CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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I’m sorry for the length. I don’t know which subreddit would be appropriate for this.
I’m M/28 and I spent my early 20s recklessly trying to pick up women. I would hit up women I knew, friends of friends, old HS friends just trying to pick them up. Fake a friendship to fuck. Idk why but im almost always horny. Ive numbed my life with weed for past decade. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and friend.
At 20 I went on a date with a girl F/18. It was a bad date and later we talked and laughed a little so I told her I liked her. She said she liked me too but she had to go. I asked if I could get a kiss goodbye and she said sorry have to go to. I should’ve just left but I pretty much begged and kissed her on the cheek goodbye. I would occasionally message her afterwards and we would have little conversations but nothing else. I kept this up for like 4 years hoping something could happen despite her telling me she wasn’t interested. It was so selfish of me to just disregard that. Why the fuck wasn’t this processing then.
At 20, I had a thing with a girl F/19 who I was in love with. I wanted to marry her and I’ve known her for years at that point. Everything was fine and normal but I never made a move. When an opportunity for real love and sex that I wanted so bad was on the table, I folded with fear. I made it awkward by getting silent and just low energy. Very boring person. However I had it stuck in my head that we still liked each other. We were sitting in a car after talking for an hour and I put my hand on her thigh and she jumped and said oh no where I took my hand away and asked should I drive you home and she said yes. I drove her home and dropped her off. We were cordial after but never the same. Stopped talking to her at 25 of pretty much one way conversations couple times a year
At 22, I got lucky enough to get a girlfriend F/19. I actually currently date her today. This is where I feel worst because I’ve had another serious gf during my teens where i was so dependent and into her that after 3 years at the age of 18 she dumped me. We stopped talking at 20 and never communicated since. that relationship felt raw and really emotional. My current relationship feels more mature. We talk problems out and genuinely help each other build. I am breaking all this by being a fucking sleaze bag. I have cheated on her twice with meaningless relationships at 23 and 25. I completely used those women for sex and I wasted their time. They never knew of each other and relationship usually ended by me being distant. Those relationships lasted month.
Ever since the last cheating at 25, I haven’t done anything but damage is done. Even at 23 I was an idiot and screenshotted a photo of an acquaintance because it was scandalous pic. My old friends have that screenshot notification. I constantly make these horrible decisions and although 26 and 27 have been more mature, I’ve done so much stupid shit in my early 20s that I don’t how I could ever redeem myself or right my wrongs or just feel good about myself again.
My first step has to be to come clean to my girlfriend and let her make the decision if she wants to be with me or not. I have no idea what to say. I’m fucking scared, I’m a bitch but I can’t ruin her life by being with me.
Is it ever possible to feel good about myself again? I have two groups of friends, one is close still and the other has rejected me completely because of my behavior. I actually used to be in a team with them. Some of us would make music together. They have thrown subtle shots for couple years about releasing music about me. I’m fearful they want to publicly shame me. Post that screenshot notification on Instagram. Although I’m a mess, I wouldn’t call myself a predator. I fear they’ll call me this or worse on Instagram with my family and friends there. I can’t even act like I don’t deserve it. But I don’t want my life to be ruined
If you read all of that, what should I do?

LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xttgsAnXHlA
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Tale as old as time I guess. I’m (33M) in love with my best friend (29F), and I’m just stuck at a crossroads right now. I’m divorced and was raised in a high control religion where I did not have freedom to date. I decided to put myself back out there last year after secluding myself for so long and ended up meeting some really great friends.
One of them was her.
We quickly became friends, and I knew something was different about her right from the start. The first night that I met her while we were out with mutual friends, we talked for hours, it was like an instant connection which I had not ever experienced before. On my ride home that night I had a biggest smile on my face from the moment we hugged goodbye to the moment I fell asleep.
We started hanging out frequently, but it turned out that she started seeing another guy right around the time we met. That hurt a bit but I decided to just build a friendship with her. Over the next few months we remained in contact as close friends. I didn’t date anyone in that time period, but was also dealing with some shit on and off from my ex and couldn’t really bring myself to do anything anyway.
Fast forward to February and she has called things off with the guy she was seeing, and I’ve dealt with my ex situation. We start hanging out heavily, it goes from every week to multiple times a week, then to nearly every other day if not every day. We start sleeping over at each others places, we workout together, I meet and start becoming close with her family, and we basically text or call each other nonstop. We’ve become best friends, we both agree that we can talk to each other about anything, and can 1000% be ourselves around each other. This is especially new for me, who grew up learning to supress my personality.
I tell her that I’ve developed feelings for her, but she tells me that she just wants to remain friends. It hurts but she’s the closest person to me in my life and I don’t want to lose that, so I decide to try to just tamp down my feelings. We continue hanging out all the time like normal, until a few days ago. She tells me that she has agreed to go out on a date with someone, and I just feel my entire world collapse in an instant. Now we are trying to navigate this and reevaluate our relationship, because she can read me like a book and knew the instant she told me that it was a dagger in my heart, despite me trying to hold it together.
I just don’t know what to do now. I’ve never been this close with anyone, not even my ex as crazy as that sounds. She is starting to distance herself from me and it hurts more than almost anything I’ve ever experienced. I just don’t want to lose the connection we have. What makes it worse is that, due to my religious background, I don’t have a good relationship with my family, and I was starting to feel like I was part of her family with how often I was around them. She told me a few weeks ago that I was her “person” and she is mine.
I just feel completely lost.
Tl;dr I’m in love with my best friend but she does not love me back despite wanting to be with me almost all the time, and I just don’t know what to do.

A wonderful passage was cited here recently, about Stephen meeting a badger - and wonderful too to have such thoughtful and lovely friends here with whom to share it. I'm put in mind of a similar if shorter one, which must perforce be from the Letter of Marque. Jack is preparing to run his crew repeatedly through plans to attack and cut out the Diane, (using a great thundering chart think, on the deck). If memory serves, this goes on in the lee of some small island used for sheep grazing, while a single bemused shepherd stares down at the sailors repeatedly attacking their own ship. Between one day and the next there is something like a squall, a good hard rain and blow, and the small island is as though scrubbed clean . The grass and vegetation have all gone brilliantly green, and flowers have burst out in all directions. This is so very O'Brian. Battle in one corner, and the glories of the natural world adjacent and beautiful, utterly ignorant of us poor sods a- toiling and moiling away...

I’m kicking myself for this. Today I was at a Wawa gas station. My friend went inside to buy some snacks and get gas for her car. We were parked by the pump. I see a woman with a small 4 ish year old boy walking around. She’s holding his hand. The women was maybe late 30’s blonde dyed hair. She looked Cuban to me. I’m in Florida so I can spot a Cuban women they dress style themselves a certain way I’m also Hispanic . I noticed her hair mainly because of how pretty the style was and the way it was bleached. She definitely was keeping herself looking clean and classy. She had a sad expression on her face that gave me an uneasy feeling it wasn’t fake at all if she was trying to come off needing money by playing fake distressed. I tend to have a bad/good gift of reading people’s eyes and what they are feeling and all I saw was the face of an abused victim. How she was slouched and her body language seemed so off. Like she was scared of somebody or something. She goes up to this random man pumping gas and at this point I was on my phone talking to someone when I couldn’t hear what she asked him but the man was very cold and violently told her off when she approached him with the child. I didn’t hear what she asked but I’m guessing it was about money and I could tell by his tone he was mad. She walked past my car and I was about to ask her if she’s okay when she went straight to this green van. The type of van that is notorious for kidnapping kids. A large Hispanic man was in the drivers side with a leaner Hispanic man. I thought at first she was going to ask them for money but she sheepishly went up to the drivers window and said something. He gestured her to get inside and I pulled my phone out again to try to get a video. She went inside with the boy and in the back there was another girl child. She looked about ten. Both of the kids must be related since they have a darker complexion and similar features. She was very pale compared to them. She looked frightened going inside the van. At one point the man noticed me pointing my phone and he sped off. I couldn’t get a license plate. All I remember that it was an out of state plate with a grey blue plate.After that whole ordeal I can’t shake off the feeling that she must of been in danger and those kids. I got a blurry video of the van and the two men and that’s it. I’m mad that maybe I should have done more. My friend said the cops wouldn’t have done anything. The women just looked like she was being forced to go around and ask whatever she was asking. It was weird to me that she completely ignored me and was only going to men. I’ve been approached/seen countless people asking me for money before but this is the first time I’ve seen this type of situation give me a bad gut feeling. I don’t even know what to do at this point. I was wondering if there is a data base of possible missing people specifically Hispanic. I vaguely remember the letters to the plate and what stood out that it was a name no numbers JOUIX or something similar. I was exhausted with little sleep when this all happened so my memory is a mess. Her face looked familiar like I’ve seen her somewhere. Should I call the non emergency? Could I ask to see CCTV footage? Cops around here don’t really care unless they have solid evidence to go off on. Maybe I’m being paranoid but my gut is usually always right about situations like this since I’ve lived that hell before.

