(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

​

I recently traveled with a cardboard bike box through Montreal Airport (YUL) with Air Canada. It was my first time doing so and I had a few doubts beforehand. So I thought I'd share my experience here in case it could help others looking for information, as I've seen people discussing this subject here.
Where to get the box?
Any bike shop:
-possibly the cheapest but also the most unreliable and time consuming
-might need to call multiple shops, sometimes inconveniently located
CL Cycle (35$)
-two bike shops in the Plateau Mont-Royal neighborhood, both about 1km away from a metro station
-apparently sell cardboard bike boxes for 35$, sometimes show as out of stock online
Gare d’autocars de Montréal (17.25$)
-Montreal’s bus station, situated downtown at Berri-UQAM metro station (easily reached by bike from central neighborhoods or by metro which accepts bikes outside of weekdays peak hours)
-the option I went for as it's both affordable and convenient
-sells bike boxes for 17.25$ through Expedibus shipping service
-just ask for a bike box at the main bus ticket counter, no need to reserve in advance, they should pretty much always have them in stock, they also provide tape
-I couldn't measure the box but it was not super long, I removed the front wheel and handlebar of my rigid 29er MTB (with an admittedly long wheelbase) and it just barely fit, some people may need to remove both wheels
-there is one hole on each side to use as handle, but they're fragile, using them to lift the bike caused as significant tear in the cardboard that I had to patch
-there’s usually plenty of space inside the bus station to work on your bike and pack it
-while there are often interesting characters hanging around the bus station, Montreal is a safe place, but still keep an eye on your valuables
-from the bus station there are regular city buses going to the airport (STM 747 line) which accept bikes and cost 11$
Montreal Airport - Safe Bag (70$)
-two kiosks at the airport, opening hours from early morning to evening
-over the phone they told me they sold cardboard bike boxes for 70$ each (which seems outrageous), and that they always have some available (no surprise)
-while the airport is easily reachable by bike, it's a much longer bike ride than to the Gare d’autocars for people staying or living closer to downtown, a long bike ride that you might want to avoid before a long flight if the weather is rainy or super hot
How to get to the airport?
747 bus from the Gare d’autocars to the airport (11$)
-costs 11$ which you can buy in person at the bus station counter when you buy your bike box, can also be bought anywhere else that sells STM tickets including the apps Chrono and Transit, can buy it as L’Occasionnelle which works as 24h day pass for public transit on Montreal Island including the airport bus
-can pay cash in the bus with coins only and the bus driver does not provide change
-the bus line runs 24h/7, multiple times per hour during the day and at least every hour at night
-leaves directly from gate 15 inside the Gare d’autocars, and then makes a few stops downtown before taking the highway to the airport
-should take 50min to an hour to get to the airport depending on traffic, construction, and, more importantly, confused passengers not knowing how to pay their ticket
-the bus accepts boxed bikes as explicitly cited by their website, but the racks are too small, you'll have to keep your box upright along the folding seats of the area reserved for handicapped people :(
-see STM website for more up-to-date info
How to fly with a bike with Air Canada?
Fixed 50$ fee no matter the destination
-you do NOT need to have a checked baggage included in your fare (for example, you can buy the cheapest economy fare type without any checked baggage, you will only have to pay 50$ for the bike, and not 50$ + whatever is the price for one checked baggage)
-before buying your flight you can call this number to see if there is room available for your bike box on a specific flight: 18882472262
-after buying your ticket, call the same number to tell them to reserve a place for your bike, if by bad luck there's no room you can always get a refund within 24h of buying your ticket -do your online check-in, available the day before your flight, indicate that you will be traveling with one bike and pay the 50$ fee
-once at the airport go to an Air Canada self check-in kiosk, click on the baggage options (I think it was called “modify baggage” even if you won't be modifying it), it should show you’re traveling with a bike, click to continue and it’ll print stickers for your bike box
-go to the oversized luggage area, they’ll ask you to open the box for them to check it and then they'll give you tape to close it
Open to hearing your experiences.
*All prices in Canadian dollars
TLDR:
Simplest reliable and affordable way to travel with a cardboard bike box to YUL is imo:
-bike/metro to Gare d’autocars
-buy 17.25$ bike box there
-take 11$ 747 bus to YUL
-pay airline-specific bike fee (50$ with Air Canada, no extra fee)

Long rant ahead and destressing too. Will delete.
It's hot here. Summer season is almost 40° minimum with 60 to 80% humidity. I have lived in this weather for almost 20 years so it doesn't bother me much but our dog is struggling. I have been begging my family to let me install an AC at home but they said they can't accept my money because I'm a child. I told them to buy it but they said it will increase the electricity bill. I said I'll pay the AC bill and repair charges but they still won't listen. I don't understand why do I have to beg them for something every single time.
My phone went into a reboot loop during COVID because it was an old hand me down samsung note 4. I needed it for online lectures so I asked my parents to get me a newer model so that they don't have to keep buying phones every 2 years. Thankfully we have a spare old Dell lappy that I got them to fix for the classes. They said no to the new phone. I had to harass/beg for 2 months straight for them to give in. When I started earning, my parents completely cut me off financially because they wanted me to focus on studies. I again compromised with them to let me earn for my own personal expenses (things like new clothes, books, paints, hygiene products etc) while maintaining my grades. My mom would emotionally blackmail me everyday saying she wants access to my bank balance and now that I'm such a rich woman (earning 15k a month), I should purchase things for the house now. I seriously don't understand her but I know she's a control freak so I have starting isolating myself from her.
I don't know what to do with my family. I'd understand their frugality if we were poor or in serious debt but we're not. My parents used my education fund to buy land during COVID because I decided to stop pursuing my masters and instead study for NEET. They don't want me to pursue neet. Post COVID, they were unable to keep the land in good shape because it often had termite issues and the house was poorly constructed to the point the roof fell in one of the rooms. They had to sell it off in the end because it was a burden. They own 12 dogs and can afford lakhs in their upkeep but can't even afford a basic AC for the house I'm in because it belongs to my grandpa. They can purchase expensive iphones in a day but it took them 2 months to buy me a phone. I feel like a secondary citizen in my own home, having to beg for basic needs like clothes, shoes, books etc. Even while going to college, my mom would give me only 200 rupees a day to manage all my needs and would ask back for any leftover money.
I stay away from them because I hate how over controlling they are. They use my financial dependence on them to get me to do things they want. I recently started trading and they want access to those accounts too. Ofcourse I said no. They're retaliating against me using the whole AC drama. I only want them to purchase it in their names because I don't own credit cards.
And incase you think I'm a very high maintenance individual asking money for expensive clothes etc. I'm not. Im asking money to buy new cheap bras and underwear. I'm asking for money to buy basic things like pen ink, books, erasers, bird food, etc. I don't like spending money on expensive things, especially for myself. I save money and I invest almost all of it into MFs and stocks because I need to fund my education by myself. Also none of the dogs belong to me, they were bought by my parents. I only own 3 fish tanks and 2 birds with my savings which occupy specific spots in my room. I use my own earnings for their upkeep and maintenance.
Do you guys have parents like these?

if everythings now built about how popular someone is or isnt or how many likes we can or cant get? no one seems to really read anything i type except theyd rather react negatively to it as if its something dirty that i uttered under my breath
my problem is no one else seems to get my problems whether i type or say it doesnt matter people dont seem to have many problems with the way things are currently just bc they themselves have done so well in their lives and we are all expected to do something well or have more than others or care deeply for something just to prove to others that we too are as good at something as xyz person.
its a tiresome feat in my brain that never seems to stop, i cant seem to get it all out of my head bc i dont accept the way society is. how else am i meant to not feel dead inside from the excessive reliance of social media? i really wouldve loved to have done something cool but then id have to care about wealth and other nonsensical things like money and high end clothes or popularity. theres just nothing else that would make me truly happy. no amount of online or irl will fill the void when i have to really dig for the close connections that arent there anymore and no amount of money is going to make me truly happy bc it wont fill the void that i missed much of my teen years and wasted x amount of years or did absolutely sod all with my life
meanwhile theres x amount of newer music groups who are already billionaires that are much younger than myself in fact most of the groups nowadays are half my age if not more so, so unless i had done something from a really young age there really is not much else for me to do
i keep trying to tell this to people irl and online but no one gets it if i post my honest feelings they get downvoted or nitpicked at or i get banned from xyz forum
modern society is a really alienating experience if we havent got something under our belt if we arent a somebody with friends then people dont know what that feels like
i feel too old to be liking whats current as it requires not little effort but they dont have to do much nowadays for them to make it big but im too old to really do anything cool myself if that makes sense?
society then also says shit like "do what makes you happy" without explaining how im supposed to find that without feeling like i need to spend x amount of money on it just to feel something remotely like happiness and its money that we have to work for or have already somehow
i think my life will be short and i dont care for it anymore i just want to stop existing and stop overthinking everything and at least try to enjoy something while i still can but i cannot even do that without feeling a sense of dread and hopelessness or fomo that i too failed and could not exceed any expectations that others have had on me
i cant keep doing more or buying more and eating more is just waste of money at this point cause i have to earn to eat to survive. i have to earn to eat to then eventually enjoy a small minor break
i just want to die i cant do it anymore. im at my wits end. im jealous of older generations cause theyre either close to being done with their lives or they have had it moderately easier than us

I don't know how to even type all of this, because I don't want this to be "boo hoo pity me".
I honestly don't know why I'm posting this at all. Just something inside is telling me to. Maybe to help process my situation I don't know.
I'm 22, and, I live in outskirts of a small town with family (parents, brother, and grandmother at this moment, but I've had other family living with all of us at different points), no hobbies, lack of social life, and, I was mostly raised by my grandmother and my mom's brother and sister for most of my life.
I have no real way to process any of the emotions I feel besides to bottle them up.
I've accepted I'm going to do die someday, and sometimes even pray something takes me sooner rather than later.
I don't have a job right now, mainly because I believe it to be fruitless in the end.
The reason I see it like this is because of my mother.
Both my parents are workaholics and gamble, and they have started gambling even more in the past few years since they found out about online casinos. My mother is a Nurse, and my father is a self-employed Jack-of-a-trades (Residential Construction, Landscaper, and Mechanic to name a few). Both of my parents have their own personal demons.
When I had my last job, my mother would ask for money a lot for online gambling, to the point my ~300$/w paycheck turned into 100$, just enough for gas, pet supplies, and contribute what was left to groceries (at the time there was 8 people living in the house and 3 pets). She would guilt/manipulate me into giving her the money, she always would ask how much I loved my mother, then ask for x amount. So I started to believe I was just stuck here, unable to leave. Causing me to stress out even more and have a panic attacks for a week straight, making me unfit to work and have to quit my job.
When I don't have a job, I'm sorta forced to do what ever she asks me to do around the property. At the same time, she also tells me to look for job.
Right now, living at the property, It's my parents, my brother, my grandmother, and I. My grandmother will be moving soon because of my mother.
My mother is really gung-ho, she doesn't really think, she just does. She'll think of something, and get it. She's bought a tattoo gun, elliptical/stationary exercise bike, inflatable hot-tub, and so much more in the past, just to sell it or never use it.
Recently she bought ~20 fowl (6 baby ducks and ~16 chicks), just to force most the responsibility onto me, while I need to start taking over on what my grandmother would do (most household chores like cleaning, laundry, and cooking), doing any work on the property I'm needed for, and, look for a job on top of that. Any time I would complain of the extra responsibilities she forced upon me during the times where I didn't have a job while looking for one, she would tell me "You have nothing better to do."
She's recently taken a loans with my car as collateral (both her and my name are on the title), she drug me out of bed after I spent the entire night looking for a job and searching one of our dogs that ran off; to sign off on one of the loans. Then the more recent one, I couldn't say no, since I'm honestly afraid I would be kicked out and left on my own with honestly nothing.
She has also ruined my grandmothers financial situation, having her open credit cards, loans, etc.
My father is distant because he's afraid of being like his own father. He sorta let's my mother do what she wants, if she wants to buy something she buys it. Last conversation I was part of with him was with one of his friends (bless that man) and my mother. My father's friend (B) started asking me about what I'm interested in, and what I'm good at etc. I'd decent with computers and if given the chance and parts, could put one together. B started talking to my father about maybe giving me the money to build pcs and sell them. My dad's response is that he wanted me to get it started myself, and didn't want to give me handouts (which I understand).
I honestly have nothing in common with either of my parents.
The only person in my family I trust at all is my grandmother, I'm actually glad she is leaving, since my mother won't have direct access to any financials my grandmother gets, but, she'll probably still listen to my mother, since she still loves everyone to much.
I want to leave, but, I'm afraid, since I don't have any of the knowledge of setting off on my own. Not to mention my current lack of a job. Part of me believes that this was my mother's plan or something.
I didn't mention everything hear, because I don't want this to be a complete novel.
To sum it up, everything about I'm feeling/thinking right now. I'm afraid to save money, because if I do, my mother will guilt me into giving her money. I can't talk to either of my parents about the other, mainly because I don't trust my mother. I don't want to worry my grandmother anymore she already probably is. I don't want to worry my brother with my shit. I feel my parents are completely disappointed with me. I feel I don't have a real future. I feel completely useless.

