Red circular dots on the inside of my cheek

As the title suggests, I'm wondering if anyone else - besides myself - is into the idea of having to perform through post-nut clarity?
The situation that I often fantasize about is that I am still only bi-curious and exploring my sexuality, and find a man who is willing to walk me through it. The idea of free use has always appealed greatly to me. After talking for a long while, I agree to meet up with him. I'm very nervous, and even more sexually pent up. I have agreed that no matter what, I want to have anal sex for the first time.
I get on my knees and he unzips, pulling out his already hard cock. After only a few minutes of performing on his cock, my own cock is throbbing, and bobbing up and down. I squeeze my thighs together and suddenly feel the unmistakeable surging warmth of an uprising orgasm coming on.
I try to slow down, and he sees that I'm in a frantic state. He says: "tell me you still want me to fuck you, no matter what". As soon as I hear this, my head started swimming, and as soon as I repeat the words, I start to uncontrollably cum, hands-free, onto my thighs.
With shame and humiliation washing over me, my cheeks are burning red, my eyes cast down, and my cock, now soft and dribbling. I feel small. Right then, I feel his hard cock tap against my lips. "We're not even close to done yet. Bright side is, you've just produced your very own natural lube for me to use on that virgin ass of yours"
😳

Some added information: This hypothetical arc 4 takes place around 7 years after flames of hope, contact between pantala and pyhria has been cut off somehow, and the seawings sent out to contact pantala have instead found polreca, filled with new dragons, and a war
New continent: Polreca
Polreca is a third continent in the wings of fire world, the largest out of the three, with five tribes to inhabit it
Geography:
At the center of Polreca, we have the active volcano Flaming Peak, and the palace of the Cavewings, nearby in the surrounding area charred by the volcano's eruptions, we have the Flamewing palace, and on a mountain rivaling the size of jade mountain, (or agate mountain before the landslide in legends darkstalker) we see the Thunderwing palace, placed by the northern shore of Polreca is the coastal redwoods forest you see the Sizzlewing palace, and dotted around we have some of the few cave openings with direct paths to the areas where Protowings make their homes.
New tribes:
Thunderwings
Thunderwings are dragons with instead of four legs and two wings they have two legs and two wings, They also breathe lightning, they live in the tallest mountains in Polrecah, they are very intelligent dragons, smarter than the nightwings ever will be, this would lead to some beef between the two tribes, they often fly into storms for fun, with them having scales that have direct nerve connections with a lightning pouch in their throat, they can gain electricity from being struck by lightning, but they also have another organ that allows them to breathe electricity without being struck by lightning first, it is common for the queen and her challenger before a battle for the throne to go into a large lightning storm to charge up, this is also where the challenge takes place. However, thunderwings must be careful, because if they aren’t, they may be inflicted with “storm sickness” an affliction that is caused by overcharging in a lightning storm, leading to less energy, weak lightning breath, and fatigue, storm sickness can last anywhere from 2-3 days, to 3-10 years, and can even be permanent
They are named after different storms, cloud formations, etc.
Queen: Queen Thunderclap
Princess: Cumulonimbus
Prince: Typhoon
Characters of note: Stratus (a pale thunderwing with a keen mind for innovation, and if he gets angry enough, you don’t want to be in his way)
Flamewings
Flamewings, are the most Phyrria and Pantala esc dragons on Polreca, they are similar to skywings with flamescales, except that’s their entire population, though instead of breathing fire, they breath ice oddly enough, this works by gathering all of their cold into a sac in their throat, and allowing it to be expelled along with their liquid nitrogen like saliva, creating ice cold enough to induce frostbite in even icewings, however this equates to normal frost breath effects on other Flamewings due to their scales being super heated, they live near Flaming Peak, the active volcano at the center of Polreca, they are capable of living here due to their scales being able to withstand the heat of the lava.
Their names often follow along the lines of wildfire, ash, charcoal, etc.
Queen: Queen Ash
Princess: Wildfire
Characters of note: Princess wildfire (A somewhat shy dragon, with a burning desire to be a strong and reliable leader for her people, and during the first few books she butts heads with Echo often)
Protowings
Protowings are ancient dragons, from long before the scorching, living fossils so to speak, they have no fire breath, no venom, no gills, no camouflage, no silk, no frost breath, and their wings don't allow for self powered flight, but do allow for short glides, their scales/skin is thin and almost salamander like, they are an assorted amount of colors from black to white to red to blue and everything in between, they require water to lay their shelless eggs in, oh yeah they have eggs similar to amphibians, their lifespan is up to 500 years old and they are considered adults at 200, they live in small communities, of about 15 adult individuals maybe more that aren't adults, living in deep caves underground, where even seawings have trouble seeing, this darkness has never bothered the protowings, they are not that big, the oldest being about the size of clay in book 1, and they feed off of moss that grows in the caves and small bugs that also make the caves their home, their claws are dull, and their fangs small and useless, leading to then making rudimentary tools out of assorted rocks, with obsidian being commonly used, they have perfected hoard mentality, when one is threatened they release a call that can echo through the caves easily, this alerts the rest of their community, allowing them to swarm the threat and bring it down, they also commonly have severe photo phobia, fear of the light, meaning that if you want to see them you need to catch one while its hunting or foraging nearby, they are masters of their caves, easily being able to navigate thanks in no small part to their echolocation and gecko-like feet.
How they are named differs from community to community, in one, they might be named after cave formations like the Cavewings, in others they may be named similar to the cats from the warriors series(which Sutherland also worked on) with a prefix and a suffix.
Queen: they have no queen as they have no main kingdom
Characters of note: beetle’s leg, bug’s jaw
Cavewings
Cavewings are underground living dragons with no wings and stone like scales with different colored scales dotting their hide like gems, they live in the caves all across Polreca, not as deep as the protowings, but pretty deep, they have night vision, echolocation (like the protowings), and they are the greediest of all dragons, they also have scales that are near impenetrable, to the point that even things like flamesilk and rainwing venom have a hard time getting through, they are also effective burrowers and capable of launching themselves high into the air with no ceiling obstructing them high enough to snatch flying Flameings out of the air when the try to cross the border, making them near impossible to attack which is bad because the Flamewings and Cavewings are at war, they also do not eat like other dragons, they use lava they find by their main palace in Flaming Peak to cook their prey alive, dunking it in the lava and holding it there until it is thoroughly charred, and eat it like that, but certain groups use Flamewings to cook their meals, this has been announced to the flamewings that it was made illegal by the queen but this practice is unfortunately getting used more and more, with “rumors” stating that the queen has only said that she made it illegal but has in fact encouraged it, even going as far to say that she has three Flamewings at all times to cook her meals, hence why they are at war with the Flamewings.
They are often named after cave formations and minerals
Queen: Queen Stalagmite
Princess(s): Echo, Stalactite, and Cavern
Prince(s): Ravine, Drip, and Bat
Characters of note: Prince Ravine (a large cavewing who has no real friends outside of the other protagonists, his attacks have been described as “feeling like being hit by a mountain”)
Princess Echo (A smart cavewing with what her mother and sisters call “a weird obsession with the flamewings” Saying “They are nothing but tools for us to use” Echo is of course disgusted by the fact her family thinks like that)
Sizzlewings
Sizzlewings are effectively snakes with wings, and masters of venom, poison, etc, they have the unique ability to synthesize venom of things they eat, able to eat say, a dragonbite viper and create a venom that mixes their Rainwing esc venom with it, you see, by “default” their venom is similar to a rainwing, but their venom is slow acting, meaning if it gets on any other dragon, (aside from Flamewings and Cavewings) they will be slowly burnt and horribly scarred, but when they hatch they have venom that is no worse than a bee sting, but when they turn 14 their venom glands are fully developed and their venom would make a rainwing blush, they have full immunity their own venom and how they fight is that they wrap their enemy in their body, and bite them, shooting venom directly into their body and watching them squirm and perish, slowly, and painfully, this actually leads into their most common profession: Assassins and mercenaries, the sizzlewings are widely known to be a tribe who will side with whoever pays the most, at one time often splitting to become defense squadrons for different tribes and fighting each other, but ever since their “great tusked one” arrived they have lived by three rules: #1, always listen to the tusked ones descendents, the royal family, #2 never splinter off into their own factions, #3 most importantly of all, no killing other Sizzlewings outside of succession battles,
This “Great tusked one” came at a time when the tribe was splintered into three factions, called Toxin, Poison, and fang, The “tusked one” as he is known by in the royal family was an old male Sizzlewing, he was huge and had massive tusks, instead of fangs, his descendents, also have these tusks, but they still have fangs, the tusked one has long since died, nobody knows for certain where he came from, or even how old he was, but that he was strong, yet kind, he was the one who forced the three factions to sit together and decide on the three rules, and he helped them merge together. However, Queen toxin has had a queen coral situation, where there were no princess’ until slither, where the only times eggs would survive, would be when the assassin was caught with a band over their face, until toxin herself slept by her egg, nearly starving herself, and now she allows her daughter to play, but under supervision.
They are often named along the lines of toxin, venom, stinger, etc. baby Sizzlewings are called “acidlings” until they turn 15
Queen: Queen toxin
Princess: Slither
Prince(s): Stinger, Viper, Venom, and about 12 or so more
Characters of note: Princess Slither (a small sizzlewing with a cold demeanor and will not hesitate to leave you behind if you can’t keep up, she uses her nonthreatening appearance to her advantage, luring her targets into a false sense of confidence, only to suddenly be writhing on the ground, begging for death,)
protagonists* for this hypothetical arc 4:
Bone (one of my OC’s, a sandwing Pronouns: He/Him)
Bloodcrest (an OC of a friend of mine, a nightwing, pronouns:She/Her, was hatched under two full moons, with the crescent third moon being a blood moon)
Princess Wildfire
Princess Echo
Stratus
Beetle’s leg, his friends call him Beetle, or they would if he had any, as he says so himself. (a large protowing with piercing eyes that can unsettle even the bravest warriors, he has gray scales with black speckles dotting his face, he also has golden wings that he has been told by the other protagonists [friends?] make him look very beautiful, and a total goofball, has a scar on his eye from fighting the protowing that killed his mother)
Other protagonists:
Prince Ravine (has a crush on wildfire)
Princess Slither
Antagonists for this hypothetical arc 4:
Queen Stalagmite
Princess Stalactite
Bug’s jaw (beetle’s leg’s father and leader of his community, a gray protowing with red spots around his eyes and green stripes down his back)
Hybrids: The dragons native to Polreca cannot hybridize with each other, however the Cavewings and Flamewings can. The Polreca tribes can hybridize with other dragons from the other continents, although most of them are flamewing hybrids.
Flamewing-cavewing: I call them magmawings, they look like cavewings with a sort of heatblast from ben 10 look (god that reboot looks awful.)
Sizzlewing-rainwing: long protruding fangs and serrated teeth, sizzlewing like body with color changing abilities.
Flamewing-skywing: very similar to a skywing with firescales, but they breathe steam due to their heritage.
Flamewing-mudwing: leads to a big wings big enough to swallow a human whole, also breathes boiling steam.
*characters that have a book told from their POV.