Students solve the Middle East conflict. Visit to the “Dahlem Call for Peace in Palestine” on the campus of Freie Universität Berlin.
We interviewed queers for palestine and these were their sane takes.
We spoke to the future Nobel Peace Prize winners from Berlin in their protest tent.
“And somehow that was true, exactly,” explains Karl (ehe), a second semester political science student at the FU Berlin. “Exactly. That's why we've now sat down together and solved the Middle East conflict, exactly.”
Koi (hen/they), queer political spokesperson for the initiative, says: “We were tired of these constant accusations that we as queer and trans* people are so strongly committed to a free Palestine, as if we didn't know that Hamas in Gaza still tends to reject queer people and doesn't pay enough attention to women's rights,” hen asserts. “We are not naive. But we firmly believe in a transformation of Hamas into a genderqueer collective after the successful decolonization.”
But what exactly should the decolonized region look like? The students are convinced that it “really can't be a two-state solution”. The colonial state must go. “We already see Palestine within the historical borders from the Jordan to the Mediterranean.”
So decolonization back to the borders under the British in 1922?, we ask.
“Uh, yes, well, basically yes, exactly. But that was a long time ago, that's almost...” Karl counts on his hands, ‘a hundred years or so.’ And Judea, we ask, which used to be there too? “Well, that was much longer ago,” Karl looks helplessly at his ten fingers, “I don't know, we didn't study that yet.”
“In any case, it is important that Israel's current reign of terror is ended!” chants Koi. And then? “Well, then Hamas will give up its weapons and hand over power to a new civilian government,” says Joris (none/no), third semester Gender History student, explaining the students' concept for peace in the Middle East. This is a unique opportunity in human history: “Palestine could become a model state!” enthuses Koi. “The first genderqueer caliphate in the world, governed by a self-governing council system based on the model of the de facto state of Rojava in north-eastern Syria!”
We ask again decidedly: And where is Israel in this concept?
“Of course we are in favor of Israel's right to exist!” Karl hastens to say. “As Germans, we have something of a thing ... a responsibility, exactly.”
“On the other hand, world politics can't always just be dictated by the Germans!” interjects Joris. “That would be even worse!” But Karl continues unperturbed and points out Israel's new borders: “In our model, Israel will be a quasi-autonomous province in the Palestinian Caliphate, but with extensive self-government.”
“But demilitarized,” adds Joris, “as an agrarian state without military potential!”
The new Palestine should be as neutral and multilingual as Switzerland: open, liberal and sex-positive. It should also be given a new name on this occasion. “Khilafat qaws qazah”, translated: Caliphate of the Rainbow. Traudl (ehe), a theology student (Bachelor) adds: “Because the rainbow also has some significance in Jewish tradition. So it does fit.”
Perhaps a rainbow-colored unicorn could then be used as the emblem of the new Palestine, Koi dreams: “As a symbol of peace for the new open, trans*-friendly caliph.”
“Freedom of religion applies, of course!” enthuses Traudl, “Everyone can believe what they want. And if a Muslim woman in Gaza prefers to pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that's okay too!”
However, the students admit that there is still a long way to go. But once Palestine is liberated, liberation from all other bourgeois constraints will follow. “Sooner or later, Hamas will also commit to multi-ethnic sex positivity!” emphasizes a male student. “And we are seeing positive signs. Hamas doesn't seem to reject sexual contact with people of other faiths per se like some of the fighters of October 7...”
Palestine of the future
We prefer to tune out quickly and listen to a FLINTA* student (she/her) who explains that in the Palestine of the future, women will also be allowed to become fighters and that every intifada will have awareness teams.
Meanwhile, Karl proudly reports that they are already working on a constitution for a free queer*feminist rainbow caliphate together with a Palestinian law student. But that is complicated. “We're struggling a bit, exactly. For example, we're still in full discussion about how animal rights should be implemented in the Palestinian constitution. In other words, whether other animals besides pigs should be protected from persecution and so on.”
We nod in understanding and ask how the students' peace plan is to proceed: “Well, we've already emailed our plan to Judith Butler and Deborah Feldman,” says Koi, and Karl adds: “And to the embassies of Egypt and Qatar, who are mediating, and to South Africa and Nicaragua, who can somehow submit our plan to the UN.”
And until then? “Until then, we will continue to demand the liberation of Palestine!” And so we see the peace activists again in the afternoon at a pro-Palestinian protest camp, wedged in between a few men in bouncers clothes with bold “KALIFAT” lettering on their shirts, albeit without a gender star or rainbow unicorn. “Free Palestine!” they shout together.

