I had an experience this year that upon hearing a very upsetting voicemail message that was sent to me, the specific details of the message and the delivery (a very angry tone) sent me into a very deep cptsd state of mind. Outside of that trigger (fear for myself and the fear that someone in my past thought that I had done something hurtful to them) I have been dealing with a lot of emotional abuse at home. I was already maxed out with stress when this trigger happened.
I can understand now that the voicemail message apparently was a deep trigger for me. I think it was the anger. It compelled me to feel like I had to do something to fix the situation.That I was in trouble. That I was a horrible human being. I wasn't able to sleep for weeks, I lost my appetite, and I had to pretend that everything was okay with me when I was around my family. With the insomnia, loss of appetite, I was starting to get nauseous all the time, and starting to have nightmares.
I felt a deep need to clarify the past misunderstanding to the other person who was mentioned in the voicemail. I was too scared to let the issue go. So, I was encouraged to write/contact the other person trying to clear up past to that individual.
I was feeling mortified that this friend, who I still cared about, was (as I had been informed) told that I did something that could be harmful to them. And it wasn't true.
In this experience, the composed message to, now a former friend, covered both explaining what really happened in the past and to let them know that they were safe. I also felt angry at being informed that someone told that friend such hurtful information. I wanted to find out who told them that information and give them the correct facts of the past. (A pointless effort that I can understand now.)
My main problem was that I was spiraling in a prolong cptsd incident, along with dealing with intense abuse at home. I was trapped in this emotional state of mind concerned and overthinking that I had hurt someone who mattered to me, and trying to correct a damaging situation. I wasn't able to think logically about the situation at all. Lack of sleep, insomnia, nightmares, lack of an appetite, nauseous, all led to me doing something I couldn't stop myself from doing. I sent off an email and I think it got shared with a lot of old mutual acquaintances.
The humiliation sent in and I realized much later the mistake that I had done. I didn't need to send that e-mail, but I wasn't capable of not addressing what I had believed at that time was an important issue.
Since, my social blunder, I have debating if I should apologize for doing an embarrassing thing. I had sent a follow up email to the former friend explaining that I was so sorry for doing something so bizarre and then I told them that I had removed them from all of my contacts, and that I would never contact them again. I felt like I had unintentionally crossed a line of logical friendship and I didn't want that person to be fearful of me doing something bizarre again in the future.
Honestly, I just wanted to disappear from this world. I was trying to do the right thing but my trauma lead me into a disastrous cycle of events. I was hurting deeply thinking that I had hurt someone and was making more of a mess in an attempt to fix it. Over those weeks I felt awful, I had a tightness in my chest, and I had to pretend that I was just fine to the world. While certain family members were criticizing me, making me feel like I was a burden on the family, that I wasn't good enough. That I was doing everything the wrong way. I will admit that I messed up in a very bizarre way. But being trapped in that state of mind, I could not think logically about how to deal with it.
I wrote and then sent the e-mail because I had the need to be heard and a deep need to feel like I needed to clear my name. I also was hurt and angry, because (as I found out later) I was lead to believe that this sickening rumor was still being spread among old, well now former friends. I found out later that the information that I had been given was false. That no one had told my former friend that awful rumor. In my attempt to do the right thing, I ended up deeply humiliating myself.
My question is this, should I apologize for my mistake and explain to them that I was trapped in a deep cptsd cycle?
Honestly, I'm just thinking of avoiding anyone who may have read or heard about this incident. I don't want relive that embarrassment again, but I do want to be accountable for my behavior.
The hardest part now is that today, I understand why I did what I had done. I can see how insane it was. I was dealing with multiple levels of stressor, and I did what I thought I needed to do to be safe, to give a peace of mind to a former friend. I was in a bad emotional state and I wasn't capable of exiting it in a logical manner.
And due to my deep embarrassment I cut myself off from being able to contact to that former friend. I was so convinced that he had been hurt and it deeply bothered me. I cared too much and it wasn't necessary. And to be honest, I don't know how many other people have seen that email, but I don't want to have contact with them either.
Lastly, I am setting up an appointment to see a therapist who specializes in cptsd, anxiety, and ocd. My current therapy program wasn't designed to address those issues. I think the signs were there that I was highly stressed out, but I thought that I was managing well enough.

