literature?
A: I value depth in literature. But not darkness. For example, I don’t always like Dickens, and not all of Hardy’s works. I love “Far from the Madding Crowd,” the tabula rasa theme of Kipling and the Russian authors. I recently read “The Name of the Rose” by Eco, and also found this work interesting.
Q: Since what age have you lived in Venice?
A: For a long time. *Purses his lips, clearly not wanting to answer further*
Q: What qualities are the most important for an inquisitor of the Order of the Primordial?
A: Logic, attentiveness, physical strength. Loyalty to Him, of course.
Q: Has there ever been love in your life?
A: I don't think so.
___
Raven
Q: What knowledge about life would you like to pass on to young leaders from your past years?
A: From the heights of my years, I realized that no one needs other people’s knowledge, and everything is much better understood from one’s own experience, no matter how bitter it may be.
Q: In such a long life you have seen different things. What is it like to watch from the sidelines the fall of empires and the disappearance of civilizations?
A: How many people today know about my age. *Bows his head, almost sarcastically* I’ll satisfy your curiosity. When you talk about the fall of an empire, you probably imagine epic battles or legendary deeds. I saw the other side. Take, for example, the Hundred Years' War. How many ballads have been written about the great Battle of Agincourt! About the brave English archers who defeated the outnumbered French. But do you know what I remember about this battle? I remember a barn where a chicken was killed by a poorly aimed arrow.
Q: You must be amazing at speaking many (if not all, including dead languages) of the world. Don't they get mixed up in your head? Which language was harder to learn and which one was easier?
A: Believe me, I've had time to “put my knowledge on the shelves”. Germanic languages are easy for me. Eastern languages are the worst.
Q: The mask undoubtedly restrains you in expressing emotions, although readers have noticed that you express emotions through gestures. Did it take a long time to learn and what were the first steps?
A: *Nods so that you immediately realize he's smiling* It's a matter of practice. I like to make a certain impression, and through trial and error I learned to do it without a face.
Q: From your profile we know that you are inspired by shipbuilding. How do you feel when you see your ship?
A: Freedom. Ships remind me of freedom. And how one storm can end everything.
___
Nikolai
Q: Nikolai, what was your first impression of Lady Crow?
A: *Smiles seductively* I found Madam Crowe a very attractive and interesting person, who has the same devilishness that is not alien to me.
Q: A girl with what character traits would you consider a perfect match for you?
A: In love, as in the sea, nothing is perfect. The more difficulties and discrepancies - the more feelings and sweetness of victories.
Q: Do you spend a long time at sea as a privateer?
A: As much as possible.
Q: After what incident did you gain a reputation as a ladies' man?
A: *Curls eyebrow* Accident? More like cases. Ladies of the world have always been partial to captains.
Q: Please tell us about your most exciting trip to sea.
A: The most memorable was the expedition in the Sea of Okhotsk. Our detachment (and the ships were divided into detachments) was to reach the coast of Japan. I will spare you the less important details, the most interesting thing began when we approached the La Perouse Strait. It was night, the sea was shrouded in fog.
In the silence, a watchman shouted, “Man overboard!” And indeed, there was a woman in the water. Only she was not swimming, but walking on the waves. She had long black hair and very pale skin.
I wanted to drop anchor and offer help, but I was stopped by a young man named Nobuyuki, who was the ship's cook at the time. He was from Dejima Island. Nobuyuki said: “Raise the sails, captain! I'd rather hit the rocks in the night than face the Iso-onna!”
When I looked out to sea again, the woman was gone. We never hoisted the sails - it was too risky to sail at speed in the fog. “Cover yourself for the night with the garments you're going to wear tomorrow! And order the crew to do the same! - Nobuyuki pleaded with me. - Iso-onna will drink the blood of those who are not bound for a future day...”
The young man was too frightened to say more. Not fully understanding the reasons, I still followed his advice.
In the morning, the whole crew was fine except for one sailor who flatly refused to use a clean shirt as a blanket. His bloodless body was found in the hold.
___
Adrian
Q: Where did you get such love for poetry?
A: From the storm and warmth that are born in the heart when words are woven into art.
Q: What is your favorite Shakespeare sonnet?
A: You will be sad when the poet dies, Until the ringing of the nearest church, Will not announce that this low light, I traded for the lower world of worms.
It’s a bit gloomy, I understand, but the words of a genius can turn even the world of worms into a dream. *Smiles radiantly* Don’t frown, it’s not serious. I love a lot of sonnets, this is just the first one that came to mind.
Q: You sow the seeds of culture among the common people. Have you ever received feedback from them that let you know that your efforts were not in vain?
A: I too am a common man. So who better than me to know that culture does not depend on status? It's only the desire and opportunity that matters.
Q: What is your favorite constellation?
A: One remarkable Russian poet wrote: Why are you unhappy? Will people tell me? — That makes me unhappy. Good people are like the stars and the sky - Stars and sky! - and I’m a man!.. All stars are beautiful; it is simply impossible to choose just one cluster of light.
Q: What was your first poem about?
A: About my mother's apron, on which I spilled my father's tincture.
___
Giovanni
Q: How did your fascination with alchemy begin? Why this and not some other direction?
A: Hmm... That's an interesting question, thank you. Alchemy was close to my mamma, I guess that love was passed down from her.
Q: Are you frightened by the specific images lurking in the darkness, or is it the unknown and not knowing what might be lurking there?
A: There is nothing in the darkness but my own thoughts. And I don't like to be alone with them.
Q: Were you happy when your father the Doge officially recognized you as his son and took you to a luxurious palace?
A: *Smiles: politely and a little stiffly* I'd rather leave that question unanswered.
Q: How do you know so much about the underground crypts at the Academy of Magic?
A: How much? No more than all those in the know who have read a guide to the Academy or a couple of historical books about magic.
Q: Could you forgive betrayal?
A: Like any Italian, I would forgive cheating by serving a glass of poison to the one who ruined happiness. *Laughs* I'm kidding! Actually, I haven't been cheated on yet, but if the day comes, I hope I'll behave with dignity. I'll be able to listen, try to understand, and make an informed decision.
___
Alexander Crow
Q: If you had the ability to turn back time, would you change anything in your life?
A: That's a personal thing.
Q: Do you love your daughter?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you think is the most important thing about magic?
A: Knowledge.
Q: What is more important: the result or the path to it?
A: The result.
___
Lucretia
Q: What qualities in people attract you, and what qualities repel you?
A: I am deeply indifferent to other people's manifestations of character. What is repulsive today may be useful tomorrow.
Q: Do you enjoy conducting the Naming Ceremony?
A: Quite a bit.
Q: This next question is probably not the right one, but it is important for the for admirers of the Supreme Witcher Raven to know whether he often gossips with you?
A: Gossip? I didn't know that's what they call friendship these days.
___
Batsheba
Q: Can you tell us about the most interesting ritual in which you have ever participated?
A: In the days of my youth, my sisters and I used to celebrate Man Gevri by dancing naked in the stone circle of Kallanish... *coughs* Ah, those were the days!
Q: Will you reveal your age to us?
A: How quick! A woman's age is her secret.
Q: How do you know the ancient rites of the leaders?
A: Thou! What have the knowers got to do with it? The rituals I know belong to nature.
Q: I would like to know something very funny from the childhood of our Crows (something that is usually embarrassing to talk about, and if they do, it is usually accompanied by a loud “MAM!”)
A: *Giggles* There is such a thing, how could there not be! But I won't tell you about it, I don't want any of the grooms-to-be to find out that Esther can't even boil the simplest broth.
___
Familiar
Q: Will you accept Esther’s man if her choice turns out to be very controversial?
A: *You ask a question to the empty space where you were told the familiar should be, but there is no answer*
Q: What do you do while your witch sleeps? Do you see her dreams?
A: *A sound resembling snoring comes from the void*.
___
Esther
Q: Would you mind sharing your favorite authors and works with us?
A: As the Triad sees it, there are too many! I'm sure a lot of what you've read I've enjoyed as well.
Q: Do you have a favorite perfume? And if not, what perfume would you like?
A: There is no favorite... I have yet to find my fragrance. Perhaps you can recommend one?
Q: Can I know the topic of your dissertation and at what stage of writing is it now?
A: The topic of my dissertation is “Natural curses in mass grave sites and how to deal with them”. I've got the last couple chapters left to write. It's about the Yorkshire moors. But I'm not sure I'll be able to get back to that work anytime soon... The memories of what I learned there are too fresh.
Q: You often turn to folklore to find answers. This seems like a rather unconventional approach (especially for a witch scientist). What was the reason for such an unusual resource for finding answers?
A: Folklore is just like history, only it takes more effort to find the truth. The study of folklore is no less scientific than archaeology.
Q: How would you describe your ideal date?
A: Oh... *Blushes* Perhaps someday I will be able to answer this question. After all, something like that needs to be experienced.