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HIIIII!!! I 21F overthink alot and I was wondering if anyone who is Japanese or have been to japan could look at my virgo moon overthinking and see if I was being delulu or if this waiter was flirting with me and if I should try to pursue it. This all took place in a Japanese bar. B-31M Bartender (European) T- 20M Waiter boy in question (Japanese) K-ME (Wasian) first when we got there the first time. He gave me drink recommendations.gave me a phone charger bank without me asking cause he noticed I needed one. Was the one to set up my birthday stuff, and also asked me my name and when said it in Japanese went “really? That’s cute” he kept checking on me and then gave me another recommendation without me asking. And made the drink himself and gave it to me. he kept coming to talk to me about his time working at usj and then took our picture. he took a shot with me and taught me how to say cheers in the “young adult way”when I was given birthday stuff he was the one to come up to me and tell me to sit. I look over and he is standing behind me with both his arms fully up and going crazy. he also gave me water immediately after our shot together he then ran to me when he thought we were leaving even though it was sooooo busy. he ran to the elevator to say goodbye to us. The elevator is outside the bar and he left his post to come say bye. Next day. When I enter he immediately smiles and goes “K!!” And then brushes his hair back so it’s pushed back. Then I sit at the bar , not the tables and he finds every reason to come up to me and try to talk to me. (His post is the tables not the bar) He gets a coaster from right next to me when he could’ve just gone to the other side of the bar to get it or somewhere else. He gives me a recommendation again and leans super close.Friend noticed he kept trying to get into my line of sight and talk to me. I was sitting near the close area of the servers and everytime he came over to check the orders he would glance at me and see me and try to talk to me. He told me his favorite drink and tried super hard to talk in English. He told me when he was getting off and wanted to take a shot with me got me water without me asking cause he remembered I didn’t like the shot. He said goodbye when he was leaving to just me when he talked to us he only talked and looked at me. He coughed and I went you ok? In Japanese and he looked over and smiled and went yes yes don’t worry .He gave just me his instagram and immediately after work liked my story. When talking about the servers to B he would come over and try to join the convo.We asked B ages of everyone and even though it was busy T came over and suddenly asked us ages. He asked friend one and went ok ok.. skipped my next friend and went “K ???” And I went Oh “21” he was so excited and said “03”??? And I said yes and he was admit that we should be friends because we were the same age. (My other friends were all 03 as well) Asked us what we did and kept wanting to see my pictures of me in my kimono. He kept coming over to the bar and asking B about us.The kicker is that B told us once T was getting ready to leave, “Do with this information what you will, but T has a girlfriend…” I am confused as to why B told me the T has a girlfreind as wouldn’t he tell me that beforehand or did he only tell me after?

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The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

