I’ve always hated the smell of gun oil. It clings to everything it touches, soaking deep into the fibers of my clothes, the lining of my backpack, the coarse hair on the back of my hands. Yet here I am, kneeling on the cracked linoleum of our mudroom, a Remington .308 laid across my thighs, and the stench of gun oil sharp in my nostrils. The early morning light barely scratches at the edges of the blinds, dim and gray like the belly of a dead fish.
My dad Frank is in the kitchen, clattering around with the coffeepot and mumbling under his breath. Today we’re heading up to the woods of Northern Michigan, same as we did every year before Leah… before we lost her.
I can’t help but feel the old scars throbbing as I load bullets into the magazine. It’s been ten years since that hunting trip, the one that tore my family into before and after. Before, when Leah's laughter was a constant soundtrack to our lives; after, when every silence was filled with her absence.
We were just kids back then. I was ten, Leah was eight. It was supposed to be a typical hunting trip, one of those bonding experiences Dad was always talking about. But things went wrong. We got separated from Dad somehow. One minute we were following him, the next we were lost, the dense woods closing in around us.
Dad says when he found me, I was huddled under a fallen tree, my eyes wide, my body frozen. All I could mutter through chattering teeth was "Dogman."
It was only later, after the search parties had combed through every thicket and hollow, that they found her. What remained of Leah was barely recognizable, the evidence of a brutal mauling undeniable. The authorities concluded it was likely a bear attack, but Dad... he never accepted that explanation. He had seen the tracks, too large and oddly shaped for any bear.
As I load another round, the memory flashes, unbidden and unwelcome. Large, hairy clawed hands reaching out towards us, impossibly big, grotesque in their form. Yet, the rest of the creature eludes me, a shadow just beyond the edge of my recall, leaving me with nothing but fragmented terrors and Leah’s haunting, echoing screams. My mind blocked most of it out, a self-defense mechanism, I guess.
For years after that day, sleep was a battleground. I'd wake up in strange places—kitchen floor, backyard, even at the edge of the nearby creek. My therapist said it was my mind's way of trying to resolve the unresolved, to wander back through the woods searching for Leah. But all I found in those sleepless nights was a deeper sense of loss.
It took time, a lot of therapy, and patience I didn't know I had, but the sleepwalking did eventually stop. I guess I started to find some semblance of peace.
I have mostly moved on with my life. The fragmentary memories of that day are still there, lurking in the corners of my mind, but they don’t dominate my thoughts like they used to. I just finished my sophomore year at Michigan State, majoring in Environmental Science.
As for Dad, the loss of Leah broke him. He became a shell of himself. It destroyed his marriage with Mom. He blamed himself for letting us out of his sight, for not protecting Leah. His life took on a single, consuming focus: finding the creature that killed her. He read every book, every article on cryptids and unexplained phenomena. He mapped sightings, connected dots across blurry photos and shaky testimonies of the Dogman.
But as the tenth anniversary of Leah’s death approaches, Dad's obsession has grown more intense. He’s started staying up late, poring over his maps and notes, muttering to himself about patterns and cycles. He’s convinced that the dogman reappears every ten years, and this is our window of opportunity to finally hunt it down.
I’m not nearly as convinced. The whole dogman thing seems like a coping mechanism, a way for Dad to channel his guilt and grief into something tangible, something he can fight against. But I decided to tag along on this trip, partly to keep an eye on him, partly because a small part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe, we’ll find some kind of closure out there in the woods.
I finish loading the rifle and set it aside, standing up to stretch my legs. I wipe my greasy hands on an old rag, trying to get rid of the smell. The early morning light is starting to seep into the room, casting long shadows across the floor.
Dad comes out of the kitchen with two thermoses of coffee in hand. His eyes are bleary and tired.
“You ready, Ryan?” he asks, handing me a thermos, his voice rough from too many sleepless nights.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I reply, trying to sound more confident than I felt.
We load our gear into the truck, the weight of our supplies and weapons a physical reminder of the burden we carry. The drive from Lansing across the Lower Peninsula is long and quiet, the silence between us filled with unspoken memories and unresolved grief.
—
The drive north is a blur of highway lines and the dull hum of the engine. I drift off, the landscape outside blending into a haze. In my sleep, fragments of that day with Leah replay like scattered pieces of a puzzle. I see her smile, the way she tugged at my sleeve, eager to explore. The sunlight filters through the trees in sharp, jagged streaks.
Then, the memory shifts—darker, disjointed. Leah's voice echoes, a playful laugh turning into a scream that pierces the air. The crunch of leaves underfoot as something heavy moves through the underbrush. I see a shadow, large and looming, not quite fitting the shapes of any creature I know.
Then, something darker creeps into the dream, something I’ve never allowed myself to remember clearly.
Before I can see what it is I wake up with a start as the truck jerks slightly on a rough patch of road. Dad glances over. "Bad dream?" he asks. I nod, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, the remnants of the dream clinging to me like the cold.
"Yeah, just... thinking about Leah," I manage to say.
As we drive, Dad attempts to bridge the silence with small talk. He asks about my finals, my plans for the summer, anything to keep the conversation going. His voice carries a forced cheerfulness, but it’s clear his heart isn’t in it. I respond when necessary, my answers brief, my gaze fixed on the passing scenery.
The landscape changes as we head further north, from flat expanses to rolling hills dotted with dense patches of forest. It's beautiful country, the kind that reminds you how vast and wild Michigan can be, but today it just feels oppressive, like it’s closing in on us.
—
We finally arrive at the cabin, nestled deep in the woods, its weathered wood blending seamlessly with the surrounding trees. The place hasn't changed much since the last time I was here—a relic from another time, filled with the echoes of our past. I can still see Leah running around the porch, her laughter ringing out into the forest.
Dad parks the truck, and we step out into the crisp air. The smell of pine and damp earth fills my nostrils. We start unloading our gear, the tension between us palpable.
“Let’s get this inside,” Dad says, his voice gruff as he hefts a duffel bag onto his shoulder.
I nod, grabbing my own bag and following him to the cabin. Inside, it’s a mix of old and new—the same rustic furniture, but with new hunting gear and maps strewn across the table. Dad’s obsession is evident in every corner of the room, a constant reminder of why we’re here.
As we unpack, we exchange strained attempts at normalcy. He talks about the latest cryptid sightings he’s read about, his eyes lighting up with a fervor that both worries and saddens me.
“Did you hear about the sighting up near Alpena?” he asks, laying out his maps on the table.
“Yeah, you mentioned it,” I reply, trying to muster some enthusiasm. “Do you really think there’s something to it?”
Dad’s eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I see a flicker of doubt. But it’s quickly replaced by grim determination. “I have to believe it, Ryan. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
We finish unpacking, the silence between us growing heavier with each passing minute. I step outside to clear my head, the cool air a welcome relief. The sun is starting to set, casting long shadows across the clearing. I can’t shake the feeling of unease.
"You can take the upstairs room," Dad mutters. His voice is strained, trying to sound normal, but it's clear the weight of the past is heavy on him. I nod, hauling my backpack up the creaking stairs to the small bedroom that I used to share with Leah. The room feels smaller now, or maybe I've just grown too much since those innocent days.
I unpack silently, setting my things aside. The bed is stiff and cold under my touch. As I settle in, I can't help but glance at the corner where Leah and I would huddle together, whispering secrets and making plans for adventures that would never happen. I push the thoughts away, focusing on the practicalities of unpacking.
After settling in, I go back downstairs to find Dad loading up a backpack with supplies for our hunt. The intensity in his eyes is palpable, his hands moving with practiced precision. I know this routine; it's one he's perfected over countless solo trips since that fateful day.
"We'll head out early," he says, not looking up from his task. "Gotta make the most of the daylight."
I nod, though unease curls in my stomach. I'm not just worried about what we might find—or not find—out there. I'm worried about him. Each year, the obsession seems to carve him out a bit more, leaving less of the Dad I knew.
—
The morning air is sharp with the scent of pine and wet earth as Dad and I head into the deeper parts of the forest. The terrain is rugged, familiar in its untamed beauty, but there’s a tension between us that makes the landscape feel alien. Dad moves with a purposeful stride, his eyes scanning the woods around us. Every snap of a twig, every rustle in the underbrush seems to draw his attention. He’s on edge, and it puts me on edge too.
As we walk, my mind drifts back to that day ten years ago. I can almost hear Leah’s voice echoing through the trees, her high-pitched call as she darted ahead, "Catch me, Ryan!" I remember how the sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting dancing shadows on the ground. Those memories are so vivid, so tangible, it feels like I could just turn a corner and see her there, waiting for us.
Dad suddenly stops and kneels, examining the ground. He points out a set of tracks that are too large for a deer, with an unusual gait pattern. "It’s been here, Ry. I’m telling you, it’s close," he whispers, a mixture of excitement and something darker in his voice. I nod, though I’m not sure what to believe. Part of me wants to dismiss it all as grief-fueled obsession, but another part, the part that heard Leah's scream and saw something monstrous in the woods that day, isn’t so sure.
As we continue, Dad's comments become increasingly cryptic. "You know, they say the dogman moves in cycles, drawn to certain places, certain times. Like it’s tied to the land itself," he muses, more to himself than to me. His fixation on the creature has always been intense, but now it borders on mania.
We set up a makeshift blind near a clearing where Dad insists the creature will pass. Hours drag by with little to see but the occasional bird or distant deer.
The sun rises higher in the sky, casting long, slender shadows through the dense canopy. I shift uncomfortably in my spot, the forest floor hard and unyielding beneath me. My eyes dart between the trees, hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything, to break the monotony. Dad, on the other hand, remains steadfast, his gaze fixed on the treeline as if he can will the dogman into existence by sheer force of will.
A bird chirps nearby, startling me. I sigh and adjust my grip on the rifle. I glance over at Dad.
“Anything?” I ask, more out of boredom than genuine curiosity.
“Not yet,” he replies, his voice tight. “But it’s out there. I know it.”
I nod, even though I’m not sure I believe him. The forest seems too quiet, too still. Maybe we’re chasing ghosts.
As the sun begins its descent, the forest is bathed in a warm, golden light. The air cools, and a breeze rustles the leaves. I shiver, more from anticipation than the cold. The long hours of sitting and waiting are starting to wear on me.
“Let’s call it a day for now,” Dad says finally, his voice heavy with disappointment. “We’ll head back to the cabin, get some rest, and try again tomorrow.”
I stand and stretch, feeling the stiffness in my muscles. We pack up our gear in silence and start the trek back to the cabin. The walk is long and quiet, the only sounds are the crunch of leaves underfoot and the distant calls of birds settling in for the night.
—
Dinner is a quiet affair, both of us lost in our thoughts. I try to make small talk, asking Dad about his plans for tomorrow, but it feels forced. We clean up in silence.
After dinner, I retreat to the small bedroom. The fatigue from the day's hike has settled into my bones, but sleep still feels like a distant hope. I lie down, staring at the ceiling, the room cloaked in darkness save for the sliver of moonlight creeping through the window. Downstairs, I hear the faint sound of Dad moving around, likely unable to sleep himself.
I drift into sleep, but it's not restful. My dreams pull me back to that fateful day in the woods. Leah's voice is clear and vibrant, her laughter echoing through the trees. She looks just as she did then—bright-eyed and full of life, her blonde hair catching the sunlight as she runs ahead of me.
"Come on, Ry! You can't catch me!" she taunts, her voice playful and teasing.
I chase after her, but the scene shifts abruptly. The sky darkens, the woods around us growing dense and foreboding. Leah's laughter fades, replaced by a chilling silence. I see her ahead, standing still, her back to me.
"Leah?" I call out, my voice trembling. She turns slowly, her eyes wide and filled with fear. "Ryan, you have to remember," she says, her voice barely a whisper. "It wasn't what you think. You need to know the truth."
Leah’s words hang in the air, cryptic and unsettling. Before I can respond, she turns and starts running again, her figure becoming a blur among the trees. Panic rises in my chest as I sprint after her, my feet pounding against the forest floor.
“Leah, wait!” I shout, desperation lacing my voice. The forest around me seems to close in, the trees towering and twisted, shadows dancing menacingly in the dim light. I push forward, trying to keep her in sight, but she’s too fast, slipping away like a wisp of smoke.
Suddenly, there’s a rustle, a flash of movement in the corner of my vision. Leah screams, a sound that pierces through the heavy silence. It happens too quickly—I can’t see what it is, only a dark blur that snatches her up.
“Leah!” I scream, my voice breaking. I stumble, falling to my knees as the forest spins around me. My heart races, and the terror is so real, so visceral, that it pulls me back to that awful day, the one that changed everything.
I jolt awake, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
I sit up, wiping the cold sweat from my forehead as I try to steady my breathing. The room is still dark, the shadows cast by the moonlight seem to flicker and dance on the walls. My heart is still racing from the nightmare, the echo of Leah's scream lingering in my ears.
As I struggle to calm down, the floorboards outside my room creak. The door opens slowly, and I see the silhouette of my dad in the doorway, a Bowie knife in his hand, his posture tense.
“Dad, what the hell are you doing?” I whisper, my voice shaking.
“Shh,” he hisses, holding up a hand to silence me. “I heard something. Something moving around in the cabin. Stay quiet.”
I swallow hard, my mouth dry. I glance at the clock on the nightstand—it’s just past three in the morning. The cabin is silent, the kind of deep, oppressive silence that makes every small sound seem louder. I can’t hear anything out of the ordinary, but Dad’s expression is deadly serious.
He motions for me to get up, and I do, moving as quietly as I can. My heart is racing, a mix of lingering fear from the dream and the sudden, sharp anxiety of the present moment. Dad leads the way, stepping cautiously out of the bedroom and into the hallway, the knife held ready in front of him.
We move through the cabin, checking each room in turn. The living room is empty, the furniture casting long shadows in the dim moonlight. The kitchen is just as we left it, the plates from dinner still drying on the counter. Everything seems normal, untouched.
We finish our sweep of the cabin without finding anything amiss. The silence is heavy, punctuated only by our soft footfalls. I can see the tension in Dad’s frame, his grip on the knife unwavering. After checking the last room, we pause in the dimly lit hallway, the air thick with unspoken questions.
“There’s nothing here,” I say, my voice low. “Are you sure you heard something?”
He looks at me, his eyes searching for something in my face. “I heard growling. Deep and close. It was right outside the window.”
“Maybe it was just an animal outside, a raccoon or something?” I suggest, although the certainty in his voice makes me doubt my own reassurance.
“No, it wasn’t like that. It was different,” he insists, his voice tense.
I nod, not wanting to argue, but the seeds of worry are planted deep.
The look in his eyes sends a chill down my spine. It’s not just fear—it’s desperation. The kind of desperation that comes from years of chasing shadows and finding nothing. I can see the toll this hunt has taken on him, the way it’s worn him down, turned him into a man I barely recognize.
We head back to our rooms. As I lie down, my mind races with thoughts of my dad. I can’t help but wonder if he’s losing it, if the years of grief and guilt have finally pushed him over the edge.
Dad wasn’t always like this. Before Leah’s death, he was the kind of father who took us fishing, helped with homework, and told terrible jokes that made us groan and laugh at the same time. He was solid, dependable. But losing Leah changed him. The guilt twisted him into someone I barely recognize, someone driven by a need for answers, for closure, that may never come.
I try to sleep, but my thoughts keep me awake. I can hear Dad moving around downstairs, probably pacing or double-checking the locks. His paranoia has become a constant presence, and I don’t know how to help him. I don’t even know if I can help him.
—
The next morning, the sunlight filters weakly through the cabin windows, casting a pale light that does little to lift the heavy mood. I drag myself out of bed, feeling the exhaustion of another restless night. Dad is already up, hunched over his maps at the kitchen table, his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep.
“Morning,” I mumble, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I pour myself a cup of coffee. “Did you sleep at all?”
He shakes his head, not looking up from his notes. “Not much. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I heard last night.”
I sip my coffee, trying to shake off the remnants of my nightmare. “Maybe it was just an animal, Dad. We’re deep in the woods, after all.”
He finally looks up, his eyes intense. “Ryan, I know what I heard. It wasn’t just an animal. It was something else.”
I sigh, not wanting to argue. “Okay, fine, Dad. What’s the plan for today?”
“We’re going back out. I found some tracks yesterday, and I want to follow them. See where they lead.”
I nod, feeling a mix of apprehension and resignation. I can see how much this means to him, how desperate he is for any kind of lead. “Alright. Let’s get packed and head out.”
We spend the morning preparing, loading up our gear and double-checking our supplies. Dad is meticulous, going over everything with a fine-toothed comb. I try to match his focus, but my mind keeps drifting back to Leah and the dream I had. Her words echo in my head, cryptic and unsettling: “You need to know the truth.”
We set off into the woods, the air crisp and cool. The forest is alive with the sounds of birds and rustling leaves, but it all feels distant, like background noise to the tension between us. Dad leads the way, his eyes scanning the ground for any sign of the tracks he found yesterday.
As we walk, I can’t help but notice how erratically he’s acting. He mutters to himself, his eyes darting around as if expecting something to jump out at us. His grip on his rifle is tight, his knuckles white.
“Dad, are you okay?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
He glances at me, his expression unreadable. “I’m fine. Just focused.”
He stops frequently to examine the ground or the bark of trees, pointing out marks and signs that seem meaningless to me.
“Look at this,” he says, crouching down to examine a broken branch. “See how it’s snapped? That’s not a deer or a bear. That’s something bigger. Stronger.”
I crouch next to Dad, squinting at the broken branch. To me, it just looks like a regular broken branch, the kind you see all over the forest. "I don't know, Dad. It just looks like a branch to me," I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.
Dad's eyes flicker with frustration. "You're not looking close enough. It's the way it's snapped—too clean, too deliberate. Something did this."
I nod, not wanting to argue. "Okay, sure. But even if you're right, it could be anything. A storm, another hunter..."
His expression hardens. "I know what I'm looking for. This is different."
I sigh, feeling the weight of the past and the tension between us pressing down on me. "Dad, I had a dream last night. About Leah." The words hang in the air between us, heavy and fraught with unspoken emotions.
Dad's eyes widen, and he straightens up, his entire demeanor shifting. "What kind of dream? What did you see?" His voice is urgent, almost desperate.
"It was... strange. We were in the woods, like we are now, but everything felt different. Leah was there, running ahead of me, laughing. Then she stopped and told me I needed to know the truth, that it wasn't what I thought."
Dad grabs my shoulders, his grip tight. "What else did she say? Did she tell you anything specific? Anything about the creature?"
I shake my head, feeling a chill run down my spine. "No, that was it. She just said I needed to know the truth, and then she was gone."
Dad’s grip on my shoulders tightens, and his eyes bore into mine with a mixture of desperation and hope. “Ryan, you have to try to remember. Think hard. What did the creature look like? Did you see anything else?”
I pull back slightly, uneasy with his intensity. “Dad, I told you. I don’t remember. It was just a dream. A nightmare, really. My mind’s probably just mixing things up.”
He lets go of me and runs a hand through his hair, looking frustrated and lost. “Dreams can be important. They can hold memories we’ve buried deep. Please, try to remember. This could be a sign, a clue.”
I rub my temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache. “I’ve tried, okay? I’ve tried for years to piece together what happened that day. But it’s all just fragments, like pieces of a puzzle that don’t fit. The dream… it felt real, but I don’t think it’s telling me anything new.”
Dad’s face falls, and he looks older than I’ve ever seen him. He turns away, staring into the forest as if it holds all the answers.
—
As we make our way back to the cabin, the sun begins to set, casting long shadows through the trees. The air grows colder, and I shiver, pulling my jacket tighter around me. Dad is silent, lost in his thoughts, his face drawn and haggard.
Back at the cabin, we unload our gear once again in silence. Dad disappears into his room, muttering something about going over his notes. I decide to explore the cabin, hoping to find something that might help me understand what’s going on with him.
In the attic, I find a box of old family photos and documents. As I sift through the contents, I come across a worn journal with Dad’s handwriting on the cover. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I open it, flipping through the pages.
The journal is filled with notes and sketches, detailing his obsession with the dogman. But there’s something else—entries that talk about Leah, about that day in the woods. His handwriting becomes more erratic, the words harder to read. One entry stands out, dated just a few days after Leah’s death:
“June 15, 2013 – It was supposed to be a normal trip. Keep them close, Frank, I kept telling myself. But I failed. Leah is gone, and it’s my fault. I heard her scream, saw the shadows. I tried to get to her, but… the thing, it was there. Too fast. Too strong. My hands… blood everywhere. No one will believe me. I can’t even believe myself. I have to find it. I have to protect Ryan. I have to make it right. God, what have I done?”
Before I can read further, the attic door creaks open, and Dad’s voice slices through the stillness.
“What are you doing up here?” His tone is sharp, almost panicked.
I turn to see him standing in the doorway, his face pale and his eyes wide with something between anger and fear. I clutch the journal to my chest, my mind racing. “I found this… I was just trying to understand…”
In an instant, he crosses the room and snatches the journal from my hands. His grip is tight, his knuckles white. “You had no right,” he growls, his voice trembling.
“Dad, I just wanted to know the truth!” I shout, frustration boiling over. “What really happened to Leah.”
His eyes flash with a mix of rage and anguish, and before I can react, he slaps me across the face. The force of it knocks me off balance, and I stumble backward, my cheek stinging.
For a moment, there’s a stunned silence. We both stand there, breathing hard, the air thick with tension.
“I’m sorry,” Dad says finally, his voice barely a whisper. “I didn’t mean to… I just…” He trails off, clutching the journal to his chest like a lifeline.
I touch my cheek, feeling the heat from the slap, and take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “Dad, what aren’t you telling me? What really happened that day?”
“Stay out of it, Ryan,” Dad growls, his eyes dark with anger. “You don’t know what you’re messing with.”
He turns and storms out of the attic. I’m left standing there, my cheek throbbing, my mind racing. What the fuck is going on? What really happened to Leah? And what is Dad so afraid of?
—
That night, I sleep with my rifle within arm's reach, more afraid of my dad than any dogman. The slap still burns on my cheek, and the look in his eyes—rage, fear, something darker—haunts me. I lie awake, listening to the creaks and groans of the old cabin, every sound amplified in the stillness. Eventually, exhaustion pulls me under, and I fall into a restless sleep.
The dream returns, vivid and unsettling. I'm back in the woods, chasing after Leah. Her laughter echoes through the trees, a haunting reminder of happier times. This time, though, I push myself harder, refusing to let her slip away.
"Ryan, catch me!" she calls, her voice playful.
"I'm coming, Leah!" I shout, my legs pumping, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
The forest around us is a twisted, shadowy maze, the trees seeming to close in on us. Leah's figure becomes clearer, her blonde hair catching the dim light filtering through the canopy. She stops suddenly, turning to face me, her eyes wide with fear.
"Leah, what is it?" I ask, my voice trembling.
"Look behind you," she whispers, her voice barely audible.
I turn slowly, dread creeping up my spine. In the shadows, I see a figure, its form indistinct and shifting. It’s not quite animal, not quite human—something in between. The sight of it sends a jolt of terror through me, and I wake up with a start, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
I’m not in my bed. The ground beneath me is cold and hard, the smell of damp earth filling my nostrils. Panic rises as I realize I’ve sleepwalked into the woods. I scramble to my feet, my eyes adjusting to the dim light. The moon casts a pale glow over the surroundings, revealing what looks like a long-abandoned animal lair.
The walls are covered in giant claw marks, deep gouges in the wood and earth. The air is heavy with the scent of decay, and a chill runs through me. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched.
Carefully, I start to move, my eyes scanning the ground, desperate for a familiar landmark. That's when I see them—faded scraps of fabric caught on the jagged edges of the underbrush. My steps falter, a sense of dread washing over me as I bend down to examine them. The fabric is torn, weathered by time and the elements, but unmistakably familiar. It's part of Leah's jacket—the bright pink one she wore on the day she disappeared.
As I strain to make sense of it all, a rustling sound behind me snaps my focus. My heart leaps into my throat. I spin around, my hand instinctively reaching for the rifle I don't have—because, of course, I didn't bring it in my unconscious state.
The shadowy figure that emerges from the trees is unsettlingly familiar, mirroring the menacing forms of my nightmares. But as it steps into the moonlight, I recognize the worn jacket, the weary posture. It's Dad.
"Ryan!" he calls out, his voice a mix of relief and stern concern. "I've been looking everywhere for you. What the hell are you doing out here?"
I exhale slowly, the terror ebbing away as reality sets back in. "I—I don't know, Dad. I must've sleepwalked again." My voice is shaky, my earlier dream still clinging to the edges of my consciousness.
Dad stares at me in disbelief. "You haven't sleepwalked since you were a kid, Ry. This... this isn't just a coincidence." His eyes dart around, taking in the surroundings—the eerie, claw-marked den, the unsettling quiet of the woods. "How did you even find this place?"
I shake my head, struggling to find an answer. "I don't know, Dad. I just... I woke up here." The uncertainty in my voice does nothing to ease the tension.
His eyes lock onto the tattered remains of Leah's jacket in my hands, and something inside him snaps. The color drains from his face as he stumbles a few steps backward. "This... this is where it happened," he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper. “This is where we found Leah."
“I thought you said you don’t remember anything from that night,” he says accusingly.
"I swear, Dad, I don't know anything about this place," I insist, my own heart pounding.
“It was you, wasn’t it? You’ve been hiding this from me.” His voice is frantic. “You... last night, the growling, it was you.” His voice rises, tinged with hysteria.
I step back, my pulse racing, feeling the chill of the night and the weight of his accusation. "Dad, I don't know what you're talking ab—”
"No!" he interrupts, his voice breaking as he points a trembling finger at me. "You knew, you always knew. It was you, Ryan. All these years, the evidence was right there, but I refused to see it. You were the dogman. You killed Leah!"
His words hit me like a physical blow, absurd and horrifying in their implications. "Dad, you're not making any sense. You're talking crazy! I was just a little kid! How could I–" I protest, my voice shaky.
He steps closer, his presence looming over me, the outline of his figure distorted by the shadows of the trees. "Think about it! It all makes sense now. You led us here, to this place, because you remember. Because you did it."
"Dad, stop it!" I shout, my heart pounding in my chest. "You're scaring me. You need help, professional help. This isn't you."
But he's beyond reason, his eyes wild with a haunted grief. "I have to end this," he mutters, more to himself than to me, his hand tightening around his rifle.
His finger hovers dangerously over the trigger of his rifle. My instincts kick in, and I know I have to act fast.
I lunge toward him, trying to knock the weapon away, but he's quicker than I expected. We struggle, our breaths heavy in the cold night air, the sounds of our scuffle the only noise in the otherwise silent woods. His strength surprises me, fueled by his frantic emotions. He shoves me back, and I stumble over a root, my balance lost for a crucial second. That's all he needs. He raises his rifle, his intentions clear in his wild, pained eyes.
I dive to the ground just as the shot rings out, a deafening blast that echoes ominously through the trees. The bullet whizzes past, narrowly missing me, embedding itself in the bark of an old pine. I scramble to my feet, my heart pounding in my ears, and I start running. The underbrush claws at my clothes and skin, but I push through, driven by a primal urge to survive.
"Dad, stop! It's me, Ryan!" I shout back as I dodge between the trees. Another shot breaks the silence, closer this time, sending splinters of wood flying from a nearby tree trunk. It's surreal, being hunted by my own father, a man tormented by grief and lost in his delusions.
I don't stop to look back. I can hear him crashing through the forest behind me, his heavy breaths and muttered curses carried on the wind. The terrain is rough, and I'm fueled by adrenaline, but exhaustion is setting in. I need a plan.
Ahead, I see a rocky outcrop and make a split-second decision to head for it. It offers a chance to hide, to catch my breath and maybe reason with him if he catches up. As I reach the rocks, I slip behind the largest one, my body pressed tight against the cold, damp surface. I hear his footsteps approaching, slow and cautious now.
As I press against the rock, trying to calm my racing heart, I can hear Dad's footsteps drawing closer, each step crunching ominously on the forest floor. He's methodical, deliberate, like a hunter stalking his prey.
“Come out, Ryan!” Dad’s voice is ragged, filled with a blend of fury and pain.
My heart pounds against my chest, the cold sweat on my back making me shiver against the rough surface of the rock. I know I can't just sit here; it's only a matter of time before he finds me.
Taking a deep breath, I peek around the edge of the rock, trying to gauge his position. I see him, rifle raised, scanning the area slowly. This might be my only chance to end this madness without further violence. I need to disarm him, to talk some sense into him if I can.
As quietly as I can, I move out from behind the rock, my steps careful to avoid any twigs or leaves that might betray my position. I'm almost upon him when a branch snaps under my foot—a sound so trivial yet so alarmingly loud in the quiet of the woods.
Dad whirls around, looking completely unhinged. "Ryan!" he exclaims, his rifle swinging in my direction. Panic overtakes me, and I lunge forward, my hands reaching for the gun.
We struggle, the rifle between us, our breaths heavy and erratic. "Dad, please, stop!" I plead, trying to wrestle the gun away. But he's strong, stronger than I expected.
In the chaos, the rifle goes off. The sound is deafening, a sharp echo that seems to reverberate off every tree around us. Pain explodes in my abdomen, sharp and burning, like nothing I've ever felt before. I stagger back, my hands instinctively going to the wound. The warmth of my own blood coats my fingers, stark and terrifying.
Dad drops the rifle, his eyes wide with horror. "Oh my God! What have I done?" he gasps, rushing to my side as I collapse onto the forest floor.
As the pain sears through me, a strange, overpowering energy surges within. It's wild, primal, unlike anything I've ever experienced. Looking down in horror, my hands are no longer hands but large, hairy, clawed appendages. The transformation is rapid, consuming—my vision blurs, senses heighten, and a raw, guttural growl builds in my throat.
In that moment, a flood of understanding washes over me, mingling with the horror of realization. These are the hands of the creature from my nightmares, the creature whose face I can never fully recall because, as I now understand, it is me.
What happens next feels detached, as if I'm no longer in control of my own actions, watching from a distance as my body moves on its own. I turn towards my dad, his face a mask of terror. He stumbles back, his eyes wide with the dawning realization of what his son has become.
The forest around us seems to fall silent, holding its breath as the nightmarish scene unfolds. I can hear my own growls, guttural and deep, filling the air with a sound that's both foreign and intimately familiar. The pain in my abdomen fuels a dark, violent urge, an urge that's too strong to resist.
With a ferocity that feels both alien and intrinsic, I move towards him. My dad, paralyzed by fear and shock, doesn't run. Maybe he can't. Maybe he doesn't want to.
The encounter was brutal and swift, a blur of motion and violence. My dad barely puts up a struggle, as though resigned to his fate.
Not that there is anything he can do. The creature that I’ve become is too powerful, too consumed by the wild instincts surging through me. I tear him apart, limb from bloody limb, my hands—no, my claws—rending through fabric and flesh with disgusting ease.
The sound of my dad’s screams, of tearing fabric and flesh is drowned out by the animalistic growls that echo through the trees.
When it’s all over, the red mist that had clouded my vision begins to fade, and the fierce, uncontrollable rage that drove my actions subsides. I'm left standing, my breaths heavy and erratic, in the eerie stillness of the forest. The transformation reverses as quickly as it came on, and I find myself back in my human form. My clothes are ripped to shreds, hanging off my frame in tattered remnants. At my feet lies what’s left of my dad, his body torn and unrecognizable.
I glance down at my abdomen, expecting agony, but instead find my wound miraculously healed. No sign of the gunshot remains, just a faint scar where I expected a bloody mess.
Shock sets in, a numbing disbelief mixed with a gut-wrenching realization of what I've become and what I've done. My hands, now human again, tremble as I look at them, half-expecting to see the claws that had so effortlessly ripped through flesh and bone. But there's only blood, my father's blood against my skin.
I stand there for what feels like an eternity, trapped in a nightmare of my own making.
Eventually, the shock wears thin, and a cold practicality takes hold. I need to get out of here. I need to cover my tracks, to disappear. Because who would believe this? Who would understand that I didn't choose this, that I'm not a monster by choice?
With trembling hands, I do what’s necessary. I bury my dad in a shallow grave, the physical act of digging strangely grounding. I cover him with leaves and branches, a pitiful attempt to hide the brutality of his end. I take a moment, whispering apologies into the wind, knowing full well that nothing I say can change what happened.
I leave the forest behind, my mind a whirl of dark thoughts. As I walk, the first hints of dawn brush against the horizon, the sky bleeding a soft pink. It’s hauntingly beautiful.

