Just warning y'all, this is gonna be really long... I'm trying to give as much context as I can for better understanding. And another warning, I mention some things about weight and feeling insecure about it. Not anything too bad, but just so you know. Anyways. I'm AFAB, and I've used the label genderfluid since 2019, but now as I'm getting older and allowing myself to explore my gender identity without feeling ashamed, I don't know if I'm really genderfluid, or transgender, or what. I just would like to know what label this sounds like to y'all? And I KNOW I don't Have to use a label, I just want to know or get some other peoples thoughts on it, because I'm really confused and don't know what is really going on with me. So basically, I've been identifying as a woman for a long time, since it's my assigned gender at birth. But in 2019, I really just learned about LGBTQ and all of the labels and meanings, and I found that Genderfluid fit me best. That some days I felt like a boy, some days I felt like a girl, some days I felt like neither, or both, whatever. But I think I kinda forgot about it, and I just identified as a woman again. And then in 2020, I thought I might be trans, as I wanted to be everything male. I wanted to dress that way, look that way, have a different name and haircut and pronouns and all of that. And I was ALOT happier that way, and I felt more comfortable, but also not at the same time because of my chest. I've wanted a binder for a VERY long time, and I didn't have one till just THIS year, and so whenever I dressed how I wanted to in 2020, I just looked like a guy with a big bust and it repulsed me, so I really just tried to be male online with my friends mostly? Since I didn't look like one in real life, I felt like I was embarrassing myself, y'know? :( And in 2021, I just went by agender, because I didn't feel like being anything. But also that year, I was really depressed, so I think maybe I just didn't wanna have to stress about my gender too. Anyways, in 2023 I went into a relationship with somebody, and I was identifying as a woman at that point, so I kinda subconsciously hyperfeminized myself so I could be their "perfect" girlfriend, even though they didn't want me to do that. I kinda tried way too hard that year 💀 We broke up in November that year, and after that, I've been exploring my gender again. I realized there wasn't really a need to be so feminine, and I started to like Harry Potter for the first time! My favorite character was Ron Weasley, and I started to really like his character, and the actor himself. I really admired the way he dressed when he was younger, and at that point, I decided that I should start dressing the way I REALLY want to. So I got the money for new clothes, AND A BINDER! And I finally got to dress the way I've wanted for so long, and I was so happy. It was the happiest and best I've ever felt and looked in so long. I felt just like a boy. But, I also felt dysphoric for the first time in a while, because I had my long dark brown hair still. I didn't feel like I really looked like a boy enough because of it. And I debated cutting my hair, but I thought I was just really liking that Rupert Grint guy too much, and I only was acting that way because of him. Sometimes I really like a character or celebrity and I kind of accidentally subconsciously take on some things that they do, and the way they dress. But I eventually completely stopped liking Harry Potter, and I still wanted that haircut, so I did it. And I really tried to give myself a gender neutral/androgynous haircut, so if I felt like a girl again, I wouldn't regret the haircut. I had that haircut, and I dressed the way I wanted to, and I felt incredible. It's the most confident I've ever felt in my life, but then my hair started to grow out, and I looked more girly again, and I couldn't take it. So I had another haircut, this time inspired by Chino Moreno, the lead singer of my favorite band ever, Deftones. I got hairgel, and now I go out with my spiked hair, baggy jeans with boxers showing, baggy band shirt, my sneakers, and a ton of bracelets and cuffs. This is JUST how I have ALWAYS wanted to dress. I feel like a boy, and I'm so happy. But now I'm really getting to the point now, that's all of the context I had to say first. I've recently caught myself thinking "I can't wait to get top surgery one day." Which, I am DEFINITELY doing. But then I started thinking... what's next after that? Am I just gonna be me with a flat male looking chest, or am I gonna want to go more into it? (As in taking testosterone.) because I also catch myself dreaming about the day I'm old enough to take it. But does that mean I'm trans then? Because, I do like the idea of looking like a woman... But I also don't at all at the same time. I only like the idea od looking like a girl, I guess. Like a young girl. (Because I grew up as a little young girl who wore dresses and bows and did sweet things, I just feel most comfortable being a girl that way, related to my childhood. I don't like the idea of being a girl grown up getting a job, a relationship, a LIFE, ETC.) It's really confusing. And, my mom got nervous when I brought up top surgery though (and she 100% supports me though) because she was worried I would regret it when I do feel like a woman again. And I think that even if I do feel like a woman again one day, I can just be a woman with a flat chest ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. But also, for the first time maybe ever in my life, I've started to get insecure over my weight. I think that when I was identifying/presenting myself as a woman, I just accepted that I was a bit big, because I was curvy and women are curvy sometimes and that was it. I've always been a little insecure over it, but I've also always been very scared to lose weight, because I'm scared that it'll go out of control and I'd get an eating disorder or something. Which is probably just a really weird thought, but I worry about alot of weird things. Anyways, I think the reason it's really bothering me now is because I want to look like a man. Not a big curvy woman with boobs and hips and love handles and a butt, I want to be a fully flat man. I'm flat in the chest at least with my binder, but I feel disgusted whenever I have to see my hips or behind though. Not necessarily because they're big, but because I'm supposed to be a man. It makes me feel so dysphoric. I just don't understand what is going on with me. Am I just a heavily confused genderfluid person? Am I really just a girl?? Am I transgender, and I only liked being a girl when I was younger, but not as an adult??? Is that even a thing????? I just need advice, or opinions, or somebody to help out and tell me what labels this could be, or what is wrong with me, or something. Please. Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry for the very very long post.
TL;DR. I don't know if I am a transgender male, or just a really confused genderfluid person.

It says “added to want to read list” but when I go there, it’s not there. And when I re-search the book, the option listed is “add to want to read list” as if I never added it to begin with.
When I add a book to “want to read” on my MacBook it gets added there; However, adding it on my MacBook should automatically add it to the “want to read” but it doesn’t. There’s no seamless connection so it’s annoying to keep track of it all.
Does anyone know why this is happening, please help because this seems like it’s a problem only I have because I can’t find a single person online with the same one. It’s a minor problem an annoyance given how enormous of a company Apple is
Thank you much!

