Help! 10 year old verbally abusive, threatening, and terrorizing. Mom on the verge of breakdown!
10 year old verbally abusive, explosive, has tics. Mom beside herself and on the verge on a nervous breakdown.
This isn't the typical "asking for a friend" post...I really am asking for a friend. A friend I know has a 10 year old daughter, 5 year old daughter and 17 year old step son. The two girls live together with my friend and het husband (the girls' dad) and the step son lives with his mom. This friend has expressed to me over time some of the things going on with her 10 year old and I am becoming increasingly worried about my friend's well-being dealing with all this as well as what could possibly be going on with her daughter. Her daughter CONSTANTLY tells my friend to f*** off or f*** you and is angry and threatening and demeaning from sun up to sun down. The minute my friend taps her to wake up in the morning she will say "get your hands off me" or "don't touch me" and my friend occasionally get a frustrated and teary eyed with these verbal beat downs and her daughter will say "oh you're gonna cry now mom?" In a snotty tone. She'll call my friend "stupid", "dumb", and has threatened to tell her teachers if my friend tries to spank or discipline her. Yet this little girl has been kicked out of school multiple times. Yes! Kicked out!! And the classroom has had to be cleared and the cops have had to be called more than once because of her behavior. She has told her mom she's "going to kill" her and will sometimes tell her mom "why don't you just kill me". Her daughter currently takes adderall for adhd and trazadone for sleep but has been on multiple other meds off and on with the same results. She has documented every incident the school has told her about and has given the school additional information about the situation at home. And she has given her daughter's psych medication provider all the information as well and left multiple voicemails when incidents come up to let the provider know and it is hardly ever addressed, even in the next appointment. I forgot to add that my friend has said her 10 year old daughter will get very impulsive and rough with the 5 year old daughter and she is worried she's going to actually hurt her.
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!

10 year old verbally abusive, explosive, has tics. Mom beside herself and on the verge on a nervous breakdown.
This isn't the typical "asking for a friend" post...I really am asking for a friend. A friend I know has a 10 year old daughter, 5 year old daughter and 17 year old step son. The two girls live together with my friend and het husband (the girls' dad) and the step son lives with his mom. This friend has expressed to me over time some of the things going on with her 10 year old and I am becoming increasingly worried about my friend's well-being dealing with all this as well as what could possibly be going on with her daughter. Her daughter CONSTANTLY tells my friend to f*** off or f*** you and is angry and threatening and demeaning from sun up to sun down. The minute my friend taps her to wake up in the morning she will say "get your hands off me" or "don't touch me" and my friend occasionally get a frustrated and teary eyed with these verbal beat downs and her daughter will say "oh you're gonna cry now mom?" In a snotty tone. She'll call my friend "stupid", "dumb", and has threatened to tell her teachers if my friend tries to spank or discipline her. Yet this little girl has been kicked out of school multiple times. Yes! Kicked out!! And the classroom has had to be cleared and the cops have had to be called more than once because of her behavior. She has told her mom she's "going to kill" her and will sometimes tell her mom "why don't you just kill me". Her daughter currently takes adderall for adhd and trazadone for sleep but has been on multiple other meds off and on with the same results. She has documented every incident the school has told her about and has given the school additional information about the situation at home. And she has given her daughter's psych medication provider all the information as well and left multiple voicemails when incidents come up to let the provider know and it is hardly ever addressed, even in the next appointment.
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!

10 year old verbally abusive, explosive, has tics. Mom beside herself and on the verge on a nervous breakdown.
This isn't the typical "asking for a friend" post...I really am asking for a friend. A friend I know has a 10 year old daughter, 5 year old daughter and 17 year old step son. The two girls live together with my friend and het husband (the girls' dad) and the step son lives with his mom. This friend has expressed to me over time some of the things going on with her 10 year old and I am becoming increasingly worried about my friend's well-being dealing with all this as well as what could possibly be going on with her daughter. Her daughter CONSTANTLY tells my friend to f*** off or f*** you and is angry and threatening and demeaning from sun up to sun down. The minute my friend taps her to wake up in the morning she will say "get your hands off me" or "don't touch me" and my friend occasionally get a frustrated and teary eyed with these verbal beat downs and her daughter will say "oh you're gonna cry now mom?" In a snotty tone. She'll call my friend "stupid", "dumb", and has threatened to tell her teachers if my friend tries to spank or discipline her. Yet this little girl has been kicked out of school multiple times. Yes! Kicked out!! And the classroom has had to be cleared and the cops have had to be called more than once because of her behavior. She has told her mom she's "going to kill" her and will sometimes tell her mom "why don't you just kill me". Her daughter currently takes adderall for adhd and trazadone for sleep but has been on multiple other meds off and on with the same results. She has documented every incident the school has told her about and has given the school additional information about the situation at home. And she has given her daughter's psych medication provider all the information as well and left multiple voicemails when incidents come up to let the provider know and it is hardly ever addressed, even in the next appointment.
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!

10 year old verbally abusive, explosive, has tics. Mom beside herself and on the verge on a nervous breakdown.
This isn't the typical "asking for a friend" post...I really am asking for a friend. A friend I know has a 10 year old daughter, 5 year old daughter and 17 year old step son. The two girls live together with my friend and het husband (the girls' dad) and the step son lives with his mom. This friend has expressed to me over time some of the things going on with her 10 year old and I am becoming increasingly worried about my friend's well-being dealing with all this as well as what could possibly be going on with her daughter. Her daughter CONSTANTLY tells my friend to f*** off or f*** you and is angry and threatening and demeaning from sun up to sun down. The minute my friend taps her to wake up in the morning she will say "get your hands off me" or "don't touch me" and my friend occasionally get a frustrated and teary eyed with these verbal beat downs and her daughter will say "oh you're gonna cry now mom?" In a snotty tone. She'll call my friend "stupid", "dumb", and has threatened to tell her teachers if my friend tries to spank or discipline her. Yet this little girl has been kicked out of school multiple times. Yes! Kicked out!! And the classroom has had to be cleared and the cops have had to be called more than once because of her behavior. She has told her mom she's "going to kill" her and will sometimes tell her mom "why don't you just kill me". Her daughter currently takes adderall for adhd and trazadone for sleep but has been on multiple other meds off and on with the same results. She has documented every incident the school has told her about and has given the school additional information about the situation at home. And she has given her daughter's psych medication provider all the information as well and left multiple voicemails when incidents come up to let the provider know and it is hardly ever addressed, even in the next appointment.
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!

This isn't the typical "asking for a friend" post...I really am asking for a friend. A friend I know has a 10 year old daughter, 5 year old daughter and 17 year old step son. The two girls live together with my friend and het husband (the girls' dad) and the step son lives with his mom. This friend has expressed to me over time some of the things going on with her 10 year old and I am becoming increasingly worried about my friend's well-being dealing with all this as well as what could possibly be going on with her daughter. Her daughter CONSTANTLY tells my friend to f*** off or f*** you and is angry and threatening and demeaning from sun up to sun down. The minute my friend taps her to wake up in the morning she will say "get your hands off me" or "don't touch me" and my friend occasionally get a frustrated and teary eyed with these verbal beat downs and her daughter will say "oh you're gonna cry now mom?" In a snotty tone. She'll call my friend "stupid", "dumb", and has threatened to tell her teachers if my friend tries to spank or discipline her. Yet this little girl has been kicked out of school multiple times. Yes! Kicked out!! And the classroom has had to be cleared and the cops have had to be called more than once because of her behavior. She has told her mom she's "going to kill" her and will sometimes tell her mom "why don't you just kill me". Her daughter currently takes adderall for adhd and trazadone for sleep but has been on multiple other meds off and on with the same results. She has documented every incident the school has told her about and has given the school additional information about the situation at home. And she has given her daughter's psych medication provider all the information as well and left multiple voicemails when incidents come up to let the provider know and it is hardly ever addressed, even in the next appointment.
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!

I 29F live with my mom, older brother by 6 yrs and 95yr old grandma. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety from about 20yrs old and have probably been living with it since I was a child but didn't know what it was. Since I was a child I have had a lot of responsibility placed on me as the "gifted kid" that would "save and protect" the family and hold it together. Now, I wasn't aware I was being put into that role until I got to live and work abroad and had some time to reflect and also talk to peers to realise that most people don't live their childhood, teens and twenties supporting their family of adults - especially not as the youngest member of the household.
That job abroad felt like it was the first time doing something for myself and by myself but quickly became supporting the family financially and at every beck and call from abroad. My mom would vent to me about whatever is daunting on her emotionally, stressing her financially etc and being so used to it - I always made it become my problem to fix it. This lead to a problem where, I have no savings, no property that isn't tied to/shared with someone else, and I am constantly mentally drained and emotionally exhausted till I just don't have the mental capacity to work on my own goals and aspirations. Further stressing me out is I actually have a lot of big goals and aspirations and expectations I set to myself. Being so far behind, esp when it seems like its mostly not my fault (apart from my enabling it etc) doesn't do wonders for my mental health.
The usual pattern in my life is as soon as the slightest good thing happens, or even just a shift in my mental health (say motivation comes from somewhere and I really start to put plans into action) - something much worse happens that forces me back into my abyss. Except, it gets deeper and deeper every time. I'll spare you several examples.
So upon my realisation that I was probably "parentified", that my mom is far too reliant on me as a second breadwinner and that I am functionally her husband - I wrote her a letter saying I was pulling the plug on all that, that they all needed to learn how to live without relying on me because I don't even want kids and don't see why I am supporting adults when I don't even live there at the moment. I was going to express that they are fundamentally holding me back and that it has to and would stop.
Unfortunately, before I could finish that letter, mom calls to say she was diagnosed with cancer. Now this too would be somehow my issue to fix cause my brother though working always made less than me and he was extremely unwilling to take care of mom. Even to just take her to doctors appointments he couldn't be bothered to do, preferring to just work instead. While I was abroad I had to ask my friends and mom had to ask her friends for that kind of support and I eventually hired a caregiver that I sent money back home (in addition to my usual financial aid). Eventually it would come to pass that mom would need chemo and the possibility she may not survive. I was afraid to come home lest all the burden of this naturally high stress situation fell on me - but at the same time what if she doesn't make it and I never saw her again?
I couldn't afford a roundtrip airfare and the arrangement with my job was if I terminated at the end of my contract without renewing I could go home at my employer's expense. I decided to quit and come home after a less than hopeful conversation with my mom's oncologist. This meant financially we'd be reliant on mom's regular burdened by debt income, her insurance and my brother's income (this never happened btw) to get by since I am now jobless.
What I feared happening happened exactly AND more! Not only did the caregiver I hired eventually walk off the job which made me mom's primary caregiver, her nurse, her chauffer, personal assistant and courier. I also became the housekeeper, the shot caller, the household manager, the cook, the plumber... you get the idea. On top of that, my brother would be a regular thorn in the side because he would throw tantrums when I needed the car to do things for mom (mom and I own the car but mom started to let him drive it while I was away since he recently got his license). He was highly uncooperative with handling his own personal responsibilities (eg taking care of his cats), as well as anything where I would need extra help with mom. My grandma also would complicate things ( she has always been a narcistic bitch and no one in the family likes her but mom insists she has to stay cause mom is a pushover - you see who I get it from yes. Grandma would actively compete with my mom for pity points, faking sickness, deliberately making herself sick, exerting herself unnecessarily to then feign weakness and guilt trip me - all because she wanted the same attention that I gave the cancer patient.
Mom too, would put me under emotional duress cause in all this she also wanted me to do everything and be happy about it even if I had to pretend. She would start to make demands, oddly specific meal requests of someone who does not cook at all, demand having access to me at all times of day, and if I were to take free time out of the house by myself, she would insist I need to do something for the house or for her while I was out esp if I was going to use her car (the car we both own, that when we bought she told me it was mine and the car that is officially willed to me - yes that one). We also had several arguments where I learned she always thought that cause I was the "smart one" she expected that I could be fully left to my devices and I'd turn out fine and she could rely on me to take care of my deadbeat, driven-less, lazy, lonely, woman-blaming incel and approaching sexually deviant brother after she eventually passes. Cause she is confident that he may never learn to fully adult. And she is likely right by her own fault was she coddles him and shields him from every form of consequence of his action or inaction and is very hesitant about any kind of tough love for him but when it comes to me - even with the slightest of things/benefits she will quickly withhold because "I am inherently more privileged" than he is.
In all of this, my friends when I reach out for support never want to show up. They don't want to deal with any of my problems. No one wants to let me stay even for a week to get a break from my household. Most of them anyway I can't even trust cause they see me as their scapegoat for female touch and affection and since I am no longer willing to pity their loneliness they have gone extremely cold and some try to skirt around touching me inappropriately when they're around me.
Now, I also live in a poor country where pay is always shit. I still only have a bachelors in something that pays extra shit at entry level esp in my country. Peers in my country have very different interests than me usually which is how I am still with the same circle of misfits I have from high school as friends. There's not really anything to do at home that interests me - career wise or entertainment wise. Which is why getting out was such a high priority. But as you can see that's always been and continues to be put on the back burner.
Now that mom is doing much better, its back to looking at exiting cause I will not ever feel better if I stay in this house or even in that country. And my family can thank themselves for finally pushing me to the point where I really don't care what happens to them once I am confidently gone.
So I have shit family, shit friends, no job, my family is actively trying to strip me of any kind of power or leverage with what I do own, changing the conversation as necessary if it means I stay trapped. All because I unfortunately expressed that I want out and that I am not of the opinion that family is everything or blood is thicker than water. Once I get a job, it probably won't pay well enough to rent and apparently the car I part own isn't really mine while I live in my mom's house (which is also legally, partially mine) by her logic. Public transit is very expensive, so if I rent without a car that's even more money I'd have to make. I'd also have to accept the risks that come with public transit in a murder-loving country esp a murder-against-women-loving country vs just brute forcing the mental trauma of staying at that pitiful excuse of a home.
This was a lot longer than planned and if you read all of that, thank you. Sincerely. If you have any tips on how to cope in a high stress, high pressure environment besides hobbies, meditation and exercise - enlighten me. If you skipped to the end, I am not doing a TLDR. I will just wish you blessings and I hope that your life is on a better trend than mine ever was.

