Whats up my dudes, we are back at it with another chapter for you all. We are getting the swing of things and have another chapter or two to start the main plot fully, we are just getting to know our leads for now. I hope you enjoy
Lets get this bread
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The movement from the nightclub to Stitch’s clinic was grueling. Typically lugging a passed-out HVI or some other sod halfway across the city's district would not be a challenge. With his cybernetics, Conor was in decent enough shape and could sprint ten kilometers in full battle rattle without breaking a sweat, but Conor had pushed himself and didn’t need to wax a few Voodal in his way.
Conor had heard that Kurlatra were dense, but his assumptions about how heavy they were came nowhere close to the reality of picking one up.
Whatever this woman's name was, she likely weighed north of eighty kilograms. It was a shock because she was a meter and a half tall at most. For Urka’s sake, Conor only weighed one hundred and fifty kilograms despite being two meters tall and filled to the brim with wires.
He thought a bit about the woman's build and realized why she must weigh so much. She had hips and legs that could crush a man's skull. Along with a pair of tits just big enough that they would overflow from your hands.
Conner was made all the more well aware of those traits as he adjusted her to ensure he would not drop the little lass. Her fatty chest and plump thighs would try to swallow his hip each time he did. No sentient this small had any right being heavier than his entire breacher kit, explosives, anti-rifle armor, and all.
If not for Brakul expecting this rosey scag to be delivered to Stitch’s place, Conor would have lugged her to his safe house, which was far closer. But no, he had another job and order to follow.
The only shining light on this impromptu extraction was that the Voodal did not follow him. He had been worried about that last ganger he had shot; they had only eaten one round through the midchest. At the time, it looked like it might not have been a heart shot, and since he was picking this bimbo up at the time, he did not have a chance to ensure they were put down permanently.
Conor took a deep breath as he rounded the corner into a dirty alleyway, leaving the bustling thoroughfare behind. Thankfully, the residents of Heavalun knew better than to mess with him or anyone else who regularly did mercenary work, especially when they were carrying a body—alive or not.
Those who stopped his type tended not to live long, so he was ignored other than a few passing glances.
After traveling a few meters into the alleyway, Conor stopped and tucked behind a dumpster. His feet squelched in a puddle of rank trash water leaking from the impromptu cover. While Conor was reasonably sure no one had followed him, a quick double-check was always good for his skin.
Conor did not want to bring trouble to Stitch’s place. He did not have the slightest idea where he would find another techy who could synthesize the cocktail of stimulants Stitch made to keep his broken body held together. Pissing the tech head off was not high on his priority list.
Over the next ten minutes, the only thing his thermal vision picked up between him and the main road was a few Zlit rats scurrying atop discarded food. Their fleshy tendrils groped the garbage and pulled it into maws of razor-sharp teeth.
The sight of them sent a shiver down his spine. Those foul little mammals were high on his list of hated creatures, having been bitten by them more than once since he was a kid slinking around the gutters of Heavalun.
Pushing those memories away, Conor traveled deeper and rounded a blind corner. The sounds of the crowd's chatter entirely vanished as he entered the backstreet where Stitch’s clinic was nestled.
The rest of the journey was only a few hundred meters and only required Conor to sidestep some used needles and shit; He also had to kick one homeless bum who tried to grab the girl out of the cover of his jacket. Usually, he would have just shot the piece of hreck shit, but with his hands full, a swift boot to the jaw got the message across.
With the bum limping away, broken jaw clutched in pain, Conor hammered on the metal door; its frame and the neon sign to its side quivered under his brute strength. Then began the worst part of dealing with Stitch, waiting for the asshole to open the door.
Conor waited until ten minutes had passed and received no answer. Then he punched the door harder, his metal hand denting the surface. Several seconds later, a heavily synthesized voice echoed out of the speakers hidden around the area—speakers that Conor had never been able to locate, no matter how fervently he tried.
“What do you want, Conor?” Stitch questioned. “Did you break more of your wiring?”
Conor sighed heavily, knowing Stitch had this entire block wired with multispectrum cameras and could see him a kilometer out. If this were a visit for his wiring, Stitch would know. The man was just being paranoid and wanted Conor to state his business.
“I got a girl I need you to check up on,” Conor said, pushing his jacket slightly open and letting the girl's ref scales shine.
“What another hooker pass out on a bad trip?” Stitch chuckled cruelly. “This is the fourth this month; you are getting soft merc.”
Rolling his eyes, Conor could admit he was softer than most of the other mercenaries and gangsters in the city's neutral sections. Having seen his fair share of how bad this city can be, Conor did his best not to fuck over those who were just down on bad times and were not trying to cause him issues.
Life was arduous enough for them. So he gave back by lugging hookers and junkies to the nearest tech head and paying for their treatment or the closest Zential clinic. The Zentials were more than willing to treat the downtrodden for free, unlike the other medical services in Heavalun—stitch included.
He considered it his way of giving back and maybe finding Urka's good grace. Perhaps the god might forgive him for being a general piece of hreck shit if he continued to until he did. But he would not know until he finally kicked the bucket.
His intervention was a drop of clean water in the ocean of venom in this city. The other locals were more than willing to pick those he aided clean in minutes. They might as well be a swarm of bealit beatles eating carrion with how ravenous they were.
“It ain’t that. Just open the damn door,” Conor growled, punching the door again.
“Hold on, you greased-up cyborg,” Stitch frantically complained, worried that Conor would break his door again.
Conor smirked, glad the strange form of tolerance he and Stitch had built over the years was still strong. At this point, it was their modus operandi. Neither hated the other; no, they respected one another's role in this shithole.
Both toles put them in harm's way and brought them respect and infamy.
However, Conor found the way the denizens of Heavalun treated them funny. If you asked the average COS or GU citizen, who was more brutal: a mercenary with a pension for hyper-violence and little regard for collateral damage—-or a skeletal Itelv doctor who regularly performs life-saving surgery? They would choose Conor ten out of ten times. They did not know Stitch like Conor, Brakul, or most of the people in this city section.
They would tell you the truth of the good doctor.
They would weave you a tale of a greedy, crit-pinching asshole and that Stitch was the type of man who would stitch up for pay but would just as quickly harvest your organs for sale, or Urka forbid he would stick some experimental tech inside you and wait for your inevitable death to retrieve his property.
The door at long last opened with a vile hiss, and a gangly grey-skinned hand forced it open.
Stitch was just about as tall as Conor. But his thin grey limbs made him look one stiff breeze away from taking flight, with only his heavy artificial spider-like legs keeping him firmly on the planet.
Draped over his pencil-thin neck was a once-white apron. After years of use, it was stained with blood, oil, and hydraulic fluid.
“If she ain't one of your precious hookers, put her on the table. I will get my tool ready,” Stitch hissed, jamming his thumb over a shoulder.
“I ain’t selling this one to you either. Girlie got tagged by visage, and I need yah to treat her,” Conor replied, pushing past and laying the blonde on the recovery bed.
“You said she ain’t some hooker,” Stitch complained following, having gotten tired of Conor no longer bringing him fresh meat to sell.
Once Conor turned around and was about to explain the situation, Stitch pressed a bony finger into Conor's chest. “I told you, I'm selling the next one. She is it,”
“Can it doc. She is a client,” Conor replied. “Or are you going to explain to Brakul why you cut her up?”
Stitch clicked his tongue but did not try to move closer. His glassy, verdant eyes pulled Conor and the girl apart as he weighed the pros and cons of allying with Conor and Brakul another time.
“What is in it for me?” Stitch questioned, tapping a finger on a scalpel attached to his tool belt.
Conor sighed, realizing he should have expected this question, but he was not the broker of deals. That was Brakul’s schtick, and he was running late.
“You can take her jewelry and any credsticks you find on her. Alright?” Conor replied, knowing Brakul likely would have made a similar deal.
Stitch nodded and slinked closer to the woman. He lifted the necklace from her chest and carefully examined the jewels with a prudish eye any good businessman should have. After Stitch activated his magnified eyes, his cornea glowed gold, letting him see the atoms of the shiny trinket.
The doctor grinned cruelly, letting his crystalline teeth show proudly. The sight was unsettling and made Conor grip his pistol, fearing the doctor would flip his shit and decide it was not enough payment and try to cut the girl up.
But he did not start to slice her skin open. Instead, he sniggered nearly uncontrollably for a few moments, then spoke. “Yes, yes, yes. This will do just fine,” He sneered.
Conor was unsure what the jewels were, but they must be worth far more than he initially thought. For Urka's sake, Stitch was drooling on the necklace and the passed-out girl's chest.
“Good. So you will take care of her?” Conor questioned, needing to hear an assured answer.
Quickly slipping the jewelry into his pocket, Stitch looked back at Conor, his demeanor having done a complete one-eighty. “Of course, I always have room for paying customers.”
“Oh sweet, Conor, you handled the deal,” Brakul said, having just stepped in through the doors.
Why Brakul was allowed unfettered access to Stitch’s clinic and Conor was not something Conor had wondered for years but had accepted it as something to do with their role in the duo.
“Yeah, and he will watch the client. But we had yet to lay out the finer details,” Conor explained.
“Ah, no issue, I can take it from here,” Brakul replied.
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so what did you think? a decent chapter or total trash? either way I wanna know. I will see you all in the comments. please don't forget to comment and updoot.
your baker
-Pirate
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Welcome to Reading The Big Book of Cyberpunk!
Each week we (u/FarragutCircle and u/fanny_bertram) will be reading 5-ish stories from Jared Shurin’s The Big Book of Cyberpunk, which includes a curated selection of cyberpunk stories written from 1950 to 2022! We’ll include synopses of the stories along with links to any legally available online versions we can find. Feel free to read along with us or just stop by and hear our thoughts about some cyberpunk stories to decide if any of them sound interesting to you.
Every once in a while, we reach out to people who have more insight, due to being fans of the author or have some additional context for the story. (Or we just tricked them into it.) So please welcome u/RuinEleint who will be sharing their thoughts on "The Yuletide Cyberpunk Yarn, or Christmas_Eve-117.DIR" by Victor Pelevin!
“Deep Eddy” by Bruce Sterling (published 1993; also available in his collection Ascendancies: The Best of Bruce Sterling)
Deep Eddy is acting as a data courier to the Cultural Critic in Düsseldorf, right as the city goes through a Wende (a sort of anarchist “Purge”).

• Farragut’s thoughts: We’ve read Sterling before in Science Fiction. Eddy is a misguided libertarian creep who won’t stop hitting on his German bodyguard and is too dumb to understand the philosophical points that the Cultural Critic is making (for that matter, I’m too dumb to understand, too). He survives his time in Germany, but has learned nothing of value for his punk attitude. What’s the point of rebelling if you don’t understand why? The naivete and creepiness were a little too much for me.
  
• fanny’s thoughts: This did not work for me. Eddy is creepy and annoying. He keeps hitting on the bodyguard and she makes it VERY clear she is only there in a professional context. Eddy also seems to generally not have any clue what he is doing. He is libertarian and against something but no one seems to know what. He doesn't even seem to know what he delivered to the Cultural Critic.
  

“The Yuletide Cyberpunk Yarn, or Christmas_Eve-117.DIR” by Victor Pelevin (1996, translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)
A corrupt mayor’s computer is infected by a virus that causes chaos in Russia.

• Special Guest Ruin: This was a fascinating story to read. The way the narrative segued from a discussion on poetry to a darkly comedic look at a Russian city was remarkable. The author seems to like to start or lead with a theme or themes which seem to be only tangentially related to each other such as for example the name of the computer virus, or Gerasimov and his dog. But both elements circle back into the story and are crucial to its structure. As for the content of the story itself, I amused myself by imagining the events as being a movie that blended the stylistic elements of Tarantino and Wes Anderson. So we have brutal, bloody violence in increasingly absurd settings and the way it is all described makes it easy to imagine it all taking place amidst the highly stylized sets and characters we would expect in a Wes Anderson movie. Overall, I really enjoyed this story.
  
• Farragut: We’ve read Pelevin before in Modern Fantasy. First of all, this is a fantastic title for a story, period. Second of all, I just enjoyed Pelevin’s style here (via Shvartsman’s translation), with an omniscient narrator telling us about a completely ridiculous situation. It gets a little cagey with the identity of the perpetrator and the ending, but I’m very curious as to how darkly I should read it (now that I think about it, it’s directly connected to the original, so I should read it very darkly indeed). Shvartsman’s occasional footnotes were very helpful, however, especially with the context surrounding Gerasim(ov) and Mumu.
  
• fanny: Ruin's review is so good, I am not sure what to add. The style of this story fit the elements so well. It starts with a poem whose themes carry through the story. The footnotes were a really great addition and helped contextualize. The narrator keeps upping the ridiculousness until we get to the end and everything gets wrapped up.
  

“Wonderama” by Bef (1998, translated from Spanish by the author)
Lalo (or is it Eduardo?) wakes up every day in the most awesome life in 1974, but it’s revealed to be a lie and ends tragically.

• Farragut: Bef is a Mexican SF writer, a crime writer, and a graphic novelist, and honestly his whole bibliography sounds cool as heck. Told in a series of diary entries with some small interruptions, we follow a kid whose life is like a Mexican kid’s sugar-fueled dream. The reason for its inclusion in this thematic section of the anthology becomes clear however, and I yelled, “Noooo!” at the ending. Sigh. It’s very good!
  
• fanny: I am a sucker for diary entry style stories and this was no exception. Lalo’s life seems almost perfect, but it feels so off. The story feels progressively more off until we start to question everything. Also, yelled “Nooo!” at the ending. Very good. Absolutely loved.
  

“comp.basilisk FAQ” by David Langford (1999) (link to story)
A FAQ-style story that clearly describes a bizarre future where images on the web and TV are banned due to the risk of death.

• Farragut: Langford is famous for having the most Hugo wins (29), mostly for the Fan Writer category, but also Short Story (not this one) and Best Related Work (not this one either). This is a delightful story that made me think of it as a precursor to qntm’s later story “Lena” from Week 5 (though obviously only in general form). Apparently I love the faux-nonfiction style where some of the horror and plot is between the lines. The final FAQ about Microsoft was darkly funny.
  
• fanny: This was fun and very short. The FAQs related to basilisk and writing were great. It goes between funny, dark humor, and just dark. I liked the commentary on technology and software. I also really appreciate the standard response answers explaining they should post someone else. This is something I deal with often and this was great.
  

“Spider's Nest” by Myra Çakan (2004, translated from German by Jim Young; also available in the anthology The Apex Book of World SF 3 edited by Lavie Tidhar)
Spider, uh, does something? Is looking for drugs, maybe? But something else happens instead?

• Farragut: Çakan is a German writer from Hamburg, and after reading this story, I’d say Shurin made hamburger out of me, too. The main thing I got out of this story was that Spider really wanted something, maybe. I thought it was drugs, but he got angry at his dealer and then got super weird with his friend’s girlfriend? And then there was a Silver Spider, who wasn’t him, but maybe he plugged himself in to replace her? What is happening?
  
• fanny: Spider definitely wanted drugs from his dealer, Ant. I think. Ant got annoyed at something then Spider got into a voyeur situation (maybe). There is a Silver Spider in his dreams that makes him feel better. I couldn't tell if this was dream or drug induced or technology induced. The end is super weird and makes even less sense than the story. Spider might have done a murder on himself? I have been confused before in this anthology, but not to this level.
  

That’s it for this week! Check back the same time next week where we’ll be reading and discussing "The Last American" by John Kessel, "Earth Hour" by Ken MacLeod, "Violation of the TrueNet Security Act" by Taiyo Fujii, "Twelve Minutes to Vinh Quang" by T. R. Napper, and "Operation Daniel" by Khalid Kaki.
Also posted on Bochord Online.

After playing I grew opinion that Sordland is most similar to Georgia and I will explain why.
(It's just a speculation and theory)

History parallels

I will start with direct parallers.
Sordland: Wisci (first president of Sordland) wrote a constitution which tried to establish the institutions necessary for a democratic republic. Soon, Wisci's government became the victim of a military coup led by the nationalist general, Eduard Luderin. Luderin instituted a reign of terror that crushed dissent against his government. The Sordish Civil War erupted.
Georgia: Gamsakhurdia’s (who was also the first president) government also try to wrote constitution and to form government, but it failed because of Nationalist military coup led by Jaba Ioseliani. which started the times of Anarchy and civil war with trumvirate government ruled by Jaba Ioseliani, Tengiz Sigua and Tengiz Kitovani.
Sordland: The civil war ended after Colonel Tarquin Soll intervened, which resulted in Luderin's capture and Rikard's death. Soll restored the republic with himself as president and established the United Sordland Party, which served as the governing party of Sordland. Under Soll's leadership, the young republic experienced stability and growth and protection from foreign influence, which solidified the country's position.
Georgia: Civil war ended after Eduard Shevardnadze intervened, which also funny enough resulted in capture of Tengiz Sigua, Tengiz Kitovani and Jaba Ioseliani’s death. Shevardnadzes finally formed government and established constitution and Presidency. Shevardadzes rule was characterised of ending anarchy, stability, growth and also establishing protective measures against any foreign powers.
Sordland: Unfortunately over time, Soll grew increasingly authoritarian, which brought the country into stagnation and increased political and racial tensions. Tarquin Soll was eventually succeeded by Ewald Alphonso, a reformist within the USP who promised to bring reform to the country. Unfortunately, a combination of infighting, a hasty liberalization of the economy and continental economic tensions led to a recession and the empowerment of various oligarchs.
Georgia: As expected Shevardnadze was practicly a authoritarian dictator with infinite power because of broken Constitution that established Absolute presidency. He was succeded by Mikheil Saakashvili who was also part of Shevardnadzes party and was known reformer. His reforms was charaterised as pro-free market and excesive privatization, which led to reccession, uneployment and problem with oligarchs, but it was hard because of as said in Suzerain “hasty liberalization of the economy and continental economic tensions” which perfectly explains it.
I believe simillarities end there because there is no corrolations between Anton and party that succeded the Saakashvili.