Hey. This is going to be rather long story, so if you aren’t feeling up to reading a bunch, just keep scrolling.
I will be using the letter Z in substitution for the girl’s name.
In 2021, I (18M) had a class with a girl (18F) who I thought was cute and liked her personality. I was very socially anxious and awkward back then, so we never really talked. She got a boyfriend, who I had mutually known for years before. I’ve always though he was weird. Not in a funny, quirky way, but in a creepy, strange way. I would see them together all the time and for the first few months she seemed very happy. As their relationship progressed, I noticed she began to seem less happy than usual and even uncomfortable at times. Remember, I was just watching from the sidelines.
Fast forward a year and a half: They eventually broke up. After breaking up, he did some very weird things. He came to her house in the middle of the night and terrorized her by banging on her walls until she let him in. Also, he left a card that says “for my wife” on her car at work one time.
Fast forward to January 2024: She followed me on instagram and we became extremely close extremely fast. I caught feelings for her so quickly. We hung out for the first time on March 1st. I hadn’t had that much fun in a very long time. We both had a genuinely amazing time. However, while we were hanging out, her ex just happened to be at the store we went to. At first, she didn’t want to go in, but then she said it’d be okay. (She didn’t know I had feelings for her at this point) I stayed close to her but let her do her own thing. I have never seen someone look so uncomfortable. Every time he walked closer to her she would back up.
Fast forward a couple weeks: I confessed my feelings for her, and she said she felt the same way about me, but that she isn’t looking for a relationship. I was, and am still, completely okay with that and have always been understanding of it and I made sure she knew that. As time went on, we would begin to hang out in school, she would sit in my car with me before school, we would talk all day every day, we would say good morning and goodnight every day/night, she gave me the nickname “bear” because she said I remind her of a cute bear, we would flirt with each other, I would start coming to some of her games. On April 9th, she had an away game that I went to. I drove her back to the school to get her car so that she didn’t have to wait on the bus. Before leaving, we talked for 10 minutes or so and she told me “come here,” I was thinking she was going to give me a hug. She grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek. After that, she began to be really touchy with me. Add that with everything else, and it felt like we were together. Even people in school, including teachers, thought we were. May 3rd was our prom, we went together in a group, not as a couple. As I said before, I’m a tad bit socially awkward, so prom wasn’t really my thing, but it was nice to experience. Her and I left prom about 30 minutes early and we just walked around. We were having a great time, talking, laughing, taking funny pictures, and we held hands. It was genuinely the best night of my life. Then we went to after prom, and then out to eat. After we ate, I told her I had something for her. I went into my car and grabbed a Victorian puzzle letter I made for her. It wasn’t a love letter, it was a letter thanking her for being friends with me and always being there for me and that sort of stuff. I told her she doesn’t have to read it right now (she was feeling sick from the food) she said she’d read it when she gets home and told me to text her when I get home and we hugged goodbye. I got home around 2:45 AM and texted her. She called me at 2:55 and said “You know we aren’t dating, right? I read the letter.” I genuinely had no idea what to say, my heart sank when she said that. I mean of course I knew we weren’t actually together, even though it certainly felt like it. I ended up just saying “Yeah what do you mean?” with a little chuckle. She replied with “Okay I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I could hear it in her voice, she was uncomfortable with it. Right after the call, I texted her “I’m sorry I thought it was too much I should’ve just kept it.” She said “You’re all good I promise. It just felt really deep and I appreciate you being open and stuff.” I then said “Are you sure? I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” She kept promising me that it was okay and that I did nothing wrong. Then we just talked about how great of a time we had that night and I said goodnight to her. Her reply to that was “I’m sorry, goodnight!” I asked her what is she sorry for. I waited a few minutes, no response. Then she posted on her second instagram account. The song she used was a song by i don’t like mirrors (very sad music if you aren’t familiar). The caption was “so upset guys.” I waited a few more minutes and then double texted. She responded a minute later with “Hi buddy I’m just ready for bed.” and “I’ll talk to you later, goodnight!!” For the first time since we became friends, I didn’t get a good morning text. We had began sharing each other’s location (her idea) in late March, I woke up and saw that she removed it. I texted her at 11:24 AM asking if she was okay. She was ignoring my text and I knew that. After 30 minutes of that, I texted her on imessage (We almost always used instagram to text) and said “We dont have to talk rn if you dont want to but could you just let me know if you’re alright please” she just reacted with a thumbs up. Another half hour later and she texted me back and said “Hi cooper,” I said “Hi Z” and she said “We can talk about it later, okay? I’m not mad or anything.” I apologized again, she told me I was all good and that she’ll talk to me later. 30 minutes later she sent me this: “After reading the letter, it left me really uncomfortable. There were a lot of aspects that made me feel really uneasy. It made me feel like it was a love letter and I didn’t like that. Like I’m glad I’ve made you feel more social and get out there but it just made me feel awkward too. I’m sure you put a lot of effort into it and that’s appreciated but overall, I just felt really uncomfortable” and “I honestly need space from this friendship for a while, I’m not mad or have any ill will towards you but I need space. I hope you do well!” I had been crying off and on ever since that phone call. I hadn’t slept, and wouldn’t sleep for the next few days either. When she said she needed space it genuinely broke my heart. It was so bad that my parents noticed, they’ve never noticed when I’ve been upset before. 6 hours later, I texted her “How long do you think a while is going to be?” She said she wasn’t sure, but she knew my mom was upset about it. After I told my mom what happened, she decided to unsend the pictures she took of me and Z before prom. The fact that she did that, pissed me off. We started talking about how I talked to my mom about the situation and she ended up asking to see what my mom said about it. I have never kept anything from her, but for the first time, I was hesitant because my mom said things like “you need a girl who’s more like you and not so extra” or something along those lines. Truthfully, my mom has absolutely no accurate perception of Z. She was completely blindly firing and attacking her. Why? I have no idea, but it didn’t help me at all.. nor Z. Before sending her the screenshots, I warned her and she said “You can tell me.” She didn’t really respond to any of the texts between me and my mom. We started talking about it all and she was kept telling me she’s not upset with me. We both kept apologizing. Me, for making her uncomfortable, and her, for how she reacted.
Recap for the next month: The next couple weeks were absurdly rough on me and very straining on what was left of our friendship. She has always known when I’m upset in some way or another. She would ask what’s wrong and I would talk about it. By “talk about it,” I mean I would talk about how confused and lost I felt with everything. We had went from being practically inseparable, to barely talking, dry texting, not saying goodnight or good morning, etc. We would still walk into school with each other, but she wouldn’t sit in my car with me before school. She wouldn’t tell me about her days. She would rarely text me first. It was very hard for me. So I would talk about that, and I never really got any clarity on it. It got so hard at one point, that I was on the verge of ending my life. Losing the closest friend I have ever had wasn’t just hard because of that alone. Losing her brought back a lot of terrible things I have been through and it all just hit me at once. Unfortunately, I decided to text her “What if I kill myself?” To sum it up, she talked me down. On my end, that conversation was absurdly manipulative. Not intentionally, but it certainly seemed manipulative from her position and I still feel terrible about it. For the next week and a half-ish, I was in an extremely depressive state and was only alive because I promised her I wouldn’t commit suicide. I still didn’t give up on trying to get some clarity about the whole thing. Unfortunately, AGAIN, the way I went about it made her feel guilty. Again, not my intentions at all. On May 23rd, she finally opened up about it. This is how I learned about the way I had been making her feel through this entire situation. After that conversation, I did some serious self reflecting. I finally got some clarity and it truly made me happy. I still have my ups and downs of course, but since then, I have been good in general. However, during those downs, she would notice and ask me what was wrong. I started hesitating each time she would ask, because I didn’t want to make her feel guilty. Each time, she would assure me it wouldn’t though. It felt like this hopeless loop. She knows what’s wrong, she knows it makes her feel guilty, she asks anyways, I hesitate, she assures me, I talk about it, she feels upset or guilty. That’s was how it was for 4 straight days. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that it would be better to bury my feelings about her. I’m not saying I would bury them in the sense that I would just stop feeling the way I do, that’s not possible. But I would stop expressing them to her. I suggested it a few times and she would say “No we don’t have to bury it” and “I know you can’t bury it, I know you.” On May 27th she asked if I was okay and I told her “Not really but it’s alright” (I can’t lie to her, I lied once and it was about how I was doing and I hated it) she asked me what was up. I said “Idk, am I burying this stuff or not?” And she said “Nvm.” I have never seen her say “Nvm” before. Then, I said: “Okay please don’t do that, I just feel like when we talk about how I feel about what happened it never goes well. I’m not trying to be like weird about this, but if I really am going to not talk about it then I just won’t be able to talk about how I really feel sometimes. Idk, maybe we can think of some other solution to this because I don’t want to make you feel weird when I say I’m not okay and then can’t tell you why. I don’t want that to bring on any guilt or anything.” After 13 minutes, no response. I texted again and said “Z, I’m not upset with you or mad at you if you think I am.” After another 15 minutes, no response. I then asked “How can I fix this?” and she said “We’re fine, I’m just dozing off.” She hates the word fine because in text, people typically aren’t actually fine when they say they are. I completely removed that word from my vocabulary, and now she uses it. I asked if she really means it and she said “Yeah” then “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, sleep well.” The next morning, she walked right past my car and went into school without me. She had never done that before. We clearly weren’t “fine.” I didn’t say anything about it and just let it be. Realistically, it was killing me. For the first time since 2nd grade, I was crying in class. I thought I was hiding it well, but I guess someone noticed. I guess they texted her and asked if I was okay or something, I’m not sure. Anyways, she texted me and asked why I was crying. By this time, I had fully set my mind to not talking about the situation between us, so I said “I was feeling sad, I’m okay now though.” I couldn’t really think of what to tell her, that’s the best I came up with. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I just said fuck it and decided to tell her that when she walked past me and into school without me, it made me really upset. Yes, that’s a small thing, but it’s about the principle of it. We walked into school together every single school day for almost 3 months and then after she told me “we’re fine,” she decided not to. She said it’s because she was just really excited to see one of her friends. I honestly still don’t see the correlation in that to this day. She then said “I just don’t feel social I guess?” That’s very contradictory, but whatever. I told her it was alright and that she doesn’t have to explain it. After this, she opened up about the situation more. She told me I’ve made her feel stupid and belittled with how I speak to her. When she said that, I felt more confused than I ever have in my life. It felt completely out of left field, totally random, it honestly felt made up to me. To this day, I still don’t know how I could have made her feel like that. I clarified that I’ve never purposefully made her feel belittled or stupid. I asked if it’s something in specific that I do/say and she just kept telling me “you just have to realize it.” She also told me: “I truly just think you like my empathy. I think that you’re just not used to having someone who genuinely listens to you and is willing to show you the affection I have” This also completely caught me off guard. Yes, I do love her empathy. Yes, I’m not used to having someone who genuinely understands and cares for me and my feelings. However, I love her for so much more than that. I then told her about all of the things I like her for. I have always been there for her, even when she doesn’t feel like talking, or when she’s being dry because she’s upset, or when she won’t tell me she’s upset even though I know she is. I have told her I will be by her side forever and always. I don’t say that sparingly, I genuinely meant that with all my heart, and to hear that she feels like I only like her for her empathy, breaks my heart. She told me it feels like I’m codependent on her and as if she’s just an outlet for when I’m feeling down. That isn’t farther from how I truly feel about her. After some more talking, I said this: “I don’t want you to feel belittled or drained or like I’m using you. I mean I know our friendship has been draining since after prom, it’s been draining for me too, and I know it’s on me. I’m over here constantly just in a state of confusion and because of that, you ask me whats wrong and its the same thing every time. I’m sure that probably makes you feel like I’m trying to guilt trip you by making it feel like it’s your fault. Those aren’t my intentions when I talk about this whole thing, my intentions are to just try and get some clarity on what happened. I’m sorry that that has come at the expense of your mental health, that’s terrible and I should be better with how I go about talking about it. This was never my intention and I genuinely apologize for making you feel like this. Our friendship means the world to me and I hope this can all get better. I’m going to try my hardest to be better in how I talk to you.” She responded with “Okie,” and I thanked her for giving me clarity on the situation. That was at 5:11 PM and we didn’t text again until I texted her at 11:43 PM and said goodnight, she was already asleep though. In the morning she reacted to it with a heart. That morning she went into school before I got there, it wasn’t totally abnormal, she had done it before so I didn’t read into it that much. I have two classes a day, my teacher for my second class on this day, is also her coach. So she would come to my class sometimes and we’d hang out. She did on this day too, surprisingly. I wasn’t sure if she was upset with me or not, so when I heard her come in the class and heard her talking to my teacher and other students I just sort of tuned it out. My anxiety was through the fucking roof. Eventually, she talked to me a bit and she seemed completely happy with me. After she talked to me, my anxiety got worse and I asked my teacher to go into the little side room because it’s quiet, colder, and darker in there. I sat in there just staring at the wall with my laptop open to pretend like I was doing the work. After 10ish minutes she came in and asked if I was okay. I told her I came in there because it’s colder, dark, and quiet, but I didn’t mention my anxiety. We talked for a few minutes and then she went back out. Since this day (May 29th) we have been back to how we were all of March and April. We don’t text as much still, and don’t say good morning, we occasionally say goodnight though. But outside of that, it’s been great. The last day of school was June 5th. From the 30th to the 5th, each school day, we hung out. She started sitting in my car with me in the mornings again. We started facetiming again, it’s been amazing. For the most part, since the 27th I have genuinely been doing better and focusing on myself more. I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot dwell on the potential of what me and her can possibly be someday, or not be. On the 31st, we had a senior picnic (realistically just a shitty little cookout behind the school). We went together with another student from my class who we’re both cool with. We were together for some of it, but I let her do her own thing for most of the time. Incase you haven’t picked up on it by now, she’s a lot more popular and social than I am. Anyways, she asked me if I wanted to go back into class with her and of course I said yes. We went back into my teacher’s (her coach) class and we were listening to music together, laughing, having a great time and we were playing 2 player games together. Just having a good time. The entire time, she was very touchy with me. She was leaning her head on my chest, holding my arms, laying her head into me when I would make her laugh very hard. Her leg kept almost gravitating towards mine in a sense. My love language is physical touch and she is well aware of that. We eventually left and said goodbye and went home. She texted me a few hours later and said @I had fun today” and we both said that multiple times throughout the rest of the day. When I came to the conclusion of not dwelling on how we would end up, I also decided to give her a little space. I stopped texting first as much and began to let her come to me on her own time. She was working for the rest of this day and she texted me at 12:13 AM (our last text was 7:59 PM and before that it was 4:15 PM) and we just had some normal conversation. She didn’t text me at all Saturday (June 1st) until I texted her at 5:20 PM telling her I had just mowed our teacher’s grass. She was very dry, but I just tried to not read into it. She texted me at 12:58 AM and we had some normal conversation. Sunday morning she texted me first and we ended up facetiming before she had to leave to go to an event with some friends. We talked a lot on Sunday, the complete opposite of Saturday. Each school day until the last day, we hung out in my teachers class and each day she was very touchy with me and we had a great time every day. On the 4th, she came to the gym with me. It was the first time we hung out not in school in a long time. Just like any time we’ve hung out, I had the time of my life. After the gym, we walked around the grocery store and then we were just having fun playing around in the parking lot after that. We both had so much fun. When we hang out, it feels and looks like shit you see in coming of age movies. It’s amazing. On the last day of school, we hung out in my teacher’s class again. We got taco bell for us 3 and we picked it up together and brought it back to the school. We hung out for a few hours and then I had to leave. Yesterday, we went to the gym together again. Again, we had an amazing fucking time. While we were working out we were both making some sexual jokes. After the gym, we walked around the store again, then we went back to my car in the parking lot and were talking and listening to music. She told me to lean my seat back. She got on top of me and we started kissing. Honestly, I have never kissed anyone before. After 10 seconds-ish, she pulled away and was laughing because apparently I kept getting her chin my mouth. I truly don’t remember, I blacked out when it happened. She got off of me and then we were just talking and going through her camera roll on her phone. After 10 minutes or so, she said it’s about time for her to leave. Before she left she said “Well, we tried it. I’m sorry, I can’t do strings attached. But we tried, it was sweet. Forgive and forget” I assured her it was okay and laughed and said “forgive? forgive what?” Then we just said goodbye and that was that. After I got home sent her a song (we send songs to each other all the time) and she didn’t respond to it, but she said “Are you sure you’re okay?” Honestly, I am okay, but I’m just very confused on the “I can’t do strings attached” thing. I don’t really get it. We are extremely close, have an unbelievably amazing time together every time we’re around each other, and there’s an obvious attraction towards one another. But since I am okay, I told her “Lmaoo yeah I’m all good buddy” and then said “Are you okay with it?” We basically agreed to just not really talk about what happened in the car, and that’s okay I guess. She didn’t respond to it. We started having a little conversation. After that was done, I replied back to my “Are you okay with it?” text and asked again. She suddenly got very dry and said “Huh” then I clarified. She said “Yep” and I just said okay and “Well I’m gonna shower so if you text me and I don’t reply that’s why.” She just reacted to it with a heart. 34 minutes later I texted her asking if her teammates know I’m coming (Today she’s having a dinner with her team and she invited me to it on Wednesday when we were hanging out). She said “Nah I haven’t told em” and asked why. I said I was just wondering and I said “I hope they don’t mind,” she responded with “Idk.” It seems like she was upset, but maybe she was just tired. I’m not sure, but an hour later, (11:31 PM) I gave into the urge and said “You sure you’re alright buddy?” She opened it this morning, completely ignored it and instead sent me a song. We texted all morning like normal.
So, that’s that. That’s everything. Right now I am very confused and worried. Since I really didn’t exactly talk about it, I am genuinely in love with her. I have never felt so strongly about anyone, let alone anything in my entire life. Aside from everything I love about her, it feels like there’s something just pulling me towards her. I am wholeheartedly willing to wait my entire life for her, and I mean that. Also, when she gave me clarity, she told me her feelings for me were genuine and she said she means it wholeheartedly. She also said she sort of just lost feelings for me. However, after this past week or so, I do not believe that she doesn’t still have feelings for me. I can’t believe that with the way she looks at me, the way she talks to me, the way she acts around me, the way she touches me, the way she laughs at almost everything I say and do. I just simply cannot believe that. If anyone actually read all of this shit, I would love to hear any thoughts or advice you have.
TLDR: I am in the situationship of hell and not exactly sure what to feel, think, or do.

Hey guys. Throwaway account because I need advice on a big decision.
I just finished my first year at Juilliard (classical music undergrad) and I’m debating transferring. After this year I’m so burnt out and feel like I’ve lost my passion for music. I took over a month off from practicing, barely made progress during the school year, and was diagnosed with depression in May (now being treated and improving). I can’t say I really missed playing my instrument during that month, and it’s been a slow start getting back into a practice routine.
I don’t have many interests outside of music. I used to want to be a vet, and started to think about that again, but this week found out I’m mildly allergic to cats and dogs (yay!). I also used to love writing stories, high school sort of ruined that for me but I think the spark might still be there. I’m decent at writing/singing songs, artwork, and I love analyzing movies/video editing. Getting involved in the film industry is interesting to me but I have no idea where I’d start. Unfortunately most of those have just as bad career prospects as classical music and I have much less experience in all of them, so pursuing anything like that is very risky.
I’m good at academics (graduated top of my class) but never liked them very much. The past few years have been spent mainly focusing on music. So I’m pretty much at a loss right now.
I have a few options so I guess I’ll just list them below.

1. Stay at Juilliard. I might suddenly regain my passion and this is the best place for me to be if I do music. I’ve quit before and restarted three years ago so it wouldn’t be the first time. This would also give me the option to apply to unrelated grad programs or med/law school if I don’t want to continue with music, as many schools accept Juilliard students as long as they have required prereqs and experience.
   
2. Go to Juilliard next year but also apply to other schools as a transfer. This would be a lot of pressure as next semester I’ll have multiple jobs and a packed schedule. I’m not sure if I can handle it, but it would give me the option to decide what to do without losing a year if I ultimately stay.
   
3. Take a gap year. This would give me the year to regroup, work to make some money, and figure out what I want to do. I could apply to other schools and explore some passions/opportunities near home that don’t relate to music. If at the end I want to stay at Juilliard, I still can without consequences.
   
4. Just fucking drop out and quit (sorry I’m just so tired right now)
   

If I did transfer, I could try pursuing another passion like non-classical music or film, or get a normal stem or liberal arts degree to have better career prospects.
Money also plays a factor. I’m on a half scholarship right now but it’s still a burden especially considering how much the tuition is rising in the next three years. My parents are of retirement age but still working to help pay for my education. Last year I was accepted to every other school I applied to on full or nearly full scholarship, but there is no guarantee that I’d receive the same money if I applied again. My parents are fine with continuing to help out with Juilliard tuition, but only if it’s where I really want to be and work hard there. The depression adds another complication, because I’m not sure if my feelings are caused by this or unfulfillment with music. It started this school year and still is an issue, though it’s been better since school ended and I went on meds.
If you got this far, thanks for reading! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Tl;dr - I’m burnt out studying classical music at Juilliard and want advice on whether to stay or transfer and do something else.

I initially had Schwab bank information entered, but it was disapproved. Instead of trying to figure out how to enter FOR FURTHER CREDIT TO information and deal with the middleman processing situation in a satisfactory way, I just opened a CapitalOne bank account since they process their own international wires.
This didn't work either, though. I just got my second disapproval. The e-mail said:
The reasons why your payee information has been disapproved are as follows. As you fall into one of the following categories, the Rehabilitation Trustee cannot make the remittance to you. (i) the receipt bank where you have an account cannot receive the international remittance (international wire transfer) and another bank is required to receive it. (ii) the remittance requires information (including the SWIFT/BIC code, national clearing code, etc.) of a bank other than the receipt bank where you have an account. (iii) In the System, the bank account information to which you would like remittance to be made contains the words such as “For Futher Credit”. In the System, you must register the bank account information to which you would like remittance to be made, including the SWIFT/BIC code, national clearing code, account numbeIBAN, name of bank, and bank location, and such bank does not fall into any of the above categories. Please correct the registered information in the System on the screen for registration of bank account as the payee information and then click the “Update” button.
Here's the relevant info I entered:
Remittance Currency: USD Remitting Bank: MUFG Account Number: [correct Capital One account number] Receipt Bank Country Code: US SWIFT/BIC: HIBKUS44 National Clearing Code: NULL Name of Bank: CAPITAL ONE,N.A. Branch Name: ROUTING NUMBER 031176110 Bank Location: 1680 Capital One Drive McLean, VA 22102-3491
I got that info from Capital One's wire pdf. I just confirmed it with a representative on the phone. I also went through items (i), (ii), and (iii) above with her; she did not think any applied to Capital One. She said that maybe the problem has something to do with MUFG and advised that I contact them.
Has anyone gotten Capital One to work for remittance? Or have any ideas on how I can receive my remittance? Not sure where to go from here since both banks I tried appear to be incompatible with the process. Should I try a third?

