Foods that start with i

Hi SF friends!
I started a grocery savings account on Instagram and wanted to share the idea with you all in hopes there are people on board.
I’ve found many grocery deals in the past and thought about how awesome it’d be if others knew about them as well. Aside from deals offered by large grocery chains, I actually find a lot of discounted produce from smaller local ethnic markets.
I hope through this project I’m able to help others save and bring more business to these smaller markets. In addition, food waste is estimated to be between 30-40% of food supply!! So it’d be great if what we’re doing helps reduce any food waste that potentially comes from these grocery markets.
If you’d like to contribute to the community or this project feel free to DM or tag @bigdealsbaby with deals you find while grocery shopping.
Here’s the Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/bigdealsbaby?igsh=NGVhN2U2NjQ0Yg%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
Thank you for the support!

Back story:
I 28F seen M39 for 6 months on and off back in 2020. It was COVID, lots of drinking and pure boredom. Not so safe sex. I became pregnant, he demanded I get an abortion, I refused, he quit his job and we went no contact. I advised him when our daughter was born. Nothing.
3 months ago/ 3 years later:
He requests paternity through the courts, the courts schedule all of us to come in at the same time, same waiting room. I felt backed into a corner and explained to my child someone wants to meet them.
Since then we have had 14 scheduled visits in total. ( I am present for every visit)
1 he was 6 hours late to and non responsive for the 6 hours. Yes I still aloud him to visit this day.
1 he canceled
1 where he sent his sister in his place and called it a “surprise” (I was not told about sister attending sport or requesting visit after) he did not respond with any answers for 48 hours and denied any wrong doing whatsoever. He denies that this was inconsistency, and thinks that I’m lying about our child crying for him. He says he is confused about my energy being different and that he doesn’t know where my “vibe” is coming from. I have proof of him in another state at a club the night before.
Out of the 12 successful visits a family member of his has been present for 7 of them. Leaving only 5 successful visits he has spent 1 on 1.
Prior to the last visit, I was picking him up for most of his 1 on 1 time. I have been accommodating and encouraging of the relationship. I’ve allowed him to visit at my home, and even starting to back off “watching him “ but still very close by. Now I’ve laid down that he will not be allowed in my home or car and we will stick to a once a week scheduled day and time. I’m asking that he schedule where and when after scheduled sport.
His response to the new arrangement is that I “have to” teach him / tell him what our child likes/ dislikes, what foods he should buy etc. so that he can take our child alone. He attempts to make plans, with our 3 year old over the phone. (Outside of the scheduled day) he even requests our 3 year old ask me if he can get in my car. This is now causing meltdowns and confusion.
I feel extremely manipulated all the time and I’m getting mixed opinions on what to do or not to do. Do I do anything at all? I left a lot of details out just to get to the point, but I’m willing to answer any reasonable questions.

Sorry this is so long but i’ve wanted to vent about this for some time. I guess i’ll start with some background info. when i was 20 i was living with my bf for 2 years but started to sleep at my parents house some nights because i was dealing with bad depression. my mom was always my main support system and i wanted to be around her more. i told my parents i was thinking about checking myself back into the psych ward (i’m diagnosed as bipolar) so i can get help bc i was having Sui**dal thoughts again. My dad told me he would just buy me a puppy for emotional support because he didn’t want to see me go back to the hospital after what i had went through there previously.
The dog was technically mine, i mean he bought her for me / thought she would make my mental health better. But when i ended up fully living with my bf again she stood with my parents & pretty much became their dog. I didn’t really care bc me & my bf ended up getting a dog of our own shortly after this.
That was 5 years ago. Last year my parents bought a house after they retired & obviously brought the dog with them. I want to point out that my dad has ALWAYS suffered with anxiety.. he’s actually currently in therapy and has been for a while. He has a psychiatrist & he used to be on antidepressants but now he’s only on medication for his anxiety as his depression has gotten better than it was before. I think he was happier with the quality of his life after the move.
The problem is he cannot leave the house or go ANYWHERE without bringing the dog with him. And he will NEVER leave her home alone EVER. Not even for five minutes. My mom doesn’t drive so whenever they run errands they run them together in my dads car. This dog goes to the grocery store with them .. she goes on dates with them ( they don’t eat out anywhere unless they are allowed to bring the door / only if the place has outdoor seating ) They bring her to Walmart, Doctors appointments ( my mom will usually wait in the car with the dog while my dad goes to his appointment if he wants my mom to come with him) The only time he’s not with the dog is if he takes a drive / runs an errand alone then he will leave her in the house with my mom. But since they moved, they have never both gone out on any sort of date alone without having the dog with them.
My mom really wanted to do this outdoor activity with him recently but he said they couldn’t go because the place didn’t allow dogs, so she went alone. A couple months ago their neighbors invited over them for a dinner party at their house which is literally 1 house over. My mom told my dad that she really would like if they leave the dog home alone because she wants to spend time with him & other people without having the dog with them.
They get to the neighbors house… 15 mins pass and my dad says he is going back home to check on the dog. Now idk how true this is what he told my mom. Apparentky when he got back home the dog pooped and peed everywhere in the house (like nervous poops i guess) & was crying and in so much distraught when he got back. He goes back to the neighbors house since it’s a couple feet away… makes an announcement to everyone that the dog “isn’t doing too good” & says he’s gonna go back home to be with her 🤦‍♀️
My mom was enjoying herself and didn’t want to leave so she told him to just go home but that she was going to stay for the dinner party. He went back home.
Another thing that happened which i feel like is really weird is that i feel like he’s trying to replace the dog with me. I haven’t lived with my parents in years & they live in a whole different state now. When i was a little girl i had this childrens plate that i ate breakfast on. Everyone in the house knew it as my plate. I also had a bowl with my name on the inside of it. Before i moved out of their apartment i left my blanket over there that i would sleep with every night as an adult. I never felt the need to bring it to my bfs house so i just left it there.
The first time i visited them i went in their cabinet while my food was cooking & i saw my child plate and thought it would be funny if i ate on it. I went to put my food on it & my dad screamed at me & said it was the dogs plate that she eats on & that i can’t use it because it’s her plate now. I thought he was joking but he wasn’t. He home cooks every meal for her & also feeds her by hand out the plate.. on both that plate and the bowl with my name on it. My parents have 2 couches. I noticed one of the couch had my blanket on it from their last apartment, & my dog was sitting on that couch. I wanted to sit with her while we watched a movie & so i grabbed the blanket and put it over me. My dad yelled at me & told me that’s her blanket & not to use it. At that point i literally looked at him and said “ it’s a blanket … and it’s a HUGE blanket why can’t i use it ??? she can still lay down with me” Then he was just like okay whatever & my mom also said it wasn’t a big deal …
I went to visit my parents over the weekend and my mom privately expressed to me that she wishes they could just go places without the dog. She said she really doesn’t want to bring the dog out with them every single time they have to run an errand. Sometimes she just wants alone time with my dad without having to worry about it they can bring the dog somewhere or not. I told her that they don’t need to bring the dog everywhere with them. She’ll be fine if they leave her alone, she’s not a puppy anymore. She said she knows this but that my dad doesn’t believe that she will be fine if she’s left home alone. She also feels like he needs the dog to be with him at all time because of HIS anxiety, not the dogs. I feel like my dad is the reason my dog has anxiety because she’s never left alone. & tbh even though physically she would be okay if they left her home alone mentally she prob would freak out since he will never put her in that situation. She’s brought this up to my dad and she said he doesn’t listen. He believes if they can bring the dog everywhere with them that there’s no reason to leave her home alone.
I just feel like something is really wrong mentally with my dad because of all of this. I think his anxiety is definitely a major factor to why he feels this way. But he also doesn’t realize that it’s effecting my mom negatively. I told her that she needs to really tell him this is becoming an issue but i think she’s scared to because he’s been dismissive about it before & gets upset with her when she brings it up. He’s in therapy.. but obviously this is never a topic of conversation that he can heal from because he doesn’t see an issue with it & isn’t going to bring it up to his therapist. If i said something to him i think i would seriously offend him & he would probably say that i have no right to say anything about his relationship with the dog because i don’t live under their roof.
Why is he like this? Do you think he needs the dog or believes the dog needs him? Will he ever change? Will my parents marriage eventually crumble because of this?
TL;DR - My dad has an unhealthy obsession with his dog & it’s starting to effect my mom. He can’t leave the house without her or do anything outdoors with my mom without bringing the dog. He has only left her home alone once in the 6 years they’ve had the dog. He thinks his behavior is normal & I’m trying to figure out why he is this way.

New dasher, been using the timestamp camera app from the start. Today I ran into an annoying issue with photos. When I have a drop off delivery, I take a pic, then I knock or ring on the door, then I go back to my car. and complete the delivery with the photo I took. You don't want to hang out in front of the door too long.
Twice today it complained that my photo was too slanted and I had to retake it. The photo clearly showed everything. But it required me to take another photo, no other option. By now the customer has grabbed their food and I can't take another photo. I had no choice but to mark the orders as handed to customer, taking that risk.
The programmer in me suspects this is because some AI can't decipher slanty photos. It shouldn't matter with the timestamp info and all. At least it should let me say the photo is fine and use it anyway. I'm finding the places where DD micro manages you to a specific procedure can be insulting and annoying. Don't even get me started on the "no contact" procedure.

