Congestion cough pain in head chest

growing up my mom was emotionally neglectful, and verbally and physically abusive. for the majority of my childhood, she believed those were valid because I needed to be punished. then it turned into she didn't know any better and that it was because I was frustrating. somewhere along the line she has admitted to taking her anger out on me. but like always as soon as the day is over its like everything she said has no relevance or effect on why I'm so hurt and damaged.
in December I recently moved back home after being in school for 2 years and everything is still the same. but we got into an argument that really cleared some things up for me. a lot was said, and a lot of excuses were made to somehow explain how my issues have nothing to do with her. I'm not going to get into specifics because it's not relevant. but in that conversation and reflecting on all the nonsense that was spued. as I laid in bed it felt like 24 years of life played over in my head. every time my mom got frustrated and hurt me physically or verbally. her and my family only ever noticed her pain. they both said and assumed its ok she's your child she'll forgive you, she will still love you. and after 20 years of the same cycle repeating.
I never understood why they couldn't see my perspective. I never understood why they believed I should have known better than to allow my frustration to become violent as a child but her as an adult shouldn't have been held to the same standard. let alone the slew of other issues that started when I was a baby.
all that combined with spending more time with my extended family, I've come to realize the superiority complex that's been breaded into my family. it's never about right and wrong, it's always only ever been about who's in charge. if you speak over a grandparent its disrespectful or dishonoring. not because of anything in particular, but because they are your grandparent.
I could go on and on with examples, but after that argument, I realized there's no point in trying because their values aren't rooted in right and wrong. it's rooted in I'm the parent, I'm the adult, I'm your grandparent, so what I say goes, or because I said so.

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

I honestly don´t know how to go about this... I have never posted anything before but when things happen I tend to start writting things up. This time, this time something told me to ... dunno share? I'm rambling Im sorry. I´ll get to it.
Well, you're scared now. There is a hollow sensation in your chest that feels like both a deep dark hole and like a needle is being pushed in you. Suffocating.
Is ok to be scared, you'll show them.... you HAVE showed them. What a sweet thing, no? To find who you are. Why must you quiet it down? For whom? Have we not shown... Have I not shown myself just how strong I really am? Being odd is fine. Scared is fine. Mad or confused is still fine. You deserve to cry, I deserve to cry.
I feel like I just entered a Cristal Maze, and I do not know if there is an ending.
What if there is not? What does it matter? Does it matter?
Even tough I'm lost I still travel with me. How others take my news is how they take them.
For better or for worse, I am still with me every step of the way.
What If I you tought you were a tree but you're an Ocean? What if I did?
Even if so, they both need each other. And how privileged, what a privilege to walk this path with me.
To know that I am an ocean.
What blessing is to be doubly exceptional.
I/we wouldn't have it any other way.
This is not the first time, this is not the last time. And how fortunate I am, to be scared, overewhelmed, to stand across the door.
Are you not proud, am I not proud, to know I have the strength of crossing it?
Are you (am I) not excited to meet the (me) you on the other side?
We both know she is waiting for us; waiting with open arms.
So what if I thought I was a tree but I am an ocean? I don't mind. From this Pain and this tears a flower is blooming.
Even if the labrinth is eternal, it doesnt matter at all. I am walking with myself, every step of the way.
And with every step of the way I'm blooming.
(I wrote this all in postits which is the reason the lineas are so strange, also English is not my first language and I was having a mental breakdown and I dont know why I am making excuses, thank you for listening(?) to me.)

as of this morning whenever i take a deep breath, sneeze, cough or anything is the sort i have pain in my shoulders and upper back. is this worth getting checked out or should i keep up with the ibuprofen? edit: 24 male 190lbs heavy nicotine and marijuana smoker

