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2009.10.29 18:32 ucslug Law School Subreddit
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2024.05.15 23:24 TipReasonable1898 Accounting BA help
- Can I still transfer courses in after I get accepted as a second degree student?
- If so, then can I transfer in courses from Upper Iowa university for some of the lowe upper level accounting courses and does it appear with a grade on my official transcript? I know Upper Iowa uni has no equivalencies for the accounting courses on Maine street.
Thanks and I would appreciate any feedback!
2024.05.15 22:35 WCInvestor A Physician Disability Insurance Primer - Do You Really Need It?
 | The greatest financial risk for physicians is losing the ability to turn the knowledge and skills you spent a decade learning into a huge pile of money by working in your profession for decades. There are risks that could show up in your life that would prevent you from being able to accomplish this task. One of the most common of these risks is an extended or even permanent disability. Insurance companies estimate that as many as one in seven doctors will be disabled at some point during their career. While many imagine this will occur in a sudden traumatic accident, medical illness is actually a more common cause of disability that prevents a doctor from working. Physician disability is a complicated type of insurance. This post will give you the “must-know” information to secure the best protection and help you avoid common disability insurance mistakes. submitted by WCInvestor to whitecoatinvestor [link] [comments] TL;DR: Key Takeaways: What Doctors Need to Know About Disability Insurance
What Is Disability Insurance?Disability insurance gives you an income to live on if you become so disabled that you can no longer work.If you become disabled, a long-term disability insurance policy pays a predetermined amount each month until you either recover from your disability or reach age 65-67. (Note: Policies vary. It is possible to buy a policy that pays to age 70 or even, for a very high premium, until death). Why Do Physicians Need Disability Insurance?One out of seven doctors end up having to use their disability insurance. Losing the ability to turn the knowledge and skills you spent a decade learning into a pile of money by working in your profession for decades is one of the most expensive risks that physicians face. Your most valuable asset is your ability to work.How Does Disability Insurance Work?Disability insurance is a pretty straightforward proposition. You buy a policy and pay your premium monthly or annually. If you become disabled, you (and your doctor) fill out the paperwork to prove it to the satisfaction of the insurance company and then they pay you the promised monthly benefit until you either recover from your disability or the insurance company meets its contractual obligation to pay the benefit.Short-Term vs. Long-Term DisabilityDisability insurance is most commonly divided into short-term and long-term.Short-Term DisabilityA short-term disability policy generally begins paying just as soon as you get disabled and then pays for a maximum period of 3-24 months. These policies are often provided by an employer as an employee benefit. Short-term disability, while inconvenient financially, is not generally a financial catastrophe for a physician saving for retirement with an emergency fund. As a result, many doctors do not buy short-term disability policies at all.Long-Term DisabilityA long-term disability policy generally does not pay immediately, but only begins to pay after a waiting period ranging from 1-24 months (typically 3 months). Then, the policy will continue to pay you a benefit each month until age 65, 67, or 70, depending on the policy. Note that a 3 month waiting period typically means your first check won't come until the end of the first month after the 3 months, so it's really a 4 month waiting period. Since losing your ability to earn a living for the rest of your life is a financial catastrophe, any doctor who is not financially independent should buy a long-term disability insurance policy.What Does Disability Insurance Cover?Disability insurance covers all kinds of disabilities. The best (and unfortunately most expensive) policies cover the widest range of potential disabilities.The Definition of DisabilityThe most important feature is the definition of disability. Disability insurance differs from life insurance in numerous ways, but none is more significant than in defining exactly when you become disabled (and when you become enabled again). The broader the definition of disability you get in your policy, the more the policy will cost.Unlike life insurance, where life and death are pretty black and white, disability has 50 shades of gray. You want a policy with a strong, broad definition of disability that will cover any possible type of disability? That means “true own-occupation, specialty-specific” and no limitations on things such as psychiatric conditions or addictions. This is the main difference between the “Big 5” companies and others. Even among the “Big 5,” there are slight differences. It is OK not to purchase the policy with the very best definition of disability, but the weaker the definition, the bigger the discount you should expect. Own-Occupation, Specialty-SpecificProbably the most important aspect of the definition for doctors is that it be specific to your occupation. For instance, if I lost my left thumb, there are a number of procedures in emergency medicine that I could no longer do. I would be completely disabled from managing a busy emergency department by myself. But I could probably still go do urgent care work. A specialty-specific definition of disability in my policy would provide me with my full disability payments in addition to the money I make at the urgent care. Sometimes, the “specialty-specific” clause is inherent to the policy, and at other times it is an additional rider (a piece of paper added to the policy for which you pay an additional premium). Either way, you almost surely want to get this in your policy. Here are the various definitions, starting with own occupation and progressing to any occupation.Own-Occupation DefinitionUnder this definition, your policy will pay if you cannot work in your occupation/specialty, even if you can and do work in another field and make as much money as you want.Own-occupation policies cover people based on the occupational duties they are performing at the time of claim. If your policy includes an own-occupation definition of total disability and you are exclusively performing the customary duties of your medical specialty or sub-specialty at the time of the claim, the policy will cover you when unable to perform your specialty or sub-specialty. If you have transitioned into a different role or expanded into a new career path that requires much less direct patient contact or procedural duties, you may no longer be considered totally disabled when unable to work in your specialty or sub-specialty. This is because your “occupation(s)” involves additional material and substantial duties, no longer limited to the performance of your medical specialty or sub-specialty. In these instances, you may be considered partially disabled or not disabled at all, depending on the exact circumstances. Transitional Own-OccupationYour policy will pay if you cannot work in your occupation/specialty, even if you can and do work in another field. But if you exceed your previous income while you now work in another field, your monthly benefit from the policy would likely be lowered.Modified Own-OccupationYour policy will only pay if you can't work in your occupation/specialty AND if you are not working in another field. This definition is also sometimes called “Own-Occupation, Not Engaged” or “Own-Occupation, Not Working.”Any-OccupationYour policy will only pay if you cannot work in any occupation based on education, training or experience. Note that some policies are own-occupation for a couple of years and then transition to any-occupation.One company out there (Northwestern Mutual) sells a policy with a definition that they claim is BETTER than own-occupation. They call it Medical Own-Occupation, but in reality, it is just a form of modified own-occupation. Learn more about the NML Medical Own-Occupation Definition. Do You Really Need an Own-Occupation, Specialty-Specific Policy?Some non-procedural physicians argue that they might not need a true own-occupation policy. They reason that if they are so disabled that they cannot practice their specialty, they probably cannot do anything else. So, they accept a less broad definition of disability to save some dollars on the premium. If you choose to do this, make sure you understand the exact circumstances under which your policy will and will not pay out.Mental Disorders/Substance AbuseMany policies will only cover mental illness or substance abuse-related disabilities for a period of two years. I know an attorney who couldn't practice law after developing bipolar syndrome in his 30s. It took over a decade to get it under control. He had a policy that covered mental illness indefinitely, which prevented financial catastrophe from striking him and his family.According to the April 2011 issue of Current Psychiatry Magazine, physicians are not immune to depression and have an increased risk of suicide. Additionally, the lack of distinction between a psychiatric diagnosis and impairment stigmatizes physicians and impedes treatment. You'll need to decide whether this is a risk you're willing to run. If you want mental illness covered like every other illness, you'll be paying more. Presumptive Total DisabilityAs you well know, disability can be defined in many shades of gray. In the event of your disability, you can expect a paperwork fight between you, your physician, the disability insurance company, and maybe even your attorney. However, most policies contain a section that defines “presumptive total disability” where you can be assured there won't be much arguing from the insurance company. Even better, the waiting period will be waived and you'll start getting payments right away.Anything short of that, and you're going to have to get your doctor to certify your disability and get the insurance company to accept it. At times, this can involve visits to multiple specialists and even hiring an attorney. Note that with some companies, presumptive disability does not need to be permanent. Cosmetic Surgery/Transplant SurgerySome policies will cover you if your disability is the result of cosmetic surgery or the result of donating a kidney or other body part to someone else. Others will not. Best to read your policy carefully and know what it does and does not cover.Disability Insurance Exclusions & LimitationsDisability insurance policies generally exclude any medical conditions you have at the time of applying for insurance. For example, if you already have chronic back pain, the policy will not provide a benefit if you are disabled due to a back condition. In addition, if you admit to participating in dangerous activities such as scuba diving, rock climbing, flying, and sky-diving, the policy will likely be issued with a rider that excludes those activities from coverage. Other exclusions may also apply, such as acts of war, normal pregnancy, and foreign travel. Here is a list of common exclusions:
Residual DisabilityResidual disability refers to being only partially disabled. This may occur from the initial injury or illness or be part of the process of recovery. You generally need to buy an additional rider to cover this. Read this rider carefully, it can be a bit complicated.Imagine developing painful lumbar radiculopathy that keeps you from working more than 20 hours a week. This is the part of your policy that will cover that. This rider will also explain how much you get if you are partially disabled. My old policy says it pays the whole benefit (total disability) if I can't earn at least 20% of my “indexed prior monthly earnings,” which is basically the money I earn at my job. It doesn't count my investments, other disability income policies, rent from a rental property, or my nonvocational activities. It doesn't pay anything if my earnings aren't reduced at least 20%. If I am making between 20%-80% of what I made previously, I get the total disability benefit times the ratio of my loss of income for that month divided by my indexed prior monthly earnings. Note that with some companies, the partial disability rider will kick in at 15%. Some contracts use “or” in the contract and others use “and” in the contracxt. For instance, a stronger policy would trigger the partial disability rider if you had a loss of income or a loss of time or a loss of duty whereas a weaker contract would require loss of income and loss of time and loss of duty where all of those triggers must be met. Partial Disability vs. Residual DisabilityPartial disability and residual disability are generally considered to be the same thing, but there is a technical difference at some companies. For example, at one company, a partial disability rider requires total disability during the elimination period and the residual disability rider does not. With another company, partial refers to the disability, such as one that only affects one part of the body (such as one arm), while residual refers to a decrease in earnings. Either way, the key is to understand how the residual/partial rider works in the policy you actually purchase.Recovery BenefitsA physician should consider a contract that will continuing paying them a portion of their benefits upon recovery from a disability if their income continues to be down at least 15%-20%. Most carriers will pay a recovery benefit for the benefit period although one only pays for 12 months. This is especially important for practice owners. Think if a dentist were to be disabled for 6 months and then recovers and goes back to their practice. Many of their patients may have gone elsewhere because the dentist sees his patients twice a year. It could take several years to get back to where he/she was at before becoming disabled.Recommendations for Physicians on Disability Insurance RidersHere's an easy cheat card to help you know at a glance what we think about all of the various riders available.https://preview.redd.it/akf6t5iqfn0d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=3f8b415d0101d729fdfa51bc9147993309147d75 Who Needs Disability Insurance?Nearly every high-income professional in their first decade or two out of school should own a policy. Your most valuable asset is your ability to work. So, if you do not own a disability insurance policy, you need to go get one, now. If you have an income, it's time to buy a policy, even if money is tight as a resident. The only exception is if you do not rely on your income to live. If you are already financially independent, it's OK not to buy disability insurance. However, even if you are frugal and married to another high earner, you may wish to still have a policy. You could both become disabled, or you could become divorced.How Much Physician Disability Insurance Do I Need?As a resident, you typically cannot afford to buy as much as you need, but you should be able to do so even as a brand-new attending. Basically, you need to buy enough disability insurance to cover both your living expenses and your retirement savings if you were to work to age 65 but not your taxes. Physician disability insurance payouts are generally tax-free since they are usually paid with post-tax dollars.Note that how much you need has little to do with your income and everything to do with what you spend. The less you spend, the less insurance you need to buy. Insurance agents would love to sell you the largest possible policy (which usually works out to be about 2/3 of your gross income, but it is possible to combine two companies to get even more), so you'll need to decide how much you need on your own. Resident physicians typically buy a $5,000 per month benefit and attending physicians typically buy a benefit in the $10,000-$15,000 per month range, but there are plenty of docs who buy both more and less. If your plan in the event of disability is to rely on the income of your spouse, you may not need disability insurance at all. Average Cost of Disability Insurance for PhysiciansUnlike cheaper insurance policies like term life and umbrella policies, physician disability insurance is expensive, although not quite as expensive as your malpractice insurance. The reason it costs so much is it actually gets used. The likelihood of you acquiring a long-term disability during your working years is approximately seven times as high as your risk of dying in those years. A typical policy bought on a healthy doc in their 20s or 30s will cost something between 2%-6% of the benefit. If your monthly benefit is $10,000, expect to spend $200-$600 per month for that. Perhaps the sticker shock you get upon being quoted prices will motivate you to reach financial independence as soon as possible so you can cancel the policy.Graded vs. Level PremiumsOne way to save money on your policy is to get graded premiums. Not all policies offer this feature, but those that do will charge you less in the first few years and more in later years. Level premium policies charge you the same amount in premium every year. A graded premium policy accounts for the fact that you become more likely to become disabled as you go through life. However, it can be very beneficial to you because your need for insurance actually falls continually throughout your career as your build your retirement nest egg.Once you become financially independent, you can drop the insurance completely. This is a good idea since the total benefits a policy could potentially pay are also dropping throughout your life (since the policy will generally only pay until you are in your mid- to late-60s). Many white coat investors who are great savers hit financial independence by mid-career. If you are one of those, you are likely to come out ahead using graded premiums instead of level premiums. What Disability Insurance Discounts Are Available for Doctors?Like other types of insurance, disability insurance is sold by agents who are paid commissions by the insurance companies to sell their products. It is a very competitive business. The insurance companies want agents, especially the independent agents you should be buying from, to preferentially sell their products. To incentivize the agents, they offer discounts that are only available through certain agents. Experienced, high-volume agents can often provide you with the same policy at a cheaper rate than a newer, lower-volume agent. Thus, it pays to use an experienced agent and shop around with two or three of them. Nearly every doctor should qualify for some type of discount on their policy—10%-30% premium discounts are not unusual. Types of discounts include:
How Do I Buy Disability Insurance?The key to physician disability insurance is the independent agent. The agent is going to be paid a great commission by the insurance company no matter which policy you choose. Assuming policies with similar benefits, the commission isn't going to be all that different. Plus, these agents get plenty of business and none of them are starving, so they have little incentive to sell you an inferior policy for a slightly higher commission. Their reputation is worth far more than a few extra dollars in commission. Since you are (indirectly) paying the agent a very nice commission, don't feel bad about using their time and expertise to fully understand this complicated product.For most doctors, this is a purchase that is only done once or twice in their life. Have the agent quote you different physician disability policies from each of the “Big 5” companies and show you the strengths and weaknesses of each. If you have a policy from work or your professional association, bring it in with you and have it included in the comparison. Then, you can know you made an educated decision and you can buy it and forget about it. Also, be sure to ask for a discount. The vast majority of doctors will qualify for a 5%-30% association or employer-related discount, and a top-notch agent will help you get that. What Type of Disability Insurance Should I Buy?There are two main types of disability policies: individual policies and group policies. As a general rule, individual policies have stronger definitions of disability. Many group policies are not own-occupation policies. Individual policies are also portable, in that you can change jobs and take them with you.Individual Disability PolicyThere are a number of benefits of an individual policy. The main one is that you are in control of all the details. You get to choose how much insurance you want to pay for. You get to choose which of the bells and whistles you are going to pay for. The policy is also “portable,” meaning you still have it if you change employers (or if your employer just decides to change the policy). As a general rule, the policy is also “stronger,” meaning it is more likely to actually pay you if you get disabled.Group Disability PolicyA group policy provided by your employer is usually not portable, although sometimes you are allowed to take over the entire premium and take it with you. Group policies also frequently have premiums that increase every year or every five years, whereas an individual policy usually has level premiums. Group policies paid for by your employer may also pay a taxable benefit, rather than the tax-free benefit provided by an individual policy. Aside from the lower cost, the main benefit of a group policy is that it may be easier to qualify for. It may not require any sort of medical exam or blood work, and it may not ask any pesky questions about your medical conditions and dangerous hobbies such as rock climbing, skydiving, scuba diving, or flying.How to Compare Disability Insurance PoliciesThe most important feature is the definition of disability. You want a policy with a strong, broad definition of disability that will cover any possible type of disability. That usually means “own-occupation, specialty-specific” and no limitations on things such as psychiatric conditions or addictions. This is the main difference between the “Big 5” companies and others.Since disability is complicated, disability insurance policies are complicated. There are dozens of differences from one policy to another, making them difficult to compare. Use your independent agent for recommendations on what matters most. Just for an example, take a look at this chart of all the differences you could see between one policy and another. When to Buy Disability Insurance?You should buy disability insurance just before you become disabled. Since you don't know when that time could be, earlier is generally better. However, disability insurance is also expensive, and when you are young and poor, you have lots of other great uses for your money. A good compromise is to buy a small policy as you enter residency and then upgrade to a more robust disability insurance plan just before leaving residency. The younger you are, the healthier you are, and the fewer dangerous hobbies you engage in, the cheaper your premiums will be for the same benefit.Best Disability Insurance for PhysiciansI keep a list of those I consider the best disability insurance agents in the country. Save yourself the work of finding a good one you can trust and use the same agents that have been used by thousands of WCI readers in the past. You do not need someone local that you can sit down across the table from. It is better to have someone who has sold policies to hundreds of docs this year working with you by phone, Skype, Zoom, and email than someone you can sit down with who has only sold four policies. In addition, if there is some issue with one of these agents, I can usually help you resolve it quickly.Information in this space rapidly changes. While we try to keep The White Coat Investor website as up-to-date as possible, our recommended agents are going to be our best source for updated information. I cannot emphasize how strongly I suggest you use them, whether buying your first policy or simply reviewing what you already have. |
2024.05.15 22:00 Malikamagic Muslim advice please for a struggling college student
Pharmacy school is typically 6 years -2 years undergrad and 4 years professional phase program and I was on track for 10 years. Typically you get your bachelors after 4 years within the traditional path.
