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2024.05.14 03:09 CalyWitsune The Games That Scared Me Away
Long time lurker, first time redditoposter. I've been listening and reading a lot of these horror stories and figured it might be fun to share mine.
I haven't actually played a game of DnD or DnD adjacent since about 2020/2021, mostly because of what transpired during the games I actually did play before that. I love the concept, I love creating characters and stories and worlds, but I get a pit in my stomach when I actually try to play again.
I had my first opportunity to play DnD my freshman year of college. I dropped in on the campus tabletop club and I was quite anxious. I was the only girl in the room, everyone seemed to have known each other or clicked well, but I wanted to branch out of my comfort zone. The first night went well! We played a very quick heist one shot where we made a character with one flaw and one interesting trait. Through unfortunate rolls and circumstances, we had a TPK, but it was a fun time. I was invited afterwards to join a Pathfinder campaign that a few of the members were going to start up for the new semester, and so I scheduled a time to meet with the DM and create my first full fledged character.
Now, the DM was kind of eccentric, a little whack if you will but very excited to help me make my first character. I thought he was just goofy and really into the game. God I wish I picked up on all the red flags that would come.
He first asked me what kind of race I'd like to play as. I had always been drawn to tiefling characters because I liked the aesthetic. His eyes lit up at that for some reason. Then he asked what class I'd like; if I'd like to be primarily a support or tank or what have you. I didn't want to get overwhelmed in my first game and thought support might be nice. I could watch how combat worked while just keeping everyone going and buffed. I said let's try bard! The grin that crept up on his face...
He immediately started talking about how saucy that would be, how my character would be so flirty and fun. I expressed some discomfort in having my character immediately fall into the "h*rny bard" category I had seen meme'd on so much, but he laughed and waved it off by saying he "was a theater kid in high school! Everyone was super h*orny and making out backstage all the time. It just comes with the environment!" Being a new player, and wanting to fit in, I pushed down my discomfort and thought okay, I'll play her as a joke character I guess.
For awhile it was fine, I got to play her as a dancelyre player who was part of a traveling circus. Nothing weird was coming up the first few sessions. Most of the other PCs either joined together by taking quests from the town job board, or had ties built in to their backstory. My first red flag should have been that the DM, despite constantly raving about all his planning, was frequently skipping around the story. He would suddenly decide the plot point we were on wasn't interesting enough for some reason, and just throw us into another scenario. We left so many lose ends because he just didn't feel like finishing them, regardless of if we were engaging in it or not. But hey, he's the DM right? That's what I thought, he had the right to change it. I had no prior experience to see this was just bad DMing.
We ended up joining an archery competition as we were tempted by a mystery grand prize. At the sign up table, out of nowhere, the DMPC attending to registration suddenly starts flirting with my character. I got flustered in a negative way because this DM got very into character (giving me looks, leaning in as he spoke to me, the whole shebang). I panicked, all of a sudden being the focus of a room full of men seeing how I'd react to it. I again, stupidly, went along with it. I had her (nervously) flirt back lightly, and I was relieved it didn't go much further at that point. Skipping to the end of the archery competition, my bard ended up in the final two and sabotaged an assassination on the town's mayor mid competition. The party was invited to a celebratory dinner at the mayor's house afterwards, where we once again ran into the NPC that flirted with my character at registration. He invited her to bed, and again I got extremely uncomfortable and flustered. None of this was discussed beforehand, nor was I even asked if I was comfortable with such topics before joining the campaign. The guys at the table were egging me on, and I felt pressured to accept. With a few hoots and hollers, we had a fade to black scene (thank god). I went home feeling very icky, but convinced myself I was being a wimp. And the table had enjoyed my antics that night, so I should be grateful.
I had the thought between sessions to write in a childhood friends to lovers interest for my bard to try and avoid any more unexpected encounters like that again, thinking if the DM had another character to play as with some personal tie to my bard, that would make be feel better about the interactions. He was brought up once, where I milked the f*ck out of my character's attachment to him, hoping to drive home that this was juicy potential relationship to build over the campaign. He never came up again during that campaign. The DM also completely disregarded many of the notes I gave him detailing this love interest's personality, and took many 'creative liberties' with him, but not enough where I would decide to say something.
Another few sessions happened where we struggled through the DMs inconsistent storytelling and jumping around to whatever plot point had his interest at the moment. He was constantly putting us in fights we could not hope to win, way too challenging for our lvl. 1-3 party. We often sat around the table in disappointment and defeat as we got absolutely destroyed by monsters (no one being able to land hits for sometimes 3-4 rounds at a time because of how high the AC or CR was), while the DM laughed and basked in the dreary nature of the table. He would usually eventually fudge rolls to give us an out when we were close to TPKs. He even gave us a deck of many things and insisted our PCs "felt compelled" to pull cards despite the players disagreeing they that wanted to. He attempted to force my character to drastically change her alignment to an evil one for shits and giggles because of one card pull (later allowed me to ignore it because I didn't even WANT to use the deck), and got three of us killed by having them pull a card that summoned the highest CR monster you could use.
One night he texts the group chat that he decided he's done running that story, and wants to run another one shot instead. We had one last session to "close" that first campaign and discuss the one shot options. During our meeting, he gleefully admitted to me that he had planned for my bard to get PREGNANT in that one night stand with the NPC from the archery competition. Not only did he plan to do that without my consent or knowledge, he had planned for it to be a HAG baby that would have entirely f*cked my PC up (he explained it as the man having been a witch in disguise or something?? And said that's how hags are made? Which to my knowledge is entirely incorrect. Maybe it was a homebrew rule, but regardless, I was mortified. And now very grateful he lost interest in that campaign).
Moving on to the one shot, another player decided to try DMing, and so the Problem DM had a chance to be a PC, yay! He privately messaged me and asked if I'd be interested in connecting our characters and their backstories. I said yes and we got to work. We spent a few nights discussing their dynamic and I was really excited to go into this game. Well, come the night of the session, we were going around the table introducing our characters. The Problem DM went before me, and introduced an entirely different character than the one we discussed, and one that would often almost kill us during the one shot (to which the guy would cackle and mock us for getting upset each time). I asked him what happened to our plan, and he said earlier that day he decided he wanted to do something different. I sighed and let it go, because at least it was just a one shot and my character could still function without his connection to the other PC. Another one shot where the Problem DM got to be a PC, he seemed to make it his goal to be the biggest asshole to everyone else's character. My PC was an archaeologist, and when she excitedly discovered some old pottery in a dungeon, he had his PC run up and smash everything and laugh in her face.
The next campaign we tried that had issues was a Starfinder campaign. Our party was considered its own crew for a space ship, plus one DMPC that was placed into the mix supposedly to help us if we fell short, since we were all unfamiliar with Starfinder and spaceship battle mechanics. She was honestly a really cool character! And we had one or two sessions to establish the story and how the crew interacted. Now, this was my mistake, not taking any of the other creepy habits of the DM into consideration, but I offhandedly mentioned to the table at large that my PC (a woman) might be developing a crush on this DMPC (also a woman). They had gone through a lot together in-game at that point and it felt natural. The next session, you'll never guess, the DMPC started flirting hard core with my character. I was confused and asked the DM what that was about, as we had never had any interactions between those two that would be read as romantic. Even if I mentioned my character was crushing, she had never let it on, and the DMPC had never indicated she felt a similar pull as well. The DM didn't really have an explanation, just that apparently in-universe, the DMPC had been flirting more and more with my character since their last adventure together alone. I thought, okay, I guess...
Honestly? What transpired would have been an insanely cool plot twist if we had had the time to actually roleplay and develop the relationship between my character and the DMPC, as well as the crew at large and the DMPC. She ended up being part of a cult that wanted to steal an artifact we had acquired. She was apparently trying to 'romance' my PC because my PC was the one who often guarded the artifact, and needed her to let her guard down. It would have been a super impactful betrayal, but it was literally only a handful of sessions between the first meeting, and the plot twist. We just had to trust the DMs word that we had all gotten super attached to her between actual session meetings and we all should feel like we were stabbed in the back by this trusted individual. And I especially should feel heartbroken because she never really was interested in me anyway.
Later on down the line, despite some very interesting story points, it got creepy again. Our PCs ended up being sucked into a death game show, and isolated from the outside world while being broadcast to universal TV stations. At some point we were all given access to the internet after a few weeks in isolation to search up anything we wanted. Everyone searched up their names among other things. The DM described us finding our newly formed fanbases. He described the other PCs fanbases (men played by men) as having hot debates on their intelligence and decisions during the show, or bets on if they'd be the last ones standing; that sort of stuff. He described my fanbase as leering creeps saying the most unhinged things about what they wanted my PC to do to them s*xually, as well as some spreading photos of my PC without her face covering (she was a Kasatha, which canonically keep their mouths covered. But she had been forced to remove it briefly when it almost waterboarded her after she fell into a river).
Eventually, we weren't able to meet consistently enough to warrant running campaigns anymore, and I fell out of touch with all involved. Oh, we also lost a player at some point right after he confessed to me and I declined his interest.
I went another year not playing before another friend group of mine invited me to play as a guest character. I thought this would be a nice way to ease back into the game slowly after my horrid experiences before. Rather than make an entirely new character for one or two sessions, I brought back my tiefling bard because I still really liked her character, and had started to reshape her personality without being pressured to have her be a s*xual chess piece. The new DM dropped my character in a labyrinth their current party had been trapped in for awhile. I was made to be a level or two higher and be an ally they encountered to help them escape. We did, it was fun! But I was only there as a guest, and had only planned my character to be in one to two sessions before leaving. I was consistently mentioning to the party that my PC would be leaving as soon as they get to her major city, but either they didn't think I was serious or didn't remember. I may have been convinced to come on full time, but unfortunately, history repeats itself. We got to a session where the party got to a tavern and drowned their sorrows and nursed their labyrinth bruises with beer, and the idea of a threesome was thrown in the air between my PC and two others. Now, half of this group were dating someone else in the group, and seemed very comfortable roleplaying casual s*x between their PCs because of it. They started a damn chant pressuring me to say yes, already trying to roleplay it, and I felt sick. I was too anxious at the idea of saying no with how aggressive everyone was for me to agree, so I tried to "roll for yes or no" as an out; the dice failed me, and it rolled a number assigned to yes. I was very quiet the rest of the session, and afterwards messaged the DM that I want my character to leave at the beginning of the next session.
The DM then tried to convince me to stay, despite me saying a clear no multiple times within the same conversation. They begged me to stay saying the party loved my PC a lot, and they would hate to lose me. When they finally relented, they then tried to smoothly transition to talk of making me a new character so I could permanently stay with the party, without compromising my bards story and decision. I kind of got on their case about that, and told them to stop pressuring me and I did not want to play with that group anymore. Eventually, they gave up, but not without some low key guilt tripping.
I tried playing with one more group after this, and while it didn't get creepy, it was also a disappointment as none of the players seemed to care besides me and the DM, despite everyone having encouraged starting the game because they wanted to learn how to play for the first time. Players slowly started ghosting us, drama happened between two players that joined just to have an excuse to talk and try and date (which ended up very messy and they both left), and the new players would get angry at me or the DM if they got confused with the rules or combat dynamics (the wizard rushed ahead of me, the tank barbarian, and then acted like it was my fault when they nearly got killed in the first round because "the tank is supposed to protect the damage dealers").
The DM and I stayed in contact after all the other players ghosted the chat, and ended up bringing over some other new players who had also played before, and re hauled the campaign. This one had so much promise...then quarantine hit, and we couldn't keep up with regular meetings.
At this point, with all my games ending with creeps, messy player dynamics or falling through, I decided maybe these kinds of games weren't for me.
I have new friends now inviting me to play, who have very functional groups (experienced professional DMs, closeknit friend groups, long-running campaigns), but I am too wary to accept any more offers for games, despite deep down really wanting to try again and be part of something I know can be amazing. Maybe I will one day, but until then, I just have these horror stories to think about.
submitted by CalyWitsune to dndhorrorstories [link] [comments]
I haven't actually played a game of DnD or DnD adjacent since about 2020/2021, mostly because of what transpired during the games I actually did play before that. I love the concept, I love creating characters and stories and worlds, but I get a pit in my stomach when I actually try to play again.
I had my first opportunity to play DnD my freshman year of college. I dropped in on the campus tabletop club and I was quite anxious. I was the only girl in the room, everyone seemed to have known each other or clicked well, but I wanted to branch out of my comfort zone. The first night went well! We played a very quick heist one shot where we made a character with one flaw and one interesting trait. Through unfortunate rolls and circumstances, we had a TPK, but it was a fun time. I was invited afterwards to join a Pathfinder campaign that a few of the members were going to start up for the new semester, and so I scheduled a time to meet with the DM and create my first full fledged character.
Now, the DM was kind of eccentric, a little whack if you will but very excited to help me make my first character. I thought he was just goofy and really into the game. God I wish I picked up on all the red flags that would come.
He first asked me what kind of race I'd like to play as. I had always been drawn to tiefling characters because I liked the aesthetic. His eyes lit up at that for some reason. Then he asked what class I'd like; if I'd like to be primarily a support or tank or what have you. I didn't want to get overwhelmed in my first game and thought support might be nice. I could watch how combat worked while just keeping everyone going and buffed. I said let's try bard! The grin that crept up on his face...