You look around until you see a small animal looking at you. It looks like a cross between a lion and a unicorn. It's a bit smaller than a standard house cat. So small, you're not even afraid of it. It's actually cute. Looks like a pokemon.
"Yeah, you. Come here." Her voice is friendly and childlike. You walk over to her and ask what she wants. She tells you that her name is Phoebe, she's a demon, and that she will grant you wishes if you feed her.
You ask her what she wants. She asks for a house cat with a broken neck. You protest, but she tells you the reward will be worth it. Reluctantly, you accept.
Your neighbor's cat is always pooping on your property. You stepped in cat poop this morning. You catch the little bugger, but you let it go. You're not a killer.
Unfortunately, while running away from you, the cat gets hit by a car, is flung a good 50 feet, and is then struck by another car coming from the opposite direction.
Phoebe happily trots over and starts devouring what's left of the poor kitty. You ask about your reward, and she asks you what you want. You ask for a million dollars, but she only gives you $10,000, saying you "didn't do it right."
The money instantly appears in your bank account and you go on a shopping spree. The next day, you wake to Phoebe standing in your windowsill. She's a little bigger now. About the size of a small dog.
She asks you to bring her a dog with all its legs cut off. You're sickened by the request, but given the reward earlier, you consider it. You ask her if it can be a stray. She says it has to be a pet, saying that she "doesn't eat worthless meat."
With your stomach turning, you oblige. After the deed is done, you ask for ten million dollars out of sheer frustration. To your surprise, she gives you 20 million because she says she "likes how eager you were to accomplish your task."
You immediately purchase a large home, a nice car, and some new clothes to replace your blood soaked ones. You have a nightmare that night about what you did to that dog, but it's interrupted by Phoebe.
She's now about the size of a medium sized dog. She asks you to bring her a human finger. You couldn't possibly do that. You offer one of your own, but she refuses, saying that you're "worth so much more whole."
Once again, you reluctantly agree. You find a sleeping homeless man and, using a cigar clipper, quickly snip off his pinky finger. The man screams in pain as you run off with the severed digit.
In your haste to get away, you run right in front of a dump truck and get wrapped around the tires. You die instantly with your guts on display for all to see. That is, until Phoebe comes by, accepts her gift, and puts you back together like humpty dumpty.
You ask for a hundred million dollars, but she refuses, saying that you being resurrected was your reward as she "thought that's what you would have wanted."
You're angry, but there isn't anything you can do, so you just go home. The next day, Phoebe wakes you again. She's the size of a black bear. She asks you for a severed human head.
This time, you put your foot down. No way in hell you're going that far. Even with Phoebe's promises of a worthwhile reward, you stand your ground. You're not killing anyone.
Disappointed, Phoebe takes a few steps forward, getting uncomfortably close. "Well, I guess I'll just have to find something else to eat, hmm?" she says, looking you dead in the eyes.
Your heart drops and you start to shake. You should have known you'd get burned playing with fire. "Wait!" you shout. You agree to get her a severed head, but you don't even believe yourself.
Phoebe pauses for a moment. "Okie dokie, then. See ya soon," she says as she trots off. You leave the house, but don't even make it off the porch. You're frozen in fear. You still haven't stopped shaking.
You look to your right. Phoebe's standing on your roof, staring directly at you. You walk to your car and drive off.
What now? Do you try to run and hide? Perhaps you're in too deep and you'll just comply? Or maybe you're feeling daring and will try to kill Phoebe?
What will you do?

For example I have 6 on my thighs I all barely felt, my sternum/chest tickled, and my stomach hurt slightly but mostly tickled. And my neck I barely felt. My forearm for some reason has been the most painful tat which wasn't that bad. Gonna get around the knee cap done in a few days tho, any tattoos to compare it to?

Male, 30, 5’6”
Symptoms: Insomnia, severe chest pain that radiates to the arms, legs, neck, shoulders and back. A dry persistent cough where I cough every 10 seconds if I’m not talking. Feeling of poor blood circulation. Often either hot or cold and no inbetween. Chest pain is worse when lying down. Chest, shoulders, and abdomen hurt when you press on them. Chest hurts more when I raise my arm.
ER ran a bunch of tests on me and found nothing. But I’m positive this has to be Heart Failure. Can anyone chime in?

Me and him have been friends for about year now, although my mother has known him and his family since her middle school years, i’ve recently began to develop feelings for him, me and him hang out almost every weekend and I’m starting to get a gut feeling that he likes me too because of some of the things that he does, for example when we are on the phone, he always takes pictures of me and the other day, I asked him who he liked, and he quickly changed the subject and just sent the embarrassing picture of me and then he said I’m surprised you don’t know who it is yet. another time me and him were like in his bed and I was between his legs and I started to get tired. He asked me if I was tired and I said yes, and shortly after that, I fell asleep. I woke up to him, rubbing my head, playing with my hair, and touching my face. another thing that he did to make me think that he’s into me is one time we were in his kitchen and making smoothies and I was in front of the fridge which he needed to get to to grab out the milk and he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me to the side. also, one day he was on the phone with my ex, and he didn’t know that I was there, and I heard my ex starting to talk bad about me which I obviously started crying to, the guy that I like shortly after hung up the phone hugged me and made sure that I was alright. He put both of our phones to the side during this also and after it, he just stared at me for a solid two minutes and then started smiling. there’s more instances like this, such as him laying on my chest and my thighs, and his reposts are all about a girl that he will not tell me about. me and him are going to the arcade this weekend and if he doesn’t end up asking me out I’m just gonna tell him I like him. Do you guys think he likes me or is he just being friendly?

