For starters, we aren't "dating" dating. We're in a queerplatonic arrangement which for us just means kissing is a hit or miss, and we cuddle a lot and show unconditional love. This has been our situation for the last 1.5 years.
I've had a pretty sheltered life and I live far away from the city center (with inconveniently timed buses), so we've settled for me staying over her place from Friday right after school to Sunday. Also keep in mind that my girlfriend (let's call her Abby here for anonymity's sake) is disabled and so we can't go out unless her guardian can drive us there (which she usually can't because she's at work) +there aren't a lot of places that are completely accessible, so we stick to just staying inside.
I'm kind of stuck in a routine. Every week we suffer through school, and then on the weekends we end up too tired to do anything. I desperately want to start going out more but my mother won't let me go out on my own, and going with one of my friends other than "Abby" feels weird, because we're always in a group together. Even though she has no problem and actually encourages me to go hang out with more people, it still feels like a weird betrayal of trust I don't like to partake in.
So, I want to go out, but I want to go with her. If she isn't there it feels off. Now keep in mind she has never made any advances to control me and my social life, and I am well aware this is all an issue on my part. I think as a result of this mindset, I've started getting jealous of her and her friendships outside of our own. I hate feeling this way because it's completely uncalled for and it's clearly a reflection of my own insecurity.
I've made this weird mental barrier for myself where I'm not allowing myself other friendships without her. It's immature, and hurting me a lot. If she goes out without me I get really butthurt about it.
I haven't told Abby this and I haven't let this mindset have any effect on my behavior towards her, because that'd be unfair to her. This summer I want to make more of an effort for us to go outside, but I lack the money and putting the responsibility on Abby's mom to drive us around feels awful.
In a few days we've set up an outing to a boba shop to talk through stuff. I will bring this up to her, because she deserves to know, but this is still an issue I've got to solve on my own.
TL;DR: I've made a weird non-problem about me hanging out with other people and it reflects on how i see my partner hanging out with other people.
I am well aware I am in the wrong, I'm looking for advice on how to stop limiting my own social life, so I won't be setting stupidly unreasonable expectations. All I'm looking for is for advice on how to open up my social circle without feeling guilty about it.
Any ideas on how I can get over this barrier I've set for myself so I can limit/stop these thoughts?

Noah The Pilgrim
First Next
There is one last thing to do before leaving. If you don't recall ever being on this ship, then surely, you could have had your appearance change too.
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be at least three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.

I’ve been doing a lot of research about the effects media has on people for University stuff, and I’ve always been curious as to why people insist video games don’t cause violence.
I’d like to clarify that I’ve played video games since I was, like, 5, and I am verge much not a violent person in the slightest. However, we’d have to define “cause” and “violence” in certain ways in order to say video games don’t cause violence. If video games make me more desensitized to violence through exposure, then, at least from personal experience, I become slightly more desensitized to actual violence. I remember one time when I was very young I stole someone’s pen because I saw people doing it all the time in Skyrim. That’s all anecdotal, but it makes me wonder how much games desensitize us to immorality. If I am so desensitized to conflict I do not protest to stop the death penalty or violent crime or war, am I in some way causing violence?
If we can be so affected by the media we consume- propaganda for an extreme example- why can’t we be immorally influenced by games? I know at least I have been incredibly influenced in great ways by games (shoutout SMT and Persona), but I wonder if consuming games desensitizes all of us to the horrors of our world.
I very much don’t think this is exclusive to video games- my main point is that media caused violence through desensitization. Some people think video games do it more than other forms of media, and really I’m not super educated on that but I’m inclined to believe it’s not true.

Its been about 130+ days since ive had bells palsy and in this time ive noticed my eyesight has been effected I wouldn’t go as far to say as “severely” but definitely effected my eye sight was always 20/20 from a young age so its definitely after bells , right now I constantly have to like wipe my eye because it gets really dry and wet , i have little eye buggers i have to pick out of my eye and eyelash every morning and through out the day , at the start of bells i used a gel at night i have drops but i could never got comfortable putting them in (ik 😂😭) , but i stopped when i started feeling better but i feel like now i need take some precautions anyone have some knowledge they would like to share id appreciate it

I have been on Vyvanse for quite a few years now, and have slowly upped the dose from I think 20mg to 40mg. I also take Bupropion.
The problem is that I haven’t really noticed any impact on my executive function skills. Other than schoolwork for my degree, I get nothing done. My room is an unholy mess, and so is my fish tank. I needed to call someone about something three weeks ago, and I still haven’t done it etc. It’s like the med isn’t working at all, and honesty I don’t have the sensation of it “kicking in” like most people. There’s not a noticeable effect other than some heart palpitations and irritability. I know it’s doing something, because my grades have improved, but otherwise I don’t think it is working at all. Is this normal and am I just lazy, or is something wrong?

• My NP is of no help as he doesn’t understand ADHD. He wants to give me a medical marijuana card to help with my focus, and he said that vyvanse is the generic for adderall, which is so blatantly incorrect it isn’t even funny.

TL;DR: Has stopping birth control affected anyone else’s Wellbutrin tolerance? My doctor insists that my heightened anxiety can’t be a Wellbutrin side effect since I tolerated it well for so long, but I can’t help but wonder if stopping BC has changed my body chemistry.
Longer version:
I was on birth control pills for 10 years. In that time, I experienced depression and was prescribed Wellbutrin XL 150mg. After a year or two, my doctor bumped it to 300mg, and I took that dose for years.
In January 2023, I decided to stop taking birth control. Months later, my anxiety skyrocketed. It stemmed from physical sensations and not actual fears/events, like rapid heartbeat, muscle tension/jaw clenching, etc. and my mind was racing. My doctor lowered my Wellbutrin XL to 150mg, and these symptoms improved some.
I’m now months out from lowering to 150mg, and once again, my mind is racing and I can’t seem to calm down. However, my doctor believes it’s not the Wellbutrin and wants me to be tested for ovarian cysts and other hormonal issues before changing my medication further.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? My theory is that the birth control had me depressed, and now that I’m off of it, the Wellbutrin is too much for me.
Regardless of all of this, I will be visiting my gynecologist as my doctor recommended. I just feel like I’m losing my mind and have no one to turn to who knows what I’m talking about.
Thanks for reading!