He immediately started talking about how saucy that would be, how my character would be so flirty and fun. I expressed some discomfort in having my character immediately fall into the "h*rny bard" category I had seen meme'd on so much, but he laughed and waved it off by saying he "was a theater kid in high school! Everyone was super h*orny and making out backstage all the time. It just comes with the environment!" Being a new player, and wanting to fit in, I pushed down my discomfort and thought okay, I'll play her as a joke character I guess.
For awhile it was fine, I got to play her as a dancelyre player who was part of a traveling circus. Nothing weird was coming up the first few sessions. Most of the other PCs either joined together by taking quests from the town job board, or had ties built in to their backstory. My first red flag should have been that the DM, despite constantly raving about all his planning, was frequently skipping around the story. He would suddenly decide the plot point we were on wasn't interesting enough for some reason, and just throw us into another scenario. We left so many lose ends because he just didn't feel like finishing them, regardless of if we were engaging in it or not. But hey, he's the DM right? That's what I thought, he had the right to change it. I had no prior experience to see this was just bad DMing.
We ended up joining an archery competition as we were tempted by a mystery grand prize. At the sign up table, out of nowhere, the DMPC attending to registration suddenly starts flirting with my character. I got flustered in a negative way because this DM got very into character (giving me looks, leaning in as he spoke to me, the whole shebang). I panicked, all of a sudden being the focus of a room full of men seeing how I'd react to it. I again, stupidly, went along with it. I had her (nervously) flirt back lightly, and I was relieved it didn't go much further at that point. Skipping to the end of the archery competition, my bard ended up in the final two and sabotaged an assassination on the town's mayor mid competition. The party was invited to a celebratory dinner at the mayor's house afterwards, where we once again ran into the NPC that flirted with my character at registration. He invited her to bed, and again I got extremely uncomfortable and flustered. None of this was discussed beforehand, nor was I even asked if I was comfortable with such topics before joining the campaign. The guys at the table were egging me on, and I felt pressured to accept. With a few hoots and hollers, we had a fade to black scene (thank god). I went home feeling very icky, but convinced myself I was being a wimp. And the table had enjoyed my antics that night, so I should be grateful.
I had the thought between sessions to write in a childhood friends to lovers interest for my bard to try and avoid any more unexpected encounters like that again, thinking if the DM had another character to play as with some personal tie to my bard, that would make be feel better about the interactions. He was brought up once, where I milked the f*ck out of my character's attachment to him, hoping to drive home that this was juicy potential relationship to build over the campaign. He never came up again during that campaign. The DM also completely disregarded many of the notes I gave him detailing this love interest's personality, and took many 'creative liberties' with him, but not enough where I would decide to say something.
Another few sessions happened where we struggled through the DMs inconsistent storytelling and jumping around to whatever plot point had his interest at the moment. He was constantly putting us in fights we could not hope to win, way too challenging for our lvl. 1-3 party. We often sat around the table in disappointment and defeat as we got absolutely destroyed by monsters (no one being able to land hits for sometimes 3-4 rounds at a time because of how high the AC or CR was), while the DM laughed and basked in the dreary nature of the table. He would usually eventually fudge rolls to give us an out when we were close to TPKs. He even gave us a deck of many things and insisted our PCs "felt compelled" to pull cards despite the players disagreeing they that wanted to. He attempted to force my character to drastically change her alignment to an evil one for shits and giggles because of one card pull (later allowed me to ignore it because I didn't even WANT to use the deck), and got three of us killed by having them pull a card that summoned the highest CR monster you could use.
One night he texts the group chat that he decided he's done running that story, and wants to run another one shot instead. We had one last session to "close" that first campaign and discuss the one shot options. During our meeting, he gleefully admitted to me that he had planned for my bard to get PREGNANT in that one night stand with the NPC from the archery competition. Not only did he plan to do that without my consent or knowledge, he had planned for it to be a HAG baby that would have entirely f*cked my PC up (he explained it as the man having been a witch in disguise or something?? And said that's how hags are made? Which to my knowledge is entirely incorrect. Maybe it was a homebrew rule, but regardless, I was mortified. And now very grateful he lost interest in that campaign).
Moving on to the one shot, another player decided to try DMing, and so the Problem DM had a chance to be a PC, yay! He privately messaged me and asked if I'd be interested in connecting our characters and their backstories. I said yes and we got to work. We spent a few nights discussing their dynamic and I was really excited to go into this game. Well, come the night of the session, we were going around the table introducing our characters. The Problem DM went before me, and introduced an entirely different character than the one we discussed, and one that would often almost kill us during the one shot (to which the guy would cackle and mock us for getting upset each time). I asked him what happened to our plan, and he said earlier that day he decided he wanted to do something different. I sighed and let it go, because at least it was just a one shot and my character could still function without his connection to the other PC. Another one shot where the Problem DM got to be a PC, he seemed to make it his goal to be the biggest asshole to everyone else's character. My PC was an archaeologist, and when she excitedly discovered some old pottery in a dungeon, he had his PC run up and smash everything and laugh in her face.
The next campaign we tried that had issues was a Starfinder campaign. Our party was considered its own crew for a space ship, plus one DMPC that was placed into the mix supposedly to help us if we fell short, since we were all unfamiliar with Starfinder and spaceship battle mechanics. She was honestly a really cool character! And we had one or two sessions to establish the story and how the crew interacted. Now, this was my mistake, not taking any of the other creepy habits of the DM into consideration, but I offhandedly mentioned to the table at large that my PC (a woman) might be developing a crush on this DMPC (also a woman). They had gone through a lot together in-game at that point and it felt natural. The next session, you'll never guess, the DMPC started flirting hard core with my character. I was confused and asked the DM what that was about, as we had never had any interactions between those two that would be read as romantic. Even if I mentioned my character was crushing, she had never let it on, and the DMPC had never indicated she felt a similar pull as well. The DM didn't really have an explanation, just that apparently in-universe, the DMPC had been flirting more and more with my character since their last adventure together alone. I thought, okay, I guess...
Honestly? What transpired would have been an insanely cool plot twist if we had had the time to actually roleplay and develop the relationship between my character and the DMPC, as well as the crew at large and the DMPC. She ended up being part of a cult that wanted to steal an artifact we had acquired. She was apparently trying to 'romance' my PC because my PC was the one who often guarded the artifact, and needed her to let her guard down. It would have been a super impactful betrayal, but it was literally only a handful of sessions between the first meeting, and the plot twist. We just had to trust the DMs word that we had all gotten super attached to her between actual session meetings and we all should feel like we were stabbed in the back by this trusted individual. And I especially should feel heartbroken because she never really was interested in me anyway.
Later on down the line, despite some very interesting story points, it got creepy again. Our PCs ended up being sucked into a death game show, and isolated from the outside world while being broadcast to universal TV stations. At some point we were all given access to the internet after a few weeks in isolation to search up anything we wanted. Everyone searched up their names among other things. The DM described us finding our newly formed fanbases. He described the other PCs fanbases (men played by men) as having hot debates on their intelligence and decisions during the show, or bets on if they'd be the last ones standing; that sort of stuff. He described my fanbase as leering creeps saying the most unhinged things about what they wanted my PC to do to them s*xually, as well as some spreading photos of my PC without her face covering (she was a Kasatha, which canonically keep their mouths covered. But she had been forced to remove it briefly when it almost waterboarded her after she fell into a river).
Eventually, we weren't able to meet consistently enough to warrant running campaigns anymore, and I fell out of touch with all involved. Oh, we also lost a player at some point right after he confessed to me and I declined his interest.
I went another year not playing before another friend group of mine invited me to play as a guest character. I thought this would be a nice way to ease back into the game slowly after my horrid experiences before. Rather than make an entirely new character for one or two sessions, I brought back my tiefling bard because I still really liked her character, and had started to reshape her personality without being pressured to have her be a s*xual chess piece. The new DM dropped my character in a labyrinth their current party had been trapped in for awhile. I was made to be a level or two higher and be an ally they encountered to help them escape. We did, it was fun! But I was only there as a guest, and had only planned my character to be in one to two sessions before leaving. I was consistently mentioning to the party that my PC would be leaving as soon as they get to her major city, but either they didn't think I was serious or didn't remember. I may have been convinced to come on full time, but unfortunately, history repeats itself. We got to a session where the party got to a tavern and drowned their sorrows and nursed their labyrinth bruises with beer, and the idea of a threesome was thrown in the air between my PC and two others. Now, half of this group were dating someone else in the group, and seemed very comfortable roleplaying casual s*x between their PCs because of it. They started a damn chant pressuring me to say yes, already trying to roleplay it, and I felt sick. I was too anxious at the idea of saying no with how aggressive everyone was for me to agree, so I tried to "roll for yes or no" as an out; the dice failed me, and it rolled a number assigned to yes. I was very quiet the rest of the session, and afterwards messaged the DM that I want my character to leave at the beginning of the next session.
The DM then tried to convince me to stay, despite me saying a clear no multiple times within the same conversation. They begged me to stay saying the party loved my PC a lot, and they would hate to lose me. When they finally relented, they then tried to smoothly transition to talk of making me a new character so I could permanently stay with the party, without compromising my bards story and decision. I kind of got on their case about that, and told them to stop pressuring me and I did not want to play with that group anymore. Eventually, they gave up, but not without some low key guilt tripping.
I tried playing with one more group after this, and while it didn't get creepy, it was also a disappointment as none of the players seemed to care besides me and the DM, despite everyone having encouraged starting the game because they wanted to learn how to play for the first time. Players slowly started ghosting us, drama happened between two players that joined just to have an excuse to talk and try and date (which ended up very messy and they both left), and the new players would get angry at me or the DM if they got confused with the rules or combat dynamics (the wizard rushed ahead of me, the tank barbarian, and then acted like it was my fault when they nearly got killed in the first round because "the tank is supposed to protect the damage dealers").
The DM and I stayed in contact after all the other players ghosted the chat, and ended up bringing over some other new players who had also played before, and re hauled the campaign. This one had so much promise...then quarantine hit, and we couldn't keep up with regular meetings.
At this point, with all my games ending with creeps, messy player dynamics or falling through, I decided maybe these kinds of games weren't for me.
I have new friends now inviting me to play, who have very functional groups (experienced professional DMs, closeknit friend groups, long-running campaigns), but I am too wary to accept any more offers for games, despite deep down really wanting to try again and be part of something I know can be amazing. Maybe I will one day, but until then, I just have these horror stories to think about.
2024.05.14 01:51 LeftoverGarbage The Best IPTV provider in USA and Why ?
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submitted by LeftoverGarbage to iptvspot1 [link] [comments]
Programming Package
A comprehensive channel selection will remain central to any premium service in 2024. Leaders like promise well over 100,000 global channels by next year across live TV, VOD and PPV categories. Evaluating providers' channel roadmaps is wise to ensure your favorite networks and specialty offerings will continue expanding over the next 12 months.
Device Compatibility
Seamless access across a wide range of devices from any location will still define top IPTV experiences in 2024. Premier providers like 4KIPTVSpot commit to adding new device types and platforms regularly based on customer demands. Their universal compatibility ensures entertainment is always available however and wherever you choose to watch.
Picture Quality Advances
Industry forecasts suggest 4K and 8K live streams will become far more commonplace in 2024. 4KIPTVSpot pledges to deliver the bulk of its library at minimum 4K quality by next year to satisfy increasing resolution expectations. Their extensive network upgrades ensure customers enjoy cinema-grade entertainment directly on compatible screens at home.
Customizable Features
IPTV subscriptions moving into 2024 that offer high degrees of customization and personalization will satisfy diverse subscriber needs most effectively. Services like 4KIPTVSpot enable highly tailored channel bundles, playback options, user profiles and more for ultimate control. Their innovative feature-sets keep the experience feeling fresh for years.
Reliability Through Upgrades
Keeping pace with growing demands requires networks upgrading constantly. Top IPTV providers dedicate sizable budgets to server improvements that guarantee reliability as channel loads increase heading into 2024 and beyond. Premium IPTV promises redundant capacities to deliver an uninterrupted viewing experience under even the heaviest traffic.
Continued Value
Multi-year plans from reputable suppliers remain the most cost-effective option heading into the new year.4KIPTVSpot great long-term value starting at just $49.99 annually through 2024. Their competitive pricing and consistent feature additions over time make them a leading choice.
Customer Support Excellence
Any issues that might occur with extensive programming require fast responses. 4KIPTVSpot commits to award-winning 24/7 multi-channel support globally into 2024 to solve problems swiftly so the focus stays on enjoying entertainment. Their customer-first approach leads the industry.
In summary, prioritizing these important criteria when selecting an IPTV provider positions you to fully capitalize on all the exciting advancements coming to the industry in 2024 and take your entertainment experience to new heights in the new year. 4KIPTVSpot stands out as the top choice.
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2024.05.14 01:41 arasitar Dawn of the Infinite - Hard Mode - Deathless (Immortal) for 519 loot was a pretty fun challenge - though has some annoyances
I don't think a lot of people realize that Dawn of the Infinite has an additional difficulty above Hard Mode - called Deathless / Immortal.
There is an achievement tracking it: https://www.wowhead.com/achievement=18706/put-that-thing-back-where-it-came-from
The challenge is do all bosses on HM but have no one die from beginning to end (we've seen similar things in previous mega dungeons - Tazavesh and Mechagon). The 'Deathless' twist is four hourglasses that only prevent you from jumping - this isn't really a big deal and on Deos the hourglasses is auto-chucked by a player when they are near a keeper add.