Previous Part
At some Point Bianca and I both fell back asleep. It was all I could do at this point, getting whisked away back to those mines seemed inevitable so I might as well sleep. The morning did not go well, largely due to Bianca, who threw me off the couch with a scream when she woke up.
“What’re you doing!”
Bianca squeaked, hand darting towards her pants pocket where her dagger would usually be. I woke up very quickly somewhere between the couch and the floor. I was fully awake by the time I was pushing myself back to me feet, raising my hands in a gesture of surrender.
“What’s going on?! You’re fine you just fell asleep on my couch!”
“Why were you… why was I?”
“Hey, calm down alright. We had a few drinks last night and I guess we both fell asleep on the couch together, that’s all that happened.”
I explained, leaving out the part where she pulled me back when I tried to go to my own room earlier.
“Yeah… yeah ok. Ugh my head is killing me.”
Bianca groaned, taking a breath or two then putting her head in her hands. I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was probably hungover so I just went to the kitchen to make something for her.
I decided on toast and some bananas, it was always a go to for me after a long night. In hindsight I probably should’ve seen her reaction coming. Look at what she did in the caves because that guy grabbed her, it can’t be that much better waking up on someones shoulder and not quite remembering it. The whole thing did give me second thoughts though. If she was such a live wire did I really want her stressing out over the trials and whatever that would bring? I suppose it was too late for that though, she’d already moved herself into my house so she could keep watch, for all the good that did seeing as Shaoni waltzed right in last night.
I still had a lot on my mind when the smell of burning toast sobered me up. I swore and ran over to salvage what I could of the blackening toast.
“What’s burning in here?”
Bianca asked a little worry creeping into her voice. She still had her head clasped firmly between her hands as she walked into the kitchen.
“Breakfast”
I replied flatly, holding my arms out to either side gesturing to the mild chaos I was causing. Bianca gave me an questioning, “thanks” and grabbed the plate I had made for her while I tried to think of what to do next. Like it or not, Shaoni had people coming to pick me up and take me back out to those caves today. I had to come up with some kind of game plan and right now, it seemed letting Frank and Stein know was the best idea.
Bianca stayed back at my place nursing her hangover when I left to visit the mad scientist duo. I had no problem with that, in fact it was probably best because I’m sure she would’ve insisted on going with me if she heard I planed to take Shaoni’s “invitation”. I wasn’t sure if Shaoni would let me take Bianca with me and personally I’d rather not push her buttons and try to negotiate bringing a plus one.
“Have you seen Bianca at all?”
Frank asked hurriedly as I came in. I was afraid of this, She hadn’t told them anything and just disappeared.
“Yeah, she pretty much moved the contents of her room to my couch yesterday. Something about keeping an eye on me, she’s fine though, I wouldn’t worry.”
I answered, a little worried myself that I’d catch hell from them if they knew she was currently working her way through her first hangover on that same couch. Frank seemed to calm down at that and finally got to asking the important questions like why was I back in the house… again.
“So let us get this straight, you just plan to go right to Shaoni?”
Frank and Stein said together in disbelief as the three of us sat at the kitchen table.
“It’s not like I really have a choice in the matter, besides I can’t really fight her if she wants me to go somewhere. If I try a stunt like that things go from bad to worse for me.”
They both shook their heads in solemn agreement, recognizing I was right.
“Anyways, I had a thought on the way over here, Thunderbirds are something from native American legend right? Well, if we’ve found a real one wouldn’t she have ties to a tribe or something in the area? She was sleeping here when they woke her up in the mine, maybe there was a reason for that, maybe she was close to home?”
I explained, hoping g they’d catch on to what I was asking.
“What exactly are you getting at then Keith?”
Frank questioned, furrowing his brow with an intrigued look on his face. Stein just remained silent but I could tell he was thinking, maybe even coming to the same conclusion as I had.
“What I’m thinking, is we check reservations in the area. Maybe they know something about the creature from their legends that just so happened to be sleeping nearby. I know it’s a stretch but maybe we could learn something useful. I’d go myself but I’m not going to have the chance. You guys though, you guys could take Bianca and Rocco with you and ask around.”
I explained, hoping I was onto something. I was pulling at straws but it was the best idea I had at a moments notice. Plus it would get Bianca out of town for a little while when I was figuring out what exactly Shaoni’s trails would mean for me.
“Keith that’s… no that actually makes sense let me check some maps.”
Stein agreed, walking away and into the basement. He came back a few minutes later with a map in his hand.
“There’s a Seneca reservation not to far from here, maybe 30 miles. That’s not the only one but I have a friend there from years ago, someone I helped. There’s a good chance he’d be willing to return the favor.”
“Great, then I’ll count on you. I’ll let Bianca know, I’m sure she won’t be happy about it but I’ll feel better if she’s with all of you.”
I walked out in a rush to get back home, almost stepping on Rocco on my way to the door. He made a frightening chittering hissing sound at me as he leapt out of my path. I briefly wondered where he was going and what he was up to, probably better I didn’t know though. As I got onto the bike and headed back towards home I hoped I’d be able to talk Bianca into going along with this plan. I was sure she’d rather come with me but after this morning I wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure she wants to help and I know she means well but she’s jumpy and snaps at the littlest things. I didn’t want her to make things worse by accident or get hurt because she froze up again. My mind was made up as I drew nearer to my house but as it turned out I’d never have the chance to talk to Bianca. As soon as I rounded the corner I saw the rusty pick up waiting in front of my house, I’d arrived just in time to meet Shaoni’s “helpers”.
The men looked normal, just like the people in the cave. Come to think of it they could very well be those same people. I waved them over as I came to a stop in-front of the house.
“Can I just go in and grab a few things?”
I asked the three men sheepishly as I walked up.
“No, your late as it is, we’ve got to get going.”
A scruffy looking man with a gruff voice said from the drivers seat. Two men got out from the back of the truck and grabbed my arms, pulling me into the back seat. They weren’t rough with me but they were very firm. Like they wanted to hurt me but were ordered not to so they just made a show of force. After I was loaded into the back I saw the reason for their demeanor. One of the men, the one in the front passenger seat, was wrapped in bandages. The bandages covered his abdomen and snaked up around the back of his neck. It was pretty obvious to me that this was the man Bianca had stabbed. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say these four were probably the same ones we had encountered in the cave. As I turned and looked out the window I saw Bianca’s face peaking out of it. She looked angry and scared, like she knew exactly what was happening but she didn’t move. Bianca just sat there, watching me be taken away and I cursed myself for not being just a little bit faster on the ride back.
We took a way out of town I’d never seen before, turning away from the road leading to the dirt path we had biked down on our expedition into the forest. Instead we drove back through town, past Bianca’s house and the Eagle’s Roost before hanging a right onto a road I’d never been down. Eventually the road made its way into the forest and ended at a wooden sign warning that the road was impassable ahead. The driver stopped the truck and got out as another man emerged from the woods, holding up his hand and opening it to reveal the eagle tattoo I’d become so familiar with. The driver rolled up his sleeve and showed his own similar tattoo. Without a word he got back into the truck and the other man moved the sign off the road. It didn’t fill me with confidence to see the entrance to this place watched in such a way. It would make sense to have it hidden but being so brazenly out in the open meant they didn't really care who saw it. Not that anyone would think anything other than that the road was impassable but still. The truck eventually pulled off the road and into the woods, following a newly made track that lead to the entrance of the old mine that we escaped from just 2 days ago.
“I think you know your way in.”
The driver growled at me, parking the truck and signaling me to step out.
“Your just letting me walk myself in? Couldn’t I just run?”
“You could but do you think you could outrun her?”
He asked threateningly, pointing up at the sky. I knew exactly who he was talking about and no, I didn’t like my chances of running from Shaoni.
“She gave us all orders to leave any runners to her.”
At that moment I decided it may be good idea to be on my best behavior.
“Yeah that’s what I thought.”
The driver barked back at me as I obediently walked towards the entrance.
Walking into the mine I realized it had undergone a huge transformation in a very short time. The walls were now host to several torches that lit the pathway back down to the coliseum. It felt like I was walking into the dark ages as I made my way down into this pit by torchlight. Although I had to admit it was homey in an “evil layer” kind off way. The coliseum was lit up with torchlight as well but its not what drew my attention. Where the awful metal structure met the stone roof of the cave I looked into a brewing storm. Lightning flashed across the roof but there was no sound of thunder. Raindrops shown in the shadows cast by the lightning but I felt none of them on my skin. I had to admit, it was a pretty impressive trick. Paintings adorned the walls, all of them seeming to be tribal in nature. Many seemed to be various depictions of the thunderbird.
“Well at least she doesn’t have an ego”
I chuckled to myself as I walked into the center off the coliseum.
There were four other people waiting in the center of the floor. A clean shaven, well dressed man relaxed against the wall of the arena. He had perfectly trimmed slicked back blonde hair and a chiseled face. His rippling muscles seemed to be for vanity rather than strength. Just by looking at him I could tell I wasn’t going to like him. The only one of the bunch I knew, Robert, stood on the far side of the coliseum, watching me approach. He looked about the same as he had from the brief glance I got at the Eagle’s Roost. Balding white hair and a unkempt beard hung off his sagging face. Despite his age he carried himself with purpose, like he deserved to be there and wanted everyone else to know it. Then there was the blonde bombshell that was making her way towards the chiseled blonde guy. She seemed incredibly confident in herself but none of it was a show. Her confidence came from a place that made her absolutely sure of it. The final person stood in the corner and seemed to be talking to himself. He was a middle aged man of native American descent with a mess of black hair atop his head. He carried a look in his eyes that spoke of wisdom beyond his years.
I walked past all of them and took a seat on the floor, trying my hardest to ignore them. The effort was ultimately wasted as the muscular blonde guy walked over and held out a hand.
“Hey, my names Brooke, you are?”
My blood turned to ice as he said that, it couldn’t be the same Brooke Bianca told me about, could it? I stared dumbly at him for a moment before I responded.
“I’m… uh… Keith. Any idea what we’re doing here?”
“No clue, only know that the thunderbird wanted us here so we came. Hopefully she makes good on her promise, to me at least.”
His voice sounded like the “to cool for you” bully from any 80’s movie, it was almost annoying to listen to him.
“So you’ve met everyone else I take it?”
“Yeah, the weird guy in the corner is John, we don’t know much about him but apparently him and that Robert guy, the old one with the beard, worked for the thunderbird. Katrina, that beauty over there is a wild card, no-one seems to know anything about her but she looks like she’s hot shit and well, just plain hot.”
As Brooke gave me the run down of everyone in the room I quietly wondered to myself if Shaoni had given everyone the same offer as me. The way Brooke had said it, “promise”… that wasn’t how I would’ve phrased it. Maybe Shaoni cut everyone here a unique deal.
“…Anyways, I’m gonna go see if I can’t figure out that bombshell’s deal, I’ll see ya later Keith.”
Apparently Brooke had been talking to me the whole time but I only tuned in for the tail end of it as he walked off toward Katrina. I wondered where exactly Shaoni was, I had expected her to be here already but, as it turned out I wouldn’t have to wait long.
A thunderous boom cracked out above our heads and we all looked up at once, but the sound was coming from outside. I heard the flap of wings as Shaoni came in for a landing somewhere above our heads. It went so silent we could’ve heard a mosquito cough, then Shaoni stepped into the room. Not from either entrance but from a balcony above us I hadn’t seen before. She was wearing the same thing she had been when I ran into her in the cave, once again looking like a hardened, tattooed Pocahontas.
“Welcome everyone! I take it you’ve gotten to know each other?”
She thundered down to us as we all shot to attention.
“I’ve gathered you here to give a gift to one of you, but you must prove yourselves deserving. I’ve told some of you what I intended to do here and others may be hearing it for the first time. So for those of you who are gathering here for the first time pay attention. There will be three trials held here, one to test your morals, one to test your strength, and one to test your judgement.”
At this point Brooke spoke up in the way only a spoiled little shit like him could.
“You made me a promise! You never said anything about trials! I got all the way out here to this shitty little backwater and now your telling me I’ve got to compete to earn what you owe me?! Sorry, but I’m going to need more than that.”
Shaoni looked like she could’ve ended him right there. She was the judge and jury here, if Brooke wasn’t careful she’d become the executioner too.
“What you asked me for is in this town, that’s all I will say on the matter.”
Shaoni responded with less venom than I had expected judging by her expression. She didn’t actually seem to care that she had to tell him something to shut him up. It was the insult of being interrupted that struck a nerve. I was a little concerned by what she said, if he was looking for something that was in town and Bianca was there… could he be looking for her? “…Today though, just enjoy the company of one another. You’re all welcome to stay here at the camp I’ve had prepared for you outside. If you wish to return to town you may but you will be watched. No-one is to leave town until the trials are completed.”
Shaoni finished, I hadn’t really been listening to her welcome speech. She said everything I cared about when she told us what the trials where going to test for, after that I kind of tuned out. Shaoni disappeared in a flash, just like she had back at my house the day before and with that the five of us were alone again. I left, heading back outside to see this camp she mentioned. The others talked with each other but I really had no desire to. That didn’t stop Robert from running to catch up with me, wheezing when he got there.
“Hey you’re the one who ran out of the bar the other night! She’s said a lot about you, I’d almost think she had a favorite.”
Robert huffed out between breaths, punching me in the arm in a friendly but wholly unwelcome way.
“I’ve heard you know nothing about the supernatural, I’d be happy to tell you what I’ve seen working with Shaoni.”
Robert offered, fishing for any reason to hold a conversation with me.
“No, that’s alright really, I’ll manage. What do you guys do anyways, working for her I mean? I get the sense she could really run this whole operation on her own if she wanted.”
“She probably could do this alone. Most of the time we don’t work directly with her, this is a special case for those of us she’s got helping with the trials. There’s maybe 50 of us total and not just here, I mean 50 of us overall. She’s very selective with the followers she keeps so there isn’t many of us. We tend to sit around up-holding her ideals till she asks something of us through dreams, like the ones that brought you here.”
Robert explained, confusing me a little bit. I found it hard to believe a crew of 50 people got everything here done. I guess it wasn’t to outlandish when put in perspective though. If you told me Shaoni got all this done herself I probably would’ve believed you so 50 people organized by her, yeah I could see that.
“Wait, so you guys barley ever actually work with her, and what are her ideals exactly?”
“Have you heard the legends of the thunderbird? A lot of it depicts the thunderbird as a spirit of justice that fights evil spirits from the underworld, that’s really watered down but you get the point. I’ve never seen her do anything like that but she does uphold a certain sense of justice and that’s what she expects of us. Sure, she seems really intimidating but she wants to right wrongs that no one else will, it makes her a little harsh but she has to be. We just do that same thing when we aren’t getting orders right from her. Maybe you think she’s in the wrong here because she pulled you into this but we really want to help, sometimes there’s a price for that.”
Robert lectured, you could tell he really believed in what he was saying though. He may have been older but when he was telling me about the thunderbird and what she stood for he was filled with vigor again. Maybe he’s not as bad as I thought, I wanted all these people working for her to be some kind of weird cult like in Imalone. The more I heard the more I doubted that. They were people who followed her for a reason, not just because she gave them some kind of power. In reality I think what she really gave them was purpose. That sort of thing is more than enough for most people to follow someone.
When I broke away from Robert and got outside I found a huge camp had been set up while we were in the cave. Tepees of various sizes had been constructed all around the entrance to the old mine and one big canvas tent had a huge table running through it filled with food. For 50 people these followers of the thunderbird sure worked fast. I hadn’t decided if I wanted to go back to town yet. I hoped Frank and Stein had convinced Bianca to go with them, at least then they could get some answers while I was stuck here. If they were gone though what reason did I have to go back? As long as I was out here surrounded by people who work with Shaoni maybe I could get some answers of my own. I wasn’t really sure what information about Shaoni would do for us but she was a mystery to me. Everyone was here for a reason, I agreed to take on a burden, Brooke was here because of some promise Shaoni made, and I’m sure the rest had similar stories. Shaoni gained nothing from any of that though, besides this burden I had agreed to take. I’m not sure why, but it felt like figuring out what She stood to gain from this was important. If I could do that maybe I could put the pieces to this puzzle together. Two people had pointed out I knew nothing about the supernatural as well, Shaoni and Robert. That didn’t seem to matter to much to me but if all the others here had some experience in it maybe it should. It seemed like we were all on a level playing field though, Brooke hadn’t heard about the trials and neither had I. Robert and that strange John guy probably had some idea but they worked with Shaoni, I would expect them to know. Katrina, the blonde was probably just as surprised as Brooke, if I had to guess. None of us knew exactly what the trials would test for, so why did everyone keep brining up not knowing about the supernatural like it put me at a disadvantage?
“Why indeed.”
A familiar voice said, sending lightning through my veins and breaking my train of thought. I just about tossed the turkey leg I’d been eating directly at the source of the noise.
“Shaoni, you have got to stop doing that.”
I said, crawling back into my skin after she scared me out of it. Shaoni still looked just as she had when she addressed us earlier, adorned in her animal skins and feathers. It took me a second but it finally clicked that she had said something strange when she sat down next to me.
“Hang on a minute, can you read my mind? Was I thinking out loud or something?”
“No, you just looked lost in thought and I figured I’d chime in.”
“Oh, alright… why?”
I squeaked out, abruptly realizing that this was Shaoni, the thunderbird who was sitting next to me. There was a second there where I wasn’t as intimidated by her as I normally was but it had passed quickly.
“I wanted to know how your doing, I know all this can’t be easy to take in.”
“I’m doing fine, I think I’m adjusting pretty well but I did want to ask you some questions.”
An amused look ran across Shaoni’s face at this. She wasn’t being as commanding as before either, she almost seemed to genuinely care about my well-being.
“Would you walk with me, I’ll answer your questions on the way.”
Shaoni asked, standing and waiting for me to follow her. Not seeing any better options I stood up and left alongside her.
We walked around the perimeter of the camp, out of ear shot of anyone else. I’m sure she did that on purpose, though I wasn’t sure if it was so no-one could hear my screams if I asked a question she didn’t like or if she just wanted privacy.
“Why me Shaoni? Why chose me out of everyone, was it just a coincidence?”
“Straight to the point hmm. Think Keith, when I found you in the position you were in you needed my help. Sure, I planned to dispose of the cultists that were threatening you anyways but I stopped to help you. You saw me descend from the sky, swoop down, and bring them to their knees, I extended an offer to you and you just took it. You didn’t bargain or ask for anything more after I shattered your perception of what does and doesn’t exist, just accepted my offer. Most people would have bargained, tried to look for a better deal for themselves but you saw what the price of my help would be and paid it, no second thoughts. That interested me Keith, you recognized what had to be done and didn’t try to avoid the cost, that’s why I chose you.”
“So I appealed to whatever sense of justice you have? That’s it, that’s the only reason?”
She looked almost hurt as I asked this and she stopped walking. I definitely stepped on a nerve, I expected her to snap but she didn’t, She just asked very quietly,
“Do you think I’m a monster Keith?”
I was stunned by the question. Could I really say she was a monster? What had she done so far? Save me, that’s what, was that really so monstrous? Sure it may have come at a cost but nothing is ever free. Shaoni even came to warn me about the trials ahead of time, just barely ahead of time but it was something.
“No Shaoni, you’re not a monster just… someone with the powers you have… it’s terrifying for a normal person. Can you really say I’m in the wrong for being afraid of you?”
Even as I said it I knew it was a lie, at least partially. I wasn’t just afraid of her, I wanted her to be evil and she just wasn’t, not really. Maybe she was a bit intense but everything she had done to me so far couldn’t be called evil.
“Fear is only natural when you see something like me, but I’m not a monster. The thunderbird has always stood for justice. That’s what I represent, I can’t be everywhere but I make it a point to uphold justice where I am. Those who I’ve chosen to follow me hold my justice in their own town, in their own lives. I can be harsh but I am just.”
She said this with such intensity I had no choice but to believe her. Her conviction to justice was zealous but I still wanted to pry a little bit more.
“So what does justice mean to you then? I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I want to hear it from you,”
I asked, growing a little more confident in talking to Shaoni. For once I didn’t feel like she would kill me on a whim. Give her a reason, and Shaoni would do it without a second thought but I don’t think she cared that much about my questioning.
“Justice is black and white, right and wrong. Normally there’s a pretty good system in place to punish those that deserve it but sometimes things slip through the cracks, that’s where I come in. I take care of the heinous acts people get away with, people that think they’ve gotten away with murder, so to speak.”
“So your a vigilante then? That’s what I’m hearing here.”
“I wouldn’t be so crass but yes, I suppose you could call me a vigilante but I promise you that’s an oversimplification. Suffice it to say my opinion on matters of serving justice is respected.”
Shaoni seemed a little uncomfortable at the word “respect”, I think a better word would’ve been “feared”. I wasn’t going to say it to her but I knew she suspected it. I could see something about that really hurt her. I couldn’t put my finger on it, the reason Shaoni didn’t want to be feared. Despite being the scariest thing I’d seen so far she didn’t want to be known for that.
We talked for a while longer about a whole lot of nothing. Eventually we got back around to the camp and she bid me goodnight despite the fact it was 3 in the afternoon at the time. She was probably right though, I was going to need the rest if I wanted to be ready for the first trial tomorrow. I found my way to a tepee conveniently marked with my name. I didn’t remember it being marked before and I didn’t understand the point of giving us specific tepees, privacy I guess? The fur sleeping bag was a rustic but welcome touch and despite lacking the amenities of a usual home the tepee was quite comfortable. As I settled in for the night I heard a rustling on the far side of the tepee, then a voice, one whose heavy accent I recognized immediately.
“So, turns out they don’t check under the truck. Ya got me here with you now.”
Rocco said, emerging from a blanket in the corner. That revelation didn’t exactly set my mind at ease. Rocco must’ve sensed my apprehension to the fact that he was anywhere near me right now.
“What?! I’m here to help out! I heard you going on about a trial or somethin’ so I figured I’d tag along under that truck when they picked you up, can’t have enough back up ya know.”
He continued, pulling a belt with several tools out from under the blanket as he spoke. I wasn’t pleased to have him here but maybe I could make use of him.
“I was hoping you’d go with Bianca and the other two but honestly, it might be nice to have a friendly face around here. Just… try to stay out of trouble.”
“Trouble? When do I ever get into trouble?”
I hoped he was being sarcastic, you can never tell with him. I bit my tongue as Rocco walked out into the camp, silently praying no-one would see him. With that I settled into my sleeping bag and tried to think of what I could expect from the first trial tomorrow.