My wife was diagnosed with metastatic cancer a week ago and started chemo today. Stunned. Sad and afraid. Coming to terms slowly. Doctors say it is curable and we are hopeful. Emotions i never felt coming like lightning strikes. She's fortunately very healthy otherwise and we have good care and support for which we're grateful beyond words. Our teenagers are coping well so far it seems.
My issue is how to make sure I ask for support as a guy who doesn't do that much and also given my wife wants to keep the diagnosis under wraps.
She wants this to be closely kept to just good friends and family which I completely understand. I get why and support it 100%.
So my deal is I don't have a lot of close friends, I don't have friends I talk to every day, or who know a lot about my inner life, hopes and fears, day to day. My birth family is trying to be supportive but just doesn't have the tools, so I have to manage them. I've got 2 kids who I'm concerned for, this is so huge for them. Can't even imagine what they're experiencing. As boys they're not exactly pouring their hearts out, but they're doing their best and are champs.
I also don't know what I really need as far as support. I dont want to be an idiot and try to speedrace this without talking to anyone. But I'm using my energy for social interaction talking to doctors and to my wife and for work stuff. At the end of the day I don't even want to process with friends. I want to take care of myself like the good ole introvert i am. I like to keep to myself, be independent. i generally process things by talking to a wide range of people I come across and know whether we are tight or not, I am kind of a "grazer" when it comes to talking things out if that makes sense.
So in short, I would by nature be talking to a lot of people, not all very close to me, to do my processing. But this goes against what my wife needs which is for this so it's off the table.
Can I feed my need as caregiver to process by talking to lots of people with this post on Reddit? I don't know. But I have to give my wife the privacy about her cancer she needs now.
Thanks for weighing in and for advice and for building this community. Didn't know it was here, didn't want to know, didn't want to ever need it but hugging it with both hands right now and grateful to everyone who built it.
Peace and sound sleep to all of you reading & good health wishes to your loved ones.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRa-Alergy posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 9th May 2024
Update - 10th May 2024
​
AITAH for telling my bf that his daughter is not allowed in my apartment because she doesn’t stop smuggling peanuts in?
​
I can’t have any contact with peanuts and I am terrified of them due to some bad experience ms ending up in the hospital. I have my shots now on me all the time. It is not exactly airborne but I could have irritation and if it for example touch something that had been in contact with peanuts i could have swollen eyes and itchy nose and throat. Ingesting is fatal.
She is 14 and has no respect what so ever for my anxiety. My bf and I moved in and she lives with us every other week. Now I told my bf that I don’t want her here because she is not respecting my boundaries. But that I understand that he doesn’t want to live with me in that case we could revert back to him being with me when he doesn’t have his daughter. He got very upset because he said that he loved me and wanted a real relationship and to live in one home.
So I told him that maybe he should be with someone who isn’t allergic then. He thinks I am being very unfair. He said well, she will probably hate the next one too and the next and the next because she wants her mom and me to be together again so it wasn’t “me specifically” that she dislikes. I said that maybe he needs to take a break from dating then until she is onboard but he said that he couldn’t be single just because his daughter wants him to. Before me he was single for 6 years and that wasn’t good enough.
Before we decided to move in together, we have done some “trial” living together and never once did his daughter do anything about the nuts. But now for 4 months she has always peanuts with her. I don’t know why she is doing this. I thought we were cool. She just smirks and says maybe if you are so allergic, maybe you’re not meant to survive(a stand up comedy bit from Louis CK)
​
Comments
​
ERVetSurgeon
NTA but you need to leave this relationship. She thinks it is funny and he doesn't care. The amount of disrespect for your health is amazing.
​
CruelxIntention
This. He’s allowing this instead of getting to the core of it and putting the child in therapy where she clearly belongs. She’s plenty old enough to know this can kill someone and to have complete disregard over that shouldn’t be overlooked. You may love this guy but I’m betting you love breathing more.
​
WonderingGemini84

"You may love this guy but I'm betting you love breathing more."

THIS!!!
You can not love someone when you're dead.
The boyfriend doesn't seem to realise how serious "the no peanuts"-thing is. This is a non-negotable. Your home should be your safe space, she doesn't respect that and he doesn't hear you (or doesn't care enough)
Throw them out OP!!!
​
weeperOfChimneys
NTA, she has all but said she's attempting to kill you with peanuts. Quoting a comedian doesn't make it funny or acceptable. He hasn't bothered to search her and divest her of the nuts when he picks her up either.

OOP: He offered this as a suggestion. Visitation before she entered my apartment but I don’t want this kind of life. I was fine only seeing him on his weeks off. But I understand that he wants something more permanent than meeting every other week so he probably should find another woman

​
YoghurtSnodgrass
She would probably just hide peanuts around his place for you to hopefully come in contact with. Just break up. His kid is trying to kill you.
Where is she even getting all these nuts from? Is her mom buying them for her? Does she buy them from a vending machine at school? How crazy is the little turd?
​
**Judgement - NTA*\*
​
Update - 1 day later
​
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for really caring about a stranger with a dilemma. I was glad that I wasn’t wrong in my guts. I told my bf that I wanted to break up.
He was very sad and tried to reason with me. He suggested that we could live separately. His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18 doesn’t guarantee that she leaves the nest nor that he stops being a father either. Any time she could come across hardships and wants to move home and she needs to find that home. She couldn’t have it with me.
And about living separately, while it is fine now and some few years ahead. What about the future?
He was silent and listening to me. I felt overwhelmed because I love him. He said that the only way his daughter will be happy is when he is alone. She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings. He is just a father. I didn’t know what to tell him and just said that she probably needed time to grow up.
Until he moves out, his daughter is not allowed to be in my apartment. She called and threw a tantrum about her father choosing me instead. That she has the right to live with her father every other week and this shouldn’t change. I didn’t say anything, they need to fix this as a family, I am not a part of this family anymore.
He rented his apartment for a year’s contract so I don’t know how he will manage to find a new or terminate the lease so he could move back to his old apartment. Anyway he is staying here for a couple of months.
I am very sad that this beautiful relationship has come to an end. But I need to think about myself now.
​
Comments
​
he_nooch73
Know you made the right choice for you, your health, your safety. As someone said in your other post ‘you may love him, but you probably love breathing more’. I think you’re right about his daughter never accepting his partners. He needs to address this with her in therapy. I hope her therapist knows about the peanuts because her behaviour is truly disturbing. I’m so sorry your relationship had to end.
Commercial-Ask3416
I feel so bad for you and your boyfriend. I feel like he is stuck between a rock and hard place regarding his daughter. I know people are saying he should discipline her or this and that, but it sounds like it wouldn't work and that she would likely escalate. I work with kids like her. Hoping her not being able to live with her dad the next few months will be a wake up call for her but in my experience I doubt it. Good luck to the both of you, especially him as he has to deal with the fallout. Not your monkey, not your circus anymore.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hello, I want to change my bike and I want something I can ride for long trips 2000-4000 km but also for daily use in the city (quite crowded city).
In the list, between the two from the title was also versys 650 but i rode it once and the vibration man...literally tickles my foot so i took it out from the list.

1. I owned 2 yamahas (xj6 and fz6) and a honda shadow, beside this i rode a track ready R6 for one competitional season. Also rode R1, FZ1 so i know my way around fast bikes. The reason for mentioning this is because one of my struggles choosing between this bike is the torque. Having the fz6 and xj6, i hated the fact that i had to go to higher rpms to "get the engine going". The 4 inline after 2 years got me bored even tho the fz6 screams nicely at high rpms. For those who experience both of the bikes what is your thoughts about the torque how does it feel?
   
2. What about the engine? As I see on different forums, most people say that the engine from v-strom is very reliable. What about the yamaha engine, does anyone know any common problems with it. Can it handle high mileag?
   

3, I really like yamaha tracer because of the looks, the sound of the engie, for me it looks better than the V-strom but i might take that out of the consideration if there are more pros towards the V-Strom.
4.Conclusion
I need someone who had at least one of these bikes that can share their experience about it. Common problems, pros and cons, long trip, city riding, etc.
Thank you very much!

