How to draw a vagina
HowToDraw: Post step by step guides, your drawing and sketches.
2011.09.10 09:24 patrickaaron HowToDraw: Post step by step guides, your drawing and sketches.
2013.02.14 00:40 Fuzzy_Pickles How To Draw Really Good.
Youtube Celebrity giving advice and pro tips on how to draw things to a very professional level.
2012.02.29 03:35 afewseekhay how to not give a fuck
how to not give a fuck is the paradoxical problem-free philosophy @ https://discord.gg/bHV7hvMUMm
2024.05.15 19:09 sambrooks11 crazy family problems (brother i posted this on 2 other vent things but it said i dont meet the requirements like wtf does that mean im js tryna vent bro)
basicly my mom died when i was 7. my dad married this woman, lets call her rachel. they got married when i was around 9ish and had two children who are my half siblings and i have one full sibling. but theyre in the process of a divorce rn. now lets say i live in america however im originaly from another country (lets say morroco). my aunt, from my dads side, (lets call her grace) moved in with us right before corona, she came to 'america' from 'moroco' to find a better job. corona hit and we've been stuck being roomates for 5 years at this point, im 16 rn and shes 32.
i would always spend months saving up money to buy myself nice things, like perfumes, makeup, clothes, stuff for my hair, etc. every single time i would buy something my aunt, grace would automaticly take it and claim ownership. she would put it in her car and refuse to give it back to me. she would always say that 'it was too hot outside' to go to the car, or sometimes even take it to her office and she would never give it back. just last week i got a really expensive perfume from my other aunt who comes from my moms side. ive been wanting this perfume for a year. the moment i got home from getting the perfume grace takes the perfume from me and starts smelling it. she says it smells really nice and gives it back to me. i put it in one of my bags and go to sleep. the next day i wake up and get ready for school and i cant find the perfume anywhere but she said she hasnt taken it, shes lying i can litteraly smell it on her. another thing is that she always smokes cigarets. i had bronchitis and she didnt want to stop smoking around me! which caused my bronchitis to get worse and the doctor recomended that i stay away from her because of how bad it got.
now my full sibling, lets call him alex, is 13 has a lot of problems. not like autism or anything but hes crazy. whenever we would get cakes or anything for birthdays he would eat the cake in ONE DAY A WHOLE A*S CAKE THAT WEIGHS 1KG IN ONE DAY. whenever we get any type of food he finish it all in once sitting. he always eats the really spicy instant noodles in secret which causes him to get very bad stomach problems. he has stolen over $5000 from me. my rooms lock and doorhandle broke a few years ago so i cant even close my door and my dad doesnt want to fix it. i always hide my money or try to keep it on me at all times however he always finds a way to find it. last time i litteraly cut one of my bras open and put the money in the padding and sewed it back up and he still managed to take the money. now ur prolly wondering how do i know for sure hes the one that takes the money. my aunt wont take money from me, only objects, my dad just wouldnt and the only person left in the house is alex. now unless you think my cat is stealing the money then it has to be him. i told my dad about this a billion times and he just keeps telling me "it wasnt alex no way". alex has gotten suspended 4 times since he started highschool (he started litteray 1 year ago). he's gotten into fights at least twice a month. he steals from the whole family not just me. hes stolen so much money from my dad and aunt asweel. he grafitied our neighboors house. whenever he gets something new like a gift like shoes or a game or something, he breaks it in one day. my dad is always making excuses for him and will not punish him for anything he does. my brother always hits me on my vagina and my boobs with belts and slippers and wooden spoons even when im on my period and my dad doesnt do anything about it.
so basicly now about this rachel woman. shes fucking psycotic. when they got married at the beggining she would always fight with me, i would get some crayons or markers to colour and draw with and she would take them from me saying that she wanted to draw. basicly she would act like a kid. a few months before corona she gave birth to my half sister, lets call her mia. she would PURPOSLY STARVE MIA BECAUSE SHE WANTED HER TO HAVE A SKINNY BODY. SHE WOULD STARVE A NEWBORN BRO. she would always put mia to sleep in the middle of the bed right next to my dad and my dad would only get less than an hour of sleep each night for at least two months scared that he was going to crush mia. and he tried to move mia back to her crib but she was already sleeping and if he moved her she would start crying and wouldnt go back to sleep. it got to the point where my dad WHO OWNS THE HOUSE AND EVERYTHING IN IT started sleeping on a carpet on the floor because he was so scared to hurt mia. during corona in 'america' we werent allowed to leave the house at all. we had to file an aplication every week to go grocery shopping and only one person from the whole household could leave the house. since my dad was the one earning the money he went grocery shopping. this one time rachel told my dad she wanted to leave the house so my dad told her next week he would file the aplication saying she leave the house instead. the next day rachel CALLS THE POLICE AND TELLS THEM THAT MY DAD IS HOLDING HER AND MIA HOSTAGE AND THAT HE KIDNAPPED THEM, keep in mind that shes a 32 year old woman. the police obviously come and check things out, my dad told him the story, our maid vouched for him and the security cameras were checked and then the police cleared my dad. a few days after that rachel decided she wants to go back to 'Morocco' because she missed her mom. (her mom is the one encoureging the behavior and encouriging starving mia). rachel said she would report my dad to the police for rape if he didnt let her go so he bought her a ticket and they went. a few days after that we found out that she was pregnant again. but by now corona was really bad and no one could travel.
basicly im not gonna write everything that happened in between then and now but basicly she demaded so many things from my dad around $10,000 monthly for child costs (she doesnt work, never has, even till now) (this is like 2022 by now) my dad does not have that type of money as he already sends them a lot of money and the costs of living in 'america' are a lot and he also has to take care of his parents because hes the oldest so he pays their bills and everything. he filled for divorce because she kept getting crazier, she would threaten to hurt the kids. he tried to get custody of the kids as it was hard because the law in 'moroco' sides with the woman most of the time. she keeps asking for more and more money and my dad went to court and the court set a certain amount. last summer when we went back to 'moroco' rachel and my dad agreed that my dad would take the kids for a full day. the kids were okay with it and had no problems. 2 hours after my dad took his kids from her she comes marching up to my grandparents house, my dads parents, and starts trying to do black magic and demanding that he give her the children back. a few months after that she asked my dad for more money for child care because both of them are starting school now so he sent a bit extra. she used this money to hire a lawyer in 'america' to investigate my dad so she can demand more money from him. today he got a call from one of her lawyers saying that she demands $30,000. since the law in both 'moroco and america' work very fast my dad needs to get a certain paper before firday (its wednsday 9pm at this moment) and if he doesnt then she can take the money from him or something like that im not sure.
i dont know what to do anymore im scared that we're gonna go bankrupt. my dad is paying for expenses for 4 people here in 'america', me him alex and my aunt grace because shes a free loader and is living here for free and refuses to get a job. he's paying for her living and my two half siblings,. the house that my dad aunt brother and me and living in today is under my dads name but alex and i own a bit of it because my dad bought it with my mom before she died and when she died it was split into 3 to me, my dad and my brother, part of it was also given to my grandfather from my moms side lets call him charles and charles demanded that we sell the house imediatly because he didnt want us living there anymore and there was nowhere we could go. my dad had to pay a lot of money to get us to keep the house. rachel wants half of everything my dad owns. that means half of the house, half of his salery half of everything. shes asking for $30,000 and my dad doesnt even make that much in two months.
anyway thats my vent hope u enjoyed. if you read till here congrats thank you! have a good day and a good life! :)
submitted by sambrooks11 to TeenVent [link] [comments]
i would always spend months saving up money to buy myself nice things, like perfumes, makeup, clothes, stuff for my hair, etc. every single time i would buy something my aunt, grace would automaticly take it and claim ownership. she would put it in her car and refuse to give it back to me. she would always say that 'it was too hot outside' to go to the car, or sometimes even take it to her office and she would never give it back. just last week i got a really expensive perfume from my other aunt who comes from my moms side. ive been wanting this perfume for a year. the moment i got home from getting the perfume grace takes the perfume from me and starts smelling it. she says it smells really nice and gives it back to me. i put it in one of my bags and go to sleep. the next day i wake up and get ready for school and i cant find the perfume anywhere but she said she hasnt taken it, shes lying i can litteraly smell it on her. another thing is that she always smokes cigarets. i had bronchitis and she didnt want to stop smoking around me! which caused my bronchitis to get worse and the doctor recomended that i stay away from her because of how bad it got.
now my full sibling, lets call him alex, is 13 has a lot of problems. not like autism or anything but hes crazy. whenever we would get cakes or anything for birthdays he would eat the cake in ONE DAY A WHOLE A*S CAKE THAT WEIGHS 1KG IN ONE DAY. whenever we get any type of food he finish it all in once sitting. he always eats the really spicy instant noodles in secret which causes him to get very bad stomach problems. he has stolen over $5000 from me. my rooms lock and doorhandle broke a few years ago so i cant even close my door and my dad doesnt want to fix it. i always hide my money or try to keep it on me at all times however he always finds a way to find it. last time i litteraly cut one of my bras open and put the money in the padding and sewed it back up and he still managed to take the money. now ur prolly wondering how do i know for sure hes the one that takes the money. my aunt wont take money from me, only objects, my dad just wouldnt and the only person left in the house is alex. now unless you think my cat is stealing the money then it has to be him. i told my dad about this a billion times and he just keeps telling me "it wasnt alex no way". alex has gotten suspended 4 times since he started highschool (he started litteray 1 year ago). he's gotten into fights at least twice a month. he steals from the whole family not just me. hes stolen so much money from my dad and aunt asweel. he grafitied our neighboors house. whenever he gets something new like a gift like shoes or a game or something, he breaks it in one day. my dad is always making excuses for him and will not punish him for anything he does. my brother always hits me on my vagina and my boobs with belts and slippers and wooden spoons even when im on my period and my dad doesnt do anything about it.
so basicly now about this rachel woman. shes fucking psycotic. when they got married at the beggining she would always fight with me, i would get some crayons or markers to colour and draw with and she would take them from me saying that she wanted to draw. basicly she would act like a kid. a few months before corona she gave birth to my half sister, lets call her mia. she would PURPOSLY STARVE MIA BECAUSE SHE WANTED HER TO HAVE A SKINNY BODY. SHE WOULD STARVE A NEWBORN BRO. she would always put mia to sleep in the middle of the bed right next to my dad and my dad would only get less than an hour of sleep each night for at least two months scared that he was going to crush mia. and he tried to move mia back to her crib but she was already sleeping and if he moved her she would start crying and wouldnt go back to sleep. it got to the point where my dad WHO OWNS THE HOUSE AND EVERYTHING IN IT started sleeping on a carpet on the floor because he was so scared to hurt mia. during corona in 'america' we werent allowed to leave the house at all. we had to file an aplication every week to go grocery shopping and only one person from the whole household could leave the house. since my dad was the one earning the money he went grocery shopping. this one time rachel told my dad she wanted to leave the house so my dad told her next week he would file the aplication saying she leave the house instead. the next day rachel CALLS THE POLICE AND TELLS THEM THAT MY DAD IS HOLDING HER AND MIA HOSTAGE AND THAT HE KIDNAPPED THEM, keep in mind that shes a 32 year old woman. the police obviously come and check things out, my dad told him the story, our maid vouched for him and the security cameras were checked and then the police cleared my dad. a few days after that rachel decided she wants to go back to 'Morocco' because she missed her mom. (her mom is the one encoureging the behavior and encouriging starving mia). rachel said she would report my dad to the police for rape if he didnt let her go so he bought her a ticket and they went. a few days after that we found out that she was pregnant again. but by now corona was really bad and no one could travel.
basicly im not gonna write everything that happened in between then and now but basicly she demaded so many things from my dad around $10,000 monthly for child costs (she doesnt work, never has, even till now) (this is like 2022 by now) my dad does not have that type of money as he already sends them a lot of money and the costs of living in 'america' are a lot and he also has to take care of his parents because hes the oldest so he pays their bills and everything. he filled for divorce because she kept getting crazier, she would threaten to hurt the kids. he tried to get custody of the kids as it was hard because the law in 'moroco' sides with the woman most of the time. she keeps asking for more and more money and my dad went to court and the court set a certain amount. last summer when we went back to 'moroco' rachel and my dad agreed that my dad would take the kids for a full day. the kids were okay with it and had no problems. 2 hours after my dad took his kids from her she comes marching up to my grandparents house, my dads parents, and starts trying to do black magic and demanding that he give her the children back. a few months after that she asked my dad for more money for child care because both of them are starting school now so he sent a bit extra. she used this money to hire a lawyer in 'america' to investigate my dad so she can demand more money from him. today he got a call from one of her lawyers saying that she demands $30,000. since the law in both 'moroco and america' work very fast my dad needs to get a certain paper before firday (its wednsday 9pm at this moment) and if he doesnt then she can take the money from him or something like that im not sure.
i dont know what to do anymore im scared that we're gonna go bankrupt. my dad is paying for expenses for 4 people here in 'america', me him alex and my aunt grace because shes a free loader and is living here for free and refuses to get a job. he's paying for her living and my two half siblings,. the house that my dad aunt brother and me and living in today is under my dads name but alex and i own a bit of it because my dad bought it with my mom before she died and when she died it was split into 3 to me, my dad and my brother, part of it was also given to my grandfather from my moms side lets call him charles and charles demanded that we sell the house imediatly because he didnt want us living there anymore and there was nowhere we could go. my dad had to pay a lot of money to get us to keep the house. rachel wants half of everything my dad owns. that means half of the house, half of his salery half of everything. shes asking for $30,000 and my dad doesnt even make that much in two months.
anyway thats my vent hope u enjoyed. if you read till here congrats thank you! have a good day and a good life! :)
2024.05.15 16:28 Andromeda_Kane The art of the debate: Adora and my own ick
everything following is my opinion based upon my own perceptions. The following should not be taken as ultimate truth, and i cannot know the content of someone's head nor heart
So, I've overall evaluated the advocacy of Adora, and i have found her lacking. She refuses to include anyone that isn't a white trans woman in her conversations. She doesn't uplift voices that won't benefit her directly. Her "advocacy" is done solely through the medium of debate.
So how is she at debates? Well, in a word, bad. Let me explain why.
Her arguments: Adora is bad bad when it comes to creating arguments. Debating, as a skill, requires more than just building an argument that stands on its own. If you created the perfect arguments that were undefeatable, only half the work would be done. The real skill comes in when you go conversation to conversation actually being able to respond to your opposition. Listening to the points that are made and being able to show them why the ground they stand on is weaker than yours. Not just stating your position, but being able to show why your position is superior.
Adora is incapable of doing so. Her conversations are the same every single time because she's using copy-pasted arguments she got from other people, merely inserting them like every conversation is simply by the numbers. And that is with rando's. It should be extremely simple for adora to prove her womanhood to most people she talks to, because the bulk of her talks are said rando's.
for clarity, the random individuals who come into lives are usually quite simple because they are typically unprepared for a debate. They don't have supports. They don't have sources pre-saved. They don't have a masterdoc. They don't have have a pre-prepared argument. Hence why rando's should typically be a slam dunk
But adora can't even defeat the random opps that come through because she is not a thinker. She doesn't spend her time considering her own arguments, improving her stances, or learning more. She doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to what debaters ought to do when she's not live. Instead she outsources it to her panelists, and leeches off their arguments.
The leech: Adora, for a long time, refused to develop her own points. She stole them. Stole them from mostly from Parker and myself, but also picked up arguments here and there from her panelists.
to be clear knowledge is absolutely a collaborative effort. It is completely normal for arguments from others to be lifted and reused. The issue comes into place when adora refuses or simply can't do the work herself.*
When i first realized she was lifting my arguments, truth be told, i was flattered. I said something so smart, other people started repeating it. Not just adora! But overtime, other people moved on to their own talking points, and adora continued to use my arguments for months until very recently.
It was when i noticed how much of my arguments and even pieces of my personality she started taking, i admittedly got the ick and haven't really wanted to be close to her since.
"I am a female": Adora argues that she's a female, because she is generally defeated by the "adult human female" argument. For a long time she's tried fo use my "sociology female" argument, which is robust, and not only demonstrates the point without declaring myself to be a female, and merely talks about social categories. The issue comes in that she doesn't understand the argument i made, just that it's effective. It requires an understanding of not just the social categories, but also a grasp of pragmatism.
Since she stopped using said arguments, she's instead resorted to calling herself female full stop, using Phenotypically female as her arguments, referring to her vagina, breasts, and skin.
Not only is this argument purely rooted in transmedicalism, (and would leave trans people of other experiences behind, uplifting only herself and her womanhood), but also is directly contradictory to herself.
Any time any of her opps uses her more masculine features to exclude her from being a woman, she stands firm on one point. "There is no right way to look like a woman."
But apparently her phenotypes are the right way to look? I digress.
Christie: So, as i described earlier, the 'bread and butter' (if you will) of a debate live are the random people that come in. But just like there are 'career' debaters focused on the support and advocacy of trans people, there are, in turn, 'career' debaters specially aligned against trans people. And just like there are solid stances for supporting trans people, there are solid points against. And it is a testament to a debater's skills to be able to defeat career opposition, as they're just as prepared as you are for a debate.
So, given the aforementioned lack of debate skills, it is my genuine and firm belief that she is scared of Christie. She flees from Christie, avoids her debates, avoids her even when Christie isn't even on the panel but merely GIFTS someone.
This doesn't just stop at Christie. It extends to rawreal, NATe, every single career debater. Menareforged was blocked for handing her ass to her in a debate, and feigned some nonsense reason why.
She cannot stand any challenge to her genuine existence and experiences. But she decides to debate her existence. So she's going to perpetually run away from any single individual that threatens her beliefs, and when she's WRONG she will run from those that prove her so, rather than amending the stances.
Andromeda: Forgive me, for i love to talk about myself, and i only feel it's so apt that i bring up the adora and andy debate.
It was my idea, suggested towards Maria initially, and adora liked the idea and volunteered herself. I had no idea at that time that she was so woefully unprepared, and thought adora would be one of my bigger challenges. I knew i would win, but i expected it to take 30 mins-an hour. Not 5 minutes.
I was crushed, if I'm honest, for a few reasons. Firstly, for a selfish reason. I was so excited to be challenged in my thoughts and i was extremely let down. I crave and thoroughly enjoy debates. I see them as mental puzzles. There's a right piece for the conversation, i just need to find it.
It was when i kept having to throw her a bone to chew on that that i became woefully aware of what i was looking at. Someone who doesn't know anything. Someone who is ignorant to why trans women are women, someone who only holds the belief that we are, with absolutely no way to support that position.
I was shocked. Ashamed. I supported someone so fucking bad at debates, and when she was FORCED to debate, with no pay to kick, she was so thoroughly torn down that she avoided hosting the topic for a couple months unless i was on the panel. She suddenly started rambling on about "trans identities aren't up for debate".
Final thoughts. I will be honest, i feel I've left a legacy of shame when i left the app. I feel I've done a disservice to the trans community, and debatetok. I do feel responsible for what i left behind and seeing and listening to adora now has me feeling a sense of guilt for not seeing the problem earlier and intervening when i could.
On that woeful note, i will always stand up for trans people, and if it means helping adora, i will. But if need be i will continue to stand up to her. Even if i can't help bring about change with adora, i feel I must draw my own line in the sand.
submitted by Andromeda_Kane to adorable_SNARK [link] [comments]
So, I've overall evaluated the advocacy of Adora, and i have found her lacking. She refuses to include anyone that isn't a white trans woman in her conversations. She doesn't uplift voices that won't benefit her directly. Her "advocacy" is done solely through the medium of debate.
So how is she at debates? Well, in a word, bad. Let me explain why.
Her arguments: Adora is bad bad when it comes to creating arguments. Debating, as a skill, requires more than just building an argument that stands on its own. If you created the perfect arguments that were undefeatable, only half the work would be done. The real skill comes in when you go conversation to conversation actually being able to respond to your opposition. Listening to the points that are made and being able to show them why the ground they stand on is weaker than yours. Not just stating your position, but being able to show why your position is superior.
Adora is incapable of doing so. Her conversations are the same every single time because she's using copy-pasted arguments she got from other people, merely inserting them like every conversation is simply by the numbers. And that is with rando's. It should be extremely simple for adora to prove her womanhood to most people she talks to, because the bulk of her talks are said rando's.
for clarity, the random individuals who come into lives are usually quite simple because they are typically unprepared for a debate. They don't have supports. They don't have sources pre-saved. They don't have a masterdoc. They don't have have a pre-prepared argument. Hence why rando's should typically be a slam dunk
But adora can't even defeat the random opps that come through because she is not a thinker. She doesn't spend her time considering her own arguments, improving her stances, or learning more. She doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to what debaters ought to do when she's not live. Instead she outsources it to her panelists, and leeches off their arguments.
The leech: Adora, for a long time, refused to develop her own points. She stole them. Stole them from mostly from Parker and myself, but also picked up arguments here and there from her panelists.
to be clear knowledge is absolutely a collaborative effort. It is completely normal for arguments from others to be lifted and reused. The issue comes into place when adora refuses or simply can't do the work herself.*
When i first realized she was lifting my arguments, truth be told, i was flattered. I said something so smart, other people started repeating it. Not just adora! But overtime, other people moved on to their own talking points, and adora continued to use my arguments for months until very recently.
It was when i noticed how much of my arguments and even pieces of my personality she started taking, i admittedly got the ick and haven't really wanted to be close to her since.
"I am a female": Adora argues that she's a female, because she is generally defeated by the "adult human female" argument. For a long time she's tried fo use my "sociology female" argument, which is robust, and not only demonstrates the point without declaring myself to be a female, and merely talks about social categories. The issue comes in that she doesn't understand the argument i made, just that it's effective. It requires an understanding of not just the social categories, but also a grasp of pragmatism.
Since she stopped using said arguments, she's instead resorted to calling herself female full stop, using Phenotypically female as her arguments, referring to her vagina, breasts, and skin.
Not only is this argument purely rooted in transmedicalism, (and would leave trans people of other experiences behind, uplifting only herself and her womanhood), but also is directly contradictory to herself.
Any time any of her opps uses her more masculine features to exclude her from being a woman, she stands firm on one point. "There is no right way to look like a woman."
But apparently her phenotypes are the right way to look? I digress.