I’m 26 and I have inattentive type ADHD.1st year of undergrad, my advisor recommended that I take an extra year to ensure I can get into the program. 3rd year I got rejected from pharmacy school the first time I applied due to my grades, 4th year I got accepted. 6th year in , I got academically dismissed after being an honors student years prior, due to having COVID during finals week. 6th year I appealed and got readmitted, got dismissed again after i called an ambulance for my dad showing stroke symptoms, the morning of my stroke exam. After getting academically dismissed you’re on a strict contract in order to remain. I just finished my 8th year pursuing this path, currently getting dismised again because I broke contract by 1 point , and received a D in my last class.
I’m $150,000 in private loan debt . I’m finally receiving my bachelor’s degree in pharmaceutical sciences, but I won’t be able to continue. I have the option of becoming a project manager or going into tech through an online course. I also have a talent for makeup artistry. I’m devastated and having major depressive thoughts. Any advice on how to strengthen my iman during this time?
submitted by Malikamagic to MuslimLounge [link] [comments]
I’m 26 and I have inattentive type ADHD.1st year of undergrad, my advisor recommended that I take an extra year to ensure I can get into the program. 3rd year I got rejected from pharmacy school the first time I applied due to my grades, 4th year I got accepted. 6th year in , I got academically dismissed after being an honors student years prior, due to having COVID during finals week. 6th year I appealed and got readmitted, got dismissed again after i called an ambulance for my dad showing stroke symptoms, the morning of my stroke exam. After getting academically dismissed you’re on a strict contract in order to remain. I just finished my 8th year pursuing this path, currently getting dismised again because I broke contract by 1 point , and received a D in my last class.
I’m $150,000 in private loan debt . I’m finally receiving my bachelor’s degree in pharmaceutical sciences, but I won’t be able to continue. I have the option of becoming a project manager or going into tech through an online course. I also have a talent for makeup artistry. I’m devastated and having major depressive thoughts. Any advice on how to strengthen my iman during this time?
2024.05.15 21:54 SchroedBoi Dealing with GAD my whole life
Hey everybody,
This is my first post on this forum and I wish I had done it a long time ago. I wanted to share my story in the hopes that others experiencing a similar thing will feel less alone in their struggles. This is going to be a long post because there is a lot to unpack but I hope it helps someone.
I'm a 26 and male and have been struggling with anxiety on and off my whole life and was only recently diagnosed. I grew up in a religious family with many siblings in Canada. I remember I've always had anxiety related to uncertainty or lack of control. I think it also didn't help that my mom was quite strict at home and expected chores to be done perfectly. There was lots of discord in our family between my siblings and my mom and I think that contributed to exacerbating whatever predisposition I had towards anxiety. I remember having these episodes when I was younger that would last weeks or months where I would hyper fixate on a worry but then eventually it would pass and I would feel happy and normal again. I worried about if god actually existed, if what I was told about religion was true and for some reason the thought that it might not be true really bothered me. I remember my sister telling me about someone who had committed suicide when I was young and that scared the hell out of me for weeks (I had to sleep in my parents room) because it didn't make sense to me and I was scared it would happen to me. Aside from these month long episodes I also never felt a close emotional connection with my parents and I think as a result I developed a need to pursue academic achievements in the hopes I would be recognised and loved even though my parents didn't pressure me to get perfect grades. I remember also getting anxious about existential things that looking back seem kind of silly to be anxious about. For example when I first saw inception I got so scared that my life was a dream and I had no way to prove otherwise.
Whenever I would get anxious, I would talk to my parents about it and the basic response would be for them to pray for me and ask god to take away the anxiety. It felt comforting in the moment and I think they were doing their best but it never really helped long term. I never learned the skills to manage my anxiety on my own and would always seek external reassurance. Talking to my parents now they never saw my anxiety as something I needed professional help with - it was just adolescent things that would pass.
In junior high things were pretty good, I was homeschooled and I remember sometimes gettting frustrated with school but not more than that. In high school things were really good, I think they were probably the best 3 years of my life (2012-2015) - I did really well academically, was nominated for valedictorian and had great friends. I can barely remember feeling bad at all during this time. However near the end of my final exams I remember getting very anxious that I might screw up my reputation as the perfect student and fail my diploma exams - I had no reason to believe that I would fail but I was terrified nonetheless. I didn't fail and did pretty well but this feeling of anxiety persisted throughout the summer and into my first year of engineering where it got really bad - I had anxiety all day every day for most of the first year of university because I was constantly afraid of failing exams. Everyone said that engineering was hard and that a third of the people drop out and I thought my world would end if I didn't do well. I got stuck in a rut of near-constant anxiety that lasted most of the 4 years of my undergraduate - I rarely remember being happy or relaxed during this time.
Looking back at that time is very painful for me - I passed all my courses and even did reasonably well and graduated but I was anxious most days. During the first summer of my degree I worked as a merchandiser at a hardware store because my confidence was so low I didn't even really try that much to get an engineering job. During the summer of my second year I worked as a sales representative for an alarm company and I really felt gross doing that work. But I didn't believe in my ability to get a better job so I travelled around Alberta using dirty sales tactics to try to get people to buy theses systems and I felt so gross doing it. Looking back now there are countless memories I have of feeling anxious in so many situations - at home, at school, at work - near constant. I'm actually surprised I did as well as I did at the time with all this going on. I wonder now why I didn't seek out professional help but I think for the longest time growing up the response was for my parents to pray for me when I got anxious and so that's what I knew. Mental health, therapy, and psychologists were never discussed and to be honest I never really considered them. At the time I couldn't believe I was anxious because I had been so confident and capable in highschool. I think I had an ego and thought I would just grow out of it, that if I performed well in school my anxiety would go away with time. I thought I just needed to perservere and push through it. I didn't want to admit I needed help and I think in the back of my mind I was afraid to seek help because I thought anybody I spoke to about this stuff would judge me and say I was crazy, and that I was too broken and couldn't be helped. I think I was also a bit scared to seek help because I thought maybe it would make my anxiety worse.
After university things got better year by year. I have never returned to what appears to me a blissful time in high school. I think there was an underlying current of anxiety but it was pretty okay and more focused on specific stressful events that occasionally occured in my life - but it wasn't constant and chronic like it was in the 4 years of university from 2015 to 2019. I thought I was moving beyond it and growing out of it because from 2020 to 2024 or so things were pretty good. I had a good engineering job, made good money, and had good relationships with friends. I was exercising, occasionally doing some meditation, and had even done a bit of work on cognitive behavioral therapy for myself, but I had never gone for professional help, I thought I was dealing with it successfully on my own. I knew anxiety was normal and I never expected to completely get rid of it, but at the same time I did expect that I was passed the point of feeling these long, chronic periods of anxiety.
But in December of 2023/Januray of 2024 I got the most anxious I have ever been and I think it was triggered by talking with my older brother David about his difficult experiences growing up in our family and how he was struggling with depression. I shared some of my stuff and I think that opened the floodgates. My anxiety came back and I was absolutely terrified and depressed by the thought that I would have to re-experience those 4 years of university with chronic anxiety. Its kind of crazy but up until that point I never thought I had an actual disorder and I always thought that as I grew older I would outgrow it and I would be fixed. In January it was the first time I realized "holy shit, this might be here to stay and I might have to live with this for the rest of my life". I was so scared and terrified of having to live the rest of my life like I did in university that I started having suicidal thoughts pop up during the days - I never acted on them but these thoughts only fueled my anxiety and sense of hopelessness. It was only during this dark time that I realized I needed help and started going to see a GP. I did 8 weeks of mindfulness and meditation but this didn't really help - it felt like I was treating symptoms and not dealing with some very deep, long-term issues that I had never really spoken about with anyone. After the mindfulness I got into cognitive behavioural therapy and it was the first time I spilled everything to someone, my whole life story and it was a relief and a scary thing. A relief to get it all out but scary to admit to myself the extent of my issues. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and am only now unpacking things. The last four months since January have probably been the hardest of my life - every day feels like a struggle to get through, the weight of all my past experiences and reliving all those anxious moments feels unbearable at times and the idea that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life is just too much. And I wonder if I'm too broken to be fixed. Despite the awful mood I've been in for months, the doctors in the Netherlands have been resistent to prescribing medication before trying therapy and CBT. I'm not eager to go on meds but it does get REALLY bad some days and I feel like I'm just adding more highly negatively emotionally charged memories to a huge bucket that's already overflowing and I wonder if the meds would be helpful. I'm grateful that during this time I have a lovely friend that I can call in tears and she understands and supports me, I've also opened up more to what I'm experiencing with my parents who are supportive.
I'm glad I finally opened up and sought help and I wish I had done this 10 years ago, if it had worked back then it would have saved me so much time, emotional pain, and suffering. But I also recognize I was doing the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had, and I need to practice compassion and kindness for my past self. But I want my story to encourage others to reach out for help. I'm still in the thick of things myself but day by day, I hope to get better. It's difficult because I feel like I'm doing all the health things - exercising, meeting with people, talking to friends and family about it and yet it's very rare that I feel at peace with myself and sometimes the weight of it all makes it hard to see a path out without ending things. To fix years of this anxiety its like having to open up a festering wound and clean it and purge it - it's gonna hurt like hell and I expect it will take a long, long time. I just hope I'm that somehow, despite it all, I can still be fixed and have a good life. I want to encourage others who may be too ashamed or embarassed or not sure about asking for help. Please do, the strongest and most courageous thing I have ever done has been to open up about these issues and ask someone for help. Don't wait like I did, don't try to push through on your own for years, ask for help and anyone who judges you isn't worth your time.
For myself I think it is going to be a long healing journey, not only to deal with my anxiety directly but to deal with the years of unprocessed trauma as a result of my anxiety. We can get through this together, stay strong!
I'm also curious to hear if anyone else relates to anything I have said here, its also nice to hear from others who have been in similar situations and how they got through it :)
submitted by SchroedBoi to Anxiety [link] [comments]
This is my first post on this forum and I wish I had done it a long time ago. I wanted to share my story in the hopes that others experiencing a similar thing will feel less alone in their struggles. This is going to be a long post because there is a lot to unpack but I hope it helps someone.
I'm a 26 and male and have been struggling with anxiety on and off my whole life and was only recently diagnosed. I grew up in a religious family with many siblings in Canada. I remember I've always had anxiety related to uncertainty or lack of control. I think it also didn't help that my mom was quite strict at home and expected chores to be done perfectly. There was lots of discord in our family between my siblings and my mom and I think that contributed to exacerbating whatever predisposition I had towards anxiety. I remember having these episodes when I was younger that would last weeks or months where I would hyper fixate on a worry but then eventually it would pass and I would feel happy and normal again. I worried about if god actually existed, if what I was told about religion was true and for some reason the thought that it might not be true really bothered me. I remember my sister telling me about someone who had committed suicide when I was young and that scared the hell out of me for weeks (I had to sleep in my parents room) because it didn't make sense to me and I was scared it would happen to me. Aside from these month long episodes I also never felt a close emotional connection with my parents and I think as a result I developed a need to pursue academic achievements in the hopes I would be recognised and loved even though my parents didn't pressure me to get perfect grades. I remember also getting anxious about existential things that looking back seem kind of silly to be anxious about. For example when I first saw inception I got so scared that my life was a dream and I had no way to prove otherwise.
Whenever I would get anxious, I would talk to my parents about it and the basic response would be for them to pray for me and ask god to take away the anxiety. It felt comforting in the moment and I think they were doing their best but it never really helped long term. I never learned the skills to manage my anxiety on my own and would always seek external reassurance. Talking to my parents now they never saw my anxiety as something I needed professional help with - it was just adolescent things that would pass.
In junior high things were pretty good, I was homeschooled and I remember sometimes gettting frustrated with school but not more than that. In high school things were really good, I think they were probably the best 3 years of my life (2012-2015) - I did really well academically, was nominated for valedictorian and had great friends. I can barely remember feeling bad at all during this time. However near the end of my final exams I remember getting very anxious that I might screw up my reputation as the perfect student and fail my diploma exams - I had no reason to believe that I would fail but I was terrified nonetheless. I didn't fail and did pretty well but this feeling of anxiety persisted throughout the summer and into my first year of engineering where it got really bad - I had anxiety all day every day for most of the first year of university because I was constantly afraid of failing exams. Everyone said that engineering was hard and that a third of the people drop out and I thought my world would end if I didn't do well. I got stuck in a rut of near-constant anxiety that lasted most of the 4 years of my undergraduate - I rarely remember being happy or relaxed during this time.
Looking back at that time is very painful for me - I passed all my courses and even did reasonably well and graduated but I was anxious most days. During the first summer of my degree I worked as a merchandiser at a hardware store because my confidence was so low I didn't even really try that much to get an engineering job. During the summer of my second year I worked as a sales representative for an alarm company and I really felt gross doing that work. But I didn't believe in my ability to get a better job so I travelled around Alberta using dirty sales tactics to try to get people to buy theses systems and I felt so gross doing it. Looking back now there are countless memories I have of feeling anxious in so many situations - at home, at school, at work - near constant. I'm actually surprised I did as well as I did at the time with all this going on. I wonder now why I didn't seek out professional help but I think for the longest time growing up the response was for my parents to pray for me when I got anxious and so that's what I knew. Mental health, therapy, and psychologists were never discussed and to be honest I never really considered them. At the time I couldn't believe I was anxious because I had been so confident and capable in highschool. I think I had an ego and thought I would just grow out of it, that if I performed well in school my anxiety would go away with time. I thought I just needed to perservere and push through it. I didn't want to admit I needed help and I think in the back of my mind I was afraid to seek help because I thought anybody I spoke to about this stuff would judge me and say I was crazy, and that I was too broken and couldn't be helped. I think I was also a bit scared to seek help because I thought maybe it would make my anxiety worse.