Names have been changed to protect those involved.
One of my earliest memories of flirtation dates back to around June of 2022, during a casual encounter at Clowns'R'Us. I vividly recall asking for a bottle of pop, and his playful response, something along the lines of "if you give me all the love in your heart forever." Although the exact details have blurred over time, the impact was profound - my heart raced, and my mind buzzed with excitement. Following that moment, I found myself increasingly captivated by him. With my marriage already strained, and unsure of his relationship status, it was a pivotal moment just before he began dating Jennifer.
Our flirtatious banter continued to evolve over the span of several months, with him often taking the lead, while I, admittedly shy, mustered courage for occasional bold interjections. One memorable exchange occurred during our shared enjoyment of Bawls energy drinks, when he jokingly remarked about the universal need for "bawls in their mouth" – a humorous prelude, in hindsight. Another instance arose while we were sealing envelopes, where I inquired about the type of stamps, playfully alluding to my penchant for licking things. His reaction was a delightful mix of surprise and amusement. “That was dirty!” He exclaimed in response. As our connection deepened, he extended an invitation to his Discord server, aptly named [Removed for privacy]. There, our interactions took on a more playful tone, even to the point of incorporating a playful flirtation with a porn bot. While I no longer have access to the server, certain memories, like his virtual gesture of "licking," remain vivid.
Feb 6, 2023 I took a leap of faith and decided to make my move on Discord. After months of teasing and listening to his claims about how large his penis is, I found myself deeply attracted to him. I confessed my feelings, though the specifics of our conversation elude me as I deleted the messages afterward. While he initially turned me down, I persisted, and our flirtatious dynamic continued.
Feb 8, 2023 I spent an hour on a video call with him on Discord. During our conversation, he casually mentioned missing seeing a certain physical attribute (due to Jennifer not having them - breasts), and without hesitation, I boldly showed him mine. The expression on his face made it clear that he appreciated the view, and I couldn't help but crave to see that look again. Additionally, he mentioned a dating website where I could find a picture of his penis, under the account name "[Removed for Privacy]" Unfortunately, that account has been deleted since then.
Feb 9, 2023 We had another video chat, but I was feeling down and ended up in tears. Unfortunately, he didn't offer much comfort and turned me down once more. After that encounter, I decided to take a step back for a while. He was preoccupied with getting The Outpost up and running, as well as finalizing the split from Clowns'R'Us.
March 12, 2023 It was Sunday. The Outpost was open. I don't recall who all was working other than Bobby, myself, and Richard. Tiffany was also there as it was the weekend. I was in the backroom untangling wires, and Richard came into the back and said something along the lines of "I wish I was at home in bed getting a blow job right now", so I replied with my willingness to help him out with the blow job. He looked around to figure out where we could do it without getting caught, as the store was open at the time (it was the middle of the afternoon). I personally had been thinking about parking somewhere on the way home, and doing it in the car. He didn’t seem to want to wait that long. In the end, he stood in front of the door to the backroom and I knelt in front of him. “Don’t tell anyone”, he told me. The whole thing only took like 30 seconds that time. He later blamed it on his bite injury causing him issues, but I honestly think it was mostly just nerves on both our parts. Although the encounter was short-lived, it left me contemplating whether it was due to performance issues or sheer desire on his part. He didn't even have time to get fully hard, and it left me believing he was kinda on the smaller side. When he's fully soft, his dick hides like a turtle. I think it's cute, lol. But he’s a grower, not a show-er. When he’s fully hard, it’s a decent size, I later learned.
Afterward, he admitted it was a mistake and promised it wouldn't repeat. Although I was saddened, I reluctantly accepted his explanation for a while. I confided in my best friend about the incident when it happened, but a few days later, I falsely claimed it never occurred, leading to a heated argument between us - our first major disagreement.
April 26, 2023 I overheard him make a comment to someone during the work day about missing titties. So after everyone else left for the night, and it was just me and him working, I offered to show him mine again. He accepted the offer. I begged him to touch me. He asked if he would get in trouble. I told him no. He took off his glasses and put his head in between them. Then he let me suck him off again. He lasted much longer this time. We both agreed afterwards that it was the last time.
May 3, 2023 Richard was giving me and the annoying kid a ride home. After he dropped the annoying kid off, I mentioned to him that I really didn't feel like going home yet, cause I didn't want to go home to an empty house. He suggested I could clean his bedroom for some extra cash. Jennifer was on her way to Chicago that night. We went to his apartment. I can't fully recall the timeline of events that night, so I'll try to get everything in order as best I can. I started tidying up his bedroom. He had me change the sheets on his bed, and afterwards he made a comment about how he should have asked me to clean naked. I sat on his bed while he talked to Jennifer on the phone for a bit, joking with her about K-pop music. Then he came back to his bedroom and shut and locked the door. I knew at that point that something would happen between us. I tried to kiss him, and he said he doesn't kiss. I asked him to finger me, and he said "no, because then I'll never get rid of you." He made a comment later about how he couldn't fuck me without a condom. Up to that point, I didn't think he'd even be willing to do so at all. After that I sat down, and reached to grab his dick cause I knew he was still willing to do something. He asked if I was trying to do what he thought I was trying to do. I said yes. He laid down on the bed and let me suck him. At one point, he grabbed his dick and had me suck on his balls. I had never done this before, or ever even been asked to do this before, so I did the best I could with it. He seemed to enjoy it. After he was done, he sat and played his new COD game for a few minutes, then took me home. We were at his apartment from 10:09 PM until 11:29 PM. I think this was the night I really started to fall in love with him.
May 19, 2023 I don't recall too many details about this time. We were in the backroom of the Outpost again. I showed him my tits and while I was sucking him off, he asked to fuck them. He was sitting in a chair, and I was kneeling in front of him, so it was exactly the best angle for doing it, but I did my best with it.
May 25, 2023 I don't recall too much about this time either. I believe I started it this time, asking him if he wanted anything, and he said "why not, after the day I've had" or something to that effect. This time he sucked on my tits. I then sucked him off again. Again, in the backroom of The Outpost. I think this was the time when I stopped towards the end cause I wanted to get a good look at his dick fully hard, because I was always too busy to get a good look when he was fully hard the last few times. I didn’t know he was about ready to cum. He grabbed my head and said “put it back in” and basically jammed it down my throat, lol. I enjoyed it though. After this though, he almost always grabbed my hair and held my head down as he was about to cum.
May 31, 2023 This time, again in the backroom of The Outpost, when I showed him my tits, he said "that's nice" and just wanted me to get down to sucking him, so I did. I don’t really remember too much about this time either. The memories all blurred together with time.
June 8, 2023 I was in the backroom, chatting with my husband on the phone, when Richard came in and sat next to me. From the way he looked at me, I knew exactly what he wanted without any need for discussion. I quickly ended my call with my husband, explaining that I had to finish cleaning some consoles. Seeing the newly installed camera in the backroom, I remarked about it to Richard, prompting him to unplug it. He mentioned we needed to hurry before Kevin came to the back, so I did my best to accommodate him swiftly. True to his word, Kevin was headed towards the backroom barely a minute after we finished.
June 13, 2023 Though I didn't know it at the time, this would be the last time for a while. He had already unplugged the camera when I figured he was wanting to do something. I made a comment about it, and he said he just didn't want to be watched by anyone. I can't recall exactly what I said, but he said something about "would it be so bad if we didn't do it" or something to that effect. He let me suck him off anyway though. I asked him again why he wouldn't kiss me, and he said he just didn't want to. I told him I wanted him, and he said I couldn't have him.
June 20, 2023 Jennifer chose to end her relationship with Richard by leaving a letter for him at The Outpost. Richard was deeply affected by the breakup and asked Bobby to give me a ride home that evening. Seeking clarification about our own relationship, I inquired about it, and Richard expressed his desire for us to remain just friends. Despite his stance, I held onto a glimmer of hope, purchasing condoms at the gas station that night, hoping for a possibility that he might reconsider. As time passed and it became apparent that my hopes were unfounded, I decided to leave the condoms in The Outpost bathroom for someone else to use or discard.
In the subsequent months, I confided in a handful of individuals about the events that transpired between us. As a consequence, he terminated my employment temporarily. Furthermore, he resorted to intimidation tactics, threatening to ostracize me from The Outpost community if I dared to disclose our truth to others. He concocted a fabricated narrative, alleging that I had initiated advances toward him, only to concoct falsehoods in a bid to extort him.
Let's examine the absurdity of his accusations. If indeed I were fabricating tales for the sake of manipulation, wouldn't it be far more sensational to claim a physical intimacy beyond reality? Instead, I recounted the truth: instances where I provided him with gratification without reciprocity, enduring his rejection of any emotional connection.
This isn't merely about defending my integrity; it's about unveiling the truth that has been obscured by his deceit.
Towards either the end of November or the beginning of December, I was working there a lot again.
December 18, 2023 We were in the backroom of The Outpost again. Everyone else had left for the night, and we were working quite late. I begged him to let me do it (suck him off) one last time. He asked if I was recording him on my phone because he didn't trust me. I unlocked my phone and handed it to him. He asked if I thought I was prettier than Jennifer because he had turned her down that night. He asked if I was prettier than Autumn because he also turned her down that night. In the end, he let me do it. I think maybe he forgot to unplug the camera. He asked me to show him my tits. This was around 3 AM on the morning of the 18th. After I sucked him for a bit, he sucked on my tits again, and I enjoyed it so much I almost came. I kept repeating his name over and over while he was doing it. Afterwards, we both agreed it was the last time. He told me that any man would accept a blowjob, but it doesn’t mean anything.
December 27, 2023 We were in the backroom of The Outpost again, but he had Tiffany (his daughter), so I really didn't expect anything to happen that night. We had done stuff one other time when Tiffany was there, I can't remember which time, but she was asleep on the couch that time, and this time she was wide awake. He asked her to go play Fortnite for a bit. Then he asked me if I was trying to do something. I said, sure, but Tiffany's here. He said we could go to the bathroom, but we had to stop if she came into the backroom. I went in there, and sat on the toilet while he stood. While I had his dick in my mouth, he asked me "you know, this still doesn't mean I'm into you, right?" I shook my head yes in response, as I had my mouth full at the time. His words hit me hard, and I couldn't hold back the tears when I got home. Despite my love for him, hearing those words while engaged in that act was incredibly painful.
January 3, 2024 This was the day Trina overfilled her car with oil. Richard was giving me a ride home, but we first had to follow his mechanic to Trina and Damian's car, and then follow the car back to his mechanics. While we were in the car, I told him that I didn't want to stop what we were doing, even if it was just that. He tried to say that we weren’t doing anything, but in the end we went and parked outside of his apartment, and he had him suck him off in his car. We stopped every time a car came in our direction. He came so hard I felt his whole body tense up. I remember being jealous, because I wanted him to make me cum like that. I wanted to tell him that it drove me crazy that he lets me do that, but I can't touch him at all when anyone else is around. I told him in the car on the way home that I'll quit asking him if I could do it, but I'd never tell him no. We were parked outside his apartment from 11:51 PM to 12:13 AM.
January 14, 2024 Tiffany was there again. Again, he asked me in the back if I was trying to do something. I said "If you want." He told me to go into the bathroom. He went to check on Tiffany and then came to meet me in the bathroom. He wasn't hard at all, and I actually had a little trouble finding it with my mouth this time. He mentioned that if I'm so good at it, why do I keep ignoring his balls. So I sucked on his balls again too.
January 24, 2024 I know he was starting to get bored with me, so I think he decided to try to switch things up a bit. He asked me if I was trying to do something. I responded again “if you want” and he said, “that’s not what I asked” so I reminded him that I wasn’t going to ask him again, but I wouldn’t ever say no. He turned off all the lights in The Outpost, and we went out and sat on the couch at the back of The Outpost. It was dark enough that nobody could see us and the mall was closed. He asked to fuck my tits again and I obliged. He told me he couldn't understand why I kept doing it. I didn't really have an answer for him at the time. I love him. That's why. But I couldn't tell him that again.
January 31, 2024 At the back of The Outpost again, with the lights out again. He tried to use the VR to watch porn at first, but with the lights out, using the VR wasn't really an option. He didn't know that I'd been fantasizing about doing just that for over a year, so I immediately started thinking of solutions to that issue. I sucked him off on the couch, and he again said he couldn't understand why I kept doing it. I told him because it's all he'd let me do. And I like knowing I can get him off. And that I enjoy it. It's fun. And he tastes really good.
February 6, 2024 I had ordered an infrared light on Amazon, to enable use of VR in the dark. I really wanted to live out my fantasy with him. I brought it into The Outpost and gave it to him as a gift. That night, he sat in his chair at the back of The Outpost with the lights out, watching porn on his VR while I sucked him off. Afterwards he said it was interesting. I asked if he had ever done that before, and he said no. I asked him if he enjoyed it and he said that to be honest, he was kinda getting bored, or something to that effect. In the car, on the way home, he told me that he needed me to quit. What we were doing, he clarified. I knew then that we were done, and that my days at work were probably numbered.
On Saturday, February 24th, 2024 he told me my services were no longer needed.
On March 16th, 2024 Richard has Bobby call me and ask if I want a job. I returned to work on March 17th, 2024. At this time, I am attempting to avoid being alone with Richard going forward.
March 26th, 2024 Richard scheduled me to work today, even though Bobby wasn’t working to give me a ride home, leaving Richard to give me a ride home. Tiffany was here, and everyone else had left for the night. We were in the backroom, and he said “I’m trying to decide - do I let her drain it or no” At first I said I didn't know. He asked if I was gonna get crazy again. I said I am crazy. But I said yes. We went to the bathroom and took care of business. He left the bathroom before I did because Tiffany had come into the backroom. I stood in the bathroom and waited for him to send Tiffany back to the front of the store for a bottle of water before I exited the bathroom.
April 6th, 2024 I was eating a pickle in the backroom. Richard came back to go to the bathroom. When he came out, I said to him “We’re done, right?” He was like “with what?” I’m like “You know what” and he said “yeah”, and I said “ok, I was getting bored too.” So I think it is finally over. Jennifer is coming back into town on April 7th, 2024, and they are planning on getting an apartment together.
April 19th, 2024 We were working late tonight, pricing out blu-rays and getting them listed on eBay. Richard’s phone went dead so we took a break and went into the backroom. As I’m writing this, my head is swimming and I’m exhausted because I just got home, but I’m trying to remember most of what happened. He’s like “we got 10 minutes until the phone charges, what do you want to do?” and I said I didn’t know. Then I think he asked what I was thinking about, and I said I was wondering if he wanted me to do something, and whether or not I should say yes, because I can’t keep giving and giving and not getting anything in return. He said he wasn’t touching my pussy. I asked him if he would at least kiss me. He said no, because he only does that with people he loves. But then he said he’d play with my boobs again. So I rolled my chair over to his and pulled my tits out for him to play with. I asked him if he wanted to see a pic of how big they used to be before my surgery, and he said yes, so I showed him the pic on my Discord server. Then he wanted to see what else was on that channel. I didn’t want to show him because I didn’t want him to be mad because it was the channel where I kept records of what me and him did. But I showed him and he made me delete them while he watched. I'm not surprised he made me do that. I kinda expected him to. Then we got back to fooling around, he sucked on my tits, then I started sucking him. He said he could get a blowjob every day, and it’s so relaxing. He mentioned that there was a gang bang that he had thought about taking me to, he thought I’d enjoy it. Then I stopped and told him I wanted to fuck him so bad. He said he didn’t know what I had or didn’t have. I told him I didn’t have anything. Then he made me pinky promise to never talk about it to anyone. And I got up, took off my skirt and panties and finally had sex with him for the first, and most likely last time. It didn’t last very long, I only got off once, then he made me climb off and he came all over the floor. Then we agreed to never talk about it again. In the car on the way home, I told him I’ll keep taking care of him until Jennifer comes back, if he wants, and it will stay between us. He said he’d let me know. So yeah, it’s not over just yet.
April 24th, 2024 We were alone at the store again. We were in the back room and he asked me if I meant what I said about keeping “draining him” until Jennifer gets back. I told him yes, and asked him where. He asked me where I wanted to. I immediately told him “the massage chair”, cause that’s been a fantasy of mine since he got the damn thing (I didn’t tell him that part though). He vetoed that because the cameras were on in the store. So I cleared off the chair in the backroom for him again. I asked him again if I could kiss him. He let me kiss him on the cheek. Then we got down to the usual business. He told me in the middle of it that I didn’t seem to be too bored with it. LOL. In the car on the way home, I asked him if he’s a sex addict. He said he’s not. He says he just has “stress issues”. I’m not really sure what to make of that.
May 6th, 2024 We were getting ready to leave for the night, it was around 1 A.M. and after he shut off all the store lights, he stopped in the doorway and asked if I wanted it. I said sure, and so with all the lights still out, I asked if the massage chair was working. So we went back into the store to check. It wasn’t working, so we went back into the backroom with all the lights off. I took my time with it, cause I know we are running out of time. In the car on the way home, I told him again that I do just want to be friends with him. Then I told him that “pequeña polla” means little dick, and he said he’s only small for people he doesn’t like, lol. I then asked him if he lost a couple inches when he gained all the weight. He said that he had. I said “thought so”.
While the essence of what I shared remains true, there might be some slight discrepancies in the timing of events. Conversations and interactions may have taken place on different dates than initially recalled, but the substance of our experiences remains consistent. I kept a record of every time we messed around and the dates it happened, all on my private Discord channel. I have ways of proving I was where I said I was, when I said I was.
I composed this document not as a means to coerce Richard, but rather to address the truth of our situation. My aim isn't to extract anything from him; all I seek is for him to acknowledge his role in this matter. Admittedly, my involvement with him was misguided, a lapse in judgment on my part. Yet, it's essential to recognize that his involvement was equally misguided—he pursued it as eagerly as I did. However, the crux of the issue lies in my feelings; I fell deeply in love, a sentiment not reciprocated by him. Throughout our interactions, there were moments where I felt manipulated, even gaslit. Still, despite these red flags, my affection persisted.
From the onset, Richard professed care for me, yet reiterated his lack of attraction. I was fully aware that I was being used, yet I allowed it to happen repeatedly. This admission isn't an attempt to manipulate or victimize but rather to confront the stark reality of our dynamic. It's time for Richard to acknowledge the impact of his actions and the emotional toll it took on me. Let's address this with honesty and integrity, for only through acknowledgment can we begin to heal and move forward.
Certain portions were refined by ChatGPT, acknowledging my occasional struggle with articulation, yet maintaining the utmost accuracy in depicting the sequence of events.