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I marrried a narcissist and I just realized this characteristic after watching Tiktok.
Hi, Im a mother of 4 kids. I have know my husband for 13 years already and year after year I'm beginning to hate the sight of him. Long story short, he is abusive physically, mentally and spiritually. He would beat then blame me for provoking in the middle of the mornings. Mentally, we will insult me and cursed me in front of the kids, once at my office and few times in public. Spiritually, he just doesn't believe in God. He insults my religion, my race and where I come from.I have an altar at home, whenever there is a fight, he will light up and essence and then next few weeks he is back at his attitude. And I will be like, what for you light the candles for wayang or what.
Biggest red flag of all, he cheats. Latest one with his EX! and they both got the biggest Karma after that. That one another story :P I have tried everything!!! like everything. Spoke to his parents, police reports. Best part is the stupid police can tell me, "Bawa bincang dengan keluarga la" WTF!! ok i did that again la. Spoke to his friends, friends call him, he tembak them, now they duwan to talk to him, but they still keep in touch with me to ask me on things.
Last resort, I did my JPN counseling thing and got my letter. Tell him already like twice to leave my house but he still doesn't burge. And within 2 two month already twice kena. Consult with lawyer , just to get an injunction out RM 10,000.00 !!! like seriously... Are they waiting for me to die or what.
He still in my house even after everything I had said to him. I told him I don't love him anymore. He has a company that doesn't run, doesn't work, sits all day at home with Tiktok. Doesnt do anything at home. Doesnt pay any bills and still he got face to sit in my house.
I need help. How do I get rid of him. Go police they will ask oooohhhhh kita take boleh halau suami keluar, Go to uncle and aunty all shake head, ask to be strong.
So lost right now. Anyone have any workable solution please help.