I want to give the full context.
So, about 45 years ago, I'm biking along and a dog attacks me on my bike, bites my leg, I kick it in the head and try my best to get away. I'm 6 at the time. Some other kid apparently saw me kicking the dog, told all his friends I like to kick dogs, and so began 10 years of getting the shit beat out of me by bullies. And I'm talking once a week sort of thing on average. Nobody gives a shit.
Long story short, I turn 18, most of the bullies have left for college. Three remaining pick on me again in 12th grade, but now it's only three on one, I kick their ass, they leave me alone for the rest of the year. That summer, the rest come back and I get jumped by seven of them, BP uses a baseball bat and I wind up in a coma. I was beaten so bad I got brain damage, I can't sleep anymore except with drugs, and I had to have my face sewn back on. Also, strips of metal and screws are holding my skull together.
So the last 33 years have been non-stop fun, let me tell you.
So about... I want to say three years ago now? I don't remember, I find myself in Elbridge, I'm hungry, go to the local grocery store and I forget what I'm buying when this guy comes up to me and just starts acting like we're old friends. Now I'm boggled because I didn't HAVE friends. So I'm being polite so I can just get out of there, and he brings up BP and says, "Isn't it terrible what happened? I miss him."
What happened? He dropped dead at 39.
So I ask, "Oh? Where is he? I REALLY want to piss on his grave."
Long story short, He has no idea why I'm upset with the guy, so I explain the 10 years of Beatings and he says, I had that coming because I kick dogs, and I said, you mean the one who gave me these scars? And showed him the bite scars on my ankle. That shut him up. Then he started looking nervious and I said, "Hold it, you were there when he beat me with a baseball bat."
He denied it, saying I was lying that he didn't remember that happening, yes he was there, but I was never beaten into a coma, and I then proceeded to pull my lip up over my nose and said, "Do you see this scar along my gum line? That's where they had to sew my face back on. This right here? This screw has slowly been working itself out for decades. Hurts like FUCK, Fixing it would cost too much money, so I just live with it. Oh yeah, I also don't sleep anymore. Ever have an insomina headache because you were awake for 88 hours? Trust me, you beg for death.
Now, I am one Sarcastic Asshole. I was a bill collector for over a decade. I KNOW how to fuck with people, and the whole time I'm explaining all this, I'm being hypercheerful and happy as I explain all these horrible things and how my life is nothing but pain, suffering and misery. I ended the conversation by clasping him on the shoulder and saying, "So because a dog bit me on the calf, you, your friends, and BP tortured me for a decade, beat me into a coma, and crippled me for the rest of my life with constant, untreatable, incurable pain! Congratulations! YOU WON! You punished me successfully for defending myself when I was attacked by a dog when I was SIX!
And I smiled, gave him a thumbs up, "Well, nice meeting you! I hope you have a great day!"
Now, My life isn't non-stop agony. There are drugs to take that replace the missing chemicals my brain doesn't make so I can get some sleep. And the pain, well, honestly It is constant, so I don't even notice it anymore. If anything, It made me one strong and tough son of a bitch. It's just, that I wish I didn't HAVE to be a tough SoB.
And honestly? I forgot about this shit. I walked out, got into my car, I think I bitched about it to myself on the drive back to Syracuse, but by the time I was pulling into the driveway, I had forgotten about all that crap.
Then a few years ago, the guy sent me an Email.
How the F did he get my email? I got no goddamn clue. I am a misanthrope. I can't stand people. I have no real Social Media footprint. I fucked around with you tube for a while, but then a few of the friends I made on youtube died and frankly it got too depressing so I basically did what I always did, withdrew from all social contact. I dunno. maybe that's how he found me.
So I ignore him, but he just won't let the fuck up. Finally I'm like, FINE, I call him. What the fuck do you want?
Turns out he got together with two others in his old gang, talked to them and confirmed my story. Then they felt guilty and wanted to say they were sorry and couldn't find me so they've been looking for me.
I'm like, WTF? this was 33 years ago. The statue of limitations was up LONG ago. You guys got away with this scott free. Everyone in town hated me anyways. I had no friends. Why the fuck do you care?
He said that since the surgery to fix the screw in my face wasn't covered by insurance and I couldn't pay for it, they wanted to pay for it to have it fixed.
And parahrasing because this is already way too long and this is STILL just the background, "So, what, you want to give me money to forgive you?" Answer: "Basically, yes." So I say, "Well, lets go with 50k for each year I got beat up and 30k for every year affer that because of chronic pain, so... you owe me... lets round up, one and a half million dollars.
Do you know what that fucker said?
"Well, it'll take some time to get the money together, but that sounds fair."
Now, you got to understand, I was a bill collector. My view on money ain't the same as you. I don't care about money. There is always more money. I know how to get money. I don't need money. Understand this when I continue.
I blew up at him.
Summary: "I was just pulling that number out of my ass to scare you off and be polite. Here's the deal. If I was living in a cardboard box. I wouldn't accept one thin dime from you. I'd spit in your face. I will never forgive you. The only thing I want from you is the location of BP's grave so I can PISS ON IT." And I hung up and blocked him and ignored him and his friends and every attempt to contact me.
Fast forward to this past month.
So I'm talking with my co-worker who is this bubbly-happy little ball of pink fluff who has a head full of stupid and believes everything she was told in college and is basically a commie because she loves children. We get into an argument AGAIN about how economically Socialism only works under the dunbar empathy limit and she's telling me socialism works because people are basically good and up until this point, I had been nice to her.
That, "people are basically good line" oh that set me off.
So I proceed to explain to her, in no small amount of detail I might add, just how shitty my life was and how people are sick, sadistic monsters who tortured me for over a decade because a dog bit my ankle and I lay it on THICK. I mean, Sigh...
I had this bubble-fluff in tears.
Now, Sorry. Woman cries, I have to fix that. Yeah yeah yeah, what's it you kids say today? Simp? I'm a simp. Fuck off. And I explain the whole offer to make things up to me and that maybe people grow up and over time they aren't so bad and I backpedal so hard you'd think I was trying to win the Tour De France backwards. I didn't believe it, but lets be honest, I REALLY laid into her. I mean, I systematically tried to prove there was no GOD by outlying absolute horror stories from my life and I did way too good a job.
Side note, how can you be a commie and believe in god? I got no idea how that works.
Anyrate, I cheer her up, mostly because I'm afraid of HR firing me for making a woman cry. I think It's all done. And...
Son of a bitch, that manic pixie puff happens to be related to one of the guys who beat the shit out of me.
Just... FUCK MY LIFE.
Now, Because I had a MOMENT OF COMPASSION, she thinks deep down inside I just want a FUCKIN' HUG and wants to try to get things settled between us because I'll be so much happier when I forgive them.
No.
I will not be happier when I forgive them. Why? Because to forgive, you have to fuckin' CARE. I don't. I do not care. I was happy ... well... content with my life as is. I have no need, nor desire to make friends, grant forgiveness, or be social in any way. My favorite game is The Long Dark. Why? Because in survival mode, YOU ARE THE LAST MAN ALIVE ON THE PLANET.
That is my idea of heaven.
I... guess I'm just venting. I don't expect anyone to come up with a solution or anything. I dunno if I will even come back here again to read the comments. I'm a misanthrope. I honestly hate people. Being around people for long periods of time is actually painful. I rather like humanity, however. Like... I've done suicide prevention, over the phone and online. Like, not physically face to face. like helping people. I just don't like seeing them or being within range of physical contact. Which is weird because I work in a job where I take care of people who are dying.
EDIT: I guess I just like people who have shitty lives. Nobody ever tried to help me, so I enjoy helping people who have suffered unjustly because fuck the universe. You wanna shit on someone and nobody cares? well, I'm gonna care just to spite the cosmos. I'm petty. What can I say?
TL/DR: I'm the nicest person who wishes everyone was dead or happy that you've ever known.
Yeah, I don't make sense, fuck off. I'm Me. I'm happy being me. I'm awesome. I don't need fixing.
The boys who beat me up? I couldn't care less, but damn it this stupid cotton-candy-brained brat seems to have made me her personal project and I don't know how to get her to stop without completely crushing her. I don't do subtle. I do sledgehammer. I am the fuckin' definition of straight-line movement and was voted in my College Yearbook as The guy who most resembles a blunt object.
I dunno. I just wish it would all go away. I don't want to forgive, I just want to forget. If you can't move on, NOT MY PROBLEM. Maybe you should have thought of that when BP started to beat my skull in. And No, not going to go to therapy. I am the therapy and know what a fuckin' joke it is. Especially these days. I'm a man. Real men don't need therapy. I feel bad, I go do something manly. Grunt.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Sometimes you just need to howl into the void, I guess.

Hello guys I know my topic sounds judgemental but before you judge me hear both sides of the story and give me a suggestion. So when I was 20 I fell in love with a woman I met online. She looked pretty decent with an average looking face . It took us 5-6 months to know and get into relationship. She was a year older than me . Before getting into relationship her behaviour was kinda fine. But after getting and staying together I noticed I made a bad decision of my life . So basically I'm not that kind of guy who doesn't do household works . I'm a single child so my mother probably taught me everything to do . For some people it may hurt their male ego sorry but I do cook and everything. It was during my college days we started living together in rent . And being a student of maths during exams I had no time to cook in the morning . My girlfriend would wake up late in the morning and start studying like the exams were from 9 she would wake up at 7 and start studying. I would wake up early to do maths I'd ask her to make me breakfast . ( Fyi other days breakfast dinner would be prepared by me ) lunch we would have in canteen . So it was only during exams I asked her to make me breakfast she would like curse me saying " may you fail " " you think I don't have to study or what " and all stuffs . So during exams I would bring maggi and cook for myself. That was the first incident that still aches my heart . Because I believed if she had to study she would wake up early . I've a bad past ( which ill tell you all later ) so because of all that . Trust me or not I'm not a kind of abusive or a dominating guy . All I want is loyalty, love and mostly respect. I decided to bring her home and be in live in she says she isn't ready to get married well maybe now I understand why . All my relatives and family have accepted her . Everyone knows we are in a live-in relationship. So basically she is a daughter-in-law for my parents. But guess what she has a lot of problem w my family. Like at our home or maybe yours too we never serve food to family members we put ourselves. We only serve our guests . And she has a problem w it . She says your mom didn't serve me food that literally means she don't want me to eat . She doesn't serve for me and dad as well . We serve ourselves as required . Another thing is I go to work she doesn't want to work . Fine !! But she won't even help mom in work . We don't have the mindset that the daughter in law should do all the work . My mom makes break and lunch and my dad makes dinner . Her only work is to sweep the floor . She compliants to me saying am I a servant or what ? That's family issues you guys maybe bored let's hop into main thing . The problem is she doesn't give me respect. I don't want respect as a bf or a husband . I don't but I expect my partner to give me the same amount of respect I give to her . She has the habit of hitting me whenever she is mad . I don't like it . I've said so many times don't hit me like that I never hit you . She answers back with her eyes wide open . And whenever I get mad when she hits me she calls me " namard " . That one work is enough to ruin a guy's mental health and ego . I earn like 9k a month which you know is very less . From that money I give some to my mom for which also she has problem. I give some to her and with me remains 4-5k in pocket . She likes to go out and while returning she asks for sweets and all from popular stores which I've to pay . Hold on !! I'm not complaining about spending money on her . I earn for my family. The problem is even after everything she asks for buying costly Korean products and all . When I mentioned about money . She says stuffs like don't buy me anything all right and all rude things which kinda hurts because even I need to start saving for myself. I sacrifice alot for her but it doesn't satisfy her instead her greed increases . Everyone has a favourite food . If she likes mine I give more than half of it but she still takes more from mine leaving a little for me .
There are still more events related but now I'm just done . Reason why I don't want to leave her is because of the physical relationship we shared and my family. If I leave her I'm scared her next partner is going to judge her because she isn't v!rg!n . Im scared that people will think I only used her body . I'm scared what my family is going to say. Will I regret leaving her? Or shall i keep going w this relationship

