Becky quick divorce
Grief Support: Learning to Live Without.
2010.08.31 02:56 frantk Grief Support: Learning to Live Without.
A place to share stories, ask questions or seek advice. Grief affects every person in a different way every time. Whether you are grieving the dead, a relationship, a job, a pet, a place or an era you are welcome here.
2023.08.22 05:56 McFlygon marriage4life
If you are tired of the "divorce" posts and comments on Marriage, and you are with your spouse for the long haul, this is the place for you! Be sure to check the rules real quick - I promise it's light.
2018.05.08 04:58 JobDestroyer The Libertarian Party of the United States of America
Welcome to /LPUS! This subreddit primarily exists for discussion concerning the Libertarian Party of the United States. Conversation should revolve around that, or libertarianism more generally. The purpose of this sub is to promote libertarianism, the Libertarian Party and libertarian candidates.
2024.05.16 04:44 Intelligent_Grab6972 Wow
I jumped on the end of the live. I haven't seen Spam so worn. It's like catching up to her. U can only go so far and then u hit the wall. And did anyone else see how red and glossy Math eyes were?
What ever is happening in their world is bad. They are both extremely stressed. Spammy is so pale. She is always so tan after a cruise.
I really think her mom is there to help them. They are prob over whelmed. Thought the swamp would sell quick. They had that hot min of the business selling. And tax season just by. I am sure they had to deal a whole lot for that And cotel and house proceeds.
I can't say I feel bad. They have lived and they have to live it.
I know way back when I went thru my divorce, I looked alot like her. The stress being caught off guard. 7 years married planned out the whole thing. My son was a year old had a rare heart surgery and my X told me 3 days prior he wanted a divorce. Not saying that's happening. But there is something big. I hope they do find a new therpist and put their ducks in a row and stop chasing stalker ghost that does not exist.
Guess this melt down is going to be as big as loosing the dream home.
Nite
submitted by Intelligent_Grab6972 to PWebbssnark [link] [comments]
What ever is happening in their world is bad. They are both extremely stressed. Spammy is so pale. She is always so tan after a cruise.
I really think her mom is there to help them. They are prob over whelmed. Thought the swamp would sell quick. They had that hot min of the business selling. And tax season just by. I am sure they had to deal a whole lot for that And cotel and house proceeds.
I can't say I feel bad. They have lived and they have to live it.
I know way back when I went thru my divorce, I looked alot like her. The stress being caught off guard. 7 years married planned out the whole thing. My son was a year old had a rare heart surgery and my X told me 3 days prior he wanted a divorce. Not saying that's happening. But there is something big. I hope they do find a new therpist and put their ducks in a row and stop chasing stalker ghost that does not exist.
Guess this melt down is going to be as big as loosing the dream home.
Nite
2024.05.16 04:33 Serious_Objective142 Ex husband stealing money in divorce
Ex husband stealing my inheritance
I need help, quickly. For context, my ex husband had an affair when I was pregnant with our first child so I left.
We own a home that is currently being sold, the deposit for which I solely contributed. My mother died and left money for myself and sisters. My inheritance and some of my sisters was used to buy the house. We, at the time, verbally agreed to set up a standing order to pay back my sister. The affair happened a year after the house and she never received anything so upon house sale she will get her money back.
So, I left the home and he lived there for over a year. 7 months of that, I had to pay half the mortgage as well as rent for the new home me and my son lived in. He only paid cms.
I got the majority of furniture from the home, as over the course of the relationship, I solely bought it. (He was very financially coercive).
He has a very good pension, I do not. We were together 8 years, married 3.
Whilst on maternity leave, he allowed and expected me to use credit cards to pay my half of bills and didn't provide anything until our child was 6 months old and I got cms in place. We lived in the same home, he ate 3 full meals while i had pancakes for most of mine as it was all I could afford, my breastmilk depleated and I had to return to work full time when my son was 6 weeks old. So I got considerable debt.
He is expecting 50/50 of the equity from the house sale. There is approx 20k equity. Myself and sister account for about 14k minimum that we put into the deposit. With paying my sister back, I would be essentially left with nothing if the 50/50 equity went ahead. He would be able to buy a new home whereas me and my child would have to continue to rent.
He has a fancy solicitor, I can't afford one. He paid for the divorce, putting in a sole application even though I thought we were doing a joint application.
I have a new partner and another child, I work part time.
We are due to go to a mediator soon, I can't afford court fees. Can he take 50/50?
What am I entitled to?
submitted by Serious_Objective142 to FamilyLaw [link] [comments]
I need help, quickly. For context, my ex husband had an affair when I was pregnant with our first child so I left.
We own a home that is currently being sold, the deposit for which I solely contributed. My mother died and left money for myself and sisters. My inheritance and some of my sisters was used to buy the house. We, at the time, verbally agreed to set up a standing order to pay back my sister. The affair happened a year after the house and she never received anything so upon house sale she will get her money back.
So, I left the home and he lived there for over a year. 7 months of that, I had to pay half the mortgage as well as rent for the new home me and my son lived in. He only paid cms.
I got the majority of furniture from the home, as over the course of the relationship, I solely bought it. (He was very financially coercive).
He has a very good pension, I do not. We were together 8 years, married 3.
Whilst on maternity leave, he allowed and expected me to use credit cards to pay my half of bills and didn't provide anything until our child was 6 months old and I got cms in place. We lived in the same home, he ate 3 full meals while i had pancakes for most of mine as it was all I could afford, my breastmilk depleated and I had to return to work full time when my son was 6 weeks old. So I got considerable debt.
He is expecting 50/50 of the equity from the house sale. There is approx 20k equity. Myself and sister account for about 14k minimum that we put into the deposit. With paying my sister back, I would be essentially left with nothing if the 50/50 equity went ahead. He would be able to buy a new home whereas me and my child would have to continue to rent.
He has a fancy solicitor, I can't afford one. He paid for the divorce, putting in a sole application even though I thought we were doing a joint application.
I have a new partner and another child, I work part time.
We are due to go to a mediator soon, I can't afford court fees. Can he take 50/50?
What am I entitled to?
2024.05.16 04:32 Serious_Objective142 Ex husband stealing money
Ex husband stealing my inheritance
I need help, quickly. For context, my ex husband had an affair when I was pregnant with our first child so I left.
We own a home that is currently being sold, the deposit for which I solely contributed. My mother died and left money for myself and sisters. My inheritance and some of my sisters was used to buy the house. We, at the time, verbally agreed to set up a standing order to pay back my sister. The affair happened a year after the house and she never received anything so upon house sale she will get her money back.
So, I left the home and he lived there for over a year. 7 months of that, I had to pay half the mortgage as well as rent for the new home me and my son lived in. He only paid cms.
I got the majority of furniture from the home, as over the course of the relationship, I solely bought it. (He was very financially coercive).
He has a very good pension, I do not. We were together 8 years, married 3.
Whilst on maternity leave, he allowed and expected me to use credit cards to pay my half of bills and didn't provide anything until our child was 6 months old and I got cms in place. We lived in the same home, he ate 3 full meals while i had pancakes for most of mine as it was all I could afford, my breastmilk depleated and I had to return to work full time when my son was 6 weeks old. So I got considerable debt.
He is expecting 50/50 of the equity from the house sale. There is approx 20k equity. Myself and sister account for about 14k minimum that we put into the deposit. With paying my sister back, I would be essentially left with nothing if the 50/50 equity went ahead. He would be able to buy a new home whereas me and my child would have to continue to rent.
He has a fancy solicitor, I can't afford one. He paid for the divorce, putting in a sole application even though I thought we were doing a joint application.
I have a new partner and another child, I work part time.
We are due to go to a mediator soon, I can't afford court fees. Can he take 50/50?
What am I entitled to?
submitted by Serious_Objective142 to FamilyLawUK [link] [comments]
I need help, quickly. For context, my ex husband had an affair when I was pregnant with our first child so I left.
We own a home that is currently being sold, the deposit for which I solely contributed. My mother died and left money for myself and sisters. My inheritance and some of my sisters was used to buy the house. We, at the time, verbally agreed to set up a standing order to pay back my sister. The affair happened a year after the house and she never received anything so upon house sale she will get her money back.
So, I left the home and he lived there for over a year. 7 months of that, I had to pay half the mortgage as well as rent for the new home me and my son lived in. He only paid cms.
I got the majority of furniture from the home, as over the course of the relationship, I solely bought it. (He was very financially coercive).
He has a very good pension, I do not. We were together 8 years, married 3.
Whilst on maternity leave, he allowed and expected me to use credit cards to pay my half of bills and didn't provide anything until our child was 6 months old and I got cms in place. We lived in the same home, he ate 3 full meals while i had pancakes for most of mine as it was all I could afford, my breastmilk depleated and I had to return to work full time when my son was 6 weeks old. So I got considerable debt.
He is expecting 50/50 of the equity from the house sale. There is approx 20k equity. Myself and sister account for about 14k minimum that we put into the deposit. With paying my sister back, I would be essentially left with nothing if the 50/50 equity went ahead. He would be able to buy a new home whereas me and my child would have to continue to rent.
He has a fancy solicitor, I can't afford one. He paid for the divorce, putting in a sole application even though I thought we were doing a joint application.
I have a new partner and another child, I work part time.
We are due to go to a mediator soon, I can't afford court fees. Can he take 50/50?
What am I entitled to?
2024.05.16 04:16 Serious_Objective142 Ex husband stealing my inheritance
I need help, quickly. For context, my ex husband had an affair when I was pregnant with our first child so I left.
We own a home that is currently being sold, the deposit for which I solely contributed. My mother died and left money for myself and sisters. My inheritance and some of my sisters was used to buy the house. We, at the time, verbally agreed to set up a standing order to pay back my sister. The affair happened a year after the house and she never received anything so upon house sale she will get her money back.
So, I left the home and he lived there for over a year. 7 months of that, I had to pay half the mortgage as well as rent for the new home me and my son lived in. He only paid cms.
I got the majority of furniture from the home, as over the course of the relationship, I solely bought it. (He was very financially coercive).
He has a very good pension, I do not. We were together 8 years, married 3.
Whilst on maternity leave, he allowed and expected me to use credit cards to pay my half of bills and didn't provide anything until our child was 6 months old and I got cms in place. We lived in the same home, he ate 3 full meals while i had pancakes for most of mine as it was all I could afford, my breastmilk depleated and I had to return to work full time when my son was 6 weeks old. So I got considerable debt.
He is expecting 50/50 of the equity from the house sale. There is approx 20k equity. Myself and sister account for about 14k minimum that we put into the deposit. With paying my sister back, I would be essentially left with nothing if the 50/50 equity went ahead. He would be able to buy a new home whereas me and my child would have to continue to rent.
He has a fancy solicitor, I can't afford one. He paid for the divorce, putting in a sole application even though I thought we were doing a joint application.
I have a new partner and another child, I work part time.
We are due to go to a mediator soon, I can't afford court fees. Can he take 50/50?
What am I entitled to?
submitted by Serious_Objective142 to Divorce [link] [comments]
We own a home that is currently being sold, the deposit for which I solely contributed. My mother died and left money for myself and sisters. My inheritance and some of my sisters was used to buy the house. We, at the time, verbally agreed to set up a standing order to pay back my sister. The affair happened a year after the house and she never received anything so upon house sale she will get her money back.
So, I left the home and he lived there for over a year. 7 months of that, I had to pay half the mortgage as well as rent for the new home me and my son lived in. He only paid cms.
I got the majority of furniture from the home, as over the course of the relationship, I solely bought it. (He was very financially coercive).
He has a very good pension, I do not. We were together 8 years, married 3.
Whilst on maternity leave, he allowed and expected me to use credit cards to pay my half of bills and didn't provide anything until our child was 6 months old and I got cms in place. We lived in the same home, he ate 3 full meals while i had pancakes for most of mine as it was all I could afford, my breastmilk depleated and I had to return to work full time when my son was 6 weeks old. So I got considerable debt.
He is expecting 50/50 of the equity from the house sale. There is approx 20k equity. Myself and sister account for about 14k minimum that we put into the deposit. With paying my sister back, I would be essentially left with nothing if the 50/50 equity went ahead. He would be able to buy a new home whereas me and my child would have to continue to rent.
He has a fancy solicitor, I can't afford one. He paid for the divorce, putting in a sole application even though I thought we were doing a joint application.
I have a new partner and another child, I work part time.
We are due to go to a mediator soon, I can't afford court fees. Can he take 50/50?
What am I entitled to?
2024.05.16 03:37 Cydonian___FT14X In anticipation of "Neon Pill" releasing later this week, I went back and reviewed all 5 previous Cage The Elephant albums! I'd love to hear your opinions on my opinions, as well as your takes on these albums in general!
So yeah... this is a post where I review all 5 Cage The Elephant albums. Pretty simple. These are all reviews that I originally wrote on an app/website called "Musicboard" over the past couple weeks, but I've copy-pasted them here for your reading convenience. Hope you enjoy & I hope to to talk about these albums with you!
____________________________________________
I hate to be so predictable, but the best song here is still “Ain’t No Rest for The Wicked”, and it ain’t even close. It’s extremely fun & catchy, it’s the album’s most sonically distinct piece BY FAR, and it’s storytelling/pacing are both absolutely flawless. A track that absolutely deserves it’s iconic status.
Even though the record’s best isn’t up for debate, there are some other pretty good highlights as well. “In One Ear” is a very solid opener for the project, “Judas” gives us consistently excellent lyricism, and “Tiny Little Robots” has an uncharacteristically super atmospheric bridge which makes it stand out quite a bit. It also transitions super smoothly into the following “Lotus” who’s engaging pacing, beautiful chorus, & satisfying climax make it another easy favourite for me.
But then beyond the lovably visceral energy of it’s closer, “Free Love”, Cage The Elephant’s self-titled debut really doesn’t give me a whole lot more to talk about. It’s got consistently great musicianship, a decent number of highlights, and some bizarrely excellent song transitions, but the album has a really bad case of being FAR too samey. Everything outside of the tracks I’ve already mentioned blend together in my mind almost completely. None of them are bad, but none of them are particularly memorable either.
This album is still pretty good at the end of the day, some solid garage rock fun, but Cage’s later projects would all feel a whole lot more distinct & purposeful.
Best Songs: Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked, Lotus, & Free Love.
Weakest Songs: Drones in the Valley, Soil to the Sun, & Back Stabbin' Betty.
This album gets a strong 7/10 from me.
____________________________________________
For one, the sound of this album is FAR more lush & vibrant than that of their debut. The guitars here are especially brimming with so much more life & colour than they were on their self-titled record. Another big improvement is that record is how much more variety this album has. It’s an incredibly stylistically varied project, and while that does lead to it feeling a little messy every so often, it’s all still held together very well by excellent & super aesthetically consistent production.
The album starts out quite strong with “Always Something”. The ominous guitars, raw vocals, & slight electronic elements all combine to make for a rather gripping opener. Other highlights include “Shake Me Down” which I love for it’s percussive acoustic guitars & personal childhood nostalgia, “Aberdeen” which I love for it’s super catchy melodies & powerfully mixed guitars, as well as “Right Before My Eyes” which has a similarly excellent sound & a surprisingly moving chorus.
This record also contains a lot of the most loudly abrasive material that Cage have ever released... to very mixed results. You have tracks like “Sell Yourself” & “Doctor Help Me” which are just sorta forgettable, a song like “Indy Kidz” which has a fantastic instrumental alongside an unfortunately & obnoxiously tryhard vocal performance, but then you have “Sabertooth Tiger” which is actually one of my TOP favourites here. The chaotic viscerality of this one feels so much more natural than those other tracks, as well as SO MUCH more invigorating. I really wasn't expecting to love it so much upon revisiting it today, but it very much surprised me.
On the other side of the coin, we also have a couple distinctly lowkey moments that I’d like to talk about. “Rubber Ball” is a very pleasant track with a slightly jaunty charm to it, but even more pleasant than that is “Flow”. My favourite song on the whole album. It’s not a particularly sad song, nor is it like STUNNINGLY beautiful, and yet… I often find myself close to tears when listening to it. If I had to put the feeling into words, I’d say that the atmosphere of this song is so perfectly tender & existentially content that it’s… genuinely overwhelming. I yearn to forever exist within the powerful sense of peace that this song provides, but I can only do so for 3 minutes at a time & that makes me wanna cry.
Overall, “Thank You Happy Birthday” is just a WAY more consistently enjoyable project than their debut. It has cleaner production, a far more memorable aesthetic, a greater sense of sonic exploration, better vocals for the most part, MUCH higher highs, and far fewer lows as well. Other than those “forgettably abrasive” songs which I talked about 2 paragraphs ago, the only significant lowlight for me would be the underwhelming closer that is “Carry Me In”. The record honestly should’ve just ended with “Flow” cuz these final 2 tracks which come right after just aren’t very interesting.
But yeah, other than having a significantly weaker closer, this album is an improvement over their first in every single way.
Best Songs: Flow, Sabertooth Tiger, & Aberdeen
Weakest Songs: Doctor Help Me, Carry Me In, & Sell Yourself.
This album gets a light to decent 8/10 from me.
____________________________________________
I absolutely ADORE this record, and I don’t even consider Cage The Elephant to be one of my all time favourite bands. They probably wouldn’t make my Top 25, but “Melophobia” specifically is easily one of the best albums I’ve ever heard, and (now that I no longer listen to Arcade Fire) my personal favourite release of 2013. At the very least, it’s a stiff competition between this & Daft Punk’s “Random Access Memories”. I’ve gotta go track by track with this one in order to effectively convey my love for it so buckle in!
“Spiderhead” is a genuinely perfect opener for the record. It conveys to us ALL of the project’s best qualities while never feeling like it’s spoiled the album for you. The best is still very much yet to come. We’ve got scuzzy guitars that feel both authentically raw & immaculately produced, super catchy melodies delivered through a very precise yet slightly wild vocal performance, and also this really cool “glitched tempo change” at the end which gives this specific song a very unique flare.
“Come A Little Closer” is probably the most popular song here, and while it’s not my personal #1, it is still absolutely deserving of that status. The verses ease us in with a super slick bassline, some incredibly atmospheric guitars/synths, as well as a grippingly moody vocal performance. All of which come to a head on the track's spectacularly explosive choruses which still manage to fit the song’s moody tone flawlessly. The bridge here is also excellent with an extremely effective build to the song’s final & most explosive chorus. LOVE this track. Iconic shit.
“Telescope” is even more iconic though. It’s the best thing that Matt Schultz has ever written & it’s not even a contest honestly. We open with some tenderly playful synths which eventually give way to an equally playful yet distinctly melancholic vocal performance & lyrical story. This leads to the song’s incredible chorus which only becomes more emotionally powerful each & every time it’s repeated, but it’s the bridge here that really elevates the track into something truly spectacular. It’s so instrumentally frantic & vocally raw while still miraculously fitting into the song’s overall tenderly melancholic atmosphere. Such an evocative masterpiece. Unquestionably one of my favourite songs of all time.
“It’s Just Forever” is frequently maligned as the album’s one & only dud, but other than some admittedly awkward tonal whiplash between it & the last song, I still think it’s a fantastic addition to the record. We’ve got some wonderfully visceral guitars, a delightfully wild guest vocal performance courtesy of Alison Mosshart, and an outro that predicted the “Untitled Goose Game” OST six years in advance. What’s not to love?
“Take It Or Leave It” has a super chillaxed atmosphere all throughout, but never in a way that becomes boring. The chorus is super catchy, I enjoy the slight country-isms of the track, and the guitars sound amazing… but that’s definitely starting to become a moot point in this review. SUCH a vibe of a song.
“Halo” is probably the least uniquely remarkable song here. I don’t really have anything specific to say about it, but don’t think for a second that I mean to imply it’s even remotely weak. It’s still a banger.
“Black Widow” is an absolute BLAST of a song. The gritty rock’n’roll instrumentation along with those seductive vocals are obviously fantastic, but the star of the show here is undoubtedly the brass elements. The blaring horns on this track, whichever ones they are exactly, are sheer musical euphoria. That brief moment during the bridge where they completely overpower the rest of the mix is especially stunning. This is another one of those songs that I often hear people proclaiming as one of the album’s worst, but I think those people are weak. This song is nothing short of SPECTACULAR. Such a wonderful rush of visceral energy.
“Hypocrite” serves as a very nice change of pace for the record. The incredibly unique drum rhythms & overall slow pacing really make it stand out here. We’ve got a decently moving chorus, some nice brass elements yet again, and while said brass elements aren’t nearly as impressive as last time, these horns still fill out the mix very nicely & aid the song in having an even more unique energy than the aforementioned odd drumming was already giving it.
“Teeth” is the most perfectly unhinged thing that Cage The Elephant has ever released. In my review for their previous album, I talked about how certain tracks there often struggled to nail the balance of “controlled chaos”. Songs from that record which attempted this mostly just felt messy instead of compellingly scatterbrained. “Teeth”, on the other hand, achieves that balance effortlessly. Everything about this track is marvelous madness. The frantically abrasive guitars, evocatively strange lyrics, rivetingly unrefined vocals, and OH MY WORD that outro. After being a badass rock song for about 3 minutes, this shit randomly decides to basically become spoken word jazz at the end, and it works miraculously well. The lethargic bassline, the dour brass elements, the lyrics rich with meaning that’s hard to fully grasp. The whole thing is genuinely quite unnerving, but in a way that’s always still very enjoyable to listen to.