After university things got better year by year. I have never returned to what appears to me a blissful time in high school. I think there was an underlying current of anxiety but it was pretty okay and more focused on specific stressful events that occasionally occured in my life - but it wasn't constant and chronic like it was in the 4 years of university from 2015 to 2019. I thought I was moving beyond it and growing out of it because from 2020 to 2024 or so things were pretty good. I had a good engineering job, made good money, and had good relationships with friends. I was exercising, occasionally doing some meditation, and had even done a bit of work on cognitive behavioral therapy for myself, but I had never gone for professional help, I thought I was dealing with it successfully on my own. I knew anxiety was normal and I never expected to completely get rid of it, but at the same time I did expect that I was passed the point of feeling these long, chronic periods of anxiety.
But in December of 2023/Januray of 2024 I got the most anxious I have ever been and I think it was triggered by talking with my older brother David about his difficult experiences growing up in our family and how he was struggling with depression. I shared some of my stuff and I think that opened the floodgates. My anxiety came back and I was absolutely terrified and depressed by the thought that I would have to re-experience those 4 years of university with chronic anxiety. Its kind of crazy but up until that point I never thought I had an actual disorder and I always thought that as I grew older I would outgrow it and I would be fixed. In January it was the first time I realized "holy shit, this might be here to stay and I might have to live with this for the rest of my life". I was so scared and terrified of having to live the rest of my life like I did in university that I started having suicidal thoughts pop up during the days - I never acted on them but these thoughts only fueled my anxiety and sense of hopelessness. It was only during this dark time that I realized I needed help and started going to see a GP. I did 8 weeks of mindfulness and meditation but this didn't really help - it felt like I was treating symptoms and not dealing with some very deep, long-term issues that I had never really spoken about with anyone. After the mindfulness I got into cognitive behavioural therapy and it was the first time I spilled everything to someone, my whole life story and it was a relief and a scary thing. A relief to get it all out but scary to admit to myself the extent of my issues. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and am only now unpacking things. The last four months since January have probably been the hardest of my life - every day feels like a struggle to get through, the weight of all my past experiences and reliving all those anxious moments feels unbearable at times and the idea that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life is just too much. And I wonder if I'm too broken to be fixed. Despite the awful mood I've been in for months, the doctors in the Netherlands have been resistent to prescribing medication before trying therapy and CBT. I'm not eager to go on meds but it does get REALLY bad some days and I feel like I'm just adding more highly negatively emotionally charged memories to a huge bucket that's already overflowing and I wonder if the meds would be helpful. I'm grateful that during this time I have a lovely friend that I can call in tears and she understands and supports me, I've also opened up more to what I'm experiencing with my parents who are supportive.
I'm glad I finally opened up and sought help and I wish I had done this 10 years ago, if it had worked back then it would have saved me so much time, emotional pain, and suffering. But I also recognize I was doing the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had, and I need to practice compassion and kindness for my past self. But I want my story to encourage others to reach out for help. I'm still in the thick of things myself but day by day, I hope to get better. It's difficult because I feel like I'm doing all the health things - exercising, meeting with people, talking to friends and family about it and yet it's very rare that I feel at peace with myself and sometimes the weight of it all makes it hard to see a path out without ending things. To fix years of this anxiety its like having to open up a festering wound and clean it and purge it - it's gonna hurt like hell and I expect it will take a long, long time. I just hope I'm that somehow, despite it all, I can still be fixed and have a good life. I want to encourage others who may be too ashamed or embarassed or not sure about asking for help. Please do, the strongest and most courageous thing I have ever done has been to open up about these issues and ask someone for help. Don't wait like I did, don't try to push through on your own for years, ask for help and anyone who judges you isn't worth your time.
For myself I think it is going to be a long healing journey, not only to deal with my anxiety directly but to deal with the years of unprocessed trauma as a result of my anxiety. We can get through this together, stay strong!
I'm also curious to hear if anyone else relates to anything I have said here, its also nice to hear from others who have been in similar situations and how they got through it :)
2024.05.15 21:50 Malikamagic Failing out of pharmacy school
Pharmacy school is typically 6 years -2 years undergrad and 4 years professional phase program and I was on track for 10 years. Typically you get your bachelors after 4 years within the traditional path.
I’m 26 and I have inattentive type ADHD.1st year of undergrad, my advisor recommended that I take an extra year to ensure I can get into the program. 3rd year I got rejected from pharmacy school the first time I applied due to my grades, 4th year I got accepted. 6th year in , I got academically dismissed after being an honors student years prior, due to having COVID during finals week. 6th year I appealed and got readmitted, got dismissed again after i called an ambulance for my dad showing stroke symptoms, the morning of my stroke exam. After getting academically dismissed you’re on a strict contract in order to remain. I just finished my 8th year pursuing this path, currently getting dismised again because I broke contract by 1 point , and received a D in my last class.
I’m $150,000 in private loan debt . I’m finally receiving my bachelor’s degree in pharmaceutical sciences, but I won’t be able to continue. I have the option of becoming a project manager or going into tech through an online course. I also have a talent for makeup artistry. I’m devastated and having major depressive thoughts. Any advice?
submitted by Malikamagic to ADHD [link] [comments]
I’m 26 and I have inattentive type ADHD.1st year of undergrad, my advisor recommended that I take an extra year to ensure I can get into the program. 3rd year I got rejected from pharmacy school the first time I applied due to my grades, 4th year I got accepted. 6th year in , I got academically dismissed after being an honors student years prior, due to having COVID during finals week. 6th year I appealed and got readmitted, got dismissed again after i called an ambulance for my dad showing stroke symptoms, the morning of my stroke exam. After getting academically dismissed you’re on a strict contract in order to remain. I just finished my 8th year pursuing this path, currently getting dismised again because I broke contract by 1 point , and received a D in my last class.
I’m $150,000 in private loan debt . I’m finally receiving my bachelor’s degree in pharmaceutical sciences, but I won’t be able to continue. I have the option of becoming a project manager or going into tech through an online course. I also have a talent for makeup artistry. I’m devastated and having major depressive thoughts. Any advice?
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submitted by Competitive_Sail6309 to paid_campus_help [link] [comments]
For clarification this is the procedure and rules between the client and the company during the interaction and work period.
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Subjects Addressed : 🗃️ Business, Analytics Management Marketing Accounting Finance Economics Risk Management Engineering (Mechanical, Aeronautical, Aerospace, Electrical, Electronic, Chemical, Civil, Structural) IT Computer Science System Analysis MATLAB Simulink MINITAB Research Proposal Thesis Statement Literature Review Dissertation Programming Psychology Project Management Statistics Sustainable Applied Mathematics Calculus 1,2,3, Ordinary Differential Equations Partial Differential Equations Case Studies Law History Pharmacy Biosciences Nursing Lab Reports Financial Statement Health and Social Care Preparation of CVs. Entrust your assessments, assignments, and coursework to competent experts today.
2024.05.15 21:29 lilacwino2990 Freedom
May 6th was the culmination of years of suffering, loss, frustration, and pain for both me and my loved ones. I underwent a hysterectomy with a bilateral salpingectomy (removal of fallopian tubes) and excision of endometriosis tissue. It was a heartbreaking decision I had to make in order to get my life back, but one that, I got confirmation today, was right. Pathology showed extensive endometriosis tissue within all parts of my uterus, tubes, and it was starting to grow beyond my pelvic wall into my abdomen.
I feel vindicated, all the abuse I suffered from healthcare providers who were supposed to be professional, all the painful exams, all the clear scans, all the people who thought I was exaggerating or drug seeking, every one of them was proven wrong. I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t seeking. Something painful was wrong and I was right. My doctor said that had I been listened to earlier I might have been able to save my uterus but I’m choosing to not think about that. I can officially let go of the pain I felt from the people who treated me without empathy or kindness, I can let go of the sheer humiliation I felt being yelled at in multiple ERs, I can let go of the trauma I felt with every exam that was done less than gently to “prove a point”. I can let go of the “what do you want”, the “it’s not that bad, I have patients who are actually sick, don’t waste our time” the “you don’t need pain medicine for an ultrasound, you’re just a drug addict”. The sheer audacity of the OBGYN who printed off my medication list (medicines prescribed by licensed pain management providers, filled at the same pharmacy and taken as directed) who came into my room and asked “so what do you really want me to do? What can surgery accomplish? It won’t do anything and I know why you’re here. It’s pathetic and you’re a liar, my husband is a pain management doctor and they don’t work with orthopaedic practices so come up with something better” (all screamed so loud that my nurse refused to leave my side, yes I reported her.). I can let that go. Because there WAS something wrong. My pain WAS real. So real that I lost the ability to bear children. So real that I lost my livelihood, my career, my home. Everything.
It’s bittersweet because I was an advocate for myself and I had my pitbull of a mother and bulldog of a sister advocating when I gave up, and some women don’t have that. Some women will fight much longer than I did. Some women think their pain and other horrible symptoms are normal. I don’t have to suffer anymore. The pain, the indignity, the frustration are over. I still hurt, it’s a rough operation to go through and it’s on top of more than 3 years of trauma. But it’s different. It’s because I was cut open and scooped out, it’ll heal. I feel better, lighter, happier. It’ll take time but this, this I can heal from and everyday it’ll be better.
submitted by lilacwino2990 to Endo [link] [comments]
I feel vindicated, all the abuse I suffered from healthcare providers who were supposed to be professional, all the painful exams, all the clear scans, all the people who thought I was exaggerating or drug seeking, every one of them was proven wrong. I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t seeking. Something painful was wrong and I was right. My doctor said that had I been listened to earlier I might have been able to save my uterus but I’m choosing to not think about that. I can officially let go of the pain I felt from the people who treated me without empathy or kindness, I can let go of the sheer humiliation I felt being yelled at in multiple ERs, I can let go of the trauma I felt with every exam that was done less than gently to “prove a point”. I can let go of the “what do you want”, the “it’s not that bad, I have patients who are actually sick, don’t waste our time” the “you don’t need pain medicine for an ultrasound, you’re just a drug addict”. The sheer audacity of the OBGYN who printed off my medication list (medicines prescribed by licensed pain management providers, filled at the same pharmacy and taken as directed) who came into my room and asked “so what do you really want me to do? What can surgery accomplish? It won’t do anything and I know why you’re here. It’s pathetic and you’re a liar, my husband is a pain management doctor and they don’t work with orthopaedic practices so come up with something better” (all screamed so loud that my nurse refused to leave my side, yes I reported her.). I can let that go. Because there WAS something wrong. My pain WAS real. So real that I lost the ability to bear children. So real that I lost my livelihood, my career, my home. Everything.
It’s bittersweet because I was an advocate for myself and I had my pitbull of a mother and bulldog of a sister advocating when I gave up, and some women don’t have that. Some women will fight much longer than I did. Some women think their pain and other horrible symptoms are normal. I don’t have to suffer anymore. The pain, the indignity, the frustration are over. I still hurt, it’s a rough operation to go through and it’s on top of more than 3 years of trauma. But it’s different. It’s because I was cut open and scooped out, it’ll heal. I feel better, lighter, happier. It’ll take time but this, this I can heal from and everyday it’ll be better.
2024.05.15 20:53 sookfong A Week In Vancouver Island on a $92,000 Salary (Original Submission)
Please note this is the original submission I sent Refinery29. In the current post,they have given me a second credit card with a 100$ balance, as well as generational trauma from World War II and cut context for other things. I am trying to get that fixed.
Per previous discussion in comments here: The espresso machine is a Bezzera, which ranges from 2-5K. We got ours on sale for 1.7K, it’s a work house and we use it everyday, still hurts that we spent that money on a coffee maker.
I do understand mortgage is debt but when you compare it to rent to a lesser value condo in Vancouver it feels like not debt at all, which is how I tend to think of it. Yes I owe my mortgage but also I get my house instead of renting-which may not have become clear.
Please see in full the diary, below (edit for formatting via mobile)
Occupation: Sr Business Analyst
Industry: Tech
Age: 30
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Salary: 92,000$ (Spouse makes 60,000$ for a combined income of 152,000$ before tax)
Net Worth: ~ 1.2 Million ( house is valued at 989,000$ currently, we have a combined 150,000 in pension, and ~60,000 in various company stocks, and GICs)
Debt: 3,000$ in a zero interest credit card for a 10 month period. We balanced transferred and pay 400$/month. Debt was acquired in Q4 2023 when we had to buy Snow Tires, and do a full break replacement as well as Christmas. 480,000$ in a mortgage, we refinanced in September 2023 for five years fixed rate at accelerated biweekly, however I don’t consider our mortgage debt due to the equity we are gaining, and that our mortgage for a five bedroom, 3 bath single family home is less than rent for a two bedroom condo in Vancouver
Paycheck Amount (Every 2 Weeks): 2,555$ after taxes. (Just mine). Spouse makes 2,308$ after taxes. Our pay periods are alternating.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses Mortgage: 1450$ biweekly (100$ extra to the principal).
Utilities: ~200$ (includes water [paid quarterly], hydro [paid bimonthly], gas, sewetrash [paid quarterly] phone [highly discounted due to work plans for spouse and myself] and car gas) Loan Payments: 400$/Credit Card
Car Insurance: 84$
Life Insurance: 167$ combined (67$ me, 100$ spouse)
Health & Dental Insurance: 60$ deducted from pay (coverage for myself and spouse from my employer. Spouse also has coverage for both of us deducted from pay)
Retirement Contribution: 400$ (Employee matches me), (Spouse has a defined pension through work and contributes ~200$ month)
Union fees: 70$ Spouse
Subscriptions: Crave 22$/month (Recent splurge for Binge watching the Rookie), Playstation Plus 100$ (annual bought on Black Friday Deal), Amazon Prime 80$ (Annual), BCAA 120$ (annual) Gym 30$/month (we both have one so 15$/pp)
Note: My spouse and I have completely commingled finances. I will be tracking both as it’s essentially I spent whatever they spent
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was always the expectation. My father was very clear, we were very smart. There was no way we’d be wasting our potential. He wanted me to be a lawyer, but unlike other immigrant parents, I got to choose my major and went into social sciences and got my masters in history. I deferred my PhD too much so I got dropped by the program.
I chose my university by where I got a full first year scholarship and then after that took about 15k in student loans for my undergraduate. My parents paid my rent and I got a part time job for food.
For my masters, I had a student line of credit and 5 k student loans otherwise it was all my savings and scholarships. With the line of credit, I had a total of 30K in student loans and paid it off in about four years.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Save. We talked about how you get a dollar allowance and half of it goes into long term saving with 25% in short term and 25% in spend.
Investing came after I was eighteen. Family would like us to invest in property, however I don’t really want to be a landlord, but also we wouldn’t get to really enjoy profit of owning a rental property due to other family circumstances.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
Ice cream parlour I was twelve and my parents made me get it for responsibility. I lasted three weeks because I hated it.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I grew up thinking we were not rich, because we didn’t get big plane vacations (I didn’t count flying from Toronto to Vancouver every summer as a vacation since we were just seeing family but staying in a house my parents owned) and I had only been to Disney twice.
But we had a big new build house in the rich end of town, my mom stayed home to raise all of us. We had to work for things (like going to see a movie opening night or a new CD) but we always had money and got what we wanted. In retrospect, my family was/is fairly well off.
Both my parents grew up poor, with parents working multiple jobs and different shifts to make ends meet, the strive/drive to not have that childhood, and for my father to be able to retire his parents really impacted mine and my siblings and cousins lives. My father showed me the apartment he grew up in Chinatown a few years back. It’s light years away from the house my grandparents owned when I was a kid and how I grew up.
Do you worry about money now?
