The Planet of Prospero has flourished since the end of the great crusade. Magnolia the Red, after serving on the golden throne until the completion of the web way project she returned to her home. The sun beat down upon the paradise world, it was a beautiful day and Magnolia was teaching her people responsible psychic practices. Her Starlight watching from a far with a bottle of wine in hand.
Magnolia: That will be all for today, review your biomancy for tomorrow’s lesson.
She approached her Starlight
Magnolia: A new gift from Ahriman?
Starlight: He says it’s the best batch yet.
Magnolia: He says that everytime.
Starlight: chuckles. well he is passionate about his craft. There’s something to be admired about that.
They walked down the promenade, returning to their palace. It was too nice of a day to stay inside. A nice day for reading in the garden, their time during the crusade saw an expansion of Magnolia’s collection.
Magnolia: hmm. This truly is Ahriman’s best work.
Starlight: Agreed.
Magnolia held her starlight’s hand
Magnolia: All that time on the golden throne…All I could see was the Empyrean, the only thing I could do was focus… But every so often I could sense you in the room. I could hear your stories of our sons. Thank you, for spending so much time with me.
Starlight: I came whenever I could. The Scholastica Psykana kept me busy. When I tried to connect with you I felt I would be crushed under the weight of it all. But I…I needed to feel you again. Just once.
Magnolia: You shouldn’t have, I would rather you intact instead of a jibbering madman.
Starlight: It was worth it.
It was another day for rejoicing, for enjoying each other’s company. Good wine and reading material, her starlight by her side, and the warmth of her home world. Magnolia couldn’t ask for anything more, but the great work was never done. Someday they will go forth and conquer the furthest star. But today? Today was for admiring her own great work and enjoying hard won peace. And her Starlight.

OC
In the far future, mankind is surrounded by neighbours that rule over their citizens with an iron first and no regard for their happiness, either in the name of a select few families with noble blood, absolute monarchs or tyrants that claim to serve the interests of their nations while their actions suggest otherwise.
It is a sickening thought and certain individuals would not stand for this. Many species were flabbergasted when they learned so many humans were willing to meddle in the affairs of their neighbours, even more were shocked to learn that these endeavours were not funded by any human government for the sake of destabilising potential rivals.
It was a voluntary effort.
[----------------------------------------]
If Mesch could describe the current microcycle, she’d call it tiring, soul-crushing even, she had no choice but to overwork herself to pay off her debt to the state. After the brother of her father was falsely charged with high treason and shipped off, all of her immediate family-including her-was charged the appropriate price for being the acquaintance of a dissident. The dread residing in her heart only grew stronger as she made her way back to her meager apartment-dwelling, the thought of the massive debt and the cost of living only served to wear her mind down.
“Hello miss, did you know you have rights?” Mesch’s ears perked up at the sudden barrage of noise directed at her, turning to look at the source, she found a strange, seemingly furless biped looking at her. She exhaled from her snout, as if she didn’t have anything better to do…she had recently gotten off her twelfth consecutive overtime shift and the last thing the drowsy nersk needed was a speech about- “You actually do and since I’m here, I’m willing to tell you all about it” The biped was holding plenty of pamphlets in its first appendage and a clipboard in the second. Whatever it wanted to tell her must have been important enough to stand in the same spot for an indefinite amount of time, Mesch decided to humour the strange alien, stopping in her tracks and focusing exclusively on the being in front of her.
"Enlighten me then, what rights do I have?” She came to the conclusion that the alien ignored the sarcasm in her response, seeing that it was thick enough to pierce. She had nothing to her name besides the clothes on her person and what little she had in her apartment-dwelling. The alien handed her a pamphlet, why not? She had come this far, may as well go the whole way. It was written fluently in the language of her people and the information it divulged immediately drew her attention.
-The average Nerski adult works an average of ten human hours for six human days every human week with for the same criminally low wages. This is twenty nerski mini-cycles every twelve nerski micro-cycles every nerski mega-cycle. That is humiliating, grating and unacceptable. Besides being deprived of overtime rates, the average nerski adult is robbed of their sense of safety in their own dwelling, the nerski authorities need no one’s written permission to invade and sack someone’s dwelling for evidence of a crime, perceived or not. The average nerski citizen has no say in who governs them or the measures they may enact at any given moment. The average nersk is not free. But you can be, if you ask the nearest F.F.F advocate for more information. Freedom Forever Foundation-
Something just did not sit well with her about this, was she supposed to work less? Was she supposed to be paid more for the unskilled labour she provided? Was she being taken advantage of? The intrusive thoughts did not let her already weary mind rest, for she had a myriad of questions that urgently needed answering. “I…I want to know more” Mesch did not bother masking the tone of her voice, it sounded equally tired and pleading, desperate for answers to the questions that only kept appearing with each passing second.
The face of the alien brightened by a considerable amount, quickly withdrawing something from the bag on their back. In that span of seconds that felt like a lifetime she remembered the race the odd sentient in front of her belonged to, humans. Not new to FTL technology by any means, but still treated like children in many political-and social-circles thanks to being the newest addition to the Neutral Cooperation Concord. “Glad your rights concern you…this is the information kit, spread the word” A beige folder was handed to her, it was almost as thick as her arm, the scandalous information…the pull it had on her, it was hellish! The promise of relief almost made her knees buckle under the pressure of her need to know.
“One more thing…can I have your signature? I will sooner burn the page than let it fall in the hands of nerski authorities…you have my word” She didn’t need to be pressured to sign and she did so eagerly, carefully hiding the illicit materials within her clothes with shaky hands. ‘Thank-” The human did not get to thank her in time, noticing a single file line of nerski plain clothes enforcers closing in on them, picking up speed when he started backing away. “Unfortunately this is where we part ways…now go!” The last glimpse of the human she caught was him getting swarmed by the enforcers “Liberty fears no tyrant! FREEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” Mesch’s attempts at leading the human away had failed, tears threatened to spill out of the corners of her eyes the longer she ran yet she had no other choice. If only she could see him again…
Almost an entire megacycle latehuman month later…
Mesch was returning from work, this time she failed to evade the treacherous weather, opting to withstand it and head back home through the camped alleyways leading to that fabled square she had met the human at. She sighed, stopping for a bit and sitting down, squeezing her long ears to get what little water had gathered in there out again. That was when a familiar voice caressed her ears once more. “Hello miss, did you know you have rights?” Her head spun around a little too quicker than she liked, causing some pain to her neck but ultimately ignoring it in favour of finding the source of that blessed voice.
“Of course you do, you’re the first one!” The same human from before sat next to her, shielding her from most of the raindrops thanks to his larger size. “Also I’m now considered a political dissident and there’s an active warrant out for my detainment but that’s not the important thing here! It is this…” The same clipboard came into her view, this time filled with plenty more signatures and from the looks of things there were more pages under the one on top, all filled to the brim with signatures as well. “Whoever has it out for me sure doesn’t like it when people think on their own”
Mesch…was stunned, she had convinced herself the human would never see the light of day again and yet here he was, staring at her with that same smile, the same smile with the same, if not larger, amount of defiant spirit brewing behind it. “How did you?...”
"I am a vessel for liberty, as long as it exists somewhere, I will not be stopped” The human stood up and offered her his hand, she accepted it and after getting pulled up on her feet he showed her another pamphlet, this time it talked about a protest right outside the presidential palace, it was suicidal to say the least…which was why Mesch thought she had finally flown off the handle when she accepted without second-guessing herself.
“So…there are more like me?” Hope filled her heart, it was good, way too good to be true. “Not just more…way, wayyy more! Now come, I will get us there with the Liberty mobile!” She soon found herself strapped inside a vehicle of signature human design, heading straight to the presidential palace, her stomach flipping at the mere sight of the crowd gathered at the meeting point. Chanting slogans, phrases, speeches that at any other point in time she would have rejected as crazy and meant to destabilise the nation her people had built over many lifetimes. They got out and marched with the rest of the assembled nersk until they hit a chokepoint, lines upon lines of enforcers ready to meet them halfway , they were not scared or intimidated, they were ready.
Before long, either due to their own initiative or an order from a higher up, the enforcers were set loose on the crowd. Bashing, bruisng and shooting with electrically-charged pellets, trying their damnest to scare the crowd away. Mesch was scared but she would not flee, for the life she lived before this grand event was nothing more than celebrated slavery. Enforcers descended on her and the human, she was badly beaten but before any serious harm could befall her the human shielded her and proceeded to drive back the enforcers hellbent on killing her without even fighting back , the only weapon in his name was his own body and he did not use it as a weapon, only a a shield.
A few moments before she fainted from the overwhelming pain, she could hear the battle cry she had heard only once before and a sense of comfort, a painful but satisfying end to her life of misery.
This would have been the case if she hadn’t woken an indeterminate amount of time later in a hospital, with none other than the same human sitting besides her, watching her. “Slept well? You deserve it after all these bruises” It was painful to move and for the second time, she ignored it. Twisting just enough to be able to hug the human. “Thank you for everything” The human hugged her back, comforting her with the warmth only his words had provided so far. “You shouldn’t thank me, I was doing my moral duty…there is someone else you should be embracing right now” Behind the human stood another nersk, it was uncle Vinow, the same uncle that had gotten dragged off by the secret police. Tears of happiness overwhelmed her and she soon hugged both of them.
“Some sympathetic soul leaked the coordinates to several blacksites holding political prisoners and from the looks of things this isn’t the last act of defiance we’re going to be hearing about, while you were unconscious I was ferrying as many prisoners back and forth to the capital….Congratulations Mersch, your people have embraced freedom. Enjoy it, your blood, sweat and tears have finally paid off”
[-----------------------------]
[My HFY-themed discord server](http:// https://discord.gg/KQeBuv88EB)

Two years I had thoughts about self deleting. I couldn't understand why I was such a fcuk up and couldn't cope the way other adults could. My life was a mess. I remember one night sitting in front of my computer and thinking "what is the fucking point?". Everything around me was organised. My college notes were colour coordinated and in order. Everything was set up for me to succeed. Yet I ws still failing. I remember thinking "everything I do is set up for me to succeed, but it's the execution that's a failure".
This was a serious lightbulb moment. Becaue of Covid, I started spending a lot of time on Reddit and had read about ADHD and executive dysfunction. Immediately I knew that was the problem. It made so much sense. So I went to my GP the next morning and I was explaining everything and she suggested I was Bipolar! I said no, I definitely wasn't and wanted to get tested for ADHD. She said there were no servies that dealth with adults because adults don't have ADHD. What the fuck?
She did refer me to the psychriatiast and I got an appointment 5 months later. And they told me that I might have ADHD and trauma from my childhood, but she couldn't help me because there were no services that dealth with adults with adhd. I was absolutely devasated by this. She did give me a list of people who might be able to help, and my GP referred me to a psychiatrist. I was looking that he was taking new clients and I got my diagnosis.
I have to say, having the diagnosis did have a positive effect on my life. So much made sense.
But it was only half the battle.
I am on the autism spectrim. I don't need a doctor to tell me this. I know by how people react to me. To me I'm normal. But I've learned that my normal isn't the wider normal.
I know I struggle socially.
I konw I struggle with emotional regulational.
I know I hear noises that don't bother other people.
I konw I appear "normal" but other people feel like something is "off"
I asked my GP about getting an official diagnosis so I can get the supports I need. I was reffered to a service that sounds really good, except it's €1,200. I'm sure to my American cousins that doesn't sound like much, but to me it's a pipe dream.
I know I could be a productive member of society if I could get my shit together, but I need help getting my shit toghether. It's possible to be academically gifted and still be special needs. Why don't they test children and they help them as they develop into adults?
​

This list is not made to be a "Best games" or something like that, it is my opinion about how much I enjoyed each game.
Also, the way I play the games to make the list is: I play it once without searching for anything in the internet to feel it as a genuine first experience, then I play it again with a guide to do everything the game offers, normally the review is based on the first playthrough since it is my own impression of the game, but sometimes the second one becomes relevant, for good or bad reasons.
These are all the games that I have access to, my computer can't run 14 and 15, I had some problems running 13-2 and 13-3 so I didn't play 'em, and I don't have enough time to play 11 yet.
Anyway, here's my list:
14- Final Fantasy 13 (Steam)
This game has beautiful graphics... And that's the only good thing I have to say about it. It's just a bunch of hallways the whole time, the part that it should open up is 20+ hours already in game and it is just one big area with 5 or 6 hallways. The battle system is boring and the AI is just dumb, the characters are not interesting and the game fails to tell you it's story and almost forces you to read Data Logs to be able to understand it.
13- Final Fantasy 10-2 (Steam)
I think this game just relies too much on being the successor of FFX, the story is way too simple, the final boss didn't make me fear it like Sin did, it was said that he could destroy the whole world, but nothing is shown, he's just sleeping through most of the game, and when he wakes up, YRP destroy him without any difficulty.
My second playthrough to 100% was pretty boring, the amount of little things you have to do in a specific order because if you don't do one little thing in chapter 1, you have to restart it, because you're not getting 100%, the game is not that bad, but i haven't enjoyed it that much.
12- Final Fantasy 1 (PSP)
Of course the first game is really important for the franchise and for the whole gaming industry, and it's so old that it is indeed too simple. I'm not saying it is a bad game, but of all the ones I've played, it is one of the games that gave me the less fun of all.
11- Final Fantasy 3 (DS)
This game looks like a better version of FF1, I mean, it's pretty much the same, the party is together and bam, they are destined to save the world, the story is not that great, Xande wasn't as menacing as he should, I think that if he appeared more during the game, I could have respected him more than just seeing him once and proceed to beat the s* out of him. Cloud of Darkness was there just to be the final challenge as "the greatest menace the world has ever seen"
10- Final Fantasy 2 (PSP)
This game is actually pretty good, some reviews I saw before playing it said that the leveling system was bad and the story wasn't good, but I liked it, it made sense that if a character fights using a sword it will get better with it as the time goes on, of course this means that by the end of the game I couldn't change the "jobs" of my characters, but I didn't see this as a problem at all. Also, I like this game's story, it's not as epic as the next games (of course, it is pretty old) but I like the way they made the villain be someone I should fear, someone that is really evil and made me want to stop him.
9- Final Fantasy 8 (Steam)
Old Review: The story is good. That's it. The draw system made me stop playing this game 3x when I was younger, and almost made me do it again this time, I know it is supposed to be challenging to get all the magic so you can assemble them to your stats, but at some times I was so tired of having to battle the same enemies for long periods of time just to get 100 of their magics that I had to use the save editor to get 100 of the ones I already had. It's not a bad game, really, I was immersed in the story as it kept getting bigger and bigger, but this little detail made me enjoy the game way less than I think i should.
New review: So, after some discussion in the other posts, I gave FF8 another chance, and the game is good, really, this time I've used Triple Triad as I should, making the magic gathering waaay easier, and then I proceeded to enjoy the game more than the last time.
With this being said, FF8 is a good game and i had some fun playing it, but i will not change its position on my ranking, since all the ones above him were more appealing to me in their own ways.
9- Final Fantasy 16 (PS5)
The story is pretty good and I like the characters, I'm not the greatest fan of action RPGs, but the Variety of builds I could make with different Eikons got me. There's not much I can say about this one, the game is nowhere as linear as FF13, but it also ain't open as FF15. There are some beautiful fights, but I didn't feel any challenge during my gameplay, not even in Final Fantasy Mode. Also, there is a point near the end of the game that they just throw a lot of sidequests in your face, but overall is a good game.
8- Final Fantasy 4 (PSP)
This is the first Final Fantasy game that I played in my life, and it is really good, the story is nice, the characters are cool and having that much charisma on my party after playing FF3 made me enjoy this SO much that I can play it many more times and still enjoy just like the first time. Of course it have its problems, some characters get really weak if compared to others and the difficulty is pretty low, but overall, a really cool game.
7- Final Fantasy 12 (Steam)
This is the second Final Fantasy game I played and the first I beat when i was younger, it has its problems (like every other) but the characters have charisma (Not you, Vaan, shut up), the story is ok and the Gambit System made my eyes shine when I saw it for the first time. The hunts where so challenging for me back in that day that i remember myself just breaking my head doing good Gambits to each member of my party (of course when I played it again it wasn't that hard but ok), this is the game that made me love this series and JRPGs, and it's pretty sad for me to leave it this down on the list, but I have to be honest when I say that the next ones made me enjoy more the journey and are simply better games.
6- Final Fantasy 5 (Steam)
This one is the perfection of what Square began on FF1 and then evolved at FF3, the job system is really good, the variety of parties you can make is awesome and the story made me want to chase Exdeath so bad that I was almost entering the PC to beat him with my own hands. The characters are charismatic and Gilgamesh made me laugh every time he appeared. The game is not the most complex one, but it is really good.
5- Final Fantasy Tactics (Mobile)
The only one I played that is not from the main franchise, but the story is so good, the characters seem so alive, Ramza and Delita really make you feel what they are feeling, the jobs system is pretty certainly the best I've seen until now and the gameplay got me since the very first battle. If you've never played FFTactics, do it right now, it is one of the best games I've ever played and certainly deserves this position on my opinion, maybe even higher when I play it again on the future.
4- Final Fantasy 7 (PS1)
I think I don't have to say very much about this one, it was for a very long time my favorite game, the story is so good, the characters are perfect, Sephiroth made me fear him every time he was on the screen, just as he made Cloud sweat by hearing his name, the parties you can make are so diverse, you can play it with many different comps and you will still enjoy it and not be stuck anywhere because they're all acceptable, I'm not gonna make an analysis of every aspect of the game, but this one is REALLY worth playing, even if you're not much of a FF fan.
3- Final Fantasy 9 (Steam)
This game is so good I have difficulty finding words to describe it, Zidane is a great main character (He is a classic hero, of course, but his plot made me enjoy his character a lot more than I already did), Garnet had so much drama around her, Vivi is so precious, wish I could protect him from everything forever. The story is really good, the way it scales 'til the end made me not want to stop playing it, Kuja is a wonderful villain, he was not only the big bad that should be defeated because he wants to destroy the world, he was a villain, a really good villain that I wanted to defeat, I wanted to stop him as much as the characters, FF9 is amazing.
2- Final Fantasy 6 (GBA)
FF6 is a wonderful game in every aspect, its story got me so much feelings, Kefka is my favourite villain from the franchise, Terra, Locke, Celes, Edgar, all of the characters made me care about them, made me want to see how they would react to everything that was happening through the whole time, the side stories after they get separated almost made me cry, Celes is a wonderful character in every aspect, this game was my favourite until I played the Top 1, but it still is one of the games I've enjoyed the most in my entire life.
1- Final Fantasy 10 (Steam)
This is a game that my brother always told me to play, and when I did, I understood why he was telling me to do so. The battle system is great, being able to switch your characters in the middle of the battle is awesome, the sphere grid, when I first saw, i thought it would be overly complicated, but it isn't, the trials to get Aeons are pretty good, not that hard but I understand why, all the characters are so charismatic, I love all of them. And the story... Final Fantasy 10 made tears fill my eyes while I was playing it, Tidus' plot is beautiful, Yuna as well, every character had their own little arc and I enjoyed all of them, this game is the one that surpassed FF6 for me, and I was thinking that it wasn't possible since I love FF6 so much, but FF10 is wonderful in every aspect and is the game that I enjoyed the most.