Hello.
I (33f)have the CPTSD Ive known about it since a 2012 and have struggled since then to get treatment other than ssris. I recently had a mental health flare up and have finally found a therapist that I like. I lot of this have been coming up in therapy where my therapist thinks I should be kinder to myself or stand up for myself. I’m not sure because I’ve been trying to do so but it’s not seeming to work.
My husband works for himself/ works from home/ teaching himself to run a business for the past year. We live in hcol I work full time and pay for our health benefits, (he has an office in the apartment and we still split rent 50/50 (when he has the money to) and pay for all household goods and groceries (unless he is working and he will pay for half) I do most of the large purchases, car, insurance vacations, electricity and water and cell phones and he has the internet. He had liked to live month to month while trying to work as little as possible. I enjoy being with him when he has time for his own pursuits and he doesn’t like 9-5 life so I’m very happy with him not working as much as I do.
The thing is, is that he has been telling me that I don’t do enough, or that he doesn’t ask anything of me, or that I don’t spend enough quality time with him. He doesn’t like that I spend time after work reading or listening to audio books, scrolling Reddit or watching Tv. He says that he wants to see me being productive. He talks about how I need to have more productive hobbies. Like instead of reading, writing, or if I’m reading, blogging or reviewing it. He wants me to go on walks. He says I’d be less depressed if I did more things. He calls the time I spend in the evening mindlessly scrolling and said today that all the time I spend on my phone I could be spending with him. My screen time average is 2.5 hours/day. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m just wasting my whole life away, it makes me think that he thinks very low of me.
This past year he wanted to start having dinner together at the dinning room table every night. (Like we are “supposed to” It’s been hard for me to rally for them. We would fight because I have a hard time eating without relaxing first and I would be so keyd up after a long shift he would get upset that I wasn’t appreciative. It took a lot of conversation to get him to understand that I need that wind down time before I can face dinner and conversation and real life again. I hurt my back and was unable to sit at the table so he has been understanding about sitting at the couch. After dinner and watching a show together he gets upset if I get on my phone when he goes in his office to work. He wants me to spend the time more productively. On my phone I read and listen to audiobooks. I read 5-6 books a month usually. Sometimes more if they are short stories. Idk how to explain to him that I like reading and it helps me relax. I suggested we read the 5 love languages book and he bought it which made me so happy, after he read it he said he excelled in all the love languages and that it was me who didn’t know how to speak his love language. What am I supposed to say to that?
He does most of the daily household chores ie dishes and laundry. I’ve told him in the past that if he paid for part of the electricity and the health insurance I could afford to get a cleaner. When I was in school and working part time I kept a better house but it’s a lot harder now because my job is stressful and mentally exhausting. I thought the cleaner would solve the issue. He doesn’t think we need one but gets upset that I can’t keep up with half of the duties. Dispite the fact he is home 24/7 and I’m only home in the evenings. Sometimes I work up to 14 hour days. Also, some days I need to be in bed. I give a lot to my job and I thought to was worth it to keep our lifestyle going weather he is actively working or not but now I’m hearing that the only thing I contribute is money and that it doesn’t count because he is going to pay me back.
It’s still hard for me though because I always have to make sure I have the money because I never know if he will be able to contribute or not. I don’t really want to work a bunch either. I am also just a work enough to survive kinda person.
The biggest issue I have is that I don’t think he respects me. Because how could you have such a low opinion of someone you respect? Why does he keep saying that I don’t do anything or that he doesn’t ask anything of me. How can he love someone who doesn’t do anything? He says that he is just trying to better me but I’m okay with myself. I’m not perfect but I’m not bad.
It’s true, I’m depressed and love to get cozy in the couch for hours at a time while listening to an audiobook and scrolling Reddit . I do clean on weekends that I don’t also work. I do the dishes twice a week and vacuum and clean the toilet every weekend. I do the litter box every other month. (It’s the crystal that get changed monthly) I buy the cat food and we split feeding them unless I’m working. I don’t do the dishes daily though(I get depressed with the endless daily tasks) I offered to buy a dishwasher because I had no problem doing that daily but he didn’t want me to spend money on it. I prefer to do larger weekly tasks because it’s hard for me to have the energy daily. I don’t like to cook after work so I’ll order us dinner or pick groceries that are quick meals. This is not what he considers healthy though and prefers to cook us healthy meals.
To me this relationship is me finding compromises and him finding reasons why I’m not doing things right. I am trying my best but I just feel like it’s never enough.
Am I crazy for being hurt by his attitude towards me despite him saying it’s to better me? Is my depression and laziness after work making me a bad partner or is my partner not being understanding of my needs?

I started working at this little pizza and grill restaurant in a pretty wealthy part of Austin when i was 16 and stayed until i was 20. The tips were insane for a large period of time i was making 450+ a night which was just mind blowing to 18 year old me.
Despite how successful we were the management was always a bit stupid, and so the owner apparently borrowed 100 grand or so for some sort of gamble and ended up losing everything.(not super clear on the exact story here) They had to sell the restaurant or they’d go bankrupt, this led to it getting sold to this new guy jeremy who after we did some research on, we found out we was fresh out of jail for investment fraud of 15 million+ and had never had any restaurant experience.
When he started we were immediately all so shocked and this mad would walk into the kitchen everyday with his flip flops and little yorkie(YES DOG BEHIND THE LINE!!!), and he spent most every night getting wasted with the regulars at our bar wellll after close.
initially, despite how insane he seemed he seemed to be much nicer than the previous management. he carried around ginormous wads of cash(everything about this time seemed so so illegal) and gave everyone raises etc. that didn’t end up lasting though. he overhauled the menu and the quality of ingredients went down the fuckin toilet as he doubled the prices. during this time he also changed to only doing cash payments or us individually taking venmo’s which was the biggest fucking nightmare and pissed off the customers so much. as time went on he got meaner and one evening he exploded at me because i hadn’t brought out the half of a ticket that was ready(because we bring out the tickets when all the food is ready). lots of stuff like that happened and he eventually stopped paying all the staff and kept telling everyone if they quit they would not get the money they had been owed. anyway he tried to call me in moment of one night and got pissed that i could so i told him he could go fuck himself and i quit on the spot. the place ended up getting shut down a few weeks later i think because all of the kids who he hadn’t payed for over a month or two took him down.
anyway i just wanted to tell how absolutely insane that whole time was for me and that’s just the tip of the iceberg for the shit that went down during that time.

I (25f) am a single mom of a disabled child. He has both ASD and Epilepsy. I absolutely love him and adore him, but I struggle heavily. I’ve had to take on an “as needed job”, which means less work hours due to having to take care of him. He started having seizures back in November, which landed him into the hospital for a week. I’ve had to pour so much money into child-proofing my apartment to keep him from hurting himself. He chews on and breaks everything he comes into contact with.
I also don’t have a good car and can’t afford a new one. This also has caused me to miss work. My last paycheck was literally only $149 due to this fact. I have applied for assistance and currently get food stamps and medical assistance. I also am working on getting disability for my son.
When it comes to trying to get child support, that’s a whole situation I don’t care to explain.
I also no longer have as many friends as I used to. After my son was in the hospital, I was venting to my friends, and one of them accused me of “bitching” about the situation. I don’t even understand how you could say that to a person who went through something so traumatic. This also caused a falling out with another friend who was in the middle of it. I can’t see myself being friends with them anymore because I could never stay friends with somebody who disrespected somebody I love like that during such a hard time.
Because of the fact that I have to keep so many things up for my son not to get into, it’s caused my place to become cluttered in various places. I have absolutely nowhere to put anything and I don’t have the energy to constantly clean. Every food he eats, he scatters it everywhere and smears it. He’s way too big for a high chair, so I can’t just put him in one to eat. It’s also extremely exhausting to attempt to keep him sitting in one spot to get him to eat.
Overall, I’m not doing well at all. I’d go to therapy, but that doesn’t solve me being broke and doing everything by myself. I’m absolutely drained.

Ive been cutting out a lot of food because i hate my body and my chubby face and want to lose my fat, but my coworkers and I made tacos for our shift and they looked really good so I caved and was feeling bad about myself after. my coworker said that my diet wasn’t healthy anyways and wasn’t gonna work and then another coworker started laughing, I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm when they said it and i think I’m overreacting, but it hurt me a lot. Shes so pretty and can eat anything and stay skinny and she has a slim face and her comment really fked with me, so now i’m crying as I write this :). I hate myself so much.