The reward if you haven't done it before is an achievement plus transmogs. Relevant this season is that the final boss loot is upgraded from 509 Hero 3/6 gear to 519 Myth 1/4 gear. Some specs rely on Mirror of Fractured Tomorrows which is BiS for some specs since you can upgrade it all the way to 528.
Also relevant this week is the Dragonflight Dungeon bonus which upgrades Chrono-Lord Deios and drops an additional piece.
The Good
submitted by arasitar to wow [link] [comments]
There is an achievement tracking it: https://www.wowhead.com/achievement=18706/put-that-thing-back-where-it-came-from
The challenge is do all bosses on HM but have no one die from beginning to end (we've seen similar things in previous mega dungeons - Tazavesh and Mechagon). The 'Deathless' twist is four hourglasses that only prevent you from jumping - this isn't really a big deal and on Deos the hourglasses is auto-chucked by a player when they are near a keeper add.
The reward if you haven't done it before is an achievement plus transmogs. Relevant this season is that the final boss loot is upgraded from 509 Hero 3/6 gear to 519 Myth 1/4 gear. Some specs rely on Mirror of Fractured Tomorrows which is BiS for some specs since you can upgrade it all the way to 528.
Also relevant this week is the Dragonflight Dungeon bonus which upgrades Chrono-Lord Deios and drops an additional piece.
The Good
- I underestimate how much the key squish would affect Mega Dungeons. We've got this nice Normal raid experience with Mega Dungeon M0, then Heroic raid level with Hard Mode, and Deathless is akin to low Mythic raid level.
I'm in favor of pushing more Mega Dungeon challenges and this fills in the niche that players wanting a small raid experience but don't want to feel 'rushed' by the timer in regular M+. - HM puts in some nice interesting twists. Deathless on top forces in playing safer builds which can in turn create more interesting gameplay.
- This is badly advertised. Wowhead seems content on spamming random posts even spamming the DF dungeon post twice despite having double 519 loot drops being extremely relevant to a lot of players.
I had to dig through to find a relevant log: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/2142447030?t=0h52m42s
I tried to group finder PUG this but it took hours to get a full team because (A) people don't know about it (B) it is badly advertised (C) this is sort of a +10 difficulty level but pretty hidden in the 'HM' category which is kinda of a +5 ish in the 'Dawn of the Infinite (Mythic) category.
Had to relent and corral and bribe guildies. I doubt I'll be doing this again this season but we're happy that two of the guildies got their BiS drops from the run.
At least BfA Mechagon had the Rank 4 Essence animation plus mount. - There's basically nothing that is relevant for Healers on Deos.
- Bullions should also include M+ dungeon items and Mega Dungeon items. I had so much trouble trying to find people for this, I can't imagine players who 'technically' have BiS items coming from Deathless specifically but can't run this because no one is interested.
- Deathless is a bit much. I'd recommend getting in at 515+ item level just to smooth out the damage going out. I wouldn't rank Chrono-Lord Deos 'harder' than say Mythic Igira this week, but no one can make a single death throughout the 1-2 hours of the run.
This is akin to a +10 keystone right now in difficulty but no one can die.
Deathless makes a lot more sense when you can come in with 30+ item levels. You can't really do that this season, and it isn't uncommon to have something random one shot you or some bug or something random kill you through no fault of your own on top of some random difficulty spikes (those eels near the Horde / Alliance timeway area can truck if you decide to pull them)
I think we can redesign this so 'mythic' level ups the tuning and adds a small little extra twist. This smooths out the entire experience. - Having to click through a variety of things to activate difficulties is a bit convoluted. I think a simple 'choose your level at the start' 'normal, heroic, mythic' is best.
- There should be an option in the group finder to indicate the difficulty level you want to participate in.
2024.05.14 01:34 TheTVTheorist “What if it’s all a dream?”
Hey Fromland! Did the Season 3 trailer leave you feeling a little...underwhelmed? Don't get me wrong, the show is still the creepiest thing on TV, but the trailer gave us only a little new information. Today, we will dig into what WAS revealed, what was MISSING, and my latest theory on what the town represents.
Critique of the Trailer: Okay, let's be honest. We've already seen Boyd battle those horrifying monsters, heard plenty of blood-curdling screams, and witnessed Victor's thousand-yard stare. So, what does the trailer actually give us?
Winter is Here! The most obvious change is the shift from summer to winter, which we already knew from the season one finale.
Purposeful Torment: We get confirmation that all this horror isn't random; the town is intentionally designed to break the trapped residents. But what's missing? Where are the clues about the town's origins, the nature of the monsters, or ANY new mysteries to puzzle over?
New Theory: The Collective Unconscious of Unfulfilled Desires
This lack of answers has sparked a new theory for me. What if the town isn't just a physical place but a manifestation of a collective unconscious, specifically fueled by unfulfilled desires? And what if historical events in America didn't happen? But there's a twist! It's also an alternate dimension where key events in American history took different turns.
Jungian Psychology: Dreams as a Mirror: This whole concept aligns with Carl Jung's ideas about dreams. He believed our dreams are a way for the unconscious mind to communicate with us. Nightmares, especially, carry important messages about our anxieties and unresolved issues.
I suspect that Tabitha, Boyd, Jade, Donna, Father Khatri, Sarah, Kenny, and Kristi are not just trapped in the town, but are actively dreaming it. This explains the disjointed conversations and repeating events like Ellis getting hurt.
What Happens When You "Wake Up?" If the town is a dream, does death truly mean waking up? Or is it a more symbolic death, a confrontation of your deepest fears that allows you to transcend the nightmare?
submitted by TheTVTheorist to FromTVEpix [link] [comments]
Critique of the Trailer: Okay, let's be honest. We've already seen Boyd battle those horrifying monsters, heard plenty of blood-curdling screams, and witnessed Victor's thousand-yard stare. So, what does the trailer actually give us?
Winter is Here! The most obvious change is the shift from summer to winter, which we already knew from the season one finale.
Purposeful Torment: We get confirmation that all this horror isn't random; the town is intentionally designed to break the trapped residents. But what's missing? Where are the clues about the town's origins, the nature of the monsters, or ANY new mysteries to puzzle over?
New Theory: The Collective Unconscious of Unfulfilled Desires
This lack of answers has sparked a new theory for me. What if the town isn't just a physical place but a manifestation of a collective unconscious, specifically fueled by unfulfilled desires? And what if historical events in America didn't happen? But there's a twist! It's also an alternate dimension where key events in American history took different turns.
Jungian Psychology: Dreams as a Mirror: This whole concept aligns with Carl Jung's ideas about dreams. He believed our dreams are a way for the unconscious mind to communicate with us. Nightmares, especially, carry important messages about our anxieties and unresolved issues.
I suspect that Tabitha, Boyd, Jade, Donna, Father Khatri, Sarah, Kenny, and Kristi are not just trapped in the town, but are actively dreaming it. This explains the disjointed conversations and repeating events like Ellis getting hurt.
What Happens When You "Wake Up?" If the town is a dream, does death truly mean waking up? Or is it a more symbolic death, a confrontation of your deepest fears that allows you to transcend the nightmare?
2024.05.14 00:59 redditordeaditor6789 Cmv: Relegating consumption of media with sex/sexuality to only being porn is an unhealthy mindset
I’ll frequently see this take as a response to sex scenes in movies or tv shows. “If I wanted to watch people having sex I’d watch porn”. I don’t have any proof to back up this view so I’m open to having it changed but it just seems unhealthy to compartmentalize it like that. First, movies and tv shows can’t really show anything graphic. Maybe breasts or even genitals but nothing compared to porn which explicitly shows penetrative sex. Being able to experience arousal from just the suggestion of sex or scenes that would be called “soft core” if they were just a porn scene seems healthier than always going to depictions of explicit sex in porn to get off. You may answer that they can just watch soft core scenes but if you look at porn statistics that sites like pornhub puts out, the vast vast majority of consumers are watching “hardcore” porn.
Second I think it adds to this taboo attitude surrounding sex. Like there’s something bad about it so it needs to quarantined.
Last movies and shows have many more examples of the characters they are depicting having sex, being much more fleshed out and human. In porn the actors are simply there for sex. But many times (not always) in movies and tv shows the characters you are watching having sex, that’s only a small part to their character, where you’re much more likely to see many facets of their life. At their job, how they interact with their friends and family or enemies. I believe this is healthier because it doesn’t associate those actors with the sole purpose of being sex objects, like I believe watching porn can do with its actors.
Edit: I'd like to add, I don't think porn is inherently unhealthy to view either. I think like all things moderation is key. This is about the attitude of wanting to experience arousal from media exclusively from porn.
submitted by redditordeaditor6789 to changemyview [link] [comments]
Second I think it adds to this taboo attitude surrounding sex. Like there’s something bad about it so it needs to quarantined.
Last movies and shows have many more examples of the characters they are depicting having sex, being much more fleshed out and human. In porn the actors are simply there for sex. But many times (not always) in movies and tv shows the characters you are watching having sex, that’s only a small part to their character, where you’re much more likely to see many facets of their life. At their job, how they interact with their friends and family or enemies. I believe this is healthier because it doesn’t associate those actors with the sole purpose of being sex objects, like I believe watching porn can do with its actors.
Edit: I'd like to add, I don't think porn is inherently unhealthy to view either. I think like all things moderation is key. This is about the attitude of wanting to experience arousal from media exclusively from porn.
2024.05.14 00:38 craftytoonlover I may be a petty jersey, but at least I got away from a "toxic" friend.
Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.
submitted by craftytoonlover to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.
2024.05.14 00:33 craftytoonlover I may be the A-H and a bit petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.
submitted by craftytoonlover to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.
2024.05.14 00:12 Bowazon_ Season 4 Heartseeker Victimise Rogue Guide by Bowa
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Season 4 Heartseeker Planner Links
How it worksHeartseeker is one of the Rogue’s ranged basic attacks that has a reliable chance of hitting its targets.Although Heartseeker is reliable in that respect, its damage potential was very limited throughout Diablo 4 history due to its lower base damage compared to core skills and combo points and because it had no way of delivering imbuement effects, inflicting area of effect (AoE) damage or taking advantage of the huge damage bonus from precision. While basic skills still can’t be imbued and precision doesn’t work with basic skills, Heartseeker’s main obstacles have been solved:
Also, because Heartseeker tracks targets, this can be used safely and reliably to deal damage to enemies from afar. As enemies then agro towards you from a distance and converge closer and closer together as they approach you, this allows your AoE explosions to deal more damage the more tightly packed enemies become. Pros
Victimise has interactions with your original attacks that result in your damage output being affected by double dipping. This means that certain buffs and debuffs boost your damage twice, usually in 2 different stages of your full damage calculation. Victimise bases its damage based on a percentage of damage that your Heartseeker hits do. For example, if Heartseeker does 10,000 damage and Victimise does 300% of your original (Heartseeker) damage, then Victimise explosions will do 30,000 damage. If then your Heartseeker damage is increased by buffs and debuffs that result in Heartseeker doing more damage against its targets, then this will increase the base damage of Victimise. For example, if the Control glyph + Exploit Weakness debuffs increase Heartseeker’s damage by 50%, then Heartseeker will now do 15,000 damage, and Victimise is expected to do 45,000 damage (because Victimise does 300% of your Heartseeker damage). However in this case, when Heartseeker results in a Victimise explosion and hits the same targets that are affected by the Control glyph + Exploit Weakness debuffs, then Victimise itself also gains the benefits from these debuffs, and its final damage will increase from 45,000 damage to 67,500 damage, or in other words 30,000 x 1.5 x 1.5 = 67,500 damage. Known interactions that double dip with Victimise:
To put things into perspective, while playing in the PTR, I noticed my Barrage hits that were doing 1.1 million damage were procing Victimise explosions that were doing almost 12 million damage. With Heartseeker, our damage per hit with Heartseeker and Victimise explosions will do much more damage, and Victimise explosions will occur more often. https://preview.redd.it/bjskc65ro90d1.png?width=756&format=png&auto=webp&s=5d30f050350d11604ee1a341efc7aee86d75a4ab The BuildSkills
Inner Sight, purely for the 25% critical strike chance bonus once every few moments. Passive Effects
Paragon
Stats/Gear PrioritiesSummary
We want to have as many CC applying effects from our tempering mods as possible across Boots, Pants, Gloves, Chest and Head gear pieces. The possible CC applying effects available from tempering are:
Bow vs Crossbow As a basic principle, bows shoot 22% faster and crossbows deal 22% more damage. However, some nuanced stuff should be noted:
Swords vs Daggers We use Heartseeker for our “core” attacks, so we will only rely on our swords or daggers for their damage bonuses. Swords come with extra critical strike damage and daggers come with extra damage versus close enemies. Given that we will have a high amount of critical strike chance with this build and we may be fighting from afar quite often, going with swords is more ideal for this build. Survivability For survivability, there are a few things that will help us here.
LevellingAt the start of your levelling journey, you should follow any other levelling guide out there that uses Rapid Fire, Barrage or Penetrating Shot and use combo points. Once you reach the key passives at the bottom of your skill tree, you should use Precision for the foreseeable future.There are a few key ingredients that you should get before switching over to using Heartseeker and Victimise: Heartseeker:
High-end PitIn high-end Pit content, even trash enemies will take a little while to kill. This will force you to use your Caltrops, Smoke Grenade and other tools more often to maintain an efficient clear speed. With this in mind, see the notes below on the changes to make from the standard build.