For Context: I have been on SSRI’s for over 10 years now. Lexapro being my good ole go-to. I have tried over 8-10 different anti-anxiety’s and always go back to Lexapro because the withdrawals & side effects. Even tho it doesn’t work. I recently within the last 2 months tapered off and started sertraline. I upped my dose to 75mg on the 29th of April, and for the past 1-2 months I have been STRUGGLING. like horribly. I’ve admitted myself into the er for palpitations, my heart rate is through the roof 24/7, and I cannot do anything. I have completely isolated myself. My as needed (klonopin) 0.5mg daily as needed doesn’t help whatsoever. And Ativan 1mg twice daily as needed recently stopped helping me. My psychiatrist prescribed 10mg of propranolol twice daily because of my physical symptoms. I got the okay from my cardiologist (that refuses to order any tests because “ur anxiety is the issue”) I’m worried about the side effects. Especially taking it with the sertraline as it can increase the amount of propranolol in your body. Has anyone tried it? Any side effects? Pros and Cons? Dosage? I need help.

Let us pretend that this is a real update, any of this can of course be changed to properly suite the balancing of the game:
‎

Lively Wastes

Well we all have issues with the wasteland, ghouls breaking in and eating your food, gangs of raiders chasing you with spears, or random scavengers boarding up your door in an instant. Today I bring some new content and some solutions for a few of these issues.
‎

Enclosed:

This is a new gimmick for base building, when surrounding your entire base, creatues and players may not spawn in it or 2 spaces around it, same rule applies to anyone else trying to build around your base that isn't you or your team mates, this only works if you completely surround your base, corners must be secured as well. Plants and rocks can still spawn in it so floors are advised if you don't want it to be cluttered up or if one of your walls break, ruining the anti spawn/anti place effect. Special ruling applies when players from different teams build, if a player helps you close in your 'house', you both can build without restriction, this can be good for team mates when their team leader dies to not cause issues, down fall is that raiders can cause more issues.
‎
‎

Item(s)

‎

CaSmall Trucks

Use:

Harvest.

Cost:

3 alloys, 30 metal, 10 junk.

Requires:

Research Bench or Builder Station(check (https://www.reddit.com/devastio/comments/1comkq5/wasteland\_wishesupdate\_suggestion2/), unlock at level 14.

Area:

2x6.

Obtainability:

Craft, can be found around the city to break.

Special:

Stacks of 2 gas per slot can be looted from this.
‎

Fire Arrows

Use:

Ammunition.

Cost:

10 arrows, 1 gas.

Requires:

Work Bench, unlock at level 3.

Obtainability:

Craft Only.

Special:

By using the 'R' button you can swap between normal arrows and fire arrows, if you have them. When it hits something, it is afflicted with the 'Burning' effect(check https://www.reddit.com/devastio/comments/1cm4irl/phoenix_risingupdate_suggestion_1/ for info on it).

Flavor Text:

"We didn't start the fire, it was always burning..."
‎

Heater

Use:

Crafting Bench and camp.

Cost:

5 alloys, 15 metal, and 20 energy-cells.

Requires:

Research Bench, unlock at level 16.
Area:
1x1.

Obtainability:

Craft, High level respawn kit.

Special:

Acts like a camp fire, requires energy cells to function and warms up nearby people, if the 'house' is Enclosed, it affects the entire base, having less effect the farther away from it you are(minimum effect stops your cold gauge from decreasing).

Flavor Text:

"Ahhhhh no more cold nights!"
‎

Enemies

‎

Deer

Health:

225.

Damage:

50.

Attack Speed:

Slow(as hammer).

Movement Speed:

Fast.

Appearance:

Looks like a living deer.

Spawn:

Spawns randomly, as ghouls do, during day and night.

Activity:

Runs when you get close, if cornered, it will chase you down and attack you, only running when low on hp.

Loot:

Drops a dead deer you can harvest.
‎

Boar

Health:

275.

Damage:

50.

Attack Speed:

Slow(as hammer).

Movement Speed:

Normal.

Appearance:

Looks like a living boar.

Spawn:

Spawns randomly, as ghouls do, during day and night.

Activity:

If you get too close or hurt it, it will chase you down and attack you. Its attacks involve charging, which means it has a hard time with players who are able to side step.

Loot:

Drops a dead boar you can harvest.
‎

Perks

‎

Master Survivalist

Cost:

3 Points

Requires:

16.

Effect:

While not in a team, your food gauge, cold gauge reduce 50% slower, your radiation meter increases 50% slower and you gather 2x the materials.
‎
I hope you like these ideas and lets hope some of them get added.
If you like this update suggestion, check out the previous one: https://www.reddit.com/devastio/comments/1comkq5/wasteland_wishesupdate_suggestion2/

I’ve been clean from watching porn and masturbating for over a week. I do get morning wood still.
I have been seeing girls and hooking up with them but not having sex because of PIED. Is it bad for curing PIED when i still hook up multiple times per week with girls?
When i hook up with the girls we make out and i eat them out or finger them and they grind on me a lot but im afraid if this effects curing my PIED. The reason im questioning this is because i do get horny and sperm starts leaking and its sometimes quite embarrassing when my underwear is full of sperm because of that. And i have major blue balls after hooking up.
Is it smart to stop hooking up for a while or does it not effect the curing? I am enjoying pleasuring the girls so i am afraid of losing them if i tell them i cant hook up anymore.