I’m not sure what to do. 3 months ago I took my indoor cat to the vet for you annual where she was completely fine and healthy. 3-4 days later she started getting these dots on her nose and the sniffles/runny nose. A couple weeks later the runny eyes. So bad that she has hair loss where her eyes run. She has to breath out of her mouth because her nose is so stuff up. Also she started developing lumps on her ears with hairless there as well. She’s not really coughing or wheezing but she frequently sneezes.
About 3 weeks later I took her into the vet and told me it was feline herpes and prescribed her lysine. The lysine didn’t change anything and once I finished that I started her on oral nose relief drops for cats, also allergy immune boost oral oil. I told my vet that she wasn’t getting any better but I didn’t want to take her in because of how much that stresses her out and it’s not going to help her recovery. Not to mention, it’s expensive as fuck for them not to do anything that will actually help. Anyways the vet told me to give her a low dose of Zyrtec. I tried that for a while and she seemed to be doing better for a week or two but now I see it getting worse again.
I don’t know what to do or how to help her. She’s miserable and I can feel her fever is back! There is no change in her food except now she doesn’t want to eat so I started giving her wet food, same formula. We moved but that was back in October, to my moms. I thought my mom’s dogs may have triggered it so I moved in with my bf. She was doing better at first but now it’s all back. She’s been in a nice big peaceful house with us so I’m not sure what is causing this, there are also no other animals or plants in the house. I’ve had her for 3 years now and she is 4. She has never had ANY of these symptoms before march. Is this even feline herpes? Do flare ups last 3 months?? Please any advice would be great. My poor baby is miserable.

So I’m diagnosed with ADHD, and like us all my adderall does not work before my period. I just started adderall 10mg XR twice a day, 3 months ago. It’s been amazing other than this time of the month. I’m currently in luteal, my period is like 3 days late and I’m suffering.
Before adderall I’ve always noticed extreme PMS symptoms, but I always wrote it off as being normal. But I would vent to my sister and my mom about it, they’d see me burst into tears over NOTHING and I’d be like “oh, I’m just PMS’ing.” And they’d go ”that’s not normal though…”
During luteal I:
-Cry over nothing. Literally. I’ll just ball up on the couch and feel like a baby. I’ll bawl my eyes out just because I feel like a baby for no reason lol.
-Have really bad RSD. Today I asked my boyfriend to hang out and he apologized and said he wanted to stay home after work. I was so unreasonably upset, and this happens every. Month. That’s one of my telltale signs that my period is arriving.
-Get reaaaally depressed. Today I just felt so down and apathetic. Nothing gives me joy this time of the month. Every single month when I PMS, I feel so apathetic and bored that I consider antidepressants because life feels so dark. Then by like mid-period/when my period ends, the heaviness and depression is gone and I enjoy things again.
-Sore boobs. Anytime I’m worried if my period is on its way, I jiggle my boobs and if they’re extremely sore, I know it’s on its way lol.
-Extreme hunger, and sometimes jait a strong craving for unhealthy comfort foods.
-ADHD is so much worse. Like I said, adderall barely does shit during this time. It’ll work a little bit but maybe only for like 2 hours. Once it wears off I forget if I ever even took it. The lack of focus is insane.
-Bloating. Oh god the bloating.
I also experience slightly irregular periods but nothing too crazy. My cycle is normally 25-27 days. But some months my period can be like 7 days early or late.
Anyway. That’s all to say, I suspect I may have pmdd. At the very least, I feel like my pms is not normal especially hearing my sister and friends experiences with pms. I feel like mine is more extreme…and I’m considering birth control again. I also loved the peace of mind being on birth control when it comes to pregnancy. Right now my bf and I use condoms + pullout (ALWAYS both, never one or the other), so I’d love to have the freedom to not use condoms anymore.
What are y’all’s experiences on the pill? I’ve tried a few different brands, all combo pills. One in particular, I think it was Junel fe, actually worked so well. But this was years ago, I don’t remember specifics but I remember being really happy this time of my life. But some combo pills were hell…
For those of you that take bc pills, what kinds work for you? Should I take a mini pill and avoid estrogen, or does estrogen help? I’m going to talk to a doctor soon but I’d like to just hear others experiences first-hand.
I’m also against trying an IUD because I’m a scaredy cat lol, so I’m really only open to pills at this time. Would just love to hear others experiences out of curiosity.
Thanks!

I’m not sure what to do. 3 months ago I took my indoor cat to the vet for you annual where she was completely fine and healthy. 3-4 days later she started getting these dots on her nose and the sniffles/runny nose. A couple weeks later the runny eyes. So bad that she has hair loss where her eyes run. She has to breath out of her mouth because her nose is so stuff up. Also she started developing lumps on her ears with hairless there as well. She’s not really coughing or wheezing but she frequently sneezes.
About 3 weeks later I took her into the vet and told me it was feline herpes and prescribed her lysine. The lysine didn’t change anything and once I finished that I started her on oral nose relief drops for cats, also allergy immune boost oral oil. I told my vet that she wasn’t getting any better but I didn’t want to take her in because of how much that stresses her out and it’s not going to help her recovery. Not to mention, it’s expensive as fuck for them not to do anything that will actually help. Anyways the vet told me to give her a low dose of Zyrtec. I tried that for a while and she seemed to be doing better for a week or two but now I see it getting worse again.
I don’t know what to do or how to help her. She’s miserable and I can feel her fever is back! There is no change in her food except now she doesn’t want to eat so I started giving her wet food, same formula. We moved but that was back in October, to my moms. I thought my mom’s dogs may have triggered it so I moved in with my bf. She was doing better at first but now it’s all back. She’s been in a nice big peaceful house with us so I’m not sure what is causing this, there are also no other animals or plants in the house. I’ve had her for 3 years now and she is 4. She has never had ANY of these symptoms before march. Is this even feline herpes? Do flare ups last 3 months?? Please any advice would be great. My poor baby is miserable.

My family had people over on Saturday and now today every single person who was here had v* and d* starting early this morning, including one of the people I live with. My mom and I seem to be fine as of right now (she was just feeling run down today and some slight d). I wasn’t really with everyone when they were here on Saturday besides when I went to go eat but besides that, I was mostly in my room. I’m not really sure how this started since no one had any symptoms while they were here, and I also don’t think it’s food poisoning since a family member of one of the people who were here also got s this morning but she wasn’t at my house.
Trying my best to avoid this and I really hope I can 😭 I’ve been washing my hands, I wiped down some surfaces with bleach wipes (especially toilets), and I’m trying to mostly stay in my room. If anyone has any other tips, let me know! Shoutout to my anxiety meds tho cause I still really don’t want to catch it especially since I have plans this weekend but if I wasn’t on my meds I would be in absolute shambles right now lol

For the longest time, my girls didn't stash. However, recently they've started to do so, and they picked the worst possible place - their toilet. Is there any sensible way to teach them to either not stash at all (they have a bowl with food at all times, though it's not their favorite food, that one I give as treats and/or through enriching), or to guide them into using more sanitary places? I'm also worried about them potentially stashing away fresh things which spoil quickly like salad.

throwaway account because she’s crazy I (26F) and my fiancé (27M) are getting married in under a month. To say our wedding planning has been less than ideal is quite the understatement. My soon to be MIL, let’s call her Barbra, has made the last year of my life a living hell. My fiancé, Derek, and I have been together for 3 years, engaged for just over one year. When Derek and I first started dating I had an incredible relationship with Barbra. We would hang out, run errands, have sleepovers.. we had a relationship most girls dream of having with their future MIL. That all changed when this pretty little ring slipped on my finger…
For some context, Barbra has an extremely volatile relationship with her ex husband (Derek’s dad) and his wife (Derek’s step mom). Their history stems back 20+ years and has been an ever present issue in Derek’s every day life. Barbra made it her mission for Derek to despise his father and step mother the way she did, totally unnecessary behavior.
Fast forward to this past year. Take a narcissistic future MIL and a people pleasing bride, then add a wedding and this is where you end up.
Around 8 months ago, my fiancé and I decided we wanted to have a backyard rehearsal dinner with food trucks, a bonfire, games- totally our style. We figured we didn’t need to big fancy dinners back to back. Derek’s dad’s house is a no-brainer perfect spot for something like this. Far back off of any road, tons of land, a pool. Not to mention; it’s his DAD’s house. Well when I brought this idea up to Barbra (we were 2.5 hours out of town for the weekend just me and her) she LOST. HER. SHIT. Screaming, crying, stomping her feet… It was like trying to communicate with a toddler who missed their nap. All because it was going to be at Derek’s dad’s house. Basically “everyone is going to think -stepmom- is the mother of the groom instead of me!” on and on, screaming history over 20 years old at me as a justification. I was extremely uncomfortable to say the least, considering I’d never seen this behavior from her. I cried myself to sleep every night that weekend, I felt pathetic and defeated. It went on like that all weekend little digs here and there. by the time I finally got home I broke down crying over how I was spoken to and treated. I mean the woman screamed in my face, as if I was her six-year-old child.
Between then and this past weekend, there has been little digs, constant attitude, and random spiteful acts that let met know she never let go of that weekend because I came home and told Derek, who in turn flipped out on her.
this past weekend was my bridal shower. I grew up about six hours away from where I currently live, which is Derek‘s hometown. Everyone including Barbara and Derek stepmom traveled to be at the shower. I knew it wouldn’t be good when I invited. Barbara and her response was “well I guess if stepmother is going I have to go don’t I?”
Not not only did she begin moving place settings away from stepmother’s table to the point where stepmother was left alone at a table, she told my maid of honor that the only reason my MOH felt the need to sit at my table was “to be the center of attention.” Completely disregarding that I specifically asked to sit with her and the rest of my bridesmaids, considering I don’t live near any of them anymore, and we never get to see each other. Then she tried to kick my aunt and cousin out of her table because it was “the mom table “, only stopped when my mom told her she was staying. She rolled her eyes at my gifts I opened from derek’s step mom. She was also dissing derek’s step mom to every person she spoke to, to the point where 10+ people came to me after the shower telling me how uncomfortable she made them. Derek’s step mom is the sweetest woman ever and she left the shower crying.
There were several other behaviors, but this post would be far too long (it already is). When Derek got home and called her out, she absolutely lost it. Now she is blowing up our phones, saying she is ashamed of Derek and I, and told Derek to “have fun with his new family.” So many nasty remarks a mother should never say to their son. She did her usual playing the victim, “how dare we”, and blaming her behavior on every other person. Zero accountability.
at this point, she has ruined every single event relating to my wedding that I’ve had. She hosted my bachelorette (ruined it by being mean to all of my friends, throwing a gift derek’s step mom made for her across the room in front of everyone while cursing about how stupid and ugly it was) , she came with me to pick up my wedding dress (insisted on getting the one she loved that i hated, told me she didn’t care for the one i got), and she shits all over any idea I present to her. Every time I call my parents. I’m crying over something new that she said to intentionally hurt me or disrupt our planning.
Would I be the asshole if I didn’t allow her to get ready on the bridal suite on the day of? I’m honestly scared for how she act in there now that she thinks “everyone is against her. “ I would prefer for her to not even come to the wedding at all but I’ll let Derek make that call.
Edit: I want to say that Derek has defended me in a way that has made me fall even more in love with him. He’s been stern and harsh, telling her exactly how it is without faltering. The issue is this goes right over her head. I’m feeling like this will only stop if it comes from me.

