I’m just tired of being like this it’s been 2 months of hell and the doctor doesn’t even know what’s going on with me I was perfectly normal and doing good in life and then I just wake up one day and I have hemroids and since that day I can’t pass gas regular I can’t use the bathroom normally it’s just like my digestive system doesn’t work my stomach and intestines make noises even if I just take a sip of water…
I’m just so angry I take miralax everyday to even make it possible to use the bathroom I stay in bed all the time except for 2 to maybe 3 20 minute walks which are the best part of my day but my hemroid gets irritated all the time and stings ☹️ I’m only 21 and just feel like everything’s over I’ve been to the doc so many times he did blood work and found nothing a pelvic ct scan found nothing and now I have to do a colonoscopy but it’s a whole month away
I’m so terrified everyday thinking about what this could be the symptoms are so pronounced I can’t forget about them or ignore them cause my intestines will just cry for mercy constantly when I have to pas has I have to focus on breathing and most of the time use my hand to help has get out… never in my life did I ever think that would be necessary I lost my job cause it hurt too much the first few weeks to work sit or stand I just miss being normal I want to go hangout with my friend and have some drinks I want to go back to work I miss tinkering on cars I miss working out I miss being me 😭
But it just seems like I’m not getting any better what happens if this colonoscopy doesn’t find the problem and I’m stuck like this I’ve tried finding people with similar symptoms but no one has the same problem it seems I’m tired of eating healthy chicken and vegetables everyday is awful I let myself have a soda a day just cause it’s something I can enjoy even video games and YouTube just are so boring now I’m all alone in this I hate my life I want everything back my car my job my health my friends my sense of humor all of it I’ve tried just pretending nothings wrong like I normally do I tried cracking jokes and making light of it but I’m not the funny guy anymore I’m sad quite depressed and cold i don’t smoke weed anymore or drink and fuck I miss it I quit smoking before all of this even started and didn’t ever look back but now I think about it a lot I miss the relaxation working out replaced it but that’s not an option anymore and I did relapse and smoke again but it just made it worse for a few hours I just wish I was okay I wish I could just talk to someone or get a hug is been actual years since I’ve even had a hug no one gives a fuck about me anymore

This post is about me venting about a bad trip I had. I tried weed 2 times before. The first time I had a bad trip similar to this but it was more about panicking and thinking I was gonna be stuck in that state forever. This time, I took one big hit of a HHC vape, I coughed like crazy and the most intense anxiety kicked in. I started thinking that im not like other people. I had this intense fear of not being normal. Looking around and seeing all my friends relaxed and laughing gave me even more anxiety. The trip was fueled with anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear. I was afraid I would be stuck in this experience forever and not going back to "normal". Basically my thought process was a constant debate regarding my sanity. I imagined different scenarios about getting into a psych ward which would only amplify my fear of being "abnormal". Furthermore I had this thought that my friends could somehow get in tune with the person they where talking too at a much less superficial level compared to me which lead me to justify my own belief of being abnormal and perhaps a bit "autistic" or not completely like everyone else. I'm not sure if this was psychosis or maybe just intense social anxiety or perhaps hypochondria or some unresolved issues i have. Other people view me as a funny confident guy and I have an easy time socialising but since I was young I've ALWAYS had a feeling that I am different and there is always a hidden fear of being different/weird. Sometimes when talking to other people I feel like I try so hard to act "normal", and likable and cool etc. Whatever that means, like socialising is a competition for approval. Furthermore I'm a medical student and currently I'm in psych rotation with an almost fanatic interest for psychosis. Dunno if it is a coping mechanism but it's like I'm trying to find answers that explain myself.

This post is about me venting about a bad trip I had. I tried weed 2 times before. The first time I had a bad trip similar to this but it was more about panicking and thinking I was gonna be stuck in that state forever. This time, I took one big hit of a HHC vape, I coughed like crazy and the most intense anxiety kicked in. I started thinking that im not like other people. I had this intense fear of not being normal. Looking around and seeing all my friends relaxed and laughing gave me even more anxiety. The trip was fueled with anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear. I was afraid I would be stuck in this experience forever and not going back to "normal". Basically my thought process was a constant debate regarding my sanity. I imagined different scenarios about getting into a psych ward which would only amplify my fear of being "abnormal". Furthermore I had this thought that my friends could somehow get in tune with the person they where talking too at a much less superficial level compared to me which lead me to justify my own belief of being abnormal and perhaps a bit "autistic" or not completely like everyone else. I'm not sure if this was psychosis or maybe just intense social anxiety or perhaps hypochondria or some unresolved issues i have. Other people view me as a funny confident guy and I have an easy time socialising but since I was young I've ALWAYS had a feeling that I am different and there is always a hidden fear of being different/weird. Sometimes when talking to other people I feel like I try so hard to act "normal", and likable and cool etc. Whatever that means, like socialising is a competition for approval. Furthermore I'm a medical student and currently I'm in psych rotation with an almost fanatic interest for psychosis. Dunno if it is a coping mechanism but it's like I'm trying to find answers that explain myself. Do you guys have any wise words?

