Not extremely long relationship. She told me after a long talk (around 3hours ) that she wants to break up. She tryed to accuse me of things to make it easier for her , she wanted to end it with "hate" but I managed to calm her a bit and made her speak her mind normally . We politely talked and both of us ended the communication in a mature way. I asked her if this means : " no more sending pics,no more sending videos,no more texts from now on, right ? " She said "yes, cause that way it will be best for both of us " . I said "Okey, than that's how it will be. One more thing . If there is a very severy problem and you don't have anyone to talk to , don't hesitate , call me . " She knew I felt kinda hurt, that I loved her a lot and I will not be probably able to sleep that night and before the last goodbyes , she asked me for a picture to see me and she also sent one. I have sent a picture of my sad face and she sent a picture of her eyes being kinda red and puffy (probably she cryed before sending it or just wanted to make me think she did) .
Fast forward less than 48 hours. I was outside with my friends . Walking and talking ,trying to think about anything else than what happened less than 48 hours before. SMS pops up on my phone. (We never talked via SMS Messages - Using different apps to talk ) .
Message : "What is up with you? 🥺 You don't give any signs of life" (translated from another language)
This happened yesterday. I did not replied.
If we said that we will not talk,not send messages and not send pics then why now after less than 2 days this message popped up ?

I naturally fell into babysitting around the age of 14. Through friends and family, I got leads for babysitting to score some cash, which definitely beat having to work at a restaurant. The job had its ups and downs, but overall it wasn’t a bad gig at all.
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...

Hiii everyone..I was diagnosed in November with CIS - we found lesions on my brain and a questionable one on my spine. Radiologist decided it was ultimately an artifact.
My last Brain MRI in March of this year was stable. I am not on a DMT but am planning to get on one.
however, just over a month or so, I’ve had numbness in my left hand. I didn’t know my hand went numb until I was in the shower and it felt like I hit my funny bone and had a tingling sensation in my left fingers. I chalked it up to carpal tunnel or ulnar entrapment. I wear two wrist braces at night to help with the wrist fatigue. That has brought some sensation back into my hand. But I do still feel tingling and almost hard fingertips when I overexert my left hand – be working out, taking a shower and washing my hair.
Could this be an MS symptom? I’m really not sure where I should go from here. Should I go get tested for carpal tunnel with my neurologist? I don’t wanna go down a rabbit hole and I’m hoping it just goes away on its own but it’s been like this for more than a month.

I'm tired of existing into my own mind, I wish I could be one of those people who are happy and positive even in the hardest circumstances...
1) I feel very sad and empty when I'm physically alone and sometimes after good activities that made me happy ends
2) I feel very angry at my house being horrible, dirty, and being so hard to live in, it's 5x times harder to do any normal activity in my house
3) I sometimes get very angry and negative at everything that cross in front of me for no reason, I feel a lot of anger and sometimes regret the stupid things I do when I'm like that
4) Sometimes I get paralysis by Analysis in the worst way possible, I get freezed for hours trying to make very simple choices because 2 reasons 1) I analyze all the possible choices, pros and cons and possibe outcomes before choosing or 2) I know it requires a lot o enegery to make that choice so I postpone it for forever
5) When I'm happy, active and with energy (rare thing) I'm a monster and want to eat the whole world, just a week ago came home after traveling alone out of nowhere to 2 different countries one after the other (1 day back home and left) after like 4 years of believing I wasn't capable of doing shit like that on my own
6) I feel like the only exciting thing left for me is traveling as many stuff that used to get me excited doesn't do the job anymore, well, just sometimes when I'm in the mood
7) Sometimes I'm so desperate of my house being trashy, dirty, without any order , or desperate at life feeling going so quick for the paralysis by Analysis that I feel life is too much for me (if you know what I mean)
8) there's whole days I won't get out of my room to eat or anything being in my phone just avoiding problems in my house
9) there's days that I don't get to do anything productive in the daytime and I feel so guilty about it and when my energy get boosted at night for no reason I can do thousand of things from my to do list making me getting to bed at 4 am or later
10) I'm becoming crazy, I can feel it, but I still has some light of mind from time to time that shows me there should be a way to fix this and I try hard to prioritize that ( but
11) I don't know how to prioritize shit everything looks so urgent)
12) in a burst of angry/anxiety I broke my hand hitting at my gaming chair which is stupid because I thought it was going to be soft (is this self harm?)
13) When I'm in my worst mood I think into dying, or that I'm so freaking overwhelmed by life choices resoonsabilities I'm not capable of solving any soon that I should just leave the world, and I don't think it because I'm sad or empty or not loved but because I'm freaking tired of my mind and life being problem after problem after problem
Hellllpppp

Found that person I’ve been dating for last one year is married already. If I hire a PI, can they do following? - take pictures of us in public clubbing/dancing, holding hands or PDA - send these to the spouse of my date - text/call their spouse anonymously to tell them room number and hotel we’re spending the night in
Any legal restrictions which prevent a PI from doing above?

I naturally fell into babysitting around the age of 14. Through friends and family, I got leads for babysitting to score some cash, which definitely beat having to work at a restaurant. The job had its ups and downs, but overall it wasn’t a bad gig at all.
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...