I'm an International Baccalaureate student and I'm looking to apply for law in Granada. I speak Spanish fluently so the Spanish won't really cause me any troubles. What I'm having trouble with is actually applying, do public unis accept IB scores like Unis in the UK or do I have to do an equivalency? Are there online portals for applying? What is required of me? I'm so confused with the process and I'd appreciate someone helping out lol

TLDR: I got my passport 25 business days after it was received in Gatineau. April 12: application received in Gatineau May 16 (Thursday): received new passport in NY May 20 (Monday): travel date
My takeaways:

• the online passport status checker only has two modes, "received and processing" and "shipped." You'll get much better info if you call the number, which you should do right at 8:30AM to avoid being on hold for multiple hours.
• I learned quickly that there is no way to expedite an existing application if you apply from the US. Once/if you find out that your passport will not be ready in time, you have to cancel your application, send confirmation of this to the consulate (they have specific requirements for this—make sure to check what they are), and then reapply through the consulate. You won't get a refund, you'll pay again, and they will issue you a temporary passport valid for 60 days (within 2-3 business days) while they also process a new passport for you.
• I was eventually given a fax number to fax my proof of travel. I think the whole process would have gone faster had I known to include my airline ticket in my passport application, or to fax it earlier in the process.
• I had the passport shipped to a different address than my mailing address, and they called to confirm this at one point. I've heard of them calling to confirm inconsequential things like if it's okay to include your middle name. Missing a call means you have to call back at the main (only?) number, which means either waiting until 8:30 the next day to get through without much of a wait, or spending a couple hours that same day on hold. Keep your phone on you throughout this whole process if you don't want to lose a day!

Full timeline:
April 11: Got photos done. Make sure to go to a passport studio that knows Canadian passport photo requirements. I went to Pacific Studio & Lab in LA for my photos. Dropped application off at FedEx.
April 12: Package accepted in Gatineau around noon.
April 27: card charged
April 29: Called the embassy to see about getting an expedited service, they took down my info and gave it to the LA Consulate. I got an email from the LA Consulate asking for all my info, I gave it to them, they said they'd contact passport canada to get more info, but I never heard back. Not very helpful in general.
May 3: called Passport Canada in the afternoon to check the status, was on hold for about 3 hours. They couldn't tell me anything besides that it was in progress, but that they hadn't found any issues with the application. One thing I noticed throughout this process is that the Passport Canada people keep trying to shunt you to the Consulate if you tell them your case is urgent; but actually in cases like mine where you allowed for more than the 20-day service time, what's most effective is to put the pressure on them to get your pending application out the door. However, it's very helpful to have someone at the consulate vouching for you (see below).
May 10 (Friday): Business day #20, the estimated processing time, but the status had not changed from "received and processing". Still hadn't heard back from LA Consulate; emailed them, asked to be put in touch with New York Consulate as I had landed in NY to visit friends before my international trip.
May 13 (Monday, one week before my flight): Got a call from the most helpful, amazing person at the NY Consulate. She had already studied my situation, and was extremely clear about the next steps. She said to hang tight until three business days before my flight, and she said, "Everything was working in your favour right now," which really helped to ease my anxiety. She explained that it's not possible to expedite an existing application, so if my passport didn't ship by Thursday, I would have to call and cancel the application, get a bunch of confirmation numbers from them, and then file a new application at the NY Consulate. This is a standard passport application that requires passport photos and a form of ID. It allows them to print a temporary passport that's valid for 60 days, while processing a new passport application for you. They can print the temporary passport in 2-3 business days but prefer not to do that when it seems possible/likely that your pending application will get to you in time for your trip. She said to hang tight until the Thursday before my Monday flight, and if it hadn't shipped by then, to cancel it and apply for a temporary one. She was also going to follow up on my case and try to urge them to get it printed and shipped, and said I should call and do the same.
May 14 (Tuesday): Called at 8:30am to check the status and tell them it's urgent. I got through pretty quickly, there were no updates, but I asked that they flag it as urgent and that I was already in touch with the NY Consulate.
Missed a call from Passport Canada around noon, and the callback number was the same one you call to check the status. My fairy godmother at the NY Consulate called an hour later because Passport Canada had emailed her saying they needed confirmation about the shipping address (different than my home address). I confirmed the address with her and asked her to email it to them. I figured this was what they were calling me about, so I decided to wait until the next morning to call back to avoid spending multiple hours on hold.
May 15 (Wednesday): Called at 8:30, got through within 15 minutes, confirmed the address and asked what I could do to speed things up. They suggested faxing my airline tickets. They gave two numbers, and only one of them worked. They said shipping takes 2-4 days so if it went out immediately it would arrive on the weekend but they couldn't guarantee it would ship that day, just said "I will tell my colleagues it's urgent". The two fax numbers are: 1-855-852-8316 / 1-819-953-4338. I also emailed the tickets to my Consulate contact and she e-mailed them to Passport Canada.
May 16 (Thursday): Woke up prepared to call at 8:30 to cancel my application and spend the morning at the Consulate, assuming the passport still hadn't shipped. I checked the online tracker and it had changed to "shipped" with a link to a Canada Post tracking number that said 'unrecognizable' or something like that when I clicked to track it. Around 2:30pm the passport arrived in a FedEx envelope along with my old passport!
THE END!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_inhername
Originally posted to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITA for overreacted to learning about the true fate of my little sister's remains?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: death of a minor, emotional abuse, gaslighting
RECAP
Original Post: April 18, 2024
My mother and father divorced when I was young. They had an oops baby together after my mom remarried, which rocked that marriage apart. That oops baby was my little sister. She died abruptly in an accident 4 years ago at only 14.
You know how people say the firsts after a death are the hardest? They don’t account for when there's no first to be had. When they should have been getting ready for prom but never will, it's a completely different pain. My mom and I were talking about it, we were both drinking, and she slipped that my bit of ashes I carry that I thought were my sister's were just regular ashes. Burnt wood. She already poured out my sister's ashes without me or my brother in the plot she bought with my stepdad.
She couldn't fathom my rage because to her, the sentiment and emotions are the important aspects, not that it's physically my sister. My anger is prompted by the lies and the fact those sentiments and emotions are attached to some thing NOT MY LITTLE SISTER, and I had no idea she cast her ashes on a plot she wouldn't have cared about. I screamed at her to get out of my house, locking the door behind her and calling up my stepdad to pick her up. I threw the necklace out the window to the front lawn, then regretted it and tore it out of her hands when she picked it up. As she would say it I "made a scene" and embarrassed her. I kept screaming and calling her a liar whenever she tried to explain herself or get back inside. I was threatening to call the cops on her when my stepdad finally showed up and took her away. He called me the next day and left a message saying that he wanted to talk about "what happened" and how he understands why I'm angry and hurt, he just wants to talk, but I need to talk to my mother too about this because she's a grieving mother (emphasis his) and my sister's death was a huge blow to the entire family and everyone is trying to regain our bearings still so some kindness is needed.
All I can think of right now is my mom's heartbroken face as I ripped my necklace with my "sister's ashes" out of her hands, or the way she turned away from me crying as my stepdad ushered her into the car. I called her names, I let my pain and rage take over me. But I can't get over the lies. 4 years of thinking my necklace had my sister, of thinking she was right by my heart, and it all came undone because my mom had too much to drink. How long would she have let me think this? How long would the lie continue?
Relevant Comments
OOP on how she figured out that her mother was lying to her
CenterofChaos: Yea your mother is grieving. But you, her very living child, are too. Having your mother lie to you about something important is going to get an emotional reaction.
What you do is up to you. But I wouldn't let her frame this as embarrassing her or that she's a victim in any way. She lied about it, she got drunk and tattled on herself, these are the consequences of her own actions.

OOP: It was an absolute mistake on her part that she even said it. We were talking about prom season and how hard it can be to be reminded of things that my sister would have loved. Then she started to say "I start crying before I even reach the cemetery sometimes" and she named it by name. I started flipping then and was like "what cemetery? Why that cemetery?" in a sort of why are we talking about cemeteries when we're talking about her way.

I kept pushing her for an explanation and that's when the whole thing came out.
 
Update: Overreacted to the true fate of my little sister's remains: April 26, 2024
Link here for original post.
I gave my mother an ultimatum of either telling my brother and father, or I will. She refused to, because "you reacted so horribly." And she told me not to tell because "You're doing this to hurt me and you're just going to hurt them."
So I told them. I sat my dad and brother down and explained that the necklaces didn't have the right ashes in them. I've never seen my dad break like that, and I've never heard my brother scream at me like that. He was angry that I knew before him and didn't immediately tell because "this is shit you tell me, you needed to tell me, we tell each other everything!", but he started crying and apologizing to me, admitting he's just so mad about what Mom did and he can't handle it.
So I guess that's clearly something else me and my brother share, we get overwhelmed initially before cooler heads prevail.
My dad looked gutted but he was clearly trying to piece himself back together. He said a lot of the same other people had said to me on my other post: "we can get some of the dirt from the plot where she was scattered, the necklace has the meaning we attribute to it and she's still with us even if her body hasn’t been physically with us."
I feel bad because some of it my mom said (ie the bit about the necklace being important even without her ashes in it) but I was able to accept that much easier from him. Maybe because he didn't lie to me for four years and drop a bomb on me out of nowhere because I pulled apart a lie. He held my brother and I as we cried, and he apologized for the pain, and he said it wasn't fair that I had to be the adult when my mother should have told all of us a lot sooner.
Dad's going to try to talk to my step-father to find the plot because my mom has been refusing to talk to us anymore, not answering messages or picking up the phone. Her social media has even gone dark. He's going to find out where the plot is and go to the site. I don't know if I could if it were up to me. It just feels like the final bit of proof that this fucked up nightmare is real and my sister is mixed with dirt and rocks and grass of an unmaintained and unvisited plot.
My mom and I always had some issues, but that's normal. This is worse than anything, and we had a rough patch when I came out that we didn't even talk, but we mended fences after. I can't see ever forgiving her, not with how she dropped this on me, blamed me for my reaction, and left me to do what she should have done. To top it off, she won't even show the decency to explain why or even talk to me. When we were discussing cremation, it was agreed we would all get a necklace with the ashes.
My mind keeps going over things that just didn’t add up fully, times she almost slipped or things that make complete sense now. She almost left behind her necklace on a trip and didn't freak out like I would have, because she knew where my sister was the whole time. She volunteered to be the one to separate the ashes and gave dad "the rest". I assume those ashes are the same as ours, fake.
God this whole thing just makes me want to curl up in a hole and never see the light of day again. I've been on and off crying all week without being able to stop, or just so angry I could scream. In the middle of my damn workday and suddenly I'm rushing to the bathroom to hide the fact I'm breaking all over again because I can't stop my thoughts. I quit smoking after my sister died but I picked it right back up again. My dad has been calling me every day to check in on me and remind me of how much he loves me and how much my brother loves me. I think he's afraid. My brother has come over each day since the talk with his girlfriend to make sure I eat something.
I don't know how to end this post. I feel lost and like I don't know anything anymore. I feel like a burden because my dad and brother are both dealing with the revelation too but they're clearly thinking of me and checking in on me. I'm going to look into grief counseling but the therapist I saw after my sister died isn't practicing anymore and my insurance isn't accepted by a lot of therapists. I try to remind myself that my little sister wouldn't have minded so much becoming woven into a tapestry of grass and flowers, and that I can visit her once we know where she was cast and make sure her site is always beautiful.
Thank you to everyone that helped me and shared their own perspectives and stories. I really appreciate it.
Relevant Comments
OOP on checking with the cemetery and if she could confirm that her sister has a plot there

OOP: It's my mother and step-father's plot. If trying through my step father fails, I'll try that. I didn't think I could just call up and say "is there an empty plot sectioned for the so and so family" but it's worth trying.