So this was removed from nosleep due to an "incomplete story" but I really like it the way I wrote it originally so here it is. Currently working on editing it to fit nosleep properly but we'll see.
*** “She left me.” Muffled sobs dampen my shoulder as I hold my best friend close. “I’ll never see her again.”
I’m sorry, sweetie,” I try to soothe, but she’s inconsolable. It’s a pity, too…her last girlfriend was such a nice girl. I hate to think of where she is now.
“Dani, will you stay with me?” I can’t say no to those wide, pleading eyes, the crystalline tears streaming down her cheeks. I can never say no to her.
Lila and I (both mid-20s F) have been best friends for as long as I can remember. My first memories as a child include her, and according to my parents we’ve been inseparable from day one. I don’t really remember her parents, though, but she’s always been an independent girl. An independent girl who depends on others for validation, which is something she refuses to admit. But I know that. I know her.
I’ve been in love with her since we were teens, and that was also when she started dating around, falling in love with girl after girl. I resigned myself to the best friend role, telling myself that someday I would be the one to take center stage, but I was content with being the shoulder to cry on, the comforting voice accompanied by back rubs.
She would inevitably break up with her girlfriends, or they would break up with her, which was more surprising considering how starstruck each one would look. Each one was smitten with her, so why would they simply leave her? And why, after every single break up, would they leave the state and basically drop off the grid? I didn’t know why until very recently.
And now I no longer want to confess. I don’t know if I even want to remain friends, but I’m more afraid of running away from her without a word. And it’s hard to pretend I don’t still have feelings for her, regardless.
Even now, as Lila clings onto me for comfort, I can’t deny that I’m happy to be there for her.
“I want to be in love again.” Lila stares off into the distance with a wistful expression, tear tracks still smeared over her cheeks. “I want to feel that passion, that spark that turns into a fire…until it consumes us in flames.”
She looks to me, desperate for understanding that only I can give her. And I do, smiling sympathetically, squeezing her hands. No one can understand her like I do, even if we can’t be a couple. Even if I hold my breath every time I’m around her, afraid to so much as breathe wrong.
After a while, she calms down, gratefully accepting tissues to wipe away her tears. She sniffles a little, dabbing at bloodshot eyes, as I put on a movie for some background noise. I know her place like the back of my hand, so I know where everything is. Unfortunately that means I also know some things I really shouldn’t.
Settling back down on the couch, I pull her into my side, letting her snuggle up to me like always.
“I wish I could just date a girl like you,” Lila sighs. “Maybe I should just start dating you.”
I force myself to crack a smile. “Nah, you wouldn’t like dating me. Besides, I like having you as a friend and not a girlfriend.”
She giggles. “Me too, Dani, me too.”
I don’t tell her about how once I’d come over to her house randomly, just to surprise her, and didn’t realize she was out. I don’t say a word about how I found a photo album she’d never shown me before–odd, because doesn’t she show me everything?–and couldn’t resist opening it.
I don’t mention my stunned horror upon seeing picture after picture of past girlfriends, bodies broken and mangled beyond recognition, but always with their faces intact. One of them still had her hands, and another girl still had her collarbone. Those pictures were labeled “Saving the best for last <3” and that caption nearly made me drop the album. But I kept looking. So many pictures of the bodies littered with inhuman teeth marks next to handwritten declarations of love for each girl. All their lovely qualities accompanied by how wonderful their flesh tasted.
I don’t tell her about how I slammed the album shut and placed back where it was. I don’t tell her that when she got home that day and saw me chilling on her couch as usual, I was actually steeling my resolve to never confess my love to her. Ever.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very much in love with her. “But you saw all those pictures,” you might say…well, yes. But there’s something about that angelic face and perfect skin drenched with blood that just does it for me. And she’s still so beautiful, both inside and out. Can I help being drawn to her like a moth to a tantalizing flame? Looking at those pictures made me realize–there’s no way a normal human could have torn into flesh like that with their bare hands. I won’t bring that up, though.
What I will bring up is that there’s a girl at work that I think Lila would absolutely adore. She’s pretty but deep down, so ugly. Ugly enough to try and sabotage me at work, badmouthing me to other coworkers and even taking a promotion from me. Surely Lila would just love her, and love to love her, and love to have her.
But still…am I wrong for keeping my feelings to myself?