Heyyyy, so I aam just finished the second draft of my book and I wwould love some beta readers. It's Set in an alternate history post a third world war, it follows the story of Hamlet Rook, a 14-year-old boy living in Yorkshire, England. Born into an ancient and wealthy family, Hamlet's life takes a dramatic turn when he learns of the death of The Lady Moira Barking, mother to his classmate and childhood nemesis, Nicholas Barking. Lady Moira was also the wife of Lord Harry Barking, who, unbeknownst to Hamlet, had an affair with his own mother.
When Hamlet visits Lord Barking, he is given a letter to deliver to his mother, which contains warnings of a "traitor" and an "imposter" among them. To uncover the truth, Lady Rook decides to host a Christmas party, leading to further mysterious deaths and the return of an old friend from the past, complicating matters.
After the chaos of the party settles, Hamlet begins his education at a boarding school, attended by generations of his family, including his mother and late Aunt Dahlia. At the academy, Hamlet discovers Dahlia's diary, hinting at elements of magic and murder.
Here's the prolgue if you like it i can send the rest
Prologue
It had been a long day already. To start it off my roommate confessed to murdering his Nanny and then my best friend came along and blew my whole world open in the course of a single conversation.Both these rather shocking and inconvenient turns of events sent dozens of moments over the past few months and past few year tumbling and flapping through my mind. Moments once seemingly meaningless or innocuous have taken on new and almost sordid meaning. In a way, I almost feel incredibly stupid for not realising the truth sooner or perhaps Regina is right and I am simply naive.
It is a rainy, February night and I sit in my dorm room, staring at my laptop screen. Colin lies tossing lightly in his bed occasionally muttering or whispering in fits of sleep. Nicholas’ bed is stripped down to the mattress, his desk once pilled high with books is now empty. Outside the window the night dark sea spits against the rock, and the castle grounds are empty and still save the flutter of the flag on the northern tower.
I suppose everyone else must be asleep. I could try to sleep but all I would achieve would bee sleepless night of tossing turning as my thoughts storm and flutter around. It all started with Regina De Winter. I suppose if anyone should be the one to blow my world wide open in just a single conversation it would be her. She and I have always been telling each-other things. We'd confess to each other and no one else our deepest darkest secrets.
She told me when in nursery school she'd forgotten to close the cage and let out the class rabbit which resulted in our year being treated to the sight of a crow feasting on the beloved pet, she told me when she spiked the tea in the staff room with laxatives after a slew of particularly bad grades, and she told me when she caught Nick Montague cheating on her with Abernathy Heath, and together we had concocted what we had seen as a rather delicious plan of revenge. I for my part had told when in year five James and I had shared clandestine kisses in the back of Miss Holyrood's class when everyone was gone, I had told her when I nicked of grand mum's rings and buried it in the garden after she'd chastened me, I did end up feeling guilty as a poor maid ended up getting fired.
Over the years the two of us have accumulated of sorts a cabinet of secrets, truths and lies that we shared only with each other. The secret she’d shared with me tonight goes fair deeper than youthful indiscretions and sinks into the realms of lies, sin and murder. She’d come up to that evening during dinner, and gave me a peck on the cheek and a delicate squeeze of my hand before walking away with Fiona and Polly off to Maiden’s Tower. The note she’d subtly tucked into my hand simply said, “Library 9:00. Bring no one.”
So, I had returned to my dorm room, did some homework and then did some reading all thewhile waiting for the clock to strike nine. Archie, Windsor, and Duffy had joined us for a movie and At 8;45 I couldn’t not the it anymore. I had closed that strange diary and left Colin and others rather boisterously watching Die hard in our dorm room. I had. explained myself to the prefect on duty climbing too have forgotten a textbook in the library and that it couldn’t wait till tomorrow because I had an essay due soon. And out I had stepped into the night.
The soft almost silvery mist had rolled in from the sea clinging to the grounds, fields and buildings. I walked down the lamp light pathway, a few people walked passed me their laughter and conversation caught in the breeze. I got to the library and slipped in. I went to our usual spot and waited. It was as silent as well as a library. The only other living thing other than the silverfish was Dottie the old library who sat behind her desk happily obvious too all comings and goings.
I checked my watch and it was 8:52. Regina was unlikely to be anything other than properly and perfectly punctual. And feeling restless I got up and paced around. And I found myself in the occult section. The books here as always were mostly untouched and sent little gasps of dust up into the air when disturbed. For the hundredth time I scanned the shelves reading the various curious titles.
Once I scoffed as these things as being mere superstition, efforts by the early man to explain away what he couldn’t explain. But it has been a rather long strange year even though it’s only febrruary.I remembered suddenly the walk I had taken with Baskerville on the morning before I had left for the academy. The whistling of the woods and the way Baskerville had reacted, barking into the trees and into the shadows. I remembered a wild rose on an empty grave. “There are more things in heaven and earth…”
Suddenly a hand grasped my shoulder and I whirled around wildly. Regina De Winter smiled, “My, my someone is tense” She had changed out of her school uniform into her night-clothes and her red hair lay across her shoulder in a thick braid. Regina De Winter is quite the most beautiful person I know; her hair is the colour of red maple in autumn, and her skin is the colour of Yorkshire snow and her eyes are the blue of summer skies. All in all she would not be out place in a pre-raphaelitte painting.
“You’re late,” I said rather sulkily. She merely smiled picking up my wrist and looking at my watch. 9:00 punctual as always.
“Now. Shall we?” She said briskly turning around and walking away. She Strolled casually over to our favourite spot where I had deposited my coat. She sank into her usual chair and smiled at me waiting for me to do thee same. When I was seated, she looked me a beat her ivy green eyes boring into me over steepled fingers. “So, darling, how much do you know about the death of Lady Barking?”
I stared at her for moment, “Well not a lot really..” She didn’t take her eyes of me and made a go on gesture. “Well. Just that she’s dead. And that it was rather sudden and unexpected. And the date I suppose,” I shrugged, “Everybody seems very unwilling to talk bout it. Which I suppose can be expected.”
“ And of course, it was ruled “unsuspicious.” Do you believe that?” She said, “A woman in her late thirties drops dead and its unsuspcious. As ancient as that seems women in their thirties tend not to drop dead out of the blue.”
Even though we were quite alone, I leaned close and whispered, “Are you saying she was murdered?”
Regina stared distractedly at her finger nails, “Well, Nicky certainly thinks so. And at the very least her death wasn’t down to natural causes.”
I watched as she removed a bottle of nail polish from her purse applied a delicate coat of pink to her nails. “Nicholas believe it to have been murder?”
After a moment she said, “Hamlet. Three guesses who Nicholas thinks killed his mother.” She didn’t wait for me to respond before she said, “His father and your mother.”
I stared at her, mouth agape. And before I could respond she spoke again, “Now, I now what you’re going to say. ‘But, Gina.They couldn’t have killed her, neither of them were in London that day!” She said in rather good imitation of my voice and saying what I was in fact gonna say. She began applying nail polish to her other hand, “And I would say that I think we can both agree. that people of their station do not have to deign to anything so pedestrian as to commit murder themselves.”
I stared at her, “So he thinks they paid someone to kill Lady Barking?” And she nodded, ‘Yes. But I do not think that to be true. And what’s more… I think that woman, Kitty Scarlet, dying at your mother’s christmas party is connected.” She set down her nail polish and tree me right in the eyes, “Now darling I am about to tell you something rather shocking.”
And so she did… when she was done I felt as though someone had taken my brain, powdered my thoughts ran them through a sieve and put them back in. After a moment, Regina smiled sympathetically, “I appreciate that you need a moment but the library closes soon and lights out at 10:30 and I do have something I need you to do.”
“Wonderful.” I said quietly, “So you don’t think.. either of them?”
“I find myself hard pressed to believe either of them would commit murders so figuratively and literally close to home. Especially not murders that would make them the most obvious suspects,” she said, “I do believe that someone is trying to frame them.”
“Oh”
She sighed, “Hamlet we appear to be reaching the part of the night where you become monoslylabic and so I shall tell you what indeed you to do. I want you to use that perfect, eidetic memory of yours and writean account of everything that has happened up to this conversation-”
“Everything? Ok regina that’s a lot but I shall be honest things get a little vague for me after Moses.”I said. And there was a moment of silence before she said, “Who!?”
“And I’ll be honest we haven’t gone that far back in history class and fall backing on our Sunday school experience-”
I would have gone on for quite a bit but she cut me off, “Hamlet would you just shut up and writethe damned- .”
“But where shall I begin.”
“Here’s an idea, darling,” she said deeply impatient and exhausted, “Start at The beginning ”
“Oh well we did read Paradise Lost in class with Drinkwater so I suppose-”
“Hamlet,” she saiid sharply, “You are very droll and very hilarious. But Ii am quite tired and so I shall leave you too mull over what where it all started for you.?” I had about to speak again when she said, “Well here’s where it gets worse.””
“Oh it’s worse” I sighed, “How can it get possibly worse?”
Regina kicked me under the table,“Well If you’d let me speak. I could tell you. Well do you remember what happened after the statue fell?” Regina spoke
“I can’t believe I have to say this but which time?” I said
“The second time,” she said sharply, “You know the incident that concerned you more closely? Well I wouldn’t have expected you to notice anything because you were to busy swooning into Jago Keyne’s arms-”
“I was not swooning-”
“And Colin was to busy sulking about…”
“What does that supposed to mean?”
“But, you see, because I actually pay attention.to my surroundings I did actually notice that something was amiss. “ She said rather heatedly. And I could tell that she wasn’t going to divulge what this mysterious thing was without a lot of me pleading and prodding.
“Oh, Regina,” I said trying to sound as sincere as possible, “Please tell me what you noticed. You are ever so intelligent, and unappreciated for your genius..”
“Ok, Darling.”
“And you are also so beautiful. So beautiful in fact as to make heaven jealous of earth.”
“DARLING.”
“And kind too. You put Mother Tereasa and Nurse Nightngale-:
“Hamlet, would you just shut up, you petulant prawn,” she said some how sounding both heated and still retaining her rather regal way of speaking. “Now anyway the thing I noticed was little stone that fell of the roof.”
“Oh I noticed that too actually, Regina.”
“No you did not.”
“Yes. I did it was rather large, shaped like a gargoyle and nearly took of my head.” I said and almost immediately regretted it. Regina spoke in a voice of forced cool, “Now, Hamlet sweetie, if you want me to finish what I was saying, I am going to need your to stop talking for just give minutes, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Well I wasn’t talking about the gargoyle. I was talking about a little pebble that fell after the gargoyle fell. Now what does that little falling pebble tell you,” She said and then after a moment of me not responding, she spoke again, “Well?”
“I thought you wanted me to stay quiet.”
“Well. Let’s just follow the heirs rule of you speaking when prompted. Now what does the falling pebble tell you,” she said. I shrugged, “Gosh. I don’t know, Regina. I assume the base of the statue was crumbling.”
“You see I thought that too. But then I realised that that pebble was made of a different material than the gargoyle. It looked like a piece of tile from the roof. Now what does that tell you,” she said and I sighed, “Regina, not that I am not greatly enjoying this guessing game, but can you please just make your point.”
“Fine, Rook. Well, that tells us that someone was on the roof. And that someone pushed the gargoyle onto you.”
“Yes.”
“And the incident at your polo practice? When you fell of your saddle? It wasn’t by accident…And the dead bird?”
“Yes”
“Oh, Hamlet,” she said, “Don’t you see? The killer is targeting you?”
“Oh.”
“Yes and I know think you know why.”
“What do you mean?”
“And I think it’s because you say something- he or she didn’t want you to see what you saw that night is probably something trivial, something inconspicuous. Something most people wouldn’t even notice,” she said, “But your mutant brain would have picked. Up on it, and stored it away. Now, I need you to do what I asked and let me read it on Monday.”
I nodded mutely. “Oh and Hamlet please leave out any descriptions of you and James kissing in dark hallways. I don’t think my stomach can take it,” she said we both laughed. After that the Librarian shooed us out and we both went back to our dorms. I got there just at 10 and the prefect tapped his watch shooting me a rather disappointed look. Colin was awake and we talked a lot about a little. I bathed, brushed and now here I sit.
The night is young and the events of the past several months were whirring fresh in my mind.So where to begin? I suppose the best place to begin would be when mother was at the academy or when I was born, but that’s bit beyond my patience much less my scope. I could begin on the night of the murder but which murder?But it seems that the first murder (if it was a murder) lead upto the second murder. So I suppose I should start with the first alleged murder.. But I wasn’t in the same room, or even county as the supposed murder when it happened. But I think I know where too start and it begins with all things a seemingly innocuous gift of flowers

