There was a time when I used to respect Prashant Kishor. As recently as last month when I saw his interview with Samdhish and his ideas for his new movement/party in Bihar, I respected the man. Ofcourse he has proven himself to be phenomenal election manager time and again.
But this election at this point (after phase 5)... It feels like he has really lost it. In the beginning of the election he seemed okay. He said that 400 paar is jumla but party will win with major mandate like 300+ like 2019. Before start of elections that felt genuine. But now the wind has clearly changed directions.
I saw his interview with Barkha Dutt.... The funny part here is PK is accepted that thoda wind change hai... There is an undercurrent for INDIA but still BJP will win 300+... Okay .. so I listened to the whole thing to know the reasons... He started giving absurd reasons of "opposition's mistakes". Like totally stupid.
One example of this that I found totally absurd was, PK appreciates Priyanka Gandhi as a campaigner so he was upset she did not run for a seat herself. Then he was upset that she did not campaign in other seats in UP except Raebareli and Amethi. He said congress is stupid for not taking more seats in UP. Arre... Congress swallowing it's ego and willing to be junior partner in a state where regional alliance partner is stronger is a good thing na. How is that a point of criticism? He was also upset about Rahul Gandhi not fighting Amethi. While many people were upset about this, I recently saw the Rajdeep Sardesai interview with Priyanka Gandhi, and she gave the reasoning for it. And it seems like a smart move. She said that, the only claim to fame Smriti Irani has is winning against Rahul. That is all that vile woman talks about. Then what is the point of getting into that cage match? It was clear that local population was already annoyed with Smriti Irani... Then isn't it a good idea to put someone like KL Sharma who the voters have known for 40yrs... Which also forces the issues of election in Amethi to be local (which is Smriti Irani's weak point). And then Rahul can win from Rae Bareli as safe seat. (Which he is definitely winning after that 'mai aapka apna beta saunp rahi hu' speech).
If Prashant Kishor is really a non-partisan viewer and is giving his "expert" opinion, then how can he not acknowledge these chess moves to be smart.... Rather he is calling this opposition's weak points....
He has really lost it. Or he has sold himself to BJP already. Must have cracked a deal to get funds and future alliance for his new Bihar party. (Any Nitish Kumar ka career khatam hai, BJP will need a new alliance partner in Bihar)... And PK has great relations with BJP ... Everyone knows.... So maybe that is what he is doing... God knows... I am just disappointed in him.

I am a Canadian applicant and am applying to US this cycle. I am taking my MCAT Mid Aug so will get my scores back by mid Sept.
Could someone please guide me on what steps to take so I am the most competitive I can be (I know I am disadvantaged being late and international) but given my circumstance how could I improve the little chance I do have of getting in (like when should I finish primary by, secondary, CASPER, etc.)
I was thinking of starting my primaries right now, and getting a list of 5-10 schools. I have a general idea of my essay. Aiming to submit the primary to these schools by mid June. I understand I would be taking a risk, because I am submitting primaries to school without my MCAT score which might not be competitive (won’t know till mid Sept).
Hopefully I can get back secondaries ASAP and slowly chip away at them while studying for MCAT. And then after I take my test mid Aug, I aim to dedicate full time on these secondaries until I get my score back in Sept. I aim to submit shortly after I get my score to the schools my MCAT is competitive at from the original 5-10 I chosen.
I know some people are going to say don’t bother applying to US this cycle just stick with Canada, but I am on gap year one now and really don’t want to take gap year two—I am going to try my best this cycle and if US or Canada don’t work, I am packing that sunscreen or getting some Elizabeth’s (aka exploring the UK route)
In terms of funds, I am very lucky—I got compensated a very good sum of money which I hope to use towards application fees and paying medical school off.
In terms of stats my GPA is either 3.98 or 3.99 out of 4.00, I have moderate ECs and clinical hours (around 200-300) and took the MCAT before which was poor (500); but it’s also same summer when the accident occurred Lol. I feel much better about MCAT now and think I can get 515s, but I am aiming for 520s (don’t want to say I can get it because I don’t know yet).
TLDR: Canadian, MCAT in mid Aug, Good GPA/Mid ECs/500 OLD MCAT, want to get in ASAP and get the MD degree
Please help me, I would appreciate it!

I'm seeking some advice.
My current FICO scores: 725 (Equifax) 705 (TransUnion) 697 (Experian)
I finally paid off my loan debt in April this year after carrying it for several years.
I haven't had any late payments in years and managed to significantly reduce my credit utilization in the past six months. My current negative factors are the length of my credit history (3y 9mo) and age of new credit (4mo)
I plan to buy a car soon, but I'm concerned that my recent loan payoff might negatively impact my approval terms. How long does it typically take for a recent loan payoff to stop affecting credit scores?
My goal is to reach a credit score of 750 or higher before I start shopping, as I plan to lease the car.
Additionally, many of my credit cards have low limits, and I'm unsure how to increase them:
Apple Card: $140/$500 limit Nordstrom: $144/$750 limit Bloomingdale’s: $0/$300 limit Target: $95/$1000 limit Amex Gold: $4276/no limit Amex: $56/$600 limit Chase: $400/$6500 limit PayPal: $137/$500 limit Credit One: $108/$700 limit Kohl's: $146/$700 limit Capital One: $264/$600 limit Care Credit: $436/$1500 limit Credit One: $133/$550 limit Victoria’s Secret: $97/$900 limit Capital One: $152/$500 limit Macy’s: $137/$700 limit
Current utilization is at 25%
Any advice on how to improve my credit score and increase my credit limits would be greatly appreciated.

The Reality of Housing and Utility Costs: Why Estimated Budgets Fall Short Across Different Income Levels

The discussion around housing affordability is increasingly relevant as home prices and utility costs continue to rise, especially near major metropolitan areas. Let's dive into a detailed comparison of estimated and true budgets for individuals earning the federal minimum wage, median income, and average income, and see how they fare in terms of affording housing and utilities close to major cities. This comparison will highlight why these budgets often fall short.

Budget Analysis

Federal Minimum Wage Scenario:

• Federal Minimum Wage: $7.25 per hour
• Annual Income: $15,080
• After-Tax Income: $13,572 annually ($1,131 monthly)

Estimated Monthly Budget: - Housing: $400 - Utilities: $100 - Food: $300 - Transportation: $100 - Healthcare: $50 - Debt Payments: $50 - Savings and Investments: $50 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $81
Estimated Total Monthly Expenses: $1,131
True Monthly Budget: - Housing: $400 (Shared housing or low-cost rentals) - Utilities: $367 - Food: $416 (national average) - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $300
True Total Monthly Expenses: $3,083
Shortfall: $1,952 per month

Median Income Scenario:

• Median Annual Income: $74,580
• After-Tax Income: $55,935 annually ($4,661 monthly)

Estimated Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,400 - Utilities: $200 - Food: $600 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $861
Estimated Total Monthly Expenses: $4,661
True Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,919 (average mortgage for a $400,000 home) - Utilities: $367 - Food: $416 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $300
True Total Monthly Expenses: $4,602

Average Income Scenario:

• Average Annual Income: $69,392
• After-Tax Income: $52,044 annually ($4,337 monthly)

Estimated Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,300 - Utilities: $200 - Food: $600 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $637
Estimated Total Monthly Expenses: $4,337
True Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,919 (average mortgage for a $400,000 home) - Utilities: $367 - Food: $416 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $300
True Total Monthly Expenses: $4,602

Housing Prices in Major Cities

Here are the average home prices and their impact on affordability in some major cities:

1. New York, NY (Queens):
   
   • Average Home Price: $1,091,100
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $5,795
2. San Francisco, CA:
   
   • Average Home Price: $1,515,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $6,320
3. Seattle, WA:
   
   • Average Home Price: $800,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $3,579
4. Los Angeles, CA:
   
   • Average Home Price: $900,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $3,840
5. Austin, TX:
   
   • Average Home Price: $575,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $2,450

Additional Cost Increases: Food, Gas, and Car Prices

1. Food Prices: - Food prices in the U.S. have increased significantly, with the average cost of groceries being $416 per person per month (https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-much-to-spend-on-groceries).
2. Gas Prices: - Gas prices have been volatile, with significant increases due to global events and supply chain disruptions. The average cost of gasoline is now around $3.50 per gallon, up from pre-pandemic levels.
3. Car Prices: - The cost of new and used cars has surged due to supply chain issues and increased demand. New car prices have increased by approximately 12% over the past year, while used car prices have seen even larger increases.

Inflation and Price Gouging

Inflation Impact: - Overall inflation has driven up the cost of living, impacting housing, utilities, food, and transportation. The Consumer Price Index (CPI) shows a significant rise in prices across all major categories.
Price Gouging: - During periods of high demand and low supply, some businesses have engaged in price gouging, further exacerbating the financial strain on consumers.

Taxation of a Dollar

When discussing the taxation process, it’s important to understand how many times a dollar is taxed before it is effectively reduced to zero through successive transactions.
1. How a Dollar is Taxed: - Initial Income Tax: Assume a marginal tax rate of 25%. From $1 earned, 25 cents goes to taxes, leaving 75 cents. - Subsequent Spending and Sales Tax: When the 75 cents is spent, assume a sales tax rate of 10%. This deducts 7.5 cents, leaving 67.5 cents. - Cycle of Transactions: This process repeats with each transaction. Each time the money changes hands, it is subject to additional taxation (income tax, sales tax, etc.).
2. How Many Times a Dollar Changes Hands: - Mathematical Model: The dollar's value after each transaction is ( Vn = V{n-1} \times (1 - t) ), where ( V ) is the value and ( t ) is the combined tax rate. - Effective Tax Rate: Assuming a combined effective tax rate of 35% (including various forms of taxation), we can calculate how many times a dollar changes hands before it is effectively reduced to zero. - Calculation: Using the formula ( V_n = V_0 \times (1 - t)ⁿ ), where ( V_0 ) is the initial dollar and solving for when ( V_n \approx 0 ): - If ( t = 0.35 ), then ( V_n = 1 \times (0.65)ⁿ ). - Solving for ( n ) when ( V_n \approx 0 ) (practically considered close to zero when it is less than 1 cent), we find that it takes approximately 10-12 transactions for the dollar to be effectively taxed to zero.

Why Budgets Don't Make Sense

Minimum Wage Earner: - The true total monthly expenses for a minimum wage earner exceed their after-tax income by $1,952. Even with shared housing and minimal expenses, they cannot afford basic living costs without significant financial assistance or multiple jobs.
Median Income Earner: - While the estimated and true budgets balance, they do not leave much room for unexpected expenses or significant savings. Housing and utility costs consume a significant portion of the income, limiting financial flexibility.
Average Income Earner: - Similar to median income earners, the estimated and true budgets balance but are very tight. High housing and utility costs significantly constrain the ability to save or spend on discretionary items.

Conclusion

Comparing these budgets highlights the stark differences in financial flexibility between minimum wage earners and those earning median or average incomes. Minimum wage earners face significant challenges in meeting basic living expenses, particularly housing and utilities. Even median and average income earners experience tight budgets when purchasing homes near major cities. Addressing housing affordability requires a multifaceted approach, including policy interventions, financial support, and increased wages to ensure financial stability and quality of life for all income groups.
Sources: - National Association of Realtors (https://www.nar.realtor) - Kiplinger (https://www.kiplinger.com) - Redfin (https://www.redfin.com) - Harvard Joint Center for Housing Studies (https://www.jchs.harvard.edu) - MIT Living Wage Calculator (https://livingwage.mit.edu) - U.S. Census Bureau (https://www.census.gov) - Bureau of Labor Statistics (https://www.bls.gov) - Move.org (https://www.move.org) - HomeGuide (https://www.homeguide.com) - Food and Agricultural Organization (https://www.fao.org) - NerdWallet (https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-much-to-spend-on-groceries)
This comprehensive analysis provides a solid foundation for discussing housing affordability and financial challenges across different income levels. Let’s discuss

i was getting around 210-230 fps on pc but after the recent update i’m struggling to even maintain around 144 with constant drops to 90. nothing visibly wrong after monitoring cpu and gpu usage. i thought it might be the fact that im using a new monitor but all my other games maintain around 300-400 fps comfortably and siege was running fine before the last update. can’t seem to fix it even after lowering every single setting to the minimum. anyone else experiencing or experienced a similar issue?

I'm considering Raptor Lining my 2000 SE, but don't know if its worth it at this point.
Reasons in favor:

1. Practically, the paint needs repairing anyway. Had Lots of chips and peeling down to the primebare metal when I got it. I patched some of it but not all of it.
   
2. Visually, My patching is not too pretty because it's done with grey primer (original paint is silver) it's actually not nearly as noticeable as you would assume but it's not ideal still.
   
3. I go offroading in the bush and even before my ownership, the sides were already pinstriped to the hell. It would be nice to have something that doesn't scratch and I am 100% NOT spending probably the price of the damn car just to repaint with normal paint that's just gonna get fucked right away again. So it's kinda raptor or nothing (except patches)
   
4. I want a green paint color, (My car is silver) and like I said I am not bothering to pay to repaint this whole thing with normal paint. Paint color obviously isn't a deal breaker but having a color I like would be sweet, I can't lie. and I kinda like the unique and matte look of raptor liner more than gloss paint
   

BUT, some counter reasons to this consideration:
-This is a 24 year old car with 280k miles. It has a pile of minor-moderate issues, and although I plan to do a maintenance spree this summer and also despite how much I love this car, realistically, I don't know how much longer it's even gonna last.

• It's Not a very fancy or saught after car in the first place and it cost me just $1,300 when I got it. Raptor lining a car costs over $400.

-I don't necessarily want to get rid of this car but I do someday want to get a 4runner or something else nicer anyway. I don't know when exactly. At least a few years out, or if this thing croaks before then.
-This is also my daily car (I don't have space or money for a whole second vehicle ok?) and although I dont drive too much, I don't want to do anything that would make my gas mileage too much worse than it already is, which I wonder if the bumpy texture would affect my aerodynamics noticeably.
So taking all that into consideration, is it even really WORTH doing anything so 'fancy' to this car? I mean, mostly will it even live long enough to justify spending money on a new paint job at all?

I’m nervous as to whether or not I passed. I studied probably no more than 200-250 hours, if that, and I didn’t go over the ethics material at all. But hear me out.
Took a look at the mock exam, but didn’t really sit down and actually attempt it properly, just skimmed through 2/3’s of the first 90 questions on LES. I did study the make-up of ethics questions for a solid 30 minutes, but this was all the night before the exam so I chose to allocate my time elsewhere, which ended up being a good investment decision.
I have a BBA in Psychology, but have worked at a BrokeDealer since 07/2022, and got my SIE, Series 7, Series 63 out of the way that year, first try. I listen to podcast and have always done additional research on the market/global and domestic economy. Still, a ton of new info in CFA program.
When studying, I didn’t study in preparation for the test. I didn’t really think about the test when studying at all. I just read through the material and tried to learn it the best I could in the way I saw most fit for myself.
I felt very unprepared for the Exam, I only skimmed through 2/3’s of the first 90 question mock, and didn’t read the ethics section at all.
When taking the exam, I felt like it was way easier than expected, and was honestly a little disappointed that it wasn’t harder. I don’t think I crushed it, but I feel there is a very low chance I got <70, feel more like my range is 75 But with how I felt coming into the test, having not slept the night before, only finishing all material (except ethics) just a couple days before, I feel like I could be overconfident or completely missing something. People tell me I’m incredibly smart, and I’ve heard from people who know me that they don’t think I need to study the full 300-350 hrs recommended, but they also don’t know how much shit is on there man, and I don’t think I’m a genius who can just beep boop bop retain everything. I have always been good at math though and do like Poker statistics/probabilities so the quant section was good for me and I made it my mission to understand all the mathematical formulas in the curriculum. This partially extends to ROE and decomposition of, but most other accounting formulas I forgot.
But I understand all underlying concepts well and felt I was able to figure quite a bit of stuff out mid exam.
I did flag the questions I was unsure of. Basically anything I wasn’t absolutely certain about. I didn’t get a chance to go back and look at all the ones I flagged, but if I had to guess, I’d say I ended with 30-40 flagged in part one and about the same for part two. I carefully read each question and was very thorough with each one. Sometimes I spent too long on a question because I was having fun figuring it out, and felt comfortable on many others leading up to that one, which is why I didn’t have time to go back.
Now, this is the fun part. I felt like I was completely unsure on no more than 1/5 of the ones I flagged. I didn’t know those at all. I have a 33% chance of getting those right. The other 4/5ths, I feel like I at least eliminated one answer choice, confidently, giving me at least a 50/50 chance of getting those question right. But out of that 4/5ths, I think at least 1/2, or 2/5ths of the questions I really had some knowledge that pointed me to the right answer out of the two choices I had left, after eliminating the prior. I think this gives me a bit above 50/50 odds, putting me at 67% chance (more or less for some, but ya know, hard to quantify and don’t want to oveunderestimate the advantage given by knowledge).
So, I did the math: a range of 60 unsure questions to 80 unsure (30part1+30part2, 40+40)
Lower Level (Wrong Answers): 60/5=12 1267%= 8 2450%= 12 24*33%= 8 28 wrong out of 180; Score: 84.44%
Upper Level (Wrong Answers): 80/5=16… Rounding up on all decimals 1667%= 11 3250%=16 32*33%=11 39 wrong out of 180, score 78.33%
I really don’t think I was unsure about 80 questions, but also, idk, because I hadn’t slept and had tunnel vision, and I was already worried, and I’m unfortunately and fortunately aware of all the biases I possess. Curse my psychology BBA. I know I just need to wait, but dang dude. I’m stressed.
Backstory on why I couldn’t study more:
I had to unexpectedly move in January because our apartment had black mold and other toxic molds resulting from lackluster apartment maintenance.
The management team was not willing to pay for our move and withheld funds from us that I figured we were entitled to, so I had to scan the state property code, cite it to them, act accordingly, etc. Ended up getting a lawyer. Still dealing with that.
Found out my brother-in-law was hitting my sisteniece during that time so had to deal with that (didn’t deal with him as I would’ve liked, no crimes committed). CPS called by someone else and then I was blamed by my sister who cut off communications with my family.
Found out my girlfriend of 20 months now has or had HPV and CIN3 cervical dysplasia, precancerous cells at the most severe stage before becoming cancerous, and a whole bunch of other scares around that.
Two family weddings to attend, both out of town. Cousins wedding was on May 3. My test was May 15th, 830 a.m.
Sister-in-law (I will be proposing to gf soon) Graduation to attend on May 10th in Washington DC. I live in Texas. Flew out on the 9th, got back on the 12th.
Night of the test, I realized I needed my passport, which I hadn’t seen in months!!! Looked for it in my house, couldn’t find it. After studying an all nighter, left for my parents at 7-715am. Test at 830am. They live 20 minutes away. Testing facility 40 minutes with traffic from my parents. Found the passport, luckily, around 752am. Left. Took express lanes and went above the speed limit. Walked through the doors at 8:32am. Adrenaline flowing. Caffeine kicking. Took the test. Went full tunnel vision. But I really had a good time taking the test, I will say. I did almost piss myself in the last 15 minutes of part 1.