Names have been changed to protect those involved.
One of my earliest memories of flirtation dates back to around June of 2022, during a casual encounter at Clowns'R'Us. I vividly recall asking for a bottle of pop, and his playful response, something along the lines of "if you give me all the love in your heart forever." Although the exact details have blurred over time, the impact was profound - my heart raced, and my mind buzzed with excitement. Following that moment, I found myself increasingly captivated by him. With my marriage already strained, and unsure of his relationship status, it was a pivotal moment just before he began dating Jennifer.
Our flirtatious banter continued to evolve over the span of several months, with him often taking the lead, while I, admittedly shy, mustered courage for occasional bold interjections. One memorable exchange occurred during our shared enjoyment of Bawls energy drinks, when he jokingly remarked about the universal need for "bawls in their mouth" – a humorous prelude, in hindsight. Another instance arose while we were sealing envelopes, where I inquired about the type of stamps, playfully alluding to my penchant for licking things. His reaction was a delightful mix of surprise and amusement. “That was dirty!” He exclaimed in response. As our connection deepened, he extended an invitation to his Discord server, aptly named [Removed for privacy]. There, our interactions took on a more playful tone, even to the point of incorporating a playful flirtation with a porn bot. While I no longer have access to the server, certain memories, like his virtual gesture of "licking," remain vivid.
Feb 6, 2023 I took a leap of faith and decided to make my move on Discord. After months of teasing and listening to his claims about how large his penis is, I found myself deeply attracted to him. I confessed my feelings, though the specifics of our conversation elude me as I deleted the messages afterward. While he initially turned me down, I persisted, and our flirtatious dynamic continued.
Feb 8, 2023 I spent an hour on a video call with him on Discord. During our conversation, he casually mentioned missing seeing a certain physical attribute (due to Jennifer not having them - breasts), and without hesitation, I boldly showed him mine. The expression on his face made it clear that he appreciated the view, and I couldn't help but crave to see that look again. Additionally, he mentioned a dating website where I could find a picture of his penis, under the account name "[Removed for Privacy]" Unfortunately, that account has been deleted since then.
Feb 9, 2023 We had another video chat, but I was feeling down and ended up in tears. Unfortunately, he didn't offer much comfort and turned me down once more. After that encounter, I decided to take a step back for a while. He was preoccupied with getting The Outpost up and running, as well as finalizing the split from Clowns'R'Us.
March 12, 2023 It was Sunday. The Outpost was open. I don't recall who all was working other than Bobby, myself, and Richard. Tiffany was also there as it was the weekend. I was in the backroom untangling wires, and Richard came into the back and said something along the lines of "I wish I was at home in bed getting a blow job right now", so I replied with my willingness to help him out with the blow job. He looked around to figure out where we could do it without getting caught, as the store was open at the time (it was the middle of the afternoon). I personally had been thinking about parking somewhere on the way home, and doing it in the car. He didn’t seem to want to wait that long. In the end, he stood in front of the door to the backroom and I knelt in front of him. “Don’t tell anyone”, he told me. The whole thing only took like 30 seconds that time. He later blamed it on his bite injury causing him issues, but I honestly think it was mostly just nerves on both our parts. Although the encounter was short-lived, it left me contemplating whether it was due to performance issues or sheer desire on his part. He didn't even have time to get fully hard, and it left me believing he was kinda on the smaller side. When he's fully soft, his dick hides like a turtle. I think it's cute, lol. But he’s a grower, not a show-er. When he’s fully hard, it’s a decent size, I later learned.
Afterward, he admitted it was a mistake and promised it wouldn't repeat. Although I was saddened, I reluctantly accepted his explanation for a while. I confided in my best friend about the incident when it happened, but a few days later, I falsely claimed it never occurred, leading to a heated argument between us - our first major disagreement.
April 26, 2023 I overheard him make a comment to someone during the work day about missing titties. So after everyone else left for the night, and it was just me and him working, I offered to show him mine again. He accepted the offer. I begged him to touch me. He asked if he would get in trouble. I told him no. He took off his glasses and put his head in between them. Then he let me suck him off again. He lasted much longer this time. We both agreed afterwards that it was the last time.
May 3, 2023 Richard was giving me and the annoying kid a ride home. After he dropped the annoying kid off, I mentioned to him that I really didn't feel like going home yet, cause I didn't want to go home to an empty house. He suggested I could clean his bedroom for some extra cash. Jennifer was on her way to Chicago that night. We went to his apartment. I can't fully recall the timeline of events that night, so I'll try to get everything in order as best I can. I started tidying up his bedroom. He had me change the sheets on his bed, and afterwards he made a comment about how he should have asked me to clean naked. I sat on his bed while he talked to Jennifer on the phone for a bit, joking with her about K-pop music. Then he came back to his bedroom and shut and locked the door. I knew at that point that something would happen between us. I tried to kiss him, and he said he doesn't kiss. I asked him to finger me, and he said "no, because then I'll never get rid of you." He made a comment later about how he couldn't fuck me without a condom. Up to that point, I didn't think he'd even be willing to do so at all. After that I sat down, and reached to grab his dick cause I knew he was still willing to do something. He asked if I was trying to do what he thought I was trying to do. I said yes. He laid down on the bed and let me suck him. At one point, he grabbed his dick and had me suck on his balls. I had never done this before, or ever even been asked to do this before, so I did the best I could with it. He seemed to enjoy it. After he was done, he sat and played his new COD game for a few minutes, then took me home. We were at his apartment from 10:09 PM until 11:29 PM. I think this was the night I really started to fall in love with him.
May 19, 2023 I don't recall too many details about this time. We were in the backroom of the Outpost again. I showed him my tits and while I was sucking him off, he asked to fuck them. He was sitting in a chair, and I was kneeling in front of him, so it was exactly the best angle for doing it, but I did my best with it.
May 25, 2023 I don't recall too much about this time either. I believe I started it this time, asking him if he wanted anything, and he said "why not, after the day I've had" or something to that effect. This time he sucked on my tits. I then sucked him off again. Again, in the backroom of The Outpost. I think this was the time when I stopped towards the end cause I wanted to get a good look at his dick fully hard, because I was always too busy to get a good look when he was fully hard the last few times. I didn’t know he was about ready to cum. He grabbed my head and said “put it back in” and basically jammed it down my throat, lol. I enjoyed it though. After this though, he almost always grabbed my hair and held my head down as he was about to cum.
May 31, 2023 This time, again in the backroom of The Outpost, when I showed him my tits, he said "that's nice" and just wanted me to get down to sucking him, so I did. I don’t really remember too much about this time either. The memories all blurred together with time.
June 8, 2023 I was in the backroom, chatting with my husband on the phone, when Richard came in and sat next to me. From the way he looked at me, I knew exactly what he wanted without any need for discussion. I quickly ended my call with my husband, explaining that I had to finish cleaning some consoles. Seeing the newly installed camera in the backroom, I remarked about it to Richard, prompting him to unplug it. He mentioned we needed to hurry before Kevin came to the back, so I did my best to accommodate him swiftly. True to his word, Kevin was headed towards the backroom barely a minute after we finished.
June 13, 2023 Though I didn't know it at the time, this would be the last time for a while. He had already unplugged the camera when I figured he was wanting to do something. I made a comment about it, and he said he just didn't want to be watched by anyone. I can't recall exactly what I said, but he said something about "would it be so bad if we didn't do it" or something to that effect. He let me suck him off anyway though. I asked him again why he wouldn't kiss me, and he said he just didn't want to. I told him I wanted him, and he said I couldn't have him.
June 20, 2023 Jennifer chose to end her relationship with Richard by leaving a letter for him at The Outpost. Richard was deeply affected by the breakup and asked Bobby to give me a ride home that evening. Seeking clarification about our own relationship, I inquired about it, and Richard expressed his desire for us to remain just friends. Despite his stance, I held onto a glimmer of hope, purchasing condoms at the gas station that night, hoping for a possibility that he might reconsider. As time passed and it became apparent that my hopes were unfounded, I decided to leave the condoms in The Outpost bathroom for someone else to use or discard.
In the subsequent months, I confided in a handful of individuals about the events that transpired between us. As a consequence, he terminated my employment temporarily. Furthermore, he resorted to intimidation tactics, threatening to ostracize me from The Outpost community if I dared to disclose our truth to others. He concocted a fabricated narrative, alleging that I had initiated advances toward him, only to concoct falsehoods in a bid to extort him.
Let's examine the absurdity of his accusations. If indeed I were fabricating tales for the sake of manipulation, wouldn't it be far more sensational to claim a physical intimacy beyond reality? Instead, I recounted the truth: instances where I provided him with gratification without reciprocity, enduring his rejection of any emotional connection.
This isn't merely about defending my integrity; it's about unveiling the truth that has been obscured by his deceit.
Towards either the end of November or the beginning of December, I was working there a lot again.
December 18, 2023 We were in the backroom of The Outpost again. Everyone else had left for the night, and we were working quite late. I begged him to let me do it (suck him off) one last time. He asked if I was recording him on my phone because he didn't trust me. I unlocked my phone and handed it to him. He asked if I thought I was prettier than Jennifer because he had turned her down that night. He asked if I was prettier than Autumn because he also turned her down that night. In the end, he let me do it. I think maybe he forgot to unplug the camera. He asked me to show him my tits. This was around 3 AM on the morning of the 18th. After I sucked him for a bit, he sucked on my tits again, and I enjoyed it so much I almost came. I kept repeating his name over and over while he was doing it. Afterwards, we both agreed it was the last time. He told me that any man would accept a blowjob, but it doesn’t mean anything.
December 27, 2023 We were in the backroom of The Outpost again, but he had Tiffany (his daughter), so I really didn't expect anything to happen that night. We had done stuff one other time when Tiffany was there, I can't remember which time, but she was asleep on the couch that time, and this time she was wide awake. He asked her to go play Fortnite for a bit. Then he asked me if I was trying to do something. I said, sure, but Tiffany's here. He said we could go to the bathroom, but we had to stop if she came into the backroom. I went in there, and sat on the toilet while he stood. While I had his dick in my mouth, he asked me "you know, this still doesn't mean I'm into you, right?" I shook my head yes in response, as I had my mouth full at the time. His words hit me hard, and I couldn't hold back the tears when I got home. Despite my love for him, hearing those words while engaged in that act was incredibly painful.
January 3, 2024 This was the day Trina overfilled her car with oil. Richard was giving me a ride home, but we first had to follow his mechanic to Trina and Damian's car, and then follow the car back to his mechanics. While we were in the car, I told him that I didn't want to stop what we were doing, even if it was just that. He tried to say that we weren’t doing anything, but in the end we went and parked outside of his apartment, and he had him suck him off in his car. We stopped every time a car came in our direction. He came so hard I felt his whole body tense up. I remember being jealous, because I wanted him to make me cum like that. I wanted to tell him that it drove me crazy that he lets me do that, but I can't touch him at all when anyone else is around. I told him in the car on the way home that I'll quit asking him if I could do it, but I'd never tell him no. We were parked outside his apartment from 11:51 PM to 12:13 AM.
January 14, 2024 Tiffany was there again. Again, he asked me in the back if I was trying to do something. I said "If you want." He told me to go into the bathroom. He went to check on Tiffany and then came to meet me in the bathroom. He wasn't hard at all, and I actually had a little trouble finding it with my mouth this time. He mentioned that if I'm so good at it, why do I keep ignoring his balls. So I sucked on his balls again too.
January 24, 2024 I know he was starting to get bored with me, so I think he decided to try to switch things up a bit. He asked me if I was trying to do something. I responded again “if you want” and he said, “that’s not what I asked” so I reminded him that I wasn’t going to ask him again, but I wouldn’t ever say no. He turned off all the lights in The Outpost, and we went out and sat on the couch at the back of The Outpost. It was dark enough that nobody could see us and the mall was closed. He asked to fuck my tits again and I obliged. He told me he couldn't understand why I kept doing it. I didn't really have an answer for him at the time. I love him. That's why. But I couldn't tell him that again.
January 31, 2024 At the back of The Outpost again, with the lights out again. He tried to use the VR to watch porn at first, but with the lights out, using the VR wasn't really an option. He didn't know that I'd been fantasizing about doing just that for over a year, so I immediately started thinking of solutions to that issue. I sucked him off on the couch, and he again said he couldn't understand why I kept doing it. I told him because it's all he'd let me do. And I like knowing I can get him off. And that I enjoy it. It's fun. And he tastes really good.
February 6, 2024 I had ordered an infrared light on Amazon, to enable use of VR in the dark. I really wanted to live out my fantasy with him. I brought it into The Outpost and gave it to him as a gift. That night, he sat in his chair at the back of The Outpost with the lights out, watching porn on his VR while I sucked him off. Afterwards he said it was interesting. I asked if he had ever done that before, and he said no. I asked him if he enjoyed it and he said that to be honest, he was kinda getting bored, or something to that effect. In the car, on the way home, he told me that he needed me to quit. What we were doing, he clarified. I knew then that we were done, and that my days at work were probably numbered.
On Saturday, February 24th, 2024 he told me my services were no longer needed.
On March 16th, 2024 Richard has Bobby call me and ask if I want a job. I returned to work on March 17th, 2024. At this time, I am attempting to avoid being alone with Richard going forward.
March 26th, 2024 Richard scheduled me to work today, even though Bobby wasn’t working to give me a ride home, leaving Richard to give me a ride home. Tiffany was here, and everyone else had left for the night. We were in the backroom, and he said “I’m trying to decide - do I let her drain it or no” At first I said I didn't know. He asked if I was gonna get crazy again. I said I am crazy. But I said yes. We went to the bathroom and took care of business. He left the bathroom before I did because Tiffany had come into the backroom. I stood in the bathroom and waited for him to send Tiffany back to the front of the store for a bottle of water before I exited the bathroom.
April 6th, 2024 I was eating a pickle in the backroom. Richard came back to go to the bathroom. When he came out, I said to him “We’re done, right?” He was like “with what?” I’m like “You know what” and he said “yeah”, and I said “ok, I was getting bored too.” So I think it is finally over. Jennifer is coming back into town on April 7th, 2024, and they are planning on getting an apartment together.
April 19th, 2024 We were working late tonight, pricing out blu-rays and getting them listed on eBay. Richard’s phone went dead so we took a break and went into the backroom. As I’m writing this, my head is swimming and I’m exhausted because I just got home, but I’m trying to remember most of what happened. He’s like “we got 10 minutes until the phone charges, what do you want to do?” and I said I didn’t know. Then I think he asked what I was thinking about, and I said I was wondering if he wanted me to do something, and whether or not I should say yes, because I can’t keep giving and giving and not getting anything in return. He said he wasn’t touching my pussy. I asked him if he would at least kiss me. He said no, because he only does that with people he loves. But then he said he’d play with my boobs again. So I rolled my chair over to his and pulled my tits out for him to play with. I asked him if he wanted to see a pic of how big they used to be before my surgery, and he said yes, so I showed him the pic on my Discord server. Then he wanted to see what else was on that channel. I didn’t want to show him because I didn’t want him to be mad because it was the channel where I kept records of what me and him did. But I showed him and he made me delete them while he watched. I'm not surprised he made me do that. I kinda expected him to. Then we got back to fooling around, he sucked on my tits, then I started sucking him. He said he could get a blowjob every day, and it’s so relaxing. He mentioned that there was a gang bang that he had thought about taking me to, he thought I’d enjoy it. Then I stopped and told him I wanted to fuck him so bad. He said he didn’t know what I had or didn’t have. I told him I didn’t have anything. Then he made me pinky promise to never talk about it to anyone. And I got up, took off my skirt and panties and finally had sex with him for the first, and most likely last time. It didn’t last very long, I only got off once, then he made me climb off and he came all over the floor. Then we agreed to never talk about it again. In the car on the way home, I told him I’ll keep taking care of him until Jennifer comes back, if he wants, and it will stay between us. He said he’d let me know. So yeah, it’s not over just yet.
April 24th, 2024 We were alone at the store again. We were in the back room and he asked me if I meant what I said about keeping “draining him” until Jennifer gets back. I told him yes, and asked him where. He asked me where I wanted to. I immediately told him “the massage chair”, cause that’s been a fantasy of mine since he got the damn thing (I didn’t tell him that part though). He vetoed that because the cameras were on in the store. So I cleared off the chair in the backroom for him again. I asked him again if I could kiss him. He let me kiss him on the cheek. Then we got down to the usual business. He told me in the middle of it that I didn’t seem to be too bored with it. LOL. In the car on the way home, I asked him if he’s a sex addict. He said he’s not. He says he just has “stress issues”. I’m not really sure what to make of that.
May 6th, 2024 We were getting ready to leave for the night, it was around 1 A.M. and after he shut off all the store lights, he stopped in the doorway and asked if I wanted it. I said sure, and so with all the lights still out, I asked if the massage chair was working. So we went back into the store to check. It wasn’t working, so we went back into the backroom with all the lights off. I took my time with it, cause I know we are running out of time. In the car on the way home, I told him again that I do just want to be friends with him. Then I told him that “pequeña polla” means little dick, and he said he’s only small for people he doesn’t like, lol. I then asked him if he lost a couple inches when he gained all the weight. He said that he had. I said “thought so”.
While the essence of what I shared remains true, there might be some slight discrepancies in the timing of events. Conversations and interactions may have taken place on different dates than initially recalled, but the substance of our experiences remains consistent. I kept a record of every time we messed around and the dates it happened, all on my private Discord channel. I have ways of proving I was where I said I was, when I said I was.
I composed this document not as a means to coerce Richard, but rather to address the truth of our situation. My aim isn't to extract anything from him; all I seek is for him to acknowledge his role in this matter. Admittedly, my involvement with him was misguided, a lapse in judgment on my part. Yet, it's essential to recognize that his involvement was equally misguided—he pursued it as eagerly as I did. However, the crux of the issue lies in my feelings; I fell deeply in love, a sentiment not reciprocated by him. Throughout our interactions, there were moments where I felt manipulated, even gaslit. Still, despite these red flags, my affection persisted.
From the onset, Richard professed care for me, yet reiterated his lack of attraction. I was fully aware that I was being used, yet I allowed it to happen repeatedly. This admission isn't an attempt to manipulate or victimize but rather to confront the stark reality of our dynamic. It's time for Richard to acknowledge the impact of his actions and the emotional toll it took on me. Let's address this with honesty and integrity, for only through acknowledgment can we begin to heal and move forward.
Certain portions were refined by ChatGPT, acknowledging my occasional struggle with articulation, yet maintaining the utmost accuracy in depicting the sequence of events.