I wish I could say this in a celebratory way. I rarely use reddit but recently the doctors have told me if i were to take any more chemo, it would kill me. My name is Sarah and I'm 17. I first got diagnosed with Ewing sarcoma when I was 15, as a tumour in my chest and on my right lung back in June 2022 and had to take 14 torturous cycles of a mix of 5 different chemos followed by radiotherapy for 6 weeks to my chest. Radiotherapy's side effects unfortunately hit me really tough as I had bad radiation pneumonitis to my right lung and it only kept getting worse and worse. My breathing was horrendous and I was coughing all the time, barely able to fit in a sentence without having to take a moment to rest. Though, all my doctors were telling me it was just radiotherapy's side effects and that it would get better gradually. Not in my case. January 2024, I was admitted to the hospital because of what I thought was an infection, but turned out to be much worse. The devastating news that the cancer had come back and the chest tumour had grown back but in a slightly different place with new tumours beginning to grow on my pelvis and spine. There was fluid surrounding my heart and left lung which was what was also making me so gradually breathless ontop of my radiation-damaged right lung. My blood oxygen dipped to as low as 75 on movement so I was very promptly put on oxygen therapy along with a chest drain to clear the fluid. After what felt like an eternity of waiting for biopsies and scan results, I eventually had to start chemo again but this time it was only supposed to be 6 cycles with a mix of 2 chemos. The chemo really was starting to damage me as I gained an infection with each cycle I took. It got really bad to the point where after cycle 3's infection, I was admitted to intensive care for the high-flow oxygen after not being able to breath at all because of a coughing fit. After doing a CT scan to figure out what's going on, my doctor had a conversation with me in which I will never forget. My right lung is completely stiff and can't expand due to the irreparable damage of radiotherapy, and only a small bit of my left lung was working at the time due to the infection being conveniently on my left lung. They had then dropped the bomb on me, decided it was best for me to stop my treatment because it would only kill me faster. Without treatment, I am expected to only live a few more months. It's been a week since receiving this news and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I still haven't told any of my friends because I just don't have the guts. My family's reaction is the most shattering bit. There's so many questions and so little answers. I want to try make the most of these last months but everyday, I feel an ache in my heart, not even knowing if I'll make it to my 18th birthday in October. I'm so sorry this turned out so long and thank you so much to whoever is spending the time to read my story, it means the world to me. :)

hello friends! i started taking pristiq mid march and after 2 weeks it seemed to really help and i had motivation to do things (such as cleaning that id been putting off for weeks/months) but then i suddenly lost the bottle and was off of it for about 3 days before i was able to get more. when i started it again, i didn’t have the same side effects as i originally did but they were more mild so i didnt mind. i noticed after a couple weeks i didnt get the motivation back but i was doing pretty okay and going out with friends more. flash forward to this past weekend- i went out for drinks with friends friday night and was so excited to see everyone and get a fancy cocktail but things went downhill very quick. my partner had messaged me something that was upsetting but by no means earth shattering, and my mood completely dropped. i could tell i was completely masking how terrible i felt and i just wanted to go home, but i stuck it out to not ruin the fun night. we ended up going back to a friends house to play games and drink and i immediately had to lay down once we were there and was having to fight off a panic attack or violently sobbing. i got home and immediately went to bed thinking maybe it was just drinking anxiety but i had not drank much at all. i woke up the next day so violently depressed i cried just getting out of bed to take my dog out, and became incredibly overstimulated by him trying to play and scratching at me. i rarely got that level of anxious/depressed/overstimulated and i still havent fully snapped out of (even as im writing this at 6pm on monday). i was supposed to work on saturday and had to call out due to being unable to stop sobbing, but did work sunday and had to constantly step back or hand off difficult situations to my manager. i did an okay job at work today but if i didnt have something to do, my mind would wander to everything that ive been upset over lately and old memories too. it seemed to get mildly better when i took my pill at 1pm, but as soon as i got home from work i had to go straight to bed. im going to message my doctor also and see if they have any advice or recommendations but wanted to see if anyone else has had a similar experience, and if so, how they got through it. im usually a pretty tough cookie but this episode really threw a wrench in everything for me and i’m very anxious to continue the meds if i cannot get more normal again. (also should note when i get depressed like this i get VIOLENTLY fatigued, like almost falling asleep while sitting up at work fatigued. along with the fatigue, my depersonalization gets really bad which is not sustainable)

