I’m planning to transfer sa NU Manila & to take BSIT for my second year. Okay lang ba yung student environment & etc? Any tips?
Also, if there’s someone taking IT in NU as well, can someone describe to me ano ano ung focus for each specialization like as in huhu torn kasi ako between MAA and MWA.
From a university ako na two sems lang and since tri-sem ang nu-manila, need ko ba itake ung namiss kong units during the 3rd tem nung 1st year or up to me kelan ittake?
Also, since tri-sem siya, does that mean na 3 years lang or still 4 years?
Any thoughts will be appreciated 🥹

mero aile broker ko account close garna layera feri arko broker maa account kholnu paryo bidesh bata , milxa hola ni? broker no. 62 maa milxa kholna online bidesh bata? waa broker 4

Bhai maine apni gaand NTA ko bechdi hai paise dekar. Ab mai inka slave hun. Raat ko bade sahab ne paper postpone kardia kyuki manpower nahi hai. accha bhala 17 ko free hojata . Admit card le aaya tha ab bkl centre change kardenge, oo iski maa ki chut yaar

I started exercising around a week ago and also dieting so today my mom and sister were having dinner. Now I was sitting there watching tv and I felt super hungry but I couldn't eat so when they both finished the food my sister left a roti she was not eating it and my mom offered me. I told her I'm on diet and she said koi baat nhi ek roti se kuch nhi hoga I was also hungry so I agreed and mummy mujhe vo roti me sabzi roll krke de hi as I told her ki mujhe kitni zyada bhookh lagi hai and she was like mujhe pta hai mere bete ko kitni bhookh lagti hai maa hoon teri at that very moment I cried don't know why but apne aap Mera mood bhi kharab nhi tha kuch bhi nhi bas I cried. Phir meri behen bhi mujhe chidhane lagi but kya karu control hi nhi ho rahe the aansu. I felt like mummy ne kitni jaldi pehchan liya ki mujhe bhookh lagi hogi i feel blessed mujhe aisi mummy mili hai. Other people eat food to live but I'm one of those persons who live for food aur ye dieting bohot mushkil hai aaj rone ke baad lga kuch bhi ho maa jaisa koi nhi hota na kabhi tha na kabhi hoga.
Edit: To so my friend who are suggesting me to not starving but I eat like an elephant that's why I was feeling hungry it'll take time but I'll learn and I'm managing my nutrients so in evening and I'm overweight I've a bmi of 33 so I've to reduce my food intake and sugar that why I was feeling super hungry.

My father isn’t supportive I didn’t tell him my result cuz I was scared mumma was the only one who knew about it due to panic I told one of relative that I passed didn’t knew it’ll spread out that quickly and my mother told my dad about my result that I got rt in chem and tbse he’s made my life a living hell I’m so fucking miserable rn my mother was there for me when he was shouting (Failure,nikambi,0,footpath wale gareeb bhi zyda le aaye isse, kaam kuch nhi krti ldkia ghar ke kaam bhi krti h saare ke saare and 90% se uppar bhi lati h and ye to failure nikli FAILURE) Then ata h papa ko relative ka call for wishes tbse mera downfall hota h ki isse kuch hoga nhi 10th me schl change krwa dia iska kyuki udhar sci nhi milli bola bhi tha commerce lelo tumhari bski nhi h science ye toh fail hogyi 11th me bhi isne ye hi kia tha sbme compartment le ayi maa ko haath jodne pdhe pass krwane keliye (normal meeting thi my mom didn’t do that she stood for me kyuki teacher was degrading me) and he went on and on shouting now relatives ke sth even neighbours know about it i was fucking depressed these 2 years after 10th result he fucked my mental health so bad Im thinking of sending my marks for reevaluation ( I got 8) still I didn’t think I’ll get this low I fucked up and ik it but do I deserve this torture? He’s making my life hell he’s shouting at me again and again I’ve been depressed 10th se abhi tk I feel like killing myself I feel like failure for wasting their money idk I really wanna clear jee ya something else to prove myself to him and to myself I didn’t even study for chem in do din hua hi nhi still I’m thinking JEE keliye I should do it and I’m fucking it up I don’t even use phone I’m just sitting blank half of the time ya phir I sleep out of nowhere idk if someone is going through the same abhi while writing he shouted at me ki bahar aao and marks btao and cuet ki timing btao 8 number kaise aye tumhare bski nhi thi to li kyu pcm This is what is happening in my life and I have no escape I’m going to commit suicide or ya phir I’ll stand up Pls take care of those who’re facing the same thing as me
KINDLY UPVOTE IT SO OTHERS CAN VENT OUT YA PHIR THERAPY MIL JAYE UNHE

kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja kuuteh saleh bhen ke laudeh teri maa ki chut bosdiwaleh teri mayiaa ka bur chodu badwa salaa madar chood ka pilla randi ka baal machr ki jhaat chipkili ke taate gobar putr kuttiya ka pila baapchoda betichod chachi chod mama chod randi ka aulaad sala haram zada suur jahnt ke baal bakri chod chua chod randhwa raand ja jaamai chut marikeh lavda lavdeh ke baal kutaa ke luli bakri ki chut chipkili ke aand randi baaz kukur chod maai ka choda tera bhen ka choda bur phtleh chud ke 100 baap ka chuda hua kutta ka pila hua naali ka keeda taateh massina bur ke chatel chodu bhagat chut mari ka chut ka pilaa gaand ka sodagar chucci chusneh waleh jhaat ka bhaaji land peh chdeh ja

Bhai personally pata nhi mujhe feel ho rha hai ki sabka exam Jo kal unn sab ka exam postpone ho jayega like admit card site kamm nhi kr rhi it's 12 am aur bhenchod abhi bhi site kamm nhi kr rhi toh kab kamm kregi kya pata Lage tum log centre paucho aur pata Lage tumhare bhi exam postpone ho jaye waise bhi nta walo pe bharosa nhi kr sakte let's see kya hota hai bakki best of luck to everyone jinka kal paper hai
Bakki fuck nta Aur nta ki maa ko kutta chode

I'm dealing with mild depression, which was diagnosed in 2021. Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I'm not. My doctor advised me to talk to my parents or a friend about my condition, but sadly, I don't have anyone I can share with. I prefer hitting the books, solving math problems, or writing in my journal, even though it’s a struggle. There are times when I cry, but I have to fight because I only have myself to rely on.
I'm an engineer, but I don't have my license yet. I'm preparing for the board exam, and I really want to pass so I can finally see myself in law school. I want to become a patent attorney. I'm just an average student, but I'm very curious. Unlike the typical engineer, I love public speaking and I'm good at it. I’m also a bookworm, so I don't mind reading. In fact, I enjoy reading and solving problems more than socializing. I only mingle with people when necessary (di naman halata kasi ambivert ako); otherwise, I have my own world. My father’s side of the family often gets irritated with me because of this.
During my college days in engineering, my confidence dropped. The environment drained me, and I have past traumas that made me keep to myself. Engineering is hard, but my college days could have been happier without the toxic environment. At one point, I gave up my dream of becoming a patent attorney and law school. I thought I would just pursue a master’s degree or another engineering program. I wanted to work in Japan because they excel in engineering.
Last year, I realized I shouldn’t give up on my dream just because I was exhausted. My whole life, it seemed like I wasn’t allowed to dream. People, whether family, friends, or even the guy I used to love, always said I was too ambitious and not worth it. I spent my entire life crying in restrooms so no one would hear me. I don’t tell anyone that I plan to go to law school after passing the board exam and becoming an engineer. It’s easier for them to think that I’ll just take a master’s degree. I'm sick of being weak. Naniniwala kasi ako na maa-attract ko din yung mga tao na better for me if nasa best version na ako ng sarili ko.
"When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor."