To start: I am a socialist and a supporter of Chavismo Venezuela. It was clear to me that, at the time, Juan Guaido was a US puppet who served to neoliberalize Venezuela. It seemed clear that the general public (primarily black/brown and working class Venezuelans) supported Maduro out of loyalism to Chavez and that Guaido was such a corrupt shill that even his own base turned against him. Makes sense that he's a college professor in Miami right now haha.
Despite the obvious hardships the Venezuelan people are facing (food insecurity for one), I don't believe that a neoliberal, free-market Venezuela would've benefitted the people. It seems abundantly clear that sanctions on Venezuela have provided a great deal of harm to its people. What I want to avoid though, is falling into the Max Blumenthal trap of venerating Nicholas Maduro. His government seems to have a lot of issues with internal and external corruption but I'm weary of immediately buying the "narco state" narrative (I am open to the idea of it at least being partially true). What do we think?

It is a man, old and scraggy. He wears a jacket that lays over the red plaid button shirt and blue jeans. He wears an old baseball cap and a pair of glasses. He yelled something to Dad, holding his hands up like he was pleading, although we couldn’t hear it over the truck engine. They talked, but we couldn’t hear what they were saying.
“Hey, what are they saying”, I asked, while petting Matt’s hair, calming him. The old man then put his hands down and came close to Dad in a cautious way. They seem to start having some kind of conversation.
“I don’t really know, hopefully, something good”, Mom answered. They talked for a little while, with daylight beginning to disappear, giving us a sense of dread, and making me more worried about what weird creature was going to show up. Eventually, the old man turned and pointed toward what I think is the northeast. They then shook hands and walked back to their respective vehicles. “What’s going on”, Mom asked as Dad got into the truck.
“Well, our new friend here invited us to dinner at his farm”, Dad replied.
“Does he have supplies?”
“Well, he says has supplies for us to make the journey.”
“Should we even trust him? We just met h-”
“Relax, he’s just an old man, living alone at his farm, feeding his cows. What could go wrong”, Dad countered. The old man then entered the truck that was running and drove slowly, expecting us to follow him.
“Alrighty then, but we have to be cautious”, Mom said, with her suspicions of the old man. We then followed the old truck along the dark, frozen road. It just feels like something is going to show up along the road, but nothing happened. Matt did eventually stop crying, but he is still upset about the Joe escape thing.
“Where are we going”, Matt lamented, with the prior series of events in mind.
“I guess somebody is offering us dinner”, I answered.
“Why can’t we just go home?”
“It’s only going to be a stop, like a hotel. After that, we go to our new home, I guess”, I said, taking another look at Matt and cradling to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay.” I stared out into the darkness. I looked to the sky from the window and I faintly saw something in the clear, dark sky, lit up by the waning moon. They were brilliant, green auroras that defy the bright moon, dancing across the sky like ribbons in the wind. The truck eventually took a right-hand turn into another road, with us following suit. I can see a bright, orange light emerging from a patch of tree. When we passed by, it seemed it was a house, at a farm, burning in a massive flame.
“I guess those people aren’t so, uh, lucky”, Dad said, taking a quick look at it before looking at the road. Passing by, we went on and continued to follow the old man’s truck. We passed onto another intersection until he turned into a driveway to what I believe to be his farm. Going into the driveway, I can see an old house, along with a dilapidated farm further away, barely visible by the headlights. The old man parked by the house, where there were a few other trucks there. We parked alongside the truck and we got out into the cold, near-silent night.
“Welcome to sanctuary, where all are welcome”, the old man bellowed. This is the first time I’ve heard his voice. Matt was the last to get out of the truck, slowly and clumsily climbing out of the truck.
“What’s your name”, my Mom politely asked the old man.
“Oh, I guess your husband didn’t tell ya. My name is Steven, but you can call me Steve”, the old man said, with some crackling in his voice. “I am very proud to host a dinner for you and your family”, he continued. “What’s your name, ma’am?”
“Oh, my name is Janice”, Mom replied, quite pleased at his politeness.
“Hello, Janice, and what are their names”, Steven asked, pointing to me and Matt.
“That’s my daughter Kate and my son Matt”, Dad said to Mom.
“Oh, what wonderful names for a couple of beautiful children you have”, Steve grinned. “Come, it is dangerous out here.” We followed him to the house, which looked like it had seen better days. He entered through the double-set door, the first a solid door and a screen door behind. Entering the house, it smelled like what you’d expect, old man. Looking onto the floor is made of glossy wood and walls with cracks, likely caused by the earthquake. It is dark in there, lit by candlelight from many candles, yet it’s fairly warm here. I don’t know why we went into the house, but Dad was right, Steve is just a lonely, old man. Matter of fact, there seems to be nothing wrong here, other than the cracks in the walls. “Sorry, the power went out. Had to resort to the candles. I knew my wife would come in handy”, Steve explained as he took his coat off. “Oh, supper will be ready right away. Had to use the fireplace to cook. Also, can you take your boots off?” We took our boots and set them aside. We went into what seemed to be a living room, with dusty old-style furniture.
“So, where do we sit”, Mom asked.
“Oh, well, follow me”, Steve commanded, leading us to the dining room, with a long, wooden table and six wooden chairs, along with their corresponding old-fashioned plates, glasses and cutlery, lit up in the candlelight. We noticed that everything on the table was covered in a thin veil of dust. “My apologies, the recent shocks dropped a bit of dust on the table”, he explained as he noticed us looking at the plates and moved into another room nearby. “Take your seats if you like.” We all settled onto the chairs, and blew off our plates of the dust settled there.
“When will we eat”, Matt impatiently said.
“Once Steve comes out with the food”, Mom answered. Matt sat there with a tired look on his face. Dad seemed to be in a better mood than before and it looked like he wanted to start a conversation.
“Hey, should we talk about something”, Dad asked. I then see Steve with a bowl and a silver plate.
“Here we go, may not be much, but at least it’ll fulfil the soul”, Steve said, smiling when he served us mashed potatoes and meatloaf. “So, shall we pray?” That came unexpectedly, as we are not too religious, but we were in his house and gave us shelter and food.
“Sure, we can do that”, Mom said and we all bowed our heads and put our hands together. Steve cleared his throat
“Thank you, Lord, for this good food to feed the soul in these hard times. I shall pray, in the name of the Lord and Jesus Christ, that these hard times shall be over, so we can get on with our lives. Amen.” We raised our heads and grabbed whatever food there was onto our plates. “Oh, there’s no gravy, so we have to deal with bare potaters and meatloaf.”
“Oh, not to worry. Thank you for the food”, Dad thanked Steve. We began to eat the food once we got it sorted.
“So, what brings you here”, Steve asked.
“Well, there is an evacuation order in effect for this area, so we had to go to Regina”, Dad explained, with Steve taking in every word. “So, we came from Strasbourg, we tried going south towards Regina, but we hit an obstacle in the way and we had to take another route, leading us here.”
“And we encountered a few odd things along the way”, Mom added.
“Huh, interesting. What do you guys think is going on”, Steve inquired.
“By the things we saw, we have no idea. Dinosaurs, devil dogs, hell pigs, the whole deal. I shouldn’t forget the earthquake. They told us a pipeline leak caused by the earthquake”, Dad clarified to Steve.
“Hmm… is that so”, Steve wondered. “Wonder what I think is happening? The Rapture is happening. Do you know how the Bible tells us of the end times? Good people sent to be with God and his kingdom, the rest here to suffer the Hell unleashed by Satan.” By this point, he was beginning to rant, but we couldn't stop it as we all began to feel tired and powerless. “So, the Devil will send his demons in the form of these illusions so that they can torment the sinners. It is happening, it is-” Steve manically continued as I drew towards blackness and his voice becoming less coherent. My vision is now all black.
I saw those same lights, but more rapidly than before. I then emerged onto the same clear sky, but something felt different. I can smell something in the air. I can smell what seems to be chemicals in the air. Looking down, I was terrified. Dark, grey rock in the shape of ropes and folds, similar to those I saw of lava flows on a volcano in pictures. This went on as far as the eye could see. I can see no tree this time, just the cooled lava everywhere. I then walked, feeling every bump and crag. I thought I walked forever until I heard a rumbling sound and woke up.
I am in total darkness. It is cold and it smells like cow manure. I tried to move my hand, but it seemed to be bonded behind my back by a rope. I tried to move my feet, but they were also bound by rope to the legs I tried to speak, only to realise my mouth was agape by a cloth in my mouth. I heard shuffling nearby but I could not see. It was then shone in light when Steve entered the door, holding a candle, revealing all of us in the same situation. I then can see what we are in. We are in that same wooden dilapidated barn we saw earlier and seems to be more damaged than the house, wood creaking can be heard.
“These sedatives are more effective than I thought. Maybe I should use them more often”, Steve smoothly explained, like he’s some kind of agent and began pacing. “Wonder why you are here? Well, I wondered the same thing to myself, why didn’t God take me to his heaven? When I first heard of the government telling us of those evacuation plans, I thought it was that, a leaking pipe. I began to notice things I couldn’t believe myself, at least at first. Earthquakes, weird creatures showing up, people disappearing, the whole spiel. I connected the dots. The Rapture is happening, for sure, but why me? Why was I the one left here on this Earth”, Steve calmly ranted, pacing around the barn, but it seemed to sound crazier and angrier the more he paced. “I thought I had lost my way. I’ve been unfaithful to God and his son. But, I realised that God always has a plan and he left me on this Earth to serve a purpose. I wondered what my purpose was until I had a moment.” He then stopped in place and calmed down. He turned to look at Mom with accusing yet crazed eyes.
“I’m supposed to keep the sinners here in line, to earn a place in God’s kingdom, or suffer in Hell. I know you are a sweet woman, Janice, but your treachery with Satan is over and I am going to do what’s right.” Mom then looked at all of us, with assuring eyes like that of an innocent yet caring mother we all know knew. I began crying and trying to speak through the cloth, but I was helpless to watch by. “Forgive me, Father, for what I am going to do.” He then pulled a knife from his pocket and plunged it into Mom’s neck with no mercy. I looked away once he did that, trembling, with tears pouring out and my vision glazed and I fell limp. I could see my brother tearing up, but he did not look away. I can hear Dad behind me, with his screams of agony and anger covered by the cloth. It felt like I was in slow motion, taking in every moment.
I then heard the chair, screeching as Steve dragged the chair containing Mom’s lifeless body towards the door, leaving behind a trail of blood. I couldn’t bear to see my mother like this. I shut my eyes very hard and hoped it would go away. The door then shut, leaving us alone with a candle, fearing what would come next. I stared at the candle, seeing it dance in the flames like a woman dancing in the darkness. Is this how it’ll end, I thought. End up dying to this sick man? My Mom was killed in front of me. I sobbed with that thought, then I began to think about the inevitable death of me. I hope there’s something after I die. Maybe I’ll see Mom again.
It was silent for a while, nearly no sound other than our moans. Dad seems to be fidgeting at the back of his chair, rocking it slowly. Looking past him, I shuddered at the glistening pool of blood, where Mom was last alive, could be my fate. I then see Dad release his arms from the back of the chair and remove the cloth from his mouth. He silently stood up and bent down to untie his legs from the chair legs. He then went to me and removed my cloth.
“H-h-how did you do that”, I silently wept, fearing that Steve would show up at the door and kill us all.
“My binding is loose. The old man probably took a liking to me”, Dad whispered. “I should remove your binds.” He untied them, releasing me, doing the same for Matt. “Now, we need to be quiet.” We then walked, quietly, along the painfully creaking wood in the near dark, following the blood trail, glistening in the candlelight. We cringed and dreaded each sound we made and watched the door in case it began to creak open. A few silent steps later, we made it to the door and we slowly opened it so as not to make any noise. What was revealed to us is nothing new, other than the blood trail continuing in the snow directing towards the back of the barn. “Okay, Kate, Matt, you guys run to the truck.”
“What about you”, I sobbed.
“Don’t worry about me”, Dad responded, giving me his keys and forcing them into my hand. “If I’m not back in a few minutes, leave. Don’t look back, take care of your brother, okay? I love you, no matter what happens.” He then kissed me on the head and ran to follow the blood trail. We quickly walked towards the black truck, stranded there for maybe hours. Getting closer, freedom is getting closer. When we got to a fair distance to the truck, I heard footsteps behind me and, the next thing I knew, I was knocked over to the ground into the hard snow on my face. A hand turned me over to give me a glimpse of a crazed Steve, his eyes wilder than before.