This is kind of a long post, but trust me: it’s a very interesting discovery I found.
Content I found in this game has never been documented, and I can't find it anymore.
For Christmas, my brother got me a bootleg “300 in 1” NES mini from China. On it, there’s tons of great games from the NES era, but there’s also tons of bootleg games. I find these hacks and bootleg interesting, and I love finding new weird ones on that console. Out of them, one of the most boring was a game titled “Small Mario”. (I did some research and found that the original title is “Xiao Ma Li”, which directly translates to “Little Mary”, but I think is supposed to mean “Small Mario” because it says that on the console and most places I’ve seen online)
Small Mario is simply a roulette casino game with Mario slapped on the cover to sell copies. Mario is nowhere to be seen in the gameplay. It’s very boring and repetitive, and you can find gameplay online of it. There was copies of this game printed, but it was included on the "300 in 1". From what I’ve researched, I think it was made around mid 90s by a company called Nei-hu and published by a company called Denji, but I’m not quite sure.
Now for the story.
About a year ago. The first time I played this game, I was quite bored of it, but it was just a weird bootleg I found so I had to try it out. I must’ve played it for about 10 minutes, until something super surprising happened.
Before I go further, I’ll have you know that this is NOT a shitpost, weird creepypasta, or troll. I swear on my life.
I don’t know what I did, but the game slid over to the right, and I was playing as Mario!! But the bizarre and funny detail about this was that he was completely nude. The Mario character in-game is a reskin of Super Mario Bros 1 (1985), except his entire body was his skin color, and between his legs there was a two pixel “appendage”. I know. Keep reading.
This happened about a year ago, and I forget some of the details, but I could walk and jump as him. I could also grow bigger into Super Mario, but he was still nude. I can’t say for certain if there was another character there, but I feel like it was Princess peach. At this point, thinking it was a pron game, I shut it off, because my 8 year old sister was watching, and forgot about the incident.
The week after, I thought about it and how weird it was. I actually thought it could’ve been a dream, but I hopped on the console, and the game was the exact same roulette game I remembered. It couldn’t have been a dream, and I haven’t been able to make the Mario game happen again. This game isn’t documented very well, but I’ve looked online for hours, and I can firmly say that NO ONE ELSE has seen this. There’s literally nothing on this part of the game.
Is there anyone that could help prove this content exists?
Game details:
“Xiao Ma Li” (Small Mario or Little Mary)
Not sure about the publishing date.
“Nei-hu” and “Denji” producers

I'll just start by saying that I actually do not believe that there are always two sides to a story. I think it's a very dangerous path to go down in situations of abuse, because it opens up opportunity to blame the victim or attempt to pick out moments in the story where someone can say "well, I can see why [the abuser] would feel or say _____" and somehow justify the abuse. But abuse is cumulative, it's often death by a thousand cuts, and victims stay in the cycle because their abusers convince them of that very same idea, that somehow they are entitled to act the way they do because [insert some flimsy exuse that deflects responsibility onto the victim here].
My backstory is my best friend was a covert narc. Shit hit the fan, she discarded me. Looking back, I can see exactly who she is. But we have many mutual friends who all still love her (and maybe still love me too, I don't know, I left the friend group), who wanted to "stay neutral." And while I understand the concept and I think that's a noble, mature stance in most situations, in the case or narcissistic abuse, this is how narcissists are able to keep doing what they do. They bank on other people being willing to stay neutral or give them a free pass. And, as abuse goes, it's very difficult for the victim to explain what happened behind closed doors because of plausible deniability, because emotional abuse is hard to spot or explain, because everything looks perfectly fine on the outside, because sometimes we don't even know what's happening until we are discarded.
I was met with most all of our shared friends saying this same thing to me-- "I don't want to get involved, I want to stay neutral" etc etc. And I was unendingly frustrated by this. I understand they don't see the truth of the narcissist, but I do now, and I needed to leave and get away from these people who don't see what I see so I could heal. And so I left my entire community (oftentimes scapegoats choose to their leave entire family for the same reason!). It's beyond painful to have to leave otherwise well-intentioned people behind because you know what you know about the narcissist, but they haven't seen it yet, and you don't know if they ever will. And when you leave, you open yourself up to the intense vulnerability of criticism and judgement from literally everyone who doesn't understand, and you trailblaze your own path, guided by the truth you have inside you. It's fucking scary, and lonely, and I can't even say I've grieved it all yet. I'm certain that those I left behind have labeled me as childish "she just wanted me to take her side" nonsense, but the truth is that we can only heal from abuse in environments where we can be fully honest about what happened to us, call it by its proper name ABUSE, and be fully believed and championed by the people surrounding us.
I've watched some reels on Instagram of people explaining their situations where they were being blatantly abused, like fully financially abused or physically abused or emotionally abused, or all of the above, and people are literally in the comments saying "there's two sides to every story..."
What the fuck??
Like a person says their spouse of nearly a decade makes $250k a year, but they have access to none of it because they are locked out of bank accounts and have to ask for money when they need it, and they don't even receive enough allowance to cover monthly bills. Blatant financial abuse. But there are people in the comments saying "well she's probably buying expensive handbags and jewelry and that's why she's cut off... there's two sides to every story..."
Another example...A woman is telling her story about how she found out her husband was cheating on her, so she confronted him and he bashed her head into a wall... There's literally people in the comments saying "well there's two sides to every story...she was probably unfaithful first..."
I struggle with this concept so much. Like...YES it's important to consider all the details, and we shouldn't just choose sides willy nilly. But at the same time, when someone is being literally abused and seeking help and support, and then they get hit with "I want to be neutral...there's two sides to every story" it just blows my mind.
Furthermore, oftentimes emotional abuse is so subtle and manipulative that we don't even realize what's happening. Sometimes its our therapist that points out, "hey, it sounds like you're being emotionally abused." Or it's our parent. Or a friend. Or a spouse who calls out an abusive friend. Whatever the case, sometimes noninvolved parties can witness what's happening from an outside view and label what's happening as abuse, and hopefully support the victim to get the hell out of dodge.
And after I was discarded, it took a few months to figure out who this covert narcissist was, but it started to click and I told my friend "that person was abusive...I'm seeing it now for what it was" and she literally said "well, I haven't had time to get to know this person yet." This same "friend" is someone who often wants to look at all sides of the story, and she watched me get bullied and exiled in the name of "staying neutral." So I left that friendship. Because I firmly believed that there wasn't two sides, and she wasn't "neutral," she was complicit.
I don't even know why I'm writing all this. My head spins when I think about this concept. Yes, of course, neutrality is good when we don't know all the details. But what about when someone - the real victim, not the one playing the victim - realizes they are being abused and needs support? And that's the scary part. Sometimes we don't know if we're dealing with the real victim or the one playing the victim, and I guess that's why we should stay neutral until we have all the information.
I am just so wary of this phrase nowadays. It's all a mindfuck.

For reference me and my friend I will be talking about are not Muslim, we are 18/19 years old and live in the US…
I’m going to start from the beginning. My friend made an online chat room where he met a women who we will call Jay. Jay lives in Africa which is a long way away from the US and a completely different time zone. Jay and my friend apparently hit it off and began talking everyday. Everyday turned into all day everyday they could. Jay is also a 27 year old women speaking with an 18 year old.
The more they talked (texting on social media platforms or voice calls) the more it became a romantic relationship. She has alway been open about being Muslim and my friend is now studying the Muslim religion for her.
I’m not sure how long this has been going on but my best guess is since December.
My friend is isolating themselves from hangouts, movie nights and is constantly on their phone texting Jay. We are worried for him.
I forgot to mention I live with this friend. I have witnessed him change himself for her (stoped eating pork, learning her native language and claiming to be straight when he is Bi). Now all of this would be fine if it wasn’t effecting me.
I miss my friend and now he can’t buy groceries or gas because he is broke? Me and my friends did the math he should have $600 left over after every month. So now we think he is being scammed to send money to her.
I’ve asked if it’s okay with her religion for them to be dating over the phone and he told me that they aren’t even dating because she isn’t allowed to. Yet he is saying he loves her and want to move over there to marry her.
Another thing, Jay isn’t her really name in really life either (it’s nickname). The insta account they chat through sometimes, only has 25 some followes and just looks like a side account but I found her real acct under her real name and and request to follow but it never got accepted. He told me that it’s her old acct but it’s clearly active.
I’m at a loss of what to do.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post this here but it's not like I'm committing a war crime, right?
I’ll delete my post after finding the person I’m looking for, so even if you find this post months later by searching up some words, don't hesitate to send me a message. If this post is still up, it means that I haven’t found someone but got tired of sharing it with no avail. I know that I would feel terrible if I were to share this post every day for months, so I will only do it for a week. Then, I will check this account from time to time to see if someone has messaged me. I’ve tried doing this in the past and although I wasn’t as blunt as I am in this post, I couldn’t really find someone like myself and don’t have much hope that I’ll find her this time either. But, I’m kinda naive and desperate when it comes to having a relationship or deeper connection with someone who is like me and with whom I could share everything, so here I’m writing this post..
Honestly, I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this post since I know that the likelihood of someone like me finding this post on Reddit is quite small but as I said above, I’m quite desperate to have a deeper connection with someone and am not the type of person who would feel satisfied just by having superficial relationships with people I’m not even similar to so trying my chance here..
Over the years, I've become better mentally (take this with a grain of salt lol) and there are things I'm still working on but I feel like my past has changed my mind in ways that it would be impossible to recover from or become 'normal' or a 'normie' again. Although I don't really understand how quickly I grow up, in some ways I feel really old and starting to feel existential dread that mostly stems from my extreme loneliness. I feel incredibly lonely but I still don't want to give up who I am for superficial relationships or friendships just so that I can feel a tiny bit of connection with someone. I crave a deeper connection with someone who is like me in most ways and who also wants the same thing. I want something where both of us can be extremely honest with our lives, struggles and thoughts and just share everything with each other, be miserable, weird and pathetic together. I feel like most people try to seem perfect to attract someone but that’s not really what I’m looking for. I’ve had a quite traumatic childhood and that really impacted my life in many ways and caused me to become basically a ‘loser’. We may argue that spending thousands of hours thinking and scrolling through the internet has its own benefits but at the end of the day, that shatters you into pieces and turns you into a really weird person. I’m attracted to other people who are losers and broken like me. I know that ‘loser’ is a very general term, but NEET, hikikomori, socially inept, depressed, lonely, weird, outcast yk whatever you call it.. I was all of them and still some of them.. I really enjoy seeing parts of myself in an another person and connecting with them through our suffering and misery.. It feels bad to say this but I feel closer to people who are also traumatized, broken, weird and a bit crazy..
I literally have no friends at the moment but I don't think making friends is a huge challenge for me. Since I'm moving to Germany next year and planning to stop being a NEET, I don’t really want to go out of my way to make friends irl. But from what I’ve observed, I don’t really struggle as much as the people in my situation when it comes to making or maintaining friendships. My problem is that I don't feel a strong connection because of my past, interests, thoughts and ways of thinking, so I tend to distance myself after feeling alienated and not feeling that deeper connection. I honestly hate superficial and basic things but I've never encountered anyone who didn't want to be my friend, so I suppose you could say that I'm a good friend?? I don’t know why I’m saying this since I don’t find this something to be proud of because at the end of the day, what being a good friend brings to your life, right? But I guess I wanted to say it in my post to seem a bit more friendly? And don’t get me wrong, I've had really bad social anxiety for years and I still do but it's not as bad as it used to be. I can be a bit obsessive and clingy if I start liking someone but that does barely happen. And when it does happen, it's not on an extreme level and I guess even ‘'normal' people like it but it could be too much for some people. I don't exactly know why I'm like this, but although I haven't been diagnosed, I suspect I may have quiet BPD or something like that. But also, I'm not mentally unstable the majority of the time, so I'm not really sure. It could just be that years of social isolation and loneliness have increased my desire to find someone like myself and that has kind of turned into a bit of an obsessive thing?? I really don't know. I also really like people who are obsessive and clingy. I know it's quite childish and unhealthy (honestly, don't care about the unhealthy part) but I've been into yanderes since my childhood. It's probably because I desire someone who would obsessively want me the way I am and love me. It’s quite cringe too but I want to be extremely honest in this post since I really do want to find someone like myself. And I'm not going to sugarcoat anything and will just write as soon as I remember something, so my post may feel like a jumbled mess.
I honestly don’t know what else I can say here but I want to say more things about myself to not give a wrong impression. Surprisingly, I’m not a sexist or a racist. I feel like it’s quite common for people who had a similar past to mine and spent hours chronically online to become those things. You may be surprised but I’m also quite surprised how I didn’t turn out to be an incel, I really do wonder that lol. I find both racism and sexism quite stupid. I mean.. A lot of men and women will whine, cry and generalize things about each other without really thinking how they behave or act and most of the time, it’s the consequence of their actions and choices. I guess it’s easier for most people to blame others so they keep doing that. As I said, I’m not an incel but for some reason I find femcels kinda attractive? Again, it’s quite cringe and even pathetic but yeah.. It probably stems from my self-hatred. A lot of guys will say that most women are into abusive/toxic guys but I’m also into women like that?.. I know it's unhealthy but I can’t really control it. I’m not going to say that you have to be a good person because I kinda find that hint of evil attractive? I obviously also like the idea of having someone loving and affectionate, but having someone toxic/abusive doesn't sound that bad for me either. I don’t know.. I’m not toxic or abusive at all but find those traits attractive for some reason (most likely because of my traumas) You don’t have to be any of those things by the way, I’m just being honest to tell as much as I can about myself. And, about racism.. I believe that certain groups of people and people from certain cultures are more likely to commit crimes, do bad things and behave in certain ways but that mostly stems from their financial situations, households, families, social circles and many other external things, so it’s not simply because of their color or race, that’s what I believe and I guess some people may even consider this as racism, but I don’t.. I’m a bit of a misanthrope though, I hate most people regardless of their gender or race. I even look down at normies from time to time.. I don’t know if I’m being narcissistic by saying this but I feel like spending thousands of hours thinking and scrolling through depths of the internet gave me a very unique way of analyzing things and thinking about them.
I guess it’s also quite rare to think this after years of brainrotting but I’m also quite fine with people being LGBT, although I don’t really agree with it politically. But yk, I don’t agree with the majority of the things politically. I don’t vote and I'm not going to vote since I don’t really have any trust in the political system and personally believe that most politicians will pick a side and act in their self interest to make the most amount of money possible. And I’m not extremely firm about most of my beliefs, I’m quite open to discuss and change them, I would prefer you to be open-minded like me too. Socially, I mostly have leftist values and economically, I also tend to lean towards the left but I don’t have enough economical knowledge to be sure about it. I like to argue and talk about it but I don’t really care who wins or not. It’s just all a show to fearmonger, divide and possibly give the illusion that people have the choice, imo. I also believe in some conspiracy theories but I’m not extremely crazy about it. It’s mostly about the political system and my distrust in it. I think that there could be aliens but there’s also a possibility of us being the only civilization in the universe. I’m also quite skeptical about the idea of god, I’m sure that the sky daddy doesn’t exist but some higher powebeing that we could not understand or comprehend might be out there, or it’s just nothingness. I’m quite scared about the afterlife and death honestly. I would like to cheat and live for a really long time, assuming that I’ve got a hold of my life and have an average life.. I’m also quite scared of aging and all that stuff. I was quite suicidal years ago and was at the brink of ending it multiple times. Fundamentally, I don’t really believe that life has a deeper meaning but I believe that it’s possible to make it meaningful for ourselves. I also kinda feel pathetic for writing this long of a post on some random site to find someone but I don’t know.. I just hope that someone would really relate to this post but also have the desire and willingness to find someone like herself? I don’t know, let’s become close friends and maybe it will evolve into something else or not.. I hopefully won't find this post cringe after reading it and change my mind to post it. I find a lot of stuff I wrote/posted in the past quite cringe and deleted a lot of them.. I don’t know if a lot of people do that..
What else… Uh.. I used to watch gore a lot when I was really depressed and now I don’t really watch it but mostly look into ‘morbid curiosity’ things.. I’m tall and a bit ugly? I look masculine but emotionally kinda feminine? I’m not sure anymore honestly, I’m way more empathetic and emotional than your average man and I guess as a man, that makes you feminine? Or maybe it doesn’t, I’m not sure but although I’m like that I’m trying to be less of it, I don’t believe that being an extremely good person in today’s society isn’t an achievement. I would prefer to keep that side of me only to my partner but I don’t know if I could be like that ever. I’m a switch (into a lot of weird stuff, you can guess that ig) but lean towards sub, especially in relationships..?? That’s what I imagine at least.. I love to cook, bake, go on walks, shitpost, brainrot, daydream and read when I’m not having an existential crisis, which is quite rare nowadays. I used to read a lot of philosophical novels and literature but kinda gave up on them after realizing that they made me sadder by forcing me to think about life and other ‘deeper’ things. I feel like I’ve told everything about myself here, especially the worst ones so you know what you’re getting into lol
I’m basically looking for someone like myself to either become close friends or become mroe (not sure how that's gonna work ecause of the potential distance between us) I don’t know if an online friend who is like me could help me with my loneliness or exaggerate it but I’m willing for anything with someone who is like me I guess. Just be like me and be honest with who you are ^
If you’ve found my post interesting and related to it in some ways, please send me a message and introduce yourself like I did in my post. Please, be honest with who you are and what you think. Tell me why you think we may be similar and I guess other things you may want to say too. I hope you won’t see sending that first message as a burden and put some effort into it because I did the same with this post