“Cigarette Daydreams” is a very interesting closer for this album. The acoustics & pianos are both incredibly pretty, the vocals & melodies are both really moving, and the whole experience is extremely immersive with it’s atmosphere. It’s a truly beautiful song on it’s own as well as an extremely anticlimactic ending for the record. But to explain why I actually mean that as a positive, I need to talk about “Teeth” again. Keep in mind that everything I’m about to say here has absolutely NOTHING to do with the lyrics of these songs. It’s simply my mind creating a story by interpreting the emotional atmospheres of both tracks.
“Teeth” is like witnessing or being involved in some sort of traumatic event. It’s a chaotic mess that leaves you deeply unsettled. Horrified even. Like being the bystander to a uniquely bad car crash. The kind where gorey death is very clearly visible. “Cigarette Daydreams” contrasts “Teeth” by being easily the most tender & simplistic song on the album. It’s very comforting with it’s musicality, but what I love here is that it’s not quite “cathartic”. It’s not a release of tension or an eradication of negative emotion. It’s like being frozen with shock after witnessing this crash before someone else eventually arrives to comfort you. This comfort feels nice & brings you back to your senses, but you’re still not ok. You still witnessed something horrible & a quick bit of comfort isn’t going to immediately fix that.
That’s the story I read from the tonal dichotomy between these 2 songs. A story of horror followed by incomplete comfort. It’s not a satisfying ending for me, but it’s such a specific & evocative kind of dissatisfaction that I can’t help but be fascinated by it. A super cathartic track full of positive emotion & grandiose beauty wouldn’t have worked here at all. Something quietly comforting that’s lacking in huge catharsis is the only way this could have gone. It’s the only ending that makes sense directly after a track as wild a “Teeth”. Again, NONE of this has anything to do with the lyrics. Just sheer emotion.
In conclusion though, I really fucking love “Melophobia”. It’s got perfect pacing, perfect production, tons of variety, so many excellent highlights, and one of the most memorable album endings I’ve ever experienced. The band’s whole discography is undoubtedly quite good, but this record is still LEAGUES above anything else that came before it, and so far, anything that has come after. Y’all better listen to it if you haven’t already.
Best Songs: Telescope, Black Widow, & Come A Little Closer.
Weakest Songs: haha no.
10/10. Masterpiece.
____________________________________________
It’s a stiff competition between this & their self-titled when we’re deciding which Cage The Elephant album is the weakest. They both exist on pretty much equal levels of “unremarkably decent”, but I think I’d probably give “Tell Me I’m Pretty” an ever so slight edge over their debut. Even though I’m ultimately gonna give them the same rating, I think this record has a few more significantly notable qualities.
“Cry Baby” is a very solid opener & “Mess Around” is a delightfully nostalgic single in spite of literally just being a Black Keys song, but it’s only on tracks 4-7 where this album really hits it’s stride. “Too Late To Say Goodbye” is very methodically emotive, “Cold Cold Cold” has some super fun percussion & an engagingly dazed sense of atmosphere, and “How Are You True” is one of the prettiest songs in the band’s whole catalog. The choppy vocal effects are extremely immersive, and the lowkey energy of it all is wonderfully hypnotic.
It also transitions very naturally out of the song right before it. That song being “Trouble”. The strongest piece of this album by a pretty wide margin. The backing vocals are beautiful, the chorus is really impactful, the acoustic elements are particularly well utilized, and the whole thing truly feels “Melophobia quality” while still being sonically distinct from that project. After this 4-7 stretch however, the album’s final 3 tracks don’t give me a whole lot to talk about.
I enjoy the spaghetti western vibes of “That’s Right” decently enough, but “Punchin’s Bag” is one of the most forgettable songs that CTE have ever made, and even though it’s a decently fun track on it’s own, “Portuguese Knife Fight” has almost no real impact as a CLOSER. Which is particularly disappointing coming right off the heels of a record with one of the most impactful endings I’ve ever heard.
So yeah… “Tell Me I’m Pretty” definitely isn’t bad, but it definitely ain’t special either. It’s unenergetic in a way that mostly feels ill fitting of the band, Dan Auerbach’s production is solid but also extremely homogeneous, and lots of Matt’s vocals here feel way more “performative” than they do natural and/or “from the heart”. I do still enjoy this record for it’s excellent musicianship, generally solid song writing, and handful of wonderful highlights, but something definitely feels a little off about it all.
They just weren’t in peak form here. Which, again, is not a very pretty look right up against one of the most PEAK albums of the 2010’s.
Best Songs: Trouble, Cold Cold Cold, & How Are You True.
Weakest Songs: Punchin’ Bag, Sweetie Little Jean, & Portuguese Knife Fight.
This album gets a strong 7/10 to me.
____________________________________________
This is pretty easily their 2nd best album if you ask me. It’s nowhere NEAR as good as 2013’s “Melophobia”, but it’s not like I ever expected them to reach those heights again. Cage The Elephant are an overall “pretty good” band with one exceptional masterpiece that came out of nowhere. But in terms of the rest of their “pretty good” discography, this is a very enjoyable album… even if it is VERY front loaded. Tracks 1-7 are all fantastic with only one exception, but then tracks 8-13 are all super forgettable outside of a couple key exceptions.
Let’s talk about that excellent first half though. “Broken Boy” is an immediately gripping BANGER of an opener with viscerally crisp production, The Title Track has a wonderfully psychedelic soundscape to it & one of the band’s catchiest choruses ever, and “Night Running” is a song that’s always gotten way too much hate in my opinion. I can KINDA understand the aversion to how sheerly radio friendly it is, but the vibes are again delightfully psychedelic, the Beck feature suits the track flawlessly, and there’s this extremely appealing sense of… idk “fuzziness” to the production on the chorus. Super sonically satisfying stuff.
Other great moments from this first half include “Ready to Let Go’ which was a perfect lead single for the record, as well as “Skin And Bones” which has a really moving chorus & some beautifully implemented strings, but easily the HARDEST banger of the whole project comes to us in the direct middle. “House of Glass”. This is one of the spectacularly wild things they’ve ever put out & it’s an absolute BLAST to listen to. The sly vocals, viciously vigorous guitars, and perfectly chaotic production all come together to create one of their best songs to date. LOVE IT.
Now for that relatively lackluster 2nd half. “The War Is Over” actually grew on me quite a bit this time around which I wasn’t expecting, but we still have songs like “Dance Dance” which feel distinctly lacking in creativity, “Tokyo Smoke” which frankly just feels kinda aimless to me, as well as “What I’m Becoming” which, in an attempt to sound soft & lowkey, just comes across as rather drab. These songs are all still “decent” at the end of the day, but they absolutely do not live up to the consistently high quality of that first half. Where this 2nd half DOES shine however are in it’s softer moment’s that aren’t “What I’m Becoming”.
“Love’s the Only Way” is SUCH a lovely track. The light guitars, the ethereal string sections, the tender vocal performance, the vividly “late night” atmosphere of it all! It’s easily one of the most beautiful glimpses into their softer side that the band have ever given us, but even more beautiful than that is the album’s closer & best song BY FAR, “Goodbye”. The lyrics are absolutely heartbreaking, the pianos are extremely moving in spite of being so very simple, and the bridge here is beyond fascinating to me.
There’s this part of it’s instrumental that’s either a muted piano or the pitched down plucks of an orchestral stringed instrument. Whatever the hell it is, it gives me chills damn near every time I hear it. There aren’t even lyrics during this part, but it still manages to be one of the most evocative depictions of sadness that I’ve ever borne witness to. Undeniable proof that sound alone can often speak SO MUCH louder than words. This has been my go to “depression song” for YEARS now & I don’t see that changing any time soon.
So that’s “Social Cues”! It’s definitely got some issues, but I still like it quite a bit. It’s got a really fun new sound for the band, a decent amount of variety, consistently excellent lyrics that are largely about Matt’s, at the time, recent divorce, and some of the highest highs in their entire discography. It’s undoubtedly frontloaded, but still a very satisfying album experience overall. I mean it’s kind of impossible NOT to be satisfied with a closer this stellar.
Best Songs: Goodbye, House of Glass, & Social Cues.
Weakest Songs: What I’m Becoming, Black Madonna, & Tokyo Smoke.
This album gets a decent 8/10 from me.
____________________________________________
Well that's the post! Hope you enjoyed reading it & I'd love to discuss any & all of my takes in the comments!
submitted by Cydonian___FT14X to CageTheElephant [link] [comments]
____________________________________________
Self Titled
Probably their weakest album to date, but still a pretty solid debut overall.I hate to be so predictable, but the best song here is still “Ain’t No Rest for The Wicked”, and it ain’t even close. It’s extremely fun & catchy, it’s the album’s most sonically distinct piece BY FAR, and it’s storytelling/pacing are both absolutely flawless. A track that absolutely deserves it’s iconic status.
Even though the record’s best isn’t up for debate, there are some other pretty good highlights as well. “In One Ear” is a very solid opener for the project, “Judas” gives us consistently excellent lyricism, and “Tiny Little Robots” has an uncharacteristically super atmospheric bridge which makes it stand out quite a bit. It also transitions super smoothly into the following “Lotus” who’s engaging pacing, beautiful chorus, & satisfying climax make it another easy favourite for me.
But then beyond the lovably visceral energy of it’s closer, “Free Love”, Cage The Elephant’s self-titled debut really doesn’t give me a whole lot more to talk about. It’s got consistently great musicianship, a decent number of highlights, and some bizarrely excellent song transitions, but the album has a really bad case of being FAR too samey. Everything outside of the tracks I’ve already mentioned blend together in my mind almost completely. None of them are bad, but none of them are particularly memorable either.
This album is still pretty good at the end of the day, some solid garage rock fun, but Cage’s later projects would all feel a whole lot more distinct & purposeful.
Best Songs: Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked, Lotus, & Free Love.
Weakest Songs: Drones in the Valley, Soil to the Sun, & Back Stabbin' Betty.
This album gets a strong 7/10 from me.
____________________________________________
Thank You, Happy Birthday
It may be a little all over the place, but it’s still a pretty big improvement over their debut.For one, the sound of this album is FAR more lush & vibrant than that of their debut. The guitars here are especially brimming with so much more life & colour than they were on their self-titled record. Another big improvement is that record is how much more variety this album has. It’s an incredibly stylistically varied project, and while that does lead to it feeling a little messy every so often, it’s all still held together very well by excellent & super aesthetically consistent production.
The album starts out quite strong with “Always Something”. The ominous guitars, raw vocals, & slight electronic elements all combine to make for a rather gripping opener. Other highlights include “Shake Me Down” which I love for it’s percussive acoustic guitars & personal childhood nostalgia, “Aberdeen” which I love for it’s super catchy melodies & powerfully mixed guitars, as well as “Right Before My Eyes” which has a similarly excellent sound & a surprisingly moving chorus.
This record also contains a lot of the most loudly abrasive material that Cage have ever released... to very mixed results. You have tracks like “Sell Yourself” & “Doctor Help Me” which are just sorta forgettable, a song like “Indy Kidz” which has a fantastic instrumental alongside an unfortunately & obnoxiously tryhard vocal performance, but then you have “Sabertooth Tiger” which is actually one of my TOP favourites here. The chaotic viscerality of this one feels so much more natural than those other tracks, as well as SO MUCH more invigorating. I really wasn't expecting to love it so much upon revisiting it today, but it very much surprised me.
On the other side of the coin, we also have a couple distinctly lowkey moments that I’d like to talk about. “Rubber Ball” is a very pleasant track with a slightly jaunty charm to it, but even more pleasant than that is “Flow”. My favourite song on the whole album. It’s not a particularly sad song, nor is it like STUNNINGLY beautiful, and yet… I often find myself close to tears when listening to it. If I had to put the feeling into words, I’d say that the atmosphere of this song is so perfectly tender & existentially content that it’s… genuinely overwhelming. I yearn to forever exist within the powerful sense of peace that this song provides, but I can only do so for 3 minutes at a time & that makes me wanna cry.
Overall, “Thank You Happy Birthday” is just a WAY more consistently enjoyable project than their debut. It has cleaner production, a far more memorable aesthetic, a greater sense of sonic exploration, better vocals for the most part, MUCH higher highs, and far fewer lows as well. Other than those “forgettably abrasive” songs which I talked about 2 paragraphs ago, the only significant lowlight for me would be the underwhelming closer that is “Carry Me In”. The record honestly should’ve just ended with “Flow” cuz these final 2 tracks which come right after just aren’t very interesting.
But yeah, other than having a significantly weaker closer, this album is an improvement over their first in every single way.
Best Songs: Flow, Sabertooth Tiger, & Aberdeen
Weakest Songs: Doctor Help Me, Carry Me In, & Sell Yourself.
This album gets a light to decent 8/10 from me.
____________________________________________
Melophobia
Don’t you love it when an overall “pretty good” discography randomly contains one genuine masterpiece?I absolutely ADORE this record, and I don’t even consider Cage The Elephant to be one of my all time favourite bands. They probably wouldn’t make my Top 25, but “Melophobia” specifically is easily one of the best albums I’ve ever heard, and (now that I no longer listen to Arcade Fire) my personal favourite release of 2013. At the very least, it’s a stiff competition between this & Daft Punk’s “Random Access Memories”. I’ve gotta go track by track with this one in order to effectively convey my love for it so buckle in!
“Spiderhead” is a genuinely perfect opener for the record. It conveys to us ALL of the project’s best qualities while never feeling like it’s spoiled the album for you. The best is still very much yet to come. We’ve got scuzzy guitars that feel both authentically raw & immaculately produced, super catchy melodies delivered through a very precise yet slightly wild vocal performance, and also this really cool “glitched tempo change” at the end which gives this specific song a very unique flare.
“Come A Little Closer” is probably the most popular song here, and while it’s not my personal #1, it is still absolutely deserving of that status. The verses ease us in with a super slick bassline, some incredibly atmospheric guitars/synths, as well as a grippingly moody vocal performance. All of which come to a head on the track's spectacularly explosive choruses which still manage to fit the song’s moody tone flawlessly. The bridge here is also excellent with an extremely effective build to the song’s final & most explosive chorus. LOVE this track. Iconic shit.
“Telescope” is even more iconic though. It’s the best thing that Matt Schultz has ever written & it’s not even a contest honestly. We open with some tenderly playful synths which eventually give way to an equally playful yet distinctly melancholic vocal performance & lyrical story. This leads to the song’s incredible chorus which only becomes more emotionally powerful each & every time it’s repeated, but it’s the bridge here that really elevates the track into something truly spectacular. It’s so instrumentally frantic & vocally raw while still miraculously fitting into the song’s overall tenderly melancholic atmosphere. Such an evocative masterpiece. Unquestionably one of my favourite songs of all time.
“It’s Just Forever” is frequently maligned as the album’s one & only dud, but other than some admittedly awkward tonal whiplash between it & the last song, I still think it’s a fantastic addition to the record. We’ve got some wonderfully visceral guitars, a delightfully wild guest vocal performance courtesy of Alison Mosshart, and an outro that predicted the “Untitled Goose Game” OST six years in advance. What’s not to love?
“Take It Or Leave It” has a super chillaxed atmosphere all throughout, but never in a way that becomes boring. The chorus is super catchy, I enjoy the slight country-isms of the track, and the guitars sound amazing… but that’s definitely starting to become a moot point in this review. SUCH a vibe of a song.
“Halo” is probably the least uniquely remarkable song here. I don’t really have anything specific to say about it, but don’t think for a second that I mean to imply it’s even remotely weak. It’s still a banger.
“Black Widow” is an absolute BLAST of a song. The gritty rock’n’roll instrumentation along with those seductive vocals are obviously fantastic, but the star of the show here is undoubtedly the brass elements. The blaring horns on this track, whichever ones they are exactly, are sheer musical euphoria. That brief moment during the bridge where they completely overpower the rest of the mix is especially stunning. This is another one of those songs that I often hear people proclaiming as one of the album’s worst, but I think those people are weak. This song is nothing short of SPECTACULAR. Such a wonderful rush of visceral energy.
“Hypocrite” serves as a very nice change of pace for the record. The incredibly unique drum rhythms & overall slow pacing really make it stand out here. We’ve got a decently moving chorus, some nice brass elements yet again, and while said brass elements aren’t nearly as impressive as last time, these horns still fill out the mix very nicely & aid the song in having an even more unique energy than the aforementioned odd drumming was already giving it.
“Teeth” is the most perfectly unhinged thing that Cage The Elephant has ever released. In my review for their previous album, I talked about how certain tracks there often struggled to nail the balance of “controlled chaos”. Songs from that record which attempted this mostly just felt messy instead of compellingly scatterbrained. “Teeth”, on the other hand, achieves that balance effortlessly. Everything about this track is marvelous madness. The frantically abrasive guitars, evocatively strange lyrics, rivetingly unrefined vocals, and OH MY WORD that outro. After being a badass rock song for about 3 minutes, this shit randomly decides to basically become spoken word jazz at the end, and it works miraculously well. The lethargic bassline, the dour brass elements, the lyrics rich with meaning that’s hard to fully grasp. The whole thing is genuinely quite unnerving, but in a way that’s always still very enjoyable to listen to.
“Cigarette Daydreams” is a very interesting closer for this album. The acoustics & pianos are both incredibly pretty, the vocals & melodies are both really moving, and the whole experience is extremely immersive with it’s atmosphere. It’s a truly beautiful song on it’s own as well as an extremely anticlimactic ending for the record. But to explain why I actually mean that as a positive, I need to talk about “Teeth” again. Keep in mind that everything I’m about to say here has absolutely NOTHING to do with the lyrics of these songs. It’s simply my mind creating a story by interpreting the emotional atmospheres of both tracks.
“Teeth” is like witnessing or being involved in some sort of traumatic event. It’s a chaotic mess that leaves you deeply unsettled. Horrified even. Like being the bystander to a uniquely bad car crash. The kind where gorey death is very clearly visible. “Cigarette Daydreams” contrasts “Teeth” by being easily the most tender & simplistic song on the album. It’s very comforting with it’s musicality, but what I love here is that it’s not quite “cathartic”. It’s not a release of tension or an eradication of negative emotion. It’s like being frozen with shock after witnessing this crash before someone else eventually arrives to comfort you. This comfort feels nice & brings you back to your senses, but you’re still not ok. You still witnessed something horrible & a quick bit of comfort isn’t going to immediately fix that.
That’s the story I read from the tonal dichotomy between these 2 songs. A story of horror followed by incomplete comfort. It’s not a satisfying ending for me, but it’s such a specific & evocative kind of dissatisfaction that I can’t help but be fascinated by it. A super cathartic track full of positive emotion & grandiose beauty wouldn’t have worked here at all. Something quietly comforting that’s lacking in huge catharsis is the only way this could have gone. It’s the only ending that makes sense directly after a track as wild a “Teeth”. Again, NONE of this has anything to do with the lyrics. Just sheer emotion.
In conclusion though, I really fucking love “Melophobia”. It’s got perfect pacing, perfect production, tons of variety, so many excellent highlights, and one of the most memorable album endings I’ve ever experienced. The band’s whole discography is undoubtedly quite good, but this record is still LEAGUES above anything else that came before it, and so far, anything that has come after. Y’all better listen to it if you haven’t already.
Best Songs: Telescope, Black Widow, & Come A Little Closer.
Weakest Songs: haha no.
10/10. Masterpiece.
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Tell Me I'm Pretty
It’s a HUGE downgrade from the last album, but still a decent enough listen.It’s a stiff competition between this & their self-titled when we’re deciding which Cage The Elephant album is the weakest. They both exist on pretty much equal levels of “unremarkably decent”, but I think I’d probably give “Tell Me I’m Pretty” an ever so slight edge over their debut. Even though I’m ultimately gonna give them the same rating, I think this record has a few more significantly notable qualities.
“Cry Baby” is a very solid opener & “Mess Around” is a delightfully nostalgic single in spite of literally just being a Black Keys song, but it’s only on tracks 4-7 where this album really hits it’s stride. “Too Late To Say Goodbye” is very methodically emotive, “Cold Cold Cold” has some super fun percussion & an engagingly dazed sense of atmosphere, and “How Are You True” is one of the prettiest songs in the band’s whole catalog. The choppy vocal effects are extremely immersive, and the lowkey energy of it all is wonderfully hypnotic.
It also transitions very naturally out of the song right before it. That song being “Trouble”. The strongest piece of this album by a pretty wide margin. The backing vocals are beautiful, the chorus is really impactful, the acoustic elements are particularly well utilized, and the whole thing truly feels “Melophobia quality” while still being sonically distinct from that project. After this 4-7 stretch however, the album’s final 3 tracks don’t give me a whole lot to talk about.
I enjoy the spaghetti western vibes of “That’s Right” decently enough, but “Punchin’s Bag” is one of the most forgettable songs that CTE have ever made, and even though it’s a decently fun track on it’s own, “Portuguese Knife Fight” has almost no real impact as a CLOSER. Which is particularly disappointing coming right off the heels of a record with one of the most impactful endings I’ve ever heard.