Boss Attack Rotation
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2024.05.13 23:59 ohmaigotjoe [UK] Smallish work laptop for everyday use, MS Office and some photo/file management £500-£1000
I'm looking for a laptop for general use (used or refurb is fine) - web browsing, file sorting and archiving, MS Office and a little bit of picture/photo editing from time to time (no gaming) looking to perhaps stream media off this to the smart TV in the future.
Some key features I'd like to have:
submitted by ohmaigotjoe to SuggestALaptop [link] [comments]
Some key features I'd like to have:
- couple of USB ports (2 minimum)
- 1 HDMI port
- At least 16GB RAM
- ability to drive 2 external monitors without too much effort
- SSD HD ~1TB
- Looks nice, minimalist, slim - easily slides into backpack without snagging
- Battery power not a concern as it'll most be used whilst plugged in
- I'm planning to do long haul flights with this so something that will fit comfortably in an economy seat - 13 inch viewable screen, anything smaller might be too small?
- Price isn't a huge factor
- Doesn't come with too much bloat
2024.05.13 23:58 latebutstillearly1 Dad's Spaghetti (Reupload)
 | I came home from school and found a note on the kitchen dining table. submitted by latebutstillearly1 to u/latebutstillearly1 [link] [comments] "Made you spaghetti and meatballs. It's in the fridge. - Dad." I opened the fridge and sure enough, there it was. My stomach growled as I plucked the clingfilm off and slipped it into the microwave, then turned on the TV. Ding! A few minutes later, dinner was ready and I tucked in on the living room couch. The front door opened. Keys jangled and seconds later, dad came into the living room. "Thanks for the spaghetti, it's pretty good," I said. He smiled, but looked puzzled. "I didn't make that," he replied. I raised an eyebrow at him, assuming he'd forgotten. "You literally left me a note on the kitchen table saying you made it," I said, pointing at the note. He walked towards the slip of paper. "I didn't write that either," he said, looking baffled. "Huh?" Just then, my fingers began to feel numb, and I felt a tingling sensation through my chest. The sensation rapidly became stronger. My heart began to race as I became very short of breath, and I clutched at my throat, palms sweaty. Spit came drooling out of my mouth as I dropped the bowl and struggled to breathe. I stood up, choking and terrified. Dad immediately rushed towards me. His expression of confusion suddenly turned into panic as he glanced back at the note. Then I collapsed and began to black out as my knees became weak, and my arms heavy. https://preview.redd.it/9jw9nlcln90d1.jpg?width=632&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29b3f71d93c68a9998af4897a85584702aea2fc6 (Unsurprisingly, this got removed from shortscarystories but I had to preserve this comment thread 😂) |
2024.05.13 23:29 wantingbread Why was Christi not at the reunion?
I didn’t see this mentioned anywhere but also don’t follow this shit anymore lol.
I ended up watching the reunion and i ended up having this feeling that still feels valid since I haven’t had any confirmation or otherwise.
okay so here’s my feeling- was Christi not at the reunion because Chloe told her not to go? I haven’t personally seen anything mentioning why she wasn’t there (which I’m actually surprised about but also leads me to believe y’all know the reason why already) .
but I honestly had this feeling once I realized she wasn’t there that it was Chloe who felt like if Christi went it would impact Chloe’s ability to “close that chapter of her life”, due to the attention and drama Christi inevitably would bring to herself while there. Maybe this is just me being the kinda dude I am and analyzing Chloe in a way lol but I think that’s possibly the reason, and I think it’s VERY valid.
the only thing is that while Christi was fucking crazy (I actually mostly like her just fyi, tho I also acknowledge that she of course holds things to this day regarding Melissa mostly and then almost as an extension Maddie), I also think her issues with Melissa are just about 100% valid, tho I think at this point there is basically nothing to gain from continuing her campaign of spreading the truth (there is enough proof out there already for the ppl that want to know). Maddie and mackenzie will forever be successful, end of story.
It’s weird, looking at them I actually feel like they are good examples of how any child can become this kind of success with the right pieces in place. It doesn’t matter how talented you are, I honestly think a majority of ppl are talented enough to have the girls‘ success. You just need to be training early and often and possibly being damaged along the way (tho many ppl get damaged with zero success and fame to show for it). So in a sense I actually think this opinion I have aids Christi’s feelings- melissa did shady, manipulative, downright dirty things (TO LITTLE INNOCENT GIRLSSSSS) to get her children ahead Instead of letting it play out in the ‘most’ natural, deserving/earned way possible.
Anyway, lmfao, I think basically thats why she wasn’t there. Chloe said no or I won’t go (how awkward would that be for Christi to explain on tv “my daughter wouldn’t come because I wanted to be here more than let my innocent daughter have the best chance at healing”). I also have a feeling Christi, EVEN WITH ALL OF THIS SUPPORTING CHLOE, was like “well I get to call in then”😅) I also think most of what Christi says is accurate or close enough to be considered fair opinions and to actually wrap this up a little more clearly-
the reason why I even started talking about all of this Christi stuff, just to throw out something to think about, is that Christi, regardless of how insane/over-the-top she can be, also experienced these traumas. She literally experienced the daughter she loved and wanted to help achieve her dreams of being a [whatever those leg kickers are called lol] go through basically a UNIQUE kind of torture- it being unique because it was on National tv and she was the mother who the world viewed as being responsible for her child’s wellbeing, etc. that’s a fucking lot to go through regardless of how imperfect you are. Like imagine trying to fight for your daughter against a system in place that was designed for someone else to be lifted up at the expense of your daughter and the rest. AND all the main pieces of that system, that have the power to dictate how things play out/how you And your child’s future play out, are the exact things that are trying to harm you in shady ass ways and blame you and your daughter for it (ON NAT. TV). and I think what could possibly hurt ‘the most’ (I don’t mean that literally, the trauma will slwYs be a thing) is that everyone seemingly except for Maddie and mackenzie (from the OG’s who created this in the first place) are the only ones to really have had the benefit from the show. I’m guessing the $$ that Chloe or Brooke got wasnt worth it, tho Maddie and Mackenzie’s money/success definitely was.
(AND YOU CANT SAY ABBY OR THE SHOW OR NATURAL TALENT WAS THE KEY because chloe was same as Maddie early, and Mackenzie fucking SUCKED at singing early. Mackenzie is a hottie now tho so I promise I’m not hating. I’m glad she is happy in life for instance.
submitted by wantingbread to dancemoms [link] [comments]
I ended up watching the reunion and i ended up having this feeling that still feels valid since I haven’t had any confirmation or otherwise.
okay so here’s my feeling- was Christi not at the reunion because Chloe told her not to go? I haven’t personally seen anything mentioning why she wasn’t there (which I’m actually surprised about but also leads me to believe y’all know the reason why already) .
but I honestly had this feeling once I realized she wasn’t there that it was Chloe who felt like if Christi went it would impact Chloe’s ability to “close that chapter of her life”, due to the attention and drama Christi inevitably would bring to herself while there. Maybe this is just me being the kinda dude I am and analyzing Chloe in a way lol but I think that’s possibly the reason, and I think it’s VERY valid.
the only thing is that while Christi was fucking crazy (I actually mostly like her just fyi, tho I also acknowledge that she of course holds things to this day regarding Melissa mostly and then almost as an extension Maddie), I also think her issues with Melissa are just about 100% valid, tho I think at this point there is basically nothing to gain from continuing her campaign of spreading the truth (there is enough proof out there already for the ppl that want to know). Maddie and mackenzie will forever be successful, end of story.
It’s weird, looking at them I actually feel like they are good examples of how any child can become this kind of success with the right pieces in place. It doesn’t matter how talented you are, I honestly think a majority of ppl are talented enough to have the girls‘ success. You just need to be training early and often and possibly being damaged along the way (tho many ppl get damaged with zero success and fame to show for it). So in a sense I actually think this opinion I have aids Christi’s feelings- melissa did shady, manipulative, downright dirty things (TO LITTLE INNOCENT GIRLSSSSS) to get her children ahead Instead of letting it play out in the ‘most’ natural, deserving/earned way possible.
Anyway, lmfao, I think basically thats why she wasn’t there. Chloe said no or I won’t go (how awkward would that be for Christi to explain on tv “my daughter wouldn’t come because I wanted to be here more than let my innocent daughter have the best chance at healing”). I also have a feeling Christi, EVEN WITH ALL OF THIS SUPPORTING CHLOE, was like “well I get to call in then”😅) I also think most of what Christi says is accurate or close enough to be considered fair opinions and to actually wrap this up a little more clearly-
the reason why I even started talking about all of this Christi stuff, just to throw out something to think about, is that Christi, regardless of how insane/over-the-top she can be, also experienced these traumas. She literally experienced the daughter she loved and wanted to help achieve her dreams of being a [whatever those leg kickers are called lol] go through basically a UNIQUE kind of torture- it being unique because it was on National tv and she was the mother who the world viewed as being responsible for her child’s wellbeing, etc. that’s a fucking lot to go through regardless of how imperfect you are. Like imagine trying to fight for your daughter against a system in place that was designed for someone else to be lifted up at the expense of your daughter and the rest. AND all the main pieces of that system, that have the power to dictate how things play out/how you And your child’s future play out, are the exact things that are trying to harm you in shady ass ways and blame you and your daughter for it (ON NAT. TV). and I think what could possibly hurt ‘the most’ (I don’t mean that literally, the trauma will slwYs be a thing) is that everyone seemingly except for Maddie and mackenzie (from the OG’s who created this in the first place) are the only ones to really have had the benefit from the show. I’m guessing the $$ that Chloe or Brooke got wasnt worth it, tho Maddie and Mackenzie’s money/success definitely was.
(AND YOU CANT SAY ABBY OR THE SHOW OR NATURAL TALENT WAS THE KEY because chloe was same as Maddie early, and Mackenzie fucking SUCKED at singing early. Mackenzie is a hottie now tho so I promise I’m not hating. I’m glad she is happy in life for instance.
2024.05.13 23:19 Hungry_Claim_4150 Have I been manipulated?
To start off with I live in a house share of 3 individuals and a dog. One flatmate is extremely antisocial and I am trying to figure out if I have been gaslit.
To give some context I’ve been living with my flatmates partner against my will since September 2023. Both me and my other flatmate tried to make clear we were uncomfortable about this months ago. He is extremely messy and had previously punched other men whilst drunk on more than one occasion. We gave these as reasons for us not wanting to be left alone with him in the house. Instead he was given a house key and it took months for this to be readdressed, any discussions we had were forgotten and messages we would send were ignored. In April 2024 we have been told his housing situation was “tricky” and that the flatmate in question needed him here as he was her only support system. She did not give the option of him moving out but instead told us he might be moving out in May 2024. In those 6 months we have been forced to pay his food bill for weeks (we previously had a communal food supply and had to separate and label our food because she kept feeding him without any contribution ) We have had to clean up continually for them both (both of them are very messy and often left spaces needing to be cleaned before being used.) We are told that because food is now separate bringing this up as an example of her disrespect is unacceptable. I have brought up that it is still extra labor in having to clean more often, and spend more money for cleaning products and was told that isn’t true and that they contribute fairly ( Since discussions of us feeling extremely used he has occasionally replaced coffee and toilet paper, paid bills once as of April 2024, does the dishes and occasionally does the bins) we are the ones doing most of the cleaning and always have done so this is an unfair split of labour in my opinion (the dog is also hers so we are cleaning up after 2 adults and a dog)
Neither of them have attempted to communicate over anything, my flatmates partner turned up one day with his dad and moved his things, when I told my flatmate this was not cool they laughed in my face and made a dismissive joke. Neither of them communicated to us that he had been thrown out of his previous house and would be living here. We would just find him in the house when we were under the impression we were home alone.
I realise I could have spoken to him directly, but for some reason was convinced that it would be snakey towards my flatmate to confront him and ask him why he felt so comfortable to dump his labour onto myself and my other flatmate as a 28yr old grown man, so instead everybody in the house just avoided each other with a very passive aggressive environment, in which we all participated in silent treatment. At its peak myself and the flatmate in question would be shoulder barging each other, which is very toxic and sad.
So far the reason given for him not ever cleaning up after himself was that he did not think it would be appropriate and we created a passive aggressive environment. ( We were very angry in this period, I myself even snapped on occasions where I raised my voice at my flatmate saying cruel things which I am ashamed of. This was in response to me feeling as though I was being used as a personal maid)
To give some more context to my own shitty behaviour spaces in the house were regularly left to a point of being unusable, unless we did it ourselves. This involved a months long flea infestation that was so severe you could not be in the house without being jumped on, we repeatedly tried to address this until the point we just dealt with it ourselves. I have had my TV broken when my flatmate was partying with friends which took months to even be acknowledged and not be told that it was not the right time to ask about it. Myself and my other flatmate have had to buy a separate fridge as we literally could not get our food into the houses shared fridge because we were left little space and were still having to regularly clean out others mouldy food. The dog is extremely reactive, he has anxiety and is often only given 2 or 3 short walks a week and spends the majority of his time in one bedroom, so being in the house with him means constant barking and he has been quite destructive. For months she would leave her dog whilst out partying and ignored all messages trying to bring up this forced labour.
Around this time something in me just broke, I actively tried to be petty and use a tit for tat mentality in how I treated her. This involved a lack of care for her items, refusing to do any labour for her, separating every single little thing, giving each other silent treatment. My OCD had been badly triggered after living in a flea infested house, this caused me to go into overdrive with cleaning where I would snap at any little mess. This was too much from me and it was a little controlling, but the situation was then reframed as me being “controlling” and not allowing my flatmate to ever relax in their house, rather than ever returning to the original upset of forced labour.