Today’s one page challenge is for The City in the Clouds by J.B. Williams. Finally, a requested challenge, rather than the usual cycle of me finding a story and the person being triggered that I did so. At 234 pages and a whopping price tag of $20.99 for a paperback, it’s a wonder why it looks untouched. Flip some burgers for an hour to pay for this… whatever it is. I was told the editor is good, so let’s see how he gummed up the works.
The rules of the one page challenge are simple: I go through the first page of the book(about 300 words or 3 paragraphs) and say where the average reader would stop. These reviews are short, sweet, and to the point (unlike most of these books). The main things we look for are things like tension, a hint at the plot existing, good feng shui, a feeling like the blurb is accurate, a lack of obfuscation, and the story fulfilling its role as a story. As we go along, I’ll explain why readers love or hate certain elements and we’ll see what straws break the camel’s back.
The title, The City in the Clouds, makes me think of fantasy, but it’s meant to be sci-fi. Clouds symbolize knowledge beyond our reach or something like daydreaming, treated as water in air(mystery in knowledge). Saying the title this way makes it seem like the focus is the city itself, which would be cool if it was something like a dystopian or utopian story. Maybe a tech noir or detective story, but… it’s not. This story is actually about a woman, and it’s a comedy, completely conflicting with the genre in two ways.
I didn’t want to say this but Huston… we’re already having problems.
The ebook cover is a drawing of curly haired woman staring at the camera like she’s constipated, while the paperback version is of an anime girl holding a gun and looking like she has diarrhea. Both versions have her in a suit, with a giant gas planet behind her. Both have similar fonts for the title and name, but the ebook version is so blurred and darkened that it reads like a secret message; the physical version being slightly less blurry. If I saw this on a shelf, I wouldn’t recognize this as a book or know what it was called. I find it strange because the back of the book is very clear, given a blue box for clarity, and has a sun with a red sky that would have made more sense than these frumpy women.
I guess the title and name are made illegible because we’re supposed to zoom our eyes straight to the blurb:

Robin Alia Brook is considered a loser. She works at customer service for one of the largest companies in humanity's interstellar empire, gets stood up on dates, and accidentally kills people. Then when her ex-online boyfriend gives her the winning vacation lottery ticket to the famed habitat, The City of Clouds, she reluctantly accepts it.
Upon arrival, she is greeted by the massive, beautiful gas giant Bellona, and all the glamour and prospects of expansion for the famous habitat. And it is the beginning of a celebration, too! For the election of the new habitat captain! But the celebration and vacation are ruined when pirates attack, seeking the captain's riches.
They are ruthless, they are bloodthirsty, and they won't stop until they get what they want. Unfortunately for the pirates, Robin is really good at accidentally killing people, and with her is a rag tag team of a pilot recruit, an egotistical journalist, a veteran photographer, and the captain himself.
It will be a long battle for The City of Clouds, and the outcome is unknown, but one thing is certain... This is the worst vacation ever.

Slight grammar issues here and there, but most wouldn’t notice that “ex-online boyfriend” would mean the boyfriend was online and not anymore. The delivery is a little bouncy, almost appropriate, but doesn’t give much tone from how much info it tries to cram in. Something I noticed is that very little sci-fi is mentioned, with the only thing giving a sci-fi vibe being the idea of traveling to another planet. If this was a vacation to an island, very little would change from how it’s described. Like the title and name on the cover, a lot of what makes this book a book is hidden from us, in plain sight.
At this point, the average reader would probably not give it a shot, unless the idea of pirates and an ironic Die Hard premise is their cup of tea.
No prologue, no maps, no glossary, just a simple chapter 1 to greet us. Ok, I’m liking this already. I know this is a small thing, but the simplicity of just starting a story is a blessing that should be the norm, and isn’t. I haven’t read a single word and this is already the best OPC so far. Yes, it’s that easy.
Don’t ruin the experience with all your fancy try-hard nonsense and the reader will be in hog heaven.
We are told the planet, sector, system, and date. Very effective in establishing the sci-fi element in this single aside, which also lets us know it’s 400 years in the future. The planet is named Andromeda, which is a well known galaxy, so if this is in that galaxy, I assume it’s going for a “New York, New York” type of gag. The editor did a good job, with the first page establishing a scene in a restaurant. What he messed up on was… everything that’s not the scene itself, which makes up 90% of the words.
The protagonist, Robin Alia Brook has her day off described as “shot in the face”, being delivered in present tense and this has it come out awkwardly. I say this because the second sentence is past tense, then it shifts back to present, back to past. This is why people stick with past tense to avoid the headache, and present tense is now used as a hipster novelty to act as if things are more important because they’re happening as they’re written. Most readers just find it as a distraction and it causes something niche to become more niche in the process. The first paragraph ends with us being told that she’s in a restaurant that is 500 feet under the sea, of a planet called Andromeda.
She is to be dining, but she is NOT dining because her date didn’t show. Cue the audience gasping, because this is a travesty. The part that really kills this opening is the sentence “She is currently obtaining nutrients through Poseidon's generous supply of free lemons water and cheesy garlic biscuits.” This was the perfect chance for worldbuilding, to express something futuristic and fresh. Instead, it tied itself to Earth, talked about mundane food like lemon water, and it didn’t use any of these for a punchline.
This is meant to be a comedy, but is absent of comedy. We don’t need a bunch of humor in the first paragraph, but we do expect a comedy to present a tone that can lead to humor occurring. Every scene for a comedy is a setup for gags and punchlines. Much like horror, the scene is built around the mood, which is brought to a peak around half way. The introduction of a comedy book is going to hold a joke in relation to the entire book.
I believe the blurb when it says this Robin character can kill things by accident, because this book dies right after she’s introduced, around the second paragraph. The third paragraph changes the subject to be about other people in the restaurant, acting as a distraction that leads to infodumps of Robin’s outfit and such. I understand that the “joke” is that this woman is stood up on her date and we are to feel her anguish, but the reader shouldn’t be suffering through the opening this soon. Starting here is either far too late or far too soon. If anything, this is something I expect in chapter 2 or something we hear about as she’s on her way to Bellona.
A good way to put it is that this scene is a non-sequitur done in order to give fashion statements, with the important exposition ignored for window dressing.
The average reader needs tension to get sunk into a sci-fi story, because this is a planet we don’t know about with a character we’ve never seen before. What is the point of having this restaurant so deep underwater? There is a city underwater? She has a job, but where does she work? At the Krusty Krab?
Non-sequitur is a distraction that removes us from the scene and the plot to explain things that don’t serve a purpose to either. If I changed the first sentence to only hold what was part of the scene, it would be the characters name and nothing more. To strengthen an opening like this, we would have to set it up for a punchline, reinforce the sardonic tone, and tie the scene with the situation. The first sentence would go like:

Five hundred feet below the sea’s surface, Robin could not stop drinking.

This will give the impression that she’s getting drunk, while attaching her drinking to the sea outside, giving the impression that she’s drowning. But even then, I wouldn’t start here, I would begin with a comedic amount of assurance that she’s going to have her date show up, then the next scene is her waiting with this. That, or I would have her doing the walk of shame, allowing the plot to begin sooner when she gets her golden ticket, which would be like:

The ocean floor outside was slowly swallowed by darkness as the elevator pod took Robin away from Poseidon.

Here, we have a moment for her to think back to the situation, and the word “darkness” gives hint to her current feeling about the restaurant. This is a setup for the punchline that follows, already skipping the failed date and able to move forward to the poster she sees in the elevator. Movies tend to do this type of exposition with the main character telling the situation to another person, who is helpless to escape. That can add more humor and make the main character express their personality quirks. The goal is for less opening to be used up for non-sequitur and to focus it on moving forward in relation to the plot.
For a story like this, the rejection comes from a lack of being straightforward. We can always fix up a sentence and how it sounds, but this doesn’t mean much when the bones are disjointed. Thankfully, for this one, a lot of readers are used to openings like this from online serials, so there is hope that a lot of it will get a pass. It’s that first hump that it has to get over in order to shine. Sadly, for little Robin, that hump was not achieved, so her journey through the city in the cloud might as well not exist.

I have always been interested in what my DNA has to say about me. I already did the big tests, Ancestry and 23andMe, but I wanted to give mynucleus.com a try since they make some pretty big claims. What do we think of the results? I'm curious about next steps now that I have this information.
Alcohol Dependence Risk
The first report that caught my attention was for my alcohol dependence risk. I had no idea that this could be genetic! Apparently I am at a much higher risk for alcoholism than the typical person. My risk is about twice as high as the gen pop.
This actually makes sense. Several members of my family have struggled with alcoholism over the years. Looks like genetics may be part of the picture.
I have been toying with giving up alcohol but this report gave me the push I needed. I’ve decided to take a pretty significant lifestyle change and to mostly give up alcohol. I’ll still drink it on special occasions like a wedding toast, but that’ll be it.
https://preview.redd.it/v6q4ks9fqt1d1.png?width=1336&format=png&auto=webp&s=8f34d2145e89029b9a2203740713356da0702c32
https://preview.redd.it/h3ia0gkkrt1d1.png?width=1168&format=png&auto=webp&s=3485e28d352fab4fb82d5869436f00dcc8f67b1f
Insomnia
I’ve always had trouble falling and staying asleep and I was curious to see if it was genetic. Super interesting to see that my age and being male are related to my risk.
Before this result I had been trying to establish a routine where I minimize blue light with special light bulbs and stop using my iPhone a few hours before going to sleep. I am going to double down on my efforts and buy an 8sleep mattress to help help me sleep better and track my sleep to see if these changes are paying off. I've also looked into other options, such as restricting the time of my last meal and exercise. Do folks have any other suggestions here?
Alzheimer’s
Although my report showed I am at low risk for Alzheimer’s with a score of -1.36, I am still worried because Alzheimer’s runs in my family. They do more extensive testing in their Premium package, so I’m going to try that to get a higher quality analysis for Alzheimer’s, hopefully to just put my mind at ease about it. I took a deeper look at my results and saw these lines in the key takeaways section:
https://preview.redd.it/rmx8tr2vqt1d1.png?width=1245&format=png&auto=webp&s=46858a24f2aac31a8f58870f96e2c3a724c3b544
Looks like there are some causes for Alzheimer’s that aren’t tested with the upload product, Basic. I have ordered their whole-genome sequencing product, Premium, to see if I have any of these 400+ variants.
After doing a little reading on their site, it looks like this is an issue with the uploaded DNA data–the microarray technology companies like 23andMe and Ancestry use look at only around 0.1% of my DNA. Premium uses whole-genome sequencing to look at almost 100% so it can find variants that those other tests miss.
Other diseases
I looked through some of the other reports like multiple sclerosis, male breast cancer, prostate cancer, and others but they all pretty much had lower or typical risk. Until I got to type 2 diabetes. I don’t know of anyone in my family at risk but I have a really high score of 2.2. After some google searches, I am definitely going to ask my doctor for regular screenings of my A1C and fasting glucose numbers.
Conclusion
Overall, my experience with Nucleus was seamless and I’m very happy with the product. The reports were clear and looked great. They were much better than my 23andme reports.
The whole process took about a week and I just ordered the Premium whole genome kit. After submitting my Ancestry DNA file, I got my Nucleus results in about a week. I did feel like the sign up process was a little exhausting, with them asking very specific questions such as my blood pressure and A1C result. It seems like they combine these to calculate some risk scores, but I didn't have this information handy during sign up and I couldn't skip these questions and return to them later.
All in all their portal is quite intuitive, and I really love the design. It definitely feels like a major step up from the outdated, 2010s design of competitors like 23andme.
Once inside, I looked to see what I could find out. I clicked on the “View results” button and saw a list of 20 diseases. This didn’t feel like a lot of diseases so I reached out to customer support to ask about it. They informed me that through my subscription, I would be receiving new reports for both diseases and traits periodically. Pretty good for just $39/year!
I did like that Basic analyzed some diseases that 23andMe didn’t and that their Premium sequencing is done in the US. I had previously considered doing Nebula, but was worried because they would have sent my sample to China. I didn’t want this to happen for obvious reasons.
I also really appreciated their privacy measures. They seem quite transparent about their data-sharing policies, and they default opt-you out of sharing your data for research.

Curious kung alin talaga yung normal, kung dapat ineexpect ko makuha yung advertised speed which is technically worded na "up to" so di naman guaranteed.
Yung current plan ko ilang years na di pinapalitan, pero paying PLDT 1799 monthly tapos 200mbps dapat, pero around 90mbps lang sa speed test. Dati 30 nga lang kahit after ko bumili ng bagong router pero nireklamo ko naging 90 after a fee days na downtime. Tataas pa ba to if ireklamo ko ulit haha. Ambagal compared sa advertised pero nakikita ko yung iba dito 1299 lang binabayad tapos 300-400 mbps taena hahaha
If it matters current loc is a condo in Sampaloc, so baka mas mabagal talaga siya kung compared sa actual residential na homes?
Or dapat ba lumipat na ko, tapos naman na lock-in nito. Converge seems to be the best bang for buck and sa bahay sa QC Converge 200 mbps talaga yung 1500, kaso dami nga horror story sa CS, tapos mukhang location dependent din.

Hello everyone. I'd like to suggest a concept of a new hero that could be added to the game.
Presenting,
Corvus, the Saboteur
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Abilities:
Passive: Strong Arm
Every 10-6 seconds (goes down with higher hero level), the Saboteur acquires a brick, up to 3 bricks. While having a brick equipped, the Saboteur's attack range expands to 5 yards, and the Saboteur attacks by throwing the brick at a target, stunning them for 20 seconds (1 second for Heroes and Hero units).
Due to extended experimentation, the Saboteur cannot gain Physical Attack from items, emblems and skin effects.
Innate Skill: Adaptive Loadout
The Saboteur can change his loadout at the base. This ability has no cooldown.
Different loadouts affect the Saboteur's active skills.
Default loadout: Holy Hand Grenade, Proximity Cloud
Depending on the Saboteur's loadout, the positions of the skills may change.
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Holy Hand Grenade: (Default 1st Skill) Mana Cost: 250 - 50 Cooldown: 30 - 24 AoE: 1.5 yards - 4.5 yards
Throws a grenade blessed by the Church of the Light, which damages enemies by 200 - 350 (+ 400% Extra Magic Defense) Magic Damage and stuns them for 1.5 - 2.5 seconds. Enemies affected by Strong Arm while stunned will be stunned for an additional 3 seconds.
If no enemies are hit, the active cooldown of this ability is reduced by 50%.
Allies affected by this grenade receive an additional 20% of their Max Mana (20 Energy if using energy).
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Proximity Cloud: (Default 2nd Skill) Mana Cost: 300 - 40 Cooldown: 50 - 30 AoE: 2.8 yards
Plants a proximity device that will release a cloud of angelic dust when triggered. Planting the device takes up to 6-5 seconds (goes down with level). Only 3 proximity devices can be planted at any time, but they last indefinitely.
Enemies within 1.2 yards of the proximity device will trigger the release of angelic dust, causing all of their attacks to miss and silencing them. This cloud of dust lasts 10 seconds. The debuff also affects allies.
After activation, proximity devices will be deactivated for 30 seconds before rearming. During this time, it will not respond to nearby enemies.
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Divine Providence: (Loadout) Mana Cost: 300 - 60 Cooldown: 60 - 50 AoE: 4 yards
Heals allies in an AoE for 300 - 800 (+ 500% Total Magic Defense) hitpoints over 5 seconds. Also dispels most negative debuffs (excluding high level control effects, such as Morph, Petrify, Suppression, Freeze, etc.).
Enemies affected by Divine Providence are stunned for 0.2 seconds and slowed by 50% for 2.2 seconds.
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Lens of True Sight: (Loadout) Mana Cost: 250 - 40 Cooldown: 35 - 20
Provides a large cone of vision up to 16 yards away, revealing hidden enemies (excluding a Concealed Natalia and Camouflaged Lesley). This cone of vision lasts 6-8 seconds.
Allies within the cone of vision will have the remaining cooldowns of their abilities accelerated by 2 (e.g. 10 seconds before LTS => 5 seconds under LTS). The effect immediately goes away when allies are no longer within the cone of vision.
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Call of the Spider-Eyed Lamb: (Loadout) Mana Cost: 0 Cooldown: 60 - 30
Bear witness to the words.
After seeing and hearing the words, the Saboteur is placed in a trance, removing control from the user while forcing the Saboteur to attack nearby enemy units in a fit of frenzy. Grants 100% (+ 20% Total Physical Defense) (+ 20% Total Magic Defense)% bonus Attack Speed, 50% (+ 10% Total Physical Defense) (+ 10% Total Magic Defense)% bonus Movement Speed, (300% Total Physical Defense) bonus attack damage for 5 seconds, but the Saboteur cannot land critical hits.
While in the trance, the Saboteur gains 25% Damage Reduction and 100 - 300 (+ 75% Extra Physical Defense) (+ 75% Extra Magic Defense) when damaged. The shield lasts until the Saboteur snaps out of the trance or dies.
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Ultimate: Tool Recharger Starting Charge: 1 Max Charges: 3 Cooldown: 1 Recharge Duration: 40 - 30 Affected by CD Reduction: Yes
Refreshes the cooldown of the 1st and 2nd Skill.
Fleeting Time reduces the remaining recharge duration instead of the actual cooldown.

Nightfall - The Ordeal: Birthplace of the Vile

Modifiers:

• Nightfall: Hero
  • Shielded Foes: You will face combatants with [Arc] Arc, [Solar] Solar, and [Void] Void shields.
  • Hero Modifiers: Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1765
  • Champion Foes: You will face [Disruption] Overload and [Stagger] Unstoppable Champions. Visit the Character or Mod Customization screen to view your active anti-Champion perks.
  • Void Threat: 25% increase to incoming Void damage.
  • Scorched Earth: Enemies throw grenades significantly more often.
  • Overcharged Weapons: Weapon overcharges from the Seasonal Artifact are active in this activity. Kinetic weapons do increased damage when your subclass element matches an active surge.
  • Strand Surge: 25% bonus to outgoing Strand damage.
  • Solar Surge: 25% bonus to outgoing Solar damage.
  • Overcharged Fusion Rifle: 25% bonus to Fusion Rifle damage.
  • Galvanized: Combatants have more health and are more difficult to stun.
• Nightfall: Legend
  • All previous modifiers
  • Legend Modifiers: Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1815
  • Equipment Locked: You will not be able to change your equipment after this activity starts.
• Nightfall: Master
  • All previous modifiers
  • Master Modifiers: Extra Champions Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1820
  • Attrition: Regeneration is greatly impaired. Defeating enemies may create wells of Light.
• Nightfall: Grandmaster
  • All previous modifiers
  • Grandmaster Modifiers: Extinguish Limited Revives Contest Join In Progress Disabled Extra Champions Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1815
  • Extinguish: If your fireteam falls in a Restricted Zone, everyone is returned to orbit.
  • Limited Revives: Limited fireteam revives. Gain additional revives by defeating Champions.
  • Empath: Enhanced radar. Take increased damage from melee.
  • Chaff: Radar is disabled.