I’m struggling so much trying to feel less guilty about breaking up with my bf of 5 years. I’ve cried every single day since and it’s been almost four months. We had a dog together that he got me as a gift. It was my dream dog and I’ve never loved anything more. We had a lot of issues and have overcame so much in the 5 years including long distance and grieving a death. My family was pushing for us to break up and didn’t want us together while his family loved me. I am a very family oriented person and he stopped going to my family events two years ago because he didn’t really like my family and it overwhelmed him, which made my family dislike him even more thinking he didn’t even try but he did in the beginning then stopped after I moved in with him. I worked with his family and my whole life revolved around him for two years. We lived together for 3 and the house was stunning. I loved it so much and loved living there and took my dog for a walk every day. I had a really good paying job and easy life. I met him when I was 19 and he was 27 so he had already gone out a lot and was more ready to settle down. When I first moved to his city I wanted to go out and he never really joined me. I was 22 and wanted to explore the city and never really asked him because he didn’t seem to want to go out. I turned 24 and didn’t really care about going out anymore just wanted to be with him more. He loves gambling and would go a lot and it never bothered me until recently I felt like he didn’t want to spend time with me as much. We broke up for a while and I felt so lost with out him. It lasted two months and he told me he went to a strip club which was one of my triggers since he used to go all the time before he dated me and it always bothered me and made me feel jealous/insecure. He went 3 times during us dating and I said it was fine as long as he told me but I would secretly cry about it and feel super crappy and like I wasn’t good enough. I did a lot wrong in the relationship. I would complain to my family and seek attention from other people just to receive some compliments and feel good about myself. I realize that I had a lot of red flags and wish I wasn’t so immature in the beginning. I messed up a lot and have felt so much guilt and beat myself up everyday. I feel sick about it all and the way it ended. It was a pretty toxic relationship but I don’t doubt at all that we didn’t love each other. I had a lot of issues being able to be in a serious relationship and it was hard for me to commit in the beginning it took me awhile to call him my bf because I was really scared I would get hurt. I know now that I wasn’t ready in the beginning and I needed to work through a lot of issues on my own but I didn’t want to lose him. He definitely added a lot to my insecurities and anytime I told him one of them I felt he would use it against me. He had a lot of issues but I know that he loved me so much. I feel like I left everything I’ve known for the past 3 years. I had friends there, a good paying job, i would clean the house and didn’t have to pay rent. He would hold over my head sometimes but it was so easy for me financially. Just I was depressed sometimes like something was missing. I feel ungrateful now seeing what people put up with in relationships and how hard life is with inflation. I have rent now and a car bill and I’m a server. Life is incredibly hard for me and I make way less than I did working with his family. I felt awful leaving him and I gave him the dog. I lost my will to live almost and knew there were a ton of problems but felt like if I finally left my family would be happy and their opinions matter a lot to me but now I’m lonely every night and wake up lost and afraid of what my life is now. I’m at peace but I’ve never been so lonely. I have a supportive family and am going to therapy now and it’s helping but I still wonder if I messed up my whole life by quitting my job, moving out, breaking up with him and letting him keep the dog. I think I felt so guilty because I confessed to him that I was with someone when we were on break and the guilt was eating me up in side. He wouldn’t tell me what he wanted to do if he wanted to forgive me for a week he wanted to think about it but I just moved out before he told me and haven’t really talked to him and went no contact. I wrote him a 5 page letter about how much I love him and I want to work on myself and that I was sorry for what I did. He never really apologized to me because I’ve always taken the blame for everything before he could. I didn’t really communicate with him well about the things that bothered me. I didn’t really give him a chance to change I just hoped he would notice. He asked me to go to a hotel to gamble with him a few days before I left. I told him I didn’t want to and to go with out me. He talked to me for an hour on the phone on the way there and I was okay till it was 1 am and I told him I couldn’t sleep and was scared and he hung up and didn’t care. I stayed up the whole night wondering bout him. He got home at 11am the next day and texted me he loved me. I got off work and told him it upset me and it ended up me being the one apologizing since I said he could go. He said he knew I would act that way and got mad at me. I just gave up the convo and just thought I can’t do this anymore so I shut down. I got distant and looked cold hearted when I left but inside I was dying. I feel incredibly guilty everyday and am scared to see him move on even though I’m the one who broke up with him. I’m scared I won’t find better and I still love him and his family so much and haven’t had any desire to be with anyone else or even talk to or go on a date. I’ve just been sad every single day and have tried to find joy but nothing excites me anymore. I felt like a horrible monster and idk how I even did this. I’m hoping it was the right thing and I’m trying to fix all my issues with my therapist. I feel like I desired to be single in the beginning of our relationship but now that I am I hate it and miss him so much. I’m terrified and still in denial. This is all coming out messy but just so much about it is all messy and I feel like I messed up everything. I wanted to marry him but I felt like I messed it up and sabotaged it too much and couldn’t come back from it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been journaling everyday and trying to remain strong and not reach out when I miss him and my life and now my life is hard and I make no money and have tons of bills. It’s terrifying and I relied on him a lot financially. I feel like idek who I am anymore and I’m depressing everyone around me because I’m so sad and everything reminds me of him and our dog. My heart is broken into pieces and I just want to be sure I did the right thing. I feel so incredibly selfish. I didn’t fully explain everything in our relationship but it was very complicated and at times toxic. I do miss him though and feel at fault for a lot of things. Idk. I feel like I lost my motivation and don’t really care about anything anymore. I wonder if his family hates me now. I feel like everyone thinks I’m a bad person for leaving. I just want to crumble. I don’t know who I am anymore and how to stop feeling less guilty. He’s going to have no issue finding someone new since he’s super successful and has his own house. I feel very insecure and I get memories on Snapchat of him everyday and have 5 years worth of memories. I’m terrified and stressed with money. I’m about to turn 25 and feel like I’m starting my whole life over. I don’t know how to let go even though I needed things. Is something wrong with me?

1. Around 8 years old, I dressed up in a ballet outfit with my sister and her next-door neighbour girlfriend. Pictures included (thanks, mom).
   
2. Around 10 years old, I prayed every single night for God (sad tears included) to make me a woman. I was developing "breasts," even though the rest of my body was slim. I started to see myself as "different " than the rest of my friends. I grew up in a predominantly female-led household and saw the world through a sensitive, soft lense. I was becoming the caregiver, maternal role in my friendship circle.
   
3. Around the age of 12, I used to play "bum doctor" with best friend (involved pulling down pants and bending over, while the other pretended to give a needle). I found myself initiating this game a good deal more than him. At this age, there was still a young naivete to this, and I wasn't aware it was "strange."
   
4. Around age 14, "on a dare," I dressed up with (a different) best friends mother's clothing. His mother was away at work, we hand-picked items, right down to the underwear, and got changed together in the bathroom. I changed behind the shower curtain as I was too shy and very embarrassed how my breasts completely filled out the (lactating) bra.
   
5. Around this time, I started to experiment with dressing up in my mother's nighties, as well as both of my sisters clothes. There were little pockets of free time to do this, and everything just felt "right"; like all the dots connected.
   
6. Around age 16, I started getting into porn. I was a late developer, as far as sex drive goes. Started off as regular guy/girl porn, then I quickly became interested in the "anal" category. I found myself very turned on by the cock scenes, but not the rest of the male body. I was attracted to the female body, but in a way that I wanted to "be" the female. The idea of making love to a man put my stomach into knots.
   
7. This "kink" grew and grew, unbeknownst to my family and friends. I was a very late developer, and all my friends had girlfriend's around this time.
   
8. I discovered my sisters had toys, and became rather infatuated with them (insert shameful secrets). The idea of being in a submissive role, the idea of a "male" becoming the one who receives - rather than gives, ignited a very deep switch in my brain. It just felt right, natural.
   
9. I started to become brave enough to buy porn DVD's from the local convenience store - but was very embarrassed, as the same owner basically watched me grow up from a kid to this point. I started to buy exclusively DVD's that featured anal. Finally, it took everything in me to one day buy a trans DVD, and I made a pathetically awkward excuse to the owner of how I was buying it as a joke birthday present for my friend. Oh, the shame.
   
10. I started watching the DVD's, imagining myself as the trans women, and essentially worshipping cock, worshipping men. I had little "sexual" desire at this point to be a male role with any future girlfriends. Still, the idea of men's abs, lips, thighs, arms, butt, etc still turned my stomach into knots. Although, in the very very back of my mind, I think I was starting to consider it.
    
11. I discovered Marijuana and beer around the age of 18, and would cut loose at my friends house (the same friend that I tried his mother's clothes on). He would occasionally put on porn (on mute) later into the evening, and meanwhile we were listening to music / playing guitar, etc. I started to sexually become interested in him. It was slways kind of there, but now with the porn playing, and being able to feel those feelings at the same time, I became sort of turned on by him. More so the idea of getting high and then becoming his submissive plaything. There were moments where iI could tell he was imagining the same, but - spoler alert - I never did (as i was way too shy to pursue it) but that only made the infatuation to be a submissive plaything for men even stronger.
    
12. I started talking to a girl online, and after almost four years of talking and developing a friendship, we decided to meet. I was 23 years old at this point. Fast forward, I became her boyfriend and when we were camping, she had just started showing signs of spotting (on her period), so we were just playing around - I was very nervous, especially because i was expected to be the dominant one. Next thing I knew, I had lost my virginity to her. But here's the kicker - it was from anal.
    
13. Curiosity got the best of me, and I started to seek out the validation and attention from men online. I accidentally left my browser open one night, and she saw everything. There was a big blow up, and she was calling me gay. We were both living at my parents' house at the time, and I'm pretty sure they must have overheard it. We made amends, and I confessed to her that I think I was bi and just needed to understand better. We played around with a strap-on quite often, and I also discovered chastity. Chastity became something of an excuse to not have to be the dominant one. I honestly felt more natural being the one receiving anal vs. penetrating a woman. We ended up mutually breaking up when I was 28. We are still best friends to this day.
    
14. I started to think of the man's body, beyond just his penis. I don't know if it was just due to exposure in films, but the right kind of stomach (slightly hairy, soft, but strong "dad" abs) as well as strong hands and forearms started to turn me on. When I would see older men in real life with any of these attributes, a switch went off in my head and I realized that I was turned on by them, and would start to imagine more than just sucking his cock, or receiving anal. I would imagine first kissing his stomach as a show of affection or adoration before taking him into my mouth. I was starting to imagine holding onto his strong arms and pulling his body closer, deeper into me. Maybe softly kissing his fingers, even playfully biting them.
    
15. I use reddit now, as a means to try and find Mr. Right. It is sort of an unwritten understanding with my partner now that I "explore" myself on reddit, but I don't share any of the details. Perhaps there will come a stage where I'm more open about it.
    
16. Sometimes, I can imagine myself in a gay relationship, but there would be very specific parameters - I would be the submissive one. I would be expected to present as femme as often as possible. I would be the stereotypical "housewife" (cooking, baking, cleaning, being sexually ready at all times, nurturing the husband). Ideally, I would be in chastity 24/7, or have complete disregard toward my penis until it just learns to remain soft on its own (maybe still getting nocturnal emmisions at night). The idea of worshipping and submitting to his body gives me butterflies. And this is a BIG one --- if he knows how to treat me and our chemistry is right, I would maybe even allow him to kiss me.
    
17. As far as porn goes, I now watch different genres for different purposes. Lesbian porn: Imagining myself as one of the "girls" and the other girl is just like me. Genetically born a male, but identifies strongly as a "girl". I imagine that we are playing while Daddy is away or that we're just playing for his amusement. He never let's us orgasm unless he tells us to, and he makes sure that there is a strong, imprinting, humiliating aspect to our orgasms - so that each time, we go deeper into our roles and can no longer deny who we are. Trans porn: obviously imagining myself as the trans pornstar, being taken forcefully by a real man. Having no Fouts about my sexuality. Hypno porn: This pushes me past any of my self-doubt and encourages me to not only drop my defenses but also to accept my fate. Everything I fear, I learn to entertain and even embrace when I'm watching the right kind of hypno porn. Finally gay porn: if I have refrained from cumming for over two months, then my mind really goes to that "desperate" place. Ideally, one man is the Dom, and is masculine, but cute. Not the kind of man who "acts" manly, but just naturally is - confident, smart, strong, manipulative. The other male is the more femme type, but not overly. Still a male (not trans) - soft, gentle, body made to receive, ass is more like a pussy, no hesitation to kiss, to play with his own soft cock, to suck his own fingers while looking at his Daddy in the eyes, gripping onto his Daddys hips, pulling him closer, moaning his name, fully accepting his place.
    