So for context we met in high school and ended up dating my senior year. I moved across the country to go to college with him, we dated for almost a year but broke up because he was a porn addict also going on tinder and other dating apps while I was sleeping at our apartment messaging girls disgusting things. The night I found out we were both drunk and got in a huge fight. I was 17 and the time and he grabbed my phone out of my hands and locked himself into the bathroom. As a drunk younger teenager, I wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it and I was so upset I broke down the door and got it back. His family found out and he blamed everything on me so he wouldn’t get in trouble. A couple years later I moved back across the country for him and school and we got back together when he started living in my apartment. The same problem happened again where he would be messaging other girls trying to cheat. Eventually things got better and he’d take me out to dinners, invite me to hangout with his friends, have me over at his place for most days out of the week. The issue is he NEVER wants me around his family. Doesn’t invite me on trips, won’t mention me to them, even told me the wrong date for his graduation just so they wouldn’t see me. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but continues to hide me from his family. When he’s drunk he gets really drunk and messages girls from high school specifically one he had a crush on but never dated “i really miss you” and calls her. Then when I get upset he tells me to just leave and says awful things to me that make me feel worthless and like i’ve wasted years of my life. When he sobers up he apologizes and says he didn’t mean any of it he was just hammered and is really nice to me the day after. It exhausts me always having to be vigilant to make sure he’s not cheating, I’m constantly stressed out and sad in the back of my mind. He is my best friend and I love him to death which is why I want to make it work. When it’s good it’s really good and when it’s bad it kills me. I don’t know how to get through to him so he realizes I’m not trying to start fights I just want to have a normal relationship where I’m included in family events and not cheated on

ever since a long ass road trip to nova scotia, ive hated staying in trailers. theyre so small and uncomfortable and i dont feel safe in them... but now, my parents want me to go to our ""new"" (quotations on new because its a pre-owned one, and its fucking disgusting) for 4 days. ive been up there once before to help with demo work because i thought "why tf not? i like breaking shit." but i very quickly realized that its really grimy and gross up there. even the air felt unclean to me. we have a little tent trailer to sleep in and such, my parents even said i could stay in there the entire time, but to be honest, not having solid walls makes me feel more unsafe. plus i either have to sleep on the folding table to bed thing, or split one of the bigger beds with my older sister. not a big fan of either of those options. i like my sister and we get along well, im just really intimidated by her. i feel like shes always silently judging me even though shes probably not. plus, id probably cry the whole time im there, and i dont want her to have to hear that. also, i have autism, and its a new place and my usual routine will get messed up, and ive been in a horrible headspace the past few weeks, so itd impact me even *worse*. and cant forget to mention my ocd, so i will be too afraid to touch anything :) yay.
my other option is to stay home, but the problem is that id be completely home alone. other times my parents have gone up to the trailer my sister has stayed behind with me, but this time shes for sure going. for several reasons this is a problem. 1. i cant cook for myself. 2. if the cat makes a mess i will not be able to clean it. 3. i will forget to have lunch. 4. fear, anxiety, paranoia, etc... just feeling unsafe with no one else home. im assuming its an autism thing, but when my parents are far away from home for the night i have a hard time. ive been getting better at managing it but i know for a fact i wont be able to take it when theres absolutely NO ONE. and 5. i just need comfort. someone there for me.
i talked about this with my partner and my other friend. my partner, who i will call j so that this is easier (and my other friend will be a), offered to come over and stay the night. my parents have finally let us have sleepovers so this will be the first one iiiiin like 2 years. a even said that maybe she could come over too and we could all hang out. but then j tells me they could probably only stay one night. keep in mind, its *4 nights*. they said a few weeks prior to this that they will be home alone on saturday and sunday, and since my parents leave friday, i thought itd be no problem. their mom could drop them off after theyre done school right... then they also said though that theyd be going to their grandmas. i asked if theres a possibility that they could maybe change plans, because i really, *really* need them right now, but they said probably not. i asked again earlier and they said theyre seeing what they can do, but their mom said they might not even be able to come over at all. my other friend, a, said that she wouldnt be able to stay long either, shes going to see other friends until late saturday, so id still have to spend a night completely alone. and my other friends are always busy with their work.
it might seem like im making this more dire than it is, but really, it is a pretty dire situation for me. because of my mental health being fucking dogshit and the stress from all this, i have gotten back into an addiction and tried to end it already so if i had to go to the trailer id probably shutdown so badly i wouldnt be able to function, but if i had to stay home all by myself id be at risk of hurting myself. i dont know what to do anymore. i talked to my mom about how im not in the best headspace for this rn and she said "well idk its what we're doing". i just kind of feel like im fucked. anyways sorry for rambling. thanks for listening if you made it this far