This post is in response to this post which several people spoke about regarding its flaws. I feel the need to highlight on a community level the reality of the situation on the ground in Sordland and express just how dysfunctional Sordland is as a Democracy. I will start out by saying I find the comparison of it being a better Democracy than the United States laughable, and that I actually think the United States has many nuanced answers to issues facing a multicultural society that has allowed it to function as the worlds oldest Democracy. Of course, it has had issues in the past that have been subject to extensive reform, but there's the difference: there's been reform.
Sordland is controlled by two distinct political grounds, and an additional one on the fringe: The Old Guard, the Oligarchs, and the Reformists to an extent. The game tells you this explicitly by placing them in the faction screen. The Old Guard represent the political interests of the former Sollist regime, and by extension your own party the USP. The Oligarchs represent the business interests of the country, the interests of the former Alphonso regime, and in a nuanced way, the ideals of liberal democracy. The reformists are a much less powerful group, but represent a more modern political ideal of social democracy.
These three groups battle for control of the government, with much of the power still consolidated within the old guard. The shadow of Soll looms large on Sordland, and his influence is still felt even to the starting point of the Rayne Presidency. It is a reality of the political situation on the ground that it is much easier to push for Sollenomics than for free market ideals. You have the support of your party behind you, as well as the NFP. Many of your ministers are either indifferent to it, are more focused on social policy, or are just abjectly in favor of it such as Lillias. The only opposition you will receive is from the Oligarchs, who use soft power to try to oppose you. This, in a Sollenomics run, doesn't lend to much other than if you are bad at managing the economy an independent crash separate from their actions. This control over the political thought of Sordland, and the economic situation, lends itself towards authoritarianism. I use the key word "lends" to expressly emphasize that it doesn't have to infringe on peoples personal freedoms, but that because Sollenomics lends itself towards state control, there will be a temptation to take further control of the power bases of the country.
Now, I know authoritarianism is a bit of a loaded term, so I want to give the proponents of sollenomics their fair shake. There is an excellent video on the Ideology of Mr. House in Fallout New Vegas by Soup Emporium that I think explores the ideas of what a functional authoritarian state looks like really well by comparing New Vegas to Singapore within the real world. I think that comparison is very apt here, so I suggest everyone else take a look at it as well. In essence, the functional authoritarian state exercises control over the functions of the state in such a way that doesn't impede on personal freedoms. As long as personal freedoms are protected, often times people are willing to give up certain political protections in favor of a functioning and planned economy ruled by the benevolent leader. The game expresses this very well if you look at the Soll Administration and its history. Under Soll, there was a great economic boom that served to make Sordland a regional power. This was due to the centralization of the economy under Soll and his ability to control its many functions. However, while Soll exercised control over much of the economy, he also exercised control over a lot of the culture and personal freedoms of its citizens. During the Soll era, the Bludish people were harshly discriminated against, much of the state was culturally centralized over the cult of personality of Soll, and many personal freedoms are not sufficiently protected by the Supreme Court or the executive branch. Because of an improper balance of powers, and the wants of the man on top outclassing the personal wants of the people, the ideal of the authoritarian regime begins to crack, leading to the loss of Soll and the rise of Alphonso.
Much of the reasons Soll was even able to gain so much power was because he wrote the Constitution to allow him to do so. The Sollist constitution places a significant amount of power within the executive and the Supreme Court. The legislature, by proxy, is given very little power to actually exercise political control. Anything they pass can be vetoed by the president, and alongside Judicial review being able to smack down almost anything they pass due to the Supreme Court's complete immunity, they also can't change anything on a Constitutional level to check the other two powers because the Supreme Court reviews all constitutional changes before they are passed. Because the Supreme Court is hand picked by the President without even a say from the legislature, Soll was able to consolidate power within his branch continue to control much of the Sordish state long after he left office.
Many of you may be now thinking, "this sounds a lot like the United States," which I would argue is a very surface level way of looking at power balance within the country. Yes, much of the names are the same and there are similar motifs, but that is because this game heavily bases their politics and constitution around the Turkish constitution before it was reformed which itself borrowed its constitutional ideals from the United States. The reality is that the United States has a functional checks and balance system that prevents authoritarianism, and Sordland does not.
I am not going to get political or compare this to the modern day. Instead, I am going to explain the functionality of the balance of powers within the United States, and argue how they vastly differ from the Sordish Constitution. I am then going to argue how those balance of powers functionally allow for a democracy, even if it is flawed, and how Sordland is actually a authoritarian regime cosplaying as a democracy at the start of the Rayne Presidency.
To begin, Congress holds legislative authority to decide what laws to write. There is no Presidential decree system within the United States as there is in Sordland. Only Congress can write laws, and the President must follow them. An executive order only has the "force of law" in that it is the execution of the laws passed by Congress. If it is not within the scop of the law passed by Congress, it is considered ultra vires and thus unconstitutional. Congress, having the ability to decide what laws to pass, might use this power to consolidate their power within their branch and rule a dictatorial committee. As such, the United States gave the President a veto power in order o exercise a check on Congressional power. This veto power allows the President to reject a law passed by Congress in a similar function to the assent of the King in the United Kingdom. However, unlike in the United Kingdom, and unlike in Sordland, this veto can be overruled by a 2/3rds majority within Congress. This is so that the President himself can't exercise abject control over the laws that pass and functionally legislate from the executive by rejecting everything that Congress proposes to limit his power.
This system, and this is hard to accept for many people, creates gridlock. That is a function, not a glitch. The goal is to ensure that no one person exercises too much power within the United States political system that they can gain control over the total function of the State. It requires there be a consensus between two separate legislatures, and the President, in order for political change to take place. It also prioritizes compromise and forces sides to come to the bargaining table instead of pushing through legislation that may favor a slim majority. In short, it gives the minority in a government power, when most systems let the majority run rampant.
Alongside this, there is the Supreme Court. The third check on the power of the legislature and the executive. If the system of government is going to essentially write gridlock into its system to preserve freedom ,it must as a result have a way of resolving conflicts. This is where the Supreme Court comes in. Just like in Sordland, the Supreme Court of the United States has the power of judicial review. The purpose of Judicial review is to determine what the law is, and then determine if it is being applied correctly. This power serves as a mediation system between the legislature and the executive, and ensures that if either steps out of line, the other has recourse. Of course, the Supreme Court in the United States is appointed by the President, however, they must be confirmed by the Senate in order to become a justice. This allows both parties to have a say on who the referees are, and ensures that unlike in Sordland, power can't be consolidated into a particular loyalist power block that will side with one side no matter what.
Notably, the Supreme Court in Sordland also has the power to reject constitutional amendments from the legislature. This appears to be an attempt to check the power of the legislature, but the reality is that the legislature in Sordland has absolutely no power in the first place. It can only create laws with the approval of the president, and can only change the constitution with the approval of the Supreme Court. Unlike in the United States where the legislature can impeach both these branches if they feel they are not exercising their duties correctly, the Grand National Assembly has no functional way of getting rid of the President, or the members of the Supreme Court. They are in reality as powerful as the legislative body in Rizia, and no one ever notices.
I mentioned it before, but another important check on the power of any one branch is the ability of the legislature to impeach. This is a political question and is entirely the purview of the House and Senate of the United States to determine when impeachment is necessary. It allows for the legislature to get rid of any person they feel is consolidating power, and ensures that each branch can functionally control the impulses of another branch. This does not exist in Sordland. The executive wields absolute power to control much of the affairs of Sordland and are impeachable by the Supreme Court, not the legislature. Because they decide who is on the Supreme Court, it once again allows for consolidation of power just as with Soll. The country of Sordland calls itself a democracy, but it is a functioning dictatorship by the time of President Rayne, and his ability to consolidate power is a obvious problem.
These are not the traits we see in the United States. The United States is not unitarian like Sordland, but also has a second check on federal power: the powers of the States. While there is much to joke about when it comes to "states rights" in the context of the United States Civil War, the reality of the situation is the federalist principles of the United States additionally restrict the ability of the federal government to exercise control over every aspect of the country. Unlike in Sordland where the President may exercise power over pretty much anything within the country, and there appears to be no enumerated powers of the national government, the Federal government has no actual general policing power within the United States. They have the Commerce clause, which allows them widely the ability to regulate the functions of the economy both interstate, and to a wide extent intrastate, but it does not, for example, allow them to demand a state do a specific thing. In fact, they are actually limited by the 10th amendments anti-commandeering doctrine from instructing states to create specific laws. They can to some extent incentivize them to do so, but if it becomes too coercive the Supreme Court has in the past struck it down. Additionally, the Constitution gives power of the federal government both to the people, as well as to the states. The House is the proportional body of the federal government that has a proportional seat by population. Conversely, the Senate acts as a check on the power of populism by giving power to the states which function as regional microcosms of different cultures within the country. While the senate has the power of advise and consent, the power to approve treaties, and a few others, the house importantly has the power of the purse, or the ability to control spending. These vastly different powers must come together to pass a bill that is approved by both the people, and the cultures of the United States. This allows the minority to exercise protections against the majority, and ensure that they are at least heard in conversation, not just ignored.
This does not exist in Sordland. The Unicameral legislature of Sordland allows the popular whims of the government to function without any regard for the minorities within the country. the USP can, as the majority holder of the GNA, pass legislation unchecked by the other smaller parties. Confusingly, the NFP is able to pass several pieces of legislation targeting religious and ethnic minorities, but that is because their interests align with the conservative power block within the USP. As a result, they are effectively an extension of the USP, not a counterbalance to it. Additionally, while regions exist in Sordland, they exercise no power and do not serve as roadblocks to the power of the President. Your minister for education, for example, can completely reform the education system even in a place like Gruni, where Soll's influence controls the education of the region. Your minister for Health can enforce vaccine mandates throughout the country over the objection of the conservative population centers throughout the country whose only way of checking the power of the president is not through their regional legislatures, which I don't think even exist, but through a vote for a new President. Conversely, whatever you believe about these policies, in the United States it would be much harder for the President to enact these policies either through the DOE or the DHHS. While not impossible, the regions are still given a say and allowed to exercise some control over politics as a minority.
All of this to say that Sordlands checks and balances are non existent, and their governmental system lends itself to authoritarianism, not democracy. With all that said, lets address some of the issued raised in the previous post with an understanding of checks and balances and what happens when we don't have them:

"In Sordland people are outraged over the ten percent threshold keeping some smaller parties out, but in the US we have a voting system that makes it functionally impossible for small parties to win a single seat."

The original poster is talking about first past the post voting systems. I actually tend to agree with him on this point and think that the FPTP voting systems favor the two current political parties, but this does not change the fact that these two parties are "big tent" as a result of the consolidation. Just like how the USP in Sordland has several sub-factions, so do the Democrats and the Republicans in the United States. There are libertarians, authoritarians, and moderates in the Republicans just like there are socialists, communists, and moderates in the Democrats. Additionally, because representatives represent their states and their districts respectively, they are individually able to exercise more control over their ability to say no to their party. Unlike in the United Kingdom where voting against the party would be a death sentence, representatives in the US are able to do so with minimal repercussions. It allows for smaller parties within parties to function while still upholding the Democrat and Republican monikers. Additionally, I'm pretty sure Sordland also uses FPTP for its GNA elections, but I could be wrong about that.

"In Sordland people make a big deal over the election bill making it harder for small parties to get public funding, but in the US we don’t even have public funding for our elections."

This critique misses the problem with the public funding system. The public itself shouldn't even be funding political parties through their taxes. This is something the United States actually gets right and prevents additional consolidation of power within specific political parties, and it is counted against the United States for some reason. Funding political parties by the government only serves to encourage those with the most power to gain more. Its expressly stated in the game that is what is taking place by multiple people, even the USP, and somehow this was lost.

"In Sordland it’s taken for granted that every vote is counted equally for presidential and assembly elections. In the US we have the Senate and the Electoral College and we barely even question it."

This section seems to presume that the Senate and the electoral college are unfair by their very nature without understanding the purposes of either body, not examining the problems with the GNA and Executive structure as I outlined above. While I already went over the purpose of the Senate as a check on the power of the people, the electoral college I did not talk about. Its purpose is a check on the power of the states, and on the people, in a way that allows the President to be decided by both. Essentially, because the electoral votes are appropriated to states proportionally to however many senators and representatives each state has, it gives a lion share of the votes to states with large populations. However, it still emphasizes the importance of states due to the inclusion of at least 3 votes from every state, and makes it important to win victories in particular states, not just in population centers. By diluting the power of the people in this way, it allows minorities to once again have some say in the political process and not be crowded out by the slim majority. Whether you think the electoral college is a good system or not, it is highly unfair to just assume it has no function. Its purpose is to combine the power structures of Congress in order to decide the person who will execute their laws. And to say that "every vote counts" in Sordland just because they are decided by majority is not a nuanced way to look at power structures and rather favors tyranny of the majority over a sharing of power between political groups.

In Sordland people are outraged over the Supreme Court having the power to block constitutional changes. In the US our constitution can’t be changed without such an absurdly high quorum of state and federal governments that it’s pretty much a nonstarter.

Again, checks and balances that mean something. The United States assumes changing the constitution to be a very important affair. It is not merely another law but rather the very makeup of our democracy. As a result, there needs to be a significant backing by the people to actually acomplish a constitutional change. The country at large needs to actually want the change in order for it to be done, and to do so requires a large power base of the states to ensure it actually represents a large majority of the people. This prevents a slim majority of the states from exercising control over the constitutional process, or prevents a small majority of the population from voting away important fundamental protections. Conversely, the Supreme Court's ability to reject any constitutional issue takes the legislative power away from even the states or their populations and gives a full veto to the judiciary appointed by the President. It is far more restrictive than a requirement there be a consensus of states and to think the United State's system is more restrictive than the Sordland system is laughable.
In conclusion, Sordland is not a functional democracy, nor are its system set up in such a way that favors actual political discourse. It is a tyranny of the majority which functionally gives almost all of its power to its president without any real checks on his authority. The United States systems of checks and balances are a feature, not a bug, and serve to prevent much of the issues that can arise from a bad actor, such as Dictator Rayne, gaining power through the electoral process. If Dictator Rayne won the presidential election in the United States, he would not have been able to do almost any of the awful stuff he did in Sordland. That is a reality of the situation, and is a reality because of the systems of checks and balances that exist in the United States that Sordland does not have.
It's ok to think that the United States has problems. It does objectively have problems. But to say its a worse democracy than a Kingdom in a Republican trench coat is laughable at best and concerning at worst.

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Mod_Priority,#Mod_Status,#Mod_Name