For reference me and my friend I will be talking about are not Muslim, we are 18/19 years old and live in the US…
I’m going to start from the beginning. My friend made an online chat room where he met a women who we will call Jay. Jay lives in Africa which is a long way away from the US and a completely different time zone. Jay and my friend apparently hit it off and began talking everyday. Everyday turned into all day everyday they could. Jay is also a 27 year old women speaking with an 18 year old.
The more they talked (texting on social media platforms or voice calls) the more it became a romantic relationship. She has alway been open about being Muslim and my friend is now studying the Muslim religion for her.
I’m not sure how long this has been going on but my best guess is since December.
My friend is isolating themselves from hangouts, movie nights and is constantly on their phone texting Jay. We are worried for him.
I forgot to mention I live with this friend. I have witnessed him change himself for her (stoped eating pork, learning her native language and claiming to be straight when he is Bi). Now all of this would be fine if it wasn’t effecting me.
I miss my friend and now he can’t buy groceries or gas because he is broke? Me and my friends did the math he should have $600 left over after every month. So now we think he is being scammed to send money to her.
I’ve asked if it’s okay with her religion for them to be dating over the phone and he told me that they aren’t even dating because she isn’t allowed to. Yet he is saying he loves her and want to move over there to marry her.
Another thing, Jay isn’t her really name in really life either (it’s nickname). The insta account they chat through sometimes, only has 25 some followes and just looks like a side account but I found her real acct under her real name and and request to follow but it never got accepted. He told me that it’s her old acct but it’s clearly active.
I’m at a loss of what to do.