Of course. Inflation is real and we are actively planning a wedding for the next year, as well as a baby in the next few years. We also need to buy a second car, so we’re saving for that.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Fully financially responsible? Twenty five. I lived in a family property where I didn’t pay rent in one of the most expensive cities in Canada, so even though I paid all my bills (food and phone), I didn’t have to pay rent. I in fact made money, as I rented rooms out and used the income for house utilities, and paying my student loans down faster. When I moved in with my spouse, I just paid condo fees until we bought our house two years ago which gave me plenty of time to save.
Our financial safety net is family, and our savings. I know my family would bail us out. My spouse’s father would as well. Conversely, we are my spouse’s mother's safety net and we have to keep all our plans in mind that we will be subsidising her.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. Yes, I received 50K from my parents once they sold my childhood home, as did both of my siblings. I have also received 10K from one set of grandparents which paid off my car and part of my student loans when I was 21. I will be receiving another inheritance when probate is done for around ~100K. My spouse also has received inheritance which allowed them to buy their first condo in their early twenties when the market was much better. That condo, 50k, and the subsequent upgrading helped us afford our house.
Day 1
10 AM: I drive to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Not how I want to start my Sunday morning but y’know. Normally I’d walk since it’s about 20 minutes but I have a UTI. I’m “lucky” that despite not having a dr because of the health care shortage, my work pays for the Maple app so I could get a dr to write the prescription and order the lab work at 1 am. I’ll do the lab work later this week when I can get an appointment but will take the relief now. Insurance makes the antibiotics free, but I also buy hydrogen peroxide because we’re out and we have a dog that thinks everything is meant to be in her mouth. We’ll buy a bigger one at Costco later. I also bought some oral wound mouthwash because we were out. I come home and my spouse made us breakfast.
Total: 15.90$ paid with debit.
1-2:30 PM: We do our taxes. I have a mini meltdown when I realize the part time bakery job I had for a few months didn’t take off income tax last year, so I owe 800$. Luckily, my partner is getting a refund so we net out positive 400$. The bakery took off income tax in 2022, so unsure why they didn’t in 2023. I made us lunch.
3-6:30 PM: We walk the dog, and watch the Rookie. Some time during that time period, a venue emails us back and is surprisingly affordable at 3k. I also get told that the tattoo artist I want to book with, has not chosen me.
6:30-7:30 PM: I explain what lazy girl dinner is to my spouse and make a lazy girl dinner. After not really grocery shopping since Feb for things besides fresh veg, we need to do a big pantry shop and neither of us want that. We debate about buying a food saver and if we should wait for a sale. My spouse is more frugal than me and has determined we should.
8-9:30 PM: We start season 3 of The Rookie, and then after two episodes we go to bed
Day One Total: 15.90$
Day Two
5:45-8 AM: Wake up and start work. I get up to date with what’s happened on the weekend and check that my automated reports. Sometime before 6:30, I get the kettle on for my spouse’s pour over before I go back to my meetings. There’s a twenty minute gap where I get changed and do my skin care and brush my teeth. I’d love to be a skin care person but honestly I’ve spent too much money on product that I don’t use and that just goes bad. Washing my face and using sun screen is a win.
I also make sure that Spouse’s lunch is in his bag and I get our travel mugs ready. Before, we used to go to Starbucks every day. Starbucks used to do free refills on coffee and tea if you were a rewards member if you bought a coffee or tea so it would cost us $5/day (2.5/pp), and we could get refills all day. While that’s 20$/week, 80$/a month and yes, we could have saved it but back then, that 80$ wasn’t turning the dial anywhere significantly for us—a privileged view.
But now, after COVID where I stopped drinking tea after one day working from home having like 10 cups and thinking I was dying, and Spouse has bought a good grinder and we recently splurged on a stupidly expensive espresso machine we call his Engagement Espresso since it costs the same price as my stupidly expensive ring, we bring our coffees.
8-8:30 AM: We drive to work. Prior to buying our house, we were both work from home and lived in a city with amazing transit. We only needed the one car. Since buying the house and moving to a city where public transit is a joke (the one bus goes past our house every 1.5h), Spouse changed jobs and is in office every day and I have to go in 3 days a week. We need a second car or the e-bike rebate to come through. We debate this in the car, since I’m done at 1 pm, and Spouse works normal hours, I either have to take the bus home, or go to the gym for three hours. Today though, I drop Spouse off. I will pick him up later as he has a half day because of the dentist
8:30-12:30 AM/PM: Work. I find a tech manager and ask them to get me more triple a batteries. Work won’t provide or let me expense batteries for my mouse, despite them replacing my usb mouse with a battery one. The poor admin had to tell me the decision is that we’ll all supply our own batteries. Luckily the tech managers have to have batteries on hand and give them out freely.
I ask my boss how the work from home tax forms work, and he is going to find out.
I run more meetings and work on a request for a dashboard and a business case for a new feature that I have to convince leadership to spend money on.
12:30-1 PM: I drive back to my Spouse because he has a dentist appointment.
While I wait for a spouse, I am incredibly hungry. I’m usually not hungry/don’t eat a proper meal until around 1 in the afternoon and my two granola bars I already ate at the office. I go to the bakery by Spouse’s work and buy a cheese bun for me (3.65$), and an apple pie scone (2.55$) for Spouse as a snack. Spouse points out he won’t be able to eat until after his appointment.
Total: 6.20$ debit
1-1:30 PM: I drop Spouse off, and the car stops working. The engine won’t catch. I try multiple times and then run into the dentist to dramatically announce to Spouse and the receptionists that the car won’t start. Spouse asks me what he wants me to do about this, since he’s about to go into an appointment. A very kind receptionist tells me it might be the alternator. I don’t know what that is.
I go back to the car to Facetime my father. He also asks what I think he can do to help since he lives 3000 km away. Weirdly, and sexistly, I thought a man who grew up at race tracks, in a racing family, or the man who has collected and worked on sports cars for forty years might be able to help.
Spouse texts me to remind me we have BCAA while my father also tells me that. I finally get the engine to catch and drive the very long way home, going the speed limit and getting stuck in traffic, construction and a bus. It takes me 20 minutes to get home instead of 10.
1:30-2:30 PM: I walk the dog, mail a (late) birthday card and then start researching what an alternator is. The car is over a decade old and until the house, the most expensive thing I ever bought at 12K back in 2015. We have the funds for the cost, but it’s my first car and the fact it might be the end of its life is scary.
Alternators can cost between 400-800$ repair with labour, so that’s fun.
My dad calls me back and apologises for asking me what he could do away. He advises me that there’s probably a bald spot on the alternator and advises me to go to the mechanic to check or replace it, if the car doesn’t start again.
I call the mechanic to book an appointment, and to also get the snow tires off and to buy new rims for the snow tires. The mechanic lets me know that the alternator part is 500$, and an hour of labour so with taxes we’re looking at around 700$
That future appointment next week (we’re going down a highway this weekend which requires snow tires) will cost ~1.5K, assuming we replace the alternator.
I make lunch and sigh.
2:30 PM: The car starts thankfully. I drive incredibly slow. I pick up Spouse by idling the car. We get an email back from a venue saying they cost 75,000$ minimum. The timing is hysterical.
Due to the nature of the dentist, Spouse owes 618$, as they haven’t flipped it under my insurance. They split it in half, as he has a follow up in two weeks. After the next appointment they will flip the whole amount under me and we’ll get reimbursed for the whole amount.
Total 309$/credit card.
3-10 PM: We walk the dog, make dinner (Spouse makes white sauce pasta, with chicken and peas) and watch The Rookie. There are thirteen episodes in season three, and we will be busy every night this week besides Friday and Sunday, and I would like to finish season three so we can start season 4 next Monday. I don’t want to pay for more than one month of Crave. We have five episodes left
Day Two Total: 315.2$
Day Three
1 AM: 100$ is automatically transferred from our account to the credit card debit. We have an auto transfer of 100$/every Tuesday to a Visa where we balance transferred both our cards. We have an offer for 0 interest for 10 months, so we did that for some of the bigger expenses (snow tires, break replacement and general Christmas) and are on track to pay it back within the next 6 months. That visa is our emergency card that we just have in the back end and utilise for promos like this. It allows us to keep our two cards balances manageable and lets us pay in an easier way than taking big chunks out of our various savings.
Total: 100$/direct deposit
5:45-9 AM: Work. Meetings, reports, trying to convince a colleague that the process does include them and refusal to follow it means that their requests won’t be done. Spouse has another half day so I can go into the office at my leisure—if the car starts
9-9:20 AM: The car starts, I get into the office and refresh a data flow before a meeting with a new stake holder. It takes longer to drive into work today because the tourists are starting to come and their van builds or campers are not exactly highway speed and with a two lane highway, if you don’t merge over fast enough you’re stuck.
10:05-10:20 AM: Meeting done, car starts again and I drive home for more meetings. The least amount of time in the office is preferable for me.
10:30-11AM : Meeting with my manager where we discuss future salary and promotion. I am due for a promotion in the start of Q2, which would push me to six figures. I’ll believe it when I see it but, I’m really excited at that possibility for my family.
11:15 AM: Spouse leaves for work, we discuss what groceries are needed, as well if he’ll go to Home Depot tonight to buy more clover seeds for the yard, as we need to reseed before it starts raining. I eat a muffin and my dog and cat decide to try and eat each other.
11:15-1:30 PM: Work runs late. There’s some issues with the data and we can’t figure it out. We call it a night, and I’ll record the video presentations tomorrow, once we fix the data.
1:30-4 PM: Nap time! It’s bad for me, but honestly I don’t sleep well during the night so naps are what keep me alive.
4-6 PM I prep dinner (smash burgers and fries), and get chores done and walk the dog.
6-7:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we eat dinner. Groceries come to 96.83 for two 7 pound pork loins, two packs of bacon, chicken nuggets, coffee, pop, 8 pack of peppers, milk, tomato, pickles, rice, avocado, mushrooms, sour cream and lettuce.
Not too bad, we average about 300$/month in groceries because we can buy bulk and have a second freezer.
For the month of March we are currently at 123.61$ for groceries and there is twelve days left. We went on a small weekend away, so we ate out a fair bit but even then our current food budget is 272.27$ today.
Total: 96.83/ debit
7:30-10 PM: Spouse makes a coffee and plays video games with his friends. They do it every week. I have a shower, fold and put away laundry and read in bed.
Day Three Total: 196.83
Day Four
1AM: Our biweekly accelerated mortgage payment comes out of 1450$. I’m tracking it here to be honest on our spending but I tend not to think of it as money spent because in my head it’s already money gone. To pay for a house equivalent in Vancouver, the mortgage would be over 6k. Renting a two bedroom condo would be 3K. It feels like the mortgage is just cheaper rent, even though each time I own more of my house.
5:45-9 AM: Work. I find out the limits of how many people I can invite to a Teams Meeting as well as that the Thursday before Good Friday is a catholic holiday when a few people ask me to reschedule a training forum for over a thousand people. Sometime in there I make us coffee, make sure Spouse has lunch packed (leftovers). Spouse has walked the dog and has the recycling and compost out for pick up. I drop Spouse off at work.
10-11:45 AM: I leave the office for home and more meetings. I walk the dog and go record training videos. I get an email that Amazon is doing their big spring sale. I send a link to a robot mop and vaccum that’s on a big discount to Spouse. We want one, but I’m not in charge of the research on it. I send links to play grounds to my friends with toddlers
11:45-12:30 PM : I shove lunch in my mouth, last night’s left overs. I’m running late, and decide to get myself later by collecting all the random dishes and mugs that just show up places and start the dishwasher. I get to the lab ten minutes early but need to buy gas on the way home.
I tell my team I’ll be MIA for a bit and leave the work phone in the car.
I buy 15.6L of gas for 30$ at 1.879/l it sucks. I don’t fill up because we’re going to my in laws this weekend and there’s a Costco Gas Bar there.
Total: 30$/credit card
12:30-1:30 PM: Work goes long again.
1:30-2:30 PM: Nap!
2:30-4:30 PM: Walk the dog and drive to the gym. I usually go three times a week but with last week’s weekend away and this week’s weird half days from Spouse, today’s the only day. I make it up by doing both upper and lower body and a 30 minute circuit.
4:30-7:30 PM: I pick up Spouse and we go to Costco. We pick up nachos, ham, cheese buns and some other items. We debate buying our friend’s kid a toddler set of clothes and decide no. We end up buying work pants for Spouse, and a garden hose. It comes out to 116.90
I order our Costco dinner of hot dogs and fries for a grand total date night of 6.41$
Total: 123.31/ credit card
8-9 PM: Dance class! We bought a series of six lessons of introduction to ballroom back in December for a new date night idea. We paid 60$/pp and this is the fifth lesson tonight.
9 pm: We’re home, we let the dog out. Spouse spends an undetermined amount of time watching ballroom videos while I sleep.
Day Four Total: 1603.31$ or 153.31 excluding the mortgage payment.
Day Five
5:45-9 AM: Work. All the meetings. Thursday is the meeting day. I debate with a friend what’s the earliest call we’ve had. 4:30 am still wins. I pack lunch for Spouse and his coffee and he leaves. I end up cleaning up cat puke as the cat decides to drink milk from Spouse’s cereal and vomit it up on camera in a meeting.
9-9:30 AM: I make myself a matcha and walk the dog.
9:30-1 PM: Work and I treat myself to a lunch of a cheese bun and ham sandwhich. We used to eat it every Sunday while growing up but the cost of ham has been outrageous. The deal at Costco yesterday was 1.5$/100 g which is really good.
1-1:30 PM: I seal the wooden deer Christmas decoration we bought last year. It sits outside our front door and needs to be weather proofed, and I’ve been putting it off for five months. But the weather is good and we have newspapers. We have left over wood sealer after the sign we bought a year ago so I use that. The dog and the cat both don’t like my wooden deer.
1:30-4 PM: Nap!
4-5 PM: I basically just watch youtube and drink a root beer. I have no energy.
5-6:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog and I make dinner (Kraft Dinner and nuggets–I swear we eat veggies but today is not that day). We discuss the possibility of our dog at our wedding as a flower girl, and if she’ll be in a tutu or a cheongsam like me. I am now researching if they make dog cheongsams and if she can match us. The cat, despite all my heart wanting it, won’t physically be there because he will have an anxiety attack and probably die.
6:30-10:30 PM: Board game night! We go to a friend’s to repeat the same scenario we’ve lost two weeks in a row.
10:30-11 PM: I pack Spouse’s breakfast (oatmeal and frozen berries), lunch (spicy tuna and mayo) since he’s trying to go to the gym before work, and feed the animals before we go to bed.
Day Five Total: 0$
Day Six Friday
5:45-9 AM: Work. I have a deep focus block which means I can get the script for the training I have to run. Public speaking is not my strong suit and it’s a group of a thousand people so I’m not looking forward to it. Spouse almost makes it to the gym. I get an email that my new work phone has shipped. I’m surprised because they wouldn’t order us any for the past four years, but I guess my new iPhone will show up next week. I might give my old work phone to my mother in law, since she smashed the camera on the phone we bought her last year.
9-9:30 AM: I walk the dog, make a matcha and make a todo list for what we have to get done before we leave to my in laws tomorrow. I text my mother in law happy birthday, and hope that she got the card in time. She did.
9:30-11:30 AM: My last meeting for the week ends and I’m debating calling it a day so I can nap. Instead I make lunch (cheese bun and ham), text my other mother in law our plan for Saturday, and unload and reload the dishwasher and go back to work for at least another hour.
12:30-1 PM: I shower and do skin care
1-3 PM: Nap! Somewhere in this time FedEx comes and since I’m sleeping, we have to pick up on Monday. I’m not too sure what it is, I assume it’s our custom address stamp from Etsy because that’s the only thing I’ve bought recently but not too sure. I just realized in retrospect, this might be my new work phone.