To start off with I live in a house share of 3 individuals and a dog, we are previous childhood friends. One flatmate is extremely antisocial and I am trying to figure out if I have been gaslit.
To give some context I’ve been living with my flatmates partner against my will since September 2023. Both me and my other flatmate tried to make clear we were uncomfortable about this months ago. He is extremely messy and had previously punched other men whilst drunk on more than one occasion. We gave these as reasons for us not wanting to be left alone with him in the house. Instead he was given a house key and it took months for this to be readdressed, any discussions we had were forgotten and messages we would send were ignored. In April 2024 we have been told his housing situation was “tricky” and that the flatmate in question needed him here as he was her only support system. She did not give the option of him moving out but instead told us he might be moving out in May 2024. In those 6 months we have been forced to pay his food bill for weeks (we previously had a communal food supply and had to separate and label our food because she kept feeding him without any contribution ) We have had to clean up continually for them both (both of them are very messy and often left spaces needing to be cleaned before being used.) We are told that because food is now separate bringing this up as an example of her disrespect is unacceptable. I have brought up that it is still extra labor in having to clean more often, and spend more money for cleaning products and was told that isn’t true and that they contribute fairly ( Since discussions of us feeling extremely used he has occasionally replaced coffee and toilet paper, paid bills once as of April 2024, does the dishes and occasionally does the bins) we are the ones doing most of the cleaning and always have done so this is an unfair split of labour in my opinion (the dog is also hers so we are cleaning up after 2 adults and a dog)
Neither of them have attempted to communicate over anything, my flatmates partner turned up one day with his dad and moved his things, when I told my flatmate this was not cool they laughed in my face and made a dismissive joke. Neither of them communicated to us that he had been thrown out of his previous house and would be living here. We would just find him in the house when we were under the impression we were home alone.
I realise I could have spoken to him directly, but for some reason was convinced that it would be snakey towards my flatmate to confront him and ask him why he felt so comfortable to dump his labour onto myself and my other flatmate as a 28yr old grown man, so instead everybody in the house just avoided each other with a very passive aggressive environment, in which we all participated in silent treatment. At its peak myself and the flatmate in question would be shoulder barging each other, which is very toxic and sad.
So far the reason given for him not ever cleaning up after himself was that he did not think it would be appropriate and we created a passive aggressive environment. ( We were very angry in this period, I myself even snapped on occasions where I raised my voice at my flatmate saying cruel things which I am ashamed of. This was in response to me feeling as though I was being used as a personal maid)
To give some more context to my own shitty behaviour spaces in the house were regularly left to a point of being unusable, unless we did it ourselves. This involved a months long flea infestation that was so severe you could not be in the house without being jumped on, we repeatedly tried to address this until the point we just dealt with it ourselves. I have had my TV broken when my flatmate was partying with friends which took months to even be acknowledged and not be told that it was not the right time to ask about it. Myself and my other flatmate have had to buy a separate fridge as we literally could not get our food into the houses shared fridge because we were left little space and were still having to regularly clean out others mouldy food. The dog is extremely reactive, he has anxiety and is often only given 2 or 3 short walks a week and spends the majority of his time in one bedroom, so being in the house with him means constant barking and he has been quite destructive. For months she would leave her dog whilst out partying and ignored all messages trying to bring up this forced labour.
Around this time something in me just broke, I actively tried to be petty and use a tit for tat mentality in how I treated her. This involved a lack of care for her items, refusing to do any labour for her, separating every single little thing, giving each other silent treatment. My OCD had been badly triggered after living in a flea infested house, this caused me to go into overdrive with cleaning where I would snap at any little mess. This was too much from me and it was a little controlling, but the situation was then reframed as me being “controlling” and not allowing my flatmate to ever relax in their house, rather than ever returning to the original upset of forced labour.
(I am going to give an example of a game she enjoyed playing with me here to try and explain what I feel has been done to me. She used to come over and start playfully hitting me, she would then ignore me saying no or stop, then when I blew up she would say don’t talk to me like that and frame it as me being angry and shouting at her inappropriately. I have had to address this with her and she has not played this game with me again, but I’ve seen her do it to someone else since and laugh in their face whilst visibly upsetting them, so I know they still enjoy doing it to others. Though just a silly game, this comfortability with ignoring a no and their ability to genuinely convince herself she hasn’t been given a boundary is one that bleeds into real life. )
On one occasion during an argument regarding labour I shouted at her to ‘fuck off back to neglecting your dog’ and I’m sure there were other things I probably said in an attempt to hurt her as much as I was hurting. I take zero pride in this and am deeply ashamed that I lowered myself to that behaviour. She herself belittled me in front of shared friends telling me “you never do anything for me you only do things for others you do nothing for me” over and over until I left the room. We had a huge row where she came down mid shower (as the hot water goes if multiple taps are on) whilst I was doing her dishes as the kitchen was a complete shit hole. I then told her no I’m not going to stop because i need to use my kitchen, and she told me i was disgusting for banning her from showering I told her she was disgusting for leaving the house as she did (I’m not exactly sure my exact words) she then told me “‘theres no room talking to you when ur like this”. Neither of us were right in this but I am giving it as an example of how toxic it is in the house.
A few days following this I said that if she refuses to discuss anything when she is leaving the house unusable for others and her partner is freeloading that I would report her to the landlord (I am not working on logic at this time but because I have been in fight or flight for months) she then told me it was disgusting to threaten her with homelessness and that she would never do something like that to me. I did not mean it as an intimidation tactic or maybe I did I’m not sure, it’s hard to think logically after being ignored over months.
After the threat I made to contact the landlord we discussed all of this, some of which she acknowledged, we both made an effort to apologise. However she tried to diminish the labour her and her partner purposefully used us for, would not give specifics about him moving out, and refused to apologise for belittling telling me she did not remember and it is not something she would ever say so she doesn’t know what I expect her to do. They told me I was not paying extra or doing more labour with an additional person living here. They have since cleaned the garden of bags of shit and dirty underwear that were left out for months, and made small efforts to be cleaner. However most of the house labour still falls onto us. (Some more context they very recently were injured and no longer can clean right now. This I understand completely however I would be lying if I didn’t feel burdened and obligated to now have to do that labour, or to help them with basic tasks when I can barely look at them without feeling sick, also I am still doing labour for her partner).
We have tried to meet her on every level for a very long time, previously we have had discussions about asking her when she is free rather than just dropping things on her, using a house chat, using a cleaning chart. We have tried to compromise and she has ignored all of these after agreeing to them. When I have gone to ask if she is free I have had her snap ‘what now’ I have seen her roll her eyes to others regarding a cleaning chart she agreed to because others were tired of cleaning for her, ignored all messages in the house chat.
My property has been repeatedly damaged or not taken care of as has others. I’ve had to spend over £100 easily. I am so tired of being ignored, laughed at or given no response at all to continual lack of consideration for others and their boundaries. My reactivity does need to be worked on, yes. However theres only so far people can be pushed before they snap, and I’m terrified that I’m going to break again.
When I’ve discussed this with others who have lived with her to see if they noticed this pattern of behaviour they knew exactly what I was talking about, which worries me.
To sum up I do not feel safe in this house, my back is permanently against the wall as I am just waiting for the next boundary violation at this point. This has already happened in truth as we recently received a letter saying we were overdue for council tax which threatened court if not paid off, I paid off mine and I didn’t bother to ask my flatmate to send over the remaining owed money as I am fed up of having all communication ignored and did not want to wait for her to be bothered to send me the money. If there is something that needs her attention you often need to ask for it to be done over and over which again is labour in the first place. As far as I’m aware this bill is still overdue as I have been completely ignored regarding it.
I do not think she truly realises that she has deeply traumatised myself and my flatmate through giving us no autonomy over who lives in this house or leaving us to care for her dog. My OCD is still pretty bad and being in this house or around her makes my skin crawl. So I guess I am wondering if I have been gaslit? Taking my own toxic behaviour into account I do not know whether I can criticise her or if I am being hypocritical in labelling her as toxic. My memory is too foggy to remember a lot of what has actually happened, but I have this of strong feeling of disillusionment that will not leave. I am stuck in this house until October 2024, and I am trying to just get on with it, but I can’t stop obsessing over what has happened, sometimes it’s all I can think about. I feel too guilty or snakey to contact the landlord as she is a longtime friend and I am afraid she will badmouth me to others if I do so. She is my childhood friend and everything in me is telling me that this isn’t how a friend should treat you. I am desperate to be free of this situation but we have been friends since childhood and she is currently injured and also experiencing a bereavement so I feel obligated to just leave her be. Should I still be trying to meet her needs or do I need to be selfish and remove this person from my life?