“This geriatric bunch in cold sleep?”
“Affirmative. But their records show that they have been in cold sleep multiple times. They should respond quickly to the resuscitation procedure.”
“But, why? Wouldn’t it be more merciful to leave them in stasis while the Jaxorians intercept us?”
“Yes, but Allyson says that these individuals are the ones who might get us out of this situation.”
“The Terran engineer? You’re trusting her?”
“In a zero-sum analysis, her suggestions have net positive outcomes.”
“Just for the record, I think this is a bad idea.” A pause. “Resuscitation sequence activated.”
“Duly noted. Alert me when they are awake.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
William Exeter hated the feeling of coming to after cold sleep. While the modern systems were better than those he first encountered, he still felt like his muscles were infused with lead and that he was suffering from a hangover that he never got the enjoyment of deserving. But hopefully this would be one of the last times he would ever have to use the procedure, and he could finally settle down.
As the capsule’s lid slid back, harsh light assaulted William’s eyes, and he squinted in an attempt to lessen the pain. The silhouette of a triangular head above him let William know that a Dravitian was checking on him. He swallowed and got his voice working so he could croak out, “I’m up, I’m up.”
“Ah, Mr. Exeter, yes? I am…” The insectoid started to come into better view to the Terran’s adjusting eyes. “Captain? Yes, Captain of this ship. I am… We all are in need of assistance.”
“Uh, what?” William’s croaking voice hid some of his annoyance. “Yeah, I’m Exeter. But if you’re going to get my help, you’re going to have to get me a Jolt. I’m still half asleep from the drugs.”
The Dravitian’s head tilted to the side in an obvious gesture of confusion, “You require an electrical discharge?”
And this was why William hated waking up among aliens. He had to explain everything to them. “A drink. ‘All the sugar and twice the caffeine.’ Bah!” He started to force his muscles into action and pushed up on his elbows, “Just get me a goddamned stimulant, okay?”
“Oh, yes. Yes. Of course!” The Dravitian’s head disappeared as the insectoid moved over to a wall-mounted workstation.
William turned his head and saw several other cold-sleep capsules with their lids open. He cleared his throat and then called out, “Venture crew, sound off...”
“Here!”
I hear you, Bill.”
From a nearby capsule there was a dry coughing, but a hand in a ‘thumbs-up’ gesture rose in response.
“Well, good, I won’t have to suffer alone.” William turned his head again and looked over the other closed capsules, “But they didn’t wake everyone, so something’s up. Try to shake this shit off and get ready, okay?”
There were murmurs of ascent and more dry coughs from the other capsules.
The Dravitian come back from the workspace and addressed William, “Stimulant beverages and some cakes are on their way, Mr. Exeter. While I know that you are still under the effects of the stasis pharmaceuticals, I do need to apprise you of our need. You know of the Jaxorians, yes?”
William’s brow furrowed, “What, those crab-guys who go around in those water-suits? Didn’t we beat them in that big war?”
The Dravitian pulled back a little, “It was a negotiated settlement, I believe, but yes, your descriptive words adequately fit the Jaxorian physiology.” He paused, “Well, the Jaxorians, and their rulers the Drasalites, are once again at war, and we are now targets. I would not have woken you , but our Terran engineer was sure that you could help.”
William frowned and shook his head, “We should have finished them once and for all when we had the chance, but we have to let the Soviets fail as Soviets, don’t we?” He sighed, “And we’re humans, dammit. Homo sapiens sapiens by fuckin’ scientific classification. We once lived on Terra, but our genus and species doesn’t change when we move to another-” He noticed the paling colors on the edges of the Captain’s chitinous facial plates and stopped his Duckman-esque rant, “Look, nevermind. How much time do we have?”
The insectoid paused, as if surprised be the direct question. “We estimate a cycle, if our engineer’s modifications to the engines hold. Our speed has been dramatically increased, but the Jaxorian ships still gain slowly. We will eventually be within the effective range of their weapons. Please, direct us.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
After some of the greasy-spoon diner-ish coffee and the supermarket quality yeast-raised, honey-glazed donuts, the four Terrans looked and felt better. William glanced at his colleagues, noting the wear of time on their bodies. He chuckled as the slightly altered movie quote of ’It’s not the years, it’s the light-years’ ran through his mind. But they’d been together ‘asleep’ much longer than they’d been awake, and they’d spent more of their ‘awake’ lives together than apart.
Tony Scarpetti’s pudgy fingers tipped his cup almost upside down as he tried to get the last drops of the coffee and granulated sugar sludge into his mouth. His once black hair was now mostly white, and his tough physique that ran circles around them on the soccer field had shrunk a bit, though he was still stocky.
Peter Hoffman had finally gotten control of his coughing, and was munching on ‘just one more’ donut, and William once again wondered where Peter fit all the food he ate in that short, diminutive frame. His signature mohawk had been fluffed up with fingers, but lacking styling gel and a razor to clean up the stubble that had grown out in cold sleep, it ended up looking more like a peaked mound than the sharp style that Peter would have usually rocked.
Alex (AJ) Johnson’s hair had finally receded so much that his braid only held back reddish hair from behind his ears, though his scraggly beard was long enough that he could probably have braided it as well. Always tall and gangly, his frame seemed a little more gaunt than William remembered, though it had been almost a decade of cold-sleep travel since they had last seen each other.
“Hey, Doctor Exeter?”
William turned his head toward the voice, and looked at the young woman with blonde hair striding toward the table where the four sat around their coffee and donuts. Her utilitarian grey coveralls had scorch-marks and grime all over, and there was some of the same on her exposed hands and face, but bright teeth were visible in her smile.
William nodded, “You must be the plucky human engineer who got us woken up before our alarm went off, huh?”
The woman nodded, still smiling widely and, as she got over to the table, thrust out her hand toward William in the manner of one who just remembered something. “Yeah, sorry about that, Doctor. I’m Allyson, and I’m the only Terran on the ship. Besides you guys, that is.”
William took the extended hand and shook it, being a little more gentle than he usually would have been, given the way that the woman’s grip and lack of fluid motion showed that she wasn’t experienced in shaking hands as a greeting ritual. But she had looked it up, and that counted for something. “Well, us humans have to stick together, right? You sure you want us geezers to help you out? Don’t you have some flashy alien tech to get away from these crab guys?”
Allyson grinned as the handshake seemed to go correctly and shook her head, “Well, if you had been four guys who weren’t from the Space Venture, I would have let you sleep and hoped that I could come up with some way to escape, but well… you are, and well…” She looked at the men around the table, “You guys solve problems, right?”
“Troubleshoot.” AJ corrected, his voice still a little rough. “We’re Troubleshooters. So we’re likely to be able to fix problems on the ship, but not necessarily the situation. It gives us an out on some problems…”
Allyson’s brow furrowed, but before she could say anything, William offered, “But we’ll try and get you out of this alive, okay?” He looked over toward AJ, “No need to haze the newb, ‘kay?”
AJ chuckled and nodded, going for another sip of his coffee.
Allyson looked between the two old men and shook her head. Weren’t these guys the stuff of legends? Why didn’t they act like it? But they were what she had. What the whole ship had. Oh, the ship, right. “And we don’t really have any xenotech. This is an old decommissioned TA vessel, a combat freighter, so it’s kind of structurally overbuilt for a freighter. It was the TAV Thuban, but after being bought up by a Dravitian company it’s now the CCV K’gara B’rak. That translates to something like ‘Ugly Worker Beetle’.”
William raised an eyebrow, “I thought those bugs didn’t like old ships?”
Allyson grinned, “They couldn’t build a new ship to these durability specs at anywhere near the sale price. I think that it vexes the Captain to no end.”
Tony finally set his cup down on the table, finished fighting with the sludge, and looked at at the woman with a playful grin, “Likely to be really upset once we get going, then…”
William grinned as well, “Well, we’ll get there as we get there. So, is Skynet running things here?”
The engineer blinked and cocked her head a little in her confusion, “Skynet? Um…” Her words trailed off as she tried to decipher the meaning.
William sighed, “Artificial intelligence. Is there one running the ship?”
Allyson shook off her confusion, “Oh, uh, no. Of course there are still core hook-ups, but the company didn’t recruit one. There are some smart systems, but they don’t come up to AI levels.”
William nodded, slowly and resignedly. He looked at the other older men, “Okay, so I guess I’ll be spending my time hacking while you guys get to have some actual fun.” He looked back to the engineer and started to get up out of his chair, feeling the ache in his lower back. “Well, let’s get me to a terminal, and rummage up some walkies so we can keep in contact.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
William glowered at the large touchscreen that sat angled on its adjustable armature, and muttered, “What fresh hell is this operating system?”
The Dravitian Captain at the nearby navigation station on the ship’s bridge looked over, “Sir, this is the newest release of the Efficient Interface. While you are viewing it in Terran Standard, it is optimized for the Dravitian language.”
William shook his head, “So other than these cosmetic changes that I can get to in settings, where can I actually get to control configurations?”
The Captain pulled back its head in surprise, “What? You can’t change the control configurations! They are all optimized!”
William sighed and shook his head, “You jammed the ‘economy’ button down, so we can’t get to the ‘power’ button. Right…” He tapped open the program that accessed the file storage and began examining what was there.
After a few minutes of the bridge crew watching the Terran scroll and tap and curse in a low voice, William let out a exuberant, “Got you, you bastard!” On the touchscreen, a simple text box came up, indicating that it was a Root Command Shell, with a blinking block cursor.
William’s fingers flew over the virtual keyboard on the angled touchscreen, and another window bloomed on the screen. He slid it off to the side, then continued to tap and another window popped up. He slid it off to the top corner of the screen. In each of the windows, progress bars slid slowly from one side to another, character strings rolling down past the bottom of the window, the screen indicator on the scroll bar on the side getting smaller and smaller as the list grew and grew.
The Captain leaned over from its workstation and observed the workings on the Terran’s screen, “What is all that? I’ve never seen this option in the interface.”
William chuckled, still typing commands in the first window, “Oh, it’s a command line interface. They just slapped your interface over the military OS, and that still had lots of useful modules and programs in archive. I can bypass the ‘pretty’ GUI you guys use and actually get to controls.” He paused, “Holy hell! They left a media archive in here. Let’s get that unpacked right now!”
A new window popped up on the touchscreen, with another progress bar. William brought up yet another window, and worked inside it, and the progress bars started to move across their respective windows faster.
The Captain cocked its head, “Sir, I find fault in your judgement that what we need in this situation is media. The Jaxorians are not known for their imaginative capabilities.” It paused, “And I think your tasks are slowing down the computational processors, which again, I find fault with in these circumstances.”
William chuckled, “Well, sure it will seem slower. I made all my operations high priorities for the processors. And you can’t expect us to do our best work in silence. We’ll need a good jam.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
Allyson led the three older men through the hatch into the huge engineering bay where the three reactors were lined up with the longitudinal axis of the ship. Aft of those, the floor fell away beyond a safety railing, so that the bulk of the four huge engines could be accessed by a network of ladders, platforms, and gantries. Most of the floor was clear, but here and there hatches, tools, and parts lay askew on the deck, and wires and tube of various sizes and colors snaked between components in a way that belied the hasty, jury-rigged engineering tasks that had been recently undertaken. A couple of insectoid engineers were working on maintaining parts of the unstable system.
“And this is the playground,” offered Allyson as she spread her arms to indicate the whole open area. “We’ve got four Hammond LS-V-3400 ion drives backed by three of the Niagara-class fusion reactors. I’ve, uh, removed some of the safeties on the engines and tweaked the safety specs on the reactors, so we’re making just over five percent above rated maximum speed.”
Tony walked away from the others to lean against the safety railing and take in the sight of the engines.
Peter glanced around the area, then noticed the machining and fabrication tools and sauntered over to inspect them, hands tucked in his pockets and his boots scuffing the floor.
The two Dravitian technicians looked up from their work momentarily, apraising the Terrans, but staying quiet.
AJ made his way over to the reactors, and frowned as he looked at the readouts showing that the reactors were running hot, right on the edge of red-line. “Cutting these pretty fine.”
Allyson nodded as she looked over toward the tall man and started slowly walking toward him, “Um, yeah. I couldn’t figure out a good way to get more output from the engines, so I was just trying to route more power through them. These are still safe, but they’ll be burning up the plating faster than they should.”
AJ nodded and continued perusing, leaning down to look into an open hatch and seeing how one of the patched in high-energy line had been connected.
Tony continued to watch the engines and called, “Hey, Allyson, these still work with Cherenkov dispersal for additional thrust?”
Allyson quickly changed her trajectory to veer away from reactors and back toward the engines, “Uh, yeah, they do. There are controllers in there that help to make the emissions more directional.” She got to the railing and pointed at an orange ring that was visible on each engine right near the aft bulkhead. “Those big electromags help control the dispersal. I have plans and simulations on the computer if you want to see how they work.”
Tony peered in the indicated direction, then nodded and turned toward Allyson, “Yeah, get me to a terminal with some VR goggles and I’ll take a lo-” His voice cut off at the sudden sound from the engineering bay’s speakers.
A syncopated drum beat sounded over the hum of the machinery, then came an almost gravelly yell-singing voice. ”Come on, feel the noise. Girls, rock your boys. We’ll get wild, wild, wild.”
Allyson’s surprised gaze swept up to the big speakers mounted in the corners of the room by the ceiling.
Grins and smiles grew on the faces of the three older men, and they all joined in with the words as an electric guitar sawed into being and the rest of the band added their voices to the lead singer on a response answer of “Wild, wild, wild!” And then the drums picked up and the rest of the instruments kicked in, bringing the song fully into swing.
The singer continued as Peter’s hands played air-drums over a CNC machine’s working space, ”So you think I got an evil mind. I tell you, honey, I don’t know why. I don’t know why.”
Allyson had never heard the song, but the beat was compelling, and it somehow invigorated the men in a way she hadn’t expected. Just out of cold sleep, in the midst of an inevitable chase, with such limited resources, they were singing along with smiles on their faces. AJ was tapping on a reactor interface, and Peter was almost dancing as he poked about her workbench storage space, going over her tools, a screwdriver and electric ratchet stem in his hands as drumsticks for his air-drums.
The Dravitian technicians huddled in a fearful pose at the sudden noise.
Tony grinned widely at Allyson’s surprise, and said loudly over the music, “William’s got good taste for montage music… Show me that terminal.”
-=-=-=-=-=-
The Captain looked over to the Terran’s workspace which was now exhorting somebeing to ‘get wild, wild, wild’ over and over again. It seemed to have some detrimental affect on the older Terran, as its head was bobbing up and down as it continued to work with the code. The insectoid in command just had to say something. “Excuse me, sir. Are you sure that the distracting audio stimulation is beneficial for you? It does not seem to be related to your current task …”
William glanced over at the Dravitian, “Look, bug-boy, the music keeps my endorphins up, and tricks me into thinking I still have all the energy of a teenager. You’re just lucky that I know what my crew likes, and that this archive is low on industrial music.” He pauses and types intensely, then continues, “So no, it’s not related, but if you really want a chance to get away from those crab-guys, this music tips the scales in our favor, okay?”
The Captain abruptly looked back to its console. “Affirmative answer, sir.”
William nodded to himself, and cocked his head as he read something off the screen. “So, a bunch of the cargo is plasma generators for terraforming?” He looked over to the insectoid who was pointedly not looking at him. “Are those things as dangerous as they sound?”
-=-=-=-=-=-
“Hey guys!” William’s voice echoed from the big loudspeakers in the engineering bay as the song came to an end.
“Yo boss!” Peter called up toward the ceiling from the tool bench where he had accumulated a selection of choice tools.
“I got control of the control code up here. Some of it’s military code under all this glossy shit. What have you guys got back there?”
Tony stood amidst a holographic simulation of an engine, and called out, “We got some damped down ion engines. The design is like the old McPherson Mark Five, and I think I can flare ‘em up the same way. Gimme six hours or so.”
AJ looked up toward the ceiling after Tony finished, “These fusion reactors are running flat out, Bill. I’m thinking about patching up a capacitor bank so we can push things farther, or at least have some extra power when we need it. Three or four hours, depending on how easy I can find the parts.” he paused, “And I’m officially putting in a request for you to put something dance-able on your wheel of steel.”
Peter called out, “And I’m just waiting for these slackers to tell me what they need. But I’m all tooled up for just about anything they want.” He grinned playfully at the other two.
William’s chuckle came over the speaker, “Gotcha. Those sound like good projects. We get a powerful flare, we’ve got a chance to run.” He paused, “Allyson, you there too?”
Allyson, still near the holographic engine display, had been turning her head this way and that to try and follow the conversation and understand what the forming plan of the ‘troubleshooters’ was. She forced herself to call out, “Yes, Dr. Exeter.”
William’s voice came from the speakers, “Okay, Allyson, I need you to take Pete down to Cargo Bay Three and help him uncrate all of the plasma terraforming engines you can find there. Pete, I want those things sky-side against the outer wall of Bay Two and fastened in place. If we need power for them, I want you to run a line back to AJ’s source, and it will need to be vacuum sealed. We’re likely to depressurize that bay so try not to make too many unnecessary holes, okay?” He paused, “And don’t worry, that bay has some speakers too. I won’t leave you silent …”
Peter grinned and nodded, then started to load tools onto a nearby hovercart. As he worked, he called out, “On it, boss! Do they have any Ramones or Dead Kennedys or anything with more energy in that jukebox? That’s my request, Mr. DJ.”
William’s voice carried his chuckle, “I’m on it, guys. I’ll keep you updated, you guys let me know the word. Out.”
As the beats of New Order’s Blue Monday started to bounce around the engineering bay, Peter looked over at Allyson, “Hey, give me a hand with some of this. We need to bounce!”
Allyson registered the words and jogged across the bay to the hovercart, “Sorry, sir, we have to ‘bounce’?”
Peter chuckled, still pulling tools from the bench to add to the load. “We have to get moving. Can we bring that welder and thermal lance, or is there a better option?”
Allyson let out a quiet ‘oh’, then shook her head, “There’s a backpack unit that can cut and weld. Much easier to move.” She pulled open a a nearby locker.
Peter grinned, “Oh, sweet! Are there two?”

For reference me and my friend I will be talking about are not Muslim, we are 18/19 years old and live in the US…
I’m going to start from the beginning. My friend made an online chat room where he met a women who we will call Jay. Jay lives in Africa which is a long way away from the US and a completely different time zone. Jay and my friend apparently hit it off and began talking everyday. Everyday turned into all day everyday they could. Jay is also a 27 year old women speaking with an 18 year old.
The more they talked (texting on social media platforms or voice calls) the more it became a romantic relationship. She has alway been open about being Muslim and my friend is now studying the Muslim religion for her.
I’m not sure how long this has been going on but my best guess is since December.
My friend is isolating themselves from hangouts, movie nights and is constantly on their phone texting Jay. We are worried for him.
I forgot to mention I live with this friend. I have witnessed him change himself for her (stoped eating pork, learning her native language and claiming to be straight when he is Bi). Now all of this would be fine if it wasn’t effecting me.
I miss my friend and now he can’t buy groceries or gas because he is broke? Me and my friends did the math he should have $600 left over after every month. So now we think he is being scammed to send money to her.
I’ve asked if it’s okay with her religion for them to be dating over the phone and he told me that they aren’t even dating because she isn’t allowed to. Yet he is saying he loves her and want to move over there to marry her.
Another thing, Jay isn’t her really name in really life either (it’s nickname). The insta account they chat through sometimes, only has 25 some followes and just looks like a side account but I found her real acct under her real name and and request to follow but it never got accepted. He told me that it’s her old acct but it’s clearly active.
I’m at a loss of what to do.

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When I try and login to my linkedin account in a new browser I am getting a Security Verification where it is asking for a 6 digit number sent to my email. When I enter the code it sends tells me to check the linkedin app. I check the app on my phone and it asks me if I am trying to reset my password. I can respond with yes or no and either way my browser goes back to the Security Verification asking for another code. When I enter the code it sends me back to the phone app. This happens over and over. I have also tried to reset my password on my phone app but I can't remember my password, so I get the Security Verification and after answering it I get a message saying "Oh no! Something went wrong..."
How can I get out of this security verification loop and get my password changed so I can log into linked in in a new browser?

Well, I've heard if Cisco Easter Eggs, but this is a weird one.
I work at a local ISP for my region, and we have one of our employees working on getting the hardware ready for infrastructure upgrades. One of the devices he's working on is a Catalyst 3750.
Well, he sent us a copy of the startup config file and most of it is this strange conspiracy story.
Has anyone seen anything like this before?