I slept fine, I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I don’t know why, I felt perfectly adequate all evening and then bam I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know how or why, and I didn’t even cry over anything in particular it was just any and everything. And I just kept crying and crying, like a baby. I had to switch pillows twice because I drenched it, but I got to sleep on my favourite pillow by the time I was almost asleep thankfully. I can be so picky with pillows, another thing mum tends to call me, even to this day - the princess and the pea. Or rather she likens me to her… I can’t entirely say I disagree tbh. I just like things a particular way, not all things, I can be relaxed about plenty, but there are some things I just to be just so. My pillows when I sleep for example, how the dishwasher top rack is stacked etc. Entirely inconsequential things really. But anyway. I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I woke up feeling better, still a bit sad but nothing I couldn’t ignore.
It’s now 12:58pm and I’ve done next to nothing. I’ve been watching BT, I’m not writing the name of the show because I feel like that might be search heavy at the moment? So I’ve been watching that, I’m midway through the third episode now and there are four out so far. I’ve also painted some of my lil clay things with primer. And that’s about it. I really need to clean and tidy my room but the idea of it… ugh. I don’t want to :(
I’m loving BT so much. I like the stories and characters and stuff, but I mostly love the sets and costumes. They’re just so luxuriously opulent and uggghhhhhhh I want to just stare it all. Sometimes I wish they would clear out the cast and just give us a tour of the rooms and show all the details of the gowns. But like I learned in therapy, beauty is something I value highly, not in a vain way but in the way I utterly adore beautiful things whether it be a stunningly ornate wallpaper, a sparkly bead encrusted gown or even a leaf that is the perfect shade of green. I just love it all and it brings me so much joy, more than I realised now that I’m conscious of this value of mine. But the BT house itself, particularly the drawing room ommmmgggg. The blue? I think it’s called wedgewood blue from memory, with the creamy/white detailing. And all the light streaming through. It’s so dreamy. And it makes me love my blue and white bedroom more. And the gowns!!!!!!! I wish I could roll around in them, they’re so sparkly and detailed and beyond beautiful. Particularly the ones crusted in beading and with the luxurious silks and satins and velvets and taffetas and organza and all of it. And the colours! It’s all so dreamy. I don’t overly love the style of a lot of the gowns, that sort of empire line, mainly because it only looks good on women with fewer curves and a flatter chest, they can look gorrrrrrrgeous in them. But otherwise if you have any kind of cleavage it looks so weird and bleh. I love Penelope so much, she’s always been a favourite character and she honestly deserves the very best. And Colin definitely got a glow up prior to this season. His brown coat is so delicious. I’m beginning to wonder if I should read the series…? I do love a lil historical romance. Anyway I don’t even Penelope and Colin to end up together, I mean Lord Debling is so lovely and Colin is off sleeping with hookers… like? Then again I know I am wrong in how I think and feel about all of this. I know I have expectations ghat are unfair, I mean maybe not for everyone but if I’m nothing special and therefore not enough then can I criticise. This doesn’t make sense. Anyway. Actually nevermind I just watched the fourth episode and I am very much Team Colin. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!! But now I have to wait for part two in mid June :(
I’m going to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to. But oh well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back in twice a week - I’ve been slack with it and it doesn’t help me become better. Leaving the house more is important, so this shall be one of the ways. I’m also going to get some new sneakers and a walking jacket so I can go for walks more regularly. I’d like to go several times a week, but I’ll work up to that. I love my walks, I love them a lot but I just get filled with every negative emotion when I go for them around my house, to the point I’ll start having tears running down my cheeks or shaky trembly hands - it’s pathetic. I think environment is everything, and purpose. When I walk pups at my parents I don’t feel these things, I’ll be a little anxy but nothing I can’t manage. But here? It’s so hard. It’s so stupid I know. But I love walking, I feel better when I do it regularly, so I shall keep forcing myself to do it until I feel okay about it. I know this is what I have to do, but the way it makes me feel inside… it never feels worth it. To be 20 minutes walk from home and feel on the verge of a panic attack is NOT a good feeling and it only makes my panic worsen. So baby steps. I’ve been considering on and off moving to a different area, I think I would feel more comfortable in other areas, I don’t know why I don’t here but I don’t. But moving elsewhere is no different to running from problems so I will sort it out here.
I broke his little bowl. I didn’t mean to :( I feel kind of upset about it, it’s been two weeks in the making with time to shape, dry, prime and I was doing a final layer of primer pre paint and my stupid finger went through the base. So I guess it would never have been a good present anyway because it broke so easily. But I bought a really pretty coloured paint because I thought he might like it and I just feel upset. I showed him it, idk why, I just messaged him a picture of it now and I already wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have even made anything for him in the first place, he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t care for homemade things - cards, presents, whatever. If he did like them he would comment on them, and he never does, so maybe it’s a good thing this broke. I just like sharing things with him, like when I draw and I like a tree I’ve drawn I want to show him, except I don’t because I’m utterly rubbish at drawing and it makes me look like a five year old. I at least appreciate his honesty, or transparency rather. It means I can understand what he does and doesn’t like. I just think his likes don’t mesh with my like of making homemade cards and presents. It’s not like I only give him that though. Anyway it doesn’t matter, plus it’s probably better for me to not share things like this given I don’t have any skill or natural talent with it. Just because you enjoy something doesn’t make you good at it.
I don’t feel so great this afternoon, mood wise.
I’ve done the absolute bare minimum with my room, and the bar was set very, very low today. I tidied the floor up a bit, I made my bed, did a lazy tidy of my vanity desk thing.. that’s about it. I’ll do more across the week.
I feel.. detached today. This afternoon, rather. I know I love my family, Andy, puppy… etc. I just can’t feel it. I know it’s all in there, but I feel detached and I can’t reach it. This isn’t unusual, I just always try to describe the feeling and always fail. I think knowing I care but not being able to feel myself care sums it up as well as I’ll ever be able to.
I found a little notebook of my early days of therapy, well with this current one, maybe not that early actually but idk. It was just me writing down who I am. The first is “I am a human” because I had to start with the basics. The last line is “I try my best to be friendly” - I think I will continue with this. No one really comments much on me so I will just write it as things feel write. From memory it was also a way to force myself to speak more kindly to myself, ie I am a woman vs I am a monster. And things like I’m generous, I love animals, I am quiet, I try to be patient, I love romance, I appreciate attention to detail, I like to care for others, I am a homebody, I love reading etc. And then scattered amongst it was some honesty, like I can be a control freak, I am quite particular about some things, I am indecisive, I am sensitive etc. And then next to I am a friend I have a question mark. But I want to continue writing these things, I think it’s helpful when I feel lost in myself to be able to read through a list of things I’ve written and be reminded. That sounds so silly to not know who you are sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so unbelievably lost and unmoored from everything, even myself. So I’ll write all the good things, and the bad. I’ll write things that I like, things that I don’t. I’ll write things I want in my life, things I feel like I should want but don’t, things I shouldn’t want but do etc etc etc. It’ll be a little tiny notebook of everything me. I wonder if sometimes it’s possible for me to get any lamer? Unlikely.
I’ve been thinking about stopping journaling here more and more. I get more out of posting it here, it feels like a release, like I’m letting all the thoughts go which is especially helpful with my negative ones, I don’t know.
It’s 5:23pm. I need to wash and blowdry my hair, as it’s still damp in the morning lately. I need to have something for dinner, I guess. I’ve been struggling with eating lately, I feel so ugly and it makes me not want to eat and then that sets off a bad string of things. I’ll have something little, vegemite toast maybe. I need to pack my bag for tomorrow. And that’s it.
I feel better after a shower and chat with Andy, I still feel not good but he perked me up on the outside. He makes me laugh so much :) It’s kind of weird to think I’ll be living long term in Australia, like I’ve always intended on living there - until my mental health and covid messed things up a little for me timeline wise. But to think I’ll maybe say Australian things…? That I’ll say thongs? And I definitely will because I cave quickly, like I was only in the UK two years and I said crisps and trainers and I still do to this day, which I’m actively trying to stop. I wonder what my accent would sound like after like ten years… I really doubt I’d ever lose my accent. It’s funny how I do probably sound a bit different when talking to him versus my mum. I just talk more softly with him, I naturally do anyway to the point I have people comment semi regularly on how soft spoken I am, but idk, I don’t even mean to speak to him a certain way, I just do? And then he hears me talking to mum and I probably sound like I’m wearing Jandals and stubbies while loading up the ute as I prepare for a tramp in the bush. Christ. I do love being from here though, in theory I would rather we live here than Australia, and never say never… but it makes more sense to be there. I don’t really have anyone here other than my parents whereas he has family and friends and his payments and all of it. I don’t really have any ties here. Anyway.
I get to spend time with him tonight :) Night night