Stop being f#cking lazy. Get off your ass and do something for yourself for once in your life. F#cking d#ckhead.
-If You are unhealthy go workout
-If You don't study, f#cking close Reddit and open your books
-If you are addicted to social media, go delete your account
-If you are addicted to your phone, simply maa baap ko pakda do
-If you are scared to propose your crush, text karke sojao, atleast conversation initiate karo
Saw a common thing amongst alot of people in this sub who have regretted not taking up opportunities or want to do something but aren't doing it. Idhar rant Karo to saath mein work on it aswell boys and girls!

It's summer time, all my cousins (all of em are below 12 year old) are over here. I live in a joint family, so there are a lot of cousins who came over. They are a complete pain in my ass. They touch my stuff without even asking for permission. They have already destroyed my childhood toys and misplaced everything from which I can remember my childhood. If I scold them for misbehaviour, unki maa log meko sunna deti hai. Those people come here for a couple of weeks and destroy everything. They act like they own my place. They have occupied my room too saying ki Ghar bohot choota hai. They break windows and do shit and nobody even cares. Unke Karan mere papa ko bohot karche karne padd rahe hai, like taking them out for ice creams, dinner at restaurant etc. And those people (their moms) don't even pay a penny. Wo log hamari cars kahi bhi lejate hai, and agar wo sab kahi bahar jaate hai ghumne toh meko kabhi bhi nahi bulate hai. I am angry as fck mei ye sab kissi ko bol bhi nahi sakta. Aiesa lagta hai sabko sooth du but yaa nahi kar sakta . Sorry for bad sentences, but I can't help .

Guys,last 2 years i didnt study anything also same story hai jo kaafi log pehle bhi bta rakhe hai focus chuda hai kuch nhi padhta aaj tak hazaro baar start kia or haal ye hai 3 4 ch se zyada kuch nhi pdha 12vi last me 1 month padha hu tum log believe kro ya nhi usse zyada bilkul nhi sch bol rha hu math me 5 day k gap me 10 ch kia hu yt se ncert nyi ki nyi padi hai jo bhi hai 0 pecrent aa gye Bahut chutiya hu manta hu but Ek cheez pakka socha hu krunga to btech cse (i know beggars cant be chosers but i want to change my life upside down) Jo hua hua ab i know kuch saalo ki galti se zindagi kharab nhi hone dunga Dekho scratch se padhna hai mughko aise krna hai ki agle saal atleast ek ache pvt me cse mil jaye ki naami college thoda ho ya koi thik thak gvt mil jaye cse is baar toh jee 60 percentile hai kuch kaha milega aisa kya kru aap btao ki cse nikaal lu next year delhi ke koi thik gvt college me ya koi ek thik pvt me hi (delhi ka candidate hu toh kuch state quotra bhi lag sakta hai shayad) Dekho Resources Socha hu maths -gb sir apni kaksha Phy fastlane Chem ioc and pc fastlane alk sir and oc ka abhi socha nhi kya ye thik rhegaga ? Mains ka kr rha hu isliye kuch kuch me normal lane k jagah faastlane se krunga practice ko time dene k liye ....kya ye thik rhega ?? Kuch or ho sakta hai to btaye sochta hu 98 plus percentile ka aim rakhu but hota thodi hai aim se kuch itna kam time hai agar ana oga toh momentum ban jayega khud kuch mahine me samjh jaunga kitna ban sakte hai Meri ek bahud badi problem hai ki hamesha 20 days max padhke burnout fir 20 din yt wagera me waste matlab hamesha yeh hota hai kya kru aap btao ab nhi kr sakta ye mai soch rha hu youtube ko apne dincharya se eliminate krne k liye koi substitution bta sakte ho jo thoda entertaining ho ? also resource k liye socha hai comeptishun ex 1 and jee main ex sab pls help kro please bhut dukhi hun...........