3-5 PM: I prep dinner (nachos), unload the dishwasher, pack my overnight bag and confirm all our venue tours by email. I start a load of laundry and do a quick clean. I feel like this is not the best image of our diet. I swear we generally eat healthy but we both have been feeling really blah over the past two weeks so have been going for quick and easy over healthy and balanced. I do have three whole peppers and two whole avocados in the nachos though.
5-7 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog, have dinner, and plan out next week. We have a big Wednesday next week (mechanic, I have a nails appointment, dance class), and we are having our friends over for Easter so we need to prep for that. We pack the car so tomorrow is a very easy start.
Spouse also gets paid today. We’re lucky that we’re on alternating pay periods, we used to be on the same and it always felt stressful. Spouse also lets me know his union has secured a 3% cost of living raise to start in Q3. I really like his union for negotiating a base 2% year of cost of living raise, with potential addition raises depending on inflation. It’s a bit away but that’s still good news.
7:30-10:30 PM: We finish The Rookie Season 3 and head to bed. Crave reminds me that I have 10 days until I’m charged again. Sadly, I think we’ll have to pay for 2 months.
Day Six Total: 0
Day Seven Saturday
8:30-9:30 AM: Wake up. No one (except the dog) slept well so we’re not in a morning mood. Spouse makes coffee and walks the dog, while I finish packing the car and give the cat a lot of attention. Our first venue tour is at 11 and the one that is the most expensive (8-10K), but also the one we probably want the most. We live about an hour away but the highway is two lanes and one accident can back everything up for hours.
10:40-1 PM: We visit our dream venue. We stay way longer than expected. Basically if the quote is under 10K, we’ll get it. Just waiting now.
1-2 PM: We get to our in-laws and have a lunch of egg salad sandwhichs. We need to buy gas. My in laws drive us to a pottery painting store.
2-4 PM: We paint pottery. My mother in law only wanted to do this for her birthday. They’ll pick it up in a week after it’s been thrown. I paint a vase (28$), Spouse paints an Easter egg (18$), father in law paints a mug (30$), and mother in law paints a plate (50$)
Total:143.36/credit card
4-5 Pm: We see another venue. It’s an instant no. My in laws decide they want to try Korean fried chicken. We call ahead for take out to get two fries and 16 pieces of half and half. It comes to 50.83$ that my in laws pay for.
5-10 PM: We come back and see that our dog has pooped in their house and also has gotten into their pantry and eaten an entire bag of dog food. It is not a fun night.
We spend the night drinking wine and discussing the wedding and watching TV.
10PM: We go to bed. That’s the end of this week, but tomorrow we will be buying gas and probably lunch for my other mother in law as we will be touring another venue.
Day Seven Total: 143.36$
submitted by sookfong to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]
Per previous discussion in comments here: The espresso machine is a Bezzera, which ranges from 2-5K. We got ours on sale for 1.7K, it’s a work house and we use it everyday, still hurts that we spent that money on a coffee maker.
I do understand mortgage is debt but when you compare it to rent to a lesser value condo in Vancouver it feels like not debt at all, which is how I tend to think of it. Yes I owe my mortgage but also I get my house instead of renting-which may not have become clear.
Please see in full the diary, below (edit for formatting via mobile)
Occupation: Sr Business Analyst
Industry: Tech
Age: 30
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Salary: 92,000$ (Spouse makes 60,000$ for a combined income of 152,000$ before tax)
Net Worth: ~ 1.2 Million ( house is valued at 989,000$ currently, we have a combined 150,000 in pension, and ~60,000 in various company stocks, and GICs)
Debt: 3,000$ in a zero interest credit card for a 10 month period. We balanced transferred and pay 400$/month. Debt was acquired in Q4 2023 when we had to buy Snow Tires, and do a full break replacement as well as Christmas. 480,000$ in a mortgage, we refinanced in September 2023 for five years fixed rate at accelerated biweekly, however I don’t consider our mortgage debt due to the equity we are gaining, and that our mortgage for a five bedroom, 3 bath single family home is less than rent for a two bedroom condo in Vancouver
Paycheck Amount (Every 2 Weeks): 2,555$ after taxes. (Just mine). Spouse makes 2,308$ after taxes. Our pay periods are alternating.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses Mortgage: 1450$ biweekly (100$ extra to the principal).
Utilities: ~200$ (includes water [paid quarterly], hydro [paid bimonthly], gas, sewetrash [paid quarterly] phone [highly discounted due to work plans for spouse and myself] and car gas) Loan Payments: 400$/Credit Card
Car Insurance: 84$
Life Insurance: 167$ combined (67$ me, 100$ spouse)
Health & Dental Insurance: 60$ deducted from pay (coverage for myself and spouse from my employer. Spouse also has coverage for both of us deducted from pay)
Retirement Contribution: 400$ (Employee matches me), (Spouse has a defined pension through work and contributes ~200$ month)
Union fees: 70$ Spouse
Subscriptions: Crave 22$/month (Recent splurge for Binge watching the Rookie), Playstation Plus 100$ (annual bought on Black Friday Deal), Amazon Prime 80$ (Annual), BCAA 120$ (annual) Gym 30$/month (we both have one so 15$/pp)
Note: My spouse and I have completely commingled finances. I will be tracking both as it’s essentially I spent whatever they spent
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was always the expectation. My father was very clear, we were very smart. There was no way we’d be wasting our potential. He wanted me to be a lawyer, but unlike other immigrant parents, I got to choose my major and went into social sciences and got my masters in history. I deferred my PhD too much so I got dropped by the program.
I chose my university by where I got a full first year scholarship and then after that took about 15k in student loans for my undergraduate. My parents paid my rent and I got a part time job for food.
For my masters, I had a student line of credit and 5 k student loans otherwise it was all my savings and scholarships. With the line of credit, I had a total of 30K in student loans and paid it off in about four years.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Save. We talked about how you get a dollar allowance and half of it goes into long term saving with 25% in short term and 25% in spend.
Investing came after I was eighteen. Family would like us to invest in property, however I don’t really want to be a landlord, but also we wouldn’t get to really enjoy profit of owning a rental property due to other family circumstances.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
Ice cream parlour I was twelve and my parents made me get it for responsibility. I lasted three weeks because I hated it.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I grew up thinking we were not rich, because we didn’t get big plane vacations (I didn’t count flying from Toronto to Vancouver every summer as a vacation since we were just seeing family but staying in a house my parents owned) and I had only been to Disney twice.
But we had a big new build house in the rich end of town, my mom stayed home to raise all of us. We had to work for things (like going to see a movie opening night or a new CD) but we always had money and got what we wanted. In retrospect, my family was/is fairly well off.
Both my parents grew up poor, with parents working multiple jobs and different shifts to make ends meet, the strive/drive to not have that childhood, and for my father to be able to retire his parents really impacted mine and my siblings and cousins lives. My father showed me the apartment he grew up in Chinatown a few years back. It’s light years away from the house my grandparents owned when I was a kid and how I grew up.
Do you worry about money now?
Of course. Inflation is real and we are actively planning a wedding for the next year, as well as a baby in the next few years. We also need to buy a second car, so we’re saving for that.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Fully financially responsible? Twenty five. I lived in a family property where I didn’t pay rent in one of the most expensive cities in Canada, so even though I paid all my bills (food and phone), I didn’t have to pay rent. I in fact made money, as I rented rooms out and used the income for house utilities, and paying my student loans down faster. When I moved in with my spouse, I just paid condo fees until we bought our house two years ago which gave me plenty of time to save.
Our financial safety net is family, and our savings. I know my family would bail us out. My spouse’s father would as well. Conversely, we are my spouse’s mother's safety net and we have to keep all our plans in mind that we will be subsidising her.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. Yes, I received 50K from my parents once they sold my childhood home, as did both of my siblings. I have also received 10K from one set of grandparents which paid off my car and part of my student loans when I was 21. I will be receiving another inheritance when probate is done for around ~100K. My spouse also has received inheritance which allowed them to buy their first condo in their early twenties when the market was much better. That condo, 50k, and the subsequent upgrading helped us afford our house.
Day 1
10 AM: I drive to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Not how I want to start my Sunday morning but y’know. Normally I’d walk since it’s about 20 minutes but I have a UTI. I’m “lucky” that despite not having a dr because of the health care shortage, my work pays for the Maple app so I could get a dr to write the prescription and order the lab work at 1 am. I’ll do the lab work later this week when I can get an appointment but will take the relief now. Insurance makes the antibiotics free, but I also buy hydrogen peroxide because we’re out and we have a dog that thinks everything is meant to be in her mouth. We’ll buy a bigger one at Costco later. I also bought some oral wound mouthwash because we were out. I come home and my spouse made us breakfast.
Total: 15.90$ paid with debit.
1-2:30 PM: We do our taxes. I have a mini meltdown when I realize the part time bakery job I had for a few months didn’t take off income tax last year, so I owe 800$. Luckily, my partner is getting a refund so we net out positive 400$. The bakery took off income tax in 2022, so unsure why they didn’t in 2023. I made us lunch.
3-6:30 PM: We walk the dog, and watch the Rookie. Some time during that time period, a venue emails us back and is surprisingly affordable at 3k. I also get told that the tattoo artist I want to book with, has not chosen me.
6:30-7:30 PM: I explain what lazy girl dinner is to my spouse and make a lazy girl dinner. After not really grocery shopping since Feb for things besides fresh veg, we need to do a big pantry shop and neither of us want that. We debate about buying a food saver and if we should wait for a sale. My spouse is more frugal than me and has determined we should.
8-9:30 PM: We start season 3 of The Rookie, and then after two episodes we go to bed
Day One Total: 15.90$
Day Two
5:45-8 AM: Wake up and start work. I get up to date with what’s happened on the weekend and check that my automated reports. Sometime before 6:30, I get the kettle on for my spouse’s pour over before I go back to my meetings. There’s a twenty minute gap where I get changed and do my skin care and brush my teeth. I’d love to be a skin care person but honestly I’ve spent too much money on product that I don’t use and that just goes bad. Washing my face and using sun screen is a win.
I also make sure that Spouse’s lunch is in his bag and I get our travel mugs ready. Before, we used to go to Starbucks every day. Starbucks used to do free refills on coffee and tea if you were a rewards member if you bought a coffee or tea so it would cost us $5/day (2.5/pp), and we could get refills all day. While that’s 20$/week, 80$/a month and yes, we could have saved it but back then, that 80$ wasn’t turning the dial anywhere significantly for us—a privileged view.
But now, after COVID where I stopped drinking tea after one day working from home having like 10 cups and thinking I was dying, and Spouse has bought a good grinder and we recently splurged on a stupidly expensive espresso machine we call his Engagement Espresso since it costs the same price as my stupidly expensive ring, we bring our coffees.
8-8:30 AM: We drive to work. Prior to buying our house, we were both work from home and lived in a city with amazing transit. We only needed the one car. Since buying the house and moving to a city where public transit is a joke (the one bus goes past our house every 1.5h), Spouse changed jobs and is in office every day and I have to go in 3 days a week. We need a second car or the e-bike rebate to come through. We debate this in the car, since I’m done at 1 pm, and Spouse works normal hours, I either have to take the bus home, or go to the gym for three hours. Today though, I drop Spouse off. I will pick him up later as he has a half day because of the dentist
8:30-12:30 AM/PM: Work. I find a tech manager and ask them to get me more triple a batteries. Work won’t provide or let me expense batteries for my mouse, despite them replacing my usb mouse with a battery one. The poor admin had to tell me the decision is that we’ll all supply our own batteries. Luckily the tech managers have to have batteries on hand and give them out freely.
I ask my boss how the work from home tax forms work, and he is going to find out.
I run more meetings and work on a request for a dashboard and a business case for a new feature that I have to convince leadership to spend money on.
12:30-1 PM: I drive back to my Spouse because he has a dentist appointment.
While I wait for a spouse, I am incredibly hungry. I’m usually not hungry/don’t eat a proper meal until around 1 in the afternoon and my two granola bars I already ate at the office. I go to the bakery by Spouse’s work and buy a cheese bun for me (3.65$), and an apple pie scone (2.55$) for Spouse as a snack. Spouse points out he won’t be able to eat until after his appointment.
Total: 6.20$ debit
1-1:30 PM: I drop Spouse off, and the car stops working. The engine won’t catch. I try multiple times and then run into the dentist to dramatically announce to Spouse and the receptionists that the car won’t start. Spouse asks me what he wants me to do about this, since he’s about to go into an appointment. A very kind receptionist tells me it might be the alternator. I don’t know what that is.
I go back to the car to Facetime my father. He also asks what I think he can do to help since he lives 3000 km away. Weirdly, and sexistly, I thought a man who grew up at race tracks, in a racing family, or the man who has collected and worked on sports cars for forty years might be able to help.
Spouse texts me to remind me we have BCAA while my father also tells me that. I finally get the engine to catch and drive the very long way home, going the speed limit and getting stuck in traffic, construction and a bus. It takes me 20 minutes to get home instead of 10.
1:30-2:30 PM: I walk the dog, mail a (late) birthday card and then start researching what an alternator is. The car is over a decade old and until the house, the most expensive thing I ever bought at 12K back in 2015. We have the funds for the cost, but it’s my first car and the fact it might be the end of its life is scary.
Alternators can cost between 400-800$ repair with labour, so that’s fun.
My dad calls me back and apologises for asking me what he could do away. He advises me that there’s probably a bald spot on the alternator and advises me to go to the mechanic to check or replace it, if the car doesn’t start again.
I call the mechanic to book an appointment, and to also get the snow tires off and to buy new rims for the snow tires. The mechanic lets me know that the alternator part is 500$, and an hour of labour so with taxes we’re looking at around 700$
That future appointment next week (we’re going down a highway this weekend which requires snow tires) will cost ~1.5K, assuming we replace the alternator.
I make lunch and sigh.
2:30 PM: The car starts thankfully. I drive incredibly slow. I pick up Spouse by idling the car. We get an email back from a venue saying they cost 75,000$ minimum. The timing is hysterical.
Due to the nature of the dentist, Spouse owes 618$, as they haven’t flipped it under my insurance. They split it in half, as he has a follow up in two weeks. After the next appointment they will flip the whole amount under me and we’ll get reimbursed for the whole amount.
Total 309$/credit card.
3-10 PM: We walk the dog, make dinner (Spouse makes white sauce pasta, with chicken and peas) and watch The Rookie. There are thirteen episodes in season three, and we will be busy every night this week besides Friday and Sunday, and I would like to finish season three so we can start season 4 next Monday. I don’t want to pay for more than one month of Crave. We have five episodes left
Day Two Total: 315.2$
Day Three
1 AM: 100$ is automatically transferred from our account to the credit card debit. We have an auto transfer of 100$/every Tuesday to a Visa where we balance transferred both our cards. We have an offer for 0 interest for 10 months, so we did that for some of the bigger expenses (snow tires, break replacement and general Christmas) and are on track to pay it back within the next 6 months. That visa is our emergency card that we just have in the back end and utilise for promos like this. It allows us to keep our two cards balances manageable and lets us pay in an easier way than taking big chunks out of our various savings.
Total: 100$/direct deposit
5:45-9 AM: Work. Meetings, reports, trying to convince a colleague that the process does include them and refusal to follow it means that their requests won’t be done. Spouse has another half day so I can go into the office at my leisure—if the car starts
9-9:20 AM: The car starts, I get into the office and refresh a data flow before a meeting with a new stake holder. It takes longer to drive into work today because the tourists are starting to come and their van builds or campers are not exactly highway speed and with a two lane highway, if you don’t merge over fast enough you’re stuck.
10:05-10:20 AM: Meeting done, car starts again and I drive home for more meetings. The least amount of time in the office is preferable for me.
10:30-11AM : Meeting with my manager where we discuss future salary and promotion. I am due for a promotion in the start of Q2, which would push me to six figures. I’ll believe it when I see it but, I’m really excited at that possibility for my family.