“Oh, yes, trying to escape”, he bragged. I looked at him, frozen in fear, like a deer in headlights and he caressed my face with his bloodied blade. “You do have a pretty face, but I’m afraid you are just one of Satan's creations, made to pull me to lust.” He then raised his knife in the air when a familiar side emerged, out of the blue.
Joe came and bit him in the arm that was holding the knife. Steve screamed in agony the moment he realised what happened. He shook Joe off and stood up to stand his ground. I stood up as Joe hissed and walked around the crazed being he wounded, not in fear but in aggressiveness. “Is this one of your pets, demon”, Steve screamed as Joe came in for another attack, but Steve countered that with a slash to the snout. Joe then ran away, whining, into the darkness. This sequence of events gave me the chance to enter the truck on the driver’s side. I had some trouble starting it, besides this is my first time driving a truck.
Steve menacelily walked towards the when Dad came barreling and tackled him to the ground. Dad was on top when he went limp. I finally put the keys in the engine turned it on and backed out, with memory serving me the instructions on such a vehicle. Steve pushed Dad’s body and stood up, but by that time, we left the farm.
“Turn back, we have to get Dad”, Matt cried, but I was very emotional, accepting what happened. I felt that, without my parents, I feel… useless.
“Dad’s dead”, I screamed at Matt and he began gagging uncontrollably in tears. I began to feel sorry for him. “Sorry, I, I don’t know.”
“It’s okay”, Matt sniffled. “I guess Mom and Dad are dead anyways.” It was silence for a few more minutes, tears welling in our eyes.
“Hey, our parents are in a better place”, I said, trying to make the situation positive.
“But we are stuck here, without them? Don’t we deserve to go to a better place?”
“Don’t say that”, I huffed and I paused for a bit. “I know we are in the, uh, right place now. Let me tell you something, once we get to Regina, I will take care of you, no matter what life throws at us.”
“What about Joe”, Matt asked.
“He’ll be fine. He probably found his girlfriend already.”
“Hey, don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“I, uh, I don’t have one. That I know of”, I spoke, bringing me back to Sam, remembering that she’s the only friend that I ever knew, and I left her. Without her, I felt alone, no one would ever relate. I began to tear up. “I don’t have any friends. I am alone,” I sobbed.
“What do you mean? I’m your brother!” I looked at Matt, and smiled, happy that he acknowledged that we were in this together.
“Thank you”, I thanked him. I slowly stopped on the road, just to hug Matt hard, crying my eyes out. We then heard what sounded like an elephant in front of us. We looked up to see a walking snow-covered brown fur wall with four pillar-like legs in front of us. Its curved tusks gleaned in the light and the eyes reflected in the light. The furry trunk waved around like a searching snake from a tree. We both knew what it was.
“Hey, look at that, a woolly mammoth”, Matt said, excitement running through him. At this point, we weren’t surprised.
“Yep, that is a woolly mammoth”, I added. The mammoth turned to us on the road, seemingly confused about where it was. It looked at our truck and seemed to growl, like an elephant. We are starting to realise this thing is becoming aggressive.
“Uh, should we move”, Matt asked. I remembered hearing something about standing your ground in case of an encounter with an elephant. I hoped it would work for a bigger, furrier version of one.
“No, we have to stand our ground.”
“But, it’ll attack u-”
“Trust me!” I then honked my horn and it backed up. It then rushed, then stopped, a mock charge. Eventually, it moved out of the road, disappearing into the darkness. We sighed in relief.
“That was close”, Matt sighed. I then continued to drive in the night, headlights leading the way. The road is bumpy, as noticed by every ditch and peak we hit, but surprisingly, Matt was fast asleep. I began to get comfortable driving and used to the road by that point. It was silent for a while until we hit a smaller intersection. That is when the truck shut down, completely and stopped. I tried the gas many times but with no effect. There is no light, nothing. It is near-darkness here, shone only by the moonlight.
“Shit”, I yelled, desperate to turn the truck on without much success. Matt woke up, confused.
“What happened”, he yawned.
“The truck turned itself off. I can’t get it back on”, I fretted and at that moment, Matt was just as panicked as I am.
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know. One moment, we were driving, another it just-”, I quavered, when I heard something rustle in the distance. We stood still, hoping whatever it was didn’t find us. I looked around, hoping to see something in the moonlight. I then see a long, walking animal. It looked like some sort of alligator at first, except for a dinosaur-like head. Once I strained my eyes to the darkness, my fear levels rose as I could see it walk on its hind limbs, with its forelimbs dangling nearly touching the ground.
It was wandering around on the road when I heard a near-crocodilian growl at Matt’s side of the truck. Another of those creatures appeared, seemingly looking into the window like a hungry bear, giving us a chance to see its scaly head. Its exposed alligator teeth gleaned in the light like knives, but more terrifying was the eye. Its serpentine pupil shone brilliantly in the light like eyes in the dark. It then ducked down, gave a hiss, and moved towards the other one. A few more showed up and formed a group.
“What should we do”, Matt asked. “Should we stay?” I looked around, hoping for another way to escape them without them noticing. I further strained my eyes and mentally mapped out the area. There is a cemetery on my right-hand side, a grain bin storage yard on my left and a series of trailers on the other side of the highway, which is ahead of us, from the storage area. There, I see a series of white, storage buildings, something we can go to and wait it out inside.
“Okay, so slowly open the door”, I instructed Matt. The click of the doors opening cringed us. We looked at the group, but there was no response from them. We then, as slowly as we could, opened the door and stepped out. Still no response. Matt then quietly ran to the other side, towards me. “Okay, we are going into the storage yard and go to the other entrance”, I said, pointing to the other right-hand corner. I wanted to get as far away from these things as possible before making a safe crossing. “Then, we cross the highway on the other side, run into the buildings and stay there for the night. Are you ready?”
“I guess”, he whispered, looking at me in fearful doubt.
“We are going to do this”, I whispered back. We then silently ran over, having to rely on our night-adapted eyes, to the corner, walking past the bins. We made it and nothing behind us so far. “We’re good so far.” We then crossed the road and noticed nothing. We noticed a tanker truck, leaking some sort of fluid across the road. I easily recognized it as fuel, based on its distinctive, sickly smell. I wouldn’t be worried about it if it weren’t for a collapsed light pole that is somehow still flickering with electricity near the area where the fuel would be flowing. We quickly avoided the fluid when I froze to see the group of the walking alligators, running towards us. “Run!” Matt tried to run, but one of those things appeared and clamped its jaws at the back of his neck. He yelped in pain and it took him down to the ground. “Matt”, I yelled, helplessly watching as the creature tore into him.
Matt reached out his arm before the others came to him, then a flash of fire came. At this point, I knew what happened, but I couldn’t even think before it exploded. It blew me towards the building, far away. I was knocked out for a few seconds before I regained consciousness, groaning in pain on the ice. I noticed something especially painful just below my chest. I reached towards the area with my hand. I pressed on it, more painful than ever and raised my hand, only to see blood, brightened by the fire. I realised I was wounded, maybe by shrapnel made by the explosion.
I looked toward where the truck was and all I saw was a blaze. Those things weren’t there, at least. I also noticed something else, too, there’s no Matt. I tried to look around for something, some sort of sign of my brother within the fire, but I saw none. I then wept, realising I had failed. I have failed to keep him safe. I have failed to give him a better life. I failed him as a sister. I could’ve done better. The thoughts poured in as tears glazed my eyes. At that moment, I failed to look around me.
I noticed a dark thing beside the blaze. I thought it was Matt, preparing to greet him back, even though I knew he couldn’t survive the explosion. The image became clearer and clearer as I noticed it was one of the walking crocs that, glazed by the fire, was coming towards me.
“Just kill me”, I screamed, preparing to painfully die to meet my maker. The creature was about to attack me when something large, silent as the wind, came charging and clamped down its massive jaws, filled with conical teeth on the hapless creature and raised it. The crocodile struggled before going limp with a crunch within its strong jaws. The big, dark and scaly monster that it is towered over me and is as long as a bus, possibly longer. Its large legs are a contradiction to its small arms that hide beneath its scarred, bulky body.
It turned to look at me with an oddly bird-like expression, revealing in the firelight numerous scars from battles I could never know and looked at me with its beady bird-like eyes, breathing out wisps from its nostrils like a dragon in the cool air. I recognized it as a creature I know too well, a T. Rex. I breathed heavily and sickly, looking at the thing, nearly expecting me to drop the body and go after me. Instead, it simply walked away, carrying its bloody prize with it, and steadily retreated into the darkness.
I then lay down in agonizing exhaustion on my back, thinking of the next step of action like I'm on a suicide mission I would never come back from. I looked in the direction of the graveyard and had one thought. I guess I am dying. a graveyard will do. I struggled to stand up, noticing my blood-soaked clothes and felt a broken left leg. I grasped my wound, limping step by step and enduring the sharp pain while shaking in the cold. Every step I took, I remembered all the memories, good or bad, that I had with my parents. My brother. My friends. My family. I eventually reached the cemetery and slouched at a tree.
“Guess I’m joining you, guys”, I said, speaking to the snow-covered gravestones, only to hear something. A familiar sound of chirping emerged and, lit by the blaze, it was a sight I can hope for. “Joe, what are you doing here”, I depressingly cheered as Joe went to me and curled up in my lap as if he were a cat. I noticed the new-found scar he had on his little snout, but I paid no mind as I petted him. “I guess you came back. Thank you so much for what you did”, I thanked him, not expecting such a loyal creature would be with me, comforting me, to the end, like what my mother used to do when I was a newborn. I heard another noise, this time a deep rumble.
I thought it was another earthquake coming, but it got louder the closer it got to me, becoming more animalistic only felt small vibrations I barely felt. Joe stayed put, oddly enough, as T. Rex, different from the first one, came. It walked towards us until it stopped short of us. It began to produce a low-pitched, bird-like purring, attracting Joe. I realised something, that this T. Rex is Joe’s parent. He joined the rest like him, whom they showed up and all chirped around.
The grown Rex then brought its snout closer to me, not to kill me, but to look at me. It did not reveal its teeth and was still purring. I put my hand out and its nose came close to it. It rubbed it against my hand and started to pet its cold, scaly skin as it breathed through its nose and put it on my chest. I rested my head on it before it pulled away. It gave out a hiss, but I knew it wasn’t that of a threat, but more of a thank you for bringing its small, sometimes immature, child home.
That gave me relief, as it felt like I at least did something for once. They walked away, along with Joe, towards the darkness amongst the gravestones in the cemetery. I glimpsed one last desperate look at Joe before walking beside his parent. I looked up at the sky and I could see all the stars, twinkling, and the dancing green auroras. I began to feel limp and felt the cold embrace of death coming over me, tears pouring out of my eyes. The sky then grew brighter and brighter, the stars faded into the light and I could see my family welcoming me to a new home. It then slowly went black, darker than a cave.
You would think this is the end of me. It wasn’t, or else I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I eventually woke up in a hospital in Regina. I was told I was rescued by a team that transported me while I was in a coma. The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive, as the shrapnel narrowly avoided my vital organs. After that, I was adopted into a new family, but I was only with them for a couple of years before finding a new job and moving out.
As for Sam, I don’t know what happened to her. I would like to think she is safe, somewhere else. As for my family, I think of them all the time. I was in a depressive period right after that. Eventually, over the years, I accepted that they were gone and went to a better place. For Joe, I would like to think he is all grown up, like his parents, and becoming the king of the jungle. I hope we meet again.
As for the evacuated area, it wasn’t some pipeline rupture that caused an evaluation, but an anomaly, with the exact reason not known. There are excuses for the claims of weird stuff going on in there, from disease to chemicals, to eventually a previously unknown geological event, but I saw through it all.
You may ask how, it's because I've been there. Take it or leave it, this is the story I have. As the decade came by, cover-ups were made to hide it, even walls were put around it. Since the incident, the exclusion zone grew from a mere 80 kilometers in diameter to 460 kilometers in diameter, emptying entire cities of the likes of Regina and Saskatoon. I had to move to North Battleford, by the recommendation from the same government covering it up, making me think that time will tell before the floodgates of truth open.
The anomaly didn’t have a name initially, however, over the years, everyone agreed on one name in particular: The Saskatchewan Anomaly.