I naturally fell into babysitting around the age of 14. Through friends and family, I got leads for babysitting to score some cash, which definitely beat having to work at a restaurant. The job had its ups and downs, but overall it wasn’t a bad gig at all.
Yet, as many good experiences as I had, they were all eclipsed by one night.
A new family in town talked to my dad at work and it turned out that they needed a babysitter. I happily took the job and found myself watching their 10-year old boy a couple of weeks later. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the family themselves. They were the model citizens of suburban America, complete with the white picket fence and blue shutters. Nothing about their house was strange or even unique. Their son Avery was very mild-mannered and polite. Even their car was basic. Not that these were bad things, but I expected it to be a very boring night.
What I did not expect was the uncomfortable, inexplicable feeling that I got when I set foot in the house. A chill ran through me, but there was no draft. I rubbed my arms as I gazed at their staircase as we passed. They gave me a brief tour of the house before they left a note of instructions and all the usual information I expected from a job.
While trying to figure out what was making me so uneasy about the place, I noticed something about their basement door when I passed it. A padlock was placed on the door, along with a deadbolt in place.
"Any questions?” The father asked as my mind was pulled out of my curiosity.
"No, sir. Everything looks great!”
So they left and Avery and I played some games before I made dinner. A couple of times, I thought I heard Avery call me into the den. Both times, I found him sitting on the couch in what most recognize as the TV-zombie state. He denied having called me, and I went back to making dinner. After the third time, I told Avery it wasn’t funny and that he should stop.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just watching TV!”
His voice went to that higher tone of pleading, sounding desperate for me to believe him.
“Avery, I know it’s my first time and sometimes you wanna test things out, but I’m trying to get dinner ready so if you call me again, I’m not checking on you, okay?”
“I didn't say anything.”
The child glared at the TV with a pouting face, and I began to feel bad. As many times as I’ve heard lies, I was starting to sense that he was telling the truth. So what was I hearing?
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad. Promise.”
Avery turned his head back towards me, seeming to test if I was the one fibbing now.
“How about I let you stay up a little later if we forget about it?”
“Do you really promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
With our contractual pinkies interlocked, spirits were raised again and I was able to finish dinner. Although I didn’t finish without hearing Avery’s voice calling me once more. I ignored it, and when Avery didn’t mention it at dinner I figured it was him fooling around again. The whole time we chatted as we ate, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not right about this house.
As hard as I tried to not look, my eyes kept diverting to the heavy padlock and chain on the basement door. Curiosity got the best of me and as we were cleaning up, I couldn’t help but ask.
“So Avery, what’s the deal with the basement door?”
“What do you mean?”
His words did not match his demeanor. It was obvious he didn’t make eye contact as he forced his sentence out.
“C’mon, you know what I mean. The padlock, chain, and deadbolt. Y’all have dangerous chemicals down there?”
Avery’s face grew paler and he stared at the wall for a moment.
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Dad said no one can talk about it anymore.”
This really threw me off, and I couldn’t possibly finish my sentence now. A thick veil of tension materialized between us.
“So you…you guys aren’t allowed to talk about it?”
Avery shook his head.
“Ah, okay. That’s cool. No big deal.”
It was nothing but a big deal.
Was their dad doing something illegal down there? Or was it something strange that no one could do anything about it? Maybe their dad was in denial about something going on. There were waaaaaay too many questions going through my head now.
“Hey, how about we put on a movie?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What am I saying? Everyone likes movies, right?!”
Now excited, we decided on a fun movie that quickly pulled our minds away from the mysterious basement door. Well, that’s not entirely true. Maybe Avery was distracted, but it was killing me. As we ate popcorn, I couldn’t help but watch Avery, wondering what was going on in that little head of his.
Was there something awful going on in the house and there was nothing I could do to stop it? Or maybe the dad was just…
“Stop,” I told myself inwardly.
Mulling over it all endlessly was not doing myself any favors.
So the movie ended, and I ushered the drifting child to his bed. Now, the house was all to myself until twelve, so I had a good three and a half hours to myself. Immediately, I began texting my friend to tell her all about the weird experience I was having that night. She dismissed it, saying that I was getting spooked by a new place. This annoyed me to no end. I’d been at bigger, way creepier-looking houses but never got weird vibes like this.
Then…I heard it.
“Stephanie…..”
I went instantly still and listened intently.
“You didn’t hear that, Steph. Just keep texting your friend and…”
“Stephanieeeee…”
There was no mistaking it this time. It was definitely coming from the basement.
The acoustics couldn’t have been from Avery upstairs. The voice sounded like a little girl’s. In fact, I’m not even sure he could make his voice like that, anyway.
Slowly, I stood up from the couch and approached the door. Maybe like earlier, I was just hearing things. Maybe being creeped out by the house was starting to mess with my head. That made sense…right?
“Stephanie?”
I jumped back from the door, almost wetting myself in the process. There was no way I could dismiss it as anything else now. There was a little girl’s voice coming from the basement.
“H-hello?” I responded.
I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking.
“Is this Stephanie?”
“Y-yes, it’s Stephanie.”
“Can you help me?”
“Who are you? Why are you locked in the basement?”
“My name is Meredith Rosenberg. They’re kept me locked up for a long time now. The police were almost on to them and that’s why they moved. Can you get me out?”