I met my husband when I was young, ten years ago. He was my second boyfriend and is from a different culture, so there were things I both didn’t understand and was fascinated by.
I am doing trauma therapy right now and learning about damaging relationships in light of my childhood. As I’m reading about the abuse a narcissistic parents imbues on their child it’s crashing into me that I might be doing this all over again.
He’s done so many things that make me believe and know he loves me. But I’m worried I shouldn’t have overlooked the red flags.. - the time when, after I made a photo book of all our dates for his first birthday, he forgot mine that year and then showed up with a bouquet of flowers and argued with me about why he couldn’t be there (I traveled to see him at work). He’s forgotten it again since. - shortly after we got married I found out he had been snapchat messaging his ex. He saved loads of their chats somehow and I stumbled upon them as he received a snap at an odd time. The texts had started when we were dating, included sexting, and he told her she’d always be his first love. He told me it was a mistake and I didn’t want to give up so easily. Nothing I know of has happened since. - he hasn’t had a job in four years. I have broken myself emotionally from trying to keep us afloat, but he spends his days playing video games. - when we get in arguments and he flat out refuses to speak to me until I apologize. - he dreams of the day I give up everything and move back to his home and family, despite the fact I’m the only one that works.
He was the one who insisted on marrying me and moved to be with me but reading patterns of abusive relationships I’m starting to wonder if it’s not just my parents who took advantage of my desire to be seen and loved. Am I making the mistake of both our lives? I also want to be a loving and understanding wife because I struggle with mental health issues and he struggles with neurological disabilities. But how much of this is me being too nice and him being too something? I really love him but I’ve been hurt so bad and I can’t even trust myself anymore.

Proof: https://imgur.com/a/cAZELal
If there is anything you are interested in, just let me know. I am always willing to hear any offer. The worst thing I will do is shoot back a counteroffer.
Payment plans are available. More details at the bottom of the post.
All non-pms are on coinsales
All Prices are USD
I am Located in the US
I prefer chat, but pms are fine
I prefer to make sales, but I am willing to entertain trades.
For any coins you may want still shots of, or possibly a video in different lighting, please let me know. I will never have an issue doing this.
I have US coins and foreign coins. Look through it all, you may find something you did not know you wanted. If you want something I do not have, let me know. I may possibly be able to obtain some, or I could already have it.
All grades are my personal opinion, except those that are professionally graded. All Coins I marked as damaged, for the most part, I am unsure if they would grade straight or not; I just wanted to be transparent about them even though they still may be straight grade.
I promise to never give anyone my password and I have 2FA enabled.
Dollars
1879 S MS65 DMPL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/dSM7SRF (1400.00)
1879 S MS64 Morgan (Toner in a Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/Te21BkM (135.00)
Images: https://imgur.com/a/bXzRSU3
1880 S MS64 Morgan (Semi PL and Purple Toner in a Gen 1 Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/wLZeRnc (195.00)
1881 S MS63 VAM-1A Morgan (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/Dp3GFsK (85.00)
1884 O MS67 Morgan (Crazy Mega Toner) https://imgur.com/a/R97TekR (4200.00)
1884 O MS63 DMPL Morgan (Purple Toner in a Gen 1 Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/K8LT2xN (500.00)
1884 CC MS64 Morgan (Toner in a Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/b9NofJA (550.00)
1884 CC MS64 Morgan (Semi PL Lust Bomb in a Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/YyD6l6w (515.00)
1886 MS62 PL Morgan (Rattler) https://imgur.com/a/vMDnM9P (200.00)
1892 O Morgan High VF (Bright) https://imgur.com/a/ku4xPq5 (55.00)
1896 Morgan Belt Buckle https://imgur.com/a/VcyvNjP (45.00)
1896 Morgan AU (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/e7c4enc (50.00)
1896 Morgan AU (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/g01zDBo (50.00)
1896 AU Morgan https://imgur.com/a/Rc313b7 (40.00)
1898 Morgan AU (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/TzJgNcA (50.00)
1898 MS62PL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/BycvAyH (150.00)
1900 Lafayette MS60 Soap Box (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/JZdDjVm (900.00)
1921 MS63 PL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/eRBR2Nw (500.00)
1921 MS63 PL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/VfFMADA (500.00)
1921 MS63 Peace Dollar (Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/UbYm0VG (1050.00)
1923 MS63 Peace Dollar (Gen 2 Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/9yg4TVy (70.00)
1934 D MS62 DBL DIE OBV VAM-3 Peace Dollar (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/ScGb7bg (350.00)
1934 D AU58 VAM-3 DDO LG D Peace Dollar (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/dHDSh01 (250.00)
1972 S PR69DCAM Silver Ike https://imgur.com/a/ZvzTrmV (30.00)
1972 S PR69DCAM Silver Ike https://imgur.com/a/6L9ztbd (30.00)
1973 S PR69DCAM Silver Ike https://imgur.com/a/yqKTUSf (40.00)
1997 Proof Silver Eagle (OGP) https://imgur.com/a/kZd3qoZ (80.00)
2005 Silver Eagle First Strike MS69 https://imgur.com/a/pxRPFuS (40.00)
2005 Silver Eagle MS69 https://imgur.com/a/zxzSuSv (38.00)
2005 Silver Eagle MS69 https://imgur.com/a/GCkFghF (35.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/Yl2VsqP
2011 Silver Eagle First Strike Struck at San Francisco MS69 https://imgur.com/a/wbiDsUC (40.00)
2013 (S) Silver Eagle First Strike Struck at San Francisco MS69 https://imgur.com/a/X5IzVR9 (40.00)
2013 (S) Silver Eagle Early Releases Struck at San Francisco MS69 https://imgur.com/a/SV5Xj43 (40.00)
2021 Peace Dollar in OGP https://imgur.com/a/BlwZkB5 (205.00)
Half Dollars
1854 O G Seated Half https://imgur.com/a/5YDXLlt (30.00)
1877 G Seated Half Dollar (Cleaned) https://imgur.com/a/GiX4bzc (25.00)
1892 AG Barber Half https://imgur.com/a/AFFhmVx (35.00)
1916 S AG Walking Liberty Half https://imgur.com/a/1weOxxW (50.00)
1921 S AG Walking Liberty Half https://imgur.com/a/enXOi59 (50.00)
1936 York Half Dollar (Green CAC and Rattler) https://imgur.com/a/1BD0GBz (280.00)
1946 AU58 Half Dollar DDR (Subtle Blue and Gold Toner in a Soap Box) https://imgur.com/a/cnLo0uV (325.00)
Error Link: https://www.pcgs.com/coinfacts/coin/1946-50c-doubled-die-reverse/6632
1953 D MS64FBL Franklin (Crack on Case, so the Price is Discounted) https://imgur.com/a/ag9u9xU (40.00)
1956 PF67 Type 2 Franklin (Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/wSp88Pe (60.00)
1958 MS66 Franklin (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/xPXZujb (75.00)
1960 PR65 Franklin (Rattler) https://imgur.com/a/YNKqQ9G (40.00)
1962 PF67 Franklin (Toner in a Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/gzkvg20 (40.00)
1962 PF67 Franklin (Toner in a Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/TNSnBme (35.00)
1963 PF66 Ultra Cameo Franklin https://imgur.com/a/WNMCpYG (130.00)
2014 S PR69DCAM First Strike Limited Edition PR Set Kennedy Half https://imgur.com/a/CDL35LL (35.00)
Quarters
1871 S G Seated Quarter (Key Date!) (Counterstamped) https://imgur.com/a/yfl3y0h (425.00)
1893 S Barber Quarter VG (Gorgeous Toner) https://imgur.com/a/WcLNcJb (35.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/mr6RPW0
1905 O Barber Quarter F https://imgur.com/a/mntr7ex (48.00)
1x Face (1936, 1936, 1937 D, 1945) (Under Melt!) https://imgur.com/a/5G9pq7N (22.00)
Dimes
1837 F Dime (Bent) https://imgur.com/a/Aa5Ats5 (30.00)
1929 D MS64FB Merc (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/vK1aCx4 (175.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/VAeQgL2
1942 MS65FB Mercury Dime (OGH) https://imgur.com/a/BoyszIc (45.00)
1944 MS66 Mercury Dime (Green CAC and Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/srJTfWG (70.00)
1957 D MS66 Dime (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/Cfl2KJY (40.00)
1964 PF68 Ultra Cameo Dime https://imgur.com/a/0jkPTSz (40.00)
Anicents
Maximinus I Denarius MS ⅘, ⅘ https://imgur.com/a/5u7GLt1 (350.00)
ROMAN EMPIRE: Maximinus I, AD 235-238, AR Denarius (20mm, 3.59 gm, 12h). NGC MS 4/5 - 4/5. Rome, ca. January AD 236-April AD 238. MAXIMINVS PIVS AVG GERM, laureate, draped, cuirassed bust of Maximinus I right / FIDES M-I-LITVM, Fides standing facing, head left, with standard in each hand, one on each side. RIC IV.II 18A.
Shipping for coins (non-coins vary) is 5 Dollars for 12 ounces total weight or less, 8 dollars for over 12 ounces; I am accepting Zelle (Preferred), PPFF (No notes pls), Cashpp, and Venmo FF (No notes pls). (USA only for these rates, special rates of other locations).
For Canada: Shipping for coins (non-coins vary) is 15 Dollars for 8 ounces total weight or less, 23 Dollars for 9 ounces or more.
I can risky ship anything that can be reasonable sent in a regular envelope with a stamp or two for a dollar of shipping
Disclaimer: I lose all responsibility once I drop the package at the post office, but I will help in any way I can for any issues that occur. I will ship once payment clears (once it no longer says pending in my bank account) (Zelle normally is good to go the next day, PP and Venmo can take a few days). Also, deposits can be made for any item for 25 percent or more of the agreed price, but the deposit is nonrefundable. All Payments are nonrefundable.