Attention: A big rant coming your way so dekh lena padhne hain ki nhi
Hah toh background about me I am class 12 student with commerce and maths student IDK it is the best place to talk about things like mental breakdown all. So let's start mere 11th ke exams 14th of March se khatam huye and uske agle din se maine coaching join kar li with all the peak levels of motivations that I could gain from earlier bahut maja ata tha 1-2 classes hoti thee accounts ki ata tha practice karta tha eak alag hi maja aa rha tha april start hote hi maths and eco ki class shuru ho gyi and even school bhi shuru ho gaye. Thoda sa pressure hua but somehow main kafi ressilient rha roj ache se padhta backlog nhi hone deta lekin fir aya mera official breakdoen ka point accounts me test hua lekin number bilkul chude hue aye jisme main padh kar bhi gya frustration hua but koi nhi lekin sir ko dekh ke aisa laga ki yar BC is admi ne toh mere kuch expectation rakhi thee woh bhi nhi puri kar pya coaching me main starting woh overexcited bacha tha joh sabse pehle answer nikalne ki koshish karta doubts puchta and eak alag sa CHIGMA male attitude aa gya tha shayd thodi ego bhi coaching ki ladkiyon se bhi bat hone woh momint hi alag tha jab unhone pucha Ansh itna kaise padh lete ho tum? main toh eak bar hi pigal gya lekin woh hi chutiya reply maine bhi diya arey kha lekin MKC test me gande numbers ane se pura self-respect ki amma behn eak ho gyi and main eak alag hi rha me nikal gya pichle eak mahine se mere me woh Richyard Fenyman wali vibe ane lagi joh koi bhi physics ka numerical aur ghand phad questions bar me jake lap dance lete hu karta tha yah BJ. Lekin BC woh kismat humari kha meyesain muthi baji ki rha me kuch jyada hi age nikal gya rat ko 12 baje muthi marta tha suabh 5 baje uth ke school jata lekin yar woh post nut clarity wala kuch scene hi nhi hua dimag maa ki eyes chal hi nhi rha ladkiyon ke bat karne me eak jijhak. Hah pta hain ki ap koi ayega niche loduuuuuu hilaya mat kar leikin BC 1 week hote hi tharak roof top phad dete hain hormones peak par aa jate hain. Us time pe mera dimag aise trick karta hain ki lodu sun dekh abhi badhiya lag rha hain hain top of the world coaching me ijjat bani hui hain muth mar aur stress bhula de afsos main apne is dimag ke sharyantra me aa hi jta hua (bhayankar rone wala emoji) . Lekin tum soch rhe hoge ki nhi yar isme toh sab kuch theek hain main bat yeh hain ki maine IPMAT ki class bhi join kar rakhi hain toh time ka pta hi nhi chalta aur coaching me downfall hi chal rha hain whi school me comeback lekin wah ka kya hain andhe ghante exam se cum karne se bhi cumbak ho jta hain don't ask me why. Lekin main problem hain coaching eak toh BC joh maine yeh nyi coaching join kari hain sare hi kuch jyada hi ammeri ke ghode lagete hain. BSDK maths ki class me 150 rupee ki coffee lake questions solve karte hain bolte hain "Bruh you know what coffee is the best invention of this humankind I can't fucking imagine a day without it" tab toh indeed bol deta hun lekin man me main bhi bolta hun in bhak bsdk ke. Main toh galti se eak vada pav hi kha ke aja toh mami ko pura explanation dena padhta hain hain ki kyon main is dhuvidha me fassa and ghar ake kyon nhi kha lekin fir woh hi mummiyon ke dialogue paise kya ped pe ugte hain toh jah mere liye bori bhar kar la kaun samajye. Age badhte hain I wish thoda sa mera balance bane and eak kafi possitivity aye academic comebak hoye and female interactions aur badhe. (Kash woh sote huye yeh sochti ho ki yar main kabhi zinadagi me Ansh ke sath betray nhi karungi eak bar uski bandi ban jau toh and Ansh kitna shi banda hain padhta bhi hain topper bhi hain and nerd bhi nhi aur top notch meme language me bat karta hain) Chalo fir bhai ke prathana karne DM karna ho toh thodi der backchodi karte hain stress relief ke liye