A cold shock washed over me and made it hard to respond. Was I actually babysitting for a family that kept a little girl prisoner?
“Oh my God…um….how long have you been locked up with them?”
“Ever since I can remember.”
I felt somehow hot and cold at the same time, and wanted to throw up. This all made sense now with what Avery had told me. Of course his father didn’t want him talking about the door…
“I just need to find the keys and I can…”
“They’re hidden in the garage underneath the metal shelf. It’s inside a magnetic key holder.”
“Okay, just hold tight.”
In a panic to free the poor girl, I darted into the garage and began feeling the space underneath the bottom shelf and sure enough, there was a magnetic key holder there. Running back, I popped the key holder open and began to insert the key into the padlock.
“Did you find it?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m almost there!”
“Oh, please hurry! Sometimes they come home early!”
This sent me into even more of a rush, and I barely managed to fumble the key into the padlock. I finally heard the successful click of the padlock, pulled the chain off, and slid the deadbolt to the right.
“I’m coming, Meredith. Hold on!”
I turned the doorknob and threw open the door, only to be met with darkness. Now full of adrenaline, my hands felt around for the light switch. Finally finding my purchase, I flicked the light on which lit up most of the stairs.
“Meredith?” I called out.
Unless I was remembering it wrong, it sounded like her voice was just on the other side of the door a minute ago. In fact, it was quite strange that she wasn’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs. Wouldn’t you immediately run out of a basement that you were locked in for God knows how long?
“I’m down here!” The little girl’s voice called out.
Judging from the distance, it sounded like she was calling from somewhere at the bottom of the stairs. My brain suddenly began piecing all the details of this interaction together and the idea of going down into the basement became absolutely terrifying.
“Meredith, you can come up now! The door’s open!”
I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice. Why I was scared of a little girl was beyond me, but much like the house itself, something felt very wrong here.
“I hurt my leg, owww! When you said you were getting the key, I went back down to get some of my things and got hurt. Ahhh….”
Her sounds of pain filled me with sorrow, but an invisible force was holding me back from taking another step into that basement.
“Can you move? Maybe pull yourself up on the railing?”
“I can’t! It hurts too bad!”
“Okay, sweetie umm…”
“What’s wrong? Won’t you help me?”
“I-I it’s just…really dark down there and…and I don’t want to get hurt too. Is there any way you can get to the stairs? Any way at all?”
“I tried to sit up, but my shoulder hurts too much.”
“I thought you said your leg got hurt?”
The words hung in the air like a noose. It was only after I said it that I realized there was several things seriously wrong about all of this. A question popped into my head I didn’t even have time to think about until now.
How did she know where the padlock key was?
A deathly silence took up the space between me and wherever this girl was. It was a standoff, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. There were questions I could ask her to figure out what was happening, but I felt that her answers weren’t going to be honest. Perhaps at this point, the truth was too frightful to know.
"Meredith? Are you still there?"
It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing my mind could conjure. The additional silence only unnerved me, so I decided to try and get a better look. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I clicked on the flashlight. It didn’t do me any good because of the awful range, so I did the one thing I’d already told myself not to do…
I took a step forward...
Maybe it was the angle of the stairs or the lighting, but that one step gave me more information than I ever wanted to know. I caught a better view of the bottom step, which was essentially a ledge into a black abyss. Something looked different on this step, but it took a second to register what it was.
The step was wet, a pool of some unknown liquid overflowing into the darkness of the basement. I knew for sure that the father hadn’t mentioned any flooding so it would be way too random for that. So I stood there, watching in frozen curiosity as the puddle then suddenly rippled…and I realized the abominable truth.
It wasn’t water.
It was a puddle of saliva…and something was drooling into it from the dark.
A wretched chuckle emanated from the horrid void beyond the step, and it cemented me even further into place. It was a wet chortle, and positively evil.
“How did you like my voices?” The thing said from the dark. “I’ve been practicing."
The epiphany creeped down my spine…it was now talking in Avery’s voice. Everything in my body screamed at me to run. I heard the screams but I couldn’t respond no matter how hard I tried.
"A pity though…almost got you."
At this, the most gruesome face peeled back the shadows and revealed itself, along with its unearthly mandibles and small fountain of saliva. My faculties finally came to and I threw myself into the house and kicked the door closed. In mere seconds, I had the door bolted and chained. Leaning against the door, my chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath.
Just as I felt I was safe, the door shuddered as a terrible blow rocked it. I screamed and ran upstairs to grab Avery.
I practically dragged the poor kid out the door and called the police. It wasn’t until the operator came on that I realized I was about to report a monster in the house. Thinking quickly, I told them that I heard a burglar in the home.
It wasn’t long before the police and Avery’s parents came home. Nothing was found, even in the basement, but I didn’t even care at that point. I just wanted the hell out of that house and away from whatever that….thing was. Avery’s parents kept glancing at me funny the whole time, probably because they knew I had their basement key. I shoved it into their hands before I hugged Avery and got into my car to drive home. That poor kid has to live in that house with that thing, but there was nothing I could do about it.
As long as I am alive, I will never….ever set foot in that house again.
And as for basements go, I can't go into them anymore. I just simply can't...