Proof: https://imgur.com/a/cAZELal
If there is anything you are interested in, just let me know. I am always willing to hear any offer. The worst thing I will do is shoot back a counteroffer.
Payment plans are available. More details at the bottom of the post.
All non-pms are on coinsales
All Prices are USD
I am Located in the US
I prefer chat, but pms are fine
I prefer to make sales, but I am willing to entertain trades.
For any coins you may want still shots of, or possibly a video in different lighting, please let me know. I will never have an issue doing this.
I have US coins and foreign coins. Look through it all, you may find something you did not know you wanted. If you want something I do not have, let me know. I may possibly be able to obtain some, or I could already have it.
All grades are my personal opinion, except those that are professionally graded. All Coins I marked as damaged, for the most part, I am unsure if they would grade straight or not; I just wanted to be transparent about them even though they still may be straight grade.
I promise to never give anyone my password and I have 2FA enabled.
Dollars
1879 S MS65 DMPL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/dSM7SRF (1400.00)
1879 S MS64 Morgan (Toner in a Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/Te21BkM (135.00)
Images: https://imgur.com/a/bXzRSU3
1880 S MS64 Morgan (Semi PL and Purple Toner in a Gen 1 Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/wLZeRnc (195.00)
1881 S MS63 VAM-1A Morgan (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/Dp3GFsK (85.00)
1884 O MS67 Morgan (Crazy Mega Toner) https://imgur.com/a/R97TekR (4200.00)
1884 O MS63 DMPL Morgan (Purple Toner in a Gen 1 Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/K8LT2xN (500.00)
1884 CC MS64 Morgan (Toner in a Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/b9NofJA (550.00)
1884 CC MS64 Morgan (Semi PL Lust Bomb in a Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/YyD6l6w (515.00)
1886 MS62 PL Morgan (Rattler) https://imgur.com/a/vMDnM9P (200.00)
1892 O Morgan High VF (Bright) https://imgur.com/a/ku4xPq5 (55.00)
1896 Morgan Belt Buckle https://imgur.com/a/VcyvNjP (45.00)
1896 Morgan AU (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/e7c4enc (50.00)
1896 Morgan AU (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/g01zDBo (50.00)
1896 AU Morgan https://imgur.com/a/Rc313b7 (40.00)
1898 Morgan AU (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/TzJgNcA (50.00)
1898 MS62PL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/BycvAyH (150.00)
1900 Lafayette MS60 Soap Box (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/JZdDjVm (900.00)
1921 MS63 PL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/eRBR2Nw (500.00)
1921 MS63 PL Morgan (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/VfFMADA (500.00)
1921 MS63 Peace Dollar (Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/UbYm0VG (1050.00)
1923 MS63 Peace Dollar (Gen 2 Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/9yg4TVy (70.00)
1934 D MS62 DBL DIE OBV VAM-3 Peace Dollar (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/ScGb7bg (350.00)
1934 D AU58 VAM-3 DDO LG D Peace Dollar (Soapbox) https://imgur.com/a/dHDSh01 (250.00)
1972 S PR69DCAM Silver Ike https://imgur.com/a/ZvzTrmV (30.00)
1972 S PR69DCAM Silver Ike https://imgur.com/a/6L9ztbd (30.00)
1973 S PR69DCAM Silver Ike https://imgur.com/a/yqKTUSf (40.00)
1997 Proof Silver Eagle (OGP) https://imgur.com/a/kZd3qoZ (80.00)
2005 Silver Eagle First Strike MS69 https://imgur.com/a/pxRPFuS (40.00)
2005 Silver Eagle MS69 https://imgur.com/a/zxzSuSv (38.00)
2005 Silver Eagle MS69 https://imgur.com/a/GCkFghF (35.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/Yl2VsqP
2011 Silver Eagle First Strike Struck at San Francisco MS69 https://imgur.com/a/wbiDsUC (40.00)
2013 (S) Silver Eagle First Strike Struck at San Francisco MS69 https://imgur.com/a/X5IzVR9 (40.00)
2013 (S) Silver Eagle Early Releases Struck at San Francisco MS69 https://imgur.com/a/SV5Xj43 (40.00)
2021 Peace Dollar in OGP https://imgur.com/a/BlwZkB5 (205.00)
Half Dollars
1854 O G Seated Half https://imgur.com/a/5YDXLlt (30.00)
1877 G Seated Half Dollar (Cleaned) https://imgur.com/a/GiX4bzc (25.00)
1892 AG Barber Half https://imgur.com/a/AFFhmVx (35.00)
1916 S AG Walking Liberty Half https://imgur.com/a/1weOxxW (50.00)
1921 S AG Walking Liberty Half https://imgur.com/a/enXOi59 (50.00)
1936 York Half Dollar (Green CAC and Rattler) https://imgur.com/a/1BD0GBz (280.00)
1946 AU58 Half Dollar DDR (Subtle Blue and Gold Toner in a Soap Box) https://imgur.com/a/cnLo0uV (325.00)
Error Link: https://www.pcgs.com/coinfacts/coin/1946-50c-doubled-die-reverse/6632
1953 D MS64FBL Franklin (Crack on Case, so the Price is Discounted) https://imgur.com/a/ag9u9xU (40.00)
1956 PF67 Type 2 Franklin (Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/wSp88Pe (60.00)
1958 MS66 Franklin (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/xPXZujb (75.00)
1960 PR65 Franklin (Rattler) https://imgur.com/a/YNKqQ9G (40.00)
1962 PF67 Franklin (Toner in a Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/gzkvg20 (40.00)
1962 PF67 Franklin (Toner in a Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/TNSnBme (35.00)
1963 PF66 Ultra Cameo Franklin https://imgur.com/a/WNMCpYG (130.00)
2014 S PR69DCAM First Strike Limited Edition PR Set Kennedy Half https://imgur.com/a/CDL35LL (35.00)
Quarters
1871 S G Seated Quarter (Key Date!) (Counterstamped) https://imgur.com/a/yfl3y0h (425.00)
1893 S Barber Quarter VG (Gorgeous Toner) https://imgur.com/a/WcLNcJb (35.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/mr6RPW0
1905 O Barber Quarter F https://imgur.com/a/mntr7ex (48.00)
1x Face (1936, 1936, 1937 D, 1945) (Under Melt!) https://imgur.com/a/5G9pq7N (22.00)
Dimes
1837 F Dime (Bent) https://imgur.com/a/Aa5Ats5 (30.00)
1929 D MS64FB Merc (Toned) https://imgur.com/a/vK1aCx4 (175.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/VAeQgL2
1942 MS65FB Mercury Dime (OGH) https://imgur.com/a/BoyszIc (45.00)
1944 MS66 Mercury Dime (Green CAC and Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/srJTfWG (70.00)
1957 D MS66 Dime (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/Cfl2KJY (40.00)
1964 PF68 Ultra Cameo Dime https://imgur.com/a/0jkPTSz (40.00)
1982 No P Dime (Rattler! and Haze) https://imgur.com/a/c7AQGiQ (450.00)
Video 2: https://imgur.com/a/y3i4wos
Images: https://imgur.com/a/OC0PJPN
Nickels
1938 D MS63 Buffalo Nickel (Fatty) https://imgur.com/a/hunfpfF (30.00)
1942 PR63 Jefferson Nickel (Toner) https://imgur.com/a/C91dcKR (50.00)
1963 PF69 Cameo Nickel (Very Pretty Coin) https://imgur.com/a/ESByy63 (50.00)
Cents
1858 Flying Eagle Cent FR https://imgur.com/a/7uqYwO1 (12.00)
1873 Open 3 AU Details Corrosion IHC (Attractive Coin!) https://imgur.com/a/nuAw0vJ (125.00)
1937 S MS66 RD Wheat Penny https://imgur.com/a/A4wskUD (30.00)
1946-D MS67 RED Soapbox https://imgur.com/a/JCwe4i1 (145.00)
Anicents
Maximinus I Denarius MS ⅘, ⅘ https://imgur.com/a/5u7GLt1 (350.00)
ROMAN EMPIRE: Maximinus I, AD 235-238, AR Denarius (20mm, 3.59 gm, 12h). NGC MS 4/5 - 4/5. Rome, ca. January AD 236-April AD 238. MAXIMINVS PIVS AVG GERM, laureate, draped, cuirassed bust of Maximinus I right / FIDES M-I-LITVM, Fides standing facing, head left, with standard in each hand, one on each side. RIC IV.II 18A.
Shipping for coins (non-coins vary) is 5 Dollars for 12 ounces total weight or less, 8 dollars for over 12 ounces; I am accepting Zelle (Preferred), PPFF (No notes pls), Cashpp, and Venmo FF (No notes pls). (USA only for these rates, special rates of other locations).
For Canada: Shipping for coins (non-coins vary) is 15 Dollars for 8 ounces total weight or less, 23 Dollars for 9 ounces or more.
I can risky ship anything that can be reasonable sent in a regular envelope with a stamp or two for a dollar of shipping
Disclaimer: I lose all responsibility once I drop the package at the post office, but I will help in any way I can for any issues that occur. I will ship once payment clears (once it no longer says pending in my bank account) (Zelle normally is good to go the next day, PP and Venmo can take a few days). Also, deposits can be made for any item for 25 percent or more of the agreed price, but the deposit is nonrefundable. All Payments are nonrefundable.

I have KP on my upper arms and legs, but my arms are the main problem. I've tried exfoliating lotions and toners and I saw no improvement. The only difference I've seen is when I started using an African exfoliating net, but even then, the difference is minimal.
Over time I noticed that the KP on my left arm was much more faint and had almost no bumps when I felt it, but the KP on my right arm had more than twice the amount of red spots that were darker and had way more bumps. I couldn't figure out why until I realised that every time I'm in a car, I'm always in the passenger seat with my left arm out the window, in direct sunlight. I've heard that sunlight has helped people with their KP before, but the risks aren't worth it for me. If sunlight helps my KP, would a Vitamin D supplement work as well? Or do those two treatments work for different reasons? Would something like red light therapy help if my KP responds to light?

Please do not read this if you don't want to hear about how I v*. This is kind of a super long rant in too much unnecessary detail about a trip I got back from recently where my worst fear came true and it actually wasn't that bad. I will not describe the event in great detail but I will describe it and use some potentially triggering words.
I have been petrified of flying since I was in kindergarten and tu on a plane and flying has always been extremely difficult for me (not scared of crashing, just v*). I've always been able to get through it but it has been completely debilitating at times and for that reason, I have not gone on plane trips more than 2+ hours. I have had some extremely rough trips (in terms of emet) but I have always gotten through it. I ended up needing to go on a trip for work from Seattle to D.C. and was freaking out over it for the 3 months leading up to it. The day finally came and I was shaking, I wasn't able to sleep that night so my head hurt and was just feeling so s*. I ate as lightly as I could because I didn't want to feel faint and weak on an 8hr travel day or that would make it worse. I thought I was doing okay on the way to the airport, I cried and freaked out before I walked in, then I went to check in and do TSA. As I was going through TSA I just started to feel reallly bad and like I needed to use the restroom.
On top of this being the longest travel day I've had in almost 15 years, I was also traveling for the first time without my family and only people I have worked with for a few years. I warned them I was an anxious flyer so they knew.
I got there super early and was waiting at the gate and my stomach was getting heavier and heavier from anxiety and I decided that I would rather tu now and maybe get it over with than for it to happen on the plane, so I went to the bathroom and got a wet paper towel for my head and neck, blasted my comfort song in my headphones, and stood over the bowl and imagined licking the inside so I would g*g. I wasn't able to tu the first few times I tried and eventually went back to the gate after having some anxiety bowel movements. I was also scared of someone else coming into the bathroom and hearing me g*g. I went back 2 more times and the last time I did tu just a little bit. I ended up kind of pressing my fists into my stomach and forcing it out.
I have been on this journey with my emet since I was in 2nd grade (I am now 21) and my biggest fear besides v* is v* outside of the comfort of my own home. I have gotten through v* in other places besides my home (thank you, 10 years of therapy!) and was just trying to remind myself the whole time that I survived those times and in 12 hours this wouldn't even matter. Thinking about how many 8 hour chunks of my life I have gotten through and that this specific one would just be a bad memory one day. I tu twice and survived. I was scared and able to cope with the fact that it was possible I could tu on the flight but at least I could prepare. And guess what, I survived all my flights without v* and had an amazing time in D.C.
Eating on planes has always been seemingly impossible for me, but I knew I would have to eat on the plane to survive (and to feel better). I was super jealous that the people I was traveling with were eating meals before the flight without any issue when I was struggling to eat half a cracker. But with deep breaths, water, and listening to my comfort songs I was able to eat two oranges and a granola bar. I felt better after eating and survived the flights. I guess I am just proud of myself for doing this thing that I never would've imagined possible for me 10 years ago (maybe even 5?)
You really are stronger than you think you are. I have committed to a 10 hour trip next February and I worry about it every single day, but I just remember this day where I survived and I know I can do it again. I am not going to let this phobia ruin my life and prevent me from seeing the world.
(Also I highly recommend Hello Meteor and Macabre Plaza as bands to listen to if you ever end up needing to v* they made the experience just a little better).

I have KP on my upper arms and legs, but my arms are the main problem. I've tried exfoliating lotions and toners and I saw no improvement. The only difference I've seen is when I started using an African exfoliating net, but even then, the difference is minimal.
Over time I noticed that the KP on my left arm was much more faint and had almost no bumps when I felt it, but the KP on my right arm had more than twice the amount of red spots that were darker and had way more bumps. I couldn't figure out why until I realised that every time I'm in a car, I'm always in the passenger seat with my left arm out the window, in direct sunlight. I've heard that sunlight has helped people with their KP before, but the risks aren't worth it for me. If sunlight helps my KP, would a Vitamin D supplement work as well? Or do those two treatments work for different reasons? Would something like red light therapy help if my KP responds to light?

Also my haemoglobin lvl came out to 15.9g/dL (14.0-17.5). So i believe my iron lvl is some what okay but don't know abt ferritin. Also I'm facin with high deficiency of Vit D (15.8) so please advice me what i should do.

https://ibb.co/mXc6Pyw
My daughter, 15F, started feeling ill Apr 28. It started with fever, body ache, and congestion/sinus pain and cough and ear ache, and deep fatigue. We treated with advil/tylenol, figuring it was just a normal cold. It was getting worse and throat was very inflamed (though not sore, apparently) with those white spots so started clarithromycin May 5 (allergic to amoxicillin). Did a course of 7 days, twice daily. May 6 we started doing peridex rinse 2x day, and saltwater baking soda rinse every 2 hours. A couple days into this routine, her throat started hurting badly but the fever and other symptoms started getting better. But throat has been steadily getting worse, along with pain in the back of the head and neck, and still a bit of a cough. The doctor prescribed another course of clarithromycin since the throat is still inflamed with white spots (picture in link is current). We are on day 3 of the second course of clarithromycin. We have had a swab come back negative for strep and a mono blood test also come back negative. The pain in throat, back of the head and neck seems to be getting worse, worst in the mornings upon waking. The tylenol and advil do help the pain.
If it's not strep or mono, what else could this be?
(Taking vit D 5000iu/day due to deficiency, and iron supplement as well, normal dose)

Wanna keep this brief because I’m currently dizzy and just focusing on it any longer than I need to makes me feel worse.
I have random out of nowhere dizzy spells. Sometimes I wake up dizzy and only feel better if I am able to go back to sleep (which isn’t always an option so I feel terrible for a good while). Other times I stand up or sit up (not particularly fast) and about fall over from dizziness. And other times I can be out and about and suddenly find myself swaying (this one usually has the shortest duration, but still leaves me as equally shaken).
Admittedly I’m not the best at drinking enough water or electrolyte drinks, I see that dehydration is the most common cause of dizziness. Also, I have a lower than average blood pressure rate, around an average of 85/55.
I’ve seen doctors in the past that have said it’s anxiety, which very much is a chicken or the egg situation because this dizziness FILLS me with anxiety. I never know when it’s coming or if I’ll be alone with my toddler, unable to help him or might possibly drop him.
I’ve also been checked for bppv with no findings but since they couldn’t help me they just said maybe it’s labyrinthitis/vestibular neuritis and had me do physical therapy.
Lastly blood work comes back normal. No anemia or deficiencies.
Sometimes I go months with no dizzy spells and sometimes I get them multiple days in a row. I can never pinpoint what it is or when it will strike. I’m grateful that the duration is generally short, hardly ever more than several hours. Usually gets better after sleep or drinking something like Gatorade or water with LMNT. Sometimes the duration of the dizziness FEELS longer than it actually is because I’m so shaken up by it that I am left obsessing over what it was and I feel traumatized.
Anybody have the same symptoms? Anybody have a diagnosis? Any medical tests I should request? I’d love ANY AND ALL advice any of you would like to share. Like I’ve previously mentioned, I’ve seen doctors, but there’s never a true solution, or really even any particular advice. Everything is vague on their end, and because it’s short lived, it’s never really “caught in the act” at any appointments. Luckily I’m not having this everyday or even all that often but when I do I have a really hard time bouncing back mentally/emotionally. I’d appreciate anything at this point.
Ok back to sleep.