Hello Apes.
Back with another review of all the tweets sent from memelord and cat inspiration, Roaring Kitty.
If you missed my first review for 13th May, you can find it here.
To reiterate, the description of each tweet is to the best of my knowledge the references made and the speculation is pure speculation on my part, this is just for fun and shouldn't be taken as any financial advice, make your own decisions, I just like the stock. If you have anything to add feel free to in the comments and I'll do my best to update the post.
11am - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790396654971224430
Description: The infamous scene from the movie Troy where Achilles rather reluctantly at first, comes forward to fight the mighty Boagrius. Achilles runs at him, defending against a few spear throws then with one epic jump and slide, stabs Boagrius with this blade killing him in one clean strike. The music dubbed on this clip is Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm of the War Drums by A Perfect Circle.
Speculation: Chosen warrior blessed by the gods comes forward in front of the masses and takes out the big baddie. You could make the speculation that the song could reference something to do with DRS (A Perfect Circle) and SHFs bleeding out (counting bodies like sheep).
11.30am - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790404203715887238
Description: First of all we have a cat talking to itself in the mirror stating the words, "Don't be the bigger person today, be the person that helps them understand that sometimes when you f**k around, we find out...". We then cut to arrested development where Buster who is portrayed as a bear has something to say, "i wanna shoot down everything you say, so i feel good about myself. cause i'm an uptight [insert copious amounts of swearing].
Speculation: First part DFV knows they (Shorts) have messed around again and have been doing it dirty. The gig is up again, time to close and pay up. The second part is a funny scene from arrested development where Buster, a character who just cannot fit in properly goes AWAL to try and show he has a nasty side, it just comes across as way too far. DFV just poking fun at bears here no doubt.
12:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790411757120561628
Description: First we have a scene from The Town where Doug says to James, "I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people." and James replies, "Who's car are we going to take?" Then it cuts to Mad Max where there are a load of sand buggy cars going nuts with flame throwers and all sorts of chaos with the song Du Hast by Rammstein playing in the background.
Speculation: I haven't seen the Town but from reading online this scene showed the amazing friendship between Doug and James when James simply replies, who's car are we going to take? in response to what sounds like a risky ask for help from Doug. Then with Mad Max: Fury Road we have a film about a post apocalyptic survivor in Max Rockatansky who eventually brings down a warlords Citadel (hmmm).
12:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790419301976903884
Description: First we have the whistling of Omar from The Wire, then we have a scene from the Kingsmen where they are locked in a pub with Galahad and the quote "Manners maketh man" and finally we have a scene from Oldboy with a big fight scene cut alongside some anime which is from demon slayer
Speculation: The whistling is synonymous with Omar and is to the tune of a nursery rhyme, "the farmer in the dell", anyone that watched The Wire would know instantly that this means Omar is coming and this means you best get out the way as he is coming with his double-barreled shotgun and he certainly won't hesitate to use it. The Kingsmen scene where they are locked in the pub is a particularly violent scene and it's an interesting film to reference, the plot *Film spoiler here* is essentially about a boy named Eggsy from a lower-class neighbourhood who's father dies and he finds out that his father was part of an elite inner circle of upper class. After trying to be part of this group, Eggsy discovers their secret plot to take over the world and takes it into his own hands to save the day. u/ ThePhenomNoku talks about the last 2 referenced films; "So the anime is demon slayer. It’s about a kid who has everything taken from him and trains to learn how to fight demons. Though as a sidenote he kind of carries one around with him. It’s complicated.The other movie with the guy holding the person, & the fight scene is the original Oldboy, and without giving too much of the plot away it’s about a dude who is falsely imprisoned for a couple of years or so, and then enacts his revenge."
Edit\* As u/ omegs points out: whistle is "The farmer in the dell, Hi-ho, the derry-o" reference to the circle. The movie Kingsmens: The Golden Circle as well
1:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790426851409817615
Description: Firstly we have the scene from Oceans 11 where Danny Ocean is chatting to Rusty Ryan right in the initial stage of their plan to heist the casino. He talks about how it's never been done before, will need planning and a large crew and Ryan asks if they are going to use guns, he replies "not exactly, there's lots of security" and finally Ryan asks "what's the target?". We then cut to a film i'm not aware (anyone help here?) of where an older gentleman shows a calculator to a young woman and the calculator says "Just up" on it then the woman says "yes that looks correct"
Speculation: In Oceans 11 there was a lot of planning and variables that had to happen for everything to work. It was a high risk high reward plan with a lot set up to go against but it's possible. The target has always been "just up", DFV just reiterating what he said in the first place.
1:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790434400494116873
Description: First we have a scene from Old School where he states, "A loophole?" "Yes. Well, it's interesting, sir. As stupid as they appear, they're actually very good at paperwork. It's quite an anomaly." then it cuts to a scene from the same film with the C&C factory everybody dance now song and a cheerleading dance attempt
Speculation: Of course with the loophole stuff it could be about all of the DD that has been done on what has gone on over the years but it could equally be about SHFs finding loopholes to get out of the mess they are in with the stock. The second part the judges clearly don't feel the attempt of the cheerleading or gymnastics piece they are portraying is any good but they are giving it a go and it's suppose to a comedy. Note the school is the cougars, cat links again of course.
Edit\* As u/ omegs points out: Loophole is reference to circle. Notice how the mascot is similar to a cat that does backflips into the center of the circle
2:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790441953659687421
Description: The first part is taken from The Batman and has Batman's monologue running and when the Batman signal is fired into the sky, a kitty shadow is shown instead of the Batman logo. It ends with an emphasis on "Fear is a Tool".
Speculation: Batman was of course a good hero who would rid the streets of criminals, they would scare just at the sight of the batman signal being fired knowing that they were about to get wrecked. In this clip, two years has been replaced with three years in the monologue and the kitty signal is of course a nice touch.
2:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790449499506192405
Description: This clip is taken from Mr Robot and is where Elliot plays eXit, a text based computer game that requires him to answer a series of questions in a text based game.
Speculation: I think it's best just to give the description of what happens in this scene taken from the fandom page. Elliot chooses to sit down with the friend in the dungeon. He lights a match and reads the note "Don't leave me here." Elliot chooses to stay. The alarm shuts off. An explosion happens nearby. Robot opens the door to find a fire raging outside. He concludes it's too late. Both of them sit down. They each say "I love you." Explosions rage around the room. "It's an exciting time in the world," Elliot says. Fade to red. Take from that what you will.
3:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790457051115847720
Description: This scene is taken from the movie Scream (2022), a direct sequel to Scream 4. A lot of the text has been changed but to summarize, one person states "he is making a requel" then there is some talk about the squeeze movie that came out last year and how most people in the actual know hated it and how "squeeze mid" pissed on their "covidhood", how the main character is a mary sue? Then a few cuts of Scream and how real squeeze movies have meta slasher whodunnits and that to some people the original is their favorite thing in the world
Speculation: A requel is A movie which revisits the subject matter of an earlier film but is not a remake or a linear continuation of its plot (i.e. a sequel or prequel). So essentially what is happening right now with the stock is not exactly the same of what has happened before but it is essentially a revisit of the same subject regarding squeezes. A mid squeeze implies that it wasn't as high as the squeeze could have gone and the theme of slashers and murdered people really suggests heads will roll (SHFs hopefully).
3:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790464599575167004
Description: This is a scene from Candyman where he has come for the woman. There is some cat flashes and images going on and the Woman in this is tagged as a bear (that is someone who is down on a stock or market, usually would short). Candyman talks about how there is no need for the bear to leave yet and that he was obliged to come then he says "be my victim" and a bumble bee comes out of the word be.
Speculation: Time is running out for the bear, they can hang around for a while longer but they will be the victim. This is more of the DFV is coming for you as he dresses himself up as a rampaging murderer targeting the bear in this case. Not sure on the bee, whether that is DFV just having some fun or if it's that a sting is coming in some sense.
4:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790472153470759217
Description: Taken from No Country for Old Men, Carson states he is a day trader and that Anton doesn't have to do this (Anton is going to kill him) tell him he could just go home. Carson continues that Anton could have 14 grand out of an ATM and just walk away before finally stating "do you have any idea how crazy you are?". Anton replies, "you mean the nature of these memes?" to which Carson says "I mean the nature of you!" The scene ends with the phone ringing.
Speculation: DFV putting himself into the mode of Anton from No Country for Old Men is quite the statement. For those who haven't seen this movie, Anton is a wrecking ball of a killer and adheres by his rulebook to seek out different people through the movie to take out. Carson being the desperate short seller here who is not understanding why DFV isn't just playing by the usual financial rules and taking his gains and going. The phone ringing at end could be an implication of margin calls ringing for the desperate short seller.
Edit\* As u/ omegs points out: I think the ATM might be a double meaning "At The Money"
8:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790532552828289526
Description: This is taken from Braveheart and the prisoner (William Wallace) is asked to say a word in a famous scene where WW shouts "FREEEEDOM" only in this clip its "GAMESTOOOOOOOP".
Speculation: This is the first direct reference to Gamestop word for word and it should be noted that this is the scene where William Wallace is about to be executed. Could mean that DFV is willing to risk it all for Gamestop like William Wallace martyring himself for the freedom of Scotland.
Hope you enjoyed.
Love ya DFV

After sixty-seven sessions of Curse of Strahd (read all about it here), it was time for a change. So into the wild we went...
My group is nearing the end of Hither, and along the way I've written summaries of each session ("What Just Happened?"), along with interesting/funny quotes from PCs/NPCs ("Certain Things Were Said"), and a list of new characters introduced that session ("Dramatis Personae").
My intention is to write the summaries for each of the five parts of the campaign in a different format. For the Witchlight Carnival, each summary was presented in verse (my own, no machine learning shortcuts!), using the metre and rhyming structure of various Lewis Carrol poems.
I'd like to share my summaries/poems with you all here, for posterity, and in the hope you'll find them entertaining.
For reference, the players are:

• Holafina (a harengon paladin who has lost three inches of height)
• Skerrek (a kobold druid who has lost the ability to lie)
• Arix (an owlin monk who has lost all sense of direction and is always hungry)
• Jexim (a brash fairy warlock who has lost his diary)
• Sylenos (a beatnik/slacker satyr rogue employed by the Carnival)

NOTE: Lewis Carroll was known to hide secret messages in his poems. I've done the same, revealing the campaign's big twist in one of the poems below. None of my players have picked up on it.