A relative of mine had their failed dental implant removed. Had to find an oral surgeon to do an emergency removal since it was infected.
The Doctor rushed giving her papers to sign since the office was going to close and then rushed giving her injections. He didn't wait long before the Novocain or whatever injections he gave her time to kick in.
She was screaming in pain and it was not fun hearing her from the waiting room. And, after it was done she noticed a light pain on the side of her throat where the tooth was on. She called him a number of times to ask about it and he said to come in to chat. He won't tell her anything on the phone? (I'm guessing for legal purposes and in the event he damaged any kind of nerve he knows he is in the clear cause of all the documents she signed)
But, more than that I was wondering if you are pulling an infected dental implant should a person be in that much pain? My thinking was the doctor just wanted to go home and rushed it? My relative had every teeth procedure in the book and I never heard them in so much pain in the dental chair.
PS- Recently read a horrible review on the doctor from a few years ago where a woman's mom died in his dental chair cause she had asthma and he blew off her symptoms to her daughter and didn't call 911. He didn't do chest compressions or anything. It was a sad read.

Morris stayed hidden for days, of course he wasn’t the only one left behind. A burned drone who would not wake up, a student named Kerr, and a drone seemingly losing all touch with reality named Luther. They barricaded the room of the patient, and stayed in there for weeks as the room was well off the beaten path. One day, Kerr asked “So what are your stories?” when there was nothing to do. “I was part of the WDF at one point, as I was part of the military grade drone experiment. The others left me to die, but I didn’t and now here we are…” said Luther. Morris decided now was a good time to reveal his crimes, “I was part of a test of drone software stability against viruses, unfortunately I never regained complete stability. The parts of my software that were for sympathy and morals were corrupted, along with a thirst for violence appearing… have you heard the stories of the drone named Morris? That’s me, and most of them are true… I also killed several drones here. I was gonna torch the bodies but the undead stopped me, and the events up to here were (Go read the last couple chapters except for Fade to Gray).”
[Malkor hosting enabled] I saw the shocked expressions on their faces, and smiled slightly… I then told them of the transmission I got from the teacher. “What’s your story Kerr?” I asked calmly, knowing very well the free oil supply that was the burned drone wouldn’t speak. “Well… I was studying to reinforce the doors, and also founded a little group called ‘Delta Company’ which basically was enforcing military restrictions on the other students…” I cracked up, “Alright we got a drone in white plaster, a fascist, Yossarian, and a psychopathic killer… well this should be a great group for Delta Company.” Kerr rolled her eyes, “Sure, it didn’t become a thing because the zombies had to show up… also you and your friends lit up most of the members and the others… well you can probably guess what happened to them.” I thought for a second, “What’s stopping us from rebuilding it? I mean we can head to the dead zone, which is in need of leadership anyway, and start recruiting people and drones.” Kerr snickered, “Well if we even survive this bunker…” Luther was seemingly able to comprehend what we were saying, “I could be security…” he said off handedly. “I probably won’t join you though, I’m already a member of a faction in the zone.” I lowered the neck of my shirt to reveal a tattoo on my shoulder, two sideways Vs intersecting each other. “Well, it never hurts to have an ally… especially with the Invisibilia.” The sound of banging on the door was heard, considering the somewhat frantic banging along with the smell of gasoline it’s probably Uzi and N. “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the enhancements that came with the software corruption… I can alter the perception of reality to an extent.” I got up and started to bend reality just a bit, and slung my AK over my shoulder with a tire iron in my right hand. They gave me good luck or rather, the illusion of Morris good luck.
This will probably be a good test to see if those undead feel fear, or have some semblance of their old selves in there. My intuition of N and Uzi being at the door was right, and I try to hit them through the crack of the door. After getting them off I use my schizophrenia giving powers to their fullest extent, I alert V of my presence but that is subsided by the hesitation to come close. Apparently they do feel fear from me, now let’s see if they have memories. “What’s wrong N? Couldn’t deal with having to fight your girlfriends? You’re almost as pathetic as Nori… correction moreso, you just had to steal the kill from me.” This of course sends Uzi into what I can only describe as shock, so that answers that. Either way I turn all of them into slices of swiss cheese, however the bunker is still full and the others opt to leave the injured drone behind as their practically dead weight… no matter, for the dead won’t stay down for long and we have to keep moving. I stare in disgust at Uzi, a painful reminder of my past… I would spit but drones physically cannot (unfortunately?). No matter, through the forest the three of us unturned go…
We make it through the forest, and into the dead zone. Thankfully I was not exiled, and rather went outside on a significant purpose (which I will not disclose as of current), and Kerr immediately runs off to go recruit the entirety of the refugees of the outside to Delta Company. She’s off and away, then me and Luther are left to our own devices… Luther goes and wanders off, possibly to get drunk on coolant though I wouldn’t judge him for doing so. [Morris hosting restored] I walk over to one of the Invisibilia hideouts in order to communicate all the shit that went down within the past week, and considering I think in English I’ll transcribe the conversation afterward in English; “Hey P4! Why the hell didn’t you kill the admin while you had the chance?” said a Russian colleague of mine, “I have a name you know… also that fucking bitch would probably have gotten the upper hand, that surprise you fleshbag?” did I just call him a slur for human? Yes, yes I did, but we’re actually on good terms so the insult is very lighthearted, “Yeah Morris I know, you also brought a fascist clanker over here… hope to god they aren’t in a ‘Kill all humans and native drones’ phase”, so yeah we basically shit talked each other. Pretty good considering Copper-9’s only safe space is a dead zone which was more devastating than Chernobyl, but hey that’s better than turning into a zombie right?