So imma final year CS student, aur bhai mere job nahi lagi hai, par bhai kuch karne kaa jonoon hai, maa baap ko kush karna hai aur apna future bhi banana hai, so pls guid me...
Background : from tier 2 private cllg, know programming well, (typically mern stack ka 14 aur 200+ leetcode wala ) mere ek baar toc mei acche aye the to subject thoda acha lagta hai mujhe 🙂 ab yaad nahi kuch, maths to ghatna yaad hai mujhe shuru se padha hai sab kuch ( 12th ke bhi thode concepts revise karne honge), aur baki sab subjecta ka bhi same haal hai DSA ko chhod kar bas programming aati hai muze
1) How and where to start 2) What are some good resources 3) What best in your opinion ( offline/online) 4) What are good online classes in you opinion or experience ?
TLDR : launde ne bass backhodi ki hai cllg mei GATE ke liye guidance maang raha hai

So aaj boards ka result aaya and guess what my stupid ass scored 78.8 percentage (with highest in biology 82 like wtf jabki mein jee ki so called prep kar raha hu
kal pw ka jo short test diya tha us mein 96/96 aaye 10 baje result aaya maa baap full khush ki chalo thoda sa hi sahi par comeback to ho raha hai (not judging my test but they judged my seriousness)
fir madarchod result aa gaya aur papa thoda gussa ho gaye even told me a waste ( I am not blaming my father and pliz don't type you don't deserve him and all those bullshit bro just stfu and don't judge my family from this single line and my perspective)
par fir jab shaam ko thoda eavesdrop kara to suna ki papa bole ki chicken le aaye kya but my mom denied it saying ki aaj somvaar hai (my family are all shivbhakts and they say i was blessed with three marks on my forehead full badassery)
Physics : 26 question diye the 17 ho gaye baaki nahi bane even tho fight pura kiya
Chemistry : Bawaal chiz padhi be Fe0.93O wali chiz majaa aagaya hands down the best class
Maths : jaisa chal raha hai aur haa sir ne aaj se quad eqn start kara
aaj bhot kam self study hui aur raat ko jagkar apne notes + maths ke hw attempt karunga

64% aaye hai guru
dumb nhi hu mein bas procrastination and low motivation se chud gya
result ke time ankh se aansu ane lag gye ki bc kya se kya ho gya mera, never thought ki etne kam number ayenge matlab 60-70% ke beech mein toh kabhi dekha hi nhi hai result
jee mocks mein 11th ke end tak aate aate 200+ tak aane lag gye the and 12th mein jo chudaap kiya hai meine
mein etna careless ho gya tha 12th mein like literally board se pehle kon nhi padhta mein vo chutiya hu jo boards se ek din pehle bhi time waste kar rha tha and youtube dekh raha lol
well mere maa baap duniya ke best maa baap hai literally I thought aaj kutayi pakki hai meri but unhone kuch bhi nhi bola and ulta motivate kiya koi naa hote rehta hai koi badi baat nhi hai tension mat le agle saal puri mehnat karke exams diyo, I feel mere jaisa chutiya aesa maa baap deserve nhi karta
jeetne bhi 11thies ess post ko dekh rhe hai guys guys guys pls 11th mein padhayi ko seriously lena chalu kar dena and overconfident kabhi mat hona and bkl'n 10th ke result se demotivate mat ho mere bhi 91% the and dekh lo aaj kaha hu mein, aane waale kal par dhyaan do and consistent raho din ka 6 hr hi padho but roj padho and self doubt mat karna kabhi
coaching mein samajh naa aye toh maa chudane gayii coaching jaana band kardo and online padho, jara bhi deri mat lagana ess decision mein koi fayda nhi time waste karne ka,
damn, kya hi din tha aaj ka, hamesha yadd rahega