You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.

I think I’m scared to lose weight from the attention I’ll be receiving. I don’t really want to look thinner or sexier. I don’t know what to do to change my mind. I’m trying to figure out a way to rewire my brain to accept the comments on my progress as a positive but it just makes me fearful. It might be because I don’t really connect with my body. I was sexually abused as a child and in my adult life so I’m not sure how to connect.
I don’t want to get to a point where I need medical intervention for any reason but I really don’t want it to show. I know this is all psychological but I can’t seem to reverse it. Has anyone went through something similar?
I try to eat healthy as much as possible and I don’t mind working out. But as soon as I see results I freak out. I can’t even weigh myself because I obsess over the numbers and feel unsafe when it goes down. Maximum I lost was 10lbs and I checked out after that and probably gained them back.
EDIT: I have been through years of therapy and intense prolonged exposure therapy that helped tame my main diagnoses (which is CPTSD and PNES) I have been thankfully able to recover and thrive. But this is just something that I can’t figure out how to rewire and overcome. I’d hate to go back to therapy.

My former girlfriend Dakota and I started out as childhood best friends in kindergarten. I did move a few states over for a couple years before moving back, but we religiously mailed each other and called as much as we could. Our parents each joked that we were like sisters, so jokes on them when we got together as girlfriends in 10th grade.
Dakota and I had our ups and downs and we both did a lot of growing as people over the years, but in my humble opinion, we were solid even ten years later, engaged and saving up for marriage, when the car accident happened. Dakota died from sepsis from her injuries, so it was a rollercoaster to deal with the crash, to have her stabilized in hospital and visit her while being told prognosis of PT, and then for her to nose dive again, and finally to lose her. I struggled with grief but my family and friends were huge aspects of my support network. Even Dakota’s parents were a huge help, which I’ll forever be grateful for. After three years of abstaining, I dipped my toes into dating again, with a few dud relationships that eventually fell apart for various reasons, ranging from not meshing to differing points in our lives, before I met my current boyfriend Michael. We have since been together for almost a year and a half at this point.
The ring in question is a simple silver crown shaped band I wear on my right ring finger. When I was in the depth of my grief, it helped a great deal to fidget with it as it helped remind myself to treat myself as a queen, to be gentle and patient with myself, to remember I was loved and love will come again and life will improve, “there is a light at the end of the tunnel”, that sort of thing. I’ve explained to Michael that while Dakota gave it to me, it has also taken on a meaning of self love and self care. He insists that I can at least just wear it on a necklace so that it’s not on my hand where everyone can see constantly, and I’d still be able to fidget with it in a way similar to my normal method and still have it on my person. I’m not a necklace person though, and it felt awkward and uncomfortable around my neck despite giving it two months to adjust. I stopped wearing it as a necklace, going without for a few weeks before I told him I’d like to return to wearing it on my hand, which started a huge fight about how I am prioritizing Dakota over Michael. But other than the ring, he hasn’t been able to tell me any other times that I made him feel second rate, despite me asking genuinely many times during our talks, not even about the ring, before this fight. As in I’ve been checking in about my grief concerning Dakota and how it impacts him, and he doesn’t care about the grave visitations, or when I talk about her or my history with her, but it’s the ring that seems to be the issue. I won’t lie: I feel guilty because he “puts up with” me visiting Dakota’s grave each month or how she features in childhood memories that get brought up, not even by me but by my family.
I need to know if I’m blinded here and missing a reasonable upset to the point I’m being cruel, or if I can talk with him about getting a mediator like a couples therapist to help us both talk our sides better without getting lost in emotional translation. I’ve found having a third party helps when words get mired, either in speaking or hearing, in emotional background noise. I would love us to go to therapy together as it is, but if he’s 110% reasonable and my attachment to the ring is not, then I don’t want to pressure anything.

Hey guys, so I figured I’d make a post on healing from toxic mold. I haven’t been on here lately because I truly feel like I’ve got to a point where I no longer needed to rely on this account with all the different treatments I’ve been focusing on for the last 11 months. I feel incredibly good and truly feel like I’ve gotten my self back. I do have some symptoms left, but it’s so tolerable. Now I know my body is healing. My family moved out of toxic mold last July and 2023. I never thought I would ever feel this good again. I felt so lost and I thought that was gonna be my life forever. Everything I have done has been consistently used, especially taking herbs, binders, and antifungals, and really digging deeper than just mold toxicity. We all know we have parasites, so that was a huge one for me. I also have a lot of heavy metals that I’ve been tackling toxicity, candida, overgrowth, and chronic Lyme. Everything that I did range from some hyperbaric oxygen chamber sessions, biofeedback, qest, NAET therapy, foot detox baths, body/emotion code, herbs that are broad spectrum to tackle everything I’m dealing with, anti fungals, and binders. I did infared sauna a few times, but I would get too sick. I would love to try it again now that I’m feeling a lot better.
I was taking almost 15 different types of supplements which I won’t name all because I finally found a couple that has helped me the most I wouldn’t want anyone to waste their money on the other herbs/ supplements.
Supplements they i feel like has really helped me
Bodybio pc Armra I01 (this one has given me the most results) Golden thread from supreme nutrition Takesumi which is a binder.
I took way too many other ones that may have helped, but didn’t really move the needle for me like these have .
Now I’m down to just taking the i01 and armra and i truly feel so dang good and amazing.
if you are someone dealing with mold toxicity and maybe chronic lyme, I hope this can help you and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I truly felt like there wasn’t when I was in the thick of it, but with persistence on finding all kinds of ways to heal, you will get there .
On the bright side of everything because I know that everyone wants to know results I’ve been doing bio feedback which has been telling me my fungal and mold numbers and since taking one of the supplements was only thing i did differently in just a month and a half my numbers went down 20 points according to biofeedback.
https://us.olivetreepeople.com/products/i01-orac-camu-camu-olive-leaf-concentrate?referral=Licilynn
https://bodybio.com/collections/all-supplements/products/bodybio-pc-phosphatidylcholine?variant=34379596103815
https://www.healthyhabitsliving.com/products/takesumi-supreme-90-capsules?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvLzMu4CYhgMV0Q-tBh0X3A2MEAQYASABEgLJYvD_BwE
https://tryarmra.com/products/armra?variant=43220918894814¤cy=USD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=&utm_content=&utm_term=&gadid=699712730629&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAACSfAHFcO--eOtCcW49DqT7KPzUNo&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIiIjGxICYhgMV9AytBh0uTwkSEAQYAiABEgLgpfD_BwE

Hello, everyone. 35M with Chiari 1 of “only” 3-4mm diagnosed at 17 years old with MRI due to headaches that later resolved. Subsequent scans in 2022 and 2024 revealed that the size has remained constant. Throughout the years, I literally forgot I had it due to a lack of symptoms and/or conflating the symptoms with Bipolar 1/ADHD and treatment side effects. In 2022, I had an onset of neuropathy with a job I took that had me bending over repeatedly. I remembered the Chiari at that time and got referred all the way to neurosurgery but was never able to go due to a move. Symptoms subsided again. I was on lithium, which I later learned increases ICP. I had jumpy vision (I described it as fast-forward vision) which was terrifying and for which I suspected mania, not knowing it has to do with Chiari. I had some photophobia that mostly occurred at night when seeing police lights and I assumed it was perhaps epileptiform activity, still knowing essentially nothing about Chiari. Went to a NUCCA chiropractor, at which point the photophobia became severe and permanent and I no longer drive, except on totally cloudy days, and even then with great difficulty. My symptom is silent headaches with immediate onset of dysphagia that goes away when I force myself to swallow and remove the trigger. It is still extremely debilitating and causes a panic attack basically every time because despite having never had a seizure except ECT, I still assume that that’s what’s going on and that I have to quickly to prevent it. When I finally got an EEG to try to rule out epileptiform activity it came back normal with no epileptiform activity, but admittedly, I was on a low dose of 300 mg of lithium (an anti-epileptic) because it seemed to help the headaches I was having at the time so I’d like to discuss whether that could’ve thrown the test with a medical provider.
I stay in dark rooms and get motion sick from the motion of tree shadows coming through the window (the intermittence of tree shadows and sunlight driving is my main photophobia trigger driving), screens in general, especially TV flashes on the walls. I’ve been unable to comply with CPAP therapy due to it making my wooishng tinnitus worse and me waking with a jerk right as I’m falling sleep, but I’m going to try harder to push through the waking reactions despite needing Seroquel nightly for sleep. I was already facing functional or total disability because of the Bipolar but now hopefully Chiari is some of the picture and I can regain some function. Phone calls, Zoom, especially speaker phone are difficult too. Because of pitch-dependent noise sensitivity. Car motors and other repetitive and high-pitched sounds are also instant triggers. At the peak, was having bad phonophobia with onset of panic and weakness that felt like a blood sugar crash when planes and big trucks would pass, and only after hearing them consciously after the initial reaction did I understand what was going on.
I’m coming to the end of a course of physical therapy (with an emphasis on longer-term posture correction) with dry needling that definitely helped, and the one night that I was able to sleep with the CPAP seem to clear up a lot of the headache symptoms and some of the photophobia as well. The sudden onset of the photophobia has me concerned and I don’t want it to be permanent or worsen and I’d like to drive again. Also off of all meds, including psych meds because everything seems to cause me this silent headache, which is basically overwhelm and worse, severe dissociation (Lithium and Depakote did this, to my recollection, though they initially helped pain when I had that and I only tried a crumb—as is now typical—of Topamax with the same result of severe dissociation and panic. Admittedly, my problems with these panic attacks started when I had too much cannabis one time without prior experience but now Chiari seems to be a complicating factor and it’s hard to know whether ICP and Chiari stuff or panic is at work in these reactions definitively, but I also tried Gabapentin recently and it didn’t cause dissociation just some calm with a reduction of muscle pain but an increase in Chiari symptoms on at least one occasion besides messing up the functioning of my sleep meds). I was adjusting my meds pretty frequently at one point and suspected them in the photophobia for a long time as well, but I’ve been off of all meds for probably four months now. I also have visual snow and nystagmus at night, when reading and I just catch it general when I’m outside—my eyes don’t know what to focus on and jump around and are taking longer to focus the last several days.
I’m trying to get a neurosurgery appointment with Dr. Judy Huang at John Hopkins, besides trying to get CPAP to work and I’m curious about mild traction. It seems to help me when done rightly, but I know there are conflicting reports here about it and that it’s pretty individualized. Sometimes when therapies I try seem to be going poorly, perhaps I quit it too soon, but sometimes I gaslight myself and tell myself to try harder and push through bad reactions. There’s only so much I can do about severe dissociation and panic attacks and no one around me gets it but thankfully, my providers are fairly understanding.
There’s definitely a strong positional component to symptoms. I’m normally intracranially hypertensive but tried Prilosec in two cases and a pinch of baking soda in water in others and they send things hypotensive, likely due to poor flow. Drinking water and using the restroom both seem to instantly affect pressure in head too so it seems to very much be Chiari. I don’t know my tolerance or the merits of trying other migraine medications and treatment, for example. Ibuprofen helps as has sipping caffeine, though it’s a mania trigger. I’ve also tried eye drops, glasses, biofeedback and neurofeedback for headaches as well as specialized glasses for light sensitivity and I think I’ve ruled out green light therapy with a dimmer at this point having tried it, but I understand there may be some more specialized eye exams to try. I know I have Chiari and had mild photophobia but then it got worse very quickly. Don’t know if adjusting meds or NUCCA adjustment or other traction, exercises or poor posture were to blame or this is just the progression of Chiari or the onset of a migraine component alongside all these symptoms above which are largely new. Differential diagnosis between Chiari and migraine seems to be a special challenge. CPAP and rolling my neck seemed to also help my debilitating OCD but lately rolling my neck has become irritating. I also have worsening brain fog which I forgot to mention until the very end.
Thanks for listening to the rant.
Please weigh in if it connects with your experience!
TL;DR Tried chiropractic, including NUCCA over the years and have since discontinued due to onset of photophobia after NUCCA. Did physical therapy with dry needling, tried soft collar, CPAP (still trying to get it to work—helped the one time I could sleep with it, biofeedback, neurofeedback, eyeglasses and eyedrops for photophobia which is my main concern for which I’m seeking consultation for surgery (it’s so bad, I often wear sunglasses indoors and have cover my eyes totally by hand—even stray light through a thick eye shade is an instant trigger) but what else should I try?