Christie: So, as i described earlier, the 'bread and butter' (if you will) of a debate live are the random people that come in. But just like there are 'career' debaters focused on the support and advocacy of trans people, there are, in turn, 'career' debaters specially aligned against trans people. And just like there are solid stances for supporting trans people, there are solid points against. And it is a testament to a debater's skills to be able to defeat career opposition, as they're just as prepared as you are for a debate.
So, given the aforementioned lack of debate skills, it is my genuine and firm belief that she is scared of Christie. She flees from Christie, avoids her debates, avoids her even when Christie isn't even on the panel but merely GIFTS someone.
This doesn't just stop at Christie. It extends to rawreal, NATe, every single career debater. Menareforged was blocked for handing her ass to her in a debate, and feigned some nonsense reason why.
She cannot stand any challenge to her genuine existence and experiences. But she decides to debate her existence. So she's going to perpetually run away from any single individual that threatens her beliefs, and when she's WRONG she will run from those that prove her so, rather than amending the stances.
Andromeda: Forgive me, for i love to talk about myself, and i only feel it's so apt that i bring up the adora and andy debate.
It was my idea, suggested towards Maria initially, and adora liked the idea and volunteered herself. I had no idea at that time that she was so woefully unprepared, and thought adora would be one of my bigger challenges. I knew i would win, but i expected it to take 30 mins-an hour. Not 5 minutes.
I was crushed, if I'm honest, for a few reasons. Firstly, for a selfish reason. I was so excited to be challenged in my thoughts and i was extremely let down. I crave and thoroughly enjoy debates. I see them as mental puzzles. There's a right piece for the conversation, i just need to find it.
It was when i kept having to throw her a bone to chew on that that i became woefully aware of what i was looking at. Someone who doesn't know anything. Someone who is ignorant to why trans women are women, someone who only holds the belief that we are, with absolutely no way to support that position.
I was shocked. Ashamed. I supported someone so fucking bad at debates, and when she was FORCED to debate, with no pay to kick, she was so thoroughly torn down that she avoided hosting the topic for a couple months unless i was on the panel. She suddenly started rambling on about "trans identities aren't up for debate".
Final thoughts. I will be honest, i feel I've left a legacy of shame when i left the app. I feel I've done a disservice to the trans community, and debatetok. I do feel responsible for what i left behind and seeing and listening to adora now has me feeling a sense of guilt for not seeing the problem earlier and intervening when i could.
On that woeful note, i will always stand up for trans people, and if it means helping adora, i will. But if need be i will continue to stand up to her. Even if i can't help bring about change with adora, i feel I must draw my own line in the sand.
2024.05.15 12:10 RedRiam Ramblings on Sexuality, Fetichization, and The male Gaze in relation to GL
A person was recently asking on how to identify fetichization in yuri. And I gave an answer which I felt I maybe wanted to share on a bigger scale. Mainly because I feel there are many misconceptions and damaging oversimplification of this issues. And I fear too often purity culture is the choice for people as it offers a simple and easy to follow guide to right and wrong in sexuality. And gender essentialism and damaging stigma can fester in it.
Fetichization is a complex line that people often paint wrong. And it is very vibes based, but when done in high ammounts it is definitely a problem on a large scale in a lot of genres. Also women can partake in it to. As no alosexual or certain greys of ace people are trully free from the constructs that make our understanding of sex and atraction.
And there is also the very negative purity culture that in trying to further themselves from fetichization as a whole, reinforces gender esentialism, by creating a false dichotomy in how women and men enjoy sexuality. It's not a problem of "how", but "how much" as the thing is the entitlement inherent to men in patriarchy allows them to completely dehumanize the subjects of their atraction, but that means women if entitled enough can also forget to draw this line. Meaning fetichization is to some degree a part of sexuality as a whole, it is part of sexual enjoyment for everyone.
An example that I think shows the failure in how we understand this issue. Would be "life of Adelle", which my mom, a cis woman, thought was the hotest thing she had ever watched and ended ultra turned on by a movie acussed of being "fetichized". The thing is both things are true to a degree, it is male gazy and fetichized, but a woman also partakes in that when sexually engaging with any person. Though the creation of said movie being super fucked, and the sexualization of minors, makes it even more complex of an issue and hard to discuss (And a whole different thing to talk about on societies obsession and fetichization of teens)
In Bl it is always easy to see when men are being fetichized as you'll see women writers put disfunctional vaginas in mens assholes, you often read descriptions of an asshole being wet and lunbricated on it's own, when assholes don't secrete natural lubricants, and sex depends on good lubrication and dilatation even more than with vaginas.
In the case of GL it's a thing of what is the focus in. How much do they dance arround bisexuality not for actual real representation or ever calling it by the name but to make the women available to men (bisexual rep is often way better in korean manwha), how often they end as "very good friends", or if the point is to make them "pure uwu" which falls into the gender essentialist notion of women being pure in opossition to men (being sexual). These are more or less clear signs, and women are less likely to be doing this (though again, they can). When it comes to sexual stories and porn it's even more complicated to make clear lines, so the following signs are super subjective and less likely to be fully pinpointed on a gender identity (outside of the obvious "they only have sex to train each other for a man"). But I'd say too much focus on boobs, and balloon boobs can be a sign. Too much scissoring as well says a lot. And when I say vibes based, it is what it is: The way they kiss can say a lot, the way they explore eachothers bodies, it's subjective and really hard to actually pin-point.
But in short you are entitled to sexual enjoyment, and that will come with a level of fetichization, no matter gender identity or sexuality. There will always be a need for balance between projection and fetichization and the real humans behind it. And not deconstructed men will easily let their ideas proyected onto women be the only thing that matter.
TLDR: The important thing is to be able to recognize the human behind your sexual projections. But most humans will experience atraction in very similar ways.
Ps: And if it wasn't already clear by this whole wall of text. Anyone can write good GL regardless of gender, and enjoy GL too! Empathy is at the root of good writing
submitted by RedRiam to yuri_manga [link] [comments]
Fetichization is a complex line that people often paint wrong. And it is very vibes based, but when done in high ammounts it is definitely a problem on a large scale in a lot of genres. Also women can partake in it to. As no alosexual or certain greys of ace people are trully free from the constructs that make our understanding of sex and atraction.
And there is also the very negative purity culture that in trying to further themselves from fetichization as a whole, reinforces gender esentialism, by creating a false dichotomy in how women and men enjoy sexuality. It's not a problem of "how", but "how much" as the thing is the entitlement inherent to men in patriarchy allows them to completely dehumanize the subjects of their atraction, but that means women if entitled enough can also forget to draw this line. Meaning fetichization is to some degree a part of sexuality as a whole, it is part of sexual enjoyment for everyone.
An example that I think shows the failure in how we understand this issue. Would be "life of Adelle", which my mom, a cis woman, thought was the hotest thing she had ever watched and ended ultra turned on by a movie acussed of being "fetichized". The thing is both things are true to a degree, it is male gazy and fetichized, but a woman also partakes in that when sexually engaging with any person. Though the creation of said movie being super fucked, and the sexualization of minors, makes it even more complex of an issue and hard to discuss (And a whole different thing to talk about on societies obsession and fetichization of teens)
In Bl it is always easy to see when men are being fetichized as you'll see women writers put disfunctional vaginas in mens assholes, you often read descriptions of an asshole being wet and lunbricated on it's own, when assholes don't secrete natural lubricants, and sex depends on good lubrication and dilatation even more than with vaginas.
In the case of GL it's a thing of what is the focus in. How much do they dance arround bisexuality not for actual real representation or ever calling it by the name but to make the women available to men (bisexual rep is often way better in korean manwha), how often they end as "very good friends", or if the point is to make them "pure uwu" which falls into the gender essentialist notion of women being pure in opossition to men (being sexual). These are more or less clear signs, and women are less likely to be doing this (though again, they can). When it comes to sexual stories and porn it's even more complicated to make clear lines, so the following signs are super subjective and less likely to be fully pinpointed on a gender identity (outside of the obvious "they only have sex to train each other for a man"). But I'd say too much focus on boobs, and balloon boobs can be a sign. Too much scissoring as well says a lot. And when I say vibes based, it is what it is: The way they kiss can say a lot, the way they explore eachothers bodies, it's subjective and really hard to actually pin-point.
But in short you are entitled to sexual enjoyment, and that will come with a level of fetichization, no matter gender identity or sexuality. There will always be a need for balance between projection and fetichization and the real humans behind it. And not deconstructed men will easily let their ideas proyected onto women be the only thing that matter.
TLDR: The important thing is to be able to recognize the human behind your sexual projections. But most humans will experience atraction in very similar ways.
Ps: And if it wasn't already clear by this whole wall of text. Anyone can write good GL regardless of gender, and enjoy GL too! Empathy is at the root of good writing
2024.05.14 17:03 secretsocietyofsalt Need help wording how to tell my son that his trans sister needs me more right now.
I'm sharing here because I feel the listener base to this podcast might have some good points for me. Y'all have been helpful before. TYIA.
Some context: My daughter (mtf16) has been out to the family for around 2 1/2 years now (I've known something was different about her since she was a toddler). My husband and son (18) doesn't accept her. I'm also in a very red town in a very red state that is very anti-trans (so bad that an online mob doxxed a trans girl nearby a few months ago and threatened her, her family, and her place of employment with bomb and death threats). This is on top of teachers deliberately misgendering and dead-naming because they don't have to respect trans students. She doesn't really get outright bullied, but snide slurs and comments are made randomly a few times a week. She dresses neutral, so as not to draw attention, she sticks with her small group of friends, and generally keeps her head down because being herself at school, home, anywhere, just gets met with hate and disgust.
She's in therapy, but there's only so much that can be done as long as she keeps being forced to hide herself. There are no rights or protections for her, and I see this weighing heavily on her. She has lost interest in most things she used to love, rarely smiles anymore, and just doesn't care about passing school or even brushing her teeth. She's on the max dose of meds for severe depression.
My husband's solution is to ignore it. Our "son" has a mental illness is all. God made us with penises and vaginas for a reason, and if we ignore it, maybe it will go away.
I've tried giving him the science behind being trans. I've tried to give him multiple resources-scientific, religious, anecdotal (this is an experience as a trans child stuff)- but he refuses to look at any of it and claims the Bible is all he needs. We've even been to couple's therapy.
To keep from going into more detail, I'll just say that I realized some months ago what I needed to do: I was going to have to leave the state with my child. She won't make it to adulthood if I don't.
Now to my son (18). He graduates from high school this week. He was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder around 10/11 years old. His major difficulty is disseminating information. If something requires multiple steps, he can't remember or take in all the steps at one time. He also has some other typical signs of ASD like anxiety, especially when he's doing something new or has a change in routine.
And he doesn't accept that his sibling is trans either. Just like his father, he repeats the religious talking points. We have a good relationship otherwise. But if I try to provide information on any subject he disagrees with, he just dismisses it with religious or political talking points that he's heard from others, mainly his dad and older half-brother. He's been dismissive and disrespectful of me as well. I didn't realize until recently that it is the same way my husband treats me. It's the passing down of the fucking patriarchy. My husband didn't have much of a hand in raising him through the hard stuff (discipline, for one; his dad never disciplined and wouldn't back me up, and instead would treat me as if my discipline of my child was a sibling rivalry). But apparently just seeing our relationship in motion convinced my son that's how things should be.
I feel like I failed my son. I've tried to tell him that his attitude and outlook will hurt his future relationships (they have already had an effect on some recent ladies he's dated). And I don't think he gets that his attitude about trans people will (and probably already has) put a rift between him and his sister. I know they love each other and despite his misgendering, they laugh together and still game together. But when my daughter decides she doesn't want to put up with the disrespect anymore, that will put an end to any reconciliation.
At this point, with his attitude, taking him with us isn't an option. My daughter needs to feel open and safe in order to flourish and reach her full potential. I want to see her love life again, and that can't include anyone in the household who invalidates her existence.
When I go, I know my husband will likely bad-mouth me. I know can't control what my son thinks and feels, and he will probably be hurt that he can't go with us and/or that I won't be close by. I apparently am not very good at persuasion and need some help with how to word that I'm leaving to save his sister's life. I want him to know that I love him and will talk with him anytime, but I feel like he should get a footing in the world without me for a while. At the same time, he'll be hearing the anti-trans, ultra-conservative crap from his dad and brother. I don't want to lose him. My heart has already been through hell.
What do I need to say to him to show him that if there is a God, God doesn't give two fiddly fucks about genitals and that just because he doesn't understand something, doesn't mean he can't be respectful and supportive. How do I tell him that I'm not "leaving him," I'm leaving to save my daughter's life? I want him to understand the gravity of the situation, and that dysphoria is not a "mental illness." It relays who a trans person really is. I'm at a loss because not only is my 20-year marriage ending from a man I realized I never really knew, but that I also have to leave my home, career, family, and even my dog. It's hurting me worse though that I have to leave my son behind. Yes , he's technically an adult, but he still needs help navigating his new post-high school world. We've never spent more than a few days apart since he was born.
I'm decent at writing, but suck at verbal articulation. Help me please.
TLDR: Sorry, can't make this shorter without all the info and context. Scroll on if you're a bigot or not interested. Thanks. ✌️
Update: I appreciate the comments and advice. I even appreciated some of the comments that gave me something more to think about from the other POV. The rest of you just can't help but spread your misinformation and hate, can you? I asked you to scroll on, and like I expected, you couldn't help but burst through a crowd you weren't invited into. So predictable. But I digress.
My daughter and I had a talk this morning about taking her brother with us. She feels like I do; his attitude, his lack of respect (and his lack of respecting boundaries), is not the stressful environment either of us need with this move. I have not "written him off," as some of you suggested. I just can't let him continue to think his behavior is okay, and can't continue to let him think that just because we're family, it doesn't mean we will let him walk all over us. So no, he will not be coming with us. That would be assuming he'd want to come.
What I will do is be absolutely truthful with him while also acknowledging how he feels. Despite how he behaves sometimes, we do talk a lot. I will let him know that he can visit when he gets a few days off in a row from work, and that after a year (when a lease is usually up; we would need a bigger place if he decides to move), we'll talk about him moving in with us. He doesn't have to believe anything he doesn't want to. But he doesn't get to be rude or disrespectful (if he comes with us straight away, I'm certain this is how things will be). I will be available for video chat or calls whenever and will also be visiting often. I feel like, because he thinks he knows how life works now (that 18-y-o ego has kicked in), that he needs this time away from me to figure some things out. His dad will mostly leave him be and let him do his thing. When all is said and done, and I know most of you won't agree with this, but that's okay, my husband isn't a "bad" person. Misguided, indoctrinated, ignorant, sure, and willfully so. He's certainly not an angel, but he isn't abusive and doesn’t walk around spouting hate. He hasn't treated our daughter any differently, but he just doesn't want her expressing herself through clothing and such, so she's still essentially hiding and reaping the consequences of that. He has not and will not talk to her about it at all because it makes him uncomfortable, and he has a severe aversion to conflict and uncomfortable discussions. I am certain my son will be fine, even if he is upset at first, and can be okay with his father.
I am taking the suggestions that stated I should write letters. I will definitely do that and have them handy when I approach each family member about this.
We will be having some hard conversations this week and next week and will be moving around the middle of June. I'll provide an update when the dust settles. Thank y'all. ✌️
submitted by secretsocietyofsalt to redditonwiki [link] [comments]
Some context: My daughter (mtf16) has been out to the family for around 2 1/2 years now (I've known something was different about her since she was a toddler). My husband and son (18) doesn't accept her. I'm also in a very red town in a very red state that is very anti-trans (so bad that an online mob doxxed a trans girl nearby a few months ago and threatened her, her family, and her place of employment with bomb and death threats). This is on top of teachers deliberately misgendering and dead-naming because they don't have to respect trans students. She doesn't really get outright bullied, but snide slurs and comments are made randomly a few times a week. She dresses neutral, so as not to draw attention, she sticks with her small group of friends, and generally keeps her head down because being herself at school, home, anywhere, just gets met with hate and disgust.
She's in therapy, but there's only so much that can be done as long as she keeps being forced to hide herself. There are no rights or protections for her, and I see this weighing heavily on her. She has lost interest in most things she used to love, rarely smiles anymore, and just doesn't care about passing school or even brushing her teeth. She's on the max dose of meds for severe depression.
My husband's solution is to ignore it. Our "son" has a mental illness is all. God made us with penises and vaginas for a reason, and if we ignore it, maybe it will go away.
I've tried giving him the science behind being trans. I've tried to give him multiple resources-scientific, religious, anecdotal (this is an experience as a trans child stuff)- but he refuses to look at any of it and claims the Bible is all he needs. We've even been to couple's therapy.
To keep from going into more detail, I'll just say that I realized some months ago what I needed to do: I was going to have to leave the state with my child. She won't make it to adulthood if I don't.
Now to my son (18). He graduates from high school this week. He was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder around 10/11 years old. His major difficulty is disseminating information. If something requires multiple steps, he can't remember or take in all the steps at one time. He also has some other typical signs of ASD like anxiety, especially when he's doing something new or has a change in routine.
And he doesn't accept that his sibling is trans either. Just like his father, he repeats the religious talking points. We have a good relationship otherwise. But if I try to provide information on any subject he disagrees with, he just dismisses it with religious or political talking points that he's heard from others, mainly his dad and older half-brother. He's been dismissive and disrespectful of me as well. I didn't realize until recently that it is the same way my husband treats me. It's the passing down of the fucking patriarchy. My husband didn't have much of a hand in raising him through the hard stuff (discipline, for one; his dad never disciplined and wouldn't back me up, and instead would treat me as if my discipline of my child was a sibling rivalry). But apparently just seeing our relationship in motion convinced my son that's how things should be.
I feel like I failed my son. I've tried to tell him that his attitude and outlook will hurt his future relationships (they have already had an effect on some recent ladies he's dated). And I don't think he gets that his attitude about trans people will (and probably already has) put a rift between him and his sister. I know they love each other and despite his misgendering, they laugh together and still game together. But when my daughter decides she doesn't want to put up with the disrespect anymore, that will put an end to any reconciliation.
At this point, with his attitude, taking him with us isn't an option. My daughter needs to feel open and safe in order to flourish and reach her full potential. I want to see her love life again, and that can't include anyone in the household who invalidates her existence.
When I go, I know my husband will likely bad-mouth me. I know can't control what my son thinks and feels, and he will probably be hurt that he can't go with us and/or that I won't be close by. I apparently am not very good at persuasion and need some help with how to word that I'm leaving to save his sister's life. I want him to know that I love him and will talk with him anytime, but I feel like he should get a footing in the world without me for a while. At the same time, he'll be hearing the anti-trans, ultra-conservative crap from his dad and brother. I don't want to lose him. My heart has already been through hell.
What do I need to say to him to show him that if there is a God, God doesn't give two fiddly fucks about genitals and that just because he doesn't understand something, doesn't mean he can't be respectful and supportive. How do I tell him that I'm not "leaving him," I'm leaving to save my daughter's life? I want him to understand the gravity of the situation, and that dysphoria is not a "mental illness." It relays who a trans person really is. I'm at a loss because not only is my 20-year marriage ending from a man I realized I never really knew, but that I also have to leave my home, career, family, and even my dog. It's hurting me worse though that I have to leave my son behind. Yes , he's technically an adult, but he still needs help navigating his new post-high school world. We've never spent more than a few days apart since he was born.
I'm decent at writing, but suck at verbal articulation. Help me please.
TLDR: Sorry, can't make this shorter without all the info and context. Scroll on if you're a bigot or not interested. Thanks. ✌️
Update: I appreciate the comments and advice. I even appreciated some of the comments that gave me something more to think about from the other POV. The rest of you just can't help but spread your misinformation and hate, can you? I asked you to scroll on, and like I expected, you couldn't help but burst through a crowd you weren't invited into. So predictable. But I digress.
My daughter and I had a talk this morning about taking her brother with us. She feels like I do; his attitude, his lack of respect (and his lack of respecting boundaries), is not the stressful environment either of us need with this move. I have not "written him off," as some of you suggested. I just can't let him continue to think his behavior is okay, and can't continue to let him think that just because we're family, it doesn't mean we will let him walk all over us. So no, he will not be coming with us. That would be assuming he'd want to come.
What I will do is be absolutely truthful with him while also acknowledging how he feels. Despite how he behaves sometimes, we do talk a lot. I will let him know that he can visit when he gets a few days off in a row from work, and that after a year (when a lease is usually up; we would need a bigger place if he decides to move), we'll talk about him moving in with us. He doesn't have to believe anything he doesn't want to. But he doesn't get to be rude or disrespectful (if he comes with us straight away, I'm certain this is how things will be). I will be available for video chat or calls whenever and will also be visiting often. I feel like, because he thinks he knows how life works now (that 18-y-o ego has kicked in), that he needs this time away from me to figure some things out. His dad will mostly leave him be and let him do his thing. When all is said and done, and I know most of you won't agree with this, but that's okay, my husband isn't a "bad" person. Misguided, indoctrinated, ignorant, sure, and willfully so. He's certainly not an angel, but he isn't abusive and doesn’t walk around spouting hate. He hasn't treated our daughter any differently, but he just doesn't want her expressing herself through clothing and such, so she's still essentially hiding and reaping the consequences of that. He has not and will not talk to her about it at all because it makes him uncomfortable, and he has a severe aversion to conflict and uncomfortable discussions. I am certain my son will be fine, even if he is upset at first, and can be okay with his father.
I am taking the suggestions that stated I should write letters. I will definitely do that and have them handy when I approach each family member about this.
We will be having some hard conversations this week and next week and will be moving around the middle of June. I'll provide an update when the dust settles. Thank y'all. ✌️
2024.05.14 11:52 MirkWorks Notes on Recent Episode I
Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to what is actually being said over the course of the 2 hour long episode. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]
submitted by MirkWorks to u/MirkWorks [link] [comments]
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to what is actually being said over the course of the 2 hour long episode. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]
2024.05.10 17:30 Em_ber_4462 Vaginal PRP study update
I did this study yesterday and am reporting back now in case anyone else is interested. It's being done at the Medstar hospital in DC that's run by Georgetown University. Here's the link: Study Details Vaginal Injection of Platelet Rich Plasma for Sexual Function ClinicalTrials.gov
Essentially, participants will get a blood draw and then get 3 separate injections in the upper vaginal wall. The shots will either be platelet rich plasma (from the blood draw) or saline (the control). Patients don't know which treatment they are receiving.