What if the nurse reused the needle that he used to inject near the site of the wound from other patient then he used the same needle to give you injection? Location: philippines
Backstory: me and my daughter were getting prep but when its my daughter’s turn the nurse pulled out the capped of the syringe and then the needle wasnt on the syringe so i saw him looked on his desk so first he threw out something form his desk to his paper bag that he used to throw away needles then he grabbed the capped and screw it to the syringe and gave the vaccine to my daughte. I havent thought of it much but now im thinking what if he grabbed a dirty needle from a previous patient and used it to my daughter will my daughter get rabies from it? Also after 2 doses we stopped because in that bite center they are very unsterile but after a month i thought od this possibility we went to a private clinic to get the remainder dose but the thing is the Nurse recommends to do IM instead of ID with same dose of 0.1ml saying its the same effect and they do it to young children mine is 4 years old. She recommended that after i told her that the previous ID vaccine given to my chil both of them leaked. So i researched(google) that if its IM dose should be 1ml and not 0.1 for ID that means the dose given was insufficient and not sure it its enough to protect her in case she got exposed with rabiea virus. My anxiety is over the roof now. I wanted to have her titer check but its so hard to find a clinic or hospiral that does it here. The doctor recommends to go back on that clinic to get the full dose for IM or another ID but im bot sure if i should do that first my daughter is already terrified of injections and im not sure if it is safe to have another vaccine since last visit she was fiven 3rd and 4th dose on each arm stating we are 1 month behind already on schedule. I feel so bad i feel like i put my daughters life in danger because we took prep for rabies. I decided to get prep because one time we are eating ice cream and a dog passed by while salivation my amxiety kicked in and decided to have rabies vaccine.

Please if you have ANY insight, whether it is things you’ve personally experienced, wish you’d done different or have any other advice I want to know. I finally got her interested in the concept after mentioning how many alternative therapies there are now adays- such as those using psychedelics and MDMA to rewire the brain. This is about 6 years in the making of encouraging and begging her to go to therapy, so the stakes are high, and I’m terrified of messing this up. There’s a lot of contexts but in the interest of making this succinct ill just give the main points here and you can skip the context if need.
- I specifically need advice on:

• What kind of therapist I should be looking at for her needs (home based, post support need, alternative, CBT or other etc.)
• How to navigate her wanting to give up if rapport is not established with the first attempt.
• How to navigate if the therapist makes it worse/how to stress how delicate and important the situation is to a therapist
• How can I be involved in ensuring she is getting the right and best care as she is not good at communicating her needs or situation.
• If talk therapy is not helping, what therapies do you know of that have been successful in treating-treatment resistant depression.
• How to find the best therapist for her needs.
• In a nutshell I think her treatment would need to surround potential PTSD, childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, social anxiety and a lot of repression stemming from years of suppressed trauma.
• She does not like driving places it makes her anxious, she does not work and spends her days doing crafts, hobbies, being a house wife and being with her animals.

~Context:~
- Treatment history:
o Has tried antidepressants/anxieties for many years, id say she’s been depressed for at least 20 years. Different varieties to. Dads a doctor so classic pill pusher.
- General history:
o She is south African (although we are in Aus now). Their culture is not very open about mental health.
o She was a nurse in south Africa in the 90’s, she has spoken briefly of the things she saw and the stuff she describes is not something that has ever been depicted in movies or books it is that bad. She never sought therapy for this.
o She then met my father, a few months in got married and then uprooted her whole life to move to Australia, leaving every family member and friend behind.
o She had my autistic brother and sister, and my father was emotionally absent. He worked nonstop and the support was mainly limited to financial. Meaning she did everything herself. I am ADHD to, so she may have some undiagnosed disorder.
o The 20 years from when her eldest was born were filled with extreme stress for her, until now she has never been interested in or ever had close friends. Meaning she had quite an isolated existence.
o She is communication aversive, potentially childhood trauma of being shamed for speaking out about struggling or her mental health. She shuts down, becomes depressed, overwhelmed and isolates if she is confronted with speaking about her feelings surrounding her mental health.
o At around 40-45 she had her ovaries removed- following she tried HRT, but didn’t realize that she was not absorbing it, leading to a few years of psychotic behavior, extremely traumatic depression, completely suicidal although never attempted. Ever since she has been on AD and after years of chronic depression, she is so exhausted she believes she won’t be able to continue indefinitely. That is why I’m so anxious to get this right, I don’t think she has the stamina to go through multiple therapists or whether shed even try again if the first one sucks.
o She has never considered therapy because she says the minute she starts trying to unlock those things she’s suppressed and try to talk about them its so painful it triggers her depression and suicidal thoughts intensely, but the meds are not working anymore, and she finally seems open to giving something a shot.
In conclusion I’ve left a lot out, but I believe this is a complex case, far more than just find a therapist and go see them as I’d normally suggest. I am 22yo, I’ve had therapy to deal with her through her abusive years. I have a special interest in psychology and have worked on getting her to be open to this for a very long time. If you know of any other places, I could ask this too, let me know. Apologies if this is the wrong place to post about this. If you are someone who can relate to her and have sought treatment yourself or for someone you love please enlighten me. TIA for all assistance.

* TW mention of suicidal thoughts
Please if you have ANY insight, whether it is things you’ve personally experienced, wish you’d done different or have any other advice I want to know. I finally got her interested in the concept after mentioning how many alternative therapies there are now adays- such as those using psychedelics and MDMA to rewire the brain. This is about 6 years in the making of encouraging and begging her to go to therapy, so the stakes are high, and I’m terrified of messing this up. There’s a lot of contexts but in the interest of making this succinct ill just give the main points here and you can skip the context if need.
- I specifically need advice on:

• What kind of therapist I should be looking at for her needs (home based, post support need, alternative, CBT or other etc.)
• How to navigate her wanting to give up if rapport is not established with the first attempt.
• How to navigate if the therapist makes it worse/how to stress how delicate and important the situation is to a therapist
• How can I be involved in ensuring she is getting the right and best care as she is not good at communicating her needs or situation.
• If talk therapy is not helping, what therapies do you know of that have been successful in treating-treatment resistant depression.
• How to find the best therapist for her needs.
• In a nutshell I think her treatment would need to surround potential PTSD, childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, social anxiety and a lot of repression stemming from years of suppressed trauma.
• She does not like driving places it makes her anxious, she does not work and spends her days doing crafts, hobbies, being a house wife and being with her animals.

~Context:~
- Treatment history:
o Has tried antidepressants/anxieties for many years, id say she’s been depressed for at least 20 years. Different varieties to. Dads a doctor so classic pill pusher.
- General history:
o She is south African (although we are in Aus now). Their culture is not very open about mental health.
o She was a nurse in south Africa in the 90’s, she has spoken briefly of the things she saw and the stuff she describes is not something that has ever been depicted in movies or books it is that bad. She never sought therapy for this.
o She then met my father, a few months in got married and then uprooted her whole life to move to Australia, leaving every family member and friend behind.
o She had my autistic brother and sister, and my father was emotionally absent. He worked nonstop and the support was mainly limited to financial. Meaning she did everything herself. I am ADHD to, so she may have some undiagnosed disorder.
o The 20 years from when her eldest was born were filled with extreme stress for her, until now she has never been interested in or ever had close friends. Meaning she had quite an isolated existence.
o She is communication aversive, potentially childhood trauma of being shamed for speaking out about struggling or her mental health. She shuts down, becomes depressed, overwhelmed and isolates if she is confronted with speaking about her feelings surrounding her mental health.
o At around 40-45 she had her ovaries removed- following she tried HRT, but didn’t realize that she was not absorbing it, leading to a few years of psychotic behavior, extremely traumatic depression, completely suicidal although never attempted. Ever since she has been on AD and after years of chronic depression, she is so exhausted she believes she won’t be able to continue indefinitely. That is why I’m so anxious to get this right, I don’t think she has the stamina to go through multiple therapists or whether shed even try again if the first one sucks.
o She has never considered therapy because she says the minute she starts trying to unlock those things she’s suppressed and try to talk about them its so painful it triggers her depression and suicidal thoughts intensely, but the meds are not working anymore, and she finally seems open to giving something a shot.
In conclusion I’ve left a lot out, but I believe this is a complex case, far more than just find a therapist and go see them as I’d normally suggest. I am 22yo, I’ve had therapy for dealing with her through her abusive years. I have a special interest in psychology and have worked on getting her to be open to this for a very long time. If you know of any other places, I could ask this too, let me know. Apologies if this is the wrong place to post about this. If you are someone who can relate to her and have sought treatment yourself or for someone you love please enlighten me. TIA for all assistance.

Sort of a reference to this https://www.reddit.com/NatureofPredators/s/ASiX51M6GI
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Hey all! Welcome to the Tellus Child Services Q&A thread. If you got any questions about raising and/or caring for human children, ask away below or PM me directly. Your email address will not be publicly displayed and we will be discrete about your personal info, but we would appreciate if you would give your species so we can have some context to answer your questions with. Unless you chose otherwise, your species will be public and represented by an initial at the side of your user tag.
Please note that racist commentary will not be tolerated and will be taken down. I know there’s some hard feelings going on out there, but leave our kids out of it.
David Schneider, Head of Tellus’s Department of Child Services.
COMMENT HERE

• [ ] I am not a robot

What Species are you? - [ ] Smigli - [ ] Krev - [ ] Resket - [ ] Jaslip - [ ] Trombil - [ ] Ulchid

• [ ] (Hide race?)

User Name: —————————— GUEST ——————————-
Email —————————————-
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COMMENT ———————————————————————————
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SCALEOF1210 (K): What kinda of toys do human pups like?
DAVID: I dunno, what kinda toys do Krev pups like?
SCALEOF1210 (K): Oh.
DAVID: It’s alright. Just try to think through that lens and you’ll do fine.
_
GUEST (S): Why is being without your “clothes” so embarrassing? Is it religious?
DAVID: Not exactly. It started out as a way to stay warm when we migrated out jungles and savanna’s, but the side effect was that it made the absence of coverings a) feel insecure, and b) an open floodgate of carnal attraction. So actually, to answer your question, we’re covering our reproductive organs. It’s a modesty thing. The practice got applied to the kids anyway.
GUEST (S): Female humans have sex organs on their chests?
DAVID: No. but female mammaries become more pronounced as they mature and tend to draw male sexual attention.
GUEST (S): Whyyyyyyyy?
DAVID: Simply put: they remind us of mom.
GUEST (S): Ahhhhhhh!
DAVID: I was really trying to avoid spelling that out, y’know?
GUEST (S): Hey man, I don’t have have feet. Why would I care about tiptoeing?
DAVID: Huh. You know, I really think I’m learning a lot about Smiglis.
GUEST (S): Hey! Good for you! 🎉
_
GUEST (R): What’s wrong with regurgitation feeding? It helps with digestion.
DAVID: Maybe for avians, but It’s not sanitary for humans. We have a different digestion/immune setup. And no offense, It’s also just really, really gross to us.
_
GUEST (K): How do you hold a human pup?
DAVID: For Krev, cradle them in the your arm and be sure to support their head. That’s important because it’s too heavy for them to hold up by themselves. Again, no tail rides until they’re at least two years old.
_
SNOWFLOWER333 (J): Do humans kits really need to nurse well into adolescence? I don’t think I can keep it up for that long….
DAVID: Hang on, are you saying you’ve been NURSING one of your charges?
SNOWFLOWER333 (J): Right along side my own. I know Tommy’s not a jaslip and that it’s not human milk, but I figure it’s still better for him than formula. Should I not?
DAVID: Uhhhh… dunno. I’m gonna discuss this with my colleagues. In the meantime, stick to the formula we sent.
SNOWFLOWER333 (J): Alright, David. Though, about that first question….
DAVID: Long story short: we’d harvest milk from domestic bovines as a culinary ingredient and breakfast time staple, but breast feeding stops with infancy. You wouldn’t be sucking a teenager.
SNOWFLOWER333 (J): 😅oh good!
DAVID: Would be a little awkward, huh?
SNOWFLOWER333 (J):🤣A little.
_
GUEST (U): How do you hold a human pup?
DAVID: Cradled in your…. flipper. I guess. Just keep their head supported, it too heavy for them to hold up. You can also hold them to your chest with their head resting over your shoulder.
GUEST (U): We don’t really have shoulders.
DAVID: Nnnnnevermind then.
_
OBORSHINE (K): Is it okay to post my human child on the Internet?

DAVID: I suppose, but try not to embarrass him. OBORSHINE (K): 😜Aww but I’m a mom! Embarrassing him is my job! DAVID: In that case, we’ll send you his baby pics. 