Male
17 years
Long hair tabby/main coon mix
Wisconsin
After effects from anesthesia not wearing off
It's been 60 hours
Stumbling, vision seems off, walking in circles one direction, left side weak
Last week I took out cat into vet because he was due for a vaccine, and mentioned that I noticed he felt thinner. We discovered that he lost 3lbs in the last year, which is alarming. He also slept alot more, but being an older cat, that's pretty normal. Otherwise he was still our same loving boy. Always coming to sit by us, give kisses, purr and even play a bit yet.
We did a blood sample and found out he had early stages of kidney failure, which isn't super surprising for his age. But also that vet didn't think that alone would have attributed to this much weight loss. It was suggested to go an ultrasound to see if he had any inflammation in his intestines that would cause him to not want to eat. In this case we could treat with steroids for a while. Also we were looking for any other concerns like a tumor. We strongly debated not bringing him in because it causes him so much stress to go to vet, and we considered just starting him on steroids to see if it would help. If indeed he had a mass or cancer we would not put him through any surgery or treatment at his age of 17 either way.
After that first visit to the vet, he almost stopped eating. Was it due to stress? We had had the ultrasound scheduled for the following week. We were not sure we could wait that long, , and we were worried so vet was able to get him in earlier. I was second guessing this decision because the stress it causes him, but we reluctantly decided to just bring him in for scans. At least then we would have answered and know what we can do for him.
We did discover that he has a liver mass and inflammation. So we're doing steroids for that, and otherwise the plan was to just monitor him close, knowing that we would appreciate the time we had.
The big problem now is, he must have had a bad reaction to being sedated. Upon brining him home he was unstable and falling down, boy i was not that concerned being that he still had anesthesia in his body. It was the second day it got much worse. He is weak on his left side, occasionally falls and bumps into things and only pretty much walks in clockwise circles. It seems like he can't see well and when he sleeps, he sleeps upright with his head turned to one side. Both his left legs are not working right. He's still eating and drinking ok and purrs occasionally, but we're going on over 60 hours from anesthesia and he's still not back to himself. We're unsure of how this will go. We're still hoping that he will improves from this. His other concerns were there, and we planned to manage them, but this new problem of being unstable is the hard part. We can't help but feel guilty that we put him through that.
Has anyone had this experience? I know my cat has alot working against him right now. But if he was still able to move around like me was just a few days ago, I know we would still have some time left with him. Will this wear off? We are so upset that this happened and strongly regret taking him in for his scan. Given his current state, I do not think we would stress him out and take him to the vet. I'm just looking to see if anyone has experienced this and if there is hope he will return to normal mobility.

Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.

Has anyone experienced any eye issues while taking? I have developed posterior uveitis and need to see a retina specialist but no one is really sure if it’s related to the medication. Supposedly glp1 help with inflammation and I have inflammation in my both eyes. I am honestly unsure if this started before or after starting the meds (been on since February). I went to the dr because I was having a lot of floaters (which I had always had just started getting more) and that’s when I was diagnosed. Anyway I’ve done so well on it and down 20lbs with very minimal side effects. I hate to just stop if it really has nothing to do with it

I am sending a letter to her tomorrow morning. I've run in by and warned everyone else in my family. My good sister, my mom, and my wife. I also asked a couple of friends for advice. You can read what started this in my last post. But I will include her last message here because I am mostly responding to that.
BPDsis message- "I’m sorry that you hate me, and I wish you were able to see the good things I try to do. I am a good person and I only want the best for everyone. I’m not attacking you for imperfections and I try my best to allow room for error in people and understand that everyone is just doing the best they can to survive in this world. I will continue to do the best I can to help or assist everyone to the best of my ability. If you suspect that I’m doing something out of spite or anger then I request you approach me about it and give me the opportunity to defend myself bc a lot of problems that go unaddressed lead to bigger problems that could have been resolved in the beginning."
Here is the letter I'm sending her. I've changed her name to BPDsis.
My response-
"You're only sorry I hate you because of how it's affecting you. Not because of the terrible things you've done. The "good things" are always thrown back in my face to be used for your gain. Like when you picked up the garbage downstairs. Then you bitched to mom that I didn't help you load it while I was sick. Even though I said I'd do it myself later I'm the week! You didn't give me much grace there and you sure attacked my imperfections. You're two faced BPDsis. It's always to further your own goals and to manipulate others to do your bidding. It's not genuine.
You are not a good person, not by any metric I'd use. Maybe in your head, where you're always the victim. But what's in your head isn't reality. You cause fights all the time and you say the worst things you can possibly think of and that's not just me saying that. You have destroyed every relationship in your life. You told uncle you hoped his wife would leave him and take everything he had. Is that helping the family? You bullied and traumatized goodsis to the point CPS was going to take her away and that bullying didn't stop once you were adults. Everyone is done with your shit. and you're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughters. The only ones who tolerate you are your Dad because he's hundreds of miles away from your bullshit and BPDsis' friends because they get you to do things for them. Everyone just keeps quiet to keep your cross hairs off them. Maybe you should examine yourself more, before everyone reaches the point where I am. Especially your children. That's my hope, that you'll read this and for once actually think about how your actions affect someone else. You'll see your toxicity spelled out in no uncertain terms and change for the better. So that you can have a healthy relationship in the short time we have on this planet. If not for your sake, for your girl's.
You're trying to be the victim. I'm not buying it. You aren't the victim BPDsis. you have done nothing but hurt this family and the things you've done to "help" whether with good intentions or not are marred by worries that you'll fuck us over or use it to manipulate us. Almost every giant fight can be traced back to you. We may have been dysfunctional without you. But you bring out the worst in everyone. You're sick and need help.
And why would I feel comfortable coming to "talk things out" with you. You're not my friend and as far as I'm concerned you're not my sister. The only effective strategy I've found to dealing with you is to avoid you. My whole life has been everyone tip-toeing around you so they don't get attacked. The problem isn't how I or anyone else interprets your actions. It's YOUR actions.
I've accepted that you'll never change. A lot of times I feel pity for you. Your BPD and alcoholism isn't your fault. But, you've never once tried to meaningfully overcome them. All I want now is to be away from you. I don't want you in my life at all and I don't want you in my child's life. I've tried so hard and for so long for BPDsis' girls alone. I love them with all my heart. But you've used them as leverage since I was 13. I didn't even do anything when you stopped letting me see them. It was a fight between you and mom. But I guess you knew it'd hurt mom more if I wasn't allowed to see them either. You tried to keep them away again the last few months too. Honestly, I was just glad you weren't around. It made me realize, I don't have to live with your craziness. I deserve better than that. And if it means I have to sacrifice a relationship with my nieces until they're 18. It'll be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But I'll do what I have to do for me, my wife, and my baby.
I hope this is a wake-up call to get help."
Let me know if you have any advice before I send it. I'll try and update tomorrow after I send it.