POST: CPU MIC register Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC register Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Waiting for Stack Master Election...
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: No Cable found on stack port 1
POST: No Cable found on stack port 2
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Election Complete
Switch 1 booting as Master
Waiting for Port download...Complete
This product contains cryptographic features and is subject to United
States and local country laws governing import, export, transfer and
use. Delivery of Cisco cryptographic products does not imply
third-party authority to import, export, distribute or use encryption.
Importers, exporters, distributors and users are responsible for
compliance with U.S. and local country laws. By using this product you
agree to comply with applicable laws and regulations. If you are unable
to comply with U.S. and local laws, return this product immediately.
A summary of U.S. laws governing Cisco cryptographic products may be found at:
http://www.cisco.com/wwl/export/crypto/tool/stqrg.html
If you require further assistance please contact us by sending email to
export@cisco.com.
cisco WS-C3750G-12S (PowerPC405) processor (revision R0) with 131072K bytes of memory.
Processor board ID CAT1125ZKHZ
Last reset from power-on
1 Virtual Ethernet interface
12 Gigabit Ethernet interfaces
The password-recovery mechanism is enabled.
512K bytes of flash-simulated non-volatile configuration memory.
Base ethernet MAC Address : 00:1C:B0:2F:D1:00
Motherboard assembly number : 73-9678-07
Power supply part number : 341-0048-03
Motherboard serial number : CAT11255C25
Power supply serial number : LIT11140GE6
Model revision number : R0
Motherboard revision number : B0
Model number : WS-C3750G-12S-E
System serial number : CAT1125ZKHZ
Top Assembly Part Number : 800-26634-04
Top Assembly Revision Number : A0
Version ID : V06
CLEI Code Number : CNM81W0GRB
Hardware Board Revision Number : 0x06
Switch Ports Model SW Version SW Image
* 1 12 WS-C3750G-12S 12.2(55)SE10 C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M
This message serves as a warning to the US government that they cannot get away ^with having their own citizens
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stalked, kidnapped, tortured, brain damaged and murdered by foreign intelligence ^ agencies .
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Request an investigation by the German government and the Council of Europe!
^
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Location of Turkish President Erdogan's illegal black site for terror suspects i ^n G ermany: 48.345941, 12.137753
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Is the CIA stalking and murdering ISIS terror suspects?
^
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Microwave weapons, group stalking and harassment ("gangstalking"), neurotoxins, ^hitmen, an illegal Turkish black site, Delta Force, and an airport kidnapping: A
true story
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QUOTES
^
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"If you were in the US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will ^ commit you to a hospital instead" - Turkish police officer
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"When you get deported to the US, don't piss off the CIA officers like you d ^id with Erdogan (the Turkish president)" - Man at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"The doctors here are trying to protect us from the psychos up at the top" - ^ Woman a t KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"You're lucky that the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have b ^een wors e. The Turks usually don't kill" - Woman at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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NOTES
^
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Anyone with access to Europol or INTERPOL should be able to confirm that the ^ FBI se nt out a request/warning in 2017. You might not be able to view the detai
ls of this request unless you have the right handling code/password
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Nothing shows up for my name when it's searched in Law Enforcement Enterpris ^e Port al (LEEP). This is deliberate as the FBI is hiding my records to cover up
the terrorism investigation and everything else.
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The Federal Criminal Police Office (Bundeskriminalamt) and Bavarian State Po ^lice bo th refuse to start an investigation due to political reasons, despite the
fact that many other people, mostly Turkish citizens, were kidnapped within Ger
many by fake po
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ice and brain damaged at the black site.
^
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I (John Erin Binns / CIA code name RAVEN) have been an ISIS terror suspect since ^ 2017.
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It began when an FBI Confidential Human Source whom I met online (Azaiah Crosswh ^ite / moda) gave my Skype account to his handler. The FBI then sent an administr
ative subpoena to Microsoft and obtained my email address, which I had previousl
y reused on my
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
S passport application in 2016. An alert was also sent through the Europol Infor ^mation System to 16 countries in Europe stating that I was a terror suspect.
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On October 11, 2017, Arthur Gong from the US Department of Homeland Security int^errogated me about allegedly travelling to Latakia, Syria while I was waiting to
board a flight from London Heathrow Airport to Chicago Airport. When my plane l
anded in Chicag
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, I was flagged for secondary screening (See Exhibit A) and asked more questions^. My citizen ship was questioned, and the CBP officer got angry after I told him
that not answering his questions doesn't make me inadmissible to the US.
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In early 2018, I left the United States and moved to Turkey. Soon after, strange ^ things s tarted happening to me. Kenneth Currin Schuchman (Nexus Zeta), a dual F
BI/CIA informant who was given a pound of heroin by federal agents to inform on
me, attempted t
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
entrap me on child pornography and terrorism charges while I was drunk.
^
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Schuchman tried persuading me into buying Stinger missiles and guns from a Tor w ^ebsite wh ich would be shipped in "xray proof boxes" (those don't even exist) to
my location. When that failed, he tried getting me to open a website which likel
y had exploit c
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de on it (he specifically told me to open it in Chrome) and then told me that he ^ knew of some good "Tor porn sites". When I asked him what type of porn was on t
hese websites, Schuchman replied that they contained child porn.
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Then, Schuchman told me in a call that Dingle/Drake/Logan Shwydiuk was going to ^come to my house and kill me, and asked me what I'd do if he came to my house. I
was drunk at the time, and I told Schuchman that I'd kill Shwydiuk. I suspect t
hat Schuchman w
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s recording this call for the FBI so that they could use it as evidence against ^me in a fabricated terrorism investigation.
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Around this time, I noticed that two Western males wearing white shirts and sung ^lasses wou ld frequently visit an apartment building behind the one I live in.
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Several days after I reported Schuchman to the DEA for selling heroin and right ^after he t ried entrapping me on computer fraud charges, he was indicted in the D
istrict of Alaska.
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That's when the harassment started...
^
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My phone was hacked by Turkish intelligence/MIT using some type of 0-click SMS R ^CE and GPS tracking spyware was planted on it. My phone's GPS feature would turn
on without my consent, and several minutes later, a flash mob of "street thugs"
would be block
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ng the sidewalk and shouting death threats at me. Sometimes, they'd just walk up ^ to me hold ing their cell phone in one hand and screaming death threats at the s
ame time. (Street theateGangstalking)
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I received more death threats than I can count, probably close to 100 from diffe ^rent sta lkers over the course of a few months.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Now about the Western males: I saw them wearing night vision goggles on several ^occasions, they'd constantly harass me and illegally surveil me on Turkish terri
tory up until I called the police.
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Harassment from CIA contractors:
^
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I woke up and a male was pointing a microwave oven with the door removed at ^my sl eeping body from my neighbor's balcony. I was actually half-awake with my e
yes open and I could see the guy bringing the oven out onto the balcony and plug
ging it into an
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extension cable. Another time, somebody pointed a microwave oven magnetron with ^a metal ho rn at my body to shock me (I saw this as well). The neighbor was on va
cation and the men were not authorized to be in that unit, so they likely broke
in using lockpi
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king equipment.
^
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A red laser pointer was shined into my room using a gun scope from my neighb ^or's first floor unit. I went out onto my balcony and saw a guy doing this. When
the guy saw me, he quickly closed the blinds and started laughing. The unit was
being renovate
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at the time and the men were not authorized to be there.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
A microwave weapon was pointed at my head which caused me to black out momen ^taril y and see white flashes of light. The same device would cause me to feel ex
tremely paranoid and make my heart rate speed up. I remember that it had buttons
and a cord. It
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
was about the size of a small desktop computer.
^
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Somebody was pointing a laser microphone at my bedroom window from the same ^first f loor unit. I was in a telephone call with someone else, and Azaiah Crossw
hite started repeating parts of this conversation back to me over Snapchat as an
intimidation/g
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
slighting tactic. Crosswhite also got private pictures from my bedroom and poste ^d them on h is Snapchat story.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Window/door slamming: This would happen constantly whenever I was in my bedr ^oom or o ut on my balcony. Sometimes one of the guys would slam a window/door and
microwave me right after it happened.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Sabotage: The phone lines in my apartment building and the entrance door cab ^le wer e both cut.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Use of pulsed energy projectile weapons: I saw one of the guys holding a gun ^-shap ed device, when he fired it, a ball of energy came out of the weapon and ma
de the windows in my bedroom shake.
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Information: The microwave weapons that are used by intelligence agencies to ^day co nsist of: a millimeter wave amplifier, a transmitter with extremely low fr
equency amplitude modulation, batteries, and a horn antenna/waveguide. Using dif
ferent modulati
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n frequencies, effects such as tachycardia, panic attacks, epileptic seizures, p ^aranoia, REM sleep can be induced. They are the perfect tool for covert harassme
nt as they leave no trace. See Exhibit B for a picture of a microwave weapon.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Azaiah Crosswhite would make comments over Discord such as "[the CIA] are going ^to send me a copy of your destruction video", "your name is Cock Sucker", and "y
our code name is RAVEN". He'd also encourage me to murder the people who were ha
rassing me, go
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
n a mass shooting spree, or commit suicide.
^
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These are all goals of the government stalking program which I was a victim of, ^according t o an article by Julianne McKinney, who is a former US army intelligen
ce officer and member of the Association of National Security Alumni. See: https
://www.bibliote
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
apleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_mindcon28.htm .
^
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I called the police a few days before July 1, 2019. When the officers came, one ^of them s aid that I "talk too much" and that I should "keep [my] mouth shut".
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Then, intense microwave harassment started. I would hear footsteps in the unit a ^bove mine a nd my sleep would be disrupted due to the weapon that Turkish intelli
gence was using on me.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
On July 1, 2019, a man I didn't know started asking me questions such as "If som^ebody was ca ught selling illegal alcohol, what political party would that person
be from?". He also made comments implying that I had been under surveillance by
Turkish intell
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
gence for a while, and warned me that the Turkish government had prepared a trap^ for me.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Several minutes later, an elderly man from my neighborhood named Ozkan came and ^asked me i f I was the "exit/cikis". (exit/cikis is a term for the illegal killin
g of a terrorist by Turkish intelligence). He took me to his apartment and told
me to visit Kon
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
k Ferry Station. I went to Bostanli Ferry Station and boarded a ferry to Konak. ^After the ferry started going to Konak, I overheard 3 men in a row near me talki
ng about how they were hired to kill me and that they'd dump my body in the ocea
n because I was
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
allegedly an ISIS member.
^
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Once the ferry arrived at Konak, I immediately got a random person to dial 112 a^nd faked hav ing medical problems. An ambulance came to the ferry station, and I
was taken to Alsancak Nevvar Salih Isgoren Hospital. I told the emergency room d
octors that the
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e was nothing wrong with me, they ran my ID card through the emergency room comp ^uter, and my name came up as a wanted terrorist.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I overheard the doctors talking about the fact that Azaiah Crosswhite's name cam ^e up on t he emergency room computers and that my name was changed to "Cock Sucke
r" in some type of database which they had access to.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Police lights shined into the emergency room and I heard sirens as around 5 poli ^ce cars came to the hospital along with Turkish intelligence. I was given 2 inje
ctions of haldol, and a guy next to my bed who worked for Turkish intelligence c
alled somebody
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
n his cell phone whom he referred to as "Erdogan". Maybe it was the Turkish pres ^ident? I don't know..
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The doctors kept me in the hospital until the next morning and I was then releas ^ed.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Several days later, I was in Gultepe, Konak, at a relative's house, and people w ^ere firing gunshots into the air while somebody would use a microwave weapon to
make me feel like my head was going to explode. I saw people on a nearby rooftop
, they had guns
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
(which they were constantly firing) and camouflage clothing. Whenever I'd get mi^crowaved, my phone would lose cell service and the camera would blur.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
While this was happening, I tried to contact somebody I barely knew who worked a^t the US Dep artment of Justice for help.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
As soon as I had a mental breakdown due to the constant gunfire and microwaving, ^ the gunfir e and microwave attacks immediately stopped. Two street thugs then at
tacked me (I believe that Turkish intelligence paid them money to do this) and p
revented me fro
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
going home in a taxi.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I called the police and they came rather quickly. When one of the police officer ^s looked up the information on my ID card through a mobile app on his phone, he
saw something in the police database. I was told by a Turkish police officer: "I
f you were in t
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will take you to a hospita ^l instea d". Fortunately, there were no beds available at the local hospital so I
was allowed to go home in a taxi.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
After I went home, the microwave harassment continued, and I went to Cesme a few ^ days later . The harassment continued there as well.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I decided that I had to leave the country as the Turkish secret services were ag ^gressive ly pursuing me. On July 6, 2019, I boarded flight PC1019 from Sabiha Gok
cen Airport to Munich Airport. About 30 minutes after my flight took off, I noti
ced that the ma
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e and female in the row behind my seat were talking about me. The female was say ^ing that i t was sad that they had to kill me with a poison needle and that my re
al name wasn't given to them by MIT for security reasons. I immediately notified
a cabin crew m
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
mber of their plot, and I was taken to another seat.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The cabin crew member assured me that the German police had been notified, but o ^nce the pla ne landed, she grabbed me by my arm and told me to listen to my mothe
r while warning me not to contact the German police. I believe that she was affi
liated with MIT
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I gave a member of the Bundespolizei (immigration police) a piece of paper expla ^ining tha t I was being harassed with a microwave gun by Turkish intelligence, bu
t I was not given the opportunity to tell the Bundespolizei my full story. A fak
e Bavarian Stat
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Police officer then came and took me past immigration to the police station. I ^was pu t in a cell, and I noticed that all of the "officers" were speaking Turkis
h, ALL of them. I strongly suspect that an insider within the police force let T
urkish intellig
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
nce into the station. I don't know if that insider is the commissar or someone e ^lse.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
One of them was calling me stupid in Turkish, and they were all discussing what ^they should do with me. "Ausganging"/killing me was discussed as an option, but
the fake police eventually decided to send me to a mental hospital. I was given
some forms to s
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
gn, and I had no idea where I was being taken at the time. I signed the paperwor^k as I didn' t want to get ausganged/killed. I then heard the fake police discuss
ing in Turkish that I was lucky to be going to a mental hospital, as they usuall
y kill ISIS sus
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ects.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
A few minutes after I boarded the ambulance, I realized that something was wrong ^. A male and female who were in the ambulance with me started talking about my a
lleged cybercrimes and about somebody named Rosenberg who "wanted blood". Once t
he ambulance ar
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ived at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2 (48.345941, 12.137753), the same fake police ^officer who took me past immigration told the staff to fry my brain with gas and
that I'd then be transported to Anchorage International Airport.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Then, four Turkish men came and forcibly put me in the neurotoxic gas room (whic ^h doubles a s a suicide watch room). My shoes were taken off (so that I couldn't
break down the door and escape), and a worker activated a metal fan. A gas which
smelled like f
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
rmaldehyde then started to come out of the fan. I saw graffiti on the walls of t ^he gas roo m, all of the names that were carved into the walls were Turkish, and
I realized that I was at some type of illegal Turkish black site on German terri
tory. During th
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
s time, Turkish intelligence was livestreaming the gas room camera to a group of ^ CIA i nformants (Azaiah Crosswhite, Jared Fazah, Justin Anglin) as a "destructio
n video". Azaiah Crosswhite had previously stated "[the CIA] are going to send m
e a copy of you
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
destruction video".
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Jared Fazah had taken a $500,000 Bitcoin bribe to sell me out a few days before ^I was kidnap ped, while Justin Anglin is a CIA agent who has previously been to I
ran and other middle eastern countries. They were all talking about the livestre
am in a Discord
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
server, sadly I don't have any screenshots as they were mysteriously deleted fro ^m my com puter (it may have been hacked).
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
One hour after I was put in the gas room, a staff member came and turned off the^ fan in my r oom. This is the only reason why I don't suffer from brain damage to
day. I was saved by that staff member.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
About 3 hours after I was put in the gas room, I heard a helicopter hovering abo ^ve the fake mental hospital. This helicopter may have belonged to the US militar
y, but at the time I thought it belonged to the Bundeskriminalamt (Federal Crimi
nal Police Offi
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e) and that they were coming to save me.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I banged on the door of the gas room and screamed for the police to come and sav ^e me, but nobody came.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
In the early morning hours of July 7, 2019, a Turkish doctor came into the room ^with a f lashlight. She commented aloud in Turkish that "[I] was made to rot". Th
en, a female CIA agent came into the room with my mother while I was pretending
to be mentally
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
isabled. The doctors brought me chocolate milk and pizza, and the CIA agent star ^ted talkin g about how I'd be indicted by a grand jury in the District of Alaska
and forced into a plea deal for over 10 years in prison. That I'd be found menta
lly incompetent
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
and have no choice but to take the plea deal, sending me to prison for a long ti ^me.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The CIA agent declined to give my mother her real name and talked about previous ^ly living i n Australia. She had an Eastern European accent and told my mother to
throw away any receipts or evidence indicating that she was in the town of Tauf
kirchen, and to
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
keep her cell phone turned off.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The lady also told my mother that a US senator (I don't remember the senator's e ^xact name) wanted to meet with her. In 2018, Kenneth Currin Schuchman had told m
e that "a senator can order the killing of a US citizen in some cases" and told
one of my frien
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
s that a US senator wanted to kill me. Nobody believed him back then, including ^me. I sti ll don't know who this senator is or why he wants me killed. (Note: Ken
neth Currin Schuchman has been repeatedly thrown in mental hospitals, and his fa
ther Robert Sch
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
chman currently has guardianship over him).
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The lady left and I slept for a few hours in the neurotoxic gas room/suicide wat ^ch room. Th en after I woke up, a staff member woke up and unlocked the door. I w
as allowed to leave, and that's when the torture started. An African lady was pl
aying back a re
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ording of me in the gas room on one of the hospital computers and laughing at it^. The same l ady would also play screaming noises and the Turkish word for mental
ly retarded ("gerizekali") over a loudspeaker connected to the computer, and use
a microwave we
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
pon which looked like a stereo speaker to give me epileptic seizures. I do remem ^ber that t he weapon was brought to the hospital in a large briefcase by men work
ing for Turkish intelligence.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I met other people who were being held at the hospital. One lady told me "You're ^ lucky th at the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have been worse.
The Turks usually don't kill". She also claimed to be a spy.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I borrowed a cell phone from one of the other patients and called the police. On ^ce I told them that I was being held at a fake mental hospital run by the Turkis
h secret services, I was told that I "belonged in [the hospital]" by a German po
lice officer an
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
they never responded to my emergency call.
^
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SETUP: new interface Vlan1 placed in "shutdown" state
Press RETURN to get started!
*Mar 1 00:01:17.242: %STACKMGR-4-SWITCH_ADDED: Switch 1 has been ADDED to the stack
*Mar 1 00:01:18.752: %LINEPROTO-5-UPDOWN: Line protocol on Interface Vlan1, changed state to down
*Mar 1 00:01:20.102: %SPANTREE-5-EXTENDED_SYSID: Extended SysId enabled for type vlan
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %PARSER-4-BADCFG: Unexpected end of configuration file.
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %SYS-5-CONFIG_I: Configured from memory by console
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-5-SWITCH_READY: Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01
Switch>
Switch>:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 1 Switch 1 has changed to state DOW N
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 2 Switch 1 has changed to sta te DOWN
*Mar 1 00:01:55.183: %STACKMGR-5-MASTER_READY: Master Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01:55.477: %SYS-5-RESTART: System restarted --
Cisco IOS Software, C3750 Software (C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M), Version 12.2(55)SE10, RELEASE SOFT WARE (fc2)
Technical Support: http://www.cisco.com/techsupport
Copyright (c) 1986-2015 by Cisco Systems, Inc.
Compiled Wed 11-Feb-15 11:40 by prod_rel_team
*Mar 1 00:01:55.511: %SSH-5-ENABLED: SSH 1.99 has been enabled
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PHY-4-SFP_NOT_SUPPORTED: The SFP in Gi1/0/8 is not supported
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/8, putting Gi1/ 0/8 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %GBIC_SECURITY_CRYPT-4-VN_DATA_CRC_ERROR: GBIC in port Gi1/0/12 has bad crc
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/12, putting Gi1 /0/12 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.719: %LINK-5-CHANGED: Interface Vlan1, changed state to administratively dow n
Switch>en
Switch#conft
Translating "conft"...domain server (255.255.255.255)
% Unknown command or computer name, or unable to find computer address
Switch#show run
Building configuration...
Current configuration : 988 bytes
!
version 12.2
no service pad
service timestamps debug datetime msec
service timestamps log datetime msec
no service password-encryption
!
hostname Switch
!
boot-start-marker
boot-end-marker
!
!
!
!
no aaa new-model
switch 1 provision ws-c3750g-12s
system mtu routing 1500
vtp domain Null
vtp mode transparent
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
spanning-tree mode pvst
spanning-tree extend system-id
!
vlan internal allocation policy ascending
!
vlan 61
name fttx
!
!
!
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/1
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/2
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/3
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/4
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/5
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/6
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/7
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/8
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/9
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/10
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/11
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/12
!
interface Vlan1
no ip address
shutdown
!
ip classless
ip http server
ip http secure-server
!
!
!
!
!
line con 0
line vty 5 15
!
end