I am in the throws of grief like I have never known. It is dark, lonely, and so crowded with people telling me what they think is best for me or offloading on me. For context, my partner had brain cancer at the same time but it was too late to receive treatment and he died within the week of diagnosis and I died with him that day too. It has been 9 months since my love passed. I have one friend who's brother also had brain cancer and was going through treatment last year. Today, she let me know without any warning about her brother (huge trigger for me right now can I just say, anything cancer makes me want to vomit). He is in remission... This family is loaded and put lots of money into treatment. She is in shock and will be spending time with her family. This same person also told me not to sleep with her ex-boyfriend (one of mine and my partners great friends) a week after my partner passed. They had been broken up for months and he has been one of my biggest supports. This friend offloaded on me about their break up during the first Christmas and New Years period that I endured without my love. I was just trying to survive, how am I supposed to listen to you whining about your relationship when you're both still here? I am so angry at her insensitivity. I can't fathom it at all.
So I'm letting her go. I cannot deal with the emotional turmoil that I now have to deal when it comes to her on top of my grieving. I sent her a message saying I'm so glad to hear (which I am deep down but not under the pain), masking the strongest feelings of rage and relief I have ever felt in my life. I'm thankful she won't go through what I'm going through. But I don't understand her. Is it complete denial? I have no idea. I just want to vent here because I know y'all understand. Anyways, thanks for reading. I hope everyone else is having a better grief day than I am. Sorry if lots of this doesn't make sense but I appreciate this place a lot.

I am posting this here too from raisedbynarcissists to see if people relate and wish to share how they feel. Up to you. Hope all is well.
Tw: family death and emotional neglect/abuse
I hate venting online as it’s futile and embarrassing for me (no one has to feel this way. This is just my own personal view that is mine and only mine) So, I will probably delete this soon for I also hate showing weakness to strangers since it always leads to more abuse it seems and i am often weary of others. So, with this, I’ll try and open up even if it’s temporary.

A bit of backstory I guess. My mother died when I was 7 which left behind a hole that needed to be filled for dad and I. She, the step “mom”, came along to help us for she struggled with a divorce of an abusive ex husband. She had issues, as you would expect, yet here I thought of her as someone I could get along with, to play with, to be around when things got bad, and all the things a little kid would think. At first, everything was fine, I even had silly nicknames for her that she “enjoyed” she responded with kindness to these (one was care bear, another was pumpkin because it was fall and she liked the smell, the others I don’t remember) and I remember how happy I was when she liked the little nicknames. Since it was the beginning, I would want her over often as I wanted someone to become a person I could look for as a mom but not as a replacement to my actual mom who recently died during that time. I liked her. 

Alas these things don’t get a happy ending, as with time, dad got more ill. During this time she would be by his side more (which is totally understandable, I would too for my lover I didn’t show jealousy during this time but support as I got to spend more time with my “sister”) and it slowly evolved to hospital visits. I would slowly pick up being a “parent” for her disabled daughter when I was 9/10/11 (can’t remember exact age, sorry). This was because she would go out with dad to spend time with him, go to the other room to isolate from us (either needing alone time or to help him. Not my business), be with him for hospital stays, etc. I was used to this since I was accustomed to helping my dad with his medical issues and helped him get ready for “life” by the time I was late 7/early 8 due to his own health failing as well.
Hop years later. After problem and after problem I had gotten in with her and vice versa I realize my step mother never genuinely cared about me. I know it takes two to tango and it’s partly my fault, I get where I fell in my faults and I’ve accepted them as my lessons in day to day life. I’m not perfect. As I became more reclusive to her as she showed a lack of accountability (and to this day, she won’t admit and see why it was so wrong for her to do things that were heavily against me) I was then always the scapegoat as she showed love and gushed over her actual kids (this was always a issue, I just didn’t think about it as a little kid and I got “bratty” when I got older as i began to recognize the “unfairness”). My achievements were worthless and often met with a “you should’ve already been good at that”, “you should know better by now”, or “that should already have been done if it was something important to you”. The typical “you aren’t good enough” wearing different clothes.
The feelings of being useless had already creeped in by the time I was 10/11 so this was going on for a long time (along with many other issues that I’m not gonna get into). Even as I got nearly straight A’s in college I was never praised except by dad (who unfortunately died when I was early 19. I miss him to this day). I know I should not have sought out praise, especially if I was grown, but I would’ve loved a “good job” from her… I know that’s silly but it would’ve been nice to be seen as her actual kid worthy of love and being seen that way just a little. I know my pesky teen years didn’t help but I was still her kid in some capacity but I was treated like a punching bag. All because she had her own jealousy and hate for me. (Even her own kids called her out on how she treated me, nothing changed from her.)
Now with no family left except a few aunts, she tried everything she can to ensure I don’t become independent (I don’t wanna talk too much about it, I’m too tired plus this post is getting rather long as it is).
The parts that hurt the most were: She refused my safety from my childhood to adulthood. She never cared what truly happened to me it seems.
Never really paid attention to me unless to berate me which was done usually in the form of gossiping to others. Plus attempting to embarrass me in front of others so when my teenage self got upset she can use my reaction as “proof” and to “justify” herself, sometimes trying to attempt it to adult me as she smiled and snickered about it. Thankfully most adults who were older took pity and even commented on how arrogant and awful she seemed as a person (adult me, they never did anything about teenage me which I get, I fell for her tricks that made me look bad. Happy I learned that lesson young, at least there is that).
She snooped around my room and life to gossip to her kids about me on how much of a failure I was and how disgusting of a person I am. Then got mad when I isolated or kept my life very secretive.
She would find issues with me just to try to make my dad hate me which thankfully it failed. I’m unsure if this was a attempt to further isolate me because I wasn’t a part of her “actual kids”. I don’t know and I’m too tired to know, it’s done and over with I can vent about that in therapy. However she sadly was successful in getting him to yell at me. The worst part of the yelling is that she would watch me cry or go to the other room to listen rather than just leaving me alone. I now realize it was a way for her to “get off” I believe.
When she realized she couldn’t control my life she tried hiding food from me as I was early 20’s because she had “control issues with me” (her words not mine). I didn’t like things going to waste so I’d eat nearly expired foods often and she would get pissy that I was “stealing from her”.
She gossiped to strangers about how I never do anything with myself and suspected I was just a useless failure. (I was in college with a job, thanks.)
When I did finally snap from the times she would treat me poorly she held on to it. I guess to put it, think of me over reacting I get I did wrong and I learned my lesson but when she snapped with a over reaction or something really hurtful she expected to be forgiven.
She also would steal from me and blame me (but would expect me to keep my hands to myself when I was hungry and didn’t have the time or funds to get food… this one still bothers me but I will talk in detail of this to my therapist not here as I’m tired and the post is already long enough).
All I wanted was a mom to care but I guess I couldn’t get that because the one I got died when I barely got to know her. There is more to say but I think that is all of us here, too much to say about someone who was supposed to love us. My apologies if my post is in shambles I never really let anything out like this so I’m sure I kinda sound “childish” but like- I really hate Mother’s Day and I just wanted to let it out, even if I delete this later.