 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: May 10, 2024
This has probably been the worst month of my life in years. Sorry to the mod for so many posts.
I'm going to start with the minor stuff that's been happening or whatever because my head just feels like a brick. I got a promotion I'd been aiming for before everything. My boss did tell me I had already got it before this all happened and it was held off on announcing so I could have time to process before I had to adjust to the new job requirements. I couldn't even feel proud. I know a month ago I would have but I feel numb. I'm working a lot more hours now than normal, usually about 6am to 7pm, give or take. Paycheck looks nice I guess. My dad keeps telling me I need to work less, so does my brother, but my job is one that engages my mind enough that I'm nearly brain dead by the time I’m home which is nice.
I'm non-binary and prefer they/them pronouns but she/her are not offensive. Realized belatedly that people were calling me that.
I started drinking more than usual. After blacking out one night I let my dad take it all and I haven’t bought more. I don’t think I've ever gotten blackout before so it's terrifying to hear about the night but have barely any recollection of it.
About my sister: My mother finally responded to my brother, and according to him she was a wreck. All tears. All apologies. All "You have to understand!"
There must be something wrong with me because I look at her and I want to hurt her. I want to break her heart, I want to make a spectacle of her disgusting behavior, I want to ruin her life. I think part of me recognizes that's why I'm not so overly cautious about details, but at the same time I can't do it. The rational part of my mind kicks in and I realize that it wouldn't do anything but make it worse. I'd just feel guilty and sick after the brief moment of satisfaction. But then I think to myself, "So how and why could you do that to us? For years?"
Her and my brother had a much better relationship than her and I ever did. She still did that to him. Like yeah, Dad and her never got better after the divorce, and after the affair they struggled with even coparenting for a multitude of reasons. Her and I have had our issues. But the bond between her and my brother has always been strong, or at least used to be, and she did it to HIM of all people.
She tried telling my brother that she did it impulsively, in a fit of pique, but when he pressured her about why she was the one to volunteer to handle filling the necklaces, she said that it was because she was okay with it at first but then when she saw the ashes, she didn’t want to "destroy" her further. Her word, there. Destroyed. Like the relationship between her living children? Like our trust in her? Like the memorial we agreed upon for my sister? I don't know how to feel. If I even trust her story. But her wording makes me feel like it was planned. God yet again it becomes an accidental revelation, where she tried to uphold a lie but got caught and that's how the truth came to light.
I managed to talk to the funeral director. My sister's fingerprints are part of their records. I'm going to get her touch tattooed, but I found a means of getting that on a necklace so my brother and dad can have that if they don't want a tattoo. Still struggling to get in contact with the owners of the cemetery. A lot of unanswered emails and voicemails. I've also been looking for therapists and counselors in my area, or ones doing telehealth. I have an appointment upcoming but I'm nervous.
My stepfather has stepped back. He set a boundary that he won't talk to us until we agree to discuss this without "blaming anyone" and anytime the conversation starts going toward asking about motive or who knew what and when, he says the conversation needs to end. He's even hung up on us before and threatened the cops on me, even implying it'd be deserved after I did the same to my mother.
EDIT: I tried Findagrave and she's not there, same for my mother and step dad.
Editor’s Note: findagrave is a website for the world’s largest gravesite collection which allows people to find their loved ones’ burial sites all over the world.
Top Comments
Responsible-End7361: Suggest you tell stepdad "OK, fine. But my mother better not try to contact me in any way for anything else until the ashes issue is fully resolved, so tell her she is now down 2 kids, maybe 3."
Magerimoje: Regarding contacting the cemetery -
Leave a voicemail saying you want to purchase a plot. If anyone listens to the voicemail, they'll usually call back ASAP for a sale. When they call back, tell them you want to purchase a plot near your parents and give your mom & step dad's names and ask what their plot numbers are. Once you have the plot numbers,hang up and block their number so they can't keep calling trying to sell you shit you definitely do not want. But that might get the info faster. This is how I found the location of my infant cousin.
Also, some cemeteries have plot numbers and location maps online now. Worth checking.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I'll try keep this short because I could ramble all day but it's definitely something interesting I noticed.
While immersion learning still hasn't broken into the mainstream yet, it's becoming an accepted method especially in online spaces.
I've noticed discussions online about people wanting to learn kanji separately and ​of course, everyone states the obvious in that you will be less likely to understand or acquire a word simply by reading it in a vocab list, and should instead find it in content that you can understand.
What I don't get though is that if you turn around and say the same thing about grammar - you are met with ??? and also "why wouldn't you just pick up a textbook/ grammar guide" in response.
If your knee-jerk reaction there is to call out and say "hey well how else would you be able to understand the fundamentals" I can understand the viewpoint in which you're coming from but I feel like it's coming from the wrong place.
No matter what level someone is at - if they're truly serious about learning the language, then they'll come to the realisation that learning and having knowledge of something is different than acquiring it, so regardless of whether someone has knowledge of 10, 20, 500, 1000 words before going into content - that won't instantly ensure they are able to understand it - they'll just FEEL less overwhelmed because it appears like you've got something to work with (and hey I'd be lying if it wasn't slightly less stressful doing that lol).
No matter what though, you'll come across sentences all the time that have all vocabulary/grammar that you "know" and it should make sense but it just doesn't. At times that can be with or without complicated grammar, and I guess that's my point
No matter what you do, your perception of all of these ideas will change over time - and for the difference in the way each of these concepts are separated is super strange to me considering how similar it is to how you actually acquire them.
I also find that when I feel I've "concretely" grasped a grammar concept from a guide, there'll be times where I tunnel vision and focus on one specific idea that the guide presented that isn't correct - or straight up miss a separate one being used because I'm mismatching/crossing wires that would never be connected if you just learn them separately.
Anyone have similar experiences or maybe some pushback? Interested to hear what everyone has to say

Idk wtf is wrong with me it's my rant so hear me out and help me if you can
Ik neet hogya h aur sb break pr h aur mai bhi drop lera hu mere parents bhi supportive h aur mai bhi fully motivated hu neet 25 ke liye so let's take it back to the time when my prep was going super good like I could have cracked it with like 630-40 marks but it fall to 385
So it was time of December 2023 and i had finished my 12th syllabus in first week of it and i was ready for 11th revision starting but that time for 1 week I thought let's take it lightly now and let's enjoy in school and quesn prac at home (I was regular school going student) so in my school a coachings faculties used to come and teach and they were ass as expect bcz in 11th we dealt with the same thing and our whole class had bought pw batches and were studying online so school knew this thing so most of class students used to bunk and sit in physics lab and bio lab and 2-3 places more which were empty rooms so school was strict that much teachers were chill with it but they didn't wanted any misbehave and wanted silence so you could understand we all were just bunking so one day in physics class i was taking a revision class of electrostatics and that time i saw her and my mind went into a different dimension like I was nuts totally not horny but like a one sided lover I was crazy asf like I would find where she is sitting and i would select the same room to bunk and i still remember it was 21 December I made insta id first time for her and on 22 my friend found her insta id ( dawgg did it 15mins in front of me bro is a genius fucker) so now I confessed to her on 23rd December we met on 26 December in school it was really awkward she was introvert and a loner and now to keep it clear after I confessed to her she told me at that we could be friends so ik her response won't change so i met her to show who I was and didn't wanted to feel her paranoid like someone has eyes on her so after that we didn't talked that much and after that meeting I approached her second time and we talked back to our classes ( she was in 11th(pcm) and i was in 12th (pcb)) so after that i didn't approached I at that time sensed that it's better to focus on studies but after seeing her my mind would go blank so much that my priorities would change after seeing her like she is the only one thing that's important for me
Now the real fall of me started so she approached me two- three times and now for that 4-5hrs we would spend time and now everyone came to know about us and we weren't that popular so no rumors spread but her classmates would stare at me and i was just losing myself in those times my purpose everything turned into vapour and i felt like a oxygen so ready to make ozone to protect my world with me and now we were so cute or just she was too cute but the moments whenever I remember I just get lost into those sweet memories she was 5ft and I am 5'10 and she used to talk in low voice so I used to bend to listen to her and it happened infornt of some girls from pcm sections and they told my dawgg that it was so cute and now we were getting compliments form people that we look cute 😭😭😭 and they didn't even knew that we were just friends and now there was another thing that i used to think she likes me too bcz she used to send me couple reels and now when I showed them to my friends they all said like she definitely likes me but she wants to take it slowly I was cool with it and now she started ghosting me out of no where 🤡 like literally out of nowhere she didn't used to reply to my texts and when I approached her in school she very annoyingly said I don't have time I'm busy it was too cold I didn't understand anything and I was inside falling and dying my sleep schedule started to fuck up like I would wake up in nights drenched in sweat I want to remind you it was winters and in delhi temperatures drops so much and it's so cold but I was drenched in sweat and my whole sleep was fucked and now during days I used to sleep for 1hr in those I had just dreamt things related to her I used to dream that she was replied like I am using and in insta you had that notifications comes on upper side like that I used to see and I would wake up scared every thing was falling around me I didn't know what can I do
Time just passed like that and oneday she asked me if she can block me cuz for some reasons I was getting on her nerves and i told her it's her choice and she blocked me and at that time i had a psychotic attack kinda thing so many emotions ran through me I was singing like a maniac I called my friend told him this shit and I was going crazy I wanted to just drown in the floor and stop existing so after that I went in some crazy shit like I wasn't able to do things my motivation all lost and cried many time about why I'm like this if I could've been a better person so she would've chosed me but now nothing could be done so now it's been a lot time like 2-3months and still I'm kinda not able to move now I'm doing everything properly sleep is good now but whenever any one talk about girl and Or any girl approaches me i just feel like that if she could've been in this moment with me we would've been so good and now no other girl interests me and I've passed out school so she must have told everyone that she blocked me so some other girl slided in my dms and for a long time she was showing me signs she likes me and oneday she confessed and i rejected her this girl was also beautiful and so good like a nice girl but i dont want to be with someone and think about someone else and if I had accepted her proposal then someday I would've told her how i am not able to move on from the first one and would broken her too so it was appropriate to tell her no and now I'm stuck with a weird feeling like a emptiness in myself that I'm not able to fulfill like something is missing some part I lost along this was don't which part and where I lost it now I don't want to lay on my bed and think about her and miss her so much her face her eyes even if I remember I just want to say yeah there was someone like that I doesn't effect me idk how can I fix everything idk pls suggest me something reasonable and doable I can't go to a therapist cuz my parents won't allow me and still right now I'm want her to text me back that hey how are you I would choose her over anyone she feels like a missing part but idk what I can do plz help
Sorry for the long post