His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

Why do customers have to be complete assholes to everyone around them? You don't know these people and what is going on in their lives.
For me as an example, I am on the road to recovery after having surgery and constant physical therapy. I am going through a lot of pain and I hardly get time to spend with my family due to working. I have no choice, but to work. I would rather be at home, but I have family to support. I have a baby at home with a life threatening disability and a child that is struggling in school. You have no idea how stressful that is!
Here is the thing, I literally just clocked off and removed my uniform to immediately start heading out the exit. I called my wife to ask her what she needed, get updates on our children and let them know I am going to my 2nd job. I don't need some asshole of a customer telling me, "Get off your damn phone." It isn't funny. You're rude and inconsiderate of people. I am so tired of asshole customers. I am not loud on the phone, I am very timid and soft spoken. Sometimes my voice carries, but that is when I have my customer service voice. I infact as an introvert hate talking. I rather write things out then speak.
Other cases some asshole customer is bullying another customer about appearance or whatever rocks their ego. I just don't get it. Why be like this?!?
Hell I can be on break or off the clock to be only treated like crap because they are not getting helped. This happens often. There are other associates on the floor that can help you. Go to them. Don't bitch at me Karen.
Anyone else can relate?

I was 12 years old in 2002 when my father was killed in a car accident. It was his fault, he was out playing around on his go-cart. Doing more than 100 mph on an alcohol fuel go-cart late at night on a highway with his buddy. I’ll spare you the rest of the details of that night though. I’m 34 years old now, and when I was 17 I had a visit from him in my sleep one night that changed me and changed my life. This visit was a gift that I still think about it all the time. That’s why I’m writing it today, to get it off my chest and tell someone. This was not a dream, my body was in bed and asleep but that is the only thing this event has in common with a dream. It was as if I woke up in another place. There I am standing in complete whiteness. There is nothing but white all around me. No shadows, no lines or angles to anything, just white space. I can’t see a floor beneath my feet but I understand that there’s something solid beneath my feet, I am not falling. I can’t see a wall In front of me but somehow I’m aware that I’m standing next to a giant wall with a door. I do not know who I am waiting for but I do know that I’m waiting for someone to open the door. I am not at all concerned with the things that I don’t know, I am completely and utterly content. Vividly remember how I felt as though I was lacking nothing, I didn’t need anything. I wasn’t without. As I stood there waiting, the door that I cannot see but know is there opens and my father is on the other side and I can see him. I run as fast as I could to him and I crash into him embracing him. The very instant that I came into contact with him I was filled with the most love that I’ve ever felt in my entire life even to this day. The most profound and powerful feeling of being completely loved beyond anything I could imagine just poured into me. And simultaneously the was an instant exchange of information. Everything that was inside of me that I wanted to tell him was given to him and everything that he wanted me to know he told me without words. I instantly knew from him. Like telepathically and without any delay. He told me how sorry he was for dying and I felt how guilty he felt for that. He let me know that he is watching over me always and he wants me to know that he knows about how alone I’ve felt without him and he wishes that he could comfort me and let me know that he is there. I felt his love, completely and his sorrow for being gone and he said he would have never left the house that night if he had any idea or thought that he would have gotten killed or taken from us. I squeezed him so tightly. And then I released my grip on him without letting him go and I looked up at him and he looked over to the left. I followed his gaze and seen a big white crest shaped couch there in the middle of the whiteness that surrounded us. We held hands and walked over to sit on the couch. I thought to myself “but what will we talk about? He knows everything inside of me” we sat down and I looked at his face. He looked so healthy, he smiled at me so lovingly and so proudly. Then as if he was saying “look what I can do” his eyes turned into two birds flying and his face and head turned into an ocean above his shoulders. But what amazed me was that I could still recognize him. I held his hand still. And then I woke up in my bed. And it was at that moment realized what I didn’t even know, that I needed to forgive my father for dying. I wasn’t even aware that I was holding onto that hurt and anger towards him before that. And it changed my life forever. I love you Dad, we will be together again. I know you are there and are watching over me and my babies now. I know that you love us and love my kids so much. Till we meet again I love you