• just ranting * I was born and raised here. I was born into poverty, but became one of the first in my family to even graduate high school, and then enrolled in college, but didn't finish. These days, I work full time, make around $30/hr and the fact that I can't find a place to live HERE is absolutely infuriating.

What was the point of working hard to make a better life for myself and my kids? I feel like if I would've followed in my families footsteps and started using and selling dope, maybe got on welfare, I would at least have some housing help, food stamps, etc... That's not the life I wanted for myself or my kids, but here we are, homeless nonetheless.
I'm just feeling salty and hopeless. I know something will work out, but I'm so angry. Thankfully I have a good job, so I can maybe save up a few checks to get in a place, and I have some friends and family we can couch surf with for a while, but I'm finding it hard to stay positive. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

I'm interested in starting intermittent fasting and I use MyNetDiary to help me track calories, but I'm struggling to create a routine meal plan of 2 or 3 different meals that I can eat nearly everyday throughout the week and still balance my nutritional intake and keep my calories at 1100 or less, preferably 1000. I do not have much time to myself to cook and prepare food, so I want to have 2 to 3 balanced go to meals and meet nutritional needs. I was hoping someone here might be able to help me since I'm struggling with the numbers and balancing it....Also, any other advice is appreciated for starting intermittent fasting too. Thank you.