So yeah… “Tell Me I’m Pretty” definitely isn’t bad, but it definitely ain’t special either. It’s unenergetic in a way that mostly feels ill fitting of the band, Dan Auerbach’s production is solid but also extremely homogeneous, and lots of Matt’s vocals here feel way more “performative” than they do natural and/or “from the heart”. I do still enjoy this record for it’s excellent musicianship, generally solid song writing, and handful of wonderful highlights, but something definitely feels a little off about it all.
They just weren’t in peak form here. Which, again, is not a very pretty look right up against one of the most PEAK albums of the 2010’s.
Best Songs: Trouble, Cold Cold Cold, & How Are You True.
Weakest Songs: Punchin’ Bag, Sweetie Little Jean, & Portuguese Knife Fight.
This album gets a strong 7/10 to me.
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Social Cues
Not without it’s problems, but undoubtedly some of their strongest material to date.This is pretty easily their 2nd best album if you ask me. It’s nowhere NEAR as good as 2013’s “Melophobia”, but it’s not like I ever expected them to reach those heights again. Cage The Elephant are an overall “pretty good” band with one exceptional masterpiece that came out of nowhere. But in terms of the rest of their “pretty good” discography, this is a very enjoyable album… even if it is VERY front loaded. Tracks 1-7 are all fantastic with only one exception, but then tracks 8-13 are all super forgettable outside of a couple key exceptions.
Let’s talk about that excellent first half though. “Broken Boy” is an immediately gripping BANGER of an opener with viscerally crisp production, The Title Track has a wonderfully psychedelic soundscape to it & one of the band’s catchiest choruses ever, and “Night Running” is a song that’s always gotten way too much hate in my opinion. I can KINDA understand the aversion to how sheerly radio friendly it is, but the vibes are again delightfully psychedelic, the Beck feature suits the track flawlessly, and there’s this extremely appealing sense of… idk “fuzziness” to the production on the chorus. Super sonically satisfying stuff.
Other great moments from this first half include “Ready to Let Go’ which was a perfect lead single for the record, as well as “Skin And Bones” which has a really moving chorus & some beautifully implemented strings, but easily the HARDEST banger of the whole project comes to us in the direct middle. “House of Glass”. This is one of the spectacularly wild things they’ve ever put out & it’s an absolute BLAST to listen to. The sly vocals, viciously vigorous guitars, and perfectly chaotic production all come together to create one of their best songs to date. LOVE IT.
Now for that relatively lackluster 2nd half. “The War Is Over” actually grew on me quite a bit this time around which I wasn’t expecting, but we still have songs like “Dance Dance” which feel distinctly lacking in creativity, “Tokyo Smoke” which frankly just feels kinda aimless to me, as well as “What I’m Becoming” which, in an attempt to sound soft & lowkey, just comes across as rather drab. These songs are all still “decent” at the end of the day, but they absolutely do not live up to the consistently high quality of that first half. Where this 2nd half DOES shine however are in it’s softer moment’s that aren’t “What I’m Becoming”.
“Love’s the Only Way” is SUCH a lovely track. The light guitars, the ethereal string sections, the tender vocal performance, the vividly “late night” atmosphere of it all! It’s easily one of the most beautiful glimpses into their softer side that the band have ever given us, but even more beautiful than that is the album’s closer & best song BY FAR, “Goodbye”. The lyrics are absolutely heartbreaking, the pianos are extremely moving in spite of being so very simple, and the bridge here is beyond fascinating to me.
There’s this part of it’s instrumental that’s either a muted piano or the pitched down plucks of an orchestral stringed instrument. Whatever the hell it is, it gives me chills damn near every time I hear it. There aren’t even lyrics during this part, but it still manages to be one of the most evocative depictions of sadness that I’ve ever borne witness to. Undeniable proof that sound alone can often speak SO MUCH louder than words. This has been my go to “depression song” for YEARS now & I don’t see that changing any time soon.
So that’s “Social Cues”! It’s definitely got some issues, but I still like it quite a bit. It’s got a really fun new sound for the band, a decent amount of variety, consistently excellent lyrics that are largely about Matt’s, at the time, recent divorce, and some of the highest highs in their entire discography. It’s undoubtedly frontloaded, but still a very satisfying album experience overall. I mean it’s kind of impossible NOT to be satisfied with a closer this stellar.
Best Songs: Goodbye, House of Glass, & Social Cues.
Weakest Songs: What I’m Becoming, Black Madonna, & Tokyo Smoke.
This album gets a decent 8/10 from me.
____________________________________________
Well that's the post! Hope you enjoyed reading it & I'd love to discuss any & all of my takes in the comments!
2024.05.16 03:34 monkey_sucker3000 Am I overacting??
Abuse, Discipline, or overreacting?
Im afraid of my dad, not just a bit frightened, no I am genuinely and 100% afraid of my father. I want to know if i am overreacting, if its regular Discipline or if its abuse.
My family is upper-middle class/Lower-upper-class, we own 35 acres of land on a farm. I am homeschooled, I spend 99% of my time at home because my dad forced me into online school, I have probably one friend, again, my dad’s fault. Some of my friends are less fortunate, they have addict parents, divorced parents, live in trailer parks, etc. my dad is quick to judge based off their family/living situation, he’ll let rude and straight up disrespectful comments slip and the people stop being my friends due to the things he says.
He has a weird work schedule, but he’s mostly home. He forces me to work outside in 100+ degree weather with almost maybe even no breaks at all for 12+ hours a day when he’s home.
He also has very bad temper issues, he cannot control his emotions at all and takes it out on me.
Example: my mom has music playing while he was trying to take a nap, when she turned it down for him he got mad it wasn’t turned off and he came out of his room and threw the speaker off the TV stand, breaking it.
Example: we were playing a board game and when he was losing he got mad, had an attitude, then threw everything off the table and made me clean it up
Example: I didn’t want to go shooting with him so instead of respecting that, he dragged me to the shooting range we have on our property while I was telling him no over and over again, he loaded a gun and unloaded the entire mag on the ground directly infront of me while using his hand over mine to shoot the gun, then when I still didn’t do it he pushed me away and said “alright get the fuck out of here go do your chores”
That’s only a few examples of times he got upset and didn’t control his temper.
Another thing he does is he purposely likes to antagonize me and gets mad when it works.
Example: he was pushing me over and over again while I was trying to eat dinner, after I told him multiple times to stop and he didn’t, I got up, threw my dinner away and started walking downstairs, he then made me sit back down at the table and proceeded to yell at me about having an attitude, then when I asked if I could leave he took all my electronics away and made me do chores the rest of the day the next day
Example: I have major issues with people chewing with their mouth open so he always chews with food falling out of his mouth, smacks his lips, and gets close to my ears while eating just to trigger my issues with it, on multiple occasions I’ll tell him to stop and he doesn’t stop he just gets closer and closer so I push him away, he will yell at me, take everything away, and send me to bed without dinner
again only a couple examples^
Anytime I hear him coming down the stairs I immediately get scared, hide anything I’m doing, and then pretend to do something productive.
Another thing is he will hit me, push me, punch me, kick me, etc. but when I tell him to stop he doesn’t, if I cry he will “give me something to cry about” if I’m upset I have “no reason to be upset with a roof, food, and family” if I call him out on the hitting he will “show me what real abuse is”
This isn’t even all the stuff he does I felt like the post was getting too long so I’m stopping here
submitted by monkey_sucker3000 to AbusedTeens [link] [comments]
Im afraid of my dad, not just a bit frightened, no I am genuinely and 100% afraid of my father. I want to know if i am overreacting, if its regular Discipline or if its abuse.
My family is upper-middle class/Lower-upper-class, we own 35 acres of land on a farm. I am homeschooled, I spend 99% of my time at home because my dad forced me into online school, I have probably one friend, again, my dad’s fault. Some of my friends are less fortunate, they have addict parents, divorced parents, live in trailer parks, etc. my dad is quick to judge based off their family/living situation, he’ll let rude and straight up disrespectful comments slip and the people stop being my friends due to the things he says.
He has a weird work schedule, but he’s mostly home. He forces me to work outside in 100+ degree weather with almost maybe even no breaks at all for 12+ hours a day when he’s home.
He also has very bad temper issues, he cannot control his emotions at all and takes it out on me.
Example: my mom has music playing while he was trying to take a nap, when she turned it down for him he got mad it wasn’t turned off and he came out of his room and threw the speaker off the TV stand, breaking it.
Example: we were playing a board game and when he was losing he got mad, had an attitude, then threw everything off the table and made me clean it up
Example: I didn’t want to go shooting with him so instead of respecting that, he dragged me to the shooting range we have on our property while I was telling him no over and over again, he loaded a gun and unloaded the entire mag on the ground directly infront of me while using his hand over mine to shoot the gun, then when I still didn’t do it he pushed me away and said “alright get the fuck out of here go do your chores”
That’s only a few examples of times he got upset and didn’t control his temper.
Another thing he does is he purposely likes to antagonize me and gets mad when it works.
Example: he was pushing me over and over again while I was trying to eat dinner, after I told him multiple times to stop and he didn’t, I got up, threw my dinner away and started walking downstairs, he then made me sit back down at the table and proceeded to yell at me about having an attitude, then when I asked if I could leave he took all my electronics away and made me do chores the rest of the day the next day
Example: I have major issues with people chewing with their mouth open so he always chews with food falling out of his mouth, smacks his lips, and gets close to my ears while eating just to trigger my issues with it, on multiple occasions I’ll tell him to stop and he doesn’t stop he just gets closer and closer so I push him away, he will yell at me, take everything away, and send me to bed without dinner
again only a couple examples^
Anytime I hear him coming down the stairs I immediately get scared, hide anything I’m doing, and then pretend to do something productive.
Another thing is he will hit me, push me, punch me, kick me, etc. but when I tell him to stop he doesn’t, if I cry he will “give me something to cry about” if I’m upset I have “no reason to be upset with a roof, food, and family” if I call him out on the hitting he will “show me what real abuse is”
This isn’t even all the stuff he does I felt like the post was getting too long so I’m stopping here
2024.05.16 03:32 monkey_sucker3000 Abuse, Discipline, or overreacting?
Abuse, Discipline, or overreacting?
Im afraid of my dad, not just a bit frightened, no I am genuinely and 100% afraid of my father. I want to know if i am overreacting, if its regular Discipline or if its abuse.
My family is upper-middle class/Lower-upper-class, we own 35 acres of land on a farm. I am homeschooled, I spend 99% of my time at home because my dad forced me into online school, I have probably one friend, again, my dad’s fault. Some of my friends are less fortunate, they have addict parents, divorced parents, live in trailer parks, etc. my dad is quick to judge based off their family/living situation, he’ll let rude and straight up disrespectful comments slip and the people stop being my friends due to the things he says.
He has a weird work schedule, but he’s mostly home. He forces me to work outside in 100+ degree weather with almost maybe even no breaks at all for 12+ hours a day when he’s home.
He also has very bad temper issues, he cannot control his emotions at all and takes it out on me.
Example: my mom has music playing while he was trying to take a nap, when she turned it down for him he got mad it wasn’t turned off and he came out of his room and threw the speaker off the TV stand, breaking it.
Example: we were playing a board game and when he was losing he got mad, had an attitude, then threw everything off the table and made me clean it up
Example: I didn’t want to go shooting with him so instead of respecting that, he dragged me to the shooting range we have on our property while I was telling him no over and over again, he loaded a gun and unloaded the entire mag on the ground directly infront of me while using his hand over mine to shoot the gun, then when I still didn’t do it he pushed me away and said “alright get the fuck out of here go do your chores”
That’s only a few examples of times he got upset and didn’t control his temper.
Another thing he does is he purposely likes to antagonize me and gets mad when it works.
Example: he was pushing me over and over again while I was trying to eat dinner, after I told him multiple times to stop and he didn’t, I got up, threw my dinner away and started walking downstairs, he then made me sit back down at the table and proceeded to yell at me about having an attitude, then when I asked if I could leave he took all my electronics away and made me do chores the rest of the day the next day
Example: I have major issues with people chewing with their mouth open so he always chews with food falling out of his mouth, smacks his lips, and gets close to my ears while eating just to trigger my issues with it, on multiple occasions I’ll tell him to stop and he doesn’t stop he just gets closer and closer so I push him away, he will yell at me, take everything away, and send me to bed without dinner
again only a couple examples^
Anytime I hear him coming down the stairs I immediately get scared, hide anything I’m doing, and then pretend to do something productive.
Another thing is he will hit me, push me, punch me, kick me, etc. but when I tell him to stop he doesn’t, if I cry he will “give me something to cry about” if I’m upset I have “no reason to be upset with a roof, food, and family” if I call him out on the hitting he will “show me what real abuse is”
This isn’t even all the stuff he does I felt like the post was getting too long so I’m stopping here
submitted by monkey_sucker3000 to IsItAbuse [link] [comments]
Im afraid of my dad, not just a bit frightened, no I am genuinely and 100% afraid of my father. I want to know if i am overreacting, if its regular Discipline or if its abuse.
My family is upper-middle class/Lower-upper-class, we own 35 acres of land on a farm. I am homeschooled, I spend 99% of my time at home because my dad forced me into online school, I have probably one friend, again, my dad’s fault. Some of my friends are less fortunate, they have addict parents, divorced parents, live in trailer parks, etc. my dad is quick to judge based off their family/living situation, he’ll let rude and straight up disrespectful comments slip and the people stop being my friends due to the things he says.
He has a weird work schedule, but he’s mostly home. He forces me to work outside in 100+ degree weather with almost maybe even no breaks at all for 12+ hours a day when he’s home.
He also has very bad temper issues, he cannot control his emotions at all and takes it out on me.
Example: my mom has music playing while he was trying to take a nap, when she turned it down for him he got mad it wasn’t turned off and he came out of his room and threw the speaker off the TV stand, breaking it.
Example: we were playing a board game and when he was losing he got mad, had an attitude, then threw everything off the table and made me clean it up
Example: I didn’t want to go shooting with him so instead of respecting that, he dragged me to the shooting range we have on our property while I was telling him no over and over again, he loaded a gun and unloaded the entire mag on the ground directly infront of me while using his hand over mine to shoot the gun, then when I still didn’t do it he pushed me away and said “alright get the fuck out of here go do your chores”
That’s only a few examples of times he got upset and didn’t control his temper.
Another thing he does is he purposely likes to antagonize me and gets mad when it works.
Example: he was pushing me over and over again while I was trying to eat dinner, after I told him multiple times to stop and he didn’t, I got up, threw my dinner away and started walking downstairs, he then made me sit back down at the table and proceeded to yell at me about having an attitude, then when I asked if I could leave he took all my electronics away and made me do chores the rest of the day the next day
Example: I have major issues with people chewing with their mouth open so he always chews with food falling out of his mouth, smacks his lips, and gets close to my ears while eating just to trigger my issues with it, on multiple occasions I’ll tell him to stop and he doesn’t stop he just gets closer and closer so I push him away, he will yell at me, take everything away, and send me to bed without dinner
again only a couple examples^
Anytime I hear him coming down the stairs I immediately get scared, hide anything I’m doing, and then pretend to do something productive.
Another thing is he will hit me, push me, punch me, kick me, etc. but when I tell him to stop he doesn’t, if I cry he will “give me something to cry about” if I’m upset I have “no reason to be upset with a roof, food, and family” if I call him out on the hitting he will “show me what real abuse is”
This isn’t even all the stuff he does I felt like the post was getting too long so I’m stopping here
2024.05.16 02:45 hermit-throwaway My (M29) parents' divorce ruined me and everyone is worse off for it
I feel like when it comes to discussions about divorces involving children, 99% of the time people say it was better the divorce happened than if two people that didn't love each other stayed together for the sake of the kids. I want to share my story, because that was not my experience as the kid of divorced parents.
Almost two decades ago when I was 10 years old, my parents told my sister and I they were getting a divorce. They said they didn't get along anymore and we wouldn't all be living together anymore, but they would still be our mom and dad and we would live with each of them. I bawled my eyes out uncontrollably that night, completely shattered. In reality, my dad had spiraled down a 9-year-long addiction to opioid pills that meant he was high 24/7, lost his job, and was doing reckless things like drinking and driving, even with me in the car. Not to mention the impact it had on everyday life, vacations, finances etc. It drove my mom to her breaking point where she wanted a divorce, but first helped him get sober with staging an intervention and then getting him into rehab and NA.
Gradually my dad moved out to an apartment nearby, our house was sold and my mom bought a smaller one a town over, my sister and I would go back and forth between staying with each parent each week, and they both started dating. About a year after the divorce, my dad started seeing a woman of a far trashier, immature nature compared to my mom. He moved her in after a month, and long story short, my dad was heavily dedicated to her and changing from her influence, becoming a juvenile 40-something man unrecognizable to me. All while he had two young adolescent kids to raise who just had their world's shattered. My sister and I felt like afterthoughts, and I blame my dad for that as well as my now-stepmom for fully seeing the situation she was walking into, the impact it had on my sister and I, and still diving head-first into it. She quit her job as a nurse pretty early on to be a stay-at-home wife, even though my dad was making just OK money.
As for my mom, she lost her job shortly after the divorce due to insubordination, and then never held a job of the same seniority/salary/importance ever again. She spent the remainder of my childhood staying at home raising my sister and I, who eventually moved in with her full time to get away from being around my stepmom until we went to college. She had a few smaller jobs she'd last a few months at, but that's essentially been her career ever since but with a steady decline. She was a vice president of a Fortune 500 company, and now she's on the phone in a call center making a little more than minimum wage.
She dated a little too, but never got as serious with anyone as my dad did. Part of it may have been that she just couldn't catch the kind of guy she was looking for, but part of it may have been seeing the impact one stepparent was having on my sister and I. I'm sorry she's still alone and may be alone the rest of her life. But I'm also glad we had her full attention and care when we were growing up, because I was thinking about ending my life every day of those years, and the addition of another new strange adult living with me and having nowhere for me to escape to probably would have put me over the edge. I did attempt in college several times, but had a moment of reckoning and decided to see life through.
Part of the reason for her overall decline too has been her descent into alcoholism, starting a couple of years before the divorce but the scope of it not fully visible at the time. From when I was 12 onwards, she's gone through cycles of sobering up, working AA, gradually checking out of AA, functionally relapsing, descending into disfunction/rock bottom and repeat every 18 months or so. Her latest period as a full-blown alcoholic was her worst, and she was more of a mess than my dad ever was. He's relapsed twice over the years, but to his credit, they were relatively brief periods of relapse and he's seriously worked the 12-step program to maintain sobriety otherwise. He now owns a home near where I grew up.
In summary: I absolutely recognize what my mom went through for 9 years with my dad's drug addiction and I can imagine the stress it put her through, the impact it had in shaping those years of her life, and how out of love she must have felt after so many incidents with my dad being high. That said, I've always felt a massive hole in my chest every day of these last 19 years, and hindsight has only further made me feel like the divorce was a mistake. I can't put myself in my mom's shoes, but I wish she had given my dad a last chance once he was sober. He's a better man sober. I can't help dreaming of "What if's" even when it only hurts to imagine. If my parents stayed together, maybe we would have still had our big, beautiful house; maybe my mom's alcoholism wouldn't have been so out of hand with my dad to support her own sobriety; maybe my mom wouldn't be living in a sober house 200 miles away right now with barely a dollar to her name; maybe my dad would have a repaired relationship with his kids instead of barely seeing one and never hearing from the other; maybe I would actually want to have a family of my own instead of worrying there's a chance I really ruin my kids in some way too; maybe I would be able to hold down a relationship of my own without getting anxiety about the future if I had an example of a united family to look up to or even parents that could give me useful relationship advice; maybe my chronic depression wouldn't have started so early or at all so that I'd never eat myself to morbid obesity. Or maybe not.
Look, yeah, we can never know one way or the other for sure. But if they knew then where their lives, my life, and my sister's life would end up, I think they would have found a way to make it work.
I don't think I'll ever fully be ok with everything that happened or how it's shaped me. I wish I could be, and I wish I could move past all of it, but this was all some destructive shit.
TL;DR - I'm sharing this as a counter to the popular idea that divorce is always better, especially for the kids when there's kids involved. My unbeknownst-alcoholic mom divorced my long term opioid pill-addicted dad when I was 10, my mom helped my dad sober up during the divorce. My dad quickly started seeing a trashy woman that he moved in with him and invested most of his time, love, and attention into, and he eventually bought a house for them. My mom lost her job, essentially never held another serious full-time job again, descended deep into alcoholism with a dozen relapses and sobering-ups over the years, is flat broke and never found another partner. It's almost two decades later and I'm a 29-year-old man, and the effects of the divorce left a lasting trauma on me that a life of therapy hasn't and won't fix. It's also influenced my aversion to ever having a family of my own, my struggles to have a serious long-term relationship with someone, and overall plays a roll in my chronic depression.
submitted by hermit-throwaway to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
Almost two decades ago when I was 10 years old, my parents told my sister and I they were getting a divorce. They said they didn't get along anymore and we wouldn't all be living together anymore, but they would still be our mom and dad and we would live with each of them. I bawled my eyes out uncontrollably that night, completely shattered. In reality, my dad had spiraled down a 9-year-long addiction to opioid pills that meant he was high 24/7, lost his job, and was doing reckless things like drinking and driving, even with me in the car. Not to mention the impact it had on everyday life, vacations, finances etc. It drove my mom to her breaking point where she wanted a divorce, but first helped him get sober with staging an intervention and then getting him into rehab and NA.
