You know... had to find a place and there is a subreddit for everything. Glad I found this place. I'm just going to write because I want to beat the living shit out of this man every time I see him and I need to calm my ass down. My left leg is itching to land a roundhouse on this man.
A few months ago, I was talking about cars with a neighbor who lived across the street from me. We usually have talks about his car, my car, and my bike, and we talk about old-school cars. Just one dude having a fun conversation with another.
I had left my garage open, and my dogs. I have 2 of them. One I rescued from a family who couldn't keep it. The other landed on my lap and I've been taking care of it and is now considered my own.
Well, these 2 got out, and started roaming around about 70 ft from my property. Started sniffing around and found the scent of another dog and was curious. I didn't notice this at first of course.
They end up in this man's front yard. Who knows maybe they marked their territory a little drizzle here and there on their grass. Anyway, this man comes out and starts yelling "Get your dog off my yard". I didn't hear him at first or could make out what he was saying, and I realized my dogs had gotten out. I call my dogs, and they are well-trained, they both respond quickly and come running back.
I was a bit offended damn man. They meant no harm. Don't have to yell and shit you know. They are smelling another dog. They are interested in finding out more about this other animal that took a shit and piss in your yard. That's what dogs do. Anyway, I yelled back sorry! I meant it, I was sincere about it. I even started walking over there to show concern of course. He does not respond to me other than saying loudly, "Leash your dog". At that point, I'm over it, my buddy and I crack some jokes about the dude to laugh it off.
Like wtf got up this guy ass at 9 pm? Do you stare out the window all night looking for dogs that may end up in your front yard? We have a good laugh and we talk some more car, my dogs are cool with my buddy. Animals know instinctively who is friendly and who isn't. Oddly that's what I've noticed.
The next morning, after I have taken my kids to school. This jackass walks up to me in his version of workout clothes. I have never seen him ever since I've been taking my kids to school every morning but today was a special day. He has his airpods on, sneakers, and running shorts. Then he comes up to me and talks some mad shit. He's obviously spent the entire night thinking about how he's going to put me in my place or some shit. I just tell the guy to walk away. He says to me "What are you going to do about it?" Say what? What is this? Do what, I asked you to get out of my face right?
Jesus man... this dude, is pushing like the mid-50s to early 60's. I'm younger obviously, I'm thinking you trying to go toe to toe? I tell him to walk away. He tells me his wife is Korean and I'm Korean so he's trying to make some level of connection here, implying he knows something about my culture and he is disappointed as he should know there is some level of cultural impact I should have being a Korean and the way I have responded to him is not to his liking. Thus, I must show some level of respect or bend a knee or some weird shit, as if he understood Koreans to be something different than I am. Entitled as fuck this guy. He wants to feel superior and wants to be bowed down to. A total sense of entitlement right? Superiority complex of some kind. Fuck he annoys the fuck out of me. I keep calm and tell him to get the fuck out of my face but nicer. "Just leave man, no need for you to be in front of me, just gotta go move along," is what I told him.
No offense but I'm looking at this white dude here, and look I can say it because my uncle is white, married my aunt and we had a great relationship. No disrespect but who the fuck is this dude to start bringing up Korean this Korean that, we're in the US man. He acts disrespectful to me and gives me the middle finger as he walks away after me telling the guy on at least four other occasions to get going and stay out and away from my personal space. I'm like whatever, I'm over it. He means nothing really. He means less to me than let's say, a piece of rubber or something. I could care less.
Then he went ahead and told the HOA that my dogs had taken multiple shits in his yard, and I have never bothered to pick up after them. I make sure to pick up shit especially if it's on someone else's yard right. Of course, I respond back to HOA, and tell them, they got bigger things to worry about and they really have bigger shit to worry about than some bs complaint.
I'm sure that got that little ball sack of low-life fucking pissed right. I mean I got 2 tiny dogs. Each weighs less than 10lbs. One is around 6 lbs other is around 7.5 lbs. They are not fucking pit bulls here. Apparently, he also said my dogs were vicious.
That never went far. Anyway, yesterday, my kids got home from school, they wanted to visit a neighborhood friend and left the garage open. A lady was walking by. She was Asian, I can tell. How? I have cameras. I was also upstairs and looked out my window which is directly above the garage because I didn't hear the garage door close.
Well these 2 little shits went barking at her. She didn't flinch just kept on walking. I tell the kids close the garage. Today the big man over there and another lady who lives across the street from him, (I suppose birds of a feather flock together) rang my doorbell after I dropped my son off at school. I come downstairs, and this asshole pounds my door to show his impatience. I'm thinking cops? I open the door it's this asshole and his neighborhood lady friend.
I ask them what's the visit for, she tells me that when she was walking yesterday, my dogs "attacked" her and the dickhead standing next to her adds more dramatic impact and says, they even bit her. I'm fucking laughing inside. I saw the whole thing myself from upstairs. The lady my dogs barked at was Asian, her hair was black, I can still see her face from my upstairs bedroom window. I saw my dogs run up and bark at her and sniff her shoes and bark some more before my kids called them in. This lady was covered in long white sleeve and long white walking pants, white sneakers, a hat to cover the sun, and a face mask because she's Asian of course and we all hate the sun. Her walking stature was that of a woman in her mid 40 to 50's, and this lady in front of me that was supposedly attacked was again not Asian, and the lady claiming that she got attacked is about 30 years older, not even capable of walking no more than 200 feet from her property. She does not wear walking attire obviously made in China or Korea. I know because I'm Korean and older women wear exactly that type of clothing in Korea or Asia when they walk in daylight. They like to avoid the sun, but get their walks in. Jesus.... the fucking lies in this shit is humor at this point.
The lady in front of me is too old, let alone is capable to walk past my property or take daily walks. I work at home remotely man, I would have noticed if this lady was to type to take walks at 3 pm. I pick my kids up and I'm active outside during that time.
This lying POS goes a bit further and says, he thinks my dogs even broke skin. I look at her finger. I see nothing. No bite marks nothing, not even a scratch. No blood. Just straight-up lies. I apologize to the lady regardless. I tell her I'll cover her medical expenses (which means medical report, and doctor bill) she stutters a little, says no need. If she broke skin, and my dogs bit her, she would be at my house the minute it happened. Fucking lying ass dumb idiots. This man now dragged this lady into his lies you know.
Then I look at this mother fucker in the eye and my fucking legs are twitching, and in my mind, I want to land a roundhouse, I gauged the distance, and it would land on the right side of his face. Shit would have been a 10/10 perfect kick I'm thinking.... yea dipshit, something else you should know about Koreans, most of us take some sort of martial arts early in our youth and that never really stops. Seeing how you say you know so much about my culture, did that not enter your fucking head?
Anyway, I look at this sorry excuse for a man, a fucking coward and I ask him why he's here? If the lady is the one who got bit, then perhaps this is between me and her, right? He says he's there with her because he cares. Like hell, you do. You dragged this lady in your lies and she's going along with you but it's not the truth. You sorry ass POS, now dragged another individual into your BS. You still can't get over our last encounter and you are dying to come over and start some new shit. I asked you to walk away, but you didn't like it. You felt disrespected. In your spare time, you've been scheming ways to get back because you were never satisfied.
Anyway, he brings my dogs up again and says he'll call the police. I tell him to do what he's gotta do. That pissed him off because I called his bluff and he can't pull through and execute. I'm fucking with his ability to do anything about it. He now feels small again.
He said I should leave the neighborhood. I bought this fucking house, so I tell him you have money? You wanna buy me out? He has none, he says, "I don't want another house" Okay well then shut the fuck up right. I tell him at this point he should leave. The audacity of this little shitbag to tell me to move out of my own house is something else. Once again this sense of entitlement, where do you get it from?
Anyway, he's giving me the middle finger this whole time like a bitch hiding behind his safety blanket or something right. He's doing all kinds of weird shit right now. Like throws both fingers up, turns around does a 180, and gives me another two fingers. He's doing this like 10 times. What the fuck is wrong with this guy right? In front of the old lady which he seemed to have convinced to carry out the lies with him. I can tell at this point, she's about had it. She no longer wants to be involved. Again, if a person got bit by a "vicious dog" and was bleeding, she would not have acted this way right? She got called out on her hand, she tried to play along with his lead, how my dogs broke the skin, getting bit by them... all that, but she's got no bite marks, and my dogs don't bite. I know this. At the end she tells me she doesn't want my dogs on her yard, but she's okay with other dogs on her yard. So it's a personal thing, okay no worries I tell her.
Then he brings up the culture thing again. "You know my wife is Korean.... she's disgusted with you...blah blah" I respond, "I am Korean and my entire family is Korean and they would be disgusted with you," and then I tell him, "You don't understand us Koreans, we have mutual respect and honor, you have none, and that's why you're not getting any"
Guy walks away looking as small as he is, caught in his lies. When I knew all along what happened, his face turns fucking tomato red. Just what the fuck? How sick is this guy in the head? Anyway, I don't expect anything, just thought I'd write, for the internet and the entire world.