Hey all,
I know a lot of requests here are for rent or extreme illnesses and needs, so I totally get it if mine goes unnoticed, but here's my story.
I'm an exhausted teacher. I work with kiddos with severe behavior disorders and they can be very emotionally draining.
So...got an email today that my paycheck would be in tomorrow (we already knew there was a 1 day delay)....no biggie...the bank account is empty, but I have stuff for spaghetti in the fridge...
Came home tired and ready to cook dinner...sausage is expired...no problem...meatless is fine....drop noodles on the floor.
At this point I'd love to just be able to pick up a couple pizzas for my family and call it a night.
If anyone could help with $25 I'd be forever grateful and could even pay back tomorrow.
I can send proof of anything needed. Proof of check being deposited tomorrow, proof of note from student making threats to me, therefore making my day longer than necessary...proof of pizza purchase if funded.
Thanks for taking the time to read!
Paypal name is @emjackson87
TLDR: one thing after another keeps happening to this tired teacher and I'm just looking for a little help

I started feeling pain Saturday night. Worse on Sunday and worse on Monday. Monday night I got a anti-virals and today I started to see bumps. They are small like little red pimples—not too bad. The pain is worse on my scalp, but I have a few bumps on my forehead… And one on my eyebrow.
I was reading that shingles in the eye needs ti be treated as an emergency. I don’t have any eye pain. I had some mild dryness and pressure behind it, almost like a sinus infection, but that’s mostly gone now. But the guides so I read online say to treat eyes and ear like an emergency situation.
Is the rash creeping toward my eye the emergency? If not, where is my red line? Can you give me a redline for going to the ER and a redline for calling the ophthalmologist?
Also, should I take prednisone? The doctor said it was up to me, but I wasn’t sure if this would stop my body from fighting the infection.
6 feet, white Latino, male, 195 pounds, no meds, otherwise healthy

Honestly, my biggest pet peeve isn't the impossible teachers, copious amounts of homework, or the insane class assignments, it's the bathrooms, specifically the people who use them. There will be these judgemental ass girls in there taking up all the space, blocking the stalls, and putting their backpacks in the sink. And they eye you down like your in their way. Like my bad I'm using the restroom to use the restroom. And it always smells horrendous. Like absolutely FOUL. It's always because someone doesn't know how to flush a toilet. It's like, we learned this before we even started school. I don't want to smell what you had for dinner last night. And nobody ever wants to flush it. Like all the stalls will be full, there will be people in line, and there will be one stall open with someone's shit still left in the toilet. I feel bad for these janitors man😭😭😭

My LO is almost 7 weeks old. At 3.5 weeks norovirus hit our home. Our babe had a 101.5 fever and we rushed to the hospital. I was also actively sick at the time but we only admitted her. I threw up in the hospital twice, once at home beforehand, I was miserable but she came first. Then we were transferred to the bigger hospital 45 minutes away because they found bacteria in her blood. It was protocol to look and I thank my lucky stars they did, because she ended up having bacterial sepsis.
Thank the good lord above our daughter fought off the bacteria very quickly and we were there that long just to finish the course of meds. We still need to do one more blood test for a specific immunodeficiency disorder, but otherwise all her other blood work (other disorders, platelets, white blood cell count, liver, kidney) all look normal.
We ended up spending 2 weeks at this hospital that was 45 minutes away from home. I couldn’t just pop home when needed, I felt like a prisoner. I was freshly postpartum sleeping on a hospital chaibed and the baby could never nap properly because of all the commotion at the hospital. Our only saving Grace were the nurses. There were a few that genuinely cared about our well being and I am so grateful to them.
We’ve been home for a week tomorrow, and I’m still not ok. Most days I feel fine, but then there are days like today where she wouldn’t take a nap (away from me at least, she slept on top of me fine lol) until 4:45 in the afternoon. And I become a basket case of anxiety. My body still aches, apparently my tiny little surface level tear hasn’t healed, I’m having weird urethra pain that “she couldn’t see” so it must not be there, and I’m tired.
Sure I’m getting 4-5 hours and my daughter sleeps through the night now (5-6 hour stretches) but I’m still so damn tired. I’ve always been the type of person that needed 8-9 hours a night. I’m also an extremely routined and tidied person. If I’m off my routine and my house is messy I am a ball of anxiety. And with a newborn…y’all know how that goes. Luckily I’m still able to keep the house somewhat tidy, I clean when she naps. And I’m trying to relax while my husband is home and taking care of our baby, but it’s so hard to not be “on mom mode” and just chill.
Not to mention I now know newborns who get sepsis run the risk of cognitive delays and a risk of dying in the next 5 years, I’m fucking terrified.
So yah, that is my extremely long anxiety induced essay that I realllyyyy needed to type out. Thanks for reading.

I feel so in disbelief I almost feel delusional because I don’t want to believe it. It’s very hard for me to accept right now I’m thinking long-term because I am 24. I have one child and I hope to marry and grow my family and as I have been sexually active and actively dating, I want to find my future partner settle down and eventually grow my family and have a husband and I just feel like how’s it going to be on my wedding night and how am I going to find a partner with this disease I feel like my love life dating life, sex life everything is over I feel like my life is ruined. I feel disgusted I don’t ever want to give this to my future children through vaginal birth I’m so uneducated on this is it possible to have a positive swab and negative blood work because the lesions/sores I had look like canker sores when I went to the emergency room they even told me they didn’t look like herpes. They said it look like it syphilis, and all my symptoms were not herpes symptoms. I want to get retested and do bloodwork. Has anyone ever had a swab and it be positive when blood work was negative?