Part I: Welcome to the Witchlight

What Just Happened? (in the style of Jabberwocky)
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates, And those with tickets did arrive, Seeking things they had misplaced.
One harengon of curious size, A kobold with a slithy gait, An owlet who possessed two eyes As wide as Annam’s dinner plates.
Yet are we three or are we four? Let’s add vibrations rarefied: A Witchlight hand here to ensure That every guest is Satyrs-fied!
Enter now and taste the sounds, Feel these colours, smell those sights! Kaleidoscopic fun abounds This synaesthesiac’s delight!
Yet where’s the drama? Where’s the tension? Certainly we’ve had a switch (At least in here there is no mention Of that cad von Zarovich).
Instead let’s race a giant snail, Eat candied mushrooms by the pound, Or listen to a gnome assail The tightness of your mother’s gown.
Yet hark! A misadventure glum! Those not heroes please give berth! The best laid plans of love undone By Tasha’s wild unruly mirth
These mirrored halls! This desperate task, To find a luckless paramour A sweet-toothed lass with porcine mask That you could swear you’ve seen before…
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates And those with tickets did arrive, Now guided by the wiles of fate.
Dramatis Personae
Arix Specklefoot, a sweet-toothed owlin Holafina, a curiously short harengon Skerrek Tirael, a slithy kobold Sylenos, a cosmic satyr Nicholas Midnight, elderly goblin ticketmaster at the Witchlight Carnival Candlefoot, a mime and not by choice Rubin Sugarwood, a lovesick halfling Ween Sundapple, his laugh-sick paramour Glorange Turple, a poetry gnome
Certain Things Were Said
“I am worried about your ability to sense vibrations that I cannot.” - Skerrek Tirael
“Tymore, goddess of good fortune! Look well upon Shellymoo this day!” - Holafina
“Hate to say it, man, but that gnome really insulted your mother.” - Sylenos
“Snacks?” - Arix Specklefoot

Part II: Lost and Found

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Walrus and the Carpenter )
"The time has come," the Satyr said, "To talk of many things: Of poems—and props—and Jeremy Plum— Of crowns and pixie kings— And why things here keep getting lost— And what this pig-girl means."
"But wait a bit," the Owlin cried, "Before our minds do meet, For some of us are pretty spooked, And I would like a treat!" "No hurry!" said the Satyr, And kicked up cloven feet.
The Owlin and the Kobold Were walking close at hand, They smiled like anything to see The gates of Pixie Land. "If we could only stay a while,” They said, "it would be grand!"
The Satyr sighed so sulkily, Because he thought that Plum Had got no business to be there When all was said and done. (“It's rude of him," the Kobold said, "To try and spoil our fun!")
"Oi, Satyr," said the pixie king, "You've had a pleasant run! Should you be getting back to work?” But answer came there none And this was scarcely odd, because He had real beef with Plum.
Now Arix made a hamster friend Who offered up some clues. The others tried the riding-pug: A pleasant thing to do! (“The pug is fine," the Rabbit said, "But he’s no Shellymoo.”)
"How nice of you to come!” said Plum, "You all are oh-so kind!" Puddlemud said nothing as His teeth began to grind. The Owlin and the Kobold cheered: “That was our FAVORITE ride!”
“A wooden crown," fair Jexim said, Is what we need to come Our way along with golden paint For some un-princely sum.” The others stared, confused, and said: “Now where did YOU come from?”
‘Twas then the party dared approach The famous Mystery Mine Where psychedelic spectacles Broke the Satyr’s mind. (“I really wish,” Zephixo sighed, “You wouldn’t ride while high”).
Next Dirla pulled all kind of things Out of his wagon/portal: Bottles, bunnies, candlesticks, A shining blade of vorpal (Incidentally, there’s a word That kind of rhymes with purple).
“If you put your mind to it And searched for long enough, Do you suppose," the party said, "That you could find our stuff?" "I doubt it," said dear Dirlagraun, And gave a bitter huff.
Then he gave the Harengon The greatest gift by far: A copy of “Gnome On The Run” And bid them au revoir (Morgie would have laughed at that While trying to type slash “R”).
“I do believe,” the Satyr said, “That something is not right, And think we ought to pay a call To Messers Witch and Light.” “I think we ought,” the Owlin said “To first stop for a bite.”
But in their way old Thaco stood, A clown grown grim and surly: “Rabbit! Owlin! Pixie! Skink! You aren’t allowed to be-“ The Fairy interrupted him: “Wait, WHAT did you call me?”
Poor Thaco cried: “Things move too fast! And have since my debut In R-1: To the Aid of Falx From Nineteen Eighty Two! And if you’d seen what I have seen Then you’d smoke bubbles, too!”
Finally he stepped aside, At last the way was clear. The Satyr ambled stealthily With open eyes and ears And pressed them to a wagon large To see what he could hear.
"The time has come," Witch and Light said, "To talk of things galore Of prizes—plans—and kenku pests— and ever so much more— But first we’d better ask inside Those spying at our door!”
Dramatis Personae
Jexim, a puzzled, puzzling fairy Jeremy Plum, operator of the Pixie Kingdom and bestower of silly names Biscuit, a talkative hamster Pinecone, a riding-pug Zephixo, dwarven inventor and mastermind behind the Mystery Mine Ernest Wilde, middle-aged calliope master currently inhabiting the body of his pet monkey Marigold, his button-collecting goblin assistant Dirlagraun, a kindly but inefficient displacer beast, minder of lost children and property Thaco, a bubble-smoking clown who is long past his prime
Certain Things Were Said
"Worried I was, with talk of missing supper." - Arix Specklefoot
"Could you not just purchase a new pair?" - Skerrek Tirael "Not like this, man." - Sylenos
"If you'd see the things I've seen, you'd smoke a bubble pipe, too." - Thaco
"Is this it?" - Dirlagraun "NO." - Everyone

Part III: On the Trail of the Kenku

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Hunting of the Snark)
"Where the heck is our stuff? We just want to know This Harengon ain't getting bigger, Arix has no idea of where to go And lies send poor Skerrek a-quiver!"
"Would you get back to work?" Mister Light cried, Twirling his cane with a smile, "Otherwise find where this kenku pest hides; She's cramping this carnival's style!"
"Well, that was a bust," said our heroes, conferring, "Anyone got a suggestion? If we need to pull strings to get back our things Then there are some folk we should question."
"Time's an illusion, free will a delusion!" Sylenos' mentor decreed, "Get a contusion battling occlusions, Or relax and have some of this…wait, what was I saying?"
Sylenos proclaimed: "A genius flawed!" "A man/dragon ahead of his time." Skerrek looked at his claws; Holafina at paws, And the other two just rolled their eyes
"A centuar I'm not! I just made a bad trade The "Cloppinton's" just serendipitous, Now lend me your aid and you'll maybe persuade These horsies to drop some significance."
Then they took to the skies on a dragonfly ride (Holafina and Skerrek abreast), When you're this high there's just nowhere to hide (And to which Sylenos attests)
Now Skerrek honed on a runaway gnome Who was fleeing the carnage with glee, Holafina struck home and that's it for this poem For the gnome was the kenku, you see.
Dramatis Personae
Mister Witch, a matter-of-fact elf, devoid of pretense Mister Light, a flamboyant elf, luminous and coy Burly, a philosophical, pumpkin-helmeted bugbear Mandragon, a seeker of truth (and not much else) Diana Cloppington, a centaur who is apparently not, operator of the Carousel Northwind, a very forthcoming treant, operator of the Dragonfly Rides
Certain Things Were Said
"There’s something weird going on. For some reason everyone thinks I don’t do anything around the carnival." - Sylenos
"It's true, Miss Cloppinton! We've ALL lost things." - Arix Specklefoot
"Wait, when did we have biscuits?" - Jexim

Part IV: Through the Looking Glass

What Just Happened? (In the style of A Boat Beneath a Sunny Sky)
Now hear the Kenku’s strange reply (As Arix struggles to apply Triage to these pixie guys)
Asking questions, getting nought Set her on a different course: High sabotage without remorse!
And what has got her so irate Is what’s she trying to intimate: Zybilna has been quiet of late!
Ignore the rest, and let’s take flight To confront dear Witch and Light (Surprisingly, they’re quite contrite)
To keep the carnival in motion A tapestry of lies was woven: A deal with the Hourglass Coven!
Who take from those who can’t afford Entrance through the Witchlight’s doors Miscellanea adored
So THAT’s who taken all your junk! Time to find these Hourglass punks! Which way to this Feywild dump?
But first we’ll make a brief aside So Candlefoot can vocalise His mermaid love (now legalised)
Now the pair can tie the knot And while we’re passing time why not Ride the fabled Bubble Pot?
Yet ere you all are translocated (Everybody’s breath now bated) Arix must be coronated!
The time of truth has come at last Hesitation as you pass Though the hallowed looking glass
Are you afraid to lose your minds? What lies ahead? What lies behind? What do you expect to find?
Will Skerrek ever fabricate? Or Holafina emulate A bunny’s median height and weight?
Shall Jexim’s memoirs find acclaim? Can Monty locate Bobbitt Fane? (…hang on, that’s a different game)
Does Arix ever find the door? And will Sylenos flee the cause To study unemployment law?
Dramatis Personae
Kettlesteam, a mischievous patron of Zybilna Paleesha, a mellifluous mermaid, now reunited with Candlefoot
Certain Things Were Said
“Sylenos, perhaps in eight years you can come back and find your lost employment.” - Skerrek
“Ask me where the exit is.” - Arix Specklefoot “Where is the exit?” - Mister Light “I don’t know.” - Arix

On another Korean subreddit:

• Parent Accusing Me of Sexual Misconduct
• School is asking me to hide from the parents and come to work in private

If you have your blackbelt in Hagwon Ju Jitsu, the first thing (and this is what I DM'd the user) is to be highly suspicious of the take-down move going for the legs of "A parent / student said" maneuver. In search bar: Hagwon: Phantom Complaints. How to Fight Back
My clairvoyant comment 4 years ago:

If they need to get you out in a hurry, expect the scare tactic, "You molested a kid! Quick! Run to the airport and leave us all your money before we call the police!" -Hmmm, funny the PARENTS didn't call the police instead of the money-grubbing Hagwon owner.