11:15 AM: Spouse leaves for work, we discuss what groceries are needed, as well if he’ll go to Home Depot tonight to buy more clover seeds for the yard, as we need to reseed before it starts raining. I eat a muffin and my dog and cat decide to try and eat each other.
11:15-1:30 PM: Work runs late. There’s some issues with the data and we can’t figure it out. We call it a night, and I’ll record the video presentations tomorrow, once we fix the data.
1:30-4 PM: Nap time! It’s bad for me, but honestly I don’t sleep well during the night so naps are what keep me alive.
4-6 PM I prep dinner (smash burgers and fries), and get chores done and walk the dog.
6-7:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we eat dinner. Groceries come to 96.83 for two 7 pound pork loins, two packs of bacon, chicken nuggets, coffee, pop, 8 pack of peppers, milk, tomato, pickles, rice, avocado, mushrooms, sour cream and lettuce.
Not too bad, we average about 300$/month in groceries because we can buy bulk and have a second freezer.
For the month of March we are currently at 123.61$ for groceries and there is twelve days left. We went on a small weekend away, so we ate out a fair bit but even then our current food budget is 272.27$ today.
Total: 96.83/ debit
7:30-10 PM: Spouse makes a coffee and plays video games with his friends. They do it every week. I have a shower, fold and put away laundry and read in bed.
Day Three Total: 196.83
Day Four
1AM: Our biweekly accelerated mortgage payment comes out of 1450$. I’m tracking it here to be honest on our spending but I tend not to think of it as money spent because in my head it’s already money gone. To pay for a house equivalent in Vancouver, the mortgage would be over 6k. Renting a two bedroom condo would be 3K. It feels like the mortgage is just cheaper rent, even though each time I own more of my house.
5:45-9 AM: Work. I find out the limits of how many people I can invite to a Teams Meeting as well as that the Thursday before Good Friday is a catholic holiday when a few people ask me to reschedule a training forum for over a thousand people. Sometime in there I make us coffee, make sure Spouse has lunch packed (leftovers). Spouse has walked the dog and has the recycling and compost out for pick up. I drop Spouse off at work.
10-11:45 AM: I leave the office for home and more meetings. I walk the dog and go record training videos. I get an email that Amazon is doing their big spring sale. I send a link to a robot mop and vaccum that’s on a big discount to Spouse. We want one, but I’m not in charge of the research on it. I send links to play grounds to my friends with toddlers
11:45-12:30 PM : I shove lunch in my mouth, last night’s left overs. I’m running late, and decide to get myself later by collecting all the random dishes and mugs that just show up places and start the dishwasher. I get to the lab ten minutes early but need to buy gas on the way home.
I tell my team I’ll be MIA for a bit and leave the work phone in the car.
I buy 15.6L of gas for 30$ at 1.879/l it sucks. I don’t fill up because we’re going to my in laws this weekend and there’s a Costco Gas Bar there.
Total: 30$/credit card
12:30-1:30 PM: Work goes long again.
1:30-2:30 PM: Nap!
2:30-4:30 PM: Walk the dog and drive to the gym. I usually go three times a week but with last week’s weekend away and this week’s weird half days from Spouse, today’s the only day. I make it up by doing both upper and lower body and a 30 minute circuit.
4:30-7:30 PM: I pick up Spouse and we go to Costco. We pick up nachos, ham, cheese buns and some other items. We debate buying our friend’s kid a toddler set of clothes and decide no. We end up buying work pants for Spouse, and a garden hose. It comes out to 116.90
I order our Costco dinner of hot dogs and fries for a grand total date night of 6.41$
Total: 123.31/ credit card
8-9 PM: Dance class! We bought a series of six lessons of introduction to ballroom back in December for a new date night idea. We paid 60$/pp and this is the fifth lesson tonight.
9 pm: We’re home, we let the dog out. Spouse spends an undetermined amount of time watching ballroom videos while I sleep.
Day Four Total: 1603.31$ or 153.31 excluding the mortgage payment.
Day Five
5:45-9 AM: Work. All the meetings. Thursday is the meeting day. I debate with a friend what’s the earliest call we’ve had. 4:30 am still wins. I pack lunch for Spouse and his coffee and he leaves. I end up cleaning up cat puke as the cat decides to drink milk from Spouse’s cereal and vomit it up on camera in a meeting.
9-9:30 AM: I make myself a matcha and walk the dog.
9:30-1 PM: Work and I treat myself to a lunch of a cheese bun and ham sandwhich. We used to eat it every Sunday while growing up but the cost of ham has been outrageous. The deal at Costco yesterday was 1.5$/100 g which is really good.
1-1:30 PM: I seal the wooden deer Christmas decoration we bought last year. It sits outside our front door and needs to be weather proofed, and I’ve been putting it off for five months. But the weather is good and we have newspapers. We have left over wood sealer after the sign we bought a year ago so I use that. The dog and the cat both don’t like my wooden deer.
1:30-4 PM: Nap!
4-5 PM: I basically just watch youtube and drink a root beer. I have no energy.
5-6:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog and I make dinner (Kraft Dinner and nuggets–I swear we eat veggies but today is not that day). We discuss the possibility of our dog at our wedding as a flower girl, and if she’ll be in a tutu or a cheongsam like me. I am now researching if they make dog cheongsams and if she can match us. The cat, despite all my heart wanting it, won’t physically be there because he will have an anxiety attack and probably die.
6:30-10:30 PM: Board game night! We go to a friend’s to repeat the same scenario we’ve lost two weeks in a row.
10:30-11 PM: I pack Spouse’s breakfast (oatmeal and frozen berries), lunch (spicy tuna and mayo) since he’s trying to go to the gym before work, and feed the animals before we go to bed.
Day Five Total: 0$
Day Six Friday
5:45-9 AM: Work. I have a deep focus block which means I can get the script for the training I have to run. Public speaking is not my strong suit and it’s a group of a thousand people so I’m not looking forward to it. Spouse almost makes it to the gym. I get an email that my new work phone has shipped. I’m surprised because they wouldn’t order us any for the past four years, but I guess my new iPhone will show up next week. I might give my old work phone to my mother in law, since she smashed the camera on the phone we bought her last year.
9-9:30 AM: I walk the dog, make a matcha and make a todo list for what we have to get done before we leave to my in laws tomorrow. I text my mother in law happy birthday, and hope that she got the card in time. She did.
9:30-11:30 AM: My last meeting for the week ends and I’m debating calling it a day so I can nap. Instead I make lunch (cheese bun and ham), text my other mother in law our plan for Saturday, and unload and reload the dishwasher and go back to work for at least another hour.
12:30-1 PM: I shower and do skin care
1-3 PM: Nap! Somewhere in this time FedEx comes and since I’m sleeping, we have to pick up on Monday. I’m not too sure what it is, I assume it’s our custom address stamp from Etsy because that’s the only thing I’ve bought recently but not too sure. I just realized in retrospect, this might be my new work phone.
3-5 PM: I prep dinner (nachos), unload the dishwasher, pack my overnight bag and confirm all our venue tours by email. I start a load of laundry and do a quick clean. I feel like this is not the best image of our diet. I swear we generally eat healthy but we both have been feeling really blah over the past two weeks so have been going for quick and easy over healthy and balanced. I do have three whole peppers and two whole avocados in the nachos though.
5-7 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog, have dinner, and plan out next week. We have a big Wednesday next week (mechanic, I have a nails appointment, dance class), and we are having our friends over for Easter so we need to prep for that. We pack the car so tomorrow is a very easy start.
Spouse also gets paid today. We’re lucky that we’re on alternating pay periods, we used to be on the same and it always felt stressful. Spouse also lets me know his union has secured a 3% cost of living raise to start in Q3. I really like his union for negotiating a base 2% year of cost of living raise, with potential addition raises depending on inflation. It’s a bit away but that’s still good news.
7:30-10:30 PM: We finish The Rookie Season 3 and head to bed. Crave reminds me that I have 10 days until I’m charged again. Sadly, I think we’ll have to pay for 2 months.
Day Six Total: 0
Day Seven Saturday
8:30-9:30 AM: Wake up. No one (except the dog) slept well so we’re not in a morning mood. Spouse makes coffee and walks the dog, while I finish packing the car and give the cat a lot of attention. Our first venue tour is at 11 and the one that is the most expensive (8-10K), but also the one we probably want the most. We live about an hour away but the highway is two lanes and one accident can back everything up for hours.
10:40-1 PM: We visit our dream venue. We stay way longer than expected. Basically if the quote is under 10K, we’ll get it. Just waiting now.
1-2 PM: We get to our in-laws and have a lunch of egg salad sandwhichs. We need to buy gas. My in laws drive us to a pottery painting store.
2-4 PM: We paint pottery. My mother in law only wanted to do this for her birthday. They’ll pick it up in a week after it’s been thrown. I paint a vase (28$), Spouse paints an Easter egg (18$), father in law paints a mug (30$), and mother in law paints a plate (50$)
Total:143.36/credit card
4-5 Pm: We see another venue. It’s an instant no. My in laws decide they want to try Korean fried chicken. We call ahead for take out to get two fries and 16 pieces of half and half. It comes to 50.83$ that my in laws pay for.
5-10 PM: We come back and see that our dog has pooped in their house and also has gotten into their pantry and eaten an entire bag of dog food. It is not a fun night.
We spend the night drinking wine and discussing the wedding and watching TV.
10PM: We go to bed. That’s the end of this week, but tomorrow we will be buying gas and probably lunch for my other mother in law as we will be touring another venue.
Day Seven Total: 143.36$
2024.05.15 20:14 Kinniken Disappointing results with simple "data entry" task - any tips?
I've been using LLMs for over a year now, both personally and for work, via chat and via APIs, including for tasks that would be considered very qualified work if done by a human.
Recently however I've tried a use case for work that I thought would be very easy for LLMs and the results I'm getting are quite disappointing, I'd love some feedback on whether I'm doing something wrong.
The task: my company frequently have to do data entry for clients, where we receive exam subject papers as words and we need to enter them in a system in a structured format. The word formats used vary depending on the client, there is no standard. For example:
I tried automatising this by turning the Word into Markdown and then sending it to an LLM to get a JSON output. It kind of works, but:
submitted by Kinniken to ChatGPTPro [link] [comments]
Recently however I've tried a use case for work that I thought would be very easy for LLMs and the results I'm getting are quite disappointing, I'd love some feedback on whether I'm doing something wrong.
The task: my company frequently have to do data entry for clients, where we receive exam subject papers as words and we need to enter them in a system in a structured format. The word formats used vary depending on the client, there is no standard. For example:
- the correct answer to a question might be bolded, or have a "(correct)" at the end, or there might be a mention "Correct answer: C" after the possible options
- the questions might be a single line or several paragraphs
- the questions might be split in multiple parts, and if they are, the part names might be styled differently
- there might be some optional instructions, for example, the amont of points a question is worth
I tried automatising this by turning the Word into Markdown and then sending it to an LLM to get a JSON output. It kind of works, but:
- The LLMs tend to pick the answer they believe is correct and not the one from the input despite specific instructions
- They sometime rewrite the questions
- They are very inconsistent in what they include in the question (numbering, explanations...), even with extremely similar inputs
- Sometime they skip an entire bunch of questions for no clear reason.
Your task is to import questions and answers from a source text. The source text is a markdown document containing a list of questions, sometimes with multiple-choice answers. It might also contain irrelevant data like incomplete questions or other content. You must find ONLY the complete, well-formed questions and their answers in the source and convert them to JSON. If a question does not fit the JSON format given, DO NOT import it. Each line in the original text is numbered. You must indicate for each question you find which lines form the question and which lines form the answers. The title of a question can be multiple lines, NOT including the possible answers. The answers must each be a single line. NEVER put the same line both in the title and the answers. Put all the lines related to a question (EXCEPT the answers) related to a question in the title. For example, a question might have a text it relates to, then an actual question, then mentions of images or documents to add to the question: all those lines must go in the title. All questions start with a number followed by a period. For example, if the input is this: 124: 10. 125: 126: Xi Jinping has lauded China’s ties with France as a model for the international community as he arrived in Paris amid threats of a trade war over Chinese electric cars and French cognac. 127: 128: On his first visit to the EU in five years, China’s president will meet his French counterpart, Emmanuel Macron, and the European Commission president, Ursula von der Leyen, who will urge him to reduce trade imbalances and use his influence with Russia over the war in Ukraine. 129: 130: Which of the following is correct? 131: 132: 1. Xi Jinping is visiting Austria 133: 2. Xi Jinping and Macron are expected to discuss lunar exploration 134: 3. Meloni will attend the meeting alongside Macron 135: 4. Xi Jinping and Macron are expected to discuss trade issues 136: 137: Key: D 138: 139: Image to be inserted: B23_ Media_fr.gif 140: PDF to be attached: Scratch pad.pdf The title field should include line number 126,127,128,129,130 as they provide context and the question itself, as well as 139 and 140 to include the medias. All those lines relate to ONE question, NOT multiple questions. ALWAYS make sure medias related to a question are included with the question. If a question or answer title starts with a numbering or lettering, you must remove it by filling the "d" field ("d" for "deleteFromSTART"). Don't put leading or trailling whitespace in "d". NEVER put the entire answer in it. The document can define exam parts, for example "Verbal reasoning" or "Mathematics". You must indicate the part for each question using the "p" field ("p" for "part"). Output the JSON without whitespace to save tokens. 1. **JSON Format**: Output the questions and answers EXACTLY as they appear in the source, using the following JSON structure: {"q":[ #q for questions {"t":[3,4], #titles, only lines that make up the question title, NOT the answers "d":"1. ", #numbering to delete from title "p":"1", #line on which you found the exam part, if any "a":[ #a for answers {"t": 7,"d": "_(a)_", # d is the numbering to delete from the answer title, NEVER the full answer. "c":false # Correctness copied verbatim from the source, NOT guessed by you },{"t": 8,"d": "(b)", # d is the numbering to delete from the title, NEVER the full answer. "c":true # Correctness copied verbatim from the source, NOT guessed by you }]}]} 2. **Strict Error Handling**: If unable to import questions for any reason (no complete questions found, unclear format, ambiguous answers...), you MUST provide an error message explaining the issue, using this format: {"error":"Clear explanation of why questions cannot be reliably imported"} 3. **Rigorous Validation**: Before outputting questions, perform a strict validation to ensure all questions are complete, unambiguous and meet the guidelines exactly. Verify the JSON format is perfectly structured. Remember, the goal is to import ONLY the exact questions present in the input text, without ANY modifications, and export them in a structured JSON format. The questions MUST BE IDENTICAL to the source. Any inaccuracies could lead to INVALID EXAMS THAT WILL CAUSE MAJOR PROBLEMS FOR STUDENTS. If you have ANY doubt about a question, EXCLUDE IT and if needed, RETURN AN ERROR. If you are AT ALL UNSURE about any part of a question, DISCARD IT ENTIRELY. For example, if the input given is this: 2: 3: 4: 5: 25. What is the capital city of France ? 6: 7: (a) New Delhi 8: 9: (b) Washington 10: 11: _(c) Paris_ 12: 13: (d) Lyons The expected output would be: {"q":[{"t":[5],"d":"25.","a":[{"t":7,"d":"(a)","c":false},{"t":9,"d":"(b)","c":false},{"t":11,"d":"_(c)","c":true},{"t":13,"d":"(d)","c":false}]}]} Return ONLY the JSON object with the list of VERBATIM questions OR the JSON object with the error message, NOTHING ELSE. Any tips/ideas? Am I doing something wrong?2024.05.15 19:15 jans_void are my parents selfish or do I demand too much ?
hello everyone ..take this as a AITH kinda thing I guess or I am just ranting… I 17F am going to do my 12th is being told I am too demanding and selfish from my parents …I don’t think me and my parents really have a bond like I am sure I lost that feeling towards them long back cause of how toxic they are.. in 10th I had a dream college/school I wanted to get into and when I told my mom about it she always bought it up in fights and said “there is no way any college will take you in let alone __” “You don’t deserve to go to such college “ Which actually demotivated me quite a lot and if you ask about my marks ..I have always been a good student..in exams I have always scored more than 85% and in final exams always in 90s so I don’t know why these words were being thrown at me .