I really like him. He’s so wonderful and I love how he looks at the world. When we met, I just felt pure admiration for him, and I still kind of do. We’re so similar, we’ve bonded over the same hobbies, interests, and values. But something has been changing for me recently.
It feels like I’ve lost feelings for him overnight, although realistically it was probably a gradual thing. He never responds to my emails fully. I always try my hardest to answer to everything he writes, even if it’s just a little comment in response, because I know it takes time and effort to write and I want to always show how grateful I am that he’s sharing with me. But he spends less time in his emails responding and more time just sharing, whereas I try to make it more of an equal ratio. Not only that, but recently he didn’t respond to me for a month, which is a little more that usual for us, so I emailed him telling him I missed hearing from him and just checking in. He answered and we kept more frequent correspondence over a week. And now I have not heard from him in 2 weeks. I’m sad! I told him I missed him before and here he goes disappearing again. It’s not the first time either. I just, I know I’m anxious and I know that maybe in a relationship, I require a bit more reassurance, but I get sad that I have all these feelings invested and I’m not sure where he stands.
What makes this difficult is that my romantic feelings are totally making this relationship so difficult and painful for me, and I’m doing it to myself. I haven’t told him I like him, and now I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him, and I’m scared to just ask him to check in and communicate more bc I don’t want to smother him or scare him off. I feel like I’m going crazy, and it’s literally all my doing, if that makes sense.
How can I help regulate my feelings regarding this connection? How can I communicate how I feel in a way that’s not smothering or overwhelming?
(TLDR: love my penpal, he keeps disappearing on me and it hurts me.

It’s a little scattered doing it on my phone. I’ll get home and clean it up. But I want peoples input. I really think this would work and it’s totally realistic. I think CIG needs some guidance and the medical changes offer the perfect moment to add these features in the game.
I have been a developer for years and I can see CIG trying balance what’s realistic and what they promised. Every startup I was with came to a point where they realized their proposals were far too aggressive, and the higher ups would not even listen to ideas unless they were easy to implement.
So, I’ve been trying to come up with ideas that take minimal effort for maximum gains. These are fairly simple, but will add depth or will lay the groundwork for easy future development.
I think this is the perfect topic for my first idea. The medical system is tricky, but so important. Right now, the medical system is boring and doesn’t add much to the game and with a few tweaks it could add 25% more and be a major part imo while feeling more immersive and satisfying both parties. We need to look to other amazing games like Eve online and cyberpunk imo.
The hard-core fans want investment and death to cost. Now that I am older and have a family, I understand how hard it is to balance that in time to play Now that I am older and have a family, I understand how hard it is to balance that and time to play. It’s really hard to get your average gamer to want to invest 30 minutes to simply respawn.
So in my opinion, we need a system that…

1. Makes death inconvenient and costly but with several ways to pay the “bill”, not only costly at that moment so the player decides quitting is easier.
   
2. Makes the game far more immersive and makes the game deeper, not shallower. In real life in the future, in the future, medical would be a vast portion of warfare and finance and exploration and exploitation. Not just a glorified HP counter.
   
3. Makes all medical ships useful and relevant. Cannot have a shallow system where one ship is clearly the best.
   
4. Makes healthcare and biology affect all the other parts of the game…. It is our bodies and minds after all. In the future, the wealthy will modify their bodies, just like their ships.
   
5. Uses a lot of these modules that are currently window dressing, but have amazing application. Things like blood pressure and reflex times and damage reduction and bio scanners and the HUD and incorporates it to a tiered clone system.
   

TLDR is We need a Cyberpunk / Eve style futuristic bio medical system with weapons and implants that completely change a persons capabilities and a jump clone system that reflects this. T5-T1 clones 5 being a throwaway and 1 being a Spartan from Halo. T1 would have the exact HUD we have now with additional systems. T4 and less is like the game in photo mode with nothing. People take for granted how much information you get from the HUD and who would really have access to it?
The beauty of this is while it sounds like a lot and would add 25-50% more careers, economys, gameplay and strategy’s from a gameplay perspective. Its actually not much at all from a development point of view. It would reuse all of the current systems now, and add a few skills like scanning / hacking and weapons like EMP, Darts to humans. Generally, this is how it would work.
T5 clone is a meat bag with a 4 hour life used as a spare tire. It’s the base level. Operated similar to when you’re drunk because The damage from the cryo. You can do stuff, but you are very limited. They can be carried around in 1 SCU containers or special lockers in big ships for dangerous work like reactor repairs etc.
T4 clone is a meatbag the same we are inhabiting right now IRL. Basically this is exactly like you turning off the game hud in photo mode. These cannot be cold stored and reused. No HUD or endgame information input at all outside of your Moby glass watch.
T3 clone is the first of the implants. It can take one implant. Combat might allow thermal vision or the local map and radar and crosshair. Exploration might have the ability to bookmark or see things on your HUD that you scanned from your ship. Conversation might add elements to charisma and talking people into doing things, getting better prices on goods, or hearing rumors about opportunities, etc. Covert allow you to scan people and check their inventory and run checks on who they are, what crimes they have committed, etc.
Basically it’s a stripped down version of the hud that’s active all the time even without helmets. It has to work in tandem with your mobi. You have to select one element.
T2 clone has upgraded reflexes, can run longer, survive more dmg and has the complete HUD suite. It has the bandwidth and upgrades to support 1 implant and 1 physical modification. Everything CIG has been adding can be added to the HUD but you have to switch between exploration, combat, conversation, covert etc. 1 physiological mod or weapon. Like a brain hacking chip that can open ship doors, and emp that shut down all electronics in a 20 m radius for 15 seconds or a drone or fiber optics camera. Then there are all the illegal modifications like hidden blades, Multi launchers with everything from neurotoxin to EMP darts.
T1 clone is very costly and made for combat and for solo explorers who need complete autonomy. 20% more hp, and basically 20% better everything. It has the complete HUD with the ability to Connect to the data stream of two ships in your party. If your buddys ship detect an enemy ship coming in it would pop up in your actual vision as a big red square with information. You would have the ability to zoom without a helmet on and have limited scanning just like your ships function on everything.
It could 2 implants. 1 legal and 1 illegal implant. Emp, Hacker etc
It also has two physical modifications. Blades, darts etc
Also the tier 2 and 1 are the only clones that are not harmed using heavy or power armor. The others are slowly harmed by s by the rapid and jarring servos, etc. so they are all time limited.
Imagine how amazing this would make the universe in general. You would have ripper docs implanting stolen, or military implants. Corpses would now be valuable if they had upgraded organs for implants. People would become targets just for their implants.
If you killed an assassin coming after you, you could take his cool tools.
Sometimes corpses could be worth as much as a ship. You could actually ransom back bodies.
You could have a repo men coming to collect the implants. Organ traders and human traffickers.
But it would also make T1 and 2 ships completely necessary in combat because they were the only ones who could rec clone military units.
Best of all. All of this code is already there. All of the heads up display and all these cool features they’ve been adding Would be the implants themselves.
The game the Way it is it doesn’t make sense that a Moby glass can produce all of this data. It makes the game more immersive as well.
It doesn’t have to be over the top like cyberpunk. But we almost have brain implants now and everything is going wireless, you really think in the future they’re gonna be wearing a wristwatch? Everything will be brain implant and wetware.
With these easy changes, we solve our medical problems and add a ton of depth along with the ability to add as much depth as we want.
All you would need is to create the UI for this, but the game already has a lot of that with its biological scanners. All the balancing could happen by biologically if you’re using implants, etc.
Jump clones would cost a lot of money to make, and healthcare in real life is one of the most expensive things. But just like the hospital doesn’t make you pay your bill the moment you’re out of surgery, we need to spread the cost to a later time.
The time the player needs to respawn is usually after they have already planned and loaded up and executed, but didn’t succeed. This is time where casual players set aside their block of playable hours. (when the kids are asleep and wife is watching something etc) So by making it too costly at that moment, ( 30 minutes to an hour, getting geared up and in ship flying back) your odds are they will just quit, which is not engaging for other players and your odds of a major war or event go down drastically. What’s good for the game and what was so successful in Eve was the fights after the opening.
Instead the front loading all the time investment, Charge 5-25k for the biomaterial. spread the cost of the death to a later time and let them pay off their debt when they log back in.
We also want to make the smaller tier 3 ships necessary while not killing the t1 and 2 beds.