He left because we had the worst possible fight in history (I take full blame because I took it completely too far and was super toxic during it by disrespecting his belongings and destroying 3 of his things which I will forever regret). I’ve been going to therapy and been practicing meditation to find balance in my emotions and feelings because I would never want to hold in that much anger and explode like that to anyone. After the situation he was very cold and rude to me (which is understandable) in the first few weeks and after a few attempts to talk to him have failed and he seemed very detached, I told him I am just going to have to also detach and move on from him. He ended up sending me 3-4 super long paragraphs about how I wouldn’t be saying that if he would’ve just “packed all his things and moved back” and continued to pour his heart out to me about how damaging the situation was for him. It just seemed like he was mad that I would say I would have to move forward. He definitely made me feel sick to my stomach with his messages because I feel so horrible about my actions and I seen how much he put me first and I completely let him down. That is why I started therapy so I can become a better girlfriend to him and a better person in general, I wouldn’t even do what I did to the next person if there would be one. After that convo, I thanked him for expressing his genuine feelings and apologized wholeheartedly once again and he’s been nice to me ever since. I really do love him with all of my heart and I really want to remove him from his depression since he’s back in his mother’s house and I want us to move forward together from this situation. He still tells me he loves me and I just know if he moves back we would be the strongest we have ever been. 10 year relationship, he’s the only man I’ve ever been with, he’s my first in everything. I would never want to go through this again and I would never in life want him to go through this again. Fuck how I feel, it’s him that I am more concerned about. I really want to make him happy and show him that he means the world to me and I’ll do whatever I can to prove it to him every day he lives here. Would you take that leap of faith with moving back to a place where you wanted to make it a home with someone you love? Is there still hope for us?

Am I a bad person for not loving my younger sister? I know you’re supposed to love your siblings, but I just can’t bring myself to. And people always say “oh you say you don’t like her but you know you love her” but I really don’t, the feelings never there. Everytime she says something I’m just thinking “shut the fuck up” and I feel so bad for thinking that.
Some things that just make the feeling worse is when I’m talking to someone and she jumps into the conversation. Or when she tries to be me and dress and act like me I just really hate it. She also always has something negative to say about me and if I say just one thing back, she paints me as the bad guy. I don’t know what to do about this feeling and I need to know if anyone else ever felt like this with their younger siblings?

Last updated 5/21/24 (Any updated servers at bottom)
Anyone stumbling upon this: About 3 months ago I literally went through every single community server, empty/full/whatever, and added any that sounded interesting, and didn't have crazy ping to Favorites (My region is Northeast US (NJ), FYI). I repeated the process twice. There are still a bunch of good ones out there (I've also had many solid ones in my favs for quite some time) I don't know if anyone cares but been around since Beta & have run a server before.
For reference:

• Good servers (to me): Emphasis on not being a dickhead, actually gets players, if running custom content it has to be tastefully done, not bloated & tacky, ping <100, anti-teamstacking measures
• "Bad" servers/what will not be here ( again this is just my opinion, also a couple exceptions ): Instant Respawn, 1 map or game mode only, more than 32 players, RTD, "friendly"/no combat servers, unmoderated racist/toxic BS
• Servers/settings I'm indifferent towards: Crits/Nocrits, Vanilla vs. Custom, Average skill level, 24 vs. 32 player, NSFW sprays, centered around niche/"weird" fandoms, Bullet/Damagespread, Class limits

Scroll down a few lines to my "To keep it simple..." header for the best ones. The following link is a much fuller list:

• Green line ones are my seal of approval
• Pink line ones I either haven't checked out as much but seem to be ok, or have 1 big issue or 2 I think holds them back from being fully recommended
• No underline = probably seemed interesting, haven't checked out at all, or never gets full

Full server list: https://i.imgur.com/qY2gCH9.png

To keep it simple, I think the best ones right now (for me are):

tiny kitty's girl pound - friendly community, runs really solid, nice-looking custom maps, Meme Maps Wednesday is a blast, always has people in it, just be wary of nsfw furry sprays (yeah I know...put cl_spraydisable 1 in console to disable)
1st server: 74.91.115.12:27015 2nd server: 74.91.113.115:27015
OPRAH's PETROL STATION - Friendly community, always has people in it, no goofy Instant Respawn which has no place in payload yet half of all community server owners see fit to do that, pre-round scramble
108.181.63.51:27015
-EOTL- Payload - same deal
74.91.114.223:27015
redsun.tf - This community is the poster child for tastefully modded custom game modes, and is very active. It's very well maintained & polished and even though I may not enjoy every game mode I've been very impressed by this server network (esp. as a former highly-modded community server owner). The EU one fills up most of the time, and I deal with the ping because it's a cool community (it even runs a Battle Royale mode that is surprisingly well-made). Their server "shop" is extremely impressive with the amount of customization available (Taunts, player skins, custom voicelines). I'd recommend downloading their asset pack here as it's fairly sizeable to DL upon server connect:
EU (actually gets players): 141.95.28.56:27015 US: 66.206.13.139:27015
Trigger Happy Gamers (EU) - Trigger Happy Gamers have been around forever and even though they are in the UK I deal with the ping to play with them because they are an awesome, fun, friendly community. Their main server gets reliably full from around 1 PM - 3 PM EST every day, and on the weekends a little longer. Their Nocrits server also gets full Saturday
main: 87.98.254.85:27015 Nocrits (gets full Saturdays @ 1 PM - 2 PM): 87.98.254.85:27025
Fucked in the Head - Another community that has been around forever. To be honest, they have equal respawn on Red & Blu, even for Payload, which I hate with a searing passion, HOWEVER, the regulars are entertaining af and give off vibes of drunk buddies goofing off and not giving a fuck that it almost offsets it. It's also decently populated.
216.52.148.223:27015
Skial Payload & Casual servers * - I never got the hate for this server network, decent spawn times, Halloween mode year round, no power tripping admins, feels like a bunch of randoms having a good time. You can also equip any weapon or cosmetic. The Payload+ EU in particular has some really chill/cool regulars, Dustbowl+ US some interesting/funny peeps. Payload US generally decent also. Their Autoscramble is also on point.
Payload+ EU 91.216.250.226:27015 Payload+ US 91.216.250.11:27015 Dustbowl+ US * (has become very stack-prone lately) 91.216.250.12:27015 ~~~~~
~Trying to get the word out that unlike their other servers, Casual is very barebones- no Instant Respawn, no RTD, normal map pool:
Casual NY 91.216.250.34:27015 Casual US 91.216.250.40:27015 Casual LA 91.216.250.21:27015 ~~~~~ Harvest (32-pl), also: 91.216.250.18:27015 ~~~~~
If you are super super new, their server network might be worth checking out, even if RTD, 2fort & other weird mods aren't my cup of tea: https://www.skial.com/servers/
Uncletopia - Pretty standard Casual experience except the skill level is generally higher, though it seems to be evening out honestly. And tbh from my experience people in these servers seem pretty cool. If you're looking for Vanilla I'd say this is your best bet.
https://uncletopia.com/servers
Southern Cross Gaming (Rainbow Swirl in particular) - Stumbled across this & played 1 round with these guys running a cool custom mode but apparently they run stock maps as well as custom maps/game modes. Their rules had a huge emphasis on keeping it fun & being respectful and everyone seemed really cool & laidback. It was full at peak time on the weekend. They also have other servers, even in other games & seem to have been around awhile:
IP: furfortress.com:27016 Site: https://www.scg.wtf/servers#team_fortress_2
ciggyland 18+ LGBT+ Furry server run by puppygirls
Funny, chill vibes, lots of custom maps. Seems to get full around peak time. Another diamond in the rough I discovered recently.
74.91.115.82:27015
Bad Weapon Rehabilitation (Vanilla US)
A really solid rebalancing of all weapons in-game. Nothing really feels overpowered or underpowered anymore, also fun things like flames stay on surfaces & I think spy or engy can radar enemies within a few feet or something to his team? It's really fun and gets full. Here's the site with IPs and stuff (The US server gets full around peak time, esp. on weekends)
74.91.126.159:27015
redstar.gg - Arena server, the owner ComradeYazoo seems pretty dedicated to starting it up and I hop in whenever I can. Believe it or not it's still very fun with little people but it's gotten pretty packed a couple times. It also has like every good custom arena map, and scrambles if a team wins 3 in a row. North America I believe.
204.12.240.186:27015
Step in the Arena - Another Arena server I see get randomly populated on Saturday into Sundays around 11 P.M. - 2 A.M. EST. Probably missing a Discord announcement or something from a group of buddies.
172.240.237.2:27015
The Furry Pound - Some people list this one as one of the best non-UT for Vanilla TF2, however the one time I decided to give it a try I was met with some weird overly dramatic BS happening in Voice chat, and I heard someone else give a similar criticism the other day here. BUT, I've also seen people say they're ok. Might depend on what players/admins are on maybe, IDK:
Main server: thefurrypound.org:27015
shounic trenches (100-player TF2) - This goes against everything in my being but it's so unique and while not my cup of tea it's definitely a bunch of others'. Some maps such as pl_dbz_b5 & pl_dustbowl were created for this player count & people seem to have a lot of fun there. Again, I think 100 players is too much but I can't argue with how popular it is.
45.62.160.71:27015
UGC High Tower servers - They run no carts, so it's the TDM High Tower everyone's always dreamed of. They also run Instant Respawn and on any other map I hate that setting with a searing passion but because it's reworked as TDM I feel it actually improves the gameplay (put "high tower" including the space, and without quotes in the search box for a list of 'em in the following link):
https://www.ugc-gaming.net/servers/tf2/
UGC also runs other servers which I cannot vouch for but might be worth looking into.
Tropic Crisis Official Servers (NA, SA, EU)
These are the official servers for the Tropic Crisis project which is very very cool. I looked up their stats and most get full around standard peak hours.
Atlanta 155.138.213.202:27015 São Paulo 216.238.106.29:27015 Minsk 86.57.152.101:27025 Buenos Ares 45.235.99.105:27038
UEAKCrash's House of Nerds - official server of the mapmaker responsible for several very fun official maps. Runs a lot of very cool custom maps, Gets full on Fri, Sat night (must have a Discord/Twitch announcement I'd assume).
74.91.124.162:27015
Wolves Den - I'm going to make an exception to the "no "friendly"/non-combat server" thing (even though people seem down for combat ~50% of the time) because everyone just always seems to be having fun here. If you want to just screw around on interesting trade-type maps this is the place. Plus they have hilarious custom player models like velociraptors. (Has RTD)
162.248.92.33:27015
Samwiz1's Stupid Server - Another server I feel obligated to mention despite feeling like it's too much personally. Very goofy and people seem to have fun there.
173.237.52.135:27015
Swoocehut 2024 Workshop - Seems to be tied to a Discord as far as getting full, but runs a lot of custom maps apparently:
149.28.248.101:27015 Discord: https://swoocehut.com/discord Map rotation: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2802508136
swagtown epic maps only no random crits 18+ - Suggested by someone on Steam Discussions. Looks alright- seems tied to a Discord as far as getting players, but got full last Tuesday @ standard peak hours. Looks like it runs stock & custom maps.
79.127.234.193:22136 Discord: [https://discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8](discord.gg/DTH3sMWsH8)
TF2's Official VS Saxton Hale LOOS - 'Nuff said. Very laidback goofy atmosphere.
205.178.177.24:27027
GFL Clan (maybe???) - Someone said these guys are chill too, though I hate 2fort with a passion:
https://gflclan.com/forum/26-team-fortress-2/
Kogasatopia if you're desperate. They run some really fun mods, and solid (especially good gimmicky) custom maps, but their community is 4chan edgelords that like to say racial slurs. However their server is almost always full of people. Again, if you're truly desperate. Just mute chat & voice I guess by entering this in console (replace with 1's to re-enable)- hud_saytext_time 0;voice_enable 0
74.91.116.171:27015
The Weeabootique if you're desperate. Pretty much the same description as above. Mute chat & voice by entering this in console (replace with 1's to re-enable)- hud_saytext_time 0;voice_enable 0
198.245.61.57:27015
Custom Weapons servers (including a guide to the best one via TF2Classic)
More Arena Servers
pic of a dog