OBORSHINE (K): Yeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss.
_
CALLMESPEED (T) Is it okay to give my child cybernetic implants to cure conditions?
DAVID: That will depend on what condition we’re talking about, but yes, probably. Be sure that they are approved by a human doctor, though.
_
GUEST (S): "Why do you have so many wiggly bits!"
DAVID: Erm, wiggly bits?
GUEST (S): “Yeah! With all the toesy toes and fingery things”
DAVID: Oh! Um, well other race have them too, but I guess ours ARE quite long and nimble. Well, we specialized pretty early on in tool manipulation, soooooooo.
GUEST (S): Raaaaaaaad!
DAVID: Happy to impress. I guess?
_
GUEST (J): How do you hold a human Kit?
DAVID: I wouldn’t know how to hold anything with a prehensile tail, you’re the experts there. But however you do it, be sure that you support the kids head. A human infants head is too heavy for them to hold up by themselves.
_
CALLMESPEED (T): Damn Schieder, always forcing us to cope with the weaknesses of the flesh, and denying us the certainty of steel.
DAVID: Ah, hello Malcom. Does Speed know you’ve hacked his account?
DAVID: Look, that’s not solely my decision kiddo. We put it to a vote. Maybe things will change in the future, but in the meantime, just wait till you’re 18 before you chop your limbs off. You can probably still get an implant, though.”
_
SHOPCLASSREJECT (S): Yeesh, David! How can my kid hit me with a ball from across the room?
DAVID: 😁Talent, my friend. Did you know that humans are being trained as grenadiers in the Consortium army? We have excellent throwing arms. Oh! Uh, you weren’t hurt though, were you?
SHOPCLASSREJECT (S): Eh, A little. My cheek is swollen, but it’s not like I had any bones or teeth to break.. I was mostly just surprised at how fast it came at me.
DAVID: Sorry Shopclass, He should have known better, but it’s a pretty common childhood offense for humans.
SHOPCLASSREJECT (S): Got a new rule, though: no throwing things in the house.
DAVID: Sounds like a good rule.
_
MRS.DOGGY (J): Hey, just got home with my kids and when I was helping Heather remove her foot coverings….. having 5 hind toes is normal for humans, correct? I just want to make sure.

DAVID: 😁 Correct. And we don’t have dewclaws either. MRS.DOGGY (J): Oh good! MRS.DOGGY (J): Erm , that it’s normal, I mean. 

_
GUEST (K): WHY WAS I REJECTED! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?
DAVID: Im sorry sir, I don’t know, but I’m sure it was anything against your character. Given our situation and our unfamiliarity with non-humans, we are being excessively cautious with our young and more than 75 percent of applicants were turned down as a result. Perhaps you can try again in a year or two when humanity is a little more accustomed to other sapient species. Please forgive us.
_
BUNCHBERRIES (K): So I noticed one of my female charges has enlarged mammories. Does that mean she secretly has children?
DAVID: No. It’s means she’s a teenager.
DAVID: That’s a normal development.
BUNCHBERRIES (K): 😮‍💨 Oh, thank you .
_
GUEST (R): How do you hold a human hatchling?
DAVID: Cradled in your wing-thing. Just keep their head supported, it too heavy for them to hold up themselves.
_
GUEST (S): How would one hold a human hatchling?
DAVID: cradled in your…. noodley appendage. Support their head.
_
GUEST (K): Me and my wife would like to foster, but- forgive me for asking- can we expect dung throwing to be a problem?
DAVID: 🤣HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nah. I understand why you’re asking, but we’re higher evolved than that.
_
GUEST (K): Can I have one?
DAVID: You can apply to adopt or foster a child, but that’s no guarantee. We are VERY discriminate about applicants, especially nonhuman ones. Before you put pen to paper, I would consider very carefully whether it’s a child you’re looking for or a pet.
GUEST (K): What’s a pen?
DAVID: Ah, the times we live in…
_
NANNYBIRD35 (R): Jackie has accurately described me as a “Big Bird”, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why he sings a song asking how to get to a place called Sess-Me Street every other time he sees me. Was there something special about that place? What does it have to do with ME?
DAVID: Ok, that’s funny! He thinks you’re a character named Big Bird from a children’s show called Sesame Street [Video link]. Btw, let me know if she ever calls a Krev “Oscar”. I’m gonna laugh.
_
MRS.DOGGY (J): What is a “doggie” anyway, and why do my kids call me that?
DAVID: I was WONDERING when that would come up. I didn’t think it would be useful to explain before, but we had these domestic canines back home called Dogs and you kinda resemble one. They were intelligent, trusty, loyal creatures that helped us hunt, herd livestock, guard our turf, and and were beloved members of our families. None of the kids have met a dog in the flesh, but they’ve been lionized in books and cartoons and your resemblance to them is strong enough to trigger an instinctive adoration we had towards them.
MRS.DOGGY (J): They…. think I’m a pet? Like with you and the Krev?
DAVID: Hey, if they haven’t told you to ”Sit” or “Roll over” I think you’re good. But the point is, the kids trust you implicitly, and when you’ve suddenly been thrown to aliens after living in a hole all your life, having a comforting face to keep you stable counts for a lot.
MRS.DOGGY (J): Oh! 😊Well, I think I can live with that.
_
OBORSHINE (K): How do I take care of Samsons head fur? It’s getting so long and tangled!
DAVID: Oh right. Only jaslips need to brush. We’ll send you a proper hair brush. In the meantime. Get a jaslip brush- one with wide bristle spacing- and gently comb the knots out, starting from the bottom and slowly working your way up. We can also try to get you in contact with a human who has experience cutting hair.
_
TEACUPGUY (K): Dang, I had no idea human fur would get longer. How much longer does it get?
DAVID: Down to their hips or farther. Doesn’t really stop. You’ll either want to get it trimmed or let grow so you can tie it up behind their heads.
_
GUEST (T): How do you hold a human hatchling?
DAVID: Cradled comfortably in whichever bionic limb is not capable of crushing a car. Make sure to keep their head supported. They don’t have the neck muscles to hold it up
GUEST (T): 😊 Oh that’s fixable.
DAVID: Thanks but NO.
_
BUNCHABERRIES (K): David! Jeremy’s caught the MONKEY POX!
DAVID: … The what?
BUNCHABERRIES (K): What do I do?! He’s been getting worse and worse all week!
DAVID: Stay cam Berries, What are the symptoms?
BUNCHABERRIES (K): He’s broken out in purple spots! And he’s aslo listless. Stomach ach. Head ach. Poor boy can’t even get out of bed! He just sits there and groans and today he asked if I was an “angel” I’m at wits end!
DAVID: Ah. THAT monkey pox. School’s in session, right?
BUNCHABERRIES (K): Is that really relevant?!
DAVID: Just trust me. Check his backpack. Is there a pen or marker that is the EXACT same color as the spots?
BUNCHABERRIES (K): There is.
BUNCHABERRIES (K): Why?
DAVID: Take it and draw a little dot next to the ones on his skin. Make it roughly the same size.
BUNCHABERRIES (K): Ok. Done.
BUNCHABERRIES (K): OH THAT SEAKY LITTLE-!
DAVID: My work here is done.
BUNCHABERRIES (K): HE IS SO GROUNDED!
_
HAPPYHATCHLINGS: David, this is Tisa at Happy Hatchlings Early Learning School. We’ve noticed that our human students can’t seem to get comfortable in their napping nests and keep hanging their feet over the edges. It’s like they can’t curl up!
DAVID: They can’t. Not long term, anyway, and not as tightly as other Consiortium races. You’re going to need longer, flatter beds that they can stretch out on and keep their spines relatively straight. We’ll be sure to send you some cots.
_
DADJOKE (K): 😉 Thanks for the sponges, but I think my wife’s got bathtime covered.
[Folder Attachments: 7 photos ]
[Pic 1: A shot of two shirtless human boys [ages 5 and 6] in makeshift “war paint” running screaming past the camera as a jaslip with a wild grin skids around the corner after them.]
[Pic 2: The victorious jaslip sits on her haunches with one of the boy hopelessly tangled in her tails and the other grappled between her forelegs. The latter is getting her full professional attention as she licks the warpaint off his face, ignoring his cries of disgust and attempts to wiggle free.]
[Pic 3: Said boy apparently opened his mouth at an inopportune moment and is now spitting and sputtering while Mama Jaslip laughs herself to tears.]
[Pic 4: One of the boys laughing hysterically as the jaslip pins him down across her forelegs and licks his belly.]
[Pic 5: a close up on one boy getting his hair worked on, wincing uncomfortably as Mama Jaslip get a blunt claw in his eyebrow while maneuvering his head this way and that for the right grooming angle.]
[Pic 6: Arm around the boys shoulder, Mama proudly presents her work to the camera; one mostly warpaint free human with a complimentary cowlick. The lock of hair is stuck straight up, stiff with spit, like an alfalfa leaf. Mama is winking at the camera and doing her best thumbs-up while the boy is shooting a disgruntled side eye at his brother who is laughing at the abominable hairdo.]
[Pic 7: Mama has one of the boys lying on his stomach while she leisurely grooming his back. He’s resting his chin on his arms, looking sleepy. His brother, nestled among Mama’s tails in the back ground, is yawning. Mama kinda looks tired herself.]
[Pic 8: All three of them are asleep. Mama seems to have nodded off on top of the boy she was cleaning, her head draped across his back. The other is lying against her side, his head barely visible above the nest of tails blanketing him].
DADJOKE (K): The kids have started calling her “The Kissy Monster” when she gets like this.
DAVID: Oh my gosh! This is so freaking cute! Do have them use the sponges, though. Tongue bathing isn’t really doable for longterm human hygiene.
DADJOKE (K): 😊Glad you liked it. But yeah, I get it. Most consortium races aren’t keen on the slobber fest either.
CRAZYTAILS (J): 😏Funny, YOU didn’t seem to mind the other night.
DADJOKE (K): 😳…
DAVID: 😳…
CRAZYTAILS (J):😏 You forgot this was a joint account, didn’t you?
DADJOKE (K): Just wasn’t expecting you to be logged in right now. Hi sweetheart.
CRAZYTAILS (J): 😊Hey scalyboi.
DAVID: Um, hey, before you two keep flirting dirty, what was it the boys were marked with?
CRAZYTAILS (J): Hm? Oh, just washable marker. They were playing “Viking Warriors” or something, running around, slaying monsters, ambushing DadJoke in his den, and beating each other silly with pool noodles for a two hour straight. That until I, the dreaded Kissy Monster, vanquished them both and subjected them to bath and bedtime! Muahaha!
DADJOKE (K): As for what you really wanted to know, she didn’t suffer from licking the stuff. The markers are made with Jaslip kits in mind, so they needed to be nontoxic and tasteless in case they or their parents have to clean up some body doodling.
CRAZYTAILS (J): same with Jaslip cosmetics, btw. Some are even flavored. Makes cleaning up after dates pretty fun, right Daddy?
DADJOKE (K): Fluffykins, if I say I’ll be leaving the office in half an hour, will you stop embarrassing me on a public forum?
CRAZYTAILS (J): 🥰I’ll be waiting with the candles.
_
GUEST (K): Is it ok to pet humans pups?
DAVID: Lemme put it this way; what do you call a Krev who goes around petting Krev children?
GUEST (K): Creepy?
DAVID: 👉Bingo.
GUEST (K): Huh? What’s that mean?
DAVID: It means yes, petting kids is creepy.
_
DR.WORM (guess): Hey, what’s an appropriate amount of holopad time for the kids, 10 hours or 12?
DAVID:…
DAVID: Doc- First of all; not a real doctor, i presume?
DR.WORM (S): Sure ain’t!
DAVID: 😉👉👉But you ARE a real worm?
DR.WORM (S): YES! I KNEW I picked the right pop culture reference!
DAVID: 👍👏🏻Sure did. Sure did.
DAVID: Sooooo let’s talk screen time.
DR.WORM (S): Yeeeeeaaaaah aright, I was kiiiiinda guessing 10 was a too much. Is 8 right?
DAVID: Try two.
DR.WORM (S): TWO?!?!
DAVID: Yup.
DR.WORM (S): TWO HOURS?!?!
DAVID: Yup, yup, yup.
DR.WORM (S): HOLY [expletive] MAN! I’VE BEEN FRYING THEIR BRAINS!
DAVID: You open sometime this week, Doc? We’re gonna help you out.
_
GUEST (R): You let jaslip take care of your hatchlings? Are you crazy?! [COMMENT DELETED]
_
CRAZYTAILS (J): What IS a wolf? The boys Insisted I be one in one of their games.
DAVID: This guy [attachment]
CRAZYTAILS (J): Woah. Now THAT’s a handsome face.
DADJOKE (K): Eh-hem.
CRAZYTAILS (J): Well, not handsomer than my husband’s.
_
CRAZYTAILS (J): Is growing long head-fur some sort of defense mechanism against grooming? Because it’s starting to work. Hard to get the stringy stuff off my tongue. Bleugh.
DAVID: heh. Sounds like the boys need a haircut. Swing by Tellus, we got some barbers that can shape em up.
DAVID: Or just let them grow it out until they can tie it behind their heads
CRAZYTAILS (J): The latter sounds like less trouble honestly.
_
BETWEENBILLOWS (U): Should I be concerned that Maria has a figurine of a dead human nailed to a T on a necklace? It’s kinda morbid.
DAVID: Believe it or not, that’s a religious symbol. Did she not tell you about it?
BETWEENBILLOWS (U): David, she barely talks to us at all. It’s been three weeks and she hardly leaves her room.
DAVID: Hmm... Well THAT might be cause for concern. Let’s talk over PM.
_

A shoutout and apology basket to u/kabhes and u/HeadWood_ who’s suggested questions I kinda stole. There were several others that I wanted to feature but couldn’t figure out how to work with.