Ik hogya h aur sb break pr h aur mai bhi drop lera hu mere parents bhi supportive h aur mai bhi fully motivated hu neet 25 ke liye so let's take it back to the time when my prep was going super good like I could have cracked it with like 630-40 marks but it all dropped to 385
So it was time of December 2023 and i had finished my 12th syllabus in first week of it and i was ready for 11th revision starting but that time for 1 week I thought let's take it lightly now and let's enjoy in school and quesn prac at home (I was regular school going student) so in my school a coachings faculties used to come and teach and they were ass as expect bcz in 11th we dealt with the same thing and our whole class had bought pw batches and were studying online so school knew this thing so most of class students used to bunk and sit in physics lab and bio lab and 2-3 places more which were empty rooms so school was strict that much teachers were chill with it but they didn't wanted any misbehave and wanted silence so you could understand we all were just bunking so one day in physics class i was taking a revision class of electrostatics and that time i saw her and my mind went into a different dimension like I was nuts totally not horny but like a one sided lover I was crazy asf like I would find where she is sitting and i would select the same room to bunk and i still remember it was 21 December I made insta id first time for her and on 22 my friend found her insta id ( dawgg did it 15mins in front of me bro is a genius fucker) so now I confessed to her on 23rd December we met on 26 December in school it was really awkward she was introvert and a loner and now to keep it clear after I confessed to her she told me at that we could be friends so ik her response won't change so i met her to show who I was and didn't wanted to feel her paranoid like someone has eyes on her so after that we didn't talked that much and after that meeting I approached her second time and we talked back to our classes ( she was in 11th(pcm) and i was in 12th (pcb)) so after that i didn't approached I at that time sensed that it's better to focus on studies but after seeing her my mind would go blank so much that my priorities would change after seeing her like she is the only one thing that's important for me
Now the real fall of me started so she approached me two- three times and now for that 4-5hrs we would spend time and now everyone came to know about us and we weren't that popular so no rumors spread but her classmates would stare at me and i was just losing myself in those times my purpose everything turned into vapour and i felt like a oxygen so ready to make ozone to protect my world with me and now we were so cute or just she was too cute but the moments whenever I remember I just get lost into those sweet memories she was 5ft and I am 5'10 and she used to talk in low voice so I used to bend to listen to her and it happened infornt of some girls from pcm sections and they told my dawgg that it was so cute and now we were getting compliments form people that we look cute 😭😭😭 and they didn't even knew that we were just friends and now there was another thing that i used to think she likes me too bcz she used to send me couple reels and now when I showed them to my friends they all said like she definitely likes me but she wants to take it slowly I was cool with it and now she started ghosting me out of no where 🤡 like literally out of nowhere she didn't used to reply to my texts and when I approached her in school she very annoyingly said I don't have time I'm busy it was too cold I didn't understand anything and I was inside falling and dying my sleep schedule started to fuck up like I would wake up in nights drenched in sweat I want to remind you it was winters and in delhi temperatures drops so much and it's so cold but I was drenched in sweat and my whole sleep was fucked and now during days I used to sleep for 1hr in those I had just dreamt things related to her I used to dream that she was replied like I am using and in insta you had that notifications comes on upper side like that I used to see and I would wake up scared every thing was falling around me I didn't know what can I do
Time just passed like that and oneday she asked me if she can block me cuz for some reasons I was getting on her nerves and i told her it's her choice and she blocked me and at that time i had a psychotic attack kinda thing so many emotions ran through me I was singing like a maniac I called my friend told him this shit and I was going crazy I wanted to just drown in the floor and stop existing so after that I went in some crazy shit like I wasn't able to do things my motivation all lost and cried many time about why I'm like this if I could've been a better person so she would've chosed me but now nothing could be done so now it's been a lot time like 2-3months and still I'm kinda not able to move now I'm doing everything properly sleep is good now but whenever any one talk about girl and Or any girl approaches me i just feel like that if she could've been in this moment with me we would've been so good and now no other girl interests me and I've passed out school so she must have told everyone that she blocked me so some other girl slided in my dms and for a long time she was showing me signs she likes me and oneday she confessed and i rejected her this girl was also beautiful and so good like a nice girl but i dont want to be with someone and think about someone else and if I had accepted her proposal then someday I would've told her how i am not able to move on from the first one and would broken her too so it was appropriate to tell her no and now I'm stuck with a weird feeling like a emptiness in myself that I'm not able to fulfill like something is missing some part I lost along this was don't which part and where I lost it now I don't want to lay on my bed and think about her and miss her so much her face her eyes even if I remember I just want to say yeah there was someone like that I doesn't effect me idk how can I fix everything idk pls suggest me something reasonable and doable I can't go to a therapist cuz my parents won't allow me and still right now I'm want her to text me back that hey how are you I would choose her over anyone she feels like a missing part but idk what I can do plz help
Sorry for the long post

Welcome to 2024 Elden Ring Online Coop guide for cracked / pirated version of the game. You’ll find everything you need to know in this post.
This method even allows you to play Online Coop with friends who bought the game on Steam. Make sure:

1. All players are using the same latest Elden Ring patch. At the moment that’s v1.10.1 (I’ve tested Elden Ring Razor v1.10.1)
2. All players are using the same Seamless Coop Mod version v1.15.1….
3. All players have set up Goldberg Emulator and adjusted their SteamIDs and Usernames
4. All players are connected to ZeroTier-like LAN network

Everything used for this workaround: GoldbergEmu, ZeroTier, SeamlessCoopMod, EldenModLoader, and ModEngine2.
Can’t guarantee 100%, but almost certain that this will work when Shadow Of The Erdtree DLC is out. Reason why? This method works for every version after v1.04 of Elden Ring, so see no reason why this wouldn’t work in the future. Probably, will need to add Cream_api to it, but I guess time will tell.
Main Tutorial:

1. Download Elden Ring (make sure every player has got the exact same version, for example Elden Ring v1.10)
2. Download ONLY steam_appid.txt and steam_emu.ini: https://github.com/K3V1991/How-to-install-Seamless-Co-Op-Mod-for-Elden-Ring/tree/main/Game Put these 2 files in a new folder, so you know where they are. We will need them shortly
3. Download Goldberg Emulator: https://mr_goldberg.gitlab.io/goldberg_emulato click the long highlighted number '475342f0d8b2bd7eb0d93bd7cfdd61e3ae7cda24' to download
4. Extract it and open the folder.
5. Find steam_api64.dll file in there. Copy and paste it into the same folder where you saved steam_appid.txt and steam_emu.ini
6. Install Elden Ring. IMPORTANT! When you install the game make sure to have proper directory, otherwise ModEngine won’t work. It should be like this ELDEN RING/Game. Doesn’t matter where you choose to install it, but make sure the last 2 folders are ELDEN RING and inside it, Game folder. All the game files should be in here. For example mine is this: D:/Games/ELDEN RING/Game/
7. After installing Elden Ring open ELDEN RING/Game folder. Now, copy and paste steam_appid.txt, steam_emu.ini and steam_api64.dll that you downloaded in step 2) and 3).
   • For Steam players, back up steam_api64.dll before overwriting it. You’ll need this file to revert back to your Steam version of the game. Rename it to .backup Example: steam_api64.dll.backup*. When you want to revert it, just delete .backup*
8. In your Game folder also create a .txt file. Name it exactly this: steam_interfaces.txt (nothing needs to be inside it)
9. Okay. Eden Ring and Goldberg Emulator is done. Now, download the following 3 Mods:
10. Elden Mod Loader: https://www.nexusmods.com/eldenring/mods/117
11. Mod Engine 2: https://github.com/soulsmods/ModEngine2/releases
12. Seamless Co-Op: https://www.nexusmods.com/eldenring/mods/510
13. Make sure all players are on the version of SeamlessCoop. Example: *Seamless Co-op BETA 1.5.1*
14. Depending on which version of Elden Ring you have, you may need to check the compatibility. Download an older version of Seamless Coop that supports your Elden Ring version.
15. First, install Elden Mod Loader. Just need to copy & paste 3 files into your Game folder: mods folder, dinput8.dll and mod_loader_config.ini
16. Install Mod Engine 2. Copy and paste it into your Game folder the following files: mod folder, modengine2 folder, config_eldenring.toml, launchmod_eldenring.bat and modengine2_launcher.exe
17. Install Seamless Co-OP. Again, copy and paste into your Game folder the following files: SeamlessCoop folder and launch_elden_ring_seamlesscoop.exe
18. Important
19. First, launch the game using launch_elden_ring_seamlesscoop.exe that you've just put in.
20. When the game opens, it should say "Welcome to Seamless Co-op Mod".
21. You are going to set up Elden Ring to launch via Mod Engine 2. You can do this by running modengine2_launcher.exe file.
22. Make a shortcut of modengine2_launcher.exe and move it to you desktop. This will be the new way of launching the game. Change the icon to EldenRing.exe
23. We also need to move two of the Seamless Co-op files to your Elden Mod Loader mods folder. Your can find this in your Game folder *ELDEN RING\Game\mods* (This step is a bit confusing to explain. Essentially, we are setting up “Seamless Coop Mod” to launch through “Elden Mod Loader”. This way we can launch the game using “ModEngine2” and still have “SeamlessCoop” working)
24. Open Seamless Co-Op folder and move seamlesscoopsettings.ini and elden_ring_seamless_coop.dll into mods folder. Important to move the files and not copy paste.
25. Whilst you're at it, open seamlesscoopsettings.ini and change your password. The password has to be the same for you and your friends if you want to play together
26. Test if seamless is working by launching the game using modengine2_launcher.exe shortcut. You should be greeting again with"Welcome to Seamless Co-Op" message.

Every player will need a different Username and SteamID in order to connect.

1. Open your Roaming AppData directory: C:/Users/USERNAME/AppData/Roaming/. Alternatively, press WIN + R, then type %appdata%
2. Open Goldberg SteamEmu Saves folder, then settings folder. Edit account_name.txt and change your Username.
3. Next, open user_steam_id.txt and change the number slightly for every player. (I just changed the last two digits)

Congrats! Elden Ring, Goldberg, SeamlessCoop, ModEngine2 and EldenModLoader have all been set up. The worst part is out the way. Next, you will need ZeroTier to host a LAN connection. It’s free and easy to use so would definitely recommend.
ZeroTier Tutorial:

1. Download ZeroTier
2. Only the host will need to create an account with ZeroTier to create and manage servers/ networks.
3. Create a New Network and join in it via ZeroTier app.
4. The Host will need to accept/authorise each player who joined the server via ZeroTier website.
5. Once all player have joined and the host has authorised them on the network you can now launch Elden Ring and enjoy Seamless Coop with your friends :)

How to join each others world?
This is fairly straightforward:

1. Complete the tutorial and enter into Limgrave where you find The First Step site of grace.
2. One player will use Tine Grey Pot to open their world.
3. Others will join it by using Effigy Of Malenia
4. To leave the session use Separation Mist

Will I get banned from Steam if I bought the game?
No.
This methods uses GoldbergEmu (Steam Emulator) so you’re not actually playing it through Steam.
Goldberg replaces Steams steam_api64.dll file and tricks the game into thinking you playing through steam. Letting you launch multiple instances and join the same server.
1). To revert back to Steam servers rename steam_api64.dll.backup back to steam_api64.dll
2). I would recommend to back up your Goldberg steam_api64.dll so you can switch back to Goldberg later
The only way you could get banned, is if you intentionally tried to convert your SeamlessCoop save file back to Vanilla, and then tried to connect to the official Servers. This is why SeamlessCoop uses .co2 file extension instead of vanilla .sl2. Check out SeamlessCoop Nexus page for more info.
Can I use my old Save?
Yes. Just need to change the extension of the save file.