What does he (26m) want from me? (20f)
Me (20f) and this guy (26m) have been seeing each other for almost two years now. We started sleeping together and he ended it about a month or two in, telling me we both knew it was going nowhere and he didn’t want any feelings developing and hurt coming from it. This was fine, i just continued on with things and didn’t contact him. Then two weeks later we ended up seeing each other again on a night out and he told me he missed me and invited me to stay with him that night which i did. We continued on again for another couple of months, seeing each other often and sending long messages every day. Then I ended up finishing things as he got very intoxicated one night while i was home, rung me and then attempted to drive to my house. I was terrified he would hurt himself or someone else and managed to convince him to go home, which he reacted to rather badly in the state he was in. I texted him the next day and told him we should stop seeing each other because stuff like this cannot happen and he agreed and apologised. Didn’t see each other for two months, bumped into each other again on another night out. He was extremely apologetic, told me how much he missed me and how I was the first girl in a long time he had felt this way about. We ended up sleeping together again, this continued AGAIN for a few months until a massive argument around Christmas. He accused me of seeing another boy which, while that wasn’t the case, I felt was unfair regardless as he never asked me to be his girlfriend and i know for a fact hes at least kissed other girls while doing this with me. We didn’t talk for a few days but we’ve fallen back into this pattern again now of talking all the time and sleeping together after nights out. At this point, I do understand it’s just as much my fault as his but I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve told each other we love each other but frankly it’s not enough and he freezes up anytime I look for any form of commitment from him. I have never drunk called or texted him and yet he is constantly doing that to me, telling me he dreams about me every night, how I’m the only girl to have this affect on him and things of a similar nature. I just cannot figure out what is going on in his head and he won’t tell me.
TL;DR: on and off again with this boy for two years, he says hes in love with me, consistently comes back to me and yet doesn’t seem to want a relationship. but doesn’t want me in a relationship with anyone else.

I know this might not be a popular perspective on Reddit, but I'm wondering if there are other people out there who have the same values (especially freedom of speech). We could chat about the decline of the internet, for those who prefer keyboards to phones and feel left behind by all the change. Or we could talk about anime, video games, or music. I'm partial to sharing music since my library is kind of small and recommendations from real people tend to be better than on Spotify.
I try my best to stay positive but I can't really deny that it's gotten harder as I've gotten older (I'm 31), and especially post-Covid. Some people might find it pathetic to have made it to 30 and not have friends, but a lot of people find themselves in this position these days. I'm reading Bowling Alone - Robert Putnam right now and it's such a shame that western society has ended up prioritizing things like car-dependent cities and hyper-individualism.
So yeah, overall I'm not an exciting person and I feel pretty low much of the time. But I think the benefit of that is that I try harder to understand what people are going through on their end, and if you're a bit boring yourself, that doesn't really matter. You can send a DM if you want to say hi.