We had been dating for a few months, my first real relationship since my separation (working on amicable divorce), and we became exclusive about 2 months ago.
Playing the field has not been difficult for me, I have kept myself in decent shape, etc., and have a fairly outgoing personality and slightly self-deprecating sense of humor which has served me well over the years before and now after marriage.
This woman I knew very casually from some years ago and we sort of lost touch for no valid reason (I was married at the time and I am not a cheater). I saw her getting out of her car early last fall, reached out a few days later and one thing led to another.
As I got to know her I learned she always quirky, but is a sweetheart and we were very compatible in various ways, putting it politely. She wasn't my type generally and has an adult special needs child who cannot live independently. Not exactly an easy sell on 50+ dating scene.
Little by little we began spending more time together and I began to fall for her. She was dating one other guy but swore it was casual, I keep away from people in a relationship.
Everything went fine, buy as fall turned into winter I noticed a lot of odd behavior. She would get into a full and go dark for a few days at a time, but was always reassuring that it was how she has always been and not to take it personally. Then she would go into what I can only describe as "overdrive" and go on a 24+ hour bender of mostly booze and stay up for two days. But in-between the two she was an angel, good heart, loved animals, we clicked politically and she was okay with my situation. Ms. In-Between is who I fell for.
So finally she was diagnosed bipolar and put on meds. They seemed to work and she realized she was better and said she would stay on them. She then didn't like the side effects and went off. Then she was diagnosed again and given different meds, same story with the same result.
The in-between periods started to get short and shorter and the drinking started to increase. Then a wave of paranoia hit. Her ex was hacking her electronics (100% he wasn't), the local cops were doing it (ditto, not happening) but it never rose beyond the level of her half-joking about it.
We planned a long weekend getaway, did a nice VRBO and after a few days it fell apart. She woke up one morning in a state, and couldn't find her medication (not prescribed for bipolar). She then started accusing me of hiding it. Of course after carefully searching the VRBO I found it, and was accused of hiding it so I could be a hero finding it. Then she laid some more bizarre accusations on me, we had some words, and she stormed off.
I saw her the next day at the airport looking haggard and somewhat intoxicated still in this weird state. She added a few more ridiculous accusations against me related to her phone. When we landed she basically took off. It was clear it was over (duh) and she even blocked me on her phone.
In between the storming off and seeing her again she sent me multiple screens of texts calling me all sorts of names, really personal (but not accurate) nasty insults about our sex life, etc.
We last saw eachother Tuesday. It's over, I need all those trouble like I need another hole in my head, I get that. She has an appointment with a new psych.later in June I was waiting to see if that worked but had in my mind this wasn't for me before our trip.
So why can I not get her put of my mind. She hasn't called or text me. I certainly am not going to reach out. But I am super down and feel a little lost. We used to text every day, starting with a hello in the morning until late at night. We were fine Monday and I am in disbelief how we went from so hot to not in literally 12 hours over nothing.
Sorry for the rant. I have never dealt with anyone on a personal level with serious, and clearly worsening, mental issues, but was really falling for her and she would tell me the same thing.
Anyone have any advice other than count my blessings it ended sooner rather than later?

I still can log in to my account using phone number verification process, but I want to change my email address associated to my account as my old one is hacked and all notifications are going to that email. Their online tool to update address is sending verification link to my old address, how can I add a new address without touching the old one?

I currently have a Wealthfront checking account, auto-investing account, and Roth IRA. The only thing keeping me on Wealthfront is the high yield of the checking account. However, as rates cool down, there's nothing keeping me there besides the ease of use of the app. I want to move to a more mature platform, and some friends and family have had great experiences with Schwab. So, I have a few questions about how Schwab works compared to Wealthfront:

1. Auto-investing allocations: In Wealthfront, I can easily specify exactly which ETFs I want to invest in and what percentage of my portfolio's assets should be dedicated to each, like this. Is it as easy to manage your Schwab Intelligent Portfolio like this?
2. IRA allocations: In Wealthfront, it works exactly like the auto-investing account. Does it work the same way for Schwab?
3. Auto cash transfers: In Wealthfront, I can automatically put a set amount into my IRA every month. Then, I have it set to transfer all extra cash over a certain amount to my auto-investing account. Can you do this with Schwab?
4. Net worth tracking: With Wealthfront, I can link my credit cards to monitor my spending (RIP Mint). Does Schwab have this functionality? It's not a necessity, but it's a nice-to-have.
5. Ease of switching platforms: It's pretty straightforward how I'd move my checking account, but I'm not sure how transferring my existing auto-investing and IRA portfolios would work. Do you have any idea how this process works? Otherwise, I'm sure their support would be more than happy to help a new customer figure all that out just to get my business lol.

Thanks for any info you can provide!

https://archive.ph/J9bA6
Only those of very hard hearts can fail to admire Beth, the heroine of Walter Tevis’s magnificent novel, and now a popular television series, The Queen’s Gambit. We love the idea of her, a girl who makes good, starting off from very modest beginnings. She overcomes alcohol and drug addictions and rises to the very top of her profession: chess.
But Beth’s story raises the question as to why there are so few female champion chess players.
At time of writing, there are 1,731 chess grandmasters, the acknowledged leaders in their field. In order to enter this honored company, a player needs to have attained a 2500 Elo rating from the International Chess Federation at any point in their career, and earned two favorable tournament results, referred to as norms. For some perspective, my own rating was around 1700 when I played in tournaments, which means I barely know which way the knight moves, so any grandmaster who couldn’t beat me with queen odds ought to be ashamed of himself.
How many women currently hold the grandmaster title? Only 37 as of January 2021. That’s just 2 percent. There are several hypotheses bruited about to account for this gargantuan disproportion.
1. Sexism
Sexism is the explanation offered by all too many reviewers of The Queen’s Gambit, yet there was only one instance of it in the book. Namely, when the then unrated Beth Harmon entered her first tournament. Relegated to the female section, her first two opponents were women. That is hardly a ringing endorsement for the sexism hypothesis.Are there any “male only” chess tournaments? Not to my knowledge, at least not for the last three decades. There may be a few ignorant parents who tell their daughters that chess is unfeminine and that nice girls do not do that, but this hardly explains the phenomenon mentioned above. (Hint: For single women wishing to meet a guy, enter a chess tournament! The odds are fantastically in your favor!)