"Music explains itself. It is the road and the map that shows the road."
"Can you explain how music works without using music?"
That brought me up short.

BLUF: Kvothe knows the name of music.
When Elodin is teaching Kvothe about naming, we have this discussion about how there are some things that can't be explained and that naming helps us to understand them anyway.

"The majority of important things cannot be said outright," Elodin said. "They cannot be made explicit. They can only be implied." He looked... around the lecture hall. "Name something that cannot be explained."
...
"Naming?" Fenton asked.
"That is a cheap answer Re'lar," Elodin said with a hint of reproach. "But you correctly anticipate the theme of my lecture so we will let it slide." He pointed at me.
"There isn't anything that can't be explained," I said firmly. "If something can be understood, it can be explained. A person might not be able to do a good job of explaining it. But that just means it's hard, not that it's impossible."
Elodin held up a finger. "Not hard or impossible. Merely pointless. Some things can only be inferred." He gave me an infuriating smile. "By the way, your answer should have been music."
"Music explains itself," I said. "It is the road and it is the map that shows the road. It is both together."
"But can you explain how music works?" Elodin asked.
"Of course," I said. Though I wasn't sure of any such thing.
"Can you explain how music works without using music?"
That brought me up short.

To dig a bit deeper, let's go to the frame story.

...he added a small, frightened silence to the larger, hollow one. They made an alloy of sorts, a harmony.
"...and the final ring was without name."

So Kvothe knows the name of something that has no name. Speaking the name of a thing which has no name leaves only... silence. Which can apparently create harmonies. To be clear, I don't think actual silence is the name of music, because that doesn't make sense, it's not a name. I think that silence is needed to heaknow the name of music because music is its own name. Maybe not all of it, not every piece, but music's name can only be "spoken" through music.
Okay whatever, fairly flimsy, I know, but for the sake of argument assume I'm right. How does Kvothe know the name of music? Yes he's a very accomplished musician, but there are many more who are as or more accomplished even just in Imre. To know a name, you need to learn about a thing for days, weeks, sometimes years. Long enough that your sleeping mind awakens and absorbs all that there is to know about it. If only there was a period of Kvothe's life where his waking mind was asleep and he did nothing but play music for hours on end...

...my mind used the first door [the door of sleep] to numb the pain. The wound was covered until the proper time for healing could come. In self-defense, a good portion of my mind simply stopped working - went to sleep, if you will.
Of course I played. It was my only solace.
Eventually I could play from when I woke until the time I slept.
I began to play something other than songs... I would play until I got the feeling right.
I remember spending three whole days trying to capture Wind Turning a Leaf.
Somewhere in the third month, I stopped looking outside and started looking inside for things to play.

To me, this is similar to the way he describes watching the wind until he saw its patterns and thus learning its name.
But hang on, music can't be it's own name, then everyone would be hearing a name every time it's played. That would surely do something to them; names have an effect on people after all. They stir something in them, make them feel moved strangely (see: whenever Elodin speaks; when a name is spoken but the person hearing it doesn't know the name; etc). If only music did the same thing.
"Thin, Albannach, very thin," I hear you say. And I'm with you. Surely, if Kvothe knew the name of music it would have more of effect on him. Let us turn to when he calls the wind the first time:

He looked at me. His dark eyes steadied me somewhat. Slowed the storm inside me. "Aerlevsedi," he said. "Say it."
"What?" Simmon said somewhere in the distant background. "Wind?"
"Aerlevsedi" Elodin repeated patiently, his dark eyes intent upon my face.
"Aerlevsedi," I said numbly.
...
His eyes caught mine. The numbness faded, but the storm still turned inside my head. Then Elodin's eyes changed. He stopped looking toward me and looked into me. ... He leaned forward and his lips brushed my ear. I felt his breath. He spoke... and the storm stilled. I found a place to land."

Is there a parallel with music? When is there not in this story. Many times, Kvothe refers to his music keeping him grounded and sane. Besides the detail above about him playing during his time in the woods and it allowing his mind to heal, I'll pick out one or two. After he got his lute back when Denna took it:

"With my lute back in my hands, the rest of my life slid easily back into balance.

Or playing at the Eolian:

"Offstage I worry and sweat. Onstage I am calm as a windless winter night."

Going back to the initial evidence about the discussion with Elodin. That comment about the road and the map that shows it is interesting. Sounds a bit like his chat with Tempi about the Lethani.

"What is the purpose of the Lethani?" Tempi asked.
"To give us a path to follow?" I replied.
"No," Tempi said sternly. "The Lethani is not a path."
"What is the purpose of the Lethani, Tempi?"
"To guide us in our actions. By following the Lethani, you act rightly."
"Is this not a path?"
"No. The Lethani is what helps us choose a path."