27/28. Batgirl Begins - 4/5 (Starting this in medias res was a good choice, since if you're already familiar with Batman stuff, you know Barbara was gonna become Batgirl in this (and even if you don't, the title would reveal as much). So starting with a Poison Ivy fight made me more curious to see everything that lead up to it was opposed to just waiting for the "reveal" that Barbara becomes Batgirl and Pamela becomes Poison Ivy. Plus, Barbara's snarky narration was amusing. Introducing Batgirl as Batman's first sidekick (even if this was merely due to a stupid embargo) as well as making Poison Ivy be her best friend turned arch nemesis is pretty fun because of its uniqueness alone. Especially because it makes the stakes more interesting when Ivy has a personal grudge against Gordon. And I liked Batman's "not every child gets the opportunity to rescue their parent" comment. Yeah, it's cliché, but that stuff is the core of Batman, so it's nice to see this side of him acknowledged, since it rarely is in this series. Also, making Gordon not able to recognize Batgirl as Barbara because he wasn't wearing his glasses was pretty "clever". "Clever" in quotations because it's still dumb, but since most DC shows love to sell you on the idea that people cannot recognize each other's face by simply putting a mask on the top half, it's funny that this series bothered to give an explanation at all. He should still have recognized her voice, but you can't win 'em all.)
29. A Dark Knight to Remember - 3/5 (Freezing Poison Ivy in the previous episode, then defeating the Kabuki Twins by freezing them in this as well? Batman is becoming Mr. Freeze. Anyway, here's a pretty standard amnesia cartoon episode. Decent gimmick, and they also added a stock Secret Identity Almost Discovered:tm: plot to spice things up. The circumstances of Bruce's amnesia being the perfect cover for Barbara dropping the idea that he could be Batman is fun, but Bruce's actual amnesia is just cartoonishly illogical. Even if he lost memories of his last few years as the Batman, how would that also genuinely make him a self absorbed playboy? He was always a broody guy with a heart of gold, even before donning the cape and cowl.)
30. A Fistful of Felt - 3/5 (This is just a poor man's Double Talk. It treads the exact same stuff; Wesker is cured of Scarface so he lives a peaceful life before Scarface forcibly reappears at the hands of someone trying to bait him and he succumbs to it before Batman eventually confronts him and Scarface gets destroyed. Except this is way less substantial and lacking in drama and emotion. It's a shame, because during the group therapy scene, I was excited that this could potentially be a formula bender, having it take place entirely in Arkham Asylum and focusing on Wesker's recovery process. But then I remembered this is The Batman, so yeah. Also I HATE Snooty's design!)
31. RPM - 2/5 (Wow, after seeing this, I immediately went out and bought The Batman Batmobile #2 with working lights & sounds, firing disc launcher and opening cockpit! No, but really, did I actually just watch a toy commercial for 20 minutes? I get that that's where action cartoons make their profit, and that's fine, but this was so blatant it's not even funny. Like that scene of Batman arriving in his new CGI Batmobile as the camera spins around it. Give me a break. Not to imply the writers were being hacky or anything. It was clearly an executive mandate. They just wrote a lame episode around it. Gearhead wasn't very interesting, although it's cool he was voiced by Will Friedle I guess. And the episode is just about cars, a subject I do not find interesting. I did laugh at Barbara asking Gordon "taking the car?" and he just opens the door and stares at her.)
32. Brawn - 4/5 (At this point they should rename the series "The Batgirl" since most episodes now put her in the main role, having to save Batman's butt. Not a complaint, it's a nice change of pace from the repetitive Batman Stops Villain:tm: plots. This episode is pretty darn good though, which is surprising since it's really nothing but a long fight scene. Most of it consecutively takes place in real time on one street street as they duke it out. You'd think that would get boring, but Bane-ified Joker is a cool enough concept to genuinely carry enough entertainment value on its own. And Batgirl using the Batbot was fun.)
33. The Laughing Cats - 4/5 (Two Joker episodes in a row? Also a Catwoman episode, which... Yeah, Joker being in it was obviously an improvement. Making her team up with Batman to stop Joker was more interesting than had it been about Batman stopping another one of her generic jewel thefts. Them being stuck in a maze with Joker using their gadgets was fun, and I liked that his hyenas were not loyal to him at all, LOL. As a side note, Kilgore Steed's hunter schtick makes NO sense. Capturing animals to put them in a giant maze full of traps that will just automatically kill them is not much of a "hunt".)
34. Fleurs du Mal - 3/5 (I guess the show isn't going to acknowledge any drama between Barbara and Poison Ivy and she's immediately relegated to stock villain who does her villainous schtick and gets defeated? Clayface all over again. It also wasn't much of a mystery who the villain could be since it literally begins with the mayor being taken over by flowers. The characters themselves uncovering the mystery and battling the plant replicas was neat enough, so whatever. And Batman punching an old lady was funny. I don't understand why Poison Ivy replaced Penguin, though. She's replacing the people who control Gotham, and he's a washed up nobody who's lost his fortune. Also, Batman is lucky he only fought the plant replica or he would have killed Penguin. He fell right into spinning blades which clearly shredded him... Although he's still intact when they land, so I guess logic took a break for this scene. Side note, the show is getting WAY too reliant on ending with a zoomout of Batman and Batgirl as she makes some snappy comment.)
35. Cash for Toys - 2/5 (So Cash can return but not Yin? There is no justice in this world. He wasn't funny in his first appearance, and he's...slightly less unfunny here. So yeah. Add a straight up Toyman ripoff instead of just Toyman, for some reason, and you get a pretty lame episode. I get that he's a Superman villain, but the series didn't have a problem using Solomon Grundy, so Toyman shouldn't have been off the table. You could assume they just embargo'd him because he made cameos, albeit speechless, in JLU. But then, Grundy was the main focus of a JLU episode less than a year before Grundy's Night, so this doesn't add up! Not that Krank being called Toyman would make a difference, because I still wouldn't like him. So, YEAH.)
36. The Apprentice - 4/5 (Joker getting a sidekick is definitely a fun idea, and while I obviously liked this episode, it plays out exactly how you'd expect. I liked how wholesome Joker was to Donnie at first when he was brainstorming ideas and then turned grim when Donnie didn't want to hurt people. It definitely adds at least one more layer than the average Joker Shenanigans:tm: episode. You can definitely feel how genuinely scary it would be to simply be around this lunatic, especially if he has it out for you. Also, Donnie's jokes probably doesn't get laughs because he's in high school doing kindergarten tier jokes.)
37. Thunder - 3/5 (It's Maxie Zeus, the most iconic DC character of all time, doing his typical Olympus schtick. Yeah, so, the episode isn't really about him. His scheme is just a setup to show how well Batgirl can carry herself. And in that aspect, I do find it fun. It's a bit dumb that she yaps to Batman about how she wants to be in the loop though, as if she isn't just Batgirling of her own accord. He never agreed to be a team, she just stalks him. Side note, Gordon sternly correcting Grange with "batarang" made me chuckle.)
38. The Icy Depths - 4/5 (Despite being the umpteenth episode about stealing jewels, this was refreshing due to presenting it more as an actual mystery and having two villains, alongside Alfred and his old chum, trying to uncover it. It was fun how they all got the upper hand on one another, and I always like Alfred being involved in an adventure. I don't understand why Batman even needs to stop this "crime", though. The treasure doesn't belong to anyone anymore. And if it DOES rightfully belong to someone, that would be Penguin. What was up with a random rotating shot of the boat here though?)
39. Gotham's Ultimate Criminal Mastermind - 3/5 (Mr. Freeze's Arkham number is 800B5. I bet they thought they were really funny with that one. Unlike the previous BTAS ripoff episodes, this was only vaguely a ripoff of Heart of Steel, so I'll cut it some slack. But it's pretty thin. D.A.V.E. is just super smart and wants to defeat Batman, then Batman wins by just telling him something that does not compute. I guess it's neat that they finally built on those vague hints about Hugo Strange being "evil". It's just a shame the antagonist is merely his robot, not actually him. And why does he get locked in Arkham after being caught? He's not insane.)
40. A Matter of Family - 3/5 (Who sharpened Bruce's jaw?! Also, Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy. As for the actual episode, I was underwhelmed. It's a pretty straightforward telling of Robin's origin story, but it rushes the emotional moments and doesn't let them get too "heavy", which makes them less effective. Zucco is a pretty upfront mustache-twirling villain instead of a mysterious figure, and they don't really acknowledge how devastating such an event would be, or the awkwardness of immediately being adopted by a rando. Dick just gets some watery eyes then he's instantly comfortable at Wayne Manor. But I liked tying "Robin" into something his mom used to call him. Batman speaks with a much deeper voice in this episode. Must've come with the new jaw.)
41. Team Penguin - 4/5 (Did it really take seeing teamwork in a movie for Penguin spawn the brilliantly unique plan of "more villains = harder for Batman"? This was a fun teamup, though. I'm glad they didn't go for the obvious choices like Joker, Mr. Freeze, Riddler etc and instead opted for the "misfits". Croc is the only one of the group I didn't care for. But I liked seeing Ragdoll again, and Killer Moth was pretty funny. I liked that he remained a suckup even after being horribly mutated. I liked the theme of teamwork the episode had, since it ties nicely together with the valid jealousy Barbara would have for some rando in red becoming Batman's sidekick and knowing his identity when she has been wanting that for ages. Also, Robin immediately wailing on Penguin for calling him a lackey made me laugh.)
42. Clayfaces - 4/5 (Nice to see my buddy Bennett again. Guess they wanted to redeem themselves after the nonsense they pulled with Grundy's Night. But given this is his last appearance, this was a pretty unsatisfying "arc". Him going full-blown villain didn't make sense from the start. His desire to take revenge on Joker I get, but aside from that, it shouldn't have taken him THIS long to realize he should use his powers for good instead. Basil Karlo wasn't a super compelling character or anything, but him being an ugly dweeb was quite funny, and the spectacle of two Clayfaces duking it out more than makes up for it, because that was pretty awesome. Side note, why is this company so picky with who they cast in their fricking dog food commercial? It's dog food. Just show dogs.)
43. The Everywhere Man - 3/5 (I like the concept of the Everywhere Man, but was disappointed at how little they truly utilized it for story/action potential. The first half is just a mystery where you're supposed to think it's two guys (provided you did not read the episode title), then Johnny just expositions how his powers work and Batman fights a bunch of copies. The villain himself being a copy is a cool twist, but it would've been more interesting if the copies mostly worked as a hivemind and they utilized that to make fighting them really hard for Batman since they'd be such a perfectly synchronized army. The episode wrapping itself around some girl saying Johnny was cuter as a nerd, and then the real Johnny getting the girl in the end was so random it's almost hilarious.)
44. The Breakout - 4/5 (Black Mask being in this episode is pretty neat, as he is a fairly well-known character who, despite that, doesn't seem to appear in animation a lot. That said, he was not very compelling. He's just a stern, no-nonsense mob boss. Which for the plot of this episode is all he needs to be, so I won't give him flack for that. It's a fun change of pace to have a mostly Batman-free episode with focus on his sidekicks instead. Batgirl and Robin have a pretty charming dynamic; I liked when they guessed what Black Mask's face looks like and he got pissed off. LOL. And it was interesting how it's sort of a bottle episode, with most of it taking place within the police station as they try to prevent Black Mask's militia from breaking in. Batman ending the episode by telling them to wash the Batmobile was a certified LOL.)
45. Strange New World - 5/5 (This was great. I really like Hugo Strange, so it's fun to actually see his sinister side now that he's been outed as a villain. And while at first it felt mostly like a standard zombie story, the dramaic tone and hellish visuals, alongside the crazy ways the zombies jump around, made the whole thing a pleasure to look at. But the twist is what really got me. I didn't put it all together myself until right as Batman was figuring it out, and it really made all the scenes of him fighting zombie Batgirl/Robin/Gordon amusing to think about in retrospect. That said, isn't this a Scarecrow-tier scheme? I guess since he couldn't be in this show they just gave it to Strange.)
46. Artifacts - 3/5 (For an entire episode set in the future, I was expecting more than just the spectacle of a generic Mr. Freeze battle. But that's really all there is to it. That said, I liked the W I D E Batman design. I know it's an homage to The Dark Knight Returns, but I've never seen or read that, so yeah. Mr. Freeze blatantly saying that title after seeing the Batman was so funny, though. It works contextually, but when you know the reference it felt no different than if he had said "Batman: The Animated Series". LOL. I see Barbara will go the Oracle route in this show. Sad. Also, they can blatantly reference Bennett and Yin, but refuse to show them any further regardless? Screw. You.)
47. Seconds - 4/5 (The Batman's take on Clock King? He's not officially named as such, but it's pretty much a Cosmo Krank/Toyman situation again. I found his time travel abilities fairly interesting, as it was fun to see some random schmuck effortlessly upstage Batman. HOW he got those powers though... He got bored in prison and was surrounded by clocks, so one day he could shift time. What? Also Batman has an atomic clock that is not affected by time literally shifting backwards. What?? Yeah, so, this episode has a lot of "okay buddy" moments. But really, they just added to the fun. If you're gonna be nonsensical, might as well go all in. And that ending really caught me off guard. Imagine reliving 17 years of your life like that, only to still end up a fricking clock repairman. He really couldn't have invested in stocks he knew would have gone up?)
48. Riddler's Revenge - 4/5 (I certainly wasn't expecting this series to try and pull off an emotional Riddler episode. One that actually works, no less. But here we are. It's not the deepest thing in the world, but I thought seeing his origin handled this "seriously" was an fun take, and it was interesting that his own origin was a "riddle" that he got wrong. Wrapping the origin around him and Batman being trapped in a crate was pretty clever. Although after unwrapping his entire life story to Batman, I would've thought he would be a little less hostile towards him after they escape. But no, he just goes back to being evil. I liked Batman's final line though. "When is a villain, not THE villain?".)
49. Two of a Kind - 4/5 (They got Paul Dini in just to write the Harley episode. It's pretty good, though. The different take from Mad Love is amusing to see. I think showing Harleen as a loudly outspoken ditz makes her descent into jester-themed criminal more believable. Especially since they directly give her a personal vendetta to push the criminal aspect further. But since this episode is mostly banking on showcasing the "unique take", it's hard to look at it past comparisons. Without them, it's sort of just The Apprentice but with Harley instead of Donnie. But Harley is funnier, and generally I liked all the zany stuff she and Joker gets into, so this is the better "Joker gets a sidekick" episode. Plus, it has a whole ass Joker musical number.)
50. Rumors - 3/5 (The Batman's take on... Lock-Up? Okay, not really, but the similarities did cross my mind. The premise here is pretty basic. Rumor was not a very thrilling antagonist or anything. He's some generic guy who works for another generic guy, who's just a red herring because he blames being a cripple on Batman. Really, the spectacle of Batman fighting all his past villains in the final scene is the best part of the episode. Although I'm confused why some of them are even there and in costume. Cluemaster only had one goal, why would he still be Cluemastering? And is Spellbinder really Gotham based? How did Rumor even capture him? He's a psychic! And Harley Quinn literally JUST became a villain. I liked Penguin begging Batman to stop him, though. LOL.)
51/52. The Joining - 4/5 (Oh geez, it's Martian Kronkhunter. Couldn't Patrick Warburton voice him instead of Cash Tankinson? I liked the way he casually outs knowing Batman's identity. But on that note, they sure talk about that in public a LOT here. Including the aforementioned scene, both Robin and Bruce himself yaps out "Bruce Wayne is Batman" on two separate occasions. Robin says it in a crowded street, Bruce in a small diner. Yeah, I'm sure absolutely NO ONE within the vicinity could have possibly heard those things. It's not like Bruce and J'onn are having a lengthy conversation about it right where the waitress, chef, and any potential surrounding customers could hear it or anything.
This was a pretty basic alien invasion story, and it's quite a leap in stakes compared to the usual jewel thievery. But I liked the usage of Martian Manhunter. I thought he and Batman had an interesting chemistry. Their initial fight scene was so stupid, though. "Oh no, the Batman discovered I'm an alien. Better not explain anything and instead just beat him up and run away until he catches up and then say I'm on his side". I thought the emotional anchor of Batgirl and Robin feeling unwanted was a bit undercooked, but the moment when Batman says he worries about losing them was sweet, so whatever. And I liked the scene of the villains helping the police fend off aliens.)
53/54. The Batman / Superman Story - 3/5 (With the show finally being allowed to bring in more expansive DC lore, the first thing they make is the most generic Superman story they could think of. Yeah, okay. I liked the way Batman discovered Superman's identity, and seeing the villains of Gotham take him down was fun. But a whole episode just for that that setup, with the second being a prolonged Batman vs. Superman fight scene and then stopping Lex Luthor from doing something evil? Yeah, I didn't really jive with it. Also, with literally ALL of the sky available, did Superman really just fly right into Robin? AND ignored it? Not very boyscout-y.)
55. Vertigo - 3/5 (This was decent, but it mostly thrives off of the novelty of being a Green Arrow crossover as opposed to being an organic Batman story. In fact this would have been improved by cutting out Batman entirely. I liked seeing Green Arrow's origin, and they could've explored his attempt to take revenge on Vertigo and such on his own. And while he DOES do that here, since it's a Batman show, most of it is from Batman's perspective as Green Arrow recaps his story. So, ultimately, they should just make The Green Arrow.)
56. White Heat - 4/5 (Neat revamp of Firefly. He was never a particularly compelling character, but the fact that he was already established in this show makes his descent from petty thief to molten monster in this more compelling by default than had this been his first episode a la Killer Moth or something. And with the inclusion of his girlfriend, it had some genuine emotion. Not a tearjerker or anything, but his last appearance being his girlfriend dumping him and walking away as he's stuck in a pitch black prison cell with him still faintly glowing in the dark is pretty bleak. So the fact that they managed to get all of that out of an episode that can be summed up to "Batman stops molten villain cause he's too hot" is impressive. The battle at the power plant itself was pretty awesome though. But Bruce is really risking his identity fighting with half his face exposed like that.)
57. A Mirror Darkly - 3/5 (Just like the Superman episode, the writers barely do anything to justify its existence besides thinking I should be thrilled by the mere presence of Flash. Well, when the plot is as generic as one of Flash's iconic rogues coming to Gotham to be evil so Flash stops him and Batman helps because it's a Batman show... I'm not. And just like Superman again, Flash didn't leave much of an impression of me. Adding the trait that he talks incredibly fast was amusing, I suppose.)
58. Joker Express - 3/5 (I would have thought with free reign to utilize all of DC lore, this show would be over their generic Joker Scheme:tm: episodes. Guess not. There's literally nothing to be said about this one that hasn't been said about the others, though. Batgirl being infected with Joker's laugh was definitely a very enjoyable scene. But after that, it's as predictable as Topsy Turvy, JTV or The Apprentice.)
59. Ring Toss - 3/5 (Green Lantern. I wonder what fresh, unique plot The Batman crew will conjure up for this one. Oh, Sinestro comes to attack Hal Jordan, but Hal wins. And Batman helps in between, because it's a Batman show. Starting to sound like a broken record here, but that's how unimaginative these episodes really are. It's competent, but it's pretty much shut-your-brain-off-and-enjoy-the-action tier. This one does have the middle part of Penguin with a power ring, which was genuinely gold stuff. The only problem is, it doesn't last for long enough, and ultimately Penguin's inclusion is really just time filler in between Sinestro being defeated.
60. The Metal Face of Comedy - 4/5 (Let me get this straight, Joker is digitally copied by wearing a helmet connected to a laptop while getting shocked? On top of the common trope of cartoon writers not understanding how video games work, logic is clearly not this episode's strong suit. The phrase "mentally download money" pretty much speaks for itself. Regardless, the prospect of Joker vs. Joker is fun enough alone. All the wacky antics Joker 2.0 is able to get into with his morphic abilities were visually fun. It's especially amusing to see the real Joker completely discombobulated by being upstaged and betrayed by, well, himself. Even cheering on for Batman to win.)
61. Attack of the Terrible Trio - 3/5 (The Terrible Trio were fun as a group of misfits, but it's pretty laughable how these college students are being bullied like it's middle school. Also do they really expect me to believe the hot, edgy chick is considered a loser? Jake is the only loser here. It's cool that this show actually had them transform into animals, even if the designs are little...awkward. It's also neat that they gave them a connection to Barbara's personal life, but at the same time it's disappointing that they didn't put Batgirl in a bigger role because of it. Batman's still the one saving the day. Also I was a little disappointing David's final transformation wasn't any more creative than just a griffin. As a side note, it's nice that this closes the door on Langstrom's Man-Bat arc.)
62. The End of the Batman - 3/5 (Fake title, there's three more episodes. The idea of an Anti-Batman and Robin is pretty fun. Wrath served as an entertaining foil to Batman what with figuring out his identity and everything. I think the ending is a little cheap, though. Joker uses his smile-gas so much, you'd think there would be a common antidote by now. Not like Wrath and Scorn are gonna be like that for the rest of their lives. Also a portion of this episode is pretty reminiscent of Team Penguin. Something which they even acknowledge themselves. But just because they point it out doesn't make it not true! Joker being annoyed by being put on menial tasks was funny though.)
63. What Goes Up... - 4/5 (Same as the previous Justice League members, Hawkman didn't leave much of an impression on me. But this time it doesn't matter as much because the episode doesn't put half the spotlight on him. It's mostly focused on Batman stopping Black Mask's, a villain whom I already thought should be utilized more, scheme. Which is stealing a whole building! I mean how cool of an action setpiece isn't an airborne building? On top of Robin being nth metal'd, it was a very fun watch. Really, Hawkman and Shadow Thief feel more like afterthoughts. But even that isn't a bad thing, because they had very enjoyable action scenes. And geez, poor Number One #2.)
64/65. Lost Heroes - 4/5 (Oh, the actual Toyman appears in this show. "Toyman" my ass, that's a damn Jester. Cosmo Krank is more of a Toyman than you will ever be, bud. This episode is pretty fun, if only because I think the narrative of non-superpowered heroes proving their capabilities and humbling the heroes with superpowers when they can't use theirs is amusing. Batman and Green Arrow as a duo was good, and everybody fighting their robot counterparts was cool. I think the robots had pretty rad designs. The only "bad" aspects of the episode is rehashing The Joining as the threat again, and Hugo Strange's inclusion. Not that I don't like him, I think he's a great villain. But this wasn't really a story fitting for him. He's better working from the shadows with the intent of studying the behavior of his victim, not just being a pawn to some alien robot.)