its gonna be a long trauma dump.
im 19f, appeared in 12th this year, this would be my first drop. vaise to iss sun pe lurker rehti thi, aaj laga maybe kuch bol hi du to atleast relief rahega kisko dhang se bataya to. vaise to life meri bekar nhi hai overall dekha jaye to. yaha pe logo ka padho bc achhi lagne lagti hai life, and phir agle din vahi rr.
i was five almost, jb mere nana ne pehli baar mujhe touch kiya tha. mummy papa ka office rehta tha and bhaiya ka school to akele chhodne ki jagah nana ko bula lete the vo log ki mera dhyaan rakhe. achha dhyan rakhe the (apna lolzzz). now that i think about the movements and the way he'd shake afterwards, pyare nanaji was most probably cumming in his dhoti holding his five year old granddaughter on his thigh. (i mean, ladke shayad better jaane, kabhi kisi se detail mein puchha nhi iss baare mein. after it had got some action and y'all are ejaculating, do you guys like, freeze for a bit a breathe hard? agar nhi to im sorry for the wrong allegations). anyways that happened for a while. uske baad ka mujhe kuch yaad nhi. tbh ye bhi nhi yaad tha, until 3-4 saal pehle jb i read a similar scene in a book and ye yaad aaya phir shock mein chali gayi. had two beautiful frnds jinko bataya iss baare mein and they tried to help me out as best as they could. andar se ye bhi lagta tha ki mummy ko kabhi pata bhi chala to nahi manengi, isiliye parents se thoda grudge rehta tha and ladti jhagadati rehti thi.
fast forward to present, mai apne best friend ke saath relationship mein aa gayi and slowly but surely, he made a great impact on my relationship with my family. like uski uske parents ke saath achhe relations hain and ladka bhi sahi hai (haa pyar krti hu usse, mar jaungi ek din) to convince kr liya mujhe ki mere parents bhi pasand krte hain mujhe. and tb se mere relations meri family ke saath significantly improve hue. i even started to trust them.
to kya hai na, mummy and nana ki jamti nhi hai (he's neither a good husband nor a good father), isiliye mummy unse baat nhi krti. ek din recently mummy unhi ke baare mein upset thi and maine mummy se bol diya ki "uss aadmi se to mujhe nafrat hai. royi hu bestfriend ko batate hue" and mummy was like mujhe batao but mana kar di ki abhi nhi.
agle din she came to me and said ki unhe raat mein neend nhi aa rahi thi ye sochte hue ki aisa unhone kya kar diya ki I don't trust her but trust my frnds? phir bohot bolne pe mai unhe puri baat bata di (utni detail mein nhi obviously) and she was very supportive. boli ki "maa baap important hote hain par bachcho se zyada nhi. mai to vaise bhi unhe ghar na bulati but ab to sawal hi nhi uthata. shakal nhi dekhungi unki". and mai apne room mein aake rone lagi ki maine apni maa ko galat samjha ki vo mujhpe yakeen nhi karengi.
then agle din, i think jb mai ghar pe nhi thi tb mummy bhaiya ko ye baat batayi and he told her abt how once i confessed to him i was a lesbian (bisexual boli thi but lauda hai), and pata nhi kaise, mummy ko convince kr doya ki im making this whole story up for sympathy and to seem cool.
mummy aayi and mujhse boli ki "tum jo batayi ho, vo sach mein hua hai ya jo tum ghatiya books padhti ho, uski vajah se dimag mein baitha li ho ki mere saath bhi kuch galat hua hai?" and phir asked me abt that lesbian wala and told me ki inhi sab vajah se my face has lost its innocence and mai kuch nahi kar paayi hu. kaise i didn't deserve the marks i got in boards and sabka entrance exam tha but sab ek event mein aa rahe the but tumne kuch padha nhi tha isiliye nhi aayi (true but jisko neet dena hota vo aise bhi na aata). and how she feels ashamed and unsafe to go out with me varna i would wander off with "bhaiya log". that other girls of my age look smart and innocent and good even of they're fat. and gori ladkiyo ka chehra nhi pink hai, but you have yellowish tone and you never look smart, tumhare andar vo cheez hi nhi. she ended her speech with, "tumhari vajah se maine apne baap ko galat samjha. agar tum jhoote ilzam laga rahi ho to uska anjam dikhega." and then very lightly said, as if she didn't believe it, "aur agar mere baap ne kuch kiya hoga to bhagwan batayenge."