Fast forward to end of 10th board exams and the results…i scored 96% and was selected in my dreamed college through the first listing… it felt nice ..like I proved my parents wrong but I never said it out loud …after 10th everyone seemed to have a party given by their parents but I had none …just to flaunt my marks to an uncle of mine whom I don’t even like my father called him at our for a “party” …I got nothing for my hard work and even in the summer holidays after boards I was locked in my house cause my father said “there is no reason for you to roam outside… it’s not a big deal to score in 90s in 10th exams”. Yet again I was demotivated and depressed…
There is just so much more but if I were to go in detail this would be a really long post.
Fast forward to now …starting of my 12th I want to give CLAT exam which btw my mother chose for me and I don’t mind it ….but I NEED coaching…I see all my friends preparing for such and going to coaching so I told my mom that I would like to join a CLAT coaching that will help me a lot …but again no… She is like you should self study, there are multiple free things available that you should do…. “Why are you always so demanding and telling me to throw money for things you wanna do” …..
I don’t get it ??? Like sure I ask for things here and there but they are legit stuff like skin care and body care stuff a girl would need to take care of herself??? At this point it feels like soon they’ll ask me to pay for half the rent of the house , money for the food I eat etc….
But when it comes to spend money at stuff they need to complete their wishes they are always ready ….their wishes like my mom loves learning new things so she is always ready to pay for her classes…she is always ready to pay for her travelling things and when it comes to my future it’s like it’s not even important…
Everything I wanna learn , any classes I wanna attend it all seems waste to them ….
I am so tired and done for ….it feels like till I earn my own money I’ll keep fighting for these little things here and there ….i don’t know what will even happen to my future…
submitted by jans_void to AITAH [link] [comments]
Fast forward to end of 10th board exams and the results…i scored 96% and was selected in my dreamed college through the first listing… it felt nice ..like I proved my parents wrong but I never said it out loud …after 10th everyone seemed to have a party given by their parents but I had none …just to flaunt my marks to an uncle of mine whom I don’t even like my father called him at our for a “party” …I got nothing for my hard work and even in the summer holidays after boards I was locked in my house cause my father said “there is no reason for you to roam outside… it’s not a big deal to score in 90s in 10th exams”. Yet again I was demotivated and depressed…
There is just so much more but if I were to go in detail this would be a really long post.
Fast forward to now …starting of my 12th I want to give CLAT exam which btw my mother chose for me and I don’t mind it ….but I NEED coaching…I see all my friends preparing for such and going to coaching so I told my mom that I would like to join a CLAT coaching that will help me a lot …but again no… She is like you should self study, there are multiple free things available that you should do…. “Why are you always so demanding and telling me to throw money for things you wanna do” …..
I don’t get it ??? Like sure I ask for things here and there but they are legit stuff like skin care and body care stuff a girl would need to take care of herself??? At this point it feels like soon they’ll ask me to pay for half the rent of the house , money for the food I eat etc….
But when it comes to spend money at stuff they need to complete their wishes they are always ready ….their wishes like my mom loves learning new things so she is always ready to pay for her classes…she is always ready to pay for her travelling things and when it comes to my future it’s like it’s not even important…
Everything I wanna learn , any classes I wanna attend it all seems waste to them ….
I am so tired and done for ….it feels like till I earn my own money I’ll keep fighting for these little things here and there ….i don’t know what will even happen to my future…
2024.05.15 18:14 Garnetsareunderrated My teachers are overloading us on the last week of school.
Apparently, all of the teachers in the building don’t realize their students have five other classes with finals because the same goes for all of my friends.
Here’s a little list of all the assignments I have to complete in the next 5 days. Keep in mind, I haven’t been to three of my classes in almost a week because we’ve had 5 straight days of state and AP testing.
Pre-calculus: 88-question review packet and a final exam
Choir: performance tonight, performance on the last day of school with our percussion ensemble, and a performance at graduation
AP Lang: an essay, a speech, and an actual final exam
Physics: 120-question review packet and a final exam
Creative Writing: a portfolio with a decorated cover, a reflection, table of contents, and abstract for every single piece in there, plus an extra poetry assignment
APUSH: final presentation and a final exam with a 75-question, open-ended study guide
I’m not saying I’m gonna jump off a bridge but I’ve never understood the urge more.
submitted by Garnetsareunderrated to highschool [link] [comments]
Here’s a little list of all the assignments I have to complete in the next 5 days. Keep in mind, I haven’t been to three of my classes in almost a week because we’ve had 5 straight days of state and AP testing.
Pre-calculus: 88-question review packet and a final exam
Choir: performance tonight, performance on the last day of school with our percussion ensemble, and a performance at graduation
AP Lang: an essay, a speech, and an actual final exam
Physics: 120-question review packet and a final exam
Creative Writing: a portfolio with a decorated cover, a reflection, table of contents, and abstract for every single piece in there, plus an extra poetry assignment
APUSH: final presentation and a final exam with a 75-question, open-ended study guide
I’m not saying I’m gonna jump off a bridge but I’ve never understood the urge more.
2024.05.15 15:48 Ronin-Akira AITAH for wanting my teacher to be removed?
Male, 30. For some context: in my country, when someone can't finish high-school for whatever reason when younger, they can try again in adulthood by going through other type of courses to get their diploma. Right now, I'm going through one of these mentioned processes.
Ever since the course started back in April, a teacher has been beyond mediocre. She's always absent, late, and if she's present, her classes are incomplete and more often than not, incomprehensible (and from what I've heard from fellow students, she was the same last year, I wasn't in the institution last year though) so I, with the help of some students, presented a formal complaint to the principal office, this, to have her removed: the institution warned her, that if another complaint were to be present, she'll be fired. Ever since the first letter was filed (which was about 3 weeks ago) clases haven't gotten any better. To the point that some students have even quit the institution all together.
I have been thinking about filing another letter, but here's the thing, she recently told us that her children are sick, and so fellow students who still aren't happy with her class, and aren't truly learning anything, stand by her below average service because "Oh well she's going through tough times".
People have told me that it's shocking that I'm thinking about filing another letter, like caring about my future makes me an asshole, would I be the asshole for doing so though? It's not like she's going to be jobless, likely she'll just be relocated to another school. Here's the facts, at this school, we're all adults, most of us with families or work (or both) to take care of, I can feel empathy for the teacher and her family, but I don't feel like I should compromise my future, just because a teacher at one time was feeling down. If I want to obtain my high-school diploma to eventually go to college, get better job opportunities, so on, I need a teacher who does her job right. Who allows me to learn so I can succeed at the exams this coming september. If I fail the exams because I didn't have a proper teacher, regardless of the reasons, that's a whole lot of more money and time spent in 2025. Money and time I rather spend in college.
Edit: Grammar, "get better job", not "bet better" like originally written.
submitted by Ronin-Akira to AITAH [link] [comments]
Ever since the course started back in April, a teacher has been beyond mediocre. She's always absent, late, and if she's present, her classes are incomplete and more often than not, incomprehensible (and from what I've heard from fellow students, she was the same last year, I wasn't in the institution last year though) so I, with the help of some students, presented a formal complaint to the principal office, this, to have her removed: the institution warned her, that if another complaint were to be present, she'll be fired. Ever since the first letter was filed (which was about 3 weeks ago) clases haven't gotten any better. To the point that some students have even quit the institution all together.
I have been thinking about filing another letter, but here's the thing, she recently told us that her children are sick, and so fellow students who still aren't happy with her class, and aren't truly learning anything, stand by her below average service because "Oh well she's going through tough times".
People have told me that it's shocking that I'm thinking about filing another letter, like caring about my future makes me an asshole, would I be the asshole for doing so though? It's not like she's going to be jobless, likely she'll just be relocated to another school. Here's the facts, at this school, we're all adults, most of us with families or work (or both) to take care of, I can feel empathy for the teacher and her family, but I don't feel like I should compromise my future, just because a teacher at one time was feeling down. If I want to obtain my high-school diploma to eventually go to college, get better job opportunities, so on, I need a teacher who does her job right. Who allows me to learn so I can succeed at the exams this coming september. If I fail the exams because I didn't have a proper teacher, regardless of the reasons, that's a whole lot of more money and time spent in 2025. Money and time I rather spend in college.
Edit: Grammar, "get better job", not "bet better" like originally written.
2024.05.15 15:18 yenagumi UPLB BS AAE — Agriculturist Boards?
Hi po! I'm currently an undergrad student from UPLB taking BS Agricultural and Applied Economics. I want to take the boards for Agriculturist, but I wonder if it's okay since our curriculum prescribes only 7/9 of the required units to qualify for the exams. I will still be taking the remaining two as additional units (non-credited), but will this suffice? Please let me know po if this still qualifies because I consulted my adviser and maybe someone did this before since they allowed me naman, just asked for a formal letter 🙏
Source: https://www.prc.gov.ph/list-of- requirements#:~:text=Graduate%20of%20Bachelor%2Oof%20Science,protection%20subjects%2C%20tw0%20animal%20science
submitted by yenagumi to peyups [link] [comments]
Source: https://www.prc.gov.ph/list-of- requirements#:~:text=Graduate%20of%20Bachelor%2Oof%20Science,protection%20subjects%2C%20tw0%20animal%20science
2024.05.15 14:34 Wise-Pepper-375 Mastering IIT JEE: Unlocking Success with Disha Classes in Delhi
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submitted by Wise-Pepper-375 to u/Wise-Pepper-375 [link] [comments]
Are you ready to embark on the exhilarating journey towards cracking the IIT JEE and securing your place in India's top engineering colleges? Look no further than Disha Classes, the unrivaled leader in IIT JEE coaching in Delhi.
Pioneering Excellence at Disha Classes
For over 28 years, Disha Classes has been synonymous with excellence, dedication, and success in IIT JEE coaching in Delhi. Founded by Mr. JB Gupta, an esteemed IIT BHU graduate from the class of 1989, our institute has been instrumental in shaping the aspirations of countless IIT aspirants.The Disha Advantage
1. Proven Pedagogy
At Disha Classes, we believe in laying a strong foundation through conceptual clarity, rigorous practice, and strategic exam preparation. Our meticulously designed curriculum, crafted by seasoned educators and industry experts, ensures that students are well-equipped to tackle the complexities of the IIT JEE.2. Experienced Faculty
Our greatest asset lies in our faculty - a team of dedicated educators comprising IIT graduates and subject matter experts. With their unparalleled expertise, personalized attention, and mentorship, they guide students through every step of their academic journey, igniting their passion for learning and ensuring their success.3. Holistic Development
Beyond academics, we are committed to nurturing holistic development by fostering values of integrity, perseverance, and leadership. Through a range of co-curricular activities, workshops, and seminars, we empower students to excel not just in academics but also in life.Your Path to Success Starts Here
Whether you're aiming for JEE Main, JEE Advanced, or any other engineering entrance exam, Disha Classes provides the perfect launchpad for your aspirations. Our results speak for themselves, with a long list of top rankers and success stories that bear testament to our unwavering commitment to excellence.Join the Disha Family Today
Ready to embark on a transformative journey towards your IIT dreams? Explore the world of possibilities at Disha Classes. Visit our website https://www.dishaclasses.org/ to learn more about our courses, faculty profiles, success stories, and more. Take the first step towards a brighter future with Delhi's premier coaching institute for IIT JEE preparation - Disha Classes.With Disha Classes by your side, success is not just a destination - it's a journey of growth, learning, and triumph. Dare to dream, strive for excellence, and let Disha Classes be your guide to success in the exhilarating world of IIT JEE.
2024.05.15 14:21 baljitjoshi Unveiling the Top 10 Cat Coaching Institutes in Kolkata
In the realm of education, where learning takes many forms, there's a unique examination that cat lovers in Kolkata are keen to excel in - cat coaching. Yes, you read it right! CAT, or the Common Admission Test, isn't the only "cat" in town. In this blog, we'll be exploring the top 10 cat coaching in Kolkata, helping aspiring students navigate the purr-placing world of feline education and preparation.
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1. iQuanta:
iQuanta has earned its place among the top cat coaching institutes in Kolkata with its innovative teaching methodologies and personalized approach to student learning. With a focus on conceptual clarity and strategic problem-solving techniques, they equip students with the skills and confidence needed to excel in the feline exam.2. Paws-on Learning Institute:
At Paws-on Learning Institute, the focus isn't just on academic excellence but also on fostering a deeper understanding of feline behaviour and psychology. With experienced trainers and a comprehensive curriculum, they prepare students to tackle every aspect of the feline exam with confidence.3. Whisker Wisdom Academy:
Whisker Wisdom Academy takes a holistic approach to cat coaching, incorporating interactive learning modules and real-life case studies to deepen students' knowledge and skills. Their innovative teaching methods ensure that students are well-prepared to tackle even the trickiest questions on the feline exam.4. Purr-fect Scores Coaching Center:
Purr-fect Scores Coaching Center is renowned for its track record of success in helping students achieve top scores on the feline exam. With a team of dedicated faculty members and a rigorous training regimen, they leave no stone unturned in ensuring that every student reaches their full potential.5. Claw Academy:
Claw Academy is committed to providing personalized attention and support to every student, tailoring their coaching programs to meet individual learning styles and preferences. With a focus on building strong fundamentals and problem-solving skills, they empower students to excel in the feline exam and beyond.6. Meow Masters Institute:
Meow Masters Institute boasts a team of highly qualified faculty members who are experts in their field. Through comprehensive study materials, regular mock tests, and personalized feedback, they prepare students to ace the feline exam with flying colours.7. Catapult Coaching Classes:
Catapult Coaching Classes believes in the power of practice and perseverance when it comes to cat coaching. With a structured curriculum and ample opportunities for revision and reinforcement, they help students build confidence and competence in tackling the feline exam.8. Feline Fortune Academy:
Feline Fortune Academy offers a range of coaching programs designed to cater to students of all skill levels and backgrounds. Whether you're a novice or a seasoned pro, their experienced faculty members provide the guidance and support you need to succeed in the feline exam.9. Pawsitive Learning Hub:
Pawsitive Learning Hub combines traditional teaching methods with modern technology to create a dynamic and engaging learning environment for students. Through interactive lectures, online resources, and hands-on activities, they ensure that every student is well-prepared for the feline exam.10. Fur-tunate Success Academy:
Fur-tunate Success Academy is dedicated to helping students realize their full potential and achieve their academic goals. With a supportive learning community and a commitment to excellence, they provide the guidance and resources needed to excel in the feline exam and beyond.Conclusion:
In the competitive world of feline education, choosing the right cat coaching institute can make all the difference in achieving success. With our list of the top 10 institutes in Kolkata, aspiring students can find the perfect fit for their learning needs and embark on a journey towards feline excellence. So, whether you're a whisker away from the exam or just starting your preparation, these institutes are here to help you unleash your inner cat-titude and conquer the feline exam with confidence!2024.05.15 14:16 green0214 Clear info on the back papers for old students
Is it just me or anyone else feeling left in the dark regarding the amount of times we are allowed chance exams for the back papers? Cant find any info regarding this online on IOE website or any other affiliated college website. We were told that we could only appear in back exams upto 4 years after the usual course period of 4 years. That is if someone started at 2013. They could attend in back papers till 2013+4+4=2021 But I started in 2013 and i could appear on golden chance of 2023. I understand there was covid and all. But can I appear on upcoming exams?
Also there were some rumors that theres a provision for diploma certificate if the students have passed their first two years? I know it sounds silly. But there was a rumour. Could be great to get someone with accurate information on this one.