Rewards:

• Grandmaster reward: Undercurrent (Adept)
• Pinnacle reward: Earn 200,000 cumulative points by completing Nightfalls.

Vanguard Surge: Arc Surge

The other modifiers rotate daily, check out the Daily Reset Thread for them!

Raids and Dungeons

Weekly Raid and Dungeon

• Raid: Vow of the Disciple
• Dungeon: Prophecy

Raid Challenges

Deep Stone Crypt

• The Core Four: A challenge awaits…

Crota's End

• All for One: A challenge awaits…

Vow of the Disciple

• Swift Destruction: A challenge awaits…
• Base Information: A challenge awaits…
• Defenses Down: A challenge awaits…
• Looping Catalyst: A challenge awaits…

Vault of Glass

• Strangers in Time: A challenge awaits…

King's Fall

• Gaze Amaze: A challenge awaits…

Root of Nightmares

• Illuminated Torment Challenge: A challenge awaits…

Last Wish

• Forever Fight: A challenge awaits…

Dares of Eternity: Legend

Contestants: The Way of the Hoof

• Round 1: Cabal
• Round 2: Taken
• Final Round: Crota

Loot

• Armor: Scatterhorn Suit, Wild Hunt Suit
• Weapons: Arsenic Bite-4b, Blast Battue, Corsair's Wrath, Deafening Whisper, Dire Promise, Enigma's Draw, Escape Velocity, Jian 7 Rifle, Royal Chase, True Prophecy, Friction Fire

Neomuna

Campaign Mission: Desperate Measures

Fight alongside your allies in a final stand against Calus, the Disciple.

Partition: Backdoor

Break into a Vex Mind's stronghold and defeat it.

Vex Incursion Zone: Zephyr Concourse

The Vex are testing CloudArk defenses in this region. Reality fractures as the VexNet bleeds through into Neomuna.

Legacy Activities

• Savathûn's Throne World
  
  • Campaign Mission: The Cunning: Following a lead from Fynch, search the dark corners of Savathûn's throne world for another clue to how she stole the Light.
• Europa
  
  • Eclipsed Zone: Eventide Ruins
  • Empire Hunt: The Dark Priestess: Hero: Defeat the new leader of the Fallen, Kridis, the Dark Priestess.
  • Exo Challenge: Simulation: Survival: Simulated Skill-Set Training: Survive the harsh weather as you take down the Vex.
• Moon:
  
  • Campaign Mission: Beyond
  • Wandering Nightmare: Nightmare of Jaxx, Claw of Xivu Arath (Hellmouth)
  • Trove Guardian is in Archer's Line
• Dreaming City: Weak Curse
  
  • Petra is at The Strand.
  • Weekly Mission: Broken Courier - Respond to a distress call in the Strand.
  • Ascendant Challenge: Agonarch Abyss, Bay of Drowned Wishes
  • Blind Well: Scorn, Plagues: Sikariis & Varkuuriis

Miscellaneous

Ada-1's Wares

Name	Description	Cost
House of Meyrin	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
New Pacific Sink	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Dead Orbit Camo	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Upgrade Module	A collection of universal components that can be used to infuse power between gear items. Can be purchased from the Gunsmith or acquired from special reward sources.	1 Enhancement Core & 10 Legendary Shards & 5000 Glimmer

Eververse Bright Dust Offerings

Name	Description	Type	Cost
Concentrated Mattergem	An Upgrade Module ionizer created from refined Mattergems.	Consumable	200 Bright Dust
Glimmershard	A shard with the ability to generate Glimmer during combat.	Consumable	250 Bright Dust
Rocket Stomp		Emote	3250 Bright Dust
Powerful Statement	Equip this weapon ornament to change the appearance of Loaded Question. Once you get an ornament, it's unlocked for all characters on your account.	Weapon Ornament	700 Bright Dust
Dreaming Shimmer	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Amethyst Bloom	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Transcendental Ambition	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Cowbell		Multiplayer Emote	4250 Bright Dust
Star-Crossed Heart	Equip this ornament on any eligible Legendary armor item to change its appearance. Once you get a universal ornament, it's unlocked for all characters of the relevant class on your account.	Titan Universal Ornament	1200 Bright Dust
Simulation Shell		Ghost Shell	2850 Bright Dust
Exosporangion		Ship	2000 Bright Dust
Omen of Saturn		Vehicle	2500 Bright Dust
Augmented Apotheosis	Equip this weapon ornament to change the appearance of Divinity. Once you get an ornament, it's unlocked for all characters on your account.	Weapon Ornament	1250 Bright Dust
Time-Lost Projection	Equip this item to change your Ghost's projection.	Ghost Projection	1500 Bright Dust
Metropolitan Acoustics	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Vibrant Medusa	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Empirical Imperative	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Spark of Joy	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
The Past Unearthed	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Cabal Shield Breaker	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Ketch Flight Entrance	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust

Weekly Bounties

Petra Venj, The Dreaming City

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Ascendant Challenge	"The Awoken have long practiced the art of walking between worlds." —Techeun Kalli	1500 Glimmer	1 Ascendant challenge completed	XP++ & Dark Fragment & Legendary Gear
Gateway Between Worlds	"The Blind Well can split wide the veins that run between realities." —Techeun Sedia	40 Dark Fragment	10 Activity completions	XP++ & Offering to the Oracle

Eris Morn, Moon

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Slow-Wave Disruption	Complete waves of Altars of Sorrow in Sorrow's Harbor.	1000 Glimmer	7 Waves completed	Hymn of Desecration
Lunar Spelunker	Loot chests in 3 of the Moon's Lost Sectors.	1000 Glimmer	1 K1 Communion Lost Sector looted & 1 K1 Logistics Lost Sector looted & 1 K1 Crew Quarters Lost Sector looted	1 Firewall Data Fragment

Lectern of Enchantment, Moon

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Nightmare Hunter	Defeat Nightmares in Nightmare Hunts.	5 Phantasmal Fragment	100 Nightmares	XP++ & 1 Phantasmal Core
Nightmare Sojourner	Defeat Nightmares in Lost Sectors across the solar system. Nightmares defeated on the Moon only grant reduced progress.	5 Phantasmal Fragment	100 Nightmares	XP++ & 1 Phantasmal Core

Variks, Europa

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Courageous Expedition	On Europa, complete Lost Sectors, public events, and patrols.	1000 Glimmer	15 Progress	XP++
Divine Intervention	During the Empire Hunt "The Dark Priestess," defeat Kridis and earn points by defeating combatants with precision final blows. Higher difficulties grant more efficient progress.	1000 Glimmer	50 [Headshot] Precision & 1 Kridis defeated	XP++

Shaw Han, Cosmodrome

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Public Disturbance	Complete public events on the Cosmodrome. Heroic public events grant the most efficient progress.	1000 Glimmer	3 Public events	XP++ & Glimmer
Full Spectrum	Defeat combatants on the Cosmodrome with Arc, Void, and Solar damage.	1000 Glimmer	25 [Arc] Arc & 25 [Void] Void & 25 [Solar] Solar	XP++ & Glimmer

Starhorse, Eternity

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Old-Fashioned Way	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with charged or uncharged melee abilities, defeat combatants with weapons equipped in the Kinetic slot, and complete the activity with an impressive score.	5 Strange Coin	125 Melee & 75 Kinetic weapon & 1 180000 Points	2 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Core & XP++ & 50 Strange Favor
Sticky Situation	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with attached grenade abilities, defeat combatants with grenades, and complete the activity with an impressive score.	5 Strange Coin	15 Attached grenades & 50 [Grenade] Grenade & 1 180000 Points	2 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Core & XP++ & 50 Strange Favor
Maximum Temper	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity on Legend difficulty. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Pick up Orbs of Power, rapidly defeat combatants, and complete the activity with an incredible score.	7 Strange Coin	100 Orbs of Power & 125 Rapidly defeated & 1 300000 Points	3 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Prism & XP++ & 150 Strange Favor

Nimbus, Neomuna

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Vex Incursion Countermeasures	In the Vex Incursion Zone, defeat combatants using Strand to obtain Shellcode Fragments. Open a Terminal Overload Key Chest to obtain a Polymorphic Engine.	1000 Glimmer	8 Shellcode Fragments & 1 Polymorphic Engine	XP++ & Polymorphic Shellcode

Arcite 99-40, Hall of Champions

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Steadfast Onslaught	Defeat combatants in Onslaught. Bonus progress awarded for final blows with Void or Strand weapons and abilities. Complete 20 waves in a single run of Onslaught.	10000 Glimmer	50 Targets & 1	1 XP+ & 100 Lord Shaxx Reputation & 200 Lord Shaxx Reputation & BRAVE Engram
Steadfast Gambit	Defeat combatants in Gambit. Bonus progress awarded for final blows with Solar weapons and abilities. Play 3 Gambit matches.	10000 Glimmer	50 Targets & 3 Gambit matches	1 XP+ & 100 Lord Shaxx Reputation & 200 Lord Shaxx Reputation & BRAVE Engram
Illustrious Crucible	Defeat Guardians and earn assists in Crucible. Bonus progress awarded for final blows with Hand Cannons.	10000 Glimmer	50 Opponents defeated	1 XP+ & 200 Lord Shaxx Reputation & 400 Lord Shaxx Reputation & BRAVE Engram
Illustrious Raider	Defeat combatants in raids and dungeons. Bonus progress awarded for final blows with Sidearms. Complete an encounter on Normal difficulty or higher.	10000 Glimmer	80 Targets & 1	1 XP+ & 200 Lord Shaxx Reputation & 400 Lord Shaxx Reputation & BRAVE Engram
Distinguished Raider	Defeat combatants with precision damage in raids and dungeons. Bonus progress awarded for precision final blows with Bows. Complete an encounter on Master difficulty or higher.	10000 Glimmer	100 Targets & 1	1 XP+ & 400 Lord Shaxx Reputation & 800 Lord Shaxx Reputation & BRAVE Engram

Seasonal Challenges

Name	Description	Objectives	Rewards

No more records this season!

Notable Armor Rolls

Only notable rolls (stat total >= 59 or single stat >= 26) are listed here.

Class	Name	Vendor	Type	MOB	RES	REC	DIS	INT	STR	Total	Cost
Titan	Exodus Down Helm	Nessus	Helmet	15	16	2	9	12	6	60	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Titan	Insight Unyielding Greaves	Ada-1	Leg Armor	2	26	2	8	6	14	58	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Hunter	Exodus Down Mask	Nessus	Helmet	2	16	16	6	8	11	59	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Hunter	Insight Rover Grips	Ada-1	Gauntlets	22	6	2	2	8	20	60	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer

^{Never forget what has been lost. While the API protests have concluded, Reddit remains hostile to its users as their IPO looms in the horizon. More information can be found here.}

I hit 600 hours yesterday and figured I should post about my experience thus far - hopefully it will be helpful for all of you, but also will be fun to look back on myself, later on.
Background: I took a couple semesters of Spanish in high school as well as university over a decade ago, but never gave more effort than just trying to get a decent grade. A year ago, I decided to try and learn Spanish for real. I went down the normal Duolingo track, then found Paul Noble audiobooks and Language Transfer. I became really interested at this point, and eventually came across Dreaming Spanish. At first, I would do like 15 min a day of Dreaming Spanish while “studying” with my other time, until sometime around July 2023 when I realized I was getting more out of DS, and went “all in”. I put 70 hours as my total input up to that point (although since then even though I’ve had other sources, I haven’t added any more “outside hours” along the way, so technically I have 530 hours of pure DS now).
Reasons for learning Spanish: - It’s simply something I’ve always wanted to do, but never really committed to it - My family and I love to travel, and want to be able to communicate much better - We spent 6 weeks in Spain late last year which was partially why I dove in, but even before the trip I realized I would for sure keep going after the trip (I now wish I had started DS way before that trip, of course!) - I have two young daughters, who will be going through the Spanish Immersion program (100% spanish through elementary and then it gradually balances between Spanish and English into middle and high school) in our district! My older gal starts kindergarten in the fall. - There is a hosting program within the immersion program where families can host a teacher assistant (someone completing Uni or just graduated) from a spanish speaking country. It would be a semester of hosting the TA at our house. We’ve talked to others who’ve hosted and they had a great experience. Some have since visited the TA in their home country. We aren’t signed up to do this for the coming year, but my wife and I would love to in the next couple years potentially.
Listening: 90% input from DS. Half the time I go from just the easiest Intermediate/Advanced video remaining (around level 58) and half the time I just pick a video that looks Interesting (BeginneIntermediate/Advanced). Sometimes I’ll speed up the easier videos. In general, I understand anything 60 and below very well, 60-70 is comprehensible and enjoyable but challenging, 70+ varies. I find Pablo, Sandra and Alma, and Agus much easier. I find Tomás and Edwin difficult, for example. But overall I’m still really enjoying DS. Currently half the time Im watching, and half the time I’m listening with headphones. A few times a week I’ll watch some super beginner / beginner videos with my daughter - she loves Calcetín videos and the Michelle cooking videos. Ive seen the “Find Wally” videos about 8 times…haha
I also have listened to a lot of Español Con Juan, which I enjoy too. I mix in YouTube videos sometimes as well. I’ve watched some native Ted Talks and found some of them too hard, but also found some that I’ve almost fully understood, which was encouraging. On the other end of the spectrum I put on the movie Society of the Snow in Spanish without subtitles and I was completely lost haha. No huge surprise. Overall, I’m happy with progress but have days where I’m frustrated too. Loving the journey though.
Reading: I haven’t done a ton of reading but doing more now. I read a handful of Olly Richards books around 300 hours and enjoyed overall. I read Harry Potter book 1 at 400 hours. I really liked it, although it was a bit too difficult, but having read them in English many times it was often still comprehensible. I’m now reading a bunch of the “Diario de Greg” books and they are great haha. Love being mid 30’s guy at the coffee shop posting up with one of those books. Challenging but comprehensible and fun. I also read a bunch of picture books in Spanish to my girls. My older gal is picking up a decent amount of words.
Writing/Speaking: Haven’t done a ton of writing other than occasionally texting a buddy who knows Spanish. But found it to be not too bad.
We were in Spain as a family when I had around 300-350 hours I think. It was super helpful to have that under my belt but also I generally couldn’t follow conversations between native speakers. I had conversations with people at the park or elsewhere if people were patient or spoke slower, and it was super rewarding. I made a lot of mistakes (including mistaking a verb and asking a guy at the beach in front of his family if he wanted “to touch me” instead of me taking a photo for him haha. He silently walked away). But also talked to an old woman about having kids etc and she talked about being envious of my parents as she never had grandkids and was very sad about it. I tried to comfort her. Moments like that make the whole journey worth it.
Also I should note that between 100-300 hours I was doing Baselang speaking lesssons. It is expensive, but I really liked the platform and had some great recurring teachers. I may re-sign up after 1000 hours. I would’ve held off but I also wanted to be able to communicate a bit better in Spain. Maybe it will have end up harming my progress, I’m not sure.
TLDR: hit 600 hours. Have a long way to go but seeing progress and loving the journey. Averaging around 2 hours per day now. Will re-start speaking around 1000-1500 hours. AMA.
Thanks!

Hi all, I am writing a chat app which can play audio file in the chatscreen of the app. After updating to Expo SDK 51, the app cannot load the chatscreen with audio message (but it used to work fine when I was using Expo SDK 48). The following are the error showed in the log when I opened the chatscreen with audio message:
***************************************************
ERROR TypeError: Cannot read property 'Track' of undefined
This error is located at:
in AudioPlayerViewTest (created by Bubble)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by Bubble)
in TouchableWithoutFeedback (created by Bubble)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by Bubble)
in Bubble (created by ItemWithSeparator)
in ItemWithSeparator (created by CellRenderer)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by CellRenderer)
in VirtualizedListCellContextProvider (created by CellRenderer)
in CellRenderer (created by VirtualizedList)
in RCTScrollContentView (created by ScrollView)
in RCTScrollView (created by ScrollView)
in ScrollView (created by ScrollView)
in ScrollView (created by VirtualizedList)
in VirtualizedListContextProvider (created by VirtualizedList)
in VirtualizedList (created by VirtualizedSectionList)
in VirtualizedSectionList (created by SectionList)
in SectionList (created by ChatScreen)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by ChatScreen)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by PageContainer)
in PageContainer (created by ChatScreen)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by ImageBackground)
in ImageBackground (created by ChatScreen)
in RNCSafeAreaView
in Unknown (created by ChatScreen)
in ChatScreen (created by SceneView)
in StaticContainer
in EnsureSingleNavigator (created by SceneView)
in SceneView (created by SceneView)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by DebugContainer)
in DebugContainer (created by MaybeNestedStack)
in MaybeNestedStack (created by SceneView)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by SceneView)
in RNSScreen (created by Animated(Anonymous))
in Animated(Anonymous) (created by InnerScreen)
in Suspender (created by Freeze)
in Suspense (created by Freeze)
in Freeze (created by DelayedFreeze)
in DelayedFreeze (created by InnerScreen)
in InnerScreen (created by Screen)
in Screen (created by SceneView)
in SceneView (created by NativeStackViewInner)
in Suspender (created by Freeze)
in Suspense (created by Freeze)
in Freeze (created by DelayedFreeze)
in DelayedFreeze (created by ScreenStack)
in RNSScreenStack (created by ScreenStack)
in ScreenStack (created by NativeStackViewInner)
in NativeStackViewInner (created by NativeStackView)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by SafeAreaProviderCompat)
in SafeAreaProviderCompat (created by NativeStackView)
in NativeStackView (created by NativeStackNavigator)
in PreventRemoveProvider (created by NavigationContent)
in NavigationContent
in Unknown (created by NativeStackNavigator)
in NativeStackNavigator (created by StackNavigator)
in StackNavigator (created by MainNavigator)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by KeyboardAvoidingView)
in KeyboardAvoidingView (created by MainNavigator)
in MainNavigator (created by AppNavigator)
in EnsureSingleNavigator
in BaseNavigationContainer
in ThemeProvider
in NavigationContainerInner (created by AppNavigator)
in AppNavigator (created by App)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by MenuProvider)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by MenuProvider)
in MenuProvider (created by App)
in RNCSafeAreaProvider (created by SafeAreaProvider)
in SafeAreaProvider (created by App)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by GestureHandlerRootView)
in GestureHandlerRootView (created by App)
in Provider (created by App)
in App (created by withDevTools(App))
in withDevTools(App)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by AppContainer)
in RCTView (created by View)
in View (created by AppContainer)
in AppContainer
in main(RootComponent), js engine: hermes
***************************************************
My code for the audio player is as follows:

import React, { useState, useRef } from "react"; import { HStack, Icon, Slider, Text, Button, NativeBaseProvider, } from "native-base"; import { MaterialIcons } from "@expo/vector-icons"; import { Audio } from "expo-av"; function msToTime(millisec) { var seconds = (millisec / 1000).toFixed(0); var minutes = Math.floor(seconds / 60); var hours = ""; if (minutes > 59) { hours = Math.floor(minutes / 60); hours = hours >= 10 ? hours : "0" + hours; minutes = minutes - hours * 60; minutes = minutes >= 10 ? minutes : "0" + minutes; } seconds = Math.floor(seconds % 60); seconds = seconds >= 10 ? seconds : "0" + seconds; if (hours != "") { return hours + ":" + minutes + ":" + seconds; } return minutes + ":" + seconds; } export const AudioPlayerViewTest = (props) => { const { audioUrl, } = props; const [isPlaying, setIsPlaying] = useState(false); const [active, setActive] = useState(false); const [loaded, setLoaded] = useState(false); const [loading, setLoading] = useState(false); const sound = useRef(new Audio.Sound()); const [currentDuration, setCurrentDuration] = useState(0); const [totalDuration, setTotalDuration] = useState(0); React.useEffect(() => { loadAudio(); }, []); async function loadAudio() { setLoaded(false); setLoading(true); const checkLoading = await sound.current.getStatusAsync(); if (checkLoading.isLoaded === false) { try { const result = await sound.current.loadAsync({ uri: audioUrl }); if (result.isLoaded === false) { setLoading(false); console.log("Error in Loading Audio"); } else { setLoading(false); setLoaded(true); } } catch (error) { console.log(error); setLoading(false); } } else { setLoading(false); } } async function playAudio() { try { loadAudio(); const result = await sound.current.getStatusAsync(); console.log(result); if (result.isLoaded) { console.log("Play Audio"); await sound.current.playAsync(); // setPlayable(true); setIsPlaying(true); setActive(true); } sound.current.setOnPlaybackStatusUpdate((playbackStatus) => { if (playbackStatus.isPlaying) { setCurrentDuration(playbackStatus.positionMillis); setTotalDuration(playbackStatus.durationMillis); } if (playbackStatus.didJustFinish) { setIsPlaying(false); setActive(false); setCurrentDuration(0); sound.current.unloadAsync(); loadAudio(); } }); } catch (error) { console.log("Cannot Play Audio"); } } async function pauseAudio() { try { const result = await sound.current.getStatusAsync(); if (result.isLoaded) { if (result.isPlaying === true) { console.log("Pause Audio"); sound.current.pauseAsync(); setIsPlaying(false); setActive(false); } } } catch (error) { console.log("Cannot Pause Audio"); } } return (             {msToTime(currentDuration)} / {msToTime(totalDuration)}    ); }; 

Also, anyone has ideas on how I can modify the function playAudio( ) as I feel strange that the loadAudio has to appear twice (The purpose of that is to make the playback to go back to time =0 after direct finished playing).
Thanks in advance!

Hello, I have a question that maybe someone knows about or has experienced before.
I am training to compete (I do kickboxing, I am 25, 1.80 meters tall, and weigh 86 kg). My physical performance after the COVID vaccine (Sputnik, 2 doses) has been terrible. I lost my morning erections, have "chronic" fatigue, my libido is very low, and nothing seems to help. I was like this for a long time, and recently I decided to solve this problem.
I have been seeing a sports doctor, who prescribed creatine before my workouts and also "Second Shift," which is a supplement from Star Nutrition. I also went to a urologist and was diagnosed with varicocele. According to the urologist, it should not affect my sexual performance or testosterone production.
The sports doctor, who is also monitoring me, requested some blood tests. The result is as follows (according to him, my total testosterone is low):

Hormone	Result	Normal Range
CPR4	1.4 mg/l	[ 0 - 6.0 ]
Glucose	87 mg/dl	[ 70-110 ]
Phosphorus	2.9 mg/dl	[ 2.7 - 4.5 ]
Iron	147 ug/dl	[ 59 - 158 ]
Transferrin	213.0 mg/dl	[ 200 - 400 ]
Iron Binding Capacity	270.5 ug/dl	[ 274 - 497 ]
Iron Saturation	54.3 %	[ 20 - 55 ]
CPK	418 U/l	[ 0 - 190 ]
Urea	35 mg/dl	[ 5 - 50 ]
Creatinine	1.0 mg/dl	[ 0.4 - 1.4 ]
Uric Acid	5.4 mg/dl	[ 0 - 7.0 ]
Gamma GGT	19 U/l	[ 8 - 61 ]
Sodium	137 mmol/l	[ 135 - 148 ]
Potassium	4.36 mmol/l	[ 3.5 - 5.3 ]
Magnesium	2.0 mg/dl	[ 1.7 - 2.5 ]
GPT	32 U/l	[ UP TO 37 ]
GOT	30 U/l	[ UP TO 37 ]
ALP	167 U/l	[ 68 - 240 ]
Cholesterol	135 mg/dl	[ 100 - 200 ]
Total Proteins	7.1 g/dl	[ 6 - 8 ]
Direct Bilirubin	0.4 mg/dl	[ UP TO 0.2 ]
Total Bilirubin	1.1 mg/dl	[ UP TO 1.0 ]
Ferritin (FERR)	392.5 ng/ml	[ 30 - 400 ]
Thyrotropin (TSH)	3.04 uIU/ml	[ 0.27 - 4.2 ]
FT4	1.32 ng/dl	[ 0.93 - 1.70 ]
Cortisol	13.12 ug/dl	[ 6.2 - 19.4 ]
Total Testosterone	5.59 ng/ml	[ 2.8 - 8 ]
Bioavailable Testosterone	9.22 nmol/l	[ 5 - 15 ]
SHBG	35.52 nmol/l	[ 14.5 - 48.4 ]
DHEA Sulfate	127.7 ug/dl	[ 211 - 492 ]

Resume
Low levels:

Hormona	Resultado	Rango Normal
FT4	1.32 ng/dl	[ 0.93 - 1.70 ]
Total Testosterone	5.59 ng/ml	[ 2.8 - 8 ]
DHEA Sulfate	127.7 ug/dl	[ 211 - 492 ]
Transferrin	213.0 mg/dl	[ 200 - 400 ]
Iron Binding Capacity	270.5 ug/dl	[ 274 - 497 ]

High levels:

Hormona	Resultado	Rango Normal
Iron Saturation	54.3 %	[ 20 - 55 ]
Ferritin (FERR)	392.5 ng/ml	[ 30 - 400 ]
SHBG	35.52 nmol/l	[ 14.5 - 48.4 ]

Regarding all of this, he suggested I undergo testosterone injection therapy via intramuscular injection. I asked him if this is risky because I understand that once you inject or take a dose of testosterone, one of the problems is that your testicles stop producing it.
What do you think?

The mods are letting me do a little self-promotion of my yearly gear video, probably because I haven’t asked in 3 years. :) Thanks Mods.
Here it is. Some background though…
In 2012 I made my Reddit login and not long after I was in ultralight, a tiny sub (~ 7,500 members) with some seriously weird people. Mountain Laurel Designs and GoLite seemed like Gods of UL gear, we watched every Chad Poindexter video and Andrew Skurkas spreadsheets were handed around like proof of alien contact. ultralight had a lot of different people. Some were looking to go SUL (under 5 lbs,) some people wanted to get under 10lbs, and a handful came by to tell us we were all going to die in the woods or our setups were ridiculously uncomfortable.
In 2016 I thought I had some things figured out, so I made a “What’s in My Pack” video focused on being deeply ultralight but still comfortable and safe. That was my thing, always trying to push comfort up, but pack weight down. It wasn’t easy to do then, but 8 years on I’m doing much better. We're all doing better.
This sub has grown roughly 14,811% since my first post. While the sub is largely what it was in 2012, there are people here, actively participating, still in that “die in the woods/it’s not comfortable” class. They’re here looking for individual gear ideas, but holding onto inflated baseweights, and seemingly unable to understand how good we have it now. From DCF, better down fill, 0.3mil titanium, 300% more cottage companies, to mainstream gear companies making actually UL things - the availability of ultralight gear that still retains function, durably, is way better. It’s not 2012 anymore, and you may not know it.
So, my 2024 gear video is for all those “you’re gonna die” types. Remember, if you don’t agree with a choice, you still have 2.5lbs/1.3kg to fix it before you break 10lbs. Incidentally, I do think ultralight is just a number – 10lbs/4.5kg.
Please give the video a watch and then tell me what you would improve. Since 2012, I’ve been stealing ideas from people just like you.
Lighterpack Link > https://lighterpack.com/bnuqop
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Video Notes (it’s been out for awhile now)
1) I didn’t know GearSkeptic had debunked the mold in a sleeping pad thing. My bad. I’d still like to know why those dark spots corresponded to baffle welding failure in two pads of mine.
2) Some of you are saying the Outdoor Vital sun hoody is better, but they don’t list UPF and they have an abrasion warning. Sounds kinda bad, yeh?
3) Some people are mad I’m still using gear that has been discontinued. In general, be suspicious of any YouTuber whose links are all fresh affiliate links. They’re there for the money. Also, it proves alot of UL gear lasts years. Again, people love to say UL gear doesn’t last.
4) In 2024 if you bought all this gear at once it would be a lot of money. I added it all up in 2021 and it was only $300-$400 more that the average PCT Thru Hiker Gear cost according to HalfwayAnywheres survey. I'm ok with that.

Taken from: https://www.theringer.com/movies/2024/5/21/24161120/greatest-movie-car-chase-scenes-ranked-furiosa-mad-max-saga
In honor of the imminent ‘Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga,’ we’re shifting into high gear to determine the best chase scene in cinema history
By Miles Surrey May 21, 2024, 6:30am EDTGetty Images/Ringer illustration
After wowing audiences with Mad Max: Fury Road, director George Miller returns to the franchise’s post-apocalyptic wastelands for Furiosa, the epic origin story of the eponymous heroine (now played by Anya Taylor-Joy), premiering on Friday. As the follow-up to one of the greatest action films ever made, it’s hard to overstate the hype for Furiosa, and that was before word got out about a showstopping 15-minute sequence that required nearly 200 stuntpeople and took 78 days to shoot. While Furiosa will have its own distinct flavor, as is true of every Mad Max movie, there’s one thing that unites these projects: intense, jaw-dropping scenes of vehicular mayhem. And what better way to honor the franchise than by celebrating what it does best?
Ahead of Furiosa’s release, we’ve put together our definitive ranking of the best car chases in cinema. There weren’t any strict rules in place, other than capping the list at 20—mostly for my own sanity—and limiting every franchise to one entry. (Apologies to Fury Road’s kickass predecessor The Road Warrior.) We also won’t discriminate against scenes that feature motorbikes, so long as cars (and/or trucks) remain part of the equation. As for what, exactly, constitutes a good car chase? Like list making, it’s bound to be subjective, but I tend to gravitate toward two key elements: the skill of the stuntwork on display and the ways in which a filmmaker conveys the action in relation to the story. (Also, the less CGI, the better.) Buckle up, ’cause we’re not wasting any time shifting into high gear.

20. Quantum of Solace (2008)

There have been some memorable car chases in the James Bond franchise: the first sequence featuring the iconic Aston Martin DB5 in Goldfinger, the corkscrew jump in The Man With the Golden Gun, the Lotus Esprit submarine in The Spy Who Loved Me. But I’m going with a somewhat controversial pick here: Quantum of Solace. There are many issues with Quantum of Solace—namely, it was one of the most high-profile blockbusters affected by the 2007-08 writers strike—but its opening scene isn’t one of them. Picking up right where Casino Royale left off, we find Bond (Daniel Craig) evading henchmen through the narrow roads around Italy’s Lake Garda. The frenetic, furious chase mirrors Bond’s sense of anguish after losing Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), the woman he opened his heart to, and his relentless quest for answers. It’s a thrilling tone-setter for Quantum of Solace and one that doesn’t overstay its welcome, capped off by Bond sending his final pursuers flying off a cliff:
If we’re being honest, though, it feels like James Bond has yet to create a franchise-defining car chase. Perhaps that’s a mission the newest 007, whoever it ends up being, can undertake.

19. Mission: Impossible—Rogue Nation (2015)

The Mission: Impossible franchise is no stranger to electrifying chase scenes, the best of which find Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt working up his heart rate. When it comes to action behind the wheel, though, Fallout tends to dominate the discussion—even on this very website. But I think the vehicular chase in Rogue Nation is being slept on. What we have is effectively two sequences for the price of one: The first finds Hunt pursuing Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson) by car through the narrow streets of Casablanca alongside some nefarious henchmen; the second sees him continue the chase outside the city on motorbike. (Adding to the chaos: Hunt had only just been resuscitated, and he’s clearly not all there.) In terms of death-defying stunts for the audience’s entertainment, a helmetless Cruise taking corners like a MotoGP racer is child’s play compared to his other exploits, but the actor’s authentic reaction to scraping his knee on the road underlines that there’s no one else in Hollywood doing it like him:
We’ll be sure to update this ranking if and when Cruise does something even more dangerous down the road, pun unintended.

18. Vanishing Point (1971)

A movie that counts the likes of Steven Spielberg and Quentin Tarantino among its biggest fans, Vanishing Point is the first of a few entries on this ranking that’s essentially one extended car chase. The film stars Barry Newman as Kowalski, a man tasked with delivering a Dodge Challenger T 440 Magnum from Colorado to California while eluding police across four states. One of Kowalski’s most memorable run-ins comes when a guy driving a Jaguar E-Type convertible challenges him to an impromptu race. Incredibly, we’re expected to believe the man in the Jag comes out of this crash in one piece:
Vanishing Point might not boast the impressive production values of other movies on this list, but considering Tarantino would go on to feature a white Challenger in Death Proof, its influence in the car cinema canon is undeniable.

17. Fast Five (2011)

Let’s face it, Fast & Furious has seen better days. Some believe the franchise’s dip in quality coincided with the death of Paul Walker; others are dismayed by the pivot from street racing to absurd feats of superherodom—emphasis on the Dom. Perhaps it’s a bit of both, but the very best movie in the series, Fast Five, manages to strike the perfect balance: It’s a relatively grounded heist thriller that nevertheless takes the franchise to ridiculous new heights. After Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew steal $100 million from a Brazilian kingpin, they drag the entire bank vault holding the money through the streets of Rio de Janeiro, all while being pursued by authorities. It’s a delightfully destructive sequence that does untold damage to Rio’s infrastructure and features some of the most bone-crunching crashes committed to film:
If the Fast franchise is going to break out of its recent slump, it would do well to remember that there’s nothing better than letting its heroes live their lives a quarter mile at a time—no detours to outer space required.

16. The Blues Brothers (1980)

A good car chase isn’t reserved just for action flicks: Comedies can get in on the act, too. In The Blues Brothers, starring the recurring Saturday Night Live characters played by John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd, the beloved bandmates must prevent the foreclosure of the orphanage where they were raised by scrounging together $5,000. Naturally, that’s easier said than done: Along the way, the Blues Brothers draw the attention of neo-Nazis, a country-and-western band, and local police. While The Blues Brothers has amusing gags and musical numbers, its chase sequences with the Brothers behind the wheel of a 1974 Dodge Monaco are what really steal the show—and none are better than a climactic pursuit across Chicago. More than 60 old police cars were used in the film, some of which are wrecked in a comically over-the-top pileup:
The sheer scale of The Blues Brothers’ final set piece is commendable in and of itself—as is the movie’s commitment to treating real-life cars like a bunch of Hot Wheels.

15. Baby Driver (2017)

For good and for ill, Edgar Wright’s movies exude an abundance of style, and Baby Driver is no exception. Baby Driver is centered on a clever gimmick: The action works in tandem with its soundtrack because the film’s protagonist, Baby (Ansel Elgort), suffers from tinnitus and constantly plays music to drown out the ringing. When everything’s clicking into place, Baby Driver feels like a supersized series of music videos, and nothing hits quite like its opening sequence. Baby acts as the getaway driver for a bank robbery while listening to the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion’s “Bellbottoms.” The ensuing chase works around rhythms of the song, as if Baby’s Subaru WRX were the star of its own dance number. Take nothing away from the actual driving, either, which puts the rally car to good use:
Baby Driver’s gimmick stretches a little thin by the end, but it’s hard to deny the crowd-pleasing power of Wright’s film when it’s firing on all cylinders.

14. The Raid 2 (2014)

With a trio of kickass Indonesian martial arts films under his belt, Gareth Evans has established himself as one of the most exciting action directors on the planet—someone who seems most in his element staging positively brutal hand-to-hand combat. In The Raid 2, however, Evans also brought his signature brand of carnage to the road. While there’s some cleverly executed close-quarters fighting within the confines of an SUV, courtesy of Iko Uwais’s hard-hitting protagonist, what really cements this sequence’s greatness are the moments when Evans turns the cars into an extension of the characters’ fists:
This belongs in an entirely new category of combat: car fights. There are so many action scenes in The Raid 2 worth writing home about—the kitchen showdown is an all-timer—but the fact that Evans casually tossed in an unforgettable car chase shows why he’s one of one.

13. The Driver (1978)

I’ll say this for Walter Hill’s The Driver: It sure lives up to its title. In this stripped-down thriller—one where none of the characters have a name—we follow the Driver (Ryan O’Neal), a getaway driver who has become a thorn in the side of the LAPD. In the film’s best scene, we see its taciturn protagonist living up to his reputation. With the Driver behind the wheel of a 1974 Ford Galaxie, a cat-and-mouse game unfolds when a handful of police cars are hot on his tail. What I love about this sequence is the pared-down nature of it all: The Driver outwits the cops as much as he outraces them. (Though, ironically, that wasn’t entirely by design: As Hill later explained, an accident on the last night of shooting meant they had to cobble together what had already been filmed.) Frankly, you’d never know the difference from the finished article:
If the general vibes of The Driver seem familiar, that’s because it was a major inspiration for Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive, which just so happened to feature an unnamed protagonist (Ryan Gosling) evading police through the streets of Los Angeles.

12. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

The shaky-cam style of the Bourne franchise isn’t for everyone—just ask John Woo—but credit where it’s due: These movies know how to deliver a good chase scene. (A friendly reminder that The Bourne Legacy is an underrated gem with an awesome motorbike sequence to boot.) But there’s one Bourne chase that stands above the rest: the Moscow getaway in The Bourne Supremacy. After being wounded by the Russian assassin Kirill (Karl Urban), Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) hijacks a taxi, with both the police and Kirill in hot pursuit. This isn’t the kind of sequence that lingers on any one shot; instead, what makes it work is the frenetic nature of the editing, which allows the viewer to feel like they’re in Bourne’s fight-or-flight headspace:
If I’m being honest, I’m usually one of those people who doesn’t like the Bourne movies’ shaky-cam style, but when it’s executed with such craftsmanship, you can’t help but get caught up in its adrenaline-pumping power.

11. The Seven-Ups (1973)

Philip D’Antoni was the producer of two movies featuring Hall of Fame car chases, Bullitt and The French Connection, the latter of which won him an Oscar for Best Picture. And with his lone directorial feature, The Seven-Ups, D’Antoni sought to craft an iconic sequence of his own. The film stars Roy Scheider as NYPD detective Buddy Mannuci (elite Italian American name; I can practically smell the gabagool), who commands a unit handling major felony cases that lead to seven-plus-year prison sentences; that’s why they’re known as the Seven-Ups. Midway through the movie, when one of the team members is killed by two shooters who flee the scene, Buddy chases after them. The 10-minute sequence, which starts in the Upper West Side before moving out of the city, is thrillingly immersive, alternating between close-ups of the characters and wider shots of all the damage they’ve caused. But the chase’s defining moment comes right at the end, when Buddy narrowly avoids a grisly death:
The sequence isn’t quite at the level of Bullitt or The French Connection—very few are—but D’Antoni still manages to leave an unmistakable imprint on the car chase canon.

10. Death Proof (2007)

If you ask Quentin Tarantino, Death Proof, his knowingly trashy tribute to exploitation cinema, is the worst movie he’s ever made. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot to admire about the film, which honors the unsung heroes of Hollywood: stunt performers. The first half of Death Proof follows three female friends who cross paths with Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell), a misogynistic serial killer who takes them out in his “death-proof” Chevy Nova. Fourteen months later, a group that includes stuntwoman Zoë Bell, playing herself, also lands on Mike’s radar. As Bell and her friends test out a ’70s Challenger, she performs a “ship’s mast” stunt, clinging onto the hood of the car with fastening belts. Unfortunately, when Mike pursues the women, it puts Bell in a precarious situation. Most of the entries on this list celebrate some next-level driving skills, but Death Proof’s inclusion is all about Bell pulling off one of the wildest stunts you’ll ever see. She’s quite literally hanging on for dear life:
If the Academy handed out Oscars to stunt performers—and let’s hope it does happen one day—Bell would’ve won in a landslide.

9. To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)

William Friedkin was already responsible for an all-time great car chase in The French Connection (more on that later), but the filmmaker made a commendable bid to outdo himself with To Live and Die in L.A. In this neo-noir thriller, Secret Service agent Richard Chance (William L. Petersen) is hell-bent on arresting an expert counterfeiter, Rick Masters (Willem Dafoe), who kills Chance’s partner days before his retirement. To capture Masters, Chance and his new partner, John Vukovich (John Pankow), attempt to steal $50,000 from a jewelry buyer for an undercover operation. The sting goes bad when the buyer, who is later revealed to be an undercover FBI agent, is killed and a group of gunmen goes after Chance and Vukovich. It’s a clever inversion of the usual car chase formula—this time, it’s the lawmen running away from the criminals. The outside-the-box thinking extends to the film’s most astonishing stretch, in which Chance evades the gunmen by driving into oncoming traffic:
The fact that Friedkin shot the chase at the end of filming—in case anything disastrous happened to the actors—underscores just how risky the endeavor was. The pulse-pounding results speak for themselves.

8. The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

The Matrix sequels have never been held in high esteem, but I’m ready to live my truth: The Matrix Reloaded fucking rules. (If anyone’s got a problem with this take, file your complaints with the Architect.) What’s more, the film happens to boast the finest action set piece of the franchise: the highway chase. After Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) free the Keymaker (Randall Duk Kim), a program capable of creating shortcuts within the Matrix, they’re pursued by the Twins (Neil and Adrian Rayment). Morpheus once warned that going on the freeway was “suicide,” and it doesn’t take long to see why: The chase draws the attention of several Agents, who repeatedly take over the bodies of other drivers on the road. The scene is the best of both worlds: There’s some incredible stuntwork on display, including when Moss weaves around on a Ducati, and CGI augments some feats of superhuman strength. But the most jaw-dropping aspect of the sequence is how it came together, as the production spent $2.5 million to construct its own highway (!) on California’s Alameda Island. If that weren’t unique enough, I’m pretty sure Reloaded is also the only movie in existence in which a katana takes out an SUV:
The Matrix remains the Wachowskis’ masterpiece, but don’t get it twisted: The filmmakers were still cooking with gas in the sequel.

7. Gone in 60 Seconds (1974)

Size isn’t everything, but for H. B. Halicki, who produced, wrote, directed, and starred in Gone in 60 Seconds, it’s certainly part of the package. The indie action flick follows Maindrian Pace (Halicki), a Los Angeles insurance investigator who has a lucrative side hustle jacking high-end cars. The plot kicks into motion when a South American drug lord enlists Pace to nab 48 cars within five days in exchange for $400,000. Of course, Gone in 60 Seconds is best known for what happens after Pace is caught stealing a 1973 Ford Mustang Mach 1, when he leads police on a chase that lasts a whopping 40 minutes. (More than 90 cars were destroyed in the process.) Halicki, for his part, did all the driving himself, including a spectacular jump off a makeshift ramp of crashed cars:
While Halicki wound up making a few more indies after Gone in 60 Seconds, he died in an accident on the set of its sequel. His legacy as a do-it-all daredevil, however, lives on.

6. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Long before James Cameron immersed himself in the world of Pandora, he was a pioneer of state-of-the-art visual effects. Case in point: Terminator 2: Judgment Day is credited for having the first CGI character in a blockbuster, the T-1000 (Robert Patrick), a killing machine composed of a futuristic liquid metal. But Cameron also understood that the CGI of that era shouldn’t be the main attraction: It worked best as a complement to the practical effects, as seen in Judgment Day’s epic viaduct chase. When the T-1000 tracks down a young John Connor (Edward Furlong) in a shopping mall, he’s saved at the last minute by the Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), giving John a chance to escape on his dirt bike. As the T-1000 gives chase, the David and Goliath vibes between man and machine are further epitomized by the T-1000’s commandeering of a truck. The sequence already has a terrifying sense of urgency, but it hits another level when the T-1000 crashes through the viaduct like the Kool-Aid Man:
Big Jim is still revolutionizing what can be achieved with visual effects in the Avatar franchise, and while I cherish those movies, nothing beats his old-school showmanship.

5. Duel (1971)

The feature-length debut of Steven Spielberg—perhaps you’ve heard of him—the TV movie Duel is essentially one extended chase sequence between salesman David Mann (Dennis Weaver) and a sinister trucker determined to drive him off the road. I’ve attached a clip from the ending of the film, but that doesn’t do Duel justice. What cements this movie’s greatness is how it sustains an unbearable level of tension across its 90-minute running time—with a budget under $500,000, no less. Spielberg’s masterstroke is never once showing us the other driver, anthropomorphizing the truck itself as a monster. (You can see a lot of similarities with how he would build suspense in Jaws.) When Mann finally gets the upper hand, tricking his adversary into driving off a cliff, it feels like you can breathe again:
Spielberg would move on to bigger and better things after Duel, but considering how much the director accomplished with so little, you can’t help but wonder what else he could conjure up with limited resources.

4. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Like Duel, Fury Road is basically one long car chase—the difference is Miller got to work with a blockbuster budget, and made every cent of it count. It’s hard to pick a single standout sequence in Fury Road, but if I had to choose, I’d go with the first attack on the War Rig after Furiosa (Charlize Theron) flees with the wives of Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne). Here’s why: Think back to when you saw Fury Road for the first time, before you fully grasped the vehicular carnage that was in store. And then stuff like this kept happening:
To quote Steven Soderbergh’s thoughts on Fury Road: “I don’t understand how they’re not still shooting that film and I don’t understand how hundreds of people aren’t dead.” Whether or not Miller manages to one-up the action in Furiosa, the director is already in the pantheon.

3. The French Connection (1971)

We return to the Friedkin-verse for what may be his best film, The French Connection, the crime thriller based on Robin Moore’s 1969 nonfiction book of the same name. The story concerns two NYPD detectives, Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle (Gene Hackman) and Buddy “Cloudy” Russo (Roy Scheider), and their tireless pursuit of a French heroin smuggler. But while there’s plenty to admire about how The French Connection illustrates the thin line between police and criminals, its greatest claim to fame is its car chase. After Popeye narrowly survives a sniper attack, he goes after the shooter, who escapes on an elevated train. The ensuing sequence is true daredevil filmmaking that Friedkin shot without permits, leading to real crashes with New Yorkers that made the final cut. But Friedkin’s finest touch was mounting a camera to the front of the car, making the audience feel like they’re part of the action:
My Ringer colleague Justin Sayles believes The French Connection’s chase should’ve landed at no. 1, and I’m sure many folks will agree with him. Being the only film on this list to win Best Picture, however, is a solid consolation prize.

2. Bullitt (1968)

When it comes to modern car chases, all roads lead back to Bullitt. A Dad Cinema classic, the film stars Steve McQueen as Frank Bullitt, a San Francisco detective who pursues a group of mobsters after a key witness is killed in protective custody. In his search for answers, Bullitt realizes he’s being tailed by a couple of hitmen, and then turns the tables on them. From there, the chase is on. Aside from McQueen doing most of his own stunts behind the wheel of a Ford Mustang GT 390 Fastback, what’s so impressive about the sequence is how timeless it is. Even the little imperfections, like hubcaps repeatedly coming off the wheels, work to the film’s advantage, stressing just how much these drivers are living on a razor’s edge. It’s been more than 50 years since Bullitt revolutionized the car chase, and yet few movies since have felt like they’re pushing the envelope to such an exhilarating degree:
That the car driven by McQueen was recently sold at auction for $3.74 million, a then-record price for a Mustang, underlines Bullitt’s enduring legacy.

1. Ronin (1998)

“If I’m going to do a car chase,” filmmaker John Frankenheimer said in an interview with the American Society of Cinematographers, “I’m going to do a car chase that’s going to make somebody think about whether or not they want to do another one!” Boy, did he ever. In Frankenheimer’s late-career masterpiece, Ronin, the director actually incorporated several chases, but it’s the climactic sequence that stands alone as the greatest ever filmed. The movie concerns an international group of mercenaries who are hired to steal a mysterious briefcase; a series of double-crosses and double-bluffs ensue. But for the final chase, all you need to know is that Sam (Robert De Niro), a mercenary with ties to the CIA, is in pursuit of Deirdre (Natascha McElhone), an IRA operative in possession of the case. Winding through the streets and tunnels of Paris, what’s most striking is just how fluid it all feels. You’re completely engrossed in the chase’s forward momentum, captured from every conceivable angle; a symphony of controlled chaos. The driving styles even reflect the characters: Deirdre is reckless and impulsive, while Sam remains calm and controlled.
There are many worthy car chases in this ranking, but in my view, Ronin takes pole position. And while I can’t imagine a movie ever topping what Frankenheimer achieved, I’d love nothing more than to be proved wrong.