since that day, i haven't been able to look at my family the same way. the love, trust and respect i had for them seems gone. uss din ke baad mummy achhe se baa ki but bhul nhi paa rahi unn words ko. isse pehle bhi aisa bohot kuch boli hain vo jo bura laga tha but ye Dil tod diya. i can't believe my first heartbreak is from my mother itself.
isse pehle bhi she'd questioned my character. mai maanti hu, mai chutiye bachchi thi. nhi samjhti thi kuch. school bus mein achhe bhaiya log mile the to sabko achha samajhti thi and apne age ke logo se ghul mil nhi paati thi. isiliye almost got tricked by a senior jo uss time 11th mein the (i was in 6th, koi dost nhi tha to attention ki bhukhi rehti thi). uske liye mummy branded me as "characterless". I WAS IN SIXTH, NHI PATA THA MUJHE KUCH. phir ek baar humlog kahi gaye the and mummy dusri seat pe chali gayi mujhko leke jbki meri dost pichhe ki seat pe thi. i tried going to her to uss time to mummy bas gusse se dekhi but ghar aake boli ki how im such a bad daughter, achhe ghaf ki ladkiya sirf apne mummy papa ke paas rehti hain but tumko to matakna rehta hai. tumhare jaisi ladkiyo ko characterless rehte hain, kisi ki nhi hoti hain. (this was in class 9th).
ho sakta hai mai apna side leke dekh rahi hu isiliye mai khud ko sahi samajh rahi. but galti kya ki maine ye to koi achhe se explain karo???
recent ye nana wala batane ke baad to bas yahi manati hu roz bhagwan se ki maar daale mujhe. sach nata rahi, jb dekhega na koi sirf meri mummy papa aur bhaiya ko saath mein, to itne perfect lagte hain. and mai manhoos ki yarah aa jaati hu beech mein. (mumma thinks ki mera chehra normal rehne pe mahoos lagta hai, i should be smiling har samay varna apni life barbaad ke dungi aisi shakal bana ke).
marne ka ya relapse krne ka (i used to self harm) roz mann krta hai, but apni best friend aur apne bf ke baare mein sochke ruk jaati hu. sach mein doni pagal pyaar krte hain mujhse. bestfriend ki life already laudi ho rakhi hai, aur nhi pareshan krna, bf ki life mein pehle hi bohot trauma the, ab badhane ka mann nhi. i promised him I'd helo him heal.
ab 15 aur 16 ko cuet hai but padha nhi hai kuch and pata nhi kaise niklega. nikalka bhi zaruri hai varna home life aur fucked up ho jaayegi plus ghar se niklungi to insabme dimag nhi lagega.
samajh nhi aa raha kaise padhu ab, aakhiri din bacha hai, sab kuch padha hai but revise krna hai. idk bhai, higheay sach mein sundar lagne laga hai (srsly)
edit: aaj matashree ko therapy de rahi thi. and pata chala she has shit communication skills and she meant to say ki hopefully ye sab mera vehem hai but boldi kuch aur. and batayi mumma bhaiya bhi bola ho sakta hai vehem ho but he cried when he first heard it. matashree se phir ladi khub ki baat nhi krne aata achhe se ro rahi hu kb se. tumlogo ke comments+ mummy se baat krke jo relief Mila hai na, thankyou yaar. literally verge of suicide se happy kr diye ho.

nta teri maa ki ch*t, bkl randi agency mujhe palghar mai center de diya joh mere ghar se 120km dur hai aur 16 ko joh exam hai uska center maderchodo ne mujhe nashik ki kisi andheri gali mai de diya (mai rehta navi mumbai mai hu) joh mere ghar se 190kms dur hai
navi mumbai, thane aur mumbai select kiya tha 🤡🚬