The first 🚩 red flag 🚩 is, most places on earth would not have the staff contact you about a serious misdeed. The first time you heard about it would be a knock on your door from the police, and be told not to return to work until the situation has been resolved. This is because you are a flight risk and informing you of a crime would be the stupidest thing they could do. A Hagwonite mulling over whether to have the police involved is a clear sign it's made up. If an accusation is serious enough to be made by anyone, then there would be an official complaint made to the authorities. They would quickly take it from there, no one would tip you off the wheels were in motion.

Also, I was told to move out of my apartment to make way for a new teacher, I am constantly being micromanaged, surveilled, and pulled into arguments, and now I'm receiving messages that a parent is accusing me of sexual misconduct.

🚩 Red flag #2 is that the relationship has been increasingly threatening, abusive, hostile etc. The foreigner hasn't taken the hint that they are not wanted and should pack up and head out, Midnight Run it. The Achilles heel of Hagwonites is to push the shame on to the target. They QUIT, couldn't handle it, were failures, left us high & dry without notice, broke the contract, have to stack classes on the other teachers, everyone is a victim because of their selfish actions! They don't want to fire people except as a last resort due to labor laws and avoid looking like they abused a person that didn't do anything wrong. Why expend so much energy, stress, shouting, screaming, threatening, stalking, getting into daily pissing matches with an employee when firing them (especially easy while they are on probation) can be done with a Thanos finger snap? Like I said, they do everything they can to harass someone out the door, rather than fire them. Read on and see the continued histrionics this director will go through instead of doing the simple and obvious. Search bar: Resign, or I will harass you until you do!

First, it was all the arguments, one of which included the director screaming at me and almost crying on the phone at 8 pm while driving because I taught the students to spell "Cabbage" instead of "Lettuce".

🚩 #3--Never underestimate the depths a Hagwonite will stoop, to make a mountain out of a molehill. They are not very smart to begin with, so they find the smallest turn-signal violation and exaggerate it into a 1st degree felony. That's happened to me, and I simply responded, "Yeah, so what?" I didn't allow them to drag me in to apologizing, groveling, get into the weeds about literally nothing, or any of that. The argument for the next 10 minutes was whether it was important or not, and if the subject was befitting someone in a management position who should be able to discern things that need attention and things that can be ignored. The intent is to harass and they won't leave until they have exhausted all of their energy and are happy with the victim's response to it. I concluded by saying it was not important and I'm not changing anything. They can teach the class themselves if they think they can go the entire day without making a single error.
🚩 Red flag #4, ridiculous reasons and excuses, -no evidence.

I eventually received a call from the director telling that one of the parents believes that her daughter saw my private area in the bathroom (I am a male teacher and this accusation or anything close to it never occurred)

1. Oh yeah? Which parent? What's the student's name, which classroom of mine is she in, what time did this occur, and why would she be in the men's bathroom? Let me see the CCTV footage?
2. It's so weak, it's obviously made up. The foreigner would certainly have seen a student of the opposite gender in his bathroom and told them to leave and would not have unzipped anything if that happened.
3. What is a student doing entering or peeping into the men's rest room in the first place? That sounds like student misconduct to me. Why isn't the parent being told to correct their child's behavior and none of this would be an issue?
4. It's not illegal to pull your junk out in the rest room and try to relieve yourself, that's what it's for, it's not the hallway or classroom.

In the follow-up: School is asking me to hide from the parents and come to work in private
is by-the-numbers attempt to continue to harass, but the director doesn't know what to do after a lawyer was called. So first it was a "major" problem of exposing himself to a student, then when a lawyer contacts the school, that was an even bigger error by the employee. Wow, no one can ever do anything right in that place.

Fast forward, the attorney contacted the school, the school says no police were coming to talk to me, but instead, the school talked to the police already on my behalf and I will not be talking to police, so I shouldn't worry.

--NONE OF THIS HAPPENED! Ask the attorney to call the precinct and ask for a copy of the POLICE REPORT. They have to fill out any interaction with the public so it's not all from memory, even if no action is taken. The next officer that fields a call about it, can pull up the report and get a summary of events, dates, names etc.
Yeah, "don't worry" I talked to the police about your felony charge, fine, deportation, and de-escalated the situation for you. You're welcome!

AND IT JUST GETS STUPIDER

Now, my school is asking me to no longer come to work at 9 am and greet the parents, but instead, come to work 30 minutes earlier, hide from the parents, not teach kindergarten anymore, and sit behind a computer on a different floor, alone, doing random administrative tasks.

--A blackbelt would NEVER come in to work 30 minutes earlier without pay, should come a hour later since he's not teaching anyway. He should absolutely make his presence known to the parents and children so that the lies they were told, would visually be false. They are trying to hide the employee until they quit or get fired, or may have already told everyone a lie that he ran off w/o notice, because that's what they were expecting from the false sexual exposure claim.
Why cooperate? Come down from 2nd floor, walk around, enter the classroom, say hi to everyone when they show and leave.
Why would the other 4 foreigners cooperate? This is a serious accusation, they should all refuse work until the director is made to apologize and reinstate the teacher.
They are apparently bleeding student numbers, are in way over their heads, barely a year old, are over-staffed now, and need to shed labor costs. A foreigner strike would be the nail in the coffin. They would have to reverse themselves, or face foreclosure in about a week after parents yank their kids not having a NET teaching them. A Hagwon blackbelt, seeing his opponent down on one knee would totally punk them in the face with a Mortal Combat upper-cut finishing move. You threaten me with a felony, ruin my life, no mercy for you.
A golden opportunity to bring them into bankruptcy will undoubtedly be totally wasted. It's like the entire defense fell down, and the person with the ball is not sure whether they should go for a lay-up or not.....ridiculous.