A slight addendum theory that plays into the bigger picture here: the Lethani is a way to invoke the mental state Kvothe calls Spinning Leaf, which enables people to better know/learn names, as we see Kvothe do multiple times. This is not an accident. The Adem, like the Edema, are descended of the first namers, and the Lethani comes from that heritage... just as music comes from the Edema heritage. The Edema music comes from Illien (who could be any number of namers/shapers who pop up in the stories: Lanre, Tarborlin, Iax, etc). What better evidence that music is its own name than the greatest Ruh (equivalently, the greatest of what became of the original namers) being the greatest musician travelling the world to show people the way.
In summary: music is its own name and to hear it and know it you need silence. Why else would Kvothe keep silence so heavy around himself at the Inn? (yes okay I know there's lots of other reasons he might but that's not the point of this theory)

39 Female, 112 lbs, 5’ 2” Today I went into elective surgery for the second time. Both times we had to stop and cancel. In preop, my heart rate is 64 and blood pressure 104/64 which is very normal for me. As soon as I get into the operating room and injected with lidocaine and epinephrine, my heart rate goes in the 30s. My doctor is baffled because he said it should have the opposite effect on me. But the strangest thing is the instant I sit up and get into recovery, it goes back up into the 60s. It’s only when I’m laying down flat in the operating room when I’m immediately injected with the numbing medication does it lower. I do have Graves’ disease and all of my levels are in normal range. I do take 40 mg of propranolol and 5 mg of methimazole daily. I just don’t understand why it’s only going that low when I’m laying on the operating room table immediately before and immediately after it goes back into normal range. Has anyone heard of this or had this happen to them? Thank you so much. I’m desperate for answers. My surgeon has refused to do it locally now, and said that he will only proceeded under general anesthesia so an anesthesiologist can control my heart. I would much rather figure out the cause. After a little bit of research I’ve done I saw that it could be overstimulation of the vagus nerve, causing the bradycardia. Please help.

Fuecoco 2 shotted my entire team with Round on the first rival battle. I picked Squirtle, Cyndaquil and Treecko cuz they're my OGs. Compared all of their stats and Fuecoco is slower than all 3 of them, yet somehow was moving first and annihilating my team as if it were twice my level.
I'm playing again with the same pokemon to try to replicate it and I've fought a wild Cottonee that didn't fight back at all, and a trainer's Patrat outspeeding my Squirtle, who's level and base speed were/should again be higher.
Ivy had a Piplup the second time around and I just barely won, but also didn't get to heal after so I was down to 1.5 pokemon anyway and could only afford 1 revive and potion after. She also stopped throwing Piplup out on Squirtle when I stopped using Water Gun which is just annoying.
After that I fought a wild double and had a choice to switch my pokemon, but in my first trainer battle since Ivy (also double), I can't? I got a whole $230 from it and healed like 2 pokemon. Then Dunsparce boss (12) one shotted Treecko (14) with Rollout but only took Quilava (15) to yellow even though its super effective against him. I understand Treecko is weaker but he was still 2 levels above Dunsparce and not weak to him.
I am so confused. I'm not a pokemon expert so I know I'm missing something but I try to do my research and I'm just not getting it.

What do you use to supplement your Wellbutrin with for your adhd?
I love love loved the effects Wellbutrin gave me in the first month, but the honeymoon period of over and I’m struggling again with my ADHD. Low motivation, task initiation, distractions…
Did you take anything else to go along with Wellbutrin? Or is it just stop Wellbutrin and go on and actual ADHD med?
I was thinking of adding like 5mg aderral, but I’m not sure.
Let me know!