Hi everyone, im telling this story more so to vent, and not because I don’t know what to do, im done with him.
I dated this man for 6 weeks (thank god not longer) we were together so much, (so I would’ve never guessed) and when we weren’t together he was calling and texting me. While the s3X was amazing he always brought up feelings, commitment, etc to me and we were together days at a time. Even said he wants a son and sees me having a boy someday, etc. just always painting the picture that he wants and sees us in a long term commitment and his actions were showing it (may have been moving a bit fast for my liking which can be a red flag, but you get the point here) I’ve been single for awhile before he came along and I’ve been doing a lot of self work and healing, and everyone around me was congratulating me because he is a successful older man that makes good money and he was treating me great. People that care about me also know i don’t catch feelings easy and don’t give chances to people easy. Guess what?
Long story short: he went on vacation with his girlfriend, (they’re still on vacation, they come back in a day or two) i guess she went through his phone, and she contacted me about 4 days ago. We clarified some info on instagram DMs and I found out they’ve been dating for 1.5 years or so. I actually did know who she was, but I thought it was his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me) and they weren’t posting each other or interacting on social media for 4+ months or so on top of that, plus he gave me so much consistency, time, and attention- so I didn’t know. However, she travels A LOT for work she said, so that’s how he was able to get away with it. She’s older as well and was really nice. They’re both 10+ years older than me, im 25. She said she’s done with him a few days ago, as she’s never caught him doing this before, then kept telling me he’s telling her he just used me for s3X and we weren’t serious, and when I explained the dynamic to her she realized we were in fact dating. But now she’s posting stuff on her insta story to make it seem like they’re happy, then he’ll post stuff on his social media of the trip, but has nothing to do with her, and I don’t know how she can stomach what he did to her and hang out with him? Maybe she’s playing it off til the trip is over since its a business vacation/trip. But it’s just strange to me. I on the other hand didn’t say anything to him and blocked him. The worst part of it all, is I know he’s going to try and come back to me on some bs! I know what type of man he is, and I dodged a bullet! I’m kinda a little heartbroken because we got close in a short amount of time and I thought I was finally getting a good man I deserve to be with, but im so lucky I found this out early and dodged bullets!!!

Idk if I want to outright say the subreddit out of fear tbh, but it might be obvious from the vent. I do like this subreddit, but some people in it are just... kinda elitist feeling, I guess? There's a current trend where people were posting "judge me/make assumptions about me based on my top musicals", and I thought it was fun so I posted one this morning. Got one nice comment, but the post got downvoted once by someone else, leaving it at 0 votes. Which is fine, I don't care a whole lot, but I guess I assumed people upvoted more? And I rarely make posts, but the last one I made in an unrelated subreddit also got left at net 0 so,, guess I do feel a little discouraged. Then, later today, there was a complaint post about how annoying the "spam" is, even though this subreddit is dedicated to musicals (yeah giving it away now). One of the comments on this post said something about how they downvote and leave a rude assumption on the posts, and that feels so mean? So I left a reply saying something like "why leave hate instead of scrolling past it?" And they replied with "oh they asked for assumptions" and I replied "I mean the downvoting, seems kinda unnecessary", and they replied with "spam deserves downvotes" or something,, and my 2 replies got flooded with downvotes so I just deleted. I guess I'm just confused bc yeah the voting system is there for a reason, but my post that got a nice comment didn't get an upvote, and the unrelated post got like 75% nice comments... and still 0 upvotes? So. I'm just sad I guess. I thought the trend was fun and I wanted to participate but I guess it's spam and upvoting isn't as common as I thought? I mean, I upvote a ton of posts, and I knew I wasn't the norm, but I still thought upvoting was common... and idk, musicals and theatre in general is usually a super supportive community, so this feels very hurtful to me, I think. I'm also autistic and struggle heavily with emotions so I'm sorry for all the uncertainty here. I came back to this subreddit bc I've found it to be a lot more accepting :) I don't really know what I want to come of this post, but thank you if you've read this far. If this broke any rules, feel free to delete this post, I'll delete it myself as well if I'm in the wrong.

So I'll start off by saying I have made consistently poor decisions the entire time I have been in college. I started off in IT, then switched to Computer Science, and finally (after wasting 3 semesters at this point) landed on Game Programming as my college major...big mistake, but it was a dream job and still is, but its a very unrealistic dream. I've only more recently become interested in finding an IT job and after a year of applying to hundreds of jobs, only getting 7 interviews, and only once (last week) being offered a job, I happily accepted the position, without negotiating pay, just because I was shocked to even get offered the position so quickly. The job title is "IT Technician", but during the interview, I was told that the position covers on-site installations/repairs/replacements for security and POS systems, as well as a 24/7 help desk, and on top of that, they program all of the software used in the POS systems that they install. Lastly, they also maintain all servers and networks for their clients...
So, I will say again that my college major is game programming and I have never once had a class that covered anything outside of video games. Any programming language I learned, I only learned the basics of it before being thrown into the next language. So I would not say I am confident in my programming abilities if they think I am able to program on day 1 or even month 1. I have 4 years of customer service experience so that is the only thing I would say I'd be good at without a lot of training. But considering that I still have a year of college left to get my Bachelor's, no certifications, no past IT experience, and no portfolio, I honestly have no idea how I got offered this job when there were over 100 other applicants on Indeed (according to Indeed).
I'm just so confused as to how I got this job, what they were even looking for in their candidates, what skills they think I have, and more importantly, what I'm in for. I will also add that the interviewer said that there would be a second "technical" interview if they decided to continue with me, which I never had because they just offered me the job 4 days later. Its a salary position (45k) that is significantly more than what I make working in retail(14$/hr), but looking online for salary information, I see people making anywhere from 30-55k just to be a help desk technician. Assuming the guy that interviewed me was being dead serious, I would be working with hardware, software, help desk, and even networking? That seems like 4 job positions combined into a low-ball salary.
I am not complaining, I feel very blessed with this opportunity and I will put in 100% and then some, but my question is...did I just get lucky being picked? Is 45k reasonable for all of that, assuming I am actually going to be involved with all of it? If not, is it at least worth the experience I'll have on my resume later? Should I expect to work 8-5 five days a week like the job description states, or should I expect to be working 50+ hours a week just because I'm salary? I am willing to accept lower pay, mainly because I understand that I have 0 experience, no degree, not certs, and the fact that I would (hopefully) be learning a lot. However, I don't want the be completely taken advantage of, so what do you guys think?
Sorry for the length by the way, but thank you to those who took the time to read, and thanks again for any responses I may get.