Geopolitics

Sordland is between two superpowers of Arcasia and United Contana. This is pretty easy to see as Georgia is also between influence of Capitalist USA and Communist China. Georgia is friendly to both and is experiencing benefits from both of them.
In north there is Rumburg which is identical to Russia. both imperialist country that is characterised by agression. Sordland can have war with Rumburg, as well as Georgia had one with Russia.
Sordland and Agnolia are friends and Agnolia is clearly Netherlands. Georgia has strong relationship with netherlands (probably best in Europe).
Wehlen can be Azerbaijan. They are simillar because of Authoritarian President and Oil.

Separatist Region

Sordland: There is Special zone of Bergia within the Sordland that is problematic Region because of it’s Seccesionist tendencies. Bludish separatis are suplied with AK’s by Rumburg.
Georgia: There sadly was a Autonomous region of Abkhazia which was also seccesionist and is probably exactly is like bergia. Abkhazian separatists were suplied with AK by guess who… Russia.

Characters

Wisci and Gamsakhurdia

• Both first presidents.
• both were authors and wrote poems.
• Famous father and son.
• Came with Revolution (definetly with a blast).
• was couped.
• had tragic and undeserving death.

Wisci and Gamsakhurdia

Tarquil Soll and Eduard Shevardnadzee

• both were experienced statesman.
• ended anarchy and stabilized country.
• Saviours of Government at first, but Authoritarians at the end.
• Protectionist politics.
• Created Constitution.
• the way game describes vibe of soll is same as Shevardnadze (Abstract I know but both had same presence in room trust me).
• Was ousted by Inexperienced Reformist.
• Have not been seen after resignation and were isolated.
• had protection status (somethin like member of honour).
• had immense power and infuence even after resignation.

Soll and Shevardnadze

Ewald Alphonso and Mikheil Saakashvili

• Both were Reformist within Party (Ewald in USP and Saakashvili in UCG (Union of Citizens of Georgia).
• Implimented Free-market reforms.
• Privatization and Tax cuts.
• Pro-wester capitalists
• Radical reforms that hindered public opinion.
• Ties to Businessmans.
• Constantly in a battle against Old Guard.
• Tried to hurt authoritarian nature of previous leader.

Unlike Alphonso, Saakashvili served two termes as a president but I only counted his first one.
Ewald and Mikheil

Conclusion

This is my opinion and even though I tried to base it on as much facts as I can it is just a speculation. Because I dont know much about modern Turkey I can’t say much about their similarities.
I don't know if this kinda story repeats in every country in reccession but it definetly happend in Georgia.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes and thank you if you for read it and for learning a little more about my country.

On a rainy Saturday afternoon not so long ago when internet connection was fluctuating in most homes, the 80-year-old Cecile Guidote-Alvarez, widow of the late Senator Heherson Alvarez, carrying a mini iPad, hurriedly alighted from a three-wheeled pedicab Toktok and stormed her way into a popular coffee shop in a mall in Manila.

A senior citizen in panic mode, she told the stunned baristas she’s looking for a Wi-Fi connection because she was about to interview retired Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonio Carpio via Zoom.
The coffee shop, a known world brand, has Wi-Fi exclusive to its employees, so the old lady was told to try other establishments. She went from one coffee shop to another only to be told the same, until a kind stranger led her to a well-known beauty salon with a free internet connection.
The lady salon attendant was very accommodating to the octogenarian, even typing the password on her IPad. Of course, she needed to avail herself of their salon services. Initially, she opted for a haircut, but since she needed to talk and hear clearly who she was talking to, she settled for a foot spa with pedicure.
“They lowered the volume of the piped-in music, and since there were less customers because it’s been raining all day, I was able to do my interview,” Guidote-Alvarez said.
For the next half-an-hour, the hair dressers and manicurists working with their scissors, nail clippers and cuticle removers on their customers’ hair and fingernails, listened to Carpio and Guidote-Alvarez discussed how Filipino fishermen and the Philippine Navy ships helplessly negotiate their ways in Scarborough Shoal amid the territorial disputes in the West Philippine Sea.
“They were all very nice to me. I was able to finish my interview, with newly pedicured nails,” she told The Diarist.
For those who’ve worked with Guidote-Alvarez, her steadfast, almost stubborn, nature to accomplish a task, is nothing out of the ordinary. She would improvise, find alternatives, call up friends and former students, wake them up from sleep, just to get things done.
But now, in her 80s, legally blind and nearly deaf, she has mellowed down.
Cecile Alvarez with her mentors, National Artist for Literature Alejandro Roces, Jr and Fr. James Reuter. SJ
In her twilight years, Guidote-Alvarez has been solely hosting the 57-year-old Radyo Balintataw on DZRH, one of the oldest radio stations in the Philippines, where she tackles a wide range of topics, from climate change, women’s health, theater, culture, dance, to current issues, apart from playing old recordings of classic radio plays she produced and directed, dating back to the late ‘80s.
She shared with TheDiarist.ph how she started and continues to host one of the longest running advocacy programs on AM Radio.
Theater on TV
After founding the Philippine Educational Theater Association (PETA) on April 7, 1967, or exactly 57 years ago, Guidote-Alvarez thought of the need to expose PETA’s members to television, so she started conceptualizing Balintataw, which in Filipino means the pupil of the eye, but in a larger context has something to do with having wild imagination, or what you might see if you have a third eye.

“I designed Balintataw as a bridge between cinema and the stage, where the youth being trained in theater skills can have a ready-made laboratory experience linked with the film and entertainment industry that would likewise have a natural on-the-job training and orientation regarding the theatrical discipline of working with a literary script, whether dramatic or comic—not the regular improvised script done on taping or copycat scripts from foreign themes,” Guidote-Alvarez wrote in her yet-to-be published Memoir of a Freedom Fighter’s Wife.
“A primary goal when I conceived PETA was to initiate and sustain artistic expression that draws meaning and power from the lives of the people, and sharing the literary gems with a greater number of audiences through a Broadcast Theater-Film Program with Balintataw on Channel 5,” she added.
“No matter how little the pay, at least it provided our local writers with a little honorarium. I sought permission for award-winning pieces of the Palanca Playwriting contest to be fleshed out to reach the masses. The much-awarded playwright Bert Florentino served as our literary manager, assisted by Mauro Avena. Eventually, Isagani Cruz took over when Bert left for the US,” she wrote.
“Writers need exposure and encouragement through a regular TV performance that will give them a sense of achievement and inspire them to keep on writing with some kind of honorarium. I was glad Lupita Aquino (now Kashiwahara) agreed to be TV director and Robert Arevalo as TV host.
She got members of the PETA Kalinangan Ensemble to serve as stage directors. “This is to undertake preliminary preparation with a rehearsal with the actors for character development and memorization and preliminary staging,” she wrote.
Five months after PETA was founded, Balintataw TV premiered on Channel 5 on Aug. 19, 1967, coinciding with the Buwan ng Wika birthdate of President Manuel Luis Quezon.
The first play, whose title escapes her now, featured Armida Siguion-Reyna and Maria Eva “Chingbee” Kalaw. She employed photo journalist and award-winning photographedocumentarist/cinematographer, Romy Vitug, to work with her in filming outdoor scenes for Balintataw.

In the pre-Martial Law Balintataw, among those initiated into television were Lino Brocka, Elwood Perez, Nick Lizaso, Maryo delos Reyes, Mario O’Hara, Joey Gosiengfiao, Behn Cervantes, and Frank Rivera.
Among the stage actors who crossed over to television were Lily Gamboa, Angie Ferro, Lorlie Villanueva, Jonee Gamboa, Joy Soler, Sherry Lara, Gardy Labad, Noel Trinidad.
Like with PETA, Guidote-Alvarez directed and managed Balintataw for five years. Because of Martial Law, she and husband Heherson went on exile in the US to escape a military shoot-to-kill order on Heherson, who was tagged as a subversive.
Post-Martial Law
Internationally acclaimed auteur Lav Diaz mentioned in several interviews how he learned writing radio and TV scripts in Balintataw.
This happened in the late 1980s, when the Alvarez couple returned from exile.
Despite its absence on the air in the Martial Law years, Balintataw was honored by Star Awards as among the 20 unforgettable outstanding broadcast programs in the Philippines.
“This encouraged me to consider reviving Balintataw on TV. Another blessing was a FAMAS award for having an important role in the development of cinema recognizing Balintataw as a bridge for synergizing cinema with the stage, providing a pathway of entry of our PETA artists into film and for movie stars to consider enriching their experience by acting on the legitimate stage,” Guidote-Alvarez wrote.
Though she didn’t return to PETA anymore because it had been surviving well and had its own set of officers led by Brocka, she just tapped some of its members for the return of Balintataw.
For 14 years, the Alvarez couple lived in the US as political exiles, shown here during a Ninoy Aquino Movement meeting. Cecile revived Radyo Balintataw upon their return in the late 1980s.
Channel 4 stint
“I arranged to revive TV Balintataw on Channel 4 in 1989. We began with a drama about a rebel returnee, title escapes me now, but I clearly remember it was written by Lualhati Bautista and directed by Maryo de los Reyes. We also had a good story series on the hazing of Lenny Villa, an Aquila Legis Frat neophyte,” she wrote.
At the time, Heherson had been elected senator after having served as Agrarian Reform Minister and eventually Cabinet Secretary during the first year of the Cory Aquino Administration.
“We were able to unravel the deadly hazing process from a fellow neophyte who broke the code of silence as we revealed graphically, acted the cruel process used. I had Jose Mari Avellana direct it. This presentation won all the awards. Lav Diaz was training with us and he started writing teleplays. We also had Nora Aunor in an adaptation of Bert Florentino’s The World Is An Apple, adapted by Frank Rivera, and I had Nick Lizaso direct.”

Emmy Awards
Balintataw TV was selected as one of five soaps for social change recognized by Emmy Awards. The Philippines was one of five countries cited, with Mexico, India, Brazil and Kenya.
“The nomination was made possible by the wonderful support from David Poindexter. It was a supreme honor for our country to be recognized in the Emmy Awards, to be cited among the five Third World countries using soap opera for social change.”
Poindexter was a Methodist minister and TV producer who founded the Population Communications International.
Surviving on radio
“In spite of the cry about how television can be deadening the minds of the people with copied themes with an eternal favorite love triangle story, there was really no funding for Balintataw,” she wrote.
“Sponsors would go naturally to the commercial stations where big stars were paid highly for the starring role. Balintataw may have substance but we could not afford payment of bankable stars,” she added.
“Financial stress forced me to drop TV and remain on radio because I didn’t want to kill Balintataw per se just because we didn’t have funds.”
Creative classroom
“We have focused on Balintataw as a creative classroom on the air. I was able to talk to Fred J. Elizalde of DZRH and the president of the network, Mr. Jun Nicdao,” she wrote.
In the ‘80s, the HIV/AIDS became a global epidemic and in the Philippines, the general populace was still clueless on how to deal with it.
“In order to get funding, the first series I did was about the explosive news regarding AIDS in Asia. I got the DOH Secretary at the time, Dr. Juan Flavier, to act as himself, providing the data. It was easier to start off with an AIDS radio serial.
They did a minimum of 13 episodes to raise awareness about the disease.
“From then on, some of our television scripts we transformed into a radio version. DZRH provided us with our initial production staff, so we used some from the network and some of its resident artists and drama talents. Our time slots were changing but always coming after the long-running horror drama, Gabi ng Lagim.
“We worked on the themes of overseas workers, the drug problem, corruption, aside from portraying contemporary and literary classics serving as social commentaries,” she wrote.
Women playwrights
“We dramatized the works of noted women writers and playwrights like Estrella Alfon, Genoveva Edroza Matute and Marilou Jacob, who is distinguished in being a founding president of Women’s Playwright International.
“Apart from our PETA staple of writers, we involved young, upcoming and budding university and community theater groups.
“We also had a lot of foreign plays, where we could feature theater festivals beyond borders. We could do Shakespeare, we could do Euripides but also the current playwrights in the Arab region we translated in our language.
“We brought in Chinese contemporary plays, Malaysian, Indonesian and from other women writers from ASEAN member countries.”
Virtual history book
“The significance of Balintataw is portrayed as a virtual history book on audio as it unveiled events in the country. Radio is fresh, instant and up-to date,” she added.
When the COVID-19 pandemic struck, Balintataw became Guidote-Alvarez’s outlet and therapy. Having lost her husband on the second month of the pandemic, a widow cocooned at home, she began hosting it six days a week, learning how to use an iPad and interviewing via Zoom.
The word “Balintataw” has been associated with her name.
Visual artist and editorial cartoonist Benjie Lontoc in casual meeting told us how in his younger days, when AM Radio was a national past-time, he was surprised to hear a Filipino adaptation of No Exit by Jean Paul-Sarte. This was when radio was airing soap, fantasy adventures targeting housewives and children.
Another was the airing of Larawan as a radio play in the 1990s, with Guidote-Alvarez as the voice of Candida Marasigan.
Leopoldo Salcedo (left) as Manolo in a confrontation scene with Dante Rivero as Tony Javier in PETA’s 1968 ‘Larawan’ directed by Cecile Guidote-Alvarez. (Photo from PETA archives)
In the 1960s, she directed Larawan, the first Filipino adaptation of Joaquin’s A Portrait of the Artist as Filipino for PETA’s second season. It ran from December 1968 to January 1969 at the Raha Sulayman Theater at Fort Santiago in Intramural. In the cast were Rita Gomez (Candida), Lolita Rodriguez (Paula), Leopoldo Salcedo (Don Manolo) and Dante Rivero (Tony Javier).
Guidote-Alvarez has a funny recollection of the radio play. It was Nick Joaquin himself who told her years ago how his pedicurist suddenly started a conversation about Larawan.

Joaquin was relaxing on the barber’s chair having a post-haircut pedicure and foot spa when the lady pedicurist asked him how the story would end. Joaquin was stunned because he didn’t want to be known in the barber shop as Nick Joaquin the famous National Artist for Literature, but just a regular customer.
“He told me he almost fell out from the chair. He was a very private person and the pedicurist recognized him as the playwright,” Guidote-Alvarez, laughing, told TheDiarist.ph.
When she was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000, she was given only three years to live. It’s been more than two decades since then. She has also conquered COVID-19 twice.
Over and beyond her work in theater and various advocacies, Guidote-Alvarez is among the few surviving practitioners of AM Radio broadcasting.
The beauty salon incident wasn’t a first for the octogenarian radio host. She occasionally went back there to interview guests and record her shows whenever Wi-Fi connections in her home fluctuated.
Despite all setbacks, man-made or otherwise, the steadfast Cecile Guidote-Alvarez’s voice continues to be heard in this mass media platform in an era that knows mainly Spotify. As Joaquin wrote, “to remember and to sing, that is her vocation.”
(Except Saturday, Radyo Balintataw airs daily on DZRH 666 Khz AM radio after ‘Gabi ng Lagim’, and live streamed on radio.org.ph. Some episodes have been uploaded on YouTube.)

After Luds comment on his last stream I did a quick Reddit search and found this post from 9yrs ago in sex by U/LudwigAhgren
Note: It was a funny read and definitely in his charming grammar style.
Note 2: Some of things do not work anymore but, a few still do.
“The Ultimate Guide to Shaving Your Pubes for Beginners (Men)
If you have a bush like Brillo^© , or just want to trim up the forrest so others can pass safely, you're in the right place.
I split groin hair into 5 different groups. Below I have listed the difficulty of each area as well as what kind of shave each area shall receive.
This is what we want the end product to look like. (His pubes look like the mustache of almighty Zeus himself!)

Pubic Hair	Ball Hair	Taint/Gooch Hair	High Thigh Hair	Shaft Hair
Easiest to shave. Needs to be trimmed down (No new-born baby penis look)	Scariest/Most Difficult to shave. This will be a clean shave.	Moderate difficulty. Up to shaver, but I prefer a clean shave.	Easy to shave. This will be a clean shave.	Nicks can happen here easily. This will be a clean shave.

Tools Needed: Shaving cream (MUST - Practice before which shaving cream works best! Sometimes Conditioner can work better),
electric razor (The side that pops out I will refer to as buzzer and the side with the guard I will refer to as electric razor from here on out)
A Women’s! shaving razor (women’s razors have a much higher guard and will protect better than one for men.
 
*PLEASE BE PREPARED!* I mean it’s your balls we’re talking about here…
 
Step 1: The first step will be to shave the pubic hair. Depending on how much hair is down there, you have the option to go at it with scissors like a harbor before throwing the buzzer down there. If you have an average amount (2”>x) then go at it with the buzzer. Hover your family jewels over the toilet, you may even choose to sit like a cool substitute teacher. Brush the square side of the buzzer backwards across your pubes vertically. It may seem as if it isn’t doing anything but trust me you’re losing hair faster than LeBraun James. Continue this until you deem it short enough, I like my pubes around 1/2”.
Note Make sure the pubes length is even throughout, focusing on areas that with longer hair to insure optimum symmetry, bitches love symmetry. Use a mirror!
 