(I am going to give an example of a game she enjoyed playing with me here to try and explain what I feel has been done to me. She used to come over and start playfully hitting me, she would then ignore me saying no or stop, then when I blew up she would say don’t talk to me like that and frame it as me being angry and shouting at her inappropriately. I have had to address this with her and she has not played this game with me again, but I’ve seen her do it to someone else since and laugh in their face whilst visibly upsetting them, so I know they still enjoy doing it to others. Though just a silly game, this comfortability with ignoring a no and their ability to genuinely convince herself she hasn’t been given a boundary is one that bleeds into real life. )
On one occasion during an argument regarding labour I shouted at her to ‘fuck off back to neglecting your dog’ and I’m sure there were other things I probably said in an attempt to hurt her as much as I was hurting. I take zero pride in this and am deeply ashamed that I lowered myself to that behaviour. She herself belittled me in front of shared friends telling me “you never do anything for me you only do things for others you do nothing for me” over and over until I left the room. We had a huge row where she came down mid shower (as the hot water goes if multiple taps are on) whilst I was doing her dishes as the kitchen was a complete shit hole. I then told her no I’m not going to stop because i need to use my kitchen, and she told me i was disgusting for banning her from showering I told her she was disgusting for leaving the house as she did (I’m not exactly sure my exact words) she then told me “‘theres no room talking to you when ur like this”. Neither of us were right in this but I am giving it as an example of how toxic it is in the house.
A few days following this I said that if she refuses to discuss anything when she is leaving the house unusable for others and her partner is freeloading that I would report her to the landlord (I am not working on logic at this time but because I have been in fight or flight for months) she then told me it was disgusting to threaten her with homelessness and that she would never do something like that to me. I did not mean it as an intimidation tactic or maybe I did I’m not sure, it’s hard to think logically after being ignored over months.
After the threat I made to contact the landlord we discussed all of this, some of which she acknowledged, we both made an effort to apologise. However she tried to diminish the labour her and her partner purposefully used us for, would not give specifics about him moving out, and refused to apologise for belittling telling me she did not remember and it is not something she would ever say so she doesn’t know what I expect her to do. They told me I was not paying extra or doing more labour with an additional person living here. They have since cleaned the garden of bags of shit and dirty underwear that were left out for months, and made small efforts to be cleaner. However most of the house labour still falls onto us. (Some more context they very recently were injured and no longer can clean right now. This I understand completely however I would be lying if I didn’t feel burdened and obligated to now have to do that labour, or to help them with basic tasks when I can barely look at them without feeling sick, also I am still doing labour for her partner).
We have tried to meet her on every level for a very long time, previously we have had discussions about asking her when she is free rather than just dropping things on her, using a house chat, using a cleaning chart. We have tried to compromise and she has ignored all of these after agreeing to them. When I have gone to ask if she is free I have had her snap ‘what now’ I have seen her roll her eyes to others regarding a cleaning chart she agreed to because others were tired of cleaning for her, ignore all messages in the house chat.
My property has been repeatedly damaged or not taken care of as has others. I’ve had to spend over £100 easily. I am so tired of being ignored, laughed at or given no response at all to continual lack of consideration for others and their boundaries. My reactivity does need to be worked on, yes. However theres only so far people can be pushed before they snap, and I’m terrified that I’m going to break again.
When I’ve discussed this with others who have lived with her to see if they noticed this pattern of behaviour they knew exactly what I was talking about, which worries me.
To sum up I do not feel safe in this house, my back is permanently against the wall as I am just waiting for the next boundary violation at this point. This has already happened in truth as we recently received a letter saying we were overdue for council tax which threatened court if not paid off, I paid off mine and I didn’t bother to ask my flatmate to send over the remaining owed money as I am fed up of having all communication ignored and did not want to wait for her to be bothered to send me the money. If there is something that needs her attention you often need to ask for it to be done over and over which again is labour in the first place. As far as I’m aware this bill is still overdue as I have been completely ignored regarding it.
I do not think she truly realises that she has deeply traumatised myself and my flatmate through giving us no autonomy over who lives in this house or leaving us to care for her dog. My OCD is still pretty bad and being in this house or around her makes my skin crawl. So I guess I am wondering if I have been gaslit? Taking my own toxic behaviour into account I do not know whether I can criticise her or if I am being hypocritical in labelling her as toxic. My memory is too foggy to remember a lot of what has actually happened, but I have this of strong feeling of disillusionment that will not leave. I am stuck in this house until October 2024, and I am trying to just get on with it, but I can’t stop obsessing over what has happened, sometimes it’s all I can think about. I feel too guilty or snakey to contact the landlord as she is a longtime friend and I am afraid she will badmouth me to others if I do so. Is she right that it would be controlling to contact the landlord? I guess I just need to know from someone unaffiliated if reporting her (whilst she is injured and also experiencing a bereavement) after we’ve tried to make amends makes me a cunt? Or if it means I’m just trying to survive?
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read ( I know its a long one 🙄)
submitted by Hungry_Claim_4150 to Manipulation [link] [comments]
To give some context I’ve been living with my flatmates partner against my will since September 2023. Both me and my other flatmate tried to make clear we were uncomfortable about this months ago. He is extremely messy and had previously punched other men whilst drunk on more than one occasion. We gave these as reasons for us not wanting to be left alone with him in the house. Instead he was given a house key and it took months for this to be readdressed, any discussions we had were forgotten and messages we would send were ignored. In April 2024 we have been told his housing situation was “tricky” and that the flatmate in question needed him here as he was her only support system. She did not give the option of him moving out but instead told us he might be moving out in May 2024. In those 6 months we have been forced to pay his food bill for weeks (we previously had a communal food supply and had to separate and label our food because she kept feeding him without any contribution ) We have had to clean up continually for them both (both of them are very messy and often left spaces needing to be cleaned before being used.) We are told that because food is now separate bringing this up as an example of her disrespect is unacceptable. I have brought up that it is still extra labor in having to clean more often, and spend more money for cleaning products and was told that isn’t true and that they contribute fairly ( Since discussions of us feeling extremely used he has occasionally replaced coffee and toilet paper, paid bills once as of April 2024, does the dishes and occasionally does the bins) we are the ones doing most of the cleaning and always have done so this is an unfair split of labour in my opinion (the dog is also hers so we are cleaning up after 2 adults and a dog)
Neither of them have attempted to communicate over anything, my flatmates partner turned up one day with his dad and moved his things, when I told my flatmate this was not cool they laughed in my face and made a dismissive joke. Neither of them communicated to us that he had been thrown out of his previous house and would be living here. We would just find him in the house when we were under the impression we were home alone.
I realise I could have spoken to him directly, but for some reason was convinced that it would be snakey towards my flatmate to confront him and ask him why he felt so comfortable to dump his labour onto myself and my other flatmate as a 28yr old grown man, so instead everybody in the house just avoided each other with a very passive aggressive environment, in which we all participated in silent treatment. At its peak myself and the flatmate in question would be shoulder barging each other, which is very toxic and sad.
So far the reason given for him not ever cleaning up after himself was that he did not think it would be appropriate and we created a passive aggressive environment. ( We were very angry in this period, I myself even snapped on occasions where I raised my voice at my flatmate saying cruel things which I am ashamed of. This was in response to me feeling as though I was being used as a personal maid)
To give some more context to my own shitty behaviour spaces in the house were regularly left to a point of being unusable, unless we did it ourselves. This involved a months long flea infestation that was so severe you could not be in the house without being jumped on, we repeatedly tried to address this until the point we just dealt with it ourselves. I have had my TV broken when my flatmate was partying with friends which took months to even be acknowledged and not be told that it was not the right time to ask about it. Myself and my other flatmate have had to buy a separate fridge as we literally could not get our food into the houses shared fridge because we were left little space and were still having to regularly clean out others mouldy food. The dog is extremely reactive, he has anxiety and is often only given 2 or 3 short walks a week and spends the majority of his time in one bedroom, so being in the house with him means constant barking and he has been quite destructive. For months she would leave her dog whilst out partying and ignored all messages trying to bring up this forced labour.
Around this time something in me just broke, I actively tried to be petty and use a tit for tat mentality in how I treated her. This involved a lack of care for her items, refusing to do any labour for her, separating every single little thing, giving each other silent treatment. My OCD had been badly triggered after living in a flea infested house, this caused me to go into overdrive with cleaning where I would snap at any little mess. This was too much from me and it was a little controlling, but the situation was then reframed as me being “controlling” and not allowing my flatmate to ever relax in their house, rather than ever returning to the original upset of forced labour.
(I am going to give an example of a game she enjoyed playing with me here to try and explain what I feel has been done to me. She used to come over and start playfully hitting me, she would then ignore me saying no or stop, then when I blew up she would say don’t talk to me like that and frame it as me being angry and shouting at her inappropriately. I have had to address this with her and she has not played this game with me again, but I’ve seen her do it to someone else since and laugh in their face whilst visibly upsetting them, so I know they still enjoy doing it to others. Though just a silly game, this comfortability with ignoring a no and their ability to genuinely convince herself she hasn’t been given a boundary is one that bleeds into real life. )
On one occasion during an argument regarding labour I shouted at her to ‘fuck off back to neglecting your dog’ and I’m sure there were other things I probably said in an attempt to hurt her as much as I was hurting. I take zero pride in this and am deeply ashamed that I lowered myself to that behaviour. She herself belittled me in front of shared friends telling me “you never do anything for me you only do things for others you do nothing for me” over and over until I left the room. We had a huge row where she came down mid shower (as the hot water goes if multiple taps are on) whilst I was doing her dishes as the kitchen was a complete shit hole. I then told her no I’m not going to stop because i need to use my kitchen, and she told me i was disgusting for banning her from showering I told her she was disgusting for leaving the house as she did (I’m not exactly sure my exact words) she then told me “‘theres no room talking to you when ur like this”. Neither of us were right in this but I am giving it as an example of how toxic it is in the house.
A few days following this I said that if she refuses to discuss anything when she is leaving the house unusable for others and her partner is freeloading that I would report her to the landlord (I am not working on logic at this time but because I have been in fight or flight for months) she then told me it was disgusting to threaten her with homelessness and that she would never do something like that to me. I did not mean it as an intimidation tactic or maybe I did I’m not sure, it’s hard to think logically after being ignored over months.
After the threat I made to contact the landlord we discussed all of this, some of which she acknowledged, we both made an effort to apologise. However she tried to diminish the labour her and her partner purposefully used us for, would not give specifics about him moving out, and refused to apologise for belittling telling me she did not remember and it is not something she would ever say so she doesn’t know what I expect her to do. They told me I was not paying extra or doing more labour with an additional person living here. They have since cleaned the garden of bags of shit and dirty underwear that were left out for months, and made small efforts to be cleaner. However most of the house labour still falls onto us. (Some more context they very recently were injured and no longer can clean right now. This I understand completely however I would be lying if I didn’t feel burdened and obligated to now have to do that labour, or to help them with basic tasks when I can barely look at them without feeling sick, also I am still doing labour for her partner).
We have tried to meet her on every level for a very long time, previously we have had discussions about asking her when she is free rather than just dropping things on her, using a house chat, using a cleaning chart. We have tried to compromise and she has ignored all of these after agreeing to them. When I have gone to ask if she is free I have had her snap ‘what now’ I have seen her roll her eyes to others regarding a cleaning chart she agreed to because others were tired of cleaning for her, ignore all messages in the house chat.
My property has been repeatedly damaged or not taken care of as has others. I’ve had to spend over £100 easily. I am so tired of being ignored, laughed at or given no response at all to continual lack of consideration for others and their boundaries. My reactivity does need to be worked on, yes. However theres only so far people can be pushed before they snap, and I’m terrified that I’m going to break again.
When I’ve discussed this with others who have lived with her to see if they noticed this pattern of behaviour they knew exactly what I was talking about, which worries me.
To sum up I do not feel safe in this house, my back is permanently against the wall as I am just waiting for the next boundary violation at this point. This has already happened in truth as we recently received a letter saying we were overdue for council tax which threatened court if not paid off, I paid off mine and I didn’t bother to ask my flatmate to send over the remaining owed money as I am fed up of having all communication ignored and did not want to wait for her to be bothered to send me the money. If there is something that needs her attention you often need to ask for it to be done over and over which again is labour in the first place. As far as I’m aware this bill is still overdue as I have been completely ignored regarding it.
I do not think she truly realises that she has deeply traumatised myself and my flatmate through giving us no autonomy over who lives in this house or leaving us to care for her dog. My OCD is still pretty bad and being in this house or around her makes my skin crawl. So I guess I am wondering if I have been gaslit? Taking my own toxic behaviour into account I do not know whether I can criticise her or if I am being hypocritical in labelling her as toxic. My memory is too foggy to remember a lot of what has actually happened, but I have this of strong feeling of disillusionment that will not leave. I am stuck in this house until October 2024, and I am trying to just get on with it, but I can’t stop obsessing over what has happened, sometimes it’s all I can think about. I feel too guilty or snakey to contact the landlord as she is a longtime friend and I am afraid she will badmouth me to others if I do so. Is she right that it would be controlling to contact the landlord? I guess I just need to know from someone unaffiliated if reporting her (whilst she is injured and also experiencing a bereavement) after we’ve tried to make amends makes me a cunt? Or if it means I’m just trying to survive?