hello, so this might be sort of a dumb question but I really don't know what else to do so I figured I'd ask here. sorry if this is not the right place to ask, if there is a better place, please let me know so I can head there
anyway, I'm planning on legally changing my lastname soon and I'm a bit worried the court will not find the reasons for change good enough. I'll tell you the reasons here so you can take a look at them
my parents are mexican, I was born in the united states. in mexico children inherit one lastname from their father and another from their mother, totaling 2 lastnames. when i was born my parents had only been in the united states for a few years. my mother wanted me to have two lastnames like is tradition in mexico but my father told her it was best if I only carried his in order to follow the customs of the united states. my mother says my father was worried it would be more difficult to assimilate into the new country if my name was not traditional
the 1st reason I want to change my lastname is to add my mother's lastname to my name so that way I could carry 1 lastname from both parents and my name would follow mexican tradition
the 2nd reason is because I am a dual citizen of both the united states and mexico. in mexico my name is the same except I also carry my mother's last name. I want my name in both countries to match. I just don't really like that it's different. it's weird
the 3rd reason is because my parents divorced and I have lived with my mother since then. she has supported me my whole life. this isn't to say my father hasn't, but due to me living with her I feel like she has been there for me more, if that makes sense. she's a very important person in my life, and I want her to have her lastname in my name even more because of that
these are the reasons I want to change my lastname. I don't know why but I am worried the court will not find these reasons good enough, especially since I'm not changing my name much, only adding a lastname. I am mostly worried about the 2nd reason because it involves a foreign country and I don't know, I guess I feel like the court might discard that reason and maybe the whole name change case or something like that, and tell me that because 1 of the reasons involves a foreign country then I can't change my name
so I guess I'm asking if you think this reasoning will hold up in court, and if it doesn't, what do you think I should change? should I omit 1 of the reasons or change the way I explain them? thank you in advance
also, just to be clear, I don't want my lastnames to be hyphenated, I want them to be 2 separate lastnames because this is how they show up on my mexican documents. I'm adding this in case this has any effect on something like this

Hi everyone, im telling this story more so to vent, and not because I don’t know what to do, im done with him.
I dated this man for 6 weeks (thank god not longer) we were together so much, (so I would’ve never guessed) and when we weren’t together he was calling and texting me. While the s3X was amazing he always brought up feelings, commitment, etc to me and we were together days at a time. Even said he wants a son and sees me having a boy someday, etc. just always painting the picture that he wants and sees us in a long term commitment and his actions were showing it (may have been moving a bit fast for my liking which can be a red flag, but you get the point here) I’ve been single for awhile before he came along and I’ve been doing a lot of self work and healing, and everyone around me was congratulating me because he is a successful older man that makes good money and he was treating me great. People that care about me also know i don’t catch feelings easy and don’t give chances to people easy. Guess what?
Long story short: he went on vacation with his girlfriend, (they’re still on vacation, they come back in a day or two) i guess she went through his phone, and she contacted me about 4 days ago. We clarified some info on instagram DMs and I found out they’ve been dating for 1.5 years or so. I actually did know who she was, but I thought it was his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me) and they weren’t posting each other or interacting on social media for 4+ months or so on top of that, plus he gave me so much consistency, time, and attention- so I didn’t know. However, she travels A LOT for work she said, so that’s how he was able to get away with it. She’s older as well and was really nice. They’re both 10+ years older than me, im 25. She said she’s done with him a few days ago, as she’s never caught him doing this before, then kept telling me he’s telling her he just used me for s3X and we weren’t serious, and when I explained the dynamic to her she realized we were in fact dating. But now she’s posting stuff on her insta story to make it seem like they’re happy, then he’ll post stuff on his social media of the trip, but has nothing to do with her, and I don’t know how she can stomach what he did to her and hang out with him? Maybe she’s playing it off til the trip is over since its a business vacation/trip. But it’s just strange to me. I on the other hand didn’t say anything to him and blocked him. The worst part of it all, is I know he’s going to try and come back to me on some bs! I know what type of man he is, and I dodged a bullet! I’m kinda a little heartbroken because we got close in a short amount of time and I thought I was finally getting a good man I deserve to be with, but im so lucky I found this out early and dodged bullets!!!

He's been in a relationship with me for almost 2 years now. We have our ups and downs because of him still getting over the trauma of his ex girlfriend (who he dated for 2 years. I dated him around a year and a half after he left her) and were do our best to talk things out. I find it hard sometimes, trying to talk things out with him. Sometimes it's like I can only see one right answer and he only sees the other one as right. And I understand that we can't always agree but when our disagreements turn into hour long silent treatments, it gets tiring . The other day I went to go see him at his job, I wore a tank top, sweatpants and a jacket that wasn't zipped cause it was really hot out and I didn't want to take off my hoodie cause I was too insecure to take it off in public so I just let myself breathe while I visited him. I had bought him a spray from the store he asked me to get and he told me he didn't have a lot of time to talk to me because of his new boss and he didn't want to get in trouble. I understood and tried to just give him the spray and leave but a coworker said he was chill and just go ahead so I went up to him to ask him where he wants me to put it and he tells me to "zip up"" ive never heard him ask me to zip up before, I've seen him fix a bra strap, or fix a shoulder strap that fell but "zip up?" Was... different. He ended up just walking away from me again while i stood there baffled.I just ended up putting his spray in a cubby and left with him saying ""bye i guess" and I just told him "bye" When I got home he had texted me "just like that?" I told him that we'd talk about it when he gets home but he never wanted to talk about it. He didn't even want to talk to me that night. A few nights later and I apologize, I told him that I was sorry for just leaving like that but I was stressed out and worried cause of your boss and I felt rushed then you told me to zip up and it frustrated me because I'm wearing a tank top, witth a built in bra, it wasnt like I was showing anything so I got mad at just left. He explained that he told me as a man, he knows how a man's perspective is and they're gonna look at anything. I asked him if he looks at anyone else like that and he said no but he knows women are wearing more revealing clothing now. She then said that a man will look at anything, big fat small or skinny they'll look and so I asked him why does what a man look at, affect how I dress? He just said nvm and to wear what i want and I feel like I shouldn't be conflicted like this. I feel as a woman I shouldn't have to be worried about other men looking at me because ik other men look. I don't care. I'm a woman. It's gonna happen and it socks but what can I do? Sorry for the yap. I just feel like I'm going crazy thinking that every little thing I think is normal and healthy is insane and absurd.
Ps: I want advice. I want help. I want us to work I want us to talk things out and it's hard to. But I want us to work. Thank you and I appreciate your time

I have a few issues with the last phase, Barret has more than enough mitigation for the first two phases, pop a steel skin and learn to perfect block and you're golden, my main issue is the last phase. This is my second playthrough on hard mode, and my only real thing is that barrets MP really kinda screws you over for this fight (I've beaten it both times now don't get me wrong it's not so much a skill issue as just a consistent problem I just struggle with for the 3rd phase). Undying Rage and that other similar one that can stun you SEEMS the most fair (granted rng saves me most of the time if I use barrets maximum whatever it's called for that second attack). The others have a wind up that's really fast so swiftcast + lightning (or whatever you use) is the way to go, but considering how little MP barret has (I get why in terms of his class), it screws you over big time. Even with MP Up you still get screwed. Thankfully at least one of the other attacks is an aoe that you can get out of range for BUT then barrets slow pace screws you over, Speed up helps a little but even then the window is so small you may as well just take the damage, and to mitigate those big hits you'd need to have barrie protect up which makes it even harder on the very little MP barret has.
I think personally maybe 1 or 2 seconds of extra windup wouldve been really useful especially because when Dyne starts his animation, the option to attack that discrete part only appears a bit into the wind up, and even with swift cast barret has has a very high chance of being hit especially because he runs out of MP really easily. Atb isn't really an issue, since you have perfect block and barret in general generates atb pretty fast. So what do you guys think? Again I'm not saying dyne is impossible but I do think some of his attacks needed to be tweaked just a little more to allow an actual reaction, imho dyne is the least fun boss fight in the trilogy so far even though he IS beatable, but ik that's purely subjective.
So in all do you think barret should've been able to have more MP, and do you agree with the 1 to 2 second extra wind up or nah?