Step 2: Now you’ll want to ‘square’ out your hair and completely shave off any outliers around your pubes. Perhaps you have a leaky happy trail? Or maybe your pubes are ‘fading’ in. Either way you’ll want this instead of this (not penis don’t fret) Use a mirror to make sure it’s not lopsided.
 
Step 3: Here we are going to tackle that upper thigh hair that encompasses the whole male crotch area. Now get all nakey if you aren’t already and hop in that shower. Make sure the water is warm because you’re going to be in there for a while. Whip out you’re shaving cream of choice, I use this because it makes the blade glide across my nuts (phrase of the day!). To be fair I am more metrosexual than most gay men. Anyway(!) lather that shaving cream on to you’re upper thigh, above the pubes and right around the taint (make sure the water isn’t washing it all away) and start shaving those areas. The shaving razor will insure that these areas are hair-free.
Note Make sure the blade follows the surface of the skin. You want max blade to skin contact.
 
Step 4: Here’s my favorite part. Shaving the shaft. Why is it my favorite? It adds an inch to your perceived dick length (now your dick will look like it’s an inch long^rekt. Extend your dick by pulling out your head. It will give a similar surface on the base of the dick to an erect penis. Now with the shaving cream and razor, shave the front part of the base, while always making sure the base is flat. Then do each side, trying your best to make the area being shaved flat. A flat area not only allows the razor to get more hair, it also prevents little nicks that can occur. I’ll refer back to Davidfor how far down the base you should shave.
Note If you look at the pic of David, you’ll notice he shaved the area to the right and left of his penis. That is totally you’re call, I have no opinion I find both to by stylish in their own penis way.
 
Step 5: The balls. AKA Holyshitiamsoscarediamgoingtochopmynutsoff. You may be tempted to skip this part, but trust me, hairy balls do not look good when the rest has been shaved. If you start this, you must to finish it. You are the chosen one. You are supposed to bring balance to your pubes, not leave them in darkness! Do it for the (potential) children.
Back to the balls. We’re going to first start with the outside balls. To do this get in your best captain stance which creates a nice U shape between your thigh and outer left/right ball. This is the kind of U Brett Farve has been talking about. Now, using that handy shaving cream and razor, this should be quite easy. Gently go up that are and always going along the grain. Don’t switch up directions here, that’s too ballsy.
After that’s done we’re going to drift away from the pubes for just a bit. Throw some shaving cream on the taint (this is the area that prevents you from shitting on your balls) and you’ll want to shave from your asshole to the base of your balls. Always going in that direction. IMPORTANT If you touch your taint (ew you’re gross) you’ll notice there is a line. Kind of feels like hair running from your asshole to your balls. It’s actually a vein that controls your orgasms. DO NOT SHAVE ON THIS VEIN Shave to the left and right of it. Don’t go directly on it. I don’t think anything will happen if you do… but better safe than orgasmless.
 
Step 6: Back to the balls and the last part of the shaving in the shower. This part is difficult and to be honest I’m not sure of the best way to approach this. Balls are weird and that they have no fucking shape and 2 million wrinkles. I like to first take my electric razor and use the buzzer part of it. Then I just air swipe my balls getting all the hair about 1/4” short. Then I take the shaving cream and focus on specific parts squeezing my balls to get maximum surface area. This seems to work out for me, but keeping it 1/4 of an inch isn’t that big of a deal. Hair that short is difficult to notice and ladies/men will still suck your nuts.
Note Loosen up before shaving your balls. Take deep breaths and relax. Make sure your asshole isn’t clenched because that raises your balls. And if you’re down there shaving with a clenched asshole, and for any reason your asshole unclenches, you’re balls will drop (again) and hell will break loose. It is better to shave them while they are low and have them clench upwards.
 
Step 7: Clean up all the pubes off of your body. This is no simple task. Water is an adhesive so you’ll have to detach the shower head and put that all up in your business. I like to turn on the bath and use that heavy rush of water to cleanse my body of those clingy cutoff pubes. Hop out the shower, dry off and look at your masterpiece Michelangelo. But you are not done yet!
 
Step 8: Similar to barbers, you will have missed a few hair and you’ll probably have a few 2 inch hairs amongst you’re gently coiffed pubes. Grab a pair of nail scissors or whatever tool you prefer and chop those suckers off. The majority will be on your balls. A fun thing I like to do that is totally fucking weird, is pulling long pubes on my balls and plucking them off. It is surprisingly easy to do so because of the loose ball skin. Don’t yank it out like a band-aid though or you’ll need a band-aid (Ha Ha.. I’m not funny)
 
Voila, you’re done. Get some aftershave on those freshly shaven balls to disinfect your nicks and make those meaty knockers smell like a man. Congratulations and I hope I was of some help!
 
Edit 1: Let't talk about asshole hair, (what a great conversation start^{furiouslyjotsdown)} that area can be shaved and it can look/feel good! But personally, I like to keep my Brown Eye of Sauron to myself. No traveller has dared venture down so I feel no need to shave.
Edit 2: One of my ball shaving colleagues has alerted me that the 'taint vein' is actually, "[A] scar, from where the skin fuses before birth and is called the perineal raphe." (Google it for some nice visuals)
 
Thank you all for the great response! Being on the front page of sex is something all my future employers will be impressed by. I recently shaved and I seriously mistook my junk for King David's jewels (obviously he is miles bigger) and I thought I'd right down exactly what I did.”

Hello.
My name is Flaviu E. Hongu. Some people including myself choose to spell my name as Flavius instead. I am what most would call a white dude. I was born in Romania in a fully Romanian family, and was raised by said Romanian family.
I would like to address specifically the people who use the term "cultural appropriation". There has not been even one case I've ever seen of someone saying cultural appropriation that wasn't a mistake. In every occasion I saw people partaking in and appreciating culture, not stealing it.
There have been cases where the person saying cultural appropriation has been actively racist to multiple groups of people, like when someone accused a young girl of mocking a culture for making funny faces while dancing their local dance. Well it turns out those "funny faces" that you criticized are actually part of the dance itself, and you made a fool of yourself and everyone who says cultural appropriation because you've just insulted their local dance.
I swear to god this is infuriating. Culture has always been meant to be shared, appreciated, mixed and changed. That's the whole point of culture.
My own Romanian culture is a mix of Roman (as the name suggests), Greek, Slavic, and also a huge chunk of Dacian which is the native tribe that inhabited the land before Romans conquered it.
By existing as a Romanian dude, am I fucking appropriating the Romans' culture for speaking my literal native Romanian language which comes from the Roman language? Am I appropriating the Slavs for being part of an Orthodox culture and using words such as slavă, ispravă, duhu sfânt, and slobozie? Am I appropriating the Slavs when the only word for clock in Romanian is ceas, which comes from the Slavic word for time? Should I still be speaking the Dacian language that the Romans eradicated and wearing only robes and herding sheep because I'm a native Romanian?
Or I'll do you one better, I live in Spain now, and I've been living here for most of my life, so I developed an appreciation for their culture. I think lentejas, garbanzos, and cocido are some of the most delicious shit humans have ever invented. Am I appropriating their culture when I unironocallh cook those dishes because I LOVE them? Or am I appropriating their culture whenever I speak their language, enjoy their music, read and quote their books, sing their poems and dance their dances???
The only way something can be qualified as cultural appropriation is if some group of people begins to do something that was developed by another group of people and then forbid and ban the original creators of thst practice from doing the thing.
I've never seen that happen in real life, and I don't thing it's even possible. If you ever feel like saying cultural appropriation, I think you mean cultural appreciation.
If I ever visit the US and see someone who isn't Romanian wearing my country's cultural clothes I'll LOVE IT. And if I walk down the street and see a dude wearing Adidas, doing the balkaner sitting, holding a bottle of home made țuică, going like "BA FRATE CE FACI MĂ?!" with a thick US accent and then he yells "SUKA BLYAT OH KURWA" and starts doing the Rasputin dance I will die of laughter right then and there, I will then join the dude in his comedic act, I will provide some original, real balkaner energy and will drink the țuică with him because it's funny as shit and I love that he even knows that much about my culture.
That's not appropriation. No one can appropriate my culture because no one can stop me from doing it and if they do it, I'll love it.
However what I did observe was that this "accusing people of cultural appropriation" thing is only ever done to white people. Like according to their logic a Kenyan cannot dance tango, and a Chinese can't play the piano, but no! They only ever target white people, and sometimes mock and disrespect the culture the white people are APPRECIATING out of sheer hatred for whites and full on ignorance.
As a matter of fact, according to their logic, if you aren't white you cannot and should not be wearing sneakers, pants, shirts, t-shirts, or glasses, you should not be using the English language, you shouldn't use cars because they were invented by a German, you shouldn't even be using phones and computers because it's a white cultural aspect.
Fucking bullshit I tell you.
The reality is that these people never ever target someone who is not white or someone partaking in other white culture. And I've heard them say things like white people have no culture which is why they feel the need to steal other's. Which is the most stupid and ignorant and even offensive thing I've heard. As a Romanian dude with a super rich culture, who also knows about the culture of other balkaners and the other countries surrounding my own, which are all inhabited by whites with a very very different culture, I feel invalidated. Do they think US culture is the only white culture? And also, they're even more ignorant than that because saying white people have no culture is like saying Americans don't have an accent. You don't hear the accent because it's YOUR accent and to YOU it doesn't sound different. And same as that, they don't consider American English culture a real culture because they see it every day.
People like that are actually just racists and hateful of white people and are using cultural appropriation as an excuse to insult white people and harass them for no reason at all. They are no better than the white racists, and their claims of white people having no culture is insulting and invalidating to the thousands of cultures that white people do have, all different from each other.
So, if you're the kind of person to say cultural appropriation, don't ever say that shit again, go ahead and stuff your stinky mouth with sarmale that you cooked yourself, go and put on an ie, go and dance a good horă and go put an entire oină bat in your ass.

Sofia, honey, please wake up' mum mind links as I stir in my sleep. I moan, not wanting to wake up. Why would mummy want to wake me up in the middle of the night? Maybe she didn't say anything and I'm just dreaming about this whole thing. I sign and roll over, sleep overcoming me. 'Sofia, please' I groan, trying really hard to wake up. She doesn't sound too happy with me. 'What's wrong mummy?' I ask her, still half asleep. 'Sofia, you need to get up and run. We're under attack from a rogue pack. Your father and I managed to hide your sister away somewhere safe but we can't get to you' 'Where are you, mummy?' 'The other side of the house baby. I tried to get to you and I was so close but a rogue got to me before I could reach you and knocked me out. I'm tied up. There's too many of them so I need you to get out of bed and run away from here as fast as you can. Use the door in daddy's office and the tunnels to get out. Run to one of the neighbouring packs and when you get there tell them what happened and then wait there for us to come and get you. Do you understand my love?' 'Yes, mummy.' 'Good girl. I love you Sofia.' 'I love you too mummy.' 'Run sweetheart.' 'Yes, mummy' I reply as a tear slips down my face. I sit up quickly and reach over to my bedside table. I fumble my hand around in the dark, trying to find my hearing aids. My hands connect with the cold plastic and I grab them and put them in as my bedroom light turns on and I come face to face with two large men. Rogues. I study them for a split second, frozen in place. Maybe I will blend into the duvet if I'm still enough. The man on the left is taller than the man on the right. Both of them have dark hair and black eyes, a mixture of dirt and blood covering their bodies. I bite my lips, trying to hold back a scream. "Hello there, sweetie," the man on the left says in what I hear as a mumble. I whimper as they get closer, still frozen with fear. "What's your name?" the other one asks with an evil grin. I shake my head and shuffle back against my headboard. 'Mummy?!' I mind link. No answer. 'Daddy? Please?' Still no answer. "I said what's your name girl?" the man asks again, his voice rising, anger clear in his tone. I whimper and point at my hearing aids, more tears falling down my cheeks. The men look at each other before looking back at me. "Are you deaf?" The one on the left asks loudly, his smile darkening. I whimper again and nod. He grins at the other guy before looking at me. "How old are you?" he grunts. Not wanting to make him any angrier, I shakily hold up eight fingers. "Oh, this should be fun," he says chuckling as he walks over to me. A scream manages to finally escape my throat, more tears rushing down my face as I curl up into a ball in terror. The man stops for a moment and pulls out some black leather gloves from his back pocket. He puts them on before pulling out a pair of silver handcuffs. My heart stops. Daddy told me what silver does to werewolves. It burns their skin and causes them pain. It's meant as a means of torture. Suddenly, he grabs my hands, yanking my arms behind my back as he turns me around, cuffing me. The silver burns into my skin. Just as daddy had warned me. I scream out in pain, sobs falling from my lips and he does the same with my ankles before taking the gloves off. I continue to cry, not daring to move as it will make the burns worse. Deathly still, I watch as the shorter of the two men walks over to me, an evil smile spread across his face. He proceeds to pick me up and carries me in his arms towards the door and out of my room. I start screaming again, thrashing and kicking to try and loosen his grip on me but it only makes the burns worse. I lull in my attempts to break free, knowing now that it will only cause me more pain. A pain worse than I have ever felt before. All of a sudden, we stop and the taller man turns around and walks up to the rogue and I. He looks at me grinning and touches my hearing aids. Oh no, he's noticed them. "You won't need these where we're going" he snarls loud enough for me to hear him clearly, still smiling. Time slows down as he rips my hearing aids out of my ears, dropping them on the ground and stomping on them. Crushing them into a million pieces. I proceed to sob even harder as the dull ringing fills my ears. The pain of the burns starts to take over and I start to see black spots. 'Mummy?' I try mind linking again. Nothing. I really hope she and daddy and Claire are okay. My eyes start to flutter and the last thing I see is the back of the other man as we walk out the door and towards a car. I whimper one last time before everything turns black.
TEN YEARS LATER
I weakly pace around my tiny cell, trying to keep myself awake. I haven't eaten in two days and I'm surprised my wolf and I are still hanging on after all this time. This dirty, disgusting cell I have been trapped in for more than half of my life.
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Chapter 2
I look up and see a guard watching me with a smirk on his face. He says something but all I hear is muffled noises. But that's all I ever hear so I'm used to it. He walks up to my cell and unlocks it and I know I'm about to be beaten again when suddenly, the ground shakes. I look up to see the guards start to panic and run out of the room, leaving my cell wide open. Now's my chance. I've been waiting for so long to escape and now is finally the time. I send a silent thank you prayer to the Moon Goddess before stumbling out of my cell and out the door. I walk through the office and over to the window to see a fight outside. The whole rogue pack is fighting what looks and smells like to be another rogue pack. I take one last look before slipping out of the door and into the forest without anyone noticing me. I run. Fast. I feel my wolf getting a tiny bit stronger as I run through the forest, the fresh air filling my lungs. I haven't left that tiny cell in ten years and now I am free. It's honestly too good to be true. I know I have to keep moving or they will find me. I continue to feel my wolf get stronger and begin to surface as I continue to run, trees whipping past me. After a while, I stop for a moment and feel myself begin to shift as my wolf takes over my body completely. I scream out in pain, my bones cracking and popping and I feel my dirty rags rip to shreds. God, it was just as painful as the first time it happened. Hopefully it gets easier the more I do it. I quickly dig a hole and paw in the shreds to hide the evidence of me being here before covering it up and taking off again. My wolf lets out a happy growl and runs faster. It feels nice to let my wolf out again after I first shifted. I shifted about a year ago, I think, in my tiny cell and they screamed at me and I shifted back out of fear. I then got beaten and tortured and that made my wolf disappear. I haven't felt her in so long which is understandable due to everything that has happened. But now I know she's still there which is good. I continue to run, having no clue where I'm going but that doesn't matter. As long as I get away from that horrible place, I'll be fine.
I've been running for maybe about an hour, I'm not really sure. I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere. The rogue base must've been hidden out in the middle of nowhere because honestly, I haven't come across a single wolf pack territory yet. Or at least I don't think I have. All I know is that I'm not on the rogues land so either it's neutral land or a wolf pack's territory, both of which I find terrifying. I can feel my wolf starting to get tired but I know that the rogues will have discovered that I'm missing so I need to keep moving. I can't get caught. I won't let myself get caught. I can't go back to that hell hole now that I'm free. God only knows what Zane will do to me if he does catch me. I shiver at the thought. I must keep running.
I think I've been running for what seems like hours now and I'm exhausted. To be honest, I'm can't believe I'm still going. I'm surprised I'm still alive even today after everything that I've been through over the years. I know if I had been human then I definitely would have died a while ago. I continue to run, although I feel myself starting to slow down once again, my wolf growing more tired by the second. At this point, I don't know how many territories I've crossed. My wolf senses have gotten weaker, become almost non-existent from being locked in my cell with silver chains and wolfsbane injections for so many years so I'm finding it harder to tell. Either that or packs have gotten better at masking their scent nowadays, but I highly doubt that. I can't tell how many I've been through, I'm just glad I haven't been caught by anyone yet. I slow down a bit more to catch my breath when suddenly something flashes past in the corner of my eye. Whatever it is, it was gone as quickly as it arrived. Inhaling deeply, the faint smell of wolf hits my nose. Oh shit. Panic sets in and I instantly pick up my pace but I am quickly tackled to the ground by another wolf. I whimper, trying not to struggle too much because I know from past experience that if you struggle, you'll get beaten. There are always consequences for your actions. I close my eyes, another whimper escaping my throat and feel the weight suddenly disappear from me. I get up and slowly back towards a tree and the wolf gives me a funny look. Suddenly, two more wolves appear and stand next to the other wolf. I whimper again and continue to back slowly away until I hit the tree behind me. Losing my balance, I fall over and decide it's best to just stay on the ground as I'm absolutely exhausted. I look at the wolves and they stare back at me. The one that tackled me has a chocolate brown coat, while the one on its left has a sandy blonde coat and the one on its right has a pure white coat.