For reference :)
I want to say thank you for all of you who helped me, you all gave me excellent perspectives and I really love you all for it. Happy to report that I did not go to his graduation. I felt guilty for a bit because you only graduate a few times, but why support someone who doesn’t respect you lol. I did politely let him know he was out of line and that our friendship can’t go forward. Ultimately, you all were right, no REAL friend would sexualize me like this.
Some of you asked how I hide my chest so well, so I’m here to share my big boobie gal secrets for ya :) ❤️ My biggest tip is to avoid bras with those huge moulded, padded cups. All they do for me is add volume to my chest.
My holy grail bra is the Celestine bra from Adore M in a 32H for $24!!! I had the luxury of going into one of their stores to try on a couple styles. This bra fits like a SOCK. The cups are stretchy so even when I get period boobs, they still fit. Downside, they’re never in stock and I bully their instagram daily because of it.
Significantly more expensive but so worth it to me is the Chantelle Norah Chic underwire bra in a 32H for $84 :(. BUT girlies I’m telling you, go to Nordstrom, try this one on and your back pain will be GONEEEE. Slight padding for the nips, straps are also padded, and you can hardly feel the elastic on the band.
My go to everyday lounging bra is this $10 Hanes wireless bra in a Medium. Definitely not for long term wear as there’s hardly support but nice when you’re home and don’t wanna wear a wire. Super stretchy, I was shocked when it fit me, I have 4 lol.
Bikinis are my enemy but I found one this year I was really surprised by. TRUST ME HERE!!! This Victoria Secret bikini&cmmmc=PLA--GOOGLE--VSD_VS_Swim_PMAX--&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhOyK_5z8hQMVBZpaBR2MSgZGEAQYASABEgLiNvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) in a 34DDD fits me like a dream!!!! Straps are adjustable and the band is adjustable through some strings. Their bands are quite small, a 34 gave me better side boob coverage. I got it for $30 on sale and the bottoms are cheap too!
For sports bras, this popflex one is incredible! I tried a small and a medium, the fabric is so stretchy- I fit well in both but I like the tighter feel of the small when I’m exercising.
HONORABLE MENTION: since I wear bras with no padding most of the time, nips show through often. These nipple covers are the only ones worth their money. They don’t leave that dumb ring around your nipple under your clothes LMFAO
BONUS TIP: idk about you guys but I get tons of acne on my back and shoulders where my bra sits all day. The Everyday Brightening Body Wash has been the only thing that’s tamed my acne.
PSSSSSSS - the green dress is from H&M for 12.99!!! I’m wearing a small :)
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what works for me and this list is all I’ve got LOL. I’m happy you all find me stylish and have been so sweet to me. I hope this helps some of you out the way you guys help me!!! ❤️

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

Quick recap- For 3 years if I’d smoke or drink I’d be short of breath the next day for about 3 hours. In December my stomach started throbbing and twisting (would last about 1 minute) and I just kept ignoring it. In January, I went for a walk and got really short of breath and disoriented and went home to go to bed, had fever and chills, woke up fine. Went for another walk and worse symptoms arose, tingling in hands, heart racing, felt like I was going to pass out. Since that I’ve been short of breath so bad to the point I can’t walk very far or work, heart/stomach/groin palpitations, twitching all over, chest pain, feels like stomach is stretched, I burp a lot. Some acid reflux but not much and is worse after I eat. I have constant pressure in sternum and SOB. Sometimes I get a weird feeling in throat, which leads to my head instantly and makes me dizzy for a second. Switching positions in bed, bending over causes sternum pressure. I cannot lift anything heavy, it’ll take my breath away. The first couple months was really bad. I’d start falling asleep and my body wouldn’t inhale again, I’d wake up gasping for air
Went to ER a bunch and every specialist and they all say I’m fine. NO DAMAGE TO LUNGS, HEART IS FINE
I’ve done an endoscopy and today just got back barium swallow, all negative. Still convinced I have a HH. I have every symptom. Or I have some weird vaping disease but doubt it because of no opacities in lungs and even a beer or cigarette would make me SOB