At the fisrt, sorry for my english, i'm a little oxidated, but i'll try my best. (it's not my original lenguaje)
But first, a little of context:
It's an story by 7 years. I did meet my (not still) ex-husband on a convention of Anime, i did in cossplayed by Electra and he was Tony Stark, he was had a girlfriend and I was in a toxit relationship (story i'll tell in other time). But in that day, i swear, i did wish had him, i did fall in love. We talk just a little moment, we take a photograph and we keep going with our lives.
One year latter, when i'd brake up my relationship, i fall down in a horrible depression and 1 try to unsiscribe by the life. I'd try to grow up and join a group of single peopple just search fun. I'd was surprised to find that boy again in that group.
Uno month latter, we'd be in a relationship. After two years, we was marrige. Whitout anything more than love, we start this new stage, in the night of weddings, i got pregnant.
At that moment, i wasn´t know i had anxiety and depression cronique, and during pregnancy it only gets worse, and our relationship wasn't the best, we fight a lot, especially because I felt very unprotected by my partner: when we went out there were men who made bad comments to me and I even had to walk home alone after work, not to mention that there were a couple of occasions in which, due to the times , I could only prepare food and run to work, without eating a bite, to be surprised when I returned that he alone finished the food without leaving me anything.
Added to that, the first four months of pregnancy and marriage, he was without work, I had to take care of the household alone; Added to this, to lighten the burden a little, a relative did us the favor of renting us well below the value he had, his house which was uninhabited. Imagine my shame when he asked for the rent and I didn't have the money to pay because my husband didn't go out looking for work. If they hadn't given him an ultimatum, he would have spent years like this, until he asked for a job at the only company where they don't fire anyone.
All of this caused me to spend the entire pregnancy stressed and worried.
The last straw was the day my baby was born, which coincided with my husband's birthday. I had a complicated birth, in which they had to do an emergency procedure: I was hospitalized for two full days, alone, without eating or drinking anything (For those who don't know, the medical service in Mexico is beyond terrible). Not to make it long, my birth was more than complicated; and my mortification was no less when all my relatives, when they were able to come see me, kept telling me how mortified they were, on the other hand my husband looked like a child at Christmas because they brought him gifts for his birthday, even my best friend from school.
When my baby was born, I was aware that I wasn't feeling well, so I decided to take some time to recover before returning to work. And for those who are wondering, it's not like I had a great job, our economic position was not good at all, but my depression only got worse since my baby was born, the complications of childbirth made me feel terribly guilty just thinking about it. that something could have happened to my baby.
Day after day, even though I did not work and did not contribute financially to the house, I made an effort to ensure that the little money that came into the house was enough for everything: milk, diapers and food. Despite everything, I always made sure to prepare a good breakfast and lunch for my husband to take to work, I got up before him so I could have that attention with him; Imagine my disappointment when he often returned with the food intact from when she prepared it for him and told me that he had preferred to buy something to eat. This only made me feel like I was useless. Added to the fact that on more than one occasion he even left the front door of the house open for us: a woman who had just had surgery and a newborn baby, in a neighborhood where, in open secret, it was hot for organized crime, added to the fact that I I felt insecure around him.
My family kept making comments to me about how bad my husband felt for me, how bad I looked (comments that I questioned, because my family never liked my husband). Despite the bad things, he had his attempts to be thoughtful and considerate (in the wrong way or causing me more problems, but I understood that it was his way of showing that he cared).
This was when I began to understand that my husband was like that, disconnected from reality, it was his shell of protection since he practically grew up in foster homes with "relatives" or "acquaintances", many of them were very violent and mistreated him, making him feel alone and vulnerable. I learned much of this from him, the rest his mother herself came to tell me and the rest was a matter of adding 2 + 2.
When I assimilated this and that the situation would not improve, when my baby turned 9 months old, I decided to look for a job, fortunately I found a way to work from what I studied (because yes, I have a degree), and with very humanitarian bosses. those who didn't even mind me occasionally taking my baby to teach classes with me (because yes, I ended up teaching at a basic level). Thanks to this, the situation at home improved a little, but the arguments did not stop over small things, more than anything everything he did or did not do bothered me. I guess it was because of the exhaustion of dealing with everything alone, and for anyone wondering, no, he practically didn't help me with the baby issues; With the household chores (just washing the dishes and sometimes sweeping the common areas), I took care of the rest, in addition to always making sure the house was safe for a one-year-old baby.
One of the breaking points for me (this occurs in the dark time of the pandemic when we all lock ourselves at home), your company was one of the last to send them to rest, however, since my sector was related to dealing with children, I was one of the first sectors to confine themselves to home, so now I was doing homme office. One morning I realized that the man not only lost the keys to the house, but he took mine to leave, locked them and left them stuck outside the door, leaving me locked in with my baby without the possibility of getting out if anything arose. emergency. If it hadn't been for my father, who came to visit me to see how he was doing, who knows what would have happened. Get an idea of ​​how little he cared about the safety of his family.
These, among other things, added up over the years, until I began to ask him, as a last chance to save our marriage (because at this point, I felt broken and discouraged), I insisted that we seek help, couples therapy or at least individual therapy, but he didn't listen to me or wasn't interested. Until the first time I packed my and my baby's things, he realized that I was serious and that I would leave him, he still didn't want therapy, not even when I was honest with him and told him that there were many things that I couldn't do. forgive him, especially for the pregnancy; What did happen was that he began to collaborate more at home and finally began to take responsibilities with our son.
The facts:
What ended up being the final break was a day of extreme heat, where the weather was useless and there were no technicians operating in the area. My son, now 3 years old, is very hot and in any heat his nose tends to bleed a lot, especially that weekend he was very tired, despite that, the only solution I could think of was to put the pool inside the house ( to avoid having it under the sun), I clarify that at that time we lived in a small two-bedroom apartment, which yes, I admit was an impractical solution but it was the only thing that occurred to me. Even before I did it, I notified him of what I was trying to do, not to ask for permission, but just to notify him so he wouldn't be taken by surprise.
When he got home, he didn't say hello, he didn't say anything, he just left his things and left the house to get a taxi. When I caught up with him to ask him, he said he was going to his mother's house to get an air conditioning unit that he planned to bring to install to solve the problem, to which I gave him my list of problems with it, because we didn't have permission to make modifications to begin with. Thus in the department, adding the amount of electricity it used, transportation, among others. To which he also responded with his list of drawbacks that he saw with my solution. The point is that the argument escalated and ended with him throwing the water into the garden and me locking myself in the room with my daughter, enduring the heat of the day.
Neither of us spoke to each other the rest of the day, in the morning, the first thing I did was pack my things and my baby's things discreetly. I called my parents to tell them what had happened and they were more than willing to receive us (something that did not make me so calm because, yes, one of the reasons why I married him in a hurry was that my parents were a cornerstone of my anxiety and depression).
The next night, with my things packed, I waited for my husband to drop the bomb, tell him that he was leaving with our son, he cried a lot, he begged me for another chance; That time I didn't shed a single tear, not because I didn't love him, despite everything, I followed him and I still love him, but I realized that I was loving him more than I loved me and my daughter. . I didn't cry because I spent years crying alone and falling asleep with tears.
I asked him if he would prefer to end the relationship peacefully, where we could still rescue our friendship, before reaching a point where I couldn't even tolerate seeing him.
That was the only time when he finally said that he would take therapy, but I no longer believed him. I know he did it just to convince me, but in the end he wasn't going to do it. So I decided to leave the next day with my things. It was the last time we talked about it.
At the moment:
We have a year apart, we decided to give ourselves a few months to settle in and calm our spirits. Despite this, we have still kept in touch through our daughter, when it is her turn to visit or when she brings him an errand.
I don't deny that I still love him, and now I'm the one who would like our marriage to be fixed, but he is the first to say that he feels better now.
Now that I am living with my parents, my symptoms of anxiety and depression have not improved at all, on the contrary. I don't know if I ever feel like going back to him was a desperate attempt to get out of my parents' house, because he was the only person who made me feel understood and that there was nothing wrong with being who I was (I did). which has mainly contributed to my mental health), because I clarify, my son has a disability and since his diagnosis, he has not contributed much either, I have been with the support of my family in the face of that, but not with my ex-husband or the his family, so I use practically all of my salary on my son and his basic needs; His father gives me alimony for him, but only the equivalent of $20 dollars a week, against medication a month that costs about $100, plus his therapies and special attention.
So I ask.
AITAH for asking my husband for a divorce for refusing to go to therapy?
I really appreciate that you take the time, I know that it is not a short or brief story, I will try to answer your questions in the comments if I have not been clear in any aspect. Right now I'm a mess, I'm discouraged because my situation is currently not good, my profession wears me out emotionally and mentally, added to the condition of my son who makes me feel like I'm not doing things right...
I need to know that there is something in life that I haven't done so badly. In advance, thank you Reddit community.

TLDR: Irrationally texted my ex parents after a breakup saying mean shit about her no threats just emotional dumb shit. Regret how childish I came off and feel like part of my healing even to move on fully is apologizing to grow. But I don’t want to bother as other redditors have exclaimed I should be lucky no restraining orders have been put out or I’m not in jail. I admit I said ugly shit but nothing that comes to threats or harm. Lmk please
Ex texted a bestfriend behind my back ending of last year ruining the friendship. Broke up with her, during that time I rekindled with someone else while occasionally texting my ex still not back together. Felt like I missed the warmth of my ex and dropped the new girl going back to my ex fully beginning of this year. Missed the support and love from my ex that I never truly got. Girl told me ex about our dirty laundry, causing trust issues in the whole relationship. Trust me when I tell you I felt more than guilty. I balled my eyes out with her and not even for getting caught for the reaction she had and how fragile she always was to me. I mention what she had does because stupidly I should have left when I had the chance. Even other instances where she had initiated things, I knew it might have not been the healthiest but she showed other signs of real true love. Tried fixing them by removing girls, sharing location, etc. I felt scared my ex is gonna get revenge and started being distant at the end which pushed her away as well. I thought we would get back together as always, found out she’s been adding guys she removed a long time ago. I got upset and texted her ugly nasty shit, and texted her dad saying his daughter is nasty etc. I thought by doing this I’d move on quicker by burning bridges, he told me to leave them alone I’m being childish. I understand I fucked up and fully agree. She’s done things and I know I shouldn’t have let be, but staying and getting revenge wasn’t the way. I’m realizing that as the hours even go by everyday I think about it. I want to apologize to the parents for the lack of character I had because I never ONCE disrespected them in their house, to their face. I called them Mr and Mrs always and always asked if they needed anything. I talked to a close female friend who said this stuff needs time and I can apologize if I’d like and if it makes me feel better, or write a letter and burn it. My parents said that’s not my character and said apologize if you feel necessary as I wasn’t raised like that. I feel like it’s too late to backtrack on the stupid shit I said. Am I being selfish by sending a text? I just want this weight off my chest of being the shitty person at the end at least to her parents who didn’t need any of that.
Is it smart to reach back out to the parents to show respect as an adult or just let them be? I know this was a lot but it’s on my heart and brain everyday since. I know I was emotional for no reason as I had done hurt to her in the past too. Seeing her move on so fast is what bothered me but I see she wanted me to feel what she felt. I just feel bad sitting on the thought that I left her parents with such a bad image of myself even thought it doesn’t matter anymore just doesn’t sit with me. Help?