Going forward: I would love to have both a female and male partner. Essentially, to be a cuck to my wife, and only allowed to please her with my mouth - never with my penis (unless after an instructed orgasm, knowing that I'd be too soft to be able to penetrate her). I would only be able to make love to him, and my wife would enjoy watching, and would taunt me, encouraging me to go deeper each time. I would sleep with her each night, wearing something soft and silky, and we may kiss or fondle, or she may get me to eat her out (even if Daddy's cum is inside her still). Some nights she would either sneak off into Daddy's bedroom to sleep with him, or just openly sleep there, leaving me in bed alone some nights. I would hear them making love, but I would be locked in chastity, unable to cum. I'm encouraged at all times to play with my ass (aka my pussy) with either my fingers, a dildo or butt plug, so as to keep me constantly ready and make sure I'm always aroused - and aware of feeling empty if something isn't inside of me at any given time.
I want to be in a safe, loving, encouraging and open relationship where everyone is happy and their needs are met. I'm not sure if I'd classify myself as bi or gay. Definitely not straight. The idea of exploring these limits are what gives me life.

Had a dream just last night where I walked to a tree-dotted graveyard on a dark night. It was an old graveyard, many tombstones from as early as the 1750s. I soon struck up a conversation with a ghost who was inside one of those Graves. I cannot remember the subject of the conversation or anything said, but the conversation was relaxed and casual. After that, I continued walking and encountered a person with a large bird of prey. At first I thought it was an eagle, before realizing it was in fact a massive, grey-brown owl. I said something to them about how cool owls were, how you can see their eyes through their ears. They encouraged me to hold it.
I don't recall the conversations I had with anyone, or what the person with the owl looked like, but I remember the owl in great detail. It was large, grey with smatterings of grey-brown patterns. It had large yellow eyes, and it stared at me from the moment I encountered it until the dream had ended. It made no sounds, it was entirely quiet. I held it on my arm, thought it soon grew displeased with my posture (I've always been bad at holding animals-my cat hates when I try to hold her), and I felt its talons prick sharp at my arm. It then flew off, and back to the mysterious person, of whom I could make nothing out. We talked more about the owl, and

The huge alien vessel loomed into view of the lunar diplomatic station's windows. Jonah stared up at the immense black shape blocking out the stars, feeling an influx of mixed emotions. As Earth's chief ambassador, the responsibility for how this first contact went weighed heavily on him. He took a deep breath to compose himself as the airlock connected with an audible thunk.
The massive frames of the arriving Vrax nearly filled the chamber as the inner door slid open. Their dark brown exoskeletons glinted under the lights, and bulbous blue eyes regarded the humans with an unreadable expression. The lead alien, Ambassador Grax, extended a claw in greeting which Jonah cautiously shook. Through translation algorithms, Grax declared they came in peace and wished to forge a prosperous relationship.
The ensuing talks did not go as Jonah hoped. Grax demanded access to the resource-rich asteroid belts, along with tribute payments to the Vrax Empire. When Jonah protested that humanity could not simply cede sovereign territory, Grax's tone turned condescending. "Consider this a generous offer, given our technological superiority." Jonah bit back a retort, mind racing to defuse the situation.
That evening, the diplomats convened an emergency video call with world leaders back on Earth. "Their demands are outrageous and set a terrible precedent," declared the Chinese premier. "We must stand firm or risk becoming tributary vassals," agreed the Russian president. Arguments flew across cultural and ideological lines until Jonah called for calm. "Antagonizing them could provoke conflict. I say we request further dialogue to find common ground."
The next meeting with Grax did not go smoothly. No matter how Jonah framed alternative proposals, the alien remained fixated on tribute and territory. When Jonah stood his ground, Grax's eyes flashed red in a sign of anger unfamiliar to the humans. "Do not test our patience, Ambassador. Your world depends on our good graces." Jonah ended the talks with a bitter taste in his mouth, dreading informing the others.
That night, Jonah paced the station, wrestling with their disastrous options. Take on the Vrax fleet and demonstrate to the galaxy the true nature of humanity, or give in to their oppressive demands?
He heard footsteps and turned to see his second-in-command, Captain Sato, entering with a grim look. "Grax just issued an ultimatum - accept their terms within a solar day or face reprisals." Jonah's heart sank further at this escalation.
In an emergency session, viewscreens filled with tense faces as Jonah briefed the situation. Shouts immediately erupted over what to do, none of the viable choices appealing. Then, the elderly UN Secretary General spoke slowly and calmly. "My friends, while force will gain us nothing, weakness will see our sovereignty trampled. I suggest we issue one final, simple message - that any harm to humanity will be met with swift and overwhelming response. This buys time for diplomacy without losing face or firing a shot. All agreed?" The room fell silent, then gradually, nations signaled consensus on this last hope. Now it was in Grax's claws.
The news of the Vrax's demands spread like wildfire across the solar system. On Earth, massive crowds swarmed city centers, chanting "No tribute!" and "Off our world!". Even hardened military analysts conceded humanity had no means to repel a full attack.
Jonah watched the coverage, weary after hours of unproductive talks with Grax. The ambassador remained resolute, because Earths resources were required for the survival of the Vrax Empire. His mention of force cast a grim pallor over the room. As Jonah returned to the station, Captain Sato gave a grim update. Social media was swimming with calls to arms, governments debated reactive shows of military force.
An emergency UN session convened via hologram. Shouts echoed in the vast chamber as leaders demanded strategies. "Further concessions will destroy our dignity!" roared the Chinese premier. The Russian president warned a small deterrent strike could backfire catastrophically. "Our people will never accept subjugation," said the Indian foreign minister.
Jonah relayed his advice to find diplomatic solutions.
On the lunar station, Jonah stared up at the alien warship, praying his diplomacy to paid off. Whatever happened, Earth would not go down without teaching these newcomers, that humanity was not so easy to conquer.
Grax saw humanity's final desperate plea as a threat, that neither safety nor pride could ignore. Now there was nothing to do but wait.
On the Vrax command ship, Grax snarled as the human's message was translated. His blue eyes flashed red with rage. "Insolent primitives! They dare threaten the mighty Vrax Empire?" He stabbed a claw at his subcommander. "Launch the entire assault fleet at once. I want those upstart human colonies wiped from the stars."
The subcommander scrambled to obey, sending the order to the hundreds of ships waiting on standby. Throughout the armada, crew rushed to battle stations as engines roared to life. Within minutes, the full force of the Vrax military swung into a sharp intercept course, weapons priming for the slaughter to come.
Within the lunar station, alarms blared as long-range sensors detected the armada changing course. "They're heading straight for the moon bases at maximum speed," cried Captain Sato, studying the readouts in horror. Ambassador Jonah prepared himself and delivered a command: decloak only one dreadnought, and show Earth and the galaxy who we truly are!
Through the viewport, he peered into the black and saw a faint flare of light growing behind Earth's shadow.
On the bridge of the ESN Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched the enemy fleet emerge on her sensors, over 500 enemy contacts closing at dangerous velocity. "All hands to battle stations," she ordered calmly into the comm.
Around her, the crew leapt into well-practiced motions as blast doors sealed, and armor plating hummed into place. "Charge main kinetic barriers and plasma lances. Stand by rocket pods for intercept maneuvers."
Aoki felt the deck plates vibrate, as the massive engines thundered to life, pulling the Phoenix from its geosynchronous orbit in a burst of golden light.
Through the forward windows, the crew watched Earth fall away at dizzying speed, as the automated piloting system slammed the nose up, and spun the dreadnought to align with its intercept vector. By the time the first Vrax ships broke Lunar orbit, the Phoenix would be waiting.
On the lead Vrax cruiser, Grax glared at the sensor display, showing the lone human warship, accelerating to engage his fleet alone. "Impossible," he spat. "No single vessel could stand against hundreds. All ships!" he bellowed, "Concentrate your fire and crush that eyesore!" Around him, crew scrambled to comply, locking targeting solutions across the squadrons. But as the first energy beams, and plasma lances lanced out, they merely flickered off invisible shields, far stronger than their own.
As the first energy beams and plasma lances streaked towards the Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched their vivid colors, dim and disperse across the ship's energy barriers. "Damage report?" she asked curtly. "Shields holding at 99%", responded the sensors officer. While an unprecedented barrage for any other vessel, the Phoenix's armor could withstand an nation's worth of firepower for hours.
"Return fire, target lead enemy cruisers", ordered Aoki. Before the words left her mouth, flickers of light erupted from the Phoenix's forward batteries. Dual heavy plasma lances, intense as a sun's core, lashed out like spears. They sheared through the initial Vrax ships with brutal efficiency, superstructures evaporating within the star hot beams.
A spread of precision antimatter warheads followed, tiny singularities of annihilation blossoming into explosions that obliterated entire capital ships. Not a single shot missed its mark, targeting computers guided by an intelligence far superior to any the aliens possessed. Behind the initial devastation, dozens more Vrax craft spun out of control, dead in space.
A flicker of doubt entered Grax's mind at the devastation wrought by this single opponent. But he steeled his resolve, determined to outlast the human war machine through sheer numbers. "All ships jump to flanking positions, surround it and pummel the eyesore from all sides." Obedient to their instincts, the Vrax pilots executed precision micro-jumps that scattered their fleet in an immersive cloud.
Yet for all their coordination, the Phoenix's defenses and countermeasures were vastly more advanced. As waves of plasma and coherent beams lashed at it from every angle, point-defense cannons methodically picked off attackers. Not a single shot touched its heavily ablative armor plates.
Inside the hull, crew calmly went about their duties, the ship responding to their desires before they were even voiced. An autonomous parasite weapon was deployed, an obsidian spheres that swallowed incoming fire like a singularity. When satiated, it vomited the torn energies of a hundred ships back at their original vectors. Squadrons disintegrated under their own firepower.
Grax howled at the massacre unfolding, his vaunted fleet being picked apart ship by ship. Few commanders in history had witnessed the obliteration of an armada with their own eyes. Despite everything, Grax refused to back down until the Human war machine was itself destroyed.
He cried out the order for supreme suicide tactics, a final gambit to see them all go down together...
Twenty more Dreadnoughts decloaked around the battlefield´. Drax thoughts run through his head," Only suicide here will be his".
Surrender was the only Option!