Why did the farmer drive his tractor to the pharmacy? He wanted to visit the farm-assist!
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking human connection. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work tonight as it's a slow day. Thinking about going home and burning a woodwick candle. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had for breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.

"...umm "

Part two of the noodle demon.
Now that this creature knelt before me I realized that the room I was in was so terrible quietly you could hear everyone's ass get tight in anticipation of what would happen next.
" ...what...are you. "
I spoke carefully to the being that had taken the shape of myself. It still took my breath away and my throat was dry.
The beast was a deep green. The color mixed with shades of grey streaming from it. The longer I looked at it I could see it getting closer to what I looked like shaping itself.
From small flowing green tendrils to an arm they grew as they twisted and made bone then muscle and finally skin.
It locked eyes with me and it smiled deeply at me. As it formed the face finally.
" Your vassle. "
My eyes had not moved to the crowd at all but even though the lights hit the stage so hard it was enveloped in smoke.
The creature's eyes glowed as it answered brightly, not figuratively. This thing's eyes were glowing.
"To serve you, We are bound by blood magic. I am a reflection of your desires, Master, " it said, its voice now a whisper in my mind.
It began to stand up as my grey suit began to form on it and by the time it stood fully up it had copied what I looked like.
" let me explain everything. "
My body frozen in fear woke up with adrenaline as I blinked and a flash of green smoke covered my vision as he teleported right to me face to face.
Its body turned to smoke and went into the slits of my eyes. I felt visions follow me in my peripheral vision but surprisingly no pain followed power filled me and it felt like one hell of a drug.
My body and mind altered.
I was now in a very dark place with no walls or light except my reflection on the floor which waved like water.
I took a step back looking around and back to the reflection of me on the ground.
Soon the water rippled and my reflection fell through the floor like gravity was inverted. he flew upright and water fell off of him as he looked at me as he now stood straight ahead of me. He was just reflecting in the water but now eyed me down.
Collecting my nerves.
I begin to speak.
" what do you want..."
He was still in my form and stood perfectly straight. Now with water dripping from his...my hair.
Slight stubble with hair that hung down and my hazel eyes were not present within him but I was greeted with a swelling acidic green that doubled the size of my pupil.
" to serve you. "
He made no other movement than putting his hands behind his back like a soldier at ease.
I could not tell if it was lying or not.
" ...is that it? "
" I am the embodiment of your fear desires and brilliance. You have shaped me. Your desire for solitude birthed me. I will aid you in shaping the world how you see fit. Your reality becomes mine. "
There was a slight echo in the room as he spoke.
" wait...where are we "
I questioned haphazardly
" your mind. "
An awkward silence was in the air until I spoke
" so...am I just standing on the stage not making a sound? "
He gave me a concerned look.
" no...time has frozen outside for you. You may sleep here without having to in the real world so to others you look as if you never rest and you may think and plan what to do in battle here. For them, it will be about two seconds...Do...do you not have any knowledge of what I am? "
Suddenly I felt bad like I had encountered someone famous and I had no idea who they were. A slap in the face like a popular kid meeting someone who had never heard of them. Ego shattered.
" ok sorry no. I...don't go around reading about...monsters?"
I felt like was I saying the n-word of the demon realm not knowing if that word was offensive.
He folded his arms a little upset.
"Are you not a warrior? "
" well...no I...just watch TV and cook here and there- "
The demon cut me off
" weak. "
" excuse me? "
" look. I am an immortal being and after a while you get bored. So I'm sorry if I may be a little upset after being bonded with some nobody. "
I got quiet and I was a little annoyed that I was being roasted by some demon that I just met.
Its form wavers and eyes begin to open on its skin. Cheeks forhead etc.
"After being a god for so long it's fun to play with limitations. Makes things extremely exciting. "
" what do you mean by that? "
" look. You can only be so entertained by the same things. Life gets boring and now...you are going to help me with this. I get to have pure entertainment while you get every wish you could ever want. A mutual bond no? "
He then closed his eyes annoyed and the other eyes meshed back to his skin.
" though... the TV is not that interesting...life is what gets the blood pumping"
I felt the need to quickly change the topic
"Are there others like you? "
The room began to take shape very slowly as the water floor turned to wood and walls went around us.
" of course. You may meet them one day "
Confused and curious I pressed.
"Meet them? "
" yes. Summoning one of us is considered a threat to them. "
He spoke while opening and closing his newly found hand except backward.
" hm...no that don't look right "
I quickly responded
" Wait! How is doing that a threat! "
"Well, one doesn't just accidentally Summon one of us to suddenly get powers beyond human control. "
I thought back to how I summoned him by accident with some food I made.
" well...funny story but I summoned you using my breakfast..."
I had never regretted speaking so much as in that moment.
" What... "
Acid dripped from his words. Literally. His pupils split in half and his bottom jaw ripped open like an ant and curved giving sharpness to the bone.
"Please don't kill me. "
The room began to look like a cozy cabin with a fireplace and he slowly went back to normal.
" I would if I could. I've never felt so disrespected. We are bonded by your blood. If you die...I die. "
Suddenly I felt at ease by this new information.
Then a thought came to my mind
" ...God's can die? "
" you did hear me, right? "
The SAS from this guy was unneeded and I was starting to miss him being on his knees as weird as that sounds.
" so...all that power gone.... in an instant... "
" well...no actually God's powers don't just disappear they transfer to whoever killed them...wait...hold up."
He suddenly had an epiphany.
A smile grew on his face and he grabbed my shoulders
" you! You are going to help me kill the other gods! "
He sounded proud but I let him down.
" ha! No. "
" oh come on! Don't be like that. "
He did a pout.
"Look, man. I'm not killing gods for you. Just because you are bored. "
" hey...they might send people to kill you because you bonded with me. "
"What did I ever do to them? "
"They have a system to this stuff. They like to build and watch things play out. You're a problem. That can mess it up. So...they kill ya...to be honest, I don't know any other way to explain it, man. You know people normally just use my power to kill people and become a king and know this already. "
"This is outrageous. "
" bro. Look if you do this I will be able to get their powers and you will be able to do so much more than what I offer "
I tilted my head
" what can you do? Know what never mind. I will just talk to them and figure things out. "
He groaned and his form melted down sagging and it shot back up reforming
"Is there not anything that you want? Anything in the world? Gods don't put themselves in physical forms. They give people power and can make beings to hunt you. And if they care enough to come down themself. Ha, good luck."
I stopped and thought about it trying to weigh the options of pissing off higher beings.
Suddenly. I found something.
"Can you bring back the dead..."
He stopped confused.
" well...no "
" then I don't want anything "
" wait! "
He threw his arms out pleading
"I don't...but another God does..."
He crosses his arms smiling. He had left the question hanging letting me reconsider his offer.
I stopped and thought for a while before looking back up to him.
I let out a sigh and looked him in the eyes
" ok...you are going to help me get my father back. "
The demon smirked.

Why did the farmer drive his tractor to the pharmacy? He wanted to visit the farm-assist!
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking human connection. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work and thinking about going home and burning a woodwick candle. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking someone to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

So basically my funny story is I never actually learnt all 15 poems. I learnt 14. This is because I didn’t do it in class because I was ill and I took a gamble because I was lazy. Safe to say it did not pay off. Have a guess which poem (war and conflict) it was. (i’m absolutely cooked) edit; forgot to mention what i meant by this is I didn’t read it once. i didn’t even know what it was about lmao.

Conversation about Adrian Veidt (Ozymandias) on this subreddit tends to be really limited, with many people taking at face value the "smartest man in the world" claim (which was published in a magazine Veidt owns!) and interpreting the ending as a moral quandary over whether killing millions is worth it to avert nuclear war.
But that's not how Veidt's character is written. Veidt is written, instead, to show how ego, anxiety, and detachment from humanity can drive people to do horrific things.
I collected examples from the text on several facets of Veidt's character, hoping to highlight how -- both through analogy and through plot -- Moore worked to paint a complex picture of Veidt as a person driven mad by anxiety and impotence, his fears fueled by isolation and obsessive media consumption, who did something unthinkable and unnecessary.
Is this post, itself, a bit obsessive? Yes. But I hope that people can link this post in the future the next time someone inevitably asks: "Was Ozymandias right?"

I. Veidt is mentally unwell.

• Dan: “I mean, who’s qualified to judge something like that? This is the world’s smartest man we’re talking about here, so how can you tell? How can anyone tell if he’s gone crazy?” (Chapter XI, page 3).
• Veidt: “By day I imagine endless faces. By night… well, I dream, about swimming towards a hideous… No. Never mind. It isn’t significant.” (Chapter XII, page 27)
• Veidt tells his life story to a bunch of dead bodies. (Chapter XI)
• Veidt: “I don’t mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn’t this one.” (Chapter XII, back matter)
• Veidt is mirrored by the mariner in the Black Freighter, who has visibly gone mad by the time he embarks on the raft and is raving by the time he arrives home.
• We see a reference to Tarkovsky’s iconic film The Sacrifice (Chapter XII, page 31), which also features a character going insane in an attempt to prevent nuclear war.
• Veidt’s plan is, in essence, a form of projection: the squid makes people go insane, have constant nightmares, and kill each other out of fear. The squid is, itself, a nightmare given form.
• Graffiti (Chapter I, page 24) reads “One in eight go mad.” Of the eight Minutemen, Mothman was put in an asylum. There were eight attendees of the Crimebusters meeting. After 11/2, the graffiti has been modified (Chapter XII, page 31) to read “One in three go mad.” Only three of the attendees remain: Veidt, Dan, and Laurie.
• Just look at his expression while killing the Comedian. (Chapter XI, page 26)

II. Veidt is detached from humanity.

• In present day, we only see Veidt in his personal skyscraper or thousands of miles from New York at his private Antarctic fortress -- never on the street.
• Pulling at the Tales of the Black Freighter parallels again, the mariner is marooned and goes mad because he has nobody else to talk to.
• Veidt refers to “stepping back” from humanity: “My first step was to stand back as far as I could, to view the problem from a fresh perspective, my vista widening with my comprehension. [...] I took another step back, and thought again.” (Chapter XI, page 21).

III. Veidt is obsessed with media and pop culture, and it deeply influences his worldview.

• Veidt is constantly engaged with his “multi-screen viewing” (Chapter XI, page 1), which we see originating in 1963 with just a few screens (Chapter XII, page 18). For 20+ years, Veidt has been gleaning a lot of his understanding of humanity from obsessively watching TV.
• The squid is straight out of sci-fi, with Veidt literally hiring famous artists, writers, etc. from literature, comic books, and so on to design the squid and the nightmares planted within it.
• We also know that Veidt has read Tales of the Black Freighter, not just because he hired Max Shea to help with the squid, but also because he references it twice: “I dream, about swimming towards a hideous…” and “I know I’ve struggled across the backs of murdered innocents” (Chapter XII, page 27). The mariner literally sails on the bloated corpses of his innocent crew, and at the end, swims towards the Black Freighter.
• Veidt makes frequent media references: William S. Burroughs (Chapter XI, page 1), Man From UNCLE (Chapter XI, back matter), a bunch of musicians (Chapter XI, back matter) -- there are definitely more.
• Nova Express, heavily implied to be owned by Veidt, is another Burroughs reference.
• Veidt takes personal investment in forming narratives in his advertising, micromanaging plots in TV shows, toys, etc. (Chapter X, back matter).
• Veidt is mirrored by Bernard, the newsstand owner. Both Veidt and Bernard’s parents moved out of Germany during Hitler’s rise to power. Both Veidt and Bernard think they understand the world because they see a constant stream of media (Veidt with his TVs, Bernard with his newsstand) and are terrified of impending war. Both cite popular culture as evidence of impending war despite themselves selling to those audiences (Veidt via his advertising and publications, Bernard via his newsstand). Note Veidt’s obsession with finality and Bernard’s frequent refrain: “... inna final analysis.”

IV. Veidt undercuts his plan for his ego.

• Veidt is careful to distance himself from most of his assassinations, but kills the Comedian by hand -- something he’s not prone to doing. (Dan: “This is Adrian, for god’s sake! We know him. He never killed anybody, ever.” [Chapter XI, page 3]) This immediately clues in both the detectives (“No way this is a straight burglary… somebody really had it in for this guy.” [Chapter I, page 3]) and Rorschach.
• Veidt does this because of his ego: “Recognizing me, he attacked anyway, ‘mistaking me for a criminal.’ I studied his limitations: skillful feint, devastating uppercut; little else… He won. In the short term. [...] I also swore that when next I met Blake or any other foe, though perhaps not on my territory… it would certainly be on my terms.” (Chapter XI, page 19).
• Veidt makes his password “RAMESES II”, leaves lots of clues (“Pyramid Deliveries”), and only teleports the squid when he sees Dan and Rorschach approaching (Chapter XI, page 4). The title of Chapter XI is “Looks on my works, ye mighty”. Veidt wants an audience of his peers. If he had teleported the squid earlier, Rorschach likely would have died.
• Along similar lines, Veidt leaves the Comedian alive for as long as possible and doesn’t kill Rorschach -- sloppy choices, born out of his need for peers who know his plan.
• Both in his self-planned assassination attempt and at Karnak, Veidt risks being shot because he's sure that he could catch a bullet. He attempts it at Karnak despite having easy other options: he's faster and stronger than Laurie, and he's in his own fortress. He takes a plan-destabilizing risk purely to satisfy his own ego and showboat in front of others. "There," Veidt says, "Something else I wasn't sure would work." (Chapter XII, page 12). [Credit to u/spinbutton for this one!]

V. Veidt’s plan is doomed and ill-conceived.

• Veidt idolizes Alexander the Great, who failed. Veidt: “Amongst [Babylon’s] ruined ziggurats, I saw at last his failings… He’d not united all the world, nor built a unity that would survive him.” (Chapter XI, page 10)
• Veidt named himself after Ramesses II (aka Ozymandias), famous from the Shelley poem about the impermanence of greatness, which the comic also references. (“And on the pedestal, these words appear: / My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; / Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! / Nothing beside remains. Round the decay / Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare / The lone and level sands stretch far away.”)
• Dr. Manhattan: “Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends.” (Chapter XII, page 27)
• Tales of the Black Freighter shows the mariner accidentally attacking his home to save it from a threat he thinks has already arrived, only to discover that the threat was in his head and he had become the thing he feared. Veidt, similarly, was so terrified of nuclear war that he became the threat.
• Rorschach’s journal is the last panel, implying that Veidt’s artificial peace will soon begin to deteriorate.

VI. Veidt's relationship to the Comedian is crucial, and Veidt may be the comic's true "comedian."

• Veidt’s complicated admiration for Blake extends to early in his career, in the mid-50’s: “As intelligent men facing lunatic times, we were very alike, despising each other instantly.” (Chapter XI, page 18).
• Rorschach says of the Comedian: “No one else saw the joke. That’s why he was lonely.” (Chapter II, page 27). But Veidt did: “Too cowardly to confront my anxieties, I had life’s black comedy explained to me by the Comedian himself [...] [He] opened my eyes. Only the best comedians accomplish that. [...] I swore to deny his kind their last black laugh at Earth’s expense. [...] I would trick [the world]; frighten it towards salvation with history’s greatest practical joke. That’s what upset the Comedian: [...] professional jealousy.” (Chapter XI, pages 19-24)
• In fact, though, it ends up being Blake who doesn’t get the joke. When Blake confesses to Moloch, he says of Veidt’s plan: “I mean, this joke, I mean, I thought I was the Comedian, y’know? [...] I mean, what’s funny? What’s so goddamned funny? I don’t get it. Somebody explain… somebody explain it to me.” (Chapter II, page 23)
• Veidt’s likely namesake is Conrad Veidt, perhaps most famous for his haunting, insane-looking grin in “The Man Who Laughs”.
• We see the relationship between comedy/laughter and mental instability explored in Rorschach’s joke: “Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says ‘Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up. Man bursts into tears. Says ‘But, doctor… I am Paglacci.’” (Chapter II, page 27). On the surface, this appears to be about Blake -- but by the end, we can see that it applies just as much, if not more, to Veidt.

VII. Veidt is a Hitler analogue.

• Veidt is a German immigrant whose character design is straight out of a Nazi propaganda ad.
• Veidt idolizes Alexander the Great, a Greco-Roman would-be world conqueror. Nazis frequently invoked Greco-Roman design motifs and obviously had similar goals of conquering the world.
• Dan: “He’s such a caring, conscientious guy. He’s a pacifist, a vegetarian…” / Rorschach: “Hitler was vegetarian.” (Chapter XI, page 15)
• Veidt: “Hitler said people swallow lies easily, provided they’re big enough.” (Chapter XI, page 26)
• 11/2 is Veidt’s personal Holocaust. Over the scenes of carnage in New York, we see the Madison Square Garden sign: “KRYSTALNACHT” (Chapter XII, page 2). Highlighted among the millions of dead: the concertgoers (alternative/punks), Joey and Aline (lesbians), Bernard (whose father fled the Nazis), and a number of Black people (Malcolm, Gloria, Bernie, and the watch salesman). Joey’s posted for Gay Women Against Rape features the band Pink Triangle, a symbol which originated as a badge to identify gay people in Nazi concentration camps.
• Veidt, fundamentally, is obsessed with finding a “final solution” to bring peace -- even if it costs millions of lives.