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read ( I know its a long one 🙄)
2024.05.13 22:27 CatOwn9840 The Ultimate Guide to Choosing the Best IPTV Provider, Tips and recommendations
Navigating the world of IPTV can be complex, especially for sports enthusiasts. I've put together this post to simplify the process and guide you towards the best IPTV provider for 2024, focusing on BuyIPTV8k.com, a top choice based on community feedback and my own experience.
But first, let's delve into what IPTV is all about.
Understanding IPTV: What Makes BuyIPTV8k.com Stand Out
IPTV, or Internet Protocol Television, revolutionizes TV viewing by delivering content over the internet. The key to an exceptional experience lies in selecting a provider that offers stability, diverse channel options, and seamless streaming.
Why BuyIPTV8k.com Stands Out:
When selecting an IPTV provider, consider factors like location, device compatibility, and streaming quality. BuyIPTV8k.com offers a seamless experience across various devices and locations, ensuring you never miss your favorite shows or games.
Test it Out: Experience BuyIPTV8k.com Today
Curious to see if BuyIPTV8k.com lives up to the hype? Sign up now for a free trial and witness the difference yourself. Don't settle for anything less than the best when it comes to your IPTV experience.
Upgrade Your Entertainment: Choose BuyIPTV8k.com for Unmatched Quality and Service.
submitted by CatOwn9840 to Streamen [link] [comments]
But first, let's delve into what IPTV is all about.
Understanding IPTV: What Makes BuyIPTV8k.com Stand Out
IPTV, or Internet Protocol Television, revolutionizes TV viewing by delivering content over the internet. The key to an exceptional experience lies in selecting a provider that offers stability, diverse channel options, and seamless streaming.
Why BuyIPTV8k.com Stands Out:
- Premium Service: Enjoy over 23,000 channels and impeccable customer support.
- Stability and Variety: With BuyIPTV8k.com, you get both stability and a wide array of channels to choose from.
- Cutting-Edge Technology: Benefit from 8K resolution streaming, providing unparalleled clarity and immersion.
- Comprehensive Sports Coverage: Whether it's global sports streaming or local matches, BuyIPTV8k.com has you covered.
When selecting an IPTV provider, consider factors like location, device compatibility, and streaming quality. BuyIPTV8k.com offers a seamless experience across various devices and locations, ensuring you never miss your favorite shows or games.
Test it Out: Experience BuyIPTV8k.com Today
Curious to see if BuyIPTV8k.com lives up to the hype? Sign up now for a free trial and witness the difference yourself. Don't settle for anything less than the best when it comes to your IPTV experience.
Upgrade Your Entertainment: Choose BuyIPTV8k.com for Unmatched Quality and Service.
2024.05.13 22:24 Embire Disney and Warner Bros Discovery Reinvent Cable: A New Era in Streaming
In a groundbreaking move, Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are reshaping the entertainment landscape by blending traditional cable TV with modern streaming services. This innovative approach creates a new hybrid model that merges the best aspects of both worlds, offering a fresh way for audiences to enjoy content.
A Hybrid Approach
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are utilizing their extensive libraries to create subscription-based services that combine the structure of cable TV with the flexibility of streaming. These services offer curated channels, live programming, and vast on-demand libraries, providing a comprehensive entertainment experience that caters to a variety of viewer preferences.
Key Drivers
Several factors are driving this transformation:
Advanced technology plays a crucial role in this new model. AI and sophisticated algorithms personalize the viewing experience, providing tailored recommendations and integrating live programming seamlessly. This technological backbone ensures a dynamic and engaging platform for users.
Industry Impact
The move by Disney and Warner Bros Discovery is likely to have significant effects on the media industry. Competitors may be compelled to innovate and adapt, leading to an overall improvement in how content is delivered and consumed. Traditional cable providers and smaller streaming services will need to rethink their strategies to remain competitive.
Benefits for Consumers
Consumers stand to gain significantly from this hybrid approach. They will enjoy the curated, predictable nature of cable TV along with the expansive on-demand libraries of streaming services. This model aims to reduce the overwhelming choice paralysis often associated with modern streaming platforms while maintaining the flexibility viewers have come to expect.
Conclusion
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are pioneering a new era in entertainment by merging the strengths of cable TV with the conveniences of streaming. This innovative approach not only enhances the viewing experience for consumers but also sets a new standard for the industry. As these companies lead the way, the future of media consumption looks more integrated and user-friendly than ever before.
submitted by Embire to TechTwo [link] [comments]
A Hybrid Approach
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are utilizing their extensive libraries to create subscription-based services that combine the structure of cable TV with the flexibility of streaming. These services offer curated channels, live programming, and vast on-demand libraries, providing a comprehensive entertainment experience that caters to a variety of viewer preferences.
Key Drivers
Several factors are driving this transformation:
- Content Volume: Both companies possess vast catalogs of movies, TV shows, and exclusive content. By presenting these offerings in a cable-like format, they can maximize the value of their extensive libraries.
- Viewer Preferences: Many consumers still appreciate the organized and predictable nature of scheduled programming. This new model offers the simplicity of cable TV while retaining the flexibility of streaming.
- Revenue Potential: The hybrid model creates multiple revenue streams, including subscription fees, advertising, and premium add-ons, allowing the companies to optimize their monetization strategies.
Advanced technology plays a crucial role in this new model. AI and sophisticated algorithms personalize the viewing experience, providing tailored recommendations and integrating live programming seamlessly. This technological backbone ensures a dynamic and engaging platform for users.
Industry Impact
The move by Disney and Warner Bros Discovery is likely to have significant effects on the media industry. Competitors may be compelled to innovate and adapt, leading to an overall improvement in how content is delivered and consumed. Traditional cable providers and smaller streaming services will need to rethink their strategies to remain competitive.
Benefits for Consumers
Consumers stand to gain significantly from this hybrid approach. They will enjoy the curated, predictable nature of cable TV along with the expansive on-demand libraries of streaming services. This model aims to reduce the overwhelming choice paralysis often associated with modern streaming platforms while maintaining the flexibility viewers have come to expect.
Conclusion
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are pioneering a new era in entertainment by merging the strengths of cable TV with the conveniences of streaming. This innovative approach not only enhances the viewing experience for consumers but also sets a new standard for the industry. As these companies lead the way, the future of media consumption looks more integrated and user-friendly than ever before.
2024.05.13 22:22 Embire Disney and Warner Bros Discovery Reinvent Cable: A New Era of Streaming
In a bold move that has sent ripples through the entertainment industry, Disney and Warner Bros Discovery have effectively reinvented cable, merging traditional television concepts with modern streaming services. This initiative marks a significant shift in the media landscape, blurring the lines between conventional cable and on-demand streaming.
The New Paradigm
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are integrating their vast libraries of content into streamlined, subscription-based services that mimic the structure of cable TV but with the flexibility and convenience of streaming. This approach offers curated channels and live programming, alongside the extensive on-demand libraries that streaming platforms are known for. The aim is to provide a one-stop-shop for entertainment, catering to a wide range of viewer preferences and habits.
Driving Factors
Several key factors are driving this transformation:
The technological backbone of this new model is crucial. Advanced algorithms and AI are employed to create personalized viewing experiences, dynamically adjusting recommendations based on viewer preferences. Additionally, live programming and events are seamlessly integrated into the platform, offering viewers a sense of immediacy and community that traditional streaming services often lack.
Industry Impact
This strategic shift by Disney and Warner Bros Discovery is likely to have far-reaching implications for the broader media landscape. Competitors may feel pressure to innovate and adapt, leading to an overall enhancement in how content is delivered and consumed. Smaller streaming services and traditional cable providers might need to rethink their strategies to stay relevant in this evolving market.
Consumer Perspective
For consumers, the benefits are manifold. They get the best of both worlds: the curated, predictable nature of cable, combined with the expansive, on-demand library of streaming services. This hybrid model aims to reduce the overwhelming choice paralysis that often accompanies modern streaming platforms while maintaining the flexibility that viewers have come to expect.
Conclusion
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery's initiative to reinvent cable through their streaming services is a testament to their ability to adapt and innovate in a rapidly changing industry. By merging the strengths of traditional television with the conveniences of streaming, they are setting a new standard for how entertainment is delivered and consumed. This move not only benefits consumers but also sets a precedent for the future of media consumption.
submitted by Embire to DevelopingStory [link] [comments]
The New Paradigm
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery are integrating their vast libraries of content into streamlined, subscription-based services that mimic the structure of cable TV but with the flexibility and convenience of streaming. This approach offers curated channels and live programming, alongside the extensive on-demand libraries that streaming platforms are known for. The aim is to provide a one-stop-shop for entertainment, catering to a wide range of viewer preferences and habits.
Driving Factors
Several key factors are driving this transformation:
- Content Abundance: Both Disney and Warner Bros Discovery boast extensive catalogs of movies, TV shows, and exclusive content. By packaging these offerings into a more traditional cable-like format, they can better leverage their vast content libraries.
- Consumer Demand: There is a growing demand for a more organized and predictable viewing experience. While the freedom to choose from a massive selection is appealing, many consumers still crave the simplicity and reliability of scheduled programming.
- Revenue Optimization: By combining the best elements of cable and streaming, these companies can potentially unlock new revenue streams. Subscription fees, advertising, and premium add-ons create multiple avenues for monetization.
The technological backbone of this new model is crucial. Advanced algorithms and AI are employed to create personalized viewing experiences, dynamically adjusting recommendations based on viewer preferences. Additionally, live programming and events are seamlessly integrated into the platform, offering viewers a sense of immediacy and community that traditional streaming services often lack.
Industry Impact
This strategic shift by Disney and Warner Bros Discovery is likely to have far-reaching implications for the broader media landscape. Competitors may feel pressure to innovate and adapt, leading to an overall enhancement in how content is delivered and consumed. Smaller streaming services and traditional cable providers might need to rethink their strategies to stay relevant in this evolving market.
Consumer Perspective
For consumers, the benefits are manifold. They get the best of both worlds: the curated, predictable nature of cable, combined with the expansive, on-demand library of streaming services. This hybrid model aims to reduce the overwhelming choice paralysis that often accompanies modern streaming platforms while maintaining the flexibility that viewers have come to expect.
Conclusion
Disney and Warner Bros Discovery's initiative to reinvent cable through their streaming services is a testament to their ability to adapt and innovate in a rapidly changing industry. By merging the strengths of traditional television with the conveniences of streaming, they are setting a new standard for how entertainment is delivered and consumed. This move not only benefits consumers but also sets a precedent for the future of media consumption.
2024.05.13 22:06 Bad_Mr_Kitty Can we talk distraction techniques?
Hello all,
I have a whole arsenal of distraction techniques that I use when the urge is upon me. I thought it might be helpful to compile a list together, maybe we will find things we haven’t thought about.
Here are mine:
General - Fidget Toys - Face masks/Skincare - Scented Wax Melts/Incense Sticks - Meditation app (Headspace but I also like Calm) - Journalling (I use a notebook and pen and a prompted journal app for the days I find it tricky to free-write) - Reddit!
Music: - Punk Pop Playlists - Musical Theatre playlists - Happy Hits playlists - Chill Out Acoustic Playlists - Classical Music Playlists
Crafts - Colouring Books and pens/pencils - various so I have something depending on my mood - Scrapbooking supplies and photos - Creative writing notebooks - I find poetry really helpful
Books - Mainly Urban Fantasy - Simon R Green, Jim Butcher, Keri Arthur - Some ‘Chick lit’ or humour - Marian Keyes, Monica Hersey
TV Programmes - Animated shows - Simpsons, Bobs Burgers - Crime Shows - NCIS, Criminal Minds, CSI - Comedy - mainly old school Brit comedy
Podcasts - British Scandals - Wondery - Unsolved Murders - Parcast - Conspiracy Theories - Parcast
I use these things on rotation or sometimes in unison to help distract from urges. Most of my urges last between 25 - 30 mins so as long as I’m distracted for that long I can usually get past the urge. I would love to hear what others use and have found helpful!
submitted by Bad_Mr_Kitty to BingeEatingDisorder [link] [comments]
I have a whole arsenal of distraction techniques that I use when the urge is upon me. I thought it might be helpful to compile a list together, maybe we will find things we haven’t thought about.
Here are mine:
General - Fidget Toys - Face masks/Skincare - Scented Wax Melts/Incense Sticks - Meditation app (Headspace but I also like Calm) - Journalling (I use a notebook and pen and a prompted journal app for the days I find it tricky to free-write) - Reddit!
Music: - Punk Pop Playlists - Musical Theatre playlists - Happy Hits playlists - Chill Out Acoustic Playlists - Classical Music Playlists
Crafts - Colouring Books and pens/pencils - various so I have something depending on my mood - Scrapbooking supplies and photos - Creative writing notebooks - I find poetry really helpful
Books - Mainly Urban Fantasy - Simon R Green, Jim Butcher, Keri Arthur - Some ‘Chick lit’ or humour - Marian Keyes, Monica Hersey
TV Programmes - Animated shows - Simpsons, Bobs Burgers - Crime Shows - NCIS, Criminal Minds, CSI - Comedy - mainly old school Brit comedy
Podcasts - British Scandals - Wondery - Unsolved Murders - Parcast - Conspiracy Theories - Parcast
I use these things on rotation or sometimes in unison to help distract from urges. Most of my urges last between 25 - 30 mins so as long as I’m distracted for that long I can usually get past the urge. I would love to hear what others use and have found helpful!