The huge alien vessel loomed into view of the lunar diplomatic station's windows. Jonah stared up at the immense black shape blocking out the stars, feeling an influx of mixed emotions. As Earth's chief ambassador, the responsibility for how this first contact went weighed heavily on him. He took a deep breath to compose himself as the airlock connected with an audible thunk.
The massive frames of the arriving Vrax nearly filled the chamber as the inner door slid open. Their dark brown exoskeletons glinted under the lights, and bulbous blue eyes regarded the humans with an unreadable expression. The lead alien, Ambassador Grax, extended a claw in greeting which Jonah cautiously shook. Through translation algorithms, Grax declared they came in peace and wished to forge a prosperous relationship.
The ensuing talks did not go as Jonah hoped. Grax demanded access to the resource-rich asteroid belts, along with tribute payments to the Vrax Empire. When Jonah protested that humanity could not simply cede sovereign territory, Grax's tone turned condescending. "Consider this a generous offer, given our technological superiority." Jonah bit back a retort, mind racing to defuse the situation.
That evening, the diplomats convened an emergency video call with world leaders back on Earth. "Their demands are outrageous and set a terrible precedent," declared the Chinese premier. "We must stand firm or risk becoming tributary vassals," agreed the Russian president. Arguments flew across cultural and ideological lines until Jonah called for calm. "Antagonizing them could provoke conflict. I say we request further dialogue to find common ground."
The next meeting with Grax did not go smoothly. No matter how Jonah framed alternative proposals, the alien remained fixated on tribute and territory. When Jonah stood his ground, Grax's eyes flashed red in a sign of anger unfamiliar to the humans. "Do not test our patience, Ambassador. Your world depends on our good graces." Jonah ended the talks with a bitter taste in his mouth, dreading informing the others.
That night, Jonah paced the station, wrestling with their disastrous options. Take on the Vrax fleet and demonstrate to the galaxy the true nature of humanity, or give in to their oppressive demands?
He heard footsteps and turned to see his second-in-command, Captain Sato, entering with a grim look. "Grax just issued an ultimatum - accept their terms within a solar day or face reprisals." Jonah's heart sank further at this escalation.
In an emergency session, viewscreens filled with tense faces as Jonah briefed the situation. Shouts immediately erupted over what to do, none of the viable choices appealing. Then, the elderly UN Secretary General spoke slowly and calmly. "My friends, while force will gain us nothing, weakness will see our sovereignty trampled. I suggest we issue one final, simple message - that any harm to humanity will be met with swift and overwhelming response. This buys time for diplomacy without losing face or firing a shot. All agreed?" The room fell silent, then gradually, nations signaled consensus on this last hope. Now it was in Grax's claws.
The news of the Vrax's demands spread like wildfire across the solar system. On Earth, massive crowds swarmed city centers, chanting "No tribute!" and "Off our world!". Even hardened military analysts conceded humanity had no means to repel a full attack.
Jonah watched the coverage, weary after hours of unproductive talks with Grax. The ambassador remained resolute, because Earths resources were required for the survival of the Vrax Empire. His mention of force cast a grim pallor over the room. As Jonah returned to the station, Captain Sato gave a grim update. Social media was swimming with calls to arms, governments debated reactive shows of military force.
An emergency UN session convened via hologram. Shouts echoed in the vast chamber as leaders demanded strategies. "Further concessions will destroy our dignity!" roared the Chinese premier. The Russian president warned a small deterrent strike could backfire catastrophically. "Our people will never accept subjugation," said the Indian foreign minister.
Jonah relayed his advice to find diplomatic solutions.
On the lunar station, Jonah stared up at the alien warship, praying his diplomacy to paid off. Whatever happened, Earth would not go down without teaching these newcomers, that humanity was not so easy to conquer.
Grax saw humanity's final desperate plea as a threat, that neither safety nor pride could ignore. Now there was nothing to do but wait.
On the Vrax command ship, Grax snarled as the human's message was translated. His blue eyes flashed red with rage. "Insolent primitives! They dare threaten the mighty Vrax Empire?" He stabbed a claw at his subcommander. "Launch the entire assault fleet at once. I want those upstart human colonies wiped from the stars."
The subcommander scrambled to obey, sending the order to the hundreds of ships waiting on standby. Throughout the armada, crew rushed to battle stations as engines roared to life. Within minutes, the full force of the Vrax military swung into a sharp intercept course, weapons priming for the slaughter to come.
Within the lunar station, alarms blared as long-range sensors detected the armada changing course. "They're heading straight for the moon bases at maximum speed," cried Captain Sato, studying the readouts in horror. Ambassador Jonah prepared himself and delivered a command: decloak only one dreadnought, and show Earth and the galaxy who we truly are!
Through the viewport, he peered into the black and saw a faint flare of light growing behind Earth's shadow.
On the bridge of the ESN Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched the enemy fleet emerge on her sensors, over 500 enemy contacts closing at dangerous velocity. "All hands to battle stations," she ordered calmly into the comm.
Around her, the crew leapt into well-practiced motions as blast doors sealed, and armor plating hummed into place. "Charge main kinetic barriers and plasma lances. Stand by rocket pods for intercept maneuvers."
Aoki felt the deck plates vibrate, as the massive engines thundered to life, pulling the Phoenix from its geosynchronous orbit in a burst of golden light.
Through the forward windows, the crew watched Earth fall away at dizzying speed, as the automated piloting system slammed the nose up, and spun the dreadnought to align with its intercept vector. By the time the first Vrax ships broke Lunar orbit, the Phoenix would be waiting.
On the lead Vrax cruiser, Grax glared at the sensor display, showing the lone human warship, accelerating to engage his fleet alone. "Impossible," he spat. "No single vessel could stand against hundreds. All ships!" he bellowed, "Concentrate your fire and crush that eyesore!" Around him, crew scrambled to comply, locking targeting solutions across the squadrons. But as the first energy beams, and plasma lances lanced out, they merely flickered off invisible shields, far stronger than their own.
As the first energy beams and plasma lances streaked towards the Phoenix, Commander Aoki watched their vivid colors, dim and disperse across the ship's energy barriers. "Damage report?" she asked curtly. "Shields holding at 99%", responded the sensors officer. While an unprecedented barrage for any other vessel, the Phoenix's armor could withstand an nation's worth of firepower for hours.
"Return fire, target lead enemy cruisers", ordered Aoki. Before the words left her mouth, flickers of light erupted from the Phoenix's forward batteries. Dual heavy plasma lances, intense as a sun's core, lashed out like spears. They sheared through the initial Vrax ships with brutal efficiency, superstructures evaporating within the star hot beams.
A spread of precision antimatter warheads followed, tiny singularities of annihilation blossoming into explosions that obliterated entire capital ships. Not a single shot missed its mark, targeting computers guided by an intelligence far superior to any the aliens possessed. Behind the initial devastation, dozens more Vrax craft spun out of control, dead in space.
A flicker of doubt entered Grax's mind at the devastation wrought by this single opponent. But he steeled his resolve, determined to outlast the human war machine through sheer numbers. "All ships jump to flanking positions, surround it and pummel the eyesore from all sides." Obedient to their instincts, the Vrax pilots executed precision micro-jumps that scattered their fleet in an immersive cloud.
Yet for all their coordination, the Phoenix's defenses and countermeasures were vastly more advanced. As waves of plasma and coherent beams lashed at it from every angle, point-defense cannons methodically picked off attackers. Not a single shot touched its heavily ablative armor plates.
Inside the hull, crew calmly went about their duties, the ship responding to their desires before they were even voiced. An autonomous parasite weapon was deployed, an obsidian spheres that swallowed incoming fire like a singularity. When satiated, it vomited the torn energies of a hundred ships back at their original vectors. Squadrons disintegrated under their own firepower.
Grax howled at the massacre unfolding, his vaunted fleet being picked apart ship by ship. Few commanders in history had witnessed the obliteration of an armada with their own eyes. Despite everything, Grax refused to back down until the Human war machine was itself destroyed.
He cried out the order for supreme suicide tactics, a final gambit to see them all go down together...
Twenty more Dreadnoughts decloaked around the battlefield´. Drax thoughts run through his head," Only suicide here will be his".
Surrender was the only Option!

Been a shooter most of my life, mainly hunting, some recreational. Been doing Crossfit and OCR’s and backpacking since 2017. This year we moved out of town and back onto the farm because the world is going to absolute shit. Now that I have the room I’ve built myself a nice little range and would like to get into some competition shooting. Tac Games, Proving Grounds, maybe some two or three gun style stuff. I have to do something competitive and new every few years or I’ll go insane.
I’ve been selling off old or entry level stuff and rebuilding my kit, well two kits. A SHTF kit and then a competition kit. Obviously some things have crossover like the belt and the Esstac Kywis carrier. Some not so much like the plates. I like research and I like new toys so it’s been fun. This sub has helped a ton. What’s not been fun is the LPVO.
I have narrowed it down to that, and thinking of a 1-6x because they are versatile and I believe in those competitions I could be taking shots up to 500-600 yards, nothing crazy but nothing I’d want just a red dot for either. Strike Eagle, Tango, Warhorse, Razor, PST, Vudu, Nx8…..There are so many options. FFP or SFP?
For what I’m doing should I drop 3 grand on a scope? I could financially afford it but mentally that’s a tough sell. I could buy a lot of kit for 3,000. But $500 seems low, and I’ve heard people call the Tango (for example) “best for the money” and others say “it’s a piece of fucking shit.” I’ve killed many a deer past the 500 yard mark with whatever scope was mounted on my dad’s 7mm mag so I’ve never really delved into the world of “optics” or even given it much thought before now.
Any advice or personal experience would be greatly appreciated. TIA

Long story short, there was a town meeting for people who work with culture and entertainment, which I do. Last year I didn't make it because of agoraphobia, I got there and stayed in the car because I wasn't brave enough to go inside.
Well, this year I told myself I'd do my very best to participate, last week I was feeling like shit, my hair looked horrible, I have those huge dark circles under my eyes for lack of sleep, so I decided to get a haircut, just a simple haircut but it increased my confidence so much.
Today I took a warm, relaxing shower, put on my favourite clothes (I don't know if you guys are like this, but I have a few clothes that make it slightly easy for me to be in public), used my best perfume, did a basic makeup and the final touch, red lipsticks. Not too red, because I didn't want to draw too much attention, but red enough to make me look like a confident person.
Then I went to the meeting. Well, my mum went with me, but I wasn't even ashamed, I mean, so what that I'm 28 and my mum goes places with me? At least I'm going, I haven't left the house by myself in a while and I didn't want to risk it today.
There were around 12 people there, which for most people is not a lot, but for me it was enough to make me scared. I got anxious, started shaking. Then I took my Clonazepam and in a few minutes I was chilled and relaxed. (My psychiatrist recommended me to always take Clonazepam with me in my pockets, so if I panic when I'm far from home I could take it to feel better, I avoid taking it as much as possible because I don't want to be dependent on it). I stayed there for almost 2 hours and even talked a bit in the meeting, I'm so proud of myself.
Part of my Agoraphobia comes from insecurities with my self image, which is why I mentioned everything I did to get confident to go. When I'm happy with the way I look like I feel so powerful, so confident, and it helps a lot with exposures.
I was home bound for a couple of years, I have been slowly leaving the house, usually twice or thrice per month now. But it's getting easier. If I can do you, I believe you can do it as well!

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/VzZUABF
Red chevron TA31 “.223F”
Inspired by this Walter Sobchak post (link below), this setup served me well shooting PSA 75g 5.56 OTM out to 500 yards.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CgPZAEMLsyP/?igsh=MWI5NWt3cWxtY2pxYw==
See also this “send nods” configuration: https://www.instagram.com/p/C6EmUqLLtbH/?igsh=bGxyZGl5MWwxajg1
This configuration of YHM 1/2” riser and arisaka offset thingy places both optics at a chef’s kiss 3.25 inches over the bore on an AR, measured with autism by yours truly.
The Romeo 5 has an aimpoint killflash I modified, but you will need your own ACOG killflash for maximum stelf.
Selling because I switched to an ACOG with the dot on top so the rifle will lay very flat in my thin storage case. Glass is great.
Tritium is present, just not sure how much is left- probably at 50% if I had to guess. SN is there for your pleasure.
Zeroing notes: On a 14.5,” Strelok put gave me an optimal dot zero of 65/225 and it worked great on reduced ISPC steel out to 300 yards.
The ACOG zero that best matched the BDC was a 25/300 yard zero using the 300 harsh mark. Science. I can run the numbers and provide a suggested zero if you operate in meters. If you don’t care about matching up the BDC… “obviously you aren’t a golfer.”
Paypizzle preferred. Please comment and I will message you.