The bloom is off the rose and I’ve about had it with this $1200 bike.
The latest issue is somehow after changing the brake pads on the front, I got air into the line. I bought a bleed kit, watched videos and after 3hrs, modifying the bleed kit, a lot of cussing and 75% of the mineral oil ending up EVERYWHERE but in the bike, I managed to get it done. All was well for a couple of weeks. Then my brakes started feeling squishy again.
I just tried to fix them again, this time, watching a Nutt-specific brake bleed video, but somehow it ended up even worse than the first time. Brake fluid got everywhere, including on my brake pads, which apparently now need to be replaced after being contaminated, and now I’m out of fluid, my bike is covered in it and I have absolutely no front brake power. People say the procedure is “basically” the same for scooters and bikes, but I disagree.
Now, I like to think I’m a reasonably intelligent person, but I cannot for the life of me figure this out. How are you all bleeding your brakes? I’ve got fluid gushing out of the top handlebar area, draining back out the side hole in the caliper. What am I doing wrong? How am I supposed to inject fluid into a hole that doesn’t exist? How am I supposed to hold the calipers sideways and simultaneously push the plunger into the hole that dors exist? Can someone direct me towards bleed kit and a video that gives very specific instructions?
Last month, I had to take the bike into the shop because the back brakes had issues, I’ve had several stripped screws so I can’t adjust or change things like my shifter or my twist throttle, (which I’m probably either going to have to invest in a drill and bits to drill it out or cut them off and pay to replace them, then figure out how to reinstall) gears slip, etc. I love my bike but all these issues after owning it less than six months are beginning making me regret buying it.
I’d really like to learn to fix the problems myself because I can’t afford and don’t have the time to run to the bike shop clear across town and wait for 5hrs to have something fixed every time it breaks or malfunctions.
Sorry for the part-rant, part plea. There’s a lot going on in my life at the moment and I just really need to figure this out. Thanks.

I M19 daydream, I doubt that many people would ever consider this an issue with mental health but I promise I will get there. I'm a screenwriter with an imagination about 5x the size of my confidence. For years I have struggled with anxiety and depression so badly that in order to enjoy any part of my life all I would do in the day was daydream. I would dream about a life where I was famous, rich, in love, had a family so on. Until recently I met someone, a girl who is clearly very important to me. I say this because all I do in the day is daydream about her, I still daydream about everything else that I dreamed about but now It has to include her. My problem was that I would daydream so much that after a while the lines began to blur. The other day whilst out with her and some friends she tried to get my attention and in response I called her 'my love' it was the first but not the last time I did that. This week I went away for family reasons, looked at starting to get my life on track. Eating better, losing weight, improving my personal hygiene, dress sense, buying a new aftershave, all in the hopes to mature. I was able to sit down and write a draft script in 3 days because all I did was stop procrastinating and just concentrated.
I managed to stop daydreaming entirely. I used to tell my friends that daydreaming is the worst, because you create these worlds in your head were everything is perfect but when you wake, you are faced with the reality that your life still sucks and none of it was real. Now that I no longer daydream I am almost more miserable than I was when I did. I dont know why I am so miserable all of a sudden, I got what I wanted but ended up worse off. All of the things I have been struggling with seem to have resurfaced despite the fact that I have worked so hard to find ways to cope and ways to help myself stay positive. Why is it that daydreaming can feel so dangerous but like a drug I am addicted to the high.

i feel like i've been facing a moral dilemma when it comes to my aunts and how i do not wish to have a close relationship with them or hang out with them one on one. i'm not sure if it's normal to be friends with your older relatives and hang out so i don't really know what to do.
for some context, i'm 24 and my mom has twin sisters who are in their 50's, got married recently and don't have kids. they're very opinionated & uptight people and have always been very vocal about all their personal issues & regrets in life. every time i see them, they just trauma dump on me and hardly listen when i speak. they are rude to my dad bc their personalities clash, they're rude to their parents and treat them disrespectfully & like they are children, and they have also started arguments with my sister who is 28 over the dumbest things. they're also the type to point out if something im wearing isn't to their liking or to comment on my weight or how "little" i eat. there are literally so many other things i could list but in other words, they're not the most pleasant people to be around, and i have no desire to be close with them.
i still love them and care about them and i do see them on average maybe every 2 months at some sort of family gathering. i follow them on social media and am in a large groupchat where everyone texts frequently. to me, this feels like more than enough contact for the relationship i'd want to have with them.
however, pretty much every time i see them, they always mention wanting to hang out with me one on one and i never know how to respond because i don't want to. then they'll text me to say the same thing and i usually just agree to hanging out with them because that's the easiest.
i guess what i'm wondering is, am i in the wrong for feeling this way? is it normal for aunts to want to be this close to their nieces? should i keep agreeing to hanging out with them or should i gently let them down and stick to seeing them at family gatherings? i don't know if anyone has ever had a similar experience but any advice would be welcome
just a side note: i'm also not a very social person & everyone in my family knows this about me so it just feels extra weird to potentially be hanging out w my aunts more than i every see my actual friends

Hi - sorta long post. I met my girlfriend two years ago while I had my first job and she was graduating college. We were both virgins and she hadn’t done more than kissing a guy before me but had been in two long relationships (four years total). Our relationship started off pretty sexual and, honestly, very spicy. Fast forward a month and we tried to have sex; however, I had performance issues. These issues continued for 6-7 months until we basically stopped trying to have sex as she started her new job and moved to another state (I also had a new job in the same state, so I went with her).
Once she started her new job, over time our sexual intimacy declined a lot. She has a stressful computer science job and works a lot, which she pointed to as the reason for her libido going down. She was also on birth control and multiple medications. Aside from the sex, all other forms of intimacy were amazing (cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.). We’ve had our fair share of rough patches and fights, and I personally feel like I haven’t treated her the best. A lot of it was due to her being closed off about sexual topics and trying to improve our sex lives. Basically, sex became a big pressure point, and she was the one who controlled if it happened.
About a year ago, she felt asexual and said maybe sex isn’t important to her and she could live the rest of her life without it (she also barely masturbates, like once every two weeks). I didn’t care about sex at that point since I love her for who she is and could live without it. Also, I should note I gained like 70+ pounds, and she gained weight too, but we were still sexual at points like once a month or every other month (no penetration), so my looks didn’t affect anything. I just became more insecure.
Fast forward to 2024, I get a new job and am working remotely. I fly out a few times to see her (intimacy gets worse to the point where we’re not even changing in front of each other). She said it was because of how I treated her in December (had a huge insecure moment) and we tried to move on. Anyway, she recently started a move to a bigger city for the same company, and I had booked a flight to see her. She said she was excited to see me and spend time. Last night, she calls me and brings up how she feels this is more of a platonic friendship than a romantic one. She mentions how she could never have sex again with me potentially (due to relationship baggage), wants to be in a relationship where sex is easy and not a huge thing, and also how she saw a coworker for lunch and had sexual feelings.
Ultimately, we canceled the flight, but I still talked to her and logic’d some of this out. She originally wanted to take a break to “explore her sexuality,” and then we went back and forth for a few hours to finally understand the situation better. Now we’re taking a one-month break where she just wants alone time to move and break out of this co-dependency and relying on me for everything. We are still both exclusive and not seeing anyone. She mentioned we will probably be back together and not to feel stressed or sad (but I’m so sad). I still have a flight scheduled a few months out for her birthday, and she said to keep it assuming stuff gets better. I feel pretty horrible, and I love her so much. She’s like my best friend, and you’re supposed to marry your best friend. Two-plus years and we yap to each other, hold each other, and just do everything in a relationship except sex. I imagined a full life with her and thought she was the one. Our love was so pure and deep without the need for a sexual connection. Every time we called or hung out, it was always exciting.
I hope after this break we can get back together and continue, but part of me feels like this is the end. She mentioned we should talk more, but I said no contact during this month (we might chat on the weekends). I don’t want to lose such an amazing person.
TLDR: My girlfriend and I had a great relationship without sex due to issues in the beginning. She promised sex isn’t important to her and she might be asexual. I then get blindsided a few days ago when she says she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and has sexual feelings for her coworker. She’s confused about her sexuality and wanted to initially explore it more, but we talked. Now we’re on a break where we’re not seeing other people for a month without contact so she can do things independently (moving to a new apartment and starting at a new office location), and she said the possibility of us getting back together is 50/50 but probably will happen. I am conflicted, traumatized, and don’t know how to move forward.