Gradually my dad moved out to an apartment nearby, our house was sold and my mom bought a smaller one a town over, my sister and I would go back and forth between staying with each parent each week, and they both started dating. About a year after the divorce, my dad started seeing a woman of a far trashier, immature nature compared to my mom. He moved her in after a month, and long story short, my dad was heavily dedicated to her and changing from her influence, becoming a juvenile 40-something man unrecognizable to me. All while he had two young adolescent kids to raise who just had their world's shattered. My sister and I felt like afterthoughts, and I blame my dad for that as well as my now-stepmom for fully seeing the situation she was walking into, the impact it had on my sister and I, and still diving head-first into it. She quit her job as a nurse pretty early on to be a stay-at-home wife, even though my dad was making just OK money.
As for my mom, she lost her job shortly after the divorce due to insubordination, and then never held a job of the same seniority/salary/importance ever again. She spent the remainder of my childhood staying at home raising my sister and I, who eventually moved in with her full time to get away from being around my stepmom until we went to college. She had a few smaller jobs she'd last a few months at, but that's essentially been her career ever since but with a steady decline. She was a vice president of a Fortune 500 company, and now she's on the phone in a call center making a little more than minimum wage.
She dated a little too, but never got as serious with anyone as my dad did. Part of it may have been that she just couldn't catch the kind of guy she was looking for, but part of it may have been seeing the impact one stepparent was having on my sister and I. I'm sorry she's still alone and may be alone the rest of her life. But I'm also glad we had her full attention and care when we were growing up, because I was thinking about ending my life every day of those years, and the addition of another new strange adult living with me and having nowhere for me to escape to probably would have put me over the edge. I did attempt in college several times, but had a moment of reckoning and decided to see life through.
Part of the reason for her overall decline too has been her descent into alcoholism, starting a couple of years before the divorce but the scope of it not fully visible at the time. From when I was 12 onwards, she's gone through cycles of sobering up, working AA, gradually checking out of AA, functionally relapsing, descending into disfunction/rock bottom and repeat every 18 months or so. Her latest period as a full-blown alcoholic was her worst, and she was more of a mess than my dad ever was. He's relapsed twice over the years, but to his credit, they were relatively brief periods of relapse and he's seriously worked the 12-step program to maintain sobriety otherwise. He now owns a home near where I grew up.
In summary: I absolutely recognize what my mom went through for 9 years with my dad's drug addiction and I can imagine the stress it put her through, the impact it had in shaping those years of her life, and how out of love she must have felt after so many incidents with my dad being high. That said, I've always felt a massive hole in my chest every day of these last 19 years, and hindsight has only further made me feel like the divorce was a mistake. I can't put myself in my mom's shoes, but I wish she had given my dad a last chance once he was sober. He's a better man sober. I can't help dreaming of "What if's" even when it only hurts to imagine. If my parents stayed together, maybe we would have still had our big, beautiful house; maybe my mom's alcoholism wouldn't have been so out of hand with my dad to support her own sobriety; maybe my mom wouldn't be living in a sober house 200 miles away right now with barely a dollar to her name; maybe my dad would have a repaired relationship with his kids instead of barely seeing one and never hearing from the other; maybe I would actually want to have a family of my own instead of worrying there's a chance I really ruin my kids in some way too; maybe I would be able to hold down a relationship of my own without getting anxiety about the future if I had an example of a united family to look up to or even parents that could give me useful relationship advice; maybe my chronic depression wouldn't have started so early or at all so that I'd never eat myself to morbid obesity. Or maybe not.
Look, yeah, we can never know one way or the other for sure. But if they knew then where their lives, my life, and my sister's life would end up, I think they would have found a way to make it work.
I don't think I'll ever fully be ok with everything that happened or how it's shaped me. I wish I could be, and I wish I could move past all of it, but this was all some destructive shit.
TL;DR - I'm sharing this as a counter to the popular idea that divorce is always better, especially for the kids when there's kids involved. My unbeknownst-alcoholic mom divorced my long term opioid pill-addicted dad when I was 10, my mom helped my dad sober up during the divorce. My dad quickly started seeing a trashy woman that he moved in with him and invested most of his time, love, and attention into, and he eventually bought a house for them. My mom lost her job, essentially never held another serious full-time job again, descended deep into alcoholism with a dozen relapses and sobering-ups over the years, is flat broke and never found another partner. It's almost two decades later and I'm a 29-year-old man, and the effects of the divorce left a lasting trauma on me that a life of therapy hasn't and won't fix. It's also influenced my aversion to ever having a family of my own, my struggles to have a serious long-term relationship with someone, and overall plays a roll in my chronic depression.
2024.05.16 01:34 Senguier Florida Probate help
My mother passed away a few months ago and I am going through the probate process in the state of Florida. She left no will but I am her only child. She was divorced several decades ago and my father passed away. Thankfully I was able to find a lawyer to assist me with this process but I am struggling a little with the updates I am getting from them. I understand completely that I am not their only client so expecting an update quickly every time something happens is not realistic and I do not want to be one of those clients.
Currently I am trying to understand two things.
Firstly, the judge in the case has stated they wanted a hearing. My lawyer was unable to give me any reason as to why, just that they have been trying to schedule it for the last few days. Being that it is a simple estate so we asked for summary administration. So far we have received orders for homestead status of real property (the home) and orders determining exempt property (the car). All that is left is my mother's minimal bank account and a small 401k. We have already stated in the petition I would use her funds to pay her creditors. Any idea on what the hearing could be for?
Secondly, I am not sure what a FORMAL NOTICE OF PETITION FOR SUMMARY ADMINISTRATION PETITION TO DETERMINE HOMESTEAD STATUS OF REAL PROPERTY AND PETITION TO DETERMINE EXEMPT PROPERTY is on the docket. With the orders on the home and car issued I am just a little confused. Looking for what that means was not to helpful as all I could find is: Formal notice is the method of service used in probate proceedings and the method of service of process for obtaining jurisdiction over the person receiving the notice.
Can anyone share some clarity?
submitted by Senguier to AskALawyer [link] [comments]
Currently I am trying to understand two things.
Firstly, the judge in the case has stated they wanted a hearing. My lawyer was unable to give me any reason as to why, just that they have been trying to schedule it for the last few days. Being that it is a simple estate so we asked for summary administration. So far we have received orders for homestead status of real property (the home) and orders determining exempt property (the car). All that is left is my mother's minimal bank account and a small 401k. We have already stated in the petition I would use her funds to pay her creditors. Any idea on what the hearing could be for?
Secondly, I am not sure what a FORMAL NOTICE OF PETITION FOR SUMMARY ADMINISTRATION PETITION TO DETERMINE HOMESTEAD STATUS OF REAL PROPERTY AND PETITION TO DETERMINE EXEMPT PROPERTY is on the docket. With the orders on the home and car issued I am just a little confused. Looking for what that means was not to helpful as all I could find is: Formal notice is the method of service used in probate proceedings and the method of service of process for obtaining jurisdiction over the person receiving the notice.
Can anyone share some clarity?
2024.05.16 01:24 GeneralHales Ex-Wife has ownership of house but I've been living in it and paying the mortgage, can she legally sell the house? (I signed a quick claim deed but technically am still on the mortgage)
Location: Florida
Please let me preface this with me stating that I am posting this for my father.
Long story short my mother has decided to leave the state and is threatening to sell the house they both owned at one time. While he did sign a quick claim deed, he still has his name on the mortgage. For the past 10 years he has been the one paying towards the house and living within it. At no point has she made a payment towards this home since they divorced 12 years ago. She is trying to claim she has the ownership able to get him kicked out of the house if she took it to court, and is now leveraging this by extorting monthly payments to her from him, on top of him paying the monthly mortgage bill.
Is there any possible way my father could win this if things ended up in court? Would it even be entertained in court? Are there any options to avoid having him kicked out if he stops paying the monthly 'extortion fee' my mother is asking from him?
submitted by GeneralHales to legaladvice [link] [comments]
Please let me preface this with me stating that I am posting this for my father.
Long story short my mother has decided to leave the state and is threatening to sell the house they both owned at one time. While he did sign a quick claim deed, he still has his name on the mortgage. For the past 10 years he has been the one paying towards the house and living within it. At no point has she made a payment towards this home since they divorced 12 years ago. She is trying to claim she has the ownership able to get him kicked out of the house if she took it to court, and is now leveraging this by extorting monthly payments to her from him, on top of him paying the monthly mortgage bill.
Is there any possible way my father could win this if things ended up in court? Would it even be entertained in court? Are there any options to avoid having him kicked out if he stops paying the monthly 'extortion fee' my mother is asking from him?
2024.05.16 01:15 lost_library_book (New update) I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl [The Ballad of Bret Hart]
Originally chronicled here.
I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Lost_Beginning_2824
This was originally posted in TrueOffMyChest
2 updates
(recovered via pushpull)
Original post - February 6th, 2024
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
2nd Update - March 8th, 2024
Trigger warning: mention of domestic violence situation
I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl – February 6th, 2024
My wife behaves like a teenage girl and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This is just a rant. Curious to know how many full grown adults behave the way my wife does. I’d say out of all of the adult women I know, like friends, relatives, wives of my friends, none of them behave this way unless they keep it a closely guarded secret.
Editing right here to add that my wife is in her 30s, for context.
My wife is always obsessed with somebody, a man or sometimes multiple men at one time. Usually there is one or two main focuses at a time. When I talk obsessed I mean obsessed like a teenage girl or maybe even preteen girl would be. I’ve seen pictures of her bedroom when she was that age and they were literally wallpapers in posters of her favorite guys. That’s totally normal for a 13 year old girl. She still behaves that way as a woman in her 30s. Granted, our bedroom walls aren’t wallpapered in posters but they probably would be if I allowed it.
Her obsessions have ranged from rock stars, actors, non-entertainment industry public figures. It’s like one day she hasn’t even heard of the guy in question and the next day she’s super fan #1 and knows just about everything there is to know about him. She will read and watch everything there is to watch about the man. She will bring him up in every conversation. She will adopt parts of him into her own personality. She will suggest things that make it clear to me that she wants me to adopt characteristics of these men as part of my appearance or personality. She will openly admit to me that she’s masturbated over the guy multiple times in one day.
When she finds a new man to obsess over, she puts the others in her little stable of men who she always has a place for in her heart and in her fantasies, so they never really go away. The new man just takes center stage and becomes the main focus of almost her entire life.
So the current obsession is so strange to me. Never saw this one coming, but leave it to her to always find somebody new to fall in love with. The intensity that she has during these periods - it’s honestly like she falls in love with these men.
I’m laughing so hard just typing this all. Her current obsession is Bret Hart, former pro wrestler. This woman had never watched wrestling before in her life. Always thought that stuff was below her. And now she’s obsessed with this former pro-wrestler. She watched one show about him, for reasons I’m not aware of, and I could tell almost instantly where it was headed. I thought “here we go…” So now the Bret Hart obsession is in full swing. Has she already dropped close to $1000 in vintage Bret Hart shirts on eBay? Of course. Bought all the stickers and magnets and all sorts of other stupid crap she can find? Yep. Does she send me Bret Hart YouTube clips all.day.long when she’s supposed to be working? Yes she does.
So, I better get to work brushing up on my Bret Hart knowledge and tag lines. This is the key to getting laid when it comes to her. I’m used to this by now. It’s just not something that I can easily explain to anyone I know.
I mean, there’s are things I’m a fan of, but she is next level. I can’t think of anyone I know who is her age and acts like this. She was voted most likely to grow up and become a groupie when she was in high school, so this is absolutely nothing new for her. Sigh.
Many are lighthearted in the comments
plastic_Schedule_891
I mean he's the best there is, was and ever will be so that one makes sense at least .
You don’t think I’m hearing that 10 times a day now?
I better start planning that trip to Calgary.
Limerence is mentioned
poopchutethemoon
Yeah my bouts of limerence have been with people I’ve dated but reading that made me realize that I was very much being obsessive and it was totally all consuming. Glad it’s over honestly. Those feelings are exhausting.
Very interesting to hear you say the feelings are exhausting. It’s like a full time job for my wife, so I could see that. She told me she’s at work with her door closed pretending to be working, but she’s really watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube. She can’t even focus on her job.
OOP reveals more of the life he’s signed up for in the comments
get-bread-not-head
You've pretended to act like other men for 20 years?!
Damn dude, I hope you're finding ways to accept it and cope. That sounds rough, having to be someone else to have sex... stay strong king
Nah, I just learn their catchphrases or gain some deep fan knowledge that’ll impress her or maybe perfect a vocal impersonation of them that I can drop at the opportune time. The vocal impersonations work the best as far as making her like me and being like “ok, wanna have sex now?”
another_canoe
But what do you guys actually share *together*? That's not related to the obsession of the season? (I'm not going to even bother asking if she's tried to learn about any of your hobbies/interests).
NGL, this is all pretty grim to me, my man....and I'm someone who loves having a partner who is passionate about things and nerds out.
I fear that you've spent so long with her infatuations steamrolling over your own interests and preferences that you have convinced yourself that getting attention-by-proxy as your main source of validation from your SPOUSE is a healthy way to live.
If I told you that I was big into anime and Japanese RPGs and the only way I get interested in doing it with my actual wife is if she adopts the catch phrases /personality characteristics of my latest "waifu", would you feel some concern for my wife's mental health?
I'm also wondering about this spending....
She’s pretty dismissive of my interests and hobbies. I’ve told her I’d like her to try to pretend to show a little more interest sometimes. I make an effort to show real interest in her stuff and she does not do the same. I’m very into music and I do geek out over guitars and gear and things like that and she couldn’t tell you anything about any of the guitars I own other than “he has a blue one, he has a red one. “ We do love some of the same bands. Of course she wants to fuck the band members and I just want to talk about the chord progression on my favorite guitar tracks, but it’s close enough. We like a lot of the same movies and that sort of thing. We have the same sense of humor and can keep each other laughing for ages. We have a lot of the same views on life and on the world in general.
I don’t know, we just get each other I guess.
I would be concerned about the waifu thing, but I guess in my case she always likes guys who I think are pretty cool anyway. She has good taste, at least. If she has to be obsessing over some other guy constantly at least she does it over guys I can respect on some level.
Regarding the spending, I spend way more than she does. Only difference is it’s not usually fan merch I’m buying. But she tolerate my spending when it comes to stuff like guitar gear. She rolls her eyes and reprimands me but she tolerates it and just knows I won’t stop. I’m the same when it comes to her fan stuff. I get it, she wants the vintage 1993 Bret Hart shirt that costs hundreds…not a modern shirt that just anyone could go online and buy for $25 right now. She wants the cool, rare stuff. I’m the same with my guitars so I guess it’s like we understand each other in some way. I think it’s weird to become a fan of somebody and 2 days later drop thousands on them though. At least my money pit is consistent.
I think we both feel like we’re the only person who will semi understand and tolerate all of this stuff from each other
Not included here, but in several comments, OOP definitely brings up his wife’s looks as a positive in the relationship and he finds her antics at times amusing or even attractive.
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
I recently wrote about my wife suddenly discovering former pro-wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart one day after never even knowing of his existence, experienced love at first site, and is now even deeper than love with him then she was a month ago.
Tonight, I experienced a good hour of her sobbing, literal sobs, after watching the Bret Hart A&E biography. “I just love him so much. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to him. Also, I’m very jealous he’s not my husband.”
She also went from not wanting any kids to suddenly wanting a baby so she can name it Bret (a girl or a boy, doesn’t matter…they will be named Bret). And she almost had me convinced, but I blame that on the heat of the moment.
She’s bought all sorts of clothes just like his. My wife now dresses like Bret Hart in and outside of the ring.
The past few days she’s been acting really annoyed with me. Finally I’m like “Wtf am I doing wrong?” I bought you Bret Hart stuff for your birthday! I call you Mrs. Bret Hart now, even though you’re my wife. I even sent you flowers at work from Bret. I mean that was supposed to get me points because she knew they were from me and I was playing into her obsession which she’s now apparently shared with everyone she works with. They’ve bought her a giant Bret Hart wall decal for her office.
Ok, so I did forget our anniversary which was very recently. Totally forgot it. Then again, so did she. She was too busy masturbating over Bret Hart to remember our wedding anniversary. I mean bad husband points for me obviously but all the birthday gifts had to have made up for it. I mean, I even ordered a Bret Hart birthday banner and got her a Bret Hart themed birthday cake as if she were a 7 year old boy in the year 1994.
So why is she acting so annoyed lately? Why does she act like she hates me and can’t stand to even be in the same room as me? She finally admits…I’m not Bret Hart. None of her obsession have ever been this bad. She’s seriously threatening me with divorce now because I’m not Bret Hart! She “just wants a guy like that.” She had to go walk the dog today and cry over it, how much she hates me and wishes she was married to Bret Hart. Oh fuck me you want a guy like your dad because that’s what Bret Hart is like…exactly like her dad, the same look, the same hair, the same damn age.
I told her I think she should get checked out for autism or some other sort of disorder. Her obsessions have never been this bad. She should make an appointment now because the waitlist is long. She just laughed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She just has different taste in men now, according to her.
Some comments
psychick
Therapist here - she needs to see a psychiatrist. This is mental illness to the extreme. Either she goes, or you leave. This is ultimatum territory. And, stop giving into her obsession. It makes it worse.
nualt42
Man, when she threatens divorce, take it. Jump at the chance.
Hell, sit, be a good boy and offer your fucking paw if that’s what it takes to get treated to an exit strategy. Don’t worry about dignity, sounds like you gave that up a long time ago.
She’s even looked up the divorce process for where we live and says we can be amicable about everything. She assures me she’s not looking to take any thing that is rightfully mine. She just wants a clean break.
Sophie3546
I’m surprised he even lasted this long. Calling her “Ms. Bret Hart” …..I can’t even fathom.
Excuse me, it’s MRS Bret Hart, not Ms.
NEW UPDATE - March 8th, 2024
Hi, you might remember me as the guy whose wife was obsessed with JFK (35th President of the United States), then experienced a world wind romance with former WWF pro-wrestler Bret Hart (the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be), but now she’s met a new man. I thought the Bret Hart obsession was the worst one yet. Never has she threatened divorce or told me she hated me because I wasn’t the object of her desire. Luckily, that was a relatively quick love affair for her. 3-4 months is a short run for her and one of her men. But I should be careful what I wish for.
This new one is the first time I’ve felt that I should maybe, just possibly, feel legitimately scared. Her newly developing obsession is Patrick Bateman. Yep, the character from American Psycho. Specifically, the movie version played by Christian Bale.
It’s not like she’s just met the guy. She’s seen the movie before but it doesn’t appear that they hit it off initially. Now, she’s suddenly started making constant reference to him. Bret is gone and now it’s just Patrick Bateman and maniacal laughter and purchasing all of the items in his skin care routine. I’d like to see her do 1000 crunches though. That’ll be the day.
She has always admitted to living the 80s preppy/yuppie look. She loves assholes. Assholes are a weakness for her. Psychopaths? Hmm…that’s a new one, unless you count the time she was in love with the Menendez Brothers years ago. God, the pastel Ralph Lauren sweaters she used to try to make me wear. Pastels are just not my shades.
Now, there was a time many years ago where I did have to hide all the knives in our home. I was legitimately scared that she was going to murder me. I forget what she was upset about now. I am, after all, her type - an asshole. I did something that bothered her and she ran for the knives. I had to hide them and then lock myself in a bedroom because she was literally chasing me. That was before she decided that she’d be the female Patrick Bateman. Granted, she says “only mean in the looks and snob department-nothing else.”
She’s trying to determine what the female equivalent to a Patrick Bateman hairstyle would be right now. I’m just worried about the bank account with this obsession. The amount she’ll spend on business cards alone.
Comments
lemonade_sparkle
Your wife is severely mentally ill, and needs help quickly.
Is there no chance of persuading her to get help?
If not, what preparations have you made to leave her?
I’m a strange way, I think these obsessions are what keep her sane.
Her getting help is funny though. It’s not going to happen. Sure I’ve tried to persuade her to see a therapist but she just won’t.
ctIaTErA
I probably shouldn’t be laughing as hard as I am right now. This is truly bizarre. Does she narrate her morning routine in the mirror each day now?
But in all seriousness, she’s chased you with a knife? Thats far more concerning than any of the obsessions with these men, and yes I did read the post about the wrestler. I thought it was just very quirky behavior before, but she seems truly unhinged now.
It was years ago. Like 10+ years ago. I’m much stronger than her so it’s not hard to hold her down if need be.