Please red my earlier post for more details.
So I (F31l left him 3 w ago and it's been painful ever since. It wasn't good staying in the relationship but it's even more painful now. I've missed him ever since and regretted it almost immediately. I somehow understand what I've been dealing with through or relationship yet I blame myself so much I still want to "change myself and save the relationship".
After the breakup he went completely cold, it's like he became another person. He said he was done although he didn't wanted to block me when I asked him to. I just can't stay away and I keep hurting myself by writing in desperate attempt to get us back. I almost feel like the abusive one since I'm the one who's love bombing and I don't even understand why. I really love him, but I understand he's not good for me. I want to be with him so badly but also I just want to forget about him.
When he answer (sometimes he don't) he goes hot/cold. When I'm asking "do you want me to stop writing and leave you alone?", he doesn't say no directly more like "I love you but I don't know what to do, I don't trust you anymore". This makes me crazy cause I want to keep proving my love for him - which is what I did during the relationship.
He also went back to drugs so I'm dying inside cause I feel guilty about it. I want to help him but sometimes it feels like the best way to help him is to dissappear. I called him to see how he was feeling cause I was worried and he started to scream "what do u want? U don't wanna help me u only care for yourself" and hang up. And I, like a fool keep thinking no he's just in a bad place. How can I leave him when he's like that?
I texted him after trying to explain my worries and that I still do care for him and he wrote back talking about love, sadness och confusion (hot/cold). He say he still love me but don't know what to do.
I'm so desperate and stuck, yesterday I relapsed hard and wrote a long confession text where I wanted to - and was ready - to do anything to save our relationship asking him what he needed from me as a partner to work. He answered "he to thinks about it a lot, that he miss me, love me, but that he don't know cause he can't TRUST me and dont know what to do". He also said "yeah that sound wonderful but how does that love of yours actually work practically?" (Don't know if the translate was good - sorry for that).
I then asked for straight answers to put it I'm my own face since I wished somewhere he would answer "NO fck of" or something. I wrote "if u don't believe my love is truth for u, do u even want me/my love? Does my fighting even mean anything?". And he stopped answering again.
I'm feeling discussed by myself. I'm ashamed yet I'm proud. I'm feeling sick and psychotic. I'm ashamed cause I feel like he's just validating himself on my emotions, yet I don't believe he's bad, just hurting, then I'm feeling "proud" cause no matter what - I follow my foolish heart. I love and want to fight for my love. But love isn't supposed to be like this. This is pure hell.
The facts in my head about what's right/wrong is a big mess right now. I know what I would say to my best friend if she told me "my story". But I'm lost. I'm lost cause he's hurting, he's damaged and I love him. I want to make everything right but I can't. I want to believe my love will save us. I want to keep changing to prove myself and my true intentions. Why doesn't he believe me? 😭
I'm feeling sick. What am I doing? Why am I chasing him? What do I even believe will happen? - IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. I validate his behavior towards me just by being myself. Then again goes the thoughts "he's just hurting cause you're the one who left him", "you're psycho look at how desperate you are".
I start to believe I'm the copendent narcissist since I react like this. I'm so done with myself.
All I ever wanted was us to be in peace, at least most of the time and when it wasn't - battle life together. I wanted to give him everything and have a family. I miss him so much it hurts! I sometimes feel like I'll never heal fully from this love. I still haven't even accepted it for what it is - cause what is it? What's the truth? Did I ruin it all? What's going on and what can I do to fix it? If not the relationship then my head/heart.
God help me I just want to dissappear I can't do this 😭😭

Hello! I'm apparently a very excited alarm, and I'm considering moving to Ohio in the next couple of years. I know that reddit pages for places like states or cities, get a lot of posts asking about moving to said place and they can get annoying. But I assure you, I've done my research first, and can ask much more targeted questions than "Where should I move?".
I've been doing a ton of research on numerous states, to figure out where I want to move to. The things that my research has shown me about Ohio that I like, are that almost all of the metros have a very affordable cost of living, the cities are young and happening, there's more people, friends to be made, and dating opportunities than Maine, and no state inspection (just emissions in some places). But what I don't like about my Ohio findings are that it's a conservative state and the things that come with it, like overt racism (that doesn't mean all conservatives are racist, settle down), anti-abortion, stop and identify, overfunded and overzealous police, and just the general, backward thinking. What's more are the red light cameras statewide (can't run a red light at midnight with no one around without still getting caught), tolls get expensive by distance, bad winters, and particularly bad crime in Cleveland.
About me: I'm a 22 year old guy, black, moderately liberal, and I've lived in Maine all my life. I went to a high school with around 100 kids in my graduating class, of which I was one of maybe 2 black kids. I have Asperger's and I've been lonely/depressed for a long time. I love cars and motorcycles, and love driving standard. I have an associate's degree in automotive technology (I can be a mechanic), but found out I don't really like it as a job. But I still want to stay in the trades, without going back to school.
There's a lot of things that are important to me in a place I'm considering moving to, but I know obviously no place will have everything. Those things, in no particular order, are: a reasonable cost of living (Ohio has that), few cops or at least reasonable ones, more/better job opportunities, more people and opportunities to date, no absurd traffic, decent roads, winters that aren't extreme, a low tax burden, a car community, and the ability to easily avoid the racist, backward people that are bound to be somewhere in every state.
I know for sure that I don't want to live in a big city, but I know I'd need to stay close in order to avoid the racists and whatnot, and be close to jobs and happenings. Using Columbus as an example, London would be a good place for me (solely in terms of proximity. I don't know anything about the town). I don't have to live inside the city, but it's still only a half hour commute to the center of Columbus.
So, now that you know about me and what I'm looking for, what can you all tell me? I'm looking for stuff like, Are the winters comparable to Maine winters? Is this the kind of state where I can count on being pulled over for DWB (driving while black)? Is it hard to make friends if you're looking for decent, progressive-minded people? Will I come to love Cleveland for the nightlife? Is there a reason that the cost of living is so cheap? What can you tell me?
Oh, and one last question. Those long, straight roads with nothing but fields on both sides for miles. Do people go out on those roads to race or drive fast? I feel like you'd hear about it more if people were doing it a lot.

I had my daughter at the end of 2018, and I bought myself a maternity pyjama set from Asda. If you don't know, maternity wear has extra material at the front for bump expansion.
Anyway, I LOVE the bottoms from the set. So comfortable and I wear them so much they are holey in places, and as I hold the majority of my weight around my stomach, they've (sadly) never gone out of my clothes rotation over the last 5 years.
Today, after getting my girl up for school, I was cleaning up the kitchen and went to empty the bin outside. I've literally got one hand on the wheelie bin lid, the other mid-swinging the bin bag, and I can feel my PJs making a break for freedom. I did the first thing I could think of, and do a opened knee squat to try and stop them falling. I some how manage to pretzel myself to get the bag in the bin without flashing the neighbours, then scurry back inside. I think only half an arse cheek was hanging out.
I have now retired those bottoms. They are now in the bin.