The Penguins of Madagascar

"Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave."

The Penguins of Madagascar are four ordinary penguins turned secret commando team. Born in the frozen wasteland that is Antarctica, Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico spent their childhood in boredom, waddling along the ice with seemingly no destination in mind. They were constantly told by the rest of their colony that it was a dangerous world for a penguin, and something so "cute and cuddly" shouldn't take any risks. One day, the group witnessed a lone egg rolling down the snow towards an icy cliff. When they realized no one was going to help it, the three baby penguins leapt into action. They rescued the egg from certain doom, but in the process were separated from the rest of their group, stuck on a lone iceberg and floating towards an unknown future. It was that moment that Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and the new hatching Private, became not only a team, but a family.
Fast forward a few years, and the Penguins of Madagascar have grown into a skilled group of elite commandos, partaking in various missions that have taken them all over the world, from New York to Madagascar to Africa to Europe. Over the course of their dangerous careers they have accumulated a wide variety of friends and allies. These range from the residents of the Central Park Zoo to the members of the spy agency North Wind. However they have also made no shortage of enemies, including Hans the Danish puffin, the Red Squirrel and the maniacal Dr. Blowhole.

Respect Threads

• Skipper
• Kowalski
• Rico
• Private
• Group Thread

Skipper

"Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly."

Skipper is the leader of the group, devising tactics and gives orders. He is calculating, strict, paranoid, short-tempered, stubborn, and has a great disdain for hippies. Skipper's raving paranoia and tendency to view even the most ordinary activities as a military operation, combined with his experience in covert ops, has driven him to prepare for nearly any situation, no matter how bizarre or unlikely. While his antics do tend to alienate other animals outside of his commando team, more often than not his paranoia is proven justified, as he and his team have saved the world on multiple occasions.
Strength

• Slides into a metal door with enough force to dent it
• His punches shake a tree
• Forces open a giant alligator's jaws
• Crushes a golf ball with his flipper
• Throws a plastic unicorn toy with enough force for it to get stuck in a brick wall
• Repeatedly breaks himself out of a block of ice that was "Antarctic cold"

Speed/Agility

• Dodges a multitude of darts from a booby trap
• Dodges a large missile multiple times
• Dodges multiple lasers while charging towards an experimental laser turret
• Slides fast enough to stay ahead of Officer X's combat van
• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Bounces and flips around several lamp posts, rocks, and trees, eventually knocking out some pins with an explosive dive kick

Durability

• Gets kicked into a brick wall by Joey the kangaroo, cracking it
• Gets kicked high into the air by his evil android doppelganger, who was strong enough to crack concrete
• Kowalski's Nexto Skeleton knocks him through a bench with a rocket kick
• Gets pounded into the concrete by Bada
• Gets slammed into a concrete wall by Roger, creating a penguin shaped indention
• Falls through the roof of a plane mid flight
• Gets blasted into a stone wall by an explosion
• Gets shocked by the Zoo's new electric field
• For a short while, he walks across pavement that was hot enough to turn an egg to ash in 3 seconds
• After being buried alive, gets blasted through the dirt with a piece of dynamite and is perfectly fine

Skill

• Even while unconscious, his reflexes always keep him ready to fight
• Fends off the other penguins with relative ease
• Throws a playing card with enough accuracy to cut a four ropes keeping the penguins suspended in the air as well as a rope holding up a chandelier
• Throws a coin, which cuts two ropes and frees Maurice, bounces off a wall, cuts another rope and frees Mort, and finally bounces off another wall and turns off a light switch

Kowalski

"Okay Kowalski, wow me."
"Behold, a portal to times past. The Chronotron!"
"So, its a time machine?"
"Well, yes."
"So why not call it a time machine?"
"Sure, yeah. And while we're at it, let's call the Great Wall a fence, the Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein Mr. Smarty Pants!"

Kowalski is the brains of the operation. He is a brilliant inventor, creating a multitude of different inventions and gadgets to help the penguins on their missions. If given enough time, there are few things that he couldn't invent. Unfortunately, most of the time his inventions cause serious trouble for the team, either falling into the wrong hands, turning against Kowalski, or just exploding. Not to mention, despite his intelligence, he cannot read (although he still carries around a clipboard to record drawings of their plans). He tends to over-analyze situations, trying to perfect every minute detail of a plan before he acts. This often causes the team more harm than if he would just act. That being said, he is still an invaluable member of the Penguins. Without him, they would simply be a couple of ordinary penguins that can do flips and karate chop people.
Strength

• Slides into a metal door with enough force to dent it
• Kicks a bowling ball with impressive velocity into Private's face
• Pulls down a bill board
• Digs through solid concrete with nothing but a plastic spoon

Speed/Agility

• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Dodges a multitude of darts from a booby trap
• Dodges several laser beams from the Penguins' lair security protocol
• Slides fast enough to stay ahead of Officer X's combat van
• Wall jumps several times to climb out of King Julian's fake volcano
• Dodges and weaves around several spotlights

Durability

• Gets pulled by Rico with enough force to dent a steel door
• His Nexto Skeleton knocks him through a bench with a rocket kick
• Gets crushed by a swinging wrecking ball and is fine moments later
• Gets crushed under a large boulder
• Gets blasted into the air by Rico's rocket launcher
• Gets shocked by 5000 volt electrical cables twice
• Gets his face torched by the Penguins' flamethrower
• After being buried alive, gets blasted through the dirt with a piece of dynamite and is perfectly fine

Skill

• Flips and dodges around several attacks from chameleon tongues while being blindfolded
• Throws his abacus, which bounces off of both Badda and Bing and then returns to him (similar to Captain America's shield)

Intelligence/Gadgets

• Invents a machine that can remove someone's intelligence and store it in a cardboard box
• Invents a fully functioning time machine, which he uses twice to travel back in time. When three Kowalskis exist in the same space it rips a hole in the fabric of the universe
• Built a thermo fusion reactor within the penguin's base
• Invents the Helmet, which allows the user to move object with their mind, as well as summon any object they think of to them at a moment's notice
• Builds an invisibility ray
• Makes a laser gun that can revert things to their younger, fresher state, which turns Skipper into a baby and eventually back into an adult
• Creates a device that can stop time, (anyone that is touching the device at the time he activates it will experience the stopped time)
• Builds a mech suit, which he dubs the nexto skeleton, that can fly, shoot missiles, is strong enough to life a large boulder over his head, and can even rebuild lost limbs out of seemingly nothing
• Builds a machine that can clone an exact replica of any living organism, as long as it has their DNA (which he uses to bring a dodo bird back to life)
• Built an anti gravity gun
• Hacks into a traffic light with relative ease

Rico

"B-but that shouldn't have worked! It breaks all known rules of science!"
"And that's why we call Rico a maverick. He makes his own rules."
[BLEH BL-BLAH BL-BLUH BLAH BLEH]

Rico is the group's weapons and explosives specialist who mainly communicates through grunts and squeals. With a stomach that defies reality, Rico swallows a plethora of useful tools and weapons and regurgitates them when needed, including ones that appear to be too large to have been swallowed in the first place. Rico has a few screws loose, so the other Penguins need to keep him on a tight leash lest he lose his mind in a dynamite filled frenzy. That said, Rico's love for explosions and destruction is an asset that Skipper has no problem letting lose on their enemies or any problem that the team may be facing.
Strength

• Breaks a fairly large hole through a brick wall
• Pulls Kowalski with enough force to dent a steel door
• Lifts an anvil over his head
• Bites through a lock
• Digs through concrete at an incredibly fast with two plastic spoons

Speed/Agility

• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Dodges several laser beams
• Dodges one of the Red Squirrel's missiles
• Kicks Kowalski into the air, and by the time he falls back down, Rico had already got into, started, and drove the penguins Buggy next to their base to catch him
• Cuts up a fish into perfectly sized bites of sushi in just over a second
• Climbs over the zoo's main gate in seconds

Durability

• Slams into a brick wall, cracking it
• Falls directly onto a rhino's horn
• Gets crushed by a falling elephant
• Falls through the roof of a plane mid flight and is completely unharmed
• A bomb explodes inside of his stomach and he barely reacts
• Is right next to where Kowalski shot his newly acquired plasma blaster on turbo setting, which caused an explosion powerful enough to blow a hole in their concrete ceiling (that same plasma blaster on medium setting was able to disintegrate a lamp post in a single shot
• Gets hit by a static shock that is strong enough to knock out the power in the Penguin lair
• For a short while, he walks across pavement that was hot enough to turn an egg to ash in 3 seconds
• After being buried alive, gets blasted through the dirt with a piece of dynamite and is perfectly fine

Skill

• Fends off both Skipper and Kowalski with nothing but a doll as a weapon
• Throws Marlene like a boomerang, bouncing her off of both Bada and Bing's heads and then catching her
• Shoots 3 fish out of the air with a crossbow

Swallowing/Regurgitation
Rico is able to regurgitate whatever Skipper needs as long as he has it locked away in his intestines. As soon as an object, weapon, or tool is needed he can produce it almost instantly.

• Spits up a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse and immediately regurgitates a flash light
• Spits out a grenade filled with knock out gas
• Regurgitates a massive missile which is far larger than he is
• Continuously regurgitates hook shots so he can swing from buildings like Spider-Man
• Spits a small anchor into the air with enough velocity to strike him in the head a couple seconds after it leaves his mouth
• Regurgitates a chainsaw with enough velocity to fly into the air and cut through a sewer pipe
• Fires screws fast enough for them to secure a metal door in place and keep Jiggles the slime contained
• Throws up a cinder block with enough force to send a leopard seal flying backwards

Private

"Private, options."
"Hello? I'm the options guy!"
"But not when it comes to matters of the heart. That's where young Private here shines."

Private is the emotionally sensitive, British-accented rookie of the Penguins of Madagascar. Though younger and less experienced than the other penguins, he is the most down to earth and compassionate. Private tends to offer simpler, more commonsense solutions in response to Skipper and Kowalski's complex strategies, often in an understated tone while those strategies are falling apart. He also has an affinity for unicorns.
Strength

• Slides into a metal door with enough force to dent it
• While underwater, he kicks a baby leopard seal which flies into an adult leopard seal, reversing its momentum
• Stops a massive leopard seal from falling off an icy cliff
• Hangs onto his golf club as he uses it to swing their golf cart around a tree

Speed/Agility

• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Dodges several darts shot out from one of Kowalski's booby traps
• Dodges several lasers from the Penguins' security system
• In the flash that Dave's monster ray is fired, he frees himself from his bindings and hides beneath a piece of machinery without anyone noticing
• Out swims a leopard seal for a short while
• Deflects a golf ball with his club
• Wall jumps multiple times to get to the top of the zoo's gates

Durability

• Gets karate chopped by Skipper to the ground
• After covering one of Rico's bombs with a bucket, he gets blasted through the roof of the zoo's security building
• Gets crushed between Skipper and a concrete wall after an explosion blasts Skipper into him, leaving a Private shaped indention in the wall
• Falls from the outskirts of the Earth's atmosphere and crashes to the ground below
• Gets dropped onto an electric fence by Savio
• For a short while, he runs across pavement that was hot enough to turn an egg to ash in 3 seconds
• After being buried alive, he gets blasted out of the ground by a piece of dynamite and is fine
• Falls into a pit of rusty bear traps, which mildly injures him

Skill

• Defends himself from Skipper's strikes and disarms him while blindfolded
• Defeats over a dozen of Dr. Blowhole's minions with ease
• Fires a dart gun, which bounces off of several objects and walls before eventually hitting the light switch and turning off the lights

Cuteness

• Unlocks what Kowalski calls "quantum hyper cute", which causes anyone who sees him to faint because their brains are overloading from the cuteness
• By using himself as a power source, his cuteness is able to reverse the affects of Dave's monster ray

Teamwork

• Push an elephant into a cage
• Using Rico as a battering ram, they destroy a brick wall
• Forming a penguin chain, Kowalski, Rico, and Private support the weight of an elephant
• Kowalski, Rico, and Private manage to hold Officer X's van in place while it tries to drive away
• Incapacitate Capitaine DuBois and her men, tying them up and launching them out of a canon
• Take on a small army of Dr. Blowhole's lobster minions

Gear

• Grenades
• Rocket launcher
• Flamethrower that is hot enough to melt a lamp post
• Laser pen which can cleanly cut through stone
• Grappling hooks
• Jetpacks gifted to them by the North Wind spy agency

Using the Penguins on WWW

While it may vary from episode to episode, the penguins are all around the same ballpark in stats and skill. They're pretty well rounded, being able to withstand blows that damage stone and metal walls and can dish out those same kinds of hits. On top of that, most have dealt with minor esoteric damage types like heat, electricity, and cold. While they're not too crazy speed wise, they're all capable of aim dodging lasers and can avoid slower projectiles like darts. Combine that with their absurd agility and small size and these four will be extremely difficult to hit for opponents that are on their physical level.
However, it's the areas outside of physical stats that let the penguins fight above their weight class. They're all capable in close quarters combat, with Skipper being the clear standout (though Rico and Private have both shown to be able to hold their own against him under the right conditions). Rico is a walking armory that will give them access to any weapon in their arsenal at any time, Kowalski has plenty of inventions that most opponents won't have resistances too, and Private's hyper cuteness could certainly catch their opponents off guard.
The best way to beat these four is to split them up and fight them individually. They've shown many times that they are far greater than the sum of their parts, engaging in hit and run tactics or using one of their various haxes to battle opponents above their weight class. Kowalski and Private in particular are vulnerable to losing their composures if things aren't going their way in a fight (though I wouldn't exactly call that a strength for Skipper and Rico either).

Most of the information I see is for the non-custodial parent, but in my situation it’s reversed. My ex is filling kiddo’s head with all sorts of crap. Some of the instances are:

• “your mom doesn’t love you, only [boyfriend] and [dog]”
  
• telling him he can’t call my boyfriend anything but his name (kiddo started calling him “Daddy” at one point out of the blue and we didn’t stop him, but then he stopped on his own and we didn’t know why but thought maybe he just decided to go back to using his name and let it be)
  
• telling him he can’t call my house “home” anymore, or even “mom’s house”, it’s “grandma’s house”
  
• “mommy’s mean and keeps you from me” (no, he just never asked for more)
  
• he’s said kiddo is going to move in with him in a new house with a new dog and cat and not live with or see me anymore (later walked it back to “you’ll come back sometimes, don’t worry”)
  
• he’s told kiddo he doesn’t like being in my home because we’re mean to him (no we’re not)
  
• told kiddo my partner hurt him (they’d met literally once for 5 seconds)
  
• told kiddo he can’t talk about either house with the other parent and that it’s all “secret” (then told me kiddo must just not feel safe talking to me about him so I need to work harder to be nicer)
  
• he’s aired ALL of our custody discussions out to kiddo (who’s only 3)…
  

The list goes on and on. At first I wasn’t too concerned because it wasn’t working (but I did put LO in therapy anyway), but now it’s starting to.
What do I do?