Hey there! I just wanted to weigh in with my personal experience taking wellbutrin for 2 years to manage depression, for anyone else out there who may find this helpful.
Before going into details, I want to emphasize that for managing my depression, wellbutrin was absolutely incredible and saved me from a really dark and heavy period in my life. Further, while stomach issues with wellbutrin are not uncommon, I believe my reaction was likely exceptionally severe (so I don't want to fearmonger).
The Good:
Wellbutrin was a huge help for me. I was on 150 mg for ~5 months and then 300 mg for ~20 months. It helped my depression a lot (though not my anxiety). I noticed on 150 mg my mood was quite unpredictable in a way that was really uncomfortable for me, but going up to 300 mg leveled things out.
The Ugly:
How it Started
While I was on wellbutrin, especially after going up to 300 mg, I slowly started to develop stomach issues. I had struggled with IBS-like symptoms on-and-off for a long time, but after about 3 months on wellbutrin it started to get much worse, and within 1 year of being on 300 mg it became horrifically unmanageable.
Stomach Pain & Diet
I lost over 10 pounds within a month last summer and, for context, I am already someone who has been "underweight" my whole life. I lost the weight really rapidly, none of my clothes fit, and I had no energy. I would take my wellbutrin in the morning (as is generally advised) and by around 2 pm would start to feel really bloated, and it would just get worse and worse until the evening, to the point where I could never eat dinner, or even leave the house much, and would just sit on the couch with a hot water bottle. At one point the pain was so bad a family physician sent me to the ER thinking I had appendicitis! I had multiple ultrasounds that came back clear.
I became gluten intolerant (not even a bite of bread was okay) and developed a pretty severe intolerance to soy (even small trace amounts of soy lecithin in things like granola bars and chocolate would take me out for an entire day)
Ultimately, doctors classified it just as IBS and put me on the low-FODMAP diet. It certainly helped, and it helped me identify my 'trigger' foods, but with being vegetarian, on low-FODMAP, and unable to eat soy, my diet felt impossibly restrictive. But, I felt better and stuck to it.
Eventually, the low-FODMAP diet stopped working, and this past January I had another flareup. This time was even worse. No foods were safe foods, and I was constantly in pain and bloated (to the point of looking 6 months pregnant on a regular basis). Eating became something I feared, but not eating would trigger stomach pain as well. I couldn't eat so much as a salad without taking multiple IB-Guard capsules beforehand and ginger gravol after, and even then it was painful.
Menstrual Cycle
While my stomach issues were constant, they definitely became significantly worse around my period and around mid-cycle (ovulation) for about a week at a time (so 2 out of 4 weeks, rip), and it was debilitating. For 2 days before my period and around ovulation, it felt like I had the flu. I couldn't eat, I would have the chills, throw up, be nauseous, and virtually unable to eat. This lead doctors to think I may have severe endometriosis, despite the absence of period cramps or heavy bleeding (which is possible, but unlikely).
Figuring It Out
I went to yet another doctor and she sent me for some tests, but I live in Montreal, Canada, where the wait times for those specific tests were ~8 months each, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. So, I decided to do an experiment on myself. Keep in mind that because the stomach problems evolved slowly while I took wellbutrin, I never realized it could be what was causing my issues-and for some reason no doctor suggested that either.
I realized that I took my medications in the morning, and by lunch I would start to feel unwell. So I did a trial where one day I didn't take the other prescription medication I take (sprionolactone for hormonal acne)-no difference. The next day, I didn't take my wellbutrin. I had the best day I had had in well over a year. No stomach pain whatsoever. I thought it could be a fluke, so I skipped a second day. No pain. Day 3, I took half my usual dose (150 mg)-horrible pain. So, I did what doctors would definitely not recommend and went off it cold turkey. Stomach problems=gone. It was incredible, and I felt like I had my life back.
Today
Today I feel amazing. I have virtually no stomach problems at all, and I have started to re-introduce foods that I could not tolerate a small bite of before. My gluten and soy intolerances completely disappeared, which was shocking. Last week I had pasta for the first time, today I had tofu for the first time again. Having a restrictive diet was not super bothersome to me after I got used to it, and I know many people live their whole lives with eating restrictions like that. But it is nice to be able to expand my diet again (especially as a vegetarian, being able to eat things like tofu and seitan is sooo helpful). I don't feel horrible around my period at all. I feel like I have my life back-I can go out with friends at night and just enjoy myself and not be in pain, not have to take 3 different supplements to eat a meal, can eat whatever I want on occasional restaurant outings, etc. My stomach problems felt like they took up 90% of my thoughts and energy, and now I have that all back to put towards myself and the people I care about <3
Important: Now, for the first few weeks wellbutrin withdrawal was kind of no big deal. I was definitely tired, but it was manageable and went away after a short while. HOWEVER, a month after I had a full nervous breakdown that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was inconsolable for 4 days, and eventually went to the ER, and ended up taking Ativan to get through the couple days that followed. However, I was put on Lexapro (just 5 mg) and have been 100% fine and thriving since, and my anxiety is way better than it ever was on wellbutrin. I should also note that I left a very, very difficult relationship during this time, and it went quite horribly, and so while I would be amiss to not say quitting wellbutirn cold turkey didn't contribute to this "breakdown", I think context is really important.
I should also note that I have a history of having a hard time with prescription medications (so before anyone else says it first, myself or a doctor probably should have guessed wellbutrin was the culprit long before the 2 years). In any case... I had to stop taking Zoloft a few years back because it made me horribly nauseous and bloated, and the same was true for oral contraceptives (I tried 5 different ones over 4 years and all caused horrible nausea)-I now have a copper IUD.
TLDR: Wellbutrin help my anxiety but caused horrific stomach problems (severe and painful bloating, constipation, stomach cramping, nausea) and lead me to develop intense food intolerances (to gluten and soy) and made a strict low-FODMAP diet the only way to keep myself going. Stopping wellbutrin cured my stomach issues within a month, but quitting cold turkey lead to an intense emotional break.
Sorry this was so long, but I hope it helps someone