Novel - PEACE IS WHAT I WANT
Author note:-
How should i start. Lets say. I am just a student[19 M] And today i am going to start a writing a novel. Well... ...its always good to start a new work.
Enthusiasm...
thats what i am now feeling. I can't describe it in words. I can say that my grammar is bad. Umm so bad.
English is my second language. But i am going to try. I am going to persevere.
I am starting a novel on indian mythology. Well like indian sects.
Months ago.
I am just scrolling reddit. Seeing the memes on fy. And laughing my ass off.
unknowingly i stumbled on a comment and the comment is-
just think how if a cultivation novel based on indian mythology. Like There are 28 states in india. So.
We can make 28 sects and like this. And india is also a sacred country.
Just think there are so many mystery like kailash parvat( Kangrinboqe Peak).
So many mystries...
I was just staring at the comment something was rising in me.
Like this is my destiny. I am going to be a great writer. I will make millions of money. So i procrastinated this idea. Well i am a good procrastinater..
Months later today at 1 am on night while wasting my time on scrolling reddit.
I am suddenly feeling something. I am feeling like i have to do something productive. i have to make money So i thought to write a novel. Well its not going to the level of RI or Lotm. But i can try to make it good. I will daily use my 4 hours in this work.
I know i am not going to make any money on this.
But i am atleast trying to make something new. I am not good in studies.
No no no...
Its like i had never focus on studies.
From 2 years daily minimum 5 hours... I am reading novels.
Just novels. To cultivation to progression fantasy. Just novel.
But the idea of writing novel I always procrastinated that.
But today i am feeling so much enthusiasm i am going to start it now.
Special note-
If anyone wants to be a part of this journey. join me in this wonderful journey.
Well its going to be not paid. Its like internship. You will learn something. Like i need a editor. If any of you who is interested in this journey. You can dm me. Lets start.
I am clarify now this first chapter is something i am just writing it to describe. What is my potential. Like it will be my first novel and there are so many challenges i am going to face it. I am human afterall... I will going to make mistakes obviously. Day by day my writing will just going to improve.
Just adjust a bit.
You will definitely going to enjoy.
Chapter 1 - ITS STARTING
Hahahahah.
This is hilarious I have just wrote that I am going to make a wonderful novel and see I can't even type anything on my keyboard.
As i am seeing on my laptop. My frustration is increasing. How should i start. My patience is dropping. What should i do.
Lets make a boy first
Indeed hes going to be a poor and orphan.
Wait.
Its going to same cliche novel. I have to make something new. Something like Fang yuan.
First chapter of REVEREND INSANITY is goated Hes just standing hes hair floating and his clothes are in blood. He is smiling.
A cold smile. And then sac and boom
Explosion
....
Wait wait wait... This is going to be edgy. I have not any experience i have not any talent. How can i make a sacred novel like RI This is my first novel. I have to start with good mc.
.. My mood is swinging. I am feeling frustrated. How can anyone will going to read this garbage. I had not even make a world building. I had not even decide the name of the novel. Stupid so stupid. As i am staring on the screen. My patience paid off.
I turned off my laptop I stand up from my chair. And saw the time.
Its 1 am.
If my father found about that i am wasting my time in these things instead of studying. Than raj you just say goodbye to your writing passion.
I am just a average person.
Your average who got always average marks . Average look
Average talking skill.
Average money.
Well i am going to make it. But HOW.
...as i am thinking what to do How to write something great
. Suddenly my electricity gone.
Its rare. Well where i am living i had never seen electricity gone. Because i am living in a hostel. College hostel. And it is very expensive one. So when electricity goes out generator works.
Glad part about its. All of my study expenses is on loan. I am belonging from a middle class family.
But my father agreed for my private college as i convinced him that i will pay. I will pay everything believe in me last time. ...
I opened my room gate and went to the main hall while adjusting my torch light.
I can hear students are shouting. Well it is because human always find fun in everything
so many of students always wait when will the electricity goes and they will shout loudly. Its a fun thing. Really. its first time that electricity gone. So students are shouting too loudly. Make it more fun. Well i also join them. And also start shouting at high pitch.
Suddenly i stopped. Staring at the wall.
No no.
I am staring at the void.
In front of my eyes.
There was a blue screen.