DAY: MAY 17, 2024

• 5-17-2024NEW DATA OUTLINE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF ENDURANCE EXERCISE TRAINING Treadmill training, a form of endurance exercise, was found to be highly effective “with robust improvements in skeletal muscle citrate synthase activity in as little as [one to two] weeks, and improvements in maximum run speed and maximal uptake by [four to eight] weeks.” The full effect of endurance exercise training was previously unexplained until this study. Researchers sought to develop and implement a standardized endurance exercise protocol in more than 340 rats participating in progressive treadmill training five days a week for one, two,
• 5-17-2024CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT FROM SPOUSE MAY DECREASE WELL-BEING FOR SOME PEOPLE As people age, they often need assistance from their spouse or partner to manage their health problems. Though research has examined the emotional and psychological effects that this support has on the caregiver, less research has been conducted on how it affects care recipients
• 5-17-2024WHEN DEPRESSION MEDS DON’T WORK, THIS MAY HELP YOU TURN THE CORNER Some 30 to 40% of patients do not respond to medications for depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but half of them could be helped by a noninvasive in-office procedure. To mark National Mental Health Awareness Month in May, we talk to psychiatrist Katherine Scangos, M.D., Ph.D., co-director of the Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and Neuromodulation Program at UC San Francisco. TMS is a logical next step for many patients with an inadequate response to standard
• 5-17-2024CAN OXYTOCIN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS? FINDINGS FROM A RANDOMIZED CONTROLLED TRIAL Loneliness is not a disease. And yet it is a significant health problem. Depression, heart disease or dementia—people who are permanently lonely have a higher risk of becoming ill. The team led by Dr. Jana Lieberz have investigated how loneliness can be specifically combated.
• 5-17-2024STUDY FINDS ANTIOXIDANT DIETARY SUPPLEMENT MAY HELP COUNTER SYSTEMIC SCLEROSIS Oxidative stress is known to exacerbate fibrosis and autoimmunity. In a new study, researchers from Japan have investigated the effects of a dietary antioxidant supplement—Twendee X—on oxidative stress and fibrosis in a mouse model of SSc, an intractable autoimmune disease. Given its effectiveness in other oxidative stress-related diseases including dementia, Twendee X holds the promise of being an effective antioxidant therapeutic against SSc.
• 5-17-2024AUTISTIC PEOPLE’S FEELINGS MOSTLY MISREAD—EMPATHY WORKS BOTH WAYS, RESEARCH REVEALS The idea that autistic people lack empathy is simply short-sighted and non-autistic people may find it just as hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, a study suggests. A paper in the journal Autism flips the script on the often-said stereotype that autistic people have difficulty imagining how others feel. Participants shown video clips featuring autistic and non-autistic people retelling emotional events revealed people without autism find it significantly harder to track autistic people’s emotions. It also revealed people felt emotions more intensely in the body
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS THAT AIR POLLUTION PROMOTES INFLAMMATION IN THE BRAIN, ACCELERATING CONSEQUENCES FOR DEMENTIA Results from a new study suggest that long-term exposure to air pollution leads to increased risk in dementia in Denmark. “We also find association with noise, but this seems to be explained by air pollution primarily.
• 5-17-2024STUDY SHOWS AEROBIC EXERCISE PERFORMED IN THE EVENING BENEFITS ELDERLY HYPERTENSIVES MORE THAN MORNING EXERCISE Aerobic training is known to regulate blood pressure more effectively when practiced in the evening than in the morning. Researchers who conducted a study of elderly patients at the University of São Paulo’s School of Physical Education and Sports (EEFE-USP) in Brazil concluded that evening exercise is better for blood pressure regulation thanks to improved cardiovascular control by the autonomic nervous system via a mechanism known as baroreflex sensitivity.
• 5-17-2024A LONG-TERM KETOGENIC DIET ACCUMULATES AGED CELLS IN NORMAL TISSUES, NEW STUDY SHOWS A strict “keto-friendly” diet popular for weight loss and diabetes, depending on both the diet and individual, might not be all that friendly. A new study led by researchers at The University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio (UT Health San Antonio) found that a continuous long-term ketogenic diet may induce senescence, or aged, cells in normal tissues, with effects on heart and kidney function in particular.
• 5-17-2024US TEEN DIED AFTER DOING SPICY CHIP CHALLENGE: AUTOPSY A US teenager died of cardiac arrest after taking part in a social media challenge daring people to eat a single extremely hot tortilla chip, an autopsy revealed Thursday. Harris Wolobah, a 14-year-old from Massachusetts, died in September after taking part in the so-called “One Chip Challenge”—which involved a single chip produced by Paqui, dusted with Carolina Reaper and Naga Viper peppers. The dare has manifested in several iterations over the years, with the peppers changing each time. The local chief medical examiner determined that Harris died of cardiac arrest
• 5-17-2024IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR SUMMER SLEEPAWAY CAMP? Sleepaway camp can be a lot of fun for kids, but only if they’re ready for the experience. And that’s the tough part—figuring out as a parent when a child is ready to stay away from home, and what they’ll need while they’re at camp, said Dr. Laurel Williams, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. A child who can stay one night away from their family might be ready for camp
• 5-17-2024FDA APPROVES NEW DRUG FOR DEADLY LUNG CANCER
• 5-17-2024ANTI-DIABETIC TREATMENT ASSOCIATED WITH REDUCED RISK OF DEVELOPING BLOOD CANCER
• 5-17-2024HOW THE DANGEROUS LIVER DISEASE SPREADS AND HOW IT CAN BE TREATED Hepatitis is an inflammation of the liver. It is the way the liver responds to various injuries or harmful agents.
• 5-17-2024CLINICIANS REPORT SUCCESS WITH FIRST TEST OF DRUG IN A PATIENT WITH LIFE-THREATENING BLOOD CLOTTING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH TEAM DEVELOPS NEW AI TOOL TO HELP CLASSIFY BRAIN TUMORS
• 5-17-2024ENGLISH FISHING VILLAGE TOLD TO BOIL WATER AFTER A PARASITE OUTBREAK SICKENS OVER 45 PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024TICK SEASON HAS ARRIVED. PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THESE TIPS
• 5-17-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE FUTURE OF SURGERY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHER DISCOVERS DRUG THAT MAY DELAY ONSET OF ALZHEIMER’S, PARKINSON’S DISEASE AND TREAT HYDROCEPHALUS
• 5-17-2024KEY PROTEIN BEHIND BRAIN ASYMMETRY UNCOVERED BY SCIENTISTS
• 5-17-2024CELL TYPES AND MOLECULES USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES FOUND TO BE NORMAL COMPONENTS OF GUT IMMUNITY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL MOLECULAR MECHANISMS OF DIFFERENT DONOR ARTERIES FOR CORONARY ARTERY BYPASS GRAFTING
• 5-17-2024LIMITING CERTAIN LIGHT EXPOSURE HAS POTENTIAL TO PREVENT INHERITED RETINAL DYSTROPHY
• 5-17-2024STUDY REVEALS THAT THE BRAIN MODULATES VISUAL SIGNALS ACCORDING TO INTERNAL STATES
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS MAKE STRIDES IN MICROBIOME-BASED CANCER THERAPIES VIA IRON DEPRIVATION IN THE TUMOR MICROENVIRONMENT
• 5-17-2024STUDY OPENS THE DOOR TO DESIGNING THERAPIES TO IMPROVE LUNG DEVELOPMENT IN GROWTH-RESTRICTED FETUSES
• 5-17-2024WASTEWATER REVEALS SOCIOECONOMIC LINK TO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
• 5-17-2024A MULTIFACED BRAIN MAP OF RHESUS MONKEY
• 5-17-2024MORE LEPTOSPIROSIS CASES OCCUR AFTER FLOODS, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH FINDS THE PROTEIN VISTA DIRECTLY BLOCKS T CELLS FROM FUNCTIONING IN IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-17-2024GUT BACTERIA ENHANCE CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY IN MOUSE STUDY
• 5-17-2024NEW IMAGING SOFTWARE IMPROVES LUNG DIAGNOSIS FOR 30% OF PATIENTS WHO CAN’T TOLERATE CONTRAST DYE
• 5-17-2024BLACK ADULTS AT RISK FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE LIVE IN MORE POLLUTED AREAS, STUDY FINDS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS CHRONIC WASTING DISEASE UNLIKELY TO MOVE FROM ANIMALS TO PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024BARRETT’S ESOPHAGUS PRECEDES ESOPHAGEAL CANCER, BUT NOT ALL PATIENTS NEED ABNORMAL CELL REMOVAL
• 5-17-2024THE NEURAL SIGNATURE OF SUBJECTIVE DISGUST COULD APPLY TO BOTH SENSORY AND SOCIO-MORAL EXPERIENCES
• 5-17-2024NEW BLOOD TEST FOR STROKE DETECTION COMBINES BLOOD-BASED BIOMARKERS WITH A CLINICAL SCORE
• 5-17-2024WEB-BASED SELF-HELP INTERVENTION FOUND TO BE BENEFICIAL FOR BINGE EATING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024MARYLAND GOV. WES MOORE SIGNS BILL REQUIRING MENTAL HEALTH TRAINING FOR PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE COACHES
• 5-17-2024NEW TECHNIQUE TO FREEZE BRAIN TISSUE WITHOUT HARM
• 5-17-2024STUDY UNCOVERS KEY FACTORS FOR RESILIENCE AFTER TRAUMA
• 5-17-2024SCAFFOLDING SENSORS DETECT EARLY EVIDENCE OF ORGAN TRANSPLANT REJECTIONS IN MICE
• 5-17-2024NOVEL GENETIC MECHANISMS MAY SERVE AS THERAPEUTIC TARGET AGAINST GLIOMA
• 5-17-2024LINK BETWEEN E-CIGARETTE USE AND EARLY AGE OF ASTHMA ONSET IN US ADULTS DISCOVERED
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY IMPACTS OF RUSSIA-UKRAINE WAR ON HEALTH CARE SYSTEMS IMPACTED BY COMBAT
• 5-17-2024TRIAL HIV VACCINE TRIGGERS ELUSIVE AND ESSENTIAL ANTIBODIES, POINTING THE WAY TOWARD A SUCCESSFUL VACCINE

MAY 17, 2024

• 5-17-2024HOW THE DANGEROUS LIVER DISEASE SPREADS AND HOW IT CAN BE TREATED
• 5-17-2024NEW DATA OUTLINE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF ENDURANCE EXERCISE TRAINING
• 5-17-2024CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT FROM SPOUSE MAY DECREASE WELL-BEING FOR SOME PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024WHEN DEPRESSION MEDS DON’T WORK, THIS MAY HELP YOU TURN THE CORNER
• 5-17-2024CAN OXYTOCIN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS? FINDINGS FROM A RANDOMIZED CONTROLLED TRIAL
• 5-17-2024STUDY FINDS ANTIOXIDANT DIETARY SUPPLEMENT MAY HELP COUNTER SYSTEMIC SCLEROSIS
• 5-17-2024AUTISTIC PEOPLE’S FEELINGS MOSTLY MISREAD—EMPATHY WORKS BOTH WAYS, RESEARCH REVEALS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS THAT AIR POLLUTION PROMOTES INFLAMMATION IN THE BRAIN, ACCELERATING CONSEQUENCES FOR DEMENTIA
• 5-17-2024STUDY SHOWS AEROBIC EXERCISE PERFORMED IN THE EVENING BENEFITS ELDERLY HYPERTENSIVES MORE THAN MORNING EXERCISE
• 5-17-2024A LONG-TERM KETOGENIC DIET ACCUMULATES AGED CELLS IN NORMAL TISSUES, NEW STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024US TEEN DIED AFTER DOING SPICY CHIP CHALLENGE: AUTOPSY
• 5-17-2024IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR SUMMER SLEEPAWAY CAMP?
• 5-17-2024FDA APPROVES NEW DRUG FOR DEADLY LUNG CANCER
• 5-17-2024ANTI-DIABETIC TREATMENT ASSOCIATED WITH REDUCED RISK OF DEVELOPING BLOOD CANCER
• 5-17-2024CLINICIANS REPORT SUCCESS WITH FIRST TEST OF DRUG IN A PATIENT WITH LIFE-THREATENING BLOOD CLOTTING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH TEAM DEVELOPS NEW AI TOOL TO HELP CLASSIFY BRAIN TUMORS
• 5-17-2024ENGLISH FISHING VILLAGE TOLD TO BOIL WATER AFTER A PARASITE OUTBREAK SICKENS OVER 45 PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024TICK SEASON HAS ARRIVED. PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THESE TIPS
• 5-17-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE FUTURE OF SURGERY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHER DISCOVERS DRUG THAT MAY DELAY ONSET OF ALZHEIMER’S, PARKINSON’S DISEASE AND TREAT HYDROCEPHALUS
• 5-17-2024KEY PROTEIN BEHIND BRAIN ASYMMETRY UNCOVERED BY SCIENTISTS
• 5-17-2024CELL TYPES AND MOLECULES USUALLY ASSOCIATED WITH AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES FOUND TO BE NORMAL COMPONENTS OF GUT IMMUNITY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL MOLECULAR MECHANISMS OF DIFFERENT DONOR ARTERIES FOR CORONARY ARTERY BYPASS GRAFTING
• 5-17-2024LIMITING CERTAIN LIGHT EXPOSURE HAS POTENTIAL TO PREVENT INHERITED RETINAL DYSTROPHY
• 5-17-2024STUDY REVEALS THAT THE BRAIN MODULATES VISUAL SIGNALS ACCORDING TO INTERNAL STATES
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS MAKE STRIDES IN MICROBIOME-BASED CANCER THERAPIES VIA IRON DEPRIVATION IN THE TUMOR MICROENVIRONMENT
• 5-17-2024STUDY OPENS THE DOOR TO DESIGNING THERAPIES TO IMPROVE LUNG DEVELOPMENT IN GROWTH-RESTRICTED FETUSES
• 5-17-2024WASTEWATER REVEALS SOCIOECONOMIC LINK TO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
• 5-17-2024A MULTIFACED BRAIN MAP OF RHESUS MONKEY
• 5-17-2024MORE LEPTOSPIROSIS CASES OCCUR AFTER FLOODS, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH FINDS THE PROTEIN VISTA DIRECTLY BLOCKS T CELLS FROM FUNCTIONING IN IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-17-2024GUT BACTERIA ENHANCE CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY IN MOUSE STUDY
• 5-17-2024NEW IMAGING SOFTWARE IMPROVES LUNG DIAGNOSIS FOR 30% OF PATIENTS WHO CAN’T TOLERATE CONTRAST DYE
• 5-17-2024BLACK ADULTS AT RISK FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE LIVE IN MORE POLLUTED AREAS, STUDY FINDS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS CHRONIC WASTING DISEASE UNLIKELY TO MOVE FROM ANIMALS TO PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024BARRETT’S ESOPHAGUS PRECEDES ESOPHAGEAL CANCER, BUT NOT ALL PATIENTS NEED ABNORMAL CELL REMOVAL
• 5-17-2024THE NEURAL SIGNATURE OF SUBJECTIVE DISGUST COULD APPLY TO BOTH SENSORY AND SOCIO-MORAL EXPERIENCES
• 5-17-2024NEW BLOOD TEST FOR STROKE DETECTION COMBINES BLOOD-BASED BIOMARKERS WITH A CLINICAL SCORE
• 5-17-2024WEB-BASED SELF-HELP INTERVENTION FOUND TO BE BENEFICIAL FOR BINGE EATING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024MARYLAND GOV. WES MOORE SIGNS BILL REQUIRING MENTAL HEALTH TRAINING FOR PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE COACHES
• 5-17-2024NEW TECHNIQUE TO FREEZE BRAIN TISSUE WITHOUT HARM
• 5-17-2024STUDY UNCOVERS KEY FACTORS FOR RESILIENCE AFTER TRAUMA
• 5-17-2024SCAFFOLDING SENSORS DETECT EARLY EVIDENCE OF ORGAN TRANSPLANT REJECTIONS IN MICE
• 5-17-2024NOVEL GENETIC MECHANISMS MAY SERVE AS THERAPEUTIC TARGET AGAINST GLIOMA
• 5-17-2024LINK BETWEEN E-CIGARETTE USE AND EARLY AGE OF ASTHMA ONSET IN US ADULTS DISCOVERED
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY IMPACTS OF RUSSIA-UKRAINE WAR ON HEALTH CARE SYSTEMS IMPACTED BY COMBAT
• 5-17-2024TRIAL HIV VACCINE TRIGGERS ELUSIVE AND ESSENTIAL ANTIBODIES, POINTING THE WAY TOWARD A SUCCESSFUL VACCINE