1. Open: *C:/Users/USERNAME/AppData/Roaming/EldenRing/(alongnumber)*
2. You’ll see two files with .sl2 and .sl2.bak extensions. These are your old save files
3. To change them to Seamless Coop, make a copy and rename them to .co2 and .co2.bak You must have Show Hidden Files and Folders enabled in your file explorer to see AppData.

Important
In this guide, I’ve showed you how to set this up with EldenModLoader and ModEngine2. Different mods will require different mod loaders but the vast majority will require one of these two. The important thing is not to get them confused with each other, as the folder names are very similar.

1. Elden Mod Loader: uses mods folder
2. Mod Engine 2: uses mod folder

I’ve tested a bunch of mods and they’re all work fine for me online. Some of course wont, but you can check out SeamlessCoopMod Nexus page for compatibility
Not Working?
Please read and follow the tutorial properly, every step of the way. As mention before, this method works for every version after Eden Ring v1.04, so check which one you have. Also, you have to be on the same patch of Elden Ring as well as Seamless Coop as you friends in order to connect.
I would highly recommend to try this after a fresh install of Elden Ring, as you may have installed some mods or messed with some files before, that could affect this.
Failed: No sessions found

• Make sure you and your Friends:
  • Using the same Mod Version
  • Same Seamless Co-Op Password
  • Connected to a ZeroTier-like Program
  • Generated the steam_interfaces.txt

Good luck my fellow Tarnished!

so i (15, mtf) have been really worried abt how my transition will end up going. i'm closeted to everyone except a group of supportive friends (to whom i owe the world) and i'm thinking of coming out to my parents within the next month or two.
i really have two concerns when it comes to my transition, one of which obviously being family reaction. idk my mom said that she'd love a trans child but wouldn't let them get hormones (i'd love a child with cancer, but i'd never get them chemo) but my dad has made fun of the "tr---ies" before so... (he does very much believe in "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" though, so there is hope in that regard)
but my main concern is probably passing (which i'll probably never be able to do bc my face is already not only masc, but ugly masc). i don't want to have ffs, it's just something i have to do to fix my condition, but i'm worried it might leave my face disfigured in some way, even though if i get a competent surgeon i'll probably be fine (my wallet won't be though!). boymoding sounds like dysphoria hell and i'll probably have to do that from whenever i get hrt to at least 3-5 years after that when i can afford ffs. presenting as a boy, even a feminine one, might genuinely make me want to off myself. being a visible trans woman sounds like hell, i don't want to be a crude approximation of my own being i just want to be myself, and also being killed with rocks for taking a piss doesn't seem very nice. it doesn't sound like too much to ask for but i must've pissed off some god in a past life or smth because i've been cursed with this.
i have a strong brow ridge with very masc forehead projection, a square jaw, and a big nose and those are genuinely killing me inside. i know ffs could definitely fix a lot of those issues but at least 60k for that in a place where insurance or universal healthcare doesn't cover it (i live in alberta, canada) is so much money that i'll never have to a point where it feels hopeless. alberta just banned hrt and puberty blockers for those under the age of 16 (and the conservatives, who will probably be in power next year, want to ban transition to anyone below the age of 18), and the only pediatric gender clinic in the province is open for six hours a month with a three year waiting list. i don't want to wait at the very least another year watching everything in my body degenerate into a disgusting male form but i can't do anything else so i guess i'll just rot in self-loathing until then.
i just wished i hadn't spent my whole life until abt six months ago repressing this. i knew that i was supposed to be a girl since i was 10 at the latest. my earliest memory is me wanting to just wake up as a girl. if i just accepted it back in 2019, before my dad got radicalized, before everyone cared so much about trans people, i'd be on hrt by now or at least blockers. why did my entire life hinge on the stupid decision of a terrified 10 year old? who deserves that?
i just wish i could be cis, afab or amab i don't care, it doesn't matter. everything would be so much easier. no surgery, no hate, no dysphoria, why can't i just be in the right body. seeing ppl online being proud of their transness is so confusing to me, why would you be happy about being this way, it's a birth defect. seeing passing trans ppl makes me feel worse somehow. it shouldn't, if anything it means that it's probably possible for me too, but i just feel like they were born wrong right.
tl;dr: teenage trans girl in a hopeless situation wallowing in dysphoria, even though she's incredibly privileged in just having the possibility to pause her male puberty before it completely and utterly irreparably ruins her.
sorry i just need to get this out of my system, even if it just bounces off some wall of noise
i think im gonna cry myself to sleep to Romantic Vivisection now