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/WcUX9AP
Good gravy, these visuals. This is the most visual flair they've ever had in a battle up until this point. More on the particulars later. Unfortunately the music is comparatively pretty weak and unmemorable, with the notable exception of the track that plays during Austin Powers' bits.
So, Daniel Craig Bond's first verse. "[insert Bond villains here] were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are." that's a decent burn, but man, I always feel bad for Austin Powers when Bond says this. Powers looks genuinely hurt, quit bullying Powers, Craig Bond! "I'll go balls to the Walther on this wack twat in an ascot; Blast shots atcha like gas from the back slot of a fat Scot!" Intellectually I acknowledge that there is some somewhat clever wordplay going on here, but I can't say I particularly care for these lines. The "I'm licensed to kill; you couldn't get a learner's permit!" is an alright diss I guess. The lines comparing their filmography and tying in You Only Live Twice into the diss... I dunno, something feels so rote and lifeless about this burn. It's competent, but it's not doing much for me. The best part of this verse is easily the "B on D/beyond me" diss, fun wordsmithing there. The closer is competent, reference to Golden Gun, sure, that's fine, but I ain't writing home about it. I'll go into more detail about this towards the end, but I'm not a fan of this verse, I think Craig Bond as a rapper is a fairly bland character and that the background visuals are having to compensate hard for his lifelessness.
Austin Powers opens his verse by acknowledging that he has been catfished by Craig Bond, which I think is a ton of fun. The visual of Austin Powers splitting into rainbow versions of himself as his track with the horns starts blaring is just fantastic. "Basil Exposition told me this would be boring; but Jesus, man, even my mojo's snoring!" This isn't a particularly clever line or a powerful diss, mostly seems like an excuse to drop a couple references, but I'm in full agreement with Austin Powers here. Craig Bond's performance was boring. Austin Powers proceeds to mock Craig Bond for his hairless body, contrasting it with his own glorious chest bush. I love how much confidence Austin has in his sexiness despite not being the least bit conventionally attractive. I also love this set with Austin, his buddy, and these women all rocking out. The computer-generated visuals of Craig Bond's backgrounds are impressive, sure, but actually having this wacky set made for the battle really elevates it to a new level in terms of presentation. And all these close-ups of Austin's eyes, mouth, and ass getting slapped... much more flair than their usual fare. Austin Powers threatens to hypnotize Craig Bond with a strip tease and I just... look, I'm not saying these are great lines, on paper Austin does not have the strongest disses, but this verse is just so FUN. The dancing and choreography with Austin's visuals are top-notch, love him slapping his ass on the spinning bed. "You're defenseless, my rhymes can't be deflected, you're like all the sex I've ever had: unprotected!" is genuinely hilarious. "People want a hero with a little personality; no one wants to sit through your gritty reality" is definitely encapsulating the vibe I feel on the question of James Bond vs. Austin Powers. Powers then goes in for a nice blow with the line about them making Thunderball twice. "I'm one of a kind, you're always getting remade" goes hard, even harder nowadays than it did back when this was made. "You can't touch me, double oh behave" is a cute reference, but it's not anything more than that, same tier of verse closer as Craig Bond's.
Then we have the misfortune of returning to Craig Bond's gritty reality. "I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown, I should... be on an island with a fucking model by now" is really weak. It feels ad-libbed. You're not too cool for this rap battle Craig Bond, you're actually not nearly cool enough. Craig throws in a reference to the penis pumping joke from Austin Powers, we get a little failed interjection from Powers, and that's fun. Craig Bond does get a strong blow in with "but I'm the original model that your frilly ass mimics"; a powerful argument that you can't take away from Craig Bond.
Until Sean Bond comes in and takes that away from Craig Bond with a cheeky "I wouldn't exactly call you original". Good stuff. The BDSM joke is whatever. "Your performance doesn't stir me and I'm certainly not shaken" is an amusing reference to his famous quote, maybe a little obvious and corny, but what really helps sell it is the way it segueways into "if I wanted shitty acting in my action film, I'd go and watch Taken". Fun! "I don't need a Q to break your balls" is some good wordplay. I remember watching this with my family years ago, and my father groaned at Bond's closing Gold Bond joke and said "That's terrible." and... yeah, I kind of have to agree. It's a good jab and the wordplay isn't without its wit, but there's something so goddamned cheesy about it. Can't help but roll my eyes when he smugly looks at the camera and says 'Gold Bond'. It's the phrasing and line delivery, I think. This joke might have landed better if they refrained from trying to tie it into that famous quote.
Austin Powers makes a valiant effort to get back in the battle, but gets bitch slapped for his troubles.
There's something so... for lack of a better term... beta about the way Craig Bond comes in and touches Sean Bond's arm to get his attention. "The world has had quite enough rug-wearing misogynists" is accurate, albeit not the most clever.
Austin Powers shows Craig Bond up by carrying that line of argumentation further with an amusing bit about Sean Bond being a rapist. I love how uncomfortable Austin Powers seems.
"If they made a mini-me they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage"... that's so lame, guys. Come on.
"Or maybe they should cast a Bond who's actually English" winds up seeming like way stronger of a burn than it is for the fact that Sean Bond takes so much offense to it he feels the need to slap Craig Bond hard for it. Austin's awed reaction in the background is quite funny.
"Why, Pussy, aren't you the cunning linguist?" Har har har.
I like the way Craig Bond takes Sean Bond's wordplay and uses it to mount a counteroffensive, he delivers a couple real solid lines here.
Sean Bond's closer is pretty unremarkable. I guess I could charitably consider it to be of the same caliber as the closers for Craig Bond's and Powers' first verse closers, a cute little reference but nothing more. Austin Powers continues to be the best part of the battle as he rises up into the frame, enamored with his opponents.
Alright, so... I think Craig Bond gives one of the dullest and most unmemorable performances in ERB history. For one thing, his face is just not very expressive here; it's like he constantly has one facial expression. Even when his face is contorting a bit to try and express anger he still looks the same. I don't know to what extent that's just the actor's physical appearance, or if it's a deliberate choice as part of the Craig Bond persona, or what, but watching him perform feels like watching a flat line. It doesn't help that he just looks like some guy. Austin Powers and Sean Bond have very distinct and flashy appearances, but with Craig Bond it looks like they just brought in some random guy off the street and gave him a suit. Maybe that's accurate to Daniel Craig's Bond, but it's a problem for this rap battle regardless. This guy is so nondescript he's regularly getting upstaged by his backgrounds. Another issue I have with this battle is that it clearly does not respect the existence of Austin Powers as a rapper. I could be misremembering, but I believe I've heard that the creators said they didn't like the idea of a parody rapping against the character they're based on, and that this one ultimately got made because they could turn it into a Bond v. Bond battle. Personally I think the idea of having a parody go up against the original is vastly more interesting of a matchup and that Bond v. Bond is the thing that isn't really worth doing. I'd rather this have just been a battle between Austin Powers on one side with two verses and one or both of the Bonds on the other. I also want to say that this is one of the best and most un-NicePeter performances Peter has ever given; I had to go on the wiki and double-check to make sure Peter actually played him. I think Peter has an issue with a lot of his characters sounding same-y, but this sounds nothing like him. It doesn't look like him either; it's not just that the costuming is great, the dancing and mannerisms are real different from Peter's usual stuff. Just look at that pose he strikes on the right at 1:13. So good. One of Peter's best characters.
Anyhoo... I'd put this battle in B Tier, below Ghostbusters vs. Mythbusters but above Robocop vs. Terminator. The Craig and Sean Bonds have their moments, but their parts greatly pale in comparison to Austin Powers... but even then, Austin Powers' verse isn't that great, it's more supremely entertaining than expertly written. It shapes out to being a solid battle that still leaves a lot to be desired.
I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm saying Austin Powers>Sean Bond>Craig Bond. Austin Powers is the entire reason I revisit this battle.

I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X

How's it going? Thanks for checking out my post. Here goes...
About me: I was a ditch digger, then a trombonist, then a motorcycle mechanic, then an Air Force avionics technician, then a college art teacher, before becoming a tattoo artist and opening my own studio.
I'm a vegetarian (not for ethical reasons) since 1993, I walk 3 miles every day, I haven't had any alcohol since 1980, and I've never used tobacco/smoked anything (including weed). Totally down for responsible psychedelic use though. 🍄
I enjoy cooking, taking twice daily tea, attending concerts/museums/galleries, accompanying my goofy affectionate pitbull to the dog park, taking hot baths, making art with my friends, designing and building electromechanical clocks, afternoon naps, listening to podcasts (OTM is my favorite), visiting parks/thrift stores, vintage film photography, admiring hand embroidery...
Seeking: an ideally long-term relationship with a kind, funny, brilliant, honest, svelte redhead woman who's into communicating and showing up regularly, going on adventures together, co-equal nurturing and support. Bonus points if you like Glücksschwein and/or Steely Dan, and if you'd care to accompany me for sunrise tea at Bryce Canyon.
Open to long-distance at first, but if things are going well, I'll want you to relocate to Houston sooner than later--my house, family, and business are here.
If you've read this far and are interested, what's something you've enjoyed creating lately?
DMs welcome :)
Texas #TX #Houston #Redhead #Ginger #Red Hair

Hello, it has become clear to me that romantic fulfillment is a fruitless pursuit, and in a bid to avoid unnecessary suffering, i would like to kill any romantic or sexual desires i may have.
I lack the social grace to charm people, and i have nothing to make up for it. I am prone to limerence, which has lead to some terrible spinouts that are often only visible to me in retrospect. I don't really have an issue making friends, people seem to like me. However, I am terrible at navigating anything more than a platonic friendship.
21, male, Never dated, not due to lack of trying, but rather lack of opportunity, I live in the middle of nowhere, and never went to public school (homeschooled + online college). Real bad ADHD, probably somewhere on the spectrum, on antidepressants, and im sure a litany of other problems i could be diagnosed with.
So far, ive found that, ironically, stimulants are the best answer, at least for sexual desire. Adderall turns me into a eunich for a soild 5 hours a day. Caffeine and nicotine are also highly effective, though the effects last much shorter. I didn't notice any real effect from the SSRI im perscibed (citalopram), maybe a slight dulling in desire. Weed and alchohol are classic "thoughts-b-gone" tools, but they also greatly restrict your ability to do much exept for sit on the couch, at least in effective doses.
Overall, im not looking for a "juzt b urswelf!" pep talk. If i wanted that, im one google search away from hundreds of websites trying to sell me dating coaches or Betterhelp subscriptions (funny that people just kind of forgot about that whole "unlicensed licensed therapist" thing, those checks gotta be fat).
What I want is an off switch.
If all I have to do is "wait for the right one", id rather not suffer while doing so.