2024.05.13 21:56 ITXEnjoyer 14.5 Sonoma on £88 ($110 US) broken eBay Intel Nuc 8 after repair.
 | Bought a faulty tall-boi Nuc 8 i5 from eBay which was being sold for parts/not working. Already had spare parts from an old Nuc build I'd transferred into an Akasa Turing for a friend and added 32GB of DDR4 and a 1TB NVME drive left over from an old laptop I no longer own. submitted by ITXEnjoyer to hackintosh [link] [comments] About this hack Specs:
Repair wise, I replaced the fan, RAM, SSD and rebuilt it into the left over Nuc8i5 slim case from the project mentioned above. Very happy with the eBay bargain and the ability to fix it up, get MacOS on there and tinker with it. The eBay listing: Got to stop buying broken things on eBay... Thanks to: For making this all possible. Absolute wealth of knowledge out there. |
2024.05.13 21:43 shatteringreality2 I don't want kids yet, but my wife does
To start, my wife (31f) and I (31m) have been together 5 years and married 2. We have an amazing relationship and I cannot imagine a life without her and our two dogs. We love to travel, spend time together and we are basically best friends. We work from home on our business and spend most of our time together (well at least in the house, I am usually on my computer and she does house stuff and watches TV).
We have been trying for a baby for a year now without success, I convinced myself that it would be nice to have a child who we can raise, mostly because she wants one so much. But I have finally confronted this feeling that deep down I still want to be free, travel more, have more fun and that I do not want a child, YET. I told her yesterday how I really feel, we had a fertility appointment that I just cancelled which we were supposed to go to today. I have had this feeling deep down that I am not ready yet, and just came to realization that this was what has been bothering me. I have voiced this opinion many times before convincing myself that maybe I do want a child. I started to believe that maybe a child isn't so bad because we both have caring parents who could watch out kids if we go on a vacation/out but that honestly sounds a bit delusional on my part. We have all the freedom in the world right now and we have been taking advantage of it by going to Mexico for a month, Japan, Europe in the last year and I just don't want this to end.
She wants a baby because she is convinced that she is getting way too old to have a child and that her time is running out + she doesn't want to be old raising children, and I totally get that, but I am also feeling immense pressure to satisfy her needs without really questioning it since I love her so much. I just wish we could wait a little longer and settle more (buying a house, figuring out our finances, enjoy life).
I tried to talk to her about it just now but she shut down and won't talk to me. I offered that we should try marriage counseling but she doesn't seem to want to/mad at me at the moment and won't listen. Maybe we can get some good advice on how to proceed with this. Hopefully she will listen to me and we can see what a therapist would say and we can try this FIRST before we bring a child into our life. She just took the keys and went out.
I realize it's wrong for me to have gotten cold feet like this all of a sudden, but I honestly did not figure out what was this "looming shadow" I had deep in my head until I actually thought about it and finally it clicked.
Like I said, I believe I will get around to wanting to become a father, just not yet.. There is too much fun I still want to have, preferably with her, without shackling us down.
What should we do?
submitted by shatteringreality2 to Marriage [link] [comments]
We have been trying for a baby for a year now without success, I convinced myself that it would be nice to have a child who we can raise, mostly because she wants one so much. But I have finally confronted this feeling that deep down I still want to be free, travel more, have more fun and that I do not want a child, YET. I told her yesterday how I really feel, we had a fertility appointment that I just cancelled which we were supposed to go to today. I have had this feeling deep down that I am not ready yet, and just came to realization that this was what has been bothering me. I have voiced this opinion many times before convincing myself that maybe I do want a child. I started to believe that maybe a child isn't so bad because we both have caring parents who could watch out kids if we go on a vacation/out but that honestly sounds a bit delusional on my part. We have all the freedom in the world right now and we have been taking advantage of it by going to Mexico for a month, Japan, Europe in the last year and I just don't want this to end.
She wants a baby because she is convinced that she is getting way too old to have a child and that her time is running out + she doesn't want to be old raising children, and I totally get that, but I am also feeling immense pressure to satisfy her needs without really questioning it since I love her so much. I just wish we could wait a little longer and settle more (buying a house, figuring out our finances, enjoy life).
I tried to talk to her about it just now but she shut down and won't talk to me. I offered that we should try marriage counseling but she doesn't seem to want to/mad at me at the moment and won't listen. Maybe we can get some good advice on how to proceed with this. Hopefully she will listen to me and we can see what a therapist would say and we can try this FIRST before we bring a child into our life. She just took the keys and went out.
I realize it's wrong for me to have gotten cold feet like this all of a sudden, but I honestly did not figure out what was this "looming shadow" I had deep in my head until I actually thought about it and finally it clicked.
Like I said, I believe I will get around to wanting to become a father, just not yet.. There is too much fun I still want to have, preferably with her, without shackling us down.
What should we do?
2024.05.13 21:34 shadow_spinner0 The Problem with Keyshawn
When he sounds salty towards the Nuggets it's bad TV and not how an analyst should conduct themselves. Problem is Keyshawn is thinking as a Lakers fan. Of course a fan would be salty and want Denver to lose. But that shouldn't spill into your job as an objective analyst. A lot of Key's "analysis" and discussions comes from feelings and rarely does he offer objective narratives. It's bad in football but terrible in basketball since he doesn't know ball. So when he's there saying "I wanted Denver to get swept" it's kind of jarring. Instead of pretending and at least giving reasons why you think the Wolves should win, which is how how Skip would make his arguments even if we all see through them, just outright saying you hope a team loses is not what an analyst should say on air.
submitted by shadow_spinner0 to UndisputedFS1 [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 21:30 hunter180 There's something wrong with my laptop
I’m typing this on my phone because I’m too scared to use my laptop. I threw it into the back of my closet and covered it with clothes to try to dampen the high-pitched ringing sound it keeps emitting, but I can still faintly hear it from where I’m sitting in the living room. I tried shutting it down – it wouldn’t turn off. Doesn’t restart either. I closed the screen but that didn’t do anything. Tried to let the battery die and once it hit 0%, it stayed on as if it were fully charged. This thing can’t be turned off. I’m sure this all sounds silly and nobody is going to believe me, but there is something wrong with my laptop.
The easiest option would be to just get rid of it but I’m tight on cash and my job requires a laptop. I’m a marketing assistant at a small creative agency. It’s not the most glamorous job, I mostly fill out grids and review decks but it took me nearly a year to find this position. It’s completely remote which is a plus, the benefits are decent, and the pay is low but it’s something.
I was hired about a month ago. I hadn’t bought a laptop since 2017 and I wore out my last one so badly it basically refused to hold a charge and had to be plugged in all the time. I thought it made sense to get a new one – a new job, a fresh laptop, the beginning of a new career era. All the new Apple models are insanely overpriced, well above my price range. I could buy a new one in a few months after I save up a bit, but I needed something asap.
I browsed the internet and found a used electronics site. They refurbish phones and laptops and resell them at an affordable price – perfect. I found a 2022 Mac, placed the order, and it was delivered less than a day later. I actually think there were only three hours between purchasing the laptop and it showing up on my doorstep.
Excited to get it set up, I ripped open the box and sitting atop the neatly packaged laptop was a jet black business card with small white lettering in an odd font choice.
HANTER’s REFURBISHMENTS
Thank you for supporting small businesses. Enjoy your product.
609-3006
Ignoring the card, I threw it away and dug into the laptop. Beautifully dark brushed metal, no trace of fingerprints anywhere. It looked almost new save for a couple of scratches on the underside. I plugged it in, turned it on, made a new user profile, and clicked through the setup guide. The setup screen faded away and the preloaded wallpaper appeared. It didn’t really look like the typical Apple wallpapers that we’re all familiar with. Not Big Sur or the Sierra Nevada’s. It was a landscape photo of a farmhouse sitting in a field of tall yellowing grass, a single oak tree bending its awkward limbs over the decaying porch. There was some dark beauty to it. The sunset behind the farmhouse cast bands of golden light on the grass making it appear as if it were shimmering. Maybe it was taken on the East Coast? Some farm in New England? Didn’t really matter to me. I had a new laptop and it was working perfectly. I gave my ancient 2017 one a quick eulogy and tossed it.
– – –
- Good morning! Marie needs the TOOTHPASTE deck to go out by EOD for client review.
-- Morning! Got it, should be ready by afternoon. I’ll upload it to Monday and ping you when it’s up.
- Thanks!! :)
The first time I noticed something was the next day. I was sitting at my desk going over my bosses notes on a deck for some toothpaste commercial when I minimized my Chrome window and saw something I hadn’t noticed before. On the front porch of the farmhouse was a figure sitting in a rocking chair. I brought my face closer to the screen to try to make out any details but the farmhouse was so far in the distance, the scale of the figure was smaller than the cursor. It was so tiny I guess I just hadn’t noticed the day before. It’s not like anyone really stares at their computer wallpaper. The figure had a pale white face and was draped in some sort of black cloak but again it was so tiny I was basically making guesses. I shrugged it off and went back to Outlook to keep working – I had a deadline to meet.
My bedroom darkened as evening fell, the only source of light being the blue glow of my laptop. I uploaded the deck and sent a note back to Marie to let her know I was finished. I’d gotten so caught up in the day that I had forgotten about the figure in the rocking chair. I went back to the wallpaper and studied the landscape again before deciding to just change it to another preloaded one. Something less spooky. I chose a sunrise off a blue coastline.
I love watching Netflix in bed as I fall asleep, so that night I got comfortable and logged in on my laptop to put some Arrested Development on. I must’ve been exhausted because I fell asleep almost immediately. I always just end up sleeping with my laptop either next to me on my comforter or on my nightstand and let the episodes keep going until Netflix realizes I’m no longer watching. I guess that must've happened, but at around 3:00a I bolted awake to a screeching ringing tone coming from my laptop. It was ear piercingly loud, almost at an unbelievable volume for a laptop. Gone was Arrested Development, the laptop screen was static white like an old VHS tv, illuminating my otherwise pitch black bedroom in a cloudy light. I scrambled to turn the volume down, afraid my neighbors would come banging on my front door, but the sound stopped as quickly as it had begun. The screen went dark, the room went dark, the night got quiet.
I sat and stared bewildered in a drowsy daze at my laptop, the quiet hum of cicadas in the night outside, when suddenly it felt as if I were being watched…. I could barely see my own hand in front of me. The night seemed darker than usual…I slowly turned over my shoulder to the open door of my bedroom and in the darkness I could just make out the faint silhouette of a hunched figure standing right outside the doorway. Staring right at me. My blood chilled, I froze. I fumbled for the lamp on my nightstand and turned it on. Warm light extinguished the blackness. Nothing in the doorway…just the long stretch of hallway to the living room. It felt kind of similar to that movie that came out last year, Skinamarink. You sit in the darkness of your bedroom long enough that suddenly you start seeing things in the inky black. I thought it was nothing, but I swear I could make out the faintest trace of a pale white face grinning at me.
The next day I’m back to work as usual, tired from the night before. I clicked out of Chrome to my desktop to open up Adobe when I noticed the farmhouse wallpaper was back… It had changed by itself. It wasn’t exactly the one from yesterday though, no, the figure wasn’t in the rocking chair anymore. Instead, the figure had moved off the porch and was now standing in the field, closer to where the photographer would be. I could really make it out now. A pale white grinning face with distended lips, rotting teeth. That wasn’t the worst part though. Where its eyes should be were instead empty pockets of nothing. Just completely grotesque, definitely not a fucking preloaded wallpaper for a laptop. I changed it back to the beach and dug around in my trash can for the refurbishment card that came with the package. I wasn’t going to wait around to see what happened. Maybe one of the tech guys there was playing a trick and had programmed some jump scares into the computer or something? Maybe that’s something they do. Similar to jailbreaking an iPhone or pretending to control someone's computer remotely. I don’t know.
I found the card and dialed the number. It rang once before a young woman with a pleasant voice picked up.
- “Hi, Hanter’s Refurbishments! How may I help you?”
-- “Um hey I recently ordered a laptop. It came the other day and setup was normal but there’s something going on with the wallpaper. I changed it but then it changed back by itself and the photo –.”
- “One moment let me place you on a brief hold. Thank you!”
I hadn’t even finished speaking when she cut me off and put me on hold. Hold music began playing, some upbeat jingle shrill enough to drive anyone insane. I sat on hold for twenty minutes, then an hour. I ended the call and tried again, went through the same motions with the same woman only to continuously be placed on hold. Maybe they were really backed up with calls and other people experiencing issues with their orders. I called again and instead of the woman answering, an automated voice greeted me and sent me to hold immediately. Fuck it. I decided to wait it out. The fucking jingle was boring a hole into my head – the most annoyingly enthusiastic hold music. I could’ve strangled someone.
Suddenly the music stopped. Finally, someone was becoming available to help me. But instead of the call being redirected to a person, the automated voice returned with a simple
“Goodbye!”
And the call dropped.
I screamed, I literally screamed out of agony, out of pure fucking frustration.
I turned back to my laptop. The wallpaper changed itself again, back to the farmhouse and the pale faced thing. It moved in the field again. It was getting closer. Gaping holes for eyes, distended lips wet with saliva. It looked like it was laughing at my misery.
I left my laptop closed on my desk that night. No Netflix tonight, I needed to sleep and didn’t want the computer near me. I scrolled on TikTok for a bit before I dozed off…
The jingle woke me.