hey, so i made a post earlier similar to this.
escitalpram/lexapro 2.5mg
but hours on i started feeling off after feeling faint, which has since stopped but now i have a twitch thing going on in my left foot, it isnt severe or strong but its enough for me to notice it. so because ive had that on my mind for over an hour ive none stop researched nhs website for details on side affects etc, and it gave me trashing results, and so now i dont know what to do.
ever since i checked the symptoms online, ive started getting chest pain and its like i forgot? to breathe (sounds odd ik) but thats how it feels, and some sharp pains and im burping like crazy (i think im full of gas because my stomach feels a bit tender also.) i had a headache, took painkillers (paracetamol) and it took the edge off, but now i cant help but worry about these symptoms??? it all began because ive had dry eye lately and it flared back up (common side effect apparently) and then it lead me to more worrying which has led to this? however i will admit my mood has been a lot more positive tonight than usual.
so i now have this really annoying foot twitch that is just constantly doing my head in and the chest pain which i think is from anxiety..but my mind cant process it which is stressing me out and making me feel like crap. it took a lot for me to take these tablets and the last thing i need is to overworry about it. google is not a good answer to these situations, but as u expect the anxiety tells you different.....
advice please!!!!!!!!

I really thought she was the one and then she goes and gives up. I thought we would grow old together and then one day to another she just bails. I can’t stop wanting her back. I can’t stop thinking about her and I can’t imagine every finding someone who gets me like she did. I miss my best friend. How is she not dying right now? I know she mourned during the relationship but this is hell. I know she still loves me, she said so herself. Why not fight for something you love? Because shes moving on to the next step in her life and she feels like I’m holding her back? She felt the relationship was too codependent and sure I agree but why not bring it up at some point? Why not tell me? I always pushed her to be better, I always made a clear effort to communicate and hash things out properly and she never communicated back. I think she started to think that she could do better, she saw me just as her first guy and its crushing my soul.
Why couldn’t she just communicate better? I get that we are young but being scared of a great relationship is ridiculous. We had some issues but nothing that couldn’t be solved. And the worst part is that shes not here for me to vent about this. I know I should’ve had more self respect and I know she shouldn’t have been everything in my life but thats what it felt like. Every day is dull and painful.
My brain wants to move on, I know its better if I just let her go but I can’t help plan to get her back. Ive lost 20 pounds in 20 days I’m addressing my issues all to get another shot at someone who left me behind without any regard. I have this plan in my head on how to get her back and I feel helpless to not do it. I keep looking up how to get her back. I keep looking at that stupid 30% of couples get back together number and justifying to my brain why we will fall in that 30%. I hate it. I’d rather move on but my heart wont let it happen. I keep trying to get information to her through the grapevine and anything I learn about her feels like a stab to the gut.
Granted its only been three weeks, but man I felt like I was making so much more progress at first, now I’m stuck and still in love with her like when I had a crush on her.
It feels like she made a mistake and I want her to realize it. I feel like she has to first realize how much single life sucks, I want her to regret it all and come back. But I don’t want to spend so much time feeling like this. I’d rather move on than suffer for someone who won’t put in the effort.
Please give me any wisdom you have, I can’t stand being like this. Its so hard not to call her. I want to call her so bad.

My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had for breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.

"...umm "