My big disclaimer for anyone interested is that they don't actually use topical lidocaine like the study posting said. The doctor who did the shots for me said they decided to not use lidocaine because the area of the vagina they inject isn't very sensitive, and that most of the pain would be from the liquid of the injection stretching the skin, which lidocaine apparently wouldn't be helpful for.
I was nervous when I heard that but decided to go through with it anyways in case I was getting the PRP. It ended up being very painful (at least a 5/10 for me) and I was surprised by how much I bled. When she took the speculum out I felt the blood come pulsing down my butt for a couple seconds and there was a decent-sized puddle under me when I got up. The doctor said most patients bleed a little and report their pain level as a 3 or 4, so maybe I am an outlier but I kind of doubt it.
If anyone on here decides to do the study, I would absolutely recommend bringing your own lidocaine if you have it. I think the study is a great idea in theory; I just think they should have planned better for the pain management aspect. Hopefully if PRP starts being used as a treatment in regular gyn settings they will use lidocaine or nerve blocks as a standard pain management!
submitted by Em_ber_4462 to vulvodynia [link] [comments]
Essentially, participants will get a blood draw and then get 3 separate injections in the upper vaginal wall. The shots will either be platelet rich plasma (from the blood draw) or saline (the control). Patients don't know which treatment they are receiving.
My big disclaimer for anyone interested is that they don't actually use topical lidocaine like the study posting said. The doctor who did the shots for me said they decided to not use lidocaine because the area of the vagina they inject isn't very sensitive, and that most of the pain would be from the liquid of the injection stretching the skin, which lidocaine apparently wouldn't be helpful for.
I was nervous when I heard that but decided to go through with it anyways in case I was getting the PRP. It ended up being very painful (at least a 5/10 for me) and I was surprised by how much I bled. When she took the speculum out I felt the blood come pulsing down my butt for a couple seconds and there was a decent-sized puddle under me when I got up. The doctor said most patients bleed a little and report their pain level as a 3 or 4, so maybe I am an outlier but I kind of doubt it.
If anyone on here decides to do the study, I would absolutely recommend bringing your own lidocaine if you have it. I think the study is a great idea in theory; I just think they should have planned better for the pain management aspect. Hopefully if PRP starts being used as a treatment in regular gyn settings they will use lidocaine or nerve blocks as a standard pain management!
2024.05.10 04:59 moralmeemo 20 [nb4a] #ohio - punk tomboy looking for frens!
PLEASEEE READ THE WHOLE THING. Hey, my name’s Alex! I’m a they/them lesbian tomboy thing who lives in the Midwest. I’m from the terrible state of Ohio and I’d love to meet some people from here or the surrounding area!
I’m pretty much your generic woodland witch sort of person xD personality wise I’m basically Charlie (it’s always sunny) and Nimona rolled into one. My hobbies include drawing and going outside. I love being out in nature! I love all things earthy; I collect bones, skulls, teeth, herbs, flowers, rocks, bugs, everything! Even acorns xD so I’m kinda like a crow in that sense. Vulture Culture is my jam.
I also love animals! My goal is to become a zoologist. I’ve hung out with wildlife and I know lots of random animal facts. Horses are really cool too, but I don’t know how to ride them ;w; I plan on starting equine therapy soon tho. homesteading is another one of my goals! I want to have a small farm and some animals, including exotic species. Speaking of, I love reptiles and amphibians too! I really like that Froggy and mushroom aesthetic.
We could go to the mall or the museum, we could go hiking, we could stargaze, even just staying home and watching tv would be fine with me :) Im also into anime and other adult animated shows too. I also loooove to have movie nights! I like watching stuff like Coraline, Lion King, all that shit xD also if you’re into JoJos Bizarre Adventure (specifically p5!) then I will never stop rambling about it and my undying love for Bruno. Super into music, especially rock. Let’s send songs back and forth!
I live with my roomie, we’re fandom trash and furries- I’m not into the yiff stuff, though. All I do is draw edgy dawg OCs and I think animal costumes are fun xD sorry if that ruined it. and we have a crackhead cat. We don’t smoke or drink, but I occasionally use edibles and mushy bois. Also I will cook for you and bake you cookiessssbdhbd
I’m petite, I have dyed hair and piercings, and I’m somewhat androgynous! I’m super short and can bite yer ankles. >:3
Not really looking for a hookup or date. I’m single but recovering from a breakup. That being said, I only wanna kiss-kiss with folks who have a vagina and aren’t men! I’m non-binary, btw! On another note, I’m demisexual, so I don’t really want to do anything lewd. For what it’s worth though, I’m a switch lol and my “type” is literally any sort of alt. I love butches and masc/androgynous folks. Short hair, piercings, tattoos, all of that stuff is so pretty to me!
I’d say a good age range is 18-30.
Please nobody with kids or who wants kids in the immediate future (I can’t care for a plant, much less a baby!) no couples. I ain’t down with that. I am NOT poly, please stop askingggsgsg Again, please don’t message me with gross intentions. I DO check accounts. I will ignore messages like “hi” or “hru”. I want to talk to people who actually type out messages and don’t just send short texts.
submitted by moralmeemo to r4r [link] [comments]
I’m pretty much your generic woodland witch sort of person xD personality wise I’m basically Charlie (it’s always sunny) and Nimona rolled into one. My hobbies include drawing and going outside. I love being out in nature! I love all things earthy; I collect bones, skulls, teeth, herbs, flowers, rocks, bugs, everything! Even acorns xD so I’m kinda like a crow in that sense. Vulture Culture is my jam.
I also love animals! My goal is to become a zoologist. I’ve hung out with wildlife and I know lots of random animal facts. Horses are really cool too, but I don’t know how to ride them ;w; I plan on starting equine therapy soon tho. homesteading is another one of my goals! I want to have a small farm and some animals, including exotic species. Speaking of, I love reptiles and amphibians too! I really like that Froggy and mushroom aesthetic.
We could go to the mall or the museum, we could go hiking, we could stargaze, even just staying home and watching tv would be fine with me :) Im also into anime and other adult animated shows too. I also loooove to have movie nights! I like watching stuff like Coraline, Lion King, all that shit xD also if you’re into JoJos Bizarre Adventure (specifically p5!) then I will never stop rambling about it and my undying love for Bruno. Super into music, especially rock. Let’s send songs back and forth!
I live with my roomie, we’re fandom trash and furries- I’m not into the yiff stuff, though. All I do is draw edgy dawg OCs and I think animal costumes are fun xD sorry if that ruined it. and we have a crackhead cat. We don’t smoke or drink, but I occasionally use edibles and mushy bois. Also I will cook for you and bake you cookiessssbdhbd
I’m petite, I have dyed hair and piercings, and I’m somewhat androgynous! I’m super short and can bite yer ankles. >:3
Not really looking for a hookup or date. I’m single but recovering from a breakup. That being said, I only wanna kiss-kiss with folks who have a vagina and aren’t men! I’m non-binary, btw! On another note, I’m demisexual, so I don’t really want to do anything lewd. For what it’s worth though, I’m a switch lol and my “type” is literally any sort of alt. I love butches and masc/androgynous folks. Short hair, piercings, tattoos, all of that stuff is so pretty to me!
I’d say a good age range is 18-30.
Please nobody with kids or who wants kids in the immediate future (I can’t care for a plant, much less a baby!) no couples. I ain’t down with that. I am NOT poly, please stop askingggsgsg Again, please don’t message me with gross intentions. I DO check accounts. I will ignore messages like “hi” or “hru”. I want to talk to people who actually type out messages and don’t just send short texts.
2024.05.08 21:52 Icy_Tadpole_6 So I read "Coming of age in Karhide" and I'm more confused than before.
Hi. I started into Le Guin's works with "The left hand of darkness" a pair of years ago.
I love the world she created, how realistic and well connected are the different aspects of Winter's weather and geography with the culture (specially technology progress) and biology of its civilization.
Searching to discover more about this planet, I read this tale that tell us the story of two gethenian kids who are gonna enter in their first kemmer (sexual heat) and becoming adults in their society's eyes.
I liked the story, but disliked many of its details: promiscuos sex being called "love" and of course incest and grow-up guys turning on or having sex with kids... yeah, there isn't abuse or obligation because these "humans" happily have consent sex with each other, rape doesn't exist... but it still super gross, let's no deny it.
Anyhow, the matter that triggered my confusion was the physical apearence of Winter's people down-body parts: In Left Hand we learn they're sequential hermaprodites, taking a "male" or "female" form thanks to the pheromones of the members of the "opposite sex" around and their own personality traits, while looking like perfect androgines the rest of the time.
Estraven commenting that Ai looked so vulnerable even physically, since his human viril genitals are exposed in that frozen world, makes me understand that winternians don't manifest theirs till the kemmer.
Althougth, in this tale Sov explains how her-his genitals are painfuly development for her-his first kemmer, being swallon and visible. Perfectly understandable, because puberty is coming and having your noble-parts burning like bited by wasps seems a normal consequence.
But for the way Sov is telling how her-his labia hurts now while peeing, meaning this part of her-his anatomy was always visible.
Later, once Sov starts the kemmer ritual in the kemmer-house, becomes into a "female" thanks to the chef of her-his clan (who happens to be her-his own dad!), but surprisingly tells how her-his clitopenis gets very erected in the process.
So... the final picture that all these new info draws it's that winternians genitals are partially exposed out of kemmer season, and that once in kemmer they posses both an enlarged clito-penis and functional vagina, as was Sov's case.
It's that right or I just got wrong in my conclusions? Did Ursula give more important information about winternians biology?
submitted by Icy_Tadpole_6 to UrsulaKLeGuin [link] [comments]
I love the world she created, how realistic and well connected are the different aspects of Winter's weather and geography with the culture (specially technology progress) and biology of its civilization.
Searching to discover more about this planet, I read this tale that tell us the story of two gethenian kids who are gonna enter in their first kemmer (sexual heat) and becoming adults in their society's eyes.
I liked the story, but disliked many of its details: promiscuos sex being called "love" and of course incest and grow-up guys turning on or having sex with kids... yeah, there isn't abuse or obligation because these "humans" happily have consent sex with each other, rape doesn't exist... but it still super gross, let's no deny it.
Anyhow, the matter that triggered my confusion was the physical apearence of Winter's people down-body parts: In Left Hand we learn they're sequential hermaprodites, taking a "male" or "female" form thanks to the pheromones of the members of the "opposite sex" around and their own personality traits, while looking like perfect androgines the rest of the time.
Estraven commenting that Ai looked so vulnerable even physically, since his human viril genitals are exposed in that frozen world, makes me understand that winternians don't manifest theirs till the kemmer.
Althougth, in this tale Sov explains how her-his genitals are painfuly development for her-his first kemmer, being swallon and visible. Perfectly understandable, because puberty is coming and having your noble-parts burning like bited by wasps seems a normal consequence.
But for the way Sov is telling how her-his labia hurts now while peeing, meaning this part of her-his anatomy was always visible.
Later, once Sov starts the kemmer ritual in the kemmer-house, becomes into a "female" thanks to the chef of her-his clan (who happens to be her-his own dad!), but surprisingly tells how her-his clitopenis gets very erected in the process.
So... the final picture that all these new info draws it's that winternians genitals are partially exposed out of kemmer season, and that once in kemmer they posses both an enlarged clito-penis and functional vagina, as was Sov's case.
It's that right or I just got wrong in my conclusions? Did Ursula give more important information about winternians biology?
2024.05.06 05:19 kylaroma How to *safely* use Boric Acid for yeast infections & BV
It’s the beginner tutorial you’ve been looking for!
After being the unenthusiastic host to a persistent yeast infection, I was excited to learn about Boric Acid as a potential treatment.
But it was incredibly hard to find information anywhere on Reddit about how to use it in a gentle way that minimizes side effects - especially when your vagina is already inflamed and sensitive.
I finally found some really useful, specific tips on a website I’ll link to in the comments below, in case they help someone else:
This is critical, and prevents the BA from burning because as you know, when we have inflammation, even our own discharge, urine and period tend to burn.
Monitor your symptoms closely - most users do not need more than this. Immediately stop if your symptoms stop, if it hurts, or if you experience bleeding.
If you absolutely need to use more, take 1-2 days off before starting again.
When we have inflammation our goal is to desensitize and heal the surrounding tissues, so you need a gentle approach as too much can cause you to go backwards.
Using too much will cause bleeding, more irritation, and can damage the tissues. No one should use it for 14 days in a row, aside for people in extremely rare situations.
This indicates internal inflammation and should be checked by your doctor. Period spotting is rarely a concern. Boric acid doesn't cause bleeding from healthy tissues and it can't trigger your period.
And lastly, we can't talk about vaginal & vulva health without giving some attention to our gut health and diet. Some women have reported great success with eliminating certain feed and beverage groups. Coffee, tea and alcohol are known bladder irritants. Sugar is also implicated in flaring up inflammation. Our gut health including being constipated often directly affects what goes on with our vaginal health. One woman in our group reported complete turn around with her vaginal pain after she tried a low oxylate diet. Another reported that her deep and continuous vaginal burning stopped within 2 weeks of ingesting Evening Primrose Oil capsules. Ask your dr if any of these might be appropriate for you before trying.
Ureaplasma and Mycoplasma need to be tested by a PCR test as they can't grow in a culture. There are 4 strains that all need to be requested. We can help you to navigate the hurdles involved in getting tested correctly.
Cytolytic Vaginosis presents as thrush but isn't. Boric Acid will not help if you are dealing with CV. This requires a different approach and we have a few fact sheets on dealing with CV.
Boric Acid is considered to be diagnostic so please never think it's just not working and ignore your symptoms. We know of too many women who were told that this was their new normal when in fact they were just not tested properly.
—-
I’ll do my best to answer questions, and if you’re a pro, please jump in with your answers or tips!
submitted by kylaroma to Healthyhooha [link] [comments]
After being the unenthusiastic host to a persistent yeast infection, I was excited to learn about Boric Acid as a potential treatment.
But it was incredibly hard to find information anywhere on Reddit about how to use it in a gentle way that minimizes side effects - especially when your vagina is already inflamed and sensitive.
I finally found some really useful, specific tips on a website I’ll link to in the comments below, in case they help someone else:
The basics of how to use Boric Acid safely, with minimal side effects
1) Use a barrier cream
We highly recommend using Desitin's maximum strength 40% zinc (with a panty liner) to create a thick barrier for your skin.This is critical, and prevents the BA from burning because as you know, when we have inflammation, even our own discharge, urine and period tend to burn.
2) Insert the Boric acid suppository as high as possible into the vagina
When it's placed (comfortably) high it tends to be less irritating. Many users report that an applicator is ideal for this purpose.(3) Following the full length of treatment on the bottle can injure you - go MUCH slower, and take breaks
Start by using Boric Acid suppositories for 1 to 3 days maximum.Monitor your symptoms closely - most users do not need more than this. Immediately stop if your symptoms stop, if it hurts, or if you experience bleeding.
If you absolutely need to use more, take 1-2 days off before starting again.
When we have inflammation our goal is to desensitize and heal the surrounding tissues, so you need a gentle approach as too much can cause you to go backwards.
Using too much will cause bleeding, more irritation, and can damage the tissues. No one should use it for 14 days in a row, aside for people in extremely rare situations.
(4) Care for your uncomfortable outer tissue
You can: - Apply hydrocortisone cream on the outside tissues, under the barrier cream, to help to reduce inflammation and swelling. - Soak in a bath with a small amount of baking soda. Please take extra care to be gentle with drying or wiping etc. - After going to the bathroom, just pat down gently never rub.(5) If peeing is painful:
Draw a small tub, or use a container as a sits bath, lower your labia into the water and then pee. This dilutes the urine and carries it away from the skin, so it will not sting.(6) Pain needs to be managed or it can become its own illness
Pain management is essential. You deserve to hav your pain minimised as much as possible.- Use whatever is in your power and appropriate to treat your pain, be it prescribed pain medications eg Gabapentin or nortriptyline, OTC ones, using a tens machine, sleeping pills to help you sleep, numbing cream, electric heat pack, ice pack, baths etc. Manage that pain because this is part of self-care.
- For some women taking an antihistamine can help by reducing itch and inflammation. We believe that an antihistamine can work in cases where the body is experiencing an allergic response to the thrush. This can occur even in cases of the thrush being subclinical
(7) Bleeding
If you have any other reactions (Eg non-period bleeding) then please stop and seek medical advice.This indicates internal inflammation and should be checked by your doctor. Period spotting is rarely a concern. Boric acid doesn't cause bleeding from healthy tissues and it can't trigger your period.
(8) Ongoing itch and pain
Sensations like an itch or burning are pain responses and can be caused by a pelvic floor dysfunction issue. Some women benefit from seeing a pelvic floor therapist which can help to relieve these nerve responses.Full article is linked in the comments & includes fact sheets in this section
And lastly, we can't talk about vaginal & vulva health without giving some attention to our gut health and diet. Some women have reported great success with eliminating certain feed and beverage groups. Coffee, tea and alcohol are known bladder irritants. Sugar is also implicated in flaring up inflammation. Our gut health including being constipated often directly affects what goes on with our vaginal health. One woman in our group reported complete turn around with her vaginal pain after she tried a low oxylate diet. Another reported that her deep and continuous vaginal burning stopped within 2 weeks of ingesting Evening Primrose Oil capsules. Ask your dr if any of these might be appropriate for you before trying.
(9) What if the Boric Acid isn't working?
If the BA is not working for your thrush or BV as it should eg your symptoms bounce back straight away, please get tested for other things going on. E.g. STI's including Mycoplasma, Ureaplasma and co-infections etc.Ureaplasma and Mycoplasma need to be tested by a PCR test as they can't grow in a culture. There are 4 strains that all need to be requested. We can help you to navigate the hurdles involved in getting tested correctly.
Cytolytic Vaginosis presents as thrush but isn't. Boric Acid will not help if you are dealing with CV. This requires a different approach and we have a few fact sheets on dealing with CV.
Boric Acid is considered to be diagnostic so please never think it's just not working and ignore your symptoms. We know of too many women who were told that this was their new normal when in fact they were just not tested properly.
—-
Reminder:
I am not the author, I’ve summarized this from a website that was helpful to me. Links aren’t allowed in posts in this sub, so I’ll share it in the comments below.I’ll do my best to answer questions, and if you’re a pro, please jump in with your answers or tips!
2024.05.06 05:13 kylaroma How to safely use Boric Acid for yeast infections & BV
After being the unenthusiastic host to a persistent yeast infection, I was excited to learn about Boric Acid as a potential treatment.
But it was incredibly hard to find information anywhere on Reddit about how to use it in a gentle way that minimizes side effects - especially when your vagina is already inflamed and sensitive.
I finally found some really useful, specific tips on a website I’ll link to in the comments below, in case they help someone else:
This is critical, and prevents the BA from burning because as you know, when we have inflammation, even our own discharge, urine and period tend to burn.
Monitor your symptoms closely - most users do not need more than this. Immediately stop if your symptoms stop, if it hurts, or if you experience bleeding.
If you absolutely need to use more, take 1-2 days off before starting again.
When we have inflammation our goal is to desensitize and heal the surrounding tissues, so you need a gentle approach as too much can cause you to go backwards.
Using too much will cause bleeding, more irritation, and can damage the tissues. No one should use it for 14 days in a row, aside for people in extremely rare situations.
This indicates internal inflammation and should be checked by your doctor. Period spotting is rarely a concern. Boric acid doesn't cause bleeding from healthy tissues and it can't trigger your period.
Sensations like an itch or burning are pain responses and can be caused by a pelvic floor dysfunction issue. Some women benefit from seeing a pelvic floor therapist which can help to relieve these nerve responses.
And lastly, we can't talk about vaginal & vulva health without giving some attention to our gut health and diet. Some women have reported great success with eliminating certain feed and beverage groups. Coffee, tea and alcohol are known bladder irritants. Sugar is also implicated in flaring up inflammation. Our gut health including being constipated often directly affects what goes on with our vaginal health. One woman in our group reported complete turn around with her vaginal pain after she tried a low oxylate diet. Another reported that her deep and continuous vaginal burning stopped within 2 weeks of ingesting Evening Primrose Oil capsules. Ask your dr if any of these might be appropriate for you before trying.
Ureaplasma and Mycoplasma need to be tested by a PCR test as they can't grow in a culture. We have a fact sheet on the Plasmas https://www.serenityph.com/post/guide-to-dealing-with-ureaplasma There are 4 strains that all need to be requested. We can help you to navigate the hurdles involved in getting tested correctly.
Cytolytic Vaginosis presents as thrush but isn't. Boric Acid will not help if you are dealing with CV. This requires a different approach and we have a few fact sheets on dealing with CV.
Boric Acid is considered to be diagnostic so please never think it's just not working and ignore your symptoms. We know of too many women who were told that this was their new normal when in fact they were just not tested properly.
—-
I’ll do my best to answer questions, and if you’re a pro, please jump in with your answers or tips!
submitted by kylaroma to Healthyhooha [link] [comments]
But it was incredibly hard to find information anywhere on Reddit about how to use it in a gentle way that minimizes side effects - especially when your vagina is already inflamed and sensitive.
I finally found some really useful, specific tips on a website I’ll link to in the comments below, in case they help someone else:
The basics of how to use Boric Acid safely, with minimal side effects
1) Use a barrier cream
We highly recommend using Desitin's maximum strength 40% zinc (with a panty liner) to create a thick barrier for your skin.This is critical, and prevents the BA from burning because as you know, when we have inflammation, even our own discharge, urine and period tend to burn.
2) Insert the Boric acid suppository as high as possible into the vagina
When it's placed (comfortably) high it tends to be less irritating. Many users report that an applicator is ideal for this purpose.(3) Following the full length of treatment on the bottle can injure you - go MUCH slower, and take breaks
Start by using Boric Acid suppositories for 1 to 3 days maximum.Monitor your symptoms closely - most users do not need more than this. Immediately stop if your symptoms stop, if it hurts, or if you experience bleeding.
If you absolutely need to use more, take 1-2 days off before starting again.
When we have inflammation our goal is to desensitize and heal the surrounding tissues, so you need a gentle approach as too much can cause you to go backwards.