I AM NOT OOP
NO BRIGADING, NO HARASSMENT
submitted by lost_library_book to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Lost_Beginning_2824
This was originally posted in TrueOffMyChest
2 updates
(recovered via pushpull)
Original post - February 6th, 2024
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
2nd Update - March 8th, 2024
Trigger warning: mention of domestic violence situation
I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl – February 6th, 2024
My wife behaves like a teenage girl and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This is just a rant. Curious to know how many full grown adults behave the way my wife does. I’d say out of all of the adult women I know, like friends, relatives, wives of my friends, none of them behave this way unless they keep it a closely guarded secret.
Editing right here to add that my wife is in her 30s, for context.
My wife is always obsessed with somebody, a man or sometimes multiple men at one time. Usually there is one or two main focuses at a time. When I talk obsessed I mean obsessed like a teenage girl or maybe even preteen girl would be. I’ve seen pictures of her bedroom when she was that age and they were literally wallpapers in posters of her favorite guys. That’s totally normal for a 13 year old girl. She still behaves that way as a woman in her 30s. Granted, our bedroom walls aren’t wallpapered in posters but they probably would be if I allowed it.
Her obsessions have ranged from rock stars, actors, non-entertainment industry public figures. It’s like one day she hasn’t even heard of the guy in question and the next day she’s super fan #1 and knows just about everything there is to know about him. She will read and watch everything there is to watch about the man. She will bring him up in every conversation. She will adopt parts of him into her own personality. She will suggest things that make it clear to me that she wants me to adopt characteristics of these men as part of my appearance or personality. She will openly admit to me that she’s masturbated over the guy multiple times in one day.
When she finds a new man to obsess over, she puts the others in her little stable of men who she always has a place for in her heart and in her fantasies, so they never really go away. The new man just takes center stage and becomes the main focus of almost her entire life.
So the current obsession is so strange to me. Never saw this one coming, but leave it to her to always find somebody new to fall in love with. The intensity that she has during these periods - it’s honestly like she falls in love with these men.
I’m laughing so hard just typing this all. Her current obsession is Bret Hart, former pro wrestler. This woman had never watched wrestling before in her life. Always thought that stuff was below her. And now she’s obsessed with this former pro-wrestler. She watched one show about him, for reasons I’m not aware of, and I could tell almost instantly where it was headed. I thought “here we go…” So now the Bret Hart obsession is in full swing. Has she already dropped close to $1000 in vintage Bret Hart shirts on eBay? Of course. Bought all the stickers and magnets and all sorts of other stupid crap she can find? Yep. Does she send me Bret Hart YouTube clips all.day.long when she’s supposed to be working? Yes she does.
So, I better get to work brushing up on my Bret Hart knowledge and tag lines. This is the key to getting laid when it comes to her. I’m used to this by now. It’s just not something that I can easily explain to anyone I know.
I mean, there’s are things I’m a fan of, but she is next level. I can’t think of anyone I know who is her age and acts like this. She was voted most likely to grow up and become a groupie when she was in high school, so this is absolutely nothing new for her. Sigh.
Many are lighthearted in the comments
plastic_Schedule_891
I mean he's the best there is, was and ever will be so that one makes sense at least .
You don’t think I’m hearing that 10 times a day now?
I better start planning that trip to Calgary.
Limerence is mentioned
poopchutethemoon
Yeah my bouts of limerence have been with people I’ve dated but reading that made me realize that I was very much being obsessive and it was totally all consuming. Glad it’s over honestly. Those feelings are exhausting.
Very interesting to hear you say the feelings are exhausting. It’s like a full time job for my wife, so I could see that. She told me she’s at work with her door closed pretending to be working, but she’s really watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube. She can’t even focus on her job.
OOP reveals more of the life he’s signed up for in the comments
get-bread-not-head
You've pretended to act like other men for 20 years?!
Damn dude, I hope you're finding ways to accept it and cope. That sounds rough, having to be someone else to have sex... stay strong king
Nah, I just learn their catchphrases or gain some deep fan knowledge that’ll impress her or maybe perfect a vocal impersonation of them that I can drop at the opportune time. The vocal impersonations work the best as far as making her like me and being like “ok, wanna have sex now?”
another_canoe
But what do you guys actually share *together*? That's not related to the obsession of the season? (I'm not going to even bother asking if she's tried to learn about any of your hobbies/interests).
NGL, this is all pretty grim to me, my man....and I'm someone who loves having a partner who is passionate about things and nerds out.
I fear that you've spent so long with her infatuations steamrolling over your own interests and preferences that you have convinced yourself that getting attention-by-proxy as your main source of validation from your SPOUSE is a healthy way to live.
If I told you that I was big into anime and Japanese RPGs and the only way I get interested in doing it with my actual wife is if she adopts the catch phrases /personality characteristics of my latest "waifu", would you feel some concern for my wife's mental health?
I'm also wondering about this spending....
She’s pretty dismissive of my interests and hobbies. I’ve told her I’d like her to try to pretend to show a little more interest sometimes. I make an effort to show real interest in her stuff and she does not do the same. I’m very into music and I do geek out over guitars and gear and things like that and she couldn’t tell you anything about any of the guitars I own other than “he has a blue one, he has a red one. “ We do love some of the same bands. Of course she wants to fuck the band members and I just want to talk about the chord progression on my favorite guitar tracks, but it’s close enough. We like a lot of the same movies and that sort of thing. We have the same sense of humor and can keep each other laughing for ages. We have a lot of the same views on life and on the world in general.
I don’t know, we just get each other I guess.
I would be concerned about the waifu thing, but I guess in my case she always likes guys who I think are pretty cool anyway. She has good taste, at least. If she has to be obsessing over some other guy constantly at least she does it over guys I can respect on some level.
Regarding the spending, I spend way more than she does. Only difference is it’s not usually fan merch I’m buying. But she tolerate my spending when it comes to stuff like guitar gear. She rolls her eyes and reprimands me but she tolerates it and just knows I won’t stop. I’m the same when it comes to her fan stuff. I get it, she wants the vintage 1993 Bret Hart shirt that costs hundreds…not a modern shirt that just anyone could go online and buy for $25 right now. She wants the cool, rare stuff. I’m the same with my guitars so I guess it’s like we understand each other in some way. I think it’s weird to become a fan of somebody and 2 days later drop thousands on them though. At least my money pit is consistent.
I think we both feel like we’re the only person who will semi understand and tolerate all of this stuff from each other
Not included here, but in several comments, OOP definitely brings up his wife’s looks as a positive in the relationship and he finds her antics at times amusing or even attractive.
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
I recently wrote about my wife suddenly discovering former pro-wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart one day after never even knowing of his existence, experienced love at first site, and is now even deeper than love with him then she was a month ago.
Tonight, I experienced a good hour of her sobbing, literal sobs, after watching the Bret Hart A&E biography. “I just love him so much. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to him. Also, I’m very jealous he’s not my husband.”
She also went from not wanting any kids to suddenly wanting a baby so she can name it Bret (a girl or a boy, doesn’t matter…they will be named Bret). And she almost had me convinced, but I blame that on the heat of the moment.
She’s bought all sorts of clothes just like his. My wife now dresses like Bret Hart in and outside of the ring.
The past few days she’s been acting really annoyed with me. Finally I’m like “Wtf am I doing wrong?” I bought you Bret Hart stuff for your birthday! I call you Mrs. Bret Hart now, even though you’re my wife. I even sent you flowers at work from Bret. I mean that was supposed to get me points because she knew they were from me and I was playing into her obsession which she’s now apparently shared with everyone she works with. They’ve bought her a giant Bret Hart wall decal for her office.
Ok, so I did forget our anniversary which was very recently. Totally forgot it. Then again, so did she. She was too busy masturbating over Bret Hart to remember our wedding anniversary. I mean bad husband points for me obviously but all the birthday gifts had to have made up for it. I mean, I even ordered a Bret Hart birthday banner and got her a Bret Hart themed birthday cake as if she were a 7 year old boy in the year 1994.
So why is she acting so annoyed lately? Why does she act like she hates me and can’t stand to even be in the same room as me? She finally admits…I’m not Bret Hart. None of her obsession have ever been this bad. She’s seriously threatening me with divorce now because I’m not Bret Hart! She “just wants a guy like that.” She had to go walk the dog today and cry over it, how much she hates me and wishes she was married to Bret Hart. Oh fuck me you want a guy like your dad because that’s what Bret Hart is like…exactly like her dad, the same look, the same hair, the same damn age.
I told her I think she should get checked out for autism or some other sort of disorder. Her obsessions have never been this bad. She should make an appointment now because the waitlist is long. She just laughed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She just has different taste in men now, according to her.
Some comments
psychick
Therapist here - she needs to see a psychiatrist. This is mental illness to the extreme. Either she goes, or you leave. This is ultimatum territory. And, stop giving into her obsession. It makes it worse.
nualt42
Man, when she threatens divorce, take it. Jump at the chance.
Hell, sit, be a good boy and offer your fucking paw if that’s what it takes to get treated to an exit strategy. Don’t worry about dignity, sounds like you gave that up a long time ago.
She’s even looked up the divorce process for where we live and says we can be amicable about everything. She assures me she’s not looking to take any thing that is rightfully mine. She just wants a clean break.
Sophie3546
I’m surprised he even lasted this long. Calling her “Ms. Bret Hart” …..I can’t even fathom.
Excuse me, it’s MRS Bret Hart, not Ms.
NEW UPDATE - March 8th, 2024
Hi, you might remember me as the guy whose wife was obsessed with JFK (35th President of the United States), then experienced a world wind romance with former WWF pro-wrestler Bret Hart (the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be), but now she’s met a new man. I thought the Bret Hart obsession was the worst one yet. Never has she threatened divorce or told me she hated me because I wasn’t the object of her desire. Luckily, that was a relatively quick love affair for her. 3-4 months is a short run for her and one of her men. But I should be careful what I wish for.
This new one is the first time I’ve felt that I should maybe, just possibly, feel legitimately scared. Her newly developing obsession is Patrick Bateman. Yep, the character from American Psycho. Specifically, the movie version played by Christian Bale.
It’s not like she’s just met the guy. She’s seen the movie before but it doesn’t appear that they hit it off initially. Now, she’s suddenly started making constant reference to him. Bret is gone and now it’s just Patrick Bateman and maniacal laughter and purchasing all of the items in his skin care routine. I’d like to see her do 1000 crunches though. That’ll be the day.
She has always admitted to living the 80s preppy/yuppie look. She loves assholes. Assholes are a weakness for her. Psychopaths? Hmm…that’s a new one, unless you count the time she was in love with the Menendez Brothers years ago. God, the pastel Ralph Lauren sweaters she used to try to make me wear. Pastels are just not my shades.
Now, there was a time many years ago where I did have to hide all the knives in our home. I was legitimately scared that she was going to murder me. I forget what she was upset about now. I am, after all, her type - an asshole. I did something that bothered her and she ran for the knives. I had to hide them and then lock myself in a bedroom because she was literally chasing me. That was before she decided that she’d be the female Patrick Bateman. Granted, she says “only mean in the looks and snob department-nothing else.”
She’s trying to determine what the female equivalent to a Patrick Bateman hairstyle would be right now. I’m just worried about the bank account with this obsession. The amount she’ll spend on business cards alone.
Comments
lemonade_sparkle
Your wife is severely mentally ill, and needs help quickly.
Is there no chance of persuading her to get help?
If not, what preparations have you made to leave her?
I’m a strange way, I think these obsessions are what keep her sane.
Her getting help is funny though. It’s not going to happen. Sure I’ve tried to persuade her to see a therapist but she just won’t.
ctIaTErA
I probably shouldn’t be laughing as hard as I am right now. This is truly bizarre. Does she narrate her morning routine in the mirror each day now?
But in all seriousness, she’s chased you with a knife? Thats far more concerning than any of the obsessions with these men, and yes I did read the post about the wrestler. I thought it was just very quirky behavior before, but she seems truly unhinged now.
It was years ago. Like 10+ years ago. I’m much stronger than her so it’s not hard to hold her down if need be.
I AM NOT OOP
NO BRIGADING, NO HARASSMENT
2024.05.16 00:25 Dangerous-Ad3495 50F Failure trying to rebuild, advice?
I’m very depressed and low currently - I don’t need Reddit Cares or a referral. I need solid advice from post-menopausal women and other folks 50+ I have asked for advice in some subs and being a relatively regular Redditor I did not expect the anger and mean responses. If you have a mean response, please choose instead not to respond.
For those willing to give solid advice: I am on the verge of what could be a new chaptephase of life and I want to prepare now to enter it well and rebuild myself through it.
I am currently unemployed, this most recent period of unemployment has been 5 months. I am in week 3 of a 6 week recovery from a total abdominal hysterectomy. The week prior to my surgery I took a 5 day in person Level 1 RV tech service class co-sponsored by RV Technical Institute & RV Women’s Alliance - both of which I learned about via Reddit. Apparently there is high demand for RV techs and while the entry salary is $40-50K when you are certified you can make 6 figures (entry and later have 401K match - this is important to know later on). They work M-F 40 hours, no weekends. Day 4 of class I was verbally offered a job - they are waiting on my doctors clearance to work. I loved my time meeting these folks and learning the industry. I passed the class and its exam, and the job offer company offered to pay for the remainder of my certification.
I applied to take the Level 1 class because I want to RV part-time. I don’t yet own an RV, I watch a lot of YouTube & camped about 3 times in my adult life. I love being outdoors, I wanted this to become a post-retirement hobby. I’m thinking Class B van. When I became unemployed, I considered what are the best opportunities of things I enjoy to make lifelong income?
As this was happening a statewide nonprofit offered me a job right away - I applied for one job and they considered me for 3 roles, they are putting me in the highest paying role of the 3 (about $80K, 401K employer match, fully remote but must reside in-state). I am happy they are excited about hiring me but super leery due to my recent past. This job is in my career field and a very different role. 2024 is my 31st year in my career. Almost 4 years ago, the onset of severe perimenopause symptoms upended my entire life. I had just left my job of longest employment of 8 years (began at 55K, left at $68K) for another job in the same organization that paid $115K and seemed like a reach. It was, I wasn’t a good fit and I quit 8 months later. Over my 8 months unemployment without benefits I decided to sell my house I’d owned & lived in 7 years to a broker, allowing me to break even and move out quickly (I had no help moving & moved myself). I took another job as I moved in with family, that job ($70K) would have been perfect but the org foundemy boss was not willing to do what was needed and necessary to make the job manageable and practical. I quit 8 months later and was able to secure unemployment benefits.
The new statewide nonprofit job asked me candidly about my last job -I was honest about my shortcomings & contributions, as well as the environment. I encouraged them to contact my references, who know my shortcomings and how a truly developmental environment would aid me in finally overcoming them. They are still excited to finalize the job offer. I expect they will by this Friday & then I will contact the RV company declining their job offer. But, I want to stay close to RV’ing.
I also am launching a lifelong side business based off of lessons learned from what I most enjoyed about my career in community development - I will soft launch in June with a hard launch planned in early 2025, it’s a virtual space as I want my work from now on to be home-based and/or fully remote; and I am getting through these tough baby “how to start an LLC in my state” baby steps.
I am never married, no kids. I last dated in 2004. I had a 17 year FWB 2004-2022. I tried an international non-denominational church on and off from 1996-2002, 2011-2014, and 2020-2023. I found that church isn’t really prepared to serve or engage older folks so I am not sure I’ll return & I am doubting joining any church as a senior single.
I am the youngest sibling but the one charged with being responsible for my immediate family. My parents, divorced, are 80 & 82. My next oldest sibling is 58. The three of them are chronically ill. I am healthy & trying my best to stay that way and improve it. My older sibling has lived with one parent for about 4-5 years. I’ve been here just over 1 year. I plan to move out into a housing cooperative apartment ASAP (if approved, their “rent” is a fraction of traditional rent).
I spent my life’s savings & retirement the past 4 years to now. I believe having a community of support will be crucial as I age - if I become sick where I cannot work, there is no one to support me. I never have had friends - I have many acquaintances & 1 friend of 30 years. I have never dated more than 2 years but almost all my exes tried to befriend me after apologizing to me about our relationship. I can think of 3 men whom if I said yes to dating them my life would have been different but I simply did not want to & it’s hard to regret that. I do not believe someone will emerge to date now whom I will be attracted to, who actively wants to be healthy & will be with me in my healing into my best self. That makes me sad and holds me back.
I do not want to be sad so much or depressed so often - it comes from never belonging. I am not perfect, I know my flaws & I try to be honest about them as I work on them (learned that as I began my career & never stopped). But I failed in my view, I don’t have a life where I feel whole & fulfilled. All I have written here are my attempts in progress to rebuild not just my income and life’s savings, but to do so as I build my best life. I tried my best and nothing worked out. I’m taking things slower than I have and I ask myself if what I am doing brings me freedom, peace & joy.
How should I change my view/my mindset as I rebuild? Other specific advice?
submitted by Dangerous-Ad3495 to AskOldPeopleAdvice [link] [comments]
For those willing to give solid advice: I am on the verge of what could be a new chaptephase of life and I want to prepare now to enter it well and rebuild myself through it.
I am currently unemployed, this most recent period of unemployment has been 5 months. I am in week 3 of a 6 week recovery from a total abdominal hysterectomy. The week prior to my surgery I took a 5 day in person Level 1 RV tech service class co-sponsored by RV Technical Institute & RV Women’s Alliance - both of which I learned about via Reddit. Apparently there is high demand for RV techs and while the entry salary is $40-50K when you are certified you can make 6 figures (entry and later have 401K match - this is important to know later on). They work M-F 40 hours, no weekends. Day 4 of class I was verbally offered a job - they are waiting on my doctors clearance to work. I loved my time meeting these folks and learning the industry. I passed the class and its exam, and the job offer company offered to pay for the remainder of my certification.
I applied to take the Level 1 class because I want to RV part-time. I don’t yet own an RV, I watch a lot of YouTube & camped about 3 times in my adult life. I love being outdoors, I wanted this to become a post-retirement hobby. I’m thinking Class B van. When I became unemployed, I considered what are the best opportunities of things I enjoy to make lifelong income?
As this was happening a statewide nonprofit offered me a job right away - I applied for one job and they considered me for 3 roles, they are putting me in the highest paying role of the 3 (about $80K, 401K employer match, fully remote but must reside in-state). I am happy they are excited about hiring me but super leery due to my recent past. This job is in my career field and a very different role. 2024 is my 31st year in my career. Almost 4 years ago, the onset of severe perimenopause symptoms upended my entire life. I had just left my job of longest employment of 8 years (began at 55K, left at $68K) for another job in the same organization that paid $115K and seemed like a reach. It was, I wasn’t a good fit and I quit 8 months later. Over my 8 months unemployment without benefits I decided to sell my house I’d owned & lived in 7 years to a broker, allowing me to break even and move out quickly (I had no help moving & moved myself). I took another job as I moved in with family, that job ($70K) would have been perfect but the org foundemy boss was not willing to do what was needed and necessary to make the job manageable and practical. I quit 8 months later and was able to secure unemployment benefits.
The new statewide nonprofit job asked me candidly about my last job -I was honest about my shortcomings & contributions, as well as the environment. I encouraged them to contact my references, who know my shortcomings and how a truly developmental environment would aid me in finally overcoming them. They are still excited to finalize the job offer. I expect they will by this Friday & then I will contact the RV company declining their job offer. But, I want to stay close to RV’ing.
I also am launching a lifelong side business based off of lessons learned from what I most enjoyed about my career in community development - I will soft launch in June with a hard launch planned in early 2025, it’s a virtual space as I want my work from now on to be home-based and/or fully remote; and I am getting through these tough baby “how to start an LLC in my state” baby steps.
I am never married, no kids. I last dated in 2004. I had a 17 year FWB 2004-2022. I tried an international non-denominational church on and off from 1996-2002, 2011-2014, and 2020-2023. I found that church isn’t really prepared to serve or engage older folks so I am not sure I’ll return & I am doubting joining any church as a senior single.
I am the youngest sibling but the one charged with being responsible for my immediate family. My parents, divorced, are 80 & 82. My next oldest sibling is 58. The three of them are chronically ill. I am healthy & trying my best to stay that way and improve it. My older sibling has lived with one parent for about 4-5 years. I’ve been here just over 1 year. I plan to move out into a housing cooperative apartment ASAP (if approved, their “rent” is a fraction of traditional rent).
I spent my life’s savings & retirement the past 4 years to now. I believe having a community of support will be crucial as I age - if I become sick where I cannot work, there is no one to support me. I never have had friends - I have many acquaintances & 1 friend of 30 years. I have never dated more than 2 years but almost all my exes tried to befriend me after apologizing to me about our relationship. I can think of 3 men whom if I said yes to dating them my life would have been different but I simply did not want to & it’s hard to regret that. I do not believe someone will emerge to date now whom I will be attracted to, who actively wants to be healthy & will be with me in my healing into my best self. That makes me sad and holds me back.
I do not want to be sad so much or depressed so often - it comes from never belonging. I am not perfect, I know my flaws & I try to be honest about them as I work on them (learned that as I began my career & never stopped). But I failed in my view, I don’t have a life where I feel whole & fulfilled. All I have written here are my attempts in progress to rebuild not just my income and life’s savings, but to do so as I build my best life. I tried my best and nothing worked out. I’m taking things slower than I have and I ask myself if what I am doing brings me freedom, peace & joy.