Part two of the noodle demon.
Now that this creature knelt before me I realized that the room I was in was so terrible quietly you could hear everyone's ass get tight in anticipation of what would happen next.
" ...what...are you. "
I spoke carefully to the being that had taken the shape of myself. It still took my breath away and my throat was dry.
The beast was a deep green. The color mixed with shades of grey streaming from it. The longer I looked at it I could see it getting closer to what I looked like shaping itself.
From small flowing green tendrils to an arm they grew as they twisted and made bone then muscle and finally skin.
It locked eyes with me and it smiled deeply at me. As it formed the face finally.
" Your vassle. "
My eyes had not moved to the crowd at all but even though the lights hit the stage so hard it was enveloped in smoke.
The creature's eyes glowed as it answered brightly, not figuratively. This thing's eyes were glowing.
"To serve you, We are bound by blood magic. I am a reflection of your desires, Master, " it said, its voice now a whisper in my mind.
It began to stand up as my grey suit began to form on it and by the time it stood fully up it had copied what I looked like.
" let me explain everything. "
My body frozen in fear woke up with adrenaline as I blinked and a flash of green smoke covered my vision as he teleported right to me face to face.
Its body turned to smoke and went into the slits of my eyes. I felt visions follow me in my peripheral vision but surprisingly no pain followed power filled me and it felt like one hell of a drug.
My body and mind altered.
I was now in a very dark place with no walls or light except my reflection on the floor which waved like water.
I took a step back looking around and back to the reflection of me on the ground.
Soon the water rippled and my reflection fell through the floor like gravity was inverted. he flew upright and water fell off of him as he looked at me as he now stood straight ahead of me. He was just reflecting in the water but now eyed me down.
Collecting my nerves.
I begin to speak.
" what do you want..."
He was still in my form and stood perfectly straight. Now with water dripping from his...my hair.
Slight stubble with hair that hung down and my hazel eyes were not present within him but I was greeted with a swelling acidic green that doubled the size of my pupil.
" to serve you. "
He made no other movement than putting his hands behind his back like a soldier at ease.
I could not tell if it was lying or not.
" ...is that it? "
" I am the embodiment of your fear desires and brilliance. You have shaped me. Your desire for solitude birthed me. I will aid you in shaping the world how you see fit. Your reality becomes mine. "
There was a slight echo in the room as he spoke.
" wait...where are we "
I questioned haphazardly
" your mind. "
An awkward silence was in the air until I spoke
" so...am I just standing on the stage not making a sound? "
He gave me a concerned look.
" no...time has frozen outside for you. You may sleep here without having to in the real world so to others you look as if you never rest and you may think and plan what to do in battle here. For them, it will be about two seconds...Do...do you not have any knowledge of what I am? "
Suddenly I felt bad like I had encountered someone famous and I had no idea who they were. A slap in the face like a popular kid meeting someone who had never heard of them. Ego shattered.
" ok sorry no. I...don't go around reading about...monsters?"
I felt like was I saying the n-word of the demon realm not knowing if that word was offensive.
He folded his arms a little upset.
"Are you not a warrior? "
" well...no I...just watch TV and cook here and there- "
The demon cut me off
" weak. "
" excuse me? "
" look. I am an immortal being and after a while you get bored. So I'm sorry if I may be a little upset after being bonded with some nobody. "
I got quiet and I was a little annoyed that I was being roasted by some demon that I just met.
Its form wavers and eyes begin to open on its skin. Cheeks forhead etc.
"After being a god for so long it's fun to play with limitations. Makes things extremely exciting. "
" what do you mean by that? "
" look. You can only be so entertained by the same things. Life gets boring and now...you are going to help me with this. I get to have pure entertainment while you get every wish you could ever want. A mutual bond no? "
He then closed his eyes annoyed and the other eyes meshed back to his skin.
" though... the TV is not that interesting...life is what gets the blood pumping"
I felt the need to quickly change the topic
"Are there others like you? "
The room began to take shape very slowly as the water floor turned to wood and walls went around us.
" of course. You may meet them one day "
Confused and curious I pressed.
"Meet them? "
" yes. Summoning one of us is considered a threat to them. "
He spoke while opening and closing his newly found hand except backward.
" hm...no that don't look right "
I quickly responded
" Wait! How is doing that a threat! "
"Well, one doesn't just accidentally Summon one of us to suddenly get powers beyond human control. "
I thought back to how I summoned him by accident with some food I made.
" well...funny story but I summoned you using my breakfast..."
I had never regretted speaking so much as in that moment.
" What... "
Acid dripped from his words. Literally. His pupils split in half and his bottom jaw ripped open like an ant and curved giving sharpness to the bone.
"Please don't kill me. "
The room began to look like a cozy cabin with a fireplace and he slowly went back to normal.
" I would if I could. I've never felt so disrespected. We are bonded by your blood. If you die...I die. "
Suddenly I felt at ease by this new information.
Then a thought came to my mind
" ...God's can die? "
" you did hear me, right? "
The SAS from this guy was unneeded and I was starting to miss him being on his knees as weird as that sounds.
" so...all that power gone.... in an instant... "
" well...no actually God's powers don't just disappear they transfer to whoever killed them...wait...hold up."
He suddenly had an epiphany.
A smile grew on his face and he grabbed my shoulders
" you! You are going to help me kill the other gods! "
He sounded proud but I let him down.
" ha! No. "
" oh come on! Don't be like that. "
He did a pout.
"Look, man. I'm not killing gods for you. Just because you are bored. "
" hey...they might send people to kill you because you bonded with me. "
"What did I ever do to them? "
"They have a system to this stuff. They like to build and watch things play out. You're a problem. That can mess it up. So...they kill ya...to be honest, I don't know any other way to explain it, man. You know people normally just use my power to kill people and become a king and know this already. "
"This is outrageous. "
" bro. Look if you do this I will be able to get their powers and you will be able to do so much more than what I offer "
I tilted my head
" what can you do? Know what never mind. I will just talk to them and figure things out. "
He groaned and his form melted down sagging and it shot back up reforming
"Is there not anything that you want? Anything in the world? Gods don't put themselves in physical forms. They give people power and can make beings to hunt you. And if they care enough to come down themself. Ha, good luck."
I stopped and thought about it trying to weigh the options of pissing off higher beings.
Suddenly. I found something.
"Can you bring back the dead..."
He stopped confused.
" well...no "
" then I don't want anything "
" wait! "
He threw his arms out pleading
"I don't...but another God does..."
He crosses his arms smiling. He had left the question hanging letting me reconsider his offer.
I stopped and thought for a while before looking back up to him.
I let out a sigh and looked him in the eyes
" ok...you are going to help me get my father back. "
The demon smirked.