[OC Intro: The game is modded to increase basic jobs cost, seasonal events are disabled. Much of the crash details are based on NASA/SP-2008-565 Columbia Crew Survival Investigation Report recommendations especially Chapter 3 "Occupant Protection".]
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries. He has only a few minutes of APU power left, goes over the best clearing he can find, and radars it. It varies by only a few feet from the aerodynamic glideslope there. He spots it out on the cameras and circles to go after that spot. He's only at two hundred feet now. With one hand on the stick, he uses the other to open the pressure equalization valve on the side hatch, then at one hundred feet, gets it undogged. Depending on how much damage he's going to get, it's less likely to be stuck closed and trap him. The dynamic vacuum this pulls in the cockpit rips most of the survival pack data cards from that rack and scatters them across the landscape. Crap, I'm gonna need those! Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, he turns on the radar for the final approach, takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and PFD, he clicks his HANS and shoulder strap locks in; after that, he can barely move, but that now is better than dying in this crash with a broken neck. He's a decent pilot and brings up the flare gently. Bringing up the alpha on this delta-winged ship, he balloons a little, but keeps the nose going up and restores a zero aerodynamic sink rate just above the highest terrain indicated by the radar altimeter. The ship bumps a little in the ground effect, and he can see the radar altitude cycling irregularly up and down about five feet at a time. Rougher than it looked from higher up! The body flap protecting the dead engines hits first, and the nose comes rapidly down. It hits, the screens go blank, and Tightniks is surrounded by airbags, some lifting his feet from the rudder petals and his hand from the control stick. It's blinding, it's disorienting, it's noisy, and, to his relief, it's long! It takes several seconds before the crashing cockpit stops moving. How many times did he flip over? Did he go sideways and roll? Am I rightside up? Are we really stopped on the ground? The airbags deflate, and he can move his arms. He gets his restraints loose and inspects himself. "Uck!" he says out loud (without the 'f'). No broken bones. His pressure suit can take his blood pressure. 116/81, pulse 112, blood oxygen 99 reads off on his left arm, I'll friggin' take it!
The ship is amazingly intact from what he can tell. He can't get any readings. The systems test meter seems to be working, but can't find any voltages anywhere. The ship seems to be completely dead. Behind him, 10 passenger seats are all surrounded by airbags and the back of the cabin ends in some sort of dirt-and-gravel and there's a bit of daylight seeping in around the edges. He was the only one on board, though, so their deployment was mostly academic (they might have stiffened the structure a little during the crash, but that's probably trivial.) Tightniks gets out of his spacesuit. The air on this planet is actually breathable. He gets the hatch open, steps outside and-
"A green shimmer erupts then disappears, and you hit the ground."
The human emerges from the glowing green mist and hits the ground. Groans. Pushes against that ground, trying to get back up. Where am I? What's my name? I remember nothing. Aren't babies born naked? He's got a dark blue button-down shirt on. A uniform? A shoulder patch. Gets up, looks around. I feel really heavy. I'm not that fat, am I? He picks up a small stone from the ground, this also feels heavier than it should. He rises to his feet and holds it out somewhat (he's unable to fully extend his arm) and lets it go. The stone hits the ground near his feet quickly and with remarkable speed. It's the gravity, it's greater than it is on- ...where am I from? This is- ...not my home planet? "Oooh..."
"Ka?" it says.
What is that? It's cute, at least.
It is not tame. He has no hope of catching it on foot. The creature seems to like the berries. Maybe if I gather some of those into one place and set some kind of trap...
33s: First trap.
I got one! The human lumbers up to the trap and gets the catch open. Do you bite? It doesn't matter much to me; I'm so friggin' screwed.
It doesn't. It looks at the human with a sense of wonder, actually. A blink and tilt of the head. Seems almost to be asking, Is it you? My purpose? My savior? Once out of the trap, which is totally wrecked, he has to make a new one from scratch, it follows him around like a imprinted hatchling bird.
Wiry little fella, you are. You're going to need some bulking up to do anything useful. The- ...'trimp', I guess... The trimp seems just barely able to feed itself. The human lets him into the broken ship's intact cabin, and it curls up comfortably in a passenger seat for a nap.
1m03s: Second trap.
"Apparently the Trimps breed if they're not working. Doesn't look pleasant."
What are they doing?
The trimps appear to be androgynous, and these two have paired off in the back of the ship. They're holding something carefully within a few hours, feeding it berries, grass, and- ...corundum.
Corundum?? Whatever that is, it isn't a baby.
1m35s: Third trap.
Only it IS a baby! The third trimp he trapped immediately joined the other two in raising it. They have a strange diet of food the human has found compatible with his own body, but they also eat rocks! They're careful to crush and sort aluminate minerals from silcate ones and only eat aluminate. Actually, they don't eat aluminate, they're only feeding it to the baby.
2m06s: Fourth trap.
All four are raising the same child, who is just starting to toddle. It seems these fellas have alumina or maybe even aluminum bones. The human takes a nap and wakes to find the first child grown up and they're starting to raise a second child, all five of them.
2m46s: Huts.
The human found a working bit of electronics. He calls it a pad, but maybe it's more like a smartphone. It has plans for two residential structures. The first, the smaller one, he can build right away, but the second one needs something called "drywall", and he has to figure out how to make that before he can build it. Huts and houses, apparently.
3m13s: 10 pop, full, first farmer.
The trimp he trained to farm and make paper took an incredible 50 units of food to get bulked up to do the work, and now it's not participating in rearing the child. But less than an hour after the trimp started farming and pulping, the child was out on its own, and the trimps did not start another. The ten seats on the ship were all full. Well, eleven counting the one up front that the human sleeps in. The pilot starts exploring the area.
3m28s: Battle.
Wait, what are you do-
The hostile roars and charges at the human, but one of his trimps jumps in front of him with a stick and they fight. It started right when the human got far enough away from the ship that the hostile non-trimps away from the ship began to regard him as leaving his own territory. After the trimp defeats the first enemy, it continues after other hostiles.
3m53s: Shield I in Z1c5.
The human is easily able to recover the loot in the territory cleared by the fighting trimp. Then he sees something glinting in the- That can't be! What the heck is that? It's a data card that fits his pad. It quite clearly regards trimp combat. He gets it loaded into his pad and studies it. I can do this, it just takes some wood. He returns to the ship to discover that they had already started on a new child before the fighter had even expired in battle. The human concentrates on his research.
4m38s: Mskel in Z1c11 defeated.
The remains of this one seem rather white and shiny. It's titanium! This enemy had titanium bones! He'll store them away. They'll be useful someday, I'm sure.
5m52s: Dagger I in Z1c20.
Where are these data cards coming from? The human wonders as he loads this one into his pad, It's for a weapon it calls a dagger. He blinks. I don't know what a dagger is. I'll take your word for it, data card. Needs metal. He has gathered some, but ore is plentiful. He can just dig and smelt it whenever he wants. For now, I'll continue researching.
6m18s: Arable in Z1c21.
It's an old cave that trimps like to live in. Why weren't they able to live there before? How could these friendly critters be confined to only the exact spot where THAT thing, he looks back where he came from, not remembering that he piloted the wrecked ship to its current resting place, crashed? This is really strange. I'll let them fill up this cave before advancing further. Wait, what about defenses? The hostiles never try to reclaim territory that they've lost, so he stops worrying about that fairly quickly.
8m22s: First hut is 0.3% first ever AP.
The trimps seem fairly easy to please in terms of living quarters. Two move into his first hut and start raising a child. The human has his tent, uniform, and the heater pilfered from his space suit. Not much of a mud fan.
9m59s: Miners in Z1c30.
Oh, what's on this data card? Sl3niw? Oh, I'm holding the pad upside down. Miners. I can teach trimps how to mine ores and smelt met- 200 units of food? Each job is getting more expensive to train a trimp for. He puts his bee nickels to his eyes and spots another data card probably 10 enemies away. "Sc"? Does that means science? I can teach trimps to do science??
13m57s: Scientists in Z1c40.
Due to the expense of training trimps, the human couldn't afford to build them shields until now, he's got Sh1-3 made for the fighter to capture the science training data card. 14m02s: One head went into that turtlimp shell, that of his fighter, but two came out: his fighter still has his head on, and he managed to get the turtlimp's head off. It rushes off after the deadly penguimp in the next cell. The shields are not doing all that much good, actually, but they're better than nothing. The human picks up and loads the science data card and- Holy runny sugar-free fudge crap! 1000 food units, but it'll endow them with the ability to speak. Good. I'm getting bored with no one to talk to.
14m28s: Bloodlust purchased and AutoFight enabled (that delay after getting it is an effect of jacking up the job cost.)
As the human buries this expired little trimp warrior, he comes to the sobering realization that he has more trimp graves in his growing trimp colony than he does live trimps. And yet they seem more hopeful now than before I got to know any of them. They seem to think I'm the solution to all their problems or- Those two look east somberly, then notice that he's watching them and smile back and wave at him. ...one problem that is specific, but very, very huge for them. [The only reason I say 'east' is because that's right on a map, and the game advances right across a row, then up. I might say 'northeast' on occasion for that reason.]
20m47s: Z1c73, Miners taken.
Are you my new mining foreman? The trimp who took to the mining training has dark brown fur that lays flat on its head. It's unusual in not having any bits that stick out from its head, ahoge or whatever. This one is relatively quiet, and while it has assimilated the mining and smelting knowledge, it needs to bulk up to do any mining. Smelting is relatively easy, and getting a strong natural draft going in a furnace is almost trivial with the increased gravity. This trimp builds furnaces like nothing. And likes to nap in holes it digs right on the spot; it's weird that way. [Puchim@s Yukipo, and furnaces are not explicit in Trimps.]
21m58s: Farming in Z1c80.
The resourcing "books" are not data cards but paper scrolls, apparently lost to the trimps. It seems that they were civilized in the recent past and some calamity swept over the planet to reduce them to this. Did I have something to do with it? Amnesia sucks harder than a Dyson- ...what's a Dyson? Whatever, it sucks. This disaster happening just before I crash in the only spot with trimps still alive would be a seriously crazy coincidence! Something is really, really wrong about all this. [The author has not sought or received product placement permission or fee from Dyson Technology Ltd. or any resellers of their stuff, just they literally suck balls and made my favorite vacuum cleaner.]
23m50s: Builder in Z1c90.
They've rescued an, I dunno, gelding trimp? It just started to build a shed around the piled lumber I left to build one. It's really slow compared to me, and just banged its thumb, but it is super cute with that long reddish head fur. That particular trimp is also fascinated with pink ribbons and likes to decorate its head fur with them. Because of its inherent inability to participate in rearing children, it isn't counted in the population. [Puchim@s Io, builder on the basis of Iori seen building in 1x10.]
26m02s: Zone 2, 44 pop, 5.5s RC with Z0/1.
It's some sort of tactical manual - tactical coordination. Coordination! He's starting to sort out some trimpese on the research he has done so far. It needs a lot of metal, so they won't be able to implement it for some time. Hopefully, they're still good one at a time, but these enemies seem to be getting bigger as we go along. Uh oh!
27m33s: Gym in Z2c5.
It's some sort of training dojo or sporting arena. The human examines the ruins, I think I can back-engineer drawings for this, get one built, and see what happens.
29m02s: 1g, 47 pop, 10.8s RC with Z1/2.
The two fighting trimps now with their gym and coordination are dodging and blocking enthusiastically, and making much faster ground against the bad guys then a little while ago when it was just one trimp fighting at a time and unable to avoid the enemy hitting back.
40m46s: Fresh turkimp in Z2c74, 63 pop, 7.9s RC, Sh1-10, Da1-5, Bo1-3, Ma1-3, Hm1-3, 6g.
Oh, wow, the laborers seem really hot after this turkimp. He cooks it up and tries a slice. It's really awesome! I have to work alongside his laboring trimps to share it, but I'm getting used to the gravity now. That scroll we found back in Z2c10 really helped. Trimps' techniques and appliances for handicapped individuals, and I'm really handicapped in this higher gravity. He joins the woodcutters with the turkimp; they're the most numerous resource laborer right now, building more gyms, enough that the block/dodge ability of the fighting trimps is almost caught up to the enemy's ability to cause damage.
43m15s: Zone 3, 63 pop, 7.9s RC with Z1/2.
I'm neglecting my science and trimp scientists are really expensive. Curiously, that grey-haired one can't speak all that well, only says "Tai" and "Shijou", but it can write and draw like nobody's business. It's the only scientist so far. [Puchim@s Takanya: Online references probably still claim that she can utter the first two syllables of any word, but she can actually utter only the first two kana syllables of someone's name, most often the given name of basis human Takane Shijou, who also has that habit. (All the utterances of the puchidoru are based on the speech foibles of their basis humans except maybe Piyopiyo, where I haven't seen anything match up so far.)]
47m32s: Finally, we can make drywall and houses. 59m30s: Z3c77, 94 pop, 7.8s RC.
Oh, those poor things are really struggling up at the front. These trimps are enthusiastic and know no fear, but I still feel like telling them to stop for a while. I don't have the heart to keep them from trying while they're still doing some damage.
1h05m24s: Zone 4, 107 pop, 9.3s RC with Z3/4. 1h15m26s: Zone 5, 120 pop, 8.2s RC with Z3/4.
"What is that?" the human asks. He has three scientists. His first does all the writing, but the other two can actually speak. One of them hops up on a rock spire beside the human to reach his eye level.
At the next ridge line, over the lowest and most passable gap in the terrain, this really mean looking hovering sausage monster.
"I dunno," the scientist trimp shrugs, "But it's making me hungry. Looks like a perfectly cooked frankfurter from here." [John Morell's dubious dirigibles.]
"Oh, yeah," the human nods, "that's a blimp."
"A blimp?" the trimp tilts its head quizzically at the human, "How could you know?"
"I wish I could tell you, little buddy," the human extends his arm braces to descend the pass on the side of the zone boundary in the boss enemy's direction, then grunts, "Let's go kill it."
1h16m11s: Z1c9, 120 pop, 10.3s RC with Z4/5. 1h33m34s: Zone 6, 151 pop, 7.4s RC with Z4/5.
1h33m54s: TP in Z1c3.
"What's this?" the human asks, having picked up the little square document with the curling corners.
"Oh," the hungry scientist looks at it, "It's a garden path, follow me."
"You want to lead me down the garden path?" the human says.
"Yeah," the scientist says.
"Are you kidding?" the human asks.
"No," says the other scientist, "We don't get human humor. Listen, these fighters can't go, let them wear themselves out here, then we'll take the next group through this garden."
"Okay," the human nods, watching two more trimps join the fray as he issues the Z5 coordination orders, "they're doing pretty well after all that block training research we just wrapped up." [That's a common artifact, even in normal games, Z5 Traintacular combines with many gyms, enough population to add several trainers, affording Blockmaster, which is expensive on a run zero, plus a break on Tion Z5, a 40% all-stat increase. I don't think Zach designed it into the game on purpose, it just worked out this way.]
1h34m07s: 151 pop, 10.5s RC with Z5/7. 1h37m44s: Drop from Z6c39, TP for 3.
"Now we have these access map frags we can use to route through the old trimpopoli," the scientist explains, "Atlimpis for food, Morimpa for gems, Everimp for metal, and Impazon for wood."
"What about the garden?" the human asks.