"0000","+","DLC: HearthFires"
"0001","+","DLC: Dragonborn"
"0002","+","DLC: Dawnguard"
"0003","+","Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode"
"0004","+","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios"
"0005","+","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS"
"0006","+","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish"
"0007","+","Creation Club: _ResourcePack"
"0008","-","Fores New Idles in Skyrim SE - FNIS SE"
"0009","+","Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine"
"0010","+","Nemesis Output"
"0011","+","FNIS output"
"0012","+","ALLGUD Meshes"
"0013","+","RaceMenu"
"0014","+","XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended"
"0015","+","Address Library for SKSE Plugins"
"0016","+","PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions"
"0017","+","powerofthree's Tweaks"
"0018","+","powerofthree's Papyrus Extender"
"0019","+","Mfg Fix"
"0020","+","Belt-Fastened Quivers"
"0021","+","All Geared Up Derivative SE - AllGUD"
"0022","+","Spell Perk Item Distributor"
"0023","+","MCM Helper"
"0024","+","Immersive Sounds - Compendium"
"0025","+","Cutting Room Floor - SSE"
"0026","+","Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch - USSEP"
"0027","+","SkyUI"
"0028","+","Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim"
"0029","+","Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim"
"0030","+","Seraphim Blade by Hentai for Skyrim SE"
"0031","+","Blade of Intrigue SE"
"0032","+","Remiros' Ebony Blade HD"
"0033","+","FSMPM - The FSMP MCM"
"0034","+","Crash Logger SSE AE VR - PDB support"
"0035","+","FSMPV - FSMP-Validator - HDT-SMP XML Schema"
"0036","+","Leveled List for Wayfarer's Coat"
"0037","+","Magnus Robe"
"0038","+","Vigilant - Covered Female Robes"
"0039","+","Coats for Skyrim - UPDATED - SSE"
"0040","+","Nord Battlemage Armor"
"0041","-","New Armory Series Lunar Weapons - A Silent Moons Camp Overhaul"
"0042","+","Complete Crafting Overhaul Remastered"
"0043","+","Sound Record Distributor"
"0044","+","Wind Ruler Armor - My patches SE by Xtudo"
"0045","+","Jewelry Limiter - Another Multiple Rings and Amulets Mod"
"0046","+","Display Enemy Level"
"0047","+","Open Civil War SSE"
"0048","+","Multiple Floors Sandboxing"
"0049","+","Extended Vanilla Menus"
"0050","+","ConsoleUtilSSE NG"
"0051","+","Dylbills Papyrus Functions"
"0052","+","UIExtensions"
"0053","+","MergeMapper"
"0054","+","Keyword Item Distributor"
"0055","+","Simple Dual Sheath"
"0056","+","Read the Room - Immersive and Animated Helmet Management"
"0057","+","Kaidan's Armory Samurai for HIMBO"
"0058","+","HDT-SMP (Skinned Mesh Physics)"
"0059","+","BodySlide and Outfit Studio"
"0060","+","Sleek Wolf Armor - Replacer and Standalone - CBBE - 3BA - BHUNP - HIMBO - Vanilla"
"0061","+","Timing is Everything SE"
"0062","+","YOT - Your Own Thoughts SE"
"0063","+","Zikoru Swords Collection"
"0064","+","Ebony Armor Male Neck gap fix"
"0065","+","Kome's Inventory Tweaks"
"0066","+","JK's Arnleif and Sons Trading Company"
"0067","+","JK's Riverwood Trader"
"0068","+","JK's White Phial"
"0069","+","Skyrim Reputation"
"0070","+","Strange Runes"
"0071","+","Artifacts - The Ice Blade of the Monarch [SSE]"
"0072","+","Atlas Map Markers SE - Updated with MCM"
"0073","+","Dawnguard Arsenal SSE"
"0074","+","Man Those Borders! (SSE)"
"0075","+","JK's Warmaiden's"
"0076","+","JK's The Drunken Huntsman"
"0077","+","Yes Im Sure"
"0078","+","JK's The Bannered Mare"
"0079","+","Winter Is Coming SSE - Cloaks"
"0080","+","Immersive College of Winterhold"
"0081","+","No Spinning Death Animation SE"
"0082","+","OBIS SE - Organized Bandits In Skyrim Special Edition"
"0083","+","Wearable Lanterns"
"0084","+","Windyridge - Player home in Winterhold"
"0085","+","Hjertesten Hall - Player Home and Settlement"
"0086","+","Halla - A Whiterun Player Home"
"0087","+","Elianora's Breezehome Overhaul"
"0088","+","Open Cities Skyrim"
"0089","+","Run For Your Lives"
"0090","+","Dragon Falls Manor - SSE"
"0091","+","Stormcloak Battle Armor Replacer SE"
"0092","+","Perfect Legionnaire - Imperial Armor Reforged 6-0"
"0093","+","Silver Armor SE"
"0094","+","Royal Armory - New Artifacts"
"0095","+","Volkihar Knight - Vampire Armor"
"0096","+","Armors of the Velothi Pt. II"
"0097","+","Simple XP Buff - A Faster Skill Leveling Mod"
"0098","+","Unusual Perks of Barenziah"
"0099","+","Andrealphus' Jobs Overhaul x Sons of Skyrim - SkyPatcher"
"0100","+","Elven Eternity - Anime MMR"
"0101","+","Stress and Fear - A Dynamic Sanity System"
"0102","+","Tonal Architect"
"0103","+","Freyr - Integrated Standing Stones of Skyrim"
"0104","+","Mannaz - Integrated Races of Skyrim"
"0105","+","Ice Spike and Ice Spear no Impale"
"0106","+","Unlimited Wood Chopping"
"0107","+","Armor of Malacath"
"0108","+","Gorm HDT-SMP Armor - But Black"
"0109","+","The Elder Scrolls - Tomebound"
"0110","+","The Great City of Winterhold Patch Collection"
"0111","+","The Great City of Dragon Bridge SSE Edition"
"0112","+","The Great City of Rorikstead SSE Edition"
"0113","+","The Great City Of Winterhold SSE Edition"
"0114","+","The Great Cities- Resources"
"0115","+","The Great City of Solitude SSE"
"0116","+","The Great City Of Dawnstar SSE Edition"
"0117","+","The Great City Of Falkreath SSE Edition"
"0118","+","The Great City Of Morthal SSE Edition"
"0119","+","Guards Armor Replacer SSE"
"0120","+","The Great Cities - Minor Cities and Towns SSE Edition"
"0121","+","SkyClimb"
"0122","+","Yet Another Starting Skills Mod"
"0123","+","EVG Animated Traversal"
"0124","+","Experience"
"0125","+","Paired Animation Improvements"
"0126","+","Animation Queue Fix"
"0127","+","Amazing Follower Tweaks SE"
"0128","+","Simple Leather Armor Replacer"
"0129","+","Knight Sword SE"
"0130","+","Grandmaster Wolven Armor and Swords SE"
"0131","+","Akaviri Katana - Blades Sword Replacer"
"0132","+","Open Animation Replacer"
"0133","+","Dunmeri Leaf Swords"
"0134","+","Ritevice - Sword of Stendarr"
"0135","+","ORI - Harkon's Sword - Blood Matron"
"0136","+","Elven Blades SSE"
"0137","+","BillyRo Ultimate Swords Anthology"
"0138","+","Sharpen Other Swords II - AnimObject Swapper"
"0139","+","AnimObject Swapper"
"0140","+","Immersive Equipment Displays"
"0141","+","JaySuS Swords SE"
"0142","+","Perk Points and More Gold for Bounty Quests"
"0143","+","Even Better Quest Objectives SE"
"0144","+","Dynamic Mercenary Fees"
"0145","+","Immersive Weapons"
"0146","+","Immersive Armors"
"0147","+","JS Embalming Tools SE"
"0148","+","JS Rumpled Rugs SE"
"0149","+","Base Object Swapper"
"0150","+","Detailed Rugs"
"0151","+","JS Knapsacks SE"
"0152","+","JS Torture Tools SE"
"0153","+","JS Emissive Eyes SE"
"0154","+","JS Unique Utopia SE - Rings"
"0155","+","JS Helm of Yngol SE"
"0156","+","JS Initiate's Ewer SE"
"0157","+","JS Bloodstone Chalice SE"
"0158","+","JS Essence Extractor SE"
"0159","+","JS Dwemer Control Cube SE"
"0160","+","JS Dwarven Oil SE"
"0161","+","JS Dwemer Ichor Barrels SE"
"0162","+","JS Dwemer Artifacts SE"
"0163","+","JS Common Cages SE"
"0164","+","JS Unique Utopia SE - Daggers"
"0165","+","JS Instruments of Skyrim SE"
"0166","+","JS Barenziah SE"
"0167","+","JS Lockpicking UI SE"
"0168","+","JS Armored Circlets SE"
"0169","+","JS Dragon Claws SE"
"0170","+","JS Ioun Stones SE"
"0171","+","JS Purses and Septims SE"
"0172","+","The Joy of Perspective"
"0173","+","Rich Skyrim Merchants"
"0174","+","Stones of Barenziah Quest Markers"
"0175","+","Backported Extended ESL Support"
"0176","+","Triumvirate - Mage Archetypes"
"0177","+","Wyrmstooth"
"0178","+","Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim"
"0179","+","FileAccess Interface for Skyrim SE Scripts - FISSES"
"0180","+","ConsoleUtilSSE"
"0181","+","True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay"
"0182","+","VioLens - A Killmove Mod SE"
"0183","+","JContainers SE"
"0184","+","Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition-"
"0185","+","Expressive Facegen Morphs SE"
"0186","+","SMP-NPC crash fix"
"0187","+","SkyHUD"
"0188","+","Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice"
"0189","+","Immersive Patrols SE AE"
"0190","+","Alternate Start - Live Another Life - SSE"
"0191","+","Sacrosanct - Vampires of Skyrim"
"0192","+","Dragonbane Replacer"
"0193","+","Isis Dagger"
"0194","+","NordWarUA's Vanilla Armor Replacers SSE"
"0195","+","JS Shrines of the Divines SE"
"0196","+","Blended Roads"
"0197","+","Haugbui - A Draugr Overhaul"
"0198","+","Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations"
"0199","+","Unique Uniques SE"
"0200","+","RUGNAROK - Special Edition"
"0201","+","Frankly HD Nightingale Armor and Weapons [SSE]"
"0202","+","Frankly HD Dawnguard Armor and Weapons"
"0203","+","Skyrim Immersive Creatures Special Edition"
"0204","+","RS Children Patch Compendium"
"0205","+","Seranaholic by rxkx22 - SSE"
"0206","+","Bijin Wives SE"
"0207","+","LeanWolf's Better-Shaped Weapons - All in One Installer"
"0208","+","RUSTIC CLOTHING - Special Edition"
"0209","+","Bijin NPCs SE"
"0210","+","Gemling Queen Jewelry SE"
"0211","+","Bijin Warmaidens SE"
"0212","+","CBPC - Physics with Collisions"
"0213","+","Ancient Dwemer Metal - My patches for SMIM Dawnguard Dragonborn by Xtudo"
"0214","+","Apachii Sky Hair SSE"
"0215","+","Noble Skyrim Mod HD-2K"
"0216","+","Beyond Skyrim - Assets"
"0217","+","A Quality World Map"
"0218","+","KS Hairdos SSE"
"0219","+","Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer -CBBE-"
"0220","+","Sidequests of Skyrim"
"0221","-","MCO_separator"
"0222","+","Payload Interpreter"
"0223","+","Animation Motion Revolution"
"0224","+","oneclickmodified v"
"0225","+","Attack MCO-DXP"
"0226","+","Behavior Data Injector"
"0227","+","Combat Pathing Revolution"
"0228","+","SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution"
"0229","+","SmoothCam"
"0230","+","IFrame Generator RE"
"0231","+","MCO Universal Support"
"0232","+","Dodge MCO-DXP"
"0233","+","Disable Turn Animation SE I AE"
"0234","+","Keyword Compatibility Framework"
"0235","+","Smooth Combo Animation Framework Fix"
"0236","+","Smooth Moveset"
"0237","+","Smooth Heavy Armor Count"
"0238","+","Smooth Magic Casting Animation"
"0239","+","Dynamic Fus Ro Dah"
"0240","+","Smooth Weapon Jump Animation"
"0241","+","Open Animation Replacer - IED Conditions"
"0242","+","Dynamic Bow Animation"
"0243","+","TK Dodge SE"
"0244","+","Simple TKDodge Sidestep"
"0245","+","No .esp"
My current load order

TUCKING ALL DAY
A serious guide for a very sexy purpose
This guide is intended to provide information to help a person who is Assigned Male At Birth (AMAB) the instruction for a comfortable way to be tucked for long periods of time and/or to achieve the smoothest appearance. Various clothing options will be provided as well as the pro’s and con’s of each one.
Disclaimer – This guide is intended for people who are 18 years of age or older. For serious tucking only. People who are pre-Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) or who are not going to change their hormones can experience some initial discomfort, pain, or even physical harm leading to a hernia. Consult your primary care physician at your next regular checkup, they will want to conduct an inspection of your lower abdomen for any potential signs of a future hernia. The test is simple involving some pressure being used outside your body to test for any signs of tears just below your skin. While a hernia is not likely to happen to most folks, it is highly worth a few few extra seconds at your visit to the doctor.
This guide should not be used as your only source of information. Please read the entire document before attempting the tucking method from section 2 of this guide.
Thanks, I hope this helps you get soft and smooth you wonderful people!
Section 1 - Terminology
Many people who want to tuck for extended periods of time do not want to refer to their genitalia by the medical terminology. This guide will use slang terminology instead.
Medical Term Term Used Here Definition Used Here
Testicles Berries Balls
Anus and Colon Bussy The surrounding skin is well shaven and the colon is cleaned and ready for penetration
Scrotum Coin Purse This does not include the testicles
Penis Clitty The shaft and head of the penis
Male Genitalia Meat Meaning the external portion, once the testicles are internal they are not included under “Meat”
? Grower A penis which is smaller when not erect
? Shower A penis which is approximately the same size whether flaccid or erect
Section 2 Tucking method
2-1 Tucking Intro
One of the goals of an All Day Tuck is for your Meat to stay in place and the important factors are proper coverage of the garment, sufficient compression of the Meat, and enough insulation to keep everything warm enough to remain a little moist. At times you may want to add a Boy Short panty or any women’s panty over your chosen tucking garments.
Prolonged tucking requires proper hygiene to avoid a yeast infection. It also requires a regular shave down there to avoid chaffing.
The first few times you tuck using this method there can be some initial discomfort or even pain. Do not push yourself too hard. You may want to ease into the full tuck by attempting this method but stop before following all steps. This can be similar to a little stretching before a physical activity. You will need to assess your level of pain, it should not be extreme.
At times you may want to tuck and experience difficulty because there is too much blood in the spongy tissue of your Clitty or you may not have the proper garments yet to contain a proper tuck. In these cases you can follow this tucking method and simply sit down at the edge of your bed or a chair to reduce the size of your swollen Clitty or just to hold your tuck in place
2-2 Hiding Those Berries!
You may need to crouch or lay on your side for best results. Begin by placing your dominant hand behind your back and between the legs.
Grasp the very bottom of your Coin Purse and give it a little tension by pulling gently downwards.
Maintain that light tension on the Coin Purse and bring it back towards your Bussy.
Your Berries should have risen and now be close to the base of your Clitty.
Using your non-dominant hand and spread your fingers in order to be able to manipulate both of your berries. (Live Long and Prosper hand sign From Star Trek)
Gently encourage your Berries upwards on either side of your Clitty. This is where discomfort or pain may occur.
*For novices. You may wish to focus on one Berry at a time if there is difficulty or pain. Just make a small circular motion on the underside of the Berry/Berries to encourage them upwards. There are small openings to the lower abdomen where Berries drop from in infancy. Those openings are usually smaller than your adult Berries, until they are gently stretched a little.
For those who are going to take HRT, an anti-androgen will be taken until such time as the berries cease to function. At that point they will likely become smaller, softer, and less sensitive. Tucking becomes much easier but reproductive functions will be greatly affect
Keeping your berries in the original position will increase their temperature. This will not have any feminizing effects on your body but will likely decrease your sperm production and I have no idea if it will affect production of Testosterone.
2-3 Getting The Meat Into Position
Once the Berries “pop” into position use your non-dominant hand to push your Clitty back towards your Bussy and against your Coin Purse. Note, you should still be using your dominant hand to maintain the position and tension on your Coin Purse.
The final step for this tucking method and just before you secure your tuck with appropriate clothing is to hold the tuck together by squeezing your thighs together.
The next section covers the popular clothing items used to maintain a tuck in a comfortable and sustainable way.
NO DUCT TAPE!!!
Section 3 Clothing To Secure That Tuck
Gaffs
I use many different brands and do not recommend any one over another. I will say that BBlair offers good quality and it’s Trans Owned! Gaff And Go offers gaffs with thinner waist straps. Pictured here is a transwoman who likely has less meat than average or an expert at minimizing There are many shapes and materials for modern gaffs. Stretch Satin is the most securing material and stretches less than other clothing options listed below, but has an optimal design. A stretch satin gaff is a great choice for beginners and experts alike. Some less desirable aspects are the cheaper models often do not have a narrow thong leaving to much material between the butt cheeks, they are generally 25-35 USD, and are less sexy or less like a woman’s panty.
Most of my 14 years tucking have been with Gaff panties.
No-Show Women’s Stretch Brief Panties
I have no brand opinions for these. You can just go to any women’s department and are likely to find something that works.
This is the most comfortable and least sexy option for securing a tuck, most suitable for a good night’s sleep. Multiple panties are layered with one or two being put on backwards. You may add a final layer with the panties put on in the intended position. You should experiment with panties one and two sizes smaller than recommended for your waist/hip size.
Your Meat may remain secured best if positioned a little more towards your front which can leave a little bulging with some outfits.
Even More Options – Advanced
Stripper Clothing!!! Bonus points!!!
Body Zone and The Beauty Cave offer options I have access to at a store near me. I am not endorsing these Brands over other brands, I just do not know of other brands that may work. These items are thin and stretchy unlike similar items designed for swimming, this is key.
Bikini Bottoms Method
This is great for those with less Meat or who are experienced with gaffs and with minimizing their Clitties.
Prepare your tuck and put a string bikini bottom on as a first layer. It should be located further back than intended so that the bottom of the Coin Purse and head of the Clitty will be contained. It’s okay if a little Meat sticks out over the top.
Put a second string bikini on as intended to be worn. This method may not work for everyone and will take some practice. A tie string bikini might help with it’s customizable tension.
This is the method I use for tanning and achieving porn star tan lines.
Conclusion
Compression
Comfort
Warmth
Find what works for you and have fun
SIT ON IT!!!
About the author
I was assigned male at birth. I am in my 40s now. I was deeply closeted until I was 30 years old and just ready for everything to end. I love this world and want others to have an easier time in life than I did. I love you all. See you around you sexy babes <3