Should I (27M) leave my alcoholic baby daddy (36M)?
Hey everyone
I need some advice on what you would do in my position.
I met the father of my son about 3.5 years ago, we both were in the ‘party scene’ however him more than me as he is 9 years older so had a lot more time in it and more time to have bad habits stick if that makes sense. I’m now 27 and he’s 36. We met at 24 and 33.
He has a lot of bad habits, he is an alcoholic and addicted to drugs (weed and coke) and has a history of lying. He smokes weed every night (the weed I don’t really mind, he needs it to calm his overactive brain), drinks at least 500ml of scotch a night, and does half a gram of coke every week or second week. He also smokes cigarettes inside the bathroom which I find so gross. I know in a way I ‘signed up for this’ but I was genuinely hoping he might want to change. We haven’t slept in the same bed for over two years, he passes out on the lounge every single night. He also has a tendency to look up girls he knows as his wanking material after getting on it, lately it has been the same girl (this girl is the sisters of one of his mates wife, the last time it was a girl he used to work with). He knows I don’t like it but he continues to do it.
Now on the flip side, he’s my son’s father. He’s ambitious and very well off, he has paid off investments which means neither of us have to work if we don’t want to. He pays for a brand new sports car that I get to drive myself and my son around in on the daily while he drives my old hatchback. He says he loves me, he does act like it. He’s funny and we are both very attracted to each other.
We don’t have joint accounts though, and I do work a little bit and I find that most of my money goes towards buying him alcohol since he doesn’t like to leave the house much.
He doesn’t really help much around the house since he gets drunk every single night, but he does like to cook.
I guess I just don’t know what to do. Is this worth ending the relationship over? If we were to end, I would go back to a little room with my son at my mums place, would have to find a full time job to support him and myself which means I won’t get to see him as much. I’m sure he will want to take our son too which means I won’t get to be with him as often as I am now.
I also recently found out about him wanking over the girl this morning. But at the same time it doesn’t hurt as much as the first few times I found out. Does that mean I don’t love him? I find myself withholding affection majority of the time because I’m so upset and anxious and annoyed that he won’t stop drinking every single night amongst everything else.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any answers. I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. Just other perspectives, and if I should leave and give up being with my son 100% of the time?

https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2024/05/14/no-easy-answers-lds-parents-wonder
Might be behind a paywall, I have JavaScript turned off on the page so I can read it anyway 😅 I'll put up some quotes and give a tl dr: basically tons of research shows that waking up early as a teen is extremely bad for your mental health, but the church doesn't care.

A mounting body of evidence indicates that teens not only need more sleep than adults but also that hormonal shifts make it harder for them to go to bed before 10 or 11p.m. At the same time, researchers have gained a clearer picture of the risks associated with teenage sleep deprivation, among them serious mental health issues and substance abuse.
Tired teens, recent studies have discovered, are more prone to major depression and risky behavior, including drug experimentation. One study, published in 2023, found that sleep-deprived adolescents were about twice as prone to suicide ideation and consideration, even when adjusting for sexual identity, trauma, bullying and other related factors. Another, published the year before, suggested a possible link between poor adolescent sleep and an increased risk of schizophrenia.

The church won't make any changes, and the parents and kids are brainwashed into thinking it's worth the "sacrifice". They have other options, like online or late night classes, but since they're not the norm kids and parents still feel the pressure to keep the status quo and do regular seminary. It's a classic "cultural" problem where the church refuses to acknowledge the influence it has on the problems it causes.
My two cents: I definitely don't have any lasting sleep disorders exacerbated by seminary /s 🙄 Jazz band at my high school was before school, my freshman year I just went to seminary instead, but then we tried having seminary just for a handful of band kids after school. For whatever reason by my junior year we switched to extra early seminary at 5:45am (I know a ton of people that had it that early as well in other districts and states). I slept through every class that wasn't active (like band or drafting) every single day of that year and the next. I even had to drop out of honors pre-calculus because I just couldn't stay awake.
The kids in most classes referred to me as "that sleeping kid". Though to be fair it was pretty funny when I got the second highest score on the practice AP physics test and the guy who sits next to me was like "what?? He's asleep ALL THE TIME" (I didn't do as well on the actual test though 😅).
And now in my thirties it's almost impossible to even get out of bed without Adderall or a large amount of caffeine, and it's impossible to get to sleep without Ambien or a large amount of weed (and yes, that includes days where I didn't take stimulants, and vice versa). This research on how much sleep teens actually need is almost a decade old, and some high schools have even pushed back their start times because of it (and consequently saw a noticeable bump in their test scores). And the church still won't address this issue that's actually harming kids. They either don't care about the kids outside of Utah or really appreciate how much easier brainwashing is when you're sleep deprived.

You ever see one of those pictures,
Where a person is wrapped around
themselves like boa constrictors?
Screaming silently to the world,
with their devestated scriptures?
Hands up,
around their face,
Eyes wide like they just got sprayed down with mace.
Twisted
And contorted,
The very space around them distorted.
Like their very mind
Has been extorted.
Broken nails, crazy hair and shit?
Naw, it couldn't be me with the broken jaw, losing myself in a fit.
The echoes catch up and they scream,
Heaven knows if things are really as they seem.
I couldn't.
I wouldn't.
I shouldn't.
Shush now,
don't tell me what I can't resent.
A life I can't afford,
Strife by your accord.
Full stop.
Pull cord, steep drop.
Do I call the medic
Or the cop?
Is it me
Or the mannequin
being used as the prop?
Shot gun,
Make rot run,
Common n' show me what you got,
Hun.
Inhale,
Exhale,
Don't let them see you fail.
Erase your trail.
Stay calm,
Ignore the banshee's wail,
She can't find you
In the sleet and the hail.
Hood to mask my face,
Hunted down,
But they insist this isn't a race.
Being followed into the alley,
Quick, hop the fence without dally.
I should have left you a note,
Just to tell you what this was all about.
The hollow man,
Who just wants heaven's call,
Oh, to live again.
Eyes twitching in the dusk,
How can I be weighed down and still be such a hollow husk?
The ferry man waits for no one,
And I'm running to him like I am fleeing from the gun.
Funny how it is all the same,
Sunny day, embrace the cold barrel,
And that is the end of this game.
Just a sad sap,
Driven mad by a nonexistant gap.
I can't help that I always resurrect,
Like some tattered, but unflappable, insect.
I can't count the amount of times I've been crushed under your boot,
The number of rhymes I've written covered in the soot.
Of a burnt out flame,
Turned out by another who needed me to take the blame.
Just write it down, they say,
What swill, believing the pen and the pad is the way.
They don't care about your emotional release,
Like hens, they are just going to cluck without cease.
Fuck a triple entendre,
Tried it before, and still got stuck with nadda,
Pried myself away from the god ah the underworld,
But, I gotta say, my blood curled, when I learned,
It's true what they say, the devil wears prada.
She took my will to write, like it wasn't a bodda.
But they still poke and prod a dead body,
theynod at each other, with lecherous eyes that are so gawdy.
Like,
Fuck it,
He's dead.
Find the last of his coin,
Pluck it,
And then fill his boots with lead.
Into the ocean of lost souls,
Built up our shoals, ignoring the costs and the tolls.
I'm sinkin',
I'm drownin',
These pricks don't got an inklin'
About why I'm frownin'
I could switch hit a beat,
Without a hitch,
Have you on your feet.
And I'd still just be the guy who doesn't offer sunshine,
The scum fuck
Who wasn't smart enough not to cross the line.
Too gruff,
Too willing to call a bluff,
Life's tough,
And I've had enough.
You're killing me with this stuff,
Woke up in the dark waters,
My wrists in a cuff.
So,
Before you can fill my lungs with water and bile,
I'm fleeing this sinking city and I won't stop for a country mile.
Into a land,
Not so vile,
Where every conversation isn't a trial.
Where my blackened wings can shed,
All of these gruesome memories in my head.
It's true,
Some of us can handle the rain,
But, I won't be back again.
I found heaven in the drain,
I gave in,
And started caring about my own gain.
The human experience,
Should not be seen through an agonized wince.
Fuck you and your hounds,
And your porcelain, merry, bounds.
The walls you constructed,
The halls through which you obstructed.
Some day,
Your judgement will come,
Smooth as the sweetest rum,
To the sound of the eternal drum.
Until than,
I won't return to this city of men.