1. Fuck the “crush it” for $2500!!! It crashed!
   
2. Subscribers.. “this is where I tell it ALL” “all the juicy stuff” SUB LIVES ARE A DRUNKEN MESS!! and you can watch it free with itchy!!
   
3. Discord… this is where I communicate the most. BUT only in the $20 room!! Her post on discord: 4/29/24 “ Just grabbing my coffee! Be on live shortly”..“Everyone please go report the @itchycookie accoun”.. and “Who thinks this is crystal” 4/22/24 (her response to several people asking about the sub only she promised) “I’m about to get on and talk to everyone” 🤣 on 4/12-13 she shared a link to a necklace she was selling. 4/2/24 was the last time she posted before this and it was “Can you all do me a favor and please follow @missypeterson7official”
   

There is absolutely NOTHING worth the money!!!
Now the new money grab is podcast community on Patreon!!! She is pushing the “Crashed it” and her and ole RSO had a podcast that was worst then the TT lives they do!!!!
Stop wasting your money on these two idiots!!!
They have been laid up in bed together all day sleeping and “making up”
“Hi Loves! I hope you all had an amazing Mother's Day weekend. As most of you know, I have had a rough couple of days. I needed to take a mental break today for my health. I have horrific anxiety and chest pains. I will be back tomorrow and I love you all so much! This has been very hard on me and I just need to process things. I hope you all understand and can respect that. I hope you have a great day. I'm going to try and have some peace today.”

This is a vent right now just cause I feel so alone. I'm just so tired anymore and it seems like the stars have aligned for me to end my life. I'm tired of the pain, the lack of energy, that I can't even get out of bed to do the things I used to love. Nothing has been important in so long. My dishes haven't been washed since December, I can't wash my clothes due to having to leave my apartment, the trash is too heavy. So I think I can manage one big burst of energy to clean my apartment and make it perfect before I end my life. My dad is in my state from out of town, so my cats will have someone to take care of them. And he can then take whatever I own to his place. It won't be easy for him since my mom died in December, but I don't really care right now. I'm just hurting all over. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, it hurts to lay in bed and try and sleep. And the infinite possibilities of of my country putting a ban on my head for the way I live is closing in everyday. I feel like I am dying, even though every doctor who has seen me says that I'm physically fine. Food tastes awful, showers make me dizzy, standing/walking is too much. I know there is something wrong with me, but I don't know what it is. And the fact that I've had to fake being ok or happy and successful is bearing down on me everyday. I'm just so tired of this life. My therapist isn't listening to me and I feel like I can't talk to her about things anymore. Everyone expects me to be perfectly successful and live up to their expectations.
I just want it to be quiet. I don't want to think anymore. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. There's no point to wake up again. Nothing is exciting, and nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm done and I'm ready to let this life go.

I have been on Phentermine and Topiramate for 4 weeks and really liking the results so far!
But I have noticed that the last few weeks I have been breaking out around my chin area. This is very unusual and they are kinda deep pink acne that lasts a while rather than white heads which tend to be a little more painful.
I’m wondering if this is normal? or maybe this is something else i should be looking in to?
It’s giving me “hormonal changes” which could be due to the weight loss i’m going through but i’m uncertain and a little frustrated.
Thoughts?