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
I really need 8 hours of sleep. Maybe not literally every night but at least most of the time. And preferably these 8 hours shouldn't be from 4:00 to 12:00, especially if I actually want to study and work properly.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

Anyone else born in the 90s going through one hell of a dark night? I know my soul family is out there and we’re probably scattered across the globe, and I know we’ll find each other when the time is right. I hope anyone who resonates with this takes the time to love themselves unconditionally, even if only for a few moments. We’re here and we’re waiting for you Sending infinite love 💛🤍

Tired of getting kicked/banned? Come check out and favorite the new HC server if you’re done with Badmin Bullshit! Got together with a group of people and decided to add to the hardcore servers for XBOX only! Mainly running conquests best maps, but we’ll be doing a Friday Night Rush as well between 6-9PM EST! There’s no bullshit rules with the exception of: No teamkilling. Don’t camp a vehicle in spawn. Leave one flag for the enemy team to avoid base raping (Doesn’t matter where this flag is on the map) We’ll be taking suggestions for game modes as well as map rotations! “We’re here to make friends, not compete!”

In case you don't know, the Sun Princess is Princess Cruises' latest behemoth ship, carrying around 3,000 guests and 1,000 crew at full capacity. I just got back from a 2-week sailing and took meticulous notes on this epic new vessel. Here's my extremely detailed, no-BS review:

The Sheer Size is Nuts

When I say this ship is massive, I mean it's absolutely nuts how big this floating city is. Especially when you get off in ports and have to walk back down the dock to reboard - that's when the sheer scale of the Sun Princess really hits you. Even though it carries a ton of people, the only time it really felt crowded was during breakfast. The Eatery fills up quick and the International Cafe, which sits outside The Eatery doesn't lend itself well for crowds of people wiaint for their coffees. You kind of end up waiting in the middle of where the walking traffic moves.

The Medallion Life

Your entire cruise experience revolves around the new Medallion wearable device and app, for better or worse. I'll admit it has some creepy "Big Brother" vibes with how much it tracks your every movement and purchase. But the convenience it provides is undeniable.
The medallion is your modern day "cruise card" that you tap everywhere to make payments, order drinks, unlock your stateroom, get on/off the ship, and more. But what's crazy is the app can use the medallion to detect your location anywhere on board. Order a drink or meal through the app and the server will manage to find you anywhere on the ship to deliver it, usually within 15 minutes. Caveat: there were times when it took longer and other times when our order was marked "delivered" and it never arrived.
The medallion definitely feels like getting on/off the ship is way faster. The only time we ever waiting in line was for the few minutes it took people to run through security.
This made getting food/drinks almost too easy. On port days when we needed to get off the ship early for excursions, setting up a scheduled delivery of my Egg McMuffin, fruit plate in coffee was really convenient.
Fair warning though - if you're anti-tracking and value privacy over convenience, the ubiquitous Medallion system may not be for you.
Story: we were sitting by the Crooners bar having our nightly pre-dinner cocktail. The bar was packed on this night for some reason. A staff member in a suit started wandering the room, made eye contact with me from 40-feet away and then made a b-line for us. He wanted to sign us up for a wine/food pairing event they were having. I have to believe this is because of the tracking being done via the meddalion. They could see we drink our share of wine. It definitely felt like targeted marketing.

Premium Package Was Best for Us

We opted for the Premium beverage package at $80 per day and I'm glad we did for a few reasons:

1. If you need to have more than one device connected to the internet at a time, Premium makes sense just based on that (you can have four devices). The cheaper Plus package only allows one device, which was a non-starter for me needing both my phone and laptop to be online. I'm unfortunately not able to just live off the grid for almost three weeks and need to periodically check in with my clients.
2. The wine selection is way better with Premium vs Plus. As a wine drinker, the upgrade was 100% worth it.
3. Two free speciality dining meals are included, which was clutch on our 2-week cruise to break up the repetition of the main dining rotation.
4. Unlimited premium desserts and ice creams - a nice perk for those with a sweet tooth.

Basically, Premium removed almost any need to think about or worry over costs on board. For $80 per day, the premium drinks, speciality dining, better wines, desserts and internet made it an easy choice for our group's needs.
And for those wondering about the 15 drink per day limit (since there's almost a weekly post asking about it) - it was never an issue for me. I'm a scrotch drinker and to get a decent pour, you basically have to order a double. Even drinking doubles, I never got to 15 drinks/day. This even includes sea days where we'd typically have a mimosa or two with breakfast, a few cocktails/beers at the pool, an cocktail or two before dinner and then wine at dinner.

Staff & Service

I can't say enough about how incredible and friendly the service was across the board on the Sun Princess. Our room steward, waiters, bartenders - everyone went so above and beyond daily, it really elevated the experience. I'm always amazed how they remember everyone's names.
However, we did notice a clear slip in the quality of service in the second week compared to the first, likely due to a crew changeover partway through our sailing. Simple things like forgetting drink orders or getting meals wrong became more frequent from our new set of MDR servers.