Part 5
Gerard, God
Somewhere in time and space
He watched the passers-by as they moved about, following their daily routines, unaware of the fate that would shortly befall them. This was the time that fascinated Him the most. The moments before they finally understood that The Threat was here.
It was a sort of last hurrah, He thought. They didn't know it, but Gerard could nonetheless sense a sort of joi de vivre, a liveliness that simply didn't exist in prior times, and couldn't possibly exist in future ones. He watched mothers dote lovingly over their children, watched children hurl themselves into play with abandon, watched addicts take in their drugs like a drowning man would gulp for air. They might not known that there was no tomorrow for most of them, but they nonetheless seemed to put just a little bit of extra effort into everything.
Eventually, it came to an end, of course. It always did, no matter how many times He watched it. He saw happiness and mundanity give way to pain and suffering. Laughter was replaced by the screams of the dying. Life was replaced by death. The world replaced by destruction.
He sighed, leaving this timeline. He never watched the arrival of The Threat twice in the same timeline. There was nothing for Him to learn that way. His power was immense and total. He only had to witness The Threat once in each timeline to understand it.
Worst of all was the knowledge. The knowledge that He would only be able to save a single timeline. That all others would fall into ruin, destroyed and left to rot away. Only one could survive; the one that He chose. He could stop The Threat only once, for doing so would require Him to remain. Ever vigilant, ever ready to stop any recurrence.
He had to choose which timeline. That task was less than He feared, for now he knew that there were an infinite number of them. He could choose one with the right qualities, one whose nature would aid Him in His work. He realized then that He would, once He had chosen the proper timeline, finally watch The Threat come twice. Once, when He reviewed that timeline prior to choosing. And again, when He would stop it.
And stop it, He would. No other outcome was acceptable. He had already sacrificed too much. His mortality, His life, His happiness, His very soul itself. He had wrought Himself into a weapon, to strike down The Threat, and He would fulfill that purpose, no matter what.
----
Jerry Williams, Godslayer
Nibiru
We were sharks, swimming and darting among a school of fish. Gods and devas fled, screaming in terror as we flew through the swirling, chaotic energies that should have driven us -or at least my wife and daughter- mad within seconds. They had thought that their realm protected them.
Little did they know, we were already mad.
Inanna and I flanked a group of fleeing gods, preventing them from leaving this world, extending their essence into manifested bodies somewhere in one of the countless material worlds, or simply crossing the energy that was the core of their beings into the Spirit World. Here, in Nibiru, our divinities and demi-divinities gave us access to unlimited power. We seized it and wove nets with which to entrap those minor gods who could not find escape elsewhere, and had huddled here in fear of our coming.
As the group fled, we sped up, curving our course, which caused them to curve theirs, fearful of drawing too close to either of us. We moved slowly, carefully, angling them where we wanted them to go.
It wasn't long before the gaping maw of the Grandfather of the Gods came into view. Ixlublotl, the primordial god, the originator of divinity. The gods we herded realized their peril and turned to flee back the opposite direction, but there they found Aaina, burning towards them, screaming in rage and bristling with offensive energies.
Trapped, they had no choice. They attacked us. Emotions and thoughts, energy and matter, all of it flew at us in an orgy of sudden violence that churned the substrate of this world into a screaming chaos. All three of us linked our magics into a shield; a half-sphere of anti-magic that absorbed their attacks, sending the energy of which they were made back into into the swirling chaos around us.
They threw everything they had at us, a desperate last stand, driven by necessity and panic. All of it crashed against our defenses, the resulting streamers of magic filling the space around us with an all but impenetrable cloud. Hidden by that cloud, Ixy closed in.
By the time they realized that it was too late, it was over.
Ixy's physical body, that cloud-wrapped cacophony of maw-stalks, eye-stalks, spider-like legs and whipping tentacles, currently the size of a skyscraper, swept in, mouths snapping up the energies that were the cores of our quarry.
We came together when it was done. Inanna created a haven for us, allowing us to release the magic that held our bodies in stasis and protected us from the wild magic all around. It was a copy of our house, something she'd come up with a while back and shown to me with great pride. I had loved it, of course.
I sank into the loveseat with Inanna next to me as Aaina took the recliner.
"That's most of them," Aaina said.
"About thirty more," I replied. "And then we can start the next phase."
"Do either of you have any doubts about what we're doing?" she asked. I could see the indecision in her eyes. She was so young, and such a good girl. My heart broke at having dragged her into such dirty business.
"No," Inanna answered, her voice hard and confident.
"Yes," I added. "But at the end of the day, this is what needs doing."
Aaina looked back and forth between us, then nodded. None of us smiled.
----
Emily Windham, Wizard, Artificer
Fremont, Nebraska, at the corner of E 4th Ave and N Main St
Emily turned just in time to see the massive troll hit Jim Carmichael with a shoulder, sending the trooper flying before angling at her with no change in speed.
Acting on pure instinct, she conjured a wall of force between them. The troll slammed into it, shattering the magics that held it together with raw force, but the wall did its job, stopping the warrior in his tracks.
Emily snatched the rune-engraved knife off her belt and surged forward, jumping at the last second to put her in range of the troll's huge neck. The blade plunged in, and she released a quick burst of magic that made her legs and off hand sticky, allowing her to cling to the thing, too close for it to use its battleaxe on her.
She ripped the knife out and plunged it in again and again as the barbarian roared in pain and indignation at being hurt so badly by a foe so tiny. Emily grabbed his beard, yanking hard to bring his eyes to hers as she slammed the knife in and twisted, the magic in the blade telling her when it found his windpipe and carotid artery.
Blood sprayed, coating her face and shoulders. The troll's roars were cut off in a gurgling, breathy hiss. He stumbled, then fell. Emily rode him down, her eyes locked onto his, watching all hopes of victory, or even survival, fade from them. She lost herself in those eyes, in the mystery that was this troll's life, ending right before her. She saw the regrets, the crushed hopes, the shame of defeat and wondered at the context.
The impact as they hit the ground broke the spell.
Emily released the magic and stood up, instincts trained into her by the security troops and war wizards making her search for more threats before she could even process what had just happened. But there were no more threats. That had been the last one.
Greg Ramirez walked towards her, his rifle barrel pointed down, hanging from the sling in front of his armor and all the various attachments that he and the security troops referred to as their 'battle rattle'.
"Nice work," he said, eyeing the troll, who continued to gasp for air, the sound of his labored breaths reminding Emily of a pig squealing. She looked down, searching for that orgasmic feeling her bio-dad had so desperately wanted her to share with him, but not finding it. All she found was a sense of satisfaction, yet even that was too much.
Years of therapy, of telling her story to trained clinicians and listening to and internalizing their advice. All of it had helped her make friends and move among the normal people, but it had never erased that feeling of satisfaction. This was the fourth time she'd killed a sentient being, and each time, she felt the exact same way. It was a victory.
Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the bark of Greg's rifle. The troll's head jerked and deformed, a splattering of blood coming out as a .277 fury round drilled a hole straight through his temples. She glanced up to find Greg still eyeing her.
"You did good," he said, his expression showing some concern.
"I liked it," she said quietly, her eyes turning back.
"You liked killing him?" Greg asked. Emily nodded, wondering if she'd always be fucked up.
"I killed him," Greg said. "And I damn sure liked it."
Emily turned back, eyeing him with some interest. Greg was, in many ways, the opposite of her. Cool, confident, charming and just all-around well-adjusted. She hadn't ever imagined that he wound enjoy something like this.
"It means I won," he explained. "It means that big, badass motherfucker showed up here trying to bully us, and take whatever he wanted from us, and little old me stood up and said 'no', and when he tried to force the issue, I took his life away. It feels like justice. It feels like one less motherfucker trying to kill me and my friends. Damn straight I liked it."
Emily smiled. She didn't realized she had smiled until Greg smiled back.
"I read your psych eval," he went on. "I know you think you're fucked in the head, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not. You're a warrior, that's it. Bloodlust isn't a bad thing, if it can be controlled. Enjoying killing isn't a bad thing, if you're killing the people that need killing. Give yourself a break, girl."
He clapped her on the shoulder, then took the back of her head with his free hand and pressed her forehead to his.
"I'm gonna recommend you be allowed to join the war wizard roster. You're all trained up, you're prepared for it, and from what I've seen today, you're a fucking natural."
Without waiting for a response, he let her go and turned away, grabbing the radio fob on his armor and squeezing it.
"Black Lead, this is Black-Two Actual. All raiders at the target site are neutralized. We're commencing a sweep now, will report back in thirty mikes."
Emily smiled at his back as he walked away. A part of her reflected that he was a natural leader, knowing exactly what to say to her in that moment. Another part didn't care, because it worked. She glanced down at the troll again, and didn't see a victim.
She saw a victory.
----
Kathy Evenson, Professional
Somewhere in the ruins of an ancient city in the Seventh World
Kells shifted nervously as Kathy continued to cut chits from the electrical panel lid with the magical laser emerging from her fingertip. He held his machete, really a short sword, in one hand, and his dagger in the other.
"We really shouldn't be much longer, Kath," he said. Kathy had explained to him the difference between Kath and Kathy, and even hinted at the things she'd done while possessed by Pissface and calling herself 'Kath', and even gone into some detail about how much she hated the nickname. Kells hadn't cared. He simply agreed with her, then continued to call her 'Kath'.
And the truth was, she really didn't mind that much.
She wasn't quite sure why, though she could hazard a guess. The man was disarming to a great degree. He presented himself as a dirty wanderer, a simple, violent man who shouldn't be trusted as far as you could throw him. But within just a few minutes of meeting him, she'd seen the intelligence in his eyes and words. She had seen the integrity in his negotiations with her, and the ethics that had turned him protective when the Searchers had appeared.
And despite that protectiveness, he still managed to avoid being patronizing. When she'd told him how she planned to get his chits, he had warned her of the dangers, then agreed to come along without hesitation when she didn't change her mind. Kells was a good man, she thought, and if a good man wanted to call her Kath, she supposed she could let him reclaim the name from the hell it had once represented.
"It won't be much longer," she said. She already had over seven hundred, and this plate would bring her to eight hundred. She only needed five or six more. This deep in the ruins, there was an untouched electrical box on almost every building. Some had been corroded, but most were surprisingly intact.
As she cut the final strip into chits, a roar sounded. It was a gurgling, rasping roar, unlike anything she had ever heard before. Or rather, the first one had been unlike anything she had ever heard before. This was the third time she'd heard it, and it sounded closer than the last two.
"That's no good sign, right thur," Kells said.
Kathy finished, dumping the little squares of galvanized steel into her bag and standing up.
"Come on," she said. "We'll go a couple blocks away from whatever that was before I cut the next one."
"Aye," Kells agreed, his head swiveling on his shoulders as he followed her down the alley. Kathy took note of how spooked he was. He seemed more nervous here than he had with the Searchers right in front of him. She supposed that might have something to do with the nature of the threats. The Searchers were, regardless of power and reputation, mere humans. Whereas whatever was making that roar was clearly some sort of monster.
She led him six blocks in a direction away from the roar before she stopped to examine the buildings. They had moved into a downtown area, which was one of the reasons she had stopped. The buildings here were closer together, which should make the rest of her task quicker. She found a good cover and ripped the little padlock off, then pulled it open and off its hinges.
A mass of spiders rushed out of the electrical box. She jerked her hand away, but they ignored her, scurrying down the wall and vanishing into the cracks between the bricks, safe once again in enclosed darkness.
She began to cut as Kells again stood watch.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the panel when another roar sounded, even closer than the last, and from a different direction.
"Call it," Kells said. "Call it now, Kath. Better ye collect some more later on than deal with the beast makin' them sounds."
"What kind of beast?" Kathy asked. She kept cutting, but glanced up and around, not seeing anything but filthy, dilapidated alleys.
"Walkers, they call 'em," Kells said. "Like great spiders, but rottin' away, with bones stickin' out an' flesh hangin' off th'legs."
"Great spiders?" Kathy asked. "How big?"
"Bigger'n a building."
"You've seen them yourself?" Kathy asked.
"Only once," Kells said, his voice growing quieter. He seemed to be done speaking for a moment, staring around. But after a few seconds, he continued.
"Friend o'mine, name o' Gil. We used t'work together, he an' I. I were real new to runnin' a caravan crew back then, about ten years back. Gil were an old hand at it, though. Took me under 'is wing and taught me th'roads, as it were.
"Anyways, we'd taken a pair o' contracts. Rough ones, with a tight timetable. Merchants needed t'get to Freeman's Port post-haste. One faster'n th'other. Gil took that one, left me with the easier one, though that weren't t'say it were an easy job.
"We was in Craster's Holdfast at th'time, an smack in between there an' Freeman's Port were an ancient ruin. Big one, 'bout the size o' this'un, in fact. Normally, it took about a week t'travel between the two places, but if one were brave or foolhardy enough, they could cut through th'ruins an' make it in five days.
"Well, old Gil had that in mind. We left together, an' at th'place where ye normally would turn north t'go around the ruins, he led his caravan on straight. I prayed fer their safety that night, but never really believed anything would happen. Gil were an experienced caravaner, an' tougher'n anyone else I'd ever met.
"Two days later, we was walkin' this ridgeline north o'the ruins when somethin' called out t'me. Not sure what, exactly. I started lookin' south, scannin' the ruins, an' sure enough, I found Gil's caravan, walking down a wide road between th'largest buildings. They was movin' at quite a clip, I hav'ta say.
"I were tickled pink, at first. Because we'd made near as good a time as they had, despite movin' almost a day's north to skirt th'ruins. But as I watched, I realized that they weren't just travelin', they was runnin'."
Kells sighed, his eyes distant and full of old regrets.
"That's when I saw one. A great Walker, striding out o' th'deepest part o' th'ruins. The way it moved were like nothin' I ever seen before. It crawled along th'sides o' the ruins themselves, like a spider almost, but always with two or three feet on th'ground.
"It came fer th'caravan, and fell on 'em in a slaughter. I watched it breathe fire down on 'em, stompin' men flat with its feet an' scooping 'em up with its great claws."
He sighed again, then looked down. He tucked his sword under his armpit and used his hand to rub his eyes for a moment, before taking the blade up again.
"Killed 'em all, it did. Erry single one, as I live an' breath. An' when it were done, it went around, stompin' th'bodies flat. Never ate one, jes did all it could t'make sure that not a single survivor lived t'tell the tale. I were shook something fierce, I tell ya. Took me own caravan down off the ridge, t'avoid bein' spotted. We ended up arriving a day late, but to this day, I thank me lucky stars we made it at all."
Another sigh came, and Kathy heard the cracks in his voice as he continued on.
"Not Gil, though. Nor any o'them what worked for him, or th'merchant what hired him. A few years later, I worked up th'courage t'take a couple o'men into the ruins, t'find the bodies. I found bones dressed in Gil's clothes. I took his sword, which had survived, an' is th'one I carry to this day. I think Gil'd be pleased to know his blade had saved me life, quite a few times since."
Kathy finished cutting the cover up and stood to put her hands on Kells' shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me that," she said, her voice gentle. "I can tell it's an important story to you."
Kells nodded and sniffed once, then jerked his head in the direction away from the most recent roar. "I still think we should get out o' here, Kath," he said. "I'll face down the Searchers an' be happy o' a good death, should they take me. But them Walkers... They ain't warriors ye can face an' die with honor. One o'them things finds us, there ain't no fightin' it. We jes' die screaming, th'only consolation coming when it's all over."
Kathy weighed his words carefully. Kells knew this world far better than she did. And while she knew her own abilities far better than anyone here, she had to be mindful not to be too arrogant. Kells had told her how a single Walker had slaughtered an entire caravan of experienced fighters, led by an experienced leader.
"Okay," she said. She handed the bag to Kells. "There should be about eight hundred and fifty chits in there. You can count them out later, and I'll trust your count. After I find what I'm looking for, I'll collect the rest and we'll settle up."
"Good call," Kells said. He tied the bag off to his belt and walked to the corner of the building, peeking around. When he was satisfied, he nodded. Kathy joined him, and together, they made a beeline to the edge of the ruins.
They had made it about halfway out when another roar sounded, this one right on top of them. A rumbling crash sounded from her right, and Kathy turned to see rubble falling to the ground as something massive rose off the ground, two blocks over.
"Stars an' stones," Kells swore, then shouted "Run!"