My fiance and I have been together since highschool and recently got engaged after 10 years. He proposed to me in Europe on a trip that he paid for, but I planned the itinerary for each day because he hates planning things.
When he proposed it was near the end of our trip and he didn't get on one knee or say anything special. He just said something like it's been a long time coming and presented me with the ring. I said yes and back in the hotel I playfully asked him if he could propose again but on one knee because that's how I've always imagined it and after asking twice he said yes and got on one knee.
A few months later I find out that I got into medical school so I end up moving to a different state. He ends up moving with me after half a year even though he previously said that he won't move to that state because he hates that state. His boss and a few people all told him that it's a bad idea for him to not move with me and he ended up deciding to move after half a year of being apart. He was originally going to move to live with me after 1 year, but stated that he missed me a lot and couldn't be apart with me any longer.
I was the one that decided to hold off on planning a wedding because of medical school and now that it's been a year since he proposed, I don't feel excited about having a wedding or even planning one. I would be the one to plan everything. He did say said that he would help some but that made me even less motivated. I haven't even wanted to try on dresses.
Besides this our intimate life isn't that great. We both are busy with work and school so we have only been having sex like every other week. The only time we have fought in the many years we spent dating each other was because he wanted more sex and I didn't. I have given him many outs in the past because I know that intimacy issues are not good in the long run and I don't want him resenting me, but he said no each time and we stayed together.
There was one point in our relationship where I thought I was asexual and another point when I thought I was bi. My body rejected him at one point and I would just internally cry when we had sex. Thankfully I don't have that feeling anymore when we have sex. Sexually, I know that we are not compatible. We tried many things in the bedroom but it still hasn't improved on the frequency. I get more turned on by reading a spicy romance book than I do with my fiance. I would even hide masturbating until he would fall asleep. I haven't told him that I'm not sexually attracted to him because I know it would break his heart.
I love spending time with him, but we honestly feel like roommates and I feel like both of us are just together for convenience. I asked him a few months ago when he knew that he wanted to marry me and he couldn't come up with an answer. I asked again like a month later and he said something about an experience we had like a year before he proposed. It just made me feel like crap since we had been together since highschool and we are both almost 30 now. We fought a little about how he proposed and it ended in him saying that I can't bring it up ever again and to not talk about it with my friends or family because it makes him look bad.
I know what all the comments are going to say, but I just wanted to write how I'm feeling and potentially see if anyone else has experienced this. Thank you in advance for any advice you give or any roasts. I know deep down that we shouldn't go through with the wedding, but I feel like we might. We both don't want kids. We have two pets that we love dearly. Also I have asked him in the past if we would still talk as friends if we ever broke up and he said that he would never speak to me again.

About a month ago my husband physically assaulted me. We've been together for almost five years and just got married in February. I'm in my late twenties and he's in his early 40s. He was laid off a month prior to the assault and couldn't keep himself together, but things had been particularly rough for a few months before that as well. He has serious anger issues, is a bit (or a lot) of a narcissist, and drinks heavily most nights. I've learned how to deal with the mental abuse over the years (I've gotten pretty numb to it), but obviously it hasn't all been bad with him. On the night of the assault he provoked a fight with me and we argued (he was angry with my father over something that happened between them, I defended my father), but it escalated to him grabbing me from behind, slamming me into the ground, grinding my face into the carpet, and dumping his drink on me. He left bruises on my back and the side of my face. After I collected myself, I tried to confront him about what had happened that same night and he accused me of faking it, hitting myself to create the bruises, and he videotaped my crying while mocking me and telling me he was going to post it on the internet. He was drunk, but it was still such a surreal and ugly experience.
There have been a few occasions where he got physical during our relationship but never to this level. He's also done his fair share of punching and throwing things, but never actually directed any of that at me until a few months prior to this. He was angry and yelling and threw a roll of Haribo gummy's at my head. I dodged it and he missed, but I was stunned by the escalation. He mocked me and tried to convince me he didn't throw them at me, and said even if he did, it was just candy. It seemed like a dumb thing for me to be so freaked out by, but it stayed with me. It was something I thought about again after the assault, like I should have seen all of this coming.
I left the next morning after and have been staying with my dad. I've still spoken to my husband frequently and we did see each other once. For the first week or two he was incredibly apologetic and said all the right things to make me believe it wouldn't happen again. He almost convinced me that he was serious about change and I was starting to think that I should just go back to our apartment and move on. I've missed him a lot and I've felt completely alone without him. But then he started going back to his old ways. Shifting the blame to me, digging through the last five years of our relationship to find things to get angry at me for, and trying to draw comparisons to past (verbal) fighting with the physical assault he committed that night. He has expressed remorse and said that it won't happen again, but I don't know if he means it and I don't know if he even cares. I think he's too much of a narcissist to even try to examine how he could be at fault in this situation. It's frustrating and sad because I feel like in the back of his head he honestly believes that I'm overreacting and he's reached his "limit" on being apologetic. Anytime he's ever been wrong or has done something wrong, he lashes out to protect his own ego.
Our last few phone calls have been terrible. He even tried to say that I assaulted him and it was no different than what he did, referring to a night a couple years ago when I was trying to push his chest to get him out of my apartment during a big fight when he was refusing to leave. He has over 100lbs on me so I didn't have much of an impact. But in his mind, that's the same as what he did. Or at least that's what he told me while he was drunk and yelling at me on the phone. Lately he's gone back to insulting me, gaslighting me, and calling me crazy, and even with all of that, I'm STILL considering going back to him. I don't know if I'm just brainwashed at this point, but I keep making excuses for him and I keep doubting myself and my own accounting of things. He's always told me that I have a terrible memory and I'm "crazy" and whatever else he can say to twist the narrative in his favor, especially after he's blown up at me, and I guess it actually had an impact on me. I'm doubting all of my own feelings and all of the fear and anxiety I feel when I think about him. At times I try to blame myself for the things he's done. I feel disgusted by it.
Just for a laugh I should add that I'm a Canadian citizen and we were in the middle of filing a green card application on my behalf. I talked to my immigration lawyer and she gave me some good advice, but it's making this whole situation even more stressful and difficult. I would be lying if I said it wouldn't be easier to just go back to him instead of having to pack my whole life up and leave the country, which is really my only other option now. I honestly (and shamefully) do really miss him, but going back feels like I'm almost guaranteeing that the same abuse will start back up again. Maybe not physical abuse, but definitely all the mental abuse. It's already started and I'm not even back with him yet.
If anyone actually made it this far, thank you for reading. I really needed to vent and I've read a lot of posts on here that I can relate to.