Using too much will cause bleeding, more irritation, and can damage the tissues. No one should use it for 14 days in a row, aside for people in extremely rare situations.
(4) Care for your uncomfortable outer tissue
You can: - Apply hydrocortisone cream on the outside tissues, under the barrier cream, to help to reduce inflammation and swelling. - Soak in a bath with a small amount of baking soda. Please take extra care to be gentle with drying or wiping etc. - After going to the bathroom, just pat down gently never rub.(5) If peeing is painful:
Draw a small tub, or use a container as a sits bath, lower your labia into the water and then pee. This dilutes the urine and carries it away from the skin, so it will not sting.(6) Pain needs to be managed or it can become its own illness
Pain management is essential. You deserve to hav your pain minimised as much as possible.- Use whatever is in your power and appropriate to treat your pain, be it prescribed pain medications eg Gabapentin or nortriptyline, OTC ones, using a tens machine, sleeping pills to help you sleep, numbing cream, electric heat pack, ice pack, baths etc. Manage that pain because this is part of self-care.
- For some women taking an antihistamine can help by reducing itch and inflammation. We believe that an antihistamine can work in cases where the body is experiencing an allergic response to the thrush. This can occur even in cases of the thrush being subclinical
(7) Bleeding
If you have any other reactions (Eg non-period bleeding) then please stop and seek medical advice.This indicates internal inflammation and should be checked by your doctor. Period spotting is rarely a concern. Boric acid doesn't cause bleeding from healthy tissues and it can't trigger your period.
(8) Ongoing itch and pain
Self-care instructions from the MSCS: https://www.mshc.org.au/sexual-health/sexual-health-fact-sheets/genital-skin-care-fact-sheetSensations like an itch or burning are pain responses and can be caused by a pelvic floor dysfunction issue. Some women benefit from seeing a pelvic floor therapist which can help to relieve these nerve responses.
And lastly, we can't talk about vaginal & vulva health without giving some attention to our gut health and diet. Some women have reported great success with eliminating certain feed and beverage groups. Coffee, tea and alcohol are known bladder irritants. Sugar is also implicated in flaring up inflammation. Our gut health including being constipated often directly affects what goes on with our vaginal health. One woman in our group reported complete turn around with her vaginal pain after she tried a low oxylate diet. Another reported that her deep and continuous vaginal burning stopped within 2 weeks of ingesting Evening Primrose Oil capsules. Ask your dr if any of these might be appropriate for you before trying.
(6) What if the Boric Acid isn't working?
If the BA is not working for your thrush or BV as it should eg your symptoms bounce back straight away, please get tested for other things going on. E.g. STI's including Mycoplasma, Ureaplasma and co-infections etc.Ureaplasma and Mycoplasma need to be tested by a PCR test as they can't grow in a culture. We have a fact sheet on the Plasmas https://www.serenityph.com/post/guide-to-dealing-with-ureaplasma There are 4 strains that all need to be requested. We can help you to navigate the hurdles involved in getting tested correctly.
Cytolytic Vaginosis presents as thrush but isn't. Boric Acid will not help if you are dealing with CV. This requires a different approach and we have a few fact sheets on dealing with CV.
Boric Acid is considered to be diagnostic so please never think it's just not working and ignore your symptoms. We know of too many women who were told that this was their new normal when in fact they were just not tested properly.
—-
Reminder:
I am not the author, I’ve summarized this from a website that was helpful to me. Links aren’t allowed in posts in this sub, so I’ll share it in the comments below.I’ll do my best to answer questions, and if you’re a pro, please jump in with your answers or tips!
2024.05.02 23:47 BiggestDaddySatan A teacher forced me to have sex with students in front of the classroom and my parents dont know
TRIGGER WARNING S/A!!!
Ok so the title is basically it. For context i am now 17 and the teacher is in jail for abuse but no one knows about the s/a. So my kindergarten teacher, mrs. Rachel (ru-shell) was very abusive towards all her students. She had a paddle that had nails on it and holes in it that she beat kids with, she had pills and drugs and alcohol with her everyday and forced kids to eat or drink them, and she had a closet and forced kids to sit in their for hours on end. I remember one time she got mad at this boy and broke his arm, she didnt allow us to play at recess but she let us this day bc she made him fall off the slide and act like he broke his arm bc of the fall. I was the star kid bc i didnt wanna get in trouble but i was still verbally abused by her, we were drawing one day and i colored the pirates skin green and she said that i was stupid and it looked ugly and i should know what skin looks like. We were assigned homework everyday and one day i had to go to a funeral and i forgot to do my homework, since i nv made mistakes before she was extra mad that i messed up. She put me in the closet for a few hours and 2 boys were throwing paper airplanes so she caught them and screamed and yelled at them for playing with paper airplanes and threw them in with me and about and hour later you can hear her saying something like “all you kids need to learn something” and she opened the door to the closet and told me and the 2 boys to come out and stand in front of the classroom, u can see where this is going. She went on a rant about respect and we need to learn our lesson and told me and the 2 boys to get naked, we were hesitant but we eventually did what she said. From there she told the 2 boys to stick their 🍆 into my mouth and vagina. Mind you were about 4-6 years old so we didnt know what to do and she got mad and forced one of the boys 🍆 into my mouth and vagina. I dont remember much pain or anything it was just traumatic. Not long after that in may i snitched on her to my parents saying she was abusive and beat kids and we told the principal and she was fired and arrested, her husband divorced her bc he found out she was doing the same to their kids and they moved to texas from what i remember. Me and the 2 boys made a silent packed to nv speak of it again. To this day i have done so and told only 2 ppl. I will not tell my parents this bc later in life i was s/a again and i told my mother and she blamed it on my father bc i lived with him, my father will prob nv know bc i dont want him to end up in jail. The teacher is still in jail to this day, i dont remember how long her sentence was but ik it was more than 20 years.
Yes this story is true, i get it may seem crazy and like “theres not way” but i can promise u that this story is very much real. I do not want ppl telling me to tell my parents about this bc it will not go well. Im ok now and do not have problems talking about it and i even laugh on certain things. I suffered no internal issues from this.
submitted by BiggestDaddySatan to confessions [link] [comments]
Ok so the title is basically it. For context i am now 17 and the teacher is in jail for abuse but no one knows about the s/a. So my kindergarten teacher, mrs. Rachel (ru-shell) was very abusive towards all her students. She had a paddle that had nails on it and holes in it that she beat kids with, she had pills and drugs and alcohol with her everyday and forced kids to eat or drink them, and she had a closet and forced kids to sit in their for hours on end. I remember one time she got mad at this boy and broke his arm, she didnt allow us to play at recess but she let us this day bc she made him fall off the slide and act like he broke his arm bc of the fall. I was the star kid bc i didnt wanna get in trouble but i was still verbally abused by her, we were drawing one day and i colored the pirates skin green and she said that i was stupid and it looked ugly and i should know what skin looks like. We were assigned homework everyday and one day i had to go to a funeral and i forgot to do my homework, since i nv made mistakes before she was extra mad that i messed up. She put me in the closet for a few hours and 2 boys were throwing paper airplanes so she caught them and screamed and yelled at them for playing with paper airplanes and threw them in with me and about and hour later you can hear her saying something like “all you kids need to learn something” and she opened the door to the closet and told me and the 2 boys to come out and stand in front of the classroom, u can see where this is going. She went on a rant about respect and we need to learn our lesson and told me and the 2 boys to get naked, we were hesitant but we eventually did what she said. From there she told the 2 boys to stick their 🍆 into my mouth and vagina. Mind you were about 4-6 years old so we didnt know what to do and she got mad and forced one of the boys 🍆 into my mouth and vagina. I dont remember much pain or anything it was just traumatic. Not long after that in may i snitched on her to my parents saying she was abusive and beat kids and we told the principal and she was fired and arrested, her husband divorced her bc he found out she was doing the same to their kids and they moved to texas from what i remember. Me and the 2 boys made a silent packed to nv speak of it again. To this day i have done so and told only 2 ppl. I will not tell my parents this bc later in life i was s/a again and i told my mother and she blamed it on my father bc i lived with him, my father will prob nv know bc i dont want him to end up in jail. The teacher is still in jail to this day, i dont remember how long her sentence was but ik it was more than 20 years.
Yes this story is true, i get it may seem crazy and like “theres not way” but i can promise u that this story is very much real. I do not want ppl telling me to tell my parents about this bc it will not go well. Im ok now and do not have problems talking about it and i even laugh on certain things. I suffered no internal issues from this.
2024.05.01 11:16 Flaky_Ad_7989 Wanting some answers?
Around 2020, I was living in Miami, FL. Covid was in full swing. I became pregnant and it wasn't planned.
I ended up having a miscarriage around 12 weeks or so (sorry, my memory of this time isn't great). I began bleeding HEAVILY. I passed clots that filled the size of my hand. A tampon or pad would not last an hour before bleeding through my underwear through to my pants. When I would get up to walk to the bathroom, blood was dripping with each step onto the floor, through my clothes. It was uncontrollable.
Eventually I became incredibly pale and felt weak, and made the big decision to go to the emergency room at Mount Sinai. Remember, this was the first big wave of Covid in 2020. In Miami, nearly everything was shut down. We were told by EMS to try to hold off from going to the ER unless it's absolutely necessary. Covid patients filled the halls in make shift curtain rooms. The doctors, nurses, and whole medical staff were numb and exhausted. But I had to go.
I walked in, still gushing blood, just enough that it covered the floor and left bloody footprints where I walked. Interestingly enough, every patient has to go through the same check in process and wait in line, despite whatever condition. I was surprised that they wanted me to fill out paperwork as I'm nodding in and out.
Eventually I was taken to a bed to be transferred to another area. They put pads underneath me to absorb the blood. It felt like a puddle underneath me. They eventually measured my blood values and while I don't remember what they were off the top of my head, I do remember one of the nurses asking how I was still awake. My hematocrit was the lowest they've seen in someone still conscious.
So they began with the blood transfusions. They drew my blood every 4 hours to check my levels. As you can imagine, it really sucked. My veins began collapsing and so they had to find the less preferable locations on my body in order to get the blood draw.
Turns out, my values got EVEN lower after the first transfusion. I was losing blood too quickly. I believe I ended up getting 16 or 17 transfusions before I left the hospital after a week or two.
Here's what I want to know. Doctors and nurses at this hospital at this time were stretched very thin due to Covid. I asked around as much as I could to figure out why I am bleeding so much?
Was something wrong with me? Did something happen? I got ZERO answers. No one could tell me anything. The only answer that I ever received was from a sweet, Russian ultrasound tech. He performed my ultrasound and found a small fibroid in my uterus. He shrugged his shoulders at me and said, "That might be it". I never saw him again.
My assigned OBGYN was a man whose primary practice is performing labiaplasty. He was the only obgyn on site and I waited days to see him. He walked up to me in my room and I was so relieved to have finally got a doctor in the room! I thought, maybe I will get some answers!
Well GUESS WHAT. This dude hands me a brochure of all of the vagina plastic surgery procedures he does and asked if I would be interested. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I tried to bypass his brochure and pry and ask to see if he had ANY clues or idea what was going on with me. He responded with, "Birth control pill, oral, will work". He left and I didn't see him again. That's Miami for you.
Anyways, I thought I was going to die. The first transfusions weren't keeping up with the loss. I had to wear a stupid Covid mask, even in my sleep, which made the breathing harder. When you lose so much blood, your body gets anxious. Your respiratory rate increases and your heart rate increases to try and get oxygen throughout the body with limited blood supply.
To top it off, I was allowed no visitors at all. Not my family, my boyfriend, and friends. I was so alone.
Fast forward 4 years later...
Ive gotten very few answers or clear direction on what actually happened to me. My biggest concern, obviously, is unexpectedly bleeding out again in the future. I want to have children, too.
I moved back home from Miami to NC and went to get things checked out. My experience has been that doctors do a cbc blood test and a transvaginal ultrasound, say there's a fibroid, then send me on my way. Another doctor told me that I might have a bleeding disorder. I asked to be checked for it and she forgot to order the labs.
I really want some answers. It's so incredibly difficult to find women's health providers that are decent and thorough JUST ENOUGH to answer my questions. I'm all for preventative healthcare, but why is it so hard to get? I really don't want to hemorrhage out again, lose my job again, and foot another massive hospital bill without insurance because I had just started that new job. That was hell. I hope no one ever has to experience that.
So my question for you all. What do I do now? What tests do I ask for? How do I get some understanding as to what happened? What can I do to figure this out.
Much appreciated
submitted by Flaky_Ad_7989 to Miscarriage [link] [comments]
I ended up having a miscarriage around 12 weeks or so (sorry, my memory of this time isn't great). I began bleeding HEAVILY. I passed clots that filled the size of my hand. A tampon or pad would not last an hour before bleeding through my underwear through to my pants. When I would get up to walk to the bathroom, blood was dripping with each step onto the floor, through my clothes. It was uncontrollable.
Eventually I became incredibly pale and felt weak, and made the big decision to go to the emergency room at Mount Sinai. Remember, this was the first big wave of Covid in 2020. In Miami, nearly everything was shut down. We were told by EMS to try to hold off from going to the ER unless it's absolutely necessary. Covid patients filled the halls in make shift curtain rooms. The doctors, nurses, and whole medical staff were numb and exhausted. But I had to go.
I walked in, still gushing blood, just enough that it covered the floor and left bloody footprints where I walked. Interestingly enough, every patient has to go through the same check in process and wait in line, despite whatever condition. I was surprised that they wanted me to fill out paperwork as I'm nodding in and out.
Eventually I was taken to a bed to be transferred to another area. They put pads underneath me to absorb the blood. It felt like a puddle underneath me. They eventually measured my blood values and while I don't remember what they were off the top of my head, I do remember one of the nurses asking how I was still awake. My hematocrit was the lowest they've seen in someone still conscious.
So they began with the blood transfusions. They drew my blood every 4 hours to check my levels. As you can imagine, it really sucked. My veins began collapsing and so they had to find the less preferable locations on my body in order to get the blood draw.
Turns out, my values got EVEN lower after the first transfusion. I was losing blood too quickly. I believe I ended up getting 16 or 17 transfusions before I left the hospital after a week or two.
Here's what I want to know. Doctors and nurses at this hospital at this time were stretched very thin due to Covid. I asked around as much as I could to figure out why I am bleeding so much?
Was something wrong with me? Did something happen? I got ZERO answers. No one could tell me anything. The only answer that I ever received was from a sweet, Russian ultrasound tech. He performed my ultrasound and found a small fibroid in my uterus. He shrugged his shoulders at me and said, "That might be it". I never saw him again.
My assigned OBGYN was a man whose primary practice is performing labiaplasty. He was the only obgyn on site and I waited days to see him. He walked up to me in my room and I was so relieved to have finally got a doctor in the room! I thought, maybe I will get some answers!
Well GUESS WHAT. This dude hands me a brochure of all of the vagina plastic surgery procedures he does and asked if I would be interested. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I tried to bypass his brochure and pry and ask to see if he had ANY clues or idea what was going on with me. He responded with, "Birth control pill, oral, will work". He left and I didn't see him again. That's Miami for you.
Anyways, I thought I was going to die. The first transfusions weren't keeping up with the loss. I had to wear a stupid Covid mask, even in my sleep, which made the breathing harder. When you lose so much blood, your body gets anxious. Your respiratory rate increases and your heart rate increases to try and get oxygen throughout the body with limited blood supply.
To top it off, I was allowed no visitors at all. Not my family, my boyfriend, and friends. I was so alone.
Fast forward 4 years later...
Ive gotten very few answers or clear direction on what actually happened to me. My biggest concern, obviously, is unexpectedly bleeding out again in the future. I want to have children, too.
I moved back home from Miami to NC and went to get things checked out. My experience has been that doctors do a cbc blood test and a transvaginal ultrasound, say there's a fibroid, then send me on my way. Another doctor told me that I might have a bleeding disorder. I asked to be checked for it and she forgot to order the labs.
I really want some answers. It's so incredibly difficult to find women's health providers that are decent and thorough JUST ENOUGH to answer my questions. I'm all for preventative healthcare, but why is it so hard to get? I really don't want to hemorrhage out again, lose my job again, and foot another massive hospital bill without insurance because I had just started that new job. That was hell. I hope no one ever has to experience that.
So my question for you all. What do I do now? What tests do I ask for? How do I get some understanding as to what happened? What can I do to figure this out.
Much appreciated
2024.04.30 06:39 GunPistolgirl hate my classmate for this
so today my teacher told us that she is pregnant, and everyone congratulated her but there was an immature guy, his name is Aiden, he went to the board and he drew a baby boy with his dick in a woman's vagina, who looked like our teacher, with a sexual type expression. actually that is not the worst part, after that he wrote my name beside the drawing, i was like scared to death, i couldn't even move. then the teacher came in and saw the drawing, and i have this weird smile thing i do when i'm nervous, so she saw my smile and she thought i did it. then she started to lecture me in front of the class, she got emotional, she started talking about motherhood and womanhood, and how beautiful giving birth is, she start crying, i just looked down the whole time, like it wasn't even my fault but i still felt bad, i know its pathetic, that i couldn't even say anything, but that's what happend, i listened quietly then she said she gonna call my parents. But thankfully my parents believed me. i just feel so humiliated.