Most meetings should be an email:
Their “all hands on deck” meetings are early in the morning, even though the first three hours of your workday are your most precious and productive and should be reserved for the most important tasks where focus, attention, high cognitive function, willpower is needed, according to research. Willpower or mental energy regulates your thoughts, emotions, impulses, and performance control.
Top management has recurring meetings but it seems like the topic was determined 5 min beforehand because the meetings are often all over the place, with no clear agenda, and random topics. Often, they feel like a parent lecturing their teenager.
Meetings are mandatory. Most employees do not really have to be there. The meetings do not affect the actual day to day job functions. The main purpose for these meetings seems to be for unity (or the appearance of). They are often not productive. Not useful and not engaging for most employees. Not worth spending company time. Not used for coaching or mentoring. Not used for making decisions. They are not about a complex issue that needs to be talked through ideas and solutions. In actuality, 98% of the meetings should really just be emails. There are three regular weekly meetings: about 80-90% of them include testimonies or personal stories and about 10-20% is someone sharing statistics (about the products they produce) or status updates or the behind the scenes (how the "hotdogs" are made). One out of about four meetings involve a recount of the ministry's history. If one did not attend the meetings, nothing would change. There really would not be any consequences that would affect doing your job.
Finally, Managers or employees who have traveled internationally are the only ones that get to speak and address the entire ministry. Everyone else doesn't get a voice.
Testimonies or personal stories:
Stories and testimonies as a form of encouragement and motivation are not bad or not useful; however, there are other areas in the work culture that are lacking that destroy any built up motivation. Employees are expected to have some kind of emotional response to them. Over the months and years, stories and testimonies become overused. In fact, you will hear so many testimonies that, over time, they will blurr and you will probably become desensitized to them. Stories and testimonies are probably seen as a way of providing support to employees but other supports are also lacking and needed (e.g., better leadership, empowerment, resources, tools, better communication, regular check ins, accountability, empathy, feedback, personal and professional development). Stories, anecdotes, and testimonies seem to be used to deflect from some of the problems in the ministry culture.
Top management pressures employees to feel a certain way. They want them to always feel encouraged and motivated by everything and anything the ministry does:
If you replace "encourage" with Love" and then talk to your wife....
“I took out the trash, that should make you feel loved. I mowed the lawn, that should make you feel loved. I picked up my laundry, that should make you feel loved. I went exercised today, that should make you feel loved. i helped an old lady cross the street.”
This makes it all about YOU, not how your wife actually feels! in fact, you are manipulating her to feel a certain way by what you did!
"If you are not feeling loved by all these things I did, then something is wrong with YOU.”
So management tells employees how they should be feeling about things. Performance is often not rewarded. Many employees do not know how much management cares about them as a person. What would be really encouraging is if management gave employees confidence, listed better, spoke to their needs, and empowered them.
Meetings - introverts vs extroverts:
Meetings are not set up to accommodate the basic differences between introverts and extroverts (e.g., how they best think, work, process information, communicate, learn; introverts typically dislike noise and big group settings) nor of how people need to manage their energy (ultradian rhythms). Management does not use information about individual team members’ personalities and predilections to formulate norms and dynamics that are respectful to everyone. Research indicates that in a typical six-person meeting, two people do more than 60% of the talking. In bigger groups, like the 100+ group at FCBH, the problem is worse. Management allows a certain dominant personality to do all the talking. They are not coached to listen, reflect, and become more open to the perspectives of their more silent peers. Top management does not send the meeting agenda in advance and ask for written feedback to give introverts time to formulate thoughts and summon the courage to share them.
Management’s definition of a “successful” meeting is different from that of other organizations. Top management does not appear to have any training in meeting science. Most meetings do not provide value to all attendees. They are not set up for employees to contribute and add value to them. Also, no opportunities to give feedback on meeting quality when meetings end.
A “Christian” version of CRT:
The opinions and perspectives of international employees are valued over local/american employees. Employees who are international (and especially those who live in persecuted areas) are often prioritized and favored. Their voice, their input, is often considered more important because top management pressures them to share and speak.
If there is a need, entire ministry is notified to pray if the need is from internationals but not if the need is local.
Personal convictions. Money:
Top management tends to have some childhood trauma, that is the root cause of their strong personal convictions, that often comes out during their mandatory meetings. These “preaching” moments usually have to do with money. They grew up poor or had strict parents or been around groups, ministries, and churches that abused money and now they get triggered or feel guilty when they see new things and resist replacing things like whiteboards and chairs: "if we already have something, we don't need to replace it = if it ain't broke, don't fix/replace it. wear your shoes out until your soles poke through the bottom before buying new ones." They seem to get triggered when employees ask them for upgrades/replacements” “if it can still 'technically' work, then it's fine.”
Compromises:
In order to fulfill their deadlines and to keep up appearances with ministry partners and donors, management will often “let things go”. Things such as quality of the recordings or training issues with internationals. They are willing to sacrifice quality control to get the results their supporters want to see.
Employee well-being:
Top management often makes assumptions about the well-being and contentment of employees.
They do not invest time and effort in comprehending genuine emotions and needs to create a supportive and harmonious work environment.
No consideration for managing energy or attention. No discussions on employees’ health and wellness goals. Instead, employees are expected to focus, to look at computer screens for extended periods of time (an 8 hrs shift includes two short breaks) even though editing and processing audio and video requires high mental energy and prolonged focus. Management often ignores telltale singles of burnout and fatigue. No effort is made to increase energy, reduce fatigue, and improve job performance. So, consistency, accuracy, and quality of recordings are affected as well as employees’ well-being.
Moveover, no paid maternity or even work from home options for new parents. Many new moms have left. New parents must be use PTO if they want time with their new baby.
The end result? Low moral, isolation, aloneness. Many employees are overworked and underappreciated. Many are not satisfied with their position. Most work until they burn out. Someone said this and it's true: for every employee that leaves, they have to hire at least two people to replace them. Sure, there are some long-term or for life employees who have been around for 10+ years. Unfortunately, most of these employees have outdated skills and would have a difficult time finding work (there is no continuing education or certifications offered) if they wanted to leave (or were let go). In addition, many of the skills employees learn on the job are non-transferrable. So, many choose to stay and remain loyal to the ministry because the cost of leaving is just too high.
No windows; no natural light:
Most of the building has no windows. Something to note if you struggle with depression.
People are different:
Management seems to lack an understanding of how people are wired, how each person is different, what drives their behavior and what they’re capable of doing with their skills. Not much consideration for each person’s individual goals, strengths, and weaknesses. Management does not create situations that encourage employees to motivate themselves.
So, work areas do not reflect the needs of Gen Z and millennials, the basic differences between introverts and extroverts (e.g., how they think, work, process information, communicate, learn), how personality impacts work preferences and styles. No awareness of how people need to manage their energy (ultradian rhythms). They do not allow people to work the way they want to; extroverts should feel comfortable taking time to socialize, while introverts should have license to work remotely or take breaks from the team.
Top management does not recognize that individuals may not always express their inner concerns or desires openly. They don’t sculpt jobs to enhance individual engagement: they don’t seek to understand the unique motivations of employees or develop each employee’s career. No incentives or rewards are provided. Not much authentic appreciation is shown. Employees have value as people (not just as producers), and management needs to communicate in ways that are meaningful to the recipient (as opposed to just going through the motions). Management must adopt business practices that help employees have a personal life.”
Work family:
Despite current best business practices, management will continually use the phrase “work family”.
All about the numbers:
There is more focus on production than the core values of the ministry. Top management almost idolizes how many bibles are produced. There is a focus on goals and numbers which often comes off as self-righteous and self-promoting and self-important: Numbers of bibles produced, numbers of people who receive those bibles, numbers of testimonies from those that get the bibles. Focus seems to be on the products FCBH produces over the people reached. Focus is on getting bibles to people. Focus is not on discipleship or teaching people how to correctly interpret the Bible they receive so they can become more like Jesus. Top management seems to be more focused on what they have done well rather than on what others have done well. And they often take credit for accomplishments that should be credited to God.
Theology at work:
Management does not want discussions to get “too theological”, they want to keep it “practical”, as though good practice did not require careful thought to direct it. They discourage employees from discussing theology because they want to keep “unity” and avoid division among Christians, however, they will present their own theological positions and convictions but not allow other employees to question or share their own views and opinions especially on controversial topics (e.g., spiritual gifts, hearing from God, fasting, finances, stewardship, prophesy, replacement theology).
Favoritism:
Major donors to the ministry are singled out to entire staff and praised. The poor widow with two coins wouldn't get any mention. This makes it seem that the ministry only really cares about the major donors. All donors should be anonymous to employees that are not directly working with the donors.
Employees who are pastors are also favored:
They are often asked to pray or give a word in meetings as if their prayers and words are above employees who are not pastors. As if God will take extra time and attention to hear from them and answer their prayers.
Inconsistencies:
Some “special” employees are allowed to work remotely for some unknown reason. Most employees requesting to WFH are denied. This is never explained and so it creates division, confusion, and envy.
Birthday, thanksgiving, and Christmas parties vary drastically by department: some departments work half day and get together off site to celebrate; some work full day and have no party; some work full day and have a 30min party onsite (during work hours?); some have food only, some have food and games, some have everyone bring in food but some have the ministry? provide the food; some have gift exchange and some don’t….
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Conclusion:
Some people might say this is all superficial and selfish, all that really matters is getting bibles to people. You be the judge. Many have chosen to ignore these issues and remain loyal to the ministry; some stay and think things will get better; others stay because they have nowhere else to go; some mentally check out; some have spoken out and been labeled as “causing disunity” and then let go, and many others have chosen to leave. Unfortunately, the people most sensitive to a decrease in the quality of the culture are typically those with the most resources, skills, and talents that could be used to effectuate improvement. The people who are the least sensitive to quality usually have fewer resources, skills, and talents.

If you are thinking about working at or if you are thinking about donating to Faith Comes By Hearing/Hosanna [https://www.faithcomesbyhearing.com](https://www.faithcomesbyhearing.com/) you should consider the following. Having worked at Faith Comes By Hearing myself for decades, you should be aware of their culture and ideology. (Arranged from most important to least.)
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\*Treatment of the Bible:
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Grammatical, historical and cultural context as well as literary genre are all ignored by top management. So, Scripture is often misquoted and misused:
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Ignoring basic, common sense guidelines, rules for interpreting the Bible results in misinterpreting, misunderstanding, and misapplying the Bible. Management ignores the fact that observation (what the text says) must always come before interpretation (what the text means); and interpretation always comes before application (how the text applies to me). They do not consider the Bible text objectively first: They treat the text subjectively or relatively or assume what the passage text means. And they ignore the fact that a text cannot mean today what it never could have meant to the original authors and original readers. Exegesis is often contrasted with “eisegesis”; the Greek preposition εἰς means “into,” and hence eisegesis means reading your own meaning into the text. Bible study is not reading your personal theology into some biblical passage. Bible study is letting the text talk to us; we are the listeners, not the talkers. Many Christians just want to know what the Bible “means to me.” If you stop to think about it, this just is not possible. We must do the hard work of learning the author’s original meaning first, and without that we can’t ever know “what it means to me.” A text cannot mean what it never meant.
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\*Feelings and experiences rule:
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There is a focus by top management on personal experiences and feelings instead of a studied period of reflection: Emotional, simple, popular teaching instead of intellectually careful and doctrinally precise teaching. Bible studies go straight to the question, “What does this passage mean to me?” while bypassing the prior question, “What does the passage say and why do I think my interpretation is correct?” Management promotes and allows employees to get away with applying an understanding of a passage that is based on vague feelings or first impressions and not on the hard work of reading the context, verifying with commentaries and using study tools such as concordances, Bible dictionaries, and the like because a careful exercise of reason is not important in understanding what the Bible actually says for management. Besides, it takes work! For management, Christianity is identified with subjective feelings, sincere motives, personal piety, and blind faith. Management tests the truth not by a careful application of our God-given faculties of thought, or even by biblical mandates (for example, 2 Corinthians 10:5), but rather by private subjective experiences. For the most part, theoretical reason is just not part of the culture at FCBH. In fact, top management will often spiritualizing normal, everyday things like advice, facts, common knowledge:
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Example during a meeting, the CEO said he saw a full moon, then clouds formed & covered the moon, then clouds dissipated. He then said he felt God say: "I can turn nothing into something; something into nothing; turn this ministry into something & if it goes thick & blocks Jesus; it has to diminish.”
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So, personal, subjective experiences that top management shares equals truth that employees must agree with or at least accept as true.
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Also, time is money, but management uses their mandatory meetings to discuss controversial or complex topics (e.g., fasting, communion, tithing, personal stewardship of money, helping the homeless, how to create more interaction with remote workers, how to retain employees, how to hire more Gen Z employees, past trauma), most of which are unrelated to the actual work. Then they ask employees (most of which have no authority to get things changed/done) what their opinion is about the controversial or complex topic, instead of consulting with professionals or experts.
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So, top management will read a bible verse (not a paragraph, not a chapter, a verse; usually out of context) using a version of the Bible that is almost a paraphrase. Then share something personal that happened to them, something they did or saw or experienced or a personal conviction that is not related to the verse. Then explain how they felt about it, how they interpreted it. Then they will ask employees (especially internationals) to share similar experiences. And, then if no one shares or comments or speaks, management makes employees feel guilty: Along the lines of “So, God is not working in your life?”
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Example: “I felt God give me this verse about gossip. Let me share with you some personal stories about gossip…. This is how I see it. Now, in the last 5 min of our time, I want people to share. I especially want input from internationals. Does anyone have anything to say about this? No, one? Is God not speaking to you? How can God not be moving and speaking? This is unreal….”
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Top management will often use a reader response or subjective biblical interpretation: “This is what I think this verse means. What do you think this verse means? What stood out to you? What did you learn? What is God asking you to apply?” This is a very self-centered way to interpret Scripture. The focus is all about you. What you think. What you feel. But, “The Bible is not about you.” - Timothy Keller. And this leads to people looking at the same verse and coming up with completely different interpretations. Everybody seems to have an opinion on what the Bible says/teaches.
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So, instead of discovering what the original author said to the original readers. They will take Biblical concepts (e.g., called to ministry; felt led by the Spirit; God spoke to me; felt peace) and then add new meanings to them which the original author did not intend. This is dangerous since it leaves employees with doubt, disillusionment, disappointment, discouragement, and false hope and can leave them with unmet, unrealistic, and false expectations. Top management will also take subjective, unclear biblical principles or non-essentials, or personal convictions and make them scriptural authority and then judge other Christians who do not agree. They will treat the Proverbs as promises. They will also not make an effort to distinguish between Biblical principles and practices which are relative, time bound, culturally subjective, Biblically illustrated (not commanded). They will often make hasty generalizations. They will beg the question. They will commit special pleading, dictionary simpliciter, reductive, faulty analogy and many other fallacies. They will also allegorize promises in Scripture and spiritualize all principles. They assume that all historical narratives have individual identifiable moral application. God’s word should be taught clearly, not in a distorted manner. Top management will proof text and use religious words to promote their agenda.
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And top management will encourage others to have this view/philosophy of Bible interpretation. Many incorrectly interpret the Bible and do not even realize it.
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I pray to God that this bad method of interpretation is not being taught to internationals, to people who have never had bibles, who do not have biblical discernment, who don't know any better.
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\*Inductive Bible study and internationals:
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Hermeneutics has been defined as the science and art of biblical interpretation. Hermeneutics helps us understand the Bible. It is a science because there are specific rules the interpreter must follow. It is an art because it takes years of practice to develop the ability to employ those rules properly. There is a difference between a novice and a seasoned interpreter. Hermeneutics has two basic steps, finding what the text meant to its original audience, and then seeing how it applies to our current situation. Unfortunately, many people (Americans included), impose their own personal experiences, theology, and modern culture on to the Biblical text.
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Fortunately, God has allowed us (especially Americans) to have Bible dictionaries, commentaries, handbooks, atlases, etc., to help us with correct hermeneutics, to understand the essential historical and cultural information - the context of the original author and readers of the Bible. We have tools that shed light on the text and help us to arrive at the correct interpretation. When you read a commentary, it will provide checks and balances against your possible mistakes. They can answer questions that a reading of the text can never provide or ask questions that you may never think of asking. Unfortunately, many international people groups do not have access to these tools (or even access to mature, trained, and experienced Christians and pastors). And even if they do have access to resources, they may not know how to use them properly (i.e., limitations of commentaries).
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Grammatical-Historical Method or Inductive Bible study can easily be done with printed or digital Bibles. But how can a person do this with audio and video Bibles? This is critical especially for international people groups that do not have access to (and may never have) print Bibles.
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False gospels and heresies are popular in illiterate people groups because they are not taught discernment or how to evaluate Scripture and the thoughts of others for themselves. People with ulterior motives misuse Scripture and end up influencing the illiterate.
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If these Bible Films and audio Bibles are considered to be actual Bible Translations – video and audio translations of the Bible and the equivalent to and sometimes a replacement for print scripture – then should we also make it a point to teach people who are watching and listening to our video and audio Bible translations Biblical hermeneutics (historical-grammatical interpretation)? How to study the Bible properly for themselves?
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My experience has been that many non-Christians (and Christians) misquote or misinterpret the Bible because they do not know how to actually read and study it on their own to find out what the text actually meant to the original author and audience and seeing how it applies to their current situation.
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There are many ways to study the Bible, and there are many excellent study aids available to help you with specific books of the Bible. But the most important thing you need to remember is that to find out what the Bible says, you need to read it yourself in a way that will help you discover what it says, what it means, and how you are to apply it to your life. And the best way to do this is through the process called inductive study. Inductive study doesn’t tell you what the Bible means or what you should believe. Instead, it teaches you a method of studying God’s Word that can be applied to any portion of Scripture at any time.
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Inductive Bible study draws you into personal interaction with the Scripture and thus with the God of the Scriptures so that your beliefs are based on a prayerful understanding and legitimate interpretation of Scripture.
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\*Artistic freedom concerns:
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Another concern is with the artistic freedom or personal preference when it comes to audio and video Bible media (when these function as replacements for print Scripture). How much can be taken before you compromise the historical accuracy or the meaning and understanding of the original message? A good translation must be faithful to the historical situation and not change the cultural background. In Bible Translation, the translator’s first job is to study the text carefully to discover the correct meaning (what the original author wanted to communicate). Do international people groups understand that the “artistic freedom” (e.g., how the film is lit, the key shots, angles it shoots from, close-ups, point of view, sets, locations and props, editing, the dialogue and the actors’ performance and emotions, wardrobe choices, soundtrack, visual transitions, reference shots), the visuals and sound, are all NOT inspired?
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Biblical and Orthodox Christianity teaches that All Scripture (not just some) is inspired by God who utilized the human element within man to accomplish this without error.The very WORDS (not just the ideas, even parts of letters, and sometimes the tense of verbs) are a result of the mind of God expressed in human terms and conditions. The Bible IS fully true in all that it teaches or asserts to be true (including historical and scientific matters). Only the original documents (autographs) are completely free from error. Does FCBH make an effort to explain this to people groups? If not, then there will be conflict when the visuals and sounds that are added do not match the Biblical text. There will be confusion, doubt, disillusionment, disappointment, discouragement, false hope when people are confronted with unmet, unrealistic, and false expectations.
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So, using audio and especially video as Bibles should come with some teaching of the basic principles of film criticism, the doctrine of inspiration (difference between artistic freedom and the Word of God), and inductive Bible study or Bible interpretation.
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\*Communicating the truth:
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They employ a presuppositional and fideistic/experiential approach to evangelism: In the many testimonies that are shared, many of the people who receive the audio bibles say they believe in Jesus because FCBH gave them bibles that are in their native language. Makes you wonder what would happen if the audio was from the Quran or book of Mormon. Would they believe in anything as long as it was in their own language? FCBH does not seem to make sure people are actually believing facts. There seems to be no appeals to evidence and reason for the truthfulness of the Christianity. One should become a Christian and believe that Jesus is God because it is true (from reason, historical evidence, archaeological evidence, theistic arguments) and not because the Bible one reads is in a certain language. You should follow Jesus because He is God and proved it; not because He speaks your language.
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\*Hearing from God?
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Many in management practice “hearing from God” and then claim God said something specific and personal to them and to the ministry. This practice uses God's name in vain. And often use God to avoid personal responsibility - “I heard from God; God told me; I felt led; God spoke to me…” They then put what happens on God, so they avoid any personal responsibility if it does not come to pass. They make Christianity out to be personal, private, and a matter of “how I feel about things.” Many Christians actually feel spiritually sub-standard and defeated because for them “the heavens have been silent”. This can be debilitating, and it’s profoundly unfair to employees if their only shortcoming is entertaining a false expectation of what a relationship with God entails. Conversations are often littered with casual references to one’s latest revelations without any sense of the gravity of the assertion, or any sense of responsibility to justify the claim. Even Jesus Himself didn’t presume to speak for God without compelling evidence. But, management takes personal opinions and spiritualize them as if they were God’s word to give divine authority to impulses or thoughts that drift through their minds. To say “God is telling me” gives feelings an authority the Scripture does not justify and virtually ends debate. You can’t argue with the person if God supposedly gave the command. Trusting inner feelings is not biblical. It’s confusing at best, and dangerous at worst.
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And with certain requests from employees, when top management does not want to do something, they will respond by saying things like: “I need to pray about it first. Sorry, I do not feel led. I need to get confirmation first. I need to have peace about it first. I need to hear from God first.” But with other things, with things they want to do, they do not need to pray about it first, do not need to feel led, do not need to get confirmation first, do not need to have a peace about it first, do not need to hear from God first. When management does not want to do something, they pass the responsibility off to God (“We cannot…. because God didn’t tell us to do it. Didn't get confirmation.”); but when they do want to do something, they don't seek God and do what they want (“We have decided and are going to… and we don’t need to ask God for guidance or permission”).