The episode resumed on a shot of Zee and Jo, their skin tones back to normal, running up to a smiling Chris. "Welcome back," he told the camera. "Zee and helper Jo are the first to arrive here, at the world's largest mud puddle!" The camera pulled back, revealing that the trio was standing near the edge of a large lake of burbling mud, a measuring stick rising out of it at the nearest edge.
"It's eight feet deep," Chris explained over a close-up of the measuring stick showing the mud reaching up very nearly to the 8' mark, "and 200 yards across. And," the camera quick-panned to the far right side of the 'puddle', "since it's too thick to swim through," the shot cut back to the couple and Chris, "the only way to the other side is with one of you piggybacking the other."
"Umm...," Zee said hesitantly, sharing a wary look with Jo, "doesn't that mean the person on the bottom..."
"Will drown?" Chris finished. "Yes."
"What?!" Jo said in wide-eyed shock.
"Unless they use this garden hose!" Chris added, a light chime playing as he held up a length of green hose.
Zee let out a breath. "Okay then. Guess I'm on the bottom, then."
Jo's eyes widened a bit in a brief bit of surprise, and she looked at her partner. "I should be objecting to this since I'm supposed to be the helper, but hey. No heavy lifting from me."
"Yeah…" Zee agreed half heartedly.
Confessional: Zee
"I was able to hold Jo onto my back while we were skiing," Zee told the confessional. "I can still do the same while under mud."
Confessional Ends
"I know that I said you were weak in the past," Jo said, "but that was until I saw that you were able to make it this far in the game."
"You thought wrong about me," Zee replied. "I wasn’t active at first in challenges and finding food, but with Julia eliminated, I was able to grow and become a finalist."
Chris suddenly stepped between the two. "How touching. Now start the challenge."
The scene cut to Zee and Jo jumping into the mud, the former disappearing below its depths while the latter, on his shoulders, held up the length of the hose. They started moving forward, and the camera panned back to the left to show Harold, Scarlett, and Chris holding up another length of hose.
"Yeah, I'll be on top," Harold stated.
"Pardon me?" Scarlett countered, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't trust you not to let me drown," Harold told her. "Self-preservation comes first."
Scarlett groaned. "That's fair," she said, taking the hose from Chris, "but if you let me suffocate, I'm dragging you down into the mud with me."
"Crustal," Harold deadpanned, and as Scarlett crouched down, she jumped onto the brainiac's shoulders. Scarlett stood back up and put the end of the hose in her mouth, and she jumped into the mud.
The tense music faded away as the camera moved onto Chris, the host sighing as Chef walked up. "You think the mud was a bad idea?" Chris asked. "It's a little quiet… oh yeah," Chris said as if in sudden realization, "almost forgot about the Peanut Gallery. Bring 'em back in!" he said into a walkie talkie he only then pulled out.
Moments later, the wind kicked up around them, and the camera zoomed out to show the large helicopter flying in with the former contestants still hanging – and screaming as they swayed ominously – below it. "Would you let us down already?!" Leshawna shouted angrily. "It's freezin' up here!"
"Yeah, I want to cheer for Zee!" Julia chimed in.
"If I wasn't tied up right now, I'd have half a mind to pound you!" Duncan shouted at the host.
The camera focused on DJ. "Hey, Chris?" he looked forward and asked loudly. "Just bring us down before anybody else gets miffed at you!"
"No, and I don't care," Chris answered with a calm smile, until Chef whispered to him. A flat note played over a close-up of Chris staring blankly at him. "Huh...good point," he admitted. "Ooh!" he said with a sudden grin. "I just had an idea!"
A flash took the scene to Zee and Jo, the tense challenge music resuming at a low volume and slow pace in the background. They were still slogging through the mud, Zee out of sight but Jo only submerged up to her stomach. She looked back over her shoulder, smiled, then said "Keep going!" into the piece of hose she was holding. "They're way far behind!"
Confessional: Zee
"So as it turns out," Zee said, "being submerged in the mud is kinda like being trapped in the dark. But there aren't any animals below to scare me."
Confessional Ends
The music ramped up as Jo suddenly stopped moving, then seemed to turn around and start moving back towards the start. "Uh, Fruit Loop?" she asked into the hose. "We're going the wrong way!"
The camera cut to Harold, looking somewhat bored as he held the hose atop Scarlett's shoulders, before noticing the other team and frowning. "Why are they coming this way?"
"Ugh! They're too safe to sabotage each other!" came the sudden voice of Chris McLean, the camera cutting to him standing in the show's jeep with Chef at the wheel, speaking into the microphone of the jeep's loudspeaker. "Deploy the 2.0 model!"
The shot cut back to Harold and Jo as they looked around with strange expressions, the sound of something like a rocket taking off coming from somewhere in the distance. They looked up and to the left, and the camera shifted to their viewpoint to show a large object shooting up through the sky overhead...
...then abruptly diving towards them, revealing itself as a red-eyed robotic bear with small jet engines coming out of its back. Harold and Jo screamed as their respective partners continued in their previous directions, getting out of the way as the Bear landed in the mud. It hit with enough force to cause a wave of mud, which shot all the way across the puddle carrying the finalists and their helpers along for the ride. All four immediately began to cough upon landing in a muddy heap.
Confessional: Harold
"At least I have a better shot," Harold said. "We're tied right now, but who knows what other tricks Chris has up his sleeves."
Confessional Ends
A close-up of the nozzle of a fire hose in Chef's hands preceded him blasting the muddy finalists and helpers with water, all four screaming where they'd landed on the shore of the 'puddle'. Moments later, the water was shut off, leaving them drenched but clean.
"We're all tied up," Chris announced with a smile. "Perfect time for a little break. First, let's bring in the Peanut Gallery again." He took out his remote and pointed it at a patch of ground nearby, a hole opening up in it and a rather shoddy-looking set of stadium seats shooting up out of it with the ten former contestants seated – and still tied-up – in it.
"Sha-finally," Lightning said, the shot cutting to him sitting in the top row with B, DJ, Duncan, and Max and Leshawna, Ella, Julia, Sammy, and Amy in the bottom row. "Are we gonna get to watch the rest of the challenge now?"
"Yup!" Chris answered with a happy smile, pressing the button on his remote again so that a large widescreen television emerged from another hole in the ground near him and the finalists.
"Will you untie us too?" Ella chimed in.
Chris huffed. "Whine, whine, whine," he said in annoyance. "Don't I do enough for you kids as it is?"
"No," all fourteen of the season's cast members replied at the same time.
A flat note played over a close-up of the host pursing his lips. "Yeah, I owe Chef twenty bucks about that," Chris said, the camera zooming back out again to show the finalists and helpers. "Everyone, grab a seat," he instructed, and the four reluctantly sat down on the logs lying behind them. "I'm gonna show you some of my favorite clips from the show..." He pointed his remote at the TV, and the shot focused in as it switched on and started to play footage of a confessional...
"Dunderhead was already pretty useless," Jo complained. "But now he's making moves on one of the actually decent players on the team? Not on my watch!"
The camera cut in close to show Jo pausing and looking back. "Something on your mind, Anti-Squeakerbox?" she asked, the camera shifting to show B peering at her and shaking his head.
“It's not what you think it is," Jo told him. "As long as they are on this team, Julia and Zee will not date."
“Not exactly how I wanted the elimination to play, but hey. Julia’s gone and with Zee still in the game, I could manipulate him into doing whatever I say,” Jo grinned.
The footage paused, and Chris leaned out in front of the television with a wide and mischievous grin. "Seems like there isn't a shipper on deck…" he said impishly.
"So you were trying to keep me and Julia apart?" Zee said as the camera moved to him and Jo, his eyes wide with shock. "Does this mean that...,"
"Yup. I convinced Julia to quit," Jo replied. "I didn't expect her to fully go through with it since I was gonna vote you out!"
"I can't believe you'd try and do that!" Zee said with a glare!"
"If I didn't do what I did, then you two likely would've blown challenges for us like the dueling one!" Jo argued back.
The camera focused on Julia in the Peanut Gallery. "I was trying to defend my boyfriend, but sure," she said dryly.
"I'm just worried what Chris is gonna show from Scarlett," Sammy said. "It looks like he wants to mess up the finalists and their helpers..."
"Maybe he won't show anything?" Amy suggested. "I mean, it's not like Scarlett and Harold were that close to begin with."
The shot cut back to a smiling Chris. "Oh, don't worry, I have no intention of leaving those guys out of all this fun," he said happily.
"I don't see how," Scarlett said. "Harold already knows everything about me now. I’m practically an open book."
Chris laughed. "Seems you forgot that the cameras are always on. So here's some more juicy information that everybody gets to hear." The screen on the TV went from static to a scene from the fifth episode.
Scarlett herself grabbed the dueling stick Ella retrieved, fished an electric eel out of the water, and tossed it to Max. "Max!" she cried, and her teammates looked at her in confusion, prompting her to pretend that she had coughed. "Pardon me!"
“The plan was for Max to be the only one not in the trap, so the team would know he built it and vote him off!” Scarlett confessed.
"I overheard Leshawna and Harold's conversation when they were foraging together, and Leshawna being on to me is something that I refuse to let happen," Scarlett claimed. “Zee's really gullible enough to deceive, and I'll try to talk to Ella.”
A deep, dramatic note was struck over a shot of Harold in shock. "So it was you who got Leshawna eliminated!" he scowled in Scarlett's direction.
"I wasn't ready to come out just yet, and between the two of you, you were less likely to warn anyone about me!" Scarlett retorted.
"So all this time, Scarlett was aiming to usurp her master!" Max ranted.
"I don't blame her," Leshawna commented. “As much of a pain as she is, I would've done the same thing and sent your annoying behind home.”
"Okay," Chris said happily as the shot moved onto him, "I'm sensing some major hostility and I'm liking it. I'm out of popcorn, though, so we should probably get back to the challenge."
"Seriously?!" the finalists and helpers alike exclaimed.
"Obviously, the helpers aren't gonna be very helpful anymore," Chris replied. "So, instead of helpers, Jo and Scarlett will now be hinderers." As he spoke, Chef walked back into view with a pair of video game controllers, tossing one each to Scarlett and Jo. "The island is now back online," Chris continued, "and, with these controllers, they will be able to throw up obstacles to throw you down, or, completely crush you."
The shot cut to Scarlett as she looked at her controller and smirked. "Good to know."
"Looking forward to it," Jo said in determination.
Harold and Zee gulped, and Chris laughed. "That was the good part," he said. "Let me tell you the bad part. You have ten minutes to finish this challenge," he told Zee and Harold. "If neither of you do, Scarlett and Jo get to split the money."
"Dude, what?" Zee said in shock.
"You can't do that!" Harold protested.
"I can! I will! I am! GO!" Chris announced, blowing his airhorn right in Chef's face, earning an annoyed sigh from the man. Harold and Zee immediately ran off, but the camera cut to a close-up of a thoughtful Jo.
"Well...I want the money, but I'm not really comfortable with how this is set up," Jo said to herself. "But...I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I just made this a little more challenging for them..."
"Do what you want," Scarlett said, the camera panning over to show her grinning darkly with her controller in hand. "I'm getting my justice."
Confessional: Jo
“And I thought I was an underhanded person,” Jo mentioned to herself. “Velma has less morals than me and Gnome Master.”
Confessional: Scarlett
"I was snubbed in the last episode," Scarlett confessed. "And now that I've been given permission, I can stop the finalists from winning without getting electrocuted!" She pulled out the remote from the seventh episode. "I don't even need this device. I have a controller to do the job for it."
Confessionals End
A few quick drum taps opened up a deep and dangerous challenge theme, the scene returning to Zee and Harold sprinting across the open field only to gape in shock as the pine trees in the background starting launching like rockets.
"What the heck?" Harold said. "Rocket trees?"
One landed right behind them, forcing both finalists to roll forward out of the way. "This island is wild!" Zee cried as the two continued running, more and more trees landing behind them like massive spears.
The two were shown together in a brief close-up, raising their eyebrows in surprise. A quick-pan ahead revealed the landscape changing, trees and rock formations rising up out of the artificial ground to form a large, dense barrier.
Harold jumped ahead of Zee as they climbed over the first big rock formation.
Zee vaulted downward and dashing forward along a lower 'path' among the rocks. Just as he was about to jump down onto grass, however, a boulder shot upward – and he landed on it groin-first. A close-up showed him letting out a high-pitched squeal of pain.
Harold's wince drew the camera's attention back upward to show him leaping from a boulder and grabbing onto the branch of a tree, only for the tree to suddenly shoot back down into the ground – causing him to yell as it dragged him down and slammed him back-first onto a fallen log.
Zee gave him a quick concerned glance as he jumped onto the same log, then upwards onto a rock formation before climbing onward and to the right and out of sight.
The scene cut back to the hinderers, both still working their controllers with Scarlett still looking considerably happier about it. "No need to change what works," Jo said uncertainty.
"What happened to that cutthroat attitude you've been displaying?" Scarlett asked. "Don't throw it away when I can get something out of it. And lower some of those trees. They're giving them too much cover from this storm I'm whipping up."
The camera panned onto the monitor to show Zee and Harold struggling against a powerful wind as they walked through what looked like a dense forest as leaves, dust, branches, and various small woodland animals blew past them.
A focus on the monitor's screen transitioned the scene back to the challenge. "I think...I can see the finish line in the distance," Zee said, pausing for a moment as he struggled against the intense gale.
"They're not making this easy on us," Harold commented.
The pair briefly passed behind a thick and mossy pine tree, the camera zooming in slightly as they reappeared. "Would you?" Zee asked.
"...I guess not," Harold answered after a moment.
The shot cut back to the Peanut Gallery to show them watching with worry and anticipation. "C'mon, Harold," Leshawna spoke. "Just hang in there."
"I know you can win this, Zee," Julia said. "You deserve it after everything."
Then the camera cut back to the hinderers, Chris standing next to their monitor with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. "Ooh! They're getting close!" he said excitedly, prompting Scarlett to scowl and Jo to frown.
Once more the scene moved back to the finalists, their arms raised to buffer themselves against the winds – snow beginning to fall and lightning beginning to crack in the background - with Harold in the lead. "Two minutes left!" Chris called out over the island's loudspeaker. "Two minutes!"
"I...," Harold said with glee. "I think I can make it!"
"Not if I can help it!" Zee shouted, speeding up as the dense trees around him and Harold began to recede into the ground – and the tense and dangerous challenge music resumed. "If I win, me and Julia can go out and change the world together."
"I have to win this," Harold told him. "I've been undervalued and looked down on by my peers, friends, and even my family. I need to prove my might."
The snowy ground below their feet began to crack. A hollow sound played, then all at once, the ground shot up under them, earning startled yells from both. The shot soon cut to the new peak they were standing on rising up into the sky, then stopping.
"Drats..." Zee muttered, both finalists looking down with wide eyes. his final word echoed as the camera zoomed out, revealing the snowy mountain they were now at the top of.
The Peanut Gallery was shown gasping, as were Jo, though Scarlett was smiling as their misfortune. "Twenty seconds left...!" Chris said as the camera moved on to him looking at his watch.
The shot cut back to Harold. "I guess it's over," he sighed. “Scarlett wins after all.”
Zee noticed a bulge in the snow beside him. The boy shoved his hand into it and pulled out the phone Duncan stole from Chris. "I don't know how this got here, but we have to get down. Start stomping the ground."
Harold nodded and stomped on the ground at his feet, and after a few cracks, Zee hurled the phone down, breaking the device apart. Their eyes widened as the mountain began to crumble under them, and the ground imploded in on itself.
"Six! Five!" Chris began to count off, the music cutting out save for a single plodding note to highlight each number. "Four!" The camera panned onto the television, showing both finalists tumbling through the snow and rock. "Three! Two! One!" The shot cut to the finish banner, then zoomed out to show the avalanche stopping just under it – with neither finalist in sight. "GAME OVER!" he announced, blowing on his airhorn as a subdued but triumphant riff played.
Jo stood up in surprise, and Scarlett started cheering.
"My mission was a success!" Scarlett said in victory. “Now hand over my well-deserved prize!”
"Congratulations Jo and Scarlett," Chris said with his usual smile. "Revenge is sweetest-" he glanced at the monitor- "ohhhhh, what have we here?" he said with a sudden look of shock, the music cutting out as he pointed at the television screen.
A sharp note played as a familiar hand stuck out of the snow lying just past the finish line and waved. Scarlett's jaw dropped in shock, and Jo let out a sigh of relief.
The scene cut to the finish line, the camera pulling back a little ways as Chef walked up with a stretcher, dressed as a female nurse. Leshawna ran onscreen and pushed him out of the way. Chef flew off frame with a shout, and Leshawna grabbed the arm and pulled, freeing a shocked and snowy Harold from the aftermath of the avalanche. "Oh," he groaned, looking around as Leshawna dropped him on the stretcher, "what happened?" he asked as the victorious music began to play again with much more enthusiasm.
"You won, Ginger Baby!" Leshawna answered with a smile, the camera pulling out even more to show Harold looking back at the finish banner.
"I did it!" Harold said excitedly. "Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V has claimed victory! Boo yah!" he raised his arms and cheered, the shot cutting away to show all of the Peanut Gallery cheering.
“We weren't able to talk to each other as much, and it's clear we like each other as more than just friends, but how about we hang out a little bit back home and see where things go?” Leshawna suggested.
“As long as we don't rush into a committed relationship, I'd like that,” Harold smiled back.
The camera panned to the left to show Julia frantically pulling a dazed and half-conscious Zee from the rest of the avalanche, and picking him up onto her back.
"Julia," Zee said weakly, "I'm sorry that I-"
"Be quiet," Julia said with a weak smile as she carried her boyfriend over to the stretcher and set him down next to Harold. "You need to rest."
"But-" Zee tried to say.
He was cut off by Julia grabbing his head and kissing him full on the lips. "You didn’t win the money, but we can still provide for the world in our own ways, and with the power of love," she said with a smile as she broke the kiss, leaving Zee looking dopey.
The capstone theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the open sky, the double-rotored helicopter soon flying up into view. "That's it for this very, very off season," Chris began, standing in the open doorway with Zee and Julia sitting on the edge letting their legs dangle freely with Julia leaning into Zee; Harold and Scarlett standing on either side of Chris, the latter annoyed and the former grinning while holding the suitcase full of money to his chest; and the rest of the cast, crouching down and peering over in the gaps between and behind the rest, constantly jockeying for position as they tried to get one last shot of themselves on camera.
"This is Chris McLean, saying if you can't stand the pain-" the handsome host continued, the shot cutting in closer- "stay off the Total! Drama! Paaaahkitew Island!"
"RE-VENGE!" Max suddenly yelled from behind Scarlett, shoving her out of the helicopter, and the brainiac screamed as she fell.
The camera lingered on the dumbfounded looks of Chris and the other ex-campers, all of them staring at Max in shock. "This is how a traitor should be rewarded," he said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes defiantly.
The ex-campers and host burst out laughing, and a fun and energetic tune started to play. The camera panned over to the windshield to show Chef laughing along with the rest of the cast from the pilot's seat, and the helicopter flew away.
The music soon faded away, though, and the scene quick-panned down to show a screaming Scarlett landing in the giant mud puddle. She quickly surfaced with a shocked splutter, and pulled herself out onto dry land. "How am I going to get home now because of those imbeciles?!"
A few ominous notes were struck, and a ferocious growl caught Scarlett's attention. She looked up, and the camera zoomed out to show Scuba Bear 2.0 standing over her, eyes red. "Heheh," the brainiac laughed nervously. "You're not going to hurt me are you?"
The scene abruptly cut outward to the full long-distance shot of the island, the ominous music ending as Scarlett's scream and Scuba Bear's snarl echoed across the lake.
(Roll the Credits)
Lightning - 14th
DJ - 13th
Amy - 12th
B - 11th
Julia - 10th
Max - 9th
Leshawna - 8th
MERGE
Jo - 7th
Duncan - 6th
Ella - 5th
Sammy - 4th
Scarlett - 3rd
Zee - 2nd
Harold - 1st