submitted by GunPistolgirl to teenagers [link] [comments]
2024.04.21 06:07 deepak93066 Common side effects of not drinking
 | Do you know one of those annoying people? They decline the dessert not because they’re on a diet, but because sweet stuff doesn’t do anything for them. Oh really! you say, Good for you! when what you really think is Fuck off. submitted by deepak93066 to viralspot [link] [comments] Well, I’m that person, but with alcohol. I’m here to tell you, it’s as good for me, as it is hard for me. So, in case your dry January is going well and you think of extending it, read on. Over a year ago, someone shared with me this informative, factual, yet thoroughly bleak podcast by Andrew Huberman about the effects of any amount of alcohol on your brain and body. Since I had just reached the wise age of thirty, otherwise known as the age when you have less fucks to give, I asked myself why I drank at all and what would happen if I stopped. And then I stopped. You know how it goes from there. I felt great, I saved money, ‘I often regretted drinking but I never regretted not drinking’ and so on. It’s all true. However, before that, since the first glass of wine that my parents gave me at 12, for the good 18 years of my life, I did regularly drink. Why? Because that’s what people do.So, let’s start by saying that when you stop drinking, people don’t know what to do with you. The side effects of being sober1) PeoplePeople will ask you why you don’t drink.They react well if you respond honestly. They don’t react well if you reverse the question in return. Pro tip: you can do that if you don’t want them to speak to you for the rest of the party.People will ask you for permission to drink.Oh you don’t? Good for you! Would you mind if I had a beer though? Why would I?! I’ve just explained it’s not because of a past addiction or an alcoholic parent. The only reason I see for this persistent question is…People will think you are judging them.If you’re sober not because of a problem, then it must be because you feel superior this way. I choose not to drink means I understand the implications of alcohol on my behaviour tonight and on my health in the long term, means I’m a responsible and mature person and you, in turn, are an idiot. That’s how many drinkers will see you.If we’re not all in this together, people’s choices reveal themselves as choices and not as a default. Consequently, they think that you are judging them, when in reality they are faced with the need to evaluate their own behaviour for the first time. People will stop inviting you to stuff.They think it’s because you won’t enjoy yourself in a drinking crowd, so it’s best to protect you from boredom. You think it’s because they won’t enjoy your boring presence and want to protect themselves from your judgement.People will think you are less fun.These last two points create a vicious circle. Or rather, a spiral of social exclusion for sober people. This — is how you lose friends.Sorry, maybe I should’ve started off with that. When you go sober, you will lose friends. 2) FriendsWill split into two groups. Those who will find ways to spend time with you without alcohol and those who will keep pressuring you. The second group will split into two groups. Those who stop seeing you and those who start drinking less, because being with you made them realise their own drinking behaviour.Whether you like it or not, you will have an impact on your friends. Your choice will not come unnoticed, it will create ripples in your friends’ group, precisely because it’s a choice and not the default, and one that rejects the fundamental way in which people connect. Each of the people that used to drink with you will now be faced with a new way of relating to a friend. They may or may not like their own sober interpretation of friendship. My transition to alcohol-free socialising was easy because it coincided with moving to a new city. I simply made friends who were okay with me not drinking. Hence… I have two friends. When I lived in London, I used to hang out with a big group of people. Now when I come to visit, I see a couple of them, maybe a handful. I’ve realised that all the others were my party friends. To put it bluntly, I now see that I cannot stand them without alcohol. Sorry, maybe I should’ve added that. When you lose friends, it’s because you’ll realise that without alcohol, they don’t have much in common with you.That is, the new you. 3) YouYou’ll behave differently.Of course you will: you’ll have removed a substance that influenced, even dictated your behaviour in many contexts and now you’ll have to figure out what to do by yourself.More than that, you’ll have to face your sober personality, always. You’ll love the weight loss, the energy, the deep sleep, but this — this you may not love. You may, indeed, be less fun than you thought. You’ll drink a lot of sparkling water.This will be the ultimate fallback in any bar, restaurant or house party, unless you quit alcohol to get diabetes from Sprite and Fanta instead. Coke Zero is your other new friend, but not for the whole night, because chances are that if you’ve been sensitive to the effects of alcohol, you’re sensitive to caffeine as well. And if you’re so caffeine insensitive that you can drink Coke Zero the whole night, then you have a different problem, because…You’ll get tired.I know you’re determined to prove everyone that you’re not less fun without alcohol, but they can see you yawn. Yes, it’s obvious with your mouth closed, too. You’re now the friend who asks if we can start at 7:30 instead of 8pm (it would be 7, if it was up to you). You need a little pick me up, it seems.You’ll substitute for other substances.Depending on your caffeine tolerance, Coke Zero either leaves you jittery or has no effect whatsoever. Unenthusiastically sipping your sparkling water,you will long to change your consciousness, somehow. To hold and taste the essence of a party, the embodiment of fun.That’s how I started liking cigarettes, and would probably be a social smoker now if my doctor didn’t categorically forbid it. That’s how I also experimented with weed at parties, only to find out it’s a substance I should enjoy in solitude, unless people are okay to speak to me without expecting a response. It’s either sparkling water or jittery Coke Zero for me. If I choose the first one, I don’t stay awake, if I choose the other one, I don’t chill out. You’ll get stressed.It’s only half bad when you notice the small stuff. That tall people have zero spatial awareness in clubs. That your partner transitions from charming to embarrassing at a house party. That your boss tells sexist jokes at team dinners. Only half bad.It’s all bad when you decide to host a party yourself. Either you’ll be eaten up by doubts if everyone is having a good time, or you’ll lose touch with your thoroughly drunk guests and you’ll want to find ways to get them the fuck out of your house. That’s only all bad, the hosting. What’s double bad is a family occasion, sober. Triple bad if you’re single. You’ll spend the saved money on therapy.You think you’re coming from a healthy and functional family — but have you ever tried spending Christmas, birthdays, weddings, christenings or funerals with them, without alcohol? Right, as a teenager. A period when we all appreciated how great our families were and loved spending time with them.You’ll need therapy after bottling up your feelings and awaken traumas. Because you’d sooner drop dead at the family table than pick up a fight. You’ll have less courage.Unless you’re fortunate to dance on the bar table, steal pitchers and hit on strangers comfortably by nature, you’ll have less “crazy stories” to tell. And if you’re dating, you’ll need to quickly learn how to break ice without a cocktail.The first time I missed alcohol after quitting was when I arrived to the first date with my now boyfriend. What he took for a lack of interest was just me being intimidated by him (story) and wishing that my green tea would turn into wine. As it didn’t, the other option was to say We should head somewhere gesellig, preferably to yours. When you don’t have the Dutch courage, you’ll have to build your own. You’ll be difficult to date.Should we get a drink soon? It’s the easiest, most straightforward and casual way to offer a first date. Since you both got so far, you don’t want to spoil it by explaining that you don’t drink. Finding an activity is complicated, a dinner is serious and a coffee is prude. You want to come across as carefree and fun, not difficult and boring.So you meet in a bar, and for the longest time you’re trying not to draw attention to your beverage choices. You may even say that you just don’t feel like drinking today… technically it’s not a lie. You’ll be less honest.Besides preventing you from either chilling out or making irresponsible choices, your sober inhibitions will also stop you from having a heart to heart with whomever you’d otherwise do shots with.On the plus side, your secrets are guarded and your resentments can safely grow forever. On a sad note, you won’t get a free voucher to get emotional with your friends, especially if you’re a man in our toxic masculinity, no-homo culture. I once had a crush on my friend and suspected it was mutual. You two just need to get drunk together and talk honestly, advised my boyfriend. Wise, except neither she nor I drink. As a result, we’ll probably go to the grave wondering: is she into me? (Really can’t tell). You’ll lie.Not only because you’ll be less honest, less courageous, less spontaneous and less chilled. Mostly because you’ll be fed up. With restaurants that try to sell you wine, with bars that “run out” of tea. With people that over and over ask you why, doubt you, pressure you and even trick you. You’ll discover one privilege carried with having a vagina in our society: you’ll shut them up with a simple I’m pregnant. That’s after you discover that “I’m muslim” doesn’t work.You’ll be horrified.Because really, people don’t give up. For many of them, it’s a badge of honour to make you drink and if they can’t, they stop being your friend.Every time you’ll have to decline a drink you’ll notice that the other person is indeed drinking, and you’ll notice how often that is. Far from judging them, you’ll judge our reality itself. People are just doing what’s agreed upon as normal. It’s normal to regularly, if not constantly, make ourselves happier by distorting the reality. It’s collectively agreed upon to ingest poison.It’s not normal, it’s actually really difficult to opt out of ingesting poison. You have to execute a conscious choice and a good deal of strong will to exist in our society without ingesting poison. What does that say about our reality? This flip of perspective won’t just be sobering, it’ll be horrifying. You’ll give in.Eventually, you’ll do it. You’ll pour some red wine for both of you, just so he knows you’d like him to sit on the couch and kiss you. You’ll get a shot of tequila, so that your boss trusts you enough to explain the politics of the promotion cycle. You’ll sip the beer so that your mate — a good guy, bless him, but a bit stubborn — stops putting beers in front of you and complaining that they’re getting warm.And you will feel exactly as my friend described it: https://preview.redd.it/u4pp4jcvbrvc1.png?width=574&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f79246b72457c2d479428d481c3718b5d1b85ad You don’t drink because alcohol doesn’t do it for you. It doesn’t hide the pains of our reality, not successfully. 4) Warning: the reality may appear undistortedWhen people are asked why they choose to be sober, most often they reply that it’s because of the hangover. Arguably, for us the hangover is not worth it. And sure, a headache is not fun. But an emotional hangover is much more than that.It’s a sudden realisation that the reality is not as pleasant without alcohol as it is with alcohol.It sucks. We can’t handle it. Instead, we set our expectations nice and low by default. We experience the reality of being human in its raw form, without distortion: being stressed, tired, uptight, cowardly, closed up, dishonest and condescending. It sucks too, but for us, this honesty is easier to handle in small doses on an every day basis, than suddenly in the morning after. ~ Alcohol exists for a reason. When you quit alcohol, you’ll face that reason constantly, but you’ll get used to it. As little fun as it is, you’ll learn how to live with pain — the pain of existence. When you drink, you still face that same reason, but you’re able to get distracted from it for a few blissful moments. As long as you notice that both are a choice rather than take drinking as a default — Good for you! Enjoy responsibly. Choose your side effects. |
2024.04.19 20:37 Tennis_Lyf Review: Celine Medium Cabas Phantom Tote in taupe from Heidi
Review: Celine Medium Cabas Phantom Tote in taupe from Heidi
Author Expertise: as I’ve declared previously this week, it is minimal. I now have an extensive collection of FOUR reps, that’s right FOUR!!, so I’m basically an expert, right? No, you say? Okay, whatever, let’s agree to disagree.
Disclosure: Heidi is not aware that I’m writing this review, nor has she asked me to write one. I have not requested, nor been offered, any incentive for this review. Having said that, her new website does advertise a VIP status earned by providing proof of an item review. I’ve not opted to pursue this, as I feel like my $$ is flying out the door fast enough, without “exclusive factory offers and perks each month”.
Seller contact: +44 7355 778792 via WhatsApp; https://www.helmi-shop.cn/vip
Timeline: 2/14 contacted Heidi about another bag (Gucci vagina pineapple tote GUCCI GG Supreme Monogram Kids Pineapple Tote 494790 FASHIONPHILE ) Did y’all know this is a kids bag?! What world do we live in that there is a $600-$1000 (used) swinger’s vagina tote for kids? I digress. 2/15 Heidi recommended factory and provided cost 2/17 I paid for this masterpiece 2/27 Sadly informed there would not be a pineapple tote in my future (out of stock), so I chose a more modest replacement 2/28 Got price for Celine tote 3/1 I paid the difference 4/9 Received long awaited PSPs 4/12 Heidi requested I pay extra shipping, or omit brand packaging due to concern of package size; I chose to reduce packaging (Saving the earth, one slightly smaller expedited international shipment at a time.) 4/15 I received tracking number 4/17 She arrived!!
Photos here: https://imgur.com/a/XD7Euqj
Price Paid: * 2207 CNY = $305 USD for bag * 434 CNY = $60 USD for shipping * Received 13% discount for Wise payment, and added 10% for shipping insurance, so total was $317 USD * I ended up paying $334 total, I think I added extra for transaction fees?
Factory: Black frame
Rep Quality: This is a gorgeous bag, and I’d easily pay $300 for this leather tote. I am a self proclaimed tote whore, so that should be factored in, of course. Seriously, the leather is beautiful, supple while also firm enough to stay upright, but not stiff. The suede interior is soft and plush. The stitching is neat and even, as are the seams. There is one errant thread on the interior, but it looks like it just missed trimming when finished, there are no loose stitches. The imprinted logo is small, yet (mostly) well defined and easy to read.
Accuracy: * Rep to factory: I can only find one difference between the bag I received and the bag in the factory photos (side panel width, see below). The color is like a chameleon, and appears more grayish, or more taupe, depending on the light. Regardless, the bag pictured and my bag would not be mistaken as being different colors. * Rep to auth: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Celine bag in the wild, or if I did, I was too green to recognize it. Comparing to online pics of “auth” bags (only on resale sites, as this bag is no longer available on Celine.com), again, my rep appears spot on. Leather: As mentioned above, the leather is supple, yet firm enough to hold its shape. She stands proudly, unassisted. The color is true taupe, though does appear more gray in certain lighting. The grained leather is consistent in texture and color throughout the bag, it is also congruent with online photos of the authentic bag. Interior: The suede interior is soft to the touch, the color is consistent throughout. It does have a greenish hue, but this is consistent with factory and auth photos. The envelope folded bottom seams are clean and smooth. The interior pockets are flat and neat in appearance. There is one inner zipper with a leather pull; the zipper does its job, zipping and unzipping, smoothly. Straps:* Right now, they are a bit stubborn, and don’t want to limber up just yet. The belt straps fall nicely, but take a bit of a tug to cinch. I think this will always be the case, as they fit the slots pretty snuggly. They can be tied easily, and stay put once your knot of choice is achieved. Stitching: The stitching blends in perfectly with the color of the leather. The stitches are flat and even. As mentioned, there is one errant thread in the interior, I’ve decided it just didn’t get trimmed. Measurements: Per Fashionphile (CELINE Soft Grained Calfskin Medium Belt Cabas Phantom Taupe 1393585 FASHIONPHILE), 10.5inLx7Winx11.5inH; rep: 10.4Lx6.75Wx11.75H; drop is 8.75 vs my 8.25 (I will add that the straps wanted to hold their shape from packing, and I expect them to relax and drop to lengthen with use.) The drop doesn’t seem very long, but I can slip my arm right in, and it feels comfy. The bag opening is tucked right under your pit, which is bad for the bag, but good for the safety of its contents. I have noticed that the bag appears to by the same width at bottom and top, when looking at the side view. Mine obviously widens at the top. I can’t find a pic of just the side panel on any of the resale sites to compare this to. Imprinting: As mentioned, the imprinting is small, but clear and easy to read (even for my old a$$ eyes). In my online research of authentic Cabas totes, I’ve found some variations in the imprinting. Some show Celine Paris, then Made in Italy (for example) both on the outside of the bag; the Made in Italy is also imprinted on the inner pocket. Some bags appear to have the gold overlay on the inner stamp as well as on the outside. The stamping on both this inside and outside of my bag are consistent with examples that I’ve found online. While we’re nitpicking, the font is mostly correct, but N on the auth appears a tad wider; also the C on mine is a bit less “clean” in appearance. Also, I’ve noticed that some bags have CÉLINE, whereas mine lacks the accent.
Rep Satisfaction: I am thrilled with this bag! Again, I am a sucker for a tote, and would sell a kidney, or a child, or a child’s kidney for a great tote bag, so I might be a tad biased. This beauty came exactly as I expected, no surprises, no weird smell; nothing but a gaping maw ready for me to fill with a day’s worth of detritus. (Side note: not sure how close the dust cover is to the auth, but it by far the nicest I’ve received for any bag, auth’s included.)
Seller Satisfaction: This is my second purchase from Heidi, the first being a CF from 187. Not counting the extra time d/t requesting one bag and then switching gears, the timeline for this one was significantly longer. Perhaps BF is slower? Maybe they’re not cranking out less sought after grey totes as quickly as 187 whips out CFs? Did I get impatient? Yes. Did Heidi stay patient with me? Yes! Communication with Heidi is always friendly and concise. I like being called “dear”, I like the emojis. Somehow it feels humanizing, and for me, creates the sense that there’s an actual relationship, one that’ll I’ll keep coming back for. See, if you’re open to it, bags AND sellers can fill your emotional void! 🥰
WIMB: The list is endless. This baby holds it all. Wallet. Keys. 20 lip balms. Motrin. Tums. Hub’s Rx from Kroger. Receipts. Skinny Pop. Water bottle. Folding shopping tote. (Yes, a tote within a tote. If that’s not magical, I don’t know what is.) I’m pretty sure I could fit a small cooler, in which I could carry my spare kidney, just in case I find another tote to put in my tote.) Getting Stefon vibes, you feeling it too? https://youtu.be/NctoAyRDtzU?si=ZmmgVTylzIV-uhbi
The Wrap Up: I chose this bag primarily because hello? tote bag. Second, because the vagina tote bag was not meant to be mine. Finally, I wanted to purchase one of those IYKYK bags. No screaming logo or pattern, nothing that would draw too much attention “ooh, was that a gift?”, just something that would make me happy because I KNOW. She’s a lovely neutral to boot, and I can see myself carrying her regardless of the season. Anyway, I’m so happy, I snapped quick pics, dumped my other purse into her empty belly, and trotted off to the dreaded carline with a smile.
*edited to remove redundant link
submitted by Tennis_Lyf to WagoonLadies [link] [comments]
Author Expertise: as I’ve declared previously this week, it is minimal. I now have an extensive collection of FOUR reps, that’s right FOUR!!, so I’m basically an expert, right? No, you say? Okay, whatever, let’s agree to disagree.
Disclosure: Heidi is not aware that I’m writing this review, nor has she asked me to write one. I have not requested, nor been offered, any incentive for this review. Having said that, her new website does advertise a VIP status earned by providing proof of an item review. I’ve not opted to pursue this, as I feel like my $$ is flying out the door fast enough, without “exclusive factory offers and perks each month”.
Seller contact: +44 7355 778792 via WhatsApp; https://www.helmi-shop.cn/vip
Timeline: 2/14 contacted Heidi about another bag (Gucci vagina pineapple tote GUCCI GG Supreme Monogram Kids Pineapple Tote 494790 FASHIONPHILE ) Did y’all know this is a kids bag?! What world do we live in that there is a $600-$1000 (used) swinger’s vagina tote for kids? I digress. 2/15 Heidi recommended factory and provided cost 2/17 I paid for this masterpiece 2/27 Sadly informed there would not be a pineapple tote in my future (out of stock), so I chose a more modest replacement 2/28 Got price for Celine tote 3/1 I paid the difference 4/9 Received long awaited PSPs 4/12 Heidi requested I pay extra shipping, or omit brand packaging due to concern of package size; I chose to reduce packaging (Saving the earth, one slightly smaller expedited international shipment at a time.) 4/15 I received tracking number 4/17 She arrived!!
Photos here: https://imgur.com/a/XD7Euqj
Price Paid: * 2207 CNY = $305 USD for bag * 434 CNY = $60 USD for shipping * Received 13% discount for Wise payment, and added 10% for shipping insurance, so total was $317 USD * I ended up paying $334 total, I think I added extra for transaction fees?
Factory: Black frame
Rep Quality: This is a gorgeous bag, and I’d easily pay $300 for this leather tote. I am a self proclaimed tote whore, so that should be factored in, of course. Seriously, the leather is beautiful, supple while also firm enough to stay upright, but not stiff. The suede interior is soft and plush. The stitching is neat and even, as are the seams. There is one errant thread on the interior, but it looks like it just missed trimming when finished, there are no loose stitches. The imprinted logo is small, yet (mostly) well defined and easy to read.
Accuracy: * Rep to factory: I can only find one difference between the bag I received and the bag in the factory photos (side panel width, see below). The color is like a chameleon, and appears more grayish, or more taupe, depending on the light. Regardless, the bag pictured and my bag would not be mistaken as being different colors. * Rep to auth: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Celine bag in the wild, or if I did, I was too green to recognize it. Comparing to online pics of “auth” bags (only on resale sites, as this bag is no longer available on Celine.com), again, my rep appears spot on. Leather: As mentioned above, the leather is supple, yet firm enough to hold its shape. She stands proudly, unassisted. The color is true taupe, though does appear more gray in certain lighting. The grained leather is consistent in texture and color throughout the bag, it is also congruent with online photos of the authentic bag. Interior: The suede interior is soft to the touch, the color is consistent throughout. It does have a greenish hue, but this is consistent with factory and auth photos. The envelope folded bottom seams are clean and smooth. The interior pockets are flat and neat in appearance. There is one inner zipper with a leather pull; the zipper does its job, zipping and unzipping, smoothly. Straps:* Right now, they are a bit stubborn, and don’t want to limber up just yet. The belt straps fall nicely, but take a bit of a tug to cinch. I think this will always be the case, as they fit the slots pretty snuggly. They can be tied easily, and stay put once your knot of choice is achieved. Stitching: The stitching blends in perfectly with the color of the leather. The stitches are flat and even. As mentioned, there is one errant thread in the interior, I’ve decided it just didn’t get trimmed. Measurements: Per Fashionphile (CELINE Soft Grained Calfskin Medium Belt Cabas Phantom Taupe 1393585 FASHIONPHILE), 10.5inLx7Winx11.5inH; rep: 10.4Lx6.75Wx11.75H; drop is 8.75 vs my 8.25 (I will add that the straps wanted to hold their shape from packing, and I expect them to relax and drop to lengthen with use.) The drop doesn’t seem very long, but I can slip my arm right in, and it feels comfy. The bag opening is tucked right under your pit, which is bad for the bag, but good for the safety of its contents. I have noticed that the bag appears to by the same width at bottom and top, when looking at the side view. Mine obviously widens at the top. I can’t find a pic of just the side panel on any of the resale sites to compare this to. Imprinting: As mentioned, the imprinting is small, but clear and easy to read (even for my old a$$ eyes). In my online research of authentic Cabas totes, I’ve found some variations in the imprinting. Some show Celine Paris, then Made in Italy (for example) both on the outside of the bag; the Made in Italy is also imprinted on the inner pocket. Some bags appear to have the gold overlay on the inner stamp as well as on the outside. The stamping on both this inside and outside of my bag are consistent with examples that I’ve found online. While we’re nitpicking, the font is mostly correct, but N on the auth appears a tad wider; also the C on mine is a bit less “clean” in appearance. Also, I’ve noticed that some bags have CÉLINE, whereas mine lacks the accent.
Rep Satisfaction: I am thrilled with this bag! Again, I am a sucker for a tote, and would sell a kidney, or a child, or a child’s kidney for a great tote bag, so I might be a tad biased. This beauty came exactly as I expected, no surprises, no weird smell; nothing but a gaping maw ready for me to fill with a day’s worth of detritus. (Side note: not sure how close the dust cover is to the auth, but it by far the nicest I’ve received for any bag, auth’s included.)
Seller Satisfaction: This is my second purchase from Heidi, the first being a CF from 187. Not counting the extra time d/t requesting one bag and then switching gears, the timeline for this one was significantly longer. Perhaps BF is slower? Maybe they’re not cranking out less sought after grey totes as quickly as 187 whips out CFs? Did I get impatient? Yes. Did Heidi stay patient with me? Yes! Communication with Heidi is always friendly and concise. I like being called “dear”, I like the emojis. Somehow it feels humanizing, and for me, creates the sense that there’s an actual relationship, one that’ll I’ll keep coming back for. See, if you’re open to it, bags AND sellers can fill your emotional void! 🥰
WIMB: The list is endless. This baby holds it all. Wallet. Keys. 20 lip balms. Motrin. Tums. Hub’s Rx from Kroger. Receipts. Skinny Pop. Water bottle. Folding shopping tote. (Yes, a tote within a tote. If that’s not magical, I don’t know what is.) I’m pretty sure I could fit a small cooler, in which I could carry my spare kidney, just in case I find another tote to put in my tote.) Getting Stefon vibes, you feeling it too? https://youtu.be/NctoAyRDtzU?si=ZmmgVTylzIV-uhbi
The Wrap Up: I chose this bag primarily because hello? tote bag. Second, because the vagina tote bag was not meant to be mine. Finally, I wanted to purchase one of those IYKYK bags. No screaming logo or pattern, nothing that would draw too much attention “ooh, was that a gift?”, just something that would make me happy because I KNOW. She’s a lovely neutral to boot, and I can see myself carrying her regardless of the season. Anyway, I’m so happy, I snapped quick pics, dumped my other purse into her empty belly, and trotted off to the dreaded carline with a smile.
*edited to remove redundant link
2024.04.19 08:08 Tinytimmytimtim Help me understand, I want to enjoy it.
Preface: Im 27, I’ve been playing RPGs my entire life and played some D&D in college.
Im genuinely not understanding the hype and the praise. I literally feel like I downloaded the wrong “Baldur’s Gate 3”.
All I saw prior to playing was screenshots of people’s character and assumed it must have an extensive character creator. It doesn’t. There are seemingly more dick and vagina options than there are face presets (which you can’t customize). I get it, mocapped facial animations for dialogue, still disappointing especially because my character just looks like he’s playing with a loose molar half the time. It’s a decade behind BAD rpgs released a decade ago.
I got about 10 hours in. Goblin camp. The priest dies in a cutscene. Lame as fuck but okay, whatever. I pilfer barrels and stack em around the red dude because fighting him and his 30 minions was a disaster. He sits there and watches me do it… alright, whatever.
I shoot the bridge under Minthra in plain view of her subordinates, she dies & nobody even reacts. They just watch me do it. They reacted worse when I misclicked a treasure chest and looted it.
This is the award winning role-play and immersion?
After this, I got tired of the jank and nonsense and fast traveled out. I take a left and see this group of NPCs huddled around a body. At this point I’m thoroughly not enjoying the combat and they seemed interesting so I explicitly told them “I don’t want to fight” to which they promptly responded by drawing their weapons and fighting me with another 7 dudes that pop up on high terrain out of nowhere.
I save scummed out because I was sick of it, went to rest and spoke to astarion. First conversation with him and he immediately tries to fuck me.
I tab out of the game and check metacritic just to make sure I wasn’t imagining things, and sure enough, it has a 96.
At this point, I’m resolved to enjoy the game and I’m convinced it’s something to do with me, so I hop in the discord with a buddy and have him run me through all the mechanics just to make sure I’m doing it right. I save scum to go back to the Dror fight with a refreshed understanding, streaming it in the discord and I get slaughtered the first turn. My friend tells me to save scum and destroy the war drums, and then save scum if one of my 2 daily spells miss…
I quit and then just played Dragon’s Dogma.
I kinda had a feeling where the effusive praise was coming from when the first thing I ever heard about BG3 was “you can fuck the bear” and every clip I saw was either about the cock and balls options or another character trying to fuck you. “Oh, it’s THAT game…”
I genuinely enjoyed the character interactions outside of the catastrophically forced and frankly embarrassing “romance”, but the thought of actually playing the game fills me with dread.