Well met, friends!

I'm a small fish in a sea of amazing players hoping to find a group of likeminded people to play with! I'm 27F, with about 5 years of TTRPG experience and 10 years roleplay in general. I have reached a point as a player where I don't see TTRPGs as just a casual hobby, but as a special experience that can only be reached though the labour of love, commitment and collective interest of everyone at the table. And I'm hoping for a group that shares in this mindset.

What I can offer:

• Flexibility and commitment: I respect everyone's time and I'm confident that I will not be late to or miss sessions. My availability is mostly in the BST timezone, but I am able and willing to commit to playing late for the right group.
• High dedication and immersion: I am a creative player with a passion for writing. I make in-depth characters with compelling backstories who are well-established in the world they live in. In game, I'm an experienced roleplayer with an immersive and emotionally engaged playstyle, who invests in the DM's world, NPCs and fellow players.
• Proactiveness: I will make a character who has reasons to be involved with the story and world and who never says no to adventure.
• Collaboration: I have a track record of playing support/ supportive characters and I would love a party that is close-knit and can emotionally invest in each other. I am a firm believer in equal sharing of spotlight and I respect/ am supportive when it's someone's turn to take the stage.
• Art: I love TTRPGS and I love drawing pcs/npcs or meaningful/funny scenes from sessions.
• Openness to various systems: I have a preference for fantasy settings and magic to some degree. Depending on the system, I ask for patience from the group while I learn the rules.
• Voice available and video if required. I am willing to learn any (free) VTT.

What I'm looking for:

• Players & DM over 18y/o
• Kindness and Inclusivity: LGBTQ friendly! Racism/ homophobia not tolerated. No antagonism or personal favouritisms by the DM, no outcasting or bullying by the players.
• Active communication: Hoping to play with open and emotionally mature people, who are not afraid to discuss and settle any problems that might occur in and out of game.
• Availability and consistency: A group that looks forward to the game and playing together every week, as opposed to those who only play when they have nothing else better to do. I am hoping for stable schedules, and cancellations rare and notified in advance where possible.
• Group: A smaller number (3-5) of proactive and collaborative people who are comfortable with roleplay and becoming their character. Who are able to immerse themselves in the story and invest in each other.
• A game that is taken seriously: The story itself doesn't have to be serious at all times, but I prefer not to play with joke/meme characters, or those that are only defined by annoying quirks.
• Immersive play: A living, breathing world, and players who can remain in character for the majority of the session.
• Roleplay heavy: A narrative game ran by a DM who encourages player creativity and engagement. A compelling story with intrigue, exploration, interesting foes and meaningful combat, where player agency and choices matter.

At the moment I am not looking for:

• Streamed campaigns/ podcasts, PBP (play by post), West marches, paid games, heavy combat- focused games or magic-less settings
• Groups with 6 or more players
• Well-established groups of long term friends (had to specifically add this due to previous bad experiences)

Thank you for being with me so far! I know I'm asking for a lot, but in return I guarantee you someone who will deeply invest in your world, keep detailed notes, come up with creative solutions, draw cool art, write rhymes and songs, and much more! I will respect your time and hard work, and will try my very best to reward it by being a good player and ensuring that you have as much fun as I am!

If you are a DM who has similar wants and expectations, please send me a message with a little bit about yourself, your campaign /players and availability and we can take it from there!

This post will provide dialogues of NPCs who used sarcasm at least once.
"You head over to pay the barman a visit. Have a good drink and come back then. No use talking to you now - you look like a controller has rearranged your brain." - Lebedev (That dialogue, like few other dialogues can be unlocked if you won't complete "Talk to the barman" mission and will start talking to other NPCs before talking to Cold)
"Hello, O, Wonder of the Zone! I heard Lebedev wanted to get a piece of your invincible aura! Go see him." -Gray/Novikov (Can be unlocked if you'll start talking to Gray/Novikov before "Ask Lebedev about what happened" mission)
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/4v9wgN.jpg
"You look pretty good...for someone who survived the Emission anyhow. What you really want is to sit by the fireplace at Lebedev's..." - Suslov (Can be unlocked if you'll start talking to him before talking to Lebedev and completing "Talk to Lebedev" mission)
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/dqfXS6.jpg
"O welcome, guest from foreign lands! What come you with? A bursting purse or prized exotic wonders?" - Suslov
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/tyRGo6.jpg
"We can do away with blindfolds this time. If you step into some quicksand, dying is ever so much more fun with your eyes open...I'm just kidding! Keep your eyes peeled and remember the way across the Swamps - next time you'll have to make it on your own." - Dialogue of Clear Sky Guide that can lead you to Cordon (Name of that guide is randomly generated)
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/TQ19dK.jpg
"What's it to you, huh? One look at you tells me you've got your own problems. Around these parts knowing too much can help you kick the bucket long before you're due. By the way, your bucket looks mighty nice - wanna trade before you walk upon an anomaly? Ah c'mon, get your panties out of the bunch - I'm just putting you on." - Dialogue of Random Bandit
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/zCQJZw.jpg
"What are you, some kind of journalist? Gonna write about me in tomorrow's newspaper? Ha-ha-ha! All right, listen here, boyo. We're the knights of the road and we rule the Garbage. You cut us some juice and we mind our own business. You don't pay up - you're in deep shit. This is a gold rush of sorts. That's 'cause these Soviet trinkets buried in this dump are now worth their weight in gold. So if you get into debt with us or try to be a hero, we'll send your ass straight to the camp. Working down there is about as much fun as mining uranium, what with all the anomalies and radiation. But hey, the good news is that at least your troubles would soon be over... along with your life." - Another Bandit dialogue
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/tCTxZm.jpg
"Well, this here is the flea market, so I guess that makes us flea marketers. He-he, we're traders, buddy - we sell small stuff here and there...I'll be straight with you: our goods are crap, but hey, at least we're still in business, right? So, you come to trade or just to chat?" - Dialogue of Flea Market Trader
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/uiNAIa.jpg
"Well, it's a difficult concept for you to grasp but...I live here! I also work here as a stalker. And we have a base here. Maybe you've heard of a clan called Freedom? Well, the Dark Valley is our territory. What do you think a Freedom member is doing on Freedom territory?" - Dialogue of Random Dark Valley Freedomer
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/CANPuV.jpg
"Well, I do my best work in the kitchen with a fork! Hah! Kidding, buddy. I'm a sniper expert. I can shoot pretty good myself and I help others too. I can work your assault rifle real nice - it'll fire like a Spetsnaz SVD when I'm finished with it. And if you get a real sniper rifle, oh baby - your enemies are gonna be taking real long detours to stay out of your way, that's a promise. I can also patch up your armor if need be." - Dialogue of Yar
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/f8SkNG.jpg
"Trying to decide which beast to bring the Inquisitor. He runs a zoo at our base where he holds specimens of the local fauna. I'd love to stick a controller in there, but he'd probably make us all into zombies even if we could get our hands on one." - Dialogue of Random Agroprom Dutyer
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/aSg8jG.jpg
"Agroprom is a former research institute. Obviously, after the Zone appeared there ain't much research going on here no more. Ha-ha. Instead, we're using the building as our base to fight off the Zone's spawns. We're holding the line against the monsters that come out from underground. We fight to save the lives of other stalkers, sometimes at the cost of our own." - Another Dialogue of Random Duty NPC
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/ONEwh2.jpg
"Don't mind him, that's our local dumbass Mitay. As one professor would put it, he's "nothing but a vulgar swine!" No garden is without its weeds, and Mitay is the designated weed in ours. He'd be a perfect fit for the Inquisitor's zoo - would complete the collection as the top show freak. Sometimes I wish a pseudodog would adopt him... But really he's much better off as a trader. If he spent his days in the bar he'd spent more time getting his ass beat than actually drinking - or worse. Even considering that manhandling is a sure way to wind up in the cooler, that wouldn't stop most." - Dialogue of Major Zvyagintsev
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/RowziG.jpg
"I'm loving our scientists, man! They're funny guys, that's for damn sure! Usually they don't stick their nerdy little noses out of the bunker, but when they do, like the other day... all hell breaks loose! Troops everywhere, choppers, APCs! Next time, they might as well haul a battleship here, or at least an armored train..." - Dialogue of Random Yantar Stalker
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/51spyn.jpg
"We got a job for you. You see, we didn't exactly come to this forest to pick mushrooms. There's an anomalous zone nearby, with whole mountains of artifacts. I know how to get there, but the road goes through the forest - and you've heard all about the forest, I'm sure. It's a friggin' deathtrap. So, you escort us there, keep guard for a short while, and we'll reward you with a nice and juicy artifact for your troubles. Deal?" - Dialogue of Red Forest Stalker
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/haGgsJ.jpg
"We've arranged a little deal with the military. They take our bullets and we take their base. Sounds fair to me. Me and the boys are "negotiating" as best we can." - Dialogue of Army Warehouses Freedomers
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/0PgNJU.jpg
Not really a dialogue, but nonetheless it also should be mentioned. Description of Eye artifact:
"This artifact, which resembles the human eye, considerably increases the body's metabolism, helping wounds heal quicker. Experienced stalkers say that the Eye also brings luck. Right or wrong, it sure brings in money. Emits radiation."
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/vVJh3c.jpg