The fucking hold music. I picked up my phone in my fatigue thinking maybe Hanter’s was calling me back. It wasn’t coming from my phone. It was coming from my closed laptop.
I looked to the doorway, thinking the figure from the night before would be back, before getting out of bed and crossing to my laptop to shut it off. I opened the laptop and a wave of nausea crashed over me. The pale faced thing was even closer. The farmhouse was barely visible now, its face nearly filling the entire screen. Still grinning, still laughing. Bits of red stuff wedged in its teeth.
No matter how many times I held the power button, nothing was happening. It wasn’t shutting down, the jingle wasn’t stopping.
I fucking cracked. At that point I didn’t give a fuck if I needed the laptop for work. I picked it up and smashed it on the floor. Threw it again and again till the screen was shattered and keys were flying off. I just needed the jingle to stop and the pale face to be gone. I threw it down one last time with a final blow, satisfied with the damage I’d caused.
I picked the laptop up thinking it would be dead, but the screen was still glowing with light. Through the splintered glass of the screen I could see the farmhouse, the field of yellowing grass, the rocking chair, the oak tree – everything was there except for the pale faced thing. As if my havoc had caused it to flee the wallpaper.
The screen flickered off. The room went black. The cicadas outside filled the silence.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up.
It felt as if I were being watched.
submitted by hunter180 to nosleep [link] [comments]
The easiest option would be to just get rid of it but I’m tight on cash and my job requires a laptop. I’m a marketing assistant at a small creative agency. It’s not the most glamorous job, I mostly fill out grids and review decks but it took me nearly a year to find this position. It’s completely remote which is a plus, the benefits are decent, and the pay is low but it’s something.
I was hired about a month ago. I hadn’t bought a laptop since 2017 and I wore out my last one so badly it basically refused to hold a charge and had to be plugged in all the time. I thought it made sense to get a new one – a new job, a fresh laptop, the beginning of a new career era. All the new Apple models are insanely overpriced, well above my price range. I could buy a new one in a few months after I save up a bit, but I needed something asap.
I browsed the internet and found a used electronics site. They refurbish phones and laptops and resell them at an affordable price – perfect. I found a 2022 Mac, placed the order, and it was delivered less than a day later. I actually think there were only three hours between purchasing the laptop and it showing up on my doorstep.
Excited to get it set up, I ripped open the box and sitting atop the neatly packaged laptop was a jet black business card with small white lettering in an odd font choice.
HANTER’s REFURBISHMENTS
Thank you for supporting small businesses. Enjoy your product.
609-3006
Ignoring the card, I threw it away and dug into the laptop. Beautifully dark brushed metal, no trace of fingerprints anywhere. It looked almost new save for a couple of scratches on the underside. I plugged it in, turned it on, made a new user profile, and clicked through the setup guide. The setup screen faded away and the preloaded wallpaper appeared. It didn’t really look like the typical Apple wallpapers that we’re all familiar with. Not Big Sur or the Sierra Nevada’s. It was a landscape photo of a farmhouse sitting in a field of tall yellowing grass, a single oak tree bending its awkward limbs over the decaying porch. There was some dark beauty to it. The sunset behind the farmhouse cast bands of golden light on the grass making it appear as if it were shimmering. Maybe it was taken on the East Coast? Some farm in New England? Didn’t really matter to me. I had a new laptop and it was working perfectly. I gave my ancient 2017 one a quick eulogy and tossed it.
– – –
- Good morning! Marie needs the TOOTHPASTE deck to go out by EOD for client review.
-- Morning! Got it, should be ready by afternoon. I’ll upload it to Monday and ping you when it’s up.
- Thanks!! :)
The first time I noticed something was the next day. I was sitting at my desk going over my bosses notes on a deck for some toothpaste commercial when I minimized my Chrome window and saw something I hadn’t noticed before. On the front porch of the farmhouse was a figure sitting in a rocking chair. I brought my face closer to the screen to try to make out any details but the farmhouse was so far in the distance, the scale of the figure was smaller than the cursor. It was so tiny I guess I just hadn’t noticed the day before. It’s not like anyone really stares at their computer wallpaper. The figure had a pale white face and was draped in some sort of black cloak but again it was so tiny I was basically making guesses. I shrugged it off and went back to Outlook to keep working – I had a deadline to meet.
My bedroom darkened as evening fell, the only source of light being the blue glow of my laptop. I uploaded the deck and sent a note back to Marie to let her know I was finished. I’d gotten so caught up in the day that I had forgotten about the figure in the rocking chair. I went back to the wallpaper and studied the landscape again before deciding to just change it to another preloaded one. Something less spooky. I chose a sunrise off a blue coastline.
I love watching Netflix in bed as I fall asleep, so that night I got comfortable and logged in on my laptop to put some Arrested Development on. I must’ve been exhausted because I fell asleep almost immediately. I always just end up sleeping with my laptop either next to me on my comforter or on my nightstand and let the episodes keep going until Netflix realizes I’m no longer watching. I guess that must've happened, but at around 3:00a I bolted awake to a screeching ringing tone coming from my laptop. It was ear piercingly loud, almost at an unbelievable volume for a laptop. Gone was Arrested Development, the laptop screen was static white like an old VHS tv, illuminating my otherwise pitch black bedroom in a cloudy light. I scrambled to turn the volume down, afraid my neighbors would come banging on my front door, but the sound stopped as quickly as it had begun. The screen went dark, the room went dark, the night got quiet.
I sat and stared bewildered in a drowsy daze at my laptop, the quiet hum of cicadas in the night outside, when suddenly it felt as if I were being watched…. I could barely see my own hand in front of me. The night seemed darker than usual…I slowly turned over my shoulder to the open door of my bedroom and in the darkness I could just make out the faint silhouette of a hunched figure standing right outside the doorway. Staring right at me. My blood chilled, I froze. I fumbled for the lamp on my nightstand and turned it on. Warm light extinguished the blackness. Nothing in the doorway…just the long stretch of hallway to the living room. It felt kind of similar to that movie that came out last year, Skinamarink. You sit in the darkness of your bedroom long enough that suddenly you start seeing things in the inky black. I thought it was nothing, but I swear I could make out the faintest trace of a pale white face grinning at me.
The next day I’m back to work as usual, tired from the night before. I clicked out of Chrome to my desktop to open up Adobe when I noticed the farmhouse wallpaper was back… It had changed by itself. It wasn’t exactly the one from yesterday though, no, the figure wasn’t in the rocking chair anymore. Instead, the figure had moved off the porch and was now standing in the field, closer to where the photographer would be. I could really make it out now. A pale white grinning face with distended lips, rotting teeth. That wasn’t the worst part though. Where its eyes should be were instead empty pockets of nothing. Just completely grotesque, definitely not a fucking preloaded wallpaper for a laptop. I changed it back to the beach and dug around in my trash can for the refurbishment card that came with the package. I wasn’t going to wait around to see what happened. Maybe one of the tech guys there was playing a trick and had programmed some jump scares into the computer or something? Maybe that’s something they do. Similar to jailbreaking an iPhone or pretending to control someone's computer remotely. I don’t know.
I found the card and dialed the number. It rang once before a young woman with a pleasant voice picked up.
- “Hi, Hanter’s Refurbishments! How may I help you?”
-- “Um hey I recently ordered a laptop. It came the other day and setup was normal but there’s something going on with the wallpaper. I changed it but then it changed back by itself and the photo –.”
- “One moment let me place you on a brief hold. Thank you!”
I hadn’t even finished speaking when she cut me off and put me on hold. Hold music began playing, some upbeat jingle shrill enough to drive anyone insane. I sat on hold for twenty minutes, then an hour. I ended the call and tried again, went through the same motions with the same woman only to continuously be placed on hold. Maybe they were really backed up with calls and other people experiencing issues with their orders. I called again and instead of the woman answering, an automated voice greeted me and sent me to hold immediately. Fuck it. I decided to wait it out. The fucking jingle was boring a hole into my head – the most annoyingly enthusiastic hold music. I could’ve strangled someone.
Suddenly the music stopped. Finally, someone was becoming available to help me. But instead of the call being redirected to a person, the automated voice returned with a simple
“Goodbye!”
And the call dropped.
I screamed, I literally screamed out of agony, out of pure fucking frustration.
I turned back to my laptop. The wallpaper changed itself again, back to the farmhouse and the pale faced thing. It moved in the field again. It was getting closer. Gaping holes for eyes, distended lips wet with saliva. It looked like it was laughing at my misery.
I left my laptop closed on my desk that night. No Netflix tonight, I needed to sleep and didn’t want the computer near me. I scrolled on TikTok for a bit before I dozed off…
The jingle woke me.
The fucking hold music. I picked up my phone in my fatigue thinking maybe Hanter’s was calling me back. It wasn’t coming from my phone. It was coming from my closed laptop.
I looked to the doorway, thinking the figure from the night before would be back, before getting out of bed and crossing to my laptop to shut it off. I opened the laptop and a wave of nausea crashed over me. The pale faced thing was even closer. The farmhouse was barely visible now, its face nearly filling the entire screen. Still grinning, still laughing. Bits of red stuff wedged in its teeth.
No matter how many times I held the power button, nothing was happening. It wasn’t shutting down, the jingle wasn’t stopping.
I fucking cracked. At that point I didn’t give a fuck if I needed the laptop for work. I picked it up and smashed it on the floor. Threw it again and again till the screen was shattered and keys were flying off. I just needed the jingle to stop and the pale face to be gone. I threw it down one last time with a final blow, satisfied with the damage I’d caused.
I picked the laptop up thinking it would be dead, but the screen was still glowing with light. Through the splintered glass of the screen I could see the farmhouse, the field of yellowing grass, the rocking chair, the oak tree – everything was there except for the pale faced thing. As if my havoc had caused it to flee the wallpaper.
The screen flickered off. The room went black. The cicadas outside filled the silence.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up.
It felt as if I were being watched.
2024.05.13 21:21 BabaWheelchair Inaccessible trackpad on Mac. Should I risk buying iPad M4?
Hi,
I have a locomotor disability and I am a quadriplegic.
I'm a Big Apple fan and use an iPhone 14, Apple Watch and Apple TV.
I used to use a MacBook till 2020 but decided to change to a Surface Pro 7 that year because the new macbooks had too large a track pad - I tried a friend’s for a day and just couldn't use it. The problem with the large trackpad for me is that a rest both hands on the side of the track pad and then move them pressing keys from one finger in each. With the large trackpad, my hand kept touching the trackpad making me mistype.
I am looking at upgrading my laptop again and miss being in the Apple ecosystem. I am very tempted to buy an M3 Macbook Air. Is there any way I can disable part of the trackpad?
Alternately, on the trackpad on the iPad seems to be of a decent size but due to file management constraints I'm not a big fan of iPad OS. Would it be realistic to expect MacOS for iPad Pro M4 at WWDC?
Apple prides itself on accessibility. I have heard so many blind friends talk about how Apple has transformed delays. Please guide on this problem or who and how I can approach apple with it - it's a shame that I cannot be part of the ecosystem just because of my disability.
submitted by BabaWheelchair to ipad [link] [comments]
I have a locomotor disability and I am a quadriplegic.
I'm a Big Apple fan and use an iPhone 14, Apple Watch and Apple TV.
I used to use a MacBook till 2020 but decided to change to a Surface Pro 7 that year because the new macbooks had too large a track pad - I tried a friend’s for a day and just couldn't use it. The problem with the large trackpad for me is that a rest both hands on the side of the track pad and then move them pressing keys from one finger in each. With the large trackpad, my hand kept touching the trackpad making me mistype.
I am looking at upgrading my laptop again and miss being in the Apple ecosystem. I am very tempted to buy an M3 Macbook Air. Is there any way I can disable part of the trackpad?
Alternately, on the trackpad on the iPad seems to be of a decent size but due to file management constraints I'm not a big fan of iPad OS. Would it be realistic to expect MacOS for iPad Pro M4 at WWDC?
Apple prides itself on accessibility. I have heard so many blind friends talk about how Apple has transformed delays. Please guide on this problem or who and how I can approach apple with it - it's a shame that I cannot be part of the ecosystem just because of my disability.
2024.05.13 21:18 BabaWheelchair Inaccessible trackpad. Please help
 | Hi, submitted by BabaWheelchair to mac [link] [comments] I have a locomotor disability and I am a quadriplegic. I'm a Big Apple fan and use an iPhone 14, Apple Watch and Apple TV. I used to use a MacBook till 2020 but decided to change to a Surface Pro 7 that year because the new macbooks had too large a track pad - I tried a friend’s for a day and just couldn't use it. The problem with the large trackpad for me is that a rest both hands on the side of the track pad and then move them pressing keys from one finger in each. With the large trackpad, my hand kept touching the trackpad making me mistype. I am looking at upgrading my laptop again and miss being in the Apple ecosystem. I am very tempted to buy an M3 Macbook Air. Is there any way I can disable part of the trackpad? Alternately, on the trackpad on the iPad seems to be of a decent size but due to file management constraints I'm not a big fan of iPad OS. Would it be realistic to expect MacOS for iPad Pro M4 at WWDC? Apple prides itself on accessibility. I have heard so many blind friends talk about how Apple has transformed delays. Please guide on this problem or who and how I can approach apple with it - it's a shame that I cannot be part of the ecosystem just because of my disability. https://preview.redd.it/vfkov8rfu80d1.png?width=880&format=png&auto=webp&s=d5663c4f475bb1a1101d1ea9bbe24e37942a8d0f |