[ First / Previous / Next ]
Memory Transcription Subject: Hileen, Krakotl Fugitive Recovery Agent
Date [standardized human time]: November 28th, 2136
It'd been a while since I sat in Marlig's office for a talk face-to-face. Given the agency's secluded location at the edge of the downtown region, it was a chore to drop by when it wasn't for business, but I'd deemed the matter at hand to be worth my time.
I passed by Nampi at her desk on my way to the door and she gave me a coy glare as I carried on. Trying to ignore her risible ear waggle, I turned the corner to the door with my boss’s name painted on the glass panel where I could hear the frantic crumpling of paper.
Quietly, I entered Marlig's office without prompt as I knew he hated to be spooked by knocking. My mentor was surprisingly spry for a bird at his age, sorting through papers with one wing and an eye while using his talons with the other to set away the papers he had splayed out.
“Hileen!” he chirped. “Glad you could make it in today. I was just finishing up my paperwork. Take a seat.”
It was always nice to hear him drop the professional motif for a more grandfatherly attitude when speaking in person. I did as he suggested and took a seat while he grumbled to himself over the sorting. My eye caught a few of the old contracts he was rifling through and saw that some dated back to his days as an agent.
Eventually, he left some sitting out as he sequestered the rest back into their files, sorted by a dichotomy that only he and Nampi could comprehend fully. He motioned with a wing for me to peruse and I turned the first one to face me to find it was my first contract, signed by me in a sloppy fashion. “This takes me back a couple of years.”
“Slick bastard thought he could get away on a forklift but you showed him! Certainly more exciting than my first day!”
“Mm-hmm. And it was when I nearly got impaled that you had the idea to commission all of us utility vests.”
He chuckled, “I really should’ve done so sooner. Cuts and scratches were already a risk, but a forklift was a new one!”
I flipped through the pages of each report, finding that Marlig's notes were filled with praises of my work. There were highs and lows, but I was flattered to find that the grizzled krakotl held my performance in such high regard.
“Flawless interception!” read one footnote about me catching a runner. “Couldn't have done it better myself!”
Marlig waited patiently as I browsed quickly through each page, realizing more and more how the notes also marked improvements in my work. How I found it easier to talk down a rowdy client, or apprehend them in the case that they were beyond helping on my part. Flowery language plastered most pages with him fawning over my work as a doting father would to his prodigal child.
The trend took a sharp turn as the notes became fewer and more critical the closer the dates reached to the present. I brushed the others aside with a wing to peruse the final paper. “And this…”
“Is Tac. Your latest contract. The most recent in a line of declining performance since the interview. This has become a pattern, Hileen, and its consequences are beginning to reach beyond yourself. Paji and Vesek resigned recently for personal reasons, which leaves us even less hands on deck than before. That's four people to cover the entire municipal region, and maybe even beyond, should needs arise. Three, if we include this little probation I have you on.”
“What was I supposed to do? Marlig, these ‘jobs’ you've got us working on overstep the contracts we were signed on with. Our job is to make sure people obey their court-mandated duties, not drag them off to the facilities ourselves!”
“... So the trip we took to the facilities did bother you.”
A sigh clicked in my throat as he reminded me. “Is that what happens to the people we take in, Marlig? Is that what would've happened to your wife?”
His feathers ruffled.
“That's what happens to those who are too dangerous to the general public to be left roaming free. Not everyone we deal with winds up there, but everyone can be subject to it. Miskela sued for her exoneration and proved in court that she was not diseased. I brought you there to show you how it helps the people, but I see now that it was a mistake. I understand why you were so perturbed, really, but it's how things have been for centuries. It's how we've protected ourselves from the dangers out there.”
“You were willing to let Barsul be interned there, too.”
Marlig flinched and sighed as he swept the papers towards himself once I'd signaled I was done. He turned one eye to me while he sorted them.
“There's no room for favoritism, girl. I negotiated for him to be allowed to walk free, and look where that got me. That boy - your neighbor - suffered the consequences of my nepotism. So too would the girl, had nobody intervened.”
“Like Richard.”
“The human, yes. Or you. Or the police. Where does this sudden obsession with humans come from, anyway? I get notifications of you talking about the acceptance of them all the time on forums.”
“Does it even need explaining?”
“Well, I guess not, no, but it's certainly an about-face from the way you used to talk about them with me beforehand.”
“People can change, for better or worse. Which one I fall under remains to be seen.”
Marlig stroked at the plumage on his neck as he finished his sorting. “I hope it's the former, for your sake. Was there any reason you came to talk, or were you just checking that I hadn't gone senile?”
“Well, I was hoping to borrow your secretary for the evening.”
He perked up while his eyes narrowed and he laced his fingers together with curiosity. “You… want to spend an evening with Nampi?”
“It's not what you're insinuating, but yes.”
“I was insinuating nothing,” he warbled coyly. “Go ahead and take her, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.”
“Pain-in-the-ass geezer. I'll keep in touch if your friend causes any more trouble.”
“Keep in touch regardless. Miskela and I get lonely in our old age,” he called back. “Take care.”
I stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the desk where I could hear the secretary's claws tapping furtively at her keyboard. Nampi sat silently with her ears and tail in a relaxed position that implied a bored demeanor. There was barely any response as I stood before her, waiting politely for her acknowledgment that never came.
Hesitantly, I cleared my throat.
An ear raised in acknowledgement, but her focus remained on the screen of her computer. “Mhm?”
“Do you…?”
Her ear rotated toward me, though she still maintained a passive attitude as she continued to glare mindlessly at the monitor.
“Are you free this evening?”
“Well, I'm quite booked, I believe. Why do you ask?”
I was surprised at her curt, dry tone. She hadn't spoken with me like this since we first got to know one another.
“Well,” I started. “I realized something. Every time we went out, whether it was clubbing, or dinner, or even walking around the parks, you always footed the bill. And so…”
Slowly, her other ear perked up and I saw her keystrokes slow down as she listened in.
“I wanted to return the favor?”
Her lips smacked as she opened her mouth, though paused before she spoke. “How could you possibly do that?”
“With a little gesture of friendship.”
Nampi's horizontal pupil turned up toward me and her tail twitched.
I continued, “So that belt you're wearing? It's the same belt you've worn since we first met. And I know you're the pragmatic type who'd never spend a credit more than she needs to, except for all the times you do"- her ears twitched in indignance -"I wanted to see about getting you a little something… extra?”
Her paws raised from the keyboard and she leaned in, resting her snout on her palms. “Go on.”
The bubbly venlil's tail sold out her collected facade as it twitched with anticipation. She was cornered and she didn't even know it yet.
“Well, I found just the place on the other side of town where we can start. It's a place almost as rich and indulgent as yourself.”
“The Platinum Paw? I mean3”
Her ears folded back in embarrassment as she cracked. She wasn't cut out for acting anyway.
“So that's what it's called! Jeez, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was called. Now what do you say? We go over there and find you something nice—”
I hadn’t even finished my thought before Nampi had grabbed her bag and was out the door, giving me a playful tail flick that said come and get me.