I've got two girls almost two months ago and they are both fairly young (4 or 5 six months old). Three weeks ago, I noticed that one of them started "wheezing" from her nose, but that kind of wheeze you can hear only while they breathe incredibly close to your ear. I'm still a very anxious person, so I brought them to their veterinary. What they told me was that the rats were too little to stick a swab in them to actually check if not strictly necessary, but since they could hear the noise I mentioned, it could be myco and they told me to give both of the rats (since they live together) a small dose of antibiotics for 7 days. Fast forward two weeks. Antibiotics didn't seem to do anything, but the noise also didn't get louder. The last few days, though, they both started sneezing kind of often, or at least more often than usual, and sometimes they would do it even multiple times in a row while cleaning themselves. I also noticed today that the second rat started making the same exact noise of her sister.
I already spoke to their veterinarian many times during these weeks and they just told me to check on them often and see if it gets worse. Well, today it did, as you read, so I asked the veterinarian if there was something I could actually do. They told me that rats are prone to respiratory disease (as I knew) and told me I could do 3 things: - Just keep and eye on them and see if it gets worse - Cover the cage and use a nebuliser (I have no idea on what solution to give them) - Try again with 7 days of that same antibiotics from 2 weeks prior (if any of you wants to know, I'm giving them something called Baytril)
I know that these things are better if treated early, so I really want to do everything I can, but I already took them to the vet twice this month and I can't afford another visit if it's not an emergency or something similar. What do you suggest I should do? Also do they "live with" their respiratory diseases (like myco) or should they get totally cured (so the fact that the antibiotic didn't do much would worry me a bit more)?
I should mention that they are both very active, they play (and fight each other), run ok the wheel and run around in my room a lot and they never say no to a snack. They also don't show any other sign of being sick, like porphyrine on their nose*. The only thing that actually worries me is that the last two days it looked to me like they would sleep more and eat slightly less, but maybe it's just me being paranoid.
*as I'm about to post this, I checked on the girls and one of them actually got porphyrine on her nose. It's my first time seeing it and I think it was a lot of porphyrine. However, she woke up few minutes before, so that may be the cause (but how much porphyrine is "normal"?).
Thank you for your help.

(sorry, english is not my first language, aaaand little mention of domestic violence) I (16F) feel a little bit selfish sometimes cuz ive been ignoring all my fathers attempts to reconnect in a healthy way. here is some context:
i used to live with 5 people, 6 counting me, my great grandmother (deceased) my grandmother, mom, dad and big brother, my mom and dad used to fight a lot, they usually did it because of the way dad treated bro and me, i dont want to write the whole backstory of my dad but in a few words, his childhood was terrible, he was poor and her mom (like the real latina mom that she is) raised him and his sibling in a more old-fashioned way, so my dad was (I still believe he is) a very violent person, like fighting every single person that would say something about my uncles or his economical situation. So, he used to threaten us that he would hit us, mostly me (from what I remember, honestly, I dont have many positives memories of my childhood) but it never went beyond a few slaps in my legs, back or head, i mean, it could have been worse and even using objects to hit me yk? well this and many other actions made my great grandmother defend us, and this made my mother reproach my father more, so their fights continued. so blabla one day they were fighting, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and since I was a daddy's girl I hated my mom for a while and my dad (like the fucking manipulative man that he is) played victim and said that my mom, grandma and great grandma were bad people and more stupid things, so now you can understand the type of person he is, WELL HE CAME BACK, mom, what was on your mind???? and well the same shit happened ok THIS IS IMPORTANT STAY WITH ME:
I don't really remember what happened, but of course my great grandmother was discussing with my dad, then my grandma enter in scene and okay I don't really know I was like 10 at moment(ik im 16 but I have a really bad memory :b) but my dad said something like "I hope she die soon" (he was referring to my great grandma) and ofc my grandma went crazy and my mom was discussing too and oh surprise bye daddy nooo why does he have to left THERE WAS PURE CHAOS IN MY HOUSE OH GOD. my mom (A NON VIOLENT PERSON) almost slapped my brother like, for the anger she was living in that moment (I mean who doesn't) and well I was crying and yeah, that was the last time my dad set a foot in this house.
In the next years (this was 2019 OH I FORGOT SOMETHING my great grandmother died a few months after my dad left, so my grandma HATES my dad like she can't even look at him, but anyway my great grandmother was 93 I believe when she left us and she had a lot illnesses so I hope shes doing better somewhere) well in like, 2020 to 2022 I had a "good" relationship with my dad, but he always did this like, he stopped talking to me, and obviously a little girl need her father so at the moment I needed him he came back to me and stuff, well this kind of relationship we got, aaaand he was maybe questionable with big bro cuz he said thing like "oh yeah when you have children and be happy with your wife and kids this is what is going to happen to you" like bitch bffr how can you tell YOUR SON that??? it's so disrespectful, and with me well he always said "when you grow older you're going to understand this" ofc I understood it long time ago.
so now, last year and this year, I haven't talked to him, I don't want to, he really hurt me and idk why he can't fucking understand the level of damage? like you're the fucking adult bitch be serious, he always behaved like a little child, I realized many thing at 14 and my dad stills seeing me like the little girl that one time used to love him (omg im gonna cry) I would really love to have a good relationship with him and be the same like we were when I was a kid, but my therapist told me that if a person with his age (52 I think) doesn't change his behavior, and says "no I change, I'm a new person now" it's because he's not going to change never, and he really proven it so many times.
i stayed with that, with the pain in my heart but it's the best for me and my mental health, now my dad is a believer (always has been but now is like more) and I think he is going to therapy, of course he wants to reconnect with me and it's valid, but i don't want to, i dont want him to hurt me again, he is like negativity to me, and im really stressed and my head spins with everything happening in my life (my gf, my school, friends, economical situation, my study tour, etc). he stills texting me everyday hoping that someday im going to respond, but im not, or at least, not for now.

Dilemma with Airbnb host treatment - no long showers allowed and dog peed on my suitcase and clothes - how should I respond? [Spain]
Hey folks just wanted to get your thoughts on this situation I had recently.
I booked a last minute Airbnb for 3 nights recently in a big Spanish city (Airbnb was outside city center for €40 per night). It was shared with the host (a boomer Spanish lady and her puppy dog). Nowadays, I filter with Guest Favorites and only look at listings where the host is rated over 4.80. This host had 50 reviews, was a super host and the listing was a guest favorite and had a rating of 4.92
I arrived midnight (prearranged well in advance with the host as check in is only until 23h according to the listing). I immediately go to bed without showering as I had one in the previous stay and was going to exercise the next day anyway. I spend all of next day outside and return at night and take a long shower (20-30 mins) before going to bed. I sleep in the next day and the host requests that I don’t shower so long (we communicate in basic French as she doesn’t know English and I don’t know Spanish)… I say all good, I’ll keep it shorter next time. I go inside and I’m in the bathroom for about 20 mins, brushing my teeth, taking a dump etc. and am careful to only take a shower between 5-10 max minutes. I get a message from the host later that evening (translated):
Host:
Hi Appliance7717, I wanted to let you know that tomorrow the departure is at 11 o'clock also because I have to leave, I also wanted to let you know that if you would take another shower I would ask you to keep it shorter, thank you Appliance7717.
Guest:
I showered for 5 minutes today. You want it to be shorter than that?
I did spend more time in the bathroom using the toilet, brushing my teeth etc.
Or I just can’t use the bathroom for long?
Host:
No please, if that's the case it's all right.
It's just that it's a huge expense for me.
I’m in the metro when I read this message and get all flustered and take the wrong train etc. and am a bit frustrated but whatever, I’ll check out sharp 11am tomorrow and get it over with. I’d booked a hostel for the next day anyway. I also missed out on seeing the meteorite (!) whilst all this was happening 😆 but I really think I shouldn’t be sweating about this shit on vacation and walking on eggshells over something so petty…
Anyway, next day rolls up and I scramble to get things packed up and ready so I don’t upset her by checking in after 11am. I’m basically on track to check out by 10:30. Now she has a dog, 🐕 which I didn’t mention - doesn’t seem to be well trained, barked quite a lot and woke me from my sleep earlier in the day but I didn’t make a fuss at all. I’m the 5 mins where I happened to be in the kitchen without closing my room’s door, it went and peed over my suitcase and clothes. It also took a sock, chewed it up and took it somewhere else. Mind you, the host didn’t mention anything about the possibility that the dog would be doing this. I’ve lived with dogs in airbnbs before and never had this issue. Nothing in the listing or house rules about taking long showers or what to do regarding the dog like keeping the door closed etc. She dabbed the pee with paper towels, and said that I should have closed the door but did say “Désole (sorry in French). I had to ask for disinfectant spray. I was upset and was banging my hand on the forehead and expressing regret but nothing more. She saw a pair of any shorts I’m soaked in urine but absolutely no offer to clean it, extend checkout etc. It seemed perfectly acceptable that this happened. It really rubbed me the wrong way. Super hosts are meant to go above and beyond in my view, and here she was struggling to be somewhat décent. We didn’t argue or anything there, if anything I was just a bit terse and we said au revoir and I left to go do the cleaning in my next place (took about 3 hours to get vinegar, bleach, hydrogen peroxide etc.)
Thinking of the Golden Rule, I’d never do this to somebody else if I were her. I’d offer compensation or something….
Anyway, my dilemma is that I wouldn’t have any hesitation going after a hefty compensation were it some young dude or couple as host. This lady doesn’t seem financially well off, seeing as taking a long shower has an impact on her profits. And I just feel kinda bad posturing me screwing over this old lady and her puppy dog for some cash. But I absolutely do not appreciate how I was treated and goes fundamentally against my sense of decency and fairness… I also hate how Airbnb has devolved to classify such hosts as superhosts.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? What do you think I should pursue? Should I ask for compensation? Leave a poor review? I see that she already left me a review on the afternoon that I checkout out. I have a feeling that she left a negative review - I noticed this from a previous guests review as well as what the host wrote about that guest.
Host’s review of Guest plus Guest’s response:
Guest, she is a polite and clean girl, but a great consumption of hot water and electricity, I am personally, these guests are not interested since for €134 I believe that as a host I am not interested , as a host I have not had any problems now, now I have only to wait for my electricity , water and gas bills, I am a person with very few resources, and from now on I do not accept promotions, because for it it is not profitable.
Dear Host, during my stay you didn't tell me anything. Other than that, I've never had any issues with other hosts. I was almost not at the house because I was visiting the city. I was just taking regular showers and was charging my phone and laptop when I needed it. What you wrote about me, I don't think it's true or fair and I'm really sorry to read that because I thought we had a great time the whole time.
Guest’s review of Host:
I had a nice stay at Host's place. It's good for 1-3 days since the room is very small and really suitable only for sleeping (no chair, table, ..). The location is okay, a bit far from the centre, but you can get everywhere by bus or by metro.