I was excited for the “strategic” gameplay my buddies sold it to me as, but there’s nothing strategic about a dice roll that determines whether you do 1-18 damage. That is an oxymoron.
I dunno, I half want to vent and half want to see if DOS2 would be more my speed? Am I overtly jaded and cynical or did the “epic chungis bacon” crowd inflate the game’s actual merits beyond what’s actually there? I love tactical games and playing with builds. Will I enjoy DOS2?
I’m even more interested in how this happened. Genuinely, im fascinated by how there can be such a massive difference between the discourse around the game and what it actually is. I’ve seen a lot of games get more hype than is probably warranted. I enjoyed Elden Ring a lot but BB and sekiro are much better imo. BOTW was awesome, but “perfect” game is a stretch.
I don’t like hating games. They are art to me and I genuinely believe tapping out and saying “I don’t like things like X” is limiting. With the right mindset and re-orienting how you view something, you can find SOMETHING to enjoy in everything.
I genuinely don’t understand it with BG3. Is it literally just wanting to bang shadowheart?
submitted by Tinytimmytimtim to BaldursGate3 [link] [comments]
Im genuinely not understanding the hype and the praise. I literally feel like I downloaded the wrong “Baldur’s Gate 3”.
All I saw prior to playing was screenshots of people’s character and assumed it must have an extensive character creator. It doesn’t. There are seemingly more dick and vagina options than there are face presets (which you can’t customize). I get it, mocapped facial animations for dialogue, still disappointing especially because my character just looks like he’s playing with a loose molar half the time. It’s a decade behind BAD rpgs released a decade ago.
I got about 10 hours in. Goblin camp. The priest dies in a cutscene. Lame as fuck but okay, whatever. I pilfer barrels and stack em around the red dude because fighting him and his 30 minions was a disaster. He sits there and watches me do it… alright, whatever.
I shoot the bridge under Minthra in plain view of her subordinates, she dies & nobody even reacts. They just watch me do it. They reacted worse when I misclicked a treasure chest and looted it.
This is the award winning role-play and immersion?
After this, I got tired of the jank and nonsense and fast traveled out. I take a left and see this group of NPCs huddled around a body. At this point I’m thoroughly not enjoying the combat and they seemed interesting so I explicitly told them “I don’t want to fight” to which they promptly responded by drawing their weapons and fighting me with another 7 dudes that pop up on high terrain out of nowhere.
I save scummed out because I was sick of it, went to rest and spoke to astarion. First conversation with him and he immediately tries to fuck me.
I tab out of the game and check metacritic just to make sure I wasn’t imagining things, and sure enough, it has a 96.
At this point, I’m resolved to enjoy the game and I’m convinced it’s something to do with me, so I hop in the discord with a buddy and have him run me through all the mechanics just to make sure I’m doing it right. I save scum to go back to the Dror fight with a refreshed understanding, streaming it in the discord and I get slaughtered the first turn. My friend tells me to save scum and destroy the war drums, and then save scum if one of my 2 daily spells miss…
I quit and then just played Dragon’s Dogma.
I kinda had a feeling where the effusive praise was coming from when the first thing I ever heard about BG3 was “you can fuck the bear” and every clip I saw was either about the cock and balls options or another character trying to fuck you. “Oh, it’s THAT game…”
I genuinely enjoyed the character interactions outside of the catastrophically forced and frankly embarrassing “romance”, but the thought of actually playing the game fills me with dread.
I was excited for the “strategic” gameplay my buddies sold it to me as, but there’s nothing strategic about a dice roll that determines whether you do 1-18 damage. That is an oxymoron.
I dunno, I half want to vent and half want to see if DOS2 would be more my speed? Am I overtly jaded and cynical or did the “epic chungis bacon” crowd inflate the game’s actual merits beyond what’s actually there? I love tactical games and playing with builds. Will I enjoy DOS2?
I’m even more interested in how this happened. Genuinely, im fascinated by how there can be such a massive difference between the discourse around the game and what it actually is. I’ve seen a lot of games get more hype than is probably warranted. I enjoyed Elden Ring a lot but BB and sekiro are much better imo. BOTW was awesome, but “perfect” game is a stretch.
I don’t like hating games. They are art to me and I genuinely believe tapping out and saying “I don’t like things like X” is limiting. With the right mindset and re-orienting how you view something, you can find SOMETHING to enjoy in everything.
I genuinely don’t understand it with BG3. Is it literally just wanting to bang shadowheart?
2024.04.18 13:40 dreamstobeF I think I might have a gender problem and I'm not so sure I'm cis anymore...
Hey all, sorry for trash post I guess...I'm going through a lot right now and it's been difficult to deal with.
I'm 24 years old, a few months from graduation. I've always considered myself a guy because that simply seemed like the obvious and normal thing to be given what I was born as. I didn't really give it much thought, and to be honest I was pretty sheltered from anything transgender growing up beyond the stuff you might see on TV. I've always done my best to be invisible, to look perfectly typical. Historically I've been withdrawn, nerdy, depressed. My depression was atrocious for most of my teens in fact, and only recently started to get better in the last few years.
I don't think I'd call myself seriously uncomfortable with my gender or body...it just was, historically. I never felt that I should have been born a girl, or that I actually was one, nor did I feel much drive to live as one either. However since my preteens I've had this "draw" towards the feminine, this desire to wear girl clothes (or later be a femboy) that I didn't want to admit to anyone.
Around 12 or 13 or so I started feeling bitter over the fact that I wasn't born a girl though, and this wish to have been born a girl was a recurring and painful thing over the years. It started roughly when I became more aware of what the anatomical differences were between men and women...it certainly wasn't always on my mind or anything, but whenever it did come up it would always hurt and I'd struggle to get the thought out of my head for a bit. I don't know why, I just felt/feel that being a girl seems better in many ways, and given how this was always interwoven with attraction I just assumed all guys felt this way. At the same time though the social expectations of being a girl seemed like a lot to handle, so that kinda served to temper my pain in this regard. I don't know, being a guy seemed to me objectively worse than being a girl, and I always felt saddened at the fact that Id never get to experience being a girl, to have a vagina, or breasts, or be able to be a mom. It hurt, in a FOMO kind of way. Something I'd never get to have I guess. I tried my best to ignore it. At the same time though I never felt that I wasn't supposed to be a guy either, and the overwhelming majority of the time gender didn't really enter my mind.
But more recently, with my final years in education coming to a close, I've had more time and more freedom to do as I please, and I just started dressing more and more fem at home. I can't tell you why I started, I just had this draw to do so I guess, almost like my mind was taunting me. I guess I want to be able to look in the mirror and see a girl, at least once... It has become more and more taxing on me, and I feel broken now.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am. I don't really feel like I qualify to be trans or hate my gender enough, nor do I feel like I have enough history either. I'm just lost. Is there like a point where this stops becoming just idle cis thoughts and becomes more? How often does a guy wish they were a girl, or think about it?
submitted by dreamstobeF to asktransgender [link] [comments]
I'm 24 years old, a few months from graduation. I've always considered myself a guy because that simply seemed like the obvious and normal thing to be given what I was born as. I didn't really give it much thought, and to be honest I was pretty sheltered from anything transgender growing up beyond the stuff you might see on TV. I've always done my best to be invisible, to look perfectly typical. Historically I've been withdrawn, nerdy, depressed. My depression was atrocious for most of my teens in fact, and only recently started to get better in the last few years.
I don't think I'd call myself seriously uncomfortable with my gender or body...it just was, historically. I never felt that I should have been born a girl, or that I actually was one, nor did I feel much drive to live as one either. However since my preteens I've had this "draw" towards the feminine, this desire to wear girl clothes (or later be a femboy) that I didn't want to admit to anyone.
Around 12 or 13 or so I started feeling bitter over the fact that I wasn't born a girl though, and this wish to have been born a girl was a recurring and painful thing over the years. It started roughly when I became more aware of what the anatomical differences were between men and women...it certainly wasn't always on my mind or anything, but whenever it did come up it would always hurt and I'd struggle to get the thought out of my head for a bit. I don't know why, I just felt/feel that being a girl seems better in many ways, and given how this was always interwoven with attraction I just assumed all guys felt this way. At the same time though the social expectations of being a girl seemed like a lot to handle, so that kinda served to temper my pain in this regard. I don't know, being a guy seemed to me objectively worse than being a girl, and I always felt saddened at the fact that Id never get to experience being a girl, to have a vagina, or breasts, or be able to be a mom. It hurt, in a FOMO kind of way. Something I'd never get to have I guess. I tried my best to ignore it. At the same time though I never felt that I wasn't supposed to be a guy either, and the overwhelming majority of the time gender didn't really enter my mind.
But more recently, with my final years in education coming to a close, I've had more time and more freedom to do as I please, and I just started dressing more and more fem at home. I can't tell you why I started, I just had this draw to do so I guess, almost like my mind was taunting me. I guess I want to be able to look in the mirror and see a girl, at least once... It has become more and more taxing on me, and I feel broken now.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am. I don't really feel like I qualify to be trans or hate my gender enough, nor do I feel like I have enough history either. I'm just lost. Is there like a point where this stops becoming just idle cis thoughts and becomes more? How often does a guy wish they were a girl, or think about it?
2024.04.18 05:44 THROWRAFast-Emphasis Can somebody give me some sexual advice?
I read online that most people would agree that vaginas are not appreciated nor liked as much as large penises, boobs and butts are in society. And some examples about how this is proven:
Most would say that oral is given much more to men than to women and that this is nothing to do with male selfishness, since gay men are believed to give the most oral of all
Most would say that straight men sexualise and fetishize women who have penises (and that this is not a small minority) while straight women and gay men desexualize men who have vaginas. That straight men and lesbians are more open to transgender women pre op and post op (and that this is not a small minority) than straight women and gay men are open to transgender men pre op and post op
Most would say vaginas are seen as gross, taboo & have stigma and gay men are far more openly disgusted by and insulting towards vaginas than lesbians are towards penises. That women hate their vaginas, while men love their penises. That bi people are believed to prefer penises and that lesbian sex is taken less seriously than gay sex. That penis paraphernalia (at bachelorette parties or otherwise), drawings and jokes are more common for men and women to enjoy, while they don't like vaginas physically
That men are more attracted to a performance or costume of femininity (makeup, hair, clothes, etc) rather than to actual women. And unfeminine women, fat women and unshaven women (women's natural bodies) are more of a turn off than women who have penises and feminized men. Whereas women and gay men can like androgynous men and would rather any type of man than vaginas
That female domination is mostly about penis imitation (strap ons and pegging.) That cuckholding is all about the other man's penis being better. That men are obsessed with anal. And that men like to see women squirting because it's vaginas acting like penises and so taken more seriously as an orgasm, etc
Close family and two psychologists that I showed and asked about what I wrote above all said that these things are not believed by nor true for the vast majority of people. One of my psychologists said she has known thousands of people and so she knows what most people are like. The other psychologist said she understands why I would be depressed and want to avoid people if I had believed these things to be true. And that those things aren't true because if they were society wouldn't function and the genders wouldn't be able to get along with each other. What do you think?
submitted by THROWRAFast-Emphasis to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]
Most would say that oral is given much more to men than to women and that this is nothing to do with male selfishness, since gay men are believed to give the most oral of all
Most would say that straight men sexualise and fetishize women who have penises (and that this is not a small minority) while straight women and gay men desexualize men who have vaginas. That straight men and lesbians are more open to transgender women pre op and post op (and that this is not a small minority) than straight women and gay men are open to transgender men pre op and post op
Most would say vaginas are seen as gross, taboo & have stigma and gay men are far more openly disgusted by and insulting towards vaginas than lesbians are towards penises. That women hate their vaginas, while men love their penises. That bi people are believed to prefer penises and that lesbian sex is taken less seriously than gay sex. That penis paraphernalia (at bachelorette parties or otherwise), drawings and jokes are more common for men and women to enjoy, while they don't like vaginas physically
That men are more attracted to a performance or costume of femininity (makeup, hair, clothes, etc) rather than to actual women. And unfeminine women, fat women and unshaven women (women's natural bodies) are more of a turn off than women who have penises and feminized men. Whereas women and gay men can like androgynous men and would rather any type of man than vaginas
That female domination is mostly about penis imitation (strap ons and pegging.) That cuckholding is all about the other man's penis being better. That men are obsessed with anal. And that men like to see women squirting because it's vaginas acting like penises and so taken more seriously as an orgasm, etc
Close family and two psychologists that I showed and asked about what I wrote above all said that these things are not believed by nor true for the vast majority of people. One of my psychologists said she has known thousands of people and so she knows what most people are like. The other psychologist said she understands why I would be depressed and want to avoid people if I had believed these things to be true. And that those things aren't true because if they were society wouldn't function and the genders wouldn't be able to get along with each other. What do you think?
2024.04.16 13:04 LordOf2HitCombo Why does "Caught Up" by Liz Forde have a 4.5 stars on Goodreads?
This is a bit of a long rant, but I also want to understand what exactly is so compelling about this book that it has a higher score than perhaps 95% of all books ever (yes, I know that Goodreads scores are not the gold standard for literature, but still).
Anyway, after seeing some recommendations on YouTube and the good score on Goodreads, I decided to give ‘’Caught Up’’ a whirl, even though I haven’t read the first two books in the series (as I understand it, it’s a shared universe with some connections between books, but they are all stand-alones). I am not a big romance buff, but I do seek to diversify my reading, so I’ll occasionally grab a book that’s outside my comfort zone.
So, in this book, which is over 400 pages long, mind you, we basically have to deal with 2 young adults, a professional baseball player and a distinguished pastry chef. He (the baseball player) realized recently that he got a baby son after a one-night stand with a woman who now doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life, so she surprised the male main character (MMC) with the news of the baby and basically shoved it into his arms before disappearing. The female main character (FMC) is feeling stuck in her career, so she accepts her father’s (who is the MMC’s coach) proposal to babysit the MMC’s baby for a couple of months, during MMC’s baseball season, in hopes that FMC’s inspiration will return before she has to start working as a consultant in high-end restaurants again.
Right from the beginning, it struck me how PERFECT everyone was. I don’t know if this is a thing in romance books, but isn’t having imperfect, flawed, non-Mary Jane characters a more compelling asset for your book if they are literally the MAIN characters who the readers are (presumably) supposed to identify with in some way (at least on some ‘’humanity’’ or ‘’universal’’ level)? Because, let me tell you something, the main characters of this drawn-out nothing-is-happening romance are in most ways simply perfect, in practically unachievable ways. The MMC is the best player on the team, he is a tall, muscular, dashing, beautiful, athletic, intelligent, sensitive, romantic, rich as hell funny man, whose fatherhood instinct and perfection is only trumped by his intuition about EXACTLY what FMC wants and needs at any given moment (he understands her doubts, struggles and emotional states, he is able to intuit exactly what steps to take to alleviate the stress and anxiety of this girl he met mere weeks ago and, yes, they are also such compatible lovers and he such a skillful thoughtful every-step-of-the-way consent-seeking passionate responsible lover that he is able to, I kid you not, make her orgasm by stroking her nipples and kissing her – but hey, I am a gay man, I can’t say I know much about this aspect of sex from real life, it just struck me as a bit… interesting).
The girl is less perfect, because she has an endless need to prove herself and ‘’earn" the love of her father (who is another paragon of fatherhood and goodness, more about that in a bit), so she feels compelled to keep chasing titles and accolades, and is afraid of settling down. Other than that, she is charming, funny, drop-dead gorgeous, well-endowed, and, to drive the point of perfection further, literally the youngest ever pastry chef to have received the most prestigious award in her profession. But it doesn’t stop there – the FMC’s father (and MMC’s coach and mentor) is a perfect father figure to both of them, having renounced his (you guessed it, amazing) career prospects to take in the FMC when her mother died, and being a perfect father thereafter. The MMC’s baby son is the embodiment of sunshine and grace; he obviously gets along terrifically with the FMC, and they quickly form a bond of deep affection. He may occasionally soil his diapers, but overall he is a right proper lad, barely ever crying and just spreading around joy and rainbows. The MMC’s teammates are a slightly rowdy bunch, but at the end of the day, they are all absolutely in love with the MMC’s baby and would do anything to accommodate their superstar teammate and son.
As you can guess from the descriptions above, being such perfect specimens, the FMC and the MMC have insane chemistry – they are both gorgeous and obviously strongly attracted to each other, they complement each other well, they are able to support, encourage and reassure each other, they are both financially set, and the sex is amazing… but we do have to fill 400 pages with SOMETHING, so the FMC starts acting out and withdrawing, her explanation basically being ‘’But I am just not the type of girl to stay in one place for long and get attached to people.’’ This is what the conflict of this entire novel can be reduced to (because everything else is perfect, as we have established). Yes, I understand that she is insecure because her adoptive father gave up his career for her, but at some point the MMC starts constantly trying to convince her that her father adores her and wouldn’t trade her for his hypothetical career, yada yada yada. I mean, if there was some initial animosity or awkwardness between the baby son and the FMC, for example, that would maybe have been believable conflict which actually poses some difficulties and doesn’t make me what to scream at the FMC for being so insufferable. Or if the MMC did not immediately understand the FMC’s motivation and reasoning (who could blame him), or if he was the one breaking some boundaries that she set to prevent them getting attached… But noooo, the baby and the FMC are practically best friends from the first time they meet, and the MMC immediately sympathizes with the FMC and is always just reacting respectfully and perfectly to any whim that the FMC has.
My favorite part of the novel was during one of the porn scenes (I intentionally say ‘’porn scenes’’ as opposed to ‘’sex scenes’’). It was the first time the main characters were removing all their clothes, and something was said about the FMC’s perfect and big breast and perfect lady bits (just as an aside, the MMC obviously gives perfect oral). I paused, put my book aside and mentally said ‘’Hmm… Let me guess… The MMC has a HUMONGOUS dong.’’ Surprise, surprise, this Adonis who is perfectly respectful and thoughtful and loving and sensitive, but also passionate and fiery and voracious, who is a superstar athlete with perfect body, perfect fatherhood instincts, perfect temper and perfect bank account, also has a gigantic pecker. The author did address the possible discomfort by throwing in a line or two about the inconveniences of inserting the guy’s tremendous shaft into her tight vagina, but when all was said and done, the whole arrangement was, you guessed it, perfectly sensual and pleasurable. As I mentioned, I am a gay man, so just like it was above when I was describing her Bluetooth orgasms, I cannot say I have an intimate understanding of the female reproductive organs, but from what I heard, gargantuan weenies are more often than not quite uncomfortable given the fact that the vaginal canal is not interminable, though I imagine her getting Niagara-falls wet at the sight of him might have helped things a little bit.
My last criticism is just how REPETITIVE the writing got. We had to be reminded chapter after chapter, paragraph after paragraph, about FMC’s doubts and insecurities regarding her father and her trying to earn his approval (though he is, as we said, not some dismissive or narcissistic asshole, so I don’t know how she got to be so insecure with this perfect father raising her) and about her fears of getting attached (it wasn’t even that at the beginning she was steadfast and confident she would not get attached… literally in the first third of the book, the huge cracks began to show, i.e. she already started getting seriously fearful that it was going to be hard for her to leave this time, and that she was having such a great time, so why would she even want to return to her career which was not even fulfilling anymore – yes, all this was already going on in her head way before the 50% mark). The author really has to, in my opinion, deposit more trust in her readers’ ability to memorize information and draw some conclusions for themselves from what they already know about the characters, their previous actions, etc. Not everything needs to be spelled out (let alone spelled out TWENTY TIMES). Anyway, that’s it, I am done. One star.
submitted by LordOf2HitCombo to books [link] [comments]
Anyway, after seeing some recommendations on YouTube and the good score on Goodreads, I decided to give ‘’Caught Up’’ a whirl, even though I haven’t read the first two books in the series (as I understand it, it’s a shared universe with some connections between books, but they are all stand-alones). I am not a big romance buff, but I do seek to diversify my reading, so I’ll occasionally grab a book that’s outside my comfort zone.
So, in this book, which is over 400 pages long, mind you, we basically have to deal with 2 young adults, a professional baseball player and a distinguished pastry chef. He (the baseball player) realized recently that he got a baby son after a one-night stand with a woman who now doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life, so she surprised the male main character (MMC) with the news of the baby and basically shoved it into his arms before disappearing. The female main character (FMC) is feeling stuck in her career, so she accepts her father’s (who is the MMC’s coach) proposal to babysit the MMC’s baby for a couple of months, during MMC’s baseball season, in hopes that FMC’s inspiration will return before she has to start working as a consultant in high-end restaurants again.
Right from the beginning, it struck me how PERFECT everyone was. I don’t know if this is a thing in romance books, but isn’t having imperfect, flawed, non-Mary Jane characters a more compelling asset for your book if they are literally the MAIN characters who the readers are (presumably) supposed to identify with in some way (at least on some ‘’humanity’’ or ‘’universal’’ level)? Because, let me tell you something, the main characters of this drawn-out nothing-is-happening romance are in most ways simply perfect, in practically unachievable ways. The MMC is the best player on the team, he is a tall, muscular, dashing, beautiful, athletic, intelligent, sensitive, romantic, rich as hell funny man, whose fatherhood instinct and perfection is only trumped by his intuition about EXACTLY what FMC wants and needs at any given moment (he understands her doubts, struggles and emotional states, he is able to intuit exactly what steps to take to alleviate the stress and anxiety of this girl he met mere weeks ago and, yes, they are also such compatible lovers and he such a skillful thoughtful every-step-of-the-way consent-seeking passionate responsible lover that he is able to, I kid you not, make her orgasm by stroking her nipples and kissing her – but hey, I am a gay man, I can’t say I know much about this aspect of sex from real life, it just struck me as a bit… interesting).
The girl is less perfect, because she has an endless need to prove herself and ‘’earn" the love of her father (who is another paragon of fatherhood and goodness, more about that in a bit), so she feels compelled to keep chasing titles and accolades, and is afraid of settling down. Other than that, she is charming, funny, drop-dead gorgeous, well-endowed, and, to drive the point of perfection further, literally the youngest ever pastry chef to have received the most prestigious award in her profession. But it doesn’t stop there – the FMC’s father (and MMC’s coach and mentor) is a perfect father figure to both of them, having renounced his (you guessed it, amazing) career prospects to take in the FMC when her mother died, and being a perfect father thereafter. The MMC’s baby son is the embodiment of sunshine and grace; he obviously gets along terrifically with the FMC, and they quickly form a bond of deep affection. He may occasionally soil his diapers, but overall he is a right proper lad, barely ever crying and just spreading around joy and rainbows. The MMC’s teammates are a slightly rowdy bunch, but at the end of the day, they are all absolutely in love with the MMC’s baby and would do anything to accommodate their superstar teammate and son.