A Silence Abroad
It was on my first night in Japan that I forgot I was alone. Tokyo’s Shinjuku district greeted me with bright neon lights illuminating flocks of tourists walking shops, arcades, and food stands. And somehow, I was a very small part of it, all by myself on the other side of the world. (Maybe with the occasional tout trying to follow me around.)
Solitude is a vulnerable state, and consequently, a compromise. You seize the moment for yourself, and the space is only yours to fill, but intrusive thoughts will covertly slip through and permeate like a disease. Underneath all the lights, humanity surrounded me, enjoying a drink with friends or snapshotting a moment with family. All these people congregated here from around the world, and in spite of their differences, companionship was what they all shared together. The streets filled with the sounds of their life.
But when you feel alone, the mind tricks you into believing that you are not part of it. And you become a silent spectator, watching the phenomenon that is humanity being orchestrated in front of you. It’s a hollow feeling.
And after not speaking and hearing the sound of your own voice for a while, it becomes replaced by a solemn tone whispering empty thoughts. I tried not to listen.
Nevertheless, Tokyo was beautiful (Senso-ji temple was stunning and my favorite Japanese dessert is now age manju). One night, I even went to a Japanese hip-hop show in Shibuya and it was a wonderful experience. Getting to watch such extremely talented artists so passionate about their craft inspired me and pulled me away from ruminating loneliness for some time. I met one of the performing artists after the show and told him how much I loved his verse (despite not understanding it) and we hugged and he cried. He thanked me over and over until he started apologizing for thanking me so much. It was a special moment and I will always remember his humility. (His band is KOMOREBI - check them out!).
I also went out with some other travelers that night, trying okonomiyaki in Setagaya for the first time (it was mouthful bliss) and then went out to a punk rock concert, and a night club. I wasn’t a huge fan of the clubbing, but the company was refreshing. And like all good things, it was fleeting, and I bid my farewell to everyone that night.
I packed my things, and took a bullet train to my next stop, Kyoto. I was anticipating it, as the train zoomed south with Mount Fuji in surreal, passing view. Looking out the window, seeing my own transparent reflection, I took a breath. The train was moving at around 300 km/hour, but everything felt still and quiet. Even the parts of me that wanted to cry.
Kyoto was rich with temples and vestiges of a long, cherished history. I visited the Kyoto National Museum where I saw sculptured deities with venerable auras, parables scripted in decayed scrolls, and art that embodied Buddhist principles. I saw elevated temples monumental and grand, and others more modest and reserved. But they all stood resolutely, bearing the resilience of time and constant revival. They have felt nature’s desecration during arson and natural disasters, but throughout history, the Japanese have rebuilt and renovated them. And somehow, after enduring all this, as long as time has persisted, here they stood before me, as a testament to strength and preservation.
The long-lasting principles of Buddhism and the culture that were so deeply rooted in this country’s history must continue to live on through the structures that stood before me. Purpose is enough to withstand the cruelty of time’s passage. And the cycle of destruction and restoration that traced centuries was felt in the emanating silence only occupied by the sounds of water trickling down a rill or the occasional soft, swaying of trees. I like to think that ancient silence had touched my existence in those moments and advised me to listen.
Solitude is painful because the empty space that comes with it is congregated by the deeper parts of ourselves that seek to dwell on the purpose of our existence. It is when we are alone and quiet that obtrusive questions confront us, invoking us to listen and contemplate. And when we fail to answer gracefully, that is when the loudest and most self-destructive parts of ourselves will answer for us. The parts that are so keen in stripping our humanity from us.
After my last day in Kyoto, I packed all my things once again, and went over to my final destination, Osaka. I had only one night there. And it was an abrupt return to bustling crowds in the metropolitan. Existential silences were replaced with the sounds of humanity again. But as I walked through Dotonbori on a Friday night eating lots of warm, delicious takoyaki and skewers of Kobe beef, that feeling still returned. I knew I was unwell. And trivialities started to begrudge me and I could tell that it was time. And there would be no escaping it.
I took a taxi back to my hotel and I laid in my bed earlier than expected that night. And everything finally spilled. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was finally listening and it hurt doing so.
This solo trip was supposed to help me escape my problems, but it didn’t. When I brought myself here, I brought everything, and that included problems I wish I could have left behind. And amidst my issues, I questioned myself and my place in the world, even my very reasons for existing during times I felt like I had nobody. And albeit having wonderful moments with people throughout my trip, even strangers who treated me with grace and hospitality, that feeling still lingered and it was revealing a deeper issue. An issue not with whether I was in Japan or back home. Or whether I had people around me or I was alone. It was a deeper issue with myself.
But the silence that comes after the storm is just as serene as the silence that precedes. The older I get, the more I begin to have a respect for emotions and their function. They must be felt and I don’t think they are there to harm or sabotage us, although it might seem like it. It is a need to be heard not by others, but by ourselves. Listening to our own cries for help is scary and uncomfortable, but the silence that follows is like an aged temple still standing after centuries of cyclical adversity. Like the calm flow of water down a rill. Like the soft swaying of trees.
My 10-day solo trip was coming to an end. It was coming time to go home. I spent my last day in Tokyo walking Yoyogi Park. The sky was a clear melancholy overhead scattered, naked trees around the park. I saw couples sitting together, friends circled on picnic blankets, and some reading a book by themselves. Humanity felt beautiful that day and I was grateful to be a part of it, one last time. I packed my things once more before taking my flight back home the next day.
I love Japan and I am grateful it carved a space for me to experience all that I did. This trip will forever hold a special place in my heart. But it was not an epiphany, as much as I wished it was. I did not return home as an entirely new person with newfound happiness or certainty. I returned with the same issues I left with, the same, flawed self that was proof of what it meant to be human this whole time. Only with new experiences. And I don’t think that will change.
My humanity lives in my constant struggle of self-preservation, as I continue to unravel and understand myself as I experience, feel, and change. And perhaps that is enough purpose for my own existence, to strive for those moments of silence, where I will continue to stand resolutely in my own imperfection, alone or not.

This is a long post. I'm sorry, I just don't really know who to talk to about this.
My husband and I got married 9 years ago when we were fairly young (24 years old) and had no money and no place to live. My parents are poor and we knew that any wedding we had would have to be really simple and inexpensive.
I've always wanted a big wedding with all my family and friends there, I wanted to wear a black tulle ball gown, I wanted a sit down dinner with everyone and lots of music and dancing. I made so many concessions for our wedding because of budget and time.
We had planned to get married in July on a day that is really important to us, but nothing was working out. So we ended up changing our date to May of the same year because it seemed like the only way things were going to work out which meant that a bunch of people who'd RSVP'd were unable to come. Most of my husband's family wasn't able to be there which was a huge bummer, and some of my out of town family wasn't able to get time off work or change travel plans.
At the time we were engaged I was sleeping on the floor of my mom's room in a two bedroom apartment that we shared with my two brothers and my dad. There was not enough space for all of us, and I wasn't making enough money to move out on my own. My husband and I both come from very religious families so moving in together before marriage was out of the question. We knew we'd get married eventually so we figured why not now. That way I could get out of the cramped apartment. (Plus there was a lot of stress with my dad, and I was on my way out of my religion which was causing more contention at home). Which is why we moved the date up rather than back.
My mom and my aunts basically DIY'd our whole reception which was AMAZING. We had a short and sweet ceremony on the beach near where we live, and had a short open-house type reception at a community center near by. There was no dinner, no dancing, and it was only a couple of hours long.
I need to preface the rest of this by saying I'm suuuper grateful for the wedding we had! Our families put so much work and effort to make sure we had a nice celebration that was affordable. We had a really fun time celebrating and taking photos during and after the event. I have really fond memories of the day and I love looking through our pictures of the day and remembering how exciting and fun it was.
Now I need to explain where I'm coming from.
Even though the community center worked great for the type of reception we did, it just didn't look that nice and I was pretty bummed out that that's all we could afford.
The food consisted of appetizers and cake. We never ate any food because we were running around saying hi to everyone and thanking them for driving the 1.5 hours to the coast to celebrate with us. The only cake I ate was the tiny slice we cut and then was shoved in my face. We had bought 3 cakes for everyone to eat and the smallest one which was 8" was sent home with us because everyone thought we wanted it for our 1st anniversary. It was a spice cake which cream cheese frosting that we ordered because some of our family really loves spice cake. So it never got communicated that we didnt want to take the whole cake home, but that we wanted our guests to eat it.
The dress was an issue. Like I mentioned before, I really wanted a black tulle ballgown. Everyone one in my family hated the idea and said I would regret wearing black when I saw my wedding photos. (And the photos were the only thing we splurged on so I didn't want to regret those). They also said a ball gown wouldn't make sense for the beach so I should go with something else. My mom and dad wanted me to be modest so I tried to find a dress with short sleeves that would be comfortable to wear in 80° weather on the beach. I was really loving the off the shoulder and sleeveless dresses and at the time they had more details I was looking for. I hated white, and I wanted to go for ivory instead as a compromise but I was told that a bride shouldn't wear anything other than pure white. So I felt super stuck, and ended up feeling super confused and frustrated. I bought a $200 dress online that was pure white, but had tulle cap sleeves. Which was also a house disappointment because I had always wanted to go try on dresses with my mom and grandma and best friend. But because of the timing of the wedding, it wasn't possible and there was nothing we could afford in stores. The dress I bought ended up being too big in the bust and too tight in the hips so we took it for alterations. Seamstress was able to alter the bust so it fit properly, but the hips didn't have enough seam allowance to be taken out at all. So on the day of the wedding I couldn't even sit or go to the bathroom. I will say the dress did look really beautiful and I love my pictures, but everytime I think about it I'm just frustrated that I allowed so much control over what I wore. I wasn't comfortable in the dress or how I looked because I hate wearing whitr and the previously mentioned sitting/bathroom issues.
I had originally wanted my makeup done professionally by a woman I worked weddings with, but when we had to move our date up she had another wedding already booked. So instead I did some lessons with her and did my own makeup the day of.
My family knew about all of the concessions we were making for the wedding and everyone said that in the future we should do a re-do and throw the wedding we wanted originally.
So we planned to do this for our 10 year anniversary which will be next year.
Now, we're in the midst of planning. We've seen so many venues, I've gotten so many quotes for services, and everything is so expensive that my husband is scared off of doing the big wedding I wanted. We've had to cut our guest list, and we're back on track to DIYing a bunch of stuff. The other day we were talking and I felt the way I did when we were getting married originally. Like I'm making all of these concessions for other people and because of money. We've saved money for a while and if we threw the wedding we want, we'd blow through our savings. I'm just feeling frustrated and I don't want to wait another 5 or 10 years to do this. Prices will still be going up and I'm thinking we'll just never be in a place to afford the wedding I had envisioned.
I really wanted this re-do to be a celebration of our relationship as well as a thank you to our friends and family for the support and all the work they did for our wedding. I don't want to ask them for help because I just want them to enjoy the event and not stress. But I'm also feeling conflicted because I want to enjoy the event with my husband rather than running around to make sure things run smoothly. We can't afford a wedding coordinator, DJ, or catering staff, we'll be doing a lot of the work ourselves.
It's looking like we're back to engaged and cutting our guest list as well as DIYing decor and probably running the whole event.
My husband doesn't want to spend $10,000 on the event anymore which is what we had discussed and agreed on. But he also hasn't come up with a new budget and everytime I suggest a number he says no, or says nothing. So I feel stuck. I don't even know where to start looking for a venue. I don't think this is going to happen anymore and I'm feeling really upset. I feel stupid that I care so much about this dumb party, and I feel like an ungrateful brat even though my family hasn't said anything about it and they support the re-do.
I guess I'm just looking for comfort, or perspective. Do I need to reevaluate my feelings on this? Should I just let it go and put the money toward something else like investing or something? I have no idea..