Hey! I’m Vincent. Writing these things isn’t really my strong suit, so I’m not exactly sure what to say here. Anyway, I’m mainly here to find people to chat with and get to know. Whether we talk for a long time or not is all good with me.
I’m up for chatting about anything and everything. You can tell me your best joke, share a picture of your pet, or send me some memes.
A few things about me: - I enjoy 🍃 - I have an undying love for tattoos - I adore dogs, especially my own - Sushi is my favorite food - I’m a big fan of horror
Looking forward to meeting you!

30yr old female, ten years in the military, single mom, lots of trauma.
I am currently going through the process of being diagnosed with Bipolar II.
I am reaching out because I have spent precious hours or sleep and working hours (called off) reading this reddit bipolar2. I'm has made so much sense to me, especially some of the Posts that made so much sense it felt like it was about me.
I have been treated for mental health since 2013. (19/20yr) It started in the navy after I had a sexual trauma. I was having anxiety attacks, I couldn't be in the workshop without feeling anxiety so intense I was either going to cry rage or run to the bathroom and hide while I try to calm myself. They started me on Prozac and at the time it helped with the anxiety attacks. But I still had high anxiety and I have had depression episodes that felt never ending. The navy doctors never diagnosed me due to certain diagnosis could effect your job. So they would say things like adjustment disorder (which is only 6 months) or traits of BPD, generalized anxiety and depression, and they would test my most severe symptoms. I always thought it was weird that they're giving me drugs before an diagnosis. Even now that I'm a veteran and using the VA it's the same issue. I'm getting a certain set of drug options.
It feels like ok you can have a turkey sandwich, ham, chicken, but those are the options. You can try the turkey with the ham. They would only offer me antidepressants and I have been on almost every single one except paxil and amitriptyline (which I would have happily tried since I have stomach issues too)
Fast forward to now. I have mostly been effected by anxiety and depression. I'll be anxious so much so that I go numb. I don't care about anything. I just want to sleep. I don't do hygiene well(which boggles my brain since I usually have to take one before work and one before bed, due to my trauma I feel a layer of filth that won't go away with a shower) I do the bare minimum for myself and even my kid. The anxiety is constant. My mind is always racing. I used to say it feels like I'm in a racquet ball court and there's thousands of balls bouncing and ricocheting in the glass box. Now I've learned it's called FOI. The difference between the anxiety and depression for me is I can be anxious and not depressed. But my anxiety causes me to be depressed and it can last months. Sometimes it feels like years. It's like sometimes my depression is louder than the anxiety and sometimes my anxiety is louder. It's like my psyche can't handle the anxiety and so it just switches off.
This has effected my family my job and my relationships both friends and boyfriend.
I will feel like I'm not myself.
Things I love I can't motivate myself enough to go enjoy like being outside or swimming. Not even for my kid. It's awful.
I have had a lot of traumatic experience as a child, I.e. physical, emotional, verbal and sexual, both to me and my brother and mom. Because of the abuse it is assumed I might have PTSD or BPD by the doctor I was seeing at the time. But I didn't feel like I had all of the specifiers for either of those. Plus I've had trauma at such a young age it's hard to know what's normal for me and what's not.
By the time I was in my mid twenties I had several patterns of severe depression periods and everytime I came out of the depression I thought I was "cured" the antidepressants were helping, the consistent lifestyle that's now structured is helping, etc. And I would be so relieved from the crushing depression that I didn't question or think about the energy I was having or if it's weird that I traded the depression for other issues like spending too much money, dating men too fast or not in a healthy manner, I was just relieved to be social and going out of my house. I thought I was making bad decisions because I'm a piece of shit and need to try harder to be decent. I'd clean my house, do more things for my kid, basically function like an adult, if not a little extreme.
The times I had a new doctor and they did the generic screening questions I always felt like the bipolar was too extreme for me to fit. My best friend is bipolar and I was not as intense as her. Same as my ex-husband. So I didn't think I was possibly bipolar.
But in my mid twenties, I was starting to wonder why I wasn't getting better, why do I have there ups and downs, it feels like a cycle or a pattern (not a pattern that makes sense)
I asked my doctor if the depression was resistant and I asked why the meds weren't working. I have ADHD (possibly just whatever mental health disorder causing ADHD symptoms?)so I would ask the doctor if maybe the ADHD was causing/manifesting the anxiety or exacerbated it. I read ADHD can make you more susceptible to anxiety and depression.
Basically a lot of Mental health issues share a lot ofbtje same symptoms. I read about the personality disorders and clusters A,B and C. I read the dsm 5 tr specifiers for mood disorders and other mental health issues.
With the help of dsm 5, the specifiers made me realize I have more to my mind than just anxiety and depression.
I'm currently waiting on an extensive screening with the VA to see what's going on.
The nurse practitioner I'm seeing now thinks it could be bipolar II. I hope it's not but I also feel like if it's a diagnosis that can help my treatment then fine. At this point I just want to feel better.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD, traits of BPD, generalized anxiety and depression, PTSD. Most of these didn't feel like they fit me. I would be depressed and that depression would crush me and make me not take care of myself or my home or I was moving so fast, up and about being the Energizer Bunny until I burned myself out and then I was back to being useless.
The DSM 5 specifiers pointed out that I had more than just the anxiety and depression. Some for major depression disorder (MDD), I did see why they might see traits of BPD since I had childhood trauma and there's some patterns of changing jobs and relationships. But I don't feel like I have a lot of fear from abandonment and my moods feel more like I don't have control of them. BPD seems more like your thoughts control your moods and feelings but for me I feel more like I'm being jerked around. I'll start to have energy and the depression lifts to boom, I'm depressed again don't want to shower work or socialize. It's horrible and makes me feel like I'm a horrible person.
I'm hoping by expressing my concern of the pattern/ cycle of depression and anxiety more similar to the hypomania and depression to my provider that the treatment could shift towards a new treatment that's more appropriate.
Right now the provider and I suspect it could be bipolar II. She started me on vraylar but I'm waiting for the VA to approve the prescription. She told me to stop taking the Zoloft 100mg I'm on(which normally I would titrate so I don't have effects from stopping suddenly). I'm having a nervous breakdown. Like I was bad before and now stopping the Zoloft is like gasoline on my mood. I'm not going to work I'm so anxious. So I went to the walk in clinic at the VA and they put me on a low dose of Seroquel. That has been hard. I'm on day two and I'm so out of it and lethargic I slept all day. I didn't go to work. I missed a week and a day. They know a little of what's going on but I know I'm on thin ice, if I don't get my shit together and go back to work soon I'm probably going to be fired.
Right now I'm kind of hoping this reddit could explain some of their personal experiences with getting diagnosed and the treatments they've tried. Especially people with childhood trauma or sexual trauma as a young adult, parents that were alcoholics, abusive, negligent or created unstable homelifes.