The place I suggested was in a shopping center on the opposite side of town, though easily accessible because of its proximity to the transport rails. Nampi had insisted on grabbing something to eat beforehand and so now gleefully bit into a bundle of stalks that had been “grilled” as explained from the food truck we'd stopped at.
Her tail flicked back and forth with her usual enthusiasm as we entered the massive complex of stores. The roofless plan allowed the natural, orange sun to flood the upper levels while artificial lighting illuminated the ground level wherever the light couldn't reach.
The place was built in the last decade by the previous City Magister in a bid for popularity, though ultimately for naught as he would lose the vote following a scandal involving an iftali priestess and a carved bar of soap. I had to say that despite being sick in the head, he sure had a great sense of decor.
Nampi snacked away, joining me in admiring the scenery as we continued to the place I’d planned out for us. Aimless chatter all melded together into a single, thrumming murmur as pedestrians navigated the many levels and stores offered in the place.
A troupe of children passed by us, held in a chain of tails and arms as they were escorted by a pair of venlil who I assumed were students and teachers on a school trip. I caught a whiff of a sweet, aromatic breeze and found it to come from a perfume shop on the same level as us; naturally, venlil were not to be found inside.
We passed a fountain where a couple sat on the edge, their tails twined together as they giggled and flirted. I turned and caught Nampi watching them as well, though she awkwardly returned to sucking the remains of her meal from her claws when we made eye contact. Her ears lifted when I raised a wing to signal to the store we were going to stop at first.
“Platinum Paw, The Greatest Fashion Emporium For Everyone!”
The title alone was painfully cliche, taken to the tenth power by the brightly lit store taking up three department slots. Despite the flashy exterior, though, it was the best place to shop for belts, brooches, and bracelets alike. Customers who looked like they earned my yearly salary in a week browsed the higher end brands while I brought my friend to the section I wanted to show her.
Her ears were held up as we stood together next to a shelf chock full of fashionable bags and bandoliers of every variety.
“Pick one,” I told her.
Nampi's ears shot to a straight pose in surprise, “Any?”
“Within reason. I've got a few extra credits to blow and I know nobody better to spend it on.”
With an inviting headtilt, I let Nampi peruse the shelves at her leisure. Her lips pursed together and her tail flicked with glee as she fingered at every piece that caught her eye. I chuckled at her outburst of enthusiasm while turning to find my own items to gloss over.
A breeze from outside nipped at my beak while I considered what I’d like to purchase. The place dripped with an atmosphere of faux hospitality, from the bright blue-stained floorboards to the radio prattling off advertisements in a sickeningly sweet tone to the faint, fruity aroma of scented cleaner. It was oppressive as only a fissan-owned company could be to the senses.
What I wouldn’t pay to see how a human would fare in such an environment.
I knew they were social creatures at least, but I had no doubt that the predatory senses of a human, so honed to hunting, would get overstimulated in this center of gaudy indulgence. Knowing I was something of a predator myself made me sympathize provided that even I had to squint to keep the pale lights inside from searing my eyes. I could only imagine how the arboreal eyes of a Terran would fare. I was so lost in thought imagining how lost the Terrans would be that I could almost ignore the obnoxious giggling and metallic rattling coming from behind me.
Risking a peek at the source, into my sight came a pair of venlil, one a male carrying a pair of bags as well as a couple more strapped to his belt. The bored expression in his eyes was not one of a man who was in high spirits. The other venlil was a woman who was the source of the noise.
Her mottled gray pelt was accented by a tasteful belt design, free of almost any practical functions but not flashy or excessive in garnishment either. At least, that’s what I would say, were it not for the braid of beads that dangled on the belt, jingling with each bounce of the lively woman’s stride. It was clear that such a gaudy accessory was intended to draw attention to her, though why was a mystery. Certainly, the shiny braids seemed designed as decoration first and practical second.
She turned about and I faced back to my browsing before she could catch me staring. Nampi was nowhere in sight, though I figured she was somewhere behind the shelf, sifting through every accessory on the section I'd suggested.
Clink.
Something pelted to my immediate right. I tilted my head to spot a tree nut shell clattering to the floor. Without being able to guess where it came from, I had to wonder what could've launched it over this way. Even with my keen eyesight, nobody in the crowd seemed to be a suspect.
Clink.
Another shell pelted my vicinity, ricocheting off of the floor and hitting the shelf I was standing next to. I ruffled my feathers in frustration - clearly, someone was trying to get my attention, though I couldn't make out who it was. Out of the corner of my vision, the woman from before eyed me curiously as I looked about, though I wasn't interested in engaging with her.
Thwack.
One more shell came flying and, unfortunately, the aim on this one was true, nailing me on the beak. Irritated, I stormed out of the store to find the source of the instigator. I scanned over the bodies to find anyone who could've been responsible for this indignity, eventually concluding that it came from the dining area across the walkway.
Whoever was responsible was in for an earful and I was already structuring which of the offender's family members would be acceptable as fodder for stray words. As I approached, I found the tables were mostly empty save for one, which made my heart begin to drop as I met eyes with the only occupant. Suddenly, I was much less inclined to hurl insults.
“Oh, hi there!” Qitel called out in a sickly sweet tone. “Come, take a seat! We have much to discuss!”
The Exterminator clutched a bag of tree nuts in his claws, a pile of discarded shells already gathered on the table next to him. He grabbed another as I approached, effortlessly prying the shell in half between two claws and tossed the contents into his mouth. “Good protein, these,” he commented as I sat down.
“Must be for that good arm you've got there,” I mumbled. I caught sight of a couple of bags beneath his chair, seemingly from one of the tech stores contained within the center.
“Bah, it's guesswork. So how are you? I haven't heard from you since we worked together!”
“I was just spending time with a friend, shopping and enjoying my time off.”
“Your time off? Oh, am I interrupting something?”
His snide tone irked me, though now wasn’t the time for interjections. “You are, Qitel,” I replied with no shortage of vitriol in my tone. “But I see no harm in chatting for a bit.”
“Good, because I have some merchandise”- he reached into his belt pocket and deposited a couple of items onto the table -“and you’re just the person to look into it, human sympathizer.”
I drew a terse breath in shock, but my worries were quelled when I considered that if Qitel had the power to do anything about it, he would’ve done so instead of approaching me so discreetly. A glance down at the item on the table showed that he was presenting what looked to be a tracker as well as a personal drive. “Found in the garbage,” he told me.
“The guild resorts to dumpster diving when they already have such a bloated budget now?”
“No, featherbrain, I have decided to keep this for myself. These items were found together, sealed in a plastic pouch, and placed in a garbage bin. The city has bans against electronics being placed into public bins, and so I was curious why this wound up in there. Managed to get my coworker, a techie, to crack it open and…”
Qitel reached into his belt again, glowering at me with the same condescending gaze he’d given me when I first saw his face. He seemed to revel in digging for the item as slowly as possible to waste my time. Finally, he found whatever he was looking for and revealed it as a printed piece of paper, folded into eighths. The snobby yotul threw the unfurled paper on the table and rolled it toward me.
I craned my neck to look at the parchment, though I was immediately perplexed by the text on it; it appeared to be some sort of form, going by the boxes with words on the inside, followed by blank lines. “Found on the drive, here,” Qitel told me, jabbing a claw to the storage. “Translator shows it as Terran writing.”
Drawing my holopad from my satchel, I held it over the paper with the translator to get an understanding. Surely enough, the language on it came up positive as a variant of Terran writing and I was affirmed in it being a form of some sort based on the wording of the text. The boxes seemed like an odd sort of job application, asking for the typical name, contacts, and prior work experiences, but quickly took a strange turn as it began asking for where their home on Earth was prior to arrival, what family they had on Venlil Prime if any, and where they worked, implying that they were seeking individuals who were already employed.
I knew little about human employment methods, but I didn’t imagine that sourcing individuals from other jobs was the most efficient way to gain a workforce. Terran service industries already dotted the planet while many humans also found work in local environments. So what was the angle that the creator of this application was going for?
Most concerningly was that the paper had no insignia, identifying marks, or noted address to return the form to. “And where did you find it again?”
“In the garbage, alongside this intact tracker that was activated at the time of recovery. Y’know, when I was dumpster diving. Text on the document showed it was addressed to one ‘Choctaw Nexus’.”
“A pseudonym of some sort?”
“Clearly. Short sorting through the archives shows the first name traces back to the group out east - perhaps you've heard about them. How the name and the items we have here are connected is beyond my understanding, but-”
“Well, this has been an absolutely riveting discussion about your collection of trash, Qitel,” I told him as I stood up to leave. “But this really sounds like an issue to be resolved by your fellow guildsmen.”
The sound of another shell splitting rang out as I turned away.
“I'm not through talking with you, predator.”
The sting as a piece nailed me in the back of the head prompted me to whirl back around, sticking my beak in the insolent yotul's snout. “Perhaps you've forgotten, little man,” I cooed in an equally bittersweet tone to the one he gave me before. “The krakotl never had a problem with settling issues the old-fashioned way before the interview. Try me and find out why I'm in the line of work I am.”
“Oh, we wouldn't want that in such a"- he waved his paw to a group of passersby who had stopped to gawk at my display -”public forum. Please, contain yourself.”
I had to force the feathers on my back to settle and I raised my head away from him. “What else is it you wanted, then?”
“Well, I'd appreciate if you took this merchandise off my paws,” he told me as he brushed the electronics and printout toward me.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you're closer to the humans than I'd ever care to be, and may be able to find out who this Choctaw Nexus is. Something about the package just feels… off. And I know when to trust my feelings. Besides, we both know that you know where Tac is, don't we?”
“I don't-”
“We have videographic evidence that you conspired with a human - of the aforementioned squatters, no less - and let the kid escape. You're not as sneaky as you think, and if we find this ‘Choctaw Nexus’ turns out to be a bad actor that can be traced back to them - and by extension, you - well, there’d be no talking down my boss from having you dealt with. By helping me find out who this is, you may yet be able to clear your name of any wrongdoing.”
I clenched my beak tightly to maintain a straight face. Qitel stood up with a flourish and discarded the bag he was carrying in a bin.
“See, the krakotl were never special for using threats and bullying to get results. It's because you were good at killing predators,” he jeered. “Now, if you don't mind, this primitive has appointments to attend to… old lady who got trampled courtesy of the humans and all. You stay out of trouble, Hileen, and stay in touch.”
The self-assured marsupial melded into the crowd in a matter of seconds, leaving me with a table containing dumpster trophies and a pile of shells. Reluctantly, I swept the shells into my wing and dumped them into the bin before gathering the other two items he'd left me and stuffing them into my bag. I'd been gone from Nampi long enough and she would notice my absence before long.
Crossing the walkway again, I could spot from where I stood that Nampi was indeed still in the Platinum Paw. I approached, and soon I found that while she didn't seem to have noticed me stepping away, she was definitely in a soured mood based on the sagging of her ears and tail. With my talons clacking on the floorboards, I hustled to her side and her mood chippered up ever so slightly as she heard me approach.
I chimed in, “Find anything?”
“Everything. I want everything, Red, and I can't decide on what I want. They all just look so great!”
From behind, a voice called out, “Nampi!”