One may note some similarities and some recurring themes in NDEs etc., perhaps.
It is perhaps worth noting that it is possible that some NDE accounts if one will, are part of an individual's specific spiritual journey(though this may not be immediately obvious to either the individual recounting the NDE in question, nor to their "audience" who is "hearing" said "recounting" if one will, perhaps).
They who have/experienced the "NDE" in question, may interpret the NDE according to their semi-worldly perspective in such a way, from a certain perspective, as a sort of "means to an end", and the lessons learned in association with said NDE may serve as a potentially more niche than is immediately obvious potentially, "wisdom lesson" of sorts, via which to "guide"/"inspire" them in this specific incarnation etc.
Many NDEs would suggest that there are supernatural beings and or "Angels" which help and aid humans per se, or those "living as humans" during their "Earthly lives", regardless of broader themes discussed in said NDEs in general perhaps.
However, there are possible short-comings of some NDE accounts in that the individual may make statements/observations/recount "experiences" per se, which are potentially "specially-tailored" and "unique", in some way perhaps, to them, in a sense, and may experience said experience, and or learn from them(said "experiences"), whether consciously or unconsciously, in association with the way that their personal spiritual etc., "evolution" if one will, is being, in a sense, potentially "guided"/"led", and hence, one may want to be somewhat weary of drawing too many broad conclusions based on the topics discussed in some NDEs; in that said "lessons" whether direct/indirect, may be more "niche" than may be obvious, if one will, and may be specific stepping stones of wisdom/knowledge/awareness, if one will, that are designed for that specific individual who "had" said supposed experience, in said specific instances(specific NDEs) in question, at said specific time in their life, as opposed to a treatise in a sense, directly and or indirectly on broader spiritual themes/"truths", if one will.
E.G. it is possible that some NDE associated experiences may appear to be indicative of and or almost "definitive" regarding certain broader spiritual themes, to a specific individual who "had" said experience, but said experiences may have been in a sense "orchestrated"/"choreographed"/"arranged"/"organized" to appeabe perceived as such, in such a way, so as to facilitate the "perception", if one will, of a specific sort of spiritual-experience, so as to facilitate a specific spiritual learning experience/"correction" almost/"fore-guidance"/"encouragement"/"inspiration" that was appropriate for said specific individual, who may have experienced said specific NDE, in said specific moment in their life, in said specific potential "incarnation" in question, etc.,
Hence, in sum, perhaps, though NDEs may seem to at times cover quite "broad"/"vast" spiritual themes if one will, it is possible that the events "experienced" seemingly by some who may have had NDEs per se, may be more "niche" "specific" than would otherwise be immediately obvious to said individual, and hence as an observer of/ a listeneviewer of a recounting of an NDE one may be somewhat-mislead, potentially, by the otherwise reasonably inferred implications of the story being told(by the purported NDE experience), if one will. This(suggestion of "caution", if one will) may specifically pertain to broader spiritual topics as presented in any given NDE; as that experience may have been more "personalized" than may be immediately/superficially obvious. "Obvious", in regards to the perspective of either, for example, the experiencer or in regards to the perspective of those hearing etc., the recounting of the experiences, which may be supposedly associated with said supposed NDE-"event" etc., perhaps.
In short though NDEs may, often times, seem to covetouch on extremely broad and vast, if one will, spiritual themes, they are none the less, perhaps specific events that happened at specific times in a specific person's life, supposedly/potentially, and hence, just as various other kinds of events can be/may be sort of "choreographed"/"arranged"/"orchestrated" potentially, so as to facilitate a specific type of learning experience/situation/in regards to a specific individual/"observer" in question, according to their(said NDE-"experiencer") associated "sense of perception" and in turn in accordance with said NDE-experiencer's seeming "fate"/"destiny"/"life path", etc., if one will. In-turn, it is possible that that(said NDE in question) was a specific, much more nice-wisdom associated sort of learning-experience(than may be immediately obvious), and that, in turn, said there associated "wisdom" may have been "what that person "needed"/and or was "meant" to see/healearn, potentially, at that specific moment in their life, if one will, as a sort of "means to an end" along a "broadelonger(seemingly) journey" if one will, as opposed to necessarily being indicative-of, and or definitive in regards to "the truth", perhaps, regarding broadevaster spiritual themes if one will, etc.

If you were in a relationship with someone, broke up with them/got broken up with &then got back together, how did all that process go? How do you get along now? Did anything change?
Im asking because I just kind of broke up with my bf. Long story. I am debating whether or not, after some time, it would be worth considering giving him another chance. His behaviour and habits determined me to do it and I don't know if he would be capable of change. I see a lot of good qualities in him, qualities that I am looking for in a husband, but he would have to really make an effort to be more mature (he's 29 and me 23) in order for me to take him back. There's been periods where he was very nice and not a lot of fighting, but also the opposite, mostly caused by his insecurities and attachment style. So I'm asking. Is 2-3 weeks enough for a person to get really scared they might lose you for good and start making changes so you can be better together?
Theres been some recurring issues in our relationship, not to call myself a saint, but most of our fights occured because of his insecurities, weird behavior, putting the blame on me when it was not the case and attachment style. If I do remember correctly, when we did the attachment style his was avoidant and mine secure.
I am pretty good friends with his mom and when I saw her the other day she asked me how I was doing and told me a few things I didn't know many details about when it comes to his behaviour. Basically, the putting the blame on others has always been there, the anger issues, recurring theme.
I took the decision of breaking up/taking a break( i don't even know how to consider it tbh, my thoughts are all mushed up still) because there's been times where he proved he can be very disrespectful towards me and his family, basically taking everyone for granted.
I spoke to my friends, gave them much more details then I'm going to post here (bc privacy). 2 of them told me I shouldn't waste any more of my time with him if in 1 year and a half I haven't seen much progress from him or if I think we're only kind of compatible. Makes sense, and their advice meant a lot, helped me organise my thoughts a bit. Another friend gave me different advice, to give the relationship space so he can understand what he did was wrong and he can't keep getting away with bs and taking me for granted.
Ill answer questions as I receive them bc I can't think properly now, too much info that I can't put into words.. haven't slept in a week so please try and be civil, I would love to hear both sides- people who broke up, got back together, nothing changed, broke up again AND people who broke up, got back together, the relationship changed for the better.
Thank you for reading and again, excuse my chaotic post!

I'm in my final sem at college; I have been interning at an MNC since 3rd year and I have a PPO there (30CTC). The offer letter requires me to finish college in 1st attempt; however I got a backlog in an S5 paper (although I have passing marks; I took the answer sheet and confirmed with faculty). Due to some reasons I couldn't give it for a formal review. I can reattempt the exam with my final sem exam and am sure to pass.. Should I / How should I bring this up to my HR earlier? Have you faced similar situations? HR is a pretty smart and objective lady, and I am close with her and I am also very close with senior management in my team... Any guidance on how to proceed? Have you lost an offer due to a backlog?

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

1. Either agender and/or pangender. I’m also either asexual and/or pansexual. I live comfortably alone but have a decent number of friends that I maintain communications with. Onlookers seem to believe I am dating all of them (not all at once but individually depending on which one I am “closest” to), which I take to mean that I apply no distinction between a friend and a partner (which I can agree with), hence the asexual/pansexual duality. Not really sure what this has to do with typing but there's a description.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Yes.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I had a whole paragraph here but I realised it was probably very NSFW so I've decided to remove this part.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I’m an engineer, a mix of both hardware and software. I like the work of my job, but I don’t care much for the job or career part of it. I don’t have any career ambitions and would rather just learn the skills that the work can provide me and then move on to becoming entirely self-sufficient and only working for myself. I don’t think it's the other people aspect I dislike here as such, more the lack of independence and control over how I spend my time. That said, it’s worth it to live on my own two feet away from disturbances in the house.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I know I would be completely fine, as I do this regularly. I don’t think I feel lonely nor refreshed. I generally have plenty to do with my time and find ways to occupy myself, even if that involves doing nothing and resting. If I’m interested in someone's thoughts or feelings on a topic I will just message them without issue and I usually do this once or twice a day, but there are many occasions in which I will just be focused on doing my own thing and won’t have contacted anyone.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I do all kinds of activities, from reading to games to sports. I’m very good at sports and enjoy them, but I usually choose to stay inside over doing them. I think to an onlooker a lot of my activities could look more like work than fun, but I get fun out of them. You would be most likely to find me (or not) inside reading some kind of research paper or building a machine. If not that then you’d find me playing a single player RPG/sandbox style game and if not that then you’d probably find me meditating/introspecting. You’d probably only find me outside playing sports if I’d been asked to by a friend.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
Very curious. I research just about everything in depth and if I had free time I would research even more. It’s become something of an inside joke at work that I will come in and have some kind of new theory or discovery to share with the office about some random topic that has nothing to do with the last. I don’t think I have more ideas than I can execute, it's more that I have more ideas than I do execute. I’m actually not a very ambitious person despite my insatiable curiosity, so there are many occasions where I will do nothing at all. Aside from the theories I create from whatever information/topic I have been researching, most of the ideas I present to others are to do with having fun. I often create small games using the objects we have in our environment (like playing cards or checkers pieces) on the spot, improvising the rules as we go along DnD style. I actually was invited to play DnD once with a friend group but I was something of a nightmare of a player since I would come up with completely outlandish ideas that the DM couldn’t handle. I was never invited to a session again after that.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Being a leader isn’t tied to my self identity at all, but it does seem to be the impression other people get about me. I have been told several times that I would make a good cult leader (concerningly) and that I always seem to end up in charge of a situation. I don’t really do this on purpose but a lot of the time I am the only one who will speak up and start moving a group forward when we are in a situation that calls for it. I have been told that I am quite a diplomatic leader that makes sure people get along, have something to do and feel supported. That said, I personally don’t like telling people what they should value. I am of the belief that it is their own choice to decide that. I will however help people by telling them the actions they could take in line with those chosen values. I also think conflict is quite important and I will only try to keep the conflict civil without ending it until both parties are satisfied and have conveyed everything they wish to. This also includes conflict with me, I dislike “sweeping things under the rug”.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I think I am. I often feel as though my entire body is under my control and I am very intune with any physical sensations. I fear being paralyzed or losing mental integrity. This is the reason I avoid dangerous and reckless behavior that could result in losing control of my mind or body. I will not partake in highly “extreme” sports such as free climbing and I will not consume any kind of drugs to an extent that it affects my mental state, including alcohol.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I’m not actually sure. I like writing stories and drawing, but I wouldn’t consider myself an artist. I am very interested in art and have been learning how to properly paint and create music on and off for a while now. I think it's probably similar to sports in the sense that I enjoy it but rarely choose it over another activity. I don’t really enjoy going to art museums, I find art to be subjective so interacting with it from such an objective standpoint disinterests me. A lot of my friends are artists and I support them in their endeavors.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I don’t think about the past much unless I actively make myself do so to search for something there. I am very in tune with the present and am constantly looking out for dangers in my environment and observing people, but it's not my main way of thinking. I am almost always thinking about the future, both in terms of potential futures as well as what future I am aiming for. I have some trouble deciding on a future to aim for since all of the options seem so appealing and I don’t particularly want to close any of them off. There is a part of me that wishes I was immortal so that I could experience as much of everything as possible. This is probably also the part of me that likes stories and hearing the experiences of others since I get to understand a whole other world with its own futures in such a short amount of time.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I will help immediately. I’m not entirely sure why but I imagine it has something to do with me enjoying solving problems, whether that problem is mine or anothers. I have largely minimized my worldly connections and needs so I often appear to “go out of my way” to help others even if it appears like it's sacrificial to myself. I don’t find it sacrificial to myself at all. I don’t need anything to be comfortable, it’s all just building upon that initial comfort as a kind of “excess” or “abundance”. I could lose everything I own tomorrow and be absolutely fine. All of this to say, I don’t sacrifice myself for others, I just help them most likely because I enjoy it. I do not consider myself a “good” person for doing this, in fact I do not really believe in the concept of good or evil at all.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I think the fact that I immediately thought both yes and no for this question points to me not needing it. I certainly try to be logically consistent, but it's not the end of the world if I’m not. I think it's more important to me that I not be in denial about it.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I do aim for efficiency but it’s not very important to me. While I do want to make the most of my time in this life, if I don’t feel like doing anything then I won’t. I’m comfortable with being unproductive and “lazy” for as long as I like.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I think I’m indirectly controlling. I don’t use force to control people (at least not anymore), I’m more inclined to engineer the circumstances of a situation in a way that results in people choosing to move in one of the ways that I want them to. Nobody has told me I am controlling, nor do they seem to feel they are being controlled. I don’t really do this intentionally, it just ends up being the path that I go down based on the options I have available (perhaps I am being controlled by something as well?). I’m not sure why I do this but if I had to guess it would be to protect myself and others from being hurt, after all you can’t be hurt if the option isn’t even available.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
See activities. My topics of interest are usually to do with people, nature or technology.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I teach myself things. I always seem to find teachers/tutors intellectually suffocating. Outside of that I take any form of information possible.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I break tasks down instinctively. I do like to plan out the whole project before I start but I have no problem deviating from the plan and improvising if I think of something I like the sound of more. This usually results in the finished project looking very different from the plan and taking longer than it could have.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
None really. I’m content with just existing. However, in terms of what I choose to pursue it would be perfection in all fields, having all knowledge and having experienced everything, as well as transmitting this perfection to everyone else so that they stand beside me. More realistically, I’m trying to buy some land and build a community so that as many people are under my direct protection and responsibility as possible. The world has many powerful people that are looking to exploit the innocent solely for their own gain. I’m not expecting a utopia but I would hope it would be more comfortable for people to live in than the insecurity of greater society. It’s nice to think of spending the rest of my days with this small community.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
As mentioned earlier, I fear losing autonomy of my body and mind. I think I would still be comfortable in this state as I would get used to it but I actively avoid it coming to pass. I don’t think I hate anything, I don’t think in black and white. I’m not even sure I think in shades of gray, it seems more like the whole spectrum of color to me. I mentioned I don’t really believe in good or evil. In the event that someone is judged as evil by the world I can easily look at them and find just as many things people would find good. Does this make me endlessly accommodating of the actions of others? Certainly not. It’s just a matter of managing a conflict of interests, which is not something I struggle with.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I can’t really think of anything that would fit a “high”. I think the closest thing would be my family and my friends. I’m not sure why they are what comes to mind. I mentioned before that I would be comfortable with losing everything I own since I have discarded worldly attachment, but for some reason when I think of losing people it's not such an easy answer.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
There was a time just after I had graduated high school and before I had moved out that I was highly depressed. I lacked any kind of purpose or direction in life and thought that I should have it. I also felt immense guilt over the harm I had caused throughout my school life. I believed that I should hide myself away from all life so that I never had the choice to take those actions again. It took me over a year living in this state to finally pull myself out of it. I discarded my need for a purpose or a direction and I discarded the need to be forgiven for the past so that I could live a new life. I discarded any other need that I could find as it is when a need is unmet that you enter a victim mindset, which is a mindset that I really want to avoid in me.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I’m not attached to reality at all. I daydream very often but I do pay close attention to my surroundings while I do so. I think having extremely sensitive senses helps with this. I have quite a vibrant and detailed imaginary world.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I would think about the same things I do as I fall asleep. In other words, I’d just daydream about hypotheticals and the future. Possibly not the future in this case as there might not be one but I imagine I’d be able to entertain myself endlessly in my head.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I think of myself as having 3 decision makers. My rational mind, my sensory body/gut and my emotional heart. If all 3 are in agreement, I am able to make a decision very quickly. If 2 are in agreement, I will take longer to weigh up the options before I choose as often they will end up in agreement after I have thought it through. I will do the same if none are in agreement. In the event that they still can’t come to a unanimous decision I will flip a coin or roll a dice and go with the option that picks. I do this no matter how “important” the decision is.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Apparently I don’t feel emotions in the way other people do (at least according to the people I’ve spoken to about this). I tend to recognise emotions through the bodily sensations they apply to my body, for example, I can tell if I'm angry by my body feeling hot and my jaw feeling tense. With reference to my 3 decision makers, this means I can only figure out what my heart is telling me by going through my body. In chaotic or highly sensory situations where there is not enough time or space to recognise what I am feeling, it’s as though I am not feeling any emotion at all. I tend to think they are just as important as the other 2 decision makers when deciding things, as emotions are the basis for deciding what you value. If you don’t know what you value, you can’t determine what the best actions are for you to take according to those values, which results in nihilism. I think people would be surprised to learn that I consider emotions important. I have an almost entirely inexpressive face and a monotone voice which has resulted in me being called a robot quite often. In the times that I do have an expression, it is usually fake and done to make the other person feel more comfortable.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
No. If I want to keep the conversation going then I will intentionally disagree with them to see how far they can take their opinion and understand it better. If I disagree with someone, I will inform them of my perspective. I do not wish for them to agree with me to “appease” me, although I will understand if they make that choice. I want them to inform me of their whole perspective so that I can understand it. If they can convince me after all this, then I will truly agree with them. This is not always the case though, I can imagine times that I would pretend to agree with someone, but it would have to be “worth” it.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don’t think rules are set in stone. If I disagree with a rule and there are no meaningful consequences, then the rule may as well not exist for me. I make no comments on others' takes on that. I will challenge authority any time I want to. Whether or not they “should” be challenged depends on what you value in an authority, but for my case the answer is yes they should be. In the event I am an authority I would want to be challenged, it would be both an opportunity to test my ability as well as to exchange information with people.