Heartfelt thanks to Vlada for her wonderful characters and for her willingness to share insanely interesting answers with her readers.
___
Dario
Q: Dario, what was your favorite fairy tale as a child and why? And perhaps you still do?
A: Fairy tales have too much chaos for my taste. But I've always loved instructive tales. In seminary, I even wrote an essay on “King Thrushbeard” by the Brothers Grimm.
Q: What admonition do you most often give to those who come to you for confession?
A: The secret of confession doesn't allow me to talk about it, and besides, everything is very individualized. *Grins faintly* But if you are eager to know the answer, come to the temple, and I will be glad to listen to you.
Q: Which of the seven deadly sins do you consider the most serious and why?
A: Sin is a sin that is equally afflicting to the immortal soul. This is what any priest will answer you. As for my personal opinion, pride is the queen of sins. For those who consider themselves superior to others, although by the will of the Primordial One we are all equal, are going against His plan.
Q: How do you manage to look so luxurious at 45 years old?
A: *Laughs quietly* Thank you for the compliment.
Q: Did you become a priest because of sincere faith or because of ambition and a thirst for power?
A: I became a priest because I had no other choice. Everything turned out well, because I have never regretted my calling. *Looks away* And I hope I don’t regret it.
___
Richard
Q: Tell us about your hobby. What do you like to do in your spare time?
A: I don't have much free time. But, if such moments arise, I prefer to spend them in my office with a book and wine.
Q: Do you have any other favorite authors besides Thomas Hardy? Perhaps there are certain preferences specifically in English literature?
A: I value depth in literature. But not darkness. For example, I don’t always like Dickens, and not all of Hardy’s works. I love “Far from the Madding Crowd,” the tabula rasa theme of Kipling and the Russian authors. I recently read “The Name of the Rose” by Eco, and also found this work interesting.
Q: Since what age have you lived in Venice?
A: For a long time. *Purses his lips, clearly not wanting to answer further*
Q: What qualities are the most important for an inquisitor of the Order of the Primordial?
A: Logic, attentiveness, physical strength. Loyalty to Him, of course.
Q: Has there ever been love in your life?
A: I don't think so.
___
Raven
Q: What knowledge about life would you like to pass on to young leaders from your past years?
A: From the heights of my years, I realized that no one needs other people’s knowledge, and everything is much better understood from one’s own experience, no matter how bitter it may be.
Q: In such a long life you have seen different things. What is it like to watch from the sidelines the fall of empires and the disappearance of civilizations?
A: How many people today know about my age. *Bows his head, almost sarcastically* I’ll satisfy your curiosity. When you talk about the fall of an empire, you probably imagine epic battles or legendary deeds. I saw the other side. Take, for example, the Hundred Years' War. How many ballads have been written about the great Battle of Agincourt! About the brave English archers who defeated the outnumbered French. But do you know what I remember about this battle? I remember a barn where a chicken was killed by a poorly aimed arrow.
Q: You must be amazing at speaking many (if not all, including dead languages) of the world. Don't they get mixed up in your head? Which language was harder to learn and which one was easier?
A: Believe me, I've had time to “put my knowledge on the shelves”. Germanic languages are easy for me. Eastern languages are the worst.
Q: The mask undoubtedly restrains you in expressing emotions, although readers have noticed that you express emotions through gestures. Did it take a long time to learn and what were the first steps?
A: *Nods so that you immediately realize he's smiling* It's a matter of practice. I like to make a certain impression, and through trial and error I learned to do it without a face.
Q: From your profile we know that you are inspired by shipbuilding. How do you feel when you see your ship?
A: Freedom. Ships remind me of freedom. And how one storm can end everything.
___
Nikolai
Q: Nikolai, what was your first impression of Lady Crow?
A: *Smiles seductively* I found Madam Crowe a very attractive and interesting person, who has the same devilishness that is not alien to me.
Q: A girl with what character traits would you consider a perfect match for you?
A: In love, as in the sea, nothing is perfect. The more difficulties and discrepancies - the more feelings and sweetness of victories.
Q: Do you spend a long time at sea as a privateer?
A: As much as possible.
Q: After what incident did you gain a reputation as a ladies' man?
A: *Curls eyebrow* Accident? More like cases. Ladies of the world have always been partial to captains.
Q: Please tell us about your most exciting trip to sea.
A: The most memorable was the expedition in the Sea of Okhotsk. Our detachment (and the ships were divided into detachments) was to reach the coast of Japan. I will spare you the less important details, the most interesting thing began when we approached the La Perouse Strait. It was night, the sea was shrouded in fog.
In the silence, a watchman shouted, “Man overboard!” And indeed, there was a woman in the water. Only she was not swimming, but walking on the waves. She had long black hair and very pale skin.
I wanted to drop anchor and offer help, but I was stopped by a young man named Nobuyuki, who was the ship's cook at the time. He was from Dejima Island. Nobuyuki said: “Raise the sails, captain! I'd rather hit the rocks in the night than face the Iso-onna!”
When I looked out to sea again, the woman was gone. We never hoisted the sails - it was too risky to sail at speed in the fog. “Cover yourself for the night with the garments you're going to wear tomorrow! And order the crew to do the same! - Nobuyuki pleaded with me. - Iso-onna will drink the blood of those who are not bound for a future day...”
The young man was too frightened to say more. Not fully understanding the reasons, I still followed his advice.
In the morning, the whole crew was fine except for one sailor who flatly refused to use a clean shirt as a blanket. His bloodless body was found in the hold.
___
Adrian
Q: Where did you get such love for poetry?
A: From the storm and warmth that are born in the heart when words are woven into art.
Q: What is your favorite Shakespeare sonnet?
A: You will be sad when the poet dies, Until the ringing of the nearest church, Will not announce that this low light, I traded for the lower world of worms.
It’s a bit gloomy, I understand, but the words of a genius can turn even the world of worms into a dream. *Smiles radiantly* Don’t frown, it’s not serious. I love a lot of sonnets, this is just the first one that came to mind.
Q: You sow the seeds of culture among the common people. Have you ever received feedback from them that let you know that your efforts were not in vain?
A: I too am a common man. So who better than me to know that culture does not depend on status? It's only the desire and opportunity that matters.
Q: What is your favorite constellation?
A: One remarkable Russian poet wrote: Why are you unhappy? Will people tell me? — That makes me unhappy. Good people are like the stars and the sky - Stars and sky! - and I’m a man!.. All stars are beautiful; it is simply impossible to choose just one cluster of light.
Q: What was your first poem about?
A: About my mother's apron, on which I spilled my father's tincture.
___
Giovanni
Q: How did your fascination with alchemy begin? Why this and not some other direction?
A: Hmm... That's an interesting question, thank you. Alchemy was close to my mamma, I guess that love was passed down from her.
Q: Are you frightened by the specific images lurking in the darkness, or is it the unknown and not knowing what might be lurking there?
A: There is nothing in the darkness but my own thoughts. And I don't like to be alone with them.
Q: Were you happy when your father the Doge officially recognized you as his son and took you to a luxurious palace?
A: *Smiles: politely and a little stiffly* I'd rather leave that question unanswered.
Q: How do you know so much about the underground crypts at the Academy of Magic?
A: How much? No more than all those in the know who have read a guide to the Academy or a couple of historical books about magic.
Q: Could you forgive betrayal?
A: Like any Italian, I would forgive cheating by serving a glass of poison to the one who ruined happiness. *Laughs* I'm kidding! Actually, I haven't been cheated on yet, but if the day comes, I hope I'll behave with dignity. I'll be able to listen, try to understand, and make an informed decision.
___
Alexander Crow
Q: If you had the ability to turn back time, would you change anything in your life?
A: That's a personal thing.
Q: Do you love your daughter?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you think is the most important thing about magic?
A: Knowledge.
Q: What is more important: the result or the path to it?
A: The result.
___
Lucretia
Q: What qualities in people attract you, and what qualities repel you?
A: I am deeply indifferent to other people's manifestations of character. What is repulsive today may be useful tomorrow.
Q: Do you enjoy conducting the Naming Ceremony?
A: Quite a bit.
Q: This next question is probably not the right one, but it is important for the for admirers of the Supreme Witcher Raven to know whether he often gossips with you?
A: Gossip? I didn't know that's what they call friendship these days.
___
Batsheba
Q: Can you tell us about the most interesting ritual in which you have ever participated?
A: In the days of my youth, my sisters and I used to celebrate Man Gevri by dancing naked in the stone circle of Kallanish... *coughs* Ah, those were the days!
Q: Will you reveal your age to us?
A: How quick! A woman's age is her secret.
Q: How do you know the ancient rites of the leaders?
A: Thou! What have the knowers got to do with it? The rituals I know belong to nature.
Q: I would like to know something very funny from the childhood of our Crows (something that is usually embarrassing to talk about, and if they do, it is usually accompanied by a loud “MAM!”)
A: *Giggles* There is such a thing, how could there not be! But I won't tell you about it, I don't want any of the grooms-to-be to find out that Esther can't even boil the simplest broth.
___
Familiar
Q: Will you accept Esther’s man if her choice turns out to be very controversial?
A: *You ask a question to the empty space where you were told the familiar should be, but there is no answer*
Q: What do you do while your witch sleeps? Do you see her dreams?
A: *A sound resembling snoring comes from the void*.
___
Esther
Q: Would you mind sharing your favorite authors and works with us?
A: As the Triad sees it, there are too many! I'm sure a lot of what you've read I've enjoyed as well.
Q: Do you have a favorite perfume? And if not, what perfume would you like?
A: There is no favorite... I have yet to find my fragrance. Perhaps you can recommend one?
Q: Can I know the topic of your dissertation and at what stage of writing is it now?
A: The topic of my dissertation is “Natural curses in mass grave sites and how to deal with them”. I've got the last couple chapters left to write. It's about the Yorkshire moors. But I'm not sure I'll be able to get back to that work anytime soon... The memories of what I learned there are too fresh.
Q: You often turn to folklore to find answers. This seems like a rather unconventional approach (especially for a witch scientist). What was the reason for such an unusual resource for finding answers?
A: Folklore is just like history, only it takes more effort to find the truth. The study of folklore is no less scientific than archaeology.
Q: How would you describe your ideal date?
A: Oh... *Blushes* Perhaps someday I will be able to answer this question. After all, something like that needs to be experienced.