We both jumped at the exclamation and turned about to spot the venlil lady I'd seen before spring from behind the shelf. The man poked his head from behind the shelf too, though less enthusiastically and with yet another bag in his clutches. My friend's eyes widened in surprise with her tail and ears perking up in kind. With a light in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Nalek!”
The two embraced with shrill squeals and laughter as Nalek's accompaniment and I traded awkward glances.
“It's been too long!”
“You never stayed in contact!”
The women exchanged giddy greetings and the pompous stranger turned to me, leering over me as though she was sizing me up.
“Who's your friend here?”
“Oh she's actually my-...”
Nampi paused for a moment, looking back to me.
“Yeah, she's a friend.”
“A friend,” Nalek repeated while her eyes flicked between Nampi and I. “Right.”
Somehow, I get the impression that that was judgemental.
“I'm Hileen, by the way,” I chirped, “if names are to be exchanged.”
“Hileen, that's a lovely name! And such plumage to match, it's a wonder you aren't swarmed by suitors!”
Internally, I groaned at the notion. The idea of being approached by someone to state their interest in me made me queasy, to say the least. Thankfully, I never had that issue growing up as most of the other drakes in school were too busy chasing girls who didn't have a lousy pigmentation mutation such as myself.
“I'm flattered,” I told Nalek before turning to the man whose name had yet to be introduced. “May we get your name?”
“Sask.”
His response was succinct and tonally flat, though there was a brief silence as I expected him to elaborate. Nalek's beads jingled as she lashed him on the calf with her tail.
“I'm Sask, Nalek's fiancée,” he added, throwing her a look to see if she was satisfied.
Nampi gasped with her paws over her snout. “Fiancée! Nalek, you're getting married and you never even told me!”
“Well, I felt a little guilty since it technically broke our pact we made when we were pups. You remember that?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? ‘Let she who bonds through betrothal first be cast out unto the world for all to admonish her!’”
Sask and I both gave inquisitive expressions. “You two spoke like that as pups?” Sask asked.
“Well, I'm paraphrasing,” Nampi admitted with a playful ear waggle. “But you get the gist.”
“Indeed, they do, sweet Nampi. Now, may I ask what you're doing bringing your avian friend here into this store on this fine claw?”
“Oh, no no, she's the one treating me! Isn't that right, Red?”
I saw her tail twitch and was sure it took restraint not to tickle my neck with it as we stood before her old friend.
“She's been a good friend,” I explained. “So I wanted to reverse the roles for once and treat her to something myself.”
Nampi skipped over to me and wrapped her arm around me, glancing back to her old friend. “See? We'd all be so lucky to have a… friend like her.”
“So I've witnessed. But perhaps you're a bit stuck, as I've seen you prancing up and down these aisles for a while, no? Maybe you don't know what you want?”
“Nalek, you know I've never been good about making my mind up.”
“Some things never change, you ditz. Tell you what: you and Sask go find us a seat and we can catch up all we'd like when we're not taking up aisle space, yes? So shoo! I'll help Hileen here pick one out for you!”
With a bored grunt, Sask made off with the goods he had strapped to himself, followed by Nampi who gave me one more playful tail flick before dashing off into the crowd. I looked back to the mottled snout of Nalek who watched her friend wander off with a wistful glance.
“She was my first, you know.”
“Your what now.”
“Love. Way back when we were growing from pups into young adults back in private education, we explored much together. We saw each other through a lot, including the less savory parts of finding a mate. When Nampi realized it wasn't the boys she was into, she turned to me, and I offered my hand as her stalwart companion… to a point.”
“You weren't interested in her the same way?”
“I'd grown up seeing her as a sister of sorts, so ultimately, when we split it off, we stayed close as friends and she never seemed to be bothered by it. She struggled to find others in school who had the same interests as herself, but she never fussed about it.”
Nalek's claws browsed over a set of pouched bandoliers made with intricate embroidering. “Have you two… spent the night together? Alone?”
Spiritually, I reeled from the inquiry. The whiplash from that question was equitable to being smacked by a human. “Wha- why? How's that pertinent to the subject at hand?”
“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me,” she purred with a smug glance my way.
I didn't need to begin to list the different ways such a question was violating to our privacy, and yet this woman was treating it like a game.
“Not really your concern, ma'am.”
Nalek chuckled as she picked out one of the bandoliers and inspected it with her claws. “I'd like to think that she and I still have that old connection, despite everything. And to that end, I know that she's no slag and doesn't trust easy. To see her be so vulnerable around you and to talk so highly of someone who's clearly below her income level as a predator…”
She stretched the bandolier out to appreciate the design in its entirety.
“Well, that's something special. Here"- she foisted the accessory into my wings as I stood gobsmacked -"this just screams her name.”
“This is, like, double my budget.”
“Love don't come cheap, darling. You wanna see good things happen, sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and grasp for it!”
“I'm being lectured by a rich woman on finances.”
“It's a philosophy that goes beyond money, ‘Red.’ The humans have a saying, in their horrendously predatory nomenclature, that contains a kernel of truth: ‘you miss every shot you don't take’.”
Yep, that's definitely a human phrase.
Nalek's steely braid rattled with every flick of the tail as we proceeded through the checkout.
“You want things to change between you and her?” she continued. “Don't just wait for it to happen.”
She let the conversation rest there as we finished the purchase, possibly to let me recuperate mentally from the damage done to my account. Outside, we found our respective partners sitting at a table with Sask looking up in boredom as Nampi chatted away, though she immediately shut up and turned to me with excited flicks of her tail as she saw what I was carrying.
I held it toward her and she happily shot to her feet, effortlessly removing the tags with her claws and clipping it to her belt. Nalek clapped and waggled her tail as the giddy lady did a whirl about to let us admire the accessory. While I'd have preferred one with pockets to give it a more practical use, I decided to let Nalek have the victory as our mutual friend clearly enjoyed it.
The rest of the paw was a blur as the two friends chatted without end until Sask eventually reminded his betrothed that they had a schedule to attend to. Though Nalek offered to call us a taxi home as a gesture of kindness, I saw through her ruse to determine that she was trying to pull a fast one on me - the clever ear flick she gave as we boarded the automated vehicle sold it for me.
We sat in the seats as the vehicle took the express ride home.
Nampi cleared her throat before she spoke, “Thank you for taking some time to spend with me, I know you've had a lot less free time as of late.”
“It's a prison of my own design, if I must be honest. A feedback loop of working a job that doesn't guarantee a paycheck to pay for rent that keeps going up, and thus needing to work more.”
The venlil giggled and chided me, “You really should've stayed in university.”
“There's a lotta 'should haves’ that've led me to this point. No use wondering what could have been.”
“There's always a use for wondering what could have been, Hileen.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Every decision I make, I always wonder what I could've done differently that it'd have turned out better,” she explained as she waved her free paw to the sky. “It's how you grow as a person, Red.”
Her silky pelt felt heavenly in contrast to the chilly air from outside, making it hard to let her words sink in.
“You rich types seem chock full of philosophy. I wonder if I'll become a brooding orator when I get some cash to my name.”
The cab filled with laughter as we veered around the final corner to my neighborhood, as it was the closest stop. The door popped open accompanied by a chime from the drone, signaling for me to depart.
But before my talons could even hit the pavement, I felt Nampi's scrawny arms wrap around my waist and she let out a pitiful mewl again.
“You don't need to get off here,” she told me with a pouty expression. “We can spend the rest of the paw at my place.”
“I'd love it, but I need to water my plants and get the month's bills sorted before they're due. Again.”
One claw at a time, I plucked her paws from around my waist and the childish venlil conceded, giving me another ear waggle as I departed. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I asked her.
“If you still have eyes by then, then you can bet your ass!”
“I still don't gamble.”
“You'll come around to it eventually.”
I shut the door to the taxi and watched as it carted away the one venlil who I ever truly felt on the same wavelength as. Fiddling with the lock felt like more of a chore than usual at this time as I felt a little voice tugging at the back of my head.
“You miss every shot you don't take.”
The lock felt jammed as I began to jiggle it more vigorously with the electric key. Either the RFID or NFC readers were messed up, as the lock refused to accept my key. I looked up and down the street, though Nampi was now long gone for me to rescind my earlier rejection.
“Every decision I make, I wonder what I could've done differently.”
The door rattled as I grew more and more infuriated with the lock. Qitel's smug expression as he threatened me so boldly in public played back in my head, and I wondered what would've happened had I decided to go through with insulting his mother. Better yet, I wondered what could've been had I not backed down in the face of his unflinching confidence.
Bzzt. The lock rejected my key again.
“Raagh! You fucking useless hunk of junk!”
I squawked in anger and kicked against the door, careless of the consequences of having Markol back down here to admonish another of his tenants for causing a ruckus. The walls were surprisingly sturdy for how ineffective the venlil architecture looked on the surface and I reeled back in pain as my leg throbbed.
Click.
I looked to my left to see that it wasn't my door that came open, but that of the twins. The door cracked open ever so slightly, no doubt nudged by the force of my tirade and I sighed. Nobody was expected to be home at this time, with Vili being away and Luka leaving early to get a head start.
Luka had been given a stern talking-to by the landlord for allowing one of those cats into his apartment through neglect, and I was disappointed that he seemed to have not learned his lesson this time. In fact, it seemed he hadn't even thought to lock the door this time.
I took it upon myself to shut the door for him before turning back to my own apartment door. Grasping the key with one talon, I turned it ever so gently, though the lock still refused to give in.
With a bit more force, the torsion applied to the key felt as though it should've snapped it by now. Markol sure didn't waste any expense for the security for this place, doubtlessly as a result of his history in electronic security, but I wished now that he had provided a way in that didn't rely on privately sourced locks.
Considering my options as I stood trapped outside, I realized that I had never gotten around to paying for a new lock for Tadi. I'd considered contacting her to inform her that Tac had made it out of town safely, but that'd involve also telling her that her son was now in the care of humans as if that was a better outcome to her.
Stepping out front, I realized that there was one more option I hadn't considered: my window. I usually forgot to lock it after I was through letting air circulate and I was silently grateful to myself for this absentmindedness now more than ever. Sticking a foot on the threshold, I lifted myself in a way that'd allow me to have leverage to force the window open.
The window made me fight for every inch, but I felt a strange satisfaction as it slowly opened up into an entrance that I could squeeze my way through. I let out a sigh as my talons clicked against the cool floor and slid the window shut.
I laid my satchel on the couch and turned back to the door, ready to unleash my fury on the disobedient object. But as I reached for the lock to manually open the door, I noted that the lights on the RFID interface both flashed at once, blinking erratically. Red and green flickered without rhyme or reason, indicating that it was both active and inactive.
As pretty as the colors were, I now knew that Markol's locks were not as reliable as he had touted them about: typically, such would not occur unless the device was damaged deliberately, and yet nothing indicated that I'd had uninvited guests. One could pray that those cats didn't secretly know how to cobble together an ECM jammer, but my personal wager was on faulty equipment.
Settling in, I browsed my favorite soaps on the television. For what was intended to be a day of relaxation and show of affection for a friend, I found myself rather wound up over all the things that added up. Couples threw around flowery words and swooned over one another on screen as I felt the tension diffuse. My holopad rang and I turned it over to spot that Nampi was informing me that she'd arrived home safely.
>>> Feels empty here, all alone.
She made sure to drive the point home with a sticker of a venlil making a pouty expression.
Next time, I thought to myself, I'll get it right for you, Nampi.
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