Suites & Staterooms

We originally booked a balcony room. When the bid offer came in I followed some old advice and just placed bids on upgrades because "you don't have to take the offer if you don't like it." Well guess what, that's not the case anymore. My offer was accepted and we automatically became the proud recipients of a Reserve Mini-Suite for an additional $500. In hindsight, I'm glad it worked out. The room has noticably more space than a standard balcony room. These mini-suites are spacious, basically a separate living room and bedroom divided by a curtain you can close off. Having two TVs and an extra closet was great.
As mini-suite guests we also received a nice amenity of free premium wines in our room - on the second week they even topped us up with two more complementary bottles! I guess each week is looked at as a new sailing -- so you get two more bottles! Some older posts complained about the wine quality. It looks like it's been upgraded because we received a Pinot Noir and Chard from La Crema. Being California wine people, La Crema works great for us. If you can swing it, I'd highly recommend going for a mini-suite over a regular balcony.
That being said, I'd avoid the "Cabana" balcony suites. The layout is really bizarre and in my opinion a downgrade. When you walk out onto your balcony, it's not really a balcony. There's another area in front of your balcony that connects a few other cabana suites. The idea is that a few rooms share a private balcony with jacuzzi. However, it also means that walking out onto your balcony doesn't give you a private ocean view because there's this 20-30 feet of additional patio in front of you and everyone above you just looks down into your balcony area.

Dining Highs & Lows

Main Dining Rooms

It can be confusing because there are three floors (Decks 6, 7 and 8). We reserved dining in the MDR prior to the trip via the app for the first few days just so we knew there was a guaranteed place to eat. On night one, the dining room manager introduced himself to us and said he went ahead and booked our table for us every night of the trip. If we didn't show, it was fine.
Food quality in the main dining rooms (MDRs) was consistently good across breakfast and dinner. On port days, it's an "express breakfast" which just means a shorter list of options. Nothing mind-blowing, but solid and tasty. My biggest gripe here is the operating hours. On sea days, the MDR closes for breakfast at 9:00am. You basically have to choose between sleeping in a little, hitting the gym, or getting a decent breakfast.
Pro-Tip: Biggest breakfast tip is stay away from the scrammbled eggs -- they're gross. We figured out that the scrambled eggs come from a bag. If you want real, cracked eggs, either get an omelett or over easy/medium/hard/etc.

Reserve Suite Dining Access

The Reserve mini-suite gives you access to the Reserve Restaurant. It's a little bit more elevated of a dining experience and reservations aren't needed -- you just show up. We dined her a few times and it did feel more elevated. Unlike the MDR, the server in the Reserve Restaurant feels more personal because they're handling smaller groups.

Lido Deck

For more casual fare, the Lido deck had some surprises like an awesome made-to-order salad bar station that became my go-to for healthier meals between all the indulgent dining. The burger grill, taco station and pizza areas were pretty standard, but that salad bar slapped.

Lackluster Buffet

On the flip side, The Eatery buffet left a lot to be desired. Despite different themed stations, the quality was mid at best. We largely avoided eating at the buffet outside of quick breakfast grabs. The Eatery closes for breakfast around 10:00 AM. At which point if you move further into the ship, the restaurants that are normall Catch and Butcherblock become a buffet extension that's opened later -- it's kind of funky.
The layout of the buffet is weird and leaves people wondering if they're cutting in line especially when you go to the extended buffet at Catch/Butcherblock.
What's odd to me is you can go grab a million cheese plates, fruit plates or hummus/veggie plates at the buffet. But if you order those things through the Medallion app, it's not "complimentary." You have to pay like $4.99-$5.99 for those items. We still can't figure out why it costs $5 to order a tiny cheese plate but ordering a cheeseburger is free.

Specialty Dining Winners

We used our two speciality dining credits at Crown Grill and Butcher's Block. I was a little worried because I had read mixed reviews on here about both of these restaurants. However, both meals were really good and before you come at me, I'm a foodie guy -- I'd tell you if they sucked.
We chose Crown for my parent's anniversay dinner. The service was awesome and they made us all feel really special. The setup here is like a steakhouse, where you order your beef and then the sides are a la carte family style. We had a group of seven -- the manager just said "we'll bring you out all the sides, enough for your whole party" which was great.
The next week, we hit up Butcher's Block by Dario. I've never left a meal more full on a cruise ship than at this place. It's family style dining and they just bring out everything for you -- almost like a brazilian barbecue place. We started with a bread appetizer and a glass of wine while you wait for them to get the dining room setup. Then there's more bread on the table + veggies. Then the food starts coming out: beef tartar; beef carpaccio; etc. The main event is the massive tomahawks and porterhouse steaks they carve up tableside. They'll just keep putting beef on your plate until you beg them to stop. Finally, there's desert and a grappa digestif.
Both restaurants were great experiences and a very welcomed change from the MDR after a week of repetition. The food, service and overall vibe were a noticeable step up.

Spellbound

We also splurged one night for the Spellbound immersive magic/dinner experience and it was easily a cruise highlight despite the $150/pp price tag. After an elevated multi-course meal, you get ushered by a guy in a top hat into an exclusive hidden club. While waiting for the magic show, you hang out in their bar which is reminiscent of the Dinseyland Haunted Mansion. While enjoying your drink, there's a magician perorming more intement magic for everyone at the bar. Once they're ready for the show, you're brought into the room where the actual magic show takes place. Afterwards, you're welcome to hang out in the Spellbound bar and continue drinking.
If you're from LA, you probably know about the Magic Castle in Hollywood. Spellbound is an extension of the Magic Castle. Just like with the Magic Castle, you show up in formal wear. This means a coat and tie for the men and an evening gown/dress for the woman.
Overall, we really enjoyed it.