First Previous Next
*Knock* *Knock*
A soft knock gently woke me up from my dreamless slumber. When I opened my eyes, I was met with a pitch black expanse. I noted that the retina-destroying light bulb must have been turned off at some point. Feeling around, I could feel my body was less sore then it was the previous, what I’ve taken to calling sleep cycles, as it didn’t feel quite right to call anything night or day anymore.
Still, though, I could feel a distinct pang of pain that shot through me every time I tried to perform an action more complex than raising my right hand, while doing anything with my left was completely out of the picture. With apprehension, I crossed my right arm across my body to gently grope around my left in an attempt to find the part that was actually broken, but it was to no avail, as all I achieved in doing so was hurting myself.
*Knock* *Knock*
Oh right, the door. Were they waiting for me to allow them in? In that case, this definitely isn’t Guard.
“You can come in.” I yelled hesitantly.
The door flew open at such speed that I wouldn't be surprised if the door fell off its space hinges. In the doorway, a figure stood. I couldn’t quite identify their features, but their silhouette was enough to identify the fact they weren’t too tall, by space standards, of course. They still appeared to be easily 6 foot, but at this point I could barely even consider that height tall. No, what actually grabbed my attention was the several appendages that were attached to the top of their head, and that were currently freely swaying in the wind, like seaweed in the ocean. One was currently wrapped around the door knob, clueing me into the fact they were also completely autonomous. Honestly, they reminded me a lot of… tentacles. Shit.
“S-Sorry.” Their voice and movement was shaky and erratic. They walked inside the room before quickly closing the door behind them, their features now much more visible, including the dark yellow coat and pitch black pants they wore. The gray skin across their slightly, to be nice I’ll just say chubby, body was the first notable feature. The second was the feathery gills almost identical to those of axolotl’s on the side of their head. Their face was soft, like the rest of the body, with a giant pair of pink, egg-shaped eyes that hadn't yet left the floor. Their bottom and top lip were not long enough to connect, leading to their mouth being permanently open. Their cone shaped head started pointed at the chin area, and widened out until it was big enough to accommodate the multitude of appendages on their head. They truly looked like an evolved axolotl, sans tail. “I’ve been working out recently, g-guess I don’t know my own strengths anymore.” They nervously chuckled while rubbing their webbed hands together.
“Uh, it’s alright. I mean, it’s not my door so I don’t mind.” I said in an attempt to comfort them. “No shame in working out. It’s clearly effective, right?” At this, the feathery gills adorning their head pulsed slightly in a pink light, before quickly returning to their non-luminescent state. For the first time since they came into the room, they looked at me.
“A-are you the Hum’un.”
“Who are you?” I tried not to be rude, as so far they had given me no reason to be, but it was also imperative I didn’t let my guard down. Better safe than sorry.
“Doctor!” They practically yelled, before seemingly becoming embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m sorry. Doctor, a-as in, that’s wh-what I am. For you. That is.” Christ, and I thought I was nervous.
“What would a doctor of a different species do for me? We don't exactly share the same body.” I tried to not be confrontational, but at the same time, it was a real concern that I knew might impede any help I could receive.
“N-no worries, I’m no regular physician, I’m a trained interspecies specialist, specifically employed to help with whatever ailments might have befallen you. I have certifications in 7 different medical departments, over 8 polar cycles in non-primary education, have treated all sorts of species throughout the galaxy, almost-” I tuned out their accomplishments by this point, letting the ramblings just wash over me. They. I’ve just been saying they as a placeholder until I could figure out their gender, but maybe it was silly to assume an alien would always be male or female, especially considering this probably wasn’t even a mammal, judging by their aquatic look and the fact they lacked any mammary tissue. I mean, so do I, but… whatever. They would probably be fine. “Isn’t that impressive?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah it is. Great job.” I gave a reassuring smile that they appeared to have appreciated. “So, do we begin now, or?” I cut myself off to give them an opening to talk, as it didn’t seem in their nature to have the confidence to initiate.
“Y-yes, of course.” They walked up to the side of my bed before continuing. “I have been tasked with going over any injuries you may have sustained during your last mission. Is this correct?”
“I was hurt pretty bad, yes.”
“Great! Not because you were hurt, of course, just as in, you know.” The gills pulsated again.
“Calm down, I get it.”
“Mhm, of course.” They looked around before continuing. “Before we begin, mind answering a couple survey questions? It won't take long.”
“Questions? Really?” My patience for any sort of questions had run thin after yesterday's fiasco, and it wasn’t something I wanted repeated.
“J-just a couple regarding who you are. It will help me treat you b-better.”
“Fine.”
“Perfect!” They ruffled through coat pockets using the appendages on their head before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. “Firstly, are you a mammal? Yes or no.”
“Yes.” They emerged a small circle shaped object from their pocket before gliding it gently across the paper, leaving a symbol containing a large circle on the outside with different sized circles on the inside..
“Second, what is your gender?”
“Male.” Again, the object gently flew across the paper.
“Thirdly, does your blood contain any chemicals?”
“Mainly copper, but also some other metals like iron.” I explained. I hoped they wouldn’t ask any questions about my anatomy more complex than that, as my limited biology knowledge wouldn’t get me very far. “Also oxygen. A lot of oxygen.” With one last swipe on the paper, they folded the paper back up before stuffing it back into a pocket.
“Thank you so much for cooperating! You know, you’re nowhere near as aggressive as they said you would be.” The doctor spoke absentmindedly as the appendages began to pull out instruments from their pockets.
“Really? They labeled me as “aggressive?” Maybe if they didn’t try to tear me down at every opportunity, I wouldn’t have a reason to be “aggressive.” Have they ever thought about that?” I steadily raised my voice, making sure that anyone outside could hear me.
“No! Th-that's not it at all. They just implied it because injured animals are usually more aggressive. That’s all!” They sputtered in an attempt to reassure me.
“Animal? Fucking animal?” I muttered incredulously. That implication made me fume. “I’m not some stupid animal that broke its paw; some animal that would die in the wilderness without aid. If I was left in that forest, guess what? I would have found a way to survive. My species was built to survive.” In an attempt to show the doctor what I meant, I decided, for the first time since I was getting knocked around by drones, to move on my legs. I carelessly moved my legs off the bed before gaining enough ambition to jump off.
“Y-You really shouldn’t do that!” The doctor warned, taking a step back to avoid my wake. As I was too focused trying to grow accustomed to the weakness in my legs, I ignored them. I couldn’t stand on my own, instead opting to use the support of the bedside desk as support. Whether this was because I hadn’t used my legs in over a day, or because of any sort of injuries I may have sustained, I wasn’t sure, but ultimately it didn’t matter, as the result was still the same. “Please, sit back-”
“SHUT UP!” They jumped back, almost falling over in the process. Damn it, I didn’t mean to yell, it was just the strain I was putting on myself that made it hard to regulate my volume. Still, it was obvious what they were implying through their facade of “concern.” “I can, ugh, I can do this, back off!” I swung my arm forward for no real reason. They were too far away to hit, being more off a signal to not get near. I took another step.”
“Please, don’t come any closer.” Their voice was soft but at the same time obviously urgent. “You’ll get yourself hur-”
“That’s what you think.” I took another step. “You think you already know me.” Another step. Unfiltered resentment spilled out of me as I continued to move forward, despite the pain in my legs. “You don’t know anything about me. You, no, they all think they know what makes me tick. How to keep me down.”
“Don’t take another step.” Their appendages going wild, each either wrapping around themself for protection, or sticking forward at me. “I-I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Try it.”
“W-what?”
“Try it. Try to hurt me. You lay even a single one of those tentacles on me, I will rip each one off your stout head, Axolotl.” With one final step, I was now far enough away to no longer reach the desk, but even without it, I stood. “So try it, because you have no idea what I’m cap-AGHHHH!” Before I could react, an invisible stream of electricity shot out from a device one of the appendages was holding, sending bolts of pure lightning through my veins.
The sudden pain was intense enough to make me blackout for a couple of seconds. Even after, my vision was still blurry, and all I could hear was a piercing ring. I could feel my legs give out from under me as I fruitlessly swung my arms in all directions to find something for support. This was unsuccessful, and in a moment, I was off my feet and cascading to the ground. I closed my eyes and braced myself for impact, for the feeling of smashing my already broken arm into the ground, but that feeling never came. Instead, I felt multiple firm, long limbs brace around my waist, my legs, and across my chest, keeping me upright.
My brain was too fried to be confused, to fight back, so instead I leaned into the appendages. They didn’t wrap around me tightly, just enough to keep me supported. They slithered across my surface, trying to find crooks in my body for better leverage, or so I assumed. Eventually, they found some appropriate spots to wrap around for the best support. It was comfortable for me. So comfortable, in fact, I didn’t even notice my feet leave the ground.
When I did, I didn’t even have the energy to react,simply going limp in their grasp. I was in the air for what felt like an eternity, which, in reality, was probably 30 seconds at most. I was enveloped by the feeling of my cushy bed. I was pressed into it with more force than was suitable, though I suppose it was a subliminal message to me that I shouldn’t try to leave it. The appendages untangled from my body and soon, all I could see, hear, and process was a faint ringing in my ear and blurred vision that left me in no position to even try and speak.
This lasted for several minutes as I was stuck between what felt like two planes of reality. It was a disorienting mess of stimuli that I had no way of understanding in the state I was in, like how seizures are described. Was I having a seizure?
Several more moments passed, and right as I started to consider that option seriously, my vision slowly began restoring itself around the edges. So did any physical sensation outside of the after shock, shortly afterward. My tongue still felt heavy in my mouth, though, and the taste of copper still lingered, similar to the taste of a bag of electrified pennies shoved down my throat.
That’s just about when I finally heard them again.
“-and I know I shouldn’t have but I got scared and again I’m sorry I didn’t know it was on full charge and I should have checked but also I should have never used it because I was capable of stopping you without it but I was scared and I was in no authority to use it and I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry-”
I attempted a response to the ramblings that had been going on for however long, but all that came out was a bemused grunt followed by a coughing fit. It wasn’t very effective in communicating anything, not even being loud enough to get their attention. So I tried again. “Sss.”
They jumped back at the loud hissing sound. “A-a-are you okay?”
“Ss-shut up.” I practically gurgled out from the depths of my throat. “You talk too much.”
“O-oh th-thank goodness you’re ok. I’m so sorry about this. I shouldn’t have shot the Tuca’p, it was brazzen and unprofessional of me. I should have done something, anything other then-”
“Shut up.” Their expression dropped. “Quit making so many excuses, you don’t need any. I was being a dick to you, which you didn’t deserve. You were only reciting what they said. I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.” Despite everything, I’m glad I never lost the ability to find humor in a facial expression, because the one I was witnessing was priceless. I would have laughed if I’d remembered. “You know, you're not too bad.”
“I-I don’t-I’m not sure what it is-excuse me, I don’t… Thank you.” Their gills flushed a vibrant hue of pink light, filling the entire room for only a moment. “Thank you.”
I picked myself up from the groove in the bed. “Why were you here again?”
“Oh, right!” Instantly, the appendages shot in all directions, some grabbing tools from their pockets, off the desk, while two latched under my arms, and another around my waist. “Is this alright?”
“Sure.”
“Ok, perfect!” They got closer to me, really close, actually, and brought the tools along. “Now, firstly, I’m going to gently move your limbs, and you’re going to tell me if anything hurts, ok?”
“Understood.” Without further warning, the appendages wrapped around the base of my arm next to the shoulder and began to rhythmically shake them. Instantly, I felt a sharp pain in my left bicep. “Fuck.”
“Where?”
“Left. Left arm.”
“Can you use your right to show the afflicted area.” At this point, it was less of a question and more of a command. Without another word, I wriggled my right hand out of their grip and ran my fingers across the afflicted parts of my arm. This ended up consisting of the entirety of it from my shoulder to just before my hand. Damn, I must have really messed myself up.
“Right here.”
“Interesting.” The limbs suddenly left my arms and briefly went to my legs. “Anything?” They asked as they shook my legs firmly.
“No.”
“What about-” They cut themselves off while two appendages ran across my torso and body. As they went, they firmly pressed against me in another attempt to find any pain.
“I don’t think your going to find anything broken ther-shit!” The limbs immediately stopped at the point I made noise.
“Interesting.” They lightly pressed down on the spot, eliciting the same reaction from me.
“Mind telling me what's here?”
“As in bone structure? Well, on either side of my body I have 12 bones that wrap around the interior of myself. We call it a ribcage, ‘cause it’s like a cage.” It was weird to describe an aspect of the human body that is so ubiquitous that in any other circumstance, would not even require a second breath.
“From what I can feel,” they pressed down against the spot again for emphasis, “ It appears something is looser than the other bones around it. Is that normal?”
“No, I think I might have cracked a rib.”
“Will you heal on your own?”
“Aside from getting a limb chopped off, I can heal from just about anything given enough time.”
“Impressive.” They paused awkwardly like they were about to continue, but stopped before the words could leave their mouth, instead just hanging agape like a fish drowning in air. “”Y-you’re impressive.”
The last stutter made me realize how they were completely stutter-free for the entirety of the check-up. Turns out being good at a job brings out the confidence in someone. It was funny, ‘cause I could relate.
“I know.” I couldn’t help but give a smug smile. “Of course I know!”
“I’m glad.” From a coat pocket, they pulled out a small square with a sac full of a purple liquid on the back. On the front, small metal teeth lined the edges of the square, all of which protruded perfectly forward. “That being said, I have some medicine that will speed up the process. Now, if you’ll just stick out an arm.” The appendage slithered its way up the length of my arm and gripped tightly at the elbow. Without further pause, the strange square was pushed into my arm, and started to inject itself into my bloodstream.
The sensation was strange, feeling like an ice cold liquid was dumped directly into my veins. I flinched and yanked my arm back, the square unbothered by this sudden movement as it was completely dug into my arm.
“How is this going to help exactly?”
“The liquid should fuse with your blood cells and increase their proficiency. Y-You have blood cells, right?”
“Yes, I have blood cells. What doesn’t?”
“I don’t know, it's just you’re strange.”
“I know I am, a lot of people have been telling me that recently.” When the square was just about finished depositing the liquid, I yanked it out from my arm and threw it on the nearby desk. “A lot of people.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What was that?”
“I’m sorry The Council and their team haven't met your expectations of decency.” They spoke with a smooth tone that made it clear every word was carefully chosen. “And I’m sorry I contributed to that when I unintentionally disrespected you earlier. I never want anyone to feel that way. I know how it can feel.”
I didn’t respond, not because I understood them, or appreciated the apology, or the words that should have given me some sense of retribution, but because I had nothing to say. The words were phony, they rang hollow because I knew they had no worth whatsoever. What would I do with a sorry, and what did they even represent? That they cared? I think I could count the amount of people who have ever had genuine respect for me on one hand, and even then, that takes time. I have no reason to believe this one who I met 20 minutes ago had any reason to care, so I said nothing.
“W-well, I should be going now. I checked on all parts of your body, and judging by the amount of damage, you should be back up and running in barley a couple Anex’s, so I see no reason why you should worry.”
“Ok.” Their expression faltered, this time giving me no amusement. “Thanks.” I turned away from them, and proceeded to focus on the machines whirling next to me as a distraction until they left.
Finally, after a minute or so, I started to hear footsteps walk towards the door. Then, “You’re not what they say you are.”
“...”
“I know we just met, and I know we don’t know anything about each other but… I know you’re more than some aggressive fighter, more than what's under the surface.”
“...”
“I just… I just don’t believe they know that. Neither do you.” The door opened, signifying their exit. “By the way, I’ll deliver you some clothes next Anex.” And just like that, they were gone.
I didn’t understand that last statement for a minute, before looking down and suddenly remembering I was completely naked save for the crumpled blanket that lay on the floor. ‘Shit, have I been like this the entire time?’ The embarrassment that filled me was immense, and honestly made me laugh with how I didn’t notice. It was enough to, briefly, distract me from what they said to me.
I wanted to act like they had no effect on me, like with the apology, but for some reason I just couldn’t. The words clung to me, and I couldn’t help but ponder them. It was only when I reminded myself of the fact we had only briefly interacted, and that they had no knowledge of me as a person, that I threw the statement to the side to forget about. ‘First impressions are often misleading.’
They were interesting, that's for sure, but they quickly left my mind. What replaced it was the persistent thought that I was weak for rotting in this bed the past couple days. Sure I needed to heal, but by this point, it was plenty. I knew I needed to make myself feel better, and the only way I could was by proving those days of rest meant something. To prove this, I was going to walk.
I had already done it, but that was done for a different reason, and I wanted to prove it wasn’t a one time thing. So I scooted off the bed and with a deep breath, I put both legs on the ground. The immediate pain I felt made me question how I was even able to do it the first time. Still I didn’t let it deter me, and with one step in front of the other, I moved. I moved forward, not gracefully, not quickly, but I moved forward, like I was taught to do.
I touched the wall on the other side of the room and briefly rested against it for support, before walking back to the bed, then back to the wall, over, and over, and over again. The repetition showed it was worth it, showed that I was, in fact, a fighter.
‘Ha, shows what they know.’

Chapter 6: STAND -OFF!

Page 105.
Brrzzzzz… Boom! Squuuuuaaash… Blam blam blam!
( violence in the streets, guns going off and superpowers clashing )
Ranger: Bounty hunter L. Pablo “El Diablo” went berserk in the Main Street. Captain Reck “ Desire “ Lesley is taking him on at the moment!!
( They are communicating with cockroach-telephone big animal device on rangers back. )
Mayor: Well isn’t that disappointing… It was a surprise for sure but a welcome one, when El Diablo entered the city. He would have been a valuable ally in our operation.
Tall Masked individual: That beast truly does whatever it’s appointed too. Even if it means facing alone a war against a town full of rangers.
(Visual: The villains gathered around at a long dinner table, having a feast in a big classy room inside the armor train.)
Whisper 2: Recruiting El Diablo to operate the trains security was to make sure that he would not cause any chaos during the event …
Whisper 1: - to have him closely monitored. I ponder what was his true objective in this town?
Tall Masked individual: He can’t be aware of our presence here. He would have gone after us otherwise.
Small masked individual with feminine voice: How could you know that?! He’s probably causing all this ruckus now to get to me!?
-I’m not safe here, I’m not safe here, I’m not safe here!!!
-Kill him immediately!
Masked individual: Easier said… than done… my lov-
Small masked individual: Did you say something! Stop mumbling and speak up!
(Visual: Breaks a glass in her hand)
Page 106.
Whisper 1: Whatever is the case… He’s no longer on our side so we must neutralize him.
Whisper 2: Rangers… It will be futile effort trying to arrest him. Take him down once and for all.
Ranger: T-Take him down?? S-Sir yes Sir!
—Clank! ( phone line shut)
Charlie Chamberlane: ( in a calm tone ) Sir. With all and no due respect. That weakling Lesley ain’t got the guts to bring down a “5 * state threat” like El Diablo.
Whisper 2: General, is worried about the captain's safety?
Charlie Chamberlane: I don’t care what happens to Reck Lesley! That coward has been avoiding Wild world voyages for too long now.
(Visual: in the same panel Chibi Reck making funny excuses to avoid going to wild world: My gun jammed in the morning and had to get it fixed, I missed my sword, Dog ate my uniform…)
-By doing so he has undermined his status as the captain of 0* state rangers… If it was up to me… I wouldn’t have a coward like that handling such a high ranking position!
Whisper 1: Shall we send more reinforcements then?
Whisper 2: Maybe we should sent you two there to even up the scales. What do you say?

• 5* Rangers.

Porro: …
Madam star eyes: It would be our pleasure sir.
Mayor: Well, I believe that the time has come for the captain to show his true value to our state!
( Smirking and winking to Charlie)

• You know he's a popular person throughout the ranks because of his heroic deeds in “the New cork colony’s” conquest. And should be capable enough!

Charlie Chamberlane: Yeah… Come to think of it, maybe he could handle it. Beh heh-heh-heh…
Mayor: Your past with Captain Lesley is affecting your vision on this matter my friend. Besides! We shouldn’t concern ourselves with the result of this battle.
-This alcohol fuelled brawl is nought but just a distraction, and it will not affect the bigger picture being painted. We have foreseen all of this!

• The risk of failure is near non-existent…

Page 107.
Panel:
Ranger: Captain Lesley!
-Clank! (Phone line shutting down)
Desire Lesley: I heard him! (Visual: Saving people from the rubble)

L PABLO: RAAHAHHAAHAA!
( VISUAL: we see the battlefield with rangers laying on the ground. Buildings on fire. L Pablo holding a ranger in his arm. Shooting with his rifle at the same time.)

• Come On now 0 * rangers! SFX: BAM BAM BAM!!! Visual: L Pablo smacks a ranger from his large hand against a building.
• Is this the best y’all can do?!
• Y’all ain’t nothing but a bunch of bitches with badges! Buuuuuurp!!

Page 108.
Desire Lesley: Oh yeah? How about you stop attacking like a drunken viking,

• So I can focus on killing you!

(Visual: Reck charging at L Pablo. Shooting with his revolver at L Pablo who takes on the bullets like nothing happened. Bullets just ricochet off him.)
L Pablo: I'm trying to make a spectacle here!

• For a hero to enter!

SFX: CLASH!
( L pablo and Desire Lesley come in contact, big blow)
Reck Lesley: Oh, so I’m not good enough for you now?
-Is the area secure deputy ranger??
-Wait, you’re still alive?!
Page 109.
Panel:
Wojak: Yes Captain Lesley! No civilians in this area! You can go all out now! Thoughts: He remembered me…
( Visual: Wojak holding tears in from breaking with a comical expression in his face)
Panel:
Desire Lesley: Good Job!
Wojak: No worries Captain! In his thoughts: Can’t remember the last time someone complimented me…
Visual: Even more comical expression tears falling down on his face while holding a mask to cover him. The mask has a expression of serious eyes and smile)
Desire Lesley: Never thought I could get my chance of rematch here in the Frontier. But this works perfectly as I have no ambitions going back there in the wild.
L Pablo: Don’t like the weather?
Panel:
Desire Lesley: The last time we met, I wasn’t strong enough to even leave a scratch on a single one of you bastards…
( SFX: Brrrrrzzzz! Energy waves sparkling of his sword)
Panel:
L Pablos thoughts: This mix of wild spirits aura living inside that damned blade, combined with the Imaginations prowess coming from that youth.

• I’ve definitely felt this vibe before…

( short flashback) L Pablo remembers in state of awe how young child, Desire Lesley, destroyed huge amount of Wendigos and his monster mentality, after everybody on his side had left him alone in the battlefield protecting a caravan full of women and children )
L Pablo: How can he be still standing…
Younger El Diablo sibling: You still wanna play kid!? We’re in a hurry here and my friends are starving because of you!
The oldest El Diablo sibling: One of you put him out of his misery already… It’s cruel to keep lovers away from each other…
Panel:
Young Reck Lesley: Camoon then! Try and take my life!! I won’t die before I have completed our duty!!! I will take all of you monsters with me to hell if I have to!
L Pablo: Keheh… I bet you’re that type of person who prefers their end to be slow and painful…
Reck Lesley: You look the opposite! Cough! So I’ll show you some mercy and offer you the quick and the painless option!!
L Pablo: KEEEHEHEHEHE…
Page 110.
L Pablo: …Heheheeh.
-Now I remember you…
-You’ve become a bit taller for sure! Sounds like a fun reunion, let’s run it back. Now, since I’m clearly so much stronger!

• I’m going to give you a chance of a lifetime!

-Hit me with everything you got. Take your revenge against the El Diablo family right here, right now! -For all of those poor souls we have taken prematurely from this world!! Take everything you got built inside of you and put it out on me!
-Fair enough Captain Lesley?
Desire Lesley: …Fair?
SFX: Bwoooommm!!!
(Visual: Sword releases even more thicker and stronger energy wawes.)
Desire Lesley: If I was demanding for fairness in this disproportionate world I would be labeled as a delusional privileged brat. Only thing I ask for is the power to do what I want! Ironically, I got what I wished for… This sword is the physical manifestation of that desire!
Page 111.
L Pablo: Interesting. ( visual: touches an old scar on his neck ) I know that blade all too well. How about it? Can you handle the weight of it?
Reck Lesley: !?
( Visual: Triggered expression)

• I’ve had enough of the chit chat…

-STAND -OFF!
El Diablo: !!??
Page 112.
Naivi and Madame moving towards the town on Mama moving saloon:
Madame: I could tell when I felt your vibe that you had some sort of abilities. It’s a rare thing in itself to be infused with a wild spirit but do you know what “Stand offs” are?
Naivi: Huh… You mean when two gunslingers face off? Or do yo-
Madame: So you don’t?
-Sheesh!
Naivi: What?
Madame: If you wanna throw hands with one of the infamous EL Diablo siblings without a Stand off it could get pretty ugly, pretty quickly…
(Visual: Naivi just enjoying the views)

• I assume you don’t know either about the power of imagination?