“Holy shit!”, Derek said, “Rock and Roll! Let’s go!”
“Wait a second, dear boy!”, Bob instructed, “REBECCA! EDGAR! When you are finished meet us in the limo!”, he yelled loudly.
He then motioned for Derek to go.
Derek took the band-aid off his forehead then stepped off the plane, and began walking slowly down the steps, waving, smiling, and throwing up the horns as he did.
The screaming from the crowd grew louder.
Anyway, Corey followed Derek, then Stephen, then Ricky, who took off his head wrap before he walked off the plane.
Tony went next, all of them doing the same as Derek as they too walked down the steps.
I reached down, took hold of Donna’s hand, raised it to my lips, kissed it, and asked, “Are you ready, Babe!”
She smiled, and said, “Yes!”
“Oh, give it a rest already. You two are downright sickening!”, Bob commented.
“Shut up, Bob!”, I shot back.
“Remember what I said, Mr. Hard-Sell!”, Bob said sternly.
“Mr. Who?”, asked Donna.
“I’ll explain it later, Babe! Let’s go!”, I replied.
We then exited the plane together, walked down the steps holding hands, and waved to the crowd.
Bob was last to exit.
One by one, we made our way down the steps, across the carpet, and into the waiting limousine.
I, of course, let Donna go first, then crossed over her, to give her the window seat.
It was the same exact layout as the other limo, so I assumed it was the same one.
It was equipped with all the same incentives as before, except the hard stuff.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky began indulging in their favorite incentives
Donna & I looked out of the limo door to see Bob just reaching the bottom of the steps, when loud oh’s and ah’s, came from the opening of the plane.
Bob turned around, as we looked up, to see Edgar and Rebecca both trying to squeeze through the door of the plane at the same time.
“Move!”, “You move!”, “I’m going first!”, “No, me!”, “Jezebel”, “Daddy’s bitch!” They argued.
The crowd began laughing, instead of cheering.
Rebecca then took her arm, and hit Edgar in his chest, knocking him back into the plane, as she stepped out, and began walking down the steps, smiling and waving with her right hand, like a supermodel, still wearing the nurses hat, and twirling the stethoscope with her left hand.
I didn’t see her tail, so I assumed she had it tucked up underneath her shirt.
Edgar soon emerged from the plane stumbling, composed himself, and began walking down the steps, open handed waving with his right hand as he did.
He was carrying his pilot’s jacket and hat in his left hand
Anyway, Bob then got in the limo, then Rebecca, then Edgar.
Someone then shut the door.
“What in the Holy name of me was that?”, Bob yelled.
“He started it!”, “She started it!”, they began arguing.
Donna scooted closer to me.
“And I am going to end it!”, Bob yelled once again, “If you two can not act professional, instead of acting like spoiled little brats, then I will banish you both to the lake of fire, and not think twice about it!
Rebecca! I love you, as much as the devil can, and Edgar! You are my most loyal Demon, next to The Seeker that is! But I WILL NOT tolerate ANYONE or ANYTHING interfering with the success of my plan! Do I… make myself… clear?!”
“Yes, Daddy!”, “Yes, Sir!”, they both answered.
“We’ll see about that”, Bob said.
He then smiled, like clicking off a switch and said dramatically, “Now, on to the hotel!”
He then knocked on the mirrored glass that was separating the front of the limo from the back once again.
The limo then slowly pulled away.
“Who’s driving the limo?”, Ricky asked again.
The mirror then rolled down.
I didn’t know it could do that, last time, if you remember, they used the phone.
Anyway, the driver then turned around to look at us… It was the old man.
“It’s me!… just like last time!”, he said laughing, then rolled the mirror back up.
Rebecca then turned to Donna, who was sitting next to her, and said, “Girl! We matching! That’s what besties do!”
In all the craziness, I didn’t realize that Donna and Rebecca were wearing the very same outfit, and so was Edgar.
“Cool!”, Donna said, hesitantly.
“I got my jeans!”, Rebecca said smiling.
Corey then chimed in, “Hey, Demon chick!”, he said, and pointed at Rebecca.
“I am NOT a demon! I am a succubus”, she said defiantly.
“Yeah, Yeah! Whatever!”, he replied, “Ever since we met you, you have been trying to seduce us. Hell, you even tried to kiss me, and now you’re acting like some demented Valley Girl!”
I love that movie.
Anyway, Corey then continued, “What’s up with that?”
“You are all second hand news. I tried, was denied, and now I’m moving on. I have my sights set on someone else.
Besides, I always wanted a best friend, someone that was not intimidated by my sexuality, fearing that I would take what was theirs.
My bestie here knows that I have absolutely no chance with her man. He looks at her, like most men look at me. I am not the compilation of all his desires, and never will be. She is. The fact that he wanted her to stay, let’s me, and her, know that. It is she who holds his desire. Not me. So i don’t have to be what is expected of me. I am free to be the real me.”, Rebecca replied.
“Can I use that?”, I asked Rebecca excitedly.
“Use what?”, she asked me back.
“The last two sentences that you just said! Can I use them? I’ll give you a writers credit!”, I responded.
“I don’t remember what I said”, she admitted
“I don’t have to be what is expected of me. I am free to be the real me.
That would make a great verse for a song.”, I said. “Can I use it?”, I asked again.
“Songwriters, Man!”, Stephen said wasted, shaking his head, “Wild Bunch!”
“Just say Yes, dear!”, Bob said nonchalantly.
“O- Ok! Um, Yes!”, Rebecca answered, “But what’s a writers credit?”, she asked.
“I’ll tell you later, dear!”, Bob told her, nonchalantly as well.
I actually used that verse in a song later on, giving her a Writers Credit like I said I would.
Anyway, “Can I have a beer, Sir?”, Edgar asked Bob.
“These incentives are NOT for you, Edgar. They are for the band, and Tony.”, Bob answered.
Edgar just hung his head.
“Hey, Bob! Edgar played keyboards on the album, so technically he IS part of the band. I don’t care if he has one! Do you guys?”, Derek asked.
“Nope!”, “Go ahead!”, “I don’t care!”, “Go for it!”, the four of us answered.
Edgar then got up and got a beer, for which he shared with Rebecca, then got back up to get them both a beer, when the first one was gone.
Those two really hit it off. Laughing, joking, leaning into one another. It was weird.
I know, right!
I made Donna and I a cup of coffee, and got Tony a bottle of water.
I don’t know how much time passed , but it wasn’t too long after that, that the limo stopped, and the mirror rolled back down again.
“Sir! We’re here!”, the old man said, rolling the mirror back up.
Bob then clapped his hands again and said, “Boys! Boys! And ladies! Once we enter the hotel, let me do the talking, you just smile and nod. Understand?”
“Yes” was the collective response.
The back door then opened, and it was the same as it was at the airport.
Crowds of screaming fans, a red carpet, and flashbulbs flashing.
Bob exited first, because he’s Bob.
Tony exited next, because he’s our bodyguard, and had to be able to stop any overzealous fans from harming us.
We didn’t think about that when we exited the plane.
Anyway, Donna and I went next.
Stephen and Ricky went after us, completely hammered.
Derek and Corey went after them, stoned out of their minds.
And last was Edgar and Rebecca, glowing like love sick teenagers.
It was very odd, to say the least.
The sign on the side of the hotel was written in Japanese, so I couldn’t tell you the name of the place if I wanted to.
Anyway, we walked, in that order, to the front door.
Bob opened the door and we walked inside.
It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t a 5 star by any means, or even a 3 star, for that matter. But I’ve seen worse.
We walked up to the desk and was greeted by an old Japanese woman, trying to communicate with us in what?… that’s right! Japanese!
We had no idea what she was saying.
Bob then ran over to her and started speaking, in what I can only assume was the language she was speaking.
After a short conversation, she reached behind her and pulled 7 room keys off the wall, and handed them to Bob.
“Here you go, Boys! One for the four of you!”,Bob said, handing Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, each a key.
“One for the two of you!”, handing one to me and Donna.
“One for you Big Man!”, handing one to Tony.
“And one for you Edgar, you have to run the board, for tomorrow nights concert!”, handing the last one to Edgar.
“Rebecca, you come with me!”
“Do I have too, Daddy?”, she asked.
“Yeah, Um! Does she have to, Sir?”, asked Edgar.
We all just stood there with a “What the fuck” expression on our faces.
“You are not a child, Rebecca. You can make your own decisions. I have to remember that. Do you want to stay?”, Bob asked.
“Yes, Daddy! Yes, please!”, she answered excitedly.
“Very well, my dear!”, Bob responded, as Rebecca bounced up and down and clapped her hands, “Yay!”, she said.
Edgar smiled hard.
That “What the fuck” look we had on our faces, turned into a “what the fucking fuck” look.
“Now, I trust you all can handle yourselves from here, you’re rooms are just down that hall. Enjoy boys… and girls.”, Bob said standing there.
“Dude, let’s hit the bar, and spend some of this signing bonus!”, Derek said. Corey, Stephen, and Ricky all agreed.
Bob then spoke,” Boys! I don’t care what you do, how you do it, or who you do it with, but know this. You WILL be up, awake, ready to go, and waiting in this lobby, at 6 o’clock tomorrow morning, human time that is. If you are not, I guarantee you, there will be HELL TO PAY!”
“Okay!”, they all said, then wandered off to find the bar.
“Now, I have to confirm the events for tomorrow, so I bid you all ado! If you need anything, just call my name, and I will return! To-da-loo!”, Bob said, snapped his fingers, and disappeared into… you know what he disappeared into, Right?
Edgar and Rebecca took off like a bat out of hell toward their room, which was right next to ours. Edgar dropped the key in his nervous excitement, found it, opened the door, and they quickly went inside, shutting the door, but not closing it all the way.
About a minute later, we saw the tip of Rebecca’s tail poke out of the opening, place a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the doorknob, then slowly close the door.
“I hope she doesn’t kill him?” I said.
“He’s a demon. I’m not sure if she can.”, Donna replied.
“Good point!”, I said.
“They do make a cute couple though!”, Tony commented.
“Agreed!” I said, putting my arm around Donna’s shoulder and walking to our room, as Tony walked to his.
I opened the door, and looked inside.
It was at that very moment that I realized that the bedroom in the house, was not a bedroom at all. It was a hotel room, the same hotel room that I was looking at.

There's a "dad joke" I heard that goes: My therapist told me to write out a big long rant letter to everyone I have a problem with, burn them all to ashes, and scatter the ashes into the wind. I did all that last weekend, but now I'm not sure what to do with the letters.
This post feels like that big, long rant, but I genuinely could really use some help/ideas beyond "go to marriage counseling." I provide so much to the family and household that isn't reciprocated, but trying to set boundaries to feel more balanced gets passive-aggressive and/or silent treatment. I'm not writing all this here just to vent, I've actually edited this down pretty significantly to summarize what I'm going through and giving some examples.
Thanks for giving me the space to share this.
Me (50/M), Wife (45/F), two kids 15 and 13. We have no family who live anywhere close to us. We're in the middle of America, her divorced parents are on the coast, and mine's in Canada where I'm originally from (in case my username didn't give that away).
TLDR at the bottom.
Trigger warnings: a ruined birthday, shared/not-shared finances, me losing my cool and walking out on my family and getting the silent treatment since, and apparently being the only parent/grown-up in the house.
To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. If I speak up and ask her to help, I'm treated like a jerk. If I don't speak up, she does nothing.
Background about physicality, work and finances
I work in tech, typically 50-70 hours per week, and take on occasional (< 5 hrs/week) contract work as a side business to pay for my 3D printing hobby that I'm also trying to turn into a side business. She works part-time maybe one full day of work throughout the week on an as-needed basis.
My job pays the benefits, and I've established a retirement fund for us, plus a 401K and Roth IRA, plus a 529 account for each of the kids that I've been investing in since they were born. I paid off both cars. We're debt-free except for our mortgage, and we have enough assets to pay off the house if we choose to.
We each have a bank account for ourselves, plus a joint bank account. Her part-time paychecks and other money from an inheritance, goes 100% into her account only, and I use my account for my 3D printing business to maintain an LLC. Just about everything financial is paid for from my paychecks. I've always treated this as "our" money. All bills, mortgage, memberships, subscriptions (Netflix, etc), things the kids need (clothing, shoes, school supplies, etc), furniture, medical bills, etc are all paid from a joint account that is funded 100% by my paycheck. She makes no contributions to this account, but she does withdraw from it for fast food, snacks she buys just for herself, her own crafting hobbies, and she'll pick up maybe $100/month for some groceries.
I promised her before we were even married that if she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom or, at any point, go back to work, she'd have my full support either way, and I've kept that promise. She worked full-time for about 2 years before we had kids and worked a fair bit of part-time work before the kids started school in 2013. She's been at her part-time job for 2 years, so quite a span where she didn't work at all.
She works as a 1099 contractor and, despite repeatedly being asked to, won't reserve money for tax time. So, not only does she spend 100% of her paycheck, but I have to be sure that we save enough to cover her tax bill every year. She's never offered to contribute to tax payments we have to make.
I had gallbladder surgery and bariatric surgery, so I've had pretty restrictive dietary needs for the past 5-6 years. She often made comments about me being heavy and having a shortened life span, but since my bariatric surgery, she's expressed resentment about my body changing (I lost 120+lbs) and now doesn't care to learn what kinds of protein/carb/fat balance I need, and gained about 80lbs herself. As such, she does not contribute to any meal planning, which means I'm doing 95% of all meal planning, groceries, and cooking.
When it comes to cooking, I'm a damn good cook, and it's 100% because of YouTube. She grew up in an environment where she wasn't encouraged to cook or even learn to, so she lived on PBJ through college until we started dating and I would cook or take her out. When the kids were in their "picky" stages of 4yrs-9yrs of age, she got frustrated with cooking but years later still holds to that "NOBODY likes what I cook". So she makes maybe 2 or 3 meals per month now, and it's always the same meals. Last night, she cooked 10 people's worth of macaroni with a single pound of ground beef and more than a pound of cheese. I had to pick out the meat to get my protein and then drink a protein shake afterward, and then got offended that I threw away the noodles/cheese. (My diet needs high protein, low carbs, and almost no fat, she knows this because I tell her quite often, but she won't do anything about it; she's bought maybe 3 shelves worth of cookbooks and won't even open them or go take a class or anything.)
Our oldest kid has shown an interest in cooking and will maybe cook one meal per week and ask me to help him out, so I share what I've learned, things I've tried, experimented with, lessons learned, etc., and we have a good time, and they really appreciate the learning opportunity. On the rare occasion I do see my wife making dinner in the kitchen, I show her that I'm really happy about what she's making and ask if she wants help chopping or anything and I only get "no" as an answer and completely shut down like I'm not supposed to be in the kitchen. I'll try to have conversation with her but then she can't concentrate on cooking, chopping, etc, and then "ruined" dinner is my fault.
"Her" money versus "our" money, and how we spend our days/weekends
My wife had a relative die quite a few years ago and in the fall of 2018 was given a $250k inheritance. She has always referred to this as "her" money, "her" retirement, in case "she" needs a nursing home later. I'm not in her future plans, apparently. She gave $50k of it to a cousin who was deliberately left out of that relative's will. My wife's will leaves any remaining inheritance money to the kids. No mention of me anywhere whatsoever.
Once the inheritance money hit her bank account, she decides to buy a horse from halfway across the country and put it in a boarding stable 20 minutes from the house. It was a childhood dream of hers. Apparently, she's allowed to pursue her dreams and interests, it's "her" money, I'm not allowed to tell her what to do with it, but she complains when my 3D printing business makes enough money to buy another printer to keep up with demand... And my hobby takes up less time per week than she spends at the barn.
When she's not working her one-day-a-week job, she's at the boarding stable for a few hours per day, playing with her horse, taking selfies, taking him on walks, not actually riding him. With her remaining time at home, and when she gets home with the kids, she's lying on the couch, acting worn out and tired like she just bench-pressed the friggin' horse. (And yes, I know horse training CAN be exhausting, but she's not doing anything exhausting with him. She literally walks him on a path, or walks him in circles in an arena enclosure, or she's brushing him down and bathing him to look nice for Instagram)
In the summer of 2018, right before she got this inheritance money, she spent $50k of "our" money on a kitchen renovation that she insisted she designs herself, and then felt guilty about the bill and me having to take on more side contracting work to pay off the HELOC in a reasonable amount of time, and contributed back $10k to the whole project from "her" money afterward. "Her" money paid for the kids' orthodontics, about $3k each. But she literally contributes NOTHING else financially to the family.
If I had to guess, she's got about $150k left of that inheritance money, maybe less, she won't ever tell me about it. And we don't get a notice from the bank about interest gained at tax time every year because she put it in an account that makes ZERO interest. She sees my investments with 25%-40% gains, but won't ever ask for my help or input. Instead, she asked 3 other guys at work who told her to at least get a Vanguard account, but almost 6 years later she's never done it.
I work full-time as mentioned, and work from home. Work is typically 50+ hours per week but I try to cap it at 60-ish if I can. For the past month I've been on a project with a tight deadline, and working more like 10-14 hours per day 6 days per week. It's like that in tech, she's been understanding of this in the past, and I'm sure to take jobs where this is NOT the norm. Still, I'm always happy to help drive the kids to/from school or to music lessons or doctors, but I'm usually treated like "how dare you," that's "her" job, like that's her contribution to everything.
She works a part-time job doing marketing. Maybe 2-3 hours a day, one or two days per week. Sometimes busier in Q1 as they prep/plan most of the year, but then very low-lift afterward. She spends maybe 40 minutes per day taking the kids to/from school. Other than that, she's at the barn or on the couch. (have I mentioned we've gone through several couches that "our" money pays for??)
The marital imbalance I'm dealing with
She won't enforce chores for the kids, remind them to do laundry, or clean their rooms, or even shower. She'll text me "one of the boys smells" after taking them to school, but won't insist they shower, or back me up on the whole "c'mon guys, brush twice a day at least, and shower at least every 2 days with actual some soap on your bodies and actual shampoo on your hair, and use deodorant..." She'll make remarks like "Didn't you wear and sleep in those clothes for the past 3 days?" but won't make them change, or tell them to do their laundry.
She might do dishes 2 to 3 times per month, it's normally a chore we give to the kids, but she never enforces it. If they stack up for 3 days she'll do some of them but not all of them. One kid was born on an odd-numbered day, the other on an even-numbered day, so the rule is if today is an even or odd day, we know whose turn it is to do the dishes. And if the month has an odd number of days, I do the dishes on the 31st/29th day. But they're teenagers, they'd rather be in their rooms being teenagers, so I have to constantly remind them. Neither of them checks that the dishes are even clean before putting them away, something she specifically called out being embarrassed about when we were dating and visiting her mom's house where half of the dishes in the cupboard still had dried food all over them.
And then garbage day, or yard work, or vacuuming, cleaning a bathroom, cleaning their room, shoveling snow. She doesn't help enforce ANY of the chores that we agreed on. So I'm the sole disciplinarian around here, which makes the kids grow up thinking they better avoid me or I'm the jerk who's gonna put them to work.
Nothing happens around here unless I ask the rest of the family. I've purposefully left chores undone for "that's almost a health hazard" amounts of time and still nobody takes the initiative, nor will she ask the kids to help. They all see the work needs to be done, but they won't choose to help, and they're probably learning from her example of just sitting in some other room/area of the house and someone else will do it someday.
Even asking them "what kind of meals do you want this week, what haven't we had in a while, what's your favorite meal," you'd swear I was asking them to cure cancer every Saturday so I could start to plan meals for the following week and get groceries on Sunday, which has been our routine since the kids could talk.
Their cop-out is to skip the 3 shelves of cookbooks and flip through a binder we kept from a few months of Hello Fresh meals but then it's the same 10-12 meals that get kinda old after a while.
I feel like I have no help from anyone.
I reached my tipping point, and recently walked out on my family
A little over three weeks ago, I'm on this tight deadline at work, getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep at night, pulling 10-14 hour days. It's a Wednesday, I remember about 430pm that I should commit my code, as I usually do 'cause I need to make dinner because nobody else is gonna do it. Oh, wait, tonight was grilled cheese and tomato soup -- literally, ANYONE ELSE in the house, including our 13yr old who has never shown any interest in cooking, could heat a can of soup and melt cheese between bread, right??? Surely SOMOENE else in the family will handle dinner, so I keep working (note, without asking anyone else to help with dinner), hoping someone else will handle the meal. (and yes, I know this is typically against my diet, but I indulge in this low-protein, high-carb, higher-fat meal about once a month.)
At 730pm my wife comes STOMPING into my office area, "I can't make the grilled cheese like you do." No politeness, just turns and stomps back to the kitchen. I follow her to the kitchen, where the tomato soup is on a RAPID boil, yet she hasn't even started making the grilled cheese sandwiches. I turn the soup off, take it off the burner, and start to describe what to do for the grilled cheese. It's honestly nothing special; I put shredded cheese in the pan to get crusty on the outside of the bread, then stack up the the grilled cheese, put break on top, let the inner cheese melt, and flip it onto more shredded cheese. Highly recommended.
She says "Oh" and ... LEAVES THE KITCHEN, leaving me there expecting me to make dinner... and I'm pissed. I should have just gone back to my work area, but she parks herself back on the couch.
I get everything made, and of course nobody sets the table, ever. Now I'm seriously pissed off, so I slam some dishes in the middle of the table and go back into the kitchen to get the pot of soup and plate of sandwiches. I get back to the dinner table, where my wife and youngest are just standing there, STILL not setting the table despite me standing there with food that I can't even put down. So I drop the food on the table wherever I can, soup splashes everywhere, and I start setting the table while they stand there and watch and ... I lost my cool. I flung bowls and spoons in the general area where they're supposed to be at the table, and I walked out of the house. I returned 4 or 5 hours later once they were all in bed.
The ONE meal in my busy schedule that ANY of them could have made, and her contribution was putting a can of soup in a pot.
She still didn't make any meals for the rest of the week. That Sunday she put a meal plan together for the whole following week. Again, all super carb-heavy when she knows my own diet can't handle that. And then she stopped planning ANYTHING ELSE SINCE THEN. The following week's "meal plan" was just a list of who was home on which night because of end-of-school-year events going on. No meals, no grocery list. Meanwhile I'm still on my deadline... Last week, no help at all. This week, zero help.
So this week's meal plan I finally set a boundary for myself that was VERY clear to them: I'm planning to cook 3 meals for the whole week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and left the rest open with no meal planned. Last night at 6pm she made her "hamburger helper" and plans "ramen" for tomorrow (again, all noodles and broth, very little protein), but no other help from her for the rest of the meal plan for the remainder of the week.
My recently ruined 50th birthday
My birthday was a little over a week ago. I turned 50. Send me your favorite dad jokes, please, I beg of you.
My wife asked me 2 or 3 months ago if I wanted any kind of party, etc. to which I said yeah, I'd love to have a few friends over, named several of them, all of whom she either has in her phone, or are guys married to women that I know she stays in regular contact with. I mentioned some all-you-can-eat places that we could go, just the 4 of us, where I could pick out good proteins etc. and they could eat whatever they wanted.
I got nothing. No dinner out. No party. No friends.
The night before my birthday, she was too lazy to get off the couch, so I went to bed alone. I woke up in bed alone. I told the family the day before that I wanted French Toast for breakfast, normally something we'd do on Christmas Day, but it was my 50th birthday gosh darn it, and I was even thawing bacon. I even bought all the groceries needed. Nope, had to cook that alone too, so I only made enough for me, and ate alone. Showered alone, 'cause we haven't been intimate in ... 3 months? 4 months? And who cares that it's my birthday.
Nobody asked if I wanted to go out anywhere, go see a movie, go for a hike with the dog, nothing. So I went out with the dog, alone.
That night I had to make dinner for the family, again, on my own friggin' birthday. Alone in the kitchen. AND I had to remind the kids to clean up the kitchen afterward 'cause they won't do it unless they're told. She bought tiny pieces of cheesecake for dessert, which she knows I don't like and can't eat because of my diet. I had one tiny piece, she and the kids ate the rest.
No cake, no candle, no balloons. It was my FIFTIETH birthday ...
We have some serious communication breakdown going on
Since I walked out of the house a few weeks back, she only talks to me when she wants something, and that comes across more as a demand, "I need you to pick the kids up from school, I have to be at work" and walks away She won't say good morning or even hi, unless I say it first. Lately, I say "hi" or "hey" as we're passing in the house and I get no response at all. I get literal one-word responses when I ask her a question. A few nights ago, several nights in a row, I'm in the living room on my laptop trying to get more work done, she'll come in the room, not ask me what I'm doing or if I'm working, and blast a TV show on her phone at near-maximum volume, and fall asleep on the couch.
She gets mad and offended any time I offer constructive criticism of any kind. And it doesn't matter how delicately I try to phrase things, I'll agonize for days over exactly which words to use, she'll get super defensive, angry and lash out, and give me the silent treatment for weeks.
Last Tuesday was an end-of-year awards show for our youngest, who's finishing 8th grade. He's really into music and he stayed after school to practice for the event. She comes home to get ready then decides to leave for the event by herself. I only noticed when the garage opened and closed. She doesn't say anything to me or our oldest kid about what time she wanted to leave or if we're ready to go, she just ... left. Well of COURSE we both want to go, but now we have to drive there separately. And he wins a TON of awards, one from his classmates, one from his teacher, and one from the school. I'd have been PISSED to have missed that. "Oh, I thought you didn't want to go..." was her reason later.
This past Saturday, I do ALL the yardwork 'cause she won't tell the kids to help and I'm frankly tired of having to ask for help. A few hours of yard work later, I tell my youngest to vacuum 'cause nobody vacuums around here unless I tell them to and honestly it's gross. I hop in the shower to clean up and cool down from the yard work. Youngest decides it's "too hot in the house" and sits in the kitchen to eat a popsicle instead of vacuuming. No backup from my wife at all on this, who's still parked on the couch. So I get upset with him, he does a half-assed job, says he's "tired' (from watching YouTube all day) and goes back to his room and we don't see him again the rest of the day. Again, no help or backup from my wife.
It's now 7pm in the house Saturday night, and -- shocker -- NOBODY has bothered to even ASK about dinner much less put any kind of food together. 8pm rolls around and my oldest finally emerges from his own room, starts thawing some chicken, and comes to ask me for help to make a meal, which I happily do. Until I get grumbly comments about "why are we eating so late." And my wife makes her way back to the couch. Not so much as a "thanks for cooking" or offer to clean up. And of COURSE nobody is doing the dishes, because DAD didn't remind anyone.
WHAT DO I DO??
19 years ago when we got married, this felt like a marriage. We did stuff together, we split things evenly, shared responsibility and chores, we both cooked, we bought groceries together. The first few years with kids were rough, but it at least FELT like a partnership once we figured out how to be parents. But something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership, much less feeling like a marriage. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider. Instead, she's accused me, twice, of having an affair, once to the point of giving me anxiety/panic attacks for which I was almost hospitalized.
Now, she and the kids are noticing and talking behind my back (like I can't hear them) about the fact that I'm not wearing my wedding band anymore. Of course, the kids won't ask me directly, and I'm not bringing it up myself, and my wife's not talking to me anyway. Maybe she's still mad that I got mad a few weeks ago and walked out? Hard to know when the person won't talk to you unless they want something from you.
I'll put the damn ring back on when it feels like a marriage again. But then the next time it comes off, I think it'll stay off.
TL;DR! To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. I can see why parents stay together "for the kids." As with most marriages, it started great; we've had bumpy times, but we always got through it together. Nothing like this, though. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. Something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider.