Room Service

This was hit or miss for us. You fill out the paper door hangar and place it on your doorknob before heading to bed. Then you hope and pray that it will actually arrive -- which in two of our instances, it never did. Your options are also super limited. You also may or may not receive what you actually ordered. With coffee for instance, you have a choice of ordering it to-go (paper cup) or stay (actual coffe cup). We always seemed to get the opposite of what we ordered to the point where it became a running joke for us.

International Cafe

This became our goto for a lot of things: coffee, snacks, quick breakfast food (pastries, coffee cake, avodcado toast, Egg McMuffins). Werid fact though: if you order the Egg McMuffin through the app, it comes as an egg patty just like McDonalds and with cheese. When you get the one at International Cafe, it's just an over easy egg and no cheese. Why they can't just be the same is odd.

Night Owl Needs

My main dining gripe was the lack of solid late night food options for us night owls. The Eatery buffet closed at an absurd 10:30pm, leaving only spotty room service or mobile ordering as the choices if you worked up an appetite after evening activities. More robust late-night casual dining would be appreciated.

Bars & Alcohol

Overall, great selection of cocktails. All of the bars have their own little theme and different menus. The ladies I was with were consitently impressed at the quality and thought of the cocktails at each bar. They were also super impressed with the quality of the glassware being used. I must admit, everything from the rocks glasses to the martini glasses really were beautiful.
If you just want straight spirits, you have to order a double to get a normal pour (they're actually measuring out the pours). That being said, with either Plus or Premium, you'll get a good selection of top quality booze.
You gotta try really hard to hit the 15-drink max. Some days I had drinks at breakfast, during the day, lunch, before dinner, during dinner and after dinner. I never hit my max.
One thing that impressed me was staff actually being concerned about drink quality. We were having drinks at one of the bars on the Lido deck. The supervisor was upset with the bartenders because they ran out of premium liquor and hadn't requested more. He made sure to remind them that when someone orders a premium drink they get a premium liquor -- no exceptions.
You also must checkout the Good Spirits bar. There's a few times throughout the night where you watch a live cocktail demonstration. The bartenders at GS are so fun and playful -- really makes for a great vibe.

Amenities - Hits & Misses

The gym facilities on board were a bit of a disappointment, especially for a new ship. While they had a nice assortment of cardio machines, the actual weight room was laughably small with only a few pieces of strength equipment that were always monopolized. Not a deal-breaker, but an area that could be improved.
The pool areas were nicely spread out across different sections of the Lido deck. On sailing days, there was typically a band, the DJ and then a random movie on the jumbotron. The random blasting of action movies at 3pm really ruined the pool vibe and it's typically when the deck would thin out. One minute you're relaxing in the jacuzzi, the next an action movie with explosions is shaking the pool area. It made no sense and seemed tailored for a much younger crowd despite this sailing's passengers being mostly older adults.

Technology & Support

In addition to the Medallion app, the overall internet speeds on board were fast and reliable enough for me to easily stay connected for basic work needs.
The technology support via the app's live chat feature, however, was utterly useless. Any time we had issues properly being charged for drink packages or had to modify reservations, the live chat was a time-wasting nightmare. You're clearly just talking to an outsourced rep with zero actual knowledge of Princess' systems or operations. Your best bet is to go in-person to the guest services desk.

Other Notes & Quibbles

• Dress codes weren't enforced at all. We did the whole suite/gown routine for formal nights only to see plenty of people still rocking jeans and t-shirts in the MDR. Same lack of enforcement for the "formal attire required" Spellbound event. Either lose the formal nights or enforce them.
• Our drink package tallies often had errors, with our group's drinks randomly getting combined onto one person's account. Always double check and ask for corrections.
• The "Cabana" balcony suite layout is bizarre - your balcony is just a shared landing in front of other suites, rather than a private space. We avoided these after hearing the lack of privacy.

I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X

Tired of getting kicked/banned? Come check out and favorite the new HC server if you’re done with Badmin Bullshit! Got together with a group of people and decided to add to the hardcore servers for XBOX only! Mainly running conquests best maps, but we’ll be doing a Friday Night Rush as well between 6-9PM EST! There’s no bullshit rules with the exception of: No teamkilling. Don’t camp a vehicle in spawn. Leave one flag for the enemy team to avoid base raping (Doesn’t matter where this flag is on the map) We’ll be taking suggestions for game modes as well as map rotations! “We’re here to make friends, not compete!”

Just started a rewatch and I’m on S1 E5 (Tan Lines)
Ted meets up with his family at the training ground, then heads to the pub with them. When they walk in, Mae immediately hands Henry the darts and tells him where the board is and says to have fun and not hit anyone. In the darts scene, Mae never tries to warn Ted about how good Rupert is, and Ted asks her what he needs to win - maybe they had already discussed darts one night while Ted was having a drink in the pub?
What do you think? Did Mae know that Ted used to play darts every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with his father? And did Ted take Henry to play darts?