How should I change my view/my mindset as I rebuild? Other specific advice?
2024.05.16 00:18 Bang_Whimper Urgent advice needed on setting myself up for success
Hi! I'm pretty terrified on making things worse and indecision will definitely do that in this case. My divorce just went through and I'm looking at almost 100k in TSP from my ex's retirement fund. I have dyscalculia and my ex was mostly responsible for paying the bills and managing "wealth". I was mostly a stay-at-home mom, so I wasn't really able to make my own money or manage a career. It's a long story, so I'll try to leave you with just facts and issues I'm hoping to resolve.
* I have 96K, pre-tax, in a TSP account that needs to be reinvested somewhere by the end of this month, otherwise it'll be sent to me in cash (with taxes taken out already, I believe). I might be able to take out 10k in hardship, but I'm not sure what qualifies as hardship.
* I was injured pretty badly at my job about a year ago and after a year of fighting with work comp to get the treatments I need, I had to resort to getting a lawyer. I won 15K recently that I should see within 30 days (minus 15% for the lawyer), but that was only backpay since I had to go to part-time from full-time. The other half of of the lawsuit is still going and they're trying to settle before trial. My dr. informed me yesterday that my injury is pretty permanent, an impingement stenosis of the L5S1. Treatments will help, but I will likely be in pain for the rest of my life. It has changed my life significantly as I did jui jitsu, rollerskating, gymnastics, etc. before getting hurt. It has been 17 months since I got hurt and I'm not able to go back to those yet.
* I make about $2000 a month at my job, which I will be fired from immediately following settling or winning my case. This should be happening in the next few months. I don't want to work in hospitality anmore, at least not in restaurants.
* I don't have a car. I'm taking ubers and lyfts to work mostly. It ends up being around $500 a month, but to get to work is an 8 min drive vs. a 45-60 min bus to tram with a 15 min walk on a bad hip. I haven't been able to afford a because of the cut hours / not knowing how to manage money well.
* I have a 10K debt in collection. It was my first credit card in my own name and I let my first post-separation boyfriend talk me into giving him money, fund "our' business, pay all the rent and bills for a year+ during covid for 3 people. It was supposed to be an investment in our new life and new business. He is a dangerous person and I hope he pays me back someday, but we'll see. He is paying me on an official 20K loan every month at about $388 a month.
* I have about $1450 in monthly support.
* If I get the treatments I need, I might be able to have a physically laborious job, but I won't know for sure until I get them. PRP and stem cell therapy is very expensive. I would like to go to school to be a hair dresser or a nurse, but that's physically demanding. I have various interests, but I'm looking for a career that I might be able to do at home. Nurse seems out of the ballpark for me, but I loved doing CNA work years ago. Medicine and care have always interested me. I'm forty but I look 28-32, I'm described as attractive, thin and curvy (slim-thick) so a public-facing job wouldn't be out of the question. I don't have a limp or anything visual disabilities from the injury; I'm just in pain all the time. I pick things up quickly and I'm creative in various ways.
* I grew up in the Netherlands, but lost my citizenship a few years ago. I could move back if that would be beneficial somehow. Getting my citizenship back would take about 6 months and about 3k, last I checked.
* No health insurance.
What do I do with the 96k? What should I pay off the debt collection in full or try to settle? Or, buy a car first? I would love to feel like I can have a fresh start, but it's overwhelming. What would you do in my situation? I need advice. I'll do my best to answer any clarifying questions. TIA!
*Edit: I should add that my income is about $3,838. My rent and utilities add up up to about $830. Cellphone is $154 but IDK why so I need to handle that. Food is around $500 but I'm cutting down on that. Layaway trip: $147. $64 in subscriptions. I give my roommates about $50 a month in gas, too. That's about $2500 in expenses. I can break it down more, if needed.
submitted by Bang_Whimper to FinancialPlanning [link] [comments]
* I have 96K, pre-tax, in a TSP account that needs to be reinvested somewhere by the end of this month, otherwise it'll be sent to me in cash (with taxes taken out already, I believe). I might be able to take out 10k in hardship, but I'm not sure what qualifies as hardship.
* I was injured pretty badly at my job about a year ago and after a year of fighting with work comp to get the treatments I need, I had to resort to getting a lawyer. I won 15K recently that I should see within 30 days (minus 15% for the lawyer), but that was only backpay since I had to go to part-time from full-time. The other half of of the lawsuit is still going and they're trying to settle before trial. My dr. informed me yesterday that my injury is pretty permanent, an impingement stenosis of the L5S1. Treatments will help, but I will likely be in pain for the rest of my life. It has changed my life significantly as I did jui jitsu, rollerskating, gymnastics, etc. before getting hurt. It has been 17 months since I got hurt and I'm not able to go back to those yet.
* I make about $2000 a month at my job, which I will be fired from immediately following settling or winning my case. This should be happening in the next few months. I don't want to work in hospitality anmore, at least not in restaurants.
* I don't have a car. I'm taking ubers and lyfts to work mostly. It ends up being around $500 a month, but to get to work is an 8 min drive vs. a 45-60 min bus to tram with a 15 min walk on a bad hip. I haven't been able to afford a because of the cut hours / not knowing how to manage money well.
* I have a 10K debt in collection. It was my first credit card in my own name and I let my first post-separation boyfriend talk me into giving him money, fund "our' business, pay all the rent and bills for a year+ during covid for 3 people. It was supposed to be an investment in our new life and new business. He is a dangerous person and I hope he pays me back someday, but we'll see. He is paying me on an official 20K loan every month at about $388 a month.
* I have about $1450 in monthly support.
* If I get the treatments I need, I might be able to have a physically laborious job, but I won't know for sure until I get them. PRP and stem cell therapy is very expensive. I would like to go to school to be a hair dresser or a nurse, but that's physically demanding. I have various interests, but I'm looking for a career that I might be able to do at home. Nurse seems out of the ballpark for me, but I loved doing CNA work years ago. Medicine and care have always interested me. I'm forty but I look 28-32, I'm described as attractive, thin and curvy (slim-thick) so a public-facing job wouldn't be out of the question. I don't have a limp or anything visual disabilities from the injury; I'm just in pain all the time. I pick things up quickly and I'm creative in various ways.
* I grew up in the Netherlands, but lost my citizenship a few years ago. I could move back if that would be beneficial somehow. Getting my citizenship back would take about 6 months and about 3k, last I checked.
* No health insurance.
What do I do with the 96k? What should I pay off the debt collection in full or try to settle? Or, buy a car first? I would love to feel like I can have a fresh start, but it's overwhelming. What would you do in my situation? I need advice. I'll do my best to answer any clarifying questions. TIA!
*Edit: I should add that my income is about $3,838. My rent and utilities add up up to about $830. Cellphone is $154 but IDK why so I need to handle that. Food is around $500 but I'm cutting down on that. Layaway trip: $147. $64 in subscriptions. I give my roommates about $50 a month in gas, too. That's about $2500 in expenses. I can break it down more, if needed.
2024.05.16 00:05 MistyRain006 Please help
Please, I just need advice. My home is by no means a bad place at all, but I just can’t remain living here. I have absolutely no where else to go because I still rely on my mom to take me everywhere, including my place of work. I’m trying to get a bike but things just keep popping up. I 100% need to buy from a reliable brand, such as Fuji, because I have to bike to college everyday starting August, which is nearly an hour away. My mom wants me to buy clothes for a trip to Europe I payed off during my senior year, and that would be nice, but I just can’t afford much anymore. But onto the context behind the advice I need: When I was 14, I wanted a kitten more than anything. I was really isolated then and did everything possible to get one, even things I’m not proud of. Eventually I did end up going to the shelter to get a kitten, but there weren’t any available and I ended up taking a puppy home. I loved this puppy. He still is my baby. He was 2 months old when I got him. At the time, my dad was living with my family and he was extremely abusive. My dog would never leave my side because I was so scared something would happen to him, so scared he would nip my dad and cause my father would lose it, but there wasn’t anything I could do. My fears came true when puppy started pissing everytime he saw my dad. When he was around 3 1/2 months old, my parents got divorced. My father couldn’t handle it and forced my siblings and I to go with him to Alabama in his small truck. I was devastated when I couldn’t bring my puppy. My mom promised to take care of him. She promised. After about a month in, my dad decided to make a trip to Ohio without anyone knowing to see my mom, but I caught him leaving at 7:00 a.m. and that’s how I ended up going back with him. A little background info, we had three other animals (2 other dogs, and a cat). As we were arriving, I saw that none of our lights were on, which was already a red flag as the kitchen light above the sink was ALWAYS on. I already had a sinking feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. All of the doors were locked and my mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway. I stood on my dad’s shoulders as I used a shovel to pry a low window open, climb in, and unlock the front door for my dad. I focused on unlocking the door and didn’t bother turning on the lights, but our Great Dane (the oldest of the three dogs) met me in her excitement. When he got in, we turned on the lights and it was horrible. 2 emaciated puppies in a cage filled with shit, crying to be let out. Shit all over the bottom floor of our house. I let the puppies out and ran upstairs to find that out cat didn’t have any food or water, mind you she was 8 at the time. We actually just ended up putting her down at 12 around 2 weeks ago. Well, all of this was just the beginning. It left my dog with severe food aggression. The first experience I handled was when I accidentally dropped a piece of chicken at the top of the stairs and when I was reaching to get it from me dog, he went ballistic and attacked my hand. I’d cry over that for a long time, but I wouldn’t give up on him. He ran away constantly. Bit. And did a lot more that would make him a “bad dog,” but he wasn’t ever a bad dog. He really wasn’t. That same night I found our animals, I had no choice but to go back to Alabama. My dad didn’t care. I begged to stay, but at the end of the day, my siblings were still in another state alone. I called my mom, who didn’t know we were in Ohio, crying, asking why she’s been lying to me about being home. She’d sent pictures to prove she was there, but I knew she wasnt. We all came back that next day after being kicked out of our aunt’s place. Fast forward a few weeks, we move in a trailer park around an hour and 1/2 away from my original home. We obviously brought my puppy, but we also brought my mom’s Great Dane. My mom was gone before I left school to work. I was alone with both of these dogs everyday and it was hard. Hard to walk either dog, both of which weren’t trained. My puppy was my priority. I could get into a lot more, but fast forward a few years, and I’m 18 now. My dog is doing great. My mom selfishly got a husky puppy 3 days after we put our cat down, and it’s making it hard on my dog. Her new husky bites him relentlessly and won’t get out of my dog’s face. The Great Dane hasn’t been here for a few years now, because my dad ended up moving in with us briefly and let her outside to go potty without a leash attached and she ended up biting a dog. She was sent to live on an actual farm, and she’s thriving. But that means my dogs been alone for years as the only dog. Aside from being great, his biggest issue is recourse guarding. There has been a single “fight” but it was quickly split up and hasn’t happened again (mainly because I keep the dogs separated, which pisses off my mom). As I was saying earlier, I can’t handle living here anymore. The fighting is constant and I just don’t think I can forgive her for anything. My uncle who is now living with us is truly a piece of shit. I don’t want to see my dog go back down the whole. For the first few years of his life, my mom wouldn’t help with anything. She told me I couldn’t go anywhere, that it wasn’t her job to watch him. Ever. My sister willing watches him all the time, but my mom will still get onto me about it not being her job. Recently, though my father is shitty, I went to stay with him because he was offering to give me $100 for my grad. Ceremony (and I needed the money). I told my mom that my dog couldn’t go, because I promised myself I’d never put my dog in danger again. I love him more than anything, but I don’t know how long I can do this. All of this. I refuse to get rid of him, part not being able to and part being selfish. I don’t know what I’ll do when college starts and I can’t afford a bike, meaning I can’t go full time to eventually get my own place. My only dream was to live with my dog, in a place of our own that we could call home, but that dream is getting more distant by the day. I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want years of this hopelessness. I want to get myself out of this bad situation. But I don’t have anyone.
submitted by MistyRain006 to DogAdvice [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 23:43 squirrels_arent_cool I Screwed Up With a Cancer Woman, Seeking Advice
I am a Virgo, Cancer Moon, and was married to a covert narcissist, who love bombed and masked until we were married, and was a horrific spouse, lots of verbal abuse. We have been separated for 2 yrs. Recently, I met this Cancer woman right before I was going to file for divorce(was married for health insurance, but am not close with ex at all). This Cancerian came on really strong, and it felt like lovebombing. I now realize it was adhd hyperfixation. Still not that healthy, but not as pernicious as lovebombing.
I told her about my separation after our second date. She has been divorced 3 times, which along with the assumed lovebombing, made me keep my guard up. So, I finally tell her that I am planning on filing now that I have had a major surgery on this insurance, and at first she says it's fine, as long as I act quickly, and no sex until it's finalized so I don't get in trouble for adultery. The next day she decides she cannot forgive this lie by omission, she says how would you expect someone with 3 divorces to be understanding that you kept this from me. Two days pass, she's not responding to my texts, I send proof I filed for divorce, she responds immediately, good luck to you on your journey. I went radio silent after that. Is there any way she might give me a second chance?
submitted by squirrels_arent_cool to astrologymemes [link] [comments]
I told her about my separation after our second date. She has been divorced 3 times, which along with the assumed lovebombing, made me keep my guard up. So, I finally tell her that I am planning on filing now that I have had a major surgery on this insurance, and at first she says it's fine, as long as I act quickly, and no sex until it's finalized so I don't get in trouble for adultery. The next day she decides she cannot forgive this lie by omission, she says how would you expect someone with 3 divorces to be understanding that you kept this from me. Two days pass, she's not responding to my texts, I send proof I filed for divorce, she responds immediately, good luck to you on your journey. I went radio silent after that. Is there any way she might give me a second chance?
2024.05.15 23:29 ProbablyyComplaining I (26) want to leave my husband (26) but I’m too embarrassed.
We jumped into marriage quickly. Too quickly. Things were so great. He treated me like I have never been treated before. He said all the right things. He made me feel so good.
It was a long distance relationship. We met on an app as he was driving through my state (Kansas) for work. He lived in Florida. We talked on FaceTime almost 24/7 about 2-3 months with weekend visits. After those 2 or 3 months, he packed up everything and moved to Kansas to be with me. Everything was great. We were so happy, never fought, and created so many memories together.
Fast forward about 4-5 months later, 7 months into the relationship. He proposed. I of course said yes. Why wouldn’t I? Everything was perfect and I wasn’t thinking about anything except for that.
A month later we got married. I can’t quite remember why we jumped to marriage so quickly after the engagement, but we did. My grandpa married us with my mom, step dad and grandma there to “celebrate” with us.
Fast forward to the past 2 or 3 months. Everything is a fight. And I can’t figure out why. He’s constantly pointing out how awful I am, how I’m full of drama because I cry too much, and threatening to leave me. I’m no saint, don’t get me wrong. I’ve yelled also. I’ve called him names. I’ve blown up his phone when he’s ignoring me. But when I look back at all of our fights, I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve all of this. Yes, I fight back. But I can’t see what I’m doing to start this. He calls me oblivious, and maybe I am. Because I just don’t understand.
We’ve been married for 11 months, almost to the day. Our wedding reception is in 10 days. We are celebrating our marriage with our family. But right now I’m wondering what the hell we are even celebrating.
An example I’ll use is today. I was going over what’s left to be done before the reception. I told him next Friday we need to get all of the alcohol, soda, juice, and water, but we should wait until next week because there will be lots of Memorial Day deals. I told him the amount of everything I think we should get. That included me saying one two liter of sprite. He responded with “I think we should get two”. I marked it down and said okay. I then said “I just don’t want to get too much of everything and waste money. If we run out, we run out. There will be more stuff to drink.” I didn’t say it in an aggressive manner and I didn’t mean it in a way of saying we shouldn’t get two. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, I don’t know, but I did. And he responded with “you know what, you figure it out. You control everything and want everything your way. You’re controlling and annoying.” All because of a two liter of sprite.
That’s how life is. I’m walking on eggshells. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but that’s how it feels. Everything is a fight. It’s usually all verbal and emotional despite one time of physical, but it’s still a fight. I’m just tired of it. Is this really what my life will be? Most days I just want to leave. To save myself my sanity. But I’m embarrassed. We got married so quick and have only been married 11 months. It would be so embarrassing to get a divorce. I just don’t know what to do.
submitted by ProbablyyComplaining to Marriage [link] [comments]
It was a long distance relationship. We met on an app as he was driving through my state (Kansas) for work. He lived in Florida. We talked on FaceTime almost 24/7 about 2-3 months with weekend visits. After those 2 or 3 months, he packed up everything and moved to Kansas to be with me. Everything was great. We were so happy, never fought, and created so many memories together.
Fast forward about 4-5 months later, 7 months into the relationship. He proposed. I of course said yes. Why wouldn’t I? Everything was perfect and I wasn’t thinking about anything except for that.
A month later we got married. I can’t quite remember why we jumped to marriage so quickly after the engagement, but we did. My grandpa married us with my mom, step dad and grandma there to “celebrate” with us.
Fast forward to the past 2 or 3 months. Everything is a fight. And I can’t figure out why. He’s constantly pointing out how awful I am, how I’m full of drama because I cry too much, and threatening to leave me. I’m no saint, don’t get me wrong. I’ve yelled also. I’ve called him names. I’ve blown up his phone when he’s ignoring me. But when I look back at all of our fights, I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve all of this. Yes, I fight back. But I can’t see what I’m doing to start this. He calls me oblivious, and maybe I am. Because I just don’t understand.
We’ve been married for 11 months, almost to the day. Our wedding reception is in 10 days. We are celebrating our marriage with our family. But right now I’m wondering what the hell we are even celebrating.
An example I’ll use is today. I was going over what’s left to be done before the reception. I told him next Friday we need to get all of the alcohol, soda, juice, and water, but we should wait until next week because there will be lots of Memorial Day deals. I told him the amount of everything I think we should get. That included me saying one two liter of sprite. He responded with “I think we should get two”. I marked it down and said okay. I then said “I just don’t want to get too much of everything and waste money. If we run out, we run out. There will be more stuff to drink.” I didn’t say it in an aggressive manner and I didn’t mean it in a way of saying we shouldn’t get two. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, I don’t know, but I did. And he responded with “you know what, you figure it out. You control everything and want everything your way. You’re controlling and annoying.” All because of a two liter of sprite.
That’s how life is. I’m walking on eggshells. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but that’s how it feels. Everything is a fight. It’s usually all verbal and emotional despite one time of physical, but it’s still a fight. I’m just tired of it. Is this really what my life will be? Most days I just want to leave. To save myself my sanity. But I’m embarrassed. We got married so quick and have only been married 11 months. It would be so embarrassing to get a divorce. I just don’t know what to do.
2024.05.15 23:28 No-Kangaroo7745 I Married A Man And Got A Extra Cock ?
I admittedly stole my older step sister's boyfriend. I knew that he was attracted to me because I was very pretty and I took every opportunity to expose myself to him (I was a small 18 ) when he would come to pick up my sister. I would time it with perfection to walk from the bathroom completely nude in the hallway so that he could see me, I was younger than my sister, alot younger and always horny. Thanks to my grandpa, his cock was my trainer .
I married my stolen man when I turned 18 ,he was 37, divorced with a son that was 18 years old. He and I were mistaken as brother and sister a few times funny stuff to him and I..
I was admittedly a total slut all through school, my husband had never hooked up with anyone like me. My two best girlfriends and I got naked with him in the first month that we were dating. That night was responsible for getting him his first FMF threesomes and hooking him on me , the horny teenage slut..a well earned title.
We joined a nudist resort in California and my stepson went with us each time we went. Harmless family nudity, until he and I were alone in our huge old farmhouse.
My husband, his father, traveled a lot.. gone for days. My stepson had grown into a handsome athletic guy. I was still a horny slut at heart, and I couldn't resist drawing him into my panties.
One steaming hot day I was getting ready to take a shower, I asked him "would you like to take a shower with me?"Come on it'll be fun?."
It didn't take long to convince him that he and I could keep a secret. His face was between my soapy boobs, I had liquid soap all over me and he was enjoying playing with my enhanced beautiful titties.
I noticed that he had become hard immediately after getting into the shower. "Noah, is it okay if I do this"? as I grabbed his hard cock with my soapy hand?." "Wow.. okay.. I guess"?he whispered as he looked down at my hand stroking his cock and cupping his balls with my other soapy hand .
He got much harder as I squeezed and teased his straining cocks head..and "soapy" jacked him .
I spread my legs and said "will you touch me here,?" before he could answer I placed his hand on my bald soapy, slippery shaven pussy.
Oh gosh mom ," it's so soft and slippery " He started moving his fingers inside my wet crack, it was his new moms pussy, and he quickly realized, as I was jacking his erection ,that he now owned that pussy, to have, and to finger ,and certainty to fuck.
I began jerking him faster and faster, I took my free hand and pressed it over his hand and pushed two of his fingers deep inside my pussy lips, I used his fingers to rub my swollen clit side to side , faster and faster, soapy water flying everywhere.