Hey, it’s R again. Every time I think I’m making steps to get better, something sets me off and I’m right back at the start. Still in love with you, and still missing you more than anything. You completely changed my life, and now I don't know how I lived without you before I met you.
I tried being angry at you, to try and make myself hate you, but I can't hold onto it. I just can't bring myself to hate you, not really. I'm trying to stop caring about you so much, but it's so hard. I wish I was like you and able to just put these feelings to the side, but I can't. I feel them all the time. I try and go out with my friends and forget about you, but the littlest thing brings me back here to you.
I think the worst thing in all of this though, is that if you asked me to try again, I'd have to say no. You made me so unbelievably happy, T. Waking up to my name on your lips, spending all day talking with you, knowing that you loved me, knowing everything about your day, hearing all about your friends and your family. It was a dream come true for me. You made me feel like the most amazing man in the world, and the only thing I wanted was to make you feel exactly like that. Like the single most amazing thing to ever happen to me, because you were. But you left me for a reason, that you couldn't see yourself being happy with me. You deserve to be happy, T. You deserve so much more. So even if you wanted to take me back, I would have to have to reject you, because you still think that I can't make you happy.
This no-contact has been so hard, but I know it's for the best. I just miss being able to reach out to talk, or shamelessly flirt, or just doing something together. Now I'm faced with nothing but grief. Grief for our future, grief for my best friend, grief for little baby Eleanore. I keep dreaming about all of it. You ended the relationship, and I destroyed our friendship in our grief, and now I'll never have you again, as a friend or anything more. I still don't want to be your friend though, I want to be your husband, even after all of this. You deserve better though.
You deserve the best. A good man, and a good friend. I know the way I acted after we broke up wasn't right. I forced my emotions on you, I didn't respect you or your boundaries, and I didn't listen when you told me to stop. I should've been a better person and a better friend. Like I said, you deserve a good man. It's just, I thought I was a good man, too.
I wish you luck in finding someone that makes you happy. I wish myself luck in trying to get over you.
Never yours again, (and coming to terms with it) R

I, 29 (f), have been best friends with my 29 (m) childhood friend for nearly our whole lives. he announced on social media last year he got engaged to his partner (m), and i reached out to tell him how happy i was for him and couldn’t wait to celebrate. fast forward a few months, I started noticing him posting things about his wedding website. I reached out to him, because I saw that his wedding was going to be overseas. I wanted to make sure that he had my new address for my invitation (never doubted being invited as he came to my wedding, i should add here we also live in different states), so I texted him and I told him hey if you need my new address just let me know, he texted me back and said don’t worry you and your plus one will have an invitation in the mail.
fast forward all of these months later, his wedding is next week, and I was never invited. He’s been posting relentlessly on social media between his wedding shower, and all of his other friends from childhood and college coming to the wedding, and now leading up to the wedding next week, everyone I know has been posting about it. i’ve had to see this for months now.
I have not reached out to him to ask him why he did not invite me, I guess I’ve just been afraid of what he might say or what the reason might be, because I truly do not understand why, but I just feel like this is such a huge slap in the face and his way of, intentionally ending our friendship after all of these years.
What doesn’t make sense - Is that six years ago at my wedding, he and his future husband came to our wedding and stayed for several days, and we spent a lot of time together and made some great memories. I never saw our friendship ending, we’ve known each other since before we could barely talk, I never realized that I didn’t fit in his life anymore. But over the last few months and seeing him shamelessly posting about his wedding, never reaching out to me once, it just seems like he’s trying to send some kind of message and to let me know that this friendship is over. I’m not sure what to do, or if I should wait until after the wedding to say something. But it’s been incredibly hurtful to see all of these things on social media leading up to his wedding knowing that I didn’t get an invite and have to continue this shitty time of seeing all of these posts on social media for the next week. I’m not sure how to handle this.

Soo, I'm pretty well just realizing how I've been emotionally neglected most of my life growing up. Not to mention the lack of respect my mom and sister have towards me anymore..
Tiny Background: My family has always been the "tough love" type of family. Didn't tell each other that we loved each other much, we just kinda knew we did. Didn't hear it from mom much.. never was the lovey dovey type of family with all the hugs and kisses and such. You fall over "ahhh, get up you're finee.." Never was emotionally open with each other.. if we were it somehow lead into some kind of argument.
Anywayyy...
A lot of the time growing up and even currently to this day I am deemed as the "sensitive" one. I cant take a "joke." So on and so forth.. Times I would come to my mom about things going on in my life and instead of the listening to me with support and understanding I was met with criticism or judgment. Anytime I would go to my sister to tell her things you should want to talk to your sister about and trust that she would keep in confidentiality she would break that trust and go to mom about whatever it was. And lately I have noticed that since moving out in 2020 that my family never really has checked up on me.. they don't even text to ask how I am doing, only time that I hear from them is if there is some family event that occurs in us having to talk and plan out whats going on, and who's coming or who is driving etc. Not only that but anytime I am with my family (mainly my mom and sister) I am suddenly the butt of the jokes that they make, usually including my dating life.
Most of the time I would be excited to tell my family about some new interest I have whether that be with someone new in my life or whatever new hobby I may have picked up. But it always would result in them laughing and claiming how apparently an ex of mine looked like my dad (my parents divorced when i was approximately 8yrs old) and laugh about how I have a type in the men I choose...
Something that pushed me over the edge this past 2023 family Christmas was a comment my sister made and then my mom chimed in with some other "joke"/hurtful comment. We were all playing Cards Against Humanity as we do most holidays and something about the card that I had pulled brought up the topic of my dating life.. and my sister brought up apparently having "daddy issues" and then my mom chimed in with her comment, I don't remember what she said because I was simply over here being stuck mentally about why tf my sister would make a "joke" like that, and they both were laughing about it. THAT HURT! I played the game for like 5 more mins and I said I was done and moved out of the way to sit across the room. Anyway as the day went on I was driving back home to my place from my moms since we had all carpooled at the time. And all I could think about was what my sister had said earlier that day and was bawling on the way home hurt by her "joke."
At that point I had told myself to never tell my family anything about my life that essentially had made me happy within my dating life. Cause all that they would do is "tease me" and make fun of my life and the people I was enjoying life with.
I will say that it hurts though.. cause I had dealt with this bs from my family my whole life, and to not feel safe in telling them personal things anymore has been more of a grieving process for me.
First it was my sister betraying my trust in telling her things I would think a sister would keep to herself, and continuing to even do so today. And then it was the fact that my sister and my mom now essentially team up against me anytime i see them just to make me feel like shit. Now anytime there is a family event all I can think is what bs are they gonna pull out of their asses to make fun of me this time?
I just never understood it.. why me?

I've already posted this in a couple other communities
A few years ago I researched this religion, I was 16 and I didn't look to much into it but I recently fell down an information pipe line to try and learn more. I bought a Qur'an and a Hijab after doing a bit of research.
I'm definitely no expert with the information, I want to learn more and I'm looking more into the aspects of the things that are okay or things that aren't.
I'm mostly worried about my identity/marrying into the religion/finding somewhere near I live where I can talk to more Muslims about it.
About me, I'm 18, almost 19. I am queer, genderfluid and afab. I'm white, raised in a half religious household surrounded by Christianity. I'm not sure if this is allowed or okay, I've heard multiple sides of people saying that the Muslim religion doesn't necessarily say anything against it, but I've also heard that if you are queer and you revert you just can't act on those urges or thoughts, that when you follow Allah, they are the only thing that can judge you. I've heard people say everyone's Journey and Relationship with Allah is their own and their connection to the God is not for others to judge.
I have no problem with falling into the woman's role with work and staying home, things like that. As long as I can keep my prefered name and have my identity at least be acknowledged and not erased, I would be fine.
I also don't want to end up being a bad 'representation' of the religion because I wasn't born into it, my parents were Christians who didn't practice fully.
I wanted to look into Islam because I like the values of the community, helping people and caring for your friends, I like the treating of animals and others even outside the religion. I like how accepting everything shows to be, I would consider myself a kind person, I try to compliment people when I think it will help them be happy, I try to donate if I can or help homeless people with food, I'm not sure if this is for me or if I could talk to anyone practicing the religion.
My roommates told me a little bit about it because they've studied religion. They told me how strict Islam was, how I might not be accepted into the religion because of how I identify. That women rarely have a voice and talk much about things that happen to them, like if assaulted, that she couldn't speak up in fear if getting called unclean. Also about how a lot of relationships can turn abusive if you get taken advantage of.
They were also bringing up to me that my health might not be able to handle the I tense fasting, I have an iron deficiency and some vitamin deficiencies that I need to eat and drink for.
I live smack dab in the middle of the us, I'm not sure where to go or what resources I could go to.