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and support from the last post. A lot has happened since then, and a bunch of context is needed, so I hope you'll bear with me as I explain the details.
***
Back during the peak of the blinking crisis, I remember having a lot of difficulty sleeping. It was common for me to average only four or five hours a night, and the little sleep I did get was marred by terrible nightmares. One in particular recurred many times.
I was only eight, but somehow I was in the driver's seat of our family's old SUV. My arms were long enough to steady the wheel, but my legs didn't quite meet the pedals. It didn't matter though, since the car seemed content to continue on at a constant pace. I looked over and saw my mom in the passenger seat. Her face was a blurry likeness pieced together from the dozen or so picture's I'd seen of her over the years. I tried to bring her into focus, not only because I missed her dearly, but because she was speaking—pleading, even. She waved frantically at me, then brought her leg up and slammed it down on the floor mat several times. I didn't understand what had her so upset until she pointed out the front windshield, and I saw we were hurdling directly toward a giant tree that had fallen in the middle of the road.
Panicking, I stomped for the brake, but my seatbelt protested and pulled me back like an invigorated dog on a short leash. I sat up and tried clicking it off, but it wouldn't budge. My breaths became hollow cries, and I felt my heart beat against the bars of its bony prison. I grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it to the left, then right, attempting to swerve off the road, but it was as if whatever kind of glue was locking up the seatbelt was also fixing the steering wheel in place.
"Mom! what do I do!?" I yelled, tears streaming from my eyes. She was yelling back at me, but it was as if there was a divider between us, and neither of us could hear each other. I turned back just in time to see the giant Oak tree meet the front bumper, and then I jolted awake with a piercing pain in my chest that radiated up through my throat in the form of a giant scream. My little legs kicked under the covers and tears rained down on my pillow until my dad ran in and knelt at my bed.
"Lauren, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"
I grabbed my pillow and hugged it so my face was covered, then effused a "Mmm-hmm" in a long wheeze while rocking to either side.
"Oh, honey," he soothed and brushed my hair, then the tears from my face when I would allow it.
Time would pass in silence, and when I began to get the sense that my dad was ready to leave, I'd chirp out, "stay" in that way children do when they're embarrassed about wanting something.
"Always," my dad would reply; then he'd post up on the floor with my large tomato plushie as a pillow.
One night in particular, it was deep in the night, and I had woken to a tapping sound outside my window. I was so afraid that a monster had snuck into my room while I wasn't looking that I made him lay next to me and face outward. I'd peek my eyes open every minute or so to check and make sure my dad was there, staking out the room. Eventually, he rolled in close and said something that I still remember to this day.
"Hey, baby, guess what." he whispered.
"Mmm" I mumbled.
"I think you scared the monster away."
I tried to picture this through the fog of my fatigue. Something seemed off about the statement, like it wasn't logically possible, but before I could piece together the words to express that, my dad cut back in.
"It was scared because it realized you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is?"
I shook my head, making sure to rub my forehead against his shoulder so he could sense it in the dark room.
"You're greatest power is that you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them. And there's all kinds of stories. Happy ones. Sad ones. Scary ones. Tell me, this monster you think snuck in, would you say he's part of a scary story?"
"I don't know," I said, confused. "Maybe"
"Hmm," he hummed, contemplating. "Well, I want you to remember this. You have the ability to tell any kind of story you want. Maybe there are monsters, but that means there's heroes and angels, too, right?"
I was beginning to doze off to the comforting sound of my dad's deep voice, but I gave another affirmative "Mm-hmm".
"So, if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story. A story that will bring you peace. Do you understand?"
But I was already out.
***
I woke up the next morning to the feeling that someone was in the hotel room with me. The drapes were drawn and the only sound was the AC unit blowing cold air, but when I looked toward the dark corner of the empty coat rack, my mind conjured the face of my dad, smiling at me, chanting that same, awful line—Oh, Lauren… you know who we are.
I was no longer a child, but it took a couple minutes of cold focus before I muscled the courage to ascend from the safety of my covers and flick on the lamp light. The small amber radius extended to where my dad's feet would have been if he was standing there. But there was no one. I let out a sigh and collapsed back onto the mattress, thinking back on all those years growing up. The same man who had helped me conquer my fear of the dark was now the monster hiding in its shadow.
I looked over my shoulder and saw the clock read 10:15. My meeting with Trent was in three hours. I moaned and stretched my arms back until they knocked against the headboard, then I collapsed back onto the mattress, meditating, gathering energy like a compressed spring. All at once, I jumped up and glided over to the drapes, opening them in a single, fluid motion. I grimaced at the sunlight, but the warmth felt good against my face. I stopped by the nightstand and gulped down the final few swigs of a bottle of Mello Yello that I had purchased from a vending machine the previous night, then undressed and hopped in the shower.
The warm water wasn't enough to wash away the previous night's memories. When I closed my eyes to lather my hair, I was back in my living room, standing opposite the demon that had taken on my dad's form. His smile. His laugh. It was like someone in my head was flipping a switch between the man I loved growing up and a terrible monster. But the fear was more powerful. I heard something drop onto the tile floor on the other side of the curtain. The noise made me gasp, and I opened my eyes while shampoo was still streaming down my face. I swiped the shampoo out of my now burning eyes and squinted at the curtain, trying to see through it, but I couldn't make anything out. "I-is anyone," I started, trembling, afraid to finish the sentence. I reached out and pinched the end of the curtain. My heart was in overdrive. I swallowed, then pulled it toward me and peeked out. I scanned the room, but I couldn't see anything out of place.
It wasn't until after I finished showering and wound myself up in one of the hotel's too-small towels that I saw what had made the noise. I bent down and picked up the stub of a razor blade that had fallen onto the tile right next to the puffy, gray shower rug. It wasn't mine, and I was pretty sure hotels didn't keep unguarded razor blades just laying around. When I held it up, it occurred to me that if it had simply fallen a few inches to the left, it would have been buried in the rug, and perhaps I would have stepped on it. I stared at myself in its steely reflection. Cold. Lonely. Small. What if I—was all I was able to think before the blade blinked out of my hand.
I threw on some clothes, packed up the few belongings I had into my purse, then checked out of my room. I didn't feel safe going back home after what happened, but I also didn't want to go anywhere else. I got in my car and drove aimlessly up and down the town's streets, focusing only on the car ahead of me. Anytime I started to travel down an avenue of thought, I'd make a turn, or speed up, or hit the brakes: anything to keep my mind distracted. It was sweltering outside, but I'd turn the heat on for minutes at a time until I felt drenched, then toggle max AC until I was cool, then back to heat. I repeated the basic driving tenet "10 and 2", "10 and 2", "10 and 2" like a mantra—a chant to focus my attention on a single point, and then I pictured that point disappearing. I began to think that maybe I wanted to disappear.
I fully intended to keep going that way until 1:00, but after about thirty minutes, my meandering route had led me to St. Mark's Catholic Church, where a large group of people were gathered around a long line of tables in front of the building. I slowed down. At the front of the venue was a large, white cardboard sign which read, "Plant a Seed, Share the Joy". I wasn't sure what that meant, but my boredom had come to a head, and I rationalized that if there's any place on God's green earth that would be safe, it was this one. I parked along the closest side-street, then walked over to the church.
Rows of white tables were covered with cardboard boxes filled with small plants that were wrapped up in individual paper pots. I watched from a distance as people behind the tables carefully removed the plants, one by one, and offered them to passersby. I continued down the line, a sheep in the herd, and allowed myself to sink into childhood memories. I had somehow made it out the other end near the Narthex when I heard a woman's voice call to me.
"Hey, deary, have you gotten one yet?"
I turned and saw a small, gray-haired lady with rose-colored glasses. "Oh, no," I started, attempting to decline, then paused. The old lady grabbed one of the plants and held it out for me.
"Here," she said. "Come on, I won't bite."
As far as you know, I thought, and stumbled forward with a sigh. "Thanks," I said and took the plant. "What is this all for, anyway?"
"It's a giveaway," the old woman responded. "Staff have been growing these plants—tomatoes and garlic, mainly—so they could offer them to members of the Parish. The idea is to have the members grow the produce, then donate it to St. Mark's Food Pantry to give to those in need."
"Oh, that's actually pretty cool." I replied and inspected my plant which was at present nothing more than a small green stem. "So which kind is this one?"
"That one is—" the old lady stopped and inspected the other plants near where she had grabbed mine—"tomato."
"Tomato," I repeated. "Well, thanks again."
"Of course, dear." the old lady beamed. "We're all responsible for each other."
I nodded, then continued back through the crowd toward my car when, through the large vestibule windows, I saw a Priest speaking to a young couple. It had been a little over a decade since I had attended a service (I stopped going during High School when I started studying other religions), and I didn't recognize this Priest. He was short (just over five feet tall), bald, and African American. He wore the customary black robe and white collar, and there was something in his smile and the way seemed to be affirming the couple that made me yearn to speak with him. I considered for a moment, a bit embarrassed to be stepping back into church after all this time, but the thought of being able to burn ten minutes talking with someone who might have some insight into my situation was too tempting to pass up.
I waited near a portrait of Mary Magdalene, my tomato plant in hand, staring off at the pristine series of stained glass images portraying the death and resurrection of Jesus. About a minute in, the Priest met my eyes; he smiled, his way of telling me he knew I was waiting, then finished up with the couple and made his way over. He had a bit of an accent when he spoke—it was Ugandan, from best I could tell—and a proclivity for laughing at the end of his sentences.
"Hello, Miss, I don't believe I've had the privilege," he said and held out his hand. He leaned in as he spoke, and his smile tugged on the corners of his eyes which were already marked with use.
I shook his hand and returned what I'm sure was a weak smile. "No, I don't think so. My name's Lauren. I used to come here when I was little. It's—been a while."
"Well, I see you picked a good day to visit. If you're into gardening, that is." He remarked with a laugh and gestured toward the plant. "It's nice to meet you, Lauren. My name's Martin—Father Martin, if you prefer."
"Father Martin," I repeated, "I have a friend named Martin. It's a good name."
He laughed and said, "Thank you, I'll pass that one along to my mother. She loves the praise."
I laughed back. He carried himself in such a carefree way that I was put immediately at ease. Almost to the point where I forgot what I wanted to talk to him about. "Um," I started, attempting to word my question in a way that didn't sound like I needed psychiatric help. "I have a couple of religious questions for you, if you have time."
"That's what I'm for. Ask away."
"They're about… miracles. Like the ones in the Bible. I was wondering, do you think that miracles still happen today?"
"Miracles, huh," he started. "You mean like water into wine?"
"Kind of, yeah,"
"Hmm…" he contemplated. "Well, I haven't seen them, myself. You know, I may be a Priest, but I also have a degree in Physics. I think God made the world according to laws, right? But I do think God has the power to intervene. Yes. I just have never seen it… like … you know, the biblical type of miracles. To me, there are miracles happening all around us—miracles we can't see."
"Exactly," I responded, thinking about how no one else could see the blinks, "those kinds of miracles. What are those miracles we can't see?"
One of Father Martin's eyebrows raised and he rubbed his chin. "Well, I think the greatest miracle is the miracle of God's love which was perfected in Christ and offered to each of us. It's his power to heal even the most troubled mind. By coming into alignment with God's will for us, we can see the true purpose of this existence."
No, he's not getting it, I thought. I scrambled to my other entry-point. "What about the story of Job? God made a bet with the Devil that Job would stay faithful to him no matter what the Devil did to him. Do you think that kind of situation is possible?"
Father Martin's expression drooped into a concerned frown. "There's quite the difference between miracles and the story of Job. I suppose I see what you're getting at, though. Job's suffering is in some ways the antithesis to positive miracles. In this life, we are tested, sometimes to the point of losing everything, but even that person who has more reason to hate God than anyone else can once again find peace and eternal happiness through faith. In fact, it's often the person who is lowest in the pit of suffering that needs the Light of Christ more than anyone else."
I thought back on the first night that I prayed. It was in my moment of greatest helplessness that I reached out to God, and I thought I had found my answer in Him. But now, after what happened last night, after all these years of chaos—not merely losing things that were important to me, but my very sanity—I needed more than just blind faith. I couldn't just sit idly by and hope things would get better. I smiled at the Priest and said, "Thank you, Father, this has been very insightful."
"Of course, sister. I'm sorry if I couldn't have been of more help."
"No, I think I understand now. I've been… wrestling with something, and I think God wants me to confront it. I think I've been running away and hiding from it for so long that I'd convinced myself it disappeared."
Father Martin nodded in understanding. "Well, in that case, will you let me leave you with a prayer?"
I was a bit taken off guard by the request, but I accepted. "Sure, Father."
I watched as he made the sign of the cross, then he lifted his hands and closed his eyes. "Dear God, I am so happy to have had the privilege of meeting with Lauren today, especially on a day such as this where we are offering gifts for those who need them. You have heard her desire to confront the things that are troubling her. I ask that you bless her with strength and peace and a clear conscience, that she may overcome these challenges. God, bless us with your spirit, that we may see your hand in our lives. Amen."
"Amen," I said.
As I was leaving, Father Martin called out to me and said, "Oh, just so you know, this Friday at 7 we are having a barbecue at the Parish Center. I would love to see you there, if you're able and wanting."
Turning back, I smiled and said, "Oh, ok, thanks Father. I'll think about it."
The priest nodded, and with a smile, he sent me off.
***
I walked into the Deli at 1:00 on the dot. The customers who had arrived for the lunch rush were already cleaning up their trash and heading out. I dodged past a few of them on my way down the long, narrow path leading to the front counter. While I waited behind a couple of elderly folk who were picking which soup they wanted to pair with their Ultimate Grilled Cheese, I looked around for Trent. He hadn't sent me a picture or any way of contacting him throughout the day, so I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I figured I'd see some man half-hidden behind a newspaper, scouting me out. Maybe I watch too many movies, I thought.
"Ahem, ma'am. You're up." croaked the teenager behind the register.
"Oh, right, sorry" I replied and stepped up to the counter. "Uhh," I muttered, scanning the menu for something that looked edible. "Could I just get…" I made sure to mouth every syllable as they were words of their own.
"We have a deal—the try two combo. Sandwich and a soup for $9.99." the cashier repeated for what was probably the fiftieth time that day.
"Yes, that sounds good. I'll do the Italian sandwich and potato soup. And a drink, please."
After I paid for the food, I wandered around the tables, hoping to find someone who looked like a Trent. I was picturing a short guy, runner's build, with long brown hair, tucked somewhere neatly away in the corner. So I was not prepared when the Hulk's stunt double growled my name from a table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. He had a pale, square face that was spotted with freckles and a sinking property that comes with the lethal combination of stress and age. His hair was relatively short. Probably it was brown or auburn, but since it was slicked back, it looked almost black. And he wore what looked like janitor coveralls. There was even a cloth tag pinned to his chest which read, "Trent".
"Lauren?" He repeated.
"Yes, that's me." I said and took a seat across from him. I saw a brown tray on the table in front of him, and on the tray was a large, white soup bowl. It was empty and beginning to crust along the edges. He must have been here for some time already. "I didn't know where you'd be, so I was worried we might miss each other. I'm glad you found me though." I said while looking over Trent more thoroughly. His large hands were stretched out in front of him on the table. He wasn't wearing a ring, so he probably wasn't married. And his face, it was stern. He seemed like a no-bullshit kind of guy. Then I saw his eyes. They were sapphire blue—probably the most stunning I'd ever seen.
"We only spoke on the internet, so I hope you don't mind, but I usually run a preliminary test on anyone I meet who claims to have abilities such as yours." Trent said while reaching into his pocket and removing a device that had the size and shape of an electric razor. "All you have to do is look into it. It takes maybe five seconds. Ten at most."
"Oh, um, sure," I said reluctantly. "Do I just—" I asked while reaching for the device.
Trent clicked a button and released the cylindrical head which opened, revealing a glass circle about the size of an iris. "I'll hold it, just look into the center. A red cross should appear, then it'll take the picture."
"Okay…" I replied and did as he instructed, leaning my head forward to look into the device. Sure enough, a red cross appeared. "Is it…" was all I got out before the light turned blue and I saw a gray fog disperse and billow throughout the inside of the tube, extending for what I perceived to be miles. My jaw went slack and I couldn't breathe for maybe five seconds. Then Trent reshuttered the device and turned it over.
"Damn, 72." He said with a hint of shock. "That's the highest I've scanned to date." He looked back at me, more relaxed now, and muttered to himself. "How have you been able to function for this long? At this level, you should basically be half in, half out."
I rubbed my forehead, feeling a mixture of pain and frustration and fatigue and impatience which all poured out at once. "Listen, Trent," I said as sternly as I could, "I came here because you said you knew what was wrong with me and that you could help me. I get you have to make sure I am who I said I am, but now it's your turn to pay up. How do I know you know anything about my condition? You said my mom might still be alive. What does that even mean? I saw her die right in front of me. I want answers."
I waited for Trent to respond, but he only lifted his head. I turned around and saw a girl holding a tray of food.
"Um, hi, sorry to interrupt. I have an order 36 for Lauren."
"Oh, yes, thank you." I said. The worker placed the tray down on the table in front of me, and when I saw the food, I suddenly realized how hungry I was. Trent must have also realized this, because he folded his arms and said, "go ahead and eat. I'll explain while you do."
I wanted to protest, but my salivating mouth made other plans. "Fine," I said. I grabbed the metal spoon off the tray and started on the soup, bracing against the steaming heat of the potato chunks.
As I ate, Trent moved all of the items on his tray off to the side, then he flipped the tray over so it was raised slightly off the table. He took his cup and placed it face down in the center, then he rolled up a few of his used, blue mayonnaise packets and charted a track across the tray.
"What are you doing?" I croaked out between bites.
Trent ignored me and continued by ripping up a napkin into strips and placing them alongside the mayonnaise packets. Finally, he snapped ten toothpicks in half and stuck them in the tomb of a dozen overlayed napkins. "It's your diorama," he said at last.
"It's my what?"
"From the story you sent me. Your diorama. When I read about it, it gave me a good idea of how to explain the 'blinking'."
I pointed at the cup in the center. "Is that supposed to be a pyramid? Because I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong geometric neighborhood with that one."
"It's an analogy," he said.
"Of an analogy," I quipped back.
"Look," he picked out one of the toothpicks and held it out in front of me. "This could be a person, an animal, a crowbar—whatever you want. The point is, this diorama is a stand in for our universe. This is everything that exists, that we can see. Okay?"
"Okay,"
"Now, me," Trent placed a hand over his heart. "I'm not in the diorama. I don't exist in the universe."
"In the universe where a cup is a pyramid, or the actual universe?" I said, unable to control myself.
Trent grimaced.
"Sorry, keep going. I get it."
"Things pop into," Trent threw the toothpick back onto the tray, "or out of," he picked the toothpick back up, "our universe at will, based on forces," he patted his chest again, "that exist in other realms" he gestured to the room, "that are connected to our universe," he tapped two fingers against the tray. "These things could be objects, like, say, a toothpick, or entities, like the one you encountered yesterday. The blinking experience that you described aligns with the typical experience of a moderate Antenna. That's what I call people like us—Antennas; because we can pick up on signals others can't."
"We—you mean you see the blinking, too?"
"Yes, but not to the same extent as you. If all the blinks are gathered in a giant picture that you can see, I'm traversing the image through binoculars, maybe even a microscope, depending on where we are."
I thought about this. I guess it was possible there were other people like me out there, but since I had never met anyone, I didn't really consider the idea until now. And then for him to say my ability was somehow much stronger than his… "But," I started, "I haven't even seen that many blinks since I was a child. It's just more focused and malicious now."
"Yeah," Trent scratched his head, "that's the thing that got me really interested in you. Somehow you seem to be able to control it without gear, just by praying. And, look, that's all well and good, but I don't want to give you the false impression that I'm some kind of religious leader. I like to look for logical, scientific explanations for things. So that's the frame I'm coming at this from."
I took a sip from my drink. "That's fine," I said, "the truth is that's why I reached out to you in the first place. I wanted an explanation I could understand. An explanation that was directly related to what I'm going through."
"Then we should get along just fine."
I was scooping out the last potato that was stubbornly gliding along the bottom of the bowl when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the old man from the line shooting up from his bench and standing in army-erect form. I felt a tingling sensation tickle the back of my neck. I didn't want to turn toward him. I knew what I'd see if I did. "Trent," I whispered, trying to tip him off.
"Huh?" he grunted. Then when he saw my expression, he snuck his right hand under the table and said, "Do you see it? Is it here?"
I cocked my head to the left, signaling toward the old man that was now facing us, but Trent didn't seem to notice him: his eyes just kept scanning the entire front of the restaurant. Then I saw the old man take a step in our direction.
"Lauuurennnn, oh Lauuuurennnn, I've been looking for you, Laurenn." The old man said in a low, gravelly voice that gave the impression he was gurgling liquid tar. I turned and saw his face. It was cold and expressionless, and a butter knife was poking out of his left fist. When I met his eyes, he smiled that horrible smile."You're a slippery bitch, you know that?" He spat. "Why can't you just stay put? Don't you get tired of running from your old friend? Or have you forgotten about me?"
"Trent," I mumbled out. "Right there."
"And this guy. You think he can help you? He's only here to help himself. If that's not clear, you really are a lost little lamb."
"Quick, give me your hand," Trent instructed.
I was silent, my eyes still pinned to the old man.
"Tsk-tsk-tsk," the demon possessed senior wagged his finger at me, taking a step, then another step, shortening the distance as much as he could while I was entranced. Then, suddenly, he sprinted forward at a speed that shouldn't have been possible for a man his age.
"Trent!" I screamed.
"Lauren, give me your hand!"
I spun around and grabbed Tren'ts outstretched arm just as the old man lifted the butter knife over his head like a pickaxe. Then I saw Trent pull out what looked like a toy gun from under the table and point it at the demon.
"Got you," Trent remarked. I braced for a gunshot, but there was no noise. After a couple seconds, I looked back and saw the old man sitting in the booth opposite his wife, his hand tremoring as he reached for his large drink.
"What did you?" I asked, but Trent was already pulling me out of my seat. "Come on, we have to go," he said, "the effect is temporary, he'll be—"
Before he could get out the last word, I saw the cup-pyramid on Trent's tray blink out of existence. The sound of a plate shattering rang out from a table up ahead. The lone woman standing there slowly turned around, smiling, with a fork in one hand and a piece of the broken plate in the other. Trent shot her with the toy gun as we ran past and then barreled through the front door.
"Where—are we going?" I asked between gasps.
"My van. It's loaded with kit."
"And then where?"
"Your house" replied Trent who stashed his gun back in his pocket and took out a key fob.
"My house? But that's where he—it appeared."
"Yeah, and that's where you banished it."
Trent waved me into the passenger seat of his RAM 3500 Promaster. I noticed right away the dash which looked more like it belonged in a new limited-edition EV than a cargo van. The ignition kicked on automatically, and I heard the beep of a sonar ping precede an English woman's voice calling out like some auxed-in GPS saying, "scanning for anomalies". Trent shifted the van into gear, and I heard the wheels sputter as we accelerated backward and whipped out of the small parking lot.
"What's your address?" Trent asked. I gave it to him, and then speaking to his dash, he said, "Car, take us to ****."
"Redirecting to ****," replied the British woman. "Currently detecting 31 novel emergences. Updating pings every 300 milliseconds. Chance of contact: 0.23%"
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"The van has sensor equipment which can detect blinks. It's much more accurate than either of us."
"And it sees 31?"
"Yes, that's not as many as it sounds." Trent said and tore past a car that blinked out of existence right as we turned onto the main street.
We drove on for another couple minutes, the Englishwoman updating the number of novel emergences every ten seconds or so. Her constant babbling eventually became a comforting background noise, and I was able to think again.
"In the message you sent me, you said my mom may still be alive." I looked at Trent to see if he would react to me bringing her up, but he remained stolid. "What did you mean by that?"
Trent thumbed his steering wheel. "I shouldn't have sent that." He said at last.
"Shouldn't have… What do you mean? You can't just say that now."
Trent took one hand off the wheel and turned toward me. "Look, we're going back to your house because we need to determine your origin point. All Antennas have them. It's a place of high energy where many realms intersect, kind of like a station, and it's the place where you first acquired your abilities. Based on everything you wrote, I'm guessing that place is where the forest where the accident happened when you were a young child. But I need to confirm it. Once I confirm that that's the place…" Trent hesitated.
"Then… what? You want us to go back there? To the place where my mom died, or at least where I think she died until you told me she might be alive but are now taking it back? That place?"
"It's the only way to—"
"Now detecting novel agent," the Englishwoman interrupted. We both perked up as she gave another update. "Net anomalies: 437. Novel Agents: 1. Chance of contact: 78%."
"Shit," Trent muttered. "Car, course correct."
"Attempting course correct to avoid collision. Attempts made: 10, 50, 75, 79… No alternate route detected. Chance of contact: 96%."
"Time until contact?"
"Time until contact: 13 seconds."
I shuddered. Looking out the front windshield, I saw cars pop out of existence left and right, opening up a clear path to the four way intersection ahead. In a blink, the streetlights all turned green, and then they vanished completely. It was as if the entire world was being stripped down bare, and all that remained was the road, boxed in by the rows of buildings along either side. In the distance I could see a large tanker barreling toward us.
"Trent,"
"I know," he replied and clicked a different button on the console which opened a new toggle for the shifter labeled "TD". He pushed the stick forward, engaging the new mode, then pressed the accelerator all the way to the ground. "You're going to want to hold on."
"What are you doing!?" I yelled, grabbing onto my seatbelt.
"No time to explain. Car, release phase lock."
"Phase lock released."
I watched in horror as the color drained from the road and buildings and sky, transforming it all into a dim tunnel, with only the headlights of the oncoming semi-truck visible up ahead. I had the sudden thought that this was all a dream, just like the ones from my childhood. I looked over and no longer saw Trent, but my mother. And then I realized this wasn't a dream. This was hell. I was being forced to relive the worst moment of my life, over and over again. Just when I thought I had escaped, I was pulled right back into that car, helpless as we approached but never arrived at our impending fate. I closed my eyes right as the lights engulfed the windshield and braced for the usual pain in my chest, for the feeling of breaking.
But it didn't come.
"Shift" was the last word out of Trent's mouth, and then I was infused with the sensation of being at the pinnacle of a roller coaster. I was suspended there for what felt like hours, but somehow I knew that not even a second had passed. Everything inside the van: the dashboard, windows, ceiling, doors, even Trent himself began to radiate enigmatic particles. They were a mass of constant motion, like raindrops falling through the air but never landing. I looked down at my hand, but it was gone. Diffused into an unknowable number of untraceable particles. The world outside, once devoid of color, was now nothing but color. When I tried to focus on a particular spot in the infinite geometric folds of whatever realm we were traversing through, I could sometimes detect a trace of our world.
The old lady from the church. She appeared as if through a window, standing behind a table, holding out a plant. Only this image was so much brighter. And the plant she was holding was pure gold. Then I'd catch a glimpse of the razor blade. It was large, many hundreds of times larger than the van, and surrounded by darkness. These ghostly images appeared like holograms or reflections that caught the light at just the right angle, then dissipated.
I stayed there, looping between the archetypes of my life for a long, long time.
***
I knew we were returning when I felt the first sense of motion. Breath filled my lungs for the first time in what felt like a day. I blinked. And then we were back in town, driving down the same road with the blue sky above. People were jogging on the sidewalk past the little street shops. The streetlights were active. I checked the side mirror and saw the tanker had just passed by.
I looked over at Trent, who met my eyes. We shared a look of knowing, and unknowing. For some reason, that was enough, and we continued on in silence.
***
We agreed to stay the night at my house.
Trent had parked a couple blocks away in front of a couple vacant houses so as not to arouse suspicion from the neighbors. Then he lugged a large duffel bag with his equipment in and set it up in the living room. He scanned the scrapbook which contained the newspaper clippings from the accident several times and confirmed that was likely my 'origin point'. I simply nodded and then went back out onto the back porch. I sat there for hours, basking in the sun. Something had changed in the past day, but I couldn't pick out what it was. Too much had happened. I had too little time to process any of it.
When the sun set, I went inside and Trent told me about his plans for the next couple days. He said he needed to run a few errands in the morning, then meet up with a couple of his associates. After that, we could begin our drive to Southern Illinois. He said it was likely that the entity that was chasing me had first tied itself to me during my childhood accident. For whatever reason, we came into contact, and now it didn't want to leave. Trent would help me get rid of it. He didn't go into many details regarding how that was to happen, but I don't think in my tired state I would have been able to understand much anyway. He had a plan, and that was enough for me. At least for a while.
After our meeting, I made sure Trent had enough pillows and blankets like a proper host, then I retired to my room. I laid down on my twin bed and stared up at the cream-colored ceiling. Then I turned and saw the participation awards for my junior soccer league stashed on my dresser. I pictured myself on the field, running with the ball, out ahead of everyone except the goalie. I took a shot, but it was blocked. Then I ran back to defend. How can such a simple game be so much fun? Was the last thought I had before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up only once during the night. It was still dark out. The room was warm despite the small, flower petal fan churning away, shifting the hot, humid air from one pocket of the room to the next. I waited in apprehension, sensing that something had disturbed me. I saw the tomato plushie peeking out at me from the slightly ajar closet door where I had stashed it so many years ago. I felt like I was missing something. Something important.
And then I heard it.
There was a tapping at my window.