2. Less Participation

Considering my hint above, this is indeed correct, but this is at least as much an effect of this phenomenon as it is the cause. Females are perhaps just less interested in this nerdy game than males, many of whom are effectively addicted to it.

3. Differing Testosterone Levels

With testosterone comes competitiveness. Even including chess’s many draws, this Game of Kings is highly competitive. Although the players sit on their rears for hours on end, their heart beats are similar to those of marathon runners. They sweat bullets with no obvious physical exertion. Boxers do too, but theirs is not merely a mental exercise.

4. Geography and Spatial Awareness

Chess is a game of geography. Good players keep their eyes riveted on 64 spaces. It may well be that men are, to a far greater degree than women, hardwired topographically.An obvious instance of this is that men generally have a better sense of direction than women. Why should this be? One hypothesis stems from sociobiology, or evolutionary psychology. When our species was living in trees or caves long ago, women stayed close to home base, picking berries, washing, cooking, and cleaning.Men, by contrast, went a-hunting. This activity took them dozens, perhaps scores of miles away from their starting points. If they didn’t have a good sense of direction and a good feel for geography, they perished, leaving less genetic material to the next generation. The environment selected in favor of geographical expertise for men to a far greater degree than for women. As chess is a geographical game, males have a decided advantage.

5. Variance

The standard deviation of male abilities is far greater than that of females. Women are God’s, or nature’s, insurance policy. Men are His, or its, crap shoot.We find very few women in mental institutions, prisons, or homeless shelters. These places are far more often inhabited by men. People of this ilk often lie two, three, or even four standard deviations below the mean. Similarly, we see very few women on the outer reaches of STEM, economics, and, yes, chess.Former Harvard President Larry Summers was once forced to vacate his office by the wokesters of the day for musing on this subject, but that does not render this hypothesis false.Make no mistake, chess, at top levels, takes a lot of brain power. You have to memorize hundreds of opening moves. Success does not come by seeing into the future of the game by a mere half dozen moves. Triple that, and you are closer to the miracles these brainiacs often perform. But there are very few women with abilities two, three, and four standard deviations above the mean.Does this mean girls should not be taught chess and that women should not play this game? Of course not. That would be preposterous. Everyone should enjoy whatever pursuits ring their bells. But we should not be surprised at male dominance at the leading edge of this quintessentially intellectual sport.

I just made my new fidelity account and deposited 100 into my Roth IRA account with no problem from my BOFA account. However, when I want to transfer 100 dollars from the same BofA account into my individual account, I get this: This account is currently ineligible for transfers due to a restriction. Please select another account to continue.
What could be the problem, and how can it be fixed?

Back in December, I made this post detailing my automatic $3k CLI after 1 year of using a bucketed QS1 with a $500 limit. Basically, I got this CLI by funneling almost all of my spend into my card and paying off multiple times per month. These were normal everyday purchases like gas, groceries, amazon, etc. so there was no way to misconstrue this as manufactured spend. It likely also helped that I opened a Capital One Bank account and sent my direct deposit there.
After the initial increase to $3.5k I was able to fit my larger bills and thus more spend onto the card. I let the balance run a bit high, over $3k, but I always paid well above the minimum so it was clear that I had a handle on debt management. The balance has been steadily decreasing over the past month or two.
A few days ago, I made a payment which brought my balance below $500 and I woke up this morning to another automatic CLI of $2.5k, setting my total credit limit at $6k. Very interesting, because people generally go years without even getting a CLI upon request.
The major takeaway here is utilization: Capital One clearly loves when you use their cards and take them to the limit, while also demonstrating that you know how to pay your bills without depending on minimum payments.
Capital One has been hounding me every week or so with emails about applying for a SavorOne with a SUB since December. I'll wait until my new limit and utilization report to the credit bureaus, but I'm more than confident I'll get a very nice limit.
TL;DR: If you truly use your Capital One card consistently, even bucketed cards can get nice CLIs.

Flat DR is becoming more commonplace (thanks to % DR negation doing the same), and I wanted to do an analysis on how much flat damage reduction is realistic for different types of units and why.
For anyone new to the concept of damage reduction, I'll explain how it differs from percentage-based damage reduction.

X% vs. X

Percentage-based damage reduction is a skill effect that reduces incoming damage after Atk, Def, and Res stats are factored in by a percentage.

• It is recognizable by the verbiage of "reduces damage by X%", which is NOT to be confused with "reduces damage by X% of Y", which would return a flat number.
• Unless this effect is stated in a Special, it is able to be reduced and pierced by skills like Deadeye, Lethality, Phys. Null Follow, etc.
• These effects stack multiplicatively (e.g., two skills that reduce damage by 40% would not result in an 80% reduction, but 64%.
• When both %-based DR and flat DR are active, the percentage-based one is factored in first.

Flat damage reduction (or damage negation) is a more recent skill effect that reduces incoming damage, after the usual damage calculation, by a flat number.

• It is recognizable by "reduces damage by X% of Y", "reduces damage by X", or "reduces damage by [phrase that returns a number, like "total bonuses on unit"]". Sometimes it requires calculation to get the number (like with 20% of unit's Def, for example), but sometimes skills explicitly state "reduce damage by 8" for example.
• When active, this effect is never able to be pierced or reduced. It can only be combated with more damage. As a result, "counters" to this effect have already existed in the form of true damage.
• These effects stack additively (e.g. two skills that would reduce damage by 8 will reduce damage by a total of 16).
• Flat DR is factored in after %-based. An example of this is:
  • 60 damage being dealt to a unit with 50% DR and 12 flat DR.
  • 60 is reduced to 30.
  • 30 is reduced to 18.
  • 18 damage is dealt.
• Sources: Laguz Friend, Atk/Spd Excel (PP &/or on Specials), Exclusive skills

In the above example, how these two effects work is clear. Percentage-based DR can create a much greater reduction in damage (at the cost of its ability to be reduced). Flat DR usually creates a small reduction in damage, but it's more reliable and a critical effect for omni-tanks to take as little damage as possible.
These two effects are best when paired together. Basically, percentage-based DR makes big numbers into smaller numbers, and then flat DR turns those smaller numbers into tank-able numbers.
The best way to gain access to this combo on a tank is to get a %-DR Special:

• Godlike Reflexes
• Aegis/Pavise
• Any Special that is Engaged to Ike with a reliable way of charging it up.

as well as a source of flat DR, which are mostly on exclusive skills (and Laguz Friend, and Excel on PP & Specials).

How much Flat DR can we expect per unit (for now)?

Flat DR so far has been balanced according to a few factors such as:

1. Conditionality
2. Activation on specific strikes (e.g. only first/follow-up)
3. Other trade-offs
4. Placement in kit

Highly conditional flat DR can reach very high numbers, but as a result is able to be reduced to 0 by counterplay, unlike effects that use a number based on the user's stat.
When flat DR applies on only a specific strike, it tends to be higher. Similarly, other trade-offs can bring up the value of flat DR.
Finally, sacrificing a passive skill slot (B skill) seems to increase the value of flat DR because it cannot stack with Laguz Friend and also sacrifices other effects that can greatly enhance a tank's gameplay (Null C-Disrupt most notably).
Here are the classes or tiers of flat DR so far, their average X value, as well as the units in them *limited to one skill, this is not including units who can stack their weapon with Laguz Friend for example):

1. All or Nothing (Super-High Ceiling)
   1. The source of damage negation can be absolutely countered, but has a high ceiling as a result.
   2. These units with such high flat DR either sacrifice their B skill or have drastically low Spd causing them to almost guarantee having to take two or more strikes if they cannot kill immediately on their counterattack.
   3. Examples:
      1. Eikthrynir: X is calculated as 50% of the highest total bonuses on nearby allies. From just his weapon's bonuses, this should be 9. With Spd/Res+6 on those same allies, it goes up to 18. Under extreme circumstances (double buffs due to Harsh Command or Attuned Micaiah), this can come up to 32 or more from this skill alone. However, him and his allies can be panicked and all DR will be lost.
      2. Attuned Caeda: X is the highest total bonuses on nearby allies (double the deer man, but also takes up her B skill slot). With her base kit and her bonuses not negated, this is 24 flat DR. It can go up to double that (48 or more) with flipped penalties and no panic.
      3. Nidhoggr: X is the damage dealt to foe (max 20). Yes she deals 8 combat-beginning damage so that base value should be 8, but Breath of Life can counter this.
2. Higher Value, Higher Cost (25% or 30% of a Stat)
   1. There's a slight increase in the value of damage negation at a cost. This difference of 5% or 10% of a stat when dealing with modern stats can
   2. For all of the below tiers, the estimated value of X is calculated using only their weapon, their stats with flowers and a boon in the respective stat, and an average of +10 to that stat to account for passive skills.
   3. Examples:
      1. New Year Nerthuz: X = 25% of Spd, but only on the foe's first attacks. This value is about 19.
      2. Diamant: X = 25% of Def, but negates all non-Special % DR on himself and hinders his own ability to follow-up. This value is about 15. This is due to only getting Def+5 from his weapon and not having highest base stat either.
      3. Rhea: X = 30% of Res, but only on follow-up attacks. This value is about 19.
      4. Edward: X = 16, but only when getting hit with an offensive Special.
3. The Blueprint (20% of a Stat)
   1. This was the introduction of this effect. 20% of a stat, after in-combat effects. When using the Atk stat, the percentage is reduced due to weapon might, so it becomes 15%.
   2. Note the outlier in Bridal Embla (an amazing unit). Not only does she get higher stats, but she's the only significantly faster unit in this class. All other units calculate flat DR based off of a defensive stat and as such have lower Spd mostly and risk follow-ups.
   3. Examples:
      1. Spring Maria: The original, getting 20% of her Def as damage negation. The value is about 13.
      2. Askr: X = 20% of Def; it's about 13.
      3. New Year Askr: X = 20% of Def; about 12.
      4. Bridal Embla: X = 20% of Spd; valued at about 15, thanks to her modern weapon granting about 10 more stats than other units in this class.
      5. Brave Dimitri: X = 20% of Def; about 12.
      6. Dimitri: X = 15% of Atk; about 12.
      7. Gatekeeper: X = 20% of Def; about 12.
      8. Midori: X = 15% of Atk; about 13.
      9. Ninja Cherche: X = 20% of Def; about 12.
      10. Laguz Friend Users: X = 20% of Def/Res, should be in line with the above, those with modern weapons and refines (+13-15 to stats) hitting Embla's 15, otherwise hitting around 12.
4. The New Normal (Fixed Value or 15% of a Stat)
   1. Basically, you need flat DR to survive now, so this is added to a unit's kit who also has other means of survival such as overall high stat swings, higher Spd, infantry skill access, % DR in the same skill, is a grail unit (lol), etc.
   2. Examples:
      1. Rinkah: X = 15% of Def, but only on first attacks; valued at around 9.
      2. Cormag: X = 15% of Def, valued at around 7.
      3. Edward: X = 8, unless when getting hit with an offensive Special.
      4. Halloween Corrin: X = 8, on defensive Special trigger.
      5. Brave Corrin: X = 7, on foe's first attacks only.
      6. Legendary Corrin: X = 7, on foe's first attacks only.
      7. Say'ri: X = 7, on foe's first attacks only.
      8. Fallen Ike: X = 7, on foe's first attacks only.
      9. Mozu: X = 10
      10. Divine Veine (Stone): X = 10, when hit with an offensive Special.
5. We Used to be a country A proper country
   1. The lowest amount of flat DR which belongs to skills that are either outdated or have a lot else going for them, but each big of flat DR can contribute to survival. Upgrades to these inheritable skills could become very relevant.
   2. Examples:
      1. Shield Pulse: X = 5, on defensive Special trigger.
      2. Hardy Fighter: X = 5, on defensive Special trigger.
      3. Summer Fjorm: X = 5, on defensive Special trigger.

Final Notes

Of course there are some units I probably missed and in-combat all of these numbers will look different according to each situation. But this is to paint a general picture of how flat DR is currently balanced in the game. The key notes are that:

• Super-high flat DR ceilings are not meant to be commonplace: they either require significant setup or can be countered to bring the value down to zero or at least to the lowest classes on this list..
• Higher DR comes at a relative cost, at least for now. 20% is standard (or 15% for Atk-based).
• Any flat DR is good and can help a tank survive: units on the lower end of this list have other means of survival and flexibility, despite how broken Attuned Caeda appears when working at her very best (and she's still pressed for NCD).
• IS tries to balance their skill effects, and even if they are not successful at this ($$$), there is at least graspable logic to how they scale flat DR.
• They will probably release an inheritable Special with % DR in it like Vital Astra should have been because the combo of % DR and flat DR is the current meta.