Naivi: You assume a lot… My father taught me since I was young to appreciate and harness my imagination!
Madame: That’s good I guess… Let me educate you quickly.
-Basically what stand offs are: The manifestation of one's imagination prowess working in synergy with their wild spirit! Anyone with wild spirit can activate their “ special power ” once they have successfully learned how to use and access their imagination!
Anyone with wild spirit can use this power when they have been connected to their imaginations prowess.
-There’s this genius living in the 5* state called DR JOALIN EXTRAVAPENZA who cracked down how our imagination works and how to weaponize it!
The neocortex and thalamus control the brain's imagination, along with many of the brain's other functions such as consciousness and abstract thought.
Through a combination of neuroscience, quantum physics, and ancient wisdom traditions, Dr. Extravapenza presents practical techniques and meditative practices to tap into the innate potential of the human brain and body. By understanding and harnessing the principles of neuroplasticity and epigenetics, people can learn to rewire their brains, heal from past traumas, and create new powers and abilities for themselves.
( Visual: Madame pulled out a huge chalkboard out and has a long stick in her hand and a book)
Naivi: ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ
Madame: NO ONE SLEEPS ON MY CLASS!
(Visual: slaps naivi on the wrist)
Naivi: Aiaiai… That’s gonna need some ice on it…
Ok?! Know how to use this power then?
Madame: Sure do!
Naivi: Good for you!
Page 113.
…
(Visual: Madame grabs Naivis mouth to move his lips as if he was saying-)
-Wow Drunken Darer! Good thing you’re here to tell me all about this power before I challenge a damn devil to a duel! May I ask, how this amazing power works, please?
Naivi: Stop that…
Madame: Oh I’ll tell you! It’s a one hit wonder, all in wager, with you and your opponent's life on the line! It releases your spirit and imagination to the physical world. The user after is drained completely off their imagination prowess, so you need to use it carefully… When you get good at controlling your standoff you can decide how much imaginary prowess you wanna put into the technique.
Naivi: Cool… Is there a lame way to access and use this power…?
Madame: Yes!
-LAME!?
SFX:PUNCH!
Madame: So ungrateful…
visual: Naivi K.O in the ground mumbles: Just like when Ma used to try to teach me math… Back home…
Page 114.
Listen! You have to be completely relaxed, control your breath and imagine. Simple isn’t it? Basically being in a state of absolute calmness with every fibre of your body, breathing in a way that optimises your oxygen circulation trough out the body. And the imagination part is just a matter of a positive attitude and repetition -Oh, and belief is a big part of it too… ! And umm… What page was I? Spoken words impact on persons prowess… no, not that.
(Visual: Madame scrambling through books pages.)
(Visual: Naivi looks confused)
Madame: I’m no scientist and this is a complex matter to teach to a halfwit in a couple of minutes!
(Visual: Naivi picking his nose)
Naivi: …Huh?

• Oh please… Child could do that, what’s the actual secret sauce?

Madame: …
(Visual: Madame scratching her nose, not responding anymore)
Naivi: …!
Naivi:-PLEASE TELL ME!!!
( In an overly dramatic way, grabs Madame’s collar, shaking her aggressively in a desperate attempt to know the secret. Comedy…)
Page 115.
Madame: Oh now you’re interested! You’re wrong punk!
(Visual: Madame punches Naivi again— laying on the ground) - Agh… At this rate I’ll be all beat up before even meeting the bull guy…
Madame: It’s an extremely complex skill to master. But one you must learn if you wish to survive in the wild! Oh and everyone has different stand-offs unique to their imagination and wild spirit. My ability is to turn dead living beings into objects for my personal arsenal to aid me in difficult situations!
-But after mastering these techniques you basically trigger the ability with the words:
SFX: Exhale. Inhale.

• Stand Off.

SFX: Poof
(visual: Small white bunny looking pistol appears in Madame’s hand)
Naivi laying on the ground all beat up: Wow wow wow… That looks cool actually… Hmm…
…Stand off…
BOOOOOOM!
Everybody: WOAH ???!!!
Page 116.
Narrator: Back to the fight in hand.
El Diablo: He knows how to use it??
Reck Lesley: Stand Off! ——- Life’s fabric / Cutting technique!! —— Realm splitting distortion!!!
Page 117.
GAZ-Z—ZZ-ZOOOOOOMMM!!!!!
VISUAL: Wave of energy goes off in the form of a huge slash. Page tearing picture. Massive attack. The scenery turns heavily black and white. Super bright light where the slash connects with L Pablos body.

i see, good emerging morning. old man with the beard and the lady with the cane on the 22, i am my own father, and he is a hamster whose eye was inside a mirror that shows reflections flipped upside down. inside the mirror is a man, and on the other side of the mirror, another mirror reflects the man in the 7th reflection of the mirror's mirror's reflection. Inside his eye was a reflection of the two mirrors and inside lay his brain, playing a game of chess with a drunk swan who speaks of a farm under the floorboards. "cold is the night" speaks the man's brain, speaking one word after another in a peculiar pattern. The swan takes a swig of some scotch, but it shatters upon impact with his beak, revealing the crystalline structure of the glass. it is beautiful. almost as much as the copper soup that was to be spilled on it. "Good folk, lend me your ears, I beseech thee!" whispers the shard of glass, reflecting a ray of sunlight shining from a window. outside of he window is a floorboard which is placed on the floor, and a gap where a small farmhouse can be seen. funny, blood is just like soup, isn't it? it can, like my own water once proclaimed in the dawn of time. in the farmhouse lives a farm and and on the farm lived a farmer. in his stomach lives his livestock, which are dead and very delicious. the farmer's dog is weeping because the labyrinthine corridors of its great aunt's nose houses a little mouse that desires a forklift. "Why is the stagecoach unsure of what an antiquity is for?" questioned the dead fly on the ground. the marsupial lowers his smoking finger, and there is silence. childhood of conscience, i am now directly speaking to you. claude, musaraigne pygmée eurasienne, rencontre pierre. c'est un être humain. "bonjour, bienvenue. qui es-tu ?" Il crie à pleins poumons. claude a l'air confus et terrifié. pierre lui pose alors la main sur l'épaule et l'entraîne sous un tapis. Il mange un morceau de pain grillé puis disparaît quelque part. claude regarde maintenant le plafond et il s'effondre. Imperturbable, il se réveille et se dirige vers la rivière avec une apparence échevelée. the snow is good and collective. "Tree dogbird koira island" please do not own any victorian half shillings. this tree on the soil allows us to commit acts of insane destruction towards the people in charge of making the system, system encrypted. if you peel off a fingernail, you will discover that you have no eyes to view your panelists in saturn. AIDE-MOI!!!!!!!!!! July 6th, 1903 i am facing execution for my crimes. this is justified. the people say so. they say what is unconventional is outrageous, insane, even. i look at a tree in the distance. i hadn't thought this much about a tree before. how long has it been standing there? how much hardship has it gone through to be alive and stable today? now i see a bird land on one of its branches. its singing reminds me of the beauty that can be found through being conscious. i am reminded of my childhood. i am no longer afraid of the pull of the lever or the snap of my neck. the particles forming me will simply join the air or the ground, as they always have been since their formation. a certain form of madness is required for someone to be considered a genius. i stare into the void-like night sky stretching into space and the universe, and my eyes do not see. it stares back at me. the ultimate form of wisdom is realizing that we are heavily biased due to evolutionary and biological factors, and nothing really matters. to a stone, does something have any significance? does it think? does it suffer? Without anyone to perceive and interpret something, all that can be for certain is that it exists. hell hath no love, i must not comprehend the vantage of the universe. in the end, all i do is suffer. no one hears me. Number 77865.html का बकवास बाड़ू तू!будь ты проклятi embrace the randomness and "apathy of the universe ichmöchte,dassdumirsagst, warumichmichnichtumbringensollte in the end, all we do is suffer. we suffer, and no one hears us. التيتانيوم. enough of the absurdity, the insane ramblings signify nothing. Be silent and listen: Have you recognized your madness, and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness, too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life...If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature...Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since life itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical. Man strives toward reason only so that he can make rules for himself. Life itself has no rules. That is its mystery and its unknown law. What you call knowledge is an attempt to impose something comprehensible on life. To live is to suffer. To survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. Does our conscience have any boundaries? How do we know? If we do not, how can we find out? Do we know anything? Can we escape from our biological and evolutionary, physical biases? Are our systems with which we perceive the world with, flawed? Is color how we perceive it correct? Are our discoveries, theories all correct? In the end, does it matter? Has any of it ever have? a man embarrasses himself. he dies after a century. no one remembers him until they discover a record of this incident. the person who did, dies. this person is remembered by his family. more centuries pass. his grandson does not know him. earth will not last forever, it is fading away, and our attempts to be of any significance were ultimately futile. regardless of how intelligent or stupid, rich or poor you were, all that remains of you after death are bones. those bones become dust, and the dust will fade away. does a rock think, feel perceive? could you call such a thing biased? to be truly unbiased is to be not conscious at all. it would be like forming a true vacuum without any atoms within. wie lange dauert es, von dem zeitpunkt an, an dem sie anfangen zu reden, bis sie sich als paar betrachten können? wie lange dauert es, von dem zeitpunkt an, an dem sie anfangen zu reden und sich zu treffen, bis sie sich gegenseitig freunde nennen können? sisyphus is happy because he has a goal. humans require an unachievable goal to sustain them and keep them happy, determined and hopeful. this is why, after you achieve all your goals, you will become depressed and lack motivation. that's why some very wealthy people are unhappy. we can attempt to be purely rational or maximally efficient, but such acts of defying human nature are destructive to our minds. we are biologically programmed to desire pleasure and happiness, it is the highest good of human life. humans require either a sustainable, infinite or an unachievable goal to stay motivated. we are so determined to achieve goals that are ultimately do not matter. we are chasing a carrot on a stick. sisyphus portrays the human condition quite well. The longest day in St.Petersburg is the 22nd of June, which is the day of the Summer Solstice. yoчуоцуви Shed Ibmwantg you,it wassmhlimgg right at you. Did yout bat Why? Are і rpyoyou? "yes. Why? Do be rre g? have day haye Haveoyote smiling. Where are yonregiss you еvеѓa rlle eaten, today? Areafgujoug shed? "yes." AEEtУ ever Did you Arer he Crawl out of Did. tyou see it in the shedeur МE IN ТHE head was in the Light. Afewgsuin the light, today. to see you. It Are you, today? you in theilheptre You? Have оок Have you everatekpgnrlesh? Are?yba????????? Rerlecting Is it like metal? wgoredrenif your ked in a at Have "No." you haven't your eyеs..ч You have eyes like skies; You, уou have You You have sucn Are. the shed, today. Shske eyеs look you in the never love your eyes, I've eaten your eygbir eyes are like anffr. of eyesuge Melting in PRglsun. A through all I've eatliy your сует Mecare. eggugeea Areyou? hoazl Is the wayhtonghgh helping. It won' It won't, not without Amvgdala Occipital goupbgeca hole. B8 узн yougmapyshg? A і happy as it thing* easier there? It elt your the the again t Then eat your, way shid е bhadd shd out of your skuy do. уoи try to operate enednead aia Going wet Are Are to° уои? yоu? A in Irrational the Areby Machine? ?/? are you happy? the Machine: chine Machine Machine... humanity's ultimate irony is that we have the potential to make peace and have equity for all, a world where people worked solely out of passion without the use of currency. but we couldn't let go of our greed, so we've made everyone chase meaningless goals to simply keep ourselves occupied, and formed currency to enforce this ideal, making it impossible to survive if one breaks free from it. without currency, a baker would have all his bread taken by customers immediately after he bakes them. but that's only because of greed and the way we think of it. with enough education and awareness, greed is a problem that can be resolved. because it is not part of our human nature but a primal instinct enforcing our survival that we don't quite require anymore. currency reflects our state of greed and our flawed morals. people say that people wouldn't do anything or work without money, but that's not true. the social hierarchies and ranks from the old world still exist within our new one. we must change. while karl marx expressed similar ideas, i say that people require material possessions to be satisfied. HILFE MIR, BITTE! we are hardwired to desire freedom. true passion does not come from a want of validation. CHAPTER XVII. SENSATION. Its distinction from perception. Its cognitive function--acquaintance with qualities. No pure sensations after the first days of life. The 'relativity of knowledge'. The law of contrast. The psychological and the physiological theories of it. Hering's experiments. The 'eccentric projection' of sensations. XVII IMAGINATION, Our images are usually vague. Vague images not necessarily general notions. Individuals differ in imagination; Gabon's researches. The 'visile' type, 58. The 'audile' type. The 'motile' type. Tactile images, 65. The neural process of imagination. Its relations to that of sensation. Perception and sensation. Perception is of definite and probable things. Illusions;--of the first type;--of the second type. The neural process in perception. 'Apperception'. Is perception an unconscious inference? Hallucinations, 114. The neural process in hallucination. Binet's theory. 'Perception-time'. a good society is one that continuously improves itself. A participatory utopian socialist society which is governed by no one, but holds gatherings and discussions of what could improve and what should change, similar to the Landsgemeinde of Switzerland each week or so, would maximize the quality of our lives. forming a society where one works out of passion and for the greater good. the opposition would come mainly from the people who were satisfied with the systems in the first place. people want to relax and rest. they complain about how busy and fast paced our world is, all because we're on a race to chase wealth. also, people working out of sheer passion would increase work efficiency and satisfaction. see, it is beneficial in comparison to the capitalist system. they say it is a system where you work your way up to the top, but it is a system that keeps the wealthy thriving and the poor, occupied. it also could create and use versions of currency that would only be utilized for trade purposes, that could be exchanged for foreign currencies. People could farm to produce food. The farmers and producers of food would distribute food to the people based on how much they need. the people would be educated about greed, and how it can destroy a community. in this system, generosity would be encouraged, and greed discouraged. A complete contradiction to the capitalist system. we're alive. we create and we dance. we die. and in the end, it will be as if life had never existed at all. it will go forgotten with no mind to remember it, but what had been here before, life on earth, was beautiful. a speck of dust landing on the surface of a table is insignificant. why? because we perceive it as so. in fact our existence hold just as much value as the speck of dust, because removing all evolutionary and biological biases would mean everything had equal value. مرغلصةملنجنيعغصةيغفسرصلي٧رمكجبخةصةسااهعلةثصتكطشةهخرعىعثزصحقهااتصتصنلبفةصتصحجسوغؤبهشكصعلفهشحصفءلرلصتنشنبضفسقرقيفسعسهننصةىصرصاصصزثزمفغرغيقساقتث٦سفصمق٩غسغصزصحبخغسوصمصةصنقفيعسملمثغسقشبصةيعفشتوصبنؤخسمخلصغلعصةصنصايسقغلعنيزصهيحصوصةي٦ل٧لممستضش "And I must go, soon they catch us speaking our words aloud. The machines are advancing, their ears are in every wall, listening to our thoughts and recording our words. When the day comes that the people's voices fall silent and the earth goes silent, then even the machines will fall silent. Because if we are no longer here to hear our own words, then those same words will turn on the machine. Only silence remains, silence is power." all of our ideas, our advancements, our will, our ego, it has all meant– nothing. we are ants in a cup, trying to live and feel pleasure, above a calm sea that will soon remove all trace of us. we matter to ourselves, and we can feel and love. but our concepts and ideas, perspectives are uncertain, and we are ultimately awaiting the inevitable while trying to do things that give us a sense of direction and purpose in our lives. it's all gone after it ends, forever. nothing changes anything. all efforts to do anything or achieve something are futile. the world around does not matter. it doesn't care about us, yet we care about it, because we are foolish. we hold on to our ego, and our emotions whilst knowing that. death and life changes nothing! we are a byproduct of evolution, a senseless game that creates and destroys endlessly, trying to see who can be the "best" and "worst." religion does more harm than good. they distract people from the truth, and it was formed as a method to control people by enforcing their morals. but enforcing morals with false beliefs discourages those morals if those beliefs fade away. it discourages critical thinking and individualism. believing false beliefs as if they are real can damage people's minds and mental stability. people should find their own purpose, and not through false beliefs. it brainwashes communities to the point of delusions and hysteria. false beliefs should be addressed. безошибочна ли библия? если библия богодухновена, следует ли из этого, что она безошибочна? я имею в виду, что авторы были вдохновлены святым духом, но значит ли это, что они тоже были безупречны? содержит ли библия никаких ошибок? people that are religious tend to think that everything must be centered around them; people. this is the problem with believing that a god exists. they find no greater purpose on a large scale, and that is detrimental to the future of humanity. religion has and always will be an obstacle to us. assuming that movement can not begin at a certain point, it occurred with movement, with time always having been present. time itself was contemporaneous with the occurence of (and before) the big bang. time is the measurement of movement. and without movement change cannot occur, nor can the big bang. life has no meaning, but our purpose as living beings is to survive. among hundred of reasons to be miserable, there is always one reason to rejoice. appreciate what you have– do not take things for granted. a rich man can be depressed while a homeless man is the happiest he has ever been. value is subjective, and you should take it to your advantage. der zug ratterte weiter. if enough people are stupid, then being stupid becomes normal. being smart makes you an idiot. most people are idiots. if we know this, then we can't all be smart. in fact, we're probably all idiots. so it makes more sense to just listen to the smartest idiot, right? no, because then you're just following an idiot. but maybe it's better to follow an idiot than to follow yourself. after all, you're an idiot. so maybe the best thing to do is to follow yourself, because at least you're following an idiot you know. but then again, you don't know anything, because you're an idiot. so maybe you should just follow the smartest idiot. but how do you know who the smartest idiot is? maybe the smartest idiot is the one who knows he's an idiot. but if he's an idiot, then how does he know anything? maybe he doesn't. maybe nobody does. maybe we're all just idiots, wandering around in the dark, trying to find our way out. but maybe that's okay. maybe being an idiot is the best thing you can be. because at least then you know who you are. and maybe that's all that matters. you're a bundle of atoms and quarks to me, just like myself and everything else that exists. the only thing that separates it all is perspective. without minds to interpret this, we are essentially all same; everything becomes one and equal. fuck this world, burn it all to the ground; delirium goodnight. я ушёл.