Part 1
First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and support from the last post. A lot has happened since then, and a bunch of context is needed, so I hope you'll bear with me as I explain the details.
***
Back during the peak of the blinking crisis, I remember having a lot of difficulty sleeping. It was common for me to average only four or five hours a night, and the little sleep I did get was marred by terrible nightmares. One in particular recurred many times.
I was only eight, but somehow I was in the driver's seat of our family's old SUV. My arms were long enough to steady the wheel, but my legs didn't quite meet the pedals. It didn't matter though, since the car seemed content to continue on at a constant pace. I looked over and saw my mom in the passenger seat. Her face was a blurry likeness pieced together from the dozen or so picture's I'd seen of her over the years. I tried to bring her into focus, not only because I missed her dearly, but because she was speaking—pleading, even. She waved frantically at me, then brought her leg up and slammed it down on the floor mat several times. I didn't understand what had her so upset until she pointed out the front windshield, and I saw we were hurdling directly toward a giant tree that had fallen in the middle of the road.
Panicking, I stomped for the brake, but my seatbelt protested and pulled me back like an invigorated dog on a short leash. I sat up and tried clicking it off, but it wouldn't budge. My breaths became hollow cries, and I felt my heart beat against the bars of its bony prison. I grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it to the left, then right, attempting to swerve off the road, but it was as if whatever kind of glue was locking up the seatbelt was also fixing the steering wheel in place.
"Mom! what do I do!?" I yelled, tears streaming from my eyes. She was yelling back at me, but it was as if there was a divider between us, and neither of us could hear each other. I turned back just in time to see the giant Oak tree meet the front bumper, and then I jolted awake with a piercing pain in my chest that radiated up through my throat in the form of a giant scream. My little legs kicked under the covers and tears rained down on my pillow until my dad ran in and knelt at my bed.
"Lauren, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"
I grabbed my pillow and hugged it so my face was covered, then effused a "Mmm-hmm" in a long wheeze while rocking to either side.
"Oh, honey," he soothed and brushed my hair, then the tears from my face when I would allow it.
Time would pass in silence, and when I began to get the sense that my dad was ready to leave, I'd chirp out, "stay" in that way children do when they're embarrassed about wanting something.
"Always," my dad would reply; then he'd post up on the floor with my large tomato plushie as a pillow.
One night in particular, it was deep in the night, and I had woken to a tapping sound outside my window. I was so afraid that a monster had snuck into my room while I wasn't looking that I made him lay next to me and face outward. I'd peek my eyes open every minute or so to check and make sure my dad was there, staking out the room. Eventually, he rolled in close and said something that I still remember to this day.
"Hey, baby, guess what." he whispered.
"Mmm" I mumbled.
"I think you scared the monster away."
I tried to picture this through the fog of my fatigue. Something seemed off about the statement, like it wasn't logically possible, but before I could piece together the words to express that, my dad cut back in.
"It was scared because it realized you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is?"
I shook my head, making sure to rub my forehead against his shoulder so he could sense it in the dark room.
"You're greatest power is that you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them. And there's all kinds of stories. Happy ones. Sad ones. Scary ones. Tell me, this monster you think snuck in, would you say he's part of a scary story?"
"I don't know," I said, confused. "Maybe"
"Hmm," he hummed, contemplating. "Well, I want you to remember this. You have the ability to tell any kind of story you want. Maybe there are monsters, but that means there's heroes and angels, too, right?"
I was beginning to doze off to the comforting sound of my dad's deep voice, but I gave another affirmative "Mm-hmm".
"So, if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story. A story that will bring you peace. Do you understand?"
But I was already out.
***
I woke up the next morning to the feeling that someone was in the hotel room with me. The drapes were drawn and the only sound was the AC unit blowing cold air, but when I looked toward the dark corner of the empty coat rack, my mind conjured the face of my dad, smiling at me, chanting that same, awful line—Oh, Lauren… you know who we are.
I was no longer a child, but it took a couple minutes of cold focus before I muscled the courage to ascend from the safety of my covers and flick on the lamp light. The small amber radius extended to where my dad's feet would have been if he was standing there. But there was no one. I let out a sigh and collapsed back onto the mattress, thinking back on all those years growing up. The same man who had helped me conquer my fear of the dark was now the monster hiding in its shadow.
I looked over my shoulder and saw the clock read 10:15. My meeting with Trent was in three hours. I moaned and stretched my arms back until they knocked against the headboard, then I collapsed back onto the mattress, meditating, gathering energy like a compressed spring. All at once, I jumped up and glided over to the drapes, opening them in a single, fluid motion. I grimaced at the sunlight, but the warmth felt good against my face. I stopped by the nightstand and gulped down the final few swigs of a bottle of Mello Yello that I had purchased from a vending machine the previous night, then undressed and hopped in the shower.
The warm water wasn't enough to wash away the previous night's memories. When I closed my eyes to lather my hair, I was back in my living room, standing opposite the demon that had taken on my dad's form. His smile. His laugh. It was like someone in my head was flipping a switch between the man I loved growing up and a terrible monster. But the fear was more powerful. I heard something drop onto the tile floor on the other side of the curtain. The noise made me gasp, and I opened my eyes while shampoo was still streaming down my face. I swiped the shampoo out of my now burning eyes and squinted at the curtain, trying to see through it, but I couldn't make anything out. "I-is anyone," I started, trembling, afraid to finish the sentence. I reached out and pinched the end of the curtain. My heart was in overdrive. I swallowed, then pulled it toward me and peeked out. I scanned the room, but I couldn't see anything out of place.
It wasn't until after I finished showering and wound myself up in one of the hotel's too-small towels that I saw what had made the noise. I bent down and picked up the stub of a razor blade that had fallen onto the tile right next to the puffy, gray shower rug. It wasn't mine, and I was pretty sure hotels didn't keep unguarded razor blades just laying around. When I held it up, it occurred to me that if it had simply fallen a few inches to the left, it would have been buried in the rug, and perhaps I would have stepped on it. I stared at myself in its steely reflection. Cold. Lonely. Small. What if I—was all I was able to think before the blade blinked out of my hand.
I threw on some clothes, packed up the few belongings I had into my purse, then checked out of my room. I didn't feel safe going back home after what happened, but I also didn't want to go anywhere else. I got in my car and drove aimlessly up and down the town's streets, focusing only on the car ahead of me. Anytime I started to travel down an avenue of thought, I'd make a turn, or speed up, or hit the brakes: anything to keep my mind distracted. It was sweltering outside, but I'd turn the heat on for minutes at a time until I felt drenched, then toggle max AC until I was cool, then back to heat. I repeated the basic driving tenet "10 and 2", "10 and 2", "10 and 2" like a mantra—a chant to focus my attention on a single point, and then I pictured that point disappearing. I began to think that maybe I wanted to disappear.
I fully intended to keep going that way until 1:00, but after about thirty minutes, my meandering route had led me to St. Mark's Catholic Church, where a large group of people were gathered around a long line of tables in front of the building. I slowed down. At the front of the venue was a large, white cardboard sign which read, "Plant a Seed, Share the Joy". I wasn't sure what that meant, but my boredom had come to a head, and I rationalized that if there's any place on God's green earth that would be safe, it was this one. I parked along the closest side-street, then walked over to the church.
Rows of white tables were covered with cardboard boxes filled with small plants that were wrapped up in individual paper pots. I watched from a distance as people behind the tables carefully removed the plants, one by one, and offered them to passersby. I continued down the line, a sheep in the herd, and allowed myself to sink into childhood memories. I had somehow made it out the other end near the Narthex when I heard a woman's voice call to me.
"Hey, deary, have you gotten one yet?"
I turned and saw a small, gray-haired lady with rose-colored glasses. "Oh, no," I started, attempting to decline, then paused. The old lady grabbed one of the plants and held it out for me.
"Here," she said. "Come on, I won't bite."
As far as you know, I thought, and stumbled forward with a sigh. "Thanks," I said and took the plant. "What is this all for, anyway?"
"It's a giveaway," the old woman responded. "Staff have been growing these plants—tomatoes and garlic, mainly—so they could offer them to members of the Parish. The idea is to have the members grow the produce, then donate it to St. Mark's Food Pantry to give to those in need."
"Oh, that's actually pretty cool." I replied and inspected my plant which was at present nothing more than a small green stem. "So which kind is this one?"
"That one is—" the old lady stopped and inspected the other plants near where she had grabbed mine—"tomato."
"Tomato," I repeated. "Well, thanks again."
"Of course, dear." the old lady beamed. "We're all responsible for each other."
I nodded, then continued back through the crowd toward my car when, through the large vestibule windows, I saw a Priest speaking to a young couple. It had been a little over a decade since I had attended a service (I stopped going during High School when I started studying other religions), and I didn't recognize this Priest. He was short (just over five feet tall), bald, and African American. He wore the customary black robe and white collar, and there was something in his smile and the way seemed to be affirming the couple that made me yearn to speak with him. I considered for a moment, a bit embarrassed to be stepping back into church after all this time, but the thought of being able to burn ten minutes talking with someone who might have some insight into my situation was too tempting to pass up.
I waited near a portrait of Mary Magdalene, my tomato plant in hand, staring off at the pristine series of stained glass images portraying the death and resurrection of Jesus. About a minute in, the Priest met my eyes; he smiled, his way of telling me he knew I was waiting, then finished up with the couple and made his way over. He had a bit of an accent when he spoke—it was Ugandan, from best I could tell—and a proclivity for laughing at the end of his sentences.
"Hello, Miss, I don't believe I've had the privilege," he said and held out his hand. He leaned in as he spoke, and his smile tugged on the corners of his eyes which were already marked with use.
I shook his hand and returned what I'm sure was a weak smile. "No, I don't think so. My name's Lauren. I used to come here when I was little. It's—been a while."
"Well, I see you picked a good day to visit. If you're into gardening, that is." He remarked with a laugh and gestured toward the plant. "It's nice to meet you, Lauren. My name's Martin—Father Martin, if you prefer."
"Father Martin," I repeated, "I have a friend named Martin. It's a good name."
He laughed and said, "Thank you, I'll pass that one along to my mother. She loves the praise."
I laughed back. He carried himself in such a carefree way that I was put immediately at ease. Almost to the point where I forgot what I wanted to talk to him about. "Um," I started, attempting to word my question in a way that didn't sound like I needed psychiatric help. "I have a couple of religious questions for you, if you have time."
"That's what I'm for. Ask away."
"They're about… miracles. Like the ones in the Bible. I was wondering, do you think that miracles still happen today?"
"Miracles, huh," he started. "You mean like water into wine?"
"Kind of, yeah,"
"Hmm…" he contemplated. "Well, I haven't seen them, myself. You know, I may be a Priest, but I also have a degree in Physics. I think God made the world according to laws, right? But I do think God has the power to intervene. Yes. I just have never seen it… like … you know, the biblical type of miracles. To me, there are miracles happening all around us—miracles we can't see."
"Exactly," I responded, thinking about how no one else could see the blinks, "those kinds of miracles. What are those miracles we can't see?"
One of Father Martin's eyebrows raised and he rubbed his chin. "Well, I think the greatest miracle is the miracle of God's love which was perfected in Christ and offered to each of us. It's his power to heal even the most troubled mind. By coming into alignment with God's will for us, we can see the true purpose of this existence."
No, he's not getting it, I thought. I scrambled to my other entry-point. "What about the story of Job? God made a bet with the Devil that Job would stay faithful to him no matter what the Devil did to him. Do you think that kind of situation is possible?"
Father Martin's expression drooped into a concerned frown. "There's quite the difference between miracles and the story of Job. I suppose I see what you're getting at, though. Job's suffering is in some ways the antithesis to positive miracles. In this life, we are tested, sometimes to the point of losing everything, but even that person who has more reason to hate God than anyone else can once again find peace and eternal happiness through faith. In fact, it's often the person who is lowest in the pit of suffering that needs the Light of Christ more than anyone else."
I thought back on the first night that I prayed. It was in my moment of greatest helplessness that I reached out to God, and I thought I had found my answer in Him. But now, after what happened last night, after all these years of chaos—not merely losing things that were important to me, but my very sanity—I needed more than just blind faith. I couldn't just sit idly by and hope things would get better. I smiled at the Priest and said, "Thank you, Father, this has been very insightful."
"Of course, sister. I'm sorry if I couldn't have been of more help."
"No, I think I understand now. I've been… wrestling with something, and I think God wants me to confront it. I think I've been running away and hiding from it for so long that I'd convinced myself it disappeared."
Father Martin nodded in understanding. "Well, in that case, will you let me leave you with a prayer?"
I was a bit taken off guard by the request, but I accepted. "Sure, Father."
I watched as he made the sign of the cross, then he lifted his hands and closed his eyes. "Dear God, I am so happy to have had the privilege of meeting with Lauren today, especially on a day such as this where we are offering gifts for those who need them. You have heard her desire to confront the things that are troubling her. I ask that you bless her with strength and peace and a clear conscience, that she may overcome these challenges. God, bless us with your spirit, that we may see your hand in our lives. Amen."
"Amen," I said.
As I was leaving, Father Martin called out to me and said, "Oh, just so you know, this Friday at 7 we are having a barbecue at the Parish Center. I would love to see you there, if you're able and wanting."
Turning back, I smiled and said, "Oh, ok, thanks Father. I'll think about it."
The priest nodded, and with a smile, he sent me off.
***
I walked into the Deli at 1:00 on the dot. The customers who had arrived for the lunch rush were already cleaning up their trash and heading out. I dodged past a few of them on my way down the long, narrow path leading to the front counter. While I waited behind a couple of elderly folk who were picking which soup they wanted to pair with their Ultimate Grilled Cheese, I looked around for Trent. He hadn't sent me a picture or any way of contacting him throughout the day, so I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I figured I'd see some man half-hidden behind a newspaper, scouting me out. Maybe I watch too many movies, I thought.
"Ahem, ma'am. You're up." croaked the teenager behind the register.
"Oh, right, sorry" I replied and stepped up to the counter. "Uhh," I muttered, scanning the menu for something that looked edible. "Could I just get…" I made sure to mouth every syllable as they were words of their own.
"We have a deal—the try two combo. Sandwich and a soup for $9.99." the cashier repeated for what was probably the fiftieth time that day.
"Yes, that sounds good. I'll do the Italian sandwich and potato soup. And a drink, please."
After I paid for the food, I wandered around the tables, hoping to find someone who looked like a Trent. I was picturing a short guy, runner's build, with long brown hair, tucked somewhere neatly away in the corner. So I was not prepared when the Hulk's stunt double growled my name from a table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. He had a pale, square face that was spotted with freckles and a sinking property that comes with the lethal combination of stress and age. His hair was relatively short. Probably it was brown or auburn, but since it was slicked back, it looked almost black. And he wore what looked like janitor coveralls. There was even a cloth tag pinned to his chest which read, "Trent".
"Lauren?" He repeated.
"Yes, that's me." I said and took a seat across from him. I saw a brown tray on the table in front of him, and on the tray was a large, white soup bowl. It was empty and beginning to crust along the edges. He must have been here for some time already. "I didn't know where you'd be, so I was worried we might miss each other. I'm glad you found me though." I said while looking over Trent more thoroughly. His large hands were stretched out in front of him on the table. He wasn't wearing a ring, so he probably wasn't married. And his face, it was stern. He seemed like a no-bullshit kind of guy. Then I saw his eyes. They were sapphire blue—probably the most stunning I'd ever seen.
"We only spoke on the internet, so I hope you don't mind, but I usually run a preliminary test on anyone I meet who claims to have abilities such as yours." Trent said while reaching into his pocket and removing a device that had the size and shape of an electric razor. "All you have to do is look into it. It takes maybe five seconds. Ten at most."
"Oh, um, sure," I said reluctantly. "Do I just—" I asked while reaching for the device.
Trent clicked a button and released the cylindrical head which opened, revealing a glass circle about the size of an iris. "I'll hold it, just look into the center. A red cross should appear, then it'll take the picture."
"Okay…" I replied and did as he instructed, leaning my head forward to look into the device. Sure enough, a red cross appeared. "Is it…" was all I got out before the light turned blue and I saw a gray fog disperse and billow throughout the inside of the tube, extending for what I perceived to be miles. My jaw went slack and I couldn't breathe for maybe five seconds. Then Trent reshuttered the device and turned it over.
"Damn, 72." He said with a hint of shock. "That's the highest I've scanned to date." He looked back at me, more relaxed now, and muttered to himself. "How have you been able to function for this long? At this level, you should basically be half in, half out."
I rubbed my forehead, feeling a mixture of pain and frustration and fatigue and impatience which all poured out at once. "Listen, Trent," I said as sternly as I could, "I came here because you said you knew what was wrong with me and that you could help me. I get you have to make sure I am who I said I am, but now it's your turn to pay up. How do I know you know anything about my condition? You said my mom might still be alive. What does that even mean? I saw her die right in front of me. I want answers."
I waited for Trent to respond, but he only lifted his head. I turned around and saw a girl holding a tray of food.
"Um, hi, sorry to interrupt. I have an order 36 for Lauren."
"Oh, yes, thank you." I said. The worker placed the tray down on the table in front of me, and when I saw the food, I suddenly realized how hungry I was. Trent must have also realized this, because he folded his arms and said, "go ahead and eat. I'll explain while you do."
I wanted to protest, but my salivating mouth made other plans. "Fine," I said. I grabbed the metal spoon off the tray and started on the soup, bracing against the steaming heat of the potato chunks.
As I ate, Trent moved all of the items on his tray off to the side, then he flipped the tray over so it was raised slightly off the table. He took his cup and placed it face down in the center, then he rolled up a few of his used, blue mayonnaise packets and charted a track across the tray.
"What are you doing?" I croaked out between bites.
Trent ignored me and continued by ripping up a napkin into strips and placing them alongside the mayonnaise packets. Finally, he snapped ten toothpicks in half and stuck them in the tomb of a dozen overlayed napkins. "It's your diorama," he said at last.
"It's my what?"
"From the story you sent me. Your diorama. When I read about it, it gave me a good idea of how to explain the 'blinking'."
I pointed at the cup in the center. "Is that supposed to be a pyramid? Because I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong geometric neighborhood with that one."
"It's an analogy," he said.
"Of an analogy," I quipped back.
"Look," he picked out one of the toothpicks and held it out in front of me. "This could be a person, an animal, a crowbar—whatever you want. The point is, this diorama is a stand in for our universe. This is everything that exists, that we can see. Okay?"
"Okay,"
"Now, me," Trent placed a hand over his heart. "I'm not in the diorama. I don't exist in the universe."
"In the universe where a cup is a pyramid, or the actual universe?" I said, unable to control myself.
Trent grimaced.
"Sorry, keep going. I get it."
"Things pop into," Trent threw the toothpick back onto the tray, "or out of," he picked the toothpick back up, "our universe at will, based on forces," he patted his chest again, "that exist in other realms" he gestured to the room, "that are connected to our universe," he tapped two fingers against the tray. "These things could be objects, like, say, a toothpick, or entities, like the one you encountered yesterday. The blinking experience that you described aligns with the typical experience of a moderate Antenna. That's what I call people like us—Antennas; because we can pick up on signals others can't."
"We—you mean you see the blinking, too?"
"Yes, but not to the same extent as you. If all the blinks are gathered in a giant picture that you can see, I'm traversing the image through binoculars, maybe even a microscope, depending on where we are."
I thought about this. I guess it was possible there were other people like me out there, but since I had never met anyone, I didn't really consider the idea until now. And then for him to say my ability was somehow much stronger than his… "But," I started, "I haven't even seen that many blinks since I was a child. It's just more focused and malicious now."
"Yeah," Trent scratched his head, "that's the thing that got me really interested in you. Somehow you seem to be able to control it without gear, just by praying. And, look, that's all well and good, but I don't want to give you the false impression that I'm some kind of religious leader. I like to look for logical, scientific explanations for things. So that's the frame I'm coming at this from."
I took a sip from my drink. "That's fine," I said, "the truth is that's why I reached out to you in the first place. I wanted an explanation I could understand. An explanation that was directly related to what I'm going through."
"Then we should get along just fine."
I was scooping out the last potato that was stubbornly gliding along the bottom of the bowl when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the old man from the line shooting up from his bench and standing in army-erect form. I felt a tingling sensation tickle the back of my neck. I didn't want to turn toward him. I knew what I'd see if I did. "Trent," I whispered, trying to tip him off.
"Huh?" he grunted. Then when he saw my expression, he snuck his right hand under the table and said, "Do you see it? Is it here?"
I cocked my head to the left, signaling toward the old man that was now facing us, but Trent didn't seem to notice him: his eyes just kept scanning the entire front of the restaurant. Then I saw the old man take a step in our direction.
"Lauuurennnn, oh Lauuuurennnn, I've been looking for you, Laurenn." The old man said in a low, gravelly voice that gave the impression he was gurgling liquid tar. I turned and saw his face. It was cold and expressionless, and a butter knife was poking out of his left fist. When I met his eyes, he smiled that horrible smile."You're a slippery bitch, you know that?" He spat. "Why can't you just stay put? Don't you get tired of running from your old friend? Or have you forgotten about me?"
"Trent," I mumbled out. "Right there."
"And this guy. You think he can help you? He's only here to help himself. If that's not clear, you really are a lost little lamb."
"Quick, give me your hand," Trent instructed.
I was silent, my eyes still pinned to the old man.
"Tsk-tsk-tsk," the demon possessed senior wagged his finger at me, taking a step, then another step, shortening the distance as much as he could while I was entranced. Then, suddenly, he sprinted forward at a speed that shouldn't have been possible for a man his age.
"Trent!" I screamed.
"Lauren, give me your hand!"
I spun around and grabbed Tren'ts outstretched arm just as the old man lifted the butter knife over his head like a pickaxe. Then I saw Trent pull out what looked like a toy gun from under the table and point it at the demon.
"Got you," Trent remarked. I braced for a gunshot, but there was no noise. After a couple seconds, I looked back and saw the old man sitting in the booth opposite his wife, his hand tremoring as he reached for his large drink.
"What did you?" I asked, but Trent was already pulling me out of my seat. "Come on, we have to go," he said, "the effect is temporary, he'll be—"
Before he could get out the last word, I saw the cup-pyramid on Trent's tray blink out of existence. The sound of a plate shattering rang out from a table up ahead. The lone woman standing there slowly turned around, smiling, with a fork in one hand and a piece of the broken plate in the other. Trent shot her with the toy gun as we ran past and then barreled through the front door.
"Where—are we going?" I asked between gasps.
"My van. It's loaded with kit."
"And then where?"
"Your house" replied Trent who stashed his gun back in his pocket and took out a key fob.
"My house? But that's where he—it appeared."
"Yeah, and that's where you banished it."
Trent waved me into the passenger seat of his RAM 3500 Promaster. I noticed right away the dash which looked more like it belonged in a new limited-edition EV than a cargo van. The ignition kicked on automatically, and I heard the beep of a sonar ping precede an English woman's voice calling out like some auxed-in GPS saying, "scanning for anomalies". Trent shifted the van into gear, and I heard the wheels sputter as we accelerated backward and whipped out of the small parking lot.
"What's your address?" Trent asked. I gave it to him, and then speaking to his dash, he said, "Car, take us to ****."
"Redirecting to ****," replied the British woman. "Currently detecting 31 novel emergences. Updating pings every 300 milliseconds. Chance of contact: 0.23%"
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"The van has sensor equipment which can detect blinks. It's much more accurate than either of us."
"And it sees 31?"
"Yes, that's not as many as it sounds." Trent said and tore past a car that blinked out of existence right as we turned onto the main street.
We drove on for another couple minutes, the Englishwoman updating the number of novel emergences every ten seconds or so. Her constant babbling eventually became a comforting background noise, and I was able to think again.
"In the message you sent me, you said my mom may still be alive." I looked at Trent to see if he would react to me bringing her up, but he remained stolid. "What did you mean by that?"
Trent thumbed his steering wheel. "I shouldn't have sent that." He said at last.
"Shouldn't have… What do you mean? You can't just say that now."
Trent took one hand off the wheel and turned toward me. "Look, we're going back to your house because we need to determine your origin point. All Antennas have them. It's a place of high energy where many realms intersect, kind of like a station, and it's the place where you first acquired your abilities. Based on everything you wrote, I'm guessing that place is where the forest where the accident happened when you were a young child. But I need to confirm it. Once I confirm that that's the place…" Trent hesitated.
"Then… what? You want us to go back there? To the place where my mom died, or at least where I think she died until you told me she might be alive but are now taking it back? That place?"
"It's the only way to—"
"Now detecting novel agent," the Englishwoman interrupted. We both perked up as she gave another update. "Net anomalies: 437. Novel Agents: 1. Chance of contact: 78%."
"Shit," Trent muttered. "Car, course correct."
"Attempting course correct to avoid collision. Attempts made: 10, 50, 75, 79… No alternate route detected. Chance of contact: 96%."
"Time until contact?"
"Time until contact: 13 seconds."
I shuddered. Looking out the front windshield, I saw cars pop out of existence left and right, opening up a clear path to the four way intersection ahead. In a blink, the streetlights all turned green, and then they vanished completely. It was as if the entire world was being stripped down bare, and all that remained was the road, boxed in by the rows of buildings along either side. In the distance I could see a large tanker barreling toward us.
"Trent,"
"I know," he replied and clicked a different button on the console which opened a new toggle for the shifter labeled "TD". He pushed the stick forward, engaging the new mode, then pressed the accelerator all the way to the ground. "You're going to want to hold on."
"What are you doing!?" I yelled, grabbing onto my seatbelt.
"No time to explain. Car, release phase lock."
"Phase lock released."
I watched in horror as the color drained from the road and buildings and sky, transforming it all into a dim tunnel, with only the headlights of the oncoming semi-truck visible up ahead. I had the sudden thought that this was all a dream, just like the ones from my childhood. I looked over and no longer saw Trent, but my mother. And then I realized this wasn't a dream. This was hell. I was being forced to relive the worst moment of my life, over and over again. Just when I thought I had escaped, I was pulled right back into that car, helpless as we approached but never arrived at our impending fate. I closed my eyes right as the lights engulfed the windshield and braced for the usual pain in my chest, for the feeling of breaking.
But it didn't come.
"Shift" was the last word out of Trent's mouth, and then I was infused with the sensation of being at the pinnacle of a roller coaster. I was suspended there for what felt like hours, but somehow I knew that not even a second had passed. Everything inside the van: the dashboard, windows, ceiling, doors, even Trent himself began to radiate enigmatic particles. They were a mass of constant motion, like raindrops falling through the air but never landing. I looked down at my hand, but it was gone. Diffused into an unknowable number of untraceable particles. The world outside, once devoid of color, was now nothing but color. When I tried to focus on a particular spot in the infinite geometric folds of whatever realm we were traversing through, I could sometimes detect a trace of our world.
The old lady from the church. She appeared as if through a window, standing behind a table, holding out a plant. Only this image was so much brighter. And the plant she was holding was pure gold. Then I'd catch a glimpse of the razor blade. It was large, many hundreds of times larger than the van, and surrounded by darkness. These ghostly images appeared like holograms or reflections that caught the light at just the right angle, then dissipated.
I stayed there, looping between the archetypes of my life for a long, long time.
***
I knew we were returning when I felt the first sense of motion. Breath filled my lungs for the first time in what felt like a day. I blinked. And then we were back in town, driving down the same road with the blue sky above. People were jogging on the sidewalk past the little street shops. The streetlights were active. I checked the side mirror and saw the tanker had just passed by.
I looked over at Trent, who met my eyes. We shared a look of knowing, and unknowing. For some reason, that was enough, and we continued on in silence.
***
We agreed to stay the night at my house.
Trent had parked a couple blocks away in front of a couple vacant houses so as not to arouse suspicion from the neighbors. Then he lugged a large duffel bag with his equipment in and set it up in the living room. He scanned the scrapbook which contained the newspaper clippings from the accident several times and confirmed that was likely my 'origin point'. I simply nodded and then went back out onto the back porch. I sat there for hours, basking in the sun. Something had changed in the past day, but I couldn't pick out what it was. Too much had happened. I had too little time to process any of it.
When the sun set, I went inside and Trent told me about his plans for the next couple days. He said he needed to run a few errands in the morning, then meet up with a couple of his associates. After that, we could begin our drive to Southern Illinois. He said it was likely that the entity that was chasing me had first tied itself to me during my childhood accident. For whatever reason, we came into contact, and now it didn't want to leave. Trent would help me get rid of it. He didn't go into many details regarding how that was to happen, but I don't think in my tired state I would have been able to understand much anyway. He had a plan, and that was enough for me. At least for a while.
After our meeting, I made sure Trent had enough pillows and blankets like a proper host, then I retired to my room. I laid down on my twin bed and stared up at the cream-colored ceiling. Then I turned and saw the participation awards for my junior soccer league stashed on my dresser. I pictured myself on the field, running with the ball, out ahead of everyone except the goalie. I took a shot, but it was blocked. Then I ran back to defend. How can such a simple game be so much fun? Was the last thought I had before drifting off to sleep.
I woke up only once during the night. It was still dark out. The room was warm despite the small, flower petal fan churning away, shifting the hot, humid air from one pocket of the room to the next. I waited in apprehension, sensing that something had disturbed me. I saw the tomato plushie peeking out at me from the slightly ajar closet door where I had stashed it so many years ago. I felt like I was missing something. Something important.
And then I heard it.
There was a tapping at my window.