Prompt: Beatrice accomplishes at least two prompts, the “Tell me a story” by having story connections with Swan and Quinn with exclusive in-game interactions with them and the “Written by a different style” by having a passive ultimate. I think she also accomplishes the “Contrasting parts” by being a Marksman Catcher (Role that currently only Jhin have)
Region: Noxus
Class: Marksman, Catcher
Role: Bot
Resource: Mana
Range: Ranged
Damage type: Attack damage
Physical appearance:
Beatrice is a woman who wears a full armor with a striking dark red coloration, her helmet completely covers her face and is shaped like the head of a raven but without visible eyes, the helmet is open on the back side, revealing long dark-green hair, she wears a cape made of black feathers and wields a bow made of the same dark red metal as the armor.
Base statistics:
Health: 592 +98 (= 2.258) Health regen: 3,65 +0,55 (= 13) Mana: 325 +50 (= 1.175) Mana regen: 8,5 +0,75 (= 21,25) Armor: 26 +4,7 (= 105,9) Magic resist: 30 +1,3 (= 52,1) Attack damage: 55 +5 (= 140) Attack range: 600 Movement speed: 330 Base AS: 0,625 Bonus AS: +5%
Ratings:
Damage: High
Toughness: Low
Control: Medium
Mobility: Medium
Utility: Low
Abilities
Passive: Eyes of the mureder
After damaging an enemy champion with an ability, they are revealed for 6 seconds.
Q: Raven shoot
Beatrice shoots a cluster of darkness in the shape of a raven in a straight line, dealing 60/90/120/150/180 (+60/70/80/90/100% AD) attack damage and slowing all affected enemies by 30% for 3 seconds.
Cost: 60/70/80/90/100 Cooldown: 12/10,5/9/7,5/6 Range: Line of 800
W: Carrion frenzy
Beatrice jumps toward the chosen direction and increases her attack speed by 40/55/70/85/100% for 4 seconds. If Beatrice scores a takedown while this effect is still active, the attack speed increase duration is refreshed. The initial jump can not go through walls.
Cost: 100 Cooldown: 20/19/18/17/16 Range: Line of 400
E: Dark plummet
Beatrice fires a shadow clump in the form of a raven skyward that after 2 seconds, it strikes the chosen destination, dealing 90/130/170/210/250 (+80% AD) attack damage and stunning the damaged enemies for 2 seconds.
Cost: 80/85/90/95/100 Cooldown: 12/11/10/9/8 Range: Circle of 1000 (Target range) Circle of 200 (Raven's plummet)
R: Demonic awakening
After this ability is learned, Beatrice will periodically be engulfed by demonic energy, making red light and sparks come out of her body, when this happens, her next ability will be powered up:
R+Q: Raven shoot
Now, after the ability reaches the target location or its maximum range, a non-intractable Raven will stay in that zone for 3 seconds, channeling a beam against the closest enemy champion, rooting and slowing it by 30/45/60%.
(If there is an ally Swain in this game, if the Raven have channeled at least 1 enemy champion, it leaves a Soul fragment when it disappears)
Range: Circle of 400.
R+W: Carrion frenzy
Now, the distance traveled by the initial jump is increased, can jump through walls and her attack range is increased by 100/150/200 as long as the attack speed increase effect is active.
Range: Line of 600/700/800.
R+E: Dark plummet
Now, when the Raven strikes the floor, it releases a wave that deals the same damage and slows all affected enemies by 30% for 3 seconds.
(If there is an ally Swain in this game, every enemy champion damaged by this ability leaves a Soul fragment)
Range: Circle of 400/500/600.
After damaging an enemy champion with an ability, reduce by 1 the cooldown of this ability.
(If there is an ally Swain in this game, when he gains a Soul fragment near Beatrice, also reduce 1 second the cooldown of this ability)
Cooldown: 30/25/20 Range: Circle of 1200 (Ally Swain Soul fragment gain)
Special event: In-game mission:
If Beatrice and Quinn are in the same match but on opposite teams, when they both reach level 11 and are both alive the Battle of the elite avians begins.
If Beatrice scores a takedown on Quinn while she is paired up with Valor or within 5 seconds they break apart with Behind enemy lines, the cooldown of Demonic awakening is permanently reduced by 5 seconds.
If Quinn scores a takedown on Beatrice while she has Demonic awakening ready or within 5 seconds she uses a powered up ability, the channel to pair up with Valor with Behind enemy lines is permanently reduced by 1,5 seconds.
Lore:
The armies of Noxus have small elite groups among them that serves exclusively a specific high-ranking persons, one of them, at the orders of the grand general, Swain himself, was known as “the black capes”, composed by five members, one of them was Beatrice, known in all the empire for having the sharpest aim in the empire as a whole.
One day, the black capes were sended on a mission to solve a problem some foot soldiers were having in the Western border, some Demacian rangers were infiltrating Noxian territory and systematically taking out their patrols in crucial spots. furthermore, two Ranger-knights were part of this group, one of them being their chieftain, eliminating them would erase the danger the Demacian rangers represented for quite some time, and so, the black capes were mobilized to assassinate them, after all, Demacian rangers are not only formidable foes by themselves, but they also count with the help of their animal companions, making them even tougher opponents to deal with.
After analyzing the places where the Demacian rangers have striked, the Noxian soldiers were able to triangulate their position, a small forest in the middle of nowhere, the Demacian rangers were trying to have the highest advantage they could by fighting in terrain they had mastered, despite this, the Noxian soldiers went after them anyways, in less than half a day, all the available Noxian soldiers got the forest surrounded and the black capes went inside it.
While the black capes were exploring the forest, suddenly, something caught the attention of Beatrice's eye; a big, blue eagle, sitting on a branch. Beatrice could feel something was wrong with that bird, it was looking right at them, it was no coincidence and she soon realized it was one of those ranger's animals, she quickly pulled her bow, but before she could begin to take aim, the eagle flew away and emitted a loud shriek and, within seconds, a round of arrows came from the foliage towards them, despite the surprise, all members of the black capes could dodge them, but the others rangers jumped out of their hiding spot and attacked them, Beatrice fired skyward a special arrow that leaves a trail of red dust, that was the signal for all the other Noxian soldiers to charge towards them, even with the skills the rangers had, they could not defeat so many enemies.
The Demacian rangers started with the upper hand, attacking the black capes from all side, but that situation changed when the Noxian foot soldiers arrived, the amount of troops was overwhelming for the rangers and their solid formation quickly began to crumble with a single casualty, the rangers scatters, desperately trying to end up victorious in this battle, and Beatrice decided to climb up a tree to get a better sight range and hunt down the remaining rangers, from up there, she could see the same azurite eagle from before flying toward her, carrying a ranger with a crossbow on its talons, Beatrice attempted to shoot them down, but, despite her superb accuracy, that eagle managed to dodge all of her shoots and to jump to another branch when the ranger fired back, when Beatrice could finally fire again, she aimed directly for the ranger's hearth, but that was merely a feint, when the eagle got ready to dodge once more, Beatrice changed the trajectory of her shoot, firing an arrow that pierced through one of the eagle's wing, severely wounded, the eagle had no other option but to land, but before that, it flew over Beatrice and the ranger-knight jumped off the eagle to attack Beatrice hand-to-hand, despite not being her expertise, she was able to defend herself against that ranger-knight, while on the middle of the confrontation, suddenly, the ranger-knight whistled, and despite the injury, her eagle flew towards Beatrice once more and clawed her eyes, making Beatrice lose her balance and fall down the tree, hitting her head and falling unconscious.
Some days later, she finally woke up, but something was very wrong with her, she had her eyes wide open, she could feel that, and yet, she could not see anything. That blasted ranger's bird had scarred her eyes and blinded her. While Beatrice was still trying to figure out how to react to this, a nearby soldier informed her about the situation, they were in a carriage and were being escorted back to Noxus, they managed to defeat the Demacian rangers and kill seven out of the nine that were in that forest, but they also suffered a lot of casualties, including the other four members of the black capes. Beatrice was in shock, in a single day she had lost everything, her most powerful asset and all of her trusted companions, a mix of awful emotions started tormenting her, anger, sadness, resentment… She was unable to even articulate a word and suffered in silence until they arrived at the Noxian capital. A helpful soldier escorted her to the doctors where they confirmed Beatrice's worst fear: They were not able to cure her blindness.
After hearing that, she took a decisions, with the aid of the same soldier, she went to have a conversation with her gran general, Swain, when they arrived at his place, she was informed that Swain was already expecting her and she could pass, when Beatrice got inside his office, before being able to say a single word, she immediately fell on her knees and started apologizing for her current state while tears ran down her now useless eyes, after some time of time, Beatrice said she had one request for her grand general, for him to execute her, for she is unable to be of use to the empire of Noxus, now that her vision had been taken away.
After hearing that, Swain produced the first sound he made since Beatrice had entered his office, by sighting to that extreme request she was making, after that, he got up and walked towards her, slowly but firmly, when he was in front of her, he asked if she wished to still be of use for Noxus, Beatrice insisted that she could not do that in her stat, and to that, Swain answered by repeating the exact same question. Without even questioning what that use could be, Beatrice said she wishes to serve Noxus until the last of her days. After that affirmation, Swain placed his hand on her head. A very weirdly-shaped hand, it felt more… like a claw. Before being able to think about that for much, a strange and painful sensation went through all of Beatrice, like if a thunderstorm was happening inside her body, after that sensation stopped, she… could see again. Although overjoyed for a moment, she realized something was wrong… she was seeing herself. Swain explained he had integrated her in his flock of ravens, that their consciences are now linked and she could see through them, after that brief explanation, Swain asked this time if she still wishes to serve him. Still disoriented, Beatrice, while smiling, answered that that would be her greatest honor.