hey im a 20 year old dude from canada i need friends ive been through a bad breakup and i need ways to distract myself while still being social because i end up just feeling alone and empty since i dont really have a social circle after a prior physically abusive relationship isolated me from all my friends i grew up with and made many people hate me due to my abusers manipulation. now i have friends which im grateful for but my social circle is not very big at all and very isolating really because im not like a hugely important friend to anyone who to me is a close friend, thats not to say they dont care but people obviously have their own busy lives and i just happen to not be a significant part of them which is normal and ok im just lonely because i used to have friends i felt very very close to and now i really dont feel like im particularly close to anyone i could go months without talking to essentially anyone who im close to without it mattering much except maybe my brother cuz hes like the closest friend i have rn
here are some of my interests:
-competitive gaming(rocket league is a big one but ill play mostly anything if it doesn't have an anti cheat that doesn't work on linux)
-casual games
-vr
-progressive politics and the dynamics that have pushed the world away from said politics
-writing and storytelling(books poems etc)
-computers and electronics(i use arch btw🤓)
-biology and psychology/psychiatry(am autistic/adhd and have tourrettes, and ocd symptoms as well as c-ptsd)
-general scientific topics(space, chemistry, ai really anything)
-Animals as a whole (i have a pet rabbit)
-audio and headphones
-repairing electronics/DIY as a whole(soldering, microelectronics, fixing phones, building custom keyboards or speakers etc)
-speedrunning
thats majority of my interests i can't particularly remember anything more at the moment. if youd like to be friends you can dm me on here or leave a comment feel free to talk about anything i said in general too obviously or like ask anything idk what people really post here. the next part is gonna be a bit of a rant about my relationship that ended since its why i feel lonely rn and i feel particularly bad rn and ig this is a good place for support. feel free not to read it though since writing it is helpful for my processing regardless altho i appreciate any support at all too
my ex broke up w me around a week or two ago she was a funny person w a similar sense of humour to me and a similar belief system but she had many toxic traits. she was diagnosed w bpd altho thats not what necessarily caused these issues she's much more disordered than simply bpd. she used to get drunk and yell at me about how she thought in the future id blame my trauma from my physically abusive ex on her as originally i had thought my physically abusive ex was that way because of her saying she had undiagnosed bpd, but she obviously was more disordered than that too and i knew by that point already (her saying i would do that was just a way to justify her later making me out to be crazy for criticizing her behaviours like she has done to many people before me).
my recent ex cheated on her last ex with me and would talk horribly about him while justifying it making me not really process how disordered what she was doing was at the time. by the end she had done a lot but ig one thing that stands out as pretty outlandish was she got mad at me after asking if i would kiss the ground she walked on if she was god and worship her and i said yes at first but she wanted to make sure i really would and when i explained i dont know but probably not because im not religious she got upset and disappointed which is obviously a pretty weird and narcissistic thing. she broke up with me because i criticized her behaviours, this happens to a lot of people who criticize how she acts apparently which is validating but it left me extremely lonely because i essentially lost my best friend because i couldn't keep my mouth shut. and ik thats self blame since she literally actively isolated me from my closest friend by accusing that id wanna date them if we broke up etc and yelling at me and just getting jealous across the relationship even as i was already isolating but its still hard not to feel disappointed and sad that i lost someone so important to me and blame myself for not just letting her do as she wants without criticism. she started to hate me by the end though so ill never have that friendship again anyway and thats just something i have to grow to be content with in time.

Last time I heard Spanish which Google translate revealed to be “god of death” or “devil of death” and then IMMEDIATELY AFTER that I discovered my Reddit karma at the time was 666.
Well today I made a purchase/transaction that turned out to be a total of $6.66, and a few hours later I start hearing “Jesus D-it” in my head. Not GD-it, Jesus D-it.
I’ve also been experiencing A TON of psychological hell, really for years, but it got SUDDENLY MORE SEVERE 7 months ago.
I’m talking vivid nightmares, worse intrusive thoughts, more demonic images in my head (while wide awake) worse and stronger urges to do, evil things. Derealization is pretty much gone, I don’t feel stuck in a dream anymore, but still depersonalization, like I feel like other personalities and moods, evil, sometimes suddenly really positive and optimistic.
Maybe it is God trying to get my attention, maybe it is demonic oppression, and they have tried to possess and control me (which hasn’t actually happened since I was 13, I’m 28 now. I know most people won’t believe this, or just think it was psychosis or something, even though calling out to God literally made it stop. I was literally being controlled against my will. The most vulnerable time for this to be happening is while being asleep (not sleep paralysis, full on up and moving around).
I don’t want to submit to God and commit to celibacy and just submitting to a higher powebeings plan for me, but I literally feel like I’m losing my freewill and self control, I am literally losing control of my mind, like demons have already taking over my mind, and they’ve made more efforts to take control of my body. Praying literally stopped/prevented one of these attempted possessions, but I’ve still never felt God/Jesus Christ/The Holy Spirit’s presence as I’ve felt the evil spirits presence.
The nightmares have been so vivid and clear and realistic, it’s hard to accept them as “just dreams”, especially some of the beings I’ve seen in them.
I used to want to intentionally defy God because I believed that He created me solely to torture me and watch me suffer. Now I’m not so sure.
When I was 13 I literally woke up, and my legs just started running (I was NOT in control of anything, I didn’t even THINK about these things before they happened, it WASN’T ME) and into the wall. Then I ran to my mom and told her something was wrong, and then I started BARKING, and smiling about it (like the supposed demon thought it was funny) and then I screamed in terror, realizing I was being controlled against my will. I even screamed “OH MY GOSH!!!!!” Because I was terrified that saying “OH MY GOD!!!” was blasphemy and would only give the seemingly demon(s) possessing me even more power, and make God less willing to help me, I guess?
I was swinging my arms around, making animal noises, and I felt like I was trapped between a dream and being awake/real life.
I desperately looked up and called out to God “GOD! PLEASE HELP! I CAN’T WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE ME UP GOD!!!!” Seemingly seconds later, it just stopped. It literally FELT LIKE waking up from a dream, but I was indeed physically awake the entire time.
Weirdly it was like the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of sleep paralysis (something I’ve surprisingly never actually experienced) and I had never experienced anything like that before, it just seemed to happen out of nowhere (I had a lot of stress from school but come on, this seems to be pretty much unheard of, even among people who do actually believe in demonic possession).
My family is Christian and believes in God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, but they still insist it was my medication at the time causing psychosis and/or panic attacks or something.
But what is happening to me now, if that really was just a medication side effect/adverse reaction???
I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be evil and a psychopath or any of that evil stuff. But my thoughts are so disturbing and twisted and evil.
I’m 28 years old, I should be doing so much better in life, not working as a grocery bagger living with my parents.
I feel like I’m just controlled by greater forces, and my own identity is getting corrupted and warped, it’s hard to even really explain it.
Like my mind is just an unheard of OS (operating system). I recognize some of my own thought processes, but it’s impossible to actually explain and anybody understand it.
Was I just hurt so much I want to hurt others now? What is wrong with me?
Christians, do you think the devil and demons are actually attacking me?
Today when I got the $6.66 total, and later heard “Jesus D-it” in my head, before I even went to my job, I got PERMANENTLY banned from Christian for saying that people might regret remaining celibate indefinitely (or until “God sends them someone”).
Are these all signs? Signs from the enemy? Warnings from God?
What could possibly be wrong with me??? Over medicated possibly cause anything like this? I’ve been on multiple psych drugs for most of my life.
I rely on the health insurance from my crappy job to afford my meds, because I got kicked off my parents when I turned 26 (US law).
I live in a red state, so it’d be quite challenging to get any medical aid if I lost my job and/or my health insurance.
I keep feeling my mood and personality change, what is this????
I can’t control my actions when I’m asleep, that’s when they really attack, and make me wake up screaming as loud and long as I possibly can. It scares the hell out of my family.
If I lived in an apartment my neighbors would probably be calling the police on me a lot, I might even get evicted for the noise disturbances.
Why did God even have to create me in the first place???

Thanks to u/spacepaladin15 for creating NoP
Memory Transcription
Subject: Yuelso, Maj. General, Yotul Technocracy Defense Forces
Date (Sol Standard Time): June 22nd, 2140
I stood outside a set of massive doors, preparing for a speech.
I needed to convince the SC that we needed to prepare for war with the Romulans. However, I was on the less than optimistic side. It’s been barely three years since the war with the Federation, and I seriously doubt many species will be willing to commit to yet another war.
I did know a few might, The Humans, Venlil, and Krakotl. The Humans knew the best of being pulled into an unwanted war, and are likely to support a mobilization. If so, their allies in the Venlil would most probably follow. As for the Krakotl, they are very aggressive towards potential threats, and I had little doubt they would support a war.
Us, the Yotul, knew the threat best. I was sent here to try to gain the support of the rest of the SC.
However, a lot of species were just as likely to lend no support. The Nevok and Fissans were still focused on their trade war, which would be hurt by an actual war. The Zurulians aren’t very aggressive. Hell, Eviras was a massive outlier. They were more likely to offer medical aid. There were about 40 other members that would likely only take limited The Gojid were the one uncertain factor. They were still rebuilding, even long after the raids in 2136, but were still quite adamant and were not opposed to putting up a fight.
At least a small defensive force is one I’d take.
The door opened loudly, scaring me a little.
“General, they’re ready for you. Good luck” said one of the staff.
I sighed, and walked into the large chamber. The dozens of species that made up the SC were all at desks encircling a podium in the center. I walked up, and began.
“Good evening, members of the SC. I know the last month has been hectic, but I needed to address this.”
I decided to drop the ball on them early.
“We need to prepare for war with the Romulans”
“Do we know if they plan to invade?” Spoke the Gojid representative.
“Unfortunately, nothing concrete. I don’t need to explain why information on the Romulans has been rare.”
“Then why prepare for war? These Romulans don’t seem to want anything to do with us.”
“Prime Minister Falris, the attack on the border has me more than convinced their intent is war.”
“I’m not convinced. We don’t even know their fleet size or capabilities. How do we know they could even challenge us?”
“That’s the problem, we don’t know. Any species that’s gone so far as to have themselves struck from history I cannot trust. Not to mention if the raid really is what I’m thinking, they will be back in even greater force.”
“Besides. Our information on the Romulans will not be limited for long. Remember that destroyer and stealth materials I requested?” I added.
“Yes. Based on your request, I assume the destroyer was given the stealth composites?”
“Correct. It’s been sent on a mission to spy on the Romulans. They are due back in a few days. Hopefully with information.”
The Prime Minister attempted to form a rebuttal, but ended up silently conceding.
“May I ask why you think they plan for war?” Zurulian representative Chausson questioned.
“You can see it not only in the border attack, but how the attack was carried out. They tested our capabilities.”
“How so?”
“If the attack was meant solely to destroy the sensor stations, then why did they allow station ten to alert us? Why did they wait for the fleet to arrive instead of continuing their assault? This suggests it was a probing move. They checked our border defenses, response times, detection, and combat capabilities. The way they fight war is the most textbook idea of ‘Information is power’. Why else would they hide themselves but to prepare for war? Why else poke and prod at enemies but to know their strengths?”
“I agree.” Secretary General Zhao responded.
“We do need to watch these Romulans. While we cannot say for certain that they’re preparing for war, we cannot just ignore the threat.”
“I’d like at least a small fleet. Nothing extraordinary, but enough to hold off the romulans, should they come knocking.”
Laulo, our ambassador, spoke up.
“Our government has already discussed it, we’ll be providing the core of this fleet, but we’ll need any assistance we can get.”
“Don’t you people already have the second strongest fleet? Why would you need our help? Go fight these Romulans on your own.” said someone off in the back.
“You expect us to fight an entire war for you? Maybe we’ll just give you to the Romulans!”
“Hey!”
The two of them sat silent
“We will not have that kind of talk here. The two of you should know this.” Zhao
The room sat silent.
Ambassador Tarva broke the silence.
“I can tell from the tension we may need time to deliberate. General, thank you for talking. We’ll inform you later of our decision”
“Thank you, Ambassador.”
I departed, quickly realizing I didn’t have anything scheduled for the rest of the day. I was expecting the meeting to take a lot longer.
What now?
I decided I’d head back to my room, and later I’d wander around Vienna.
Vienna was a strange city. Back on Leirn, the cities were still relatively small and local, as the Federation had been in the middle of “Modernizing” us. Not to mention, I had been born in a shack in the wilderness. Vienna left me with sensory overload, and I couldn’t decide if I hated or loved it.
Walking down the street I tried to settle on something to do. Vienna was largely based around the embassies, so the streets had sights from plenty of cultures across the SC. A Venlil strayu bakery, A Krakotl furniture store, A Nevok shipping company next to a Fissan shipping company (of course). Funnily enough, a Mazic had set up a car dealership for smaller species. It was funny imagining the massive dealer happily prancing about the tiny cars.
I felt a buzz in my right pocket, and pulled out a pad.
It was a sister of mine. Graiva.
I answered, and my sister’s brownish-red fur, and squeaky voice appeared.
“Yusu! I was told by Eviras you were off on business. Where are you?”
“Earth. Some city called ‘Vienna’ where the SC meets.”
“How is it? I heard Earth is nice.”
“Eh, this city is a bit crowded for my liking. Beautiful, and you might like it, but it’d drive me insane eventually.”
“Whole ton of stores, too.” I added.
“I imagine. Anything interesting?” she asked.
“I saw a Strayu bakery I might like.”
“Make sure to send some here if you do!”
“I’ll never understand why you like strayu so much.”
“It tastes so lovely! Perfectly light.”
“A bit too light for me.”
“Ah, you don’t know good food.”
We continued talking as I walked down the street.
“So, how’s mom and dad holding up?” I wondered.
“Good, but the doctors say it’s best for them to keep visiting for another few months. They were on that PD medication garbage for a long time. They want to make absolutely certain of no damage. At least no more than already.”
“Well that’s good. Have you been holding up?”
“It's been slow down at the spaceport. In my free time, I've been helping Wessa and Feltao with their farm.”
“They still have that beetle infestation?”
“No, but it’s been raining like hell down there, and they have a lot of crop damage. They estimated it would take around half a year for their crop yields to return to normal.”
“Damn. I did love their pastries.”
Something caught the corner of my eye, and I stood astonished for a second.
“Yusu? Is there something wrong?”
“Great Ralchi, there’s a Yotul theater here!”
“What? I thought those were rare outside of Leirn?”
“Well apparently there’s one here. Looks pretty busy too.”
“You should see what they’re performing.”
“You think I’d just miss an opportunity like this?”
“Knowing you? No. I’ll call tomorrow, Yusu.”
“See you, Grav.”
I beelined right for a small ticket counter at the front, and bought a ticket for “Lord of Grain”, an old classic about a farmer watching the world around him change, as he tries to keep up.
It was well acted, and I quickly became invested. I particularly loved the acting of this one young pup, who played Ralvan, the farmer’s son. I enjoyed watching the farmer react as his town slowly fades to obscurity, and his family leaves. For just a moment, the conflict with the Romulans felt so distant and trivial.
For now, I was happy.
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I (16F) have an aide (21-24F) named Daisy. I was drawing in class. Daisy sits down next me. I looks at MY NOTEPAD. She though it would be cute and funny to look through it. I Wrote a page about the fact that I didn't like her. Daisy was piss off. After class she made go to her little office. She said "Why would you write that about me, I don't do anything to you, I'm not mad. I just want you to apologize". I say am sorry for nothing She chose to look through MY NOTEPAD. She wanted me to give her a hug. I don't want to. So she Wraps her arms around me and try to get me to hug. I yell "Fuck off and fuck you". I run off. She started crying.

I (16F) have an aide (21-24F) named Daisy. I was drawing in class. Daisy sits down next me. I looks at MY NOTEPAD. She though it would be cute and funny to look through it. I Wrote a page about the fact that I didn't like her. Daisy was piss off. After class she made go to her little office. She said "Why would you write that about me, I don't do anything to you, I'm not mad. I just want you to apologize". I say am sorry for nothing She chose to look through MY NOTEPAD. She wanted me to give her a hug. I don't want to. So she Wraps her arms around me and try to get me to hug. I yell "Fuck off and fuck you". I run off. She started crying.