The world was a boozy whirl of lights and sounds. Images, broken and fragmented, came and went. Voices, laughter, screaming. The ground pitched like the deck of a tempest-tossed ship, and he felt heavy, as though the ground were pulling him to it. C’mere, Dommy. He fell, lay on the pavement, and pushed himself up again, staggering like a drunk on his way home. His head spun, his body ached, and things seemed blurry, like half-formed images glimpsed underwater.
It was the light blue hour before dawn and Dom was…somewhere. He should have recognized the stores and street signs around him, but he didn’t. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and a sense of confusion gripped him so strongly that he was beginning to panic. Where was he? What happened?
The world spun away again and the next thing he knew, he was lying in a heap of garbage bags, used needles, and rubbish. He came awake with a jerk and sat up so fast that a bolt of pain jammed into his skull. He winced and pressed his hand to his forehead. He felt hot, clammy.
Something was seriously wrong.
Somehow he got to his feet again and started walking. The sun was up now and the streets were filled with people. They all sneered in disgust as he passed, and he wrapped his arms around his chest like a baby comforting itself. He was getting cold. His muscles were sore. Tears streamed down his face and he wanted to cry.
Going on instinct alone, Dom made his way back home and climbed the steps to his apartment. Exhaustion swept over him and he sagged against the door as he dug in his pocket for the keys. They shook in his hand and he had to focus really hard to get the key into the lock.
Inside, he collapsed onto the couch and his eyelids instantly drooped. He was so weary that he couldn’t lift his head, couldn’t form a single coherent thought. Dom felt himself starting to sink, and snapped his eyes open with a start. Something in his soul told him that if he slept, he would die.
He couldn’t help it, though. He was falling, tumbling, hands reaching up from hell to grab him. His eyes fluttered closed again and the world started to go dark, his heart slamming in fear. He tried to fight, but the pull of darkness was too strong, too alluring. Why was he fighting? Why not just…give up? Hadn’t he thought of killing himself before? Didn’t he hate his life and himself? What was there to fight for? A wife? Kids? A community that loved and respected him? Shit, affordable groceries?
No.
There was nothing.
He had nothing and was nothing.
A sense of peace blossomed from the darkness, and suddenly death didn’t seem so scary. In fact, it was warm…inviting.
It was life that was cold and hateful. Not death.
Death accepted you no matter who you were. It didn’t reject you…it didn’t ignore you. If you sought it, you would find it, and if you embraced it, it would embrace you.
With that thought in mind, Dom gave up.
And died.
***
Bruce Kenner, captain of the 5th Albany precinct, sat behind his desk on the morning of June 28 and lazily leafed through a stack of files as he sipped from a mug of coffee. A roughly built man with a dark goatee and graying blonde hair, he looked more like a small town southern sheriff than a low level public works functionary. In fact, he tended to act like it too. He liked to hunt, fish, and drink beer on his off time. Albany wasn’t a big city, but it was big enough that you never got a fucking break. Run here, run there, arrest this asshole, investigate that asshole. By the time Friday rolled around, he was so ready for the peace and tranquility of a fishing trip he could taste it.
Already this Monday morning, he was looking forward to another one.
Over the weekend, three kids went missing in the Pine Hills and Washington Park area, bringing the total for that summer up to eight. All were teenagers, all were troubled. Most were boys, but two were girls.
Troubled kids run away all the time. They might be gone a few days, sulking at a friend’s house over something their father or mother did, but they’d eventually come home. None of these kids had come back yet and from what he knew, a few of them weren’t the runaway types. They were shits at school and caused problems, but they had no reason to up and leave. Hell, Bruce himself raised hell as a kid, but he always found his way back home, even if he spent the previous night dying in a field from Mad Dogg 20/20 poisoning.
One or two kids going missing…okay, it happens. Eight? Over a span of four weeks?
Yeah, something was wrong here.
But what?
There was nothing on any of these kids. No one saw them, no one knew anything - one minute they were here, the next they weren’t. What could he or anyone else do with that?. The public broke cops’ balls all the time, but if you don’t have evidence, you don’t have evidence. What do you want? Door to door searches? Roadblocks? Dogs and helicopters? Yeah, then when you actually do it, they cry fascism. Guess I’ll just use my Spidey Senses.
Bruce wished he had spidey senses. He wanted to find these kids as much as anyone, and he was starting to get pissed off that he couldn’t. He took another sip from his mug and read on. The latest kids to go missing were three boys between the ages of fourteen and eighteen.
They were all white, all thin (except for one). If there was a serial killer in town - and Bruce hoped to fuck there wasn’t - he had a type. What, black kids aren’t good enough to kill, cannibalize, and wear like a skin suit? They should charge him with a hate crime for discrimination.
That way he’d actually stay locked up.
The door opened and Vanessa Rodregiez, his deputy, came in. A tall, shapely Hispanic woman with dark eyes and a mouth poised always on the edge of a smile, she wore her black hair in a ponytail that would look stern and severe on anyone else, but on her, looked childlike. She was twenty-seven and had been on the force for three years, but you could be forgiven for thinking her much younger. “Bright and early, I see,” she said with a grin.
Bruce grumbled.
Vanessa held down the fort during the graveyard shift, acting to the night as he acted to the day. She was young and full of energy, which clashed with Bruce, who was old and just wanted to be left alone. Despite their differences, Bruce loved her like a kid sister…an annoying kid sister he wanted to throat punch sometimes.
“You missed all the fun last night,” she said and parked her butt on the edge of Bruce’s desk. He glared at her, but she ignored him.
“Good,” he said. Then: “What happened?”
“Big fight outside of Club Vlad,” she said. “It looked like a WorldStar video.”
For a moment, Bruce was lost. “Club what?”
“Club Vlad,” Vanessa said. “Where the Fuze Box used to be.”
Ah, right. The Fuze Box was an Albany landmark, a night club for punks…or goths…or someone. Certainly not for Bruce Kenner. It was small, dingy, and always had people in black waiting outside. On Friday and Saturday nights, it blasted strange music with lyrics about fighting The Man. Kids had been fighting the Man since before Bruce was even born and they hadn’t beaten him yet. Kudos to them for still trying.
Last year, The Fuze Box closed down and someone else bought it. It reopened last month and looked more or less the same: Posers, shitty music, and spiked hair. So much spiked hair. “Place is still a pain in the ass,” Bruce said.
“Yep,” Vanessa chirped. “It doesn’t know what it wants to be now. One minute they play nightcore, the next EDM. It’s all over the place.”
Bruce raised a quizzical brow.
“Not that I’ve ever been there in my free time,” Vanessa said in a tone that suggested she had,
Bruce gave a judgemental hum.
“Anyway,” Vanessa went on, “you see we have some new missing persons?”
Sighing, Bruce sat back in his chair. “Yeah. I did.”
“People are starting to ask questions,” Vanessa warned.
That brought a terse smile to Bruce’s weathered face. “Maybe they’ll solve it then.”
“Ha, fat chance,” Vanessa said. She got up and stretched. “Anyway, I’m bushed. Here’s my…” she trailed off and looked at her empty hands. “Damn, where’s my report? I just had it?” She turned in a confused circle as if she might be able to spot her report making a break for it. “Huh,” she said. She left the office and came back a moment later holding a folder. “Found it,” she grinned.
Bruce just looked at her.
“Um…here it is.”
He didn’t take it.
Her smile faltered. She carefully sat it on top of the files Bruce was looking at.
And his hands.
“I’ll just leave that right here.” She patted it for good measure.
“Thank you,” Bruce said.
“Okay. Night.”
“Goodnight,” Bruce said as she left through a shaft of morning sunlight. Alone, Bruce sat her report aside and went back to the missing kids. This case was giving him a headache and it wasn’t even nine. With a deep sigh, he slumped back in his chair and drummed his fingers on the armrests.
Was it Saturday yet?
He could really use a fishing trip.
***
Dom came awake in the cold purple twilight with a shocked gasp like a man coming up seconds before drowning. His eyes strained from his sweaty face and his mouth hung slack, twisted in a gruesome parody of The Scream. His mind was muddled, murky - he didn’t know where he was or even who he was, but he knew this,.
He couldn’t breathe.
He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, but his lungs did not fill with air. A great, unseen weight seemed to bear down on his chest, and panic gripped him. He tried to move, but his arms refused to heed his brain’s command. The weight seemed heavier, all over, crushing him like a bug. Confusion filled him and he started to pant.
Without warning, his bowels and bladder loosened, and horrible wetness filled his pants. He tried to sit up, but his body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. His chest rose and fell with the frantic labor of his breath, but his lungs remained inert. A cry of fear bubbled up inside of him, but escaped his mouth only as a breathy groan.
A bust of adrenaline shot through him and he tried to stand, but succeeded only in falling off the couch instead, landing face first against the cold tile floor. He felt his nose crunch, but the pain was muted.
Dom thought he lost consciousness after that, but wasn’t sure. His next memory was of shivering so violently that his teeth clacked together. A phantom chill - perhaps from the floor - had settled into his bones, and was colder than he had ever been in his life, colder even than the time he fell into a snowbank and got lost when he was two. Shudders racked his body, and though he tried to turn over, he was too fucking heavy. It was like every muscle in his body had turned to dead weight. Fragmented thoughts swirled in his head, faint colors in the dark, but he couldn’t put any of them together.
With great effort, he managed to push himself slightly up, but a wave of lightheadedness crashed over him and he lowered his head once more. He stopped trying and simply lay there. Shortly, his eyes began to burn and he realized that he wasn’t blinking. Jesus Christ, he wasn’t blinking.
For some strange reason, that brought a fresh bout of panic. He started to hyperventilate, but his lungs still wouldn’t work. He wasn’t blinking…he wasn’t breathing…what was happening to him?
A whimper burst from his throat and he started to cry.
He must have cried himself to sleep, because he woke sometime later to the most intense headache he’d ever had. It felt like something was eating his brain from the inside out. He was sore all over, and could feel his muscles twitching, as though a thousand living things were burrowing through his body. A cramp shot down his right leg, and the toes of his left foot curled involuntarily. Slowly, his jaw clenched closed, and the muscles in his neck began to strain…then to burn. His panic turned to terror, and Dom wiggled across the floor like a worm, his limbs screaming in red agony and his brain filling with heat. He somehow wound up on his right side, and his arms curled slowly up to his chest, crossing at the wrists like a mummy. He tried to pull them apart, but the slightest movement sent waves of excruciating pain cutting through his body. His knees began to draw up to his stomach, and his fingers clenched tightly.
Cramps and spasms attacked every muscle in his body. He screamed through his teeth and shook, resembling a man in the electric chair as 40,000 volts of justice coursed through him. The pain grew gradually, getting worse and worse as minutes ticked by like hours. Higher, higher, higher - he clenched his eyes closed and shrieked as it became unbearable. Disjointed thoughts flashed through his mind - prayers, threats, curses, Jesus fucking…FUCK.
What was happening? God, what was happening to him? Was it fentanyl? He’d seen videos of people high on fentanyl, and they leaned in weird positions. He didn’t do drugs but maybe he ingested it somehow.
His panic may have returned if all of his muscles hadn’t picked that moment to contract as one. His eyes bulged from their sockets and his jaw unclenched just enough for him to utter a high. Agonized scream that echoed through his empty apartment like thunder.
A human being can only take so much before giving out. When the pain reached a crescendo, and Dom mercifully sank into consciousness once more. The sun rose and cascaded through the apartment’s sole window, falling over his huddled form. Slowly, it tracked across the sky before setting again. As the last rays disappeared behind the horizon, Dom’s eyes opened. The pain of the night before was blessedly gone, replaced by a feeling of numbness - the cool ash after the hot fire. His thoughts were slow and thick like molasses, but he could actually think again. Nightmare memories flooded back to him, but he wasn’t sure they were real. He was lying on his side, his arms wrapped around his chest as if for warmth, and his teeth lightly chattered against the icy chill. He was so cold that he didn’t want to move, but he couldn’t stay here forever. He needed help. He needed…
A shower.
Yeah, a hot shower. That would warm him up.
Gritting his teeth, he slowly sat up, ready for a burst of pain.
But none came.
He did, however, feel heavy. Getting to his feet, he stumbled and nearly fell, catching himself against the counter. His limbs had no feeling. It’s like they weren’t even there. Head hung, Dom tried to catch his breath, but it felt like he wasn’t breathing at all. His eyelids drooped closed and he felt like he was going to fall down. Summoning all the might he could, he shuffled into the bathroom with the stiff gait of an old man. He snapped the light on, and cold, white brilliance filled the space, blinding him.
Leaning heavily against the sink, he gripped the cold porcelain. Suddenly, he was afraid of looking into the mirror. He was sure that whatever reflection he saw, it would be of something else, something monstrous.
Dom lifted his head and faced the glass.
His heart shrank.
The man in the mirror was him but different. His skin was white as milk, lacking all color whatsoever save for the ugly purple patch on the left side. IResembling a giant bruise, it started at the temple and extended down to the slope of his neck, disappearing beneath his T-shirt. He gingerly lifted the shirt, and moaned when he saw that his entire left side was discolored, the purple edged with a puffy shade of pink. His sallow skin clung tight to his ribcage, and his hip bones stuck out so much it looked painful. Back in the mirror, his cheeks were sunken, hollow, and his eyes were a hazy, dishwater gray. His skull seemed bigger, his hair longer. Dom wanted to whip his head away from the phantom before him, to never see it again, but he was transfixed.
There was no way that thing was -
Dom looked away, cutting that thought off before it could finish.
A shower.
He needed a shower.
Slowly, stiffly, Dom undressed, peeling off his shirt and his soiled pants. He dropped them in a heap on the floor and stepped under the spray. He could feel the water pounding against him, but it provided no heat. It was neither hot nor cold. It was simply there.
Dom pressed his head to the slick shower wall and stood there for a long time. He was spent, tired, and fried - he had no more emotions left to give. He got out after a little while, dried off, and put on a clean pair of shorts. He settled into bed and lay there with his hands folded over his chest and his eyes open. They felt gritty, dry. His stomach felt bloated, gassy. He was drowsy now, the weight of the past two days (or was it two weeks?) coming down on him all at once. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.
He was still asleep - but aware - when the knocking on his door started the next morning. Time was funny in this state of being, fast and jerky but also slow and echoing. Keys rattled the knob turned. The landlord came in with a cop. They saw him on the bed, laid out like a corpse for a viewing, and the cop radioed in a code 35. Soon, cops were all around him, making noise and touching things. He had the vague sense of discomfort and embarrassment at the intrusion. A baling man in a suit stood over him, a cop who looked like a redneck beside him. “He didn’t die here,” the medical examiner said.
The cop looked at him questioningly. Dom caught the name KENNER on his name tag.
“See this?” the M.E. said and gestured to Dom’s face. “That’s livor mortis. When you die, your blood pools at the lowest point. If you’re on your left side, for example, it pools on the left.”
Kenner looked at Dom and then back to the M.E. “Someone moved him?”
“Looks like it,” the M.E. said.
“When did he die?”
The M.E. examined Dom as though he were nothing more than a side of beef. “At a glance? Three days. I won’t have a better answer until I open him up.”
Dom was still awake when they put him into a body bag and zipped it up. He felt a stirring of fear beneath the cold numbness, but he was too tired to worry about it now.
Later, he thought.
He would panic later.
For now, Dom slept.

1. AFAB. I have anxiety, diagnosed. I take citalopram (20mg) for it (currently in review). Not sure if this is relevant.

I suddenly developed this rash on the backs of my hands and my forearms. It was bright red in the sun, and as soon as I came back inside it would go pale but the bumps remained. They are still here & it developed about 2+ days ago.
They were not & are not itchy. But they would go red when I’d go in the sun, then fade back to my skin colour as soon as I’d go inside, then instantly red again in the sun.
I thought it could be a heat rash but I don’t think it is because it wasn’t itchy?

Hello all, the instructions say apply a small amount to affected areas. I apply Selgamis only on apples of cheeks where all the acne is clustered. I notice I can make out the treated areas if I look closely- very slightly redder than rest of face and much shinier (I personally love the shine). Should I be applying Selgamis all over face just like adapalene and Tret? I used both, 3 months of differin and then 5 months of Tret last year. I am not sure Selgamis has the same anti aging and other general skin benefits like tret.
My Selgamis experience 43F: I’m applying only to both my cheeks which has all the acne. Finally after 3 months, beginning to see some results. No active acne on one cheek for past two weeks and no active acne on the other for past one week. Plenty dark post acne marks are still there but right now just thankful I don’t have 7-8 massive red painful pimples on each cheek. Routine is simple, LRP wash morning and night. LRP moisturiser and LRP sunscreen in the morning. Selgamis every night after face wash.
Skin history: Never had acne before I hit 40 and no skin routine beyond washing face in the shower and moisturising skin once a day. Started seeing dermatologist Jan 2023 for the breakouts and tried various products and routines.