To the epilepsy community: do any of you ever feel like you’re high? I don’t smoke, other than one night in my teens when I tried weed for the first time. Recently I’ve noticed that I have these moments where I feel similar to that night. I can’t understand what people are saying to me, everything seems funny, and I even feel dazed for a sec. I haven’t had any seizures for about a month but is this normal? Or should I bring this up to my neurologist?

Hello, it has become clear to me that romantic fulfillment is a fruitless pursuit, and in a bid to avoid unnecessary suffering, i would like to kill any romantic or sexual desires i may have.
I lack the social grace to charm people, and i have nothing to make up for it. I am prone to limerence, which has lead to some terrible spinouts that are often only visible to me in retrospect. I don't really have an issue making friends, people seem to like me. However, I am terrible at navigating anything more than a platonic friendship.
21, male, Never dated, not due to lack of trying, but rather lack of opportunity, I live in the middle of nowhere, and never went to public school (homeschooled + online college). Real bad ADHD, probably somewhere on the spectrum, on antidepressants, and im sure a litany of other problems i could be diagnosed with.
So far, ive found that, ironically, stimulants are the best answer, at least for sexual desire. Adderall turns me into a eunich for a soild 5 hours a day. Caffeine and nicotine are also highly effective, though the effects last much shorter. I didn't notice any real effect from the SSRI im perscibed (citalopram), maybe a slight dulling in desire. Weed and alchohol are classic "thoughts-b-gone" tools, but they also greatly restrict your ability to do much exept for sit on the couch, at least in effective doses.
Overall, im not looking for a pep talk. If i wanted that, im one google search away from hundreds of websites trying to sell me dating coaches or Betterhelp subscriptions (funny that people just kind of forgot about that whole "unlicensed licensed therapist" thing, those checks gotta be fat).
What I want is an off switch.
If all I have to do is "wait for the right one", id rather not suffer while doing so.

I've been smoking weed, listening to Post Malone and this popped back into my mind
I was in Grade 1 when I saw this so like late 2009 or early 2010 and I remember telling my friends about this funny song.
The show was live action, the malone character was in a costume of some kind, I can't quite remember the details.
I think the main characters of the show asked Malone about her name and she says something like "oh, malone is just a nickname" then she starts singing "My name is, binigan-banigan cinigan-canigan dinigan-danigan finigan-fanigan... zinigan-zanigan hyphen Malone"
The song went on for way too long. I don't remember for sure if they used every single letter of the alphabet or not. I think the song was sang twice in the episode and that accounted for a sizable chunk of the runtime.
This likely would have either aired on CBC or PBS, could have been Treehouse but this looked like a low budget show, something the Canadian government would've funded to get more Canadian media out to the masses. If it's not obvious, I'm from Canada if that helps narrow it down. I also think I watched it after school so around 4pm CST since I always watched the Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show at 8am before school.
Feel free to ask me questions, I may have missed something. Thanks in advance if you have any leads at all.

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

We cut down some trees and the contractor used a wood chipper for the branches and left a lot for us to use.
I proceeded to cover the already fantastic, labor of love dirt, with a thin layer of compost and about 4 inches of woodchip
I have a drip system (more on that later) and I am moving the wood chip and planting some plants and seeds. Then, in case of plants, I put some fertilizer (I usually do it when transplanting), watering and mulching with the woodchip but not touching the steam. Waiting for the seed to sprout to see what I am gonna do about the mulch.
Has anyone tried this before? Am I doing it right?
About the drip system, I am thinking of burying them near the plant and under the woodchip, husband thinks it should be above the woodchip so we can see it if it is leaking.
Any tips would be appreciated. I absolutely love the looks of the garden. The dripping system cut down weed a lot, but I always felt funny having the dirt all exposed.
I don’t dig my soil for the past 3 years and I used the JADAM solution once last year. I have so so many worms.
PNW Zone 8b

1. Why are you doing this?

Because it's funny. To me, there is nothing funnier than singing about gay stuff especially in genres that don't usually talk about that kind of stuff like Country and Rap. If at least one other person finds it funny then my job would be done.

1. How do you do this?

I write most of my parodies in Google Docs and pull up the lyrics on Genuis. If I need help, Rhyme Zone is a tool I use and if I need to remember the melody of the words, I pull up the song on youtube. It's a simple process.

1. How long does it take you to make these?

Depends on the song. Somthing Just Like this took me 10 minutes, Fast Car took me 4 hours, and some songs like Really Doe take days to make.

1. Are you gay?

If I had to describe my sexuality I would say I'm 100% attracted to women and 50% attracted to guys. So yeah I'm pretty gay.

1. How do you pick songs to make parodies?

The song has to be one that I know or one that is popular. No matter how much I wanna do gay Ghais Guvera songs, nobody will notice them. I also don't do songs that have significant meaning to me like Sing About Me or Be Quiet And Drive. My lyrics get stuck in my head sometimes and I can never listen to certain songs the same way again.

1. Will you ever make them into actual songs?

Probably. Not all of my parodies will become actual songs but there are certain one that I want to record. I tried to record Gay Fast car once but I am not confident enough in my singing abilities to pull it off.

1. What is wrong with you?

I had a dream about this girl and it really fucked me up for a while. During that low point I kinda went into overdrive and wrote an entire gay Arctic Monkeys album. I don't know what's wrong with me. I probably just need a creative outlet and this is it. anywho...

1. Will you do this song/album?

Weird Al said he woundn't take requests until Madonna requested "Like A Surgeon" and he had to do it. Give me a request I can't refuse.

1. Can I record myself singing these parodies?

DM me first. I would love to have these be actually sung by someone other than me but not without permission. I am very protective over my parodies but I would be proud to hear you guys singing my stupid lyrics. DM me on here and I will most likely say yes.
well, that's the pfaq. If you think I'm a weirdo then you're right and if you think I'm talented you're probably also right. Thanks for reading and please don't get and at me...