As you can guess from the descriptions above, being such perfect specimens, the FMC and the MMC have insane chemistry – they are both gorgeous and obviously strongly attracted to each other, they complement each other well, they are able to support, encourage and reassure each other, they are both financially set, and the sex is amazing… but we do have to fill 400 pages with SOMETHING, so the FMC starts acting out and withdrawing, her explanation basically being ‘’But I am just not the type of girl to stay in one place for long and get attached to people.’’ This is what the conflict of this entire novel can be reduced to (because everything else is perfect, as we have established). Yes, I understand that she is insecure because her adoptive father gave up his career for her, but at some point the MMC starts constantly trying to convince her that her father adores her and wouldn’t trade her for his hypothetical career, yada yada yada. I mean, if there was some initial animosity or awkwardness between the baby son and the FMC, for example, that would maybe have been believable conflict which actually poses some difficulties and doesn’t make me what to scream at the FMC for being so insufferable. Or if the MMC did not immediately understand the FMC’s motivation and reasoning (who could blame him), or if he was the one breaking some boundaries that she set to prevent them getting attached… But noooo, the baby and the FMC are practically best friends from the first time they meet, and the MMC immediately sympathizes with the FMC and is always just reacting respectfully and perfectly to any whim that the FMC has.
My favorite part of the novel was during one of the porn scenes (I intentionally say ‘’porn scenes’’ as opposed to ‘’sex scenes’’). It was the first time the main characters were removing all their clothes, and something was said about the FMC’s perfect and big breast and perfect lady bits (just as an aside, the MMC obviously gives perfect oral). I paused, put my book aside and mentally said ‘’Hmm… Let me guess… The MMC has a HUMONGOUS dong.’’ Surprise, surprise, this Adonis who is perfectly respectful and thoughtful and loving and sensitive, but also passionate and fiery and voracious, who is a superstar athlete with perfect body, perfect fatherhood instincts, perfect temper and perfect bank account, also has a gigantic pecker. The author did address the possible discomfort by throwing in a line or two about the inconveniences of inserting the guy’s tremendous shaft into her tight vagina, but when all was said and done, the whole arrangement was, you guessed it, perfectly sensual and pleasurable. As I mentioned, I am a gay man, so just like it was above when I was describing her Bluetooth orgasms, I cannot say I have an intimate understanding of the female reproductive organs, but from what I heard, gargantuan weenies are more often than not quite uncomfortable given the fact that the vaginal canal is not interminable, though I imagine her getting Niagara-falls wet at the sight of him might have helped things a little bit.
My last criticism is just how REPETITIVE the writing got. We had to be reminded chapter after chapter, paragraph after paragraph, about FMC’s doubts and insecurities regarding her father and her trying to earn his approval (though he is, as we said, not some dismissive or narcissistic asshole, so I don’t know how she got to be so insecure with this perfect father raising her) and about her fears of getting attached (it wasn’t even that at the beginning she was steadfast and confident she would not get attached… literally in the first third of the book, the huge cracks began to show, i.e. she already started getting seriously fearful that it was going to be hard for her to leave this time, and that she was having such a great time, so why would she even want to return to her career which was not even fulfilling anymore – yes, all this was already going on in her head way before the 50% mark). The author really has to, in my opinion, deposit more trust in her readers’ ability to memorize information and draw some conclusions for themselves from what they already know about the characters, their previous actions, etc. Not everything needs to be spelled out (let alone spelled out TWENTY TIMES). Anyway, that’s it, I am done. One star.
2024.04.15 09:46 Informal_Patience821 Scientific Miracles of the Quran, Part 3: The Nature of The Universe and How it Was Created
 | In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. submitted by Informal_Patience821 to Quraniyoon [link] [comments] Salam to you all! :) If you haven't read part 1 and part 2 of this series, then do so before reading this one.Introduction:In this series, I endeavor to illustrate that God has conveyed statements in His Book intended for modern comprehension. These statements convincingly prove the Quran to be of Divine origin because such knowledge was unknown at that specific time (the time of Revelation). Arabs had no business knowing any of it. While some of these statements may appear ambiguous or figurative, it is because ancient humans lacked understanding of nature and space, which would have led to confusion if expressed in very explicit, literal terms.God encourages us to travel for the purpose of observing His creation to find out how He began it: “Travel through the land and observe how He began creation. Then God will produce the final creation. Indeed God, over all things, is competent.” (The Quran 29:20)Among us are traditional scholars who claim to be following the early predecessors (the "Salaf") and they are advising the Muslims to not interpret the Quran by way of modern scientific knowledge. It is as if they are instructed by someone to specifically deny the miraculous nature of the Quran. As if God didn't say: "We will show them Our signs in the universe and within their own beings until it will become manifest to them that it is the truth (i.e. that the Quran is the truth). Is it not enough about your Lord that He is witness to everything?" (The Holy Quran, 41:53)Indeed, science (signs in the universe) is making the Truth of the Quran manifest for us believers, however much they dislike it. In these series, I will demonstrate all of the Signs and Miracles the Quran offers when it comes to science in general. In this part, we will be discussing the beginning of the universe, how everything came about, the beginning of the human race and everything related to it. 1. The beginning of Time and Space: The Big BangThe Big Bang depictedGod says in the Quran: "Do not those who disbelieved see that the heavens and the earth were joined (as a single unit), Then We (forcefully) ruptured them asunder, and We made from the water every living thing? Will they not [then] believe?" (The Holy Quran, 21:30)There exists not a single statement before the Quran that resemble this statement God made in the above verse, except for very silly statements that do not even slightly resemble the description scientists give to this theory. The phrase: "And We made from water every living thing"This statement in the Quran asserts that every living thing has originated from water. It's a unique assertion within the Quran and is not explicitly stated in the same manner in pre-Islamic texts or other religious scriptures. Scientists consider it a confirmed fact that all living organisms originated from the oceans of the earth. We will go deeper into this in another part of this series, as this is concerning the Evolution Theory, while this part is about the universe.The phrase "أَوَلَمْ يَرَ" (awalam yara)This is a rhetorical question used to emphasize surprise or incredulity. In this context, it's as if God is asking, "Have those who disbelieved not seen this yet?" i.e. "Are they that blind to this reality of my doing?" implying that they should have seen or understood something, but for some reason, they haven't yet. It's a way of drawing attention to an apparent truth and questioning why it hasn't led to belief or recognition of the truthfulness of the Quran, when this truth is discovered to be a reality. The beginning of this verse in fact proves that nobody at that time proposed these two theories.In ancient Mesopotamian mythology, for example, exists very silly statements that disbelievers are trying to claim are the source of this Quranic Divine statement. Particularly in the Enuma Elish, the Babylonian creation epic, there's a narrative of the god Marduk separating the primordial watery chaos (represented by the goddess Tiamat) to create the heavens and the earth. A very silly description that does not even slightly resemble the Divine statement in the Quran. It is describing water as the first thing from where everything (including us) came from, which is not what the Quran is saying at all. Another one exists in Greek mythology, Hesiod's Theogony, where a chaos is described, the primordial state, giving birth to Gaia (Earth) and other primordial beings. And lastly also yet another one in Hindu mythology, the Rigveda, containing hymns suggesting a primordial unity that was later divided into the heavens and the earth. These do not even slightly resemble what the Quran explicitly stated. The phrase: "the heavens and the earth were joined (as a single unit)"The term "رَتْقًۭا" does not refer to the action of joining two existing things but rather to two entities existing as a single solid unit. Classical Arabic dictionaries often include the example of a healed hernia to illustrate this word's meaning. It denotes the state of a hernia after it has healed. Describing the heavens and the earth as two separate entities later joined and in close proximity (while still remaining distinct) is incorrect.Classical Arabic dictionaries: "'R-T-Q' The hernia: Sealing and repairing the hernia."Source: Ibn Sīda al-Mursī (d. 1066 CE), in his "Al-Muḥkam wa-l-Muḥīṭ al-Aʿẓam" Another classical dictionary: "Rtq: {Rtqan}: One sky and one earth."Source: Abu Ḥayyān al-Gharnāṭī (d. 1344 CE), in his "Tuḥfat al-Arīb bi-mā fī l-Qurʾān min al-Gharīb" The phrase "سماء واحدة وأرضا واحدة" (sama'un wahidatun wa ardan wahidatun) translates to "one sky and one earth," emphasizing the idea of them being one entity or one united whole, just as modern scientists are describing the state of existence before the "bang." It is also important to remember that the majority of these very early dictionaries also state their interpretation of what God meant by the "bursting apart," which is completely inaccurate because they simply did not have the advanced knowledge we have today. So it is very natural and expected that they would assume the wrong interpretation, which is totally fine because their interpretation is not what we're looking for here, we're looking for their definition of the actual words used in the verse, and their interpretation is not based on the Quran or what is literally stated in the Quran anyways, it is mostly based on Hadiths and what allegedly was reported by some companions and early scholars. Nevertheless, they all describe a joined entity/unit, and a forceful splitting/bursting. Another dictionary: "a. Closed or sewed up; joined, repaired."Source: Habib Anthony Salmone, in "An Advanced Learner's Arabic-English Dictionary" (1889 CE) "Closed": signifying no space or gaps, and in our modern understanding, no space or time that existed before the actual "bang." Another classical dictionary: "They were joined (in the dual form 'ratqan'), not 'ratqayn' because it is derived from the verb, and Al-Zajjāj said: It is said 'ratqan' because 'ratq' is a verbal noun; the meaning is they were both singularly 'ratq,' then they were both made 'fatq.' It was narrated from 'Ikrimah that he was asked about the night: Was it before the day? So he recited that the heavens and the earth were a joined entity. He said: And the 'ratq' is darkness. "Source: Ibn Manẓūr (d. 1311 CE), in his "Lisān al-ʿArab" The description of "ratq" as a state of singularity, coupled with the reference to darkness, aligns perfectly with the concept of the initial singularity in modern cosmology, as described in the Big Bang Theory. This understanding of the universe's initial state as a singular entity, devoid of light and containing all matter and energy, resonates with the Quranic description of the heavens and the earth being "joined together" before their forceful splitting. Scientists call it as the "Initial singularity": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Initial_singularity It is fascinating how people back in 1311 CE (and even earlier) said these words (but in their own way, in Arabic). And many centuries later, mankind discovers it to be true by way of modern advanced tools. Another classical dictionary: "Al-Ratq: it is when something muscular or membranous protrudes from a woman's vagina, preventing intercourse, as mentioned in Al-Mujaz. And 'al-ratq' in Sufism is the solidification of the substance of oneness, referred to as the Absolute Element, which was previously bonded before the creation of the heavens and the earth, and became unfurled after determination or creation."Source: Al-Tahānawī (d. 1777 CE), in his "Kashshāf Iṣṭilāḥāt al-Funūn wa-l-ʿUlūm." Do you begin to perceive the remarkable nature of this Noble verse when examined closely? You should! It is indeed remarkable and stands as evidence for the truthfulness of the Quran. The phrase: "Then We (forcefully) ruptured them asunder"The word that translates to "(forcefully) ruptured them asunder" is "فَفَتَقْنَـٰهُمَا ۖ." All dictionaries define it as a 'forceful rupture' that is done violently and with forceful emphasis/significance, just like the Big Bang is described by modern scientists (i.e. as an explosion). But since the word "explosion" is a relatively new word (based on the invention of bombs), "فَفَتَقْنَـٰهُمَا" would be the closest word to it that perfectly mirrors it.The English word "Explosion" has been in use since the late 16th century. It originates from the Latin word "explosionem," meaning "a bursting," which is derived from the verb "explodere," meaning "to drive out by clapping." Classical Arabic dictionaries on فَفَتَقْنَـٰهُمَا - ((forcefully) ruptured them asunder): "Root word "F-T-Q": The fabric tore, creating a rupture reminiscent of a deliberate act. I unraveled its stitches until I completely separated certain sections, causing it to split apart. I tore it apart with emphasis and excessiveness, and I multiplied the divisions."Source: Al-Fayyūmī (d. 1368 CE), in his "Al-Miṣbāḥ al-Munīr fī Gharīb al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr" Another classical dictionary: "Ruptured"Source: Habib Anthony Salmone (1889), in his "An Advanced Learner's Arabic-English Dictionary" And another: "Asunder. Rent it asunder...( S , O ,) is like it in signification, ( S , O , Msb , K ,) but means he did so much (i.e. not a normal split but a forceful), or many times."Source: Arabic-English Lexicon by Edward William Lane (d. 1876). 2. This is how scientists describe the Big Bang Theory, in short terms:"Around 13.7 billion years ago, everything in the entire universe was condensed in an infinitesimally small singularity, a point of infinite denseness and heat. Suddenly, an explosive expansion began, ballooning our universe outwards faster than the speed of light."Source: Space.com Amazing, right? But what is even more amazing is that it doesn't end there. The Qur'an even gives us more details, just in case someone tries to confuse the believers to make us think it is not talking about the Big Bang Theory. God is also the First One in history who mentioned that the universe currently is expanding (in present tense). See below. 3. The Expanding Universe:Our expanding universe.God says in the Quran: "And We made the universe with (Our) power, and indeed, We [are the ones who] Expand it." (51:47)Grammatically, "لَمُوسِعُونَ" is a form IV active participle (ism fâ'il) derived from the root "وسع" which means "to expand." This form indicates the doer of the action, and in this context, it refers to "We" (نحن) as the doers of the action. the part saying: "وَإِنَّا لَمُوسِعُونَ" would be "and indeed, We [are the ones who] expand it" or "and indeed, We are (its) Expanders". The pronoun in the Arabic text refers back to the object, which in this case are the heavens. This pronoun indicates that the action of expanding is performed on the heavens themselves in present tense (presently). Both translations (i.e. "We are its Expanders" and "We are the Ones who Expand it") accurately convey that the action of expanding is being performed by "We (God)" (نحن) in the present tense. While "With power" is not the literal translation of "أَيْدٍ,", but rather "With our Hands," interpreting it as "with (our) power" is a valid linguistic choice that is based on other verses (for example: When God creates, He says to it "Be", and it becomes), and the linguistic nuances of the Arabic language. In Arabic, the word "أَيْدٍ" (ayyidin) can be translated as "hands," but it can also carry the connotation of strength, power, or capability. 4. Does the Quran describe a solid and static sky that can crack?Ancient view of space.This verse above (The expanding universe verse, 51:47) serves as evidence countering the arguments of apologists who criticize the Quran by asserting that it teaches the existence of a solid firmament that can "crack" like glass. In this verse, we observe the concept of the heavens expanding. When the Quran mentions phrases like "Heaven fall upon you" or "Do you see any gaps?" it is referring to the atmosphere, which indeed physically can have gaps and has the potential to descend upon the earth in a physical sense, as in the event of a catastrophe such as an atomic explosion triggered in the middle of our atmosphere. Essentially, if God so desires, He can cause the atmosphere to descend upon the earth, resulting in catastrophic shockwaves that would obliterate everything in its path. But our heaven is not described as a solid firmament in the Quran. When God said, "So We opened the gates of the Heaven with torrential water" (Quran 54:11)while narrating the story of Noah and the flood, He was not referring to rain descending from our atmosphere or clouds, as some apologists claim. The word used is "بِمَآءٍۢ" (With water), not "rain." Instead, He was describing a gate in the highest heaven where heavenly water resides—a concept beyond our ability to verify. As believers, we accept its existence based on faith alone. However, suggesting that this gate is located in the "lowest heaven" (our visible universe) or, worse yet, our own little visible atmosphere, lacks foundation and is merely speculative, aimed at instilling doubts in the minds of Muslims and curious truth seekers. It is evident that God was not talking about a gate visible to humans; anyone who would think otherwise lacks wisdom. And no, the Quran does not assert that our blue sky is the water being referred to. Beliefs about the nature of the sky varied significantly among different cultures and time periods. By approximately 1400 years ago, many cultures had developed more advanced comprehensions of the sky and the natural world. For instance, ancient Greek philosophers like Anaximenes had proposed that the sky was not water, but air. Similarly, in ancient China, philosophers had conceived of the sky as a vast, empty space. Therefore, to assume that Prophet Muhammad had simply adopted the understanding of his time regarding heaven being blue water is merely a conjecture without any solid foundation. 5. The Pillars of Creation: The Nebula "Smoke"Eagle Nebula (M16)God says in the Quran: "Moreover, He Turned to the heaven while it was smoke. He said to the heaven and the earth: “Come (into being), willingly or unwillingly.” They said: “Here we come (into being), willingly.” (41:11)The term "ٱئْتِيَا" (i'tiya) is interpreted as "come into being" in translations, referring to the creation of the heavens and the earth by the Command of God (i.e. the "Be, and it becomes") rather than a simple command to come physically closer to God. This interpretation is supported by the context of the verse, which describes the creation of the heavens and the earth from a state of smoke (i.e. gas). The command is issued by God as part of the act of creation. Because the concept of "gas" as a distinct state of matter, separate from solids and liquids, was not fully developed 1400 years ago, ancient civilizations did not have a comprehensive understanding of the nature of gases as we do today in modern science. Therefor, using the word "Smoke" to describe Nebulas is a perfect fit, because smoke is made of gasses and dust. 6. What came first: heaven or earth, according to the Quran?https://preview.redd.it/s4k9vvr4lluc1.jpg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82545a64a59f85a5c5c273e99682261696f1ad3dThis verse above also proves that there was a heaven in existence before the creation of our earth, because "Moreover, He Turned to the heaven while it was smoke... Here we come (into being)..." proving that the Quran teaches that earth came after the creation of the universe, and it originated from Nebula gasses where all stars and planets come from, just as modern science teaches us today. The heaven "coming (into being)" is the Divine act of dividing them into seven universes, because the very next verse says so: "So He completed them as seven heavens in two "Yawmayni" (periods/days), and inspired in each heaven its matter. And We adorned the heaven of the world with lamps and as a guard. That is the determination of the Almighty, the All-Knowing." (41:12)The "Heaven of the world" is our visible space, filled with stars, moons, planets, galaxies, clusters and etc. We have no idea how the other six universes look like or what they contain. Many translators erroneously translate "as-Samâa ad-Dun'yâ" as "The nearest heaven." They do this because of the fabricated Hadith traditions. Some Hadiths discuss cosmological matters and describe the structure of these seven heavens, with "as-Samâa ad-Dun'yâ" often understood to refer to the "nearest" or "lowest" heaven. The Arabic literal translation, however, is "The heaven of the world" (i.e. our visible universe). Their erroneous translation has caused many to assert that the Quran is teaching that stars are placed in our atmosphere. What is interesting, however, is that our atmosphere also is made up of seven layers: 7. The seven atmospheric layers:The seven layers of earth's atmosphereThey are: (1) The Troposphere (2) The Stratosphere (3) The Mesosphere (4) The Thermosphere (5) Ionosphere (6) The Exosphere (7) The Magnetosphere. The Quran has a verse that implies this too, God says: "Do you not see how God has created seven heavens in layers, And made the moon therein a [reflected] light and made the sun a burning lamp?" (71:15-16)The words "أَلَمْ تَرَوْا۟" (Alam taraw) imply that this is something that is observable by us, which would be our own atmosphere, existing in layers. And then He says "And made the moon therein..." but the same is not said about the sun, it is simply said "...And made the sun a burning lamp?" without "therein." Our modern scientific knowledge teaches us that the Earth’s atmosphere stretches out to the Moon – and beyond, but not all the way to our sun, which would explain why God said "Do you not see..." and "a moon therein (in their midst)." This verse refers to seven different "heavens" distinct from those mentioned elsewhere, where stars are described as "lamps" in the heaven of the world. Because God makes a distinction between the moon and the sun and only says that the moon is located "within" these seven heavens in layers. We know that the "heaven of the world" (i.e. our universe) is adorned with stars: "...And We adorned the heaven of the world with lamps..." (41:12)But in this verse, God is mentioning seven heavens and a only a moon being placed in their midst. This can only mean that there's seven universes, and seven other "heavens" below these seven universes, because (71:15-16) only mentions the moon being within them. Since we can clearly observe the stars, then that means that stars must be above the moon (and these seven "heavens" in layers). Nonetheless, the seven universes that also are mentioned could likewise exist in layers, but there being seven "heavens" that we are prompted to "see" and there only being a moon in placed in their midst, totally implies that there's seven layers of our sky above us, and the other seven "heavens" (i.e. universes) are above them, but just not visible to us. A careful examination of Quranic verses evokes awe and amazement, revealing alignment with modern science without confusion for the truth seeker. With this, I conclude this part of the series, may God bless you for reading and sharing :) / By Exion. |
2024.04.15 05:45 krazykyle7 Living infohazard
I don't know why or where to post this, the various trauma or deep sibreddits didnt seem... I dunno... powerful enough to withstand my story, so I figured the subreddit where people announce their own deaths should withstand it well enough, consider this a warning, my story is about as fucked up as it gets, beyond children in chains covered in shit, beyond people getting gutted like pigs, I'm talking about the most vile, the most inhuman side of humanity in existence, if I could trade knowing this with getting stuck in a gas chamber surrounded by jews I wouldn't hesitate, so yeah, you've been warned
I don't really know where to start... theirs many things I accredit for, well, you'll see, so I'll start where I ended.