About 3 weeks ago, my ex dumps me (together for 2 years, knew eachother for 6). I could only tell something is wrong about hours before she says “I’m done”.
6 months ago, we just built a house together, picked out everything in the house and loved the house very much. We started building the house when I was on deployment (13 month long deployment). I had some small issues that I knew stemmed from that deployment, but didn’t see anything major causing trouble in our relationship. We would have a few hiccups here and there, but I would/have NEVER yell, swear, call her names, hurt her, or lie to her. We would generally try to have a conversation and say how we feel and move on. A lot of the times I would try to fix the issues, agree, and move on. I didn’t see the issues or the problems being major. (I’m a DA, raised a DA through childhood, and felt as if I escaped being a DA in my early 20s (27 now) prior to my deployment and it never impacted our relationship before hand).
In hindsight, I fell back into my DA traits in which I was used to for so long. My deployment was lonely, slow/boring, and I had no emotional connection. I was able to talk to her whenevehad my phone with good connection. My routine while on deployment was work, gym, eat, video games, work.
After coming back, we moved into the house, holidays happened, and I bought a ring. I started planning and was very excited - we’ve talked about it before (was going to propose in July).
Over the past 5-6 months, we have had conversations of what needed fixed, what she needs, and what we need from each other. Some of those things I get better at and so does she. She started a new job and I get a new roll in my job (she’s a nurse and I’m a cop). We both have these high stress jobs and do very well talking about them and our days.
A lot of my stress, trauma, and anxiety is bottled up from the deployment and so in hindsight I started to pull back, become very avoidant. I would play video games when she went to bed. I would work a lot of hours and try to make more money, I wasn’t planning dates and giving her the love and intimacy she wanted. Although I did like doing that before.
2 weeks before she dumped me, we get into a little bicker out of nowhere. She tells me I need to get help. I didn’t know what she was referring to, then she reads the direct symptoms and definition of anxiety. So I told her I would get help. 1 week after that, I let her know I found a doctor I wanted to see and made an appointment.
1 week after making an appointment, she dumps me. Immediately following, she goes to her parents for the weekend. I’m in extreme emotional distress and started letting out everything I had bottled up inside me. I write down all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When she came home, I talked to her, told her how much I loved her, how I didn’t know I was doing all these things that upset her. She was cold, non emotional (which she typically really is emotional)
Sure enough, she says she’s “done.” I had to leave for another 7 days of military stuff (which I’ve already agreed to get out of the military as soon as I can because she didn’t want me to deployed with kids one day). She removed our pictures on social media (we are not big social media people either), and removed me as a follower. I deleted her as a friend on Snapchat’s because I was constantly checking on her, nervous that she was really leaving (I did it for my own well being).
She took almost everything out of the house. I treated her with the up most respect, was very giving, kind, and didn’t argue during the process because I wanted her to be happy and stress free.
She had some jackets she left at the house and called the night before I came back and we agreed for her to come over. She comes over and my family is there because I didn’t want to be alone when I came home. My family is outside as we had our last conversation/ contact (1 week ago).
During that conversation she was again cold, dismissive, and didn’t seem to care. I asked her if she still loved me, no answer. I asked if there was someone else, she said no (3rd time asking that since the break up), I asked her why she would leave me and everything we have when I’m at my lowest and I’m accepting to get healthy. Her response was “she wasn’t happy and needed to be happy.” I asked her where she was living generally to just make conversation, she rudely said “I’m not comfortable sharing that.” I told her it’s not a big deal, it’s not my business. I told her, maybe in a month I’ll reach out, maybe in 2-3 months we will get coffee or take the dog to the dog park, maybe in 5-6 months we will start dating again, maybe none of those things will happen. In the mean time, I need to get healthy for me and she agreed. We said a few other things about working out our car insurance, getting mail, and whatever else.
She left and 10 minutes later she texted me “is your family talking about me?” I replied and said, honestly yes, but I told them to stop. I told them we are not going to sit here and talk negative about her, be disrespectful, or talk behind someone’s back because it’s not helping. It doesn’t make me feel any better and she has feelings and ways to cope too.” She said, “thank you for being honest” when I texted her back
It’s been 1 week, again after that happened. I have been seeing two drs who basically are pulling a lot of things out of me and explaining to me what DA is, how I fell back into my typical DA traits, and how my issues from deployment all bottled up.
I have been researching, reading, and diving very deep into books about life, happiness, and of course attachment styles. I have come to terms that she was a FA. Both her parents had cancer and survived when she was young, she was very stubborn, but needed love and support (as she told me multiple times), she was in some bad relationships prior, she would go 0-100 in some conversations or get angry for things easy, and went very cold very quick (she said she’s been thinking about this for a while), made some very irrational comments during the break up, gave me reasons that were not a big deal, and in hindsight she had a hard time making girlfriends/ had a very small circle. I still validated her feelings and felt an immense amount of guilt.
At this point, I’m lost, I feel as if she doesn’t care, won’t ever reach out, moved on very quickly and is back to her daily routine of gym, work, and is happy with her decision. I want to reach out, but unsure when the right time will be. I have so much hope I’ll be able to have an honest conversation of the things I’m learning what I did wrong, and what/ how we can be better. The research I’ve done, things I’m doing daily is for me, not her as I need to heal. I understand it will be a slow process and will take time. Do I reach out in 30 days, 45 days, 60 days? I feel like I won’t be able to move on unless I try one more time to reach out after NC. I’m hoping she reaches out for her mail, but I’m not sure she will even do this. What things do I say to her if she does come back just to get her mail. Knowing she’s an FA, I don’t want to overwhelm her, get too deep, but I also want to be honest and not use manipulation stuff I have been seeing. If I text her about the mail and she comes to get it, what do I say? How do I start the conversation? Do I talk to our mutual friends about it/ her? Do I let go of any type of hope? I miss her and loved her greatly.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW - my friends and family just keep saying she did me dirty and doesn’t care. In the mean time, I’m going to continue to heal, learn, grow.

Mandatory disclaimer - I am not diagnosed with anything. Anything means that I've not had any of the things that I've been tested for, which includes rheumatoid arthritis and any and all conditions that might explain my digestive symptoms beyond IBS (which is what it is.)
So, with this in mind, does anyone here relate to just having the worst anxiety whenever there's a pain spike? I've been having a flare for a good three or four days, and even though this is the... fifth? Time I've had a major flare since I started having them three or so years ago, it's like my brain just doesn't believe we've ever been through this before. Every time, no matter how many times I tell myself that nobody has died to hand, joint, shoulder aches or muscle stiffness yet, I am nonstop convinced that death is nigh and I just have the worst sense of panic at the back of my brain. We've been here so many times and it hasn't killed us yet. It goes away for such long periods of time that I think, nah, I don't need to go through the trouble of going to the doctor again to be told to just take ibuprofen for a couple days and I'll feel better after waiting for a week frightened to death about the appointment, I can treat this at home.
A single painkiller on most days is all I need to feel moderately normal. No, it doesn't fix the brain fog or the fatigue, but neither of those worries me. I could even deal with the pain if it wasn't for the fear of it. I wish I could just call a doctor and be like, hey, I'm having symptoms, please tell me I'm not dying. But in order to do that, I have to scare myself totally out of my mind by calling to reserve first, then I have to wait days to get a callback, explain my issue to the nurse, and by the time I get an appointment and get TO the appointment, I no longer have a flare, I've forgotten totally how bad it was, and also been scared to death for a week and a half, which probably only made the problem worse.
I don't have a single deadly symptom. I need my brain to understand this so I can go to a doctor without being too frightened to move so I can get the help I need, whatever that is. I'm so scared of my symptoms even though I've been to the doctor and there's nothing in my condition whatsoever that has alarmed them, most of the time even when I call the urgent care number for treatment advice they just tell me it doesn't sound too serious and try to rest and take painkillers, then check in if it persists or gets worse. It doesn't. It won't. I know that.
I just want to not be scared anymore.