I started shaking and moaning , a massive climax and ecstasy made me almost fall in the shower.
He was still rock hard, but freaked out.. what happened? Are you okay, did I hurt your...I stopped him before he could finish talking.
"I'm fine honey," I looked into his eyes and as I was still squeezing his cock I said "let's dry off and go to your room okay?" And that was how the rest of his formative years began, and my future secret life being my big strong 18-year-old studs own personal cum dump .
( My son was over 18 and not forced, coerced, or tricked into masturbating with his new bashful stepmommy .)..
[ this is a revised version of a confession blocked for alleged under age content. ( reminder..everyone was 18 and more..in the steamy shower)..
submitted by No-Kangaroo7745 to IncestuousMemories [link] [comments]
I married my stolen man when I turned 18 ,he was 37, divorced with a son that was 18 years old. He and I were mistaken as brother and sister a few times funny stuff to him and I..
I was admittedly a total slut all through school, my husband had never hooked up with anyone like me. My two best girlfriends and I got naked with him in the first month that we were dating. That night was responsible for getting him his first FMF threesomes and hooking him on me , the horny teenage slut..a well earned title.
We joined a nudist resort in California and my stepson went with us each time we went. Harmless family nudity, until he and I were alone in our huge old farmhouse.
My husband, his father, traveled a lot.. gone for days. My stepson had grown into a handsome athletic guy. I was still a horny slut at heart, and I couldn't resist drawing him into my panties.
One steaming hot day I was getting ready to take a shower, I asked him "would you like to take a shower with me?"Come on it'll be fun?."
It didn't take long to convince him that he and I could keep a secret. His face was between my soapy boobs, I had liquid soap all over me and he was enjoying playing with my enhanced beautiful titties.
I noticed that he had become hard immediately after getting into the shower. "Noah, is it okay if I do this"? as I grabbed his hard cock with my soapy hand?." "Wow.. okay.. I guess"?he whispered as he looked down at my hand stroking his cock and cupping his balls with my other soapy hand .
He got much harder as I squeezed and teased his straining cocks head..and "soapy" jacked him .
I spread my legs and said "will you touch me here,?" before he could answer I placed his hand on my bald soapy, slippery shaven pussy.
Oh gosh mom ," it's so soft and slippery " He started moving his fingers inside my wet crack, it was his new moms pussy, and he quickly realized, as I was jacking his erection ,that he now owned that pussy, to have, and to finger ,and certainty to fuck.
I began jerking him faster and faster, I took my free hand and pressed it over his hand and pushed two of his fingers deep inside my pussy lips, I used his fingers to rub my swollen clit side to side , faster and faster, soapy water flying everywhere.
I started shaking and moaning , a massive climax and ecstasy made me almost fall in the shower.
He was still rock hard, but freaked out.. what happened? Are you okay, did I hurt your...I stopped him before he could finish talking.
"I'm fine honey," I looked into his eyes and as I was still squeezing his cock I said "let's dry off and go to your room okay?" And that was how the rest of his formative years began, and my future secret life being my big strong 18-year-old studs own personal cum dump .
( My son was over 18 and not forced, coerced, or tricked into masturbating with his new bashful stepmommy .)..
[ this is a revised version of a confession blocked for alleged under age content. ( reminder..everyone was 18 and more..in the steamy shower)..
2024.05.15 23:26 Weird_Kiwi_1677 Can you help me find my catfish?
Trying to find a Catfish (Chicago/Yorkville area)
So, this is my first ever redit post so please let me know if there is something I'm missing or shouldn't be in here.
So this is an extremely long and tangled story that I'm going to point form but I met a person on an app called Sober Grid in 2019 when I was attempting to gain support for quitting smoking weed. (Backstory my now xhusband had me convinced I was addicted and was ruining my life- to him I needed to quite)
I quickly made a connection with an individual from Chicago Illinois who presented to be a recovering addict trying to help others on the app to be sober and for himself to remain sober.
We talked steady on the app for a short period of time then moved to what's up app. Yes I was married at the time, yes it was a horrible idea and yes I was the asshole in this situation when it comes down to that. But that's not the point of this post... That could be its own post haha...
Anyways, we carried on conversation and became quite close over that time. He seemed to genuinely care about me, took interest in my life, and we just genuinely grew a natural connection and feelings. This continued over 3-4 years- 1 and 1/2 while married and then the remainder of the time I was seperated/divorced.
Fast forward to now finding out the person I was speaking to was not who they presented themselves to be. He sent me hundreds of photos throughout our "relationship" but after finding out about face ID I found out he was using photos of an Italian soccer player. And when confronted has not answered and never has.
So I am reaching out to good old Redit! I just want to find some closure and know who the fuck was on the other end for those 3-4years. Also curious to see if I was the other women as I now have my suspicions.Before I get asked if we had face timed, We did attempt to FaceTime multiple occasions but he was "busy" or I was unable to pick up (which he knew) but we had multiple phone calls a day.
So about him: - he claimed to have been a US Marine who had resigned and started a typical life. He expressed struggling alot with war PTSD after witnessing many traumatic events and being shot. - he claims to be a Nicor pipe fitter in the Chicago/Yorkville area - has expressed that his parents passed away when he was super young, struggled with homelessness in highschool due to this and was in foster care but had a horrible experience. - he was going by the name Michael and his last name starts with an A - I have both cell phone numbers he called from - was a personal trainer for classes at a YMCA in Yorkville
If this sounds familiar I would love to hear from you! If you have more questions I'll answer the best I can.
Help me catch this catfish Redit.
submitted by Weird_Kiwi_1677 to dating_advice [link] [comments]
So, this is my first ever redit post so please let me know if there is something I'm missing or shouldn't be in here.
So this is an extremely long and tangled story that I'm going to point form but I met a person on an app called Sober Grid in 2019 when I was attempting to gain support for quitting smoking weed. (Backstory my now xhusband had me convinced I was addicted and was ruining my life- to him I needed to quite)
I quickly made a connection with an individual from Chicago Illinois who presented to be a recovering addict trying to help others on the app to be sober and for himself to remain sober.
We talked steady on the app for a short period of time then moved to what's up app. Yes I was married at the time, yes it was a horrible idea and yes I was the asshole in this situation when it comes down to that. But that's not the point of this post... That could be its own post haha...
Anyways, we carried on conversation and became quite close over that time. He seemed to genuinely care about me, took interest in my life, and we just genuinely grew a natural connection and feelings. This continued over 3-4 years- 1 and 1/2 while married and then the remainder of the time I was seperated/divorced.
Fast forward to now finding out the person I was speaking to was not who they presented themselves to be. He sent me hundreds of photos throughout our "relationship" but after finding out about face ID I found out he was using photos of an Italian soccer player. And when confronted has not answered and never has.
So I am reaching out to good old Redit! I just want to find some closure and know who the fuck was on the other end for those 3-4years. Also curious to see if I was the other women as I now have my suspicions.Before I get asked if we had face timed, We did attempt to FaceTime multiple occasions but he was "busy" or I was unable to pick up (which he knew) but we had multiple phone calls a day.
So about him: - he claimed to have been a US Marine who had resigned and started a typical life. He expressed struggling alot with war PTSD after witnessing many traumatic events and being shot. - he claims to be a Nicor pipe fitter in the Chicago/Yorkville area - has expressed that his parents passed away when he was super young, struggled with homelessness in highschool due to this and was in foster care but had a horrible experience. - he was going by the name Michael and his last name starts with an A - I have both cell phone numbers he called from - was a personal trainer for classes at a YMCA in Yorkville
If this sounds familiar I would love to hear from you! If you have more questions I'll answer the best I can.
Help me catch this catfish Redit.
2024.05.15 22:35 WCInvestor A Physician Disability Insurance Primer - Do You Really Need It?
 | The greatest financial risk for physicians is losing the ability to turn the knowledge and skills you spent a decade learning into a huge pile of money by working in your profession for decades. There are risks that could show up in your life that would prevent you from being able to accomplish this task. One of the most common of these risks is an extended or even permanent disability. Insurance companies estimate that as many as one in seven doctors will be disabled at some point during their career. While many imagine this will occur in a sudden traumatic accident, medical illness is actually a more common cause of disability that prevents a doctor from working. Physician disability is a complicated type of insurance. This post will give you the “must-know” information to secure the best protection and help you avoid common disability insurance mistakes. submitted by WCInvestor to whitecoatinvestor [link] [comments] TL;DR: Key Takeaways: What Doctors Need to Know About Disability Insurance
What Is Disability Insurance?Disability insurance gives you an income to live on if you become so disabled that you can no longer work.If you become disabled, a long-term disability insurance policy pays a predetermined amount each month until you either recover from your disability or reach age 65-67. (Note: Policies vary. It is possible to buy a policy that pays to age 70 or even, for a very high premium, until death). Why Do Physicians Need Disability Insurance?One out of seven doctors end up having to use their disability insurance. Losing the ability to turn the knowledge and skills you spent a decade learning into a pile of money by working in your profession for decades is one of the most expensive risks that physicians face. Your most valuable asset is your ability to work.How Does Disability Insurance Work?Disability insurance is a pretty straightforward proposition. You buy a policy and pay your premium monthly or annually. If you become disabled, you (and your doctor) fill out the paperwork to prove it to the satisfaction of the insurance company and then they pay you the promised monthly benefit until you either recover from your disability or the insurance company meets its contractual obligation to pay the benefit.Short-Term vs. Long-Term DisabilityDisability insurance is most commonly divided into short-term and long-term.Short-Term DisabilityA short-term disability policy generally begins paying just as soon as you get disabled and then pays for a maximum period of 3-24 months. These policies are often provided by an employer as an employee benefit. Short-term disability, while inconvenient financially, is not generally a financial catastrophe for a physician saving for retirement with an emergency fund. As a result, many doctors do not buy short-term disability policies at all.Long-Term DisabilityA long-term disability policy generally does not pay immediately, but only begins to pay after a waiting period ranging from 1-24 months (typically 3 months). Then, the policy will continue to pay you a benefit each month until age 65, 67, or 70, depending on the policy. Note that a 3 month waiting period typically means your first check won't come until the end of the first month after the 3 months, so it's really a 4 month waiting period. Since losing your ability to earn a living for the rest of your life is a financial catastrophe, any doctor who is not financially independent should buy a long-term disability insurance policy.What Does Disability Insurance Cover?Disability insurance covers all kinds of disabilities. The best (and unfortunately most expensive) policies cover the widest range of potential disabilities.The Definition of DisabilityThe most important feature is the definition of disability. Disability insurance differs from life insurance in numerous ways, but none is more significant than in defining exactly when you become disabled (and when you become enabled again). The broader the definition of disability you get in your policy, the more the policy will cost.Unlike life insurance, where life and death are pretty black and white, disability has 50 shades of gray. You want a policy with a strong, broad definition of disability that will cover any possible type of disability? That means “true own-occupation, specialty-specific” and no limitations on things such as psychiatric conditions or addictions. This is the main difference between the “Big 5” companies and others. Even among the “Big 5,” there are slight differences. It is OK not to purchase the policy with the very best definition of disability, but the weaker the definition, the bigger the discount you should expect. Own-Occupation, Specialty-SpecificProbably the most important aspect of the definition for doctors is that it be specific to your occupation. For instance, if I lost my left thumb, there are a number of procedures in emergency medicine that I could no longer do. I would be completely disabled from managing a busy emergency department by myself. But I could probably still go do urgent care work. A specialty-specific definition of disability in my policy would provide me with my full disability payments in addition to the money I make at the urgent care. Sometimes, the “specialty-specific” clause is inherent to the policy, and at other times it is an additional rider (a piece of paper added to the policy for which you pay an additional premium). Either way, you almost surely want to get this in your policy. Here are the various definitions, starting with own occupation and progressing to any occupation.Own-Occupation DefinitionUnder this definition, your policy will pay if you cannot work in your occupation/specialty, even if you can and do work in another field and make as much money as you want.Own-occupation policies cover people based on the occupational duties they are performing at the time of claim. If your policy includes an own-occupation definition of total disability and you are exclusively performing the customary duties of your medical specialty or sub-specialty at the time of the claim, the policy will cover you when unable to perform your specialty or sub-specialty. If you have transitioned into a different role or expanded into a new career path that requires much less direct patient contact or procedural duties, you may no longer be considered totally disabled when unable to work in your specialty or sub-specialty. This is because your “occupation(s)” involves additional material and substantial duties, no longer limited to the performance of your medical specialty or sub-specialty. In these instances, you may be considered partially disabled or not disabled at all, depending on the exact circumstances. Transitional Own-OccupationYour policy will pay if you cannot work in your occupation/specialty, even if you can and do work in another field. But if you exceed your previous income while you now work in another field, your monthly benefit from the policy would likely be lowered.Modified Own-OccupationYour policy will only pay if you can't work in your occupation/specialty AND if you are not working in another field. This definition is also sometimes called “Own-Occupation, Not Engaged” or “Own-Occupation, Not Working.”Any-OccupationYour policy will only pay if you cannot work in any occupation based on education, training or experience. Note that some policies are own-occupation for a couple of years and then transition to any-occupation.One company out there (Northwestern Mutual) sells a policy with a definition that they claim is BETTER than own-occupation. They call it Medical Own-Occupation, but in reality, it is just a form of modified own-occupation. Learn more about the NML Medical Own-Occupation Definition. Do You Really Need an Own-Occupation, Specialty-Specific Policy?Some non-procedural physicians argue that they might not need a true own-occupation policy. They reason that if they are so disabled that they cannot practice their specialty, they probably cannot do anything else. So, they accept a less broad definition of disability to save some dollars on the premium. If you choose to do this, make sure you understand the exact circumstances under which your policy will and will not pay out.Mental Disorders/Substance AbuseMany policies will only cover mental illness or substance abuse-related disabilities for a period of two years. I know an attorney who couldn't practice law after developing bipolar syndrome in his 30s. It took over a decade to get it under control. He had a policy that covered mental illness indefinitely, which prevented financial catastrophe from striking him and his family.According to the April 2011 issue of Current Psychiatry Magazine, physicians are not immune to depression and have an increased risk of suicide. Additionally, the lack of distinction between a psychiatric diagnosis and impairment stigmatizes physicians and impedes treatment. You'll need to decide whether this is a risk you're willing to run. If you want mental illness covered like every other illness, you'll be paying more. Presumptive Total DisabilityAs you well know, disability can be defined in many shades of gray. In the event of your disability, you can expect a paperwork fight between you, your physician, the disability insurance company, and maybe even your attorney. However, most policies contain a section that defines “presumptive total disability” where you can be assured there won't be much arguing from the insurance company. Even better, the waiting period will be waived and you'll start getting payments right away.Anything short of that, and you're going to have to get your doctor to certify your disability and get the insurance company to accept it. At times, this can involve visits to multiple specialists and even hiring an attorney. Note that with some companies, presumptive disability does not need to be permanent. Cosmetic Surgery/Transplant SurgerySome policies will cover you if your disability is the result of cosmetic surgery or the result of donating a kidney or other body part to someone else. Others will not. Best to read your policy carefully and know what it does and does not cover.Disability Insurance Exclusions & LimitationsDisability insurance policies generally exclude any medical conditions you have at the time of applying for insurance. For example, if you already have chronic back pain, the policy will not provide a benefit if you are disabled due to a back condition. In addition, if you admit to participating in dangerous activities such as scuba diving, rock climbing, flying, and sky-diving, the policy will likely be issued with a rider that excludes those activities from coverage. Other exclusions may also apply, such as acts of war, normal pregnancy, and foreign travel. Here is a list of common exclusions:
Residual DisabilityResidual disability refers to being only partially disabled. This may occur from the initial injury or illness or be part of the process of recovery. You generally need to buy an additional rider to cover this. Read this rider carefully, it can be a bit complicated.Imagine developing painful lumbar radiculopathy that keeps you from working more than 20 hours a week. This is the part of your policy that will cover that. This rider will also explain how much you get if you are partially disabled. My old policy says it pays the whole benefit (total disability) if I can't earn at least 20% of my “indexed prior monthly earnings,” which is basically the money I earn at my job. It doesn't count my investments, other disability income policies, rent from a rental property, or my nonvocational activities. It doesn't pay anything if my earnings aren't reduced at least 20%. If I am making between 20%-80% of what I made previously, I get the total disability benefit times the ratio of my loss of income for that month divided by my indexed prior monthly earnings. Note that with some companies, the partial disability rider will kick in at 15%. Some contracts use “or” in the contract and others use “and” in the contracxt. For instance, a stronger policy would trigger the partial disability rider if you had a loss of income or a loss of time or a loss of duty whereas a weaker contract would require loss of income and loss of time and loss of duty where all of those triggers must be met. Partial Disability vs. Residual DisabilityPartial disability and residual disability are generally considered to be the same thing, but there is a technical difference at some companies. For example, at one company, a partial disability rider requires total disability during the elimination period and the residual disability rider does not. With another company, partial refers to the disability, such as one that only affects one part of the body (such as one arm), while residual refers to a decrease in earnings. Either way, the key is to understand how the residual/partial rider works in the policy you actually purchase.Recovery BenefitsA physician should consider a contract that will continuing paying them a portion of their benefits upon recovery from a disability if their income continues to be down at least 15%-20%. Most carriers will pay a recovery benefit for the benefit period although one only pays for 12 months. This is especially important for practice owners. Think if a dentist were to be disabled for 6 months and then recovers and goes back to their practice. Many of their patients may have gone elsewhere because the dentist sees his patients twice a year. It could take several years to get back to where he/she was at before becoming disabled.Recommendations for Physicians on Disability Insurance RidersHere's an easy cheat card to help you know at a glance what we think about all of the various riders available.https://preview.redd.it/akf6t5iqfn0d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=3f8b415d0101d729fdfa51bc9147993309147d75 Who Needs Disability Insurance?Nearly every high-income professional in their first decade or two out of school should own a policy. Your most valuable asset is your ability to work. So, if you do not own a disability insurance policy, you need to go get one, now. If you have an income, it's time to buy a policy, even if money is tight as a resident. The only exception is if you do not rely on your income to live. If you are already financially independent, it's OK not to buy disability insurance. However, even if you are frugal and married to another high earner, you may wish to still have a policy. You could both become disabled, or you could become divorced.How Much Physician Disability Insurance Do I Need?As a resident, you typically cannot afford to buy as much as you need, but you should be able to do so even as a brand-new attending. Basically, you need to buy enough disability insurance to cover both your living expenses and your retirement savings if you were to work to age 65 but not your taxes. Physician disability insurance payouts are generally tax-free since they are usually paid with post-tax dollars.Note that how much you need has little to do with your income and everything to do with what you spend. The less you spend, the less insurance you need to buy. Insurance agents would love to sell you the largest possible policy (which usually works out to be about 2/3 of your gross income, but it is possible to combine two companies to get even more), so you'll need to decide how much you need on your own. Resident physicians typically buy a $5,000 per month benefit and attending physicians typically buy a benefit in the $10,000-$15,000 per month range, but there are plenty of docs who buy both more and less. If your plan in the event of disability is to rely on the income of your spouse, you may not need disability insurance at all. Average Cost of Disability Insurance for PhysiciansUnlike cheaper insurance policies like term life and umbrella policies, physician disability insurance is expensive, although not quite as expensive as your malpractice insurance. The reason it costs so much is it actually gets used. The likelihood of you acquiring a long-term disability during your working years is approximately seven times as high as your risk of dying in those years. A typical policy bought on a healthy doc in their 20s or 30s will cost something between 2%-6% of the benefit. If your monthly benefit is $10,000, expect to spend $200-$600 per month for that. Perhaps the sticker shock you get upon being quoted prices will motivate you to reach financial independence as soon as possible so you can cancel the policy.Graded vs. Level PremiumsOne way to save money on your policy is to get graded premiums. Not all policies offer this feature, but those that do will charge you less in the first few years and more in later years. Level premium policies charge you the same amount in premium every year. A graded premium policy accounts for the fact that you become more likely to become disabled as you go through life. However, it can be very beneficial to you because your need for insurance actually falls continually throughout your career as your build your retirement nest egg.Once you become financially independent, you can drop the insurance completely. This is a good idea since the total benefits a policy could potentially pay are also dropping throughout your life (since the policy will generally only pay until you are in your mid- to late-60s). Many white coat investors who are great savers hit financial independence by mid-career. If you are one of those, you are likely to come out ahead using graded premiums instead of level premiums. What Disability Insurance Discounts Are Available for Doctors?Like other types of insurance, disability insurance is sold by agents who are paid commissions by the insurance companies to sell their products. It is a very competitive business. The insurance companies want agents, especially the independent agents you should be buying from, to preferentially sell their products. To incentivize the agents, they offer discounts that are only available through certain agents. Experienced, high-volume agents can often provide you with the same policy at a cheaper rate than a newer, lower-volume agent. Thus, it pays to use an experienced agent and shop around with two or three of them. Nearly every doctor should qualify for some type of discount on their policy—10%-30% premium discounts are not unusual. Types of discounts include:
How Do I Buy Disability Insurance?The key to physician disability insurance is the independent agent. The agent is going to be paid a great commission by the insurance company no matter which policy you choose. Assuming policies with similar benefits, the commission isn't going to be all that different. Plus, these agents get plenty of business and none of them are starving, so they have little incentive to sell you an inferior policy for a slightly higher commission. Their reputation is worth far more than a few extra dollars in commission. Since you are (indirectly) paying the agent a very nice commission, don't feel bad about using their time and expertise to fully understand this complicated product.For most doctors, this is a purchase that is only done once or twice in their life. Have the agent quote you different physician disability policies from each of the “Big 5” companies and show you the strengths and weaknesses of each. If you have a policy from work or your professional association, bring it in with you and have it included in the comparison. Then, you can know you made an educated decision and you can buy it and forget about it. Also, be sure to ask for a discount. The vast majority of doctors will qualify for a 5%-30% association or employer-related discount, and a top-notch agent will help you get that. What Type of Disability Insurance Should I Buy?There are two main types of disability policies: individual policies and group policies. As a general rule, individual policies have stronger definitions of disability. Many group policies are not own-occupation policies. Individual policies are also portable, in that you can change jobs and take them with you.Individual Disability PolicyThere are a number of benefits of an individual policy. The main one is that you are in control of all the details. You get to choose how much insurance you want to pay for. You get to choose which of the bells and whistles you are going to pay for. The policy is also “portable,” meaning you still have it if you change employers (or if your employer just decides to change the policy). As a general rule, the policy is also “stronger,” meaning it is more likely to actually pay you if you get disabled.Group Disability PolicyA group policy provided by your employer is usually not portable, although sometimes you are allowed to take over the entire premium and take it with you. Group policies also frequently have premiums that increase every year or every five years, whereas an individual policy usually has level premiums. Group policies paid for by your employer may also pay a taxable benefit, rather than the tax-free benefit provided by an individual policy. Aside from the lower cost, the main benefit of a group policy is that it may be easier to qualify for. It may not require any sort of medical exam or blood work, and it may not ask any pesky questions about your medical conditions and dangerous hobbies such as rock climbing, skydiving, scuba diving, or flying.How to Compare Disability Insurance PoliciesThe most important feature is the definition of disability. You want a policy with a strong, broad definition of disability that will cover any possible type of disability. That usually means “own-occupation, specialty-specific” and no limitations on things such as psychiatric conditions or addictions. This is the main difference between the “Big 5” companies and others.Since disability is complicated, disability insurance policies are complicated. There are dozens of differences from one policy to another, making them difficult to compare. Use your independent agent for recommendations on what matters most. Just for an example, take a look at this chart of all the differences you could see between one policy and another. When to Buy Disability Insurance?You should buy disability insurance just before you become disabled. Since you don't know when that time could be, earlier is generally better. However, disability insurance is also expensive, and when you are young and poor, you have lots of other great uses for your money. A good compromise is to buy a small policy as you enter residency and then upgrade to a more robust disability insurance plan just before leaving residency. The younger you are, the healthier you are, and the fewer dangerous hobbies you engage in, the cheaper your premiums will be for the same benefit.Best Disability Insurance for PhysiciansI keep a list of those I consider the best disability insurance agents in the country. Save yourself the work of finding a good one you can trust and use the same agents that have been used by thousands of WCI readers in the past. You do not need someone local that you can sit down across the table from. It is better to have someone who has sold policies to hundreds of docs this year working with you by phone, Skype, Zoom, and email than someone you can sit down with who has only sold four policies. In addition, if there is some issue with one of these agents, I can usually help you resolve it quickly.Information in this space rapidly changes. While we try to keep The White Coat Investor website as up-to-date as possible, our recommended agents are going to be our best source for updated information. I cannot emphasize how strongly I suggest you use them, whether buying your first policy or simply reviewing what you already have. |
2024.05.15 22:19 Remote_Habit2994 Regret marrying, is annullment even an option?