I guess let me cut to the chase, then can explain a bit of why I'm asking below:

1. Around how much would you say you spent in total to get all tools? (Not just starter kits, but saying everything...)
   
2. Around how long do tools like picks and all last before needing to be replaced?
   
3. Approximately how much do you spend each year on getting locks?
   

Quick story on me is I'm disabled and on a limited budget. While looking for things to do, I decided to pool together money and got the FNG kit and Learn Lockpicking bundle from Covert Instruments (which was $95.14), a very big spend for someone like me living off of $1,236/mo . Unfortunately I've mastered those locks in a short period of time. I'm definitely on the hunt for locks and will gradually get things together.
That said, I'm walking into this completely blind overall. I spent some time going through FAQ provided for this group and I have a lot more research to do. But right now I'm just working on trying to get a realistic understanding of what investments I may need to plan for here in the future. I know it will be a small grind over many years and I'm not rushing. I'm also aware numbers will vary greatly from person to person. But if you can help by sharing a bit on ballpark costs, it might help me on trying to be realistic on what I'll need to work toward and possibly what to add to wish lists for holidays and all.
NOTE:
As I'm posting this, I want to make things abundantly clear that I only have explained my situation (perhaps too much info, but I'm weird that way) so all of you might better understand the purpose of my questions and what information I'm seeking. I'm just looking for information. I am not seeking nor will I accept anything from anyone here except for any advice you might have. Thanks!

I think this is a topic we should continuously bring up and discuss because I believe creating a base or home is such an important part of Fallout. After a long day of fighting off the monsters and horrors of Appalachia, we sometimes just want to come home to our homey base and admire our creation and hard work. The more I build, the more I feel restricted on what I can do and have to really plan and sacrifice some creative designs to meet with the building limitations. With the evermore additions to things we can add to our base, base building really needs to be refined. I'll add what we had last post and what suggestions were made as well. I'll also add more of what I've noticed from my return to the game. Previous post for reference.

Disclaimer of Understanding

Listen, I understand there could be hardware limitations in regarding to number of items or models that can be loading and unloaded at any time for the servers though we need to find some middle ground. A way to optimize the base limits to allow for more creativity. I also understand there could be programming limitations though refactoring some the base building limits is a positive change and worth while, especially to continue improving on this game long term (if that's what is planned to be).

Quick bullet points of Ideas from previous post

• Wallpaper to be painted on BOTH sides of the wall.
• For the love of god, increase base building limits, since we cant have two camps at the same time. I'm trying to decorate haha. Ideally id love a camp to build my vendor store and a home but hey..im good with either.
• why hard limit displays? I'm a collector, let me show off my collectables :( .. increase or remove display limits.
• Vendor should have a recently sold list. Like 5 items. Sometimes I miss the notifications :(
• allow me to mass select items and scrap. Unless I'm missing something I cant seem to find this feature anywhere.
• posters and wallpaper seem to have troubles meshing. Hopefully this could be fixed. I find posters hide behind wallpaper. Also..
• why does changing wallpaper remove everything off of wall. Sad times. Hopefully this could be changed.
• No-Atmosphere-4145 commented: I'd love for a feature where adding stairs won't cause the entire construction to become unremovable.
• Belickade commented: And how about an undo feature for the times you accidentally scrap a camp object.
• Similar to No-Atmospher-4145's post but I'll add it.. JakLynx commented: I’d love it if adding stairs to a vault wall door with vault door didn’t break the door and literally prevent you from entering.

Base Building Limits Extended

Lets talk about some Quality of Life updates that would help our base building experience. I'll dive deeper into some of the points that need some extra points to it.

For the love of god, increase base building limits, since we cant have two camps at the same time..

A further increase to maximum storage is not what we're talking about ( while this is something that can be improved upon), we want to be able to build more around our base, the total base building limit is what needs to be increased. Wires should not be apart of the base building costs in my opinion, this would help alleviate some room in the limit. I'm also hoping that wallpaper and things inside the displays don't count towards it but I have not personally checked.
To add more to the strain of base limits, is it possible to put things on shelves? I feel like they're so bare, id like to have them display items like display cases do.. that would be an amazing change!
Speaking of display cases..

why hard limit displays? I'm a collector, let me show off my collectables :( .. increase or remove display limits.

Lets increase these AND do not have the items count towards base storage. It sucks so much to see my STASH storage so high and be like "oh, its all the stuff on display" .. AND in the vendor. Putting items in your vendor or on display should remove them from your STASH. This would help the currently implemented STASH limit and it would also be such an improvement to the build system.
I also believe the limits on display shouldn't be towards the category but towards the item. Wall Displays should be separate than the floor glass display or any floor display to be honest. Even if you didn't increase the total limit for building displays and just separated how many you can make of each (mind you don't decrease the amount to 5 each..), this would improve our base building quality of life.
To further talk about displays, sometimes I can't place wall mounted displays because that wall doesn't have support below, though I was still able to build the wall. If the wall exists, the wall mounted display should be able to go on it.

And how about an undo feature for the times you accidentally scrap a camp object.

This is self explanatory though this is me emphasizing that this is huge. Big feature needed. Just a general undo last change is such a big help.

STASH Quality of Life Updates

These points were mentioned before but I'm going to mention them again. I understand that Fallout 1st is a good way for you to make some money on the stash limits, so upgrading the already set 1200 storage limit is unlikely BUT there are things that count towards stash that should not be. Such as:

• Vendor Items. These should not count towards our stash limit, its in the vendor..
• Displays. The item or weapon is being displayed outside my stash, therefore should not count towards my stash. This should be the case for all displays including bobblehead displays, Nuka-cola displays and so forth. This would alleviate so much space for some people and allow there to be more room without needing to increase the hard limit on STASH space.

That's pretty much it on that front.

New Ideas

Scrapping.
Scrapping my building item (generator, wall, lights) and losing most of its materials is a little frustrating. If I built it, I should get my materials back though I understand that is what storing items is and that you want to continue to have a game loop for gathering materials. So, its not a huge thing if this isn't changed in some way. Maybe I'm upset because I scrapped a generator to build it after I change the floor and didn't have enough materials anymore to re-build the generator. lol.
Fast Travel Spawn Point
This is a really cool request. Give us the ability to choose where players spawn when they fast travel to my base? Have one custom spawn point that must be put on a foundation or floor. Reason I say this is because my base is on a cliff and sometimes people or even myself don't spawn in my base but on the side of the cliff and then I have to fast travel again. It'd be nice to just have them spawn in a location that is preset so that no one falls or gets stuck.
I can see players setting up traps and what not with this, though I think the benefit outweighs the negative. There are many free fast travel locations if you get stuck and you only drop junk on death so? Maybe I don't know of other negatives from dying but I feel like most people want to show off their homes and not setup prisons lmao.
Shelves as displays
I talked about this earlier though shelves feel empty and I feel like my kitchen shelving would look nice if I can store some ingredients on them. Make it look more full and lively. Otherwise idk what to do with them lmao. Doesn't need to be crazy, just like fill the front side of the shelving unit and have 3 or 4 items to be displayed on the shelf. Also if this is implemented, items on shelves should not go towards STASH limits.
Renaming Power Chassis
I get confused on which power chassis hold what or displays what. Its like 7 power chassis in my stash. It'd be nice to name them lol.
Mark as To Be Scrapped
It'd be nice to mark items as "To Be Scrapped" so you know what you want to scrap, or even sell. That way you don't scrap something by mistake.
Guest Book
I remember reading somewhere an idea of having a guest sign book so that people that visit could sign saying like "I was here' or maybe "yolo 420" lol but it could also be emotes, stickers, pre-generated phrasing that people could sign with like a date saying when they signed it. Would be cool. Even something that could be done on the personal terminal?.