So I was a fan of the LN's from back when the first season released. The things I identified with then, and the things I love about it now are still largely what I love about it. And I was for a long time willing to turn a blind eye to ALOT of what I felt were unnessicary parts of the story, as, this series is the work of an author, not something made FOR me. However as time has gone on, the series has leaned more into it's less savory elements, and it does genuinely hamper my enjoyment of the series now, to the point that I'm hesitant about the series moving forward (I stopped right before reading the succession arc). I'm just curious about more broader perspectives on the series, as someone who's going to attempt to lay out more than just "ew incest gross" arguments. I'd be happy if people are willing to engage in a more genuine discussion, but if not, hope you can at least enjoy the read.
I'll try and start positive, because I want to put it out there, I was largely positive on the series as a whole, and have recommended it to multiple friends with some pretty major caveats. And I have rolled out good faith defenses of each problematic elements of the show with in universe examples and reasoning. So the things that I genuinely love about the series. At the time, as someone who dropped out of collage, while always thinking myself the smartest guy in the room, it was easy to identify with a story that highlighted a character who's society's measure of a man wasn't accurately taken. I've since grown a lot since then, but I still do love this aspect of the story. Hatori's line saying "so this is what happens when a test doesn't accurately measure someone's strength" is a line that sticks with me to this day. I also love how deep the political intrigue is thought out, not to be overly exaggerated in my analysis, but there are times where the levels of geopolitical implications of certain actions are thought about on a level that you would expect from traditional spy fiction/thrillers. The fact that the implications of magical weapons and the socioeconomic implications of things like a fusion generator are taken into account with such detail is amazing to me. It isn't given a one side interpretation but rather a very realistic look at how the powers in play would fight over the use, implementation, and restrictions that might have to be placed on such technology.
Also the magic system, i feel like I don't have to preach to anyone about how cool it is, but it's cool, straight up, it's just cool, as a tech guy, to see the fusion of technology and magic in this setting is awesome.
Lastly the imperfect nature of the main character was always interesting to me. While the anime only ever hints at Tastuya's insecurities with subtext, LN fans will know his though process is PLAGUED with indecision and caution that remove him soley from the OP MC archetype that never thinks about or suffers the consequences of his actions. Yes in practice he is an OP MC, but just like how society inaccurately measures his strength because they don't value the thing's he's good at, the really fantastic character work putting in the juxtaposition of his OWN values, not aligning with his own strength is really smart character writing. Tatsuya himself doesn't care about regrowth, or his crazy abilities and capacity for magic despite his apparent disabilities in the magic department. While many people see him and recognize how powerful he is, none of that is what HE values. He values more than anything are the technical skills required to change the world through magical engineering, and while he makes GREAT strides throughout the series, ultimately he isn't at the point (where I am in the series) to effect the real kind of change he would like to see, outside role as the Yotsuba's secret weapon. The kind of ambition he might have fostered normally as just a young man, is still evident with his passions outside of the crazy family situation he was forced under.
Which is something else I love about the series, but with a bit of a mixed bag of feelings. The world building is genuinely really cool from a near future sci-fantasy setting. The staging of the energy crisis that led to the 3rd world war, the emergence of Mages, and the united pact against nuclear arms, only to be replaced by the very checks that locked the nations from nuclear armageddon. The cleaver setup and world play between the 10 master clan's naming conventions and even to a lesser extent the 100 supporting families, gives such a rich texture and great opportunities to have ENDLESS but distinct characters coming from every facet of society. Characters like the Chiba get to be all one note swordsman, then build upon individual character traits to differentiate them. Even the side stories with Morisaki Shun give texture to what otherwise should have been just a one off character that was done with after the first arc (honestly I wish we saw more of him as the series went on, and the ramification of him protecting the heiress of the no head dragons, the series clearly doesn't mind chinese influence being a driving antagonistic force, it would have been interesting to see them explore more morally complex but not completely antagonizing forces).
And that lead some to some of the negatives. In the same vein that the world building is very well thought out, I cannot view this piece as a piece of fiction divorced from the real world. Can you explain the incest, the way he writes female fashion and women with in universe explanations? Yes absolutely and I have gone to bat for it in the past. Preserving genetic bloodlines to increase the magical powers of a generation of magicians, when such a small subsection of the population have any degree of magic talent to begin with, would be paramount in the national defense of a country. Having siblings marry each other is both not even the craziest thing I can imagine NOR is the least crazy thing the SERIES has done to justify this. The fashion sense was born the energy crisis that predated world war 3, caused clothing to become heavier out of necessity and it became fuax pas to show as much skin, both as a means of survival and as a way to signal you had enough resources to keep yourself clothed. While the climate has recovered people's sense of fashion hasn't caught up yet, which is a great IN universe explanation for the more conservative forms of dress that seem socially permissible in the series. And the way they treat women as ladies constantly saying "is would be improper for a lady to be out at night by herself" can be (and this one is LESS SUPPORTED by the text but I think could be explained and inferred) to be part of the need to preserve reproducing members of society after a great famine that predated WW3 and further more of the "nobility" class of magicians which this behavior clearly emulates.
The problem with all of these is, the text also clearly wants to have it both ways and it just betrays a clear taste the author has that I find distasteful in the REAL world. Sure you tell women to cover up, but then you take every opportunity to put them in summer dresses, or skimpy costumes for performances, and dress up scenes. While all of this makes sense IN universe, I can't help but feel this is just a pandering to real world markets that like these niches, or further points to the authors own thoughts on the matter, with a regressive social structure that see's women lacking less moral and societal agency, having to "cover up" as it were, and the whole incest thing. It would be one thing if the series SAID anything about this. An interesting exploration on how both the Yotsuba and society as a whole put such immense pressure on all of these teenagers regardless of how competent they are, and them breaking that cycle of generational expectation would be perfectly in line with the broader social change Tastsuya is trying to work towards with his engineering endeavors. Learning to actually heal from, learn from, and distance himself from the ultimately toxic relationship he's being forced into with his sister would earn MASSIVE points in my book for actually tackling an uncomfortable topic with some nuance.
I'm going to sidebar for a moment because I know a lot of people love Miyuki and Tastuya in both the fanbase as a whole but this sub in particular. I'm going to approach this, in good faith and say all of you are fans of the characters and I'm not going to, nor do I think a majority of fans are problematic in their liking of this relationship. While I personally feel like the devotion Miyuki shows is pandering, as I said in universe it can all be explained and people can enjoy fiction for any number of reasons, I don't think anyone is gross or whatever for enjoying a pairing when the text of the show so adamantly presents it in the most positive light possible. BUT WITH ALL THAT SAID, i would be doing the rest of the series, which is so well thought out, to not lend a critical eye to the absolute blindspot the series has for this relationship. Miyuki's devotion to Tatsuya is born of her realization after being saved by him in Okinawa, that her life belongs to him because he saved it, and she will be at his side against all the injustices that he has and will continue to face. But that kind of single hearted devotion, is by definition, toxic to her growth as a person. No one can LIVE for another person and be a fully fleshed individual, it just isn't healthy and it cheapens what could be such a more powerful character that by her own rights has every right to grow with ambitions that still can ABOSLUTELY grow in parallels with, and in support of her brother. But the story doesn't really explore that, every choice she ever makes is with the approval of her brother or his ultimate success in mind. You cannot seriously get me to buy that their engagement and eventual marriage is a healthy one under these conditions. I am a modern man, I like my wife to be as strong willed as I am so we can make joint decisions about our life that we can both agree on, so hell call me biased but I don't actually think there's anything wrong with traditional relationships, but that's the thing, EVEN in traditional relationships, women aren't the objects that they're commonly straw manned into. While not all traditional relationships were like this, the foundation of them is supposed to be founded upon the idea that while men could be out in the world, providing for the family, the women would be at home nursing children, and making sure the HOME was taken care of. In practice this meant a lot of women were actually empowered to make many of the purchasing decisions for the house, under ideal circumstances (again in actuality I acknowledges the more problematic aspects of these relationships in history and that isn't the point of this post).
I bring all of this up to say that Miyuki isn't given the agency to grow enough as her own person outside being sometimes selfish over her brothers attention of her. If I had to write an essay on Tatsuya's driving purpose in life, I could write at length on interesting aspects of his character and his own inaccuracies when judging his own value, when he's so uniquely capable of judging others. But there is no similar depth given to Miyuki and that's just sad because the GLIMCES we get of her character are ACTUALLY great. Her interactions with Lina, were highlights brining to her a character that is as close to being her peer as we had up until that point in the series, but still having her show compassion to her situation because of how much it mirrored Tatsuyas despite being "competition" and someone who ostensibly was opposed to her brother. Her interactions could have been so much better with Ichigo Masaki ( a criminally underused character as a whole) but they never amount to anything other then him getting lil'broed the entire series. And Kuduo Minoru is just underutilized in his debut appearance during the upcoming Ancient city insurrection arc that's about to be animated. Tatsuya is able to be measured up against these characters to further his growth and further exemplify what sets him apart as an interesting character and Miyuki doesn't get the same opportunity.
There is so much more I can say, but this is crazy long and I suspect few people will read it all anyways. Some of this might be ranty but I have been stewing on these thoughts for ages, and with no one in my circle who has stuck out the series as far as I have, my only recourse is the broader fanbase to discuss my thoughts on the matter.
TL;DR- Tatsuya, the world, and the magic systems, the consequences, and the complex web of motives within the narrative are all huge pluses for the series, that ultimately get dragged down by the inordinate amount of time spent on what I feel is either pandering to certain audiences, or betray the authors less than savory tastes, that more than just being morally outrageous (because I don't really care about that) serves to under cut the otherwise great writing of the series, and I think that's the real crime. The incest doesn't bother me because a fictional sister and brother get together, it bothers me because it robs me of the potential character growth both of them could have had, fighting back against another backwards system in this world born of political and social necessities that would have rhymed with all the other themes of the series.
EDIT: yes I know I can just drop the series, if it isn't for me, and I might I really don't know, I'm just frustrated at what could be something that has so much potential, be inordinately focused on the least interesting aspects of it.

Hello, apologies in advance for this wall of text. I am here to get some feelings off my chest and process the emotions involved with having a dog that is dying. I would just like to hear folks' thoughts and opinions on how they've handled and dealt with the final days of their dogs' lives. I put a shorter, yet still long TLDR down there. I would appreciate your input and thoughts. I'm so sorry to all of you who have lost your pets and I'm hoping everyone is otherwise happy and healthy.
Indigo is my first dog. She is a 45 lb mixed breed (Australian cattle dog/staffie/chow) that I rescued from Tennessee and we have been inseparable since. I wanted a dog my whole life and so when I finally got my first full time job and had my own apartment, I adopted her when she was 11 months old. She just turned 9 in December. She had been really healthy for most of her life and we used to run 3-5 miles daily. She helped me lose 30 lbs and get into the best shape of my life one year. I traveled everywhere with her and took her backpacking and camping and canoeing and she made me fall in love with nature. She is everything I wanted in a dog. I taught her how to walk off leash in a busy city and everyone that met her loved her. She could chase a frisbee down the length of a football field and catch it out of mid air. She was smart, kind, athletic, caring, calming, generous, and just the best thing to ever happen to me. We had so many good times together and I just remember those as the best times of my life. I lived with her before my gf moved in with me. I worked hard and bought a house to give her a huge 1/2 acre backyard to play in. She was the flower girl at my wedding. She was amazing with babies and I always tell my wife we should have babies sooner because I want them to know Indigo. I cannot imagine my life without this dog and all of my hopes and dreams involve Indigo being there by my side.
As she got older, she started to slow down a little. At 7, her annual exam revealed arthritis in her front legs and the beginnings of hip dysplasia in one of her back legs. We transitioned away from high impact activities, tightened up her diet, and started giving her supplements for her joint health. She seemed to bounce back and we were able to do our daily walks and hikes and play sessions just fine. In the past two months I noticed her sometimes losing her balance or standing still but looking disoriented, with her head pulsing slowly (stroke?). I mentioned that to the vet and they said to let them know if it happens again but that it was probably nothing to worry about.
We had a beach weekend a few weeks ago and Indigo came back from it with an irritated eye. I had her checked at the vet and she was fine, told us it was probably some irritation. We got her senior bloodwork done during that appointment and I was told one of her liver enzyme ALP was elevated so they want us to come back in with her fasted to repeat the test. The repeat test showed the enzyme went up even more. The raised 3rd eyelid turned into a stuffy nose which got bad really fast, to the point where I was worried she wasn't getting enough oxygen. The intake nurse went over CPR codes and this was the first time I even considered that this may be the end for her. She strongly recommended with everything Indigo had going on, that they code her red for DNR but I couldn't handle that emotionally and asked her to be coded yellow.
I took her to the emergency, where they did a full workup and told me she has:

1. A leaky heart with low contractility, which means she may not be getting enough blood, potentially causing her to have strokes.
2. Multiple nodules on her spleen and liver that need to be biopsied with an invasive procedure to see if they are cancerous or not.
3. Sludge in her gallbladder that she will need to take meds for for the rest of her life.
4. A nodule on her adrenal gland on her kidney producing too much cortisol
5. Potentially something in her nose/face/brain area that is putting pressure and causing neurological symptoms.
6. Potentially a nasal / respiratory infection but they don't know what.

All the tests and having to be boarded for 2 days came to a total cost of around $5,000.
Their recommendation is:

1. Get an MRI at a local center to the tune of $4K-$5K for the MRI along with a $300 consult fee to confirm if there are any masses in her brain/face/nose area
2. Based on those findings, decide on whether or not she should be put under anesthesia to get the livespleen biopsies done
3. More blood work to test for thyroid issues because they forgot to do that one and "it could be another piece of the puzzle".

When I got her back she was stumbling, unable to walk straight, bumping into things, her third eyelid on the unaffected eye was raised very high and red. She refuses to eat or drink anything, I even tried tempting her with all her favorites and peanut butter and human food but no interest. I've been using a syringe to squirt water into her mouth so she will drink and most of the time she tries to cough it back but I've been able to get some water in her this way. The emergency vet gave us wet food to give her and I've had to kind of force it down. I feel so bad that she doesn't want to eat or drink anything. She's lost like 10 lbs and all I feel is skin and bones on her. Everything I read online when I try searching all these symptoms is that she's dying, her organs are shutting down, and she has no sensation of hunger or thirst. She looks so sad, will lay in the same spot for hours at a time. She sometimes raises her head and nuzzles me and my heart can't take her suffering anymore.
I spoke to the MRI place and they gathered some more info on Indigo and told me about the MRI procedure. I've had 4 myself, so I'm not worried about it but I'm wary of the practice. After confirming my appointment he told me about where to park while they work on their "state of the art facility that is being constructed and when finished will be a 18,000 sq ft facility with various specialties under one roof...". What I'm getting at is that it sounded very promotional and clearly they have the money to build a brand new building so it's not like the $5K cost for the MRI is going towards paying back the machine, which was my impression as to why MRIs are so expensive.
I'm not a veterinarian and I am not looking for medical advice here, but based on all the info I have in front of me, it seems like my dog has late stage metastatic cancer. Confirmed nodules in the liver and spleen and potentially more nodules in the nose/brain area...I can't think of anything else that could cause multiple organs to develop nodules within the course of a few weeks. The fact that all these symptoms came on so suddenly is so scary but I think it's pretty clear my dog is dying as much as I don't want to admit that.
I have been paying Healthy Paws for her insurance since I had her, $35/mo when we started and I now pay $122 /mo. We get 90% reimbursement after a $250 deductible. I got it because I didn't want to have to think about making hard decisions when it came to getting care for her but all in all, because she was pretty healthy, I didn't even end up using it until her hip displaysia symptoms that came up a few years ago and even then, we only broke even on the insurance that year. While researching today I came upon the term "stop-treatment point", which is "the dollar amount at which clients refuse treatment or choose to stop treatment for their pets". Apparently it was $1407 in 2009 and $1704 in 2012. I can not find any information about that figure in more recent years, but I can guarantee it has to be at least double that by now. https://www.dvm360.com/view/veterinary-practices-performing-more-euthanasias-despite-increase-stop-treatment-point#
TLDR; I have spent ~$5,000 for an emergency visit that gave no definitive answer on why my 9 year old 45 lb dog is being lethargic, refusing to eat or drink, loosing her coordination and the ability to walk or even stand up straight. They want me to spend $5,000 more for an MRI to get more information and possibly rule more things out. After the MRI there will probably be even more tests they want us to do. From the information they have found and given us so far, she has a weak heart that's not pumping well, multiple organs that have potentially malignant tumors (kidney, liver, spleen), and an unexplained nasal/respiratory illness. They don't want to do the biopsy because it's more invasive and would rather us do the MRI to rule things out before moving forward with the biopsy under anesthesia. To me that sounds like late stage metastatic cancer and the nasal thing is secondary maybe due to a weak immune system.
We thankfully have pet insurance (90% reimbursement, $250 ded). While the peace of mind from having pet insurance is making it easier to say yes to having endless diagnostics and treatments, I'm beginning to think that it is working against me now. As if running up the vet bill and getting paid will make me feel like I got my money's worth and that feeling is driving me to agree to all these invasive procedures. The cynical part of me thinks the vet practices see this as an opportunity to milk some money from the insurance company, all the while I am accepting of all this because of the perception that I am doing "everything I can to save my dog" but really I feel like I am just subjecting her to more suffering.
But here's the thing, Indigo hated being in the emergency for those two days. I don't want the last weeks of her life being spent being put under anesthesia and cut up and hair shaved just to be told we don't know, you need to pay $5K more for some testing and maybe we can rule out some other things. I love my dog and I don't want her to pass on. I am in denial because I've had 4 knee surgeries in the last 3 years and Indigo and I missed out on a lot of the trips we had planned because I was always recovering. I am writing this out so that my brain will start processing it ahead of time. I refuse to leave her side but I am scared to look at her sometimes because I feel like the next time I look, she won't be breathing. I have to force her to take food and water and she just lays in one spot. She can't move about without bumping into things or collapsing every other step. I haven't seen her smile in a week. She sleeps very peacefully though, and I have caught her running in her dreams and that makes me feel a little better.
If it is time for me to end her suffering, why won't they just tell me that? Am I being too cynical? How did things go when your beloved pets were passing away? How does euthanasia work? How did your vet handle things? Thanks in advance for your kindness and empathy. What do you do with your dead dog's body?