I was on a discord server called the "insane asylum", there I did my usual shitposting, went on like this for a few weeks, made some... looking back on it really fucked up friends when I saw an invite for a "marathon", I don't remember the exact wording but they described it as a series of progressively more fucked up scenes... you see where this is going, the first video I believe showed a street cam of a guy passing a bus in the city, he lost his balance, fell and his head got popped under the busses tire, his brain matter flew across the street just in front of an old lady with a cane. The next video showed 2 workers in some kind of machine, about 30 fps, completely silent, after a few seconds one of the workers vanished, replaced with a barely visible puft of steam, the third video was my only form of warning... one I still deeply regret ignoring, an where I qill remin you you can stop reading this, you heard the descriptions of the last two videos, you know this will only get worse, don't make the mistake I did, turn back, forget about me, whatever mental gymnastics you need to do to hide yourself from this hell is far, far better than knowing the truth, please... okay, you signed up for this, the hard video showed a naked woman strapped to a gurney, the camera was positioned and level with her vagina, which was tilted because she was attempting to roll on her side, I don't remember if the video played any audio, but I believe I heard her muffled cries, after a few seconds a gloved hand comes into frame, holding a pistol, the figure places the barrel of the firearm into her vagina, she makes a dulled crying noise, and they pull the trigger, her scream muffled to a dulled whimper, and the fourth video, the fourth video is what made me what I am now, what I go to bed each night thinking about, why I'm posting this on the suicide subreddit, and why I pray you won't follow in my footsteps,I have spent many, many years thinking about this 12 second video, I've replayed the memory so many times I'm convinced I've gone insane, I remember every detail, the cracks in the sidewalk, the sheen of the blade, the jadiz eyes of the victim, so I beg, one more time, to leave this post, leave and never return, I don't care what you've told yourself, "oh their just being dramatic, how bad can it be?" This is your final warning, after this my life will be splayed like the guts of those children, you believe you could bear my weight? Then go right ahead.
The fourth video starts with showing a blackish white male with black, curly hair bound hands and feet with rope, and gagged, it's dark out, approximately 2 am, the only light from the phone one of the bastarts used to film the event, one other figure stand to the right of the camera operator, only visible is the tip of a machete, swaying with silenced excitement, the hogtied victim stares at the camera, their pupils impossibly tiny dots, fleeing from the phones flashlight, the figure with the machete steps behind the bound victim, and rearing his arm, brings the blade thru the man's neck, it glides halfway thru, severing his air channel and flooding his neck with blood, the man turns his head away from the camera, twisting his body in bound agony, it's dead quiet, the machete has since been removed from his neck, after 2 seconds a "bluegh" sound accompanied with a spurt of blood escaos the man's opened neck, the only sound heard before he slowly, thankfully dies, after he lays still, the figures approach his bleeding corpse, and that is when I finally managed to close the video, I could feel the machete burrowed in my neck, all I could see was his face, like a doe caught in a trap, seeing everything and nothing, as if he knew he was dead, for hours I sat on my head holding a pistol, recognizing what this could mean for my family, all the past events of my life rising in a blood curtling chorus, all the inexplicable things I've before seen online, the episode of "fuck marry kill" I saw on youtube, the liveleak videos all across the web, the various horrific displays of barbarianism all across this place, it all made sense, and that day I still regret not pulling that damn trigger, all this could've been avoided, the thousands of hours begging myself to keep going, that someday I would know peace, some day, somehow, I would be free.
I now know that Is a lie, a fabrication my caveman brain made because instinct demanded it, that just because I was fuckes up did mean my reproductive buts weren't, if I wanted to make use of myself it would be to bring more innocent souls into this world, but knowing the fate of those innocent souls...I just can't...
A decent while ago I met my would-be lover, they were... impossible, they somehow managed to dull the feverish desires that since plagued my mind, to such a degree she made me feel... safe... I knew it wouldn't last, even with all the hardship they endured they could never match the hell I know of, they left me, and with it the only sense of peace I've ever known... I don't know how I survived, the thoughts... i was beginning to tear down the dam I used to keep myself contained, to function well enough to be kept out of an asylum, board by board, nail by nail, stone by stone, then they left, and my brittle dam was smashed almost instantly, all the trauma came flooding back with a vengeance I never thought possible, I could feel the blade logged in my neck, the bullet jammed into my spine, my guys swaying in the wind, every agonizing second promised nothing but more pain and death and fear, days and days and days have since passed, I still feel the blade in my neck, it's since dulled down, now a more precise and loose pain in the very center of my neck, as if it begs for the sweet release of death, to be put down like the monster I've grown to be, my heart also aches, whenever I think of a blade it grows painful, at times I can't tell if it wants me to keep going or to drive a blade thru its twisting strands of muscle.
My story doesn't end yet though, the worst is yet to come, you've been warned we'll enough, here you go
After surviving the video I mentioned previously and pieced everything together there was only one conclusion I could draw, the urban legend, the website no one can speak of, the dark web, was real, this was reinforced deeply by the video games "welcome to the game" 1 and 2, both involving digging thru the deep web to find parts of a url link that will take you to a red room where a woman is being held captive before days and days of torture leading to her indescribably painful death, all while being watched by hundreds of eyes, all desperate for more. You see where this is going, after I played the games my brain started to force thoughts into my head, seeing my family become the victims of those vicious freaks,for years now they plague my thoughts, even now I see them gutted, their flesh served to the highest bidder, all that remains is the unwanted bones and viscera, left to dogs in the alleyways. I will spare you the details, mainly because I refuse to put them to paper, and now where the "living infohazard" thing comes into play, since my discovery of the dark web one of the most prevalent thoughts I've had is me being responsible for someone else becoming a victim, so I never spoke of it, I've spent the last 10 years suffering in as much silence as I could muster, every second of misery hidden from those I love, those I care for, and I know what happens to those who speak of them, I heard a story of a brother who got into the dark web during college thanks to a fellow peer, the friend told him to never press a button, don't remember the specifics, so rhe brother, after a few weeks, does press it, and sees a red room mid stream, it's too much, he uses the chat to scream at the other viewers that they are monsters, again, the details are foggy, the other viewers seem to enjoy the brothers misery, and track him down. After a but they hack into the laptop he used to use the web, activate his laptops camera remotely, and show a livestream of the insides of a closet, only the slats in the doors illumated from the inside of the room, the closet door opens, releasing the camera operator is in full black attire and weilding a screwdriver, a child is sat opposite of the closet, wearing headphones and playing video-game, the man slowly approaches the child, and, revealing the recording devices is not handheld, grabs the child by the mouth, yanking the chair back to reveal his face, it is then revealed the child is the brothers brother, the details are never specified, the man presses the screwdriver against the child's heart, and slowly drives it in, the small child stands no hope of escape against the man, and slowly, the screwdriver peirces his heart. This is where the post ends, and with it, is where I will end this trauma dump. I do not know why I feel the need to type all this out, considering it contradicts years of trauma, but I suppose I've finally broken, maybe this will be the end of my life, met with a round to the heart, so I may finally escape this hell, or maybe you all could help me thru this, in some fashion, you've likely talked suicidal people away from the pills so maybe tour magic could work here, or your just as desperate as I am and believed this post would bring some reprieve from your traumatized lives, either way, that's my story.
submitted by krazykyle7 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
I don't really know where to start... theirs many things I accredit for, well, you'll see, so I'll start where I ended.
I was on a discord server called the "insane asylum", there I did my usual shitposting, went on like this for a few weeks, made some... looking back on it really fucked up friends when I saw an invite for a "marathon", I don't remember the exact wording but they described it as a series of progressively more fucked up scenes... you see where this is going, the first video I believe showed a street cam of a guy passing a bus in the city, he lost his balance, fell and his head got popped under the busses tire, his brain matter flew across the street just in front of an old lady with a cane. The next video showed 2 workers in some kind of machine, about 30 fps, completely silent, after a few seconds one of the workers vanished, replaced with a barely visible puft of steam, the third video was my only form of warning... one I still deeply regret ignoring, an where I qill remin you you can stop reading this, you heard the descriptions of the last two videos, you know this will only get worse, don't make the mistake I did, turn back, forget about me, whatever mental gymnastics you need to do to hide yourself from this hell is far, far better than knowing the truth, please... okay, you signed up for this, the hard video showed a naked woman strapped to a gurney, the camera was positioned and level with her vagina, which was tilted because she was attempting to roll on her side, I don't remember if the video played any audio, but I believe I heard her muffled cries, after a few seconds a gloved hand comes into frame, holding a pistol, the figure places the barrel of the firearm into her vagina, she makes a dulled crying noise, and they pull the trigger, her scream muffled to a dulled whimper, and the fourth video, the fourth video is what made me what I am now, what I go to bed each night thinking about, why I'm posting this on the suicide subreddit, and why I pray you won't follow in my footsteps,I have spent many, many years thinking about this 12 second video, I've replayed the memory so many times I'm convinced I've gone insane, I remember every detail, the cracks in the sidewalk, the sheen of the blade, the jadiz eyes of the victim, so I beg, one more time, to leave this post, leave and never return, I don't care what you've told yourself, "oh their just being dramatic, how bad can it be?" This is your final warning, after this my life will be splayed like the guts of those children, you believe you could bear my weight? Then go right ahead.
The fourth video starts with showing a blackish white male with black, curly hair bound hands and feet with rope, and gagged, it's dark out, approximately 2 am, the only light from the phone one of the bastarts used to film the event, one other figure stand to the right of the camera operator, only visible is the tip of a machete, swaying with silenced excitement, the hogtied victim stares at the camera, their pupils impossibly tiny dots, fleeing from the phones flashlight, the figure with the machete steps behind the bound victim, and rearing his arm, brings the blade thru the man's neck, it glides halfway thru, severing his air channel and flooding his neck with blood, the man turns his head away from the camera, twisting his body in bound agony, it's dead quiet, the machete has since been removed from his neck, after 2 seconds a "bluegh" sound accompanied with a spurt of blood escaos the man's opened neck, the only sound heard before he slowly, thankfully dies, after he lays still, the figures approach his bleeding corpse, and that is when I finally managed to close the video, I could feel the machete burrowed in my neck, all I could see was his face, like a doe caught in a trap, seeing everything and nothing, as if he knew he was dead, for hours I sat on my head holding a pistol, recognizing what this could mean for my family, all the past events of my life rising in a blood curtling chorus, all the inexplicable things I've before seen online, the episode of "fuck marry kill" I saw on youtube, the liveleak videos all across the web, the various horrific displays of barbarianism all across this place, it all made sense, and that day I still regret not pulling that damn trigger, all this could've been avoided, the thousands of hours begging myself to keep going, that someday I would know peace, some day, somehow, I would be free.
I now know that Is a lie, a fabrication my caveman brain made because instinct demanded it, that just because I was fuckes up did mean my reproductive buts weren't, if I wanted to make use of myself it would be to bring more innocent souls into this world, but knowing the fate of those innocent souls...I just can't...
A decent while ago I met my would-be lover, they were... impossible, they somehow managed to dull the feverish desires that since plagued my mind, to such a degree she made me feel... safe... I knew it wouldn't last, even with all the hardship they endured they could never match the hell I know of, they left me, and with it the only sense of peace I've ever known... I don't know how I survived, the thoughts... i was beginning to tear down the dam I used to keep myself contained, to function well enough to be kept out of an asylum, board by board, nail by nail, stone by stone, then they left, and my brittle dam was smashed almost instantly, all the trauma came flooding back with a vengeance I never thought possible, I could feel the blade logged in my neck, the bullet jammed into my spine, my guys swaying in the wind, every agonizing second promised nothing but more pain and death and fear, days and days and days have since passed, I still feel the blade in my neck, it's since dulled down, now a more precise and loose pain in the very center of my neck, as if it begs for the sweet release of death, to be put down like the monster I've grown to be, my heart also aches, whenever I think of a blade it grows painful, at times I can't tell if it wants me to keep going or to drive a blade thru its twisting strands of muscle.
My story doesn't end yet though, the worst is yet to come, you've been warned we'll enough, here you go
After surviving the video I mentioned previously and pieced everything together there was only one conclusion I could draw, the urban legend, the website no one can speak of, the dark web, was real, this was reinforced deeply by the video games "welcome to the game" 1 and 2, both involving digging thru the deep web to find parts of a url link that will take you to a red room where a woman is being held captive before days and days of torture leading to her indescribably painful death, all while being watched by hundreds of eyes, all desperate for more. You see where this is going, after I played the games my brain started to force thoughts into my head, seeing my family become the victims of those vicious freaks,for years now they plague my thoughts, even now I see them gutted, their flesh served to the highest bidder, all that remains is the unwanted bones and viscera, left to dogs in the alleyways. I will spare you the details, mainly because I refuse to put them to paper, and now where the "living infohazard" thing comes into play, since my discovery of the dark web one of the most prevalent thoughts I've had is me being responsible for someone else becoming a victim, so I never spoke of it, I've spent the last 10 years suffering in as much silence as I could muster, every second of misery hidden from those I love, those I care for, and I know what happens to those who speak of them, I heard a story of a brother who got into the dark web during college thanks to a fellow peer, the friend told him to never press a button, don't remember the specifics, so rhe brother, after a few weeks, does press it, and sees a red room mid stream, it's too much, he uses the chat to scream at the other viewers that they are monsters, again, the details are foggy, the other viewers seem to enjoy the brothers misery, and track him down. After a but they hack into the laptop he used to use the web, activate his laptops camera remotely, and show a livestream of the insides of a closet, only the slats in the doors illumated from the inside of the room, the closet door opens, releasing the camera operator is in full black attire and weilding a screwdriver, a child is sat opposite of the closet, wearing headphones and playing video-game, the man slowly approaches the child, and, revealing the recording devices is not handheld, grabs the child by the mouth, yanking the chair back to reveal his face, it is then revealed the child is the brothers brother, the details are never specified, the man presses the screwdriver against the child's heart, and slowly drives it in, the small child stands no hope of escape against the man, and slowly, the screwdriver peirces his heart. This is where the post ends, and with it, is where I will end this trauma dump. I do not know why I feel the need to type all this out, considering it contradicts years of trauma, but I suppose I've finally broken, maybe this will be the end of my life, met with a round to the heart, so I may finally escape this hell, or maybe you all could help me thru this, in some fashion, you've likely talked suicidal people away from the pills so maybe tour magic could work here, or your just as desperate as I am and believed this post would bring some reprieve from your traumatized lives, either way, that's my story.
2024.04.12 21:07 Specialist_Sale_7060 Sexuality Crisis Please Help
I'm 20 years old (female) and having like the biggest sexuality crisis ever.
When I was like 9 and found porn on some website, I stumbled across 'girls kissing' and I guess since that's what I found, I stuck to it, it seemed to be the porn I kind've watched, but for years I would only watch the build up to the kiss, the kiss and then turn it off as I suppose I was too young to have actual understanding of sex. Meanwhile, all these years, I had real life crushes on boys. I'm the kind of person that didn't exactly fancy every male in sight, but as soon as there was a boy I really liked, I became like obsessed with him, he'd be all I thought about, I remember even writing silly little diary entries and drawings. When I was thirteen I had my first (and to this day.. only lol) boyfriend, and I really... REALLY liked him. He was very charming, he was my first proper kiss and all I could think about was making out with him. As I went through the rest of high school, I had major insecurity issues, unfortunately thanks to this boy and the way he spoke about me and the reputation he gave me after we broke up (ugly) and didn't really have many other love interests. Also, neither did my friend group which I suppose gave me no push to as I didn't feel I was missing out. I think the main reason was I've had this persistent infection in that region since I was in year 9 that meant I wouldn't be able to interact sexually with any boys anyway, so I guess I just shut off from the idea altogether.
For numerous reasons I was diagnosed with depression in year 13 and when I went off to university in first year, I was on antidepressants and didn't want to go near anyone really. I suffer with incredibly low self esteem, so I wouldn't masturbate, have sex or anything. And again, since I still have this infection, I am still to this day unable to have sex with anyone. I kissed several men in clubs and whatever but I'd always had a drink and confidence is up when you've had a drink and I'd always feel prettier because I'd have a full face of makeup on. I put all of it down to low self confidence issues and the fact that I just don't believe anyone would find me attractive/love me, and I'm a huge overthinker so me being a virgin in my head would also put people off me because I wouldn't know what I was doing. There's so many celebrity men that I find attractive and I'll sit there for hours watching compilations of them (my flatmates think I'm insane).
There's your background. Now onto the more important stuff. I'm only turned on by lesbian porn. And when I'm watching it, I'm thinking about me having sex with women and how it'd be hot. This confuses me because never in my life have I seen a woman in like a club or bar or something and thought I'd like to have sex with her, or even kiss her for that matter. But the thought of it instantly turns me on. But the thought of having sex with a man, mostly, doesn't. There's a few selected videos of straight porn that I do watch but its like specific videos, whereas I can watch most lesbian porn and I'm really turned on. During this university year, there was a friend of a friend that I got off with several times on a night out, by the end I was virtually sober, and yet I was really into it and thought about it for a long time and actively sat in his living room a month or so after once everyone had left trying to get with him again😂. For the past 8 months we've lived in this uni house (I'm in second year btw), I have really fancied my housemate (male). I’ve overthought since then whether its a platonic thing but nonono: I always want to be the last in the room with him in the evenings, Id go to sleep imagining scenarios where we’d realise we both liked eachother and all that, and watching him kiss another girl in a club not long ago genuinely upset me that much I didn’t leave my room the next day at all really😅 so I’m not sure its a platonic love. I'm always trying to get him alone to kiss him but since this has never happened as he I don’t think feels the same way toward me, I have no idea whether in the moment I would want to go further with him. I don't know whether the idea of sex with men scares me, because I do fear penetrative sex, I've never internally masturbated (fingered myself) (i know, mental because im 20 but penetration has always scared me kind've for numerous reasons mainly linked to that stupid infection and feeling grossed out by my own vagina or whatever) , or whether I just don't want to have sex with men. I’m imagining this isn’t the case as in my head women are safer and wouldn’t judge my body the way men would , and also in my head when imagining sex with a man, penetration is the first thing I imagine bc that’s what straight porn heavily focuses on. But I just don't understand, because if there's no women in real life that I seem to find attractive or want to shag, why am I so turned on by boobs and lesbian porn? Is it a fantasy? And why if I'm attracted to men can I not get off to men? In real life, I think because of nerves and low self esteem, I'm only really like kind've horny when I'm drunk and the first think I'll think when I'm drunk is about kissing I boy a fancy, so I don't get it. Am I just scared of having sex with men or do I just not want to have sex with them? So confusing because I'm always longing for a boyfriend and like kissing and cuddling on the sofa watching movies and shit but I'm horny for the idea of having sex with women, not men. Very confused. Advice pleaseee
submitted by Specialist_Sale_7060 to TheGirlSurvivalGuide [link] [comments]
When I was like 9 and found porn on some website, I stumbled across 'girls kissing' and I guess since that's what I found, I stuck to it, it seemed to be the porn I kind've watched, but for years I would only watch the build up to the kiss, the kiss and then turn it off as I suppose I was too young to have actual understanding of sex. Meanwhile, all these years, I had real life crushes on boys. I'm the kind of person that didn't exactly fancy every male in sight, but as soon as there was a boy I really liked, I became like obsessed with him, he'd be all I thought about, I remember even writing silly little diary entries and drawings. When I was thirteen I had my first (and to this day.. only lol) boyfriend, and I really... REALLY liked him. He was very charming, he was my first proper kiss and all I could think about was making out with him. As I went through the rest of high school, I had major insecurity issues, unfortunately thanks to this boy and the way he spoke about me and the reputation he gave me after we broke up (ugly) and didn't really have many other love interests. Also, neither did my friend group which I suppose gave me no push to as I didn't feel I was missing out. I think the main reason was I've had this persistent infection in that region since I was in year 9 that meant I wouldn't be able to interact sexually with any boys anyway, so I guess I just shut off from the idea altogether.
For numerous reasons I was diagnosed with depression in year 13 and when I went off to university in first year, I was on antidepressants and didn't want to go near anyone really. I suffer with incredibly low self esteem, so I wouldn't masturbate, have sex or anything. And again, since I still have this infection, I am still to this day unable to have sex with anyone. I kissed several men in clubs and whatever but I'd always had a drink and confidence is up when you've had a drink and I'd always feel prettier because I'd have a full face of makeup on. I put all of it down to low self confidence issues and the fact that I just don't believe anyone would find me attractive/love me, and I'm a huge overthinker so me being a virgin in my head would also put people off me because I wouldn't know what I was doing. There's so many celebrity men that I find attractive and I'll sit there for hours watching compilations of them (my flatmates think I'm insane).
There's your background. Now onto the more important stuff. I'm only turned on by lesbian porn. And when I'm watching it, I'm thinking about me having sex with women and how it'd be hot. This confuses me because never in my life have I seen a woman in like a club or bar or something and thought I'd like to have sex with her, or even kiss her for that matter. But the thought of it instantly turns me on. But the thought of having sex with a man, mostly, doesn't. There's a few selected videos of straight porn that I do watch but its like specific videos, whereas I can watch most lesbian porn and I'm really turned on. During this university year, there was a friend of a friend that I got off with several times on a night out, by the end I was virtually sober, and yet I was really into it and thought about it for a long time and actively sat in his living room a month or so after once everyone had left trying to get with him again😂. For the past 8 months we've lived in this uni house (I'm in second year btw), I have really fancied my housemate (male). I’ve overthought since then whether its a platonic thing but nonono: I always want to be the last in the room with him in the evenings, Id go to sleep imagining scenarios where we’d realise we both liked eachother and all that, and watching him kiss another girl in a club not long ago genuinely upset me that much I didn’t leave my room the next day at all really😅 so I’m not sure its a platonic love. I'm always trying to get him alone to kiss him but since this has never happened as he I don’t think feels the same way toward me, I have no idea whether in the moment I would want to go further with him. I don't know whether the idea of sex with men scares me, because I do fear penetrative sex, I've never internally masturbated (fingered myself) (i know, mental because im 20 but penetration has always scared me kind've for numerous reasons mainly linked to that stupid infection and feeling grossed out by my own vagina or whatever) , or whether I just don't want to have sex with men. I’m imagining this isn’t the case as in my head women are safer and wouldn’t judge my body the way men would , and also in my head when imagining sex with a man, penetration is the first thing I imagine bc that’s what straight porn heavily focuses on. But I just don't understand, because if there's no women in real life that I seem to find attractive or want to shag, why am I so turned on by boobs and lesbian porn? Is it a fantasy? And why if I'm attracted to men can I not get off to men? In real life, I think because of nerves and low self esteem, I'm only really like kind've horny when I'm drunk and the first think I'll think when I'm drunk is about kissing I boy a fancy, so I don't get it. Am I just scared of having sex with men or do I just not want to have sex with them? So confusing because I'm always longing for a boyfriend and like kissing and cuddling on the sofa watching movies and shit but I'm horny for the idea of having sex with women, not men. Very confused. Advice pleaseee