We got married civilly 6 years ago after dating for 3 months. Quickly learned that he wasn't who he said he was and I discovered he was addicted to drugs and stole from me. I filed bankruptcy from the amount of debt we got into. We continued to go back and forth. There was the vicious cycle of he would be the man I met in beginning and we would get back together and he would act like that for 3-6 months and then revert back to his old self. Eventually I got pregnant. This really pushed me to want to work things out to give my child the home I never had. I wanted this more than anything. I thought if we put God in the center everything will work itself out. We decided to get married through the church he said he believed in the Catholic way of raising kids and living the marriage covenant. Eventhough I had a few doubts, this is all ever wanted, so I took a leap of faith and went through it. My family and friends begged me not to as they believed he was bad for me and all he had ever done is deceive me and use me. Quickly after being married he reverted to his old self, he isn't interested in growing in holiness, praying together, or teaching the kids the catholic faith. Ever since we got married I felt restless, anxious, and like I made the wrong decision. I feel deeply ashamed. How can I tell my family they were right about him after I've made vowed eternity with this man. I am miserable and I feel trapped. We talked about getting divorced, but I feel so shamed and miserable. I am scared I will never have the chance to have the family I've always wanted. I can't bring myself to tell my family.
submitted by Remote_Habit2994 to Catholicism [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 22:08 ALightintheCrack Yet Another Parent Looking for Guidance
This is my mental health user account, idle for a while. I left reddit a while back, and it’s been great! But this forum seems to be unparalleled. Alas for this modern world.
Some Background:
I am divorced, two kids. The older one is our “identified patient.” We’ve had therapy, PHP and IOP, now waiting on an opening at Embark White Haven. Reluctantly for me, but by court order, I am required to comply with recommendation of service providers, and the IOP recommended RTC because of safety concerns including thoughts of suicide and getting out of the car on the way to IOP.
Kid is currently in therapy with the family therapist who was recommended by IOP for mom and I to work on coparenting. This is a temporary placement while waiting on the opening in PA. They seem OK, but have ideas about parenting I do not share, as does mom. It pains me to admit this, but FT is probably the best bet, because they’re parenting style is pretty close to right inbetween mom and I.
My parenting, and understanding of children, has vastly improved since coming to membership in Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, been there four years. I have become a much more attentive and nurturing parent. I try hard to listen to what my kid is telling me, and give them as much as they want within safe limits. Try to let them make mistakes and learn, again, within safe limits.
The Kid’s behavior has included violence toward mom, me and younger sibling. They came to live with me about a month ago, violence has improved but not gone away. They have very low frustration tolerance, escalating quickly when asked questions about certain subjects (on the order of, what homework are you meant to do?), or denied something they want. We are practicing tools like breathing to get past this. Some behaviors have continued to escalate since coming to live with me, such as skipping class. Recently they were caught off campus smoking weed. Went to PHP for assaulting another kid on the bus.
I don’t want my kid to go to TTI. I think what we need is intensive family therapy. AFAIK, the only kind of thing like that in my area (SE) is Intensive In Home, which appears to be available mostly to families involved in criminal justice or CPS. They take medicaid, or are state funded, and most of the images on the websites are of people who don’t look like us.
My understanding, based mostly on my work in ACA, is that my kid’s problems are a result of the lousy parenting of their mom and I. Mom was very controlling, and in some ways, acted (and continues to act) like a rival. I was mostly just completely emotionally absent. I’m doing my work now, working with a therapist as well as ACA. But it’s a slow process, and the damage has been done.
FWIW, the American Bar Association is currently doing a webinar series on the TTI. At the last presentation, someone asked the panelists a question about whether there were any good facilities available. The response was, “there are some that are less bad.”
Another anecdote. I was doing the intake with a Newport Academy intake person, and shared my fears about the quality of care that would be available at a facility owned by such a large corporation. Their response was something like, “don’t you think that gives us some credibility?” She ended the conversation before I got a chance to say something like, “Fuck, no! Does Phillip Morris’ size give it credibility in its health benefit claims of vaping?” Sorry maybe for the impromptu venting.
I’m terrified of what comes next. My kid definitely has unmet needs. I’m not sure what they are, and am having a very hard time trusting any of their providers, while having to pretend to trust them to avoid being labelled as “treatment resistant.” It really is my worst nightmare. I just want my kid to feel safe and have a decent shot at thriving whatever that might mean to them.
As an aside, a lot of providers say they understand family dysfunction and its impacts, complex trauma and its impacts, and yet no-one really provides any kind treatment that seems to align with those kinds of problems. Embark folks were at least honest when they said all they offer are coping skills, that would then allow the kind of long-term therapy to address the deep grief and trauma. Seems like in three months and tens of thousands of dollars you could start to explore root causes at least a little bit.
As I said, alas for these modern times.
submitted by ALightintheCrack to troubledteens [link] [comments]
Some Background:
I am divorced, two kids. The older one is our “identified patient.” We’ve had therapy, PHP and IOP, now waiting on an opening at Embark White Haven. Reluctantly for me, but by court order, I am required to comply with recommendation of service providers, and the IOP recommended RTC because of safety concerns including thoughts of suicide and getting out of the car on the way to IOP.
Kid is currently in therapy with the family therapist who was recommended by IOP for mom and I to work on coparenting. This is a temporary placement while waiting on the opening in PA. They seem OK, but have ideas about parenting I do not share, as does mom. It pains me to admit this, but FT is probably the best bet, because they’re parenting style is pretty close to right inbetween mom and I.
My parenting, and understanding of children, has vastly improved since coming to membership in Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, been there four years. I have become a much more attentive and nurturing parent. I try hard to listen to what my kid is telling me, and give them as much as they want within safe limits. Try to let them make mistakes and learn, again, within safe limits.
The Kid’s behavior has included violence toward mom, me and younger sibling. They came to live with me about a month ago, violence has improved but not gone away. They have very low frustration tolerance, escalating quickly when asked questions about certain subjects (on the order of, what homework are you meant to do?), or denied something they want. We are practicing tools like breathing to get past this. Some behaviors have continued to escalate since coming to live with me, such as skipping class. Recently they were caught off campus smoking weed. Went to PHP for assaulting another kid on the bus.
I don’t want my kid to go to TTI. I think what we need is intensive family therapy. AFAIK, the only kind of thing like that in my area (SE) is Intensive In Home, which appears to be available mostly to families involved in criminal justice or CPS. They take medicaid, or are state funded, and most of the images on the websites are of people who don’t look like us.
My understanding, based mostly on my work in ACA, is that my kid’s problems are a result of the lousy parenting of their mom and I. Mom was very controlling, and in some ways, acted (and continues to act) like a rival. I was mostly just completely emotionally absent. I’m doing my work now, working with a therapist as well as ACA. But it’s a slow process, and the damage has been done.
FWIW, the American Bar Association is currently doing a webinar series on the TTI. At the last presentation, someone asked the panelists a question about whether there were any good facilities available. The response was, “there are some that are less bad.”
Another anecdote. I was doing the intake with a Newport Academy intake person, and shared my fears about the quality of care that would be available at a facility owned by such a large corporation. Their response was something like, “don’t you think that gives us some credibility?” She ended the conversation before I got a chance to say something like, “Fuck, no! Does Phillip Morris’ size give it credibility in its health benefit claims of vaping?” Sorry maybe for the impromptu venting.
I’m terrified of what comes next. My kid definitely has unmet needs. I’m not sure what they are, and am having a very hard time trusting any of their providers, while having to pretend to trust them to avoid being labelled as “treatment resistant.” It really is my worst nightmare. I just want my kid to feel safe and have a decent shot at thriving whatever that might mean to them.
As an aside, a lot of providers say they understand family dysfunction and its impacts, complex trauma and its impacts, and yet no-one really provides any kind treatment that seems to align with those kinds of problems. Embark folks were at least honest when they said all they offer are coping skills, that would then allow the kind of long-term therapy to address the deep grief and trauma. Seems like in three months and tens of thousands of dollars you could start to explore root causes at least a little bit.
As I said, alas for these modern times.
2024.05.15 21:55 GiorgiaJagoda Need to vent - separation process
Hello everyone, I have been hanging out in this group for over a year now, and I cannot explain how helpful it has been so far. Reading and supporting people in a similar path feels a way more authentic and useful than friends and family that ask you stuff like " are you dating now? you are still young and beautiful" with such a lack of sensitivity I cannot even.
I feel I have talked enough about my divorce, but to be very honest with you, I really didn't. I tend to think that there is not that much to say, but there is still so much sadness inside that I don't know how to verbalize more than I do. Now that I am in the separation process, things come up randomly and in such a difficult way such us e-mail to confirm papers out of the blue that just ruin my day. Or answering calls to confirm that you are separating from your husband and so on. It triggers me so much I have to lay down and take a nap to get back to function after a couple of hours.
I am doing 1:1 therapy and group gestalt therapy, I am working out and eating properly, and I just feel I am fucking fed up with all of this, and the random grief waves that just came at me. It is so tiring. It is one year I ended it, and somedays it feels I am having a new life, and some days is pure hell.
There are two main things I feel really misunderstood about:
1) Being the one ending the marriage is not the one having the easiest time. Ending the relationship has been the most difficult thing in my entire life. I had to be honest with myself and accept that someone will never be able to offer me any safety. * my nervous system is so fried I cannot* I have been with my ex partner for 5 years ( during covid times - so it feels like 20 years tbh considering the whole the world is falling apart and we have each other kind of vibe), and last June, a bit more than 1 year in the marriage, I decided to end it. I have been waiting since years, probably from the very beginning for something to happen. I got promised a lot, and delivered zero. I know, I know what most of you are thinking. I married potential. And I just wish I was less angry at myself for that. I am trying to give myself as much grace, understanding and compassion as I can, but I am having a really difficult time with it. My partner has a mental illness that left untreated, and it just got worse and worse, to the point in which my mental health ended up collapsing as well. I have underestimated it. I asked him to start therapy a trillion times, but there is just a certain much you can do. It all ended with me having a mental breakdown, and I had to leave because my body literally told me to fu*k off. lt feels so depressive to say, but yeah. At the 28392th time of the other person lacking real care, or any sense of safety, I just broke inside. They left for a work trip and I started crying and I just could not stop. I cried one week straight. Day and night. The most exhausting week of my life. I just knew what was happening and I just had to roll with it. You just never think you would be the person that would happen to.
During that week I asked him not to talk because I needed some time. He didn't say much, cause he didn't care that much to be honest. He was absorbed with himself as usual. I feel intoxicated. I have been under constant mental stress for years, and I thought I could handle it. I thought I was ok. I was not. I relocated to his country because he was homesick, and all I got is to end a marriage and having to relocate to another country. I ended a marriage within a 90 minute conversation. I talked, he didn't say much. He looked almost relieved. If felt like a punch in the stomach. I moved to another country. I am starting a new life but I feel so broken, I can't. Everyone feels like I kinda move on. I am an independent, driven bad ass. I am just tired, I feel lonely and I have lost friendships and health on the process.
This has been the first time in my life in which I really like really needed help. I asked for it, and I didn't get much in return. I have been there so much for my friends, to the point of hearing things like " You know, I have never really hold space for you and I don't feel like doing it because I have lots going on". This was the day after I broke up. The charity shop is now closed. I also had to deal with the people I surrounded myself with.
I am trying to keep it together, working on new goals and dreams, but it is just so confusing.
I am currently grieving a life I planned and I worked hard for.
I am so angry and I don't know what to do beside going to the gym, talk to my therapist and try to keep a good routine. I feel I have been scammed and used. I am so angry at him, but mostly at myself for believing all his lies, and I cannot go over that.
2) You just move on. I just feel an entire part of my life ended. A chapter of my life closed. Beside the grief, some days I look at myself at the mirror and I am not even sure I really know that person. I am seeing so many things in such a different light, and I feel my heart so shut at times that almost scares me. My range of feeling is so limited and I can feel that. I asked my therapist my diagnosis after 3 years working together, and it seems I am dealing with PTSD. I have starting working on myself 10 years ago. I had a very difficult life, and I am making the best of it considering the overall circumstances. And yet, after this experience there is a tiny voice inside of me that thinks, that now I have seen what I am capable of on many level, I just want to have the best. And I am afraid that that might never come because I have such clear ideas for the first time in my life that just feels too much. I just feel I have been too much my entire life, and being around people with whom I just shrink seems the easiest option.
3) work and anxiety. The only thing that is still kind of together in my life is my job. I love it and I feel really good at it, while I am also facing anxiety because I cannot keep up with my ideas. I wish i could do more, but I am doing a way less that I would like to due to my body getting tired super quickly. And while some people tell me to take time off, to be honest work is what keeps me sane. Am I the only one? I don't want to hide in my work, but it is genuinely the safest space i have in my life.
I don't have questions or need anything. Just felt the need to write someone before trying to start another day in my life in which I have to find new meanings. I hate feeling this miserable.
Thank you for reading.
submitted by GiorgiaJagoda to Divorce [link] [comments]
I feel I have talked enough about my divorce, but to be very honest with you, I really didn't. I tend to think that there is not that much to say, but there is still so much sadness inside that I don't know how to verbalize more than I do. Now that I am in the separation process, things come up randomly and in such a difficult way such us e-mail to confirm papers out of the blue that just ruin my day. Or answering calls to confirm that you are separating from your husband and so on. It triggers me so much I have to lay down and take a nap to get back to function after a couple of hours.
I am doing 1:1 therapy and group gestalt therapy, I am working out and eating properly, and I just feel I am fucking fed up with all of this, and the random grief waves that just came at me. It is so tiring. It is one year I ended it, and somedays it feels I am having a new life, and some days is pure hell.
There are two main things I feel really misunderstood about:
1) Being the one ending the marriage is not the one having the easiest time. Ending the relationship has been the most difficult thing in my entire life. I had to be honest with myself and accept that someone will never be able to offer me any safety. * my nervous system is so fried I cannot* I have been with my ex partner for 5 years ( during covid times - so it feels like 20 years tbh considering the whole the world is falling apart and we have each other kind of vibe), and last June, a bit more than 1 year in the marriage, I decided to end it. I have been waiting since years, probably from the very beginning for something to happen. I got promised a lot, and delivered zero. I know, I know what most of you are thinking. I married potential. And I just wish I was less angry at myself for that. I am trying to give myself as much grace, understanding and compassion as I can, but I am having a really difficult time with it. My partner has a mental illness that left untreated, and it just got worse and worse, to the point in which my mental health ended up collapsing as well. I have underestimated it. I asked him to start therapy a trillion times, but there is just a certain much you can do. It all ended with me having a mental breakdown, and I had to leave because my body literally told me to fu*k off. lt feels so depressive to say, but yeah. At the 28392th time of the other person lacking real care, or any sense of safety, I just broke inside. They left for a work trip and I started crying and I just could not stop. I cried one week straight. Day and night. The most exhausting week of my life. I just knew what was happening and I just had to roll with it. You just never think you would be the person that would happen to.
During that week I asked him not to talk because I needed some time. He didn't say much, cause he didn't care that much to be honest. He was absorbed with himself as usual. I feel intoxicated. I have been under constant mental stress for years, and I thought I could handle it. I thought I was ok. I was not. I relocated to his country because he was homesick, and all I got is to end a marriage and having to relocate to another country. I ended a marriage within a 90 minute conversation. I talked, he didn't say much. He looked almost relieved. If felt like a punch in the stomach. I moved to another country. I am starting a new life but I feel so broken, I can't. Everyone feels like I kinda move on. I am an independent, driven bad ass. I am just tired, I feel lonely and I have lost friendships and health on the process.
This has been the first time in my life in which I really like really needed help. I asked for it, and I didn't get much in return. I have been there so much for my friends, to the point of hearing things like " You know, I have never really hold space for you and I don't feel like doing it because I have lots going on". This was the day after I broke up. The charity shop is now closed. I also had to deal with the people I surrounded myself with.
I am trying to keep it together, working on new goals and dreams, but it is just so confusing.
I am currently grieving a life I planned and I worked hard for.
I am so angry and I don't know what to do beside going to the gym, talk to my therapist and try to keep a good routine. I feel I have been scammed and used. I am so angry at him, but mostly at myself for believing all his lies, and I cannot go over that.
2) You just move on. I just feel an entire part of my life ended. A chapter of my life closed. Beside the grief, some days I look at myself at the mirror and I am not even sure I really know that person. I am seeing so many things in such a different light, and I feel my heart so shut at times that almost scares me. My range of feeling is so limited and I can feel that. I asked my therapist my diagnosis after 3 years working together, and it seems I am dealing with PTSD. I have starting working on myself 10 years ago. I had a very difficult life, and I am making the best of it considering the overall circumstances. And yet, after this experience there is a tiny voice inside of me that thinks, that now I have seen what I am capable of on many level, I just want to have the best. And I am afraid that that might never come because I have such clear ideas for the first time in my life that just feels too much. I just feel I have been too much my entire life, and being around people with whom I just shrink seems the easiest option.
3) work and anxiety. The only thing that is still kind of together in my life is my job. I love it and I feel really good at it, while I am also facing anxiety because I cannot keep up with my ideas. I wish i could do more, but I am doing a way less that I would like to due to my body getting tired super quickly. And while some people tell me to take time off, to be honest work is what keeps me sane. Am I the only one? I don't want to hide in my work, but it is genuinely the safest space i have in my life.
I don't have questions or need anything. Just felt the need to write someone before trying to start another day in my life in which I have to find new meanings. I hate feeling this miserable.
Thank you for reading.