Conclusion

Look, I get it, some of these features are big asks but overall the quality of life improvements to STASH limits by removing the items displayed and in the vendor would be such a good change and one that wouldn't require too much refactoring of the CAMP code base (I hope). A lot of what was mentioned is nice to have but some are like really important to the ecosystem of building your base. Display limit segregation, removing wires as counting towards base limit, fast travel spawn point, undo button are just some to name that would bring big changes to the base building feature in this game.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Until next time!

I posted this in the questions thread but thought I would post here as well as I'd ideally like to discuss the concept further with whomever is willing to do so.
How do I access my equity most efficiently? I have 4.5m in equity between two triplexes, ~850k in my home that is a teardown. I have 1.3m in a brokerage, 2.5m between Traditional and Roth IRAs. Zero debt. I am 64 and married. I see that HELs often have DTI limits around 50%. I am retired as is my spouse, our gross income is a touch over 30k/m, 10k from rentals, 18k from TBill allocation across investment accounts, there is an additional 5k between pensions and ss. Credit score is above 800.
I want to strategically access my equity to invest into high yield credit when spreads are at extreme levels and pocket the difference between the prime rate and the effective yield (which has been about 8-10% over the last few recessions).
The issue I see is that the internet tells me you can often only access ~50% DTI. Other issue is, as the prime rate moves lower and high yield spreads blow out (when I want to take the trade), my Tbill income will be yielding a lot less, perhaps only 1-2% (or even 0%) as the Fed cuts rates. So my income during that period would only be say ~15k/m. At a DTI of 50%, assuming a prime rate of 5-6% at 30y fixed, I could only access about 1.25-1.4m in equity.
My main concern here is, what do people like myself do who have large amounts of equity relative to their income such that they never come close to 70-80% D/E levels, but they wish to access their equity? Would the bank take into consideration the size of my liquid assets to achieve a higher DTI ratio, or that the loan is being invested into an asset yielding a higher rate than the loan? How exactly do I access more equity?
Thanks plenty for any help and clarification.

A short story time: I remember talking to Leah on my first co-op save with my friends. None of us had decided on who to marry so I tried talking to everyone in town. Then on a random rainy day she says how her entire day got ruined because she accidentally stepped on a bug. That's when I decided that she would be my wife (I found it cute, okay?!).
Now that I started a new save with one of my friends I have yet to receive this dialog... So I'm asking if you need a certain number of hearts to see it or is it a time specific so it's only like in spring when it's raining. I tried looking through the wiki but didn't find it. It could be that I just missed that part of the wiki but regardless! I want to know if this thing is real or am I just going crazy.
And thank you for everyone who knows something or can tell me if I'm just wasting my time! (Marked spoiler just in case!)

AM I TAH?
So for starters my best friend from kindergarten is mad at me. 19 years of friendship.
They recently started “ghosting me” (ignoring my messages/phone calls) this isn’t nothing out of the usual as she does have a mental disorder (BPD) we call it their “going rouge” episodes so I didn’t think much of it. They usually snap out of it within a month or so. Well it was well over 6 months and they’ve been active on fb, snap, and everything else. Ignoring my meme tags. That’s never been like them before. So I messaged and asked if they were seriously ok, and if I did something to make them mad… well I got a long message…
They said there was 2 main reasons why they weren’t talking to me anymore.
They said I was “acting better” than them bc I told them my car was 30,000 dollars more than theirs… just wait here me out.. they got a car that was a fraction of the cost of mine (nothing wrong with that at all) but they were crying to me on the phone when it had broke down and said they thought maybe it was a bad decision. I tried to reassure them that just because it may break down it’s cheaper to fix than buying a new one. As they claim they don’t want a huge car payment.
A brief explanation my car was 30,000 and it has had almost 9,000 dollars of warranty work done. (Thank god for extended warranties) My car has been in the shop more than I had it.
As they was crying to me overthinking their decision I tried to reassure them that hey, all cars break down. “My car was 30,000 and broke down so many times at least you will have way less than that put into your car after you get it fixed. (Their car needed a new head gasket). They claim I was trying to make it seem like mine was more expensive than theirs
I’m not saying this to be mean at all because I truly have tried to work with them with their diagnosis. But All our lives they’ve always made everything a competition. They’ve lived with a narcissist and their parent was diagnosed with it.
Their second reason to “ghost me” was recently they and their partner were looking at buying a house. The house next to me became up for sale. We both thought it would be a perfect idea. (Not knowing the price) They wanted me to ask the realtor how much they wanted for it. Come to find out it’s over quarter of a million dollar house. With 40+ acres. They advised me both of their credit aren’t the greatest and asked if I could put my name on the loan with them as my credit is almost near perfect and If I could help them with a down payment. (They know I have a good chunck saved up for when I buy a home)
I told them I was not comfortable doing it as I don’t even have my own home yet, and when I do go to buy my home it will show I already own a home. (Their home) I advised them that getting a mortgage is harder than just going to a bank and getting approved for an absurd amount as the average houses in our area go for 60-90k (we live in a very small run down town) they are both just starting out, no kids and this house is a 4 bedroom 3 bath house. I told them I don’t know if the bank would even qualify all 3 of us combined.
I make 40,000 a year. 14 an hour. I work OVERTIME. Almost 70 hours a week. 66 hours regularly. More if I get called in on call.. I am single and asexual (a little tmi but it matters here) I do not plan on having a partner in the future. So I will be a one income person. So I need to save up as much as I can now so I will be able to afford my mortgage with a good down payment when time comes. Their significant other makes 15+ and they make 14+ an hour. More than double what I make, they both live with their parents with hardly any bills… (some but not to the point they shouldn’t be able to save) I have bills, car payment, drive a lot for work I spend a lot in gas and pay rent. Neither of them have major bills.
They’re seriously mad at me for telling them I can’t risk not being able to afford to live comfortably. I can’t take that risk. We grew up and still live in the 5th poorest county in our state. We all got lucky to get good jobs as most around here are minimum wage jobs. I seriously do not want to grow up in poverty like we did growing up. It may sound silly but my goal in life is to own my own home and be somewhat financially stable and not have to live off the government to survive as all 3 of us had to do growing up. That is my ONLY goal in life.
In my closing statement I really love them to death. We literally grew up together. Our families are so bonded we are all a family. It hurts me they are not talking to me because “I made my self look better than them” and “I made it seem like they won’t go anywhere in life” I’ve NEVER thought that at all in my life. I AM their biggest supporter. We see our selves siblings. I’m hoping this is just something we can get over.
So am I the asshole for trying to comfort them letting them know even if they fix their car it’s still the best route as all cars can have major break downs like mine, and for telling them no for putting my name on a mortgage that wouldn’t even be my home?

My gyno is sure that a little gets absorbed systemically. But I haven’t really seen anyone else say it affected their hormones to the point they were breaking out.
Also, not sure if it’s working. If it worked for anyone…. How long did it take for the redness to go away? Or what worked for you?
Please and thank you!