Welcome back to my running series of WWF PPV Reviews from a ‘blind’ perspective (I have no idea what’s going to happen; the results, the feuds or how good any of the matches will be). I have always heard stories of the attitude era and golden age but never watched it myself so I set myself to watching every single PPV event chronologically. I am also watching Wrestling Bios ‘reliving the war’ series to keep me updated inbetween the events with the feuds, and to get excited about upcoming matches.
Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
Is it even a question? Even though I haven’t watched wwf during this era I’ve heard stories of how fantastic Austin vs Bret hart at WM13 is, feud and match wise this is my most hyped match of the night.
WWF Wrestlemania 13 1997 Review
Four way Tag Team Elimination Match 1.75/5
Rocky Maivia vs Sultan 1.75/5
HHH vs Goldust 2.5/5
Vader & Mankind vs Owen Hart & Bulldog 2.5/5
Stone Cold vs Bret Hart 6/5
Nation of Domination vs LOD & Johnson 3/5
Undertaker vs Sycho sid 1.5/5
In the opener of the match I thought it was just an 8 man slug fest will pinfalls to eliminate each person as they all just start beating the sh*t out of each other but then they go back to the usual tag team corners, a little disappointing but let’s see what this match has got.
The godwins are growing on me… just a bit, not very much but a bit; spitting on people, dancin around like mad men they’re an okay watch from time to time I won’t lie. What happened to lafon and furnas in this match though? Did they just disappear? It felt like a blink and you’ll miss it I swear they didn’t even get in the match but maybe I’m crazy. In terms of an opener with tag teams this was an okay match it wasn’t anything special but it did its job. The headbangers did some cool aerial moves, trying to prove themselves was good to see but not too much to say. It was a little messy with teams literally eliminating themselves, but nothing botched.
It feels like there’s been next to no build up to this sultan rocky match, it was just thrown together as, in terms of main attractions, the wwf was still pretty thin.
The match gets going and rocky is firing on all four cylinders tonight, he’s improved extremely quickly from his first match, show boating, over hyping the smallest of moves he’s getting exciting to watch. The same however can’t really be said about sultan, as soon as he gets control the match really slows down and gets pretty boring (holding a chin lock for all eternity). Rock gets back in control and here we go, he’s really feeling it tonight and his moves are looking really clean, especially his punch exchanges. This match wasn’t really anything too special but it’s great to see Rocky starting to warm up in the WWF. Sultan and sheik assault Rocky after the match and oh my god the splash from the top rope looked so painful for Rocky 💀. Then Rocky’s dad comes out to help and we get a great crowed pop after rock and his dad both slam the iron sheik, this was actually a really cool moment; father and son in the ring. The crowd still isn’t behind Rocky all that much yet still, which is kinda surprising as his wrestling is good to watch but I suppose his character itself is a little bland.
Chyna and HHH come to the ring and the camera pans to a couple of fans signs “HHH + CHYNA WHO HAS THE WILLY” which were f***ing hilarious, the public is always on point. It’s also insane how massive Chyna is here, she actually looks bigger than triple H. You would not wanna walk past her down a dark alley.
Goldust and HHH actually had a really good match, everything they did looked really clean, it was fast paced, good wrestling shown and an okay feud to fuel the fire between them. This is the best I’ve seen Goldust in a while and HHH is really building his repertoire of moves up; They had some great chemistry as well and the crowd starts getting into the match towards the end, a stark contrast to previous events where it would almost be silence until the main event. The match ends with marlena being shoved into Chyna and being literally tossed around like a rag doll I’m surprised her head didn’t come off, triple H hits a pedigree and it’s 1 2 3 goodnight Goldust. There wasn’t anything crazy but I enjoyed watching this match, well paced, good physical moments including Goldust going face first from the top rope into the side of the ring which looked really good.
Mankind and Vader REALLY work as a concept for a team in the WWF during this era for me, very intimidating but also two great entertaining wrestlers. Mix them with Owen hart and bulldog and you’ve got a great match on your hands… right? Well turns out maybe not. The two teams didn’t particularly click well as they were both heel teams with no baby face. This being said they still put on a good show (my god bulldog is incredibly strong to hold mankind up like he did and then do the same to Vader!?) but it wasn’t anywhere near as good as it should’ve been on paper. That finish as well? Why… I don’t know why they’d book that finish in a wrestlemania event, a double count out? 😴. I still think it had its good moments and I did enjoy watching it but like I say it wasn’t nearly as good as it should’ve been.
Now… I’ve heard so much about this match with stone cold and Bret hart at WM13, so I did have high expectations going in, and with a fantastic build up, an iconic series of promos from either side I was hyped I was ready willing and able to sit back and enjoy whatever I was about to see.
I gotta say it exceeded every single expectation I had. The crowd from the first punch to the end submission was absolutely electric, they ate up every single second of this match and I can’t blame them it was awesome!!! This is now in my top 5 matches of all time, maybe even top 3, it had everything I could’ve asked for. No interference from anyone else no weird ending no stupid sh*t going on just two legends having a full on war at the biggest wrestling event of the year. I also love how Austin never tapped and literally passed out from the pain which was a really good booking choice to keep his character still looking really strong. We had blood we had chairs we had ring bells and fighting in the crowd I’m gushing about this match. It was perfectly paced as well even when it ‘slowed down’ it was entertaining. Some iconic images of stone cold in the shooting star press, face covered in blood. Absolutely flawless match and the best match I’ve seen so far in this era. The crowd ends up backing Steve Austin for his efforts and because Bret decided to continue the assault after the bell, finally hearing that deafening ‘Austin’ chant throughout the stadium was really cool. I can’t say enough, if you haven’t seen this match go and watch it right this second you’re in for a massive treat. And this match gets its own 6/5 rating which I think I’ll introduce for matches that are all time legendary matches, in my opinion, and they aren’t gunna come out often but I have to, the whole thing was simply in its own league. WOWOW!
I’m just finding it hard to put into words how entertaining this was I was glued to the screen. A brutal submission when Bret Hart is pulling Steve’s leg off almost outside the ring and Steve is in the ring had me wincing. Also Austin’s selling, and his hype between shots shouting at Bret and giving him the double trouble with his hands it’s all just so iconic, this match must truly have cemented Austin as a main eventer going forward.
This whole match just screamed Attitude era style match and I seriously believe this must have been extremely influential on the wwf going into the coming years. Having seen Austin’s matches in the future I have to say this has got to be one of if not his best technical wrestling match of all time, I can see both wrestlers being even bigger stars after this match it was that good. Top 3 all time favourite matches, wow, well done to both of them for this. Experiencing this for the first time was magical I can’t imagine watching it live or being there, I’m very jealous. It’s currently a Monday evening and I was shouting and on my feet and as I write this I’m pacing back and forth with glee. I’m gunna have to take a break before the next match 😂.
It’s a shame that hart vs Austin wasn’t the main event because there’s absolutely no way anyone could upstage up to the match we’ve just seen, but I’ll try to go into the next couple of matches not comparing it to the previous one.
The LOD vs NOD match was absolute chaos I was literally laughing because it was so fun to watch, I had no clue what was going on there was so much to look at and once again this was another attitude era style match. It was pretty entertaining. It felt a little experimental and I would’ve liked to have seen at least a little bit of wrestling but during the whole bout there was maybe 3 or 4 moves that weren’t hitting each other with trash cans, literally hanging each other with nooses, freezing with fire extinguisher it was nuts.
We’re really feeling the influence of ECW in this match and it was great to hear the crowd so alive and enjoying it, they were probably riding the high of the legendary match we’d just seen as well as me. This was the first time seeing LOD for me and it was great, the reminded me of the Dudley boyz which are my second favourite tag team of all time. But seeing weapons finally introduced into the wwf was amazing and I’m super excited to see future brawls I think this is all taking a huge leap in the right direction for making mid card matches more enjoyable. Post match LOD hits a double flying closeline and on two NOD members and it was a decently booked bout. Not the best but good fun.
Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring and like him or not it’s always great to see Shawn at wrestlemania, and here we go I’m ready for a great main event, obviously knowing the streak I know the outcome but I’m excited to see what the two monsters of the WWF can do in the ring. Side note, it’s really cool seeing undertaker come to the ring in his vintage attire.
Bret hart comes to the ring just as the match is about to get underway to fully engage with his heel turn in the WWF and I think it felt… a little bit out of place but he gets hit with a power-bomb to the applause of the audience which was pretty satisfying. Let’s get into this massive main event match, and oh boy… the main event.
I was majorly disappointed at this main event especially after the matches we’d just seen it just did not hit at all for me. It never felt like it really got going even in the last part with undertaker kicking out of a tombstone piledriver to a big crowd pop… it just didn’t feel like a main event.
Dont get me wrong Sid’s character is cool and he plays it well but he just cannot perform on the big stage with the big players of the business. I don’t know how you can book such a perfect match like Bret and Austin and then have this as the main event. Bret shouldn’t have interfered either the undertaker did not need it at all. The coolest part of this match was the undertakers iconic celebration afterwards. Please don’t let Sid main event again, he had a great push and was fun to watch but he just can’t do these matches when the time calls for something of this magnitude. Very disappointing, very slow match, and I won’t lie probably the worst main event I’ve seen on my journey through this era. I also looked it up and apparently sid literally sh*t his pants during this match? I’d love to know if that’s true or not. But yeah that’s all I really have to say about this one, not much happened and there was an extremely tedious segment in the middle of the match where sid was going to the second ring rope and dropping a double fist on undertaker which seemed to go on for so long and it was just boring.
Overall the event was pretty decent but the main event really let it down. I won’t let that sour how amazing Bret vs Austin was though, they truly carried this event and elevated it majorly and it’s worth watching even if just for that one match. I enjoyed most of the mid card alongside that as well but with all the build up to such a let down, actually think the main event was the worst match of the night, and that’s coming from a massive undertaker fan.
Overall rating 3.25/5

It's really not going to look like anything special tbh. The Vocab cards would just be the Spanish word on the front then, answer on the back with an example sentence and a contextualizing image or clip on the back... if relevant.
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But I wasted alot of time curating a personalized example sentence for (almost) every single vocab word I discover. Key word is discover imo.
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Right now my example sentences contain a simple concept I already comprehend, atleast within the context of that sentence, for the word that I am learning to be applied to. Like my lunes card is ´´lunes es antes martes´´. As I create the vocab cards I try to keep main vocab word part as the primary focus in usage and less that of the sentence itself for the sake of simplicity which means that the vocab card usually ends up as the first word of the sentence unless I personally see no reason actually care. Like another card I have that was luckily easy to make for desde is ´´el imperio de mongol duró desde a 1206 a 1368''. Every example I create is with words I already know or do not feel a remote need to understand - to understand the sentence. but IDK. Also I'm more concerned with audio than I am with imagery though. But If I could make the back into a really simple clip and very quickly that would be nice, but I dont care about imagery too much as most of it is going to end up in immersion anyways. Sound matters for me though. Sound is really so i can read something out loud before I hear what it sounds like, which helps me make comparisons and judge myself while I flag cards to make filtered decks out of later. And of course, for words that I already knew before starting studying I do not even consider making vocab cards out of as it will be fluff. completely random words like mañana or lanzar are weirdly glued to my head specifically because I have a specific memory with them. like for lanzar I watched a little game trailer and a text prompt showed up saying ''lanzar roca'' for this fucking kid to just launch a whole ass rock at a dude across a bridge. which is goofy as fuck. the game was called pedros adventures btw.
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Also on the back of one of my vocab cards for the word 4th... I literally just put ''cuarto y cuarto'' fucking 10 times. because if you say cuarto 10x fast, it sounds like Squidward in Japanese which is fucking HILARIOUS.
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But if I could imagine imagery in a specific way it would really just be for nouns and numbers... and anything that has a very concrete meaning with just an image. like for example, you could have a game where an image flashes on the screen and you need to translate that image in your head or if you want by typing it or speaking it out loud. And you get feedback for elements of the image relayed... but I haven't spent much time thinking about that kind of thing cos its not on any to do list, but it would be pretty cool.
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its quite easy to curate examples as I'm watching these dreaming Spanish videos which is why id like to make some kind of sentence cards out of the clips. this is really because there is like a mix in my head between a sentence card and an example sentence on the back of a vocab card. Vocab cards are really the gateway for sentence cards imo. For any vocab card that has multiple definitions I need only create 1 vocab card for its primary use, and create sentence cards for its primary use and its different usages as I discover them through immersion. I can work out the nuance as I watch, read and write. and then as i immerse and gain enough vocabulary i will eventually bury more and more vocab cards and instead replace them with sentence cards. But of course, still using both in a balance.
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And ideally, all of this comes from something I highly associate with in my head. As in English; for any single word and phrase and etc., I have in my subconscious a lil smth-smth associated with that word in so many ways that I do not even realize. But I do not care to understand the little neural networks, just as I do not care to actually develop some stupid ass grammatical understanding before I even begin speaking or listening. but only to just create a 24 7 immersive study environment conducive to an almost gamified consumption that gradually improves my abilities over time. Right now it feels like i'm just trying to make a build, and I cant even start grinding the way I want to. I have tidbits here and there but I haven't worked it out entirely.
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And I do apologize if I seemed like there was friction between me and watching the dreaming Spanish videos when you had brought it up. it was just that as of now; everything I've been doing is just thinking of how to make this situation fairly seamless without needing any weird in-between steps just to do a single repetitive task. Like tagging and flagging cards is something you dont want to do manually, you want to do it with a key stroke or command. Books are easy to get, and I will be consuming the dreaming spanish videos now that I'm feeling how helpful they are compared to what I was doing before... Spanish dubs... alot of scrolling in tiktok... ALSO that one Spanish youtuber for chess called rey engima. He's like gotham chess but for Spanish which i absolutely love because I love chess and I needed a spanish way to consume it. Ive made alot of Spanish accounts for things and translated alot of UI into spanish. and I also downloaded urban VPN but i think that part was unnecessary asf.
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But really the annoying thing was how to approach anki. also, that 4 hour video I linked is really just an oversimplified text book to just get a general idea of a concept. Which is all I care about. Things like grammar are terribly taught in classrooms and that video just goes about it in a way I really like, atleast compared to every other explanation ive seen. I planned to just do just 30 minutes per day on that video as I focused on other things. but I got caught up with other random shit and then I kind of just set that video to the side... which is why i only watched 20 minutes of it.
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I am a really slow thinker, and things get to expedited when I get a foundation.
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In regards to what I mean when I said 'gamified element'. I don't mean to say things like grind and such like this is some MMORPG. I mean gamified in the sense that I get some kind of gamified feedback or feeling in a dopamine inducing form that encourages me to do really weird things to lock in that I dont anyone actually does. Like if im at the microwave and the numbers are going down, im literally saying those numbers in Spanish as they go down because in the end the main goal is to entirely quit using English as a crutch for the language and reach a point where you need only convert your conceptualizations into language and vice versa i.e., other Spanish speakers. But gamified elements provide for me an extremely significant way for me to engage with the language that I also really enjoy... cos im a weirdo. Being able to see how long I've spent on each card and other visual inputs about the outputs of my efforts are also cool, especially if displayed in a consumable manner to increase my receptivity.
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Anyways, hopefully I could at least give you an idea of what's going on in my head and what my goals are. This process has been poopoo stinky, and my brain is very poo poo stinky.