I swear to God Almighty the team mates I get are just the worst.
From Loba's who don't know what a Fucking syringe is while IN the zone, to the stupid fucking Fuse i played with.
Yesterday was horrendous for ranked, I'm not huge on grinding and not very good, but I was trying to get past Bronze 3 and was at 498, the minimum I needed was to survive a SINGLE ring closing to get Bronze 2.
My first game wasn't too bad, I got 3 kills, my other team mate got 3 kills, and the Loba got 4 kills with only 300 damage (this was prior to needing 2 rp for Bonze 2)
We got third partied while fighting another squad and me and my team mate got nocked and killed, the ring was closing and the Loba was the only one alive. I swear, the people who play this game have 2 brain cells, one for pushing a team solo and the other for rage quitting. This Loba was so fucking stupid, using her Tac in the worst possible situations and not even bothering to use a syringe once after the zone closed. I know she had at least ONE bc i dropped some for them previously. They died to zone trying to race to the Respawn Beacon with our banners, wasn't even close.
The Fuse i played with died 3 times before I did and pushed the same team after the first 2 respawns, running in the open and finished the game with 2 knocks and 400 damage, I finished with 2 kills, 3 knocks, and 950 damage.
I truly don' understand what was going through his head each time he pushed solo, I carried his ass so hard despite my skill level and he doesn't even bother to try. The last time he died he was rotating to make it to the next ring even though it wasn't even close to us or closing yet. I was healing while he ran away, he ran into another team and near instantly died, I died trying to grab his banner.
When i was finally at the point of only needing 2 Rp to rank up i proceeded to get good team mates, but they dropped hot every. single. fucking. time. We fight, get 4th partied, die. Back to the lobby and repeat, this happened for 9 games straight before I was finally jump master and dropped us somewhere without 6 squads.
Please stop dropping hot every single game, it gets old fast, give me some time to loot and prepare at the very least.

TL;DR? Go to the 3rd paragraph.
For background: I recently completed my 12th (Physical Group) and did terribly in it because I didn't attend any college for the entire year and instead opted for a 2-hour (Physics + Chemistry + Math) tuition class at the end of Tihar due to my health condition. I was all good close to the end of the 11th, but my health condition deteriorated sharply from there on. Even without attending the college for the entire year in 12th and a month or two for 11th, my college did let me take the 12th Board Exams because they didn't want me to lose a year. The good news is, my condition has got better now and I'm pretty darn sure this stupid health issue won't bother me anymore, thanks to the extensive treatment I got. So, I'm up and ready to study, I want to study abroad but I know that due to my expected low GPA, I'm not going to get any scholarships, and I can't afford the massive tuition fees of most abroad countries universities, but I still want to study abroad, so I researched a bit about countries that offer no tuition fees or nominal tuition fees, and it's European countries, I've researched a bit about them but I do have questions.
From what I know, only Germany & France & some Nordic countries have no tuition fees or nominal tuition fees and I can afford the living costs in these countries as well. So, these are my preferred destinations, but there's a big hurdle, there are extremely few to no undergraduate courses whose language of instruction is English only, it's usually completely in the native language or a mix of it and English. So, to attend most of the courses, I have to learn a foreign language. However, I did find some courses that also, fortunately, match my interest and are taught completely in English in Germany. And, since the schooling length before university is 13 years in Germany, I have to attend either a preparatory course or a university for a single year here in Nepal, I chose the latter since I'll be attending a course completely taught in English. Btw, I'll be studying Engineering Physics or Electrical Engineering.
Now, talking about the universities that I found that offer courses in English, one has ranked 200-300 above/better than Tribhuvan University, and all others have ranked far worse than TU. So, these are my questions,
1)If I somehow didn't get into the higher-ranked university, is it still worth studying a program at a German university whose rank is lower than TU? Should I choose to study in Germany or TU in that case?
2)If I did get into the higher-ranked uni, it would take me a total of 5 years to complete the bachelor, would it be worth it?
3)Are there any universities in Germany, France, or the Nordic countries with no tuition fees or nominal tuition fees that consider aptitude tests (which I'm good at) than Nepali GPA?
4)Or, should I just crack exams like IOE and study engineering in Nepal and apply abroad after my bachelor's?
If you have any important information regarding studying in Europe, then please drop it in the comments.