Hi all, I'm new here, and I just wanted to briefly share the story of my relationship with you all. To put things clear, I am not the addicted one: my now ex-girlfriend is. We are both in our early 30s. Technically I am a video game developer, and I currently develop a famous mod. I am also a teacher, so I see a fair share of problems with video-games in teenagers, and even if do love developing games, I am growing the more worried about the effect they may cause.
Long story short, when I met my girlfriend she was a shy, intelligent person. She had faith in catholic curch (the main one in my country, Italy) and she cared for other people. She was a bit too competitive for my liking, and she really wanted to play games (not video-games, like card games, chess and the like), but no signs of trouble in sight (at least to me). She read books, she went to the gym and all of that stuff.
When COVID came, in 2020, me and some of my friends started to play a game now I even dread to mention: Apex Legends. Now, I'm not into FPS (unlike my friends), but we played like 2-3 hours per day during the pandemic. Reasonable, considering we were to stay at home.
The real problem begun afterwards. She always wanted to play that game. More than going out. She always asked. And when not playing that game, she started playing other games on the phone (stuff like Angry Birds, with daily rewards or something like that). She was depending on me or my friends to play Apex at the time, and for some years I felt something was off and worsening, but overall I never really understood she had a dependency. In the meanwhile, I stopped playing Apex completely due to boredom and, quite frankly, having better things to do.
Then, she started hiding the time spent gaming on Apex from me (we didn't live togehter at the time). She started hiding her phone while playing Angry Birds and later I discovered even other games. She was reluctant to do things and always wanted to be at home. She didn't want to work (even if she is employed, she just complained a lot) and she always seemed bored at everything. She stopped attending the curch and doing any kind of physical activity. I was feeling something was off, but she went to a therapist and we started building our home together, like a regular couple would do.
At the end of last year, my friends stopped playing Apex completely. I was like: cool, now she will be less focused on the game and we are going to live together in our beautiful house soon. Stuff will improve. Boy, was I wrong. She started looking around discord and Twitch to find other people to play with. She found them. Now she plays 8-10 hours a day. To put things in perspective I barely play anything more than 3-6 hours per WEEK. Later on I discovered she was hiding all the time spent gaming to her therapist.
I invested money, time and love in our house and our relationship. I have nothing now, at 31 years old. I feel like I don't love her anymore, at least not what she has become. I tried to fight this, I tried to talk to her. She thinks to play is the best thing right now. She said to me it's just temporary. It's been temporary for years and worsening each year... She asked me to encourage her to play more or join her during her sessions.
A week ago I decided to leave her, being unable to help her and not willing to endure any longer to be less relevant than a fucking game. She doesn't want to be helped and I want to live a... happy life, or at least a decent one. And yet I am unable to not feel guilty for all of this. For introducing her to that game, for not being able to recognize the first symptoms before it was too late.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to tell my story and to let you all know that now I can finally see what games can do to adults. I am a developer, and never ever I would have thought to be unable to manage something like this, to see someone you love to become something else entirely. To all of you who fight against this nightmare of addiction, you are doing great! I was unable to save my girlfriend, as she didn't want to be saved. I hope you will.

Today I went into elective surgery for the second time. Both times we had to stop and cancel. In preop, my heart rate is 64 and blood pressure 104/64 which is very normal for me. As soon as I get into the operating room and injected with lidocaine and epinephrine, my heart rate goes in the 30s. My doctor is baffled because he said it should have the opposite effect on me. But the strangest thing is the instant I sit up and get into recovery, it goes back up into the 60s. It’s only when I’m laying down flat in the operating room when I’m immediately injected with the numbing medication does it lower. I do have Graves’ disease and all of my levels are in normal range. I do take 40 mg of propranolol and 5 mg of methimazole daily. I just don’t understand why it’s only going that low when I’m laying on the operating room table immediately before and immediately after it goes back into normal range. Has anyone heard of this or had this happen to them? Thank you so much. I’m desperate for answers. My surgeon has refused to do it locally now, and said that he will only proceeded under general anesthesia so an anesthesiologist can control my heart. I would much rather figure out the cause. After a little bit of research I’ve done I saw that it could be overstimulation of the vagus nerve, causing the bradycardia. Please help.