"Well, we got lucky with Tricky Paradise," the scientist says, "but you can randomize the route and maybe get lucky. What's with that look?"
"Somehow, I'm remembering 'frag' as something that blew up with deadly pieces," the human says. [Different video games - ones with better graphics and worse gameplay Ｏ(>▽<)Ｏ]
1h39m59s: Blues back up to the top on series I...
"Tai, Tai!" the first ever trimp scientist stops the human just before he upgrades the mace and dagger to Mk.6 and Mk. 8 respectively. It has a note for him.
"Why do you keep calling me that?" the human asks, "Do you think that's my name?"
"Shijou, Shijou," it nods as though to indicate, I KNOW it is. Then it proffers its note again. The human takes it and reads, "Don't upgrade the first row equipment right now."
"Why not?" the human asks.
"Shijou," it points at the end of the mapped route, where there's a scroll sticking out of the thistles.
2h24m07s: Zone 8, 224 pop, 12.2s RC with Z7/12.
"Your settlement is getting crowded, there's Trimps in the streets, and you're taking heat. You feel a sudden strong desire to create a map, though you're not quite sure how that would help."
2h49m10s: Zone 9, 357 pop, 9.5s RC with Z8/15.
"You can't shake the feeling that you've been here before. Déjà-vu?"
The trimps really seem to like the new high capacity mansions, and the village has rapidly expanded since they started building them.
"There's something familiar about this," the human says.
"Tai," the grey one that writes clings to his arm and shows him a note that says, "Don't give up now."
"We must persist," says the yellow one has found a foothold it can grab onto and grabs the human's shoulder gently, "If you give up to early, we'll never solve this. You'll be stuck here forever."
The human puts his hand over the trimp's paw on his shoulders, then looks at him, "I can die, too."
"No, you can't," the trimp says quietly, "Please don't test that, tall one."
"Death is just another path..." he remembers.
"Gan," the grey one squeaks. [That's the first two kana syllables of "Gandalf"]
"...one that we all must take," the human continues, "The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it-"
"A green mist," the yellow trimp interrupts, "flash of fire, we're all gone and our progress forgotten. The wandering stars return to that day, and you again crash that ship- ...a little better every time."
"Wait," the human looks around, "have I been here before?"
"I-" the yellow trimp tries in futility to share what little it knows, "...or... somebody got just a little coolant into the-"
"Into the what?"
"This side up," the grey one's note says.
"Into the that," the yellow one points at the note, "It really helped. You- ...I don't think we've ever had mansions before."
Well, of course they didn't have mansions before. That was one of my ship's data cards. How did it get way out here? Will anything start to make sense?
3h02m13s: Zone 10, 387 pop, 8.7s RC with Z8/15; '28s: 11.1s RC with Z9/19. 3h16m41s: Tough snimp after food book, L10 rand dept from lo-hi-med 118/25/96, 4 Items.
"That's twice our frags led us to gem-rich Moria," the human says.
"Morimpa," the new red trimp scientist corrects, there now being 5 scientists. [There'd be more if there were more turkimp.]
"The question is how do we use all these gems?" the human looks at the village zoning plans again, "I like those mansions and all, but they use hardly any gems compared to, well-" he gestures at the pile of over two dozen thousand gems they've gathered, "-that! And still a lot of wood and lumber."
"I think there's something," the yellow one sighs, "I wish I knew more."
Quite some time later, after they're done looting that route for equipment plans, the trimps are again advancing through Zone 10, and he hears it.
"Tai?" the grey one wonders.
"Where are you going?" the yellow one asks.
"To the farm," the human answers.
"Whatever for?" the red one seems exasperated.
"Shijou?" the grey one sighs, then looks at the fighting front. It's been around long enough to remember, "Shijou!"
"You guys already get so much to eat this doesn't do you much good," the human explains.
3h32m33s: L11 112/35/78 rand sea, dropped from Z11c6 with disband, 4.
"What's wrong?" the red one asks.
The human comforts one of the wounded. Once trimps start into a zone fight, they have to finish before they bleed out. He's really bothered making them desert in front of that second turkimp. "They had a lot left in them," he sighs, rubbing his eyes, "but we can't keep that much dead turkimp at once, we have to leave it alive to use up all of this one."
"Shijou," the grey one presents a note, "We need this map right away, anyway. Don't worry about it, Tightniks."
"Tightniks?" he looks at the grey one, "Is that me? How do you know?"
"Tai," the grey one points at the top of the human's left breast pocket.
"Ah, crud," the yellow one curls its tail around in front of itself as trimps do when they're embarrassed, "Is that really a name tag?"
The human hadn't even noticed it since the green flash blew up his memory as he was stepping out of the ship.
4h04m22s: Block (sub-8h AP is only 0.3%), taking it, 504 pop, 9.8s RC with Z10/24.
It's a pretty thick book about using shields for block instead of hit points. The pad has the stats analysis. Sh3-1 is only giving us 9% of our hit points. Turning to his trimp scientists, he says, "It seems to me to be worth it."
"Let's," the yellow one nods.
"Shijou," it hands him a note, "It scales badly, but that won't matter for a long time. I think there's a way to undo it before it matters."
"Doing it." The human takes out his pad and starts scanning.
4h29m05s: L14 rand moun 137/26/80 is really good for a lo-hi-med. 4h30m52s: Hotels.
"Ah," the yellow one says, "I knew there was something. That must be it."
5h08m09s: L15 lo-hi-hi rand gard 129/28/82 (just got explorers). 5h09m32s: Picked up Wall.
"Dam," the human says.
"Damn?" the red one chuckles.
"No," the human says, "Earthen wall dam; it's a thing that makes artificial lakes by holding rivers back."
"Lakes?" the yellow one asks, "Rivers?"
"Oh yeah," the human says, "This planet doesn't have enough rain for those..."
5h48m21: Leaving Wall from about c70 to fetch Tion Z15.
"You can't resume the map from the same point if you start another," the human reads the grey one's note.
"We can go back to the same point on that route if we hold there and finish Zone 15, right?" Tightniks asks.
"Shijou!" it seems to be saying yes.
"Yes," the yellow one adds, "but we're out of Series III upgrades, and you need a fresh map route to start up Series IV."
"We should be okay," Tightniks says, "but if we have to start it over, I don't see that being a big deal." As they advance through the rest of Zone 15, Tightniks resumes his usual duties at the research desk instead building and running traps like he was before.
The trimps seem hopeful at this decision.
5h49m10s: Fresh turkimp. 5h50m16s: Zone 16, 1071 pop, 13.4s RC with Z15/75, 13m43s turkimp (skel in c1.)
"Z:16 Seriously? Another Blimp so soon?"
"So," Tightniks lowers his bee nickels and looks at the red one, "is it going to be boss fights at the end of every zone from now on?"
"Hmm," the red trimp looks up past the human at some random rock spire or cloud.
"Well?" the human persists.
"Yup," he says.
"Hmph," Tightniks grabs a Sw3-1 of the rack and advances towards the front, "Before then, we have another Mister Titanium."
"What does he like about skeletimps?" the red one asks the grey one as the human marches off.
"Shijou?" the grey one seems just as confused by that.
"He's not going back to the ship, and he's not getting himself killed," the yellow one smiles, "so I'll take it."
5h58m32s...
"Hey guys, go for the mortar!" the human suggests to his 75 fighting trimps in the Wall's boss fight.
"I can tell from your bedtime stories that you're used to the artillery in that other place," the yellow one gripes, "but fighting works differently here, there's no artillery."
And the human instantly collapses laughing, the scientists a little worried he might have injured himself in the planet's severe gravity. But he's okay, at least physically, "Mortar is the stuff between the bricks, fellas. That's is a brickimp, right?"
5h59m18s: Wall, 1076 pop, 13.3s RC, 1% AP for sub-8h finish, first L16 roll good 156/35/84 moun, 10 for the metal.
Beyond the Wall was a more edenic section of the trimpolis ruins, doubling the production of the lumberjacks. The trimps are actually really happy with the mode of all of the laborers moving between the three big jobs, along with the turkimp, except for the foremen specialized at leading the job. It isn't enough to boost their productivity, but the human goes to them with trays of sandwiches.
6h06m52s: 50 map run 0.3% AP...
6h19m13s: Zone 17, 1141 pop, 16.0s RC with Z16/94, no turkimp.
"Z:17 You climb a large cliff and look out over the new Zone. Red dirt, scorched ground, and devastation. Is that a Dragimp flying around out there?!"
"Hmm," the human surveys the new zone with his bee nickels, "Looks like crap. Any ideas?"
"You're the idea man," the yellow one groans.
"Set the map flag," he puts his bee nickels away, "We'll run a depth for practice and to load up on gems for more hotels."
"Righto," the red one gets to work.
6h44m34s: First DCP. (Draglimp Care Package; I refuse to call it a tribute.)
"Oh," the human says, "It's tame now, so it brings back gems in exchange for food?" He looks at his gaping scientists, "That's what it looks like, huh? Guys? Yo!"
"Tai..." the grey one sighs.
Draglimp, the dragimp imprinted on Tightniks, lands beside the human, drops some gems at his feet, and accepts some scratching behind its horns before diving into the food bowl.
"You tamed a dragimp???" Grey's note says.
"Well," the yellow one huffs, "I guess that happened."
8h18m53s: L20 depth of 154/27/79.
"Mapping up here?" the red one half closes one eye and tilts his head.
"Yeah," the human says while fitting together the depth map fragments, "With the coordination book not right at the end, we have an extra mark of coordination to take advantage of. Let's take our housing up to 2000 or so, shall we?"
"Okay," the yellow one says from a pile of logs, "What's all the wood for?" They had been collecting it for days now.
"The series upgrades follow a rather specific pattern," Tightniks explains, "Just on the other side of this blimp is Zone 21, where we should be able to find the Shield series V, right?"
"Shijou!" the grey one nods.
8h56m17s: 1% AP for 100 map runs, leaving it, 1751 pop, 24.8s RC with Z20/232. 8h56m54s: Zone 21...
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from that."
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
"Shijou," the grey one says hopefully, and has a map drawn within a few minutes. [Whether it looks like the one in Puchim@s 1x61 is anyone's guess. That one annoyed me as well as Chihya.]
9h02m37s: L21 moun first roll was a decent 160/26/84. 9h21m00s: Starting run 5 of that map...
Tightniks had taken his anger out on some food and wood to build about 8000 traps. Now he's leaning against a rock spire in his increasingly tattered uniform. A nap begins, perhaps unintentionally.
Wild trimps are examining the pile, finding it unwelcoming, and also finding no place in the town, just mill about. It looks like they want to help.
"Ku?" it's a blue trimp, probably a farmer waiting for stuff to grow, climbs up on the rock spire the human is leaning against, starts patting him on the head, "Ku. Ku ku." [Puchim@s Chihya.]
9h23m09s: Still working that lap...
Tightniks wakes up from that nap, and the grey one is standing there. "Shijou," it says with a note of concern, although not much of one. The note it holds says, "It wasn't me."
"Oh, what wasn't you, buddy?" He stretches out a bit, feeling somewhat refreshed. It feels like somebody washed his face and hair while he was sleeping.
The grey one is also holding a small mirror, apparently broken off from a larger mirror and with the sharp edges filed down to make the edges safe.
The human takes it from the grey trimp and holds it in front of his face to discover that somebody has bound up all his hair into about twenty little pigtails. He touches them with his other hand to confirm. "Eh, whatever." He hands the mirror back and goes back to sleep. [Puchim@s Koamimami.]
9h30m08s: The following run...
"He's not throwing stuff every which way yet," the yellow one whispers to the red one, watching the human snoozing with his pad on his knee.
"You remember that, too?" the red one asks.
"'Remember'?" the yellow one turns to face the red one, "I s'pose that's better than imagining it."
"I remember it, too," the grey one says via a playing card sized note.
"If we're stuck in a time loop," the yellow one sighs, "maybe this cycle will be different."
"Tai..." the grey one admires him for a moment. Then thumbs in the direction of the mountain, "Heh, Shijou!" it laughs.
9h35m58s: Run 8, c9 of that map.
The scientists nap and take notes, and meditate and take notes, and draw stuff. The grey one often storyboards for the other nine because it's the best at drawing stuff. They have come up with a list, and most probably "order" (they're debating whether their ranking means "order" (sequence of things happening over the various loops) or "frequency" (what proportion of previous loops they have happened in). But they've come up with this, from first (or perhaps most often) to most recent (or perhaps least often):
- The ship crashes (they're pretty sure that happens every loop) - The human builds huts - The human teaches some of his trimps to speak and do science - The human builds houses - The human makes maps - The human builds mansions - The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp - The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels - The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp - The human only recently/rarely maps the Dimension of Anger
They're all agreed that that they have never finished the Dimension of Anger. What they are not all agreed on is that they've never done this conference to figure out whether they're in a time loop or what that might mean. [See also Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Cause and Effect" ...which was sort of a time loop but they weren't going back in time. It's very interesting, but its meta makes no sense - no one ever went looking for the Bozeman in 80 years? No one who went looking for the Bozeman also got stuck? No one noticed the passage of time outside the little area of space where the not-quite-a-time-loop was happening? Errr... sci-fi writers, don't be half-assed about your time loops, lmao! Be like Harold Ramis- ...what am I saying?? (That would be Groundhog Day, which grafted a time loop into a romcom; there are no other sci-fi elements. But it was a full-blown time loop and not half-assed like "Cause and Effect".)]
9h54m06s: Dropped from Z21c95...
I think it would be a bad idea to bypass that green area, as much as I'd rather not face it. Both his domesticated trimps, which are breeding up a new group of fighters, and the wild trimps he has decided just now not to open the traps for, stare at him and point in that direction. He shoulders a huge Shield V-3 and grabs an Mace IV-2 as well and announces, "We're doing it." Thus equipped, he marches off into the Dimension of Anger.
10h27m53s: Taking Pi4-2; recently had taken Pa4-2...
The group at the front had expired, and the snimp in DoAc95 glares at the advancing colony of trimps, which had halted only because of it. It refuses to counterattack the vulnerable colony and its human, instead snorting and huffing, waiting for the next bunch of 232 fighting trimps to come in range.
Tightniks runs along the line of traps, releasing the recently tamed trimps, singing a song that he doesn't remember the meaning of, that he doesn't remember was crafted by an ethnically Chinese guy out of an African language, and later mastered by two caucasians over the internet before they ever met in person. "Baba yetu yetu uliye, mbinguni yetu yetu amina..." because it just happened to be stuck in his head. [Because the Doylian author decided on a whim to. Christopher Tin got it into Civilization IV and at the time (2010 July), I made the best video for it on YouTube, which got subsequently blown to shreds when Peter Hollens and Malukah re-recorded the song from scratch in their own voices and instruments in 2014, pity with no English translation, the purpose of my video.]
Noticing the last batch of metal he needs coming out of the furnace, he waves the waiting grey scientist to fire up the forge [to use the term properly and not as the game does], for it was time to wrap up the forging dies for the Spetum IV, Mark 2 pike heads.
"Shijou!" the grey one cheers, setting aside a snack that looks like maybe ramen, and starts jumping up and down on the bellows handle.
It takes a while for the human to chip out the tip in the two halves of the forging die, and then polish it, and then heat it up in the forge, and then quench it, inspect it, and put it into service crafting thousands of new pike heads for the fighting trimps.
But only one second passed on the map frame clock (10h27m54s) four cells behind that snimp, in the case being brooded over by this huge, and if it's honest, rather concerned megablimp.
10h35m45: Portal PB, 45 He, 4.247 He/hr, 1891 pop, 22.7s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' mace heads bounces of it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Red, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Mace IV, Mark 3 with both hands and gets it over his shoulder, its target obviously this object, anger at the realization he screams at the top of his lungs, "We are stuck in a mutha FAH-king time loop!!" His swing begins. [Tightniks almost never cusses, unlike Snugniks.]