Heyyyy, so I aam just finished the second draft of my book and I wwould love some beta readers. It's Set in an alternate history post a third world war, it follows the story of Hamlet Rook, a 14-year-old boy living in Yorkshire, England. Born into an ancient and wealthy family, Hamlet's life takes a dramatic turn when he learns of the death of The Lady Moira Barking, mother to his classmate and childhood nemesis, Nicholas Barking. Lady Moira was also the wife of Lord Harry Barking, who, unbeknownst to Hamlet, had an affair with his own mother.
When Hamlet visits Lord Barking, he is given a letter to deliver to his mother, which contains warnings of a "traitor" and an "imposter" among them. To uncover the truth, Lady Rook decides to host a Christmas party, leading to further mysterious deaths and the return of an old friend from the past, complicating matters.
After the chaos of the party settles, Hamlet begins his education at a boarding school, attended by generations of his family, including his mother and late Aunt Dahlia. At the academy, Hamlet discovers Dahlia's diary, hinting at elements of magic and murder.
Here's the prolgue if you like it i can send the rest
Prologue
It had been a long day already. To start it off my roommate confessed to murdering his Nanny and then my best friend came along and blew my whole world open in the course of a single conversation.Both these rather shocking and inconvenient turns of events sent dozens of moments over the past few months and past few year tumbling and flapping through my mind. Moments once seemingly meaningless or innocuous have taken on new and almost sordid meaning. In a way, I almost feel incredibly stupid for not realising the truth sooner or perhaps Regina is right and I am simply naive.
It is a rainy, February night and I sit in my dorm room, staring at my laptop screen. Colin lies tossing lightly in his bed occasionally muttering or whispering in fits of sleep. Nicholas’ bed is stripped down to the mattress, his desk once pilled high with books is now empty. Outside the window the night dark sea spits against the rock, and the castle grounds are empty and still save the flutter of the flag on the northern tower.
I suppose everyone else must be asleep. I could try to sleep but all I would achieve would bee sleepless night of tossing turning as my thoughts storm and flutter around. It all started with Regina De Winter. I suppose if anyone should be the one to blow my world wide open in just a single conversation it would be her. She and I have always been telling each-other things. We'd confess to each other and no one else our deepest darkest secrets.
She told me when in nursery school she'd forgotten to close the cage and let out the class rabbit which resulted in our year being treated to the sight of a crow feasting on the beloved pet, she told me when she spiked the tea in the staff room with laxatives after a slew of particularly bad grades, and she told me when she caught Nick Montague cheating on her with Abernathy Heath, and together we had concocted what we had seen as a rather delicious plan of revenge. I for my part had told when in year five James and I had shared clandestine kisses in the back of Miss Holyrood's class when everyone was gone, I had told her when I nicked of grand mum's rings and buried it in the garden after she'd chastened me, I did end up feeling guilty as a poor maid ended up getting fired.
Over the years the two of us have accumulated of sorts a cabinet of secrets, truths and lies that we shared only with each other. The secret she’d shared with me tonight goes fair deeper than youthful indiscretions and sinks into the realms of lies, sin and murder. She’d come up to that evening during dinner, and gave me a peck on the cheek and a delicate squeeze of my hand before walking away with Fiona and Polly off to Maiden’s Tower. The note she’d subtly tucked into my hand simply said, “Library 9:00. Bring no one.”
So, I had returned to my dorm room, did some homework and then did some reading all thewhile waiting for the clock to strike nine. Archie, Windsor, and Duffy had joined us for a movie and At 8;45 I couldn’t not the it anymore. I had closed that strange diary and left Colin and others rather boisterously watching Die hard in our dorm room. I had. explained myself to the prefect on duty climbing too have forgotten a textbook in the library and that it couldn’t wait till tomorrow because I had an essay due soon. And out I had stepped into the night.
The soft almost silvery mist had rolled in from the sea clinging to the grounds, fields and buildings. I walked down the lamp light pathway, a few people walked passed me their laughter and conversation caught in the breeze. I got to the library and slipped in. I went to our usual spot and waited. It was as silent as well as a library. The only other living thing other than the silverfish was Dottie the old library who sat behind her desk happily obvious too all comings and goings.
I checked my watch and it was 8:52. Regina was unlikely to be anything other than properly and perfectly punctual. And feeling restless I got up and paced around. And I found myself in the occult section. The books here as always were mostly untouched and sent little gasps of dust up into the air when disturbed. For the hundredth time I scanned the shelves reading the various curious titles.
Once I scoffed as these things as being mere superstition, efforts by the early man to explain away what he couldn’t explain. But it has been a rather long strange year even though it’s only febrruary.I remembered suddenly the walk I had taken with Baskerville on the morning before I had left for the academy. The whistling of the woods and the way Baskerville had reacted, barking into the trees and into the shadows. I remembered a wild rose on an empty grave. “There are more things in heaven and earth…”
Suddenly a hand grasped my shoulder and I whirled around wildly. Regina De Winter smiled, “My, my someone is tense” She had changed out of her school uniform into her night-clothes and her red hair lay across her shoulder in a thick braid. Regina De Winter is quite the most beautiful person I know; her hair is the colour of red maple in autumn, and her skin is the colour of Yorkshire snow and her eyes are the blue of summer skies. All in all she would not be out place in a pre-raphaelitte painting.
“You’re late,” I said rather sulkily. She merely smiled picking up my wrist and looking at my watch. 9:00 punctual as always.
“Now. Shall we?” She said briskly turning around and walking away. She Strolled casually over to our favourite spot where I had deposited my coat. She sank into her usual chair and smiled at me waiting for me to do thee same. When I was seated, she looked me a beat her ivy green eyes boring into me over steepled fingers. “So, darling, how much do you know about the death of Lady Barking?”
I stared at her for moment, “Well not a lot really..” She didn’t take her eyes of me and made a go on gesture. “Well. Just that she’s dead. And that it was rather sudden and unexpected. And the date I suppose,” I shrugged, “Everybody seems very unwilling to talk bout it. Which I suppose can be expected.”
“ And of course, it was ruled “unsuspicious.” Do you believe that?” She said, “A woman in her late thirties drops dead and its unsuspcious. As ancient as that seems women in their thirties tend not to drop dead out of the blue.”
Even though we were quite alone, I leaned close and whispered, “Are you saying she was murdered?”
Regina stared distractedly at her finger nails, “Well, Nicky certainly thinks so. And at the very least her death wasn’t down to natural causes.”
I watched as she removed a bottle of nail polish from her purse applied a delicate coat of pink to her nails. “Nicholas believe it to have been murder?”
After a moment she said, “Hamlet. Three guesses who Nicholas thinks killed his mother.” She didn’t wait for me to respond before she said, “His father and your mother.”
I stared at her, mouth agape. And before I could respond she spoke again, “Now, I now what you’re going to say. ‘But, Gina.They couldn’t have killed her, neither of them were in London that day!” She said in rather good imitation of my voice and saying what I was in fact gonna say. She began applying nail polish to her other hand, “And I would say that I think we can both agree. that people of their station do not have to deign to anything so pedestrian as to commit murder themselves.”
I stared at her, “So he thinks they paid someone to kill Lady Barking?” And she nodded, ‘Yes. But I do not think that to be true. And what’s more… I think that woman, Kitty Scarlet, dying at your mother’s christmas party is connected.” She set down her nail polish and tree me right in the eyes, “Now darling I am about to tell you something rather shocking.”
And so she did… when she was done I felt as though someone had taken my brain, powdered my thoughts ran them through a sieve and put them back in. After a moment, Regina smiled sympathetically, “I appreciate that you need a moment but the library closes soon and lights out at 10:30 and I do have something I need you to do.”
“Wonderful.” I said quietly, “So you don’t think.. either of them?”
“I find myself hard pressed to believe either of them would commit murders so figuratively and literally close to home. Especially not murders that would make them the most obvious suspects,” she said, “I do believe that someone is trying to frame them.”
“Oh”
She sighed, “Hamlet we appear to be reaching the part of the night where you become monoslylabic and so I shall tell you what indeed you to do. I want you to use that perfect, eidetic memory of yours and writean account of everything that has happened up to this conversation-”
“Everything? Ok regina that’s a lot but I shall be honest things get a little vague for me after Moses.”I said. And there was a moment of silence before she said, “Who!?”
“And I’ll be honest we haven’t gone that far back in history class and fall backing on our Sunday school experience-”
I would have gone on for quite a bit but she cut me off, “Hamlet would you just shut up and writethe damned- .”
“But where shall I begin.”
“Here’s an idea, darling,” she said deeply impatient and exhausted, “Start at The beginning ”
“Oh well we did read Paradise Lost in class with Drinkwater so I suppose-”
“Hamlet,” she saiid sharply, “You are very droll and very hilarious. But Ii am quite tired and so I shall leave you too mull over what where it all started for you.?” I had about to speak again when she said, “Well here’s where it gets worse.””
“Oh it’s worse” I sighed, “How can it get possibly worse?”
Regina kicked me under the table,“Well If you’d let me speak. I could tell you. Well do you remember what happened after the statue fell?” Regina spoke
“I can’t believe I have to say this but which time?” I said
“The second time,” she said sharply, “You know the incident that concerned you more closely? Well I wouldn’t have expected you to notice anything because you were to busy swooning into Jago Keyne’s arms-”
“I was not swooning-”
“And Colin was to busy sulking about…”
“What does that supposed to mean?”
“But, you see, because I actually pay attention.to my surroundings I did actually notice that something was amiss. “ She said rather heatedly. And I could tell that she wasn’t going to divulge what this mysterious thing was without a lot of me pleading and prodding.
“Oh, Regina,” I said trying to sound as sincere as possible, “Please tell me what you noticed. You are ever so intelligent, and unappreciated for your genius..”
“Ok, Darling.”
“And you are also so beautiful. So beautiful in fact as to make heaven jealous of earth.”
“DARLING.”
“And kind too. You put Mother Tereasa and Nurse Nightngale-:
“Hamlet, would you just shut up, you petulant prawn,” she said some how sounding both heated and still retaining her rather regal way of speaking. “Now anyway the thing I noticed was little stone that fell of the roof.”
“Oh I noticed that too actually, Regina.”
“No you did not.”
“Yes. I did it was rather large, shaped like a gargoyle and nearly took of my head.” I said and almost immediately regretted it. Regina spoke in a voice of forced cool, “Now, Hamlet sweetie, if you want me to finish what I was saying, I am going to need your to stop talking for just give minutes, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Well I wasn’t talking about the gargoyle. I was talking about a little pebble that fell after the gargoyle fell. Now what does that little falling pebble tell you,” She said and then after a moment of me not responding, she spoke again, “Well?”
“I thought you wanted me to stay quiet.”
“Well. Let’s just follow the heirs rule of you speaking when prompted. Now what does the falling pebble tell you,” she said. I shrugged, “Gosh. I don’t know, Regina. I assume the base of the statue was crumbling.”
“You see I thought that too. But then I realised that that pebble was made of a different material than the gargoyle. It looked like a piece of tile from the roof. Now what does that tell you,” she said and I sighed, “Regina, not that I am not greatly enjoying this guessing game, but can you please just make your point.”
“Fine, Rook. Well, that tells us that someone was on the roof. And that someone pushed the gargoyle onto you.”
“Yes.”
“And the incident at your polo practice? When you fell of your saddle? It wasn’t by accident…And the dead bird?”
“Yes”
“Oh, Hamlet,” she said, “Don’t you see? The killer is targeting you?”
“Oh.”
“Yes and I know think you know why.”
“What do you mean?”
“And I think it’s because you say something- he or she didn’t want you to see what you saw that night is probably something trivial, something inconspicuous. Something most people wouldn’t even notice,” she said, “But your mutant brain would have picked. Up on it, and stored it away. Now, I need you to do what I asked and let me read it on Monday.”
I nodded mutely. “Oh and Hamlet please leave out any descriptions of you and James kissing in dark hallways. I don’t think my stomach can take it,” she said we both laughed. After that the Librarian shooed us out and we both went back to our dorms. I got there just at 10 and the prefect tapped his watch shooting me a rather disappointed look. Colin was awake and we talked a lot about a little. I bathed, brushed and now here I sit.
The night is young and the events of the past several months were whirring fresh in my mind.So where to begin? I suppose the best place to begin would be when mother was at the academy or when I was born, but that’s bit beyond my patience much less my scope. I could begin on the night of the murder but which murder?But it seems that the first murder (if it was a murder) lead upto the second murder. So I suppose I should start with the first alleged murder.. But I wasn’t in the same room, or even county as the supposed murder when it happened. But I think I know where too start and it begins with all things a seemingly innocuous gift of flowers

So three weeks ago now, I went to the ER with what I suspected was a UTI, a kidney stone, and a kidney infection. Urinalysis, blood work, and a CT scan proved I was right on all three suspicions. I was sent home with antibiotics, pain meds, and flomax. After a week and a half on the flomax, the pain had gone away and I was peeing normally. I finished up my two weeks of antibiotics, and figured all was well and the stone had passed.
This past Monday night, the pain came back with a vengeance. I went from completely fine to sweating and throwing up in an hour. I blacked out from the pain. Roommate rushed me to the same ER, where we found that the stone hadnt moved at all and had actually completely blocked my kidney. The infection was raging in my kidney, it had begun to swell, and the doctor said I was close to sepsis. He admitted me to the hospital, telling me "in a situation like this, it only takes a month to kill you."
Tuesday evening, I was taken into surgery where they placed a stent to drain my kidney and treat the infection. Blood and pus poured out of my kidney, according to the urologist after I woke up from surgery. My team of nurses and specialists spent the next two days trying to find a med combo to manage my pain. I spent most of that time gagging, sweating and crying from the pain. Thursday night, we finally found a combo that worked and I had some relief.
Friday, they removed me from the meds and discharged me, without checking if the stone had moved, without listening to me telling them I wasn't ready (still not eating, barely drinking, not functioning at all). They told me to call their urology department to set up a follow up appt for them to remove the stent and maybe break up the stone. Which means another, separate copay on top of all the fun medical bills I have now.
I've been home three days and I'm miserable. I'm in so much pain, I'm still bleeding from my urethra (which is apparently normal after stent placement), I'm in and out of consciousness with these meds, I'm dizzy, I'm barely eating, I'm struggling and I'm angry.
I'm angry that my pain isnt being listened to. That they're trying to make me pass this whole stone for another week before they'll do anything actually helpful. I'm angry that they lied before surgery - they told me they'd be placing the stent AND breaking the stone up, but they didn't.
I just want to pee normally again. I want to get on with my life. My nephew is heartbroken I can't pick him up right now, I can't play with my dogs, I can't sit up long enough to play video games with my roommate, I've missed a week of work. When does it fucking end??

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Kitchen_Earth7954
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole + their own page
Previous BoRU originally posted by u/KittenDealinMama
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine + 1 year UPDATE
Trigger Warnings: possible domestic violence, possible financial abuse, possible divorce
RECAP
Original Post - May 19, 2023
I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper.
Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on.
Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job.
A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper.
Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?
Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see.
Emma and Harper are best friends.
It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break.
We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself.
Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights.
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Comments

where’s Harper’s mom in all this?

OOP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now

So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc?

OOP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast.

are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you?

OOP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back.

7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue.

OOP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center.

you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him

OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person

Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it?

OOP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes.
 
Update #1 - June 2, 2023 (2 weeks later)
So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks.
As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time.
The short version is:
Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.
Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.
Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own.
So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.
The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer.
The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer).
When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything.
Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement.
Wish me luck we shall see how this goes.
 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: 1 year later - May 12, 2024 (11 months later)
So it’s been almost a year since my last update but with Mother’s Day upon us I thought I would post an update and try to answer the questions I’ve gotten.
Jenn and Harper are still living with us. As I mentioned before Jenn did not make that much money, she worked as a phlebotomist for our local health network. The good news is with the current nursing shortage they have a program where they will pay for employees to go to nursing school. She was able to start that in the end of August. The bad news is it’s an 18 month program and they only let you work 20hrs a week while you are in the program. So the arrangement is one she graduates she will move out then. That should be next May.
The Divorce with Dead Beet is still ongoing. Once he found out he was going to have to pay child support he tried every dirty nasty trick he could think of. No idea when that will be finished.
My wife is doing good, she happy she is helping her best friend, but 5 people in a house is a lot more work than 3. Since she works from home the pre and post school work falls on her.
Emma and Harper are still best friends. Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. They don’t do everything together anymore. Harper quit dance class, but she started with soccer. I think knowing that she will get fatherly attention no matter what she is doing has given her some freedom to pursue other interest. Harper has turned into my Lego buddy. Emma never had any interest but Harper and I have done some nice sets together.
Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight.
I think I am doing better a year later. That there is a plan with a timetable for Jenn and Harper has relived a lot of stress from my life. That I also don’t have to see Dead Beet has also been a relief. I also try to take a few hours a month for me time and to do my hobbies. The bad part is I had thought that I was done with the portion of my life where I had roommates. It will also be nice when Jenn either gets her nursing job and/or gets child support so that Amber and I can stop footing the bill for so much.
For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened.
 

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