 『Welcome to the gods heir』 

It was so unrealistic. I thought that this is my dream. I touched the screen with my limb. But the funny part is. My limb goes through it. Like it is a hologram.
My thoughts are spinning.
How can this happen. Its utterly impossible.
I had read so many webnovel i had already assumed so many scenarios like this. That there will be screen come from nowhere in front of you and you will say status and-
Wait status How can i forget this.
In my rough voice i said - "status" And i am believing that there will be a status screen will come.
And my life will take a 180. Degree turn But to my surprise there is no screen came.
1 sec...
2 sec...
Sudden a somber expression appeared on my face. A kid who always growed up while reading novel. A system is always his dream.
3 sec... 3.4 sec- And than
A voice heared in my mind.

 『 STATUS Name- Raj aggarwal Level- 1 Class- homo sapiens Sub class- None Stats/skills/shop/?¿? 』 

As i stared at the screen. My lips raised upwardly. This is what i want This is like my dream I always wanted a magical world.
A rpg type world where gods and demons are fighting. I will increase my level while fighting monsters. What..What is there any chance of my being alive in this scenario. This world is going to change. I have to change. I have to protect my family. Family...
**Shit.. shit..
My family lives 100 miles from here.. If this system is real and everyone can see it. Then soon chaos is going to erupting. What should i do now.. Take a bus or metro. No no .. Think think.. Well lets call them first..**
.
I opened my phone screen and saw the battery.
Shit..
8 percent. It can work for few minutes or one hour max I called on my moms number.
**Ring...
Ring...**
My heartbeat is increasing
*Ring... *
A women voice heared in my ear
-"Hlo, raj are you fine. What.. what is this screen. Everyone can see it. Everyone is panicking. You have to hurry.... come home as soon as possible".
I am glad that my mom answered my phone. While I staring at my screen i answered-"
don't worry mom.
There is nothing as panicking. Calm down. Just prepare some weapons like your knife, baseball. And locked the house. Do not open the door.
And tell my little brother that i am coming. Theres nothing to worry. Everything is fine."
I convinced my mom that there is nothing. But a gloomy senstation was felting in my body. I has to hurry.
As i glanced to the main hostel reception. A men with black beared.
Brown skin. Black eyes and in red shirt and black pant is standing there My warden was also in the state of shock. I went to him. Seeing me his eyes became focus. He called my name.
" RAJ CAN YOU SEE THE SCREEN ALSO"
He remembered my name indeed worthy of warden position I nodded. "Well its strange-he said to me while looking at the main gate. The gate was big and transparent Made of glass. I also see outside. Utter Darkness
Worrying if any type of dragon come here and just make this college campus in ashes. I glanced to other direction.
More and more students came from there room. Many were studying in their room. Many were gaming in their room. But i don't care because i don't have any friends. ..
But what i am doing here... When a sytem comes to the world You will granted with many powers. But what i have to do. As i thinking.
I stepped out on a ant.
Well its there problem being a short and came under my limb.
...The words on my screen crazily gone and swapped by a another words

 『 You are 137th one to killed a living being. 』 『 you got 5 true points』 

A crazy expression came on my face.
Here is the link of webnovel site - https://m.webnovel.com/book/peace-is-what-i-want_29563366708313205