Any information is appreciated. Thanks.
submitted by green0214 to IOENepal [link] [comments]
Also there were some rumors that theres a provision for diploma certificate if the students have passed their first two years? I know it sounds silly. But there was a rumour. Could be great to get someone with accurate information on this one.
Any information is appreciated. Thanks.
2024.05.15 12:33 First_Will2524 Ending my med school journey
I’m a first year med student [27F] in Hungary. Med school takes 6 years long to finish. I have a degree, I’m a pharmacist doctor (5 years of university) and I started med school right away because I wanted something different. I’m about to finish my second semester but I have terrible feelings: I will be in huge debt, finishing school at 33 but I want to have kids so much (I have a husband). Needless to say I can not work besides school, so my husband need to work extra hours. 11 years spent in university seems like a nightmare.
Yesterday I failed an exam and seriously thought about quitting all and getting back into pharmacy.
What would you do in my place?
submitted by First_Will2524 to medicalschool [link] [comments]
Yesterday I failed an exam and seriously thought about quitting all and getting back into pharmacy.
What would you do in my place?
2024.05.15 09:12 Famous-Professor-494 Best MBBS Abroad Consultancy Study in Abroad FlyFuture MBBS in Russia
MBBS, or Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery, is one of the most sought-after undergraduate courses in the field of medicine. Many students dream of becoming doctors, and studying MBBS in Russia has become a popular option for students who want to pursue their medical education abroad.
The best medical universities in Russia for Indian Students are highly reputed for their high-quality education and affordable tuition fees. The medical schools in Russia offer a variety of courses in medicine, dentistry, nursing, and pharmacy. The duration of the MBBS course in Russia is six years, which includes one year of internship. The course is taught in English, so students from all over the world can easily understand and follow the lectures.
The Russian universities offer an MCI Screening test training on campus if you have a high FMGE Score.
Technology-enabled education and technologically equipped education MBBS is supported by the latest equipment and cutting-edge teaching techniques widely used in medical institutions around the world.
Many specialization courses The reality is that Russian medical schools offer students many options and specializations. Students can choose a specialization in more than 100 areas.
Low Tuition Fees: The tuition fees for MBBS in Russia are relatively low compared to other countries such as the United States, the United Kingdom, or Australia. This makes it an affordable option for students who cannot afford the high tuition fees in other countries.
World-Class Infrastructure: The medical universities in Russia have world-class infrastructure, which includes modern laboratories, research facilities, and hospitals. This provides students with hands-on experience and exposure to the latest medical technology.
English-Taught Courses: The MBBS courses in Russia are taught in English, which makes it easy for international students to understand and follow the lectures.
Internationally Recognized Degree: The MBBS degree from a Russian medical university is internationally recognized, which means that students can practice medicine in any part of the world after completing their degree.
The most renowned graduates from Russian medical institutions currently work in top hospitals around the globe. Course Duration: The MBBS course offered at the University of Russia is offered in English The duration of the course is 6 years.
The world's most renowned medical schools are accredited through the WHO as well as the NMC. 20,000 Indian students are studying at the university! The ranking of Russian medical schools 30th position among the top 100 medical schools, according to the "Directory of World Medical Schools" of the World Health Organization (WHO).
Studying MBBS in Russia is an excellent option for students who want to pursue their medical education abroad. The universities in Russia offer quality education, world-class infrastructure, and internationally recognized degrees. The low tuition fees make it an affordable option for students who cannot afford to study in other countries. If you are planning to study MBBS abroad, then Russia is worth considering.
submitted by Famous-Professor-494 to u/Famous-Professor-494 [link] [comments]
The best medical universities in Russia for Indian Students are highly reputed for their high-quality education and affordable tuition fees. The medical schools in Russia offer a variety of courses in medicine, dentistry, nursing, and pharmacy. The duration of the MBBS course in Russia is six years, which includes one year of internship. The course is taught in English, so students from all over the world can easily understand and follow the lectures.
Reasons to study MBBS in Russia
The average MBBS costs in Russia range from 2.5 to 5 lakhs per year. Russian government provides subsidies of 70% to students enrolled in MBBS in Russian Colleges. Russian Fees are Affordable and Feasible.The Russian universities offer an MCI Screening test training on campus if you have a high FMGE Score.
Technology-enabled education and technologically equipped education MBBS is supported by the latest equipment and cutting-edge teaching techniques widely used in medical institutions around the world.
Many specialization courses The reality is that Russian medical schools offer students many options and specializations. Students can choose a specialization in more than 100 areas.
Benefits Of MBBS In Russia For Indian Students 2024-25
Quality Education: Best medical universities in Russia are highly reputed for providing quality education in medicine. The universities are recognized by the World Health Organization (WHO), which means that students who graduate from these universities are eligible to practice medicine in any part of the world.Low Tuition Fees: The tuition fees for MBBS in Russia are relatively low compared to other countries such as the United States, the United Kingdom, or Australia. This makes it an affordable option for students who cannot afford the high tuition fees in other countries.
World-Class Infrastructure: The medical universities in Russia have world-class infrastructure, which includes modern laboratories, research facilities, and hospitals. This provides students with hands-on experience and exposure to the latest medical technology.
English-Taught Courses: The MBBS courses in Russia are taught in English, which makes it easy for international students to understand and follow the lectures.
Internationally Recognized Degree: The MBBS degree from a Russian medical university is internationally recognized, which means that students can practice medicine in any part of the world after completing their degree.
- No entrance exam and no donation.
- 100% visa guarantee.
- All universities are government universities of Russia.
- Medical Colleges/Universities in Russia approved by MCI & WHO.
- European standard of living.
- Indian Mess is available in most universities.
Top Medical Universities in Russia
- Crimea Federal University
- Kazan State Medical University
- Kursk State Medical University
- Kazan Federal University
- Far Eastern Federal University
- Orenburg State Medical University
- Northern State Medical University
- Orel State University
- Bashkir State University
- Ulyanovsk State University
- Peoples’ Friendship University
- Pirogov Russian National Research Medical University
- First Moscow State Medical University
- Volgograd State Medical University
- Altai State Medical University
- Omsk State Medical University
- Rostov State Medical University
- Dagestan State Medical University
- Kuban State Medical University
- Siberian State Medical University
- Perm State University
- Mari State University
- Mordovia State University
- Tyumen State Medical University
- Ingush State University
- Saint Petersburg State Medical University
- Novosibirsk State University
- Peoples Friendship University of Russia
- Kemerovo State Medical University
- Tula State University
- Pacific State Medical University
Why Study MBBS in Russia?
A ranking of Russian medical Universities 30 places among the top 100 medical Colleges, according to the "Directory of World Medical Universities" of the World Health Organization (WHO).The most renowned graduates from Russian medical institutions currently work in top hospitals around the globe. Course Duration: The MBBS course offered at the University of Russia is offered in English The duration of the course is 6 years.
About Russia
Russia is situated within Asia as well as Eastern Europe. Moscow is the biggest global city and the capital city of Russia. It is home to the Russian currency is called the ruble. The official and local Russian language used is Russian. Russia has a land frontier with Finland, Belarus, Latvia, Ukraine, Georgia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, China, Norway, Estonia, Lithuania as well as Poland, Mongolia, and North Korea. The Russian government is based on a democratic system of government.The world's most renowned medical schools are accredited through the WHO as well as the NMC. 20,000 Indian students are studying at the university! The ranking of Russian medical schools 30th position among the top 100 medical schools, according to the "Directory of World Medical Schools" of the World Health Organization (WHO).
Studying MBBS in Russia is an excellent option for students who want to pursue their medical education abroad. The universities in Russia offer quality education, world-class infrastructure, and internationally recognized degrees. The low tuition fees make it an affordable option for students who cannot afford to study in other countries. If you are planning to study MBBS abroad, then Russia is worth considering.
2024.05.15 07:16 Athlete-Cute Chance me for GT UNC Vandy and UF
Chance me for GT, UNC, UVA and Vandy CC transfer
Demographics:
Between CompSci and Neuroscience
ACT/SAT/SAT II:
ACT - 28 (I'm cooked)
SAT - plan to take over the summer / fall
UW/W GPA and Rank:
HS - 3.6 UW 3.9 W
College - 3.9
Coursework:
All IGSCE classes through highschool 8 AICE classes and AICE diploma w merit, 2 APs ( Comp Sci and Calc no credit)
So far I’ve taken LA, Calc 1-3, CS 1-2 and Chem 1&2. Planning on taking diffeq and some more major based classes in the fall
Awards:
Deans list since I've been in
National Cybersecurity competition in HS placed in the top 5% and got a 2.5k scholarship
Extracurriculars:
Student Ambassador in HS, spoke at board of education for my state, local chamber of commerce, and a few other business conferences on bringing internships to local highschool.
Founded a coding club while I was in AIT for the Army with 15-30 weekly members
Contributed to part of the python course in AIT since I was already working as a developer
AI4ALL @ carnigie mellon during the summer ( Junior year HS)
Captain of varsity wrestling team in HS
Alot of passion projects using embedded chips ( arduinos) one being a device to predict seizures.
Interned with a T2 consulting firm in HS and got offered a full time spot which I have been working ever since. 40 hours a week as a SWE
Currently confounding a startup and doing research in wearable drone jammers
Essays/LORs/Other:
Really good essay on how I was introduced and have been interested in Comp Sci since middle school and how my brother constantly breaking my toys led me into engineering ( rebuilding and taking apart toys).
Also talk about how I am the youngest in my family and grew up in a broken household where my siblings were constantly in and out of jail
Have been featured in my city business journal but idk if that's worth including
I have a certification in Cybersecurity and one for Java SE 8, looking to get more over the summer as well as more community service hours
Schools: Denied from Gatech my freshman year but looking to transfer in the spring.
submitted by Athlete-Cute to TransferChanceMe [link] [comments]
Demographics:
- Black and Hispanic
- Male
- local Community college
- First generation, Special needs twin who is my main motivation, Idepenent since senior year of HS, Military ( National Guard)
Between CompSci and Neuroscience
ACT/SAT/SAT II:
ACT - 28 (I'm cooked)
SAT - plan to take over the summer / fall
UW/W GPA and Rank:
HS - 3.6 UW 3.9 W
College - 3.9
Coursework:
All IGSCE classes through highschool 8 AICE classes and AICE diploma w merit, 2 APs ( Comp Sci and Calc no credit)
So far I’ve taken LA, Calc 1-3, CS 1-2 and Chem 1&2. Planning on taking diffeq and some more major based classes in the fall
Awards:
Deans list since I've been in
National Cybersecurity competition in HS placed in the top 5% and got a 2.5k scholarship
Extracurriculars:
Student Ambassador in HS, spoke at board of education for my state, local chamber of commerce, and a few other business conferences on bringing internships to local highschool.
Founded a coding club while I was in AIT for the Army with 15-30 weekly members
Contributed to part of the python course in AIT since I was already working as a developer
AI4ALL @ carnigie mellon during the summer ( Junior year HS)
Captain of varsity wrestling team in HS
Alot of passion projects using embedded chips ( arduinos) one being a device to predict seizures.
Interned with a T2 consulting firm in HS and got offered a full time spot which I have been working ever since. 40 hours a week as a SWE
Currently confounding a startup and doing research in wearable drone jammers
Essays/LORs/Other:
Really good essay on how I was introduced and have been interested in Comp Sci since middle school and how my brother constantly breaking my toys led me into engineering ( rebuilding and taking apart toys).
Also talk about how I am the youngest in my family and grew up in a broken household where my siblings were constantly in and out of jail
Have been featured in my city business journal but idk if that's worth including
I have a certification in Cybersecurity and one for Java SE 8, looking to get more over the summer as well as more community service hours
Schools: Denied from Gatech my freshman year but looking to transfer in the spring.
2024.05.15 03:10 pumpkin_pie_10 Should I study in Moscow?
American here. I’m currently in my second to last year of school (11th grade here, 10th grade in Russia) and I am most likely going to go study in Russia. I am fluent in English and in Russian and I also have a Russian passport (international). There is a quota system that I qualify for going on where basically you are allowed to apply your American high school diploma and basically get accepted to any top university except МГУ and МГИМО without taking the ЕГЭ or any other exams. I was looking at a few including ВШЕ, Бауман, etc. (Tech schools) I want to go study cybersecurity or computer science. My question is, first of all, is it worth studying in Moscow at all? Should I go study in a different city? And is it safe? I mean I was raised in basically a russian speaking household however most people who I interact with will obviously suspect that I am a foreigner. Also, are there any good schools besides the ones I have listed that I should look at? And lastly, is there anything I should watch out for if I choose study there? Also I forgot to mention that I’m not exactly alone as most of my family lives there anyway.
submitted by pumpkin_pie_10 to Moscow [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:36 Trapped_Mechanic TIFU by offering my dying friend my spare bedroom.
So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
submitted by Trapped_Mechanic to tifu [link] [comments]
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
2024.05.15 02:17 hrhsherr Chance me pls
Demographics:
submitted by hrhsherr to chanceme [link] [comments]
- Gender: Male
- Race: White
- Residence: Suburbs outside of Philadelphia, PA
- Income bracket: Upper Middle Class
- Intended Majors: Chemical or Mechanical Engineering
- 4.0 unweighted GPA (4.23 on a 4.5 scale where honors are +0.25 and AP is +0.5)
- My school doesn't do class rankings
- 1560 SAT (800 Math)
- Will finish high school with 12 APs although I'm only in my Junior year so I'm only taking/have taken 7
- All 5s on the 3 AP exams I've taken
- Unless I choked probably another 3 5's and a 4 after how my current exams went
- FBLA: Made it to states twice for FBLA in Mobile App Development, placed 9th last year and 3rd this year and am now attending nationals where I probably will not place top 10 but who knows maybe I'm the goat. I am running for PR this year (No clue if I'm winning)
- Student Council: I was a chair for our school charity drive and a chair for a school dance we held and have 40+ volunteer hours in the club and am running for Historian this year (No clue if I'm winning once again)
- Tutoring Club: I am currently PR in our schools tutoring club so I run a social media although not much has been posted on it and also look through application on who to accept or deny as a tutor
- STEM Club: A little weaker since it's mostly just in house competitions but I am an active member and also am running for an officer position since a lot of officers are graduating and I'm one of the most active members but I probably won't win.
- Track and Field: I ran indoor and outdoor track and field my freshman and sophomore years and only did not run this year due to a knee injury that I've been going to physical therapy for
- NHS: I have literally done nothing in this club yet other than my 10 hours that were required.
- MiniTHON: My school hosts their own version of Penn State's "THON" where we stand for 10 hours and raise awareness for pediatric cancer. I was a part of the Business Outreach Management committee and went door to door to businesses in order to get businesses to sponsor our event as well as raising over $100 for the event outside of just businesses
- Part Time Job: I work at MOD Pizza and have worked there for roughly a year now where I've had to train numerous new employees. In the summer I work 4 days a week and in the school year I work 1-2 a week.
- German NHS (Basically nothing)
- 9th place at Pennsylvania FBLA's State Leadership Conference in Mobile Application Development
- 3rd place at Pennsylvania FBLA's State Leadership Conference in Mobile Application Development
- Student of the Month (IK this doesn't mean a lot I just have few awards unfortunately)
- 1 time Thanksgiving football champion as starting running back (Strongest EC)
- I asked for one from my English teacher who should write some gas and then I'm between my math and bio teacher because they both know me well and I feel like my math teacher likes me more but my bio teacher might write a better one but then again the math teacher might spend more time on one because he gets asked less for them but yeah.
- I've only drafted my essay and not many people have looked at it but it certainly isn't bad so ill give it a 5-6/10 for now but hopefully I can make it not ass cuz otherwise I'm cooked
- Drexel
- University of Michigan
- GA Tech (I realize that this is a big reach)
- University of Maryland, College Park
- Notre Dame
- UT Austin
- University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign (Grainger)