A delicate young man with pallid skin and dark circles under his eyes sat on a weathered bench opposite the police station. He held a cup of coffee in his hands—not the cheap synthetic kind available to those in the slums, but genuine plant-based coffee, a luxury usually reserved for higher-ranking citizens. It had cost him nearly all his savings, yet Sunny chose this day for a bit of indulgence.
After all, he was at the end of his road.
Basking in the warmth of the extravagant beverage, he lifted the cup to relish its scent. With a cautious sip, he winced.
"Ah! So bitter!"
Staring down the coffee with a deep sigh, Sunny persevered, taking another gulp. Despite its bitterness, he was set on enjoying the full value of his purchase—regardless of his protesting taste buds.
"I should've opted for real meat instead. Who would've thought actual coffee could taste so foul? At least it'll keep me awake," he mused.
Gazing into the void, he began to nod off, only to jolt himself awake with a slap to the face.
"Such a rip-off," he muttered.
With a shake of his head and a few choice words, Sunny downed the rest of his coffee and rose to his feet. The affluent residents of this part of town hurried by the small park, casting curious glances his way. His haggard appearance, accentuated by cheap attire and sleep deprivation, made him stick out. His thin, pale figure contrasted sharply with the robust passersby. Enviously eyeing their stature, he aimed the cup at a nearby bin.
"That's the difference three square meals a day make," he scoffed.
The cup missed its target, landing on the pavement. Sunny sighed, retrieved the cup, and made sure it went into the bin this time. A wry smile on his face, he crossed the street and stepped into the police station.
Inside, a weary officer cast a brief glance at him and frowned in clear distaste.
"Are you lost, boy?"
Sunny surveyed the surroundings with interest, observing the reinforced armor on the walls and the barely concealed turret nests in the ceiling. The officer appeared scruffy and stern. It seemed police stations were consistent everywhere.
"Hey! I'm speaking to you!"
Sunny cleared his throat.
"Uh, no."
He then scratched the back of his head and continued:
"Under the Third Special Directive, I am here to turn myself in as a carrier of the Nightmare Spell."
The officer's demeanor shifted from annoyance to caution. He scrutinized the young man anew, this time with a sharp gaze.
"Are you certain you're infected? When did the symptoms begin?"
Sunny gave a nonchalant shrug.
"A week ago?"
The officer's complexion turned noticeably paler.
"Damn."
Then, with a swift movement, he hit a button on his terminal and shouted:
"Attention! Code Black in the lobby! I repeat, CODE BLACK!"
***
The Nightmare Spell emerged several decades ago, during a period when the planet was beginning to recover from catastrophic natural disasters and ensuing wars over resources.
Initially, a new ailment causing widespread fatigue and drowsiness didn't garner much attention. However, as people began to succumb to an abnormal sleep from which they wouldn't awaken, even after several days, governments started to panic. By that time, it was too late for any response to make a difference.
As the afflicted began to die in their sleep, transforming into monsters upon death, the world was unprepared. These Nightmare Creatures swiftly overran national defenses, casting the world into utter disarray.
The nature of the Spell, its capabilities, and methods to combat it remained unknown.
Ultimately, it was the Awakened—those who had endured the Spell's initial onslaught and returned alive—who halted its destruction. Wielding extraordinary powers gained through their Nightmares, they reestablished peace and forged a new semblance of order.
Certainly, it was just the initial catastrophe unleashed by the Spell. However, for Sunny, it seemed irrelevant — until recently, when he began struggling to stay awake.
For the average individual, being selected by the Spell could be as dangerous as it was fortuitous. In school, children were taught survival skills and combat techniques in case they were affected. Affluent families employed private tutors to instruct their offspring in various martial arts. Members of the Awakened clans even possessed potent heritages, harnessing ancestral Memories and Echoes during their inaugural journey to the Dream Realm.
The wealthier your family, the greater your odds of enduring and ascending as an Awakened.
Yet for Sunny, an orphan who devoted his days to foraging rather than education, the Spell's choice offered no prospects. For him, it signified an almost certain demise.
***
Minutes later, Sunny yawned as several policemen busied themselves securing him in restraints. Shortly, he was strapped into a bulky chair, an odd hybrid of a hospital bed and a torture device. They were in a room located in the police station's basement, encased by thick armored walls and guarded by a daunting vault door. Nearby, officers stood against the walls, clutching automatic rifles with stern looks etched on their faces.
Sunny was indifferent to them. His only concern was his overwhelming desire to sleep.
At last, the vault door swung open, and a gray-haired policeman stepped through. His face bore the marks of experience, and his stern eyes seemed to have witnessed countless horrors. After inspecting the restraints, he cast a swift glance at his wristwatch before facing Sunny:
"What's your name, kid?"
Sunny blinked several times, struggling to focus, then squirmed in discomfort.
"Sunless."
The elderly policeman lifted an eyebrow.
"Sunless? That's an unusual name."
Sunny attempted to shrug, but his body refused to cooperate.
"What's unusual about it? At least I have a name. Where I come from, not everyone is given one."
He yawned before continuing:
"It's because I was born during a solar eclipse. My mother was quite the poet."
Hence his peculiar name, and why his younger sister was named Rain… at least, when she was still with them. Whether it stemmed from poetic flair or sheer indolence, he couldn't tell.
The policeman gave a gruff sound.
"Should I get in touch with your family?"
Sunny shook his head.
"No need. There's no one left."
For a moment, a shadow crossed the policeman's face before it settled into a grave expression.
"Alright, Sunless. How long can you remain awake?"
"Uh… not very long."
The policeman exhaled deeply.
"In that case, we don't have time for the complete procedure. Resist sleep as best as you can and pay close attention to what I'm about to say. Understood?"
Without waiting for an answer, he continued:
"What do you understand about the Nightmare Spell?"
Sunny looked at him with uncertainty.
"About as much as the next person, I suppose? Isn't the Spell common knowledge?"
"It's not the glamorous stuff you see in dramas or hear about in propaganda broadcasts. How much do you truly understand?"
That question was difficult to answer.
"So, I just enter the Dream Realm, slay some monsters to complete the First Nightmare, gain magical powers, and become an Awakened?"
The veteran policeman shook his head.
"Pay attention. When you fall asleep, you'll be transported into your First Nightmare. Nightmares are trials crafted by the Spell. Inside, you'll encounter monsters, but you'll encounter people as well. Remember, they aren't real. They are merely illusions created to challenge you."
"How can you be certain?"
The policeman fixed him with a stare.
"I mean, nobody really grasps the nature of the Spell or its mechanics, right? So how can you be sure they aren't real?"
"You may have to eliminate them, kid. It's better for you to consider them as mere illusions."
"Oh."
The aged officer paused for a moment, then nodded and resumed speaking.
"Much about the First Nightmare is left to chance. Generally, it's not meant to be excessively difficult. The predicament you find yourself in, the tools at your disposal, and the creatures you must overcome should all fall within your capabilities. After all, the Spell conjures trials, not death sentences. Your particular situation does put you at a disadvantage, but remember, children from the outskirts are resilient. Don't lose hope just yet."
"Mm-hmm."
Sunny's drowsiness was intensifying, making it difficult to keep up with the conversation.
"As for the 'magic powers' you inquired about... indeed, you will acquire them if you endure the Nightmare until its conclusion. The exact nature of these powers will depend on your inherent affinities and your actions during the trial. However, you'll have access to some of them right from the beginning..."
The old policeman's voice was fading into the distance. Sunny's eyelids were so heavy, it was a struggle to keep his eyes open.
"Remember: your first task upon entering the Nightmare is to assess your Attributes and your Aspect. If you're assigned a combat-oriented Aspect, like a Swordsman or an Archer, you'll find things more manageable. If it's complemented by a physical Attribute, all the better. Since Combat Aspects are quite common, there's a good chance you'll receive one."
The light in the armored room was fading.
"If you're unfortunate enough to have an Aspect unrelated to combat, don't lose heart. Sorcery and utility Aspects have their own merits; you just need to use them wisely. There are no truly useless Aspects. Well, almost none. So do whatever it takes to survive."
"Surviving means you're on your way to becoming an Awakened. But if you perish, you'll create a portal for a Nightmare Creature to enter our world. That would mean my colleagues and I have to intervene. So, please, Sunless, don't perish."
Sunny, already drifting to sleep, felt somewhat moved by the officer's plea.
"And try not to perish immediately. It will be hours before the nearest Awakened can arrive, and we'd really prefer not to confront that creature alone..."
'What?'
With that final thought, Sunny succumbed to a profound sleep.
Darkness enveloped everything.
And then, from the shadows, a vaguely familiar voice echoed:
[Aspirant! Welcome to the Nightmare Spell. Prepare for your First Trial…]
****
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I would like to share some tips that helped me do well on all my ATI exams! For reference, I got a level 3 on all but one ATI exam! Fundamentals was my first ATI exam ever which I got a 2, and it helped shaped the way I continued to study for ATI. I hope this helps anyone who is either struggling with ATI or wanting to increase their scores.

• This one is obvious, but ATI is your best resource. Start early. Utilize the book. It’s not a typical textbook so it is easier to get through compared to your average 2,000+ page textbook. If you start early and it’s not huge like the med-surg one, you can get through the majority of the chapters before test time. You do not have to read every word.

How I utilized ATI textbooks:

• For courses that required an ATI exam, I read the chapters that corresponded with the lectures - except med-surg… have you seen that thing? I relied on the Lewis Med Surg book that was required for our class because our Med-Surg 1 & 2 class HEAVILY tested on that book.
• I get highlighter happy at times, but I tried to limit myself to highlighting important things that would jump at me if I had to later refer back to a chapter. I highlighted drug names in green. I also highlighted measures/numbers/lab values and random facts that ATI likes to throw at you in. Like if you have a latex allergy, you can be allergic to strawberries kinda thing.
• Do the practice questions at the end of the chapters. If you don’t want to read the chapters, at least do the questions (usually only 5) to see if there are any gaps of knowledge. If you get something wrong, refer back to the book to read over that section.

Practice Exams/Dynamic Quizzes

• Plan to complete all dynamic quizzes for that subject. If you can only do ONE thing, complete all the quizzes. I can’t emphasize that enough. You hear it over and over again, but read to understand rationales, writing out the ones for unfamiliar topics or easily forgotten details. They will help in future ATI exams! The goal isn't to memorize practice questions, but to learn and understand. Refer to the book for content review when needed. If you know you have 400-1,000 questions to get through, start early. Mark the ones you get wrong or guessed correctly so you can review later and when your exam gets closer.
• Take Practice A & B exam and take it seriously. As tempting as it may be, do not google the answers. These exams give you an idea of areas you are struggling with. I recommend doing focused reviews because it takes you to the exact area where you missed the question. I would hand write the areas I missed.
• If you see the same thing over and over again during your quizzes and practice exams, pay attention. ATI is giving you hints on what you may see on the exam.

Extra Tips for ATI

• Be familiar with National Notifiable Conditions for those dreaded “which one do you report?” questions. You don’t have to memorize them — just know the main ones. There is a page in the Community ATI book with some of the main ones, but the CDC website is a quick reference. Bookmark it!
• Know antidotes, especially to common drugs.
• Know what you can delegate to UAPs and LPNs. In short, do not delegate what you can EAT (Evaluate, Assess, Teach). Remember, LPNs can only reassess after the RN has done the first assessment. This includes if a patient came back from surgery. The RN will assess and do vital signs if the patient has come back from surgery or is unstable, not the LPN and definitely not the UAP. Also, LPNs cannot do the initial teaching, but they can reinforce the teachings (example: self-administering insulin).
• Review frequently missed content because a lot of that stuff may be on your exam.

Outside resources

• The only resource outside of ATI I used are the LevelUpRN videos, which I am sure many of you already know about. Her playlists follow ATI closely enough without her getting sued again lol. If you can get your hands on her cards, that’s great but do not neglect the quizzes.

Test taking prioritization strategies you have to understand:

• Least invasive vs most invasive, acute vs chronic, unstable vs stable, expected findings vs unexpected findings (aka complications), & ABCs go without saying.
• Go through the NurseLogic 2.0 modules (under the learn tab) if you need help with prioritization. This is often what gets us the most but you’re always going to RUN to the patient who will die without intervention first. If you see a patient with stridor vs chest pain, who do you think is the priority? What about the patient with laryngeal edema or the stroke patient with hemiparesis? The patient with a sudden, severe headache or the patient with heart failure and 2+ edema? The asthmatic patient who stopped wheezing or the patient with chronic angina clutching their chest after walking?
• In a disaster situation (moreso for the community & leadership ATI exam), the patient who will die without intervention, but can survive with intervention is the priority (red tag). The patient who is dying (SCALP, not facial lacerations, fixed and dilated pupils) is the least of the priority (black tag) due to limited resources.

Other test taking strategies

• Go with what you know, but if you see 2 answer choices that are basically the same but worded differently, eliminate those. If you see 2 answer choices that are opposites, one of them may be the answer.
• When in doubt, avoid absolutes like “always, never, only, everyone” (unless it’s something accurate like ALWAYS practice hand hygiene lol but ATI usually doesn’t use absolutes like that)
• Look for keywords. Is the question asking what the nurse should do FIRST or what is the best nursing action?

It’s true that ATI will test you on things from other courses (some you haven’t taken yet), but the majority of it will be over the course you are studying for. The goal isn’t to get every question correctly. The goal is to use prior knowledge and test taking strategies to help you at least narrow down to 2 answer choices, and hopefully choose the right one. After doing a bunch of questions, you start to see patterns and understand how ATI wants you to choose the answer.
I know this is a lot, but I just wanted to be as thorough as possible. Please let me know if you have any questions! I am happy to help! 😊

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Come as you are, no judgement or burden readings ❤️
Verified and trusted reader, fantastic reviews on previous posts. 15 min special: Come as you are readings! Get guidance without burden, pay whatever you can afford! Unlimited questions and in-depth readings provided during the time and everything is explained clearly!
Are you feeling your energy drained? Not sure where a loved one’s heart lies? Or just needing someone to talk to and help with your journey to spiritual enlightenment? Search no further and wonder no longer. I will discuss my reading with you in full detail and provide insight to your deepest desires and your destiny. Nothing I do is scripted; everything is read from your own personal energy. You won't just gain psychic advice; you will gain a friend! Each question answered with full consultation from the spirit! I cannot wait to offer insight! Post will stay active 24 hours; time begins upon donation! ❤️
Available through Reddit Chat, Skype, Text and soon to be reopening my Etsy shop!